Fri.15.Jul: 12.12 STILL catching-up on Yonah's Journal... and have napped TWICE this morning... Checked my O2... got it up to 99% for a while, but it hovers at about 93... fuck me! - Just feeling so DRAGGED! And cold... But the sun is shining and FINALLY I'm feeling warmth. - CHECKED MY INCOME LIMITS FOR SOC.SEC. AND... AS FAR AS I SEE, NOT ONLY DO I COME IN WAY UNDER THE MAX... I DON'T HAVE A "MAX"... I REACHED "FULL RETIREMENT" IN OCTOBER 2021! SO LET'S GET ON WITH IT! According to my calcs, it's only 219,30/wk. (166,33 net) and 665,32/mo (net).but hey... 1155, 665, 1820 to budget on! Of course, it won't work that way because Soc.Sec. goes to VT, PS will go to NY. Still... there we have it. AND... a 500 back-up... for YONAH! - I have head-ache... This bull-shit... and too... chest pains, but it's time to learn to "be" with those. - Having a tea, Yonah has been spritely this morning. Deborah stopped and actually "chatted". BUT... Yonah's food... WAS IN E-TOWN LAST NIGHT... IS NOW IN PLATTSBURGH OR... "FACILITY"... FUCKED-UP! I did talk with Crystal and told her that that's most of the misunderstanding about deliveries... Anyway... I'm annoyed with that, but... - Still need to get these journals done, want to cut the little slats for Yonah's futon so the pillows don't drop... and a quick trip to market... - I'm just SO BLOODY FUCKING TIRED! - Oh... and the new card still doesn't appear on the banque recs. Nor has the "inquiry" hit the "score"... I still can't believe... 737 on Exp. and 677 on Trans... What fukkers! - 14.32 MADE IT TO AND FROM THE MARKET! Ann actually opened a registre for me and asked "HOW ARE YOU FEELING THESE DAYS?" SHE REMEMBERS! Sadly, I was honest... I whispered "Shitty. They're putting me through all sorts of tests now..." But it didn't make much difference... I'm glad. She remembered... that's all that matters to me. - And I was out and back in just about 30 minutes! Back by 14.00! HEY! - MEAN-WHILE... YONAH'S JOURNAL IS UP TO THE MOMENT ON-LINE! NOW... I have an entire week here, on THIS journal, to catch-up with... - Ginger tisane at hand... tight in the chest... only just slightly "peckish", but more tired than much else... and I want to cut the slats for Yonah's futon... though I don't know that I have the screws to put them on... and... well... I'm about to take a 15-minute shut-eye. It's the stress of the truck... and bull-shit... it all just drains me. But at least I don't have to think about "going" any-where until Thursday-week... -
(*Catch-up: Sat.16.Jul: 14.20 )
20.43 I'M EXHAUSTED... OF COURSE. But Yonah's Journal is current to the moment and on the server! Now... this one... but not tonight. It was a late night for both of us... "Tuck-in" at 20.15. But HEY! He was eating... after an evening "out"! He's eating... and I won't stop that! - I'm now going to have my ice cream, since I managed to get more today... and MAYBE get a QUICK shower? I doubt it but...- I'm short on "breath" this evening... and I've already gone through 15 smokes today! THAT shit has GOT to stop! To think... I smoke half at a time. Were they all whole... that's 30... a pack and a half! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME? STRESS AND SHIT! I'M PISSED-OFF ABOUT THAT TOO... THERE REALLY IS NO REASON WHY I CAN'T JUST STOP... OTHER THAN... FUCKING BULL-SHIT OF LATE. - So... before i just lay my head on the table here and nod-off... and that's ever so possible lately... off to wind-down I HOPE YONAH IS BETTER... THAT THERE ARE NO "COMPLICATIONS" and close the day. At least I managed to hoover the house today. "Yay... and shit." - 21.21 I'm off... the day is off... and as I was brushing teeth ("teeth"... what a fucking joke, that), a small filling, lower right, came out. This shit isn't lasting long... maybe it's the peroxide... but that's to help with the gums... and, I have cause to believe... the heart... at least those pains had decreased since I've started the peroxide... Oh... on of these days... but for now... DONE.

Sat.16.Jul: 8.42 Been up from since 5.48 when Yonah woke me... It's another one of "those" days when, I think I slept through the night and now I'm so bloody tired... from sleeping (or not) that, well, I did the "morning routine" and laid on Yonah's futon for almost an hour after. And I've gone through the "soc.med." of the morning, including an e-mail from Deborah which just topped the whole morning with annoyance: The deer have DESTROYED HER GARDENS... BROAD DAY-LIGHT... NO "FEAR" AT ALL! And HERE? Chipmunks and squirrels, red and grey, have destroyed THIS little attempted garden in the back as well. I'm fed-up already. And I need... truly NEED to wash/bathe. The kitchen is a mess. I'm just "not really 'here'" again, first thoughts of the day were of the "test" on when-ever and the "torture" that will be the "echo" on Monday-week. The driving to Albany. Affording it all. The condition of the truck and the fuckerie that's become "Richie". Then being "informed" by some "Synchrony" banque where I applied for "health credit" for Yonah, that, according to them, my "score" is something like "350" when the "Exp" has "737"... Ah... 'tis another day... and I've got a WEEK to catch-up on here... Oh... and today's "Liztoon Day"... thankfully, I had NO intentions of going there, but Deborah's e-mail warned... Alas... So now, with head-ache already... and general malaise, which causes me to wonder: Deborah, Dan, me... what's going on here, fuck? Let's see what we can recall in the catch-up... - 15.04 A BLOODY LAST! THIS JOURNAL IS DONE AGAIN! FUCK! THE ENTIRE DAY... REALLY, LITERALLY... THAT'S ALL I'VE BEEN DOING... ALONG WITH NAPS... THREE... THUS FAR. Thankfully, 27° in Yonah's room and LOW humidity has helped... and a ginger tisane... I don't know how, but it really DOES help with the breathing... And now... almost just in time for evening meals... I never did get to the chicken I bought yesterday... but there's left-over from last night's "mess"... noodles, veggies, salmon... that I forgot to properly season so it's bland. But it's there. And I can do the chicken tomorrow... there's nothing on the agenda for tomorrow... - I'm just relieved that this journal is done, again, at last. - And Yonah? Oh... he's been flying ALL OVER the place. His wing looks... well... not so "angry"... or "raw"... and I'm beginning to wonder... "moulting"? It doesn't really look like a "moult". Tomorrow... Betadine...
HIS "SUPREME" MIX ARRIVED TO DAY... WITH A SMALL HOLE IN THE BAG... THAT SOMEBODY CLEVERLY TAPED... BUT NOT ENOUGH BECAUSE SOME OF THE SMALLER SEED CAME THROUGH AND THEY TAPED THAT TO THE BAG! I WAS ON-LINE IMMEDIATELY, WITH PETCO... Do I want a refund or replacement? WHAT? REPLACEMENT! And so, I just checked... it'll be ANOTHER FUCKING 5 DAYS! And I won't use that bag for Yonah... A HOLE IN THE BAG? I THINK NOT! FUCK!
But tomorrow... we'll go through his house and CLEAN! And I'll take the double layer of kitchen roll out from the bottom... give that a spray... and I need to figure out what to do about the sand... There's more in the kitchen to be cleaned and sterilised... but none to "replace" and I don't want to spray it because he eats it! We have work to be done! - BUT HIS JOURNAL AND THIS ONE ARE CURRENT AGAIN... (probably until tonight when again, I'm tired and can't keep focused!) - 16.02 OK... day... and nothing but Journals. Well? Folks said I ought to write a book... Here's a LIBRARY! And evening meal on the hob... cholesterol pill tooken. Sun is shining and clouds are gathering. - Speaking of which...
THEY HAD TO BE CHEMTRAILS IN THE SKY TODAY... TWO LINES, INTERSECTING, OVER THE MOUNTAINS... TOOK OVER AND HOUR TO DISSIPATE! I'M SO ENRAGED RIGHT NOW! KRISTE, HOW I WISH WE'D HAVE A GOOD OLD REVOLUTION IN THIS SHIT-HOLE... TAKE THEM ALL OUT! (And yeah... go ahead, you shit-sacks... trace it! As I've said, repeatedly: NO dictator ever murdered anybody... it was all those who "followed orders". Come at me. I've got 67 years of BITTER to get rid of... and several "sharp objects". I don't want you dead... I want you to continue... FOREVER REMEMBERING just how useless to humanity and Creation you are!
And this makes the "swab" all the more stressful for me... never mind, I don't doubt they'll make me wear a mask as I "exercise" for the echo... Brainless... just brainless... It's a GRAND time to be "old"... and not caring... and as I say: I'll be right behind Yonah... - 20.32 Yonah had an hour out in the sun-shine this evening... and I took the kitchen chair and sat in the door watching... hoping his Lady Dove would come to visit. Well... she was the ONLY Yardie to come this evening and she came, ate and that was that. BUT... YONAH SEEMS SO MUCH MORE FULL OF ENERGY AND HIS GENERAL MOOD SEEMS SO MUCH BETTER NOW THAT WE'RE DOING THE "SUN-SHINE EVENINGS"! VITAMIN D? THE OTHER LITTLE ONES? WHAT-EVER IT IS... HE'S ENERGETIC AND JUST GENERALLY HAPPIER... IT APPEARS. NOW... I HOPE IT HELPS WITH WHAT-EVER THAT IS GOING ON ON HIS WING! (Tomorrow... I want to figure out what to do with his house... and get some permetherin in there... AND... Betadine on his wing... to keep it "disinfected"... I can hardly wait for the 4th August... no matter WHAT we have to go through... and I have to "plan" that too... food and water for him for the ride!) - Anyway... I really could use a shower... REALLY... but tonight, I'm tired again and making excuses for holding until tomorrow night... It's the same shit every evening: I'm TIRED... EXHAUSTED... and tonight, my chest is a bit tight... Then again... I went through about a PACK of smokes yesterday... Tomorrow... we start back on the "reduction"! DAMNIT! Money AND health... I'm hoping that working the two hours a day will get me into some better breathing... I can't reverse the damage, but... - Meanwhile... it was a wonderful day... AND BOTH JOURNALS ARE CURRENT. Yonah's is ready to be up-loaded and I'm popping this onto the servers now... Then... ice cream, Brit... rack. - I need a neck-shave and nails trim too. This kitchen is a fucking mess. Sadly... I almost don't give a shit. Nobody comes to visit and I don't even notice it, but I'm learning how some people can let their house go to shit... especially when nobody bothers with them. - So... tomorrow... we set sights for that... House, Yonah's futon "pillow slats"... I have to cook that chicken... and... not sure what else... thought I ought to go to market but... I don't see why, really... We'll handle it as it comes... as long as my Heart-and-Soul is with me. Other-wise... - 21.53 And... no shower... I'm off to try for a tooth brushing with-out things "falling out". - Today was "Liztoon Day" and there must have been fire-works because of the "boom boom"... and thankfully no "woo-HOO"... my little Babe... no fear. - But the brats across the way are returned and screeching... and somebody cam stomping on the porch at the PO... trash/residents what-ever. - Well... there we have it. The journals are current. Sunday tomorrow... rainy days and hot nights ahead... - Good night. And off to the rack for PAIN! Or, at the very least, a morning of OMFG! -

Sun.17.Jul:20.05 (Yeah... this late... WHAT A DAY IT'S BEEN AND NOW... ITS' HOT AND HUMID!!!)
AND... ANOTHER STRANGE SET OF DREAMS THAT WOKE ME AT ABOUT 5.30....:
In a "dreary-sort" of lighting, obviously either too early in the morning or just a "cloudy" sort of light, in addition to the "industrial fluorescent" lighting of a "public services" office, which is, for the most part, where we were anyway.... I was in a situation which can best be described as being "between shelters". The "homelessness" was really quite ambiguous in that, I'd already been through a few or several shelters and was, as I was thinking at the time, about to go to another one where I was already "registred", and some-how "expected". And yet, there was some sort of "notion" that I had a flat too, or that I was about to move into a flat and was, at the time, at that moment, just waiting for it to become ready to move into. There was a "presence" of some sort of "land-lord" or "broker"... somebody who had something to do with my housing... or... the "presence" was a previous case worker from another shelter... or the one I was about to go to. All of it though, in the dream, was less convoluted, not "confusing" in any manner... at least, not for me. I was taking the entire situation in stride... it was all rather "par for the course", "normal". - I was in an office. One of those "public services" offices, with the off-something coloured walls and the old, metal, industrial desks, against a wall. The illumination was both horribly light and yet, morbid. And at the desk, some sort of "social worker"... "Phil Jupitus". (Now there's something to wonder about and work with. Eh?) He was trying to enroll me in some kind of "new shelter" or a sort of "'community housing", which, to his thinking, would be better for me... more comfortable, safer. - I'd only just come into the town/village there, the night before... or... I'd been there for some time (more "dream ambiguity") but he was working through some particulars necessary to get me "settled" into this housing he was working on. - As I say, there was another "presence" in the room, somebody who had something to do with my future housing and I was trying to present as a "worthy sort" of tenant but "Phil" was trying to make it seem that I ought, rather, to be in a "public housing shelter". But he was being SO "kind and polite" toward me, not demeaning or degrading at all. And I was doing my best to appear quite calm about the situation when "Phil"picked-up a white card, a "registration" of some sort and said, in a tone and manner of "concern": "I see here, you spent the night last night in the bed." (meaning, in the local shelter). I replied, "I've spent at least one night in several shelters since I arrived. I've been to COTS, BES and..." (What I find interesting now, awake, is that I was listing shelters in BTV! WHY IS THAT coming into my dreams NOW? It's been 11 years!) I was about to mention the Days Inn as well when I started thinking, seriously about those other places, how it had been miserable since I arrived there, where-ever I was, and I said "It's what I've been doing here. It's part of my research into seeing how the shelters operate and how the homeless are treated and handled here..." AND...
Night time/later evening... I was on a bit of some kind of "island" in a wet-land/swamp/lake/large pond along-side some sort of "interstate" high-way, in what resembled either "Chesterfield" here, off the Northway or some part of the Catskills... either way, it was "remote" and wood-lands. The "island" was "attached to the "main" by a narrow land-bridge of sorts so it was walk-able, on and off. The island was small, really, just barely larger than the tent that I had to assemble... and there was no "vegetation" .... just beige, dry dirt. The tent was where I was supposed to spend the night, even though there was a house, just off the island, where I was, essentially, in residence... the house was where I resided but I wasn't allowed to stay there. I'd been "given" the tent and told to set-up my own "housing" with it... on the island! - At first, the tent was the regular drab-green canvass, with the usual aluminium rods and such. I wasn't sure how to assemble it, but thought I could figure it out, since there was nobody to help me with it. - I had to go to the house to get some items that I'd need, once the tent was assembled and left everything on the island to do so. - At the house, I thought of how I really didn't HAVE to stay in that tent over-night because there was nobody IN the house at the time so nobody would know I was there. BUT I wasn't supposed to be in the house, even then, and IF I got caught being there, there would be all sorts of repercussions and ramifications, none of which would be "pleasant". And it was getting late and the tent still hadn't been assembled AND, I thought, even if I DID assemble it and come to stay in the house, the tent is CLEAR... and can be seen from the highway! All of my belongings, inside the tent would be visible... never mind, just the tent being obvious! EVERYTHING I had left in the world, to my name, would be in that tent and could be taken... I HAD to get things gathered, get back to that island and assemble the tent! And then I became frightened... of spending a night, alone, there, on that island, in a clear tent... ALONE... Somebody, anybody, EVERYbody could see ME in there with my little bit of furnishings... I had no-where to "hide" from them. And, being out there, in the "wilderness", set off and away from the main highway... and nobody around, not even in the house... I truly DID begin to become "anxious" when... in the dream, I realised I was dreaming and that the only way to stop the anxiety was to wake up...
I started to drift out of sleep... or what-ever state I was in and started to drift back... into what I suppose could be called "hypnagogic" and...
I was in a "vet's" office, in the "examining room" with "my" two Little Ones... a mourning dove (Yonah) and a "blue owl"... an owl with the colouration of a blue jay... The dove was in "good shape" though there was some "condition" in his feathers... they were dull and growing-in thin, but he was other-wise healthy.... The owl, how-ever, had just the slightest "spot" of "bleeding"... by it's right wing (YONAH!) and I was "concerned".. and as I was looking at the spot, moving the feathers with my fingers...
I woke to the sound of "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo"... 5.38... YONAH WAS CALLING! I'd turned off the alarms (again) and had fallen back to sleep!!! (THIS BOTHERS ME NOW BECAUSE... I'M NOT GOING TO HAVE THAT LUXURY FOR TWO DAYS... COME AUGUST! BUT... I WISH I KNEW WHAT IT WAS THAT I DO OF A NIGHT, EVEN WHEN I DON'T WAKE WITH CONTRACTIONS, THAT MAKES ME SO TIRED IN THE MORNING! Well... maybe the "echo" will show something... or just make matters all the worse. None-the-less...)
(20.09 I managed to make some notes just before settling for evening meal, so Ill "fill them in... NOT, as I see, it was of much use... but I remember it... all too well...even now...)
(Here we go... 18.Jul.14.39... MORE "catch-up"... but this one's just going to be easier because of notes AND it was a day not easily forgotten.... I'd FINALLY gotten to jot notes at 17.15... as I waited for a poor excuse for evening meal to heat and so....)
17.15 OMG WHAT A DAY! JUST WHAT A FUCKING DAY! HOT! HUMID! SUNNY? YES... BUT THE HEAT, THE HUMIDITY... AND... EVENTS...- It seems that there wasn't a moment, for the most part, when there was "nothing" to be done and time to just sit and stare! Things just kept rolling... and I moved on, almost blindly, thoughtlessly. I just had things I wanted to be done with and, some-how, I managed... - FOR STARTS... RIGHT AWAY... AFTER ALL THE "MORNING ROUTINE", I MANAGED TO GET TO YONAH'S WING AND GET A GOOD "SOAKING" OF MORE BETADINE ON IT. POOR LITTLE GUY! WHAT A SHITTY WAY TO START A DAY! BUT HE DIDN'T SEEM TO MIND... TOO MUCH. MY FAULT IS THAT I'VE PLAYED WITH HIM SO OFTEN, COVERING HIM IN A BLANKET AND SUCH, THAT HE DOESN'T RESPOND AS LITTLE ONES WOULD... HE THINKS WE'RE PLAYING AND IT MAKES IT A BIT DIFFICULT TO HOLD HIM, IN THE TOWEL, AS I TRY TO LOOK AT WHAT'S GOING ON... AND TRYING TO GET THE BETADINE ON. BUT WHAT I DID GET TO SEE JUST LOOKS SO HORRIBLE! THE AREA IS LARGER TODAY THAN IT WAS YESTERDAY... BUT... MY MAJOR CONSOLATION IS THAT IT'S NOT INFECTED NOR INFESTED... THERE'S NO SIGN OF PARASITES. THERE'S NO "DISCHARGE", NO BLEEDING, NO "RAWNESS". WHAT-EVER HE "PICKS", IT SEEMS IT'S JUST THE FEATHERS... AND I'M STILL WONDERING IF THIS ISN'T JUST MOULTING.... I CHECKED LAST YEAR'S JOURNAL... JULY AND AUGUST... HE WAS MOULTING THEN... OF COURSE, THEN, IT WAS HIS HEAD AND SUCH... AND TAIL, A FEW OF THE OUTER WINGS FEATHERS... BUT THE POOR LITTLE ONE... I'VE MESSED HIS "NATURAL" EVERYTHING SO MUCH, MOULTING IS PROBABLY "OFF" TOO NOW. BUT... WE HAVE A DOCTOR VISIT COMING... (and he has his very own "credit card") SO... I'LL KEEP MY EYE ON IT... - AND THEN... AFTER "MORNING MEDICS".... IT WAS TIME TO ATTACK THE HOUSE! OH... IT BOTHERED ME TO BOTHER HIM... We'd only just done a complete House-Keeping not so long ago and here I was, again, pulling EVERY-thing apart! And I did too...trays... ALL of them! And ALL of the sands went OUT into the drive. I put the trees into the shower and ran the water over them for about 30 minutes... just in case anything was on them. All the trays got WASHED and I took them out, into the HOT sun, put them on the rack that we use for Yonah's evening "sun" and gave them ALL a good coating of "Permethrin" letting the sun dry it onto the trays. No rinsing (of course). One thing I noticed: that spray seems to be a LOT of alcohol... OO! Did it ever smell of alcohol. AND... I gave Yonah's little "nest box" a HEFTY spraying too! Thankfully, the sun was hot enough to dry it out quickly. I'm hoping that what-ever residue of Permethrin in on there will help get rid of any (IF ANY) "boogz" Yonah might have in his feathers. I'll be watching for scratching from now on. AND... according to readings, the stuff is good for 3 months! YAY! Anyway... when everything was dry, I put Yonah's house back together. I'd even taken his pool out, because, well, I really didn't have any choice. The dish got a washing too. (I still want to find a pot of some kind so that I can put all the rocks in for a solid boiling.) The worst part of it all... no more sands. All the trays got covered in kitchen roll, single layer this time. So the main tray has one layer between it and the individual trays, hopefully allowing for the Permethrin to do its work. But... it looks so "not natural" in there now. In fact, it reminded me of the first horrid little "mesh box" and the earliest days of the "old house"... so stark, sterile. Still, THIS will be a GREAT help to me because of all the white. If there are ANY little "things" in there, I'll be able to see them now. And there's more sand to be sanitised and sterilised so, next round of "House-Keeping", we can put things back to "right". All told... it took ALL DAY! - Bad news? As I was working in the yard, Ms.Qvt was out and we engaged in chat. But, as much as I don't like chatting with it, the chats give me more insight as to what I'm dealing with over there. And she's full of "Jewish questions" so I get to be the "rep" for "my people" again (just like the old days in the Shelter, imagine that). Two things that came from today's nonsense: (1) She is NOT at all even remotely "fond" of the instigating shit on the Hill... and it seems she's done a bit of her own research and is familiar with the biased "books" of that thing... and she's not in favour of them. I mentioned the "picnic" coming and that that bigot will probably be there... She referred to it as "the black one". OK then... (2) When we'd parted (at long last) she said "I always enjoy or chats." Imagine that? Maybe for the same reason I do(n't)... "Know what you're dealing with." Mean-while, nobody can say I'm "rude". (Not that it makes all that much difference to me what these shits think of me... OH... August is going to be interesting! To be sure.) - THEN... as I was running about the house, putting things back together... THE SCREAMING OF AN AMBULANCE ROARING DOWN THE MAIN! I went to the door to see what the siren was and... IT WAS RIGHT ON THE TAIL OF DEBORAH/JULIO'S BLUE JEEP! I mean, that colour blue is so rare, I KNEW it HAD to be theirs. But it wouldn't pull over and the two vehicles zipped off and away round the bend... I put in a call to "the farm" to check to make sure Deborah was OK... Answering machine... OK... I was CONCERNED! - MEAN-WHILE AND AS ALL THIS WAS GOING ON... THE BLOODY INTERNET WENT OUT! WE'D HAD A BRIEF OUTAGE THIS MORNING AS I WAS CHECKING E-MAILS... ALL I SAW WAS THE SCREEN ON THE LAP-TOP DIM, FOR THE BRIEFEST MOMENT... AND THEN... I COULDN'T GET BACK ONTO THE INTERNET.... IT WAS SHOWING THAT THERE WAS SERVICE... I WAS "CONNECTED" BUT IT JUST WASN'T GOING ANY-WHERE! I TRIED EVERYTHING I COULD THINK OF TO GET IT TO WORK, INCLUDING UN-PLUGGING EVERY-THING... FOR ABOUT HALF AN HOUR! THAT DIDN'T WORK! THANKFULLY, THE PHONE DID THOUGH AND THAT MADE NO SENSE TO ME AT ALL! I'D ASKED Ms.qVT IFTHERE WAS SERVICE OVER THERE AND IT SAID THAT YES, BUT THAT THERE WAS AN OUTAGE DURING THE NIGHT. (THE OUTAGE WAS AT ABOUT 8.00 THIS MORNING... "I SLEPT LATE"... MUST BE NICE TO STAY IN BED UNTIL... 10.00, 11.00) ANYWAY, I RANG DAN, SINCE HE TOO, IS ON SPECTRUM AND HE GAVE ME THE SERVICE NUMBER... MY GUT WRENCHED AT THE VERY THOUGHT. BUT... I CALLED... AND GOT A GUY ON THE OTHER END WHO WAS SO CIVIL, THOROUGH AND NOT, IN THE LEAST, CONDESCENDING, AS THEY USUALLY ARE. BOTTOM LINE? MY "IP" HAD BEEN CORRUPTED AND *THEY* HAD TO RE-SET EVERYTHING FROM THEIR END... "IP REFRESH" AND ALL THAT SHIT. I WAS SO HAPPY THAT I ACTUALLY CALLED BACK AND SPOKE WITH ANOTHER REP TO THANK THEM. ("I'VE PUT A NOTE ON THE RECORDS FOR YOU.") BUT... ALL I COULD THINK OF IS THE E-MAIL FROM USPS... AND WHO KNOWS WHAT ELSE IS COMING THROUGH E-MAIL IN THE NEXT COUPLE OF WEEKS! I CAN'T AFFORD TO DROP A BEAT. AND THE NEW "CARD"... PAYING BILLS... KEEPING THE "CREDIT RECORDS" UP. AND THE ONLY REASON THOSE ARE IMPORTANT IS BECAUSE OF YONAH'S CARD NOW! BUT... THEY DID IT... AND THE PANIC IS DONE.... - Well, since I was SO in "RUN" MODE!, I just kept moving... moving... moving... Sweating, stinking, feeling like shit because of heat and humidity, resigned to the fact that tonight I HAVE NO CHOICE... SHOWER... so... I pulled out the drill and a bag of screws and... I PUT THE SLATS ON YONAH'S FUTON AT LAST! It's only been... I don't even know HOW long that that's been needed but today... NOW I CAN PUT THE PILLOWS ON THERE AND EVEN GET COMFY WITH-OUT WORRYING ABOUT THEM FALLING THROUGH AND ONTO THE FLOOR! And if/when I sleep there, I won't have to worry about pillows falling onto the floor and frightening Yonah... as has happened in the past! DONE! AT LAST! AND... AND... AND... HOOVERED THE HOUSE TOO! - "Evening Meal"? I NEVER got to the chicken... seasoning or other-wise... so, I threw some veggies into the pot with some of those "dumplings" I'd made and frozen... and that's that for that. Not exactly a "healthy" thing to call the one "meal" I have in a day but... I know that I have no choice BUT to eat because... if not, tomorrow will be living HELL! Even WORSE than "tomorrow's" are anyway these days. - AND NOW... because of the notes and my general bull-shitterie of the day... I have BOTH Journals to do this evening and there's nothing but notes again! And I HAVE to MUST shower... and, of course... I'm EXHASUTED... more-so because I actually DID something today. Fuck! - 21.04 I got carried away, testing t he internet to make sure it works... and was all over the place since it IS working... fuck me... I NEED a shower! I'm afraid I might be the source of any mites in this house... my face itches... beard... &c. so... NO CHANCES. Time for a REAL shower... Shame I don't have any Lysol left... Shame I don't have a TUB!!! A good soak in highly-salted water with a splash of Lysol would be MOST welcome... But I have NOTES for today and Yonah's journal is ready to up-load so... - 22.14 Having my ice cream now... e-mail reply to Deborah... She sent word that yes, it WAS Julio, careening down the main today! - AND... I JUST HAD TO PAY 7,99$ TO CHANGE THE DELIVERY OF YONAH'S FOOD!!! DUE WEDNESDAY... "SURE-FUCKING-POST'. SO I WENT TO THE UPS SITE AND "UP-GRADED"! I'M SICK TO FUCKING DEATH OF THIS "SURE-FUCKING-POST" BULL-SHIT! BUT I WANT THAT FOOD... LAST WEEK! IT'S GOT THE VITAMINS IN AND I NEED TO MIX ANOTHER BATCH OF HIS FOOD! HOPEFULLY NOW, IT'LL COME ON TUESDAY... BUT THEN AGAIN... ONLY HOPEFULLY! AND IT'S EATING INTO MY AUGUST ALBANY TRIPS! FUCKERS. BUT IT'S FOR MY LITTLE HEART-AND-SOUL... SO... I'VE NO PROBLEM WITH THAT. - I'm going to be a mess tomorrow... thankfully, there's nothing on the agenda! Shower at 23.00? KRISTE! But I can't go to rack with-out tonight! And meal? Not even time for yoghrut after. I shovelled it in and down, did the washing-up and Yonah and I were OUT OUT OUT into the SUN SUN SUN! OH... And I ran the truck for about 15 minutes... RELIEF! It started right up and ran well... Half tank still in there... I have to put that "GTP" in and run it through... Monday-week... Plattsburgh... echo... IF, on Thursday, they don't fuck with me with poking my pituitary with their swab... and I expect them to... Shit-sax! - 23.43 SCRUBBED! I DID... SCRUB! SOAP, SHAMPOO, SCRUB, TWICE! CLEAN... Now... let's see if I still "itch"... I'm only concerned about mites... and, stupid me though too... bedding? What-ever... I won't be getting to shut-eye until 1.00 at this rate... and up at 5.30... tomorrow's going to be difficult... at best.

Mon.18.Jul: THREE YEARS AGO TODAY AT 16.00
16.12 At this time, 3years ago, there was a truck PACKED so tightly that the drive of about 103 miles was all but impossible... rolling down the Northway... and it was HOT HOT HOT and HUMID HUMID HUMID! And I walked into this little shit-box and was amazed at how CLEAN it all was. And my "new bed" was on the back gallery and I was an EXHAUSTED MESS! This morning, that "thing" had rolled-in from being away for a 3-day "Sell Jesus" spree... the truck was full of boxes and I was so tired from being up before dawn, backed the truck to the garage and packed... And she had the fucking audacity to ask if I'd come back to "watch the house and Hallie and Mimou" on the week-ends! 103 miles each way? WHAT? And my heart was in shattered pieces... missing Hallie and Mimou... and so worried that she'd neglect them. But I got right to the un-packing of the truck and then... opened the new bed... and tried my best to actually enjoy being... ON MY OWN... FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YEARS! FOR THE FIRST TIME IN ALMOST MORE YEARS THAN I CAN RECALL TODAY... IT WAS THE END OF THE SHELTER... THE HELL OF VERMONT... LIVING IN ROOMS... NOTHING BUT A ROOM. THERE WAS A STOVE, A FRIDGE! CUP-BOARDS THAT I COULD PUT FOOD INTO! A FRIDGE THAT I COULD STORE FOOD IN! AND A PLACE TO PREPARE COOKED FOOD... FOR THE FIRST TIME IN TOO MANY YEARS.... To think, I've had my own place, "life", as it were, for only 3 years now... and MY... how shit has changed... And, here I sit, as the rain falls, with my little Heart-and-Soul, and I'm rapidly deteriorating, feeling as though all I'd need do is just "stop"... and it wouldn't be long. If not for Yonah... if not for Yonah... - Meanwhile... it's been a day of "catch-up"... and NAPS NAPS NAPS... I'VE BEEN SO BLOODY TIRED! - I'd turned the alarms off again this morning... and was up and about at about 5.40. No "contractions" last night, but, I didn't really get to that "sleep" or what-ever I have of a night, until about 1.00 this morning. 4 hours... and it sure-as-shit wasn't enough! I've been BURDENED ALL DAY... HEAVY... CHEST, HEAD, SINUSES... IT'S BEEN AN EFFORT JUST TO KEEP FROM GOING BACK TO YONAH'S FUTON... and I must have done that thrice, at least during the day. - But, I got up, out of bed and at 5.43 Yonah was up and our day commenced. And his "spot" looks "OK" today... not as good as I'd like to be able to say, but, as I say, no signs of infection or infestation. And when not in his nest box, he's been quite energetic today. - I did manage to wash the clothes I've been wearing for FAR TOO MANY DAYS... THEY WERE SO FILTHY THE WATER WAS BROWN! FUCKING DISGUSTING! WHAT HAVE I BECOME? I wasn't THIS filthy even in the Shelter! AND... of course... it's RAINED... ALL THROUGH THE DAY! No complaints about that though... the rain is needed and it's gotten rid of the heat and humidity. - And first thing this morning, another chipmunk got a soaking of "ACV" and released. - And as I was rinsing the washing this morning... OCULAR MIGRAINE !!! TO THE POINT WHERE I HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO FINISH THE WASHING, PUT IT ON THE LINE AND HEAD FOR YONAH'S FUTON! THAT WAS AT ABOUT 8.00... I'd set an alarm for 8.40... turned it off... and DIDN'T GET UP UNTIL 10.00!!! And even then, feeling "winded", tired, dragged. - When I went in to the kitchen to straighten things up and clear space, went to crush the salmon tin and the lid twisted... and I ALMOST shoved it into my thumb! Caught it JUST as it broke the skin and BLED! WOW! Do I ever BLEED these days! - THEN... had to work with the chicken... and spices... with a gash in the thumb. Oh... jolly. - By 11.29 Chicken in the oven... and I just tried to have the first smoke of the day and... I really can't. My head is "weighted", my sinuses feel "packed", my chest feels as though it can't expand, my throat feels "constricted" and I swear, at moments, it feels as if something is "moving about" in my chest cavity, up into my throat. There's no "rattling" in the chest, and not much in the way of what could be called "congestion" but it's "difficult". And I might have dodged that "migraine" this morning, but "vision-wise" it feels as though there's another, just waiting... and... top it off with nausea. There we have it. - And out-side? One quick drizzle, just enough to add to humidity, but thankfully cloudy... so no beating sun. - And I'm about ready for another "snooze"... - So much for the day... But there's nothing on the calendar... and the chicken was "the" important issue of the day and that's in the oven so... -
CHECKED THE BANQUING TO DAY... ***** YONAH'S CARD IS SHOWING ON THE RECS !!!! THE 500 AVAIL... NOTHING DUE. YONAH'S CARD IS OFFICIALLY UP AND RUNNING! ***** NOW WE WAIT FOR IT TO ARRIVE AND... IT YONAH'S "HEALTH INSURANCE"... HE HAS COVERAGE! ***** AND I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER FOR IT! *****
And, coincidentally... the rent cheque presented... TODAY, of all days... I don't care because I can't care because... (I'm rather excited to hear the reaction when Mass-hole hears that "his precious PO" is being "saved" by... his tenant! THIS is all so "intriquing".) - AND... I had a ginger tisane this afternoon and WOW... what a difference it makes! I'm rather amazed! It truly DOES make a major difference... I have energy again... and breath... and AIR! - 16.34 Journals are current at last again... and the rains are falling... again... "meal" on the hob... the chicken is done for the next 7 meals. And I've actually managed to have a cigarette today. I didn't think I'd be able to. It's been another one of those "tight in the left chest up the throat" days. - Oh well... - I WANT ANOTHER NAP TOO... before meal? What-ever. - 19.47 I am REALLY even MORE exhausted than I've been in a while of late! But I'm probably still trying to recover from last night... and the THREE naps during the day didn't help matters at all. - But at least not only did I have evening meal on time... I was done by 17.30 and I'm THRILLED to see that today's Journalling is current! All that remains is the day's closing. - And it's still raining out there. Tomorrow, we get a break. - (And Ms.Qvt is howling on the phone over there... I can almost hear every word... as I sit in the kitchen... Oh... to be away from this! I miss the place on Roosa Gap. Come to say, Norwood was quieter... but I most seriously doubt it's anything NEAR "quiet" these days... especially with that mosque-hole across 206th. Fuck.) - Anyway... tomorrow... the FS interview. Thursday... the "swab". Monday the echo. And HERE WE GO... MOVE MOVE MOVE RUN RUN RUN GO GO GO and all the while I keep wondering if the return to activity will make ME a little better or a lot worse. If nothing else... 2 hours a day isn't bad... I'm just curious as to how Yonah will take it. But then... this job is for HIM. - OH OH OH... The 677 score on the TNCU site? The new card hit it... ACTUALLY SLAMMED, RAN OVER AND ALMOST ANNIHILATED IT! 6-FUCKING-25 NOW! I don't even have the damned card and BAM! Oh well... at least the card was approved... we have that much... as for "score"? They can shove that... just so long as the card works as it ought to... when it must. Still... FUCK! - I don't care because I can't care. - I have managed to have a couple of smokes during the day. But none before noon. I'll have to see if I can't pull that tomorrow too. - Right now, I could, I think, just go to the rack and call it done... but I have such FEAR ("terror" really) of contractions and now, with all of this "respiratory" bull-shit... MAJOR congestion from laying down too long! One of these days this is going to become "shift-sleep"... lay down for an hour or 2, up for an hour or 2, down for an hour or 2... "Old"... the "Golden Years"... and I can't help but believe that the 8 years in VT only made things MUCH worse... stress, poor diet, all that shit in the air, biking all over the place, the biking to E.Fairfield in the rain and through the cow shit on the road... breathing it all in... (and Demuro doesn't want to hear about ANY of that... fuktard.) - ANYHOO... 20.13 Yonah is tucked-in... the house is calm for now. There's a dove out there NOW, after none all day, woo-HOO'ing! Oh well... and I'm tired but... Yonah's journal is ready for the server and this one is too in a moment. (And the Qvt is thumping about... "fucking idiot" as those are so fond of saying.... But... MAYBE I can get into the rack BEFORE 22.00! That would be nice... though I'll probably be SHIT in the morning... - Limited hours ahead... and so it begins... Hooduh thunk it? - HAPPY 3-YEAR ANNIVERSARY... "YOU'RE LIVIN' THE DREAM!" WAKE ME UP! THIS IS NOT HOW I SAW IT... REALLY. - 21.30 IF ONLY I COULD FIGURE OUT HOW TO MAKE EVERY NIGHT, FROM NOW ON, THIS NIGHT... Off to the rack ... but let's see how the night goes...

Tue.19.Jul: (Catching up again: Fri.22.Jul: 9.01)
WHAT A FUCKING ARSE-RIPPING DAY THIS WAS! HOT! HUMID! AND THE FUCKERIES AND BULL-SHIT WERE JUST... WELL...
The NYSEG bill arrived in today's post... the *USAGE* 1175kwh!!! HOW THE FUCK? The *BILL*... 156,03! the CHARGES? 212.,95! And looking at the "usage graph"... ALMOST TRIPLE LAST YEAR, THIS MONTH! SO... by 11.30 this morning, the SHIT was FLYING! - A call to NYSEG to simply verify that the graph is the "actual usage". Spoke with a "rep" who confirmed, but then started in on some diatribe about this, that and the other thing with the "I see here, on your account..." That's NOT what I wanted or needed to know this morning... I wanted specifics, not lectures. And knowing the graphs stats... well, even as I considered the next step, my head spun, chest locked... Mass-hole! And I explained to the nice rep that, IF somebody would simply look at the sudden "SPIKE" in usage, it would be OBVIOUS why I'm pissed. Ah well... OK... SO... got the info I needed and... OFF TO LIVING HELL! MASS-HOLE! TWO FUCKING-BLOODY CALLS! SHIT-HEAD STARTS WITH TELLING ME THAT 1175kwh IS "TYPICAL". DOESN'T HAVE MY BILL... DOESN'T SEE MY FUCKING HISTORY... BUT IT TELLING ME WHAT'S "NORMAL" FOR HERE. THEN... STARTS WITH THE "AVERAGE"... FROM 2022... NOT THE COMPARISON WITH 2021 AND 2020... NO... FUKTARD JUST COULDN'T GRASP THAT THE "COMPARISON" IS FUCKING *ANNUAL*. MAKE IT INSULTING? HE SAYS HE WANTS ME TO READ THE "kwh" FROM THIS YEAR'S BILLS AND THEN... REPEATS... S L O W L Y ... "Kee...lo...wat...ow...erz"! FUCK YOU! AS THOUGH SPEAKING TO A COMPLETE RETARD! I REMINDED HIM THAT HE'S NOT SPEAKING TO THAT THING NEXT DOOR AND THAT THERE'S NO REASON TO START CONDESCENDING AND INSULTING ME. JUST AS WOULD BE EXPECTED, HE TRIED TO SPIN IT AGAINST ME... CLAIMING "I'M YOUR FRIEND HERE..." THEN... JUST HAPPENS TO "SLIP IN" THAT HE'LL BE COMING TO TOWN AT THE END OF THE WEEK... *** AND *** HIS TAXES HAVE BEEN INCREASED *** AND *** HE'S RAISING RENT *** "Only enough to cover my operating expenses." AND SOMETHING ABOUT THE POST OFFICE HAVING A "CLAUSE" THAT I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT. BUT, HE APPEARS TO BE OF THE BELIEF THAT HE'LL BE COMING TO TOWN AND WE'LL BE GOING THROUGH MY BILLS. THEN HE TELLS ME THAT I *NEED* TO CALL NYSEG AND "DEMAND" A NEW METER. HE WILL NOT TAKE ANY RESPONSIBILITY FOR ANY OF THIS BULL-SHIT! FINE!
TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE... HE TELLS ME THAT A "MINIMUM" OF 800kwh IS NECESSARY TO RUN EVEN THE REFRIGERATOR! THAT *NO* HOUSE0HOLD CAN RUN ON 8ANY* LESS THAN THAT! MEAN-WHILE... MY "AVERAGES" BEFORE THIS FUCKERIE WERE ABOUT 175-180/MONTH... (except ini Winter when the furnace runs, of course) BUT THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE! FUCKING SHIT-HEAD, THAT ONE.
SO I DID CALL NYSEG BACK, AND TOLD THEM THAT I WAS TOLD TO "DEMAND" A NEW METER AND, OF COURSE, THEY SAID THAT THEY DON'T JUST GIVE NEW METERS... ***** BUT ***** THE SECOND REP ASKED ME TO GO THROUGH THE READING THAT I'D SUBMITTED AND, THANKFULLY, I STILL HAD THE PHOTO OF THE METER... AND I READ THROUGH IT... LO! BEHOLD! AND I'LL BE FUCKED... BECAUSE I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND THE "PASSING ZERO" SHIT... *I* ADDED 1000kwh! IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ONLY 175! THERE WAS NO OFFER TO RE-BILL SO I'M LEAVING IT... AND I CALCULATED, IN PENCIL, ON THE BILL, WHAT ANOTHER 175kwh SHOULD BE FOR THE NEXT READING (which, unfortunately, will be by NYESG... BUT there's going to be quite the adjustment... OR, THERE HAD BETTER BE, in August's bill! ANYWAY... I made a quick call back to Mass-hole to say: All's good... there was a mis-reading on the meter... Mass-hole was "on another call"... SAVED! Still... BULL-FUCKING-SHIT AND FUCKERIE! ON AN OTHER-WISE NOT GREAT DAY. - NOW... LET'S SEE WHAT KIND OF SHIT GETS SLUNG ROUND THE PLACE WHEN THAT "FUCKING LAND-LORD" SHOWS AT THE DOOR... COME THE WEEK-END... which is, probably, for the fucking "Annual Do In The Park".
***** ***** ***** MAKE MATTERS WORSE, I DID A LOOK-UP ON RENT INCREASES IN THE STATE... THERE'S NO LIMIT! NO PERCENTAGES! NOTHING OTHER THAN, * BY LAW *, LAND-LORDS *HAVE* TO GIVE A 90-DAY NOTICE OF RENT INCREASES... *** IN WRITING ***. YEAH... I'M PRETTY SURE THAT'S NOT HAPPENING HERE, EVEN THOUGH, WHEN I TOLD THE SHIT THAT I'M LOOKING FOR ANOTHER PLACE, HE JUMPED AT ME "DEMANDING" A "30-DAY WRITTEN NOTICE"... THE "LAW"... JUST LIKE A BRAINLESS NEW ENGLANDER... APPLICABLE ONLY WHEN IT SUITS THEM. WE SHALL SEE. BUT, A 17% INCREASE WILL STILL BE 85$... SO I'M EXPECTING HIM TO FUCK ME WITH 100$ WELL... I'LL BE WORKING... AND... IN CONTROL OF "HIS POST OFFICE"... SCREW ME? YOU LOSE YOUR POST OFFICE... AND, I CAN SEE TO IT THAT THAT HAPPENS... WITH EASE. (THERE'S THAT "GUARDIAN ANGEL" AGAIN. I DON'T UNDERSTAND... I DON'T QUESTION. I'M *NOT* AS EVIL AS ADVERTISED? ***** ***** *****
So there went the entire morning and well into the after-noon and I'm SO PISSED, I CAN'T DESCRIBE IT HERE... NOT BECAUSE OF THE GENERAL ABUSE... ***** BECAUSE I'D INTENDED TO BE WITH YONAH ALL DAY TODAY AND WITH ALL THE PHONE SHIT... WE DIDN'T HAVE THAT TIME! I'M JUST RIP-PISS-FUCKING ROARING LIVID! - 20.28 Day's done... it's SO FUCKINGHOT AND HUMID now! I feel like shit, because of sweating! Typing tonight, is a bitch... I'm EXHAUSTED... even MORE than usual... aggravation and the shit! I'm jotting notes again... just when it took me an entire day to catch-up with the last time! - There's nothing on the agenda for tomorrow so let's see who or what comes along to fuck that up. - Everything that means anything to this day is on Yonah's Journal... and THAT really and truly is ALL that matters for ANY day and EVERY part of ANY day. And he's tucked-in... THAT is my "consolation". - I might call Richie to see about an inspection for the truck. i need to run the truck though. I was going to do that today but... well... FUCKED on that as well! AND... I'm finding that I'm smoking TOO MUCH again! In fact, I'm probably up to about 75% of a pack! NOT NOT NOT GOOD! SHITFUK! Well let's see what I can salvage... with a bit of ice cream... AND TO THE RACK! -
***** ***** ***** 21.12 I was sitting at the kitchen table, watching my Brit, having my ice cream, looking forward to either showering or simply heading to the rack when... "Hello?" There's a young woman standing at the front door! Can I tell her how far away is the nearest gas station! With-out getting up, I told her the usual... 4 miles straight ahead.
"Are you JEWISH?"
"Yes." (I really wasn't in much of a mood for...)
"ME TOO! SHALOM! SHALOM!"
So I got up and went over... "D'vorah"... heading to Monsey and her gas gauge was ON "empty"!
She was coming from MTL... family business, and on her way home when she needed gas and the "app" on the phone told her to get off at the next exit and in 14 miles... Anyway, she'd come UP from "The Junction" and when things got "dark" along the way she resolved to stop at the first open door or light... and here I was.
"What are you doing HERE?" ("THE" question.)
We got talking and I gave her Yonah's number and told her to text me when she got gas.
"I'll call you if I don't make it. You can come rescue me, make dinner. Are you kosher.... ish?"
Typical... "You'll... &c." but, I'm too wise for that. I have a gallon of gas in the garage... I'll bring that and you'll be on your way.
OH! AND... she said "Can we hug?" "Modern Orthodox"? HUG? ME? Yeah... but I was and said I was "schwitzige". She didn't mind. Poor thing was probably SO relieved to find somebody... gas... and a JEW!
Well! She DID CALL me when she got gas and then chatted as she made her way to the Northway...
And THEN... 21.46... CALLED ME FROM THE NORTHWAY! The "dead zone" cut us off... several times. She wanted to chat... and all I could think of is "DEER!" She needed to pay attention! So I finally managed to send her a text saying "Be careful! Text me when you make it home."
I have a sinking feeling this is going to be something.... but I'm in no mood for such nonsense. "Single mother. Jewish? We shall see... I fear. ***** ***** *****
It's time to wrap this day up! I'm soaked... tired... need a shower but TOO TOO TOO FUCKING TIRED!

Wed.20.Jul: (Catch-up... I'm getting fed-up with this "catch-up" shit... Fri.22.Jul: 13.25)
12.20 BAD NIGHT. BAD DAY. DIDN'T GET TO THE RACK UNTIL ABOUT 23.30... STILL AWAKE BECAUSE OF HEAT AND HUMIDITY AT 1.00 THIS MORNING. ABOUT 3 CONTRACTIONS... LEFT FOOT, LEG/THIGH, RIGHT CALF... UP AND ABOUT. BUT... D'VORAH DID TEXT AT ABOUT THAT HOUR ANYWAY... SHE MADE IT HOME... I DID A LITTLE "RESEARCH" ON HER BECAUSE I WAS AWAKE... ON THE RACK:
41 years of age (and rather typical almost some-what spoiled from as I see). 4 boys. Lives in Pomona... from Monsey and Lakewood. Has a business: preserving floral arrangements in Lucite (resin... which, on her web-site is spelt "resign") blocks. Looked-up the house... "contemporary ranch, wood, dark brown, non-descript, some-what "rural road. Not what I'd expected but... there she is. AND... HER TEXT? SHE'LL BE GOING BACK UP TO MTL IN AUGUST, CAN SHE STOP BY TO SAY HELLO WITH HER BOYS? LOARD! HERE WE GO... NOT.
Yonah called this morning at about 6.13... POOR BABY! I GOT UP, OPENED HIS HOUSE AND WINDOWS... GOT ON HIS FUTON... WOKE AT ABOUT 8.30... IT'S GOING FOR 34°. I'M FEELING "HEAVY". BRINGING THE TRUCK INTO RICHIE AT 13.00 FOR INSPECTION. NEVER RAN IT YESTERDAY. BUT MY LITTLE HEART-AND-SOUL SEEMS TO BE QUITE WELL TODAY... SKIPPING THE BETADINE... AT LEAST FOR ANOTHER DAY. A BIT PAINFUL IN THE RIGHT SHOULDER-BLADE... 14.04 Just back from Richie... THE FUCKING THING STILL "ISN'T READY"! SO... * GTP * IN THE *TANK* !!! NOW I have to figure out where to drive, NO BUMPS, fat fucking chance of that, and NO HILLS... and THAT'S ANOTHER fat fucking chance. I just don't want the muffler to fall off before the inspection sticker goes on. Oh well... - Meanwhile... I've ALL of yesterday's journals AND today's.. and it's 30° in Yonah's room, 34° out-side... and HUMID! And my chest is "strapped" now... If I were still drinking... IF... - 19.58 At 13.30 no fucking inspection again... "Still "not ready". Personally I think he's full of shit! AMy was there again... THREE postal vehicles... and Richie told her the SAME shit about the "not ready"... and then said "That's what I tell him but he won't do it." meaning all the driving. FUCK YOU! Really. I DO think he's full of some kind of shit anyway... BUT... WHEN I GOT BACK TO THE HOUSE, I PUT THE "GTP" INTO THE TANK! I know it has to be run through, so I'm hoping the trip to Plattsburgh, on Monday, will "do it". Tuesday... I'll just stop by... HOPEFULLY not "Check Engine". I'll have to take it EASY on the trip to Plattsburgh... give it an hour... FUCK! - I'm SO TIRED of hit bull-shit now! Tomorrow, I'll try getting out for something, though not far... I have no place I want to go to. Richie says "Go up to Baxter's". I looked it up... it's on the way to Keene! About 12 miles, should be a 15-minute each way but... no... not now. I have too much to do with that truck. And if I don't get the inspection done before Albany, I'll blame "the mechanic" and the "not ready" and see what I can get away with on that. Oh... JUST FUCK! REALLY! Now to hope that nothing more goes wrong with tyres, wheels, brakes... JEEZUS! - And it's SO BLOOD HOT TONIGHT! AND I'M RUNNING TWO DAMNED DAYS BEHIND IN JOURNALS... I JUST CAN'T... SO TIRED, HOT, SWEATY, EXHAUSTED... AND GOING BACK TO FUCKING WORK!... IF I MAKE IT TO ALBANY, WHICH IS MORE ON MY MIND AND EATING AT MY HEART AND SOUL! LEAVING YONAH ALONE ALL DAY... AND WORRYING ABOUT BREAK-DOWNS AND... I'M SO OVER-WHELMED AT THIS POINT! - 22.42 BLOODY-FUCKING LATE AGAIN... BUT... SHOWERED... QUICKLY... BUT SHOWERED... NOW FOR THE HELL THAT IS A NIGHT ON THE RACK. AND TOMORROW MORNING? 8.00 AT THE CLINIC... FOR A BLOODY "COVID TEST"! AND THAT SHIT I TRULY DO NOT LOOK FORWARD TO... I JUST DON'T TRUST THOSE SHIT-SAX!

Thu.21.Jul: (Catching-up... and tired of this... Fri.22.Jul: 13.51!)
8.59 "TESTED"... LAB-RAT... FUCK. Been there. Swabbed. Quick trip through the market. All I wanted was ice cream, really, but... veggies... no meats. Back. Nose feels "warm". Nasty swab. Felt "greased". That :blue-haired" nurse... Great sense of "reality". I said something about beingh "tested" now for an appointment in 4 days and what about the time in between. HE said "Or maybe it's all just a joke." Yeah... Funny though. I had internet in the parking lot so I WAS able to "call" the number on the door... Nobody answered. And there was a woman there for the "test"... she has a procedure on Tuesday! We joked about being tested today and locking-up in the loo until... This whole shit-show is an insult. Anyway, thankfully, it was just a little swab. Still... my nose feels awful and I've been blowing it like crazy... just in case there's any "untoward mystery shit" in there. - Well? Step 1 of "weeks ahead", check. - TIRED! SO wanted to snooze! Yonah was up at 6.25. And I keep thinking of August! On Monday... I have to be out of here and on the road by 5.30 and leaving Yonah alone until... probably 19.00! SHIT! THEN, on Tuesday... out by 4.30! And HOPEFULLY they'll give up by about noon... I am NOT "happy"!!! I'm MISERABLE! - And a text from D'vorah... SHE'S just boarding a place... TO MEXICO! Quite the traveller... I wonder where she gets her money... single mother of 4 boys? I don't envy her though. Travelling these days? Shit. I don't have the patience for the nonsense... My "travelling days" are done, done and gone. Fuck... I don't even like the notion of going to Plattsburgh... even for shopping! Not even to Ticonderoga! - 13.08 and 30° in Yonah's room again! Sun shining. A slight breeze now and again, but even THAT's HOT! - AND MY NOSE... Not sure if it's from the "swabbing" that I did when I got back... with peroxide and then water and then dry, but it burns. Slightly but... - Just up from an hour's snooze (which included PLAY with YONAH as I laid on the futon). I'm SO BLEATING TIRED! AND THERE'S SO MUCH JOURNALLING! And I want to sleep! - 15.25 POURING... AT LAST! HOPEFULLY IT'LL TAKE THE HUMIDITY AWAY! And I'm still working on Yonah's journal... THIS one is STILL SO FAR BEHIND! And it's time for another snooze. I just can't handle this all! The fatigue comes quickly and heavily. These coming weeks will prove "interesting"... if I can manage to stay awake. The drives to Albany and back will be a challenge! To be sure! Like the "old days"... driving along the 87, weary. In the "old days" it was slightly drunk... today? Same but different same. But THESE days... worrying about the truck making it on top of everything the fuck else! Oh... THIS is NOT the way "retirement" and the "golden years" were advertised. It's a FUCK! If not for Yonah, I seriously WOULD just check out of it all... - 20.47 Well.. the day is done.. .YONAH'S Journal is current but I have IMAGES AND VIDEOS TO ADD! And THIS Journal IS DAYS behind! And I don't have the energy... and I'm schqitzige. But... the day was Yonah... and it's all on there... so... CATCH-UP A-fucking-GAIN! And I have the gut feeling Mass-hole will show up tomorrow... No doubt, it'll be here on Saturday for the Annual Do in the park. I REALLY do NOT want to look at that thing! AND, I'm expecting trouble with the "rent increase" too. Well? 2 more weeks... and won't they all be quite surprised... and I WILL make this happen! NO MATTER WHAT! - I'm tired... - 22.06 Close to "civil hour" but not "close enough"! I HAVE to work on 21.30! ESPECIALLY considering what's to come! And worrying about CONTRACTIONS doesn't help! But I'm SURE THOSE will be regular and frequent... come the August trips! FUCK!

Fri.22.Jul: 8.53 I still don't know why, but, I woke about 2 minutes before this morning's first alarm and decided to get up and out of bed. What have I done with all that time? Nothing. I'm STILL a week behind on this journal. Thankfully, current with Yonah's though. Tried for a 30-minute snooze, but this morning Yonah had other ideas... HE was up at 5.57. (Me? About 4.57... imagine that.) But the house is "in order". I need to hoover and that's that for this. - NOT looking forward to the "confrontation" that awaits this week-end with the Mass-hole. NOT looking forward to the bull-shit of the "rent increase" and the sob-story that will, no doubt, accompany. It's moments like this when I SO miss the "old days" of The City. This "I'm your friend" shit-fest is sickening. - Still waiting for word from USPS about Albany. - And I'm TIRED. But that's nothing new. Today though, it's the fuckeries. At least it's 24° right now and not too bad with the heat. - My chest and upper bit are in steel straps too. - AND, I'm trying to decide whether or not to apply more Betadine to Yonah's wing. It looks "OK"... nothing else... just "OK". And he WAS quite active this morning. He's in his nest box now... Oh well... another day... Here we go... on to the "catching-up"... a-fucking-gain. - 11.55 WELL... I SUSPECT THE VILLAGERS ARE ALL AWARE NOW... Ms. NEXT-DOOR GREETED ME WITH "If it isn't out next post master...." !!!! WELL? HERE WE GO. - Meanwhile... I walked out to get the NO mail (no Yonah's card !) and the Instigator came rolling-up with a cheerie "Hi!" I tried to dodge by going in the back door but that's on the latch so... ANOTHER MORNING... PISSED AWAY. Back to "catch-up"... fuck. - 13.23 THIS DAY IS GONE TOO FAST AND I TRIED FOR ANOTHER SNOOZE BUT YONAH HAD OTHER IDEAS... AND THEN HE SHAT ON MY HEAD... *WATER*! THIS IS BOTHERING ME! AND THEN I LOOKED AT HIS LITTLE "SPOT" AND DECIDED... BETADINE! SO WE'VE DONE THAT AND I HAVEN'T HAD MID-DAY NOSH... AND AM STILL ON THIS MORNING'S COFFEE AND ONLY ON WED. ON THIS JOURNAL! FUCK! - 14.06 AT LAST AT LAST AT LAST! ALL BACK TO "CAUGHT UP"! AND ANOTHER DAY PISSED AWAY WITH THIS SHIT! WHY IS IT SO IMPORTANT? IT'S NOT AS THOUGH ANYBODY BUT ME WILL EVER READ ALL THIS SHIT. THOUGH, IT HAS COME IN HANDY... AS REFERENCE... BUT EVEN THEN... - So, I have to smile... or not... about Next Door knowing about the job, I wonder how many others know... and why nobody's said anything about it. And, I'm still waiting for Mass-hole to "appear at the door". Now THAT's going to be... what-ever. I'm in NO mood for him and his retardation. Still, there's one thing that was "touched-on" this morning with a chat with Crystal:
HE WANTS what he considers "HIS" post office here... and now, even now, I'm in a position to close that all down and let it all disappear. Piss me off now and... even now... I don't have to show-up in Albany on the 1st and 2nd and that means it's all done... and at this point in time, I don't believe another THREE postings for the position will be tolerated... and, well, the villagers will have to find somebody else to apply for and take the job,. And their precious Mariette already doesn't want it... Who's left? I can't think of a soul. So? Buh-bye yellow brick 12964.
Yonah's already removed the Betadine... and his poop is water... almost completely all water. I'm NOT comfortable with that. - But now... I have Yonah's images and videos to work on/with and his Journal to bring current for today... MOVE MOVE MOVE ALONG! - 14.28 Working on Yonah's Journal but just remembered:
Call from CVPH... So "sweet". Who-ever it was either wasn't the one who'd called the last time or she didn't remember me but... GOOD THING I ASKED WHERE TO GO! THE TARDS HERE SAID "214 Cornelia"... I called for "pre-reg" and THEY said "75 Beekman"... THIS one said "Cornelia". Fucking morons. But, she put me at ease... looks like my jeans and boots will be fine. I still don't like this but... when she said "sneakers, t-shirt, shorts" I thought "OH HELL NO!" So I asked if they were going to work me to having an out-right coronary. She said NO. OK... BUT... "check-in"... 12.45! I thought so. I'm going to HAVE to leave here at 11.30 on Monday... and the earlier I leave, the more time away from Yonah! I DO NOT NOT NOT LIKE THIS AT ALL! Away from my Little Guy... my Heart-and-Soul! But I have to do this... so that I know (a little better) what the actual fuck is going on with this old body... We have, at least, another 3 years to go!
And I'm so tired... -
AT ABOUT 19.15, AS I WAS GETTING READY TO BRING YONAH BACK IN... THE PHONE. MASS-HOLE
"Jude! Alden! How are you?"
"Hello Alden. A bit tired but other-wise OK."
(My voice was raspy too... I mean, it's HOT and I'm tired.)
"How about tomorrow morning, say 9 o'clock?"
"For what?"
"To go over your electric bill."
"No, I don't want to be bothered with that. It's been a rather hectic couple of weeks, and I'm heading into a heavier month. Besides, Saturday is my one day of the week that I don't do business."
"Oh. I thought that's what we were gonna do. And check the meter."
"No. I don't want to be bothered with that, really. I have other pans with other fish to fry these days."
"Oh. Well I'm just getting ready to eat now so, OK."
"OK then."
"Well, OK. Have a good night."
"Thanks. You too."
DONE! - GO OVER MY ELECTRIC BILL? WHY? I TOLD YOU WHAT MY USAGE WAS AND IS. THERE'S NO NEED TO "GO OVER" MY "BILL"! AND AS FOR * SATURDAY *, I THINK NOT ! AND IF THERE'S ANYTHING YOU NEED TO DISCUSS ABOUT RENT INCREASES, I'LL NEED THAT IN WRITING PLEASE, IN CASE I NEED TO PRESENT IT TO HUD FOR ASSISTANCE. (NOT TO MENTION... IT'S THE "LEGAL" WAY TO HANDLE IT.) WHAT THE FUCK? GOES NEXT DOOR, SITS FOR COFFEE... COMES IN HERE AND LEAVES TWO STOVES IN THE KITCHEN... FUCK OFF! TOMORROW IS GOING TO BE "INTERESTING"... I FEAR... I'VE A GUT-WRENCH THAT IT'S NOT GOING TO BE PEACEFUL... FUCK... AND THAT'S NOT WHAT I NEED RIGHT NOW... BEFORE MONDAY! I'VE JUST HAD IT... ESPECIALLY AFTER CHATTING WITH CRYSTAL TODAY... AND LEARNING ABOUT "THEIR JESSICA" AND MUCH BULL-SHIT.*
20.20 Yonah's Journal is CURRENT and on the server! He's tucked-in for the night. 19° for the low so his window is half open, curtains open again to let the air in, and his fan is on until later. I'm relieved! - It's humid tonight too. And tomorrow? OH... but a LOL: "possibilité d'ORAGES"! OH... but one can only hope! Same for Sunday too! (HOPE HOPE HOPE!) And if Mass-hole wants to "stop by", I shall be "welcoming" and if we MUST chat... then we shall... and if it comes to it, since Ms. Qvt knows about me taking the PO in August, I'll drop it on the floor here too, with a the slightest "nuance" of a "as long as it's convenient for me to keep the job, I'll do what I can." And I'll leave it at that. (Sadly, I looked at the Crgslst this evening... nothing but shit. But... once all this "inspection" shit is done, and the trips to Albany and Saratoga... I've figured that I ought to have about 7c/mo. more than I have now so... MAYBE NOW I'LL BE ABLE TO FIX THE TRUCK... TO RE-LOCATE... YONAH AND I! EVEN IF IT IS OUT TO THE WEST. WHAT-EVER IT TAKES TO MAKE HIS LIFE MORE COMFY, MORE SPACE OUT-SIDE! And me too... but me AFTER him! We'll see how that all plays out. - For now... THIS Journal is caught-up (again). Yonah's is CURRENT... I'm tired... and I want a quick shower tonight so... OFF WE GO! Ice cream, Brit, douche and rack! And hopefully a night of rest! Yonah photos tomorrow! -
* THE * ABOVE: I told Crystal, this morning, that there was a LOT that was said to me about people here, when I first arrived. And I told her that Jess had said "Oh, that's Crystal. She's really not familiar with the way we do things here." Crystal said that Jess had led people here to believe that SHE was Crystal's boss! And all the while, Jess... PMR... Crystal... PTF? People don't understand the hierarchy and so Jess got away with more shit! Becky too. So, I can only imagine what OTHER shit-fuckerie went on back then. And who knows? Maybe the villagers hate me because of it... maybe they don't. But... Mass-hole is a great part of it all too... I even told Crystal that "I'm to understand that he's always wanted to 'own' a post office. Never mind, people don't 'own' post offices... but the post office WILL own them." She laughed in agreement. "I don't know why he wants this post office to stay open." she'd said. Now she knows... and I know... and there we have it. What I don't know is why I'm being blessed with all this information. But then again... that seems to be the way my life-time has run... give them the opportunity... and all the shit floats.
It's 20.44... I want all of this on the server... and I want a shower... and I want a night's sleep. Hey! I've been up since about 5.00 and no "real snoozes"! Here's hoping for SLEEP tonight! AND... waking no later than 5.00 tomorrow... I have a "routine" to get into ... for 2 days... of driving... 4 hours each day! - 20.48 AT LAST! CURRENT AGAIN! Let's see how long this lasts this time... Eh? - 22.50 and I'm heading for the shower... Deb sent an e-mail about tomorrow's do and her chocolates in Wilmington and got me looking for Krum's. Now I'm late and a little teary. "Time"... it's all gone... SO MUCH TOO MUCH OF IT... GONE! fukkit! 23.17

Sat.23.JulL18.58 and I'm only JUST getting to today's journalling! And it's STILL MISERABLY HOT! Météo claims it's "only" 31° and humidty is "only" 48% BUT I'm sitting on the work tables chair on the back gallery and I'm some-where on a verge og being physically sick to my stomach as the sweat pours over my fore-head! Yonah is out wit me, in his old house, on the "rack", and he's been SPLAYED, IN ALL HIS GLORY, SOAKING IN THE SUN-SHINE AND HEAT AND WHAT-EVER ELSE IS IN THE LIGHT! I DON'T KNOW HOW HE MANAGES IT! BUT... I suppose it's a LOT better than the darkness in his room... all day... even with the sun-shine we had all day. HOPEFULLY THIS sun-shine will help him... with vitamin D and his vision and what-ever else might ail him. (Now I'm seriously wondering what we'll do come Winter this year. It would be nice if we weren't here... and in some place where I could pt up something larger, more spacious, and "heated", out-side. But, I dream... indeed I do. - Anyway, I almost slept-in for a while this morning but managed to RIP me out of the bed shortly before the 5.15 alarm and was no sooner up and about when Yonah woke, so the day commenced at that point.. and it moved along all the while there-after. - And I stopped over to the PO to check the post, at about 9.30... since everything was boxed... NO YONAH CARD YET! But they did say "5-7 business days". Yesterday was 5... BUT./ A NEW BILL FROM NYSEG... BELIEVE IT OR NOT! (Have to believe it... I have it!) Down from 212 to 91! They adjusted it! AND... THAT INCLUDES MY 56$ "PAYMENT"! It's almost a shame that Mass-hole stayed away so that I could show the imbecile that my "usual" usage is but about 175kwh. But I'm so sick of that shit-sack right now that... when it showed up at the PO, standing out-side on the ramp (fucking moron... and his hypochondria and other shitterie) I DID, actually, and physically gut-wrench! So I made a comment to Crystal about getting out of the PO because I'll be spending too much time there later and Mass-hole picked-up on it and said "Why do you spend too much time here?" I said to Crystal "Did you tell him?" and she said "No. I never had a chance to even talk with him." and Mass-hole asked "Tell me what?" I just left and came back in... Later, I popped back to ask if Alvin knows and mentioned how there will be some angry people around and she told me that that's just too bad for them. Looks like there'll be some support for me here... Now all I have to do is make the 2 days in Albany! - And as for the rest of the day... I worked on getting ALL of the images on Yonah's Journal together. There were 18 that had to be re-named and several that needed "adjusting" in size. And, at 13.00... the "fest" across the Hill began and the dimwits congregates... with, of course, the Mass-hole AND the Instigator. I was SO glad I had NO intention of being there And there were some sort of "speeches"... applause, applause... and photos and by 15.00 they were packing and running. So it was quick and done. - AI have a feeling Ms. Qvt didn't attend. I didn't see her, but Mrs. McFuknut was there after the do, and I heard the voices but not the words and Mrs. McFuknit called "You take care/" so... I find it a fucking shame if Qvt didn't attend because of the doxxing bigot. But... that's life as it is. - And I TRIED to snooze thrice during the day. My Little Love-bug wasn't having it! He was SO active all day today! And, his "spot" is looking good again. I'm really wondering if it isn't muolting. And I'm HOPING that it is... nothing more than that. - And we had meal together this evening. I wasn't really in the mood to eat, especially hot food but, I know better. And now I'm paying the price. - 19.17 TWO DOVES ON THE EDGE OF THE ROOF OF THE POST OFFICE... AT LAST! AND YONAH CALLING "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo" and "woo-HOO!" I hope my presence doesn't keep the others away. - Thankfully, some clouds are covering the sun... so Yonah's not in it directly, and it's a bit cooler... - OH.. THERE ARE MARIGOLD IN THE KITCHEN GARDEN! SEEDS FROM THE MARIGOLDS LAST YEAR! AND THY LOOK QUITE LOVELY! NOT THE SOLID ROW ID PLANTED BUT... WHEN THIS HEAT IS GONE, I MIGHT TRY TO MOVE THEM ABOUT. - Anyway... back to Yoah's journal. I don't want "notes" again! - 20.23 My Heart-and-Soul is tucked-in for the night and his Journal is current! I'm amazed and proud of me! (And I'm feeling "odd"... pain in the left upper chest and shoulder again... JEEZUS! Well, hopefully Monday will tell something about this shit.) - I HAVE to repeat something directly from Yonah's Journal for this evening because I'm STUNNED:
TONIGHT'S AMAZING MOMENT... I WA S IN YONAH'S ROOM, PUTTING THINGS TOGETHER FOR HIM FOR THE NIGHT... BLINDS, &C. AND HE WAS ON THE LIMB IN THE LIVING-ROOM. I CALLED TO HIM "ARE YOU COMING IN?" AND NOTHING... * BUT * WHEN I CALLED "YOU KNOW IT'S TIME FOR 'SEEPIE-NIGH-NIGHT'." WOOSH-WHISTLE !!! IN HE CAME, RIGHT TO HIS ROOF-TOP, AND HE STOOD THERE, LOOKING AT ME, WITH HEAD TILTED AS I MOVED HIS HOUSE INTO "POSITION" FOR THE NIGHT! HE RECOGNISES "SEEPIE-NIGH-NIGHT" ... THE SOUND OF THE EXPRESSION! ONE MIGHT EVEN BE TEMPTED TO SAY... HE "UNDERSTANDS THE WORDS" !!! I WAS AWE-STRUCK... and then I brought him down, on his little platform and he hopped right over to his perch, scuttled back to his "loft", hopped over to his food dish and began eating... his "before tuck-in, night snack". NOW... OK! AGAIN! To think that "people" murder these BRILLIANT little LIVES... and call it "sport". Repulsive lot!
I won't put on his Journal what I REALLY want to say, but I DO have to delight, to a point, when "people" are shot these days. Puts THEM in the "hunted" position. It's only fair, when I think about it. I can't have any sympathy for them. Yonah has taught me SO much about the sentience and cognizance of mourning doves, in particular. And to think of the HELL and TERROR he had to suffer with his injuries! People are... as I believe, useless at this juncture. Anyway... I'm in AWE and he's safe tonight... as safe as I can possible make things for him. (One day... please, soon... may we both be safer... whether in this existence or... As I keep telling him: When you leave, don't rush... I'll be right behind you... looking for you.) - With the way I'm feeling tonight... - Anyway... McFuknut FINALLY removed that horrid sign about the "picnic". Things look "normal" out there again. And it's still HOT AND HUMID and I WANT a quick shower before rack. - Tomorrow, there are June/July photos/images for Yonah's web-site and I need to get the truck running. I don't HAVE to go any-where, but at least get it running. I'm a mess, thinking about Monday... the truck starting... here and there... getting from here to there and here again. And the inspection. And... NEXT WEEK ALREADY! OH... just those two days! It'll be nice.. a little job... that pays the rent... and, I've no doubt, that's ALL it's going to do! FUCK! ALL MY FUCKING MISERABLE LIFE-TIME... EVERY BLOODY-FUCKING TIME I GET THE CHANCE TO SAVE A LITTLE SOMETHING EXTRA... EVEN WITH THE SOC.SEC.... A LITTLE MONEY COMES IN AND THERE'S SOMEBODY STANDING RIGHT THERE TO GRAB IT! I'VE ALWAYS FUCKING HATED HAVING BEEN BORN... PROBABLY MORE THAN THE OLD MAN HATED IT. BUT THESE DAYS... YONAH MAKES THE TIME HEAVEN... WITH-OUT HIM... CHECK-OUT! - But right now... 20.37... time to post texts to Journals and get an ice cream, Brit, douche and rack! - And tomorrow? Oh... I've no doubt the bloody Mass-hole will be round. I've NO patience for that shit any more. These are the moments I'm glad it's 5 hours away, But the matter of the rent increase should be interesting... Fuktard. After all... it's a "New Englander"... and... well... the retardation is... oh yes it is. - Post time! (I'm actually feeling slightly "episodic". I haven't felt this in a while. Heat? I hope so. The shower will take care of that... I hope.) - 22.37 TOO late, BUT showered! HOPEFULLY to what-ever it is that I do instead of "sleep".

Sun.24.Jul: 7.58 Up just before the first alarm. Dozed to second. Up and about... - Now? after morning soc med... snooze again! - Cloudy out there and I want to clean the truck today. AND I have a LOT of "image work" to do on Yonah's site! And it's getting HOT again! - 11.40 I actually got to sweep and a quick hoover of the driver's side. Was going to put a strip of "Tape" on that back door, but didn't and when I took the truck out for a roll into town, round the Hand rd., I saw ANOTHER Silverado, in a drive... and if they were parked together... it would almost be difficult to decipher which was whose! THAT one RUSTS JUST THE WAY MINE DOES! - 19.20 This after-noon, Deborah sends an e-mail: "I can drive you tomorrow". I was ELATED... It's not so much the driving that troubles me, especially since I really DO need to run that "GTP" through the truck, but it's the time alone, worrying about Yonah, and then, worrying that the truck will break-down some-where and instead of being back by about 15.00, well... I KNOW I'll be listening to the truck AND thinking about Yonah ALL the while, and the company would have made the trip SO much quicker. So I replied as such, and included a "blurry" photo that I managed to get of Yonah's wing as a way of explaining my anxieties. Now, she DID say that Julio would be leaving "after lunch" (he'll be gone until the 15th July) so I couldn't figure how she'd manage to drive me for a 12.45 appointment... I was ON! Not an hour later... "I thought the appointment was at 4. I can't do the morning." Oh well... I can't say that I'm disappointed... I DO know better... - Anyway... now "yard" this evening. It looked like rain, but that never happened. And it was a bit on the "windy" side. And that calmed by about 19.00 or so... too late to put Yonah through all that nonsense with the old house and such. And now? Well... a bit of sun and just a breeze, but it's almost "tuck-in" time. I'm REALLY sorry about that! Hopefully, tomorrow evening, I'll be back by 15.00 and we'll be able to have a "normal" rest of the day. - MEANWHILE... A *** REALLY SHARP *** PAIN, LIKE A BIT OF A KNIFE IN THERE, JUST ABOVE THE LEFT GROIN. NO MATTER WHAT MY POSITION, NO MATTER WHAT I "ADJUST"... IT JUST HAPPENS. I MEAN... STOP IT! JUST STOP IT! - I managed to get Yonah's photo pages caught up with everything but the very most recent photos! Had to re-work June and July because of photos I'd "discovered" that I hadn't included. I have to get to his Journal now... and the other photos. Keep me busy... - And I did get to trim my beard... so that it'll have a chance to "grow" for the next "ID" photo... Monday-week. FUCK! These weeks! - The one thing I'm MOST grateful for: NO MASS-HOLE! NOW... WATCH IT SHOW-UP TOMORROW... WHEN I HAVE NO TIME... AND WON'T BE IN THE MOOD! Well? I'll have the perfect "OUT"... I have a medical appointment at hospital... serious enough to have to go to Plattsburgh... for my heart. Oh, and by the way... your post office? It's MINE. Good luck with that. (Perhaps reminder: I'm still looking else-where... and if I have to go West... I won't be commuting to NR.) - Moving along... - 20.20 Yonah is tucked-in. I'm a sweating mess! Have to get to Yonah's Journal too. And this one was almost "notes"... just "jots" during the day, to now. I don't really care. I'm just going to leave it all as it is. - I'm just not in a mood, really. - When I tucked Yonah in this evening, I told him:
You call me in the morning when you wake up and we'll have the morning together. And if you don't? Well then, never mind about the rest... We won't have to be bothered by any of it.
Funny, how that works, but.. there we have it. - For now... I'm going to get to his Journal... there's a breeze blowing nicely through the house. Forecast says it should rain during the night and into morning but stop by about 11.30... I just don't want to drive in the rain... with the "cement" on the muffler... not THAT distance. AND, I'll have to get gas, probably as soon as I get into Plattsburgh? Oh well... we shall see... There's only 99$ in the account.. and that's gas for tomorrow and probably to Albany! I've still got Deborah's Mobil card... if I must, I shall... at least I'll have more income on the 19th... and Soc.Sec. on the 3rd... I already owe her about 600... - I hope Yonah's card comes tomorrow. I'd just feel better knowing I have it... in case I need to get to the vet before the 4th. - Time... it's just... never mind. - 21.18 All Journals posted to the server! Later than I'd hoped. Thankfully, tomorrow's appointment isn't in the MORNING! - AND THAT PAIN IN THE GROIN KEEPS COMING... QUICK AND SHARP! IT'S NOT THE "DULL" PAIN OF A HERNIA... THIS IS "FOCUSED", "DIRECT", SUDDEN! FUCK ME! NOT BAD ENOUGH I'M THINKING OF CONTRACTIONS AS I DRIVE... AND THAT I DON'T WANT TO BE AWAY FROM THE HOUSE THAT LONG ANYWAY... AH... ME... THIS OLD BODY... IT'S NEVER CO-OPERATED... EVER! Like having the runs in the subway... - Ice cream... Brit... Shower... Rack! - At least ALL of Yonah's photos are on the SeaGates! SAFE! And his Journal and site are current as can be... on the server! - 22.22 No shower... too late... I'll be in in the morning anyway... Now... let's see IF I manage ANY rest at all tonight... no shower... sweaty... hot... humid... tomorrow... YONAH... -

Mon.25.Jul:4.55 WHY? WHY and I up? Because at 3.13 I was rudely awakened... thinking it was "next door" moving furniture and rumbling the floor-boards... it was THUNDER! RAIN! POURING! And a flash of lightning and I dozed back off to what-ever until... 4.44... CONTRACTION! LEFT LEG! And the alarm sounded and I was up and on the move... so here I am and so it is and there we are and Monday is here... and later, off we go! And no, I am NOT "well-rested" but...
6.00 I'm BAAAAAAAK. USPS again. New York. THE CONFIRMATION LETTER (vie bloody e-mail) HAS ARRIVED! AND YES, THEY EXPECT ME TO GO TO ALBANY ANYWAY. *** AND *** THEY SEND ME THE FORMS, TO PRINT AND COMPLETE AND BRING WITH! FUKTARDZ! I'LL GO TO THE PO TOMORROW AND HAVE CRYSTAL PRINT THEM. FUCK THIS SHIT!
***** AND MY LITTLE HEART-AND-SOUL IS UP AND AWAKE !!!!! ***** OUT DAY HAS COMMENCED!
8.56 IT TRULY IS WONDERFUL HOW PEOPLE "PROVE" THEMSELVES, GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY. JUST CHECKING (again... I've already checked this morning, of course) THE E-MAILS AND... SURE ENOUGH:
I won't stop in today
I think it’s best I come by while you are home for a few visits before I come alone. So let’s plan it .
For my heart monitor I had to go all the way around the back if you go left at the first hospital entrance. There is a second entrance that goes right to the hospital parking lot. Hope that helps.-Deborah
Sent from my iPhone
Reminds me SO much of what's-his-face there when the Bainbridge Garden was going full "TPL" and we were looking for board members and he came rolling in all ready to "volunteer" UNTIL... came the line "Oh, I'm very busy so I can't give any time, but if you need somebody to write a cheque, I'm here for you." Well? Unless something comes along and I'm asked for it, it just makes it all the easier on me for next week and gas for Albany. I still have the card so... As long as I don't have to "do"... OK then... But, then again, she's also one of those who finds me going back to work to be "Congratulatory". So, we leave it all at that... and, "Shelter Mode"... "You know I'm your friend and I'm here for you when you need. You need to get out of that shelter." NEXT!
Meanwhile, at least I don't have to be concerned about the house being un-tidy. (And I DID say, in my e-mail, last night, that Yonah would probably appreciate the sound of a voice, and a bit of a "presence" to know that he's not alone. Never mind... My bowels are emptying this morning, and that pain in the groin is still there. And I took another hour snooze... let's just get on with this. - 11.29 Showered dressed drizzle... Yonah is "woo-HOO'in" and I'm sick with anxieties!
19.02 WELL! THERE WE HAVE IT! EVEN THE RESULTS OF THE STRESS TEST! SHIT FROM THE USPS AND TEST RESULTS! I suppose this has been a day... - Now, that said, as I sit on the back gallery and my little Heart-and-Soul "woo-HOOs" for the other "Woo-Hoos"... and soaks in the evening sun... - ***** NO YONAH CARD TODAY... TOMORROW IS 7 BIZ DAYS. I JUST WANT IT BY MONDAY-WEEK! ***** - In other news... I managed to get me together, showered and all and stepped out the door AT 11.30... JUST as the bloody sky opened and the RAINS came pouring down! Thankfully, only for moments, but. Ms. Qvt was out and we chatted as the rains fell. Apparently Mass-hole didn't bother to stop by to see HER over the week-end. Imagine that! And she's complaining about the cost of groceries. Well? "Your President"... but true to the ilk, "It's not his fault." Never mind. ONE THIN G I HAVE TO SAY THOUGH: WHEN I TOLD HER THAT I HAD TO GO TO PLATTSBURGH FOR THE MEDICAL... FIRST WORDS WERE *** IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO TO HELP WITH THE BIRD? *** IMAGINE IMAGINE THAT... Compared to "I'm not stopping in". These are the days... we'll remember. (That one's going to be in that house alone until the 15th and though I was going to go down there for a limb and some trees for Yonah... Nope... I'll accept and use the gas card and... - I was in the truck and on the way out of the drive by 11.52... and the weather was fine. Stopped, because I HAD TO, at Stewart's, Liztoon, for 35$ non-eth. Brought it up just above half-tanked and I was on the road. The truck sounded fine BUT IT'S WONKY AND WOBBLY! WHAT-EVER THEY DID AT THE GARAGE, THEY FUCKED SOMETHING UP! AND BRAKING IS EVEN WORSE. Thankfully though, I managed to get RIGHT to the hospital and in by 12.50! - The test? Well, "odd". Shirtless (ick), They shaved for the electrodes. I was on "Tele"! so I got to see ALL the readings! All-female staff of 4. Imagine that. IT WAS SO FASCINATING TO SEE MY HEART! I MEAN... IN REAL TIME! IT LOOKED QUITE GOOD... I WAS QUITE SURPRISED. (AND THE REPORT SAYS IT'S "NORMAL" FOR MY AGE, GENDER, &c. BUT.. the treadmill was a HORROR! It FORCED my pace and such and as it got faster and more difficult, I WAS FINE... MY LEGS GAVE AND I ALMOST WENT DOWN! MY FUCKING LEGS!!! I'E BEEN COMPLAINING ABOUT THE WEAKNESS AND CONTRACTIONS BUT NOBODY WANTS TO KNOW ABOUT THAT AND TODAY? IT ALMOST COST ME QUITE A BIT BECAUSE I LITERALLY ALMOST WENT TO THE FLOOR! Never reached the "target" heart-rate because of it. OH... AND THEY WERE GOING TO DO ANOTHER COVID TEST! THEN TOLD ME THAT THEY STOPPED THE "5-DAY ADVANCE" TESTING... 3 MONTHS AGO! Anyway, I got away with-out. BUT HAD TO WEAR THE MASK AS I WAS ON THE TREADMILL! FUCKING IMBECILES! BUT WHAT REALLY MADE THE WHOLE ORDEAL JUST AGGRAVATING: I DIDN'T GET OUT OF THERE UNTIL 14.38 !!!!! I WANTED OUT BY 14.00! SO... NEEDLESS TO SAY.... I ROARED BACK TO THE SHIT-BOX AND GOT IN AT... 15.40...
***** ***** ***** ***** ***** AS I WALKED IN THE BACK DOOR, YONAH WAS IN HIS HOUSE AND SAW ME AND CAME HOPPING TO HIS DOOR PERCH... AND WHEN I GOT IN TO GIVE HIM CARESSES AND KISSES (AND HE JUST STOOD THERE, IN MY HANDS... HE WAS HAPPY TO SEE ME TOO), ON THE RADIO COMING UP CLOSE by TIL TUESDAY "Everything sounds like 'Welcome Home, Come Home' !!!!! "TIMING AND THE WARMTH OF THE SERENITY I SO WANTED TO BREAK DOWN AND SOB! I MISSED HIM... AND ALL I KEEP THINKING ABOUT NOW IS MONDAY-WEEK! 12 HOURS AWAY! *** ***** ***** ***** *****
Well now... 19.28, the sun is shining, the evening is cool. NO YARDIES! I can't figure that. But Yonah has been toddling and pacing and when he first came out, he laid down to SOAK-IN THE SUN... I'm in NO hurry this evening and we're making up for last evening when we didn't come out. - AND HIS WING IS LOOKING BETTER THIS EVENING! SUN-SHINE? WHAT-EVER... I'M GLAD TO BE ABLE TO SAY "BETTER" SO... SUN-SHINE IT IS! - 20.09 Yonah is tucked-in. I NEED a shower... and I smacked my head on the kitchen cup-board so shampoo and water are going to be a bit painful tonight. But I NEED a shower... after all that "gel". - And tomorrow, I'm going to have to go into town for groceries. Ate the last of the chicken... maybe make a meat-loaf... I have a little bit of bread and some eggs. Need and onion. But no more for tonight... Time to close this day! - I am SO dreading next Mon. and Tue.! But... we'll muddle. - 22.05 Showered again and DONE! Another day... another day... Now to HOPE for a night of RESTFUL SLEEP... or... I'll settle for a night of NOT getting up 20-200 times with aches, pains and bull-shitfukkeries. (Yeah... right.)

Tue.26.Jul: (Catch-up from notes: Wed.27.Jul: 16.09)
19.48 Notes... because i was so tired for most of the day. - Managed, this morning, to get the "forms" for "orientation" printed... Had to send them to Crystal via e-mail because she didn't want the thumb-drive. But that's OK. It took about a minute for the e-mail to get from me to the PO... I'm amazed, really, considering the servers are in Europe! But, then, it shows why even the USPS doesn't use USPS to get correspondence to people... As Crystal said, when I told her about having to go to E.Fairfield for the key "They know they can't be trusted"... - This after-noon, got caught in another chat with Mrs. Qvt. and she was so very complimentary. Says she's looking forward to me being the PM. Says she would have applied but she'd loose "HEAP and HUD". I have to look into that. I expect I'll drop in much of my "benefits"... but I hope it won't make me lose the insurance, HEAP, FS! Then again, I have no doubt there'll be a MAJOR issue... because, EVERY time in my life-time, when I think I might just make ends meet, things will go well... there's something or somebody there, ripping away my chances, the little extra AND THEN MORE! FUCK ME! And then... they ask "Did you quit a job in the past x months?" Yeah... and fuck you. But I'll really have to look into how much this is going to impact the rest. I mean... 29$ a day? REALLY!? Yeah... really. - Ran to market for beef because I've decided to make meat-loaf for this round of meals... and got a gallon of milk for Qvt... who paid in advance this time! 4$ more in the "cash in the house. Woopie. As if. But it's that much more for .... I don't know... nothing more or other than gas, I hope. - Yonah's card didn't arrive today. I'm wondering. But I believe the said "7-10 biz days" so we're still in that bracket. I'll just feel better having it... especially on the 4th! - I TRIED to snooze a few times during the day. Yonah had other plans and ideas so the were little "lie-downs". Next Mon. and Tue. will be fascinating... I wonder if I'll be able to stay awake long enough for ANY of it. - AND I STILL HAVE PHOTOS AND VIDS TO PUT ONTO YONAH'S SITE! My focus and concentration are fucked these days... and the days go by too fucking fast! - Oh... this morning, I was on the carsie and Deborah came by... "Good morning sir!" I called "Good morning madame." But, hey! I was on the carsie and that's my "must stay time". She called "I'm leaving something here at the door. It's locked." I said "OK"... And by the time I got up and there... she was there and gone. Not a word from her since... Oh well... I'm not really planning on her coming by at all on Mon. and Tue. But... her Julio will be gone until the 15th so... she'll be there alone. Let's see what happens when I start working at the PO.... in SO many more ways than what-ever. - I AM HORRIFICALLY TIRED AGAIN TONIGHT! - But Yonah got another hour out this evening and I'm glad for that. But NO YARDIES! NO WOO-HOOs! I wonder what's going on! And it was comfy cool too. - Planning on tomorrow... I have to get out and get eggs... to make the meat-loaf AND bread! Can't believe I forgot about them today... But then again... I can believe it. My brains... I just hope I remember how to get to Colonie and BACK! - I ought to mow the yard... I don't want to... it's hot, humid, I don't want to... Might... tomorrow or... we shall see how weather treats us. - Still thinking how strange it will be to work at the PO... same house, and the "old job" but this time, with a permanent office... all the time. I can still walk away from it all but... let's give it a try and see how hard, deep and bloody I get screwed THIS time. - Meanwhile... off to ice cream, Brit and rack. Let's see if I can't get to the rack on time... and manage to make it through the night... I NEED to get into a "cycle" closer to 4.00 for Tuesday-week! THAT's going to be HELL... worrying about the truck all the while... in the dark in the morning... all for what? A couple of hours? These "people" need to be hit, hard, about the head, with a solid object. - 21.32 OK... Not bad... Good hour. Bring on the TORTURE OF THE NIGHT!

Wed.27.Jul: 9.59 I'm STILL not caught-up with ANY of this Journalling! And I was up and out of the rack, following ONE CONTRACTION, AT 4.00 THIS MORNING! I thought I may as well give it a try... because on Tuesday, I have to be ON THE ROAD (AGAIN) AT 4.30. WELL, AT LEAST THIS TIME (HOPEFULLY) IN THE TRUCK AND NOT ON A MOUNTAIN BIKE... IN THE POURING RAIN, ROLLING ACROSS A TRAIL OF COW-SHIT. But it's done me NO GOOD, really. I've already HAD, and I mean *HAD* to take 2 naps! The fatigue is killing, and the pressure in the upper chest and throat... Well, it's not the heart... probably thyroid. But never mind all that. -
GOOD NEWS: YONAH'S "MEDICAL CARD" ARRIVED THIS MORNING AND IS "ACTIVATED" !!! ONE LESS ITEM OF ANXIETIES TODAY !!! I'M RELIEVED ! IT ISN'T A LOT OF BACKING, BUT IT'S MUCH BETTER THAN WHAT I HAVEN'T HAD! NOW... TO MAKE IT THERE FOR HIS DOCTOR APPOINTMENT... Nice to know that not ALL the anxieties are gone... No anxieties, what's in a day? -
And then too... I'm STILL trying to figure out next week... Thought of taking the hotel room for Monday night... but then... getting out of Albany at 17.00... arriving at the house at 19.00.... Yonah's "tuck-in" at 20.30 and on the road back to Albany? 23.00... Maybe a shower and to a bed. Up in the morning... after a "civil night's rest" (and contractions no doubt not to mention, the heart-aches of wondering about the morning and not being there for Yonah... which will be no matter how I swing this...). Or, what I could do, and am leaning toward, I could come back, and if I leave late, a stop at a rest area for a snooze... and then head on to Albany. It's not knowing when this shit-show will close on Tuesday... and Monday, for that matter. But one way or any other, I've no doubt I'd be heading back here Monday evening so... And today is Wednesday... I can't just keep playing with all of this this way. THESE ARE THE TIMES WHEN WE COME TO REALISE WHO IS AND WHO IS NOT A "TRUSTED OTHER"... NEVER MIND "FRIEND". TO BE HONEST, I CAN'T THINK OF ANYBODY I'D TRUST. YONAH WAKES AT ABOUT 6.00 AND NOBODY WILL BE HERE FOR HIM MONDAY OR TUESDAY MORNINGS. AND THERE'S THE MATTER OF OPENING BLINDS IN THE MORNING AND MOVING HIS HOUSE ABOUT... and Deborah... always so busy with what-ever and the e-mails "Let's plan it." to come and give Yonah the chance to become acclimated to her presence and voice and it's Wednesday and... nope... "so busy". These are the times... We'll make it through... we WILL... alone... together. - Now... I MUST get these Journals caught-up again... and I have images to work with for Yonah... I want to make a meat-loaf and bread today. I need to go to market for eggs this morning. The yard needs a mow. And... I could easily go right back to bed. - **** BUT YONAH'S MEDICAL CARD IS IN !!! *** - 14.18 Meat-loaf (or what-ever it actually becomes... I cut the onion too large, not enough bread, 3 eggs and it started a bit "wet") is in the oven. I made it to get eggs after another "unbelievable" nonsense chat with Ms. Qvt. (race, abortion... it's almost amazing). - Deborah actually stopped by this morning and came to see Yonah! Colour me "What next?" - But I''m SO TIRED (so all is normal). - 16.04 The "beef-loaf-thing" looks like it MIGHT just hold up. It's been in there for almost 3 hours and now it sits... in the hot oven for a while. - And as for me? "Accomplishments today? That covers it. But Yonah DID let me get about 30 minutes "snooze-time" a little while ago. - Other-wise... I just can't care. - Tomorrow, we'll go for bread and cleaning his old house. Today... the truck ran. That's my "high point" where that's concerned. - BUT YONAH'S BEEN SO LOVEY TODAY TOO! I SWEAR HE KNOWS HOW ANXIOUS I AM THESE DAYS... I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE HIM... HE'S BEEN ON THE LITTLE WORK TABLE SHELF AND THE SHELVING ON THE SIDE... WATCHING ME SO MUCH! AND HIS WING IS LOOKING A BIT BETTER... NOW THAT IS THE HIGHEST POINT OF THE DAY! ***** - 16.48 OMG! CAUGHT-UP AGAIN! (Next week is going to be HELL... Monday and Tuesday are going to be NOTES NOTES and nothing but NOTES... and the "Catch-up" on Wednesday... And then Thursday... work in the morning... Saratoga in the after-noon and evening... Friday more catch-up... Saturday, work until noon... Next week... HELL! HERE WE GO! Until I get a "new routine". Oh well... - 18.05 Just checking:
1820
FS Elderly: 2147
HEAP: 2729
NO idea or clue about the Medicaid/Care so RUSH for the remaining medicals! (Colon?) AND HOPE for continued no premium and coverage for the Atorvastatin. (Though, Dan pays 16$.mo. for his UCare & his assets alone... So we shall see...) I can't WORRY about all that now... and I can leave the PO if it comes down to it... OR... decrease the hours... which-ever they prefer. - 20.49 And so... Yonah's Journal is current (AT LAST)... save a few more photos on the site... but the Journal is current! - We had another hour out-side this evening, and I ordered more "medicals"... peroxide for my teeth, a heating pad that I might just use for Yonah come the cold weather, if I can figure out how to incorporate it in his house... and some self-adhering bandages... mostly in case I need them for Yonah (or any other Little One). - AND I'VE REGISTERED FOR THE NY STATE REHABBER'S LICENSE! 12 AUGUST! ON-LINE! THIS SHOULD BE INTERESTING. THE "PRACTISE EXAM" IS 105 PAGES LONG! I NEED TO STUDY FOR THIS ONE FOR CERTAIN! BUT... HERE WE GO... COLLECTING LICENSES! AUGUST IS GOING TO BE ONE HELL OF A MONTH THIS YEAR! - But Yonah is tucked-in... and I've done with all the "soc.med." Ice cream, Brit and quick shower tonight. - OH OH OH OH OH OH OH.... 34... THIRTY-FUCKING-FOUR DEGREES IN ALBANY ON MONDAY AND TUESDAY! AND "ORAGES" ON TUESDAY!!! YESTERDAY THE FORECAST SAID 28 AND SUNNY! WTAF? IT'S THE USPS SHIT AGAIN! WELL? HERE WE GO! AND I'VE YET TO RE-CHECK FOR THURSDAY! THAT HAD BETTER BE GOOD WEATHER... MY LITTLE HEART-AND-SOUL HAS A DOCTOR APPOINTMENT AND HE'S GOING TO MAKE IT! ONE WAY OR ANOTHER... EVEN IF I HAVE TO BEG DEBORAH TO USE A VEHICLE... IF SHE HAS ONE... JULIO LEFT FROM JFK AND I DON'T KNOW HOW HE GOT THERE... BUT... YONAH WILL MAKE THIS APPOINTMENT! ONE WAY OR ANOTHER! - And now, since Journals are caught up (again)... off to post to servers and... I don't want to be getting to the rack at 23.00! - 22.11 Showered... nice... now for...END OF DAY!

Thu.28.Jul: 14.30 and the RAINS have FINALLY arrived! And 2 loaves of bread are in the oven on the "cool-down". I managed to get that much done... along with cleaning Yonah's little house this morning and giving it a "Permethrin" spray. - Deborah came by this morning, to "drop in" and see Yonah. But today, when she got to the door to his room, he was on his roof-top and she hesitated to go in. I encouraged her to go in because, if she was going to be in the house with him, alone, I wanted to know his reaction to her presence. Well, as he's been known to do, he took off and headed for the ceiling (higher ground, as it were) and Deborah panicked. "I don't want him to do that and injure his wings." she said. So, the "I'll stop by when you're gone." turned into "You should come down to visit for an hour each day to get him used to you not being there." Did I KNOW THIS shit would come? Of course I did. It truly is "If I can write a cheque... but I can't give time and presence." So? So... that's how it's to be. I'll be out and on the road and now I see who the "friends" are... n't. Well... at least I have gas... a card... to get me there and back. And other than that? Well... there we have it. And if the truck should fail? Well... that'll put the kabash on the job. What-ever is meant to be... will be. - Mean-while, at some point, Yonah tipped his water dish this morning so... kitchen roll got replaced on 3 of 4 trays, and they got washed and re-sprayed with "Permethrin". - That I managed to get anything done today is... an "accomplishment" - Talked... too long, with Amy this morning. Told her about my registration for the "Rehabber" exam... she told me about scuba diving and such. That's what threw me behind with the day. -
I've "gleaned" the ""Practise Exam" for "Rehabber" and, with a few exceptions that I need to "learn", it looks to be OK. I ought to be able to get through it. MUCH of it was covered in the "First Aid/Rescue" exam! So HEY! Bring on the 12 August! (It won't be a paying job... but then...) -
GOT THE FIRST BULL-SHIT FUKKERIE ABOUT THE PO JOB: MAGGIE BARTLEY, OF ALL PEOPLE! (Not that I didn't expect the likes from her.) I told her that I've taken the position and her FIRST response was "At least now we know what door to knock on if we just happen to miss getting a package." She was NOT impressed when I said that that's already been discussed with Kevin and he's quite vehement about "NO!" So then she said "You can always quit." and followed up with "We need to get Mariette in there. She can do it." So... It's as I say: If this is meant to be, it will be, if not, then tough shit for these shit-sax. I'm in no mood.
15.50 The rains left as I napped and the sun shone when I woke... and now the clouds have returned... And it's almost time for "meals" and I'm tired. "Exhausted"... from nothing other than thinking about Monday and Tuesday. And I'm wondering: Is this all really worth it all? I'm wondering.... - Oh.... last night's "CONTRACTIONS REPORT": TWO... and then up and out of rack at 5.30. No wonder I'm tired. Not to mention, the "steel rail" in the upper chest. - 19.55 (OH FUNNY!) Yonah is tucked-in... though I can hear him bouncing about... The Yardies came and went this evening... we DID get an hour in the SUN... and it was AMAZING again, this evening, to see Yonah SPLAYED the moment he got into the sun-shine. I can hardly wait for better days when we can get out there in the yard! (And I have to get a little chair to sit on... and figure how long I have on this lap-top with the battery... or... a way to plug into the garage... What-ever... But we managed to get a good hour out today and I'm happy about that! And the Yardies did come... 5 doves.. .vying for the seeds that I'd thrown to the drive this after-noon when I cleaned Yonah's old house. - To think, Thursday-week, we'll almost just be getting back from the doctor! (AND THAT TRUCK HAD BETTER RUN FOR ALL OF THIS! LIFE? HEY! THIS AIN'T NO PLAYING WITH ME NOW...) - Anyway... so the day is ended... and I want to note:
There's a "tightness" in my chest, neck and THROAT tonight... Heat and humidity? Well... at least I can (almost) be sure the chest isn't tumour (almost), and the heart is in good shape. "Thyroid"... I'm almost willing to bet... But let's see how I start to feel when all of this fukkerie of Albany, Saratoga, &c. is done. Much could be anxieity... and I've SO MUCH OF THAT RIGHT NOW... Tomorrow, I'm going to run into town to see about getting a "timer" for the radio for Monday and Tuesday so that it'll go on at about 6.00. I can't do the bird-songs and nobody else will do that so... at least there'll be "voice" and music for Yonah... I just HOPE the days are shorter than I'm thinking they might be... then again... there's the "covid" thing so they might cram... (and me, with breathing difficulties... masked.... this is NOT going to go well... but if I get sick whilst there... maybe they'll let me by-pass Tuesday? A thought... - For now... Yonah's Journal is current... I STILL need to get to photos and such but tomorrow I WILL do that. - For tonight... meal was done early... Yonah was out from 18.30-18.40... and now the house is settles and it's time for ice cream, Brit and rack. (And to post this to the servers!) - 21.53 Well.. close... not enough... but close. Now to the PAIN... or... that's probably waiting... until Sunday and Monday....

Fri. 29.Jul: (LAWN MOWED)5.15 and by 4.37 I was up and about. I actually woke, of my own. Not sure how but... And there's a POT of coffee on the hob... and I've had my first. And I'm dressed. And I'm still wondering HOW I'm going to do this on Monday and Tuesday mornings... Yonah... his windows over-night and in the morning... And nobody here to answer him when he calls in the morning... and nobody here until "meal time". And I'm thinking:
REMEMBER THE FAVOURS (not given, backed-out of)
And my chest is tightening... so too, my throat. One day... one day... - But I'm up and there are things to be done... Yonah's site above all else. (If I should die before I wake... ) So let's get to it, for goodness' sake. - This is stupid... especially with all this "covid concern". If the concern was so great... they'd do this shit on-line. Really. Lies and hypocrisy... they're all the rage these days. It's sickening... in more ways than... - 6.22 Yonah up at 5.43 as I sat at kitchen t able catching-up with adjustments to his Journal. "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo". And I notice, the mourning doves out-side wake with the same coo'ing pattern. Hmmm... interesting. - Monday and Tuesday become heavier... as they become closer... and the "weight" in my chest and throat become almost intolerable. It's not the matter of driving, or even breaking-down... it's the time away... and thinking that even Deborah can't take an hour, to come, open the doors in the house, sit for a bit, maybe pull a chair to the door and chat. "Can't"... "an hour"... out of 12 hours, or what-ever. Won't take an hour "from Rosie"... and I went down to feed the Yardies there, was supposed to water the gardens. Ah... throw a plastic card and cash. This is how the world operates... Funny, to think, that's how the government is running (us into an all-in-all-out financial Depression... "Throw money on it".) Reminds me of Kathy... the Consultant at Chem: "You can't fix a problem simply by throwing money on it." You need people to do the work. Well, it's the "Liberal" answer to ALL... and ... never mentally developing beyond the age of 6 years. - Bottom line? Yonah... and we'll see how next week comes to a close. - I can't believe she'd say "I can drive you to Saratoga (on Thursday) and you can calm Yonah." As if I'm truly THAT stupid... - Well, indeed... we'll know how next week goes... on Saturday at noon... when "life" goes back to "normal"... until the following Monday. - KRISTE... THE PAIN IN THE CHEST AND THROAT THIS MORNING! - 7.02 YONAH'S SITE IS CURRENT AGAIN! But... come next week... Monday and Tuesday? HELP ME! PLEASE HELP ME! 12 hours out of the day... A-FUCKING-WAY FROM HIM! (And I'm getting sick to my gut again.) - This morning, the reminder: I'm only good for about 2 hours at a time... The driving... the sitting there listening to idiots drone... two days... I'm fucked. - 19.31 YONAH WAS OUT AT ABOUT 18.15 AND AS I WAS SITTING IN THE KITCHEN, I HEARD THE RUMBLING IN THE YARD. McFUKNUT IS OUT THERE MOWING! YONAH IS IN THE YARD AND IT'S 19.30 AND NOW THAT PIECE OF USELESS DREGS DECIDES TO MOW! SO... YONAH IS NOW BACK IN. WELL... LET'S SEE WHEN THEY PUT WASHING OUT NEXT... MOWING TIME! TICKS, FLEAS, FLIES, DUST, DIRT... IN THE BED-LINENS... HERE WE GO! - Meanwhile... I DID GET THE TIMER FOR YONAH'S RADIO AND IT'S SET FOR TONIGHT/TOMORROW TO TEST! If only I could figure how to get the bird-songs on it too... problem: the player would have to be left on all the while and I don't trust them not to over-heat. So? So... we keep thinking. - COFFEE AND TEA for MONDAY AND TUESDAY ARE DONE and ready to GO! I got that much done today. - AND... as noted... the lawn is mowed... at about 13.30. (I NEED a SHOWER tonight!) - This morning Crystal had me sign-off on the mileage reimbursement just for Monday and Tuesday. 280-and change. OK. That's about 62¢/mile. She says the "fingerprints" mileage will be separate. Hey! THAT'S going to Deborah anyway... and if I have any receipts for food for the two days... I get reimbursed for that... (I wonder how... I've NEVER gotten a "food" reimbursement.) - Other than that... OH... I DID managed to hoover this evening too! Imagine THAT! - So, I suppose this is a "good day"... Although, this morning, a bird "clipped" the top of the truck when I went into town for the timer (and a quick run through the market). I drove along yelling "NO! NO! NO! NO!" But I didn't see it on the road... in either direction, so I wonder what happened to it. I'm still sick about it though. - So there's the day. - AND I GOT YONAH'S SITE AND PHOTOS AND JOURNAL CURRENT THIS MORNING !!! AT LAST AGAIN! - Now... at 19.42, time to get Yonah settled and then to his Journal and then... post to the servers and then... ice cream, Brit, shower... RACK. - All this and only ONE "snooze" for about an hour this morning. May I be able to be up by 3.00 on Tuesday! - (I'm still SICK with worry about these days... and not happy at all about this bull-shit with Deborah and her excuses NOT to come look-in on Yonah, But this will be remembered... ) - 22.18 SHOWERED! I NEEDED THAT. Now... to the rack and the torture of the night...

Sat.30.Jul: 9.48 I was "up" for the 4.30 alarm this morning... and the rest of the alarms too... but I laid in the bed, in that "half doze" until 5.20 when Yonah called. No particular excuse other than THREE (as I recall) CONTRACTIONS last night! Though, I actually DID expect them, after mowing yesterday. "Good deeds and punishment". But it was REALLY difficult getting up and so, I just pushed through the morning routine of coffee and getting Yonah set-up for the day. The BEST part of that: IF, on Monday, he gets up at 5.-something, I can be here for him, go through the normal routine and get on the road in plenty of time to roll, casually, down the Northway. I'm HOPING! - Already got an e-mail from Deborah this morning... telling me not to change Yonah's MD appointment... she'll drive. But, at 104°F, I don't want to subject any of us to that heat. And if there's humidity with I'm certainly not putting Yonah through the anxieties of being in confinement, in a different vehicle, the rolling along... and THEN, being with the vet, in the office and the HOURS on the road and late hour. The worst part is that the vet's office is closed on the week-ends and now I have to figure out how to contact them... Monday... If there's internet at the GMF, I'm OK. If not... I could stop on the way back, if I get out of the GMF early enough or hope I get back to the house early enough to call. Other-wise... Tuesday? After? Or Wednesday... the day before. I don't like that idea but... Anyway... on the other hand, the "I can drive" isn't happening. Not going through that. (I've been trying to remember the guy who ran the Norwood News... and when interviewed for a position on the TPL for the Bainbridge Garden said he could "write a cheque" but not give time.... One "little funny"... I looked at the Norwood News web-site and on the "cover" for the "Housing" seciton... 3150 Rochambeau! Imagine that! Then, the articles? Nothing "good". Another neighbour-hood... "You can't go back".) So, that's that for that. We're on our own... Typical. - Mean-while... I'm COLD... and it's 22,8° in Yonah's room. I tried for a 40-minute snooze but my brain just kept rolling so it was useless. I'm TIRED... REALLY TIRED... AND MY THROAT IS "TIGHT"... HAVING "EPISODES" THIS MORNING TOO. AND THINKING ABOUT BEING IN ALBANY, MONDAY AND TUESDAY, AND... HAVING THE DEBILITATING SPELLS OF FATIGUE DURING ALL THE BULL-SHIT. I'M NOT GOOD, SITTING STILL, FOR ANY LENGTH OF TIME. THEN, THE "2-HOUR" LIMIT IN THE MORNINGS.... I'M EXHAUSTED BY ABOUT 6 OR 7.00... AND I'LL BE ON THE ROAD ON MONDAY... AND ON TUESDAY, I HAVE TO BE "AWAKE" AND "FUNCTIONING" AT 7.00... IN COLONIE. ALL THE "REFERENCES" TO THIS "THROAT AND FATIGUE" SHIT CLAIM "ANXIETY". THAT WOULD EXPLAIN WHY NOTHING SHOWS IN BLOOD OR OTHER WORK AND WHEN I GET TO THE ER THEY CAN'T FIND ANYTHING. AND I KEEP THINKING OF THE STRESS-ECHO... AND THE REPORT "NORMAL HEART FOR MY AGE". IF THIS CONTINUES.... IT'S ALREADY BORDERING ON "PSYCHOTIC"... IT'S THIS SHIT-BOX... AND THE POLITICAL ENVIRONMENT... AND SPEAKING OF THAT... THE LETTER ARRIVED TODAY: OFFICIALLY REGISTERED "CONSERVATIVE". - ALSO... the order I placed Thursday(?) for peroxide and the self-adhering bandages arrived this morning... USPS. I thought the peroxide came in 2 bottles each... IT'S FOUR! So I have EIGHT bottles! Storage is the issue. But I'm happy to have them. Especially since rinsing with it seems to have helped with other things... dental and other-wise... That "ball-peen hammer strike" has subsided since I started the peroxide. So? So here it is. And the bandage... in case Yonah needs... or another Little One. - Speaking of whom... I have STUDYING to get done today! And here I sit... yammering. I also have to get Yonah's journalling finished from yesterday... - And I'm about to "drop off" again. - Oh... got my "travel expense" forms from Crystal, this morning. Now... to stay awake at the wheel! -
18.32 Heading out to the yard. The door next, is open, the cat is in the yard... Let's see how this turned out... I'm ready to BEAT... felines! - 20.44 As it turned-out, I opened the fencing that was round the kitchen garden but rolled against the back gallery, and put Yonah's house where it usually is and brought the chair to the walk and as Yonah got his sun-shine, I "browsed" on my phone. "Gordon" was lounging on the step next door, oblivious to us for most of the while. But something must have scurried under the porch because Gordon got up and when he did, Yonah got "ruffled" and Ms. Qvt must have heard and came out to get Gordon back in. Honestly? I didn't mind Gordon being there other than the fact that there weren't ANY Little Ones at the feeder. THAT was a shame. And it was a perfect evening too. Well.. though... Yonah got a good 45 minutes' sun so... better than none at all. We were in at about 19.30. - Tonight, I'm trying something: I put the Dixie flannel into the canvas and folded all in half to block the light from the window. Draped over the top and back of Yonah's house, the blinds on both windows drawn half. I want to see if that will work for Monday night... so I don't have to move Yonah in the morning on Tuesday... at 4.00 to remove boards and open blinds. Not sure how or if it will work but I'm hoping. He didn't seem to mind the change and, so far, he's been quiet. Hopefully he'll have a quiet night's rest. - I HAD QUITE THE EPISODE TODAY... ON THE BACK GALLERY, ENGAGED IN LIGHT CHAT WITH Qvt! THOUGHT, FOR A MOMENT, I WAS GOING GO JUST DROP! I HOPE I DON'T HAVE THAT SHIT IN THE TRUCK ON THE NORTHWAY... NOR IN THE "CLASS"!!! FUCK! BUT... THAT'S WHY I'LL BE LEAVING TO GET THERE ON TIME... SLOWLY, AND ON THE WAY BACK, NO STOPPING FOR SHOPPING OR THE LIKES... ON THE NORTHWAY AND *** NORTH *** !!! Tomorrow morning, I'll go put in as much gas as possible between the account and the cash so that Monday morning will be a matter of getting on the run. AND HOPEFULLY, MY LITTLE HEART-AND-SOUL WILL HAVE ANOTHER EARLY MORNING... but then, tomorrow night, by now, 20.55, I intend to be ON THE RACK... (and punished, brutally, through the night... ah... like being rudely awakened at 2.00 for the last time I had to go through this bull-shit at dear Fran's). Never easy... never never never... - Oh... the license test: 100 questions. And the "Practise Test" is the ONLY stuff they give to learn. Thus far... I ought to do VERY well on the test. There's an "interview" before getting the actual license... THAT had BETTER NOT be ... in Albany! Or... at least I'll have qualified by the test. - Now... Yonah's Journal is current... I'm posting... the next few days will be... probably "won't" until Friday or so... Alas... - 22.08 Time to give it a try...

Sun.31.Jul: 5.25 Tomorrow morning, I won't be doing this at this hour... I'm a bit of a mess this morning already so tomorrow... worse. And I really can't help but believe that I'm putting my-self through a LOT of bull-shit... so much anxiety about the truck... not starting, breaking-down, doing something. It's really ALL about the truck. And the worst bit of all is that, there's as much possibility of something happening with this truck as there is using ANY OTHER vehicle. Rental? I've had them break-down. Borrow? Never know WHAT other people do with/to their vehicle. Buy? Used? New? FUCK! THAT'S almost THE worst because... the Ahmed VW? The accelerator. The Po'k Sentra? Tick, tick, tick. And... Nothing's wrong.... - 15.08 TIRED! TIRED! TIRED! FUCK! TIRED! AND ONLY JUST NOW GETTING TO "STOP THINGS" AND STILL HAVE MORE THINGS TO DO! - 20.03 I AM A FRIGGIN' MESS RIGHT ABOUT NOW...THE WORST OF IT ALL IS, IN ADDITION TO THE HEAT AND HUMIDITY AND THE TENSION, STRESS AND ANXIETIES... MY NECK/THROAT HAS BEEN SORE/TIGHT ALL DAY, MY HEAD HAS BEEN SEMI-DETACHED FROM THE REST OF MY BEING. AND NOW I'M WONDERING IF IT ISN'T A CLOT OR SOMETHING OF THE SORT IN THE CAROTID. IT'S * SOMETHING * THAT ISN'T "RIGHT" AND IT'S ANNOYING BECAUSE IT MAKES ME FEEL AS THOUGH I'M ABOUT TO PASS OUT! EVEN STANDING ON THE BACK GALLERY, AGAIN, THIS EVENING, JUST AS YESTERDAY AFTER-NOON, CHATTING WITH Ms. Qvt... THE WORLD SUDDENLY STARTED TO "DRIFT AWAY". SO ADDED TO MY FATIGUE, WORRY ABOUT THE TRUCK MAKING THESE TRIPS, TYRES, ENGINE, EXHAUST... I'M CONCERNED ABOUT "LOSING IT" ON THE ROAD! OH... WILL WEDNESDAY NEVER GET HERE !!!! AND NOW, I'M GETTING A BIT ANGRY ABOUT IT ALL TOO. - But the house is hoovered, and set in order. Yonah's house it set for the night. On the back, the Dixie flannel, the "checkered" flannel sheet and the canvass tarp, all neatly folded is draped over to block the head-lights. It's working much better tonight than last night so it should be perfect for the purpose. And tomorrow morning, easy to remove. - I'm now concerned about the 30-plus heat to come. But thankfully, Mon. and Tue. won't be as HORRIFIC as Thursday. (I have to figure a way to call the vet and change the appointment tomorrow too... no "mobile" service... and I wonder if there'll be wifi any-where... well... if we get a "lunch break" of any sort, I can always look for some place close by. And if we get out early enough, I'll probably stop at Glens Falls (on Deborah's recommendation) for gas and perhaps some-where on the NorthWay there'll be WiFi. The vet is open until 19.00... which is probably when I'll be rolling in... - Though, I'm thinking, 8-16.00 is 8 hours... It would be nice if they'd toss us before then. "Nice"... USPS... Right. Tuesday SHOULD be done NOT later than 15.00 so I MIGHT be back by 17.00... MEAL TIME! I'm just trying to "calm" me now. - As for the day.. well... to note... This morning I went to Stewart's and put 60$ into the tank. (The fucking VT card isn't working! Something about the "PIN"! Some-how, it got changed! I'm pissed... Will have to call ... Wednesday... to check that. The old number worked on the new card but... I don't know anymore. Anyway... 60$ gave me 3/4 tank...! SHIT! Deborah came bu with zucchini bread and another 50$ "for the road". So I added that cash to the 35 I had... and went back to Stewarts to STUFF another 23$ into the tank... FULL! - Came back and am parked IN the drive at the top for the night. And for the rest of the day? Well... not much. It was HOT and Humid! And I was pre-occupied. - Sammich for tomorrow is made. The meat-loaf isn't really "solid" so it's going to be messy but it's there. And there's zucchini bread. Coffees are made... tea in the tote. All ready to hit the road in the morning. At least I got that done. And tonight... quick shower before bed... - 3 alarms set for morning... 4, 4.15, 4.30... I HAVE to remember that I don't HAVE to leave her until 5.30... or 6.00! I'm SO hoping Yonah will be up before 5.30 so we have SOME time together before I leave! But my head is stuck on the 4.00 hour... and that's how it WILL be on Tuesday and thinking about THAT makes me physically ILL! But... - And to think... I don't HAVE to do this.. I CAN work things out other-wise. BUT... I've come this far... may as well... Besides, I owe Deborah at least 600! at this point. - For now, 20.19... Yonah was eating at 20.10... so it's about "tuck-in" time... and I'll have a quick Brit and ice cream, a shower and off to rack! I've taken a naprox tonight... hoping that helps... with my spinning head and the contractions. I've a gut feeling, this is going to be one RESTLESS NIGHT... AND A DRIVE THROUGH HELL TOMORROW... NOT TO MENTION... I HAVE ENOUGH TROUBLE STAYING AWAKE ON AN AVERAGE DAY... SITTING THERE LISTENING TO SOME BROAD DRONE ON IS GOING TO BE TORTURE! BUT... - 20.23 Tuck-in! Yonah is in for the night... time for me to roll... I want to be IN the rack AT 21.30! -