Sat.01.Sep: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
ANOTHER FUCKING MONTH - AND I'M STILL IN THIS SHIT-HOLE!!!
***** G's, the Author account, Woodhauler, 8539266 on Twitter are CLOSED! *****
0.27 she gave me 50$ in gas... I'll give him 50$ in food. He doesn't deserve to go hungry. She took him in. She holds this house for Hallie... he won't go hungry!!!!
I NEED to write Dennis, tell him what I didn't get the chance to say.
0.47 and it's lights-out for me. - 8.11 and another day commences, another week ends, and another fucking month begins. And isn't it just delightful, looking at the little notes jotted first thing on the first morning of the new month? Never mind, the last notes from the last moments of the previous month. But well, yeah, the cat's food is down, and he doesn't get all the table scraps and bits of breakfast and lunch and dinner and the likes. So he doesn't get the food opportunities that Hallie gets. And I can see that she hasn't got the sense to treat both with the same respect and concern... although, she probably does with Minou... the same as she has for me. Anyway, I'm rambling off and away here. Bottom line: I'll get myself together this morning and head over to some-where, WalMart, Hannaford, some-place, and pick up a couple of bags of good, dry food, with all that “UTI protection”, and a couple boxes of the wet food for him... so long as it comes to, at least, the 50$ plus assorted fees that she paid the gas card. It's Shabbat but it's also Minou. (I'm just relieved that he came back last night... Gee... I wonder what she's going to throw at me this morning... since he was in last night. I mean... “Don't blame me.”? Seriously... WHAT the ACTUAL fuck is WRONG with that stupid qunt? “Don't blame me.” BLAME YOU? FOR WHAT? Because the bloody CAT went wandering off? Or because you're too damned selfish to give a shit about him? And for THAT, nobody BLAMES you... it's just the inferiority of your being. So, toddle off and along... bring your “guilt” shit with and have a nice day... Moron. - First coffee done... time for dressing and a smoke. - 8.59 and as I rather suspected... they're out there taking down the old blue spruce from beside the “town offices and lieberry”. Oh well. So much for the day. And Mme.'s in the loo. “I have to go to a funeral in Burlington and have to get dressed.” she explained... because she knocked on the door whilst I was having the morning “dump”. I don't care. - 12.06 Well... the morning's been pissed-away on social media... NOT, how-ever, Twitter, which I am abandoning after all these years because of the “suspensions” and “lock”. Oh well... “got along with-out you before I met you...” &c. - Mme. left this morning with the announcement that she's attending a funeral in Burlington and will be back “this afternoon”. What-ever. - I'm rather apprehensive about going out shopping for Minou food... it being Saturday. (And, oddly enough, even as I type this, I'm having one of those “episodes” where I get all light-headed and woozy. Psychological? Most likely.) And I've just realised that, spending the intended 50$ will leave me with only 150$ until the end of the month. Another “hardship”... caused by the hypocritical “consideration” of a “birthday gift” and the irresponsibility of a moron. Although, she DID ask about the kind of dry food I usually get for Minou... with the implication of intention to buy it herself. Yeah... what-ever. I've been around long enough to know how those ploys work. - Ah... the general anxieties of a day. Best to put them aside and go on about existence as it is. No matter what's done or not, the results will be the same... If something is to go terribly wrong, it will do so... regardless of actions taken or not. - I'm tired. Just tired. - 15.24 And I'm back from WalMart where I got:
1 bag 7lb Purina One Urinary Tract dry...............$13,74
1 bag 3,2lb Purina TrueInstincts Whitefish dry...$08,96
1 box 30ct FancyFeast Gravy Variety...................$15,92
1 box 12ct FancyFeast Shredded Fare Variety....$08,97
1 box Milkbone MaroSnacks.................................$03,23
SUBTOTAL:.............................................................$50,82
TAX AT 7%...............................................................$03,56
TOTAL......................................................................$54,38
The gas-card is 50$ and I imagine there was some kind of “tax” or “activation” fee, but I don't know (I might go ask at the store). But, as of right now, I've paid it back IN FULL! That's that. Will it be noticed or noted? Hardly. But it's recorded here, and I've taken a photo of the receipt. DONE DEAL! I'm at ease again. - And now I'm actually tired. BUT OH! Let me NOT forget... a 6-piece “extra crispy” little bucket of... KENTUKY FRIED CHICKEN!! which I ate whilst sitting in the truck. DEE-LISH! AT LAST! 11$! (But filling!) - Now I need more vodka and tonic... It's on the list for tomorrow... along with a spin to NY for a little flag or something of the sort. - 15.59 That was SOME “funeral”... She's JUST rolling back in. Imagine THAT! (And I was just clearing the bed for a nap! But, I'll be taking that anyway.) - 21.33 Had a slice of pizza this evening, just to say I sat with Mme. and so, I've eaten quite well today. - Quite relieved that I've paid the gas card back (and there was no offer to pay me for feeding “her” cat, not that I figured there would be... mooch). - She says she's taking Hallie swimming tomorrow. Yeah? Well, I'm planning on going to Plattsburgh tomorrow. I'm not even going to mention lawn-mowing. IF the cars are moved, I probably will do. But I'm not mentioning it. We'll see. By next week, she'll have to buy more gas because the mowing will be SLOW! But... not my lawn, not my concern. - And now, she's watching her news and I'm getting ready for bed. I could use a shower but, honestly, I'm just too tired. - Noting: SHARP CHEST PAINS again today. And stiffness in the neck. Probably something I should have looked at but... never mind. Hey, Bern had a heart attack whilst driving. I could do that... in MY TRUCK! YAY! - And so, the first day of September is done. At last! - 23.10 G's, the Author account, Woodhauler, 8539266 accounts on Twitter are now “locked”!!! So... it's OFF the Twitter and away. I can't believe they closed Gs and 8539266!!! Oh well... their loss. Thankfully the Minds accounts are safe so... I'm just going to let the Twit-shit die. What a fuck-up! Main soc.med., Fuxbook and now Twats. Time to move along... at least the sites are up and Minds is still running. - Time for a v-ton and a close to this day completely.

Sun.02.Sep: 9.16 and just unashemedly rolling round to the table... having gotten to bed at 1.30 this morning. I'd the alarms et for 8 and 8.30 but you know? There's really no “need” for that. Plattsburgh is an hour away, and there are 4 cars parked in the drive (and my truck in the yard). Lawn mowing? Not likely. So... no reason for concern. Stay the course and get the rest. And when the sleep finally dissipates, take on the day as it is. - So I've had coffee, pee'ed (bottle), but a quick loo before smoke might be the order of things this morning. So... off we go and on with the day and let's see how it all “was” when it's done. - 31.12 Well... I'm not certain that I'll be making my journey to NY today... It's rather late... takes about 90 minutes each way and... I question whether the financial investment of gas and the wear on the truck is worth it... today. Mme. has been busy... doing something in the kitchen. I've not been bothered. So? So. No sense toddling about. (It's grown grey out there... humid too... doesn't look like she'll be taking Ms. Hallie swimming. Sad... for me.) She DID come to me at about 10.55 to inquire as to whether or not I was going to mow. I asked the hour, (thrice), she said, and I said “No. All are aware that I start at 10. Nobody bothered. So if it's not important to others... “ I compared the place to a community home for the retarded and we rather turned to joking... the lawn? Not getting mowed... perhaps not until October. BUT... the REAL fucker of jokes: She claims that her concern and care go into maintaining the house... the HOUSE... allegedly for Hallie. MAINTAINING THE HOUSE?!? SHE DOESN'T FUCKING CLEAN, TAKE OUT THE GARBAGE OR THE RECYCLING, HOOVER, MOP A FLOOR, DUST A BIT OF FURNITURE... STACK FIRE-WOOD OR BRING IT IN... MAINTAINING THE HOUSE? SHE ACTUALLY *IS* RETARDED! AND A CHRONIC LIAR TO BOOT. - 14.40 I laid down for a snooze at about 14.00 and just a few moments ago, I heard the truck start and away she went... not a word, not a note. Took Hallie with. It's beginning to drizzle so I have to wonder. But the idea of leaving with-out a word? Puts all things into perspective when it comes to making any sort of notification. I see, from this, I'm free to come and go as well. No prob. It is as it is. - Now... I'm thinking that I had a bunch of things I wanted to get done in “free time” but can't think of any. The trip to Plattsburgh is positively off today. But tomorrow? If I decide to go I can and will. But it still doesn't seem worth the investments. We shall see. But tomorrow I'll take a drive over to the scrap yard, to inquire about getting rid of the Subaru and to see if they have any “decorations” for the truck. From there? All's left to be seen. - I think I'll make a “play-list” for the iPod and driving for now. Why not? - I'm hungry too. But I can't think of what I'd like to eat. I don't want to go to the store here (and pay through the nose) and I don't want to travel. - Oh! No v-ton tonight. No “v” to go with the ton. No prob there either. I COULD get... but again, I don't want to travel... and I don't want to spend either. I CAN... but I'd rather not. Being “frugal”. There are other things that are more important (until, of course, I have to get up in the middle of the night with SPASMS). - 21.25 JUST posted the last of August and the beginning of September to the WP and Journal! Up-dating some info on G's, including the notice that the Twitter account is “locked” and will now be abandoned.

Mon.3.Sep: 0.17 No tele. No v-tons. 2 muscle relaxers and a lot of Minds. Now to try for sleep. (I need a shower.) - 7.48 and I heard the 7.00 alarm and dozed until now. It's miserably humid. Just in from morning smoke. Mme. at table. Not to chatty. Thank you. I'm congested... from the humidity. And my neck is SORE. Probably a clot or some obstruction. - Labour Day. Nothing much to put on the “agenda”. Travel to Plattsburgh is out. I don't want to be part of the holiday traffic. Funny, that. This used to be the week-end I'd be in Montréal. THOSE were THE days. But I'm here... in Shitholia... and it's hot, humid and Hellish... all round. - I'm on the third page of the letter to Denis. No rush finishing today. No post. OK. - So? Fill the day... while away the hours until “Our Lady” heads off down the road. Amen. - At some point, I have to re-set the router. The internet is SLOW. Of course, I've no doubt it's being “throttled”. But what-ever. I'll attend to it later. - Right now... there's a loo-run to come and then...? - 8.05 Yeah.. 23 heat. 33 humidex. 30/42 at the worst. No wonder we're being invaded by Muslims. There isn't enough cold to kill them off... like fleas and ticks. - 10.33 and I feel as if I've been awake for an entire day! And all that I've done all morning is soc.med. Minds. - Somebody from Newburgh (Hindi or something of the sort) responded to the G's account on Minds. She lived in Washingtonville (though, I doubt it was during “The Era”). But isn't that interesting... in some sort of fashion? - OK. So for the rest of this day. It's not brutally “hot” but it's incredibly and uncomfortably humid. Hazy too. - No reply from my e-mails to Barbara. And I'm betting there'll be no word from Denis either. Oh well... nothing's changed. I'm on page 3 of a letter to Denis... and am going back to that. Posting tomorrow! - 13.46 FIVE PAGES... done. Letter to Denis. And not ALL of what I'd wanted to say but... Hand-written. - And it's just getting more humid as the day goes on. The porch thermometer reads about 85F but the humidity is bad enough that even Jacquie's sweating! - Oh well... may the day roll on... a little quicker, now that I'm done with the letter. - 21.46 And the clothes are in the WASH! And I'm DOUBLE-SHOWERED!!! SCRUBBED TO THE CORE! AND... IT'S FUCKING 80F IN THIS ROOM AND THE HUMIDITY UST BE 95%!!! AND I'M SHIRTLESS, INDEED! AND THERE'S A NEW BOTTLE OF VODKA! ANOTHER BOTTLE OF CHILLED TONIC! And a half little bag of crisps. But I'm not really all that hungry anyway. - Well, she left at about 15.15 and I was going to take a nap but... it rained and I put the plants out and Hoovered. Had the rest of the pizza (3 slices) and finished the ice cream (MY ice cream). And THEN... at about 17.45 or so... I HIT THE ROAD FOR VODKA!!!! Down to Enosburgh to find the bloody store CLOSED! So I turned round and headed into RICHFORD! They re-paved the 105 and it's a DREAM to drive along. So too, was the wind coming into the truck! It's been oppressively MISERABLE all day today! The fellows at Wetherby's were the Richfordians I've come to know and love. Cheerful and friendly and just wonderful. Got my bottle, with smiles all round, got back into the truck and came back via the North Branch and Richford Rd. WOW! Richford. I truly miss that little town. Coming in, the mountains are welcoming. It's a wonderful little place, really. - Back at the “home”, I bolted to the store for a bottle of lime-tonic, and a chat with Deb. Then, into the “home”, tonic in freezer and a stroll with the little ones. Early? Yes. We were done just before 8pm. Everybody had their snacks and I watched a little TV until about 20.45 when I hit the shower. Teeth, hair, scrub, scrub. Oh... she left blotches of her shave cream on the tub wall... THE WALL! BLOODY RETARDED SLOB! But, I got my shower and all's done! - 5 pages and a leaf to go to Denis tomorrow. I MIGHT go to Plattsburgh. Or... I might go to the banque. I'll need smokes soon enough. I'll see how I feel and how all goes in the morning. - Right now, it's time for tele and v-ton as the wash finishes. Then... hopefully, a nice night of sleep, in spite of the heat and humidity. - PS: Mark came to pain the door frame today and SOMEBODY fucked the door even worse. It barely closes... and it was JUST repaired. These retards. And the Twats? Mrs. came to say that “We'll be out by the 1st of October but... “ there's some kind of another problem with the house. Mme. wants ME to post the fucking flat on Crgslst! Of course... ME! And I'm supposed to PAINT up there. Of course... ME! Fucking qunt. Anyway... of course she told Ms. Twats that all's fine and dandy. - AND... she tells ME that she told THEM to move their cars on Sunday. She's going to Québec on Sunday... again... How charming... I inquired about “Bleu Lavande”... Invite? Nope. Fuck her. Spiteful, selfish, retarded qunt. OH! TO BE OUT OF AND AWAY FROM HERE!!! PLEASE!!!! (DEATH IS LOOKING BETTER ALL THE TIME.) - 22.12 ANOTHER BLOODY NIGHT OF FUCKED INTERNET! I cleared the fucking router today! But I'm trying to get Se03 Ep01 of “Call The Midwife” and the god-damned shit's failing! AGAIN! Fucking shit-hole, this place! - Incompetent in-breeds!

Tue.04.Sep: 8.37 Little ones, served. Recyclables, out. Coffee and smoke, had. Done. I woke at the 8.00 alarm and tried to doze. “Tried”. I'd been rudely awakened at about 5.56 (I looked at the clock) with horrific intestinal cramps... probably that “pizza” and all those veggies, and then all that ice cream (that I finished), went to the loo and back to bed... in the hopes that I could “sleep-in”. I really should know better. Anyway... the alarm sounds, I doze, and Ms. Hallie comes to let me know: It's time to open the doors and let them run free. And so I did. - Not sure what time it was when I got to “lights out”. But I left the lap-top on to down-load an episode of “Call The Midwife” over-night and the time-stamp on the last file is... 2.22. So it must have been some time round 2.00 this morning. Not enough sleep, that, then, there. But, actually, in spite of 2 v-tons... it's not a “bad” morning, over-all. Of course, it's still early, there's time ahead (and nothing on my agenda other than posting the letter to Denis). - Sun is shining in a clear sky. The grass is THICK with dew. And so... forward it is. And I don't give a shit... “over all”. - I'm still rather ticked: Says the old qunt, “I won't be here on Saturday. And on Sunday I'm going to Memphremagog.” Oh yeah? This morning, as I was having last smoke before bed, I thought:
This house stands because of me... the “Care-taker”. She's behaving like a pompous, spoilt little dolt, having an “on premises care-taker” who occupies a small room with semi-private entrance. He attends the pets, the yard-work, the house-work. After all, I don't recall... CAN'T recall when I saw her use the Hoover last, never mind, the mop and bucket. She has the freedom to book flights about the country, take off in the truck for Southern CT and mid-NY with her old cronies, toddle round the town, stop to visit with her Pammie-lammie where she imbibes her “a glass of” wine and comes sloshing back into the house to “nap”. She DID wash the porch windows a few days ago. I didn't lift a finger. Wasn't asked. Didn't bother. The there's the matter of trash and recyclables that go out on Tuesday and Wednesday, respectively... whilst she's off in Burlington... “working to keep a roof over-head”. The luxury of so-doing, knowing that the house will be maintained, the little ones, attended. Yeah... what-ever.
Fact is: this is only as miserable as I allow it to be or become. It's MY perspective and the limits are mine to set. I just have to keep that in mind... After all, as I pointed-out to her just yesterday where her previous “tenants” are concerned: The Grisolms literally trashed number 172, and then got “extension” after extension on their eviction and left the house close to destroyed. Stanhope busted arse to put the place together but then ran her through Hell before leaving. AND, I'm to understand that 1000s had to be spent to put the house together before the Grisolms took it. So, at 172, she's “3 for 3”. The Twats up-stairs have pounded on her ceilings for almost 2 years, at all hours, blocked her drive with 2 and 3 vehicles, prohibited her from having routine yard-work (mowing) done, taken full advantage of the privileges of utilities and heat, lied about the dog that's torn her house apart out-side and cost her to have other work done (the sticks and shit removed)... and now they too, are going for the “extensions” before leaving... which puts the empty flat into October and November... Winter... empty. And me? Can't open the one window, for ventilation, because of rotting trash, no air conditioner, one room that stinks of dampness and old rug... and darkness... BUT... the house gets maintained, the animals, attended, AND I clean up the shit that her “hired help”... those who get PAID to leave shit about... leave behind. I don't eat her food unless invited, and then after... I have the left-overs. Yeah... as I say: this is only as miserable as I allow it to be or become. - So much for “morning reflections”. Time to move along... with something. - 13.36 AND... the letter to Denis is at the p.o. for the 14.00 truck. It's on it's way... - 21.25 and I'm out of the SHOWER! ready to hit the bed! - It was a wasted day, all told. Very nice, not hot, not humid, clear... and wasted in the room, working with soc.med. and general bulls-shit. No, I didn't call the scrap yard. I'll do that tomorrow. And tomorrow, I really must get to Bedford... for smokes... and laundry detergent. - But I DO have yet ANOTHER phone number... in the 518. This one's 50729... it brought Woodhauler back on the twats... for a while. Hopefully it doesn't fuck the 988 number I've had for 7 years. But... be that as it may... if I lose the 802, I don't really much mind. It's one more link of the chains that bind... broken. Still... I no sooner got back into the account when they re-set the fucking suspension! BACK to 7 days! Fags... the lot of them. But I'll keep it up and running just long enough to get my 1300 “followers” notified that I'll be shutting the account down and they'll have to move along to Minds. Enough of this bull-shit. - Food today was a tomato sandwich salad at lunch, and at about 18.30, the left-over rice which I layered with butter and grated cheese. It really was quite delish. A few choco-raisins at “snax” time. So I've “eaten” ... something. - There was a little snooze this afternoon too. I've come to realise that, all the while she's about, the stress level is quite high and when she leaves... the stress drops and all I want to do is sleep... from exhaustion. The situation is sick. - No call from Denis. I don't expect any, to be honest. But the letter went out, with a little leaf. As for the rest? Tough shit on what-ever happens. I can't care. I've said what I had to say. If there's any more, I'll write and send and get it off my mind. “Letters I've written” always meaning to send... they're sent. - Now? Time for a v-ton and tele and hopefully a night's sleep. Tomorrow, I MUST get to the affairs that MUST be attended: getting the Subaru off the lawn and getting my smokes. That's that! (Lest I become as irresponsible as the rest of those around me.)

Wed.05.Sep: 1.23 Fucking late a-fucking-gain. But 2 episodes of “Call The Midwife” watched and down-loaded AND I've created a gmx.us e-mail address AND a MINDS account for Denis (most so I can send video, audio and the likes to him ... IF he responds at all). 2 “civil” v-tons. I'm going to regret all of this. - 9.14 and at 8.00, Minou came in to demand I wake up and get rolling with the day. I'm feeling a bit like shit, but then, that's just about every morning anyway. Time in bed and v-tons have nothing to do with any of it. But the garbage is at the curb... the litter box is emptied and, well... the morning is rolling. I have to contact the junk yard today for the Subaru and, likely, need to make a run to Bedford at some point. What I'd like to do is... just go back to bed, to sleep, and stay that way until... Amen. - 13.26 Another bitch of a day. Spent the morning on-line and calling the junkers. Hodgdon offered 80/ton as is, 100/ton if I take the tyres off and punch a hole in the gas tank. AND... if they come to get it? I get NOTHING! So... And I spoke with some “India-n” at “Peddle”... Took all the info and THEN told me they couldn't even give an offer... They're the ones who originally offered 400! Shits! SO... I re-listed on Crgslst... modifying the 300 offer to 200 and then posted a NEW post at 200. Let's see how THAT goes. First one here with the 200... and it's gone! - Meanwhile... it IS getting hotter out there. Expected up to about 41 with humidex. - AND... I've just taken TWO naproxen because... the eye is going migraine again! “Water” round the edges. - Did get an episode of “Midwife” and “Miranda” copied. There's that. - As for the errands to Bedford? Tomorrow. I feel better going on a day when I know Mme. will be around... at some point. And tomorrow, she'll be going to Cstco so... - There's the day thus far then. Almost done... shot to shit. And I don't bloody-well give a bollocks. - 20.04 Well... the floors got done. I even used my new “freshener” on the living-room rug and so, the house actually smells rather “clean”... for a change. I gave in and went to the store for ice cream... which is already all gone. And we're all in from evening stroll. - No replies/responses to the Crgslst ad. I foresee getting nothing for the Subaru. It would be “typical” me. I figure I'll give it a week. If nothing by next week... it gets towed. Goodbye. I'm still ticked about Hodgdon, though, I suppose I expected the bull-shit. - It's gotten hotter since the sun set. Very strange. There's a breeze and even THAT'S actually bordering on “hot”. Strange shit any more. But the warm breeze some-how brought memories of child-hood... or, at least, youth. The park... the Top... and all that goes with. And refreshed the thought of today: Almost everybody's dead. I wonder how it is that Dennis and I are left behind. - No sense dwelling on it. There's no answer. - And the Twats' brats are literally STOMPING on the ceiling! Literally in a “marching” sort of stomp. What fucking trash. As always... what I NEED to do is figure a way to get the fuck OUT of and AWAY from this shit-hole... and I really need to do so before mid-October... if that's at all possible (probably not though). - OK. Time to wind down. There's no laundry to be done. I decided to do none during the day. Primarily because I tossed the “work” clothes on. I'll toss them in for a quick wash and then, maybe the towel. But the bed linens? Nope. They can wait. And if Mme. heads to Memphremagog on Sunday? I'll have the day to do washing then... after the lawn... which probably might or might not get done anyway. - Another day gone. These few days have passed quickly. - I've had the router off for a couple of hours this evening. Just put it back. (Saw Kimmie going into the office as we came back from stroll. Hitting the “throttle”? Bitch.) - 20.16 HOLY SHIT! IT'S 29° WITH HUMIDEX OF 39!!! MIDIGHT IS 25/34!!! 18 for the high on Sunday. - 22.04 Showered and the house is settled and the “work” clothes are in the wash and I'm ready for a “civil” v-ton, hopefully some tele (since I'm being blatantly throttled on the internet) and... SLEEP BY MID-NIGHT! - Tomorrow? Banque, smokes, laundry detergent and ... something else, but I'm not certain yet.

Thu.6.Sep: 2.02 Bloody Hell anyway! - I've watched THREE (and recorded) episodes of “Call The Midwife”. SE3 EP8, the final in this season, was the death of “Chummy's” “mater”. It was about hospice. Nurse Lee has left Nanatis for a position at a hospice. And I keep remembering that evening on the porch in Rockaway when, I can't remember her name to save my own soul, said: “We become Nurses because we can't fix our own lives so we try to fix everybody else's.” I tried, been trying to fix everybody else's... and no, I can't “fix” my own. Chummy kept saying “I'm a Nurse...” as her Mum was dying. I'm a Nurse... more-so than most other “Nurses” I've encountered in my life-time. I have to take comfort and solace in knowing that to be a fact. - I started another letter to Denis. It does me some good, to be able to tell the things I wish I could have told him to his face but I know I'll never get the chance to do. I'm writing on Cecil's old stationery. I sliced the letter-head off. The paper is, of course, excellent... even or especially for fountain pen. Dear Cecil. I “know” so much about him. And the rest of the world won't ever understand. And I'll never know why or how I got the “gift”, as it's called, to do so. - Two “civil” v-tons. I have about 5 hours of rest now until 8.00 when the little ones will need to go out and to be fed. Mme. won't be back until later. She said she'll be getting a door for the garage. If so, no doubt. I'll be expected to remove it from the truck... and I don't doubt I'll be expected to install it. I resent things now. She's got the mentality and emotional development of a miserably spoiled 3-year old and I have no patience for it any longer. “I'm a Nurse.” “fixing” other lives. Shouldn't be doing it for any appreciation. After all... in hospice... - Strange, rather, that I've 2 telephone numbers now. One, the 564, is like a land-line... no text. The other, the 565, is more like a mobile... text and such. Both, reminiscent of the old 914 area code. Imagine that. But there's some sort of comfort in those numbers... and their presence in New York. - At 23.00 (last night... Wednesday), the temperature in this room was 27°! Bloody Hellish! The fan is in the door. Does precious little to cool the place. I can't help but think: the Twats have air conditioning, the qunt has hers as well. Me? I'm just the “hired help”... not worth it. Not worth more than a dank, dark room with no ventilation... not worth having rotting trash removed so that the only window can be opened. She's “Catholic”... giving her fucking cheques to places that have no more need of her fucking money than the Vatican itself. But she does ONLY when what she does can be acknowledged by others. Nothing is done from the soul... only for the reward of recognition. It's now “they” are... and then she sits in judgement of me, disseminating disparaging rumours and gossip. “He's verbally abusive.” Yeah... you get to toddle about the country-side at will and whim... making plans and arrangements to take off, get away, and not so much as a word of any of it... claiming to return at some point in time and then... always... always late. No responsibility. Spoiled, miserable little retard. - Never mind. It's late. I've just had a smoke. There's a little v-ton left and I want another smoke before sleep. - Sleep... May I wake fresh enough to do with the day, all that I want and need to do. - Amen. - Fuck. - 8.34 and “morning routine is done. And... it's drizzling out there. BUT... the temperature is down... the heat has passed at last! And yes, I did get SOME sleep over the past 6 hours. And no, it certainly wasn't enough. Now, I'm trying to decide whether or not to make a wash and take another shower. I don't have the energy for either at the moment. What a day. What a morning. I have to get cigarettes though, so there will be some sort of something at some point, I suspect. Well? Let's just roll along. What this day will accomplish will be seen... when this day is done. - 9.49 Showered and the bed-things are in the wash. Rains have passed. Now... to second coffee, wait for the wash and RUN! Mme. said she'd be going to Costco this morning (she should... Hallie needs food) and there was the mention of getting the new door for the garage. Of course, “reliability” on what she says is nil, but one can hope. I want to be out of here when she returns... or at least, done with MY errands BEFORE she returns. - 15.50 Well... I left at about 12.30, headed to the dép for the 5 packs of smokes... Crossing was a snap because it was the usual young gal. I didn't even get to stop the engine! Zip! TO the dép, then to the banque to put in 140U and off to Metro for Weetabix, la Parisienne (large format this time), a little P'tit Qué and a yoghurt (for my lunch today), Listerne and a V8 (just in case). Back to the states... That crossing was a bit more involved but still... ZIP! I passed the house and saw that Mme. was in so I went straight to Hannaford's for 2 coffees, a little bag of “chiabatta” rolls (for my cheese later), a tonic, bag of crisps for me, bag of crisps for she. FS. And 3 more coffees to spare on the card! YAY! - Got back in at about 14.30 or so. Chitty-chatty with Mme. and to my “accounting” where I've balanced it all out. - Just tried to order a new fountain pen (fine nib) but the card (CIBC) won't take. Can't figure why. Oh well... perhaps it's best. Though iPen is cheaper than ordering direct. Parker is made in France. HOONOO? Anyway, I can still finish the letter to Denis anyway in the mean-while. (I hope I have enough ink!) - Been in the room now since, door closed. She asked me some sort of question about something on the lap-top and as usual... blew me off as I was answering. So... I'll be staying in here for the duration. Fuck huh! - Sleepy now. Time for a nap. Why the fuck not? Eh? - 22.34 and again... later than I'd like but... another 6-page letter to Denis... in the envelope, ready for tomorrow's post. - This evening, I had a roll with my cheese and was quite fine but got invited to “dine” on ravioli (with pesto, of course), chicken sausage (I had one) and corn (I had one small). Seriously... I just regret not getting something sweet, but there's crisps for v-ton time. - Had a 20-minute nap whilst down-loading another episode of “Miranda” and tonight's “Midwife” is set to go. Hopefully the fucking “hick-net” will hold through at least ONE episode, for fux sake. - Limited chit-chat with Mme. this evening. I think she mentioned something about working Saturdays coming. I wonder why that is... lack of rent income, perhaps? Well... she could have taken care of that by telling them “Out” when they said they'd be out. But that's none of my business. So I think this Saturday she'll be working, hence the “I won't be here on Saturday and on Sunday I'm going to Memphremagog.” Toodles, pippo. - It's only 13° right now. Chilly, considering the heat of late. And next week looks to be rain for the better part of the week... and not TOO hot. Thankfully. - I'm considering a trip to the mall in Plattsburgh tomorrow. There's bound t be at least a little “souvenir” shop in the mall. But, we shall see if that happens. - Tried to order a pen on-line today. The fucking card was rejected and I don't know why. This is becoming quite the annoyance. I'll try again tomorrow... only on the phone. Perhaps another call to “Customer Support” at CIBC? What-ever. - No more word on the sale of the Subaru today. Looks like I'm going to get NOTHING out of it. Well... let's see how the week-end goes. Maybe... I can hope... even only a little. - Oh... this letter to Dennis? The story of how I moved away v. the other 3, and my “heaven” of the juke-box at G's, and the new number to send texts. Let's see where this all leads to. No-where... I suspect. But the letters are going and I'm actually enjoying the writing. My penmanship is returning. Next? A letter to Dorothy? Who knows. - For now? Time to get settled. Mme. has gone to bed. The day is done. YAY! - 23.09 Inet connection is SHIT again... I just thought: BOTH phones are on the net now in addition to both lap-tops. Discovered that Fuklin Tel is using cheap-shit servers too. OK. Typical.

Fri.07.Sep: 1.28 2 episodes and equal v-tons. I saw my breath earlier, having a smoke. Cold... reminds me of the Continental... Denis pulled me to the frost-frozen grass... I rolled us both, him atop me, to protect him. I remember. - 8.50 and I got up and about to the morning greeting of Minou on the porch, at my door at 8.38. And why am I awake? I've no idea. I'd really much rather be in bed, trying for more sleep. (Normal morning.) But when I woke, the clench-guard was in the blankets and the blankets were on the floor. It must have been SOME night! I can recall only one tiny bit of some sort of dream: Mme. wanted to go some-where and said “Let's go. Do you want to go?” and I replied, simply, “No.” and she walked away. I've no idea what came before or after. Oh well. But as I say, I woke to quite the stir. Such is the morning... here. - I monitored the web speed last night, as I got the copies of “Midwife”. It really wasn't too bad, for the most part. But it DOES fluctuate. I wonder why some of my connections are so slow of late. (A new router would help... and, likely, the nonsense shit the tel.co. is using. The squirrels in their wheels are probably growing old.) - Head-achey this morn. Tight in the chest and stiff in the neck. Days are counting down. - Well... lets get through this one; shall we? - 12° out there, on this clear morning. High of 22 and no 30s until Friday. Nice, indeed. - 18.09 At one point this after-noon, she came to the porch door of the room. “I bought you a present.” A gallon of pale yellow paint. Wants me to pain the stair-way to the up-stairs flat! I told her “When I can open the window to the room, I'll paint.” Excuses flowed! So I informed her that I'd contacted a state attorney who told me that my presence here is equal to theirs (the Twats) and that I'm at the end of being “abused”, as I have been, all along. I was civil, calm, very exceptionally polite. Excuses continued. “They'll be out by the first of October.” “Fine. Then the stair-way will be painted after the first of October.” - Meanwhile, it must have been about 17.30 when she took Hallie and rolled away... not a word, not a note. Nothing. Off and away... Indeed, it puts all into perspective. - And me, at about 14.30, I laid down for a “nap”... and got out of bed at 16.30. - Time for a cheese sammich. - 22.24 Well, I re-fixed the porch door this evening. Was offered a burger for dinner and declined, when she returned at about 18.00 or so. I'd finished all my cheese and rolls (3 total for the day... intake). GOT MY ORDER FOR NEW PEN AND CARTRIDGES AND SPOKE WITH THE OWNER OF iPEN! - Learnt that I'll send the gauge panel in for repairs... too involved for me and too delicate. - No word from Dennis, but then again, none expected. Posted the second letter today. - And now? Later than I expected to be in bed but am pouring a v-ton and heading for an episode of tele. - Tomorrow? She's got a “wedding” to attend. Sunday? A bar-b-q. Oh well... another day... done. - Oh... it's chilly out there tonight! Tomorrow night I'll bring the plants in... for the night anyway.

Sat.08.Sep: 8.09 (It's 11° on a sunny morning... and tonight we're down to 6!) and it was lights-out at 1.43 after 3 episodes of “Midwife”, one of which had to do with a Gay husband and the revelation that one of the midwives is Lesbian. Fascinating and frightening. It involved the husband taking hormones to be “cured”. But a general, over-all sense of acceptance. Quite the way to close one day and begin another. It was, in the story, the year 1960. Imagine! - And so, at 7.57, I got out of bed, after the “8.00” alarm (I have to check that phone/clock). Why? Not sure, but I was awake... and I had to pee. So now, I'm up and dressed, had coffee and smoke. - The plants have to come in before sun-set today. There's even warnings of “gel” in the forecast. Romantically, that's comforting. In reality, it's frightening... I don't want to be here another Winter. - There might be some folks to come see the Subaru over the week-end. I'm still thinking in terms of calling the junkers on Monday. I'll get nothing for all of that metal and parts. Typical. - Well, of course Mme. is awake. I suppose the day is begun. Oh... just fuck. - 9.04 Just in from second smoke and... the oddest sight: A heron, flying about in the clear, blue sky... and for a moment, it took a rest... on the top of a spruce tree in the Coopers' yard! A heron... on a tree-top! Oh, the sights. - And it's really quite snappy-cool out there. Here comes the Autumn! (And next week's forecast, at week end: More 30s. It's great to be back in the North. Oh... the insanity.) - 12.26 I just looked out the door to the back-yard... and again... she just up and left... no word... nothing. WOW! Just WOW! Well? NAP TIME! It's cold in here, cold out there, and I'm tired. - 14.00 (Her wedding is supposed to be starting now... time alone!) I took a 45 minute nap and the temperature in this room was at 18°! The little radiator is now ON! May as well... whilst the Twats are still in residence... and I won't have to be freezing in this ice box. Will have to bring the plants in tonight! Indeed! - 21.05 and she just rolled in with a little piece of “wedding cake” and a little bottle of wine, saying that “They're all dancing but it takes me 3 quarters of an hour to get back and...” “I hope everybody had something to eat.” to which I made no reply, having had the left-over tortellini and chicken sausages (2) at about 19.30. So yeah, I ate, and of course, the little ones did too. Then I over-hear her on the phone: gong to 10.00 mass tomorrow before the “bar-b-q”. So it's going to be another day of leaving the house all day... taking it all for granted that I have nothing to do or any place to go. Well, I'll just be interested to see how much of the lawn I'll be “permitted' to mow. And THAT'S going to be interesting because the grass is so high and there's probably not enough gas to to the whole thing. Oh well... as I resolved this evening: I'll do what I can and what can't be done, won't be. - The room is at about 22° now, up from the 18 of most of the day. The radiator is on and it's staying on. The plants are in for the night too. - Nobody came to see the Subaru so, on Monday, I'll ring the junk yard. I have to look at it this way: I paid it 1300, put in about 500, it got me to Bedford and Cowansville a few times and back and forth to work through a Winter. I couldn't have rented a vehicle for that money, and I couldn't have gotten transport for that length of time for that much so... I suppose I'll just have to think of it as “breaking even” and take the loss. Pisses me off though, to think that the junk yard will make money on it. But... fuck it. I'll be happy that I have the truck... and no financial burden. That's that and that's all. Hopefully I can get it off the property before Wednesday. One less “responsibility” in this place. - And so, that jotted, she's in the loo, I'm in the room, the little ones are about and it's time to wrap this day up. I'm actually just about tired enough to just go to bed. We'll see how I feel when I'm ready to get into the bed. Perhaps no v-ton tonight. Perhaps... - 23.57 Only 1 episode of “Midwife”. Can't find s04 e06! Bloody shit! Anyway, not feeling all too well... my mouth's sore tonight, tongue too. I wonder what the fuck THIS is now. And so, last smoke and off to the covers in a room of 23,8° and out-side it 7 with a “chill” of 6. It's due to go down to 5 and 4! But we've got humidex of 30s again by Wednesday. At least, for tonight, all's well.

Sun.09.Sep: 10.49 and at 7.45 I woke, with-out the alarm, feeling rather well-enough, better than most other days, anyway. - Last night was a forced lights out because I can't get another episode of “Midwife”, as is usually a case. I just didn't have the energy to keep searching for it so I gave in and... went right to sleep. - This morning, a check of the weather... temperature of 3°! Good thing I'd brought the plants in! - The rest of the morning went along... just along. Mme. prepped for her next trollop about, and I stayed in the room, save for my smokes. - At about 10.00, she was in the truck, with Hallie, and rolling out the drive. The Twats moved their vehicles to the front of the house, which means I won't be able to mow that. But, at this point in time, I don't care. Firstly, the grass is still wet with last night's dew and secondly, it's already been made MUCH MORE THAN abundantly clear that they obstruct and nothing is done to correct the situation. So? As is with “Creation” in general: You get what you deserve. And if the mowing isn't done properly, go pay somebody else to do it as it should be. I certainly won't put myself in a position where-by I have to be the recipient of un-necessary conflict. In general: Fuck off. - At least this room is being maintained at a tolerable warmth. The rest of the house is like a bloody walk-in cooler. None of my business nor concern. As I've said: Running the radiator 24/7 at FULL, in the kitchen cost 50$/month... so I was told. I keep the thermostat down to well under “half”, and I'm only warming a precious little space, not much more than (if at all) a walk-in closet. The cost to do so must be considerably less than the 50. And it's the very LEAST that can be provided... considering, during the hot weather, I can't open the window for ventilation and I can't have an air conditioner. I don't make a wash 7 days per week. And I use one lamp at a time, with energy-saving bulbs of much less than 60 watts. No television. Precious little cooking gas (making coffee with tap water in bottles). So the “cost” of my presence is negligible. I have, in return for any and all work, Hoovering, stove-cleaning, lawn and ground maintenance, 4 walls, ceiling and floor... and the occasional dinner, of no special sort, when invited. So, generally speaking: Get the fuck out of my face. - And so, that said, I do believe I'll while-away the time waiting for the lawn to dry by cleaning the wood-stove and maybe, I'll put up a fire in it, to take the chill out of the place. “Maybe”... I'll have to check to see what can be put in to burn... that will provide any heat to the place, with-out making a noticeable decrease in the wood supply... the wood that *I* hauled and stacked. - Well? The day is slipping by... time to make some use of the time other than sitting here at this table. - Other-wise: Fuckit! - 14.54 What have y'done today to make y'FEEL PROUD?” Well, Ms. Heather, at 11.15 I hit the wood-stove and cleaned it out! OUT! And dumped the old paper ash that had been sitting in it for from since Winter. By 11.53 it was clean, even the top, and the “converter”! YAY ME! Eh? Not to mention the shit on the top (2 kettles). After which, I Hoovered “my” little room and some of the kitchen. At which point, I toddled out to the barn and took the mower a off I went... zip-zip, around and around until... about 30 minutes ago when I came in to find a message about the Subaru (I think they're en route as I type)... so it was bed-things into a quick wash (they're in the dryer), me into the shower for a quick scrub (I'm already dried and dressed), work clothes in the quick wash, heavy soil (they're on the rinse) and feed lunch to Minou! NOT AT ALL FUCKING BAD! ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING THE “HOME-OWNER” CAN'T SIMPLY HOOVER HER ONE BED-ROOM IN UNDER A WEEK! So, Ms. Heather... THAT'S what I've done today to make me FEEL PROUD!” - I'm bloody hungry now too... Weetabix? Perhaps. - 16.01 AND THE SUBARU IS GONE! SOLD TO A GUY WHO WORKS PART-TIME ACROSS THE ROAD AT DICK WRIGHT. (Yeah... I'm a bit nervous about it but...) ODDLY, SOMEBODY FROM NEW HAVEN SENT ME TEXTS SAYING THEY WERE ON THEIR WAY TO PICK IT UP AND PAY 200$ (I wonder if they'd have paid the full 200) AND JUST AS I WAS HANDING THE SALES RECEIPT TO THE GUY WHO BOUGHT IT (FOR 150... HEY! IT'S MORE THAN THE JUNK YARD WOULD HAVE GIVEN ME AND I DIDN'T HAVE TO PAY TO HAVE IT HAULED)... THE TRUCK AND TRAILER WERE THERE, AT THE ROAD!!! THE NEW HAVEN FOLKS ENCOUNTERED THE 3 GUYS WHO'D JUST BOUGHT THE CAR! Well... as I said, “Timing is everything.” and as they said “First come, first served.” I could have, very well, happened to me too. BUT THE CAR IS NO LONGER ON THE PROPERTY, NO LONGER IN THE YARD, NO LONGER MY CONCERN. I'M FREE!!! FREE!!! FREE OF HERE!!! FREE!!! Now... to get a place to live in and the money to afford it and... I'LL BE GONE!!! GONE!!! GONE!!! I'm relived about the freedom... a little nervous about the situation surrounding the sale, in addition to the fact that the car will be across the road. But... the sale is the sale. Kevin didn't tell me all that was wrong with it... like the lock on the trunk and door. And, as Jada said, he'd sold her daughter a car that wouldn't pass inspection, she'd put a deposit on it and he wouldn't give it back to her. AND... Anna said that if she'd bought it and it fell apart en route home, it was HER responsibility and not mine. Besides. I doubt somebody's going to drive all the way up here from New Haven for some sort of revenge. And if they do? It's me against them, and I've got a LOT of anger issues... - So, Ms. Heather Small... add this to my list of “What I have done today to make me feel proud.” The Subaru is GONE! The lawn is mowed. The wood-stove is cleaned. AND MY WASH IS ALL DONE! I think I could use a drink. - 21.20 and she rolled back in at about 18.00 or so. First words: “The lawn looks beautiful!” I wonder... Why is she being complimentary? How sad... I don't trust her. - Whilst I had the time, I tried calling Ev, for the holiday. I heard her perfectly... she couldn't hear me. I tried twice. Maybe it's because of the weather? They were already having the rain that supposed to hammer us all tomorrow and Tuesday. Well. I tried. - A for Mme., I was invited and accepted a “Kaluah and half'n'half” this evening. She also offered to cook a hamburger for me. But I'd gone to the store and gotten a container of cottage cheese... which I ate in peace. So no, I wasn't and am not hungry. - I didn't mention the sale of the Subaru and, of course, she didn't notice that it's not in the yard. It's rather interesting, to a point, what she does and does not notice. - The dishwasher has died... washing by hand. Oh well. And it's full. I offered to do them during the week. At least I'll know they're clean if *I* wash them. - And she rang her “Bradley” to ask him to dig up the septic. She wants it cleaned on Friday. And I heard her say something about removing the fences in the yard. So she'll pay him to do that but I'd already said that I could do it... I'm put in “my place” yet again. Fine. No prob. She stabs herself in the back. (I think of the painting of the stair-way... I wonder: Will she hire somebody else to do that as well? Well... fine... paint it before the Twats move and when they move, they'll destroy it. If it makes no sense... Vermonters will do it. I don't give a shit.) - So, the night is done. It's chilly out there again tonight. The radiator is on, just enough to make it “comfortable” in the room. - Tomorrow is another day and now it's time for me to get ready for the night... hopefully I can find the episode of “Midwife” and have a v-ton and SLEEP! - l'Shanah Tovah.

Mon.10.Sep: The double-digit days commence. - 10.14 It was lights-out at 4.00 this morning and out of bed at 9.35. No, not “enough” sleep” but... there we have it and I suppose the 90 minutes more is a little better than waking at 8.00... for no obvious reason. Mme. seems a bit “put off” by something about me this morning. Alas and oh well... she also appears to be “put off” by something about Minou this morning, in which case, fuck her. - It's 50F on the thermometer on the porch this morning. It's warmer out back than it is in the kitchen. There's a sickness in this place... I say no more. - I'd entertained the notion of a trip to NY today... but since I honestly have no particular reason to do so, other than some flag or trinket, I see no sense in making the 100mi. trip (round) for such nonsense. I really need to get back to hoarding the dollars and cents. Smokes, coffee and vodka... well, at least the coffee isn't (yet) in the calcs. Still. - Oh, and I did get the s04e06 for “Midwife” last night... in 2 parts. I'll have to “splice” at some point. But I want to “splice” a season together anyway. What ever. Now, on to s05e01 and see how that runs. I believe there are 8 seasons. We'll see. - For today? Well... it's grey. The rains are due at about 21.00. Temperatures are expected to rise again by end of week. No telling. The front yard could be mowed. I could try the grass “plugs”. But... Mrs. Twat's vehicle is back in the drive... Mr. Twat's vehicle is still in front of the garage. Sloths. (Not fair to sloths... let's just call it as it is: Twat-shits.) - I started a letter to Denis this morning (it's why I was up until 4.00). I'll jot a bit more on that, I suppose. - Happy New Year? l'Shanah Tovah. Indeed. (And tomorrow? 11 Sept... 17 years later and it seems like only about 5 years ago. Ah... I remember the photos... I remember why I don't have ANY. I remember the morning. Someday, soon, I hope, I won't have to remember anything... After this, there's only peace.) - 22.13 Well, well, well... at 15.55 she rolled away, with a knock on the door to say she was leaving, told Hallie she'd be back on Thursday. I was in the room and didn't bother to get up. When I went to the kitchen... the usual filth. So I gathered all the washables and did them. (She did, how-ever, un-load the dishwasher, did those dishes and even put them up! I am amazed. But I DID tell her that I'd do them so... no doubt, I'll be on some shit-list anyway... her Pammie was over when I was taking my nap at about 14.00... for about an hour. No doubt there was something to be said at that little meeting.) None-the-less, I got the kitchen together and served dinner to the little ones. Had the last 2 franks left in the fridge and some string cheese. But at about 19.00 I went to the store and got chicken fukkitz, a bag of crisps and 2 glazed buns... the cheap shit that, in The City are 2/1,00$ or 75 cents... Here? 1,19! Fucking rips. But I had a fun chat with Deb. The total came to 7,36... she put in the 36 cents! Imagine THAT! - Oh, and at about 17.30... I Tue.11. FIRED-UP THE WOOD-STOVE WITH THE POLE CUTTINGS FROM THE BARN! IT WAS WARMER OUT-SIDE THAN IN THIS HOUSE AND THE HOUSE WAS SO FUCKING DAMP! Well... the wood doesn't burn as quickly as I'd thought and it stinks... must be treated some-how. But it burns... and is burning... and warmed the house and took out a lot of the dampness. So it's a bit more comfortable in here tonight. - At 19.36, as I went to sit down on the royal recliner to eat my fukkitz... VOMIT ON THE FLOOR, AT THE RECLINER AGAIN! I TOOK A PHOTO AND SENT IT TO Mme. WHO ADMITTED THAT HALLIE HAD HAD ALL SORTS OF “EXTRA FOOD” AT THE BBQ YESTERDAY. YEAH? WELL THIS WAS UNDIGESTED CHEESE AND SOME SORT OF “STRING”! WTF? The last post to me was that she (Hallie) won't be getting that cheese any more. Yeah...sure... moron. Maybe you should stop giving her all sort of other shit that she shouldn't be eating and give her more of her own food. But... none of my business, that. - Right now, I'm exhausted. I napped on the recliner for about another half hour, with Minou on my lap. When I just got up to put more wood on the fire, I put him on the recliner... he's still sleeping there... and Hallie's on the sofa, after I'd gone into “her” room to check on her. She seems to be doing better. Hopefully a regular diet for the next couple of days will make it all better for her. - So now, I'm debating about a shower... but I think I'll take one anyway. I'd wanted to be in bed and close to going to sleep by now but... - Tomorrow is the “5th pack” of smokes. Looks like I'll be heading back up on Tuesday. I NEED to cut my smoking back! I can't think of WHY I'm smoking so much more lately. Maybe, now that the car's gone... - OH THAT! THE CAR! THE OLD BAT DIDN'T NOTICE IT WAS GONE UNTIL ALMOST 14.00 OR SO TODAY! What a fuktard. I told her the story about the guys and the guys from New Haven and she sided with the ones from New Haven, even after I told her that I'd received many other messages from other people saying they were coming to buy the car. Honestly.... there truly IS something terribly WRONG with that woman. Brain rot? Or, perhaps it's residual brain damage from that “car accident” she claims she'd had as a youth. What-ever. She's wack... I wouldn't honour her with the title “schwacked”. - So much for the first day of the NEW YEAR!. And tomorrow? 9/11. How wonderful. - I need more vodka. Thankfully there's enough for tonight. - And, I got a few more pages written to Denis today. If there's no reply, I don't see much more of this writing taking place... not at this steady rate anyway. I'm purging... saying all that I've wanted to say. That's the only point of importance.

Tue.11.Sep: 3.22 I remember... - Late again. I'm going to be sorry in about 5 hours. - 2 episodes of “Midwife”, seen and copied. 2 v-tons and not enough for tonight. Smokes to the 5th pack. My mouth is sore, as it has been for about 3 weeks now. The wood-stove is still going. The little ones have been quiet all along. It's raining, but not as cold as last night. The radiator is still on. I'm in from a smoke, not long ago and will have one before sleep... if I sleep. And again, tonight, I put my head down on the pillow... annoyed... with life, in general. - 9.15 Up at 7.50-something for the “8.00” alarm and got right to trying to clean the “cooked-in” Downy from last night. I'd put the old tin on the stove to “freshen” the air as the stove burned and the shit LEAKED! Burnt dark brown and black into the stone top! But, a bit of dish soap and a steel scrubby seems to have gotten it all gone. I don't DARE leave evidence of having burned any wood! JEEZIS! I'll be strewn across the road! It seems all gone now. Then, there was one log in there, charred, from last night. So I had to re-start the stove this morning and try to burn that away too. It's “burning”... a bit, now. Hopefully it'll be ash by this afternoon and I'll be able to just shovel it out and dump it in the back. I know it's not going to give any “heat”. But this morning's 15° so that's not “too” bad. - Been texting with Dorothy. Donna's staying put through the storm Dorothy's planning on a visit to Monticello in November. If I play my savings correctly, I MIGHT be able to see her this time. (She's also thinking another visit in May... for lilacs... but I don't know that I'll be “around” by then... what-ever.) - Well all in all, the little ones have had breakfast, I've had coffee and loo, the stove's scrubbed... 4,5hrs of “sleep” ... There's a NAP coming round... any minute now, I should think. - Out of vodka. Will have to hit the 5th pack of smokes today. Shit... Just SHIT! - 11.04 NAP TIME! I'm running down. - 13.23 Nap went until about 13.15. I've got the wood-stove going again, mostly just to get rid of that one piece that didn't “go” last night. The house is a touch damp, but I doubt the stove will be going enough to get rid of that. Still... I just don't care. Actually, I'm in some sort of mind-set where I can't care much about much... it's the “drear” of the late night and broken sleep. - Have decided not to get any more vodka this week... and give that a try. After all... I don't have to “ask” for transport and I obviously don't have to give notice when I leave. I can get what-ever when-ever. And I need to start back with the seriousness of saving. - For now, I think I'm going to get to the house-work a bit, to the p.o. and see if my pen has arrived (I'm wondering why I've not received any notice of it having shipped.... but it's been paid). And for the rest of what's left of this day? I don't know and don't much care. The sun is trying to come through and I've a feeling it's going to get DAMNED HOT DAMNED QUICKLY again. So... We'll just let it all run its course. - 21.22 no shower just to bed

Wed.12.Sep: 8.26 and I DID... I DID just go right to bed at 21.22 last night. Took a muscle relaxer and went directly to bed... and slept, almost completely, through the night. Woke only briefly, changed sides (which is something I don't do after 2 v-tons) and went right back to sleep. I woke, briefly, at some time before the 7.00 alarm and dozed until I heard the alarm (which is just short of 7.00) and by 7.10, I was up and about. had my coffee, a quick smoke and a shit. Then, served breakfast to the little ones, another quick trip to the loo, changed the bag in the Hoover, put the garbage to the curb, emptied the ash bucket and here I am... first wash in the machine and ready to take on the floors... for the first time since last week's cleaning. And after 9,5 hours of sleep... SLEEP, how do I feel? Well... generally, OK. A “bit rested”, nothing stupendous. But clearer than I've felt in about a week. Yes, I suppose it does make a bit of a difference, not having the glass of vodka before bed. My neck isn't as stiff as it was yesterday. I rather think it's because of changing positions during the night. Anyway, there's one rather “light” drink left to the vodka and I'm not rushing to get any more. And I'll have to be back in Bedford tomorrow for smokes (and such, for customs). But what-ever will be, will be. And, as I type, I hear the washer here AND the fucking washer up-stairs, AGAIN! That machine runs almost ALL day, EVERY day as long as Mme. isn't in. Electric and hot water (which is electric) and she whines, and whines, and whines. - As for up there, the Twats' residence, I don't see much in the way of packing and moving going on and today's the 12th. They're closing was to have happened on Monday, the 10th? They told the old thing that they'd be out by the 1st October. She told me that they told her that. I'll note here, this morning: It ain't ha'nin. But that's OK. No matter what, I'll remain the shit-bastard in town... Grisolm, Stanhope, the Twats, the ones before the Grisolms (who allegedly cost several thousands in repairs on the red house, followed by Grisolms who cost another several thousand... the Stanhopes who cost court-time... the Twats who've installed a dog that ripped the siding from the corner of the porch... &c.) and I'm the one with “nasty attitude”, “vulgar mouth”, “verbally abusive”. She's SICK! WAY beyond “ill”... and into the darkest depth of “SICK”! Oh well... we roll - 8.58 Second trip to the loo and a BLAST of “cleaning” followed by... I want a nap! 9,5 hours sleep... up for a mere 2 hours... I want a nap. My body's just had more than it's share. Maybe as the wash dries... I'll take a shut-eye then, on to the floors! - 11.00 on the dot! And the house is Hoovered and mopped. The only washing left is what I'm wearing. Done again... for this time. - 18.10 And so... the afternoon turned into “an evening” when, at about 16.40, Hallie took off, out the door, as usual. I prepared dinner for them and debated with me, whether or not to dip into the cash-stash and get something to eat for tonight. Well... dinners were served, Minou came and ate and, at about 17.00, the phone rings... the phone that's hidden some-where round the house (or... is with Mme. there's no telling). A message from Kerry: “Hallie's been wandering around up here so I have her on the porch.” Yeah? Don't bring her back. Lock her on the porch. Moron. So, I decided to take 20 from the cash and head to the store for more chicken fikkitz, ice cream and a Twisted Tea to which I might add the little bit of vodka that's left, and have that before bed tonight. (No doubt... spasms... some-how, I have that Tea and I have spasms... we shall see.) So... I'm sitting, watching “The Five”, eating my what-ever when I hear the bellowing of “Hello? Hello? Hello?” as the locals do. Jess... “Is that Jude?” says he as I walk to the door. He's got Hallie on a rope... with a knot tied so damned intricately you'd think he had a wild puma on it. I wasn't exactly “charming”. But when he said something about her not being tied, I pointed out that she's never “tied”. He acted surprised, as if just learning that. Another moron. The place is LOADED with them! Well, so, she's back and had her dinner and all's what-ever it usually is. - Meanwhile, I'm actually tired again. Had a 30-minute nap again at about 14.30. And I'm looking forward to “seepie-nigh-night” time tonight... EARLY! NO MATTER WHAT! - 21.19 AND SHOWERED AT LAST! SCRUBBED! Clothes in the wash. Me with my Tea. A few fukkitz left in case I want to nibble. - Had QUITE the text messaging with Dorothy today. She'll be in NY the 3rd-18th Nov and then 3 weeks in May. I can only HOPE that I'll be able to get to see her this time... Preferably in November since I HOPE I'll be the fuck out of and away from here in May and will have a few extra expenses... like rent by May. Anyway... the day is done. The shit's over. The phone's off so there's no chance of getting any shit. - Tomorrow? MUST get to Bedford for smokes... and figure how to explain the trip. “Lunch with friends” perhaps. Hey... it's m'day off from the shit-hole! What-ever. We shall see. - Time for “tea” as the wash washes and Minou cries to be let out... Poor little thing. He was keeping me company whilst I showered... MEEEEEOW MEEEOOOOW MEEE-OOWOWOWO! And now? He's on the floor, beside my feet, as I type. (Probably making sure I don't get out... with-out him... Snarky little feller.) Hallie's been in bed since we came in from walking. Oh well... - 23.53 day's done. Another “Midwife”.

Thu.13.Sep: 8.07 ANOTHER NIGHT OF TOSSING, TURNING, AND NOT SLEEPING! I remember dozing, briefly, and waking to see the day-break! Then, rolled over and went back to sleep. Had some sort of DREAM:
I was working home-Nursing, on a bus PACKED with all sorts of women. Young, old, what-ever. All (or most) of us were Home-Nurses. It was in a residential area of NYC. I wasn't sure of the stop and one of the younger ones knew the area. When we approached the stop, she noddled to me over the crowd and when the bus stopped, I had to push my way to the front of the bus to get out. But just as I got to the door, the driver closed it and started to pull away! I called to her that I had to disembark and she shook her head!!! She wasn't going to let me out! So I YELLED at her that I HAD to get out HERE! She stopped the bus, opened the door and as I alighted I noticed she was a rather finely-dressed woman, perhaps in her early 40s, black hair, make-up, a black dress. Pompous. Arrogant. She sat rather side-ways in the seat, looking at me with a condescending air. I went into a tirade of epithets and none of them even bothered her. She looked at her finger nails, with the same arrogant look on her face. - Off the bus, I had to go through a small, canvas bag, like my little tool bag, trying to get a book back inot it. It was taking the longest while and the bus just sat there, as the driver glared down at me. I was EXHAUSTED, and so, worked slowly trying to get the book into the bag. Suddenly, I realised I was going to be late to work at that rate, so I yelled at the driver again and... I woke.
It was 7.50 when I looked at my little clock. If I've gotten 2 hours sleep all night, that's that. ALL FUCKING NIGHT AGAIN! WTAF? So this morning, I'm just not in a clear-thinking state of anything. - And I was in a sweat last night. Pillows, me... the works. So much for fresh linens. - Well... the little ones have been fed, and out and the doors are open. What will be, will be. - I need the loo. My stomach's off. I need to get to Bedford today. I'm SO BLOODY TIRED! And, to make it ALL so much the better... Mme. returns today! - It's so foggy this morning, can't see Richmond Hill. Jolly! Fuck! - 8.48 and out of the loo. Wish I knew when the old thing was going to roll in. I should make a wash... Then again, I could keep all as it is... I believe she works on Saturday so... - I could use a shower though. Oh well... It's not about “me” anyway. - 11.11 PEN ARRIVED AND WORKS BRILILANTLY! Shame, really, because I just posted the 3rd and probably last letter to Denis. Oh well. The pen's here. Maybe time to start writing to Dorothy and Donna? “Life” tells us strange things at strange times. - Meanwhile, I'm showered, bed linens re-washed and dried and it's time for me to get me together and up to Bedford. Just waiting til the last moment here so the little ones aren't left alone for too long. (Of course, if I don't get out before Mme. arrives, I'll, most likely, be blocked in... fuckers.) - 17.09 and... indeedie, I made the trip to Bedford. Left at about 12.30-ish and came back 14.30-ish and Mme. was here when I got in... and... AND... SHE GAVE ME 100... from her Shomali sales which “covered the loss of the rent and enough to pay some extra bills”. Imagine THAT! WELL! I'm thankful because I got my smokes today and 2 bottles of that bain-gel-douche I kind-of like (at Korvette), 26 batteries for the light I got her for her b'day (this is going to start costing ME... every 3 months?) and a few nibblies for me and a box of “Au Caramel” for her. - (I'm REALLY tired right now... I need a nap.) - 22.45 And I DID get a 30-minute nap in, after which, I was invited to dine. Make-shift goulash, with garden veggies. Offered a beer as well... I declined. (I too a muscle relaxer though and am hoping it will keep me asleep through the night.) - Nice evening too. No arguments or such. And the issue about Hallie yesterday? When I told her how Jess came with the rope and work gloves... she found it ridiculous. Oh well... that's for now. Sure it will change. - And so, I've spent too much time on Minds and now it's time to try for sleep. - I'd like to try to get to Plattsburgh tomorrow... something “New York” for the truck. We'll see how it turns out. - Saturday, Mme. plans on cleaning the fridge (again). Oh well. - Anyway... I'm itching to use the new pen! Perhaps a letter to Donna.

Fri.14.Sep: 7.18 No v-ton. No “tele”. Finished yesterday's entry, took 1 muscle relaxer and went to bed... At about 3.30 this morning, I woke, rather refreshed... forced m'self to go back to sleep until about 4.30... when I laid there, thinking about getting up and dozed back off until about 6.00-ish when I tried to think of a reason to get out of bed and half-dozed until 7.14 when I decided to just get up and out of bed. But getting up at 3.30... feeling rested... and then, 7.14 and feeling rested (but with quite a bit of left-side chest pain this morning, like something's stuck in there some-where). It's rather delightful. Now... I'm thinking, there are little shoppes in Rouses Point, touristy shoppes... I can stop there en route to Plattsburgh and I might find something “New York” there and save the gas. That'd be rather nice. So I'm looking forward to that little escape from this hole today. - Meanwhile... had morning bottle-pee, just finishing coffee. House is... quiet (enough). There's a stench in this room again. Old, stale, almost like animal pee. Oh... one day... one day... And today, she's having the septic pumped! How wonderful! (The Magnants will be so pleased... something to spray on their crops.) - 19.16 Well... I left at about noon-ish and just said I'd be back soon and headed off, down the road, along the river and over the lake to Rouses Point. Took 9B down to 9 and drove through Coopersville, Cazy, Beekmantown... and saw some of the places that advertise for rent on Crgslist! They're not as bad as those Googed images make them seem. Even the one in Coopersville was cute! Though, REALLY far from the nearest markets. Still, it was a beautiful drive! And the 9 intersects perfectly with Cornelia in PLATTSBURGH so it was a zip getting to the Champlain Mall! As for the mall? What a tiny little disappointment. Penny's at one end, Target at the other. Dick's and Gander and a few clothing “boutique” shops. Nothing really worth the trip for. And no... NO little “souvenir-type” places! I bought... NOTHING! So I headed across the road to the Walmarde complex. Walmarde had nothing either... nothing I wanted. (I was in search of NY stuff and perhaps, new underwear, in particular.) At the Walmarde is a Michael's and Home Goods. When I came out of Walmarde, I passed the truck and noticed a puddle under it. Thinking it wasn't the truck, I looked closer to see it was LEAKING!!!!! Clear, semi-oily liquid... LEAKING! SO I GOT INTO THE TRUCK AND IMMEDIATELY HEADED BACK... TO MIKE'S... SOME 55mi AWAY!!! THE GAUGES WERE ALL READING “NORMAL” SO I HAD NO IDEA WTF WAS DRAINING! Of course, I had to follow idiots, morons and trucks all the way back and when I finally got to E. Highgate at the bridge, some “corn truck” pulled in front of me. FUCKING CORN HUSKS ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE! Thankfully, I know the Shawville Rd. and took that... and got to Mike's by about 16.20!!! Great timing on the drive! So I told him the situation and one of the mechanics came to look, opened the coolant container under the hood and it HISSED!!! TOTALLY EMPTY! The damned thing has a leak! Mechanic says it's the water pump! OK. So Al said he'd get the pump by Wednesday... I was going to bring the truck in but Al said it might take a few hours... I'd have to walk back to Fuklin and then back to the garage! So I changed it to Friday. The pump? 125$! The labour? Probably another 125! IF it comes to only that, I'm fine with cash. If more? I'm rather fucked until the 26th. We shall see. Anyway, the mechanic told me to go get some coolant... closest place? Enosburgh! BUT... AL PUT IN ABOUT A GALLON TO GET ME TO ENOSBURGH! BLESS THOSE GUYS! So off I went... 13$ and change for a gallon of coolant which is still in the truck... until I need to go anywhere again. - Got back in the hole at about 17.30 and asked Mme. “Will you be around on Thursday night and Friday evening?” Her answer”... “Why?” WHAT? So I told her I have to bring the truck in on for Friday. “Why?” “Because I thought it's been a while since Mike saw it last and he might like to visit with it.” Then I told her. “I'll be around all week-end.” (She's working 8-18.00 on Saturday though... Hmmm...???) So Yeah, she agreed to help me with the truck. ANYTHING to make “drama”, these people. - Well? There goes my little “cash-stash”. THANKFULLY I didn't spend ANYTHING in Plattsburgh! AND... went REALLY hungry the rest of the day. - And so... dinner was cooked, a beer was offered (and accepted) and we sat and ate. - Oh... says she: When they pumped the septic, it STUNK (of course) and she said “Now I know why he left! He didn't want to have to smell this!” (She's so brilliant... as if I was even thinking about her and her “shit”.) Well? Here we go again... more money into the 3k truck... bringing it closer to the 7k that it could have been offered at. I'll be up to that soon enough. But at least I'll know that the repairs and new parts are OK. - 21.13 Texting with Dorothy and just had a muscle relaxer. No v-ton tonight. And with this new expense, doesn't look like there'll be any for about 2 weeks. Good thing time passes so quickly now-a-days. But, had a nice meal with Mme. this evening. Chicken sausage (1), some squash and beans and corn. I NEEDED the food tonight too! And now, the house is dark and it's time for me to try for some sleep. Not planning on tele tonight. Trying to stay “normal”. Besides, it was a “heavy chest” day all day today. Lump in the upper. So no sense tempting Fate. - Mme.'s Bradley came and covered the septic tank this evening. I was going to do it, but thought I'd wait for her to say something. Oh well. Never mind. - I have to write to Donna now. No prob there.... NEW PEN! YAY! (I should probably print though, or write VERY neatly.) - So... time for jammies and under the blankies. I'm going to leave the door open tonight. It's “cool” but certainly not cold. And hopefully... time and all will pass along briskly... and the repairs won't be more than I have. (I'll have to get to the banque to get the 100 out of there. The bad thing is... there's only 108USD in it! It's going back down to where it was a while back. I hope they won't give me a hard time. I don't really need to (if it costs me what they estimated)... I've got the 100 in the light on the keys... and I'll replace that on the 26th. But SHIT! Here we go again... back to broke. Oh well... at least there's a truck... and all I can do is HOPE WITH MY ALL that it keeps running with-out any major repairs needed. (Though.. inspection is coming next month. KRISTE! Still. Better than last year at this time... with NOTHING... but a Subaru that really shouldn't have been out at all.) - Hey... only 12 days of poverty. I should be able to handle that... after all... I survived YEARS... with less and even less than less.

Sat.15.Sep: 8.45 In from smoke. Woke at 8.31. I'd turned the 8.00 alarm off yesterday morning and forgotten about it. (Gee... I wonder how I could have forgotten about it... ) But I had a full sleep last night with only one tiny moment of waking and a minor spasm. - Had a DREAM too. Something about being broke, needing money, being hungry and homeless. I don't remember all the little details, but I remember thinking that I had to remember it, but I was too tired (lazy?) to get up and note it. But I DO remember that the whole dream was at night... or in darkness... VERY dark. And I remember thinking, when I woke from it: This whole ordeal of being with-out money again is weighing on my mind. But seriously, the truth of the matter is that it's really NOT all that bad. I'm NOT looking at being homeless. I'm NOT looking at going with-out food. And I'm NOT looking at being with-out money for any great length of time. It's just ... well... it's just that it IS a bit un-nerving. And it certainly is NOT as if I've NEVER been in such a situation. Still, to be SO worried about something that will last all of about 12 days. Admittedly, it's also about the fact that there are so many “influences” that can steal money away... with-out any notice, and with-out any control. Theft... “Legalised Theft” at that. - Well? Here's another day. - The clouds in the Western sky are strange this morning. They “ripple”, like soft waves on the ocean... “rolling”, as if on mere currents of air and not wind or breezes. Very strange, indeed. - And so... let's see how this all moves along... into the end of this day, and another day closer to the 26th when, once again, there will be SOME income. What I NEED to do is figure a way to “augment” this measly income... SOME way. I'll have to ponder. - Oh... a note: As I just stood out having my smoke, Mrs. Twat comes in and calls to me “Are you digging holes in my lawn?”. “MY” lawn. She's really quite psychotic about this “MY” business. How about YOU got YOUR arse the fuck out of JACQUIE'S house and into the one YOU allegedly bought... and THEN chat about YOUR lawn? Eh? No darlin', I didn't dig a hole in YOUR lawn, I merely MOW YOUR lawn. Qunt. - Happy Saturday. - On with the day. - 9.08 Journal WP and site up-to-date. - 13.49 VOICE MESSAGE FROM DENIS!!!! FROM DENIS!!! VOICE! CALL! MESSAGE! AND... I'M TEARING-UP LIKE A LITTLE SCHOOL-GIRL... AGAIN. BUTTERFLIES IN THE HEART. JEEZ! WHAT A PIECE OF WORK AM I! - 24.09 I refuse to go to Sunday just yet. - WELL! I GOT TO TALK, JUST A LITTLE BIT, WITH DENIS TODAY! THE CONNECTION WAS TOTAL SHIT AND TWO CALLS GOT CUT, SO WE FINALLY GAVE UP. BUT HE THANKED ME FOR THE LETTERS SO I'VE ALREADY STARTED ANOTHER. BUT, IT'S REALLY AMAZING HOW, THE SOUND OF HIS VOICE SENDS ME BACK TO 1972, 3 AND 4! ALL THE WHILE I TALK WITH HIM, MY HEAD AND HEART AND SOUL ARE RIGHT BACK THERE. AND... AS I SAID IN THE LETTER I JUST STARTED... I'M ACTUALLY HAPPY AGAIN! But these connections are such shit! I really have to figure something out here. Maybe if I actually use the G-voice account it'll be better. I'll have to give that a try... maybe tomorrow whilst Mme. is away. SOMETHING had GOT to work! This shit can't just go on like this! Odd, but I sometimes get the same shit connections when I talk with Ev. But not always. I wonder... I just wonder. - Meanwhile, the day rolled along and I've worked the G's.com to where I could actually cut the old “blog” away from it. Referrals to the Minds account instead of the “forum” format. “Contact” page is a direct e-mail reference. I'm keeping the old blog up and running, particularly for the “posts” that somebody MIGHT subscribe to. Damned shame I have no way of actually knowing. Still, Denis said that there probably aren't many of us left who remember the place... but he doesn't know about the e-mail, the Minds, the blog... and the Twatter and such. G's is out there for more than just “us” now. Maybe it'll catch-on... some-how, with others. That would be nice. (I should get a “counter” on the site... Maybe... Next “effort”.) - This evening was an invitation to dine. “Chinese”. It took her the entire day just to clean the fridge! Not even the freezer with. Amazing. But after dinner, I did the dishes again. I think the dish-washer is repaired, but at least I do something... she cooks, I do the dishes. - It was a clear and very warm day all day too. Damned shame, almost, that it got wasted with me in the room. But at least the site is cleaned-up and running independent. I only just some-what recently finished it all. Odd... but I get REALLY tired when I have to concentrate on things. “Old”. - No v-tons again tonight. There's just enough for a very light one, left in the bottle. I'm looking at it as one of the “drying-out” periods... when I get back to it, it'll take considerably less to help with sleep. Not bad. Besides, my system probably could use the break. - And as of today (actually, since it's already the 16th at this point), only 10 days until the next income. This “not spending” on food and such is a bit tough, but I've been through worse... MUCH worse. I just have to ration the smokes... lest I find myself on “rollies” again. I'll have to dig that tobacco and papers up. I can't remember where I put them away to. Of course. - Well, so much for this Saturday. Best I can hope for now is to get SOME sleep... a nap, perhaps. I doubt mowing is on the agenda for tomorrow. The lawn could use it, but there isn't enough gas... and I'm not going to ask for more and I'm certainly not going to buy any... I mean, this very morning Mrs. Twat got out of her car as I was having my smoke and asked “Are you digging holes in my lawn?” I told Mme. about it. Makes no difference. So... since Mme. doesn't mind, and Mrs. Twat insists it's “HER” lawn... let THEM concern themselves with the gas. I mow when I can... I mow “THEIR” lawn, so let THEM provide the necessary gasoline. What will I do with my Sunday other-wise? Oh... letters to Denis, Donna, Dorothy (I never noticed the “D”s involved... hmmmm...) - For now, wrap-up time. Jammies and a snuggle 'neath the covers. Tomorrow (today?) is another day. Fuck. Charming.

Sun.16.Sep: (10 more days and counting.) - Another 2.00 “night”. Shit. - 9.02 If I Can stick to no more than 7 smokes per day... what I have here will last me through to next income. Well... for starters, I'm only just now waking up. But... that's 7 hours of “sleep” so I'm not complaining. And waking at 9 pushes me past the 8.00 smoke that I'd thought of last night/this morning. Back in the working days of NYC, I used to have a smoke every 2 hours (sometimes 3). I see no reason why I can't get back to that. Surely I can find SOMETHING around here that will keep me other-wise occupied... and so, I'll keep that all in mind as the day progresses... as the DAYS progress. (Imagine? Cutting back on the smokes. Cutting out the vodka. Thankfully, I can still have my coffee. And all because I have my truck. But you know? It must be said/typed: It's worth it! There's a truck in the yard and my name is on the title... and it's paid for... except that the repairs are becoming car payments. But ... but... but.) - Hopefully Mme. will be attending 10.00 mass in town this morning. Maybe I'll try Denis and Ev. (Oh look! “Friends” I can talk with! Well... that's screwing here nonsense all to Hell now... Isn't it?) WHAT-EvUH! - 11.45 and another day rolls away... as Mme. rolled in just moments ago. Alas. And I've pissed the morning away, emptying the piss-bottles (pun? no.), re-filling my “coffee water” bottles, cleaning my “clench-guard” and tipping over the soc.med. Got a map printed though, delineating the distances from here to MTL and NBG. Will post with next missive to Denis. - It's almost miserably hot out there again today. I probably should go find something to do around the place. But... truth is... I'd rather write. We'll see what wins. - Meanwhile, I'm about to bust my allocation of smokes... and have my 13.00 at 12.00. I'll be sorry for it... later. - 19.20 Two guys came to see the flat up-stairs. The first... older guy, with a “vintage” old Ford. He and his Mrs. are living in a “camp” in Johnson and have no place to go for Winter. The second is the son of that Sue Irish-Reed thing that came to the house 2 years ago, looking for veggies and said “Jacquie said she has squash.” I told her where it is and she asked “Are you going to pick if for me?” All 400 (at least) pounds of her! Hell! Anyway, the son, “Justin”, I believe, has 2 kids, 4 and 5 years of age if memory serves. He has them ever other week-end. And he's another of what I see as “Vermont men”... timid as all shit. Honestly, they can produce the kids but that's about it. “Milquetoast” as it's called. So, Mme. gave the applications. She shall see. She says the flat stinks of “animal”. Any wonder? The poor dog's locked in there all fucking day long. And, says she, there's blankets over the windows. And, they've got a “big rabbit”. I tried to help her with the odour situation by recommending my personal fave: a bucket of bleach and ammonia. “You can't mix bleach and ammonia together!” she yelped. I've done it for YEARS and she's telling me what I can't do. Mum washed the kitchen floor with it. And this moron's telling me it can't be done. So I suggested 2, if not 3 buckets around the place. “I'll try one.” So I told her: “Just like everything else: you don't listen to anything anything because I'm not one of 'your people'... for which I than god, then you go do half-assed shit, like Vermonters all do, and then whine when it doesn't work. Fine. Pay your cronies another small fortune to do their bull-shit work. I tried. But like Dorothy Parker put it: You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think.” Personally? Anybody who'd take that place after the Twats isn't anybody one would want in one's house. But that's none of my business. As long as the shit they pull doesn't get pulled on the back porch up there. Let it roll! - And so, I tried to send 2 texts to Denis today, from Woodhauler... and called and left 2 messages about phone numbers and the likes. No replies, but that's OK. No prob. - Dinner... invite... 2 franks, some beans, a tiny bit of slaw and a corn. I've done the dishes (the machine won't be repaired until the 28th). I'm already on smoke number 8 for the day. Must cut it short! Try again tomorrow for the 7. - Feeling rather tired... and I could stand a shower... from the heat, but that's not happening so... - 22.43 More wasted time on the soc.med. But it's my way of communicating with people of intelligence... something sorely absent locally. Honestly, if not for soc.med. I'd be out of my mind completely by now. - Meanwhile, I wonder about the truck and whether or not there really is any expensive damage. Could it all be simply a loose hosing? If so, will they replace the water pump anyway and charge me for it? And, will they do the work expeditiously or take their time? Are they desperate for money? What if they charge me more than I have? Too many “ifs” running through my mind. How terrible; once upon a time I trusted Mike. Now? Not so much. It's not “him” per se. It's his merry band of “mechanics”... I don't trust THEM. But, there's only one way to learn: the experience. I'm pondering the possibility of taking the truck in on Friday morning and saying I've no ride... to sit there and wait, hoping my presence will speed things along. There's time to ponder that possibility. No sense worrying about it now. - Meanwhile, there's another fucking fly in this room tonight. It's been buzzing round my head for hours! I had to put the “compost bucket” out the door earlier. The stench of onion and such permeated the porch... my only ventilation. She's a fucking idiot! I almost hope to see the contents scattered all over the yard tomorrow. But I sprayed that “Zep” odour stuff earlier and it's lingering out there. Strong stuff. I'll have to get more. - Well... time to try for some “sleep” for the night. I'm a bit hungry. No munchies. I'd like a drink. Not enough. Oh dear me. Back to “that” stage of life. But at least I've enough to cover the cost of repairs on the truck... I should think. That's a HUGE difference from days of yore.

Mon.17.Sep: 8.04 I was up and down on and off through the night, with cramps, but no real spasms... BUT, I must have been in bed by 23.00... no meds, no booze, just off to bed, lights out and hope and drift and sleep until just before the 7.00 alarm this morning. And when I heard that, I turned it off and dozed until just before the 8.00 alarm. Sadly, it seems that if I don't do tele and such before sleep, I can... CAN actually sleep! Not perfectly, but not too badly. - I've already got 2 messages from Dorothy... about the weather. Temp down to 69F. I guess that's “cool” for her. (I just looked at the weather here... 70F Humidex of 84 thought.... 21/29. Same shit here as in Georgia!) Well anyway, I guess I'll have a morning smoke. The old thing's been up and about for a while now... making her presence heard on the back porch. MY TURN! You fucking miserable bits of shits. -
OMFG!!! I HAD A DREAM LAST NIGHT ABOUT BLOODY VERMONTERS! STUCK IN SOME HOUSE (like here), MISERABLE, JUST FUCKING MISERABLE, THE WHOLE BUSINESS OF THE DREAM WAS FUCKING MISERABLE!!!! (I'd all but forgotten about the dream.) AND SOMETHING ABOUT SOME SHIT-BAG TELLING ME THAT “THE NEXT THING TO GO ON THESE” (the truck) “IS THE CLONE.” WHAT-EVER THE FUCK THAT IS... I THOUGHT (in the dream). BUT IT WAS JUST MORE OR LESS A VENTING... A RANT... RAGE BEING SET LOOSE. THERE WAS A LOT OF CUSSING, SWEARING AND THE LIKES. I DON'T REMEMBER HOW IT STARTED, WHAT STARTED IT, NOR HOW IT ENDED... BUT IT WAS HOT, LOUD AND BOISTEROUS. (I wonder if I said anything in my sleep... not that I particularly give either a fuck or shit.)
SO... there we have it... a new day, sun-shine and shit, and we roll along. - 9 days of poverty to go.- 8.26 and I don't believe she's given the little ones breakfast! Yeah... and she's got Davie helping her with something this morning. Yesterday she told him, when he stopped by and she wasn't here, to deliver maple sugar, “I told Pam I'd come by at 9.30 to pick you up tomorrow.” What-ever. -
ALMOST FORGOT TO MENTION: WHEN THAT “JUSTIN” CAME BY TO LOOK AT THE FLAT YESTERDAY, SHE INTRODUCED ME AS “HE'S HERE TO DO THE HANDY-THINGS AROUND THE HOUSE.” Oh... indeed... just here to do the “handy-things around the house”. NOT, mind, that I mind that so much. As I've already told her “I'm not your 'friend'.” But... it's official. “Handy-man”... “care-taker”, “grounds-keeper”. Yep... Certainly not the person who's helping her keep this damned place. It's of no importance, really. - 8.44 in from smoke and I don't know why I'm up and about. But Dorothy's on a texting roll this morning. Photos and all. I wonder what THAT'S all about. (And I believe that little bit of cabbage from last night's dinner is knocking to get out. Oh well... another day.) - 9.39 and she's off on the road. (One thing I'm noticing these days is the dents and scratches on her truck. The old thing's ramming into just about everything out there. One of these days....) - 21.00 ON THE NOSE! AND I'M SUPER SCRUBBED FROM THE SHOWER, CLOTHES IN THE WASH, CLEAN JAMMIES and having a bit of cheese and a rye-rum-ginger... “erev Yom Kippur”.

But I WORKED my fucking arse off today! Took down that alder on the West side of the barn, took down 3 others along that fence back there. Clipped them and stacked them and all the while I took down the 3 others and clipped, I tried burning the stump from the first one. I STUNK when I came in this evening! Fire... old wood fire. STENCH! AND... Mme. went into her “I don't want you doing all that work!” fucking bull-shit. And when I said I could move the fence from behind the green-house round to the back fence for the garden? “I'm having Brad do that. He can get those old fence-posts out.” Seriously? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS WRONG WITH HER? IT'S SERIOUS AT THIS POINT... SERIOUSLY OFFENCIVE, INSULTING, ANNOYING AND IT SHOULD BE CONCERNING. W.H.A.T. THE A.C.T.U.A.L. FUCK IS W.R.O.N.G. WITH HER? I have absolutely NO clue as to what kind of shit she's pulling here, but I can say that I don't like it at all. This is general bulls-shit at it's finest. She wanted those trees down. And as they came down, she whined that she didn't want *ME* taking them down! WTF? Why NOT? So, at one point I told her: “If I don't do this, I'll walk my arse down to Enosburgh, spend money I don't have on a jug of vodka and spend the next 3 days sitting in this house in a drunk coma. Unlike others, I don't wallow and whine in my miseries. I work them out.” And then “I know that it will be better when I'm done, though I'll still be spoken of as a miserable bit of nasty shit. But, thankfully, the opinions of all the people in this town mean nothing to me because none of you knows anything about me, other than what I've chosen to make known. So others aren't up to the soil on the soles of my shoes, and their opinions don't matter to me at all. I do good work. That's what matters.” And so... she took a stroll over to the store as I worked and... brought me an ice cream bar! She and I had our ice cream as the old stump burned and she left for work... and I continued mine. I started at 12.16, finished at 18.16... the stump needs to be cut or axed or sawed down below ground-level, but the yard is all cleaned. Six hours of work... Gee, at the rates the locals charge... 30$ or so, there's 180$ right there. Though, with the way I work, it's an easy 360$. So anyway, I've paid my “rent” again. 300$ that she saves on kennels and Hallie-care, plus the 180... I've paid 480$ this month for my “rent”. I'm content. - After it was all done, I went to the yard to look and Hallie and Minou were out with me. I laid down on the grass and they both came to lay with me... Hallie, in the crook of my stomach and knees, Mimou at my hand. We laid there for several moments. It was SO incredibly delightful. Then we went for a walk round the house and came in... it was about 19.00. I ate left-over pasta, cold, and then, before I fell asleep on the recliner, headed for the shower! - Cleaned the tub. Brushed my teeth. And scrubbed, scrubbed, scrubbed the stench of smoke out of me! - It's already 21.25. But I'm in jammies, the wash is on spin. - It's fucking bloody 24° in this room tonight! I've put the fan back up in the door! And it's miserably hot! I wish I could open the fucking window, but I don't dare. It's Monday and the Twat's have been packing up there. (And as Mme. said: “it smells like animal”... so there's no telling WHAT kind of shit they've put in the trash... right out-side the fucking window.) - Anyway... no more messages from Dorothy today. None from Denis either. No complaints. I got a lot done... “accomplished”. - Sent photos to Mme. Just got a “Well done” and a little “applause” emoji. 'majijndat! - Anyway... clothes in the dryer. Time to wind-down. I have less than half my drink left. Hopefully it'll help knock me out and no spasms tonight. - Tomorrow? I shall endeavour to reach “At-one-ment” as I try to get that damned stump down below the ground level... and then... work on the other stump... and then... clean the fence... and then... and then... and then... Oh, fuck me!

Tue.18.Sep: YOM KIPPUR TONIGHT- 9.25 At 0.33, after 2 episodes of Miranda (re-viewed and recorded) and 2 rye-gingers, lights out. This morning at 8.07, I reluctantly got out of bed, after a night of SPASMS, and feeling the ryes, to let the little ones out and serve breakfasts. Then, a trip to the loo and I'm just in from putting the recyc out on this over-cast but warm morning. So... rye isn't good for spasms, nor for the “morning after”. It really isn't worth the “wind-down for sleep”. So? It's back to the muscle relaxers and on the 26th, a trip to Cowansville and Jean Coutu. That's that. - Other-wise, the only thing I can think of that I'd like to get done is that stump by the barn and to clean the remaining fence on that side of the yard. (I won't be moving the rest... not now, anyway). - Last night there were two last messages from Mme. One reads: “Thanks but enough is enough in the hot sun!” with reference to the work that was done on the trees. (“Do it because you can, not for the 'thanks'. There are no 'thanks'. said Mum. How so very spot-on she was... as usual.) The last one was in reply to my telling her that Schefferville was expecting snow over-night. (So claimed the video on Météo.) “Where's Schefferville?” she asked. Don't know your own geography. How sad... Mrs. Brilliant I Know All And Better Than You. I've taught her how to look things up on-line... she can't even retain that much. Oh well... The only relevant validation comes from with-in... And today is the day to reach “At-one-ment”. I endeavour... - As for anything else on the agenda... I have to find the tobacco and papers I packed! I truly can't remember where I put them and I'll be needed them, in short order. Oh well. - I also have to get rid of these “morning after blahs”. I could go right back to bed... but I probably wouldn't go back to sleep. I'm not sure which is worse: the rye blahs or the lack of proper rest because of the spasms. Oh... and my butt muscles are achy too. Too much work too soon? What-ever. - I hear rumblings in the house... Recycs from the Twats? Or, has some-one broken in? What-ever. No cause for any concern. - 18.54 THE FLOORS ARE DONE! THE STUMP IS COVERED! THE FENCE WAS TAKEN-UP, THE POSTS TOO, AND 2 POSTS WERE USED TO BURN THE STUMP BUT THE REST WERE PUT BACK IN. AND THE LENGTH OF THE FENCE THAT WAS RE-DONE IS WEEDED. THE REMAINING TREE IS PRUNED. THE HOLLYHOCKS ARE WEEDED. *!AND!* THE AREAS WHERE I'VE BEEN WORKING ARE MOWED. THE LITTLE ONES HAVE HAD DINNER. I ate the left-over pasta. I STARTED THE WORK ON THE STUMP AND FENCING AT 11.00... FINISHED THE WORK AT 15.00 AND IT TOOK A FEW MOMENTS AT ABOUT 17.00 TO COVER THE STUMP, AFTER HACKING AT IT WITH A DULL AX. BUT... DONE, DONE, DONE!!!! FUCKING SHIT-HOLE, THIS! DONE! And now... my hat is finished the spin cycle (it smelled of smoke again so it got washed again) and whilst the kitchen floor dries... I'm taking the little ones for their stroll. Let's see if I can't get a good night's sleep tonight. - I've taken a naproxen at about 16.00... my back hurt... so too, my butt. - 20.51 SHOWERED! SCRUBBED (again)! Even trimmed my face! Dishes done. Floors done. Walk with the little ones done. Message from the qunt: “It sure looks fantastic (smiley face)” I sent her a Spring photo of the area, 2 years ago, AFTER I'd cleaned it out... in preparation for the fucking chickens she was going to get and never did. (I wonder if I have any photos of it before I actually started THIS phase of cleaning... I'll have to look.) Anyway... “Don't do it for the 'thanks'. There are no 'thanks'.” - I'm clean. The clothes will be clean. Yom Kippur is upon us. “At-one-ment”. Indeed, I spent all day being “At one” and tomorrow, I shall do my best to observe... though I don't see starvation and the likes on the agenda. I need no “forgiveness” from anybody these days. If I've done “wrong” by any, it was in response to a wrong... 21.01 and the “pain meds and muscle relaxers” are finally kicking-in! My back's been HELL after all that work. 220mg naproxen, 200mg ibuprofen, 500mg methocarbamol... Damned shame it takes all this to “relieve” the pain. AND... I'm pondering a “light” rye and ginger anyway. I DO believe I've earned it. - As for the “atonement”? As I began to say, I've done nothing that requires “atonement”. I've done VERY good by ALL. I mean to say, even here, in this house: I've kept the old thing from being tossed into a “home” AND I've “recovered” the property that's lain wasted for so many years. Did I do HER gardening? No. But then, even “God” disapproves of those who allow themselves to be taken advantage of, abused. It was/is “HER” garden, HER choice, and I learnt well: SHE gets the notion... OTHERS are expected to do the work. That's not how Life works. I save her more money than she spends on having me here. None of my “accoutrements” are about the house. My presence is limited to this room... which *I* cleaned and made habitable. She mentioned that the flat up-stairs “smells like animal”. Ah yes? Well, the ONLY reason HER part of the house doesn't (most of the time, anyway) is because *I* clean it... TWICE WEEKLY... “to earn my keep”. And sure, there's the 100 bucks she tosses at me “for mowing the lawn, taking care of the little ones, helping her with the computer”... The lawn-mowing is STILL at least 300$ short... considering she paid the Twats 100$ for mowing ONCE monthly. So THAT requires no “atonement”... other than *I* have to forgive ME for being a “giver”. And the yard reclamations? It's HER property... HER house... as she's quick to remind me. So the improvements increase the value when SHE decides to sell. I'll get nothing from it. I don't want anything, but the fact is the fact. Anyway, it does no good to ponder. And it does no good to address it. The density of skull-matter round here is thicker than that old box alder stump I burned. - Speaking of which... THAT TREE WAS LOADED WITH THE BUGS AGAIN TODAY! SO TOO, THE CHOKE WEED ALONG THE FENCE! Well? I got rid of that too. Charming little fellow, me. - And so, off to a bit of soc.med. Perhaps a bit of “Miranda”. Maybe a “beverage”. And the HOPE for a fucking full-night of SLEEP tonight! NO SPASMS!!! (But I won't be unrealistic.)

Wed.19.Sep: YOM KIPPUR - 0.41 Three episodes of Miranda... a rye-rum-ginger... - 9.46 Up and out of bed at 7.50...gulp a coffee, open the door to let the little ones out, quick pee in the loo, serve breakfast to the little ones, strip the “linens” from a-top the cage where Minou eats (I'm thinking he might enjoy laying up there, at the window... besides... they NEEDED washing! since they haven't been cleaned since I put them there, almost a year, if not longer, ago.) and put them into the washer with “Lysol”. Then... BM time and a glance at “messages”. From Mme., last night at about 22.30: THEY WILL BE CHECKING ALL HOUSES FOR WATER LEAKS TOMORROW AND BOIL ALL FOR CONSUMPTION. Morons... more shit in the drinking water because the well is down. Never mind the “farmers” who use it at the expense of the town's folk. Never mind... we'll speak no more of. Next, clean the litter box into the garbage bag, gather trash from about the house. Get dressed, in clothes. Two bags of garbage to the curb. Back in to discover TWO BAGS OF CRUSHED TOMATOES THAT WERE LEFT ON THE KITCHEN “ISLAND”... FERMENTED TO ALMOST BURSTING! (I'd put them into the fridge but then realised that she'd cook them for “consumption” and NO... THAT was NOT about to happen so... down the toilet and into the septic they went. If she left them there, she'd forgotten them. Let's see if she asks after them.) And... wash the dishes that were in the drain-rack. I do that anyway because I know SHE doesn't know how to properly wash dishes. Clean the sink. Tidy. And the “linens” are in the dryer. - Meanwhile, I'm feeling rather like all Hell this morning. I think I slept “well-enough” through the night. And I should feel “rather” well-rested, after 7 hours. But my stomach's “off”, “sour” as it were, my back is “stiff” and a bit painful when I try to stand and move about. Of course, that's to be expected. (But the back yard looks MAHVELUS... Mme. “joked”: I won't recognise the place when I get back on Thursday. No, you probably wouldn't... it appears to be inhabited by proper-functioning adult humans... for a change. Anyway... so here we are at 9.57... Two hours after opening the eyes, and a “Vermonter's Day's-Worth of Work” all done. And to think I was wondering what I'd do with today. - It's “chilly” this morning too... grey. Quite “early Autumn”-ish. I'm in the sherpa as I type. But no complaints from me. Better a touch too cool than too warm... in this state of “health”. - Boiled a kettle of water and have a pot on the fire... just in case I “need” more coffee during the day. - Yeah... so much for the “denials of Yom Kippur”. I am “at one”... with self and “God”. I won't over-extend the rules-breaking of the day, but there are limits to things of this nature... and I DO have WORK that REQUIRES attending and being done, else, this place will become a Petri dish! - 16.40 With pain in the back, difficult to manoeuvre all day, I DID manage to get 39 images posted to the site-Journal for this year... Records of work done around the property, documented filthy fucking socks in the parlour, wasted cat food, the tomatoes of this morning, maggots in the kitchen bin. It's there... on-line now. I didn't bother to add them to the WPblog though. No interest in doing so and too painful. - Yom Kippur... worked a bit... ate a lot. Will be eating more in about 20 minutes... and then? I don't really know. Just too much pain in the back. Though, I have to admit, the pain isn't keeping me from doing anything. - It was a grey, cool, chilly day AND... NOBODY came to the house to check for leaking water lines... Mme. said she'd received word that “ALL” the houses in town were to be checked. (Maybe they skipped this one because they know I'm here? Fucking idiots. But I wasn't inconvenienced and that's all that matters to me. They'd best not come round at 17.00 though!) - And so... Journalling is current (save this paragraph, forward)! OK! What have ya done today to make ya FEEL PROUD? Well Ms. Heather... THIS. Thankya much and tah, kindly. - 20.38 Floors got Hoovered again. I can't find the tobacco I packed and it's pissing me off. And I just took a naproxen and am about to shower... fuck the “water shortage”. - Plants are back in and the radiator is running to warm the room. - I'm tired... I can only hope for sleep tonight. - Another day down... 7 more to muddle through.

Thu.20.Sep: 0.34 I was out of the shower at 21.00. Jammies re-washed, towel, flannel too. Tried for ONE episode of Miranda... THREE. And now I'm almost at the end of recording ALL available... AND... LATE TO BED AGAIN! - But, I've taken another naproxen... so... here's hoping... 8.00 will be round too fucking early. - 8.23 Slept through the night! Well shit! And woke this morning... “not bad at all”. And now... little ones are eating, I've been to pee, had coffee and am “on with the day” I suppose. Thank you caller. - 13.14 The day is rolling away! Spent on soc.med. Worse now with re-newed activity on a 2-year old gab account for Woodhauler. Three accounts simultaneously. - What did I need to do? Well... find tobacco, for one. But just received notice: Mme. claims to have been working until just now. Oh well. - Meanwhile... it's fucking cold and damp in the fucking house. Radiator on in here. - Back is a bit better today. - That is all... carry on. - 14.21 Tobacco? In the bag, and the bag in with my soaps and shampoos” in the “rack” on the wall... Easy access... STUPID! I'd started going through boxes! Dumb-ass, me. Papers? In plain reach, beside the bed, on the shelf. Yep... Dumb-ass. So I have it all... time to “roll”. - 16.31 Tobacco found. Rollies rolled. And all the paper-work that I want to keep handy (for reasons un-known, to be quite honest) are RE-filed in a new box on the table. Old papers are put aside... for the next “stump-burning”, once I find the wood to go with... or cut it all down m'self at some point. So there's an “accomplishment”. WHAT HAVE YA DONE TODAY TO MAKE YOU FEEL PROUD? Well, Ms. Heather Small... THIS SHIT! - And Mme. rolled in about an hour ago, started right in telling me all about HER day and what I don't care about and made no indication to the opposite. She DID go back to see the work I'd done, and didn't want to hear about the details. So... sod-off, old qunt. And now... she's asleep on the recliner. - It's to be a night with-out eating, I've no doubt... or... she'll wake at some point round about 20.00 and cook... or not. - No mention about bringing the truck to Mike's so I'm just in the mind-set to bring it tomorrow morning... and wait. It's supposed to rain tomorrow anyway so there'll be no work on the yard (like cleaning the remaining fencing and, perhaps, working on moving the other fencing to the back of the yard). I'll just have to make coffee and have done... sitting there. I've got 330$ if I use the light-emergency funds. I should think that should cover the expense. I was thinking that, if she were to bring me over tonight, and being me back tomorrow and I didn't have enough to cover the cost, I'd ask her to put the balance on one of her multitudinous cards. It shouldn't come to more than about 20$ more than cash-on-hand, and I could run up to the banque to get the money and pay her back immediately... noting, of course, on the repair receipt, that the funds were paid, in full, in cash. But... I doubt it should come to more than I have. So? So... On my own again... naturally. - I'm due for a nap now. It's mostly mental fatigue but a nap would be nice... Dinner for the little ones will have to wait... about 30 minutes or so. I know... rude. But life's life... and it always has some shit to sling at all of us. - 19.39 and... the sun has set, the dishes are done, the stove and counter-tops as clean as *I* get them. I was invited to dine on fettuccine with pesto, fish and green beans. And indeed, I DID eat. Dishes were the “dessert”. At least I know they're CLEAN! Dinner was at about 18.30. Not ridiculous. - Mme. is out walking with the little ones as I type. - Meanwhile, I remembered the 20 in the manual, the 20 in the passport and so, IF I MUST go into the 100 in the light, I've 370 for tomorrow's little fiasco. The only worry now? Getting there before all the coolant is gone. Other than that... and if I have to use the cash-on-hand, I can still get smokes to last until Wednesday! No to mention the rollies I have now. All this anxiety for... what-ever. - And I'm about ready to go to bed. I'd like a drink, was offered a beer and wine, but declined both. Naproxen tonight... though my back is so considerably better that nobody would ever know about yesterday's pain. - And so... all's done for another day. I can't wait to officially wrap it up. - Sunday is the first day of “Autumn”. Imagine. I SO HOPED to be SO FAR AWAY from here by then. But... I moved here in October... there's still a tiniest spark of HOPE.... - 21.25 Muscle relaxer taken and the house is dark. The evening went very well... and there was NO mention of helping tomorrow. So? I'll be sitting at the mechanic's tomorrow... for the duration. Typical. Gee... thanks. But there were thanks for having done the washing-up after dinner so I guess I should just “suck it up”. - One more episode of Miranda for the completion. It's an hour... I'm going for it. Hopefully tomorrow night... v-tons and Players again. Maybe (I won't push it though), munchies. And then... Saturday with-out anxieties! Life's little blessings. Amen. But hey! The time at the mechanic's is time away from the mayhem. Lettuce reJoyce... (her birthday is Wednesday). - 23.37 LOTS of soc.med. The “Trio”: Minds, Gab, Twitfux. Now... last smoke. I've got to be at Mike's at 9.30!

Fri.21.Sep: 7.15 and the 7.00 alarm “sang” (at 6.50) and I dozed... thinking... and at 7.05 got up. Stomach's in a bit of a bunch this morning, mostly because of the drive to Sheldon... I just don't want that engine to heat up. Sadly, the only way to avoid heating is towing and I'm NOT going to go that way. So? So... drive along it is... and hope that it isn't a matter of sitting in the shop all day... though I don't doubt they won't rush. We'll see how it al goes. And again... nothing will tell except “Time”. But I DID sleep through the night!!! Good news there! - 21.58 THE WINDS ARE HOWLING!!! THEY SAY THEY'RE AT 56km BUT IT SOUNDS AND FEELS LIKE ABOUT 90! IN FACT, AT ABOUT 19.05 IT TOOK DOWN ONE OF THE CEDARS IN THE BACK YARD! (THANKFULLY, I PARKED THE TRUCK BACK BY THE HOLLYHOCKS AND MOVED Mme's. BACK TO THE SIDE OF THE HOUSE... THOUGHTFUL ME... TRUTH BE, I WASN'T GOING TO BOTHER WITH HERS BUT...) IT'S BEEN LIKE THAT ALMOST ALL DAY NOW! (I'M SHOCKED WE STILL HAVE LIGHTS, BUT I DON'T DOUBT THEY'LL BE GONE DURING THE NIGHT AT SOME POINT. ESPECIALLY SINCE WE'RE SUPPOSED TO GET BAD STORMS. OH WELL... AT LEAST THE TRUCK'S BEEN AND BACK... AND SO TO THAT.) - I left here at about 9.15, over-filled the coolant and headed directly to Mike's. Mme. offered to go with... as she sat at table in nightie, filling her face. I just went on about my necessaries, with my umbrella that I'd bought when I'd first arrived in VT... at the Macy's on Church St., BTV, that no longer exists. Anyway... filled the thing and rode away. Got to Mike's at about 9.30 and... sat... Thankfully, they have WiFi and so... I got to text with Dorothy for a while... learning many things about the “family” that, well, make me sick but honestly, it's too late to “correct” anything at this point in life. Gran'pa was a shit-bag, incestual paedophile with Aunt Sis, Donna and Dorothy. Tim's more an “Albright” than anything much else. Oh well.. So Dorothy and I decided we'd “talk” one of these days. (I hope I have good WiFi in this shit-hole for that!) And then I did a bit of soc.med. with the extra time. It rained for most of the time. Round about 11.30-ish the truck was ready... 382,68$!!!! NEVER MIND THE 225 I WAS QUOTED! THEY FOUND “SERPENTINE BELTS” THAT NEEDED REPLACING, AND THE WATER PUMP WAS 147,89, NOT THE 125,00 QUOTED. IT TOOK 2 HOURS LABOUR!!! I GAVE AL THE 229 IN BILLS, THE DOLLAR IN QUARTERS PLUS THE 100 FROM THE KEY-LIGHT AND (58-SOMETHING US CAME TO 69,85 FROM CIBC!) BUT IT'S PAID! (Nice thing? I've got about 70 in the banque so I can get 3 packs of smokes and 40 in the “emergencies” so I can get a bottle of VODKA! AND some tonic... and probably will... tomorrow... Saturday or not!) - And so, I rolled back in at about 12.30-ish... about a quarter tank of gas in the truck but I made it back and all's well... thus far. I've made a spread-sheet with expenses and totals... I've put in 3143,11 thus far, bringing the “value” of the vehicle up to 6138,11... which is about 1k short of the “book value” I saw on-line! - (JEEZUS!!! THE WIND IS LITERALLY SCREAMING OUT THERE! MÉTÉO SAYS IT'S UP TO 59kmh AND I SAY AT LEAST 90 NO MATTER WHAT!) - So... it's been an investment. Now... the gauge cluster and radio... the rockers... and a bit of rust work. And the constant hope that NOTHING MAJOR goes wrong from now on ... for a while! I need to recuperate... financially!!! - So this evening at about 18.30... egg-plant parmesan... egg-plant and tomato from the garden (where the wind's knocked over another trellis again, but I ain't a-worryin' 'bout it at all). We both had HEALTHY portions. It really was quite good, though a bit of it tasted rather bitter (and I'm jut back from the squirts in the loo... I wonder). - After dinner, because the skies were clear, the WIND is really quite lovely-warm, Mme. went out with Hallie “for a walk around the block” (yeah sure) and I washed our dishes AND the ones she used to cook with... but called her-self washing... and she doesn't because she doesn't use dish soap... and she'd put them up... even the ones she let Hallie lick! CLOROX and dish detergent and they're all in the drainer. (Yes, I got thanked... but fukkitall anyway.) - And so, at about 21.00 or so, the electric flickered, the TV went out (of course... cheap shit), Mme. went to bed and here I am... waiting to empty the vodka into a glass with the rest of the tonic... AT LONG LAST! Too bad... no munchies but that's fine! - THIS DAY IS DONE! The truck has more new parts. At this rate, I'll have a new truck in an old body soon, but at least things are being repaired and I'm not just letting it sit there and rot. “Responsible” of me... amazingly so. - Tomorrow... Mme. will be leaving at either 7.00 or 8.00 and won't be back til evening. YAY! Then Sunday... and she'll be out for church and says she got some sort of social thing to attend. YAY! again. Me? Maybe I'll get to talk with Ev. Or Denis. Or Dorothy. Or... I'll just take the day for me! (It depends on how the smokes last.) - So for now... time for a quick smoke in the wind, check to make certain the truck is OK... jammies, v-ton... MAYBE that episode of Miranda that I didn't get to see last night, and then? HOPEFULLY SLEEP! (I did take a nap for an hour this evening though... just collapsed into DEEP dreaming sleep where I dreamt I was sleeping and dreaming and the dreaming me wouldn't get up and the sleeping me had some-where to go to but needed the dreaming me to wake up... and all the while *I* was aware of all of this, even in my sleep, and the some-where was to the mechanic and when I actually woke, I wasn't quite certain that I'd gone to Mike's this morning and had to double-check with the receipt! OK! Let's talk “Break-down”. - Time to toddle... it's 22.26 already.

Sat.22.Sep: 9.03 The house is still. Mme. is out. I slept-in until only mere moments ago. Don't quite know when I got to sleep last night/this morning, probably round 1.00 as usual. But by 8.46 the lap-top was running. - Oh... and I'm “Goodwill” booted this morning. Quite interesting. Under the Adidas. - Had coffee, smoke. The little ones were, I'm supposing, by the presence of food in Mimou's dish, fed. So... this morning is running along. Let's see how the rest of it goes. - Last night, the winds stopped and the rains started. Something must have been quit raucous because the sun-flowers are snapped, the earth is wet. But the sun is out this morning, remnants of clouds. Not “too” chilly” but not “hot” and not really “warm”. Tomorrow... the first day of “Autumn”... and Sukkoth. And time rolls on. - I caught an article on-line, last night: October, there's supposed to be some kind of Microsoft grand change. Of course, computer owners have no choice in the matter and the up-dates are supposed to pull all sorts of space on drives... If there isn't enough space available, Microsoft will wipe out files! So! This means that I MUST get my files OFF this lap-top, or lose too fucking much... AGAIN! How I do despise, hate, loathe and abhor the invasions. - Meanwhile... I've got the day ahead, and decisions to make about it and how to best utilise the time. Laundry... “me”... what-ever will be, will be. - 14.30 AND... jammies washed, my room, Hoovered, clothes in the rinse cycle, me showered, some water boiled for the little ones, 2 bottles of water for me, (the water IS chlorinated too... it's obvious, just by opening the tap... hello Newburgh), *** A.N.D. *** THE FUCKING CEDAR IS TRIMMED DOWN TO WHERE IT MUST BE CUT WITH A CHAIN-SAW!!! LIMBS AND BRANCHES GONE. AND THE REMAINDERS HAVE BEEN “MOWED” AWAY! THE SUN-FLOWERS THAT WERE KNOCKED DOWN IN THE STORM LAST NIGHT? CLIPPED AND PUT INTO THE CART TO DRY. And all that done from since about 11.00 or so this morning. I've got a bit of egg-plant in the nuker. I'm hungry. After that? Not sure. But... I WORKED ON MY “SABBATH”!!! SO I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANY SHIT FROM THE QUNT ABOUT ALL THE WORK SHE DOES... CHRISTIAN HYPOCRITE! (YES, I'M SICK OF HER SHIT... AND THEIR SHIT. JUST SICK AND TIRED OF IT ALL.) - But... THAT'S WHAT I'VE DONE TODAY TO MAKE ME FEEL PROUD! - 16.25 NAP TIME! - 23.16 Good thing I ate lunch today... Mme. rolled in at about 18.45, passed a comment about the work done in the back, asked who removed the limbs from out front (as if... Really? I told her “The only nigger in town.” and left it at that.) and mentioned something about late lunch. I went about my business... Sat a bit in the living-room to watch a bit of TV, chatted just a bit about general shit. By 21.30, all were in their respective rooms. - I've been on the “triple soc.med.” since, having the best time on Minds tonight. REALLY wonderful folks there. Wit, sense of humour, intelligence, awareness... Gab's getting better too, I must say. Twitter? Same shit... whine, whine, whine. Oh well. - Anyway, off to last smoke. No tele tonight and no v-ton/munchies. Tomorrow? Hopefully, trip for smokes and v. (and munchies). Mme. rang her Bradley to come chain-saw the cedar trunk and mentioned being “home most of the day tomorrow”. I hope not! She also mentioned something about the cold weather and not being able to take Hallie swimming. What-ever. I'm hoping to be away whilst she's here and here whilst she's away. We shall see. - Muscle relaxer time. My right leg's had spasm twice already as I sit here. Could be the cold coming up from the floor... but the radiator's on... half... and there's a chill in the room. Hmmmm.... Oh well.... what-ever. Just so long as the damned thing keeps working, I'll be OK. One of these days I should get one of my own... for the place of my own... which WILL come!

Sun.23.Sep: (Sukkoth) 8.21 and another almost 8 hours of “sleep-time”, save the 2 short and not so severe leg spasms. And I'm up, pee'ed, coffee'ed and feeling “not really very too well”. A touch tired, a touch nauseous, willing to bet it's that egg-plant with the “rubber cheese”, and certainly not looking forward to ... “Madame”. - Meanwhile, the Twats' Koba is storming up and down my wall... the stairs... and so, another day begins. Well, at least there's no obligation of lawn-mowing. Last evening I said I'd be happy to mow... AFTER THEY LEAVE AND WHEN THEY'RE GONE. (And when SHE gets more gasoline.) No arguments. Matter closed. So... - I've got smokes to get (down to the last half pack here) and maybe a bottle of vodka (not sure yet) and hopefully the truck will run perfectly well and fine. I didn't get my “day off” yesterday... I shall TAKE it today. - Now... if only I could get rid of this “odd, not well” feeling nonsense. - On with the day. I've also got to clean my files and back everything up! - 22.50 And it turned to quite the rather nice(ish) day (considering it was spent, for the most part, in Shitholia). I DID get into the truck... for 50 MILES... Must have been round about 14.00 when I left... headed to Swanton for gas. (Only 10$ left on the card but a half tank in the truck so that's OK. I'll replace the card though... for emergencies.) First stop... LIQUOR STORE! A 750ml 100 proof Smirnoff... to carry me through Wednesday. It was on sale and only 1$ more than the 80 proof so... Fine. Then to Hannford's. Mme. gave me a 10er to get snacks for Hallie. Of course... She'd gone to church in Enosburgh, brought Hallie and didn't bother herself. Fine. They didn't have anything of any “value” anyway, so I got a bag of crisps and a bottle of tonic (with the 4$ change.) Oh, I spent the “emergency” 20 on the vodka... and crisps and tonic. Oh well. - Then to get 20$ gas and... off to Bedford! 2 packs of smokes and on to Metro (I HAD to have something to use as cause at customs). 4 apple turnovers (I WAS STARVING), a jar of peanut butter, box of Weetabix, back of “Wunderbar Minis” (not bad... crunchy peanut butter in chocolate... not a “fave” but served the purpose of sugar for the ride back to Shitholia) and a bottle of tonic (can never have too much tonic). Well! THAT all went VERY well indeed, and I still have about 23$ in the banque (until Wednesday, when I'll put money back in). And back to the “home” in time to see that fellow “Justin” leaving with his 2 daughters who, I see, are hardly the “quiet” children. Of course, I walk in and Mme. is all set for him to take the flat... He brought all the papers, but I suggested she check before jumping into anything... She won't, of course. So if she ends up with trash again... it's HER house. I can't care. - It was already going for 17.00 and at about 18.00 we sat at table for a burger, some beets, a bit of cole slaw. It was good. I had just enough to say “I had”. And the evening rolled into the night. A bit of TV until about 20.30 and we all retired. - As I was out driving, I backed ALL of my files to the external. There's some sort of “up-date” from Microsoft to come in October and since we have no choice, and there's a threat of losing files... (I fear I've deleted SO many photos though... I needed space on the external... I have to buy another one now... and I'm dreading that I've deleted just about every photo I had on the lap-top that I'd put on the external. Well, it won't be the first time I've lost just about everything. But at least I've backed-up what I've been accessing of late.) - And OH... SHE STARTED A FIRE IN THE STOVE THIS AFTERNOON! IT ACTUALLY GOT TOO COLD IN HERE FOR HER! But she said she's not using oil until the 15th October. What a piece of work. Hey! I'm not going to be sitting in here, cold. Nor are the little ones. So she can do what she wants... I'll do what I must. - And so, I've pissed away the early hours on soc.med. And now? After all my sugar intake today... I'm about ready to just pass out. - Another day has passed. Tomorrow, I think I'll try to load the truck with the tree-cuttings and such and bring them to the “green barn”... use the truck for what trucks were invented to do. - 23.18 Just checked the external. The images are there... under a “Clean-Up”. OK then... I can relax. (Maybe one v-ton.)

Mon.24.Sep: 8.41 and wanting to just go back into the bed and back into dream-land. I'm in no mood to be up and about this morning. No hung-over. I did have a truly light v-ton and some tele. Was in bed by 0.55 (so let's call it 1.00, shall we?) 7 hours of “sleep” should be fine enough. But I'd just REALLY like to not be awake right now... Maybe after Mme. and the Twat up-stairs are gone... but not now. - Sunny sky tough. (9.10 Just got carried away on sat.view of this shit-hole... looking for the “green barn” and all the little brooks and streams that carry all the shit and filth round and about the hole.) SO! She's still stoking the stove, making sure to burn EVERY BIT of the fire-wood in the kitchen before she leaves today. (QUNT!) And it's 7° out there this morn. So let's be on our way and speak no more of. - 11.24 Brad came by, on crutches, torn ligaments or something, and with-in all of about 15 minutes, has the cedar trunk cut down. INCREDIBLE! Chain saw. 15 minutes. Done. (Now... I wonder what she'll pay HIM for the work. To be seen.) So? I've something to keep me busy. - This morning, she brings the old lease for up-stairs to my attention. “I think I'll have Peter look at this.” I suggested she read, make notes, change and amend and such. “I won't have time.” She's really quite the dumfuk. Oh well... nothing I can do about it. - 18.46 MIGRANE WATER-EYES!!!! JUST TOOK A NAPROXEN AND AM HOPING THE WATER-EYE WILL GO AWAY... AND QUICKLY! - BUT... WHAT A FUCKING DAY!!! Brad left and I, in my regular clothes, not even taking time to put on the “work clothes” went right to CLEANING THE YARD!!! One truck-load of the shit piled against the back fence... WHILST THE STUMP BEGAN TO BURN. Up the road to the “Green Barn” where there was a smouldering mound of ash... onto which I added a truck-load of Box Alder! YAY ME! Into the truck, back to the shit-hole to stoke a bit more round the stump AND, WITH THE ASSISTANCE OF THE QUNT, PUT THE BEAN TRELLIS BACK UP! THEN... the cedar clippings, which came to another truck-load and back up the road to the “Green Barn” where the Box Alder was almost gone! The cedar took flame almost immediately! - THAT DONE... THE FUCKING YARD, CLEANED, I stopped at Pammie's to see the store and to see the old qunt standing on the porch as if she had NOTHING to do! So I chatted a bit, looked about the “store” and we all departed... me in the truck, Mme. and Hallie, walking. (I was NOT about to put the dog into the truck!) Back at the hole, I took some limbs from the cart and hand-sawed more fire-wood for the stump whilst Mme. did what-ever the fuck it is that she does to fucking piss-away time. As I worked, she came to leave, telling me that she'd left the blankets for Mimou and Hallie in the dryer. “I just don't have the time to wait for them.” Yeah... you fucking retard. WHAT-ever. So she left... must've been about 17.00. I tidied the yard, put the hay cart into the barn and the “BBQ” as well... out of my way, and came in to get dinner for Mimou and Hallie. WHAT A FUCKING MESS IN THE KITCHEN AND... SHE WENT THROUGH MORE THAN HALF OF THE FUCKING FIRE-WOOD!!! AND THE STOVE IS STUFFED WITH FUCKING PAPER ASH AGAIN! A DOG-FOOD TIN IN WITH THE FUCKING PAPER BY THE WOOD-STOVE! SHIT IN THE KITCHEN SINK! Well? If it's in my way for cleaning? It's in the garbage on Wednesday. No more “Home Nursing Care” for THIS old retard. - WHAT HAVE I DONE TODAY TO MAKE ME FEEL PROUD? CLEANED SOMEBODY ELSE'S PROPERTY AGAIN! - Now... as the naproxen takes, I'm off to the store for my pizza... with the last of my “Emergency” cash. Wednesday, I'll replenish with an extra 100. And... meanwhile... FUCK THIS PLACE. - I'm SO looking forward to tonight's v-ton! - 21.13 SCRUBBED CLEAN! WOOD-STOVE, STUFFED! HOOVERING, DONE! I had a small pizza... the WHOLE pizza for “meal” AND half container of ice cream... some “Maine Lobster” shit... but it's caramel cups, chocolate “crispy” shit and vanilla ice cream. Not bad... Not plain vanilla, which is what I wanted but can't have because the fucking store won't carry enough of it. But there! And the little ones are in... in the living-room. My smokey clothes are in the wash. I'm “sparkly”. This day is DONE, DONE, DONE! - I rang Denis from the 50729 number (Woodhauler)... Immediate voice-mail. I wonder. But I left a message. - So this day is “complete and I'm good with where I am at present. -

IT JUST OCCURED TO ME: WHILST AT PAMMIE'S TODAY, I MENTIONED THAT I'D GONE PAST WITH A TRUCK-LOAD OF DEBRIS FOR THE “GREEN BARN” AND THOUGHT THAT I SHOULD STOP IN AND SEE THE STORE (SINCE SHE WAS OPEN TODAY). ON MY SECOND TRIP PAST, I DECIDED TO STOP, SINCE I WAS ALREADY THERE. NOW... SINCE PAMMIE, SOME OTHER WOMAN (THE PASTOR'S WIFE, I WAS TOLD) AND THE OLD QUNT WERE ALL ON THE PORCH WHEN I ARRIVED, THEY *MUST* HAVE SEEN ME DRIVE BY. SO JUST AS I WAS SAYING THAT I'D CLEANED THE YARD OF THE DEBRIS, THE OLD QUNT JUMPED IN TO TELL OF THE FELLED CEDAR AND HOW BRAD CAME BY, WITH CRUTCHES AND A CHAIN SAW, AND CUT THE TREE (*NO* MENTION OF MY WORK, CLIPPING IT ALL DOWN TO THE TRUNK). “TYPICAL VERMONTER.” SAID PAMMIE. THE OLD QUNT DERAILED *ALL* REFENCE TO *ANY* WORK I'D DONE!!! AGAIN!!! AS SHE DOES... DID... HAS DONE... ALWAYS!!! WHAT A FUCKING PIECE OF TOTAL, UNADULATERATED ... LESS-THAN-USELESS SHIT!!!

Imagine... Oh, meanwhile, she told Pammie to take down the little advert card for the flat up-stairs. “I've done the checking” (she has NOT) “and it all looks good.” Yeah? Meanwhile, she's conniving about ways to get out of giving the Twats their security deposit back. She wants ME to look-up how much it would cost to “fumigate” the place so she can charge them that amount. TRUTH? SHE HASN'T GOT THEIR MONEY! Yeah? Well, wouldn't it be horrific if they just happened to find out about her plotting? Gee... yeah... they could SUE her for it... and me? I wouldn't appear in court for the “landlord's” side again. Nope. Well... we'll see how it rolls. As the old expression goes: The enemy of my enemy is my friend. It's a matter of “Who is hated more?” and at this juncture? Well... the qunt can afford trips to here and there (and will be taking one at month's end to Florida... again). Me? I have to worry this week and spend money I'd saved for emergencies. She spent THEIR security deposit, which, by law, she had NO LEGAL right to do. So? By the law... it's “Tough Shit Toots” to Mme. “This is MY house”. As I've tol her, repeatedly, “I am NOT your 'friend'”. And as she introduced me to her new tenant, Justin, I'm the one who “does handy jobs around the house”. Well... Here's a “handy job” I'll be doing, up-holding the law. I told here “I'm not your 'friend'.” I also told her “I'm not your 'enemy'... yet.” But I've also warned her “Sometimes you get out of Life, what you put into it.” I've been fucked-over MORE than enough. I put my faith and trust in “Karma”. The day will come. I might not live the perfect life, but I'm certainly NOT deserving of abuse. - Anyway, it's time for a v-ton... a bit of tele... the clothes are on the rinse.

Tue.25.Sep: 9.23 Up and not feeling very well! Lights went out at 1.50 after TWO v-tons of almost regular portions. NOT GOOD! THAT was the 100 proof, not the “regular”, and, although I did “slept” through the night, the morning isn't worth it... not for only 7 hours “slept”. No, indeed. Draggy. Woozy. And saggy-faced this not-so-cold and grey morn. Warning! Warning! Danger, Will Robinson. Let's not try THAT again. Had it not been for the call of Mimou, I'd still be in the bed! Oh well and alas. Although, stuffing a pizza and some ice cream in, all at once, probably didn't help matters much, if at all. I've a feeling this is going to take some time to “wear off”. OK. Fine... “Time” again. - Supposed to rain at some point today. This morning, there's too much wind to start burning that stump. So? The agenda? No agenda. Just no agenda. And that's all well... and fine... with me. The yard is cleared. The lawn can't be mowed... no gas. And I've no particular place to go to or be at. “Dor, dor mon bébé...” Or something of the sort. - 20.57 and fresh jammies, fresh bed-linens, freshly-showered me... Fresh! All that's left to do is close the living-room, toss some wood on the fire and this day is DONE, DONE, DONE!!! - News du jour: At about 18.00 or so, Mrs. Twat came into the drive, got out of her car and, as I had my smoke, called in glee “I'm a 'home-owner'!” The closing went through today. She's up-stairs running the washing machine (which is why I'm showered... before the hot water disappears). Mr. Twat and the little Twatlettes are in the house, “cleaning”. They'll be packing and moving during the week. It will be strange, being in the house alone for about a month... although, I've a feeling it won't be that long. My guess is that Mme. Qunt will try to rush the cleaning and painting for the flat and pull her “new and un-vetted” tenant into the place ASAP. She's SO starved for money! Well? I now MUST get my finances BACK to where they once were, ASAP, and get the actual fuck out of here. Meanwhile? I'll just hope she gets what she deserves... for being belligerent and nasty with me for these years. Gee, I wonder if HE'LL mow her lawn, tend her garden, stack her fire-wood, clear trees, maintain the fucking shit-hole, watch her dog, wash her dishes, make sure she doesn't burn the place to the ground. I wonder. - (21.08 After a day of calm... the pounding up-stairs commences. I've been anticipating this. They can't pack quietly. The can't even BE in a place quietly. It's going to be an interesting night ahead.) - Tomorrow? I've decided NOT to go to Walmart for Hallie snacks. I'm aware of what this ploy is: I've bought food for the little ones before and now it's expected. SHE can find time to get to Costco for shit... and I over-heard her making all sorts of “social engagements” for Thursday. Yeah? Well... got time for social engagements? You've got time to attend to the little ones you've taken-in. I have MY responsibilities. (Of course, I won't EVER see those little ones go hungry, but... imagine her, when she returns to no snax.) - It was a rather wasted day, I should say. Except... I rang Denis (and got voice-mail) AND I rang Dorothy! (And got voice-mail.) Left messages for both. No return calls. No big deal. I was just passing time anyway. - The stove got “cleared” a bit and new wood put in and brought in... FOR ME! I'm NOT adding to the wood in the kitchen. Tomorrow's supposed to be warm (and rainy) so I might not need the stove. But for now, it's about warming these walls. And I napped for an hour. - “Meal”... I cooked rice, tossed in the stale garlic bread as it cooked, added left-over pasta, mushrooms and the minced beef. It tasted horrid... but it's “edible” and there we have it. Finished the ice cream after. - Other than that? Nothing, really. Just a “lolling” sort of day. - And now... a little thought:
Mme. and others have always been quick to refer to a place as “MY HOUSE”. Well, MY THOUGHT on THEIR HOUSE is as follows:
If one has a mortgage on one's house, and one fails to pay on said mortgage, the banque or other financial lending institution will TAKE “YOUR” house because... it's “THEIR” house, NOT “YOURS”.
If one's house is on a piece of property in a municipality where taxes are to be paid and one fails to pay said taxes, the municipality will put a lien on the house. If taxes aren't paid, after a while, the municipality will TAKE “YOUR” house because... since taxes are NEVER “Paid In Full”... “YOUR” house is actually “THEIR” house.
Even if one's house has been “Paid In Full”, there will ALWAYS be SOME sort of tax due to somebody else. Taxes are NEVER “Paid In Full” and so, one's house is NEVER “YOUR” house... it's ALWAYS under threat of being taken by somebody else... “YOUR” house is ALWAYS “THEIR” house... no matter who “THEY” may be.
This said... SHE can take HER house and shove it up HER cunt along with HER threats and such. I've come to understand the machinations of all of this, but I KNOW, for a fact, that NO matter of presentation will EVER bring her to the point of even close proximity to even the most remote sense of comprehension. That said, my points are stated. This entry is done. Time to roll along to closing the house for the night and getting to something pleasant... like A (ONE) v-ton and perhaps an episode or two of “QI” tonight. Something Brit... something light... something enjoyable. (Tomorrow, I've got a mission and an agenda... and of course, tonight, the anxieties of surprise thefts of what little income I actually have.)

Wed.26.Sep: HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOYCE! - 0.56 FUCKING SHIT-BAGS. NOT ONLY DO THEY THROTTLE THE INTERENT... THEY LITERALLY CUT IT OFF!!! Watching Jack Whitehall and the fucking net goes DEAD! Doesn't even show on availables! Fucking shit-bag fuck-off wanking in-breeds. - (PS: 1,5 v-tons in.) - I wonder how much my soc.sec. will be at 1.00. Fucking buggered in-bred wankers. - 8.34 Soc.Sec. there. I should RUN... but just getting up. - 9.48 Slow-moving morning here. “Routine” is done, save 2nd coffee. - Lights out at 1.37. Up and about at about 8.20. My back is “stiff” for some reason, stomach is “off”, head is “distant”, and the rest of me? Well... could be better. Garbage needs to go out. Errands need to be run. It's actually quite comfortably warm this morning, but the wind is picking up, the sky is grey. Must have rained during the night because the barn is soaked. The house is calm (for now). Nobody in but the little ones and me. Lovely. But I've got to get out of here and on the road. Still debating whether or not to get Hallie-nibbles. I should... and keep them to myself, in the room, and something for Mimou too. Keeping them out of sight and reach so they won't just get tossed about. Hopefully, as I get moving about, my body will settle and things will roll smoothly. (I think I'm at the on-set of another “migraine” episode in the eye. Oh... always something. Last night I had calm anticipation of rolling along today. I should know better.) Well? May as well just get moving... “Kadima”, as I used to live by. What-ever will be, will be. - 13.25 ERRANDS... FUCK!!! Left at about 11.30, in the rain, and off to St.Albans for the TD at the “Highgate Commons” (Hannaford's, &c.) where... NO FUCKING INSIDE ATM! ONLY THE DRIVE-UP! But, since I wanted to get the 2 100s for “Emergency”, I didn't want to have to do the out-side ATM and then go into the banque SOOOOO..... wasted THAT time and gas. Off to the bottle return... for 1,08$ big fucking woop. Still... no empties (again... for now). And I was feeling like total SHIT! But the rain had let up and so... off along the 105 to Enosburgh! TD, ATM, all but 75-cents off the card AND the 2 100s! Very nice. AND the 2 20s extra emergency. Very, very nice. Next, across the road for 40$ into the gas tank which brought it up to the “full” mark! I'm tickled. But SO bloody tired after the anxieties of it all (anticipatory, at best). So, instead of heading right to the banque to deposit, I'm back at the “home”... with only the little ones. The Twats, it seems, are gone for the day. Mrs. is probably at work, Mr. and the little Twats, at the “new house”, no doubt. And... as I type, I hear the rains returning. But that's NO complaint! (I wish I could think of a place to put the plants in the rain.) - DONE... for now. Now to have a nap and figure what to do for “meal” later. Tomorrow? Banque. But for right now: DONE. - 21.46 Floors done. Stove cleaned and re-lit (to keep the dampness down... it's actually quite pleasant, temperature-wise). I ran to the store to replace the half'n'half I had with Weetabix, for lunch, and the ginger ale I had during the week. Chicken fukktiz for “meal”, ice cream after. Hoovered. The place it together... as much as it will be. And now? Time for shower and beddie-bye. I doubt there'll be any vodka-tonics tonight. I'm exhausted. And tomorrow... banquing. So? On with the end of the show! - (Funny: She's gone and I get rid of the flies. She comes back and they all seem to come in with her. I guess it's because they know she'll feed them... and their maggots... just as she supports ALL the maggots in town... county... state.) - 22.47 MUCH MUCH MUCH LATER THAN I'M HAPPY ABOUT BUT SHOWERED... BEARD TRIMMED A BIT... CLOTHES IN “QUICK” CYCLE. DAY IS DONE! - 22.54 Funny shit, this: The Twats are gone tonight. It's just me, in this 2-storey house, with Hallie and Mimou. Me... alone. It's going to be like this when Mme.'s not here. Just rather some-what like Richford. Imagine THAT! Another Winter in a large house, alone. Strange and rather freaky. But in Richford, I didn't have to worry so much about the general bull-shit. There wasn't anybody “hating” me or others. Nobody to whine about heat and water and the likes. Sure, I'm sure Silas had a few nasties to banter about about me but NOTHING the likes of THIS old thing here. AND... the town didn't HATE me. Oh well... More incentive to GET THE FUCK OUT! - Anyway... wash is done.

Thu.27.Sep: 0.55 LAST SMOKE! LIGHTS OUT! - 8.04 It's not about the vodka, necessarily. Last night, I had ONE... with a legit shot, over a period of about 90 minutes. This morning? I feel like SHIT! Some of the pain is in the left side of the neck. Some of it is round my waist/lower back. But, other-wise... it's general, ad generally the way it is whether I drink or not. So there we have it. - Oh... and it's a clear morning... 9°! After yesterday being about 19° at the same hour. Good thing I brought my plants in last night... Eh? - 10.22 It's turning into another one of those “episodic” mornings: pain in the left side of the neck and the general feeling of “just not quite here”, a bit “woozy”, and pain down the left arm. This morning, a quick “on-set BM” seemed to have relieved some of the general malaise, but now... we're off and flying. Well, I think, I'm sure many have lived long enough with similar or worse. “Time”... it's the only way to actually “know”. - Meanwhile, I'm going to take a quick shower this morning, get cleaned and ready for the trip to the dép this afternoon. No particular rush. Mme. has “appointments” this afternoon so I know she won't be rolling in any time too soon. I just want to get the deposit done. - It's still a bit chilled out there in the sun-shine. The kitchen door is open. No fire in the stove. And I'm NOT going to bring in any more fire-wood. She won't put the heat up in the house? Fine. Let her deal with what-ever the place gets to be. I've resolved to do as I must, to keep this little room comfortable. After all... for all those years (and those to come), she'll cover the expenses of her “tenants”... and, according to law, I share the same rights. I doubt she'll want to appear in a court... again. And if Peter's worth anything, he'd advise her accordingly. - Oh... I do hate being in this situation. I wish the income would be higher and quicker. But... just as I had to tolerate the Shelter... so too... these days. The Shelter was an excellent teacher. - 12.49 Showered and almost dressed. Just passed some time, trying to figure out how best to cross back and forth. Pondering a stop in Sutton. I could catch the pharmacie there, maybe stop at IGA. But there's a stretch of dirt road, if I take the quickest. I don't much like those these days. But... - Meanwhile, I'd like, most of all, to just go back into bed... to sleep. It's that “episodic” business. Alas... I shall sally forth. Sally, sally, sally. - 16.09 Arrived back at the shit-hole about 20 minutes ago and “her” truck is in the yard, back open, over-night tote there. She's on the recliner, whining about Mimou meowing. I glanced at the Kav hearing and came to the room. Fuck her! Really! Like SHE'S the ONLY one who's tired. - Today's trip? WELL! - I left something shortly after 13.00. (Oh... Mme. says she arrived shortly after 13.00 so she must have rolled in as I rolled out. Good that the little ones weren't alone for too long. Timing was good.) Headed up the road and realised that I'd forgotten my phone... in case there were photos to be take. Rolled round the Square Rd. and back into the drive, into the house, grabbed the phone and back on the road. At the border, the same gal as usual. No real questions, scanned my card and off I went, up the Dutch all the way into Bedford to the banque where I was greeted kindly as always (in English today). Deposit done, I was off to the 202 East-ward toward Dunham and, ultimately, Bedford! Stopped at the dép where the young gal knew, as soon as I said, “Bonjour, j'voudrais 5 paquets d....” “Players Bleu?” she replied. I had to smile. I'm a “regular in Bedford now. So I asked if it would be cheaper (in French) by the carton and she scanned. Well... instead of 5 for 72CAD (roughly) the carton (8) came to 108. I splurged! (I figured, the packs are 79-cents cheaper this way! I'll have smokes for a longer period of time... but today, when I got back into the truck, it was a matter of what to do with 8 packs... just in case I got “searched”... I'm rather due for one.) Anyway... All went delightfully well and I was ON THE ROAD to Sutton! - Ah, but today, I took a new route: via the ch. Favreau! I'd checked it on the Ggl map and noticed that there's a stretch, just out-side Dunham-proper, that's dirt, but decided I'd give it a try anyway. Believe it... the dirt part of about 4miles, was smoother driving than the paved! And it was quite lovely. Would have been nicer had it been smoother. But it was a delight, save the bumpiness. At one point, in the middle of almost no-where, a sign: “Ville de Sutton”. Yeah? “Ville” eh? More like “wood-lands”. So cute. “Such fun.” At the end, it becomes ch. North Bedford and paved again... and HORRID, bumpy! Still, nice little drive, through the “rurals” until it met the 139. That's where the shit hit. (A NOTE HERE: THIS ch. FAVREAU, WAS THE DIRT ROAD THAT SILAS AND I TOOK THE EVENING WE WENT INTO MONTRÉAL FOR HIS BIRTHDAY... SEPTEMBER 2012!!! ALMOST EXACTLY 6 YEARS AGO! ACTUALLY, I JUST LOOKED BACK: IT WAS FRIDAY, 7 SEPTEMBER 2012! YEP... ALMOST EXACTLY 6 YEARS LATER!!! WHAT A KICK!) The 139 is being re-paved and I had to sit, just out-side Sutton, for about 5 minutes. The old guy with the “Arrêt/Lentement” sign was delightfully busy chatting with the lead car whilst we waited (and I watched the temperature gauge on the truck... because I still do that, even though the water pump was replaced). All went well and we rolled along the graded section which was surprisingly quite “smood”. A “transport” truck led us along. They don't use all those cones. I guess it's better to pay somebody to lead traffic along. Yeah? Ah... Québec. And then... SUTTON!!!! I rolled along the packed street and went directly to the little “mall” where I knew “Pharmacie Brunet” was and still is. Stopped in, mostly out of curiosity, and quite honestly, to get more of those “muscle relaxers” if they had. Inside, it was all rather familiar, in spite of the fact that I haven't been in there for almost 6 years. I browsed and found a bottle of... ALGEMARIN “ORIGINAL”!!! 14CAD! Yeah... costly for 500ml but... I SPLURGED! Next, some sort of “BIOabsorbant” gel-stuff for about 5$. Room deodorizer tub. I figure, I can use that in the room... because it often smells terrible... musty and damp. Then, into the aisles of pills where I looked or the Jean Coutu generic brand but of course, this not being Jean Coutu, they had their own and the “Robax Platine”. The name brand wasn't all that much more costly so I got it, though it is more costly than the “Personnelle” Jean Coutu. Still... I now have them and I do need them and they do work so... no prob. - Oddly, there's a LOT of English spoken in Sutton! I was rather surprised. And perfect English too. Maybe because of the tourism? (Maybe that's what's killing Bedford... they don't speak English unless cornered. Tourism... it can be a killer.) When I got out of Brunet, I strolled over, thinking I'd stop in “Home” hardware... IT'S GONE! EMPTY! DONE! I was rather hurt to see the empty store and the sign on the door confirming they're gone. I used to like browsing through there. Hopefully Sutton isn't returning to the little dead town it was, not but about 25 years ago (as I was always to understand). - Well? I wasn't sure what time it was but it was time for me to head back (not that I actually wanted to of course). I was a touch tired... and relieved that my “errands” were complete. - Continuing down the 139 toward Richford was such an old, comfortable, familiar route. I always remember the walking or biking of these roads. But today, the 139 was like an old friend... welcoming, comfortable... and I rolled up to customs and as I reached for my passport I hear “Well... dodging Morses Line today.” The young fellow who's always been a pure delight at Morses Line! We chatted a bit. Seems he's now stationed at the Richford crossing. (I'll have to remember that... drop by to visit. He's charming, and it really IS nice to talk with the guys on the border. And he's easy enough to be nice with.) So, a moment or so later and I was literally rolling along into Richford. Took the right turn onto Church to see the old house. IT'S BEAUTIFUL! Who-ever has it now is taking WONDERFUL care of it. Even with a trellis over the front walk! DAMN! I'm happy... and yet, so sad. I SO DO BLOODY-FUCKING DAMNED WELL MISS RICHFORD!!! It wasn't “perfect” there, but it was “good”... even with the depression moments of “primal screaming” over being left alone... and the nights of such cold because I couldn't afford the oil (but I had the little heater for my room). All said, even with the “seedy” folks there, I'd go back. I DO SO MISS IT. (But no... I need to get back to NY... and out of Shitholia here. I do.) So it was a beautiful drive on the North Branch, along the river and over the hills and dips. Yeah... I miss Richford and the visit to Sutton was a delight today. Good memories of wonderful, though perhaps a little tough (walking in January) times. Still... “Face it sweet-heart, you love Richford and Richford loves you.” I'll cherish those words, forever. - And so, the day came to an end and with it, the “joy” as the Richford Rd. became the 118 and the 118 became the 120 and the 120 became... Main-fucking-street. - When I arrived, I had to drive round to the Highgate St. side because... the fucking drive was blocked. SHE was back... parked at the end of the walk. Well... no prob there. It's closer for her to get into the house AND no Twats blocking the other end! So I drove in and parked at the barn. Got out. Came into the house to... Hallie all kissie and Mimou all chatty... and her royal quntness parked on the royal recliner... and apparently not in good spirits. She snapped something about Mimou complaining. (WHAT THE FUCK? YOU MORON SHIT-BAG!!! If, in fact, you rolled in as I rolled out, you've only been here for about 3 hours. Fucking shit-hole! “Complaining”? GEEEET THE ACTUAL FUCK OUT! Never occurs to her that he might just be “chatting” because he hadn't seen her in a while. NO! OH FUCKING FUCK NO! “COMPLAINING”. SUCK SHIT, YOU OLD, DRIED, NASTY QUNT! (Damned good thing I have this journal to vent in.) So I glanced at the TV. The “Kavanaugh Hearing” was on. I just can't take any more of THAT bull-shit either. Democrats. Liberals. And this old qunt. Nope... I came to the room to settle down a touch, balance my spread-sheets and begin this entry. - The “joyful” part of this other-wise nice day came CRASHING to an end... I'm back in the bowels of the bowels of the manure pit. Hail... Shitholia. - 16.25 she JUST decided to talk. Fukkoff. I started chatting abou the day... knowing, full-well... it makes NO matter to her at all. But, I was pleasant... NOT “verbally abusive”. - 18.39 I'm going for a nap... fukkit. Mimou was just at the door. The house is still. No doubt she's passed out on the royal recliner. Me? I don't give a shit. She's about to learn what it's to be like, alone in this place. I'm tired. - Got my soc.med. caught up. I can't watch or look at any news any more today. It's annoying. - And I've still got to note today's little “journey”. But now? NAP! Or... what-ever. No alarm. When I wake, I wake. Until then? Snooze. - 20.46 Well! That was a delightful 2-hour “nap”. I could use a little more sleep, to be honest. But right now, I've got that “urge” to “do” something. What-ever. I suppose. The house is quiet. I see, from the light coming through to the porch, that she's still “up” or something. The lights are on in the living-room. I'm just in from a smoke. No Mimou. But the porch door is open and her “tote” is on the porch. It made it just inside the door. Her truck is closed though, so she did make it out there. Well... time to catch up with the details (that I only listed earlier) on today's “adventure. We'll be right back. (See above.) - 21.45 and as I was typing the particulars of the day, I heard the old thing stomp to the loo. Fine, fine... hopefully she's gone to her “hole in the wall”. - Oh... I noticed that the porch light is on up-stairs. No cars in the drive. No sounds that I can hear, coming from up there. But the light is on... Oh well... they don't pay the electric. (But my radiator is on! Oddly, the thermometer reads 23° but tonight, it doesn't feel that warm. In fact, there's a bit of a chill in the room. Of course, the stove isn't burning tonight either... and I'm sure the rest of the house is almost bitter. Poor little ones. Thankfully, they've got fur. And of course, if Mimou wanted warmth, as cats often do, a little sound at the door here and he could spend the night in his little bed... that he's barely ever used.) - I want another smoke... mostly to get up and move about. - 23.34 Eight new tunes for the iPod... and most of them from this year! French, English. Good stuff. It's depressing to see how much music I've missed over the years of being here. Music hasn't been much in my life... except when I was on the bike or walking. And then? It was only what I had from WAY in the past. Nothing “fresh”. But tonight, I've added. Hopefully I'll be able to listen and enjoy... rolling along the roads... again. - My left thumb is REALLY swollen tonight. Even since I did all that “removal”. Something got into my skin, under the nail-bed, from the gloves. It's happened before, but never this bad. Oh well... more shit for the qunt. Never mind. - And now? Decision: pill for the back or v-ton? I think v-ton's going to win again tonight. - Oh, she's got somebody from Sears coming tomorrow... I don't know what for. The only thing I can think of is the garage door (which she'll pay somebody, highly, to install.) And then there's the painting of the stair-way to the flat... Me? And the painting of the flat. Me? And all I can think of is the “fumigation”... that she'll bilk the Twats' deposit for. I'm tired of all of this. Really. - And, as a note: the pain in my neck? Still there. I wonder if it's a clot, block, or bad teeth. No matter, really. - Time to roll the day down... before it gets too far into the next. - I've been out twice for a smoke. No Mimou out there so I'll hope he's in for the night. - And the radiator is holding the room at 23° though it doesn't feel that warm. The cold is coming.

Fri.28.Sep: 1.04 The pain in my neck seems more pronounced. The v-tons (plural) aren't putting me to sleep. But, it's time to try to sleep. - 8.50 WOW! Almost a full 8 hours of sleep... with only one interruption to pee! Plus the 2 hours of nap. WOW! And no “icks” this morning... just the damned pain in the neck. But... I ain't complainin' this mornin'. Now... let's see how this sunny Friday can be brutally fucked and shredded... shall we? There's a qunt in the kitchen just itchin' to bitch. Of this, I'm certain. So let's have at it! Let's have a go! - 9.18 in from smoke and morning greetings from Mimou. Not bad out there. Sun coming through. Must've rained a while ago. And not too cold (which explains the 24° in the room this morning). - Now... if only I could get rid of this pain in the neck (and a good BM), all might be considered “fine”. - Music to put onto the iPod this morning. Let's move along. - 11.25 Morning soc.med. done and now it's time to “do something”. I think I'll work on photoshopping photos of the back yard for the replacement of the fence. Why the fuck not? It won't be appreciated by anybody else but me, but then, the question of the day is “What have ya done today to make YOU feel proud?” - 18.10 AND ANOTHER DAY'S UN-NOTICED AND UN-APPRECIATED WORK... DONE! I'm just in from having a small sammich... in the truck, whilst the idiot fucks about in the kitchen, calling her-self “making dinner”. Me? I'm off to the shower. Fukdatshit. - 19.58 Showered... DONE! - WHAT HAVE I DONE TODAY TO MAKE ME FEEL PROUD? WELL, Ms. Heather Small, at 14.07 Mrs. Mme. Q. took off under the guise of going for some “bone density” test. (Luckily, they weren't performing a skull density test because she'd be there for MONTHS!) I changed into “work” clothes and headed out to the yard where I pulled the weeds at the base of the length of fence along-side the green-house. Next? Took the loppers and cut the Virginia Crawler that had woven itself into the fence. That done, I pulled all the Creeper and choke-weed off the length AND pulled the fence-posts (including the gate posts). Moved on to rolling the fence back to the corner where it turns to run along the back garden. Nice. Neat. Meanwhile, I took a moment to stop and ask Burt, who was working on the porch of the phone company, if I needed a permit to burn that one stump in the back. HE BROUGHT HIS BACK-HOE OVER AND DUG THE DAMNED THING OUT!!! I'M RATHER IN SHOCK... “KINDNESS”? THERE'S TROUBLE HERE, SOME-WHERE. Anyway... as Burt was digging, Mme. rolled back in *** AND DIDN'T NOTICE THE FENCE-WORK!!! WHAT A FUCKING IDIOT!!! *** But asked what Burt was doing so I told her. And I mentioned the fence-work. She drove into the drive, right past it and seriously... DIDN'T NOTICE! As I said to her: I could burn this place to the ground and you'd come waltzing in, stand in the pile of ash and turn on the tap to wash your hands or something. “I'm very busy. I'm too busy to notice these things.” Yeah? FUCK THE FUCK OFF YOU! And... she got Hallie into the truck and headed out again (to get Hallie weighed). Meanwhile, I thanked Burt so very sincerely and waited for Mr. Twat to pack the car and move it. We had a chat though. I told him “You'd better be on your best behaviour over there. She's got spies.” and told him of Lis phoning to tell Mme. of the bus bringing Patrick to school. “Good to know.” he said. (Wait until they try to get their security deposit back.) Also mentioned how she's not what she appears to be. “I always thought of her as a bit nervous and fidgety.” said he. I told him that she drives people to where they just lose it, she aggravates and then accuses people of being “verbally abusive”. He mentioned Cecil. I told him that she INSTIGATED that. I mentioned my losing my temper and he said “We never heard much from you. We heard a lot from Cecil though.” Good to know... good to know... and glad the truth is out a bit more. It was a “nice” chat during which he confirmed the “hate” of this town. “It'll be good to get out of Franklin.” he said. - As we chatted, Mme. rolled back in and in moments after, Mr. Twat rolled out and I grabbed the mower... Mowed where I'd pulled the fence and the little space by the back porch and in front of the garage. By 17.19 (FIVE HOURS) of MORE WORK around here. - Well!!! as I've noted, by 18.00, I was SO HUNGRY and Mme. was “busy” chatting on the phone, so I dug into the cash that I have here (that I can ill afford to spend) and went to the store for a VERY small turkey, provolone, mayo, mustard and black olive sammich, a small bag of crisps and two Twitsted Tea. (Almost 16 fucking dollars! Fucking thieves.) Brought it back and sat in the truck to eat... more like SHOVE the sandwich down my throat. - I DID feel MUCH better after eating that little bit and came back into the house. Grabbed the Hoover to clean the carpet in the room here and Mme. came by to tell that “dinner” was done. Yeah... sure... right. “Where are you going with that?” she asked, about the Hoover. Where the fuck do you think? I'm off to the Federal Reserve. Honestly! Why? Why ask? I'm CLEANING!!! “YOUR” house. Moron. So I got my cleaning done, went to the kitchen and took, literally, only just enough to appear I'd taken something to eat. (Was it enough? No... to be certain. But I just can't get to eat with her. It makes me ill.) “Are you sure you ate enough?” she asked, several times and each time I said “Absolutely.” Done... - Oh, the dish-washer was repaired today. As I type this, at 20.23, dishes are in the sink... and a pot is on the floor by the sink. I'm not touching ANY of it. - So, says Mme., she'll be washing windows tomorrow. “I have to work.” whines she. Yeah. For a change. No sympathies coming from here. And me? No working tomorrow. Perhaps on Sunday, but certainly not tomorrow. - I've taken a muscle relaxer... will, no doubt, have a Tea before bed. (Hopefully, no spasms tonight but... I've a feeling there will be.) - SO there we have another day. It's time for my “after shower” smoke and a tuck-me-in. - My neck still hurts but... the day's work helped with much of the pain.

Sat.29.Sep: 0.34 Two Teas, two muscle relaxers, I can feel the muscles tightening. - Earlier, I put on the light on the porch... to help the Twats with packing, and chatted with their Patrick. Funny, nobody spoke until they moved. Mr. said it'lll be good to get away from Franklin... yeah... I know. - Anyway, got an episode of “Call The Midwife” copied and watched. It's more difficult to find episodes now. Seems all the Internet's gone fucked lately. - Anyway, right foot in spasm. Got to get up out of the bed. The pills, the Tea... I've got to get back to the vodka... seems it's the only thing to stop the pain. We all have our pain. This “stoic” bull-shit of keeping it silent is fucking nonsense. But, there's nobody to tell... and telling does nothing to stop it. So? So... - Last smoke. Let's see where and how the rest of this night/morning goes. - 2.50 Obviously, the two Teas and tablets didn't “do the trick”. Nor did logging into the “Author - Minds” account and the correspondences. But... let's see what comes of what's left of this farce of a drizzling night. It's going to be Hell in a few hours. Hopefully I can screw my body into being happy and rested with nothing more than a “nap”. Here we go again! - 10.22 Shamelessly, I have slept-in until 10.13 this morning! It was a bit of a rough night, with a foot spasm or 2 but nothing “GET THE FUCK UP OUT OF BED!” serious. And I heard the 8.00 alarm and turned it off... rolled over and dozed until about 9.00, then rolled over and dozed until... now. And I don't care, really. Don't give a fuck, nor a shit. It was just some time past 3.00 this morning when I finally got into the bed. (Had a couple of delightful chats on the Author “channel”.) And I wasn't “out of it” or anything of the sort. It took a while to actually get to sleep but... well... this hour speaks for itself. - Y'know? It's Saturday. I've missed ALL of the seasonal holidays. I WORKED quite hard for shit-arse-fukkall yesterday. And it's a bit dreary this morning... left-overs from the drizzles of very early this morning. I'm going to enjoy (as much as possible) this day, and look forward to the end of it when I can go back to bed. So, fucking, there! - Meanwhile, the pain in the neck is a touch (only) better this morning. (Now... to get my gut together... that's a bit “lumpy”, as it were.) - 19.01 I laid down for a “40-minute nap” at 16.00... AND AM JUST WAKING UP! WELL! So much for toddling out for booze, or food or anything else for that matter. In 2 hours, it's time to head back under the covers. - Just in from a smoke and... right in front of the window where I have my nightly (and morning) smokes is the little step-stool from the kitchen. She walked all the way across the porch to put it there. Silas' “passive aggression” tactics... because she spent the day washing her windows and I didn't help. Or, what-ever. OK. Fine. Never mind. Of no importance. - Anyway... I just hope I can get to sleep tonight and sleep through. Tomorrow, I'd like to see if I can't get another third of the fence up out back before mowing on Monday. But right now, I need to pee and to rinse my “clench-guard”. Here goes nothing... Comments? I wonder, but I can't care. - 19.12 Made it... to pee and to rinse the “clench guard”. She's (of course), sacked-out on the royal recliner. (I hear her stomping... chatting with Mimou, in the kitchen. SPARE ME!) - 22.43 Gee... other than this morning's comment “You missed the rain.”, I said, with morning smoke, no communication all day! Not bad! - Nothing to eat all day except a few spoons of peanut butter though. Not too good. But I can afford to drop a couple of pounds anyway. - A swig of vodka earlier... there's “a swig” left. Must to rectify eventually. - A lot of “on-line, soc.med.” time today... when I was awake. - And now? It's time to try for some sleep. Not sure how it'll work out, considering the 3-hour nap and so little vodka. But I've got something to do tomorrow... the fence in the back and perhaps, a trip to the boozerie (and market for tonic). - Still have to work out how to get out of the trip in Oct. KRISTE! I DO NOT want to spend 12 hours with her and her Maryrose. And certainly not driving. BUT... one thing that can be good about it: There's nobody to attend the little ones for all that time! I could “make my trip” and be back to take care of them! WOOHOO! Maybe tomorrow I'll drop the “notice”. I should... so she can find somebody else to take the ticket... and drive... and tour... and put up with it all. -

Sun.30.Sep: 8.20 I don't really recall when, exactly, I went to bed, but I think it must have been round 23.00 or 23.15. Anyway, I laid there, for a brief while, on my left side, on my right side for a bit, on my back, back to the right side and... on the nose, I woke, just the very second Ms. Heather Small enquired “What have ya done today to make you feel proud?” Yes, indeed, another 9 hours of sleep last night, in addition to the 3 for the nap yesterday. AND... I didn't get out of the bed until 8.20 (and could have stayed even longer because, for the first time in quite a while, I was comfortable.) - So now... waiting for the moron to toddle off to “Jesus” (hopefully soon, but I doubt before 9.30 anyway), if possible, I'll get to the fence again today (let nothing negative be said about me, in truth... may she be buried, like all her “Christians”, in her own lies), and we'll take the rest of the day from there. - 8.33 I'm off to have my smoke... KRISTE! I ALMOST DREAD IT! DEALING WITH HER FIRST THING IN THE MORNING! - PS: 8.35 and... 9°! The single digits are back. - 10.48 and as suspected, she's off to Jesus... with Hallie. - Overcast... rain predicted for noon. I want to get to the fence-work but it's chilled and damp. - The Twats are back, packing. I wonder when they'll get to “shampooing” the carpeting as promised. - I'm rather tired... can't figure why. Probably just because of “here”. It's tiring... “here”. - Oh well... I'll put on the work clothes, pass the time. Passing time is what I do. - 20.25 SHOWERED! WHY? BECAUSE

THE FENCE HAS BEEN MOVED!!! THE “GARDEN” IS NOW ON ONE END OF THE YARD! FOUR BOX ALDERS HAVE BEEN CUT, THE TRASH FROM THEM AND THE WEEDS ON THE FIRST LENGTH OF FENCE ARE PILED AT THE “GREEN BARN”. THE BACK YARD HAS BEEN MOWED! IT'S ALL AS IF NO WORK HAD EVER BEEN DONE (SAVE A FEW STUMPS THAT I'LL WORK AROUND IN FUTURE BUT WILL NOT BE GETTING RID OF, TO BE SURE. I WAS OUT THE DOOR AT 11.00, FIRST PHOTO TAKEN AT 11.04. IT WAS CHILLY AND DAMP, OVER-CAST, BUT I FIGURED I'D GET AS MUCH DONE AS POSSIBLE BEFORE THE RAIN (WHICH NEVER CAME). STARTED ON WHAT I THOUGHT WOULD BE TODAY'S SECTION OF THE BACK... AND, IT WENT ALONG SO WELL THAT I JUST KEPT MOVING RIGHT ALONG UNTIL IT WAS ALL DONE TO THE GATE! AND I MOWED AS I WENT ALONG SO THERE WAS NO “CLIPPINGS” AND SUCH. NICE, CLEAN, NEAT. SINCE I HAD THE TIME WITH-OUT RAIN, I TOOK THE FENCE AND MOVED IT TO THE BACK. AH... BUT... AS I MOWED THE BACK IN PREP FOR THE NEW PLACMENT OF THE FENCE, BIG-BOY COOPER CAME OUT TO MOW HIS YARD AND... AS IT WOULD BE EXPECTED... I FINISHED THE MOWING AND WAS CUTTING ONE OF THE BOX ALDERS WHEN HE YELLED “YOU HIT MY FENCE! YOU FUCKING BASTARD SON OF A BITCH!” I WENT RIGHT INTO THE HOUSE AND DEMANDED THAT Mme> CALL THE POLICE BECAUSE I'VE HAD MORE THAN ENOUGH! YEAH. SHE DID. THE FUCKING STATE “POLICE” IN THIS STATE ARE WORTHLESS. THEY SPOKE TO HER. (SHE REFERRED TO ME AS A “TENANT”... I YELLED, TO BE HEARD “AND GROUND-KEEPER!” I YELLED, LOUD ENOUGH TO BE HEARD OVER THE PHONE “I'VE PUT UP WITH THIS FUCKING SHIT FOR TWO YEARS AND YOU'VE DONE NOTHING TO REMEDY IT! NOTHING! NOW IT'S FINISHED!” MEANWHILE, THE TWATS WERE MOVING AND IN THE YARD AND THEY HEARD IT TODAY TOO. BOTTOM LINE? THE POLICE REFUSED TO INTERVENE... AGAIN! SO I WENT BACK OUT TO FINISH THE WORK I'D STARTED AND PUT THE NEW FENCE UP (WITH GARDEN STAKES FOR NOW). SURE ENOUGH... I LOOKED AT THE FUCKING FENCE. THAT PSYCHOTIC SHIT KICKED HIS OWN FENCE IN! THE BULGE EXTENDS TO *** THIS *** SIDE, MAKING IT OBVIOUS THAT THE “DAMAGE” WAS INFLICTED FROM *** HIS *** SIDE. I'VE TAKEN PHOTOS. (AND I'VE A MIND TO POST AND DOX ON SOCIAL MEDIA... PONDERING...) SO Mme. DECIDES TO GO GET A CABBAGE FROM THE GARDEN, OF COURSE, LITTLE... PRECIOUS LITTLE MENTION OF ALL THE WORK SHE'S GOTTEN DONE... *** FREE AGAIN *** FUCKING QUNT, BUT PIG-BOY TRIES TO PUL THE SHIT OF THE “DAMAGE” ON HER... ALL SWEET, INCLUDING AN OFFER TO BRING HIS LITTLE BACK-HOE OVER FOR SOMETHING. SHE JUST DECLILNED THE OFFER AND REMAINED EVER SO SWEET... TO HIM! AS USUAL. MY PLACE HERE IS MADE EVER SO CLEAR: FUCKING NIGGER, THAT'S ALL. WELL... I KNOW A THING OR TWO ABOUT HOW THE NIGGER-SLAVES RESPONDED... LET'S LEAVE IT AT THAT FOR NOW. I JUST CONTINUED TO WORK AND SHE CAME INTO THE HOUSE. - AS I WAS LOADING THE TREE CUTTINGS INTO THE TRUCK TO BE HAULED TO THE “GREEN BARN”, Mme. TOOK OFF TO Ms. PAMMIE'S WITH SOME COLE-SLAW. AT THAT MOMENT, I ASKED ABOUT THE DATE OF THE BOCELLI CONCERT. I BELIEVE SHE SAID THE 21st (I'LL HAVE TO CHECK TO BE SURE) BUT I TOLD HER OF AN “IMPENDING POTENTIAL INTERVIEW” IN MORIAH. I ADVISED THAT SHE FIND SOMEBODY ELSE TO GO. “I WANTED YOU TO COME... I WAS HOPING YOU'D DRIVE.” SHE'S FUCKINIG RETARDED ENOUGH TO ADMIT IT! I KNEW, ALL ALONG, THAT I WAS EXPECTED TO DRIVE! YEAH? NO! NO MATTER WHAT I HAVE TO DO, I WILL *** NOT *** BE GOING TO ANY FUCKING CONCERT WHERE I'LL BE EXPECTED TO *** WORK *** FOR THAT AS WELL. GOOD LUCK TO YOU, QUNT. - AND SO, SHE DROVE OFF AND I WENT TO DUMP THE CUTTINGS. - WHEN I GOT BACK, I FINISHED MOWING THE BACK BY THE BARN AS SHE DROVE IN... I JUST CONTINUED MOWING UNTIL DONE AND... I WENT TO THE STORE AGAIN, THIS EVENING, FOR A “HALF” TURKEY, PROVOLONE, MAYO, MUSTARD, BLACK OLIVES SANDWICH (2 TEAS AND A BAG OF CRISPS FOR TONIGHT). I ATE THE SANDWICH... AGAIN... IN THE TRUCK. I'D TAKEN THE LAST PHOTO OF TODAY'S WORK AT 17.43. BY NOW, IT WAS WELL PAST 18.00. AS I CAME IN TO PUT THE TEAS IN THE ROOM, SHE CALLED FOR ME TO COME IN AND HAVE A BEER AND A COUPLE HOT-DOGS. YEP... TWO. THAT'S ALL I HAD. JUST TO SIT AND SAY. AND THE BEER. (AFTER, BY THE WAY, I GOT TO PUT THE DISHES IN THE DISH-WASHER... *WORK* HERE IS *MY* RESPONSIBILITY... OBVIOUSLY. ONE DAY, I'LL SUE HER FOR EVERYTHING OVER WHAT A COURT DEEMS “APPROPRIATE WORK FOR ROOM... NO BOARD”. “EQUITY”.

And so, after the clean-up, during which she took the little ones for a walk, a moment of TV and me, off to the shower. I've also taken one muscle relaxer and honestly, right now, I'm achy and tired! Gee, I wonder why. Working all fucking day (7 hours again anyway) on yesterday's several spoons of peanut butter? Well... Ms. Heather Small asks “What have you done today to make you feel proud?” Well, Ms. Heather Small... the back yard here says it all. - Right now, all are in the living-room. I'm in the little room. I'll have to check the County Sheriff's office... perhaps I'll drop by there tomorrow and see what can be done to bring all of this to a miserable closure... especially miserably for the other parties involved. And, if there's a court case... I'll go for it. Why the Hell not? Drag them ALL into it. (Wouldn't it be SO amusing if I could get a court date... when Mme. is expected to be in Florida.) - And so, oh well... so much for another fucking day in the “Community Home for Retards in Shitholia”. - I hear the old qunt banging about the wood-stove which she started today and has stoked on her own... no help from me. And she's bringing wood in from the garage. Yes, the stack by the kitchen door is going down quickly. She'll be re-stacking it on her own... Of course, she doesn't know that. - Oh... and Mr. and Mrs. Twat came to drop in and ask if it would be OK if they come back tomorrow to finish up the cleaning and such. Mme. pointed-out that SHE'S going to paint up there anyway and pointed, with her fucking pencil, across the table at me. We shall see how that all goes... indeed - For now, a Tea, a bit of soc.med. I'll figure how to get today's photos on-line and how to dox Pig-boy... very soon. - The loo door just shut. 20.55... she's packing it in? Hasn't done shit-fuck-all all damned fucking day. Good... go the fuck to bed... and leave me the fuck alone.