Sat.1.JUIN: 13.48 Nr7 Almost 30deg NO A/C! FNYC! – Later start to this, another miserable hot day. But got laundry done. – Eddy “stepped out” and I 10s and finished JUST as he returned! Whew! – And now, on this miserable packed train… errands. – Eddy’s talking money lately. He hasn’t enough for essentials but can afford travel and such. Hasn’t gone to DSS and doesn’t go to the studio to work often. Me? 19th-21st I’m OUT one way or another. June has arrived… time to GO! – (On Sun) The day was typical NYC: an eternity in time to accomplish little. But I got to storage, taped the 3 parcels (maps… Fran, Nanc and Silas) as I sat on the floor. A quick stop at “Compare” mkt to find more FS this month! OK! The A to the central PO where the parcels to VT were 2$,something but to FL? 3$,something. Same contents, different price. But… they’re in the post. Then the Q32 back. Got roast beef/swiss cheese for the flat. Eddy wanted to cook fish before I left but did say he’d appreciate the beef, so I got it. – Eddy back late this eve. I was completely engaged in “abortion” discussion on Twits. I told my own history. The old man is gone but many will know his evils as long as I exist. And so, Eddy offeted to cook but I can’t yet take solids, so he made a sandwich for himself. – Another late night to sleep.

Sun.2.Juin: 11.19 Eddy is off to “sanctuary” then to NJ for the night. Me, alone in the flat … no complaints. Just finished browsing the Twit and coughing up clots. Breathing is a concious effort these days. Ah, to last just long enough to go back North! – 16.38 Day gone. Still haven’t eaten since 10 McFukkitz and shake yesterday. But 2,5hrs at the laundry (none of it “mine”). – This morning when Eddy left, a quite relaxing 10z. At laundry, achat with EW (he was chatty today, trying some new shit he got from Mrk… stimulating, as it were). – Storms in the forecast. Thinking: ice cream for “meal”… L upper tooth/gum/sinus much better but still no “right”. Still “things’n’stuff” rinsing out. Where does it come from!? – 22.14 Clean bed linens. Clean loo. Clean me. Air on. Set at 68F… 18 degrees warmerthan the thermostat was set at 19 Church through the Winter. All day, 73F… 23 degrees warmer than the house all Winter… and tonight, that’s “cool”. Life makes no sense at all. – The flat is quiet. As I showered tonight: This too shall pass. This too shall not be completely of my own choosing. But this too shall… pass. – I am looking forward to returning North. It’s been hotter up there of late. But my “all” actually yearns and longs for it. I cry, rather frequently, as I travel through and about this City. This WAS my “home”. It repulses me now. I have fond memories… of long ago. Recent times are revoltingly sickening. It was a mistake to come here. But a mistake than can and will be rectified. It is an education. I’m here only on business. – Tonight, on the iPod, mor “QI”. Thank you, Stephen Fry. You were my Comerade in the North Country through the Winter. Tonight, you are my Comerade still. Where-ever you are, you receive my gratitude and blessings. – A few more moments and time to try for a restful sleep. – Gee… no word from Nancy, nor any others who “care”. Franc has been gone almost a week and no-one’s investigated. He’s “using” again they say. I wonder… But I know what it is when one can simply drop away… and no-one notices (PHC and The Shelter… I KNOW!)

Margin Notes: June 3-5 C: 931,39 893,83 (600,-) E: 189,93 129,33 - 600,-

Mon.3.Jun: 21.30 showered. Air Conditioner ac on. I am exhausted! – Got to the studio at 8.30. Basha! started in on me with her bossy shit. I just shut-up and shut down- Ignored her. Did carpentry all day. – Word is: Franc is in Sinai hosp. BFD. But well… I certainly couldn’t afford that. More “Pos” bull-shit and immigrant fuck-all. Eddy claims, Franc was stoned, got mugged and beaten. I don’t particularly care. HIV, HepC, illegals… the whole bloody City. I do NOT care. – But I ate, showered and am tired! – Eddy in late. I woke to chat with. Back to sleep… late again.

Mon.3.Jun: STUDIO: 9(,50)18,30 = 9hrs STUDIO ALL (arr: 8.40 to only Basha. HOT!) C 298,83 E 729,33 1023,16 ? VOL: Lundi le 24? Robin? BOULOT/VOITURE Robin: 800 (x3 semaines?) Voiture: 1200 --------------- 2000 Studio owes me 15$ 350 250 ---- 700 350 ---- 1050

Tue.4.Jun: 22.40 WORKED 9-18.30. – Rang Robin today. No room at Bel Aire BUT found Bob & Lyle on Craigslist (HOPE)! I think it’s the room I’d looked at!!! WOW! I replied via CL because I can’t find their contact info. It’s on the shitVTphone… packed some-where. Hey! I HOPE!!! Need car and job now and all will be OK. Must out by 21st… my prsnl deadline. – Alberto Kitty VERY affectionate and I’m very alergic. – Exhausted and tomorrow there’s more work waiting.

Tue.4.Jun: 9-18.30 (,50) 9hrs 4. Studio 5. Comedy

WED.5.JUN: GOING Home TO VT! FRANKLIN!!! Got the reply to my reply last evening. Yes it IS Bob and Lyle and YES it’s the room and YES it IS available and YES I WILL take it! I can’t stay in NYC much longer. It’s annoying me, making me ill. Rushing. A thankless job. Housing with the ill and dependant and… no key to the bldg. Standing, waiting, hoping for someone to come or go. No security on the job. None about housing. Subways. Noise. Dirt. And all the while now it seems the entire City has become “Pos”! I’ve no dedire to “date”, “see” or even express an interest in. I just want OUT and AWAY! – Spoke with Bob this evening. Offered to send 2mos rent. He agreed!!! So… I’m GOING “Home”! Now to find a car and job!!! Hey! Now I TRULY don’t “live” here! One step at a time.

Wed.5.Jun STUDIO: 8.30 - ,50 - 18.30, 9,5hrs 4hr. Studio 8,5hrs Comedy 2,50 7,00 FRANKLIN! Step 1: Home VT

Thu.6.Jun: Posted 2mos rent! FRANKLIN! Covered! Out of here! – Schmulik sent me out to shop in the Garment District for the studio this morning… so… I took time (on the clock) to go to the Central PO to post the money order. Then rang Lyle to tell him the rent is en route. Done! I’m going back “Home”! – Rang Nanc to chat. – Fran rang: Bob’s b’day today. She was SO “down”! Imagine: it still hurts her so much and me? I’ve grown so accustomed to people coming into and leaving my life that it all means pretty much nothing to me any longer. But here I am… the “shoulder of the World”, being compassionate… un-conditionally. – Odd: today is also the anniversary of “Revisited”. 2010? Back to the Shelter until Octobre when it was off to BTV! I went to the Shelter. And I still allow for others’ to lean. Yes… I AM a shit.

Thu.6.Jun: Bob's B'day (Elizarde) Phone with Fan until after 24.00. 1hr39mins STUDIO: 9/,50/17.30: 8hrs Studio: 1hr Comedy: 5hrs 35,5/639 Benvenito lied R/T cig. "Wait 3 mins. More of you coming. (Bullshit!) Trouble. - Shop Garment Ctr. - Good day afer posting rent & chat with Nancy. Tick. * Change Verizon! * RENT POSTED x2 @ 700 TOTAL Central PO Manhattan via Priority Lyle notificed via phone.

Fri.7.Jun: Tough day at studio. Rain all day. Worked on Old Navy project (for Gay Pride oh ducky-duckie-doo!). More than 50 hours in this week! Money!

Fri.7.Jun: STUDIO: 8(1)19=10 Studio: 1 Old Navy: 9 45,5 5=40,5 - 728 6=41,5 - 747 7=42,5 - 765 8=43,5 - 783 9= 10=53,5 - 963

Sat.8.Jun: Started packing for return to VT! Went to storage, began packing so all I’ll need to do is get the luggafe and leave (just like before). –
Mat & Helene on Q53 to Liberty! I was arranging music on the iPod when I felt some-one staring at me and I looked up to see HELENE! MAT was with her! How WONDERFUL to see them!!! H. has been through medical hellbut looks great. Mat went for surgery, got a job! I’m truly whole-heartedly JUBILANT for them! They have a nice place. Just so great! I was truly speechless to see them! We exchanged info again. I hope to see them before I leave. –
Got the packing started in storage. Need to bring from the flat. – A night… Got a small vodka and some tonic, Ramen-type noodle bowl, ice-cream… All set for a night “in” alone. But… It’s been a while since the prev. v-tonic and not eating/sleeping/&c. Well… HOURS of 10z and nothing! Intense… I fell asleep!!! I don’t know when, but 3 light drinks and I was OUT! I have NO stamina any more!

Sun.9.Jun: 9.31 Smoke alarm “low battery”! – Tired! – Finished-off 10z this morning AT LAST! – Tired! –
Packed! Suit-case in storage ready to go!!! – 21.28 SO exhausted! – I actually put some colour into the beard this evening. Not a complete dye, but a touch darker. Not great. But different. It’ll wash/grow-out quickly. I don’t care. – To bed by 22.00. Eddy in at about 23.30, sat up until ? I feigned sleep until he put the lights out.

Mon.10.Jun: 12.57 SIBL Put in 2 hours work this morning and that’s it. 45,5 last week. FML I need income. Although Schmulik tells me I’m being seriously considered for accounting/office, which would be quite nice save, bumping some-one else whom I happen to like. But… I don’t live here… Soon, I’ll be out and they will all return to their “normal”. Time… – Franc’s back at the flat. Makes me most uncomfortable. Thankfully my belongings are in storage now. And I’d been thinking of putting in more time to help Eddy with his housing/court issues… I’m not so much thinking about that now. – Rainy day. Oh well. Time for getting busy. I NEED to find WORK back Home! – 14.33 Just finishing the notes here (on the iPod… 28 Mai through here). Haven’t been called back to work. – 2 potential jobs I’ll apply for in BTV from 7 Days. Need to check Craigslist from the iPod then will take a PC. – Then? Maybe to Flushing to face Franc. Maybe to the Rock. I’m rather “Wingin’It” now. FNYC -Mon.10.Juin: 17.31 Train to Flushing, with trepidations about getting to Eddy’s and being locked out, Franc being there. Wet. Rain. Very hungry. Down because only 2 hours work. Realised errors in CV previously sent. Almost 4 hours in SIBL… little accomplished. Now to Target: cat litter, laundry and dish soap. Cold train. Need money to go Home. – 22.21 and Eddy’s just in. – After SIBL, I took the train to Target: FreshStep (the other one is in the cupboard! I didn’t search. Hmpf.), dish-soap to replace the “Gain”, Viva towels, Gain for my laundry (packed for travel). Got caught in the rain! But… – When I got in, Franc on his “divan”. We spoke briefly, I came to the bed-room, had breakfast cereal (only “meal”) and Twitter until now. – Franc had lights out by about 21.30! May THAT continue (at least until I’m gone). – And now? Eddy in the shower, me in jammies and hoping for a night of sleep. – Pissed about only 2 hours of work. And a little annoyed about being offered AnneMarie’s job. HOW-ever… THAT’s probably just another “blank promise” AND won’t it be a surprise when I suddenly catch my train out? – Good-night nurse. Fuckitall.

Mon.10.Jun: STUDIO: 11.00(,50)17.00 = 5,50

Tue.11.Jun: 19.42 Back at the flat… alone… save for Pinot and Alberto. Beautuful sun pouring in through the windows and brisk winds blowing. In storage, a suit-case full of freshly laundered clothes waits for the journey back Home. 20$ to wash and dry! But I put them through a cycle with-out soap. THIS time they’re RINSED! And that took from almost 11.30 to about 15.00! And it wore me down and out. But… as they went through the soapless wash, I had a sammich at Subway! Food! So “all” was not “lost” (but my income will suffer… although there was no “work” as far as I know… fuckall). – Accomplished. Now, to decide, at last… the date. Part of me doesn’t want to abandon Eddy. Most of me wants to jump even now. The shit about taking Anne Marie’s job bugs me (probably just another lie anyway). This situation with Franc annoys me (HE should be helping Eddy). Then, when it comes down to THE END factor: Eddy and his “Landmark”/EST group? His “Sanctuary” churchies? His “Sponsor”? His “HAF”? And his “HASA”? Fuckitall! I go when I’m ready (financially)… (22 I’m thinkin’ here… train… 9 hours of travel but “no checked bags”?!?) – OK. Thoughts of the moment.

Tue.11.Jun: STUDIO: 11-14 (0) 4hrs 9,50

Wed.12.Jun 0.35 Interesting… no-one here. Quiet evening. Much interest on SocialMedia: a fellow got “raided” by Fed because of his twits! I wonder if/when my turn will come. I don’t care. And Ivan turns out to be (Eddy’s just in… no Franc… curious) a turd: defending Muslims, tossing Christian shit at me on the twits. Oh well. And it turns out that there was work at the studio today. No messages, calls. Fukkem. I’ll go tomorrow and thru the week, try to get 30 hours in at least. I need money now! Luckily July’s storage is paid (I had to remind the DM today… fuk him too). – Well… another late night. – The day…
Second month! TWO bloody months of “living” NO-where… no hot meals, everything in bags and luggage, no house-key… Homeless! Two bloody months of this shit! – But, today I did think:
1. Eddy’s been very sweet, asking only that I pick up some small items at the store (and not even food… mostly food for the cats), and nothing for bills. I almost feel terrible about planning to simply disappear… However…
2. EST… he’s into them, attending a “seminar” this week-end, feels he’s “moving up”… they have him from INSIDE the balls! And I’m expecting re-runs of Zur. Besides…
3. He’s into “Landmark” and “Sanctuary” and not one of them is doing shit to “help” him. I try and, well… he won’t go to work, spends time until VERY late with Landmark… and too, today…
4. He had to ask for his pay-cheque (due on Friday)… always broke. Ah and then…
5. He’s not called for the building inspector, done precious little about getting anything together for the hearing on the 26th…
Well… since HE obviously doesn’t give a shit, I really shouldn’t. I have to think about all of this.
Mean-while… the morning began: I sent text to EW asking if there was work. Weather was super, by the way. “No” was the reply. So I began getting me together, thinking beach and sun… Just after noon, a text: “Can you come now?” I NEED the MONEY and so I went. Arrived at 14.00. Day fucked.

Wed.12.Jun: STUDIO: 13-19.30 No Lunch 6,50 13-0-20 7 Total 16,50 2: Studio 5: Morgan

Thu.13.Jun: 12.30 Another day of text message ‘No work today. Tomorrow yes.” FML! But I’m SO damned TIRED! I don’t understand how I have about 2 hours after I wake where I’m fine and then… exhaustion! – But, it’s a rainy day, I’m showered, dressed. Can go try FlushingLib until 21.00. But right now? Empty house… NAP! Catch up on some rest! – (And so went the day… resting.)

Fri.14.Jun: 21.16-24.20 Talk with Fran. I told her about living in Richford. Now I wonder… she didn’t sound too “appreciative” when I said I didn’t tell her because of Doug/Janice. So I’ll suppose I’m on a shit-list. Oh well… I’m due for yet, another major arse-fucking with a smiley “Luv U”. – Spoke with Lyle today. Said I’ll be there 4th July week-end. He and Bob seem to be looking forward to seeing me move in. (I NEED A CAR!!!) – Eddy came in at about midnight… Happy with his “seminar” but… BUT… he paid ANOTHER 600$ for this shit and has done NOTHING about his housing issues! I’m at THE END! GOT TO GO! and I don’t care any longer. Done! – Had 2 light v-ton this eve. Very nice, indeed.

Fri.14.Jun: STUDIO: 12(1)20 - 7,00 fix PC = 1hr 16,50 3,00 ----- 23,50 NEED 10 @ 33 @ 600

Sat15.Jun: 20.50 “Wait! Wait! My husband…” as I try to take a seat on this bloody N train. The butt-hole got up, walked to the door and paused. The seat was empty so as I went to take it, some woman says that her husband was sitting there? So what the fuck? You get up, you lose the place. Welcome to NYC and the “real” world. Bitch! I’m tired! – Got to studio at almost 11 after a miserable commute in. Fuck this city. Really! But work on the flip-flop dresses is bringing in needed money. – *** Ah… it arrived: 21.05 Right. Just got the “How could you lie to me for 8 months? How could you do that to me?!” from Fran. Then the call got cut. I heard a “tone” as if she pushed a key and then… I now have to re-figure ALL my moving: time, date, how to get to Franklin. OK then. – So I rang her back to tell her that I cancelled my arrival next Saturday. I waited for a response, got none, I cut the call. Fucking “Christian”. Strolled up to get a small vodka, got the bus to the flat where I was greeted with cat vomit all over. So, at 21.30, cleaned the floors, paper towels/Fabuloso, showered, popped an e-mail (nice but…) to Fran and put the air conditioner on. Fukkitall!

Sat.15.Jun: STUDIO: 10-20.30 (1) 10,5 9,50 40 hours 33! 594$

Sun.16.Jun: 0.46 Eddy just in. “Removed” affect tonight. Ah… EST. Either that or fatigue. After all, it has been 2 days (of brain-washing?) Oh.. And the WiFi connection has been shit. Failure to pay the bill? Throttling? NSA? Fukkit too. FukkitALL! Tonight I feign “niceness”. I’m neither nice nor in good mood but I remain “nice” simply because I must… for now. Fuckmetoo. – 8.39 Well… I’d planned on a day at Tilden. Clouds and storms to come. And I wake to the dilema: I can get to BTV… how to get to Franklin… and then, no car, what? It’s my fault: I’d rather depended on Fran. WRONG! So now I face the difficulty of “solo”. Fukme. And this morning, in our “quick-chat”, Eddy is talking ESTshit and in it is vague (typical), semi-cryptics of money. Does he expect ME to bail him out of his housing issues whilst he doles out 1200$ to EST? I think NOT! – So… as is usual for me… another day, another dilema. Alas. – WiFi is still suck-all too. – I got 33 hours on the time sheet for the week. I can get that up a bit today. Tomorrow is supposed to be sunny. Perhaps I’ll resign myself to a few more hours at studio. Resignation… with needed cash though. – Well! 23.35 and showered at last! After a brief but delightful 10z this morning, I was off to work. Oddly, a call and text fm EW saying that I was wanted at studio! I’d planned on a beach day but weather looked not-so-good so better to work (for the money). And so… total for the week? 40hours and just over 700 more toward Home! But there was no air-conditioning at studio so I came out at 20.00 a total blech! But it was a fun day. – Tonight, a nasty e-mail from Fran (which received a curt reply.. I’ve no use for HER drama) and done. She sits there pondering and concluding and causing trauma for herself. Now, she attacks me, because she has no one to hit? No! Not happening. But I’m on her shit-list and so, she can keep her-self cozy with it. As for me? At least I’m not going back to VT “homeless”. And she? She can deal with the results of her unilateral conclusions and delusions. As I told her: I’m not going back for this bull-shit. – Fucking wifi! The connnection is sporadic as shit! – I see I can rent a car for a while! Maybe even DRIVE Home! (Hoping) There are some great rates… if I can do it on debit… and Avis says, on the Internet, that I can. Logistics; that’s all I need to figure.

Mon.17.Jun: 9.19 : Mama’s 80th. Imagine! She would have been EIGHTY today. Imagine… She’s the fortunate one. – Eddy and I chatted until about 2.00 this morning. He’s still sleeping. I’m burning my brains with logistics… first thing in the morning. – I must have pulled a muscle yesterday… painful left- side back. And I got something under the nail, right index finger. It just can’t go simply and well. – Apparently no WiFi connection to the bed-room. The icon is on but no connection. – Today I am going to get some sun and fresh air and a beach nap! So help me… Today I need some thought time! A few items to figure. – I don’t want to leave Eddy in a lurch, but last night he said: ‘Francisco promised to give me 1000$, in 300, 300 and 300. I texted him to ask him if he is going to keep that agreement because I need it. But he is not answering.” Y’know? Eddy’s pissed 1200$ on EST just this month alone, has done nothing about his housing issue, goes to EST and “Sanctuary” where no one does shit for him. I got his paper-work started for him, gave him support, information, direction and took time to accompany him twice. For what? So? Do I owe him? I wash cat vomit and fur from the floors, buy litter/food, paper products, cold cuts… Nope… no debt due. I just need to GO! – I NEED a freaking car and job back Home.. NOW! – 9.39 I need to get out of here and on with a day. – 23.01 A day at Tilden… with Mama. –
But the “catch lines” are beginning along with the “You have to come…” and “you have to let go” (of how his EST ruined the relationship with Zur)… and “It will do you SO much good!” So right now, I’m beginning to hold my breath and burning my brain for (“They got it. They got a different energy. And it’s amazing.” I want to vomit! My grandmother told me ‘You are 10 years in advance.” Yup… and paying your food and rent to some arse-holes who now run your life… We’ll see how “good” those people will be for you… come the 26th.) How to get out of here by the week-end. The only glitch right now is how to get to the house when I get Home. The ONLY glitch. (“I am going to move to a new apartement and I’m going to start painting again.” says Eddy. On the money you’re pissing into somebody else’s pockets whilst doing nothing for your-self? OK then…) Once the car is settled, the rest will follow. But the guys aren’t expecting me until the week-end of the 4th… and I need to figure how to get to the house… from train or plane! And I MUST figure it NOW! – Ah… what a “friend” Fran turns out to be. Typical. Only typical. – But TODAY… It started late, chit-chat with Eddy until 13.00! Then off to the bus to The Rock. Well!!! As I waited for the B35, I watched the STORM hit The City! The memories of the days of living there and seeing that were heart-warming… but… I wanted SUN today! I got on the bus and thought: if it’s going to rain, I’ll just take the bus to The Jct and go back to the flat to do laundry. BUT… it didn’t rain out at Tilden! I got there at 16.00 and it was SO peaceful! And sunny! And I got THREE hours of PEACE!!! No tan, but PEACE… Tilden. – It was a bit painful leaving The Rock this evening. My little town. I do miss it… but it’s time to leave here… go HOME. – Stopped at Rite Aid, Woodside. 5 tins of cat food, a bag of crisps for me (hunger). Spending money I don’t have! But before coming into the building, 2 slices of dollar pizza from 7/11 (2,18$) that I shoved down my throat as I walked toward the bldg. – Well, that’s that. – Eddy didn’t bother to go to work again today. I’m fed up with hearing him talk about how much money he needs. He’s supposed to go to Catholic Charities and GMHC for financial help this week. I’ll say nothing about it. – The WiFi isn’t working of late… no e-mail. I wonder if he didn’t change the password (EST). – I’m quite exhausted and planning on laundry at 7.00 tomorrow. – Flies in my glass mug!!!!! This place is loaded with flies and now they’re doing suicide movements into my mug! I want to vomit! – Eddy’s in the kitchen on the phone. Yup… EST. I NEED to get OUT of this shit… again. – And the roaches… are… IN the bed now!!! Crawling across my PILLOW! OH JUST PLAIN FUCK!

Mon.17.Jun: ROCKAWAY MAMA: 80yrs.

Tue.18.Jun: 10.33 on the Flushing… waiting… at Flushing. Sick of: mornings of cat hair in my face and eyes, Eddy and his “forum/seminar” bull-shit and whining about nothing in the house to eat and needing money as he lays in bed talking “too exausted to go into work”. I got a wash in this morning, showered. Then he asks “Are you going in?” Really? WTF? I need a car and a ticket AWAY from here and back to Home! Fukall! – A woman passed-out at the subway station this morning, at the bottom of the stairs. Halt everything. Clueless fux in this city. Never mind re-directing people… just stop ALL motion and movement. Traffic on Northern Blvd was a parking-lot… LIRR diversion. Hot. Humid. And no colour after 3 hours on the beach. – 10.41 en route, this local train is coasting along. FNYC! Really. – EW did over-night at studio. Won’t be in today. – I want to vomit. Just that kind of day. – And… so it turned out: Eddy’s gone EST. GOT TO GET AWAY NOW! But…
*****Ticket and car rental DONE!***** One week from today…Home!

Tue.18.Jun: (Counting to departure: 7 days) STUDIO: 10-120.30 (50) = 10hrs Old Navy * JET BLUE T Mardi le 25, 900 * AVIS: BTV: 11.00

Wed.19.Jun: 19.54 N to Flushing having been told “They’re sending everybody home.” at 19.00 when there’s a shit-load of work to be done. But… spoke with Bob and Lyle today and Tuesday I’ll be Home. FNYC! Doesn’t help my finances, but there are things to attend to now so… Bottom line at studio: I spoke my mind. I’m sick f oding work all day only to have Victor come and un-do it so that he can re-do and get paid extra time! Fukkem. Looking at not going in tomorrow, stopping for my cheque on Friday to see if I’m offered work. Will give AnneMarie a post-paid enveloppe for final cheque… and tell her of plans to dump her. Nothing left to lose (and I’ll re-pay the “kindness”). – Trepidations about Eddy now that he’s done EST. Just hoping he doesn’t pull any shit. Though he’d be most foolish to put me out: “USCIS” and T/L court and such. But… he’s “Zur” now… and brain-dead. We shall see. Again… nothing left to lose. – Brief chat with Nancy today as well! Delightful. – And I’m dotted/smeared with paint, sweaty. Burned-out.

Wed.19.Jun: (Counting to departure: 6 days) STUDIO: 10-19.30 (,50) = 9hrs Old Navy 9hrs = 342 Haley told me "They're sending everybody home." @ 19.30 but Victor re-did rainbow straight skirt & ship-out deadline for tomorrow!

Thu.20.Jun: 8.54 Bowels bothering me this morning. Aggravation… Eddy’s scripted stories, bull-shit in general. – Eddy tells me, he had a “housing” appointment yesterday that he’d forgotten until “it just popped up” on his calendar. Then “I have 149 friends who care about my well-being…” And I ask my-self: where are they and will any be at court with you or take you in? – 20.49 Waiting for the N after a 10,5hr day! Shockingky enough… no mention of yesterday’s tirades. However, I did tell EW about Victor re-doing my work… and Alli told me he was doing it to her work also. Anyway… no EW tomorrow. His Chris goes in for an angio and they’ll be together… how sweet (right). – Bob rang today to tell of a car available. And I put an extra day on my rental (I’ll be stuck in BTV… alone… on that Monday… then hitching back to Franklin from St.Albans. Oh well. Welcome Home… thumbs up… as it were. – The day went rather well. Good work. Good mood and such and I’m up to 29 hours! So… good cheque to arrive next week! I can’t believe how much I’ve had to spend all along though! it seems that money is spent simply to breathe in this city! Well… I”ll do what I must and do my best. Going Home to go HOME anyway.

Thu.20.Jun: (Counting to departure: 5 days) STUDIO: 10-20.30 NONE (Shopped) 10,5hrs 29,5hrs 531

Fri.21.Jun: 8.41 at Flushing… fucking my 9.00 start at work! And bowels churning anyway. And waiting for an unreliable local. We were awake until almost 2.00 this morning. Eddy rather shocked me: a photo of a Homeless Vet that he’d taken and posted to his face-book… he described how it hurt him… Homeless Vet! He cried because of it! Imagine! – Still… EST and his irresponsibility about his housing issue. Me, I will not be Homeless and will not reside with another EST-thing. On Tuesday, I go Home! – 18.57 waiting for the N… last time “after work”. I am NOT regretful! Time sheet and invoice in post-paid envelope, given directly to AnneMarie, after having to wait for pay again. Once again, there wasn’t enough money in their account to make pay-roll! But… 702 to come in next week’s post… 2 months’ rent. So… OK then. And it was a miserable day for most part. Victor was a shit; when I told Martin about his pulling things apart to pad his time sheet Martin didn’t want to know. So? He deserves what he gets. – Alli was all sweet with her compliments. I don”t care. – But I’m exhausted, with much to be done…

Fri.21.Jun: (Counting to departure: 4 days) STUDIO: 8-18.00 (,50) 9,5 39hrs x 18 ----- 702

Sat.22.Jun.2013: 12.05 Waiting for wash to dry. Eddy planning on day at flat to clean for his daughter’s arrival at some point on wk-end. I think he’s simply planning to go stay by her. There’s been no mention/discussion. I have to come up with some story to get out of this situation so to simply leave in peace. Ah… again… Timing… off. – Can’t seem to co-ordinate thoughts/plans for all of this. My brain seems scrambled this time. I don’t know why. It’s all just simple leaving but some-how, the planning goes amok in my brain. – Oh… am in my jammy-sweats doing lavage! FNYC. – Well… day over. Sun. morn. Laundry done… mine anyway. The day passed being lazy. – Phone call from Francisco! He’s been in “the Lincoln” and in a shelter (so he claims), pneumonia being treated with IV antibiotics (so he claims), DC Mon/Tue. “The Lincoln”? Hosp? The Bx? WTF? Shelter? As Eddy quotes Camilla: “Tata… just pretending.” Well, good; I’ll depart and the nut-case will return. – Me? I finally got to storage: only good clothes and one set of jeans left. But it was close! 19.45 arrival at storage and I left the flat at 18.00! Timing for Tuesday… shit! – At Sutphin/Archer a cab, registred NJ, standing in bus stop, a Q60 barely bumped the car, African(Nigerian?) gets out, yells at MTA guy “You pay for my car!” (the cab’s there illegally) and then gets into shouting-match with woman on side-walk! “I have rights!” “I know my rights!” Fuck. More immigrants and “their rights”. Violent attitudes. And I’m heading to the out-back… happily. – Got my AirTrain fare at HoBe. Odd: being on the Rock A was comforting. The Rock will remain “home” in NYC but… odd… I’ve no attachment here. I’m going Home on Tuesday. – Q53 to Woodside. Pepino’s pizza. 2 slices…5bloodydollars?! But I was SO hungry! Ate “dinner” sitting on the Woodside platform in the cool breeze, between arriving trains. It all sux, really. – Back at flat round 22.30. Done day, little accomplished. 2 days remain.

Sat.22.Jun: (Counting to departure: 3 days)

Sun.23.Jun: 9.14 at flat. Easy morning thus far. Many thoughts about Tuesday. Anxious. Looking for a car in VT now. Several of interest. May they be avail this week! – 16.14 A to Manhattan. Over 2 hours just getting to storage! Only the plants to be brought tomorrow. DONE! But my Heart cries for Pinot and Alberto… they’re about to become Homeless. Eddy pays 1200$-plus for bull-shit EST and believes those morons “care” about him! Some people can still be astonishingly bloody-fucking stupid! And the little cats will suffer. May he and those people be paid in kind. – Retro (Mon.morn.) And he returned after midnight. Well, the mentions: court on Wed and his case mgr admits to needing to be there but… work? Not so much. Too engrossd with some sailing trip in a million-dollar boat with some folkz frm landmark …. on Sunday. Ok. no prob. Some broad in the “seminar” allegedly has a million dollar boat and is throwing a “party” for people from Ladlmark. A cruise, food and drinks included, around L.I. and they’ll drop people off in The City to get themselves home. Imagine: he plans on this little excursion on a million dollar boat, pays those shits over 1200$ that he has to borrow (and still shirks going to work) and the 2 cats sit at home on the brink of being tossed. Karma will swing back hard. – We were up until about 1.30 (he was and kept me up as well).

Sun.23.Jun: (Counting to departure: 2 days)

LUNDI le 24 JUIN 2013: 8.43 time to get moving along here! – 16.52 Q53 to Woodside, storage packing done. Tomorrow’s luggage ready to GO and the boxes I’ll come for on Wed. are moved to the front and stacked. The other boxes are in order. Ready to go HOME… ultimately. But this time… all is in order… Peace. – EW is told that I had a housing interview today and a job interview tomorrow. Eddy got to the studio at 14.00. Hmpf. – After storage, I went to the Ozone Pk. lib and printed my car and plane confirmations. Chatted with Nanc!!! YahHou! But the HEAT today was INCREDIBLE!!! Just truly oppressive! I actually could NOT walk at any pace! Just HEAVY! – Well… then a stop at AT&T to look into service in Frnkln… none. Oh well. We shall look further when we get there. Then? iHop! Tiramasou pancakes, 2 eggs, hash-browns, iced coffee! 9,53$ plus 3$ tip. Costly but necessary. – Learned local car svce to terminal will be 18$! Outrageous! But good to know. – Now? I wonder if Eddy paid the ConEd… due today. If not… no a/c… in this heat!

Mon.24.Jun: (Counting to departure: 1 day)

Tue.25.Jun: 21.09 05457
Precious little sleep last night, could not get comfortable no matter what. Not that I was thinking of anything in particular. Just couldn’t get comfortable. – Up at 4.30, shower, light packing, out the door by 5.30. As I stood on Northern Blvd./147th St waiting for the bus, a pickup truck with VT plates passed! How strange! I thought “I should flag him down and ask for a lift home.” Then I pondered: what are the chances of this, me, heading to VT this morning and just at this moment, this truck should pass? – Well… as is the habit of NYC, the bus and train took entirely too long to get to storage this morning. So, exhausted already and in no mood to drag the lugage up to the A train, I opted for car service to the airport. The car came with-in moments as I waited at the TD on Rockaway Blvd and the ride was delicious! Fresh morning air and just me in the back seat. No crowding. Comfort. And a nice driver. BUT… 25$ (with the tip) that I do NOT have/can ill-afford. Still, it was, I must say, worth the expense. – At the check-in ANOTHER expense! The checked luggage was 17lbs OVER-WEIGHT! The woman suggested “Do you want to re-pack the 17lbs to your carry-on or dump 17lbs?” Idiot! I have a ONE-WAY ticket! I’m going home here! So… ANOTHER 50$. FNYC! Just get me home! Damn you all! Then on to the security: full-body scan. But I’ve lost so much weight over the time that my chinos barely stayed on my arse! Such a delightful experience. I thought of the guys in the Shelter: We had to remove belts to get in and some of the guys were like me: under-weight and lose trousers. I thought of the times when they had to be “wanded”, trousers would drop and there would be a resounding “Oh!” or “OO!” It all made no difference to me and I thought “So what the fuck do I care if my trousers fall? I don’t.” (They didn’t.) – ON THE PLANE! I got to the gate JUST as the plane was boarding!!! And then “Home” REALLY began. The guy sitting beside me was from… NEWPORT! How truly WONDERFUL! We talked about NYC. He and the wife were en route home from a trip to the DR and had been stuck in NYC over-night because the weather in BTV was so bad that flights were cancelled. We compared NYC to VT in general. We talked as “native VTers”. I was SO happy! – Then came the text message from EW at 9.49 (the plane took off at 9.06. I was some-where over southern VT): “How was your interview? Are you coming to the studio today?” I didn’t reply. I told the fellow next to me about my departure this morning. He found it funny to just leave loke that. Oh well. I didn’t care at all one way or the other. – LANDED and when the plane touched-down I took a deep breath. AT LAST!!! FREE! in a tiny air-port in… VERMONT! again. Only THIS time I KNEW the place, the people, the lay of the land and I was “Home” this time! As we left the plane, the guy from Newport turned to say “Welcome home.” WOW! “Home”. Yes, I am! – I stepped out to have a smoke, took a picture of the building with “Burlington Airport” on it. Rang Nancy to tell her I’d arrived and told her about the text from EW. We agreed: Just send the picture, no text, leave it at that. Even that’s more than he deserved. So, I did. – Getting the car was quick and delightful and a RELIEF! The car was beautiful, new, Chevy Malibu, black, sparkling clean… but… NJ PLATES! In VT?!? Oh well… none of the available cars had VT plates (how odd) so there it was, there I was and I was Home and so what? – Left the airport and had an agenda. I knew where I was, knew where I wanted to go, knew how to get there, knew… the place was FAMILIAR… I was Home! Headed to Loews for the solder I’d left behind in storage in NY. Starving and thirsty at this point, next stop, McD’s for a shake. So.BTV and there I was, knowing my way around. Everything so familiar and yet, not “Home” just yet. “Home” was still NORTH of here and I was in Chittenden and itching to get the fuck away from it. So I headed the back roads out to the 15, heading for the 108. – At 11.08 the reply to the picture sent to NYC: Nothing more than a “?” At 11.56 “Did you went back to VT?” My reply: “Yep”. At 14.01: “For good?” I didn’t bother to reply. After all the shit I’d put up with… and yes, I did confer with Nancy on this, my attitude. We were in accord. So… – The 108 is under major construction! From Cambridge to Bakersfield it’s DIRT! What a “Wecome Home”! DIRT ROAD! I was tickled (and, since I was in no particular rush, I enjoyed the drive). – Next stop: RICHFORD! The P.O. where the little box was almost stuffed. Mostly with threats and demands from Chomage… VT Chomage. Oh well. Yes indeed… “Home”. And then? TO MAYHEW’S where, as I walked in, Jill looked up and said “Are you home? It’s not October yet.” and all I could say is “I’m Home! Oh! I AM HOME!” Imagine… Richford… “Home”. I miss that town SO much! I’m sorry I wasn’t moving back there. But, as Jill and I chatted I said that I’m not all that far away and besides… I’m BACK IN VT AND BACK “Home”!!! in VT and that’s what matters! I’m in The NORTH VT! THAT’S WHAT MATTERS! She was glad to see me and I was glad to be back. – Well then… on the road and… TO FRANKLIN! WHAT A WARM WELCOME THERE/HERE! Smiles and open door and delightful conversation and DINNER! Sirloin (a bit over-cooked for my personal preference but DELICIOUS!). WHAT A COMPLETE DIFFERENCE FROM THE NYC SHIT! Yes, yes, yes… THIS is “Home”. – Met Val and Carly (her 11y/o daughter). I’m told they don’t know that I’m moving into the room they currently occupy. But oh well, that’s “Life”. – As it turned out, V&C went up-stairs and Bob, Lyle and I sat up until rather late, talking… as if we’d known one-another for YEARS! – “Home”.

Tue.25.Jun: Franklin.Home @9.00: JET BLUE @10.00: BTV @11.00: AVIS 12.00: Richford PO

Wed.26.Jun 21.57 I was awake at 7 but stayed in the room until about 10. E-mails and text messages from NY have begun to toll along. I’m on shit-lists there now and you know? I wouldn’t even give the energy to suggest “FUKKEMALL!” Seriously? I’m burnt righ the fuck out with them and their shit! Eddy had sent me a message yesterday (but I have no mobile service here so I didn’t get it until today) asking if he is to assume that I’m not returning to his place and telling me that he’ll be in court “alone” today! See? All those 1200$, 149 friends who care so much about his well-being. BULL-SHIT! Live and learn. I have no more time for that shit. – Yesterday, as I drove about, the “Change Oil” light came on in the car so this morning/after-noon, Lyle and I went to take the car back. The little fellow at the Avis counter assured an oil change wasn’t needed (there’s only 7k miles on the damned car anyway). So, Lyle and I went shopping: Hannafords on Dorset (didn’t have what he wanted) so we drove to Price Choppers in St.A. I KNOW WHERE I AM! I’m “Home”! THEN, to add to the “Home”… as we headed back to the house, we followed BOB! INDEED! “Home”! No stranger to the place. And yet, no Silas, no Fran, no connections to anything/anybody really. And no regrets about those two. There’s a reason they’ve been filtred out of my Life and I’m not questioning it. – Kielbasa and the sauerkraut Lyle and I shopped for for dinner tonight. Very good too! (But WOW, did it RUN THROUGH ME! MAJOR RUNS through the night. Oh well…

Wed.26.Jun: Eddy Court 9.30 Avis car: huille

Thu.27.Jun (2.16 on Fri.) – Well, today’s planned meeting at VTB has been cancelled so… since I have the car… TO NYC TO STORAGE FOR THE NECESSITIES LEFT BEHIND! No, I really didn’t WANT to go to NYC (I look forward to the day when I NEVER need to go back there) but… – Left the house at about 7.30 as Bob was going to work. The trip was rather delightful… I took the 89 to the 91 and the trip through VT was SO scenic! It’s interesting to note how much the scenery changes after crossing the border into Mass… not so green, more industrial. VT indeed is delightful. – Timing on the trip was INCREDIBLE! UNTIL… Westbury CT where the traffic jam began (and never stopped!!!)!!! In fact, the traffic jam was so bad that I actually made instant coffee as I waited! However, by noon I was at The Bronx! (Remembering that it took 12 hours to get to Brooklyn with Ivan…) Traffic ALL through NYC was just HELL… PURE HELL! No matter where I went, it was packed, slow and just miserable. And then? WHAM! As I was getting off the 59th St. bridge and on to Queens Blvd… some SHIT (grey Toyota, NY plate “OK BUDDY”) drove right into the car! AND THEN TOOK OFF SPEEDING INTO TRAFFIC! I went into shock… it was the only thing I could do. What started out as a delightful trip was turning into HELL and MISERY! Hot, humid, traffic, dirt, noise and I didn’t want to be there anyway. I got to storage at 16bloodyfucking00! Headed up to the unit to find… I DIDN’T LOCK THE DAMNED UNIT WHEN I LEFT!!! BUT… EVERYTHING WAS PERFECTLY FINE INSIDE! But, had I NOT made this trip today, it would have never been locked until the next time I came for something which would be… who knows when! So, in spite of all the shit, this trip was for more good reasons than met the eye. AND… it was so nice to chat with Tarianna again. And the “accident” with “OK BUDDY”? Not so bad. Not so bad at all. If the car were mine I wouldn’t mind it at all. RELIEF! – Well, I got MOST of what was on my list. I looked through some boxes, re-decided and left much of what I thought I’d bring. (And I didn’t have all that much space in the car for everything anyway.) So I got what I could, put it into the car and headed directly out… off to the road… to get the fuck out of NY and back Home. All that driving to simply turn round and back. But thankfully, I was alone and didn’t have to do the “tourist” thing. – Traffic leaving was as miserable as the traffic coming in! What a fuck of a day! But I took my time, wound-down. 1st Ave to the Concourse (which was packed!) to the Deegan, Cross County, Hutch, 684, 84, 91… and… NEW ENGLAND! – At the CT border I stopped at the “Welcome Center” for a rest and to ring Nancy and Lyle. It’s always good to hear Nancy’s voice and to chat with her. Does my heart so much good. Truly. And when I rang Lyle to say that I’d be back late or would stay at a rest area if too late he told me “You live here now.” and that I shouldn’t worry about coming in late. Yes… I can call someplace “Home” now. How comforting… I “Live” in VT. – The drive was fine once I cleared NY. Drizzle on and off but I kept right on going along… into the Northern night. And by 2.00 I was back… “Home”. – Lyle was asleep on the sofa when I got in so I went right up to bed. WHAT A DAY! WHAT A DAY! WHAT A DAY!

Thu.27.Jun: 15-16.00 VTB (Vermont Teddy Bear)

Fri.28.Jun(2013): Woke at 8.00. Brought things in from the car. The plants are back “Home” where their lives began. Imagine, they’ve been from VT to NYC and BACK! The ivy looks quite bad. I hope it survives. – Then… A trip HOME today!!! I tried a back/North route to Richford. Got turned round though. At Freligsburgh border I asked the idiots at the US customs how to get to Richford and the shit began: “Why did you drive from NJ to Richford?” They just need to make themselves so bloody important. (“Open the trunk.”) and they didn’t know the way to Richford… morons. – Finally got to Richford. Nothing at PO. I stopped in at TD to inquire about financing a car. The nice lady told me: 2k min. personal loan. Gave nr. to call for cred.rpt. Suggested I should just try. I will. – To HOME!!! Douanes: young guy… SO attractive! So nice. Heard about me walking. Wow! I’m part of “Local Lore”! When I think: Silas came, left, made no impression, didn’t get to know anything or anybody…nothing. Me? I’m part of Richford now, part of VT! “Home”. – The 139… Green, lush, my first time driving up! First time seeing lush greenery! HOME! It was another grey day though and a bit of rain in Sutton. Oh well… HOME! Dépaneur: 3 packs cigs. Much English being spoken! Marois/PQ is pushing l’Estrie more into English as defiance. Dumb chienne. At IGA: MaeWests for Nancy (and me). P’tit Québec for Lyle/Bob (and me), Kraft peanut butter (for me), Coke (for me). Quincillaire Home: drapeau… On sale half price! Smaller one (34$ to only 15$! and the one I’d paid 45$ was only 18! Oh well. They made money, I contributed to the store… and the economy.) Pharm: shower gel, air fresh, nail polish (for thumb nails) But when it came time to return to VT, again… I didn’t want to leave! it’s true: There’s a very different, better “me” across the border. My “Soul” is there and won’t cross back. – At US customs… a familiar face… the guy recognised me! We actually chatted! Indeed, yes… I AM “Home”… I stopped at Mayhew’s to see BRENDA! ANOTHER WARM WELCOME!!! She asked if I still smoked and offered me free coffee and a pack of Camels! Then she said: “Do you need money?” “If you do, let me know.” This is all so incredible! In my entire existence, such kindnesses have NEVER been! I could truly be in shock. It seems impossible, but it’s true! And I don’t know how or what to comment. It’s all so completely strange to me. I’ve NEVER experience THIS much kindness! We talked for about 2 hours! She said: “You were so depressed about leaving. You said some things that made me think… I don’t know…” and she extended both hands and welcomed me back “Home”! I AM Home… back where I belong. This is amazing. A guy came into the store, mentioned car dealer in Newport: 15% down, 13-month financing, dealer credit: pay-stub and residence (I’m still with Richford lease). All I need to do is figure how the hell to get to Newport. But there are other options and I’ll have to look into them ALL. I want very much to get back to Richford… convenient and comfortable and familiar and “Home”. – En route to Franklin, talked with Nanc… “It’s Karma. You’ve been through so much shit, and now the good Karma you deserve is finally coming.” – Sun came through! Took some pics. Ate yoghurt fm IGA as I drove. SO hungry! – Again… Got turned round, tried U-turn, almost went into a ditch! This shit worries me! I seem to be unable to think sensibly! Brain-toast! Stress fm NYC? I need to decompress. – Back at the house, 17.00, first words from Bob: “Have you had dinner?” Imagine? People think of me… I’m dumbfounded. (and I declined the offer… I don’t want to take advantage of them). We both thought: the house is right across from car dealer! Check there! (I DO NEED a car now! And Nanc offered to co-sign… My Life is turning SO unfamiliar with Kindnesses!!!) I put their cheese in fridge, came up to the room, ate ALL of “my” cheese and 2 MaeWest… “meal”. – Staying pretty much to my-self for now so stayed in room. – SO tired… by 20.30… lights out. It’s been a very stressful past couple of days.

Fri.28.Jun: $702 TO BE POSTED

Sat.29.Jun: 9.35 Slept through until about 8.30! House is quiet!!! Bob not in. Val and Carly expected to leave on the wk-end. – I wonder: should I get a lap-top… get telecommute work… write next book? – (On Sun.30.Jun 9.04)
Well… it became a rather interesting day, all told, I imagine. I have, in fact, gotten a lap-top. The same piece of shit that gave me so much trouble when Silas had given me the “Guilt Gift”. (So far, I’m having much better luck with this one… I wonder why that is.) – I left the house at about 13.30 and was going to look for cars this afternoon, but decided to hit the 89 and go for the lap-top. With this, hopefully, I’ll be better able to find a car and a job! The trip was made so much easier by the fact that I discovered the way to plug in the iPod in the car and so, cruising down the 89, mes tunes de Country-Québec playing, the surroundings quite familiar, away I went. – Ah… when I got to Winooski THE STORM broke loose! Pouring rain so heavily that some vehicles actually had to pull off the road! It was AMAZINGLY STRONG! But I kept going and drove out of it. The wonder of it all was the fact that one could actually see the line of the dark clouds above and just beyond their edge was clear sky and sun-shine… but not for those of us under. – I got to mall at Williston quite OK, got into the store and as I chatted with the sales person and browsed the lap-tops… BOOM! THE STORM ARRIVED! TORRENTIAL!!! But I was inside and all was rather well. I took my time looking, browsing and considering and this, my purchase, was the cheapest and that’s what I was looking for: cheap and quick. Eventually I want to get something much better, but for now, this is fine. I don’t have the money for this purchase right now, I can ill-afford it, but I do need it here and now. So, I walked out the door with this Toshita. – As I headed back for the 89 I suddenly thought: I KNOW somebody in BTV whom I haven’t seen in almost 2 years and whom I’d truly like to see… I KNOW somebody in BTV who isn’t on the shit-list…. ROBIN! So to the Bel-Air I went and there she was! It was MAGNIFICENT seeing her again, being remembered (fondly) and chatting as if we’d been great, life-long Friends. (I even got the chance to plug the place with a woman who was just checking in! Gladly, I might add.) We chatted for the better part of an hour and she wished me well, welcomed me “Home” (I’m considered “Home” here… un-like in NYC where I was more a burden than much else) and as I left, she told me to come visit when-ever. Yes, I am “Home” here. – The drive back North was calmer and more musical since I was in high spirits. It’s a delight to be considered at “Home” by others, particularly here, of all places. – I stopped at Wetherby’s for a vodka… only this time, because I was in GOOD spirits today, and chatted with the fellow there about the weather and such. – It’s terribly difficult to leave Richford. I actually feel that that is where I should be. THAT is “Home” now. But for now, I am at “Home” here and eventually I will be able to return to Richford… I’ll make certain of that. – Took the Northern, back roads back to the house and enjoyed every moment of the trip. Making this trip on foot is going to prove EXTREMELY difficult. A car isn’t just a little something that would be nice to have now… No market, no banque in town. So, there is much to be done to get a car… SOON! Still, it’s a delight coming into this little town, in no-where, with so few people and not much else. I DO LOVE being here… and apparently, HERE loves me being here as well. – I came directly to the room to set-up the lap-top and Bob came in for a while to chat about… chat. I went down-stairs for a while to watch TV with him and Lyle for a bit whilst the lap-top did what-ever it will. “Homeyishly”. – It was already rather late (approx. 21.00 or so) by now and so, I returned to the room to finish with the lap-top. – Today’s note: 4 MaeWests is really not enough to live on in a day and that’s all I’ve eaten all day… those and a Coke. Difficult days are coming where food is concerned… and travel… and mail and such. But you know? Tonight I stepped out back to have a smoke, the sky was clear, the stars weren’t many but they were perfect little specks of light against the indigo sky and as I looked up into the vastness of it all I thought: “It’s all going to be just fine this time. It’s all going to work through and soon enough, all will be as if I’d been born into this.” As Robin and I agreed: For some un-known reason, THIS is where I should have been all along, there’s something about this area that makes even my spirit feel quite where it’s supposed to be… until the day when I go HOME. – It was a late night getting to sleep… following a straight vodka, which was more in line of a quiet celebration of things. Oh, I looked to see if SB is still around and found that he’s listed as being in BTV and working at VTB. But there’s a picture of him in front of a place by a river that I can’t quite figure. I think of him often, wondering if he’s in the “North Country” or still in the southern parts. For brief moments I’d like to look him up, get in touch. But then I remember: He has my phone number and e-mail addresse and he hasn’t tried to contact me so, it’s probably in my best interest to simply leave it all as it is. “That” was “then” and the out-come wasn’t exactly favourable. He’s still quite young and immature… let him grow up (if ever he does) and see what Time will bring along. Too bad…

Sun.30.Jun: 9.28 Still getting this lap-top together the way I want it to be. Yet another day of sun-clouds-threats-storms. It’s a dreary sort of “Summer” but you know? I don’t mind. – Anyway, I’m getting this Journal caught-up. (And some-how, I just put this lap-top in “Airplane” mode! It cut the Internet for a moment. SHIT!) – 22.24 Well… it’s been quite the week: having the car, buzzing about, trying to semi-settle in the smaller room, waiting for Val and Karly/Harley to prep to leave, getting used to being in yet, another place (the 4th in just under 3 months), getting things together… And tomorrow, the Truth of this hits: the car goes back and I’m looking at quite the hikes to come. In the morning, I bring the car to BTV and then have to wait until about 16.30 for the Link back North. And that will bring me to St.A… about 20-some miles from town. If I can still maintain my old pace of walking and have to walk the whole distance, it should take me about 4 hours or so. I’ll be back in the house by about 21.30 I figure. Oh well. Try and tell me that I’m not “stoic”. After that will be interesting because it’s about the same distance to Richford from the house and that’s where the cheque from the studio will be delivered. So I’ll have to take a day to walk over there to get he cheque, not to mention, the banque is there too. Must do something about travel. Right now I don’t know what. But things will settle. At least I’m prepared for it all. After all: I managed the entire Winter up here… alone. It will be fine… one way or another. – Today the sun came through and with it, the miserable heat and humidity. I spent all of the day in-doors at one place or another. This morning was a waste, working on getting the lap-top in order to where I’m almost comfortable with it. Then, at the last moment, I decided that I will NEED telephone service and the ONLY way I was to get that is with a new phone. So… into the car (whilst I may) and off to St.A. for a new phone and yet, another phone number. Not to meniton, more money that I don’t have to spend. But, if I’m to make any money, I’ll need a job and to get a job I’ll need a working phone. Invest in myself. Why? I’m not at all certain. But I do what I must for as long as I must and when I no longer must, I stop. – The fellow (Zachary) at the store was a bit of a delight once we settled that I was not there to put up with the “hard sell” routine. I said what I wanted and that’s what I got and when I walked out of the store, it was complete. – The drive back Home was beautiful! There’s been so much rain and cloud through the season but there was a break today. Ever so welcome. – Back at the house, I managed to find SO much music that I thought I’d lost. In the mayem of getting things together to leave Richford, so many files and such got misplaced. But I found quite a bit today and am organising it… at last. – Add: I can’t help but wonder where SB is these days. I wonder if he believes that I actually “hate” him. I don’t. I don’t trust him. But I certainly don’t hate him. And I’m certainly not going to look for him. – At the house, V and KH are packing. Val and I chatted a bit. She’s from the southern part of the State and is returning this week. She’s rather nice to talk with, although she and her daughter can be rather noisey. Things will calm down when it’s only the 3 of us in the house and I tend to be non-existent anyway. – Tonight, Bob prepared a lovely dinner… unfortunately it was roast pork. Yes, it was delicious but I’m sure it’ll clean me right out tomorrow. Hopefully not whilst I’m trapped in BTV for that 8 hours or so. AND… NOT as I’m on the road back to the house! Still, it was most welcome to eat something other than MaeWest and Coke which is what I’ve been eating for the past 24-plus hours. So tonight I ate “food” for tomorrow’s adventure. (I have to check food stamps tomorrow too. Hopefully they’ll be available and I’ll be able to eat something during the day.) – A little time watching TV down-stairs with Lyle this evening. I’m always invited to sit with them in the living-room whilst V/KH tend to stay in the “media room” up-stairs. I think L/B are quite happy I’m here. I hope they are. – The rent is paid through August at this point and the next cheque will cover 2 more months (or a payment on a car). – And I just remembered that I have to hitch into Jericho tomorrow at noon! That’s about 30 miles from BTV. Have to look at a car (that I can’t afford just at the moment but will be able to when the next cheque arrives… and hopefully Anne Marie hasn’t forgotten to post!) – Well, it’s getting late and I must get some snooze in tonight. As I say: A LOT of WALKING come tomorrow. Let the OK weather hold for me… please. – No words from NYC today. It was “Pride”. Not that that makes any difference to me. NYC: Everybody dealing with HIV or AIDS or HepC now. Honestly… it’s a comfort to be here. People are in relatively good health.