Tue.01.Sep: 8.06 So... lights out at about 23.00 last night. Up to pee at 4.30 and I ALMOST stayed up. But then decided to “snooze”... until 5.00. HAH! 7.30 was more like it. And so, 7.35, up, pee, coffee, grab some lavage from the bed-room floor and... just in from a half-smoke on the front porch in the grey skies and the not-TOO-bad morning temperatures. Although the termo in the boudoir reads 20°. So much for all the “out-doorsie” sort of shit today... or, at least, this morning. I shouldn't really even be making a wash. But 'tis the beginning of the season where-in-by, if I were to wait for warm and sunny days... I wouldn't do a thing for another 9 months. HERE WE GO, LADIES, GENTLEMEN AND THE REST OF YOU! Mornings that remain dark until 9.00, nights that don't fall but crash at 16.30. Oil in the furnace, mind the electric radiators. (I'm actually glad I looked at those 200$ months on the electric bills from last year. SAVE CASH! DAMNIT!) And I just have to wonder if this Winter won't take me away, out, from this existence. Ah, “they” say I've another 20 years to go. Nah. Don't wan'em, thanks. We shall see... - Meanwile, my eyes want to close, for some reason. As if I got something in them as I slept or... that I slept that soundly and heavily. They just feel “gunked”, as it were. Oh, just more “morning shit”... - So there's the loan payment this morning... after 9.00, to be sure, the lavage, and we'll see where it all goes from there. Indeed. - On we go... (not so much a “KADIMA” as much as a “bo'i” or the sort). - 9.55 WOW! OK! Lavage is on the line and on the rack. Post is in: a “survey” of my “experience” at the ER. THANKFULLY... NOT A BILL... (yet... it's coming... I'm sure). Jeans on the line with China-shit clips. Fuck. Oh well... They're washed, up, and there's a “wind”. Hopefully they won't come down... in the fucking garden. And, the house is in order. - Got to “thank” Deb for the jam. Chatted with Suzie. All's done... Finish coffee and... go back to bed. (J'joke... partially.) - 10.05 Loan paid... Day's done... - (2.10 b3v-tons in and so much fun on twtr. Now... i must get to snooze! Oh... and Donna rang last evening. )

Wed.02.Sep: 10.22 I truly really do need to stop this “3 drinks and to bed at 2.00” bull-shit. Crawling out of bed at 9.00 and “floating” about the world, first thing in the morning. OK. So it's raining, drizzly, over-cast and will, as I see, be this way all through the day so there's really nothing that can be done in the “great out of doors”, but still... I have managed to get the trash into the bin out back, the house is “in order”, as it were. I'll need to get to town for some smokes (and don't have enough cash-on-hand again, to get smokes through the month oh well... “again”). Other than that... other than that. And I was feeling rather OK-fine until I came back in from putting the trash out. Now, it's a matter of heavy chest, packed sinuses, “dry” eyes and a quick check in the mirror and I “appear” perfect fine. So? If I “appear” to be perfectly fine... I AM perfectly fine. And that's all there is to this. Meanwhile, out front, the town's-folk are gathered. How charming. And I'm in a “mood” because “Carrie Champlain” responded to my “text” of yesterday with “did you want the 3 bedroom? Refresh my memory.” I replied and there's been no reply so I'll just scratch that. I wonder how many places these folks own, where they are and in what condition. But I'm not going out of my way to find out. I'll just re-post my post to the crgslst and let it go at that. Hey... I've attended this place in good order in addition to paying rent. (And there's a stove for sale in Altona for 150 and another for 200 if need be... and then I'll just have to figure how to get my investment back along the way... if need be... I'm a “Noo Yawkuh”... Alden is not. And as far as “talk in the town”? Well, they can and probably will say what they will... and it's of no consequence... I've done well here for this place.) Anyway... having coffee, listening to the rain and will have to toddle to the post box in a bit. Other than that... - Odd note though: before actually waking this morning, I was in some half-sleep dream state in which I was looking at the phone, and a string of text messages that were, apparently sent. Each message would start with about 2 or 3 words and then trail off into just lettres and numbers and symbols. There were MANY of them and I kept thinking that the phone had composed and sent them by itself. I was “concerned” about who, if any-one, received them and it all seemed real... until I some-how thought “This isn't happening and I need to wake up to stop it.” And so I did. - Then there was that dreamlette of yesterday: In Oma's kitchen, she was preparing a fish dinner with 2 “angel fish” sort of fare, neither of them much larger than the palm of the hand. One was already prepared and I was helping with the 2nd. I'd put it into the kitchen basin where there was all sorts of bits of herbs from the prep of the 1st fish, and as I ran some water in, the fish came to life! In a bit of a panic, I wanted to “save” it so I ran more water in but only just barely enough for it to breathe whilst on its side. The water level rose and there was some run-off that went into a drain and as I tried to “rescue” the fish, it went over the edge and down the drain. Oma wasn't please because I'd lost the fish, but I was relieved because it was set free. - OK. So I've jotted that. The “congregants of the town have departed. I'll toddle to the post box and then... finish my coffee. Amen. - 10.50 Post is in... a post-card from Burpee and that's that. So now, feeling “strangled” round the old chest... the day rolls along. - 12.03:
HERE'S A NOTE FOR A KICK IN THE NUTS... I JUST HAPPENED TO SIT, TO “RECONCILE” BANQUE ACCOUNTS JUST NOW, JUST TO “SEE” WHAT I HAVE AND DON'T HAVE AND WHEN I GOT TO THE “VT” ACCOUNT, THERE WAS QUITE THE DISCREPANCY (and a bit of a shocker). FIRST OF ALL, THE RENT CHEQUE FOR SEPTEMBER (THIS MONTH) CLEARED YESTERDAY... ON THE 1st OF THE MONTH! IMAGINE THAT! ARE WE GETTING GREEDY OR RESPONSIBLE? ONE CAN ONLY WONDER. STILL, THE “BALANCE” WAS QUITE ENTIRELY TOO HIGH! A GLEANING OF THE TRANSACTIONS SHOWED... THE MEDICARE CHARGE FROM THE AUGUST SOC.SEC. HAS BEEN *** REFUNDED ***!!! AS OF THIS MORNING! THE 144,60 IS IN THE ACCOUNT! AS OF YESTERDAY, I'D RESIGNED AND RESOLVED TO SIMPLY MOVE ON, CONVINCED, BY THE WORDING OF THE LATEST CORRESPONDENCE FROM DSS, THAT I WASN'T GOING TO EVER SEE THAT PAYMENT AGAIN. AH-HAH! AND HAD I NOT LOOKED AT THE ACCOUNT TODAY, I'D NEVER HAVE KNOWN. I AM... IN A BIT OF A SHOCK HERE. SOME-THING ACTUALLY WORKED-OUT! (I wonder if Mme. Congresswoman Stefanik had any-thing to do with this. I don't suppose I'll ever know but... “knowing” is the important matter at hand... having the extra cash is... well...!) GOODNESS GRACIOUS ME! (I'll be whammy-hammered in another way... I've no doubt.)
Well then and for now... oddly, I've no interest in today's coffee, nor in today's “tea”. I've had only one coffee, am not hungry, still heavy in the chest and don't really want to take a Naproxen this early in the day but might just have to. My sinuses are a bit “packed”. My eyes want to nap. The sun is trying to break through the clouds but it's wet out there and it's warming-up as the clouds thin... making it humid. Oh well and alas and gee... if need had been, I could actually make the trip to Champlain! Let's see how it all moves along. I'm going to keep the plan as was before the “wind-fall”... there are SO many OTHER expenses I MUST prepare for. BUT, at least THIS month I know there'll be the full income (and I can stuff that PartB into the oil or electric or...) - 21.52 Last smoke. Meal was the same tonight as last night. I DID make the trip into FamDoll for 2 packs, another candle (Mahogany and Sandalwood) and a tin of condensed milk which I tried to “cook” but I don't believe it worked well. It's in the fridge over-night. Why? I don't really know. Anyway, there's still about 150 in the banque! I'm still in a bit of a shock here. (I could take that trip to Tahawus! I'll consider.) Much watching of “QI” this evening. Took another Naproxen with cinnamon tea earlier. Two for today. My chest feels better. Had a 2-hour lie-down today too. It was a “heavy” day. And tonight... no... NO beverages! Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Oh... and got a little bit of green “remnant” carpet for the back door. Fine. Done. The day, the whole ordeal of a day. I'm off to teeth-brushing and O.Henry. Another day... in my “66th year”. Fuck. -

Thu.03.Sep: 7.35 Woke, actually, at 5.55 this morning, feeling quite well and quite well-rested. Lights were out at about 22.00 last night. I laid in the bed, almost rejoicing at how well I felt and... went right back to sleep... as I do when I wake up from ANY sleep. And then IT happened... the DREAM:
Hemorrhoid surgery. The “time of day” was both, early in the morning and later in the evening. The sky was grey, so there was a “darkness about it. The hospital was both familiar and strange. There was some sort of “connection” with it. I was working or had worked in it. I some-how “knew” the lay-out and some of the staff and I didn't know either. I'd been “seen” by some-body that morning for some-thing. I'm not sure what, exactly, nor exactly when, but I was to be admitted on that particular day as well. It's wasn't “emergency” surgery, but it was to be done that day (or night or the next day... that wasn't exactly “firm” through-out the dream). I was wandering about in the hospital, from floor-to-floor, ward-to-ward. I chatted with some of the staff, none of whom I truly trusted for some reason. We were friendly enough. As I say, I had some connection with the place and them. There were Nurses I despised (a “Mangaroo” sort of “Charge Nurse”, either in the floor where I was to be admitted or not; every concept of the place and people was ambiguous). At one point, I was in a “ward” where the walls were painted a pale blue: “6-North” of Calvary, though I thought it was 5-North in the dream... since 4-North, where I worked (in Calvary) was yellow. It was both familiar and strange, as I say, and this ward was very dimly lighted and almost empty. I thought it to be where I was to be admitted. I wandered about for a bit and then wanted to step out for a smoke but knew that, with-out ID of some sort, if I stepped out there would be difficulty getting back in and I'd probably have to go through “triage” and a slew of other bull-shit all over again, from the beginning, as it were, until some-body found my “records” and knew that I was to be admitted. And then, I'd have to listen to the chastising: “You shouldn't be smoking!” and “This is a no-smoking establishment!” and it all annoyed me more than concerned me. But... I decided to give it a go any-way and managed to walk out the front door. The hospital was quite large... almost similar to that “Fanny-some-thing-body” in BTV. But it was on an expansive grounds... nothing else to be seen around it, almost like an “IBM” building, a combination of Poughkeepsie and E. Fishkill..., “remote”. I walked away from the building and toward a parking lot where my truck was parked... some-where. I wasn't even quite sure of it's location because I'd come into the hospital via the ER... HOURS before, and as I walked, I had a smoke. Whilst out, I remembered that I would need car-fare to get back home post-op. I reached into my pocket and took out my wallet. There were several bills folded in there in different denominations: 1, 5, 10, 20, 30 and 50. I THOUGHT I'd need the 30 to get a “book” or a “set” of tokens or a “card” of some sort. I was some-what familiar with the “system” of car-fare but it had been a while since I'd last bought and there was some un-certainty about it. So I walked along until I met a crowd of people heading to the “subway”... some distance from, yet close enough to the hospital. As I walked along, I went for the 30$ bill in the wallet but was nervous about others seeing the cash. Down the stairs to the “token booth”, the crowd was almost massive, as if a “rush-hour”. I followed them along, listening to some talking about having to buy tokens. The “30” was mentioned most often so I felt a bit assured. I never did make it to the booth though and decided to wait until post-op. I had some thoughts about the fact that I was still wearing my own clothes and would have to get “hospital attire”. I didn't even slightly appreciate the very thought of the loose pajama-like pants, the “Johnny coat” and such, and the fact that I'd have to part with my wallet! But I walked along, to return to the hospital in some sort of “resignation”, which made me all the more anxious and almost angry. Getting back in... well... as I approached the front door, the surgeon who was to operate was coming out of a meeting and recognised me. (I never knew who he was, name, nothing, but he some-how knew me.) He greeted me by name and chatted, apathetically, about the impending surgery. Asked, as they will, how I was feeling. He was in a group of “students” or “interns” or some-sort of entourage, and we walked along to a bit of a “table” where there were some Nurses as well. There was to be a “conference” or “consult” or “report” with them. I was allowed to follow and sit with. As the Dr. and I walked along, I had “second thoughts” about the surgery. I thought of saying “I don't understand why I'm having surgery for hemorrhoids when they're not bothering me. But I DO have a bit of trouble with my breathing and maybe you might want to address that instead.” bit as I thought it, the Dr. addressed me with some kind of comment referencing some sort of “button” (growth) that he wanted to get rid of. As for him, he was quite tall, very slim, and perhaps in his “worn 50s or 60s”, appearing older than actual and looking quite tired. Then as we sat at the staff gathering, he kindly suggested that I might want to go to my room and prepare for the surgery. Apparently it was to be that night. I still had no idea WHY THIS surgery was to happen and I didn't like it at all in the least and began thinking that there was nothing keeping me in the hospital, that I could simply walk away, get into the truck and drive off... and all of this will have never have taken place. But I got up and walked into the hospital to go to the “Admissions” desk... and... I woke.
Well! WTAF was THAT all about? In thinking, it might have had some-thing to do with a couple of episodes of “QI” last night. There was a mention of a doctor who could amputate a leg in “28 seconds”... back in the day when “there was no anaesthesia” and one of the panellists DID mention “hemorrhoids” and the notion of having an entire leg cut off with-out anaesthesia did strike me a bit deep. I wonder what sort of “pain” I had in my sleep that brought surgery on. Oh well... anyway... I was up and out of bed at about 7.00-ish... I can't recall when, exactly, but I DID get quite a night's sleep... in spite of the fact that, I was tired when I went to bed, tired as I finished reading, but couldn't get to sleep until... as I recall... it was after mid-night because, I remember laying there thinking that I'd just give into a night of insomnia and get out of bed at 2.00, put on the coffee and that I could always “nap” and “snooze” during the day as necessary... and the next thing... it was 5.55... - And now, at 8.19... I'd stepped out to the front porch for a smoke... and that thermometer read “56F”. The window fan read 63F. There's condensation on the kitchen a loo windows, a faint “fog” on the mountains and it's noticeably warmer in the house than out-side, though out-side isn't all that too cold. Ah... “it's” coming... the “heating season”. After all... this IS “September” and this will roll into October and then... NOVEMBER! The month that I fucked-up last year with heating with the oven... NOT again this year, to be sure. - OK. So, time for coffee... I've had the first with vit.C. And there's still some “work” I want to do with last month's Journal and some photos. Not sure what the day will bring, especially now that there's not reason to go to Champlain and I can afford to take the truck on the road a bit (Tahawus or other). I CAN shop. I don't want to spend the money (because I'll need it for bills, to be sure). Getting gas for the truck? Moriah! Jeezus! Well... as I say... the day will deliver what is does and all will be “known” this evening... as usual. Meanwhile... along we plod. - 11.37 JEEZUS! After pissing-away hours looking for replacements for the garden cart and finding them at... 50$! I checked e-mail... LIZ AGAIN! AND... she's in the Rutland area! FUCK! I'm seriously considering a reply but... - Meanwhile, the temperature is delightful, the skies are clouding and I'm toying with where to go for gas and whether or not I want to go any-where else, in search of twine (5-7$ at Tractor Supply, Ticonderoga) and/or anything else. (Oddly... the e-mail from L. has brought back the tightness in the chest... that and the inability to decide about the “road trip”.) If I didn't have to pee constantly, travel might be easier to decide but I'm like an “old shit” needing to pee on a constant basis. - Deb left another jar of preserves at the door this morning. I washed the bath towel and it's on the rack out back. Will have to bring it in with the clouds. Oh well... another “typical” day... as it were. - 21.35 Well, spoke with Donna this evening... Inquiring about Dorothy's eye surgery. There's no “news”. But we had a wonderful chat.
AND... THAT FUCKING DOLT, PETER D. WAS BY AT THE PEE-OH AGAIN TODAY, PRESUMABLY ABOUT THE FUCKING FLAG. OH! I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHERE IT ENDS UP NOW! FUCK. IF THEY REALLY HAD ANY SENSE, THERE'S A PERFECT RAIL WHERE THEY COULD ATTACH A LONG ACTUAL POLE, DIRECTLY OUT-SIDE THE DOOR, WHERE THEY COULD HOIST A FLAG THAT WOULDN'T BE IN THE WAY, WOULDN'T TOUCH THE ROOF AND BE RIPPED TO SHREDS. BUT NO... I'VE LITTLE-TO-NO DOUBT IT'LL END UP SOME-WHERE ON THE FRONT PORCH HERE AGAIN. MEANWHILE, I'M JUST IN FROM A SMOKE AND ONE OF THE IDIOTS MOVED THE SENSOR ON THE LIGHT SO THAT WHEN I WENT TO THE PORCH, THE LIGHT CAME ON! AND YES, I HAVE RE-POSITIONED IT... AGAIN! IT'S NOT SO MUCH THE FUCKING AUDACITY OF MOVING IT AS IT IS THAT THEY'VE NO CONSIDERATION OF THE FACT THAT I PAY TO RESIDE HERE. JUST ANOTHER ENCOURAGEMENT TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE... ASAP.
As for the day? Wasted. At about 13.00 I took a lie-down until 14.00. It was still over-cast so I decided to drop plans for travel today. Perhaps tomorrow, to get out of here for a while, give the truck a run and hopefully pass an inspection? Anyway... - Meal was pasta with tomato-salmon and bread with “dolce de leche” on. And I've just had a cinnamon tea whilst watching “QI”. - Also had a Naproxen with meal but there's tightness in the chest anyway. Oh, watch, this'll stop working too. Oh well. - But for now, I do believe it's time to get to bed. Should weather permit, as is forecast, I WILL take a trip to Plattsburgh tomorrow, a bit of Walmart, maybe some Lowes... The wheel for the cart is out unless I can find the tube and tyre cheaply enough, Other-wise... no. - But for tonight, any thoughts of “home-improvements” here are out. I'll do what I need to be comfortable whilst here and other-wise... all can go bloody fuck themselves until their eye-balls bleed before I'll perform “maintenance and improvements”. - I am tired and it IS time for a snooze. Another day... gone. - 23.00 on the mark... DAY IS DONE!

Fri.04.Sep: 3.17 ***** AND THE TRUCK IS INSPECTED!!! ***** EVERY-THING IS *** NY ***
Lights went out at 23.00 and I did get some sleep and in that sleep, two dreams of a disturbing nature so here I sit, at O.Henry's “droring” table, re-dressed and morning coffee at hand...
Dream: In a rather shabby bit of a room in a rather shabby sort of a place, and in the room, a small, metal-framed bed with old mattress, in the corner opposite, an old, large, sort of “LazyBoy” recliner, and a “re-claimed” old juke-box that I'd spray-painted with silver paint and “stacked” with a collection of 45s. The bed wasn't “made”, sheets askew and the likes. And the room lit by some sort of “fluorescent” light in the ceiling. There was a older guy, the sort and likes of Lyle, sitting, or “lounging” in the recliner. He was a neighbour from the shanty next. I was busy, sorting through the 45s on the bed and in a box as I stacked them, with care, into the old juke-box. The old guy was extremely impressed with the collection of music on the discs and I'd handed him a stack that I'd been looking at. When he'd done looking through them, he tossed them, after a fashion, back onto the bed and some of them fell to the floor. “The last one to do that”, said I, as I pointed to the records on the floor “is dead.” meaning the night on Hill St. when the old man had come bounding into Cindy's room, off the kitchen, taken all my 45s and thrown them against the wall in one of his fits. “Oh, that was a long time ago.” said the old guy, not in an angry or nasty way, just saying. “It wasn't all that long ago... and then again it was, but it wasn't long enough ago to be forgotten and it could, very well happen again if I were to let it.” I replied, a little annoyed but not angry. “Look”, I told the old guy, as I pointed to the juke-box, “that's the last thing I ever wanted to do in my life-time and now it's done. I wanted to re-build G's juke-box and tonight I'm just about finished. Then I can cuddle-up and settle-down with it until...” I wondered if the old guy had even the slightest notion as to what “G's” was or what I was talking about and I worried that he might and I would have been quite relieved if he did, but I didn't pursue the point. The old guy got up off the recliner and came over to me, put his arms round my shoulders and asked “Do you want that cuddle?” in a sort of sympathetic-yet-sarcastic tone. “No.” I bluntly replied. “I'm perfectly fine with it as it is. I just want to get the rest of these (the 45s) together where they belong. Then it's all done and all over.” “Oh, you'll be around to listen to it for quite a while longer.” said the old guy. “I don't want to be.” I said... and the dream ended... I woke... it was about 1.30-some-thing when I glanced at the clock... and I drifted back into a half-sleep.
Next dream: Sitting with a few folks, Liz was amongst them. We were all of “Albany” age, as it were, sitting about in a “dorm” sort of room when I had an itch on my right thigh, just above the knee. Pulling my leg up to look, I noticed a bit of a small “lump” in the skin... round, with little red dots round the edge and an indentation in the centre. It was about the size of a large zit. I had another itch on the under-side of my right wrist as well. But I wanted to “pop” the thing on my leg and so, between my two thumbs, I gave it a squeeze and suddenly, the head of a “centipede”, white with pink, popped out of the centre. I didn't panic, was rather disgusted but not repulsed and continued to squeeze and as I did, more of the insect came crawling out. It was of a considerable size, about 4-5cm in length total, fully formed. I looked over at Liz who was watching a bit amazed and in silence. I couldn't understand how everybody in the room just watched, doing and saying nothing. Suddenly, as I continued squeezing the insect out of my leg, the pressure I was exerting on my hand was forcing another insect out through the skin on my wrist. I couldn't see that one because of my shirt-sleeve, but I felt it coming out and it fell down, into the sleeve of my shirt. I couldn't decide whether to continue squeezing my leg or to remove my short to get the other one out before it found a place to burrow on my arm again. And... as I woke out of this dream I consciously wondered WHAT the actual fuck, is going on with my body that I'd be dreaming of insects crawling about in my body... Was I itching in my sleep? Was I in pain else-where in my body? Is this premonitory? I opened my eyes... the hour was 3.01... Rather than try to fall back to sleep and fall into yet another strange and disgusting dream, I decided that I'd just stay awake.
As I laid there in the bed, only slightly debating as to whether or not to get up, the bull-shit with the post office light and the fucking flag started annoying me. I considered going to Suzie in the morning and asking if she or Peter had moved the sensor and to tell her, sternly, that if ANY of these shit-bags (particularly Peter Deming) gave even the slightest fuck about the god-damned flag, they'd have the better sense to put a proper pole up where-by the flag could fly AT the post office and NOT on the property being paid for as residence next door. AND that they all give NO respect to or for the fact that I AM and have been in paid residence in this house, never mind the fact that I maintain the front of both the post office and the house, I sweep, shovel snow, mow when I can and keep the place presentable. The very least they could do is to have the civility and basic human decency to consult with me before taking all sorts of matters into their own hands... ignoring my presence completely, until such time as when I find another place... for which I am actively looking and will leave here as quickly and quietly as I arrived. THEN came the annoyance of the e-mail from Liz! I want to reply to make it clear that I don't want further correspondence from her, that I've been quite well all these years with-out her and the relatives in my existence but I want to compose something “kind yet stern” as a reply... Well, the aggravation of ALL THAT took hold and I simply decided to let it all go, give in and well... just get up. If I get tired at some point later, I can take another “snooze”. I was hoping to get a full night's sleep and go some-where, do some-thing during the day today but... We shall see how THIS cluster-fuck rolls-out... when it rolls down. For now? Coffee is at hand, I'm dressed, have had a half-smoke, will go for the other half and compose to Liz... after which, I need to “clean-up” the “August” Journalling with images and get this all better organised on the lap-top because right now... I'm up to 18 pages, as it were, with the last of August and the beginning of September. So... that recorded... off we go... Looks like another day has commenced. - Noting here though: yesterday, my left ear itched and I had at it with an alcohol-soaked swab... the swabs came out clean so I returned to the table to soc.med. when I felt something “move” in that ear and putting my pinky-finger in, came out with another glob of ear-wax. That's happened before but it's never “comforting”. AND... as I'm typing all of this, my face and arms itch terribly! I have to wonder about the “bugs” dream and the little gnats I keep seeing flying about... and this IS the season for things to start coming into the house... then too, there's the cellar and the wall and the insulation that I sprayed with hornet spray some weeks ago and... oh well... let's just chalk it all up to “stress” and “anxieties” and “aggravation” and Social Security and let it all go at that. Shall we then? Oh indeed, let's just fucking shall. - 8.04 Well, the Town Clowns came by at 7.00 to mow the fucking lawn at the “park”. Thankfully I was still up. - Sent a reply to Ms. Liz. That should end the intrusions. It was “civil” beyond descriptives. - Coffee is done. The sun is up. I'm off to a smoke on the porch and then... a snooze, location to be decided. I'm not “tired” but a touch fatigued. Fuck this day. And it's supposed to be quite nice weather. - I'm just disgusted. - 10.24 Round TWO! I DID get some sleep again... obviously not enough to compensate but more, And am having an instant Bustelo... it's been a long time. And the village idiots have gathered at the window and I'm listening to “Radio l”Estrie” to drown-out the cackle. - Anyway.. having my coffee, settling my chest and on to the rest of this brilliantly sunny day... probably off to Plattsburgh. - 20.04
After a brief chat with Suzie this morning where-in I made my suggestion about the flag pole and mentioned my plans to leave New Russia and why (with emphasis on the disrespect) and having her tell me that the fuktard Peter Demings told her that it's “illegal” to leave the flag out at night with-out a light on it... at about 11.30... I took off on the road for Plattsburgh! Managed to make it to a browse through Home Goods (and bought nothing), them moved on to Walmarde where I got quite a bit that was on my list EXCEPT the fucking tyre and tube (and flower pots... and there was NO “Murphy's Oil Soap” to be found... imagine that). But I DID get a 98-cent “laundry basket” for the lamp shade for the porch... I hope it works and will find out soon enough, I suppose. Got a pillow for the futon as well. Oh, and a spool of twine to bundle the cuttings in the back. (Let's see if anybody will buy them? I'll tie some bundles and put them on the front porch for the week-end... since this is the “last official week-end of the season.) Very nice. 30$ down... Came out of there and dropped into Michael's where I got the spray-glue for the ceiling cloth in the truck. And it's working nicely... thus far. I did the gluing before I even left the parking lot. Stopped at Mobil for 30$ in gas... which didn't fill the tank but just over the 3/4 mark but it was still MUCH cheaper than Westport, to be sure. Was going to head to Tractor Supply to check on the tyre and a hummie-feeder but was rather “fatigued” (no wonder, with the lack of proper sleep) so when I got to the Northway... I headed south... and rolled along. Sadly, radio reception from MTL is SHIT these days so the trip was in relative silence. - Ah... EXIT 32... AND A SNAP DECISION... SINCE IT WAS ABOUT 15.30-ISH... TO STOP AT RICHIE'S SINCE IT'S BEEN OVER 2 WEEKS AND NO DASH LIGHTS. ONTO THE 9... THROUGH LEWIS AND E-TOWN, I ARRIVED AT RICHIE'S JUST AS HE WAS CLOSING. WHEN I TOLD HIM ABOUT THE DASH LIGHTS AND THE RUN TO PLATTSBURGH HE HAD GARY CHECK... SOME-THING “ON HOLD” OR SOME-THING TO THE LIKES... “THERE WAS A CONDITION THAT'S JUST RECORDED BUT THIS SHOULDN'T FAIL THE INSPECTION” SAID HE... SO... THE TRUCK GOT ROLLED INTO THE GARAGE, HOOKED TO THE FUCKING COMPUTER AND... ***** IT PASSED!!!***** “WOULD YOU LIKE A BLUE STICKER?” ASKED GARY! PASSED! THE TRUCK IS NOW, AS RICHIE PUT IT “100% LEGAL!” AT LONG... L O N G LAST! IT'S TAKEN ME OVER A YEAR AND TONIGHT, IT'S DONE! THE STICKER WENT ON AND I WENT TO PAY RICHIE. “YOU'RE COVERED.” HE SAID. “HAVE A GOOD WEEK-END AND A GOOD HOLDIAY.” I'M IN SO MUCH SHOCK EVEN STILL THAT I CAN'T FEEL GOOD OR BAD OR ANY-THING, REALLY. JUST UNADULATERATED SHOCK! THIS MEANS THAT ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY EVERY-BLOODY-THING ABOUT THE MOVE BACK TO NY IS NOW COMPLETELY DONE, LEGAL... EVEN THE BLOODY-FUCKING BILLS ARE PAID IN FULL TO-DATE!!!
So, I headed into E-town and to Tops for ice-cream and Murphy's soap, stew-veg for meal this evening (with cold meat-loaf) and then a stop at FamDoll for smokes and LAUGHS... those guys are really looking forward to working with me around the store (imagine that). And rolled into the house at about 17.17... put “The Five” on the lap-top, veg on the stove, cut the meat-loaf and sat to eat... at last. - ***** WHAT A FUCKING DAY! *****
Today, 6 days after my 6-fucking-5th birthday... EVERYTHING is DONE! Truck. Medical. The utilities are paid to-date. The rent is paid to-date. I've NO out-standing bills (save the loan but that's paid to-date as well). There's literally NOTHING that I need be anxious about! NOTHING! I don't believe I've EVER had a day of this sort in my entire life-time! THIS IS INCREDIBLE!
And now, I'm having a martini as the sun has set and it's already pitch dark out there. - And the e-mail (which I'll have to “save” for my “memoir”, some-how) to Liz was sent and by now, no doubt, has been read. THAT'S another pain in the shitter attended. (Though it bothers me to know that she's just across the lake... and she'd better stay there!) Just incredible. - I rang Donna as I was preparing meal and left a message. I'd laid-down on the futon at 19.00 for a bit and she rang back... CRYING! It seems she must have slept the wrong way last night and now is in such pain! She's taken aspirin, which she doesn't do and has been putting cold packs on. I suggested warm, to relax the muscles. But she cut the chat short... she was actually crying, poor dear. - Well, the day is done, gone, passed and 'tis time for this martini, a bit of “tele”, then into the shower (YAY! Celebration.) and to BED! It's supposed to go down to 9° tonight and then back up to double-digit nights for a while. But, if need be, I'll close the fucking bed-room door so as not be be arsed in the morning with the pee-oh BS. I'll NEED a night of sleep tonight! (I took a Naproxen with meal.) - Oh... and there's still 45 in the banque! Imagine that! There wasn't that much on Soc.Sec. day! AND Wednesday... FOOD! WOW! Just... OMFG WOW! - 23.12 Two martinis... the bottle's empty, a bit of ice cream with dolce de leche, some grapes from Cliff's garden (tart but flavourless and loaded with seeds) and I'm off to the shower and to BED at long last! - WHAT... a fucking day!

Sat.05.Sep: 16.01 I can't believe this day has floated by already! But I can't say that it's been “wasted”. No. In spite of getting out of bed at 9.30... yes... 9.30... it's just rolled by, constantly “occupied”. It started with coffee which was made with interruptions of getting dressed and making “tidy” round the kitchen. The a check of the post at about 10.30 (just a monthly statement from “Trail North” of only one page, thankfully). Then it was on to plucking all the grapes, washing them all properly, laying them out on a plate, a sprinkling of sugar and now there are 2 bags in the freezer. Of course, washing-up after than and moving on to that squash from Vivian. That got peeled and cut and boiled to soften... mashed, mixed with a bit of brown sugar and butter and put into another bag... in the freezer too. Washing-up and going to the “gardens” where more beans have been picked, cleaned, blanched and another bag of those is in the freezer (making 3). And... washing-up. Had a chat with Julius who will be, according to him, doing much travelling come the months. Seems he's got a lot of “free trips” to Florida, Texas and such that his mother won (some-how). Poor guy... he's been working in Bolton and travelling about and hour each way each day. Well? I admire his work ethic. Says he'll be keeping the flat until such time when he can't afford it any longer. (How charming to have a “fall-back”. He also mentioned that he needs to get a “budget” going. Indeed... Still, with the way things are going in this country/world these days, one could rightfully wonder: why bother?) - It was a pretty nice day, all told, weather-wise, though cloudy now and again so there wouldn't have been any sense in “climbing” any-where. Tomorrow, perhaps. I still need to get to the river for “tree water”. I also have to decide what to do with the flowers on the porch. A table of some sort, for the living-room. And I still need to go through photos for the August journal. But at this very moment, I'm just in from a “relax” on the front porch whilst there was sun-shine and warmth out there. There are clouds coming o'er the mountains which brings me in... to prepare “meal” already. - Oh well. - Tomorrow will be cutting more branches, bundling them and bringing the bundles to the front porch. I'll just leave them there and see if there's any interest in them. (Even at 1$ each... it would be some-thing more than I've got at present... and any bit more is more and can go to good use... I should think.) - Monday is a holiday... Labour Day already. KRISTE! This “Summer” just slipped by. But it'll be nice... two consecutive days with-out the pee-oh BS. Shame, really, that my “system” can't take a good drunk any longer. Even now, I've got that “strange taste” and a bit of “pressure” in the chest and throat. Oh well and alas. - So now it's on to “meal” and... and then... another night and back to bed. But again, at least the day wasn't wasted... and no nap either! Very nice indeed. - 24.03 and thankfully, no booze (or meds) and a bit of a snooze after meal and the rest? Pissed away. The fucking Internet just got cut again so... last smoke and to bed. NO PEE-OH tomorrow NOR on MONDAY! YAY!

Sun.06.Sep: 9.15 and didn't get out of bed until 8.45 this morning, following a disturbing dream: Being in VT, in some-one else's home (not sure whose) and,, some-how, having to share it... with... LC! We'd both been there for some sort of time, though we were both still in the process of “moving in”. I happened to bump into her in a hall-way as we were moving things in. At one point, we were sitting in a room, a “den” of sorts, and chatting about moving to VT and I was telling of my time already spent there (the “time” being both long and short and some of my “accomplishments” were those that I've actually done in NY). I was most uncomfortable, being in the same room, let alone, the same house, and not at all happy with knowing that we were both renting the place. She appeared still rather “enamoured” and I was all but physically ill with and about it all. At one point, I needed to go to the loo and left the room, wandered down a hall-way, still rather unfamiliar with the house, found a loo but it was occupied. LC wandered down the same hall-way and I continued on, believing there was another loo, some-where in the house... and I woke. (Apparently, in reality, I needed the loo and that woke me... and saved me from the dream.)
And now, coffee's at hand, and I've had a “quick smoke” in the kitchen. - The sun is shining. It's 19° in the bed-room, the thermostat in the living-room claims 65F. Not too bad this morning. And it's all rather quiet round the place. I woke with the “need” to get those bundles of cut wood done today, and to make the shade for the porch light. “Need”? Well... the wood MIGHT generate a bit of a dollar or two. The shade? A project, really. Thinking of going to get more pallets in town, replacing the nice ones I used for the “compost” and keeping that lumber for some-thing. My mind is always on “keeping busy”. Sad, really, that it's more resented than anticipated with any pleasure. - I noted, when I went to the loo here, how, I wake in the morning's of late, looking terribly “aged” and not at all “rested”. I wonder if I don't have some sort of “sleep aepnea” (or how-ever it's spelt). They used to say that Opa would wake saying he was more tired after a night's restless sleep, and Oma would say that he'd sleep quite soundly... I seem to recall some mention of “aepnea” being mentioned. Oh well... What-ever. - Looks to be a nice day to try to get up to Iron Mtn. for some photos. Well? We shall see what comes of the day... when the day is done. - 21.35 and well, I suppose I managed to “accomplish some stuff” with the time. For one thing, the birch is on the basket, so to speak. The shade for the porch light is looking pretty “OK”. (Even Vivian complimented when I brought it over when I went to chat with her. And, as a matter of “by the way”, she “highly recommended” that “Dr. Halloran” that I've been “assigned”, more or less, but the ER. But, says she, her friends are very please with the Dr. “because they're women” and so is the Dr. which is fine... but I'd still prefer a male Dr. It's my personal “bent”. She also praised Medicare and urged that I find a “primary”.) - Anyway... Alvin is painting a “Thai or Korean Buddha” statue in their back yard. I can't wait to see the finished product... and his “artistic talents”.) And during the chat with Vivian I learnt that Wombat is doing very poorly. Hasn't eaten in some days now, is on medications and is rather at “end of life”. Poor, dear, precious little guy. But it's comforting to know that they're actually caring for and about him. It was difficult to see him, walking so slowly, about the yard. Another life... ending. - Meanwhile, back to “accomplishments”, I managed to cut the remaining limbs in the back and made 10 bundles which have been put on the front porch. Vivian says that the guy up on the hill is completely out of fire-wood... it's sold-out and that putting bundles for sale here is a good idea. She suggested loading the truck and going to the camp-grounds, although folks are leaving for the season this week-end. Well? I've got the bundles on the porch. What happens with them is to be seen. (I've no doubt I'll be bringing them back to the yard in due course. Oh well... we don't know if we don't try.) And it was exercise, which is always a good effort, considering my own “health”. - This evening it was pasta (again) for meal, and quite a bit of it. I'd worked in the yard until almost 17.00! But, made meal and managed to finish by 18.00 any-way. Had a bit of ice cream after. There isn't much of that left now and I refuse to shop for more until Wednesday! (Can hardly wait to see how much in FS I actually get this month... and whether the “Medicaid” will pull it all down, back to the previous or even less... which is what I expect.) - MAJOR “CONTRACTION” IN THE LEFT THIGH THIS EVENING! OUT OF NO-WHERE, FOR NO PARTICULAR REASON. I still say that it's because of my back... pinched nerves. I took a Naproxen with meal. - Donna called to tell me that her neck pain is gone, she's a LOT better but that one of the dogs is not well tonight: belly pains. She'll be checking with the vet tomorrow. We did manage to get in some laughs, as we do. OH! AND DOROTHY'S EYE SURGERY WENT VERY WELL! SHE COMMENTED TO DONNA THAT SHE'S SEEING COLOURS AGAIN! A cap on her eye drops was, to her, brown all along, is actually purple and she never knew! Between Dorothy's success and Donna's, it's making my resolve to have my eyes done (if/when I can afford) a bit stronger... though, with my chest/lungs I'll still hold off. What's the sense in having great vision if I can't breathe properly? Eh? - Anyway.... I'm now having another Naproxen with second v-ton. (The vodka is gone again and the store in town is still closed... and of note, there's still no gas at Sunoco... hmmm...) - Watched a bit of tele with this evening's beverages and I NEED a shower before heading to bed! - Glad I didn't try to head up to Iron Mtn. earlier today. The skies went grey at about the time I'd've reached the summit and the main purpose for the climb is to take photos of New Russia... they'd've been “off colour” with the cloud cover so... another time, another day. But the temperature today was a comfy sort of warmish and, let's say, the time was passed productively. - 23.45 2 v-tons in, all the crisps are done. And I'm off to the SHOWER! (Hopefully the vodka and Naproxen give a night's sleep) - OH. Before I forget: was sitting on the porch earlier this evening, having a smoke, as the sun set o'er yon mountains and a BAT came to the front door! I thought it was a hummie but it got right up to me and I realised... BAT! HOW CUTE!

Mon.07.Sep: 8.50 Imagine... I'm actually up, dressed, coffee, smoke and it isn't yet 9.00. MAYBE I'll start back to some sort of hours that are some sort of “normal”? I doubt it. Next Monday I'm back to work... 14-22.00 so I'll have to be awake during “snooze” and “meal” hours. ICK! Oh well... fine. But aside from a left foot contraction during the night, last, I did manage to get in some pretty good sleep. Two v-tons and a double Naproxen. (So today, I'll try to destroy my-self again... with SOME sort of “hobby” or “project”. There's the lamp-shade, pallets for the shed and compost, and not much else as it looks right now: windy and a touch grey. Thankfully, not bitter cold (yet). Tree water too. Well, 'tis early... let's see how we roll. (My sinuses are “odd” and the world's a bit “woozy” at the moment but...) - And there are “notes” to finish yesterday so on we go... focus darling, focus. - 13.06 THE WIND IS HORRIFIC! WHIPPING THE TREES ABOUT! Thankfully, it's actually WARM! In fact, I've got the doors open to warm the house. It's warmer out there than in here. - This morning's been a bust. I'm considering a trip to the river for “tree water” but with all this wind, it might not be the best move... limbs to fall, the force of the wind making walking difficult (it's “that” strong), never mind the extra effort of carrying the water up the hill. I'd thought about getting pallets today too but... I'm more opposed than in favour of that venture. And trying to “fit” the shade on the light on the porch? Well, I'll need a ladder and with the wind slamming against the house... I doubt that's a grand scheme for today. Oh well... Washing the truck is on my “list” as well and we're to expect rain at about 13.30 so that too, is off for today. It just might be a “wasted” sort of day. Oh well... if there are other days, I can fill those with what I don't manage today. - Meanwhile, admittedly, I've been rather “light-headed” most of the morning any-way. My sinuses are “off”, there's a bit of some kind of “pressure” in the head. I'm not “stuffed” but the pressure is annoying. Oh well... Another day. - So I'll have a tea... Why not? And see what happens next. At this hour, it won't be long until “'meal” again and I'm not sure what that will be tonight. There's chicken in the freezer which, I should put out if I'm to have that tonight. - Next week at this time, I'll be prepping to get to work again. I am and am not looking forward to that. - OK... moving along... moving along... moving... along here. - The warm winds are blasting and with the doors open, the house is warming nicely. (I REFUSE to use the furnace... I just REFUSE!) - 22.22 OFF TO THE SHOWER with 23° and WIND! And I see, Wednesday... 28°! THIS is INSANITY! But I'm NOT complaining! Oddly, I put the fan on in the bed-room a while ago, to bring the WARMTH into the house and it's still running! To think, only a few days ago, I was almost in a panic over getting the “Winterising” for the windows. - Anyway... it's later than I wanted to be up and I don't want to go to bed (as usual) but I'm tired and hoping for NO CONTRACTIONS! We shall see. - Ah... but the wind is so wonderful. Tempting to sleep in the back of the truck. - I DID go to the river for “tree water” after meal. Strolled about. Lovely. The only problem is that it's almost painful these days, hauling it back up the hill. I mean... “painful”. - And I found a bunch of “medical lessons” on “pulmonary”, CA-Lung, and “cardiology” on ootoob this evening. I've down-loaded several. SO wonderful, being “back” in all of that. Now, I'm wondering about this alleged “nodule”. I really can't see any sense in pursuing it here, in NY, with-out knowing the last x-ray/CT. And I most seriously doubt Northwest will send the info directly to me... and I don't trust ANY MD to “share” the facts. But, maybe, when I've nothing else to do, I'll give it all a try. (It doesn't, from the research, appear to be CA, and the surgeries don't seem to be all that horrific... even if they remove a lobe. But... I'm not in the mood now. Life is settling so nicely... I don't want to fuck with it.) - Off to the shower now... this day is DONE!

Tue.08.Sep: 7.51 Some tomatoes on the stove, cooking-down (“reducing”?), the hummie-feeder refreshed, the cuttings from the tomatoes on the compost, of course, I'm dressed, had first coffee and smoke, and I rolled out of the bed at about 6.30. Why so early? Because that's when I woke... and didn't WANT to get out of bed but.... then had to pee and so... the day rolled from there. And here I am. - Had the strangest dream though:
I was to move to Israel late that night or early next morn, not sure, it changed a bit through-out. Was attending a “dinner” of some sort, and there was a woman with. Not certain if it was a friend or acquaintance, possibly LC or some-one of the sort. Any-way, it was a bit of “buffet-style”, serve-your-self, and I was (we were) at a table where there was nothing but potatoes... mashed, boiled, &c. and they looked SO delicious... white, fluffy, clean, and so much butter to be had with. I was starving and potatoes seemed to be “the thing”. So I'd put some on a plate and set the plate on a “side-table” of sorts whilst getting some other food-stuffs, but there were other plates, loaded with potatoes there, as well. I asked the “woman-with” to pass me my plate and she reached for another plate and as she did so, some other woman came over and snapped “WRONG PLATE! WRONG PLATE!” Well, I became annoyed, since all the plates on the table had nothing but potatoes on and angrily I snapped back (in a low voice, but angry, none-the-less) “They're ALL the same contents. Nothing but potatoes. Just plain potatoes. To an extent, I can understand concern, but to get THAT bitchy about a fucking potato is just plain insanity. Fuck. Well... there's goes my dinner. That's e-fucking-nuff.” and I walked away from the entire table, and started out of the room AND the house. Out-side the house, I looked back at the people stuffing their faces and thought “I've got to be out of here in a few hours, on a 14-hour flight, with nothing to eat. And I doubt there'll be food when I get there. Oh well, it's not the first time and it's not as if I've never gone with-out food....” And in anger... I woke.
Potatoes? Israel? What? Oh well. - So here I sit at the kitchen table as the day begins, the fragrance of cooking tomatoes and it's supposed to be a warm day with chances of rain. The sun's about thus far. And my “plans”? Well... perhaps changing the “stand” in the living-room to something that will accommodate more plants for the Winter. That necessitates some wood-cutting of 2x4s and the likes. Perhaps a trip to get pallets for the shed and to replace those at the compost (7 minimum... but they don't have to be pristine). There are “things” to be done with the day, none of which I truly want to be arsed with/about. But... 'tis another day and 'tis Tuesday and tomorrow is “FS” day and we shall see where this day has taken us... when 'tis time for bed... again. - Chest is OK this morning though. “Clotty coughs”, as they are, but other-wise... OK. - 8.39 Tomatoes, strained, paste added (because the tomatoes are more “soup” than sauce). That strainer is a royal BITCH to clean. “Made In China” of course. But it's done too. And now I want a snooze... May as well. The bloody pee-oh will be opening soon and the shit will gather about and I don't want to be arsed. So? So... But it IS getting quite warm out there. So we'll see where this all goes to. - 21.22 Well! Just off the phone with... DOROTHY! I called her at about 19.00 or so and we've been chatting ever since. How WONDERFUL! - As for the day? Well... I “saved” a tiny church mouse that was just inside the cellar door. Brought the little bit to the back yard. SO CUTE! About the size of a silver dollar. - Before that, I was going to go into town for smokes and some tape for that lamp-shade but decided to try the shade on the fixture with-out. OK. Cut the hole in the plastic and... I can't get it to stay up there! Good thing I didn't piss away that money! - AND... SPEAKING OF MONEY... HERE WE GO! Got this post this morning... LETTER FROM FUCKING SOCIAL-FUCKING-SE-FUCKING-CURITY! THE'VE CHANGED MY FUCKING PAY DAY! NOW, INSTEAD OF THE 4TH WEDNESDAY, AS I GOT MY BUDGET IN LINE FOR, IT'S TO BE THE 3RD DAY OF THE MONTH! BUT... THIS MONTH, AS I CAN ONLY GUESS... THEY'LL SEND ME THE 144 ON THE 16TH, 932 ON THE 23RD THEN... SEPTEMBER'S MONEY, WHICH WOULD HAVE COME TOWARD THE END OF OCTOBER WILL NOW COME ON THE 3RD OF OCTOBER. FULL AMOUNT BUT NOW I HAVE TO SIT ON THE MONEY FOR THE MONTH, NOT TO MENTION, TRYING TO RE-BUDGET EVERY-THING FOR THIS CHANGE! RENT, ELECTRIC... THE WHOLE SHITTING DEAL... AND IT TOOK ME A YEAR TO GET INTO THIS BUDGETING SO HERE I FUCKING GO AGAIN! JEEZUS KRISTE! (Come to find out, Dorothy's on the same routine... the 3rd of the month, so it's common with these freaks.) I HAD TO CALL SOCIAL SECURITY... WAS ON HOLD FOR ALMOST AN HOUR, GOT A LOVELY GAL NAMED “ASHELY” (in Arizona) WHO SOME-WHAT EXPLAINED THE SITUATION TO ME. I'M STILL NOT ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN HOW IT'S GOING TO WORK OUT BUT, TO THE BEST OF MY CALCS... AS I SAY, I'LL GET THE SPLIT PAYMENTS THIS MONTH... I CAN ONLY HOPE THE 932 WILL COME ON THE 23RD BECAUSE THE LETTER DOESN'T SAY AND NEITHER DID “ASHELY”. Well? Things were going all too well for far too long. Dorothy kept telling me to stop worrying about it all because it WILL settle itself and there's nothing I can do about it until it all happens. But... as I say... it took me a YEAR to get my life and affairs in order. Oh well. - As for “meal”... well... I'd turned the 5 “split” tomatoes into a “soup” which is in a bag in the fridge. So I took the other half of the tin of tomato paste, added a fresh tomato to that and spices and made a lot of pasta. Bread with home-made peach jam from Deb, with butter, for “dessert”. It was sufficient, to be sure. (I miss my ice cream though.) And just now, am having a ginger tea. (Miss my v-ton, to be sure.) - So no pallets and not really any “work” to speak of. There's tomorrow... I suppose. (I'll HAVE to run for smokes any-way. Truth is, I could go now but... it's not that important... especially since my eye-sight ain't all that great and today, Alvin tells me there's skids on the road in front of his house... some-body hit a dear on Sunday night... and nobody heard the screeching. Ah... dear deer. Damnit.) So tomorrow will be what tomorrow will be. - It was almost brutally hot today and over-cast too. I've still got the doors and windows open and it's almost just about “comfortable” side of “warm”. Thought about a shower again but not going to use the gas and hot water when it really isn't necessary. - Still need to figure that shade for the porch. Makes me a big angry but... some-thing will come to mind eventually. - Took a Naproxen with meal already so I'm set with that for the night. A little soc.med. and off to bed! Another day has come and gone... gone... gone. - Of note: It bothers me... this bull-shit with LC! It's almost as if she's stalking! I don't like it! But... I'll just hope she doesn't try “stopping by on the way to...” I'll call the police and a lawyer! I DO NOT want THAT back in my existence... especially not now! Can't help but remember Nancy's bit of “information” from years ago: “She believes that you'll both grow old, neither of you will marry somebody else and that you two will get married then.” FUCK OFF! - 23.16

Wed.09.Sep:
6.43 I've REALLY NO idea why I'm up, have had coffee, a couple drags of a smoke (in the kitchen, with coffee), but at, what I thought was 6.30 but must have been earlier, I woke from a bit of a “dream” in which I was on the roof of a mid-town high-rise with some guy, happened to notice some sort of artillery (guns), old and large, on the roof of St. Pat's cathedral and decided that I'd try getting down from the roof by sliding between two buildings, neither of which had windows all the way down the breeze-way between them. I'd no sooner gotten the distance of perhaps a storey when I got stuck. The guy on the roof called “How's it going?” and I yelled up “Not so good. The space gets narrower as you go down. Seems I'm stuck.” In the dream, I wasn't in a panic, some, perhaps 70 or 80 storeys up, but I was waking up and in my half-wake state, I was terrified! Suddenly, my conscious mind said “NO NO NO!” and I realised that I had to wake up to get out of that situation and so I did and as soon as I did I had to pee so... I'm up and about. - Hopefully FS posted this morning? Depending on how long I can stretch the smoke and a half here... this might be a trip to the FamDoll and market or one trip each. We shall see. - The forecast for today is clouds in the morning, possible storms later... just as yesterday, but not as hot. Oh well... we had no storms yesterday. - A note here: It was just past mid-night (about 7 hours ago now) when I stopped reading. I'd no sooner put the lights out when... BAH-DAM-A-BAM-A-WTF... ANOTHER FUCKING CAR AT THE CORNER WITH THE RADIO BLASTING! Though it didn't linger, as the other one did, several nights ago. This is annoying. “Mid-night runs” now? Well, fact is, it won't be long and it'll be too cold for these shits to drive about so... - On that... let's see what we can do to occupy the time until the stores open. (And I have to check the FS... perhaps send an order to bamalazoon for... coffee and stuff... whilst I might.) - 12.26 Nothing in the post (YAY!) and I'm back from a visit to the FamDoll for smokes and a chat with “Bubba” (Southern.... and NOT So. NY). There's a chance this “remodel” will be cancelled or postponed because they don't have enough man-power. Hmmm... oh well. And it seems it's to commence on Tuesday and not Wednesday. We shall see what we see when it's seen. - Meanwhile, the groceries (50$ worth) are put up, including the WORST chicken I've seen in my life-time! 1,89/lb and there's almost NO MEAT on ANY piece! Jeezus Kriste! We're being taken for fools, morons and idiots! I'm annoyed. But... there's food in the house and that's quite nice. (Didn't order Lammazoom today because there's no coffee... a-fucking-gain. Their loss.) And now? Yoghurt and I DO believe I'll make the plant-stand today. The truck is parked out-side the kitchen, I HAD to make a wash this morning of “whites”... a bit of “some-thing” that required immediate attention, speak no more of, and that's on the rack. I snoozed for another hour (needed, no doubt, considering the hours of “sleep”... right, what-ever. - And the sun is shining, the breeze is warm and the day rolls on... too quickly again. - 18.25 DONE! - I took a snooze until about 14.15... at 14.30 I headed to the garage where I gathered 3, 2x4s that actually match the planks that I've used for the plant table and droring table! Brought them to the back porch and cut them to the lengths... 6 at 25 inches, 3 at 12, and some extras on the angle in case I needed the corner support. Next, brought them into the kitchen and drilled the holes for the screws (sadly, I needed the long screws that I'd bought for the “porch chair” but at least I had them). Screwed the 3 braces together and put the chicken into the oven at 16.00. While that cooked, I disassembled the old plant stand, took the new braces to the living-room and re-assembled a NEW plant stand! Ever so much nicer, “cleaner”, looks more sturdy too, and the plants, including the geraniums which will come in before frost, will fit nicely as well. OK! Rice cooked in the mean-while as well. 17.00? “The Five”, meal served and through that, on the advert breaks, I Hoovered. But 18.00 I was DONE! By about 18.15... the washing-up was done as well... with all the dishes put back up. And I'm just in from a smoke on the porch after ice cream dessert. Crammed that day into just about 4 hours! I'm rather exhausted, especially considering it was HOT, HOT, HOT today! (Definite shower tonight!) (Had a Naproxen with meal again too.) - Still need to figure the porch light but it can wait, to be sure. That plant stand was some-thing I wanted to do and dreaded but it was a lot easier than I'd thought. - Now... how I wish I had some vodka in the house but... no doing until, at least, the 16th (and I need to mind that money too! But vodka? I'll “budget” it in). - Now to un-wind and enjoy the clean house, the relative quiet and the warmth of the evening before shower and to bed... which I intend to be shortly. - 22.34 Did it again... but then again... next week, if things go, I'll only just be getting back home at this hour so I suppose it's OK. (Good that I'm in a mind where I'll run the shower and no longer give a shit.) SO TIRED!

Thu.10.Sep: 8.12 Woke, up and out of bed at 7.36, I'm dressed, had first coffee, a smoke on the front porch. Alvin came to the pee-oh with cucumbers from some-body's garden and said some-thing about bringing tomatoes as well or some-thing of the sort. - The sun is shining, the sky is hazy, it's comfortably warm/cool and I got out of bed after waking from an annoying DREAM:
I'd some-how gotten a bit of a “job”, working at a banquet hall of sorts, setting tables for some affair. Walked in, put the truck keys on a table as we all got started and got to work. As the table-settings finished, I'd gone into the kitchen for some-thing and when I returned to the hall, the “party” was well under-way, with people all about. Part of the “job” was bussing tables as well so I got to that and as I worked I suddenly remembered that I'd left my keys on one of the tables and that people had already been sitting there! I returned to the table I THOUGHT I'd left the keys on only to find that it was all in disarray, with empty plates, napkins and the likes on it, but no keys! I began to panic at the thought that they were the keys for the truck and the house and they were GONE! I made my way through the crowd to go to the bar thinking that some-one might have found them and turned them in there. Went to the bar-keep to in inquire and he, a rather gruff, large, dark-haired, some-what ominous-looking sort, pointed to a corner of the bar where there were keys and other “lost and found” items laying in a bit of a pile. I described mine, and the “Empire State” bauble. He just pointed and went on about his business. So I went to the little mess of items and there I found the keys... BUT... the ignition key was missing! The “spare tyre” key was the only one on the ring along with some other unnecessary keys! Immediate thought: they took the ignition key with the “fob” on and with that, they could go to the parking lot, press the “alarm”, find the truck and be gone! There was nothing I could do now to stop them from driving off in the truck! It was, most likely, gone! I was almost devastated AND I felt that I HAD to finish the job I was working. After all, at that point in time, the theft of the truck was already done... the truck and the thieves were gone. When I told a co-worker (some gal/woman) she started “nagging” about how I needed to notify the state police! I knew this, but didn't want to be bothered with the time on hold, the explanations and descriptions and such, and I was just over-come with this idea that, no matter what I reported, the police would either not be bothered, tell me that there was nothing they could do, that the truck was, in all likelihood, gone, but they'd take the report.... not to mention that I'd just be on “hold” for the longest while. I was annoyed, aggravated, anxious, depressed, angry and I kept working... and she, the “nag”, kept coming after me as we worked, insisting that I call the police! As I worked, I kept looking for the key, on tables, at the bar, listening for any-one talking about having found keys. - By the time the job was done, it was late at night. I decided to go to the parking lot where I'd parked the truck, to see if it might still be there. Ah... the “parking lot” was multi-tiered, on a hill, very large-capacity. When I got to it, I couldn't remember where I'd parked in the first place. SO MANY cars and trucks, and levels and areas! I was alone, in relative darkness, and knew that I'd have to go through row-after-row, level-after-level, through the entire lot. I had the one key, the “spare tyre” key with me, it had a “fob” but the battery in it was dead so pressing the “alarm” on it was useless. Some gal/woman came by and I explained my situation and she too insisted that I call the police. I was REALLY annoyed with all of this “Call the police” nonsense but at one point, found my-self across the street from the station and thought about going over to make a “report” because, with-out a report I couldn't even go to the insurance company! I started to cross the street but then turned round to go back into the parking lot to keep looking for the truck instead thinking “At least this way they can't say that I didn't make an effort.” And, annoyed, anxious, depressed, angry... I slowly woke.
Well! Delightful way to and a night's sleep and begin a day. And yes, as soon as I'd typed that “SO TIRED!”, the computer was turned off and I went to the shower, then got into bed, finished an O.Henry, read another and by 23.30, the lights were out and so too, was I. And indeed, I'm happy to say, I rather slept through the night. As for today? Pallets are what I'm thinking.7 should do nicely. 3 to replace the compost, 4 for the cellar shed. BUT... where the shed's concerned, I need ROOFING! Especially some sort of shingle and/or tar paper.. weather/water proofing! And to be honest, I just don't want to invest the money (and I don't have it any-way) but, if I do nothing about this shit, there's a good chance the shed will collapse under the snow, effectively blocking access to the cellar, then there's them matter of snow-melt getting in, flooding the water heater and furnace... Surely, Mr. Alden has a “team of friends” some-where about but... it looks like it's up to me, no matter how we swing it. Hey! If I replace the damned shed AND take photos, keep receipts... it MIGHT be to my advantage (but with my “fortune of past)... Well? Good that we're not looking at snow any time too awfully soon. Still... So pallets for wood are on the agenda. What else is to be seen. - It's 8.44 and time for the daily shit-show to commence. Off we go then. - 11.35 Just transferring images to the server for August (and closing that out on the lap-top... I'm up to 25 pages locally because of keeping August here). - JEFF JUST CAME BY WITH ROOFING TIN! TWO SHEETS... FOR THE CELLAR SHED!!! I CAN'T BUT HARDLY BELIEVE THE INTEREST *SOME* PEOPLE ARE TAKING IN THIS OLD HOUSE! (Truth is, it does THEM good to do so, since, if I were the type to just let the place go... as Alden is so-doing, it'd just collapse and they'd lose their precious pee-oh and such. And this morning, I can't help but think of “rent” as a “mortgage”: Everybody has to pay a mortgage AND/OR taxes, so I'm *PAYING* for my residence here and I'll be damned if I'll be “tolerant” of BS...) BUT... the temperatures are expected to jump to the mid-20s with Humidex of 30s so there's to be NO WORK TODAY... Next few days... back to the mid-high teens. It can wait. - And, I've put in my “reading” for NYSEG this morning. (Double-digit day-date.) So, when the on-line Journal is done... into town for pallets... and ice cream... and I wish... vodka, but.... we shall see (I can fuck about a bit with the budget... Maybe... but no promises). - And today's post: 2 bits of BS. YAY! - 16.53 OK! SO! The images for August are on the on-line. I had a bit of a lie-down until 14.30 at which time I got up, immediately, put on my boots, grabbed the keys and headed out the door to Aubuchon's. FIVE pallets! (Bad bit: when I pulled one of them from the stack, I pulled some-thing in the lower-right rib... it's not “painful” now but... we shall see, I'm sure, what's been “done” to it there... and surely, it won't be “happy”.) Then, a quick stop at the market for the beef they didn't have yesterday, a bottle of olive oil a container of ice cream and a bag of dry black beans. FOOD IN THE HOUSE! - Got back to the “home”, put the pallets into the garage, swept the back of the truck and grabbed beans and tomatoes from the gardens. Next... took the garden cart to the front porch and put the wood bundles in. (Alvin says I need to put out a sign... To follow.) The beans are now bagged in the freezer, the tomatoes are washed (3 of them) and will be put into a bag to “redden”. Franks on the boil. I've mixed some rice with red cabbage and pickle juice, a dollop of sour cream (to finish it) and “meal” will be served at 17.00. - IT'S BEEN SO HOT AND HUMID ALL DAY! SHOWER, TO BE SURE, TONIGHT. - But at least I've gotten SOME-THING “accomplished” with this day! Eh? - 21.09 and off to the shower. It was dark at 19.30 already. I've had a ginger tea. My ribs or what-ever are/is sore from that pull. Oh well... it'll he Hell tomorrow. And tomorrow is “9/11”. All these years and still so vivid (and all those photos... gone.) Oh well. They're not coming back. One of the greatest parts of talking with Dorothy this week is hearing her attitude toward things “past': they can't be changed, they're done, gone, she's let them go. Well? If SHE can adapt, “not being bothered by things she has no control over”... I suppose I really MUST learn how to. After all, I've been telling people that for years. (Damned shame I can't lie to my-self as well.) - Anyway... the day is done. I've eaten. Of course, meal and washing up done by 18.00. Even ice cream. - Tomorrow? It will be what it is. - Tonight the heat is gone. Pallets in the garage. Work to be done on the shed. More-so now, having the help from Jeff. Soon. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon. - For tonight? Shower and to bed. O.Henry waits.

Fri.11.Sep: 19 years ago... - 11.12 AND... it was up and out of bed by about 7.15 for some un-known reason, following a night where, at one point, round about 1.00, I was rudely awakened by dry throat cough! I tried to sleep on the left side, favouring the right, where I'd either pulled a muscle or collapsed a lung. Apparently, I was mouth-breathing. The tickle wouldn't stop for a while. But... shortly after, I went back to sleep and slept through. - Woke, pee'ed, coffee on and the day rolled... A bit of soc.med., which was a mistake because of the bull-shitters posting about the “9/11”... and the support for the “ISIS Tribute Tower”. Well... I was disgusted. So? It was on to what-ever... which began with putting the jeans in to soak with the shirt (which are now on the rack in the back). Moving along... meat-loaf... now in the fridge and then to bread... which is on the first rise. At about 10.30, a chck of today's post: A AA magazine and that's that for this. No bills. No threats. - Casey rang this morning: Tuesday... morning... at 7.00! JEEZUS! Oh well. I'd put in for after-noon but I suppose I'll take what I can get. And pay-day will be about the 26th which is pretty good. (Now... all I have to do is manage to make it through the full term... health-wise more than much else.) - AND JEFF CAME BY WITH TIN SNIPS! Looks like I'm locked into this project at the shed now. Oh well. No prob. - Weather-wise, the morning clouds are clearing. It's “cool” this morning. Should be sunny for the rest of the day. - I've been listening to “my” classical music and sadly, “Classique de Montréal” has been dropped from “TuneIn”. The more progress in technology, the less we receive. Life is a fuck... and not a “happy” one. But... there's a candle burning in the living-room for those who... Oddly, I can still recall SO much about 19 years ago, and looking at photos, videos and comments still grabs my heart and soul. I guess it's one of those “deaths” that will linger... on into... - But it's a productive day, thus far. I'm just waiting for the pee-oh to close. Why that should bother me so... I just don't like it, them, the whole situation. But there it is and here I am and... - I believe I'll move some parsley and basil into the house today as well... before it just gets too cold... and to figure where it will go for Winter. - We shall see what the day brings... when it has brought. - 18.10 Meal is done. Bread is done. Meat-loaf in the fridge. Washing-up is done. The sun is heading down into Keene (so to speak). The temperatures are following the sun. Another day is done. That went by quickly. The parsley and basil are in the living-room window. And... I'm actually ready for bed, in spite of having taken a snooze from 15-16.30. “Winter” is coming. Indeed. - 22.02 and I can't imagine how all those hours passed! But... a few episodes of “QI” and... well... a mug of licorice tea and a couple of smokes at the kitchen table... and I'm going to have another halfie here before bed... in moments. Day's done! At last! - I'm just hoping for SLEEP THROUGH tonight! - 22.24 Off to bed!

Sat.12.Sep: 5.38 I'm not sure WHY I'm up and coffee's on, but I'm up... and coffee's on. Of little note, it was a bit of a painful getting up and out of the bed (to pee, mostly) at about 5.05 or so. Inhaling... yep, inhaling, and on the right side... m-hm... “upper” right side. Quite sharp too. A bit on the “breath-taking side” as well. Oh well. It's passed, a bit, but it is rather “breath-taking”. Anyway... the window fan tells me it's 54F this morn. And I'm up and about because, well, (a) I woke up, and (b) let's see how I'll do when I have to be at work at 7.00 on Tuesday. (I've no doubt I'll either be back in the bed or on the futon in due course this morning, since it was “lights out” at 23.00 last night. This is 6 hours' sleep, and I did sleep. But even now, the notion of returning to bed is inviting. We shall (indeed), see how it goes along. (A nap won't be too bad any-way because today is pee-oh until noon... and beyond.) - 15.37 MADE IT UP TO SOME-WHERE ON IRON MOUNTAIN... Left here at about noon-ish after asking Alvin if the trail-head is where I thought it to be. WELL! It ain't all as easy as advertised, and I was “up there at 14.04 but NOT at the rock face. So... I decided to turn back and try again another day because, well, I wasn't too sure about the hours of day-light AND... well... there's the matter of the chest, lungs, breathing and that sort of thing that just made it “not as fun” as it might have been. And, when next I head up, I'll bring some sort of “hydration” because WOW, did I SWEAT! It isn't all as “cool” as I'd expected. In fact, it's a VERY warm sort of day. But I got some photos, and some “selfies” and now I'll just have to re-check the patch because I swear I should have been where I wanted to go to, but I'm thinking I ended-up on “Owl” instead of “Iron”. Will check... and yes... try again. But it got me out of the house, up the mountain, into the wood-land and gave me some much-needed exercise. And here I am, meat-loaf in the oven, back at the home... and in need of a shower... which I'll take later, after a run into town for smokes for the night. (How I WISH I had vodka in the house tonight... I could do with a “beverage”.) - 23.27 Well, the meat-loaf was quite good (though admittedly, a bit much on the “bread”... still though, it was good). And had the “stew veggies” with. Delightful meal. Finished the ice cream, did the washing-up and BOLTED, at 19.00, to FamDoll for smokes and a chat with Betsy about next week. So... Tue-Thu: 7-16.00 shifts... store closed. They only got about 10 of the 20 they needed for the remodel so this is how it's going to roll. What a fucking shame... young folks WON'T work! We discussed how them not working means they're not paying into Soc.Sec. and she, Betsy, at 32, will have a hard time of it. Anyway, we stood in the parking lot having a smoke and chat and as Betsy went into the store and I was getting into the truck, the Lewis Bitch came rolling in. “Are you causing trouble?” “Trying...” I replied. She's another LC: can't fucking learn! Anyway... I've had a NightyNight and no Naproxen tonight AND JUST HAD A CONTRACTION... RIGHT THIGH! FUCK! - Fine... tomorrow's Sunday... we'll make the best of it. - It's been a long day... I could use a shower but probably won't bother. Too tired. Last smoke and off to bed! Thankfully, it's not as cold tonight as it was last.

Sun.13.Sep:
8.49 Slept last night... woke with “steel straps” around the chest. Concerned about this “working” next week. Well? Won't know the limitations until I try. - Cool morn. Rather “Northern” weather: breezy, a bit grey with a trace of sun. Not “cold” but not “comfy”. Woke later than I ought at about 7.45. Time to get into a much earlier routine. - Sorting through “activities” of shed, garden, &c. We shall see... Coffee now, decisions later. -
18.09 THE SHED ROOFING IS CUT AND PLACED!!! AT NOON, I WALKED OUT THE BACK DOOR, HEADED TO THE GARAGE... GRABBED A 2x4 AND... PULLED THE HOUSE-SIDE RAFTER OUT FROM UNDER THE ROOF, CUT 2 “CROSS PIECES” AND SCREWED IT ALL TOGETHER. NEXT... SHOVED THE REINFORCED RAFTER BACK UNDER THE ROOF... NEXT, A CROSS-PIECE TO REINFORCE THE MIDDLE RAFTER. SO NOW, THEY'RE STURDY AND THE SHED ISN'T ATTACHED TO THE HOUSE ANY LONGER. OK... I'M STILL NOT SURE WHY, BUT I GOT THE SNIPS AND, AS THE RAINS STARTED FALLING, DRAGGED THE METAL ROOFING INTO THE GARAGE WHERE CUTTING IT WAS, WELL... ACROSS, QUITE EASY, BUT LENGTH-WISE, IF I DIDN'T HAVE GLOVES, I WOULDN'T HAVE FINGERS NOW. WHAT A FUCKING NUISSANCE! AND, OF COURSE, 2 PIECES ON ONE SIDE OF THE ROOF, 2 ON THE BACK, A PIECE ACROSS THE TOP... IT ISN'T “PERFECT” BUT IT'S A HELL OF A LOT BETTER THAN IT WAS! AND ALL IN THE RAIN! MORE? WHEN I WALKED BACK INTO THE HOUSE THINKING I COULD TAKE A BREATHER BEFORE HEADING TO MARKET FOR TONIGHT'S ICE CREAM... IT WAS 16.30! 4,5 HOURS OF WORK ON THAT FUCKING ROOF! THANKFULLY “TIME” WAS THE ONLY EXPENSE. BUT... I WALKED IN, GRABBED THE “CARDS”, GOT INTO THE TRUCK AND HEADED TO THE MARKET... ICE CREAM, YOGHURT AND... TINNED “LONG ISLAND ICED TEAS” (3/$5). BUZED BACK DOWN THE ROAD, GOT INTO THE HOUSE, PUT LAST NIGHT'S LEFT-OVER VEGGIES (WHICH TONIGHT, WERE SOUP) ON THE HEAT, 2 SLICES OF MEAT-LOAF (COLD)... “MEAL”... *** AND *** ALL BY 17.00! ATE WHILST WATCHING “GUTFELD” AND, OF COURSE, AS ALWAYS... SHAMEFULLY... WASHING-UP DONE... BY 18.00! FUCK! WHAT A DAY! (I KNOW tonight will be PAINFUL! My hands are already in spasm... mostly from removing screws by hand and the FUCKING SNIPPING THE ROOFING.) BUT I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID IT! (As if anybody gives a fuck.)
Before having a 30-minute snooze before heading to the roofing, made a quick call to Tess, at about 11.00. She was on the way to church so the chat was short. She's home-schooling the kid(s). Also ended the chat with “Love you and miss you.” Very nice. Anyway.... - My fingers are “sore”, my back is “'stiff”, I'm having a hot water... took a Naproxen after meal. And I'm chilly... probably from working and sweating in the rain. - The 3 days at FamDoll should prove interesting... indeed. - 21.17 JUST OFF THE PHONE WITH DONNA! SHE CALLED! YAY! - And I was having one of those “Clubtails” from the market, “Long Island Iced Tea”... Made in... LAVAL! QC! It's a fizzy sort of “Twisted Tea”, a lot sweet too. Not bad. Come to learn, it's flavoured “ale”. Beer with sweetener. How charming. And oddly, the one is “doing the trick”. I might have another before bed.

Mon.14.Sep: 1.02 3 Clubtails... no shower... too tired... too much... I'll be sorry in a few hours. Mean-while... LEG CONTRACTIONS! FUCK ME! - 13.22 Woke at about 6.30, got up, pee'ed and went back to bed. NO MORE THREE “Clubtails”! WOW! The “icks” this morning! The sugar? The what-ever? I went back to sleep and didn't get out of bed until almost 8.30 and still felt like shit. So, coffee went on, I dragged about, had 2 coffees and at about 10.00 headed out to screw the metal to the roof on the cellar shed. THE ROOFING IS ON THE CELLAR SHED... AFFIXED AND DONE... as far as I'm concerned. - I was back in by about 11.20 or so, grabbed the keys, headed for FamDoll, had a chat with Casey, got a pack of smokes. By about 13.00 in for the day... but pulled the geraniums from the porch. This morning's météo... “GEL” tonight! Yep... we're going to the freeze. So the geraniums are now in the living-room in a temporary planter. Why? I don't know, because... I'm feeling SO SHITTY ALL DAY TODAY! Tired. Stomach, off. Just “dragging”. - Have just had some yoghurt. Hopefully, it'll “help” with the stomach... But the chest is SO HEAVY today. I'm “concerned” about working again. Well? We shall see. - Time for a snooze... and I need a shower. - But the roofing on the cellar shed is done. Now... I need to get to the Winterising of windows. I can hear “whistling”. Not good. - 18.58 Well... meal was quick... 2 tomatoes(salad) and 3 slices of meat-loaf (and I wonder... this “off feeling”... the beef again?). Of course, by 18.00 all the washing-up was complete. I got to chat with Donna for a bit (on the GV number) and then, tried talking with Ev but got cut twice. So? So... - The house is in order. I've Hoovered. Put some white birch round the plastic pot of geraniums. Looks quite nice... for all said. Watered the trees. Indeed... all settled. - The thermostat is set at 60F for the night. The cellar doors (both) are shut. The roof is on (yay). And I'm having a hot water. Alarms are set for the morning. Now, soon, a shower and to bed... hopefully to sleep through the night and even MORE... to wake feeling quite well in the morning, ready to get to work. What-ever. I can “hope”. It's a shame, really, but every night it's the same thing: dreading going to bed because of the dread of how I'll feel the following morning. Oh well... nothing's going to be done to address any of this so... we take what we get. At least that “ick” of this morning is some-what gone. - I'm tired now, but it's entirely too early to go to bed so.. hot water, tele and... - 21.12 Two mugs of hot water. Two peanut-butter-cream cheese samiches (it's been a forever since I had one of those... SO GOOD!) Now? Off to the shower and into bed! - The thermo on the front porch claims 50F. By 5.00 tomorrow (as I wake)... 2°! LOVELY! (Thankfully the thermostat is set to 60F and there's a full tank of oil in the cellar.) - I'm tired... Day is done. And back to “work” in the morning. Oh... I keep thinking “Only 10 days.” I wonder if I'll make it through.

Tue.15.Sep: 5.06 Up (of my own accord, believe it or not) at 4.30, but I waited until 2 alarms sounded on one phone and then got up, AND DRESSED. The thermometer in the bed-room read 18°... BUT... I went to the living-room and kicked-up the furnace... to bring the house up to 21° (70F). THE STENCH! The furnace is bringing up the stench of the cellar. (So, just in from a smoke on the porch, in the dark, of course, I left the front door open for that little while.) I think, if I can swing it, I'm going to look for my own “furnace service”. The fan, the stench... some-thing to ponder. Anyway... the porch thermometer reads 40F (4°) and the Cypress vines appear to be OK. Fine. The geraniums are doing well, stuffed in their little pot and I'd rather have them in here any-way. So here I sit, dressed, had first coffee. Feeling? “OK”. “Not bad”. Let's see how it rolls along. This is the beginning of day 1 of 10. - Lights went out at about 22.00 last night and thankfully, I actually fell asleep rather easily... and... apparently, slept through the night. “Blessings”. - The house is warming nicely, in spite of the low air-flow from the furnace, so that's good. Well? The “cooler times”, they are with us. - I'm really not (some-what surprisingly) looking forward to this day. There's bath-room biz, and “tea” and the likes. Not sure what's for “meal” this evening. Then there's coffee during the day. I might take some along, if I have. Silly, really. Because it's not as if I'm all that far from home. I wonder if we'll get an hour off for “lunch” at some point. I can make it back here and back there (thanks to the truck) in plenty of time (I should think). Oh well... a new experience. - Read “Jonathan Livingston Seagull” last night. I can't believe I was so moved by that story... “back then”. The “romanticism” of it all is “gone”. I suppose it's what happens when we “live life”. Oh well... Tonight it's back to O.Henry, then on to what-ever else is on the shelf. - For now... coffee and then? At about 6.45... out the door, on the road... on the road... indeed... Must say... it's “convenient”. And at least I won't be walking. (I'd have to be leaving now, were that the case.) - 19.00 WELL... first things first: I got to work at 7.00 AND... was put “on the truck”, pulling, lifting, hauling... BUT... it really wasn't all that bad because there were 4 of us and to be honest, the younger guys really did a LOT of the hardest work (though I did give my best effort and the other older guy was considered and he did do a lot of the work too). “Lunch” came at about 12.30 and I came home for a peanut-butter-cream-cheese... Ms. Suzie came to drop another bottle of that “humming-bird” shit and asked after my health. I told her I'm doing a “Wait and See” for 6 months. When I said I don't want to be bothered with biopsies and cuttings and shit, SHE CLUCKED LIKE A CHICKEN! SO... FUCK HER AND HER BULL-SHIT! All in their proper place and her place is not in my life. She's most presumptuous and I don't appreciate it so... No prob. I've got 9 more days away from this bull-shit. - The day was comfortable, temperature-wise. But at the last minute, at 16.00, the “Some-thing Manageress”, from Virginia, a Black woman who told Casey that “women are not to be doing any lifting” (which pissed Casey off, to be sure) grabbed those of us who were leaving at 16.00 and we had to move shit back into the fucking truck! Fine. (Casey said: “We'll shave it off some-how.” I don't care, one way or the other.) AND... I was back in the door at 17.10 AFTER GRABBING 2 LARGE AND 2 REGULAR SIZED PALLETS (which are now in the garage). - Meal: the left-over slice of meat-loaf with 2 tomatoes, ice cream after. (I'm having a hot water now.) DONE by 18.00, of course. - It isn't “cold” out tonight but I'm chilled a touch and so, the furnace is up again for a while before I grab a quick shower and head to bed. - I need smokes and am HOPING that 144 hits the account in the morning (though I'm not planning on it... will have to run the “NY” account very low tomorrow for a pack... at some point... hopefully before work, since the store is closed for business. - Anyway... it's to be an “early” night, to be sure. And, in spite of the fact that I'll surely be in pain at some point, my chest feels better for the exercise. AND what a luxury to have the truck again. WHAT a most appreciated luxury. - 21.12 SAME TIME AS LAST NIGHT! And so it's off to the shower, turn the furnace off (which has run 4 times!) and TO BED!

Wed.16.Sep: (18.24 because I was tired and in a bit of a “grog” this morning) So I woke, of my own, at 4.25, before the alarms, but stayed in the bed until the first alarm at about 4.45 and then got out of bed, kicked the furnace up to take the morning “chill” out of the air and put on the coffee... Got dressed and had coffee and did soc.med. AND CHECKED THE BANQUE FOR THE 144 THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HERE “AROUND” TODAY... OF COURSE IT WASN'T THERE! FUCKING LIARS. - 6.32 and time to hit the road! I was TIRED! I wanted a NAP! Nope... off we went. - 12.44 Sammich and tea and the day began “wrong on arrival”. Had to cut the lock on the truck. Bent my tyre iron. Not happy. Good that I had the drill because we'd still be working on the fucking wall. Used the truck to haul shit to the back of the store and THEN... the “DM” comes along, all “dressed to the what-evers”, introduces her-self and as “Wesley” and I, working alone, with MY tools and MY truck, says “I need you to work with a sense of urgency.” No thanks... just into bull-shit and a sales pitch about how we're helping our community. I'm “wound”. Had I not chatted with Betsy before leaving for lunch, I'd just stay here and fuck the rest of it. Oh well... Time for sammich and tea. And then? We shall see. - OH. AND NO SURPRISE... THE 144 FROM SOC.SEC.? NOT HERE. - 16.52 Pasta's cookin' and I want a drink! (But it's probably best I don't have in the house... as for smokes... well... I'm pissed... 14 left... for a WEEK!) BUT... when I got back after lunch, the “DM” was so sweet, and when I was leaving the “Project Manageress” asked it I was “mad” and Casey asked if I was coming back. Well? My point was made... and I WORKED and I left at 16.00! - And now, somebody's on the front porch, looking at the “wagon”... and dropping mail and yelling. Oh well... the doors are open and the breeze is blowing through and there we are. (I swear the old shits in the car out front are drunk... morons.) - OK. Time for meal, news and... - 18.27 Continuing the what-have-its... since I jotted mostly, for much else. - SO... I arrive, EARLY AGAIN, at work, to find that the truck was locked last night BUT NOBODY HAS THE FUCKING KEY! Wesley worked on it with a cheap saw, then a cheap “clipper”. Casey knew about it already and was in a roar... and then “Rolanda” (or what-ever the “Project Mgress” calls her-self) came rolling into the parking lot. “Accustomed” to this, she gave Wes another clip which the lock broke... the clip... not the lock. We must have worked on it for a good 20 minutes and FINALLY... but then it wouldn't come out of the latch... I tried with a tyre iron and BENT MY TYRE IRON! FUCK! Not terribly, but... Yes... the lock came out at last, truck open, we went in-inside where I brought MY drill to remove the rest of the “peg wall”. MY DRILL and the time. - So Wes and I worked together most of the morning. I USED MY TRUCK TO BRING SHIT FROM THE FRONT OF THE STORE TO THE BACK! FINE... BUT THEN COMES “MELANIE”... THE “DM” WHO SAT IN HER FUCKING CAR FOR THE 45 MINUTES OR SO THAT WES AND I WORKED IN THE TRUCK. No prob... UNTIL... SHE COMES TO THE BACK OF THE STORE AS WES AND I ARE UN-LOADING THE TRUCK AND PROCEEDS TO TELL US THAT WE “NEED TO WORK WITH A SENSE OF URGENCY”. OKIE-DOKIE... I POINTED-OUT THAT IT'S BEEN “MY” TOOLS AND “MY” TRUCK AND WES AND I WERE WORKINIG ALONG AND THAT SHE OUGHT TO BE GRATEFUL THAT CASEY HAS FOLKS WHO CARE... AS I PUT IT “I do it because I love that woman. She's amazing.” I was ready... SO ready, to just go to lunch and not come back. BUT... as I was leaving, Betsy came along and I told her that, if that “Melanie” was going to hang about, I'd be leaving the job. Betsy assured me that it would be OK. Fine... I came home to lunch... checked the mail, had my sammich and... back again to where the attitude of “Melanie” was quite different. So I worked with the “help” of Melanie and all went quite well. 16.00 and out the door and Casey calls “Are you coming back tomorrow?” So we chatted. Apparently, Ms. Melanie commented that she wasn't aware of my bringing tools and using the truck and apparently it changed her attitude toward me. So? So... all's “fine” at the job. - But 16.20 I was in, pasta (meal) on the stove. (With butter, 2 diced tomatoes, ice cream.) All was done by about 17.40. - I rang Donna. She was just coming back from “dropping Bobby at the vet's” and said she'd call later. (I'll be in bed soon though.) - So I went to the front porch, poured LOTS of water on the marigolds and Cypress vines and here I am, having a hot water as the breeze blows through the house for a while. - Well, I must say that this “work” has improved the “episodes” a bit. My back and legs are sore from “working” again. We shall see. Day 2 of 10 is done... let's see how much longer I can hold on/out/in. - Honestly, I'd like to take a shower and go to bed but it's really too early yet so... pass the time for another hour or so. - Oh... the letter from Soc.Sec. reads the 144 should come “around the 16th” so let's just hope it's by Friday? (NOT, mind, that I'm going to plan on it... hopefully I'll have enough butts for some “re-smokes”?) - There's a bottle of vodka in the coming budget... for Rosh Hashannah and the completion of this job! But right now... it's looking VERY AUSTERE. - Oh well... We shall wee what we see when we see it.

Thu.17.Sep: 5.11 I'm up... awake(ish). Why I'm up... I've not idea. This morning, “up” was difficult. I'd SO rather be under the covers, snoozing. But... here I am, at table, with coffee, having had the first and in from a stroll to the back to check the tyres on the truck. (There was some sort of “ticking” on the way home yesterday.) All seems well there... in the pitch dark of the morning hour. And a smoke on the front porch. And gathering some fivers for another pack of smokes. So... the morning is “well”... well? Well. - HORRID sort of “dreamlette”, this morning:
For some reason, I needed a lift to some-where and I don't know how, but I was in “Ms. Becky's” car. And she was delivering the post in Stewart Heights! I got into the car and she said “So, can we make amends?” Though she didn't use the word “amends”... it was some other word that wasn't appropriate but I let it go, knowing what she meant. And, with a bit of bile and insincerity I agreed and she took my hand and kissed it... lingeringly. I was uncomfortable, and others saw it, so I made a bit of a joke about it and she laughed and we went along.
As I say, I don't know how the situation started, nor how it ended because I woke out of it, but there we have it. No telling. Just noting. - But WOW... am I ever TIRED! And not feeling altogether well in the stomach. Perhaps too much pasta last night? (Or bad tomatoes?) Any-way, the day commences. (What I wouldn't give to go back to bed.) I can't help but think (as I sat with smoke on the porch, in the dark, hearing the owl hooting in the distance) of the mornings... in the shelter, on the buses and trains, mornings going to “Howid Beach”. The one MAJOR, serious difference now? Today, I don't “MUST” go off to work. I could, easily, just stop this, just call to say “I won't be able to make it this morning/today.” or “I'd rather not continue...” I CAN do so... but I CAN'T do such a thing to Casey. And I won't and so... - OH!!!! I don't know if I mentioned yesterday but I will now: YESTERDAY, A LITTLE FELLOW NAMED “ADAM” AND I WORKED TOGETHER IN THE AFTER-NOON. HE MENTIONED THAT HIS MUM WORKS AT STEWART'S... HIS MOTHER IS... “PAULA”! WELL... “SMALL TOWN”. IMAGINE THAT! Might be interesting to see how this rolls along. - Any-way... it's another day and it's not cold but there's rain to come and let's see how it manages to move along. We've got “Rolanda” from VA, Ms. “Melanie” the “I'm a business woman DM” AND... SUPPOSEDLY... coolers are coming in AND, the registres have yet to be moved AND.... allegedly, the store is open this evening? HAH! Yeah... I'm not looking forward to the mayhem and chaos and expected pandemonium... but then again... as I say: If it becomes intolerable... I'll be home 'fore meal-time. - 16.43 FUCK! Oh well. I do believe everybody took 30 mins for lunch. I took 60. The shelving in that store is fucked-up! Took me the whole evening to replace 6 lengths and that broad from VA plays “smart”. Well? Fukkit. - Left at 16.10. Stopped at the market. NEED SMOKES. Have to go back out after meal. NOT happy. - 18.00 WELL! Franks, “stir fry” veggies, relish, ice cream... all done and the washing-up too by 17.45! And I've had a smoke, will now dig into the fivers and quarters and head into town for a pack. And then? Home... most likely to shower... and go to bed. I am SO fucking tired. Today's work took it out of me. (What I wouldn't do for a drink... or 3.) I'm dozing even now so... - 24 hours at the store... 12,50/minus estimated taxes and right now, I'll probably “take” 124$. What a fuck wasted. 80 hours? It's only 1000... and out of that... probably 800. Oh well... Let's see how long I last. - I'm fucking pissed because I probably won't see ANY income until Wednesday... NEXT week. Fuck. (And I have to watch my gas in the truck too... because money is actually down to about 15$ total. WOW!)

Fri.18.Sep: 5.08 ROSH HASHANNAH! AND.... here I sit, with coffee, falafel ground, in the bow, in the fridge, and me? I'm in a bit of “discomfort” this morn. CONTRACTIONS LAST NIGHT!!!!!) O! HOLY SHIT! THE CONTRACTIONS! Only one, to speak of, from BOTH feet up the right thigh. - I was IN bed at 21.05, read a few pages and by about 21.30, lights went out. At 23.30, how-ever... the feet, both, contracted. I started to get up out of the bed and.... the right thigh went! I walked round the kitchen-living-room back-wards for a bit until the pain became “tolerable”, put on the jammie-sweat pants and the back brace and got back into bed. I woke to the first alarm this morning. That was a relative 7 hours of sleep, mostly un-interrupted, but I'm TIRED this morning. Oh well, we'll see if I can make it through this day too. And why not? Eh? - OK. So... at the store... the electricians haven't come to wire for the new coolers which haven't come (electrics due Tuesday-passed, coolers due same day... then again, yesterday... neither), the registres were supposed to be relocated yesterday... when I left the store last evening, word was “Monday” (due Monday passed). I noted, when I went for smokes last evening at about 18.15, Casey's truck wasn't there but there were some others vehicles (Rolandawanda... what-ever) wasn't there either). There's no telling what went on in that place last evening nor what the damned place looks like this morning. It's “typical”, really... one grand fukkup, wall-to-wall. AND there's an entire quarter of the store that has to be re-orientated: rows changed from N/S to E/W. Yeah... well... and today... “customers”... These people, those in the “charge”, are fukked-up beyond description. Me? If the money wouldn't be helpful at all, I'd simply leave it today. After all, the base-work is done: The North wall is clean/cleared, the perimeter shelving (that killed my back yesterday) is done, shit's been hauled to the back (Mr. Shithauler now?). I've put in my “extra time for the company” and “worked with” some absolute twats (the broad from Westport, “Penny”, “Samuel” who pretty much stands about looking like a deer in the head-lights, “Adam”, who wouldn't exert a finger muscle to scratch his own nose...). To be honest, this has begun to remind me of the VT-pee-oh. The only major difference is that now, I'm driving instead of biking.... through the rain-storms, in the dark... 20 miles each way... never mind the 20-mile walk to get the keys at E. Fairfield. “Going the extra miles”, as it were. And “subsisting” on Ramen noodles and general shit for food. Well, I did rather promise 10 days, have given only 3, thus far. It would be a compliment to be asked to stay on (not that I would, other than an “emergency fill-in, mind), but I don't see that happening any-way. (And even then, I'm SURE it would be ONLY ON “TRUCK DAYS”. I suppose that's a compliment... that people see me as still “viable”, strong, and all that bull-shit... due to the fact that I keep my pains to m'self). But, I don't see that happening, not matter how. Taking initiative, bringing in my own resources to get the work done. I keep thinking: had I not brought the drill, we'd be HOURS behind where we are now. Had I not put all that metal into the truck, we'd be HOURS behind. “Initiative”? Hauling the “up-rights” in the shopping carts, 2/time, when Rylan and Wesley were going to carry them 1/time? Well... Never mind. - 6.11 Well time is buzzing by... that hour or so went quickly. I've had a (one) coffee and a loo-visit and that's about it. Now, having a smoke (at the kitchen table) and finishing the coffee... want a nap but don't dare to. The furnace is running. “GIVRE” warnings... tonight's “chill”.... ***** MINUS ONE ***** -1 ***** !!!!! Thankfully we're on the “down” side of the “pay week” AND we can ONLY HOPE that Soc.Sec. comes in at “full” on Wednesday and that by Friday, the salary is posted. I'm not... CERTAINLY NOT “planning” on any of it. I've bills to pay and NEED GAS for the truck so... - Anyway... off to ... another day. - 18.57 trying to stay awake for a little while longer. Furnace is up because I'm cold. But most of that's fatigue. And having a smoke at the kitchen table. Fukkit. - Meal? Falafel? It literally crumbled in the oil! So I scooped it out and had it anyway. Oily mush. But it tasted OK. No doubt the oil will “take hold” tomorrow and I'll shit my eye-balls out but... I ate. Ice cream after. Started prep at about 16.30, ate by 17.05 and ALL washing-up was done... at 18.00. - The day? Well... “Dan” seems to hang on me. He's got serious COPD but is so timid about taking time to leave the store for a breather. He looked down-right GREY! Asked me about taking a break. I told him to just GO! Oddly, I told Casey today that I shouldn't be wearing a mask and that she could confirm at the hospital. No prob at all! And then, just before 16.00, Dan came to me to ask about leaving. I said, “Leave with me.' So, at 16.00 I asked Casey “7 tomorrow?” She replied “Yes.... &c” and out the door Dan and I went. We chatted a bit in the parking lot and left. Also, the “lunch” break was changed to 30 minutes and I told Casey to dock me the extra. She was pissed because it was “Rolanda's decision” and was never made known to all. Oh well... What-ever. I'm not concerned about it. (I'm not “concerned” about much these days....) - Nothing from Soc.Sec. again. I've the feeling this is going to be a repeat of last month: 932 on Wed., the 144 to follow. Fukshits. - Note of interest: Yesterday I'd given Casey 4 Naproxen and told her each was good for 12 hours. She took ALL 4 at work and then an Rx Ibuprophen! She was “floating” most of the day today. I was concerned about her but... she made it through. (She got the body weight... I'll suppose. Reminds me of “Nancy” and Vassar with the 125mg Valium to that patient. Oh, the things we see.) - Anyway, I'm going to try to stay up and about another hour, let the house warm a touch, shower and head to bed. I'm worried about PAIN tonight again. But... we take it as it comes... I took a Naproxen already too, with meal. Let's hope. - Oh... and my ribs, right side, still hurt, from the “pull” with the pallets about a week ago. Hmmm....
*** NOTING: THERE'S A SURGICAL MASK LAYING IN THE DRIVE OUT-SIDE THE KITCHEN! FUCKING SLOBS!
Makes me sick to look at it. I took photos. Will post to social media. Fucking shit-bags. - 20.08 Off to the shower... as the next-door seems to be moving hone furnishings (as was the case last night also... hmmm...) What-ever. I'm off to BED! AND... HOPEFULLY... TO SLEEP! - It's a “New Year”... again. -

Sat.19.Sep: Rosh Hashannah 5781
4.59 and 1°. The furnace is up because the thermostat read 62F. So with 1 out there and 62 in here.... AND LIGHTS WENT OUT LAST NIGHT AT JUST BEFORE 21.00 AND AT ABOUT 23.50 I WOKE, BRIEFLY, TURNED TO SLEEP ON MY LEFT SIDE AND... WOKE WITH THIS MORNING'S FIRST ALARM AT 4.30... TURNED IT OFF AND DOZED FOR ABOUT 10 MINUES AND HERE I AM... JUST FINISHED WITH FIRST COFFEE! (But just to keep things “normal” for my... that rib pain in the right side is still there and rather “sharp” at times. So it's not “perfectly wonderful”. That's good. We can't have “perfectly wonderful”.) Anyway and so, here we are, Rosh Hashannah... Shabbat... precious little money, watching the gas gauge in the truck, (HOPING the truck runs properly through all of this “work” thing here AND on through the coming Winter... please and thank you), AND... I'm going to work. Oh well. 'tis the “Jewish Life”, one supposes. May it all be worth the effort. (I swear I'm just running my body into the ground here. All that bull-shit o'er cross yon “lac” for all those years, to come to “the mountains to rest”. Well? This does beat the days of getting up and thinking “What will I do to pass the time?” (One supposes.) I've been “blessed”, as it were, with the ability to continue participating in the community (as it were), to provide assistance where needed (as it were). One mustn't shirk, and I shan't. So... *KADIMA*, as it were... indeed... as the furnace rumbles (devouring the fuel for which I am working to replace... no doubt). - 5.24 And now there's enough in the chequing for a pack of smokes... and 3$ left in the savings. Lovely. Oh... the austerity. - 20.45 Just finishing a “Graham Norton” after chatting with Donna who rang me! Imagine? Not for long, but... I appreciate that, for a change, somebody actually wants to keep in touch. And as for the day “at the store”... Well... Rolanda asked me about her car... pulled me out of the store to the parking lot! I'm amazed. AND... for the most part, I was told what they'd like to have done, was told and let go! Brilliant! Rylan appears to be in awe because it seems they're just fascinated that I get along with all the “upper management” but admire me or it or both. Sweet kids, really. And at 16.00, as I was heading for the door, Casey asked me “Will I see you again tomorrow?” Just amazing. - Stopped at the market before home. Pita/wraps, beans and such and for “meal”... stir-fry veggies and the left-over falafel in a wrap. VERY veggie. Ice cream with whipped cream after and hot water (2 mugs). Filling-ish. - Now, my MAJOR concern is gas in the truck. I'm going to have to use my quarters, a fiver and... Stewart's gas! I DREAD the Stewart's gas but... And smokes? Yeah... almost cleaned the account for a pack. Now I HAVE to make it last! - The furnace is on again for a while... until I shower... in moments. Another night of -1 to come. AND I've noticed... LEAVES ARE CHANGING!!! - Furnace just came up again... one of “those” nights. - I'm exhausted, my back hurts too...

Sun.20.Sep: 5.00 and for some reason, it's an extremely difficult morning. I'm quite fatigued, it appears. And it's not so much a matter of “pain” this morning as it is... discomfort... my GUT is expanding! Truly! What's called “Moobs”, or “Man-boobs” are appearing and my gut's expanding. Were it possible, I'd swear it's pregnancy! Some-thing's terribly WRONG with this scenario because, I'm not eating more, nor different and I'm moving about a HELL of a lot more that I've been in the past few months or so. It can't (shouldn't?) be “anxiety” because, well, I'm up and out and about and “makin' money”. One would think this would be the opposite; that I'd be thinning. Unless, well, one thing... morning BMs are down. I'm having them, just not proportionate with the “in-take”. “Blockage” some-where? Well... I mean... WELL! I'll be damned if I'll “seek medical”. The rooms go spinning round, I'm about to pass out, vomit, what-ever, and TWICE the “professionals” find “All your test results are perfect.” Oh HELL NO! NOT going in for more of THAT shit! Anyway... lights were out by 21.30 last night and JUST as I was drifting off... I'd left that jacket on the line on the back porch and didn't “close” the back door, so I got up to attend. Back to bed and with-in moments.. off to a FULL NIGHT'S SLEEP! YAY! Woke, this morning, at 4.30-ish, on my own, and SO wanted to stay in bed and sleep more. But... 1st alarm and... well... here we are, beginning day 6 of the “FamDoll Days”. My ONLY concern presently: gas in the truck. Other than that... smokes lasting until Wednesday AND getting money on Wednesday morning. OK, the gas situation is such that I'll have to use the 10 in quarters in the truck and the last fiver from the cup-board jar. BUT... with the income from this working, I believe I'll put that “Emergency” back into the “light”. There's much I'd like to do with it (a guitar would be nice?) but... we shall see what comes of all of this. - And the furnace is taking the “morning chill” out of the place. Coffee at hand and I've had a quick smoke as I type. (IN the kitchen... FTW, as they say.) - So another day... another day... another... - 19.11 and I'm having a hot water before hitting the shower and... going to bed! - It was a pretty great sort of day at the store today. Constant work, HEAVY work, moving “gondolas”... entire rows of shelves... stocked (on “skates”) but what fun! Even with Rolanda! And it was non-stop too. I'm almost shocked that I'm still sitting (standing, walking, breathing). But it was actually fun. But... I'm looking forward to Thursday and for this to be done. - This morning... there was frost on the windshield. But it defrosted quite quickly and I was on the road. “The weather” is coming... frost on the wind-shield. - Casey bought the 10$ in quarters that I kept in the truck and I added the last fiver and... at “lunch”, put it into the truck's tank at... Stewart's. (Now, I'm hoping the truck starts and runs through the week. Rumours of water in the gas... fuckers.) And it was a 30-minute lunch. - Now, for the amazement: worked until about 16.20... walked in the door at 16.30, put the whites into the basin to soak and got to “meal” of 4 franks in “wraps”, stir-fry veggies. The lavage was done by 15.00 and on the rack, meal was complete and washing-up by 17.45! Except for ice cream which I had after putting the dishes up. And since... watching “tele” a bit. - WHAT a day! - But when water's done... I'm off to the shower and to bed, to be sure. - One thing I have to note, I'm feeling OK today... and a bit “younger”... just the thought of having worked 6 days through. Hey! - Now... I hope smokes last to Tuesday night (though I doubt they will but...) AND I HOPE I GET MY SOC.SEC. ON WEDNESDAY MORNING! FUCKERS. - 20.45 I can't believe how late it's gotten and now... to the shower!

Mon.21.Sep: 4.47 Woke, of a good night's sleep, at 3.33 and went back to sleep until the alarm. And this morning's note: PAIN in the right side of the chest. That is all. - 18.32 I AM ALMOST READY FOR BED! Got a delightful compliment from “Tracy” this evening: I worked with her most of the day (being torn from place to place, corner to corner at the store, of course) and though she was almost exasperatingly slow, I tried to teach her what I know of “retail” and she actually told Rolanda (the Project Manager) “He's funny and he taught me so much today.” WOW! Good deed. (Punishment to follow, I've no doubt.) All told though, working with pulling shelving from the truck, putting up shelves, moving stock, being ignored, then torn in 3 different directions... it was a fun day. And Dan stopped by the store and we chatted a touch. He's “Winterising” his windows, I told him I need to get to mine. I've got, essentially, one... he's got 32! I offered help (of course) after I'm done at the store. - As I say... it was a “fun” sort of day. They need more help than ever now. Instead of getting the 20 they needed, they got about 15... As of today, they're down to 9! So I'm going to try to get to bed very soon and up very early to lend a hand tomorrow. Three days left... It's not so much about the money now... more about helping. I'll feel better (especially since Yom Kippur is Sunday/Monday). - My hands are cracked, fingers are cut up. But... we do what we can. I'm just SO grateful the truck is running and I CAN do this “good deed”, as it were. - The furnace is on now for pre-bed-time. It was a delightful day, but the sun's gone down... it's chilly. - I got the shirts washed this evening as I walked in the door. They're on the rack on the back porch. I'll bring them in before bed. - Pizza for “meal”. The last of the ice cream. Having a hot water now. - My chest: PAINFUL but some-what tolerable. - So I'll do my hot water, grab a shower and off to bed. Let's see when I get to sleep, how much sleep I get and when I wake in the morn. - Rolled 7 “rollies” re-smokes. 4 cigarettes to stretch until Wednesday morn. FUCK! Oh well. - 20.05 Time for a shower. Not feeling very well now. A touch light-headed, a little difficult breathing. “Pressure-pain” in the chest. And my hands are so sore from the dryness. So yeah... time for a shower and off to bed. Three more days promised to Casey... let's see how it goes...

Tue.22.Sep: 3.54 Coffee's made and vitamins taken, a sort through the jeans in the closet (because I can't quite figure out why I seem to be missing some) and believe it or not, the lights went out, as memory serves, just before 21.00 and I actually woke at about 2.20-something, on my own but decided to stay in bed until the 3.30 alarm. 3.33 and out of bed and here I am, at table, furnace just off, taking the morning chill away and... here we go. Perhaps I'll give the store an hour this morning, hopefully I'll be able to tolerate it (in just about every imaginable sense of the word). But here we go. Tuesday. Tomorrow will come the grand fuck-up with Soc.Sec. and who-knows-what else. I've great faith and confidence that there'll be no posts to the account. - Health report: not grand but not intolerable (yet). Last night, after shower, I noticed that “bulge” in the gut again... I mean... HORRID! Fucking horrid! The rest of me is about “normal” but the gut... JimD-style. Awful. I can't figure. This morning, not quite as bad but... I'm quite bloated. (Well, I did have a whole pizza for meal last evening and a bit of ice cream after... ) I wonder how it's at all possible, considering the working of the past 7 days (and 3 to go to completion, yay!). Chest? Neither grand nor even great but... - And there are some re-smokes rolled and 3 cigarettes to be had during the day. Let's see how “Life” will attack... as I close yesterday's entry, “Let's see how it goes...) - 5.15 Y'know? I'm going back for a snooze and never mind the extra hour because I can't see the sense. I can't help but think it'll be wasted so... - 18.34 It was a Hellish sort of day at the store today. I was tired, although I didn't go in until 7.00. No, I decided that going in at 5.00 or 6.00 would, more than likely, be a waste because I'd just be pulled from place to place and accomplish nothing. Well? The day went along those lines, from aisle to aisle and when, at 16.00, I left, there was still work to be done. Do I care? No. I grabbed a piece of “backing” sort of wood (which Ii cut in half as soon as I walked into the door) and took off... to home. I was (and, honestly, still am) thinking of not going back tomorrow and Thursday. Most of the work is done. But last night, the crew came in to paint the walls, from orange to white, and... THEY TOOK ALL OF MY SHELVES ALONG THE BACK WALL, DOWN! IT TOOK ME HOURS TO GET THAT SHIT UP BECAUSE THE “UP-RIGHTS” AREN'T PLUMB! WELL? I'VE NO DOUBT I'LL BE ASKED TO PUT THEM, THE SHELVES, AND ALL THE TOILET PAPER, BACK UP. ALONE... IT'S AN ALL-DAY JOB! I'M TIRED! - But, meal was a “fritatta” again... “stir fry” veggies and about 6 eggs. No desert tonight because I was so tired when I left the store that I forgot to go to market. No prob. - Smokes? “Black smoke” (re-smoke) rollies and 2 cigarettes left for the morning tomorrow. (HOPEFULLY SOC.SEC. WILL BE POSTED TOMORROW MORNING! FUCKERS! BASTARDS! SHIIT-BAGS!) - So I've put the new “'panels” on the plant table in the living-room and across the “droring table”. AND I PUT THE DRORING ROOM BACK TOGETHER AT LAST! - My finger nails need filing. My clothes need washing. I need cleaning. The house needs cleaning. - But this evening, it's not as cold as it's been, the doors are open again and the air is circulating. Good news. - There's SO much I want to do around home... Sunday night to Monday night is Yom Kippur. But there's shopping to be done, for window Winterising and some on the truck. Hopefully soon. Tuesday at the latest? I can hope... if Soc.Sec. comes through. - I have a feeling tonight will be another early night though. - Oh... and it was a PAINFUL day too... right side of the ribs. I need... NEED some rest. But I've made 8 or the 10 days... we shall see what tomorrow brings. - I believe the hummies have left for the Winter. It appears nobody's been at the feeders. They too, have to come down. (I wonder what I'll put on the brackets...) - 20.36 Watered the trees. The plants tomorrow. And I can't watch tele... too tired so... off to the shower, which I'm reading tonight because my fingers are cracked, sliced and sore.

Wed.23.Sep: 5.08 Yep... up, and about... and only “just barely” this morning. The pain in the right side is quite... let's call it... “pronounced”, this morning. I DO suppose I OUGHT to quit this little “gig up at the FamDoll” today because, quite frankly, “things” are not really all so “well”. And I do suppose I might ought to have “things under the hood” checked again today. But the truth of the matter is: I'll go into the ER, they'll sit me in a room for an hour, take more x-rays, run me through another CT, “check the fluids” and tell me the same shit: “Your blood-work is perfect, you've got a nodule on your lung, and other-wise, you're in remarkably perfect health. That'll be 1200$, thank you. Pay at the window on your way out. Thanks for stopping by. Bye.” And the next line will be “We need to remove that there...” OH HELL TO THE HELL-NO! Off to Burlington? VT? I do NOT believe so! Do-whack-jobs busting the rib-cage open, cutting about “exploring”? 3-6 months “rest? Off to a “Re-hab” for a week or two? OH FUCK TO THE FUCK-NO! They'll carry me out on a stretcher before that happens... and even then, it's not likely. So? So... - The rent cheque is made out (I'm just not putting the date on until I KNOW the money's in the account), coffee at hand. I's sitting at the “droring” table with the new top on and it's quite nice. And to my left... and avocado... to my right... an orange... both from seed. The furnace is up, to keep the morning chill away. It's not “cold” in here but it ain't all too warm neither. And another day commences. Today and tomorrow at the FamDoll and that's that. - One thought I had last night before lights-out (at about 21.30 or so... and a touch of difficulty falling asleep... from the “discomfort” of the right side): This gig's been good in that I've returned to the “NYC Hours”... 14th street... “Bed by 21.30, up by 4.30”. And as I sit here this morning, at this little “DIY desk”, with coffee and lap-top, when I look out the windows before me, it's darkness at this hour, and instead of being some 4 storeys above the pavement, we're all on the level here. It's quite dark out there, here, no lights from the stores, the bars, the clubs, and only the occasional set of head-lights pass with a bit of an engine roar... no “droning” of constant traffic... no horns, no nightly revellers gathered in the bar-room door-ways... just now and again, here, the fridge, the furnace... Those were the days, indeed, taken for granted, they were the “normal”. The lights, the voices, the sounds, the activity... Time passed and gone, irretrievable. “The city”... And now? The silence, the settling even of the Autumn leaves from the trees. I sat, last evening, on the front porch, and watched 4 deer enjoying a night meal of fallen apples on the lawn across the road... in silence, under an indigo sky in which hung a beige-orange sliver of moon. This morning, from inside this little house, the work out-side the window is all but blackness and were it not for the sound of fridge and furnace, there'd be silence. Yeah... I used to stand in the back yard, across the lake, and unashamedly yell “I will NOT die in this shit-hole! I'm going HOME to die!” Yep... indeed... this morning, it would appear, even more-so than before... that's what I've done. - I need to get this to the on-line Journals this morning. 20 pages... Goodness! (I'll work with “images” if I'm give the time, later.) - 5.52 All posted to the “Inter-Web”/net/what-ever. Well, all text posted. But that's the “important” bit. And now? On with the show! (Need to check and be disappointed to see that Soc.Sec. will have fucked-up again.) - 6.06 Good and bad: Good? RENT'S PAID!!! Bad? Soc.Sec. STILL fucking deducted the fucking Medicare! So now I'll have to wait another week or two before I get that back! Oh well... Better to get the rent paid on the 4th Wed. as I've done than to see that the idiots gave me only the Medicare... which is more along the lines I expected. And... before going to work (which... is... well... still questionable... because... well... it's... painful.) - 20.24 Just back at table after a MISERABLE CONTRACTION in the right thigh!!!! FUCK! They're getting horribly more painful. - But for notes, before I pass out from fatigue... I MADE IT THROUGH DAY 9 OF 10! I decided to go in and just say that I'd had a box of shelves slam my back (I wouldn't DARE tell the truth!!!) and was in pain. Well? BOTH Casey and Rolanda were extremely understanding and compassionate. I got “Light Duty”! Then again, 3 of the others were out so staffing was minimal, to say the very least. So I did... I actually worked the day away. And it was OK. And I have smokes so that's grand too. After work, a stop at market for ice cream and franks. Meal. - A text from Dorothy this after-noon when I got in for “lunch”. She'd sent at about 6.45. I replied... - This evening, a call from Donna and, as usual, we laughed, and discussed “retail”. SO goo talking with her. - And then, hot water and a smoke (in the kitchen... fukkem) with Graham Norton. - Noting: Thursday-Monday... 20s again! And SUN! More heat! So... - Now... Avery delivered gas whilst I was out... I noticed the flattened grass where they'd trodden. 46$ out. The electric bill? 146 and I STILL CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHY! BUT... there are things I need (like weather-proofing for the windows, &c.) and things I want (like flowers for the front porch... and a GUITAR and rust-proofing for the truck... AND GAS!!!!) so bills will be waiting this month. The rent went out with today's post. The rest can wait. - But now... it's time to hope for a shower and a night's sleep. Tomorrow? I've got work waiting and off I go! - Friday... BOOZE and perhaps, a visit to Walmarde.

Thu.24.Sep: 5.01 And here we go... I wonder if... 10th day of the 10 days... Lettuce sea. - Lights went out at some time after 21.00 last night and I woke of my own at 3.30-some-thing this morning but stayed in the bed. Considered going to the store early... then re-considered and went to sleep. Oh well. At least I slept through the night. No complaints. - I have to look for that rust converter this morning. With good weather to come (as I hear the “tank-tank-tank” of dew-drops on the metal roof of the cellar shed out-side the window of the “dororing room”), IF the old Silverado will allow... a trip Plattsburgh tomorrow? And window kits (and pay the propane bill) and what-ever. ANYway... I'm awake and let's see if I make it through to 16.00 “at the store” (as Oma used to call the bar). - 21.48 SO... back to the old routine of staying up later than I'd prefer. But... NO MORE WAKING AT 4.30 OR 5.00! THE 10 DAYS ARE DONE! Well... close enough. Yes, I went to lunch today at 13.15 (we had to remind the slave-drivers or we'd probably all still be working). What a fuck! One break during the day and 30 minutes for “lunch”. Fuck that! Really! It's been that way all along and so, the “work hours”, 7.00-16.00 is actually 8 hours and 15 minutes. The pay should prove interesting. We shall see. (And it's actually due tomorrow but I'm not counting on it.) The morning? Began with a “meeting” with Melanie who presented quite the “charming” and supporting little chat, including her “personals” such as living in Plattsburgh and covering 1 stores from Chateuguay to Schenectady, including how the Schenectady stores are located in the worst areas. Anyway... Rolanda got me to do the signage and after some hours of trying to figure them all out, since they weren't stacked in order and they weren't too specific, she told me I'd done them wrong. So, trying to correct them, some of the signs went missing! I still don't know where they went. As I was working with that, there was the usual pulling away doing “favours” with others, including dragging scrap metal to the “cage” and shit to the dumpsters. Yeah? Then, she asks me to help Dan with a “cage” on an “end cap” which he did and blocked shelved merch. When I told him that “they” won't like it, he threw a fit, threw the books from the rack onto the shelves and at me and... well, it wasn't personal, to him, but it was to me. I'd had more than I could stand today. I was tired, pissed about breaks and the likes and when, at 13.15, at last, we were “released” to lunch... I came home... and stayed. - Washed the Sherpa sweat-shirt I've been wearing. FILTHY! Then did a pair of jeans and khakis. Shirt on the rack, trousers on the line (they're still there... I'll leave them out over-night). Took a 2-hour nap too! I was miserable! So difficult to breathe, much pain in the chest and so... - 16.00 and my “assignment” officially over... meal... franks and stir-fry again... finished and ice cream. - Washing-up done... at about 19.00 I rang Donna and we chatted and laughed. Right after, rang Dorothy and we chatted and I tried laughing but she's SO judgmental and such. Oh well. To think that she and I used to be closer, but these days, Donna and I are. But it was a delight to talk with them. - And now... having a hot water before going to the shower and to bed. Tomorrow, maybe I'll get some shopping in. (I paid the gas bill... the rent is paid... the rest will have to wait. Tough shit! I'm tired, I've worked hard... Fuck them!) - Bit of a note: This morning, whilst sitting on the toilet, a mouse came out from between the shower and the kitchen/loo wall! Under the shower! Moth balls into the opening. It came out, saw me, ducked in... came back out and headed out into the kitchen. I've no idea where it went but... I went to work after putting the moth-balls down. Wow. Meanwhile, it appears the rubber “garden snake” on the counter-top keeps mice away... no turds up there. I'll have to look for more of those snakes and put them round the house. - And since it was up in the “hot” again today, the flies were all over the place. Moth balls on the window sills in the living-room. Oh well. - Tonight I have to wonder if anybody noticed that I didn't return to day. It was only 2 hours but still, no call? Not that I particularly care. As of this morning, the “assignment” was to be extended through the week-end for those who want to remain. Good luck to them. (There's a truck due tomorrow... fuck that shit.) I feel fine about it all. I gave my 10 days... and I worked quite hard whilst there. (I'm just curious about the pay... to be seen.) - Now? How water, a Naproxen and a shower and to bed! Let's see when I wake tomorrow. I'd like to get up to Plattsburgh Walmarde and perhaps Lowes. Window kits for the bed-room window, window cleaner, pots for the geraniums, anti-rust for the truck. (The “tape” is about 50$ so that will wait a little bit longer.) - Maybe look for a guitar? I don't know yet. Anyway... the weather is supposed to be warm. - The leaves are changing SO QUICKLY! 2 days and there's so much red and yellow. Thankfully, we've got some more warm days ahead so no furnace. YAY! - OK... that's that for this for now. Water time and BED! HOPEFULLY SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT!

Fri.25.Sep: 7.08 Well? I heard the 6.00-something alarm, as it sounded in the drawing-room because, well, I woke at about 4.30 for the first time, 5-something for the second time and got out of bed at 6.33 at last. And now, coffee's done, a quick-smoke in the kitchen as I put the jeans, short and unders into the basins to soak a while. (The jeans, the “good” jeans, have some-thing ground into the knees so they require soaking.) I did sleep through the night... but didn't get there until about mid-night so it's not exactly a great night's sleep. But it seems to be “sufficient” at the moment so I'll accept. - Looking out the window this morning... the colour is “yellow”... almost ALL of the leaves on almost ALL of the trees have turned. As I said last night to Dorothy, with-in about 2 days... BANG! Tuesday was, after all, the “Official” Autumn. - Anyway... woke from a strange and deep and disorienting dream/night-mare this morning. So disturbing that I laid in the bed a while, “lost” in it, or, more like “imprisoned” in it. I was awake, eyes open, but I could get the dream to stop in my head! It was, to the best of my recollection:
I was “working” in some sort of show-room or retail situation, assembling shelving of some sort, make of thin, steel rods, the typical “coated” sort. Working with a group of strangers, as a team of “contractors” of sorts. But I wasn't one of the “team”... that place of business was “my” employer some-how and not theirs. So, end of shift approached and I wasn't employed by the business, I'd simply gone into the office/store and joined the “crew” because I had no home, I didn't reside there, so I thought I'd just join in with the work and pass as an employee in the hopes of finding shelter of some sort. The crew, to my understanding, were contracted, from out-of-town and I thought I could get accommodations where they were staying. Well then, work-shift done, I followed the crew into another space... a large, almost “convention-centre” sort of space, just off the show-room we'd been working in. The space was very large, there were many people about, and tables set along the walls that had “buffet-style” food. As the rest took plates and food, I did the same, though I took extremely small portions, not wanting to “stand-out” and just in case I got discovered, I thought smaller portions would be less conspicuous and “punishment” for having taken, would be less. I truly did NOT belong in that crowd but I had no-where else to be/go! - In moments, it was late and time for all to retire for the night. I had no room to go to, and accommodations for the crew were in the same building. At one end of the “conference room” were assembled, “boat-like”, extremely large, “divans”, made of ply-wood and carpeting, set on wheels. The crew-members moved to these “boat/divans” and got on them, almost gleefully. Some folks actually knew that this was the mode of transport to the rooms while others were amazed and amused. I went along as one of those who were familiar with it all (I tried to appear so) and got onto one quite large affair with dark blue carpeting. And, on their own, the “boats set off”, through a set of swinging doors where we found our-selves in a hotel-like hall-way, large enough to accommodate the transport and still allow for a lot of room for us all to disembarque. As every-one did, they headed off, down different corridors, and I, well, I found an open door to a “room” at the top of an inclined hall-way off the main, and headed to it (since I needed an open door... having no “room-key” of my own, as it were and it appeared that the others were paired-off in little groups per room). The halls were all painted some sort of “nondescript” variation of a “washed-out almost turquoise”, dimly lit, stark and rather oppressive. As I entered the room, I noticed that it was “furnished” with what appeared to be old, other-wise disposed-of, worn furnishings. Old office-type chairs, a rather box-like, darkly upholstered sofa, the carpeting was worn. It held a rather dank, damp odour. There were about 3 others there already, making merry and were either already established in it or visiting or also new to it. They ignored me, and I, them, as I walked about, looking for a place I might “settle” into. I needed to pee, and went to look for the loo. There was none, but just inside the door, in a corner, there was what appeared to have been a toiled, caulked and plastered into the wall, so that only about a quarter of the front of it was visible, seat down. It had all been painted over to match the rest of the corner... in a dark green. Completely useless. So I stepped out into the hall-way where, amongst the others, milling about, I came upon 3 spinsterly-sort of women, perhaps in their 50s or so, and though they all had the same “bowl-cut” hair-style and different clothing, their faces were identical to one-another... almost identical triplets, of a sort. I was un-nerved by this. And they appeared to be employees of either this “hotel” or some sort of association with either the hotel or the company that employed the contractors. They all looked at me with a rather suspicious sort of expression and yet, greeted me “kindly”, as though I was excepted to be there. We didn't speak but more acknowledged one-another's presence. I continued on my search for a loo. - Happening upon a fellow, dressed in business attire, I asked, quietly, if there was a “gents' rest-room” some-where. He directed me to a corner of a common hall-way where I saw both, a toilet and some sort of, well, it was a metal barrel-sort of apparatus, suspended from the ceiling and mounted to the wall. The “barrel” was open in the front, and from the ceiling, attached by a pipe from which water came, continually, down, into the barrel and then drained via another pipe that went to the floor. I was to pee in the “barrel” as the toilet was for “other purposes” (so I was told but another fellow who'd just used the make-shift “urinal”, then, in order to “flush”, I had to tap the pipe inside the barrel, along which water continued to run... it was disgusting but...). I never did get to use it, didn't have to pee any more and returned to the room. - Some-how I became aware of the fact that this “room” was some-how affiliated NOT with the contractors, nor with any “tourists” or “hotel guests”. Rather, the 3 women were employees of some sort of “Mental Health” clinic, and the people I'd associated with in the room were “patients”... mentally ill, in various manners. The “kindness” of the women AND the “staff” of the institution was given because, simultaneously they saw me as a new patient AND and interloper! They knew I didn't belong and yet they accepted that I DID belong. I grew anxious, but, having no-where else to go to, I played along... keeping to my-self and trying to avoid contact with any-one for fear of being “found-out” and put out. - There was a large, typical of hotel/motel, window along one wall. I wanted to open it to “air the place out” and so, I went to it and looking out, realised that I was (we were?) in a hotel affiliated with the World Trade Centre... the OLD WTC, in NYC! So I thought that this must be a “wing” of some kind, set aside and used to house a clinic for the mentally ill and I'd some-how stumbled into it. Looking out, I discovered that we were about 3 storeys up, on the back of the building. There was brilliant sun-light out-side and a breeze was blowing. As I looked to the right I saw that we were located VERY close to what resembled the old bus ramps of Port Authority and access ramps along the Cross-Bronx Expwy. going to the GWB! Cars and trucks kept rolling by. But I wanted to open the window and so, with the crank-handle on one, I began to do so. But as the large windows swung out, they began knocking off some very small (perhaps 3-4 inch) flower pots which contained small plants and cacti, and which had been placed along the outer sill for decorative purposes (though they weren't at all, “decorative”). I was quite concerned about the damages caused but wanted the window open. Some people in the room saw the pots dropping off and rather shrieked that I mustn't open the window whilst others delighted as the breeze RUSHED into the room. “OHhhhh!” said one woman (obviously a “patient”) said, “They'll catch you and charge you for that!” but she didn't seem too awfully concerned and smiled. - I began to drift out of sleep at this point and almost “stalled” between sleep and wakefulness for the longest while. I was consciously aware of being awake, as I laid in the bed, but the dream kept running, almost as if in the back-ground of my consciousness. I continued to try to open the window and all the while, the feeling of not belonging there, having no other place to go to, essentially being other-wise homeless, the anxiety associated with both states just increasing, I opened my eyes and, looking round my own bed-room, felt “detached” in a way, belonging here and yet not, the “state” of the dream continuing for about 10 minutes or so. I was, for lack of another way to describe it, trapped IN the dream-state! That held until, at last, I heard the “alarm” on the phone in the next room... waited for it to stop and then, after a few moments, turned, looked at the clock, saw “6.33” and came to the realisation that if I didn't get up and begin to move about, I'd just be stuck, hanging in that dream and so... I did get up and out of the bed. - What a HORRIBLE state to be in! It's never happened THAT deeply ever before! I've NO idea what happened to cause it but..
7.38 I'm still recounting last night's dream but just happened to check the TrailNort account and BEHOLD! INDEED! ONE WEEK'S PAY IS IN THE ACCOUNT THIS MORNING! 448,10. So I need to see the “advice” to figure how many days, but I'm certain it's not the entire amount and of course, I did rather expect that. So, 2 Oct. will be the rest(?). That should be when my “Medicare” 144 comes in as well. - 9.32 WELL OK THEN! Just finished the account of the dream. Thankfully that's over with. - In the mean-while, I've managed to wash the under-wear and the jeans and the flannel shirt I'd worn to the store. Under-wear is on the rack under the Sherpa that I'd washed last evening (it's still not dry enough), the shirt is on a rod in the shower and the jeans are “draining” in the kitchen basin. - The sun is up and shining nicely on the yellowing mountains. The pee-oh is open but I don't know who's “manning” today (not that it matters because I'm not answering doors or the likes... it's been nice, the past 10 days, not associating with the likes). - It's nice that there's money in the banque this morning and now, although yesterday, I was looking forward to doing some needed shopping, I'm dreading going into the stores... with fucking face covered and having to be about “people”. But... I'll work the particulars about money and needed supplies and, most likely, head up to Plattsburgh and Lowes and Walmarde and such. No sense going to Port Henry and Ticonderoga since there are various items, like window Winterising, and rust converter and such for the truck. And gas is a little more expensive there than Port Henry but, truth is, there's nothing but Stewart's available locally and I'm still nervous about having put that shit into my tank already so... - Off to “budget” and plan, hang today's jeans on the line and... away we go with the day... I suppose (though, there's about to be a “snooze”... HEY! I CAN AND SO I FUCKING WILL! WE'RE “BACK TO RETIREMENT”!!! - Lungs? Well... shitty, but tolerable. I DO believe, that I do BELIEVE that I KNOW what's going on... it's probably a matter of months but, with the time at hand, no sense in just giving-in and giving-up.... KADIMA! as it were. - 10.12 Julius is at home today. The pee-oh is open for another hour or so... so I'm going for a snooze whilst the jeans in the basin drain a bit more. Then? On the road... if I feel the... what-ever. - 12.10 Lavage done and hanging. I'm dressed and getting ready to hit the road. Cloudy but no “rain” in forecast. Here we go! - 19.16Left at about 12.45... Returned at about 17.30... JUST finishing the un-packing after planting t he 5 MUMS on the front porch. Pizza for meal... More details to follow. WOW! WHAT A DAY! (Yeah... nice now... I haven't done the “banquing” yet... and might not until Sunday. Savour the moment.) - 22.56 Passing on the vodka and the shower tonight. Off to bed, with a hot water. - (Sat.26.Sep: 6.57 Catch-up.) SO let's see now, the trip to Plattsburgh... and away we go...! As I say, the last time I looked at a clock, before leaving the house, it was 12.03 so I'll assume I rolled out of the drive at about 12.30-ish. Took the 9 up to Chesterfield and onto the Northway, heading first, to Walmarde, with shopping list on-hand AND iPOD PLUGGED INTO THE RADIO IN THE TRUCK. “SCHLAGERSAHNE” ON THE ROLL! Gorgeous day, weather-wise and the trees are already in reds, golds, yellows and greens. BEAUTIFUL! - First stop, Walmarde-Mall (as it were). A stop at “Staples” to see about “columnar pads”. Yes, they had the 2-column, but available only in packs of 2 at almost 12$! WTF? I only want ONE and I'll be damned if I'll pay 6$ each! Checked for printer ink and at 32$ EACH for the black... fukddat. So out the door and headed to Michael's where I'd seen terracotta pots on my previous visit. At about 4$ each (and 2$ for the saucers... a rip-off, as far as I'm concerned... “Made In Mexico” and NOT “Italy”) I did grab 5, mostly because they were there, available and I wanted them... and out the door, put them in the truck and dropped by “Home Goods” where I found a GREAT stainless pot for a mere 20$! (The tag reads “Compare at 30$ but I'm certain it would be a bit more... perhaps almost 40$ at least... so I grabbed it! I need it, it was there, I worked HARD to afford it... I'll make good use of it... It's now mine!) Popped it into the truck and off to Walmarde. I DO SO HATE going into that shit-show! SO much space and SO little merchandise! But I DID find the mums for the front porch... FIVE of them, in that wine-red! They were 4,84$ each... OK, not the 3$ I'd hoped to pay but, they're quite nice. (AND, what makes it better... at a stop a Lowes later on, they're about 6$ each there! A SAVING! Yay, me. What-ever.) Got a back of “potting soil” and a new battery-operated electric tooth-brush (which I've been wanting for a while and it was time to change my tooth-brush anyway because I've been using this one since the return to NY and it was under 20$ and comes with 2 brush heads and the batteries so...). Window kit to Winterise the bed-room again and some tape to seal the other windows as well, BEST BIT: I DID FIND THE TUBE AND TYRE FOR THE GARDEN CART BUT REALISED... IN ORDER TO PUT A TUBE-TYRE ON THERE, I NEED A HOLE IN THE RIM FOR THE TUBE STEM... SO... I passed on that expense and will have to ponder the hole-in-the-rim part now. Fine. Better to realise BEFORE purchasing. Any-way, all told, I DID managed to get MOST of what was on my shopping list AND I stuck with it (save for the back belt which I consider a “splurge” item, although it IS/HAS BECOME a “necessity” of late). With house-hold cleaners and the likes, I was a touch taken when the total rolled up to 110$ BUT... the trip was not for naught. WELL worth the effort and expense (all costs considered). Still... IT TOOK SO TOO MUCH FUCKING LONG! Shit's all spread out over the store, I'm not familiar with that one and kept heading into directions in the Ticonderoga store. I didn't get out of there until 15.38, according to the receipt: Just over TWO bloody hours for 17 items! But wait, no, I'm looking at the receipt and well, left the house at 12.30, the drive up is approximately 45 minutes, and I DID stop at Staples and Michael's before so I DO suppose it wasn't all that too long a time, in spite of the fact that it WAS too long because shit's all over the store and there's no-one to help find any-thing. OK... Moving along...) Out of Walmarde and across to Mobil for gas where I made an error... Got the “Regular” instead of the “Mid” BUT... it DID SAVE me money and the tank was just about FULL on 35$ so... Besides, after a a run-through of “Sea Foam” and another of “GTP”... the regular should be fine AND I wanted to put in enough to make sure there's no water in there after that “Stewart's” gas. No complaints. - Fine and dandy and I needed the “rust reformer”... so across Cornelia to Lowe's where they had 3 cans of “Rustoleum” only and the tops were busted and the cost, almost 7$ each. I decided then that I'd actually try for “Tractor Supply” which I've wanted to visit any-way and since the weather was good and the tank was full and most of the shopping list was found... in spite of the help from a delightful little sales-gal, I put the cans-in-hand back on the shelf and departed. - In the parking l lot I noticed the “Dollar Tree” store that they'd talked about at the FamDoll here. Large and dirty. So I took a drop-in, looking for toilet paper (which is NEEDED in the house). It's not too bad, but it is a bit dreary, drab and shouldn't be, considering it's not all that “new”. Yes, they had 2 brands of paper... neither of which I wanted... and if I was to spend only a dollar, I wasn't about to use the banque card for that so... a pass... Back in the truck... I thought it might be too late to get a bottle of vodka (which I DID want today!) on arrival back in Elizabethtown, and I remembered a liquor store in the area on Cornelia... imagine my SURPRISE... it was right there! At the entrance to the Lowe's! SO... I simply spun into the parking lot, into the store to find... Smirnoff at 4$ LESS than in E-town! (I bought TWO... just because.) It's AT Lowe's and directly across from Mobil! How convenient! I was THRILLED and inspired to head to Tractor Supply! So off and along the Cornelia to the “Della Dr” and... I FOUND IT! NICE STORE! THE SALES-GAL WAS MOST HELPFUL AND... THE COST OF THE “RUSTOLEUM”, IN PERFECT CANS? ALMOST 2$ LESS THAN AT LOWE'S! ANOTHER SAVING! SAVED ON THE MUMS (Walmart 5$, Lowe's 6$... saving 5$), the mistake at the gas (2,30/gal as opposed to 2,70/gal... 6$ savings there), vodka (26,98 E-town, 22,99 Plattsburgh, 3,99ea. almost 8$ saved), and 2$ total saved at Tractor Supply. Hey! Yes, I've probably blown 4 days' worth of “earned” (FUCKING HARD-EARNED) salary, but... considering my needs and list? I'd say it went quite well! And well... I ALSO GOT TO LISTEN TO *CKOI* ON THE RADIO WHILST IN PLATTSBURGH! WOO-HOO! - SO... feeling quite well, the truck running quite nicely, *** ACCOMPLISHED *** (and much the poorer for it), as the day tried to turn to evening, I was back on... THE NORTHWAY, listening again to the “Schlagersahne” and rolling along at about 110kmh and just absorbing the delight of remembering the days when seeing the sign for the “Lewis” rest area meant another 100mi to Albany, or another 150mi to Dutchess, or another 200mi to The City... the *dream* of being a “resident” and today... it was another mere moments until I reached... HOME... right there/here! The colours on the trees, the sky, the temperature...
As I rolled along the flats out of Plattsburgh and saw before me, the Adirondacks rising on the horizon, it reminded me of the days of rolling along the 52 toward Shongum, and seeing THOSE mountains on the horizon and thinking “That's HOME there... those mountains... I just need to get to those mountains and I'm HOME!” Yes, indeed...
A quick check of the time and it was 17.20... and I didn't regret even a tick of a second of the time spent today! As I say: “WOW! Just WOW!”. Off at exit 32 “Lewis” and the roll HOME! - On arrival, I un-packed the truck, pulled to the front of the house to un-load the mums on the porch, put the truck in the drive by the garage and... came in, un-packed the house-hold items, headed directly to the front porch to plant the mums and tossed a pizza into the oven as I “settled-in”. “Meal” was considerably later than my usual 17.00 but, all told... What a wonderful day! And... Shabbat came quietly. “LIFE”... in THE NORTH COUNTRY!
(And, on Saturday morning, 7.59, so ends the recall, recap, recount of a beautiful day.)

Sat.26.Sep: 6.46 Happy Birthday Joyce. (Yes, I still remember.) I don't have the slightest notion why I'm up and about this morning already, and it isn't because I had a complete night of restful sleep, to be sure. I was up, walking round the place twice during the night, with foot-muscle contractions and one grand bout of right leg thigh contraction as well at about 2.00 and again at about 4.00. But I woke at about 5.00, laid in bed, heard the alarm that was set for “work” (which I've just deleted!) and, feeling rather “rested”, just decided to get out of bed and on with the day. It was a night of “back brace” too. Yep... these muscle contractions MUST be related to back/spine damage. But never mind that. Nobody wants to be bothered with/about it so, it's something I'll just assimilate into “existence”. Fukkem. Fukkemall. Indeed. - But I HAVE gotten “things” accomplished already this morning, like putting away the jeans that were washed... Thursday and yesterday. It DID take “that long” to dry in this odd weather. But they're done. And this morning, already, I washed the red t-shirt worn to work... ALL of “that” washing is done... so too, all else, except the bed linens which will get done on Monday night (after Yom Kippur) or Tuesday next. And I've watched as the day breaks, and the trees out-side have gone from black-and-white to yellows and reds. Autumn is, indeed, HERE! It's rather lovely, especially considering that I'm planning on a day of being in, attending to “things” (mostly the potting of the geraniums) and keeping away from ALL other folks. I want nothing to do with “people” today (or any other day, for that matter). It WILL be my “day of rest”, no matter what. - And so, that noted, I've got a LOT of catching-up with yesterday to get to this morning, and so... I'm on to that... before I head back under the blankies for a snooze... which I WILL be taking... especially when the pee-oh opens, indeed, to be sure. - 7.59 and yesterday is recorded. Now? Ms. Suze will be at the pee-oh in a bit and I'm considering a bit of a snooze in such time. Still have the drear of the “accounting” but... hey... this is MY day. That's all there is to it. - 12.49 And... a 2-hour snooze was taken, and made quite a nice difference in what-ever. From that, I managed to pot the geraniums and the poor things... they're hanging-on for dear life. The excess soil from the pots is in the kitchen garden, the papers and cuttings are on the “compost”. I checked today's (no) post. And it's GLORIOUS out there! Nice, warm breeze. Though it's hazy, so I don't even have the incentive to “climb” for a photo. Ah well, no prob. - The “banquing” has been done and the results aren't all too bad. Not “fantastic” but not bad. And chicken is on the thaw for tonight's “meal” at... when-ever. - Julius has departed. I suspect, on the way to Moriah. (There's a case from “Claw” and another 6-pack of “Sam Adams”. Ah hah... there's been “imbibing” taking place o'er there. Well, I must say, he's quiet about it. (Let's see in some weeks, whether or not we get the “news”... that some-body's... “expecting”. Wouldn't surprise me, I have to say.) - And so, the morning has passed. The pee-oh is closed until Monday (which will be a day when I completely avoid all). And time moves along... along... along. - 4 “bikers” stopped in front of the house a little while ago, to take the common “photo” of the sign and such. Sadly, they parked, facing the road, so the exhaust came in through the open door which I'd opened only moments before. And even sadder still, none of “interest”. (I merely note.) - So... so much for Saturday... already. Eh? - OH! Seems I'd left the tail-gate to the truck open over night! WOW! Silly (stupid?) me! Thankfully, nothing was disturbed. Country living, I suppose. - 16.12 Meal is cooking and I'm feeling MUCH “lighter”... After so rather very long... HFO10z! And I'm grateful! - It's almost miserably hot out there this evening. The forecast was for 25° and I DO believe it's reached that. Even the breeze is warm. But... sooner than... there will be no more warmth. So I shall revel in this. - FM102, Radio Tel Aviv on in the living-room, doors open and fresh linens on the bed. When the sun sets... Hoover and... that's that for this day too. It's been “relaxing”... to be sure. - Noting: A Mass. plate just turned in the drive. A VT plate just passed on the main. “New England”... Oh, how I wanted, got and it's another one of “those” events... done, accomplished, passed. I've “come home to die”. - 19.48 Well? This day appears to be done... I'm so tired! Was going Hoover before going to bed but... nope. It's dark out there and I'm just too damned tired! In fact, I don't even want a drink! Imagine that! TWO bottles of vodka in the freezer, just enough tonic for a drink, and some cranberry juice as well and no desire. OK then. Looks like I'll just go for the shower and head to bed. Not immediately though. If I were to get into bed now... I'll be up at 2.00 and no... no... The store opens at 8.00 tomorrow so I can take care of that then. But for now... Try to stay awake for about 45 minutes more and THEN... off to bed! What a day. - 20.55 OFF TO THE SHOWER!

Sun.27.Sep: 6.28 and the wash is in the basins... BOTH... bed-linens in one, whites in the other. WHERE I'm going to hang them is anybody's guess but, they're washing so... - DID get into bed by 21.30 and got 2 pages read and I was out for the night... *for the night*. I slept! Thankfully. Woke at about 3.00 and tried to get back to sleep. Then again, up at about 3.30. Then again at 4.30... 5.00... and at about 6.00 I decided to just get out of bed. BUT... the oddest dream. (Aren't they all? Or, at least, most.) - It's oddly-strangely very warm in the house this morning (or I'm burning with fever?). Sitting here, at the “droring” table, “clammy-ish”, un-dressed. Hmmm... One wonders. Anyway... let me see about getting this dream down. It's almost “disturbing”:
The Bronx. Allerton. Bedford Park. Marble Hill. Riverdale. And weather-wise, always very heavily over-cast, quite dark, but not at night. Rather, Summer-ish, late after-noon. As if there was always some sort of impending storm. - I had just taken a flat, some-where in the Allerton/Bedford Park area. Rent was paid, but there was nothing in the flat, and I hadn't actually yet, moved-in. I was doing some sort of work for the land-lord, a little “property maintenance” or the likes, on other properties around The Bronx, I didn't like the work, and it wasn't that I “needed” to do it, but it was more along the lines of a “kindness”, some-how. It took me round and about the boro and it kept me busy.- I was also a member of some sort of group/club, “artsy”, located in a little enclave in the Marble Hill area, along the river. Mostly young folks who thought themselves quite posh. And there, I did a lot of work as well, as we were setting-up the “club area”, making little shanties/bungalows and exhibition space on the river bank, where the river bent (“Marble Hill”). - On the “cliff”, I was setting-up a space that was to be mine, some distance apart from and higher up than the “central” area of the group. I'd installed a bed, metal base, box-spring, 3 pillows. Not in a shed/bungalow, just in the open, on a bit of an out-crop. I'd also installed one for the group, on the bank, which was to be used as a sofa/couch for them and visitors. - There'd been some sort of “incident” that pissed me off terribly, unforgivable, and I was in the process of leaving the group, and working, simultaneously, so I was off to work in the land-lord's flats over in Allerton/Bedford Park and working on dismantling “my” bed on the cliff. (That aspect was quick snaps, back and forth in the dream, most of the time with-out any travel between the places.) - As I worked to dismantle the bed, I was to bring it to my flat. But, although I knew I HAD a place, I didn't know WHERE! I'd taken it, gotten the key, but I'd done so so quickly between jobs for the land-lord and the group that I never bothered to get the address, nor remember the location. I had a general idea where it was located, but not the actual, specific location. As I dismantled the bed on the cliff, I manged to get the 3 pillows to the flat, but forgot where it was any-way. AND I wanted to dismantle it with-out anybody in the group noticing. I was just going to leave, with-out any confrontation, discussion or the likes. I was dismayed, as it were, because I wasn't sure how to move the metal frame and/or the box-spring. I “had a truck” but didn't have access to it for some reason, was trying to figure out how to move it from Marble Hill to Allerton/Bedford Park on public transport. - At a point, I was at the location of the group, sitting on the bed there, pondering the move of the cliff-side bed and people, members of the group, would walk by and say, with snark and sarcasm “Mr. Tantrum”. (Apparently, my dissatisfaction with the group had something to do with something I'd said and I addressed the matter with an out-burst of some sort. I didn't know, in the dream, the particulars, I was under the impression that no sort of action was taken and that I was just leaving quietly.) I was annoyed because the people who were calling me that name were people I didn't even know and who, I understood, had no relationship with the matter. Complete strangers to me, and calling me “Mr. Tantrum”, in a most condescending tone. I just sat on the bed and let them have their say, I neither responded nor replied. - I needed to get to the flat (still not knowing exactly where it was located) and so, had to take a Nr.1, up-town train. At the station, I didn't have a token/card/fare and didn't know how much the fare was! I had a bit of money in my pocket and was rather in a hurry (for some reason). I reached into my pocket to get out what-ever money I had and thought I'd get one fare, the remembered that there was no less than a round-trip to be sold/purchased and was worried that I didn't have enough money. I decided that I'd just put all the money through the booth window and see what I got for it and suffer any loss. As I was reaching for the cash, a some-what crazed, younger sort of guy, 30-ish, farily good-looking and well-dressed, came round a corner and pulled a knife! He was complimenting the blade as he flailed his arm about, smiling. I was aware that he intended to rob somebody and that the blade was quite sharp enough to slash through even heavier clothing! I quickly pushed my money under the kiosk window to pay a fare so that I didn't have any cash and the guy, stilling flailing, saw it and smiled saying, in a crazed sort of tone “HAH! Here we have somebody who doesn't know the fare! HAH! Well at least you know what train you need!” and he pushed his way through the other people who were there... but never made an attempt to stop him. - I was on the train, elevated, rolling along, standing. The Nr.1 heading up-town. I was aware of being between Washington Heights and Marble Hill and then Kingsbridge and then, suddenly, I was on a bus... a “Nr.1” bus that was supposed to travel farther North and then I had to figure how to make connections to the other 2 buses I needed to take, travelling East-bound to get to the flat. But the bus made a turn, going up a hill (toward Riverdale)! I had to get off because we were heading West and I was SO tired and knew I'd have to walk the distance BACK to compensate! Somebody signalled for the next stop, I didn't know how much farther it was until then but was relieved that somebody else needed to get off there. When we arrived, I disembarked. It was at the top of the cliff, at the river, more or less “Spuyten Duyvil”. I was a bit hungry/thirsty and there was a little out-door “café/bistro” of sorts, located at the precipice of the cliff at the side of the street! Precarious, at best, but there. And there were others already sitting, backs to the river, having drinks and such. I took a place at a bar-like structure, the seating was like the old soda-fountains: round stools that rotated on a single pole, attached to the ground/pavement. Across from me was a young fellow who had a sort of “lime-aid” beverage, thick, clear, green. But at the bottom of the clear plastic cup, there was “sand”! Beside the cup, a pitcher of more of the liquid and I wanted to refresh the drink in the cup and get rid of some of the sand but as I poured the liquid from the pitcher to the cup, even MORE sand came into the cup. I apologised to the young man, mostly for intruding and not minding my own business and he smiled and politely said “Oh, that's OK. It happens. The sand is supposed to be in there.” OK, I thought, and added some milk from a small creamer-pitcher, to the cold water that was in my cup. As I began to drink it, wondering why I'd watered-down the milk OR why I'd put milk in the water, I heard somebody behind me comment, in a rather disgusted tone “One of those who drinks milky water.”... and I woke from the dream. - I could make all sorts of associations with all sorts of particulars in this one... the leaving with-out notice (FamDoll), working for the land-lord (my dissatisfaction with the repairs here, at home)... But what a MESS of a dream... scattered, splattered and all over the place! It's a wonder that I didn't wake exhausted!
7.22 and the dream is noted and a group of 4 broads, the morning “joggers” just arrived and left, but not before one of them ducked into the trees across the road, in the “park”, to pee. How splendid to sit at my little window and, as the night becomes sufficiently light to be called “morning” to have to see THAT! - Well... time to finish the washing and get the show on the road. A quick stop at FamDoll for toilet paper, ammonia for the windows, candles and such. - Tonight brings Yom Kippur... “At-one-ment” day. - 16.17 Rice and black beans heating on the stove. Tonight's “meal” simply because there's a pizza in the freezer but I don't want to be bothered with oven and such. Besides... I'm a touch tired and my chest isn't all too well any-way. BUT.... - THE BED-LINENS AND CLOTHES ARE WASHED AND THE LINENS ARE DRY AND PUT AWAY! - I got the notion to rip-up, tear-down and till the kitchen garden this morning and so now, it's done. Pulled the edible green tomatoes and found recipes for “Fried Green Tomatoes” (like breaded squash, really). We shall see IF that becomes a “thing”. But no more gardens. Done. The season is finished. The beets? Complete disastre! Total shit! About 5 or 6, about the size of a ping-pong ball. Well, it's as I say: Live and learn. IF I'm around next season, I'll take better care (and get better soil, to be sure). Meanwhile... as I say, gardens are gone. - Alvin came over to have a lovely chat whilst I was “gardening”. We chatted about retail. He'd worked for Alexanders! We chatted about “covid” and how people “from away” are those who'd bring it into the area. He'd heard that I worked at the FamDoll (of course he did... I was seen by ONE person and that's all it took... I don't like it but I guess life happens that way... doo-doo doo-dah-dah-doo, doo-doo). All told, fine chat. - I finally stepped-out to market at about 10.45 and got a couple of items (crisps to go with v-ton included... should I wish to so partake and should I have the time. Stopped at Kinney's for biotine too, at last. Then, on to FamDoll where Bubba was on working with “Alan” (I believe his name is... the little “ginger” kid, as he self-described). Seems he and Penny were the only 2 who stayed-on and now Alan is in training for PT Asst. Mgr. How charming. I'm told Alan and Rolanda had it out on Thursday because she kept pulling him into all directions. So... and I'm not sure whether anybody noticed that I'd not returned after lunch because when I mentioned it to Bubba, he seemed surprised. (But I KNOW Rolanda noticed... to be sure.) Anyway, the store is in “fair” order. And I got the last 2 candles that I like so much. The Amish parasites cleaned out every-thing in the “cage” already. Bubba's pissed because they took his peg board. Me? I got one of those “end-cap wall boards” (to use as a plant table in the living-room when I get the time and energy). But the one thing that I'd wanted... the “fence”, to make a shelf in the shower? Well, the ONLY items those “flies on a carcass” left behind were the shelves and a few bits of wood-stuff. Kriste! Couldn't wait. I'm a bit pissed-off but... Never mind. I did make it known than if I'm needed in future, I'm available. We shall see. But it was quite nice to chat with those 2 guys. I'm “OK” then. - Came back to the house and got into cleaning and serious cleaning at that until about 14.15 when I had a lie-down for about 45 minutes. And when I woke, my chest was worse. Painful, indeed. But... “life” (as it is), goes on and... THIS HOUSE IS CLEAN! - So now... a bit of “meal” and we'll see how the evening rolls into tonight. Hopefully, I'll be able to get to bed early, have a RESTFUL SLEEP THROUGH and wake tomorrow, feeling “better” than today. - It HAS gotten up to about 25°,with a truly WARM breeze through the day. Hopefully tomorrow will be like-wise. (If so, I'm going for a stroll, perhaps along the river?). - Time to get to the kitchen and such. Banquing from this morning is done... I'm “caught-up”... and exhausted from it. But feeling WONDERFUL because of it. - 21.37 Showered at 20.00 and found PARK AVENUE SYNAGOGUE ON-LINE! KOL NIDRE! THE ENTIRE SERVICE! It just ended. How WONDERFUL to have a service again! (In spite of the v-ton and a smoke... and now, cookies.) Tomorrow morning, the “streaming” continues. SERVICE... again! - So now? Another v-ton because... a few more cookies and to bed. THIS IS MAGNIFICENT!

Mon.28.Sep: 7.47 18° out-side, 24° in the house and... rain... supposedly through the entire day. (So much for the “stroll along the river”. Eh?) Admittedly, I had a rather potent v-ton before bed last night. Got to sleep by about 22.00 and save one trip to the loo this morning at about 1.00-ish (when I saw that the “router” light was red instead of “blue”... meaning... the internet was down, and for quite the while, to my knowledge, though I saw it only as I let the bed-room and then returned to go back to sleep), I managed to stay in bed, and asleep until about 7.00! Great night's sleep. Sadly, my chest is “full” this morning and the heat isn't making matters any the better. The dull-sharp pain in the right side is a bit more pronounced this morning, but as I sat on the front porch, briefly, in the warmth and drizzle, the fact: ANY day could be THE day for ANY of us at ANY time, no matter what. And as for “CA Lung” and Ms. Suze's “You could have another 20 years!”? BOLLOCKS! Really? Another situation as was with Oma and mother? “If the heart wasn't so strong...” No matter what or how, one way or another, EVERY person dies at some point. So, I go in, have them hack out a bit of lung and “YAY! CURED! No more cancer!” Trah-lah-fucking-lah. 6 months or 6 years later... liver, kidney, colon, prostrate, spleen, pancreas, what-ever... something else goes. What's the sense? One of these days, I'll be gurgling as I breathe and go from drowning in my own fluids... It'll be uncomfortable, but any-thing other than massive coronary or decapitated in some manner or fashion will be “uncomfortable” to a point. THIS is what I've been dealt... let'er roll. - So much for that point of the day. Now... There's a service at 8.45, another at 13.00 on-line, “Park Ave. Synagogue”. And there's the NYSEG bill that needs explaining, but that's not for this morning. All can wait until tomorrow. Meanwhile, the house is clean, in order. There's really nothing that MUST be attended today... So... we'll occupy time, ponder the past... iniquities, injustices, both mine and others' and have a look round the place and remember:
I've been to Israel,
I've lived in NYC,
I've lived in the Shongum mountains,
I've lived at the Atlantic shore,
I've lived in Montréal,
I've resided in Vermont,
I've resided in a Shelter for the Homeless in NYC,
I've resided in a 1973 VW “Beetle”,
I've been “married”, after a fashion, to some “popular” people,
I've been loved by some very amazing people,
I've been in love with some very amazing people,<
I've been sincerely thanked by many for my presence and my assistance,
I've built and created, from writing through painting and more,
In 1974, as I drove North-bound along the “Northway”, through the Adirondack mountains, marvelling, in awe, at their majesty and wilderness, in day-light and darkest night, under brilliant sun, through heaviest rains and mid-night blizzards, I amused and entertained my lonely little self with the chance of, one day, “as I laid me down to sleep”, of living in “a little place” some-where amongst their vastness and relative rawness...
and today, this morning, as I type along this text, I glance up and out the double window before me, and even the grey, Autumnal sky and the rain-drenched air are tinted with a brilliant golden-yellow as the leaves changed from lush, Summer green to red, bronze, copper, yellow and I recall that, not so very long ago, as I gleaned the aerial scan of the region, my eye caught the words “New Russia” and I thought:
How charmingly quirky. What an odd little name. How fun to have that as the “home address”. Ah... but never...
46 years passed those solo drives... Albany to Montréal... I can still hear the engine of that little, navy blue VW, hear the static on the AM radio as I rolled along from Newcomb to Lewis, out of reach from transmissions... and the world... and then, as the static cleared... “1570... dah-dah-dee-dah... Montréal” and the broadcasts changed, from English to French. And on rainy journeys, right hand on the steering-wheel, left hand clutching a wadded cloth, pressed up against the corner of the ceiling of the car, absorbing the rivulet of water as it trickled through the leak in the roll-away “sun-roof”. On clear days, windows rolled-down and the fresh air blasting into and around the little car. And this morning, as clearly as it was at the very moment, the night drive from Plattsburgh to Albany... surrounded by the deepest darkness, and the head-lights reflecting off the still-falling snow, across a plain directly ahead, Nick's steady breathing from the passenger's side of the little vehicle... we were the only 2 people on the Northway that night... and he was the only other person in the world... to me. 46 years later... I remember... “in a little place, some-where amongst the vastness and relative rawness...”, as Alden said when we last spoke, many months ago: “You're livin' the dream!” Indeed, indeed, I am, yes, indeed.
Have I been the “perfect person”? What, exactly is the “perfect person”? Flawed, rife with imperfections, short-comings, misgivings, misadventures. But I've never, to the very best of my recollection, intentionally injured another being or thing, save, perhaps, in moments of ignorant “humanity”. Yes, I regret those incidents (tearing a defenceless snake in 2... how un-Godly disgusting, repulsive!). I can recall some of those actions... from a time when I was truly tortured, horrifically and horrendously. I was, for most of that period, “out of my mind”, as it's often described. The pain I still hold in my heart and soul attest to the love and compassion I'm still capable of experiencing and possessing. I suppose I have been and still am, the “perfect” human: miserably flawed, completely imperfect. But, in retrospect and introspect, apparently, my “goodness” has out-weighed any “evil”... I've been, as it's called... “blessed”. Here, indeed and in fact, I am...
Old, passed my most useful years, drifting out-ward and away, “in a little place in the Adirondacks”... “home... to die”... as, for 45 years I'd wished so to do. It ain't been a “luxury cruise” through this life-time, but I'll be damned if it hasn't been some incredible glory... and ended-up... here we are.
8.58 The morning's rolled by so relatively quickly. The rains have subsided and the common course of a Monday is about to commence. I've been so lost in all this reverie. But then, isn't that what this day of “atonement”... “at one ment” is all about? Yes, I suppose it is. So... coffee's to be finished, my chest is a bit better, there are candles lit about the house (because I'm smoking in today). Time to check the Park Ave Synagogue and have at the rest of this day. - 20.45 OK. So meal was half a pizza and the rest of the ice cream and that was enough. - The day passed and I took a 90-minute snooze and felt better for it. It seemed part of the Northway was closed (?) because there was some heavy truck traffic for a while. And other than that? Well... I'm tired again and will be heading for bed now. Tomorrow, I'm thinking, tonight, I'll go to the dump. It's supposed to rain but... Oh... and I DID order the “Flex Tape” for the truck so when that arrives, I can do a proper washing, rust-thingie and tape. Hopefully weather will co-operate (but I won't count on it). - Time for bed. Tomorrow is... tomorrow will be... if tomorrow will be at all. - 21.35 Checked today's post: ANOTHER Medicare book (for 2021). My chest tightened. It'll never stop. But... there it is and so the day is done and I'll brush my teeth and go to bed... again... - Yom Kippur has come and gone and I managed to be “fairly good” until 17.00 (I find I MUST eat by then or “things go wrong”... “God” understands.) The “New Year” is “officially” commenced now and... it's time for a nap.

Tue.29.Sep: 6.42 Up, dressed, even with the little Goodwill loggers this morn. Had first coffee, second is at hand, and just in from the front porch smoke and marvelling at the almost fluorescence of the reds in the leaves (and the diminishing number of said leaves on the tree in the front yard of the “Chris'n'Meghan's”... these rains and breezes are wasting no time in bringing the black'n'white of Winter). There's a low, grey ceiling above and it's moving at a noticeable velocity, up from the South-west. Rain was in the forecast for most of the day today and I'll just have to see what comes and when. - Odd... Lights were out by about 22.00 and I was up at about 4.00 but stayed the course and went back to sleep until about 5.00 at which time I took a snooze and at 6.00, it was time to get up. Why? I've no idea. I had an alarm set for 8.00 but... here I am any-way. Oddest is that, whilst laying in the bed, pondering the day ahead, I feel quite fine and well and all. BUT... I get out of bed, stand and begin to move about and there's a “burning” sort of sensation in the upper, back pallet, a “taste” of some sort of metal or blood, the chest tightens and the whole “Not well” thing commences. Stay in bed, feel fine. Get out of bed, feel like shit. Oh well... As I keep reminding: I DID say, whilst o'er yon lake, that I was to come home to die... Well? One of these days, I've no doubt, I'll try to get out of the bed and won't be able so to do. And there I'll lay, until the fluids of my own being fill my lungs sufficiently so as to take me out by drowning (or... the cancer there-in, replaces all the proper functioning of my lungs with useless matter and I just simply suffocate). I KNOW, either way or any way, it's not going to be peaceful and painless. But it will be. And that's just fine. (As the thought passed this morn on the porch: I won't be “cold” THIS Winter.) - And speaking of which (or not), this morning I've GOT to ring the electric company and investigate the 100$ JUMP from last year's bill to this. Just so that I understand before being forced to pay it. And then, should weather permit, it's off to the dump at 15.00 and the aggravation of the “recycling”. There's s shit-load of plastics that I'm seriously considering just throwing into a bag and dumping. But we shall see. Perhaps I'll toss them into a bag, check to see what's what, bring an extra sticker (or use the dollar in the truck to get another) and just dispose of them as such. How stupid... but then, typical, to almost demand that things be “recycled” and then make such a fuss about what is and what isn't. People, humanity... this old world... such fuckerie. Oh well... it isn't that a long a stay... - Loo time! - 10.41 WELL! A call to NYSEG and come to find out, I REALLY OVER-read the meter! SO... the VERY sweet and kind young woman (whose name dropped, thanks to SKYPE and a shitty connection) actually RE-calculated the bill for me and that jump of 1101kwh has been corrected by about 1000kwh LESS! They're RE-billiing! (Humourously, I went out to get another reading for her as Peter D. was out-side the pee-oh chatting with Ms. Suze... nobody spoke. YAY! I'm not in the mood to “chat” with ANY-body around here these days... Part of my “separation mode of thought” these days.) SO.. Thursday will be “Bill-Pay” and we'll see how much I can toss away. I figure: May as well pay the bills, keep them current because, at the rate things are going... it won't be for much longer. And I'm pleased with that. (It's delightful, really... As Mum said: I don't worry about bills, interest rates, “roll-overs”, CDs, and all the rest. Take every moment as it comes and goes. It's comforting, to be sure.) - And now? On with the rest of this day and the little “projects” on the list. - 16.22 THE KITCHEN GARDEN IS NOW “RAISED”, THE FENCING FOR BOTH GARDENS IS IN THE GARAGE. *** AND *** THE NEW “FAMDOLL” PLANT TABLE IS DONE AND IN THE PEE-OH WINDOW... AND YE OLDE PLANT TABLE IS IN THE SOUTHERN WINDOW! AND I'VE JUST COMPLETED THE CLEAN-UP... HOOVERING AND “CLOROX-MOPPING” THE KITCHEN FLOOR AGAIN!!! AND IT ALL BEGAN AT JUST SHORTLY AFTER 11.00!!! I had NO intention of working on that plant table, but, after the fences were down, I brought the old boards from behind the garage to the kitchen garden and put them in place. It was curiosity that brought me back to the garage after bringing the fences in, to measure the wood and count what I'd need. Well... 2 old boards and a 2x4 were perfect... so I thought “Oh, I'll just cut the pieces today and put them aside for another day... perhaps tomorrow. Ah-HAH! The pieces got cut and so, out came the drill and the screws and... drill-drill, screw-screw and Bob's your uncle, the table was complete... AND QUITE STURDY, I must to say! Since it was done, of course it had to be placed... and so, the “new” table went to the darker window, since it's a lighter colour, the old table got moved to the brighter window and the house-plants are by the futon and the herbs and geraniums are at the other window. Well then, of course then, clean-up... at 16.00. Can't leave the house a mess? Nope. So 'twill be pasta for meal and if I've any energy left, I'll run into the market for dessert (ice cream?) and more juice (a must in this house-hold... vit.C and kidneys and such). But... - The NYSEG bill is being re-calced... approximately 1000kwh less (or so... but ANY “less” is better than none). THAT was an accomplishment in and of itself today. The gardens and the table? WOW! - And yes, indeed, of course, and certainly... my chest is feeling the “burn”... there's a “lump” in there that runs up the throat at the moment. But the blood is circulating, the heart is beating and so... I suppose it was all for the best (or better or not or what-ever or fukkit). - 16.31 Time for nourishment! Quite the day. Eh? Eh! - 19.46 From 18.05 until about 19.40... THE MOST WONDERFUL CHATTING WITH EV! “Reminiscing”, as she said, talking about The City, Queens, the neighbourhoods, the changes, salaries, rents, when she and Moe first married, the rents then compared to now, friends of hers on 65th and 2nd paying $10,000/month RENT... Moe's surgeries, my part in his recovery back then... and that it's been almost 10 years since I was in The City. And hour and a half and the conversation never halted. It was STUPENDOUS! (Now I want to get into the truck and drive down to see her but I wouldn't dare because, well... I'm sure some-body would object... with this “covid” shit and all.) And she says that her “excitement” now is sweeping leaves from the deck, she doesn't plan ahead, but because she's got grands, and great-grands and another on the way, she, un-like me, looks forward to another day. But, we both agree, we do what we can with the time we have. It was up-lifting, we laughed, I almost cried when she told me that Beth's kids are in their 30s already... it doesn't seem possible. But all said, HOW WONDERFUL! WHAT A BEAUTIFUL WAY TO BEGIN A NEW YEAR... - I rang Dorothy... left a message. Tried Donna... line occupied. And so I'm having a v-ton. Of course, meal (pasta, olive oil, butter, garlic and LOTS of it... followed by those “Duplex” cookies I'd gotten at FamDoll) was done by 18.00. So? So... - The living-room is AMAZING tonight. With the moving of the darker table and the addition of the lighter, it's no longer a massive, empty space. It does, how-ever, need a chair or 2... Oh well. One of these days... mayhaps. But for now, to think, when I moved in here just 14 months ago, I had NOTHING... no table, chair... and just a mattress on the floor. 14 months later... kitchen table, 4 chairs, actual bed, a “droring table”... a futon with a little table... AMAZING SHIT! (The place will look nice when they collect my carcass.) AND A TRUCK IN THE DRIVE WITH 3/4 TANK OF GAS IN IT... INSURED, REGISTERED, INSPECTED... LEGAL! (Which reminds me: it's not due until 02 Nov. but GEICO sent the e-mail/bill for the insurance... 170$... this evening! Thankfully... not due until 02 Nov.) - Any-way, here I sit, doors open, the night is dark already and calm, v-ton at hand, in the silence that is here, in a place where the rent is paid and the place actually looks like “home”... and I suppose it is... until... It's been a LOOOOOOONG, HARD JOURNEY TO GET HERE! And a LOT of obstacles along the way. But tonight? It's well... all is well. Happy New Year, kid. YOU MADE IT! - 23.44 Watched some of tonight's “President Debate”... what shit. Got into some Twtr posts. Some fun. Now... the rains that are supposed to continue through the night are falling and I need a shower. A v-ton and a half. I'm tired. It's been quite the day.

Wed.30.Sep: 18.57 and I'm about ready to get ready for bed again! I didn't get up and out of bed until about 9.00 this morning, after a night of about 4 episodes of “contractions”... 3 in the feet, 2 with the calves, and one in the thigh... all on the right side... oddly, the same side as the “lung issue” (so I'm just thinking). The last one was at about 3.00 and since I slept rather well-enough after that one, I suppose I got my “6 hours” of “sleep”. And so, it was drizzling when I got up, but the day cleared. First thing this morning, washed a shirt and some whites, put them on the rack, Got annoyed with that Becky-thing and her shrieking in the pee-oh and then watching her tear-ass round the drive way. There really is no doubt about it... the qunt is an intentional pain. But... one of these days... to be sure. She'll get her “just desserts”, whether I'm around or not. - Moved on to levelling the shelving in the bed-room with scraps of wood and the cardboard tubes. I wanted to so something with the little “shelf” the boots are on but never did find any sort of thing for that. So I moved on to taking the hummie feeders in and washing the out. Ah... *** NOTE *** BY 11.00, I HAD NO HOT WATER!!! So I went to the cellar to check the heater... IT WAS BLASTING! FUCKING SUZE HAD BEEN HOOVERING IN THE PEE-OH AND I SUSPECT THAT'S WHERE MY HOT WATER WENT! IMAGINE? ALMOST 30 GALLONS OF WATER... PISSED AWAY! I'M QUITE LIVID AT THIS POINT, AND SADLY, THERE'S NO SHUT-OFF ON THE PLUMBING BECAUSE TODAY, I WOULD HAVE CUT IT! 19.25 As I was typing, I remembered that I'd opened the cellar door this morning when I went to check the water heater and, it seems the shower is shifting a bit in the loo, so going to close the cellar up (since the cooler weather is moving in... and VISIBLY, in the velocity of the cloud movement in the sky tonight), so I checked to see what's going on with the flooring down there. All appears to be solid and patent (as much as is possible in this old place). Some-what re-assuring(?). It never ceases to amaze, to a point: I just drop down into that old cellar, tonight, with Mag torch of course, stroll over, turn on the light and go exploring. Once upon a time, I'd more than likely have all sorts of jitters, but, in my “old age”, I just don't seem to give a shit any more. Well... all's fine... for a while more any-way. I have to admit, in the past couple of weeks, the shower's been used frequently... what, with the work at FamDoll and all. Any-way... it doesn't appear to present any threat of falling through... for now. - So, as for the rest of the day, short as it was, some-how, the chore of the shelving moved to the kitchen and I attacked all the empty plastic juice containers. I was going to go to the dump yesterday, but didn't, so tomorrow, I shall make every best effort to do so. There'll be 2 bags this trip, one of mostly plastic bottles... there were about 7 juice bottles, the laundry detergent bottle too. All “flattened”. It's too fucking involved, the plastic they will and won't “accept” so I'll just toss it all into the trash... I hope. I'll have to get more singles for more stickers too, eventually. I believe I've got 5 or 6 now so, no rush. (I'll probably die before I use them all... tee-hee.) AND, I discovered that a mouse has been nibbling at the bird seed I had on the shelf over the “dryer rack”! AND... TO MY AMAZEMENT... I HAVE 2 LITTLE “VOTIVE” CANDLES THAT ARE RE-MAKES FROM OTHER CANDLES ROUND THE HOUSE... “SOY” WAX, OF COURSE... AND THE MICE HAVE BEEN EATING THAT! AT THIS JUNCTURE, IT'S PISSING ME OFF A BIT. But I can't think of what to do to keep them out of the house, short of cans of that “foamy insulation” shit all round. (Oh, and I noticed, on this evening's sojourn in the cellar, that the foundation has a lot of quite large spaces between the stones. Goodness me! Repairs? Not likely. Not in my present state of physical condition.) - So the “chores” ended at about 15.30 when I had a lie-down on the futon and at 16.30... pasta, again, for “meal” and cookies after, with a watching of the news... followed by a bit of Twtr and the realisation that I hadn't don't any entry on this journal! - It's 19.37 and Mr. Julius is quite active next-door... He's just done a wash and as is typical of “country folk”, walking about quite heavy-footed. I'll never understand where they get that from. Oh well... I'm tired now but it truly is “early in the evening” so I can't be annoyed... logically. - And to note here: it's been a “heavy” sort of day, lung-wise. I was a bit “concerned” when I had my lie-down. Strangely, I'm separating from all these things of late... the house, the plants, the stuff. It's as if my mind is coming to terms with the ultimate destination of all things and I keep thinking about my life and how, in spite of so much, I truly HAVE had an interesting little gig... being beaten so often, the over-dose of “Bufferin”, the sleeping in the VW on Drury Lane... the late-night/early morning forays to A&P back parking lot to “lift” containers of cottage cheese, coffee with Joe Corkedale (and the name-change)... driving round and round and then out to Drury Lane, pulling into the woods, the empty lots where houses used to be. And that one night when, for some reason, I decided to go out to Orange Lake and into that corn-field and woke the next morning to a trip to the jail in Goshen. Moving to Albany (and back again). Frank, Jeff's Place, Kingston... the farm house in Pleasant Valley and the cold nights, the fire place, the dog, Bill and Allen... Goodness me! Onkel Gottfried and Tante Irma's place and being told “Onkel and I have become accustomed to living alone” and I was back to living in the car until the place on 232nd... Asking Gene for 120 to help with the rent and him literally throwing a 20 on the coffee table at Oma's and saying “If you ever need anything more, just ask.” When I think about it now, that was the beginning of my actual “independence” and the ties with relatives severed. It was “the point”, the last incident. I learnt, that evening, to NEVER think that relatives are “family” and that NONE of them were ever to be trusted. And WOW, did sister and Joe ever drive THAT white-hot stake right through! All the places I resided in and at. (Ah... Cindy Squilace... Highland National Bank... Monroe... lifting embroidery threads at Lloyd's...) And going to the bars to find some-body to “go home with”... with a little bit of hope that it would become a “relationship”... and Steve was the only one, really... and Frank too, but the rest never really did work out that way. But there were those nights when it was nice to wake the next morning... NOT in the back of a car or the likes. Yeah... life's been... and I've done it. Does ANY of it make any difference at all to the world? Of course not. Do any of my joys, elations, sadnesses, sorrows, pains make ANY difference to the world? Of course they don't. But it's what people do: be born, fuck around for some time and then die. At the rate things are going for me lately... I'm approaching the “finale”. Today I thought: Joan died on 4 January... Winter. I wonder if this Winter is my turn. My regret? That the little house-plants, the orange tree, the avocado... they'll be dumped, I've no doubt. Little “Lifes”, as they are, discarded... pretty much like people are discarded. I caught my-self wondering why people have this “fear” of death... and of “what comes after”, as if there's any-thing that “comes after”. And all the while, as has been all the while, I think of the animals in the woods, like the deer that eat at the apple tree across the road at night... and their little ones... in the bitter cold of Winter... Many of them die, frozen or starved to death. Then too, the little creatures on the road-sides or in the road, run-down by motor vehicles. “Life after” for them? Most people don't seem to believe so. And Hallie, Mimou... Nakiia, Noel, Schnitzel, Sameach... “Life after” for them? Joan died... New Russia went on. It's what happens. Moe Greenberg died and Ev and I just talked yesterday evening. Even as she said: Time moves on. We make change, have an effect only for as long as we're present. After? Nothing makes any difference and the world continues along. Last evening Ev said “May you have many years of living your dream”. I'm just beginning the second... But I keep thinking, over and over: “I want to go home to die.” Well? Here I am... “home”. Half the task is complete. - On that note, time (20.00 on the mark) to try to stay up for another hour at least and then off to bed. Nothing on the agenda for the morning tomorrow... Dump at 14.30. It's October already again tomorrow... oddly, the trees on the mountains have gone from green to reds and yellows to browns already. The cold is coming. (The tank in the cellar is just about full though.) - My chest feels as if it's loaded with stones, there's the oddest “taste”, of “metal” in my mouth, all the time. I cough-up white or a slightly tinted bit of pale green but nothing copious and nothing “blood-tinged”. No telling WHAT, exactly is going on in there but I can't see the sense in going and having shit cut out... it only postpones the ultimately inevitable... and as I've said... I've done my time. - Now, to wind the day down... I'll have a hot water... and tomorrow? If I have one... will attend to itself as it will. - 22.44 Last smoke and to bed. Well! I DID manage to stay awake until “later”. But this is a touch perhaps too late? - Low to 13° tonight... but there's a 5° coming... Saturday, I believe. Oh well... - Checked the VT account and all's well. The NY account too. Just waiting to see what the charges will be for NYSEG. Tomorrow... BILL-PAYING! - For now... another day has passed... and oddly... my chest is feeling better... let's hope... AND let's hope for a night of SLEEP! (I'm going to take a Naproxen tonight.)