August 2017

Tuesday 1.August.2017:
AUGUST 2107

FUCK
9.50 Up at 6.30 for un-known reasons. Sun. Coffee. Shit. Smoke. Fed Hallie. Dress. Feed Kitty. And get on with being fucking fed-the-fuck up. No Mme. Her new work schedule commences. I’ll have no more peaceful, clean Saturdays any longer. – McCuin guys came at about 9.20 to remove the old furnace. – There’s more work to be done at the benches but doing it is doubtful. Unless I can get the cart tolling. – 10.15 and McCuin just left. And last night’s “egg nog” just BOLTED! WATER TROTS. It’s “August”. – The one guy came up from the basement to tell of a “leak” down there. “Leak?” HOLE in the foundation! North-East corner. The water comes in so strong and brings soil in. “You might be lookn’ at a sink-hole.” says the fellow. Yes, indeed! Me? I’m saying nothing on the matter. Based on history here. anything I say won’t be given credibility anyway so… I’ll take photos and let Nature do what Nature will. Hydrolic cement would give it a few more years. I built a lasting stone wall in the Bainbridge Garden. I COULD do a great job on this. BUT it wouldn’t be appreciated; I’d be “fortunate” to have 100$ tossed at me for the work, if anything. McCuin will be back on Friday. Mme. will (maybe) be here. let THEM tell her and let her pay over 1000$ to her cronies. As I told her “She’s lost a friend.” She’ll piss away money to the RNC (50$ a pop), 5, 10, 25$ to her religious shit. Oh well. So be it. – 22.20 And a “did nothing” day is done. Although “Woodhauler” is current again and THAT took the entire day! It was about 16.00 when I finally logged-out of it! Just over 100 photos! 2 “posts”. Done for a while. – That reply from NY? NO WAY! The old woman’s house is a garbage dump! The kitchen alone! Garbage on the floor, piled up to and on the kitchen sink! No walk space in the living-room. House is falling apart. Uninsurable. And she’s one of “those anti-smokers”. She called my smoking a “deal-breaker”. If I quit, she’d consider. I was kind and made it clear… No thank you! All that garbage and yet she can send photos? HELL NO! But there’s another reply. 31 year old, Nurse grad. Tatyana. Ticonderoga. I replied. We shall see. – Meanwhile, still have that tooth-ache. Oil-pulled during the day. but I had 4 andouille and Ramen for dinner. – Haven’t touched the Twisted Teas. No desire. – Will try the cart tomorrow. If it runs, more gravel. If not? Oh well. – Rain in forecast for Friday… lawns day. I’m surprisingly not even concerned. – It was quite silent up-stairs all day. the Twats are “stirring” now though. Trash. – Quick soc.med. and sleep. – No “report” to Mme. tonight. I consider it a “courtesy” and my “courtesies” are gone. (100$ “for all your work on selling the canoe.” Fuck you, qunt.)

Wed.2.Aug: 9.06 Wash going. Dog and cat fed. Garbage out. Second coffee. I was up at about 6.30. – Tooth-ache and neither ambition nor desire to “do” a damned thing. – At about 8.00, message from Mme. “Hope all is well…” It’s because I didn’t send a “report” last night. Dear Mme.: fuck off. Cordially, etc. – Agenda? Try the cart. If it runs, more gravel. If not… what-ever. – Wrapping the day (on Thursday morning). At about 9.30, Bert came in the phone co. truck, got up into the maple out back and by 10.30 or so, I picked-up the limbs and stacked them. Sent photos to Mme. and THAT WAS THE END of ALL “work” for and by me. Made a wash. Late shower… well… 22.15 because rain killed the TV. – Lights out by mid-night. – It was hot and humid all day and I’m no longer in a mood to “do” anything, so long as the “massah” ain’t roun’da hise. work will help keep me silent when silence is so desperately necessary.

Thu.3.Aug: 10.14 Second coffee. Dog and cat fed. Floors are Hoovered. the end of that. No “cleaning” this week. – Got my TSP balance. Still compounding but only back “up” to 311! Fuck. Banque too. At 253. that Walmart transaction for a phone case, on Saturday, blocked my card but it was only moments on the phone and all’s well again. – Funny shit du jour: the work on the benches out front isn’t done AND I don’t give a fuck. image. It truly doesn’t phase me at all. – Meanwhile, forecast today, index of about 40. Look like more rain is due. Oh well. Hopefully tomorrow will be kind and I can mow lawns… with my music, and be at a bit of “peace”. – For now? Fukkit. And that’s that. – I DO swish I could get in touch with Dennis. His “home” phone says he’s “not available: and mobile is voice-mail… for months! – Oh my! Just remembered: New furnace to be installed tomorrow. Yep. I NEED to be “busy” and “away”. – (On Friday 21.59) Took it easy in the morning, but when Mme. arrived, went directly to WORK on gravel for the fucking benches this evening. The cart stalled in front of Coopers on the way to 172 and she saw! Strolled down, and as I discussed having to push it back she offered use of the truck! I grabbed the opportunity! TWO TRIPS AND 14 BUCKETS OF GRAVEL! ALMOST HALF DONE! AND MY BACK IS SHOT TO FUCKING HELL! AND I CAN TELL SHE’S NOT PLEASED ABOUT THE PROJECT AND I DON’T GIVE A FUCK. 2 naproxyn, Twisted Tea. bed by 21.00.

Fri.4.Aug: 23.08 WORK ON BENCHES IS ONE! I woke at 6.00 and up by 8.00. 7 buckets and a black watering tub in the truck and off to 172. Tired. A bit nauseated. Touch of the trots but at it anyway. more die to determination to be away and busy with something. Well, the tub held equivalent of 3 buckets, so 10 buckets and 30 minutes later, I was dumping gravel. but about 10.30 the benches were back. By 11.00 I was on the mower at 5199 taking my time in the HEAT! 13.00 and off to mow 172 (with my music), taking my sweetest time. Did a really nice job today… no fucking tree limbs (thanks to me). By 17.00 the day’s work was done! But I hosed the benches gravel to remove soil, etc. and it looks wonderful! I’m impressed. Apparently, so too, Kim (phone co.) who commented to Mme. (Town’s folk no think I removed the benches to do the work. Retards. Like I give a shit.) – At 20.00, into a good shower and into the little room. Yes, I’m in pain but no-body knows. – EXTRA NOTES ON YESTERDAY: 5225 is for sale. 150k$ To move closer to Gordo’s folks in St. Johnsbury. (That’s what Bobo told Mme.) AND, as expected, another 100 tossed at me for lawn-mowing. NO fucking consideration for TWO lawns AND the tree-trimming. Of course. But at least the extra work keeps me away from general shit. – Tomorrow (Saturday) is supposed to be stormy. Nothing on my agenda and Mme. about all day. THIS should be fucking “interesting”.

Sat.5.Aug: DOROTHY’S BIRTHDAY
And Mme. was away most of it so… I got away with doing NOTHING! (Noted on Monday at 22.24) Orders noted Monday.

Mon.7.Aug: 22.25 Up at 5.30. Out in the truck at 9.30. Walmart to return useless crochet thread (which I ordered on-line yesterday for kippot along with cover for phone). Got the door-closer for the porch, which I installed when Mme. went to work today. – TO CIBC to deposit 215US! Bought 4 packs of Belvedere. Back at almost noon. Tough shit. – From her hotel reimbursement in Philly that I got her (90$) Mme. Gave be 40. 20 to “Twisted Teas” tonight. Have had 5. – And started cutting down maple limbs. – As I write, the Twats commence their stomping. – Raining. – AND got NRA member ship… my birthday gift to me! – Another fucking day in the shit-hole. – 22.33 Twats malinger out-side my window. No sense discussing it. Mme. Suck-arse is useless.

Tue.8.Aug: (On Wed.) I didn’t do fukkall today. pain in left hip. Another pitch-dark BM relived it, some-what. Connection? So I snoozed a lot. – Did get some folder of papers together. Another demand for money from VT Chomage. Retards. – Showered tonight. – Stomping… Twat-stomping 21-22.30. I’ll say nothing. Let the place be destroyed. It’s deserved.

Wed.9.Aug: 11.04 OMA GEBURTSTAG
I’ll bet nobody else is thinking of this today. – Dog and cat fed. Garbage out. The house is filthy. I just don’t care. – Rain due. Friday too. – And as I jot, Twat-stomp commences. – Phone case and crochet threat on their way. looking forward to NRA card. – Ready for another snooze. I wonder why I keep waking up every morning. – 22.50 And yet another day of fukkall, save the re-port of “ADK” with 5 pictures of “Before and After” of barn and gardens and benches. And again, sleep for about an hour 45 minutes. The fatigue is murder! – Showered. All clothes and bedding are clean. – Another night of Twat-stomping, 17-22.00. And tonight at 22.00 the trash-in-residence over the post office SCREAMING! Children in this town are so terribly in-bred they’re like in-bred dogs: brain-dad and neurotic. – I wish I could get Kitty to come into the house. the nights are getting chilly… and my heart goes to Dennis.

Thu.10.Aug: (at 21.20 Friday) Highlights of an other-wise un-productive day” Cleaned-up/weeded flower beds, lilies out front, the blackberries and raspberries. – THE COVER/CASE FOR THE PHONE ARRIVED! I’m happy with it. – Mme. rolled in at about 15 or 16.00. Didn’t bother to get gas for tomorrow’s lawn-mowing in spite of having the can in the truck. BUT bought potting soil, mulch and another lily! I’m touching none of it! – She went to a dinner (18.00) at church. – I was in bed by 20.00

Fri.11.Aug: 21.32 Woke at 5.00 to rain which lasted only some moments. Went back to sleep at about 6.00. Woke from a truly vivid, painful, HORRID DREAM!
I was looking at the black, charred remains of a seriously burned structure of some kind. Darkness all around me, and in the dream I knew that I was asleep and had to wake… to this house, this place and I didn’t want to. THE PAIN OF HATE AND TERROR of not wanting to be awake has HORRIFIC! But something in my body SHOVED me out of sleep and I woke, actually debilitated. But heard Mme. leave at about 9.15… for almost the entire fucking day! –
I go 5199 mowed today. It was a “brutal” job. Quick. Somethings got mowed down: hollyhocks, a fence post. I don’t give a shit anymore. The potting soil and mulch bags laying on the front lawn. I mowed around them. Qunt obviously expects me to plant the lily. NOPE! Fuck this abuse. The shit stays where it is. – By 14.00 I was showered. not enough gas to mow 172. And Qunt arrived… no gas. So? Instead of 15$ for gas, she’ll pay Curtis another 35$ to mow 5199. I’m now considering a ledger of work done compared to room. It’s “equity”. Stanhopes got 8 months rent-free at 800$/month. In court! I’ll do like-wise. I’m fed-up. – Didn’t eat last night. 2 Ramen for lunch today. A piece of salmon with rice tonight Mme.’s invite. this place is sickening me. – Fun on Twitter tonight though. – NO WORK TOMORROW and Mme. Q says she’ll be out again. No prob. Fukkitall! – Shabbat Shalom.

Sat.12.Aug: (On Sunday 2.18) By about 11.30 Shabbat commenced. She left… for a wedding. I got up at about 8.00 and was greeted with “What do you know about kitchen faucets?” The tap had come off. “Nothing.” “They have some very nice faucets at Costco…” Good. You’ll need a plumber too. not what she wanted to hear. Too bad. Oddly though, during the day, I figured it out,. Simple, really. A twist of the faucet, tighten the base. SAVED HER THE COST OF A NEW FAUCET AND ONE OF HER 1000$ CRONIES. When she came back at around 21.00, no notice. Typical. – I was in bed. She came to the porch door! “Anything happen during the day?” “Nothing worth mentioning.” “Has Hallie been out?” “20 minutes ago.” “OK. thank you.” Done. – IT WAS A FASCINATING DAY, POLITICALLY, HOWEVER QUITE THE “ALT-RIGHT” PROTEST IN CHARLOTTESVILLE VIRGINIA! THE TOWN WAS ABOUT TO REMOVE A STATUE OF ROBERT E. LEE! CONFEDERATE AND NAZI FLAGS! A CAR RAN OVER SOMEBODY. 3 PEOPLE KILLED. FOX NEWS PUT THE ONUS ON PRESIDENT TRUMP. I TOOK TO TWTR, ALL THROUGH THE DAY. WELL, AT LAST, THE “RIGHT” IS AWAKE! HOPEFULLY FOR THE DURATION. IT’S ABOUT TIME! “CIVIL WAR”? IT COULDN’T HURT. HISTORY IS BEING RE-WRITTEN. MORE LIES. YOUNG PEOPLE ARE WORTHLESS. THI SIS THE “DEATH RATTLE” OF AMERICA. THE LAST BELABOURED BREATHS OF A DYING WORLD. WE SHALL SEE. LIFE? OR DEATH.

Sun.13.Aug: 2.38 A dog barked. It sounded like Dixie. Tyres screeched. A thud. Silence. I JOLTED awake. A DREAM. But I’m awake. had my coffee, smoke. We’ll see if I stay awake of not. I doubt the old woman got gas so I can mow 172. As I told her yesterday: 15$ in gas is 4mowings OR 140$ if Curtis has to do it. I leave it at that. Daft old dolt. – (On Tuesday 9.52) WELL! The lawn at 172 finally got mowed, from about 13.30-16.00. Took longer because I cleaned the little “flower-bed” in front, pulled some weeds and took my damned sweet-asssed time, with music all the while (mostly “Numa Numa”, what a kick). And that, as they say, was that for the day. Hey! I enjoyed the time away, in peace. And THAT is ALL that’s of ANY importance. – Showered and into bed. – Oh, this morning I did go back to sleep… from about 5-8.00. Not good though. The break in sleep made for a difficult morning.

Mon.14.Aug (On Tuesday) (11.01) Today’s “events”… today’s “escape”): Swept the barn! Not a total over-haul, just enough to be “occupied” and out of the house. Odd, how time and life are repeating the “Margot Days” with “Time Away”. The garden and yard gates got repaired and mowers got cleaned-out too. – Before she left for BTV, Mme. actually planted her new lily out front! BUT WOW! She left a fucking filthy kitchen to be cleaned! I was at it until about 21.00! Hoover and washing done thought. – *NOTE: THE WOUND ON TH ELEFT SIDE OF KITTY’S FACE IS OWRSE!!! LARGER!!! AND HE DOESN’T SEEM TO BE ABLE TO EAT DRY FOOD!!! Mme. SAYS, IF I CAN GET HIM INTO A CARRIER, SHE’LL TAKE HIM TO THE VET. I WONDER: IS IT A BUG BITE? OR CANCER? (AND I HAVE TO LAUGH… IT IT’S BLOOD-BORNE, HE BIT AND SCRATCHED ME. HMMMMmmmm…. OH WELL. TICKET “OUT”. BLESS YOU, MR. KITTY.————————————
Oh, I found a nice bracket in the barn and moved the hummingbird feeder so now, Mme. can see it from her kitchen chair. (Not that she’ll notice.) – Weigh-in at tonight’s shower: 170. Yay! – In bed at mid-night.

Tue.15.Aug: 11.19 SLOW MORNING. Up at 8.30. Nothing “pressing”. – Crochet threads arrived yesterday. A little something “creative” can be done. Other-wise, “work” will wait until Thursday and Friday… “Escape” and “Time Away”. Meanwhile, 40% chance of storms. Fine by me. – (Wednesday,16, 12.21) HORRIBLE rest of the day over-all. Kitty’s wound got to me to the point where, had I a gun, I wouldn’t be writing this now. Truly. And never before to truly. – Got about 8 rounds done on a new kippah. My eyes and hands are really quite shot. Slow. Tedious. But. – Sent 2 photos of Kitty to Mme. She “half-looked” as usual, but said she’ll take Kitty to the vet on Thursday if I can get him into the carrier. I posted photos and request for help, info and such on Twtr and FB. Found a site called “Pawbly” and posted there too. – Had 2 Twisted Teas tonight. One with a shot of rye, the other, vodka. It helped relieve my pain a touch. As I pointed-out to Mme. 3 chickens buried here. One, ripped apart. One, decapitated. now seeing Kitty. It’s gotten to “over-load” for me. (And, of course, SHE’S NEVER around for any of it. Fuck.) What a real shit-hole of cluster-fuck… this town, county, state. – At about mid-night, I finally got to a shower. bed at 1.00.

Wed.16.Aug:

Thu.17.Aug: 11.19 And the anxiety clamps my chest, make my head pound, my vision blurred. I’m feeling impotent, incompetent and so very worthless. – Hallie and Kitty are fed. Kitchen floor is mopped. Sky is over-cast. 64°F on thermometer and I’m chilly. out of bed at 8.00. – A message on phone for Mme. “Carol”. Something about 5.30(pm) Saturday. Ste. Anne’s Shrine. Music. Mass. Hallie swimming. “Let me know if Judah’s coming so I can bring enough food.” Charming. No, Judah won’t. – And another day… 22.11. WELL OF COURSE… NO MD FOR KITTY TODAY. EXCUSE? Mme. CLAIMS SHE SENT PHOTO TO VET. VER SAID IT’S AN ABSCESS. APPLY PEROXIDE. CAN’T SEE KITTY UNTIL NEXT WEEL. MAY KARMA COME ROUND SWIFTLY. – I cleaned the cage from the barn today and will try getting Kitty to the porch at least. Hopefully in house before truly cold nights set in. Need to make space in the little room or white room. – Got invited to Ste. Anne’s on Saturday. Declined. “Bringing shampoo for Hallie.” Oh yeah? More work for me? Fuck off! – Mme. penciled note of rent increase for the Twats. 1000 up from 800. I know it won’t get to them. Gutless wonder, that one. – Tomorrow’s forecast is rain. please let them be wrong! I did mow the immediate back here though with the White today. – Showered. In bed.

Fri.18.Aug: 22.50 Well. The lawns got mowed 13-18.00. The guy next to 172 THANKED ME! – This evening, Pam and and Dave came by. Complimented me on the up-keep of the place. – Later, Bobo and Gordo came by. Said not a word to me. Good. I went out to close the garden gate until they left. Merely hearing their voices makes me sick. They’ve bought a house in Peacham, by St. Johnsbury. – Steak dinner. It isn’t agreeing with me tonight. – Showered. Nice. – Oh, today Kitty let Mme. scratch his head! She saw the wound. Qunt is now pulling shit about taking him to the vet. “Attachment”. (“Responsibility”) and shots. – I mentioned to Dickie, her attachment to “abusers” “She’s always done that.” – MY WORKBOOTS HAVE HOLES IN THEM FUCK ME!

Sat.19.Aug: 20.30 NEW WORK-BOOTS – 45$ Walmart. – Mme. and Hallie have been out since about 17.00. She left beans baking in the oven. Never said anything about them so I’m not bothering with them. – We went to Costco today. 130,70FS 100,72 her shopping. I have 33 to my name now. Well, at least I’ve proof that I’m not the one taking advantage and the scales are most certainly WAY off balance… my favour. She did get me a carton of smokes though. – Then to Walmart where she dropped me at the entrance and I got my boots and a pair of 3,00 Readers. my last 60US cash. She didn’t even offer to pitch in. Yeah. She’s psychotic (or, as Dickie put it: French.) – I tried to get her a Google Voice number again. told her to text me the authorisation code when it got to her phone… at 17.30. Nope. So? I’m at the end of it. We can’t force others to accept help. Fuck it all… really. – She’s just getting in as I write. – Anyway, all I want is out of and away from here. Hallie and Kitty will have it toughest. But as Ev said “You’ve spent your life doing what’s good for others. it’s time to do what’s good for you.” Amen.

FOR Sunday 20 Aug on Monday 14.59 To get right to it, Mme. left for church rather early this morning. The town’s “last brunch” of the year. So I lazed about most of the day. Did get my clothes washed though. She came back at about 14.00 or so and I got “busy”. ACCOMPLISHMENTS: WELL! I got one of the other 2 tractors in the barn up and running! Swapped it out for the cart AND transplanted 5 marigolds from the 5199 back yard to the front of 172 AND brought back 2 buckets of gravel to add to the benches at 5199 since Philthy Phil scuffed what I’d already put down. AND one of the gals who work over a “the home” where Phil resides told me that he’s a “difficult” case for them! So, whilst the town plays “Poor old man”, I know better. – I’d brought an extension cord out and set up the vacuum to help clean Mme.’s truck and to my absolute amazement… SHE DID THE WORK! BUT… she moved the truck for some reason and … BACKED RIGHT INTO THE PALLETS, GRILL, COMPOSTER AND GARBAGE CAN! SO…O…OH… I’m actually quite glad I’m not on her tomorrow’s road trip. Her driving is horrendous locally. Not being with her this trip is a blessing! Especially if SHE insisted on driving! – This evening, she fired-up the grill and under-cooked a burger and some veggies from the garden. And the day turned to night and by about 20.55 I was showered and in bed. – The End.

Mon.21.Aug: 15.18 Waiting, in peace, for today’s “eclipse”. Mme. was in the truck and out of the drive by 8.18 this morning. I’ve no idea why I didn’t just go back to sleep. She, apparently, thought I was asleep and left with-out a word. Oh well. Probably better. As for today? Hazy. Warm. Quiet… for the while. – Kitty’s wound is wet again and getting larger. – Just got a text from Mme. Appointment on Monday at 13.30. Yesterday I told her that if it gets much worse, I’ll take a shovel and put him out of misery. “If he’s not here when you get back, he’ll be buried… in 2 pieces.” –

Tue.22.Aug: Thankfully, Mme. laMarde is away. Sadly, the Twats still linger. So this, the 29th anniversary of Mama’s death (passing on to PEACE) was a day of doing absolutely nothing. Oh, there were the little “diversions” of Social Media and the likes. But no yard, garden or house work. – I can’t help but marvel over how, 29 YEARS later, the details of this night are still so clear in memory. I can still see the kitchen on Bay Shore and hear Joe’s pathetic voice over the phone: “I just thought you might like to know, Mom passed.” Yeah, at 10.30 this morning. And I’d put in my “3-11” shift at work and gotten back home when the “call to notify” came in. “I just thought you might like to know…” Fucking evil shits. But, as I posted to fesses-book today (let cousins see it and know): Some things in life should never be forgotten… nor forgiven. Rabbi Lewis once said: Be angry! Angry is good. But don’t be bitter. Fukdat. Bury me in my bitterness. When the “energy” that is “me” is discharged into Creation, that too will be dispersed. May it fund its way to its cause.

Wed.23.Aug: WHAT AN ATTACK! Round about 18.00, I was sitting on the recliner, watching a bit of TV, and truly suddenly, for NO reason or cause, I felt so light-headed! The entire world began spinning! A sudden “hot flash”, nausea, SWEAT! The only comparison: that “one shot of “over-proof” that pushes a “buzz” into “Dear God I Want To Die!” I got up from the recliner, thinking I was about to vomit, and almost collapsed onto the table in the dining room. Made it to the WC JUST before crumbling to the floor. Then, needed to pee, so I got to the toilet and MORE GUSHING SWEAT! And as I sat on the bowl, as suddenly as the event came… it went. The only remnant: A touch of general weakness. Hmmm… I wonder. My neck and upper left shoulder have been “stiff” for 2 days. Related? Glog in the arteries? Precursor to stroke? Well… what-ever. “Time” will tell. Worst of all things (I suppose): I’m at the point where I no longer give a shit if I drop dead in this God-forsaken shit-hole state. Death any-where is better than the next breath. I’ve actually reached the point of “I don’t care”. – HEY! BUT… MY “NRA” HAT ARRIVED TODAY! HAPPY B’DAY TO ME! Still no membership card. I’ve e-mail confirmation of membership though so… I’ll have to check my banque account for the payment. Patience. AND… FOOD STAMPS RENEWED ANOTHER YEAR! Not that I’ve appetite of late but… When Mme. and I went to Costco Saturday passed, it was a Stamps bill of 10 items, 2 of which were “mine”. 130,70 total. 140,32 to the house. 29,98 of my own “selfishness”: a 35-pack of Gatorade for when I mow HER 2 LAWNS, a package of andouille (which, if my appetite doesn’t return, will simply rot). ANYWAY… With good spirits to that, I took the Cecil-cart to 172 with 2 zinnias and 2 sun flowers to plant in the front of the house AND BROUGHT BACK 3 MORE BUCKETS OF GRAVEL for the benches in front of 5199. The total buckets: 38. Guesstimate weight: 3800lbs. (One of these days I’ll check. Weight of 1 shovel-full x 10 shovels per bucket.) – *I WORK HERE, PRIMARILY FOR ME. MY EFFORTS ARE NEVER APPRECIATED BY THOSE WHO ACTUALLY BENEFIT. But that’s not the point. I APPRECIATE THE RESULTS OF MY TOIL.*

Thu.24.Aug: 00.46 on Friday morning…
Kitty has bedding on porch.
Followed me into house!
Sat with me on back stoop!
He’s out for the night.
Mme claims concern.
Said leave porch door open for him. I have.
Mowed quite a bit of 5199 with White mower.
Mme. returned at about 22.00
Hoping for mowing weather all day Friday.
Quite chilly tonight (63F now).
No dinner. 1 ramen. Not hungry.
Showered. – Lights out.

Fri.25.Aug: Both lawns mowed & a bit more on the back of 172. (12-17.00)
*Kitty’s wound huge & red
*Mme actually SAW it this morn… feigns caring.
19h30 going to bed. Not bothering to shower.
No food all day. Not hungry. Feeling rather “light” & removed.
Mme. showed at 172 as I was finishing. Dave too. Dave complimented on both properties. She? Nope.
Inspection at 172: Water in basement. Porch needs painting. So too, window trims. (I said: put lipstick on the pig but again she doesn’t heed.) First words “I’ll call Rick.” Yep… PAY her cronies, fuck me. I suggested I’d do it but… I won’t. She can find the money for OTHERS BUT… Go to Hell.

Sat.26.Aug: 8.48 Chilly sunny morning. Not feeling well. Tired. Woke last night 22-24.00. Had 2 Ramen, dry. This morning, would like to go back to sleep. Expecting another “needy” day fm. the cow. – Kitty at the door of the barn. NOT looking fwd to the wound. – DREAM of Mme. paying Stanhope for something. It’s obvious: the “value” seen & placed on my labour… quite low… “entitlement”. – Shabbat… Fuck it. – 13.00 Catching up here, transcribing past Journal voice memos to text. – This morning at about 8.30, Mr. Kitty was at the barn. At 10.00 I brought him breakfast… he wasn’t in the barn. But this morning I was truly weak, from in general the past few days and from the violent anticipation of what his face would look like. It’s deeper, rounder, redder… he “cleans” it and pulls flesh! My own empathy strikes and I could drop from it. So not seeing was… a relief. I keep re-living my patient at Calvary… “Jim”? “James”? No face. Sterile dressing. Night-mare. Some things never leave the mind. If I ever contract Alzheimer’s, I suspect/expect THAT’S where I’ll end up: sterile dressings in Calvary. – Mme. voiced “Pam and Dave got a perfectly healthy stray! Why do *I* get stuck with one that needs care?!?” Yeah… “Christian”… Jesus-calling hypocrite qunt. Why, as he lay dying, did you scold Cecil “You’re leaving me alone in the house to freeze to death.” There are “truths” I know… – And so, jt’s been a “Shabbat” in the little room. I’m not in “top shape”, still rather weak, but continuing to breathe… alas. – 19.39 Kitty wasn’t in the barn at 10.00 & hasn’t been here all day. Sun is setting, night chill coming and I wonder: did he go away to die? Meanwhile, Mme. feigns some self-righteous annoyance. Makes me sick! – 21.48 Got out of eating dinner this evening. Yay. Had a tin of tuna with Ramen whilst Mme. was at church. Then a Twisted Tea as she ate. At about 21.00 took Ms. Hallie for a ‘moke and checked the barn. No Mr. Kitty. BUT he IS using the “haygloo” so, he knows he has a protected place and a blanket to sleep. My heart is imploding, to think he’s suffering. And in my soul I know there’s no use to hope for mercy for him. This world is merciless. – Mme. suggested going for a ride tomorrow. Take Hallie to swim, throw sticks, “relax”. She got told: I don’t want to because it means me taking care of and throwing sticks for Hallie. Me? I’m planning on cutting the limbs at 172 tomorrow… fire-wood. The evenings are getting chilly. I’ll use the wood that *I* cut, if need be. – Fuck this place, these leeches, these shit-bags. – And as for Mme.? Fuck HER for dodging ALL responsibility for that poor cat! GOOD that she got a fucking UTI! May it be only the beginning.

Sun.27.Aug: 18. 01 showered, in bed and fucking shaking. That qunt just won’t fucking quit! AGAIN… I DIDN’T ASK YOU… TIME TO GET A LAWYER, SUE FOR WORK AND GO! AND SO I TOLD HER IF SHE DOESN’T LEAVE ME ALONE I’LL TAKE HER TO COURT AND IF SHE BOTHERS ME AGAIN, I’LL CALL THE POLICE. I’M FUCKING DONE! AND I YELLED LOUD ENOUGH FOR THE TWATS UPSTAIRS TO HEAR. “There’s somebody in the kithen who wants to see you.” “Are you going to help me tomorrow?” Ah yeah… I was out the door at 9.00 this morning, in the cart and off to 172… Clipped branches off the limbs, sawed them to stove-length… was fine, most of the day AND SHE COMES OVER, JUST AS INWAS ON THE LASTLIMB AND SAYS “Where did all those apples come from? Oh, they came from the branches you cut.” Nothing about how clean the mess is nor how nice to have the wood. Well, yes, I was rude. Not vulgar… dutifully rude. She gathered a bucket of apples and left. When I’d done, I brought the cut wood to the house and went back to rake the apples and put the twig pile back in the woods. Took the plywood from the old tree and cleaned the back yard. Stacked most of the old fire-wood back there, into the cart and brought it to the house as well. When I arrived, the barbeque was going. She came out, didn’t speak a word and I brought the cart to the barn and came in to shower. Looked at the phone… 17.34. Another job and 8,5 hours of work she gets… FREE! AND INSTEAD OF GRATITUDE I GET “I didn’t ask you to do any work.” Well, FUCK YOU! If I can figure a way, I surely MUST get this shit to court. I’m tired of the ingratitude, the perpetual victim bull-shit. Not to mention being antagonised… and this bull-shit of simply taking my presence cor granted. Taking off, toodles, expecting house and home to be attended for what-ever time she’s gone. HEY! Rough calc: 1480$ of work done per month. 100$ at least a couple of times in food. My personal items are in this little room. I’m in this little room. It’s very simple and easy to leave me alone, let me work, let me be. I wonder how it would all play out in court. I wonder. I guess I’m about to find out. Thankfully tomorrow is Monday…and she’ll be gone Tuesday and Wednesday. Time for me to get busy! – As for “Who’s in the kitchen…” IF IT’S Mr. KITTY, GOOD!!! She neglected him for MONTHS. FOR WEEKS she knew of the wound. I’ll “help” get him into the carrier… SHE can get him some needed medical attention. I don’t doubt she’ll have him put down… Evil, self-serving, hypocritical, eternal victim qunt. – 18.29, done with entry. The sweat she riled is finally drying. I’ve taken 2 naproxyn. All day, all I’ve had is 4 bottles of Gatorade. – If I should die before I wake… I no longer give a fuck.

Mon.28.Aug: 7.20 Just in from going to the barn, getting the cat carrier and have put it on the back stoop. There, I’ve “helped”. She asked. I helped. – At about 21.30 last night, I headed to the back porch for a smoke, unable to fall asleep, noticed the window was closed. Was going to the door and THERE WAS Mr. KITTY! So, I brought his bed down from the little table and came back into the room. Had my smoke hanging out the window. Put the fan back in and went to bed again. Fell asleep probably round about 22.30… angry, annoyed… and relieved that Mr. Kitty MIGHT get the “help” he needs. – Meanwhile, it’s so lovely waking to a new day, with anger and annoyance, first thing. The qunt is in the kitchen. I used the door in the white room to get to the barn and have my morning smoke. – And I’m feeling quite “not well”… not eating yesterday and all the expended energy of putting up with the general bull-shit and such after all the work. – She’s a fucking piece of work. Annoy to the point of forcing an out-burst and then toddles along… playing the victim… and behaving as if cooking or something makes all fine again. Fucking freak, that one. – Before falling asleep last night I figured: Lawns, dog care, house-work, and deducting the 100$/month, I “pay” 580$ to be here. Imagine. The Twats pay 800$ for full 2 bedrooms, living-room, kitchen, loo, stove, fridge, washer, dryer, gas, electric. A mere 220$ more. AND they do NOTHING other than let their dog shit in the yard, pound on the ceiling every night, get attitude when asked to relocate their vehicle, raise maggots in the garbage pail… also provided to them. And me? I work on her TWO properties in addition to the immediate house-hold here and she goes right behind, UN-doing what I’ve done (probably to keep it so that there’s always something that will need doing) and then tells me “I didn’t ask you to…” Imagine. Well… I “do” so as to avoid her as well as possible. She does her best to antagonise. She LOOKS for confrontation, just as has been for 6 years here. I’ve no place to go to at this time, weather is turning cold… I’m rather stuck. BUT, I’m rather certain that, brought to court with much ado, bringing Stanhopes in… She pulled the same shit with them: Tried to get work out of them for free. AND, MOST LIKELY PROVOKED DAVID’S NOTE AND OUT-BURST. I’m rather sure the Stanhopes would welcome THEIR “day in court”… on the other side of the bench. And I’m ready to rock’n’roll to offer them that chance. – As I ponder: The 172 inspection demanded a hand-rail on steps to garage, closer balastrades(Sp?) on the stairs, concealed electrics in the garage, scrape and paint on front porch and round windows. I offered. It’s nothing I can’t do. It would cost her only materials. But she’s already gone to Rick AND said “I hope THIS doesn’t cost me thousands again.” *PLAYING THE VICTIM YET AGAIN. “OUR LADY OF PERPETUAL MISERY”.* FUCK. – Well… I’ve got a bit of “busy” work to complete at 172 today. SHE is supposed to bring Mr. Kitty to the vet by 13.30. (I’ve NO doubt he’ll be put down… Convenient for M.e. Qunt.) It’s just 8.00 now, sun’s up, grass wet with dew. I figure I’ll be out of here and over there round about 9.00 (or a bit sooner) and, like the Wicked Bitch of Franklin, she’ll be by to antagonise at some point. – Grant me the necessary strength… That’s all I ask of this day. – 1.03 on Tuesday…
Mr. Kitty went to the vet. Abscess! Antibiotics
NRA Membership card arrived
Finished clearing back-yard at 172
Talked with Martha Stone (via Skype number)
(Tuesday 12.05. Got too tired to continue last night, so…)

Tue.29.Aug: 11.59 Animals fed, floors cleaned, kitchen in semi-order (I’m not cleaning table, &c.), stove clean, dishes are done (dishwasher), blankets from living-room are washed… and done by about 10.45 and I didn’t get out of bed until almost 8.30. And now? Fuck all. I’ll keep the place to MY comfort. Fuck the rest. Time to be as those around me: Fuck you who are not me.

Wed.30.Aug:

17.52 Up at 8.00 to feed the zoo and to discover the garden gate ripped off the post. At about 8.30 Mr. Twat leaves a message on the house phone that he’s pissed because his car is “covered in grass”. I took a photo, sent it to the qunt. Message: Please call M. ASAP. Reply? “What happened to the gate?” I repeated my message. Moments later, message on house phone… qunt: nobody answered when I called. I called State Police. Some-how they knew my name! Suspicious. Or remnants of 5225? Anyway, police called the qunt then called me back. Of course, Twat lies and Qunt supports Twat. MEANWHILE, Hallie vomited her breakfast inside the front door. I hand-washed the rug, put the garbage out. A bit later, received a text message from qunt: I GET THE BLAME AND BRUNT! OF COURSE! Well… I’ve contacted Legal Aid and Dept. Of Aging today. Lawyer and help moving out. Checked “Republican Free Press” for advert rates. The guy had NO idea. Said “emoloyment” ads go via Monster, charges are per line of 3 words and 7-day ad would cost 200$! As it all stands now, I’m “packed”… BDMs and tallit, a route to NYS. Apparently it’s the ONLY way to ANY peace. But I must say: The qunt has lived quite well on my back, has benefited quite richly from my work and service. And as she did to Stanhope, so now it’s my turn. She got her chores and work done… and as with Stanhope… dismiss and toss. – I’d thought of having a “whoopie pie and ice cream” tonight. The very idea of eating anything is sickening right now. – THIS HAS GOT TO STOP! – I’ve spent a lot of time on the front porch today, to avoid the back yard. Wearing t-shirt, hoodie and fleece jacket. And it’s not that cold… but my body is. Exhaustion. – Nice “birthday”… typical though, of here… Coming to VT was a dire mistake. – 22.41 Showered. In bed. Waiting for was to spin. – Went to the store at about 18.00: chocolate donuts and icing. Told Deb it was my”birthday cake”. And told her it’s my last and why. Told her of the day’s events. Gave a run-down of the past year. It does no harm. It does no good. These “Children of the Corn” will defend one-another and never an “out-sider”. But it’s been said. – Finished the ice cream with the donuts and frosting. It’s all I’ve eaten all day. – Resolution: next bout of back pain, I’m calling emergency, going into hospital. Social Worker… The damage/injury happened here. If I can’t get help to get to NY any other way… Social Services can do what they’re paid to do, and, should it come, court… Here or in NY. I’ve learnt from this place. The only way is to play their own way.

Thu.31.Aug: 18.47 In the room. Door closed. Left for library 13.30. Returned approx. 17.30. She was in, had had dinner. Chatty about the news on TV. Nothing about yesterday. I had Ramen just now. Took Hallie out. Done. – HUMAN RIGHTS COMPLAIN FOR HARASSMENT FILED VIA E-MAIL FROM LIBRARY.
20.10 Cat’s gone. Probably out for the night. And Mme.’s sleeping on the recliner. NO responsibility for the house. I’m expected to take that. Well? – 22.07 Twat’s dogs been up and down the stairs for some 15.20 minutes and now whining by my window. – Kitty’s still not back. – Had 2 donuts and frosting. – Reading Herriot since coming to bed. – Mme. knocked at about 20.30 asking where Kitty is. “Out for the night.” I answered. She feigned some half-assed remourse. – 2235 KITTY IS IN! And the dog’s still running up and down the stairs. Mme. will be surely pissed to see Kitty back. I’m certain. – Thu.31.Aug: 23.04 Twats had the dog running up & down the stairs for an hour. Just brought the dog in & somebody stomped down the stairs, made all sorts of noise out-side my window, stomped up the stairs and slammed their door.