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Because of today's “chat” with Alden, I'm feeling considerably LESS at HOME tonight. I know, some-where in my sensibilities, that, if ANY-thing negative has been said, it was said by Alvin, a retired 6th grade teacher, or, perhaps even Jeff... a mental mess throw-back who wears tie-dyed t-shirts and “face mask”. We're not talking ALL of the hamlet and we're not talking the brightest of humanity. Still... I'm bothered and feeling a “new place” is called-for. I shouldn't, really... THIS is supposed to be “THE END OF THE LINE”... WELL? MAYBE THIS is how the “journey” ends... BUT... from now on... I stay to ME... truly. The “Hermit” is officially IN RESIDENCE... HAPPY BLOODY-FUCKING ANNIVERSARY.
On that note, I'm having a “NightyNight” tonight. Not really too sure why, but it seemed the thing to do. Let's see how it “takes hold” for the night. There's nothing on the agenda for tomorrow... except more “ledger”. And hopefully... there'll be nothing else/other/more that I'll “have” to deal with. Fuck. - For now, I'll close here, run through the soc.med. to close there... and off to bed to O.Henry for a bit. No alarms to be set for tomorrow. “FTW” as they say. - 22.33 Just saw: Theresa's book has been delivered today. No e-mail or word. But then again, I noticed from the past, she doesn't check her mail daily. So... we shall see what tomorrow brings. (E-mail? Text? Certainly not worth a phone call... I'm sure. Oh well... at least the book and note was delivered. One less “item” on my mind... and another bit of paper I can toss.)
Thu.02.Jul: MEDICARE IS CUTTING MY SOC.SEC.!!!! 6.32 and a new day has begun. Slept through the night last night though. Ah... the “NightyNight” tea. Sleep was wonderful, dreamless. But the morning after is a bit on the truly “heavy-chested” side, this. The draw-back of an equally “heavy” sleep. Hacking things up from the lungs... Oh well. - And there was no “contractions” and no itching... I'll suppose the itching is thanks to the hydrocort cream (which has been re-applied this morning). What-ever. - Sadly though, first thoughts are toward looking for other housing. Alas. I suppose that's going to be the running item from now until. And then the notion that, should there be ANY truth to the statements made by Alden yesterday, about the pee-oh departing... should they decide to pack-up, surely, there'll be “blame”... and it'll be dumped on my shoulders and back. Indeed, oh well, alas and... fine. Hey, I might have to leave the Adirondacks, but there's always the border-towns... and that wouldn't be at all too bad. So? So. Time to move along... what-ever that might mean. - Sunny this morning, but rather chilly. And I'm heading back to the ledger. Pondering grabbing lumber and getting to work on that, perhaps on the back porch, but I see Julius' vehicle in the drive... imagine... I still can't have the privilege of parking out-side my door. What-ever. Fukkit... just fukkit all. We roll with the time... why the fuck not? Eh? - 10.58 Well... interesting sort of morning. 1st. The briefest e-mail from Theresa confirming receipt of the book and a one-liner response to a link about the shortage of yeast of late. 2nd and VERY interesting: USPS has CANCELLED MY “INFORMED DELIVERY” ACCOUNT! WELL! We'll just have to look into this and see where it can go from here... and it will... and I'll check for places “on the border”. Here we go again... pack and move along. I just will NOT live this way. But... I'll take the zip code with me when I go. I've not time for this fuckerie. - Meanwhile, it's growing hotter and more humid out-side and cooler and damper in. What a day. - Thankfully, the pee-oh is “officially closed”... not that THAT means any-thing to this “clown world” of dip-shits. - 11.36 AS IF LIFE ISN'T TRYING TO TORTURE ME ENOUGH... I'M ON HOLD WITH SOC.SEC. ... JUST RECEIVED NOTICE THAT THEY'TE PULLING 144,60 OUT OF MY SOC.SEC. FOR MEDICARE PART B AFTER I RECEIVED NOTICE THAT IT WAS BEING SUBSIDISED! WELL! FROM 1077/MO. I DROP TO 932! JUST CALC'ING, THAT LEAVES ME 187/MO. OR 46,75/WK. FROM WHICH I HAVE TO THINK OF OIL COME WINTER AND PROPANE, NOT TO MENTION ANY-THING ELSE! ELECTRIC WENT UP, THE LOAN HAS TO BE PAID, INTERNET/PHONE.... MS. REY/RAY ON THE PHONE 11.44... THE “SUBSIDY” IS FOR RxDRUGS *NOT* PART B! SO... HERE WE GO AGAIN... “WITHDRAW FROM” AND A REFERENCE TO THE E-TOWN MEDICAID OFFICE! - 12.27 Well? I have the “form letter” in a PDF to send off to the Soc.Sec. office BUT I've NO way to PRINT it! (And am contemplating asking around? But I'm limited to... Alvin, perhaps Julius... the library is closed for such things...) AND, I'VE PUT IN A CALL TO THE LOCAL MEDICAID BORDELLO AND HAD TO LEAVE A MESSAGE BECAUSE THEY CLAIM THEIR STAFF HAS BEEN CUT BY “75%” BUT THEY'LL GET BACK TO ME... YEAH, RIGHT. THIS DOES NOT BODE WELL... I MAY JUST HAVE TO “REPLICATE” THE FORM IN HAND-PRINTING AND POST IT ALONG BUT NOW I WONDER... IF MEDICAID WILL COVER THE COST OF PART B, SHOULD I BE PATIENT AND GO FOR THAT? (WHY DO I NOT TRUST THESE DIM-WITS? “EXPERIENCE”! THAT'S WHY!) OH... TO SIMPLY GET THE “BANG!” OVER AND DONE WITH AND DROP DEAD! (I should be so blessed. Fuck me!) - Meanwhile... Ms. Suzie's only just left... imagine that. BUT.... Memory serves: Alden mentioned that some-body had complained about Crystal opening the office late and closing early... THAT was NOT me! SO... I'm NOT the ONLY one bitching about the place. Imagine THAT! Surely, should any sort of “untoward” action be taken where the office is concerned, the locals will pin it on me first... BUT... at least I happen to know that I'm not THE ONLY source of contention. Ah... we live, we learn, we die, all is for naught. - I need to get my shit together. It's approaching that threatened 29° mark and it ain't fun. - 21.50 Well... Spent over an hour on the phone with Theresa this afternoon... AFTER... ALL THE SHIT WITH THE MEDICARE AND MEDICAID AND THE GENERAL FUCKERY DU JOUR! Her phone went schwack at about 16.15 and I prepped “meal” of franks and beans with some Brussels sprouts and then ice cream. “Filling”? No. “Sufficient”? Barely. But that's what it was. - After, a snooze of about 45 minutes and back to the ledgers which I've just completed. - Honestly, the more I think about all this Pee-Oh BS the more I just want to get away from it. But I SO enjoy sitting on the porch. Just now, I was there, and the frogs in the swamp down the road were putting-up such a cacophony! Suddenly... all went silent. Some-thing must have walked past. It still stuns me when I “know” such things as this. Ah... - Talking with Theresa today was, again, all about “the end of life” and how she's going through all these “spiritual changes” of late. Well? With her illnesses, age had nothing to do with any of it. But she stresses how grateful she is to have met me “at this time” in her life. Apparently I'm making it all “better” for her. Ah yes... once again... I'm “making it easier”... for some-body else. Oh fine then. - Meanwhile, it's quite hot out there, I'm a bit peckish and there's really nothing in the house to nosh. I'd like a v-ton but I don't think I dare. First off, there really isn't all that much “v” in the house and at this rate, I don't dare tip into the “reserves” for it. (But I probably will.) Not to mention, the pains in the back are gone today, the itching is subsiding a little. I'm “fixing”... still... NOW, more than ever, I DON'T want to “linger” about. After all... I said I was “coming home to die”... may as well just GO FOR IT! And with all this Medicare/Medicaid BS... I'd be just as fine were I to simply have the “Grand Bang” even as I sit here typing. (No such luck... I'll suffer and linger and linger and suffer, to be sure.) - OK. I'm going to make a run through the soc.med. and then off to O.Henry and to snooze, with the hopes of a night's sleep... through! Another day is gone... and the month of July is in running order. Fuck. - 23.08 Engagement, delightful, on Gab this evening and NOW... it's time for BED! And it's HOT and humid!
Fri.03.Jul: 7.36 I SLEPT AGAIN, LAST NIGHT! Went to bed, read until just before mid-night. Turned out the lights and woke at about 4.30... said “Nope.”, closed my eyes, woke again at about 6.00 and said “Nope.”, drifted back to sleep and when I next opened my eyes and saw that it was after 7.00 said “OK.” and got out of the bed. Here I am. Felt almost “wonderful” when I woke up, got up, had coffee, got dressed. Just in from smoke and the morning's “thoughts” are rolling in... and with them, the “shakes” of the insides... the “Medicare” situation. the Soc.Sec. situation. Well? Taking cue from Oma, at least I know I'm not forgetting something that I should be worried about. There's a bit of a plus, I suppose. - Over-cast again, this morning. Due to get hot again... but it's July. For the moment, it's “comfortable” and quiet and I'm looking forward to Sunday and Monday coming... and no Pee-Oh. Now that's delightful. - Itching though... and my arms are a touch on the “red”. I'm wondering now, if it's something in the boards on the “drawing table”. What ever. - OK. So for now, it's a run through the soc.med. and back to the ledgers... probably for the day. The VT a/c is up to 2020. Then it's on to the NY cq. a/c and we roll along from there. (There's still a chair to be assembled as well, but that can wait.) - Today's “mystery”.... along with the BS of the Pee-Oh... “Will the fat little shit-bag broads of E-town soc.svces. get in touch?” I've got the “call” on the “calendar reminder” for today and through next week. I keep recalling the “recorded message” at that office, the whining voice, stumbling, claiming a “75%” cut-back on staff. Yeah, sure. And fuck the rest of us, eh? It isn't necessary, but... there we have it. I have to wonder if they're being paid for not being at work. What-ever. As I'm told: “Don't think it all to death!” and, a Ms. Suzie said “You think of all the bad possibilities. If you're going to think about it at all, think of all the good possibilities.” OK. Let's give THAT a try... for a change of venue. But for now... on with the day. I obviously didn't die in my sleep last night... let's fill the time. - 12.19 and I have to RE-DO a sheet in the new ledger because, as I was working on it this morning, Ms. Banshee started her screaming when she returned (after leaving) to the Pee-Oh to the point where I actually HAD to get up and close the back door! THEN... in reviewing entries in the book, I noticed I'd skipped an entry for the month prior! SO... that said... A NEW POSTING FOR A PLACE ON THE BORDER HAS BEEN POSTED TO OLDE CRGSLST THIS MORNING! *** AND *** A SECOND CALL IN TO E-TOWN BS HAS BEEN MADE, ANOTHER MESSAGE LEFT! - And a licorice tea is steeping and I need a snooze... Ms. Suzie was still boxing mail at 11.00 when I went for mine. I commented “Boxing in the rain?” (as it drizzled a slight). Her reply, with-out even looking at me, was a curt, but soft, “Yep.” Fukkem... FUKKEMALL! As much as I HATE the thought of moving again... so be it. THIS shit has GOT to go. And as for what comes along after? I don't give a shit. But I'm damned-well sure the place will look like Hell in due course. Not my monkey... not my circus. - I need a snooze. - 20.48 And ANOTHER ENTIRE DAY reconstructing the VT a/c... Only May and June remain... before getting to THIS month! PAGES of numbers! Goodness me! - And as for any-thing ELSE? Nope... Nothing. Thankfully... although there IS the posting for a place “on the border”... I'm rather excited about that. Now I MUST FIGHT to keep ALL of my Soc.Sec.! Especially since, in ALL likelihood there WON'T be another “stimulus” payment being made... in spite of rumours. BUT, I tellya here and now: IF there IS another one... it's going to the MOVE! Yes, it's going to be a bit tough, but the fact of the matter is that I'm always paid in rent a month in advance. So... Should a new place come along in August, I have until the end of September to haul me out of here. Or, in September, I have through October... just in time for Heating Season again. But I don't care. A nice, quiet little place, away from... even if it doesn't must be in “Clinton” county. “Border-Town”... and yes, I WILL be on the move again. I just won't put up with this bull-shit any longer. - For now... a NightyNight tea is steeping, and when that's done, a nice, but brief shower and off to bed. Tomorrow is SHIT-DAY... Pee-Oh open at 8.45 which means 8.15... and won't close until 11.45 which means 14.00. So my day is FUCKED! Bad enough I fucked an entire sheet of the ledger this morning, with that fat, in-bred banshee screeching over there. Yeah... MOVING TIME! Fare thee well and all that shit. Done it before... Doin' it again. - So off to a bit of soc.med., perhaps a little video, a shower and to BED! And again... no alarms... especially for tomorrow. - 22.47 Off to the shower... the NightyNight and my last smoke are done... so too... am I.
Sat.04.Jul: 6.29 I am... up and dressed, coffee'ed and smoked and I haven't the slightest idea “why”. Checked the door of the Pee-Oh... I've reason to believe they're closed today and so, I should be in bed... sleeping. But, I'm not. So? So. Here I am. And here we go. - Lights went out at mid-night, after only one short story reading. There was one “foot-spasm” at 4.00, and a trip to the loo. Other than that, a night of sleep. And after the loo, it was right back to sleep. 6 hours? OK. For now, any-way. I can always go back to bed at any time during the day. And it promises (?) to be a clear and hot one. - Looked at the flowers on the porch this morning. The marigolds seem to have gotten a touch of some kind of “frost”. Dark leaves, drooping blossoms. The “low” was supposed to have been only but 16°, hardly a “frosty” temperature. But it was, apparently, just cold enough to make living a bit difficult. We'll see how they fare, as the day progresses. According to météo, it's 17° by the moment. Oh well, oh well, oh well. What-ever. - So I'll get a little more on the ledgers this morning, or for how-ever long I manage to stay up and mobile and see what the day gives. (Still in “hopeful” mood for a new place... Margaret St. in Rouses Point would be nice. I missed that one when I came here. On the lake, by the bridge, off the main... Let's just see how it all works out... - Meanwhile, here we are... here we are... here we are... and there's time to fill. - 10.54 Well, filled those hours, on-line, soc.med. Not concerned as the sun rises higher, temps follow, skies are still clear(ish) and I'm in a slight on-set “episode” of sorts, feeling a touch “floaty” but nothing out of the ordinary. Could very well be the “NightyNight” and insufficient sleep. Not sure. Not concerned. - Heading back to the ledgers. - Seems I'm in the place alone this morning. Mr. Alvin passed by earlier. (It is awake!) - Got a response from the “relocation” post. Weymouth MA. Looked it up via telephone number. “Were [sic] on the water.” Yep. The Mass. Bay... where the houses are as close together as the bungalows in Rockaway Park. No thank you. 2 shots against, not in the least... “New England”. People are annoying. I specified Champ/RP. Oh well... at least I know the advert is seen. We continue to wait and see. - Meanwhile, there's a snooze coming... and ledgers to do. I was pondering putting more spinach seeds in but honestly, I just don't feel like being arsed about it. I've lost interest in the place and thoughts of a “future” here. It's “one of those times”... again. - Moving along... - 20.35 NightyNight is steeping... I'm tired, but wound-up a touch. I managed to get ALL of the VT account into the ledger only to be 150$ OVER! SO... I down-loaded EVERY statement from the beginning of the account (17 of them) and ticked EVERY transaction on them... to find... the morning of the fucking banshee's shrieking, I dropped entries, miscalculated some, transcribed others incorrectly... in short, FUCKED IT UP! And NOW, I need more columnar paper and 2-column is almost impossible to find! Oh... if I want to pay up-wards of 20$ I can get a pad... but I see on the little sticker on the one I have, it cost 4,50$. Reasonable... But 10$ is NOT. Staples has 4,5,5 and 8 columns but that gives too many columns and not enough space for notations. Yes, indeed, I'm pissed. - BUT... I received a wonderful correspondence from UPS about an account where-by I can have parcels that would other-wise be re-routed via USPS sent directly through them. It's the bloody address again! They have it as strictly the PO. So I explained the situation, was asked for other tracking numbers that had been delivered and “Ronald M.” has forwarded the info on to where it can me “modified”. He recommends that I re-apply for the service on the 13th. Indeed! Meanwhile... - I'm still in “Pack and Go” mood and mode. Fuck this shit, really. And about the “they're singing your praises” bull-shit... let'em “sing” in their own shit. (Honestly, I've no doubt Ms. Suzie will move in shortly after I depart... and I'm rather certain that that's their intention any-way. Let her have the place. I just won't “settle” again until I'm back at the border. Hey, I did think, when I got here, that this is a good “start”, a place to get the little bit of furnishings and such that I need to “reside”. And I've got what I need so... I can comfortably get a little place together with what I have here. I just need a kitchen table, really. The rest? Well... as health and time go... - And I'm seriously pondering a “vanity plate” for the truck so that I can just get the registration done. With a vanity plate, I can go to any DMV... even Plattsburgh. It'll cost a bit more but... as long as the plate doesn't do Clinton county, I'm fine. I have to come-up with something that works since the area code and the “ADK” isn't available (of course) (unless I don't put any sort of any mark between them... I'll ponder a bit... there's time). - And now... a NightyNight and off to beddie-bye to read. - It did get very hot today but it's cooling nicely right now. - Mr. Alvin mowed his lawn... HIS lawn, today. I've no interest in doing this one any time too soon. Hey... it's not “my” mower any-way. - Well? So much for a “holiday”. The day was as all others and I'm grateful. Hopefully no damned fool idiot will show at “the park” with any sort of bull-shit tonight. (But I wouldn't put it past any of them... I can hear some sort of fire-works echoing down the road. Shit4brains. And of course, there's a dog some-where, barking. You can't... really can't fix stupid.) - I'm just in a sour-dour-pissed mood. - Oh... had a piece of chicken for meal... with half the left-over rice to which I added pickle relish and ketchup and vinegar. Cut the chicken into small pieces, tossed it in... there you have it. It was OK. No dessert. There's a touch of vanilla ice cream in the freezer... I'm just not in the mood. I'd LIKE a v-ton... but I DON'T like the “results”... back/kidney/liver/what-ever pain. So... so.
Sun.05.Jul: 16.29! I WOKE and got out of bed at 6.45 this morning! I was “lights out” at 22.00 last night, so I got absolutely enough sleep over-night with 2 “incidents of “contractions”... in the feet again. (My feet must get cold at night... but I really don't want to wear nothing but socks to bed... should I die, it would look so “old”... not that I should give that any thought... stupid/silly me.) ANYwaaaaay.... Before going to bed, last night, I thought of a “calculation formula” for new banquing spread-sheets to comp. a “running total”. SO... THIS morning, it was up, coffee, smoke, dress and to the lap-top! Run through the “soc.med.” (16.32 Text from Dorothy: “Sending some love”. News has it that there's a LOT of violence in Georgia. Hmmm... Anyway...) Ran through the soc.med. for about an hour and then... THEN... GOT RIGHT TO THE SPREAD-SHEET... AND... took a 40-minute snooze at about 12.30 AND... got RIGHT BACK to the spread-sheet... When I FINALLY got the fucking calc. to work... I did 1 sheet each: Community, TrainNorth Chequing, Trail North Savings (no more combining the 2... it's too fucked-up), and another for CIBC (which, once the border opens, I will HAVE to go make a deposit to... just to keep it, since I opened it in 2014 and it's the longest account I've had in many years). SO... so... AND SO... I popped a chicken breast into the oven at about 15.00, just turned it off and have JUST FINISHED WITH ALL THE SPREAD SHEET! NOW... THEY HAVE TO BE “POPULATED”! Well... it's not as if I have any errands of importance, any business of importance... ANY thing of ANY importance to do other-wise. Calls MUST be made to the local in-bred anal-babies at the DSS, but that's not until tomorrow at the earliest. Other-wise... Nope... I was contemplating a little journey to Plattsburgh to get more columnar paper, but I don't want to make that trip just for that. So... despite the fact that it was a GLORIOUS sort of day, with sun, breeze and relatively comfortable humidity, a nice day to “lounge” in the sun (I haven't been in the sun from since getting back to NY... and that might be part of what's making me so... “off”)... I was in the “drawing-room”... ALL THE BLOODY-FUCKING-LIVE-LONG DAY! - One cute note: this after-noon, as I sat out front on a “smoke-break”, Ms. Therese came to check her post box. I didn't bother to look up, but as she was driving by to leave, she actually stopped to say “Hello.” and to briefly chat about the weather. “How are you?” she asked. “Well.” said I. “How are you?” and she went into the heat. Said I “I'm moving to Nunavut.” “Good luck with that. I don't blame you.” said she. “I'll send you a snow-man.” said I. “Thank you.” replied she, “I'll need one.” and off she drove. Gee... that she actually acknowledged my existence... Must be because there's nobody else around to talk with... and her “chum” Ms. Biddy, is gone. Yeah... when she'd gone round the corner, I quietly voiced my “opinion” of the matter. Yep... I can still “roll'em off in French.” Tabarnak. - And... here we are, counting the remaining minutes to 17.00 when, hopefully, “Guttfeld” will be on for an hour. I'll do my 45 minutes of “meal”. Chicken and left-over rice (the end of it which is in the fridge, will be added to some beets, there's a small bit of ice cream left in the freezer and there we'll have it... until Thursday which is next “food day”... although I'll have to toddle into town for smoke tomorrow and might pick something else up then... no promises, no vows... we shall see. - For now, this lap-top Journal is on page 5... I'll toss this on-line in the mean-while. Hopefully, tonight, 22.00 latest again. Why? I don't know. To get SOME morning peace before the shit hits the Pee-Oh again. It's been such a delight these 2 days. - Oh... nothing on the “new housing” news. Sadly. - 16.53 Today's “events” are up-to-what-the-fuck-ever. On to “meal”. - 18.54 “Meal” is done, washing-up is done, I put the trees out for the last 10 minutes of rain (the sun is back and the mountains are steaming). I even weeded the kitchen garden and planted some more parsley and spinach (though my heart's not in it any more). Put some “Miracle Grow” into the garden and the front boxes. And now, the house is “settled” (again, as usual). - Dorothy says she's making her Mum's “mayonnaise cake” with grand-daughter, Cara, on Wednesday. Do I care? I can't honestly say I do. So I'm neither replying nor responding. “Let's try talking next week. Deal?” said she, a couple of days ago. What-ever. I'm not calling. - I suppose it's a “terrible” of me, being this way, but I just don't want to be “bothered” with any-body at all. Thought of phoning Ev today... but seriously, don't want to be bollocksed. Never sure whether or not she's sincerely happy to hear from me... being a “Clinical Social Worker”, she must be able to lie very well. And as for “locals”? Seriously don't want to be arsed with ANY of them. Nancy passes regularly. Never stops. I don't care. Next door in the back? No telling WHAT the “granfadder's” told them where I'm concerned. Across the road? They don't bother with any-body any-way. And next door to the North? Dear LORD NO! If I never have another encounter with either of them I'll be just as happy. Really... I'm just “out” of it, here, the mood. Just waiting to see what comes... farther North. I'll miss these mountains... but... the swap will be fine: Mountains for Border. - Ponder the budget for this month is dragging me down too. “Food” comes on Thursday but that goes by so quickly. One piece of chicken in the freezer. I don't like that at all. Ah... “these are the days”... - For now? Just waiting to shower (briefly) and head back to bed. - I can't say that “nothing was accomplished” today. Those spread-sheets were quite the thing. Oh, alas. If only I could focus on writing, or painting, or even sketching... This old body's probably winding-down. And the “news”... all the violence with-out proper response... all they do is “report” and “record”. Yes... I'm tired... of it ALL. - 21.37 Showered and off to bed... hopefully to sleep. (Next door's been quite “active” this evening.)
Mon.06.Jul: 5.07 and why I'm up and about is anybody's guess. But I was up and about at 4.25, thought I'd just go back to bed, but couldn't go back to sleep so... I've decided to get up and start the day. There are 3 hours which will either be wasted or, if I get the balls to pull from the savings, a trip into town for smokes and what-ever I can grab to make the trip worth the effort. And then, there's the “Medicaid” calls. And because of them, I can't really go to the garage to do any work on the chair (though I could bring the lumber into the house... but I don't want to do that either... unless I set my mind on just making the thing, no matter what). Oh.. 'tis a heavy fog sort of morn, this one. But I was out chirping with the hummies and indeed, the day has commenced. Sad... but I no longer look brightly on a day. I suppose it was bound to happen. - OH MY... Just looking to last year, yesterday... Yesterday was the day when I was off to the ER with that UTI/Kidney infection! Last year today was a Saturday and the “usual” affairs of the “estate”. It was to be “chomage certification” and of course, Mme. was off globe-trotting. But I was on Cipro... a year ago today. It's rather “fun”, being able to look back. But there was a dream last year, of a “fancy do” that, in the dream, I kept thinking “If I hadn't done all the prep work, you lot wouldn't have all this merriment”. And, a ticket with the number “512”. (I could understand “518” but what-ever...). - Ah yes, and then there's that... the registration for the truck. Still pondering that as well. I'm being forced into handling that in “E-town”, so it would seem. Well? I'll just have to figure my “vanity plate” so as not to get some sort of BS on it. It's really not all that important. Only *I* would be so concerned about such trivia. Not to mention, I'll probably get the plate and lose the truck? THAT would be “typical my life”. Mustn't “think”... just roll. - A touch “flatulent” this morning. Perhaps it's all the beets from last evening's meal. Don't know. Can't care. - Time-filler today? Transferring figures and such to the “new spread-sheets”. The paper ledgers will, again, have to wait. - Well? For now... on with it... Roll along until “meal” and bed... again... again... again. It's no wonder that people die when they... “retire”. - I'm just at wits' end again... that's all. - 21.15 Well, it turned-out to be “QUITE THE DAY!” To begin with, I rang to the E-town “DSS” office and actually got an answer! Not sure who, but she said she was the “Medicaid Clerk”. She told me that I needed to talk with a “Jennifer English” but to have patience because, of that “75%” cut, that was a cut from the THREE people in the office that they had! SO... I got through to “Jennifer's voice-mail” and left quite a detailed message, kindly. Then... I got back to working on the new spread-sheets until... what seemed like moments later... “the call came in”... “Unknown Person” in the “caller ID”... JENNIFER! GOODNESS ME! She was SO kind, patient, supportive. Said there was no record of my application in the office but that she will send me one, going out in today's post. “Are you seriously thinking of dropping Part B?” she asked. When I said I am, she replied... calmly but firmly “Don't.” It took me by a bit of a surprise. “I just got a call from an 80-year old woman who did that but now wants to get it. They fine you!” Then she all but assured me that it would probably take about an hour to process my Medicaid application and that Medicaid WILL cover the premiums for Medicare! She told me that I should avail my-self of ALL the programs available to me. “From what you're getting on Social Security, I can tell you worked a long while.” she said, “so you've paid for these services. Get them.” We were on the better part of at least a half an hour. I was RELIEVED! For the first time in quite a while, I was relieved! - THEN came time to fetch the post and in THAT was a “Vendor Information” form for... HEAP! Well! Yes, I'm eligible for that as well. It's not an “application”. Just a “Vendor Info.” form Spiffy! AND with the form, a card from Theresa... for my birthday... which she'd posted on 2 July. Funny that... because all day I've been thinking it's after the fact... It hasn't even hit the month of August! My brains are GONE! Anyway... she's sent a “gift” as well. (This evening, sent an e-mail with tracking number: the package is in Albany and will arrive Thursday... no rush... morons.) - NEXT on the agenda... I decided to phone DMV to make an appointment for the registration (before I run out of money!). A FUCKING RECORDING THAT JUST DIES. THEY CLAIM “HIGHER THAN USUAL CALL VOLUME. TRY YOUR CALL AGAIN LATER.” SO FUCKED UP AND LIMITED HOURS TO CALL TOO! (But that gets “interesting” later...) OK. I'll keep trying... shit4brains in-bred fux, the lot. - So... with all of that and the pee-oh closed, I snoozed for about 40 minutes and when I woke, decided to go into town for smokes... and so... at about 13.45, I was rolling. (I had to touch the savings. But... there's still enough for registration and oil change and that's important!) Stopped at FamDoll for 3 packs and decided to take a roll out to that “Antiques” barn (salvage) just beyond the Northway. Well? Not much that interested me but... there's a bit of a kitchen table... rather some-what nice... 40$, drop-leaf. I might... not sure, but I might. Get rid of this “loaner”. Besides, what-ever I buy for the house now moves with me and I don't have to think about getting it else-where. I did think, when I got here: It's a good starting point where I can get my house together for when I find where I'll REALLY feel at home. And so... we shall see. I said I'd be back... I shall calculate the expenses. - THEN THEN THEN... as I was coming back I decided to quick-stop at Tops for ice cream, on sale (BOGO... “Friendly's” unfortunately but...) and some more chicken BUT... AS I GOT TO THE BACK OF THE STORE FOR THE CHICKEN... THE VT COW WAS THERE, BROWSING, AS IT WERE! She didn't see me and I went to the ice cream figuring I'd get back to the meat shelves after BUT... even with taking my time... SHE WAS STILL THERE SO... I WENT STRAIGHT TO THE CASHE. BUT (AGAIN), AS I STOOD WAITING, DIDN'T THE FAT THING COME DOWN THE AISLE... SAW ME AND LITERALLY BOLTED INTO THE NEXT AISLE! Well? I give her credit for NOT confronting. I'll be “word” is out and all around... I'm a prick, a fucking bastard. GOOD! At this juncture, I'm PLEASED with that reputation! GREAT! They'll leave me the fuck alone! - And so... back to the home-stead I came with ice cream for after meal (of left-over chicken, AND... FRESH SPINACH FROM THE GARDEN tossed into the pickled beets). - The rest of the day/evening? Nothing... Meal was done by 18.00. I wrote a rather lengthy missive to Theresa who wrote a missive in response to my “Thank You” missive which I sent this morning after receiving the card. I got caught in some music videos on yootoob... Steppenwolf, Sam Cooke... Johnny Bristol... and I've brushed my teeth, put on some more “bleaching” cream and a touch of “oil” on the under-arm thing. I did that last night as well and surrounded the area with cocoa butter. I'll try again... but not as heavily this time and no bandages. - It's supposed to get fucking-hot toward the end of the week. I have to get to the river for water for the trees and so I might just go for a dip. I see Chris and Meghan going every evening so it must be fine. I must try. (I need some colour... and some sun... and... a swim would be WONDERFUL, in the source waters of the Champlain.) - So now... pondering a half-smoke. There's one in the jar. Another brushing of the teeth and OFF TO BED! Tomorrow... if I'm so cursed, is another day. But all said... TODAY WASN'T AT ALL TOO BAD! (Tomorrow will have to try harder to correct the error.)
Tue.07.Jul: (Mugs and batteries arrived.) 5.43 Eyes opened at 4.45 this morning. I took my little morning “stretch”, at which point my foot seized and I laid there, waiting for it to pass. When it did, I dozed-off again, but only briefly and at 5.10, when again, my eyes opened, I decided to get up and out of the bed. Why? Once again: no clue. That little “voice in the head” demanded, “Get up! Start the day! You should have been up a half hour ago!” There's a stupidity to it, really. There's nothing so pressing that it must be attended before the 6.00 hour. No bus to subway to bus to any-where to be caught. The offices and people to contact aren't open, either yet, nor will they be in the foreseeable future. There's no shopping. No “road-trip”. No breakfast to be prepared. Essentially, there's really no reason or cause. But... up I got, coffee, dressed, smoke... trip to the loo and... well... here I am, sitting at the “drawing table” and another morning creeps in... and by. Oh, and a glance at the fan in the bed-room window, the little thermometre there-upon, clearly, in glowing red digits read “52°F”. Though there's an expected 31° coming at some point in the week... how charming. It's more “August” weather than July... thus far. But, as with all, tediously as it is, “time will tell”. - Yes, there are forms to be completed this morning and more forms on their way (one should think or hope, suspect, but doubt, considering past experiences with “promises”). Forms for the truck and the registration there-of. Forms for some sort of “info-collection” concerning heating fuel for a Winter that isn't even guaranteed. More forms for medical insurance that, should there be any “blessings” left in the Heavens, will never be utilised. “Forms”, indeed. Ah and alas. Forms. Papers that will be written upon, put into envelopes and posted away, addressed to nobody in particular, and that will (maybe) reach a desk full of more papers, to be added to a stack... upon stack upon stack upon stack and eventually ignored or lost, the arrival and/or receipt there-of denied at some future point in time when the expected results will never have happened, and duplicates will no longer be necessary because “You've passed the dead-line date.” OK. Thus is the way of the world. But, “We're only just beginning to re-open. Our staffing has been cut 90%. There's only one of me here now when there used to be 99 others.” Yeah, sure, I understand. (No, I don't, but that means nothing, nothing at all.) And the world turns, the band plays on... and on... and... - So, I'm up and about, so too, the sun. And here we go again. At the very least, I woke, I coughed, no bleeding; I woke, I pee'ed, no horrific colours nor odours; I woke, I shat, no reddish tinge; I woke, I sneezed, nothing “off-colour” there. Nothing “unusual” about this morning (yet). So? With the time ahead, no matter long or short... away we go. - I have to figure out what's for this evening's meal. One chicken breast, stone-hard and frozen. Veggies, the same. It's not that there's “no food”. So I suppose “all's well” on yet... another day. - Let's see who/what rolls in today, to dump a load of useless and un-necessary shit over the sun-shine. Ah... the suspense and surprises of a new day. - 12.32 WELL! Quite the morning, this. The new glass mugs arrived, have been washed and I even had tea in one already! Although, to be honest, I'd steeped the tea in the “Wolf Lake” mug and transferred it. I've yet to see if they'll take direct coffee from the press, but there's time for that. *Also... the “gift” from Theresa arrived: another mug, white, nice, with lettering: “Dear Judah, You are an awesome best friend. If I had ended up with a different best friend, I would have punched them in the face and searched for you. Love, Theresa” SO CUTE! (And I've just come off a phone chat... another hour or more, saying “Thank you” and chatting about all other things, as we usually do.). AND the batteries fit the little clock that I'd gotten, YEARS ago, in a little shop on St-Laurent in Little Italy! It's working again and now, in the drawing room! So now, there's a clock in the loo, the living-room AND the drawing room! YAY! (Why? I don't know. It's not like my time is confined... really. But it just “feels” better, I suppose.) - I've also managed to complete all the “registration” forms for the truck... but can't get through to the “appointment” number at DMV... fuktardz. And I want to see if I can't e-mail the form for HEAP, but there was “voice-mail” at that number. So... - ALSO... noticed on the receipt from yesterday's “market” that I have an additional 60$ on the FS! Not sure why, but there it is. I COULD have gotten meat, ice cream, eggs... MUCH more (had I not had to be bothered dodging a potential confrontation with the little shit). So I can still do that this evening! DINNER! Perhaps another pizza! - But for the immediate... pondering a mowing of the lawn. I want to check with Julius to see that the noise won't be a bother. I know... STOOOOOPID! But, if they're going to “talk” about me, the worst they can say is that I was (for the most part) “considerate”. As I say though... I'm “pondering”. - I also need to get to the river for more tree water. So... there are “things” to do. - Honestly... I'd like to have a snooze. The air is hazy, there's a breeze blowing... it makes me wanna step out-side! - 19.41... I NEED A SHOWER.... but let me actually list the day's “chores”
After the chat with Theresa and making at least TEN attempts to contact DMV....
At 14.30 (after having gone next door to make sure that mowing the lawn wouldn't disturb a nap and being told “I'm going rafting in about an hour...” and having to wait until 14.30 until that happened... I got to the lawn. Ah... FOUR segments because the shit mower stalled. But in between the stalls, I managed to hand-trim the back walks and weed the back garden.
Mr. Alvin just HAD to come over whilst I was weeding to discuss some sort of shit that I've no interest in but made nice “schmooze” with the retard until he FINALLY walked away! and I could get back to the last segment of the lawn. Fuktard. Hateful shit-bag.
The lawn was done and I was back in the house at about 16.00 and decided to put all to Hell... grabbed the keys and the cards and headed into town for... pizza, sugar, yoghurt, eggs, YEAST and a bottle of cranberry juice. By 16.28 I was back in the house. WHAT a difference a vehicle makes... my 3-4 hour “toddle” in under 30 minutes.
Pizza went into the oven whilst I tidied the kitchen and prepared for meal which was on the table by VERY shortly after 17.00. I ate 3/4 of the pizza and couldn't eat another bite except for the ice cream that followed and... of course... by 18.00 even the washing-up was done. SOooooo... I decided to
hand-trim the front bit of grass and whilst so-doing, Meghan came by from being at the river. I asked her how it is, she said “Cool.” We discussed leeches. She indicated that she's been going to the river for 20 years and did happen to see a leech of quite a long length but, for the most part, it's a matter of not stirring mud or being in still, warm waters. Thank you... I was rather convinced so...
I clipped (“dead-headed”) the geraniums, dumped them into the “compost bin” in the back, came back into the house and....
On went the shorts and sneakers, I grabbed the “tree water” container and headed down. Got a completely FULL container of water and just didn't want to be bothered with getting wet, clothes and such so... fuck-it-all... I just came back to the house where...
I changed the “nectar” in the hummie feeders for the little ones. (One has already partaken, so I know it's “good”.)
It had drizzled only slightly just a little while ago and it looked as though we would be blessed with some rain but the sinking sun is setting a “golden” glow to the living-room as I sit here, in the kitchen, typing this. Looks like I'll have to give a schpritz to the garden before getting into the shower and then getting into bed. I'm TIRED... and fed-up and pissed-off and... - And one thing I DO believe it's time to do is CUT THE SHIT WITH THIS HAMLET. TIME TO BEHAVE LIKE A “REEUL NOO YAWKUH”... FUKKEM! Seems I get a bit of the “cold shoulder” from Mr. Back-flat there. No telling what his retard “granfadder” has told him about me. So? So... No more being “considerate”. No more being “nice neighbour”. Just being “me” who pays my rent early, keeps the property pleasant and minds his own fucking business. TIME TO LIVE LIKE A “REEUL NOO YAWKUH”... multiple apartments, nod at the neighbours and as for the rest of it? Not even a “FUKKEM”! I mean, even Nancy drives by with-out an acknowledgement. So? So... they don't put food on my table, keep my electric running, keep the oil tank filled, nor the gas. They don't pay the rent, the Internet, my loans. I owe them NOTHING and they “owe” me only the courtesy to stay the fuck out of my face. “Welcome Home”. - Anyway... although I'm smoking too much of late, time for a smoke and to schpritz the garden, get into the shower and wrap this fucking day up. - 21.11 SCRUBBED and now.. to O.Henry and then... and then... -
Wed.08.Jul: (PRINTER) 7.32 IT WAS A NIGHT OF HELL! As I'd closed yesterday with “and then...”, indeed, I got “and then...”. Read through a delightful O.Henry and began the next but by 22.00... lights went out on the day. Ah... but by about 23.00, I was up again... CONTRACTIONS... FEET AND LEGS! HAD to get up to walk them off! So I got up went to the kitchen, too TWO naproxen, went back to bed until... about 0.00 this morning... ANOTHER UP-AND-OUT-OF-BED... to walk round the living-room a few times and back to bed until... 1.00... then again at 2.00 and then... I guess exhaustion and the naproxen took hold. PAIN ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT! I put the “hiking socks” on, hoping they'd help. They didn't. I had to cover my legs, put all the pillows to the side, lay flat on my back (which did NO good for my sinuses and chest this morning). At about 6.00 this morning, my eyes opened, I looked at the clock and went right back to sleep because I was just TOO fucking tired to get up! It was 6.44 when I just finally decided to get up, no matter what. Groggy, hazy... I've made coffee (MADE coffee) which is in a NEW BEAKER as I sit here at the work-table. Am dressed, have had first smoke on the porch. It's 24° which is about what it was through the night. 30° forecast for today's “high” and a little message of a “début de pluie” for 10.00. And on my “agenda” for the day? Phone calls and I've put a wash in the basin to soak and... NOTHING! (Unless the library will allow me to run up there to make a photo copy or so for the HEAP item. In which case I might go to the market for a few things.) - Ah... this morning, another reminder of how grossly I'm “running-down”, falling apart, “shifting into darkness”, gone flabby... another reminder. What's to follow is to be seen... if at all. - Anyway... here we are, another day. It's going to be a “draggie” sort, with all the naproxen in the system. But... if we shove through... we'll see, later, how it all turns out. I mean... it's not that I haven't had worse... This isn't “the Shelter”, for example, and there's nobody whining (yet... the pee-oh isn't open). - 8.47 FINALLY... of course, as I was sitting on the toilet, I GOT THROUGH TO DMV! “Charlotte”... Everything has to be done via POST! I don't like all this sending of original documents, but there's no choice in the matter now. AND... a photo-copy of the license! SHIT! NOW, again, fining a place to “photo-copy”! Oh well... next item on the list. I'll have to wait (again), until 10.00 or so to ring the library because, well, I can't think of ANY place else to copy shit! I mean, we don't have a “Staples”... except for Plattsburgh... and I'm NOT driving ALL the fuck-hell way up there for COPIES! Still... at least this much is done. YAY. - Meanwhile, Ms. Bizzy (Suzie) is “in the office” so my morning is now, officially... fucked. Alas... - 13.10 HERE WE GO! Off to the banque for quarters, then to Kinney Drugs for about 40 copies of different “proofs” of birth, age, residence, &c. THEN, probably back to the house to get it all together for tomorrow's MAJOR MAILING... CERTIFIED-ALL. I NEED A PRINTER-SCANNER! 29° out there with a Humidex of 32° (a temperature I remember seeing on a banque in Riverdale, OH, so many years ago as I wandered the streets, to keep away from Margot... it made me sick then... it's not much better today other than... the truck, which I hope will survive). Oh well. Today, now, “things” are, I must admit, a touch better and when this is all done... and all is settled... I'll drop dead (if I'm lucky). - Off we go... before the “promised” rains arrive? - 21.43 After a day of dealing with ALL sorts of paper-work... IT'S FINALLY DONE! - ***** I DID BY A PRINTER TODAY! JUST A PRINTER, NO SCANNER. 30$ AND DID I GET WHAT I PAID FOR! Bought it at, of all places, Kinney's. Was almost rather happy. “Rather”, because I'd blown almost 5$ on photo-copies... at Kinney's. Went looking for a little funnel and THERE, ON THE SHELF, A PRINTER! I'd looked on-line and they (with scanner, of course) were going for over 100$ and I'm not in a position to piss that much away for a simple printer. So I grabbed it. WELL! FUCK ME! IT DOESN'T COME WITH THE FUCKING “USB” CABLE TO CONNECT IT TO THE FUCKING LAP-TOP! I LOOKED ON-LINE AND SURE ENOUGH... SO MANY COMPLAINTS ABOUT THE SAME SHIT! FUCKING “CANON”. I PHONED THE “CUSTOMER SUPPORT” NUMBER I FOUND ON-LINE, GOT SOME GUY WHO SOUNDED LIKE HE WAS STONED, WHO TRANSFERRED ME TO SOME NUMBER THAT JUST PLAYED MUSIC. SO I GAVE UP. TRIED TO ORDER FROM WALMART, BUT COLDN'T GET MYORDER IN (I should try once more before going to bed?). And so, that's how that went. “Meal” was the one slice of pizza from last night, a “tuna omelette”, ice cream. So at least I ate something. - Theresa multi-texted (as she does, her repeated one-liners) of her MD appt. today. They're blaming her weaknesses on “stress” but she's going in for more test later on. - Meanwhile, I'm “ick” from the heat and humidity but I've taken ONE naproxen earlier and will hope for the best. Were things different (gas), I'd shower, but it's not really necessary. - But all this paper-work! SHIT! And I STILL have to MAIL the damned Title for the truck. Suzie says she takes E-town mail to the PO where they deliver directly to PO Boxes there so it will be in the box by noon tomorrow. (How long it takes to get the temp plates should be interesting... I'm expecting either WEEKS or NOT AT ALL... “Lost”. Fuckers. But we shall see. Nothing much more I can do about it. Spoke with a “Charotte” this morning at DMV. Booked through the 17th. Said mailing would be faster. Fine... In-breeds. - And now... off to O.Henry. Hopefully, I'll get up early enough to run my Medicaid papers to the office (and HEAP) and if I can't get the order on-line for the cable... well... off to Walmart (to be sorely disappointed, I've NO doubt at all... AND... more than likely, find another printer with scanner at an affordable price. Oh well and alas.) Fuck. - It's HOT and HUMID and... I should get to bed now.
Thu.09.Jul: 6.45 Got out of bed with the 5.00 alarm, coffee, diddling, soc.med., on 2nd coffee and hitting the “slump”. But, at least, the new coffee mug is still holding-up (I'm rather impressed... day 2 and all). Gathered the house-hold trash together to put into the bag. Now, to get it out of the house? I don't know why I got out of bed at 5.00, other than the high for today is, with the Humidex, expected to be 33°! I'm going for a nap very soon. - 9.35 Well... the cable for the fucking printer got ordered (Walmarde), to be arriving on the 17th (Happy b'day to mother). And I laid-down for a 50-minute “snooze” as the Leggo Boiz were across the hill, mowing the “park”. I managed to snooze through it all. Luckily, the windows were all closed so the fucking dust didn't come pouring in. And now, am finishing this morning's coffee whilst waiting... for... either the departure of the Bizzy Biddy or finishing coffee and getting into town to deliver my “Medicaid” forms and... what-ever will follow there-after. Oh, the cable got ordered because Walmarde, the store, had only one sort and it looked cheap. Hey... no “delivery charge” on the order so I'm fine with that. - Now, to figure “smokes money” and to find my little list of “ToDo” which I had in-hand, only last night before bed. Honestly, this is getting to be an annoyance: I have things in-hand and only moments later... can't find it... “lists” in particular. Oh well... on with the day... BEFORE 33° hits! - 16.14 32° Humidex 34! Tonight's 20 will seem bitter. (I can only hope.) - WELL... at
10.48, 4,75) AND SHORTLY THERE-AFTER, I WAS ON THE ROAD AND INTO TOWN TO DSS WHERE I SAW CINDY HEALD WHO TOOK THE MEDICAID PAPER AND THE HEAP PAPERS!
We had a REALLY nice chat about this “flu” business and I was off across the road to the market where, about 60$ later, I walked out with pizza for tonight, some “knockwurst” (in a package... but it's the thought), more ice cream, cream cheese, chicken (one package which is in the freeze already) and other little items. A quick stop at the FamDoll for 2 packs of smokes and looking for funnels which they don't have either. Casey suggested trying the Thrift... one of these days perhaps. Meanwhile... by 12.18 I was back in the house... JUST before the fucking HEAT struck! Came in, un-packe every-thing, put my shorts on. The in-side of the house was cooler than out-side so it wasn't too bad at all, coming in. So comfy was it that I actually prepped and wrapped the chicken! After-wards, I “settled-in” with nothing more on the agenda for the day and didn't care to find any-thing more. Just knowing that the paper-works were on their way to some other desk (where they'll be delayed, ignored, mangled, over-looked, &c.) is SUCH a relief! - I had some yoghurt by about 15.00 with a glass of “cranberry tea” and went in for a lie-down for about 45 minutes. - Just up and now at 16.43, pizza is in the oven. Meal at 17.00, so it would appear. - Now... for a note about mail:
YESTERDAY, SUZIE INSISTED THAT SHE BRINGS ALL THE OUT-GOING MAIL INTO THE “E-TOWN” OFFICE WHERE THEY SORT IT FOR LOCAL MAIL AND THEIR BOXES GET DELIVERED DIRECTLY. YEAH? WELL... THIS MORNING I MADE CERTAIN THAT SUZIE SCANNED THE DMV ENVELOPE AND JUST NOW, CHECKING ON THE TRACKING... IT LEFT NEW RUSSIA AT 11.50 AND ISN'T EXPECTED TO BE DELIVERED TO E-TOWN DMV UNTIL... MONDAY!!!
OK... a little some-thing to check into, casually, tomorrow, and to let Suzie know that no, they don't sort the local... they dump it with the rest of the out-going... OR... they noticed the return address and dumped THAT with the out-going... I'm going to have to check this... a letter/note to me, dropped some evening, in the E-town box. We shall see what we see. (Wouldn't surprise me if the protocol is as with Fucktardia-across-the-lake: just dump it all and send it through the system. Shit-bags... the lot.) - Anyway... before I destroy my one meal du jour here with being pissed to the core... the day is done and the house is heating and I'm in a sweat for the first time. I was sitting on the front porch for a halfie a moment ago and it's really quite brutal out there. And tomorrow's expected to be 31 with a 33 Humidex! Well! Another day of... nothing-doing, to be sure. And the river's so low I don't even want to bother... though that might change.. we shall see. - Shower before bed tonight though... to be sure! - 21.13 Time for a shower and off to bed. - Julius dropped by AGAIN, this evening, to tell, AGAIN, that he and Hanna are “breaking-up for good this time” AGAIN and that he's leaving AGAIN. - I was out watering the front flowers, Vivian commented on how lovely it looks... I don't care. - BUT THE HUMMIES... I SWEAR THEY ACTAULLY WANT TO CHAT! SWEET HEARTS! - Meanwhile... oh... quick “We made cookies” it's too hot... message from Dorothy... So much for “we'll talk” AGAIN. - I'm tired... sweaty. Just had more yoghurt. Sorry I didn't buy vodka today... might just tomorrow... I'm at “I don't give a shit” right about now... (No... no word of reply on my posts for a flat.) - Fuck this. Fuck that. Fuck them. That's all.
Fri.10.Jul: DMV GOT THE FORMS TODAY! (So says the USPS web-site tracking... 8.45)
5.31 I am up. Both fans are in the windows in the bed- and drawing-rooms, pulling in the 22° (so they say) coolness of the morning. Doors are open. Living-room windows are open. I'm BLOWING this place full of fresh, morning air! (And, of note, the fridge is giving-off enough hot air to be felt as I walk past it. That concerns me a bit, but, this morning, I don't care. It's one of “those” mornings: a “NYC” sort of morning where-by it's MY house for now, I have movement, motion, am up and about and it's a rental... and what goes wrong will do so.) MUCH of my “attitude” of this morning is the thought of the DMV documents, going to Albany and not directly into the PO box yesterday. I'm annoyed, aggravated, agitated this morning. I'm also agitated because of the repeated “We're breaking-up and I'm leaving.” bull-shit of the back flat. She came rolling back in at about 21.00 last night, as I was going to take my shower. She's here this morning. You know? Just GO! Hell will follow... and I'll deal with it when it gets here. Fuck. I put-up with 16 months of the SHELTER! A la Joan Jet: Hit me with your best shot. And fuck the rest. - Also feeling a bit “tight in the chest” this morning, for some reason... even after having slept... and I mean SLEPT THROUGH THE ENTIRE NIGHT AND WOKE ON MY OWN, NO ALARM THIS MORNING! Indeed... THAT was a miracle in and of itself. - Was pondering making a wash of the bed linens this morning, but have decided that I don't really want to get into that. Not sure why... I just don't. So? I won't. So let's see what comes with the day. - I'll get to a bit of “art” for Theresa. Thinking of incorporating “The Last Leaf” with the “Aaronic Blessing” on parchment/vellum. I've got the markers and such. I miss my “Rapidograph” but there's no sense thinking about that. They're costly, not used often, and I don't, some-how, see me using one all too frequently in what-ever time I've left on this earth. So... we'll make do with what we have available. Yeah? - Time to move along... roll on sweet Jezzus. It's gone to a “double-digit date... the 7th month of the year. More than half gone and 8 days short of the “Anniversary”. - Well Darling, “A place in the Adirondacks”... here it is... here am I... and we roll along, along, along. - When I think of that prat in the back flat: “I don't like living alone.” Across the road from “grandfadder”? In the town where you've spent the majority of your life? And me... The closest I've ever been to ANY “relative” is the time in New Prospect... when Joe was in Shawangunk. Imagine that. “Alone”. Really. 28 years of age and afraid to “live alone”. I'll give benefit of the situation and such: maybe the “norm” IS wanting to be close to relatives. “Maybe”... but I doubt it. And... being close and living with are very different. 28-year old men should aspire to independence. Oh... here we go again: thinking too much. - Time to deflect the day and be “busy”. It's going for 6.00. - Meanwhile, on the porch this morning, the hummies are up and about and “playing their games”. The “little joys” in life... - 16.07 I just pissed ANOTHER ENTIRE DAY on the TN Chequing spread-sheet! BUT... IT'S DONE... the NEW format for 2020! ONE DOWN and... FUCK ME to go! - Now? Knockwurst time! (I probably should have gotten more vodka but I didn't so it'll be eat, wash-up... amuse... bed... again. Oh well. Money saved.) - OH... and I happened to “look-up” that “Class Action” in VT against the gas stations... “WE” won... as it were. Potential 5k. (I'm not counting on it nor am I spending it... but... there you have it. I could SO use that money for SO much these days... not the least of all... GETTING OUT OF HERE, so of course... NOT HAPPENING. -
DMV GOT THE FORMS TODAY! (So says the USPS web-site tracking... -
20.12 Well... the temperature is starting to drop, though not enough to really note. It's still hot, humid. The skies are quite grey, and there's “talk” of a “Tropical Storm” coming tomorrow. “Fay”, of all names. I've no complaints about the “threatened” rain-fall, just so long as there's no “hail”! I dread that more than anything... and since there's no room in the garage for the truck, well.. Fine, I've got insurance now, but I'd truly really rather NOT. Thank you. - Meal tonight: KNOCKWURST! It was “flavourless” to be honest. I had 2 of the 4 with beans and “Jardiniere”... or what-ever (though “spell-check” likes the way I've spelt it, so we'll settle). Ice cream after. One “item”: the “casing” is pork... and, I finished, as usual, with meal, by 18.00 and at about 19.00... OFF TO THE LOO FOR “CLEANSING”! Yep... the old “system” is still “Kosher”. Imagine that. - It's been a rather “quiet” sort of day. No “messages” of any sort, no “visitors”. - Hanna was here earlier... I could tell by the “thwacking” of their screen door. She's gone now... off to live with “gran'ma” again... again. And Julius is “thumping” about over there, heavy-footed. Oh... he'll be back at his “granfadder's” in due course. I honestly don't understand how 28-year olds have NO ambitions to live with any sort of independence. But, these are different times (especially when looks at current news and sees how that same age group is working so diligently to wipe history and religion out of the country... whilst the politicians either support it or, in the case of the so-called “Republicans”... simply whine or completely ignore). Miserable days to come. It's the GRANDEST time in history to be “old”. This country's heading right into Communism. By the time it takes firm hold... it won't make any difference to me... one way or another. And I've NO sympathy nor compassion for the young... nor the “old” like the dip-shits next door or down the road. (Jeff, with his 40k-plus annual income... that'll be gone soon enough... thanks to his own support of his own demise.) - No sense thinking about it. I'm certainly not going to try to stop them. Let them live in it, say I. - I'm just glad I got the one spread-sheet done. I WISH I could get it all on paper, but that will have to wait now. I've no time nor money to go running around for “columnar” so... as long as there's a properly-working spread sheet... and next week, should I wish, I can print it! Now THERE'S a bit of a charm... I suppose. - I'm relieved (partially) to see that the DMV paper-work has been delivered. NOT, mind, that I trust either the PO nor the DMV. I've no cause to do so. (Now let's see how long it takes to get a decision on the Medicaid?) - I've taken a naproxen and am just about ready to head to bed. May as well... and hope for a night of sleep. “Hope” is all I can do. - Another day... gone by. - 20.35 All pages on-line. Day is TRULY done.
Sun.12.Jul: 6.34 and I “slept-in” until 6.12 this rainy, rainy morn. But coffee's on. I've had a smoke on the back porch this morning and... as I smoked, for some reason, the following lyric came to mind, as a fitting description of the situation in the back and most of my own so-called “relationships” (Thank you Neil Diamond):
For you were Woodstock and I was Motown. I one day woke-up to FIND my albums...
down on the floor
there were no more.
You played me.
You are the sun I am the moon
You are the words
I am the tune.
Played me.
And so another day commences and rolls on, with nothing in particular, save a bit of work on some “illumination” for Theresa and that about covers it. It's Sunday and businesses are closed, and with the rains, perhaps a calmer sort of day. But we shall see. Sad, that I think of “things” to do to make life more comfortable, to me, things to do around this place, and yet, not, because I just don't really want to be “a part” of, rather to be “apart from”. Oh well... we just roll with it, as we've done before. So much for the “growing old” and such. But never mind all that now. 'tis another day and here we are. And suddenly, not long from now, I'll be sitting at table to “eat” and it will be time to go back to bed. This is the way the days go.... we move along. - I just hope the naproxen doesn't become “tolerated” any time too soon. A sleep-full night it was last. Let there be many more to come. On with... - 7.36 The rains have paused, there's touches of blue in the sky. It's gone all sorts of “calm” out there. Just in from second smoke with the Hummies. They're really a joy to be with. The temperatures actually have cooled, but the humidity lingers. - A veritable CROWD of tiny ants suddenly appeared on the mat on the counter-top! They weren't there earlier and I can't figure from whence they come nor what they congregate there for. I scoured the top yesterday, with the “Clorox”, after making bread. It's annoying. Oh well. For now... on with what-ever this day will be... will be. - 12.45 Well THAT certainly turned into a “busy” morning! So as to “accommodate” the printer, the ENTIRE space under the “drawing table” had to be re-arranged and the top of the table had to be re-re-re-re-re-arranged. And so, it took the entire morning... or, at least about 3-4 hours of it. But the place is Hoovered again, at last, so that's good. And all the while, all of the windows and doors have been open to let the “brisk” breezes flow through. So the house is “aired” as well. BUT... the sun's been shining hither, yon, here and there and it's returning to HOT! So, curtains will be closed in due course. Alas. Still, the winds are refreshing, and the exchange of stale air for fresh is welcome. - I've been wearing the “Goodwill Loggers” all the while. Give them some “exercise” before the next time they get some “exercise”, as it were, if the mildew and the likes are gone “enough”. Interestingly, they're rather comfortable... with-out the laces, as they are now. Imagine that. (Though, there are moments when I look at the “collection” and realise: I've only ONE pair of foot-wear that I purchased “new”... the “8th Street Loggers”... and OH! the memories (of the Bakfort) THEY hold... not to mention “other” nights in Rockaway... but never mind all that at the moment. - Mean-while, the little “brat” (I've come to realise that he's actually quite spoiled, which lends immaturity and little else) packed some sort of “plastic bin”, loaded it into the car and passed the window en route to “granfadder's”. That too shows the rather immaturity of “granfadder” as well. Maybe it's just me but I can't help but think that that child will have NO resilience against the world when “granfadder” is no longer about. It's an injustice to the brats. But then again, as I say often, these shits will be living in the world they're creating these days... and that's closer to actual “Hell” than Hell itself, and I've NO sympathies for the lot of them. Did MY generation make the world any better? Probably not, but at least we were the last of a “working” generation who did what we did with-out destroying. So? Let the world turn and the brats “rule” themselves. The rest of us will be dead, dead and gone. Tough shit... for real. - Now... perhaps a tea or a snooze or... it's been a “productive” morning. - Shame, I should think, that I'm in “Every-thing's temporary” mode. I could make the chair, shelves, some-thing today... but I just don't care to be arsed or bollocksed. - 16.49 Because I feel it's worth the mention... JUST finished HF10z! “Modified” the hose-clamps with electric tape to cover sharp edges and it was really intended to just be a “trial”, to see if it actually made a difference. Well! I can tell that, in fact, it certainly DID! And 45 minutes later... “Clean-up on aisle 10.” So there! So “odd”, really, how much “lighter” the world is after that. - And now... I happened to notice the “Shelter jammies” and the t-shirt at the foot of the bed and, believe it or not, they soaked whilst and are now on the rack in the back, in the breeze (as some clouds are making their way o'er-head). - Looks like tonight's “meal” will be the left-over one slice of pizza, upon which I've schmeared some cream-cheese. There'll be ice cream to follow, of course, but that's that for this tonight. I'm in NO mood to cook. It's only just cooling again and I'm not adding any heat to any of it. - There's tomorrow for groceries. - AND... for the first time, I made a tea in one of the new mugs... poured the boiling water directly and... thus far... all's well. I haven't put in a “review” and might not (in case I'd like to order more, though I can't see why I'd want to... there's no “gift-giving” to come so...). But at least I know that they CAN “handle the heat”. - I see Mr. and Mrs. “Mayor” over there... SHE'S up on the ladder on the porch roof, he's “supervising”. Mean-while, I do have cause to believe that the “child” is in the house as I saw some-one dash up the stairs yesterday, when I went for Jeff's number. How charming that THAT won't do the work. But then again... it's part of some “commune” out on the West coast... for “peaceful living” and such. I probably wouldn't want it making repairs on my house... never mind, sending it up a ladder. - Oh well... this day is almost done already... “already”... and this morning I was wondering what to do to pass the time. - Haven't gotten to Theresa's art-work yet again. But... Hell... “things” got accomplished... especially that most recent one. YAY! - 18.07 Meal done. Dishes, gone away. Laundry still on the rack. And... that's that for this today. THAT went by quickly... as it always does. Thankfully, there's a cool breeze blowing. - I keep thinking: NO TAN this year. Imagine? It's just been too fucking HOT! (And... no place to get out into the sun... in the mountains!) - Oh well... now to drag along for the next two hours... which will, when they're done, have gone by quickly too. - I had to “move” a tomato plant back behind the fence. My fingers smell SO GOOD! - 20.51 Time for last smoke, shower and CLOSE the day! I “fed” the “po'ch geraniums” and changed the ICK in the wasp traps, river-watered the inside plants and had the last splash of v with some ton before my naproxen at 20.00. So? Now... 'tis “Wrap-It-Up” time!
Mon.13.Jul: 6.14 and, to the silence of the fan not running, a temperature of 70°F on the thermo., a golden morning sun bathing the world out-side the window... I heard the 5.00 alarm, turned it off and dozed until about 5.47... Yes, I see... 19° this morning! How wonderful it THAT? And 24° for the “high” du jour, a “low” of 15° for the “nuit” to follow. The “canicule” is past? We can only hope. - But this morning, the eyes want to go back to sleep, and the body's not in disagreement. - I can't help but keep thinking of the last e-mail received from Theresa where she mentioned the difference between my speaking and my writing. Says she loves reading my e-mail, that I write with nuance that doesn't come across when we chat. No, I can't help but think: The only person I've ever met with whom I could talk as I write was Jeannine. But then, she spoke the same way. (I wonder what ever happened to her after she set fire to the flat in Bay Ridge. And “Tinley”... her little cat... and too... the lizard she kept. (Imagine? Somebody else who had a lizard... the brats in the back flat aren't “new” to me.) Anyway, so much for this morning toddle down “Memory Lane”. - If I had the funds, it would be a nice day to roll up to Michael's in Plattsurgh to get actual metallic pens for the coming illumination. But you know? There are better places to put “funds” these days. (Especially considering that the savings is only but about half of what's owed on the loan and there's another 18 payments to be made on that... and... already, there are those who are clawing at my meagre income.) - Well? I'm up and about and having coffee, in from a smoke, yesterday's lavage is back on the back porch, damp. And what's to come of this day will be, as with all days, seen at it's end. I see the need to go to town at some point... groceries. If I went to Michael's, I could also go to Hannaford's. But alas, I shan't. So? So... On with what-ever comes along here. And I've no doubt some-thing will come along... here. - 20.19 'Twas a day of working on the VT spread-sheet... and that, sadly, is about the whole of it. And the day passed... again. We had quite some rain for the most part, but they've passed (too) and it's cool enough that the fan in the bed-room is off... on “auto”. CHARMING! - Decision this evening: although I can hardly afford it, I've decided that, should weather (and truck) permit, a trip to Plattsburgh. Michael's for metalic pens, Home Goods for a decent pot (the one from Walmarde is “OK” but scratched with one use, smokes (which are the essential), gas because it's most likely cheaper for Mobil up there than Sunoco is here. Maybe Staples for the columnar pad. AND... a day out of town. I'll be terribly sorry after, but... I might not even go at all. I've transferred the money to the card account already. So? So... And I've already “taken” the “registration” out. We shall see. (It might just be a trip into town for smokes and groceries. One never knows.) - Oh... I've a “working digital” of Theresa's “illumination”. How that turns out is to be seen as well. The printer cable should arrive tomorrow morning. That would be delightful. “Home Goods” doesn't open until 10.00 so that might give me time to set the bloody printer up and see how it runs (or not). - Meanwhile, meal was... 2 “Vidalia” onions, sautéed in oil with spices, tomato paste/sauce, angel hair. LOTS of it too. Ice cream after. By 18.00, as usual, all the washing-up was done. Imagine that. - I've taken a naproxen and am ready to head to the bed for some reading now as the little frogs chirp the evening in. - The hummies have been HYSTERICALLY funny today! There ARE 3 of them and Mrs. does NOT like to “share HER” feeder! The boys will share, but she won't. And the buzzing back and forth and round-about! They truly ARE amazing AND so VERY entertaining. - Other than that, it's off to bed again. See? Another day passes and at the end I've nothing to show for being... just, for “being”. Oh well. - Shame I've lost interest in making that chair. Shame I've lost interest in this house. Shame that it appears Julius WILL be departing. Shame all round. Biggest shame: nothing attractive “up North”. Oh well... - Time to call this... “done”.
Tue.14.Jul: (KDD6786 THE TRUCK IS A “NEW YORKER”!!!
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13.00 WELL! AT 10.25 I WENT TO THE POST BOX (hoping for the printer cable but NOOooo!!!! FUCKERS!) TO FIND... THE PLATES AND REGISTRATION FOR THE TRUCK! YES! BABY'S A *NEW YORKER*!!! ALMOST A YEAR TO THE DAY (OF MOVE-IN), IT'S FINALLY DONE! THE TRUCK IS, TODAY, “OFFICIALLY” IN NEW YORK! AND... ON MONDAY MORNING, INSPECTION AND OIL CHANGE. ***AND*** “ADK-518” PLATES HAVE BEEN ORDERED!!! “ADIRONDACK” AND “518” AND INDEED... THE LITTLE “REVERIE” OF 1974 HAS BECOME, AS ALDEN SAID: “LIVIN' THE DREAM!!!” I'M IN A BIT OF A SHOCK AT THE MOMENT, BUT, THE REG. AND TEMP. INSP. STICKERS ARE ON THE WIND-SHIELD, THE OLD “VT DECEMBER 2019” INSPECTION STICKER IS GONE. THE VT PLATES ARE WAITING TO BE ADDED TO THE LITTLE “WALL HANGING” AND... THAT'S THAT! NOW... MY HEART GOES HEAVY, MY GUTS TWIST, HOPING THAT ALL ELSE GOES WELL WITH THE TRUCK FOR AT LEAST AS LONG AS I'M, WHAT THEY CALL... “ALIVE”. BUT, FOR NOW, THERE IT IS... QUITE LEGAL. And to think, that was quite the reason for NOT going to P-burgh today. Imagine! OH... AND THE COST? 147,00, NOT THE 207,36 I'D CALCULATED. (THOUGH NOW I WONDER WHERE MY TITLE IS???) I'M 60 AHEAD!
So I changed the plates, put the stickers in the window, came back into the house, grabbed the keys and the cards and headed into town for smokes and some groceries. AND... the “traffic lights” at the Lobdell Rd. are GONE! As habit, I slowed to round the corner, wondering “which lane” would be closed today and... AND... NONE OF THEM ARE CLOSED and there's no trace of the lights! It's “normal” again! Quite the day. - What a fucking shame my body can't tolerate a v-ton! I'd have one or two tonight... just to “celebrate”. Then again, probably better that I don't because tomorrow after-noon I have a “phone interview” for FS and I need to be about my wits. So? There will be time... After the oil and inspection... perhaps I should make arrangements to get to the lake... there's a martini on the Champlain shores still waiting! - And so, I return from town to find a truck with trailer in the drive, Hanna coming out of the garage... Yep... she's movin' out! “I'll be back tomorrow.”, says she. And I'm assuming it was her grand-parents, the guy says “That's the trouble. She probably WILL be 'back tomorrow'.” Anyway, as I type, Julius is back in the house. He was gone whilst she moved-out. Oh well... it really is none of my business other than to worry about WHAT will move in there. This morning, I was “privy” to a chat between Alvin and Julius where-by I heard Julius say something about “She's got a lot to work on.” and “I really like this place.” No telling WTAF is going on over there. But... I'm STILL looking for my “Border-town” mean-while. - NOW... TO FIND OUT WHAT'S WHAT WITH THE MEDICAID/MEDICARE and things will, once again, for the while, be quite settled. *** BUT WE CAN'T HAVE THAT NOW... CAN WE? NOOOOOO!!! - OK. Time for some yoghurt. I'm not really hungry but I should eat some-thing... for some reason. - 20.53 Had my “NightyNight”... instead of a v-ton... oh well. - Franks and beans and crisps for “meal” with ice cream after. - Pissed the rest of the day away because of the torrential rains that have gone, brought the temperature down and brought the BUGS! - Just had a “schmooze” with Alvin who noticed the new plates on the truck. (Fukkin old woman.) - Julius came out onto the porch. “I took 3 days to move stuff out and never moved anything. Now I have to go back to work tomorrow.” Alvin asked “Have you spoken with Alden at all?” “No” says Julius. “I'm waiting to move every-thing out and clean the place and then I'll have my gran'fadder talk to him.” WOW! I seriously... kid's got a great work ethic and that's where “responsibility” ends. Oh well. - SPOKE WITH DONNA this evening. She said she didn't call because I didn't call her or send photos so she thought I was pissed-off at her. Said I, “You could have called to ask if I was pissed.” Honestly... people. But we had a great talk. Tony wants to sell the house and move her farther North in SC. Won't come up this far. She'd love to but he won't have it. She feels about SC the way I feel about VT. Hmmm... Anyway... I sent her a photo of tonight's fog (and since she commented about a photo taken when I saw Dorothy and how “young” I look, I sent a “selfie” of me with the foggy mountains in the back.... as I sent “What they call 'fukkinugly'.”) - And now, it's off to a quick shower and to bed! Tomorrow's a bust because I have to be sure to have the phones up and ringing by 15.30. No sense going any-where before then. Not that I should go any-where to spend any money any-way. I have all I need (save vodka... and I'm seriously considering... pains or no). - So it's another day passed and gone. BUT THE TRUCK IS IN NY! AND MONDAY, INSPECTION AND OIL CHANGE! YAY! Next? Medicaid... MUST follow-up with that this time... and TIME is of the essence to be sure. I will NOT have them pull at 144$ out! NO! - Let's hope the “NightyNight” keeps the cramps, spasms and contractions away.
Wed.15.Jul: 5.58 Why not just put “6.00” and have done with it? Eh? But I heard the 5.00 alarm and let it roll, dozed and got out of the bed at 5.25 for the usual “routine” of the morning, with a touch of “heaviness” in the lungs. I suppose that too, is part of the “usual” as well. I've been noting the likes from since last year any-way so... here we are. (Come to think: Last year, I figured “April” would be my “last month” so... And here I am, on this “68°F” morning, or, so says the thermometer on the window fan, with the fog hanging in the pines, the heavy dew on the grass and... being in from a smoke and watching the hummies buzz back and forth and Mrs. standing her ground on BOTH feeders. What a crew, those!) - And a “day at home” ahead. At 15.30 is the “interview”. I can't imagine why I'm even “concerned” about that. I've been through these so many times over the years. Those people will do what they'll do no matter what. But I happened to hit the “Budget” spread-sheets last evening, and being “realistic”, next month, should they pull any-thing from the Soc.Sec. I'll be “operating on a deficit”. Imagine? A “negative” 13$/week for the month. “NEGATIVE”. Imagine that. We shall see.... indeed, we shall see. - In other news... let's see if the printer cable doesn't arrive today. Incompetent morons... can't get a little package from Albany to E-town in a day. “Can't”? Or “won't”? Fuktardz. But, 'tis the way of the world... similar to Mr. “500$ Golf Clubs Set” in the back. One wonders: Is the situation really “Huh”? Or Mr. “High Maint”? No matter. None of my business. - 6.58 How odd... all I've accomplished in “morning loo”... and an hour has passed. Well! THIS day is rolling along... along... along... Now... I want to go back to bed. The morning fogs are settling, the sky is clearing, the temperature is still in the teens. Yes... a “snooze”... perhaps. - 8.49 Another hour of snooze and the sun is brighter, I've done a little weeding in the kitchen garden as I had a smoke and.. honestly, I could go right back to snooze... but I shan't. What will I do instead? Don't know... but I'll surely find some-thing. - Mr. “Bakflat” is gone to work and Ms. Suzie's about to arrive so... on with... - 15.44 JUST PISSED A WHOLE FUCKING DAY AWAY!!!! FUCK! THE FUCKING NUMBER THAT DSS/SNAP HAS ON THEIR FUCKING RECORDS? 0417!!! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? SO... I'VE LEFT TWO MESSAGES AT TWO DIFFERENCE NUMBERS, SPOKE WITH A GUY WHO SOUNDED LIKE HE WAS HALF ASLEEP AND TRANSFERRED ME ON MY 2ND CALL. SO ***TOMORROW*** MIGHT BE THE INTERVIEW? NO TELLING. FUCKING IDIOTS. “TODAY IS MY 'INTERVIEW DAY SO YOU WON'T BE CALLED-BACK TODAY. YOU'LL BE CALLED TOMORROW.” SAYS THE FUCKING RECORDING. JEEZUS KRISTE! WELL? (And the fucking printer cable didn't come today either!) THINGS WENT TOO WELL YESTERDAY... WITH THE NEW REGISTRATION AND SUCH... NATURE STRIVES FOR “BALANCE” AND HERE IT IS: YESTERDAY GREAT? TODAY A FUCK. - Meanwhile, the new “CommunityVT” spread-sheet balances to a NEGATIVE... and I've been working on THAT shit ALL fucking day, as the sun shines, the breezes blow, the humidity is tolerable and I COULD have taken a little hike up the Roaring Brook to Giant! OH the fucking fucks! -
JUST STEPPED OUT TO THE FRONT PORCH FOR A SMOKE AND LITTLE Mr. HUMMIE COMES BY SO I PUT MY ARM OUT WITH HAND UP-TURNED, (CIGARETTE IN MY MOUTH) AND HE CAME OVER AND HOVERED NOT 6 INCHES FROM MY NOSE! JUST HOVERED THERE UNTIL I REACHED TO TAKE THE CIGARETTE OUT OF MY MOUTH... AND THEN HE WENT TO THE NEAREST FEEDER AND GOT COMFY THERE... RIGHT BESIDE ME! AS HE HOVERED, I SAID “WHAT? WHAT IS IT?” AND HE JUST BUZZED... HOVERING RIGHT WHERE HE WAS! NOW *** THAT *** JUST MADE MY DAY ALL WORTH THE GETTING UP AND OUT OF BED FOR *** AND *** UN-DID THE BILL-SHIT! WOW! JUST... OH MY GOD WOW!
Meanwhile, Mr. Dimwit's back in the flat... and “Ms.” didn't come by today. Never mind... - 181.12 Meal (same as last night's) done. - Had a chat with Julius who's not really “rushing” to leave the place. I MIGHT have convinced him to keep the place. We shall see. As he said: He'll be here for another 2 weeks any-way and will see how he feels about it then. He asked if he's been making too much noise and I made a point of telling him that I hear NOTHING over here. So? So... - Meanwhile... THE SPREAD-SHEETS FOR THE ACCOUNTS ARE DONE! NOW WITH RUNNING BALANCES! AT LAST! (Now I have to find some-thing ELSE to “occupy my time”?) - It's a beautiful evening out there. If I had the energy, I'd go for a walk to... I don't know where, or why or what- ever. I'm actually exhausted from the waiting for the SNAP call and the working on the spread-sheets and such. Looking forward to just going to bed... soon... enough. - 22.00 ON the mark! AND... I actually HAVE COMPLETED ALL of the Community spread-sheet INCLUDING having found the discrepancy AND BALANCED TO THE PENNY WITH-OUT “ADJUSTMENT”!!! ALL NEW! ALL IMPROVED! RUNING ACCOUNT! AND... I had NO intention of being up doing this shit at this hour but I'd made a licorice tea and well... NOW it's time to head to bed because there's NO telling IF/WHEN DSS will phone tomorrow (another wasted day... I see in my future... but I was only planning on going to the dump any-way). - And so... no “NightyNight”, no naproxen... let's see how it works out for the night. Nice and cool out there, I must to say. - One last smoke (to celebrate the spread-sheet) and DONE-FINISHED!
Thu.16.Jul: (*FS INTERVIEW DONE. PRINTER UP AND RUNNING. * HUMMING-BIRD RESCUE. *
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10.21 JUST OFF THE PHONE WITH JOANI? AT DSS! FS INTERVIEW DONE! AND... I'VE GOT A LITTLE HUMMIE IN THE LIVING-ROOM FOR THE PAST HOUR OR MORE! AND THE PRINTER CABLE HAS ARRIVED. AND... I'M SO TIRED! - 14.13 WELL! THAT WAS SOME KIND OF MORNING! THE LITTLE HUMMIE WAS ON THE “DIXIE BLANKET” IN A BOX ON THE FUTON THIS MORNING. I TRIED GIVING HIM SOME “NECTAR” EVERY 10-15 MINUTES BUT HIS LITTLE EYES WERE CLOSED AND HE DIDN'T WANT TO EAT! BUT... AT JUST ABOUT BEFORE 11.00, HE GOT ALL SORTS OF LIVELY, APPEARED TO TAKE A LITTLE BIT OF NECTAR AND SUDDENLY SPREAD HIS LITTLE WINGS AND HEADED FOR THE LIVING-ROOM CURTAINS! SO, I GOT HIM IN HAND AND Ms. SUZIE CAME A-KNOCKIN'. “I OTLD BECKY ABOUT THE BIRD AND SHE SAID THAT HER SISTER HAD ONE AND IT'S WINGS GOT INTO THE SUGAR-WATER IN THE FEEDER AND IT WEIGHED IT DOWN. SO THEY WASHED IT AND IT WAS FINE AGAIN.” MEANWHILE, I'L STANDING THERE IN THE DOOR, WITH THE SCREEN CLOSED, BIRD IN HAND. WELL! HUMMIE DECIDED IT WAS TIME TO “GET THE HELL OUT!” AND FLEW TO THE SCREEN. SO I OPENED THE DOOR AND OUT HE WENT, DIRECTLY TO THE FEEDER! AH... IT WAS A SIGHT TO BEHOLD BECAUSE THE OTHER HUMMIES CAME RUSHING TO SEE HIM! THEN, JEFF PULLS UP AND GETS ALL INTO THE SITUATION AND SUZIE LEFT AND JEFF STAYED TO CHAT ABOUT HOW HE'S FEEDING THE RAVENS. (And I asked about Julius and Jeff says he's staying to the end of the month but is serious about moving back in with “gradfadder” but Jeff told him that this in-and-out is finished and that there'll be no more girl-friends moving in so... we shall see how it all works out.) ANY-WAY, JEFF PULLS AWAY AND THE HUMMIES WERE BUZZING ALL OVER THE PLACE, BACK AND FORTH, UP AND DOWN, EVEN IN THE BACK-YARD! IT WAS AS IF THEY WERE ALL CELEBRATING THE “RETURN” OF THE LITTLE ONE! AND IT'S A BABY... NO “FEATHERS” TO SPEAK OF... A LOT OF “TUFT”. BUT HE'S SINCE JOINED THE FRACAS AND THEY WERE ALL BUZZING AND HOVERING AND HAVING A GRAND TIME OF IT.
So I rang Theresa to tell her the good news and only just now... the battery on her phone went dead as we were talking. - In the mean-while... I GOT THE PRINTER UP AND RUNNING... SO THAT'S WORKING NOW. (Now that I have nothing to print.) - And I've just put on a tea and am in need of a snooze. Tonight's “meal” will be a “spinach omelette”. There's spinach in the back garden and 4 eggs in the fridge. There's money on the FS but... I'm REALLY exhausted! It's still over-cast and comfy. But I'm just really too damned tired to deal with masks, and markets and general bull-shit. So? A snooze it is for a little bit. Hey! I do think I've worked for one. I'm just SO relieved that the FS interview got done AND the Hummie got rescued! - 18.08 and, of course, meal is done and the dishes are in the rack. I'd gone for a lie-down at about 15.05 and woke from this DREAM
Over-cast, just following a rain storm. The house I was in, a combination old farm-house and “Victorian”. Old-world kitchen, dark. Next door, Alvin's house (New Russia). I was working in the kitchen, preparing something and remembered, suddenly, that I had some-thing in the truck, parked out in the back-yard, so I went out to get it and happened to notice, off in the distance, across a VERY large back yard, the mountains (similar to Washingtonville/Monroe) that the leaves on the trees had begun turning RED! “Wow! THAT happened fast!” I thought. “And this early in the season? It's still supposed to be Summer! I HAVE to get a picture of this to send to -Theresa,Dorothy,Donna,Ev...-!” So I started back into the house, across the dirt drive which had a lot of puddles in it from the rain-storm. The mud was “red dirt” and I thought “Oh, red dirt. Monticello. Donna and Dorothy. I'll have to get a photo of this too.” and I began reminiscing about the grandest times Donna, Dorothy, Aunt Sis and I used to have. It became painful and I started to feel EXTREMELY HEAVY in my chest. Some-how, in the dream, I thought “I can't take this. I HAVE to wake up and get out of this dream!” and so I did. It was 16.25... I'd been napping for about an hour.
And so, I headed to the back garden to clip as much spinach as I could possibly get. It's already starting to bolt from all the heat lately. With much spinach, I came back in, shredded it, added 4 eggs and the left-over “onion pasta sauce”, sprinkled lots of cheese on and made an omelette. Not exactly filling but I'm sure it'll suffice. - Before lie-down, I rang Donna to tell her the latest on the hummie since I'd sent photos and asked for advice (which I never got, of course). “I LOVE that picture of the bird in the snow!” she said. (It was a picture of “Baby Buzz” on the “Dixie Blanket”! She's lost it... and, like most, doesn't pay any attention to much of any-thing.) Well, the conversation got round to the “good looking men” in the family and how she doesn't understand why I have a beard and then, suddenly, the dog started barking and she had to go. It's almost as if it's some kind of effort to talk with me so... I won't make a habit of calling. If/when she wants to talk... just as it is with her sister. - So, this day is winding-down. Sadly, I didn't get out to get bird seed and can't now because Walmarde closes at 20.30, Aubuchon's closes at 17.00. Tomorrow... I suppose. I'll have to get to the banque to get cash for Monday morning any-way, AND, although there's chicken in the freezer, some-thing for week-end meals. - One note: Nancy's taken to using the drive here as a cut-through from the Hill to the main. More reason to get the fuck out of here. Traffic at the kitchen window now? Not bad enough putting-up with the dust out front, now it's got to come in the kitchen and the back door too? Off we go... “BORDER TOWN” BOUND! FUKKIT! - 19.33 Well, a mug of hot water, a naproxen (because my chest feels better when I take it... probably the thinning quality) and off to bed we go! Rain tonight. More quite possible tomorrow. We shall see. Low of 16° tonight. BUT... Sunday... high of 32° (and a quick return to more sane temperatures shortly there-after). I'm almost “wasted”. Off to bed!
Fri.17.Jul: 5.37 And YES! I DID go right to bed last night, and by about 21.00 the lights DID go out AND I DID sleep through the night, with ONE exception: at mid-night when I woke to pee... and went right back to bed and back to sleep! AND I DID wake at about 3.00... and went right back to sleep, woke again at about 4.00... and went right back to sleep until moments before the 5.00 alarm. Woke at 5.00, out of bed at 5.04 and have made coffee, dressed, filed papers out of the way, put “things in order in the “drawing-room” and had my morning smoke, in the wet world out-side the doors, listening to the cacophony of the morning birds (out the BACK door this morning so as not to have the hummies zoom to the front porch... yet...). It was raining when I woke. It's stopped. But there's more to come in the forecast. Oh well. But all told, it's been quite the productive little bit of morning, this. - And now, time to get photos together for the Journal, post them on-line and move along. This morning's “priority” is Theresa's “illumination”. Later, a trip into town (how I DREAD that!) particularly for bird seed for the back feeder. And then? Well... the calendar is clear for the day... thus far. And tomorrow? Tomorrow... 1 year of being here. And the thought: It's taken an entire YEAR to actually “Return” to NY, with the truck and such. As of Monday, ALL about the truck will be “NY” and THAT is the LAST connection to ... “over there”. EVERY-THING will be “NY” again. An entire YEAR to settle back. Well? It's been a year... indeed it has. But here we are. (And a year later, looking for another place. But... there WAS, and still is, obviously, the thought that this was to have been the “re-establishment” point. A matter of getting back to NY and once back, the ability to move about with-in again. It has been, in a sense, about the same as moving to another country, with all the paper-work, dealing with “new” personalities and names, people, places, roads, routines. Shame, almost, that I didn't just make the jump to QC instead. But, with all matters of bull-shit considered, the “border” being “closed” because of this “flu”, THAT would have presented some-thing of a problem, one can suppose. Bad enough I'm thinking of how to get funds into the CIBC account (I might have to “buy” a book via Selz just to transfer the funds... but we'll see about that as time rolls). For the moment, it's things-immediate, and let the world roll as it will, as it will... as it will. - Must note this morning, that, having taken the naproxen before bed last night seems to lighten the chest. I do must have to wonder: that business of the blood “clumping”, the naproxen as a “thinner” and the alleviation of chest pressure, are these matters connected? Folks take script thinners or aspirin on a daily basis... even with all the warnings of “bleeding” here and there. Same as with naproxen. So, the “dangers” are the same or similar. Hey... if it works... it works. If it alleviates some of the “discomfort” may as well. There's a large bottle of naproxen in the cup-board. We shall learn as we go along. Indeed. - Now... on with the rest of... It's another morning... and another year has all but passed... and here we are... New Russia... New York. - 10.36 It became quiet a difficult moment here, this morning: the “heavy chest and light head” struck at about 8.00-ish and I was off to a “futon snooze” for what I'd planned to be about 30 minutes but got extended to an hour. Am a touch better now, but that was rather un-expected. Just in from gathering today's post. “Medicaid”... the local office has referred to the state now so I'll suppose I can expect delays, interrogations, difficulties, and a deduction for August from the Soc.Sec. So? A preliminary “budget” based on “insufficient income” to follow. Mean-while, having a tea in prep to town-toddle (rolling this morning, thankfully). I should get bird seed and I do need something for tonight's meal, neither of which I can really afford to throw about on the “cash available”. But we shall do what we always do: “Go for it and deal with the consequences”. At least the sun is shining a bit... for the moment and there's really no particular rush at present. - Must work on getting this all on-line... AND I just realised this morning... I CAN NOW TYPE AND PRINT QUITE THE ACTUAL “DNR/LIVING WILL”! CHARMING! Another little “some-thing” to “work on” during my “times of leisure”. - One note here that gives all the more incentive to get the fuck out of and away from here: Ms. Becky's been through the drive-way TWICE this morning. I'd swear she does this intentionally... to annoy. Well, success, Ms.Qunt. I'm seeking, in earnest. And as far as “damages caused”? Well, it would appear, at present, that Alden will lose his income from this house, and if there's ANY even slight truth to what he claims, he'll be losing or dispensing of the building because, according to him, the post office is his detriment... and that will be the ONLY presence here (if Julius leaves as well). Fine. No cares coming from this residence, to be sure. “Reciprocity of respect”... that's what I call it. - But for now, time to get me together a touch and head into the throngs. How I HATE going out, even more-so these days when the “Covidiots” are roaming about. Just a general fuckery. - 14.57 Was out the door by about 10.45 to head into town where... 1st stop... 1l Smirnoff and some MandR Vermouth (for the same price as a 1,75l Smirnoff), then to Aubuchon's for bird seed, a run through Tops for tonight and tomorrow's chicken, ice cream, cranberry juice, yoghurt and SPLURGE... PopTarts. A drive-through at the Cr.Union to take the 100 for Monday's truck visit to the doc. Across the street to the “Thrift” where some old thing on the porch WEARING A FUCKING MASK tells me “There are 6 people in there already. You have to wear a mask.” Oh fuck you! I had my bandana round my neck, dumbshit. THEN it tells me “You can either wait or...” I merely said NOTHING, shook my head and left. FUCK THAT! You're either open for business or you're not and obviously you're not so FUCK YOU! And so, to FamDoll for smokes and a chat with Casey and back to the “home” for PopTarts with peanut-butter and some yoghurt with a video on the evolution of the Earth for an hour. Off to prep the chicken... 2 for tonight, 2 for tomorrow... will cook “Cuban rice and black beans” to go with for both nights. Then, to “enter today's pillaging” onto all 3 spread-sheets (doing it on the phone is a fuck). And now, as the sun shines nicely, the breezes blow kindly and the humidity is tolerable... it's 15-fucking-00 and I don't want to start out to go any-where or do any-thing at all. So? So... probably another snooze. I just don't care because I just can't care. - 20.24 Listening to Québec music as I sit at the “drawing table” with windows open wide, the sun is beginning to set and there's a delightful breeze coming in. The on-line Journals are to-date with photos of truck and Hummies. It's time to shut this fucking day down! Tomorrow is, thankfully, Saturday... nothing on the agenda. I DO believe I'll have a v-ton (AND a naproxen... just for the shitz of it). - 20.34 Having my v-ton... might have two... don't know... don't care. My first sip: A toast... To Ms. Hallie (Mrs. You) and Mr. Minou (Mimou). I REALLY NEED to get back up to a “border town”. Always “some-thing”. Eh? Fuck. Really! Were I younger tonight, I'd have my v-ton(s) and get in the truck and go some-where... maybe up to the border. Were I younger... had I the energy... had I the necessary eye-sight... my eyes are SO fucked-up these days. I'd even be MORE tempted were the oil changed. Maybe that's why it all happens when it does... And this sense of responsibility is like a barbed, white-hot cattle prod up the rectum. Of course, listening to French music doesn't do much in the way of taking away the “heart-sickness”. And being in a place on “the main”... well... fuck. I suppose I could go down to the river, but with the sourness that's become this town... I just have to shake that. I DO like New Russia. I AM happy being back in New York. I AM THRILLED being in the Adirondacks. I NEED to shake the shit off. Some-thing to work on. Indeed. And, just as last year... there's nobody to talk with. Ah... how “Life” never changes... just never changes. - I'm feeling “heat”... must be the vodka. The breeze is still coming in through the window. I was just out for a smoke and a stroll round the house to check the volume of the music in the road. Fukkem, really. And there's 3 Hummies again... I have to wonder about “Baby Buzz”. I HOPE he survives and manages to join the “crew”. I'll be looking for him from now on... worried... of course. - Sèche tes pleurs. - OK... moving along... - 23.38 IT'S WRAP!
Sat.18.Jul: 9.13 and I'm only JUST getting to morning coffee... since I didn't get out of the bed until AFTER the 8.00 alarm sounded... and even then, I wasn't too thrilled about the entire affair. But coffee's at hand, and I've had a few drags off a morning smoke... IN the house, may I add, yes, thank you, you may, caller and do, please call again at your leisure. It happened when I looked out the front window to see the little “Post Hag” at the ramp... not “quite directly” in front of the door, but damned-well close enough. So, this morning, perhaps it's residue from last night's v-tons or just plain fed-the-fuck-up but, the rent cheque hasn't cleared and I'm in the set of mind where-by I'm just not going to put my-self out any further. No, I won't make it the “normal course” to have my morning (or other) smoke in the house, but this morning that's as it is. THIS EVENING AT 16.00 WILL RING-IN THE FIRST YEAR OF BEING BACK IN THE STATE IN WHICH I WAS BORN AND TO WHICH I'VE RETURNED TO DIE. Mr. “LAND-LORD” IS A “NEW ENGLANDER”, A PEOPLE FOR WHOM I'VE NOT EVEN THE SLIGHTEST TRACE OF RESPECT... AND HIS WORDS “I'll ask you NOT to police the post office.” RING O'ER AND O'ER AGAIN IN MY MIND, LIKE A PRODUCT JINGLE THAT GNAWS AT THE BRAIN BECAUSE OF ITS ABRASIVENESS. We couple that with the general bull-shit-and-fuckery of the “welcome”... “If you do that, he'll be evicting you right away!” and “Joan says you're peaking in her windows.” and “Don't touch those lilies, they've been there for years and are part of the place.” and the get-together with the “aunt” who was “nervous” about having “new people” around and yet, the delivery of a plate of food and the subsequent invite to meal and from since, the cold shoulder and drive-bys. You know? I've no time nor energy. It's now a year... let's just see if the rent cheque clears by Monday. If not, I'll ring to inquire. At this juncture, it means nothing to me at all. Should I die here, so be it. Should I be able to remove from here back to the “Border Towns”, so be that as well. The truck will have an inspection on Monday, oil change as well. We'll play it from that point forward. Other-wise... ALL is back in NY and *I*, a *BORN NEW YORKER* am “back” as well. - Thus is the word of this morning's scriptures. Now.. I need to refresh the nectar in the hummie-feeders, make a wash (in the basin, because I can and because I want to lay down in fresh linens tonight). There's art-work and a “DNR/LivingWill” a-waiting attentions. And this evening, martinis to be enjoyed... perhaps on the porch, with a smoke. (Shame it can't be a “Players” but... the border is closed - AGAIN - until 21 August! Jeezus Kriste Allfuckery.) - 9.26 Still typing and suddenly, an “episode”. I wonder what brought THAT on... or... I don't wonder.) - Forecast for the day? HOT! (Though tomorrow is expected to be worse.) Last year, as memory serves, was also quite hot... Oh well, at least this year I don't have 100 miles to roll along in it... at least there's that much. - 9.43 The morning's rolling by... thankfully. I was just reading last year's “notes” about the “arrival”. My, the times, how they've “a-changed”. But truly, the over-all (ah... the Post-Hag is just rolling down the 9, I was wondering and there it goes... round the bend... if only it would...) “sentiment du jour” then was “numb”. And today, a year later it's just about the very same. Not sure if it's ambiguity or apathy but there's no “charge” of any sort of emotion. (But there IS a trace of “episode” and I need to address that some-how... I mean... vodka, tonic AND a naproxen last night and THIS this morning? WTAF is going on here?) Moving along which is what I'm to do... It's just another day in the general scheme of things called “Creation”... all of which, one day, shall pass. - 12.52 The Hummie-feeders have been cleaned and re-filled, coffee is done and the press is washed, the bed-linens are in the basin to soak, the “paintings” on the living-room wall are re-re-re-positioned (this is the 2nd time in a year). The heat is coming along and I'm now feeling quite rather “not-well”. Today's post brought ANOTHER post card from the Census and ANOTHER offer for auto insurance from the credit union and that's all. Music of “the 60s” has been playing most of the morning and I've spoken with/to not a soul, and am not complaining. Also sent off a rather lengthy e-mail to Theresa about a video seen on the “creation of the Earth” and how, eventually, there'll be another “total extinction”, then another “Big Bang” and all this shit will re-re-commence. She didn't like the video and surely, the “science” of it competes with her “religious” beliefs. But any-way... the e-mail went along. - Oddly and strangely, I'm working along here, putting the house in order and such and there's this “vague mist”, for lack of better description, of some “finality” in it all, as if I'm putting affairs in order because I won't wake or be here tomorrow. I don't know. It could just be the booze and naproxen. It could be an actual premonition. There's really no telling for certain until it all comes to pass... and not that it'll make any difference at all. - Then there's the matter of today being the 18th and the rent cheque hasn't presented. Gee... am I ever prepped to hear “I think it would be best for all parties concerned...” Wouldn't come as any surprise to me at all in the least. It would be “typical”. But... the lilies have been “fed”, the place has been maintained better than ever before, to the best of my knowledge. So who benefits? Well, of course, the “owner” and the freaks who'll follow. That's the way it rolls... the way it's always rolled. And I'll be under pressure to find another place, last minute, take it as it is and deal with it. (Or... the “BDM” is still available and ready...) - Or maybe I'm just tired and the heat isn't making it any better. I don't know... can't care... can't give shit or fuck. - Well? Let's hope the linens can dry by tonight. Fucking shame I don't have a line on which to hang them. Another “fuck”. - 14.23 Well... a year ago now, I was traversing the North border of VT en route to NY... And right now, the bed linens are hanging to dry, the music of the 60s plays in the living-room and I'm about to take a snooze... It's hot, humid, and I'm running a gambit of apathy and disgust with the world, in general. Oh well... at least I leave behind the evidence that I kept to my-self, injured no-one, kept some-body else's property proper. And fuck-to-Hell the rest of them. “This too shall pass”... like last night's beans and prunes. - 16.39 Well... THE HOUR has come and gone... I was “saging” at 16.00, today's “meal” was in the oven (chicken and left-over rice with lots of butter, wrapped in foil-paper, in the same pan as the chicken... all in for the hour), and then, the bed got made. The other pillow-cases are on the bed, finishing their drying and the sheets are thrown on the rack on the back porch. Ah, to think: at this hour last year, I was still un-loading boxes of other-wise and mostly useless trinkets and the likes. Boxes were stacked about the place, no curtains on the windows (and certainly, no screen door on the front and no flowers on the porch, to be sure). It's miserably hot and humid today, just as it was last year. But today, “dinner” is in the oven, cooking, the kitchen table is “set” in prep for eating. There are juices, condiments and the likes in the fridge. There's vodka, ice cream and chicken in the freezer. And I'm sitting at a “table” (make-shift as it may be), windows open, a slight breeze blowing in and looking across the road to the “park” and down the “9” to the tree-packed turn in the road. The humming-birds are coming and going on the front porch. Much has changed from since a year ago. - The “negative” of this day? WOW! I'm sweating from just strolling about, and feeling ever-so “light-headed”, almost “weak”, drained. “Some-thing” is just not “correct” at the moment. There's a sense of “removal”... “departure”. I truly am running-down, moments passing quicker for this old body. But I'm not going to “do” any-thing about it. There's no sense, and I don't have any inspiration to stop, slow or change any of this. At least the house is in order. I don't give a shit other-wise. And I've had only 3 smokes all day. How about THAT? - Earlier today, sitting on the front porch, having one of few smokes, I thought: I still have some sort of reservations about dying. I can't logically or rationally justify any of them. It won't make any difference when it's done and what transpires after my “departure” will be as it always is for any and every-body else: My carcass will be removed as well as the items in this house; some-body else will move in and... that's that. (The previous “Big Bang” that brought this world into existence will repeat... and repeat... and eventually... won't... or will... “Word with-out end, amen”.) The “secret” is as that quote I some-what recall from many years ago some-where: “When you neither fear nor welcome death, only then will you begin to live.” I still have too much “fear” and too much “welcome” I suppose. A little some-thing to work on here. Meanwhile.... here I am, stuck in this “almost but not quite there” state, head spinning, heart palpitating in irregular rhythms, feeling the blood circulating through my veins (truly... I actually have the sense of it as I type). - Well? It's been a year... imagine. - I'd just really like to get the truck inspected, it would be nice to be able to put the “New” plates on it and enjoy, at least, being able to take a photo of it. The “final” detail of the return. But it would certainly be my “normal fate” to hit is just short. Oh well; why should any-thing change? Beat me into the ground up to the very last blip of a heart-beat. - And Alvin is coming up the road on his little “walk”. Earlier, he was out watering the black-eyed Susans in “the park” and then, at the house, Vivian was “snapping” at him for some-thing. People. Really. - OK. Time to get food to the table. 17.00... last year the truck was, I believe, parked in the back by now and this house was a “store-room” of boxes... and I was opening the “bed”... on the floor. That was my “home furnishings”. Tonight, the bed is on a frame, the linens are fresh, there's a lovely fan in the window and there will be dishes to wash... following an actual “meal”. (Last year was breakfast cereal as I've read earlier today.) And Andy Williams sings “And I think I'm gonna love you for a long, long time...” Ah... driving along the 208 in mother's Olds wagon, 8-track playing, en route to G's... heart-sick ... and so looking forward to seeing Denis. Now a CERTAINLY LOT has changed over THOSE years. And yet, some remains the same. I'm such an idiot. - 18.12 Meal is done... I couldn't eat all of it so there's another meal in the fridge. I just got SO ill-at-ease as I ate. I did manage most of it, but no ice cream after. Still, the washing-up is done, the kitchen is back to as if it never happened and I've had a smoke. - The bed-sheets are actually dry enough to fold but I'm leaving them out there a little while longer. I believe I'll have another snooze now and then... there's still the DNR to work. Other than that... nothing, really, and I don't (can't) much care. It's hot, humid and I'm tired and “light”. - 23.02 Just had the smallest martini I believe has ever been made: ,5oz Vermouth, 1oz vodka. I can't have more... with this “situation” of “episodes” today. And anyway now, look at the bloody time! I've been watching 1-hour cuts of “Have I Got News For You”... so NOW... I'm off to have a smoke, a shower and get to bed... and try for a bit of reading as well... HAH! - So much for the “1st Anniversary”... let's see where next year has us...
Sun.19.Jul: 7.15 Had a delightful read of one O.Henry last night before lights out at mid-night and woke at about 5.00-something and decided to sleep-in. Woke again at about 6.00-something and here I am, dressed, coffee, in from a half-smoke, and under-things in the basin, on the soak. And last night... slept through the entire night. Charming. - Noticed, before going off to bed, a flat in Rouses Point for 650 or so. But it's in that “off-street” white building along the Lake St. Not a “bad” place, particularly, but not “exactly” to my liking. And, like here, there's no cup-board space in the small kitchen. Not to mention, out-side, there's a parking-lot, as it were... no “lawn” again. 'twould be nice to get to Rouses Point, but not at that rent for that sort of place. I'd like a bit of lawn, if possible. But if the rent cheque for here hasn't presented tomorrow, I'll ring to inquire and play that much from that point. I'm not sure if there's a bit of a “game” being played here as the previous cheques have presented by mid-month. We're teetering o'er the “mid”. Anyway.. we shall see what comes. I'm now pondering between “border” and farther into the mountains. I DO have choices, the mountains and the possibility of something ever more remote it more attractive. The lake, how-ever, is tempting. As I say, something to ponder... at present. - It's rather cool out there thus far. Forecast is for brutal 30s at some point. I'll enjoy the coolness whilst it's with. As for “agenda”... a bit of washing and then... to be seen. “DNR” and “illumination” await at any case. - Oh... and today, Joe, the youngest of the brood, is 55. Ah... “that' age. Imagine. This morning I thought: Your “beloved” father rotted his brain out and the bit that vanished was his memory of you three as his “children”. And I've no desire to have any particular affiliation with the lot of you. Your mother died at an early age, father mentally disowned you and your eldest sibling wants nothing to do with you (truly, I'm quite content with it this way), and there you are, the three of you, with-in proximity of each-one-and-another... You've got yourselves. Be well. - And there are the “thoughts” of a new day. And I venture into the 2nd year here.. with thoughts of another departure... moving along... IF I even manage to make it well-enough into the 2nd year. - Tonight will have to be an early (or, for me, a “proper”) night to bed. Tomorrow morning, up and out and up the road... and the anxieties of the truck passing “inspection”. Well, at least the brakes are good (or, at least, they'd better be). - 11.40 WELL! THE DNR IS NOW FORMALLY PRINTED AND RE-AFFIXED TO THE FRIDGE. “PRINTED”, SIGNED, SEALED, DONE. *** AND *** AS I AFFIXED, I NOTICED A NOTICE (envelope) ON THE FRONT SCREEN DOOR, ADDRESSED SIMPLY “Jude” (in pencil... I can re-use the envelope or return to poster), “NELL WILL BE TURNING 78” reads the notice, and a gathering will be held on the after-noon of 1 August at 14-17.00 to “RAISE A GLASS”. (I have to wonder if the invitation has been extended simply because I have a full view of said “NEW RUSSIA LAWN”.) Alas and oh well. How... “charming”... or what-ever. - Meanwhile, I'm relieved to have a clearly-printed “DNR/LIVING WILL” ready and such. - In other news, there's a delightful e-mail from a “Bushey” (VT!) letting me know that they have an apartment, “off Route 11” coming available. I'm thinking that I should give it a look. IF the rent for July is accepted, that would pay me through the month of August. I could, with some difficulty, put down a month's rent to hold until September. Like-wise, the consideration of the place in Rouses Point (which I'm not particularly excited about but shouldn't really pass an opportunity to have a “look-see”). I could, I suppose, see both on the same day, at some date after tomorrow morning. I shall consider, with care, all options. - The sun is “brilliant” now and the HEAT is living up to its threat. I did a little “weeding” in the “kitchen garden” this morning, and the lavage is on the rack in the sun, on the back walk. Going out-side at the moment is some-what un-likely. I've thought about making that chair... but... it's about the heat. (I'd rather have a snooze... to pass the time but there's just a bit more I need to “file”, clean my mess and there's the “illumination” as well.) - So, Sunday rolls along. - 20.14 Winding-down! And although most of the day has been a “bust”... I suppose... I DID get the “basic” print for Theresa's illumination done... and, with a FUCKING HELL OF A LOT OF FUCKING ADJUSTMENTS, GOT IT PRINTED ON PAPER AND... GOT THE HEBREW TO VELLUM!!! BUT... my eyes are SO BAD that even TWO pairs of glasses don't give me enough clarity any longer. So I'll just have to put it all aside for tonight and do the colours tomorrow... which is fine, because I've decided to do colour and print on one sheet, for the “brilliance” and “depth of it. It just won't work on 2 sheets. But that's fine and OKIE-dokie. - Other-wise, it was a calm, quiet, solo day. No callings-out, none in. This evening, I got to trim the geraniums, weed a bit more in the kitchen garden, water mine and “theirs” (though I can't imagine why I bother since it's obvious “he's” not paying it much attention... though, one would think, since he has the “lizard” he'd attend the veggies. Oh well... none of my business, none of my concern, not my circus, not my monkeys. - I'm having a “proper martini” just now, with the box fan blowing on my legs. It's about 28° in the bed-rooom. THAT fan's on “High”... for all that's worth, until I get out of the shower which is where I'm going as soon as the martini's done. - Early running tomorrow morning... Baby's going to the doctor and (YES!) coming home “Fully New York” at last! Meanwhile... time to un-wind (hah) and get ready for shower and bed. - It's SO fucking HOT again tonight! - From last year, today:
“THAT reminds me... I put the humming-bird feeder up on the front porch. I wonder if I'll ever see any humming birds here. Only one way to find out...I need sheets for the windows, dish rack for the dishes, a clothes-drying rack... and stuff.”
And the reference to the HEAT... yes, I DO recall that... it was BRUTAL... much the same as today and yesterday. - Time to finish this martini and get to BED! - 21.03 Martini done and off to the shower and then to O.Henry!
Mon.20.Jul:
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Tue.21.Jul: 6.38 and it's another quite glorious morning, with heavy clouds rising from the Keene Valley to the West, the sun rising brilliantly to the East and I'm exhausted after a night of... contractions in the feet. Alas, indeed, I spent the day walking about, exercising and of course, thought it might help with the chest situation, the feet/legs MUST compensate for any feeling of “well-being”. Lights went out, last night, by about 22.23 (I remembered the hour by 10-2-3 which rings of “10 to 3”, as it were. Cute.) By 23.15, the contractions began and came at intervals until the last hour I recall seeing on the clock was something round-about 1.30-ish this morning. I put the “heavier” socks on and fell off into an exhausted sleep until the 5.00 alarm which I shut-off and returned to sleep until about 6.00-ish. Well? Coffee's made and here and I'm in from a half-smoke on the porch, dressed, of course, thrilled to “be here” and, well, looking forward to filling the hours until the dump opens and the jolly-jaunt of many miles to get there and back today. - I'm “concerned” that the rent cheque for July hasn't been presented for payment. And I've replied to the 2 responses to my post on Crgslst. One at 750, inclusive, Champlain and another for 550 in Rouses Point. Let's see how they turn out. Hey! If some cozy little place turns up in the searching... I see no reason why I shouldn't remove from here. I'll miss the “drawing room” but, until such time when I can buy a bit of land, afford to build there-upon... and, besides... it ain't all that long a stay. - So there's the thoughts of this morning. Now to get to coffee, the usual run through of what-evers, work on the illumination now that there's metallics until the trip to the dump, after which... what-the-fuck-ever. Oh yes... and have a nice day... fuck. - 14.11 THE COLOUR IS ON THERESA'S ILLUMINATION! Worked it, with care, e'en to the black details, all morning-into-now. - The dump is open until 20.00 (according to the web-site) so I've time for a tea and... (no) sympathy. - 14.28 It's just barely in the bag, ready to be “stickered”. - MEAN-WHILE... I LOOKED ON-LINE, FOR INFO ON THE “FAIL” ON THE INSPECTION AND INDEED... IT'S A MATTER OF DRIVING. SEEMS, BECAUSE THE BATTERY WENT DEAD FOR SO LONG AND HAD TO BE REPLACED, THE “COMPUTER” RE-SET ITSELF. (BLOODY SHIT, COMPUTERS.) SO YES, I NEED TO DRIVE A DISTANCE, FOR A TIME, AT NOT LESS THAN 55mph ANY-WHERE BETWEEN 3 AND 10 TIMES TO RE-RE-SET IT. So yesterday's Plattsburgh trip, today's “Northway” to Lewis (how stupid... and a waste of gas) should do it. - *** AND... as I was working on the “illumination”, I happened to see “Avery” pass... SURE AS SHIT IN THE MORNING TOILET... THE FUCKER SHOWED-UP AND FILLED THE TANK A-FUCKING-GAIN!!! ANOTHER 35$ OFF THE FUCKING BUDGET! I'M FUCKING AT WITS' END WITH THESE RETARDS! Thankfully, tomorrow is “pay-day”, but... OH! NYSEG? 1685,83 INSTEAD OF THE 170 AND, “BUDGET” IS 82/MONTH AND THIS MONTH'S USAGE? 32$! I'LL BE FUCKING OVER-PAYING FOR QUITE THE FUCKING WHILE! I SHOULD SO VERY MUCH LIKE TO FUCKING VOMIT! - But there we have it. -
***** OF NOTE: THE RENT CHEQUE FOR JULY STILL HASN'T BEEN PRESENTED. I'D LIKE TO KNOW WHAT KIND OF FUCKING GAMES THIS SHIT-BAG'S PULLLING. I DO MY BEST TO MAKE SURE THE PAYMENT IS THERE ON TIME IF NOT EARLY AND THIS SHIT? If it doesn't present by today's “close”, I'll be on the horn, as it were, tomorrow. I DON'T SUSPECT ANY GOOD COMING FROM THIS. (So I'll definitely be going to see those “Border-Town Flats”) FUCK!
Hey, NOBODY can say, with any honesty at all, that I haven't been an “exquisite” tenant. (Of course, they'll say as they damned-well please but...) - Moving along... and moving along... - 22.07 WAY BEYOND BED-TIME! BUT... I spoke with Alden this evening, for quite the while. He HAS received the cheque and I told him the next one will be in the post tomorrow. (I've also done the “Budget”... not HORRIFIC... not GRAND... I've survived on less... FUCK ME! I'VE SURVIVED ON NOTHING! But ALL the bills will be paid tomorrow and there will be precious little left, but... as always, I'll “survive”. Any-way, the chat with Alden was most pleasant (and I've still got a potential “seeing” of the flat in Champlain, possibly Thursday so...). The flat in Rouses Point is dead. The idiot won't even show it unless I submit an “application”. I replied that I do not “apply” for anything I've never seen. Fuck that shit! Give my particulars and I've NO idea WHAT the fuck is being offered? Oh well... I wish her the best of luck. (Sadly, she couldn't hear the snark.) - AND... I spoke with Ev this evening. Lois has told her to consider Wintering at the lake. She's (Ev) not looking forward to such an event, but does believe she'll be there into October. Personally, I believe she'll be safer; perhaps not “healthier”, because she does prefer the city, but with things as they are in NY, she'll be safer. That chat was ever-so pleasant as well. - NEXT! A chat with Donna! SHE rang whilst I was on the line with Alden so I rang her back. We talked about vehicles (her mechanic tells her the same thing about “driving them” on open road for distances and at speed so...), and critters, and we had grand laughs. Another happy chatting. - As for “meal”... franks on bread then ice cream... started just after 17.00 and of course, done by 18.00. “Enough”. No healthy. Not “filling”. But “enough”. - And I've had a genuine-sized martini, in the “martini” glass as I put the finishing “metalics” on Theresa's work. It's quite nice. I managed a coat of matte “enamel” that I have before the metalics. Now it'll have to dry and I'll see about framing and shipping. - The rent cheque is in the envelope for tomorrow. Because Alden mentioned being here “to see your last years out”, I jotted a thank you “for making a young kids dream of 46 a reality” and a “please take excellent care of you” and “looking forward to seeing you on the front porch in New Russia... SOON.” Keeping it all... as it should be. - When I got back this evening, chatted with Julius who is “seeing” a gal... from fucking Rutland. We chatted about VT and folks there-from. I was kind, but he asked me NOT to mention it to his “granfadder”. I took the opportunity to point-out the benefit of having his own place with the “new” stuff. We shall see. I mentioned looking at places on the border but stressed that I'm in no particular rush. We shall see how that plays out. - Meanwhile, it's time to wrap the day. No shower necessary tonight. It's been a cool day and it's a cool night. (And it's late.) - I'm not going to bother with soc.med. before sleep but I WILL take a naproxen. NOT another night like last night. - Tomorrow? Bill-paying, a trip to smokes... I'll ring Richie and see if he has a moment to “plug the truck in and I'll roll a mile up the road via the Northway... just for good measure. HOPEFULLY all this driving will have re-set the shit. We shall see. - All told, not a half-bad day. (One of these days I have to get up the mountains!)
ACID REFLUX! Wed.22.Jul.: 6.28 THAT woke me up out of a sound sleep just about an hour after I'd gone to sleep! WELL! But, no “contractions” so I suppose... But it burned my oesophagus rather nastily... for the while. Then? Back to sleep until the 5.00 alarm, which I turned off, set another for 7.00 and... woke at 6.00 on my own. Lights didn't go out until about mid-night, because I didn't get into bed until 23.00. Oh well... I suppose we shall see how this day progresses. Inspection? I doubt it. But a run into town for smokes, to be sure. - Now... It's time to check the chequing and if possible, pay the bills. Ah... the morning... and it's over-cast and the thermo on the window fan reads 68°F and I'm feeling “clammy”. Hmm... Also, pre-occupied with the “plaques in the carotid” and the mention of “stroke”. Always some-thing to “ponder” in a day. One to “take me out” is one thing... One that puts me as a babbling idiot, dependent upon others for every-thing? No. But, as my existence has gone... “You can't always get what you want...” la-la-la. Fuck. - OK. Bonjour. Time to get “just moving. - 12.32 FUCK ME! At about 10.45, got in the truck to take it for another “jaunt”, “into town”... got to the Split Rock and... *** BLOODY CHECK ENGINE” LIGHT COMES ON! SO... I simply turned the truck round, headed directly to FamDoll for much-needed smokes and OFF TO RICHIE! Ben checks. “Air-Flow” what-ever! So he turns the light off and Richie says “Put a can of “Sea Foam” in it. I put it in my truck about twice a year.” and he explains how it “cleans” every-thing. FINE! FUCK! Back into town to get the 9$ can of Sea-Fucking-Foam. Ah... but the TRUE FUCK-WITH-A-CATTLE-PROD? ALL THE OTHER FUCKING LIGHTS AND SENORS ARE PERFECT! HAD IT NOT BEEN FOR THE FUCKING “CHECK-THE-FUCKING-ENGINE” LIGHT... I WOULD HAVE HAD A PERFECT INSPECTION THIS MORNING! JEEZUS KRISTE! So now... I have to put the shit in the tank and drive another 3 days to work it through and HOPE that it doesn't fuck some-thing else up! BACK to the garage on Friday! - Meanwhile... Bill-paying this morning? The rent cheque went out, NYSEG got paid, the transfer from the “VT” to the “NY” account for the loan is done... Fucking Spectrum won't take my usual payment! AND... I did the bloody-fucking “up-date” for the “virus” shit on the lap-top and the keys to the left are sticking as they do when I “up-date”. Oh, jolly fuck me! I'm exhausted again already... and I had a 45-minute “snooze” already this morning. “One of these mornings, I'm gonna rise up singing. Then I spread my wings, and take to the skies.... Until that morning...” the bull-shit will continue to fall... and blow into my face. Amen. - I'm tired. - But... looks like it's just the finishing touches on Theresa's illumination and it'll be off in the post... haste. I'll feel much better when that gets to her. Okie-dokie. - 19.21
THERESA'S ILLUMINATION IS PACKED AND READY TO POST IN TOMORROW'S “OUT-GOING”! A reason to live through the night and wake, ambulatory, tomorrow morning!
AND... I'll be insuring it... - (19.43 Spectrum is paid... on-line... confirmation number recorded. BILLS, for now, are PAID!) - And so... earlier this evening, a car with Illinois plates (MUST TELL THERESA) pulls into the parking lot, kids, shirtless, get out and make to the pee-oh, posing in front of the little shed with the “Welcome” sign on it. I was just out for a smoke. Well! The “elder” (father, I suppose) comes over to say that the kids are “half Russian” and then goes on to say that he used to swim at Split Rock... 30 years ago. We chatted about “things” and the absence of actual Russians, ever. I mentioned my little signs and he took photos. A good time was had by all... what-ever. - Anyway... so I'm content at the moment. The rent cheque is out, today's bills are paid, including the electric and gas. Meal, franks again, done and washing-up too. Theresa's package is going to cost almost 30$! Fucking postal service, and it won't get there before Monday! Fucking lazy shits. But... - And on that note... the hour of “wind-down” approaches at 19.55. Tah-fucking-dah. - Oh... a replacement for the “Mass Air Flow” shit can run from 50-200$! A can of “cleaner” and about 20 minutes of not-so-difficult work... 10$. I'm off to NAPA again tomorrow! (For the cleaner.) We'll see how it all turns out tomorrow. If the “Check Engine Light” is off, I just MIGHT stop at Richie's... and if so, see if I can't get that fucking inspection done RIGHT AWAY! We shall see... I don't expect “special blessings”. - 22.04 Martini done. Some texting with Dorothy. (Chatted with Donna earlier too!) And now... last smoke, quick shower, to BED! Nothing really on the agenda tomorrow except to get that “Mass Air Flow” cleaner. But it's supposed to rain so... I'll get it but will have to wait, I suppose. Oh well... we shall see. - Post Theresa's art too. - But now... Martini and naproxen... and time for seepie-nigh-night. -
Thu.23.Jul: 6.18 DREAM We'd been living under absolute terror, oppression, threats of murder-at-random for the very longest time. The pressure of the Hellish terror was literally palpable to the point of constantly being unable to breathe openly and freely. At any moment, any one or 100s of them would, could and had just suddenly appeared to brutally slaughter, in the streets, in homes, stores, any one or more that they happened to cross paths with, similar to army ants. They'd come in, slash any random person or persons of any age, and then retreat, in screaming, howling, yelling masses. And all the while, radios broadcast, at horribly high volume, the same instrumental rift from some obscure, slightly off-key, dissonant “country-style” song. Over and over and over, it repeated, repeated, repeated, heard in the streets, the shops, the houses, every-where, constantly, to the point of insanity. We were some-where, on the street or in a house or flat, where we were exactly, was so very ambiguous, just having managed to have made it out to the shop and back again, looking out into what could only be described as a “filthy, dirty, “night” sky. The masses were howling, in the distance and in the streets below when, on every radio, the “song” came to an end and instead of beginning again, as it always had done before, for so, SO very long... it just stopped... and as it did, so too, the howling, the screaming, the yelling. EVERY sound just suddenly stopped at the very same moment the last note of that horrible tune ended... and it ALL went completely, utterly and absolutely silent. And in the distance, we could see the silhouette, the black out-line of the sharp, eerie, almost castle-like building where “they” holed-up. Behind it, almost at a horizon of sorts, a yellowish-orange “glow” seemed to just “hang” below the sickeningly grey-black sky. The structure itself had no particular detail of its own, so black and dark was it, except for one, small window in which there was the very same “glow” as in the sky behind it. Just the one window, the only light to be seen any-where. We just stood, looking out at the scene, nobody spoke, but the very energy in the air settled, the constant tension and stress retreated, but in our silence, it was a common thought: “What had happened? The music stopped being broadcast. There was an absolute stillness to every-thing. Had they ALL just died? Were they all in there, in that castle-fortress, dead? Had they finally killed themselves, each-other, one-another off in their murderous frenzy?” It was so very much like looking at a massive hornets' nest that had been sprayed, and wondering if every last evil, angry insect in it was, at last, killed. And although we were relieved in the silence, the stillness, the peace, there was the god-awful fear that they were re-grouping, preparing for another massive onslaught of murder, that this was a moment given to us so that we'd let our guard down... and so, we, in the room/house/flat, where-ever it was that we were, stood frozen, petrified, waiting... waiting... waiting, and the only “sound” was in our heads... wondering... still in fear. And... I woke, slowly, as in the dream, I stared out at that “fortress”.
There was another, strangely brief, “dreamlette” some-where in the moments of waking (or trying to wake): I was in the kitchen, getting morning coffee together when I glanced out the window and noticed something “odd” about the little garden there... so I stepped out onto the back porch to find that one tomato plant, the one with the most tomatoes on it (presently, in reality) was COMPLETELY GONE! IT HAD BEEN REMOVED FROM THE GARDEN WITH-OUT A TRACE OF IT EVER HAVING BEEN THERE! I WAS SO PISSED! And in the dream, I thought “You're drifting back to sleep! This is a dream! WAKE UP NOW!” And that's when I actually DID wake and get out of bed.
What a fucking way to start a day! - And the lights went out at about 23.30 last night. I woke once, at almost 24.25, briefly, for no apparent reason, and then once again at about an hour later and then, went back to sleep until almost 6.00. I don't recall having heard the 5.00 alarm, but checking the “phone/clock” I must have just slept through it because it had run its own course. (Maybe that was the annoying “country” tune I heard in the dream?) But, over-all, I slept through the night with-out “contractions”. That combination of vodka and naproxen is a miracle! (Horrors to the liver, I've no doubt, but a blessing for a night of sleep. Every “cure” and “treatment” comes with “untoward effects”.... How well I recall learning about those at “Wingdale”.) But I slept... and must have done rather heavily because the congestion was thick and heavy this morning. But... I'm up, dressed, coffee, smoke, and “clearing” the passages. Just another morning. - It's “warm” out there, and damp, and humid. The roads are wet, the “mist” is disappearing. There's “orages” in the forecast with high of 25. I'm just waiting for “E-town to open” so I can get that “Mass Air Flow” shit cleaner and a roll of packing tape (I've decided to wrap Theresa's box and try for regular 1st Class instead of the over-priced “Priority” which will take just as long as 1st Class... and the 10$ for extra insurance.) Anyway, it'll be good to see whether or not that “Check Engine” light comes back on, even it I won't get to the “MAF” thing until tomorrow when weather should be better. And then... see about getting back to Richie to FINALLY get the fucking inspection done with! Ah... the LAST item on the entire list! - Oh well... time to have coffee as the rest of the world gets its shit together. - 10.58 ILLUMINATION POSTED... “1st CLASS/PRIORITY, INSURED FOR 500$ AND OFF TO THERESA! WHAT A RELIEF! - Meanwhile, I was out the door by shortly after 9.00, to NAPA for the “Air Flow Sensor” cleaner, 2 rolls of mailing tape and back in as the rains fell. Quite the moving morning. - ALSO, RECEIVED A TEXT FROM “CARRIE” ABOUT THE 750$ PLACE IN CHAMPLAIN! EVER SO NICE OF THEM. I'll hope I can make a trip up to see it next week... WITH A COMPLETE INSPECTION ON THE TRUCK AND ALL THINGS WORKING WELL! - I'm just waiting to see if weather will permit tinkering with the truck today, clean that “sensor” and get on the road! (Though, this morning, all was running quite well.) And should I go to Champlain, there's my “trip to run the Sea Foam through”. Ah... keeping the old truck tidy. Probably a LOT more than had been done for the poor thing for a great too many years. - I'm almost exhausted from all this “nothing” this morning, but it feels good to have been active for a change. - The MOST important thing: The illumination is en route... and I've sent the tracking numbers to Theresa via text already. So... there we have it. - Bills paid. Parcel posted. Apartment correspondence attended. And 175$ left to my name for the next 5 weeks. Alas. - Oh, had a slight “altercation” in FamDoll when some old shit, standing a good 3 metres from me commented “If you're gonna wear that (mask/bandana) that way, you might as well not wear it at all!” So, no longer holding MY tongue, I replied “Look, you're wearing your mask and that should be protecting you. This is MY life, MY choice. I haven't managed 65 years on this Earth to be treated like some-body else's child. You mind YOUR business and I'll mind mine. It really is too fucking early in the day to start putting-up with this shit.” Casey let it ride in stride and the old shit just shut-the-fuck-up... thankfully... for ALL concerned! - 21.31 Another day... and I'm having a “martini” in a “rocks” glass... going to try no naproxen tonight. Casey says her Mum went into hospital for stomach bleed... they blame “Aleve”. So... I'll try to cut back a touch. Every other night... or so. - Meanwhile, Theresa's replied to my sending her the tracking numbers. She had an MRI today. I haven't responded yet... for some reason, just can't get into it all. And just moments ago, a message from Dorothy about how “busy” her day was today and will “try to hit you up tomorrow”... I'll be tossing that one aside. - Just saw that tomorrow will be sunny and fairly comfy (though warm). Great! I'll either try to get the Inspection in the morning or I'll just go for the “cleaning” of that “Sensor” and then go for the inspection. What-ever... but the cleaning will be done tomorrow. Hopefully I won't need a new air filtre too, but if I do... at least I can afford one... at the moment. (There's 5 weeks until the next income and THAT MIGHT be reduced! FUCK ME!) - Well? Because of a HFO 10z today, thankfully, time for a quick shower and to BED! - It's comforting to know that the bills are PAID for the month. (Next month, I foresee MAJOR *AUSTERITY*!)
Fri.24.Jul: 5.03 At 4.30, I woke, from a full night's sleep, having put the lights out at 23.00 last night, with a terrible itch in the left eye, as if there was some sort of grain in there. And as I tried to stop the itch, or tear enough to flush the eye, I had to pee. So I got up to pee, and to check the eye... and to put the kettle on, put the clench-guard in to soak in some vinegar... then to dress, then to have a coffee, then to have a smoke and now to sit and open the day here on this Journal. Why? Why at 4.30? Because... fuck you... or... because... fuck me. And here I am, dressed, at the “droring” table (as O.Henry so eloquently wrote the word in one of the “100 Selected Stories” that I'm not even half the way through as of yet), typing this. The sun's not up. The sky isn't even hinting at such a thing as “sun-rise”. The birds are all chirping though so there's that. - I'd like to make a tiny note, because it strikes me as rather odd... though it has happened, though rarely, over the years: Last night, as I was trying to drift off to sleep, there was a “pang”... that “sudden awareness” of being in this house, this hamlet, these mountains, here, in “life” (as it's often referred to)... alone. There was, for a moment, this perfectly clear realisation that there was nobody in the next room, nobody in the same room, nobody under “my” roof, and nobody coming to be here, and nobody that I'd actually want to go to visit... to be with. Ev, in CT? No... For all the “civility” of our phone chats and the passing “invitations” of “If you ever find yourself in...”, I can't say that I felt even remotely too awfully “welcome” 2 years ago when I DID visit... in CT. Denis? Certainly not. Just the complete cessation of communications with him over the past 2 years has made it more than abundantly clear: there's no particular “welcome” there, in spite of the “voice message” I have recorded of him almost demanding “Marry me!” And during this week-passed, I happened to “look-up”, as it were, John... Yavonditte, and the closest I can come to the one who “might” be him, is in Rochester, which is quite the drive for a “drop-in” after what? 30-40 years? I should think not. And there's nobody in Albany... Those I knew “back then” have moved along... even Mary, though, from what I see, she's still in Barneveld... I don't believe I should DARE! After all, she was “Liz's” chum in college days and I've my doubts that a visit from me, considering the “terms” with Liz, wouldn't be a cause for “joy and celebration”. Montréal is completely out; the border closed until 21 August (at last notice), not to mention who? Certainly not Viv, nor George and Anna... So... nobody in the next room and surely nobody to put-out to go and spend any time with. And for some reason or another, last night, it actually gave me a “pang”, as it were, of actual “loneliness” to the point where I literally had to force it out of mind. AND, just this morning, sitting on the porch, having my morning smoke, for the briefest of fleeting moments... again. The silence that is this place suddenly, briefly became a bit of a horror. - But oh well... that too has passed. And now, 'tis time for actual coffee and other shit-du-jour. Hopefully the weather will co-operate and I'll have the balls to get out there and clean the “MAF” and, if necessary, the air filtre in the truck. I probably should go get another of those before getting “under the hood”. A call to NAPA... when they're open. I've got time. - Meanwhile, it was, in fact, a night of full sleep-through... and only a martini. Good news. Let's see what tonight brings... if there's a “tonight”. For now... time to move along. There's 9 pages here to be posted to the servers (hah). And surely, there'll be some-thing else, some-thing aggravating, to come along before sun-set. Off we go then! - 11.17 THE NEW REGISTRATION WITH THE NEW PLATE NUMBER ARRIVED... THE STICKER... NOT THE PLATES! JEEZUS! NO TELLING WHAT THIS STATE IS DOING! *** AND MEDICAID? THE STATE DOESN'T KNOW THE STATUS, I “CHATTED” WITH “HENRY” WHO TOLD ME I HAVE TO PHONE. I'm going out to clean the “sensor”. - 12.39 MAF IS CLEANED! FUCKING PAIN IN THE ARSE, “DICK” (as was said on a video), AND FINGERS. THE FILTRE IS CLEAN BUT THAT LITTLE “CATCH” HAD BITS OF CHIPS AND CONES AND SHIT SO... OUT CAME THE HOOVER! AND, OF COURSE, IT COULDN'T GO PERFECTLY WELL... I'VE LOST THE LITTLE GREY “LOCK CLIP” FOR THE “ELECTRIC CONNECTION” SO... I'll be looking for one of those now. Let's see about the fucking INSPECTION now... FUCK! - 12.58 ***** MEDIDCAID UP-DATE! JUST OFF THE LINE WITH “MICHELLE” (I believe... I could hardly hear her... so soft-spoken)... MEDICAID WILL PICK-UP ON 1 AUGUST! THEY HAVE MY INFO AND SHE SAID TO CALL BACK BETWEEN 1st AND 15th FOR MORE DETAILS AND INFO! OK THEN... - Now... let's see about getting baby on the road... 100% LEGAL! HAH! - 15.23 OKIE-FUCKING-DOKIE NOW! So... I stopped at Richie's... the truck was checked... ”CAT AND EVAP” NOT READY!!!!! SO... Back to the house, dump the “SeaFoam” into the tank and... Up the Northway from Westport to Lewis and back down the Northway to Westport to E-town to... Kinney's for tooth-paste, little Bics and NO smokes! They've stopped selling them “Because we're a pharmacy”. FUKK OFF! Fine... To Tops for NO fucking cranberry jiuce so I got “Cran-Pom” which is mostly cran, then grape then pom... and franks, black beans and attitude. Fine... across to Stewart's for smokes and spiffy... Done. En route for the return, I decided to try the Lincoln Pond Road and... NO SOONER DID I START UP THE HILL... ***** CHECK THE BLOODY FUCKING ENGINE LIGHT! I'M DONE! I JUST CAN'T CARE. JUST CAN'T. - So now the count-down to night-night time and I JUST DON'T GIVE EITHER FUCK NOR SHIT! - 15.35 COST OF CATALYTIC CONVERTER REPLACEMENT... OVER 1600$! Yeah... I through with this day. - Meanwhile, Mr. Alvin is mowing. Me? Nope.
Sat.25.Jul: 0.03 I'm 2 v-tons in, have been watching H. Jon Benjamin videos and... have decided not to shower. I'm tired, have hiccoughs, or hiccoughs and am tired. Fukkit! I' tired! Of it ALL! Going to bed. Turning off all alarms. - 8.47 Another day begins, a fresh, new, hot, humid day, with the sun already beating the earth half to death. It's another day, with more new potential to fuck things up, down and round-about. And I woke, not so brilliantly, at about 8-or-8.15 and had it not been for the need to pee, I'd've just closed my eyes and gone right back to sleep. But here I am. AND... oddly, I recall just a bit of a “snippette” of a dream in which, brother John was seated at my kitchen table and had plopped a bit of some kind of brown sauce, meat and veg mixture on the table cloth, the very table cloth that had only JUST been taken-in, off the line, freshly washed and placed upon said table mere moments before. Dream repeating life, as it were. And yes, I was pissed-off, in the dream, but I said nothing; I merely removed the table-cloth and proceeded to re-re-wash it. Yep... pretty much as had actually happened last evening at “meal”, when the frank, covered in black beans, slipped off the plate and onto the freshly-washed table cloth. And today, this morning, I sit here, just not wanting to even know that there's a truck in the yard, with a lawn that would benefit from a nice “trim” with a fucking mower that does-doesn't-does-doesn't work properly and I think of the words heard on the news last evening with regard to life not being “fair”: You're dealt what you're dealt, there's no sense in getting angry or upset, just handle it, let it pass. And so, this morning I'll just rejoice in the fact that last night's beverages aren't hammering my skull, that I actually DID sleep through the entire 8 hours or so, with-out pain, that generally speaking, this morning is no more nor less horrid than any other morning of late and that it's “Saturday” and my intentions are to simply just let it roll by. There's no place I “must” be, no chore I “must” complete, nothing more I can do to “adjust” the truck and so, eventually, all that annoys today will soon become that which annoyed yesterday... and... FUKKIT! JUST FUKKITALL! Bonjour. Fuck. - And there... I've had first coffee, t-shirts in the basin on the soak, table cloth returned to table... and the fucking pee-oh is open. Roll on sweet what-the-fuck, roll on. - 10.46 Well... today's post is in... NY Medicaid insists that I have an account and that information needs to be “verified” and the dead-line to contact some-one is 5 August which means... the next Soc.Sec. is going to be 900$ and I'm FUCKED! MEAN-while... I have to wonder about the information I received from “Michelle” yesterday, but there's NO way to check into any of that until Monday so... - T-shirts and under-shorts on the rack to dry on the porch, bird-feeder on the back porch is re-filled. Having the last of this morning's coffee and... Theresa got into another “tangent/binge” of text messages this morning to the point of annoyance. My thinking: in the time needed and the energy expended to “tap” a mass of “one-liners” in “text”, one tap, the number dialed, “Hello... the particulars are.... OK. Must run.” Done. So, better than get into some sort of broo-hah-hah-BS... I'll read and move on. As for the rest of the day? That “kitchen garden” needs weeding/trimming. I'll get to it... eventually. Shame, really, how little interest and care I have in the place any more. I'm tired... Just tired.... - 15.21 WELL... from about 11.30 until just a moment ago, I was out in the back, hand-trimming between the walks, round the stones and managed to weed the kitchen garden. SUN! Vit.D. Charming. - Julius is off on the road to... Highland! (There's a gold course there, so I'm told.) I suggested he stop at “Woodstock” since it's on the route. How odd... Yes, I'm back in NY where “Highland” isn't all so foreign, though it IS a distance away. And oddly enough... I don't have even the slightest desire to go there. (Meeting Denis Pearl in the parking lot... and off to The Village we'd roll for an evening or walks through Central Park. And that rainy night on the Thruway when the matter of “wives and children” came up. Oh that night. I've had quite a life. And look where it's brought me.. Anyway, I've “accomplished” some-thing with this day. I could/should go to the river for a dip but... as usual... I don't know why, but I just don't want to be bothered. So... I'll “amuse” until time to prep “meal”... then I'll eat, wash-up and wait to go to bed. Another day... gone. - No further messages from either Theresa nor Dorothy. That's nice. - Ich kom'nach Haus heute Nacht... Pft. - 23.02 Spent the evening watching “Have I Got News For You” in the heat. - Nancy and Paul came by, parked in front of the house, went across the road with the new puppy, never stopped by. So I see how she's another one of “those”. She hasn't spoken to me, really, since the “dinner” invite. Fukkem. - Spectrum sent a statement. My bill's gone up by 15$ and they're claiming a “10$ discount” for another year. Well? It's less than I'd expected but I'll still be on a “negative” for next month, should “Medicare” pull that 144$. Oh well. - I've finished the vodka in the house this evening and am tired but will be showering before bed any-way... just because. - Thankfully, it's cooler now. - Julius hasn't returned as yet. Hmmm... He's been “sing-song” lately. Let's see how that works out. - Tomorrow? I don't give a shit, really. Might try for a mowing of lawn... “might”. - Off to the shower for now. Day is done!
Sun.26.Jul: 9.34 An early morning of HELL, this one. 4.00 and awakened by stabbing in the gut and the absolute need to get up and sit on the toilet. BAM! Painful and quite the quantity. Back to bed, feeling, of course, “drained”. Back to sleep until 6.00 when... AGAIN, up and to the loo. BLAM! Not as much but with FORCE! And back to bed. Back to sleep. Woke at the 8.00 alarm, hit the “snooze” instead of “Quitter” and alarm at 8.05. OFF! And back to sleep until 9.10. The toilets? Black beans and the dark chocolate ice cream of last evening's “meal”... AND... I shouldn't doubt that the little bit of ice cream with peanut-butter I had, after the 2 v-crans didn't make the situation any better. But it truly was quite horrid. Even at 9.10, I didn't want to get out of the bed, but I did. Coffee's at hand, I've had the first, in from a smoke on the front porch. - Alvin's in his garden, Sean's about his yard with some company, Julius is stirring on the back porch... the washer was going already. The villagers are up and about and I'm just dragging through the rooms here... waiting for the next “emergency call” to the loo, which “feels” as if it's preparing, even as I type here. - Thoughts on the day: I need to get the truck on the road, with hopes that the “Check-the-fucking-engine-fucking-light” doesn't come on when I start up and out. A “run”, perhaps up to Lewis, down the Northway to Underwood and back up to the house. Or, to E-town, Northway, Lewis, down the 9 to the market... Oddly, the last trip to market, the “balance” on the FS was 38 when I got to market, I spent 28 and the balance after is 88. I think this is the last month of all the “extras” we're being given. Sadly/oddly, folks on chomage get an extra 600/week, FS get extra if we're not receiving the “max. monthly allowance”. But Soc.Sec. gets shit-to-the-fukkall. THAT would have been a nice extra. I could have banqued that for the truck repairs or even for the Winter's oil. Oh well. Live with what's there... as usual. - And so, getting the truck out for a run is on the agenda. The forecast for today and tomorrow is in the 30s so there'll be no major chores to be attempted (mowing, for example). I don't and can't care. There's a pizza in the freezer for tonight's “meal”, and a stop at market whilst on the road at some point. And other than that? Perhaps I'll work on a bit of a “Birthday” card for dear cousin Dot. MAYBE a little one for “Nell”. We shall see. I wish I had the “peace of spirit” to just go back to bed... to sleep... until... The inspection for the truck is bothering me. HEY! All I can do is what I can do. (It's that 1600$ repair that cuts through me but... if I can't afford it, I can't afford it. It's not a matter of “Why?” and it's not a matter of “Not fair.” It's a matter of “What are you going to do, what CAN you do and HOW are you going to do WHAT you CAN do about it?” Other than that... “This too, shall pass.” Indeed, indeed it shall.) - And then there's a possible run to Champlain on day during the week. 62 miles each way, 124mi. round-trip. Most on the open highway. - 11.48 morning passed browsing here and there on-line... mostly on the Northway sites and... one more trip to the loo. Still feeling... “spaced” and am giving-in to the “snooze”. There's really no cause or reason to push the day. The heat is coming and won't let-up until about 17.00. There's nothing that I “must” have so....? SNOOZE! We'll see what this “tummy bug” is about and then.... Meanwhile, NR is quite calm so... “Sunday it is then”. - 14.32 At noon, I went back to bed, laid for a few moments, awake, “thinking”... of course, about shit, in general, that caused me grief: Medicaid, the truck, the annoyances that are the “people”, a route to take to get the gas and “SeaFoam” through the truck, the “check-the-fucking-enginge” light... and eventually, I actually fell asleep until about 13.30. Laid there, for a while and then, had to pee so... I'm up again, and working on getting these 11 pages from the lap-top to the servers. - Météo claims 30/32° at the moment... from 16-17.00... 30/33° but tomorrow 60% “orages” with 30/34°! So, I'm thinking: drive up to Lewis on the 9... down to E-town on the Northway, stop in at the market, get some oatmeal and... stuff and back to the home-stead. Oatmeal for tonight's “meal”. Oatmeal is “easy” on the digestion, “cleansing” of the “system” (“SeaFoam” for my lines and valves). “Friendly's” ice cream is BOGO this week. It's not as rich as Perry's and sadly, it's “New England” but... There'll be NO vodka for a while again so, perhaps a “NightyNight” if needed tonight. (And tomorrow, I have to ring “Medicaid” again, according to the “lettre” received on Friday, so I must to be in “clear mind”... fuck.) And there's the “plan”. - MEANWHILE... a text message from Dot: On Thursday is was “What a day.crazy. But I thought I'd have more time today. Will hit you up tomorrow.” Fukkall. TODAY it's “As usual I let time get away from me. Dogsat for the weekend and I realize just how lousy I am at keeping up.Ughhh. With folks. I don't mean to be a louse” My take: Then don't be... I've really no time for this shit so I just “live around it... it didn't happen... it doesn't happen...” and move along. Once upon a time I would have given time, but she pulls the same shit with others. To admit “I realize” and then to make no obvious effort. It's the same with Theresa. In the time it takes to tap all sorts of messages, one tap to a number, or even 10-11 taps to dial is quicker and less effort than all the verbiage-excuses and the general fuckery nonsense. The, say “Hello... Have only a moment. Just touching base. Latest news is.... OK. I really have to get to other things but wanted to keep in touch.” Other-wise, it's a text that says “Here. This is what's happening. I don't want to talk with/to you.” Maybe it's me. Maybe it's those early years of “E-mail Etiquette” and shit. What-ever it is... that's how it is. - Now... to get photos and pages and such to the servers. From there, we'll see how the time flows. I was considering working on that “B'day” card for Dot... and one for Nell... but it's approaching 15.00 and tonight is “Guttfeld at 17.00 so I should get on the road. Ah... the day rolls quickly once the noon hour passes. (And I'm still feeling rather shitty. How charming.) - 14.58 and... pages to the servers with photos... done. Now... THERE'S SO MUCH TRAFFIC HEADING UP THE HISS AND COMING FROM! FUCK! Oh well... no excuse... off to push the “SeaFoam” through the truck! And it looks like it wants to rain but... - 16.44 From house, up the 9 to Lewis, onto the Northway and down to E-town and back: 25mi. and about an hour (with a quick stop to the market for oatmeal, ice cream and stuff). Done. Fuck. And the “check-the-fucking-engine” light remains... ON. Fuck again. - Oatmeal's cooked. Passing the moments to 17.00. Fans running (both) and the humidity is miserable. So too, my chest. But... The oatmeal should “cleanse” (mid-night loo-run?). If only I could do like-wise with the truck. - Moving along... - 20.35 “Wrap-it-up” time. - Just learnt that Julius didn't go to “Highland”... the name of the golf course is “High Land”, down by Lake George. He was telling of his “escapades” and getting in at 2.30 this morning. Oh... “those days”. - Anyway... I've decided, considering the Tea Tree Oil on the “arm” tonight, no bothering with showering. I didn't “do” anything to warrant one any-way so... I'm just going to brush the teeth and see what comes of tonight's “oatmeal dinner” which was followed by 2 PopTarts. Tomorrow will be another drive to some-where for no reason other than to drive and “get the cat hot”. I'm at an “I don't give a shit” point. And I have to call “Medicaid” to make sure THAT goes well. I KNOW I'm going to have to live on a “negative” budget come August. Figures... 65th and it will be HELL! But why not? Eh? “Life”... what a fucking curse. - On that cheerie note, I'm off. Just had a smoke. Want one (half) more. It's time to close this day... I'm just “annoyed”. - 21.42 WRAP!
Mon.27.Jul: (AND... STATE POLICE!) (63mi... E-town to Newcomb and back) 5.42 Lights out at 23.00, then up at mid-night, for no apparent reason, then, again at about 1.20, 2.30... 3.00-some (as it were), all for no apparent reason. But at the 5.00 alarm, I was “fine” so decided to get up, put on coffee, shorts, t-shirt, flip-flops, put the fan in the drawing-room (“dororing”, per O.Henry) and spray “Febreeze” about the staleness of the place. THAT smells terrible! Hopefully it'll be gone soon enough with air flowing through. 25° with a début de pluie à 7h20? 31/35° pour l'après-midi. JEEZUS! Here we go! Well, 'tis as discussed with Julius last evening... We're heading into August and before we know it... September, October, furnace-weather and then... for the following 7 months... cold. So? So... we'll accept the heat for what it's worth. It won't “warm” the house enough to with-stand the 7 months, so we'll just accept... for the briefest while. - Morning thought? Clean the house before the heat sets in, pay the 15$ balance on the Internet, ring Medicaid and be devastated, and try to figure some “open road” distance to blow the shit out of the “cat” on the truck. Inspection expires in 3 days. Fukkit. I've gone through worse. And it's not as if I'm going any particular place in particular, save a possible trip to Champlain (though... “No t'day, Josephine.”). And then there's the money-for-5-weeks this trip. Oh and alas. But, as with “all”... this too, shall pass. We'll just toll along with it until it does. - Meanwhile, “B'day” cards? Perhaps. - I have to wonder though: I did see Nell here, the other day, and thanked her for the invitation. She seemed rather rushed to get to Alvin's and away. I have to wonder if these folks just follow some protocol with these “invites” and “niceies”. Well, I'll do what I can for a card, toddle over, say “Respects” and toddle back away. If, for the past year, they've “figured” I'm “just one of those people who tends to stay to him-self”... indeed, that's as I shall. I've done so for the year. No prob. - OK... let's get morning shit out of the way. Julius will be departing round-about 6.30, I'll Hoover. Should mop the kitchen & loo floors and then? Then... the day... the rest of the day... - 9.51 AND... THE FLOORS ARE MOPPED, THE CARPETS ARE CLEANED AND HOOVERED AND THE POST IS IN AND THERE'S NOTHING... NOTHING OF ANY VALUE WHAT-SO-EVER! And I've “chatted” with Suzie and the skies are grey and the HUMIDITY IS ON AND INCREASE THAT'S MORE LIKE BEING IN THE BOTTOM OF AN AQUARIUM! BUT... the house is clean and that's a relief! - Now? I don't know, I don't much care, I just don't. Time for the last coffee and then? “WAT-D-FUK”. - 12.53
WHAT IN FUX NAME? THE STATE POLICE WERE JUST HERE! THIS MORNING BEGAN WITH “CHATTING” WITH “MEDICAID”... “ERIC”... WHO TOLD ME THAT MY APPLICATION HAS GONE NO-WHERE AND THAT AS OF MID-NIGHT FRIDAY, I'M “NOT ELIGIBLE” FOR ***ANY*** HELP/ASSISTANCE FROM THE STATE! AH... SO I MAKE A SNARKY REMARK ABOUT BEING BETTER-OFF DEAD AND CUT THE CALL, BECAUSE, FRANKLY, I'D HAD MORE THAN ENOUGH OF THEIR BULLSHIT. I THEN CALLED JEN IN E-TOWN WHO WAS AS PERPLEXED AS I OVER THE REFUSAL TO OFFER THE ASSISTANCE TO WHICH I ***AM*** ELIGIBLE, WE HAD A LOVELY CHAT, LAUGHED A BIT TOO AND ALL WAS FINE... WITH ADVICE TO CALL MEDICAID BACK ON THURSDAY AND SHE'LL KEEP ME INFORMED AS TO EFFORTS TO “OPEN ME” HERE LOCALLY. SHE'S DETERMINED... BLESS HER. AH... SO I'M SITTING AT THE “DRORING TABLE” WHEN I SEE THE TROPPER COME ONTO THE HILL... AND, NEXT THING I KNOW... THERE STANDS THE TROPPER AT THE FRONT DOOR! THAT MORON, ERIC, PUT IN A “911” ON ME! JEEZUS KRISTE! THANKFULLY, THE OFFICER WAS THE ONE WHO'D COME BY SOME MONTHS AGO WHEN THEY GOT THE CALL FROM “JOAN”! WHEN I MENTIONED MY RESPONSE TO THEIR INQUIRY (“You're looking for Joan? Good luck with that.”), HE SAID “YOU DIDN'T THINK IT, YOU SAID IT. TOOK MY PARTNER OFF GUARD.” THEN... WE GOT TALKING AND COME TO FIND OUT, HE'S FROM MIDDLETOWN, WORKED IN PINE BUSH AND WALKER VALLEY AND USED TO SWIM IN SOME PLACE CALLED “FREEZE-YER-BALLS FALLS” AROUND GRAGSMOOR! SO! WHEN HE LEFT... ALL WAS ON THE SAME PAGE AND ALL'S FINE NOW. BUT... TO THINK! THAT FUCKER CALLED A “911” ON ME! FUCK! JUST WHAT I FUCKING NEED! MORON!
13.41 Just off the phone with Donna. I HAD to tell her about the shit. We laughed. And she said “Well, at least he cared.” but she agreed, it was a bit much. AND, she explained the situation with Dorothy. Apparently, Ms. Socialite is in touch with more people during a day... mostly on messages and screen-taps and shit. Folks from all sides of her relatives, plus her kids coming to see her and because of the diabetes, she naps during the day and, well, add the general “chores” of a day... she's just one of “those” who MUST keep in touch with the world. So that takes a lot of the edge off for me. - Now? I need to get the truck out. The heat's miserable. The humidity's even worse. I'm waiting to hear from the “Mayor” inquiring about the Trooper's presence. I just don't have the energy, really. And I tried calling Theresa... direct to “voice-mail”. I almost could just go into town, get a bottle and drink m'self out of this day at this point. But... we roll with it... just roll. HOW in Fux name, did I bother to get this old? As Liz once said “I'm surprised you're still alive.” Yeah. Me too. Fuck. - 15.20 Still HOT and HUMID and I've made a “fridge magnet” and 2 cards, one of which I will carry with the other “cards” for... *** DEADARTIST.DE ***. Now THAT finishes the “notifications” nicely. - I need... NEED a snooze... and THEN to get the truck out... which might be after meal, at this point. I'm EXHAUSTED! - 16.54 Just passing time, being angry about this morning's “Eric” bull-shit and checked the status of Theresa's art... DELIVERED at 14.24 (her time, I imagine, which would make if 15.24 here which puts it at about over an hour ago...) and, delivered to “front porch”... and as of now... not even a “text message”. Oh well... Either things are terrible in Alton (which I hope is NOT the case) or it was “expected”. Then again, I'm in a most foul of mind-sets at the moment, sweating in the heat and humidity, “constriction” of sorts in the throat and not looking forward to getting on the Northway again, this evening, having no proper destination and adding miles to the truck. Not to mention, having spoken with Donna earlier, even SHE said: sure, you're out there doing what you think is best for the truck and 200 miles away, you break-down... in this heat. Oh... it will be what it is when it is unless it isn't. - Franks on the boil. More beans in the “vinegar”. They're up and starting. Beets will be next? I'll need a blender. HAH! I'll be lucky if i can afford a shit next month! - Well? Time to toddle. 17.00. - 18.10 Meal's done. Washing-up's done. No word from “Tess”. Julius came in and left with MUCH music blasting from the car in the drive. My stomach's on a “churn”. The heat's still horrid. The humidity's still terror. I'm going to take a quick shower and head South on the Northway to Ticonderoga via E-town and back. Let's see how THAT manages to work itself out. Hell! Maybe I'll break-down on the road. Wouldn't THAT be a blessing? - 19.53 BACK FROM A 63mi TRIP DOWN THE NORTHWAY... AT AN AVERAGE OF 70mph... AND, FOR A WHILE, 75 AND EVEN 80! AH... JUST LIKE (ALMOST) THE “GOOD OLD DAYS”... ALONG THE SAME STRETCH! AND A DELIGHTFUL DRIVE IT WAS TOO. NOW, LET'S SEE IF THE FUCK “CHECK-THE-GOD-FORSAKEN-ENGINE” LIGHT GOES ON AGAIN TOMORROW WHEN WE DO IT ALL AGAIN!... AFTER WE PUT MORE GAS INTO THE TRUCK. THIS IS GOING TO DRIVE ME TO BROKE. THERE'S A QUARTER TANK LEFT, WHICH IS GOOD BECAUSE THAT “SEA-FUCKING-FOAM” IS GOING THROUGH NOW. AND TOMORROW, THERE WILL ME MORE AGAIN... WITH MORE GAS. Now, I'm wondering: all that gas sat in the tank over the Winter... I'm not saying it went “bad”, but what-ever was in the line... and then I push the shit through the engine and such. Well, I'll have to see if there's any benefit to using the mid-range gas over the cheap. But, it's something to “occupy the mind” I suppose. (What I wouldn't give for a DRINK right now, but there's only Vermouth... I might anyway... just on account of because.) - And no word from Theresa during my hour out. (Imagine... 63mi in about an hour... THROUGH THE ADIRONDACKS!) - As I came into New Russia, I thought: I've been here a year and I've NO idea WHERE I am. I've gone to Ticonderoga... Essex for the ferry, up to Plattsburgh... I mean, I passed the “High Peaks” rest area this evening... how I recall THAT, on the trip to Monticello. It's only about 26 miles down the road... and I've almost NO idea where I fucking reside! Well, that's about to change a touch... I've got 3 more trips to make before the shit hits the fan on Thursday.) - OK. I'm going to do the “concerned”... call Theresa's number again and see if I don't get thrown to voice-mail again. - 20.11 In from watering... Theresa's call went to voice mail after 5 rings. I left a message. That's that. And as I watered, Mr. and Mrs. “Mayor” passed and Vivian came into the drive to see the garden. No mention of today's “visit” by the Troopers. YAY! - And so, on that note, I've showered (before the drive) and though I'm a bit schwitzich, I'm not really in the mood for another “douche”, so it seems I'll just wrap the day and see if I have a “tomorrow”. The fan is in the window in front of me, at the “droring” table, blowing full. The breeze feels good but the house is HOT! Alas. BUT... it won't be long until... so I'm not complaining. - 22.48 Hav the vermouth with cran and some pickled fresh beans that were picked today and now... I'm not tired but... I'm going to bed. The house is HOT, I've been fine in front of the fan. Hopefully the bed-room's cool enough. And... no word from Theresa... I'm beginning to be concerned. - If I had some kind of “netting”, I'd sleep in the truck tonight.
Tue.28.Jul: 8.12 'twas lights-out at mid-night and with one exception at about 1.28, for no particular reason to wake, I looked at the clock, rolled over and... didn't wake until almost 7.30! AND... I would STILL be in the bed, had it not been for a “pee”. So since I was already up and about, I decided to stay up and about. And it must've rained at some point because the roads are wet and so... no mowing today. YAY. (Not that I care, really.) And as I sat out on the front porch for morning smoke, Ms. Nanc-from-the-hill drove THROUGH the drive-way (of course), in their truck, popped out, got her post and took off down the 9... no “Hello”, “Good morning”, “Fuck you”... so me, I'm thinking: “You're a 'Native Noo Yawkuh... behave as such.” FUKKEM! Hey, takes me out of feeling any sort of “obligation” on the1st Aug. and “needing” to go to Nell's. Not that she's done any-thing in particular. I just don't happen to like their “Some-tymie-ness”. You want to be “nicey neighbour”, then be so. But this “Hello to you” today and “You don't exist” tomorrow... fukdatshit. - And there we have this morning's missive. - It's hot again. And I'm sure the humidity will be even more beastly than yesterday, considering the start of this day. I'll do a wash... those jeans NEED, and set my “goals” on that. - I need to seriously consider getting another pair of jeans too. What I've got on, the washed-out, iron-on'ed have really had their share of days and should be shorts. There's another pair in the closet with iron-on too. So yes, 'tis time to think “jeans”. I just don't want to put another 30$ into them... not now, when I'm thinking “additives” for the truck, and only a quarter tank of gas... and a potential 1600$ in repairs to come... possibly and potentially (that will be seen this evening when we go for a toddle to Newcomb again). Oh well... - The heat's up in the “droring” room and the humidity is starting to make it feel more like the loo after a hot shower. Here we go again. So it's on with the day and hey... Fukkit. - 12.00 on the mark... the morning went by. Clothes on the rack on the back porch. I went for the post, the sun shone through the clouds and SEERED! Nope... no lawn today. Instead, I'm pondering running the gas out of the truck with a trip to Ticonderoga... get some of the “Guaranteed To Pass” shit, then to Mobil for a fill-up. I just have to calc the mileage to Ticonderoga (at a quarter tank). - E-MAIL FROM THERESA! Confirmation of receipt of the illumination and info on her condition. Meanwhile... I think I'll have a tea or something and then get on the road... or a snooze... or both... or neither. I'm just “vague” at the moment... a bit weary, fatigued, fed-the-fuck-up. Passed too much time on soc.med. Oh well... it's too fucking hot for much else. - 16.47 And... 53/54mi. to run the tank to almost empty... Up to the Chesterfield exit on the Northway then down the 9 (the fucking bridge is still closed in Chesterfield AND there's NO NICE view of the mountain so no picture, fuck) to Lewis, back on the Northway to Wesport exit and... LIVE AND LEARN... GAS AND SMOKES AT THAT MOBIL STATION? NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER AGAIN! Gas was almost 3$/gal for MID and smokes were almost 13$ for A PACK! WHAT the actual FUCK do they believe they are? Anyway... I needed the gas because I was almost on empty, but “13,005 gallons” (I bought by the gallon not by the dollar this trip) gave me about 3/4 tank... to which I added a bottle of that “Guaranteed To Pass” shit which I will now have to run through the system. And... I left here at about 14.45 and am back in plenty of time to toss “meal” together (franks, pickled beans with the last roasted onion with home-made mayo... let's see if THAT doesn't wake me in the middle of the night with stomach ATTACK). - Sent a quick message off to cousin Dot... not saying much. - Meanwhile, the sky is clear, the breeze is blowing, it's still miserably hot but even the heavy denim shorts that I washed and put out this morning are almost completely dry! So? We take the little blessings and fuck the rest. - Pondering a “full run” on Thursday to Champlain to have a look-see at that place, if possible. (I'll be “living” on about 60$ for the next 4-5 weeks and even then, I'll be at a loss because of the cut in Soc.Sec.) I'll look at Champlain now more than before because this morning, Peter (Demings) is now using the drive-way as a “drive-around”... Nancy uses it just for shits and cutting into the 9, “Maggie” and Therese use it for their “U-turns” and I'm fed-the-fuck-up with it all. I'm going to have to start trusting the old maple tree and park in the drive. I mean... “traffic” passing the kitchen window? FUCK THAT! - Anyway.... and what-ever. In a foul mood because the fucking “Check-the-fucking-engine” light is still on. Sadly... that truck never ran as quietly and smoothly as it does now. Oh... fuck me.. indeed. - 20.27 Flowers and gardens are watered. Soc.med. attended. Banque reconciliation is done. (15$/week from here on.) No shower tonight. Naproxen though, I should think. I'm tired but... The heat's let up a little but not in the house. And I'll have to figure where to run the gas through the truck tomorrow and when. No further word from Theresa but I'm thinking: Not even an immediate “Thank you” so... Truthfully, I'm just not in a mood for “folks' these days. - Will contact Carrie about the place in Champlain tomorrow during the day. Maybe Thursday. That'll kill my “allowance” for the next month. As for the inspection... I can't care any more. I just want the truck running. - And now, it's “wind-down”, get to bed, to a book and “out of this world”. - And tomorrow, I believe I'll put in a call to our political Rep... Elise. See what she has to say about this state bull-shit with Medicaid/care. Why not? Kick some shit about.
Wed.29.Jul: (TRUCK TITLE ARRIVED, “MAF” FAILED*, FUNNELS ARRIVED, SPOKE WITH GONGRESS-WOMAN ELISE STEFANIK'S OFFICE! WHAT A DAY!)7.00 I've been up and about, so to speak, from since about 5.15... most of the time spent sitting on the bowl.. stomach cramps and the sort. I'm betting it's the “mayo”: raw eggs from that “market”, or perhaps, the “Colavita” olive oil gone “off”. What-ever, it's been quite the waste of time, not that I've so much that could have been done, that needed to be done or any-thing of the sort. Just that it gives more time to “fret” over shit... particularly the truck. But even at that I suppose the time hasn't been a complete waste. I've managed to read through a lengthy e-mail from Theresa (in which there was no further mention of the illumination... I suppose it wasn't all “too thrilling” but, never mind that, I did it and it's done), and a rather curt “text” from Dot in which she referred to her “eye trouble” and the impending doom of her “test” for her driver's license. On that point, there's much I could say about not bothering to take any sort of self-care, knowing what I know from what Donna's told me. BUT... Theresa's been driving about with HER “check-the-fucking-engine” light on for quite the while so that puts me in a better mind-set. Not a “comfort”, since I'm not going to be able to get the inspection through on the truck, but at least I won't be all in a panic about it. Hey! It runs, which is more than it did all Winter. It's “good enough for what's needed”... market. I just need to focus on “now” and fukkall to “later”. (That might even help with the stomach troubles and the little “episodic” “floating” my head is doing at the moment.) - Last night, lights went out by about 21.30 or so. I'd drifted-off only to be awakened at about 22.30 or so with the “impending on-set” of more leg-and-foot contractions. Miraculously, they didn't “take” and I managed to go back to sleep until the 5.00 alarm this morning. (The naproxen may have helped... or not... there's no telling, really.) It was a “pee” that got me up and out of the bed, making coffee and the likes and sort. There's no reason, really, for being up and about but, here I am. - It's a clear and cool morning. I just might have little-to-no choice in mowing at some point during the day. “Might”... to be honest, I'm still in a bit of a “mood” about all the bull-shit around here, with the “drive-by” use of the drive-way, and the bull-shit about the medical. (And that's some-thing I'll just have to address as the day progresses and stop the “panic” about going hungry and cold next month... what a delightful way to see the age of 65 come rolling in... to think one lives this long... as I put it to Dorothy, the “golden years”... what a fuck.) - Any-way, here I am, here's the day, and for all it's worth (which is really isn't), we'll just see how it rolls. - I'll have to “play” with today's “roll” for the truck. There's that expensive shit in the tank that needs to be run through the lines. There's no “shopping” that MUST be done, groceries could be gotten but that's not far enough unless I go up to Lewis or Chesterfield again, to come back down to town. I might just do that during the day. There's no money to be spent on any-thing other. So...? So. - Well... let's see what I can do to fill an hour or so. Ms. Suze will be in shortly and that'll plug-up two hours... of the idiots buzzing about the place. After that? Well, that'll be “after that”. - I could/should/even might just go back to bed! I dunno. “We'll see” (said the blind man). - 10.31 OK-WELL! At about 7.30-ish, I had a lie-down on the futon, feeling “episodic”, as it were, and fell to sleep until almost 10.00! I'm up and about and still not feeling altogether all together, but I'm thinking SOME of this MIGHT be the naproxen... (and some of it might be just general decay of body and spirit). The sun is still shining and I'm just in from the post where THE TITLE FOR THE TRUCK HAS ARRIVED. I've been wondering about it. UGLY! I do prefer the VT-style. NY is so “lots of black high-light/boxing” and looks more like “print-out” than an actually legal document. BUT... I've now got “official owner-ship” again. BFD. Of course, now there's more “paper trail” so if any-thing goes “wrong” (like the inspection), I can be lambasted. But, after all, isn't that to be expected? - So now that I'm up and awake again, I've got a photo of mountains and lake to work with for a “card” for Dorothy (heart's not in it since she's most “blind”, according to Donna) and I'll put in a call to “my congresswoman” about all this Medi-bull-shit (if for nothing else, to put the fire under some feet where a torch should be applied). And then? There's a bit of yard-work... including but not limited to running a rake over the drive and in the grass... I'm still determined to find that little plastic shit from the truck! So let's see how this all turns out at end of day. Shall we? Oh indeed, let's shall... fuck. - 18.15 WELL! Another day has passed, I'm still working on the water-colour (heartlessly, I must admit, because (a) Dorothy's probably legally blind and won't see much of it and (b) I'm still bummed because, well, Theresa's illumination hasn't warranted much in the way of any gratitude... not even a photo of where it's been placed, though, a corner or the trash probably doesn't make for a good photo) and all the while I managed to HAND-TRIM along Simonds Hill and the front, then RAKE the drive, looking for that “lock” for the MAF (didn't find it), then mowed along Simonds Hill and most of the back yard! AND, I'd put in a call to Stefanik's office and left a message this after-noon about this “Medicare/caid” bull-shit. THEN... at 14.30, after a good, cooling shower, I headed out... in the truck. BUT, AS I WAS PLUGGING THE iPOD IN... THE “CHECK-THE-FUCKING-ENGINE” LIGHT WENT OUT!!! SO... INSTEAD OF HEADING TO THE NORTHWAY... I HEADED DIRECTLY TO RICHIE'S WHERE GLEN NOT ONLY CHECKED (*AND THE FUCKING “MAF” WAS OUT) BUT HE TOOK THE TRUCK DOWN TO THE JUNCTION, REVVED AT 3k RPM AND GAVE ME ALL SORTS OF INSTRUCTIONS AND INSIGHT ON WHAT TO KEEP DOING! WHEN I TOLD HIM I'VE BEEN EATING MY HEART OUT OVER THE INSPECTION HE ASSURED THAT THE STATE ISN'T PAYING MUCH ATTENTION TO IT and that if anybody gives me a hard time, I'm with-in rights to simply say that I'm “elderly”, have “medical” and am waiting for a safe time to get to a dealer-ship for the inspection. THEN, WHEN WE GOT BACK TO THE GARAGE, HE GAVE ME MORE INSTRUCTIONS ON WHAT TO DO ABOUT THIS NONSNESE WITH THE “MAF” AND SHIT AND ASSURED ME THAT I SHOULDN'T WORRY OVER IT. IT WAS A *** JOY ***!!! - SO... I WENT TO BOQUET AND GOT A “SMALL” BOTTLE OF VODKA... I NEED A DRINK... FOR TONIGHT, BECAUSE TOMORROW, WELL... I SITLL HAVE TO GET IN TOUCH WITH “CARRIE” ABOUT THE CHAMPLAIN FLAT. - THAT SAID AND DONE, I GOT BACK INTO THE HOUSE, STARTED BACK AT THE WATER-COLOUR WHEN... “STEFANIK'S OFFICE” RANG! (I missed the call, thanks to the bull-shit of SKYPE, but a call-back and...) SPOKE WITH A YOUNG GUY “JONATHAN” WHO WAS SO SUPPORTIVE AND RE-ASSURING. HE SENT ME A “RELEASE” VIA E-MAIL WHICH I CONVERTED TO “PDF”, COMPLETED, SIGNED AND SENT A PHOTO IMAGE VIA E-MAIL BACK WHICH HAS ALREADY BEEN ACKNOWLEDGED! (I'LL POST THE ORIGINAL TOMORROW'S POST.) I'VE GOT A GONGRESS-WOMAN ON THE CASE NOW! SO!!! - “Meal” this evening... oatmeal. Filling, I must say. - Then, about 15 minutes ago, “tap-tap” on the door. THE FUNNELS arrived, UPS! They're now in soapy water, soaking! And I'm THRILLED with them (even though they're red, not white). - Another day! ANOTHER DAY! And “things” are looking better (again, for a little while). - It's still beastly hot out there. The sun is shining. There's a worthless breeze. If I had the energy, I'd go to the river. But... I'm looking forward to going to bed! SOON! - OH! And I got t listen to the iPod in the truck for the trip back from town! - OF NOTE: I TOLD GLEN THAT I CAN'T EVEN EXPRESS MY GRATITUDE TO HIM FOR THE TIME HE TOOK TODAY, AND FOR THE FACT THAT THE TRUCK HAS NEVER RUN AS SMOOTHLY AS IT DOES SINCE THEY'VE TAKEN CARE OF IT, AND THAT HE'S BEING SO KIND AND GENEROUS AND HELPFUL. ”That's what we're here for... to make people happy.” HE REPLIED! I'M IN AWE! HE SPEAKS TRUTH! - Meanwhile, Mr. Julius was in and is back out. Smack-smack with the door, chit-chat on the back porch, smack-smack with the door and... I'm just in from a smoke and he's gone again. Oh well... Let's see how Champlain turns out. - 18.35 Just sent a message to Carrie. Let's see how it works out. - Meanwhile, a brief few words from Dorothy. Nothing much at all. And there's an e-mail and the usual multi-messages from Theresa (no mention of the art-work). I'm not in the mood for either of them. (One matter of comfort: Between the 10$ for the 4$ yeast and the art-work... I'd say the 50$ she donated toward the truck is “paid-back”. “Comfort”. How “mercenary” of me, but... that's life.) - Now... to some “Brit tele”, a bit of ice cream and see how the rest of the evening turns into the night. (I could use another shower!) - 21.34 No “beverage” tonight and after several episodes of “HIGNFY” and “Room 101” I'm off to bed... no “extra shower”, I'm just too out of it. BUT... feeling better because of the truck so... Grab the good whilst I may.
Thu.30.Jul: 7.55 OK. So I've been up and out of bed from since about 5.30 when the “cramps” hit, forcing me up and off to the loo. Oatmeal... “Comin' thru!” So I put the coffee on, got dressed, had morning smoke on the porch in the coolness that was this morning and, with the exception of just coming in from dropping the “Release” to Stefanik's office, MOST of these passed hours have been “passed”, sitting on the bowl, “passing” last evening's “meal”. I sit, for the longest while, letting “things clear them-selves out” and, no sooner do I stand up and leave the loo when... it's back again for more “cleansing” and “passing”. No prob, really, I anticipated this, this morning. In fact, that was, pretty much, the intention of the “oatmeal” last evening. But right now I'm actually looking forward to the arrival of Ms. Suzie and the commencement of the morning's “traffic”, during which, I shall “snooze” because, quite frankly, I'm rather tired from all the “cleansing”. - Meanwhile, this fucking lap-top is fucking about with the left-side keys again and I haven't allowed the latest “up-dates” because that's usually when this bull-shit-fuckery happens. Such a delightful way to begin a day... Fucking about. - As for “agenda” today, “Carrie” replied to my message of yesterday, she's off to “Saranac Lake” so next week will be better to see the “Champlain flat”, leaving me with an empty slate for the day. Fine with me. I'll muck about the water-colouring and find other things to get involved with. - Baddest news is that I'm running low on smokes, I'll need more gas for the truck and another bottle of “additive” and money is so LOW! AND... another 4 weeks until the next and smaller income arrives. Ah... more “austere” times to be-fall. Well? It ain't as if I've never had this before. Shame, really, that it has to happen in August, but then again, I've never really been fond of that month any-way. For now... what-ever is, is and snooze will pass some time until... IF I'm allowed to snooze, with these “runs to the loo”. Alas.... - 19.35 Well OK then and now... I got Dorothy's “Birthday” card water-colour done and assembled and written and now all I need do is make the envelope and... ready to post. - THAT was “my day”. - “Meal”? 3/34 of a pizza... haven't had ice cream... yet... might not, am rather full and just back from getting a pack of smokes on yet, ANOTHER ADVENTURE IN THE TRUCK... Moments ago, I decided that I really ought to take the truck out for a spin and so... to get a pack of smokes (which I'll need soon anyway). Ah... into the truck, turn the key... NO CHECK-THE-FUCKING-ENGINE LIGHT! YAY! BUT*** NO SOONER ON THE 9 AND “CHECK-THE-FUCKING-BRAKES” AND “ABS” LIGHTS ON! FUCK THE FUCKING SHIT AND NO APOLOGIES NECESSARY! I just kept rolling to FamDoll, got my smokes and back into the truck, started it and NO “CHECK-THE-FUCKING-ANYTHING” LIGHTS! There's no sign of leaks on the drive and I raked that yesterday. So? So. IT'S GETTING TO BE FUCKING AUGUST! ALL SHIT WILL NOW HIT THE FAN! BAD E-FUCKING-NOUGH THE LEFT SIDE OF THE FUCKING KEY-BOARD IS FUCKING UP ON THE FUCKING LAP-TOP A-FUCKING-GAIN... SO? FUCKING AUGUST! HERE COMES HELL AGAIN... FUCK ME! HEY! MAYBE *THIS* FUCKING AUGUST WILL THROW ME INTO A FUCKING NURSING HOME TO SUFFER BEFORE I DIE! NO TELLING! OO. THE FUCKING SUSPENSE! I'M GOING TO HAVE A FUCKING DRINK! - And... DAMN THE FUCKING BULL-SHIT FUCKING WORLD. THANK FUCKING YOU AND FUCKING HAVE A NICE FUCKING DAY. - 21.28 And I am having a rather “hefty” v-ton! Dorothy's card/water-colour is signed, sealed, being “pressed” and ready for postage and handling. DONE! And I am SHOWERED! - Noting: that “mole” on the left arm now has a lovely red “halo” round it. Gee... I wonder what I've done to me now. Not that I'm going to do any-thing more about it. “Wait'n'see”... like every other thing. Fukkit. - But it does feel delightful to be showered. - And a thought in the shower: This is probably the last year I'll produce art. Gee. For those who've been waiting for me to kick, so that the art will be worth some-thing, well, they should be thrilled! Or they will be. And as for the card to Dorothy... that very well may be the last one to her. We're “at that age” now. I wonder who'll “go” first. - Any-way, I'll have my v-ton, scan the soc.med. and if there's time (or I want a second drink), some “Brit tele” and to O.Henry it is! - Another day... gone, shot, passed, fucked... done. /p>
Fri.31.Jul: 0.19 OK. Fucked the night away on soc.med. having TWO v-tons. Was just posting and e-mail to Theresa when I received a message that a parcel with tracking sent from “AUBURN” will arrive on Monday. WHAT? I HAVE TO LAUGH (and am doing so, in silence)... “AUBURN”... FIRST thought: PRISON! So I checked on the Ggl map and sure enough, the “high-light” of Auburn is the prison! LICENSE PLATES! Arriving MONDAY! Perhaps? Perhaps. OH! It is SO good to be on “home turf” again and knowing the geography. - Meanwhile, I'm not even slightly “touched” by the v-tons and tonight, the sky is so magnificently clear, ,the air so cool... I'm missing the “open skies”, the “tree at the Bakfort”... the “HOMELESS” nights, and though I know that I must get some rest, I'm not really at all “tired”... AND I had NO “snooze” today. Well? Off to O.Henry any-way. Oh... I finished the pizza. - 7.53 No alarms set for this morning so I didn't get out of bed until about 7.36, as I recall. Coffee, dressed, stuff in the basin on the soak, smoke on the porch (Nancy passed and waved... how nice) and I DO believe that one of these nights I'm just going to drown in my own secretions, as it were, with the congestion I wake under. But, we awl gotta go sumhow. - I'm sure there's some-thing I should be thinking of “doing” with this day, but nothing that I can think of and nothing that actually “inspires” so.. Ah... should check to see how much food I can afford for the next few days. There's pasta in the cup-board and oatmeal. And bread should/could be made. I've got the flour and eggs and such. We shall see how it all turns round... later. Right now, time to get to the coffee. - Strangely enough, money, food, smokes, stuff, shit, vitamins, coffee... stuff is running low for the month of August. And this one's gonna be a “dooozie” any-way, so it seems. Well... we shall see... or not... as it will be, - Time to move along. Going for 8.00 and Ms. Suzie's arrival. - I can't help but smile when I think: Message about a package from “Auburn” and immediately, the mind turns to “prison” and then to “ADK-518”. Dear me... the older I get... - 11.03 Taking a break from the bull-shit of the morning... Checked today's post: nothing. “No news is...”. Have been trying to get the fucking printer to print envelopes. What a fuck! “Open Office” and “Libre Office” are total fukkups. And the printer won't take regular envelopes through the feed. Honestly! But then again, considering the past few weeks, I really can't expect any-thing “good” to come of any-thing I might think about doing. No doubt the bull-shit is about to get deeper and darker and... - OK. So... at least this morning's lavage is on the rack in the sun... I should be in the sun... fat fucking chance. I have NO interest in going out there to do any more “work” on the property and I don't have any interest in going to the garage to make that chair I WAS interested in building. I can't afford to take the truck to Tahawus, which is a destination I would most like to get to. And I'm just fed-up with all the traffic running round the house on the drive-way. If the drive were flatter, I'd park out-side the kitchen... just because. But... here we are... and fukkitall. - 15.21 Well? Trying the key-board since I was FORCED to up-date to the new version of Windows and I see that the key-board is still fucked-up, especially when trying to use upper-case on the left. FUCK! - But there's bread in the house again, though it didn't rise the first time, and I didn't knead the second time so it's “fluffy” but it's done. And now? I'm off to market... Why? Because. I need to step away from the fucking computer before I vomit. - 20.56 Time to get to O.Henry... - At about 15.30 or so, the bread was done and I decided to run into town for a smokes and food... WELL! THE FUCKING BRAKE LIGHTS ARE BACK ON! But the brakes are fine. In a chat with Julius, he told of a car with dead battery that took a week of steady driving to “re-set” so, all of this isn't at all too much out of the ordinary. Still, if it's the brake, I'll have to have Richie check, since he's done a lot of work on those brakes. (If it's a leak, well... a 15$ bottle of fluid before the next “inspection”... FUCK ME!) - Julius claims there's another 1200$ coming “end of August” but “news reports” say that the govt. has to approve before the 7th and even then, it's more likely to come at the end of September. So? If there's more work to be done on the truck... September. Not to mention, if that 144$ is taken from my Social Security.... that “Stimulus” gets cut to 1056$, since I'll have to make-up the difference. Oh well... we can't expect THIS August to be “grand”. - So, at market, I FINALLY got garlic... and bought 2 more ice creams (BOGO of course) and 6 pieces of chicken which I got home, cleaned, seasoned and... cooked ALL 6 pieces... had two for “meal” with red cabbage and the rest of the Brussels sprouts... quite the meal tonight! And there's cooked chicken for Sat. and Sun.! AND, I got more rice so there are the meals to follow! AND ice cream too! I suppose that's good news... if any. - Got more tonic too, but I'm so tired right now that I'm just going to brush my teeth and go to bed. - Oh... the fucking lap-top “up-dated” the soft-ware... against my will. Did jack-shit-fuck-all for the key-board which is still fucking the left0-side keys. (I just gave the fucker a good shake and it seems to have improved a bit. Hit it with a hammer?) - Well, tomorrow's Saturday... and the first of... August. But Saturday... no driving or much of any-thing else... I'm hoping the new plates will arrive. If so, the truck will be getting a nice washing, to be sure. (A trip into town for Murphy's Oil Soap.) Hey! Not “work”... enjoyment. (Oddly, the brake lights came on when I backed out of the parking space at the market. They'd come on last evening and then gone off... This truck is a mess!) - So then there we are, time to close another month. JEEZUS! ANOTHER FUCKING MONTH! And tonight it's gone quite cool out there. The hummies were in for one of my smoke breaks. I swear they enjoy it when I'm out there! I'll have to figure out how to put in more time. I DO love them so very much. And soon... too soon... they'll be gone again. Oh well... me too... I've little-to-no doubt. - Off to brush the teeth and under the blankets.