Tue.01.Jan: 3.27 Got caught up in the soc.med. Minds, believe it or not, to be exact. Only two martinis and I should have been in bed HOURS ago. But there was SO MUCH sincerity going on. Hooduh thunk? Minds was so “upper” when I first started. It's become quite the social media platform. Well... I did hit it 2 years ago... Anyway... I'm starting to sneeze almost uncontrollably... Fatigue no doubt. Time for a literal “nap”. New year... fucking bull-shit. - 10.33! Thankfully, the little ones have been out in the cool-but-not-cold, grey, damp day. It rained as I went to “bed” this morning and must have done the “verglacante” at some point and is now back to drizzle. Ah... the “New Year”. Delight. And they've had breakfast. And now they're back in their “comfy” places round the quiet (thankful for that as well) house. - And it was, indeed, a “HELLO!” call at about 8.00. I don't recall Ms. Heather Small calling, but apparently, Mr. Mimou heard her and came in to remind me that it was time to get up and “do”. Well, I thought I was simply “dozing”... I had a bit of a dream during the “doze”, but I didn't actually get out of the bed until... 9.33! So much for that “nap” I thought I'd take. Apparently ti-and-a-half martoonis is entirely ti many these days. I seem to have lost my tolerance for stupid, for plain-dumb, for ignorance AND for alcohol! Yes, indeed, boizengurlz... it's one of “those” mornings. Although, in all honesty, it really isn't all that different from most other days... wanting to go back to bed, feeling a touch on the “away” side, heavy in the shoulders, light in the head, dry in the eyes, a body too heavy to handle. Nope. Not much different from most other days, to be sure. - In a bit, I'll do something about opening the little gifts for the little ones, round the tree. - I'm soaking Ms. Hallie's food container this morning. It DOES need a good cleansing, and now, since it's empty, this is a good opportunity. “Work”... ALWAYS SOMETHING to be done round here. Much like, I've a broken toe, broken from doing “work”, and I went out to get the rubber over-shoes to put over the broken toe... so I could do more “work”. (Much like, I wanted to get rid of the Subaru and get a truck... so I could do more “work”. Yeah... Mr. “Free-ride” here... it's all about “work”. Yep, “new year”... same shit, different year.) - Anyway, about that DREAM:
About 4 people (there were more, but they were “extras” in the back-ground) standing at the curb, on a some-what back street in a city. A street rather some-what like “Vanderbilt”, behind Grand Central, or that stretch of Park Ave. just South of GCT. A very dreary, grey late day, damp but not raining. I was the 5th person and the dream was in the “semi-first person” as I looked at me at some points and I was me at others. Two elderly, perhaps in their 70s, a man and a woman, were pissed-off at me for some reason. I'd taken the garbage out of a place where I worked as an “owner” or “manager” or something of the sort, and they were quite annoyed with me because they'd expected me to have done something for them, I'm not certain what, but it wasn't something that I was responsible for... getting them a cab, or a bus or some sort of service, and they were loudly yelling at me, with stereo-typical “Nooyawk” acccents: “You're some kind of servant! You're a miserable failure! Horrible!” repeatedly, so that other passers-by could hear them. The other two people, perhaps in their 20s, were standing about, looking at them with sympathy for their situation and looking at me with disdain and disgust. At a point, I yelled back at them “Hoodooyoo think yoo AH?!? Just HOO d'FUK doo yoo think YOO AH?!? Tawkin t'ME like that! Just HOODAFUK doo YOO think YOO ah?” They had NO idea who I was or what my job was, they were just these two old shits, yelling at me, trying to make me appear irresponsible, lazy, incompetent. And at the moment before I woke out of the dream, I thought “I REALLY DO have things that I MUST get done and being in this dream isn't getting any of it done.”
OK! So as I type the particulars I can't help but think: Yes indeedie, it's THIS shit-hole and HLS and the folks round-about Shitholia here. The accent? “NY”? Inappropriate. But the “attitude”, the expectation that I'm supposed to be doing something for “THEM”, the degradation, the disrespect, the attempted humiliation... ALL common to just about everything I've ever done since coming to this Shit-chute state. And that the dream had no actual beginning and no actual end, just some random strangers screaming at me... well, it's all SO VERY “this place”. Imagine THAT! The shit's in my unconsciousness (or “sub-consciousness” as the “pop-psychs” call it). So there we have it. - But no matter. The IMPORTANT matter is that the little ones got up, got out to “make business”, came back in to eat their morning meal and that they're back in, safe, dry, comfy. - Meanwhile, it's annoying yet delightful... there's NOTHING on my “agenda” for today... other than getting back to the music roster. No “holiday messages” on the phone. At mid-night, I'd sent one to Denis. There's been no response from him since his Aunt's wake. Dorothy sent word about dog-sitting last night. That's all. So? The day... what's left of it... is... a “floater”... just roll with it until “meal time” this evening... and opening gifts for the little ones. - 13.10 and the nicest part about having done all the necessary “work” yesterday is that I've pissed the day away... on soc.med., bringing the on-line Journals up to close of 2018 and, pretty much... pissed the day away. - 24.10 Rather than go into tomorrow... since I'm still awake into today... AND FUCKING LATER THAN I WANTED TO BE AWAKE!!! AND NO NAP DURING THE DAY EITHER! - And the day? Pretty much a waste. Got nothing “accomplished” other than opening the gifts with the little ones. Mimou's not thrilled with the “Rachel Ray” “Delish” food and there really isn't much per serving. But it's a gift. And he didn't seem too please with the little mouse toy either... and I put catnip on it before wrapping. Alas. But surely, Ms. Hallie will appreciate her snax... they're edible... that's all that matters. - BUT AGAIN TONIGHT... VENISON WITH GNOCCHI AND ICE CREAM AFTER. (V8 too, of course.) Can't complain there! - And the dishes are done and put up. The kitchen is rather in order. - Oh... I washed Hallie's dry food container... inside and out. Looks like brand new! Will it be noticed? I seriously doubt it. - No shower tonight. I don't really need, and I don't have the ambition. And am thinking hair-cut tomorrow... it's looking a bit “off”. - Found a place on-line to order more vit.K... in the “proper” quantities. 120 for 23CAD! NOT BAD, considering the ones I get at Walmarde are about 14CAD for only 30. They should be here in about a week or so. Meanwhile, I've got the others, from HLS, which I doubt she's taking... I've “borrowed” 14, plus the 2 I have left. I'm covered. Vit.K is good for blood and bones... both things I actually need at the moment. - HAD to re-fill a LARGE tooth, upper right, this evening. Now I need to get out and get more filling-shit. Always something. Perhaps I'll venture tomorrow... Thursday would be fine too... Friday might be better... since HLS will be about. - I'm rather dreading Sunday... Pammie and Davie here for dinner. I do NOT want to EAT food prepared in this house... on dog-spit skillets and pots. It's tempting to “mention” it to Pam, in advance, but there's really no need to start all sorts of shit... and I KNOW there'd be SOME, should I speak on the matter. So I'll have to come up with a reason why I “can't” eat on Sunday... There's time... I suppose. - Well... “the holidays” are DONE... AT LAST! Nothing more until “Valentine's Day” and that's not important... at LONG LAST though, the “majors” are done... over and gone. Next on the list of “bull-shit round the shit-hole”: cutting the fucking tree down for the stove. Always something... and I'll be fucking damned if I'll give that qunt any fodder for her bitch-fests. (I tend to believe that Pam and Dave are very aware of the “facts” about her. Dave simply dropped the battery charger and told her directly that he had other matters to attend when she asked “Do you want to see if the truck starts?” And if they're coming to dinner on Sunday... not to mention - again - the comment from Pam: “She's challenged.” What-ever.) - I need to get me into bed so to be awake on time to serve tomorrow's breakfast. I also need to figure what I'm going to have for “meal” tomorrow... since all the “good stuff” is now gone. - And no, tonight, no martinis. This morning was OK... not “great” and not “spiffy”, not “horrid” but enough to keep me at the “hot water before bed” which I've already had... and my vit.C. Oh... the good old days are gone. - No prob. - Quick run through soc.med. and LIGHTS OUT! - THE HOLIDAYS ARE DONE! FINALLY! JOY!

Wed.02.Jan: 1.14 TO BED! - And the payment for the vit.K was “declined”! Fuck! Oh well... Cowansville... maybe Friday... maybe SUNDAY! - 9.09 Breakfast served. Garbage out. Time for the loo... and back to bed! TIRED! AGAIN! Every day gets a little bit worse. - The 8.00 alarm sounded. The “Morning Centurion” came in to announce the new day. I dozed... until almost 8.57 when I got up, let the little ones out on this sunny and yet, crisp morn. Had coffee and a pee, prepared breakfast, gathered garbage, , let them in, put on my boot and bag and gimped m'way to the curb. Morning.. check. Agenda? Nope. A quick bit of “clean-up” and that about covers it for today. I'll save the “travel plans” for when HLS is about the place. No hurry on that. Perhaps that hair-cut. I see that I'm starting to look like some sort of cartoon character of late. Oh well. So it is. And so it is another day. Tired, as usual. Not interested in the day ahead, as usual. BUT... we'll fill this day, as all days, with “stuff and things”... and tonight, a shower and what-ever might follow. (Oh dear... I just hope HLS forgets about going to Brossard on Friday... there was talk of a visit to la Baie. Nope. Not interested. “I can't do too much walking. The toe...” (that I crushed whilst performing kind works for you, m'dear... Remember?) - 10.00 and off the loo. - There's just enough humidity in the air and it's just cold enough to freeze it, crating that little bit of “glitter” floating about, sparkling in the sun-light. THIS is very much part of my reason for being “North”. And as I just stood on the porch, having second smoke (2nd coffee to follow):
There are times when it's so cold that all you really want to do is cry. But you don't because you realise that if you do, your tears will freeze... and you'll go blind.
It's another day. - I'd like, ever so much, to go back to sleep for a while, but at this hour, I don't believe I should (though I just might anyway). - 12.30 HAIR-CUT DONE! And not TOO bad either... just a LOT MORE work with a LOT LESS hair. But it's DONE! - 15.49 and a nap for about an hour... until 15.15, which breaks the day in an awkward way... especially after a “fromage grilled” samich before the nap. But... the jammies and such are in the washer, I've packed the “2019” items (Grey Goose, MandR and martini glass) into a box, tied with cord. And now? There was something I'd wanted to get done but can't remember what it is. Oh well... at least I got my hairs cut (and my ears look SO YUGE... again). Denis said that I should simply shave my head. If my ears weren't so large, I would... though Winter really isn't the season for such a thing. Oh well. I tend to wear a cap anyway. Still, if I could get just a bit more hair to grow in the front, it would be nice. Maybe one of these days. - Time to keep moving along. - 16.29 Truck moved. Post in. Payment 3 to the “recovery” shit-bags made. Got ice cream for after meal (pasta and curds... looks like). Bed-things in the dryer. Canvas in the wash. And this day is all but DONE! Meanwhile... on the door at the store: VALEN-FUCKING-TINE'S DAY HEART! WELL! Let's not fucking take a breath between holidays! Fucktards. - But the Fives are up to about 80 now... we're getting there... again. When I think of that vodka bottle the little bitch o'the valley must've gotten her hands on. Oh well... the longer I hold onto this shit, the worse it all gets. - On with the present... fuck the past... never mind the future because we'll deal with it when it becomes the present. - Tonight... SHOWER and INTO BED BEFORE MID-NIGHT! - 18.42 Wash is done, except for the clothes I'm wearing which have to be done because of today's hair-cut. The kitchen is as it should be. I fucked a new clench-guard but re-adjusted a previous one used once. The floors are Hoovered and “accounts” are balanced. The day is done. Hopefully, by about 20.30 I'll be in a proper shower and by 22.00, in bed for the night (and, hopefully, for sleep through to wake “rested” tomorrow... yeah, right.) - Odd, but I'm on the THIRD band round the bottom teeth for today. They keep snapping! Acidic saliva? Or what? Time (after what? 17 years?) to stop with the bands? I jut don't want to risk the teeth shifting and loosening and falling out. Oh well... the third one's in... let's see how it works out. - Now... to REST on the royal recliner... for an hour. - 21.24 DONE DONE SHOWERED DONE... DRESSING CHANGE DONE.... DONE DONE DONE!!! And the toe looks rather GOOD! The broken bone is a bit “obvious”, running up the toe, but the bruising is going away and it doesn't look too terrible at all! YAY! (Stinks a bit though... maybe next week I'll try just washing the entire foot... toe and all. But for now... ALL of me is CLEAN AGAIN!) And the washer just stopped too! Clothes... clean. ALL clean! OH... to live like this all the time again... ONE DAY... VERY SOON! (If I have to murder to get there, at this point.) - Next... hot water and vit.C. and hopefully off to bed by 22.00 (or 23.00 at the VERY VERY latest!) - Message from HLS as I was changing the dressing (as if I care) saying she'll be going to Costco and will be back in “early afternoon”. Yeah... WHAT-the-fuck-EVER!

Thu.03.Jan: And... 0.48 and fuck again! - 8.18 I was up with the 8.00 alarm... slept trough the night... but I could certainly use MORE sleep, to be sure! - As I stepped-out “this morning” (before bed) for last smoke, the snow had already begun covering the yard... came down in mere moments, it did. And Burt's been by to plow the drive already this morning. Not “a lot” but more than “enough” snow out there. I let the little ones out and grabbed a push broom. Thankfully, it's a dry snow and the walk is cleared. Breakfast has been served. I've had coffee and smoke and ... well ... I'm back for a snooze. HLS will be stopping at Costco, giving me a few more moments of rest. - OK then. Winter's still here. May as well take advantage of it... snooze. No rush to “get on the road” for anything. (Though I'm certain I'll be expected to haul shit in from the truck... we'll see how I feel about that, when the moment arrives.) - 11.21 Up from an hour's nap which helped a bit with the fatigue... a bit... and Burt out there, plowing the drive again. And there's all sorts of “noises” round this shit-hole... the house... settling or freezing or something in the walls. What-ever it is... I just don't give a shit. The damned place could collapse... wouldn't phase me in the least. - ANYWAY... I have to phone Richford this morning,.. “PCP” and that sort of shit. Oh well... having a buttered roll at the moment. Likely all I'll have today. Mme. Q. will have returned... and the “fasting” recommences... until I can get out of here and get something to eat... else-where. - 12.30 “PCP” registered (I think... it was HORRIFIC! The guy hemmed, hawed, stammered, long periods of silence... told me everything's fine... I don't believe it for a moment. We'll see.) AND AS I WAS ON THE PHONE... HLS comes strolling in, Hallie barks, Mimou comes into the room whining... JUST LOVELY! - Meanwhile... I'm tired (exhausted) again. BUT... “She's BAAAAAAACK!” and shit rolls on. Should be interesting... or not... I'll hope for not. - 16.01 Had a brief chat with HLS... who brought her own purchases into the house today! And a stint on the soc.med. Two rolls with butter and cheese curds, with a bit of coffee. Now? Pinkle, smoke and a nap. Tomorrow I have to go to Richford for the “registration paper-work”. And LO! (As if I didn't expect it already... the Dr. I chose? Not taking new patients... “but there's a PA”... yep... piss THAT “medical” down the fucking tubes.) Oh well... - 20.46 Shortly after making that entry... I typed a few tune on the “roster” and laid down for a “nap” and... I JUST WOKE UP! Easy THREE-HOUR NAP! So? I've got a few more hours of being up now. Oh well. It's the exhaustion of “the holiday” and knowing that the little ones are cared-for AND the general stress of her being back in the house. - The GOOD NEWS: she'll be working again on Saturday! The BAD NEWS: she's likely gone through ALL the fire-wood in the kitchen already! She wasn't in an hour and the damned stove was lit, and, of course, the mandatory stove-stuffing commenced. Good thing I didn't put a lot of wood up. Oh well. - She's getting ready for bed now. The lights are out in the house already. So I've got the night to me... for as long as it lasts. - It's gotten a touch warmer out there. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a clear-enough day. - OH! Tomorrow I have to go to Richford for the “PCP” BS. And tomorrow was the day she suggested going to Brossard! SAVE! Whew! - Well? Back to the “roster”.

Fri.04.Jan: 0.59 The last time I looked at a clock it was only going for about 22.30! But then came the soc.med. and the “gif” searches and a chat with somebody on Minds and well... here we are. I DID get quite a few more tunes on the roster done though. But certainly not as much as I should have. - As I sit here, there's all sorts of “motion” in the wall between the room and the kitchen. I wonder: she's up to burn away MORE wood? Probably... because she doesn't haul it. Like yesterday when she commented on how seldom Mimou used the litter box... SHE'S NEVER EMPTIED IT IN ALL THE TIME IT'S BEEN IN THE KITCHEN! The stupidity of that ... is exhausting! She does NOTHING toward bringing the piles of fire-wood into the garage or the kitchen, yet churns-away at burning it up. She does NOTHING toward cleaning the litter box, taking the garbage or recycling to the curb... and yet... yes... *I'M* a free-loader. It takes her a week at best to Hoover ONE room in this house. Mop the kitchen floor? It's been about a year since I saw her do that... with spray bottle and mop... not even a bucket. Well? At least I know... I KNOW WHO does the work, how it gets done. “Validation that doesn't come from with-in is worthless.” - That all said... I've finished the cheese. Will have to be sure to get something to eat, some-where tomorrow. Pondering heading to the pharmacie in Sutton after Richford, and then, up to Cowansville... if need be, for vit.K. and packing tape. We'll see how the weather, roads and rest go for the day. - Oh... she offered to prepare franks this evening. “I had a good lunch so I'm not hungry but...” The very thought of food prepared in a utensil that I haven't washed made me ill. (I suppose I'll just have to shove everything into the dishwasher on Saturday... pots, pans the works. THEN I'll be able to eat SOMETHING... just to avoid a “scene”... on Sunday. Though, Pam and Dave were here for Thanksgiving and I was in the room... I could, more than likely, get away with Sunday as well. We'll see how I feel on Saturday... since there'll be WORK to be done... fucking shit-hole, this. - Time for last smoke and an attempt to finish that “nap” and try to wake at a “civil” hour. Oh... to be out of and away from all of this! - 8.54 and just finishing first coffee... WELL! I Suppose that “nap” was very much in order. Not only the 3-4 hours yesterday but the additional almost 8 hours over-night! I was up at 8.43... with only the slightest interruptions of sleep through the night! The saddest part? I could go right back to bed... and to sleep. Yeah... this must be some sort of depression (or illness... which might be the same thing). But, we'll see how the travel to Richford goes today... and whether or not I make it to Cowansville. Tah-dah. - Had an exceptionally strange DREAM before waking.
Don't remember much of it but it had something to do with being at Zur's... living there or residing or what-ever the circumstances were, it isn't clear, but I wasn't feeling “settled”. And there was some sort of HUGE spider that regularly lived behind one wall that he kept as a “friend” or “pet”. The thing was adult human size but it didn't bother him. “She”, the spider, would spend most of her time behind the walls but would come out every now and again to some reason or another. At one point, Zur said that she was coming out in “another of her ways” and with that, he heaved-up a “pod” from his throat and as it came out, it was the spider. But at the end of the dream, he announced that “she” was coming out in her “other usual way” (mouth) and the pod became a regular-sized Persian cat.
So there we have it. I don't know why I'd dream of Zur. Spiders in the walls could have something to do with the noises I hear in these walls at night (and the fucking about of HLS with the wood-stove in the morning). Venomous spiders coming out of the mouth? Too easy... in this town. But what-ever the cause or reason, no sense dwelling on it. - This morning I'll need the loo. Stomach is churning a bit. Would've been nice to shower before going to the doctor... or what-ever... “PA”. Then again, why bother? It's a “clinic”. - Hopefully I'll make it to Sutton and Cowansville today. Not sure why, but.. vit.K is about all I really need. (Radio for the truck is for order next soc.sec.) But... time away is always good time... I suppose. (Kriste! There once was a time when I'd be moved to tears with excitement at the very prospect of heading to... “HOME!”. Now? Even THAT's been fuckked with. Life... At least it's getting shorter of late.) - 11.20 And... off we go! - 18.29 and I got back at about 18.00... 6,5 hours looking for a wine glass rack... to be rudely ignoroed on return. - 20.22 FINALLY FINISHED... The “*2019*” box is re-done and sealed. The new “Pharm” box is complete. And there's a handle on the “porch fridge” box! The 5s are in the jar. Wednesday's appointments are noted on the calendar. (And HLS is in bed for the night... I should hope.) The new candle is scenting the room nicely. All is... - Now... as for the day... I left shortly after 11.20, started the truck, fetched the post and headed off to Richford. The “clinic” is surprisingly clean, smells proper and the young receptionist was a delight. She gave me the forms (that I could have printed from on-line) AND MADE AN APPOINTMENT FOR WEDNESDAY MORNING ALREADY! (I'll suppose they'll want “fasting bloods” so I won't eat on Tuesday after dinner... giving it at least 12 hours... I suppose. Not that I'd eat anyway, of course.) And, as far as “medical” is concerned... “WE'RE OFF AND RUNNING”... FUCK! - Next along, a visit to Sutton... to Brunet where the WONDERFUL Pharamciste put in an order for TWO bottles of “Webber” Vit.K.D3! and will hold them for me so that I can go in on Wednesday to get them! They're cheaper than Walmarde, but still MORE expensive than the shit I ordered on-line and can't get because the fucking card won't go through. ANYway... THAT was a DELIGHTFUL “morning”... Coming out of Sutton, I decided to try for Walmarde, Cowansville, to see if they had a “wine glass rack”... Nice drive up AND LO! AND BEHOLD! I was on the 104... the very same stretch that Silas and I took to get to MTL for his birthday... in 2013! (WOW... going on 6 years ago already. Time flies... and flies do too.) So, into Cowansville and Walmarde where... I got 2 rolls of packing tape and their last bottle of Elmer's glue (for the “Pharm” box) and... NO FUCKING GLASS RACK! (But, I got 6 “pains au chocolate” because I was rather peckish... and, sadly, I've eaten them all... having finished the last 3 since arriving back at the shit-hole... Today's “food intake”... fuck.) Out the door, into the truck, over to Canadian Tyre where... NO GLASS RACKS! I strolled and browsed and bought NOTHING. And so... out the door, into the truck and up the road to RONA where I rather quickly browsed and... NO GLASS RACKS!!! By now I was tired but decided to go into Cowansville, Jean Coutu, to look into vit.K. there. Same shit: Same brand, more costly than Walmarde, 30 “gélules”... even in the Jaimieson, which was even MORE costly! I thanked the kind mlle. and departed, heading back toward... Dunham and Bedford and Morses Line where crossing was rather “fun”... AND... over the Gore and into St. A. to... WALMARDE where... not only NO GLASS RACKS BUT NO FUCKING “FLEX TAPE” which I was going to buy for the truck and had, only last week, looked at... There was NO SIGN OF IT EVER BEING IN THE STORE! I bought a shot glass (which is in with the vodka and vermouth now) and 2 “Glade” “holiday” candles, marked-down to 3,50USD for both. (Smells nice... not “pine” or anything. Something called something “flannel”... A knock-off of “Grey Flannel” I believe... which is what Lou used to wear... imagine that... and now the room here smells of it... how lovely is THAT!?) - SO... rather tired, toe pinging, I thought I'd head to McD's for some McFukkitz but decided rather, to put 16$ into the gas tank, take the 4 change, add it to the 3 singles I had and put the truck through a much-needed hosing at the truck-wash. WELL! Imagine MY shock when the 16$ ALMOST FILLED THE TANK! How WONDERFUL! And so, off to the truck-wash for a good hosing, rinse, wax and rinse for about 5$. By now... the sun had set and I was AT MY OWN END! Headed back to Shitholia. - In town, stopped to get the new boxes at the P.O. and came in... - HLS reclining on the royal recliner. We chatted. I told her where I'd been. “You've been looking for that rack since you left this morning?” said she. So I know she was aware of the time I've invested trying to find it... for her... QUNT! So she gets up, goes to the kitchen... she'd made some kind of “turkey gravy” (probably with the rest of the soup from Thanksgiving) and offered it and some “biscuits”. I declined... Dog-spit? Non merci too much. She had TWO helpings whilst we chatted until she started asking about Silas, because I'd mentioned him AND, AS USUAL, AS I'M TALKING, SHE GOES OFF ON SOME TANGENT WITH HALLIE... PAYING NO ATTENTION TO ANYTHING I'M SAYING, LET ALONE THE FACT THAT I WAS SPEAKING, SO... I SAID, CALMLY “I CAN GO ELSE-WHERE TO BE DISRESPECTFULLY IGNORED.” and I came to the room as she called “You now how Ms. Hallie can be.” Honey? Ms. Hallie is a dog... You, on the other hand, are a sub-BITCH! - Oddly (or not), (20.44 and the fucking phone is ringing and the house is dark... GOOD! I hope the damned thing interrupts her fucking repose! I heard her slam the receiver in the dining room. YAY!) So... oddly (or not), since she'd mentioned that her “Amie” is due up on the 11th (how nice of her to tell... en passant... fuck) I was honestly pondering getting 2 rugs for the white room, to make it look quite presentable... out of MY money. GOOD THING WALMARDE St.A. DIDN'T HAVE ANY... HOW STUPID IT WOULD HAVE BEEN ON ME! (If she gets the rent for the month... I don't know that she did or didn't... and tosses another 100 at me... THEN I'll go get the rugs... and the staples and gun for the fence. Other-wise, she can go get it on her own... I'm spending NO MORE of MY money for THIS shit-hole!) So that was a save. - Anyway, as I estimated... it was at least a 6-hour day.... being kind... fuck the qunt anyway. - And so... the day is done... I need to wash my hands of all the dust. Had a late coffee when I got it so I can only hope for some rest tonight, though “IT” won't be here during the day tomorrow... YAY ME! - I'm planning on trying for a shower tomorrow too... and NOT planning on being “available” to attend any sort of “get together” on Sunday. Yogi is expected, so there'll be 4 folks round the table... Perfect. Maybe I'll go to NY for the day... Target or something... Flex Tape. - Anyway... my stomach's a bit “off”, gassy, that constant feel of “needed BM”. No prob. Tomorrow... shower and laundry will cover that. - For now? My “chores du jour” are complete, I get to look forward to Wednesday... at least a visit to Richford and Sutton! And in the mean-while? Just fuck this shit-hole. I've NO concern... (just DON'T let her try any shit on Sunday... noting, the “parcels” were still under the tree... she'd put them in her room and then taken them out, said once, yesterday, that I had to open them... I ignored her. Well toots, you pissed the money away. None of my business... at least you have your fucking wine and new glasses... just in time for your dinner on Sunday. Fuqunt! - Time for “ME” time again at 20.54.

Sat.05.Jan: 0.41 Did it again... soc.med. and the look-up for the fucking rack for the glasses. AND Flex Tape in a 12”x10' roll at 50USD and ALL HAS to be ordered on-line! Oh just jolly fuck me! Anyway... the glass rack has to be ordered too so... fuck it all. I'm going to bed. (The pain au chocolate wasn't enough... I'm hungry... but... never mind that, I suppose.) Let's see how tomorrow (later today) toddles along... and away... and... into the shit-bin. - 8.54 Imagine! Morning routine done. 3 water bottles re-filled. All is calm. All is bright. As it were. - BUT... AT 3.46 THIS MORNING I WAS RUDELY AWAKENED BY THE SOUND OF THE “FRANKLIN PRODUCTION OF “STOMP”!!! AND DOORS SLAMMING!!! HOW CHARMING! HOE CONSIDERATE! HOW “TYPICAL”! WTAF? One wonders. Thankfully, I was able to drift back to sleep until... 6.00 WHEN THE PRODUCTION FINISHED AND THE “ENCORE” OF “STOMP” PLAYED FOR A FEW MOMENTS. AGAIN, I ASK: WTAF? - And then came the 8.00 alarm, and I counted the plays... 7. And drifted into a “doze” until just a little while ago. Feeling a touch on the “light” side this morning. Broken sleep? I don't know. But the note on the table reads that the little ones have had breakfast. How kind. Oh well. I need to focus on when to shower during the day. Other than that, there's something to be gotten to eat later. We'll take that as it arrives. Meanwhile... it's Saturday, and I'm caught-up with “things” in general. Fine and dandy. Shame, really, that I couldn't get the tape for the truck. But there will be days to come. And if not? It really isn't all that important anyway... I shouldn't believe. - 14.25 bed things washed an dried. Jammies in the dryer. Me... showered... with difficulty... the whore and her shit all over and round the bloody tub! Honestly! Not to mention the pump-bottle of lotion... turned up-side-down... She doesn't even understand the theory and actuality of a “pump” bottle! Sick. Just plain sick. - But I got the room Hoovered too... and that's ALL I'm to do with this hole today. Clean... for “company”? Let them come when she's not in... and then see what the place looks like. Other-wise... I can't even give a shitty fuck. - But at least I've done SOMETHING today... to make me feel proud. - Now... I have to figure out how I'm going to get out and get something to eat... after sun-set, of course. Thankfully, there's the truck. Thankfully. Perhaps McD's, Enosburgh. Perhaps. I can devour the McFukkitz en route back to the hole. AND... I owe NOBODY an explanation of my departure. After all... I'm not worthy of one from anybody else in this hole. Tonight... I shall go “out to dine”. McD's is, in all likelihood, cleaner than the shit in THIS place... dog-spit. - 17.45 Got a nap in for about an hour... the little ones have been out and had dinner. Now... time for me to get out of here! - 23.48 Well... I DID get out for “meal”... at about 17.30 I headed down to Enosburgh to McDs for 20 McFukkits and a vanilla shake. As I turned into McD's I noticed the brakes were HORRIBLE! But the truck stopped and I went in, got my order and brought it to the truck, started the engine and backed out of the space...
AS I STOPPED BEFORE CROSSIG THE 105... THE BRAKE PEDAL WENT TO THE FLOOR! BUT THE TRUCK STOPPED... I DROVE ALONG, EATING WHEN... I HAD TO PUT ON THE BRAKE ON THE WATERTOWER ROAD AND... ***** RED LIGHT **** ON THE DASH! NO FUCKING BRAKES! Well ALMOST NO FUCKING BRAKES! THEY'RE SHOT! AND I MEAN... SHOT TO SHIT TO HELL! I MADE IT BACK TO THE HOLE, AROUND THE LAKE. HAD TO PUT THE TRUCK INTO 3RD GEAR THOUGH. AND JUST AS I PARKED, Mme. RETURNED. I TOLD HER OF THE SITUATION AND HER FIRST COMMENT: “AAA WILL TOW THE TRUCK TO WHERE YOU NEED IT TO GO!” We then chatted about using the service. She was... HELP ME... the “voice of reason” saying “YOU PAD FOR IT! THAT'S WHAT IT'S FOR!” She'd used it when her brakes went on the 89 and Caleb's only but about 15mi. away. So, I've sent a text. I NEED THE DAMNED TRUCK FOR WEDNESDAY! AND THE COST? IF IT'S THE “MASTER CYLINDER”... IT COULD BE ABOUT 400$!!! FIGURES, BECAUSE TONIGHT I FINALLY MADE 100 IN 5s! AS ALWAYS... I GET SOME MONEY ASIDE AND... DISASTER! OH WELL. There's just about 390USD in the account. SCREWED AGAIN! I'm beginning to understand why Corey sold the truck... cheap. It's costing me DOUBLE what I paid it! Of course, if it's the “BOOSTER”... THAT'S GOING TO BE EVEN MORE COSTLY! And, of course, I get a bit of a rise in Soc.Sec. and now it looks like the entire month of January will be going into the truck! Well? Here we go... Financial Death Spiral.
Meanwhile, I began typing this and was out having a smoke when I saw a dog walk by the porch. At first, I thought “He's got garbage on his porch again and now strays are going up there, but then I wondered if it wasn't Hallie. So I walked to the porch door and sure enough, in the kitchen door... Mme. knocked. POOR HALLIE! SHE HAD TO GO OUT! We're thinking it's the new dry food... and me, I've been giving her extra to eat! KRISTE! Well... Hallie's back in and so am I and everybody's back to where they were. - Add: Yep... got another 100 this evening. Told that I can use it to get more food for the little ones or... but it's for all the work and taking care of the little ones and the house. At least she's aware of the fact that it goes back to the house. I was planning on getting 2 rugs for the white room with it and a staple gun to put the fence round the garden back up! But, with-out transport... it doesn't look like I'll be doing any of that too soon. - Now, as for Wednesday... with this broken toe, walking to Richford and then to SUTTON to get my vitamins? Not likely. And I can't arrange for a ride to Sutton. I can use GMT for the lift to Richford and back. But certainly NOT to Sutton. And the pharmacy in Sutton is important! Looks like I'll have to cancel that... DAMN IT! I don't NEED the vitamins yet... there's more than plenty in the kitchen. And I'm sure that if I call to explain it will be understood. Still... I don't like the idea and I honestly can't say that I can depend on Caleb... unless I mention it all to Pam tomorrow... And then there's tomorrow... so much for my “escape”... I COULD have gone for the rugs... (of course, Walmarde didn't have ANY when I was there yesterday but still...). - Oh... the general fuckery. - Well? Nothing I can do about it now... Tomorrow's Sunday. Best we can do is hope that the truck can be taken care of before Wednesday... and I can come up with the needed money to get it running again. I did say that I expected to put money into it... I NEVER expected to be putting THIS much into it. As I think though: I have to be thankful that I'm in a position where I CAN put the money into it... and it won't just sit there rotting... like the Subaru. - Well? A NEW YEAR... NEW FUCKS... SAME SHIT DIFFERENT DATE. And now it's....

Sun.06.Jan: 0.15 I was ready to get to sleep at 21.00 YESTERDAY. So much for “ready” and “planned” and “expected” and... So much for ... the world. - 3.12 I'm just worked-up over this “brakes” situation now... and it's silly. It's only Sunday. I've all day today and 2 days after to have this settled. And it's not like I haven't gone with-out transport for a while before. Oh... I'm behaving like a spoiled little girl! I'm aware of that. Anyway... there was a “gulp” of vodka left in the old bottle... it's in m'gut now and doing NO good. And I just thought that I'd put the “martinis” in a box marked “2019”... looks like vodka's going to be the main staple of diet... for the year. (I just have to keep “clean” until after the preliminary “health shit” for the new “doctor”.) Anyway... just signed-off Minds... just as chats were coming lively. Time for a nap... and nothing more than that! Tomorrow's gonna be a total HELL!... I'm feeling rather trapped... and that's not good. - 12.17 Finally got up and out of bed at 10.59 to an empty house and Hallie in a hurry to go out. HLS was off to Jesus. How charming. The snow had started falling at 3.00 this morning and, apparently, continued on through... SOooo... I emptied the pee-bottle, rinsed the “clench-guards”, took care of “morning routine” for me, after letting Ms. H. out and Mr. M. in. Got dressed AND... with first smoke... was out the door to clear the back walk of snow. - Meanwhile, a message from Caleb. I'd asked, in text, if he had time on Monday or Tuesday to repair the truck. The first word in his reply: “Yes.” followed by “bring it in”... Honestly... it MUST be a “Vermont-thing”; give a choice and the reply is “Yes.”... no specifics. So I simply decided to shovel and salt the walk and THEN... into the garage to haul fire-wood to the kitchen... 2 pieces at a time. Whilst so-doing, HLS returned. GOOD! She SAW the hauling being done! (Oh... and actually thanked me for having done! Ca se peut tu?) “I'm planning on dinner at 4 and I hope you'll be joining us.” Well? In all actuality... I'd been trying to figure a way to get away from it all AND... IF I can get the truck to Caleb... THAT'S my “ESCAPE”! MEANWHILE... the walk is clear, and the wood is stacked in the kitchen... with extra for before “dinner guests” arrive. The snow has stopped but the wind is blowing. And Mme. says that the 120 hasn't been plowed but the 105 is clear. All I need do is figure how to get to Caleb... IF he's even there today, this after-noon. Honestly... I'd like to go back to bed but... if I don't avail my-self of the opportunity now... and I can't help but think: this just might be the answer to my dilemma of “getting away”. And so... Mme. is in the kitchen... “cooking”. And Hallie is “cleaning” the dishes. (Makes my gut wrench just thinking about it. She had to go out last night and again this morning with her tummy... and yet... she's STILL allowed to lick cooking utensils. Honestly... the utter retardation.) I'm having 2nd coffee, having had 2nd smoke. I suppose it's time to be “adult” and “responsible” about this, try to figure how to get the truck to where it needs to go (and then to figure how to get the money... I could try the card... if it comes to that, there are options). - 14.54 Well.. semi-settled. I'll ring in the morning to have the truck towed to Caleb tomorrow... still don't know what time... and with high of -10... NOT looking forward to “hanging about” for hours on end. - Yogi's just arrived and it appears I'm expected to dine with. NO! Oh well... - 15.31 Knock on the door. Invitation to join! Wits and wonders... gather, gather, gather. - 20.52 and the “dinner” went well... admittedly, I had about a tablespoon of everything... couldn't get myself to eat much more than that... and I drank a lot of wine... in the hopes it would “kill off” anything that might be in there from the cook-ware. No “entrées”, just the main, and nothing after. But I'm actually quite hungry right now. But never mind al that. I'm tired too. - Temperatures have DROPPED!!! Took Hallie out for the 8pm “pinkle”... she went out, into the yard, pee'ed and came right back in. The porch thermometer reads 18F. Well... meanwhile, I still don't know what I'm expected to do about tomorrow. Just sent word to Caleb that I can get towed and be there by 10am. Pam said to just be there by 9.00 but I don't like the idea of sitting there for all the while. Granted, I can run the truck and the heat but... for HOURS? I'd rather not. Bad enough it's going to cost to have the brakes repaired... then the gas on top of that? (Luckily I've got the 100 i n the little bag and the other 100 from Mme. But still... IF I can get the rugs for the while room, I'd like to have them before “Ami's” arrival. Well... what-the-fuck-ever. - So for now... I hear Mme. roaming about. It's bed-time for the house-hole. I need a pee but will wait for a bit (or use the WC?). - Looks like I made it through the day... unscathed. “Accomplishment”... AND I made it through “their dinner”. How charming. - 22.53 It's gone almost BITTER with cold out there tonight... figures... cold, repairs... Well? Thankfully THIS time I have a mechanic who has a heated garage and I have the money to get the truck repaired. I suppose it's a lesson I needed to learn: Things really aren't all that horrific... - Heading for bed. Hungry, but at least I'm not out in the cold... (and neither is Mimou). -

Mon.07.Jan: 8.58 AAAaaaand... up at 7.40 and a good thing too because I forgot that I'd turned the 8.00 alarm off! BUT... up I got, pee and coffee and dressed and out to get the AAA card out of the truck... NOPE! FROZEN. SOLID. BOTH SIDES! AND ON THE PORCH, THE THERMOMETER READS 8F! LOVELY! Meanwhile, a message from Caleb that 10.00 at the garage this morning is fine. Right then. NOPE! So well and anyway, chatted with Mme. this morning until just now. The sun is finally hitting the front of the truck, I have to figure out how to “break the ice” on the truck because the “scraper” is... on the floor... INSIDE the truck. My chest feels like it's taken a pounding already, and I'm doing my best to simply “go with the flow”... “all things happen for a reason”... when one door opens it means it's not frozen shut... No matter what you might want to do you can do only what you can and nothing more ... and here I sit, typing to pass the time. “Happy New Year”. Fuck. I'd like to go right back to bed. It was a horrid night again, last night, with the spasms, and mostly in the feet... the left foot as well, pulling broken toe in every which direction. “SUCH FUN!” - Well? We'll see how this day rolls... when the sun sets. Can't do anything more. - 11.14 WELL... waiting on Caleb's uncle to come tow the truck which is running and heating in the yard. Getting the AAA really WAS a fantastic move. And I won't be going with the truck. Caleb will bring it back when done. So... I'm in “Full Stop” mode... no travel, no need to “prepare” or to ponder passing the hours. (Just the anxiety of the expense... which will be dealt with when necessary.) Trouble is: I'm hungry and Mme. will be here until at least 17.00 and I'll have to settle for shit from the local store for food. Oh, alas. But... all considered... it could be worse. - “Happy New Fucking Year”! My arse. - 12.49 WELL!!! CUTE... LaRose didn't come because they don't have a driver. Stone's, from E. Fairfield came... and the guy went to school with Caleb! OH... the comforts of small STATE! And the truck is now... gone... and I'm going through with-drawal... as if the kid is off to hospital in an ambulance! Best I can hope for now is that I get the truck back by tomorrow evening, latest. Caleb said he'll be back in the garage after 15.00 today. So? So. All I can do is “hope”... and I don't do that very well. - Meanwhile... Mme. is in the loo, prepping for what-ever. And me? I'm hungry... waiting for an opportunity to eat... tonight. - 15.01 and up from an hour's nap... and I want to go back to sleep! And I want to EAT! And when I think of all the food in the fridge... and none of it safely edible. Oh well. Such is another day. And not un-like other days of yore... with no transport. Alas anyway. Well, in about 2 hours, I'll be able to scavenge... or go to the store. - 15.59 and she's departed... leaving me with another pair of Carhart jeans, Reebok sneakers and several pairs of wool sox. Me? I'm just pondering FOOD at some point... - Her Ami is coming on Monday... no sense in even trying to get the house together because I'll do that and she'll have it un-together by Monday. Oh well. BUT... I've found a quick and easy and cheap way to make a glass rack... hopefully I'll have a buck left after the truck repairs and hopefully they'll be done by tomorrow. (Never let it be said that I don't DO around this shit-hole.) - 22.25 Wasted... that's all I can say... Wasted. It's the only way to describe the day. Mme. left. I finished the pasta with chunks of various cheeses (the buffalo milk was horrid). Dessert was some kind of maple fudge. 1 chunk. And through the evening, some salted nuts from last night's do. And I'm on the 3rd cup of hot water and then to bed! - The anticipatory anxiety about tomorrow is taking hold. All day I've wanted to go to bed to sleep. Now? Of course not! There's 390 in the account, 200 in the “light”, another 200 in the house in 100s and another 100 in the 5s. 890 total on hand... thought, the 390 is probably less because of fees and such in the conversion. Still, it's about 800... and I've got a feeling it's going to wipe that all out! 3 weeks til soc.sec. and even then... I mean, I could probably swing half of that for now and hope Caleb trusts me for the rest when soc.sec. comes in. I just don't like the “debt” part. Still... the fact is, I can do only what I can. If it's the same charge as the previous brake work, it'll be 366. Doable... but sharp. And in all honesty, there's nothing, at this point in time, that I can do about it. So? May as well call it a night and a day and wrap it all up. - I don't need a shower. I don't need to make a wash. So? So... that's that. One more hot water and hope that Hallie's belly will hold out through the night and I can get some REST! - It's about all this constant fatigue... it's annoying at this juncture. - And I think tomorrow's “recycling”... and I've got a bunch of her cardboard put together. I'm HOPING it IS recycling tomorrow. There's already MORE than enough paper ash in the stove that has to be hauled. - Maybe I'll use the day to clean the porch... make some shelves... keep busy... occupied. The shelves would be nice for a bit of “privacy” on the porch and cleaning it would make a nice space for a small table and chairs where coffee could be had in the better weather (or something else for her to fuck up some-how). If nothing else... it's “busy” work AND will look rather like “something” when her Ami comes along... It's ALL about “appearance”... an nothing more. So there we have it. Day... done. - Oh. I figured a quick and easy glass rack too... hopefully there'll be some money left so I can get the wood and some screws and get THAT done. “Appearance”. - 23.45 Time for a “forced” nap.... with the hopes of no “rude wake-up calls” in an hour. Poor Hallie and her tummy.

Tue.08.Jan: RECYCLING 8.42 and I as up and out of bed by 8.22, rolling, after a night of only 2 spasms and pinkle runs. Quite the night, one must say. Getting to sleep was a horror. Anxiety on anxiety on anxiety on truck, and the house and being here and every little “ting” that could possibly cause anxiety. For the first 2 hours of bed-time, I was stuck between “awake” and “asleep”, that drifting back and forth, only to the brink of either, each and both. First pinkle was at about 1.00, the second at about 4.30. But for the round about 2.00 is when I actually got to sleep. This morning? Heard the 8.00 alarm and accidentally turned it off... laid in bed, drifting again, remembering that I hadn't hit “snooze”. But then, figured I should get the “morning routine” done... and got up, feeling rather “OK”, not “rested” but “OK”. - There was some snow over-night. Not much. It's not bitter out there and not yet above freezing. “Dark grey” skies and quite the wind. It's the “wind of change”... for warmer or colder. Forecast was for snow and “warmish”. We shall see. - Feeling? Some-what “off”... chest, as usual, head , as usual. And in the yard, an empty space where the truck should be... and the “anxieties” of making my appointments tomorrow... and the cost of the brakes. Well? Nothing can be done about either at this point. I could send text messages, make calls... all that sort of shit. But in the end... what-ever will be... will be... And in my head, the little tune... “'cause e'ry likkle ting gon be a'right”.So? On we go wi'dat. We can't know how the day will be until it was. We shall see all... then. - 10.36 The recycling is out to the curb including all the fucking card-board... the ash-bucket is emptied (of mostly paper... and some still a bit on the “glow”). It's still rather “comfortably cool” and windy... I don't give a shit. And there's more “kindling” in the bin and bucket. (Amazingly... there's wood left after the presence of HLS... so very little work to that there.) - No word on the truck. And, well, I'm “settling” into the fact that tomorrow's errands will not be completed. Alas. - Other-wise... 2nd coffee up and a bit of soc.med. for a little while. - 12.09 and not a blip about the truck. Oh well... time to “roll on” with what-ever. - 21.20
OK! BY 18.00 THE TRUCK WAS BACK! Caleb drove it back and his dad came with him so I didn't have to leave the house... even though I was ready to roll when he got here. TWO BRAKE LINES had to be repaired... and he did charge me 10$ for the oil change (even though I supplied the oil and the filtre... but that's fine... he put in the time... and it probably didn't require more than 10$-worth of that). And so... 326$... which is about what I expected, I suppose. Still, it kills a little. Yes, I have the total amount here in the house, on hand... but it's just about ALL I have... and it means taking the 200 out of the light again! Oh well... the brakes are fixed... So... the truck in running order, Caleb off and running (I have to get the cash to him tomorrow), I'm rather thrilled and a bit on the tired side anyway... having gotten the house tidy today, the recycling out, post in, wood-stove cleaned out, ash bucket dumped, fire-wood re-stacked in the kitchen... and nothing to eat except the pecan pie remainders that HLS obviously meant to take with her to work but didn't... she'd left it on the porch! I looked at Walmarde on-line and they claimed to have TWO of the rugs in stock tonight! SO... thrilled, I jumped into the truck and AWAY... Driving along the county road into Highgate, I noticed a “glint” in the wind-shield and *** WELL FUCK ME! THAT LITTLE CHIP IN THE GLASS IS NOW A FULL CRACK! JUST MISSES MY SIGHT-LINE BUT IT'S THERE! THE FUCKING WINDSHIELD NEEDS REPAIR OR REPLACEMENT NOW! AND THAT? 300$ TO REPLACE... 200$ TO REPAIR (and I seriously doubt “Safelite St. Albans will even OFFER such a thing... fucking folks round here). SO! We're NOW looking at me cleaning out my cash-on-hand and almost ALL of what I've got in the banque! (Thankfully... if one could actually use the term... next “pay-day” is in 2 weeks BUT... FUCK ME!) So? I just kept driving to Walmarde... and I GOT THE 2 RUGS AND A STAPLE GUN AND THE STAPLES... (all on the 100$ from HLS so AGAIN... it all goes back into the house... as usual... NEVER LET IT BE SAID THAT SHE'S PAID ME... BECAUSE SHE HASN'T BECAUSE THE MONEY SHE GIVES GOES TO THE HOUSE, ONE WAY OR ANOTHER). BUT I GOT THE STUFF ON MY LIST AND I'M THRILLED... and so I headed back and was in the house by 19.00! If you can imagine that! There was a package of Hebrew National franks in the freezer. I put 4/7 into a pan of water and went immediately into the white room where I installed the 2 rugs... AND stapled them to the floor so they won't lift when Hoovered! Yeah... it does look a bit better. The old plywood needs serious cleaning, but for now... it's “carpeted” and it looks “not too bad”. (I sent a photo to HLS... “Thanks looks -thumbs up- hope the one brake line that has not been replaced will hold -finger pointing up- hope MD business goes well tomorrow -praying thing-” The cracked wind-shield was the 2nd thing I'd mentioned in my message to her after the rug... Fucktard. - Anyway... the rugs are in, I can put the fence back up... and hopefully all will be settled on Monday when the little Ami gets here. (NOT, mind, that I even remotely think that the work I do will be noticed or mentioned but never-the-fucking-mind. It's done. Photos taken. Receipts and such saved.)
Rang the insurance company... nope, the wind-shield is NOT covered on the policy. No prob... it would cost me less that the “deductible” anyway. - “Meal” is done... I ate all 7 franks (no veg or bread) and had the remainder of the pie with whipped cream topping that was in the fridge. Having my hot water now. I probably should shower... but I just don't want to be bothered. Hopefully I'll wake early enough tomorrow to get one in before heading to the MD. (Hopefully there won't be any “payment due” for THAT!) - And so... I suppose I have to get my cash out of the light... and the wind-shield can come from the banque. Oh... just jolly fuck me! (Not to mention there's a 25$ order for vitamins waiting in Sutton? I've got the equivalent of 395USD in the banque... taking the 326/330 from the cash-on-hand... well... I should be happy... I've got 115 in 5s left! So I suppose I need to STAFU.) - THANKFULLY IT'S ONLY 21.43!!!! Still, I would have liked to have been IN bed by now... But... WTAF? WHY should I have things go “well”? Eh? - OH! Saw Tucker on Fox tonight... NYS has lost about 180,400 people recently... MOVED OUT AND AWAY! NYC moron is offering FREE MEDICAL... TO ILLEGALS! So we KNOW how THAT'S going to be paid! (I DARE them to come after me after all these years and try to get taxes... I'll SHOOT somebody!) deBlasio claims it's for “residents” too... I still remember being denied Medicaid... when I was in the Shelter! Fucking shit-bags. Well... looks like I'm actually better off here in Fucktardia, in my little room in Shitholia. May as well make my-self... what-evered... for now. We'll have to see how the state rolls along with all of their bull-shit. Alas... ANOTHER DREAM... DEFERRED! MY FUCKING EXISTENCE! - 24.32 I'M NEVER GOING TO BE HAPPY ABOUT THIS LATENESS!!! WHAT I WOULDN'T GIVE FOR A DRINKN RIGHT NOW... and there's still almost a whole bottle of Grey Goose... under the table... with the vermouth. OH... Wednesday night!

Wed.09.Jan: 6.49 Much against my will, I got out of bed and was up by 6.33 to.... Make my list of destinations and errands (which includes a stop to get FOOD -which consists, primarily, of coffee and not much else because I can't think of what to get to keep me going for the next 2 weeks because I'll be flat broke and only 52 for food, which I've just verified- AND THE WOOD TO MAKE THE FUCKING RACK FOR HLS... I'm THAT much of a moron) and under the additional stress of wondering IF I'll be allowed through to Brunet this morning with a cracked wind-shield... and calculating my destitution with the banque (leaving me with about 50CAD). A delightful way to start a SNOWY morning... which promises to be a SNOWY day... in which I'll have to drive into St. Albans and HOPE the new wind-shield doesn't cost more than 325USD!!! WELL! And I've got a bit of a tooth-ache, lower (or upper... it's rather ambiguous) left side, and a stiffness in the neck on that side. INDEED... a CHARMING start to the day... and NOBODY knows... and nobody would give a shit anyway. And yes, I AM tired already... Gee... I wonder why. There's also a stop to pay Caleb... E. Berkshire... in the snow. TRA-FUCKING-LA! - I need a bit of a shower this morning. Oh... as I thought to myself last night, as I tried to get to sleep, by candle-light because I just didn't want the total darkness for some reason: *** THIS TOO, SHALL PASS ***. STORMS NEVER LAST, DO THEY DARLIN'? *** Have had my coffee, a pee, a smoke... And there's a bit of “pain” in the right side... “kidney”? I suppose I should simply take pleasure in the fact that I'm in a position where I can pay my expenses for the brake work and the wind-shield... Considering the past, that's saying quite a LOT. Not to mention... the white room is carpeted and I'm prepped to repair the fucking garden fence... which isn't likely to get done today... unless the snow stops soon. That's falling even as I type... lightly, but falling. Oh what a delightful year... May ALL the shit hit now... and end soon... for the remainder of the year. - Everybody dance now... fuck, fuck-fuck-fuck. - Bonjour. Eh? - 8.42 and OUT OF THE SHOWER.... for all the good it did. And the snow is still falling and from the radar imaging... the “wind” is from the South and in the South is where all the fucking snow is! AND... we're in a “swirl”, the snow will continue on through the bloody day! Oh JOLLY JOY JOY! FUCK! - Well? There's only one way to learn whether or not I'll make it through all of this... and now? 'tis time to dress, take out the garbage and hit the roads... We leave it all in the hands of the “Energy” that is... Let's see how this journal entry closes this day... Eh? - 19.00 AND I'M ONLY JUST GETTING TIME TO JOT AND JOURNAL! - SO... I was out the door by 9.00 this SNOWY morning (and the snow is STILL falling, but ever so lightly at long last)! Over the roads and through the snow and into Richford on a most familiar sort of days... considering I'd actually resided in Richford through a Winter. When I arrived at the “NOTCH”, there was one other guy there, but it all went quite smoothly and rather quickly. Paper-work given to the receptionist (though I don't know why they bother with it since they re-ask all of the questions). A brief wait and into a room with a young gal who never introduced her-self. I guess they don't bother with that any more... these “clinics”. So I went through my particulars and she took the basic “vitals”. Everything is all “WNL”, as we used to record. Everything. Little Miss left the room and then the “Jenna”, a “Nurse Practitioner” came in, re-re-asked the questions and got the detailed med hx about Mum and the CA in the family. She checked my right foot for “circulation”. (GOOD THING I SHOWERED THIS MORNING!) Never checked the left foot but noted on the records that I came for “spasms” and “pain in L foot”. WHAT-ever... Anyway, my blood-work is scheduled for next month and my general physical is in the beginning of March. No rush... I suppose. - And so I departed... and decided, at about 11.00, to head down to Caleb to give him his money. The roads weren't “bad”, but with the cracked wind-shield, I was a bit on the “off” with the idea of going to Sutton. So I drove into E. Berkshire and found the “farm” (Ox Pastures, as they call it). Went to the door of the house and his father came to answer... just up from a nap, it appeared. (They've got the most adorable little beagle too!) Caleb was out on the cutting machine (they've a name for it but... what-ever). So I gave him the cash which he put into his pocket and when I mentioned the wind-shield, he didn't say but I could tell that he'd noticed it. He probably thought I knew about it before. Never mind... He's PAID! (I've gone over the invoice and I still can't quite figure out how he came to the total... it's a bit over the itemised. But never mind all that. There's one more brake that could go and I'd like to know he'll fix that, when the time comes.) - When I left there, shortly after 11.00, I decided to try Sutton... Brunet, and I wanted to get the cash for the wind-shield replacement at the CIBC there too so... indeed, there I went. - Customs CDA was fine. The guy came out to look at the license plate, never mentioned the wind-shield so? I was up the road and into Sutton where the nice lady was no-where to be found but the vitamins were there! I bought ONE bottle... saving me 12CAD right there. I was/am thrilled! It really is quite a pleasure to shop there. As I left, I stopped at CIBC and asked the teller which would be a better rate for the USD, quichet or MBA/ATM. She said to try it at the machine and tell her what the rate was there and she'd compare. So I did. QUITE the difference. The machine was about 1,40 and the teller was about 1,70!!! GOOD TO KNOW for future! So I got 320USD cash. I'm rather prepared for the NEXT EXPENSE! And I went back through Richford where the customs was a snap! - Down the road, through “my little town” and across the “flats”. Oddly, coming into Ensoburgh I remembered the one trip with Silas, one night, in the rain, when she said “The trouble with Vermont is, you don't expect them to stab you in the back so when they do, it hurts all the more.” I suppose I'll never forget that night. Anyway, stopped at Hannaford's for bread, franks (my stash), V8, a jar of coffee, oatmeal (stash), creamer (stash), “Hungry Man” chicken dinner (which I had tonight), small PopTarts. I didn't know what to get to keep in the room for the next 2 weeks. But I got something... and I got COFFEE! Important. - NEXT stop... “Stix and Stuff” where I thought I'd surely find the wood I need for the glass rack. WOW! You'd think I was an inconvenience! I was left to roam the cold “shed”, looking through the wood, being told, in an annoyed tone “You won't find nuthin square.” All they have is plywood and moulding. So I got fed up with the general atmosphere and left. - Stopped at Shell for 20$ gas which brought me up to 3/4 tank from just below half and by 14.00 I was rolling into the drive... EXHAUSTED! It was still snowing... hadn't stopped all morning. - WELL! FIVE HOURS out and about! - At 14.33, I had 2 rolls with butter as I sat in the recliner AND... the very next thing I knew... I was waking... it was 16.33!!! I FELL ASLEEP! No wonder... I'd managed to get ALL of my intended errands done today! OK. “Normally”, it wasn't all that much, but after so long of having NOTHING to do all day... THIS was quite the accomplishment! (I'm still fucking burnt about the wood though... fuck... “lumber” yard... my arse!) - Anyway... I put the “TV dinner” into the nuker and got dinner for the little ones who'd slept in the living-room with me as I napped. By about 17.30 I sat to eat. - As I type, I've gotten the day's paper-work and account reconciliations and such done. Stuff filed. Bed and bath things are washed, dried and done. The “cover sheets” are in the dryer, my sherpa is in the wash. The house is in order. The garbage went out this morning. The post came in when I got back. Kitchen floor will be mopped in the morning... I put the furnace up to 73F at last (to get the fucking chill out of here for tonight... I'll turn it back down before bed... I REFUSE to light the wood-stove... it's stacked and ready for the match... tomorrow). - The little ones are out... for their nightly... I'll bring them in (I plan) when I'm done with this typing, for snax and in for the night. - All that's left now are my clothes to wash and me... and I'll take a bit of a shower before bed tonight. - QUITE the DAY! INDEED! - Sadly though, it looks like I've got quite the drive to get this fucking glass rack done. Now, I can even order on-line... I need a wind-shield. Fuck this nonsense. - All said... a “good” day was had. - 23.19 and again... LATER THAN EXPECTED... *** BUT *** SHOWERED ***!!! VERY NICE, INDEED! And clothes in the wash. Sadly, on the 40-minute cycle. Oh well... - I had a “cocktail” earlier: bit of rum, bit of rye, bit of liqueur, bit of hot water. TOO SWEET. But it calmed the day and that's all I wanted. And yes, I'm tired... until it's time to close the lights, of course. - Letting the foot “air” as I type. - Have to remember to turn the furnace back down. It's quite toasty in the little room at the moment. Comfy in just the t-shirt. Oh MY! - And a message from HLS: going to see Peter tomorrow. He had a kidney removed... or so the story goes. Cancerous tumour on it. I wonder how it will all turn out, how painful it actually is. Who knows? I might be next... though I doubt it. I came into the world with 2... I'll leave with 2... even if 1 takes me out of here. - And as I say, I'm tired. And still pissed about the wood for the glass rack. Fucking morons. Wasted space. Wasted humanity. I see a trip to Home Depot... Williston. Fuck. One would think there'd be one (or something similar) closer. - On that note... a glass of water, a vit.C and wait for the wash to be done. 8.00 tomorrow. Mop the floors. Start the wood-stove and... NAP! - 23.29 All Journals up-dated... this thing got to be 11 pages in only these 9 days. Goodness me! - PS: I never did get to work on cleaning the porch... not that I care.

Thu.10.Jan: 0.52 Laundry's done... lights are out... time for nap. Temp out-side: -3. Furnace re-set to 65F. It's gonna be FUCKING FRETTE in a few hours! (Good thing I'm clean... the bed's clean... hopefully I'll just sleep... a bit.) - 8.56 and up at 8.32 and... WOAH! SNOW! IT MUST'VE KICKED-UP AGAIN, OVER-NIGHT, AND JUST KEPT COMING! “Going to see Peter tomorrow” says HLS. Yeah? OK. Oh, by the way darlin', your little Mr. Dimballs' car is in the drive. (My truck too... and I'm not moving' it either.) OK. So it's another day. - Feeling rather “off-centre” this morning. Probably the booze last night... and the sugar in the drink, amongst all the other nonsense of yesterday... like, insufficient food, stress, and the likes. Add insufficient sleep and a pain-in-the-night in the foot (or two). What-ever. And the house is chilled. The wood in the stove won't burn properly. Oh what a beautiful MOURNING! No prob. No difference. “T'ree likkle birdies, on my door-step... singin' 'e'ry likkle ting's gon be a'right.” - The little ones have been out, had breakfast. Mimou's back out there... some-where. Not too far away, I've no doubt, not in all the snow. I've had coffee, loo, smoke... the “mourning” is complete. And it looks like I won't be going to get the wind-shield repaired today. Nor am I on the run for wood. At least it's not as cold as advertised. There's that much. So? So we move along... just... along. (I could go back for a nap now too... as soon as Mimou returns.) - Oh my... “double-digit date” already. The month is justa rollin' by. - 12.14 OK... I've been waiting for the forecasted end of the snow-fall, before heading out to shovel something. It was all supposed to end by 12.30... but just now I re-checked and, as the snow continues to blow about in the wind... minus 6°... I see that it's not expected to stop until after 18.00! And then... THEN... EVEN MORE TO COME shortly there-after! I suppose I may as well just get me together and get out there. No telling if I'll be able to get into the truck... I've no doubt it's frozen shut... again. Oh well. The only bit I truly don't like now is trying to cover the left foot. Just a royal inconvenience. But... something needs to be done and though I'm not feeling like bothering... I suppose I just may as well. Meanwhile, the wood in the stove... useless. Wet. “Typical”. But there's no sense being bothered by any of this. Dimballs' car is in the drive so Burt can't plow that part. And surely, were I to have been out and about, nobody'd bother to move anything to make my entry convenient in any sort or manner. There's been no word from HLS, even after I sent message of the snow here. I should just nap for an hour... and see what greets me after. (I'm a bit hungry... nothing to nibble save PopTarts and oatmeal... neither of which is even remotely enticing.) Nap it is then... for 45 minutes... at least. I'm still in jammies anyway. - 14.15 I'm out, shovelling the drive, having done the walk... she rolls in, first words “Where's Burt and the plow?” So I said that my truck's been where it was and Dimballs didn't move his vehicle so there was no place to plow. “He must still be sick.” Making excuses for HIM... “You want me to call Burt?” No... no sense. Well... I get the shovelling done. walk in the door and she starts... ON ME! About the plowing not being done. I point out to her that HE'S in violation of the lease. SHE goes into her usual “You can just leave when-ever you want to.” Well? TODAY SHE GOT CALLED A “QUNT” TO HER FACE. “THAT'S ABUSE!” she screams. Yeah? Well, today she also got told that it's no wonder her children hate her... and that it's known that she lied to Stanhope (“HE'S A CRIMINAL!”) and me? I got told *** “Go to your room.” *** I'm SURE this will give her ALL sorts of shit to sling to her Ami when she gets here. - 16.57 Been passing time. There's been “hoohah” and noise, voices and visits... Dimballs was down earlier. It appears the drive's been plowed. Of course it has... because there was mayhem in the house earlier. Fucking qunt. Well... I'm going for a nap. The sun's gone down, the fucking plowing got done. Wood stacked in the kitchen. I've had more of this shit than I can stand. Just posted to Craigs again... for a place. And again... - (I have to pee a bit... and a sit on the bowl would be nice... I don't dare, at this juncture. Besides... it's probably miserably cold in the house... not only because of the season, the weather... but because the dead bitch is back.) May as well sleep this shit away. - 19.27 Up from the nap and just had 2 franks on rolls, V8 and an episode of “Fairly Godparents”... AND IT'S COLD IN THIS ROOM... RADIATOR UP TO FULL! (Thermometer says 24... NOT!) - 23.58 JUST FINISHED (ALMOST) RE-ARRANGING BOXES INTO THE ARMOIRE, “FOOD STUFFS” ONTO A NEW SHELF ON THE “PORCH” WALL, AND MY KETTLE IS NOW ON THE TABLE. - The temperature in here is 25! And I'm quite warm from all the moving about. Hooduh thunk it? But the kettle is ICK-BROWN on the inside... have to see if there's a way to clean that... not that I can use it tonight... nor do I need to. But...

Fri.11.Jan: (EXACTLY ONE MONTH SINCE I BROKE MY TOE STACKING Mme. SHITFUKKALL'S WOOD!!!) - 1.05 and still moving along... but about ready for another “nap” here. It's still “brittle” out-side, the snow drifts are quite interesting, but the wind is now a breeze. - The room is rather some-what settled. I'd like to wash my hands, put some shit into the white room, and a BM would probably be rather nice, but I doubt I should even dare try any of these. - I've backed-up the necessary files, including the music (which will have to be deleted once those files are all cleaned up). Indeed, I've managed to use the time wisely. - A thought: Things will become much easier once I manage to remember that, when I worked at Calvary, I did what I did, and I did my best and all for people who died... leaving nothing behind, having no time to say “Thank you” or “Good bye”. But I continued. Being here is the very same... although, in Calvary, my patients managed to express gratitude. The TRUTH of the matter her is exactly as Mum said: “There are no thanks.” Jacquie's psychotic. She's not “challenged”. She's psychotic. There are reasons why Luce took a rifle to her and then divorced her, leaving her (allegedly) with 5 kids... and walked away. There are reasons why Cecil hollered at her, using “un-Christian” words when he did. There are reasons why Kris and Lola despise her so vehemently and deeply. And there are reasons why the village didn't rally round her when Cecil died, to come to her aid. There are reasons why Rick and André won't come to help her, even when she offers to pay. There are reasons why Rick won't come to install the door in the garage. There are reasons why she had such trouble with Stanhopes. There are reasons... there are reasons... Meanwhile, I have to come to terms with the fact that I need to make repairs to the truck and this IS quite an opportune time to do so. I need to “shirk” the potential onslaught that will, quite likely, come when her Ami arrives to visit. And I need to take some comfort and solace in being told by Darlene “You know she's not all right.” and by Pam “She challenged.” There ARE people in this town who DO know... NOT that I'd ever expect them to defend me, should the need present. (Though I'll bet Stanhope would more than welcome the opportunity to confront her in a court of law.) I just need to shed the shit from my mind and off my back... for a while longer. Expect nothing from her and that's what I've gotten and will continue to get. After all, she's the “Perfect Catholic”... she can justify and rationalise EVERY evil she metes on others. That's their psychoses... it's the way they are, the way they choose and the way they will always be and remain... and I need to keep this all in mind... and go on about my own affairs... and get the fuck out of here ASAP... may that be soon. - Meanwhile, I set sights on Sunday when she toddles off to Jesus... Hoover the room, clean me up as much as possible... get my own things attended. And there's tomorrow... BITTER COLD in the forecast, but clear. There's about 3/4 tank of gas in the truck... the wind-shield will “pass” for a while. I can get a few more things for my “food stash” and, I might even be able to make a trip to Home Depot... if for no other reason... to get the fuck out of here and away from her. (Hopefully the one brake line that hasn't been repaired... yet... won't blow.) - There are options... there are means and ways to keep away from her. And I have to keep that in mind as well... At least now, there's a vehicle to take me away again... I didn't have that before. And again, I have to bear in mind... she's psychotic... and NOT ALL psychotics are cureable... THAT was proven working Wingdale... another experience with a purpose... Now... MY responsibility is to LEARN... and RETAIN. - With that, I suppose I'll head to the bed for another bit of a nap. - I read that the best way to clean the kettle is to soak it, over-night, in half and half... water and white vinegar. Perhaps I can get to the store, get the vinegar, put it in the kettle and soak it whilst I'm away during the day. (When I'll be able to rinse is... well... Sunday, I imagine... or just take the loo and do it Friday night... what-ever... at least it's available... and I can get more Ramen... and have those... again... with franks and the likes. It did me well-enough before.) - OK... time to wrap some of this “day” up and get ready for a nap. I'm not looking for a “night's sleep”. A restful nap will be just fine. - Oh... I made it through the Shelter... I can make it through this shit. - 8.55 and another day commences.... with a fucking lap-top that wants to type all sorts of shit all over the document here. Typical... Anyway... I heard the 8.00 alarm because I was just about waking up when it started. So I turned it off and dozed... until 8.47 when the house-phone rang. OK! I'm up! And, dressed, and have had coffee too. Looked out the window... breezy grey. Checked the météo... -17 and “high” of -15 with some “flocons”. (Oh how sweet... I have to make notes here... BAM-CLANG-THANG-BANG CREAK CRUNCH THUNK THUMP THUD! QUNT IS IN THE WOOD-STOVE THIS MORNING! There's NO need for all the fucking racket she makes with that fucking thing. And the business of the charcoal starter... and the fumes in this room? Let's add the garbage under the window and such... You know? It's just too fucking early in the day for all of this bull-shit. - Anyway... So I'm seriously considering a slow and easy trip... to Williston, for the wood for the glass rack. (I SAID I'D MAKE IT AND SINCE I'M NOT A LOCAL... IT WILL GET MADE ... OR BOUGHT OR SOMETHIHNG... and I'd like to have it done before Monday, thanks... so that NOTHING can be said, legitimately... I'll have this old cow out to pasture before she can bleat another “moo-oo-ve out!” at me. Says she: “If anything happens to me you'll be out of here and homeless again!” Yeah? And you're kids will have just as much as I get... I'll see to that!) - Moving along... this place is so incredibly toxic. And first thing in the morning is no time to be dealing with it. All I can hope for is that the truck gets running and I get rolling and I can spend some time in Home Depot... maybe Goodwill... maybe Bed Bath &c. just out of here and away from the qunt. I haven't much cash, either on hand nor in banque, but there's some for gas and I've got the time. - Thought: Hopefully she'll be out of here and back with her retards tomorrow. THAT would be LOVELY! Let's hope! - So for now... time for a smoke and some planning for the day... or it'll be back to bed in no time. Yes... I'm still tired... but waking up to this bull-shit is exhausting! - 11.30 2nd coffee poured but waiting... I could use the loo but... It's still brittle out there but... I'm going for another nap... - 13.00 “another nap” done... and I hear, through the walls.... the whining. Qunt! - 14.43 Sitting here at the table, working on the music roster and BANG!!! Poor qunt had to go get fire-wood from the garage... AL-FUCKING-READY! Hasn't been in the house but 24 hours and has gone through all the fucking wood that was stacked! Yeah... I know... she's doing it so that there's nothing on Monday so she can whine to her Ami. I don't know why I'm still amazed at the depth of her evil... it's not as if I'm not aware of it... not as if I've never faced such festering puss before. But... best to leave it alone and go on with things. - I should get out and get something... perhaps to eat. I don't really need anything. - I DID manage to rinse the clench guard when she went to the post office... and JUST as I got back into the room... she got back into the house. (She left as I was having a smoke on the porch... never said so much as a grunt... Yeah... “good Catholic”... PERFECT Catholic... miserable, rotten, fetid, festering, hypocritical, lying, psychotic pustule. I say no more... as she stomps about the rest of the house... and out onto the porch. Gee... now she has to put the recycling out too! Poor fucking snatch. OH! She's going to have such stories of woe to tell her little dyke. - 14.55 SOMETHING must have pissed her off (like hauling her own fucking fire-wood?) because she just SLAMMED the loo door. Je “lol”... fucking tantrum-throwing infant, that one. And yet... tells ME (and others) about MY “problems”. Imaginez-vous DAT! - Never mind. I just noticed I'm peeing “bits” again. What? One shot of vodka before bed and more bits? And blood-work NEXT month. Oh well... Fine. - 18.43 Time for a nap... before getting into eating. The later I eat, the better for me. I mean... I could have an oatmeal, but I have to clean the bowl after which means leaving the room whilst “THAT'S” present, which isn't a great idea. So? I'll have my franks later. Also, I have a pee bottle that needs rinsing... have to wait until “IT” goes to bed. Kriste! The shit I put up with in order to avoid the ignorance. And nobody knows. None-the-less, the floor is getting cold and the cold is coming through my feet and my body's feeling it, in spite of the temperature in the room being 24°. - Gee... NOW I understand why I went through HOMELESSNESS and the SHELTER before coming to Fucktardia, Shitholia, 05457. - Getting the music done though... Re-working the Hebrew music now... pain in the arse, as it is to type Hebrew on this lap-top. But it'll all be quite nice when complete... WHEN... - 20.06 Up from another hour of nap, to the sound of further tantrums and slamming doors. - I'm going to have my franks now.

Sat.12.Jan: 1.13 Well indeed, I had my franks. I do believe the old thing went to bed by about 21.00. Hopefully she'll be on the road at 7.00 this morning (to work with her besties... the only people on earth she can identify with and befriend... and who will befriend her in return... pathetic thing that she is). I've pee bottles to empty, a kettle to clean... plants to water... things I'd like to do. I think I could use a shower... I think my clothing needs washing. My teeth need brushing. Things... to do. None of which will get done if she's about. And then comes Sunday and I can hope for only an hour of time off, as it were. (I'm thinking of making a run for it on Monday... PLEASE, that all goes well for that... even though temperatures are looking to remain quite brisk through the coming week.) - Anyway, it's rather interesting, this new routine of taking naps when necessary and being up through all hours. I've actually gotten a LOT of the music roster covered... the French, the Hebrew... now I have to plug dates, merge it all and have a listen for the “good” files... and knock out the dupes. Then? BACK-UP and away! - Bad part? This shit lap-top made some down-loads for up-dates and if I power down... when I bring the thing up, it's going to install and when that happens.. there's a chance of losing something on here. So now I can only put it into “sleep”... and hope nothing happens whilst it does. Good thing I'm not looking at full nights of sleep any more. - OK. So that said/typed... it's time for another nap... the “longer” one, I suspect. But if the old hag's going to work today, there'll be the usuall 6.00 “BAM-BA-LANG” “concert” smashing through the wall ... little tantrum-throwing tard. Oh well... Off we go... NAP TIME again... - 8.08 and “MY MORNING ROUTINE” is complete. AND I'm PAYING FOR NO BM YESTERDAY WITH PAIN IN THE RIGHT SIDE... AGAIN. FUCK! - She was out the door this morn, left a note on the table: “Hallie has NOT had breakfast”. No, of course not, YOU were too busy... I was out of bed and up at 7.30... Yep... you couldn't be running off like that, had nobody been in the house to attend. Never mind. - Meanwhile, my water bottles are filled, my pee bottles are rinsed, clench-guards rinsed... and I'm dressed. - OH... NO HOT WATER IN THE KITCHEN. The thermo on the porch reads about 5F, the sky is clear, the sun is rising o'er the hills... Tah-fucking-dah. - Minus 18° with chill of Minus 23° I see on the “report”. Nope... no hot water in the kitchen. And me? Not even looking for a shit to give. She can't take the time to check? She can park on the recliner, chit-chat on the phone, bitch about me... defend her morons, and SOMEBDDY ELSE WILL ATTEND TO THE NECESSITIES. Retard. - Lovely way to begin a day. Well, let's just hope it doesn't get too chilled in this “little room” today because I'll close my door... if she won't put the furnace up in weather like this... none of my concern. The “high” for the day is expected to be -14°. Ah... “Hiver”. - 11.05 And my shelves are up and stocked, as it were. WELL! IF she notices anything (doubtful), the absence of boxes on the out-side (porch) wall is quite obvious. It appears that “things” have been removed. Not to mention, THE KETTLE IS WORKING! HOT water and beverages... and perhaps some Ramen noodles from time to time. How charming. The inside of the kettle is dark brown... from the “pure” water we get in this shit-hole. But... hopefully, I'll be able to consume the water anyway. We shall see... as time goes by. - Meanwhile... still no hot water in the kitchen. Oh, alas... poor idiot who didn't bother to check the weather. Oh, but it'is fodder for whining. None of my concern. - The little ones have had breakfast. Mimou has his “lunch”. Ms. Hallie has had her snax. All's well. I need to Hoover a bit. And then... the day is mine. (I probably should take advantage and shower but... we shall see. There's a couple of hours remaining. - 15.42 SHOWERED!!! FULL!!! Which means... DRESSING CHANGE! I'm just letting the toes dry... air... last night I noticed a distinct “odour” between the toes on the left foot. No wonder, they don't get “washed regularly” any more these days. AND, I got to trim the nails on the toes... ALL of them! The broken toe is looking a bit better, but there's still “bruise” at the base, it's a bit “puffy” and it's NUMB. But it's there and it's not rotting (though it looks like it might have done, left too much longer in the bandages and tape). Anyway... I'M SHOWERED!!! Too bad I can't wash clothes... I just put the clothes I've been wearing back on. Oh well... I'm not really “dirty” anyway. - Of “Note”: There wasn't really enough hot water to shower “comfortably”. I had the hot water open almost all the way and it was cooling as I showered. Fine... None of my business. After all “He's paying 1000$ a month.” and me? I'm “Free-riding”! Fukkall. (Oh I can't wait to hear all about it on Monday when her Ami comes by.) - Working on the music roster... still... again. Moving right along. - Had a 50-minute “nap” earlier. A bowl of “instant oats” when I woke... brown sugar and creamer. Got the bowl rinsed too. Time for a coffee... - 19.01 I passed on that coffee... didn't take any more naps. BUT... the music roster is COMPLETE, as far as the listings are concerned: English, French, Spanish, Hebrew, Reggae-Soca, African... &c. (what-ever else is in there). Next step? Sorting them all out, breaking them all down, eliminating the duplicates... HOURS of listening and deleting! It's been on HELL of an adventure (and to think... some-where, it's all been done already... but I can't remember where I put that directory). - And I do believe HLS has arrived... the kitchen door just slammed. Of course, I put the light on in the garage... it comes in via the porch. Oh well. Fukkit. - I just stepped out... she's fucking about in the wood-stove (which I never re-started). The house is cold but... none of my business. I said “They've had dinner.” “OK. Thank you.” She's avoiding me so I'm back in the room... and ready to take that nap now. Though I must say: this nap-taking and staying up until I'm damned ready to go to bed is just fine... for me. I can still get up in the morning and function through a day. It's been said that such a routine is just as good (if not better than) a solid sleep-through at night. Yep... it's fine. (Of course NOW I'd have to pee... but not “immediately”.) - I'll eat my franks when I wake from the nap. Right now, I'd like to snooze... may I be allowed to do so. At least the door is closed again... to keep MY heat in here... for a change. - My heart breaks for the little ones though... I wonder what they wonder... why I'm not “part of the house-hold”. Well? They'll have to get used to it eventually. - 21.06 Another hour-plus nap... The thermometer reads 24°... it FEELS more like 14! She's out there... some-where... roaming about. And me? Time for franks... Nothing with. But better than nothing at all. And to work on cleaning the music! - 22.13 (-4F -20C)

Sun.13.Jan: 0.30 BREAK TIME! (And the 4 franks I had for “meal”? “Gaseious”, as it were/they are.) And for some reason, the teeth on the left side are “sensitive”. Maybe because I had brown sugar for “dessert”? Anyway... been working on the music... listening with the “Rockaway” ear-buds... that Phillips doesn't make any more (because they're THAT GOOD!). And I see MINUS 21° (-6F) out there! I wonder if the truck isn't frozen shut... and if it'll start later. Only way to find out... - Smoke! - The house is, of course, calm. Hopefully the old shit'll go see Jesus tomorrow... give me a bit of “peace”. Other than that? I dunno, really. We shall see. - 1.58 Soc.med. done. Time for a nap. - 9.16 I had an alarm set for about 6.30... heard it.. turned it off. The 8.00 alarm sounded. I turned it off. At 8.55 I was up... partly because of me, partly because of Mme. Thumpthump. It's “Jesus Day”. I'm glad for my “training” in “Catholicism”, I know how she “reconciles”. - And out-side, the sun is shining, the sky is only a touch “cloudy”, but the birds are at the feeder so it's not as “brittle” as earlier. Not enough to thaw the hot water in the kitchen, but... - That “nap” was wrong, not enough or too much. And my stomach is still gassy. Hopefully there's a “movement” to come... in a bit. But I'm groggy this morning. Not that that's any much different from any other morning, I suppose. - I slept(?) through the morning with-out the ace bandage on the foot. The skin is cracking now. Oh well. Hopefully the “air” will help with the “healing”. I'm half way through the general 8 weeks of keeping the toe where it is. Half way. Goodness. And we're almost half through January. Time... just careens away. - Time to “catch up” on events, and back to the music. - Oh, and it's 25° in this room, but the floor is about -25. “Charming.” - And the washing machine is running along. (Oh, that I don't shit m'drawers this morning.) - I need to find something to eat at some point during this day. Pondering a toddle to the store... pondering. - I have to go try to start the truck too, in all this cold. - I see it's -20°, with a high of -13 today and a week of all minuses. I guess we've had our “January thaw”. Alas. - 11.33 another morning passes... I've been to the loo (those franks made quite the mess), rinsed the clench-guard, am having 2nd coffee, and there's no sign of any “warmth” happening. And no sign of Mme. either... but the house is quite “chilled” and the hot water is still frozen in the kitchen. I'm going back to my music. Hopefully, in a bit, the truck will start and I'll run it a bit... perhaps to the store... for something to eat... this evening. - 14.02 Well, down to 2781 on the general roster of music and 83 on the Hebrew list. It's been quite the day, with ear-buds in and trying to remain oblivious to the ... place. Just in out of the cold but brilliantly sunny day... smoke. Re-warminig to go out to try and start the truck. I should check funds and seriously ponder food. I don't want to, really. I'd much prefer a nap. I'm getting into the habit of napping during the day, and, thankfully, I'm not being bollocksed. Pondering a trip to the Home Depot... but I believe I'd rather hold that for tomorrow... should all be well with the truck. The main concern is the wind-shield... though there's money to have that replaced... even here and now. Oh... the decisions. Truth of the matter is: Were I a simple tenant here, renting only this room, things wouldn't be any different than they are now. I wonder though, should this all come to “litigation”, what a judge would find, should I simply tell the fact that I have no cooking, use of loo only in her absence, in addition to the window being useless because of garbage and the &c.s of daily existence, in exchange. Ah, but it all depends on the mentality of the “judge”, and we already know how that is. Such a shame about NYS, with its insanity of politics these days. Well? We roll along with it... just as we did in the Shelter. I'm tired of existing this way, but, when seriously considered, it beats being tossed out at 7.00 in this cold, to fend on one's own until sun-set. Indeed. Let us be thankful... for what we DO have. Eh? - I'm REALLY tired though. But the truck needs to be attended. Perhaps a 30-minute. I've just about enough time for that. I do believe I'll give it a try and then... head out! The sun is still setting to the South of the Highgate street. Seems it's taking longer to get to the North side than it did to sink Southerly. Or, I'm being impatient... and just silly. - My stomach... a nice BM would be most welcome, but that's not to happen... for at least another 8 hours... or more. Shit! (Indeed.) - 16.37 WOW AND WELL AND THE TRUCK STARTED RIGHT UP... THE DOORS OPENED PERFECTLY FINE... I GOT THE ICE OFF THE WIND-SHIELD WITH NO TROUBLE (after an hour's lie-down) AND TOOK A BIT OF A ROLL ROUND THE BLOCK (the fucking village!), STOPPED AT THE STORE AND 11$ LATER, WALKED OUT WITH “HALF” TURKEY, PROVOLONE, BLACK OLIVES, BAG OF CRISPS, “HALF-PRICED” BROKEN DONUTS AND CHOCO MILK (for later)! AND NOW? NOW? HERE AI AM... HAVING EATING THE SAMMICH AND SOME CRISPS AND SOME BROKEN DONUTS ALL WHILST WATCHING DAVID MITCHELL! AND... the sun is setting. - MEANWHILE... as I sit here, quietly, watching the screen... BAM! (in largest font, italics and bold... blood-red font) NOTHING tells me that you're the “mature”, “intelligent”, “adult” in the room better than BAM... SLAMMING the kitchen door as you enter the house, followed by THPUMP! as you storm your way across the floor and the BADUMPBANG of a bit of fire-wood into the wood-stove. Nope... nothing tells me that you're “perfectly well-balanced” any better than an all-out TANTRUM! ESPECIALLY since NOBODY'S bothered you (PARTICULARLY... *I* HAVEN'T BOTHERED YOU) ALL BLOODY DAY! DOUCHE! Well OK... If the state of VT has to hire persons of an “IQ” higher than that of the people for whom care will be given... and the highest “IQ” allowed (as claimed by a particular current employee of the state) of those requiring and receiving said care is “70”, then, by hiring you, with a visible “IQ” of “71”... well, I suppose alll's well. - Having eaten, I could use a rest. Having the relief of knowing that the truck starts, runs, stops, rolls, rides and warms up has provided a degree of comfort. (Knowing that, just on the other side of the door to this room, there's some insane old thing wandering about... well, that's another issue. NOT knowing what that old thing is plotting, planning, scheming and other-wise concocting... I need to never mind all that, remain aware of what IS happening, and toddle on to take care of me, myself, and my needs. Good thing I still have last year's pine-scented candle... to cover the aroma of “meal”. Fuck. - 18.59 and too much time on the soc.med. And now? For a snooze. Thankfully, I'm being avoided and ignored. Meanwhile, my bowels are making their presence “known”. Hopefully there won't be a “call” before the house is gone dark and silent. - 20.27 and another nap done... rudely awakened, 15 minutes ago, by the BANGING ABOUT the place... stomping, banging shit against the wall and slamming doors. Oh... she's a piece of work. But... I'm getting my rest and I don't much give a shit. Anyway... on with the night and back to the music.

Mon.14.Jan: 0.22 Well... had my choco milk and finished the donuts earlier as I worked on the music roster which is going along... SLOWLY but... - Have had a couple smokes AND HAD TO USE THE LOO FOR A BM! Glad I did... Feeling MUCH better for it. - Also, added (or RE-added) “Girls”... English AND French... OH! The memories of “Jeff's Place”, Kingston... Frank Sperling... getting sick on scotch, hang-overs from vodka (those were the days) and hitting the tequila every night... and then working for Fishkill National Bank... in Beacon... every morning. Oh... and look at me now (even tonight, the BM smelled of blood... just smelled of it... not sure if there's any in there though and I don't care to know). - And so... back to the music... for a couple more hours. - I'll have to phone and see if I can get the wind-shield replaced tomorrow... I still want to try for the wood for that fucking glass rack though. I SAID I'd make one... and I'll not give the old qunt any MORE to throw at me... - 1.53 This poor lap-top is exhausted... not to say that I'm not. The Hebrew music is sorted. No duplicates. There's still over 1000 on the “general” but there's over 1000 already done! I'm going to give this up for a while and ... yes ... take another nap. - 8.44 and another day begins to roll. - 8.53 and I'm up and dressed and have gulped morning coffee (1st). M'stomach's all out of whack with gas and such. - It was SO difficult, getting to sleep this morning. I don't think I dozed off until at least 3.00. The 7.30 and 8.00 alarms this morning were useless as far as getting me up. And even now... I'm feeling “heavy”. I wonder: donuts before bed? Too much sugar? What-ever. I just don't like the “churning” in the gut this morning. - I've NO idea when HLS's little Ami will be arriving. I know there was some mention of skiing, something about them going to Québec for something. (THAT should be interesting... after all the bull-shit they pulled with her Maryrose...) But it's all the “consideration” bull-shit again... Well, I'll just be rolling along with what I need to do for me this morning and hopefully be out and on the road... Home Depot and Safelite wind-shield. One or the other or both... Maybe I'll just roll over to Safelite, have them look and appraise... (repair/replace), make an appointment, head to Williston. That would cover my day. (It breaks m'heart but I'll have to use my 5s this week. Well? This is what I save them for... to be available when needed. There's 40 in 20s for “gas”, and about 60USD in the banque... Next “pay” is next Wed. It's going to be a bit tough but... there's been less... MUCH less to live on and MUCH more to make a bit of Hell...) I just need to focus on right now, today, and tomorrow? We'll just never mind. - It's another day... and there's NO doubt... MORE BULL-SHIT! So, KNOWING there'll be bull-shit is MORE than half the battle, won. Kadima dahlin... Kadima! - 9.43 Got to the loo... BM and rinse the P-bottles. Clench-guard can be done in the WC I suppose. - She's in the kitchen, still no hot water. “I should have known better, but I was just too focused on getting enough rest to go to work.” Right... “focusing” on “resting” for “work”. Well of course. “Rest” requires “focus” and you're the ONLY one who actually “works” in the house. Right. We understand... we, us, in our “leisure” here. - Last night I happened on the recording that I have of the Stanhope “voice-mail” messages. Listened to the first one where he was rather calm, “called-off the attorney” and mentioned something about her having learned her lesson from the “previous 2 tenants” in the red house. No Mr. S., she CAN'T “learn” because she chooses NOT to. And, as I say: Give this place ONE week (max)... and she'll have the in-side of this house looking like the out-side of 172 when the Grisolms were in residence. Trash does as trash is as trash finds most comfortable... in trash. But... never mind all that. Fact is: others will know only what they're told and what they're told will be “Poor Jacquie, she's challenged.” indeed. - So... MY morning “routine” is rolling along. That BM was a relief. Now, on to the next. (I recalled, last night, “cleaning” me with “Clorox Wipes” at Home Depot in Wappingers... the “Ahlena” period of existence. Looks like I should get me a container of those again... although, hopefully, tomorrow will be “normal” and I'll be able to bathe... again. How charming. To think I was cleaner in the Shelter than I am in a house. Ah... Fucktardia, Shitholia. (VT). - 10.32 Lap-top refuses to connect properly to the Internet. No prob on the phone though. - Mme. brought the post. We chatted in the kitchen. She'll be going to Québec with her Ami today and then directly to work this evening... or so she intimates. Me? I'm just rolling along... Time for 2nd coffee before all else. - 11.18 I do believe her Ami has arrived... I'm busy with repairing ear-buds... hopefully I'll be granted “peace”... let them “hit the road”, as it were. What I do with the rest of the time is to be seen. - The Internet isn't connecting this morning. How charming. “Cluttered router”? Perhaps. I dunno. Don't care... much. Just PLEASE... let me be! (But they never do... And then whine about how “rude” I am. Alas.... “Don't poke a sleeping lion.” Thanks much.) - 12.45 They've left. Mme. said to Hallie “I'll see you Thursday.” and out the door they toddled. “Stay warm.” Yep... I suppose. “Chat” with her Ami was obviously a touch “forced civility”. Palpable, as it were. Mostly about “temperature acclimation”. They were here for a relatively short while. I stayed in the room... repairing the ear-buds and looking for “reviews” on the local (St.A.) “Safelite”. Only 2. I'm more nervous about the repair/replacement than much else at this point, and the expenses to come. - Meanwhile, the sun shines, the cold begins to infiltrate the room. The house is cold, of course. They're off to Québec, I'm to believe. But I don't know for how long or if they'll even make the trip (considering the fiasco with Ms. Maryrose). And I'm concerned about money... IF the wind-shield would hold, I could make the trip to Williston, the cost wouldn't be “prohibitive”. But frankly, at this very moment in time, I'd prefer a nap... and not travelling at all. Silly of me, to say the least. I can't really work on the music with-out the ear-buds, and I shouldn't use them for a few hours yet. (They need another application of epoxy too, I see... just to be certain.) This “anxiety” is all just so much foolishness. - “Food”... I need to ponder that item as well. Oh... me... typical... nonsense. - 15.43 Chicken fukkitz for “meal”. Coconut ice cream for... And the kettle is “soaking” with vinegar. - The ear-buds? Well, the first application of epoxy was OK but “not good enough” for me, so I tried a 2nd application and the fukkerz dropped to the floor! SOOoooo... I had to try to smooth the damage which meant another mixing and the 2nd application is now on, drying... and THICK! If nothing else, (IF IT DRIES AND HARDENS), the right bud will be “solid”. We shall see... tonight or tomorrow or... when-ever. - That's my trouble with the wind-shield too... the rear-view mirror that I repaired. AND the inspection sticker. Surely, folks who know what the actual fuck they're supposed to do would be familiar with all of that. I just don't have ANY trust in ANY service in VT any more. I suppose I could go to Plattsburgh, but, truth is, I don't have much faith in those Libs either. Oh... the “good old days” are fucked. Good to be “old”... now, if only to be “old enough” to simply lay one's head down and die. - Anyway... that too, is most of my trouble today: depression. I need to work on that... SERIOUSLY! There really isn't any reason or cause for it... it's just HERE... it just IS. What I truly need to work away is caring about the opinions of the others. They opine, knowing nothing about facts. I've worked VERY hard, I continue to work EXCEPTIONALLY hard on and with and around this place. Intentions are good. “Self-validation” and knowing one's intentions and purpose... the rest is just liquid shit run-off. - And on that thought... I have to check about truck insurance... getting more. And then, the wind-shield. - 16.36 About 5 minutes ago, Mr. Dimballs came to the door... ready to give me money... for Mme. When I said I'd rather not accept it, HE UNDERSTOOD COMPLETELY! WELL! I AM ... well, not so much impressed but glad he understands. More-so now than ever, I do NOT want to touch HER money! WHAT? Give her MORE shit to sling? Like I said to Mr. D...&c.: I'll clear the yard, clean the house, feed your dog... but I will NOT touch your money. And yep... he said, “I understand.” - OK. So it's time to nuke the fukkitz and get on with this evening. - I've decided against upping my insurance on the truck because “comprehensive” only covers “accidents” and tree-falls, fires, and such and glass isn't included... not to mention the deductible. I'm “insured”. I'm satisfied. - 18.14 I ATE! Chicken fukkitz with poutine sauce and the entire container of ice cream... “toasted coconut”, which wasn't “bad” but I don't like the bits stuck in the teeth. Still... FAT. PROTEIN. SUGAR. SUTFF! ATE! - Just in from the smoke and it's 18F -12° out there! Snappy! - Now I really want a hot water and a snooze. Pondering going to bed at a “normal” hour tonight. I could go now, actually. But I won't... or maybe... Anyway, it's uncomfortable to be in the house. I don't (still) feel as though I should be here. Not to mention: it's cold in the house. (I should crank the furnace... if the usage drops, THAT will be the “reference” and February's coming... with more and even colder cold. Oh well... we'll see. It's 22° in the room right now. While I'm not in, I should keep the door shut... keep the walls warm. Indeed. - Anyway... eating has made a difference in “me”. Now... to figure tomorrow. - 21.08 and a bit of a 40-minutes snooze on the recliner, with Mimou and Hallie! How... “normal”. And the stove is stoked (with wet wood), TV is on and they're settled. Hallie's been out. I've had a smoke. The ear-buds are drying nicely. AND I CANNOT GET OVER THE FACT THAT THE INSIDE OF THE KETTLE IS RETURNING TO WHITE! I put the vinegar in at about 15.30 and already, it's looking almost new! IT WAS A FILTHY, DARK BROWN! IT'S NOW, JUST ABOUT WHITE AGAIN! THIS IS AMAZING! I'll leave it over-night and rinse, rinse, rinse, rinse, rinse tomorrow in the morning. I CAN HAVE HOT BEVERAGES AND PERHAPS, HOT FRANKS AND RAMNEN AGAIN! (Good thing too... only 10$ on the food card until the first of Feb.) But WOW! Something actually worked! (Probably because the “EVIL” forces in the house are gone! I have to find more SAGE!) - And yes, I'm almost ready to hit the bed. Hopefully, to sleep through the night! - 23.49 and time to try and see if I can't get a nap in here. Tomorrow is supposed to be a bit “warmer” with -6°... and “flocons” until after-noon. Well? We'll see how it all runs along. At present, I'm thinking it best to try to make the “lumber run” on Thursday... then work on the rack on Friday... keep me occupied... and out of the “house-proper” and away from bull-shit. - Had a nice chat on Minds this evening, with a fellow in his 50s... from the U.K. How wonderful. Social media... - PS: It's -15 now with a chill of the same. How novel... - OH! And the kettle is almost COMPLETELY CLEAN! (I hope it'll work when it's rinsed.)

Tue.15.Jan: 8.48 and I woke before the 7.30, heard the alarm and... dozed. Heard the 8.00 alarm and... dozed only for 20 minutes. Then UP and a morning “Meew” from Mr. Mimou... Re-started the wood-stove, served breakfast, had m'coffee, just in from m'smoke. The thermo on the porch reads 18F. The plow went by. Of course it did... there's nothing on the road. It's grey. It's calm. It's a MORNING WITH-OUT BULL-SHIT! - It's now 17 years since that fateful morning of leaving The Bronx... 3150 Rochambeau, A67, 10467. 17 years ago. Imagine? No. It isn't possible. And it snowed, lightly, that day, as the U-Haul got poorly packed with Pete and Nap. And the Stormville mountain ride in the dark. The U-Haul sliding on the ice on Grove St. in Beacon. 17 years ago... and still so terribly, disgustingly clear. - And the first actual thought of the morning, as I had my smoke: “Social Security”... the work “security” in there... and there are Homeless people collecting it. Where's the “security” in that? - Well... the clench-guard is rinsing. The kettle is CLEAN and in need of rinsing. It's another day... And I have to toddle to the loo. - 9.39 already and the kettle's just finished the boil! Rinsed and ready... I hope. I don't believe it “boiled”. But it got a touch warmer than “warm”. We'll try a tea later. “They” say to rinse, wash, rinse and run a boil, then let it dry. Well... it's drying now. We shall see... and hope. If not? Hopefully I can afford a new one... next week. - Meanwhile, I'm wearing just a sock and slipper on the left foot this morning! I'll put the “shoe” back on in a while. For now... some semblance of “normal” is nice. - And, it's not “too cold” in here this morning. Now, if I could just figure a way to get the hot water back in the kitchen... not that it would be appreciated. But I don't suppose “appreciated” is of any consequence. (Got a message from Dorothy last night as I was getting ready for bed. She asked “What are you doing awake so late?” This morning I told her about my “naps” and “hinted” at having to work... for no gratitude. “Truth” gets told... and the reality is that nobody pays any attention.) - ON WITH THE DAY! I suppose. - 12.53 AND IT'S BEEN A DAY! FUCK! Seems the kettle does here what it did in 5225: BLEW THE SURGE PROTECTOR! So, there's ANOTHER EXPENSE FOR ME... compliments of Fucktardia. And so, it was an effort, but I've “acquired” the better one from the white room, attached only 1 light to the timer there for the plants, and have “installed” the better one in the little room. Now, I have to make certain that the kettle's the ONLY thing pulling on the electric. Fine. Better that than nothing. - AND... at about 11.00-ish... *HOT WATER FLOWS IN THE KITCHEN AGAIN*!!! The sink is now clean, I took all the dishes from the rack and shoved them into the dish-washer which is now running, cleaned the sink (and the fridge whilst I was at it). Must to laugh: the place was a fucking mess when her Ami was here yesterday. Now, it's a bit clean(er). Nobody knows what this place looks like when it's clean... fucking morons, them. But I've “earned my keep”, as far as I'm concerned. - *** NOTE *** When I went looking for the cleaning stuff (which had been moved and “hidden” in the loo), the floor of the pantry is covered... SHE TOOK HER COATS AND SUCH AND TOSSED THEM INTO THE PANTRY, ON THE FLOOR!!! WHAT A FUCKING SLOB!!! I'm not moving any of it. I'll get a trash bag for tomorrow and leave the rest right where it is. She wants to live like a fucking slob? Fine. None of my business any longer. OH! To have the opportunity to tell her little quntlette the truth. But... “Life” doesn't afford us those moments of joy. (And Pam's words ring, yet again: “Poor Jacquie. She's so challenged.”) - And so... at 13.00 the place is “settled”. I've sent a message and a photo of a CLEAN kitchen basin with full-running hot water to the HLS... “after an all-nighter and buckets of embers in the crawl-space”... fuck her. - Meanwhile, my toe is sore today. Weather? Too much bending with the changing of the surge-protector and the cleaning? I dunno. Don't care, really. It's DONE! (And I haven't even had the chance to put on clothes... I'm still in jammies. Washing later, to be sure.) - 16.12 and a nap... no sleep... just laying there for about 45 minutes. But there's nothing that needs immediate attention and there's been no reply on the message about the hot water... not that I expect any other than something along the lines of “Yes hot water”. Idiot. - What a wonderful so-called “Life”. - 23.24 I had my “Nighty-Night” tea... with water boiled IN THE KETTLE (I just have to make certain nothing else is on the circuit) about 2 hours ago... and I've been watching TV ever since. Now, it's time to call this day “GONE”! Quick check of soc.med. and that's that. The garbage is all in the bin for tomorrow morning. - Plans? Phone for the wind-shield replacement Thursday or Friday (BITTER days again). And take it all from there. - Right now... I don't know that I'm tired enough (?) to get to sleep but... must to try. - 23.57 Got a little “help” from the bull-shit on Minds with cutting it all short: Had about 4 paragraphs of good content and... ZAP... GONE! So? No more computer... a smoke and a nap. Fuck this shit. - Oh... and my damned foot is sore again tonight. Never mind. My “responsibilities” are attended.

Wed.16.Jan: 1.34 got the notion to try to include a frame on the Author's site for the Minds blog... and have been pfutzing. OK. I'm LATE! - Meanwhile... there's all kinds of noises in the wall again... seems like every night something starts crawling about. I have to wonder: It's been another month since any garbage has been put out from up-stairs... I'd be willing to bet he's got critters on the porch... living in his garbage. Well? As long as they don't come through and into the room... as for “damage” to the house? I don't give a shit. - For now... time to NAP! - 13.11 Up and out of bed at 8.28... Pee in the loo, coffee, little ones out for morning “do”. Breakfast served, little ones in. Re-start the wood-stove. Get dressed. Ash buckets emptied in the garden. Garbage to the curb (where there were, this morning, as I must have heard last night round-about mid-night as they were being dragged down the stairs... for the first time in another month... I guess he does garbage monthly-only... figures). Across the street to the post office. Post in. Check of weather and soc.med... it got to be about 11.30 by then! Time... gone by. NEXT! Jammies into the wash (after having to pull damp old wash out and run a Lysol through the machine before putting my things in). Haul fire-wood to stack in kitchen. (Just enough and not more because what's in the garage won't last through February at the rate that idiot stuffs it into the stove. She'll either make do with what I've stacked or haul her own... which might put a damper on her usage... though I doubt it. Still... if all comes to the worst... there's the furnace... and the oil got delivered yesterday so... I can use that when she's away. Anyway, I've put some up for me for tonight... THAT'S important.) Swept the kitchen floor (and probably won't bother with the mopping again... I just don't give a shit. I'll Hoover... when I Hoover the little room... FOR ME!) - MEANWHILE... checked on-line reviews of Safelite for the wind-shield and it's all NONE-TOO-GOOD! I must have ready about 25 reviews... and only about 3 were positive. I've posted to soc.med. asking for actual reviews. Let's see how that pans out. - OK... and so... that brings us to the moment where the “chores” are “done” as far as I'm concerned, the jammies and towel are in the dryer (2nd run). I'm HUNGRY and really don't want to bother going to get anything to eat for today/tonight, and probably don't have enough to cover the next week... other than oatmeal... which I'll be breaking-down and having for “lunch” in a moment. Not to mention, I need to ration the smokes as well. Ah... life. - And so... and so... and I've had head-ache all morning, feeling a touch “episodic” as well. Anxieties, I've no doubt... especially considering the 2k$ trip to the ER that confirmed no “coronary”. Alas... - Well? On with the show... as it were. - 13.27 Just rang and left message at Denis' number. New recording on his number... with “happy new year” and such. Noise in the back-ground as he recorded. I wonder... Hospital? Reason? No telling. But I called. - 15.34 Took another 45-minute snooze, on the recliner, Mimou on lap, Hallie on sofa. - Just had a bit of a “squall”. The temperatures are about to drop. And I need to figure how to eat this evening. - Am thinking about the wind-shield. One review on “Safelite” stated that they didn't re-attach the rear-view properly and it fell off. In these sub-freezing temperatures, epoxy won't cure and there's no sense driving with-out the mirror (I've tried... it's not good). So... am considering just not bothering for a while. See how long the crack will remain where it is and, if I decide to try for the wood for the glass rack tomorrow or Friday... just let Fate do what it will. I'll have more money come next Wednesday... And there's more than enough to eat from right here, right now... the money's with me, wouldn't be doing anything in the banque except providing for the banque. I may just as well eat. That's the “sensible” thing to do... and it appears... I'll do just that. - 21.36 SHOWERED! SCRUBBED! CLOTHES IN THE WASH. HOUSE IS SETTLED (not Hoovered, not mopped, but “settled”). The little one (Hallie) went out for pinkle and both have had their “snax”. Kitchen basin is clean, empty. Wood-stove is stoked. Wood stacked for how ever long it lasts there in the kitchen. Clean jammies. Clean pillow-cases. Clean me. All done! - “Meal”: more fukkitz with mozzarella cheese (shredded shit) HP sauce... coffee ice cream after. Yum. Stuffing. I broke down, took the 20 from the “PP” and got something to eat... also got rolls.. to go with the butter (and cheese) to make samiches, as it were. - At the store, I asked Deb about wind-shield replacements. She said “Portland” was very good to them and that “Safelite” came to the house to do the work and were also good. So... I'll phone both tomorrow for estimates and particulars. Doesn't look like I'll be getting this done before Wednesday week anyway so... So there we have it. - No response from Denis. No word from HLS. No further messages from Dorothy. And my “week-end”... or should I call it “work-end' since it's when I do ALL the work that could have been done during the week in these 2 days... is gone again. It goes by quickly. But I'm just thrilled that I'm done with the showering and the wash is in the washer before 22.00!!!! NOW... if I could manage to get to sleep... I mean... SLEEP... before mid-night, that would be ever so nice. - Oh... the temperature has PLUMMETED... and I put ice-melt on the mat by the porch door... it was solid ice. Tomorrow should be most interesting... here we go again with the cold. AND... I'll be leaving the hot water tap open trough the night tonight... tough shit if anybody needs hot water before 8.00 tomorrow morning.

Thu.17.Jan: 1.51 Had a hefty martini in one of the “new” glasses (from the candles). Just merely barely relaxed me a touch. Then got into the “author” account on Minds and carried away. So? I'll be paying for this lovely jaunt in a few hours from now. But... today... if I don't get out and about to the lumber and such... there'll be time for napping... plenty of time for napping... in this little room... for the next 4,5 days. What a wonderful thing to look forward to... this fucking hole. - That said, it's gone -17 and by 7.00 it's expected to be -22... quite the day ahead. - I'm going to have one last smoke and hit the bed... hopefully for nothing more than a nap... and hopefully a SLEEPFUL nap at that. - Funny: I looked at the Fahrenheit temperatures for the day and saw 5, 6, 9... and thought “That's great! Above freezing at last!” and then it hit me... NO IT AIN'T. Truly, my mind doesn't register °F properly any more. Well? I always wanted to get to this point... and now I have... just like wanting to be able to converse in French... How wonderful... just before I die... as I'd always figured it would be. - 9.32 Up and out of bed at 8.20... The little ones went out, the stove got re-started and fully stoked, the little ones came in, had breakfast, the floors got Hoovered, I hit the loo. The bed's “made”, the place is “settled”. Time for 2nd coffee... and I'm feeling like I've put in a whole day already. - 11.06 and as I tried for a bit of a needed nap... it rolled in... passed the door, said “Hello” and went to the loo. BUT... Mimou came in, immediately, as I sat at the table... IMMEDIATELY, got up on my lap, curled and cuddled and purred... as if he knows: these are the days when I won't be around. He'd come into the room earlier, got into his little bed by the chimney and purred. So content. And I suspect, so knowing. And when I went to the kitchen, under the guise of checking the wood-stove, even Hallie laid on the floor, in front of the stove, just staring up at me. They “know”... Well... nothing to do about it. Best to avoid that “thing” at all expense. - And so, now, back in the room, door closed... and 2nd coffee waiting to be had... and I just want to go back to bed... and I just might. - 12.07 ALMOST EXACTLY ONE HOUR... AT 11.06 THE WOOD-STOVE WAS PACKED, BURNING PERFECTLY, RADIATING NICE HEAT, I'D STOKED IT TO CAPACITY ONLY MOMENTS BEFORE... AND JUST NOW, ONE HOUR AND ONE MINUTE AFTER THE IDIOT ROLLED IN... I HEAR THE DOOR TO THE STOVE CREAKING... SHE'S FUCKING WITH IT! THAT'S WHERE ALL THE BLOODY FIRE-WOOD GOES! ONE FUCKING HOUR... AND SHE'S *GOT* TO FUCK WITH IT. Just noting... before heading off to nap again. - 12.25 nap time. - 15.36! My head hit that pillow and I was OUT! JUST woke to the sound of Mimou out on the porch, calling to be let in! So I did and noticed a note on the kitchen table: “Hallie is with me.” Yep... off out and running. (They've just come back in... and my timing was perfect because I'd been in the loo, pee'ing!) But Mimou followed me to the kitchen, to the loo, wouldn't leave me! Just purring all the while. Oh yeah... he knows... it's going to be a few days until we get to spend any particular time together again. Even Hallie, just coming in, came to the door as I was typing... and she literally hit the door to this room. I believe they BOTH know that things are ... what-ever they are. - And so... THREE hours of “nap” time! THREE hours. So I'm probably going back to the previous schedule: nap here and there and be up and about into the night. No prob. I'm going back to working on the music... the ear-buds are as if nothing had ever been damaged! I even put on a coat of nail lacquer for shine... and a little extra strength. MY ROCKAWAY EAR-BUDS ARE SAVED! - (Seems Mme. is off again... Heard the kitchen door pound shut and Mimou is at my door. Bloody shit-bag, that one. Gee... one would think she'd be anxious to stay and put “HER” house back in order... shitting the place all to Hell again.) - 18.12 Taking a break from the music roster... seems I've over-loaded this lap-top; it won't play duplicates. And so... I took a potty break a moment ago. Mme. reclining on the royal recliner, the little ones are in. I mentioned Mimou coming to my door this after-noon. “Well, I'm sorry. He wanted to go out.” Yep. Fine. Stuff the attitude Ms. Too-Fucking-Good-For-You. Hey! YOUR house was in order when you got in from “work” (as if nobody in the world works but you). So I just cut it short and went to the loo, came back into the room, stepped out for a smoke. I've got no time for the bull-shit. - Thankfully, I've got some chicken fukkitz for “meal” and some rolls and butter. Nothing for dessert though... except oatmeal and brown sugar. I've had less. - OK. Back to the music... I'm only just on the “U”... and what I thought was the “clean” list has duplicates! So there'll be one MORE directory to “clean” before back-up... and a shut-down of the lap-top for a bit... it's wanted to “up-date” for about a week or more now, but I don't DARE let it do that. Bad enough it's acting like shit. And to think: Dell used to be such a good product. Then again, so was IBM. The days of any decent quality anything are gone. Everything's built to be shit. A good time to be “old”... This world is so fucked. - 21.20 MUSIC IS ON THE SeaGate 1Tb! (Now... on to the images... ) - I hear the stomping of tantrum-feet and HLS is off to retire. - I had A roll with SOME cheese and THREE fukkitz for “meal”. (Dessert later? Perhaps a roll, butter, brown sugar. Sweet and deadly.) - Dorothy sent me a photo of a photo-turned-card of THOMPSON RIDGE... THE PAINTING! As much as I appreciate that she appreciates it... the bile builds and burns. In all likelihood, I WILL die with this anger. Oh well. - Time to get this up-dated on-line (at 10 pages on the lap-top), copy images off the lap-top, and let the damned thing to it's “up-date”. - 21.30 All up-dated on-line and HLS fucking about the wood-stove. The day winds to a close... for the world. For me? To be announced.

Fri.18.Jan: 0.02 Fucking Microsoft... and their bloody “up-dates”... took almost an hour to complete and THEN I lost my “wallpaper” of Mimou (I've another on there now), the time/date formatting got changed. This fucking world is SO bloody-fucking intrusive. And I'm in jammies, clench-guard in, I was under the blankets, but HAD to get up to see what fucking changes were thrown at me again! JEEZUS! Well, next thing is, shut-down and see what fuck-ups will happen during the night. Even as I type, the fucking screen is flickering with “adjustments”. FTW... it's no wonder kids are so fucked-up (never mind the old qunt I have to deal with here). - Later? Perhpas a shot at Home Depot (to get the fuck away). And... it's time to re-look at Bedford for a place to go to. (Let's just hope I actually GET my “increase” this month... though I'm not depending on it... I ain't THAT stoopid.) - Back to bed now... - 7.43 and I woke, on my own, WAY before the 7.30 alarm... which got me up by 7.20 with the “alarm phone” being fast. And as I type, the BANG D'CLANG commences in the kitchen. She's shovelling all the ambers out and another grey day commences... in more respects than one. (And I feel the need for the loo coming on... “routine”.) I managed to get to the loo to pee and rinse the clench-guard and JUST as I came out, the kitchen light went on. Oh well. So I came back into the room, finished my coffee, dressed and went for my smoke. Now to figure the BM part of this morning. Always a little something of concern. - Meanwhile, there's a very light snow falling. The roads have a bit of “slush” on them, a truck slid going up to Magnant hill. A “lovely” day in the shit-hole. I'll ponder the rest of the day as the rest of the day arrives. For now, I want to put the thumb-drives onto the 1Tb... more music, more images, more “items to occupy time”. It's what I do. - I'm just thankful this lap-top is still functioning after last night's “up-dates”. Fuck. - 9.24 soc.med. done. Still haven't made it to the loos. On with other things... like thumb-drives and such. The day rolls along, the snow continues to fall... where it all closes... we shall see... we shall see... - 18.06 and it's been a day in the room, with a little visit from Mimou who, for a while, laid on his little “barn bed” quietly, then came by for snuggles and when I let him out of the room, turned to me, in the hall-way and let out QUITE the impressive missive! As if to say “Hey! Come with me!” - (18.27 I was just starting to type when there came a tapping at the door. Invite to dine. Imagine that! “Do you want a drink? There's still egg-nog.” First of all... I don't want to eat food cooked in a pan that hasn't been washed after the dog's had at it. Second of all... I don't want to drink anything so that I can be chatted about with evil over-tones. Third? No.) I'd already had 3 chicken fukkitz on a roll with a heft helping of cheese, whilst watching David Mitchell. There. I've “eaten” today. - Meanwhile, my back is sore, from no BM today, and from sitting here at the table all day, sorting through the “cover art” for all the music, and finding cover art for music that I know I don't have, and wondering where it could have gone to! OH! There's more work now, comparing the iPod to the back-ups of MP3s. It never ends. AND there are billions of image files that STILL need sorting! And THOSE are going to be quite the bitch because I know I've got duplicates with different names. But thankfully, it's Winter, and the temperatures are expected to drop horrifically again. (Matter of fact, they're in the process of doing just that even now.) I have something to do, to pass the time... in “my” room... away. - Next up is the fucking tree which has now been “denuded” and stands awaiting decomposition and being tossed into the wood-stove. If given the opportunity, I shall do so before turning in for the night. If not? When I get round to it. It doesn't take much time or effort. I've already told her that when the wood-stove is down to embers, that's the best time. We shall see how it all turns out. - For now... I suppose it's back to the cover art files. I could have a lie-down... and just might... soon. - Mimou's been “attached” to me all through the day as well. He's just now waiting patiently at the door of the room... I'm just in from a smoke. She let him out as I stood on the porch. When I closed the butt jar, he came in with me. I suspect he suspects something's awry. Oh well... such is the existence of humans. - (Oh, and by the way... she was sitting to dine, got up to get some “treats” for Hallie. I mentioned the quality of the newer ones to be better than the boxed and as she went into some diatribe about the others, I simply came back into the room... and left her talking... in the kitchen. I'm getting better at it. It's RUDE, and against my up-bringing, but... “Do unto others.” - 21.28 TIRED! MY BACK IS SO SORE! No BM today. It DOES make a difference! And I've been sitting, humped over a bit all day at the table working now on the cover art so... What do I expect? - Hopefully a bit of oatmeal with creamer will “loosen things up” for tomorrow... having some, with bottled water and brown sugar and then... off to bed!

Sat.19.Jan: 0.18 Well... that didn't plan well. But one more smoke, a bottle-pee and I'm under the blankets! - Oh, must to mention... tonight the temperatures are plummeting again... I mentioned it during the evening... Hot water in the kitchen come morning? Doubtful. I wonder what the excuse will be THIS time... More “work”? - 10.09 OK so into bed by 0.30.... and then up at about 2.00 to pee, then again at 4.00 to pee, and the SPASMS are back to that added to it all. Technically, I didn't get to “sleep” until 4.00 so getting up at 10.00 is... I don't give a shit. SADLY, how-ever, it appears that this piece of fucktardall (or... fuckatarDell) has interdependently done its own “up-date” in spite of me not powering-down last night! So there's a little “hobby”... to learn how to wipe out the “up-dates! I'm becoming really rather quite seriously pissed! Not to mention, the “brightness” on this screen is horrific this morning. Dark... really quite dark. - Anyway, I've just tried to much about with the settings on this shitboard. Nothing. So... I suppose it's time to get on with the day... I though I saw a bit of sun-shine as I tried to wake... and I do mean “tried” because I laid there, on the bed, and couldn't get out of dreaming... I was awake... aware... but couldn't get out of dreaming. - Never mind... Shabbat today... and pictures to sort through! Yay... Fuck. - BUT... let's HOPE for a BM today! Shall we? - 21.20 AND I'VE HAD A SMALL, BUT SOME-WHAT EFFECTIVE BM... in the WC, but any place is better than in a bucket in the room. - And I re-started the lap-top and adjusted the brightness... the “function” keys still don't work... seriously... this Dell is an utter piece of SHIT! I looked it up... MANY complaints on-line about the very thing. I fucked about with settings and the likes. The “re-start” brightened the screen (after I got a few more images done), but... of course, nothing works properly. Dell... what shit... just like everything else these days. Oh well... - And I over-heard a call to “Pat” about fire-wood. She's ordered, is concerned about the coming snows... perhaps next Saturday for the delivery. If she'd learn how to use the shit properly... but... this is what we have when we deal with the “challenged”. I need to keep that in mind... I'm “working in a 'community home' here. It's annoying, but it is what it is and I'm not out in the -25° weather... under a tarp. I suppose. - 19.24 Her Ladyshit rolled out of here at about 16.30, still not saying whether or not she's going to leave directly from what-ever the fuck function she's attending in St.A. “I'll text you.” says she, as if she's SO “tech-savvy”. Retard. And so, shortly after I figured she was gone, I got up from the bed where I was laying to re-adjust my aching back, rinsed my “items” and served dinner to the little ones. “Yes” she left BEFORE SHE had to do that too. - Well... by 18.00 I was AT THE TREE IN THE PARLOUR! (Oh... the Hoover is in Her Ladyshit's boudoir.. another one of those “takes her a week to Hoover ONE room” affairs. Moron.) ANYWAY... THAT WAS SOME KIND OF TREE! THE LIMBS AND BRANCHES WERE INTERTWINED ALL OVER THE THING! But... loppers a-weigh and ... one bag of needles and a LOT of WORK to get the limbs into the stove (because it was LOADED WITH FUCKING PAPER AGAIN... she's also gone through the THREE little advert-papers I'd just brought back from the post office on Wednesday... fucking retard). BUT... first photo taken at about 18.00 and LAST photo taken, as the ENTIRE TRUNK HAS BEEN SAWED AND STUFFED INTO THE STOVE at 19.08. Needles gone... trunk gone... ALL GONE! And me? I'm a sweating mess, in need of a shower. Not to mention, I just took TWO naproxen for my back. I don't like the idea, because of the medications in the blood AND the fact that it things the blood and I'm concerned about my toe. But I just can't take the pain in the back any longer. - Just sent her 3 photos of the ordeal with the tree. Now, let's see what kind of bull-shit reply (if any) it evokes. - I haven't eaten all day and there are 2 rolls, some fukkitz and cheese here, in the room. I suppose I'll heat the chicken, toss with cheese on a roll. Dessert? Same as last night: buttered roll with brown sugar. 'tis the “life”. BUT... it's what I've “done today to make me feel proud”. I FUCKING WORKED! (And SHE fucking dodged it. OH! OH! OH! As I started at the tree... the little garden pruners were there... a couple of branches had been snipped and shoved back into the tree. Honestly, the words of dear Pam Greene ring, repeatedly, in my mind: “Poor Jacquie, she's so challenged.” No dear, she's not “challenged”, she's “clinically retarded”... just barely above “hopeless”. One less IQ point and she'd be a client in that house on East Terrace and not an employee.) - WHAT-the fuck-EVER. - Time to get something into the stomach to go with the naproxen. - *** ALMOST FORGOT: AFTER STUFFING THE STOVE WITH LIMBS A COUPLE OF TIMES, I *HAD* TO EMPTY THE EMBERS INTO A BUCKET. SO I PUT THE BUCKET OF HOT EMBERS OUT ONTO THE BACK PORCH WHERE THE THERMOMETER READ -2°F... I CLOSOED THE DOOR... AS MUCH AS IT'LL CLOSE NOW... AND CONTINUED THE “TREE WORK”. MOMENTS LATER, I WENT OUT TO CHECK ON THE BUCKET, TO MAKE SURE NOTHING CATHES FIRE AND... THE THERMOMETER READ... PLUS 5°F!!! ONE BUCKET, EVEN IN THIS HORRIFIC COLD, RAISED THE TEMPERATURE ON THE PORCH BY SEVEN DEGREES! A-FUCKING-MAZING! *** - OK... now to get something to eat... I hope. - 23.05 SHOWERED AND MY CLOTHES ARE IN THE WASH! - 23.22 Well, it doesn't look like I'll be in bed by midnight. But I'm showered... jammies aren't washed, but I am and that counts. - The washer didn't spin so I have to put it on the “spin” cycle for another 13 minutes. Alas. But I'm clean and the stove is stoked for the night. Funny, it still smells of pine. Oh well. The baddest thing about this all is that the BITTER cold is due toward the end of the week. BITTER! So they claim. It's OK. There's enough wood in the garage... for me and the little ones. - Had the last of the food supply in the room for “meal”. Got to dig into the 5s or the wind-shield cash now. Good thing there's more money coming in on Wednesday. Let's see how much THAT will be... if I get the “rise” and how much MORE will be taken out. Always something. - At least I have another night with-out the retard floating and stomping and whining about. The little things in life...

Sun.20.Jan: (45 years ago tonight... also a Sunday... G's burned to the ground.) ***** 1.58 Told ya... no mid-night. I am ashamed... not too tired, but a bit ashamed. And now? I'll be EXHAUSTED when it's time to serve breakfast to the little ones.... but I don't care. I now know that I can nap when-ever I want/need... and nobody in this dump notices. So? Time for last smoke, last “stoke” and another damned nap (especially before my back starts hurting again). - 8.52 Coffee, breakfast, try to re-start the stove... I heard the alarm at 8.00 and dozed until Mimou came to get me up. OK, so I'm up... IT'S SNOWING AND THERE'S TONNES OF IT ALL AROUND! MAYBE WE *WILL* GET THE 25cm! MAYBE HLS WILL BE STUCK IN HER “HOME”. MAYBE... never mind. - Maybe nothing, I have to go to the truck today for a pack of smokes. Not at the moment but at some point. Oh well... I need to empty ash buckets too anyway. But right now I want a smoke - Oh... oddest thing this morning: usually it's “gotta pee”, but not this morning. And I drank much water before retiring... this morning. But at least the back is better. Just needs more rest... like the rest of me. - 9.07 Smoke had and photos taken. Temp on the porch reads 5F. Not all THAT cold, considering. But the thought: 3 roads in the “shire”; Square is village, Highgate is county, Main is state... NONE of them has been ploughed. And the snow is STILL just coming down... lightly, but coming. (I always wondered why this program doesn't like the word “plowed”... this morning I learn, and recall, the actual word is “ploughed”. Imagine DAT! Anyway... I'm just about tired enough to go back to sleep, but not quite rested enough to dress and go to the truck. There's a “nap” coming... shortly. But I've had coffee, done a bit of a pee. Nothing in the gut to move the bowels I suppose. Which reminds: getting food for today is going to prove “interesting”. Hopefully the store will be open. I don't count on them. Any excuse to not “work” round here. - And as an aside: As I took the photos just now, the song “Town With-out Pity” came to mind. This shit-hole should use it as the “anthem”. - Never mind. It's “another day”. So be it. - 15.13 Well, I got the back walk cleared by about 14.00 and it's almost covered again already. But I got the truck cleared. It started right up! (Got my “emergency back-up” smokes too.) I put the “Stanhopes” on both feet and trudged out, shovelled the walk, then a little walk-way to the truck. Cleared the back and the wind-shield off. Took about an hour or so. Seems there was at least a foot of snow just on the back of the truck. But the door opened, the engine started and I left it running as I cleared it. Then, drove back a forth a couple of times to “clear” a bit of a space to re-park. *** The brakes are still soft!!! *** When I have the money and the time, I'm just going to take the damned truck in to a regular garage (I HATE the notion of “Integrity”... which doesn't have much these days, as far as I'm concerned... so I'll have to find a “brake specialist” or... toss the task to Fate). And then, since I was out... $19,95 to the store... “Chunky” soup, bag of rolls, ice cream, heavy cream, cinnamon-raisin bread-for later. Fucking whores there. But I've eaten the soup and ice cream with a bit of heavy cream. Calories and fat. Oh... and the ash buckets got dumped ... at the phone shed. I just don't give a shit. Interestingly, the bucket that's been in the kitchen for a few days still smouldered in the snow! Paper. No need to say but... she's a retard. - Meanwhile, a few texts to Her Royal Retardship about road conditions (which are, presently and at long last ploughed), expecting to be told of some sort of “ETA” but... of course she's not bright enough to mention such a thing so... If things are cleared when she arrives, so be it. If not? So be it. I'm not dedicating the day to her comforts or safety. Simply returning the consideration received. After all... I put on BOOTS to clear the walk and empty the ash buckets. I'm also stoking the fucking stove. That's the limit. The more that happens round here the more convinced I am that I had to come here to learn what Ev suggested: It's time to do something good for you. Live and learn. Experience is the best teacher. - Now, my dishes are put back. No “evidence”. I have to figure where to put the cream though. But I've eaten, packed the calories in. The truck is as “clean” as it's going to be. I left snow on the passenger side, in case anything freezes. At least the snow will keep anything from freezing. (I have to run out and make sure the driver's side door is closed though. Oh well...) - And then? Well, jammies are in the dryer and I'm ready for a NAP! - 15.40 Truck door opened. Truck door slammed. Walk swept. Stove fully stoked. Jammies still drying. I need a NAP! Oh... and toe is sore. GO figure. - 21.02 She came rolling in at about 19.00 and the FIRST words out o fher face: “Can he back his car out of there so Burt can finish ploughing?” Mr. Dimballs. As IF I give a shit what he can, can't or actually does do. Honestly. So MY first words were “He's YOU tenant. That's YOU business. Paragraph 33b of his lease.” and it went down from there. No arguments. No bull-shit. So then she starts bitching about somebody at work calling-out because her little car wouldn't make it out of the drive... so SHE called “AAA” on HER card to tow the bitch out. THAT'S why rates for services increase. Anyway... no further arguments or bull-shit. BUT... she brought egg-drop soup, allegedly for me. No, I didn't. I won't. When she'd done eating, she announced that it was there if I wanted any and if I didn't she'd put it away. Good. Put it away. There was some talk about the stove being stuffed with paper last night, and how one “can't put a bucket of embers on the porch” (instead of putting it out the door in the wind to be blown about to burn houses down or something). And that was that. - I ventured out briefly, caught a bit of the news and came to “my room”. - Just in from a smoke. Dorothy sends word: “21F in GA”. Here? -6F, chill of -22F. Alas. - But right now, I'm about to settle for a nap. I'm in the midst of converting music video from .flv to MP4. 98 files to go. THIS is turning into quite the little project. But for now, I DO believe I'll be taking a nap... Maybe a little “tele” tonight for a little while then snooze. If I get up (like I did from an earlier “nap”) with more spasms, I'll just get back to the “project”. Hey, at least I've something to do with these cold days. And tomorrow? More of the cold... and some more snow. So much for heading to Home Depot. (I said I'd make the fucking glass rack and I will!)

Mon.21.Jan: 1.03 Well I never got to watch "tele". Dorothy started texting about the damned "Wolf Blood Moon Eclipse", I posted to the G's blog and soc.med. and well... here I am... here it is... and I've done nothing. Oh well... Had some raisin bread though. And it's bitter out-side. So? Time for last smoke and a nap! - 9.40 I heard the alarm at 8.00 and, because I can, I dozed... until 9.22. Oh well. No big deal. It's -22°, with chill of -29. A very light snow falling and wind. Nothing to do, no-where to go. Oh! I wanna be sedated. - But I had a DREAM... OF DENIS
In Newburgh. On Broadway. Denis, his brother Don, his father. I don't know why I was there but, there I was, and through the dream, I was waiting to get the chance to talk with Denis, but he was busy, having to take Don to the doctor or a clinic or something. Don was quite ill, father was a bit on the "feeble" side, and Denis was the only one able to attend to them and he was most pre-occupied with just that. I offered to drive them to where-ever they had to go to, but they had some sort of "car service". At one point during the dream, in which there was all sorts of confusion about getting Don to the doctor and father to some-where else, there was one moment where I got to tell Denis that I wanted to talk with him, but he was rather distant, having the responsibilities of the family, and when he'd said as much, he went back to wait, on the pavement, with them... and I woke up.
Well! Dreaming of Denis. I'd sent him a message before going to bed this morning... it being 45 years since G's burnt. I must have been unconsciously pre-occupied with him and the event, even during sleep. - Anyway and so, another day commences. No travelling today... even if I had the perfect vehicle. The roads have snow, and the cold means there's ice under there some-where. I've no "demand" to travel. So it's just another day. - Oh... Burt must have come round at some point, to finish the ploughing. The drive is done. Oddly, there's a snow shovel, shoved into the snow at the end of Dimball's walk... which isn't shovelled. I wonder: For whom is the shovel there? From whence has it come? And who will use it? All told... none of it is my concern. Once upon a time, I'd've gladly cleared the walk. These days? Even as I said to HLS least evening: "The Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have done unto you." As I see it, that's what I'm doing... If this is how others wish to have done unto them, I shall so do. Yet, oddly, there's the other adage: When you treat people the way they treat you, they think you're just being a prick. Indeed... that's how it all works out. I see nobody jumping to lend a hand to me. Not even to the point of consideration of saying that more fire-wood has been ordered for delivery... possibly at this week's end. Indeed... unto others as. - And with this entry... on with this day. At least the room is warm... QUITE warm. The floor is cold... QUITE cold, but the room-proper is warm. I've no doubt the house is cold. Again... none of my concern. - I'll just wait for the call to BM now. - 11.26 GOT to use the loo and ... - 13.10 Made it to the loo.... followed by charming chit-chat with HLS and back to the room to work on... MUSIC! And now... as the winds blow, snow drifts, temperatures remain... it's... NAP TIME! before she heads out to the road... again. - 14.24 and up from another hour's nap. - 22.55 ALMOST DONE WITH THE MUSIC! One more directory to compare. But MOST of the MP3s, MP4s, FLVs, cover art, lyrics... ON THE 1Tb SeaGate! - Meanwhile, the furnace is up to 73F for the night, the stove is stoked, the little ones have been kissed g'night (poor things, I've been in the room all evening since the old thing left at about 16.30... PRAISE THE GODS!) - OH... THERE WAS MENTION OF "GREG" COMING TO CLEAR IN FRONT OF THE GARAGE AT SOME POINT DURING THE WEEK... IN PREP FOR A NEW DELIVERY OF FIRE-WOOD! YEAH? GOOD LUCK DARLING. YOU'LL BE PAYING SOMEBODY ELSE TO STACK IT... TO BE SURE. AND THEN YOU CAN "CALCULATE" HOW MUCH I'VE ALREADY SAVED YOU BY HAVING DONE IT FOR THE PAST... 3? 4? 5? MORE TIMES! FUCK YOU! NO, I WILL NOT BE DOING THE STACKING THIS TRIP. - And so... daily "meal"... a YUGE bowl of oatmeal, with molasses (which I've "acquired" from the pantry) and heavy cream. That, and about 6 slices of raisin bread... daily nourishment. And yes... it's "coming through" rather well. No complaints about that though. - And so now... in the bitterness of the cold that is tonight, time for a smoke and a nap! One more round with the music, then try to find and sort all the images and... I can die (again). To think: ALL of this work is on the old lap-top... trapped. One of these days I'll try to get that old one to somebody and see if I cant get all the files (or most of them) off of it... if it can't be repaired. Oh well... one of these days... if I'm not blessed with death... one of these nights. - 23.20 CRYSTAL CLEAR NIGHT! BEAUTIFUL SHADOWS ON THE SNOW. Breeze blowing and the trees are snapping as the freeze. Porch thermo reads 0F. But météo says it's -19° with chill of -28°. Going down to -23° and tomorrow's high, -13° and clear. Just GAWJUS! Especially since HLS is gone. Indeed.

Tue.22.Jan: 9.34 "Morning routine" complete... including a rather good trip to the loo this morning. - Lights went out at 2.32 this morning and the day re-commenced at 8.10. "Sleep" was rather "elusive" this morning, so I'd estimate I dozed-off by about 3.00... 5 hours of nothing more than "nap", to wake to a down-right, palpable CHILL through the house. Even in the room, it won't go above 21°, and sitting here, at the table, I can FEEL the SNAP-COLD wafting about the place! Last night I'd put the thermostat for the furnace up to 73F. When I checked in the room, the thermometer read "64F". Either the furnace is fucked-up or she's manipulated the thermostat so it doesn't register. (I'd sooner suspect the latter... knowing how she is... "challenged", as it is.) The porch thermometer registers "0F", meanwhile the météo tells of "-21° with chill of -17°. Even the porch thermometer is fucked. This HOUSE is fucked! Or maybe I'm really NOT awake and this is all a night-mare. One almost has to wonder. - At least I got the stove re-started easily this morning. Not that it does much good. - I can't help but ponder that there's never a moment in this Hell where there's just a day to "languish"... and the old qunt makes it so. Although SHE can always find the opportunity to snooze the time away in her recliner, whining about how SHE "goes to work". And as I've stood on the porch, looking at the brilliant Winter sun glowing all about in the clearest of sky, I can't help but think: "Psychotic breaks"... induced, intentionally forced... one can tolerate only just so much ignorance, insanity. "When life becomes intolerable, don't ask why some people break down... rather, ask why some don't." - It's "recycling day" today. I should get the shit to the curb. - There's nothing of *mine* to eat in the house today, save oatmeal. I have to ponder and plan something before too long. I don't want to bother getting clothed, but, as is most often the case, I've little-to-no choice. It's all just so rather almost over-bearing. I wouldn't mind so much, if it wasn't for the fact that I'm fought against at every moment in this hole. - I think of how I spend most of my time in this room, out of the house-proper, particularly when the old qunt is in. I don't "eat her out of house and home", I don't have ANY of my possessions lying about. I don't "exist", actually, and I don't bemoan the fact. And yet... anything I do, from mowing the lawn to keeping the house in order... it's always the same: She exerts all efforts in reversing, un-doing EVERYTHING! And THEN whines, bitches, moans, complains. I have to wonder that that "home" she "works" in looks like. Surely the state wouldn't allow THAT place to be like THIS place. Or, maybe they do. (I particularly like the fact that, just yesterday she tried to "correct" me by insisting that they don't work for "the state"... they "work for Howard Center". And as I replied "I've worked for the state, and I know, from personal experience that, people who work in those 'institutions', as you, yourself referred to it, are of a certain mentality where that's the ONLY place who'll hire them... you. I couldn't tolerate it then, I've no tolerance for it or them now." Sadly... I'm in just such an environment: working with the severely mentally, morally and ethically inept... never mind "challenged". - I'm just tired... sick and tired of it all. - Well? Time to dress... take the recycling to the curb (and hope it'll be collected), toddle to the post office. Food will come later. - 10.32 Recycling is out. Post is in. - I put the the furnace up to 75F just to see what it'll do. Put the little thermometer under the work table in the little room to see the temp difference. In the room it's 21°... under the table it's 15°! (I see that's 59F! It's no wonder I'm always cold!) Fucktard, that old thing. Oblivious to reality. As I continue: One has to wonder what drives a husband to take a shot-gun to the wife, then walk out on her, leaving her with house and alleged 5 kids... And the next fool-idiot husband, a devout "Catholic" who prays thrice daily, to use vulgar language and holler at her. (And I'm "abusive". Yes, that's how SHE perceives it... and if it's so, it's certainly NOT *UN-warranted*.) Fucking idiot. - Oh well... the "responsibilities of the day are done, save getting more wood for the stove. Meanwhile... the furnace isn't running and it's not getting any warmer in the house. How "charming". QUNT! - Oh... and the toilet in front of the post office was just removed. Too bad. It would have made a lovely "meme". I hesitated. I lose. Alas. - 12.03 I've had the furnace up to 75F for the past hour... the thermometer in the "boudoir" reads 65F! SO... either the fucking furnace is busted OR she's fucked about with it. Well? Won't it be woeful when she returns to no hot water in the kitchen (again) and a fucking house at 50F (when, on tomorrow night, I turn the fucking furnace OFF!). TWO CAN play at this fucking game. (Or... perhaps the WHOLE house can go bitter... tonight?) - 16.33 A THREE-HOUR SCAN OF THE LAP-TOP because some old "Asus" videos wouldn't play properly and I tried to convert them and that didn't work and the next thing I know... "stuff" running was gone mad. SO? At about 13.00 I started a FULL scan... It JUST ended... nothing found. Oh well. Not that I believe it but... - *** MEANWHILE... *** I GOT THE BACK WALK SHOVELLED, THE TRUCK IS SHOVELLED OUT, I HEADED TO THE STORE AND STOPPED TO CHAT WITH AMANDA (whose hubbie's name is Jordan... must to remember that) AND HELP HER GET HER GARBAGE BIN OUT TO THE CURB. (Poor dear, nobody told them about the MASSIVE chutes de neiges from the telephone company roof... it fell... and PACKED!) After a chat, off to the store for FOOD for tonight and tomorrow night. Fukkitz on rolls again... with cheese, V8, crisps, coffee ice cream. 27-fucking-dollars! Oh well. AND THEN BACK INTO THE HOUSE TO HAUL FIRE-WOOD INTO THE KITCHEN (not much more than just what *I* need for the next 2 nights... FTS... as 'tis writ.) - Temperature in the room is finally back up to 23! But then, it's MUCH "warmer" out-side too. The forecasted "warmth" is on its way... hopefully to be settled by tomorrow morning when I'll have to hit the road! - So now... time to get food together for all in the house. The stove is re-stoked, wood stacked close by to that and dry. - It's been a day... - Oh... and the recycling bin is back in too. Tomorrow? Garbage. (I'd say “trash” but she won't be back until Thursday.) - 19.31 Rudely awakened from what was supposed to be an hour's nap, 25 minutes into it... JUST as I was getting to SLEEP, by Hallie... so I got up, let her out for NOTHING! So... I got the garbage together for tomorrow, cleaned the litter box out (I'd leave it, but the only one who'd suffer is Mimou and I'm NOT having THAT... on top of the cold in here...) Which leads me to: it's -16° OUT-side and IN-side... it's 17°!!! 17 FUCKING DEGREES! AND I CAN'T GET THE FURNACE TO KICK-UP ANY MORE HEAT! Either the fucking furnace is broken AGAIN OR... she's been fucking with it. I've got the thermostat set to 89F and... NOTHING! As it is, I have the “Maryrose” heater up FULL in the hall-way, blowing across and into this room and it's only JUST hitting 23° in here! The kitchen is COLD! I've got the stove stuffed and the flue open for FIRE! If she's playing games, her games are at an end. THIS is reminding me TOO much of Richford at this point and I'm NOT amused... NOT in the least! - Games will be played and I'll see to it that SHE loses... again. Ray Luce pulled the rifle. Cecil King spewed vulgarities. I'm not bothering with that any longer. Now... as she'll be seeing, it's going to cost her, one way or another. Electric for the heat. And what-ever it costs her to have the drive ploughed again for the next delivery of wood. AND what-ever it costs her to have somebody ELSE come to stack the fucking wood. I've saved her from all the expenses by shovelling and stacking and hauling. Good luck sister. You want to be fucking “EVIL”... as Stanhope had you pegged? You've picked on the wrong person... - 20.31 Well, found 2 places in Rouses Point this evening. Sent an e-mail to one. Got both numbers. Will have to phone in the morning. 600 and 635 plus. Let's see... let's hope. And let's hope the “rise” in soc.sec. will allow it... tomorrow morning.

Wed.23.Jan: 0.44 and with-out intending to, I'm still up... watching “Robin Hood”... and the house is FINALLY warming up a touch... of course, I'm going through the fire-wood like insanity, and the “MR” heater is still going in the hall-way (and I don't give a shit). BUT... I DID have a cup of boiled water... made in the KETTLE... in the kitchen where I plugged it in to use it there. BUT IT WORKS! Imagine THAT... after being packed-away for 2 years! - Now... for the ***NEWS***
Just checked the soc.sec. card... NOTHING. I'll give it until 1.00, check again. If not? Going to bed... Dipshit said she got hers this month. Of course, I asked if she'd gotten the rise. At first she said “Yes” then she said she didn't know... then she said “Yes”... and didn't know. Fucking bloody daft twat. But I'd be certain she DID because if she hadn't she'd be all in a snit and twist. No matter... we'll just give it a moment. I need to put more wood in the stove, have a smoke and put out the lights anyway.
1.15 *** PAYMENT MADE AND EXACTLY WHAT I'D CALCULATED IT TO BE (AFTER THE “ED” SWPIED THEIR 15 PER-CENT)!
And I've had my smoke, stoked the stove, put out the lights, brought my kettle back to the room and... yesterday is a wrap. The morning? We shall see. Community opens at 8.00... Météo forecasts “gresil” for noon. Let's hope the truck rolls, the brakes work and I can get my “advance” of a full 900 and no fees (again). Then? I can run to the banque, get my smokes, a little shopping (I'm back on the vinegar at night)... and get back to the hole... and make the appointment for the wind-shield for next week... possibly. - 8.28 and I woke rather SOAKED in sweat, but, as I woke, to the “Good MORNING!” of Mr. Mimou, I felt “rested”! Imagine that! By 8.19 he and Hallie were out and back in for breakfast, the stove was re-started, and “morning routine” was well under-weigh! The only “need” now is taking out the garbage... IN THE SNOW! AND YES, IT IS SNOWING! But of course it is... I've GOT to get to the banques, and get smokes and THOUGHT I'd make a few errands this morning. Well? If I had to go to work this morning, I'd be doing just that so, I'll get me together and hope for the best. The only 2 things that “concern” me are the brakes and the wind-shield. I just have to figure ways to travel where there aren't any steep hills or rotten roads. Other than that, all should be just fine. The thermo on the porch reads 20F. Not “above freezing” but... there's the “freezing rain” to come... and, no doubt, I'll be in that. Fine. It's time to stop worrying so much about so much and get on with “life... in a Northern town”. Really. - A shame, really, that my “blood-work” isn't until the end of February... I thought, as I had my smoke, that I could use some tranquilisers for when “she's” about the house. Reminding me of the 2 phone numbers that I need to ring this morning as well... places in NY. Not that I can afford to simply skip across the lake and move in just now, but, something to look forward to anyway. - Loo time! (How wonderful to have the luxury of being able to go...) -
10.43 GOT THE GARBAGE OUT, CLEARED THE BACK WALK, CLEANED THE TRUCK OFF AND STARTED TO DRIVE IT CLOSER TO THE DOOR TO GET READY TO GET ON THE ROAD AND... FUCKING FLAT TYRE!!! FRONT PASSENGER SIDE... AND NOW IT'S OFF THE RIM!!! I'VE GOT BANQUES TO GO TO TODAY, WANTED TO LOOK INTO THOSE FLATS IN NY... AND THESE TYRES ARE A COUPLE HUNDRED DOLLARS EACH! HOW DOES A TYRE GO FLAT LIKE THAT, WHEN THE TRUCK HASN'T BEEN MOVED FOR ABOUT A WEEK? HMMM.....????
I'm fucking fed up right now. - 12.50 Well... since HLS called AAA to have her co-worker towed... I've called to be towed... to LaRose's in Enosburgh where I phoned and they didn't sound too thrilled about tyre repair. Called Stone's and spoke with the guy who towed me the last time! Now... I don't know that LaRose's has a driver, will probably get Stone's and if Stone's I'll hope they'll bring me there! OH! (I shouldn't be so wrecked about this... It's something “to do” with a day that other-wise should have been spent doing something else. BUT... NOW I have to worry - or not - about the wind-shield which will, NO doubt, crack beyond usefulness because of the towing. So much for the “rise” in soc.sec.!!! But as the nice “Wanda” at AAA said: “They say things go bad in 3s...” I've got the toe, the brakes and tow, and now the tyre and tow. Let's hope THIS is the “three” and have done with them all. - Now... I wait. - 13.46 OK... stove's stoked, wood's re-stacked in the garage, the garage floor is wept, more wood's staked in the kitchen, the floors are Hoovered... and here I am... another coffee... hungry... and remembering: MONTHS with-out a vehicle... at least I HAVE a vehicle today and I have the funds to have it repaired and AAA is a blessing because I can get the truck towed. (I wonder: I paid for “warranty” and such on the tyres... does some shit-bag hitting it with a plough get covered? Oh... there's going to be BIG SHIT from this. I fore-see COURT! Hopefully, the tyre will be repaired and I can be on my way... and GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE... and bring them ALL in to court... And let's see... how about in a NYS court? Make it “not easy” on any of them. Something to look forward to... I suppose.) Meanwhile... coffee and snack. The little ones have had theirs. - Oh... and it's fuking SNOWING AGAIN! How fucking charming! OK. Best to have shit happen in the bad eather... that way, anything that happens in “good” weather won't be so bad. - FUCK ME! - 17.12 AND WE'RE BACK! TIME FOR SUPPER! - 18.58 Now that everybody's had dinner and I've had a bit of a snooze, the bed-bath linens are in the dryer and the covers are in the wash... the *** EVENTS ***
LaRose's showed-up JUST as I was about to have a bread-and-butter “lunch”... around 14.00 or so. The guy had quite the time, getting the truck up because of the flat. (I couldn't watch much because all I could think of was that the tyre and rim were going to be destroyed!) But after a couple of tries and some hand manipulation, he DID get the truck up and WE were off, down the road, via the Swamp Rd. It's nice to be with people who KNOW where in Fuck's name they are. And all the while... SNOWING! Anyway... we get to the Valero station, the truck comes down off the tow and into the garage. They took it immediately. About 30 minutes later? *** “BROKEN BEAD” *** Now, I'm no “certified mechanic” but I KNOW the “bead” doesn't just “fail”... it has to be pushed or “hit” some-how... and... indeed... SOMETHING caused it to fail. (“Drunk Plough-Driver”, one could certainly, sanely suspect. FUCKING BURT AGAIN!) Anyway... 38$ and 30 minutes later, I was on the road again. They charged for re-mounting and repair and re-balancing. THANKFULLY I had the left-over of the wind-shield money with me! Or... it would have gone against my soc.sec. and the card. Still, all said, it cost me my “rise” this month. Am I pissed-off? TREMENDOUSLY!!! BUT... it occurred to me that I was heading into Enosburgh this morning anyway and there I was and the banque there was still open because by 15.45 I still had about an hour left before they closed, so I headed over to “Community” to get my “cash advance” and get the money off the card. And THEN.... *** As the nice teller was working on getting my money, I asked about chequing accounts, told her that I'd been having trouble opening one and why... and she said she'd try and see if it would go through today... AS I STOOD THERE AND SHE TYPED INTO THE COMPUTER... THE NEXT THING I KNOW... I NOW BANQUE WITH COMMUNITY! The debit card is being sent out of Derby tomorrow and should be mine by Friday! A BANQUE ACCOUNT WHERE I CAN HAVE MY MONEY DIRECTLY DEPOSITED! (Shame it's in VT, but I'll accept that... it'll make other accounts easier.) THEY EVEN OFFERED OVER-DRAFT! I declined, of course. I CAN'T IMAGINE! I mean, it wasn't the way I'd planned on going into town, but there I was and there it worked-out ever so well... in banquing and the fact that I didn't need to buy another tyre! - Left the banque, went to Hannaford's, got a jar of coffee, ice cream for tonight and more butter (because it's cheaper there) and... as I've already noted... was back in the shit-hole by 17.00 to serve dinner to all!
SO... THERE WE HAVE IT. OH... BY THE WAY, I TOOK A PHOTO OF THE TYRE AND SENT TO HLS WITH MESSAGE: 10.42. “Anybody want to venture a guess as to how I got a flat when the truck hasn't been moved from the yard in over a week?” The fucking retard replied... 15.50 “No how could that happen” Fucking moron. Well... I DID have it out with her and told her that I'm fed-up with Burt hitting MY vehicles... So now... I'll research the causes for “bead failure”. It's just another something to add to my list of “Why I fucking HATE this town and these in-breeds”. - So for now, just waiting for the TV to come back on. I had to shovel the fucking back walk (2nd time today) to get to the fucking Dish because the fucking signal went out. - But the stove's burning, the “Maryrose” heater is pumping away on FULL, the little radiator is up FULL, the temperature in this room is 24° at long last. Washing is being done. A shower before bed. All is... a HELL of a lot better than it's been. Sad... the quntard has to return tomorrow, and I doubt she'll be blessing us with her absence this week-end. Oh well and alas. - NOW MY BIGGEST CONCERN IS WHERE TO PARK ***MY*** TRUCK SO THE DRUNK DOESN'T DO ANY MORE DAMAGE TO IT. OR... I'LL JUST HAVE TO ERECT A FENCE OF SOME KIND... AND PAINT IT FUCKING BLOOD RED!!! - 21.36 Finished almost all of my ice cream, put the remainder down the drain, container in the stove. Done... THIS DAY IS DONE! Made a new “spread-sheet” for “Community” but can't get to the on-line. I'll wait until tomorrow or Friday. Maybe I have to wait for the card? I can't help but remember BoA... they took my money, opened the account then charged me 60$ for “researching the account” and I had to fight to get it back when they CLOSED the damned thing! Time alone, will tell. As it always does. - Moved the truck to beside the house where I wanted it today anyway. The “winds of change” are blowing tonight. The temperature is rising and the trees will thaw. I've blocked all chances of ploughing. Now I'm thinking: I need to find a safe place to park! Probably rent charges. This place is truly becoming quite the HELL, all told. I've had more than enough. Tomorrow, before hitting the road to Bedford, I'll call those numbers for those places in NY. Now, with money all over the place, it'll be a bit more tedious to keep track, but... - And today I thought: I'll have to change the auto 5$ deductions on the card... or maybe not. For the “new” deductions, I'll change to Community (IF that account remains effective) AFTER this “Pioneer” shit is done... in March or July. Meanwhile, I can still get the money from the card and put it into the Community account. I'll check into how to do that. I DO believe I can simply transfer it (at a cost of 1,50$ I suppose) as I did to get it to OFX. 1,50 isn't bad... for the convenience of getting the money off the card. I'll just have to do it every Wednesday. Oh well... only for a few months, then drop the card altogether. There's a bright light on the horizon... it's a “sun-set o'er the Adirondacks”... one of these days... never “too soon”. - At least tonight will be a restful night. Disasters for today are done. - The house is cold again, tonight. But the wood in the stove is all wet. There's a lot stacked in the kitchen. So she can suck her own shit, as far as I'm concerned. I've put up with all of this for too long already. - I've resolved to saying nothing on the matter. There's no sense. Mentioning it does no good. Asking questions only results in her lies. She's psychotic. As I keep thinking: SOMETHING made Ray Luce take that shot-gun to her. SOMETHING made Cecil King curse her out. It's NOT me! And there's Darlene Cooper: “You know she's not all right.” and Pam Greene: “Poor Jacquie, she's so challenged.” People are aware. (Like Margot... Joe said: “She brings the cockroach out in people.” I can certainly find them... or they find me... or Life throws me into this. Time to get out of and away from. - Just saw the grey cat heading for the barn. Glad to know there's a “safe” place for him in there. The “haygloo”. Not perfect, but damned better than a snow-bank. I'd put food out there but... he'd just become part of this mayhem... and SHE'D BITCH. And when I leave... bad enough Mimou will be stuck with her. There's nothing much that I can do... but he's safe from the wind, rain, snow, and has some protection against the cold. Maybe, if I find one inexpensive, I'll get a little “bed” to put in there. - Right now, time to wind-down. The only things left now are to shower and clean my clothes. Tomorrow... a fresh start... hopefully early. No rush... the old thing will be back and I don't need to be around here... or her... it.

Thu.24.Jan: 0.59 Well, so much for getting to bed at a “reasonable” hour... AGAIN! BUT... I'm SHOWERED and scrubbed and the clothes are JUST done the spin. ... And now in the dryer. So, it looks like 2.00 to bed this morning. Only to be up again at 8.00 (or when-ever the “call” comes from Mr. Mimou). No prob. The money's off the card. “THE” errand of getting it off is done. The truck is parked safely (and I was just thinking: everybody else gets to park where they damned-well please, perhaps I too, should do like-wise, parking in the drive so it can't be ploughed until *I* move out of the way. And so I shall do.) - Anyway... now to pass the time. I'd been thinking a Martini tonight but I don't believe I should... not at this hour... Perhaps tonight, when I can “sleep in” on Friday. Nothing on the agenda for then... other than the music roster... yet again. We shall see (about tonight). Meanwhile, the stove is stoked and going along. In the morning, I have to move the “Maryrose” heater back. Thankfully, the thermostat is where it should be and so too, the rest of this shit-hole. - I'm tired enough to go to bed but... the clothes need at least two cycles so... - Hey! It's FIVE DEGREES WITH A “CHILL” OF 1! PLUSES! And during the day... 5 and 6! Rain, of course, but NOT FREEZING and NOT SUB-FREEZING! WOOHOO! MAYBE I'll have a civil day! (Maybe.) But they're saying the beginning to mid-February is going BACK to the “FROID”! Oh well... That's February. - Reminding me: nobody came to clear the snow from in front of the garage. (Yep... that's Vermont.) And either Friday or Saturday will be another cord of fire-wood... -3 and -13 with “sun and clouds”. Fine. She can pay somebody to stack it for her. As I think to my-self: Let her SEE and FEEL how much she's been saving having her “nigger” do all the work... for free... actually, for the abuse. - 2.04 Now's the time to say “Good bye” to all our company... - 8.47 and “morning routine” is complete... save the “loo”. And yes, it's because of the “HELLO!” at 8.20. I had NO intention of being up and I'm seriously considering another 30 minutes (or so) of “nap” right now. - Thermo on the porch reading 40F. Rain falling. The porch windows all steamed. The packed snow on the drive is now ice. But the roads appear clear. The back walk is anyway... no ice there. - Problem: the damned lap-top is connected to the WiFi! WHAT the fuck? - Oh... I see 7° with chill of 4°. JUST barely making it above the freeze. By 10.00 it should still be 7, but by 16.00, back to zero and the rain turns to snow. So there goes that day of “thaw”. Negatives for the remainder. - 8.53 and here comes the call to the loo. - 10.45 Managed a “lie-down”... not so much as a “nap”. Not feeling any more rested but it's time to get the Hell out of here before the “freeze” returns. - This fucking hole is COLD... the stove's going, the radiator up to max. But there's a cold “breeze” coming into the room.. through the fucking outer wall! I have to just give up. I'm NOT investing any more into this shit-box. I just feel for the little ones. Though, they don't seem to mind. - As for errands... it's a fucking shame to be so anxious over something as simple as errands. But... I'm contemplating Home Depot along the way. Let's see how far that plan gets. - 21.10 WELL... THAT was quite the day! I was out of here by about 11.30 and... yes indeed, up the road and off to Bedford. Crossing was a snap. The fellow (another new face) was delightful. Took the Dutch all the way. A bit on the icy-side, but not bad at all. Bedford was almost empty. - Got to the banque. Deposit was a snap (of course). Toddled o'er to Métro for apple-cidre vinegar, cheese, peanut butter, yoghurt. (I had the yoghurt about an hour ago... “Daily Meal”) and off to “Sonic” for a carton plus 2 packs of smokes. Learnt that M. Fontaine lives right behind the dép! And yes, he's retired. Bedford is becoming quite the extension of “residence”, getting to be known in the stores, the banque, the market, and learning of the “latest” in the “shire”. And so, business attended, it was back across to Fuckholia where the crossing was another snap and a lovely chat with the nice woman there. (1 cars, both VT plates... no prob. The Vermonters don't see us crossing as anything of particular note.) It was raining all through all of this, the truck was fine, had half tank of gas so... the Gore Rd. to the 89 and... ZOOM... WILLISTON! (Continuing from “notes jotted”, 8.09 on Friday morn.) - Oddly, I got into the wrong lane at first and instead of heading directly to Home Depot, I had to take the 2nd turn off which put me at “Goodwill” first. So I stopped in, browsed about for a bit and found 2 rather nice comforters, 5$ each, and was so tempted to get either or both. But neither would have been appropriate for the little grey barn-kitty, and there's really nothing I can do with any more blankets. They'd (It'd) only have to be packed and moved eventually and I try to avoid all of that at this point in time). BUT... as I was heading out, I happened upon a nice little fleece blanket, 10$ and never used, still attached to the hanger. SOLD! Barn-kitty's blanket was on my list of items... and DONE! Zipped out, across to Home Depot. - WHAT a charming place to browse and look and see and... FIND! YES! Got a 6ft length of the 1x3 and another (which I got to cut m'self) of the moulding I wanted! And a box of screws! OK. It cost me MORE than I'd thought it might, but the point isn't how much... since I'm considering it taken from the 100$ she gave me at the beginning of the month... It's a fulfilment of a “promise” made. So fuck them all. They can say what they will about me... and though they'll call me a “liar”, they'll be lying themselves... NOT that THAT makes any matter at all... let them seethe in their bull-shit... which they do anyway, and seething in shit is what makes them happiest. Anyway, got the necessities, toddled out the door, rolled down to Walmarde just because I was there. Had a few more items on the “list” and so, I went in, got my “fillings”, mouth-wash (for the clench-guards mostly), and a few other items including TEN TINS OF MIMOU-FOOD because he was down and I KNOW SHE'S not too terribly concerned about feeding him. She gets Hallie's food at Costco, so I can't get that. But I CAN and WILL get food for Mimou, and I did. Also got a replacement mouse for the one I'd gotten at Christmas and has “mysteriously” disappeared. I browsed, too my time, no constraints. At the end, I got a few items I'd not intention of getting, but the ONLY thing on my list that I didn't get was some slippers to wear in the room. The ones I'd hoped to get, knitted and such, were no-where to be seen. I'm supposing they're “seasonal”... Winter and holiday. Oh well. That's fine. - Not sure what time I left Walmarde, but I resolved to have the yoghurt for “meal” and I was hungry and it was getting rather later in the day. Snow was due at about 16.00 and it was already past that so I just got back onto the 89 and headed North. - Stopped in Winooski for 40$ in gas which ALMOST filled the tank from just below half (good mileage on the gas today) and, of course, rode into “rush-hour” traffic, as it were. EVERYBODY was leaving Burlington! I got stuck having to take the 7 for a while. - Interesting: When I got out of Walmarde, the temperature on the rear-view in the truck was 5°. In Winooski, after gas, it was 4°. Got to Colchester and what had been rain all day, suddenly began to “splat” on the wind-shield; the rain was becoming snow and the temperature was down to 3°. As I Travelled North-ward toward Milton, the “splats” became full wet snow and the temperature continued to drop. When, in Milton, I got the 89... temperature down to 1°, the snow was “snow”. And then... rolling along on the 89... in all the “escaping” traffic, I see before me, bright brake lights... and visibility down to 5 cars ahead! The temperature had dropped to -1°, the wet snow had become a “squall” and traffic slowed to about 50km/h! The forecasted “snow” was upon us and I'd hoped to be off the road by now. Oh well... - By St.A. the road-way had bee covered and disappeared. I just took my time, rolling along at about 60km/h, through Whoregate, along the “Fuklin rd” and... by about 18.30, had rolled back into the yard at the Shit-hole! - The drive had been ploughed again, the snow, removed from in front of the garage. I had to try a few different places in the yard to park so as to avoid any possible future damage to my truck. HLS had obviously returned and parked beside the cedars (which is where I won't park anyway). But... I managed a spot, grabbed my shopping and came in... via the kitchen where HLS was seated at table, going through her post. - IMMEDIATELY SHE ASKED ABOUT THE TYRE! IMMEDIATELY, I CALMLY TOLD HER I DIDN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. SHE WAS RELENTLESS AND SO... I simply said that it was confirmed as I'd suspected, that I'm tired of that drunk hitting my vehicle and that she could rest well-assured that I will be out of here ASAP and should I be given the opportunity to move even on a day when she's not here, I'll simply ring up the road to have the little ones attended. When I get the opportunity to do so, I'll bring the matter to the courts... in the state of NY not VT and all will attend there. SHE IMMEDIATELY DEFLECTED RESPONSIBILITY! I IMMEDIATELY SAID I'D REPORTED THAT SHE'D BEEN INFORMED OF THE PROBLEM, THAT *MY* VEHICLE WAS STRUCK ON *HER* PROPERTY AND THAT IT WAS *HER* NEGLIGENCE THAT CAUSED THE PROBLEM... AND I DID ALL THIS IN THE CALMEST OF MANNER AND FASHION. Now, I know it makes no difference to her... but I'll be keeping time on it and if at all possible, I'll sue SOMEBODY... or, at the very least, drag them into court if at all possible. Yep... I'm tired... burned out... done and finished with the abuse, neglect, general retardation. - ***** THEN SHE DELVIERS THE NEWS THAT SHE'D LET MIMOU OUT AT ABOUT 14.00 (presumably when she finally rolled back in from S.BTV) AND THERE'D BEEN NO SIGN OF HIM SINCE! MY first thought: the drunk had ploughed him into a snow-bank... and my heart and soul simply shut-down completely... I literally couldn't take the pain of the very thought. Since I still had my “over-shoe” on the left foot and my boots on, I took a flash-light, brought Hallie out with me and went to the truck, grabbed the kitty-blanket and headed up into the barn where I put the blanket into the “haygloo” and called for Mimou! No sign of him at all, not even tracks in the snow. I passed the truck on the way back in, got the lumber for the rack and just ignored the situation. When asked if I'd found Mimou I simply said what I thought: “He'll be found come the Spring thaw. No doubt he's been ploughed into a snow-bank.” And HLS went into one of here “common, feigned” cryings. I discussed the glass-rack and suddenly, from the porch... “MEOW!” 19.30 or so... he FINALLY came back! I immediately went out to follow any tracks in the snow to find he'd been under the porch. All was well anyway, and he was none-the-worse. I was rather relieved... and the old qunt went and poured herself a glass of wine... another fucking drunk. - Well, all settled, I came to the room, opened my yoghurt, got busy “balancing” my books and the likes. When all was done, I had my “vinegar-water” and, quite honestly, by 22.30, I'd set an alarm for 4.30, intended only to nap and by not later than 22.45... the lights went out, the day was done. - Tomorrow comes the fire-wood... one presumes... and it's none of my concern. It'll be dropped at the garage, she'll phone somebody to stack it (even though it'll probably be covered in snow and frozen). No doubt it'll be Bradley... and she'll PAY HIM! THOUGH I'M HERE FOR THE *** FREE RIDE *** Never mind... BLOODY QUNT!!!!! and all will be as all always is: A little brick Shit-hole in the village of Fuckholia in the state of Fucktardia. - I've balanced the books for the day... in more ways than one... time for that “nap”!

Fri.25.Jan: 7.41 and although I DID get up with the alarm I'd set for 4.30 this morning, I did doze... and got up and out of bed at 7.38. I mean, right after I'd jotted notes on yesterday's doings, I was up from the table and into the bed... a toss, a turn, a spasm in the left foot (of course... the left foot with the “healing” toe which was a bit blue after all the going about) and the next thing I knew, it was 4.30 this morning. - So as for the agenda? Working on the music roster, hoping to get the on-line banquing for the new US account, and perhaps a little “lmfao” when the fucking fire-wood comes... IF it does, because normally, I'd be right there to stack it... This time? I'm right HERE to fuck it! Besides, I just re-stacked what's in the garage to make it easier to get to to use, and easier to stack the next cord, AND I swept the floor, SO... as I say: in the “old” days, I'd be on it to stack it... in THESE days, I'm away from it and fuck it. - Other than that... pondering how to make it so that the old drunk Burtie CAN'T plough into MY truck again. I've got some ideas to use the wood in the barn... we'll see how it all goes. - 8.06 and in from a smoke on the porch where it's -7° this morning, yesterday's snow is lightly clinging to the trees and the porch roof is showing signs of needed repair. There's a leak up there, some-where, and the wood's cracking. Oh well... I DID mention it to HLS yesterday. I say no more on the matter. I'm in “burn-out”... may it remain so. Better this way. I don't give either a shit nor a fuck. - 8.59 and caught up with yesterday's “notes” that I'd typed last night before crashing into bed and I can't believe it's only just going for 9.00! Sad thing is: I'm ready to lay down again... dressed and all. Just SO tired... mostly from re-counting yesterday and the constant anxieties of worrying about more damage to the truck! I suppose I'll have a bit of a lie-down... 30 minutes. There's really no need for me to be up and about... Today, the new “card” should arrive. I need to settle the “on-line” aspect of the new account. And after that? I don't have anything that I MUST do... save, stay the fuck away from the qunt... and make sure to have a BM. - 9.52 Rudely awakened by a call from “Pioneer” which I didn't bother to take. - BUT... my ON-LINE BANQUING is complete! Accomplishment done! - 10.09 Had the “morning 'Bonjour”, trip to the loo. No BM... yet. But then again, there's only yoghurt in there. Looked at the peanut butter: 2nd ingredient: SOYBEAN OIL! SHIT! More fucking SOY! Will have to contact “Kraft” to complain. - Anyway... ONE of the MOST IMPORTANT issues du jour is done: banquing. Next? PARKING! I can't figure where to PARK in this fucking nonsense. Oh well... hopefully, I'll figure something out. Perhaps closer to the barn? No matter where... there's shovelling involved and other nonsense. This place is more trouble than it's worth. - 20.17 I took a nap earlier... about 45 minutes, but woke, still tired... as is usually the situation. And now, not really terribly tired, I'm almost ready to simply go back to bed. I've had 2 rolls with peanut butter and the left-over shredded cheese from during the week. That's gone, thankfully, and the package went into the stove. No “evidence”. But I'm hungry again and there's 4 rolls, peanut butter, the block of “P'tit Québec” cheese and oatmeal in the room. Not much in the way of “food” but... I suppose it's better than nothing at all. But it's nothing that I really want. Oh well... can't be so choosey. - Figured a quick way to make the rack... using the new staple gun! Make the strips, screw them to the cabinet. Done! Not exactly as “nice” as I might have done, nor as nice as I'd like, but there it'll be. That's that. Serves the purpose. - Oh... sent a message to Kraft about the soy in the peanut butter. I doubt I'll hear from them but... I sent word anyway. (Watch them send me a “cheque” for a refund. Well? I can put it into the banque... in Bedford. Not bad. Not wasted... if I get one. - Anyway, I'm up to 10 pages on this Journal on the lap-top. I should put it on-line.
ANOTHER NOTE FOR THE DAY: *** ALL OF THE DOMAINS ARE RE-NEWED TO 2020! (I'm giving up the “ADK Champlain” in favour of the Wordpress. At this juncture in my life-time, I don't need the site... the “blog” will suffice. BUT EVERYTHING'S DONE UNTIL NEXT YEAR! NO MORE CONCERN ABOUT RE-NEWALS! WHAT A RELIEF THAT IS! EVEN DEAD ARTIST! OK!
So... now to up-date the on-line Journals and perhaps, a bit of “tele”. Maybe(?) a drink? She'll be gone “all day” tomorrow... going with the Balducs to Montpelier. How charming... for her. Me? It's Shabbat, I'm happy to have a day of PEACE. - The fire-wood arrived. She says she's phoned Bradley. AND she noticed that I cleaned the garage! (Didn't say “Thanks”... of course. Not necessary. It's expected of the “Hise Nigger”. That's how we roll around here. Well? At least she'll be paying for the service of having the wood stacked. Good. Hit her in the purse. - The new debit card didn't arrive today. Not that it's an emergency. It would have been nice... but I can't “activate” it until Sunday now. No prob. Another excuse to run the truck and get out of the house... and get something to eat... either Saturday night or Sunday during the day. Which-ever happens. - Meanwhile, I do believe HLS is prepping for nightly retirement. I'll be following shortly. - OH! Crisps and cookies in the room too. Now there's something... “food”. Oh... fuck me. These days are little different from the Shelter... where food, and peace of mind is concerned. Actual differences though: No sign-in, no worries about being beaned with a lock-in-sock during the night. I suppose I should be grateful... yeah... sure. - It sounds like “the kids” are up-stairs this week-end... stomping about. There IS SOME kind of “justice” in the world. - 22.01 WELL! THAT took longer than expected... but both of the on-line Journals are current now. Added photos to pages on both the Journal and the blog. Charming. - The hole is dark. HLS must have gone to “repose” in prep for her glorious day in Montpelier tomorrow. Delight. Fucktard. But... all is at peace and so I've no complaints... other than being here. Now, I'm just contemplating: vinegar or a martini annd crisps and some tele? What I should do is have the vinegar and go to bed! (But I'm leaning more toward the martini.) - 23.40 Opted for the vinegar (30ml is best, according to research... must to remember... but I think that's what I've been taking anyway). And HLS is in the loo. And I'm heading back to bed. There's MUCH more work on the video files to be done... So tomorrow is “booked”. It's supposed to be chilly anyway. - Thus ends the day. I'm just glad the Journals are up-dated... AND that the sites are paid through the year!

Sat.26.Jan: 8.24 It was a HORRID bed-time! Got into bed at about 1.00 and laid there, awake. The last I recall, I checked the time: 3.04! THEN I finally drifted off to sleep. Heard the 7.30 alarm, heard HLS slamming doors. And I dozed. Heard the 8.00 alarm and dozed a bit, planning things that could be done with the day: pulling a bale of hay from the lower to the upper barn and re-doing the inside of the "haygloo", the glass rack... But noticed the hole was quiet. So, I ventured up and out of bed to find a tin of Hallie food on the table, her truck is gone, no notes, no word, nothing. Mimou was out. Hallie came from the bed-room. I supposed she hadn't had breakfast so... they got fed, Mimou came in. And I had coffee and just in from a smoke in the brilliant sun-shine and cold. - I'd left a "Full Scan" running when I went to bed. The fucking lap-top shut down and there's another hour running as I type. (It says I can work whilst it scans... oh well.) - 8.29 The scan just finished. It claims it ran for 7h.38m., 1851473 files scanned. All's well. I'd tried to install an older version of "Charmap" last night but it wanted to replace too many files so I aborted the installation. That's why I scanned. Oh well... Oh well... The "new" "Charmap" is shit. But then again, every time "they" "improve" anything, they turn it to shit. 21st Century. But at least the thing's been scanned (not that I trust it). - Meanwhile, my chest is a touch painful this morning. Much congestion at bed-time this morning. Most of this is nothing but "anxiety" and I know that. So much bull-shit about this place. - Well, where this day goes will be seen as it closes. Lettuce sea. It's another day... - HOPEFULLY my new banque card will arrive today? - 9.41 Water bottles filled. Clench-guard cleaned. Metered glass washed. The room is in order. BUT... this damned lap-top Journal won't keep the “language” function! Honestly! Shit... - Anyway, I keep moving along. Don't know how. But I do. I could (and probably should) go back to bed for an hour or so, but there's no rest for the fatigued. - I DID, how-ever, settle the new USD account with pass-words, IDs, and backed-up the “necessaries” to the remote drive. So? I suppose I've “done” something with the day - 11.51 Card arrived... and cheap it is. AND I'm willing to bet that it won't work in many places, just like one (or more) of HLS's debit cards. But... it's a card, from a banque, in the U.S. and it's been YEARS... almost 8 years, as a matter of fact. So later, after Shabbat is done, I can take a roll into town and “activate” it. Why? Just because. And it's “good thru” Jan.'23! (Hopefully I won't be around when it “expires”... hopefully I'll be “expired” WAY before then.) Anyway... there's the day. Now, I'm hungry... and there's nothing much to be eaten (though I can drop by McD's when I roll to the banque). And... it's BITTER out there! - Post's in. The hole is COLD. ONE bit of fire-wood in the kitchen. NO embers. I'm NOT going to bother with the fire. - 17.15 And the kitchen is back in order, the floors got Hoovered... no saw dust (nor broken glass, teehee). I was up from my nap by just before 14.00 and got up, out of the bed, into the kitchen and started measuring for the fucking glass-rack. Found the mitre saw under the steps in the garage which helped quite a bit and... measured under the cabinet with paper... Cut 4 strips of the 1x2 and 4 of the moulding (5th strip was cut after for the “mounting strip” on the back... and I sued the “salvage” for a “mounting strip” across the front). HAD to get out the drill but... no prob. In the long-run, it made the job “quicker”... I suppose. Found some old wood glue in the cup-board above the stove. Glued the pieces together, one staple in each. The staples aren't long enough to hold on their own so... screws into the strips as well. THEN came the measuring for the glasses. The bases of the glasses are different sizes. Imagine that! Anyway... indeed, ONE pink champagne glass is in the trash. Oh well... I don't give a shit, especially considering the gratitude I haven't gotten for the work. And so, the rack got assembled and mounted (with 6 screws... it's on there alright!), the counter-top got cleaned. I washed the one glass that was in the dish-washer and put 6 wine and 3 champagnes glasses into the rack and when all was “tidy” took photos... It was just before 17.00. ALMOST THREE HOURS OF WORK ON THAT SHIT! So, sent a few photos via “text” to the old qunt... no message, just photos. Reply? “Nice”. My reply: “Yes you're welcome. As Kayla said: 'As long as she has her wine, she's fine.' (Now you don't have to swig from the bottle. Glasses @ the ready.)” Didn't take long: “Gee thanks for the compliment. From what I heard Kayla wasn't so after lots of beer. We are on our way (house) should be there before 7pm.” Me: “Safe travel. Looks like a clear sky above. We'll leave the light on (a la Motel 6... or... 'The North Star'.(wink)” And I'm leaving it at the reply: “Gee thanks do those motels also have a (fire) on (praying and something that doesn't show)” IMAGINE? Funny... but even with all the bull-shit work on the rack, yes, I DID manage to get the fire in the stove going. THAT was for ME how-ever. Sad... she'll benefit from it. But there's NO wood in the kitchen, since I take what I need from the garage as I need. - Anyway. I also managed to stuff a small bowl of oatmeal, creamer and peanut butter down m'throat during all of it so... there's my “meal” for the day. And now? I'd LUV to shower, but don't dare to. I'd thought about it for today but... no time now. I'm just thankful that I got the photos sent whilst she was with somebody else and if they see her response... well.. the Balducs will see just how UN-grateful and “entitled” Mme. Qunt actually is. (If they don't SEE, well... surely they'll know she's received messages... no doubt, she'll make with the “nice Catholic hypocrisy” anyway. I'm just glad I got my “promise” fulfilled, AND got the opportunity to send photos and messages that will be seen, should anybody ever go through her messages... like... perhaps... a judge in a court of law. Not to mention... I HAVE THEM TOO! For “Show And Tell”. - I'm tired now. The little ones have had dinner. Hallie's been out. Mimou... poor little fellow, has eaten and I don't dare to let him out. (Watch him bolt for the door when she comes in ... and I'll be in the room with the door closed... to be sure.) I'm actually ready to go back to bed. “Activating” the new banque card can wait until day-light hours. It's cold out there right now and I've neither the energy nor the ambition to travel this evening. Perhaps I'll get to the music again... for a little while anyway. - 19.49 Had a beer as she had dinner. - 21.09 I got carried away... Minds... “Author”... I don't spend much time on the “political” lately. Just SO fed-up with all the vitriol. And so, somebody posted “Middle Eastern” music, so I posted “Ida Raichel” and that, of course, lead into all sorts of Israeli and Jewish music and... I had a bit of a cry. I miss being around Jews. Sometimes it feels so very empty here. I know there aren't many (if any) Jews in the North, save Montréal, and most of the time, I've no problem with the solitude. But comes Saturday and... sometimes, it's actually painful... and desolate. Well? There's time to move... maybe to Montréal? I don't know. We'll see. At least there's the option. - And so, yes, HLS came rolling in at about 19.00 or so. I wasn't paying attention. All cheerie-cheerie. Came to the room to announce her return. BFD. So I did the “social” thing and went to the kitchen to ... what-ever, and had a sit for a while. She actually DID toss in a “Thank you” and we LIGHTLY chatted about the “wino” reference. She, obviously, believes I was “joking” with my text messages. Let her believe what she will (there's no sense correcting, she's not mentally capable of thinking other-wise and it's probably best too just leave it). But she “tossed in” the feigned gratitude. Never mind. I said I'd put in a glass rack and so I've done. THAT's what matters. And she went directly for her wine, opened the fridge, took out some burger and actually offered! I declined... for several reasons such as the dog-licked skillet and the fact that I want NOT to be indebted. She offered a beer. “It's been in there a while.” Not that it goes bad but I accepted... to keep the atmosphere light, predominantly. Shame... I didn't even enjoy it. “Switchback”. None-the-less... chat went along and she sat and ate quite the meal as I sipped the beer. When it was done, she went to the recliner... I came to the room and that's that. The end. - Right now, it's another decision: drink or vinegar? Either way, I'm almost ready to just go to bed. It's a perfect way to dodge the reality that surrounds me. I'm a bit hungry. There's crisps, bread, butter, cookies, peanut butter... And the truck is out there in the yard. And it's cold out. - There's rumours of temperatures hitting -40 again the coming week. I wonder what it's going to do to the truck. No way of knowing until... Well? There's some money in the banques now... and of course, “Life” and “Fate” being what they are to me, there'll be an “event” that will wipe it out. It's how it rolls. I can only hope that it doesn't. - But for now, I don't feel much like working on the music. I don't really want to go to bed but... a drink, some crisps. Maybe that, with a bit of “tele”, like “the old days”. She'll be off to her 10.00 “Meet and Greet with Jesus” tomorrow. I can sleep in for that while. - OH, almost forgot: she thanked me for having the stove going and went out to the garage to get more wood (since I left NOTHING in the kitchen). Made some comment about worrying about Minou trying to get out. I just sat at table and let her bring in the 3 pieces, making certain to tell that that's how *I* stoke the stove.. bringing in from the garage. So tomorrow, if need be, she'll be “hauling” her own. OH! AND SHE DROPPED A PIECE OF FIRE-WOOD AT THE TABLE! *THUMP! BANG!* AND IMMEDIATELY SHE WENT INTO COMMENTING ON HER “FRACTURED RIB” WHICH SHE'S BEEN TRYING TO PLAY FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS NOW. I MERELY SAID “YOU HAVE TO BE MORE CAREFUL.” JUST AS SHE SAID WHEN I TOLD HER OF MY BROKEN TOE. “FATE” WAS KIND TO ME THIS EVENING. - And so, with that, time to wrap the day up. It was a late one “last night”/this morning. I only got one 1-hour nap in today. So tele and a “beverage” it is then. (I have to get to the Grey Goose in the box though. Not a prob. And because it's Grey Goose, I won't be drinking very much. There's that. (I'll have to get me another bottle soon. Blood-work isn't until the end of February!) - 21.40 Martini wins! Poured, at bed-side. Crisps open. I'm off to “tele”. The day is done! - Pondering tomorrow: to get away, I can go to Brunet (Sutton), vit.K and Biotine. Maybe to Farnham, “Home” for window cleaner or just to browse. Anything to pass time. But Sutton is doable... after “Community”. I'll be on the 105... to Richford. Plans. - 22.04 NOPE! “Home” is in Knowlton... Lac Brome... not far from Sutton! So... there's more in store for the day... Sutton for vitamines... Knowlton for “Home” or... just parce-que!

Sun.27.Jan: 12.31 and the morning's passed... all too quickly! - Lights went out at 1.29 after 4 episodes of “QI and the equivalent of 2 Martinis. Yes... it all helped and I slept through until... 9.27 when, hearing HLS leave for her Sunday “Jesus”... I got up, had coffee, a smoke and pondered what to do with the rest of the day. During the “reprieve” time, managed to clean the clench-guard, rinse the pee-bottle, wash the “Martini” out of the glass... and get dressed (though I'd've preferred to stay in jammies today). I've been on soc.med. since whiling-away the time. HLS has since returned. I don't give a shit. - Decided: I'll “activate” the card tomorrow and maybe head to Sutton then. Today? I'll be out to the barn... there's a cold snap coming... the “haygloo” needs attending. - Hallie's on the porch! - 12.45 in from a smoke, re-wrapped the foot... 2 months after the fact, last night I realised that the “toe” isn't the broken bit... it's closer to the foot-proper! NO WONDER IT'S PAINFUL! I've been moving the broken part. Oh well... there'll be “complications”, no doubt. And to think: all in a day's WORK... for an ungrateful old qunt. Such is life. Others have done worse for worse... or at least, the same. - Anyway, I'm off to the barn. There's a “shelter” that needs work. And there are other bales of hay in that barn that will merely lay waste. Better to give shelter to the little ones who seek refuge there. I'll just do the work slowly. There's no “rush” today. And... it's snowing, so it's not bitter cold. - 13.43 2 bales, 2 blankets, breezes blocked and it's a cozy condo in the barn. - 13.53 Just hacked-up some ugly shit, I can tell you. “Barn dust”... I can feel it in the throat. It's no wonder there's a “nodule” on my lung. It IS a wonder that there aren't 100s of them, after all the barn-shit I've inhaled over the past few years. Anyway... that much is out and down the bowl. A few more hacks and... what-ever. - MEANWHILE, that “haygloo” should provide MUCH protection for what-ever little kitty or creature seeks and finds its shelter. I “rolled” 2 bales of hay up the steep steps, put sections round the perimeter, a couple on the bottom and those are topped with fresh, loose hay. Atop the “flooring”, 2 blankets, folded into 4-thick. The “spaces” are stuffed with hay. AND there's another bale that closes the entrance a bit more, protecting against wind and such. I re-tossed more onto the top and North side. I noticed that something burrowed a “back door” on the North side. I covered it. If it's necessary, what-ever can re-do the door-way. For now, if the temperatures drop as they're expected to do, there's protection in the barn for the little ones of the night. - And so, apparently Mme. has left the premises, and her little dog too. Up the road to get pissed with her chummies? Probably. None of my business. I could go into the banque... market... but not to Sutton at this hour. So, I'll wait and do it all tomorrow. She'll be here until about 16.00 anyway. - Right now... another coffee. There's cheese and bread for “meal”... peanut butter too. No probs with the “nourishment” factor. - (A shower would be nice but... that's for tomorrow evening. Seriously-fuck-me.) Coffee and a nap. - At least my foot is OK, after those narrow steps and such. - OH... and Mimou is in the house.. THAT'S “kind”... I suppose. - (My eyes are a bit “burny”. Hmpf. - 15.26 I'm napping... - 16.34 and an hour's nap... done. Time for sammiches! - 22.03 Two sammiches... cheese and peanut butter. That's that for the day. And the temperature is supposed to be -23° by about 8.00 tomorrow morning... and clear skies, of course. Hopefully, no ice. - It was an after-noon-into-evening of re-naming videos! I just thought: by the time I get done with all of this, it will be about 20k files... of music! By the time they all get sorted and purged... maybe about 4k. Imagine that! All that music! Thankfully, they're all on a “drive”. I could NEVER keep up with all the CDs and such! Ah... the old days. - And no HLS today. Now THAT'S something to be said. No wonder it's been peaceful. And tomorrow... she takes off (again) for a few days. But in the morning, I hope to be out of here, rather early, to the banque, and if so... and if all goes well (IF)... I'll get to Sutton. I probably should stop by at the wind-shield places to get “estimates” as well. I've got the cash... before I spend any of it on something. Thankfully it's cash and not on a “card”. - Anyway, it's only about -7° right now. But if the little grey kitty goes looking for shelter... at least I know there's good shelter to be found, in the barn, tonight. I keep thinking of how Mimou managed to survive the -40° night(s) in MUCH MUCH less. Poor little guy. - Well? Tomorrow evening he and Hallie and I get to spend some time together. And I'm looking forward to a “SCRUB”... and a “dressing change” this week. YAY! - Now, if only my lungs would clean out a bit. There's still some barn-dust in there. ICK! - I won't be awake much longer... tonight's “nap” will be a night's sleep (what-ever that might be). I've had my vinegar. No “beverages” tonight. And tomorrow... there will be food to eat... I hope. - 23.41 LATE AGAIN! Finished the cheese. Had last smoke. The wind is up and the temperature is DOWN! And I'm SO hoping that the extra hay and new blanket are enough to keep that little grey kitty warm enough. It should be. That little “haygloo” has never been so carefully attended. It didn't take long, but it's quite secure and insulated. I just wish I could heat it, some-how. But then again, there's no telling WHAT would inhabit it... other than the cat. As it is, the original blanket that was in there was the white “felt” that I'd used at 5225 and it had a large hole in the centre today. Oh well... the new blanket should be quite comfy. I mean, in all actuality, were the space larger, even *I* could spend time in it. Oh well... that's me: always anxiety. - Now I hope for good tyres and a properly-running truck in the morning and a safe travel during the day (and a wind-shield that won't just bust). - OK. Just checked a couple of places on-line and bales of straw are recommended even for insulating HOUSES! And I DO have to remember that even just the bales helped that hen survive in the barn through an entire Winter... and she never came out of there into the light of day. So... that “haygloo” should provide QUITE the insulation and a relatively comfortable place for kitty. I feel a bit better now. - Also found an idea to keep the pipes under the kitchen from freezing: LIGHT BULB! Maybe even a low-watt infra-red bulb! IF I have the time (and money and what-ever) tomorrow, perhaps I'll look-up something to rig down there. Could hurt. Though I'm SURE Mme. won't approve on the grounds that it uses electric. (Even though it made no difference when the Twats were running the air conditioners in April.) Oh well... we'll see. - Time to get into bed!

Mon.28.Jan: 0.09 Just a quick note: The toe/foot... could take as much as 12 weeks to heal. Although, I've got a feeling this one's going to have complications. It's still “bruised” and it shouldn't be. Oh well. - 9.21 and in from a brisk smoke. - Odd... before going to bed (this morning), I was looking forward to getting on the road and running errands. This bright, crisp, clear, sunny morning? Not so much. Tyres. Engines. Rockers. Wind-shield. Anything. Everything. It all goes to shit once I'm up and out of bed. I woke with the 8.00 alarm... actually, I woke at “7.15” and decided to wait for the alarm. It sounded, I turned it off and dozed until 8.57. No rush. “Things” don't really open until 10.00 and there's no particular “rush” anyway. But even with that, the whole day just flops into either ambiguity or a simple “I don't want to be bollocksed. Oh well. And then there's the “fragrance” of sweat this morning. And the bruise on the left foot. All said, it's more likely just being “here”.. “Here” is more than enough to kill any sort of “positive”... helped along by the bang-clang and thump-thump of the moron in the kitchen. Reminders of still being in the “institution”. - I vaguely recall having a bit of a “dream” at one point. Something about children, unruly, nasty children. That's all I can recall. Annoying children. Much like the one who rules the “home” here. It's disgusting, depressing. - Oh well. - 9.30 now. I'll need a “loo-run” before leaving and then? Nothing less than a trip into the banque, for the new card. Trying to decide between the 2 “NIP”s: stick with the established or go with the “new”. There's a moment to ponder. - -17° this morning. -16° for today's “high”. -5 for tomorrow... and snow. Today really should be the “errand” day. - I need the loo. It shouldn't be an “issue” but, everything in this house is an “issue”. Oh... dear... well... what-ever. - 9.50 and the loo-run done... though it's going to be a day of “post cheese”... not comfy. Time for 2nd coffee, 2nd smoke and then to the day. And yes, I asked permission to use the loo... she was “pleasant”... delusional old thing. - 11.01 Been on soc.med. having 2nd coffee (slowly because of “intest-I-nal” circumstances) and “Davie” has come by... knocking on the back door which I ignore anyway and Hallie doesn't bark or “notify”. I'm suspecting something needs “doing” up-stairs today... in prep, prehaps, for the “new loo window” that was supposed to have been installed weeks ago but... never mind. Meanwhile, there's a pile of fire-wood in the drive, in front of the garage, that's been snowed-upon and I'm NOT going to do what I'd prefer to do (stack it in the garage) primarily because I WANT her to have to PAY to have that job done and so, see how much she's managed to pocket, for all the times I'VE done the fucking work. Anyway meanwhile, my “bowels” aren't “well” this morning but I must to toddle along. Here's HOPING the travel is UN-eventful! - 13.53 AND DONE! New NIP on the card, and Hannaford's (chicken for “meal”) had a civil size of FAGE yoghurt! Only 5% and plain but... The chicken is on the porch to remain frozen and Ill have the yoghurt for “lunch” for my sour bowels. - Meanwhile, HLS sits at her lap-top, from when to judge, the living and the dead (and those of us on the cusp). The “winder-fller” has arrived (should have been here at noon) I believe. Oh well... whaat-ever. I'm just grateful that the trip “into town” went UN-eventfully. - 14.19 WOW! Good thing I back-up all the “Photobucket” images! I want to re-do the banner for the Voy board and... can't get into the Photobucket account with-out a “confirmation” of the e-mail which is “a.tirade” (alicia) which asks where I spent my honeymoon and I can't remember! SO... looks like ALL the Photobuckets are now... defunct. Fuck! - 19.12 Well... she rolled out of here JUST before 17.00 after telling the woes of the incorrect window being installed up-stairs AND... MENTIONING THAT SHE'D LIKE TO TELL Mr. Dimballs THAT HE EITHER CLEANS THE PLACE, GETS SOMEBODY TO CLEAN THE PLACE OR HE'LL HAVE TO LEAVE... AND THEN ROLLED BACK ON IT SAYING THAT SHE WON'T RE-NEW THE LEASE WHEN IT COMES DUE. THE PLACE IS *THAT* FILTHY... ME? I ALMOST HAVE TO LAUGH BECAUSE, GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY, *HER* PART OF THE HOUSE WOULD BE JUST AS BAD... IF NOT WORSE, IF *I* DIDN'T CLEAN IT EVERY TIME SHE LEAVES. IT'S LIKE SHE WHINED ABOUT THE PLACE UP THERE SMELLING “OF ANIMAL”. THE TRUTH IS: IF *I* DIDN'T CLEAN *HER* PART OF THE HOUSE, IT TOO, WOULD SMELL “OF ANIMAL”... AND GARBAGE... AND ROTTING FOOD... AND GENERAL FILTH!!! AS A MATTER OF FACT, *SHE* WAS THE ONE WHO FELT SHE *HAD* TO CLEAR THE ENTANCE TO THE UP-STAIRS PLACE OF ICE AND SNOW... AND DROPPED ABOUT 10lbs OF ICE MELT, ALL AT ONCE, OF COURSE, ON THE THICK ICE THAT *SHE* HAD TO TRY TO CHOP AWAY WITH HER SHOVEL. ALAS! ALACK! WOE BE SHE. FUCKTARD. HEY! YOU GET HAT YOU ASK FOR *AND* WHAT YOU DESERVE. NO THANKS TO ME FOR ALL THE WORK I PUT IN HERE? WELL... THERE YOU GO AND THERE YOU HAVE IT. TOUGH SHIT. - Meanwhile, the wood in the garage is down to where there's probably JUST enough for me to burn whilst she's gone. What's left is the “sides” for the stacking of the wood in the drive... which I'm NOT going to do. (Especially considering how sore my foot is lately.) SO... again... there she has it. - And as for this afternoon... I managed to work on the old “Voy” board today. Got the image up from my “Design” site so there's no trouble or worry about it disappearing because “Photobucket” goes down. And I made it look “neater”, posted a little “notice” from the “Forum Admin” inviting others to participate (again) and reminding of how many have been banned from “the other” board. Will it make any difference? Probably not. But at least it appears that there's somebody paying attention. Maybe I'll participate... based on the shit I see on “the other” board... particularly the “District Attorney” involvement in NFA. By GOSH... that school's gone to shit. But then again... we look at where it is. - So, Davie had come today to disconnect the dryer up-stairs and to take the shelves down for the window installation and came back to re-connect the dryer. HLS told him that the glazier said he'd be back “in a couple of weeks”. Right. No comment necessary. - Me? I've had my chicken from today. There were only FOUR pieces in the box instead of the 6 that they USED to put in there. 8$ for one meal. But I ate it all and had half the bottle of V8 with. I have food in my gut tonight... and had finished the container of yoghurt for “lunch” too. - Right now, there's wood in the stove (after I cleaned it out of course), my jammies and such are in the wash. No ice cream for dessert tonight, but I'm not concerned. - And it's quite cold out there. Still all sorts of horror stories about the “COLD” coming tonight through Wednesday. In fact, HLS sent message that she'd arrived to work and that tonight the hot water should be left to drip. (Not a prob for me... now. Let's see what Wednesday night will be like... and if I feel like letting the water run... If not? Oh well. That's the way the water freezes.) - I'm tired now. But I need to wash my clothes, the covers, ME! And so, I shall, before seepie-nigh-night tonight. - Amen. - 23.58 SKUH-RUBBED! HEAD *AND* TOES! NO DRESSING ON THE FOOT! And a damned good thing too because when I took the dressing off tonight... STENCH! O GAHD! STENCH! I saw why, when I went to put the new dressing on... but meanwhile, I sprayed the foot with “Clean-Up” a few times as I showered, then actually WASHED the foot and between the toes with super-sudsy flannel! Rinsed ever-so thoroughly. So it got bleached as well as washed. No pain, oddly enough. And the damned thing looked as if nothing could have been “wrong”, save the broken toe is a touch puffier than the rest. Still... it went right along ever-so quite well indeed! And so I am CLEANSED... my bed-linens are CLEANSED... my jammies are CLEANSED... and my clothes are BEING CLEANSED as I type this. NOW... as for the STENCH... DEAD FLESH... PEELED OFF THE 2nd TOE FROM THE “GREAT”! Quite raw, from 2 months of tape! GOOD THING I BOUGHT ANOTHER BOX OF PADS WHEN I WAS IN WILLISTON! IT TOOK FOUR OF THEM TONIGHT. Can't put tape on the raw toes, so each toe had to be padded and then taped back together. I mean... I've a MINIMUM of another 8 DAYS before the “2 months” is done - 8 weeks, as it were. And who knows? There might be an ADDITIONAL 4 weeks... because, as I'm to understand, it can take 12 weeks for a broken TOE to heal, and THIS is in a place where it keeps getting bent anyway. Had I gone to the Osteo, I'd probably be in a plaster cast. But I'm not and yes, now, there's “irritation”, but over-all, I can't really call it “pain”. I'm just relieved that the toes and the foot have been CLEANSED! (Even if I AM up SO much later than I'd liked to have been.) What I don't do for “cleanliness”. Such a shame to be surrounded by such slobs. - Speaking of which... I stacked more wood in the kitchen earlier this evening, as the chicken nuked. Hopefully, JUST enough to take me through til Thursday. (There's more in the garage... I just don't want to be bollocksed.) And I FINALLY got the stove hot enough to make it worth the burning. Now, to hope for enough wood to keep it going enough to have embers in the morning (when I'll put the thermostat back up... and see if it even works... which I doubt because it didn't last week and I've got the feeling she's fucked with it but... what-ever). - And now it's time for a smoke... and maybe a drink... I'll have to decide when I come in from the smoke. Tah-fucking-dah!

Tue.29.Jan: 0.09 I can't believe the first month of the year is almost gone already! - * I TRULY AND REALLY AND SERIOUSLY NEED TO GET THE ACTUAL FUCK THE HELL OUT OF AND AWAY FROM HERE!!!!! * - 2.39 and the laundry JUST got done! AND.. it's not even completely dry! “Expensive” and “high quality” washer and dryer. I'm going to be a waste in a few hours. Thankfully, only one “Martini”. Oh well... time for last smoke and a try for sleep... a nap... in a clean bed though. - 8.38 and it was up at about 8.00 with the alarm and then REALLY up and out of bed by 8.20. Not quite 6 hours... and I tell ya, I'm having my smoke and heading back to the sack for a while! Routine is almost done... stove's going, the little ones are eating, I've pee'ed and had coffee, I just want my smoke and that's that for now. I'm TIRED! And it's cold out there, grey, and McCuin is just finishing an oil delivery. (I can't help but remember that, 2 months ago, he was on the back porch, just leaving the bill, when I stepped out onto to porch from the door of the little room... and I was “shoe'ed”, as it were. Oh the times... good times.) - Anyway, speaking of times... it's time for that smoke... and a NAP! - 10.47 and a 90-minute “nap”. I don't feel any more “rested” though. But thankfully, it's not so damned COLD out there this morning. Says on the météo... -4°. Imagine? Minus 4... “not so cold”. Oh well... Life in a Northern town. - Now, 2nd coffee time. And from there? What-ever. - 15.02 AND... There's a bowl of snow melting on top of the wood-stove which is fully stoked thanks to the fresh stack of wood beside it. The ash buckets are empty. Today's post is in. The sherpa is washed and dried. And my left foot is PAINFUL after a morning of just wearing a slipper. I had the last 2 rolls with peanut butter and molasses. And I can't believe the day is as far gone as it is. The very light flocons are still falling out-side. The temperature is still almost comfortable. I've gleaned the soc.med. today. Now I have to wonder what to have for “meal” this evening. Possibly pasta... with poutine sauce. But I'll have to go to the store for the pasta (and ice cream... since I'll be there). - Other-wise, I'm off to the parlour for a hot some kind of beverage and a snooze. I have to get off this foot... and I have to find some kind of slipper that will provide warmth! - 22.34 Well... had another nap this evening for about 40 minutes and at about 16.45 headed over to the store for pasta, Chunky soup, ice cream. Back at 17.00, washed the pot (of course, it was FILTHY as usual), put the pasta on, served dinner to the little ones, went out for a small bowl of snow. YES! I DID GET THE STEEL BOWL FULL OF SNOW AND MELTED IT DOWN FOR PLANT WATER... AT LONG LAST! And the little bowl, added to the snow that was left on the wood-stove made enough water for 5 bottles and an extra smaller bottle. The plants will be happy now. Especially since the Richford Christmas cactus is blooming again. Dinner done for all, and dishes all washed and put back where they were, it was time for another 30-minute nap. I'm SO tired today... and the pain in my foot doesn't make matters better. To think, last night, it was painless. Thorough cleansing and new dressings. But it's NOT the toe... it's the foot, where the break is. Nope... that thing is NEVER going to “heal” properly. But? So be it. Maybe one day, if I ever learn of HLS selling off anything else... But I doubt that will every happen. She pisses her money away so fucking fast. WHINE! - Moving on... at about 20.00 I let Hallie out and served “snax” and had settled to a cup of hot water when... at about 20.30, I heard the plough heading down the main! Back up, “foot-wear” on... I moved the truck... into the drive, at the end of the walk. THERE WILL BE NO BURT RUNNING ABOUT WHILST I'M HERE ALONE! Came back in, cleaned the litter box for tomorrow's garbage to find THE FUCKING GARBAGE BAG IS FULL OF FOOD! THE QUNT CLEANED THE FRIDGE ON SUNDAY AND PUT THE LEFT-OVERS INTO THE GARBAGE! ANOTHER FUCKING HEAVY BAG TO DRAG! Oh yes, I'm seriously seeking revenge. Part of it is though, that I've cleared ALL of the “stacked” wood from the garage and brought it into the kitchen... where *I* will burn it, needed or not. And thankfully, tonight, the temperature out there is merely -4°, not at all bad. But the stove is glowing and burning and warm... and that's how it's going to remain... until ALL of the wood in the kitchen is gone! There's another cord out in the drive plus the “end stacks” in the garage. Let HER figure out what to do with it. I'm doing NOTHING about it at all. - And so, I've been watching a bit of TV in the parlour, just in from a smoke and soon to head to bed... hopefully the foot won't be painful. (On the last nap, the pain woke me... we're back to dangling the foot over the be... damn it.) - Now for a bit of soc.med. and to work on getting my “Minds blog” into my “author” site. It's perplexing, to say the least. Last night, I got a page to hold a “Voy” board. The “Minds” page is an enigma. I've a feeling they coded the site so that it can't be pulled. Oh well... just something more to learn... if I can stay awake long enough.

Wed.30.Jan: 1.50 Mr.G's SITE NOW HAS A “VOY” FORUM ON THE “SOJOURNERS” PAGE! And I've got work to do on the BLOG page and other-wise and where's but not now. I need another “nap”! - Meanwhile, météo claims it's -5 out there and “faible neige” but I was just out for a smoke and the neige is anything BUT “faible”! There's quite a considerable accumulation! I'm just glad I moved the truck. Now, if Boozon Burtie wants to plough, he'll have to settle for the Highgate St. end and that's that! FUCK HIM! And oh... the pile of fire-wood in the drive? Yep... snow, the melt, there's rain in the forecast toward week's end and then return to freeze. Alas... - For now... one more smoke and NAP time! - Mr.G's SITE NOW HAS A “VOY” FORUM ON THE “SOJOURNERS” PAGE! - 2.10 All sorts of noises on the porch... I was just out in the kitchen, pulling the remaining wood from the garage in... went out there to re-stoke the stove and because of noises that sounded like they were right out-side the room door, in the hall. I had the door shut to keep the warmth in the room. The house is gone chilled. But now... it sounds as if somebody's walking on the porch. Well? Here we go! I was going to go out there for a smoke anyway. -
2.21 JUST IN FROM A SMOKE AND TO CHECK THE NOISES AND THERE APPEARS TO BE SOME SORT OF “FOOT-PRINTS” IN THE SNOW THAT COME FROM THE HIGHGATE STREET, ACROSS THE YARD AND ONTO THE DRIVE, GOING TOWARD THE TRUCK! ONLY ONE SET, AND THEY'RE SET RATHER FAR APART. I DON'T KNOW HOW ANYBODY COULD RUN THAT, BECAUSE IT'S SOLID ICE UNDER THE SNOW AND AT A PACE, THEY'D HAVE TO HAVE SLID AT SOME POINT. BUT THE PRINTS SEEM TO END AT THE TRUCK. A CAT? PERHAPS. STAYING UNDER THE TRUCK. IT WOULD HAVE HAD TO BOUND ACROSS THE DRIVE, BUT THE FOOT-PRINTS BOTHER ME. IT WOULD BE IN MY BEST INTEREST TO GET A GUN FOR THE DURATION OF MY “RESIDENCE” IN THIS SHIT-HOLE. AS IT IS, I WENT OUT WITH THE MACHETTE.
Well... I'll leave the light on in the room for the night, to give the appearance of somebody being awake in here. And I'll try for a snooze. In a few hours, I'll have to get the garbage to the curb. I'd do it now but the snow would have it covered anyway. - FUCK THIS PLACE! JUST FUCK IT! - 10.30 Well its already been quite the morning. I heard the 8.00 alarm, turned it off and shortly after... “MEOW!” OK. Mimou and Hallie were up and hungry and in need of going “out” so, by 8.12 I was up and out of the bed, let them out, re-stoked and re-started the wood-stove (with-in about 2 minutes, no fuss, no bother, no bang... of course), had my pee, coffee, pulled the very last of the “stacked wood” from the garage and by 9.01 went back to bed for what I'd hoped to be an hour but... NOPE. 20 minutes later, I was up again... thinking about a “free P.O. box”. SO... up, dressed, look up the “qualifications” for the box, tried phoning the main P.O. number. “Wait time greater than an hour”!!! So I did a little research and whist, decided to put the garbage out and toddle across the road to ask Lisa about the box. And so I did. - Out-come of THAT? Because the box application has to go through “Highgate”, Lisa said that (a) Shedrick is on vacation for a week so nothing would be done before then and (b) chances are pretty much settled that she'll say that I'll have to put a box up... IN FRONT OF THE POST OFFICE which means Gina would be delivering... and I'd be the LAST on the route! (Mail in at 17.00 or so?) ANYWAY... the OTHER ramification, IF I DO put a box up over there: NOBODY at 5199 will ever be entitled to a free box again. SO? I, like Lyle, could certainly give the town a run for it's existence. And right now? Between making head-aches for Shedrick and “giving one” to the folks in town... as Lisa put it: If you have all that time on your hands... Well Lisa? I CAN have all that time... and I'll MAKE the time... just to see how it pans out. - Anyway, as all is at this moment, my back is giving me “trouble” this morning... no BM in a couple of days. I'm hoping to have one... today... soon... hopefully after my 2nd coffee? The garbage is at the curb. Stove is going. This shit-hole needs a Hoovering. My finger nails need filing. Last night's snow ACCUMUALTED and the truck is still at the walk, which has been shovelled but not salted (and won't be salted because I have no more and am NOT going out to get any). The truck appears to be in “good order”, considering the “events” of this morning that caused to be have a “not-so-restful” morning's sleep. Somebody ploughed the drive to the phone company this morning. Won't be happening over here today, I'm NOT moving the truck! The snow is covering all the fire-wood in the drive. As I saw: Snow, melt, soak the wood, freeze... again. Hey! SHE said she'd called Bradley to stack it... just as she'd called Rick to install the new door to the garage (which will, I've a feeling, be warped because it's been sitting in the garage where the snow comes in through the old door). “Life”, m'dear, can be quite the bitch... and since you choose to be quite the qunt... enjoy your companion. - For now... I'm on the “hour” hold for the P.O. and off to the loo... following 2nd coffee. As for the rest of the day? It will be what it was when it's done. - 12.43 FINISHED the BLOG on G's to include notice of the forum... and all the while, on hold with the P.O. where I've “opened a ticket” and the enquiries into the free box will be coming from “corporate” now. HAH! - The sun's come through. Brilliant sky. Temperatures still not UP to freezing, but not too bad. And the day rolls along. - I've managed a bit of a BM at last. So I suppose things are going well-enough... for now... until somebody shoves some kind of un-necessary drama into it all. - Hallie's in the living-room. Mimou just came in and is snoozing on his little “bed” by the chimney. It's “a day”... Of course, it's not over yet. There's still time for turmoil. All we can do is hope that there's none to come. - 13.46 and Boozer Burtie just left the drive... and as usual, did his best to get as close to the back end of the truck as he could. BUT... I didn't and I won't move the truck until need be to do so. - Meanwhile... the forum's done on G's which side-tracked me to the WP version and then to the Minds “channel” which distracted to contribute to the music there and... well... I'm hungry and I've nothing to eat until “meal” so... TEA TIME! (Water heated in the kettle! YAY!) - 22.34 AND... THE “MINDS” BLOG IS ON THE “AUTHOR” SITE AND THE “BLOG” PAGE IS UP-TO-DATE! THE “FORUM” IS RUNNING ON THE “G's” SITE! THE SITES ARE CURRENT! I finished my ice cream. I had the rest of the soup and sauce with pasta, finished the V8. I've EATEN today! Even had a bowl of “chocolate oat meal” for “lunch”! Calories are on! - In other news... I went to the post office and inquired about a “Group E” free PO Box today... Lisa nailed it! I went to the “customer service” number for USPS to ask about the box, they contacted the Fuck-hole PO who contacted the sick qunt Shedrick who responded that I can put a box up across the road, in the little space between the PO and the green house next. So, tomorrow, I'll just report Shedrick for having done the same to the Gliddens: denying them their right to a “Group E” box. Will it get me anywhere in particular? Probably not. But I'll lodge a formal complaint... and see how much farther I can take it... and her. I've got some time left here to create a Hell for her. It's only the “Golden Rule”... she does unto others and others will reciprocate. - And for now, the stove wood is OK for the night and a bit tomorrow. The floors got Hoovered. The kitchen floor got mopped. The shit-hole is in order. - My foot hasn't been too bad today. But I do know that it's not healing properly. Well... I'll have it checked when I get to the clinic at month's end next. If they send me off for x-ray and there's complications, I'll just lay out the facts. Let's see where THAT goes. It's time to stop being so “considerate” of those who make it more than abundantly clear that they've NO “consideration for me. - It's another “snappy crisp” night out there. I'll have to move the truck tomorrow anyway so we'll see what, if anything, comes next. Maybe I'll just move it to the cedars... block HLS's entry for a change. It's fine for her to block me in. I see no reason why I should be concerned about HER convenience. I don't see how Burt can plough the other part of the drive anyway... with the fire-wood dumped where it is. And on the matter of the wood, I've NO doubt that will be a topic of contention for HLS when she returns... her “drama”... her “situation”. Well? SHE phoned to have it stacked, just as she phoned to have the door installed. And all the while I keep thinking of how she claims to be SO “offended” by the state of the flat up-stairs, whining about telling Mr. Dimballs to clean it up when, in fact, IN FACT, if not for the FACT that *I* clean THIS part of the house twice weekly, even on the worst of my days, THIS place would be fucking FILTH! She's truly retarded, delusional, mentally quite ill. And me? I need to get the fuck out of and away from this shit. It does me no good, mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally... - Well then and now, the only thing left for me to do tonight is shower and shower I shall. Most likely won't do the foot again. May as well leave well-enough alone for another while. Let the “raw” skin heal a touch under the dressings. Give it a week. It'll HAVE to be done before going to the clinic anyway. - For now... the little ones are in the parlour, listening to the TV. It's time to wrap this day and the days of “relative peace” up. Tomorrow, the shit-train arrives again.

Thu.31.Jan: 1.20 SHOWERED! I probably should have made a light wash today, but... I've gotten the sites up-to-date, my soc.med. too, so that's what I've “done today to make me feel proud”. (I really should look Miranda Hart up.) - And out-side, I heard the plough go by, of course... the sky couldn't be any clearer than it it right now. And it's not all that cold either. Though, the news has it that the Northern mid-West has been dropping to -50F of late. I'll not complain. - But it does feel good to have showered, and now, I need to TRY to get some sleep. - The stove is stuffed, there are a few bits of wood for later, when I get up. I haven't cleaned the stove out at all and I've no intention of doing. - So there's nothing left to do. Hopefully... sleep... until the “MEOW” in a few hours. - 9.07 and in spite of the “morning call” to get out of bed, I managed to doze until 8.56 AND... as of this moment, the “morning routine” is complete. Even the stove is up and burning. - Another crisp, clear day. - The only 2 items on the agenda are “loo” and move the truck. And of those 2 items, only “loo” is the most important. So? So. “Time management”. Honestly. I'll never understand why *I* can manage but the “working” person in this hole simply can't. - Also on for today: the PO box issue AND a $550 flat in Champlain that caught my attention before I hit the bed this morning. Let's see how things go... Part of my just wants to let the PO box go, and yet, no. Especially if Shedrick's supposed to be on “vacation” of some sort. Let's get her working. - The flat? Let's see how (if?) the truck runs. It could be a nice “escape”... just to go have a look at the place. - Anyway... we're rolling. - 11.11 Well... the truck is moved. I started it, cleared the walk, sprinkled some of “her” “ice melt” on it as the truck warmed, then drove across to the PO where Lisa, Town Clerk, was discussing the “address” of this shit-hole with Lisa of the PO. Lisa PO told me that there's no “apt” registered with this place. OH MY! I wonder what ramifications THIS will have on “rental”. (I dare to think. Or not. And don't give a shit.) And confirmed that Shedrick is out through next week and that this issue will be dumped into the local office. (She consulted with Stacie, Enosburgh too! So this is carrying along. Just a little of the craved “drama” of this moronic community. Nobody can make any decisions... “We need a committee to discuss...” &c.) And yes, they're focused on the box in front of the office... and to Hell with ramifications. I'm not done yet. - And so, the walk is attended, the truck is moved, the post is in, I'm having 2nd coffee at last. - This morning's BM is still “strange”. Mostly the peanut butter. Which reminds: I need to get food for today... at some point in time, I suppose. My stomach's “off”. AND my foot, because of the COLD out there, is PAINFUL! The very second that foot gets cold, the pain hits. I fore-see troubles a-plenty. Well? I'll just have to “address” the problem as comes available. (No doubt, the PO biz will play into it.) - MEANWHILE... the temperature in this room is down to 20°! There's a distinct “chill” to the whole house. I heard the furnace running for a bit. But coming in from out-side... the chill is obvious. Looking off to “Richmond Hill”, there's a “fog” of some sort in the air. The tiniest bit of “snow in the air”. Almost as if it's some kind of “ice fog”. The sky's gone cloudy, the wind is picking up. I wonder... are we about to be struck by the “cold front”? - And not a blip from HLS. E-majindat. - On with what-ever is to be the day. - 15.00 20° in this room and that “breeze” is coming in by the chimney again. Just can't beat the cold in this house again today. - No word from HLS. Just up from a nap that I had to force my way out of. And I'm hungry.... with nothing but peanut butter, oatmeal and sugar to eat. I did manage to heat some water in the kettle though. So I'm having a mug of that. But it's about the cold in the house. Oh well... Tomorrow if February... and the REAL cold will be here. - How odd... as I was typing... it strolled in. Not a sound. I had to get up from the table, go into the kitchen. And she's off to “pay the water bill”. What ever. - 16.27 Just went to pee and, of course, she's out on the recliner AND BRADLEY'S STACKING THE WOOD FROM DRIVE TO GARAGE! (I shouldn't doubt she expected it to be done when she got back from “work”, but alas... PAY FOR THE PRIVILEGE OF SACKING ON YOUR ARSE NOW!) I say no more on the matter. - But I'll have to go get something to eat... soon. - 17.42 and it looks like there'll be no eating today. Besides... I'm SO damned TIRED again! (And the rest of the hole is silent.) NAP! - 19.51 Well.... ANOTHER HOUR'S NAP. And again, I didn't want to get up from this one but the PAIN in the foot got me up. BUT... I got an idea for a mail-box: cinder blocks! Or similar. Stacked up and behind, laid on the frozen ground for Winter. A 4x4 or something into one. Stack some round for support. Done! AND... I found the yard I'd bought some months ago, started to make a scarf... I've taken the scarf apart and if I can find a pattern... I can make SLIPPERS! So, it wasn't a total waste of time... that nap. - Stepped out for a smoke and HLS and Ms. Hallie left for a “stroll” (they're back again, already) and when I said “Don't go out there. It's COLD!” I startled HLS. She wouldn't have even noticed me on the porch. Telling, that. - Anyway, there's very little oatmeal left, in case I get hungry. But there's something. And now I'm off to look for a pattern.