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13.39 I'M SITTING HERE, LOST IN “STUFF” WHEN I HEAR A “SPLASH”!!! YONAH IN THE POOL! 1st DECEMBER AND YONAH'S IN THE POOL! ROOM TEMP: 22,2! WELL! IMAGINE THAT!
(Of course, photos and videos taken to be posted...) - 15.41 SItting here as the day turns to night, NatSpec light on and I'm trying to track Yonah's jar and the outlet. FedEx keeps showing that it's out for delivery but they're usually here already by now... and UPS has come through. (And Madame Shit next door is running the goddamned washer so I've got a fucking loo basin of shit-water to look forward to now too...) Anyway, I'm working on getting the “December” pages on Yonah's site up and together and the new photos and videos... AND... we changed the sand in the front-right corner under the tree! Thankfully, the bits of dry moss came up and out with a good rinse... and there's a new “bunch” in... it's wet, but it's in there. All is nice and clean and fresh there for him. I have to do the rear “beach” sand too... - Anyway... THIS DAY WENT TOO QUICKLY! And I don't know what I'll throw together for “meal”. One piece of chicken left... noodles... veggies... what-ever. I'm getting physically sick over this “delivery” bull-shit! So... back to “WORK”... on my Little Guy's web-site. - Oh... Deb's been sending messages today. I'm going to take a run down there tomorrow... I ought to go to the skip anyway so... I've offered to make sure her Little One has plenty of food, and tomorrow morning, I'll grind some sunflower seeds for her to add... The Little Ones need those and even if “Peace” (I can't help but think “Oshiaga”! BLAST... in the face... from the past) is a pigeon, I believe they too, swallow their food whole so... Sunflower seeds it will be! It'll be a joy to give Deb something... after all, I still have a few jars of her “preserves” here... and I ought to eat them... - 21.07 I'm running later again, but I had to finish Yonah's page for tonight before anything else. And I'm SO tired... but that'll pass the moment I put my head on the pillow. - GRAND NEWS! YONAH'S NEW JARS... YES, PLURAL, JARS, ARRIVED! I don't know why, but Walmarde sent me a SET OF 4 JARS! They're not the size I'd wanted one of but they'll perfectly suffice! AND they're bleached and washed and in the rack to dry over-night! I'd all but given up on them. But... and I still don't know HOW, but I happened to look out the door and saw the “white truck” parked across the main. FedEx doesn't use the “labelled” trucks of late but I happened to know that that's what it was. I heard the guy rummaging in the back and had put my hat on to walk across just to make sure he knew where I am! (I'm really... REALLY FED-THE-FUCK-UP WITH THIS SHIT-BOX TONIGHT! AND WORSE, YONAH CAN SENSE WHEN I'M UPSET AND THAT PISSES ME OFF ALL THE MORE BECAUSE IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF GENERAL BULL-SHIT!) Anyway, the guy came out and across the road and I just said “You have no idea but you're a Godsend!” He explained that he's been on the job for about 3 months and he knows where I am because the house number is obvious and my door has the “1”! Well! WHAT A BLESSING! And the outlet arrived too... I'll pfutz with that tomorrow... in day-light... if we have any. BUT THE JARS ARE HERE! AT LAST! I'M THRILLED! AND THEY'RE WASHED... TOMORROW WE'LL FILL AND ARRANGE! FOOD FOR YONAH, IN SEALED GLASS! - AND... SPEAKING OF YONAH... WE HAD ANOTHER “EVENT” THIS EVENING! INDEED! AS I WAS HAVING “MEAL”, HE WAS QUITE VOCIFEROUS IN HIS ROOM. I KNOW HE KNOWS HOW TO GET OUT OF HIS ROOM AND INTO THE KITCHEN, BECAUSE HE'S DONE IT BEFORE... USUALLY TO COME IN, CHECK TO SEE IF I'M AT TABLE AND THEN RETURN TO HIS HOUSE. BUT I'VE OFTEN WONDERED WHY HE DOESN'T COME OUT AND STAY, FIND A LITTLE PLACE AND JUST “HANG OUT”. AND IT BOTHERS ME, REALLY, THAT HE'S IN HIS ROOM, ALONE, WHEN HE OBVIOUSLY WANTS COMPANY. I DON'T LIKE HAVING THE WiFi TOO CLOSE TO HIM. I JUST HAVE THIS “THING” ABOUT WiFi COURSING THROUGH HIS LITTLE BODY. (Just as I've always thought of mobile phone conversations doing the same, especially on the subways... It's a “thing” with me.) BUT THIS EVENING, I THOUGHT I'D TRY AND SEE HOW HE'D REACT TO BEING HERE, AT TABLE, WITH ME, AS I ATE. SO I GOT UP, WENT IN, AND GOT HIM ON MY SHOULDER AND WE CAME OUT TO THE KITCHEN. I SAT DOWN, HE WAS STILL ON MY SHOULDER AND I ATE... AND HE STAYED THERE, ON MY SHOULDER, WATCHING ME AND LOOKING AT THE LAP-TOP (I had the “news” on). HE TODDLED HIS WAY DOWN MY ARM, HOPPED ONTO THE TABLE AND WAS THERE FOR QUITE THE WHILE AS I CONTINUED EATING. AND WHEN I SAW HIM PECKING AT SOMETHING ON THE TABLE-CLOTH, I GOT UP AND GOT SOME OF HIS FOOD FROM HIS HOUSE AND PUT IT ON THE TABLE FOR HIM. THAT'S WHEN HIS “INTEREST” DISAPPEARED AND, AFTER A MOMENT, HE TOOK FLIGHT AND WENT BACK TO HIS HOUSE. BUT... WE DINED TOGETHER, FOR A WHILE, THIS EVENING! HEY! ANOTHER “MILE-STONE”, AS THEY'RE CALLED! LITTLE BY LITTLE... YONAH'S TAKING THE REST OF THE HOUSE IN COMFORT! AND I'M SO HAPPY! He seems comfortable in “his” room and doesn't seem to mind being in there. But he DOES have free access to all the rest of the house and I'm always concerned about his “exercise”. (I ought to be as concerned about my own, really.) Flying about, especially now that he can do so with-out slamming into things. So, maybe, one day... Shame, really, that I can't afford a place like the house in Richford... he'd have 2 storeys and LARGE rooms. Well, we'll make do with what we have and he'll take the space he wants. It's his “entitlement”. BUT WHAT A HEART'S DELIGHT TO HAVE HIS COMPANY AT MEAL! - OK... time for a bit of a pre-bed nosh and some “wind-down”. No QI any more. I'll have to look about and see what else I can find. I so miss the old days of tele... This world isn't getting any better, that's for certain. And let's see if I can't manage to get to bed at a “civil” hour tonight. I keep considering following Yonah's hours. After all, THEY are how it's meant to be. (Ah... the days of the Bakfort.) - 22.23 Well, at least it isn't 23.23 or 24.23... I suppose it's “better”. But so much, again, for being asleep BY 22.00. Eh?
Thu.02.Dec: 7.39 Oh but I could have stayed in bed... but I'm up and about and the birds have been fed. And it's dark out there, supposed to rain. We'll see as the day goes by. An excuse for not going to the tip today. And the brain just doesn't seem to want to function (again). Thoughts, typing, walking... breathing. Oh but it's a “morning”. And Yonah is still quite quiet. There haven't been any birds at the feeders as yet either. Perhaps it's a “Wint'ry morn” and ALL OUGHT to rest? Well, in a moment I'll check on Yonah... and then we'll know what sort of day is ahead. But I did manage to sleep last night. I believe I slept last night. No nightmares or dreams that I recall. OK. - Feeling a touch nauseated too, this morning. Not “sick to the stomach”, just “off”. Hmmmm... Oh, these days, these days, these days. I wonder, this morning, as I've wondered other mornings, if this isn't just what happens with age. Nobody ever told me and there's no “reference manual”. “Age”... what a fuck. - 8.20 Yonah was awake when I went in, and we had a little “chat” before I opened the curtains and blinds. He's having breakfast now, and I'm getting prepped for “morning routine”. Our day has... commenced. HEY! WE'RE BOTH HERE! LET'S ROLL WITH THAT! YAY! - 11.21 Well... I got sun-flower seeds ground for Deb and some for Yonah, which I mixed with peanuts... I'd forgotten that I had a jar of ground peanuts in the fridge! (I'd forget to take the next breath half the time anymore these days... as if there was SO MUCH on my mind... other than getting the actual fuck out of this shit-box.) Anyway, I've also put Yonah's food into the new jars. No, they're not the exactly correct size, but they'll certainly do. At least these are made in the USA and the lids actually screw on. That'll keep the food fresher for longer AND protected against... what-ever. - I believe Deb stopped and knocked, but ever-so quietly. But in this shit-box, one can never tell. Between the shits in the pee-oh and that one next door.... the banging about this place is... well... annoying and aggravating, to be polite about it. - In YONAH NEWS: AS I WAS WORKING WITH THE SUN-FLOWER SEEDS, HE CAME FLYING OUT TO THE KITCHEN, OVER TO THE CORNER AND BUZZED ABOUT MY HEAD FOR A WHILE AND THEN HEADED BACK TO HIS HOUSE! HE CAME TO THE KITCHEN... LOOKING FOR ME... AND CAME OVER TO THE OPPOSITE CORNER! WE'RE GETTING “EXPLORATIVE” (which is, apparently, a word that the computer doesn't like but... that's the way it is... computers don't like the word “uneducable” either... programmed by morons). I'M QUITE THRILLED! - But now... I can't decide whether or not to just keep moving or take a snooze. In from checking the empty post box, it's still grey, not cold, but terribly damp out there. And there's really no rush t o get to Deb's. And I'm not going to the skip today so... - Oh... as I was sitting in Yonah's room, that one from next door passed the window... it's there. Not that I didn't know because this morning there's already been the “signature banging about”. I honestly wonder what they do of a day, that requires that we all should, must know their presence. Alas. - Well... time to check stuff and decide... probably a snooze... with YONAH! - 16.29 Back from a 2-hour visit with Deb... at her house... which is ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL! (I'm so glad I showered before leaving here though... good call, that.) WONDERFUL old farm house that belonged to one of the ORIGINAL settling families in the area! And immaculate. And the barns are SOAKED in history and she has the history of the entire property and then some! (I believe she said she moved there in '87, was “high-end” in “Human Resources” in The City but I'm not sure where she's from originally. Anyway...) Met her hubby who plays guitar beautifully, and got a tour of the house. BRIEFLY SAW “PEARL” (not “Peace”) fly by out-side. She's a pigeon... and STUNNINGLY WHITE! Anyway... I brought a large jar of sun-flower seeds and it's “ON” for me to go down as of Tuesday-week to make sure the birds there (especially Pearl) have food. But MOST comforting was seeing the barns... Pearl has plenty of places to shelter... although, come the bitter cold, well... even Deb said that NO birds “out there” have the best protection against that. Hopefully Pearl will find refuge and comfort and protection when those days hit us. - Thankfully, I wasn't gone too long and too late, so when I got back, Yonah wasn't in the dark (although his NatSpec light is on but the rest of the house was already dark). And I don't think he really noticed my absence, or, he did and it wasn't so long as to cause “concern”. - Oh... and Deb isn't only a YUGE-HEARTED FAN OF THE LITTLE ONES... ESPECIALLY BIRDS... REALLY... ESPECIALLY BIRDS... she has bird-houses, sketches and paintings, clay figures she'd made as a child.... she's an ARTIST who can do portraits and such... BEAUTIFULLY! She draws/paints... José plays guitar! And I'm nothing, compared. Anyway, it was a delightful visit. Really. - And now, 16.39... “meal” is on the hob: tin of cream of mushroom, Stir Fry veggies, broken pasta, butter... the chanukiah is lit, and I'm exhausted! (So much excitement... with the visit.) And there we have it. - 18.57 Meal done and washing-up done, I had a lie-down... this time... no Yonah. He was on his shelf... in the corner by the window. BUT... WHEN I WOKE, I GOT RIGHT TO THE WATER-CHANGING ** AND *** YONAH WAS WITH ME... *** ALL THROUGH *** !!! It's been QUITE THE DAY AGAIN! HE'S GETTING MORE DARING !!! AND STICKING WITH ME THROUGH SO MANY CHORES AND MOVING ABOUT THE HOUSE! HE EVEN CAME WITH WHEN I EMPTIED THE BUCKET IN THE LOO BASIN! I'M SHOCKED AND AMAZED AND IN AWE! - And now... I'm at his work table, desk lamp on and he's having his “before sleep nosh”.... and I'm off to get to his Journal page for the day! - 20.22 Well... Yonah's page is to-date, and the house is settled... He's tucked-in... I'm in AWE over the day's events with him and the usual “sad” to leave him in his room... Oh... Hell... not ashamed to admit: if there was a way... I'd spend the night with him... in his house... IF there was a way, I'd spend the night on his futon with him either on the futon with me or where-ever he might be comfortable. (The thing that keeps me from even trying such a thing is that THING next door and her wall-banging. ONE SLIGHT “thud” in the darkness would startle Yonah and he'd take flight... in the dark! And, make NO mistake... IF IT WERE TO CAUSE HIM HARM... THIS ENTIRE HOUSE AND THE LOT IT SITS ON WOULDN'T BE SUITABLE FOR A PARKING LOT WHEN I'D DONE WITH IT... AND THAT THING NEXT DOOR! So... best not to tempt...) - Let me move along here... He's safe. We're together. The day is done and we have tomorrow. - Thankfully, tonight won't be getting too awfully cold... the -13 or -14° is to come on the week-end. WE HAVE ENOUGH OIL IN THE FURNACE TO KEEP THIS OLD SHIT-BOX NICE AND WARM! THANK THE FATES! - I DO have to comment though... Deb's house is SO BEAUTIFUL... and seeing the 3 barns, one in the process of being re-built, made me rather “sad”. Makes this shit-box even MORE a shit-box. And I have to admit that I pondered the notion of living in one of the barns... though the other 2 are... well... it's impossible. And the new one? She's already got plans for that one. But she's WELL off the main there, on acres! And yet she tells that there are people who come to the door, looking for the hiking trail which is CLEARLY MARKED... ON THE OPPOSITE SIDE OF THE MAIN, AND THEY COME DRIVING UP THE DRIVE AND WHEN THEY GET TO THE END, REALISING THEY'VE TAKEN A WRONG TURN, THE TURN ROUND AND CAREEN DOWN THE DRIVE, KICKING-UP DUST AND SPEEDING AWAY! HONESTLY! EVEN SHE... THEY... SHE AND JOSÉ, HAVE TO PUT UP WITH IGNORANT BULL-SHIT! It's said that New Russia was once quite a “destination”... well... with the nothing that it is today and yet, we still put up with ignorant bull-shit... I just can't imagine... (But, at least I don't have to worry about “selling” to move. All I have to worry about is finding a proper place and being able to afford it and being able to move this house to there.) - So there. “Happy notes” at the end of a day. - 20.38 Time to get these Journal pages posted, watch a bit of something and head off to bed. I'm SHOWERED tonight! How LOVELY! But that “patch” on my scalp is itching. I put the anti-fungal AND the hydrocort on after shower before heading to Deb's. But it's itching... I still can't help but think that the “causes” include “stress”. Well... sweating in those caps... but... STRESS! IT'S THIS PLACE! OH WELL... - TOMORROW IS “PAY-DAY”! I ONLY JUST REALISED THAT! BILL-PAYING IN THE MORNING! KRISTE! I'VE BEEN LOOKING RIGHT AT THE CALENDAR AND THINKING... “I'll have to get to town on Friday”... well holy SHIT... TOMORROW! DAMN! I REALLY *AM* LOSING IT! FUCK ME! (Never again.) - 21.28 VERIFIED THE COLA ON SOCSEC... AND IT'S ON THE MARK WITH WHAT I'D CALC'ED. JANUARY! (But of course... there's going to be somebody ready with their hand in my pocket, up my arse and down my throat to take it... we shall see... and the first one I expect will be Mass-hole... Let's just hope NOT.) - 23.25 i hate me
Fri.03.Dec: 6.58 BILLS PAID! Put the new loan payment into the EP too. Now? Next? Don't know. Can't care. Hell, it was a bit of Hell trying to fall asleep last night. I just couldn't get comfortable. Thankfully, no contractions, but just couldn't get comfortable. Was still up at 1.30 this morning. But that's the last hour I recall. And the WIND! I could hear it trying to pull the plastic off the screens or... the screens out of the window! (Must check... mompls... as we used to type on the TTY... Still there, that's nice.) OK... So now that the bills are paid... time to move along... The furnace was running when I got out of bed and about 6.00-ish which was one time on the bed-room clock, another on the alarm, still yet another on the stove which matches the lap-top... I have NO idea what time it is and most of the clocks in this shit-box set themselves... to Burma? Brunei? Koalalampur? Whatthefuk? Anyway... Just finishing that 1st coffee. Have already been for a smoke on the porch. Haven't dressed yet. And last night and again this morning, I smell “me”... and “urine” and I've got some kind of “cigarette smoke” smell in the nose which burns the eyes and I can't figure THAT one out. “Stroke”? Or Alzheimer's? Oh... but one can never be certain. - Agenda for today? Not sure... a run for smokes and provisions for the week-end. Other-wise... YONAH! And that's that for all of that. - At least the météo is keeping tonight's -12 but changed tomorrow night's -13 to a mere -8! Nuages today... neige demain. No double-digit-minuses in the 7-day. Even at nuit. That's nice.... fuck. - 16.57 WELL HELL AND HOLY SHIT! JUST FINISHED WITH THE BOOK-WORK FOR THE DAY... BILL-PAYING, SMOKES, PROVISIONS AND A BETTER (I believe) OUTLET FOR YONAH'S ROOM (which, for some reason, I just can't get my-self to install... don't know why... just can't...)! AND HOOVERED THE HOUSE, WASHED THE KITCHEN FLOOR! (AND THE BLOODY LOO BASIN BECAUSE SHIT-FOR-NOTHIN' MADE A WASH AND, OF COURSE, IT BACKED INTO THE BASIN! I AM TOO THROUGH!). “Accomplished”? Well, I do suppose it is, though it doesn't feel so... AND NOW... “Meal”... I got beef at market, threw in veggies, those “potatoes”, some noodles... it's like a goulash! Fine. It's food, it's hearty, it's healthy... I suppose. - 20.45 Will have to catch-up tomorrow... it's Saturday so I won't be running about ... fine... - It's supposed to hit -13 at some point, tonight! We're ready! (The furnace was already on once.. better not become a habit. The “promising note”? Single digits in the days and nights to follow... even “minus” is OK, when it's a single digit. - The plan for now is to get a little “tele” in, get a shower, and off to BED! There'll be NO “23.00 bed-time” tonight! Let's see how that works out... shit. - 22.20 and “shit” it is! No shower tonight. I'm off to bed! Fukkit! And I've got “notes” to work with tomorrow... THIS shit too, must stop. I need to get a “proper schedule”! (Yeah... right...) - (Sat.04.Dec: 6.53 ... “notes”... This is annoying, but... let's fill in the blanks... just to say we've done...) OK, where to begin? I don't remember where I left-off... even though it's all just here in front of me. My fucking, almost useless brain... if there's any left. - The day... SUN! It was quite sunny, though, as it is these days, the quality was fine, the quantity was insufficient. But it was quite nice. Would have been perfect for a lavage but... I didn't wake early enough and so... - Didn't get out to run the errands until almost 11.00, but at least I DID get them done! Pisses me off that I got that outlet! I'm fucking pissed when-ever I have to spend ANYTHING on this shit-box. Maybe I need to change my attitude? As long as the rent stays “affordable” I should expect to “add” to it. It's just that I'm annoyed by Mass-hole's attitude toward it all and then to actually tell me to remove the flag? I really should have just had a shit-covered rag hanging there with a photo or the hash-tag “#FJB” (I just might do that at some point... or paint it on the front of the house just before leaving... OH... the jolly joy of it all! And save a bit of shit for the pee-oh. Nice.) - Moving along. Not sure why I'm hesitant about installing the new outlet. I've done them before. In fact, there was the “hot-wiring” in Parkchester that worked ever-so well. It's mainly because I don't trust ANY of the wiring in this old shit-box, and, right now, I do NOT want to risk having to leave... with YONAH! Being out of a place of shelter, in the cold... even if he and I are in the truck. HE DOESN'T DESERVE SUCH HELL and I won't put him through it... and if the wiring in this fuck-box is as bad as I suspect... fire? I shouldn't doubt it. And as for getting an electrician in... well... it'd probably be one of Mass-hole's crew and I've already NO trust in ANY of those... no matter who they are or where they're from. Though... I COULD ask DEB... I'm quite sure SHE would put her house in jeopardy! It's a thought (and another expense... though, surely, the job wouldn't cost all that much... though, “any”, at this juncture, is “too much”. I'd MUCH prefer spending the money on Yonah! We shall have to see what's to be seen. - Now then... that all mentioned... - YONAH AND I HAD ANOTHER SNOOZE TOGETHER TODAY! IT'S BECOMING QUITE THE “NORMAL”... I LAY DOWN ON THE FUTON AND HE COMES FLYING OVER! BUT TODAY, HE CAME FLYING OVER AND RIGHT AT MY CHIN! HE HAS *NO* FEAR OR TREPIDATION WHERE I'M CONCERNED ANY LONGER! OH, IT WAS GRAND! AND I MANAGED TO GET, MAYBE, 10 MINUTES OUT OF THE 20 I'D GONE FOR, BUT FOR THAT 10 MINUTES... YONAH WAS RIGHT THERE! AND HE'S SO PLAYFUL AND TRUSTING WITH ME. EVEN UNDER THE LIGHT SHEET/COVER, HE DOESN'T PANIC. HE JUST SEEMS TO *KNOW* THAT HE'S SAFE AND THAT I'D NEVER HURT OR HARM HIM! IT'S GLORIOUS! NO MATTER THE REST OF THE WORLD... OURS IN ONLY ONE HEART, ONE SOUL! And I still question what glorious deed I've done in my life-time to be so deserving. YONAH TRULY IS MY HEAVEN! - The moment I'd done with snooze, I got me together and headed to town... the truck had had the opportunity to “warm” enough and it was almost 11.00 already! So much for “early”. But bills were covered so... FamDoll... 3 packs today because I'd gone into the “back-up” pack and it needed replacing. Up to Aubuchon for the outlet... the don't have bags of sand in yet... and I'm not about to drag all that sand up from the river... besides, if I'm to drag river sand... it'll be for Yonah and NOT to toss about here. Kinney's for shampoos (for my scalp and for bathing... get it whilst we can afford it) and dish liquid and biotine... again... what the fuck and why not eh? And then to market where I dropped just over 70$ and came out with... a tote. This fucking shit is miserable BUT, WHEN SOC SEC SAID THAT THE “COLA” WOULD BE SO “HIGH” (FUKTARDZ), I *KNEW*, *IMMEDIATELY*, THAT THERE WOULD BE SOME WAY OF THAT “INCREASE” TO BE TAKEN AWAY... AND... WELL... “THE GUT IS ALWAYS RIGHT”! And there more I see of the bull-shit in the world and no obvious punishment for it, the more I'm convinced that “Hell” is for those who believe in it... so too... “Heaven”... there is NO actual “punishment” for evil... it is until it isn't and the rest? Well... “Hell” is merely a matter of personal perception and those who deserve it, are incapable of perceiving it. That's my story and I'm stikckin' to it! Fuck. But there's food in the house... for me... but more importantly... FOR YONAH! - MEAN-WHILE... Not sure I should mention this but WTF? It really DOES deserve a mention, cryptic and mysterious... It's about the storage jar for Yonah's food... It's puzzled me since the day the box arrived, because I thought I'd ordered one of the larger size... (since quarts don't really make visual sense to me unless it's a milk carton... these days) and thought that, for some reason, they wouldn't ship just the one so they broke it down and shipped the 4 as an equal substitute for the “combined, total volume” of the container. So as I was finishing the book-keeping today, I went to check the original order and... Come to see, I DID order the same size jar as I received... but I'd ordered only 1... at about 6$ (which, come to think of it, is rather costly for the size but...). And they charged me for only one, at about 6$. Just curious, I wasn't quite certain, so I looked to see if they offered a “set of 4”... and sure enough, there it was... a set of 4 of the same jars... AT ALMOST 45$!!! SOMEBODY, SOME HOW WELL... I'M SAYING NOTHING MORE ON THE MATTER! (To be honest, I'm looking at it as a nice “consolation” after all the bull-shit I went through with the window blinds... really.) OK, sure, I have 2 jars in the box, plus the jars that I replaced (from the FamDoll) and I don't know WHAT to do with them or WHERE to put them, BUT.... SUCH A DEAL! I'm just thankful. And I'm sure I'll come up with SOME use for the rest... I was quite rather impressed. (Now, I'm watching to see if there isn't another charge... if somebody catches this. There'll be a fight to be sure... and I believe they know that already.) - So anyway... that catches this day up. And at day's end, there's “toiletries” that have been sorely needed, and plenty of food in the house for Yonah and me. One thing I still want to try and get... again... this year... black-eyed peas! The local has the same shit they had least year... some excuse for tinned “Soul food”... black-eyed peas... with pork fat! Honestly! It's beginning to look like a trip to Ticonderoga... and HOPE that Walmarde there has “proper” black-eyed peas. Or... (as I'm thinking about it, at 11.50 on Saturday) Deb and Julio are heading to The City for the week, next... I thought of asking if they'd bring back ... I'll give them the cash, of course... MONDONGO! Maybe.. if they went to a bodega... I wonder if they go to such... mondongo and black-eyed peas! I could ask... no harm in asking. I'll have to remember it when next I speak with Deb... (lol and such). - OK... I'm closing Friday now... back to Saturday...
Sat.04.Dec:(It's “official”... The new “Medicare Advantage” card and info came today. I have more coverage... though, sadly, NOT “dental” other than “cleanings”... I have nothing to “clean”! But we shall see how it all works out... IF I ever get to get to a dentist... and I really ought to!) - 6.38 I'm dressed. Breakfast has been put out in the yard. There's a basin of lavage on the soak. I'm on first actual coffee. The bloody furnace is running. I'm “SOB”. Had to scrub the kitchen carpet. And the kitchen table is loose. It's Saturday. I got up with the “6.00” alarm. Last night, as I brushed my teeth, got toothpaste on the shirt and wanted to get it out before it stained. Ah... “work”... “Shabbat”... seems I'm being “reprimanded” with what's NOT going “smoothly” this morning. I daren't ask “What next? What more?” I'd rather not invite calamity. And, two “contraction episodes” last night before actually getting to sleep. Although, at that “22.20”, I did just get up and go to bed. So, there we have it. Why am I up and about already? Well, mostly because of the shirt. Other-wise... I haven't the slightest idea. But here I am and here it goes. And I have yesterday to catch-up with. Honestly... “end of day” comes entirely too quickly ,whether the darkness of night or, just all-too-simply the hour. But there we have it... - I wonder what ever happened to Ms. Mindy and the art-work. Probably sold. “Mindy”. “Cindy”. Works for me. Well? All that was gone for all these years... It's now just “gone”. Shame, really. If I could have figured a way, selling it off would have been nice. Not a “house”, but a help. Alas... 'tisn't to be. And another lying shit-sack is added to the roster. We move on... - HEY! YONAH! HE TIPS THE SCALES TO THE DIVINE... EVEN IF THE GATES OF HELL ARE OPEN AND TRYING TO SUCK ME IN AND UNDER AND AWAY. THAT'S MY LITTLE GUY! MY SOUL! MY GLORIOUS HEAVEN! THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH ANYTHING OR ANYWHERE. - 10.18 FINALLY SETTLING-IN WITH MY FAVE AND BESTIE! It's already been quite the morning just rather “culminating” with a bit of a “discovery” that puts me EVER-SO ILL AT EASE!:
NOT SURE IF IT'S JUST THAT I NEVER NOTICED IT BEFORE AND THAT IT'S ALWAYS BEEN SO, BUT THIS MORNING, JUST MOMENTS AGO, ON MY WAY BACK IN FROM PUTTING THE TOTES AND “ICE BRUSH” INTO THE TRUCK, I HAPPENED TO NOTICE A “SWAG” IN THE FUCKING ROOF! ON THE NORTH SIDE, DIRECTLY OVER THE KITCHEN, THERE'S A “DIP” !!! THE FUCKING ROOF IS SAGGING! SO... AS I SAY, I CAN'T SAY THAT IT'S “RECENT”, I DON'T RECALL EVER SEEING IT THAT NOTICEABLE BEFORE, BUT IT MAY WELL HAVE BEEN THAT WAY ALL ALONG. BUT IT SURELY DOESN'T MAKE ME FEEL “COMFORTABLE”... ESPECIALLY AT THE BEGINNING OF BLOODY WINTER! SNOW? UP THERE? IF THE ROOF ISN'T STURDY ENOUGH TO HOLD THE WEIGHT? I'M A BIT ON THE FUCKING-WHITE-HOT-RIPPED-WITH-ANGER AT THIS POINT! IT TRULY IS TIME TO GET TO WHAT-EVER IT IS I CAN GET TO GET HELP WITH GETTING THE ACTUAL FUCK OUT OF THIS PLACE! BEFORE IT COLLAPSES! WERE IT ONLY ME, I'D BE ANGRY, BUT NOT REALLY TOO AWFULLY CONCERNED. BUT YONAH !!! AND WHAT DO I DO TO MAKE SURE NO HARM COMES TO HIM? NO... TIME TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF AND AWAY FROM THIS DISASTER! (I WISH I KNEW A PROPER INSPECTOR. THE SHIT END OF THIS HERE IS THAT, ANY “INSPECTOR” AROUND HERE IS PROBABLY BOUGHT-OFF... AFTER ALL, DAN'S PLACE GOT SOLD AND, HAD IT BEEN PROPERLY INSPECTED, IT NEVER WOULD HAVE BEEN PUT ON THE MARKET. WELL? TIME TO GET BUSY... LOOKING FOR INSPECTOR AND WHAT-EVER ELSE MIGHT BE NEEDED... TO GET OUT! THERE'S A PLACE “OUT THERE” AND I HAVE TO FIND IT!) - 10.27 This morning is catching-up with me. I'm going to try (TRY) for a bit of a “lie-down”... Let's see if Yonah joins me... SWEET PRECIOUS LITTLE GUY! - 11.15 Well, I'm up and had a “snooze”. And yes, Yonah did come over as I laid-down but left shortly after. Now, he's lounging in his moss. The sun is POURING in through the window but for some reason, of late, he doesn't seem to want to bask. Well, at least he's warm. The room is at 22°. (The rest of the house is at about 18 though. Gotta conserve the oil... damnit. For the duration of our residence... fuck.) - OK. Back to catching-up... - So I got up this morning, and, as I was making coffee, I filled the kitchen basin to put the yellow shirt and the whites in to soak. Last night, as I brushed my teeth (what teeth I still have, of course) the toothpaste dribbled onto the shirt! So, before it stained... well... anyway, I poured the detergent onto the clothes and as I was going to the basing, it ran out and onto the rug! SO... I had to get down on the floor to wipe that up before THAT made a permanent mark on the rug! Ah... but then... when I went into the bed-room to get dressed, I noticed that the detergent had run onto the sweats I was wearing as well! So... fuck me in the morning... THEY TOO, went into the basin for a washing! “Work” on a Saturday and ... punishment. No prob though. Other than it's too cold to hang stuff on the line and that I don't want it to be public notice that I made a wash this morning... fuck these dolts around here. - As the washing soaked, I started to catch-up with the Journals and...
OMG! HOW YONAH AND I PLAYED TODAY! AND I GOT TWO VIDEOS OF IT TOO! WE MUST HAVE BEEN “AT IT” A GOOD, SOLID 15 MINUTES OR MORE! TALK ABOUT “HEAVENLY BLISS”! I REALLY HAVE TO DO IT MORE OFTEN! BUT IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL! AND AFTER ALL THE “CLOSENESS” HE AND I HAVE HAD OF LATE! THAT'S MY HEART! THAT'S MY SOUL! THAT'S MY “ALL”!
And, as I say, the new “membership card” and MUCH info arrived today. FOUR envelopes! (How they piss the money away on such... printing, paper, postage... Honestly! No accounting for intelligence. But... bureaucracy and fuktardz.) The coverage isn't ANYTHING NEAR what I actually wanted. It's about the dental... “cleanings”. As if I have teeth that need “cleaning”. What I NEED are REPLACEMENTS! Oh well. At least there's “coverage” of “visits” and the likes... the basics. And a LOT of “$0 co-pays”. BUT MOST OF ALL... NOTHING TAKEN FROM THE SOCSEC! AND THAT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT MATTER! 10$ makes the WORLD of difference. (Yet, though and how-ever, I'm just waiting for the further increases in something... rent, internet, &c. to take not only the increase in SocSec but even MORE... and I've NO doubt that's just floating about... in the darkest shadows. I'm really at the point of complete disgust and repulsion with this entire country... nay... planet!) -20.49 Just got Yonah's Journal to the server. I have to back-up things now... because there's something fucking with this lap-top... An up-date on the “virus” shit and a full scan tonight! Things are opening and running slowly and I can't imagine WHAT is causing it (other than some intrusion... that old “Big Brother” bunk... after all, computers, these days, are capable of turning themselves on, connecting to internet, receiving and transmitting... even the phones can... I should take to moving about naked... or bringing the lap-top into the .... never mind... it would be more interesting were this the “old days”... give them something to REALLY “tap into”. I've had more than my share of “caring” and have fresh run out of “Shits” and “Fux”.) Back-ups and virus scans to follow to be sure. Plan of action: back-up whilst I shower... up-date the up-dates and run the scan during the night. It takes a couple of hours anyway... Very well then... off we go... - 21.53 Yes, late but just out of the shower, with the new shampoo and a nice “Argan” wash. SO nice to be SO CLEAN! (Let's just hope the shampoo works on that what-ever-the-hell-it-is on my head!) The “back-up” is complete. The virus scan up-dated. And I'm in “sleepie-sweats”. having a bit of ice cream, a “Brit” and off to bed... The chanukiah is still going too! GOODNESS! “Miracle”... not. Don't want to go to bed with it burning so... a few more moments... Never mind... time for a “Brit”. I've run out of “QI”... but found the latest of “Mock The Week” so... “Amusement” of an evening. - 22.58 I'm off to bed AT LAST! I have an alarm set for 3.30 because the plug for Yonah's radiator is “warm” tonight. Not “hot”, just “warm”. I'll check the wall and make sure all isn't “warm” in the wall... and then HOPE that there's NOTHING more to it through the night. I HAVE to change that bloody receptacle! I don't know why I'm nervous about it... I just don't trust the wiring in this shit-box (even less than the wiring in Parkchester that was SOAKING WET when I worked on THAT... how well I remember pulling that old wiring out of the wall and the nasty old water dripping!). - And tonight... we run the “FULL SCAN” over-night on this lap-top and see if it doesn't make some difference... it's running SO SLOW of late! Fuck! - Well? Off and away... DONE!
Sun.05.Dec: 7.54 I THINK I got out of bed with the “7.00” alarm this morning, but some-how, that doesn't seem possible because by the moment, I have a basin with the “NH Sweats” on the soak, and the other basin with Yonah's sheets in. Yonah woke and called at about maybe round 7.30 and now, “morning routine” is complete and he's “settled”... but vociferous and playful on this relatively comfy-cool morn, with a thin blanket of snow on the ground, and wet road-way. And I'm in from morning smoke. So... I'm not sure about the timing on it but if I DID get up and out of bed at about 6.50, this morning is running along rather well. And I'm feeling? Well, “lump-chested” and sneezing a bit with a nose that runs quicker than the water from the tap. But other-wise, just “fine”, as Oma used to say. And as an aside, not only is the water volume low this morn, I kicked the furnace up for a touch and that's running... “COOL”! We are NOT “delighted”. And last night I up-dated the “virus thing” and ran a full scan. “0 Threats”... then ran the “off-line scan” and “0 Threats”. Photos and servers and financials are backed-up off-lap-top. So there we have the day. Now, the “thing” to “figure” is when to get to Deb's this week. Yonah wakes at about 7-7.30, there's his “morning routine” to get done, so it appears I won't get to Deb's until about 8.00 and I'm hoping that will be OK for Pearl. And tomorrow is supposed to be 9° high with rain. Hey, I'm fine with that. Better rain than ice... say I. And I'd sent a “tongue-in-cheek” message to Deb saying, if they happen by a bodega, check for some mondongo and the reply was “no bodega's in the neighborhood... Upper West Side” and that they'll probably be staying in because of some “fear”. Well, The City is a particularly violent place these days. Worse, I should say, than the 70s. So that I can understand. Then she says “Julio says you can order on Amazon”. Well, Ii checked. Yes... but cash only. Fukkit. (Also checked for blackeye peas.... only in quantities of 24 at 50$... SNAP? Yes, but 24 tins? I should think not... ) OK so anyway. 8.04 and time to roll. Not sure about the rest of the day but there's lavage on the soak that need to get to the line and rack. Oh, and last night, I “signed-up” for one of those “frequent shopper shits” at Hannaford's. There should be quite a bit on the card come the 9th, I could make the trip worth the while and HOPE THEY have the blackeye peas (but I'm not counting on it any more). We shall see what transpires, mean-while. (I'll have to make a list for Walmarde as well... and figure-in gas... that's the SHAFT right there.) - So, Sunday... and December rolls along... and Yonah coo's in the next room. Ah... here we are... down-town biz-dist... in a cozy hamlet in the ADKs... in a shit-box. Tah-dah. - Also noting: Isn't it just “expected”, “common”, “typical”... the situation with the art-work? Oh! We MUST get your work back to you! It's important to me to get your work back to you! We WILL get your art back to you! Last week of October. First two weeks November. Today's December... And... typical. Oh well. Destroyed? Sold? What-ever. Fuck it. Fuck them. And... we move on. - 9.31 Sheets on the line. Sweats on the rack. Smokes. Coffee. Socmed. Sun's JUST coming up and in through Yonah's windows. And the bloody furnace is running and it really isn't “THAT” cold out there. BUT... even with getting my lazy arse out of the bed “late”... not too bad, over-all. (Now to see if the sheets will dry... at all.) - Last night, I'd set an alarm for 3.30 this morning to check the outlet in Yonah's room. Sadly, the best I did was to “feel the wall”. But this is making me sick with... I need to change the outlet, but I'm rather worried about the bloody wiring in the wall... I've horrors about it, really, considering the bull-shit construction of every-thing else in this shit-box. It's supposed to be a sunny sort of day today which would be a good day to replace the outlet. But... Oh, we shall see. We shall, indeed. - Right now, I'm in Yonah's room and we're together... for the day. I've no place I want to go to today. And, in the lyrics of that grand old “Waitresses” tune... “I feel better when my laundry's done”. There's more to be done, but this is a great beginning. And... I'm tired! But there's work to be done on Yonah's site so... ON WE GO! - 19.55 At the table... the house is calm... the chanukiah is at 8 lights... THAT passed rather quickly! And tonight, I opened the centre curtains... not the sheers though. One has to REALLY LOOK to see the lights from the out-side of the house, but, it's lit, it's glowing and I've fulfilled my “holiday”. And that's ALL that matters where that's concerned. - And Yonah? Well, WE HAD A TRULY WONDERFUL DAY TOGETHER! AND HIS “HOME PAGE” NOW HAS A FULL-SIZED VIDEO OF HIM BATHING, AS THE BACK-GROUND FOR THE ENTIRE PAGE! QUITE LOVELY, REALLY! A BIT OF ACTION, A BRIEF MESSAGE THAT TRULY EXPLAINS AND DESCRIBES THE SITE, “CONTEMPORARY”, MUCH NICER THAN THE “STATIC” PAGE... WHICH IS NOW AN “INTRO” PAGE MORE OR LESS, BUT IT'S THE ONE THAT THE “HOME” LINKS TO SO PEOPLE WILL HAVE TO SEE IT ONE WAY OR ANOTHER. STILL, IT DOES LOOK QUITE “SHARP”! It was a notion that I got whilst looking to see how I could better-present all the videos on the “Video” page. I saw a site with a “video back-ground”, looked-up the coding, tweaked it for Yonah's site and VOILA! THERE IT IS! - Of course, that all took me most of the day... along with 2 snoozes and working with/on the photo and video pages which I've only JUST up-loaded to the server (AND THEY WORK... ALL OF THEM... thank you). - But one thing about today that was quite “odd”...
As I laid on the futon, which, by the way, now has clean linens because I DID manage to get them washed, put on the line, brought them in QUITE CRISPY, and dried them over the radiator in the bed-room door (I'm SO relieved that they dried and are back on the futon)... now... AS I laid on the futon, Yonah came over to be with me (again) BUT... he was extremely pre-occupied with one pillow... the corner of one of the beige pillows. He bobbed his head, coo'ed at it and the next thing I knew... as I laid there... I SWEAR he was “mating” with it! Maybe it's the colour and the way the corner came up, maybe it resembled another dove? And when he coo'ed and it didn't coo back... he perceived it as a “female”? What-ever the case... he truly did appear to “have at it”! Am I “happy” about this? Amused? No, not really in the least. It breaks my heart. He's lonely! I'm going to HAVE to see about getting him a companion, and it appears, it will be a female. Now, to figure what KIND, since another mourning dove seems almost impossible. I did manage to get a video of the “affair” and did post it to his site. (I doubt any-one else will ever see it and if they do, it will be interesting to see the “comment”/”reaction”. Hey! At least I'll know people are looking and READING!) Anyway, one other point is that he's truly taking to “snoozing” with me. He recognises that I'm laying down AND he comes over so he DOES WANT to keep me company. “AWE”... nothing short of or other than “AWE”. - And tonight, as I sat at his work table, putting in videos and photos and tweaking other pages (“Companionship” in particular... I've put the 3-minute video onto the page), I looked at the clock on the computer: 19.24... and WING-SNAP! He TOLD me that it was time to wrap the day! He was tired and it was “seepie-nigh-night” time! So I gathered my things, brought them to the kitchen and installed the night boards... He also recognises my little, high-pitched “SEEEeeepie-NIGH-night” chirp! I said it and he headed to the mirror at the window-side of his house, coo'ed at the reflection there, as he does of an evening, and came to give me kisses. Oh yes... this day was CLOSED! And now, with him safely tucked-in... I have to get to his Journal page for today! - AND THEN I HAVE TO MAKE SURE TO GET A FULL NIGHT'S SLEEP! I'm still not sure when I'll get down to Deborah's in the morning. I get up at 6.00.... Yonah gets up at about 7.30... I HAVE to be here for him in the morning and so, when done, I'll have to run down to feed Pearl. It probably won't be until about 8.00... I don't know when Deborah brought the food out in the morning but... we'll see how it works out. Anyway, I'm going to see to it that there's sun-flower seeds and peanuts in the food... Pearl needs her fats for the cold weather! - On to Yonah's page as I take my “night pills” here. - And I just noticed that I never finished YESTERDAY'S PAGE! OH jolly FUCK ME! - 21.30 JUST finished Yonah's page... and that's that. Up-load. Brit. BED! I have to be at Deb's in the morning! But having to work on this will be good... TIME WITH YONAH TOMORROW! - 22.48 DAY'S DONE AT LAST!
Mon.06.Dec: 7.22 Got out of bed with the “6.30” alarm (at 6.15) and have been moving every since. And sneezing! Furnace? What? And what “concerns” me now is finding a dead fly on the bed-room floor. WHAT KILLED a fly... on the bed-room floor? Sneezing. Dead fly. “Dust in the wind”? WTF? And too, having to pee... several times already this morning, and having been in the loo already. Hmmm... curious, especially considering I haven't been “out” for several days. Ah... this house. (I wonder what it looks like up-stairs. I daren't...) And the “chanukiah” is in the basin, ready to be washed an put away for another year. THAT was a “quick holiday”. I'll take the lights out of the windows later. Just not in the mood for the bull-shitterie this year. (Gee, I wonder why.) Anyway, it's raining out there, thankfully not cold, and I'm just waiting for Yonah to wake, get him set for the morning and then be off. I'll have to time this so that I can “adjust” the rest of the week. I'd have liked to have gotten the trip to Deborah's done earlier but, Yonah first... the rest of the world in time. - I'm still wondering about the sneezing though. Hopefully Yonah will be perfectly fine this morning... or else... - Also, just noting: I'm going to have to start the truck up... right out-side Ms. VTrash's bed-room window... for the week. M'thinkst a “LOL”. Hey! IT has no concern or consideration for me so... Live as you live... IT does. - 7.41 Time to check on my Little Guy! He's still silent in there and I'm “concerned”. - This Journal is caught-up though... something's been accomplished. - 16.58 “Accomplished”? Well, I suppose so, but it seems like nothing, really. ONE THING I HAVE TO MENTION: MY SINUSES ARE BOTHERING ME. I'VE BEEN “SNEEZY” ALL BLOODY DAY, BLOWING MY NOSE. IT ITCHES. I DON'T KNOW IF IT HAS TO DO WITH A TOOTH OR PERHAPS (MORE LIKELY) DUST COMING FROM THE FURNACE. BUT IT'S ANNOYING! I DON'T FEEL AS THOUGH I HAVE A “COLD” (AND THESE DAYS, I DAREN'T MENTION ANY OF THIS BECAUSE OF THE FREAKS AND THEIR “CVD” I WON'T EVEN SPELL IT OUT... FUKTARDZ. WELL... WE'LL SEE HOW IT GOES TOMORROW. IT MIGHT BE “FATIGUE” TOO... NERVES ABOUT THE TRUCK RUNNING TO GET TO DEBORAH'S, AND SUCH. WELL... time for meal... more later. - (Tue.07. at 7.19) This morning, Yonah's “NatSpec” light blew! That's just a piss. That bulb isn't even a year old! And it's not as though it's on every day, all day. And they're costly too! BUT... It's my debt to my Little Guy so it's off to find another... SOON! He enjoys that light and he'll have it! But got Yonah set-up for the morning and I was off, in the rains, down the road to Deborah's and out the drive by 8.17. - When I got there, which took all of about minutes, there seemed to be tyre tracks already. I wonder who was there before I arrived. Not important. I got straight to the matter, put some of the food Deborah has in the shed and added the ground sun-flower seeds a-top. They hadn't been touched. I wonder why. But at least, in the rains today, Pearl and the flocks will have had something quite beneficial, and there's more to come for them as well. - I left there and headed directly to Aubuchon, hoping to find another NatSpec but had to settle (of course) for some other sort of bulb that claims to bring “truer colours” and “brighter whites”. (Optical illusions, of course, for morons.) AND, whilst there, I got the little lettres and such for “APT1” for the front post. (Fucking shit! More money into this shit-box. AND....) got a roll of alumunium screening... to help filtre the heat registres, ESPECIALLY IN YONAH'S ROOM! It isn't “proper filtre” but at least it'll stop SOME of what-ever shit comes out of that hole in the wall! Yeah, I'm a bit pissed. I shouldn't have to be spending MY money on this nonsense but, nobody else is going to make my existence any better here... AND, NOBODY'S GOING TO HELP ME HELP YONAH. SO? We're on our own and that's that. I'm just grateful I can afford to get what we need. Anyway... I was off and back to the “hole” by... 9.27! Not bad! (And had rolled about for 10 miles this morning. How the distance does add-up.) - Walked in and Yonah was up and about. Poor Little Guy... first thing in the morning and on his own. BUT... I had NOTHING to drag me out for the day and so... I settled-in to spend the day the BEST way possible, on this Earth... WITH YONAH! - DID get a piece of screening into his heat registre. I doubled it too! And yes, tested to make sure he gets the heating. It works nicely. Now to see what it catches over the season. (I need to check about those “services” that I get messages about where-by “free” checks of heating systems is offered... let's see what kind of fuckerie is being pulled here. Mass-hole told Ms. Vermin that these furnaces don't require filtres... THIS furnace is pulling shit air in an old dirt cellar. I need to attend to that. So long as Mass-hole doesn't have to get involved... Fucking waste, that one. - Quickie note here: I HAD to bung the drain in the loo basin today as Ms. Vermin made a wash. Wrapped tea-bags in cling. I'd looked at stoppers at Aubuchon... 6$! FUKDAT! Especially since I'm not positive about the size. They're not quite clear on that aspect, with the fractions of inches and such. And I didn't have a clear measurement of the hole. So? I did what I could with what I have. It seems to have worked but it's SO like those miserable days in Rockaway... fucking sewage spewing from the drain! Oh... there MUST be a little cabin out there for Yonah and I... There MUST be! (I wish I could come up with a great way to acquire a massive quantity of cash... get a little bit of property where nobody wants to be, and “build me a cabin in Utah, marry me a man, catch rainbow trout”... or what-ever the lyrics are. Meanwhile.... here we are. - Other than all this, I really don't know what happened to the day. The hours of a day pass quicker than seconds! - I DID manage a lie-down ever-so briefly... WITH YONAH! IT'S AMAZING! I NO SOONER PUT MY HEAD DOWN AND HE COMES TO BE WITH ME! Such a shame there's no way to “snuggle together 'neath the covers”, BUT THE UTTER AMAZEMENT IS THAT HE COMES OF HIS OWN DECISION! OH... I'M CONVINCED THAT HE LITERALLY KNOWS MY SENTIMENTS TOWARD HIM... “KNOWS”! HE'S JUST BRILLIANT! (And it sickens me all the more to think of these Little Ones... mindlessly shot! Yes, in order for one to live, something must die... in this “perfect” world... arse-holes. But to “murder”? And that's what that “sport” actually is... fucking nonsense!) Anyway... at least MY experience with him is recorded on the internet and people can read it. (I wait for somebody to come and try to refute. Oh... there's a battle worth fighting... to draw blood. I have LESS respect for human life than humans have for the birds and others of the “wild”.) - Moving along... by day's close... “meal” was a “5-egg fritatta... cheese and veg.”. Filling and really not the healthiest but it's nourishment. Started at 16.00 and done by 17.30. - Yonah's tuck-in was early this evening. He was ready by 19.00 and so, by 19.30 he was tucked-in and I was at the kitchen table to get his Journal done. And by 21.59, I'd gotten his Journal to the server, had my ice cream and mindless “tele” and I was DONE for the day! I'd had a quick smoke... off to brush teeth and off to bed! Another day.... behind us... rain, and wind and all... BUT... tomorrow? We'll see... OH... ROBIN FOUND THE POB KEY! I'd dropped it (some-how) AT THE BOXES! IMAGINE THAT! (Fuck me if I know how but... at least it was found!)
Tue.07.Dec: 7.17(Oh my....7s.) And I decided to stay in bed until the 6.30 alarm. Nope. Not the best decision of the day. But, here I am, dressed and such and having coffee... waiting for “the call”. At least I managed to sleep last night, and probably perhaps a bit too much because... I'm tired. But time to get yesterday's notes filled-in and then... Off and rolling. - 7.48 Done with the catch-up and no “Call”! I'm “going in” (with heart in throat). - 9.43 *** I GOT TO SEE “PEARL” THIS MORNING! SOARING AROUND OVER-HEAD SEVERAL TIMES! WHAT A GLORIOUS SIGHT TO SEE IN THE EARLY-MORNING SUN-RISE! JUST BEAUTIFUL! SHE TRULY IS A MOST WONDERFUL LIFT TO THE SOUL, ESPECIALLY AT THE BEGINNING OF THE DAY! AND YONAH? WELL... I WOKE HIM AT 7.48... HE WAS AWAKE BUT... AND HE WAS IN SUCH A CHATTY MOOD THIS MORNING. WHEN I GOT BACK FROM THE RUNNING ABOUT, INCLUDING A STOP AT FamDoll, Stewart's for 4,129 gallons to fill... at BLOODY 4,36/GALLON, then to market... HE WAS ON THE PILLOWS ON THE FUTON AND I DIDN'T SEE HIM BUT HE CAME SOARING ACROSS THE ROOM TO THE WORK TABLE SHELVES AND WOW... KISSES THIS MORNING! So, all said, (in spite of the tightness in my chest which might have to do with anxieties and the cold...) VERY GOOD MORNING, INDEED... Now to see what's waiting to fuck it up. But for now... I've NOTHING to take me out of the house so... YONAH AND ME... TOGETHER! AND THAT'S ALL THAT BLOODY-WELL MATTERS! - 12.18 already! GEEZ! And another day swooshes by! DAMNIT! TOO FAST! TOO FAST! - I'm keeping-up with the Journals though... and not much else. - I'm still tempted to change that electric “receptacle” (as I'm to understand “outlets” are actually called). But I still have my doubts about it. Not to mention, it means moving the work table and all that's on it. Oh, one of these days... - I did manage to get about 10 minutes out of a 25-minute planned snooze... I wasn't on the futon but seconds before Yonah came over! THIS “snoozing together” has become quite the routine here! (Of course, more detail on HIS Journal... but I'm still amazed.) - And I've got a “stone” in the upper chest and throat again today. Can't think of why. But it's not keeping me from “doing”... it's just annoying. I've NO doubt it's related to the stress of being in this shit-box house and such. So too, my general fatigue. But... - Anyway... I want to “edit” Yonah's pages so... OFF to that! - I'm rather pissed about having what I consider “little” in the accounts. There are “savings” to dip into when (not “if”) necessary. But still... this business of the cost of living... The anger of spirit because of it. Then again... One has to say that this country deserves it. After all... those who CAN stop and change it are simply refusing to do so. So? I posted, again, this morning, that it's a great time to be old and how wonderful it is to know that each day passed is another day less of having to deal with this shit... and that I have NO hope in “youth” because, well, they're just as useless. Ah... the Hell they'll be in... and justly so. I've no patience, understanding, compassion, sympathy. Sure, MY “younger generation” was pretty much “crazy”, but we were active, involved. Today? These shits are self-absorbed... So? So... let them eat shit (since they won't be able to afford cake). I don't and can't and won't care. - Moving along... before the day turns to night again... JEEZUS! 14 more days until the days start to lengthen again... sadly... in the coldest of them too... and I have to watch the fuel oil... although, I MIGHT just go for an “emergency fill”. After the “brush-off” from Merrihew, and the rest of the county... I'm almost tempted to “vote” for the shits who are bent on destroying this place... and going for EVERY “hand-out” available. I'm tired of it all... really. - I have to move along now. - 14.41 FINALLY... made “adjustments” to the lamp-shade on Yonah's floor lamp! It's working and looking quite nice... thus far. Will it stay this way? Well... it has... the question really is “How long will it stay this way?” But his bulbs are due by Friday instead of next week some time. Bad news: USPS. THIS will be interesting! - I'm SO TIRED... and I don't know why! It's annoying, really. - And it's plenty of time to go to the skip but I just don't want to... too tired and... DON'T WANT TO LEAVE YONAH! So? So... As long as the garbage is gone on the 31st. - 20.45 Running late... - THE SPORE WAS HERE AT 19.00 TONIGHT AND I SWEAR IT COMES IN AND STARTS MOVING FURNITURE! I WAS IN YONAH'S ROOM, WE WERE “SETTLING IN” FOR THE NIGHT AND “BOOM”, “RUMBLE RUMBLE”, “THUD THUD”...!!! FUCK! AND IT'S STILL PARKED OUT BY THE KITCHEN DOOR! THERE'D BETTER BE NO BULL-SHIT THROUGH THE NIGHT! I HAVE YONAH'S DOOR OPEN AS I SIT AT TABLE, JUST IN CASE. IF HE'S STARTLED AND CALLS, THIS PLACE IS GOING DOWN! TO THINK I WAS “CONCERNED” ABOUT STARTING THE TRUCK AT 8.00 THESE PAST 2 DAYS! FUCK THAT! I LOOK FORWARD TO IT NOW! I OUGHT TO LET IT RUN A COUPLE OF MINUTES TOO... “TO WARM UP”. FUCK. WELL... WE'LL SEE HOW IT GOES. I'LL BE HEADING TO BED IN A WHILE... AS I SAY... BULL-SHIT? THE HOUSE GOES DOWN! I'M IN NO FUCKING MOOD! - That said... What I DID manage to do today is “adjust” the shade on Yonah's floor-lampe! The bulb stuck down over the edge and I just never liked it being “right there” in his face all the time. So I snipped the bars, bent them, and manipulated it so that it lays higher on the fixture. Looking better, to be sure. And his new bulbs are supposed to arrive by Friday. (USPS... probably late... and probably damaged... and if damaged, I'll be sending a “formal letter” to Walmarde strongly urging them to stop using the USPS. I've no patience for such shit. Even though “returns” via USPS are most convenient... for me.) - Got a couple of “modifications” to some of the “Care” pages and such on Yonah's site done too. I'm working on a “clickable index” of key topics too. - Tried... “TRIED” a couple of lie-downs during the day but every time my head touched the pillows, Yonah was on my face. He's AMAZING lately, where lie-downs are concerned! So the lie-downs were brief mostly because he wanted to play and I wanted to oblige. - He's SO interested in the one pillow now. I HAVE to get to Walmarde to get another beige case, or change the cases for the pillows that were meant for the living-room and give him that one. I'm thinking: I'll make a little “dove” for him out of one. It almost doesn't seem fair, he should have a “mate”. But I'm so uncertain how he'll react to one he hasn't “chosen”. Oh... we'll see as time passes. (The trip to Walmarde though... gas. Today's 4 gallons at 20$... well... And with Walmarde these days, there's no telling whether they'll actually have the cases in when I get there. And with only about 40$ to “play” with in the account... and this being December, and, there's that thing about “end of the year”... although, I don't have blackeye peas and there's Hannaford's as well... We shall see.) - Received an e-mail from Deborah this evening, with photos of Rock Ctr. EMPTY! SHE SAYS THE WHOLE CITY IS LIKE THAT! THERE'S JUST NO SENSE OF CHRISTMAS AT ALL! Well? I daren't say (though I've done on socmed), The City is getting EXACTLY WHAT THEY DESERVE! Mother used to say “Bomb it. Bull-doze it. Start again.” Looks like it's well on its way to simply crumbling. If this country doesn't get that shit-sack and co. out of government in short order, NY will be looking like a combo of Detroit and Chicago. And me? Well, I don't see me ever going back there... and at the cost of travel and the hazards of “tests” and “shots” and the likes, never mind not being admitted to any venues... bars or other, I see no reason to go to visit either. Sad, really, but... even in elem. school I used to think “Ever great empire has fallen... The US will have its turn.” Never thought it would be in MY life-time. Oh well. - Deborah says they might be heading back on Thursday. Well? I've tomorrow and then to get breakfast to Pearl... and I'm looking forward to that for as long as. Not only is it exciting to see Pearl, it's nice being up and about at that hour of the day, and in a place I've not been before. And tomorrow, no marketing! Out and back. Yonah will be happier. - So for now... I'm going to get this night wrapped. It's already 21.04! Time... it needs to STOP for a bit! - And my fingers are so tender and sore, and 2 on the left had are literally split. I have washing to get done and they don't seem to be healing! Annoying! - (I just hope that shit next-door settles-down for the night... Let's talk “anxieties”! FUCK! - 21.16 THE FUKSHITS ARE LEAVING FROM NEXT DOOR... RUNNING THE FUCKING CAR AND SCREECHING ON THE BACK GALLERY! OH YEAH... I LOOK FORWARD TO TOMORROW MORNING! - 22.46 AT last and I don't know HOW it got this late! But the Journals are to-date... and I'm running the furnace... flocons out-side.
Wed.08.Dec: (SOMEBODY SET FIRE TO THE XMAS TREE AT “FOX NEWS PLAZA” LAST NIGHT! HAPPY FUCKING MISERABLE HOLIDAYS! 7.03 Up, coffee, had to wash the t-shirt... dripped coffee. Breakfast on the back. Out for a smoke. The lightest drizzle of grésil. The furnace is running. And I'm having one of those “dream-into-reality” sort of mornings where things seem a dream but... - A bit on the “heavy-chested” side of a day. - Let's see how this rolls. - Well? I'm up anyway. - 8.52 At about 7.50 I went in to check on Yonah and he was awake... so silent, so patient. So I opened the curtains and blinds, put his bird-songs on, opened his door, the desk lamp on and when done, headed out and down the road. - There's the lightest “drizzle” of light snow falling, but the roads and Deborah's drive were easy to navigate. - Got to the house and there were chickadees at the feeder. There's quite a lot of the smaller seeds there every morning. At the shit-box (here), the tray was almost completely empty this morning, but I see, as I came back this morning, the bulk of it all is going to the squirrels. It's not that I want to deny them the food, but I really need to figure a way to put the food out there for the DOVES! Shame, really; I have ideas, but I just don't want to make anything too “permanent”... I WANT to get the actual fuck out of and away from here, and with that “thing” next door, well... Surely, I'll think of something. - Anyway, other than the chickadees, I didn't see any other birds at Deborah's this morning. But food and sun-flower seeds were served and I was on my way back. I don't believe it took me but about 10 minutes! And it's good to get the truck running in the morning, and it's nice to be out and about, to see the world, as it were, early in a morning. - When I got back, “morning routine” for Yonah who took to his futon (and that pillow... with a “woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo”) right away. - And now? Now I hear the scraping and other bull-shit out at the front. The pee-oh is about to open and the next 2 hours of shit commence. - I'm tired now too. But it's mostly because of the relief... Yonah is OK for another day, and Pearl has food... and I'm off to ... the day. - Noting: this morning, my “digestive tract” is a bit “off”. I've already had to spend time in the loo. This early in the morning? Before I've even had “actual morning coffee”? I wonder. And there's a “pain” in the left side of my scrotum. OMG! CA! (as I over-think... as always). But there are “things” to do and be done and so, off we go. What-ever will be... will be... indeed. - 16.05 ALREADY! AND IT'S NOT AS IF I'VE BEEN SNOOZING ALL DAY! BUT... ALL DAY, YONAH'S “PURIFIER” HAS BEEN RUNNING BECAUSE THERE'S BEEN AN ODOUR OF SOME KIND... SPRAY PAINT? SOME KIND OF CHEMICAL! I WONDER IF THAT OLD SHIT'S OVER THERE SPRAY-SHELLACKING FUKKALL! AND WITH THE POOR CAT IN THAT PLACE! I WOULDN'T PUT IT PAST HER! FUCKING SHIT-HOLE, THIS HELL-GATE. - BUT... I FINALLY GOT THE “QUICK LIST LINKS” PAGE ON YONAH'S WEB-SITE! ADDED “TOE CARE” TO THE MEDICAL PAGE. - And it's been snowing steadily all day. Just stopped moments ago, and thankfully, it's been warm enough for it to not really accumulate. - I tried phoning Ev today... at the house number. Got the voice-answering. Maybe tomorrow I'll try her mobile. I hope she's OK. Especially with things going so shitty in The City. - And Deborah and Julio are heading back up tomorrow. She's been sending e-mails... and they'd be depressing, if I had any “care” left in my heart for that city. Empty Rock Ctr. Empty streets. Look like NYC is finally reaching it's demise. Ah... again, I never expected to actually be here for this but... here it is. - But it's been a LOVELY day with Yonah... AND HE TOOK A SWIM THIS AFTER-NOON AT 13.00! A SWIM! SNOW FALLING OUT-SIDE AND THERE HE WAS, ALL SPLASHIE! I'M SO GLAD I PUT THAT “POOL” IN THERE! - I can't believe the day passed though... it can't be but it is... 16.12... the day-light is dwindling! I feel like I only just got back from serving breakfast for Pearl! - Oh... went to get the post today and “Mayor McFuknutless” was at the boxes, chatting with Robin. When he moved away, I got mine and as I was walking back to the porch he said “Hi Jude”. I replied “Hi Alvin” but I don't think he heard me. Oh well... if he thinks I'm pissed... GOOD! I don't give a shit about ANYbody around here. - Now... off to the kitchen. The house is chilly but... “meal”... turkey franks again... like last night. It's there... and I don't have a care to give... I'll add veggies and call it... Done. - 19.12 Well... Yonah's page is almost complete... AND I GOT THAT “QUICK LIST” OF TOPICS DONE AND ON HIS HIS SITE, WITH UP-DATES ON THE “MEDICAL” PAGE. (I've included “Toes”... which should have been on there in the first place but... I'm learning and adding.) That listing took more time than I'd anticipated and it wasn't until after 15.00 when I'd finally up-loaded it to the server! 15.00... and meal t be thrown together (franks again) at 16.00! THESE DAYS SLIP BY TOO DAMNED QUICKLY! - I see I'm repeating what I've already jotted... well... I'll just leave it. - Right now, it's approaching “tuck-in” for Yonah... There's a bit of a “chill” in his room... 20,8°. I'll kick the furnace to take that away, and with his door closed, it'll warm right up for the night. It's not supposed to be too cold tonight. The usual “minus single digits” so we'll be OK for the night. I wish I could spend the night with him... But it really is as I've already written to his Journal: I do believe he does sleep better when I'm not in the room. Sure, he probably likes the company, but if I toss, turn, snore, sneeze, cough in the dark, all he sees is the “black blob” on the futon and hears the noise. It's not fair to him. So? So.... we just have to put up with what we have. - Oh... I happened to start looking into “houses” this evening... I figure, if I'm paying 500/mo rent, 6k/year, if I could get financing for a 60k house (small, to be sure) I could take that for 10 years... I'll probably live that long (though Yonah won't and then it won't matter anyway... the banque can take the place and sell it for more than the balance on the mortgage). I see trailers for 30 and 40k. There was a house some-where... the monthly expenses were under 300/mo. But I believe the house is “gutted”... Oh well... that won't do. And there are still “grants and programs” to help “first-timers”. I'll be looking into those as well. (Wouldn't it be a hoot if I could buy this shit-box? I'd toss the bloody pee-oh the fuck out and that one in the back at the end of her “lease”. THEN, I could look for “more suitable” resident(s) back there as income... turn the PO into a loo with tub... Hell, MY hot water is already running into it! Anyway, I seriously doubt Mass-hole would sell to me... and the villagers most likely would have dancing shit fits if he even mentioned doing so. Hey! They WANT a post office? Build one! I'm in nobody's debt in this place any longer. Not that I ever was... but I've “paid my dues.) - Enough of this... I'll look into it more in the coming days. THERE'S A PLACE OUT THERE... I JUST HAVE TO LOOK... AND BE PATIENT... THERE'S A PLACE OUT THERE! I MADE IT TO VT TO RESIDE. I WANTED THE TRUCK... I WANTED TO COME BACK TO NY... AND I WAS INTRIGUED BY NEW RUSSIA... THERE'S A PLACE OUT THERE... THERE IS... - 19.44 Yonah is tucked-in and the furnace just turned off. I'd put it on to take the “chill” out of the house and Yonah's room, for the evening. He really didn't seem to want to get to sleep at 19.30 tonight! KISSES and MORE KISSES! Oh, it's difficult for me, to begin with, leaving him at a day's end, but when he seems to want to stay up longer.... But he's supposed to get 10-14 hours of rest per day, and according to reading, his “usual bed-time” is at 19.30 anyway (surely, that's Summer hours, but still, there's no reason why he can't be “tucked-in” by then anyway... and in here, the “light and dark” are, for too much of the time, artificial anyway). So, tonight he's “on schedule”. - Tomorrow morning we'll see when he wakes up. Last night he was in for the night at about 19.15 and I still had to go in to him at almost 8.00 this morning. And tomorrow morning, I have to get to Pearl again... so... - Deb and Julio will be back tomorrow evening or so and Friday, I won't have to be there. It's been rather nice, being up and on the road in the morning, these past couple of days. Oh well. At least they know that if they need to go away again... I'm here, and I know how to get it into my day. - And tomorrow after-noon, I might go to the skip. I have a bag to get rid of and then some. And I'll make another trip at month's end anyway... for the new year. Oh... I don't look forward to that coming. Even with the shitty increase in income. I'm POSITIVE THAT THERE'S SOMEBODY OUT THERE DROOLING THEMSELF INTO A VERITABLE FLOOD OF SALIVA WAITING FOR AND PLANNING ON SNATCHING NOT ONLY THE LITTLE EXTRA BUT MORE (they NEVER come for “equal”... it's ALWAYS MORE MORE MORE AND THEN MORE!)!!! Well... we'll just have to cross that when it comes. And if it comes HERE, and the rent? Well... I'll go for HUD, and when they come to look at the place, I'll be sure to be here to give them a lovely “tour”... and list. We shall see. Meanwhile... I'll look into “mortgages”. THERE'S A PLACE OUT THERE... THERE *IS* A PLACE OUT THERE! - Right now though, I'm feeling like I'm coming-down with a cold or something of the sort. My sinuses are acting up, I'm a touch on the “head-achey” side. My chest has been bothering me quite a lot today and my eyes burn! I tell you what, right here: it best NOT be some kind of shit-fuckerie from next door... chemical fumes and the sort. Well? If she harms Yonah... she'll be looking for another place to call “shelter”. Me? I'll be “out of this world”... and Yonah and I will be doing what-ever it is we do “after this world” together. I don't care. I can't care. I have no “care” to give any more. - On that note... I'm posting this and Yonah's page to the servers... have a bit of ice cream and a Brit. I want a shower tonight... mostly for the new shampoo. My scalp still has a “spot” I want to get rid of and it's been “itchy” again today. I wonder what, exactly, it is up there... but... as I wonder... I'll try to get rid of it. I've been putting the antifungal on for several days now, fresh each night. If worse comes to worst... another drop of tea-tree oil... I'll do what I must. Not that anybody will ever see it. But I'll know what's there... and it'll remind me with the itch. - 19.56 POSTING TIME! - 20.00 Posted! - 22.08 This is more like it! Now let's see how often I'm up with contractions through the night to keep me from actually getting any restful sleep!
Thu.09.Dec: 6.31 Up, around, dressed, in from smoke, and I can't figure why I simply felt I HAD to be up and about at this hour. There's nothing “pressing” to be done. It's still dark out there. There's slush, the main is wet. It isn't “cold”, really, but dampish. I kicked the furnace for a moment. And I'm feeling like going back to bed. But, here I am and here I be. Just waiting for my little Heart and Soul to call. I COULD go to serve breakfast for Pearl, but not in the dark, really. Oh well. Here I am... - And a thought: the nose and sinuses... They've been “spreading” on the roads again. What-ever it is in that mixture, it's always played havoc with my sinuses. Between the roads and what-ever comes up from the furnace... well, there we have it, an excuse. - Deborah and Julio are due back some time today. No “Pearl” tomorrow. But tomorrow, Yonah's new light bulbs are due to arrive. And then? - And I was thinking of going to the skip today... we'll see about it. Or not. - And the thought of moving... AGAIN! ANOTHER ADDRESS, LOCATION, PLACE... ANOTHER ONE! THIS was supposed to be the “last”. Yeah, well... I looked in on Yonah earlier... the light in that room is disgusting! No darkness in this shit-box. And the pee-oh light as well. Fucking nonsense. What a way to start a day. - But... the rest of it will be Yonah and I and that's all that will matter for it all. - Now... let's... what-ever. - 8.53 WELL! SUN IS BRILLIANT! PEARL WAS IN THE DRIVE WHEN I ARRIVED. SHE BLENDS RIGHT IN WITH THE SNOW! SO BEAUTIFUL! AND YONAH IS HAVING BREAKFAST! GLORIOUS! THIS TRULY IS A BEAUTIFUL WAY TO BEGIN A DAY! (I'm really sad that today was the last day. Deborah, Julio and Rosie are coming back today so tomorrow? Well... “tomorrow”. But TOMORROW... it's just YONAH-TIME again! AND HEY! I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO OBJECTIONS AT ALL WHAT-SO-EVER TO THAT!) Deborah says “Come down any time!” (8.00? To see Pearl? I chuckle.) - 12.34 YONAH'S LIGHTS ARRIVED THIS MORNING! “Nice”... “Blue” and rather heavy, but one is in the lamp and seems to be OK. SO I'M HAPPY! And he's been SO ACTIVE ALL MORNING! - AND I BOUGHT A CROCHET PATTERN FOR A DOVE... GOING TO GIVE IT A TRY WITH THE YARN I HAVE... - RENT CHEQUE CLEARED TODAY TOO! - 19.09 WE HAVE HAD ANOTHER WONDERFUL DAY TOGETHER! And again, I laid down twice on the futon and both times, Yonah came over IMMEDIATELY! He must ENJOY being with me when I snooze! AND AGAIN, I TRIED GETTING HIM UNDER THE BLANKET AND AGAIN, IT DIDN'T PHASE HIM IN THE LEAST. HE WAS JUST AS CALM UNDER THERE AS HE COULD BE. AND WHEN I MOVED THE BLANKET SO THAT HE COULD SEE HIS WAY “OUT”, HE SIMPLY CLIMBED UP TO MY ARM, “ADJUSTED” HIS FEATHERS AND WENT ON HIS BUSINESS. HE TRUSTS ME SO MUCH AND I CONSIDER THAT THE GREATEST BLESSING, HONOUR, PRIVILEGE, GIFT I COULD EVER RECEIVE IN AN ENTIRE LIFE-TIME... AND THEN SOME! - I DID start to try that crochet pattern today. It's not quite “right”. I'm not sure what I did wrong but... there's time. And if I get it right, I'll have to get the proper colours of yarn (IF that's at all possible in this shit-hole country any more... but I move along... quickly) and give it a try that way too. Meanwhile, I'm still leaning more toward making a dove (or two) from the pillow case. Yonah likes the cases... so... All I need do is figure out how to cut and sew... and I've been thinking of a “velcro” base that can attach to a weight of some sort... perhaps a little “bag” of sand. I'd like it to be able to be on his perch too so... “planning”... - We were together until I went for evening “meal” (veggies and noodles... because, well... too bleating lazy, really, and I've been feeling so “off” and tired all day... for no reason... I SLEPT THROUGH THE ENTIRE NIGHT LAST NIGHT! I SHOULDN'T BE THIS TIRED ALL THE BLEATING BLOODY TIME!) and I was done and into water-change before 18.00! - We get to try this new light bulb today too. Personally, I don't like it. It's fucking BLUE! Honestly! The claim is “full spectrum of natural sun-light with-out harmful UV”... THE SUN IS NOT BLUE! And Yonah doesn't seem as pleased with this one as he was the previous. I HAVE to find out what that one was and get another of those. Not sure what I'll do with these... 20$ each... and they're shit! Oh well... stick one up my arse when I'm dead... I'll illuminate something. What-ever. I just don't want to bother with the returns and refunds again. It's “Walmarde”. They're good with such things but... then I'd have to goo back to the other bulb for a while... I'll think about it though. If Yonah doesn't like it tomorrow... back they go. 40$ and I'll drive to some-where where I can get a better bulb. After all... if Yonah doesn't enjoy it... and it IS ALL ABOUT HIM! - In other news... I wish I could kick this FATIGUE! IT'S ANNOYING! AND I'M CHILLED ALL THE TIME! FUEL! FURNACE! FUCK! Been thinking: the hospital and “MD” said the lung is just “granuloma”... Trust them? I've no reason to do so. And if I should drop dead? Nobody will sue them. Just annoys me. - Oh... before I forget... the thing next door used the back walk this morning to get to the PO... I swept, after the fact, that walk. I wonder... I'M GOING TO BE SORRY... PUNISHED... but oh well... - And learnt that Robin came from a “social services” (child and adult protection) back-ground. She truly IS a “caring” sort. She said she didn't put the bulbs in the “parcel box” out-side because of the cold and she didn't want to risk any sort of damage! She's CONSIDERATE! (I'll be sure to reciprocate... clear her way in. If she's that sweet... and kind...) - 20.14 Yonah got “tuck-in” at 19.30 and he didn't want to go to sleep again tonight! And I SWEAR, IF I COULD, I'D CLIMB IN WITH HIM FOR THE NIGHT! I HAVE TO GET A LITTLE DOVE MADE FOR HIM! But he's in, and his door is open for a while... the furnace has been up for a moment, to keep the chill out of his room whilst the door is open. But, I'm going to try for 22.00 at the very latest to bed tonight again. His door will be closed soon and his room will stay quite nicely warm then. - Just managed to post to that “pigeon.biz” site asking either for reinstatement or an explanation about the accusation of “spamming”. Pisses me off. Not, mind, that I expect to do much posting to it but... it's on Yonah's “Bibliography” and I'm “cleaning that up” so if they're charlatans, I'll mention and remove. (It truly is novel... I have NO patience or tolerance any more these days... It's like the “old New Yorker” really has come back AND now it's and OLD old New Yorker. Ah... fukkemall.) - Let's see what tomorrow brings anyway. - Oh... the O'Fux across the road have their “holiday” do up on the porch. Ah... this year... “the girls” have nothing to look at over here. The lights are out of the windows, the porch is bare and it's all staying that way. They and theirs can go to Hell. (See? No patience or tolerance.) - Let's leave this at this... I don't need to be aggravated now. - We look to tomorrow... as we live the moment NOW. This house will be calm... for my Little Guy! - 22.25 Off to bed. Close to last night's time, though tonight... no shower. Honestly, I just don't know where time goes and how it manages to slip by. “Old”... that's what it is... just “old”.
Fri.10.Dec: 6.59 and my “morning routine” is done, including serving of breakfast on the back gallery. And why? Why up so early of a morn? No idea. But here I am, here it is and... I'm ready for the “morning call”. There's a town trip in line today. I don't want to, I never want to. But... - And there's that “rock” in the upper chest again this morning. If I could get rid of that, all would be perfect. HAH! “Perfect”. Are you serious? Obviously not. - (It's Sunday, 12 December, 10.36... I have “notes” from today so I'm going to run them through, as it were, recount as much as I can and get on with this. I haven't posted to the server since so...):
20.17 NOTES: I went to Yonah at about 8.00. He was up but never called. I DON'T LIKE IT when he's so quite in the morning and it gets to be 8.00! My heart goes into “dark and heavy” then. I don't take ANY days with him for granted and I NEVER take “the next day” as being “granted” or other-wise guaranteed. But, he was up... and we got right into the morning routine. After all... there is no “day”, no “time”, no “life” with-out him and HIS comfort comes before ALL. - Of note today: I'm “suspended” on TWITTER! At first it was for 6 hours and then, as soon as I “deleted the offending post” and went to respond to a post, they changed it to 12 hours... fuktardz. Oh well. SUCCESS! AND I PISSED-OFF A “CONSERVATIVE” SO THAT MAKES ME ALL THE PROUDER! Yes, indeed... some account called “Conservnews1”. Imagine that! All I said was that a politician ought to be dragged along an old dirt road to a gallows and hanged... live-streamed”. “Truth”... it kills. Fukkem! Anyway... no inconvenience to me. And there are other platforms. Fukkem. I'm still waiting for when I'll be completely wiped from Twats... IP address and such. Oh well. Fukkem... Fuk this so-called “country”. What a waste. It's good being of a frame of mind where, the basic fact of all matter is: as long as Yonah is here, I'm here. We go together... and his “expectancy” is 5 years... I don't care about the rest of the world. We'll take our moments as we have them. ALL I NEED do is be here for him for as long as he's here. Other than that? The world can rot out there. - I started working on Yonah's Bibliography page today and it took ALL the day save the quick trip into town for smokes and a few provisions. I THOUGHT THAT would be a matter of under 30 minutes but... of course... BULL-SHIT! At FamDoll, some woman's cheque wouldn't process and I went to the back to get Cassey who was “managing” as Rylan un-loaded a delivery truck. When I returned to the front of the store, Penny, on register, said “Are you SURE you don't want some work? We SURE CAN USE YOUR HELP!” Between my fatigue these days and that “mask bull-shit”... never mind. So the trip took MUCH longer than I'd planned. I was NOT “pleased!” - On the roll back to the shit-box, I stopped at Deborah's just to make sure she was back... and PEARL WAS AT THE FEEDER! SHE TRULY IS GORGEOUS! SO BRILLIANTLY WHITE! Deborah came to the door, invited me in but I had groceries in the truck and had left it running to keep it warm. We chatted at the door. Deb's down because of the situation in The City. Says it's so “empty”... and people are really down in mood. She called it “sad”. (They're on W86th but I don't know where.) She apologised for not bringing any mondongo. I made light of it. BUT... she told me she'd left a gift bag on the door for me... I thought I'd noticed as I drove by the shit-box on the way to her house. When I got back, I brought the bag in... A PAD OF WATER COLOUR PAPER, A SET OF ACRYLICS, SOME BRUSHES, LINGONBERRY JAM AND A BEAUTIFUL WOOD-CUT DOVE ORNAMENT! IMAGINE? I CALLED TO THANK HER IMMEDIATELY (AND NOW I HAVE TO GET BUSY PAINTING! “HOLIDAY CARDS”!) She says and sends “come by any time”. Anyway, it was SO thoughful of her to bring gifts back. As I looked at the dove, which is now hanging on the “tree” limb beside Yonah's house... since I spend my time with him, in his room and we can both enjoy it here... I thought “Gee, the days when I could have gone to so many little specialty stores and find unique items. Those days are gone, never to return. There'll never be such a luxury out-side The City... and, well, The City is now dying so rapidly. It won't be much longer and it'll be empty, abandoned, decayed... Well?” As I say: I expected this to happen... I just never thought it'd happen in my life-time... but here it is, here we are. But I had some REALLY GREAT TIMES in that city! I've been “blessed”. Good times. Sad times. Easy times. Hard times. Fascinating times... Times... They're over now... and what-ever's there now will never have them. Their own business... fault... stupidity. Let it go. - OTHER THAN THAT, THE DAY WAS COMPLETELY OCCUPIED WITH THE BIBLIO PAGE AND IT'S NOT DONE YET. I'm being “particular” and want to link all the references. It's Yonah's site! It's Yonah's message... to the world! The world NEEDS to stop MURDERING these Little Ones! Yes, in this “perfect Creation” something must die for something else to live. But... really... DOVES? Buy a fucking CHICKEN OR SOMETHING AT THE FUCKING MARKET! There's NO excuse for MURDERING DOVES! (As if anybody will ever notice or even care.) - Meal was more noodles and veg. Done in under 45 minutes. I should pull something out of the freezer but a. I'm just being lazy and b. I'm concerned about having food in the house. It really is quite interesting these days... all those years when I put bottles of water in the fridge to give the appearance of “stuff in the fridge” and today... I open the freeze and things fall out. (It's not that I can't afford to get more food... but at the rate things are going in the world these days... there's almost nothing in the market as it is. And I don't see it getting better. The Communists have taken control... it's about to become MUCH WORSE. So I'm “hoarding” food. Hey! Thankfully I paid attention to the parents and grands... they survived “The Great Depression”. Yonah and I will be just fine. - Well Yonah's “tuck-in” was at about 19.15... lights dimmed at 19.00. It's dark by 16.30 these days and his “natural” sleep would be then. But 19.30 seems to be a good hour for him. I SO wish I could spend the night with him... closer than just on the futon. I literally miss him... even from the room next. And... I think he likes the new light bulb so I'll call it a keeper. Besides, it's not a matter of whether or not I like it... I'm still going to try to find that “Natural Spectrum” bulb though. He seems to have enjoyed that much more. Not sure what I'll do with the 20$ bulbs though. Maybe put one in another lamp some-where in this shit-box? Shame I don't have the inspiration to garden any more. They'd be perfect for seed-starting. Oh well... maybe some day... SOON, please! - And I'm tired again tonight... took pills at 20.00 and it's 20.24 now... I want to get to bed soon. No particular reason for an “early night”... I think it's just to fight out-right depression... the days shortening, my feeling of general disapproval of me. - There was just a “thud” from the live-stock next-door. The shit sits about all bloody day doing shit-fuk-all... only to start at night! Fine, it's not technically “late” but the sun's gone... time for the world to settle! Dumarse, that one. I have to check the “listings” again. I'm not sure HOW I'll move, but if I find something I can afford in the long run... WE'LL FIGURE IT OUT! “It's out there... some-where... It's out there.” - Shabbat tomorrow. Yonah and I together... I've the biblio page and... I should get to some “art”. I have a card I want to send to Ev... Chanukah, Christmas, Kwanza... her birthday! - So that's my notes for now.... - 22.16 I got the notion to go looking for wooden boxes... not saying why... I just want to keep him close... when we “leave” together. - Reinstated on the Twats. “Verglas”i in the morning but a week of “postive” temps daily! For now... I'm off to bed! Today is done...
Sat.11.Dec: 2018 BROKE MY TOE PULLING ICE-COVERED FIE WOOD FOR “MADAME”. DROVE MY-SELF TO THE ER. WHEN SHE NOTICED, NEXT DAY, THE “SANDAL” ON MY FOOT AND I TOLD HER WHAT HAD HAPPENED SHE SIMPLY REPLIED “YOU NEED TO BE MORE CAREFUL”. 6.45 I can't believe this! I'm dressed and having first “real” coffee already. The terracotta is lit, back gallery breakfast is served, my morning routine is complete. I woke, of my own, at 5.45 by the bed-room clock, waited for the 6.00 alarm and got out of bed and rolled. Why? I don't know, really, but I've done. AND, with the exception of ONE contraction, and ONE trip to the loo... slept through the night. And this morning? Well... I'm not “rested”, and my head's a little on the “poundy” side for no reason, but, here I am and let's get on with it then. Shall we? - Oh... today, 2018, I smashed my toe stacking fire-wood... and was told “You need to be more careful.” Ah, the things we recall. - Which reminds: I peeked into Yonah's room earlier. In spite of the drizzly, dark grey morning out-side, his room is rather “well-illuminated” by the shit-light at the corner. So, at least, THAT much remains the same... FIRST THING IN THE MORNING... SOMETHING TO REALLY PISS ME OFF! *THERE'S A PLACE OUT THERE... IT'S THERE... IT'S JUST A MATTER OF TIME. THERE IS A PLACE OUT THERE. * I've had it with this shit-box fuck-hole. Truly, really have. - Moving along as we await “the call”... A day ahead with my Little Guy! - 8.32 I had to go in to check on Yonah at almost 8.00 this morning... but there he was, in the relative darkness of this rainy morning, obviously awake but it did seem he might have preferred a “sleep-in” this morning. And that can't be faulted because it IS quite dark and grey and raining and not exactly “warm” (although we're to expect a high of 8° today which is a blessing... of itself). But, I opened the curtains and blinds slowly, in the light of the day, and got the “morning routine” done by the same. No rush. After all, the birds in the yard haven't arrived as yet so it must be a “sleep-in” morning. (The squirrels and chipmunks are out there though, of course, eating the breakfast intended for the doves... but, “all God's creatures must eat”, and I'm not about to deny them. And I have to get more soon. There's one bag left from the “donations”. Oh well. Money well-spent.) - Anyway, I'm at the work table. Yonah's out and about already. Bird-songs playing. The desk lamp is on. And the rest of the house? Well... it's “over there”. In Yonah's room, we're just fine. Let's see what the day brings. - Oh... “News” this morning: There's ANOTHER “MASK MANDATE” for “open, public spaces that don't demand 'vaccination ID'”. I'm curious to see what's what at the market now. But Rensselaer County (TROY... WTRY! JIM! 46 years ago.) is ignoring it! - 9.03 Got lost looking at Troy... Looks clean but VERY populated and not particularly “attractive”... I say no more. And the county is on the border of... VT and Mass... NOT attractive either. Oh well... We'll just keep looking. - Mean-while, Yonah has taken to his little “moss nest”, there's a slight “damp chill” to the room... the door's about to be closed and I'm (tired... again... nothing new) off to finish (I should hope) the new “Biblio” page! After that? The moments... as the come. - 20.42 Yonah's “Biblio” and “Sitemap” have been updated and are fresh and clean and up and live! Took me ALL DAY to get them done and loaded. But then, as has been explained on HIS Journal, which has just been up-loaded, HE WAS IS QUITE THE MOOD TODAY... ALL DAY! PLAYFUL! AND CURIOUS! AND ALL ABOUT THE ROOM AS I TRIED TO WORK... and I DID try to get it all done... in between playing. We didn't even get a proper “snooze” all day! - And I've been still that “off” today. Not “sick”, just “off”. Can't quite figure what it is. And “tight in the chest” too... THAT'S what “they” call “Anxieties”. Well? Being in this shit-box might be taking a bit of a toll, no matter how I try to dodge and avoid it. - Thankfully though, it was a “warm” day today and this shit-box was quite “comfy” and the furnace didn't run! One less “anxiety”! - AND... AND *** THE PHOTO PAPER AND WATER-COLOUR PAPER CAME TODAY! *** Not due until Monday but... here it is! Just... WOW and YAY! The water-colour paper is rather light-weight... perfect for mailings. Printed images... I'm not sure how it'll be with water-colours, but I'll give it a try. BUT I CAN PRINT PHOTOS... TO SEND TO EV! I've been looking forward to that! AND... on the water-colour, maybe a print of a photo of YONAH! For the house... this shit-box! (Though I DO want to do a water-colour of him... and THAT would be GRAND to have... I can frame and hang the “prints” around... in the bed-room... Yonah's room... the kitchen... on the front of the house... on a banner... OK... enough.) - “Meal” tonight... I cooked noodles and veg in mushroom soup... a bit more to the calories. Still, I have to get something substantial out of the freezer or... Oddly, when I looked at the last market receipt, the “balance” is 400!!! I'd LIKE to get to Hannaford's! Better selection, quality, prices and quantities. I'll have to see if I can't shove it in... after all... I'm HOPING they have black-eye peas. (I could stop at Walmarde too... kitchen roll for Yonah. We're about to open the next package... thing is... I really CAN'T afford THAT kind of shopping... but.. we shall see.) - Other-wise, a nice day... no e-mails, no bills in the post, nobody at the doors. - OF COURSE, THE SHIT NEXT-DOOR HAD A “DOOR-THWACKING FIT” AT ONE POINT THIS AFTER-NOON... REPEATEDLY THWACKING THE SCREEN DOOR OVER THERE. AND THEN, AS IS USUAL... AT ABOUT 19.30, THE RUMBLING OF WHAT-THE-FUCK-EVER IT DOES AT THE END OF A DAY! BUT... OH JUST FUCK! - Anyway, tomorrow's supposed to be sunny... 4°... tonight's low, 0°. The wind is blowing out there now, but the rains have stopped so hopefully the winds will dry things a bit so I can get out and get Yonah a new tree and some more moss (from down the road... the moss I have is odd... it just disintegrates... and the bit that I'd put in there already is like a “hardened mat”, and he's made a “nest” of the old moss so I have to get more of that for him). - Thankfully, the house was comfortably warm during the day too... and the furnace kicked only once. - And so, now... I still have some “catch-up” to do on this Journal (something to do with tomorrow morning's coffee as I await “the call”) tomorrow... I'm in no mood tonight. In fact, I thought I was just going to jot notes but here I am, carried away. - Thought: Mindy and the art-work. Hmmm.... - Never mind. Just “another one”. - Oh... last night, I fell asleep planning “action” if this place ever had another “earth-quake”. Deborah says they had a rather serious one some years back, shifted her house and cause considerable damage. I wonder what happened to this shit-box then. Anyway, I DREAD thinking what would happen were there to be another. This place would likely crumble... so I was planning on how to get Yonah safe! Ah... today, the news is TORNADOES striking in Kentucky and some other state where they don't usually happen and they were SERIOUS! I can't see such a thing happening here, with these mountains, but one never knows... and all the while I have to think... YONAH! And yes, all the more reason to get out of and away from here... ASAP. - Well.. .it's 21.01 and I want to be in bed in about and hour so... Perry's, a Brit and away! - I've put tea-tree oil on my head tonight... it's already starting to itch. But there's still that “patch”... so... We shall see... I was going to shower before bed... NOPE! I'll have to tomorrow night anyway. No sense using hot water when not necessary. Things are about to become “tight”... I'm sure. - 21.15 PANIC !!!!! RECEIVED E-MAIL NOTICE OF NOTICE FM SOCSEC! HEADED DIRECTLY! THANKFULLY THE DAMNED LOG-IN WORKED! JUST THE CONFIRMATION OF THE INCREASE AND THAT NOTHING WILL BE TAKEN OUT! (For all it's worth.) - AND A NOTICE FROM SPECTRUM THAT SOME “STORM” CALLED “ATTICUS” IS HEADED THIS WAY AND THAT THERE WILL BE OUTAGES... FUNNY, DIDN'T GET A WARNING FROM NYSEG... BUT... JUST AS I WAS FINISHING “PRINTING TO PDF” THE SOCSEC NOTICE, THE LIGHTS FLICKERED! I DON'T CARE ABOUT ME OR THE HOUSE BUT YONAH! WELL? MAYBE I CAN PUT THE TERRACOTTA IN HIS ROOM... AND WE CAN BUNK TOGETHER FOR THE NIGHT. OH... SO MUCH FOR A “GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP” FOR ME NOW... I'LL BE WORRIED ABOUT THE ELECTRIC GOING OUT AND YONAH'S HEAT IS ELECTRIC... ALARMS TO BE SET THROUGH THE NIGHT TONIGHT... OFF TO THE BRITS WHILST I MAY. BUT THANKFULLY... THE SOCSEC WAS OK NEWS! - 22.23 Just in from last smoke on the porch. There's a “chilled” breeze blowing out there, nothing but the air moving, actually, and the lights are flickering! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? Alarms to be set tonight. Thankfully, I got to watch “Have I Got News For You”. Now? Off to a night of interrupted sleep... the night before I have PLANS for the following day! - And goodness... the shits across the main have their “Xmas tree” all lit in the window. Me? FUKKIT! FUKKEM! FUKKEMALL! - Fuck.
Sun.12.Dec: 7.17 THE CALL! AND ON WITH THE DAY! - 10.27 It's becoming one of those days where the brain won't co-ordinate with the rest of the body... I have things I want to do, things I need to do, things I ought to do and my brain-body functions are just all askew. I want to get a tree and some moss for Yonah (but I don't want to leave him alone). I have “printings” to do, have the paper and ink but just don't “feel like” doing any. I have this Journal to complete for Friday, and I'm not in the mood to recount, though it wasn't a bad day and there are notes. There's book-keeping to be done and, well, that just pisses me off to look at it and wonder where, in Fux name, the money has gone already. There's an outlet that needs to be replaced. Shit that has to be organised for the “year end”. Hoovering. Baking. Eggs that need to be cooked... And oddly, I've been cold all morning, and it isn't really “cold” in the house. I slept well-enough through the night. (And the electric didn't go out... though, some guy across the main, this morning, obviously not a “local” because he spoke to me... told that Plattsburgh got quite “hammered” in the winds and such over-night.) And I got out of bed at about 6.30-ish, feeling the usual bedraggled but nothing out of the ordinary. The sun is shining. Yonah's in good spirits. It's “me”... I'm really rather “angry” because of being here and such, not wanting to leave the hamlet but not wanting to be in this shit-box. Oh well... It's about to become “Just MOVE”... move forward... blindly, and eventually all will get done. So... on we go... (I have the furnace on... it took just the slightest to get it to start so the house is a bit chilled... that too, pisses me off... there are cold “currents” and I don't know where they're coming from!) - 11.18 Finished the Journal! Yonah is on his “loft”... the sun is POURING in and it's warm! Sadly... it's moving across the sky too fucking quickly! - And I'm about to have a lie-down... I hope Yonah stays in his sun-shine. I need a touch of shut-eye and to decide and get out there... to get him a tree! - 11.49 WE JUST TOOK A SNOOZE TOGETHER! 15 MINUTES... I DO BELIEVE I CAN FACTUALLY SAY: YONAH IS DOING THIS KNOWINGLY! HE “WANTS” TO BE WITH ME! NO DOUBT ABOUT IT! - And now... the sun is still shining. It's a bit windy out there, and the FLOOR IN HIS ROOM IS COLD! I just might give a try to a trip to Plattsburgh and get a rug for this room. (There's another one of those fucking “mask mandates” for “public spaces” unless “proof of vaccination” is given... Walmarde should be interesting... it's the drive and time and gas and then to be denied entry? FUCK THEM! Really! It's blatant attempted murder. NONE of these “politicians”... and I'll bet the “law enforcers” aren't “jabbed”. Well... it's the times... ) - I have to get some more stuff caught-up here and then head out for a bit... TREE HUNTING FOR YONAH! - 12.25 I have to get on the move here and try to get that tree for Yonah. The sun is shining and it's above freezing out there. But I'm SO TIRED again now. And feeling generally “ick”. Don't know why. Just REALLY FATIGUED! - But, I've got this Journal caught-up... and Yonah's started for today. I'll post THIS to the server and see about getting out. - MEANWHILE... THE FUCKING WASHER IS GURGLING UP IN THE LOO BASIN! I'M FUCKING SICK OF THAT, TO BE SURE! MORE LYE? DYNAMITE? I should have put that machine out of service when I had the chance. Oh well... More incentive to keep up the search to get the ACTUAL FUCK OUT OF HERE! - “Tired”... just tired. - 12.59 Done... and sitting here wondering if there isn't some kind of “toxic fume” in this house that's making me sick. Well... if I come back from “tree hunting” and feel better... there's going to be a call to a health inspector... or something... I'll have to go out of the area, I'm sure, but... If ANY HARM COMES TO YONAH... WELL... WE''LL BOTH GO TO CREMATION... IN THE COMFORT OF OUR OWN BEDS. THIS ADDRESS WILL BE A HOLE IN THE GROUND AND THE 12964 POSTAL CODE WILL CEASE TO EXIST! I TRULY AM AT THE END OF ALL OF MY WITS AND PATIENCE THESE DAYS. I CAN'T SAY WHETHER OR NOT IT HAS MUCH-IF-ANYTHING TO DO WITH ALL OF THIS “FLU BULL-SHIT” OR JUST THE BULL-SHIT IN GENERAL. ONE THING FOR CERTAIN, THE INCIDENT WITH THE “BRANDON” FLAG JUST PUSHED EVERYTHING OVER THE EDGE. MY SENSE OF HUMOUR AROUND HERE IS *** GONE *** !!! SO TOO, MY SENSE OF “TOLERANCE” AND “CIVILITY” SO MUCH IS CRASHING... AND I'LL TAKE THE REST WITH IF I MUST. “PUSH ME... I FUCKING DARE!” - I need to move on, move along, get on with this day. I NEED to. - 16.55 YONAH HAS A NEW TREE AND THERE'S MORE OF THE “GOOD MOSS” IN THE HOUSE FOR HIM! I left just after typing the “Done” and was back in the house and busy potting the tree before 14.00! And the best part? One trip... right down at the river! I was a bit worried that I wouldn't be able to get a tree because of frozen ground and, yes, for the most part, only the surface soil was loose. But a few milimetres below, the earth is SOLID! But then, I noticed some mosses, nice little “blankets” of it and as I was lifting that, a little tree caught my eye. I didn't think I'd be able to dig it up but... MIRACLE... IT WAS IN THE LOOSEST SOIL! It almost lifted right up! OK. So it's not a “perfect” little tree. It isn't as full as the previous tree, but, it's a cute little tree, it's fresh, it's alive, it fits in Yonah's house and so, we'll see if it starts growing now that it's in the warmth again. Anyway, I was thinking that I'd have to go to the river for the tree and then down the main, to the bog, for the moss. ONE TRIP! DONE! And when I got back in, and it was all a matter of moments, I was thrilled! So now, new tree (that I've “situated” as much away from the direct heat as possible and still giving Yonah “free flight space” and “perch space” as well), and MUCH MORE MOSSES! I DID something with this day! (It's about bleating time!) - After it all, I got to HOOVER as well! Yonah's room needed it. And there's more that needs to be done, but I'm just pushing everything... “Month End” is coming. Of course, I'm pretty sure that “month end” will be miserable “cleaning” weather. These next few days are supposed to be clear and sunny and above freezing... Come Saturday though... we plunge back into Winter... negative temps... negative temps... and more negative temps (I wonder if I'll get an “emergency fuel” this year... I wonder if I'll need one... I wonder... fukkit). But I did get the Hoovering done and the tree, moss and Hoovering were the 3 items on the “immediate” list. DONE! - I also used some of that “IKEA” paper and put it over the boxes in the corner under the limb in Yonah's room. It gives a better appearance than “boxes”. (I'm getting fed-up with the boxes in this place... but, I'm thinking “moving” and so, I continue to hold them. One of these days... Fuck. THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE LAST OF THE THOUGHTS OF MOVING! OH JUST FUCK!) - I ALSO WENT TO THE CELLAR TO CHECK THE BLOODY FURNACE AND OIL TANK! I'M HONESTLY NOT FEELING “WELL” TODAY AND I SEEM TO HAVE SMELLED OIL IN YONAH'S ROOM DURING THE DAY. THE TANK IS STILL ABOVE THE “HALF”. THERE'S NO SIGNS OF LEAKING ANY-WHERE. I TOOK PHOTOS OF IT THOUGH.. JUST IN CASE. I DON'T TRUST THIS PLACE, THE MASS-HOLE... NONE OF IT, ANY MORE. FUCKING SHAME... THE WHOLE FUCKING SITUATION. BUT AT LEAST THE TANK IS STILL ABOVE HALF. I'M GRATEFUL FOR THAT! - Now? To prepare some eggs, salmon, veggies... toss all into the non-stick and call it... “nourishment”. I need to get something else together for food. But there are so many eggs... and I need to bake bread... can use more eggs to make dumplings to freeze (and then try to figure how to stuff them into the freezer. THAT TOO, needs to be cleaned out! And there's frozen milk in there... “Dairy bread”? What-ever.. - It's just a bit of a difficult day because I'm feeling SO FATIGUED! VERY FATIGUED. SERIOUSLY FATIGUED! Nothing else “wrong”... just FATIGUE. (I'll see about calling “HEAP” tomorrow... I believe they have some sort of “furnace checking service”... Better to have it properly checked... I don't care about me... other than “me” HAS to be here for YONAH! AND I'M GROWING CONCERNED ABOUT YONAH TOO... HE HASN'T EATEN MUCH AT ALL ALL DAY TODAY! I'M NOT COMFORTABLE WITH THAT! -
17.19 TEA-TREE OIL! THE FATIGUE. THE GENERAL “ICK”. HAPPENS WHEN-EVER I USE TEA-TREE OIL. AND I'VE BEEN PUTTING IT ON MY SCALP AGAIN... WELL THEN... TONIGHT? SHOWER! AND NO TEA-TREE O IL. WE'LL SEE HOW TOMORROW GOES.
20.38 I'm doing notes again because tonight I MUST SHOWER AND GET THIS TEA-TREE OIL OFF MY SKIN! - But Yonah's journal is up-loaded and it covers the day so... tomorrow, I'll have to look there to fill in today's events. The forecast is for SUN and above-zero temps coming in the week! (Minuses at night but single digits!) -
23.20 HONESTLY! I was SO believing that I'd be in bed by 22.00 or 22.30 at the latest! Well? Here's to hoping for SLEEP anyway. - Yonah's Anniversary tomorrow! 14 months! KRISTE! THAT TIME WENT BY TOO DAMNED QUICKLY!
Mon.13.Dec: 9.41Imagine... getting up and out of bed at 6.15... and only NOW, getting to the work table. I honestly do NOT know how time passes so quickly any more. It's disgusting, really. But then... for SO many years I used to feel the hours drag, and I resented it. YONAH has changed all that. And there isn't a TRUTH and TRUE as that. And today is out * 14 Month Anniversary *. 14 months... and my gut wrenches when I recall reading, often, TOO often, that a mourning dove's “average life expectancy” is a mere 18 months. 18 months? Well, IF he was born in August, and he came into my life in October, he was then, already 2 months of age. That would mean that HE is at his 16-month... giving US a mere 2 months more! February? THIS is going to be a horrid Winter, to be sure! (And then too, there's this shit-box they call a “house”... with it's cracks and creaks and odd and foul odours... not to mention the shit-sax next door with the cigarette smoke and such. And then... will moving cause him trauma? Well, fact is: If HE has a mere 2 more months, so too, do I because I will NOT bother with “Life” if LIFE doesn't include Yonah. We'll “take to the Eternal together”... one way or another. To be sure. - And, as for this morning? I was at the kitchen table, lost in the soc.med. as one does, when, at 7.45 (and I have NO idea HOW all that time passed) came... MORNING CALL ! So EVERYTHING ELSE GOT DROPPED IMMEDIATELY! And sure enough, there he was, awake and waiting... and again, this morning, as yesterday, I no sooner opened his door and he was OUT and ABOUT the room! And he watched, from his door perch, as I changed water, and went about the usual morning. I'm looking forward to the “new experiences” of today... so far, he's been rather “active” again so, I don't see a “boring” day ahead. - I've got that bowl of sand in the oven as I type. The previous moss has been rinsed thoroughly this morning and is setting to “drain”. It's not the “good stuff” but it's more moss for him and it's still “green”. I just SO want to make certain there's nothing harmful in it. - And speaking of “harmful”... I DID get a good shower in before bed last night and put the antifungal on my scalp. This morning, with the absence of the tea-tree oil, I'm feeling MUCH improved over yesterday. My body just does NOT tolerate tea-tree oil... not, anyway, that much. But that “patch” seems to be spreading! Looks like I'm going to have to be forced into seeking “proper medical”.... I'll wait until next month when the “new insurance” kicks in... hopefully my scalp won't be “raw” by then? I wish I knew what it is. But then again... the antifungal does say that it doesn't work on the scalp. (And I can't really afford to get anything new at the moment.) - As for the rest of this day? I've “things” to attend... and a card for Ev to get done. And I need to phone her. On Friday, the machine picked-up on the house phone. When that happens, I wonder. But one of these days... as it is with us all. - Funny, in a way, but when I drop, nobody will notice. Nobody phones me. Well, maybe Deborah will notice, but... I don't talk with anybody any more. And nobody has any concern for/about me. But I sit and ponder Ev. When she's no longer around, I'll be communicating with nobody. ALL ties to “The City” and that part of my life will be gone. Imagine? I remember Oma saying that she'd “out-lived all her friends”. SHE had the relatives and her kids. Me? Yonah... - I'm not depressed about it. Just facing facts. - OK... time to get on with the rest... it passes time. - 11.08 JUST catching-up with yesterday's entry for this Journal... and TOOK A SNOOZE... AND AGAIN... I'D NO SOONER LAID HEAD ON PILLOW AND... YONAH CAME FLYING OVER. OK. THIS ISN'T COINCIDENCE! - There's SUN coming in through the windows at long last! - AND YONAH'S ON THE FLOOR AGAIN! IT'S SO CUTE SEEING HIM WALKING ABOUT! He doesn't leave the room though... Maybe that's for the best. But it IS SO CUTE! - 20.33 Yonah's Journal is on the server. Yonah... didn't want to go to sleep tonight! Honestly, it was absolutely delightful! He's like a little kid who just doesn't want to go to bed! The problem is: I wonder if it's because he doesn't want to be alone through the night! THAT breaks my heart, to the core. But I don't know how he'd react to a “house-mate”... male or female. He's had HIS room, HIS house, HIS everything. And me... just him... me. I'd hate to subject another dove to being “rejected”. I just don't “know”. But, it took a bit of out-right “coercion”, and physically getting him back into the house... and by 20.00, he was “tucked-in” (and my heart was in pieces... I might start spending some nights with him... when I'm not “hacking” and keeping him awake through the night). - Meanwhile...There's a VERY strong wind blowing down the main from the North! Thankfully, it isn't bitter, but the “warmth” is leaving tonight, from the looks of things... might return by Thursday but then... BITTER again for the weeks to follow. Hey, it's been a “mild” November and December, all told. The BITTER has to come, eventually. And to be honest about it, I could simply move to the Southern states... but I'd miss the discomfort and inconvenience of the cold, so... Not to mention, it wouldn't be fair to Yonah! Taking him away from here. Bad enough I'm looking to leave this shit-hole hamlet. But the state and climate? No. Besides... my life-span is as long as Yonah's so we'll stick it all out... together. - Oh, I DID make more “goulash” again, today. (The house REEKS of cooking tonight. Spices, seasonings... HEAVY too. Just about as bad as “curry”... and I remember THOSE days all too well. And the “comments” on how it rose to the top of the house on Bay Shore. Tee-hee.) 4 bowls in the fridge tonight... 4 full meals. I'm still not sure WHY I even bothered. In a moment of total “oblvious thinking” I pulled a package of beef from the freezer, heated the “stock pot”... oil, frozen beef... veggies... chick peas, black beans, the broccoli I'd gotten for Yonah but has gone “soft” and... a half-day of cooking... 4 meals at the ready. (It really is quite amazing to look at the fridge these days... Almost PACKED! And there's actual FOOD in there! ALL these years and I've finally reached a fridge that's PACKED... and SO in need of a cleaning-out! And frozen milk in the freeze that has to be used... “Dairy bread”? Probably. Unless I can think of something else... maybe “ice milk”... desserts. No telling if I'll be allowed into the market for food shopping now.... - THE NEW PSYCHOTIC FUCKING BLOOD “MASK MANDATE” FROM THE HIGH-QUNT HOCHUL WENT INTO EFFECT TODAY! I DO need to get to market tomorrow and probably a FamDoll. (I doubt FamDoll will make much of it but... there's no telling for certain.) I posted, on Twats, to Hannaford, Price Chopper and Tops asking if they'll actually deny entry to the un-masked. Not a blip of a trace of a reply. Their probably playing “smart” because they really can't answer publicly. “Yes”, and they're in shit from the gen.pop. “No” and the HER HIGH-QUNTNESS comes ROARING down on them. Meanwhile, I'm just rip-pissed at all the stupidity, incurable mental illness... not just of “government” but the dolts who kow-tow to this bull-shit! This country is just SO GONE! Hopelessly! I'm fed-up with it all... ALL! But it's made the holidays easier to ignore. Between the government, all the little shits in this shit-hole hamlet, and that Mass-hole... my “holiday spirit” is, quite actually, “dead”. I have NO “feelings for or toward” the whole ordeal. Oh well... -
THERE'S A *FREE* “INTRO” COURSE OFFERED ON THE “BIRD RESCUE” SITE IN NEW ZEALAND! I'M ALREADY BUDGETED FOR THE “101” COURSE FOR JANUARY, BUT I CAN TAKE THE “INTRO” THIS MONTH AND THEN GO FOR THE “101”! OH YES! I'LL BE TAKING THAT COURSE THIS MONTH, TO BE SURE, AND THEN GO FOR THE “CERTIFICATE” IN JANUARY! I NEED TO KNOW ALL I POSSIBLY CAN LEARN... FOR YONAH! I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER WE'LL HAVE TOGETHER, BUT WHEN “THE TIME” COMES, I WANT TO HAVE SOME KNOWLEDGE OF WHAT TO EXPECT AND WHAT I CAN POSSIBLY DO TO HELP HIM. I'M EXCITED ABOUT THIS NOW! MORE EDUCATION... SO I CAN BE OF MORE HELP TO HIM!
Well, since I need a few items in the house in the way of “food-stuffs” and I USED to order so much through Amazon, and, let's face it, I'm rather “established” there, and there's 400 to “play with” on the “card”, I'm off to browse. I need olive oil, and the market has nothing but shit. I can't remember what all I used to order, and what's still available but... “black-eye peas”? It's 50$ but... better to have than not have. AND, with this “mandate bull-shit”, I can send the money OUT of the state and away from these gutless dolts. And THAT makes it all the more worth my while. (And I'll be sure to tell the “High Qunt” on social media. And maybe the likes of Hannaford's, PC and Co. will see it. FUKKEM! FUKKEMALL!) Too bad I can't order ice cream. Oh well. I'm used to doing with-out and to making “adjustments”. We'll see what's to come with this. - I'm really tired again though. I was pondering a shower tonight... to use more of that shampoo, or a simple “hair-wash in the basin” but, I really am just too damned tired. And I'm tired of being tired too. Seems I'm like that all the time now... Anxieties, no doubt. This place is getting me down... and that pisses me off... which leads to fatigue. - 23.51! JEEZUS! THE TIME! THE TIME! BUT, I'VE ORDERED 24 TINS OF BLACK-EYE PEAS (now to figure where the fuk to put them), so I'll have them for New Year's this year! (Oh, the superstitions. But hey! We never know for certain. AND... I like them, and I can use them in my “goulashes” too... How that word evokes memories of those horrid “clip-buckle boots”. Never hear of them any more. I wonder if they still exist. Probably not. Something to “look up”... post to social media... for a chuckle.) And there's still 296 left for more shopping, should something come to mind (or I simply storm the market... THAT'LL BE FUN! And if I got to the skip tomorrow, as I'd like to do, I can stop and try en route back to this shit-box. A little something to get the circulation running.) - Closing note: I'm starting to be quite concerned about this shit on my head. I DID feel MUCH better all day today. Yesterday's “ick” was, probably, from the tea-tree oil. My body REALLY doesn't like the stuff. But the patch “seems” to be getting larger... or the tea-tree oil is drying out a larger patch. I don't know. But I'll put more “antifungal” on before bed. I have it. May as well use it. If I put enough on, maybe it'll help get rid of something. I wish I knew what it is and where it came from. But I can't help but think it's nerves. And then too, I'm noticing the hair-loss! It's getting “ugly”. Thought of “clean buzzing” today, but it's going for Winter and even a little bit of something on the head... - OK... OFF TO BED! Tomorrow's supposed to be sunny, and the last of the “warmer” weather. - And the wind is still blasting out there. I'm thinking of Pearl. I hope she's found safe shelter for the night. Haven't heard from Deborah of late. But then again... We hear, we don't... I just hope that I don't hear “bad news”. Mostly for Pearl's sake. I need to figure how to make something for Pearl... a little “shelter” of some sort. “Nature” is against her... just as it was for Yonah. - Good night! I need to stop this typing and get to bed!
Tue.14.Dec: 7.15 Morning routine done.... Wanted to stay in bed. House stinks from cooking! I never did like nor could I stand a lingering stench of “cooking”. Of course, I do suppose it's better than the stench of being closed-up, or the rot of these old timbers and such. AND it's better than the stench of the washer-over-flow from next door. And speaking of which... I have to get to the LOO! Odd, that. haven't even gotten through first real coffee... - 7.39 MORNING CALL! I was on the carsie! But... WHAT A GLORY TO HEAR! WHAT-EVER THE TIME, WHAT-EVER THE CIRCUMSTANCES! THAT CALL JUST MAKES MY HEART DANCE! - 10.12 The “Dixie Blanket” is washed and on the line. There was just a touch too much poop on it for my comfort, this morning. There's supposed to be sun today... and it's FINALLY coming through the trees into Yonah's room! It'll never make it to the back of the house, of course, but that's not important. That it comes into Yonah's room is ALL that matters! We're in for a couple of months where it'll be scarce so... LET IT SHINE INTO YONAH'S ROOM! - And washing the one “blanket” is one thing less for next week. Tuesday-week is the 21st... TIME TO START THE PREPS FOR THE 31st! I really almost don't care about that this year, but, just in case there's any truth to that old superstition, this shit-box will be in order come mid-night! I don't want to see a year in in a state of apathetic “pissed-off”. Besides... YONAH! With ANY BLESSING WE WILL BE TOGETHER! And HIS house will be in order! - E-MAIL FROM DEBORAH THIS MORNING. SHE'S UPSET... NO SIGN OF PEARL THIS MORNING, AFTER LAST NIGHT'S MISERABLE WINDS! I've replied and invited her to stop by the house this morning, if she'd like. Offered some words of support, but I'm REALLY HOPING PEARL IS OK! Sure, she might have gone to the barn. But Deborah says part of a roof of one of them was blown off. Doves, and other birds, it's said, go for the pines in cold and wind and there are many of those on Deborah's place. Still. I can't help but think that, if Pearl had to “take to the air”... and Deborah has an owl there now too... The thought of Pearl being torn apart... it brings to mind that question on “Quora”: do birds feel pain when they're being eaten alive. And it's always in my heart and soul, thinking of the trauma that Yonah suffered. It makes me sick. And yes, I think of how, in this “allegedly perfect Creation of 'God's' that something must die so that something else lives”. Oh... “God”... what a fucking notion. Well, I'll have to hope for good news. The winds are gone, the sun is shining. Hopefully Pearl will appear, on some sun-drenched limb. “Hope”... for Pearl, for Yonah... “Hope”. - Speaking of Yonah... HE'S IN ANOTHER PLAY-WITH-ME DAY MOOD! FLYING ABOUT HIS ROOM, COO'ING, ON THE FUTON, HIS ROOF... IT'S GOING TO BE AN “INTERESTING” SORT OF DAY... And I don't MUST go to the skip today... I can always go on Thursday... but I should get to FamDoll at some point. - (FamDoll... and I'll be dipping into savings again... SHIT!) - I'm REALLY FED-THE-RIGHT-FUK-UP with this “masking” bull-shit. Twats is quite full of info on it. Seems MANY counties to the South are simply refusing to enforce... EVEN DUTCHESS! Essex? No word on that. I'll have to look, but mean-while, I'm “venting”... openly, on my disgust with this county. They claim to be “Conservative”. Oh, I look forward to “bumping into” Peter Demings and giving him an ear-full of shit! Fucking “RINO” as far as I'm concerned. All the bull-shit about being born here and serving in the military and... oh, just FUKKEMALL! - SAW A PLACE LISTED FOR RENT IN “BLACK RIVER” THIS MORNING. IT'S QUITE FAR WEST IN THE STATE, A BIT ON THE “FLAT” SIDE OF COURSE, BUT, IF IT'S MORE “CIVIL”... I looked into the demographics. Seems there are a lot of “Asians” out that way. How odd. I wonder. But, I'll look into it. The move will be quite an effort but... if I have to get a U-Haul... so be it. Thankfully there isn't all that much in this place and though more than a “van”... if it means better quality of life... I'm just torn about moving Yonah... not only away from his birth-place but the travel of moving and him having to adapt to NEW surroundings. THAT makes my heart burn white with rage! BUT... one thing I think of as well: When VT turned to be shit, I kept thinking that I had to give it time, and shouldn't jump to judgment. EIGHT FUKKING YEARS! I DON'T KNOW ABOUT GIVING THIS HOLE THAT MUCH BENEFIT OF ... Then again, if Yonah has 5 years, I've been here for almost 3 already as it is. And if Yonah has 5, he's been here for at least 1 already... And when he “goes”, I'll be gone with him. We shall see... and I'll keep looking. - 11.43 The sun is pouring in through Yonah's windows, the bird-songs and radio playing. I took a 10-minute snooze and YONAH CAME RUSHING OVER! OH YES... NO DOUBT... IT'S INTENTIONAL ON HIS PART. - Nothing in today's post. That's as good as “good news”. And I have to get busy back at Ev's birthday card. I have “images”, now to figure the “print”. And I'm re-considering today's trip to the skip... I might just “try” for FamDoll and have done with it. (I could use some ice cream too... I'm wondering if this “mandate” bull-shit will be rescinded... but I doubt it... the old qunt will more-likely double-down, as they call it. Spiteful shit!) - On with the day! As it rolls away... as they do... FUK! - 16.01Ev's card and the photos are printed! HOOVER-TIME! as the shit-sak next door starts with her “tapping and banging”... - I'm quit happy with the way Ev's card turned out. Now, I have to wait until I'm calm enough to actually write in it. But right now is NOT the time. - AND I SPOKE WITH EV... THOUGH BRIEFLY, AS SHE WAS WAITING FOR A CAB TO HER MD. SHE JUST RETURNED FROM CT... WHERE SHE PASSED THANKSGIVING! She sounded very tired but says she's OK. Asked me to ring her tonight... I said I would. So I will, even if for a moment. But it's a relief to hear that she's well. - Also rang Deborah... the machine picked-up. I'm a bit worried about her. I hope Pearl made an appearance and that all is well there. There were no birds here today, this morning's breakfast is still as it was, save the sun-flower seeds on the “garden feeder”. Poor things are probably still in a bit of shock from last night. But... I'll try again later. - And NOW... HOOVER-TIME! That thing next-door is truly blessed because if Yonah wasn't here... I'd plough the walls down! (And then some.) - ***** 16.23 ALL BLOODY-FUCKING DAY THAT FAT SLOB HAS BEEN DOING FUKKALL NOTHING... THE HOUSE HAS BEEN CALM AND QUIET. AND NOW, AS THE SUN BEGINS TO SET AND THE DAY BECOMES EVENING, THE SHIT DECIDES TO START HAMMERING! FUCKING TRASH! WHAT A FUCKING VIRAL PARASITE! LET'S SEE HOW LONG THIS SHIT GOES ON! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? YEAH, YONAH AND I HAVE TO GET THE ACTUAL FUCK THE FUCK OUT OF HERE! “THERE'S SOME PLACE OUT THERE”... QUIET AND CIVIL. IT'S OUT THERE. I JUST HAVE TO FIND IT! ***** Yeah, I'm at wits' end with this shit. But... Meal is on the hob and Yonah is on his roof. I think he does like that new bulb. So, I've done something else that's good. - And I'm TIRED! WOW! It's my eyes, really. Seeing what I was doing, especially cutting the photos (which turned out less than I'd hoped but THIS printer... I tried to print a sheet of 4 photos and it printed only one. Cheap shit... oh yes indeed. But I have to print a note/letter to Ev and it'll do that... I hope. I've not idea how much ink is in those new cartridges... I'll find out... no doubt. - 22.05 GOT TO CHAT WITH EVE THIS EVENING... 90 MINUTES AND WE LAUGHED! IT REALLY WAS QUITE A JOY... AND A RELIEF TO KNOW THAT SHE'S WELL. INDEED.- And so I'm going for that shower anyway because... shampoo... my scalp itches and I want this shit gone! - 24.24 Well that's a fuck! And I'm going to be sorry in about 6 hours... oh well...
Wed.15.Dec: 9.13 IT WAS A BIT OF HELL, GETTING OUT OF THE BED THIS MORNING AT ALMOST 6.45! I was still awake at 2.00 this morning, don't know when I actually fell asleep. The last thing I recall was the on-set of a leg contraction... left... foot, calf, knee... and as it started to arrive at the thigh, I was just TOO damned tired to get up and do anything about it and, the next thing I recall is laying in the bed and thinking “Yonah is going to be up any moment now!” and that's when I gave-in and got up. Good thing too... I'd no sooner dressed, served breakfast on the back gallery, had a half-smoke on the front porch and was JUST sitting at table to finish the last half of first coffee when... 7.15... the “morning call”. It was a touch difficult, getting morning routine done, and it was, for the most part, just about “mechanical”. But it got done, I've gotten my “morning internet” done and am now typing at the work table... and preparing to have a lie-down. And Yonah? Already on the pillows. So... off to a snooze... for... I'm not sure how long (but I'm sure Yonah will let me know when I've had enough sleep). - 12.26 WELL! THAT almost brought me back to where I'd “normally” be, fatigue-wise, for the day. It was supposed to be a “40-minute snooze” and it went on to be over an HOUR! AND YONAH STAYED WITH ME ALL THROUGH, AT MY HEAD! BY GODS, I LOVE THAT LITTLE GUY! And I'm trying to get my thoughts together as the morning is gone and the temperatures are down, but the hazy sun is shining. - Nothing in today's post but fucking Peter Demings was at the PO when I stepped-out to check. He said “Hello.” I said “Morning.” He said “MORNING? THE DAY'S ALREADY HALF OVER. Do you want one of these Boquet Valley School notices?” and I said, (sadly, mumbling because I'd only just woke and I wanted to spit, seeing the little eunuch) “I've no interest in Boquet and with any good luck I won't have much more to do with any of it. I'll be away from this little libfuck Hell-hole.” He muttered something and got into his truck and off he went. And so, that was this morning. - MEAN-WHILE, Yonah's flying about the room, spending time on the floor and being Yonah. And “life” in-side this shit-box is... “just another day”... for which I am thankful. - Now... back to getting Ev's “parcel together. There's time, but the sooner I get it to her, the better. Time passes and the yesterdays are mounting, the tomorrows are dwindling. -19.36 THE WIND HAS BEEN BLASTING AGAINST THE HOUSE TONIGHT AND I WAS SITTING IN YONAH'S ROOM, BLINDS AND CURTAINS CLOSED, AND SOMETHING WAS “BANGING” ABOUT AT THE WINDOWS! IT SOUNDED AS IF ONE OF THE SCREENS HAD COME OUT BUT I'M JUST IN FROM CHECKING AND THEY ALL APPEAR TO BE QUITE SOUND. I'VE NO IDEA WHAT IT COULD BE BUT YONAH IS TUCKED-IN FOR THE NIGHT AND I'M LEAVING THE DOOR TO HIS ROOM OPEN SO THAT I CAN HEAR WHAT'S GOING ON. IF THIS KEEPS UP, I'LL BE SLEEPING IN THERE TONIGHT... JUST IN CASE THAT BLOODY WALL GIVES. I HAVE NO TRUST AND NO FAITH IN THIS HOUSE ANY LONGER. BAD ENOUGH THE OLD SHIT NEXT DOOR BASHES ABOUT AT NIGHT, I DON'T NEED ANYTHING TO STARTLE YONAH IN THE DARK! HONESTLY, THE LONGER I LIVE THE MORE I UNDERSTAND WHY AND HOW SOME PEOPLE SIMPLY PICK UP A GUN AND FIRE AWAY! - But... on the BETTER side of today's news... I've finished Ev's card, trimmed the sketches to fit into it and typed 4 pages (on-sided) of a letter to enclose with. I cut-down a padded envelope from an Amazon order and made it into a proper-sized envelope, cut-down an “Express Mail” box to fit in as an insert, that way it can't be bent or folded. Artsy shit, that. Tomorrow, I'll print the letter, make a “mailing label” and it'll be ready to GO! (Her birthday is the 30th so there's plenty of time and I'll get it out to her early enough... considering the “reliability” of the USPS... NOT!) - So it's been a “productive” day, in spite of my lack of sleep last night which I WILL make up for tonight because I'm going to be IN the shower by 21.00 and right to bed directly there-after (unless the fucking shit-box blows apart in the wind, in which case... I'll be up for the next 6 months... beating the shit out of everybody who takes a breath in my vicinity). - Speaking of which, tomorrow's plan it to go to the skip... and stop at FamDoll for smokes... and to see what sort of shit they'll be dishing out when I walk in maskless. I'm already thinking that there's a trip to VT in the near future and I'm not at all happy about it. Also thinking that I'll just print out the definition of a “mandate”... there's a “legal” definition that includes, of the 3 criteriae, that ALL parties willingly accept and participate and it's already clear that THAT's NOT the case here. I'm thinking, little “calling cards” so that when the shit-show starts, I can just put one on the counter and have done with it. Hopefully, I'm just over-reacting prematurely. But we're about to see. - Anyway, that's the day and this is the night. I'm off to catch-up Yonah's Journal for the day. - Meal was filling this evening. There's a LOT of that “goulash” in each of those bowls. Quite filling! And nourishing too. - Oh... and I found a video today, on “vitamin D and this flu”. Seems the majority of people who've atually come down with the flu have also had deficiencies in the vitamin and I've been taking it daily for the past year or so. As I recall at the moment, the “Israeli doctor recommended dose” is 5x what I've been taking but, I also eat ice cream which should have some in it (which reminds me... a visit to market tomorrow as well... I need more ice cream... Oh, there's trouble in the future). I'll have to check into that. But... imagine me... being so fucking healthy! Hooduhthunkit? - So on that note... off to Yonah's journal... QI or something, a shower and to bed! (I FUCKING BLOODY-WELL HOPE!) - 19.53 HAVEN'T EVEN GOTTEN TO “SAVE” WHAT I HAVE HERE AND THE SHIT-SACK NEXT DOOR IS STARTING UP! EVERY FUCKING NIGHT! FUCKING TRASH, THAT ONE. BUT THEN AGAIN... TO BE EXPECTED... CONSIDERING ITS ORIGIN. - 20.21 BOTH Journals are on the servers! - 21.44 That's the end of that! Had a bit of ice cream. Watched a useless QI compilation and now? Shower and bed. And hoping for SLEEP! AND A CALM NIGHT! At least the wind's gone. - 22.22 (Cute)
As I was brushing my teeth, before getting into the shower... it was 21.50 when, for no reason it struck me:
HAZEL SHEDRICK: PARADE PUBLICATIONS: SUPERVISOR: I'd take a program that would run ALL night, and re-wrote it to where it would take a matter of about 3 hours. She DEMANDED that I never use it again because SHE'D written the one we were using! And when she found the box of cards, she threw the entire program away! Oddly enough, Joyce had warned me: “She's a woman, you're a man. She's a BLACK woman, you're a WHITE man. She'll make your life a living Hell.” Joyce was spot-on! And Parade was the first job I'd ever formally resigned from, handing-in my resignation at 5:00PM on the day of.
Years later...
CINDY SHEDRICK: USPS: PM: PULLS SIMILAR SHIT, LYING, WRITING ME UP FOR WORKING EARLY AND LATE, THINGS THAT I'D SAID BEFORE HIRE, SCREWING MY DRAWER-COUNTS AND THEN LYING ABOUT KEEPING MY JOB!
“SHEDRICK”! AND WHY DO I REMEMBER THAT TONIGHT?
I'm showered. I'm going to bed. Wish I could find a good book... to live in.
Thu.16.Dec: 7.04 Dressed. Table. Things done. Slept through with one loo-trip. Sitting here sick at gut, tight in the chest... because of the bull-shit-fuckerie I'm anticipating this after-noon at market and FamDoll. ANXIETY... because of the mental retardation of this state, these morons, dolts and idiots. It's all too much similar to the months in the Shelter: stripped of humanity, orders being barked, random rules and regulations, “sign the paper, sit over there, no, over here, come in, don't come in, get a job, come to this appointment, I'm having lunch, you didn't sign, you weren't there, you weren't here...”, don't fly that flag, don't say that, don't go there, don't put that there, I'm putting this here... don't be there then... this IS the Shelter... AND, with the “search and flood light” out-side the windows... it's a prison camp. It's time to get the fuck out of this shit-box... THERE'S A PLACE OUT THERE... “TIME”... THAT'S ALL... “TIME”. - Delightful way to begin a day. Fuck. - Got Ev's mailing label done though. Print the letter, print the label, sign the card, wrap and gone. - For now... waiting for the “morning call”... and SANITY and SERENITY... MY LITTLE HEART AND SOUL! -
***** 11.25 ***** COMPLETED THE “INTRO” TO “BIRD RESCUE” ***** !!! Oddly, the materials and points covered are, for the most part, already a part of Yonah's site! Looks like my own instincts and gut were spot-on! The only thing that still causes me any concern is the “medical attention” that I didn't provide... from a “qualified vet”. But now I'm REALLY looking forward to getting to the actual “101” course, if not an entire series o more education. Granted, it's in New Zealand, which will, probably, mean nothing to the dolts and idiots here, in this “USA”. But at least I'll have an “education” when it's done. (And, if I can, at all, I can use the education to get on with “local” at some point, as soon as I can afford it. Will it help with much of anything out-side the house and “family” support? No. But it WILL help me provide properly, for Yonah and his needs, as time moves on together for us. And, essentially, THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS TO ME!
***** POSTED EV'S BIRTHDAY CARD ***** Off it went, for about 5$. Now let's see when and in what condition, it arrives. (Tracking provided... not that that makes any difference.) One thing though: I forgot to change the “date” on the “lettre” I enclosed... it's dated the 20th... but then, MAYBE that's the date it'll arrive on? So... But it's out. I'll arrive before Ev's birthday, and that's fine too. At least she'll HAVE it ON the day.
12.42 It's been quite the non-stop morning, and MUCH accomplished! I even have a pillow case on the line (little “Yonah droppings” on it and it got to the point where a washing was certainly called-for... I don't mind at all, really, I KNOW what's in them... I KNOW what he eats and his health so...) and the trash is ready to go to the skip! NOW... all I need deal with is the ignorance of the dolts in the stores! I SO DREAD even the thought of stepping out the door of this shit-box these days. And the complete lunatic “followers”, subjecting themselves, willingly and ignorantly to the abuse. I just worry, a bit, about being verbally attacked, not that it makes any sort of difference in my own existence... then too, there are the dolts and idiots of the “law enforcement” who believe this bull-shit to be “law” when, in fat, it isn't. Oh... the general inconvenience of mental illness and retardation. That's really all it is. - But... the doors are open, today, front and back, and the heats are off (save Yonah's because I don't want the temperature in his room to drop too low - 19,4 °now so... doors will be closed in shortest order, if it's having that sort of effect on HIS comfort). Nice day... all told. - 20.51.... ERRANDS HAVE BEEN RUN! GOT OUT AND BACK! EVEN THE GARBAGE IS GONE, THOUGH IT WAS 2 BAGS... AND ONE STICKER. - GOT THE SMOKES AT FAM DOLL... NO MASK... THERE WAS A DELIVERY GUY THERE, STANDING AT THE FRONT DOOR, CHATTING WITH CASEY, AS I WALKED IN... UN-MASKED! SO I TRIED MY OWN GOOD LUCK AND JUST WALKED IN. SADLY, CASEY AND THE YOUNG GAL AT THE CASHE WERE MASKED, BUT NOT A BLIP WAS SAID! (I suppose Casey doesn't really give a shit and the gal is “new” so she probably is too focused on her learning. But I was relieved, got my smokes, we chatted and joked and I was on my way to... THE SKIP WHERE i HAD 2 BAGS... PLACED ONE STICKER ON THE LARGER BAG AND TOSSED THEM BOTH. NOT A WORD. I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S NOTICED (THERE'S A GUY STANDING RIGHT THERE) OR IF THEY SIMPLY DON'T CARE. BUT AT LEAST I'M CONTRIBUTING SOMETHING AND IT'S NOT SOME 40-80$ TO A CONGLOMERATE. AND THE “COMPACTOR” WAS RUNNING AS I THREW THE BAGS IN... I'VE WONDERED IF ANYBODY GOES THROUGH ALL OF IT, FOR RECYCLING AND THE SORT... APPARENTLY NOT. IT ALL GETS MASHED TOGETHER. AND I'M TO UNDERSTAND, “BURIED” OR, AT LEAST, TOSSED INTO A “LAND-FILL”. SO? SO MUCH FOR “RECYCLING”. FUKKEMALL ANYWAY, REALLY. BY THE TIME IT MAKES ANY DIFFERENCE, IT WON'T MAKE ANY TO MY “REMAINS”. - NEXT.... STOPPED AT THE MARKET, THREW A SMALL “MASK” OVER MY CHIN AND *STORMED* (AND I DO MEAN “STORMED”) THROUGH! GOT MORE CHICK PEAS, BLACK BEANS, ICE CREAM AND VEGGIES, JUICE, TARTS AND WAS THROUGH THE CHECK-OUT AND OUT THE DOOR! THERE TOO, I'M WONDERING: DO THEY NOT GIVE A SHIT AND ARE JUST TRYING TO AVOID IGNORANT AND INSANE CONFRONTATION? I'LL BE THE POOR FOLKS AT THE CASHE ARE SUBJECTED TO A LOT OF ABUSE FROM THE DOLTS SO I CAN'T HOLD THEM ACCOUNTABLE. AFTER ALL, I PUT THE DAMNED MASK ON FOR THE VERY SAME REASON: NO SENSE INVITING INSANITY TO THE TABLE. - ANYWAY... I LITERALLY RUSHED BACK TO THE SHIT-HOLE AND... 45 MINUTES! THE ENTIRE ORDEAL WAS DONE. NOT BAD! AND HAD I NOT GONE TO THE SKIP, UNDER 30 MINUTES. GOOD TO KNOW. THE LESS TIME I SPEND “OUT THERE” THE BETTER. (BESIDES, I MISS YONAH TERRIBLY WHEN I'M AWAY. IF I COULD FIGURE A WAY, I'D JUST SIT WITH HIM AND “ORDER-IN”. BUT IT'S THE “DAIRY”. OH... “LIFE” AND IT'S INCONVENIENCES IN A “PERFECT” CREATION... FUCK. - After all was done, I stepped out to the front porch for a smoke and Dan was out, walking Kira. He stopped by and we chatted for a while, in the 17° warmth of the day. He tells that the Mass-hole introduced itself on it's last visit. Dan was out blowing the leaves off his yard at the time. Mass-hole asked when he (Dan) had moved in and the Mass-hole replied “I've never seen you before.” as if that's of any importance to Dan. And, of course, Dan had to hear about the wonderful contributions the Mass-hole has made to New Russia, always with the “claims to fame”... fucking psychotic moron. (Good think Dan's been to this shit-box and knows better.) But THEN Dan tells me that the Mass-hole suggested that Dan blow the leaves from his yard up against the garage here! Dan said “I thought... 'What the fuck? Why would I do that? So Jude has to deal with them.?'” Ah... I truly wouldn't put it past the Mass-hole to say such fuckerie. So I told Dan of the “changes” in the Mass-hole and the events around the stove. Mean-while, all I say (which I thought but didn't say, at the time): The shit-sack gets his rent and as long as he doesn't fuck with me, all will simply go on as it has done... until I get the fuck out of here (SOON... PLEASE... OH PLEASE!!!) - Then, I HAD to ask if Dan refers to Mike as his “wife” and he looked rather annoyed and said “No. Never. My 'partner'.” So I explained why I'd asked and Dan tells me that the thing next-door introduced her-self to him and he knew something wasn't right: “all the tattoos and a tit hanging out”. OKIE-DOKIE then... looks like the Mass-hole's just keeping with the “style and fashion” of the house... She's a fucking doo-lolly douche... and I'd come to expect. AND... as Dan and I chatted, Mayor McFuknut came over and I politely ignored him. (I wonder if he's getting t he hint, though I doubt it.) And HE mentioned an attempted break-in locally, down the main, some-where so I'm seeing it as cause to be aware and more careful about locking this place up. AND, I wonder... Ms. Trash moves in and this? I didn't ever really trust her and now I think... she's the NEW GERALDINE! Anyway... chat done, Dan said “Come down any time. Ring the bell. Come for coffee.” Truth is, I sooner trust him out of the lot. One item of concern to me: he's been “jabbed and even goes for the “boosters” so... I'm never “sure” about those folks. I wonder how it is that he's fallen for the bull-shit. None of my business, really, but... good to know and be aware. - The REALLY NICE PART OF THE DAY... I HAD THE DOORS OPEN! AIR IN THE HOUSE! A NICE CHANGE AND A GOOD “EXCHANGE” OF THE STALE AIR IN THE HOUSE. Sadly, not to last long. - AND I HAVE TO SAY, AGAIN... THAT I'M SO THRILLED ABOUT HAVING TAKEN THAT “INTRO”... I CAN'T WAIT, NOW, TO GET THE “101” COURSE! - “Meal” tonight, was quick, again. After tomorrow's, I'll have to cook again... don't know what... probably chicken again. But Sunday's “low” is expected to be -15° so it'll be a good time for baking and cooking and the likes. - YONAH WAS MY ABSOLUTE *HEAVEN* AGAIN ALL DAY! SNOOZING WITH ME AND AS I WENT ABOUT TRYING TO SORT THROUGH ALL OF MY PAPER-WORKS, HE WAS *SO* INTRIGUED. THOSE ACCOUNTS OF DOVES TAKING “ACTIVE INTEREST” IN THE GOINGS-ON ARE PROVING SO TRUE! HONESTLY, WERE IT NOT FOR HIM, I'D BE “OUT OF ALL OF THIS”. THERE'S REALLY NOTHING AT ALL WORTH THE NEXT BREATH... EXCEPT HIM. I'M NOT COMPLAINING NOR BEMOANING. JUST STATING A PLAIN, SIMPLE, INCONTROVERTIBLE FACT. I'M SO DEEPLY BLESSED WITH AND BY HIM BEING MY DAYS, MY EXISTENCE... HE'S MY “LIFE”, IN THE MOST LITERAL SENSE. So sad that, these days are so short, and our time together is cut. He was tucked-in at 7.40 already this evening. BUT... HE'S SAFE AND SOUND AND WARM AND PROTECTED AND LOVED, CHERISHED... AND YES... ADORED! And we had a WONDERFUL day together... just the two of us. “Life”... my Little Guy! 21.02 As usual, I'm TIRED! Time for ice cream and tele and off to bed! But at least the house is warm tonight and that's so nice. Tomorrow? It will take care of itself when it arrives. (I'm taking notes again tonight... will have to do more “catch-up”... just more to “fill in”. But then, it gives some-thing more to ensure something to pass the day, and when I do, it's in Yonah's room and we get the time... TOGETHER! AND THERE'S NOTHING “WRONG” WITH OR ABOUT THAT! I want to be IN BED by 22.30! Let's see how that comes about. - OH... the Amazon food order shipped today! Here comes the olive oil and... 24 TINS OF BLACK-EYE PEAS! WOOHOO! (I STILL have NO idea where I'm going to store them all. But I still have a whole bag of rice here so I'll be cooking as the weather chills. - 22.30 OFF we go! Imagine that! Looks like I'll make my “goal”. - 22.41 Stepped-out for a smoke and IT'S BLOODY WARM! THERE'S A WIND BLOWING, SOUTHERLY, AND EVEN THAT'S COMFORTABLE! THE THERMOMETER ON THE PORCH READS 62F THE MÉTÉO CLAIMS IT'S 15° BUT IT'S A PERFECT NIGHT FOR SLEEPING-OUT! 15° TONIGHT, AT THIS HOUR... AND SUNDAY'S LOW IS TO BE MINUS 15°! BUT THIS IS JUST REALLY UN-NATURAL! AND TO THINK, I HAVE THE THERMOSTAT IN THE HOUSE SET AT THE TEMPERATURE IT IS OUT THERE, YET, OUT THERE, IT'S “WARM”... BUT IN THE HOUSE, THE SAME TEMPERATURE FEELS “CHILLY”. ANYWAY... WTAF IS GOING ON? 16 DECEMBER, 22.41 AT NIGHT... WARM? (But I'll bet January and February... and even March and April will MORE than compensate for this and THAT'S when it'll he HELLISH.) - 23.07 THE WIND IS HAMMERING THE HOUSE SO STRONG THAT EVEN THE KITCHEN WALL JUST CREAKED... THE INNER WALL! THERE'S A
“WIND ADVISORY” FROM 19.00 TONIGHT UNTIL 10.00 TOMORROW... STRONGEST WINDS TO HIT BETWEEN 21.00 TONIGHT TO 5.00 TOMORROW... WELL? HERE WE GO AGAIN... IT'S CALMED AT THE MOMENT, BUT THE WORST IS EXPECTED AT ABOUT 4.00... AN ALARM TO BE SET. I'LL MAKE SURE TO CHECK TO MAKE SURE THE WALLS ARE INTACT AND THE ELECTRIC IS STILL UP AND RUNNING... IF NO-WHERE ELSE IN THE PLACE... YONAH'S ROOM. For now... running “late” yet again... off to a nap. I'm glad that I'm still awake though, to know what's expected to come through the night. Better to be aware and prepared... in this insanity.
Fri.17.Dec: 20.28 (on Sat.18.Dec:13.14 “fill-in”) Jotted more “notes” again for the entire day... at the “end of the day” but... THE POWER WENT OUT LAST NIGHT/THIS MORNING! I DID WAKE WITH THE 4.00 ALARM, OPENED MY EYES, THE WINDS SEEMED STILL, THAT BLOODY STREET-LIGHT WAS LEECHING INTO THE BED-ROOM AND LIVING ROOM, ALL APPEARED TO BE INTACT SO I DOZED BACK OFF TO WAIT FOR THE 6.00 ALARM... BUT... I HAD A HORRID, DISTURBING NIGHT-MARE:
I DON'T REMEMBER HOW IT STARTED... I WAS IN A HOUSE, WITH SEVERAL OTHER PEOPLE WHOM I DIDN'T KNOW BUT WE WERE ALL “RESIDENTS” OF THE PLACE. SOME SORT OF DISASTER HAD OCCURRED, AND I DON'T RECALL WHAT THAT WAS EITHER, BUT WE HAD TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE AND I WAS LOOKING FOR YONAH! HE WASN'T IN HIS HOUSE, AND I COULDN'T SEE HIM ANY-WHERE !!! I JUST KEPT REPEATING, IN A PANIC “WHERE'S YONAH ‽‽‽ *WHERE* IS YONAH ‽‽‽ WHERE *IS* YONAH ‽‽‽ *WHERE* IS YONAH ‽‽‽ WHERE IS *YONAH* ‽‽‽” I WAS FRANTIC, HORRIFIED! TORN APART INSIDE ! AND I WOKE AT WHAT WAS PROBABLY JUST BEFORE 5.00, OPENED MY EYES AND THOUGHT “THAT'S NICE... IT'S DARK IN THE HOUSE, THE WAY IT SHOULD BE” AND ALMOST IMMEDIATELY REALISED... NO LIGHTS! THE BLOODY ELECTRIC WAS GONE! YONAH! THE HEATER! HOW LONG HAS THE HEAT BEEN OFF IN HIS ROOM‽ AND I JUMPED UP AND OUT OF THE BED! I CHECKED HIS ROOM... IT WAS STILL WARM, SO I GOT BUSY GATHERING TEA-LIGHTS... FOR THE TERRACOTTA HEATER AND... JUST KEPT GOING... GATHERING EVERY CANDLE-HOLDER IN THE HOUSE AND EVEN LIGHTING THE VOTIVES I HAVEN'T USED IN OVER A YEAR! EVERY AND ANYTHING THAT WOULD PROVIDE EVEN SOME WARMTH. I DIDN'T WANT TO RISK THE HOUSE GETTING A CHILL THIS MORNING! BY THE TIME I'D DONE, THE PLACE LOOKED LIKE A SCENE FROM THE OLD MOVIE “CARRIE”... OR SOME SORT OF CATHEDRAL, WITH ALL THE “VOTIVES” LIT! AND WHEN THAT WAS DONE, I WENT TO MAKE A MORNING COFFEE... REMEMBERING THE JAR OF INSTANT IN THE FREEZER. POURED A BEAKER OF HOT TAP WATER, 3 TEA-SPOONS OF INSTANT AND HAD MY MORNING PILLS... NOT KNOWING THEN THAT THAT WAS THE LAST OF THE WATER. AND THE CLOCK ON THE OVEN READ 4.52. THE ELECTRIC HAD BEEN OUT FOR WELL OVER AN HOUR BY THE TIME I'D DONE WITH THE “HEATING AND LIGHTING” OF TEA-LIGHTS. AH... THE PANIC... BUT BETWEEN THE NIGHT-MARE AND THE WORRY ABOUT THE HOUSE GETTING COLD... HEY! MY LITTLE GUY! I HAD TO KEEP THE PLACE WARM FOR HIM! It was about 8.00 when I went into his room to check on him and make sure the room was warm and he was OK. Sadly, no “morning routine” this morning. There was no water and no electric for his fountain. But I got the windows open for the morning light and to wait for the sun to finally rise over the trees. Thankfully, it was a clear day and I hoped the sun would bring warmth into his room. The temperature in the room had already dropped to 19°! Yonah was OK, but I was worried about it getting any cooler and was pre-occupied with how to heat his room during the day. But, we were OK... the walls and windows were all intact and it wasn't freezing! - The post office opened... and I'd just stepped out for a smoke when Robin arrived and commented “There's no lights.” Apparently, Mineville and Westport and Liztoon were fine. This shit-show was “New Russia” (figures). So me, I just went on and about what-ever I could do with-out electric. And again, thankfully, the sun was rising into a clear sky so there was plenty of light and the potential for some warmth. - OK... from 10-11.00, having nothing really pressing and I didn't want to use the computer on the old battery, I had a lie-down... AND YONAH? WHEN I WOKE... AFTER AN HOUR... HE WAS ON MY HIP, ALL COMFY! HE'S SNOOZING WITH ME NOW... LIKE MY LITTLE GUARD! AND HE DID THE SAME, TWICE AGAIN, DURING THE DAY! MY LITTLE “GUARDIAN ANGEL”, THAT LITTLE GUY. SERIOUSLY, THIS ISN'T JUST SOME KIND OF “BONDING”... HE'S ACCEPTED ME AS HIS “COMPANION”, WATCHES AND KNOWS WHEN I LIE DOWN FOR A SNOOZE, AND COMES OVER, OF HIS OWN, TO BE WITH AND STAY WITH ME! (Oh, how I'd delight in throat-punching these idiots who make so little of the BRILLIANCE of these Little Ones! They deserve to suffer because of their stupidity, ignorance and arrogance! And as for those who MURDER, calling it “sport” and “fun”? Well... I daren't document my true feelings. Suffice to say, I am BLESSED, HONOURED, PRIVILEGED AND SO DEEPLY GRATEFUL! - OK then... as the day progressed and I ran out of things... following my THIRD “nap”, I woke and, after staring at the work table for a moment or so, I decided... there's no electric coming into the shit-box, so I can cut the “main” for ALL power in the place, and although I have NO faith or trust in the “Cadillac” wiring... I don't want to “improve” anything more in this place but, the new outlet will make MY life easier, and I'll feel more secure with a new one, there's no telling WHAT kind of shit is in that wall now, and though I haven't done such work in a long while, and even then, it was in plaster and cinder-block walls... I'm going to change the outlet today whilst the sun shines! And so... I REPLACED THE OUTLET TODAY! It wasn't as straight-forward or easy as I'd hoped and though it ought to be, but it wasn't at all “difficult”. *** BUT OF COURSE... NO BLOODY GROUNDING WIRE! THIS SHIT-SACK OF A MASS-HOLE, Mr. ALDEN HARRIS (yes, I'm naming names now because I've had my fill of being abused and taken for a moron) CONTINUES TO PROVE WHAT AN ACTUAL SHIT-SACK HE TRULY IS AND JUST HOW STUPID HE TAKES ME FOR. SO MUCH FOR HIS “CADILLAC” OF WIRING. HE'S SUCH A BLOODY LIAR. The wiring is no better than the wiring I did in PARKCHESTER. Sure, I did the “best” I had available to me, but WHAT A CHRONIC IDIOT that moron-shit is. Anyway... it was plain, simple and nothing that required any “special intelligence” and with-in moments, it was done. The CUTEST BIT: YONAH WAS ON THE FLOOR AS I WORKED... WATCHING AND SUPERVISING! Well... after all... it IS ***HIS*** ROOM! Now, I'll be checking to make sure the damned thing doesn't “heat” at all. I see no reason why it ought to. I don't like that there's no “grounding” but, the truth of the matter is, that the only thing drawing on it is the radiator. The other is the surge-protected strips and those don't really have much drawing there either. The desk radio and lamp, the pump for Yonah's pool and his FullSpec light. And none of those are on for more than some hours during the day. Still, I'm planning on being on Yonah's futon tonight... I NEED to be IN the room and not “next-door”. Not that I don't trust my work, after all, the electrician in Parkchester said “I didn't do that work. It's too professional for my work.” (AND... to the best of my knowledge, that flat never went up in flames... even though... somebody would have deserved it.) - OK... so, there it is, done. (I wonder if I should leave it when I leave here, making it obvious that I did the work or take it with... What-ever. We'll see how I feel at the time. And let shit-sack-Mass-hole deal with it.) - And so the day passed... and nobody came round. I'm thankful for that. Although, at the same time, it's of note that nobody came round to “check”. Mayor McFuknut had the generator running all day and is only right there but doesn't think to come by just to say “Are you OK in here?” Telling... VERY telling. One thing I'm TRULY THANKFUL for is that that thing next door didn't come over for anything. - And there was NOTHING in today's post. Not that I'm expecting anything, except the next electric bill which I'm surprised hasn't arrived as yet... especially on a day when there is no electric. - Came this evening... and the sun was setting already at 15.05 and STILL NO POWER! I didn't much care, generally, but YONAH... AND TONIGHT'S WARMTH! I was looking at a night up, at least every 4 hours, to re-light tea-lights, and moving the terracotta warmer into his room. I was planning on being in there anyway, even with power, but this would cinch the deal. We'd be together, with the terracotta heater and in one room. But I decided: Dan always seems to be up on these things... I'll take a stroll down and inquire, if he's even in. He has relatives locally and I expected him to be there. But... I headed down across the back yards... and just as I got to his yard I saw DOWNED WIRES! And thankfully, he was at home. THE FUNNIEST BIT... THE VERY MOMENT I STEPPED IN THE DOOR... THE POWER CAME BACK UP! THE *VERY* MOMENT!!! “Timing”... it's every-thing! So we chatted... and I see that he has a wood-stove in the kitchen... larger than Ms. Lady of Franklin's. HIS is both decorative AND functional and his house was so warm! AND HE TOLD ME THAT IF THIS EVER HAPPENS AGAIN, WHERE I'VE NO POWER AND NO HEAT, I SHOULD JUST BRING YONAH AND COME DOWN! WHAT A RELIEF! AND I'VE NO REASON TO BELIEVE THAT HE ISN'T SINCERE. So we chatted a bit, he showed me a special sort of light bulb that “charges” as it's being used, and in the event of a power outage, it can be used for a few hours! Hooduhthunk it? (He's just LOADED with all sorts of interesting things in that house. He says Mike bought all of the gadgets. He even has the “under-cabinet” lights that I've wanted... but won't get now, not in this shit-box!) Anyway, the cables in his yard came down when an old tree was brought down in last night's wind-storm! It's not the power and it hasn't cut his cable service but.... there they are, on the ground. I noticed old glass insulators on his house and mentioned that I remember when they were the only insulators and when they started being replaced. He had 4 chipped ones in his shed and gave me TWO! Imagine that! And again, he said “Come down any time.” I wonder if he's really that “alone” down there or is it because of missing Mike. I might “visit” but... well, to be honest, there's Yonah, and I do NOT like being away from him... even if it is just across the yard. - SO... when I got back into the shit-box at 16.30, it was warm. I'd turned the thermostat up to 70F before leaving. Actually, I wanted it on to run the furnace to warm the place up immediately when the power came back. Yonah was quite happy and content. I turned his lights on, and his FullSpec, but not the fountain because I wanted to change the water before running it and I started to prepare the rest of the goulash for me. Ah...
***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
***** BUT ***** the ***** BEST ***** “event” of the day was when the power was restored this evening, just before sun-set.
I'd turned his “FullSpec” light on, to give him a brighter environment, which I do of an evening, and went about preparing my evening meal and catching-up with other little duties that required the power we didn't have during the day. AND AS I WAS PREPARING THE MEAL, I HAPPENED TO GLANCE INTO YONAH'S ROOM TO FIND HIM... IN HIS POOL! HE WAS BATHING! It was almost 17.00, and out-side, the sun had set, the sky was darkening AND YONAH WAS BATHING! (I'm grateful that the water in his pool was still clean... and, because it had been put in there last night, it was warm... room temperature at the very least, so it was a nice warm bath.) When he saw me looking in, he gave a splash and hopped out, came to his door, hopped up on this door perch and gave a little ruffle and stood there appearing SO REFRESHED! It's what I call “Cuteness Over-Load”! And he gave a “Come on over!” wing-snap. So when I got to him, he was SO affectionate, so full of spirit. He was delighted! TO TELL THE TRUTH, THAT LIGHT BULB SEEMS TO HAVE MADE QUITE A DIFFERENCE IN HIS GENERAL MOOD. I DON'T PARTICULARLY LIKE IT, BEING TOO “BLUE” BUT, TODAY WAS QUITE TELLING AND SO... I'M GLAD I HAVE IT... AND A SPARE!
***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
Anyway, I had half of the goulash because, for some reason, I really wasn't hungry this evening. Plan was to have dessert when finished with “notes” on this Journal AND GETTING YONAH'S HOUSE IN ORDER. AND STILL PLANNING ON A NIGHT ON HIS FUTON SO NO “LATE NIGHT” TONIGHT! - I'm REALLY exhausted tonight. Most of it is because of worrying about Yonah all day during the day. Hey! NO COMPLAINTS! Just mentioning it. - Another note of the day: Today... TODAY... as I stood on the front porch having a smoke, I ACTUALLY DIDN'T KNOW, FOR CERTAIN, WHAT DAY OF THE WEEK IT WAS! WELL SHIT! HOPEFULLY IT WAS JUST THE STRESS OF THE DAY, BUT I DON'T LIKE THIS! I JUST DON'T! - OH... *** DEBORAH SENT A MESSAGE DURING THE DAY... THEY HAVE “A NEW GENERATOR” AND YONAH AD I ARE WELCOME THERE TOO! TWO PLACES WHERE YONAH CAN BE SAFE FROM THE COLD... SHOULD WE NEED! I'M FEELING SO MUCH BETTER NOW! TRULY! WE HAVE REFUGE! - And now... I MIGHT shower before bed tonight... and “bed” will be Yonah's futon (which needs a wash too, but...). I don't want to be late getting in there either. I don't want to disturb his sleep. He's had an “odd” day and I'm sure he sensed my stress during it all. I need to wrap this day up in short course. And I'll catch-up with all the “notes” tomorrow. It's Saturday, there's snow in the forecast for the duration, and it'll keep me in Yonah's room... WE'LL BE TOGETHER... THROUGH THE DAY... THE SNOW... AND HOPEFULLY, WE'LL HAVE LIGHT, HEAT, ELECTRIC. It's supposed to drop to -7° tonight, and tomorrow's “high”... -5°. Total expected snow-fall... 15cm!Sunday's -15° is still in the forecast. But as long as the electric holds, there's oil for the furnace... we'll be OK.
*** OH *** ONE THING I NOTICED WHEN I LOOKED AT THE BREAKER BOX TODAY... *** THERE'S A BREAKER FOR ***”BASEMENT HEATER”*** !!! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? I'M PAYING FOR A HEATER THAT I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER? FOR WHAT? MASS-HOLE'S CONVENIENCE? I'M PAYING THE POST-OFFICE HOT WATER AND NOW SOME REMOTE HEATER FOR A DIRT CELLAR? OH... C'MON WITH THE RENT INCREASE... I'M PLANNING ON BEING OUT OF HERE ANYWAY, BUT I'LL PULL HIS SHIT RIGHT THROUGH HIS ARSE AND INTO ANY COURT I CAN GET INTO! FUCKING DECEITFUL SHIT!
22.56 I'm LATE! MUCH LATER THAN I'D WANTED TO BE! IF NOT FOR THE NEW OUTLET, I WOULDN'T GO INTO YONAH'S ROOM NOW... BUT, I WON'T SLEEP REALLY, IN MY OWN BED TONIGHT, NOT WITH THE NEW OUTLET. SO... Off we go. Let's hope for NO coughing, NO contractions, NO loo-trips, NO disturbing Yonah! - BUT WHAT A DAY! AND WE MADE IT THROUGH! WE DID IT! YONAH AND I... TOGETHER!
Sat.18.Dec: 9.45 Slept the night with YONAH last night. Primarily, I wanted to be IN the room, after having replaced that outlet/receptacle, to make SURE that it doesn't heat. And didn't hear any of this morning's alarms... Woke at almost 8.00 this morning, and, well, NOTHING is more BEAUTIFUL than opening my eyes and seeing him, on his perch, all comfy-cozy. I did, sadly, have one “cough” that I recall, and TWO “contraction” episodes that I refused to get up for. But other-wise, slept through the night. And this morning, thanks to the “normalcy” of the electric, got the “normal morning routine” done, straight away. And now, under the grey skies, and the “promise” or “threat” of a day of snow, we're here, together, me at the work table, Yonah in his little corner by the white pine, and our day is on the roll. And his “NatSpec” is on, the fountain is splashing and I need to get caught-up with a couple of days of this Journal... - One “note du jour” here though: today, I give thought to the blitherings of the locals of late. Between the lunatic next door and the other bits of shits in more recent chats, I have to wonder. That one, next door, lying about Dan's reference to Mike, and the “follow-up” comment about some “stranger-woman” coming to denigrate “renters”... in particular, and the comments made about the Mass-hole, I have to wonder, seriously... I've come to learn that “VTers”, particularly, delight in causing dissension at every possible opportunity. It's their “amusement” and “entertainment”, sadly, so I see no reason why that one isn't making determined efforts at causing friction between the Mass-hole and I. Perhaps hoping to get me out so to be replaced by another of the “ilk”? And Mass-hole, being the proven Mass-hole that it is, I've no doubt it isn't trying to get me out so to replace me with one of the “New England ilk”... Then too, the recent injections of actual toxins, under the guise of some sort of “vaccination” against a “virus” that's nothing more nor less than a common ailment, and that those who've subjected themselves are obviously displaying signs and symptoms of toxicities, “talkin' shit”, as it were, under the direction of a mad-man who murdered orphans during the “AIDS” years, and more recently, is the perpetrator of torturing and murdering beagles under a guise of “experimentation”... well, in the “old days”, this so-called “doctor” and his followers would have been incarcerated in “institutions” but, well, I remember the “Wingdale” stories of opening the doors and tossing the worst there onto the MetroNorth trains and sending them off to GCT. Surely, it might be considered “psychotic” of me, but then, I'll just refer to the 1930s and the rise of the Nazis who behaved similarly, if not identically, and how the feeble-of-mind followed the every directive meted, where-by businesses and people were brutally destroyed. And it causes me to question the claims of Dan who says that the Mass-hole suggested he blow leaves up against the garage, for, as Dan pointed-out, me to have to deal with. (Although, since the Mass-hole is stuffed with the aforementioned chemicals, and his odd and irate behaviour as he ripped the stove apart and then left it as was, pieces laying there and walking out, I'm more apt to believe that he DID, in fact, suggest the disrespect.) Oh well... I've resolved to keeping “Life” in-side these walls and doors. Yonah and I... and the rest of the world can go to its well-deserved Hell. As long as they don't try to intrude here... all will be well. (And no, I don't believe this is any sort of “paranoia”. There's too much supporting evidence.) - Nice way to begin a day. - Anyway... off to the day... and catch-up. Best to “document”. (I wonder if anybody reads any of this. “LOL”, as they say. I doubt it, but here it is.) - 11.10 Well... went for the day's post... sadly, I was correct with my intuitions and calculations of bills. The electric is over 200$, the FS have been decreased (though only but about 6$). Now... I'm just waiting for the rent increase. Anyway... there's nothing to be done about any of it so... on with the day. Yonah is being provided for and that's all that matters to me. (I really ought to look into that place in Rouses Point... If I can figure how to put the gas into a “budget” I'll have to go look to see what this little “compound of rentals” looks like. It's in a nice area, but, that doesn't mean it's “appropriate”. Wall-bangers, party-throwers... and, well... it's in a “liberal county”. But then again, this allegedly “conservative county” is nothing but liars. So? So... The world can't be trusted. I'm moving on with the day now. - 11.40 and about 20 minutes ago, the day's “snow” began to fall. It's light, but we'll see the accumulation... Hey, if nothing else, it might help to deter potential “visitations”... especially “interstate” (Mass-holes, and the likes). - 12.59 and Ms. Shit-sack is making another wash. Had to get up to plug the loo basin. That's the next “project”: repairing THAT so her shit-water stops splashing all over my walls and floors. Fucking waste, this shit-box-Hell-hole. - And I'm still catching-up with Thursday of this week! I'm so fatigued at the end of a day. But Yonah's Journal is to-date and that really is the most important. - And the snow is falling and turning the world white out there. - And it's chilly, to me, in the house, though it's 21,5° in Yonah's room and I'm still “chilled”. I wonder what THAT'S all about these days. Hhmmm... - 14.48 THE AMAZON ORDER ARRIVED! Olive oil, tahinni, “heavy cream dehydrate” (I wonder what it's like... tomorrow's coffee?), and... 24 tins of black-eye peas! And they're not as “bulky” as I'd expected. But... CHEERS, HOORAYS, AND THANKS TO UPS! I was sitting at the work table when I saw him pass and just looked and THERE IT WAS! SO... there's the “anticipation” done. - And the Yonah's room is nice and toasty. - Got an e-mail from Deborah saying that, should we need, we're welcome to come to their place. I don't much care about me, but it's a GREAT COMFORT to know that Yonah will never have to worry about the events in this shit-box! TWO PLACE OF REFUGE! WE ARE SO BLESSED! - Now... back to catch-up whilst we may. - And Yonah is on his roof, under the lamp. Radio and bird-songs playing. We're “safe”... may the power continue to hold! - 16.01 The snow is still falling. 23° in Yonah's room. He's “basking” on his roof-top... birds and radio playing... the house is still... and I'M ONLY JUST FINISHING THE CATCH-UP! Thursday through now. ALL DAY! I can't believe it! And it's not that I type slowly, nor have I really “snoozed” nor “dozed” save 45 minutes this morning from about 10.00 until 10.45. And I can't accept... it's getting dark already! BUT... 3 more days and... the REVERSE... and our days will lengthen again... just in time to see nothing but cold and grey. Ah... “Winter”. I didn't used to mind it but... cold, and Yonah... - Time, already, to prep for “meal”... Gee... I have black-eye peas... but there's half the goulash in there too that ought to be eaten. There's gonna be cooking tomorrow... AND MONDAY... after a night of -15°, if that holds. - 20.08 Yonah is tucked-in. His Journal for today is ready, coded and waiting to be up-loaded. I've had my “night pills”. (The slob next door has already begun to “stir”, banging on the kitchen wall and pissing me off for the night.) The day is done! 3 more days of this “early darkness” and we being to stretch the days again! And the snows continue to fall out-side. They're due to stop in a couple of hours. There really wasn't all that much all day, but I'm glad I've no cause to leave the house tomorrow. (Monday I will, but for now... that's Monday and this isn't... nor is tomorrow.) - Tomorrow... bread needs to be made, perhaps some dumplings again... there are eggs to be cooked. And dinners to be prepared... the oven! It's either tomorrow or Monday... but I'll get started tomorrow... warm the house in preparation for the cold on Sunday night. - Meanwhile, the lights are still on. The food order from Amazon is in. - Today's post brought the confirmation of the new SocSec beginning January and a 9$ decrease in the FS. As I say... I see “bad news” coming, but we'll deal with it when and as it arrives. - (There's a perfectly delightful place out there ... THERE IS! And I keep thinking how terrible it is that the place in Roosa Gap is now so “populated”. THAT would have been a PERFECT place for Yonah and I... There HAS to be a place like that here. There just HAS to be! A little “cottage” or “cabin”, “carriage house”... something of the sort, in a civil, quiet surroundings. There IS... it's just a matter of time now...) - But for now, there'll be nobody here tomorrow... and I've got a few things (like Yonah's photos and such) to keep me occupied as well as the cooking. - I'm thinking a shower soon and into bed at a “civil” hour (let's see if THAT'S to be permitted)... and into “bed” tonight... no disturbing Yonah. But for now... posting Yonah's and this Journal to the servers. I almost can't believe... CURRENT AGAIN! (I have to watch this because there's a “year to close” in a few days.) - 22.42 Showered.... Well, at least I got that much accomplished. Now to see how “sleep” works-out.
Sun.19.Dec: 10.32 So... didn't get up with the 6.00 alarm... nor the 6.30... but the 7.00 and the realisation that i HAD to be up before “morning call” got me up and rolling. The “call”? 7.37! YAY! And the morning has been rolling-rolling since. - The snow last night did manage to accumulate and, interestingly... John Demings has been by to plough the front and down the drive. He's just out front with the little front-loader, tidying, I suppose. BUT WHAT I NOTICE WITH SOME INTEREST: NEXT DOOR'S BACK WALK HAS BEEN SHOVELLED... BUT NOT MINE. GEE... ONE WONDERS. BUT ONE TAKES THIS AS SOME SORT OF “STATEMENT” AND DIRECTIVES FOR THE REMAINDER OF THE SEASON, CONSIDERING THAT I SWEPT THAT BACK WALK THE LAST SNOW... BUT WON'T REPEAT THE ERROR, TO BE SURE. I'll be sure to “mention” it when possible, as well. No prob. We'll see how it works when I go to clean the truck off... later. - Meanwhile, I managed to get the “under-things” washed and on the rack this morning. The “MTL” sleepers are waiting to be washed. And I have bread and cookies and such to bake during the day... to warm the place up and such. - Earlier, I stepped out for a smoke and Deborah passed with a hearty WAVE! (And Mayor McFuknut was out clearing its vehicle off.) - AND YONAH? ON THE FLOOR, FLITTING ABOUT! THE SUN IS SHINING IN THROUGH THE WINDOWS NOW... AND HE'S ON THE FLOOR! BUT... HE'S GOOD THIS MORNING! AND I MIXED A BIT OF MEAL WORMS IN WITH THE LATEST FOOD... FOR A BIT OF PROTEIN. I'LL BE SAVING, CLEANING AND GRINDING EGG SHELLS TODAY FOR HIM... CALCIUM. THE MEAL WORMS WILL GIVE HIM SOME PROTEIN, THE SUN-FLOWER SEEDS WILL GIVE SOME FAT AND OILS, THE EGG SHELLS, SOME CALCIUM... NOW... FOR THE VIT.D... WELL... I'LL BOIL SOME EGGS AS WELL FOR HIM. BUT, HE'S FINE THIS MORNING AND THE WORLD IS WELL... - Made a little “video” with trees in the snow and an audio of this morning: “Here's a little song I wrote, you might like to sing it note-for-note, be happy, go fukk-off.” Posted to Twats and Gets. Can't wait for the suspensions and deletions. Anyway... laundry done, soc.med. done... time to move along. - I really can't get over the shovelling though. Surrounded by children. So sad. - 11.31 OK... So I shovelled the back walk and as doing, Ms. That came to the door to ask “Do they really not plough the other end?” meaning that the “other end of the drive” into which her front steps end, hasn't been cleared. I said that sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. She then thanked me for shovelling her back walk and I explained that I didn't do that, but that I'd done the previous time. Then I asked “Are you using the back door?” to which she replied “No, that's why I'm annoyed that they didn't plough out front.” Ah... poor dear, bless her hart. So I said “Well, we'll learn with time.” and she closed the door. Meanwhile, I've done the back, served breakfast at the stump feeder, cleared the end of the front porch but not the step, since the porch is safer come the ice. And we shall see what transpires. (My back is going too.) - 16.19 The Country Québec was BLASTING in the living-room at 13.00.... and the bread got started... and as it rose, the short-breads got started... Slight error in those, of course, and there's a FULL POUND of BUTTER in this batch. But there's a FULL container and some for “later” this evening. And 2 loaves of “strange” bread in the fridge. AND ALL THE WASHING-UP FROM THE BAKING IS DONE! Veggies on the boil, a-waiting the pasta (“meal”). My back is in PAIN! But WHAT A DAY! THREE HOURS, NON-STOP! After a 30-minute “snooze'... WITH YONAH! Of course. - And the sun is already dropping. But it managed to melt quite a bit of the snow because the day was clear. - But... Poor Yonah... didn't come out of his room. I don't know why, but... I feel TERRIBLE about it. Still... I wasn't quiet in the kitchen so he could hear me in there... singing. Still... He's looking for “companionship” right now... MY BABE! MY LOVE! MY HEART! MY SOUL! - 20.20 I can hardly believe that this day is done! AND... I actually got the cookies and bread baked, a quick meal... and Yonah's Journal is complete... save the photos that I was going to work with today but... Now I have reason to be with him tomorrow! YAY! - I have to say that my back is sore tonight. I'm sure it's partly because of the shovelling and partly because of all the standing. But, how odd that I was listening to music, took a couple of breaks to DANCE in the living-room and I SANG a bit too. - It's “odd” because there are NO “holiday decorations” any-where in or on the house. The shits across the road have their lights up and lit, but this place is as dull and dead as can be. (And it's STAYING that way. I, personally, don't get to see and enjoy the decorations put on this shit-box, and Yonah? Well... He wouldn't see them either. As for “holiday spirit”? Well... MY “HOLIDAY” IS IN HIS ROOM TONIGHT, ALL SNUG AND WARM AND HE'S EVEN EATEN BEFORE TUCK-IN. I'm NOT “decorating” for the pleasure of the others in this hamlet... so...) One other note: I don't even have a “holiday mood”. I noticed this after-noon that even the snow doesn't have the usual “glint and glimmer” it used to have. This bull-shit this year truly has just stifled and suffocated ALL the old-fashioned “joy of the season”. Of course, with the political situation... the “inflation”, the increase in soc.sec. and the decrease in FS... and the suspense of wondering what ELSE is going to become more costly... and, right now, I have to “juggle money” again for a trip into town... and the trip into town pulls “joy” under and down into the liquid manure pit that this world has become. Oh... well... I need to stop. - As I say, the ONLY aspect of any importance is.... YONAH IS HERE AND IN GOOD HEALTH AND THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS. - My back teeth on the left side are bothering me tonight. They feel “out of place” some-how. Oh well... there's REALLY NOTHING that can be done about them now... This “flu shit-show” is threatening to run into another year of “lock-downs”, and there's news that there are “heavy threats” to come from the Feds for ALL who haven't received that TOXIC concoction they're pushing as being a “vaccine”... in spite of SO MUCH PROOF that it isn't a “vaccine” at all... People who have had the number of injections and the so-called “boosters” are becoming ill... with the very thing the vaccine is supposed to prevent! And yet, the dolts are still falling for the shit-show. I DO EXPECT THE ANNOUNCEMENT THAT THE “UN-VACCINATED” WILL BE PROHIBITED FROM FOOD SHOPPING! I DO EXPECT THAT... AND SOON.... SURELY FOR THE CHRISTMAS/NEW YEAR HOLIDAYS! This world is, if we're at all lucking... at its end. (Though, I don't expect THAT degree of compassion or blessing from any-thing, any-where. As mother used to say: THIS is HELL!) - On other notes, it's 20.33 and I want to get this and Yonah's page to the server tonight and get me into bed in short order. I've take the 20.00 pills and so... am on time... let's see if I can't keep it that way. There's nothing pressing tomorrow... save the quick trip into town. Other than that... making dumplings, perhaps. - Tonight's low is expected to be -15/-19°. Chilly but certainly nothing like I'm sure late-January and ALL of February will be. Let's just hope the power holds... and the heat. (Although Deborah said that the next time I visit, she's going to show me where the “emergency key” is in case they're not here and I need to bring Yonah to a warm place.... AND... Dan too said, “Just come down”. I wish I knew how to tell them how much that means to me.) (I wish I could just get the fuck out of this shit-box and have done with it! It's annoying me to know that I'm paying to heat the fucking cellar too! I have to get down there to check and see what that “heater” is set to... I've noticed it's quite warm down there and if it's set higher than this house... well... it will be re-adjusted... fuck that shit!) - Moving on and up-loading... a bit of tele. Perry's in on sale this week (all I need do is get to it). And there's short-breads! WOO.the.HOO. - 22.27... I HAVE to wash this Sherpa! SOMETHING smells “muttony”! - I'm off to bed. I showered last night (I think).
Mon.20.Dec: 20.42 FED LOAN APPROVED THE IDR !!! 8.51 and I'm only JUST getting to the key-board! The “MTL” sleepers are washed, and Yonah is up and about. I got a late start to the day again... I'd set EARLY (5.30) alarms for this morning, thinking I'd get rolling along with “chores” before starting the day but this morning, I just wanted, SO MUCH, to stay in bed. I could've actually still been there. I slept rather well (as “well” as “well” is these days and nights) with one “contraction” during the night. But the comfort of the bed was just... too comfy. But, when I looked at the clock and the time was approaching 7.00, it was time to get up! And up I got and ran the basin for the washing, made the coffee, and had at the morning. - Yonah was awake at about 8.00, when I went in to check. And this morning is one of the more “affectionate” days. Kisses, cuddles and such right away. I wonder, when he's so affectionate in the morning, what sort of night he'd had and thoughts of getting him a “mate” come rushing back. But, I'm so concerned about how he'd take to sharing his house and domain, and the thought of another dove being resented, ignored, just tears at my heart. But and so, I'll keep looking to see if there isn't another mourning dove looking for a good home... ADOPTION! I will NOT (unless pressed to the end) support the “business” of buying and selling these Little Ones. I will NOT participate in the “demand”, and hope that it's a “business” that ceases... soon. - Meanwhile... time to get on with the day. - It's -16/-18° out there and it doesn't look like it's going to be a “clear” day. And I'm still toying with a roll into town at some point, but there's finances and such to consider. A bit of a “difficult” end to the month, and I want ALL THINGS COMFORTABLE come... “the eve”. Oh well... we shall see. There's NO RUSH, and I have other things to consider and do during the day. To that end... away we go. What this day will be will be seen when this day has been. - 9.00 (on the mark) and there's a septic cleaning truck across the road. Gee! THIS one could use it too but... Mass-hole's just a Mass-hole. Besides... in THIS COLD? Just the cost of digging... but never mind. I'm too clever and he's too fucked-in-the-head. And when I move on, the next “victim” will have to deal with it. I don't and can't and won't care, so long as I can make my washes, bathe and flush. Other than that... fukkitall. - Deborah stopped by this morning to bring “Christmas cookies” and a zucchini bread that's more like a moist, sweet cake. (I had some for “lunch break” with butter. OH SO GOOD! She only stepped in but didn't stay long. Still no sign of Pearl... Deborah says there's a flock of pigeons up the main and she's hoping Pearl found them and is safe with them. (I'll be watching like a hawk, so to speak, to see if I don't see her around. And there's a LOT of food on the back gallery for her, should she happen by here. I haven't had many birds of any sort out there and the food is lasting quite a while lately. And I've seen NO mourning doves! And THAT causes me all sorts of concern... and some anger. Deborah says she still gets a flock of about 15 at her place, so, at least I know the “locals” are eating well. She also returned the empty jar from the sun-flower seeds and when I offered more she declined saying “You have Yonah...” I assured her that I have MORE than plenty but... Perhaps I'll grind more and bring them down to her at some point soon. - Oh... and my “OTC” card arrived today! As of 1 January, 100$ for “over the counter” stuff... Only problem... it's limited to Walmart! They sent a “catalogue” with, and Walmart has vitamin C, 1000mg, 250 tabs at 8,88$ which comes to the same price as Kirkland. I'll have to check the ingredients to see how “similar” they are and hope that I can order them for delivery (as the brochure claims I can do). I'm so used to Kirkland from Costco but, if Walmart is covered in the “insurance”, I see no reason why I shouldn't avail. After all, as long as Yonah is in my life... I'll be taking them. And, if need be, I'll stick to the 6grams/day... if not more... if need should come. We shall see. It doesn't go into effect until January anyway. Hopefully the vit.C will still be available in the catalogue... though the catalogue is for 2022... again.. we'll see - So I managed to get through and post the photos and videos to Yonah's site today. It took longer than I'd expected and it's good that I checked to see what was on there already... I was almost completely to-date anyway, but I feel SO much better when his site is current. It's the ONLY site I try to make sure is always current. - This after-noon, I went to the cellar to check the oil and that “heater” I saw the breaker for. THE OIL IS DOWN TO ALMOST HALF! FUCK! THAT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN UNTIL MID-TO-LATE JANUARY! I DON'T KNOW WHERE IT'S GONE TO, UNLESS THE FUCKING FURNACE RUNS AT NIGHT WHEN I'M ASLEEP! Still, almost half is better than less than half... I suppose. I just DREAD THE COST OF 100 GALLONS NEXT TIME! If this bull-shit doesn't change and prices don't come down... other than smokes, I don't know what else I have that I can stop! I don't live that “high” to begin with. (Not to mention: I still have a miserable gut-feeling that the Mass-hole is about to make life a fucking-miserable HELL at ANY moment... I just don't trust that shit-sack any more... and his “I'm so caring”. Yeah... fuck. ANYWAY... THE “HEATER” IN THE CELLAR (electric, of course) IS ON “OFF”... AND THAT'S THE WAY IT'S STAYING! I'M PAYING THE BLOODY P.O. HOT WATER! I'LL NOT PAY TO HEAT THAT CELLAR... UNLESS IT'S ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY TOO KEEP PIPES FROM FREEZING! - I shovelled in front of the cellar shed, a path to the oil fill and then took the “plough pile” from the edge of the drive in front of the truck. THEN... I NOTICED THAT SOMEBODY (Mayor McFUKKIE probably) SHOVELLED MADAME “THAT”'S FRONT STOOP AND A PATH TO THE ROAD AND ONE TO HER TRASH BINS. BUT I “CLEANED IT UP A BIT”. WTF. WHY NOT? AND WIDENED THE “PATH-WAY” SO THAT IT'S EASIER FOR HER TO GTFO AND TO PULL THE BINS. “HOW” SHE DOES IT IS NONE OF MY CONCERN AT THIS JUNCTURE. I “MAINTAIN”... I'M NOT THE BLOODY SUPER. - And tonight, I'm admittedly in a bit of “discomfort”... my back is bothering me. But then again... I'm not accustomed to “working” any more... and that has to STOP! Hopefully I'll be able to sleep tonight. - “Meal” was noodles and veg again... I'm not in the mood to take anything out of the freezer as far as meat, and I'll be making a pot roast for the new year anyway. I have to check and see if I can afford more chicken. And I don't want to make any more “goulash” just yet. (And I ABSOLUTELY DREAD going to market! GODS... NO! But I'll have to... tomorrow or...) - Had a HORROR THIS EVENING WITH YONAH:
THIS EVENING, as I was having meal in the kitchen, I heard the unmistakable fluttering of “panic”. Looking up, I saw him BEHIND his house, between it and the window! By the time I got to his room, he was no-where to be seen! I looked at the window, behind and in the curtains... under his house, all over the floor... it seemed as if he'd vanished! There was no “exit” from the room other than his door, but he hadn't come out that way. I was absolutely perplexed! I even started to doubt my sanity thinking “Was he ever actually, really here at all?” (My mind tends to “slip” like that lately... nothing “serious”... I've done it before... had those “doubts”, but no sign of him... just made it... well... it did... But... looking by the windows, there he was... he'd managed to make his way to a “remote” corner of the work table, on the little shelf that has his desk lamp and radio on it, behind his orange tree! he wasn't injured, but when he looked up at me, it seemed he was thinking “Well! Would you just look at this! HOW did I manage to get HERE?” So, as I put my hand down to let him know that I was here, all was well, he hopped up onto my hand, climbed up my arm and when he had the chance, flew up and out and off to the futon from where he rested, just as comfortably as he could, and just looked at me. It put me so much in mind of cats, and how they'll stumble or take some sort of mis-step and after a slight disaster, simply get an expression of “Happened just as I planned.” no matter the consequences. One thing I've learnt from this: from now on, when there's no light out-side his windows... the curtains get closed. He has his new “Full Spectrum” light now anyway, so the room won't be in darkness. But I have to make certain that there's no “reflection in the glass to entice”. Meanwhile, I'm SO relieved that he's perfectly fine. But WHAT AN EXPERIENCE! (All a part of having a curious little dove in the house. What a character! What a “Teacher”!)
18.20 and waters changed, back board is up... AND YONAH HAS BEEN SO ACTIVE ALL DAY TODAY! AND AFFECTIONATE! HE'S ENJOYING OUR “CUDDLES AND SNUGGLES” AND HE ALMOST WOULDN'T LEAVE ME! EVEN AS I SAT AT THE WORK TABLE AND HE WAS ON THE FLOOR... EITHER BESIDE ME OR BEHIND! I'M SO AMAZED... BLESSED, HONOURED... IN AWE! It made it more difficult to tuck him in tonight. How I DO wish we could spend the night together on his futon, but... even the other night when I was in, I had a coughing spell and I don't want to disturb him during the night, especially now that I know doves only “half sleep”... poor Little Love! But, he's tucked-in and safe and warm and the next “COLD” night won't be until Wednesday soo.... - 20.35 JUST DID THE “2022 BUDGET” ON THE SAME AS THIS YEAR WITH DIFF IN SVG. I WANT TO PUKE! BUT... IT'LL BE A BIT ON THE “TOUGH” SIDE BUT IN THE LONG RUN, WORTH IT... I THINK. ALL I HAVE TO DO NOW IS TOLERATE TOMORROW'S TRIP TO TOWN... MAY THE GODS HELP ME! For now, that's that... and tomorrow? Shortest day of the year... and catch-up on JOURNALS (since I'm jotting notes again...) but the time will be WITH YONAH! - 22.18 Day's done... time to fuck-off to bed! AT LAST!
Tue.21.Dec: WINTER! 20.33 I'm only JUST GETTING “CAUGHT-UP” WITH THESE JOURNALS! IT WAS ON HELL OF A DAY! - (Oh... funny me... today, sister hits 61 years of age! Makes me sick to think... she's “over 60” now. KRISTE... WE'RE ALL ON OUR WAY TO NON-EXISTENCE. NOT, mind, that our existence meant anything to anybody and in time... we'll never have happened anyway, but... isn't it cute that in my mind, she's still only but about 10 and at other times, in her 20s. That's what happens when you don't see people. I do wonder if they wonder about me... and then I stop wondering because... it doesn't make any sense to wonder... it doesn't make a difference one way or the other. Anyway... FUKKIT! I still remember that Easter Sunday... “breakfast at the diner”... I really should have just taken them all to a judge... then again... it'd probably been what's-his-fuck and I'd be the one to pay for something. Best as it is.) - To start the day, I didn't get out of bed until almost 7.00 again... I'm SO comfy in there in the morning any more, but I MUST be up and about and ready for “the call”. - And THAT didn't come this morning, again, so I crept in at 8.00 and there was the Little Guy. He'd been awake but... I suppose he wanted to sleep-in on the shortest day of the year. But as I sat on his futon, he looked over at me and... slowly, this morning, I opened curtains and blinds and... we got on with the day. - NOW... I don't know WHAT the actual fuck got to me but... I started scrubbing (with the brush and a mixture of Lysol, Clean-up and peroxide in a Clean-up spray bottle) the kitchen rug! AND THEN... I moved on to SCRUB the kitchen floor with the same mixture! THEN, jolly fuck me... I Hoovered that grey carpet strip and... SPRAYED AND WIPED IT TOO! THIS FUCKING KITCHEN IS STERILE! (And the rug turned-out quite nice, I must say.) - POOR YONAH! HE HAD THE DAY TO HIM-SELF, PRETTY MUCH BECAUSE I DIDN'T FINISH UNTIL WELL...15.56 ALL TOLD! BUT HIS ROOM TOO, GOT HOOVERED TODAY SO... AND THE KITCHEN GOT “DUSTED”.
AND... THERE WAS A FUCKING PROPANE DELIVERY THIS MORNING (AND I DIDN'T EVEN HEAR IT) !!! 21,8 GALLONS... “$73.90” !!! IT'S STILL AT 3,39$/GALLON AND THE LAST DELIVERY OF ABOUT THE SAME WAS ONLY BUT ABOUT 60$ FUCK THIS SHIT! I'M REALLY AT WITS' END NOW! NOT ONLY IS IS SO EARLY THAT I CAN'T MAKE THE FUCKING 10-DAY WITH-OUT DEPLETING THE FUCKING SAVINGS (FOR THE LOAN PAYMENT) BUT JUST FUCK ME !!!!! THIS IS TOO FUCKING MUCH NOW! MASKS! VACCINES! FOOD UP! OIL! I DON'T DARE TO CALL FOR THAT NOW! THIS IS GOING TO BE ONE FUCKING HEAVY WINTER !!! AND I'M JUST CONSTANTLY PISSED OFF! MOVE! JUST GET THE FUCK OUT OF THIS SHIT-BOX!
Moving along.... *** HAD A CHAT WITH EV TODAY! SHE PHONED AND I NEVER HEARD THE PHONE! FUCKING SKYPE! BUT I PHONED HER AND THEN SHE PHONED BACK. (THE SAMSUNG RINGS... THE FUCKING LG DOESN'T... I NEED A NEW PHONE... HAHAHAHAH!!!!! Anyway, we did have a lovely chat and she even said that I'm better off NOT being in The City. We compared it to the 70s and she said it was NEVER THIS horrid! But, she appreciated the card and the sketches and said, about Yonah “He's BEAUTIFUL!” It was WONDERFUL to chat with her. And she thanked me for remembering her birthday and for all the lovely things I've said and done for her over the years.
And by 16.00... the sun was setting already! And it was time for meal... fritatta tonight. I wasn't in the mood. A “smaller” one that usual (4 eggs... from that 18 case... so of course, there were “small” eggs in it too). It sufficed. - My HEART-ACHE! YONAH WAS ON HIS OWN ALL DAY! AND WHEN I'D WALK INTO HIS ROOM, HE WAS, FOR QUITE A WHILE, ON THE FLOOR... HE SEEMS TO LIKE IT THERE NOW... BUT HE DOESN'T LIKE THE QC FLAG ON THE BACK-PACK! HOW HE GOES AT THAT! AND A I'D WALK IN, HE FOLLOWED ME... LIKE A LITTLE PUPPY! OH MY MY MY MY... Well, tomorrow I HAVE to make certain to spend a LOT MORE time with him! My little Heart and Soul and BREATH and EXISTENCE and LIFE! - 19.28 WRAP-UP TIME! I've FINALLY caught-up with Yonah's Journal from yesterday and today... and now... it's time to tuck my Little Heart and Soul in for the night. (And “Phil Collins” is singing “Salisbury Hill”... “Grab your things I've come to take you home”... My Little Guy... in his own “home”... safe and sound... and the furnace has just stopped running to take the last chill of the evening out of his room. - But I've still got THIS Journal to catch-up with before I get to “rest” tonight! - 20.01 Yonah is tucked-in. The day is done. His Journal is ready to be up-loaded, and I AM EXHAUSTED! I've taken the night pills already. - The night is supposed to be not-too-cold, but tomorrow night, again... double-digits... “minus” again. Oh well. There are the radiators and there's oil for the furnace. We'll get by... Yonah and I. - 21.15 JUST getting caught-up with these Journals... and the FUCKING FURNACE IS RUNNING AGAIN! THIS IS TWICE SINCE I CAME TO THE KITCHEN AT ABOUT 20.00!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK! But I do have it above 60F and I'll put it down before bed. And I want to shower! (May as well... there's fucking PROPANE for hot water! God damn it! - Thankfully it won't be but -5° tonight but tomorrow... -11° again or so. Oh... jolly fuck-all! - OH... and I took a back-up of the servers this morning and SOME files “FAILED”. So I have to go through them all again, tomorrow... JEEZUS KRISTE! - AND I HAVE TO RUN INTO TOWN... I'M ON THE 'RED PACK' FOR SMOKES AGAIN! FUCK! I WONDER IF THEY'LL BE UP TO 25/PACK THEN. THIS FUCKING BULL-SHIT! WELL, I'M IN “WAR” MODE ANYWAY. Let's just hope the truck runs PROPERLY! DAMNIT! - I'M TIRED TOO! AND ONLY 1 SMALL SERVING OF ICE CREAM TOO. ALAS. - 22.50 Well, there's still a “22” in the hour. Off to teeth and bed... no shower. Too late. Alas.
Wed.22.Dec: 13.19 I am only JUST getting to sit down and hit the Journals for the day! OK, I didn't get out of bed until about 6.40... but, making coffee, serving breakfast in the yard... I don't know, the next thing I saw was that it was going for 8.00! AND... I hadn't heard from Yonah yet! So I called from the kitchen and THEN came the reply! So, in I rushed and there he was, awake and waiting to tell me about my tardiness. Now, what took the time between then and probably 10.00, I have NO idea because I really didn't “DO” anything other than the usual “internet”... which, sadly, included, transferring money out of savings and into chequing for this morning's planned “RUN” to town. - That said, I have no idea when I left the house, but I did so with-out much thought, just one of those “keep moving” moments. Out the door... the truck was COVERED in snow, with a layer of ice beneath. THANKFULLY... IT STARTED RIGHT UP AND I RAN IT WHILST I CLEANED IT OFF AND... ON THE ROAD AND ROLLING! - FamDoll... for FOUR packs of smokes which I WILL make last until the 3rd of January! I WILL! DAMNIT! Managed to make it in, calmly, maskless... and Penny asked after Yonah!!! I told her “Oh, you'll know when he's 'gone' because I won't be in any more.” “That attached?” she asked. So I sort of told the fact about it and got, basically, blank stares. I don't expect anybody to understand, I don't expect them to try, I don't expect to tell them any more than what I've said... and that's that for that. ON TO MARKET where, with mask on chin, I BOLTED in the door, hit the aisles and got ALL that was on my list including “chopped spinach” for New Year's eve and day... (with pot roast, to be sure), and LIMA BEANS! They had them, for a change, so I got THREE bags! (Oddly, I came back with more on the card than I'd left with... I can't understand this any more and so... I don't bother to try. As long as I can buy food... for me and Yonah... nothing else matters where that's concerned.) - Came in the drive from the main, parked at the kitchen door, dropped the tote on the gallery, DROVE the truck to the back and parked. (Even over the un-ploughed area... FTW, thank you.) I WAS BACK IN THE HOUSE AND UN-PACKED BY 11.22... - BUT... AS I WALKED IN, I CALLED FOR YONAH AND CAME INTO HIS ROOM... HE WAS NO-WHERE TO BE SEEN OR FOUND! I LOOKED IN THE KITCHEN. I LOOKED IN THE LIVING-ROOM. I CALLED. NOTHING. NOT EVEN THE STIR OF WINGS! WELL! WHAT? WHERE? AND THE SADDEST PART OF IT WAS THE THOUGHT THAT CAME TO MIND: DID SOMEBODY COME INTO THE HOUSE, OPEN THE DOOR AND HE BOLTED OR... DID SOMEBODY COME INTO THE HOUSE AND ACTUALLY PUT HIM OUT? HONESTLY, THAT SUCH A THOUGHT SHOULD EVEN CROSS THE MIND IS MORE THAN ENOUGH OF A REASON TO GET OUT OF HERE! I TRULY HAVE THAT DEEP A MIS-TRUST IN THESE SHIT-SACKS AROUND HERE! AH... BUT THEN... I WENT INTO THE BED-ROOM AND THERE... ON THE FLOOR, IN THE CORNER BY THE LAUNDRY BASKET... *** MY LITTLE HEART AND SOUL *** ! I'VE NO IDEA HOW HE GOT IN THERE, BUT, APPARENTLY, HE NOTICED THAT I WASN'T IN THE HOUSE AND WENT LOOKING! THAT HE'D EVEN THOUGHT TO GO LOOKING AND THAT HE'D THOUGHT OF THE BED-ROOM JUST TOOK ME! HE TRULY IS SUCH A “SENTIENT”, “COGNIZANT” LITTLE BEING! “AWE”... PLAIN AND SIMPLE. JUST “AWE” IN THE TRUEST SENSE OF THE WORD! So I got onto the floor and he did seem a bit “annoyed” with me for a while. So I went into the kitchen to get the groceries un-packed and he went on to “explore”... up on the bed! When I'd done with the groceries, I went in and as I laid across the bed, on my knees, he jumped up onto my back and we went into his room where I put the receipts and such onto the work table and he headed directly into his house. The day's “exploration” was done! I was where I should be and all was well with the world again. WHAT AN EXPERIENCE! NEVER LET IT BE SAID THAT THERE'S A DAY WHERE HE DOESN'T AMAZE, AND DOESN'T TEACH ME SOMETHING NEW! - In other “news”... today's post brought the “annual Medicare Statement”... TWO trips to the ER and on the “Amount You Can Be Billed”... all the way through... “ZERO”! I don't know or understand how that works but if the statement says “ZERO”, well... that's fine by me. I just hope the “new coverage” is as good... Or... what-ever. - And so... at that, I'd gotten chicken to cook for tonight... and the next 7 days... so I got to that and it went into the oven... - Checked the “internet shit”... No reply as yet, from Mindy, from my e-mail yesterday. I don't expect to get any so... the rest of the day rolled... - 14.13 Had a 15-minute snooze... but this time... no Yonah with. Hmmm.... he was up on the shelf but didn't come down this time. I wonder. Perhaps still ticked-off with me from this morning? I shouldn't doubt it. But, he's been flying about quite a bit today so... we shall see. - And the “books” are current with today's “spree”. - There's still a bit of a “mystery” about the “back-up of the servers” from yesterday. I can't figure out what's missing so I'll be on that now... WITH YONAH! - Oh, and... as today is the day when the “day” grows longer... over-cast. Although I DO realise... today is the same as Monday, as far as “sun time” is concerned. There won't be any “noticeable” difference for a while, but I was hoping for some sun-shine! So the “FullSpec” light and desk lamp are on... And the oven is on... and the house smells of cooking and... that's that for that. - 18.22 JUST KICKED THE FURNACE UP A TOUCH, JUST TO TAKE THE SLIGHT “CHILL” OUT OF THE AIR BEFORE YONAH'S “TUCK-IN” TONIGHT AND THE FUCKING THING REEKS OF OIL !!! I'M FED-THE-FUCK-UP WITH THIS BULL-SHIT! TOMORROW WE CALL HEAP AND NYSEG !!! THIS HAS GOT TO STOP !!! - My front teeth, bottom, are a bit on the “painful” side tonight after meal. Just saying. I believe I broke a couple more lower-right “chewers” too. Oh well... Just... Oh well... - 22.00 Teeth are brushed I'm off to bed. Stepped out the front door about 10 minutes ago for last smoke into a BLAST OF WIND... FROM THE WEST! AND IT'S BLOODY COLD OUT THERE (I see, on the F-scale, chills of -5F! tonight!) Oh well.Off to bed it is then. Considered a shower... maybe tomorrow then. - Sent an e-mail to a “piegeon resuce in Calif asking about adoption in NY. Let's see.
Still no word from Brock. - 22.22 BED! DAMNIT!
Thu.23.Dec: (Addendum: 21.28 OK... now I'm officially sick to my core. At 20.35 I'd stepped out to the front porch in the cold, to have a smoke and, from some-where, I can only believe it was from the back by the garage, I heard a ************* SNAP/CRACK *********** !!! AND NOW I'M THINKING: THE BLOCK ON THE TRUCK, THE ENGINE, CRACKED IN THE COLD !!! ADD TO THAT, A MESSAGE FROM A GUY WHO KNOWS GINA IN SK... SHE'S FALLEN OFF A “30' LADDER”, FOUND UNCONSCIOUS, FRACTURE OF THE HEAD, BROKEN BACK! SHE'S IN HOSPITAL !!! AND THEN ADD TO THAT, THE NEW “FORUM” I JUST JOINED WHERE THERE WAS INFO ON OTHERS WITH MOURNING DOVES, I'D ONLY JUST POSTED MY DELIGHT IN KNOWING SOME-ONE ELSE IN MY SITUATION AND THE FORUM “CLOSED THE THREAD” WITH A LINK TO THE “MIGRATORY BIRD TREATY” AND THE “IT'S ILLEGAL” BULL-SHIT! SO... THERE'S ANOTHER ONE DOWN TODAY... TWO IN ONE DAY! THIS IS SHIT! And I'm afraid to go look at the truck... I don't dare start it, with that one next door, and... well... I'm going out with a flash-light just to check under it. If something cracked, there ought to be something leaking, I imagine... If I don't look, I'll probably not sleep at all. If it's as bad as I'm thinking... I'll go to sleep plotting and planning the future walks to town again. - 21.43 WENT OUT, LOOKED UNDER, AROUND AND AT... NOTHING LEAKED, NO GLASS BROKEN. SO TOMORROW... I'LL CHECK AND TRY TO START AND ROLL. IT'S CURRENTLY -13/-17°.... THE LOWEST IT'S EXPECTED TO BE. TOMORROW WAS SUPPOSED TO SNOW, BUT I SEE LITTLE “SUNS”, HIGH OF -3/-5 WHICH WAS WHAT TODAY WAS, BUT WITH ENOUGH SUN, IT'LL WARM THE TRUCK A TOUCH. I JUST “THINK TOO MUCH”... OR, AS HAS ALWAYS BEEN SAID: “I THINK THINGS TO DEATH”! LOOKS LIKE I HAVEN'T CHANGED. OK... OFF TO A NOSH AND THEN TO BED... NO SHOWER AGAIN... BUT THEN... WHY BOTHER ANYWAY? EH?) 10.13 I still have notes from last night to get to. I didn't get out of bed until almost 7.00 this morning! Went in to Yonah at 8.00... no “call” again, this morning, but he was awake. And had to do two changes to the water in his pool... a tiny “cube” of carrot got caught in the tubing! So his water is CLEAN! And it's going to be a clear and COLD day. And I want to get more ice cream before the sale is off. I can't believe it's THURSDAY already... not to mention “Christmas Eve Eve”! I've got house-work to get done too! And the next several days... clouds... and at night... DOUBLE-FUCKING-DIGITS IN THE MINUSES! Alas and oh well. Dumpling-making today too... MUST cook the eggs! And they can be frozen... and something to go with the pot roast next Friday and Saturday. (And I HAVE TO REMEMBER TO POST THE RENT CHEQUE THURSDAY NIGHT! These days, for some reason... I HAVE to REMIND me to do that! “Slipping”? What-ever.) - Deb came to the PO this morning as I was putting food out for the “squirrels”... since there are so few birds lately. She said “I've been wondering if you're keeping warm.” and no Pearl... I'm SO saddened by that! - I need to get me together... I want a snooze too... 8 hours of bed last night and I want a snooze. - OH... BLOODY NOSE THIS MORNING WHEN I SNEEZED! WHAT KIND OF NIGHT DID I HAVE? One wonders... but not much. - 20.17 I'M BLOODY EXHAUSTED AGAIN! - I never got to the dumplings... BUT I DID GET TO AUBUCHON'S FOR PROPER AND SAFE AND FRESH FOOD FOR THE BIRDS IN THE YARD! And a stop at market for a few more provisions (and more ice cream). So there's that. 45 minutes and done! - And as for the day? Well... let me just place a quote from Yonah's Journal page today (which is on the server)...
WELL! TODAY WE GOT ANOTHER LESSON IN THE SINCERITY AND “DEDICATION” OF “AVIAN CARE-GIVERS”, AND ONE THAT'S BEEN ENOUGH TO TEAR AT THE VERY CORE OF A SOUL. I MADE THE GRAVE ERROR OF BELIEVING A FEW VIDEOS AND SOME, WHAT I CAN ONLY THINK OF AS “PROPAGANDA” ,THAT'S POSTED TO A PARTICULAR WEB-SITE FOR A PARTICULAR “INSTITUTE” CLAIMING A SINCERE LOVE AND CARING FOR AND ABOUT DOVES AND OTHER “FEATHERED BEINGS”. SO, IN MY NEVER-CEASING ENDEAVOURS TO GIVE THE VERY BEST POSSIBLE TO YONAH, I RANG THEM UP TO INQUIRE ABOUT FINDING A LEGITIMATE LITTLE LADY-FRIEND FOR HIM. “OH MY GOD”, TO USE A WELL-WORN CLICHÉ, DID I EVER GET “A LOAD” IN THE FACE ON THE CALL-BACK! THE ONLY POINT THE YOUNGSTER ON THE OTHER END OF THE WIRE FOCUSED ON WAS “YOU DON'T HAVE A PERMIT” (OF SOME PARTICULAR SORT OR ANOTHER). ABSOLUTELY NO REGARD FOR ANY OF THE HISTORY, NOR OF THE CURRENT SITUATION, AND ESPECIALLY FOR MY SENTIMENTS AND THE MUTUAL ATTACHMENT BETWEEN MYSELF AND YONAH! NONE WHAT-SO-EVER! IT WAS ALL ABOUT “PAPERS”! I ASKED IF HE'D BE ABLE TO GIVE ME SOME “DIRECTION, INSTRUCTION, INFORMATION” REGARDING OBTAINING SUCH “PERMIT” AND IN AN APATHETIC TONE HE SIMPLY REPLIED “THERE'S NOTHING I CAN TELL YOU.” HOW I'D TRULY LIKE TO POST THE NAME OF THE PERSON AND THE “STATE INSTITUTE” HERE, BUT I DON'T DARE! SO, 14 MONTHS ALONG AND IT'S OBVIOUS THAT THE VERY SAME APATHY I'VE EXPERIENCED FROM THE VERY BEGINNING SIMPLY CONTINUES. I POLITELY INFORMED “Mr.” THAT, INDEED, I'M SICKENED BY THE ATTITUDE, THAT I UNDERSTAND THAT THIS “CARING” IS NOTHING OTHER THAN A “JOB”... A “PAY-CHEQUE” (SO IF YOU'RE READING THIS, YOU KNOW WHO I AM), THAT I FIND IT SICKENING (THAT “LIFE” IS SO WORTHLESS TO THE SORT THEY ARE), BADE HIM A “MERRY CHRISTMAS” AND RANG-OFF.
I WAS HEART-SICK AFTER THAT HORROR AND WHAT MADE THE MATTER ALL THE WORSE IS THAT I COULD TELL THAT YONAH SOME-HOW KNEW THAT I WAS UP-SET BECAUSE WHEN I WENT TO SIT BESIDE HIM, HE CAME OVER TO ME AND “SNUGGLED” AGAINST ME! HE COULD “SENSE” MY ANXIETY! SO I WAS ALL THE WORSE FOR THE FACT THAT HE HAD TO EXPERIENCE THIS AS WELL!
Well, to be sure, THAT “resource” has been removed from the “Bibliography” page! GODS FORBID OTHERS should suffer through that horror as well. I SURE DO NOT RECOMMEND NOR EVEN REMOTELY SUGGEST that ANY-ONE with a kind-and-true heart be subjected to that!
And I'll leave it at that. - Oh... I found a whole bottle of B12 in the fridge... never opened! I don't remember why I didn't take it but I'll be taking it now... until I remember why I didn't before. - OH! MAYOR McFUKTARD LEFT A “HOLIDAY” CARD AT THE DOOR AT SOME TIME DURING THE DAY. A photo of the work “Peace” painted on a barn and a little “best” sort of note inscribed. As if... I'm so tired of all this. Really. - Tomorrow is “Christmas Eve”... as if... and Yonah and I will be spending it all together... and tomorrow and Saturday, I'm not answering the door. Done. - Ah... another “Piss Me Off”? EVEN THE BLOODY “GOOGLE VOICE” NUMBERS AREN'T RINGING-THROUGH NOW! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THAT ALL ABOUT NOW? SKYPE. NOW GOOGLE? WHAT WHAT WHAT THE FUCK FUCK FUCK? Oh well... - Yonah and I are fine, comfortable, safe. There's oil to take us through the holidays (there'd BETTER BE enough in there to go through the 1st!). Tonight's a -13/-15° night... then single digits minuses again so... And I ordered more “Glimmas”. So? So... - I need to take night pills. It's going to be another shower deferred. - 23.37 -12/-12°. Furnace at 62F just kicked on. There's a noticeable chill in the house and I'm finally going to go to bed... NOT looking forward to dealing with the truck. - It's been a fucking HELL of a day! The VT bull-shit. The “forum” bull-shit. The news about Gina. That “crack” from the back (as it were). I'm tired... but... -
Fri.24.Dec: 20.21 It was a “full, busy” sort of day today. I did manage to get notes jotted and now that Yonah's Journal is done, and coded, time to try to fill-in the blanks before I go completely exhausted....
Last night... THREE BAD “contractions” through the night again so that, when I got out of the bed at just past 7.00 it was difficult, at best. I was at table by 7.15 and EXHAUSTED! - Making matters worse, I woke out of a “disturbing” sort of dream, not a “night-mare”, nothing “horrific”, just “annoying” mostly:
I had some sort of envelope/parcel, about the size of the envelope I'd actually sent to Ev for her birthday, but this one was wrapped in white “tissue paper” and had a lot of writing on the paper, as if “notes” of some kind had been written on it. But the address was in a clear area, in the proper place. I don't know to whom it was supposed to go, all I know/knew is that it HAD to get to the post office, either to be sent or returned to whom-ever had sent it in the first place. I don't even know how I came to have it, other than some vagueness about a mis-delivery. - I was discussing the matter with some guy I'd worked with who, in the dream, was that “Steve” (I believe that was his name) from “Winstar”. The one who used to piss me off by taking documents from my desk as I was trying to complete a job. In the dream, he had a “mental position” of both him and that “Jessica” from the NR PO, so he was truly just as, if not doubly annoying to me, and he'd just been fired from the company we both worked for... BUT... he said that he'd been hired by the PO! I was annoyed by that as well because I thought that he'd be just as incompetent at the PO as he was at the previous job but now we'd all have to worry about our mail being “mis-delivered” IF it got delivered at all. - Well... he went his way and I headed to the PO and when I walked in... THERE HE WAS, BEHIND THE COUNTER. I just stood, fixed, staring at him with an expression of disbelief. It was a bit of a “joking” sort of thing BUT... AS I STOOD THERE, EVERYBODY ELSE IN THE PO IGNORED ME, DIDN'T EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE MY PRESENCE AND SIMPLY WALKED RIGHT BY BE AND TO THE WINDOW FOR SERVICE! RUDE AS ALL COULD BE! I didn't say anything until one person got to the window and needed some tape for a package and was being “over-polite” and “annoyingly patient”. I took the opportunity and reached, almost pushing the person (I don't recall if it was a man or woman or... one of those “dream ambiguities”) out of the way, to get to the tape dispenser on the counter behind the window, and as I did, with a dose of “defiance”, knowing that I wasn't supposed to help myself to the tape there, I said, calmly but sternly “No darling. THIS is how it's done.” and I pulled several lengths of tape which I proceeded to apply to the envelope I had. “Steven” shot me a disgusted glance, I smiled back, silently. And then... I was fed-up with the rudeness of the entire affair, tossed the envelope onto the counter and walked away. As I reached the door to leave, I thought of and wondered if I'd had the proper postage on the envelope but being so annoyed, I didn't care... and that's when I woke up.
I looked at the clock, was in a bit of a “panic” because it was after 7.00 and so got on with my “morning routine”. -
7.41 STEPPED-OUT FOR PORCH-SMOKE AND... THAT ***** CRACK/CLANK ***** AGAIN !!! THE VERY SAME ***** CRACK/CLANK ***** I'D HEARD LAST NIGHT !!! AND, IN THE DIM LIGHT OF AN OVER-CAST MORN... I STROLLED ROUND THE HOUSE TO THE HILL TO LOOK AND SEE... ICICLES ON THE ROOF OF THE HOUSE !!! THE OVER-HANG OF SNOW WITH ICICLES... ABOVE THE CELLAR SHED !!! NOT THE TRUCK. NOT FROM THE BACK OF THE HOUSE. PERHAPS? HOW DIFFERENT THE SOUND, IN THE LIGHT OF MORNING, FROM THE DARKNESS OF THE NIGHT. I'LL CHECK THE TRUCK ANYWAY, WHEN THE DAY IS ROLLING ALONG. BUT... PERHAPS? WE'LL KNOW WHEN WE KNOW AND NOT A MOMENT SOONER NOR LATER. - Coffee isn't “settling” well this morning and no “call” from Yonah. And yesterday's “events” with “VINS” and that “chicken forum” are still weighing heavily. I've no trust in morons anyway... wouldn't put it past them to come to the door for Yonah. I'm quite ready, emotionally and mentally, to seriously “DAMAGE” ANYBODY who even so much as passes a remark on the matter! And I DO MEAN... SERIOUSLY DAMAGE... NOT JUST “INJURE”... I WANT “DAMAGE”! I'M FUCKING RIPPED ABOUT THIS NOW! I'd SO like to send fucking letters, make phone calls, send e-mails and BITCH-THE-FUCK-OUT-OF THESE SHIT-SACKS! THE ONLY THING STOPPING ME IS THAT I KNOW HOW VENGEFUL THEY CAN BE... TRACING E-MAILS VIA “IP”... AND THEN THERE'S YONAH'S SITE... THEY CAN, I KNOW, GET MY PAYMENT INFO, TRACE THE BANQUE RECORDS TO THE ADDRESS AND JUST SHOW-THE-FUCK-UP! BUT... AS I SAY... I'M *SO* PREPPED TO PUT SOME EVER-SO-SERIOUSLY-HELLISH-DAMAGE ON ANYBODY! So, on the morning of “Christmas Eve”... I'm pissed-off with the world already and again. “Happy holiday”. Fuck. - 7.49 -10/-13° and the furnace is just stopped. I'd kicked it when I got out of bed. -4 for the “high” with grésil tonight. - 8.15 No “call” from Yonah! Time to go check. I don't want to disturb him but if he's awake, I don't want him to think he's alone in there! I DREAD the very thought of him thinking he's alone! MY PRECIOUS LITTLE HEART-AND-SOUL! - 11.36 Well... Yonah WAS awake and he's in another “explorative” mind-set this morning and followed me, from his roof, all round and I opened curtains and blinds and got on with his “morning routine”! And when it was complete, I came back to the kitchen where I put the heavier “Sherpa” into the basin. Getting started with the “New Year” washing! Oh lord! - Checked the post, nothing, thankfully. Popped my head into the PO to bid “Merry” to Robin. Saw Jeff toddling to McFuknuts'. AND THE SERVERS ARE ON THE LAP-TOP” WAITING TO BE TRANSFERRED TO THE SEAGATES! I GOT EACH “DOMAIN” DONE, INDIVIDUALLY AND COMPLETELY! AT LAST! The sun is shining. Yonah's been on the floor, ripping into the QC flag. I don't know what it is about that flag, but he LUVS almost tearing at it! And now... the “hoodie” is washed and on the rack in the shower. And I'm about to have “lunch break” and then... Then. - 16.14 YONAH'S ROOM IS (some-what) CLEAN! I did his wall shelves today, and the floor and I had NO intention of doing that today! BUT... it's DONE.AND ALL THE WHILE I WORKED, YONAH WAS ABOUT THE ROOM, THEN ON MY SHOULDERS, ON MY BACK... AS I MOVED, REMOVED AND REPLACED THINGS ON HIS SHELVES, HE CAME TO PECK AT MY HANDS AS IF TO “APPROVE OR DISAPPROVE” OF THEIR POSITION! HE'S BEEN AN ACTUAL LAUGH-RIOT ALL DAY! NOW... THERE ISN'T AND COULDN'T BE A BETTER “CHRISTMAS EVE” THAN THIS! And “meal” is on the hob (veggies and a hunk of chicken). The house can now settle... and I can start hoping that there's no bull-shit from next door. - I didn't get out to check the truck. But I'm hoping the CRACK-CLANK actually was ice on the cellar shed. (And I didn't go down to check the oil... but... there's tomorrow... if we have one.) - And I laid down for what was supposed to be just a “resting of the eyes” and it was 30-minutes! - OH OH OH ... AND AS I WORKED ON THE SHELVES... YONAH LITERALLY “SUPERVISED”... FROM THE SHELVES... WATCHING ABSOLUTELY EVERY MOVE OF EVERY ITEM I TOUCHED! - AND THE SERVERS ARE ON THE 500G SEAGATE! (Now to see if I can make another back-up on another drive.) - 20.54 Caught-up with the notes... and so... the servers are now on the 500GB and the 1TB drive, safely backed-up for the year. - Meal was done and gone with-in 45 minutes tonight including a glass of that “heavy cream powder” and some cookies. And I was back in with Yonah. - His “tuck-in” came at about 19.45... poor Little Guy. He obviously was tired but he obviously doesn't like being alone at night. I HAVE to find him a little “gal”... and at this juncture... ONE WAY OR ANOTHER! (OH... THAT REMINDS ME... I WASHED THE “MAT” ON THE BACK GALLERY THIS MORNING... TOSSED THAT OTHER SEED INTO THE “GARDEN”. NOW I HAVE TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO DISPOSE OF THE REST OF THE SEED... I DON'T WANT TO PUT IT ANYWHERE WHERE BIRDS MIGHT GET AT IT... I STILL DON'T BELIEVE IT'S SAFE. PERHAPS INTO THE RIVER WHERE WHAT-EVER'S ON IT WILL BE WASHED AWAY AND KILLED IN THE COLD WATER AND BE OUT TO THE LAKE WHERE IT'LL DISSIPATE TO NOTHING? PERHAPS. MEANWHILE, THERE'S GOOD FOOD FOR THE DOVES... AND THE SUN-FLOWER SEEDS ARE OK... TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE.) - OH OH OH... I ALMOST FORGOT TO MENTION... Ms. NANCE ROLLED BY THIS MORNING AND ACTUALLY WAVED! I was polite... I simply waved back. She kept rolling... thankfully. - Fine... so now... the day is done! It's chilly in the house. I'm sorry I didn't go to check the oil but tomorrow I most certainly will because it's supposed to be a bit of “nasty” in the weather. - AND THE “GLIMMAS” HAVE SHIPPED! SEEMS THEY WILL BE HERE ON MONDAY! I HAVE 100 IN A PACKAGE... ABOUT 90 IN ANOTHER. PLENTY FOR NOW... AND I'M PLANNING ON LIGHTING THE TERRACOTTA TOMORROW... FOR HEAT, DRYNESS AND JUST BECAUSE... “It's Christmas” and there's NO sign of it anywhere in this house! - On that... the ONLY house on the main that's lit tonight is the once across the way... and they didn't light until almost 20.00 tonight. And there's no “wreaths” this year. The “spirit” has been murdered... This world is such a fucking shame anymore. But... BUT???? I GIVE NEITHER SHITS NOR FUCKS... IN THIS HOUSE... YONAH IS HERE... THE TRUEST MEANING OF THE DAY! AND THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS! And he's all tucked-in... radiator going in his room... nice and warm and snug and safe. As for the rest of this “Creation fiasco and farce”? I simply do not, can not and will not care. - Tomorrow, should we have one... NO PHONE... NO E-MAILS... NO DOOR... NO... JUST NO! I've dumplings to make, a bit of “tidying”... there's a bag of GOOD bird food to “sift”... There's dusting to be done... nothing “noisy”. AND... there's YONAH... I'm thinking of trying to set his former house up in the kitchen some-where... maybe he'll be more comfortable out of his room with another little house to go to. It would be nice to have him close by... and so he can be sure he's not alone. We shall see. - Right not... time for a bit of tele... AND HOPEFULLY, A QUICK SHOWER BY 22.00! AND TO BED BY 23.00 AND UP AT A CIVIL HOUR AFTER A NIGHT OF SLEEP TONIGHT! (I can be insane... hopelessly hoping... ) - 23.04 Off to last smoke... no shower... don't care, really. I COULD do one in the morning... or during the day...
Sat.25.Dec: 12.00 ON THE MARK!!! I was up and out of bed “late”... at about 7.15... straight to “my morning routine” and got SO carried-away on the soc.med. commentaries that, when I looked at the clock... 8.33!!! YONAH! So I dropped everything and... YONAH'S MORNING ROUTINE! HE WAS UP, AWAKE, WAITING... MY PRECIOUS LITTLE HEAR-AND-SOUL! So we got to the water changes and such and... AND... I HIT THE KITCHEN... SIFTING THE NEW BAG OF SEEDS, TRIPLE-SIFTING YONAH'S MILO AND MILLET... AND GOT THE SEPARATED FOOD INTO THE JUGS... THEN, THE “CANOLA AND CORN” GOT GROUND SO THAT HE CAN EAT IT AND THAT'S IN SEPARATE CONTAINERS IN THE FRIDGE. AND, IT'S CHRISTMAS SO... “SPECIAL DINNER”... A MIXTURE OF HIS “REGULAR” WITH OATS, THE CANOLA AND CORN, SUN-FLOWER SEEDS AND PEANUTS! Then, of course, washing-up... and only JUST NOW... am I done with THAT part of THIS day. - And there's music playing in the living-room... and out-side? Well... grey, wet, and I suspect (because I heard the state shits pass), the “verglacante” has commenced. I've only been out twice for a smoke, but I'm about to step out for a halfie. Not bad... But is sadly so easy to ignore the “holiday”... the “supposedly most important of a year, the biggest, greatest, the one everybody waits for in and with such great anticipation”. It's been SO FUCKED, SO WAY BEYOND IMAGINATION, this year. It's horrifically pathetic. And too... “Saturday”... “Shabbat”... and that too, this morning, is... well... not. But this morning's activities weren't “work”... They were JOY! GOOD FOOD FOR YONAH! Greater deed than that? Oh NO! - But the “heaviest” part of it today: I still can't shake the anger, bitterness, the silent rage against the shits who make their little “fame” claiming they're dedicated to “helping” the Little Ones and yet, when brought to proof... are nothing but a fist-full of shit-sacks, liars looking for an income and some “supportive recognition”. FUKKEM! REALLY! That shit at the VINS COULD have said “I can't give you any help but, you might try...” FUKKIT! FUKKEM! REALLY! My “proof of eligibility”, my “competence” is on the internet, for the world to see. Yonah's success and comfort is there, as well. So let them come! Let them TRY! As I say... “SERIOUS DAMAGE”. I just need to get this out of my being... - Now? Lunch pills... and moving along. - 18.31 It's almost UN-believable! I'm sitting at Yonah's work table and have been here from since after meal... which I “downed” and finished the washing-up from 17-17.40! AND... the waters have been changed, the curtains and blinds are closed... and I've finished putting the latest photos on Yonah's site... AND the coded pages to go with... AND added them to his Journal... ALL, except today's page! AND... IT'S BEEN ONE AMAZING DAY! Of course, it was with Yonah ALL DAY! Well, after this morning's “chore” where I got the NEW bird-food sifted and “jugged”! But you know? I'm just going to “quote/paste” the entry from Yonah's page because, well... IT'S ALL ABOUT YONAH!!!
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On this day of Christmas, my true love gave to me... ONE MAGNFICENT TURTLE DOVE! DID I EVER GET A “CHRISTMAS GIFT” TODAY! AT 14.33 I WAS SITTING AT TABLE IN THE KITCHEN, WRAPPING-UP A “GLEANING” OF HOLIDAY CORRESPONDENCE ON THE “SOCIAL MEDIA”. I'D MOVED MY FEET TO PUSH THE CHAIR FROM THE TABLE, TO PUT THE KETTLE ON FOR AN AFTER-NOON TEA WHEN... *** FLUTTER-FLUTTER-FLUTTER *** !!! YONAH !!! HE'D COME WALKING OUT OF HIS ROOM, INTO THE KITCHEN !!! AND THERE HE WAS, RIGHT BESIDE ME, ON THE FLOOR !!! HE'S DONE A “FLY-THROUGH, TWICE BEFORE, OVER THE MONTHS WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER, FLYING INTO THE KITCHEN, STAYING JUST LONG ENOUGH TO CONFIRM THAT I'M THERE, AND THEN, IMMEDIATELY RETURNING TO HIS ROOM, NOT EVEN LANDING FOR A MOMENT. BUT TODAY... HE ACTUALLY WALKED RIGHT ALONG, OUT OF HIS ROOM AND INTO THE KITCHEN AND STAYED THERE, IN SILENCE, RIGHT BESIDE ME !!! BUT AS I GOT UP FROM TABLE, HE HEADED RIGHT BACK TO HIS ROOM, AS IF TRYING TO HIDE THAT HE'D BEEN IN THE KITCHEN !!! AND WHEN I GET INTO THE ROOM, HE WAS ON HIS FUTON AND WE GOT SO MANY KISSES AND CUDDLES ! AND, WELL, I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO DESCRIBE THE * JOY * IN MY HEART ! YONAH IS COMING TO WHERE THIS HOUSE IS HIS DOMAIN, AS IT ACTUALLY HAS BEEN, ALL ALONG. BUT NOW, HE'S BEGINNING TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE EXTRA SPACE ! I COULDN'T BE HAPPIER ABOUT IT ! AND WHEN OUR CUDDLES WERE, ACCORDING TO HIM, “ENOUGH”, HE HEADED TO HIS HOUSE FOR A BITE TO EAT, AND I MOVED TO THE WORK TABLE TO GET TO HIS JOURNAL AND THE PHOTOS THAT ARE STILL WAITING TO BE POSTED. WHEN HE'D FINISHED HIS “LUNCH”, HE CAME TO THE DOOR PERCH AND SETTLED TO DIGEST. WE HAD A LITTLE CHAT UNTIL HIS LITTLE EYES STARTED TO CLOSE AND I RETURNED TO THE “JOURNALLING”... WHICH IS WHAT I'M DOING NOW. MEAN-WHILE... WHAT A CHRISTMAS !!! IT'S BEEN A PURE JOY ANYWAY... YONAH IS HERE, THERE'S BEEN RAIN AND FROZEN RAIN FALLING THROUGH THE DAY, BUT, WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER... AND THAT, TRULY, IS *ALL* THAT MATTERS. Now, this morning, I got out of bed shortly after 7.00 and was still having morning coffee when I looked at the clock to see 8.33! There hadn't been a sound from Yonah's room yet and, I went through the usual “panic and anxieties” that strike when the clock passes 7.30... in silence. BUT... when I got into his room, he was, OH YES he was, up, awake, and as I got to his futon to sit and bid him “Good morning”, he immediately stretched his wings and turned his head to me. OK! The world, the morning, the day... Creation was settled and secured. So I opened his door, leaned in and he came forward... “Good morning pecks and kisses.” We were here, together, well and fine, and this Christmas morning, cold, grey, wet, frozen was in full roll! As I got his curtains and blinds open, and went about our “morning routine”, he watched, he supervised, and then, when he felt I was performing as I ought, he headed out... over to his wall shelves, from where he continued to watch me. A day or so ago, I'd gotten a fresh bag of “Song-bird Mix” for the flocks out-side, and I wanted to get it “separated” for them, this morning. So, whilst Yonah listened to his song-birds and was flying ALL round his room, I went to the kitchen to get busy. Just to note, I “separate” the “Audubon Park” mix into the smaller seeds, for the doves and smaller birds in the yard, and the larger seeds, sun-flower with shells, canola, and peanuts for the jays and cardinals. Each little group has their own “platform” from which to eat too. And, because it was his “first food” here, I put aside a large jar-full of the smaller seeds to mix with his other food. He enjoys it, and with the other mixes, it's healthy for him. The rest of the contents are then put into plastic juice jugs... two for the smaller seeds and two for the larger. (The jugs are better than the bag anyway, because they're “mouse-proof” and they seal better, to keep the contents fresher, longer. Not to mention, it makes pouring portions MUCH easier, as well.) Anyway... I put out the large bowls: one for the first “sifting”, where the smaller seeds are collected as I sift, the second bowl is for the larger seeds and some of the smaller as well. There's a third bowl where I sift the smaller seeds a second time, to remove as much of the larger seeds and the sun-flower seeds because they're in shells and Yonah wouldn't be able to eat them. HIS seeds get sifted thrice, to get as much of the smaller seeds as possible with-out the ones too large for him to eat. And there's cracked corn in there too, and much of that is just too big for him to swallow so that's separated as well. THIS morning though, I did something “extra”: in the “larger” seeds, there's corn and canola and flax and such, so today, I made an extra “sifting” to get as much and many of that as I possibly could... for Yonah. And when I'd gotten a small bowl-full, I put them all through the grinder that I use for his oats, peanuts and sun-flower seed hearts. It made quite a nice quantity which I put aside for him. All the rest went into respective jugs for the flocks in the yard. Well today, Mr. Taube has quite the “holiday feast”. (I wouldn't give him this mix too often, because of the higher protein and fat content which he doesn't really need, since he's not flying about any great distances and he doesn't have to fend against the cold and damp.) Today, I mixed 15ml (1 tablespoon) each, of his “regular mix”, the ground seeds from this morning, ground sun-flower seeds, ground peanuts. It made quite enough for today's “meals” and then some. I'd no sooner put the food into his house, on his little “platform” where he likes to go to eat, and... HE WAS RIGHT INTO IT! AND... THROUGH THE DAY, HE ATE EVER-SO WELL! SO... HE TRULY ENJOYED IT! (And I, of course, enjoy knowing that he's eating well.) There isn't much that I can give him, and there really isn't much that he needs (and with his house and such, I made CERTAIN that there's precious little that he could ever “need”), but, at least today, he got quite a lovely meal. NOW THEN... CAME ANOTHER BIT OF A SURPRISE, AFTER THE “KITCHEN VISIT”... AS I WAS SITTING AT THE WORK TABLE, JOTTING TODAY'S JOURNAL, BIRD-SONGS AND RADIO ON... THE HOUSE, QUITE STILL... I HEARD... “SPLASHING” !!! YONAH WAS IN HIS POOL! IT'S 1° OUT-SIDE, (15.30 in the after-noon!), GREY, THERE'S A LIGHT FROZEN DRIZZLE FALLING AND... *SPLASH*! YONAH'S IN THE POOL ! AND WHAT A TIME HE HAD IN IT TOO ! (Of course, the temperature in his room is 21°... the lowest I'll allow it to get for him.) WHAT A DELIGHT ! (For BOTH of us, I'm sure!) A KITCHEN VISIT ! SEEING HIM EAT SO HEARTILY ! A SPLASH IN THE POOL ! AND THEN... A NICE FEATHER-FLUFFING AS HE PERCHED ON HIS DOOR PERCH, IN THE RISING WARMTH FROM HIS RADIATOR BELOW. NOW... I DEFY ANYBODY AND EVERYBODY TO GIVE A BETTER “CHRISTMAS” THAN THIS !!! It REALLY has been a TRULY MAGNIFICENT day! |
Sun.26.Dec: 13.00 ON THE MARK! Earlier than I'd thought but later than I'd like. - But it's been a rather “full” morning (OK, I'm trying to make me feel better about it but...). - To begin with, let me just make a note here:
TODAY... THERE'S AN “OIL SLICK” ON THE WATER THAT'S DRAINING ACROSS THE FRONT OF THE HOUSE. IT SEEMS TO BE COMING UP FROM THE PAVEMENT WHERE THE OIL GAS PUMPS USED TO BE. I'VE TRIED, ON-LINE, TO FIND A PLACE OUT OF ELIZABETHOWN WHERE I CAN HAVE THE TAP WATER TESTED FOR FUEL BUT... THIS SHIT-HOLE BEING WHAT IT IS, THERE ARE ABOUT 5 DIFFERENT WEB-SITES WITH “INFORMATION” ON THEM AND THE LINKS THAT SEEM APPROPRIATE ARE JUST FULL OF MORE “WHAT YOU SHOULD DO” AND ADVICE TO “TEST YOUR WATER”. I KNOW THERE ARE PLACES, GOVERNMENT, STATE-LEVEL, EVEN COUNTY-LEVEL, THAT WILL TEST WATER FOR FREE BUT... IT APPEARS I'M GOING TO HAVE TO CALL SOME-WHERE TO GET INFO. I'M MOST SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING TODDLING UP TO THE DEMINGS, UP THE MAIN, WITH THE PHOTO I'VE TAKE THIS MORNING OF IT AND SAYING “YOU'RE ON THE SAME WATER LINE, AND IT HAS TO PASS THE HOUSE SO I THOUGHT I'D RUN THIS PAST YOU.” THEN AGAIN... WHAT-EVER. I JUST DO NOT WANT THAT BLOODY MASS-HOLE INVOLVED BECAUSE I'M SURE, WITH ALL CERTAINTY, HE'LL FUCK ABOUT WITH HIS CRONIES AND I'LL END-UP GETTING THE SHIT END OF IT ALL! MY *ONLY* CONCERN: YONAH GETS THAT WATER TO BATHE AND DRINK! AND SHOULD ANYTHING “UNTOWARD” HAPPEN TO HIM... WELL... THEY'LL FIND MY DAMNED AND ROASTED REMAINS IN THE ASH THAT WILL HAVE BEEN THIS SHIT-BOX!
OK... So.. that “recorded” today... it was another one of those mornings where I would have liked to stay 'neath the covers.. I was in and out of the shower last night, but as soon as I got into the bed, tired as I was, I didn't want to go to sleep... I actually wasted time “playing with the old ATT phone”! Even to the point of playing 2 of the “games” that came with... that I've never liked... and didn't get to lights-out until after 23.00! - TWO CONTRACTIONS during the night that required getting up... strolling to the loo! FUCK ME! - Next thing I saw was the clock: “5.55” this morning. I'd set the 6.00 and 6.30 alarms but... there I was, awake. So, when the 6.00 alarm sounded, I got up. “Morning routine” for me... and I put the other hoodie in the basin. I still have to make a list of what and how and when to wash other things in this place the coming week! Anyway... time rolled and the hoodie soaked and...
7.31... MORNING CALL! WOW! ON THE “OLD SCHEDULE”! SO, of course, ALL else stopped and it was “LOVIN' TIME WITH YONAH” who was quite quiet as I went about HIS “morning routine”. BUT... to be honest, he's been quite active during the day... BUT... AS I WAS JUST SITTING HERE, TYPING, I HEARD HIM FLYING ABOUT AND I TURNED TO FIND HIM ON THE RADIATOR! NOT THE “FINS”, THE SLIGHTLY “COOLER” AND OVER THE SWITCH, BUT... IT'S WARM ENOUGH! AND THANKFULLY, I KNOW THAT THEY DON'T HAVE MUCH SENSATION IN THEIR FEET SO I GOT HIM OFF OF THE THING! HIS FEET SEEM TO BE FINE. HE'S BOPPING ABOUT AND THERE'S NO SIGNS OF INJURY! JEEZUS! RIGHT NOW HE'S STANDING ON THE “DIXIE BLANKET” ON THE FUTON... SLIGHTLY “FLUFFED” BUT... STANDING. I'LL BE CHECKING... OH WILL I EVER BE CHECKING!
OK! So, back to the morning.... I DID put the “new ground seeds” into a jar, and labelled the others... Peanuts, Sun-flower, and such. Soaking the “salsa” jars with “50/50 vinegar and water” over-night REALLY took the odour of salsa out of the glass AND actually removed the “trace colour” on the lids! So, there's another jar on the “soak”. - And... In other “news”... I DID manage to get rid of 6 eggs this morning... made the dumplings. Three “servings” in the freezer. I REALLY wasn't much in the mood, but once I got started, it just moved along. I'm “wondering” about the hob though. It doesn't seem to be getting as hot as quickly and not staying as hot as long. And I'm planning on a pot roast for New Year! It WOULD be “my existence” for it to go “wrong” JUST NOW, when I can least afford another... OK. So I just checked and they're 79,95, deliverable by Wednesday. There's a little int he savings but... NO! NOT NOW! Still, I managed to get the dumplings done and so... there we have it. - Not “bad”, really, I don't suppose. The hoodie is on the rack in the shower, the dumplings are done and in the freezer, Yonah's foods are nicely stored in the fridge. I took my mid-days at just before noon. And all the “washing-up” is done and all is back where it belongs. The house is... almost... in order. I still have to take the garbage out, ought to check the truck after all the cold and damp, want to put the “shades” into the garage (just to get them out of the house... I'm not using them and they're just taking space that I don't have to spare and I don't give a shit about whether or not the garage is a good place for them, I don't have any more shits or fucks to give about much of anything that concerns this shit-box). - Speaking of this shit-box... There hasn't been ANY sound coming from next-door from since Friday morning and last night, I'd stepped out onto the back gallery and noticed Gordie on the kitchen counter just inside the back door! I don't know if anybody's there, don't want to dare to go check. And I see no reason why she'd leave him alone like that, but then, I can see her doing it. And today, the roads are fine... perfectly-so. I know it's none of my business, but it is if that poor little cat is over there, suffering or even “uncomfortable”. She claims he was feral and she took him in. Well... we don't have to get into how I feel about that! (My heart still aches when I think of Mimou... and wonder how he is these days... and that I wouldn't put it past that old thing over there to ignore him or even “abuse”. I have to stop thinking about it for the moment.) Anyway, it HAS been delightfully calm and quiet, but NOT at the expense of Gordie! Fuck! - 13.45 already! Time is slipping away! Fuck! I need to get to Yonah's Journal and make my “washing list” for the week. Tomorrow, I NEED to get started with it all too. - I want to have a lie-down too, but I need to figure what to do with/about the radiator now... that “mesh screen”? I have to figure out “how” to use it. It's perfect in a way, but if IT gets too warm... well... and I don't want to turn the radiator off now either. I COULD make a little something with the old-fashioned “grille”... that's a trip to Plattsburgh and that's not happening today... especially not at this hour. Imagine: I wouldn't get there until 14.45... give it 30 minutes at Lowes (IF they even have the stuff) and then back... 16.00! And I WOULD (I feel) HAVE to turn the radiator off for that time... Yonah's room would cool! - Which reminds: I NEED TO CHECK THE OIL! I'm not getting any before Monday-week anyway, so I need to know what's there! I'm dreading January-February (and March too, for that matter). Well? Maybe this year I'll “learn the 'emergency'”. After all... I have nothing to do with the price of oil now... and it would do them good to HAVE to find a way to keep me from freezing to death. Shit-fux. - 18.35 Just a passing note: This after-noon at about 14.00, I was on the futon with Yonah when I heard all sorts of “goings-on” next door... I figured it's back... but I'm just in from a “smoke” and a “stroll” round to the side of the house and the only light on in there is the little one in the kitchen. It's NOT back! Hmmm... What BOTHERS me about this is that Gordie's over there! Or, so I believe. ALONE AGAIN! Now, I wonder: is it staying in Keene with the daughter, or did it go back to VT to visit and stay a while, or... “complications” from the surgeries? Hospital? Well, in any case, obviously it's none of my business so... Now, it's birthday is Tuesday-week (same day Joan died). One just ponders... and that's all one will do. Meanwhile, I'm just thinking about Gordie. AGAIN, ANOTHER ONE leaves a poor Little One alone in that flat, in the cold. Makes me sick! - 22.19 BACK-UPS ARE COMPLETE! SERVERS AND PHOTOS AND ALL SORTS OF SHIT! I'M SO TIRED AND SO VERY MUCH LATER THAN I WANTED TO BE! AND -16° TONIGHT! OH JUST JOLLY FUCK! And the furnace is set at 65F... FUKKIT! This house is NOT going to “take the chill” just yet! - I have a SHIT-LOAD of “catching-up” with this journalling tomorrow and WASHING STARTS TOO! Hopefully, I'll be up early enough to get SOMETHING on the lines! We'll see when w get there. - I'm just SO relieved to have the back-ups done! Might do another on Friday night... or maybe I'll do it on Saturday... for the “new year”... We shall see when we get there too. BUT ALL OF YONAH'S PHOTOS ARE ON SeaGates... THE 500G AND THE 1T! I'M NOT RISKING LOSING ANY OF THEM! And there's a shit-load of other photos that need to be “cleaned-up” and “cleaned-out”. But... right now... off to bed. A shower would be nice but... never mind...
Mon.27.Dec: 7.33 The “canvas” and sheet from Yonah's futon are on the line! I don't know HOW, but they are. I woke, just before the 6.00 alarm, and as I pondered getting up... CONTRACTION! I WAS UP! No choice. So... got right into the tasks and chores. Also got Yonah's egg shells crushed. And now, suddenly, feeling some-what nauseated for no apparent reason. Anyway... waiting for “the call”... waiting for the call. - Today? Catch-up with Journals, mostly. And I should get to the bed-room. There are things I believe will be going to the skip... tomorrow, should “Life” be “kind” and the truck is rolling properly. I've 5 days in which to get “all” done and some-how, it seems “too easy” this year, though the “timing” is a bit of a quandary. I don't recall how I've done it in years past. Then again... in years past, for most of them, there was only 1 room. Isn't it odd? Here, there are 2 bed-rooms... the last time I had that was on Valentine av. I can remember the flat and “TJ” and the “robbery”, Margie Bopp, the washing on the roof, the short-wave in the morning... Viv, mother, Al... “morning routine” there, but not how I managed to get the rooms done on the new year. AND... THIS place seems smaller (which, in fact, square footage, most-likely is) but more difficult to “plan”. Or, maybe it's just that I'm “that old” now. I don't know... no sense fixating. But I'll be spending as much time as is humanly possible with Yonah today... that's the only certainty. - Now... to coffee and we'll see how the day rolls. Hopefully the “lavage” will dry... and not just freeze... which is more as I expect. - 8.13 MOURNING CALL !!! MYHEART-AND-SOUL IS AWAKE! I should be ashamed... I lost track of the time! BUT HE'S UP, AWAKE AND READY TO TAKE ON THE DAY !!! MY heart is full, my soul is ALIVE! - 11.15 GLIMMA ARRIVED! HUGE BOX! SO MUCH OF THAT PAPER WRAPPING TOO! BUT “HEAT” IS IN THE HOUSE! And I've just come in from checking today's post... empty... thankfully. - CHECKED THE OIL TOO! *AT HALF* !!! WE'RE DOING VERY WELL WITH THE OIL SITUATION. THAT WAS SUCH A RELIEF! Now.. to hold it at the rate it's going... I still dread February! But for now... we're not freezing and there's single digits in the week's forecast... and no “minuses” during the day. And even at night, minuses, but single digits. PLEASE! HOLD ON TO THAT! - And I''m doing well with the washing. Now, to plan the rest of the week with it and what gets done when so that on Friday night... ALL is settled. - And I DO believe there's still nobody next door. BUT... SOMEBODY PUT SAND ON HER BACK WALK. (Of course, nothing being done for me... but then again... you know... FUKKEM!) - 18.55 The day is DONE! I don't bloody believe it! I took ONE snooze today... I THOUGHT I wasn't wasting any time but now, it appears SOMETHING managed to slip by during the day! - The canvas and sheet are still on the line... frozen, and that's where they're staying the night. They're NOT going to thaw out there, and over-night isn't going to hurt them any. But I DID get the little towels on Yonah's futon washed... AND DRIED AND REPLACED! So there's that. - As for the rest of the day? Well, there was much PLAY-time... WITH YONAH, of course. He's in such an “affectionate” mood of late! And it's PURE DELIGHT to heat and soul. I've done the water changes, the FullSpec light is off and he's on his roof. - I'm trying another terracotta in the kitchen tonight... 4 tea-lights in this one with a potential of 5. Monday's “HIGH” is expected to be... MINUS 11 !!! and the LOW... MINUS 13 !!! So it's going to be one of those days where, if the house is going to “take a chill”... THAT'S going to be the day! And with a half tank of oil right now... I'm taking NO chances! This house is going to be tea-lights for the day! (Loard help us come February at this point. But, we made it through last year... on only 2 deliveries. Let's see what we can SQUEEZE out of THIS year. And... if the oil goes too quickly, I'll just call and ask about the “Emergency” and... be disgusted anyway. - OK... - 19.01 Musics off and Yonah's back in his house. Looks like it's getting to the time where we “close shoppe”. Ah... he's having a drink of water... from the pool, of course. I'm SO relieved that the water is fresh! And now... he's on his door perch. Time for some cuddles... - 19.54 Yonah is tucked-in for the night... the furnace is running... set at 62F! SHIT! Thankfully, for the next few days, 0 and 2°for the highs and single-digit minus lows. That'll save a bit. - And the terracotta in the kitchen? Well, it's “hot”. I don't know that it'll make a lot of difference but ANY extra heat at this point. And there's 500-plus tea-lights in the living-room waiting (and another 100 if I dip into the “Chanukah” set... 600 tea-lights... now to figure out where to put them all... but that's not... I HOPE... until February). - Yonah's Journal is current and I still have a bit of yesterday to “fill in”. Truth be told, I'm tired... really tired. - Truth be told, I'm beginning to wonder WTAF is WRONG with me of late! No matter how much or little, how well or poorly I sleep at night, the days are “heavy” with fatigue. And that oil slick out front doesn't make me any happier... the stench of oil from the furnace... well... One thing for certain... KEEP LOOKING FOR ANOTHER PLACE! - 20.22 SEEMS THE TRASH HAS RETURNED AND OF COURSE, MUST LET THE ENTIRE FUCKING STATE KNOW... THWACKING THE BACK DOOR, THUMPING ON THE FLOORS. AT THIS FUCKING HOUR OF THE NIGHT! And I'm looking at the flats... and Black River is still listed... - 21.01 Well... the house has gone quiet, thankfully, after the usual “THUMP” on the kitchen wall a little while ago. - Black River... 3 hours of driving... not sure. Oh well... - 21.06 I FEEL as if it were 23.06! BUT... this journal is caught-up and so... I'm off to post to server before I just lose interest. - HEY! Sunday was -16° and we made it through that! It's just the -11° for a “high”... Oh well. - And the kitchen terracotta is still burning so that's nice. I don't really “feel the warmth” but there's 4 tea-lights in it so it must be doing “a little” something. And, if/when it gets colder... I'll just start lighting more. This place will glow! (And to think... I can't have a wood-stove. Oh well... Mass-hole's accustomed to renting to shit. I really need to step out and let him give New Russia what they're comfy with...) - On to the servers, a bit of Brit and to bed. I have MORE washing to get done tomorrow morning! (And trying to figure what to do with today's which will be, no doubt, frozen solid.) - And I'd LIKE to get to the dump tomorrow... perhaps the market as well. Sadly, FamDoll too... ONE pack though... (I have to check the accounts now... THERE'S a depression happening... Oh well. - At least Yonah's still calm and quiet... AND THINGS HAD BETTER STAY THAT WAY! - (Quick note: I'm rather surprised nobody's mentioned that I haven't shovelled the old thing out. Oh... but THAT'LL be quite the “do” should anybody dare. But it appears “Mayor McFuknuts” is “taking care of her”... “Bless his hart”... as they say.) - 22.43 I AM SO THROUGH WITH THIS DAY! (Especially since THAT THING is back.) But, there's much to be done tomorrow... here's hoping for a NIGHT OF SLEEP... PREFERABLY *RESTFUL* AND A PROPER START TO THE DAY TOMORROW! (J'm'amuse... fuck.)
Tue.28.Dec: 8.27 “Morning Call” at 7.51 this morning! But it's -1°/-5° out there and there's a “crispness” in the air so, in spite of the “blue” in the sky, there's no particular rush to get on with the day too soon. And this morning's “greeting” wasn't quite as “cozy” as the past couple of days. And, no sooner had I done with “morning routine”... up to the top shelf on the wall. BUT, at least my little Heart-and-Soul is healthy, and has the energy to take flight first thing. Now, where we go with the rest of this day? - I'm in a bit of a quandary, wondering what next to get to in prep for Friday. But, let me just add that I actually slept through last night, amazingly. Woke at about 6.00 this morning, in spite of having, some-how, turned the volume off on the alarm! And were it not for needing to get to the loo, I'd've just stayed in the bed, to be honest. But, loo-call was “urgent” and, once up and out of bed... - Internet is done for the morning. The house is a “damp-chilly”. It's the “damp” that I don't like, and neither does this old body. - OF NOTE THIS MORNING: Last night I'd soaked the “Aoop” kettle with vinegar-water and this morning, rinsed and dried it. And just out of curiosity, I gave it another “try”... plugged it in and flipped the switch... IT WORKED! I really want to find out what's wrong with it now. Not that I'll use it regularly again, but... and when I looked for it on-line, the ONLY place that HAD it is Sears... but, it's “Temporarily Unavailable” at this time. SURE... because I LIKE IT! Oh well. But that it came right on... There's GOT to be a way to repair it. Something for me to “occupy some time”... in future. - Meanwhile... I have to get to cleaning the bed-room, see what I can “toss”. HOPEFULLY, I'll make it to the skip today... though I'm not feeling pressured. But I DO ought to start the truck and give it a roll... It's been COLD and DAMP and WET and... - Oh... and SUNDAY... -16 with a “chill” of -21 !!! HERE WE GO! - But there are things to attend now so... (I'm ready for a lie-down.) - 16.15 BED-ROOM !!! FROM 11.30 UNTIL 15.FUCKING.00 !!! AND I'M NOT “THRILLED” WITH THE CLEANING AND ARRANGING BUT... IT'S CLEAN AND ARRANGED! AND I'M JUST FED-UP WITH IT ALL. But the garage is out. Just boxes. And I'm HOPING the skip is open on Thursday, but not counting on it. DOLTS! And there we have it. And the cause for my dissatisfaction with this day... NO TIME WITH YONAH! But I'm at the work table now... for a while and... there. - OH... and the blankets I did YESTERDAY? STILL DAMP! The sheet is on a rod in the bed-room door, the canvas is on the rack in the living-room. - 20.07 I've already taken “night pills” and I'm SO SO SO TIRED! - The “flannel” sheet finally dried, having in the bed-room door-way this evening. The canvas is still too damp to fold. But they're CLEAN! (And I have the “Dixie flannel” on the kitchen chair for tomorrow morning's washing. Yonah's sheet and pillow cases to follow. Thankfully tomorrow's still only Wednesday.) - And the bed-room is as “settled” and “prepared” as it will be, short of washing those bed-sheets. And I have to figure how to wash my jeans and such. I've a feeling Thursday is going to be hectic, and Friday... nothing but Hoovering... (I HOPE !!!) - And “meal” went quickly again, this evening so to spend time with Yonah who, I dare say, was all but abandoned during the day. BUT... TRUTH BE TOLD, HE CALLED ME AS I WAS WORKING IN THE BED-ROOM AND EVERY TIME HE DID, I WENT IN TO SEE HIM AND SPEND TIME WITH HIM. HE'S SO AFFECTIONATE THESE DAYS THAT, WELL, I'M EVEN DREADING RUNNING TO MARKET AT SOME POINT (which I thought I'd do today but... AND... I STILL NEED TO CHECK AND START THE TRUCK ANYWAY!) . But, we'll face all that in due course. - It's truly quite sad, to be brutally honest, this year. I just have almost NO interest in this place, in “doing” anything much of any sort, other than just cleaning it properly, MINIMALLY, for the new year. I just have no “heart” for it. I just want OUT of it! I want done with the sick politics of this area, the truly mental illness of the Mass-hole! I want AWAY from that “thing” next-door (who, even as I sit at table typing, is over there “thumping” against the bloody wall)! And this after-noon, some shit-sack(s) came ROARING through the drive, off the hill and sliding off onto the main! I'm fed-up with THAT shit as well! The street light. The dolt who believes him-self to be “Mayor”... the PA “covidiot” across the way... the oil slick out front, the old furnace, the low water pressure... the bloody-fucking back-up from the washer next-door into the loo basin... no bath TUB! And the fucking COLD walls... and cracks I keep seeing in the walls and ceilings. It's all just on my last nerves! But... I do what I feel I ought... until such time when... PLEASE! - That place in Black River sounds so nice, but, as I check, it's right out-side Ft. Drum... and there's an air-strip there! And then, there's the 3-hour drive to go see it. I doubt the truck will handle that well. There's the 1-BR in Willsboro, but there's the trucker who lives ups-stairs and it's only 1 bed-room (Yonah and I would have to “bunk” and I don't like that idea at all... what, with me coughing at night and the contractions getting me up). “IT'S OUT THERE. IT'LL COME.” Deb said about the truck... I have to believe the same for another place. HEY! I NEVER thought I'd get to reside in New Russia! There's that too! - OK... moving along. So the work is rolling along. Thankfully the trash bin was empty so all of that from the kitchen just plopped right in today. The washing is the main concern since the weather is to be cold and not exactly “sunny” through the week. - There's Sunday's -16° with the chill of -20 ahead. But there's oil in the furnace for that... and I had that set at 62F all day and it only JUST kicked for the shortest while a moment ago. And the terracotta in the kitchen seems to work well-enough. Along with the one in the living-room and the little radiators... all will be fine. - But now... it's 20.24 and I want to post today's journals to the servers, have a little “nosh”, figure some sort of “diversional tele”. Was pondering a quick shower but... we'll see how that turns out. - One thing: thankfully, all that “gas” I had last night is gone. I STILL don't know what caused it but... a bit of a BM this morning and... I'll not say. - 22.23 Not bad... not good... just not... and to think... I've been SO exhausted for most of the day. No shower tonight. Oh well... Friday it is, then.
Wed.29.Dec: 6.47 Table cloth, Dixie blanket and loo-floor mat washed. Table cloth and Dixie blanket, on the line. Mat in shower on rod. Me? Already run-down and stomach is “off”. Typical morning. Météo says 0° to be dropping to -1 at about 13.00, and cloudy for most of the day. Fine. Better than -10 and rain. -2/-5 for tonight... 2° with flocons tomorrow (Yonah's sheets?) and 3° with clouds and sun on Friday (bed-linens?). It's the clothes, I have to figure in here. But, even Friday is fine, as long as they're washed. They don't have to be dry. And the kitchen stinks of that “cooking” over the stove. The cupboards are such cheap shit, really, soaking-in the cooking stench. Ah... but... hey... it's a roof, floor, 4 walls... and... MOST IMPORTANT... YONAH IS SAFE, WARM AND SOUND! All else doesn't matter.-
At some point, last night, during which I slept, for the most part, exception of loo-run at 1.33 this morning and then back to bed and right to sleep again... I vaguely recall, this morning, a DREAM:
Can't recall ANY of the particulars but there was a “confrontation” with Mayor McFuknut. Not particularly “violent”, just an exchange of “subtle insults”. I wonder what THAT was about. But, as longs as “they” leave me be...
I DO, of course, anticipate SOME sort of “confrontation” to come... that one, next door, or them, up the main... AND/OR... the Mass-hole. I just have that “feeling” and, looking at history, it seems it's due. We shall see. - Meanwhile... on with the day. And I need to decide about a town-run. 'tis Wednesday... and I'm on the last 2 “7-packs” of smokes. Alas. - 7.00 and... the furnace is running. I don't feel particularly “cold” but then... - Shame, really, how I don't give a shit about this box... other than my own comfort. But hey, were I back in The City, neighbours wouldn't matter. It's the physical building I don't give a shit about... and the constant worry and wondering about the mental stability of those about. Still too, I have to think: if I were in The City, and had a vehicle, the vehicle would be parked on the street, and possibly a bus-ride away. So? So. There's always some kind of bull-shit in the world and that's just how it is. I just never expected this kind of bull-shit... in such a small place. Oh well then... on with the day. - 7.30 (another “mark”) There are guys swinging from the white pines in the back-yard across the road, cutting limbs! Imagine? 7.00 in the morning, the “day-light” has only JUST begun, the sun isn't even up and... “ZOOM-ZOOM-VAROOM!” How “charming” is THAT? - BUT... THIS MORNING'S “EVENT”: had to “rinse” the grass from Yonah's house again... the black flies are “fungus gnats” and, once in the soil, are a pain to get rid of. Thankfully, they're not harmful, but they ARE annoying. Anyway, the one clump of grass split into two and in one clump... A MASSIVE EARTH-WORM! I CAN ONLY WONDER HOW LARGE OR SMALL IT WAS WHEN I BROUGHT THAT GRASS IN BUT IT'S TRULY QUITE LONG! Anyway, it's in the avocado pot now, and I've thoroughly watered that, to soften the soil in the pot so that the worm can find its way down. Strangely though, this morning, I couldn't get myself to touch it. After all the years of handling worms, in gardens, fishing and such, this morning it just felt “repulsive”! WHAT has come over ME? Ah, but then, probably better to not touch it. Sad though, that it was subjected to the cold, running tap water. I'm sorry, little one. Hopefully you'll find comfort in the larger pot now. With all the roots in there, surely you'll have much area to wander about in. (And now my heart aches: another “one”, solitary little being. Well? THIS seems to be the house to be in ... solitary.) - I could use a lie-down now that all the “chores” are attended... until... “the call”, which, at 7.38, I await... MY LITTLE HEART-AND-SOUL! We have a day to take-on... TOGETHER! - 8.54 Yonah is up and about and flying AND WALKING about the place. In fact, I'm just in from a smoke and as I got to the kitchen... THERE HE WAS, IN THE KITCHEN, BY THE TABLE, JUST OUT-SIDE HIS DOOR! He'd walked out... I suspect to check on MY where-abouts. He's becoming QUITE comfy in this old box here and I couldn't be more delighted! - Meanwhile, Ms. Robin was in at 8.34 already! But I went for my smoke anyway. The guys are still working on the trees across the road. It's “damp-chilly” again, this morning. And I'm off to a “lie-down”... There's more work to be done round this box, but... the “important” bits are complete: lavage and “morning routine”. - 10.25 Took a 30-minute snooze and woke... to go into the loo and REPAIR THE STOPPER IN THE BASIN. IT “FUNCTIONS”... AND THAT'S ALL I CAN DO WITH AND ABOUT IT AND ALL THAT CAN BE SAID. HOPEFULLY IT'LL STOP THE FUCKING WASH-WATER FROM SPLASHING ALL OVER THE WALLS! FUCK! - And I just ran a “budget” for January... “AAA” is due next and, well, as it stands right now, I have to “live on” 26$/week until February. This is not so great... And I seem to remember something else that has to be paid in January and it's over 100$... IF that's so, I'll be on a “NEGATIVE” for the month. Hmmmmm..... And that's NOT counting the course for Yonah! Oh well... - Now, to make the cheque for January's rent which will be dropped into the box tomorrow night to go out on the 31st... and hopefully won't make it to MA before the 3rd. And if it does? Well... FUKKIT! I have a “5-day Grace” so if shit-sack-Mass-hole decides to take the money before then, let's take the issue to court! There's the “5-day Grace” that can be allowed and if the money's in the account before then, so be it. I can't really care. - Now, on with the rest of the day... what-ever that involves. - 11.42 Checked today's post... FedLoan CONFIRMS: ZERO PAYMENTS... THROUGH 2023! - 18.37 Meal is done, the table cloth is on the table... YAY! The Dixie blanket is hanging on the rods, in the bed-room door, quite “heavy” wet yet. But... for the most part, the house is settled. Even Yonah's waters are changed, windows closed for the night. AND I MANAGED TO GET TO FamDoll... where, as I walked in, Penny greeted me with “I have to stop thinking about you. I was JUST thinking about you, wondering how you're doing. Are you some kind of mind reader?” Well... Pedro? “Brujo”. What-ever... I'd just gotten to a point, in the house, where I thought “I'm going... NOW!” and so I did. AND, I made it to market... veggies, mostly, ice cream, of course, cream cheese, eggs. (I'll probably have eggs tomorrow night for meal because there's a small chunk of chicken left and on Friday... HOPEFULLY... pot roast. Anyway, made it “there and back” before 14.00! Now, what I did with the rest of the day is just about anybody's guess, but I didn't just sit about, I was moving. - OH! MADE IT IN, THROUGH AND OUT OF MARKET WITH-OUT A MASK AND NOBODY STOPPED ME OR MADE A COMMENT! TELLING, INDEED. - I DID managed to “clean” that shelf in the kitchen, where the bird-foods and such are kept. It was quite “ick” with some sort of something that must have “fallen” when I taped the cup-board above it. Honestly, this place is sickening me. - THAT ran right into meal time! And I threw that together, half-listened to a bit of the news and by 17.45, put the table cloth on the table, arranged and... by 18.00... Yonah's “evening routine”! I'm REALLY TIRED tonight BUT... I MUST SHOWER... I'M DISGUSTING MY-SELF TODAY... NOT NICE AT ALL! - Thinking, as I type to “Note To Self” here: I can wash the bed-linens tomorrow, during the day and tomorrow night, before bed, after Yonah is tucked-in, wash HIS linens. That way, no thought about... poop on the linens. Hopefully... I'll remember tomorrow. (I also want to get to the dump tomorrow... but... if the garbage is in the bin, that's pretty OK too... it's not in the house.) I have to “sage” too! - Oh well. - Right now, Yonah is noshing, I'm at the work table. My lower back and left testicle are sore, for some reason. - Oh, and a bit of “local shit”: The folks across the main have taken down ANOTHER white pine from their back yard. As I said to Robin, this morning: In the colder season, it'll be nice to have the sun shining into the house, but come Summer, it's going to be a bit of murder with the heat. (Personally, I'm hoping I won't be here to face it anyway... HOPING!) - Now... I have to get to Yonah's page for today. MUST keep current with these Journals now! - 20.16 Yonah is tucked-in for the night. The house smells of “sage”... I felt the urge and am following it. Night pills taken. MY FINGER-TIPS ARE SO SORE AGAIN! JUST SO SORE! But, tomorrow... the bed-lines will be washed in the morning, I'll sleep in the sleeping back tomorrow night. Yonah's linens will be washed after I tuck him in tomorrow night. I might hang them on the line over-night or... in the shower. I'll need them on Friday morning, to be sure. - Tomorrow's agenda? Other than the bed linens... general house-work. The bulk is DONE! I'm not going cray in the living-room because, well, the dusting's been done and other than Hoovering, that's about all that gets done or need be done out there. Friday? Pot roast in the morning... washing these clothes I've been wearing for far too long. I'll “dress” on Friday... in something “appropriate”. I've no-where to go or to be... that's that. YONAH'S HOUSE WILL GET A COMPLETE OVER-HAUL. And Friday evening? Meal, washing-up, Yonah's evening routine. I might wait for mid-night and have that martini. (THAT should be interesting... the first alcohol I've had in over a year! Not even a BEER! I should either sleep ever-so well OR... not. What-ever.) And if I don't manage to make it to mid-night? I'll have the martini on Saturday evening... before meal. “Seeing the year in with that “class”... and hoping it carries through. (Not that that matters, really... the ONLY ONLY ONLY thing I DEMAND of 2022 is that, for as long as we're together, YONAH HAS A SAFE, COMFORTABLE, PROTECTIVE PLACE TO CALL HIS “HOME”! AND I'LL SEE TO IT THAT THAT HAPPENS... ONE WAY OR ANOTHER!) - Other-wise, Yonah's Journal is coded, I'm about to do the same with this. A quick “Brit” if I can find one, a dash of ice cream... A SHOWER! and to bed! I'm tired... and my fingers are sore. And tomorrow? Well... that's then. -