February 2022

Wed.02.Feb: 6.53 Heard the 5.00, and didn't get up. Heard the 6.00 and didn't get up. But with the 6.30 HAD to get up, and I'm glad I did because the doves were having their breakfast already at about 6.40... on the “regular clock”. MUST KEEP THAT IN MIND: MOURNING DOVES COME JUST BEFORE THE DAY-LIGHT! Oh... AND I SLEPT THROUGH LAST NIGHT! “Miracles” do happen. - There was a terrible WIND last night! I could hear it “slapping” the plastic covers over the screens. I don't so much concern my-self with the bed-room windows as much as I'm worried about Yonah's windows. I always have these horrid thoughts of knowing how shittily this place is thrown together and the potential of a stiff South wind blowing his windows in. Ah... to be rid of this shit-box and in a place where somebody has a proper sense of responsibility. But... It took a while to get “comfortable” in the bed because of it. Still, at the end of it all I'm still rather amazed... I HAD A NIGHT OF SLEEP-THROUGH !!! - Before bed, for “last smoke”, I was on the front porch, and on the night air, there was a constant, and I mean “constant” “roar”, as if a plane were flying over-head. I wondered: wind in the Keene valley or is the “Roaring Brook” actually “roaring”? Could that much of the mountain ice and snow melted during the day? Doubtful, as it's bound to be much cooler “up there”. But it was quite interesting to hear... the steady, constant, dull “wooshing”. - And as I laid in the bed, the furnace started to run and it made the strangest “rhythmic” noise before kicking-up. I laid there waiting for some kind of “screeching”. Nobody bothers to check and maintain that thing, and I'm expecting a belt of some kind to snap one of these BITTER nights. No heat! Bad enough I have to worry about the oil... on top of it all, I have to be concerned with the general operationality of the damned thing. Yeah... I'm not at all “comfortable” with this situation. Thankfully, Yonah has the radiator, and, if it should come to it, I can put the other radiator in his room as well (via extension cord, of course) and we can both “reside” there-in. What a fuck, this place. And all the while, the Mass-hole is 5 hours away, whining about “I have 5 bed-rooms in this house and I live in only 1 room in Winter.” Yeah? So what? Fuck off. Thank you. - I was still awake at mid-night last night, so chances are, this is going to be a bit of a “dragging day”. I see “snoozes” in the forecast. Well? I'm fortunate in that I have the ability to take them when needed... un-like SO MANY YEARS prior to being here where I wouldn't dare or... in the Shelter.. COULDN'T (unless I headed to a park or the beach... or grabbed a nap on the subway which, as conditions are in The City these days, would be IMPOSSIBLE, lest I woke with a knife in the chest). So I suppose “things” are “better”. Not “perfect”, but better. - I'd thought of washing the bed-linens today... warmer temperatures and such. Nice “line-drying”. But my hands are so cracked and split that it's not worth the pain. OK... there's no particular urgency. After all, I'm the only one sleeping in them and frankly m'dear, I don't have any shits or fucks, never mind a “damn” to give about it. - The plot and plan now it for tomorrow... I'll start the truck today and run it into town, just to market. I don't truly NEED anything but the roll will do the truck better than letting it sit there idling, and tomorrow, I'll head into FamDoll (NEED smokes) and to Aubuchons (the “Yardies” NEED FOOD). I can get “necessities” and again, the roll will do the truck good... I only have to hope it starts and then that it rolls, WITH-OUT INCIDENT, there and back! Ah... “life in The North Country”. But then... THIS is what I dreamt of... as I drove along the Northway... 40-some years ago. I'm not complaining. Merely commenting. I wouldn't exchange it for anything. - I have a LOT of “catch-up” to do today... Journals, THIS ONE in particular, and other such... BUT THAT'S A DAY WITH YONAH! AND *THAT* IS MOST MARVELLOUS! - Mean-while, I still can't get all of the “VT Bull-shit” out of my mind! WHAT A NEAR MISS THAT WAS! With the way those horrors turned out, I COULD have been swept into, well, probably prison! And folks think I'm just “nasty” about it all. Ah, if only I could and would put aside the time and put it all into a nice little “book”. “Suspense and thriller”... or just general fuckery. Never mind... I need to clean it all out of my mind... or... hold the “lesson” and move on. Some say I've lived an “interesting” life... they should only know the “all” of it. But then... it's quite like the broken foot and Ms. Jackie... “You need to be more careful.” Nobody REALLY gives shit nor fuck... useless as the are. But what sticks in the mind is that note of “eviction”... “We think it's best you move on”... OH YES IT WAS BEST! And then the deflated bed, followed by the posts to FB: “He doesn't love me!” LOL... as they say. Hey... “Evil begets evil”. You 2 were attracted to one-another for good and obvious reasons... to provide a well-deserved Hell for each and the other. Meanwhile... it was best that I moved on. Fare well and there it is. I'm not “saint”, certainly not “perfect” in any way, never have been, but perhaps I've done some little something “properly” for some-one along the route of my existence. I'm not “gloating” but any means, I'm just sincerely amazed, and wondering why it was even necessary to have to BE IN those situations. I remember LC saying “It's a good thing you're Jewish and Gay because if you were straight and other-wise, you'd probably be the worst 'supremacist' and a violent Nazi-sort!” And again... LOL... what-ever. Tends to make me ask “WHO” or “WHAT” am I, really? Is this all my “purgatory”? Not that I truly believe in such a nonsense. But it does tend to make for wonder... I don't suppose we'll ever know for certain. And really... it doesn't matter in the “greater scheme of things”. - Interestingly, lately, the song “I'll Fly Away” is stuck in my mind. Yonah... “One bright morning when this life is o'er...” When Yonah departs... I'll be right behind... one way or another... to be sure. - For now... it's on with the day, and Yonah will be awake soon... if Fate has any kindness left for anybody... especially me. - 7.30 on the lap-top clock and... “woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo...hoo-hoo”! “LIfe” begins, “officially” this morning! My little Heart-and-Soul is up and ready to take the day! We'll do this together! YAY US! - 15.50 I DON'T BELIEVE IT BUT... I DID IT! I MADE IT TO THE MARKET AND BACK IN UNDER AN HOUR! The skies are going grey and the winds are picking-up but the thermometer in the truck read 7° when I got into it! And the snows are sliding off the roof-tops all along the way. Ah... but... supposedly, tonight... HELL will break loose. And I'm wondering what tomorrow morning will be at about 9.00 when I head out the door... or... 8.00, if Aubuchon is open at that hour. No telling until we get to it. But the truck started right up and rolled along. I'm just TERRIFIED about the exhaust system at this point. I've precious little-to-no doubt that something of a COSTLY nature, will suddenly drop off... most likely, as I'm en route to some-where I NEED to get to. Oh well... what will happen will happen. - And in town, one of those “illuminated traffic-style” signs flashing “JOB OPENINGS” for Essex County. Once upon a time I would have LUNGED... today? FUKKEM! - AND THE SIGNS “REQUIRING” FACE COVERINGS ARE BACK UP AT THE MARKET! I JUST STROLLED IN, DID MY LITTLE SHOPPING AND WENT ABOUT MY BUSINESS. I WAS ALMOST LOOKING FOR AN ARGUMENT, AND I'M RATHER THANKFUL THAT I DIDN'T GET ONE. NOBODY SPOKE TO ME AT ALL... AND I PREFER IT THAT WAY. - Now... it's time to start meal... At market I got TWO VANILLA PERRY'S, YAY! A bag each, of my veggies, and some chicken. Oh... and a bag of crisps, because I still have “dip”. (How I miss the V-ton evenings but... firstly, I can't afford such a luxury any more and secondly the firstly is... YONAH! I HAVE TO REMAIN HEALTHY! MY LITTLE GUY NEEDS ME! And I NEED HIM! And today... he's been so “COZY”, in between flying all over the place.) - And I Hoovered before I left too... Yonah's room NEEDED... NAY... DEMANDED. HE'S TOSSING MOSSES AGAIN. “tis the season, I suppose. - I need a shower! I stink! And I don't know why, but I do. OK... tonight.. -
OF PARTICULAR NOTE: YONAH CAME INTO THE KITCHEN TODAY, LOOKING FOR ME ! NOT JUST A “FLY-THROUGH”... HE LITERALLY WALKED INTO THE KITCHEN, AS I WAS GETTING GROCERIES AND SUCH DONE ! HE'S BEEN SO ACTIVE ALL DAY BUT TO COME TO THE KITCHEN? HE'S GETTING SO COMFY IN THE HOUSE, AT LAST! BUT WHAT AN ABSOLUTE THRILL IT WAS, FOR ME, TO SEE HIM THERE. OH, BUT INDEED... IT APPEARS WE ARE... WHAT THEY CALL... “BONDED”! I'M JUST REALLY RATHER QUITE ASTONISHED AT HOW “BUSY”, “ACTIVE” HE'S BECOME OF LATE. COULD IT BE THAT “SPRING” HAS GOTTEN TO HIM ALREADY? WHAT-EVER THE CAUSE... IT'S ALMOST BREATH-TAKING!
20.50 The snows are falling off the roof and making BOOMS and I'm hoping it doesn't startle Yonah through the night. The noise startles me, and I'm aware of what's going on, but he'll be in the room, in the dark, tonight. And too... never mind that I don't trust that entire wall... between the drooping lentil for the cellar door and god-only knows WHAT THE FUCK OTHER PARTS OF THIS SHIT-BOX ARE READY TO GIVE... Yonah was tucked-in at 19.15 again tonight... Poor Little Guy! SO BUSY today! He MUST be quite tired! WHAT A LOVE! - That “Lincare” truck that used to come to Joan was here today... I wonder if that old thing over there is truly “ill” and if so... what it's got! Do I “care”? Only for Yonah's sake. Other-wise... “she has her spore” and I've been disrespected so she can fend for herself. (I wonder if I have her number blocked... I believe I gave her the 40517 which rings on the house now... what-ever... if she calls... I can't help. Call your brat and she can come blow smoke in YOUR house. Honestly!) - All told, said and done, today was actually a BEAUTIFUL day.. WITH YONAH. MOST of it was together, so I'm “at peace” tonight. - Daily meal this evening was more pasta, with veg and black eye peas. One would think I've gone “vegan”, but it's food, it's healthy, it's nutritious... I SHOULD be feeling at the top of the world... instead of all these little aches, pains and discomforts. Oh well... I've beaten this old body over the past 67 years... and when I was beating it... the old man was quite adept at it. No surprise I'm falling apart... at last. - But I MUST prep the chicken that's in the fridge... tomorrow... if we have the threatened storm, it'll be a nice way to pass some time, and cooking will... well, no it won't. That oven doesn't heat the house (which is good for the oven and not-so-much for the house). But it WILL pass the time and the house will smell of “cooking”... How “homey”. Shit. - I'm SO SO SO TIRED now... and SO SO SO far behind in THIS Journal. I'm keeping Yonah's to date. “People” are seeing his. This one? Who knows if it will EVER be seen.. not that I care. It's just fun to have when I want to “look back” So for this one, there's always “tomorrow”... IF there is a tomorrow. Yonah's site is current... that's all that truly matters. - Just checking... the claim is that the temperature out there is currently PLUS FOUR! There's a “chill” of -1 though... Imagine that! That warm at this hour and in THIS month! Radar shows that the “snows” should be arriving at about 21.50, breaking at mid-night and then back at about 2.30. But it's rain to the South so... Flocons until 10.00 tomorrow. The cold will be back on Friday night... SHIT! Then heading for -19 on Saturday night... Oh well... I should check the oil tomorrow... “EMERGENCY” this year... FUKKEM! I'm just expecting to hear “We just don't have any money in the fund.” But I doubt they can simply let people freeze! Although it's been done... We shall see what we shall see when and if we see it - For now... Off to a nosh (which I shouldn't but will) and then off to bed. I didn't wash the bed linens... should have but... my hands are SO CRACKED! Oh well... there's still “time”. And if need... I'll hang in the house... and put up the heat (EMERGENCY fuck) - 22.33 OK. This ain't “early” and it really ain't all that “civil”, but it still ain't mid-night. I'm off to bed! And LET THE CONTRACTIONS COMMENCE... no doubt... fuck me.

Thu.03.Feb: 5.33 WITH THE EXCEPTION OF THE ALARM AT 5.00... MY HEAD HIT THE PILLOW LAST NIGHT AND I WAS “OUT”... AND MANAGED TO SLEEP THROUGH! WONDERS AND MIRACLES... AND I'LL PAY FOR ALL OF IT SOON, NO DOUBT. BUT... for now... here I am and on with... Bill-paying and YONAH'S SHOPPING! I'm just waiting, at the moment... I remember being told that Soc.Sec. posts at 6.00 on the day... There's no particular “rush”, since, I'll post payments, the money will instantly disappear... but if I try to post too early... they'll post it as an over-draft... 35-50$ in somebody esle's pocket and... fuck that this morning... Meanwhile... I'm up and coffee's on and... - 7.25 BILLS AND SHOPPING DONE! And the roads are just WET! THANK YOU! No snow... just wet and drizzly this morning. MAYBE these old mountains will “protect” us and the “storm” will be buffeted. (?) One can wonder... and one does. - BUT HEY HEY HEY HEY !!!! HEY... ! SHOPPING... YONAH'S FOOD, THE EGGS, THE DOVES *AND* VITAMINS FROM WALMARDE... ON THE NEW INSURANCE CARD! VIT.D, BIOTINE, C 1000 X 2 BOTTLES OF 250 EACH! AND A BOTTLE OF “SELSUN BLUE” SHAMPOO (I didn't look for anything better... like “Neutrogena”... I wasn't even sure that Walmarde would apply the entire list to the card... but... BUT... VITS DUE ON THE 8TH (I'M OUT COMPLETELY EXCEPT THE C) AND SHAMPOO ON THE 11TH... and ALL ON THE NEW “INSURANCE CARD”! I'm just hoping that all the vits aren't loaded with fucking SOY! But I've reason to believe that the biotine is... “gel”, which is a suspension in soy oil. And, I've no doubt, the bloody D is too. Oh... but at the price... I really can't complain, and at least there's SOME benefit to the vitamin aspects... I should think. - 8.27 I went in to “wake” Yonah at 7.30... he was “up”, but the poor Little Guy... I wonder if I'm not just a pain in his feath'ry little bottom, strolling in with my “Good mornings” and “Are you awake?” But, I TRY to be “humble and gentle” and, to be honest, he was awake. It's just that, by a certain hour, my anxieties get to me... wondering if he's OK. I know that, one of these days, I'll go in and... it's inevitable. I just don't want him in there suffering in any fashion. But, this morning? Well... He was up, we got the “morning routine” done and... HE WAS UP, OUT AND ALL ABOUT! One thing I must say: he's better at waking than I am... I may have gotten our shopping done... but I'm not even dressed yet! (Not that there's any rush or reason for getting dressed... yet.) - So... it's time to get me together... and get me on the road'n'roll. To think I thought I'd be out of here at 8.00. Oh... the fucking silliness that is my fading mind. FamDoll and Aubuchon and all that pulls me from the safety and comfort of this shit-box is done... Then back to Yonah's room to book-keeping and where we go from there will be seen when we've done with the day. At least I won't be in 3 metres of snow... nor, does it seem, any ice! OK then... Enough of this shit! Time to ROLL! - 10.14 DONE with the RUNNING The roads are just wet. The temperature claim is 2°. - I happened to notice, whilst leaving Aubuchon's... GAS at the Bandits' General (“Stewart's) is BACK UP TO 3,799$! FUCK! 20 CENTS IN A MATTER OF MOMENTS! This is nothing but thievery. But then again... there's the dolts and their 15$ “minimum wage” bull-shit... AND... I DID call this... when the “minimum wage” shit-show began. If nothing else, these shit-sacks make death look SO attractive! I mean, things were rough when I was young... and I'm sure Oma wasn't too thrilled... after all, she'd seen the same shit happening. I remember her saying “Always keep 5$ to the side so you can get a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs and some milk” and I said to her “You'd be lucky to get 2 of those with that 5!” Now? Today? A fiver is worth less than a single was back then! I'm just sick and tired of it all... but, me, alone... there's nothing I can do about it... Besides, if I were to “fight the fight” by the time it might make ANY difference... I'll be dead, dead and not even a memory. So? Hey, I don't recycle, I don't give a shit about “the children”... “The children” will be living in the Hell they're creating and... so be it. That's how Creation rolls. Far be it from me to interfere... in ANY way. - AND... “Yardie” food is now about 21$... THAT'S UP FROM 16$ (tax incl.) WHEN I STARTED GETTING IT! AGAIN... FUCK THESE SHIT-SAX! Then too... this is all “money”... and, ultimately, “money” is useless any way. When I'm dead, it won't matter to me whether I have 10¢ or 10 mil$. And as for the “disposal” of my carcass? Let them stew it! (They probably will be, by that time anyway. A whole new twist to the old expressions “Bite my arse” and “Eat me”! Hooduhthunkit?) - BUT... WHEN I CAME BACK IN FROM THE ERRANDS... I GOT TO YONAH'S DOOR, TO LET HIM KNOW THAT I WAS BACK AND HE CAME TO GREET ME AT HIS DOOR! HE KNOWS MY VOICE AND IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL FEELING TO KNOW THAT HE ACTUALLY LOOKS FORWARD TO SEEING ME! AND FROM THE LOOKS OF HIS ROOM... MOSS ALL OVER THE PLACE... HE'S TRULY HAVE QUITE A BUSY DAY OF IT TODAY! OH... THAT'S MY LITTLE GUY... MY LOVE... MY HEART-AND-SOUL! WERE IT NOT FOR “US”... THERE'D BE NO 'ME'... AND WHEN THERE'S NO “HIM”... THERE'LL BE NO “US”. FOR NOW??? THERE'S YONAH... THERE'S ME... THERE'S US... AND IT'S INDESCRIBABLY MAGWONDEROUS! - 14.34 The chicken is in the oven. The new bag of Audubon Park is separated, washing-up is done... It wasn't intentional, to be sure. I just felt that I HAD to get the chicken cooked before it went “sour”... and it does that, quite rapidly for some reason. And the cuts are quite large again. Makes me sick to think of the chicken that came from... It's all “genetically modified”... and there's soy in the feed, for chickens and cows... it's all just poison. But... as I say, at my age... Out-side mean-while, there's a steady, light snow falling... very light, and thankfully it isn't cold... yet. Now, to catch-up with JOURNALS! (IF I can manage to stay awake... I'm my usual... tired... again. THIS TOO needs to stop! This fatigue... constantly, is annoying me and the annoyance is tiring! I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired! - 15.09 OK... started with the Journals, then had the briefest little snooze... with Yonah on shoulder. He was there all through my lie-down today! I'm amazed and wondering why the “closeness”... it's appreciated, to be sure, but it also makes me a little “ill at ease”... Is there a “Fare well... see you soon... on the other side” coming? I can't help but wonder... “Life” has taught me to never trust it. NEVER! - I just put the iPod on... First song to play: “White is in the Winter Night”, Enya”.... and the light snow continues out-side. Ain't it just “romatical” though? (SHIT.) - That snooze took time away... and really wasn't worth the attempt. So... let's see what I can get to now... in less than an hour... BLOODY MEAL TIME AGAIN! THE DAY JUST SLIPS BY TOO QUICKLY! Although I have to give a little credit... SHOPPING IS ALL DONE... BILLS ARE ALL PAID! There's that, in my favour... as if any of it means anything at all to any-one at all for any reason at all... and it doesn't... at all. - 18.23 The chicken turned out nice.... I crushed the bits of crisps and added them to the seasoning. Had it been baked un-covered, it would have been “cripsy”... But, my “teeth”, what I have, are bothering me tonight and the chicken was SO cooked that it simply fell apart. No chewing! YAY! And tasted good. - And now, Yonah's “evening routine” is done, and the back board is up... I'm wondering if he's seeing it as 'seepie-nigh-night”. But we'll see. - “Son of a Preacher Man” on the radio... reminds me of poor Lyle... - I have to get to Yonah' journal now... And this one? It's SO FAR BEHIND... Thankfully, nobody reads it... not even ME... for that matter. -
QUITE A FEW MESSAGES IN THE E-MAIL ALREADY THIS EVENING...YONAH'S FOOD, EGGS AND DOVES ARE SHIPPING! HEY HEY HEY WOO HOO HOO HOO (hoohoohoohoo....) !!! Walmarde's still doing what-ever it is they do, and I'm pretty sure they're in no particular rush... considering the “payment method”. BUT... that's QUICK... AND I'M EXCITED! PRESENTS FOR YONAH! NEXT WEEK WILL BE A LITTLE BUSY! I'll have to make certain to make a clear way to get to the front door... with the snows...
20.01 Yonah's journal and photos to-date. We've had a BUSY day and mine started at 5.00 so... - Yonah seemed a bit ready for seepie-nigh-night already at about 19.05 and by 19.20 he was tucked-in for the night. Well... HE DID have QUITE the busiest of days... he's steadily working on what appears to be a new “nest” in the orange tree pot... back and forth and back and forth, sorting through the mosses. I just hope he has a quiet, pleasant, restful night tonight. - I've taken evening pills and that's that. I'm going to have a nosh and to bed! - House stinks of garlic! Bowl of vinegar tonight! - And it's actually snowing now... and no ploughs are coming through. But this morning, in the drizzle, at about 9.30-ish they rolled through. Fuktardz. - I'm tired... of so much too much nonsense. - 22.20 There's easily a foot of snow out there now... and the road is no-where to be seen under it! Fucking fuktardz... really! This morning, in a light drizzle of rain, they were rolling up and down the place.... Comes the snow and they're gone. Accumulations, and they don't exist. Hopeless, worthless... and none of my concern. What-ever they leave for morning... and at the rate the snow is coming, it won't be pleasant for commuters, to be sure... I'm going to bed! Enough of this!

Fri.04.Feb: 6.12 *** ALL THAT SNOW THAT WE WERE SUPPOSED TO GET YESTERDAY BUT DIDN'T ARRIVED OVER-NIGHT LAST NIGHT, WITH A LITTLE EXTRA DUE TO THE LATE SHIPMENT. AND THE PLOUGHS WENT THROUGH ON THE MAIN, AND SOMEBODY DID THE FRONT LOT FOR THE PEE-OH, OF COURSE AND IT'S HIP-DEEP IN FRONT OF THE FRONT DOOR. I've swept the porch. Shovelling? Well... is to be seen because I'll no sooner do that and somebody else will come by and plough it all back again. AND THE TRAY ON THE BACK GALLERY WAS COVERED IN SNOW! AND WHEN I SHOOK IT INTO THE FENCED AREA, IT HAD BEEN FULL OF FOOD! SO, THERE'S FOOD ON THE GROUND, I PUT MORE ON THE TRAY. THERE'S QUITE A BIT OUT THERE TO BE EATEN RIGHT NOW. HOPEFULLY WHAT'S ON THE GROUND DOESN'T GET “MUSHY”... THERE'S A LOT OF PEANUTS AND SUN-FLOWER SEEDS IN THERE! OH WELL... I'VE HAD COFFEE, A SMOKE AS I SWEPT. IT'S TOO FUCKING SOON AFTER RISING FROM BED FOR ALL OF THAT SHIT. AND THEN THERE'S THE ANXIETY OF HAVING TO SHOVEL MORE... AND... I'LL HAVE TO GET TO THE TRUCK. - OK... all things in due course. - NOT TO MENTION... THE RAMP FOR THE PEE-OH IS COVERED TOO. GEE... WHERE MAYOR McFUKTARD? WHERE ARE THE “CONCERNED VILLAGERS”? There's SO much of me that wants to simply ignore that all, and a little bit that wants to figure how to shovel “just enough” so Robin can get through... Well? It's only 6.19, I've coffee to be had and ponder... Fukshitz. - 7.15 The snow is still falling. The state plough was through once... South-bound only. Oh well... and alas. BUT THE DOVES HAVE COME FOR BREAKFAST! All's well. - 7.49 I'm catching up with back days here and the snow is still falling and nobody's been round to plough out front and Yonah hasn't called... I'm going in... as it were... “nervous and anxious”. BUT... E-MAILS ARE LOADED WITH “SHIPPED” !!! EVERYTHING! I'M EXCITED ABOUT THAT! YONAH'S SHOPPING IS ON ITS WAY !!!! - 8.36 WELL! I went in to Yonah's room at 7.49 and... he WAS up and awake and... we're now done with “morning routine” and he's already on the shelving under his house! Not really “chatty” this morning, but obviously he has some sort of “agenda”... and a large part of it is to be “close” because, I'm at the work table and he's on the chair behind me! The snow is still coming steadily. Little flakes, so it would seem it's not about to let up any time too soon. And the Hill is almost non-existent. The Town Clowns aren't concerned... The main is white, though ploughed at some point, I really can't say that I've noted any passings but, the snow is falling so steadily that even the front porch looks as though it's not been attended. Meanwhile, I'm just waiting for the village idiots to appear at the pee-oh, whining and bitching because it isn't open (yet). Personally, I'm thinking that, if the Hill hasn't been cleared, I doubt the back roads to Mineville have been addressed. And since the main isn't being “swept to the pavement”, I doubt the 9N is being touched. That said... I don't expect Robin to make an effort at opening. (Oddly, I opened Cragsmoor in MUCH harder conditions... and even Sheldon Creek. But that's me... and they're not me and I'm not them and...) I'm also expecting a phone call, as would regard my not having “cleared the ramp” to the pee-oh. Oh well then... - THE IMPORTANT MATTER IS THAT YONAH IS UP AND ABOUT AND WE'RE TOGETHER AND I'M IN HIS ROOM... THE TERRACOTTAS ARE ALIGHT AND THE FURNACE KICKED JUST AS I WENT IN TO YONAH. That's still set at last night's 62F and thus far, Yonah's room is at 22,4 so... we shall see. - This forces me to attend to catch-up on these Journals. Very nice indeed, I suppose. Hey! The “Yardies” have food. Yonah has food and fresh water and company. I could almost just have a lie-down ... Oh my! 8.44 and the Town Clowns are out-side the window on the Hill. Oh my! I, of course, will be barricaded in... front door, drive... now to see who (if any-one) will address the front... the pee-oh... and how. Oh, the 'concerns of The North Country”... fuck. -
8.48 OH JOLLY FUKALL! ROBIN'S HERE, MAYOR McFUKNUTZ IS OUT THERE WITH THE SHOVEL. I POPPED OUT AND SAID TO ROBIN “I DIDN'T THINK YOU'D BOTHER.” SHE ALL BUT SNAPPED “WE HAVE TO. WE DON'T HAVE A CHOICE.” I MERELY SAID “YES YOU DO.” AND I'M BACK IN. FUKKEM... FUKKEMALL, REALLY. HEY! I WALKED TO CRAGSMOOR... SLID TO SHELDON CREEK... BIKED IN THE DELUGE OVER MUDDY OLD DIRT ROADS... I'VE “PAID MY DUES”. LIFE'S A BITCH AND THEN YOU DIE. OH, INDEED... ALAS AND WOE... FUKKIT!
On with my own affairs, already in progress. - 10.17 Working on the catch-up on this Journal... Yonah flying all about... I'd tried for a 30-minute snooze but... And 4 minutes before the alarm... Yonah came to wake me. BUT JUST NOW, SUDDENLY, FOR NO APPARENT REASON... I'M GETTING ONE OF THOSE “OCULAR MIGRANES” !!!!! THIS ONE ISN'T ON THE EDGES THOUGH... IT'S ALMOST DEAD-CENTRE! AND IT'S IN A “>” SHAPE... BOTH EYES TOO! I'VE NO IDEA WHAT BROUGHT IT ON AND TAKING A NAPROXEN WOULD MIGHT STOP IT BUT I DON'T WANT TO TAKE ONE... NOT THROUGH THE DAY... NOT WHEN I HAVE SHOVELLING TO BE DONE SHORTLY. (The snow is supposed to break round about 10.30...) OH... but I suppose I ought to before it gets worse... and so I shall... Thin blood and shovelling. How charming. But then, thin blood... no heart attack of stroke? What-the-fuck-ever. - 10.51 POOR ROBIN! OUT THERE IN THIS SHIT! THE ROADS ARE A MESS. THE FRONT IS PLOUGHED-IN... AND THAT FUKTARD “NANCY” ROLLS UP... AS ROBIN'S TRYING TO CLOSE... WITH “OUT-GOING”... AND... “I DID THIS WRONG SO I HAVE TO DO IT OVER.” WHAT IN FUX NAME? I'M SICK OF IT... OF THEM... OF PEOPLE! - I took a Naproxen for the eyes. And there's SHOVELLING to be done! And I don't want to be bollocksed! I'll shovel and some shit-for-brains will come and plough it all back. Oh well... I need to get me together and get to it... I suppose. But tomorrow... for Robin... I'll have to keep up for her... WHY? Because I'm a moron. - And I'm not really feeling “well enough” for the shovelling, but maybe it'll help... get the circulation going... I'll take it slowly... to be sure. (Gee... wouldn't it be nice... I do the little bit for the fat-sak next door... ah... but others have the “blowers” and ploughs... never mind... FUKKEM... just FUKKEMALL!) - HEY BUT I'M CAUGHT-UP WITH THIS JOURNAL! AT LONG LAST! I'VE MANAGED THAT MUCH TODAY. - AND YONAH? AT HIS DOOR PERCH... RIGHT BESIDE ME... MY INSPIRATION TO SURVIVE.
13.41 FROM 10.45 UNTIL JUST THIS MOMENT... SHOVELLING! THE BLOODY PORCH, THE BLOODY RAMP FOR THE BLOODY PEE-OH... THEN THE BLOODY CELLAR DOOR... THEN RAN THE TRUCK WHILST CLEANING IT OFF AND CLEARING BEING PLOUGHED-IN !!! A LOT OF GAS USED, BUT AT LEAST IT STARTED RIGHT UP AND RAN “SMOODLY” ALL THE WHILE. AND I EVEN RAN THE HEATER TO CLEAN THE WINDSHIELD. BUT I NEED NEW WIPER BLADES NOW. OH WELL... GOOD THING I TOOK THAT NAPROXEN! MY EYES ARE STILL “OFF” AS I TYPE BUT I “WORKED OFF THE MIGRAINE”. SOME-WHAT. BUT... ALL THAT TIME AND THERE'S STILL A LITTLE “FLOCONS” DROPPING AND I'VE NO DOUBT I'LL BE PLOUGHED-IN AGAIN BEFORE THIS IS DONE. FUCKERS. AND, PS: NO I DIDN'T DO THE QUNT'S STOOP. FUKKEM! AND THAT'S THAT FOR THIS. ALL THIS TIME AWAY FROM YONAH... THEY CAN TODDLE OFF TO HELL, AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED. THEY DON'T PAY MY WAY. THEY DON'T CONSIDER ME. SO? SO. NO OBLIGATIONS TO OTHERS ON MY PART. I'M DONE!
Mean-while, I'm just glad it isn't 16.00 yet. I expected it to be close. - 16.32 IT'S STILL SNOWING OUT THERE! AND... my shovelling is almost non-existent! I had to go out a sweep the front porch again, and the space in front for access. PETCO SENT WORD: YONAH'S FOOD IS DUE TO BE DELIVERED TOMORROW ALREADY! I'll HAVE to make sure there's clear access to the porch tomorrow morning!” - I managed to get a 30-minute snooze in... I REALLY NEEDED IT TODAY! I was feeling all sorts of “off” after all that shovelling... not “sore” or “painful”... just not “correct”. So I'd set a 20-minute alarm and had a lie-down on Yonah's futon... AND YONAH MADE HIMSELF MOST COMFY... ON MY TEMPLE! I MEAN... REALLY COMFY... FOR QUITE THE WHILE. And when I dozed-off, he went on about his business until TWO MINUTES BEFORE THE ALARM WAS SET TO SOUND! AGAIN! He came over and pecked at my head and I pulled the flannel up over my head and over HIM... and he just snuggled next to my face... just as fine as could be! HE TRUSTS ME SO MUCH! IT JUST MAKES ME FEEL ALL THE MORE INFERIOR TO HIM! BUT... OBVIOUSLY, HE *** KNOWS *** THAT I LOVE HIM AND WILL NEVER CAUSE HIM ANY HARM OR SUFFERING OR... EVEN DISCOMFORT! BUT THAT HE DOESN'T MIND BEING COVERED! NO PANIC... JUST A SNUGGLE! HE'S AMAZING! - So, now... the bleating snow continues to fall... Radar shows that it's going to continue into the night! There's a “line” moving along and it's moving North-East... right over us! It was originally supposed to end by about 18.30 but... oh well... That's “Nature”. - 19.58 Well... the day is over... and Yonah's “Healthy Select” is due at the pee-oh tomorrow... fat chance of that! And the vitamins and hand lotion from Walmarde are due too... FedEx! Pretty good timing... especially the vits! - And the snow is still falling, but ever-so lightly... the front looks almost as if I'd done nothing! So tomorrow morning, I'll have to be out there, first thing, to make sure it's cleared for my FedEx delivery! And... I ought to clean the pee-oh ramp for Robin too... I might “borrow” some of their ice-melt for in front of here as well... I don't like using it but at least it's not some-where where birds eat. - Speaking of birds... Deborah sent an e-mail saying that they'll be leaving for The City tomorrow and asked if I'd feed the Little Ones at her place whilst they're gone... and she offered to pay me! Imagine? WHAT? Anyway, of course I'll go! Happily! It'll be good for the truck, giving it a run, even for the mile. And speaking of the truck, I HAVE to get new wiper blades, the one on the passenger side is RUINED! Oh well... general routine maintenance. (I just hope the tyres hold for another year!) - Yonah got “tucked-in” at 19.30 again tonight... - I took my “night pills at 19.00 and I MUST shower before bed tonight. I'm offending ME! - And the kitchen is smelling of the vinegar I'd put out last night to get rid of all the cooking odours. That has to go too. - And I'M SO TIRED!!! SO TIRED! - There's supposed to be sun tomorrow! I can only hope. But tomorrow night... -24° again! BUT... the fort-night looks pretty good! No minus 20s! OH HOW I HOPE! (I have to check the oil too... It had better NOT be even near “half” yet! That's not supposed to hit until March!) - Meanwhile, I'm posting this to the server. It's been DAYS and I'm finally caught-up again so... best to get it on-line... not that anybody's noticing. - A quick nosh, a little soc.med... a Brit, shower and to bed! And hopefully I'll be in good shape for the shovelling tomorrow morning! Hopefully I'll be able to sleep through the night tonight! - Oh... John cam through to plough again... out front... AND down the drive! Of fucking course, down t he drive! But he got really close in the front. I'm NOT looking forward to what shit he pulled in the back drive... after my 3 hours of working! Oh well... Fuck me anyway. - 21.46 Heading to bedding, bring on the suffering! - And I put the furnace up before getting into the shower and... IT'S NOT BLOWING AGAIN! HAD IT SET AT 68F... COULDN'T REALLY HEAR IT RUNNING AT ALL. THE TEMP IN THE LOO WAS 18˜ BEFORE SHOWER... AND ONLY 20° AFTER A HOT SHOWER. AND JUST NOW, I CHECKED THE THERMOMETER IN THE LIIVNG-ROOM AND IT'S ONLY JUST ABOUOT 68F... IT SHOULD BE AT ABOUT 70F... I WAS GOING TO CHECK THE TANK TOMORROW ANYWAY BUT NOW I REALLY MUST! SO IN THE MORNING... I'LL HAVE TO CRANK THE FURNACE WITH COFFEE AND SEE WHAT IT DOES... AND CHECK THE TANK AS WELL. IF THERE'S A HALF TANK... SOMETHING'S WRONG... AND IF THERE'S A LEAK IN THE TANK... I DREAD... BECAUSE I KNOW MASS-HOLE WILL DO ALL POSSIBLE TO AVOID REPLACING OR REPAIRING, AND ANY OIL LOST WON'T BE REPLACED... OR, NOT WITH-OUT A FIGHT. OH, BUT THIS PLACE MAKES ME SICK! - And Deborah won't be back until the 13th so the truck will be getting a daily start and run for a week... IF it starts... which it should, since tomorrow night will be cold but after that, not BITTER for a while... IF they know WTAF they're forecasting. - Meanwhile... here's to off to bed... and hoping... I'm expecting a night of pure HELL though... after all the shovelling. - Oh and alas.

Sat.05.Feb:
NOTE TO YOU: CHECK THE DAMNED FURNACE !!!!
From 22 January to 05 Februrary: 1/8th TANK USED !!! NOT BAD !!!
***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
ADDENDUM: OH... FOUND THAT MIKE BROCK ON-LINE TODAY... AND INFO... HE'S ASSOCIATED WITH SOME SORT OF “NAVY BUSINESS” AND HAS ASSOCIATES WITH LAW ENFORCENTMENT. THIS *** WAS SOME SORT OF SET-UP !!!! FUCKING SHITS !!! Now, how I address it is to be seen, but I'm really quite tempted... but I'm not sure with or by what... “IT'S A MITZVAH!” MINDY SAID... SACK OF SHIT, THAT ONE... TYPICAL ORANGE COUNTY TRASH !!! GOD HELP THEM IF THEY OR THEIRS SHOW AT THIS DOOR... I'M IN NO “KIND” MOOD. FUCKING BLOODY QUNTS... THE LOT OF THEM !!!
7.01 Well then, OK, then... Heart-attack morning here. But... the Yardies have breakfast, the front porch is swept clear, the ramp and boxes at the pee-oh have been shovelled and “ice-melted” (and I “borrowed” a bit of that for me, as a “Thank Me” for my work, to sprinkle in front of MY little porch), and the back walk and area are cleared. It snowed until I got to bed... and shortly there-after, but, fortunately, it was dry. And I was up with my “6.00” alarm, had coffee... - 7.04 MORNING CALL! I'D FORGOTTEN TO CLOSE THE BLOODY BLINDS LAST NIGHT! I'd drawn them but didn't close the ones in the “Western” window and noticed it when I went, after shower, in to say “Good night” to Yonah! That window appeared “BRIGHT” and it occurred to me... THE BLOODY BLIND WASN'T CLOSED! But I didn't want to go in, move Yonah's house to get at the window, so... I left the “light blocking” to the boards. THANK THE GODS FOR THOSE BOARDS! Still... it appears that the intrusion of light, from the street light, at this hour, disturbed Yonah... so I'm NOT in a particularly “happy” mood, first thing this morning... with the lying shit-sacks of “E-town”. And, as some know but refuse to accept: If you disturb Yonah... no matter the extent... it's an official declaration of out-right “WAR”! So... let's let the battle commence! I don't know how, exactly, just yet... but it's coming! - 9.43 I took an hour's snooze and woke... CHILLED! I don't know why. It's 22,2° in Yonah's room, but I can't seem to get warm. Wearing clean clothes and the yellow flannel shirt, but can't get a “chill” out of hands, feet and even torso. Can't be another “kidney infection”. I'm peeing regularly. Although, the bowels are a bit “off” again. And there's a “heaviness” in the left chest. And I'm TIRED! Of course, there's the “tightness” in the waist... especially the left side. But I WAS up and out before sun-rise... and it's currently -13° out there (in spite of the sun coming up BRILLIANTLY) so it was MUCH colder before sun-rise... and there I was, in the Sherpa and gloves... BUT I SLEPT THROUGH ALL OF LAST NIGHT! I MEAN... REALLY... SLEPT AND ALL THROUGH! I should be rested. I should be delightful. I'm... COLD! Oh well... I'm also up and about and so is Yonah and so is the sun and so... there we have it. - In other news... Yonah's “Healthy Select” is/was due at the pee-oh today, but “tracking” tells me it was in Plattsburgh yesterday morning at about 8.00 and that's where that ends. My vitamins are due from Walmarde today, but they're coming FedEx and there's NO telling when THEY'LL be in town. AND... since I have a nice little “path-way” to the front porch out there, I'm just waiting for and expecting SOME tard to come rolling along and ploughing snow back in front, especially before FedEx, of all, arrive. So? So... - And then too, there's the truck, which will, no doubt, have to be “de-snowed”, as it were, and run today. (I'm looking forward to serving breakfast at Deborah's tomorrow morning, but NOT looking forward to what I'll be facing where the truck is concerned.) - Oh well and alas... a morning... SUNNY! CLEAR! BITTER COLD! AND... 9.57... THE FURNACE IS RUNNING! - OH... AND ABOUT THE FURNACE... LAST NIGHT, BEFORE GETTING TO THE SHOWER, I PUT IT UP A BIT, JUST TO TAKE A CHILL OUT OF THE AIR... ESPECIALLY IN THE LOO WHERE, I REALLY MUST GET TO THE CELLAR AND CLOSE THAT DAMNED “FLAP” BECAUSE THAT'S THE SOURCE OF A GREAT DEAL OF COLD IN THIS SHIT-BOX. ANYWAY... IT “CYCLED” AS IT DOES BUT WHEN IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BLOW HEAT, IT BLEW “SLIGHTLY WARM” AND IN THE LOO, THE AIR WAS NEGLIGIBLE! NO POWER! NO AIR BLOWING! AND THE TEMPERATURE IN THE LOO WAS 18° BEFORE MY SHOWER AND ONLY 20° (WHEN IT'S USUALLY ABOUT 21°) AFTER! THIS MORNING, WHEN I GOT OUT OF BED, I KICKED IT UP TO TEST IT... AND IT SEEMED A BIT BETTER... BUT STILL *LOW* IN THE LOO. (By the moment though, sitting in Yonah's room at the work table... it's blowing nicely and the temperature is up to 23,1°. And my “chills” are only but a bit relieved... for the moment.) Anyway, some of my fatigue and anxieties are, no doubt, due to the worrying about being able to keep warm enough in this shit-box. But for today... I'm hoping for some warmth from the sun. - And on the matter of “sun”... Yonah's been in the orange tree this morning... I WISH he'd take in the sun-shine! It's filtred, and the necessary UV doesn't come through the screen and glass as much as it ought, but SOME sun is better than NO sun and I don't understand why he's avoiding it lately. - OK... I'm on the roll with this journal this morning, and the Journals on-line are current so... let's roll along. There's bound to be SOMETHING other that requires attention... I'm just not remembering it/them/what-ever... HEY! I'm remembering how to get from room-to-room, I remembered to shovel snow this morning, to feed the Yardies, breakfast tomorrow at Deborah's.... AND to wipe after sitting on the carsie. I suppose that's “sufficient”... Hmpf! - 11.29 Yonah's “Healthy Select” is in... AND I had a GREAT chat with Robin this morning AND have learned...
”Next-Door” is AWAY “for a while”... had surgery, is with the spore in Keene. Robin heard yesterday from “Bob-the-son-in-law”. PEACE in the house! But no word about “Gordon”... so I'll be watching for lights... I suppose. Honestly... an empty house in a place this small and no word... And never mind letting me know so I can watch for what-ever. OK... Fukkem.
MEAN-WHILE... THE SUN IS SHINING, THE ROADS ARE JUST WET, THE WORLD IS COVERED IN SNOW (because it's still bloody COLD out there), AND YONAH IS AFFECTIONATE AND BUSY! And that “chill” is finally... FINALLY... GOING AWAY... The sun is helping a bit... AT LAST! - 13.14 THE SUN IS POURING IN SO BEAUTIFULLY TODAY THAT YONAH'S ACTUALLY “BASKING”! HE HASN'T DONE THAT IN QUITE THE WHILE! IT'S WONDERFUL! - Now, if only I could shake my fatigue! Oddly, I feel perfectly refreshed and energetic whilst laying down, but the moment I sit up-right or stand, I'm almost debilitated with fatigue. I could sit here, close my eyes and go right to sleep! I have a back-brace on and that's relieving some of the “discomfort” in my back, but that too, the absence of pain, tires me. I'm going to have to get in touch with the MD... run some tests of some kind. It isn't my breathing. And it isn't lack of proper sleep... I've been getting that for several nights now... I wonder... - But the SUN is shining and it's lending a bit of warmth to the room! (Shitty though... it's only but 13.19 and the sun is already passing out of the windows... THREE bleating hours a day! What a fuck.) - 20.16 WELL, WELL, WELL, WELL, WELL, WELL, WELL.... FUCK! THE WALMARDE DELIVERY NEVER ARRIVED... AND FEDEX DROVE RIGHT BY THE HOUSE AT ABOUT 14.00 TODAY! AND THE TRACKING ON-SITE SHOWS THAT ONLY THE LABEL WAS CREATED SO WALMARDE AND FEDEX ARE FUCKUPS. I'm betting that it'll all arrive with the shampoo... on the bloody 11th! BUT... it makes a “delivery week” ahead... Monday and Tuesday are doves and eggs... and the Friday the “cosmetics”, as they are. So? So... nothing lost. At least there's no “Delivered” message! THAT wouldn't surprise me. But it's not. - And the day? Well... between all the “affection time” with Yonah (I LOVE LOVE LOVE THAT! SO SO MUCH!), and seeing oil in the tank, Yonah's “base” of Healthy Select arriving (3 bags on hand now!)... no shovelling, no bull-shit from the fukerie... the SUN... Yonah SWIMMING... OH YES... HE TOOK A DIP IN THE POOL TODAY... IN THE BRISK COLD OUT-SIDE AND ALL (but today I splashed my fingers in there and yes, that water IS delightfully warm for him so that's good to know).... IT WAS GRAND ALL ROUND! - Tonight though, was another “early tuck-in”. Yonah was rather quite ready by 19.00! In all fairness, he was up at 7.04, and 19.04 is a 12-hour day for him and it was BUSY BUSY BUSY! He was all over the room, all over the floor, in and out of his room to the kitchen with me, following me, on my head, shoulders, hood, the chair... It REALLY REALLY WAS AN ANIMATED DAY TOGETHER. WE ARE SO OBVIOUSLY “MATES”! And 'tis said that mourning doves enjoy 10-14 hours of rest so... he's got 12 now, should he wake early again tomorrow. - And tomorrow... I have to roll to Deborah's to feed HER “Yardies”. She says she “serves” at about 8.00 so... hopefully the truck will start and roll. Only a balmy -8° for tomorrow after tonight's -25 or so... FUCK! Thankfully, there's oil in the tank! - I'm off to post this tonight... off to bed not later than 22.00. I want to be up and about early enough tomorrow and maybe take a roll into town for groceries... there was something else but... I'll think of it... AFTER I get back in the house. - OH YES... I SENT THE NICE PEOPLE IN NEW ZEALAND A NICE “LETTER” THANKING THEM FOR THE COURSE, CERTIFICATE AND THEIR THANKS. (And I included Yonah's site... I can't WAIT to see the response from THAT! It'll show me how truly “compassionate” they are... But...) - 22.22 And it's OFF TO THE HELL THAT AWAITS... 'NEATH THE COVERS... OF BED AND NIGHT !!! MAY THE GODS AND FATES HAVE MERCY (AND I'M NOT COUNTING ON EITHER NOR ANY). Its such a delight to look forward to a night's rest... but the reality of the MISERY, PAIN, TORTURE AND HELL that actually await.

Sun.06.Feb: (Denis: 72 years today... Imagine THAT! 72 YEARS! And today? No desire to even speak with him. MY! How the years have managed to mangle things.) 7.35 Yes, I was in the bed by 22.30 last night... AND UP AGAIN AT ABOUT 24.22, as I recall seeing, WITH *DEEP* CONTRACTIONS OF THE LEFT THIGH! TO THE POINT WHERE I STOOD, LEANING AGAINST THE CLOSET IN THE BED-ROOM AND ACTUALLY *SAID, ALOUD*: “JEEZUS KRISTE!” AND IT JUST WOULDN'T GO AWAY! I walked a bit, to no avail. I went to the loo, to no avail. I put the “better” brace round the buttocks and managed to get back into the bed and, diagonally, managed to get into a position of less pain and... finally, with the DULL pain, drifted back to sleep. Heard the “6.00” alarm this morning, turned it off and then, with the “6.30” remembered the Yardies and got up and got into my little “morning routine”. I'M GOING TOO RING THE NICE DOCTOR TOMORROW TO MAKE AN APPOINTMENT. THERE'S MORE *WRONG* HERE THAN THEY WANT TO LOOK AT. I DON'T *WANT* TO GO TO THE QUACKERIE. I DON'T *WANT* TO PUT UP WITH THE “MASK ABUSE” AND OTHER RETARDATION, BUT, I *DO WANT* TO HAVE THIS FIGURED OUT! I *NEED* ANOTHER 5 YEARS, MINIMUM HERE! I HAVE YONAH AND NO, I DO *NOT* TRUST OTHERS... *ANY* OTHERS... I JUST DO NOT !!! My “concern” is... this morning, as I stood out on the front porch, in the CRISP cold, taking a photo of the “red” sun on yonder hills, a some-what “sharpish” pain... from jaw, through shoulder and down the arm... “LEFT” side... and that the “left-side” teeth are the ones that are mostly gone, “dead”, as they're called... the pains in the LEFT leg and foot... Yes, there's SOMETHING WRONG there and it needs to be addressed. No doubt, all sorts of “scans with dyes” and hopefully no “stents” and “stints” and shit. NOTHING INVASIVE! BUT... THAT'S asking entirely TOO MUCH of “things in general”. Still, it all NEEDS to be “attentioned”... as it were. I am NOT “comfortable” with this... GODS HELP ME! THE QUACKERIE! Here we go with the new medical. This is NOT going to be “fun”.
AND... outside... -19/-24°. I believe we can rest quite-assured that the truck is quite frozen this morning. I might ought to give it a try but I don't want to risk cracking things or what-have-you. Yes, Deborah's Yardies need breakfast but... if I bust the truck... there'll be no more breakfast... or, I could walk it. The exercise might do me some good... but then... -19°? Not knowing what's going on in this old carcass... I'll not drop on the road-side, thank you. So, the day commences with a touch of anxiety... *** EXCEPT ***
7.14... I'd just stepped in from the front porch to hear the little “woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo”.... and OH YES, INDEED... Mr. HEART-AND-SOUL WAS UP AND AWAKE! And... no sooner had I commenced the changing of the waters... he was OUT AND ABOUT... TO THE SHELF AND THEN, TO HIS PILLOWS ON THE FUTON WHERE, AT 7.51, HE'S STANDING, WHERE HE CAN SEE ME, AT TABLE. AND IT WAS A “CHATTY” BEGINNING TO THE DAY TOO! When the World appears to be punching, Yonah is there to keep the heart going, the determination, strong. I'm HERE, and I'm STAYING HERE... or as long as he will... WE'RE TOGETHER... AND THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO ALL THERE IS!
As for Deborah's... I'll just have to give the day some time, hope the temperatures rise sooner than forecast. We're only to expect -8 by 13.00, but I'll hope for something earlier... and presently, the sun's in no rush to make an appearance. (That bit of anxiety could be playing into this morning's “ick” as well so... ) - AND... the furnace? Well... it's “having one of those days” as well... Though I cranked it up to 65F this morning, I can't get the loo above 17°! Thankfully, I checked the oil yesterday, else THAT TOO, would be pounding at my old frame. But it's still quite an annoyance. Ah... well... - And this morning's e-mails indicate that the Walmarde parcels are “On Their Way”... one from Bethlehem PA (which is on the e-mail as “BETHLE HI” which comes up as “Bethlehem High School... in DELMAR!), due tomorrow... because further shows it's in E.Syracuse... the other... Sparks, NV... still in NV, due on the 9th. I'm not sure which is what is... but... POOF! VOILA! From “yesterday's due” to tomorrow and Wednesday... well... one nevers! One supposes. - Oh well... I wonder if a good BM would help with the heath... Honestly... I stopped the boozing, cut back on the smokes... I eat, primarily, backed chicken and vegetables (more veg than anything else). OK. Probably the ice cream before bed isn't a good idea... I take my vits. WHAT the FUCK MORE does this old body want? (And I'm willing to wager it's a LOT of the “long-term effects” of being bashed for so many years... and hated...) WHAT-THE-FUCK-EVER! - I need to get on with this day... - Yonah is “woo-HOO'ing”. MY PRECIOUS SOUL! - 13.44 Back from Deborah's. The truck started, and rolled... poor thing. It's BITTER out there. - And the “Bob” was next door... shovelled the stoop over there. Waved, as I was leaving, gone when I got back... - I wasn't gone 30 minutes. - I'm WOOZY! So fucking strange. Tomorrow, I'm calling Demuro to make an appointment. THIS CANNOT continue! - BUT... THERE WAS NO FOOD OUT FOR THE YARDIES! As I think, Deborah put food out before they left... yesterday morning! POOR LITTLE YARDIES! But the only ones there were the chickadees. Not a sign of any others. And it was SO COLD up there, on that hill! There's a LOT of open space on that “farm”. BUT THE VIEW across the main is breath-taking. OH! To live and reside some-where on that property! But, that's something that will never happen, I'm sure. Deborah already said she has plans for the re-built barn. Hell! I'd move into the old one! Lou T. lived in a converted chicken coop! I mean... all that chicken shit for all those years and yet. Sure, no plumbing so he had to go into the house, but... Never mind. My mind... Anyway, I hope the nights stop being so damned frigid. - Oddly, the real “locals” have said that between last and this Winter, in all their years, they don't recall Winters EVER getting as cold as they've been lately. (“Global Warming”... right.) I'm just concerned about the truck freezing and thawing... and that battery. I'll have to put a new one on a budget... (I hope the truck passes inspection, come July... PLEASE! I can't get another loan until December... or January 2023! Although I wonder if I could get one through Community. Something to ponder... one of these days. I can't really afford another payment right now though. This new one, with the 1-year term capped me. And getting more income is, well, out of the question. Especially locally... I won't go back to Stewart's... and FamDoll is, obviously, they don't want me in there. Aubuchon's? I doubt it. And NOT at the market! I couldn't stand seeing the locals that many that often. Shame about the Pee-Oh too. But that's REALLY NOT the kind of suffering I want... These dolts would have a dancing shit fit, and there are those who would make it just a misery. So?) But I'm glad to have made the trip and hope to make the rest through the week... and earlier. If not earlier, then, absolutely daily! - 19.30 I've taken my night pills... Let's see when I finally get into the “rack”... for another night of TERROR! - I'm DEFINITELY MAKING AN APPOINTMENT WITH DEMURO! IF FOR NOTHING ELSE, A GAMBIT OF TESTS, FOR A “BASE-LINE”, although, feeling the way I do, it's not a “healthy” base-line. Still, the prelims are covered by insurance so... may as well go for it! I SHOULD know what's going on. (I wonder what, if anything, will or can be done about these teeth. I happened to notice, since I'd saved it for some reason, that the last one to come out has nothing but something that looks like over-dried “clay” or “plaster” INSIDE! The “pulp”, the centre is completely exposed and dead. Yep... “Dead Teeth”. Now, I suppose we'll have to figure out WHY. Ah... here we go.. the “mysteries” commence. FUCK ME! - Yonah is already tucked-in... I set the furnace up a bit because there's a BITTER CURRENT floating through this shit-box tonight! I can't figure where, exactly, it's coming from but it's VERY NOTICEABLE AT THE FLOOR! THE FUCKING COLD IS COMING UP THROUGH THE FLOORS! So much for Artie's “You'll never be cold.” Fucking lunatic, that one. And the Mass-hole “That's an easy house to heat.” Yeah, as long as the furnace never shuts off... and it's running for the second time in the past 30 minutes! Well, it'll be back to 62F tonight! We NEED the oil! Even with the potential of an “Emergency”, and I don't know when those expire... and I don't dare to ask... though I could, I suppose, with the advice that I keep the thermostat set at 62F and let THEM figure out that the furnace doesn't work properly and that the place probably isn't insulated “to code”. Oh well... - Anyway... Yonah was ready for seepie-nigh-night already at about 19.10 tonight! Early to bed and early to rise means early to bed the next night too. And he was SO BUSY all day and OH OH OH OH OH OH SO AFFECTIONATE AND ATTACHED! HE EVEN CAME OUT INTO THE KITCHEN AT 9.41 THIS MORNING... TODDLED RIGHT OUT, ALONG THE CARPETING, WALKED OVER, STOOD BEHIND THE KITCHEN CHAIR, WENT TO THE BACK DOOR, PEEKED INTO THE LOO! AND THEN HEADED BACK TO HIS HOUSE! AND EVERY TIME I LEFT HIS ROOM, HE CALLED UNTIL I ANSWERED OR WENT BACK IN! I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON WITH HIM BUT WOW... IF THIS IS WHAT THEY CALL “BONDING”... WE'RE ONE UNIT... FOR CERTAIN! All the more reason for me to check and maintain my health! Shame, really, I just honestly don't trust anybody else to understand him, nor to treat him with as much attention and affection as he obviously enjoys. Even Deborah... I DO like her, and am sure we could be good friends. (We've had a few e-mails already and stories of “the 70s” in The City. I'm not sure where she's from, exactly... I suspect NH. Her mother was from Brooklyn though. She moved into The City in '73 to attend Columbia so... Anyway...) I mean, when I think of taking a roll out of the area (for example, a little “roll by” on Schremp Lane.. or what-ever it is that the connivers-brock reside upon... fucking shit-sax), I can't even think of somebody who I'd trust to drop in to visit with Yonah during my absence... even for a day! So no... I MUST be healthy... We truly ARE a “united soul”! And yes, I can say that I don't just “LOVE” him... I'm IN LOVE WITH him! He IS my breath. - That said... I have to get to his Journal... - I MANAGED TO GRAB A BACK-UP OF THE SERVER TODAY! I HAVE TO GET THAT TO A “SeaGate”... AND I'M ABOUT TO NEED ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE TOO! I ought to go through the ones I have and “clean them out”. There's shit on there that I haven't looked at in... YEARS at this point. One of these days... (Of course, now that Winter days will be gone soon... but then again, I don't see me out and about much come Summer either... Yonah's in here... and with him is where I belong.) - Moving along... I'm so behind with journalling today and I really can't say what I've done with the day... other than be with Yonah... which is PERFECT no matter what, why or how. - 22.22 This is a “familiar” hour. Now, if ONLY I could get a bottle of “222” again. THAT would be DELIGHTFUL! I'll bet THEY'D give me a full-night's sleep! Anyway... OFF TO THE HELL that awaits 'neath the blankets!

Mon.07.Feb: 20.31 I'm STILL working on Yonah's Journal for today. And today is ALL YONAH. Truly... the entire day's events ALL involve Yonah! Aint' that just PERFECT? Well, yes it IS... because... ALL IS WELL WITH YONAH... and the rest of Creation can go eat it's own shit... - Moving along.... (And right now, I'm doing more “catch-up” at 12.06 on Tuesday because... I WAS tired last night... BUT... on Sunday night... MIRACLE... I MANAGED TO SLEEP THROUGH AGAIN! Good thing too because, well, morning's are quite “FULL” of late.. between making certain that my Little Guy is attended and rolling down the main to the Yardies. - That said... “Catch-up” from notes....) - I was up and about with the 6.00 alarm... which is about 5.45 or so anyway, and on with my usual morning stammering about, serving Yardies here, coffee and such. - My LITTLE HEART-AND-SOUL CALLED AT 7.07 THIS MORNING! WOW! OUR DAY OPENED NICE AND EARLY! AND I WAS MORE THAN QUITE THRILLED... HONESTLY, ANY DAY, AT ANY HOUR, THAT IT BEGINS WITH “woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo” IS A PERFECT MORNING! So, all else was dropped and we got right into “morning routine”. SADLY though, I had to leave for a touch... Off to the Yardies at Deborah's! I surely don't mind going down there, especially in the early morning, MORE-so, to provide food for the Little Ones, but two points that do cause me some “pain”... in order of their importance: (1) LEAVING YONAH! THAT IS ALWAYS A DARKNESS IN EVEN THE BRIGHTEST DAY (and this morning was quite nicely bright, other-wise), and (2) being in the bucolic spleandour of that house, across the bridge, off the main, nobody around to behave poorly, just open skies surrounded by white pine forest, and the view of the mountains... CIVILITY! WISHING that I could provide that environment for Yonah... so long as we both shall live... and the reality when I roll back down, over the bridge and turn back onto the main.. And this morning, I went into FamDoll right away and had to drive past this shit-box... Oh... I don't understand why... I just don't. “Life isn't fair”... no. And those who forced me into it aren't worth what-ever waste they caused... and were. - ANYWAY... BUT... THE TRUCK STARTED RIGHT AWAY THIS MORNING! NOW THAT WAS QUITE A BLESSING! AND IT ROLLED ALONG WITH-OUT INCIDENT... SO, WE COUNT THE LITTLE NICETIES AND CONVENIENCES. - At FamDoll, it was just Casey and me in the store and she looked SO exhausted! She's pulling 7-day tours lately because of employees who are taking advantage of these “flu policies”. Apparently, if one has been jabbed, one can simply call, say one isn't feeling “well” and one is automatically entitled to a 5-day... PAID... break! And Ms. Casey's staff consists of quite a few “break-takers”. Well? I told her, again, should she need... But... I'm at the point now where, honestly, should she need... I've no time... nor interest. I don't know why I've not been asked to “cover”, even for a few hours. So? You don't want? I can't force... I was on my way back, directly, to the shit-box and by about 9.20... I was in and re-settled... to be with YONAH for the day! - AND... At about 10.30, I toddled next door to see if the eggs that were due to arrive today had, in fact. THE EGGS AND THE DOVES WERE THERE THIS MORNING! WOO-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO-YEAH! THE BEST WAY TO RECORD THE EVENTS THAT FOLLOWED IS TO QUOTE YONAH'S JOURNAL ENTRY FOR TODAY SO...
***** QUOTE *****
The “doves” came in a pair, and one more-resembled a female, the other, more a male. I brought the “female” into Yonah's room and placed it on his roof-top platform, which is where he was at the time. WELL! HE IMMEDIATELY RUFFLED HIS FEATHERS, FLUFFED HIM-SELF UP FULL, GAVE THE “NOD” THAT DOVES (and pigeons) GIVE ONE-ANOTHER AS A FORM OF “GREETING”. THIS WAS FOLLOWED BY A RESOUNDING, CLEAR “woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo!” and THEN... THRUSTING PECKS! I WASN'T SURE, AT FIRST, WHETHER THEY WERE “GREETINGS”, “AFFECTIONATE” OR... AS I WAS TO LEARN AS THE MOMENTS PASSED, “AGGRESSION”. I left the “new addition” on his roof for a while and watched from a few steps away as Yonah “preened”, the ROUGHLY RUFFLED AND FLUFFED AND ALL BUT OUT-RIGHT “ATTACKED”! His pecks were “thrusts”, his other-wise “affectionate nibbles” were BITES! HE WAS NOT PLEASED WITH THIS INTRUDER! I tried moving the “other dove” to the futon pillows, to see if Yonah's response would be any different. It was not. I even tried to put it into his house, on the limb on his floor. THAT just gave him clear access to the “breast” of the decoy and he made EVERY use of that advantage, striking at it, repeatedly. When I tried to put it up on the perch where he spends the night, thinking he might appreciate a “presence of company” through his nights... he flew up to it, attacked it's face, pushed his way past it and went directly to his reflection in his mirror there and gently pecked at that. IT WAS SO OBVIOUS... THIS “INTRUDER” WAS NOT WELCOME! I tried the same routine with the “male”, which sat a little higher and THAT WAS ALMOST A BIT OF A HORROR! THE ATTACKS WERE QUICKER, STRONGER, MORE DETERMINED! NEITHER ONE WAS A WELCOMED ADDITION TO THE HOUSE-HOLD! WOW!
MY ABSOLUTE RELIEF? HERE, FOR A WHILE, I'VE BEEN THINKING THAT YONAH MIGHT ENJOY THE COMPANY AND COMPANIONSHIP OF ANOTHER “LIVE” DOVE... AND I'VE BEEN LOOKING AT AND CONSIDERING A RING-NECK DOVE, CLOSE IN COLOURATION AND SIZE, AND, ALTHOUGH A “COMMODITY” (a notion that repulses me to the point of physical illness), IT WOULD BE A BLESSING TO THE LITTLE ONE TO COME INTO A HOUSE WITH A COMPANION-DOVE AND A HUMAN WHO WOULD GIVE HEART TO IT. TODAY? THOSE THOUGHTS ARE DONE AND GONE! AND AS I SAY, I AM RELIEVED THAT I DIDN'T EVEN “TRY”. HAD YONAH ATTACKED A LIVE DOVE WITH AS MUCH FORCE, IT WOULD HAVE RESULTED IN INJURIES, AND MY HEART WOULD NEVER MEND, NEVER FORGIVE, NEVER BE FREE OF THE ABSOLUTE GUILT FOR HAVING CAUSED THAT SUFFERING TO ANOTHER LIVING BEING.
ONE OF THE MOST REMARKABLE ASPECTS THROUGH ALL OF THIS “EPISODE” WAS THE FACT THAT, AFTER GIVING SOME FIRM THRUSTS TO THE “DECOY”, YONAH WOULD COME RUSHING OVER TO ME, ALIGHTING ON MY SHOULDER, AND PECKING AT MY CHEEK OR EAR, TRYING TO GET TO THE FRONT OF MY FACE TO PECK ON MY NOSE. IT WAS AS IF HE WAS TRYING TO RE-AFFIRM HIS CONNECTION WITH ME OR MY CONNECTION WITH HIM! HE'D FLY OVER TO THE “DECOY”, THRUST, BITE AT ITS “BEAK”, THEN COME TO ME. THIS WENT ON, BACK AND FORTH ALL THE WHILE THE “DECOY” WAS OUT, IN THE ROOM! AND WHEN, AT LAST, HE SAW ME REMOVE BOTH DECOYS, HE CAME TO REST ON MY SHOULDER, GAVE ME MANY LITTLE PECKS ON THE CHEEK AND EAR, AND STAYED WITH ME, AS I WENT ABOUT THE REST OF THE HOUSE, ATTENDING TO OTHER LITTLE TASKS AT HAND. HE WASN'T GOING TO LEAVE ME! AND ALL THE WHILE, I GAVE HIM KISSES, SNUGGLED MY FACE CLOSE TO HIM, STROKED HIM AND GAVE HIM WORDS OF RE-ASSURANCE THAT HE IS THE ONLY ONLY IN MY LIEFE AND THAT HE NEVER HAS TO WORRY ABOUT LOSING ME OR MY LOVE. Call it “oddly”, but it appeared that he understood. It took a good hour before our day returned to any “normalcy” and he returned to his house and then to his “regular routine” of flying about. Oh yes, Yonah's made our relationship most clear: there's NO room for “interlopers” here. SO... I tried, I saw, I've learnt. I removed the “new doves” from the room so they wouldn't antagonise Yonah. Thinking that he'd recognise them, if they were in plain sight, I thought it best to simply get them away.
Ah, but then... THEN... a HORROR !!! Thinking that I could “advertise” the good food I make available for the “Yardies”, as I refer to the flocks of the yard, these days, and, particularly, the mourning doves, I thought I could put one of the “decoys” at the tray where meals are served... a bit of an “enticement”. So it did... and it looked quite nice, convincing. IN FACT, THE DECOYS ARE SO CONVINCING THAT, WHEN, NOT 5 MINUTES LATER, I LOOKED OUT THE LOO WINDOW TO SEE... A HAWK ON THE RAIL !!! STANDING THERE, STARING AT THE DECOY! WHEN I WENT TO GET THE CAMERA, BY THE TIME I GOT BACK TO THE WINDOW IT WAS ATTACKING THE DECOY !!! DUMBSHIT! I HOPE IT GOT A GOOD BIT OF PUNISHMENT, TRYING TO TEAR THAT PLASTIC BIRD APART !!! BUT NOW I KNOW WHAT ATTACKED YONAH !!! BUT THE SIGHT OF THAT HAWK SICKENED ME ! SCRUFFY AND SO MUCH LARGER THAN A MOURNING DOVE ! THE TRAUMA YONAH MUST HAVE SUFFERED, BEING ATTACKED AND THE ATTEMPTS TO SHRED HIM... ALIVE !!! AND THAT HE SURVIVED, NOT ONLY HIS INJURIES BUT THAT TERROR !!! SICKENS ME. YES, I UNDERSTAND THAT THAT'S THE WAY THIS “PERFECT” WORLD IS CREATED: IN ORDER FOR SOMETHING TO LIVE, SOMETHING MUST DIE. NO MATTER WHAT... BE IT ANIMAL OF SOME KIND OR PLANT. BUT THE DECOY IS NOW REMOVED ! I'LL NOT ENTICE MOURNING DOVES TO COME TO EAT, ONLY TO HAVE THEM DESTROYED, OR WORSE, INJURED, AND ESPECIALLY NOT BECAUSE OF MY INTERVENTION !!! LET THE HAWKS EAT... ELSE-WHERE !!! Both decoys are currently on the branch I'd “potted” for Yonah... in the living-room. They look quite cute there and there is where they'll remain until I find a better place for them. WHAT a lesson! WHAT an experience! Thankfully, no harm came from any of it... either for Yonah or the other mourning doves. And now I better understand why mourning doves come to eat so early in the morning... before the “rest” wake... for breakfast.
Now... as for the eggs... I'm STILL quite nicely impressed by/with them. Not only do they LOOK like real eggs, they have the same weight and “feel” of real eggs. (Still, I find them a bit costly, as opposed to the decoys which, for the price, were “reasonable” and MUCH less-costly than others of a much cheaper quality, but, “cost” isn't an issue where Yonah is concerned, no matter what.) The package contained 7 little eggs and I was MOST curious as to what Yonah's response to THEM would be so I removed 2 and placed them in his house, in the moss-bed, in the “front corner” in front of the little potted white pine. I'd done-so as I was “introducing” the “doves”, thinking there might be an association between dove and eggs. Well, for most of the day, Yonah didn't even notice them. Then again, he was quite busy re-establishing OUR “relationship”. Honestly, we were almost physically attached one way or another. But... BUT... AT ABOUT 16.00, I WAS ABOUT TO GET UP FROM THE WORK TABLE TO PREPARE MY EVENING MEAL WHEN, I LOOKED OVER TO SEE... HE HAD MOVED ONE EGG, CLOSER TO THE POTTED WHITE PINE... AND HE WAS NESTLED ON IT! HE WAS “INCUBATING” ONE EGG! OH! BUT HE LOOKED SO SERENE, ALMOST “PROUD”, “CONTENT”. HE SIMPLY, NATURALLY, TOOK IT UPON HIMSELF TO “PARENT” AN EGG! AND WHEN I SAID “YOU'RE WATCHING THE LITTLE EGG? WHAT A PARENT YOU ARE!” HE ACTUALLY CLOSED HIS EYES, AS IF TO SAY “YES, I AM. ISN'T IT GOOD?” I WAS IMPRESSED AND THEN CONCERNED BECAUSE, WELL, MALES AND FEMALES TAKE TURNS AT THE NEST... THE MALE TENDING DURING THE DAY AND THE FEMALE AT NIGHT. I WONDERED IF YONAH WOULD NOW BE WAITING FOR “MOTHER” TO RETURN AT SOME POINT AND IF SO, SHOULD I RE-INTRODUCE ONE OF THE DECOYS SOME-HOW? AND IF I DO, WILL HE THEN FORM A “BOND” WITH THE DECOY? AND WOULD THAT BE HEALTHY... EMOTIONALLY... FOR HIM? ESPECIALLY SINCE THE DECOY WOULD NEVER RESPOND, SHOULD HE SHOW ANY AFFECTIONS. IT MIGHT APPEAR TO BE A “REJECTION” AND I DON'T WANT HIM TO FEEL THAT! IT ALMOST BROUGHT ME TO TEARS. I CONSIDERED REMOVING BOTH EGGS, BUT SETTLED FOR REMOVING THE ONE HE OBVIOUSLY REJECTED. HE'D CHOSEN ONE... I DON'T KNOW WHY NOT BOTH BUT, THERE IT WAS TO BE SEEN... HE'D CHOSEN ONE AND I DECIDED TO LEAVE THAT ONE, REMOVE THE OTHER AND SEE WHAT TRANSPIRES. WELL... HE STAYED ON THAT EGG THROUGH “MEAL HOUR” AND WHEN I WENT BACK INTO HIS ROOM, HE WAS STILL ON IT... SO COMFY, SO CONTENT. I BEGAN WORRYING... HE HADN'T TAKEN HIS “MEAL” AS HE USUALLY DOES, AND I WONDERED IF HE'D STAY ON THE EGG WAITING FOR “MOTHER”. AND IF HE DID, WOULD HE, WHEN HE GOT HUNGRY, LEAVE THE EGG TO GET SOMETHING TO EAT? I ALSO WONDERED WHAT HIS REACTION WOULD BE WHEN I WENT ABOUT CHANGING HIS WATERS AND TIDYING, AS PER “EVENING ROUTINE”.
WELL... TO MY SURPRISE, HIS * TRUST * IN ME IS *FAR BEYOND ANY EXPECTATIONS * !!! I LEANED IN AND WAS ABLE TO GIVE HIM THE LITTLE “PREENING KISSES” HE ENJOYS SO MUCH. HE ALLOWED ME TO “CLEAN” THE LITTLE POOPS UP FROM THE MOSS, AS I ALWAYS DO, AND HE DIDN'T BUDGE AS I WENT ABOUT CHANGING THE WATER IN HIS POOL AND DRINKING DISH ! NO ATTEMPTS TO “ATTACK” OR TO “PROTECT HIS EGG” ! HE ACTUALLY, HONESTLY * TRUSTS * ME! APPARENTLY, I AM HIS MATE !!! BUT... I DID REMOVE THE ONE EGG AND HE DID NOTICE... THOUGH HE DOESN'T SEEM TO MIND AT ALL. CURIOUS, THAT. AND... WHEN I'D DONE WITH THE WATERS, I CLOSED BLINDS AND CURTAINS AND PUT THE BACK BOARD UP AND EVEN THAT DIDN'T PHASE HIM. OTHER THAN THE EGG, ALL WAS AS ALL ALWAYS IS FOR HIM! I PUT FRESH FOOD IN HIS DISH SO THERE WAS PLENTY OF IT (AND TOO, SO I COULD TELL WHEN AND IF HE WAS EATING... BECAUSE, AS I SAY, I WAS CONCERNED ABOUT THAT FOR TONIGHT).
***** END QUOTE *****
There... Actually covers the ENTIRE DAY... because THE ENTIRE DAY WAS ENTIRELY YONAH! - In other news... The “notices on delivery status” from FedEx continued to read “On Vehicle for Delivery” . At sun-down, I put the front light on, to draw attention and UN-NECESSARILY (because of the street-light-shit) illuminate the way. Ah... but by about 19.00, I decided to let it go. I was miffed, but, there was nothing I could do about it. BUT, FORTUNATELY, AT ABOUT 20.00 I WAS IN THE KITCHEN AND HEARD THE DOOR OF THE VAN CLOSE! I STEPPED OUT AND THE GUY CAME OUT OF THE TRUCK... “AND I LOOKED RIGHT AT THE NUMBER ONE! I THOUGHT IT WAS FOR HER. (The Trash) HE ACTUALLY TOLD ME THAT THEY HAVE SPECIFIC INSTRUCTIONS “AROUND THE BACK”... BUT NOOOOOOO! DIP-SHIT MIS-DELIVERED. HE WENT TO FETCH AND I WAITED. We had a charming chat. I asked how late he ran... “Until I'm empty. You expxect your packages and I'm here to deliver.” Well... MIS-deliver. But, the vitamins and the hand lotion arrived... - As for that? Well... I AM NOT “HAPPY” ALL OF THE BLOODY VITS CONTAIN SOME FORM OF FUCKING *SOY*! ALL OF THEM ARE “PRODUCT OF CHINA”! NO, WE ARE NOT PLEASED. BUT... 500 more C, over 200 D, and but sadly, the Biotine is only HALF of what I'd had so I have to take TWICE the number... but still... the Kinney brand was only 60... this bottle is 240 so I have double the number over-all. I'm stuck with them now... and will take them anyway, but I won't be buying any more... Then again... the price was right: FREE! So I suppose we get what we pay for. - From there... I am, at this hour (almost 21.00 as I was jotting notes), SO TIRED! Tempted to simply go for a “zone-out”, hit the Brits and then to bed, but I MUST get Yonah's Journal done for today. There are photos to sort through and post as well, but, I'm focusing on the text. I'm a day behind with that posting as it is... and I don't want to do that, on the site! I have yesterday's text done, but didn't post to server. Before bed tonight, yesterday and today will be posted. Tomorrow, I'll attend to the rest... (Or, so I'm telling it tonight.) - Shopping? The only items left to arrive are the shampoo from Walmarde (due Wednesday) and Yonah's groceries from PetCo (due tomorrow). - I'm pondering a “bed linens” tomorrow... but I see in the forecast that Wednesday will be above freezing and mostly sunny so... I'm set on that. Up before the dawn, wash and hang and hope they're dry enough by evening to put back on the bed. I really ought to just get an iron and board... that would make it all easier... and the linens would be nicely pressed... One of these days... I can get the iron on-line... though I really don't want to. I want an OLD-FASHIONED, HEAVY iron, and they're either non-existent or cost over 100$ (bull-shit made in fucking China, no doubt). The board? Even FamDoll has those. Oh, I'll see... or not. What-ever. - Tomorrow morning... Deborah's and a trip to market and then... a day with Yonah and “fill-ins” on Journals! - OH... BACKED “THE FILES” TO THE 500G DRIVE. I NEED TO “CLEAN THAT ONE OUT NOW”... actually, I need ANOTHER peripheral! All this shit I've accumulated. I don't look at most of it any more. Mostly images grabbed from the internet... I OUGHT TO DUMP THEM! But it's a WEEK, at least, of sorting. I don't know... eventually they'll mean nothing to nobody else. - Yonah was tucked-in at 19.30 tonight. He seemed a bit hesitant though... I wonder if it isn't the egg... He seemed to be looking for the “mate” to take his place over-night, as would be in Nature. I HOPE I HAVEN'T MADE A MISTAKE WITH THIS EGG! - 21.37 JUST FINISHED POSTING YONAH'S TEXT TO THE JOURNAL ON THE SERVER... photo-works tomorrow! - The furnace is running again! It's not “that” cold in the house but I have it set at 65F... It's down to 62F in a little while... for the over-night! - I was considering ringing Demuro's office for an appointment, but didn't. It's about all this “left-side” pain. I guess I'll put it on the agenda for tomorrow then. I really OUGHT to have it checked. The truth is... I don't “trust” him... I don't trust ANY of “them” any more. “Oh... the test results show that everything's fine.” FUCK YOU! If everything's fine, I wouldn't be so fatigued and in pain... fuktardz. - Anyway... for right now, nosh, Brits and bed! I MUST be up for Yonah tomorrow morning, and then off to Deborah's and market! (Isn't it nice... having an actual “agenda” for a morning? Fuck.) - 22.47 HELL TIME! Such a delight at a day's end... looking forward to getting into a nice bed, pull the blankets up, the fucking light of that shit hanging on the utility pole out-side, closing eyes and feeling the muscles contract... crawling up into the crotch, feet drawn back painfully... Such a delight...

Tue.08.Feb: 10.37 I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT I MANAGED TO SLEEP-THROUGH AGAIN LAST NIGHT AGAIN... AFTER A COUPLE OF NIGHT'S OF THAT “HELL” I ALWAYS EXPECT. And I woke, the first time, of my own, at about 5.20... but didn't get up... dozed again. 6.00 alarm sounded, I turned it off and laid for a few moments, pondering the day and, by 6.15 on the bed-room clock, I was up and about. HEY! The “Yardies” needed breakfast! - From then on, the morning was “routine” as I got me prepped for a roll to Deborah's this morning, and planned on a run to market after. - At 7.43, there'd been no call! Of course, my heart grew “heavy”, considering the earlier hours lately, that Yonah has been waking. I went in... having NO idea what situation I was about to face. But there he was, quite awake...
From His Journal:
***** QUOTE *****
7.43 I went in but he was awake... not very chatty this morning. But his usual energetic self, he hopped over to the other perch after a bit of a “stretch”, I opened the curtains and blinds and he took off for the futon pillows. That was a relief to my soul, to see that he was well-enough to take a flight. So I got right to the rest of the morning routine and as I was finishing the water for the pool, he came over to his door perch to “check on progress” and, as I see it, to “inspect” the work. I'll suppose it passed because he went back to the futon and then to the floor, which meant I HAD to be exceptionally careful, because, I NEVER know where he'll toddle to.
THEN, as I came out of the loo, having emptied the “flush bucket” (the water that came from his pool)... HE CAME OUT OF HIS ROOM, INTO THE KITCHEN, TO LOOK FOR ME! He's AMAZING! And, now I see that, when I might not be in the house for a while, he DOES come looking. We ARE “a unit”... and he DOES have a certain affection, interest and he DOES, apparently, “miss” me when I'm not where I ought to be (at the work table, beside him). Sadly, this morning, I had two brief errands to run before getting on with the rest of the day, so I had to leave the house for about an hour, right away. These days, I've taken to using the front door of the house for errands because the back door is in direct sight-line of Yonah's house. So, in order to not make it obvious that I'm leaving, I sneak out the front. OK. Some might think that rather silly, but, in my mind, I don't want to cause Yonah ANY anxieties, as long as I can avoid. And going out the front door is of no inconvenience. (And even if it were, well, I'd do so anyway... Changes to my routine for Yonah's comfort are insignificant. This is HIS house, HIS home... and because he rather depends on me for comfort, protection, nourishment, companionship, needs, wants, necessities, all are my responsibility... and ALL are given... with LOVE!)
***** END QUOTE *****
I was on the road by about 9.00 (slightly before because, as I rolled off the Hill, heading for Deborah's, Robbin had just arrived at the pee-oh), and off to Deborah's. THE TRUCK STARTED RIGHT UP THIS MORNING, AND I LET IT “WARM” WHILST I SCRAPED THE FROST OFF THE WINDSHIELD. And at Deborah's, the sun was shining, there was just a tiniest bit of food left from yesterday. I DID “CALL” FOR MOURNING DOVES AND SAW *ONE* COME FROM OUT OF THE BLUE (literally) TO THE OLD OAK! HEY! MAYBE I *AM* LEARNING “MOURNING DOVE”! But it was only 3 chickadees who showed for breakfast. Well? They have lunch and a light dinner... to be sure. And I didn't rush to serve... I called as I went along... just to make “food” known. It's GLORIOUS to be at Deborah's in the morning! No traffic, no filth, no anything to perturb, aggravate, annoy. (It would be a perfect environment for Yonah... but...) - So in due course, I was off again, rolling down the drive, over the river and into town... directly to market, in, through and out! DONE! AND got everything on my list... INCLUDING “FRENCH VANILLA” ICE CREAM! (Bought 3 this trip.) - When I got back from market, which went quickly, of course, I got to chat with “Amy”, the Carrier, about DEC and “certificates” and the likes. ROBIN BROUGHT YONAH'S GROCERY PARCEL OUT TO ME! ALL OF HIS ORDER IS IN! I'd gotten groceries for the house... HIS groceries were in too! I was thrilled! So I put ALL up where the belonged and came in to settle at his work table, beside him. “Our” day is “OURS” from here on!
11.48 THE VT SHIT-SACK HAS, APPARENTLY, RETURNED! FOOT-STOMPING, THE SHIT-SPORE WENT ROARING ROUND THE CORNER, OFF THE HILL JUST NOW AS I STOOD ON THE FRONT HAVING A SMOKE. I'D HEARD THE SLAMMING DOORS, THE FOOT-STOMPING *FELT THE FLOORS RUMBLE AND ROLL* JUST BEFORE SMOKE. AND I CAN HEAR SOMETHING PLODDING ABOUT OVER THERE EVEN NOW. WELL, FUCK, IT *WAS* NICE, FOR A FEW DAYS. STILL, I SEE *NO* REASON *WHY* I *MUST* KNOW WHEN IT'S IN, WHERE IT'S PLODDING TO AND FROM. THE IMPETUS, INSPIRATION AND RESOLVE TO GET THE ACTUAL FUCK OUT OF HERE STRENGTHENS.
Mean-while, the sun is shining, I'm having oatmeal with “China-vits” (FUCK). Yonah is “roosting/brooding” and we try to move beyond. (My poor Little Guy... living in this mad-house.) - I'm up from an hour's snooze... Oh, but it was so comfy there... for most of it. And I needed it. I get SO anxious in the morning... when I have to leave the house. MOSTLY, because I don't want to leave Yonah... then there's the truck, and hen it comes to town, dealing with the potential insanity of the dolts there-in. I get back and I'm EXHAUSTED! IT'S SICK! - 13.01 Things have seemed to have “calmed” for a while. But that only increases my anxieties because that THING, if it's there, will be up and about after sun-set and LOARD-ONLY KNOWS WHAT HELL IT WILL RAISE THROUGH THE NIGHT! I almost wish I could simply switch rooms with Yonah now... But the “futon” might not fit in that room and those windows are SO COLD! THAT wouldn't be fair to him. AND I couldn't put the futon AND the work table in there, unless I put the work table against the door-wall which would mean Yonah would be behind me instead of beside me. BUT... I'm pondering... I'm also pondering how to make this place a living HELL for the old qunt... it's got a year's lease... MAYBE I can convince it to leave? The trouble there is... the Mass-hole will put WORSE SHIT IN THERE! I just NEED to get out of and away from here! - And Yonah has been on the egg ALL morning... and hasn't had ANYTHING TO EAT! I don't like this. I know he knows what to do, and if/when he gets hungry he'll eat. But I just don't like that he isn't eating! That egg should be there for another 13 days, but if he doesn't take to eating regularly... I don't believe we're going to wait that long. - Meanwhile... the sun's behind the clouds... charming. His room is 22,3° so that's not too “cool”... comfy, I suppose. - Now? I'm off to PHOTOS! - 20.25 Yonah's Journal is COMPLETE! And Yonah is tucked-in... but it was QUITE another day of EDUCATION with him... and again, the day was, for the most part, ALL about HIM... OF COURSE! But tonight was a bit difficult to get him to eat and to settle on his perch for “seepie-nigh-night”. I was REALLY concerned that he'd spend the night on that egg... and not eat or drink but... From his Journal, again...
***** QUOTE *****
As day came to a close this evening... right after I had my evening meal, as usual, I went about the “evening routine” of changing water and light house-tidying. Yonah would NOT move from the little egg! During the day, he DID come away, but not far, and only briefly, when we had a few cuddles and kisses. He doesn't fear me, but he's devoted to that egg! His “paternal instincts” are quite strong! Amazingly-so.
I tried to coax him into having something to eat, because he hadn't had anything since last night, but even moving his food down from the little platform and closer to him was futile. He just would not step away from that egg long enough to eat! I was, by this evening, extremely concerned!
In a “search” on the matter, I happened across an account of a university team who were studying mourning doves. I wanted to know what mourning doves do when they have a “clutch” and one mate vanishes, for any reason at all. In the text I read the following, where a male mourning dove survived the female mate and they replaced the missing female with a male Ring-neck:
“... Both males immediately started to brood the egg (singular), sitting side by side upon the nest all day but deserting the nest at night to roost upon an open perch in the cage.”
Last night, Yonah DID go to his perch for the night, at about 19.00 or so. I was hoping that he'd do the same tonight, but it didn't seem he would. He wasn't even leaving to eat or drink all day! But this gave me some hope for later. To “encourage” him to at least eat, right after the “water-changing”, I closed his blinds and curtains and stopped the fountain, dimmed the lighting in the room to only the desk lamp and left him to do what-ever it was that he would do. That was at about 18.00, and hour earlier than usual.
At 18.35 I was about to go back into his room, as I do of an evening, to spend the last hours together, and as I walked into the room... HE WAS EATING! AND EATING MOST HEARTILY! It was a relief to see him eating, but heart-breaking to see him eating so fervently. HE WAS HUNGRY! So I stepped away, as not to disturb him but when I returned, moments later, he was still eating, so I sat at the work table to record this. As I typed, he continued to eat, as though I wasn't in the room. I turned his bird-songs and the radio off, to bring “silence” to the room... he continued eating and then... returned to the egg... only this time, instead of resting with his back to me, he turned and faced me. When I looked up at him... he blinked. He acknowledged that I was looking at him, but still refused to move at all. I was just happy to know that he'd eaten!
At 19.00, he allowed me to pick him up, as I do, for some snuggling. He SO enjoys being under my chin, and nestles, motionless, except for nudging his head up against my chin. (I wonder if it isn't the bit of beard that he enjoys, scratching lightly against his head.) This was no exception. And when I opened my hands, he flew to my shoulder and nestled against my cheek. All was “OK”. And when he'd been there a while, he took flight and into his house, to his perch, the one opposite the one he sleeps on though. But in a moment, he was in the corner, on his loft, pecking at the reflection in the little mirror there. I took the opportunity to cover the egg with a little mat of moss, hoping that he wouldn't be compelled to return to it. He'd eaten, I was hoping he'd “retire” for a night's sleep. But, he hopped back over to the opposite perch and proceeded to poop into his pool, which, at this point, is his source of drinking water for the night! I scooped the rather large “blop”, for lack of a better term at the moment, out of the pool, but because it was “fresh” it fell apart so... I immediately repeated the “exchange” of water... to make sure that what was in there was clean, for the night and early morning.
AS I was pouring fresh water into the pool, Yonah hopped right in and began drinking! He was thirsty! And the cold tap water had no effect on him at all! I continued pouring... he continued drinking. And when he was done, he hopped out and went up to his “night perch” where he “preened”... and did he ever preen! I finished the exchange of water, completely, the usual “7” complete flushes. (We're going to be doing a complete “house-keeping” very soon now anyway... end-to-end, top-to-bottom, sands and all.) The water was fresh, clean, and Yonah was preening... AND, APPARENTLY, HE HAD NO MIND OF AN EGG!
Well then, by 19.25, I simply put the roof board on, got his house all ready for a night's sleep. Yonah gave no indication that he was thinking about the egg... he was preparing to settle-down for the night. And so, as I put the light out, leaving his door open so that he could have enough indirect light to navigate as he settled, his little egg is secure under the moss mat for the night. Tomorrow morning, if there's any sign that he misses it, I'll uncover it, again, when he's not looking. If it's to be, I'll leave the egg with him for at least another week and then go to the “egg shell”, to make it appear that the egg had hatched.
I'm not sure whether I've done a good deed or made a terrible mistake with this, but I'll know, soon, I'm sure, and I'll take it from there, whether we do this again or not. When I think that mourning doves can produce 8-10 broods in a season... I'm not sure about going through this that many times again. But, if nothing else, this is a lesson... and I'm paying strictest attention to EVERY aspect of it. My main concerns: Yonah's nutrition, rest and exercise (since he doesn't fly about during the day whilst protecting the egg) AND, whether or not he'll experience any sort of “loss” when, after all the “incubating”, there are no little mouths to feed. Then again, in the wild, other birds and other critters will steal eggs from nests, and nests, especially those of mourning doves, will crumble or be blown away and the doves manage to recover from those calamities. I'm sure Yonah will “rebound” from this. After all, he's showing NO signs of missing “that dove” that was in with him, briefly, yesterday. (Thankfully, there was no time for “bonding” with the decoy!)
So, for tonight, there we have it. Yonah is tucked-in, safe, sound, warm, cozy, for another night's rest. What tomorrow brings will be... and we'll handle that, as it presents. Now? My Little Guy, my Heart-and-Soul can sleep peacefully, undisturbed, with no need of any thoughts of predators... human, animal or “natural event”... just as it should be... just as he SO deserves... and to which HE is MORE than entitled.
***** END QUOTE *****
So now... 20.30, he's in, and has been quiet, his door has been open to let in the light but I'm about to close it as I have my nosh, Brit and... I'm still concerned but hoping he'll sleep well through the night. What tomorrow will bring will be seen when it arrives. I can only hope that I haven't made a grave mistake here! It's taken SO much time to build a relationship with him... and even the best relationships can be completely destroyed with the smallest, most ridiculous mistake. I hope this doesn't come to be. - Meanwhile, my other concern is these vits from Walmarde. I can't help but think: China is a nation that hates the US... They compete with the US on ALL levels. Surely Trump was tossed out of the Presidency because he was showing China for the murderers they are and could yet still be. They manufacture the most inferior shit, across the board and have paid major corporations well, for importing all that shit. The greed of humans is boundless. China ALSO MANUFACTURES A DRUG CALLED “FENTANYL”, ILLEGALLY BROUGHT INTO THE US AND RESPONSIBLE FOR MILLIONS OF DEATHS! NOW... HOW CAN ANYONE BE CERTAIN THAT INDIGESTIBLES MANUFACTURED BY THESE SOUL-LESS CREATURES, AREN'T LACED WITH TOXINS? HOW CAN *I* BE CERTAIN THESE VITAMINS AREN'T LACED? Well... I'll be taking the matter to the soc.med. as soon as I have a moment. THIS IS NOT A TIME WHEN I WANT TO FUCK WITH MY WELL-BEING! I HAVE YONAH TO CARE FOR! SO... - I was going to call Demuro again, today, but again, today, I didn't. I really must... but perhaps I might wait... take a few more rounds of vits and then, go for the blood-work and mention my concerns to him. (NOT, mind, that I'd expect HONESTY... were anything “untoward” to be found in the blood-work... IF they'd bother to look at all in the first place. After all, Demuro accepts Medis as full payment and I rather doubt he does so out of “Kindness of heart or Purity of soul”. Shame... I don't trust a one of them.) - And so, on that... 'tis time to get a LOT of this to the server! I'm WAAAAY behind in that and want it done tonight before heading to the “torture rack” (read: bed). - Tomorrow morning I got to Deborah's... have to make another trip in the evening to fetch a delivery for Julio... and that might not be there until 20.00, as mine came yesterday. It's going to be an “odd” sort of evening... and I'll be driving... AT NIGHT! AND... DOWN THE MAIN... UP THE DIRT ROAD! THIS IS GOING TO BE INTERESTING! BUT... I said I would and I will and that's that. - So for now... off to post and wrap the day... - 20.49 ALL JOURNALS ARE CURRENT AGAIN... AT LAST! - 22.42 OFF TO THE “RACK OF PAIN”!

Wed.09.Feb: 7.23 Bed linens on the line. I woke of my own (forgot to turn the alarm phone on) at about 5.45 but didn't get out of bed until almost 6.15. SLEPT THROUGH last night! Feeling? This morning? Not “FANTASTIC” but not exactly “last breath”. So on with the day... before “Check My Little Guy”. I'm just really rather surprised that I actually DID get the linens washed this morning... AND on the lines. I'm rather surprised I “DID” any-thing. It's becoming more difficult to “DO”. I enjoy the “planning” of “doing”, and I DO have ever intention of “doing” what-ever it is, until the moment to “do” arrives and I can find MORE excuses and “reasons” and diversions, distractions and ... “doing” never gets done when it's supposed to! It's a LARGE part of why I'm looking as fucking disgusting, with an extended gut and flopping tits, as I do. I'm getting what I deserve... I NEED to STOP this bull-shit of sitting about all day, and/or driving allover the place. Driving saves time and it's time I spend sitting on my arse! No wonder I feel horrible any more. Going from constantly active (even when I wasn't) to constantly NOT-active... But that too... “Doing” is wonderful and the “planning” is... but when the moment arrives.... - 7.35 MORNING CALL! THANKFULLY, THE BASINS ARE EMPTY, READY FOR THE “WATER RUN”... AND... HOW WONDERFUL TO HEAR THE “woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo”! MY LITTLE HEART-AND-SOUL IS UP, AWAKE, AND W ANTS TO GET ON WITH THE DAY! YAY! - 12.17 NOTING HERE... Madame Fuktrad has returned... it's running the fucking washer and the loo wall is rumbling, the basin chugging! Oh well FUCK! I SUPPOSE THE LITTLE “BREAK” MUST BE APPRECIATED. I MEAN, AFTER ALL... GETTING RID OF IT? NOT HAPPENING. THAT SORT NEVER GOES AWAY! IT JUST GETS WORSE! And I SWEAR it's retarded! Not being “nasty”... I'd SWEAR... CLINICALLY... it's fucking RETARDED! Maybe Alden was right: it depends on the shit-spore! But in that case, it shouldn't be on its own. I just dread it setting the place a-blaze! FUCK! There's a most serious need to get out of here and, should it come to it, when this round of “loan” is done, I'm going to ask for a larger one next, put it into savings and have moving money... There will be no “Next Year” in this shit-box with THAT there... Then again... if it goes... I wouldn't put it past the Mass-hole to put something WORSE in there! Just out of spite... and I KNOW THAT loser is VERY capable of doing just that. After all... I know it's history! But the sun is shining. and it's comfortably-cool sort of day. Almost perfect! It's more like a “Spring” day than February... BUT... SUNDAY NIGHT... -22° AGAIN! Oh well... if they're even close to correct... 3 days and 4 nights of cold and back to single digits... on the plus and minus... I just hope the oil holds out. - 20.10 EXHAUSTED! AND STILL WAITING FOR THE SHAMPOO TO ARRIVE! THERE'S *** NO *** TRACKING INFO ON IT OTHER THAN “DUE TO ARRIVE”. KRISTE! THEY CAN FUCK THEMSELVES! - Meanwhile, yes, confirmed: THE SHIT-SACK-IN-THE-BACK HAS RETURNED... WITH HER USUAL BULL-SHITTERIE OF AN EVENING. THUMP-BUMP... at the moment... quiet though. One can only hope. - At about 12.30, received e-mail from Deborah that their parcel had been delivered so I rolled down, got it and brought it back... ERRAND COMPLETE! Sent word. No reply. Oh well. Anyway, not at all cumbersome and it was a QUICK trip there and back... and it gave me the chance to open more food for her Yardies and feed them a bit more. - Other-wise, spent the entire day “cleaning” files and moving files on the 500G and 2T peripherals. I NEED to get them properly cleaned... just dump the shit I haven't looked at in yonks. - And I'm making notes now... and I've yet to get to Yonah's Journal for today! AND... the bed-linens are clean so I NEED to shower before getting into bed tonight. BUT... thankfully, nothing but morning Yardies on tomorrow's agenda. YAY! AND... I see, a FamDoll run. Alas. Oh well. - AND... I STILL DIDN'T MAKE THE APPOINTMENT WITH DEMURO. AND I'M GOING TO MUST FIND A DENTIST AND A WAY TO PAY ONE... THERE'S A TOTAL SHIT-LOAD OF WORK TO BE DONE IN THERE... I'VE NO DOUBT. AND I HAVE TO KEEP WELL... FOR YONAH! SO... - AH... 20.20 AND THE FUKQUQNT IS ON THE MOVE... THUMP... THUMP... BUMP... THUMP... WHAT IN FUX NAME IS OVER THERE THAT I HAS TO BUMP ABOUT AT THIS HOUR OF A NIGHT? I'M SICK, SICK, SICK TO FUCK OF IT! I have to move along... - My bottom-front teeth are “feeling odd” of late too. One of these days, I've no doubt... one of these days. - I have to move off of this... - Yonah's linens to do in the morning too. It's supposed to be above freezing but cloudy... and THEN... SUNDAY... BACK TO -20s! WELL SHIT! - 22.56 SHOWERED! And I checked my e-mails... Interestingly... the ORIGINAL Walmarde e-mail has been changed... Delivery? FRIDAY! It went from Thursday to Wednesday to Friday! Fuktardz! Well... they're “Chinese Arse-lickers” anyway so... liars to their core. - I'm off! Fresh bed-lines... a relatively SCRUBBED me. Next shower... when the fucking shampoo arrives! DAMNIT! - Fuck... all I want, really, immediately... is a NIGHT OF NO FUCKING PAIN!

Thu.10.Feb: 9.15 I heard the alarm and it was one of those mornings where I would have LUVD to just stay in bed until... I actually feel better as long as I'm laying down. And THIS morning... being nicely scrubbed from last night's shower and the fresh bed-linens... WELL! WHO could have wanted for more? BUT... Yonah's linens had to get washed and put on the line! The forecast was for “above freezing”... albeit, cloudy. Still... So UP and AWAY! To the kettle! To the basins! AND... Yonah's linens on the line! AND, not a moment too soon because, I was JUST putting the sheet up when... 7.19... “woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo”! And THIS morning, he was anxious to get on with the day! I got the sheet up and headed right in... Last night, I'd forgotten to CLOSE the blind again! So this morning, it was a bit brighter than usual. No wonder he was up and about! It was “bright” in there. Honestly... that fucking liar, “Merrihew”... I won't put to words, the wishes of my heart for that... and it's relatives! Insulting dolt! - Anyway... Yonah was a bit “chatty” this morning... IT'S SO GOOD TO HAVE HIM “BACK” after my fiasco with those doves and eggs! And he was quite active, right away too! So... the morning was WONDERFUL until... I had to get to the truck and get rolling to Deborah's Yardies! - AH... THERE... AS I PULLED UP TO THE HOUSE, A DEER HAD BEEN TRYING TO GET AT THE FOOD ON THE FEEDER! A YOUNGSTER! IT PRANCED OFF TOWARD THE HOUSE AND WHEN I PULLED IN, IT CAME BACK ACROSS THE DRIVE. MOTHER WAS WAITING ON THE HILL AND THEY HAD QUITE THE TIME OF IT, GETTING THROUGH THE SNOW UP THERE. WHAT A BEAUTIFUL WAY TO START A DAY! (And how I wish Yonah and I could be in that sort of environment instead of this... never mind.) - After, I rolled up to FamDoll and got my smokes and some cheap (quality) boot polish for the RedWings... when I can get to them. And back to the shit-box where, that “Mike” down the main had BLOCKED THE DRIVE! HONESTLY... THE AGGRAVATION OF THIS PLACE NEVER CEASES! - THEN... AT 8,24 THIS MORNING, THE RETARD NEXT-DOOR WAS HAMMERING AGAIN! 20.20 LAST NIGHT... AND ALMOST 12 HOURS LATER... BACK AT IT! IT TRULY IS A RETARD! LAST NIGHT I STARTED TO DO A “BACKGROUND CHECK” ON IT... IT'S HAD MORE “SURNAMES” AND HAS BEEN EVERY-WHERE FROM “MS” TO STATEN ISLAND. WHAT IT DID IN S.I. IS A MYSTERY TO ME. PROBABLY WHORED ITS WAY THERE. NON-THE-LESS... FUCK! I WANT OUT OF THIS SHIT-BOX! - BUT... when I got back from all the running about... Yonah was UP AND ABOUT... YAY! - Must add though, this morning, the banging from the pee-oh is pissing me off too... Time to get out of the kitchen... into Yonah's room and away from the “world”! It's one of “THOSE” fucking days. - Oh... and the other shits are already running the drive... I have washing on the line! Yeah... I'm about to un-wind! - But, the mirror thermometer in the truck read and whole 3° already this morning. There's hope for the lavage! - And it's cloudy here, but the sun was shining brightly in Liztoon... I guess that says much. - It's SO DAMP IN THIS HOUSE THIS MORNING... I HAD... HAD... TO KICK THE FURNACE UP TO 70F! (I just hope the oil holds for a while... even though I won't mind calling “EMERGENCY” this year... Charge it to the “Bidens”, you band of shit-sucking dolts! - I'm looking forward to NO social contact today... just Yonah and I... and if anything invades... there will be NO mercy! Even from the gods! - I'm REALLY becoming MOST anti-social... and I don't care! - 18.26 The dampness never left and this after-noon, I HAD to put the thermostat up to 70F! for a while! It was HORRIBLE! (Though, Yonah's thermometer was reading 22,3°, my hands were COLD! Then too, I hadn't felt “right” ALL DAY today! “Heaviness” in the chest. I would have liked to have a pipe shoved into my lungs just to “blow them open”. “Open”... it felt as if they were closed! And “pains” in the left shoulder today too. It was just a “heavy” and “strange” sort of day. REALLY ODD THOUGH... as seems to be the “routine”, I feel better after eating evening meal... and THAT was nothing but a half chicken breast, half bag of “Stir Fry” mix veggies with half tin of black-eye peas... with a small ice cream after... and THAT was SHOVED with-in about 20 minutes. There's something about the food... but I had oat-meal again this after-noon, thinking that maybe I need to eat during the day.... nope... just made me tired!) - AND SPEAKING OF “TIRED!”..... I GRABBED A 30-MINUTE SNOOZE THIS AFTER-NOON AND YONAH STAYED WITH ME, ON MY SHOULDER! WE'RE BACK TO “SNOOZIN WI'YOOZIN”! SO GREAT! - As for the day? THE DAY? ALL of it, seriously, ALL of it, was spent gathering ALL of the photos of Yonah, from more places than I thought possible... I NEED to stop this bull-shit of “saving” in different places/directories and making sub-directories for sub-directories in directories of sub-directories! FUCKING STUPID! AND I KNOW BETTER! BUT... ALL of the photos are now backed-up... on the 1 and the 2T peripherals! (And I NEED one SeaGate JUST for Yonah now! - Mean-while... Yonah's linens are in and washed and dry. But I need to repair that pillow I used for the “dove pillow” before putting it all back together. I'm just glad the washing is done. - Saw the “THING” from next door today. It was out on the Hill. Honestly, I can't even feel anything but repulsion... Oh well... - I need to get yesterday's entry caught up and this morning's notes... Thankfully, Yonah's pages, INCLUDING TODAY'S PHOTOS AND VIDEOS OF HIM IN THE POOL... YES!, are current to the moment... just waiting to be up-loaded... And he's all settled, AND I'VE DRAWN AND CLOSED THE BLEATING BLINDS TONIGHT! (KRISTE! I've moved from “disappointment” through “pissed” and into “HATE” that miserable Tennessee Whore-sucking son of a herpes virus... Merrihew? Merrimoron-shit-sack-liar! FUCK! - Moving along... and so I shall. - (My left arm is “tight” now... Stress?) - Oh... again... didn't ring Demuro's office. But then, I'd like to take a couple more days of these news “Chinese vits” from Walmarde and have a complete blood-work done... let's see what's in there... and whether or not I might be able to sue... for a nice little house on a nice little mountain... and a new truck. - 19.26 I don't believe it, I've caught-up with it all! Just a matter of code and load... And Yonah's pages are complete! WOW! But he's on the futon... it's almost seepie-nigh-night time... AH HAH... HE JUST WENT BACK TO HIS HOUSE! (IS HE READING WHAT I'M TYPING HERE?) - 19.53 Yonah is tucked-in... lights out... HIS BLINDS ARE CLOSED! I've had my “pills”. The house is... THUS FAR... quiet and calm... But then... it isn't “20.30” yet... It's a bloody-fucking horror to live expecting the retard to “break lose” in the middle of a night! But, as I resolved last night:
LET IT BE CLEAR: IF THAT SHIT-SACK CROSS-BREED SLUT DOES ANYTHING TO STARTLE OR DISTURB YONAH TO WHERE HE COO'S OUT OF FEAR... THERE WILL BE NO END TO THE HELL THAT WILL FOLLOW... AS THEY SAY IN A “PROPER OATH”... SO HELP THEM... GOD!
I won't say WHAT will happen, because the list is too long. But, I'm at the end of patience... - ANYWAY... for now, Yonah's linens are ready for tomorrow, and tomorrow morning... after “routine”... Deborah's and maybe a quick run to market. The rolling is probably good for the truck, although there's a bit of a “grind” in the passenger-rear wheel... the one I just had brake-work done on... OH... fuck anyway. - I'd lost track of today being Thursday! This WEEK went by SO quickly! - But for now... time to “wrap” and post. I want to be in bed SOON... like in about 2 hours! (I'd REALLY like to get onto Yonah's schedule... for going to bed... because I really can't get up when he does... I have to be THERE and ready when he wakes... Reminds me of mother: must be there when the kids wake, be there in the morning for them and BE THERE when they get home from school. But of course... with her, it was “the kids”... Me? Of no concern.) - 20.09 THE FUKTARD IS ON THE MOVE! HERE WE FUCKING GO! AND MY HEAD STARTS TO THROB, MY CHEST TIGHTENS ALL THE MORE, MY STOMACH KNOTS, MY EYE-BALLS ACHE! ONE OF THESE DAYS... WELL, IT'S HERE, IT'S DOCUMENTED... FIND ME DEAD OF A STROKE OR HEART-ATTACK... SHOOT THE QUNT! - 22.00 AND... We're OFF TO THE HELL THAT IS THE NIGHT!

Fri.11.Feb: (HAIRS CUT) 6.48 I SLEPT! (THIS CANNOT BE... IT CANNOT CONTINUE!) And went right off to sleep too! (THIS CANNOT BE... IT CANNOT CONTINUE!) BUT... A DREAM:
Strangers in the flat, come to “look”. Potential “next tenants”. They roamed about “looking” and Mass-hole wandered about, not speaking to me. In fact, it wandered about as if I hadn't been present at all! And, at one point, I went to the “charming couple” and said “You DO know that I'm LOOKING for another place. I've given NO 'notice', and I've no other place found, settled, or other-wise. So I'm NOT leaving on any particular or certain date.” And they simply smiled at me and glanced over to Mass-hole who was “looking” at the “condition” of this place.
AND... at 4.25 I woke, of my own, looked at the clock on the shelf... and my chest was SO TIGHT it could actually be described as “painful”... sickeningly painful. And I pondered getting up because, well, there we had about 6 hours of actual “sleep” and I thought I ought to not go back to sleep because I'd be tired “later”. So I rather “dozed” until... “ting-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling”... the “6.00” alarm... which is about 5.45ish. And I was up and out of the bed. Why? Well... let's just say that the Sherpa is in the basin, draining, as I type. I got THAT done. And coffee at hand. - Out-side? Grey. But the Yardies have breakfast, and I “tried” a half-smoke... my chest is still “off”, a touch “heavy”, congested this morning and won't “clear”. Other-wise... oh, the furnace was running at 4.25 and it's just stopped another run. It's not “cold” out... but it IS DAMP AGAIN! That'll soon end, when, on Sunday, we plummet again. Oh well. - Mornings like this tend to “concern” me. And I can't help but wonder... since “tests” and the likes always seem to show “nothing wrong”, is this mostly my own anxieties? Even when I'm not “anxious”, I probably am. Just the “conditioning” of a life-time. I mean, bills are current, there's really nothing actually “wrong” at the moment, and yet... the heaviness. Is this a “neurosis gone psychosis”? The conditioning of a life-time of “having to bolt and fight and run”? Consciously things are really quite fine... but is there still something UNconscious, lurking and poking at my “system”? They say that Israeli children are born with that “PTSD” because of generations of “stress”, that it DOES effect the cellular level. I have to wonder: are my own cells just in a constant “panic”? - Xanax... Zoloft... I remember those days... and saying “OH MY FUCKING GOD! SO THIS IS WHAT IT'S LIKE TO LIVE LIKE A NORMAL PERSON!” Alas... that was then... followed by being robbed, pushed out, sand dunes, shelter, “felonies”, murder... &c. And the older I get, the clearer “those” days become again and... well... MAYBE that's exactly what THIS is... PSYCHOSIS! And THAT CAN be adjusted! I just need to attend to it. - Oh well... thus is a morning, and soon... my little Heart-and-Soul will be a-calling... a little feathered LIFE, who appears to be happy here, with me, who is the ONLY reason and cause for me to even TRY holding to this existence. When Yonah comes hopping over to meet me, there's nothing... NOTHING else in ALL of Creation. I MUST continue to make certain that he's SAFE... AND FREE OF CARE... NEVER BEING UNCOMFORTABLE... NEVER SUFFERING! I CAN do that for him! I can't do it for me, but I CAN do it for him! He's gone through Hell... and I'll see to it that he NEVER even approaches that again... so long as we both shall live! - Today, meanwhile... I believe I'll start sorting through the “other” images I have scattered all about. I need to sort through the music too... from iPod to lap-top. I wonder why I even bother with the music.. I don't listen to it any more. I really don't. But... It's nice to have, in case. - I keep smelling “mutton”... and then some kind of “fruit”. The “mutton” is me... the “fruit” was in the living-room last night, in the kitchen this morning... and both seem to be “in my nose”... Hmmmm.... curious. “Olfactory hallucinations”. Well, hey, at least I'm not “hearing voices” or “seeing things and other places”.... (yet). - On with the day! -
9.37 Runnings are done... from Deborah's Yardies to a run to market... BUT... A QUICK STOP AT STEWART'S FOR GAS... 4,445 GALLONS AT 4,499$/GALLON BROUGHT IT FROM JUST BELOW TO JUST ABOVE *HALF* A TANK! IT'S UP 20¢/GALLON IN ONLY BUT ABOUT A WEEK! AT THIS RATE, THIS FEDERAL REGIME WILL HAVE THIS COUNTRY ABSOLUTELY FUCKED IN 3 YEARS! IF IT WEREN'T FOR YONAH... I'D SERIOUSLY JUST “CHECK-OUT” !!! BUT I GOT TO CHAT WITH ANNE AT THE MARKET... MASKLESS !!! How long THAT lasts is... I'm fed-the-fuck-up with this world... I truly just am.
BUT... as I walked into the front door and called a “woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo”... from the distance, I received a “woo-HOO!” AND when I walked into Yonah's room, he was there, on the floor, and CAME RUNNING to GREET ME! SO? *MY* WORLD IS PERFECT AGAIN... and I'm not leaving the house... That's that, for that.
16.44 I have had the WORST day where “concentration” is concerned. My mind has been SO at UN-rest and UN-settlement. Just bouncing all over the place. It was OK this morning. I managed to get the flat sheet from Yonah's room, washed, and it's back on his futon. I DID managed to get my little “errands” run, this morning. And the shampoo FINALLY arrived... and it was odd because I'd just stepped out the front door, for some reason (which I can't really recall any more... THAT'S what kind of day it's been) and FedEx pulled up. Imagine that. And too, I DID manage to CUT MY HAIR! AND THAT WAS QUITE ANNOYING. MY EYE-SIGHT IS SO FUCKED-UP THAT FOCUSING ON WHAT I WAS DOING WAS ANNOYING! BUT IT GOT DONE AND I SHOWERED AFTER... WITH THE “SELSUN”, OF COURSE. (I'm not expecting miracles.) - Sitting with Yonah, I started to TRY to sort though the photos and images on the SeaGate drive but, like everything else I've touched over the years, THOSE files TOO, are SO deeply fucked that it's going to take a day when I'm wide awake and raring to have at it. (Yep... we can stuff THAT notion.) - BUT, in my distraction, I happened upon a video that I'd “book-marked”... a “close-up” of a MOURNING DOVE! VERY GOOD QUALITY TOO... AND WHEN I STARTED PLAYING IT, YONAH CAME SOARING FROM HIS PERCH AND TO THE KEY-BOARD TO LOOK CLOSELY. IT WAS ALMOST HEART-BREAKING... IT SEEMED HE WANTED TO TOUCH THE OTHER DOVE! Odd... that... because the decoys and the little “pillow” seem to piss him off. Still, I'm not about to risk a “rejection” of another dove... The saddest bit is... I've FUCKED-UP AGAIN... NOW he seems “with-drawn”. HE DOES recognise another dove! And when it's gone, he appears “lonely”. He's still affectionate with me, but he's “quieter” again. I brought one of the decoys in and put it on the branch in his room but quickly decided... STOP FUCKING ABOUT! All I'm doing is causing him loneliness! So, NO MORE “trying”. If he's “married” to me, and he's OK with it, then I need to stop fucking about. And I am... stopping... right away. - Also, as I sit here, waiting for 17.00 and “meal”... I noticed, in a “selfie” I took of Yonah on my head...
HOLY SHIT DO I EVER LOOK HORRID!!! OLD! FACE SUNKEN! (teeth) SPOTS! THE THINNED HAIR! FUCKING UUUUUUGLY! I'M RATHER AMAZED THAT ANYBODY SPEAKS TO ME... or, maybe they do so out of pity. The hair-cut is OK... BUT FUCK! THE SPOTS ON THE FACE! AND THAT WHAT-EVER IT IS ON MY SCALP! I'M FUCKING FALLING APART! IN THE WORST WAY! (Actually, I'm rather thinking of Denis... HE was BEAUTIFUL in our day! ABSOLUTELY STUNNINGLY HANDSOME... and “Fate and Time” snatched it away, between age and the injuries when he got so brutally attacked and beaten. And to think: others succumbed to pure vanity, looking their best because... well... they HAD to. And ME? My efforts were always in the hopes that SOMEBODY, ANYBODY, WOULD ACTUALLY JUST ONLY LIKE ME! And yet, now, in the “elder years”, Snatched away... there's nothing to even work with any more. Oh well... I'm “OLD”... time to face it and FTW. Besides... I guess I'm OK where Yonah is concerned and you know what? THAT ALL THAT MATTERS! - 19.46 I'm really tired tonight. At least I'm showered and clean. The house is in order. I just wish I knew why I'm so tired so often during a day and, come the moment I'm about to get into bed, something inside me comes to “wake”. Anyway, thankfully even all the linens are clean, done, put where they all belong too. The sherpa is on the rack in the living-room beside the radiator. It's still quite wet, but I didn't ring it dry so it's to be expected. I'm in no rush for it anyway. Tonight is still rather “warm” for February, but tomorrow night we start another plummet into “bitter cold”, so, since that's the heavier of the two sherpas, I'll be happy to have it clean... for the coming days. - And m Heart-and-Soul is tucked-in for the night. (Now I start the nightly anxieties of waiting for that thing next-door to start her bull-shit-of-a-fuckery with tapping, thumping and banging. OH... HOW and WHY do I, the peaceful one, ALWAYS end up with the dregs? It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't hear about how “I don't even know that there's anybody living there... in the next flat.” THEY hear NOTHING from me. *I* have to put up with their stupidity, anti-social psychoses, inconsideration. Well, I'm just happy that Yonah can get some rest. And I thought today, I'm glad for that “futon” against that wall. (I'd REALLY LIKE to ADD another wall of insulation between here and next door, but... I'd rather just get out of here and let the next bit of trash come in and give Mass-hole what he deserves... something that will completely UN-do ALL that I've done in and for this place. OK. I suppose I should be grateful for the low rent and that it hasn't been raised. I'm NOT grateful for not having a lease and I won't EVER forget that remark Mass-hole made to the Demings-shit down the main: “He's on a month-to-month...” FUCK YOU... and - I'm jotting notes again tonight... (and catching up on Saturday at 16.46). I'm just THAT tired! I'm planning on being i n bed ever so very soon now... I shouldn't go “too early”. That's another aspect of a day's end: I'm tired enough to go to bed when Yonah does.. BUT... I KNOW that if I go too early, I'm SURE to be up most of the night with CONTRACTIONS OR... I'll sleep for 6 hours and, let's face it, any earlier than 22.00... I'll be up in the darkness of the night... and worthless (even more-so) during the day. So? So.... Just going to “zone-out” now... I COULD just go to bed but... I'll take “night pills” and give them time to settle, have a nosh, watch some old Brits and hope for peace and tranquility... THROUGH THE BLOODY NIGHT! - The world is complete shit these days. Gas prices will NOT be coming down any time in a future. I figured it: I CAN'T BLOODY-FUCKING WELL LET THE TANK GO BELOW HALF ANY MORE... TO FILL FROM EMPTY WILL COST ME 130$ AT THIS RATE! IMAGINE? I HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH HEATING OIL IS UP TO AT THIS POINT, BUT THE LAST TIME WAS 3,44$/GALLON... AND I'M SURE IT'S KEEPING PACE WITH GASOLINE SO, IT'S PROBABLY UP-WARDS OF 4$ BY NOW. SO, THE LOWEST DELIVERY I COULD GET WILL BE AT LEAST 400$! Biden's pushing a war in Ukraine with Russia. Ev did say that she was afraid that he'd do that. Truth is, he truly IS slow... of mind and other-wise... Talk of “Article 25” I believe it is, to declare him incompetent and boot him. But we'll be even worse if that happens... I'm just grateful I have Yonah here. And honestly, if I hadn't, I probably wouldn't be typing this tonight... or... I'd be typing and printing my “FUCK YOU” to the world and tonight would be my “fare-thee-the-fuck-well”. HEY! Hairs cut, nice and clean... what the fuck and why the fuck not? BUT... BUT... BUT... I have THE BEST LITTLE COMPANION IN CREATION, HIS HEART-BEATS ARE MY HEART-BEATS AND HIS SOUL IS MY SOUL. YONAH HAS A NICE LITTLE HOUSE AND HOME, PLENTY TO EAT AND DRINK, ROOM TO STRETCH AROUND IN, AND WE HAVE EACH-OTHER AND ONE-ANOTHER. THE REST OF THE WORLD? WELL... what-ever we might need that they can provide, I'm going after with GUSTO! Other-wise... here we are and they'd best stay away. - I'm really just so bloody tired.. in general... of the world. And if I get to bed on time, I can get up early tomorrow... and in the peace that is “morning”... get “caught-up”... again. For now... off to being useless... - 22.06 And I wonder: the chest pains... Could they be thos emuscle contractions in my legs... but through my body and that's why they don't show in tests? Hmmmmm.... Oh well... Off to... THE RACK!

Sat.12.Feb: 6.14 Dressed and at table. One little foot-contraction during the night but, head on pillow and OUT last night... up at about 2.30 but momentarily and then back out. And this morning? Well... it's wet out there but not cold, thankfully, and we're rolling. I have yesterdays (plural) journals to get done and... As for the rest of the day? No telling... It all depends... on MY LITTLE GUY! Supposed to be a bit of sun-shine... but rain this morning. -13° tonight! -21 tomorrow night! And more minus-teens to come during the week. Well? Well... I ought to check the oil... but I don't want to. I seem to vaguely recall some thought, during the night, of 1/8 tank! (Oddly... the furnace just started too... It isn't cold in here and it's set at 62F... how odd... Yes... I'll check the oil on the way back in from Deborah's Yardies. For now... moving along.... - 7.53 Yonah was up at 7.03! And I'm back from Deborah's farm! I checked the oil... looking as though we're “on the mark”... due for HALF by March. That seems to be how it runs. Then, a quarter by the end of March and “Heating Season”. I can't believe it but... We shall see. (Also saw that the “Emergency Season” ends on 15 March so....)
*** BUT... ONE ITEM IN THE CELLAR THAT “CONCERNS”... ONE OF THE CEDAR COLUMNS, BESIDE THE OLD COAL BIN, HAD TIPPED... AND STRUCK THE DUCT-WORK! AND IT DIDN'T “FIT” BACK TO WHERE IT WAS ! AND THERE'S MUD AT THE INNER DOOR ! I DON'T RECALL IF THAT HAPPENED BEFORE, BUT NO MATTER... IT HAPPENED NOW AND I DON'T LIKE IT ! WILL HAVE TO FIND SOME WAY OF WEDGING IT BACK PROPERLY... IT'S UNDER THE FUTON IN YONAH'S ROOM! THANKFULLY, THE JOIST BEAM DOESN'T SEEM TO BE “OFF”. STILL... I DO NOT “LIKE” THIS SHIT ! OH... TO BE OUT OF THIS SHIT-BOX!
But, it's a rather clear morning, the river is thawing, as I saw on the drive down the main. Deborah's drive was easy-enough to simply roll up and down, and it's “warmish”... for February... ahead of tonight's PLUMMET! - Now? On with the day. I'm being “woo-HOO!”ed. - 8.36 RENT CHEQUE CLEARED... yesterday, of course, but... RENT CHEQUE CLEARED. - 16.53 I'm only JUST catching-up with these Journals! Yonah's and mine, both... from yesterday! It's been another one of those days where I keep “needing just a lie-down or shut-eye”! WHY WHY WHY am I always SO BLOODY-FUCKING TIRED? As if I don't know... It's “ANXIETIES”! MOST of which stem from that thing next door and the rest is the state of the world... especially locally... Ignorance, inconsideration, general retardation... - I NEED to just focus on this house... AND YONAH! - AND HE'S BEEN AMAZING ALL DAY! I WAS SO WORRIED WHEN HE CALLED THIS MORNING... AT 7.03... AND HIS LITTLE VOICE SOUNDED LIKE A PERSON'S “MORNING VOICE”. I DON'T KNOW THAT BIRDS HAVE “MORNING VOICES”. I WAS IN A RIGHT PANIC WHEN I HEARD THAT THIS MORNING! BUT HE'S BEEN “ATTACHED” ALL DAY, AND CHATTING! I MEAN, TRULY CONVERSATIONAL! AND, THIS AFTER-NOON WHEN I WENT TO THE KITCHEN TO THROW SOME OAT-MEAL TOGETHER FOR MID-DAY PILLS.... HE CAME TODDLING OUT TO THE KITCHEN AND WAS ALMOST TO THE BACK DOOR BEFORE I NOTICED! HE WAS STANDING THERE, LOOKING AT ME! HE'S TAKING COMFORT IN THE REST OF THE HOUSE AT LAST! BUT NOW I HAVE TO BE CAREFUL NO MATTER WHERE I AM BECAUSE.... THERE'LL BE NO TELLING WHERE HE'LL BE AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT. AND HE'S SO TINY AND SO QUIET! STILL... IT DOES MY HEART GOOD TO SEE HIM BECOMING COMFORTABLE OUT-SIDE OF HIS ROOM. - AND, THIS EVENING, AS I PREPPED EVENING MEAL, WE HAD AN ON-GONG CONVERSATION! - 18.30 I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW QUICKLY THE EVENING TURNS TO NIGHT! And to think, I was done eating and washing-up by 17.35! SHIT! - But it's been a most FASCINATING DAY TODAY!
YONAH HAS BEEN IN A GREAT MOOD, AND TALKATIVE LIKE NEVER BEFORE! WE STARTED THE DAY WITH A CONVERSATION, WE HAD ONE WHEN I WENT TO THE KITCHEN TO PREP MY OAT-MEAL FOR LUNCH. WE HAD ANOTHER AS I WAS PREPARING MY EVENING MEAL... AND WE HAD YET ANOTHER AS I WAS FETCHING WATER FOR “EVENING ROUTINE”! WHAT A DAY! AND PLAY TOO! AND CUDDLES, KISSES, SMOOCHES... ALL OF IT!
But what a tired old shit I've become! THREE snoozes today! (All of which were accompanied... and for the longest while, after one of them, Yonah rested on my arm, at the elbow and as I talked to him... he settled-in and CLOSED HIS EYES! HE SNOOZED ON MY ARM AS I SAT ON THE FUTON! )Still, it annoys me and I'd like to know why I'm so fucking tired so fucking often. Plan? I'm not sure about these new “China vits” so I want to take some for a while and then have blood-work done to see... Hopefully, I'll survive. But if I start to feel any the worse... OUT they go! Into the septic tank or, better yet... land-fill else-where. I don't fucking trust ANYBODY any more - Back to the day though, I FINALLY got these Journals caught-up. I don't know why it's so difficult for me to do so, but I get so easily distracted and need to move about! - TWO nice things that I did today though... I put the epoxy on the holes in the Walmarde slippers so, tomorrow, I'll either put another “layer” on or they'll be ready to wear again. (OH! The “poverty”. But even at 6$ or what-ever it costs to replace the epoxy, it's still cheaper than getting another pair... which will cost the gas and time and wear on the truck to get to Ticonderoga or Plattsburgh PLUS the cost of the slippers... which might not even be there so I'll have pissed-away the gas, time and all the rest just for a jaunt! FUKDATSHIT!) AND... I tried some sort of scatter-brained idea too... I put a gloppy coat of the new lotion, “Eucerin”, onto the Red Wings! It's scentless, so there's to “clash” there. And it's already made quite a noticeable difference in them. They have that “worn but well-cared-for sheen”. Next? Well, perhaps another application of Eucerine or a coat of “Abolene” (because that works VERY nicely on leather). Or I'll put what's left of the Lexol on first... and then... eventually, that polish which has beeswax and paraffin in it. After all of this, I wonder how much mildew will return. It's become a “challenge” now... - Oh, as a note: Tonight, I put some potatoes in the pot with the veggies and chicken... and some of them got “cripsy-crunchy”... I CAN'T EAT CRUNCH ANY MORE! The few teeth I have left won't take it and the “gums” are still too sensitive. I'm heading into “THAT” level of “disgusting”! WHO would have EVER thought it possible? Oh well... at least I'm not in The City and don't have a social circle... I've nothing to worry about... And Yonah? Well, I highly doubt my dentals make any difference to him... as long as we're together... and we Love one-another. - OK... That said and noted and jotted... I'm going to put today's works onto the server before this lap-top shits the circuits. It's been fucking about all day. - Oh, as a “BTW”, I happened to look for old Silas on-line today... and... his social medias are gone... there's nothing about him except... the claim that he's... “married”! NOW I AM CURIOUS! HOW AND TO WHAT? BUT, allegedly, he/they're living in SBVT in one of “those” complexes where I THINK I had a patient... who's name I don't recall, but then, I don't recall ANY of them... except “Steve” and I don't recall HIS surname... It's lovely, the shit I've managed to just “release from memory”. - SHIT... 18.51! It's wind-down time!
OH... AND IN CASE IT DIDN'T MENTION: I CHECKED THE OIL TODAY AND COMPARED IT AGAINST LAST YEAR AND THIS YEAR'S USAGE AND IT APPEARS WE'RE ON THE SCHEDULE: HALF TANK BY MID-MARCH... QUARTER BY MAY. YAY!
19.43 Yonah is tucked-in. The furnace was running for a few moments again. What a relief to see the oil today! (What a fuck to have to go to the cellar tomorrow to attend to that column... but it's under Yonah's room... and I'm taking NO FUCKERIE with THAT!) - Tonight's forecast is for -14/-20°! I hope the truck will start in the morning when it's -14/-19°! There are YARDIES to serve in the morning! -15/-21° at 7.00 tomorrow morning! -10/-15° for the “high”... and -22° for tomorrow's low! SHIT! Oh well... we'll hold the oil and keep the house warm anyway. - Other-wise... I approach the “HOUR OF TERROR”... wondering if that thing next door will suddenly take a hammer or some other fuckerie before 22.00! KRISTE! This is NO way to exist... I thought I'd get away from the retardation... it looks as if there's NO escape! But it strengthens my resolve to GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE... no matter how. (And then there's that “dreamlette” bull-shit of the Mass-hole showing this place... BUT... the rent cheque cleared... he took the money... OF COURSE he took the money... Shit-sak.) - OK... I need to move along. - I'd pondered another shower tonight. I don't “need” so I'm not going to bother. Deborah might be back tomorrow at some point but I doubt she'll be stopping any-where before they get home. I'll probably make a run to FamDoll after serving at the farm and then... NOTHING! So if I want a shower... well Ii can and don't must. - For now... the Journals are current. I'll post this and have a snack, a Brit and BED! Or... THE RACK! My back's been bothering me all day... the “support” on all through. One of these days MAYBE SOMEBODY will give a shit and find out what's “wrong”... and MAYBE it can be addressed... like... 10 minutes before my last breath... Oh well... - 22.37 WELL? WE'RE OFF... LATE !!! But as I say: no matter when I get to bed... there's sure to be a night of HELL!

Sun.13.Feb:

Mon.14.Feb: 8.41 I can't believe that it isn't 9.00 yet, and I didn't get out of bed until the “6.30” alarm! But, I managed to sleep-through the night and this morning, woke to that PAIN... NEVER let it be said that there's been a “painless” day, in the left nut and back. Did manage to get the Yardies fed, and there were MOURNING DOVES there first this morning, just as the light of morning struck. So I'm happy about that. AND MY HEART-AND-SOUL WAS UP AT 7.04... and I hadn't even stepped out for first “halfie” yet! So we got his “morning routine” done before all else. And then, put the few “under items” in for the soak... so no lavage to be done. I've managed soc.med, for the a.m. And there's the slightest “sun” trying to break through the clouds. - Today? Deborah due at about 10.45. I NEED to get to the cellar and “repair” that column under Yonah's futon. I'd like, very much, to find that “spring” on the Hill and get plant water today. (The truck needs to run anyway because it was -13/-21° this morning, when I checked... the damned battery's probably frozen already anyway.) AND YONAH'S HOUSE-KEEPING needs to be done too! - Last night, I up-dated the “virus shit” on the lap-top and ran the scan and this morning, the “Off-line” scan as well. This lap-top is growing tired... and I worry... I can't afford ANYTHING AT ALL, until January... 2023! Oh, jolly fukme. - But it's another day... it's “Valentine's Day”... and I'm hoping Deborah doesn't show up with little “gifts”. I don't need any “little gifts” and I really don't want any “little gifts”. What I'd like (and need) is a “little place to call 'home'”... AWAY FROM THIS SHIT-BOX! But that's “Life”... and that's that. And this is another day (which the loard hath made and giv'n). So jolly-toddle on then. Shall we? Let's just shall. - At least I'm settled at Yonah's work table... and he's in another “Hello I'm Here” mood today... my heart is full... and at peace... with him. - 13.42 QUITE THE MORNING...FOR STARTERS... THERE WERE FOUR MOURNING DOVES IN TO HAVE A LATE BREAKFAST ON THE BACK GALLERY TODAY! FOUR! TWO PAIRS! I couldn't tell if they were actual “pairs” BUT IT'S EASIER ON MY HEART WHEN I SEE THE “EVEN NUMBER”... AND I DON'T GET TO THINKING THAT YONAH'S “MATE” MIGHT BE THERE, STILL WAITING FOR HIM TO RETURN... EVEN AFTER ALL THIS TIME. THOUGH, IF SHE IS, THIS IS THE NEW “MATING SEASON”...IT COMMENCES IN FEBRUARY AND I DO IMAGINE THAT BY MID-SPRING, LATEST, IF SHE'S BEEN WAITING... SHE'LL HAVE GOTTEN ON HER WAY TO BEING A “FAMILY” AGAIN... AS DOVES ARE KNOWN TO DO... WELL HELL... PEOPLE DO IT TOO... THE SENSIBLE ONES ANYWAY. (Look at my parents... Look at Gen!) ANYWAY... THAT WAS QUITE THE HIGH-LIGHT OF THE MORNING.. AND... GOT YONAH'S POOL AND TUBING CLEANED, AND HALF OF HIS HOUSE TOO! DEBORAH CAME BY WITH A “GIFT BAG”... A TOTE FROM TJ MAX WITH A “TIMES SQUARE” SCENE AND A NYC TAXI “In case you miss The City”... and in it, a marble “butter” plate in the shape of a heart (quite beautiful too), many candies, 2 tea towels, one with little “scenes” of NY State... from Buffalo to Ticonderoga, and down to “The Big Apple”, the other, blue and white striped. TEA TOWELS! MY WEAKNESS! AND... A LITTLE “THANK YOU NOTE CARD” WITH A FEATHER ON THE ENVELOPE AND A NOTE “This feather greeted me this morning”... and IN THE NOTE CARD, “THANK YOU” FROM DEBORAH AND JULIO AND 50$ TO “BUY SOME TREATS FOR YONAH”! Now... It's not that I can't use the money, but... And yes, I DO understand... it's VERY much as LC put it: “You know how you so like doing things for other people? Well, when you don't let us do something nice for you, you deny US that feeling, and that's just not fair.” Still... To me, that's quite a lot of money! (Although, it's ONE food order for Yonah, to be honest, and, at the price of gas today, only but about a quarter of a tank for the truck, which is almost back down to half again...). Anyway, we chatted. And when she came to see Yonah, he FREAKED AGAIN, TRYING TO GET AWAY! I don't understand it but... And she re-stated “He doesn't need a flock. He has you and he's happy.” (One thing... she kept a “mask” on all the while she was here. I wonder about that.) - Well then, when she left, I GOT TO RE-SETTING YONAH'S HOUSE AND POOL, ALL NICE AND CLEAN. AND IT WASN'T 5 MINUTES AFTER I'D SETTLED EVERYTHING AGAIN... HE WAS IN THE POOL, LOUNGING, SOAKING AND THEN SPLASHING ABOUT !!! HE WAS SO HAPPY TO HAVE HIS POOL BACK, AND CLEAN !!! WHAT A JOY TO THE HEART TO SEE HIM SO HAPPILY SPLASHING !!! - That done, I took a quick leave... Went out, started the truck. It sounded HORRIBLE! I can't figure what makes the noise, other than, perhaps some fluid that was so cold. The sun shone on it all morning... for as long as, and it was warm-enough in-side, but... I counted, casually, THREE minutes, and it sounded better by then. The gauges were fine... no dash lights on, so... I HEADED UP THE SIMONDS HILL RD TO FIND THE SPRING! OH... BUT THE TRUCK WAS NOT HAPPY GOING UP THE HILL, BUT I TOOK MY OWN DAMNED SWEET TIME ABOUT IT AND... made it all the way to the top and... NO SPRING to be seen! AND, of course, when I got to the top and had to turn round... TRAFFIC! IN THE MIDDLE OF FUCKING-NO-WHERE! But, I simply backed-up, turned round and came slowly back down. 3,some-thing miles ... well... the truck got run so I suppose that's good. Still, I'll have to HOPE to get to talk with Mike and ask where the spring is. (Had to water the orange tree with tap. I'm sure it's not going to appreciate that, but it HAD to be watered!) - NEXT? Down t o the cellar... TWO BLOODY POLES WERE OVER !!! SO I HAD TO POUND THEM INTO PLACE WITH A ROCK. AND NOW I AWAIT THE “COMMENTS” FROM Mme. SHITSAK. BUT... I'LL GET TO TELL HER HOW FUCKED THIS OLD SHIT-BOX IS! MORON! - Check the oil... NOT AT HALF YET! YAY! But, we have a BITTER spell coming... Hopefully, we won't get to “half” before March, BUT... last year April, it was at a quarter... we MIGHT be on the same roll this year... IF it gets to a quarter by beginning of March, I WILL call for and “Emergency” and see what I can get out of those shit-bags. - Anyway... it's DONE! The items I wanted to get to today are done... save actually GETTING water... and I REALLY CAN'T get any from the river because the falls and the bridge are frozen, and though the falls have SOME running water, there's no way I can get to it with-out risking a “splash”. So? So... But I went to look and I ran the truck. That's important. - Now? Yonah is on the back of the chair. The sun is shining in. The house is “re-settled”, I'm exhausted and a little hungry... bu tit's 14.03... too early for evening meal... too late to eat anything substantial. So? SNOOZE-TIME! And then... catch-up with Yonah's journal. - (I still have to file my claws too. And Yonah's... and his beak... but I'm not going to push my luck where Yonah is concerned. I WISH HE'D peck at the rocks or something!) - 20.08 Yonah is tucked-in... I've gotten ALL of his photos, videos and Journal ready for up-loading! (Imagine that!) I've taken my “evening pills”... and after an application of “Eucerin” and “Albolene”, and a wipe-off, I've put the Red Wings into produce bags and since tonight is expected to be about -21°, I've put them on the back gallery for another “deep freeze”! If there's ANYTHING “alive” in there... all this freezing ought to be rid of it! And there's still quite a lot of food on the tray for the Little Ones in the morning! BUT... I'll put out more of the “peanut-sun-flower” mix before day-break. They'll need it after another bitter night. - (AS I'M TYPING... THERE'S THAT “TAP-TAP-TAP-TAP-TAP-TAPing” FROM THE FRIDGE AGAIN! IT SOUNDS LIKE SOME-THING/BODY IS IN THERE, TAPPING TO BE LET OUT! FUCKING FREAKY, THAT SHIT! IT'S HAPPENED BEFORE TOO. I SWEAR... WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS IT WITH THIS SHIT-BOX? IF IT'S “GHOSTS”... WELL THEN, C'MON, SIT DOWN, LET'S SCHMOOZE! I'M INTERESTED IN KNOWING THE HISTORY OF THIS PLACE! I wonder what Ms. Nextdoor would have to say about such things... Dolt!) - I move on... There really isn't much to add right now. I'm hoping for a shower before bed tonight. There's a bit of a “fragrance” that I've noticed... and that's aside from...
Yesterday and today, I keep getting whiffs of some sort of “after-shave” or “spicy” men's fragrance, and then, a whiff of a “milder”, more “elegant” cologne! NO clue where it's coming from. (Maybe it's the one/s in the fridge?) Anyway... if I ever get to tell somebody... somebody who'll be likely to spread the word... HAH! On this place!
But seriously, I truly could use a shower... - And although the oil situation looks good, I'll be turning the furnace down again tonight... Yonah will be fine... his radiator doesn't keep his room “hot” but it does keep it “warm”. (And the furnace is kicking-up... set at 65F. Hmpf! Ah... MUST remember... 15 March is the cut-off! If I need, I'll kick and scream... “Senior Citizen Freezes To Death In Essex County”!) - On that note... I'm posting this to the servers. I didn't have dessert after meal (though I've had several “jellies” that were in a bag... from Deborah... I could finish ALL the candy... but I won't.) - Tomorrow... MUST work on a “Thank you” for her! That cash still makes me uncomfortable but it WILL be nice to have to get something for Yonah! - 22.37 BLOODY SHIT! NO SHOWER! TOO LATE. OH WELL... Nothing to take me out of the house tomorrow so if I'm “offencive”, I'll offend me. There's no excuse for being this late. Just... that “zone-out” with Brits. Stupid, really. I'm so tired all day, looking forward to a shower and bed, until the hour when...

Tue.15.Feb: 7.00 AND... waiting for... THE CALL! - Slept through the night but... at about 4.25... CONTRACTION... RIGHT leg this time. AND... I managed, some-how, to relax it with-out getting out of the bed, and dozed-off until the 6.00 alarm which I turned off and laid there, “pondering the day”, as I do and the next thing I heard was... the 6.30 alarm, which is some-where round 6.15. BREAKFAST ON THE GALLERY! I got up and into the “morning roll”. Now? Dressed. And checked the thermometer on the front porch... 0F. So there we have it. The sky is clear, of course. More cold to come. - The furnace has been running though. It was chilly in the house at 62F so I set it at 65F and... what a difference. Hey, at least it isn't “frozen” in here. - Feeling this morning? Well... the “usual”... a bit of tightness in the chest and breathing is annoying. Sneezing. There's a “something” in the right sinus. Other-wise... “just another day in paradise”. - 7.06 MORNING CALL... CLEAR AND STRONG !!! TIME TO GET ME ROLLING ALONG! MY LITTLE HEART-AND-SOUL IS UP AND ABOUT... WE HAVE A DAY TO CONFRONT... TOGETHER - 14.50 Well... the sun's finally shining and THE TRUCK STARTED RIGHT UP AND I LET IT RUN FOR ABOUT 5 MINUTES SO THAT'S THE *GOOD NEWS*... THE NYSEG BILL ARRIVED TODAY... AND I'M *BEHIND* ALMOST 600$ ALREADY. THAT'S THE *REALLY BAD NEWS*. In other news... I managed to print ONE “photo” on full page and the printer is fucked. So there's a bit more “*bad news*”. And in other news... It's been QUITE the day with Yonah who has been “on the shoulders” again today. NOW THAT'S THE GRANDEST GREATEST NEWS EVER - I'm feeling “icky”, but that's because of the printer and the electric bill. But you know? We've been “here” before and... there are options. My chest feels like it's being “thumped” with a blunt ram-rod, but that too isn't anything “out of the ordinary” of recent months... maybe years. And so... - I have journalling to catch-up with. I have some pages on Yonah's site that need “modifications” and “up-dates”. I have “things” that need to be done... - OH! I GOT THE WATER-COLOUR PAPER BIRD DONE FOR DEBORAH! NOT AS *PERFECT* AS I'D LIKE BUT DAMNED GOOD! One thing is for certain though: MY EYES ARE FUCKED TOO! SO... I've been thinking “colonoscopy, dental, diabetes, what-ever”...
***** YONAH AND I MIGHT HAVE ANOTHER 20 YEARS TOGETHER. IF THAT'S THE CASE, I NEED TO GET ME TOGETHER SO TO BE HERE FOR HIM FOR THAT TERM! AND THAT'S THE FACT, JACK! *****
19.21 The day is done and aside from making the bird for Deborah, starting the truck, a brief visit with Robin (who asked John Senior where the “spring” is and he gave the same obscure directions so I STILL don't know... I'm tired of hearing “It's right there, on the left, there's a pipe with water coming out”... BULL-SHIT!)... I can't really say WHAT I've done with this day! There's been NOTHING in e-mails either! Strange. I did get some more info onto Yonah's site-page for “Cage-Care”. But I'm just feeling so “un-accomplished”. It's been an odd sort of day. The late sun didn't help. BUT THIS EVENING I NOTICED THAT THE SUN IS NOW SETTING DIRECTLY INTO THE LIVING-ROOM SOUTHERN WINDOW AT LAST! AND WITH THAT TREE GONE FROM ACROSS THE MAIN, IT WILL SOON COVER THE ENTIRE FRONT OF THE HOUSE IN THE EVENING! AND AT A SEASON WHEN IT WILL BE MOST APPRECIATED! (I HAVE 5 MONTHS TO BRING THE ELECTRIC BILL BACK DOWN TO “NORMAL”... BELOW THE 50$ LINE!) - Anyway, that said. TONIGHT IS MUST SHOWER and Yonah is tucked-in. I'm about to have pills, a little nosh, glean soc.meds., a Brit and to BED! I'm TIRED! And tomorrow... MORE CATCH-UP WITH JOURNALS. SO... on that note... - 22.40 showered and off to bed. it's been “a day”... BUT IT'S BEEN A DAY WITH YONAH! I'M AS CONTENT (though exhausted,as usual) AS I COULD POSSIBLY BE! Now... off to “the rack”. Nice hot shower, scrubbed clean... BRING ON THE PAINS!

Wed.16.Feb:10.29 In from checking the (no) posts. The skies are clear. The sun is shining. THE WINDS ARE BLOWING! AND THE OLD MAPLE TREE IS CREAKING! SOUNDS AS THOUGH IT'S ABOUT TO SNAP AT THE NEXT GUST! Oh well... “The winds of change”! - Just up from an attempted snooze... with Yonah who was ALL OVER me as I laid there. He's REALLY “close” these days. It's DELIGHTFUL! AND... HE WAS UP AND ABOUT BEFORE I EVEN HAD TIME FOR A MORNING SMOKE ON THE PORCH THIS MORNING! WOW! - 14.11 I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT THIS DAY IS PASSING SO FUCKING QUICKLY! I've gotten Yonah's Journal up to date, have taken 2, 20-minute snoozes an started bread and that's about it for “accomplishments”! SHIT! And it was in the bowl for over an hour and... IT'S NOT RISING! Of course, I used the “cream” from the frozen milk and all milk, no water when mixing. Too much “fat” no doubt. I used to put butter in my bread and when I told Oma, I remember her saying: “I don't know how it rises, with all that fat.” Well? Of course, she was correct. I just wanted to use the cream and left-over milk (that I'd bought to make custard and never did). So it's used. What comes of it is to be seen. - Mean-while, my body is “off” today, again. I didn't have any “contractions” last night (that I recall), but didn't want to get out of bed at 6.00-ish this morning. Nothing new there. And my mind keeps telling me it's “Thursday”. I don't know. - BUT, THIS MORNING COMMENCED AT 7.09! I'd been moving along, steadily, thinking that I was making “good time” with the regular “routine” of a morning and just as I was getting ready to step out for a smoke... “woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo”... SO... THE WORLD STOPPED! MY LITTLE HEART-AND-SOUL WAS AWAKE! AND NOTHING BUT NOTHING SUPERSEDES YONAH! AND HE WAS CHATTY THIS MORNING, AND ENERGETIC! AND FOR THE ENTIRE MORNING, AS I SAT, TRYING TO CATCH-UP WITH HIS JOURNAL, HE'S BEEN PLAYFUL, ON MY SHOULDERS AND BACK. IT'S A *** TOGETHER *** DAY! LOVIN' AND CUDDLIN' AND HE EVEN SNOOZED WITH ME BOTH “TRIES”. ALTHOUGH HE DIDN'T “SNOOZE”... HE HOPPED ALL OVER MY FACE AND HEAD, TODDLED UP AND DOWN FROM SHOULDER TO FEET. A TRULY *** TOGETHER *** DAY! - And, out-side, the winds are still blowing but the temperature is rising... Météo claims it's -1° but it feels SO “comfy”. Then again, after -13 and -20... this IS comfy! And today's “high”... 2°... tonight's “LOW”... 2°. Today is that weird day when the High and Low were to be the same. I'm not complaining, though the furnace has been running... TOO FUCKING MUCH all day. This house... takes a chill and won't let it go. Must be “dead”... must be. - Well, at least Yonah and I are together... - I HAVE TO GET TO WORK ON DEBORAH'S “THANK YOU”! Still trying to come up with something nice... to go with the “paper bird” that's still on the rack in the kitchen... looking quite nice though. (I wonder if the printer is working... will have to try.) And I need to put heat to the bread... or what-ever it becomes. - AND... I want to work on the “Companionship” page on Yonah's site! - I'm just TIRED! (And still stalling with the call to make an appointment with Dr. Hmpf.) - 18.19 WIND STILL WHIPPING but at least it's not a BITTER-COLD WIND! - Meal done... wish I could have chewed it. - The break came out cakey but soft-crusted and it did rise... a bit. Tasty. Had some with peanut-butter and honey for dessert. - Yonah's waters are changed and I'm off to re-join him. - I'm so tired! But, oddly enough, I feel better... usually happens after evening meal. BUT I CAN'T AFFORD TO EAT LIKE THIS ALL DAY! Not to mention, at the rate these teeth are disappearing, it won't be long before I won't be eating at all! - 21.31 I've eaten ENTIRELY TOO MUCH CANDY! Those non pareils from Deborah (that I believe she got at a Duane Reade). I didn't eat the entire package (thankfully), but my body's “floating” and my head is “spinning” and I can tell... TOO MUCH SUGAR! - And I've been working on Yonah's “Companionship” page and getting his Journal caught-up (AGAIN)... (and this one's still behind... oh well... but not really... just that I'm putting so much into Yonah's and keeping this one to, well, what-ever else. And now it's gone late... so... - I'm just glad I got my “necessary” printing done today. I had to “clean” the cartridge for the black ink, with a swab and alcohol and even then, the printer decided to fuck about. Ah... 30$... what did I expect? But I got it all done. Now, tomorrow, we'll work on the card for Deborah. - THE WIND IS STILL BEATING EVERYTHING ON EARTH TONIGHT! THANKFULLY IT ISN'T BITTER-COLD! Though the furnace has been running again and I don't like THAT! Tomorrow it's supposed to rain through the day. Hopefully the truck will start and run for a bit. (And I don't like rain... with all the rust on the doors now... they're going to have to be replaced soon... FUCK ME!) - But, for now... I'm going to throw this onto the server... call it “done”. I'll be in bed soon... (and, please, not in a coma... especially if I have CONTRACTIONS... I think about that... being in hospital and unable to get up and move the contractions out... ) - And yes... I DO believe I'll be talking to Demuro about all sorts of “tests”... “If it's covered by insurance... RUN IT!” (AND... I'm going to stress the back trouble and see if I can't get an x-ray at least... If I destroyed my back at 5225 like I suspect... gee... I wonder if I can't sue the dreams out of old Bobo. Oh... 'tis to LOL... fuck me.) - Enough... I'm “floating”... time to stop all this. - 23.14 Caught up with soc.med. Haven't eaten anything more but am feeling like SHIT! I mean... “pass out” sort of shit. Tired. SO tired. Almost feeling “drunk”. Sugar? Read on diabetes 1 and 2... hypo/hyperglyciemia. Apparently diabetes can cause hypo too. Well... imagine. And I have 3/5 Sx. especially with the vision and floaters. Oh well... I have that on my check list. - And earlier, I smelled “lumber” burning. Went out for a smoke and checked the lights next door. It's there... or at least the lights and TV are on. Thankfully it's being quiet. Although I wonder what happens later on in the night... BANG? when it goes to bed... at dawn? - The wind is still blowing... I don't want to be asleep if the power goes out. - I'm almost afraid to go to sleep now anyway with the way I'm feeling. But 6.00 is coming soon and I MUST be up for Yonah! So... I'm going to try to psych me into a “nap”... It's going to be a rough day tomorrow with this. - Sugar... candies... I know better. - OK... “SNOOZE”... with alarms... especially for the electric. - OH... OIL? 4,36$/gallon! SO... there's NO WAY IN HELL I'll be getting another delivery... unless it's an “Emergency”... and it just might be. (I'll have to check if we've hit the “half” yet... we still have to get through March... AT THE VERY LEAST!) Oh hellll... no matter what... I won't be able to pay the electric balance come July... If there's “help” out there this year... I'll thank the Libs and take it! Fuck this shit. - Off to try for that nap...

Thu.17.Feb: 7.32 Feeling shitty... to be honest. “Funny” in the sinuses, “heavy” in the chest, “constricted” in the lungs, “fuzzy” in the eyes, and pissed-off at the “world”, in general. Half-slept until 2.00 this morning. Had 2 alarms set through the night. 2.00 and 5.00, to make sure that the electric was on and the house was “safe”. As I say, I half-slept until just before the 2.00 which, at 1.58, I turned off. Woke to the 5.00, laid in the bed, looked at the alarm clock on the wall, saw it was OK, smelled the air... no stench of burning, drifted back off... heard the 6.00 alarm, turned it off, dozed-off again, had a disturbing dream about a gal who had “special” eye-glasses that compensated for “off vision” in one eye. One lens was thicker, at an angle. She held them to my eyes and I noticed the slightest distortion through that lens but nothing much. Was concerned about my own vision and... the 6.30 alarm. I turned it off, ALMOST went back to sleep but remembered “breakfast on the back gallery” and got up out of the bed. It wasn't necessary because all of yesterday's food was still there so I got to the regular routine... coffee. I was in the loo, having a small but “effective” BM when... 7.04... “woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo”... and so, got dressed, “morning routine”, and quick halfie on the front porch in the rainy morn and... Oh... at about 6.50... that thing next door was up and about, and so, THAT put my mood over the edge. Now? Just feeling “not quite right”... arms achey, I'm fatigued, of course... late to bed, not really having slept... and general pissiness of a day. I could/should go back to bed... or a “snooze” on Yonah's futon. I might. I just feel horrible, getting up, getting his house in order and then going to sleep... He's “chatty” this morning and it's not fair to him... And my upper-front teeth feel “floaty” this morning, but that could be my sinuses... and the “tightness” in the chest is back. I could go to the ER but they'll just aggravate me, keep me there for HOURS only to say that everything's fine, give me a general Dx of something and send me on my way... and then send me a bill. And THAT TOO, pisses me off. It's a morning of being pissed-off... tah-the-fucking-dah. - BUT... MY LITTLE HEART-AND-SOUL SEEMS TO BE FINE THIS MORNING, SO? FTW! YONAH IS HERE, WE'RE TOGETHER... WE'LL HANDLE THIS DAY... TOGETHER... YES WE WILL! - (The truth in the matter is that, when I feel so “generally shitty”, I worry about being “here” for Yonah which increases anxieties which makes me feel all the worse. I need to address, rectify and correct that.) - Oh... and, as the furnace kicks, and it's not set that high and it's not that cold in here or out there, I remember the cost of oil... it's HIGHER than it was in Richford! Well? I'll check the level and if/when needed, call for an “EMERGENCY HEAP”. I'm NOT putting-up with THAT shit too! And if necessary... I believe I'll call for help with the electric too! This fuckerie of a “government” wants to be a fistful of arse-holes? Fine, indeedie... LET'S ROCK AND ROLL... shit-babies! - 10.46 Napped. Awakened by Deborah's knock. She brought cookies, but didn't stay. “Repairman” due at the house. - Feeling? WAS better, but that shit next door is up and about. My trouble with the chest pain must be ANXIETY! I was fine until... thump thump thump. It's this place. It must be! And me... being annoyed most of the time. - Anyway, the rains have stopped and the 5° on the porch thermometer feels quite “comfy”. But the furnace was running anyway... set at 65F. Alas. - Oh well... on with the day. - 16.59 I CAN'T GET RID OF THE “ROCK” IN MY CHEST! HOURS of sleep, waking to feel quite better, but only for about 30-45 minutes... and a constant need of a BM but there's really nothing there. I'm tired. This ROCK is painful at times. I had a ginger tizane which helped a bit but... the ROCK is still there! I'm wondering if this isn't the tea-tree oil I put on a little “tag”... Tonight... SHOWER! We'll see if that makes any difference. - 20.32 TIRED! Pills taken. Yonah's site is to-the-moment. The rain is still falling but the temperature is supposed to do the same tonight... MORE BLOODY ICE TOMORROW, NO DOUBT, AND I WANT TO MAKE A TOWN RUN! Oh well... Bad enough the truck is wet! I'd like to get that “Flex Tape” on the door(s). But... 'tis not to be. With my life, the door will rust, the shit will fall off and I'll have a hole to contend with. Oh well... - At least the furnace isn't running. - But Yonah was tucked-in at 19.30 (OH JUST JOLLY BLOODY-FUCK ME IN THE LITERAL... THE FUCKING BLOODY GOD-FORSAKEN FURNACE KICKED ON JUST AS I'D TYPED “At least the furnace isn't running” !!! WHAT, IN THE BLOODY FUCK'S NAME? WHO OR WHAT THE FUCK IS READING MY MIND, THIS SCREEN, MY WORDS? WHAT? WHO? WHAT? IN FUCK'S NAME ???? REALLY! REALLY? REALLY !!! FUCK !!!) Moving along... I'm feeling quite a bit better than I've felt all day, right now. Not “perfect” not even “good”, but the “heaviness” in the chest, the pain, even the head-ache are lighter, lesser, “better”! The only thing I did is to remove the little band-aid that was on that little tag. BUT... I'm SHOWERING before bed! I HAVE to wonder if it isn't the tea-tree oil! KRISTE! To be THAT allergic is FRIGHTENING! I'll have to find another “home remedy”... or put up with the consequences. I'm just ... never mind... NOT typing it and NOT thinking it... - In other news... There are two containers of “French Vanilla” in the freezer and I don't want to open either so... BUT NO CANDY-BINGE tonight either. I'm sure all the sugar last night must have played some role in today's “malaise”. I really need to have all of these shits addressed... teeth and all... and soon! Ah... money... but that's not coming again for at least another 3 years... at the rate this fucking shit-hole country is going. And things are even worse in Canada of late. WOW! To think... instead of moving here, to NY, I was actually going to move to QC! What a miss! - Hey... had I moved to QC though, I most seriously doubt I'd be typing this tonight... I'd've been “gone”... WAY BEFORE NOW! - Anyway... the day, other than the work on Deborah's card (which STILL isn't done) was a waste, as far as “doing”. - BUT I HAD ALL THOSE HOURS AND THAT NAP WITH YONAH! SO THE REST IS ... NOT WORTH THE SPACE TO TYPE ABOUT !!! - I'm posting this to the server tonight... having a LITTLE nosh, getting a scrubby shower in and off to bed! What tomorrow does is tomorrow's business. I know what I'd LIKE to do but... we'll deal with the day when it confronts us. IF YONAH IS THE DAY... I'll have one. We shall see. - 22.40 SHOWERED!

Fri.18.Feb: 7.02 Funny (?) how one gets to a point where one wakes in the morning thinking “Well... I can make a run into town today, pick-up some things at the general and market. There are a few little things I'd like to get done during the day. The house needs Hoovering.” and other little activities to pass the day-light hours. And, as one is thinking thusly, one also thinks “I don't mind dying, really. It's not so much a curse as it is a blessing, especially when you've experienced 'life' and come to realise the futility and uselessness of human evolution.”....
7.06 YONAH IS UP! So yes, I WILL be “doing”.
19.55 it was a day... I'd slept through last night and turned the 6.00 alarm off... woke with the 6.30 because of a CONTRACTION, BUT... I HAD to get up then anyway so... it was OK. And as we see from the comment that opens today, it was one of “those” mornings... just “heavy”... in thought and other-wise... UNTIL “woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo”... which changed EVERYTHING! FOR THE BETTER. - The roads HAD frozen last night. The Hill was covered in “cracked ice”! There was little traffic and there was an e-mail from Deborah... the river had been blocked with ice jams and they were all but stranded! Apparently, some of the bank had been washed away too and her drive was solid ice. What a way to start the day! - And the pee-oh didn't open until after 9.00 this morning. I got to chat, briefly, with Robin. She said that the road to Liztoon was fine. Deborah said the main down her way was quite flooded. Oh well... - But the sun did make an appearance, though the temperatures didn't rise much. - Morning routine with Yonah was a pure delight. He was in good spirits this morning and so too, was I. - And as the morning rolled... well... THE PRINTER IS NOW SHIT! I EVEN TOOK IT APART AND CLEANED IT WITH ALCOHOL BUT... IT'S FUCKED! WELL... 30$ FOR A “CANON”... FUKKIT! I'll just have to work more on Deborah's card now... tomorrow. - I DID manage to get the truck started... right away... at about 11.30-ish and rolled in for smokes and groceries. FamDoll... I bought THE LAST 2 PACKS OF CAMELS... AND THEY'RE THE LONGS! There's to be a lot of “halfies” now. BUT... NO SMOKES? THIS WHOLE BUSINESS OF “SUPPLY CHAIN” AND SUCH IS BULL-SHIT. But I have a gut feeling I'm about to live the ultimate devastation of the old “USA”... I always figured it would happen... I just never thought I'd live it! I can't be bollocksed. I'm tired of it all anyway. - But I made it to market as well... got a bunch of “stuff”... and THEY had the “Van-Pomegranate” juice today so I got TWO! AND I got prune juice... just to “cleanse”, since I've been feeling horrid of late. Also, 2 tins of beets and an onion..... AND TODAY... I MADE BORSCHT! (I also got chicken... and that's making me sick looking at the size of the breasts! They're not “natural”...they're not “normal”! They're almost hideous. No wonder half of one is enough for a meal! WTF?) - Anyway... into the borscht I tossed a back of “Ital Mix” veggies too, then ran it through the “Ninja” and that made a paste to which I added more water and, from a half-pot of “purée... I now have 3 bowls in the fridge! AND the chicken! FOOD! For tonight's “meal”, I put a half breast in the plate and poured the borscht over. DELICIOUS! - Also had the prune juice and it worked in about an hour's time... as I Hoovered Yonah's room and the rest of the house. AND I HAVE TO SAY THAT IT WORKED AGAIN... I DON'T KNOW WHAT BUILDS IN MY SYSTEM, BUT I DON'T SHIT MUCH IN A DAY, BUT THE PRUNE JUICE FINDS MORE TO GET RID OF AND WHEN I'M DONE “CLEANSING”, WELL... I'VE FELT MUCH BETTER SINCE! AND, WITH THE BEETS TONIGHT... We'll see how tomorrow goes. - And tomorrow, I have WORK to do on Deborah's card! No printing! Oh well... - I'm noticing a “change” in my bottom-front teeth tonight. Seems to be a bit of a “space” again. I hope they're not shifting again! Oh... I HAVE to have these teeth addressed! - Well... 20.12. Yonah's Journal page is ready for up-loading and I'm going to get this one to the servers too. I want to be IN bed AT 22.00 tonight! And there's “vanilla” ice cream waiting too. - Tomorrow? Well... more “chill”. I might take a stroll to the river for water, but I don't expect to be able to get to it... I'm sure it's flooded down there too. We shall see... Tomorrow is tomorrow.... - 21.56 Just barely made it... “late”, but MAYBE I'll get settled on “the rack” in 4 minutes. “THE RACK”. What a horrid way to think of a “bed”... at night...

Sat.19.Feb: 6.56 Dressed an such and the WIND, from the South, slams the house... there's a light floconerie again, this morn. And another day commences... And I didn't put the thermostat down last night and the furnace is running. Oil is over 4$/gal. Oh well... as i thought last night as I pulled the blankets up: “We've been through worse.” and here we are. - The “tightness” is in the chest, but then, if there are “more granulomas” in there... I'd like to see, but maybe it's best I don't. So? So... this is how it's going to be. “Dung-lung”... I've no doubt. Hey! You wanted to “try” living in VT and so you did. And here you are. And there you have it. - Now? 7.00... and... the “woo-HOO-hoo-hoo” is to come and the day will “be”... and all will “be well”. - Nothing, really, but Deborah's card on the agenda. On we roll. - -9/-17° out there. -2 for the high. -16 for tonight's low and then... after tomorrow, 3 days of plus single digits... and then... back to this. “February”... - 8.14 WELL? Morning routine is complete and... the flocons have turned to “snow”. Ah... so... a day in the house (as if that's any different from any other day). And I just want to note: somebody shovelled the snow from the “steps-end” of the pee-oh ramp, but the pavement at the bottom “flooded” and froze. There's a lovely cover of snow on that ice... Well? If somebody uses it... - Moving along... - At 7.11 came a “woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo” and it was a “chatty” beginning to the day. Yonah is now in the orange tree, and I'm about to remove from the house and join him. THIS is my DELIGHT! - 16.39 WELL-HELL AND AWAY WE GO! AT LAST... DEBORAH'S “THANK YOU” CARD GOT FINISHED... BUT... I COULD have had it done DAYS ago! After ALL the work, trying to get an “oval” matte to double-matte the photo, it ended-up just a plain rectangle! You know... there are those moments when “FUKME” just doesn't cover it! BUT... now I just have to write the note AND FIGURE A WAY TO PRESENT THE PAPER BIRD. THAT'S going to be a problem... I have boxes... too large, too small. I have a “gift bag” (from Deborah)... too small. So I'm thinking I'll be making a “gift bag”... There's a LOT more work in this than I'd expected. Of course, what doesn't help AT ALL... is the fact that my eyes are SO FUCKED-UP! (I REALLY HAVE NO CHOICE ANY MORE... When I make the appointment with Demuro, I'm going ask about an ophthalmologist. There's one listed as being affiliated with the same “clinic” ... I HATE THAT TERM... “CLINIC”... How I miss the days when I had “a doctor”... Oh well... “OLD”. We get old, we get fucked, we die... we're forogtten.) ANYWAY... My eyes are fucked, my co-ordination seems fucked, my hands are fucked... OLD! Fuck. But things are done. - AND IT SNOWED AGAIN TODAY! WOW... DID IT EVER SNOW! This morning's flocons just built to all-in-all-out SNOW! But... presently, the sun is in the sky, PLUNGING behind the mountains, and a LOT of the snow has melted! So I don't suppose there's any “bitching” to be done. - As a note: MY UPPER FRONT TEETH FEEL “ODD” AGAIN THIS EVENING... SINUSES? I CAN ONLY HOPE. THERE'S ANOTHER EXPENSE I CAN'T AFFORD... AND NO INSURANCE TO HELP! I don't know how people do it! But... My first WORRY... will the truck hold long enough to have all of this taken care of? The dental is going to be Plattsburgh. I'm betting any “eye-work” will be in Plattsburgh too. OR... Saranac Lake. No matter where... DRIVING! HAHAHAH! (And, the colonoscopy shit... no pun intended... that I've been reading says that I'll need somebody to drive me home. OH HAHAHHAH... FUCK!) - BUT BUT BUT...
Yonah and I have had a WONDERFUL, BUT TOO SHORT DAY! We snoozed. We played. He was ALL OVER THE WORK TABLE as I worked on the card. He's SO SO SO comfortable in the room, with me, on me... and I'm noticing that he likes to “snooze” on the pillow that I lay on in the futon! Yeah... I MUST take care of me to take care of him! I MUST! But WHAT A DAY WE HAD TOGETHER! It started with “chats” and went on to be SO CLOSE TOGETHER ALL DAY! I AM SO SO SO EXTREMELY EXCEEDINGLY INDESCRIBABLY BLESSED AND HONOURED. I TRULY AM!
And now... 16.51... Yonah has had his “evening meal”... and I'm having more borscht with a hunk of chicken again tonight... Easy digest. Maybe tomorrow we'll hit another “prune juice”... just to... what-ever. But I've felt “better” today than I did all day yesterday (until the “flush”). - And Yonah's photos are ready for the servers. It's just a matter of Journal and ... HEY! Maybe tonight I'll get to “the rack” BY 22.00 again... to be up ... again ... at 1.20 with a bleating CONTRACTION... like THIS morning. Well? I KNEW, when I went to bed last night, that I'd be up through the night with the pains... Luckily it was only once through... and then the one in the foot as I woke this morning. - OK... toddling to table... - A “good day”... thus far, all told. - 20.01 The house is settled. Yonah reminded me at 19.33 (what an hour) this evening, that it was “seepie-nigh-night” time! I'd moved back to the work table after evening meal (more borscht and a hunk of chicken with a little ice cream after), and had gotten involved with his Journal and, because I'd already closed the windows and put up the back board, was typing along when he, on his door perch, called “woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo”. When I looked up and saw the hour, I said “I'm sorry! It's seepie-nigh-night time.” and he headed right up for his perch! As much as I want him to get a good night's sleep, it PAINS me to have to “close the day” and NOT be with him! But... he was ready AND HE DID MAKE THE NOTICE OF IT! So... tuck-in... with cuddles, snuggles and kisses. And so now, here I sit, in the silent house at the kitchen table. His pages are all coded and ready for up-load. I'm happy about that. - Mean-while, the sun had come out for a brief while this evening and had melted most of the snows of today. I'm a bit amazed at that. BUT... we must have had QUITE THE SNOW-FALL with-in about an hour and... well... even the main is white! One set of tyre tracks. Hmmm... Météo says it's -6/-13... and tonight... -19/24 by 6.00 tomorrow morning. SHIT! Ah BUT... -4 for tomorrow's HIGH AND tomorrow's LOW! Go figure THAT... and then... 6,5,4 for Mon-Wed... single digits until Wednesday night... when we go back to -15. Oh well... Tomorrow and Monday (HOLIDAY), some sun. I can only hope. - Tomorrow, I'll check the oil... just to check... in case... and if I HAVE to call on Tuesday for and “Emergency”? So be it! I'm TIRED of this bull-shit! I'm also annoyed tonight. My bottom-front teeth seem to have “space” between them... but it seems they're WEARING... BETWEEN THE TEETH! NOW I'M WORRIED THAT THEY'RE GOING TO SNAP! So, tomorrow, I'll check my “policy” for insurance and see what I've got for Dental and Vision... not much, I expect, but... Maybe if a doctor can insist that the dental is essential to over-all health and “existence”... but then... I don't “know” Demuro... and I don't believe he carers any more or less about me, individually, than the rest of those twats at the Liztoon abattoir. We shall see... as I say... I just hope the truck will take me to and from where-ever I might have to go. - BUT... no matter... Yonah is in good spirits and health... and truthfully... so long as I'm able to give him ALL that he needs to be happy and healthy... the rest is immaterial. - And now... I'm having a hot water... have taken night pills. Time to post all to the servers, have a little more ice cream (A LITTLE more), a bit of Brit and off to bed. Tomorrow, I want to write the note to Deborah and “package” the little paper bird. When I'll deliver it is... well... when I do. - 20.27 All on the servers... Off to close the day. - 21.55 TO THE RACK! And -24 chill. Charming! At least the furnace isn't running.

Sun.20.Feb: 19.51 Yes, I'm only JUST getting to my own Journal for the first time all day! - I was up, reluctantly, of course, at about 6.15, after a strange sort of night. Several of the oddest “dreamlettes” kept waking me through the night. None of them made any sense. But thankfully, none of them were “horrors”. Just the most nonsensical garbage. One had to do with me working at an office-sort of job where I'd either been fired or some-how taken from pay-roll. It wasn't tense, by any means, but just before waking from that one, I'd been looking around the office for my “ID” and such. MY desk was cluttered with all sorts of “things”, like to contents of a “found purse” or just “toss-away” items, and I was “concerned” that I wouldn't find my items... There were two other “dreamletes” along the same “oddness”, but I can't recall what they were. Anyway, I DID manage to get into bed by just shortly after 22.00 and fell asleep in no time at all. I DID manage to sleep through with-out pains, but it was the dreams that woke me, and I went right back to sleep after each one. - THEN... THIS MORNING, YONAH CALLED AT... 6.46! I wasn't even dressed yet! And so, I got right to his morning routine and from that point forward, everything else just rolled right along! I got dressed and sat at the work table, determined to get Deborah's bird and card done... TODAY! - I MADE, from the brown paper packing from all the shipments, a little “gift bag” to suit the little paper bird, and put the “IKEA” packing in it for safety. THAT was quite the task. I'd used a flour bag as a “guide”, using the measurements I needed and, well, all things said, it didn't turn out too badly. It could have been better, but it serves the purpose excellently! - Next, the note for the card. THAT required cleaning the fountain pen and thankfully, that went rather smoothly. What was difficult was WRITING! Between my eyes being “off” these days, and my hands not being willing to hold a pen for any length of time, and watching my penmanship... Well... I'd done one note and didn't like the penmanship so I had to cut another sheet of parchment and do it over. The second one was a bit better and so, I put it into the card. I also made a little “holder” for inside the card and included a feather from Yonah's moulting this year... it's one with a bit of his brown-beige colour on it. So, note, feather, done, they went into the envelope. The envelope fits nicely in the bag as well. And I put a white thread for hanging on the cut-away bird in stead of the beige thread that I'd used to hang it as it “dried”. It won't make any difference to anybody else, but... the bird, the card and the bag are all hand-made. I MIGHT mention it to Deborah when I give it to her... I MIGHT not bother. But I know and that's all there is to that. - AND ALL DAY, AS I WORKED ALONG (and I didn't finish until about 14.30!), YONAH WAS BUSY... ANOTHER DAY OF PICKING THROUGH ALL OF HIS MOSSES AND SCATTERING BITS ALL OVER HIS HOUSE AND ROOM! AND WHEN HE WASN'T DOING THAT, HE WAS ON MY ARM, SHOULDER... LOOKING AT EVERY MOVEMENT I MADE AT THE TABLE. IT WAS AMAZING! - We had to change the waters this after-noon because he'd put so much moss in the pool (which is OK because we didn't have to change them again tonight... nice time-saver, there). And I Hoovered his room (and the house) so his place is nice and clean. - Of a little note here: The carpeting is so bloody cheap in quality that under one wheel on his shelving, the “pile” has almost worn down to the matting! Fukkit, darlings. I can't and don't and won't care. I might, one day, get a rug to put over that spot anyway... next time I have the money and can make it to a store. MIGHT. I doubt it though. - AND... that “plastic tray” of sand and bird seed? WELL! I'D NOTICED AN ODOUR IN YONAH'S HOUSE AND WAS CONCERNED THAT IT WAS HIS POOP... BUT TODAY I LEARNED... IT WAS THAT! THE STENCH OF * ROT * !!! THAT SAND WAS STERILE AND THE ONLY OTHER THING IN THERE WAS BIRD SEED! IT MUST BE SOME “REMNANT” OF THE CHICKEN! I FELT HORRID! IT WAS IN YONAH'S HOUSE FOR THE PAST 2 DAYS! Sadly, the seeds were growing nicely, but... OUT IT WENT... OUT THE BACK DOOR! UNfortunately, I tossed it on the snow mound out-side the kitchen window... and even in the cold of today, on the snow... IT STUNK! SO... I went out and shovelled the snow from the back walk and drive over it. Oh well... Hopefully when that snow thaws what-ever is in there that stinks will have dissipated. If not? Well... too bad for whom-so-ever smells it. I really don't care any more. - OH... CHECKED THE OIL TODAY TOO... NOT QUITE AT HALF YET, BUT WE'RE ON SCHEDULE FOR “HALF” BY MARCH, TO BE SURE. THAT WAS A BIT OF A RELIEF! - This morning was quite almost-bitter cold and all day it didn't get much better. The sun didn't come out until almost 16.00 but had just enough time to melt the pavement out front where I clean, back to black. BUT THERE'S SUCH WIND TODAY AND TONIGHT! IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE SINGLE DIGITS, PLUSES AND MINUSES, FOR THE NEXT FEW DAYS SO THIS IS ANOTHER “WIND OF CHANGE”... BUT THERE'S A DAMNED CHILL IN THIS SHIT-BOX! AND AN ACTUAL “DRAFT”! AND I CAN'T SEEM TO FIND WHERE THAT'S COMING FROM! PISSES ME RIGHT OFF! - Well... hopefully the winds bring the change and although the forecast is for single digits only until Wednesday... we'll stick with “half for March” or, at worst, a quarter. If it goes to a quarter before the 15th I'm calling for an “Emergency” anyway... WTF? I see no reason why I shouldn't. I doubt I'll get any, but... Don't ask, don't know. - Meal was more borscht and chicken tonight. It's filling, really. I'll have to make more of it. I don't really know why I don't. I enjoy it. (It isn't “running through” though... there's another “prune juice” coming. I was going to today but.) - Tomorrow... NO PEE-OH! WOOHOO(hoohoohop) and I've no reason to leave the house other than, perhaps, to drop the gift bag at Deborah's (now that it's complete). BUT I'LL HAVE TO RUN THE TRUCK ANYWAY... AND HOPE THAT IT DOES START AND RUN. But with single-digit temperatures, by after-noon it ought to. Other than that... NO REASON TO LEAVE THE HOUSE! YAY! - So, I've taken my pills with a boiled water. Yonah's Journal is caught up... save a photo or two from today... The wind is RUSHING out there and the “heavy trucks” have been by several times... One plough and I don't know what else, but the main is quite busy. I expect darkness and no heat at some point tonight. Several alarms are set. It'll be a “fatigued” day tomorrow if... - And for no apparent reason or cause, as I've sat here at table... a SUDDEN WOOZY HAS SET IN! I'VE FELT QUITE GOOD ALL DAY... I CAN'T UNDERSTAND THIS! JUST ALL OF A SUDDEN.... (AND YONAH LET OUT A LITTLE “WHOO”... OFF TO CHECK...) - He's OK... but the oddest thing... I stepped away from the table and when I got back, this journal page had been “closed-down”! Hmmmm... OK.. winds, a “WHOO”... WTAF is going on in here tonight? SAGE TIME? And the wooziness? No doubt, we'll see... soon enough. - I want to get a shower in tonight. I could certainly use one. I'm tired but... and it's already 20.27. Time for a quick Brit and done with the day. I'll post “texts” to the servers... photos for Yonah to follow. - 20.32 Texts on... all's on the servers. There was a “lag” though, tonight. Last night too... I wonder. - I'm off... - 21.47 Feeling a bit better than earlier but... no shower tonight. Teeth (tooth?) and off to THE RACK. I'm tired... And Yonah's been OK thus far. - I DID hear something that sounded like somebody banging a moment ago though and I noticed,earlier, that the THING'S front porch light is on... I wonder... the shit-spore banging and startling Yonah? Let's hope not... If that old hag wants a place to reside in through the Winter. -

Mon.21.Feb: 6.47 Up, dressed, done. Halfie too. Grey. Not bitter cold. (I see it's a whole PLUS 2°! Going to PLUS 6! WELL! - FOUR DOVES AT ABOUT 6.30! WOOHOO(hoohoohoohoo)!!! - Feeling? I DID feel OK when I woke. Took the vits and... just another day. - Was up every two hours through the night and thankfully, the electric stayed on... the house stayed “warm”. I woke, looked at the alarm clock and went back to sleep. - A few contractions during the night too. It's “position”... for some reason, I'm better on the left side now... that side I never could lay on before. But I'm positive it has something to do with my back! Well... FUCK ME! 8 years in VT and I come out of it with lung troubles and a “broken back”. Well? I wanted to try “life in VT”. I got it. - Meanwhile... during the restless-ish night, I had little “dreamlettes” as I snoozed and napped. None were “horrific” but they were the strangest:
One had the old man in it. He was being “nice”, as he is, sometimes, when he makes an “appearance” in my dreams. But, as always, it's understood that he's covering some truly wicked intention to come at some later point. I don't recall the particulars of the dream, just that he was the central character.
Another was that I'd shaved my moustache off for some reason and when I looked into the mirror to check it, I “smiled”, to check how my face looked and how much of my teeth showed (because I've NEVER been fond of them) and as I did, I could see the “top” of one of the upper teeth... A BROWN AND BLACK ROT! A LITERAL HOLE AT THE GUM LINE! I was HORRIFIED at that sight and then I noticed my “eye-teeth” on both sides... they too, were rotted... and looked like little SKULLS! And that was that dreamlette.
Next, I was working at a store, combo FamDoll and Lechters, and the boss, a woman, combo Cassey and Eileen, came to me in the back to say “They want me to let you go.” She was smiling, as if taking it as a joke. She had no particular cause to fire me and I smiled back at first and then said “Is it because of that?” There was something I'd been accused of having done... YEARS BACK, and it was discovered that I was completely innocent of ALL of the accusations, that they were completely fabricated but the incident had been recorded some-where in my “record” and “they”, a woman supervisor, wanted me OUT of the company... never wanted me hired in the first place. Well, MY boss wasn't going to sack me and told me to go find my ID and such on the desk in the office. But when I got there, the desk was full of all sorts of “things”... like the contents of a purse, or just little “items” that had been found on the floor or in old desk drawers. I had to sort through it all but couldn't find anything of mine in the mess. We weren't in any panic, but I wondered where my things had gone to... so quickly, and with-out anybody knowing.
Last one I recall... it was a rainy sort of after-noon, and I was in a car, one of those “high-end”, “high class” vehicles... a Buick or some sort, all that light beige leather interior and the likes. Was with a “friend” or relative. A “Rhiney” sort, of some wealth and that arrogance that goes with. We'd come to a little road-side motel just up the road from the town where we both lived. This was to be a “stay” as a joke of some sort, to see what sort of accommodations where being offered in the local “dive”. We were both dressed “business casual”, to appear as “out-of-towners”... “city-folk”, as it were. As we pulled into the park space, I noticed the proprietor peeking out of the office window and looking none-too-pleased, probably thinking that he didn't want to bother with the “city sort”. I was feeling rather silly about the entire affair and my companion there, found it amusing.
And that's all about those dreams. - ODDLY THOUGH, I THINK, THIS MORNING... THAT DREAM ABOUT BEING FIRED FROM THE JOB... THAT'S THE SECOND ONE IN AS MANY NIGHTS. I HAD A VERY SIMILAR DREAMLETTE LAST NIGHT TOO! EVEN TO THE ITEMS ON THE DESK! NOW I WONDER... WHAT'S “ROTTING” IN MY UNCONSCIOUS, WHY THE “THEMES”... WHY BEING “FIRED”? IS IT A HASH OF ACTUAL EVENTS OR SOME SORT OF *PREMONITORY* DREAM? I HAVE TO WONDER... but then... I might not have to. Time will tell... Surely.
10.37 I laid-down for what was supposed to be 30 minutes... and just woke, moments ago. I guess I was tired. Also, a bit “peckish”, so I made bread, butter and honey... only to find that the bread was already beginning to go mouldy! Just a tiny bit but... I don't dare it... though I did... most of it any-way. The rest of the loaf is cut up... out for the “Yardies”... there are deer tracks by the back gallery. It's good bread... milk, eggs... and I'm pretty sure the deer will enjoy a bit of it. The birds never seem to. - Anyway... feeling? Tired anyway. Just a touch on the “run-down”. Pondering another “prune juice flush”... pondering. - It's grey out there... chilly-damp again. - And Yonah has been busy... moving mosses this morning. - I'll need to run the truck later. Perhaps a quick shower and a run to Deborah's to deliver the “bag”. I don't know... - Come March... I'm making that appointment for “tests”. I've had enough of this “fatigue”. - 11.02 Morning's running away and I'm only just getting to Journals. Oh well... at least Yonah's having a bit of a “lunch”... I'm glad to see him eating! He's my “JOY AND RELIEF”... as long as he's doing well... I'm fine. He was on the futon when I woke too. My Heart-and-Soul. - 19.22 I MADE THE TRIP TO DEBORAH'S AT ABOUT 14.30 OR SO... I'd showered, changed to fresh clothes AND THE TRUCK STARTED RIGHT AWAY AND ROLLED QUITE NICELY! (I'm SO relieved to be able to say that!) But... when I got to the “farm”... the car was there, the house was dark... no answer when I knocked... I left the little bag on the knob of her front door, on the porch, and came RIGHT BACK TO THE HOUSE! (a: I don't have but a half tank of gas, b: I will NOT spend that 50 on gas for the truck and c: THE MOST IMPORTANT FACT... I DID NOT WANT TO BE AWAY FROM YONAH!) I was no sooner in the door and I'd sent an e-mail to tell Deborah that I'd been there when, MOMENTS later came the reply of “Thanks”. I mean, from leaving to return to sending the e-mail to receiving the reply... UNDER and hour! EASILY! Deborah said that she was have back pains and was in bed with heat. OK... Never mind... at least she got the little bird and the card. (And she didn't mention the card... so... OK again. She has both and that's all that matters to me.) - 20.05 Now... that said, I HAVE to include here (as well as on YONAH'S JOURNAL )... TODAY, AS I WAS CHECKING HIS E-MAIL ACCOUNT, YONAH CAME FLYING OVER FROM HIS DOOR PERCH AND LANDED ON THE LAP-TOP KEY-BOARD... NOT SO UN-USUAL OF LATE, FOR HIM TO BE THERE, BUT... HE ACTUALLY CAME WHEN I OPENED HIS E-MAILS AND AS HE STARED AT THE SCREEN, IT LOOKED AS IF HE WERE ACTUALLY READING! AND HE PECKED AT THE SCREEN TOO! IT WAS A SIGHT! HONESTLY! HE'S JUST AMAZING... AT ALL TIMES, IN EVERY WAY. I CAN ONLY USE THE WORD “AWE” WHEN IT COMES TO HIM! - As for me and the rest of the day, I was relieved that the truck ran so well. Indeed! - I checked my “med coverage” today too... “Dental” and “Vision” are total SHIT! I'll have to investigate into the “eye repair” but according to EBC, SOME dental IS covered by Medicaid! I'll have to look into that. I can get the initial exam for free... in Plattsburgh, but I just have the sneaking suspicion that I have either cysts on the bottom jaw or... I won't even say it. But there are bumps there that won't go away and I don't know why they're there or what they are. So? So... Dental work... here we come! BUT... I noticed that “ER” is covered and a bunch of little “tests”... like prostate, colon and diabetes so? So... March is going to be “Med-month”. And away we go! Hopefully MOST of this “covid” bull-shit will be done and gone... but I'm not counting on it. How I'll afford the trip(s) to Plattsburgh is another story. Rumours are that we're looking at... for me anyway... 5$/gallon for gas in short order. (I have to laugh... instead of vomiting... as I recall Ev, that ever-Liberal, saying that her greatest fear of a Biden regime was that he'd put us into another war. Well Ev? BINGO!) But I'm going to have to do what I have to do... and hope for NO HOSPITAL STAYS! (Or... there's going to be “AMA”s a-plenty. I will NOT leave Yonah alone... not even for one night!) - There... Yonah's site is current now. The house is still. I put the furnace up briefly, to take the dampness out of this shit-box. - Tonight, again, I ALMOST forgot to close Yonah's blinds and so I'm in “FUCK MERRIHEW” again! And into GET US THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!... again. I've really reached my tolerance. - And to think: I could take that job next door... 195/week... 780/month. 10140/year... I could still collect my soc.sec. (but I'd have to pay taxes on it). Imagine... paying the rent here and having the extra 280 every month! That's the loan payment and left-overs. You know? It might be a hoot... “revenge” on this little “hamlet”. I might just look into it... WTF? Eh? And I could keep med appointments in the after-noons as well. We'll have to “investigate”. After all... maybe that has something to do with that recurring dreamlette... I was “fired” but NOT... If I were to take the job at the pee-oh... - 20.22 just took night pills... damnit... LATE! And I want to get to bed! I'm pretty impressed, with all the waking during the night last night and only an hour's snooze this morning... still going. But... - OH... ORDERED OLIVE OIL AND SPICES FROM AMAZON TODAY... FS! (I HOPE). Saves me from having to get little bits locally... IF they ever have any! - OK... time to post to server and get on with getting to bed! - Single digits in the forecast and 13 on Wednesday! (I need more mosses for Yonah and WATER for the plants!) - POSTING! - 21.57 And to think... at 21.36 I was done... it' about going to The Rack... Oh well...

Tue.22.Feb: (22.02.22 Oh my.) 6.32 Dressed and in from smoke on the porch already. Here we go... another day. And you know? I have good reason to believe that the chest pains actually ARE related to the vit.C. “stomach spasms”, according to the Mayo, are an effect of mega-C. So? March, we decrease to 4gm/day. - I have it on the “agenda” to call for that MD appt. and this morning, I don't want to (again). Not sure why, other than a terrible distrust and mistrust of these quacks. But... let's see as the day progresses. - It was suppose to be about 13° today but it's changed (of course) to a mere 6°. Oh well... fine. -4° by the moment. But at least it's not -24°. - Roll to market? I need ice cream. And the borscht has been easy-eating, filling and tasted good. I could just cook and whirl veggies and make with/with-out the beets or, just make more. - Mean-while, ONE CONTRACTION at about 0.45 this morning and then SLEEP! - Odd sort of dream of being in a large, old house, and having to sort through a room FULL of old clothes, dirty clothes, looking for my clothes. Socks of “thigh-length”. 2 naked gals who danced over me, and me singing to one... “If you could see her through my eyes”. (WHAT?) The whole thing was MOST uncomfortable but nothing “horrific”. This is the third night in a row of dreams. I wonder what's causing that! At least I wasn't fired from another job last night. - And so.. that's this morning, thus far. Let's see how it rolls from here. - Oh... I want to check the CIBC account too. No doubt it's “gone”. Oh well... at the rate Canada's going... I won't be... Lately, it's full-on communist. These days are living through the past that we learnt in school. People... humans... what a fucking waste. - 14.01 MADE IT... A town trip... BUT... no smokes at FamDoll... had to get the “99s” at Stewart's! Almost 13$! AND BLOODY SHIT GAS: 3,899$/BLOODY GALLON! I DIDN'T DARE LOOK AT THE NON-ETHANOL! WHAT IN THE ACTUAL NAME OF FUCK? THIS SHIT REALLY NEEDS TO BE PUT TO A HALT! - But there's a “borscht” on the hob... or something of the sort. “Italian Mix”, “Stew Mix”, spinach, black beans, beets... the stock pot it FULL to the brim with veggies! What it becomes is anybody's guess but it's LOADED with veggies, and beets and beans... protein. Hopefully it'll be “purée-able” for tonight's meal. I've nothing else (other than to throw veggies into a pot with the chicken). - I rang RJ Reynold's about the absence of product at the locals and spoke with the most delightful young lady. VERY nice experience... and I seem to be “on their records”! After all these years! Imagine that! (When the govt. goes for tobacco smokers, I can expect them at my door.... this fucking shit-hole of a so-called “country”... “cunt-tree”... to be sure.) - I'm just tired. - BUT THE TRUCK MADE THE TRIP! And there's just under a half tank of gas... I'll have to get it filled SOON... I fore-see shit gas at 5$/gallon by Summer. - I'm tired of all of this.
WERE IT NOT FOR YONAH... I'D SIMPLY JUST “STOP” AT THIS POINT.
OH... Appointment for a “physical” on the 14th March. Here we go with THAT shit now... THESE are the days. - When I walked in from market today, I looked at the “Meal Ticket” from the Shelter and thought: Made it through those days... and though I wonder “Why?” and not “How?” well...
IF NOT FOR YONAH...
But the back door is open and it's comfy. The mirror in the truck read 10°. Imagine? 10° is “comfortable” enough to open the door. Oh well... - And Yonah's awfully quiet... on his perch now... I HOPE it isn't because of being at the back door! My heart is in tatters already. - 15.21 MUST TO LAUGH... I STEPPED OUT TO PUT THE SCREEN BACK IN YONAH'S WINDOW AND AS I STEPPED OUT THE FRONT DOOR, THE HAG NEXT-DOOR AND MAYOR McFUKNUT WERE OUT FRONT CHATTING. I WALKED OUT, THEY NOTICED... SAID * NOTHING *. ON MY WAY BACK IN, THEY NOTICED... SAID *NOTHING *. I LEFT THE FRONT DOOR OPEN FOR A WHILE, BECAUSE OF THE COOKING AND GETTING SOME FRESH AIR IN THIS SHIT-BOX AND THE HAG WALKED BACK TO IT'S BOX AND THEN BACK OUT TO THE POST AND BACK TO THE BOX, SO IT PASSED THE FRONT DOOR AND... NOT A KNOCK NOR A “FUCK YOU”. OH... BUT I'M BEING “INFORMED”. HEY! GOOD!
*** AND... PROPANE DELIVERY TODAY... UNDER 75$! THE PRICE WENT UP, THE AMOUNT IS DOWN FROM THE LAST DELIVERY... YEAH... AND “THE FUCKING LANDLORD” TELLS ME THAT THE PEE-OH WASN'T RUNNING THE HOT WATER. “SHE SAID SHE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THEY HAD ANY BECAUSE SHE NEVER USES IT.” THESE FUKTARDZ... LIARS TO THEIR CORE ALONG WITH BEING TERMINALLY RETARDED. WELL? ALL THE MORE REASON TO KEEP LOOKING TO GET OUT OF HERE AND... WE SHALL SEE HOW ALL WORKS OUT WHEN NOTHING GETS DONE TO THE PROPERTY. NO STOVE? ABUSE OF MY PROPANE? LIES? BULL-SHIT? FUCKERIES? FUCK OFF! AND THAT HAG'S SPORE WITH THE CIGARETTE SMOKE IN THE DOORS AND WINDOWS? NOT TO MENTION... A 30-SOMETHING DROP IN A MONTH'S PROPANE! I'M FUCKING FED-TO-THE-HILT UP WITH THIS!
And there we have it. (I wonder about the dreams now... all of a sudden, recently... There's something in them. I just have to put it together.) - 20.04 The rain is falling, the house is warm-ish... well... MUCH warmer than it has been in quite a while. Though Yonah's room was only at about 21° and it felt “chilled”... the rain. - The “soup”? Well... not “great” but no “bad” at all. VERY filling, indeed. I'd put it all through the little grinder to make it more of a purée and the spinach in there stained the little cutting stem a shade of green that even soaking in vinegar won't take out. But at least it's actual “vegetable” colour so I don't feel the need to replace anything. Still... Oh well. But I had quite a bit of it for meal, with a half-breast of chicken and it DID fill my belly nicely. I'm curious to see what “comes out” tomorrow though. Hey! It's non-chew so no pressure on the teeth, and it's easy-digest, I should think. It depresses me a touch though: I'm working my way toward “puréed meals”... a bloody INVALID! OK... As long as I can hold out for the 14th March... and see what the “physical” brings up. And hopefully the “dental” will come up... I'll have to see to that. MAYBE I'll find a dentist locally? Since gas will be up to about 5$ by then, if not 6$, I'd rather NOT have to go to Plattsburgh... and I SURELY AM NOT GOING TO VT! So we shall see. (I could kick myself for not taking them up on the offer in Richford when I had that opportunity. I'd be fine by now but... that's me...) - I'm annoyed a little bit, by this after-noon's “brush-off” but I'm thinking that MAYBE those two are feeling some sort of remorse because, after all... they no know MY “political leanings” and I'm POSITIVE they voted for the shit-sack-in-Chaos and probably think that I'm thinking exactly what I'm thinking of them. So be it. I lived most of my life in a city of 8 million where I had precious little to do with ... well... I had precious few I even dealt with. And “neighbours”? Well, in The City, we were “neighbours” only because of our locations with one-another. Talking with the town's-folk is NOT imperative. (Besides... I have the VERY BEST COMPANION IN CREATION RIGHT HERE... MY LITTLE “HEART-AND-SOUL”! Let's just hope, for their own sake, that they don't try to fuck about with him... in ANY fashion... I shall say no more on...) - Yonah seems a bit “put off” tonight. I'm hoping it's not because of the moments at the back door today. He's “OK”, but... well... maybe it's just me reading into things... as I do. I hope all will be past tomorrow. - As for tomorrow... I can't think of anything that “must” be done! WHAT a day! - On a “stoopid” note: They had the “cran-pom” juice at the market today and I grabbed another one... so now I have TWO on the “laundry alcove”, THREE in the fridge! Nothing like “panic buying”... just in case that too, disappears. HELL! This regime is about to throw this country into a war with Russia... imagine that! All the bull-shit of child-hood becoming reality! Ah... if he actually DOES pull it off... we'll all be gone in a matter of moments anyway... BUT I'LL HAVE YONAH, HE'LL HAVE PLENTY OF FOOD AND I'LL HAVE PLENTY OF CRANBERRY-POMEGRANATE JUICE... as we vapourise in a nuclear flash. - OK... my upper-front teeth are toying with my sinuses. I'm really quite tired. Just took night pills and want to get to bed... er... rather... to... THE RACK soon so... Yonah's Journal has been up-loaded to the server... I'll put this on there and get to getting to close this day. And tomorrow? Well... Yonah and I will handle that as need presents. For now... off to the servers! -22.06 TO THE RACK!

Wed.23.Feb: 6.41 AND “TO THE RACK” IT WAS LAST NIGHT! EVERY TWO HOURS, WITH-OUT FAIL !!!
and apparently, my body is reminding me this morning. Looking pale, co-ordination is “off”. Even typing is a bit of an effort. And bets are: on the 14th... “Everything came back fine”. Although now, of late, I'm wondering about those “welts” on the lower jaw. Oh, but I know too much about too little. - BUT IN NEWS THIS MORNING... i WENT OUT AT ABOUT 6.15 TO PUT BREAKFAST ON THE BACK GALLERY AND AS I OPENED THE DOOR... I EXPECTED, SOME-WHAT, A SQUIRREL BUT THIS MORNING... A POSSUM !!! NOT VERY LARGE, RATHER YOUNG, JUST “THERE”, IN THE FOOD! I spoke, softly, and it didn't run, instead, it rather “staggered” a bit... looking quite “intoxicated”. So I just reached out to put the food on the tray anyway, after all... ALL Little Ones deserve to eat, and that's when it turned... more like an over-acted “soap opera”. Poor thing seemed confused between “playing dead” or making for the hills. So there was slow, staggering, swaying as it made a slow way to the top of the railing. On the railing, a staggering descent to the bottom end at which point there was a bit of a “soft thud”... and off it went, across the drive over toward the Reiners' place. “Panic”? Nah... Neither of us panicked. But it was rather comical... and, for me, rather fascinating. I haven't seen a possum since... Old Town Road, New Prospect, the night Noel saw the one at the sliding glass doors in the kitchen! Well, well... well indeed! Quite the beginning to a new day.
Temperature this morning? 12° with a “chill” of 10! NOT “-10”.... PLUS 10! Wind too. BUT... MINUS 17° tonight! Ah... “Spring” is about to come along... Warm. Bitter. Warm. Bitter... Thaw. Freeze. Fuck. -2 by 16.00. -17/-23 tomorrow at 7.00. And we're back to minus-double-digits. - 6.49 “woo-Hoo-hoo-hoo” from the next room. I've just answered “woo-Hoo-hoo-hoo..hoo” and we're off to a “chatty” morning. MY LITTLE HEART-AND-SOUL IS UP AND AWAKE AND WANTS TO GET TO THE DAY! OFF WE GO! (THIS is the “beginning” of my day... THIS is why I woke up this morning! And YONAH is why I'll take care of me through the day... today and EVERY day that HE wakes up.) - 13.00 And in from the back walk where I tried to chop the ice, but managed to toss a LOT of snow (with some ice) into the drive. The sun is shining, the wind is blowing, the temperatures is dropping, but it's not “cold”.... yet. - AND I managed to half-doze for an hour this morning... with Yonah for some... but... 2 minutes before the alarm was set to sound... “Peck peck peck”... HE'S JUST ASTONISHING... HIS TIMING! HOW DOES HE KNOW? - Anyway... that “soup” hasn't “come through yet. And I've been feeling “off” all day. Well... there's 4 more servings in the fridge (and 3 chicken so... mayhaps I'll try cooking some noodles or pasta tonight and have the “soup” with. Gotta get things “moving” here. - And YONAH? QUITE LIVELY AND LOVING ALL DAY... So MY day is PERFECT. - But I'm behind in journals... and here I sit... hoping to get caught-up... before tonight when I'll be “tired” again... whine-whine. - 16.54 It's been quite the day! Brilliant sun-shine and now, the WINDS are kicking-up... “change” again... tonight's -17° crash! And I haven't really gotten much of anything accomplished... mostly because I've felt like SHIT most of the day. Oddly... I had a ginger tisane and am only now feeling better. At the end of the day. I'll have to see... perhaps “adjust” to the flavour of coffee with ginger in? I remember Ron (L) used to put a dash of dry mustard in his... never understood why, must've been a “French” thing, but they put all sorts of other spices in... cinnamon in particular. I'll have to give it a try. Other-wise... “breakfast”... I'll have to think of some way to incorporate ginger into the early morning. (Oatmeal? Might be good. Perhaps I'll try it tomorrow at some point.) - Anyway... MEAL TIME AL-FUCKING-READY! THE DAY IS GONE! And again, I feel I've wasted it. Then again, I keep forgetting: last night wasn't exactly “restful”... - Oh... photos from Deborah... the river's gone amok down there. I imagine it isn't much better up this way. And I still have to get TREE WATER! AND MOSS for Yonah! And we're going back into “freeze” tonight. SHIT! - 18.45 The snows that were on the mountains at 16.30 have made their way down... quite the bit of “flocons” out there... and oh yes... it IS noticeably MUCH colder than it's been all day. The temperatures just dropped almost suddenly. Well, after all... it IS still “February”... I can't ask for “graces”. - I'm only just getting to actually put anything down about the day today. It's been “distracted” all day. BRILLIANTLY SUNNY, ALL WITH YONAH, save the work on the back walk, but “distracted”. I sit to type and... well... YONAH'S BEEN SO “CLOSE” ALL DAY! SHOULDER, HEAD, ARM, CHAIR... PLAY, PLAY, LOVE, LOVE... and, well, of course... NOTHING I'm doing is more important that making sure he's happy, so... MY journal is “sketchy”... HIS? I've done the best I can to keep that looking “proper” and it's quite caught-up... until... “seepie-nigh-night” which might be coming soon because he's already had his night snack and is already on his perch. We're just here, listening to bird-songs and the radio (“Worry No More”... I think of Yonah when I hear this one.) - Deborah sent photos and a message today. The river down there REALLY flooded the banks! Ice jams in over-abundance. It's like a different world down the road there... UP the river though. I'm “up the road and down-river” from her. Cute. Anyway... she says they were staying put for the day... with her flocks and deer. (How I wish she'd offer space in one of the barns. Lou lived in a converted chicken coop. I wouldn't mind putting work into something... AWAY FROM THIS SHIT-BOX! Not to mention, Yonah was passing very loose poops today, I haven't felt well all day... and I don't trust the water here... never mind the plumbing... Saw a little place in “Norwood”... NY... going out toward Potsdam. Whole house. Under 800... on a nice road that “ggl” won't go to. BUT... the out-side of the place looks like the out-side of this place... SHIT! Oh well. At the price of gas, the wear on the truck (140mi each way). There's a place out there. “It's out there.” - 19.06 already! SHIT! Thankfully, Yonah's house is almost all settled. Just the roof board... I'm just RELIEVED that he ATE this evening! - I'm feeling “tight and heavy” in the chest again tonight though. I'm sure most of this is nothing but anxiety... caused by “thinking”... and hating this place. But... this place... I can afford it (for the most part), and it's shelter (for as much as it is) in a season of need... AND it's a place of shelter for Yonah! We'll be OK... - 19.55 (teeheeheehee) Pills taken. That tooth, I brushed... SHELL FROM A BLACK BEAN. AFTER ALL THE PURÉEING! WTAF? Oh well... it's still “tender” but... we'll see about it in the morning. - Yonah is all tucked-in and his Journal and today's photos (of our snooze) are ready. I'm quite tired (of course) and so... will close this out for now, for today, for tonight... if there's more? Well... I HOPE THERE ISN'T OTHER THAN “SIGN-OUT”! - The snow stopped, the winds are calm. - Poor little Yonah... he was so tired at 19.30 that we were having a “chat” and I mentioned “seepie-nigh-night” and he went right for his little mirror and gave a “good night woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo” and went right back to his night spot! He had a busy day! AND... AS I MENTIONED ON HIS JOURNAL.... TODAY... IMAGINE: HUMANS CLAIM TO BE THE “HIGHEST-EVOLVED” BEINGS... YONAH HAS LEARNT TO TRUST ME, KNOWING THAT I LOVE HIM AND WOULD NEVER HARM HIM... HE'S ADJUSTED TO LIVING IN A “PEOPLE HOUSE” WITH ALL THE BULL-SHIT THAT COMES WITH... ***** AND ***** HE'S LEARNT EXPRESSIONS IN ENGLISH... LIKE... “SEEPIE-NIGH-NIGHT”! ME? THE “HIGHEST-EVOLVED”? HE COO'S AND ALL I HERE IS THE DIFFERENCES IN THE LENGTH, PATTERN AND SUCH, AND STILL HAVE NO CLUE AS TO WHAT ANY OF IT MEANS! I'M SO FED UP WITH ALL OF THIS BULL-SHIT!!! MEAN-WHILE... we have people on the brink of another war... ANOTHER WAR! OVER LAND OWNER-SHIP! POWER! HOW PATHETIC. HOW UTTERLY COMPLETELY PATHETIC! - I can't get into it, but it puts all things into a perspective... I have Yonah in my life... He has me in his. We have US in our LIFE... well, that's how I see it, because HIS LIFE IS MY LIFE... and I just have to make certain that mine is not less than (nor more, for that matter) 15 minutes longer than his. - That's it... time to post this to the servers, nosh and *RACK*! - 22.29 OFF TO THE RACK!

Thu.24.Feb: 6.40 OK... Up, about, dressed. And... last night... “slept”! I seem to vaguely recall ONE contraction, but it's only “vaguely”. I got up, went to the loo, went back to bed, changing from left-side sleep to right-side, and as I did, I laid there thinking “THIS is going to keep me up for certain.” Next thing was the alarm this morning. Maybe I DID sleep through. But I remember looking at the clock at about mid-night and thinking “I'm just NOT going to be able to fall asleep tonight... AGAIN!” and that was that for that. - This morning? Well... I REALLY would have like to have stayed in bed (again) but didn't. So it was up, morning routine, breakfast served on the back gallery and.... - AT 6.19... “woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo”! Imagine? I called back but got no reply. Hmmmm... so I went in to check to see if Yonah really was up and awake. He was on his perch, in his “sleep posture”. He gave that little “whispered” ... “Hoo!” but didn't raise his head or stretch his wings so I thought it might have been some sound he'd heard (or maybe a dream?)... and decided to step out and wait a while longer... to see if he calls again... - Meanwhile... “feeling”? Well... I'm dressed and in from a halfie. It's chilly out there but the sky seems clear. It's supposed to be not-so-warm today again. Snow tomorrow... My chest/stomach/what-ever, is giving that “transient” tightness. I'd swear it's the vitamins. I really am NOT fond of these “Spring Valley” brands, “Product of China”, but they're what I have and, well... we shall see, until I can afford to dump them... HOPEFULLY on Thursday-week (I have to do the budget for March today... fuck). My fingers don't want to move. They're a bit tight. - Checked again, to see what vit.C does with iron... last night, thinking about all the spinach in this latest batch of “soup” (which, last evening, reminded me of “baby food”... all the veggies mushed into a “paste”... ah... “baby food”... my life has come to THIS? Oh... jolly fukme) and I remembered that vit.C increases iron absorption and that too much can cause trouble. Well, yes, I was correct, on both, BUT iron also carries oxygen to muscles... MAYBE it'll help get rid of the contractions? It's another “trial and error” situation. BUT... My upper-front teeth are “off” again this morning, my sinuses, particularly left side... the “toothless” side, the worse eye, the most “chest pain” side, the most “contraction” side... are drippy and stuffed. Last night, when I had a “spin cycle”, woozy and such, THAT cleared when the left sinus cleared, and THAT happened after I'd stepped out into the cold for a bit. Honestly... But as I thought last night: “You're THINKING your-self into all of this! SO many years of trying to THINK your way to death and now... well... if you can THINK your way into decay, you can THINK your way OUT of it... and NOW's the time for THAT!” Yeah... well... there's the 14th... let's see how we fare until... and what the quackers come up with. - 6.55... I'll give Yonah another 5 minutes and check back. - This shit-box is cold... and the heat just went off... I raised it to 65F for a bit but... OH... to be in a proper place... PLEASE! - 7.42 At 6.57 the next “woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo” came drifting through the old house... and THIS time, Yonah WAS, in fact, indeed... UP, AWAKE AND READY TO ROLL! So... OUR day has commenced. Other than work on files on the lap-top (password data and the likes) and one shirt to wash (which is on the soak at present)... well... we'll see how I manage to piss-away another day. It's supposed to be sunny but chilly. I SHOULD start the truck... I DO have to work the March budget... I MIGHT take a roll up the Hill again in search of that spring... I DO NEED WATER for the plants... AND... I'M THINKING OF BRINGING WATER DOWN FOR DRINKING... I WISH I could figure how to bring and store enough for Yonah too! I'm growing UN-trusting of the tap water in this shit-box... Truth is, I'm UN-trusting of just about EVERY aspect of this shit-box... Paranoia? Accumulation of toxins on the brain? Well... we can never be certain. But I wonder if that “spring” water actually is “safe” too or do folks boil it. What-ever... - So... on with the morning and the day... how it ends will be seen... after evening meal... - BUT THIS MORNING, ALREADY, YONAH RODE ALONG ON MY ARM AS I TIDIED THE KITCHEN, CHECKED THE THERMOSTAT (AT 65f THE BLOODY FURNACE HAS RUN TWICE IN AN HOUR... FUCK!), GOT THE SHIRT FROM THE BED-ROOM TO LAUNDER... WOO-HOO! (hoo hoo hoo)! And he's off and flying as I type. As I say: Yonah i OK... I'm OK... the day is OK... WE ARE TOGETHER... and THAT'S PERFECT. - 19.38 The day is closed. Yonah is tucked-in. MY MOST PRECIOUS LITTLE COMPANION. And I'm working on his Journal now... in a shit-box that's actually uncomfortably chilly tonight... with the thermostat set at 68F! FUCK this place! REALLY! I'm SO sick of it. - But as for the day? Well... I've FINALLY gotten started on “cleaning-up” the “Mots Passe” data sheets! And it's been an all-day affair, and I'm still not finished! There's a SHIT-LOAD more to sort through! And I want (NEED) to get it done because, well... this old brain... - Yonah was SO PLAYFUL, AFFECTIONATE, BUSY, ON ME ALL DAY TODAY TOO! AND HE TOOK A SWIM! The sun shone beautifully in through the windows most of the day, and he basked and then... bathed! (No photos today though... I really didn't want to disturb him.) - Deborah stopped by but didn't knock. She left 4 freshly-baked muffins and left. I don't even know WHEN she was by. The muffins were there at about 11.20 when I checked for today's “no post”. She'd sent a brief e-mail this morning... I sent her a “Thank You” immediately after finding the muffins but haven't been on the e-mail since. Too busy trying to complete a task. (I'm SO fucking OLD! And so easily distracted.) - I tried, again, to repair the printer and have finally given-up on it. It's back in the box... now I have to figure out how to dispose of it. Hopefully the dump will take it as “electronic waste”. I could have used it for the “change of party registration” form today but... I'll handle that when next in town. I don't use a printer often anyway... and by the time I have enough to print for my own... hopefully I'll have enough to buy a REAL printer... and ink. Oh well... thankfully it was a 30$ “pharmacy” piece of shit. (And I see that they're on Amazon for 50$ now... But I managed to get a “review”/”evaluation” of it posted... let people know they may as well buy pens and paper instead. Shit. - Other-wise... the furnace just kicked again. Take some of this damp chill out of this hole. - -10/-14°, so they claim. There's NO excuse for this chill! -7/-13° and 15cm of snow for tomorrow... -12/-18° for tonight's low and the snow is expected to begin round about 2.00 and continue to 17.00 tomorrow. Well... we'll see... - For tonight, I want to get to bed earlier. If Yonah's going to be getting up earlier, I have to too. - Oh... did another bit of a “prune flush” today... oddly, the only thing that really came through was the prune juice and not much else. Then again, considering the “soup” with a hunk of chicken, there really shouldn't have been all that much in there anyway. But it did make a difference in my over-all “feeling”. “Every Lidl helps”... as they say. And tonight's “meal” was more soup with some noodles. Not much there either... filling and with all those veggies, ought to be nourishing. And I read about the iron... and vit.C... C increased iron absorption, iron carries oxygen to muscles. Over-dose of iron isn't the easiest thing to do and is obvious as it happens. Maybe the oxygen to the muscles will get there on the iron from the spinach and help get rid of the contractions... OH HOW I JOKE! - And I may as well add it since it “appears” to be worth thinking about:
Russia and Ukraine are in all-in-all-out actual “war”... and of course, this current US regime is about to throw the country into a state similar to WWII... gas, food... we're really quite fucked. I'm mentally prepping for a “rise” in the rent and will be heading directly to the DSS office to cover... if I must. I'm not fucking playing with this shit any more. Yonah will NOT have to experience ANY inconveniences... because of this bull-shit fuckerie! I'm in a mood for a good battle... especially around here and these shit-sax. I just remember Oma saying that those who survived the “Great Depression” were the ones who went into it with the least. Me? I'm not jut accustomed to “least”... I'm accustomed to NONE! As long as Yonah has ALL... the rest of the world can blow itself up. And if we have to go with? Well... we go together.
On that... back to Yonah's journal... it's 20.01 already... I ought to be IN bed not later than 21.45... (je joke) - 21.18 Posted a few more “insulting” posts to Twatsboard... finished Yonah's journal entry for today. I'm later than I'd like but... I'm posting these to the servers, having a nosh... off to bed... re-setting the thermostat to 62F for the night though. The furnace is running now... and I'm enjoying it for what it's worth. (OH... but this shit-hole pisses me off.) - Tough days ahead... It's claimed that Russia now has the old “Chernobyl” nuclear plant... the one that spewed radiation across the planet not all so very long ago. Ah well... as I say: I don't care... Yonah and I will be together... and that's ALL that matters to me. - 22.26 All ready to hit THE RACK and NOW the bloody furnace comes on! Can't turn it off because that's when it smells of oil... and now that I know how the damned furnace works... well... it's spraying the oil to be burned and if I turn it off, there's oil left in the chambre. Oh well... another moment then... and off to ... HELL! But 5.45/5.30 will come soon...

Fri.25.Feb: 6.15 Up and DONE... from coffee to breakfast served, half smoke... The snow is falling softly all 'round, the bloody furnace was running when I got out of bed with the “6.00” alarm, and, last night, I managed to “SLEEP-THROUGH”. But... I'm tired now... Too late. Can't go back to bed. Though, I DO see a snooze in the near future. And I'm having a “hot flash”. Well... we can't have the “perfect start” to the day. Eh? I'm just glad for the night of sleep... if that's what that was. - 16.41 ALL morning working on the “MP DB” and still MORE to be done but... at 14.00 I was out to shovel the snow... and... AND... ONCE AGAIN... MétéoMédia said “15cm” AND... THERE'S AT LEAST 15 INCHES OUT THERE! I SWEAR THEY DON'T KNOW THEIR METRICS. ANYWAY... The truck started and ran all the while, and I shovelled down to the drive. (Now, some shit will come through and plough me back in.) BUT... it's done! And I shovelled a bit out front at the porch, and a little on the back walk... THEN... CAME IN... put meal on the hob AND HOOVERED! - Stepped out... the sky is clearing... McFucknut comes over with shovel and as I'm having a halfie calls “I guess the Northway is closed. There's more traffic.” I said nothing. Truly, I don't want to be bollocksed or arsed. - SPOKE WITH EV BEFORE SHOVELLING... She's doing OK... We spoke briefly but it was good to hear her voice. She sounds SO WELL! - And... that just about covers “me”. - YONAH has been in another “AFFECTIONATE” mood today and he's a RIOT! Honestly... HE IS THE REASON MY HEART BEATS AT ALL. - 16.46 SUN-SHINE! NO SNOW! TIMING! THANK YOU! - AND... I NEED TO BATHE! I've got an actual “pong”. Can't figure out why but... it's bothering ME! - Anyway... it's “meal time” already! I can't believe it! But at least I got the shovelling and Hoovering done today. I've “DONE” some-thing... - I'm tired! - Oh... had a 20-minute “snooze” at about 9.30... - 19.59 Yonah tucked-in at 19.30. He seemed to be quite tired already at the time, tonight. Poor little guy. He was so busy all day, hopping about. It was one of those days where he WANTED the attention and contact and affection. I did my best. And honestly, more than I can express and more than anybody else could possibly understand... HE IS THE ONLY REASON I BREATHE! It's like looking at my “heart and soul” in front of me. That little face, the coo'ing. I wish I could KNOW what else I could give, provide for his happiness. PRECIOUS, CHERISHED Little One! - Me? I'm so tired tonight... but that's nothing “new”. And all I managed to do with the day was the shovelling and the Hoovering... It's disgusting. I'll mention it to Demuro... Not that I figure anybody else will give a shit nor will they “find” any cause. Truth is, I don't have any trust in any of them... I miss Beringer... Cobert... the “old-time”, competent, REAL medics. I still remember that on in Poughkeepsie... had to have a “PCP”... that's when they started that shit... and the fuktard insisted I be tested for HIV and when I declined... “I'll be handing you as hazardous....” Yeah? Well... And then having to go through all the nonsense of having the records sealed. What a fuck. Now? These dolts don't give a shit... “Health Care” isn't “care”... it's an income. Ah... the world. Talking with Ev today just confirms it: things are different... not “better”... It was suppose to get better, easier... it's a fuck-fest. - Hey! At least the snow stopped. And, of course, it's back to the bloody COLD again! I'm weary of that too at this point... Not asking for HOT... just NOT COLD! - The ploughs keep coming by... the South-bound on the main is down to pavement from all the traffic. Checked, on-line and found that yes, there are closures on the Northway, but it's interesting... the traffic here, now, that should be there. Must be the “commuters”, heading home from Plattsburgh, after... “work”. To be honest, there isn't a “LOT”... just more than usual, more than expected. Were this back in the days I remember, when there was NO traffic up this way.... but it isn't NOTHING is “as I remember”... - I'm tired... of so much. But tonight, I want to shower before heading for “THE RACK”. This “stench” is bothering me. I wonder where it's coming from. - OH... AND YONAH IS SCRATCHING AGAIN... TOMORROW... CHANGING THE REST OF THE SANDS! I WON'T HAVE HIM ITCHING! - I've taken evening pills at 19.40 so that's done already. - My upper-front teeth are feeling “odd” again. I wouldn't be surprised if, whilst talking or in my “sleep”, they too, snap off. Bottom teeth too. Makes no sense that “dental” isn't covered by insurance, other than “additional” an at great expense. People are such a waste... really... senseless beings. - Looking at the smokes too... they're running out quickly. Can't figure out how... I smoke half at a time... and no more than before. There's JUST enough on-hand to buy ONE more pack... It should be OK... 'til Thursday-week. - OH! LOOKED INTO “EMERGENCY HEAP”... THE SEASON OPENED ON 22 FEB... AND I'M “ELIGIBLE” FOR ABOUT 926$ IN EMERGENCY! THAT'S 200 GALLONS (AT 4,50 PER... UNLESS IT GOES UP TO 5$ WHICH I EXPECT IT TO... I'M SURE GAS FOR THE TRUCK IS ALREADY AT THAT... FUCK.) SO I'M GOING TO RUN THE DAMNED FURNACE AT 65F... WHEN IT DROPS BELOW THE QUARTER... I'M ON THE LINE! SCREAMING! I'M FUCKING SICK AND TIRED OF THE COLD IN THIS SHIT-BOX! - Went out to sweep the snow from the front porch... plough comes by and BLAM! ALMOST GOT HAMMERED! They come by at such a speed and the slush goes FLYING... right up to the porch! I'm probably just over-sensitive... I'm just annoyed... it's just one of those “moments” - As I'm typing... the bloody phone again... MORE SHIT from that LinkedIn account... WELL.. just went through a CLOSED that shit! It didn't give me what I needed... the connection with Etienne... and I'm NOT looking for a career so... FUKKIT! - Sunny and cold tomorrow... I've been jotting notes on Yonah's and this journal today... You'd think I was so busy... well... I DO fill the time. So tomorrow, sunny and cold and in Yonah's room with catch-up. That's OK... Time with Yonah is ALWAYS the BEST of time. - Right now... nosh, Brit, shower and THE RACK... Let's see how the night rolls into tomorrow... - 22.06 showered. I put tea-tree oil on that little “tag” on my shoulder because it's REALLY annoying me of late. I'll be sorry. But... And I still have that “homeless pong”... some-where on my body. It's in my nose. Maybe the shampoo? The “mix”? Oh well... TO THE RACK! Let's see what Hell awaits tonight!

Sat.26.Feb: 6.00 on the mark... No doubt about it... I need to get to the rack earlier. But at last I did manage to get to sleep and STAY asleep through the night. This morning, yep... feeling rather shitty... first, because of the tea-tree oil on the shoulder... secondly, I've gas, and it's all the veggies. Oh well. - Then too, there's the LIGHTS! the pee-oh light has been on from since when I got out of bed... at about 5.00-something. Sickening, really. Nothing like starting a day just being annoyed. But then again... IT'S ALL A MATTER OF PERCEPTION: stop perceiving it as an annoyance and it will stop being an annoyance... Easier... easier said than done. (I wonder what-ever happened to that tune.) - Moving along... Not dressed but had a couple of drags on the front porch. It's “snappy” out there this morning. The trees are still laden with the snow. Quite pretty. And the furnace has been run. Quite ... well... tolerable. Let's see how the rest of the day goes along... - 6.34 Caught up with this journal for yesterday. Yonah's is next... - There are things to do with the day... and I wonder what time my Little Love will be waking... No rush... his room is toasty... the rest of the house... chilled. Fuck this shit-box... really. - -21°! CHILL -28 !!! WTAF? AND MORE FUCKING COLD TO COME! - 10.48 Checked the (NO) post. The sun is shining. I've re-repaired the gloves this morning... written the rent cheque... done the budget for March... did the soc.med. and that's the end of that! There's MUCH of journalling to complete this morning and I'm in a mood where I do NOT want to be arsed by ANYBODY today! - For starters... that MORON DEMINGS came through this morning and PLOUGHED THE TRUCK BACK IN! A “VISIT” TO THE “HILLCREST” IS IN FUTURE! I'M FED-THE-FUCK-UP WITH IT! THERE'S NO NEED FOR THIS SHIT-FUCKERIE!
THEN... VERY SHORTLY AFTER IT HAD DONE THE DRIVE, PLOUGHING THE BACK WALK IN TOO, OF COURSE, YONAH, WHO WOKE THIS MORNING AT ABOUT 6.46, TO MY SURPRISE AND JOY, AND WAS *FULL OF ENERGY*, SUDDENLY WENT COMPLETELY STILL IN HIS HOUSE, STANDING ON THE FLOOR (OF HIS HOUSE) GIVING THOSE SHORT AND REPEATED “HOO!HOO!HOO!s” SOMETHING DISTURBED HIM AND MY GUT SAID THAT THE SHIT-SAK DEMINGS MAY HAVE PLOUGHED A DOVE UNDER OUT THERE! I WOULDN'T DOUBT IT! SO MY INSIDES WERE IN SHREDS AND HAVE BEEN IN KNOTS EVER SINCE. HE, YONAH, DIDN'T WANT ME TO TOUCH HIM, DIDN'T REALLY WANT ME TO TALK TO HIM! WHEN I WENT TO HOLD HIM, HE WENT UP TO HIS PERCH AND JUST ROOSTED THERE, HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!!! I'M COMPLETELY AT WITS' END AND AM NOT MAKING CONTACT WITH ANYBODY TODAY... NOBODY! YONAH AND I WILL BE HERE, TOGETHER, IN THE HOUSE... He's “basking” on his loft as I type. He'd been to his futon pillows but made his way right back. The thermometre in the room reads 24,6° but I'm wondering if Yonah isn't “chilled” for some reason. I do NOT like this, at all! He DID come to roost on my head when I sat to type this though... but... went right back to the sun-shine. Once again... I'm feeling SO INCOMPETENT! I can't know, for certain, what's “off”... what's “wrong”... I just can't... me... the dumbest thing in the house... second only to the house-dust. - Well... at least the little “chores” are done. The furnace has run a few times this morning. The sun is nice, warm, but the air is still quite “crisp”. Yonah's room is NOTICEABLY WARMER than the rest of the house. - And I'm tired again... ready for a snooze. It's “that hour”, I suppose. Hey! At least I don't have any reason, other than to start and run the truck later, to leave the house today. May the world take heed... LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE! - 16.06 JUST finished Yonah's Journal for yesterday and this morning and up-loaded to the server! JUST! That's ALL I've done all day today. EXCEPT FOR PLAYING WITH YONAH... AND THE SUN SHONE... AND IS NOW SETTING ALREADY! - And McFuknut has been out pounding snow for the PEE-OH... the fuckery is closed tomorrow, the snows on the pavement are GONE... melted... but... oh well... poor miserable bastard. - Now? Time to prep meal! FUCK! Another day... gone... TOO BLOODY QUICKLY! - 20.19 Yonah is tucked-in... I have the bloody furnace up to 68F because of the bloody-fucking CHILL in this shit-box tonight! Yonah was “fluffed” because of it... His room temperature had dropped to about 21° form this afternoon's 24-plus! (I'll check the oil situation tomorrow... then again, if it's not “bad” during the week. The day it drops below 1/4 I'm on the horn! EMERGENCY! See how that works out. But I'm NOT letting this place get cold and damp! I just will NOT! I'm fed-the-fuck-up with SO much these days. I wouldn't be surprised if my extended gut isn't because of stress... my body in “survival”, hoarding calories. We... my little Heart-and-Soul and I, need to leave this box! SOON!) ANYWAY.... He was yawning at 18.45 already! Early morning... “ish”... and what-ever shook him this morning... well... for the rest of the day, we were fine. But... I HOPE we don't have a bad morning tomorrow... - I'm thinking of heading to market... thinking about it. I'll get him some veggies. Saw some videos on “chop” and he's scratching again... I HOPE it wasn't that moss I'd put in there... though that's been removed... I never did “wash” it and now I'm nervous! So, VITAMINS! VEGGIES! We'll have to give them another try... and not just broccoli! (Which reminds me... I have some in the fridge I'll have to either give the Yardies or cook-up some-how... my “soup” is finished and I'll be needing to “cook” again tomorrow. Alas.) - I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT LOO BASIN TOO !!! THERE'S MORE SHIT ON THE WALL FROM THAT DAMNED WASHER NEXT DOOR !!! A PLATE OR COVER OF SOME KIND ! MORE FUCKING INCONVENIENCES IN THIS SLUM !!! I'M TIRED OF THAT TOO ! - ANYWAY... 20.29... TIME TO NOSH AND BRIT AND RACK! -