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This morning, how-ever, I'm feeling horrifically “light-headed”. My upper chest, though not congested, is a bit “painful”. Small, sharp “pains”, spread across the chest. Not “internal”, nor “muscular”... just sporadic “pin-pricks”. And I'm not congested, there's no rumbling. And it all seems to be radiating from the centre of the chest, neither left nor right sides. And what I'm expectorating this morning isn't “tinged” with any colour... it's more “foamy white” and coming more from the upper throat, as if it's mostly, if not all, more like “post-nasal”.
I'm sitting in Yonah's room right now where the temperature is 22,2° which is quite warm, but I'm in a sherpa sweat-shirt and yet, I'm “cold” and my fingers are as cold as if I'd been digging snow. Nail-beds are “normal”, not “blue”, so it appears my “O2 sat” is “normal”.
Aside from the three “breathless episodes” of last night, I got a full 7 hours of “sleep” last night, but I'm fatigued, and have been all morning.
And there's a slight sensation of “constriction” in my throat.
It's another one of those moments, which I've had before, where I honestly feel that, if I were to “give up”, lie down and not consciously try to stay alive, I'd very likely lay down, close my eyes and drift off to death. As if my body wants, desperately, to simply “stop”, but my mind keeps it going.
Yes, it's August... usually the worst month of any year, for a great many years. Is it “unconscious anxiety”? I have to work-out the coming budget today and yes, it's going to be rather difficult for the month. But it's nothing out of the ordinary, to be honest, so that can't be an “anxiety factor”.
I've had coffee... taken the morning 3g of vitamin C with a naproxen, as I've been doing for almost a year now. And today, I plan on decreasing the vit.C from 11g too 10. I often wonder if my “trouble” isn't caused by the large dose of vit.C taken all at once. The “discomfort” in the chest often happens shortly after taking the 3g of vit.C and I consider that I take it on an empty stomach which can, as I've read in my research, cause “stomach spasms”.
I've had my morning BM... and those usually alleviate the “general malaise”. But this morning... it's the fatigue and light-headedness that causes the concern.
And, just to mention, the water on the kitchen table has a sort of “film” covering it that wasn't there before. Air bubbles in it as well... and it's been in there, other-wise clean and clear for some days now. The “film” is trapping the little bubbles... as if oxygen is being trapped, inside the water and out.
YONAH! I WILL NOT SUCCUMB TO THIS BULL-SHIT! THERE'S NO ONE TO TAKE CARE OF HIM!
Damnedest shame there are no doctors that I know of in whom I'd trust to check me.
AND, THE VERY MOMENT I CAME INTO YONAH'S ROOM AND SAT AT THE WORK TABLE TO TYPE THIS, HE CAME, IMMEDIATELY, TO REST ON MY SHOULDER! WHAT DOES HE “SENSE”? I WONDER.
I'm going to have a snooze... some-times that helps matters...
And oh, it's a bit of a drizzly, grey, chilly morning out there this morning. I COULD have been up at Nancy's and the entire job of laying the wire and setting-up the “fence” could have been complete by now. But... I'm going to have a lie-down... - 11.37 MADE IT! had a lie-down... felt terrible at first, dozed-off and woke feeling quite a bit better. I just don't understand it. Anyway.. the problem of late is that I have a FEAR... A DREAD of going to sleep, lying down... I might not wake up! Truth is... if it weren't for Yonah... I probably WOULD just go for a lie-down and not bother getting up... again... EVER! - Odd though, when I got comfy on the futon, Yonah kept calling. I wonder... I don't doubt that he “knows” something that I'm only thinking. - Well... back to ... - 12.56 I looked-up the effects of “long-term, high-dose” vit.C a little while ago... DECREASED VITAMIN B12 AND IRON RETENTION! AND THE SYMPTOMS OF BOTH OF THOSE ARE VERY SIMILAR TO WHAT I'M EXPERIENCING THESE DAYS!!! HEY! IT'S BEEN MONTHS OF THIS VIT.C MEGA-DOSING! AND EVEN JUST RECENTLY, 2 WEEKS BACK UP TO THE 11g/day THAT KICKED MY BUTT WHEN I TRIED IT FOR A MONTH! I MEAN, THE CONGESTION IS GONE, THE EXPECTORANTS ARE “WHITE” (THOUGH “FROTHY”... BUT THAT'S MORE THAN LIKELY “OXYGENATION” FROM THE “PEROXIDE” THE VIT.C CREATES.) AND THE IRON RETENTION CAUSES “INABILITY TO FOCUS”... MENTAL ISSUES... “LIGHT-HEADEDNESS”, AND BOTH THE IRON AND B12 ISSUES CAUSE FATIGUE... CHRONIC. OK. SO I REALLY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK I'M DOING TO THIS OLD BODY, AND I'LL BE DAMN-FUCKED IF I'LL TRUST THE QUACKS AT THESE MEDICAL ABATTOIRS, BUT... TODAY WE TITRE-DOWN. NEXT LITTLE SHOPPING RUN, I'LL GET SOME B12. ADD THAT TO THE REGIMEN AND SEE... HEY! THIS IS NO DIFFERENT FROM THE OLD “CHEMO DAYS”... THAT WAS “TRIAL AND ERROR”, SOMETIMES IT WORKED, SOMETIMES IT DIDN'T, SOMETIMES THINGS IMPROVED, SOMETIMES THINGS WORSENED AND MOST OF THE TIME, IT DESTROYED THE “GOOD” AS WELL AS THE “BAD”... SO? “TIME”.... LIVE AND LEARN. AT LEAST I'M FEELING BETTER WITH A BIT MORE “KNOWLEDGE”. - And Yonah has been “supervising” me again. And he's now “resting in the moss”... I was singing with the radio (Simon and Garfunkel, “The Boxer”) and he was accompanying. We're a “Duo” now! Oughtta take this show on the road! MY LOVE! - Now back to working on his Journal. - 20.42 The day's a WRAP! And Yonah's Journal is up to the 9th April! We spent this entire, rainy, dreary day, together, except for when I left his room for meal... AND AFTER MEAL, I brought him into the kitchen as I did the washing-up and he “nested” in the hood of my Sherpa... until he decided to take off and went to the top of the cup-board! I almost panicked! I thought it must be FILTHY up there! So I grabbed a chair and climbed up... and to my surprise, it's not “filthy” but it ain't “clean”. (I'll need to address that at some point... unless we move out before I get around to it.) When I brought him back down and got him back “in the hood”, he decided it was time to go home so... I finished the washing-up and went back into his room for a while. - And now... he's tucked-in and I'm going to sleep-over in there tonight. I have his futon ready. - As for me? I've been SOOOOOOOO TIRED ALL DAY! And today, I'm dropping the vit.C to 10gm so we shall see how that all works. - I MIGHT head to Walmarde tomorrow... I'm waiting to see if and how many mice are caught tonight before “seepie time”. Even one will be enough to get me on the road for moth balls, at the very least. I have a few other items I could get as well... though not much in the way of money. But I NEED to do something to get rid of these mice! - And... Ms. VT is having “guests” this evening... it's been quiet but I just heard the back door smack! Ah... and the car engine starts... Oh goodie. HOPEFULLY it will be a “quiet” night... but I'm not counting on it. - Oh well... Brits and PopTarts and off to bed we go... and hopefully... to sleep through the night. If I have “contractions” I'll go back to my own bed so as not to disturb Yonah through the night. Poor baby.
Mon.02.Aug: 18.20 THIS is the FIRST time I've been able to just sit... and get thoughts together... all day! - And it's been a “difficult” day. The “discomfort” started with the right shoulder, the right upper breast, the right side of the chest. It moved along the right arm into the right hand... as I was driving. And now, this evening, it's on the left side. But my chest feels almost “heavy”... filled with cement. “Weighty”. And, as always, I'm tired. But I'm tired because... I got out of bed at about 7.00 this morning and got into “morning routine”, as usual. BUT THIS MORNING, WHEN I CHECKED THE MOUSE TRAP... ALL OF THE “COOKIES” (THERE WERE THREE IN THERE LAST NIGHT WHEN I WENT TO BED) WERE GONE!!! AND NO MOUSE! DURING THE NIGHT, SOME LITTLE SHIT GOT IN, ATE THE COOKIES AND LEFT! I DID see that on several “reviews” of this “Tin Cat” product so I suppose I should have expected it. I've tried “adjusting” the height of the little “cover” inside the thing where the “trap” is supposed to close on a mouse as it tries to get out. I'll see if that helps. But I was PISSED and... at 9.22, as I looked at the clock, I simply decided to get into the truck and head to Plattsburgh! - The drive up was a HORROR! I WAS IN PAIN! I WAS SO TIRED THAT I COULD HAVE JUST CLOSED MY EYES AND NOT CARED (had it not been for Yonah). - Made it in great time in spite of the shits on the 9 who wanted to stay just under the “55mph” limit until I finally lost them on the Northway. - Zipped into Walmarde, looking, primarily, for floor tiles to cover the “W/D” platform... (19.21 Up from a 30-minute snooze and feeling like SHIT!!!) and a water jug for more river water, since the one I have has a leak! And,of course, moth balls for the bloody mice in the house. WELL! NO tiles except DARK BROWN, NO water jug (in spite of the fact that on-line they claim they DO have them in stock), TWO boxes of moth balls left (I took them with a bag of what's calls “crystals” but are just little balls), but I did get 3 boxes of “Zip-close” storage bags (which I'll probably never live long enough to use at the rate I'm feeling today). I was LIVID! So I grabbed and looked at the flowers... which all look like Hell so I didn't get any of those, grabbed a bottl3 of B12 tabs (which I've since learnt are NO GOOD FOR C-LUNG... in fact, too much of it can CAUSE CA-LUNG so I'm stuck with them now... because I'm NOT going back to return them! I thought it might help with all my fatigue because long-term MegaC can depleat B12... maybe I'll take one per month... and try it... though I should be getting my need from veggies and fish... salmon. Oh well... more shit)... AND... OUT! - Up to Michael's for storage jars for Yonah's food. Got 2 rather nice jars but one had a “something” in the bottom of it that I hadn't noticed when I got it. (I've since BLEACHED AND SCRUBBED AND SCOURED BOTH and what-ever it was in the one is now gone... of course, I cleaned them both MORE than enough for my own use... so they're STERILE!). Quick run to Stewart's to fill the tank and a stop at Lowe's, hoping to get the tiles there. FAT FUCKING CHANCE! The gal I asked just pointed and said “In one of the centre aisles.” Well, I looked in FIVE of those “aisles” and even looked for somebody else to help... ONE DOUCHE IN THE DEPT. DEALING WITH SOME WOMAN WHO WANTED TO “ORDER” SOME ITEM AND, WELL... by the time my patience was GONE.. I just left! And back onto the Northway to HOME! (Rolling at an average of 115kmh I must admit.) - A QUICK stop at FamDoll for smokes (never mind... besides, quitting now is just too fucking late anyway). - STOPPED AT NANCY'S TO LEAVE THE GRINDER AND TORN CHEQUE IN A BAG ON THE DOOR HANDLE. ONE CAR WAS MISSING AND IT SEEMS NOBODY WAS THERE... NOT EVEN MARCIA... I DON'T CARE, I JUST LEFT THE BAG, GOT BACK INTO THE TRUCK AND LEFT.... - I was BACK IN THE HOUSE AT 12.40!!! BOOM! - Grabbed mid-day pills and got to CANCELLING THE FUCKING LAND-LINE!!! AND THAT TOOK THE BETTER PART OF ABOUT 45 MINUTES, GIVING MY PARTICULARS TO ONE SHIT-BAG WHO TRANSFERRED ME TO ANOTHER “JORDAN” AND “JORDAN” NEEDED ALL MY INFO AGAIN! ODDLY... THERE WAS NO “BETTER OFFER” MADE, HE JUST CANCELLED THE PHONE! BUT... IT'S STILL ON THE CURRENT BILL SO I'LL BE SENDING A PAYMENT LESS THE PHONE SINCE THAT'S PAID IN ADVANCE AND THIS IS THE FIRST BUSINESS DAY OF THE MONTH! I JUST NEED TO GET A MONEY ORDER NOW... FUCK! AND WHILE I WAS ON THE LINE WITH SPECTRUM, I DUMPED THE “CRYSTALS” DOWN INTO THE BOTTOM OF THE CUP-BOARD UNDER THE KITCHEN BASIN AND SEALED WITH DUCT TAPE! GOT THE WHOLE JOB DONE WHILST ON WITH THE DIP-SHITS OF SPECTRUM! - 19.36 OK... So here I sit in Yonah's room and the fucking place REEKS of FUCKING MOTH BALLS! I have the fan on in the kitchen, trying to blow it out the front door but... I'm going to have to close his door tonight at this rate. It's supposed to drop to 10° tonight so leaving his window open is questionable. I could put the radiator on but I don't know that that would keep it warm enough in the room. And I don't really want to close the door with him in the room alone... with potential mice! I'm thinking: I'll sleep in his room tonight, with the door closed and the loo window open and the fan running in the bed-room on “Exhaust” and the other one in the kitchen. - “Meal”... veggie-angel hair and ice cream. I wasn't hungry but I KNOW I MUST eat something every day and skipping mid-day... not good. And the C-routine is now 3,2,3,2. I figure the 3 with “meal” is better... a LOT of my “discomfort” is in the region of my stomach... the “pain” is the right side, but the “discomfort” is probably the stomach. I'll have to figure a way to get something in there in the morning now too. - And Yonah has been rather OBVIOUSLY upset with me today. He was glad to see me this morning, glad to see men when I got back. (Sadly, I hadn't opened his window before leaving and it got warm today, with the bright sun-shine.) But I don't think he appreciated me being “busy” when I got back. AND HE'S PLUCKING DOWN FEATHERS AGAIN! I'M WONDERING IF (AND HOPING THAT) IT'S SEASONAL MOULTING! BUT IT FRIGHTENS ME! And, of course, the moth balls don't make be any more the comfortable... I'm WHITE-HOT BURNING LIVID THAT IT'S EVEN NECESSARY! In spite of the accounts of others having the same trouble this year. - *** AND TOO ALSO... SOME YOUNG COUPLE ON BICYCLES HAVE SET-UP A TENT IN THE “PARK” ACROSS THE HILL THIS EVENING! BIKES AND BACK-PACKS ON A BENCH... AND EARLIER, THEY HAD SOME THINGS HANGING ON THE FENCING WHERE THE TREE USED TO BE. THIS SHOULD PROVE INTERESTING TONIGHT. A FIRST. (Thankfully, it appears they've “turned-in” already and there are no fires. We shall see...) - So that's the day... and Yonah has had a bit of a nosh as I typed. - In other news, this “discomfort” and “pain” and “annoyance” is getting to me today. I DON'T HAVE 10 DAYS TO STAY AWAY IF “SURGERY” IS NECESSARY. AND I KNOW IT'S TOO LATE TO “STOP” WHAT-EVER IS ABOUT TO COME ALONG... I “DO” WANT TO KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER... BUT I “DON'T” WANT TO TO KNOW. AND THERE ARE PILLS THAT CAN BE TAKEN, INJECTIONS... ALTERNATIVES TO SURGERIES, BUT I *KNOW* I CAN'T AFFORD THEM AND THEY WON'T BE OFFERED ANY-WAY... I HAVE TO BE HERE FOR YONAH... AND I HAVE TO FIND SOMEBODY WHO WILL LOVE HIM... BECAUSE I *KNOW* WE DON'T HAVE ALL THAT MUCH LONGER TOGETHER AND I WON'T HAVE HIM “TOSSED” OUT INTO THE YARD!!! If anything is dragging me down, it's the worry... I LOVE THIS LITTLE GUY SO VERY MUCH, AND HE OBVIOUSLY LOVES ME, IN HIS OWN LITTLE WAY. I CAN'T AND WON'T BETRAY AND ABANDON HIM! Tomorrow, I'll have to pop off an e-mail to that “rescue” in East Greenbush... and juggle the budget for August to get a doctor appointment... the doctor is in Queensbury... not all that far from E. Greenbush... maybe I could get the doctor and a “tour” of the “rescue” in for the same day. POOR YONAH... in the truck all that while. BUT it would give the “rescue” folks a chance to see him, and if after the doctor... a clean bill of health! Hey! Plans... MUST do best for the “Little One”! - And now... 19.55 (imagine... fuck), time to get to water changes and figure out the night... the room is getting a little dark here... - 23.04 MOUSE... nibbling on the foil-wrapped tea-light cups on the stove! WTAF? - And... APPROVED FOR LIFE-LINE PHONE SERVICE! Now I need to find somebody who provides it... Verizon is 25$.month! WTAF? - On the “agenda” tomorrow... call the NorthEast Avian Rescue... I need to “prepare”. - Tonight? Off to Yonah's futon... as the fan blow the useless mothballs out the window.
Tue.03.Aug: (ON Fri.06.Aug: 15.06 from notes jotted on Tue. at 21.05)
SLEPT IN YONAH'S ROOM LAST NIGHT! It actually got a bit chilly in there, in spite of the radiator being on, so I was under the sleeping bag. I want SO much to SEE what happens with these mice and, well... what happened was... THEY GOT INTO THAT USELESS TRAP, ATE WHAT WAS IN THERE AND LEFT! I'm PISSED as all HELL! The damned thing cost almost 20$ and serves as a “Meal Stop”! I'd like to get my hands round the neck of every shit-sack who has any part of production of these things. (Though, I HAVE seen “reviews” of the very product that tell the same story.) I NEED to “build a better mouse trap”! I don't want to KILL them, and I don't want “SNAP” all night as traps flip. But I'm losing patience and compassion! And the noise through the night, and poor Yonah having to hear it! Yeah... I'm NOT exactly “tickled”. One of these days... I'll figure it out. Meanwhile... I keep thinking... - Now as a note... *** I MOWED THE LAWN TODAY! *** Discovered that I need to START with that little section at the house, then to “my little back yard”, then start at the PO shed and mow North-to-South down the yard. It was a LOT easier and seems, quicker. AND... *** OF REAL NOTE? I'D FELT PRETTY MUCH LIKE SHIT ALL DAY UNTIL I MOWED! EXERCISE TAKES THE PAINS AWAY! *** So now I REALLY wonder what's actually “wrong” in this old body. But... the lawn got mowed! (If I didn't actually enjoy doing it... I really wouldn't bother. I'm grown tired of the shit in this place, being treated like a “White Trash tenant” meanwhile, next door... Well... the lawn is mowed. Fukkit! - AND... ALL the bills got paid this morning! And Spectrum? Shitfux took the phone service off the bill but it's STILL OVER 80$! Of a note: as I was finishing the lawn, Dan came by and actually stopped, parked in the drive to chat! We got talking about Spectrum and, well... even though I'm not at all in the least even slightly something vaguely resembling “happy” about MY bill... Dan tells that he's STUCK WITH A CONTRACT UNTIL MARCH 2022... mobile phones, television, internet, land-line... HIS bill is about 260$/MONTH and he can't “modify” it! He did manage to cancel Mike's mobile number BUT... he's STILL stuck paying it! “Contract”. And should he TRY to break contract, it'll cost him a FORTUNE! I, personally... well, there's another group I'd like, very much... let's just say: It's no wonder that some people shoot other people. SOME people DESERVE to be shot... not killed... but incapacitated... for the rest of their natural lives! Oh... this world makes me sick. (Were it not for Yonah... I'd be “out of here” so fast!) - ANOTHER ACCOMPLISHMENT: I MANAGED TO “EDGE” THE HILL SIDE LILIES! ONLY “MY” SECTION FROM THE MAIN TO THE CELLAR SHED. BUT, it's something I've wanted to do for a while and it's done! And there's room for a few nice flowers... Shame they'd probably be eaten or other-wise destroyed. Still... it “appears” I'm keeping the place nice... or... what-ever. After it was all done, I even swept the front... MY front of the house. (Shame, again... no nice flowers in the boxes, but maybe come the “Autumn flower” season... “MAYBE”! - Started to cut my hair this evening, before showering... THE FUCKING TRIMMER HAS TRULY SHIT THE SHEETS! It doesn't “really” cut. Took me a forever and it's a shit job. At fist glance it looks “neater”, “cleaner”, but there's MUCH more that needs to be done to “finish”... so I HAD TO ORDER A NEW ONE... FUCKING SHAME... ANOTHER REMINGTON... ALMOST IDENTICAL TO THIS ONE. BUT, I've had this one a few years so 28$ (when I don't believe I paid the first one even 20$) with any luck this one will out-live me! And at the cost of a hair-cut these days... one cut and it's paid itself so... I need to stop bitching. - And... the day... FINALLY comes to a close and I need a fucking shower! I mean... *** NO CHOICE, NO MAYBE, NO CONSIDERING... *** NEED *** and I want to just lay down and fughedaboudit! OFF to the shower! (at 23.07... this is one REALLY BLOODY-FUCKING LATE ONE AGAIN! DAMNIT!)
Wed.04.Aug: (ON Fri.06.Aug: 15.06 from notes jotted on Wed. at 22.00)
Slept in Yonah's room again, last night. HEARD A MOUSE DROP INTO THE “WATER BOTTLE” TRAP AND JUMP AROUND.... BUT DIDN'T GET UP TO LOOK. THIS MORNING... NO FUCKING MOUSE! AND... AGAIN... THE “COOKIE” IN THE EXPENSIVE TRAP WAS GONE AND AGAIN... NO MOUSE! *BUT* I'D SWEAR ONE CROSSED MY HAND AS I LAID ON THE FUTON! I FELT SOMETHING “SOFT” AND *SWUNG* MY HAND AWAY AND... WELL... OF COURSE, IT WAS GONE... AND I FELL ASLEEP. - WOKE AT 8.00 FROM A hORRIBLE DREAM THAT MAKES NO SENSE AT ALL (except the “obvious”... well, to me, anyway):
It seems I was Homeless and staying, on some sort of “invitation”, at Schmulik's place. It was large, dark, “cavernous”. And he was “busy” with all sorts of his own affairs and some kind of business. I was getting ready to leave, but whether it was for the day or permanently was very ambiguous when I passed a small table of sorts, on which was a phone or iPod of some kind or another, and it was playing the most GRAPHIC FIST-FUCKING VIDEOS! THERE WAS SHIT ALL OVER THE PLACE IN THEM! I WAS REALLY SHAKEN AND REPULSED, and wondering WHO, in the house, was watching this sort of thing and was THIS what Schmulik was currently “in to”! But I was convinced that I wanted to be out of that house... and started thinking about where I'd go from there... knowing I had NO place to go to from there. I went into what was “my” room and the bed that I'd been sleeping on... the sheets were strewn about, a very pale grey “duvet” was on the bed and the whole thing was FILTHY... with shit and black gravel on it! I decided I HAD to leave... THEN... IMMEDIATELY! There was NO way I was EVER going to get back onto that bed! So I grabbed what was my “coat” which was more like a “down-filled duvet” too, almost floor-length, and FILTHY... BADLY STAINED WITH I-HAD-NO-IDEA-WHAT... as if I'd “lived” in it for some time, on the streets! I headed out to the streets in it. The dream snapped to the next “segment”. I was on the streets, in an old, abandoned car that I'd been “residing” in for some time. It was similar to “day-break”, dark but light, grey... sky, air, buildings... dreary! I “sensed” somebody staring in the windows at me and looked up to see “Schmulik” looking in with a smile. He wanted me to “come back to the house”. I told him that I've NEVER go back to that place, and, in that same “duvet-coat” I got out of the car and headed to a subway, destined for... I had no idea. At the entrance, there were young, “Yuppie” types, all dressed in their business finery, it was “morning rush hour” and they were moving about as if they didn't see me! I had to get on the subway bound for the “McDonald's” station and was wondering how I'd get onto the train... having no fare and knowing I'd be packed in with these “Yuppies”! I was ANGRY! Just generally MAD-ANGRY at EVERYBODY around me and I saw MANY who I knew were getting on the train to head for the stores to shop-lift because that's what they did every morning.
THAT'S what I woke from... to start the day... - OK... as it moved along, I put the bed-linens in the basin and made a wash this morning. That was due anyway. They weren't “dirty” but it's a new month and... I'd gone out and put them on the lines and Rita's Chris was there. Today was Rita's MD appointment. BUT... Chris had no sooner gotten out of her car when she came up on Rita's back gallery and pulled-out a cigarette! I ASKED... pleasantly, “if she wouldn't mind” and she made a joking comment about “You don't want the smell on your sheets?” (Jokingly) but then she went and stood by her car to have her smoke! Well... OK. At least she didn't flip about over it. Still... imagine if I hadn't been there. Yes, more determination to get the fuck out of here! I “jokingly” made a remark about car traffic and dust and such, Chris said “Are you saying you don't like it here?” and something about telling the landlord and I yelled “OH GOOD! PLEASE! COMPLAIN ABOUT ME. MAYBE HE'LL PAY ME TO LEAVE!” (so that it could be heard next door.) Rita mentioned “I don't know it it's HUD or that I'm female but he DOES treat me better.” I said, as Chris sat there “He's afraid of her.” (pointing to Chris). And Chris looked up at me and said “She doesn't want you to leave!” So, loudly enough to be heard... by New Russia, I said “He's accustomed to and comfortable with renting to White Trash. He has NO idea how to treat civil people, good tenants. That's why I figure, I'll step away and he can go back to his 'comforts'.” (Later, Rita said that it pisses her off that he's afraid of Chris, and treating her, Rita, like some incapable old woman. Looks like this house ain't a “happy house”. Oh well...) - Managed to get into Aubuchon's for PVC to make a mouse trap out of the old water jug. TOOK ME OVER AN HOUR looking at what they had and trying to “configure” it all. At the end, there was no “UPC” on the larger piece so I went back to the aisle and gave a number on a sticker that had no description or price on it... the guy rang it... AND IT CAME TO ABOUT 15$ LESS THAN WHAT I THINK IT PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE COST! I'm looking at it as my “refund” of *over-charges*... 2$ for the boot tray, almost 6$ on the two cans of foam insulation, and the extra 1$ on the bird seed. WELL! COME TO FIND OUT... THE PIECES FIT PERFECTLY AND THE LARGE ONE “SNAPS” RIGHT INTO THE “FILL HOLE” ON THE JUG! NEW TRAP FOR TONIGHT! (I'm just sorry that it took me so long to get the parts... time away from Yonah... y'know... I'm NEVER happy about that anyway... no matter how long or short.) - To make it just about “perfect”.... the NEW water jug arrived today! AND... it appears to be in perfect condition! VERY nicely packed. And the timing? Couldn't have been better! (Now I have to get the strength to get down to the river... and that's more of a challenge than I care to even think about at the moment. But at least there's a jug! WOOHOO! - Looking forward to tomorrow and the tiles arriving. Another spot to be sealed (the W/D platform) against mice! Can't have too many of those. Maybe I'll put some white paint on that little alcove too... we shall see how I feel about it. - AND... I finally weeded the “feeding area” out back today, pulled the grasses, left the strawberries and potatoes. (I don't know why... they're green... I suppose.) -
A THOUGHT CAME TO MIND TODAY...: I THINK... *THINK* WHAT I HAVE MIGHT BE “FARMER'S LUNG” (OR “DUNG LUNG” AS IT'S MORE APPROPRIATELY CALLED). THE SYMPTOMS, INCLUDING THE FEELING MUCH BETTER AFTER EXERCISE ARE “CLASSIC” according to what I've read. The thing is: it's claimed that it can't be “cured”... only controlled. (Now I'd like to have it checked, but I need to find a fucking quack to do that and even then... at the rate things in “medical” are going these days, years, I doubt I'd trust that diagnosis. One important item over all others: IF Yonah will be “with me” for at least 5 years... I HAVE to come up with those 5 years to be here for him. So yes, it's time to get to the bottom of all this bull-shit. I mentioned something about the cost of treatments for cancers these days, in a chat with Rita and she said “You'd probably be surprised; if you can get on Medicare or Medicaid, there's a LOT they can help with.” Well... looks like we're about to be “surprised”... I've NO doubt my surprise will be annoyance, aggravation and disappointment. Still, I NEED to know about the “5 years” and... so I shall... or not... but I'll try... for Yonah.)
Oh, oh, oh... I also checked the “status” of the FS application: “Rectification” documents and such are received... no other info. I'll have to call them again... just to see. (I don't expect any “good news”... I don't expect.) - AND TONIGHT FRESH SHEETS ON THE BED TONIGHT AT LAST! BUT I'LL SLEEP IN YONAH'S ROOM AGAIN TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS WITH THE “NEW TRAP” It's 26° in Yonah's room tonight. We had a WONDERFUL day together... although... I took TWO HOURS getting the parts for the trap and some groceries. Still... I made SURE to spend time with him and he was SO appreciative! HE'S BEEN SUPER AFFECTIONATE of late... I wonder what he knows... He's BRILLIANT in so many ways... - WELL... I'm now TWO days behind in Journalling for me and Yonah... SHIT! I've got “notes” and a LOT to fill in before I forget and have to either wing-it or leave blanks! (And I don't want to do that on Yonah's Journal! THAT'S IMPORTANT! MUCH MORE THAN THIS “JOURNAL”! -
22.50 and THREE MICE in the “new trap” BUT one got away and I HAD to put a bit of plastic yoghurt lid on the exit. There were TWO in there right away but I let the one go on the front porch because it was so docile that I couldn't leave it in there any longer... but it stayed in there as I removed the PVC and put the plastic flap on! Now there's another little one in there but I need a shower.... Hopefully there's enough air for the night. AND hopefully there will be MORE mice in there 'fore long.
Thu.05.Aug: (ON Fri.06.Aug: 15.06 from notes jotted on Thu.. at 20.39)
20.39 SO FAR BEHIND WITH JOURNALS BUT IT'S HOT AND I'M TIRED AGAIN.
Spent last night with Yonah again...and “caught” FOUR mice! ONE of them, I got to release but THREE ESCAPED! AND I ACTUALLY GOT TO WITNESS ONE OF THEM ESCAPE! THEY JUMP! AND DO THEY EVER JUMP! I CAN'T IMAGINE HOW THEY KNOW EXACTLY WHERE TO JUMP TO, AND THEN, HOW THEY MANAGE TO HOLD ONTO THE SOLID SIDES OF THE PVC! WHAT A FUCK! But the one I released, I HAD TO! The little thing just sat, up where the handle is formed in the jug... so timid... so calm. My heart just softened, so I brought it out right away... to the “park” across the hill. But it made for a REALLY BAD NIGHT WHERE SLEEP IS CONCERNED! EVERY TIME I HEARD ONE IN THE JUG, I WOKE, LAID ON THE FUTON, SHONE THE FLASH-LIGHT AND WATCHED. WELL... BY THE TIME I ACTUALLY DID GET TO SLEEP... IT MUST HAVE BEEN ALMOST DAY! NEEDLESS TO SAY, I'M EXHAUSTED! (And NOT feeling well... I can't tolerate “all-nighters” any more. I feel like I could DIE, if I don't get the “right” sleep these days.) BUT... I got another night with my “Beebiness”! WOOHOO! - So... first thing this morning I worked on a “flap” to block “exits” from the jug. I'm not sure how it's going to work but... trial and error... We'll get to the bottom of it! And if not? Well... maybe a few “snaps” in the night will be necessary at some point. - MEAN-WHILE... ANOTHER INDESCRIBABLE DAY WITH MY LOVE AND LIFE! AND THIS MORNING, AS I WAS GETTING NOTES TOGETHER FOR THE CALLS I WANTED TO MAKE (DOCTOR... IN PARTICULAR, YES... I DID...) HE CAME *FLYING* OUT OF HIS HOUSE AND LANDED ON MY HEAD AND SAT THERE FOR A BIT OF A WHILE, AS IF LOOKING TO SEE WHAT I WAS WRITING! AND WHEN I MOVED TO GET THE PHONE, HE MOVED TO MY SHOULDER FOR A BIT! HE COMES OF HIS OWN CHOOSING NOW! YEP... THAT'S MY LITTLE GUY... MORE LIKE, THAT'S MY HEART-BEAT! TO THINK, HE COMES TO ME BECAUSE HE WANTS TO NOW!
AND SO... I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT WITH A LOCAL QUACK (MD) ON 1 SEPT AT 14.00! I CALLED FOR DOCTOR DAVIS BUT “JENNIFER” (OH GOD... ONE OF “THOSE”!!!) TOLD ME THAT DAVID IS ONLY “EMERGENCY” NOW. (THE WEB-SITE IS FULL OF SHIT BUT THAT'S TO BE EXPECTED, I SUPPOSE). SO WHEN I TOLD HER THAT I'D LIKE A MALE DOCTOR SHE SAID... (OH FUCK) “WE HAVE ONE.” *ONE*? WELL FUCK ME WITH A PICK-UP! SHE WAS UNDERSTANDING THOUGH AND SAID THAT THE EARLIEST APPOINTMENT IS ON THE 1ST. OH THIS IS CHARMING! BUT THE FACT OF THIS MATTER IS: YONAH MIGHT JUST MAKE IT THROUGH AT LEAST THE NEXT 5 YEARS AND I *** NEED *** TO KNOW IF I HAVE THOSE 5 YEARS!!! I'LL DO WHAT IT TAKES TO MAKE SURE I DON'T LEAVE HIM! BUT THE ONLY WAY TO KNOW WITH ANY CERTAINTY IS TO ... WELL... SADLY... GO TO A SHIT-BAG WHO CAN ARRANGE FOR ALL THE MATTERS NECESSARY. SO? IF I MUST... I MUST. HEY, IF NOTHING ELSE, I'LL USE THIS DIP-SHIT AS A STARTING POINT FOR FURTHER INVESTIGATIONS AND WORK FROM THERE. SO FOR NOW, I'LL JUST KEEP MAKING SURE THAT I'M AROUND UNTIL THE 1ST... (OF ALL THE MONTHS... AUGUST! OH JOLLY FUKKALL!!!) I'M NOT “HAPPY” ABOUT ANY OF THIS BUT... AS I SAY... I DO NOT WANT TO BE PUT-UP IN SOME ABATTOIR FOR 10 DAYS... NEVER MIND AND OVER-NIGHT! I WILL *NOT* LEAVE YONAH!!! NOT! NOT! NOT! NOT! NOT!
And so too... the FLOOR TILES ARRIVED TODAY! They're not bad. Not really what I expected but... I got RIGHT to the application which wasn't what I'd expected either. That platform isn't exactly 3x5ft so tiles had to be cut. BUT... as I pulled the boxes and such I found MORE moth balls so they went into the space under and the tiles got laid, and I “trimmed” with white duct tape all round. It's not bad... and it IS cleaner (looking and other-wise) and will be easier to KEEP cleaner AND ALL THE SPACES ARE SEALED! AND IF THERE ARE ANY MICE “IN RESIDENCE” UNDER IT, THEY'RE FUCKED! It took me more hours than I'd wanted to give it but, in the long run over-all.. it was well worth it. - Sadly, mournfully, remorsefully, too many “chats” with Rita again today and “meal” was LATE and ONLY a chicken breast! NOT GOOD FOR HEALTH! I didn't get to it until 18.00! So my vitamins and such are off an hour again tonight! Oh well... But I don't like it because I'll be late to get to Yonah! And well... the more I “plan” for an “early night” the later I am... but I need to stop this shit! Chats and lateness! - It's miserably hot tonight and the forecast is for hotter to come! The météo DID report that August was going to be brutal! I'm pondering another “Bionaire” for Yonah's room... if it would come on time. We NEED some kind of air circulation in that room! And I'm seriously pondering another night in there... he seems not to mind me and my “checking the trap” and who knows? He might just enjoy knowing I'm there! I just don't want to keep disturbing him through the night... I'll have to work on that. - Little “Health Report” du jour: I've been feeling “heavy in the chest and 'chokey' in the throat” of late. I don't like that! And sometimes it feels as if the back of my tongue “slips” and I seriously can't breath unless I actually, consciously THINK about it. But... the 1st... We'll see what the fuktardz have to say bout it... if anything. - 20.45 and I'm finally settling-down for the night. A little nosh, a little QI. A quick shower and to bed! Tomorrow, the only items on the agenda are a trip into town, smokes, peanut butter for the trap... river water, YONAH!!!! and working to catch-up on these JOURNALS! - 23.20 I'm sitting at the kitchen table and A MOUSE CAME OUT FROM UNDER THE FRIDGE! WHAT THE FUCK? Only about 20 minutes ago I released one and put another flat on the trap... this one under the large opening so there's no “jumping” back up into it! Now I want to know how they're getting under the damned fridge! All this fucking work today and STILL fucking MICE! - Mid-night addendum: I DISCOVERED A HOLE... A NEAT HOLE ABOUT THE DIAMETER OF A NICKLE, DRILLED IN THE FLOOR BETWEEN THE STOVE AND THE BASINS!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK! WORSE? I TRIED TO USE WHAT WHAT LEFT IN THE FOAM INSULATION BECAUSE THE INSTRUCTIONS SAY IT CAN BE DONE BUT THE FUCKING NOZZLE WAS CLOGGED AND I GOT THE SHIT ON MY HANDS AGAIN! SO I PULLED THE NOZZLE OFF, SHOVED THE CAN INTO THE HOLE AND FILLED IT! AND THEN... QUICKLY... “HERBAL ESSENCE ARGAN OIL CONDITIONER”... RUB, RUB, RUB... RINSE, DRY... BIG GLOP OF AVEENO HAND LOTION, RUB, RUB, RUB AGAIN... DAWN DISH LIQUID, SCRUB, SCRUB, SCRUB... I THINK I GOT IT ALL (OR AT LEAST MOST) OFF! BUT... BED AT 1.00!!! OH FUCK ME! AND NO... NO SHOWER... AND “BED”? YONAH'S FUTON!
Fri.06.Aug: 3.34 Well? I was on the futon in Yonah's room by about mid-night and had drifted off when the “night sweats” began and woke me. Shortly after came the “thumping” and such... a mouse in the trap. I wanted to see if the “new flap” worked, so the flash-light went on, several times and well, I can't get back to sleep now (and am in the beginnings of a “hot flash” now, with some kind of “pain” in the stomach, behind the sternum, and a bit of a “lump” in the upper chest/lower throat. Oh... honestly, these “pains”) so I decided to get up and see about getting some of the “back journalling” done. In a few hours, the market and FamDoll will open. I can run to those early and if I get tired during the day? Fine. I'll snooze, or something. The only other items on the agenda today are getting river water and washing some clothes. Really... that's about it. So there we have it. Coffee at hand, Yonah's door is slightly shut against the kitchen light and, I suppose this means this day has “commenced”... we'll see how it runs along. (I don't feel particularly “tired” but then, my body isn't a stranger to “naps”.) - Oh... happy fucking birthday... Dot! - 5.12 catching-up with Yonah's journal... have had a coffee and a half... but... I'm off to the living-room futon... for a snooze! - 14.54 Oh Yeah... I went for that “snooze”... my head hit the pillows and I was OUT... and didn't wake until almost 9.00!!! THE WORST: YONAH! I'd taken his food out last night and he had NOTHING this morning! But I JUMPED UP, got right to changing his water, giving him his fresh food and HE WENT FOR BREAKFAST IMMEDIATELY! I FELT LIKE THE WORLD'S BIGGEST PIECE OF SHIT! - It took me almost forever to get myself actually moving along with the day too... Even now, after a 30-minute snooze just now, I'm “just not here”. I'm EXHAUSTED! Broken nights are NOT something I can “recover” from any more. - But I did get to FamDoll and the market... quickly, at 11.00! - They're back to being “masked” again and I had what seems a bit of a border-line “argument” with Casey about it. I'm FED-THE-FUCK-UP with this bull-shit and all the little brainless, mindless, selfless shits who just follow along with all of this, un-questioningly. - Anyway, it's HOT... HOT... HOT... hazy but thankfully not humid today and there's a slight breeze to make it tolerable. - And Yonah? This morning, when I got back from market, I got started repairing tote bags and as I did, he came FLYING over to sit on my shoulder again! POOR LITTLE GUY! He too, was up and down through the night, last night! - Speaking of which, that last mouse managed to CHEW the plastic flap and get out! So, this morning, I cut the lid from a tin of peaches and put THAT in there! Now, let's see how that works... tonight, again, will tell. (And I'm trying to decide whether or not I can tolerate another night of “curiosity”... being up and down through it all, or, I could be in Yonah's and just ignore it? I don't want to NOT be in the room, but I have to figure how to get sleep... and HOPE Yonah gets some too. That trap might work, but the jumping of the mice and the trying to escape... bang, bang, thud, thump... Well... I have “work” to do on this “trap” shit. - And Yonah's Journal is caught-up finally! I did that before nap. Now... I have to get THIS one up. I have “notes”... So... at 15.04 off to that. It's almost “meal” time again... another day slips away! FUCK! - And this heat has me “weak and woozy”. - And I still need to get to the river! -
19.29 JUST HAD IT OUT WITH ALDEN... HE CALLED (AND FUCKING SKYPE IS RINGING THROUGH... PROBABLY BECAUSE OF THE FUCKING INTERNET)... “Did you pay me for this month's rent?” WELL! (on the first and it takes 4 days to get to him so it should have been there today but... IMAGINE? HE JUST GOT IT ABOUT SITTING ON IT UNTIL THE 27TH AND MY MAIL GOING ALL OVER THE COUNTY AND A COUPLE OF “FUCKS” WHICH HE DIDN'T APPRECIATE AND I MENTIONED THE 2 INSPECTORS AND HOW I'M FED UP WITH THE “IN-BREED RETARDS” WORKING AT THIS PO WHO THINK THIS IS A JOKE AND HOW I DON'T JOKE WITH MY HOUSING... I THINK HE RANG-OFF ON ME SO WE SHALL SEE.... ESPECIALLY WHEN WE SEE THE “POST MARK” - 21.02 fuKING skYPE DISCONNECTED THE CALL BUT ALDEN CALLED BACK TO “IRON THINGS OUT”. WE TALKED FOR OVER AN HOUR AGAIN AND AS I SAID: THANKFULLY IT ISN'T A MONEY ORDER. AND CLARIFIED THAT IT'S THE “E-TOWN PO” AT THE BOTTOM OF IT ALL. ANYWAY, THINGS ARE “SMOOTHED” But he made a comment about caring more for people's feelings than the money. Yeah? I JUST happened to notice “5-Day Grace period” ended yesterday and he's on my arse TODAY? OH YEAH? Well... FUCK YOU! (I just might chat with Rita about applying for “Section 8” and having them come in to “inspect” this rat-trap... stove, fridge... hot water for the PO? &c. Yeah... I'll “sleep on it” but I'm SERIOUSLY TEMPTED. We shall see... “Feelings”? Watch mine! - 21.35 SO much for a “good night's sleep” tonight again. I'm JUST CAUGHT-UP WITH ALL THE JOURNALS!!! - But Yonah is tucked-in, traps set for the night. My vits. taken... Today's regimen was 2xC@4.00, 2xCcNaproxen@9.00, 2xCcD&E@noon, 2xC@17.30, 2xCcNaproxen@20.15. (NOTING! 21.37 AND THAT THING NEXT DOOR IS OUT ON THE BACK GALLERY TALKING TO THE CAT AND SMACKING THE FUCKING SCREEN DOOR! SHE'S HAVING HER KIDS HERE TOMORROW... I'M DREADING... OH! HOW I'M DREADING! I'M TIRED, FUCK... AND NOT FEELING WELL... FUCK... AND JUST HAD IT OUT WITH ALDEN... FUCK AND... ) Now... I'm going to have some ice cream which I didn't have after meal which was half a chicken breast and pasta with the left-over broccoli that I'd gotten last trip to Hannaford's. A little QI. Listening to the mouse trap in Yonah's room. A shower and... a night with YONAH! And tomorrow will handle itself when it arrives... NO WORK! (Now to get all this shit onto the servers before QI!) - 23.40 Shower done. Off to YONAH'S room!
Sat.07.Aug: 12.24 A FULL NIGHT OF SLEEP LAST NIGHT! My head hit those pillows and I was OUT! And NO MICE in any of the traps... not through the night, nor in them this morning. (I wonder.) And I woke, of my own, at about 7.00... JUMPED to give Yonah his breakfast and open curtains and windows and... went right back to “futon”... UNTIL 9.00!!! Bounced up, kettle on, water changes, breakfast to the back-yard flocks... the “morning routine”... at 9.00!!! (Now, if somebody would be kind enough to tell me why I'm EXHAUSTED NOW... after having done nothing but the “on-line” shit of a day... ) - And fucking Skype isn't ringing through again! Another call from “FL” (probably to say that the cheque arrived today... but what-ever, I wouldn't have answered the call anyway... fucking bull-shit to the nose). So there we have the aggravation du jour for today... though I'm sure there's more to follow. - Honestly, I'm beginning to wonder about my “tolerance levels” of late. And I'm starting to question my general “mental health” with all of this annoyance and such. I really DON'T have ANY tolerance left for almost anything. And the constant fatigue doesn't help... nor does the “heaviness” in the chest which, today, in on the LEFT side! Oh well... - The sun is shining through a haze and it's getting ever-hotter. But the box fan is on in Yonah's room and keeping the air moving. It's the best I can do with what I have. - I discovered, last night, that mice are coming from under the fridge so tomorrow... we'll have to move that and see what's what. This morning, I went to the cellar and noticed that a “register” for the heating that may have, at one time, blown into the kitchen, at a place that's now behind the fridge, was taken out. It appears, “down there”, to be properly “sealed-off” but... tomorrow will tell. I'm just annoyed and even more seriously considering “HUD”... if that's the only way to get things “repaired/replaced” around here. If I'm to “depart” with-in the next year or even 10, I may as well “live comfortably”? Actually, truth is, I don't much care about ME and that sort of thing... and I'm pretty sure nothing can/will be done about the “vermin” situation, but I WANT “LIFE” to be the best-possible for Yonah... - On that.... I want to jot on Yonah's Journal page now and get back to his “April” page... I have “work” to be done and, I'm NOT going to the river in this heat... and the humidity... and the “threat” of a storm... though I doubt we'll get one of those any time too soon. - Have taken morning and “lunch” pills... not sure about “meal” tonight and I probably should have something to eat with the “pills” but... I'm just not hungry. Oh... just to hang on for another 3 weeks... just... - 15.04 I was having a snooze and at about 14.05... the phone... (HEY! THE SHIT RANG THROUGH! FUCK ME!): “FL”... “I received an envelope, neatly typed this time, post-marked 'Albany' on the 2nd... so it's not the local office...” (Clueless dolt, that one, as if he actually has any first-hand experience.) Anyway, good to know... for me... that to him... 10 days from New Russia to... for me... post goes from here to be post-marked “Albany”. I'm thinking the mail from NR gets dumped with the mail from Liztoon and shipped out on the trucks to Albany where it's processed. Ah... so there's no tracing it back to Liztoon! Good to know... For the next event? I'll have to see about it going out... perhaps... from Plattsburgh. (Nothing like keeping folks on their toes. Meanwhile... I MUST figure how to get back to the “old” routine... budget in advance. For now? I'm happy with things as they are. And fuck the fucking landlord... and if I DO go through with “Section 8”? Oh... best of luck with that... max I'll pay-out will be, at present, 327.30 ... 172 less! Not a LOT less... and Rita claims she pays 50/month? Not sure how that works but... she says she gets about the same Soc.Sec... I doubt that. But WTF? It's worth a “look into”... MORE MONEY FOR YONAH! - Meanwhile... I'm still heavy-chested, tired, fatigued, and trying to get to Yonah's “April” page... OH... concentration and the likes... my brain is in a fat-laden soup! - 19.30 Yonah's April Journal page is on the 15th and on the server! And there's rain falling... and it's hot... HUMID... and Yonah and I have been together ALL day! AND he's come to me twice during. But I've been making sure to take breaks... “Cuddle Breaks”! Sadly, it's getting dark already because of the rain... and tonight, at about 22.00 we're due for some HEAVY rains. Shame, really, both of Yonah's windows have been open all day, the box fan blowing across the room from the door... hopefully it won't get too hot in this room tonight. - Meanwhile, I'm feeling that constant “fatigue” today and truly “heavy” inside the ribs. I looked-up “FROTHY SPUTUM” today... Indications of “CHF”, “pulmonary edema” (I think Mum had that, round about the time they Dx emphysema)... “the plague”, &c. Nothing really “good”. Primary probable cause “bacterial infection”, but with all this vitC... Primary treatment includes antibiotics. Well? I had that infection coming out of Tilden... and the antibiotics I had to take for the “kidney infection” actually did make me feel better. AND... IF the troubles are “Dung Lung”... antibiotics are the only temp treatment for that. SO... I'll just have to put up with this shit for another 3 weeks... I suppose. I don't like it but I guess shit happens that way (bah-bahp-bee-yoodie-doo-bah-bahp... as it were). It's this wanting to snooze just about every 4 hours! Oh well. - I've opened all the windows in the living-room on the “Hill” side for the night. Tonight's forecast is 18° so... and tomorrow is SUNDAY... NO PEE-OH! And tonight I WANT to get to bed ON TIME!!! And... probably, again... with Yonah! And the rain should be nice for the night. - Right now... I want to see about peanut butter in the trap. We had nothing last night... we MUST make sure we keep it at that! - 20.45 Yonah's waters and kitchen roll are cleaned and he's tucked-in for the night. It's HOT and humid in this house and HOW I wish I had some sort of QUIET fan I could put in that room for him, but I suspect he'd tolerate the heat better than the fan anyway. - I've “schmeared” peanut butter, oil mostly, on the inside of the top of the jug-trap, and put a tiny dollop on an old PopTart in the little “cage”. The jug is by the fridge now, the “cage” is in Yonah's room and that shit-trap, with “oil schmear” is in the kitchen by the door to Yonah's room... let's see how this works out. - The futon is set for tonight... I'm planning on being in with Yonah again... HOPEFULLY the jug in the kitchen will trap the mice before they get to his room and we can SLEEP AGAIN, tonight! - Looking-up more on the “frothy sputum” and pains and it's coming to “cardiac”. The symptoms appear on an “all MDs'” forum of sorts in one post and there's another from a 22y/o who suspected he had CA-Lung but according to the MD reply... well... I'm NOT having SO many of the “classic” symptoms of CA-Lung... so, this might be CHF or some complications that I've caused with all the vit.C! We'll find out... come September. - Meanwhile, I'm NOT really feeling all “up to snuff” tonight and this heat and humidity aren't helping. (I keep reading about “Oxygen therapies”... I will NOT be running about with a nasal canula! Vying for sympathies and such. But... as I say... I need to wait... let's see what September tells us. (* I JUST WANT TIME WITH YONAH! I'D PREFER OUT-LIVING HIM, TO BE HONEST... I DO NOT WANT HIM ABANDONED! *) - Moving along... time to jot on Yonah's Journal, get my “nosh” and QI in, shower and get to bed BEFORE MID-FRIGGIN-NIGHT! - TOMORROW... SUNDAY! NO PEE-OH BEE-ESS! - 23.12 No shower tonight... I'm exhauste! AND... saw a fucking mouse ON the W/D platform! But... none in the traps... yet... probably waiting... the shits.
Sun.08.Aug: (*** NAPROXEN DOWN TO ONE DAILY... SEE IF IT HELPS MY STOMACH. NIGHT ONLY... I MIGHT CHANGE TO MORNING ONLY TOMORROW... BETTER TO “MOVE” WITH IT INSTEAD OF SLEEPING WITH IT. *** )
(Catch-up from notes... 11.Aug:12.30) I woke, this morning, in Yonah's room, at 4.30 ,for a “loo run” to find a mouse in the “jug trap”! But I was SO TIRED that I HAD to just leave the mouse and try to get back to sleep, pretty much figuring I'd regret not attending to the little critter immediately. BUT... I woke again at around 7.00 and it was STILL IN THERE! So... I got to the “morning routine” and... when done, toddled out back, with the jug-trap and little “resident”. S/he was released, in good order, in the wooded area between here and Dan's. POOR BABY! He was so hesitant to leave, and when he was finally out in the free and open again, he was almost lethargic! BUT... rather slowly, he took off, into the leaves. And I was relieved to have been able to let him go... hopefully he won't come back to the house but... the important fact is, he left alive! No “murder” here. - Since I was up and about and dressed and out and it was still “coolish” in the morning and I needed the water, I decided to head to the river with the new jug and so... toddled down to the river... like an old wash-woman. ICK! The water at the falls was WARM! I mean, uncomfortably warm! Perfect for leeches and the likes. AND MOSQUITOES! FIRST THING IN THE MORNING! Good that I had NO intention of swimming, bathing or other-wise because THIS was NOT a day for being in the river! Better to sit and sweat! Anyway, I managed to find a comfy spot on the falls and gave the new jug a steady rush of the falls... 5 times... before filling and headed back to the house... up the hill, in the “damp” morning air. Hey! At least I got that little “chore” completed! And Yonah's trees and the orange tree will have good, fresh, natural water! - On to the next “events”... I ordered a “Ninja Food Grinder” from Target today. 20$. MUCH LESS than other offers! (I wonder why... but...) I have to wonder if it's available at the store! But, the truth is, even paying the 6$ shipping, I consider the time, the travel, the gas, the wear on the truck, the aggravation of parking and the “covidiots”... it was STILL a bargain! And it ought to be here in several days... I'm in no particular rush at the moment so.... - As noted in the “opening” of today's notes, I've decided to try something new: CUTTING THE NAPROXEN DOWN TO ONLY ONE PER DAY! I'M WONDERING IF TAKING IT BID ISN'T CAUSING “GERD”. I have some “classic” symptoms of it, and I see that aspirin will cause it... and yes, from the pain in the chest to the arms and such, the symptoms are VERY similar. Hey! “GERD” is easier to handle and treatable. So we shall see... One at night from now on. If shit gets worse, I'll just re-re-re-adjust. (I can't WAIT to experience the abuse I'll, no doubt, suffer, on the 1st Sept.!) - In spite of the heat and humidity... I washed my scrubs and some under-things... the scrubs because of sweating at night. So they're on the rack... and the day rolls... - 16.43 JUST winding this day DOWN... JUST... It's been FACTUALLY NON-STOP ALL BLOODY DAY!!! - I PULLED THE FRIDGE to find NO holes in the floor but MOUSE SHIT behind it! So... the floor got SCRUBBED... and when I'd managed to do the fridge in mere moments... THE STOVE GOT PULLED and behind THAT... MORE MOUSE SHIT! AND THE OIL CLOTH CURLING AWAY FROM THE DAMNED WALL SO... THAT got scrubbed, the cabinet got “taped” to seal, the oil cloth got stapled to the floor and “trimmed” with more duct tape (white). The stove top got cleaned, the foil on the “board” got a fresh application (over what was there) AND THEN... I decided to take one of the styro-packing panels and CUT THAT DOWN to SQUEEZE between the PO wall and THAT end of the cup-board... after tossing a bag of moth balls back there. It's SEALED now! THEN... I TAPE-SEALED THE ENTIRE FRONT-BOTTOM OF THE CUP-BOARD!!! Next, of course, washing the kitchen floor and Hoovering! It was almost 15.00 when I got all of that done and THEN I decided I want a fresh bucket for Yonah's “pool water” (which needed changing... because of poop and the heat of this day) so I was off to Aubuchon's for a 5gal bucket. A quick stop at market (Perry's on sale... WOOHOO!).
AND I WALK INTO THE FUCKING HOUSE AT ABOUT 16.30... PUT THE FEW GROCERIES UP, READY TO CHANGE YONAH'S WATER AND... A BLOODY FUCKING MOUSE RUNS FROM THE KITCHEN INTO YONAH'S ROOM!!! AT THIS HOUR OF THE DAY AND AFTER ALL THE WORK I'VE DONE ALL BLOODY FUCKING DAY!!! NOW... I'M A *** WAR ***!!! Although, now, it may have to do with me disturbing some “hiding place” and the sealing of so much. So, hopefully, I'll get this one and that will be “it”... for a while. (I'm not counting on it but...)
And now, veggies are on the hob, chicken is warming... “meal” is being prepared... and I'm feeling like right SHIT... it's been a particularly HEAVY day all day, but, I can't help but wonder... “GERD”? Oh... I need to stop all this wondering... The “fact” will (might?) be told... on the 1st. - I'm exhausted... but I need to water Yonah's trees yet, and there's another water change before I get to shower later. Though, oddly enough, the sweating and working does relieve SOME of the pain and discomfort. - And it rained briefly, this after-noon... only to SLAM the HUMIDITY in and now... there's some thunder rolling... and the HUMIDITY is MURDER! - And Yonah is calling... He was on my shoulder today, again... and he's “Cuddly-time” today too. Poor baby! THIS was SUPPOSED to be OUR day together! And now... it's fucked! - 20.39 Sitting here in a sweat, Yonah's waters have been changed (thrice today) and he's tucked-in... - More modifications to the “jug trap” lid and the addition of peanut butter on a “cookie” in it. Let's see what THIS does. I have a truly “false” sense of “accomplishment” with all the cleaning and blocking and taping and such tonight. - Pondering, after a shower, of another night with Yonah... I'm getting used to this. My bed hasn't been slept in since the fresh linens were put on... what? 4 nights ago? I don't mind... The little LOVE! - NO naproxen this morning. Took one with “night pills”. Might change to “Morning Only”... I want to see if it helps with my stomach and the “frothy sputum”. Oh well... But I have that “pain” in the right shoulder now, and the “dizziness”. But as I say... IT'S HOT AND HUMID TONIGHT! No telling. - I need to get to Yonah's Journal before bed too. There isn't much to say about today because I pissed-it away on the kitchen and the bloody MICE! But... - Brits, yoghurt and bed! SOON! -
Mon.09.Aug:
15.48 I HAVE TO NOTE... ALVIN IS IN THE LITTLE SHED IN THE YARD, ***CLEANING IT OUT*** FOR "HRM VT"!!! OH... "L.O.L.!!!" FUCK! SHE SAT THERE, THIS MORNING, ON HER FUCKING "THRONE", WITH HER HAND-MAIDEN (daughter) BESIDE AND ANNOUNCED THAT SHE WANTED THE HOSES IN THE SHED GONE *AND* THAT SHE WANTS TO MOVE THE COMPOST CLOSER TO THE HOUSE! AH... COMPOST? I SNAPPED, WITH FINGER POINTED "YOU CAN WAIT UNTIL I'M GONE! I'VE GOT MORE THAN ENOUGH WORK TRYING TO CONTROL THE MICE AS IT IS!" SAYS THE OLD THING "OH, IT'S JUST SO FAR AWAY, ESPECIALLY FOR AN OLD LADY." YEAH? WELL... THE POINT OF ALL IF IT IS... BETWEEN THAT BULL-SHIT AND THE FACT THAT HER SPORE HAD THE FUCKING AUDACITY TO GET UP AND MOVE TO THE DRIVE TO HAVE A SMOKE WHILST ALVIN WAS HERE BUT WHEN HE LEFT, SHE SAT RIGHT OUT-SIDE MY WINDOW AND, IN SPITE OF MY FRESHLY-WASHED LAUNDRY ON THE LINE, LIT-UP AGAIN... AND FILLED THIS FUCKING HOUSE WITH THE STENCH... MY "MANNERS" ARE FUCKED!!! GONE!!! FINISHED!!! AND BEING "NICE" IS DONE! FUCK IT! FUCK HER! FUCK THIS SHIT! JUST FUCK!!! ALL DONE! ALL GONE! AND THE "WAR" HAS COMMENCED!!! NO CONSIDERATION. AND THIS "ENTITLEMENT" BULL-SHIT IS... WELL, IT WAS TO BE EXPECTED BUT... IT'S NOT TO BE TOLERATED. SOO I'LL BE LIVING AS I SEE FIT... INCLUDING CONSIDERATION OF MOVING THE FEEDER TO A BETTER POSITION... FOR *MY* PREFERENCE! PROBABLY CLOSER TO THE KITCHEN WINDOW OR THE LIKES... OH... AND AS FOR THE "MOWING"? THE LITTLE AREA AT THE TOP OF THE STAIRS "OVER THERE"... Ms. HEATH HAS A "WACKER"... SO SHE'LL BE A-WACKIN' AWAY AT THAT. IN THE WORDS OF THAT CHARMING LITTLE DITTIE: TIME TO SAY "GOOD BYE"... YOUR "HAPPY DAYS" HAE BEEN RIPPED FROM YOUR CALENDAR. MEANWHILE... SHE'S GOT "THE MAYOR" WORKING FOR HER NOW... DAMNED, SPINLESS EUNUCH, THAT ONE.
20.47 THE IDIOT'S GOT A FULL-SIZE AIR CONDITIONER IN THE BLOODY BATH-ROOM WINDOW!!! THE WINDOW THAT'S ACTUALLY *IN* THE FUCKING BATH TUB! I RANG ALDEN AND SAID "YOU KNOW JOAN'S APARTMENT BETTER THAN ANY, AND THE ELECTRICS IN THEHOUSE. A QUESTION: AIR CONDITIONER IN THE BATH-ROOM WINDOW... OVER THE TUB?" HE WAS NOT THRILLED! BUT HE DOES CLAIM THAT, AT WORST, THE BREAKER WILL THROW IF ANYTHING HAPPENS. MY PERSONAL AGGRAVATION? I ALSO MENTIONED THE SMOKE COMING IN FROM THE PORCH, AND THE SHED BEING CLEANED BY ALVIN... "I'LL ONLY ASK THAT YOU DO YOUR BEST TO KEEP THINGS COPACETIC." HE TRULY IS A SHIT! OH WELL... GOOD TO KNOW... I FEEL NO OBLIGATION TO BE "CIVIL" ANY LONGER TO HIM, THE OTHERS... AND SHOULD I FIND ANOTHER PLACE... NO OBLIGATION TO GIVE NOTICE... FUKKIT! ANYWAY, HE "ASSURES" THE PLACE WON'T BURN... ***THAT*** IS MY ONLY CONCERN! IF THAT OLD THING SHORTS-OUT HER ENTIRE HOUSE OR ELECTROCUTES HERSELF... I'VE NEITHER SHITS NOR FUCKS TO GIVE. CAUSE ***ANY*** HARM OR UPSET TO YONAH? WE'RE AT ALL-OUT WAR!
Well, that said... 20.59... time to wrap... I'm falling behind with journalling again with these notes but... fine. Yonah's is to-date. And we have another MISERABLE HOT day coming tomorrow so... A day with Yonah... at the work table!
Tue.10.Aug: 8.38 I woke at about 7.30 this morning... after a night of actually seeing a mouse escape from the trap. Only the one, through the night, as far as I know. I heard, I saw, I went back to sleep. And this morning, thankfully, no mouse shit in Yonah's house, but his pool and pump are in the kitchen basin, vinegar and baking soda flushing through. The stones are in a 500F oven. We're cleaning today! (Thankfully, the HEAT hasn't hit yet and there's a bit of a breeze, but the house REEKS from the oven!) And me? Well, I'm just in one of “those off moods”... And to think, last night I thought of how almost perfect the day was, yesterday. No coughing, dizziness, pressure, pain. Alas... “the morning after”. Shit! I used to have those following a night of “bingeing” (spell-check obviously doesn't like that word but... I'm in a “FUKKIT!” state of mind, this morning). Now, it's the “morning after” a day of delight. “Life”... Right now, it's “get the internet shit done” and move on. - Oh... I cancelled the “Target” order last night, after ANOTHER “Please be patient... it's on backorder” bull-shit! Now to wait for the release of my money and having to shop for the grinder, at a higher price. It too, will be on-line, unless I NEED to go to Plattsburgh. But I'm trying to avoid that at all costs... like 4$/gallon of gasoline, the HOURS away from Yonah and the wear on the truck. Oh well. (My neck is stiff now too... aggravation.) - And so... here we are and I need to get moving along. I also have to seal the kitchen cup-board under the basins. I've a fresh roll of duct tape for that. And, I fear, a “tearing-apart” of Yonah's room is to follow... and today, as I recall... 30°! We shall see what we a accomplish, when we've accomplished what-ever it is we accomplish... when it's “seepie-nigh-night” time tonight. - 20.12 WHAT A NON-STOP DAY THIS TURNED-OUT TO BE! RIGHT AFTER THIS MORNING'S ENTRY, I GOT TO CLEANING YONAH'S POOL, BECAUSE, LAST EVENING, I NOTICED “ALGAE”... JUST A “TRACE” BUT *ANY* IS TOO FUCKING MUCH! WELL... THE POOL GOT PULLED OUT AND I NOTICED ALGAE IN THE TUBING, SO... INTO THE KITCHEN, OUT CAME THE VINEGAR AND THE PUMP GOT FLUSHED. BUT THE ALGAE WOULDN'T DISLODGE AND WOULDN'T GO AWAY SO... INTO THE TRUCK, OFF TO AUBUCHON'S WHERE I BOUGHT THE LAST 9FT OF THEIR TUBING. QUICK STOP AT MARKET FOR MORE VINEGAR (and a WONDERFUL chat with Deborah) AND BACK TO THE HOUSE WHERE THE STONES GOT AN HOUR PLUS OF 500°F WHILST I FLUSHED THE NEW TUBING AND THE PUMP AGAIN!!! WITH VINEGAR, WATER AND A CLEAR FLUSH! BY THE TIME I FINISHED... IT WAS 12.30!!! ***** BUT THE GREATEST POINT IN THE DAY WAS WHEN I'D PUT THE POOL BACK, GIVEN IT THE GRAND “10-CONTAINER FLUSH” AND STEPPED OUT TO THE KITCHEN FOR A MOMENT... AND ON MY RETURN... ***** YONAH WAS IN THE POOL, LOUNGING, SOAKING AND SPLASHING!!! ***** IMMEDIATELY!!! ***** IT WAS BEAUTIFUL TO SEE! ***** Sadly, only photos today, but still... it was GLORIOUS! THE TEMPERATURE WAS UP IN THE 30s TODAY AND THE HUMIDITY-CLAIM WAS 71% BUT IT FELT MORE LIKE 171% WITH TEMPERATURE OF 40! SO THE POOR LITTLE GUY WAS PROBABLY LOOKING FOR A “COOL-DOWN”! WELL... TIMING AND MY “INSTINCT”... - When that was done, I got to putting MORE duct tape under the cabinetry under the kitchen basins! THREE more strips! That damned thing ought to be well-sealed by now but we shall see. (I have a feeling the mice are IN that little alcove in Yonah's room and tomorrow, I'll hit THAT... AGAIN! - The taping took until 15.30! which is when I set an alarm for 16.00 and had a lie-down on Yonah's futon. When I got up from that... “meal” time... 4 franks and some rather “caramelised” veggies... and it tasted quite nice. Ice cream after and... social media for a while. - As for the “town trip” this morning... At Aubuchon's, the WONDERFUL Manageresse ASKED AFTER YONAH! And that “Justin” Mowerscheister was at the other side. He was interested in Yonah and I gave the manageresse the web-site and told her about the photos and videos. (I wonder if I'll hear anything about it... after all, “Tante” Nancy, who, by the way, drove by this morning when I was on the front porch having a smoke and didn't bother to “toot” nor to stop but DID turn to look... fukkit, commented “Wonderful! I'll have to give it more time to look later.” when I'd sent HER the link... and I know... KNOW she didn't fucking bother.) Anyway, Yonah's “word” is getting out and about and it's comforting to hear that people DO care! - Next... the stop at the market and as I pulled in, so too, Deborah. Oddly, I thought of her again, this morning because I have her jars. So I said “Believe it or not, you were my first thought this morning.” and she and I got into “instincts” of people and critters and “sensitivities” and the likes. She's a firm believer in it... as much as I am. And we discussed Yonah, and then got into the mice situation. She too, is having so much trouble with mice and chipmunks that she's actually taken to the old-fashioned “snap traps”! And she's NOT one to kill little ones! As she says: it's an immediate death, causes them no pain and at this rate, well, it's a matter of them or us. So, I've re-re-re-re-adjusted the jug trap again, for tonight. If it doesn't work... snap-traps it is. I'm truly sorry but... in this house, it's “Yonah or them”! No contest. Anyway, we both went into the store and both left the store at the same time and when I passed her at the cashe I said “See you at the post office.” and left... WELL! AS I WAS COMING TO THE FRONT DOOR (which I'm using again to dodge “that one next-door”... more inconvenience to me!) sure enough, she pulled-up to get her mail! TOO funny! - So that was that with that part of the day. - IN OTHER NEWS: AS I WAS WORKING AT THE KITCHEN BASIN ON YONAH'S POOL, IT WAS WELL AFTER 11.00 AND SOME SHIT-SACK CAME TO THE FRONT DOOR AND BLOODY-FUCKING TRIED TO JUST OPEN IT!!! WHEN THE OLD WANK-SOCK SAW ME HE SAID “I'm looking for directions and thought the post office (and pointed over to it!) would be open. How do I get to Split Rock Falls for hiking?” I SNAPPED “4 MILES DOWN THE ROAD.” AND DIDN'T BOTHER TO REALLY LOOK UP BUT I WAS READY TO SHOVE THE OLD SHIT'S FACE INTO HIS ARSE HOLE FOR PULLING THE DAMNED DOOR! HE REPEATED “4 MILES DOWN THE ROAD?” I SAID “YEAH.” AND HE MUMBLED SOMETHING ABOUT “DISTURBING” IN A FUCKED-UP TONE. HAD I NOT BEEN IN THE MIDST OF YONAH'S POOL, I'D'VE HEADED RIGHT OUT THE DOOR AT HIM! I NEED YET ANOTHER SIGN... AND THE NEXT ONE'S NOT GOING TO BE POLITE! FUCK THESE RETARDS! - And so, the day comes to and end and I'm sitting at table, sweating... having taken evening pills. It was a “good” day of no pains and no “trips” (light-headedness) until... until... now... for some reason.
OH... AND THE GOVERNOR HAS RESIGNED... WILL LEAVE IN 14 DAYS... AND BE REPLACED BY “THE FIRST FEMALE GOVERNOR”... ALSO A FUCKING DEM! Twitter's got a #CuomoResigns but it's being squelched like BLATANTLY!
AND NOW, AT 20.37 THE FUCKING “VT” NEXT-DOOR IS JUST STARTING TO MOVE SHIT ABOUT AND MAKE “THUMPS”!!! YEAH... THIS IS NOT GOING TO GO ALONG WELL AT ALL! I'm tired of this shit, tired of VTers, tired of being abused, tired of being lied to and disrespected and generally tired of it all... and I'm honestly on the verge of losing a temper because now I'm feeling the banging on the floor! It's about to be an “interesting” evening in New Russia! Bad enough I had the back door closed all fucking day because of that shit!
Time for a bit of Brit and a shower and to bed... Yonah's house again tonight! Mouse-watch! Tonight though, if I hear one... I'm up and at it... and I don't know how much (if any) compassion will accompany tonight. - My whole body is “floating” away now... heat, humidity, fatigue and the annoyance of that entitled QUNT!
Wed.11.Aug: 12.10 And another HOT, HUMID, HORRID day! Following a night of ONE “mouse in da house” which was promptly removed, at 2.00 this morning, form the jug to the little “cage” for the remainder of the time. Thankfully, there were none after that. The little fellow didn't want to come out of the jug, so it took some doing. But when, at last, he was in the cage, with cookies, I put it in the kitchen basin, with the “door-side” down, and a small rock on top. It was placed on a styro-tray as well. And this morning, there he was, all calm and such. So I got to the “morning routine”... when I woke... AT 8.00!!! JEEZUS! Coffee, Yonah's waters, breakfast in the “back”... then... got dressed, brought the little cage over to the “well road” and, with a bit of “coaxing”, let the little one go free into the woods. Poor sweet-heart... he was so slow... like the previous one. I shouldn't doubt “dehydration” not to mention the stress of being in there, confined. Anyway... he's out and free... - When I got back into the house... I HEADED RIGHT TO THE LOO TO SEAL THE SHOWER-STALL!!! MORE DUCT TAPE! THIS HOUSE IS NOW BEING HELD TOGETHER BY THE SHIT! Thankfully, it now comes in “white” because, well... I did a rather neat job of “trimming”. What sickens me is last night's “discovery”: between the wall of the stall and the loo, inaccessible... a fucking PINK DISPOSABLE RAZOR!!! I MEAN, HOW FUCKING LONG HAS SHIT BEEN LAYING IN THIS PLACE? And the “Aldenisms”... “I've lived in your apartment.” and “I wouldn't rent a place I wouldn't live in.” Well then, Mr. Harris... you're a slob! Okie-dokie then. BUT... the little “gaps” are filled with mothballs, and a bit of “steel wool scouring pads” and taped closed. Now... let's see what comes along tonight! (Hopefully THIS will have taken care of the situation... for the time being.) If I were planning on any “longevity” in this shit-box, I'd invest more in better... I was considering “caulking” nicely, but I'll really be damned before I'll put any more actual effort, time and money into this place. SOME-WHERE, “OUT THERE”, there's a cute little “'cabin” or “cottage”... like the one in Roosa Gap... One of these days... one of these days. - AND... TODAY'S POST... AS I EXPECTED... THE NOTICE THAT FS ARE ABOUT TO BE CLOSED BECAUSE OF THE INTERVIEW! I MEAN... I TRIED, AT LEAST TWICE, TO RE-SCHEDULE, LEAVING MESSAGES! AND TODAY, AGAIN... TWO MORE MESSAGES BECAUSE THE FIRST NUMBER I CALLED WAS “VOICE MAIL”... THE SECOND WAS A “RECEPTIONIST” WHO TRANSFERRED ME TO “BRENDA” WHO IS ALSO OVER-LOADED AND HAD “VOICE MAIL”!!! I'M ABOUT TO JUST GET INTO THE TRUCK AND ROLL INTO TOWN... IF I DON'T GET THE CALL TODAY, I HAVE TO GET TO THE SKIP TOMORROW ANYWAY... I'LL STOP “AT THE OFFICE” EN ROUTE. I WANT TO STOP AT THE MARKET AND FAMDOLL ANYWAY, TOMORROW! FUCK! - And so, the sun is shining, there's only the slightest breeze, but the box fan is in Yonah's room, where I am now. The humidity is HORRIFIC AGAIN! - Health? Having a “painful in the left shoulder” day and slightly “flightly”. I'm attributing the bulk of it to being awakened at 1.50 this morning... after getting to “futon” at almost mid-night and laying there, sweating horribly, after a quick shower. I doubt I'd drifted to sleep before 1.00 and then the “tick tick tick”... oh well... These are the times that try... and TRYING they are! - Now... mid-days have been taken with the end of morning coffee and I'm with Yonah... and we're listening to the iPod and... that's the day today. - 13.11 Well... THIS Journal is on the servers... and the sun is POURING in through Yonah's windows... the “season” is obvious... as the sun travels farther South, the longer and more it shines in through these windows... Sadly, it means “cold” is coming. (And I NEED to get money together for OIL!) - 15.40 YONAH'S PHOTOS ARE CODED! Only need to up-load to servers!!! (BUT I DON'T DARE! I DON'T DARE INTERFERE WITH THE INTERNET SERVICE IN THIS SHIT-BOX! AS IT IS, I TRIED RINGING THE 40517 FROM MY 718 NUMBER AND IT WENT RIGHT THROUGH.... RING-A-DING-DING! BUT... I CAN'T FIGURE SKYPE'S LITTLE “PHONE” PICTURES AND WHAT-THE-FUCK CALLS WENT OUT AND WHAT-THE-FUCK CALLS CAME IN! AND IF I'M READING THE CORRECTLY, AS I WAS CALLING THE 2ND FS NUMBER THIS MORNING, THE FIRST ONE TRIED CALLING IN! I'M SO FUCKING TIRED OF THIS BULL-SHIT! REALLY! TOMORROW, IF I DON'T HEAR FROM ANY OF THEM IN TOWN, I'LL BE ON THE ROAD BY ABOUT 14.00... TO THE SKIP... AND, AS I OFTEN TELL PEOPLE “I'LL FIND OUT WHERE YOU ARE AND SHOW UP AT YOUR DESK... AND BELIEVE ME, YOU DO NOT WANT THAT!” SO...) - It's nice, having journals and Yonah's web-site up to the moment. (I still have to get April and May on his Journal done!) And it's been a “good” day, with him. The box fan on the floor has given us a nice “breeze”, the sun's been brilliant. AND... at one point, where I got a little distracted from the coding, I wanted to find the name of the manageresse at Aubuchon's, so I went flipping through receipts. (The latest has “Lisa P”... I'll have to check when next I'm in.) AS I was putting receipts in their respective envelopes... Mr. TAUBE came FLYING over from his house and perched RIGHT BEHIND ME... on the back of the chair! When I turned round to stroke, cuddle, and suches... he was having NONE of THAT and took off to the top of his house... as if to watch me from a better vantage point! I tell!!! He just NEVER ceases to bring JOY to my heart and soul! And I can't but think of how much time we've had so far... and wonder how much more we'll have... And something in-side me gets to thinking: IF there's ANY truth to all this “Life after” bull-shit... it would be nice... BRILLIANT, in fact, to get together with Nakiia, Sameach, Noel... ALL the Little Ones in my life-time, AND YONAH... in a fashion and manner where we could all chat about our time together! THAT would be “Heaven”... But I “s'amuse”... that's all... Eventually, I believe that we all become the very thing we call “road kill”... because we're on the “journey” of life, rolling along the “roads and paths” of life... and sooner or later, eventually, something's going to come along and... SPLAT! And more will come by after that, until, exactly as “road kill”... we won't even be a “stain” on the pavement of Creation. Oh well... So, for the while we have... YONAH AND I ARE TOGETHER AND WE'LL ENJOY ALL WE CAN! - Now... it's 15.54... time to start thinking about what I'll THROW together and call “nourishment”. I'm not really hungry at all but... we must, we must, we must, and so, we shall. - 20.23 Well OK! Yonah's waters are fresh, I've taken my pills, important files have been backed-up to peripherals, even the “virus protection” on this shit-top has been up-dated and a “quick scan” has been done! The house is settled. It's still HOTTER AND WETTER THAN THE AMAZON RAIN FOREST. But... for now, at least, all is calm. - Arsewipe next door had a bit of company... or it was a lost couple who accidentally came through the drive... past the old thing's back door. AND that thing STILL hasn't learnt how to close a fucking screen door properly (or is thwacking intentionally)! - AND FS? Well... another fuck-up so they'll have to put up with my appearance tomorrow... I want to get to the skip... to FamDoll for kitchen items... I can easily stop by the offices... and we'll see how that works for them. (Fukkups!) - So now... a bit of a nosh, a bit of QI, a bit of a shower and hopefully, a night with-out RODENTS! (I'm SO curious as to whether or not all the extra tape will be THE solution! I don't want any more mice! I CAN'T “snap-trap” them! But I'm TIRED... tired of being awakened. Tired of Yonah being invaded. Tired of having to worry about mites and parasites and the likes. Just TIRED! Lettuce prey... and indeed, I do!)
8.30 NO MICE LAST NIGHT! NONE BUZZING ACROSS THE W/D PLATFORM! NONE WAKING YONAH AND I UP AT 2.00! NONE! IT'S BEEN THE SHOWER... ALL ALONG... as I see it. Of course, I'm SURE the kitchen basin cabinet played into it all, as well, AND the holes in the floors and such, but the SHOWER CLOSED the issue! (Now, let's hope I can CLOSE the other issue of FS today? Yeah... right... as if.) - And, after a night of sleep... SLEEP, I heard the little alarms at 6 and 6.30 but slept until about 7.00 when Yonah called! That said, I woke out of a dream
Large, dark room, basement-like, painted white but dingy. I had laundry that HAD to be done and there was quite a lot of it too. I was “some-what, something like, sort of, yes-and-no homeless” though I had a “place” in the building. My washing truly NEEDED to be washed. There weren't many washing machines, and all of them resembled basins, more than machines. I found one that had a few items in it, very few, and when I lifted the lid (on this basin), the water was clear, still-standing, so I removed the 4 or 5 items and put them on a table, and put my items in. As I went about by business of looking about for a better machine, as it were, there were other people, very few, about, going about their washing businesses. Nobody acknowledged the presence of anybody else. I noticed that “my machine” was quite silent, so I looked in to see that there was a low “hum” of some kind of “motor”, a few bubbles, rising here and there, but the washing just floated about in the other-wise still water! The clothes weren't being “washed”... they were soaking! I started taking my clothes out, thinking I'd find another machine that was working, and as I pulled them out, I noticed that there were OTHER items in there, that didn't belong to me, that I hadn't put in there! AND... I pulled a “bundle”, neatly folded and tied, of various clothes... bundled so tightly that the items in the centre were still DRY! I was worried that the owner would come along and there'd be a fight so I quickened the removal of my items, sloshing them onto a near-by table, hoping I'd be able to find a way to wash and dry them, some-where, some-how in that “laundry room”! Now, they were dirty AND soaking wet! And the others in the room were glaring at me, angrily, but nobody spoke. As I went to a window to look out onto a large parking area, trying to figure out what to do from there, a few young fellows were coming by, moving a HUGE canvass.... it took 8 of these guys to move the stretched canvass, that's how large it was, and a young, nicely-dressed, Black gal came along an looked-up, smiling. She called-up “Send your things down! My guys will take care of it for you. But hurry. They're in a bit of a rush.” I had no idea who this woman was, how she knew about my situation, who “her guys” were or why they'd even care about my washing... let alone, how they'd “take care of it” or where... I was grateful, yet confused... and I woke...
OK... I was awake. Yonah was awake... I had things to do and so... “morning routine” followed or accompanied by cooking the 6 remaining brown eggs, putting pillow cases, scrubs (wet from sweat) in to soak.. and the towel, which truly was in need of washing... breakfast out on the back feeder, got dressed, had a half-smoke on the porch in the already BRUTAL HEAT AND HUMIDITY, back in, wash and rinse the lavage, eggs out of the pot... a quick “loo” and... I'm feeling “constricted” this morning... “heavy in the chest”, “light in the head”. HEAT. HUMIDITY! It's going to be Hellish today. And I want to get to the skip, to FS!!!!!, to FamDoll... and, probably, during the hottest, the worst part of the day. - All the while... I do NOT WANT TO BE CONFRONTED WITH/BY THAT SHIT NEXT DOOR, WHO, BY THE WAY, HAS THE FUCKING A/C RUNNING... IN THE TUB OVER THERE! - Oh well... - MEANWHILE... YONAH IS BUSY, BUSY, BUSY, UPON THE TOP WALL SHELF! HE'S BEEN “BUSY, BUSY, BUSY” ALL THE WHILE I'VE BEEN TYPING! Well... we have MOST of this day together so... I need to get on with it. - NOT looking forward to anything much today... the heat, humidity, the aggravation, the annoyances... and my “health” doesn't make ANY of this ANY better. - Oh... last night's “Full Scan” and this morning's “Off-Line Scan” are done... All's what-ever it is when these things happen. -
14.09 FS CERT DONE!!!!! BRENDA SAID “YOU'VE BEEN ACTIVELY TRYING TO CONTACT US SO I WOULDN'T TAKE ANY NEGATIVE ACTION AGAINST YOU WITHOUT CONTINUING TO TRY!
15.53 JUST RETURNING FROM THE SKIP, AUBUCHON AND FAMDOLL! REC'D MESSAGE ABOUT ART-WORK!
20.49 I don't know where WHERE to start! (But I have to get Yonah's Journal entry and return...) - 21.23 And so... I've done and put today's entry on the site and now... for the still, as yet, UNBELIEVABLE DAY THIS HAS TURNED-OUT TO BE... INCLUDING A WONDERFUL CHAT WITH EV! -
(21.36 I'm tired... need to take a bit of a break... had pills at 20.45 because had to clean Yonah's pool and tubing. And am trying to figure how to “embed” today's e-mails about the ART WORK! And it's miserably hot and humid and I MUST SHOWER before sleep... and not sure where that will be tonight... probably with Yonah... SWEET HEART!)
(On Thursday 13.20 Trying to re-capture the sentiments... as they were...)
IT WAS A SHOCK... I MEAN, IT WAS A “SHOCK”, TO THE SYSTEM, THE BRAIN, THE MIND, JUST OVER-ALL SHOCK! I “routinely” checked e-mails this after-noon, as I do, from time-to-time, expecting, well, nothing really, nothing much, anyway, and in the GMX a “forwarded” e-mail from “WordpressArt”, originally sent to the Gml: “Please contact me... I have some of your paintings WHAT? A JOKE? CRANK? TRUE? WHAT? AND THE NAME “BROCK”! WHY?!?!?!? WHY DOES IT RING WITH SOME FAMILIARITY? WHO IN HELL'S NAME AND AFTER ALL THESE YEARS? AND IT HAD BEEN SENT MERE MOMENTS BEFORE I CHECKED-IN! ODDLY, I HAVE TO NOTE THAT THE FIRST “GRASP FOR SANITY” IN MY MIND WENT TO A “PSEUDONYM”... *LC*! I WOULDN'T PUT IT PAST HER TO PULL SOME SHIT LIKE THIS, JUST TO GET A RESPONSE. BUT... I TOOK THE BAIT AND SENT A REPLY... WITH-IN 45 MINUTES OR SO... A REPLY TO MY REPLY! YES, THIS “MINDY” NOT ONLY CONFIRMED THAT SHE'S LEGIT BUT SHE SECURED CREDIBILITY BY MENTIONING THE STORAGE!!! I MEAN... WHAT IN THE ACTUAL...? WHO IS SHE? HOW DID SHE GET THE PAINTINGS? WHY WOULD SHE HAVE THE PAINTINGS? WHY WOULD SHE WANT TO GIVE THEM TO ME? I ALMOST BROKE INTO TEARS! AND YES, AT THAT POINT, I WAS TREMBLING! AND THEN I WANTED TO GET TO THE BOTTOM OF IT ALL AND E-MAIL JUST ISN'T, NEVER WAS, THE BEST COMMUNICATION! SO I SENT HER MY NUMBER, AND YONAH'S, HOPING WE COULD ACTUALLY *TALK*, TO CONFIRM, WITH-OUT DOUBT, THE REALITY OF IT ALL! WELL... THE REPLY: I'LL TELL YOU HOW I CAME TO HAVE SOME OF YOUR THINGS... TOMORROW AFTERNOON. OK. THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT NOW. BUT I DID THE USUAL... HIT THE INTERNET AND SEARCH! IF THIS IS THE ONE I FOUND, SHE'S IN PINE BUSH, 61. NO PHOTOS, SO I CAN'T PLACE HER. BUT YES, INDEED... THE NAME IS ASSOCIATE WITH A PERSON, AND THAT SHE SHOULD HAVE KNOWLEDGE OF THE STORAGE AND SUCH AND IS IN PINE BUSH... WELL... IT MAKES SENSE, I SUPPOSE, IF ANY OF THIS MAKES ANY SENSE AT ALL! SO... ALL THESE YEARS... AND I WONDER WHY, “AFTER ALL THESE YEARS”!?!?!?!? IT'S TAKEN ALL THESE YEARS TO COME TO TERMS WITH THE NOTION THAT ALL OF THAT STORAGE WENT INTO A DUMPSTER... GOT TAKEN AND SOLD-OFF (BY SISTER AND CO.), THAT IT'S “GONE”. IT'S TAKEN ALL THESE YEARS TO “LET IT ALL GO”!!! SO NOW I'M IN A STATE OF “YES, I'D LIKE TO HAVE WHAT-EVER BACK, ESPECIALLY THE FIRST PAINTING OF “SPLIT ROCK” AND “NO! I DO NOT WANT THAT BACK IN MY LIFE NOW... NOW, WHEN I'M LOOKING DEATH IN THE FACE, PUNCHING IT AWAY FROM THE DOOR” AND WONDERING “AM I GOING TO HAVE TO FORFEIT SOMETHING IN EXCHANGE? *YONAH*?” IF I HAVE TO LOSE YONAH AND RETRIEVE THIS SHIT, Ms. MINDY WILL BE LEFT WITH IT ALL... AND A DUMPSTER. ***** ***** ***** NOTHING ***** ***** ***** EXCEPT MY LIFE WITH YONAH, TIME WITH YONAH, IS WORTH ANY EXCHANGE! WELL, IT'S GOING TO BE A LONG NIGHT TONIGHT... AND FULL OF WONDER. I'VE ALMOST BEEN ON THE VERGE OF VOMITING! “SHOCK”... *SHOCK*!
Funny, but I wanted to tell somebody about this but, as I thought about it all, and anybody I know who might have any appreciation for it... there's nobody. I stepped out to the front porch for a smoke, looked up and down the main and the “solitude” struck. Ah, but, where, at other points in my life-time, it would have caused me some “bother”... I'm at the point where even this doesn't have any effect. I truly don't care. - So... I've been thinking of Ev anyway, and meaning to give her a call, so, before it got too late again, I rang. She was just getting “back from the beach” and asked that I call her back. So I waited and did and had NO intention of getting into this “development” but when she asked how things are going, I “dropped and mention” and SHE WAS SO INTRIGUED THAT WE SPOKE ABOUT IT AT LENGTH! SHE'S SO IMPRESSED! AND SHE TOO SAYS IT'S LIKE SOME SORT OF SCRIPT, A BOOK, A STORY! One thing I REALLY HAVE TO MENTION:
I said that, since moving here, things, no matter how heavy, deep, dark, they've always worked-out. Said I “There are times when I think back over my life... I know I haven't always been the kindest person, but I often say that the times when I've been mean have been provoked. And at times like this, when these surprises happen, I have to think 'Maybe I haven't been all as miserable as I think.'” And Ev's reponse: “You've never been mean to me.” WELL! That's REALLY ALL anybody could EVER ask to hear! And I didn't ask! So we talked about “sternness” with Moe when he was recovering, and the “sketch” I still have (which I now have to get a copy of to send to her because I told her I would... good thing I've just ordered more ink for the printer... now to find paper and a way to get it to her...). We chatted for about an hour and she closed with making me promise to keep her informed about this “paintings” issue! AND... when I said that I might have to drive down to Pine Bush to fetch “things” and told her where PB is in relation to the lake she said “Well, you know where I am and how to find me.” Imagine? WHAT AN AMAZING sort of day... THIS is the kind of shit people write kitchy movies about!
OK, well then, anyway and okie-dokie... I got caught-up in QI and such and didn't get into the shower until almost 23.00 or so... the “trickle” that it was. But it was “semi-refreshing” and SO NEEDED! When it was done, I FINALLY got to trim the toe-nails too! And right away, when it was all done... off to bed... at almost about mid-night. Day done... and tomorrow? Tomorrow...
Fri.13.Aug: (***** YONAH! 10 (TEN) MONTHS !!! WE'RE ROLLING ALONG TOWARD OUR “ANNUAL”!!! ***** AND *LOVE LIVES AND GROWS EVER-STRONGER!* *****
*** ART-WORK! DISCOVERED! IN PINE BUSH! 16 YEARS LATER! THE ART-WORKS HAVE BEEN FOUND! *** )
11.35 Admittedly, I didn't get up and about until almost 8.00 this morning. BUT, that's after getting to “futon” (Yonah's, of course) at about mid-night. I was out of the shower at shortly before then, put the lights out and just laid down... I don't recall falling asleep, but I DO recall NOT laying there for very long. There was a tiniest reprieve from the heat and humidity, and I left the box fan on, in the kitchen, blowing, lightly, into the room. When I woke this morning, to see Yonah is his usual place on his “night-perch”, and got “the call” I was SO pleased... WE MADE IT THROUGH THE NIGHT... NO MICE! And his food was in perfectly fine shape! NO MICE! Maybe the taping really DID work! Imagine! - And so... “morning routine” commenced and the sun rose to POUR into Yonah's room as I did my usual “morning stumbling about”. - I've gotten “paper-and-book-work” done again. I need to get Journals caught-up again. I'm feeling “OK”... not more, not less. A bit of sharp pains in the right “quadrant”... shoulder, chest, arm. But other-wise, just the usual “fatigue” of a day. (GOOD LORD! “MERCY MERCY ME” IS ON THE RADIO... IN THIS HEAT... AND I'M JUST RIGHT BACK TO “THE CITY” DAYS... AND A TRAIN... METRO-NORTH, NEW HAVEN LINE, HEADING FOR WESTCHESTER... LIZ AND I ARE RIDING BETWEEN CARS. THESE DAYS, THESE MEMORIES ARE DEEP, VIVID, PAINFUL AS AN ETERNITY IN HELL. I MISS THOSE DAYS, THOSE YEARS. SO MUCH ADVENTURE. SO READY TO JUMP INTO A “RISK” AND BELIEVING THAT NOTHING WOULD EVER TOUCH OR HURT US! BUT THE TRUTH OF THOSE DAYS, THAT MATTER, IS, I WAS ALWAYS “RUNNING”... WITH EVERY BIT OF ENERGY THAT MADE MY “BEING”, AS FAST, LONG AND HARD AS I POSSIBLY COULD, TO GET AWAY FROM THE “REALITY” THAT WAS MY OTHER-WISE GOD-FORSAKEN, IN THE LITERAL SENSE, EXISTENCE. BUSES TO PORT AUTHORITY. TRAINS TO GRAND CENTRAL, THE HUDSON LINE, THE NEW HAVEN LINE. SUBWAYS. MOST OF THE TIME I HAD ONLY THE SLIGHTEST TRACE OF AN IDEA AS TO WHAT I WAS DOING, WHERE I WAS GOING. BUT I DIDN'T MIND, DIDN'T FEAR ANY OF IT. IT WASN'T WHAT WAS “SUPPOSED TO BE” OTHER-WISE. I WAS “AWAY”! I WAS ALONE, EVEN WITH COMPANY! I WAS “SAFE” BECAUSE NOBODY KNEW ME, NOBODY KNEW WHAT MY ACTUAL LIFE WAS. I WASN'T EVEN ON THE SAME PLANET, NOT EVEN THE SAME “CREATION” AS “THE HOUSE-HOLD”! I WAS THRILLED, HAPPY... CONTENT... SOMEBODY ELSE, LIVING A LIFE I COULD ONLY “VISIT”, BUT A LIFE I COULD GO TO WHEN I NEEDED IT. “MERCY MERCY ME”... MERCY.) - (12.12 Distractions... just put the little mirror on the back of the loo door... hair-cut... if I ever get to it. And a coat of “clear” on the “PRIVATE” sign. - Moving along... - I'm in a “mist”... or maybe it's a “miasma”. As I said, yesterday, to Ev, this business of the paintings... 16 YEARS! As memory serves, and that's questionable these days, I was at Rochambeau on “9-11-2001”. I remember I removed to Beacon on the 15th January because Pookie said it was her birthday and she said it was one of the worst birthdays she'd ever had because “my best friend was leaving”. 2002? Can it be? It would make some sense: Winter 2002 in Beacon, remove to Newburgh Summer 2002... and then “Easter Sunday”, 2003. Was I at CTN for a year? MUST, because I was there only one Winter... the Winter of the miserable sinus infection. So it was 2003 when ALL was shoved into that U-Haul... and that was the “END”. Then, up to Chris' for a year... 2004 to Jim's for some months... I have to check when I did the Bainbridge Wall because I was at Jim's then... then on to Margot's... and the message “I need Winter clothes” and the “I am so sorry... “ reply. (How I wish I could remember what e-mail account that went to. Hotmail? Gmail? I don't know, but it's gone... “Dates”. At the moment, they're important, but over-all... they have NO bearing on anything... because, eventually, and at the rate I'm going these days, one day soon, they'll never have happened. ANYWAY... 16 years with-out ALL that was ripped from me. And “Mindy” says she has “things” of mine... “THINGS”? WHAT “THINGS”? Journals? Paintings? Music? Books? WHAT? AND last night it SLAMMED me: WHY? WHY WOULD ANYBODY HAVE “THINGS” OF MINE? WHAT WOULD POSSESS A STRANGER TO KEEP “THINGS” OF MINE? WHO IS THIS “MINDY”? WHO IS/WAS HER MOTHER? AND WHY DOES THE FAMILY NAME “BROCK” STRIKE SOME-HOW “FAMILIAR”? (It's throwing my head into another “episode” as I think about it... My mind, body... “me”... “I” just can't seem to handle this.) And then the “18”... “chai”... “life”... and “D18” at the shelter. And numerology. (Addendum: I looked through my “WP” blog... Karpeles was in 2005 so THAT was the year when the Shitsax stole the lot! I was thinking it was 2003... but, the theft happened just before the exhibit! So I'm changing references of “18” to “16”...) Questioning the world. Questioning “Creation”. Questioning it ALL. And, HOW am I to get these “things”, if I even want them? WHAT will I “do” with these “things” after having re-done my entire existence, with-out them? Where will I put them and why? And I have a feeling this isn't going to work along “peacefully”. There's something “not good” in it all. Harsh words. Horrid slashing at “healed wounds”. Something. Well, honestly, there's no way of knowing for certain until it's done. “Mindy” has the numbers: 40417 and 40517. She said she'd call this after-noon... by sun-set we'll know more... know better... know what-ever. And frankly, the ONLY “thing” that I'm curious about is the painting of “Split Rock, Minnewaska”. I would like to have that back. I doubt it's still in the “special” frame. I doubt it's even in fair condition... IF it “is” at all. THEN there's the retrieval. Am I looking at having to make that drive? And is this “Mindy” in Pine Bush? And in my condition... not really being able to drive at night, not wanting to drive at night... over the High Peaks. Leaving here at 5.00 to get there by 10.00 (in best situation), leaving there not later than noon to be back by 17.00 before the sun sets so as not to need to drive the High Peaks in the dark. Of course, once on the Northway, it isn't all THAT horrific for most of the way and getting back to Essex county and home again isn't all that bad either. Still... will this old body and that old truck handle this? I need to stop all of this “anticipatory anxiety”... We shall see... when... IF... we see at all. - 12.33 Now... to get back to yesterday. I made notes, as I've been doing these days. I'll have to “expound”... AND I STILL HAVE TO FINISH YONAH'S APRIL AND MAY JOURNAL PAGES! Hey! I've NOTHING else on the agenda for today. NOTHING. Just a day with my BESTIE... my HEART-BEAT... who is resting in his mosses as I type along. - It's REALLY getting HOTTER again. Thankfully, there's just the slightest breeze... for all the good it does... and doesn't. - (13.48 I'm sitting here, recounting yesterday and I look up to see... YONAH SPLASHING IN THE POOL! WOO-HOO-HOO-HOO-YEAH!) - 15.21 WELL! IT WAS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE... AND SKYPE JUST FUCKED ME, UP THE THROAT THE OUT THE EARS... GOT AN “ANONYMOUS” CALL ON SKYPE AND IT DIDN'T RING THROUGH AND I CAN'T GET A MESSAGE! AND GOOGLE VOICE JOINED IN SO IT'S A DOUBLE FUCKING, SHIT BLOWING OUT OF MY EYE SOCKETS! THAT NUMBER ISN'T RINGING THROUGH! AND SPECTRUM? WELL... PROBABLY FUCKING ME AS WELL WITH THROTTLED BANDWIDTH! I'M ABOUT ... WELL... HAD I THE MEANS... I'D BE ON THE ROAD TO AN OFFICE TO BLAST SOMEBODY'S ARSE HOLE WITH SOME WHITE-HOT LEAD PELLETS. NO, I DON'T WANT ANYBODY DEAD... THEY DON'T DESERVE THE PEACE! AS I SAY... TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE. FUCK! SO NOW... ON WITH WHAT I'VE BEEN “AMUSING” ME WITH... CODING TO GET THE E-MAILS ON THE JOURNAL... WHERE THIS GOES IS... WELL WERE IT GOES... IT'S BEEN 16 FUCKING YEARS... IT'LL BE ANOTHER 16 FUCKING BLOODY YEARS... OR NOT. FUCK! “LIFE”... ALWAYS HAS SOMETHING TO SHOVE INTO MY GUT!
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19.30 ***** ***** ***** JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE... A 45-MINUTE CHAT WITH MINDY!!! IN PINE BUSH!!! SHE HAS MY WATER-COLOURS! SHE'S HAD THEM ALL ALONG! BUT IN THE PAST MONTH OR SO, SHE'S ACTUALLY GONE INTO WHAT-EVER SHE COULD TO FIND ME! WE TALKED AND TALKED ABOUT WALKER VALLEY, PINE BUSH, SHAWANGUNK! BUT THE HISTORY IS: MY NAME WAS ON THE STORAGE UNIT BUT THE CONTACT INFO APPARENTLY WASN'T (BECAUSE I DON'T RECALL EVER RECEIVING EVEN THE “NOTICE OF AUCTION”!!!). HER HUSBAND, MICHAEL, OWNED THE STORAGE PLACE AND, AS SHE SAID, HE *NEVER* WANTED TO SELL-OFF ANYBODY'S BELONGINGS. IN FACT, HE'D HELD-OFF ON SOME UNITS FOR AS MUCH AS A YEAR! HE TRIED TO CONTACT ME FOR 9 MONTHS AND AT THAT POINT, HE *NEEDED* THE UNIT! THEY THOUGHT I'D DIED. SO HE WENT INTO THE UNIT TO CHECK IT BEFORE AUCTION AND NOTICED THE ART-WORK. MINDY INSISTED THAT THAT BE SALVAGED, JUST IN CASE “THE PAINTER WAS STILL ALIVE”. IT GOT PUT INTO THEIR “EXTRA” UNIT AND STAYED THERE FOR YEARS UNTIL THEY DECIDED TO SELL THE BUSINESS RATHER RECENTLY. WELL, MINDY INSISTED THAT SHE WANTED TO TRY AGAIN, TO FIND “THE PAINTER” AND SO, THEY BROUGHT THE PAINTINGS TO THEIR HOUSE! SHE, MINDY, LOOKED FOR ME... LOOKED IN “NATIONAL OBITUARIES”, “Ancestry.”, “Geneolgy.”... AND OF *ALL* THE PLACES IMAGINABLE... SHE FOUND “THE FAREWELL TOUR” ON *MINDS*! SHE NOTICED SOME ART-WORK POSTED ON MY MINDS ACCOUNT AND SAID THAT IT LOOKED LIKE THE WORKS SHE HAD AT THE HOUSE AND KEPT DIGGING UNTIL SHE FOUND THE “WP” BLOG... WITH “CONTACT”! (WHO WOULD HAVE EVER THOUGH THAT IT WOULD ACTUALLY WORK? I CERTAINLY DIDN'T... THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER IS, I PUT THAT UP AND OUT THERE TO STUFF THE SEARCH ENGINES SO THAT THE BULL-SHIT ON-LINE WOULD DISAPPEAR... WELL, THAT WORKED... AND SO TOO... THE ART-WORK!) WHAT AMAZED HER WAS THAT SHE'D SENT THE E-MAIL AND THAT I REPLIED SO SOON AFTER! WELL, IT WAS WITH-IN ABOUT 45 MINUTES... AND THAT AMAZES ME AS WELL! “FATE”. “TIMING”. “DIVINE INTERVENTION”. WHAT-EVER! SO, SHE REITERATED THAT SHE DOESN'T WANT ANYTHING OTHER THAN TO GET IT ALL BACK TO ME! OH! AND IN WHAT SHE HAS IS A “9-11 COMMEMORATIVE” SOMETHING AND “BROADWAY POSTERS”! SHE MENTIONED “CABARET”... SIGNED! THE AUTOGRAPHED POSTER(S)! THEN SHE APOLOGISED FOR NOT HAVING “THE REST” OF WHAT WAS IN THAT UNIT! TO THINK, SHE KEPT THE ART-WORK... TO THINK SHE KEPT ANYTHING, FOR ALL THESE YEARS AND APOLOGISES FOR NOT HAVING “MORE”!!!! WELL, I DID TELL HER THE PARTICULARS OF THAT SUNDAY AND HOW MY PRESENCE AT CTN WAS RESENTED. SHE WAS SO UNDERSTANDING AND SYMPATHETIC. SHE TOLD ME OF HER MUM, WHEN THEY WERE SELLING HER HOUSE, THE REALTOR HAD GIVEN A KEY TO THE NEIGHBOUR AND THAT ONE WENT INTO THE HOUSE AND STOLE SEVERAL ITEMS INCLUDING SOME OF HER MUM'S ART-WORK AND HOW THERE WAS A PARTICULAR PIECE THAT SOME ONE HAD ADMIRED SO MUCH AND SHE WANTED TO GIVE IT TO THEM BUT... IT'S GONE NOW. “ART WORK” AND “ARTISTS” ARE A DEEP ISSUE WITH HER! - AND, MOSTLY TO “LEGITIMISE” ME, I MENTIONED WORKING IN THE PB PO, MARION SCOTT, WALKER VALLEY, CRAGSMOOR. NAMED NAMES AND SUCH AND THE ONES MINDY DIDN'T KNOW, HER HUSBAND DID. - AND SO, SHE EVEN OFFERED TO “MEET HALF WAY OR SOME-WHERE ALONG THE WAY” SO I DON'T HAVE TO DRIVE ALL THE WAY TO PINE BUSH! - “I CAN'T DO IT THIS WEEK-END BUT WE'LL MAKE ARRANGEMENTS.” I OFFERED TO DRIVE TO PINE BUSH. SHE SAID THERE WAS NO NEED, THAT SHE AND MICHAEL GO DRIVING, THEY ENJOY IT, AND SHE'S FAMILIAR WITH THIS AREA BECAUSE MICHAEL HAD SOME SORT OF BUSINESS IN RAY BROOK! SO SHE KNOWS HOW FAR FROM PINE BUSH I AM! - ANYWAY... WHEN I SAID THAT I CAN'T EVEN THINK OF ANY WAY TO EXPRESS MY GRATITUDE FOR SUCH A GIFT, WHICH IS WHAT THIS ACTUALLY IS, SHE SAID “IT'S A MITZVAH.” A “MITZVAH”!? OH MY GOD!!!! SO NOW, WE'LL SEE... MINDY SAYS THE WORKS ARE IN THEIR BREEZE-WAY BECAUSE, OVER THE YEARS, THE NEWS-PRINT I WRAPPED THEM IN TOOK ON THAT “DAMP” ODOUR. SHE'S AIRING THEM OUT. “THEY'RE ALL IN PERFECT CONDITION.” SHE SAID. THEY JUST HAVE THAT “SMELL”. WELL... AFTER ALL THESE YEARS? AND NOW... I WAIT AND WONDER AND AM IN AWE... SPEECHLESS, SHOCK!
RIGHT AFTER RINGING-OFF WITH MINDY, I RANG EV TO TELL HER OF THE DEVELOPMENTS. SHE'S FASCINATED BY IT ALL AND THANKED ME FOR LETTING HER KNOW AND WISHED ME THE BEST OF LUCK WITH THE RETRIEVAL. BUT WHAT *** FLOORED *** ME WAS WHEN SHE SAID “YOUR SISTER... SHE'S A SHIT.” EV!?!?!? “SHE'S A SHIT.”? WELL! IF ANYBODY ELSE HAD SAID THAT, I PROBABLY WOULD HAVE LET IT PASS. BUT FOR *EV* TO SAY SUCH A THING! SO THERE WE HAVE THE LATEST IN THIS! I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO MEETING THIS “MINDY” AND MICHAEL... OH! AND MINDY SAID THAT, BACK IN THE 70s, SHE WORKED AT THE “DUNKIN' DONUTS” ON THE CORNER OF BROADWAY AND WISNER AVENUE!!! SHE MENTIONED THE “JACK IN THE BOX” BURGER PLACE! I'M WONDERING IF WE DON'T, SOME-HOW OR ANOTHER, KNOW EACH-OTHER. I CAN'T THINK OF ANY “MINDY” I'D EVER MET, AND I'M SURE I WOULD HAVE KNOWN HER, BEING JEWISH. BUT IT MAKES IT ALL THE MORE FASCINATING!!! AND SHE COMES FROM HARTSDALE... I TOLD HER OF THE MAMARONECK/VALHALLA RELATIVES... I CAN HARDLY WAIT TO SEE HOW THIS RUNS! EVEN EV SAYS IT'S LIKE A BOOK, A MOVIE... SOMETHING... BUT NOT “LIFE”. AND TO KNOW THAT MINDY AND MICHAEL EXIST IN THIS WORLD OF SUCH HORRID EVIL IS, WELL, LITTLE SHORT OF A MIRACLE! ME? I'M STILL WONDERING “WHY”, “HOW”, “WHAT”... THIS, TO ME, IS SUCH A BLESSING, A GIFT, INDESCRIBABLE! BETWEEN THIS AND YONAH... HONESTLY, NOW I'M BEGINNING TO PANIC: WHAT WILL “FATE” HIT ME WITH TO “BALANCE” IT? BUT FOR NOW... I'M HONESTLY PRACTICALLY NUMB WITH SHOCK. ONE OTHER THING I HAVE TO MENTION IS THE SHIT PHONE SERVICE THROUGH ALL OF THIS! “FATE”, “LIFE”... CALL IT WHAT YOU WILL, BUT IT *ALL* CAME INTO FULL PLAY TODAY, TO MAKE SURE THIS ALL DIDN'T JUST “ROLL ALONG”! SKYPE WAS A FUCK-UP! REJECTED MINDY'S CALL BECAUSE IT CAME THROUGH AS “ANONYMOUS”! SO IT WOULDN'T DO A “CALL-BACK”! IT REGISTRED A “VOICE MAIL” BUT WON'T LET ME ACCESS THAT! IT WOULDN'T RING. IT WOULDN'T CALL. IT'S FUCKED FUCKED FUCKED!!!! AND I'D GIVEN MINDY YONAH'S NUMBER, BECAUSE GGLEVCE IS USUALLY BETTER... EVEN THAT WOULDN'T RING THROUGH AND, OF COURSE, “ANONYMOUS” DOESN'T RING BACK! I WAS BOUNCING ALL OVER THIS INTERNET SHIT! FINALLY, MINDY SENT AN E-MAIL WITH HER NUMBER! THEN, I PHONE HER AND AS WE'RE TALKING... ON YONAH'S NUMBER... THE FUCKING PHONE CUTS! “NETWORK PROBLEM”!!!! FUCKING SPECTRUM! THEY WERE *ALL* OUT TO SHOVE SOME HELL INTO THIS! THEN... THEN... THEN... AFTER MINDY AND I RANG OFF AND I WENT TO PHONE EV... THE FUCKING “LG” PHONE HAD CUT THE INTERNET CONNECTION!!! THIS SHIT IS JUST TOO FUCKED TO BE PHANTASY! SO, I WONDER, ALL THE MORE... WHAT “FATE” IS GOING TO SLAM ME WITH... AND I KNOW SOMETHING IS COMING... |
Sat.14.Aug: 10.49 I HAVE TO CATCH UP AGAIN THIS MORNING! YESTERDAY WAS A WHIRL-WIND... This morning's “necessities” are out of the way... a day with YONAH on the agenda and getting busy with all of this documentation and such! (Truth? I'm in “pain” this morning. Not debilitating, but “pain”. Not “discomfort”. “Pain”. Across the centre chest, left-to-right, more in the right shoulder and arm. No “rattling or rails” in the lungs. No “colourful hacking”. No constant hacking. I don't understand. Fatigue? Oh yes, indeed. A touch of “light-headedness”? Indeed. “Dung Lung”? There's no “blood”, no “weight-loss”, no “classic signs of “CA”. But the symptoms ARE along the lines of Dung Lung. Of course, that's incurable, but “treatable”. Well, 2 more weeks until... the torture of “tests”... and all sorts of of bull-shit-fuckerie, I've no doubt. But now, I need to find out what the actual fuck is going on! (This morning, when I'd stepped out for a quick few drags... since I don't actually “smoke” these days, it's mostly for the “flavour”, I thought: “16 years and the paintings are coming back... Yonah is in my life and I couldn't be happier, and he's my only real concern and LOVE... it wouldn't surprise me: died just before, probably the day before or the morning of, when I was going to get the paintings...” Last night, I thought: my eye-sight will be taken, just before I plan on driving to meet Mindy and Michael... I won't be able to drive, won't be able to see the old paintings... WON'T BE ABLE TO SEE YONAH! “Life”... it's been quite amazingly opposite of my previous years, since I came to this house... BUT... it's also taught me to NEVER TRUST it! Creation is NOT to be “trusted”...) OK... well... I woke with Yonah this morning, and the sound of rains pounding on the roof of the cellar shed. 8.00 and up and about. LATE! Thankfully, only one or 2 “calls” from the little one. And we rolled along with morning routine. - I HAD to wash the under-things of yesterday and the little towel I sleep on in Yonah's room. I didn't shower before bed last night, probably should have done. But my perspiration smells of “baked goods”... “bread” or the likes! ICK! So that's on the rack, the doors are open, the sun is trying to shine through. When it does, the temperature rises... and too, the humidity. - Yonah's been “affectionate” this morning... coming over to me when I “opened house” this morning and coming to the “extended perch” when I sat at the work table! It's BEAUTIFUL! (It makes me wonder: is he coming close because he knows something about me that I can't know?) - And now... I'm getting “snoozey”... I have yesterday to finish here... and still have April and May for Yonah! There's extra coding to include a copy of the “Mindy Mail” here, AND YONAH'S “BizCards”!!! I have WORK I WANT to complete! AND... another “Living Will”, instructions for Yonah, should something “happen” to me... I HAVE THINGS TO DO! (And none of them make any difference in “Life” or TO “Life”... or TO “Creation”... or TO a “Creator”... ) - 13.43 The sun is shining, there's a cool breeze blowing... it's one of those “perfect” days! And I'm just finishing yesterday's entry and the chat with Mindy. And Yonah has been on my head, on the back of the chair... we're “A Team” today! And I couldn't be happier! - I HAD to take a “snooze” from 11-11.45. All morning I've been “heavy” in the chest, “light” in the head. One of those days where, well... if Yonah wasn't here, I'd simply go to bed and “wait for God” as it were. - I've had morning and mid-day pills though. - And I still can't help but think this is some kind of wicked infection... 14.32 Water changed in Yonah's pool. Another coat of clear on the “Private” sign. Finger nails filed. I've had a moment's reprieve from “pain”! And as I was changing waters, Yonah was on my head, arm and hand! He's been EXCEPTIONALLY PLAYFUL! - AND... AS I STEPPED OUT TO PUT THE CLEAR ON THE SIGN... A HAMILTON BEACH FOOD PROCESSOR... ON THE CHAIR ON THE FRONT PORCH! JEEZUS! WHY? WHY DO PEOPLE “WOMEN” MAKE THINGS JUST DIFFICULT? LEAVE WELL ENOUGH ALONE! NOW I HAVE TO GO UP THE HILL TO RETURN THIS SHIT! Granted, I'm suspicious about the “Ninja”. I looked-up the “vendor” from Amzoon... North LI... a “bi-level” house that looks rather “empty”. And THAT shit's being shipped USPS! I'm NOT comfortable with this. Anyway... a trip up the hill... Maybe she's “making nice”? I don't know... I can't care, really. It was fine the way it was. Oh... just “OH!”. - But the sun is shining, the breezes are blowing, the humidity is gone... and... I'm catching up with current affairs... Now... back to WORK that's necessary! - And Mme. VT is “entertaining” on her back gallery. Nice, eh? Not that I'd be out there, but I see it as just MORE space in this place that I'm “precluded” from, blocked from... Oh well... “Life”... it's how it goes. - 15.55 THE “PRIVATE RESIDENCE” SIGN IS ATTACHED! LET THE SNARKY BITCH-FEST COMMENCE! FUKKEM! FUKKEMALL! - 21.04 The house is calm, at last. At about 20.00, the THWACK of the screen door next. She's making this place like a barn! Typical “VTrash”! Well? It isn't like I had NO idea... I suspected and expected and here it is. Sadly, there's a charming flat available, in a “complex”... a VERY NICE complex, in Plattsburgh, that, since heat and hot water is included, I could swing, had I the funds for the rent and deposit. The thing is, it's in Plattsburgh, 2 bed-rooms, beautiful tiling in the loo, beautiful floors, but the “kitchen” isn't a “kitchen”... it's a corner of a “Great Room”, as they call it these days. Still, had I the money... I'd be SERIOUSLY considering. But I mustn't “JUMP” again! MUST NOT! Some-where, there's a little place where Yonah and I can see our time together in peace... I have to be patient. “Fate” has been SO kind to me in recent times... I have to hold “Faith”. - Ah... time... well, before that tangent... Yonah and I spent the entire day together and I've managed to get almost ALL of April transcribed and onto the server! We had a LOT of “play breaks” during the day too! He was on my head, hands, the chair, the work table. Honestly, I'm ASTOUNDED by how CLOSE we are... we're, what I call, a “unit” now. SO much LOVING, SNUGGLING, CUDDLING, KISSING! And when it was time for “tuck-in” he wanted MORE! But, he seems to be quite settled now... hopefully the night will pass quietly... for both of us, but most of all, for him! (My anxieties about that “thing” next door... I'm looking forward to Mr. Alden's visit... which might be the coming week... though I doubt it because he KNOWS I'm not “happy” here any longer and I'm sure he doesn't want to be bothered with/about any of it. Fuktard.) Anyway... I have my LOVE here and that really IS all that matters. - Health note: Today was a “difficult” day, where “pain” was concerned and it still is. I have a lot of “discomfort” in the chest and throat and that “dizziness” again. There was a moment...a “moment” when, in other cases in another world at another time, I might have considered a run to the ER. But it passed. I just want to know what the actual fuck is going on now! I'm thinking 5 years with Yonah... and now, a trip to get the paintings... I guess I “NEED” to know what the actual fuck is going on. NOT, mind, that it'll make much difference over-all. BUT IT WILL MAKE A DIFFERENCE WHERE YONAH IS CONCERNED! AND IF I MUST, I'LL HAVE TO MAKE SURE THAT HE'S WELL-LOVED... should I involuntarily ... I'm not even going to type it. - And so, there we have it. Tonight is supposed to drop to about 12° and so, Yonah's windows are closed more, curtains too. I'm considering another night on his futon, though I really do believe I ought to stop that for a while. But if it gets chilly in there tonight, I don't want him thinking that I'm “abandoning him in the cold”. I still have clean linens on a made bed that I haven't been in in a while! Chances are, I'll be in with Yonah tonight... besides, I still want to make sure there are no mice in there! (And that's another thing that works on my nerves!) - OK. I had night pills at 20.00. It's 21.17 already. Time for a light snack. I MUST shower before bed tonight because I skipped last night. So... time for a QI. Tomorrow, I ought to take a civil hair-cut as well... at least give the new trimmer a try. - OH!!! AT 19.02 A “TEXT” MESSAGE: “Did u go to the porch?” FUCK YOU! Yes... the little grinder/thingie is on the little table in the living-room, something ELSE I don't look forward to doing... returning it. But I have one on delivery and don't WANT ANYTHING from her! But tomorrow's supposed to be nice weather... I'm hoping to be able to wash the linens on Yonah's futon, and I have a shirt that needs a washing... I can get those done early enough and stroll up the fucking hill to put up with the insanity... AND THEN I CAN COME HOME TO YONAH! Oh... alas... and BULL-SHIT! - But for now... QI, shower and a snooze. - 23.38 TO BED! SHOWERED!
Sun.15.Aug: 21.25 JUST RELEASED ANOTHER MOUSE! WHERE, IN FUX NAME, DID THAT ONE COME FROM? THIS FUCKING SHIT-BOX IS SEALED! THERE MUST BE A NEST “IN” THE HOUSE, SOME-WHERE AND THE ONLY PLACES I CAN THINK OF ARE IN THE “ALCOVE” IN YONAH'S ROOM OR UNDER HIS FUTON! WELL... MORE “EXPLORING” TO BE DONE! BUT NOT TONIGHT... JOSEPHINE! - THAT said... WE were up and about at about 6.45 this morning and me? Well... I was fine with that and made good use of that time... “morning routine” and then... well... INTO IT! By 8.44, Yonah's futon sheets were on the line, the scrubs and my yellow shirt were on the drying rack, all on the back gallery AND BOTH hummie-feeders were freshly filled!!! WOO-hoo-HOO! AND... as a side note... as I was putting the sheets on the line, ***THWACKS AND SMACKS***... I JUST LET THE SCREEN DOOR SWING! When I went out to wipe the lines and when I came back in to get the fitted sheet, and when I went out to hang the fitted sheet, and when I came back in to get the flat sheet, and when I went out to hang the flat sheet, and when I came back in from hanging the flat sheet. THWATCKS AND SMACKS AND FUKKITS! And I HOPE it was heard, not only HERE but next at the “Mayor's Residence” as well! I was PISSED... because that shit-sack VTrash just pissed me off. - OK... SO... that was done and it was time to GET TO WORK! AND so I did... had my coffee and internet and such and got back to Yonah's room and got back into the April Journal which, by the way... IS DONE, COMPLETE, ON THE SERVER... BY 19.35 THIS EVENING! (ON to MAY! and MAY that go quicker than April!) - Ah... but the day was going entirely TOO TOO TOO WELL... OF FUCKING COURSE! WE COULDN'T HAVE THAT! NO! The sheets had dried nicely by after-noon and I was excited to bring them in, so I did, and turned the futon, because, well, I've been sleeping on it for several nights now. AH... CRASH! THE FUCKING CEILING LIGHT COVER CAME DOWN... AND YES... BROKE... INTO 3 PIECES (thankfully, it didn't fucking shatter, but I HOOVERED, none-the-less)!!! When I looked at the fixture-proper... THE FUCKING THING HAD SNAPPED! THE STEM SNAPPED OUT OF THE FIXTURE... IT HAD BEEN GLUED TOGETHER PREVIOUSLY! THIS SHIT-SACK “FUCKING LANDLORD” AND HIS FUCKERIE! THANKFULLY, IT SNAPPED WHEN IT DID AND NOT WHILST YONAH WAS ABOUT THE ROOM! SO... I got out the epoxy (MUST make sure to have that in the house at all times) and put the shit back together. BUT THE SHADE (which I've come to learn is called a “diffuser”, fancy fuck that) IS BROKEN! SO... Well... I was going to run into town for smokes anyway, so I grabbed the can of “Clear” that didn't work properly, the receipt, Nancy's “food processor” and OUT THE FUCKING DOOR! - Aubuchon's, where I got another can of clear, told the sales guy about their “Price Point” discrepancies and got a song-and-dance about when they send the new ones and such... fukdatshit... THEN... GOT NEW BATTERIES FOR THE TRUCK KEY-FOBS (I believe the ALARM is working so... I don't “need” 911 service... I'll just piss them all off with the truck alarm now... thank you Joan)! Not a bad trip, there. - Next, to FamDoll... 2 packs smokes and on to... “Tante Nancy's”... THANKFULLY her sister-in-law was there so she was all “nicey-nicey”. I gave her her grinder and explained that I thought Marcia might need it... sorry the job didn't work out.
COME TO FIND OUT... HER BROTHER NEVER SHOWED AND THE FUCKING JOB NEVER GOT COMPLETED! AND THERE SHE SITS. AH... BUT THAT EXPLAINS THE “GIFTIE”... MAY I SAY “QUNT”? I MAY AND DO! SHE “THREATENED” THAT SHE'S GOING TO THE BANQUE TOMORROW AND WILL LEAVE ME THE CASH FOR THE CHEQUE. I TOLD HER I'LL MAIL THE CASH BACK TO HER! I ASKED IF SHE HAS THE WIRE. SHE SAID YES. I SAID I'LL FINISH THE JOB BUT SINCE SHE'S NOT HAPPY WITH THE WORK, I'M NOT TAKING MONEY FOR IT. SHE SAID WE'LL DISCUSS IT! FUCK THAT! SURE I CAN USE THE MONEY NOW... OIL! HEATING! THE NIGHTS ARE GETTING CHILLY! BUT FUCK NO! THEN WE'LL HEAR “I PAID FOR THAT AND IT'S NO GOOD!” FUCK OFF!
Anyway... we'll see how that all goes. I have things to keep me busy here, but truthfully, there's only but about 30 minutes' work left... we'll see... - And so... BACK HOME TO THE HOUSE TO YONAH TO WORK ON FINISHING APRIL 2021 JOURNAL PAGE AND HAVING A WONDERFUL DAY OF IT WITH HIM! - Meal time came SO quickly! So I threw a pizza into the oven, had half and some ice cream and went back to Yonah. - Water changes at about 19.40... as it's getting dark by then and he's tucked-in and I'm pondering a quick shower (because linens and scrubs are clean) before my nigh-night (which, I suppose, considering the fucking mouse again... which I KNEW was here because there was SHIT in Yonah's food this morning!!!!!! I may as well sleep in there again... to see about MORE fucking rodents... and tomorrow... I might just go for a “snap-trap”... though honestly... I really can't afford ANY more shopping... there's about 5$ in the account that I can “play” with... fuck me) (the bloody “converter box” for the lap-top cord just dropped on the kitchen chair and I just almost had a CORONARY... BETWEEN LIGHTS AND MICE... AND THAT SHIT NEXT DOOR... THIS PLACE WILL BE MY DEATH!) - Anyway... on to QI, a nosh and... I'm TIRED! Of this place and in general. - THANK THE GODS AND LORDS FOR YONAH! - Addendum? FUCK! AUGUST IS HALF GONE AL-FUCKING-READY! - 22.02 ANOTHER MOUSE!!!!!! I SAW THIS ONE HEAD FOR THAT LITTLE ALCOVE! WORK TOMORROW MORNING!!! FUCK! - 23.26 A SECOND MOUSE, CAUGHT RIGHT OUT-SIDE THE “ALCOVE”! BUT...APPARENTLY, THE “SECRET” TO THIS 20$ PIECE OF TRAP-SHIT IS... USE IT UP-SIDE DOWN! THE MICE ARE SO SMALL AND LIGHT THAT THEY DON'T TRIP THE LITTLE PLATFORM THAT CLOSES THE ENTRANCE, BUT... UP-SIDE DOWN, THEY DON'T GET TO THE PLATFORM AND WHEN THEY GET BACK TO THE ENTRANCE/EXIT, THE FLAP THAT'S SUPPOSED TO CLOSE BEHIND THEM IS ALREADY CLOSED AND CATCHES ON THE BIT THAT'S SUPPOSED TO STOP THEM FROM LEAVING! AH-HAH!!! THE ARSE-HOLES THAT INVENTED THE DAMNED THING MADE IT FOR “FAT” MICE! MINE ARE SLIM, TINY, LIGHT-WEIGHT! NOW... I HAVE IT RE-SET. AND BOTH MICE WERE “TOSSED” IN “THE PARK”. WELL, THE FIRST ONE WAS SET ON THE PICNIC TABLE, BUT THIS ONE... THE MOON IS GONE SO I COULDN'T FIND MY WAY TO THE TABLE BECAUSE OF THE FUCKING STREET LIGHT SHINING IN MY EYES EN ROUTE. FUCKING LIGHTS. Anyway... I'm off to a quick shower and another night with Yonah... LATE, but it's almost worth it!
Mon.16.Aug: 19.46 ALL DAY... NON-STOP! And now, I'm sitting at Yonah's work table, just finished today's Journal entry on his Journal. Meal dishes dry in the rack in the kitchen, fresh water splashes in his pool. The radio is on, and the sun is setting already! The room is getting dark. The mourning doves out-side have been here for their “before bed” snack... and Yonah has had his as well... - Today began, well... at about 8.15 which is when I woke and got up off Yonah's futon. - Last night was, well, annoying. I DID get to bed by about mid-night, and did manage to fall asleep quite readily... BUT... AT 4.15 I WAS BACK UP, IN THE KITCHEN, SCURRYING A THIRD MOUSE OUT OF THE JUG AND INTO THE LITTLE CAGE! ANOTHER TINY ONE, TIMID. BUT... ANOTHER ONE!!! THREE! I'M ANNOYED AND AGGRAVATED! I CAN'T IMAGINE WHERE THEY'RE COMING INTO THE ROOM FROM! EVERY VISIBLE OPENING HAS BEEN SHUT! But I got the mouse in the cage, re-set the jug and did managed to fall back to sleep... it was Yonah's call that woke me and when I saw the time...!!! - SO... it was “mourning routine” immediately, of course. Yonah, coffee... and dressed. I had a little fur-ball to bring out! And so... this one went out back, where the first one went... beyond the garage. This one too, wasn't all too thrilled about the events. But I DID tell him, whilst he was in the kitchen as I got me together: Nobody here is going to cause you any harm, you'll be back out in a short while... OUT, where you need to stay! And so, when I “released” him, he took a moment to look at me, look around, and then disappeared into the leaves. Yes, I have moments when I think I DO need to get those “snap traps” but... Deborah came by this after-noon as I was on the front porch taking a bit of a break. She brought more preserves and we chatted. I told her of the mice in the house and said that I just don't want “death in the house”. She told me that she understands but, she resorted to the snap-traps when the mice started nesting in the pockets of her sweaters. “It eventually comes down to them eating the house or...” I suppose she's right but... - This morning, I washed and hung the kitchen table cloth and... AND... AND... GOT RIGHT INTO CLEANING THE ALCOVE IN YONAH'S ROOM!!! NO HOLES! NONE! BUT... UNDER THE LITTLE CABINET, THE LITTLE “TOOL'M'STUFF” CABINET... *SUN-FLOWER SEED SHELLS*!!!! MANY! I DON'T HAVE SUN-FLOWER SEEDS IN THE HOUSE! (Deborah says the mice bring them in with them... WHAT? FROM WHERE?) Anyway... EVERY-THING from the bottom came out... the carpet got Hoovered and... using foil and duct tape, I closed the back of the cabinet and THEN... put a triple layer of foil down, under the cabinet but sprinkled some of the “Shelter” laundry powder on it. Let the little shits eat THAT! WELL! When everything was put back in, the curtain now hangs perfectly so... even that made the effort worth the while. Oh, I also checked behind the futon... thankfully, nothing “mousey” back there! - NEXT... that fucking “diffuser”... Managed, I'm almost amazed to say, to “repair” it! EPOXY! Put the pieces together, taped on one side, epoxy on the other and... well... I swapped the broken one out. Took the one from the ceiling fixture in the kitchen, out-side Yonah's door and put it in Yonah's room (it looks MUCH neater anyway... being solid white and no “florals”) and the broken-now-fixed one (with florals) is in the corner of the kitchen, broken-repaired side facing the corner... Damage can't be seen and all is well! AND NOW, I'm NOT buying a fucking replacement for it! II only hope both of them stay where they belong! - 20.57 Ms. VTrash was out front as I went for a smoke... ARGHHHH! But we spoke about the biker who MALINGERED LAST NIGHT AT ABOUT 23.30! SHE TOO FEELS HE'S JUST INTENTIONALLY FUCKING ABOUT! And she's telling about her disappointments with the flat. I don't give a shit. - But back to the day... After getting those items done, and NOT taking a lunch break (though I took lunch pills on time) nor a snooze... By about 15.00 I got to repairing the little “door” on the little “mouse cage” AND THAT'S WHERE THE ENTIRE DAY TURNED TRULY FASCINATING! AS I WAS WORKING ON THE CAGE, WITH SOME WIRE, SNIPS AND PLIERS... YONAH CAME FLYING OVER, LANDED ON MY HEAD, AS HE'S DONE BEFORE... BUT TODAY... HE HOPPED DOWN TO MY SHOULDER, STROLLED DOWN MY ARM AND SAT, FOR THE LONGEST WHILE, ON MY HAND... AS I WORKED... STARING INTENTLY AT MY EVERY MOVE! IT WAS PRECIOUS! I managed to finish the work on the cage and we had a “Heart-felt little chat”... which I've documented on HIS Journal page for today so... (see: Journal... for today ) - This said and said... the NYSEG bill came today too... 41,31 out of the budgeted 65!!! Not that that'll cover any of the expenses coming in Sept. but... quite a relief... and less than the “Budget Pay” of 53! - OK... so now it's 12.05. Yonah is tucked-in... the night is supposed to be slightly warmer than last night but the futon is all set for me for later. I've taken my 20.00 pills. I'm off to QI, a quick shower (because I want to) and hopefully a night of sleep tonight with-out rodents! - Tomorrow? Well... that's then. - 23.13 no shower...
Tue.17.Aug: 9.51 SLEPT... through the night... to the best of my recollection... and woke at about 7.45! 7-plus hours. Oddly, I'm exhausted again, and “tight” in the chest this morning. First cough was “slightly brownish-green”... “slightly”. - AND YONAH IS PASSING LOOSE, “TUBE-LIKE” STOOLS. No mouse-shit in his house, and I didn't remove the food last night. (Though, there was some on the kitchen counter... fuck!) - Raining. Damp, of course, grey, this morning. Chilly but not “cold. 21° in Yonah's room. Nothing on the agenda except the regular work of Journals ... Yonah's site, in particular. Well... we'll see what the day does... when the night comes. - 14.52 ANOTHER DAY HAS PASSED TOO QUICKLY! JEEZUS! WHERE? HOW? WHEN? It's not as if I was lounging all day! In fact, I've managed to “clean the nav” on Yonah's Journal pages... and created new pages through 2022... As I've already posted to his page for today, the thought came to mind (and is stuck in my soul right now)... 2025 is the last year that I've made pages for this, my Journal... not that, when I made them, I expected to be here for that year... I'll be 71, for krise sake. But in my reading on mourning doves, their “life expectancy”, on the “long side” is 5 years and 2025 will be our (Yonah's and mine) FIVE YEAR ANNIVERSARY! Well, maybe... MAYBE that WILL be “OUR” last year. MAYBE that's why he's come into my life... a “Companion” to see this existence out with. We can both “leave”... to go to where-ever it is we go to... or not, together. Well, at any rate, the pages and nav and links are done on his site through 2022... - And, I've worked the e-mail PDF of Mindy's correspondence about the art-work into this, the August page here. On that topic, I've heard nothing further. I can't help but wonder how it will all turn out. Will I manage to exist long enough to actually GET the works back? (Or, as would be my “Fate” of existence, drop dead the day before or the morning of?) Is/was she genuinely concerned? Should I offer to pay to have it all shipped? I would. (Not, mind, that I have ANY funds available for such a thing, in the fore-seeable future. I'm now “working” on getting Yonah to the doctor, me to the doctor, oil for heating... though this week is supposed to get warmer again... but this is August and September WILL bring CHILLS...) I wonder if she isn't doing a little more “investigating”. I wonder if she hasn't, at least, tried to contact that shit-sack “sister” and if she does, WHAT kind of bull-shit stories will she be told. It isn't so much whether or not she believes any of what she'd hear, it's as I once said to Lyle: True or not, all you need to do is plant a seed of question or doubt about a person and it WILL take root, like a virulent weed, and will NEVER cease to exist. Oh, but I DO ponder some of the most useless thoughts. - On another venue, “Crazy Tante Nancy” has been by a couple of times today, tooting. I wonder how, if, when she'll ask to have that “fence job” completed. I wonder if that “HamBeach grinder” wasn't some kind of “peace offering”... to “open a venue” where-by she felt she COULD ask. Well, fact is: more thank likely, I'll go finish the job... just because that's how I am. And I will NOT accept ANY sort of “payment” for it. She's quick to snap “I PAID....” She did that several times, with regard to other work she'd had done and wasn't pleased. So... So... - Anyway... it's already 15.05... I want to get this onto the server as well... and get on with Yonah's “May” Journal page. I'm just glad to have gotten the most recent photos onto his server, and that nav cleaned-up. There's MORE to be done around here... work and such. - Funny (not), but I'd like to paint some walls, put some sort of “curtainry” in the upper windows... but then again, with all the bull-shit in this place... I'd rather invest the time, effort and money in a better place... and there IS a “better place” out there... as it was with the truck... I just have to wait for the world to “turn that way”. - Speaking of which... I also have to get the truck checked. It's “bouncing” again at start-up... I don't like that at all... I HAVE TO GET YONAH TO THE DOCTOR!!! - There's always “something”... always... - 15.37 DONE! YONAH'S JOURNAL! THIS JOURNAL! Well... “done” for now... - 22.12 FUCKING MOUSE! ON THE W/D PLATFORM! - Well... I'm off to the shower... then to Yonah's futon! -
OH! AN E-MAIL FROM MINDY CAME TODAY! More some-what personal info about her career and retirement and she says that she and Michael will be planning “road trips” in the coming weeks. She's truly sincere about returning the art-work! I'll have to keep copies of her correspondences... just as a “reminder” to me: there ARE SOME purely WONDERFUL people left in this old world... I NEED those reminders... more-so these days. - I'll be off to QI and back to Yonah's tonight... just in case I need to “toss a rodent”.
Wed.18.Aug: 10.39 WE got up at about 6.45 this morning... sadly, to empty traps. And I would have truly enjoyed just staying in bed for... perhaps days, yet. Rainy. Warm. Humid. Lovely. But I got up and right into the “morning routine”, including tossing some washing in the kitchen basin and JUST as I was about to begin with “Journals” (Yonah's in particular) I remembered that I wanted to “seal” the upper part of the kitchen counter! FUCK ME! So I DID get right to that... which screwed a good hour or more out of the day. I'm fed-up with this bull-shit! And when I see how the fucking kitchen window is installed, with a GAP under the sill... what fuckerie this place is put together under. And to think: this “landlord”... this “fucking landlord” is a “Contractor”! JEEZUS! The shit he must have created over his life-time! Anyway... the “sealing” is done, there. And I see that the mice have been in the drawers! Good thing I don't store cutlery in any of them! - Health note: Left ear was “swollen”, it feels like it's “filled with some sort of fluid”. I wonder if this new quack will even look on the 1st. (I'm not even expecting a civil examination, to be honest. More like being told to find another doctor... because of “masks” and “vax” and that fuckerie-bull-shit. We shall see when we see.) - In OTHER NEWS: YONAH CAME FROM HIS HOUSE, THROUGH THE KITCHEN AND TO THE PO WINDOW IN THE LIVING-ROOM THIS MORNING... LOOKING FOR ME! Photos, of course, were taken, and SMILES IN ABUNDANCE! WHAT A LOVE! WHAT A COMPLETE LOVE! - So now, I'm in his room and getting ready to hit the “chores” at hand. And he's on the wall shelf... and I'm more ready for a snooze. - 20.35 ALREADY! I'd posted on soc.med.: It time flies when you're having fun, I MUST be in some bliss that transcends Heaven because my “time” is CAREENING! - But I DID manage to get 5 days of “May” transcribed (just finished, as a matter of fact) for Yonah's Journal. And we were together for the entire day! YAY US! - There was nothing in today's post so that was a relief. - I DID manage to get the sketch that Moe did, printed... several times, as a matter of fact. I took a photo of it on the living-room wall and printed that. (There's a LOT of black ink in the printer... a whole new cartridge too, that arrived yesterday with the colour. But I'll have to run the black out before changing both...) Anyway, I also printed that photo of Yonah from December 2020. It turned-out nice, but I really would like some “photo paper”... and the “business card” image is really pretty. When I get a moment, I'll get back to working on that as well. - Tonight, I had a “swordfish steak” for “meal”. Not bad! Not “fishy” and quite “compact”. It's said that it resembles “beef” and that's why they're called “steaks”. Well... it was filling, and it's supposedly quite healthy. I believe there are 2 more in the package so, there's food... for a while. But tomorrow, I'm REALLY going to HAVE to get to the market. I don't want to go to town. I'd MUCH prefer going to Hannaford's but... food is a necessity and there's funds for it (thus far... I have to check the “status” of the re-cert too). Most of all, I don't want to leave Yonah... even more-so these days than ever before. But... we do what we must when we must for as long as we must and then we don't. - Anyway, at least I was breathing today. I noticed that the “congestion” is horrific in the morning and improves as the day goes on, as long as I keep moving about. Well... that's good news, I suppose. - OK. 20.46. Yonah is tucked-in for the night, the traps are set and I'll be in with Yonah again, tonight, to “see” how the kitchen-sealing works (or doesn't). I had my “pills” at 20.30 so I'm “up” for a bit. - It's HOT in here tonight, and getting humid! The next several nights are expected to be about 19° so that's nice... I dread what's to follow... come September. - On to Yonah's Journal now, QI, bed. Tomorrow? We'll deal with that when it gets here... if we're still here, and at the rate the political situation is in this shit-hole country these days... there's just no telling. (Hey... I'll be with Yonah... if “they” come to “take us out”... we'll go together!) - 23.37
Thu.19.Aug: 13.42 We woke at about 6.45... I got right into the morning routine and then... went directly to the “Journal transcribing”. SO “responsible”. And... things were rolling... AND YONAH HAS BEEN SO PLAYFUL ALL MORNING! WOOHOO! Sure, a distraction, but I LOVE IT WHEN HE'S LIKE THIS! Does my heart and soul so much good! - THEN, SOME TRASH BLONDE MORON CAME TO THE HOUSE AS I WAS TRYING FOR A 15-MINUTE SNOOZE AND PULLED THE FUCKING FRONT DOOR... BENT THE FUCKING EYE FOR THE LATCH! SO THERE'S NOW A FUCKING SIGN, IN “BLEEDING COWBOY” FONT: DO NOT PULL ON THE DOOR... PINNED TO A PIECE OF STYRO, ACROSS THE INSIDE! I SO WANT TO FUCKING THROAT-PUNCH SOMEBODY! I'M TRULY DISGUSTED WITH ALL OF THIS STUPIDITY, IGNORANCE, MORONIC BEHAVIOUR! FED-THE-FUCK-UP! HOW I WISH I COULD FIND SOME PLACE, REMOTE, AFFORDABLE. I'D FUCKING PACK AND GO FOR THE FULL “3-MONTH ALLOWANCE” ON “DEFAULT IN RENT” AT THIS POINT! FUCK! - Well then... I headed out, QUICKLY, for a “town run”... FamDoll, smokes, market for a DASH throught the aisles and BANG... OUT and back at the house! (Chicken is “marinating” in a bowl, on the counter. I'll toss all of them into the oven at about 15.00. 8 “meals” at once... just have to figure what goes with, but... there's FOOD in the house and smokes and I won't have to leave again for DAYS! That's good... almost GREAT! “Great” would be NEVER needing to leave the house... “Better” would be kicking arse of the shits who fucking pull the screen door. “Perfect” would be packing to leave to move the hell out of here.) - I'm tired. I'm fed-up. - Just tried to call the “NEAR”... Recording, of course. “We do NOT handle wild birds.” FUCK YOU! OK. Well, Yonah isn't “wild” any more AND I don't know that I want them for “shelter” for him. I just want a PERFECT DOCTOR for Yonah! Well... “Press 0” and... fucking voice-mail! What a bunch of shits! Oh well... we'll give another try at another time. But this does not bode well... But, I'm putting Yonah's doctor into the “TOP PRIORITY” for September's budget. The rest of the world can fuck itself. - And ALL DAY... RAIN RAIN and MORE RAIN! Thankfully, it's 24° in Yonah's room, and is supposed to be warm through... with... fucking rain though. - Anyway... so much for this break... back to WORK! - Yonah's “resting”... in the moss. The “Full Spec” light has been on all morning... since the sun won't co-operate. - 19.55 (!) Yonah's “May” Journal page is now on-line up through the 10th! YAY! - 21.14 WELL! Another day! - I DID get into town. I DID make the chicken I got today. 2 pieces baked, 2 pieces in that “Chicken and Rice” mushroom soup recipe. (But I don't think all the rice got properly cooked, oh well... I'll just have to “re-cook” it... I'll check tomorrow morning and see... I had half a breast tonight, with a LOT of veggies! My “diet” of late is predominantly “vegetables”... as if I'm making up for all the years, and they were MANY, of NO vegetables. Is it making me any healthier? I doubt it. But... it is what it is.) - Got a LOT of work done on the transcribing today, but, as I've noted in Yonah's journal, HE WAS SO PLAYFUL AGAIN TODAY... I probably could have gotten almost double the work done, had he not been flying about and all over the place and demanding play time. But you know? I WOULDN'T HAVE HAD IT ANY OTHER WAY! OH GODS! WHAT A BLESSING HE IS IN MY OTHER-WISE... well... I wouldn't be here typing this tonight, had it not been for him. I wouldn't even be a passing memory by this point. - And so... the day went along, ever so well... with one little exception:
THIS MORNING, JUST BEFORE THE PO CLOSED, SOME IN-BRED BLONDE HAG CAME TO THE FRONT DOOR, AND, AS THEY DO, IGNORING THE FUCKING SIGNS, GRABBED THE SCREEN DOOR AND PULLED AT IT SO HARD THAT NOW, IT DOESN'T OPEN OR CLOSE PROPERLY AGAIN! I may have mentioned this but it's STILL BURNING! OH! HOW I'D DELIGHT IN GIVING THESE SHIT-SACKS A THROAT-PUNCH! Oh well... more to support my determination to get the actual fuck out of here.
On that note... I've had the 20.00 pills. Yonah is tucked-in. I took his food out tonight, put and extra “cookie” in the metal trap. If these rodent shits want food, they'll have to go in there for it. And tonight? I'll be on the futon again... to be sure. So to that end... I must get to my QI and off. Tomorrow, I want to clean the house for the week-end... just because it's the week-end. - Oh... Sunday? 33 years... yahrtzeit. Shame, really, because as I've become so aware of the shit-show that she was, I can't really do the “proper mourning” thing for her any more. I still love her. I admire her for her accomplishments. She DID put up with a LOT of absolute HELL, and she DID do what she thought best for her children... THE OTHER THREE. ME? I GOT FUCKING BASHED, AND I SEE IT AS EQUAL TO THE FUCKING BASHING FROM THE OLD MAN... SHE LIED TO ME, USED ME AND YES, ABUSED. I WAS A DAMNED FOOL FOR SO MANY YEARS. WELL? WE LIVE, WE LEARN... I DISMISS. FUKKIT! - 23.22 to bed to bed to Yonah's futon at last!
| Tuesday, 24 August, 15.02 I've been SO busy, getting Yonah's Journal together these days that, from the 20th until today, all I've managed to do is jot notes on the days that passed! BUT... It's all been SO worth the effort because yesterday, 23rd, I finished the transcription of May's page, added photos and brought it all up to-date! AND, as noted now here, and already on his Journal, when I searched for “Yonah Taube” on the 4 “major search engines”... HE COMES UP FIRST! There are others, but HIS SITE IS FIRST! There's the reward for all the dedication. And they've been the most wonderful days, spent in his room... So, now, I'm going to try to catch-up with THIS Journal... It's sad, really, that, if I don't take notes, jot items, record something, somehow, I can forget entire days and any and most of the events, no matter how important or banal. Ah... “OLD”... and to think... 6 days more and... “OLDER”! SHIT! WHERE did all of these 66 years GO? Well, one thing is certain, as they passed, I changed... DRASTICALLY! I KNOW I'M INTOLERANT, MISERABLE, NASTY, BUT... what a difference from my “youth” when I SO DESIRED that people like me... Today? I just honestly don't give shits, fucks, cares... When I die, I don't need people to “come and mourn” or spew the “Such a good person” bull-shit. Fukkem! FUKKEM! FUKKEMALL! - Now... to the Journal... |
Fri.20.Aug: 20.58 Last night, I slept in Yonah's room again, on “Mouse Watch”... I'm growing quite sick of this shit! No matter what I do, they just keep coming in! And and 2.00 this morning... There was ANOTHER MOUSE in the “jug” trap! I woke because I had to pee and heard it! So before pee'ing, I got up and transferred it to the little cage I'd made as an extra trap. (It doesn't work as a trap, but, I put it, door-side down, on a styro tray, put a rock on top and put it in the kitchen basin... it keeps the little mouse there over-night.) - OK, re-set traps and such and back to “sleep” for a few more hours. This morning, first thing (round about 7.30-ish) I was out in the back, with cage in hand... but the little door opened some-how, at what used to be Joan's back garden, and the little thing HOPPED... LITERALLY HOPPED DIRECTLY TO A HOLE IN THE WALL OF THE GARAGE... AS IF HE KNEW EXACTLY WHERE TO GO! Oh well... he was caught and released, but now I STILL WANT TO KNOW HOW THEY'RE GETTING INTO THE HOUSE !!! - For the rest of the day, it was sunny and HOT! Météo claimed only 23, Humidex of 24, but it FELT like at least 28! And HUMID TOO! Imagine... all those years of thinking: if it ever gets too hot to survive in The City, I can always move... North. Well! THAT didn't quite work as planned... but then again, in my existence... - As the day passed, I didn't get much transcriptions done. I'd start, get tired, I ALWAYS get SO TIRED, on and off, ALL through a day, so I took too many “snoozes”. They're easier to take now, with the futon in Yonah's room. (As I was typing the old notes for his Journal, I was reading and remembering how I wanted to get a cot, just a cot, for his room. Ah... “futon”! SNOOZE!) - Came time for “meal”, I decided to check the chicken and rice I'd baked yesterday and, as I'd feared, NONE of the rice at the bottom was properly cooked. It was “browned” but not “cooked”, so I had to take it all out of the baking dish, scoop it into the large pot, added a bit of water and “re-cooked” it all. Had a little for meal this evening, not much, just a bit... at least it tastes good. - AND... AFTER “MEAL” THIS EVENING... I TOOK A HAIR-CUT! WITH THE NEW CLIPPER! The new Remington is almost like the old one, and it cuts only a little bit better, but it cuts, and I feel so much “cleaner”, and it's nice to know that the cut is proper instead of what-ever it may have looked like before which, I'm sure, wasn't “correct”... not that anybody would notice any more... since I'm always wearing a cap... I've come to THAT! OH, JUST FUCK ME! But... hair-cut done at last!! - As I was looking out the back door after, I saw that John O. had put a flag of some kind at the end of his drive. Sadly, as I sat on the front porch, I couldn't quite read it (my fucking eyes are so fucking bad any more). But I saw the word “Biden” on it and looked it up on-line, based on the colours. WELL!!! It was a “FUCK BIDEN” flag! I HAD to go over to shake his hand and thank him! And so I did! We had a GREAT chat! And his wife was out on the front porch there with us. Apparently, she's an expert marksman with a gun! They've had black bear in the yard... and... AND... I learnt that he's not terribly fond of his old man... seems he's quite very much like “my” old man... in most ways... all the “wrong” ways. Misogynist, quite rather bigoted. John says he doesn't have much to do with the old man. Oh well... BUT... when I told him that I'd wanted to put up my “Trump” flag but didn't want to cause “ripples in the waters” he said “You mustn't live like that, my friend. That's not the way we live.” He fought in, I'll suppose, the Middle East, since he's John's son and John's a few years my elder. And being in the gov. groups and such, well... he said he'd been watching the latest news on Afghanistan and said “I just had more than I can stand.” He's a matter of “I risked my life for your right to be free to express your opinions.” I appreciate that. It was refreshing to chat with him. - AND THEY'VE “ENCOUNTERED” Ms. VTrash NEXT DOOR. SAID BOTH, THEY'VE SAID HELLO TO HER AND SHE JUST LOOKS AT THEM AND GOES ON ABOUT HER BUSINESS. SHE'S NOT “LUVDID” ALREADY... AND I TOLD HER HOW MUCH I LIKE THOSE D's. GOOD! THAT MUCH IS ESTABLISHED. FUCK HER... NOT REALLY... LET HER ROT! - OK... So tonight, I have the box fan in Yonah's door, on the floor, to create a bit of a breeze, move the air about. It won't make the air cooler, but at least it won't let it go stagnant and hot and humid in there. - I ordered another bottle of vit.C from Costco. I have a whole bottle in the cup-board but am at the end of the one in the fridge and I don't DARE to run out! I didn't know how little I had in the fridge so this “timing” is PERFECT! Whew! - Have, I'm only just really noticing, felt quite “OK” all day, after the morning horrors of heavy-chested, “iron-strapped” until after coffee. Oddly enough, this evening, now, I'm beginning to feel “light-headed” again. Oh well... can't feel too good for too long too often... (I'm surious as to what this “doctor's visit” will be on the 1st. I don't expect anything... ANYTHING AT ALL, “positive”. I don't even expect to SEE a REAL doctor... probably another “fresh PA little lady”. Oh well... if it doesn't go well... I don't go back... I move on... if I have to go to Plattsburgh to find a civil, male MD... so be it. I now have a * 5-YEAR OBLIGATION * at minimum... I MUST KNOW what I MUST DO to keep that! (My little Yonah... my COMPANION!) - Well? Yonah's August Journal page is on the server and up and running tonight. It's late in the month and I want the site to be CURRENT... (Oh... MAY!) - It's time for some “QI” and a “wind-down”. I MUST shower tonight... hair-cut... itchy. - I'm hoping that running the box fan through the night will keep mice out of Yonah's room. I'll be sleeping there tonight anyway... an it'll probably be cooler than my bed-room... Oddly, the bed is made... has been since the linens were washed... and I haven't been in it. - Anyway... I'm going to try setting traps in the kitchen tonight. I see the mice in there so maybe they're coming into Yonah's room from there. There's NO “openings” in his room... Interesting... - 23.20 OFF TO BED AT LAST!
Sat.21.Aug: 21.36 AND... ANOTHER NIGHT IN YONAH'S ROOM... AND ANOTHER FUCKING MOUSE GOT INTO HIS FOOD DURING THE NIGHT!!! MOUSE SHIT IN HIS FOOD DISH!!! I'M FUCKING RIPPED!!! AND I WAS ON THE FUTON, HEAD AT THE WINDOW-END NEXT TO HIS HOUSE... ALL NIGHT... I HEARD NOTHING! I USUALLY HEAR THE “CLICKS” OF THE JUG-TRAP OR EVEN THAT OVER-PRICED WORTHLESS PIECE OF METAL SHIT! WHAT A WAY TO START A DAY.... THIS PISSED! I'm SERIOUSLY TEMPTED to just roll into town and get the “snap traps” at this point... SNAP! DEAD! GONE! (Only “tempted”... I still just do NOT want “death” of any sort in the house!) - Was VERY TIRED this morning too. Was up with foot contractions, once, last night. Left foot. And a loo trip. But... I was up and by 6.30 anyway... “Morning call”... LOVE THAT LITTLE YONAH! - It was another HOT... HUMID DAY... and we had only but a little rain which didn't really make things any better. - Met a couple “from the pond” today... “Franny and Larry”. Spoke with her for a while, and mostly about Yonah and mourning doves. They're a nice couple... they're at the pond during the Summer and then, for Winter, they go to their home in Lake George. I joked “Oh... another one who heads South for the Winter.” and she laughed and said “And that's as far South as I'll go!” Anyway, she was quite fascinated about Yonah's story. (Too bad I don't have his “biz cards” yet... I'll have to get to them... when-ever I get finished with his Journal!) - Speaking of which... I worked on his Journal for MOST of the day and completed and up-loaded “11-20 May” today! It's getting there... I just need to park my arse and work with sincerity and focus... “Focus”... now there's a thought! - “Lunch break” today... I took a limb from out back and “whittled” the bark off of it... as a “flag pole”. Sadly, it isn't perfectly straight, but its close enough... “Rustic”. The peeling was easier than I'd expected so now, I need to let it dry and then clip the little branches off... smooth it out... sand it. THEN figure how to put it up. There are more 2x4s in the garage... so I won't have to “afix to premises”. Am excited. Next little “project”... home-made flag pole... next... the “Conservative Patriot” flag goes up! Let them eat shit! - It's still incredible though, the changes over these past months... from my attitude in general to just me, in particular. WOW! To think of all those years of being so “introverted”, “afraid” of people, afraid of not being liked... and now... FUKKEM! - Well, tonight I'm still making notes in this Journal. I'm just too tired at the end of a day. I suppose it's because of all the typing all day. I AM keeping Yonah's Journal to-date though. But I'm going to have quite a bit of catch-up on my Journal if I don't get back to it. Oh well... At lest Yonah's Journal... his “web-presence” is current. That's important... more-so than mine. I mean... nobody sees mine... probably never will. Ah... alas... shit. - AND VTrash's SPORE CAME ROARING IN AT JUST ABOUT MEAL TIME THIS EVENING. IT MUST'VE PICKED-UP MAMA AND ROLLED AWAY. THEY JUST RETURNED... WITH A *THWACK* OF THE BLOODY SCREEN DOOR! AND I'D ALMOST SWEAR I JUST SMELLED CIGARETTE SMOKE TOO... I DON'T SEE A CAR IN THE DRIVE OUT-SIDE THE KITCHEN. I WONDER IF THE LITTLE TRASH-SACK DOESN'T PARK OVER BY THE GARAGE... “HIDING”. WHAT-EVER. IT'S MORE INCENTIVE TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLACE! I DO NOT APPRECIATE HAVING CIGARETTE SMOKE FILLING *MY* HOUSE AND THAT FUCKING MASS-HOLE WASTE SURELY ISN'T GOING TO “ROCK HER BOAT”... Ms. SPECIAL SHIT. THEY'RE BOTH “NEW ENGLANDERS”, BOTH OF IN-BREED MENTALITY... OH... AND HE'S GETTING MORE MONEY FROM HER SO I'M SURE I'LL HEAR ABOUT THAT TOO! FUCK THEM ALL! I'M DONE! EVEN IF IT MEANS JUST HOLDING RENT UNTIL JUST BEFORE THE “3-MONTH” DEAD-LINE... I DON'T GIVE A SHIT. AS SOON AS SOMETHING COMES AVAILABLE... YONAH AND I ARE ON THE ROAD! They don't speak to me anyway... and I don't speak with/to them either... Better that way... fucktards! - Well, it's getting LATE again... No matter how I try to get to bed by 22.00... it just doesn't seem to work out. I took my “pills” at 20.10. it's now 21.50... time for “QI” and then... OFF TO YONAH'S FOR THE NIGHT! HEY! HE HAS A BIGGER FAN AND BOTH WINDOWS ARE OPEN IN HIS ROOM! - There's a hurricane due to hit NYC and CT tomorrow... Tough shit for The City... BUT OH MY! POOR EV! SHE'S AT THE LAKE IN ALL THOSE TREES! I hope the brunt manages to “miss” her! -
***** ***** ***** OH! NOTE NOTE NOTE !!! TODAY, I FOUND “THE EVENING NEWS” WEDDING ANNOUNCEMENT FOR THE “PARENTS” !!! SHE LOOKS SO POMPOUS IN HER WEDDING PHOTO... ARSES THAT THEY WERE... BUT ***** ***** ***** IT LISTED THE ADDRESS OF THE FLAT THEY LIVED IN AFTER THE WEDDING... WHICH WOULD BE THE ONE I WAS “BORN INTO”... ***** ***** ***** OFFICIALLY, I WAS A RESIDENT OF *** CORNWALL-ON-HUDSON *** !!!!! WELL, INDEED, FUCK ME! (not that they didn't try). THE “SIBS” USED TO INSIST THAT THE HOSPITAL IS IN “CORNWALL” AND THAT I LIVED IN “CORNWALL” AND *NOT* “ON-HUDSON”! WELL! FUCKE THEM! AND NOW, NOW ONLY DO I HAVE THE PRINT TO PROVE, I ALSO HAVE THE ADDRESS AND LOOKED IT UP ON THE GGL MAP! A MULTI-DWELLING, LARGE, WHITE HOUSE! AND THE STREET IS SO “HISTORICAL” (HYSTERICAL THEN, I'M SURE). BUT THERE WE HAVE IT... ANOTHER PIECE OF MY OWN HISTORY. (I'LL HAVE TO ADD IT TO THE “DA” DATA... AND PHOTOS... AND NOW... I BELIEVE THAT MAKES THIS SHIT-HOLE THE 52nd PLACE I'VE RESIDED IN OVER MY LIFE-TIME. IT'S NO WONDER I'M TIRED, CRANKY! IT'S BEEN A FUCK-FEST OF AN EXISTENCE... and sadly, with that shit-sack next door... it continues... One of these days.... I just don't know.
Sun.22.Aug: YONAH'S WEB-SITE IS Nr.1 ON DUCKDUCKGO, GOOGLE, BING AND YAHOO!!!
14.19 just back from a run into town for smokes, came into Yonah's room to continue with the May Journal page, birdies on the iPod, fan running (28,4° in the room!) and I'd just put a little dish of sun-flower seeds and Tante Nancy's “treats” in for him... came to the table and started typing... Heard the FLUTTER but really paid no mind until.... TAP TAP ON MY RIGHT SHOULDER BLADE! HE'D COME TO THE BACK OF THE CHAIR AND... WELL... “TAP TAP HELLO?” HONESTLY... WHAT A WONDER WHAT A WONDERFUL WONDER! HONESTLY... TO THINK THAT ONLY ABOUT 11 MONTHS AGO, I SAT HERE, JUST PONDERING HAVING A LIE-DOWN AND “LETTING GO”... JUST LETTING GO! AND TODAY... A LITTLE MOURNING DOVE COMES TO ME TO SAY “HELLO”!!! OH HOW I JUST ADORE THIS LITTLE GUY! WE'VE BEEN THROUGH SOME HELL TOGETHER! I'M GOING TO DO ALL I NEED TO DO (short of being snipped and cut) TO MAKE SURE THAT I OUT-SURVIVE HIM... EVEN BY JUST MOMENTS, IF THAT'S HOW IT'S TO BE! I WANT TO MAKE SURE THAT HE'S ADORED ALL HIS LIFE! AND I DON'T TRUST ANYBODY ELSE, TO BE FRANK! LOVE HIM LOVE HIM LOOOOOOOOOOVE HIM!
17.16 CIGARETTE SMOKE IN THE HOUSE... THE QUNT'S LITTLE SHIT IS IN... I'M COMPOSTING A LETTER TO GO WITH RENT FOR SEPT... “FORMAL COMPLAINT”. I'll “ponder” it though because I'm SURE it will amount to nothing... that fuktard Mass-hole is worthless. WE, Yonah and I, just HAVE to get out of here! Then, New Russia can have their TRASH back... and return to the comfort of “classless”. - 20.06 House settled. Pills taken. THIS HOUSE STINKS OF CIGARETTE!!!! ... the VTrash's shit-sack is in! And again, no car in the back drive... fucking conniving, scheming little FUCK! I'm TIRED of this shit! Just fed-the-fuck-up! - MEAN-WHILE... I'm only up to 26 May on Yonah's journal. Worked, diligently, on it all day and only took one quick run to FamDoll for smokes! Other-wise, I've worked on it all day. - He's been doing well all day in spite of more heat and humidity. I don't know HOW he manages, but then, in the wild... Here, he has a fan to circulate the air, give a little “breeze”. Out there... he'd have the still, heat, humidity. AND... he has a POOL! His very own POOL where he can splash about... and with-out concern of being “attacked”! Woo-HOO (hoo-hoo-hoo, indeed.) LOVE! - I DID “plan/plane/scrape” the limb for the flagpole. I took one of my “breaks” from typing and meant to give it moments... but it was so thorough and relatively easy that I continued. It looks “rustic”, sadly not complete straight but it will suffice. Will have to work with it tomorrow.- Other-wise... Thankfully, uneventful day and I've been feeling much “better” of late.. in the chest and such. Mornings are a bit “thick” but then it clears and...
but pain in the left shoulder this evening... bursitis and rheumatism perhaps. Poor posture at typing. That could, very well be. - Now... QI, a tart and shower and another night with Yonah. I don't know for certain whether or not we had mice last night. I didn't see signs of any in Yonah's house but... I don't trust those little things. I also don't know how people can actually kill them. I mean, they're only trying to eat to survive, I understand that. Yes, they can carry all sorts of parasites and such, but to look at them, SO TINY, literally helpless and defenceless against a human! It just isn't “right”. Yes, I tired as all Hell of them, and were it not for Yonah, I'd probably just ignore them (or keep them as little pets?). But... I can't and WON'T just kill them! - MEAN-WHILE... the “Mass-hole” was supposed to be here this week... fucking LIAR, that one. If nothing else, I'm looking forward to approaching the matter of “peaceful enjoyment”... though, his rent will be later than usual again, come next month... with-in the “5-day grace” but... I have other things I'm focusing on and obviously, he's not “focusing” on me. He's had TWO years of EARLY rent. Fuck that shit. Unless he handles this nonsense from next-door, and I have NO cause to believe he will so... - OK... it's late, I have to make an entry on Yonah's journal and get me ready for BED... in his room again, tonight. - Closing note: Ah... 33 years ago today... Darling mother... how I SO wish you were here so I could tell you of how much wiser I've become about you and your fuckeries... but one day... perhaps, we shall “meet again”... beware. I'm no longer stupid.
Mon.23.Aug:
15.45 YONAH TAUBE'S JOURNAL IS COMPLETE, ON THE SERVER!
AND... AS OF 19.49, YONAH IS CURRENT... REALLY CURRENT (EXCEPT TONIGHT'S ENTRY). MAY JOURNAL PAGE IS COMPLETE, AT LONG LAST! IT WAS THE ONLY PAGE THAT WASN'T. AND ALL PHOTOS TO DATE ARE POSTED ON THE STATIC AND THE “SLIDE” PAGES! AND... SEARCH ENGINE IMAGES ARE INCLUDED! I WORKED ON IT ALL FOR THE WHOLE DAY! I SO DO LOVE HIM!!!!! MY LITTLE COMPANION, MY HEART, MY SOUL, MY SOLE REASON FOR EVEN BEING !!!!!
And in other “news”... ANOTHER Mouse released at the back property line this morning. As I stood in the back, looking at the compost, I saw it HOP to the garage. That's the SECOND one that went directly to the garage so now I can safely assume that's where they're “in residence”. This one showed in the “jug” at just about mid-night... about and hour after I'd just fallen asleep. It amazes me how I can hear a mouse jump in that jug... even in a deep sleep! My brain must be “tuned” to the sound of the little “metal door” in the trap, and the sound of “jumping”, which is what they do when they realise they're trapped. But I HAVE to note: it's sad to see them, in the morning, in the little cage. So docile, just “there”, making no motions, not even a sign of any “fear” of a human. As much as they anger and annoy me, I still can't understand the ability of some people to kill them. Even if they're coming back after “capture and release”, I just will NOT kill them! (OK. I'm soft... in the head, fine, so be it... but that's “me”... and I'm sticking with it.) - Today's other “big adventure”... Lost trucker... going to Mineville... from Kansas... GPS told him to take the Hill road! His truck was 40 tonnes... and the bridge holds only 10 tonnes! I was in the cellar (for a smoke-break) when I heard his brakes at the corner and when I came out, he waved to me, got out of the truck. Poor guy! He REALLY seemed lost! So I got the address of his destination and ran into the house to figure the best way for him to get to Mineville... I had a good idea, but wanted to be sure, considering his truck. Well, it was funny (to me, anyway) because he asked if it would be OK to park the truck in front of the house “for a couple of minutes”. I said he could park there for a couple of weeks! WELL... THE LENGTH OF THE TRUCK COVERED THE ENTIRE FRONT OF THE PO AND THE HOUSE! When I walked back out the door and saw it I almost laughed aloud! And the idiot carrier was stuck in the drive... serves the old thing right. Anyway, I DID manage to get good directions, he checked on the “map” on his phone and... well... he was off... with sincere thanks. Poor guy! But I STILL can't get over my timing! Imagine! I'd dropped into the cellar primarily for some reason to have a smoke! “Cigarette smoking was good for his health and well-being”! So there! - Saw Nancy this morning. She wasn't all “too warm” but I don't give a shit. Although she did invite me to dine. (“We're having michigans.” Her and her “michigans”. I'll have to look them up... WHAT? I suspect it's hot dogs...) The Brady's across the road will be there. (I'm thinking she asked Sean to “finish the work” on the “electric fence”. FUKDAT. I told her I was busy tonight. She called, from across the road “What are you so busy doing?” so I YELLED BACK (from the front door) “Packing to move!” “You're kidding! Are you kidding?” she called back... I gave no answer, just came into the house. GOOD! I hope ALL of New Russia heard me and those that didn't, I hope they hear by tomorrow. (I don't doubt they will... the door to the PO was wide open... FUKKEM! FUKKEMALL!) And now I'm waiting for the Fuckinglandlord to “inquire”... OH MY! - BAD NEWS: vits cancelled! “Trouble with the card” they claim even though the debit was posted as “PreAuth”. NOW I'm wondering... didn't get notice until after 16.00! “Chatted”, on-line with “Darius” who explained nothing other than what I knew already. Now, tomorrow, I have to call the banque! If it's “address” again... I'll strip a cog! ANOTHER thorn in the eye with this shit-hole... FUCKINGLANDLORD needs to address this calamity. But... he doesn't have the balls... besides, it doesn't effect him so... fucking shit. - Well, at end of night... another day, another day. BUUuuuuutttttt.....
YONAH TAUBE'S JOURNAL IS COMPLETE, ON THE SERVER! COMPLETE ! AND NUMBER ONE ON SEARCH ENGINES ! LITTLE CELEB !!! I *LOVE* HIM !!!!!
Now... let's see how many, if any mice we get tonight. I've already seen one... on the damned “W/D” platform again! HOW? WHERE? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?
| Tuesday, 24 August, 18.43 CAUGHT-UP (again)... so on we go... WHEW! |
Tue.24.Aug: 11.58 WHAT A FUCKING DAY ALREADY!!! HOT! HUMID! AND... FOR STARTERS, A MOUSE IN THE JUG AT ABOUT 4.00 THIS MORNING! I was on Yonah's futon by about mid-night so I was quiet asleep when the sound of “jumping” woke me. I still rather marvel that, even in my sleep, I hear it! Anyway, I got up, brought the jug to the kitchen, transferred the little one to the little cage, got it all into the basin, as is usual, re-set the jug trap, and got back on the futon... well, for the next 2,5 hours when... “Hello?” “Morning call.” (I'd heard the 6.00 alarm and the 6.30 alarm but... they're “ahead of time” and I was TIRED. HAHAHAH!) Up and about... “morning routine”, and a little fur-ball looking at me from that cage. Again... yes... I'm annoyed, I was tired, but... when I got all my “routine” done, including “water changes” (NOTHING comes before Yonah!) I brought the little one out, across the road, to the park. I was going to release him into the “woods” but the little door opened too soon and he plopped out just before... BUT... HE HOPPED BACK TOWARD THE HOUSE! THE LITTLE SHIT KNOWS WHERE HE IS! I'm HOT on Yonah being “sentient”... and other little ones too, but THIS just PROVES... THEY KNOW, THEY UNDERSTAND, THEY RECOGNISE! Trouble is... they come into the house because... well... to survive! It's annoying, to me... but, I CAN'T begrudge them and I WON'T kill them for it. (Hell! They're more intelligent, better evolved than humans! And the politics of today PROVE THAT, beyond ANY doubt!) - WELL... I came back into the house, determined to check that over-head “cubby” in the kitchen where the cleaning stuff is stored. It's really the ONLY place I haven't checked in all this time... AH... the beginning of the end of my day! I got up on a chair, emptied the space out and SURE AS FUCKING SHIT-HELL... SPACES! SPACES THAT OPEN TO SPACES IN THE WALLS! A HOLE, IN THE BACK, THAT GOES INTO SOME WOOD AND PROBABLY THROUGH TO NEXT DOOR... DARK, FILTHY... AND... ***** STUFFED WITH A SPRAY CAP FROM SOMETHING THAT APPEARS TO HAVE BEEN A COSMETIC OF SOME KIND! ***** WHO? WHAT? THE FUCK? AND THAT WAS TAPED-OVER WITH DUCT TAPE! BUT... THE BACK OF THAT CUBBY IS MULTIPLE PIECES OF WOOD SO UNDER THE HOLE... A GAP BETWEEN BOARDS! IN THE BACK CORNERS? SEMI-TAPED... SPACES BETWEEN BOARDS! THE HOLE FUCKING THING WAS SLAPPED TOGETHER! AND ALL I KEEP THINKING IS “MASS-HOLE IS A 'CONTRACTOR'! THIS FUCKING EXPLAINS WHY THE WATER SITUATION IS SO FUCKED! HE'S FUCKING CLUELESS! AND NOW, I WONDER ABOUT WHEN HE SAID THAT HE'D 'BUILT' THE WALLS IN THIS PLACE, PULLED THE WALLS IN THE KITCHEN AND SAID 'THEY WEREN'T WEIGHT-BEARING.' FUCK HIM! HE WOULDN'T KNOW 'WEIGHT-BEARING WALLS FROM WEIGHT-BEARING LEGS'! FUCK!!! THEN... I TOOK A QUICK LOO BREAK... AND AS I'M SITTING ON THE CARSIE... IN THE LITTLE HALL OUT-SIDE THE LOO... 7.30... ANOTHER FUCKING MOUSE! YEAH... I WAS INTO GETTING THAT CUBBY SEALED TODAY!!! SO... out to the garage for the old wooden ladder and back into the house. TAPE! TAPE AND MORE TAPE! I'M COMPLETE OUT OF DUCT TAPE NOW... BOTH BLACK AND WHITE! AND WHAT A FUCKING PAIN IT WAS TO DO THAT LITTLE SPACE. AND AT ONE POINT, THE FUCKING LADDER STARTED TO TILT AND I LEANED FORWARD INTO THE CUBBY AND PULLED SOMETHING IN THE LEFT SIDE OF MY CHEST! ALL I COULD THINK OF IS: “SOMEBODY CALL 911, A BUILDING INSPECTOR AND A LAWYER! I'M ABOUT TO OWN THIS SHIT BOX!” I WAS TIRED, SWEATING HORRIBLY... AND DETERMINED TO FINISH THE JOB... AND... FOR ALL INTENT AND PURPOSE... I DID! NOW... TO SEE WHAT WE SEE TONIGHT! IF THERE'S ANOTHER MOUSE... THERE'S THE VANITY IN THE LOO AND THAT WILL BE OUT-RIGHT ATTACKED! IT'S NOT SO MUCH ABOUT THE MICE, REALLY... IT'S ABOUT MICE BRINGING PARASITES INTO YONAH AND THAT THEY SHIT IN HIS FOOD! IF HE EATS THAT... I'LL HAVE TO BURN THIS BOX TO THE GROUND! (YEAH... MY EVERYTHING IS SHOT, FRAZZLED BEYOND REPAIR.) AND TODAY DIDN'T MAKE ANY OF IT ANY BETTER. SO... WE'LL SEE WHAT WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH TONIGHT... THE WORLD HAD BETTER HOPE... THERE'S NOTHING! - SO when that was done... I HAD to Hoover AND WASH the carpet runner because there was garage mud on the ladder and it got ground in! Oh well... It's been a FUCKING FUCK OF A FUCKED MORNING... BUT... productive. - 19.07 The day is done... MY Journal is caught-up again, at last! This morning's SHIT-SHOW is documented (for all the fucking good it does...) - I spoke with the banque this morning... They saw NOTHING wrong with my original Costco order... BUT it was reversed. Costco cancelled it... it had NOTHING to do with the banque! So, let's just see what kind of shit they pull with this new order. Thus far... it's fine. - AS I WAS SITTING AT TABLE HAVING LUNCH TODAY... SOME BLONDE ARSE CAME UP TO THE DOOR, DIDN'T KNOCK, REACHED FOR THE HANDLE OF THE SCREEN DOOR, STARTED TO PULL IT, NOTICED THE SIGN AND JUST WALKED AWAY! THE FUCKING NERVE OF SOME SHIT-SACKS! HONESTLY, I WAS TO TEMPTED TO GO AFTER HER BUT... SHE DIDN'T PULL THE DOOR SO I JUST SAT THERE, WATCHED THE NEWS, ATE AND... went into Yonah's room to take a snooze for 20 minutes... then... back to “catch-up” with my Journal. Nothing much else done for the rest of the day... IT WAS TOO HOT! I ought to go to market but... I was thinking of going this evening but... no... first thing tomorrow... perhaps... it's supposed to be 30 again... hopefully I'll get out before the heat gets here. (And the lawn could use a mow... but... NOT in 30° weather... AND, this time, I'm NOT mowing the back AT the house. Ms. VTrash wants to “own” a bit of the property? Let her hit it with her “wacker”. Fuck. - Now, meal's done. It's 19.24 and official sun-set is at 19.44. 19.44! It was only just a week ago (it seems) when it was at 20.44! Time is going by TOO FUCKING FAST! - Meal was turkey franks... ick! I ate tonight only because I actually must. The heat! - OH! JOHN'S FLAG IS BACK UP THIS EVENING! I MUST GET TO PUT MINE UP! There are 2x4s in the garage... perhaps tomorrow's “project”... AND THERE ARE 4X4s TOO! KITCHEN TABLE FROM PALLET? Perhaps. - Well, Yonah's just had dinner... and it's getting dark in the room. I'm just in from a smoke... time to change waters... - I'm looking forward to seeing if there are any mice in the kitchen again tonight. I'll be sleeping with Yonah again tonight... it's supposed to be about 18° for a brief while over-night... and I want to be SURE there are NO MICE in his house! - He's in his door-way. He's been a LOVE all day but this evening, he's being “Love me. Don't touch me.” again... BUT I LOVE HIM NO MATTER WHAT! I DO! I DO! I SO VERY MUCH DO! - 20.27... Yonah is tucked-in for the night. It's still almost brutally hot and humid in the house, but the box fan is on in his room, on the floor, tilted to the ceiling... circulating the air... My Journal is current. HIS Journal is current. “Life” for the both of us is current. And I've had “night pills”... will have to have a bit of ice cream tonight because we're out of “tarts” and fruits... Tomorrow... - And so, I'm at the kitchen table, having “taken position” to watch for “Mouses in the Houses”, “Mice in the hise”... and the traps are set, just in case anyway... but those don't go “active” until after we're all settled and sleeping so... THERE BETTER NOT BE ANY MOUSES IN THIS HOUSES TONIGHT! IF THERE ARE... IT HAS TO BE THE LOO... THE VANITY... AND I'M NOT ABOVE, BENEATH OR BEYOND TEARING THAT SHIT OUT! AND... I WILL GET ANOTHER CAN OF THAT “FOAMY INSULATION” AND SEAL THE DAMNED SHOWER STALL TO THE STRUCTURE! I'm at “Declared WAR”... not necessarily with the mice... more with the “Mass-hole”! - ANYWAY... we'll see... - It's supposed to drop to about 18°, briefly, tonight... I'll be in with Yonah anyway. That's not “cold” at all and it's only briefly before it all re-heats to head to 30 again tomorrow... a nice night for a nice sleep... let's just hope. - Now.. time to get these Journals on-line, have a “QI”, a shower and... BED! I'm tired... and my left elbow is sore as is my chest... This shit-hole... I tellya. - 20.55 All up-dated... CURRENT... AT LAST... ALL...! (though I do want to add the “wedding shit”... later) - 22.25 MOUSE... walked across the counter, behind the kitchen basin, went into the stove... at about 21.30! I turned the oven on to chase it out. It didn't come. Now I'm wondering... Because it was relatively slow, as are the mice caught at night when I see them in the morning, was this the one I saw this morning? Did I seal its exit and it got trapped in the house? Well... let's see if it shows up in a trap over night... Poor thing. - I'm off... shower... bed. 17° for an hour early tomorrow... otherwise 18... nice.
Wed.25.Aug: 20.06 It's been just about non-stop all day today, from about 6.15 when I woke to “the call” and, opening my eyes, looked up to see Yonah, staring down at me from his little shelf where his food should have been! Of course, last night, again, I had to take it out... after seeing that mouse on the kitchen basin! BUT... on that matter, there were NONE in his room... ALL NIGHT... well... none that woke either of us through the night! So, I jumped up, got his breakfast and got to the “morning routine”... coffee, water changes, house-tidying... serving breakfast to the birds in the back yard. And by the time I'd done with all of that, and attended to the rest of e-mails and the “internet” part of a morning, I decided... it was time to head to town! So I put my shoes on, grabbed the truck keys and headed off, up the road... - A stop at FamDoll... I HAD to stop there because I NEEDED MORE TAPE for the little spaces that I'd obviously over-looked where the kitchen window doesn't meet the kitchen wall. (I STILL say: and this house was “slopped together by a self-proclaimed “contractor”! WHAT A CROCK OF USELESS SHIT! If open pits of liquid manure could be more putrid... they'd be this Mass-hole. To be sure.) So, another roll of black, and a roll of white. Becky's back at work after her “surgery” of early Summer and she asked “So... what're you doing with all this tape?” I told her, sparing little-to-no detail, and my “editorial opinion”. Fukkit! - And so then it was up to the market for provisions where, at the cashe, Richie was right behind me, all friendly and such. As I was leaving he said “Take it easy.” I said “I'll be seeing you soon.” To which he replied “I'll be there when you get there.” (I need to budget this in... the truck is “bouncy” and I'm dreading that it's something with the engine! I HOPE NOT! But... with my “fortune”... I NEED to budget this in! Some-how.) - Oh and... another 20 gallons of propane arrived this morning. Below the 60$ I thought I'd have to budget in... about 51 and small change. That's nice... but, I pulled it out of the budget already so... it's going to be MISERABLY CLOSE... the 3rd is the 10th day! (Or the 11th... but I'll swing it... again. I just can't care, really. And if I owe more, I'm sure they'll let me know... I'm SURE of that!) - FINE... roll home, put the groceries up... I had my shoes on and it was already, just past 11.00... getting HOT and the HUMIDITY was rolling in... OUT THE DOOR, DOWN THE ROAD... OFF TO GET FRESH MOSS FOR YONAH! - THAT was something! The ferns in the “bog” have grown up to my arm-pits in height, so navigating was interesting... Not to mention the dampness in the woods... and the humidity... the heat... THE MOSQUITOES! BUT... I DID manage to find and get a rather nice little “rug” of good moss, tossed it into the bag and headed back to the house, via the “Bishop” road... looking for pine needles, which I'm trying to “work into” Yonah's house... for the Autumn and Winter this year... more “out-doors-in-doors” for him. I'll have to figure the kitchen roll replacements with those, but I'm sure WE'll come up with something! Anyway, I put the moss through 10 basins of clear, running tap water to “clean” it, then set it in the basin to drain. Onto the cookie sheet and into the sun for about an hour... a couple of good shakes and beatings... it's now on the cookie sheet, on the drying rack in the kitchen... TOMORROW... COMPLETE HOUSE-CLEANING FOR YONAH! - By the time that was all done... I was exhausted! SO... it was into Yonah's room for a 30-minute lie-down which was actually about 20 minutes... I'd no sooner gotten to the futon when he came FLYING down from his house... onto my leg! HE WANTS TO SNOOZE WITH ME NOW! I'M STILL IN AWE AT HOW CLOSE AND COMFORTABLE WITH ME HE IS... AND HOW WE “WANTS” TO BE WITH ME! (Noted on HIS Journal page today... of course.) So, I dozed-off for a brief while and when I woke, he was still on the futon with me and sensed that I was awake... hopped onto my leg and started walking up toward my arm! So we had “play time” and I got up... - Not sure why, but I got a jolt of some kind of energy... and grabbed some old stakes form the back gallery and the saw, some screws... I've “reinforced” under the “serving tray” for the birds in the back... I've wanted to do that for the longest while and now it's done. Nothing spectacular... but it serves the purpose... AND... I WENT RUMMAGING IN THE GARAGE... PULLED TWO 4x4s (KITCHEN TABLE!) AND 2 2x4s... FLAG POLE! I'm at “FUKKIT! I can use the lumber... it's here... nobody respects MY rights to privacy and such between pulling the front door apart, rolling through the drive... and as far as “resepct” from the Mass-hole? Well... tomorrow... should I have any energy left after Yonah's house-keeping... FLAG POLE! At the very least... and I'll measure and plot the pallet kitchen table... I''ll need a “top” over the pallet, but... I'll think of something... then I can get rid of this... the “borrowed” table... eventually get 2 more proper chairs and... FUCK the rest! - Well, that done and said and done... it was suddenly “meal” time and again... 4 nasty turkey franks... ice cream after... and by then... it was already beginning to turn “evening”! The sun is setting OBVIOUSLY earlier these days! It saddens me, as I've noted on Yonah's Journal page... our days grow shorter... he goes to sleep with the sun-set... so we'll have fewer hours in a day. And it's bringing to mind last Winter with him... those were oppressive days... of worry, mostly, about him, his survival... and mine. And we're approaching our first YEAR together! KRISTE! THAT time went by quickly. - And I'm having another one of “those” days where I'm concerned about living long enough to be with him... Honestly, it's my hope and wish that he “pre-deceaces” me... It's going to be PAINFUL... but not for long... if what I believe is going on with me is... because, the moment he's no longer... I'm just going to drop all the efforts... that'll be my time to just go to bed... and wait... and hope I wont' wait long. And if there's any sort of truth to the bull-shit about “here-after”, I know Yonah and I will meet again... one way or another. - That said... I've had my evening pills. No word on the new order of vits. (yet). - Yonah is tucked-in. The futon is set for me for another night together. I need a shower. - All day I've thought it was Thursday and tomorrow is Friday and I'd mow the lawn because Friday's high temperature is expected to be only 24... AH... NOPE... today is Wednesday.. .Thursday's high... 30-fucking-3! AND... chance of storms! YAY! No lawn! Maybe I'll just make the damned flag pole! IF I have any energy after house-cleaning. - But now... off to QI. I want to get to bed at an earlier hour than mid-night... AND I keep looking... to see if there are any mice tonight. OH... the traps are set... but I'm hopeful. (Yeah... hopeful... in these time when “Hope”, on a global scale, is being beaten, mercilessly... It's a grand time to be old... and not afraid of death... so long as it doesn't come before it comes for Yonah...) - 21.05 JUST SETTLING, GETTING ICE CREAM... A MOUSE! FROM UNDER THE STOVE! THEY MUST BE IN THE FUKCKING STOVE! I'M PISSED THE FUCK OFF NOW!!!! SPRAYED PEPPERMINT OIL TO TRAP THE SHIT IN THERE! OH... TOMORROW... ANOTHER DAY FUCKED! - 22.02 Haven't seen the mouse again... how-ever, the fucking floor under and around the stove is now covered in peppermint oil... Charming. Well? I thought I would “release” a mouse tonight, if there is to be one, out the back door... but at this rate... well... looking at taking the fucking stove apart isn't making me too “kind”. I'm RIPPING PISSED ABOUT THIS! FUCKING SHIT! THERE AREN'T ANY OPENINGS... EXCEPT... some-where, perhaps... under the vanity in the loo... but even the holes for the plumbing on that have been filled with insulation! I don't understand it! But, I'm not going to give up either... Yonah's food is at stake! - Well... so much for a sleepful night ahead... I'm off to the shower. I NEED one tonight... to be sure.
Thu.26.Aug: 11.21 UP at about 6.15-ish... AND... ON THE MOVE! Grabbed coffee, checked the soc.meds., a sit on the loo and... by 7.00... clothes in the basin... soak, wash, hang... and, mean-while... YONAH'S HOUSE! EVERY-THING got pulled out today, including the lower tray... and washed. The pump and tubing got flushed with vinegar, the pool got scrubbed, the new moss is in, fresh sand in the trays... EVERY-THING... new kitchen towelling installed... The WHOLE place is fresh... FRESH! And I'm only JUST getting done! Except for the sand that I've decided to re-sanitise... the “gritty” sand. (And I have to get to the river for more sand, over-all! BUT NOT TODAY!) Météo says 30/34° and 67% humidity... but if feels more like 40/40° and 98% humidity! 33/38° is expected at 16.00! At 6.00 tomorrow... 18/18° but... still 22/22° at 23.00 tonight! WOW! Still 24° for tomorrow.. 21 on Saturday. HOT! - And mean-while now... I'm looking at taking the stove apart! OH well... I NEED TO KNOW whether or not there are mice in the stove. And when done... I'll be cranking it to 400°F to “bake the sand” anyway... so... OFF WE GO! - Yonah seems to like the new moss though... all fluffy, puffy, soft and fresh. (Just hope there's “nothing in it”... And I want to figure a little “nesting” with the old moss... We shall see where I get when I get done... - (A touch “heavy” in the chest today too... This morning, small, slightly greenish-brownish “clots” again. BUT... we slept through the night! So that's good... and probably why the congestion this morning... I wasn't “up and about” through the night”. Still... I wake wanting more sleep, and I was ON the futon by... oh, I believe 23.30 latest. Alas... we shall see what this is all about... next Wednesday... SHIT!) - I'm all “off” on days and dates... I MUST remember to send the rent cheque... from where, is the question... Fuktard Mass-hole!) - Last night I was thinking:
I SO MISS THE CITY PRE-WAR BUILDINGS... REAL BATH TUBS, DEEP DOUBLE KITCHEN BASINS, HIGH CEILINGS, WOOD FLOORS... LARGE ROOMS... BUT... I “glanced” an image of Norwood yesterday... Nicky's is now a “pet store”, the streets are depressingly filthy... * AND * ALMOST THE ENTIRE BLOCK BETWEEN BAINBRIDGE AND 206TH IS THAT “MUSLIM CENTRE”!!!! THEY DESTROYED THE OLD HOUSES, PUT UP A BRICK “BLOCK” AND... I WANT TO VOMIT! As I thought: THERE TRULY IS * NO * “GOING BACK”... THERE TRULY IS * NO * “BACK” TO GO TO! MY LITTLE “HOME-TOWN” NO LONGER EXISTS... SADLY, IT'S WORSE THAN THOSE LITTLE HAMLETS IN THE WOODS IN THE SHAWANGUNKS THAT ARE NOTHING BUT OLD STONE WALLS THAT USED TO BE THE FOUNDATIONS OF HOMES... OR... THE “REMNANTS” OF THE HAMLET OF “ASHOKAN”... UNDER THE RESERVOIR. NORWOOD HAS BECOME “HELL ON EARTH”... THERE'S NO DIRECTION TO MOVE IN NOW OTHER THAN... FORWARD. - OK... enough of this... I need to get back to the “responsibilities”. Thankfully, the post box was empty. (But the e-mail box has “bills”... Gotta be fucked one way or the other.) - 12.27 Took the back off the stove... ONLY the panel because, well... there's insulation IN the fucking thing AND... MOUSE DROPPINGS, SEEDS AND I DIDN'T BOTHER TO GO ANY FARTHER. AND NOW... I HAVE A BOWL OF SAND IN THE OVEN... 450°F... AND IT STINKS! LIKE OLD GREASE! BUT... IF THERE ARE ANY MICE IN THERE, IN THIS HEAT AND THAT... HOPEFULLY, TONIGHT... NO MICE IN THE HISE! - Break time! I've taken mid-days... finishing MORNING coffee... that's all. - 19.34 Nothing... after all the work of this morning... nothing more got done. I've been up, save a 10-minute lie-down... but nothing... -
AH AND OH AND BUT.... I WAS IN THE BED-ROOM TODAY... BLOODY-FUCKING SEED SHELLS AT THE FOOT OF THE BED, ON THE HUDSON BAY! BLOODY-FUCKING SEED SHELLS! AND IN THE “GOODWILL BOOTS”, THE “ZIPS”... IN THE LEFT BOOT, WHAT AMOUNTED TO ALMOST A DAY'S EATING FRO YONAH... WHOLE SEEDS! HIS SEEDS!!! IN THE BOOT! YEAH? WELL... AS I TYPE, YONAH'S SAND IS BACK IN THE OVEN FOR ANOTHER GO-ROUND AT 450°, THE METAL TRAP IS SET AT THE OVEN AND NOW... NOW I'M NOT IN IT FOR THE “HEART”... I'M IN IT FOR THE “END”!!! AND IF THERE ARE ANY MICE IN THE STOVE RIGHT NOW... FINE! I DON'T CARE ANY MORE! IN THE SHOES? ON THE EXTRA “TOP SHELF” IN THE BED-ROOM? ON THE BLOODY-FUCKING BED? OK! THAT'S THE END! THEY HAVE TO GO AND IF IT MEANS SNAP-TRAPS... WELL... AS DEBORAH SAID: WHEN THEY GOT INTO THE POCKETS OF HER SWEATERS... THAT'S WHEN SHE LOST “COMPASSION”. NOW THEY'RE IN MY CLOTHES... AND THANKFULLY, THEY DIDN'T CHEW THE HUDSON BAY! BUT... THEY'RE GONE... ANYTHING SHORT OF POISON... AND EVEN THAT'S A “CONSIDERATION”! NO MORE OF THIS “THEY'RE ONLY TRYING TO EAT”! EAT ELSE-WHERE! OR... “BE EATEN”... OR, IF THEY'RE IN THE STOVE... BE BAKED! I'VE REACHED THE END! *** THE *** FUCKING *** END !!!
I'm wondering if that slob next door in the PO isn't keeping “snacks” in the office! Ah... I'll have to make mention... to the “FuckinigLandlord, Mr. Mass-hole”... “Mention”, because it won't do any good... Oh... one day... a little place with a yard, off the main, where Yonah and I can take care of our own together, in peace. One day... OH SOON... PLEASE! (Deb said “It's out there... you just have to wait.” She was right about the truck...) - Yonah's waters have been changed. His house is still neat and tidy! Poor guy! I didn't get to spend much time with him again today. And tonight... that “odd, black feather” is back! JEEZUS! In this heat! Well... his house is clean, waters are fresh, and tonight's supposed to be miserable hot... but tomorrow... 24°. Let's just hope. - I'm just waiting to take my pills, see some QI, take a shower... get to bed... AND... GRAB AS MANY MICE AS THERE ARE IN THIS HOUSE... TONIGHT... AT ONCE AND FOR ALL! - 20.46 Yonah is tucked-in, his Journal entry for today is done... on the lap-top. - I put his sand through another 450°... mostly to heat the oven... in case there's a fucking rodent in there! I'm setting the metal trap in my bed-room tonight! And tomorrow... IF I SEE ANOTHER MOUSE TONIGHT... SNAP TRAPS! The budget is almost to nothing, but... this is WAR! - I'm suddenly not feeling very well... another “head trip” is coming. It's been good all day... in spite of the heat and humidity. I wonder... But I have take the 2 Cs and the naproxen... I have to eat a little something... then QI, then shower, then BED/FUTON! I'll be in Yonah's room again, tonight. Let's see if we “catch” anything this time around... I'm pissed! - OH... the Costco order has a UPS Tracking nr. tonight. Hasn't gone to UPS yet... The expected delivery WAS for tomorrow but... that ain't happenin' now. Monday soonest. - I don't know why, but September's budget has had me “heavy”... but I did the “forecast” today... it's the usual bills, nothing “new”... save, perhaps... heating oil? But it's fine! (Just that the rent won't go out until next week... fukkit.) - Anyway... time to get something in this stomach, hope it settles... and I'm smoking entirely too much these days!... The heat! I need to stop it! Oh well... we'll see what's what... Wednesday... Shit!
Fri.27.Aug: 8.11 Was showered and on the futon by some time round 23.00, perhaps just before, last night... and fell almost right to sleep... AND... slept through the night, woke at about 5.00 and dozed until the 6.00 alarm... no “woo-hoo” when I woke though. Yonah was awake, but... - And, as of now, have done the water changes, served breakfast, Yonah is on the shelves, the front hummie-feeder has been refreshed, I've had “morning loo” and am on 2nd coffee... It's beautifully COOL this morning and the morning clouds are clearing from the skies and the sun is (at last) shining. And there's a delightful breeze... gentle, Northerly... what I remember “August”, in the North, to be. And I'm pondering the budget for September, and pondering a bit of “shopping” for a flag pole (or making one), mowing the lawn (at about 10.00) and going back to bed. It's disgusting, how, a mere 2 hours after waking from what should be a “good night's sleep”, I'm almost painfully exhausted already. I've pain in the left arm, the left elbow is still quite painful and I'm concerned about another “cyst” and the swelling and having to “drain” again (“drawing salve” and such... like the early days of “Chemical”... oh, those days...). I suppose next Wednesday is weighing on the unconscious as well. This morning I think: There's something causing this fatigue, I believe it's mostly “mental”... What I need to do is figure out the cause and address that. Ah... I ponder... and I want to take a “snooze”. And my left ear was “full”, “thick” again this morning. “Brain tumour”? WHAT? I've NO confidence that ANYthing will be so much as “investigated” by the “good doctor” come Wednesday... just more money somebody's going to pull from me. BUT... it's a lovely morning... let's see how the world will fuck it up. - Oh... and there's a little “shopping” that ought to be done today... “going into town”... and THAT REALLY pisses me off anyway. “People”... shit. - 20.53 WELL!!! LAWN GOT MOWED! THE DEAD STEMS ON THE LILIES GOT PULLED! AND THE “TRIMMING” WITH THE HAND-CLIPPERS GOT DONE! (I didn't mow the little section by Nr.5... I didn't want to be arsed with the mower up there... nor with the mowing around all the shit... but for the most part... all looks quite nice, indeed... anybody doesn't like? FUKKEM!) Interestingly, I started at about 10.00 with the lilies, then the trimming in the front... even with the PO open and people coming and going... and none of them speaking to me... and I'm thankful for that. Started at about 10.00... and was back in the house at about 12.18! DONE! Oh... also re-washed the jeans and washed the scrubs. Not bad for a morning. - And this evening... had a chat with VTrash... One comment: as we talked, a car that resembled her daughter's came down the main. In a bit of a “panic tone” she said “I thought it was my daughter... BUT IT ISN'T... thank god!” I wonder why.... Anyway, we “chatted” our usual couple of hours... I'm still not sure why. BUT SHE SAID SHE'S BEEN IN AND OUT OF HOSPITAL (“tests”) this week. Oh my... it must be this house! But all is quite “well” at the “home” - FUNNY... ALVIN CAME OUT AND MOWED HIS LAWN THIS EVENING! NOW... THAT'S A SWITCH! USUALLY I FOLLOW HIM WITH THE MOWING! (But I see Vivian is back from where-ever so he's probably getting away...) - And so... in other news, Yonah's day has been journalled on Yonah's Journal... PRECIOUS BABE! And his sand got 2 more “450s” today in addition to a boiling water. - I'm trying a “new” approach with the “jug trap” tonight... using the “spout” as the “entrance”. I didn't get to the store for the “snap trap” but I might on Sunday... I'm not being “kind” any more... I'll have to see the cost. I want a flag pole... and I have to paint another 2x4 for it... the accounts are LOW but... we shall see. - Anyway... for the first time today, I'm feeling the “WOOZY” as I sit here... at 21.03... and I've taken pills... want a quick bite (probably peaches) and I MUST TO MUST SHOWER BEFORE BED TONIGHT... I'M ICK FROM SCHWITZING! - But... at least I got my exercise today... I'm “feeling” it... good in the chest, light in the head, but it was good... - We're dropping to 14° TONIGHT! Yonah's windows are closed, save one, for a little fresh air... I HOPE it doesn't get TOO cold for him! BUT... “the season” is here... and August is FINALLY getting to the August I remember! (Now... to budget OIL!!!) - Oh, and I believe I'll be “postponing” Wednesday's MD visit... I won't be able to afford it... at any cost. We'll see how they handle that ... on Monday... when I call. Another 2 weeks, I should suppose... Fukkem. - 22.07 coyotes up the road, just at the bend. Sounds like they're down on the river or beside “Gerry's” place! SCREECHING! At first I thought it was foxes. But it sounds a bit too “deep”... the howling-screeching. It really IS impressive. And I'm feeling SO blessed... to have been out on the front porch to witness it. (Although I kept an eye on the road... in case they decided to head down this way... OH MY!) Makes me miss Roosa Gap... and Noel. Some pains just never stop.
Sat.28.Aug: 20.16 Up at about 6.00-ish after a night of sleeping right through! Lights went out shortly before 23.00. I don't believe or have cause to believe we had any rodents last night. I left Yonah's food in for him and NO MOUSE SHIT! MAYBE there was ONE that got trapped in the house after all the “taping”... .of course, there's no telling where it might be now, and, if it found a way “out”, that's also a way “back in”. Oh well... only time will tell... and a “snap trap”. I'm still thinking of getting at least one anyway... Winter's coming and I will NOT have this “invasion” through that! - Other-wise, right away, I got to the “morning routine”... having been delightfully wakend by Yonah. And immediately after coffee... got right to work on his Journal photos... Well, I decided to add more “pages” to the “slide” and then make “adjustments” to the “Cage Care” page... and include photos of the “evolution” of his “houses”... from that horrific “mesh” to the “cage” to the current “condo”. With the exception of an hour's nap... yes... an HOUR, that was all I worked with through the day until meal-time when I up-loaded it all to the server! - As for the “nap”... well... I'd decided not to set an alarm to see just how long I might “snooze”... Yonah spent the ENTIRE HOUR on my leg!!! THIS, to me, is AMAZING! WE'RE TRULY A “UNIT”! And he OBVIOUSLY enjoys being with me! I'm SO BLESSED AND HONOURED AND IN AWE! Well, I woke me because I was SNORING! And I SLEPT HEAVILY! I slept through last night... a good 7 hours, I'd say, but I have a feeling I'm “sleeping” as Opa used to. Oma said that he'd sleep heavily and soundly all through a night and wake the next morning SO exhausted, claiming he hadn't slept well at all through the night before. I recall her saying that the doctor said something about him not getting “restful” sleep, but I don't recall her ever saying “Why”... I've the feeling that I might have apnea... or something of the sort because there ARE times when I'm “half-sleeping” when I find I HAVE to FORCE myself, consciously, to breath. Or... there's something in the lung, cutting proper oxygen. I don't know. (And I won't know for another while yet because on Monday, I'm postponing the MD appointment... I can't afford it until the 3rd and even then, I'd MUCH rather get Yonah to a doctor which means the truck has to be checked... Oh well... what-ever. If it gets REALLY bad... there's always the ER... and they can eat shit about it.) So... I'm wondering about my “sleep cycles”... If I nap, I'm OK. It's after a full night's sleep that I have to “recover”. One of these days... 4 hours up, 4 hours sleep, 4 hours up... Hey! Nancy did it for YEARS and she said the body adjusts. We shall see. - Chicken and rice for meal tonight. I'd forgotten it was in the fridge! 2 more meals left. Food in the house. - But tomorrow, a quick run into town... smokes and some groceries. Then? Other than MUST LAUNDER THE BED LINENS before EVER returning to the bed... hopefully the weather will co-operate. - Tonight's low, 18°. (Today's “high” was 19... hmmm...) There's a “wind” blowing out there... one of those “weather change” winds. Yonah's window are closed for the night. I'd left one open slightly last night... it didn't get “cold”... but I just see no reason why Yonah should even be “chilled”. He's in a house... I owe him the comfort. But the futon's prepped for me... I've had my pills... will have a “tart with QI” and I'm off to bed soon! I had a nice scrub last night, fresh clothes today... I'm set to go... to bed... to sleep. And hopefully, even though the jug trap is set in Yonah's room and the metal one in my room... hopefully... NO INVADERS tonight! - Off we go then... - 22.45 OFF TO BED AT LAST!
Sun.29.Aug: (Tue.31.Aug: 6.35 I've been so tired of an evening that this was/is just “notes” so I'll see what I can “remember” from them, fill in the blanks... get August out of the way... ) 20.35 Quick notes... Yonah's Journal is current and his Journal now has pages coded through 2025. That was my “work today” chore-of-all-chores. I might have another 4 years. He might have another 4 years. (If he doesn't, I don't but... my “gut” insisted that I put the pages together. There was something “uncomfortable” about only having through 2022... “Pessimistic”, “defeatist”... Anway... that's taken care of.) - First thing this morning, I stripped my bed (although it was nicely made... as it has been and I haven't slept in it for... a week? longer?) and put the linens into the basin with a bit of “Clean-Up” and some “Lysol” with the detergent. Oddly, it reminded me of Valentine ave. and the “robbery”... It took me a while before I felt “comfortable” getting back into that bed, knowing that somebody had broken into the flat and touched the bed! This was similar... That mouse didn't leave anything “IN” the bed, on the linens, under the blankets, but it was ON the bed... and I didn't want to take ANY sort of chances so... besides, washing the linens passed time and really wasn't any inconvenience... it's not as if I have SO much to “do” of a day... - Moving along... at about 9.30 I headed out the door and into town... needed smokes and figured I'd stop at the market to see what they had... (Perry's BOGO this week.) As usual, I didn't want to leave the house (didn't want to leave Yonah, honestly) and wanted to get the trip done with quickly... Ah... I get to FamDoll, “Bubba” is out front, chatting and smoking with the “hicks” he hangs with. (Really, that crew is... well... “cue the banjo music”... I've never actually “met” or had any encounter with any of them but... my gut says “ICK!”) No problem, I went into the store figuring there'd be somebody else in there... NOT A SOUL TO BE FOUND IN THE ENTIRE STORE! I walked through, to check if somebody wasn't in one of the aisles... NOBODY... technically, I COULD HAVE HELPED MYSELF TO ANYTHING IN THE PLACE AND JUST WALKED OUT! Shame, really, that I didn't just get the key and help myself to the smokes... FREE! FUCK! Well, I waited for a moment longer and then stepped out the door to see if there wasn't somebody else on duty, some-where in the store... I looked to where Bubba was standing and, well... WRONG SHIT ON THE WRONG DAY AT THE WRONG MOMENT TO THE WRONG CUSTOMER... IN A SNARKY TONE HE SAID “I TOLDYA I'D BE IN IN A MINUTE.” and the cronies laughed. So, I just walked out of the store and headed for the truck and as I did, he called “Are you really leaving?” And his hicks laughed again. I just said “Yes, I am.” in a normal volume. “REALLY?” he called. “Really.” I said, and continued walking to the truck. His hicks continued to laugh... They're like a pack of hyenas, “really”. I got into the truck, rolled up to Aubuchons, which was on my “list”... All I could and still can think is: *Customers purchase at the store, give you money, pay your salary, keep you employed... I'm a “customer” now... perhaps an “ex-employee” but a “customer”! I'm paying money... your salary, AND YOU'RE A MANAGER!!! IF I WERE TO TREAT A CUSTOMER WITH THE DISRESPECT YOU'VE TREATED ME, I'D BE “WARNED”, WRITTEN-UP, PERHAPS “LET GO”! Lost sale. Lost customer. Well... “Bubba”... today you lost both. It might cost me a dollar more... but I'll go to Stewart's for my smokes... AND you've given me the incentive to go to Walmarde for the rest... and I can go there and to Hannaford's and make the trip worth the while... (as long as the truck will roll). Anyway... I was THROUGH WITH YOU with FamDoll... Tempted to contact Corporate but... there will be an appropriate time... mean-while... there's Stewart's. (It also slammed to mind: ONLY TWO STORES IN THE ENTIRE AREA THAT SELL SMOKES! ONLY ONE GAS STATION! ONE FOOD MART! THIS IS FUCKED-UP! But... “a little place in the Adirondacks”... here I am.) - So then there... to Aubuchons... determined to get the flag pole and bracket and... well... not “determined” to get but... mouse traps... “snap traps”. So in and onward and... a lovely greeting, as is usual there. I found the pole, confirmed the price, got the bracket and as I looked at the snap-traps, I was PHYSICALLY SICK TO MY STOMACH, thinking about what they do. I looked at the “old fashioned” wood... and they look so fucking cheap, and all I could think of was the suffering, if the SNAP didn't do the job IMMEDIATELY... A poor creature, struggling through the night, trying to get free, waiting to die! OH MY GOD! I got more and more sick! They were inexpensive, but... NO! I looked at other traps, of plastic. Chinese shit... the WORLD is Chinese shit... fucking Chinese... no fucking respect for life of any sort, and here we are, here I am, FORCED to ACCEPT their shit! AND it was COSTLY! Well, I found a “model” that wasn't “reasonably” priced, but not too terrible, and it looked to be “efficient”, as it were... almost 3$ MORE than the old-fashioned but... I'd have to pay for “efficiency”... NOT that I could stomach even that, but even Deb said “It's instant, no suffering...” and, to be honest, today it was a choice: Continue to just hope the mice would get into a “release” trap and probably just keep coming back or keeping them out of Yonah's house and food... and out of my clothes, off my bed! I bought them... still not convinced that I'd ever actually USE them. And as I got to the cashe, I was still sick over it. - Out the door, down to the market. Parked in the lot, walked over to Stewart's for smokes... 13$-plus the pack! Well? Only but about 1$ more than FamDoll but at least I don't have to put up with bull-shit... in, buy, out, gone, done. Sadly, I KNOW I'll have to go back for another pack before... well, before Friday's income. Oh well. They'll do. Better one than none. - To the market where I was further pissed-off. The FEW who were in shopping were the ones who stand in the aisles, chatting and just being annoying. THEN, ONE registre open, 2 people in front of me and when a manager came to open another regisgtre... OF COURSE, THE OTHERS BOLTED! NO SENSE! PEOPLE ARE JUST IDIOTS, IN GENERAL, OBLIVIOUS, DEFICIENT! SOCIALLY ILL! But I stood where I was, got through the cashe and headed, anxiously out the door! In the truck and down the road, ROLLING... and back home... and back to Yonah! - “Back at the home”... or, as I call it these days, the “shit-box”, groceries up and I decided that, since I was “in motion”... I measured and cut a 2x4 for the flag pole, got out a can of that paint that Vivian had given me... It's really HIGHEST QUALITY! WONDERFUL COVERAGE, AND “WHITE”!!! (I'm seriously considering doing a wall in the kitchen. There isn't enough to do the whole kitchen, but at least I could get rid of ONE “yellow” wall with what I have). As I painted it dried... IT'S ON THE FRONT PORCH, WIRED TO THE POST FOR TONIGHT... AND THE BRACKET IS ATTACHED AS WELL! Tomorrow, I'll put the flag out before the PeeOH opens... I've NO DOUBT... FLACK'N'SHIT TO FOLLOW BUT I DON'T CARE AND... WELL... I'M IN NO MOOD SO... NEW RUSSIA, BEWARE! - For the rest of the day, I worked on Yonah's Journal and the pages through 2025... They're coded, on the server, the links are on the rest of the pages, all set and ready to roll... As the years go by, I just have to include the links to the pages. Other-wise, they're “in the back-ground”. - AND... I managed the quickest “snooze”... at almost 15.00! I'd just worked along through the day! - All told, it was a rather delightful sort of day (after the morning bull-shit). Cool, comfy, breezy. A touch over-cast but the linens were DRY by evening and taken in, laid on the bed. I was going to sleep in my bed-room tonight but I WANT TO WAKE TOMORROW, WITH YONAH! The day won't be any different from ANY other day of ANY year at ANY time... so I 'll have the JOY of first sound... Yonah... first thing seen... Yonah... my PRECIOUS COMPANION, LOVE, HEART AND SOUL! There's plenty of other time to get back to my room... tonight's just NOT that time. (Hey! I wanted a “cot” in his room, I HAVE a futon! And that's what it's there for! MY LOVE!) - Tonight's “LOW” is expected to be 20°! Quite nice, indeed... open windows. Tomorrow night's “low”... 16... and Thursday... back to 14! HERE WE GO! We'll be rolling into the “chilly nights” in moment's time. (Time to think... “OIL”! SHIT Oh well... - MEAN-WHILE... I've given-in, broken-down... I've set both traps for tonight, mostly to see whether or not (a) there are any more mice in the house and, most important, (b) to see if they actually work PROPERLY, QUICKLY. One is in my bed-room, the other... just out-side Yonah's door on the kitchen-side. I JUST DON'T WANT TO HEAR “SNAP”! I DON'T WANT THE “SNAP” TO BE HEARD BY YONAH! AND I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANY “SQUEAL”!!! The jug-trap is set by his house, as usual... I'm really tired of this shit! REALLY! Mice! Well? As I say: It's either them or Yonah... and there's really no choice at all. I don't like this but... I'm not putting up with it any longer. I'm tired... “Catch and Release” isn't working. So? I suppose we shall see. (I'll probably beat the shit out of myself if one of those new traps does catch a mouse. I DON'T WANT “DEATH” IN THIS HOUSE. IT'S ALL BAD ENOUGH AS IT IS, WITH ALL THE OTHER SHIT... low/no water pressure, foundation shifting, holes and spaces in the walls, no insulation... the PeeOh... me paying their hot water... I'm TIRED! So... I did say I wanted a little place in the Adirondacks... I got it. I just should have been more specific. Well, I look at it thus: I'm out of VT, back in NY, in the Adirondacks... I'm “that close”... this is a “stepping stone”. There IS “better”... out there. It's just moving... AGAIN! I'll just have to do what I have to do... - Meal, tonight... chicken and rice. Perry's is on sale today... oh... NONE in the store! More incompetence. Put an item on sale and first thing in the morning of the first day of sale and no merchandise! Incompetence. So I got “cookie dough”... better than none, I suppose. One more serving of chicken and rice and then... what-ever. Maybe I'll make a pot roast... “Birthday meal” and all that shit. but the roasts are frozen solid. Oh well... - “Night pills” taken. “QI” time and then... BED! After this morning's shit-show, the rest of the day went rather well. And, of course, time spent with Yonah, getting his work done and on the server, current to the moment... THAT'S a pure JOY! - 22.46 AT LONG LAST, LIGHT'S OUT... ANOTHER DAY DONE!
Mon.30.Aug: 11.04 WE WERE UP AT 5.45 THIS MORNING... “woo-HOO--hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo”! Me? I wanted to just stay there, on the futon, and almost did drift back off to sleep BUT... UP! UP! And... away went the boards, on went the kettle, open went the tap and... when that was done, in went the futon linens to the soak... and then... down came the rain... fuck. But... coffee had, waters changed, linens on the line... oh... and... *dead mouse in the trap in the kitchen just out-side Yonah's door... I didn't hear it snap... and I'm grateful for that... and where it bounced to, I'm relieved that I didn't have to go to the loo else I'd've stepped on it. And yes, seeing the little thing, head-in, thankfully, “clamped” my chest. I DIDN'T WANT to come to this! I DON'T LIKE being at this juncture where this is even something that would be considered. BUT... the fact remains: it's now a matter of “choice”, and it isn't pleasant. FIRST of all, it's a matter of Yonah's health... His food (and the shit in it), and the quantity of it; his health (mites, fleas, &c.). Just on those two points, I'll not have threats! And then there's the matter of my clothing and bedding! And the Hudson Bay blanket! The seeds in the show, the seed shells on the bed... and the shit on the kitchen counter. I had the “jug” set... I had the metal trap set... 2 snap-traps... the little one chose the wrong place. Had it been in the other traps, it would be out in the yard... or garage... as it is, it got a proper “wrap” in clean kitchen roll and burial in the ferns... first thing this morning. (What a fucking way to start a “birth-anniversary” day... what a fucking way... just fucking.) - AND SO... THIS MORNING, THE “PATRIOT” FLAG IS UP... Mayor McFuknutz was in the back, chatting with Ms. VTrash and I heard him mention “A few calls...” because HE doesn't “approve” of the “Fuck Biden” flag. And Ms. VTrash chimed “I just ask if that's their only vocabulary.” FUCK THE ... no... wait... DITCH the both of them! The flag went up and is up even now... (11.41 JUST IN FROM A BLOW-OUT WITH Mayor McFuknut... who CAME OUT OF HIS WAY TO ASK “Is that yours or Peter's?” THE FLAG! I BROKE! Said that, last I knew, I was born in the US, free to be and express... &c. HE AGREED! “Did you see his?” (John's) And I told him I like it... and mentioned the “Canada version”. He didn't like that “kids” driving through... OH REALLY. Well... We had it out, came to agreement... and chatted about general shit... I'll wait... - ANYWAY... post checked. Vits. due this evening. - YONAH'S WINDOWS GOT CLEANED TODAY! As the sky clouds-over again. - And “health” me... MD appointment changed to the 23rd. Checked on him... Good reviews, for the most. 51y/o. 25-plus yrs. experience AND... I COULD have kept the appointment because, according to “the internet”, he accepts full Medicare payment! No co. Oh well... Good news... So now I can make an appointment for YONAH! WOOHOO! (Hopefully the truck will run the trip... WITH-OUT ANY INCIDENTS!) - 12.07 PILL-TIME! This day is gone too... TOO FUCKING FAST! (As they ALL are of late! SHIT!) - 19.55 WELL! IMAGINE THAT... “19.55”. FUCK ME... It isn't too late yet... - I MADE YONAH'S BIZ-CARDS TODAY AND PRINTED SOME, ON WATER-COLOUR PAPER! WOOHOO! THEY CAME OUT QUITE NICE! AND 2 OF THEM HAVE A “CLEAR COAT”, FRONT AND BACK... ONE WILL BE GOING TO EV! (I printed the sketch on water-color paper too... not sure about the size though. Might be extra postage... but I still have to phone her to see where I ought to send it...) - Anyway... THAT was the entire day. - SO... Yonah's cards, the “Patriot” flag... The linens for Yonah's futon are washed and back on... and the futon is set for me, for tonight... Yeah... “seepie-nigh-night with Yonah” again, tonight. I know... I ought to stop... but more traps are set too so... I want to make certain he's “safe” at night and, well, not being in the room with him just makes me un-easy. - And this evening, I took a “mad rush” to Stewart's for smokes. BOTH banques are SO LOW! BUT... the rent cheque went into the blue box tonight. NOW, I hope it doesn't get to the Mass-hole before Friday! SHIT! (I HAD to get it posted so that it's post-marked BEFORE the 1st anyway... Oh well... we'll see how it rolls... Fuck.) - And there we have it... that's the day. - It was WARM and SUNNY and a light breeze all day. And tonight... 15°. So? So, there we have it. - A birthday NOT in Montréal again... but to be honest, with the way shit is in MTL these days, I wouldn't want to be there anyway, really. It might have been nice to go shopping. For what? I don't know because everything in Canada is now made in fucking China, just like every fucking thing here so... Meds, shampoos... smokes... but that's about it.. not worth the trip... with gas at 4$/gal (and I didn't even check that at Stewarts, it could be MORE!) - To think... 66 years... to live to be aggravated just because... - BUT... here I am andhere we are and... - OH! I chatted with Jeff as I was running to Stewart's... HE HATES HALLORAN! SAYS SHE DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT HER PATIENTS, GAVE HIM ALL SORTS OF NASTY ATTITUDE THE ONE TIME HE SAW HER! SO... He says he's heard of Demuro(?) and he recalls he's good. So... we shall see. WOW! Dodged one... Let's see what I walk into... on the 23rd. - Time to get to Yonah's journal, QI, a SHOWER and BED! - “Birth Anniversary”... Same shit, different day, different year. Now... to make it through the next 4 or 5... COMPLETELY DEPENDING ON YONAH! MY PRECIOUS HEART-BEAT! - 22.30 BED TIME! OFF TO MY BESTEST LITTLE ONE!
Tue.31.Aug: 6.24 I'm dressed. Yonah's waters have been changed and house set for the day. One basin, jeans are soaking. The other basin, the “whites”. NO MOUSES this morning and NO MOUSE SHIT in Yonah's house! NO MOUSE IN THE HOUSE! (I'm thinking the one from yesterday must have been living IN. I'm still heart-sick about it too.) Doors are open. Flag is out. I woke at 5.26 (loo time, since I've no idea what clock in this house is set to what time zone) to go to the loo and whilst there-in... “woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo”. Mr. Taube was awake. (I just hope I don't wake him with my coughing, but, tonight, indeed, I'll get back to my bed-room... and give him a quiet night... I'll miss him! But I know I do cough during the night so... - Anyway... the day has begun... and August is ending... and September is rolling in and... it's about 16° this morning... sun is promised for the day with 25° to come. Ah... but “September”... here comes the cold and... time to HEAT! FUCK me... (Oh my... there's a bit of a fog rolling by the house as I type... or... it's the Angel of Death come to take us all away. These days, we can't be too sure.) - I was feeling... WAS... feeling... rather OK this morning until the pills. I DO have cause to believe... much of this “pain and discomfort” is because of them. Mayhaps I ought to figure a way to take the 3 morning in intervals... Mayhaps, I could get back to taking only two? Mayhaps... I'll know better come the end of September... try to remember... (a kind of). - On the agenda? I have none... other than working with Yonah's cards and such and getting a copy into his Journal pages... Do I “need” and “agenda”? Well... Oh yes... mayhaps a trip to the river for sand? We could use some more of that. We shall see. Other-wise... Oh yes, and something to do with Yona's futon so that pillows don't slip through the “arm-rests” onto the floor. I have a board at one end which I put there last night. It worked nicely, but I need something a bit more “part of”. See? “Agenda”... something... what-ever. - On with the day now... there's a coffee at hand and lavage on the soak. - 7.54 I got up with the intention of taking a snooze... and now the lavage is sur le ligne. The sun is “up”. Yonah is “on the shelf”, preening. And I've a bit more of Sunday to catch-up with/on. BUT... I'd MUCH prefer a snooze... well... perhaps, in a moment... or not. I'm tired. But that's me in the morning... and after-noon... evening... night... - 9.01 AND SO MUCH FOR ANY HOPE OF A GOOD DAY! THE SHIT-SHOW HAS COMMENCED... AT 8.21 THE GUY FROM “NYSEG” ROLLED-UP... IN THE BUCKET-TRUCK! I LOOKED OUT TO SEE HIM LOOKING UP AT THAT FUCKING STREET LIGHT! JEEZUS-FUCKING-KRISTE! HERE WE GO!!! SO I TODDLED OUT TO SEE THAT IT'S THE SAME GUY I SPOKE WITH SHORTLY AFTER THEY INSTALLED THESE NEW SHIT-LIGHTS. “HOW'S IT GOING?” I SAID, “WELL, IF YOU'RE HERE TO DO WHAT I THINK YOU'RE HERE FOR, IT'S GOING TO HELL.” HE'S SO UNDERSTANDING. WHEN I TOLD HIM THAT THE LIGHT HASN'T BEEN ON SINCE HE “FIXED” IT, HE ASKED “WHAT DID YOU DO? SHOOT IT OUT?” AND HE SMILED. I TOLD HIM THE STORY ... AND TO THINK, JUST LAST NIGHT, FOR THE FIRST TIME, I ACTUALLY MARVELLED AT SEEING *STARS* IN THE NIGHT SKY... EVEN THAT “SPRAY” I HAVEN'T SEEN SINCE VT! OH, I THINK I “KNEW” THEN... BUT... SO Mr. NYSEG SAYS THAT GETTING IN TOUCH WITH THE “TOWN SUPERVISOR” AND THEY CAN “RELOCATE” THE LIGHT! THEN... THEN HE ASKED “WHO'S SEAN BRADY?” THAT FUCKING SHIT-SACK? WITH THE 50 MARIACHIS IN THE HOUSE? SO I SAID “OH SURE... THE FUCKING LIGHT DOESN'T SHINE IN HIS HOUSE SO HE BITCHES.” I'M SO TIRED OF THIS BULL-SHIT! AND THIS MORNING, I'M TIRED IN GENERAL! SO... THE NYSEG GUY SAYS HE'S GOING TO “TRY AND TWEAK” THE LIGHT, SOME-HOW BUT... I'M ON A “ROLLING BOIL”! - AT 8.37 I LOOKED-UP THE NUMBER FOR THE “TOWN CLERK”... CAN'T FIND ANY FUCKING INFO ON CONTACTING “GOVERNMENT” BUT NAMES AND PHOTOS ARE LISTED. IT DOESN'T BODE WELL. THE “SUPERVISOR” IS A “NOEL MERRIHEW III”. FUCKING LIB-TARD, TO BE SURE. LOOKS LIKE ONE... “MILQUETOAST”, AS IT WERE. “FAG”, I SUSPECT. (CALLEM AS THEY SEEM, I SAY.) ANYWAY, I RANG THE TOWN CLERK'S OFFICE AND ACTUALLY SPOKE WITH A WOMAN WHO SOUNDS LIKE A “LOCAL”. SHE SAYS I HAVE TO SEND HER AN E-MAIL EXPLAINING AND SHE'LL GET IT TO THE SUPERVISOR... EVEN SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHO'S ACTUALLY, ULTIMATELY RESPONSIBLE! FIGURES. FUKTKARD-RETARDS... SO NOW I HAVE TO WORK ON THIS SHIT! OH... TIME TO GET BACK TO SERIOUSLY LOOKING TO GET THE ACTUAL FUCK OUT OF HERE AND TONIGHT... WELL... TONIGHT WILL BE “ANOTHER HONKY-TONK NIGHT ON BROADWAY”... TIMES SQUARE! AND THERE WILL BE MORE NIGHTS OF THE SAME TO COME! AND I DO FORE-SEE A BATTLE... FROM SOME DIP-SHIT, SHIT-SACK HICK-SHIT. OH... ALAS! BUT, IT'S A “NEW ME” THESE DAYS... AND I AIN'T PRETTY! SO... PLAN OF ACTION: COMPOSE THE E-MAIIL... TAKE PHOTOS TONIGHT TO INCLUDE WITH. YONAH AND I WILL HAVE TO PUT-UP WITH THIS SHIT TONIGHT... BUT... I'VE ALWAYS BEEN ACCUSED OF BEING “COMPLETE”, LEAVING NOTHING TO BE SAID WHEN I'VE DONE SAYING MY SAY... “PARTICULARS”... “TIME”... AS IF I HAVE MUCH OF THAT TO FUCK WITH. (OH... 9.16, THE PEE OH IS OPEN... AND TODAY... THE RENT CHEQUE DEPARTS. OH JUST FUCK!) - Time to un-wind a touch. If I were still drinking... I'd be starting already. Were I on medications, I'd be double-dosing. I'M TIRED! REALLY TIRED! Well, at least Mayor McFuknut isn't in town... I suppose I should be happy with that much. - At least I've caught-up with this journal. - For THIS I start the day at 5.30! WTAF? - 20.17 Well OK... Yonah is tucked-in for the night... a touch late because I lost track of time (and another wasted chat with VTrash... how I hate me for that but, “being nice to the neighbours... I'd had a 3-hour waste with her earlier during the day... accidentally, as they are. But in that one, I learnt SO MUCH... like, Vivian is “much younger” that Alvin, she's his second marriage... I wonder if the kid is from the first and now I wonder “what went wrong there” since he's what they call “a bit of a flake”, not to mention his time in the “relaxing resort retreat”... what-ever, and that she's in a group of kayakers and he admitted, to VTrash, that he couldn't possibly tolerate such exercise... and VTrash says that the reason he, Alvin, stays with her is because, perhaps, he knows he old and doesn't want to be alone... O'fuk... another one... but, all in all, none of my business but enlightening... in a sort... I suppose). - ANYWAY... as I say, it was already dark when I finally got to the water changes and such for poor Yonah this evening. The time just slips... RAPIDLY! It's “concerning” to me. I do my best to spend as much time with him during a day, but it seems, of late, that the usual things I do now take longer. I don't notice me moving that slowly, but I'm not sooner thinking I have time and, well, the day is done! Old? The shorter days? WHAT? What-ever it is, I don't like it... I just don't. - And now August is GONE! Fine, I suppose. I don't like this month anyway, too much that it reminds me of that I'd probably be better off not remembering. (But then again, if I forget... I'm on my way to “oblivion” and I fear that as well.) And I think of yesterday... ABSOLUTELY NO DIFFERENT FROM ANY OTHER DAY OF ANY OTHER MONTH... OF ANY OTHER DAY OF ANY OTHERS... ABSOLUTELY NO DIFFERENT. Ah... “Birthdays”... they never happen any more. Then again... there are people, Nell and those, who actually acknowledge them, “do something about them”. I suppose I could... I choose not to. (Besides, I don't like the number “66”... “67” isn't so bad. “70”? Well, aside from being on the razor-edge of teetering out of here, and I think: most of the folks round here are in their 70s. (And then too... ah... the 70s... G's, Albany, being thrown out of the house, dumped, by the mother who always claimed she loved me... and all that shit.) No sense dwelling on it, really. Fukkit! What's to come will come. What happened “then”, happened and that can't be changed in any way. Right now, today, these days, I have to make sure I'm around for Yonah. Other than that, there's really nothing. I could just as easily go to bed and wait... and if not for Yonah... that's EXACTLY what I'd do. - SO TOO... I managed a LATE 20-minute snooze... but when the alarm sounded, I laid on the futon and “dozed” that “half-doze” where thoughts happened... those “odd thoughts” that have nothing to do with anything but they happen. Next thing I knew, Yonah flew over... to “wake” me... it was time to start meal!!! the 20 minutes were almost an hour! (Another thing that bothers me: I'm ALWAYS SO FUCKING TIRED... ALL THE TIME!) - So I put the franks and veggies on the hob... - Pulled the laundry in late too... it was getting dark! (And that's when I got stuck with the late chat next-door... As I'd stepped out, “Gordon”... I believe that's the cat's name, called to me from the door. SO CUTE! And of course, “she” was on a lounger and heard me talking to Gordon and came to the door. Must keep in mind: Check the chatting.) And even after being on the line all day, the washing was still quite damp. It wasn't hot, wasn't cold, was “cool” and still all day. Not good “drying weather”. But it got done! And that's all that really matters. - COMPOSED AND SENT AND E-MAIL COMPLAINT TO THE “TOWN CLERK” OF “E-TOWN” AND TO SOME GROUP CALLED THE “ADIRONDACK PARK ASSOCIATION”... IT'S A “.ny.gov” SITE... THE E-MAIL ADDRESS FOR THEM ISN'T EXACTLY WHERE THE COMPLAINT SHOULD HAVE GONE, THEY WANT “MAIL” FOR THOSE, BUT IT WAS AVAILABLE AND SO... EVENTUALLY SOMEBODY MIGHT SEE IT... AND PERHAPS IT WILL BE “FORWARDED TO THE APPROPRIATE” MORON... I DOUBT IT BUT... Now I'll have to get a copy to Stefanik. I don't believe, for a moment, that she'll DO anything about it but... *** I'M SERIOUSLY PISSED *** about the bloody light AND with that shit-show across the main. As I think of if, WHY would THEY “need” a light like that? And if it's about their kids... their kids have no business being in the front yard or near the road when that light would be on anyway! FUKKEM! The NYSEG guy DID go up the pole today... and I saw him pull a new fixture out of a box... but, there's NO fixture up there now... just the wires. I wonder... I'm thinking he understands about the light, probably has heard a LOT of complaints, probably shares my preference for “actual nights” and probably knows how intrusive these new ones are. What-ever... I appreciate him... based on the beautiful darkness of a natural night he's blessed this house with thus far. - OK... so I had my “night pills” at 20.00. Now, a bit of “QI” and off to FUTON! Yes, I'll be with Yonah again tonight. I'm getting used to it, I like being with him of a night and waking with him in the morning. (Not to mention, my bed's not made yet... HOW IRRESPONSIBLE OF ME!) - Imagine... END OF THE MONTH! END OF AUGUST! SEPTEMBER TOMORROW AND... FUCK ME! OIL!!! - Tonight's low is expected to be 12°! THAT'S getting chilly... but, Yonah has the radiator AND THIS WINTER... THERE'S A FUTON IN HIS ROOM AND WE CAN “BUNK TOGETHER”!!! WOOHOO! - 22.43 Two episodes of QI again... I ought to stop that. I was so close to going to bed at a “civil” hour... Oh well... - Fare well August... see you in 2022... DEAR GOD! 2022! HOW THE FUCK DID THAT HAPPEN?