Wed.01.Jun: 8.49 I don't know HOW, but I actually turned the first two alarms off this morning, dozed until just before the third... turned that one off and in moments, was up and about and moving along. Poor Yonah... I didn't get out of the bed until it was truly going for 6.00 and I don't know if he'd called before then or not. But at 6.32 I heard him and was still getting me together... some-how. So it was a morning of coffee, dressing, getting him open for the morning... checking and setting more traps in the back, putting some food out for the Yardies. First thing this morning, the Havahart trap did its work... there's one munk on the back gallery as I sit here and TWO out front, and more lurking, I've no doubt. It's cool this morning... a mere 22° in Yonah's room as I sit... as we are together, listening only to bird-songs, the splash of the fountain and the traffic passing out-side the windows. And me? Well... to be honest, I don't really feel any the worse for the lack of "rest" last night. Then again, it's probably all I ever get anyway... BUT... THRICE, DURING THE COURSE OF THE NIGHT, CONTRACTIONS... IN THE FEET AND UP THE CALVES... I HAD TO GET UP OUT OF THE BED AND "STAND THEM AWAY" FOR A FEW MOMENTS... SO... TECHNICALLY, I'M PROBABLY FUNCTIONING ON MERE MOMENTS OF "NAPS" THIS MORNING. ONE THING IS FOR CERTAIN: MY CHEST FEELS AS THOUGH THERE'S A LARGE GAUGE SPIKE OR POLE STUCK IN THE UPPER LEFT. "STRESS"? ONE WONDERS. BUT I'M NOT LETTING THE BULL-SHIT GET TO ME. "INTERNALISE" FOR AS LONG AS POSSIBLE... FUCK THESE SHIT-SACKS, REALLY! JUST FUCK THEM. I'VE LEARNT TO DO WITH MUCH LESS THAN I HAVE, AND MUCH LESS THAN CAN BE TAKEN FROM ME NOW. JUST AS LONG AS YONAH IS CARED FOR AND ABOUT AND COMFORTABLE AND SAFE... OTHER-WISE... I WILL DO ALL I CAN TO RAISE AS MUCH OF THE BOWELS OF A TRUE HELL... AND WRATH WILL HAVE NEITHER BOUNDS NOR ENDS... - A delightful start to a new month... AND FUCK ME... "JUNE"! HALF OF ANOTHER YEAR IS FUCKING GONE! - Oh well. - I'm toying with not answering phone or door today. It's over-cast, cool, damp. The ONLY thing other than catching-up with Journals and Photo Pages today (time WITH MY BESTIE HEART-AND-SOUL) that I can think to do is fetch mosses and trees for Yonah. (If it rains... no sand today.) I'm not even certain about what to do with the munks caught, if there are more. I released the one from yesterday evening but not doing that again. Though, honestly, there's no way to ever actually "control" their numbers... We're in "6 million acres" here.. and they'll just keep coming. What I NEED to figure out is how to better secure the little garden... with what-ever materials I have available. Other-wise... - Other-wise? I'm in NO mood to deal with ANY MORE bull-shit and fuckery today... I'm just in NO mood. In fact, I dare say, it wouldn't take much to get me swinging the old machete. Happy June. Fuck. - Now, it's a bit on the dark side in Yonah's room. Storms in the forecast but I'm betting drizzles. It's just "cool and damp" and "dark"... But Yonah and I are together... and that's all that matters... - 9.57 SO TIRED! Not so surprised. - Deborah came by about half an hour ago... left a "squirrel-proof" bird feeder. Problem? No good for doves. It was her Mum's. I appreciate the thought but... "stuff"... I'm trying to "divest". (I'm just tired, and in pain this morning.) - Still need to catch-up with Journals... and SO want a snooze. And it's dark, raining, chilly, damp... Lights? Do I even DARE? Oh... to have a 2x4 and personal contact with.. But one doesn't dare to say these days... Hello Communism. Here we go again. - It's the "pain" though... - And Yonah is being such a CHAMPION! SO LOVING! - 13.55 JUST back from a 2-release at the river and when I came back up the drive, a dove was at the empty tray. So I re-set both traps, put out some food and as I was washing my hands, looked out the kitchen window to see another munk HOPPING along at full speed, across the drive, up the walk. Stopped just inside the Havahart, "washed" its little hands and headed right into the trap and... CLACK! Done! SO QUICK I had to laugh. Anyway...
MUNK TALLY:
12
Yeah... my hips are SORE! AND, the pain in my chest! It's dreary, a bit warmer, humid, but 22° in Yonah's room... - OH... JOANNE CALLED THIS MORNING! SAID THAT SHE COULD PUT THROUGH A 189$ CREDIT TO MY NYSEG... I'LL HAVE ABOUT 122 TO COVER... IF I QUALIFY. SAID SHE'D GET BACK TO ME THIS AFTER-NOON TO LET ME KNOW... (14.30 AND NO WORD... OH WELL... I MIGHT HAVE FUCKED IT WITH THE NYSEG SHIT YESTERDAY. OH WELL... IF NOTHING ELSE, THERE'LL BE "HITS" TO THE ACCOUNT... LET THEM DEAL WITH IT.) - I'm tired. Just caught up with all of the Journalling for yesterday. Now... I have to post that to May... and open June on this and Yonah's. THEN MORE PHOTO PAGES! - 22.39 Journals are behind... I'm tired. Had ice cream with condensed milk.... sugar and dairy. TIRED

Thu.02.Jun: 7.28 THE BLOODY FUCKING CAT FROM ACROSS THE MAIN WAS AT THE FUCKING FRONT DOOR THIS MORNING! YONAH HAD COME OUT FOR A TODDLE AND GONE TO THE DOOR. THE INSIDE DOOR WAS OPEN, THE SCREEN ON THE LATCH... THANKFULLY! I WAS IN THE KITCHEN, GETTING THINGS TOGETHER THERE AFTER "MORNING ROUTINE"... YONAH HAD CALLED AT ABOUT 6.30 SO ALL WAS CALM UNTIL I LOOKED OUT FROM THE KITCHEN AND SAW THAT SHIT STANDING OUT THERE, STARING AT YONAH WHO WAS IN HIS OWN LIVING-ROOM! I GRABBED THE BOTTLE OF VINEGAR BUT, SADLY, THE SHIT BOLTED BEFORE I COULD GET THERE... SADDER STILL... IT MADE IT ACROSS THE ROAD. NO, MY HEART AND GUTS ARE AT AN END TODAY... I'M FUCKING TOO FED-UP WITH THIS SHIT BOX NOW... WHEN A FUCKING CAT IS AT THE FRONT DOOR! THIS SHIT HAS TO GO! MEAN-WHILE, POOR YONAH TOOK OFF IN A *PANIC FLIGHT", HEADED FOR THE CORNER WITH THE LIMB, FLEW A FEW CIRCLES AND HEADED BACK TO HIS HOUSE. WHEN I GOT TO HIM, HE DIDN'T WANT ME NEAR! SO... THE FUCKERS HAVE UPSET HIM... HELL IS NOW UP AND ALIVE IN NEW RUSSIA... I'M NO LONGER THINKING "CATCH AND RELEASE"... NO MORE PEPPER AND VINEGAR... POISON AND, IF I CAN FIGURE IT... BANG! GONE! (THE ONLY OPTION: IF I GET THAT CAT... IT'S IN A SACK AND OFF WE GO... PERHAPS DOWN THE ROAD TO WHERE THAT OLD GUY IS TAKING FERALS. JUST AWAY FROM HERE... FOR AS LONG AS I'M HERE.) THIS PLACE IS FUCKED.
MEANWHILE... First thing this morning.. TWO FUCKING MUNKS IN THE JUG... I hadn't even "set it up"... So, with them in the jug, I set the trap and BANG! MOMENTS... By 7.30 I was on the road and to the river for a release. But, as I say, that's coming to an end... Bucket and water... and what-ever I can come up with for the cats... and the squirrels... FUCK THIS BULL-SHIT!
Munk Count today... 3
Running total: 13 SHIT!
19.05 HERE WE GO... NOTES for the entire fucking day again! And I'm still in one of the most dour, foul moods, generally... because (a) NO PHOTO PAGES DONE TODAY, (b) THE BLOODY RODENTS, (c) THE QUNT NEXT DOOR, (d) THE FUCKING CAT! BUT... let's get on with this here now so that I have things caught-up... Nothing like starting the month behind... FUCK this shit-box!
From the notes...
So this morning, since I haven't heard word... I checked the NYSEG account... Joanne came through! YAY! (I've been worried because of the info I'd given the twat at NYSEG yesterday... but... 122,75$ still due, NO PAST DUE! DONE... BUT... I re-did the budget for tomorrow and with the brakes, I'm STILL OVER INCOME! Something will have to give... and the ONLY thing I can hope for is that the brakes come to 300$ and NOT 500$. But, I DO know better... and chances are... they'll come to more than the 500$ and I'm fucked for ANOTHER month! Anyway... at least the HEAP got posted... HOW-EVER... 12.46 Spoke with NYSEG... there's a new payment arrangement on-line... 18$ down now and then 11$ IN ADDITION TO THE BILL for the next 10 months! I might but I wanted to verify all the bull-shit so I phoned NYSEG... spoke with "Omar" who was quite the typical hepfull/less. He compared my usage to 2020... Autumn... Said that that was "unusally low" and that the "budget" was extremely low at 55$ and that's why I got so far behind. NO... it's because of the fucking DOUBLING of the charges... DOUCHE! But HEY... pre-Yonah. I HAD to keep my Little Guy warm! So, fukkem. Anyway... that was a relief to know that indeed, the 185 was posted from HEAP... not the 189 I thought I was told. Still... ANYTHING, at this point, is a help, and gives me a bit more consolation. Joanne said that it suspends all the "disconnects" for 30 days... so, I have that much more time to get all of this calamity together and gone. Omar was a bit insulting by telling me that there's no way I can forecast a bill because "it's so confusing that the computer does all that". THEN admitted that the rates fluctuate... BLOODY DAILY! Yeah... this is the 1930s... stupid fux. Right now... my "average", based on the past 12 months, is 120$... BUT... I see how it runs and... I know now that I won't be able to get a civil "budget" come the Autumn this year so... tough times ahead... But I'll make sure Yonah is NEVER chilled... They can eat shit. Besides, they can't disconnect in Winter so... FUKKEM! They can call it come May 2023... if Yonah and I are still around... one way or the other. I just can't give a shit. - MEAN-WHILE... I CALLED AND SPOKE WITH UNITED HEALTH AND GOT MY "MEMBER ID" AND A NUMBER THAT CAN BE CALLED TO VERIFY, SHOULD I NEED BEFORE THE ID CARD ARRIVES! YAY! DONE! NO MORE "OUT-OF-NETWORK" BULL-SHIT... I HOPE! I don't really believe them but... - THEN... THE QUNT STARTED THWACKING DOORS A-FUCKING-GAIN! SCARED THE DOVES OFF THE FOOD IN THE BACK. SO, I THWACKED THE BACK SCREEN DOOR, SLAMMED THE INSIDE DOOR... and will blame the wind. FUCK... I'm just in the MOST DOUR MOOD... and have to get rid of it... Yonah can sense it and that only serves to push me to my absoltue limit. We really MUST get out of this place... Let Mass-hole rent this place for a HUD 850$ to a single slut with 2 half-breed bastards and let that thing next door deal with it. - The next batch of chicken went into the oven at about noon... 375F... about 2 hours should do it. It was still frozed in the centre... - Had oat-meal at mid-day... with Yonah and made notes again... on this journal... FUCK... falling behind a-fucking-gain! This was supposed to be a serious work day... FATIGUE for the most part... and distractions. I NEED to make a schedule for me! AND STICK WITH IT! - 15.22 ANOTHER FUCKING MUNK IN THE JUG! FUCKING SQUIRREL EATING THE BIRD FOOD. TWO DOVES CAME AND THAT QUNT NEXT DOOR SLAMMED HER SCREEN DOOR! I'VE POSTED THE "WANT" TO CRAIGSLIST AGAIN... LET'S SEE HOW IT TURNS OUT. SHAME, REALLY, THAT THE RENT IS PAID, BUT THERE'S NEXT MONTH AND I DOUBT SOMETHING WILL COME UP BEFORE THEN. POSTED FOR GENERAL "ESSEX-CLINTON" BUT FROM THE LISTINGS... OUT WEST... WATERTOWN AND VICINITY APPEAR BETTER. IF SOMETHING REMOTE... AFTER THE TRUCK IS FIXED... YONAH AND I CAN TAKE A ROAD TRIP! WOOHOO! 16.33 The munk in the jug is still there. I don't know what I'll do with/about it. It's amazing... how they "steam-up" the inside of that thing. The saddest bit right now is that my "compassion" is waning... dwindling... so LOW. I don't have the "care" as to what happens to it over these hours. I was almost rather hoping another one would come along and there would be two of them, But... One thing... I don't believe I'll be going to the river with this one... Just leave it in there to cause enough trauma and hope it goes and tells the others... when I release it... if it survives. (If it doesn't, it'll be out there... some-where... as I say, I don't have the "care" any more.) - 19.22 FUKME... caught-up... shittily but caught-up... I don't mind the "neurotics" of this journal... they're just how things truly are... fucked-up and neurotic... psychotic... FUCKING HELL! But at least Yonah's Journal is current and civil... MY PRECIOUS LITTLE GUY! - Now... it's almost time for "tuck-in"... and my heart breaks already ... he's eating... and we're listening to Hauser. - 20.20 Yonah is tucked-in for the night... his Journal is to-date... and amazingly, this journal is too... for now... - I've taken the naprox and am ready to post to the servers! I ought to shower... there are "regions" that could do with a good scrub but again, tonight, I don't see the sense. I might try for a run to town tomorrow morning... I don't know... THE BOTTOM OF THE BACK DOOR, DRIVER'S SIDE ON THE TRUCK IS MISSING A PIECE... RUST... IT FINALLY JUST GAVE... THERE'S SERIOUS PATCH-WORK TO BE DONE ON THAT... MAYBE THE "TAPE" I BOUGHT FOR THAT PURPOSE... WHEN THE WEATHER DRIES... A NEW DOOR IS ABOUT 150-200$ USED... THEN THERE'S THE REPLACING... WHICH I MIGHT HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO DO M'SELF AT THIS JUNCTURE. THERE'S ALWAYS SOMETHING. I NEVER HAD A "GOOD START"... TIMES LIKE THIS REMIND ME... THE OTHER THREE LEFT AND SIMPLY, WITH KEY IN HAND, MOVED INTO FURNISHED AND PAID PLACES... ME? I WAS THROWN OUT WITH NOTHING, HAD TO BEG FOR RENT MONEY... NO FURNITURE... NOTHING. BUT NOBODY WANTS TO KNOW THAT... SO... AFTER ALL THESE YEARS IT REMAINS... "FUCK YOU... FUCK ME!" AT EVERY OPPORTUNITY. - Enough... post time! MAYBE I'll get to the rack before mid-night! - Tomorrow too... PHOTO PAGES... I'm 90 away from completed slides... then I have to work on the monthlies and check to make sure that all the photos on all the other pages are OK... since I'm eliminating a lot from the server... Oh well... - There won't be any "correspondences"... I'm on a "black out"... - OH.. but I DO want to move the feed tray to the kitchen window... no more feeding the vermin. I have ideas... AND I NEED to get mosses and trees for Yonah! THIS IS MAJOR HOUSE-KEEPING MONTH! - 22.11 Well... the day's done... At least it isn't 23.00... I could almost stay awake the night but... NO! And tomorrow, at some point, I TRULY MUST TO NEED AND NEED TO MUST SHOWER! I'M OFFENDING ME! (I just hope I'm not offending others... but to be honest? I don't care about "others" any more. I just don't.) Off to the rack. Let's see what tonight's Hellish punishment will be. - Tomorrow morning, monthly money in... and before the day is even established... DESTITUTION again. "These are the days". FUCK!

Fri.03.Jun: 7.15 FUCKING CAT AT THE FRONT DOOR AGAIN. TIME TO FIND SOME SERIOUS POISON. AND THE SHITS ACROSS THE ROAD HAD BEEN TO THE POST BOX... MOTHER AND SPORE. THEY WERE AT THEIR FRONT DOOR, THE CAT WAS AT MY FRONT DOOR... AND TRAFFIC PASSED. BUT AGAIN, AS I WENT FOR THE VINEGAR BOTTLE, THE FUCKING VERMIN (FELINE) LEFT. I DON'T KNOW HOW, AT THE MOMENT, BUT THERE'S POISON COMING... THE END. ALTHOUGH, NEXT TRIP TO MARKET... SOME EXTRA CHICKEN... TO WRAP SOME SERIOUS JERK SEASONING IN. WON'T KILL, BUT WOW, IT'LL PLAY HAVOC ON THE GUTS! LET THE DAMNED THING GO HOME AND PUKE. AH... A PLAN. - THAT'S THE CAT... NOW TO FIGURE THE RODENTS. - 8.54 At the work table... and as forecast yesterday... DESTITUTE. Rent cheque should arrive at chez Mass-hole today. Thankfully it hasn't (yet) been presented for payment. The gas bill is paid, followed by phone/internet. THEN... IT TOOK SOME SEARCHING ABOUT THE SITE, BUT... I FOUND THE PAGE FOR THE NYSEG "PAYMENT AGREEMENT" AND PAID THEM THE 18-FUCKING DOLLARS TO INITIATE IT! NOW... TO WATCH THE "BALANCE DUE" AND... NO DOUBT, FUCK THIS UP A BIT TOO. BUT THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS: I'VE NEITHER SHITS NOR FUCKS TO GIVE ANY MORE. NOTHING IS "SACRED" ANY MORE... AND THE THOUGHT THAT THEY'D ENTERED INTO AN "AGREEMENT" WITH ME TO CHARGE ME ONLY 56$/MONTH AND, UNILATERALLY CHANGED THAT... WELL... NOW I'VE ENTERED INTO AN "AGREEMENT" AND, WELL... HERE WE GO! THERE'S SHIT THAT WILL BE SLUNG IN ABOUT 15 DAYS AGAIN... BRING IT ON! I'M TIRED. NEXT? Transferred quite a bit over to the CU... and on Monday, when it clears, I'll be pulling the bulk to get the brake fixed on the truck. (I have to do something about the door now... and HOPE it passes inspection... AND, next month, more trials and tribulations... Registration!) - Ah... just to get through July... and then we worry about heating. * SUCH FUN *... FUCK! - Meanwhile... at 9.07... the PO isn't open. I'm paying only 6 months on the box rent this trip. Even at all of the "budgeting" and juggling... I'm left with about 8$/week for June. Oh well... we'll see how it all turns out. - For now... the journals are current... PHOTO PAGES... WITH MY LITTLE HEART-AND-SOUL! - Oh... the front screen is on the latch, the inner door is locked. The back door too, is locked this morning. I'm not answering... and will be doing nothing much save pay the box rent this morning... and then, this after-noon... get mosses for my Little Guy! - FUCK THIS DAY and FUCK THE WORLD. - I also am NOT putting food out for the Yardies... until I figure out and set-up a tray at the kitchen window... I saw one dove out there this morning and the heart-ache serves to deepen my anger. - BUT THE SUN-FLOWER SEEDS SPROUTED OVER-NIGHT! IN ALL 7 OF THE LITTLE CONTAINERS! I'VE TAKEN THEM OUT OF THE BAGS AND GIVEN THEM A SOAKING! HERE'S HOPING! NOW TO FIGURE OUT THE RODENT SITUATION! FELINES AND RODENTS... GOTTA GO! - 12.37 PAID! As far as I'm concerned, the bills are paid... The books are done. Appointment with Richie on Thursday morning for the brakes. I doubt I have enough in savings to cover what's coming so I'm shutting my mind down... until July. But then... Registration... Inspection (which won't pass until the brakes are done)... We're looking at August... More MONTHS with-out the truck! BUT... let's see what happens with the PO... That's still not posted on the site. Anyway... off we go. The sun is shining out-side, warm breeze coming in. HAD to speak with Deborah this morning... she came by and Dan too, whilst I was at the PO paying the half-year box rent. Oh well... Done... And I'm SO FUCKING TIRED... because of the brake and NYSEG. - No more bull-shit... On to Yonah's Photo pages! - 18.28 Water relay done... .meal done... done done. AND the PHOTO PAGES are PHOTO'ed!!! Now I have to go through them to make sure the "prev/next" links are correct. NEXT? The MONTHLY INSERT pages.... THEN... the monthly composite pages... AND THEN... go through ALL pages... including the Journal, to make sure the photos that were inserted there aren't gone with the "cleaning". It's a complete Re-work of the WHOLE site! After that, there's probably information on there that has to be changed/updated. Meanwhile, it's a perfect evening to bring Yonah out for sun and a breeze and we have NO PLACE! And Deborah sends an e-mail "Enjoy the sun-shine". Fuck. I haven't been in sun-shine in... And I WON'T go because Yonah can't. So? So we BOTH stick this out until we can change it. - I'm still in a FOUL FOUL mood...
OH! THE QUNT MUST HAVE COME BY THIS AFTER-NOON AND PARKED THE SPECTRUM BOX DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF THE SCREEN DOOR SO THAT I ALMOST COULDN'T OPEN IT! OK... WE'RE PLAYING THAT? I'M NOT PLAYING INTO THE PSYCHOSES BUT, NOW WE SEE JUST WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH... THE WALL ON THE PORCH IS GOING UP. AND I'LL FIND A CHAIR OF SOME KIND SO THAT I CAN SIT OUT THERE WITH YONAH.... AND I'M STILL TRYING TO FIGURE HOW TO FEED THE LITTLE ONES AT THE KITCHEN WINDOW... NEW TROUBLE... THE CHIMNEY... THE FUCKING RODENTS CAN CLIMB THAT AND GET TO A WINDOW FEEDER SO... WITH ALL OF THIS BULL-SHIT AND FUCKERIE HAPPENING HERE... I'M TIRED! REALLY TIRED... ONE WAY OR ANOTHER... IF A PLACE COMES UP... I'LL FIGURE A WAY TO GET OUT OF HERE. NO MATTER HOW I HAVE TO DO IT. I'M THINKING: IF WE'RE STILL HERE IN JANUARY... I'M GOING TO GET A LOAN AGAIN... KEEP IT IN THE SAVINGS SO THAT I'LL HAVE RENT, SECURITY... AND A BIT FOR THE MOVE. MEAN-WHILE, I'LL TAKE CARE OF THE TRUCK SO THAT WE CAN LEAVE THIS SHIT-BOX... IT'S GOING TO BE DIFFICULT BUT... WE *** MUST *** GET OUT OF HERE... OR THE QUNT WILL.. (IF I COULD ONLY BE THE NASTY NEIGHBOUR... BUT NOW, I HAVE TO WATCH BECAUSE OF TRYING FOR THAT P O SPOT.)
But Yonah is noshing, and I'm journalling and tonight... SHOWER! Tomorrow, weather permitting... MOSSES for the next HOUSE-KEEPING! - Poor Little Guy... I've been tired but pre-occupied all day. But mostly with his web-site, which means nothing to him... but it's known.. and I want it to reflect his life, his existence, to the very best. - 19.59 9° tonight and 6° tomorrow night! Well... SHIT! I don't want to put Yonah's radiator on again, and I'm not sure how much oil is in the tank. But I'll set the furnace up for over-night... 68F. Fuck the world, really. I have blankets. Yonah has only his feathers. And I will NOT have HIM being chilled! The rest of this world can go scratch their colons... preferably. - I'm in an exceptionally SOUR mood tonight because there's no food out for the doves in the yard. I won't put any out there "for the rodents" and now I have to figure a way to keep the vermin off the chimney. There's just too much bull-shit in this shit-box these days. And that qunt next door makes it all the closer to HELL! I wonder which one of us will "go" first. If age plays into it... but do I have the patience? AND, am I willing to deal with what will come along next? "It's out there." Deb said so... the truck was... "It's out there." And right now, I'm thinking in terms of that loan... take the money when I can get another one, put it aside, DON'T TOUCH IT until it's time to MOVE! If I can get another loan for about 3k or so... even if the payments come to what I'm paying now... What-ever... what-ever it takes to get out of here and to some place where Yonah will have a yard, sun-shine... PEACE and fresh air. - Anyway... at least I'm into the 700's for the Photo pages, checking the last of the links at the bottom. AND... I'm just about ready for a shower. - The journals are current. I'll post as soon as I finish this and then... we'll see how it rolls. Right now, my body aches, my eyes are tired, my head and neck are sore... BANG! Fatigue and depression... and anger... - Time to post. ENOUGH! -22.08 showered and what a DELIGHT! One prob: I don't know when, why, how, what-the-fuck, but there's SHIT in the scrubs again! I'm losing it? I mean... in my sleep? WHAT! So... lavage tomorrow... no matter what. The repulsive part: I've slept in that! and didn't even notice! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?

Sat.04.Jun: 9.46 WELL BOIZENGURLZ... APPLIED FOR THE NEW RUSSIA JOB. SUCH FUN!
I heard all three alarms this morning and just didn't want to get out of the bed! It was warm under the blankets and cool in the room and I felt SO GOOD... BECAUSE I WAS CLEAN... FOR A CHANGE! Needless to say, I got up, woke up, got out of the rack at almost 6.00! SHIT! And... it was a ROLL... SERIOUSLY! AND... no sooner had I started on my morning way... at 6.14 came * THE MORNING CALL *.... MY BABE WAS UP AND AWAKE AND READY TO GO! SO... ON WITH THE SHOW! - After we got that all settled, I put the scrubs into the basin to SERIOUSLY SOAK! I do NOT know what's WRONG with me but I MUST be shitting in my sleep! And I didn't notice it until last night when I went to shower! I mean... FUCK ME! WHAT is WRONG? Not only did I shit in the scrubs... I NEVER NOTICED IT? WHAT? SO... SERIOUS soaking... and I put the set of under-things in with so... the washing from the basket got done.... - I don't know what struck me, but I decided to take a look at the USPS job postings just before heading into Yonah's room and... THERE IS WAS !!! I figure... WTF? Why not? So... Imagine... I had that old pay stub from NY (one of the exceptionally few things that survived the fuck-over from the little Newburgh qunts... ALL of them) so I gave my ID number... AND had Deborah's and Dan's phone numbers and found "a number" for Maggie... 2 references... there you go. And... CLICK... submitted! LOL! Now to wait... for the rejection and/or the SCREAMING... not just from Crystal... but from the "villagers". THIS ought to shake the shit out of their skulls. BUT LET ME REMARK: I AM NOT PLANNING ON EVEN BEING INTERVIEWED... AND IF I AM... CERTAINLY NOT EVEN BEING CONSIDERED. JUST REMARKING TODAY... FOR POSTERITY. - 19.04 Catching-up with the day's journals. Worked on Yonah's Photo pages ALL DAY... and... the SLIDE and "Portfolio Home" pages are COMPLETE! - It was a glorious day... sun-shine, cool breeze, low humidity... FUCKING SHAME YONAH AND I COULDN'T HAVE ENJOYED IT TOGETHER... OUT-SIDE... EVEN MORE INCENTIVE TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE! - 20.42 There really isn't much of much to say for the day other than I managed, AT LAST, to get ALL the way through ALL of the Slide pages and even up-dated the links on the "PortfolioHome" page! Sadly... no... PATHETICALLY... it would have been such a perfect day to spend with Yonah... out in the sun-shine! I know my eyes are suffering from the lack of it and I worry... truly, about Yonah... the sun doesn't shine directly into his room at this time of the year so he doesn't really get a lot of it and his room, though not "dark" isn't all that bright. How I FUCKING HATE this place, with that qunt being over there! But... I'm working toward getting the actual fuck out of here... even if it means going back to work. (Which is another thing... getting the truck so that it will tolerate another 4-500 miles with the back and forth to Colonie... or... as the PO and the GGl insist... Albany. But I'll handle it... one way or another. - Anyway... it was a complete day with Yonah and that's all that really matters. - Deborah is fine with me having put her down as a reference and it's quite interesting how much she too, dislikes the people in this hole. "Not friendly" and she's not fond of the PM in Liztoon either. I wonder what these people have done to her. One of these days... perhaps... we'll get to talk about it. But at least SHE doesn't mis-judge me. - For now... I've taken the naprox., Yonah's journal is current. I'm going to post to servers, have a nosh and Brit and get to the rack soon! 22.00 latest! I want to get to the woods tomorrow... mosses for my little Heart-and-Soul... we have some serious House-Keeping to get done soon! So... on that for that for this... - 7° tonight... but OH the sun-flower seedlings appear to be doing quite well... hopefully they'll last for another 3 days. There should be quite a nice collection of them... IF I can get them to grow out-side! FUCK! - 22.17 AND THE BLOODY QUNT'S OVER THERE THUMPING AND BANGING SHIT! Good for it and the rest that Yonah's not startled... Oh... but there's a battle and a war coming... and that thing thinks it's going to have "company" this month. Oh... we'll just make it all so pleasant.
Meanwhile, been watching a series on Cornwall... THE Cornwall... beginning to understand why they called it that, on the Hudson and that it really is a nice place, over there... flat though. But on the shore. - 22.33 Still house at last... let's hope it stays this way... for all concerned.

Sun.05.Jun: 15.13 I jumped out of the rack this morning, at about 5.30... after all the alarms and a doze... got my shit together and Yonah called at 6.35 and the day commenced! - Morning routine, a few pages of Yonah's site... the monthly pages... At about 10.30, Deborah came by to get the wading pool from the garage and I went to the chores... - A stroll down the main... MOSSES FOR MY HEART-AND-SOUL... and the over to the river for ROCKS FOR HIM TOO... AND A LITTLE ONE... SHAPED LIKE A HEART... memories of Rockaway... and I still have that one too... sadly, I don't remember the date but I have the rock! - Back to the shit-box and... VROOOOOOOM.... MOWED THE LAWN! Came in from that and HOOVERED the shit-box, at long last. Next... hit the shower... for ticks and sweat and stink. And now... I'm only JUST getting to sit with Yonah and jot this. AND I AM EXHAUSTED! TRULY... And it's almost time for meal... FUCK! Another day just passed! FUCKI! - OH! Oil is 3/4 !!!! - 20.28 OK... Journals are current, I've finished "April 2021 Monthly" photo page. The lawn is mowed, the new rocks are on second boiling, Yonah and I had a great day together, the sun is behind Greene Mountain, the front door is open, the curtains in the bed-room are closed... and I'm showered from today. My stomach is "off"... well... that "ROCK" in the chest is back, and my head is a bit "off and away". My sinuses aren't happy, but then, when I was in the woods getting the mosses, the trees and ferns were covered in pollen... so too, Deborah's car. AND when I came in from mowing, even though I'd put a bandana over my nose and mouth, I was hacking dirt dust. So? So... I can understand the sinus troubles and the chest... there's filth in these poor lungs, on top of everything else. - At about 19.30, the qunt was banging about... let's hope it doesn't repeat later. I'm still trying to figure out how to "wall" between the porches... and I'd like to have that done before that thing has spore over to visit. - My hands are SORE again tonight... I don't know why... I made a wash yesterday. But then, I didn't put anything on them last night... Oh well... I have Eucerine on them now... and notice there's "AHA" in it... no wonder it BURNS! - This morning, Deborah asked if I'd like her to "put in a good word" for me with Crystal about the job... Apparently they get along. But I suggested, in a later e-mail that she might want to say something about me having the job and see what sort of reaction she gets. I don't want to let it be known that I applied... Still... when the word gets back to Liztoon... I'm SURE I'll "hear about it". Oh well... Politicians these days can perjure, murder, abuse, and still run for (and keep) their offices. FUCK THIS SHIT! I'll try for this office... and fuck the rest of them. - Anyway... time to post to servers... it's 20.37, the house is settled... let's see about getting to the rack at a civil hour... (HAH). - Tomorrow? We'll see who comes after us next... as if I could or would even try to care. - 22.26 Off we go... late again... WHAT a day though. At least I accomplished something with it.

Mon.06.Jun: 6.54 BLOODY-FUCKING HELL! JUST BLOODY, FUCKING HELL !!! ALL BLOODY-FUCKING NIGHT AGAIN !!! INTO THE RACK AT 22.30, READ 4 PAGES AND LIGHTS OUT BY 23.00... AND.... AT 0.42... BLAM! CONTRACTIONS! BLEATING BLOODY FUCKING CONTRACTIONS... LEFT FOOT ! LEFT LEG ! LEFT THIGH ! UP AND WALKING... OF COURSE, TRYING TO CHOKE A CURSING SCREAM !!! NOT ENOUGH? NO, CERTAINLY... 1.54... 2.45... 4.20... 5.20... ALARMS, ALARMS, ALARMS... I COULDN'T OPEN MY EYES FROM EXHAUSTION !!! BUT AT ABOUT 6.00, BY SOME MIRACLE, I LOOKED AT THE CLOCK AND JUMPED OUT OF THE RACK, BARELY AWARE OF MY SURROUNDINGS, THREW THE KETTLE ON AND ... AT 6.11 MY *** ONLY *** REASON FOR EVEN BOTHERING WITH ANOTHER DAY CALLED... AND SO, OUR MORNING, OUR DAY COMMENCED... AND RIGHT NOW, 7.01, ONE BASIN HOLDS THE BLUE SHIRT AND UNDER-ITEMS... THE OTHER, THE GREEN FLEECE AND WORK JEANS, ON THE SOAK. I'M DRESSED. MY LITTLE GUY'S WATER RELAY AND SUCH IS COMPLETE AND... BLOODY-FUCKING FUCKERIE... HELL ! THIS IS NOT A GREAT START TO A WEEK... And I can't recall, exactly, when all this bull-shit began... with these contractions... but I tend to think it was round the time of the "UTI"... a.k.a. "kidney infection"... Fuklin, VT. I mean to say.. REALLY... A traipse through the woods, a stroll along the river bank, a mowing of a patch of grass and THIS MUCH SUFFERING? AND I NEED TO GET BACK TO ACTUAL WORK AGAIN? BLOODY FUCKING HELLL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And there we have our opening.. for today. - BLOODY-FUCKING HELL !!! - OH... And the bloody house is chilled and it appears that Yonah was chilly too, this morning... so no, I wouldn't say it's all a "Happy" day... And... my throat feels as if it wants to close.. Gee... there's a fucking quackeroo in the fucking "VT Health Care system" who can't be buggered about "health care"... Hey! Maybe I can go investigate Albany Med... IF the PO position comes round. Eh? Good practise runs... - 9.43 "Out-doors" jeans, shirt, on the line. So too... the Orvis fleece. Under-things on the rack in the kitchen. AND... BOOK-KEEPING COMPLETE! I'm really in a bit of disbelief here. I'm "accomplishing"... NOT GOOD! (I'm on over-tired over-drive... I can feel it.) BUT... MY CHEST IS SO TIGHT, I'M CONGESTED (and as I type... my "reminder" to do the book-keeping just popped up... hmmmm....) . I mean... I'm CONGESTED! AND THE NECK/THROAT ARE TIGHT AGAIN. Oh well... - Schalgersahne on the ATT. No radio. "Point" is gone again... typical fucking VT... and the rest on radio is absolute utter fucking SHIT! - 20,6° in Yonah's room... I'm just in pain... fatigue and... but... on with the day... what-ever that might be today. - 13.41 CALL FROM THE QUAKCMD'S OFFICE... THEY'VE BEEN NOTIFIED OF THE CHANGE IN THE INSURANCE... AND THE CARD ONLY ARRIVED TODAY! BUT... *** OFFICIAL *** AND THE CT DOESN'T REQUIRE AUTH AND CAN BE DONE IN LIZTOON... THE COLONOSCOPY CAN BE DONE LOCAL TOO... PROVIDED THE ECHO GOES WELL (ARSE-HOLES THERE THAT IT HAS TO BE DONE IN PLATTSBURGH). BUT... LOOKS LIKE THE TESTS WILL BE DONE... AT LONG LAST! NOW... TO GET THE BRAKES DONE! - And some-how... I keep smelling cigarette smoke in Yonah's room all morning... I fucking hope it's only my nose... BUT... if Dr. asks about the smoking, I'll mention this to him... and see how THAT goes over. - 16.04 NYSEG JUST LEFT... ANOTHER GUY CAME TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THE STREET LIGHT! HE UNDERSTOOD THE SITUATION OF HAVING THE LIGHT IN THE BED-ROOM... AND SAID HE'LL BE BACK TOMORROW TO CHECK ON HOW WHAT-EVER HE DID, WORKED.
19.25 BLOODY QUNT! ALL DAY... NOTHING, NOT A SOUND FROM THAT SHIT-HOLE... BUT NOW... AS IT USUALLY DOES, THE IMBECILE... IT'S MOVING FURNISHINGS, THUMPING ABOUT... NOT EXCEEDINGLY LOUD, THANKFULLY... FOR BOTH OF US, BUT YONAH'S NOTICING IT AND IS COO'ING! SHE'S ILL... FEEBLE... OUGHT TO BE IN A HOME, AND NOT LEFT ON HER OWN! FUCKING MORON.
20.14 Luckily for all concerned, the thumping has ceased (for now) and Yonah is tucked-in... and his Journal entry is complete and ready for coding and posting. - Speaking of posting...
I happened to step out onto the front porch this after-noon to see McFuknut over with Sean, watching him, of course, planting a new tree in the yard. BUT... I've NO doubt, at all, that the primary purpose of the "visit" was to coerce Mr. Brady into coercing Mrs. Brady into applying for the "post" next door. I did my calculations this evening as to how much I'm allowed to earn with Soc.Sec. and Heap and even with the salary at the PO... I STILL come in UNDER the max allowances! SO... BUT... one NICE thing... it would pay the rent and I could use the rest to pay off the loan! IF... of course, I start before end of year... BUT AS FOR THAT.. THE FINAL POST DATE FOR THE JOB IS THE 8th. SO... We shall see what we shall see... as I say, I'm not even planning on being interviewed for this. And if Mariette applies, I've NO doubt, she'll get first interview, at which time.. .hired. OK. Fine. If so... it'll PROVE my point and claim... and I'll get BOASTING RIGHTS... to say... "I TOLD YA SO!" - But never mind, the bottom line is that I could certainly use the employment, for exercise and income so... it's settled... it was "fun" and nothing else. - So, the day is done. 16° for tonight's low... AND ALL OF YONAH'S MONTHLY PAGES ARE CLEAN! Now, on to the rest of this site to make sure I have all the necessary images where they're supposed to be AND... CLEAN THE SEVER. But there's time... and I'll need that. This isn't ANYTHING like I'd planned but. I've noticed a lot of coding errors and space in the pages so... - Now? 20.23... to post to the servers, grab a nosh (I'm on the last of the ice cream now... one container of French Van in "saving". I'll probably HAVE to go to market on Thursday after Richie checks to see what work needs to be done.) and off to the rack. I'm just shocked... I've made it through the day on a 30-minute nap! Just the one! Imagine? (But I'm betting that tonight is going to be another HELL! - I'm curious to see what the street light is like... Hopefully Yonah's room will be darker for him... even if mine isn't.) - MY HANDS ARE SO SORE AGAIN THOUGH... THE LAVAGE. AND I STILL HAVE TO DO THE BED-LINENS... AND YONAH'S MAJOR HOUSE-KEEPING. OH. DAINTY ME! FUCK. - 21.16 Qunt's at it again... - 22.05 off to the rack... AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT GUY FROM NYSEG DID, BUT THE STREET LIGHT... IS ABSOLUTELY "SOOTHING"! IT'S... JUST BEAUTIFUL!

Tue.07.Jun: 20.19 I am only JUST getting to the kitchen table and to the Journals for the day! Yonah's is complete but I've managed to quickly jot a line here and there during the day and now, a little "fill-in". I'm tired and the rains have finally come. They were supposed to be here during the day but instead, POLLEN !!!!! HORRID QUANTITIES OF POLLEN! SO MUCH SO THAT THE AIR WAS FOGGED WITH/BY IT AND I NEVER OPENED WINDOWS OR DOORS ALL DAY! THE ROADS WERE ACTUALLY DISCOLOURED BY IT! THICK, HEAVY... I kept windows closed but ran the fans on "exhaust" to keep the pollen from blowing into the house or settling on the screens. Even Deborah commented, in an e-mail, that she'd never seen the likes of it. Shame too, because it was nice, breezy sort of day and comfy. Oh well... - Anyway... I HAVE TO SAY, ABOUT LAST NIGHT
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT GUY DID WITH/TO THAT STREET LIGHT BUT IT'S HEAVENLY! THE ONLY THING BETTER WOULD BE NONE AT ALL, BUT, IT WAS SO PLEASANT LAST NIGHT THAT, AS I LAID READING... AN OWL HOOTED OUT-SIDE THE WINDOW! IT WAS GRAND! And even though I had a CONTRACTION, briefly, during the night, it was SO restful! Even getting up to walk the CONTRACTION off, I managed to get back to the rack and drift off again! No harsh lights in the living-room! WOOHOO!
The contraction... started in the left foot, ran up the calf. I got up to put socks on and as I went to put the right one on... THE RIGHT THIGH WENT... so I HAD to get up and walk it all off... as best as I could. When I got back into the rack, I was still in pain but managed to drift back to sleep... thankfully. - But this morning... I didn't get up and about until almost 5.45 and Yonah woke at 5.55 so... I was making and having coffee as I was into the "morning routine" for my little Heart-and-Soul. - All that pollen out there kept everybody in today. The place was so still... (until, of course, the qunt started stirring, but...) And I certainly kept ME in the house and that was pretty GRAND because I focused on the pages of Yonah's web-site! - One odd thing about the day though... AND ODOUR OF CHEMICAL... SOMETHING LIKE PAINT... OR SOME KIND OF CLEANER. HONESTLY... WE NEED TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF THIS SHIT-HOLE! - BUT... I did manage to focus AND... first... Today... in the post, the "Welcome" from "United"... AND... the "Agreement" from NYSEG... AND... on-line... NO PAYMENT DUE. No "budget" any more. So I'll pay what I use (plus their bull-shit) and the 10$ on the agreement. I'VE SAVED MY "CREDIT RATING/SCORE/WHAT-THE-FUCK-EVER"! I don't really know why I bother or even care. I'll never be able to afford to finance another truck and the most I'll probably ever get in way of a "loan" from the Credit Union will be the 1500... nickles and dimes. But, it does feel good to know that I've done well... exceptionally well... where "reputation" is concerned... and the PO can't use a "credit report" against me... IF I even ever get ... never mind. - Moving along... the day did. It was over-cast. I worked. Yonah and I played... and and... as I noted: 18.54 DONE... YONAH'S SITE IS PRACTICALLY RE-BUILT! THE HTML DOCS ARE DONE! All that need be done now is some up-dates, change the info I've learnt as we've gone along, add to the "Biblio" page and THEN... well... I have to back the site up to the lap-top (and HOPE this old thing can handle it) and THEN... hold my breath and wipe the server and re-up-load. NERVOUS! - But right now, I'm so behind in Journals... ONWARD BUTTERCUP... FUCKERY TO BE DONE! - Next... by 19.55 Yonah was tucked-in and the day was done. - Now... 20.36, that covers it and I'm off to have a bit of ice cream (more of which I desperately need but won't even be trying until Thursday and I hope I won't be charged extra for that in addition to the brakes). - The "fillings" are beginning to loosen too... probably come out with brushing tonight... so I need to get more of that. I don't understand why they're not lasting... but then again... everything is just SHIT these days. - Enough... time to post these journals. I want to grab a copy of the server for Yonah's site before replacing things... so I want it current to the moment. - I'm tired... could go right to rack but... I know better: too early and I'll be up all night with CONTRACTIONS! FUCK. - 22.11 And that street light, in the rain, is absolutely... Adirondack!

Wed.08.Jun: 20.48 I over-slept this morning... didn't get out of the bed until almost 6.00! Yonah called at 6.14 as I was trying to get coffee together so it turned into quite the "running relay"! But we got it all done... and I got dressed and headed out to put the sun-flower seedlings in. But it wasn't MOMENTS until a chipmunk was there, EATING ONE OF THEM... EVEN THOUGH THEY WERE GENEROUSLY COVERED IN A MIXTURE OF CAYENNE, BLACK AND WHITE PEPPER! I re-set the jug trap and managed to get two of them in it during the course of the day, but I just left them in there. I DID, how-ever, manage to get ONE with a spray of vinegar... IT DIDN'T SEEM TO PHASE THE LITTLE SHIT! It's suppose to rain tomorrow, so THAT will be interesting to see how many seedlings survive. SEVEN of those containers... each one with no less than 10 seedlings! FUCK! But I have another 7 seeded tonight... WHY? I don't know. - In other news... today came a notice from "Empire" DECLINING AUTHORISATION FOR THE CT! FUKTARDS! They claim that because the initial Dx was "granuloma", a follow-up CT isn't necessary. Hey! I don't have Empire any more anyway. And that's just one of the many reasons why. - OK... I've managed to get Yonah's server space cleaned-up and the files are replaced. I still have to go back and change the "navs" on the Journal pages though. But not tonight, though I'm tempted. - AND... BEFORE HEADING FOR BED, I HAVE A FILLING TO REPLACE... A LARGE ONE! I need to buy more Dentemp too! I don't understand why this is falling out so quickly. To think... I'm not drinking, so it isn't the alcohol. BUT... THE BOTTOM TEETH ARE STRANGE... SPACES... THAT'S BECAUSE I'VE MANAGED TO GET RID OF SO MUCH OF THE PLAQUE AND TARTAR THAT HAD BUILT-UP BETWEEN THEM... USING THE PEROXIDE. Oh well... - And I'm dreading tomorrow... the cost of the brake job... hoping that the exhaust doesn't fall off completely whilst the truck is on the lift! It would be my "luck"... especially now that I MIGHT be looking at an "interview"... then a trip to Plattsburgh for a pee test, and TWO trips to Albany. AND NO MONEY! - BUT, at least the NYSEG bill is complete. - And tomorrow, I really OUGHT to get to market some-how. Hopefully Richie will send me off with a truck when the "check" is done. We shall see... there's nothing I can do about it until then. - Right now, it's 21.02 already... so much for trying to get to the rack before 22.00. So... I'll post what I have and attend to the rest tomorrow. At least the trip to Richie isn't but 3 minutes... the wait will be the hardest part... I imagine MUCH tightness and light-headedness during THAT... - Oh... and this lap-top is fucking about... everything from the "selection of text" to the typing and such. The "touch pad" is shitting. HERE WE GO! But to be honest, it HAS been getting quite the work-out BUT NOT NOW! NOT YET! - 22.37 To the rack! But at least no blaring, glaring, stalag lighting! There's that.

Thu.09.Jun: 5.23 Coding! Yeah... I'm up. And there's a bit of "tweaking" to be done on Yonah's site before it gets carried away. (Though I do wonder just how many actually refer to it and, "history" has proved that people tend to just let broken links, typos, misspellings, grammar go by... like as for example, when I asked people to "proof" "Bitter-Sweet"... "Oh! It's perfect!" Fucking liars.) OK... on with it! - OH... THERE WAS AN OWL HOOTING AWAY "OFF IN THE PARK" as it were, AGAIN, LAST NIGHT, AS I READ! THE THINGS WE HAVE, when they're not being blinded and frightened by "technology"... and BULL-SHIT technology at that! It really is delightful! - 12.15 Yonah's site is up and good (as far as I can see, which, these days isn't much to brag about). There might be little bits here and there but, so far, it's cleaned. Now, I have a bit of "modifications" I'd like to get to in the "Care" pages, because I've learnt SO MUCH from Yonah over these months and I really would like to have it put where people can find it. I MOST SERIOUSLY doubt that many if any will ever be intelligent enough to heed any of the information, but... I do, Deborah probably does... there might be somebody out there who'll go through what I went through and maybe this will help.... (Now to figure out how to keep it up and running... after we're "gone"...) - MADE IT TO RICHIE'S THIS MORNING... IN THE PISSING-DOWN RAIN! Well, it wasn't all that bad at 10.40, when I left here... The truck wasn't happy at start-up... It hadn't been started and run in almost 2 weeks. I have to keep an eye on that! Make sure to run it... BUT THERE'S ALMOST ONLY 1/4 TANK OF GAS AND GAS IS... WELL... THINKING ABOUT IT COULD DRIVE ONE TO MURDER... AS IT DOES THESE DAYS ANYWAY... SO... AND THE WIPER BLADES ARE FUCKED... ANOTHER EXPENSE... ANYWAY, THE GUY PUT THE TRUCK ON THE LIFT AND WAS CHECKING THINGS SO I WENT OVER TO CHECK THINGS TOO... THE BLOODY-FUCKING EXHAUST PIPE RUSTED OFF THE BLOODY-FUCKING MUFFLER !!!!! I DON'T KNOW HOW/IF/HOW A "PATCH" IS GOING TO WORK ON THAT AND THE FUCKING THING HAS TO BE IN-FUCKING-SPECTED NEXT FUCKING MONTH! Oh well... that's my lot: HAMMER ME WITH ALL YOU HAVE WHEN I'M LEAST PREPARED! SHIT... AND THEN... RICHIE TELLS ME... THE JOB IS GOING TO RUN ABOUT 500$ !!!!! (or more). SO, WHEN I TOLD HIM I HAVE TO WAIT THEN, UNTIL JULY.... COMMENT? "It's tough when you're on a fixed income." FUCK YOU! THANKS. When I told him about NYSEG quading my electric, he claims he's seen NO change in HIS rates... "on The Grid". C'mon... fuktard. He's good for taking the cash and running along. I'm now becoming quite suspicious about the work Although, the mechanic did say that it's only the one brake that I figured hasn't been done... so there's that much. On other thing: He has an '05 Silverado, I have an '04, when I asked about the proper size wind-shield wiper, he didn't know (or claimed so), and when I asked about the cost of the exhaust... he couldn't say. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? EITHER YOU'RE FUCKING RETARDED OR JUST A BALL-SUCKING SCUM WHO DOESN'T WANT TO BE ARSED. I'm obviously not in the best of spirits. THEN HE "advises": THAT I DON'T DRIVE ABOUT, AND USE THE HAND-BRAKE IF I MUST. OH? BEFORE IT WAS "OH... You can... just drive slowly." Maybe it's me... Maybe not... What-ever it is... - At least I have the month of July for the inspection... and I can just do the reg on-line... There that... - AND IT DID MAKE IT TO MARKET... 101$ FOR, ESSENTIALLY THE SAME SHIT AND QUANTITY I'D BOUGHT ABOUT 2 WEEKS AGO FOR ABOUT 70$ !!!!! WHAT WHAT WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK FUCK FUCK ‽‽‽‽‽‽‽‽‽‽ THE BLOODY VEGGIES IN THE BAGS ARE UP 20¢ AND MOSTLY STEMS NOW. KRISTE ONLY KNOWS WHAT ELSE... I DID CHECK THE RECEIPT BUT... AND, THE BROAD AT THE CASHE INSISTED ON "Lending a hand" WITH THE PACKING, ALMOST DIDN'T GIVE ME A RECEIPT, DIDN'T BOTHER WITH THE LITTLE "GAME CARDS" AND THE TOTE AS A FUCKING MESS WITH THE BLOODY PACKING! OK... Maybe I'm put off about things today but... FUCK FUCK FUCK !!!!! - And then... rolled back to the shit-box in a down-pour... THE ONLY ONLY ONLY ONLY ONLY ONLY PART OF EXISTENCE AND CREATION THAT MAKES ANY OF THIS WORTH ANY WHILE... ***** YONAH ***** MY HEART, MY SOUL, THE ONLY REASON FOR TAKING A NEXT BREATH !!!!! - Thankfully... nothing in today's post. The PO job posting is extended through Monday-week so no major hauling trips to come for that... I'm just in SHUT-FUCKING-DOWN at the moment... I LITERALLY CANNOT CARE ANY MORE... I JUST CAN'T - 14.52 Liztoon abattoir rang at about "lunch-break". CT TOMORROW MORNING AT 10. He gave me a choice of time and date but I just want this over and done. THEY STILL HAVE MY INSURANCE AS "EMPIRE"! AND I HAVEN'T RECEIVED ANY NOTICES FROM UNITED AS TO COVERAGE! But then, Dan says that they cover ALL sorts of CT, MRI, ETC. for him so we shall see. AND a blood draw too. What a jolly morning ahead! AND NO BRAKES on the truck. Ought to be quite the experience... if nothing else. - Rain's stopped... temporarily AND THE BLOODY-FUCKING RODENTS WERE RIGHT AT THE SEEDLINGS ALMOST IMMEDIATELY !!!!! I WENT OUT AND GAVE THE WHOLE THING ANOTHER HEFTY SPRINKLING OF MORE PEPPER MIX. Thus far, they're avoiding it, but... JEEZUS! THIS TOO, IS PISSING ME OFF !!! - 20.32 I am SO tired, for some reason now. I mean... SO TIRED! The rains have stopped and now it's becoming that "chilly-damp" for the night. - Thankfully, my Little Guy is all tucked-in for the night... 20.05. He was eating... AND I MEAN... EATING !!!! SO HUNGRY! But I'm relieved to see him eating. He has a great appetite, and it's a tonic to the soul to know that he won't be spending the night hungry. I have a bit of "cod liver oil" seed settling for him for tomorrow. The sun doesn't really shine in through his windows at this time of the year and... that's all the more that keeps my mood and attitude as DOUR as it is. I've no place to bring him where he can get that sun-shine, with that QUNT next door. I NEED to block the back gallery.... WE NEED TO GET THE ACTUAL FUCK OUT OF AND AWAY FROM THIS SHIT-BOX! - Oh... United called... some guy... young, a bit on the "ditz-side" to tell me that he's my "point of contact" should I need any assistance. Oh jolly... and called at 17.30! DINNER-HOUR. I was pleasant, of course, but... what-ever. Let's just see what they do and don't cover...The little ditz says, "If you receive a bill, just give us a call. What-ever we don't cover, Medicaid will..." OK... We shall see (said the blind man). - I actually spoke with Deborah this evening... thought that, since she goes into Liztoon in the mornings at about 9.30... maybe a lift? That way that much less stress on the brakes.
(I'm catching-up again... on Saturday... at 14.49... ONLY JUST having caught-up with Yonah's Journal from this far back too! And today, it's a LOT of that "Fatigue" again! No matter what I do or eat or how much coffee and tea... as I type... I just get SO BLOODY EXHAUSTED! Oh well... enough whining... NOTES TIME! Before I lose it again.)
(Notes of 20.28) So... I gave in and decided to give Deborah a call... was thinking: she comes by the house at about 9.30 just about every morning en route to "Nancy's" in town, so I was thought, I might be able to grab a lift at least in to the abattoir for the CT and I could certainly walk back... it'd probably take me a good 2 hours, since I'm not in shape any more but still... at least I wouldn't be doing any more damage to the brake on the truck. Well... She's offered to drive me TO AND FROM! Says that the timing would be perfect because that's about how much time she stays with Nancy anyway! - Another thing I'm thinking" I'm almost at 1/4 tank of gas in the truck and the CHEAP shit is now already "5,099" (morons and imbeciles... 5,10$!) I don't even DARE to think what the "non-ethanol" is now... WELL OVER 6$/gallon, I'm sure! I'm going to have to re-fill the tank... a little at a time at this rate. I mean, just 1/4 tank to bring it to half again... There's 40$ at least, right there! There's NO way I can afford to just fill it again... certainly not THIS month... To think, there's money in the savings... almost 500... but even that's short of what I actually need... JUST FOR THE BLOODY BRAKES! Oh jolly FUCK! (And if I actually DO get the PO job... TWO bloody trips to Albany... and EACH ONE IS A TANK OF GAS! JUST THE FUCKING GAS ALONE... 300$!!! I don't know HOW I'm going to pull this off. But then again... I HAD ABSOLUTELY NOTHING EXCEPT A 50$ "GIFT CARD" WHEN I HAD TO GO FROM FUKLIN TO MAINE! AND THAT WAS A HELL OF A LOT FARTHER AWAY. Oh well... - Deborah offered, again, to loan me the rest of what I need for the brakes. I just don't want to start accepting money from her! Sure, I'm good for it... I wouldn't DARE NOT to be. But... - I'm tired and my neck is stiff and sore today. Is there any wonder? The teeth on that side... the LEFT, are bothering me too. "Teeth"... most of them aren't even stumps... just these little "points" above the gum-line... FUCK! - At least Yonah's Journal is mostly done... THIS one is just notes for the entire day! I just don't have the energy... I just don't. - Tomorrow... I have to cook the chicken I bought today... mostly because I ate the last of the cooked, this evening. AND I have to cook that dozen eggs in there... Make bread? I don't know... and tonight, I can't care. - And then there's Hoovering that should have been done but again... hasn't been. - Oh... CT, blood-work... ONE JUST WONDERS WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK THEY'LL FIND THIS TIME AROUND. I'M SICK AND TIRED OF BEING FUCKING SICK AND TIRED! REALLY! But.. I've got my Little Guy... my Heart-and-Soul, and in a life-time of "debt"... my debt to him negates ALL others... So.. must to take care of me... so that I can provide him with ALL his due! And... WITH LOVE LOVE LOVE! - I was looking at the collection of the little "thumb drives" that I've accumulated. There's something I want to go through and see what's on them. Sick, to have them but can't remember what's on them.... and one of them is from "SIBL" !!!! Of course, it's missing that "March" entry of the Journal from the "Shelter Days". "Always something there to remind me"... A WORLD OF FUKTARDS! Anyway... I could use another SeaGate just for them! But I'll have to check and see what's on them... maybe condense onto one? What-ever... another something to "occupy" a day - Now... let's hope I can "'catch-up" (a-fucking-gain) with these Journals... tomorrow and Saturday. Fuck me for this "fatigue" and shit! - At least tonight... French Vanilla... and "Cornwall" videos to watch! It's fascinating to see the name's-sake. Were it not so flat and treeless, it would be beautiful... it's got gorgeous coast-line! - 22.06 Better than 22.30 or 22.45 or 23.30... but one of these days, I'd like, very much, to get back to 21.30! HAH! "I'd like"... dumbass.

Fri.10.Jun: 5.43 Up. Dressed. And don't know why. Deborah will be here in 4 hours (but SHIT! they go quickly). One zip through the CT and day's done. Though I would like to go find a couple of trees for Yonah, if possible. But last night, no contractions, right off to sleep... HAH... "sleep"... I was up often... with congestion and coughing. That's returned. I wonder why. But here we are, another day, and I could go right back to the rack. Not so much the "tired" as it was comfy... and I don't look forward to days... other than MY LITTLE HEART-AND-SOUL who is still on his perch... - I have ALL of yesterday, for him and me, to journal too, this morning. So.. ONWARD BUTTERCUP! - 6.32 Getting caught-up with this journal... and not a sound from Yonah! I'm off to check.. - 7.16 Yonah is up... he was "sleeping-in" a bit. I stepped in to "wake" him and, right after the water relay, I'd put some seed in with cod-liver oil on and he was eating... first thing this morning! But... he's OK... in spite of the 64°F in the house... AND THE FURNACE STARTED! I HAVE THE FRONT DOOR OPEN FOR AIR AND THE BLOODY FURNACE STARTED RUNNING !!! IN FUCKING JUNE! WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE IN FOR ? I DON'T DARE TO ASK. - (OK.... 15.22 ON SATURDAY AND THE "CATCH-UP" CONTINUES...)
19.13 I'm WAY behind again... and don't have the energy to catch-up now so... hopefully I'll force me to do so tomorrow. (Yeah... look at this... and here I am, rushing through again... FUCK!)
Deborah came at, probably 9.30 on the mark and drove me up to the hospital. It was fun, rolling along with her. We chatted all the way. It's good talking with her. Politics aside, we DO have "the important matters of life in common"... particularly where "the world, in general", is concerned. And ESPECIALLY the Little Ones! - At the abattoir... I got there, went through the usual "Hello and what are your particulars?" bit. And I HOPE they've taken the "Empire" OFF the records at last! (I still have to get to the "clinic" to make sure THEY do!) But got the blood drawn immediately. Only ONE vial. I wonder... but they told me what they're drawing for and the "LDL" is THE MOST important of ALL... Then, zip right across the hall to sit and wait for the CT. They'd brought another old guy in just just as I'd arrived so I had to wait for him, and then the tech came out to say that she had to "clean up" for me next. OK... Ah... "W/O Contrast" this time... I don't know if I like that idea but at least it made it quicker and that was important to me this morning... Deborah insisted that she'd come back to fetch me when I'd done so I wanted to make sure to be out to the car-park right away... so she wouldn't have to sit and wait! THE TECH SAID IT WOULD TAKE AT LEAST 48 HOURS FOR THE RESULTS... THEY'RE "500 CASES BEHIND" ALREADY THIS MORNING, FOR READINGS! What-the-fuck-ever... I don't know why... and I don't care... really. No doubt, all of this fuckerie and bull-shit about all sorts of "pandemics"... DOLTS! - The whole thing was a "zip in, through and out". - Deborah was in there when I got out and... AS I GOT INTO THE CAR, SHE HANDED ME 200$ AND INSISTED THAT I TAKE IT, CALL RICHIE AND GET THE BRAKES DONE IMMEDIATELY! What was I to do? Yes, I need the loan, the brakes. But I SO wanted to hand it back to her, but then I keep remembering what LC had told me, all those years ago, and I can't argue: "You know how you feel when you can do something to help somebody else? Well, you're being so selfish and unfair to others when you deny the rest of us that same feeling when we want to help you when you need and you refuse!" She was angry when she'd said it too... and, as I say, she was right. The relief was when I said, to Deborah "This IS a 'loan'." and she said "Yes, it is, and you'll pay it back when you can." So, hey... now I can pay her back... and sneak in the other 150! Some-how. She offered "Where can I take you next? The market? Aubuchon's? Family Dollar? The Farmers' Market is open. I don't need anything but if you'd like to walk through... if you don't mind me talking to everybody. I know so many people there." I told her that there really wasn't anything else I needed so... as we pulled away she said "If you don't get to see the baby blue-birds soon, they'll be gone. Want to stop by to see them?" She obviously was offering so I accepted and we went to "the farm". - As we passed Steart's the prices on gas... "5,099" for the CHEAPEST SHIT... "6,499" for diesel !!!!! I;m figuring I'm going to be paying at least that 6,50/gal for non-ethanol! OH but I don't want death for any of them... Death is too kind... ROT... just ROT! It isn't necessary... it's pure EVIL... that's all... But it puts one in a mind set: THEY can shred US with-our repercussion... it's no wonder violence is on the rise. GOD IS DEAD. - Mean-while... at the farm... It was strange because the last time I was there, it was covered in snow... and that wasn't all that long ago. Today, the lawn was green, her gardens in bloom... AND ROSIE WAS SO GLAD TO SEE ME! IT DID MY HEART SO MUCH GOOD TO BE SO WELCOMED BY HER! I almost wanted to cry, with honour. And the little birdies are SO CUTE! All I could think of was "New Life"... new Little Ones... almost ready to take off into a world so full of destruction. - Julio was building two fences where Deborah wants to plant roses... to hide their generator and the propane tank. She was so proud of the fences and Julio was quite welcoming, though he was busy with the property. It really was a pleasant visit... but, honestly, I wanted to get back to Yonah... and Deborah might have sensed it because we were back in the car and back to this little shit-box. Luckily, Deborah had to fetch her post so the trip really wasn't too much out of her way. - When I got back in, Yonah OBVIOUSLY MISSED ME... and I need not say I MISSED HIM SO SO SO VERY VERY VERY MUCH! But, we were together again... for the rest of the day and that was GREAT! - I tried Richie's number... got the answering machine. He must be closed today... a 3-day week-end... but then, I remember he does close odd days in Summer so... I mean, it was 11.30... imagine that... all that got accomplished in only 2 hours! So... I'll have to try again on Monday... which will result in, no doubt... some day the week after. When I brought the truck in for the "check" Richie was all "I can hardly keep up". He's not as "warm" as he used to be... I wonder... But in these times, to have work, he ought to be thrilled. People... fuck... and I keep remembering how he said "When you're living on a fixed income"... Yeah... YOU should only have a clue! - Never mind... Monday morning... - From there, most of the day was looking at those thumb-drives... but HEY... I HAVE ALL OF MY USPS WORK HISTORY DOCS! AND THE DRAWER COUNTS! NOT THAT THEY'LL MEAN ANYTHING AT THIS JUNCTURE. BUT IT'S FUN TO KNOW THAT I HAVE THEM. AND THEY GIVE ME A SENSE OF "TIME"....
PINE BUSH: 13 JULY 1992 (imagine ... the 13th... and it's already almost THIRTY (30) FUCKING YEARS AGO! That's when I was biking, at 6.00, along 52, from Walker Valley, in the RAIN! How I remember THAT!... 30 FUCKING YEARS AGO! That's when I was in New Prospect! AND... making 6$/hr! Fuck
WALKER VALLEY: 01 NOV 2004. THAT was the 19 CTN year! 8,65$/hr.
CRAGSMOOR: 26 NOV 2005, Cox Rd., Chris... after being tossed from CTN! Walking up the mountain in the blizzards. 9,52$/hr.
Then... FUKLIN... 18 FEB 2014 AND MY RESIGNATION 06 MARCH 2015... 12,94$/hr.
DAYS INN BULLSHIT... JULY 2012
GOOD TIMES, GOOD DAYS... AND FUCKERIES UP THE COLON TO THE EYE-BALLS.
AND I HAVE THE ORIGINAL ".txt" FILE OF MY ACTUAL RESIGNATION!
Again, not that any of this does anything about the application for NR PO, but... with the application, the imbeciles can find all these records too. But what a reminder of the fuckery of VT...as if I need that. Still, funny to have all the "spread sheets" for counts and the likes. Ah... how "cute"... fuck. - I DID manage to get the chicken baked though but... THE SHIT BAKED-DOWN TO HALF THE SIZE IT WAS WHEN RAW AND THE PAN WAS FULL OF WATER! THEY'RE "PLUMPING" WITH WATER! AND CHARGING ALMOST 4$/POUND... FRO FUCKING WATER! 3,99$/lb FOR FUCKING WATER! SOMEBODY OUGHT TO ROT... MISERABLY! - AND... I "hahdberld" 6 eggs for tomorrow...for Yonah and I. So that much got done. - Later this after-noon...
***** LABS ARE IN! LDL IS *DOWN*.... FROM 211 TO 51 !!!! WELL SHIT! BANG! WOW!
ON THE OTHER HAND.. BUN AND CREAT ARE SLIGHTLY ELEVATED. GLUCOSE TOO, BUT NONE ARE "TOO HIGH" SO THERE'S NOTHING REALLY TO WORRY OVER... AND ALL ELSE? "WNL" WOOHOO!
Honesty, NONE of this would have ANY bearing on ANYTHING... were it not for MY LITTLE HEART-AND-SOUL! AND... WE KEEP THIS UP FOR AS LONG AS HE DOES.
In other news.... GOT THE HOUSE HOOVERED THIS EVE AFTER MEAL. So all is nice for the week-end... Not that that means anything in particular.... and I still need to wash the bed-linens... Maybe Sunday... "Maybe". - Put Yonah's "oiled" seeds out for the Yardies... waiting for the bloody rodents now... FUCK! I grow weary of this place... rodents in the yard... vermin next door. And all the while, all I hear on the "health front" is "reduce stress". FUCK THIS PLACE!!! I'm tired of this bull-shit-fuckery! - AND... MOST OF THE SUN-FLOWERS ARE GONE AGAIN! FUCK FUCK FUCK! - 21.51 DAY IS DONE! I'M OFF TO THE RACK! ("Reduce stress"... FUCK ME SHOOT ME!) But, I suppose it was "accomplished"... for all that means. Now... to CONTRACTIONS! At least the hour is "21-something" and not "23". I'll pay for this... no doubt.

Sat.11.Jun: 7.16 Slept-in, as it were, until 5.30! - A Dreamlette:
One of those "momentary" things.... I was with somebody... not sure who or where or why, sitting on the edge of a bed and I suddenly realised that I'd sat on my reading glasses! When I looked, the weren't just bent, they were completely bent out almost straight across and one lens was missing, and I didn't have another pair! I was worried but not terribly since I can still see with-out them anyway.... And... I woke... after having turned off the alarms and hitting "Snooze" thrice.
Had one curt episode of contraction in the feet last night, due to the cold in the room. But got up, put the socks on and was "out for the night". Still, woke this morning so bloody tired... as usual. - BLOODY HELL! I OPENED THE FRONT DOOR FOR MERE MOMENTS AND THE FUCKING FURNACE STARTED RUNNING! IT'S SET AT 65F! FUCK THIS SHIT! JUNE, DAMINIT! JEEZUS KRISTE! - I went in to check on Yonah at 6.45... literally scared sick. But... he was up... just quiet... so we got morning routine done.. and he's been so VOCIFEROUS SINCE. - But he's OK... I'm OK... and it's on with the day... I HAVE A SHIT-LOAD OF JOURNALLING TO GET DONE AGAIN! And it's supposed to be in the 20s... with sun. And here we are... TRAPPED in this fucking shit-box. - Off to the day. - 16.55 FINALLY CAUGHT UP WITH THE JOURNALS AGAIN... Just in time for evening Meal. - AH... made ONE GRAND ERROR:
BLOODY PHONE "BLINKED" ABOUT 30 MINUTES AGO... ANOTHER BLOODY "MISSED CALL" ON THE SKYPE NUMBER! I DON'T KNOW WHY OR WHEN OR HOW... I TRIED IT AND IT RANG THROUGH TO THE HOUSE PHONE AS IT SHOULD. BUT IT CLAIMS IT WAS THE ABATTOIR!!! BUT THEY CALLED YESTERDAY WITH THE LAB WORK SO I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE... ANYWAY... I WENT BACK TO LOOK AT THE LAB RESULTS... ***** NOW THE "HDL" IS LOW !!!!! ***** I didn't take notice of that yesterday but CHECKING NOW? WELL... OF COURSE... IT'S CONSIDERED TERRIBLY LOW. MORE OF THAT BULL-SHIT ABOUT "STROKE, HEART ATTACK"... WHAT-IN-THE-FUCK'S-NAME? Then again... if the Atorvastatin dropped the LDL so much, the rest is to be expected. AND... the "Glucose" being slightly elevated? The Atorvastatin too. ONE THING LEADS TO ANOTHER. FUCKED.
Meal time... I can't be bollocksed any more... Just so long as I'm OK to take care of MY LITTLE HEART-AND-SOUL who's been *** LUVIN' *** TODAY! MY ONLY REASON FOR TAKING ANOTHER BREATH! LOVE HIM! - 19.03 I CAN'T BELIEVE IT... I'M SO CURRENT! CAUGHT-UP (again)! - And dishes are done... water relay is done... and Yonah and I are some-what settling down for the evening with his bird-songs and the radio. - FUCKED-UP PART? I DON'T KNOW WHO OR WHERE, BUT THIS EVENING, SOME-WHERE SOMEBODY'S BURNING GARBAGE, REFUSE... SHIT! THE FUCKING AIR WAS ACRID AS ALL HELL! ACTUALLY BURNED MY THROAT, INHALING THROUGH MY NOSE! SO... I CLOSED THE HOUSE UP AND PUT THE FANS ON... THE BED-ROOM ON "EXHAUST", YONAH'S ON "EXCHANGE". THAT FILTRE GOT A PROPER TEST THIS EVENING AND... IT'S WORKING! QUITE NICELY! THE AIR COMING IN SMELLS FINE! AND I IMAGINE WHAT'S HAPPENING IS THAT THE "EXHAUST" SIDE IS PULLING THE AIR FROM THE ROOM OUT, AND BECAUSE THE FILTRE IS THERE, SOME OF THAT, MIXED WITH AIR FROM OUT-SIDE IS WHAT'S COMING IN. COULD BE WORSE. BUT BEATS SIMPLY CLOSING THE PLACE UP COMPLETELY. AT LEAST THE AIR IS CIRCULATING. AND SOON ENOUGH, WE'LL BE CLOSING UP FOR THE NIGHT ANYWAY, AND THE BLINDS AND CURTAINS WILL BE OVER THE FAN SO THEY'LL FILTRE TOO. ***** MEAN-WHILE... ALL DAY... NO YARDIES! Not even the rodents. BUT THE MOTOR-CYCLES HAVE BEEN *****ROARING***** THROUGH ALL BLOODY DAY SO I WOULDN'T DOUBT THEY'RE CHASING EVERYTHING AWAY. THERE'S PROBABLY SOME KIND OF "RALLY" LOCALLY SO I'M DREADING TOMORROW! NO DOUBT WE'RE IN FOR ABSOLUTE HELL UNTIL THESE DICKLESS IMBECILES LEAVE! But, as I posted to Twtr: If you break-down and come here for help, there's nobody home and my phone is out of service. FUKKEM... FUKKEMALL! - 20.17 I can't believe it: ALL the journals are to the moment... and I'm posting all the work... and ready for ice cream, Cornwall and THE RACK! - My upper left teeth ("teeth" yeah, right) are bothering me tonight, and the sinuses above them. But that acrid stink is gone and the fans are off and the front door is open so... - I'm posting... I'm tired... that's that. - And tomorrow... tree-hunting... for my little Heart-and-Soul who is now tucked-in for the night. May the dickless bikers be where they ought to be... preferably in some... OH... JUST as I type this THREE come roaring by! I've NO compassion any more and the wishes in my heart are... unmentionable. Fucking shits! - Time to close this and the day... - "Reduce stress" say all the medical references... Yeah? GET US THE FUCK OUT OF HERE! - 21.35 Nice... ALMOST getting to the "old days". MUST keep trying to keep trying this!

Sun.12.Jun: 14.45 Up and out of the rack at 5.30... after a night of, to the best of memory... sleep-through. Yonah woke at 6.21 and from there... save a 30-minute nap, from which I woke...SNORING... windows and doors open, warm breezes, my list of "accomplishments"? Fukkall. I've been "doing" little shit here and there. And none of it is "memorable". The only thing I can comment on is that, this after-noon, for no reason, as I was trying to figure a feeder for Yonah's window, I got this "sensation"... awash with trepidation. So I saged the house. If anybody had commented, after yesterday's smoke, I would have gone off. - OH, wait... yes... The bed linens and my sleep scrubs got washed. The sheets are dry... the rest is on the rack on the gallery. - Deborah stopped by this morning with a slice of apple pie. We chatted, briefly. She's always in a rush. But that's fine. - And... OF COURSE... LUVIN'S WITH MY LITTLE HEART-AND-SOUL! - Quite congested today... sinuses and that, mostly. Tight in the chest. Fatigued. Can't seem to get to "doing" anything. I'm pissed because I would SO LOVE to take Yonah out-side on days like this... warm, nice breezes... but there's no place to do that in this shit-hole any more. - McFuknut is stacking fire-wood. The VTqunt is... just not in sight. - Though about trees for Yonah but, it being "Sunday"... I'll go tomorrow, when "others" are more likely away, in offices... some-where with something to do. - I'm just "ill at ease" today. Fuck. -
19.07 THE RACE-BAITER IS BACK IN THE HAMLET !!! AND IT AND IT'S LITTLE LACKEY WERE AT THE McFUKNUTZ', VISITING ON THE FRONT PORCH... AND THE QUNT WAS OVER WITH THEM !!! ISN'T THAT SOMETHING? First of all, that the instigator still has the audacity to show in town, never mind... "visit"! AND THEN, that the qunt would go over and be there, knowing what trouble that thing caused in VT. WELL... it sets ME and the rest of MY time here... may it be short. NO next doorsers... of ANY sort! Now I wonder, since the tables are in "the park" (and I have to go check to see what's left in the garage now) and the lawn there is mowed... "July" is the usual "Annual Picnic"... I wonder if the race-baiter will have the audacity to make an appearance this year... And I wonder if "JD" will be around for it... because I'd delight in the two of us... and perhaps, we could get Corina, the former PMR, to stop by... and we can "show photos"... the print-outs, and "share stories". How charming THAT would be. Eh? Anyway, I don't mind saying that it REALLY GIVE ME AN UN-SETTLED FEELING... ALTHOUGH, PERHAPS *THAT* WAS THE CAUSE OF THE SUDDEN URGE TO "SAGE" THE HOUSE? EVIL IS IN THE AREA! WE'LL HAVE TO KEEP CAREFUL WATCH NOW. ESPECIALLY WITH THAT LITTLE "TRIO" OF THE NEXT-DOORSERS AND THAT THING ON "THE HILL"... THERE'S EVIL IN NEW RUSSIA NOW!
Rain is falling... of course now. I wanted to put the trees out in it but storms tonight with a low of 14°... probably not a good idea. Might be more rain on Thursday though... Hopefully by then I'll have the appointment to get the brake done? (I'm not counting on it, of course). - Anyway.. it's 19.17, 19°, rain falling... Hey! If there's a "lights out" tonight... (a) THAT SHIT-SACK BEST NOT BANG ON WALLS and (b) if it needs "help"... as I've said on social media: My door's locked and my phone's out of service... It's got "chummies"... let THEM come to help. I'm back "IN A NEW YORK CITY STATE OF BEING", where this place is concerned. And if any come to my door? Well then, there's PLENTY here to "greet" them with... to be sure. - I need to stop this... - At least tonight... clean bed linens, clean scrubs... and I WILL shower before hopping into the rack. HOW WONDERFUL! - And tomorrow? WE DO YONAH'S HOUSE... He's been scratching again AND BESIDES...
***** 20-MONTH ANNIVERSARY! JUNE CLEANING! 20-MONTH ANNIVERSARY !!!
20.09 Yonah is tucked-in for the night. The rains have stopped and the clouds are clearing, just in time for the setting sun. I'm pretty sure there was a rainbow out there, some-where, at some point, but the truth of the matter is: tonight, I'm not really concerned about such things. I'm ill-at-ease with this "bigot's" presence in town. I don't trust it or its cohorts. They're not mentally stable, not very intelligent, and capable of any sort of violence... as has been proved in the latest news coverages. The ONE GOOD point of this shit-box is that, if they do any sort of damage... their precious post office goes too. So? There's that much to be considered. (And, of course, I'm SURE that, should the PO even extend the common courtesy of an interview to me, there will be villagers and torches in protest so... FUKKEM... and FUKKEMALL!) I just NEED to get Yonah and I out of here... but immediately, I need to get the brake repaired so that we can take to the road to go look at/for better accommodations. Once we get that settled... the rest will be fine. And moving away from here? Well... Yonah doesn't have much of much out of this house. In a new place, he'll have the out-of-doors, sun-shine, fresh air... other doves and Yardies. We just have to get that place... SOON. And now, I don't care HOW... we just DO. - The storms in the forecast seem to be "not happening" tonight so there's that good too. And tomorrow looks to be pleasant... for HOUSE-KEEPING! I'll have to REALLY check the mosses before putting them into his house. I do NOT want "parasites" in there! And I'm trying to find vitamin supplements with-out "soy" but that seems almost impossible. And some kind of "treatment" against mites and the likes. If I have to dip into the savings, I'll get that right away. There are sprays that I can use, even after a good house-cleaning. HEY! There's NOTHING more important than my little Heart-and-Soul! - Well, the bed's made... I'm going to do ice cream and "Cornwall" now... shower and hit the rack. Let's see if I can manage to make it before 22.00 tonight... (HAH!) - 22.13 showered and I'm going directly to the rack for a little reading and... let's see how I'm "punished" tonight.

Mon.13.Jun: 15.03 done! POOR YONAH! I REALLY HIT HIS HOUSE WITH A VENGEANCE TODAY! Pulled it all apart, scrubbed everything, soaked the fountain tubing and pump, made new "braces" for under his "corner loft" so it doesn't wobble. Used the new rocks to make a new fountain, and used all of the remaining sand (so I'll be back at the river for more). Put in one little carpet of moss, with kitchen roll under it. I discovered some tiny flies on his food ledge and... I don't know where they came from but...HE HAS SOME KIND OF "SORE" ON HIS RIGHT WING! I TRIED TO SEE WHAT IT IS BUT IT'S JUST "DOWN-LIKE FEATHERS" THERE! THAT, AND THE ENDS OF HIS WING FEATHERS ON THE RIGHT WING LOOK "CHEWED"! I'M PISSED NOW! I CAN'T FIGURE WHAT IT IS... I'M THINKING IT MIGHT BE A VITAMIN DEFICIENCY! I NEED TO GET HIM INTO THE SUN-LIGHT! BUT... FUCK THIS SHIT-BOX!
20.02 At last! It was about SIX hours of "House-Keeping" today for Yonah's "Anniversary" and the "Quarterly Clean-up"! so the my poor Little Guy didn't get to "be with me" nor I with him for all of that time, with my running back and forth. - THEN, this morning, when I went to get the metre reading for NYSEG, I noticed that there's two BREAKERS under a black cover and AGAIN... THAT COVER WAS OPEN... AND ONLY FOR MY METRE! SO I CALLED NYSEG WHO, OF COURSE, DENIED HAVING ANY CONNECTION WITH IT... THEY SAID "CALL THE LAND-LOARD"... WELL? I DID. (But my phone or Alden's went dead as he was telling me some story about being stopped on the Northway in a "JagUHwar" that he has... imagine that... a "JagUHwar"... an OLD... "vintage" thing.) Anyway, of course, he had no idea what I'm talking about but assures that I'd know if somebody threw one or both of the switches... - Well... this afternoon... I phone NYSEG again, originally to ask why I can't submit my reading and... well... OVER AN HOUR... BUT THE WORST OF IT WAS THAT WHEN THE CHARMING, SWEET (truly) GAL ANSWERED THE CALL, MY BRAIN WENT BLANK... I LITERALLY COULDN'T REMEMBER WHAT I'D CALLED FOR! I'M SO FUCKED THESE DAYS... BUT I BELIEVE IT'S JUST BECAUSE THERE'S TOO MUCH THINKING GOING ON... CONSCIOUSLY OR OTHER-WISE! COME TO FIND OUT... I WAS NOT TAKE OFF THE BUDGET, CONTRADICTORY TO THE PREVIOUS FELLOW'S CLAIM... THE ACCOUNT STILL SHOWS THAT MY "BUDGET" PAYMENTS ARE STILL 180/MONTH PLUS THE 10 FOR THE "PAY-OFF" OF SOME "140" BALANCE ON SOMETHING. AND AN ADDITIONAL 500$ BALANCE ON THE "BUDGET" PLAN! WELL! THANKFULLY, AFTER CHATTING FOR AN HOUR, I'M OFF THE BUDGET, AND THE "HEAP" HASN'T BEEN POSTED, THE "PAYMENT PLAN" IS ON RECORD, AND THE FINAL ADVICE? WAIT FOR THE BILL TO COME AND THEN CALL TO RE-DO THE PAYMENT PLAN. OK... SOUNDS GOOD ENOUGH. ***** BUT ***** THIS MORNING I WENT TO THE GALLERY TO CUT SOME BLOCKS FOR YONAH'S LOFT AND THE QUNT WAS OUT THERE. I OFFERED APOLOGIES FOR THE SAWING DISTURBANCE SINCE IT WAS READING AND... OFF WE WENT... THERE'S ANOTHER CAT COMING ROUND AND SITTING ON HER FRONT PORCH AND SHE DIDN'T WANT ME THINKING IT WAS GORDON, AND THEN WE SOME-HOW SWUNG INTO THE INFLATION AND THEN SHE MENTIONED THAT HER NYSEG BILLS HAVE BEEN SMALLER ***** ***** ***** SO... I'M JUST GOING TO CALL "NYSERDA" AND HAVE THEM COME AND CHECK EVERYTHING IN THIS SHIT-BOX! NOW I WANT TO KNOW WHO'S PULLING MY ELECTRIC! I'M WONDERING IF THE PO SHED ISN'T ON MY METRE! I'LL HAVE TO CHECK THAT OUT TOO... OR... HAVE NYSERDA DO IT SO THESE SHIT-SIX SEE THAT I'M NOT FUCKING ABOUT. FOR NOW... WE WAIT UNTIL THE END OF THE MONTH AND THOUGH I'M SICKENED BY HAVING CHATTED WITH THE QUNT... IT'S INTERESTING THAT IT HAPPENED AND I HEARD ABOUT THE ELECTRIC... SOMEBODY'S STILL WATCHING ME.
That's the day... And it's 20.23... Yonah got tucked-in at about 20.00 and I REALLY got a look at his right wing. I thought maybe it might be a tick! I can't see anything... even with the stronger glasses. But I'm going to get some "tick/mite" dust for his house... just in case. - And... the racist has blocked "Dixie" on "theGram" account. Gutless shit! But now it's got something to chew on... It knows that somebody knows what it's up to... So there. - I want to shower before rack again, tonight. It was warm all day... open doors and windows... but WARM. - OH... Called Richie this morning, got Ben... the post-it that Richie jotted wasn't in the calendar... figures... but Ben has me down for Thursday... said to bring the truck in the morning. I'll try Richie again mean-while... just to make sure. I'm really tired of all this bull-shitfuckerie of late. - And the lap-top is mucking-up now too... The "select" with the touch-pad and shift is fucking about. - Oh... never mind... I still want to jot on Yonah's journal... and get to the rack "early-ish"... after a shower. - FOR THE SAKE OF THIS SHIT-BOX, THAT INJURY ON YONAH'S WING HAD BEST NOT BE BECAUSE THAT QUNT SLAMMED AGAINST THE WALL IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND HE TRIED TO "ESCAPE" FROM THE DANGER AND INJURED HIM-SELF BECAUSE NOT ONLY WILL I FUCKING TAKE HER ARSE TO COURT... FOR DAMAGES AND MEDICAL... SHE'LL BE TENTED IN THE DRIVE WHEN I GET DONE WITH THIS PLACE! - 22.12 CT RESULTS IN. NO DRASTIC CHANGES SINCE OCTOBER LAST, JUST A BIT OF "COLLAPSE" IN THE LOWER REGIONS, BUT A CHECK OF THAT SHOWS THAT IT COULD BE MUCOUS, DUST, ANY FOREIGN MATTER... BUT... I REALLY MUST CUT BACK TO THE 3-4 SMOKES A DAY, IF AT ALL... (I'M SADLY BACK UP TO ALMOST 10... WITH ALL THE BULL-SHIT HAPPENING! - 22.29 SHIT! SO LATE... AGAIN! NO MATTER HOW I TRY!

Tue.14.Jun: 20.17 It's been another non-stop day! - This morning, I just laid in the bed after the three alarms and was dozing, un-aware of the time that was passing, and in that half-doze, thinking of what I wanted to get done with the day: Yonah, his photos, pages, perhaps getting out to get some trees for him... when... suddenly...
woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo.... HE WAS AWAKE... AND I WAS STILL IN BED! SO.. I BOUNDED out of the bed, headed directly in to him and as I got his room together, I threw morning coffee together. In fact, I did the morning routine in the scrubs! Well! But I managed to get it all done, and the coffee, and the morning internet and buy about 8.30... I was at the work table, starting on the photos edits. - I did manage to get a 20-minute snooze in though... once I was "under way". But... - THEN... the phone rang... A recorded message from United Health... telling me that the next "Echo" was APPROVED! OK! Sadly... in Plattsburgh, because there's no place local that does it so... But it's approved! After the CT, I'm looking forward to knowing what's going on with me... after all... I NEED THE TIME... TO BE WITH YONAH! Other-wise, it would be easier just to stay in bed... and wait... "for God"... as they say. - OK... so I was relived about that much.... and THEN... THEN... as I was working along, editing and sorting through photos for June for Yonah's site, and coding the slide, monthly, the video for today... (Yonah was ALL OVER THE PLACE... ON MY SHOULDERS, FUTON... AND TOSSING THE MOSS ABOUT ALL OVER TOO... HE SO ENJOYS HAVING THAT)... THE PHONE AGAIN...
KEVIN... THE PM FROM LIZTOON! AN INTERVIEW! IMAGINE THAT! SO TOMORROW MORNING... 11.15... HERE... HE'S COMING TO THE PO FOR THE INTERVIEW! IMAGINE THAT! Of course, I'm still not planning on a "hire" but still... "SUCH FUN"! Ought to be interesting... I wonder if Crystal will stay for it. Hey, I've got nothing against her... so we shall see... Still... IMAGINE... ME... 67 YEARS OLD... A FUCKING JOB INTERVIEW! MAKES ME SICK TO THINK OF IT. But, it's a job I USED to so luv doing... hopefully it will be again. New Russia will have a fucking vomit-choke if...
Back to work and a break to check e-mails... A MESSAGE FROM DEMURO: CT LOOKS "FAIRLY STABLE. ANOTHER ONE IN 6 MONTHS", So I sent a quick reply thanking him, asked about my BUN and Creat... waiting to hear about that. BUT... "FAIRLY STABLE"! Well... emphysema isn't curable. And it doesn't get "better" so... I guess I'm doing OK... Still QUIT THE SMOKING! (I'm finished with the first "carton" already... THIS has GOT to stop! I have GOT to get the fuck out of this shit-box!)
Other than that... Yonah's photos DID, finally, get done... coded, pages and images to the server and it was time for evening MEAL... BLOODY HELL! NO trees or anything else all day. But I'm glad Yonah's site is current. I don't know where the time went because I really didn't dawdle. But anyway, that's how it goes these days.
Made a notation today: (19.12 Somebody in a car from VT came by this after-noon and took the qunt out. I have a job interview tomorrow. I'm betting on a night from absolute HELL over there, with banging long into the night.) It's now 20.31 and the rotted thing isn't back yet so... I'm anticipating a LOT of banging and thumping and bull-shit-fuckerie late tonight. If that thing disturbs Yonah... there'll be utter HELL... depending on the severity, it could be tonight... with police if need be, or tomorrow... AFTER the interview!
That said, there's nothing more... There's still day-light out there but I'm bloody tired! Considering a sleep on Yonah's futon in case of "need" during the night. I shouldn't but then again... the interview isn't until 11.00 tomorrow and he'll wake me on time for coffee and even a shower (which I want to take... and then I have to decide what to wear... "Interview" or "casual"... I'm leaning more toward "casual", to be honest... fresh under-things and shirt... We shall see how it rolls tomorrow. I wonder if "Kevin" will want to see the flat... I ought to show him the "loo" in the living-room though... maybe show him how the paper-towel dispenser and the blue box sound in here... "Opportunity"... we shall see.) - Now... Yonah's journal is coded... I'm going to put this one too, have a bit of a snack (I'm down on my ice cream!) and off to the rack... or to the futon... or both... we shall see about those too... - I SO HATE THIS FUCKING PLACE NOW! - 21.47 So far, the place is calm.. but I doubt it'll stay this way...

Wed.15.Jun: (Catching up with the notes... again... on Fri.17.Jun: 19.12) I was up and about this morning when Yonah called at 5.24! But I was getting the place "together" just in case "Kevin" decided to come to see the "place next door". I was almost hoping he would so he could see and then hear what bull-shit I have to listen to whilst that place is open. - Yonah got up, we did our morning routine and I watched as the time passed. BUT I did manage to get the two "sad" trees from Yonah's house planted out back. Made fresh nectar for the hummies... So there was that much accomplished in the morning. - At about 10.30, I headed to the shower, with the "Bat Oren", to make me AND the house smell "presentable". - Now, all morning... no phones, no visitors... nothing... BUT AT ABOUT 11.00... THE BULL-SHIT COMMENCED... THE BLOODY CLINIC. OK... SO THEY GOT ME FOR THE "ECHO" ON THE 26TH OF JULY... at 13.00... in Platts-fucking-burgh. "It was the best I could do with your time constraints." I don't care. I'd rather go to Albany Med but... with the truck and not knowing what's to come of this PO BS... So fine. - That established, I started to get dressed when... ring-ring-ring again... The bloody clinic. "Have you been vaccinated?" NO! OK. You need to be tested... FOUR DAYS AHEAD OF TIME! HOW FUCKING STUPID! Be at the clinic at 8.00 on the 21st... stay in the truck, they'll come out. WHAT THE FUCK? AND... SHE CAN'T SAY IF IT'S GOING TO BE JUST NASAL OR NASO-ESOPH! "They change sometimes." Yeah? Well... they come at me with that thing, ready to go up my nose and the whole charade is off... and I'll seriously be looking for a primary in Albany... and waiting even longer... because of the truck and... looking into trying to sue SOMEBODY for SOMETHING! FUCK! This is all simply bull-shit-fuckerie at this point now. - OK THEN... Got THAT shit done... 11.20... Kevin drives up as I'm looking out the front door... So I locked the front, went round to the back, explaining how people simply walk into the house (I'm tired of explaining that shit too) and into the PO we went... I sat on the stool, Kevin stood and we chatted... And I gave him my ENTIRE history... dropping names and ALL the particulars (save the "real" ones about Shedrick). Told him how well I'd done, how much I LOVED being a PMR until VT and he said "Oh yeah..." as if he was aware of that fiasco... I wonder if he didn't talk with that drugged-out qunt over there. Anyway... the "interview" was more like a "dossier" and lasted until about 12.15! It ended with "Do you want to proceed?" He says he has other interviews. I said "Sure. I didn't expect this much." but he commented "You're more than half-trained already." So there we have it... At my age, in this phase of my life... an job interview.. FUCK! - After... I CRASHED for most of the day. Not feeling all too well. Tight in the chest and really fatigued. But I don't believe I actually "slept" last night, waiting for the qunt to start thrashing. At one point I thought I'd heard Yonah 'HOO!" but it was my wheezing, still that put me off for the night. - For the rest of the day, I tried to stay awake and "DO" something with the time, but I was SO run-down... nerves... the interview... the qunt. - But YONAH WAS SO LOVING TODAY! IT WAS AWE-SOME-FULL !!! AS I SAT AT THE WORK TABLE, ALL I HAD TO DO WAS LOOK AT HIM AND HE CAME FLYING OVER! I HAVE A VIDEO ON HIS SITE OF IT! IT WAS BREATH-TAKING! IT JUST GAVE ME SO MUCH STRENGTH! HIS LOVE MEANS MORE TO ME THAN ANYTHING ELSE IN CREATION AND TODAY WAS... WELL... SOMETHING OUT OF A MOVIE! BUT OH! DID IT EVER MAKE IT DIFFICULT THIS EVENING, WHEN "SEEPIE-NIGH-NIGHT" TIME CAME. I WANTED TO STAY UP WITH HIM ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT! I WISH I COULD FIGURE A WAY TO LET HIM OUT OVER-NIGHT... AND I COULD STAY ON THE FUTON... since I can't squeeze into his house! WOW! - Ah well... then came the water relay and tuck-in and the day was done. - (From the notes here:) 2036 I'm tired... feeling "tight in the chest." No ambition... just want a bit of ice cream and to call this day DONE! Don't want to think, ponder, jot... just TIRED! - Starting the 2nd carton of smokes... seems the one lasted 4 weeks... so... Not good, not too bad though either. I remember when a carton would last a week! How the times have changed... so too... this old body! - Jotting notes... I just can't care... I just can't. - Tomorrow morning the truck goes to Richie again... I THINK! I'm not even sure Ben noted an appointment but I'll find out... tomomorrow. - OH NEWS: I LEARNED HOW TO "FIX" THE MUFFLER WITH FURNACE CEMENT! WITH MY 5$ OFF AT AUBUCHON... ABOUT 5$! NOW TO HOPE RICHIE'S CREW DOESN'T PULL IT APART! IT'S NOT A "PERFECT" WAY TO REPAIR THE THING, BUT IT OUGHT TO WORK! THEN... INSPECTION AND... WHAT-EVER! (Fucking shame can't afford gas now... oh well) - Rain tomorrow too... figures... I'll be walking back to the shit-box in it and then, no doubt, back to get the truck... IF that happens at all anyway. - Only the ONE "back-up" of ice cream in the freezer... I might.. I might not... but I MUST get to bed! SOON! - 22.04 And at 21.15 I was ready to quit... fuckin' soc.med. Oh well... here's to the rack!

Thu.16.Jun: (Catch-up from notes on Sat.18.Jun. @ 11.06... and here we go again..)
6.56 Woke this morning... at about 4.45 with the "5.00" alarm, as it's set, but HEAVY in the chest. Stayed, as I tend to do, on the rack until about 5.30... The wind is blowing, but it's "warm". Yonah is fine, all's good there. And I'm really not looking forward this walk back from Richie's in about an hour. Seems I can get things done on the truck, and it ought to be well for July but... with funds so limited and greed so rampant of late, I'm REALLY NOT looking forward to what's to come. Either "Oh, we found...." and I'll be charged OR... they'll fuck the muffler so I HAVE to have the exhaust replaced. "Trust" is wiped-out, but the brake MUST be repaired. So... we shall see... - Yonah called at 5.42 this morning and I was still getting coffee together! I really need to stop this "sleeping-in"... I really need to work on closing the day closer to 21.00 again! I SO miss those days/nights. But then again... those nights were, often, a queen size, 4-poster bed, a little TV, beer and crisps. (THOSE days were trying to GAIN weight too. Imagine THAT SHIT! How "life" has turned... SPUN... MADLY!)
LAST NIGHT THOUGH... ANOTHER OWL OUT IN THE "WOOD-LAND" ACROSS THE ROAD! IN THE BED, UNDER THE BLANKET, READING... AND THE "HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO" ACROSS THE ROAD. JUST BEAUTIFUL! BLESS THAT GUY WHO CAME TO FINALLY FIX THAT LIGHT! OH... JUST BLESS HIM! I wish I could tell him... I'm still waiting for him to come round. I will NOT tell NYSEG! THEY'D send somebody to change it all back! I'm sure of that. Fuckers.
(End of Day Notes)
***** WELL, IT ISN'T AS THOUGH I DIDN'T EXPECT SOME KIND OF BULL-SHIT-FUCKERY TODAY, SO I WASN'T REALLY SHAKEN BU ANY OF THIS BUT...
AT ABOUT 8.05, I HEADED OUT TO BRING THE TRUCK UP TO RICHIE. IT WAS OVER-CAST, BUT, THANKFULLY, NOT RAINING SO I WAS A BIT RELIEVED... HOPPED INTO THE TRUCK, KEY IN IGNITION, TURNED AND.... RNGRNGRNG... CLICKCLICKCLICK... CLUNK !!!!! THE BLOODY-FUCKING BATTERY... DEAD... A-FUCKING-GAIN !!! SO... I JUST WENT BACK INTO THE HOUSE, GOT ON THE PHONE TO "AAA"... AND THANK THE GODS, THEY JUST MADE THE APPOINTMENT FOR A JUMP. ***** NEXT, RANG RICHIE AND THAT'S WHERE THE TOTALLY EXPECTED CAME INTO PLAY...
YEP-NOPE... BEN NEVER NOTED THE APPOINTMENT FOR TODAY... SPOKE WITH RICHIE WHO WAS IN ONE OF HIS MORE "PLEASANT MODES"... SAID "I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO WAIT." I THOUGHT "THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE FACT THAT I CALLED, EXPLAINED THAT I MANAGED TO GET MONEY TOGETHER AND WAS TOLD TO BRING THE TRUCK IN THIS MORNING AND LEAVE IT!" BUT I SAID "I MANAGED TO SCRAPE SOME MORE MONEY TOGETHER SO... " OK... (I, PERSONALLY, FEEL THAT HE JUST DOESN'T WANT TO BE ARSED ANY MORE... TIME TO FIND ANOTHER MECHANIC... OH HELP! DOCTORS AND MECHANICS... THIS SHIT IS GETTING TOO DEEP AGAIN.) SO HE MUMBLED SOMETHING ABOUT THE MECHANICS ON... "1 ON... 2 ON...1 THERE..." AND THEN SAID "I CAN GIVE YOU NEXT THURSDAY OR FRIDAY."... I LET HIM CHOOSE, HE GAVE ME THURSDAY AND SAID "AND I'LL DRIVE YOU BACK IF YOU NEED." OH WELL... FUCK FUCK FUCK AND THURSDAY. MEAN-WHILE, HE SAID HE'S GOING TO "WRITE-UP AND ESTIMATE AND GO SHOPPING"... BECAUSE HE DOESN'T HAVE THE PARTS. WAHT-THE-FUCK EVER. WHAT BURNS MY PILES IS THAT HE HAS AN '05 SILVERADO AND HAS NO IDEA AS TO THE COST OF PARTS... M'THINKST THERE'S LIES FLYING ROUND AND ABOUT. AND I'M BEING PLAYED FOR "STOOPID". WELL, AS MOTHER ADVISED "NEVER LET ANYBODY KNOW HOW MUCH YOU KNOW."... WE MOVE ALONG TO...
THE GUY FROM AAA ARRIVED... FROM LAKE PLACID OF ALL PLACES, AT ABOUT 9.30... SURE ENOUGH... THE BATTERY! WHAT THE FUCK? BUT HE STAYED FOR A GOOD 45 MINUTES TO MAKE SURE I COULD TURN THE TRUCK OFF AND RE-START. WE CHATTED. IT WAS PLEASANT.
AND SO... MY SUSPICIONS WERE VALIDATED ABOUT THE APPOINTMENT... AND NOW, TO THE BRAKES, EXHAUST WE ADD BATTERY! I'M JUST NOT BEING ALLOWED TO EVER CATCH-UP AND GET BACK TO A "NORMAL MONTHLY BUDGET"! I'LL SAY IT RIGHT HERE... I DON'T WISH DEATH ON ANY OF THE CURRENT POLITICAL REGIME... JUST HORRIFIC, WASTING PAIN! AND THE SAME FOR THE ONES WHO SUPPORT THE REGIME... SEVERAL "LOCALS"... TO BE SURE... I DO UNDERSTAND WHAT DRIVES SOME PEOPLE TO VIOLENCE... I TRULY DO.
IN TIMES LIKE THIS, WE OUGHT NOT ASK WHY SOME PEOPLE TAKE TO VIOLENCE AND MURDER... RATHER, WE SHOULD ASK WHY SOME PEOPLE DON'T.
OKIE-DOKIE... Carrying on... At about 13.15 rolled into town... banque to pull the 400 for the brake, Aubchon's for the "furnace cement" to try patching the exhaust (OH GOD!)... The container, at the price, is smaller than I thought, but for 5,75$ (the 10$ less the 5$ on my "reward") I just hope it works... at least for a while! Made it to market... 70-fucking-dollars for LESS than I would have gotten! BUT... made it there and back! And now... ice cream.. FRENCH VAN back in the house! - Now I need 2 solid days of warmth and NO rain to work on the muffler... AND PRAYERS... that this stuff holds and doesn't pull the whole thing apart. I still have visions of rolling along and the entire muffler dropping on the road. Especially on the Northway... probably at High Peaks or... worse... Glens Falls/Albany... in heavy traffic! BANG! Oh well... we'll deal with what-ever... when-ever... I can't keep hanging on this shit any more... what will happen will happen. I'll address it as needed... FTW! - Meal this evening: a tin of lentils, some veggies and noodles... I got chicken at the market but didn't want to be arsed today... but it was a WHOLE tin of lentils... here comes the "wind"!!! - This evening, put the receipts for this year's marketing together to check prices. The veggies have gone up 30¢! Perry's is still the same. The chicken up 2$/lb! I'll go through the receipts to check on prices. Not sure why, other than curiosity. It won't change anything... I'm such an idiot... some-times. - Drizzle this evening and after Yonah's tuck-in I started the truck. I STILL believe that there's sabotage going on in this shit-hole! Still... a new battery is in the future... as well as exhaust! (It would have been nice to get the job next door PO... no travel, gas expense and 100$/week for repairs and such. Oh well...) 20.39 Yonah's journal is current. This one's now 2 days of notes. I don't care. I'm tired. My stomach is "churning" from the lentils. Tomorrow I might run into town for peroxide for my teeth (to keep the gums clean!) and there's 89 in the "epargne"... I might just get 20 into the truck? We shall see... - Storm warning for tonight but I don't see them on radar. Oh well... and bloody 14° high, 8° low on Saturday... and "orages" and "pluie". FUCK FUCK FUCK! Sunday looks OK for work on the exhaust... Chilly on Sunday night but no rain... One can only hope... should one be stupid enough for such folly. - Meanwhile.. I'm off to ice cream and the rack! This day needs to be archived! - 22.02 NOT when I'd've LIKED to be closing the day but... better than 23.00... I suppose. WHAT a FUCKING DAY! AND... I didn't enjoy the experience.

Fri.17.Jun: 14.54 Got me out of the rack this morning, at about 5.30... and at 5.42, Yonah got him-self up and... aside from two 30-minute lie-downs, I have been non-stop... ALL FUCKING DAY! - Managed to wash the under-things and scrubs (because of that acrid sweat) and get them on the rack. THEN... decided to make bread. THOSE turned-out CLOSER to the way I used to make bread than ever before! AND they rose to nice loaves... neither of which fits into the "bread box" but... AND, as the bread was rising, did the chicken bought yesterday, put that in the fridge until it was time to bake... BOTH in the same oven. - First "lie-down" as the bread rose. Second, after the bread baked. - STARTED THE TRUCK! And considered going in to get peroxide for the teeth but... I'VE BEEN DO FUCKING TIRED ALL DAY... RUN-DOWN, "OUT OF IT"... JUST "OFF". WOKE WITH "CEMENT" IN THE CHEST. READ THE CT RESULTS AGAIN AND "INVESTIGATED". SEEMS THE LOWER PART O F THE LUNGS ARE "COLLAPSING" FROM THE EMPHYSEMA. OBVIOUSLY NOTHING TO PANIC OVER/ABOUT. BUT IT TAKES THE ENERGY OUT OF ME. - SO... I DID manage to get the Hoovering done, just a little while ago. - OH... AND PLANTED THE 7 CONTAINERS OF SUN-FLOWERS in the kitchen garden... and put yoghurt containers round them. Sprinkled coffee and pepper. Let's see. - Mean-while... I'm STILL 2 days behind on this Journal... haven't touched Yonah's yet. And it's 15.01... I just can't seem to "focus" and when I do, it exhausts me. There were things I wanted to get done today but... and the naps... I could do with another. - THE "PAIN" IS IN MY THROAT... ON THE "LEFT SIDE"... AND, ACCORDING TO THE CT REPORT, THERE'S "CALCIFICATION" ON THE LEFT SIDE OF THE "THYROID" GLAND... WHICH IS WHERE THE "CHOKING"/PAIN IS. I WONDER... JUST BECAUSE IT'S BENIGN... AND NOBODY APPEARS TO BE CONCERNED ABOUT IT. AND I'M LOSING TOLERANCE FOR COLD... A "THYROID" SYMPTOM... AND IT'S 24,6° IN YONAH'S ROOM AND I'M "CLAMMY"... OH WELL... The emphysema isn't "curable" so it's not going to get better. But... I TRULY MUST work on knocking the smokes out. (And Dan came by this morning to ask if I needed... I declined... and he just came by and said they've gone from 16 to 19$. AND ALL THE "RECOMMENDATIONS" FOR MY HEALTH: REDUCE STRESS! I COULD... EASILY... IF I COULD ONLY THROAT PUNCH SOMEBODY!) - OK... I've pissed-away TOO much time. - Mean-while... Yonah is having another "CLOSE TO YOU" day.
MY ONLY REASON FOR CONTINUING AND FIGHTING TO CONTINUE.
16.23 THE QUNT HAS RETURNED, WITH SOMETHING THAT LOOKS LIKE THE OFF-SPRING OF "COUSIN IT"... AND... ***** THWACK ***** OF COURSE... SCREEN DOOR! And this is a really BAD day for that BULL-SHIT... I'm TIRED to begin with, and that FUCKERIE doesn't make matters any better. OH TO BE THE FUCK OUT OF AND AWAY FROM this shit-box! I NEED to get the truck together and the money and get the sheet(s) of ply-wood and just block that fuck-hole off! And I HAVE to do it SOON! - 19.00 Meal done... in fact, the dishes were all put up by 17.30! - And that vehicle must have taken the qunt away again because they're gone from since about 17.00. I can only hope... just stay away... Its lease should be due for renewal... what a shame... Maybe it's looking for a place back from whence it came. I could only hope. But then too... if that one came on "HUD"... there's NO telling WHAT will follow... (I'm just waiting for the phone call because "NYSERDA" sent an e-mail saying my application is on "hold"... pending authorisation from the landlord to conduct their "studies". Oh... I can hardly wait! I'll be "mentioning" the mention of the moron about its bill decreasing as mine increased... We shall see how that rolls along.) - Anyway, I'm thinking of having my "nosh" when Yonah is tucked in, hitting the last episode of the "Cornwall" series I've been watching the past few nights, hitting a quick shower and right to the rack. I know that, no matter how much sleep I might get, it does no good. And tonight, again, I'll be "half-sleeping" expecting the trash to come POUNDING in in the middle of the night, frightening Yonah. (It really is a shame... how much I've come to fucking HATE this place.) And then too, it seems that if I DO get a n actual night's sleep, I wake all the worse for that too. Oh... but this is the future... and it won't be getting better. - 9° NINE, for tonight! It's bloody 24° now! FUCK! Tomorrow's high? 13! 8° for Sat. and Sun. nights. "Averses" for tomorrow... I HOPE! The new sun-flowers could use it! - We shall see... - It' 19.10... no radio... the window fan is on... 25° in Yonah's room... and I'm going to try to "fill-in" some of the back-log. If it rains tomorrow... I can sit with Yonah and actually catch-up... AGAIN! JEEZUS! - 20.14 Well... Yonah is tucked-in for the night. How PAINFUL it is for me, at this time of the day. I don't like not being with him, and, as I was finishing his entry for today, I realised that I've ALWAYS disliked the end of the day because, I just don't know what might happen to him during the night and I wonder... will we be together in the morning. Well, if the day comes and he's "not here"... I'll be behind him, off to find that little "STAR" that is him. And I'll be there as quickly as possible. - Meanwhile, 9° tonight so the house is now closed-up as it was in Winter. Hopefully this shit-box won't take the chill over night. Fuck. - OH MY... AND AS I WAS OPENING TONIGHT'S JOURNAL HERE, TO ADD... IT OCCURRED TO ME
GEE, GOLLY GOSH... I'D THOUGHT OF IT BRIEFLY AT SOME POINT TODAY, REMEMBERING HOW, IN THE CITY, I'D BUY FLOWERS AND BRING THEM TO THE HUDSON TO DROP... MOTHER'S BIRTHDAY. 89TH THIS TIME ROUND... COME AUGUST, IT'LL BE 34 YEARS AGO THAT SHE "LEFT". TIME FLIES... AND OH-FUCKING-LOARD HOW MY HEART HAS CHANGED OVER THAT TIME. "FLOWERS"? I DOUBT IT. TO THE CEMETERY? NOT EVEN. "KADISH"? I CAN'T SEE IT. NO... WHAT I *DO* SEE IS BEING TOLD "YOU HAVE TO LEAVE NOW, IF YOU DON'T HE'LL KILL YOU... AND THINK OF THE STIGMA ON THE OTHERS, KNOWING THEIR FATHER KILLED THEIR BROTHER." SELFISH SHIT! NO... THAT'S WHAT I REMEMBER... THAT AND, AS I SAY TO PEOPLE: "MY PARENTS WERE ENGAGED BEFORE THE WEDDING... JUST NOT TO EACH-OTHER." BOTH OF THEM... PIECES OF DREG! I STILL WONDER: DID OPA PULL THE GUN BECAUSE HE FOUND OUT THEY'D FUCKED? *HIS* PARENTS WOULDN'T. THEY'D BE MORE PROUD OF HIM... ANYWAY... THERE WE HAVE IT.
B UT what I DID remember all day, and even sent messages via Twt is that it's also Gina's birthday today... She too... 1955. Imagine that. I should have phoned but... the problem was/is this fatigue all day. - Anyway... I still have yesterday to "fill in" on this Journal... I'm going to just post what I have... not sure why... and have my ice cream and get to the rack. I want to be able to be up and about early tomorrow... to make sure the house is warm enough for Yonah... and there's no "agenda"... I'll work on the truck on Sunday... But for now... off to the servers. Yonah's page is ready. - I JUST SO BLOODY FUCKING HOPE THAT QUNT DOESN'T COME OFF WITH BANGING ABOUT TONIGHT! FUCK! I DON'T GET PROPER SLEEP AS IT IS... AND NOW I HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THAT SHIT! FUCKING HATE THIS SHIT-BOX! - 21.48 Just in from the front. The air is perfectly still, and it's warm, but there's a coolness to it. A lightning bug, flying about the front porch of the PO... all alone. SO SAD! really. - But it's still out there... and in here... may it stay that way through the night. - Not taking a naprox.. tomorrow night then... Off to the rack.

Sat.18.Jun: 10.55 WELL! It's already turning into quite the day! I was up and out of the rack after a night-through of what-ever it is I do of a night on the rack, and rolling at about 5.15... Yonah called at 5.21! And there it rolled. Coffee and morning routine! - Deborah stopped by with another NYT article, photo of a Brooklyn "artist" with a pigeon on his shoulder. "Does this look familiar?" read the post-it. - Most of this morning spent trying to figure how to get Yonah into the sun-shine.... at this juncture, it's either in his old house on the picnic table in "the park" or build a table for the yard here. (Pallets!) -
*** NYSEG BILL ARRIVED... 6kwh BILLED! WHY? BECAUSE THEY'VE BEEN GROSSLY OVER-ESTIMATING MY USAGE FOR MONTHS! THE TOTAL NOW DUE? 580-SOMETHING. HELL! I WAS EXPECTING 6-700! BUT SEEING A BILL FOR ALMOST 600$ AND 6kwh ACTUAL USAGE... WHAT FUCKERY! MONDAY MORNING... PAYMENT ARRANGEMENT... AND HERE WE GO. I'M ***POSITIVE*** THERE'S GOING TO BE ALL SORTS OF BULL-SHIT FLYING BECAUSE THIS BILL READS THAT THEY TOOK ME OFF BUDGET BECAUSE OF A "MISSING PAYMENT" WHICH ISN'T TRUE. BUT WE SHALL SEE HOW IT ROLLS... ON MONDAY. I'M ALMOST AMUSED.
RIGHT NOW... MY PRIMARY CONCERN IS GETTING YONAH INTO THE SUN! We would go out today but the temperature is chilly, the breeze is chilly, the skies are grey... the sun is non-existent. Oh well... Maybe tomorrow... if I can figure out how, whilst I work on the truck, we'll come up with something. Meanwhile, his old house is on his futon... he's avoiding it... Poor Little Guy... compared to his current house... well... it's going from 3 full rooms to a studio! GOTTA LOVE HIM SO MUCH... and I DO I DO I DO! - Now... to get to business of the day and catch-up with Journals and clean his "Bibio" page! - OH...
IT'S SO OBVIOUS THAT CRYSTAL IS NEXT DOOR... BANG BANG BANG POUND POUND POUND THUMP THUMP THUMP ON THE BLOOD HAND-TOWEL DISPENSER! IT'S GOT TO BE INTENTIONAL BECAUSE NOBODY DOES THAT MUCH TO VALIDATE THE USE OF THAT QUANTITY OF HAND-TOWEL! AH... JUST ANOTHER QUNT.
We move on.... - 11.45 The in-breed in the PO is closing shop... BANGBANGBANG... and I've FINALLY gotten THIS journal back to current! At least it isn't 16.00. - 13.23 The pallet-head-board is up and tied to the bed. TOO HIGH, but serves the purpose... AND THE TRUCK RAN !!! - Having bread... which turned-out SO CLOSE to the way I used to make it... I wish I could figure out HOW! - 15.44 Well then... the winds are still blowing, the temperature out there is still chilled, the clouds are still covering the sun BUT... Journals are to-date and Yonah has another new "nest box".... which I cut from another box. I'm not "thrilled" with the new one but it's wider. Hopefully, it won't rub against his wing... he's got a "spot" on his right wing that doesn't look good... something's "wrong" with the feathers. I HAVE to get him out into the air and SUN! And I WILL... just as soon as the SUN comes shining again... and the wind doesn't blow cold. - Noting about me: achy. Read the CT and there's "calcification" on the left side of the thyroid... the side that's been bothering me... with that "choking" sensation. But, nobody seems to be "concerned". And I remember LC being on thyroid meds... JLVT too. LC stopped taking hers when preg. w/Brigh. She's still hanging about. JL? I don't know. But this achy and shit just bugs me. "Collapsing" lungs and thyroid. WOW! Am I ever falling apart. JUST AS LONG AS I'M HERE FOR YONAH... I don't care about the rest. I just don't. - I can't believe the day is gone already! And I haven't really taken any more than 20 minutes of "nap"... this morning. Been "on the move" all day. Oh well... - 20.23 Well... I burned the veggies this evening and the house STINKS! The vinegar in the dish on the stove-top last night had only JUST gotten rid of the jerk smell and... oh well... I ate it any-way. - Yonah is tucked-in... 19.55 tonight, again. And his curtains and blinds closed against the chill of another... ANOTHER... 9° NIGHT... AND TOMORROW NIGHT... THE BLOODY SAME! THIS IS INSANE! IT'S PAST MID-JUNE... AND 3 DAYS FROM "SUMMER"!!! WTF? - I HAVE A HEAD-BOARD ON THE BED TONIGHT! I WENT TO THE GARAGE WHEN I WENT TO RUN THE TRUCK AT ABOUT 13.30 TODAY, AND DRAGGED ONE PALLET INTO THE BED-ROOM. IT COULD STAND A BIT OF A "TRIM-DOWN" BUT IT SERVES THE PURPOSE OF KEEPING THE PILLOWS FROM FALLING TO THE FLOOR... AT LAST! AND IT'S TIED TO THE FRAME AND QUITE STURDY! AT LAST... IT'S ONLY BEEN... ALMOST 3 ENTIRE YEARS... FUCK ME. - And the qunt IS back... again... THUD THUD THUD OF THE FUCKING FURNISHINGS... I'M WAITING... AND A LOAD OF WASHING... JEEZUS! It'll be such a delight to be able to leave here and let Alden rent to some single, 25-year old mother of 5, with the boy-friend of the moment move in fresh out of jail. Oh.. if only... - Looked-up whether or not I might be able to "fix" the muffler with foil paper and happened up a "forum" where the suggestion is... steel wool and cans! And the responses were SO positive! Many of the them too! Seems it ought to work! So... there are options with the cans and I have the furnace cement... I just need to be well-rested so I have the patience and attention to give it all... tomorrow... when it's supposed to be sunny and only 18°! DAMNIT! I WANT that job done BEFORE the brakes! Oh well... - AND, I HAVE to figure a way to get Yonah out into the sun-shine! A little table of some kind, to keep his old house off the ground (away from ticks and fleas!) in the back, just enough under the trees for shade and sun-light. It would be nice if he could be out whilst I work on the truck... if it's warm and still enough. - But... for now... as I say, he's tucked-in... his Journal page is ready... and this one too...at long last! (There's FIVE days' worth here to be posted tonight!) - I'm quite tired... and in a bit of pain on the right side... shoulder. Well? At least it ain't cancer... Right? Am I right? Or what? FUCK - Time to post. I have to find something to watch for a while. - OH... I put the furnace back on... set it to 65F and... IT RAN! IT'S THAT CHILLY! THANK THE GODS FOR THE OIL! AND... FUCK THE ELECTRIC. I'M TIRED OF IT ALL...
If not for Yonah, I'd have NO reason NOT to simply go to the rack tonight and...
20.39 DAYS... CODED... AT LAST! - 21.53 12°, chill of 9° which means when it gets to 9° tonight, the chill will be even lower... and... I'd turned the furnace back on earlier, set the thermostat to 66F and it came roaring on! Now... as I'm getting ready to hit the rack... it's on AGAIN! JUNE? WTAF? But... (a) I will NOT have Yonah being cold and (b) I really just don't have any more capacity to worry about shit. - Tomorrow... I'll be under the truck... tomorrow evening... in the shower... I just can't even care.

Sun.19.Jun: 14.47 Well, the pallet "head-board" worked quite well, keeping the pillows on the bed and off the floor. And, although I've been my usual "exhausted" all fucking day, I DID manage to "sleep" through the night, last night. But woke to.... BLOODY FUCKING COLD IN THE FUCKING HOUSE THIS MORNING AT ABOUT 5.00! THE WINDOW FAN HAD 58F! SHIT! The sky was clear, and has been all day, but the WIND is still blowing and it's DAMNED COLD! Yonah's fan has 73F the thermometer is at 20,9°. But I'm in a sherpa and he feels cold to the touch! THIS is bull-shit! AND THE GOD-DAMNED FURNACE RAN ABOUT 4 TIMES THIS MORNING BEFORE I FINALLY THREW THE SWITCH TO SHUT IT OFF! SET AT 56F... AND THE FUCKING FURNACE RUNNING... IN FUCKING JUNE! - That said, let me fill-in today's notes here...
Woke from a DISTURBING DREAM (as if I have any other sorts)...
It was night... dark (of course). I was sitting out-side in a parking area at some small, "strip mall" sort of place, where most of the "stores" were empty. I was in front of a launderette... a depressing sort of launderette. Two women arrived, for work, in the launderette or one of the stores. I happened to recognise then for some reason, and didn't really want to talk with/to either of them. Some "understood" animosity, though I wasn't aware of what it was. They just annoyed me. But it was time for me to leave anyway and as I stood up to leave, I noticed my car... a "strange" sort of vehicle, something similar to a VW beetle but more of the style of one of those "odd" "European" small cars. It was, originally, an "off-white", sort of a VERY pale "yellow-greenish-beigeish". Ugly colour but it was mine, none-the-less. It had been parked almost in front of me all the while I was there, just to my left so I was STUNNED when I looked to see that the driver's -side head-light was completely missing, and obviously, somebody had HIT it! There was an actual HOLE where the head-light was, but no debris from a collision of any sort. The front hood was "indented", as if somebody had fallen onto it or thrown them-self onto it! I got up and walked over to look and went round to the passenger side... THAT had been PAINTED, a flat paint, pale beige, and on the dry paint, pencil sketches of doodles and scribbled graffiti! The car was obviously vandalised! I was sick to my stomach, wondering WHO would have done the damage AND because I'd been right there all the while and was un-aware. Questioned if I'd fallen asleep? Had a "black-out"? "Lost my mind"? How did I manage to drive to there and have NO idea that all that damage had been done? Did I drive with the car in that condition? I was HORRIFIED! And then, walking round to look at the front of the car, I was thinking that I had to have it inspected an the registration was due... and then I noticed that, instead of the current license plate, there was a "European"-style plate on the front. It had been cut into two pieces and screwed onto the front of the car. Some-how, I'd never installed the proper plate, though I though I had done. The plate read, in two parts "GH" and "BG". (Oddly enough.. the old plate from the Subaru was "GHL..." I wonder how THAT happened to come into the dream.) Anyway... I managed to contact the police, to report the damages, not expecting anything to come of it or to get any sort of compensation, even from insurance. The cop was nonchalant about the whole situation and said that it's been a "pattern crime", happening often. Same sort of damages. Nothing they can do about it. I remembered similar crimes happening in VT (of all places). - Next thing... the dream snapped and I was in an apartment building... in a flat... on a high floor... maybe 6 or 10 storeys up. Tommy (Burk) was there. He came walking into the flat and crossed to the out-side side where there should have been a wall but it was wide open. He was headed down-stairs for something and just walked over and stepped off the floor and went out and down, as though that was the way to leave. I was sick to think that he'd done that, but it was just "normal" to leave that way. There was a woman... "Viv", but not... more of an old woman in the flat. It was her place and she'd "left" the same way so it was all just "normal". She too, had to go out but REALLY didn't want to leave that way this time. And I certainly didn't want to just plunge out and down. I was concerned about my age, old bones, and the height. I said to the old woman that neither of us stood a chance of managing to fall that distance with-out breaking bones! And as I worried over how we'd leave, it suddenly occurred to me that we could simply walk out the door, to the hall-way, and down the STAIRS! And as I pondered as to how I could be THAT fucking stupid... the alarm woke me...
Now... WHAT A FUCKED-UP DREAM! I've tried to make "associations' today... the damaged car... the missing light... there's a rear bulb out on the truck and I don't want Richie fucking with that... the last time I took the truck in for inspection, they just replaced "two lights"... and I still don't know which. I mean, money is SO TIGHT right now! Fuck... As for the "painting and sketching"... Maybe it's because I wonder if some of the damages on the truck aren't "sabotage". The two women... could be the qunt next door... and Crystal... or Vivian... or even Alvin or Jeff. AND TOO... I was so NERVOUS about the "repairs" to the muffler today... There's a lot I could work with on this dream but... just haven't had the time to get involved with it. - MEAN-WHILE... Yonah woke at 5.27 this morning and I was still making morning coffee. But his "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo" broke my thinking about the dream and all sorts of other things. And, as always... HE'S MY SAVIOUR! A new day... and my Heart-and-Soul was up and ready to go! So I got to both "morning routines" simultaneously. -
AT 6.03 THIS MORNING, THE BLOODY FURNACE WAS RUNNING! AND KEPT RUNNING, ON AND OFF, THROUGH MOST OF THE MORNING !!! FUCKING JUNE! THE ELECTRIC! I'M TRYING TO GET THE USAGE DOWN TO "MINIMUM" AND THIS SHIT! NOT TO MENTION THE OIL I'VE BEEN HOLDING ON TO! BETWEEN THE COLD AND THE COSTS... IT'S ALMOST AS IF THERE'S AN ACTUAL CONCERTED EFFORT FROM SOME-WHERE... "GOD"?... TRYING TO DESTROY US! I FINALLY JUST THREW THE FUCKINIGH SWITCH ON IT AGAIN! BLOODY HELL! WOW!
***** ***** ***** MEANWHILE... 12.07 AND I WAS BACK IN THE HOUSE... APPLIED THE FURNACE CEMENT TO THE MUFFLER !!! WHEN I WENT OUT TO "MEASURE" THE DIAMETER OF THE PIPE THIS MORNING... ***** A HOLE IN THE UPPER PART OF THE MUFFLER-PROPER !!! ***** AS IF SHIT WASN'T BAD ENOUGH ALREADY! WELL...??? I TOOK A LENTILS TIN, OPENED BOTH ENDS AND STILL HAD TO CUT IT OPEN TO WRAP THE TAIL PIPE... AND HAD TO DO IT SITTING THERE IN THE DRIVE... AND THE QUNT'S SPORE WAS PARKED ON THE PORCH AS I WORKED. (Thankfully, to all, not a word was spoken... I was in NO fucking mood... and it's spore was there too... I could hear the voices but was concentrating on the job at hand.) ANYWAY... SOAKED SOME STEEL WOOL WITH THE CEMENT AND STUFFED IT UNDER THE TIN THAT I'D WRAPPED ROUND THE PIPE (WHICH, OF COURSE, DIDN'T FIT AS PROPERLY AS IT SHOULD HAVE DONE BUT HOPEFULLY THE STEEL WOOL WILL HOLD THE HOLE SHUT), THEN SLATHERED MORE CEMENT ON... WITH MY GLOVED HANDS. IT WASN'T AS DIFFICULT AS I THOUGHT (SO IT PROBABLY WON'T WORK). THEN, SOAKED ANOTHER BIT OF STEEL WOOL WITH CEMENT AND PLUGGED THE HOLE... SLATHERED MORE CEMENT OVER THE FRONT OF THE MUFFLER, OVER THE EDGE AND MADE SURE THAT IT SEALED WHERE THE TIN MET THE MUFFLER. THE CONTAINER SAYS TO GIVE IT AN HOUR TO "AIR DRY" BUT I SPRAYED WATER ON IT WHEN DONE, TO HELP "SEAL". SO... HEY! I'M NOT GOING ANY-WHERE ANY-WAY TODAY... NO BRAKES. BUT I HAVE TO GIVE IT TIME TO DRY... AND, WELL... MAYBE AFTER MEAL, OR AS IT COOKS, I'LL TRY TO START THE ENGINE... MUST DO THAT ANYWAY. HERE WE GO!
In between the measuring and cementing, Deborah stopped by... WITH CARROTS FROM THE FARMERS' MARKET! FRESH CARROTS FOR YONAH! AND... she insists that I accept the 200 as a "gift". I said, "NO", she said "YES"... so now I have to figure how to give it back to her... I might just go and hand it to her... or leave it at her door. But I will NOT accept it as a gift! I already feel in her debt for the 100 for feeding the birds and the 50 with the electric bill... which reminds... SHE SAID HER ELECTRIC BILL DROPPED THIS MONTH TOO! I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS GOING ON HERE! I'M MORE DETERMINED TO HAVE THIS ELECTRICITY HERE CHECKED! SOMETHING'S REALLY WRONG AND I WANT TO KNOW WHAT I'M PAYING! EITHER THE PO OR THE QUNT! SOMETHING'S WRONG! - And so, for the rest of the day, after laying under the truck in this morning's chill and wind, I felt like complete SHIT! Chest, heavy. Breathing, insufficient. I did manage a 30-minute nap... or 20 minutes out of it. - I still can't believe that this "cement" is going to "bond and work" but... we shall see... especially when I start the engine... - I posted to Twats to "Phat Tony" in CAD, asking if he'd ever "repaired" a muffler with "furnace cement". He replied "high heat cement and Campbell's soup cans"... So IT CAN BE DONE... indeed... we shall see... IF I did it correctly. (I have a bit more cement left in the container so... - I'm just so TIRED! JUST TIRED! - And this lap-top is fucking up. - 16.32 THE TRUCK STARTED! RAN! THE "CEMENT" LOOKS GOOD! THE EXHAUST IS COMING OUT OF THE TAIL-PIPE AGAIN! LETTUCE PREY! - In the mean-while...
I AM STILL CONCERNED ABOUT THAT "SPOT" ON YONAH'S RIGHT WING! HE'S BEEN IN A GAND MOOD ALL DAY, BUT, BIRDS NEVER INDICATE PAIN AND THAT BOTHERS ME RIGHT TO THE CORE OF MY CELLS! I CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON THERE. HOPEFULLY THE NEW FEATHERS WILL COME IN... AND BEFORE THE NEXT MOULTING. BUT IF IT'S BECAUSE OF SOMETHING THAT STARTLED HIM AT NIGHT AND HE TRIED TO FLY AND INJURED HIMSELF... I DON'T DARE PUT THOUGHTS AND INTENTIONS TO WORDS... !!! I DON'T DARE! And I tried mixing "chop" in with seeds this morning... he will NOT eat that! So I just had to replace it all with plain seeds. But tomorrow, we chop carrots... at least that's vit.A! I have to find a way to dry the little bits with-out losing the vitamins. I've read that drying doesn't destroy the vitamins... it decreases them but... So? So... a new adventure.... more lessons... from my GREAT PROFESSOR!
I'm a bit relieved about the truck... perhaps tomorrow I'll run into town... I need peroxide, ice cream, yoghurt... stuff... the roll will tell me how well (or not) the cement will hold. I ought to put gas in there too... at 6-7$/gallon... These fucks. One of these days... but I doubt it. - 16.39 already! Fucking day is GONE! (And I still have to get to Yonah's Journal for today!) - 19.30 Yonah's Journal is to the moment. Now too, this one. The temperature in his room is 21,5 but it feels "cool". The window with the fan is closed up. The sun is JUST setting and the winds are STILL blowing! Another 9° tonight... SHIT! I'll have the furnace on so that Yonah doesn't get a chill... Deborah said it was 9° at 16.00 last evening at her place so I know it got MUCH colder than that during the night. -
Something I want to note: I'm feeling better at this hour than I've felt all day, but I'm noticing the oddest "pains" in shoulder and chest... AND... my voice is changing... it's getting "coarse"! And I'm doing nothing out of my ordinary that would cause that. And yes... I CAN feel the difference in lung capacity. HEY! I JUST BETTER BE HERE FOR *** ALL *** OF YONAH'S LIFE! AND THAT'S ALL I'M SAYING ON THE MATTER!
Now... just waiting for my Little Guy to get ready for seepie-nigh-night. Hopefully I'll be seepie-nigh-night at a civil hour tonight. - 20.04 Météo claims it's 18° out there but this house has a "chill". The thermostat in the living-room claims it's 20° but... and the winds are still blowing quite a lot. Oh well... But my little Heart-and-Soul is tucked-in for the night, his Journal is current and so too... this one! - I'm exhausted! Was contemplating a shower but... I'll post Journals to the server, have my ice cream and get to bed. - I'm relieved that I DID do the work on the muffler and there's still a little "furnace cement" left... in case. (I don't want to but I do want to check round the muffler to make sure there aren't any more holes... and, in case of need, I can "patch" any cracks or missing spots... NOT, mind, that I hope to find any of that!) - So... that said, and with Yonah tucked-in... I'll flip the power to the furnace before heading to the rack. For now? Sunday is DONE! Tomorrow? Dealing with NYSEG... no doubt... and I should go hunting for fresh trees for Yonah... and river water... and RIVER SAND TOO! - 21.24 NOW THIS IS MORE LIKE IT! I NEED TO KEEP THIS HOUR GOING! HEY! GOOD GOOD GOOD... (now I'll be brutally punished with a night of CONTRACTIONS... I've no doubt...)

Mon.20.Jun: 11.01 Carrots cleaned and chopped. All the dishes washed and put up. G's music playing. A little dancing. And this morning was another one of those "I'm about to die" days. But I have to say... the dancing helps with the breathing! OF COURSE! EXERCISE! SOMETHING I'M SORELY LACKING THESE DAYS. OH... BUT I'VE AGED! SHIT! - Getting a late start on this Journalling too... trying to run, non-stop... the SUN IS SHINING! And I'm thinking: MUST GET YONAH OUT INTO THE SUN-SHINE! TODAY! TODAY! TODAY! - Ah, BUT...
THIS MORNING'S DREAM... SOMETHING IS "WRONG"... the "TEST" is deep in my unconscious and it ISN'T PLEASANT !!! THIS HAD BETTER NOT BE *** PREMONITORY ***
Doctor's office. Woman Dr. Curly grey hair. "Lib". Got me on the "exam table" and SUDDENLY turned it "feet up", to "clear my chest" she claimed. As I was up-side-down, she pulled out a LONG swab and started to stick it in my nose. It was mentholated. I could taste it! I had a FIT! Pushed the table back to flat, sat up and told her "This exam is finished. Just who or what the fuck do you think you are? You think I'm THAT stupid? I distinctly told you 'NO!'. I ought to have you put away, have your credentials cancelled!" She started that "pandering, condescending, lying" ... "Oh, I know. It was thoughtless of me. Of course, you're perfectly right." We got to the door of the exam room and she stood at the door-way, feigning all sorts of "contrition" as I YELLED as loudly as I possibly could "You're an improperly educated, unedcuable, psychotic, ego-centric imbecile who deserves to be put into a 'high risk' institution and..."... the 5.00 alarm sounded.
And I'd slept (if that's what it was) ALL through the night again, last night. But THAT is how I woke... well, thankfully, the alarm woke me. I WAS inconsolably LIVID! - To make things worse, I woke this morning, as I say, with actual "heavy pain" in my chest to the point where, I HAD to take a 30-minute snooze (on Yonah's futon, of course) at about 7.30. I did manage to get SOME "sleep" and didn't feel much better when I woke, but... the sun was shining... the bloody furnace had been running... I was pissed about that. BUT... after a bit of "soc.med." and checking the "Lung Association's" site for "living with COPD" and finding mostly breathing exercises... just got to busy-ness. I also signed-up to receive information and such from them. One never knows... There's quite a bit on "COPD"... sadly though... nothing in the line of "treatment"... just the constant reminder: it's incurable. I keep trying to remember close to when mother was diagnosed with her emphysema. It was on Coach Lane... "they" were still married. I remember the old man bitching "She sounds like an old Etsel (or some such old car) trying to start every morning. And then, she blows her nose." He was always pissed-off about that. Poor woman... she was trying to BREATHE! Fuck... the two of them... Fucking Hell. But, she didn't really deserve the bull-shit. How odd... I should follow that path. Oh well... there were all those years when I was literally trying to do myself in... "Self-destructive behaviour"... they call it. I just wanted the "HELL" to end! - But today? Now? I fight... for my little Heart-and-Soul... and I get up in the morning sounding like an old-time car, trying to turn its engine over and start. Fuck me... really. I suppose this is the "Hell" I have to pay for so much. - And... at about 9.10, I'd looked out the window to see why there hadn't been the usual banging from next door... No car? No post office? Looked at the internet to see if I was "missing" something... Oh... today? That "Juneteenth" bull-shitterie. PO closed. I was wondering... was it Sunday (again)? Did I finally die? Lose my mind? Fuckerie. These days, it takes so little to make me question my own sanity. But... a bloody holiday... a "fuckerie" holiday at that. But... NO PO! No people hanging about! YAY! - 12.18 ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** COMPLETED THE "WELCOME" BS USPS... FOR THE HIRE! HERE WE GO! I'M FEELING LIKE SHIT! (CALLED DEBORAH TO TELL HER THOUGH) AND HERE WE GO INDEED! FUCK ME! She's all "CONGRATULATIONS" and I sent a reply saying that I didn't really want this... to go back to work, and went this far, primarily as a joke, never believing it would get this far. (Truth is... I still have that "background check" bull-shit coming too so there's still a chance this won't go through...) She insists that the congrats are because of "age"... that I'm still viable... in a manner of speaking. Oh well... We shall see... AND, as I keep in mind... I can still "back out" and I can always "walk out". This is no "career"... I won't lose my soc.sec. and working will pay a little more into it as I go along... IF I should have to LIVE that long... What-ever. (I know... piss attitude... but it's all I have left.) ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** - 16.56 I stepped out, thinking that I'd return the rodent trap to Dan and get 2 containers of sand for Yonah and... Almost 3 hours at Dan's! I need to pay more attention to this shit. Dan's having a "hoarse" day today too... and he's got that "COPD" Dx. I wonder how "bad" his actually is. He complains about a LOT of inability to breathe over the slightest exertion so I'm thinking it's worse than mine. Still, they say "misery likes company"... I don't, but it's less "frightening" to know some-body else with this shit. - But I DID manage to get sand from the river, 2 containers. Oddly, the sand now is like beach sand... and there isn't any of the "more grittier". It goes from soft to larger pebbles. But there are 3 more containers to get and rain to come so hopefully... I need something in there for Yonah to eat... to help his crop... - 19.58 I'm tired! SO BLOODY TIRED! But, after the exercise of walking to the river and carrying the sand, I have to admit, I am feeling better now than I have all day. AND... NEWS FOR THE DAY... GOOD NEWS FOR THE DAY... GREAT NEWS FOR THE DAY... YONAH GOT AN HOUR IN THE SUN THIS EVENING... I WENT OUT TO THE GARAGE TO SEE IF THAT "GREEN-HOUSE THAT HANNAH HAD LEFT WOULD HOLD YONAH'S OLD HOUSE AND, WHEN I REMOVED THE "DOME TOP"... IT'S A PERFECT FIT! SO I PUT IT UP JUST AT THE BOTTOM OF THE STAIRS AT THE BACK GALLERY, SITUATED SO THAT IT WAS HALF IN THE WARM SUN AND THE OTHER HALF IN THE SHADOW OF THE HOUSE AND GOT YONAH INTO HIS OLD PLACE AND BROUGHT HIM OUT! HE WASN'T THRILLED ABOUT IT, BUT HE WASN'T REALLY ALL TOO NERVOUS EITHER! IN FACT, AT FIRST, HE ROOSTED ON THE LITTLE PERCH THAT WAS IN THERE AND COO'ED... AND A DOVE IN THE DISTANCE COO'ED BACK... BRIEFLY! HE DID GET A LITTLE "PACEY" AFTER A WHILE. BUT I IMAGINE IT'S DIFFICULT FOR HIM NOW... BEING SO CONFINED! SO I WORKED A LITTLE IN THE "KITCHEN GARDEN" AND EVEN MOVED THE GOOD FEEDER TO THE TOP OF THE PINE POST... I HOPE IT HOLDS WELL... IT'S JUST THAT IT MADE IT DIFFICULT TO OPEN THE SCREEN WHILST CARRYING YONAH'S HOUSE... WITH HIM IN IT. WE SHALL SEE. AND I BROUGHT THE SAW OUT AND TRIMMED THE FENCE POLES... I KEPT BUSY AND YONAH GOT SUN-SHINE! WHEN I BROUGHT HIM BACK IN, I PUT HIS HOUSE ON HIS FUTON, OPENED THE DOOR AND HE FLEW OUT AND RIGHT TO HIS ROOF-TOP! HE WAS HAPPY TO HAVE ALL HIS SPACE AGAIN! BUT WE'LL PUT THAT LITTLE ROUTINE IN THE DAY FROM NOW ON... AND I'LL HAVE TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO BRING HIM BACK INTO THE YARD... I'M SURE HE REMEMBERS "THAT PLACE" THERE... 13 OCTOBER 2020... WE'LL WORK ON GETTING THIS "SUN-SHINE" THING FARTHER INTO THE BACK.. UNDER THE TREES... AWAY FROM "THE SCENE". BUT, MEAN-WHILE... IT LOOKS LIKE IT SHOULD WORK-OUT FINE. - AND... Ms. Quntie is on its back gallery... chatting... on the phone... loudly enough to be heard, almost quite fine, across the house here. Yonah is coo'ing because of it! OH! Just to be able to get away from this shit. Bad enough I had to be nice to that thing when I was out there. Why I "had" to be... well, honestly, I don't know. But I suppose it's better. I just keep in mind... as Alden put it... "Consider the source." It's a 6-year old... Sadly, I have no patience for children... especially mentally deficient children. One of these days... HOPE! And as I say: Alden can rent to some 25-year old single "mother" of 5 children, all of whom are of different "fathers"... with a boy-friend fresh out of Danemora. HOPE! - I'm just rather looking forward to a nice, "quick" shower (oh to be able to have those again) and off to the rack at a "civil" hour... - IT'S HOT OUT THERE NOW THOUGH... AT THIS HOUR! PORCH THERMOMETER READING 104F! After all the chilled weather. But, it's not to remain... of course. "It ain't July yet..." But at this rate, even that doesn't seem as though we'll get a "Summer" this year. - I can hear the doves in the back... I guess they'll have to get used to the "new feeder"... I just hope it with-stands the birds AND the bloody RODENTS! - Making notes again tonight... truth is, I'm just so tired (as usual) and my eyes are burning from "fatigue". - I OUGHT to get to doing that "Postal" shit too... then have ice cream, shower and rack... We shall see about all of that. - Tomorrow? Well, I ought to get to town. I'd like to put some gas into the truck before the price hits 10$/gal. FUCK! Hopefully no rain... PLEASE. Forecast is for 11° tonight and tomorrow rain, at about noon. The truck needs to be "run", "rolled", "moved". Well, we shall see how that moves... when we get there. - 22.05 Nope... no shower again tonight. I'm just too damned tired! And I MUST to be up and awake when my little Heart-and-Soul wakes... So, it's off to the rack. (I mean, it's not as though I really NEED to shower... If I offend... it's only me. I just hope the house doesn't smell of it.)

Tue.21.Jun: 15.03 And I'm again, only just getting to sit at the work table to get things jotted here! What a fucking morning... what a fucking DAY! - I managed to crawl, begrudgingly out of the rack at about 5.30... Minor FOOT CONTRACTIONS, LEFT, OF COURSE, during the night, but just enough to "stand" and get back under the blankets. And it's not "cold", but it surely as shit isn't "warm" today. 18°. And I'm just back from running the truck to "operating temperature". Seems the "repair" is holding. But then, it didn't (hasn't yet) rain so we shall have to see... The repairs aren't "fireplace" cement, which, I'm supposing is indoor-out, but the "furnace" cement is for "inidoor". Oh well... One of these days... of course, probably rolling along the Northway... in traffic... BOOM! What-ever. I can't be arsed. - This morning? OK... So, at least my little Heart-and-Soul was in good spirits. Though I STILL want to know what's wrong with his right wing! I'm PISSED! Especially if it's an injury because of that QUNT! - THEN... I HAD TO WORK ON RESIDENCES, REFERENCES, HISTORY... ALL THAT SORT OF BULL-SHIT-FUCKERIE FOR THE PO "BACK-GROUND CHECK"! FUCK! JUST FIGURING THINGS OUT... ESPECIALLY THE "STEWARTS" AND "FAMDOLL" DATES! That was a combo of tax records and pay-stubs and this JOURNAL! (Imagine? This Journal comes in SO handy...) THEN.. I just decided to leave all the colleges out... THE WHOLE PROCESS TOOK ABOUT 90 MINUTES! The web-site is slow, drop-downs all over the bloody place... and worse... it wouldn't propagate postal codes! USPS... and they can't figure that shit out. Well... that didn't get done until... AFTER NOON! So my morning was fucked. - Mean-while... a some-what interesting note: As I was coming back from checking the post (authorisation for the Echo and a "printed sheet" of "payment coupons" for the TN loan... as if I need those) Dan was at the PO so we chatted briefly and whilst, McFuknut came over, of course... old woman. Now, as I'm to understand, in that little asylum, HE claims to be registered Republican and SHE, Democrat. Ah... but "registration" means nothing. But as he said, it gives him more primaries to vote in so... What-the-fuck ever... I still say he's "mentally deficient" but we leave that at that. - Quntie was out for a while this morning... spore was here again. Came back as I was having a lie-down (30 minutes... I THINK I may have gotten about 10 of "sleep" but I can never be certain about such things) AND AS I LAID MY HEAD ON THE PILLOW OF YONAH'S FUTON, THEY RETURNED... BANG BANG BANG TO THE POINT WHERE THE VIBRATIONS IN THE FLOOR COULD BE FELT! I'm SO BLOODY FED-THE-FUCK-UP with this bull-shit. BUT... let's see how the PO application pans out. Things just might change a bit... for the while I'm in the PO (IF). I'm not sure what or how but... - Other-wise, I have to say that this day has been a BUST! I'm still behind in the Journals, tired, in a "sour" mood with the world. - 16.10 Distracted again... Want to mention: Deborah mentioned that the Soc.Sec. COAL for 2023 is expected to be MASSIVE! Now, that said, she claims $2k increases. Ah yes... I asked "Monthly?" and she said she thought so. I looked it up... 8,6% potential (which would give me 1200/month IF), BUT... what these dim-wits don't understand is what was in the reports I was reading and they simply WILL NOT understand... NO... it's NOT $2k/month AND with a COLA of even 10%... it's GUARANTEED MAJOR INFLATION... WHAT-EVER IS ADDED WILL BE PULLED-OUT WITH AN INFLATION THAT WILL BE BLOOD-LETTING! Oh well... But the max allowed extra income will be increased to about 50k/year which will help (a little) with anything I MIGHT make IF I go back to the PO. So... I'm not expecting any relief... to be sure. And we still have to wait until 2024 before a new regime takes hold... and I don't even know that I'll be "around" for that. It ALL depends on Yonah. - 18.33 Evening meal is done, washing-up and water relay... and it's raining. Now... we get to TEST the muffler fix AND to see if the feeder on the pole will hold... THAT one, the feeder, is quite a concern and I'm interested in seeing how it fares. AND THE FURNACE IS ON! - OH... PROPANE CAME TODAY... 15 GALLONS AND JUST OVER 50$. FUNNY HOW THE USAGE DROPPED AFTER I MENTIONED IT TO ALDEN... AND YET, "SHE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THERE WAS ANY HOT WATER IN THE PO". FUCKING LIARS... IT'S WORN THIN. - E-mail from Deborah... the barn has electric and Julio is BLASTING his electric guitar out there. Sad, really... these people who come to the mountains for the serenity... and only to disturb it. Well? Another item on the "WHY WE HAVE TO MOVE" list. - I have MUCH catching-up so... on with that as the room warms nicely, the rain falls and soft music on the iPod. - 20.47 I was trying to catch-up with yesterday's journalling but... it's late already and I'd like to shower... toe nails need trimming! And for some reason, I'm feeling "off" again... just came on suddenly. - Anyway... Yonah is tucked-in, the rain is falling. The furnace is "On" but not running (thankfully). It's chilly, damp, what-ever... NOT the "SUMMER SOLSTICE" one would expect... and doesn't it figure... longest day... rain. Oh just fuck. And more rain tomorrow! 14° tonight... they claim... 22 tomorrow... 24 and "orages" on Thursday... FUCK! - I have to call Richie for an estimate tomorrow too... I'm thinking this brake work is NOT going to get done before July.... I'm just feeling it... PRICKS. FUX and SHITS! We shall see. At least the gas bill is 20 less than budgeted. There's that... big fucking woop. - Quntie is over there thudding about... makes me sick... But... I'm going to have ice cream now... a Brit... a shower, clip the nails and off to the rack. - AND OF FUCKING COURSE... MY GUTS ARE KNOTTING WITH THE BANGING OVER THERE... ALWAYS AT THIS HOUR WHEN "HUMANS" ARE SETTLING-DOWN FOR THE NIGHT! FUCKING TRASH! - 22.22 Imagine this shit! AGAIN! I honestly do NOT know how the time slips by so quickly. It isn't like I sit here... waiting. I mean, I no sooner get to sit at table, try to get some of the daily Journals done, watch ONE episode of something and BANG! And for this I postpone a SHOWER! FUCK ME! - Ah well... "THE LONGEST DAY" of the year is gone... in clouds, chills, rains, drizzles... fucked. It's kinda-like Christmas... look forward to it, it arrives, it's gone. "Time"... what the actual fuck? - Now to hope for a night's rest... Short as it might be.

Wed.22.Jun:9.16 GOT IT! FINALLY! This journal is current. Yonah's is almost current. I have photos to work with this morning. And it's a mere 20.9° in the room... I don't know it it's actually the grey and damp or my thyroid... I'm learning too much about what's "wrong" with this old body. I wonder if/how I'll manage with all the bull-shit to come with the PO and how long (if at all), I'll be able to tolerate it. One thing I've been thinking is this "fetish" these dolts have with "vaccines"... there's been no mention of it/them but I'm waiting... and THAT just might be the end to all of this nonsense with the "job application". "LOL" as they say. If there's ANY insistence... they can just start again... no argument from me. Just a "thanks for the experience"... and we toddle back to where we've been. - Poor Yonah is in good spirits this dreary morning. No sun, no warmth... closed-in. - AND THE BLOODY RODENTS IN THE YARD... THE SQUIRRELS ARE GOING FOR THE SUN-FLOWERS! TIME FOR SERIOUS TRAPS... AND NO "RELEASE" ANY MORE... THEY'RE GONE GONE GONE. MICE ALL BLOODY WINTER... NOW THIS? NO. AFTER THE BRAKES ARE FIXED AND THINGS SETTLE... I'LL TRY AN OWL. IF THAT DOESN'T DO IT... SNAP TRAPS! - In a little while... I'm going to ring Richie for THAT bull-shit fuckerie. I JUST have a gut feeling he's going to hit me with more than 600$...Oh well... I might just tell him to fix what-ever... under 500$ for now... Hey... if I can make it to the "urine test"... - I'm just tired of all of this fighting lately... that thing next door, the rodents (vermin... the both), utilities... tired... just tired. - Honestly... if not for Yonah... my heart-beat, my soul, my reason for even bothering with anything... at all. -
*** VOMIT-TIME! 9.57 JUST OFF THE LINE WITH RICHIE... $575 (CASH) FOR ALL THIS FUCKING WORK! LEAVES ME WITH 25$ OVER WHAT I HAVE! IF NOT FOR THE 200 FROM DEBORAH... I'D BE FUCKED ROYALLY! AND WHEN I TOOK A BREATH, RICHIE SAYS "ARE YOU ALRIGHT?" IMAGINE THAT. NO, I'M NOT REALLY, BUT... FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK! Oh well... at least the cash is on-hand/in-house. And now, I have head-ache. But... NEXT? THE FUCKING NYSEG BILL... I just have to keep in mind... I have to get through July... JUST GET THROUGH JULY! And then? What-ever is coming to SLAM in August... THAT month!
Good thing I took a 30-minute snooze this morning.... Now... back to Yonah's photos and Journal! MY HEART-AND-SOUL! With-out him... -
10.28 GOT THE OUT FOR THIS PO SPOT... GOT A CALL FROM SOME DOLT WITH AN INDIAN ACCENT... THEY WANT ME TO GO ALL THE WAY TO ALBANY FOR FINGER-PRINTING... AND... BEFORE THURSDAY-WEEK! SO... NO JOB HERE. DONE DEAL.. OH... "ALTERNATE" LOCATION... SYRACUSE! OH NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE... SO THAT WAS FUN. AND DONE. - 14.44 IMAGINE THIS... I CALLED KEVIN TO TELL HIM THAT I'M NOT GOING TO GO TO ALBANY FOR FINGER-PRINTING AND AT FIRST, HE JUST LET IT GO... SO I WAS "RELIEVED". MEANWHILE, DEBORAH SENDS E-MAIL SAYING I CAN USE THE JEEP TO GET TO ALBANY, IF I WANT. NEXT... PHONE RINGS... KEVIN, WANTS TO KNOW WHY I DON'T WANT TO GO TO ALBANY... SO I TOLD HIM... WE TALKED, AND HE SOUNDED REALLY, HONESTLY DISAPPOINTED! SO... I LEFT IT OPEN WITH HIM... SO I'M STILL IN THE RUNNING... FUCK THAT... I'M HIRED... HE TOLD ME THEY'LL PAY MY TRAVEL EXPENSES! LOOKS LIKE... SO I SENT AN E-MAIL TO DEBORAH SUGGESTING WE COULD GO TOGETHER... JULIO, HER, ROSIE, ME... (I WANT TO TAKE YONAH TOO BUT THAT INSANITY!). CALLED KEVIN BACK TO ASK WHERE THE FINGER-PRINTING IS DONE... COLONIE. WELL... BETTER THERE THAN ON CENTRAL *IN* ALBANY... (NOT FAR FROM QUAIL). AND... HE SOUNDED RELIEVED TO KNOW THAT I'M STILL CONSIDERING. HE SAID THAT THE STATE POLICE USED TO DO THE FINGER-PRINTING FOR THE USPS BUT THEY STOPPED... LAST YEAR. AH... I WONDER WHY THEY STOPPED. SO NOW... IT HANGS... AND I'M STILL NOT "POSITIVE" I WANT THIS SHIT. BUT WE SHALL SEE... HOW IT RUNS... IMAGINE? MORE INCONVENIENCES TO OTHERS BECAUSE OF THE USPS AND THEIR CLUELESSNESS! FUCK... FLASH-BACKS TO RENTED CARS AND TRIPS ACROSS THE WHITE MOUNTAINS OF NEW HAMPSHIRE! WHAT A FUCK! THIS HAD BETTER BE WORTH THE BULL-SHIT! - 19.50 Deborah sent an e-mail to say that she'll be here in the morning to follow me to Richie's at 9.-ish... then bring me back to the shit-box. From the looks of it, there's a LOT of rain due, of course, at about 9.-ish... Or... maybe she wants me to drive back so she can see how I drive? ...
I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT FOR MONDAY... 13.45, AT THE "GMF" IN COLONIE, FOR FINGER-PRINTING.... DEBORAH'S VEHICLE AND WE'RE GOING TOGETHER! I'M EXCITED ABOUT A ROAD TRIP WITH HER... NOT ABOUT GOING TO COLONIE... NOR THE ENTIRE POSTAL AFFAIR. BUT... THERE'S STILL THE CHANCE THEY'LL SAY "NO"... THOUGH, SOME-HOW, I DOUBT THAT VERY MUCH. THEY'RE STILL SO FUCKING DISRESPECTFUL! ONE WOULD THINK THAT *WE* NEED *THEM* WHEN, IN FACT, FOR THIS "PMR" POSITION... IT TRULY IS THE OPPOSITE! FUKTARDZ.
Anyway... it's been a pissie sort of day and I didn't get my shower in (yet), nor did I Hoover. But... I won't be going any-where tomorrow so... there's time for the Hoovering and what-ever... and if it DOES rain as heavily as threatened, I won't be traipsing in the wood-lands. - But right now, I want to get to the shower... I need a "trim" and my toe-nails need clipping and I DO have an "odour" that offends even me at this juncture. So. I'm leaving a lot of Journalling again... Thankfully, Yonah's is "noted" for today... I MUST focus on that in the morning. And this one? Well... no notes... but I'm not bothering with it. - It's 19.57, Yonah is tucked-in for the night... I'll shower, watch my Brit, go to the rack and hope for a night's "sleep"... or what-ever it is I do of a night. - I almost wish I were excited about going back to work... but I'm not... I have MAJOR trepidations. Oh well... - Oh! THE "OTC" CARD CAME TODAY... PEROXIDE, TOOTHPASTE, PRIMATENE AND NEOSPORIN DUE ON FRIDAY... LET'S SEE WHERE THE DOLTS DELIVER THIS TIME... FUCK FUCK FUCK... FEDEX. - 2109 WELL! LOOK AT THIS! CLOSER TO "NORMAL"... NOW LET'S SEE WHAT KIND OF NIGHT IS AHEAD... I'M NOT EXPECTING "HAPPY"....

Thu.23.Jun: 5:57 underthings and scrubs on the soak... I HAD to wash the scrubs again... little "night skids", to put it politely. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW OR WHY THIS IS HAPPENING! AND AT NIGHT, IN MY SLEEP! And since I'll be in the car with Deborah for even a few moments this morning, since she INSISTS upon coming to follow me up to Richie's and bring me back... I still can't figure it out... she either MUST enjoy it or just needs to get away from the house? (I really don't believe either of them is actually ready for a "life-time" up here in this rural "wilderness". It's all a delight... when it's a "visit" but a "life"? Well... what-ever the case.) I HAD TO SHOWER THIS MORNING AND SO I DID. WONDERFUL WATER PRESSURE... AT BLEATING 5.30! - So now, I'm just waiting for Yonah to call... I'm growing "anxious"... he's back to later again and well... truth is... it's WINDY out there, and grey and looks "vorboding". But, at least, it's not as COLD as it's been these past days. There's that much to be grateful for. - 7.32 Had to step in to check on Yonah at 6.00 because of no "morning call" but, THANKFULLY, HE WAS FINE. Probably just trying to get a little extra sleep-time in. Can't blame him... all this grey and chill and damp and drear! - Meanwhile... this morning's washing is on the rack and the rack is on the back gallery. I don't expect it to dry, but it's out there... before the rains wash-in. And I managed to plant some more sun-flower sprouts in the kitchen garden... this time, protect by a DOUBLE yoghurt container for each planting. Will this work? Probably not. But I'll keep trying. By the time any of them get large enough to bloom... the snow will be fucking falling again... SHIT! - I AM IN SUCH PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN THIS MORNING! THE L.NUT AGAIN! AND INTO THE LOWER BACK! THE "SUPPORTER" IS FRESH OUT OF THE WASHING SO THERE'S NO USING THAT. I TRIED ONE OF THE "OLD" ONES... SO STRETCHED IT'S WORTHLESS! BUT THIS MORNING, IT'S ALMOST DEBILITATING! I'VE NO IDEA WHAT'S CAUSING THIS BUT I'LL BE DAMNED IF THERE'S ANOTHER SURGERY TO COME. AND SURELY NOT "UP HERE" WITH UVM AND THE HELM. FUKDATSHIT! - 9.35 Deborah showed at 9.10... THE TRUCK STARTED RIGHT UP! THE BRAKES ARE *GONE*! IT WAS ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO STOP WHEN I GOT TO RICHIE'S. Now... let's see what condition the truck is in when this is done, and... my gut is telling me that he's going to jack the cost up... I don't know "why"... probably because I truly CANNOT afford ANY more than 600, he quoted me 575... Anyway... JUST AS I STEPPED OUT OF HIS "OFFICE"... IT POURED... AND IT'S STILL POURING! Had I gone this morning, I could have made it there and back. But... the waiting... Anyway, it was SO KIND of Deborah to run me back to the shit-box. - Meanwhile... Yonah... he seems OK but his feathers are "dull" and a bit "raggéd". I'm now gone from "concerned" to "WORRIED"! And it's 20,5° in his room. Chilly. Yesterday's check on the oil is just at the bottom of the "3/4" line. There's oil... but now I worry about the electric. I'll probably not "worry" about that in a little while, if it doesn't warm-up around here. I don't want Yonah feeling ANY chill. I WANT SUN-SHINE FOR HIM! DAMNIT! DAMN THIS WORLD! - The trees are on the back walk though... Not that that'll make any difference... should anything happen to Yonah... Trees, this "job"... - 16.51 THE TRUCK IS STILL IN THE GARAGE. Deborah came back to get me at 15.55... and when we got to the garage, the truck was "down" but the rear wheels are off. My gut wrenched. Come to find out... RUST! MASSIVE RUST. Richie said that they had to "blast" the rust off to get to the parts, cleaned those and when he mechanic went to put things back... a bolt snapped! More RUST! "And it'll only cost you another 50..." that's all I heard, I wanted to vomit! BUT... WHEN I SAID, ALMOST IN ACTUAL TEARS, THAT I ONLY HAD 600 UNTIL THE 3rd RICHIE SAID "DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. YOU'LL GIVE IT TO ME WHEN YOU GET IT." I ALMOST DROPPED ON THE FLOOR! I'VE BEEN SO WORRIED ABOUT THAT. Anyway... I talked with the mechanic who was just running the break line at the time and he said that what they use doesn't rust. So that's comforting... if anything is. I told him I have at least two trips to Albany and he said that the truck is OK to make that. OK then. (Now, hopefully, I'll be able to afford the bloody GAS! There's always that "something else".) THEN Richie tells me, "I'll call you in the morning and come get you." Deborah also offered to pick me up again... I think I'll walk it. Might help with the groin pain... if I can make it. It got a little better as the day went on. Two under-pants and the t-shirt "wrapped" between the legs AND THE BACK BRACE. JEEZUS! - BLOODY 19.36, there's a "stench" coming in through Yonah's window... some kind of "rotting food-stuffs" and the QUNT is banging shit about! ALL FUCKING DAY, it does NOTHING... and when PEOPLE are settling for the night, that SHIT-SACK gets started! One of these days... oh just one of these days... As I keep thinking: my best revenge/pay-back is leaving here here... with one of Alden's "regular" tenants... TAH-DAH! - 20.25 I'm actually caught-up with Journals again... FUCK! AND TIRED! - The sun is coming just as it's setting AND SUNDAY... 31°! BUT THREE DAYS OF SUN! I WANT TO GET YONAH OUT INTO THAT! - Yonah was tucked-in at 20.00 so he's all set. And me? Well... I don't have jammies but I'm clean from this morning's shower... and the low tonight... 13°. Mebbee nood? I don't know. We shall see. (Afghan on bed if so!) - The shipment of peroxide, toothpaste, Neosporin and Primatene is due tomorrow. THIS should be fun... to see where it gets delivered! If not to here... I'm going to lose my fucking nut! - Anyway... there's a week's worth of posting here tonight... on this Journal. Time to get at it. - Tonight will be "virus scan" too... this lap-top has nothing on it, really, but it's slowing... and I'm getting nervous. Even with being back to work... 28$/day... before taxes? (I MUST view this as a "hobby"... what's going to be painful are Saturdays... 3 hours away from my little Heart-and-Soul. - BEFORE I FORGET... I SPOKE, BRIEFLY, WITH EV TODAY... AND LOIS! WHEN I RANG THIS MORNING, LOIS ANSWERED THE PHONE! IMAGINE THAT! EV WAS IN THE SHOWER. SADLY, EV CALLED BACK AS DEBORAH CAME TO FETCH ME TO GO TO RICHIE'S AT 16.00. BUT... EV'S AT THE LAKE... HURRAY! THAT'S A RELIEF... OUT OF AND AWAY FROM THAT CESSPOOL CITY! I'LL HAVE TO PHONE HER, PERHAPS TOMORROW... BRIEFLY. LOIS AND TAYLOR ARE WITH HER AND IF IT GETS HOT... SURELY THEY'LL GO TO THE LAKE FOR A SWIM. BUT IT WAS A DELIGHT TO KNOW SHE'S WELL! - ON with the postings... a nosh, a Brit... the rack. - 22.02 Oddly enough... I'm not even fishing HIGNFY... and my chest is tightening. I'm tired... off to the rack

(Here we go again... "Catch-up"... Sunday morning... 9.51 already... THIS nonsense of "catch-up" really ought to stop. But then, I DO remember Jeannine saying: there's no "obligation" to a Journal; if you don't want to write, don't, if there's nothing worth recording, don't. Still, this thing has been such a blessing... so... Let's see how much I can actually remember about the "notes" I've managed to jot... "remember" HAH!)
Fri.24.Jun:No reading last night... into rack... light out. I was just TOO damned tired. And, to be honest, I don't even recall falling asleep (or what-ever it is I "fall" into when the brain finally shuts-down). Head on pillow... it ws this morning. - 15.27 Truck's back... This morning, Richie called and left a message on the Skype nr. The transcription looks like the "voice recognition" is from Yugoslavia! Anyway, he offered to come pick me up, to give the truck a "test drive", but by the time I got done with so much other bull-shit... when I called and spoke to the mechanic, Richie was out until after lunch and I knew there was a balance I'd owe, and Richie said "when you have it" and I REALLY am NOT in a mood to deal with hearing "Oh, I don't know anything about that" so.. I waited until about 12.45 to start the walk up. Of course, another "e-mail" from Deborah... something about having to go to Plattsburgh, so I'd have to have the world revolved around her schedule. Nice that she'd offer but... Never mind. And I thought the walk might be good for me... lungs, heart, legs. WOW... THAT was almost a mistake. I truly can't do a mile any more... BUT... if clocks were correct, I made it in about 25 minutes... and I was SLOW... for me. (No more thinking: to market and back in a morning. It's going to be a whole-day affair now... unless I do something about this "health" of mine.) Anyway... When I got to the garage, Richie was there, pulled the invoice... THANK THE FATES I HAD CASH! SAVED ME 50$!!! BUT... I OWE rICHIE 29,14$... Actually, I was RELIEVED... I WAS THINKING MORE ON THE LINES OF 2-300$! And he said "Give me what you've got and you can pay the rest when you can." When I almost broke into tears, he said "And don't make a special trip for this." WOW! Still... 29$ is a FAR CRY (cry) from the HUNDREDS I'd been expecting! - Now... I'm in debt for this repair for 29, Richie... 200 for Deborah! FUCK ME! My "life"... NEVER CATCHING-UP... I remember Emmie saying "Did you ever notice how life gives you ONLY JUST WHAT YOU NEED AND NOTHING MORE? Yeah... that's been my ENTIRE EXISTENCE! I mean, even the "GoFme"... NEVER even came to what I "needed"... Oh well... At this juncture, at my age... It's never going to be any different. - Meanwhile... DEBORAH JUST CALLED... IMAGINE THAT... "CALLED"... PHONE... SPEECH... TALK... (of course "I'm in a rush. Sorry to cut it short"... as usual...) SOMETHING ABOUT THE MUFFLER ON HER CAR... "WE THOUGHT WE WERE DRIVING NEXT TO A MOTORCYLCE." in Plattsburgh. AND, THEY TOOK IT TO THE DEALER-SHIP IN LIZTOON AND THEY DON'T HAVE THE PART AND THE REPAIR WON'T BE "IN TIME" FOR MONDAY! I'M BACK ON MY OWN AGAIN... JUST LIKE... WELL... HOW TOO-WELL I REMEMBER THE "VT" BULL-SHIT FUCKERIE FOR THAT FUCKING "JOB"... AND WALKING THROUGH SLUSH, RAIN, THE WORKS. THE TRIP TO MAINE... 3 DAYS, A DOZEN DONUTS. HERE WE GO AGAIN! AND NOW, I'M OFF TO ALBANY... ALONE... ON MONDAY. Maybe it's better this way... I'll know when it's all over. OK. SO IT'S NOT HER FAULT... SHIT HAPPENS. AFTER ALL... MY MUFFLER IS BEING HELD TOGETHER WITH A "PROGRESSO LENTIL" TIN AND SOME "FURNACE CEMENT". THERE'S THAT. BUT... TIME FOR THE OLD GUTS TO START CHURNING... AS ALWAYS.
It's 24° in Yonah's room now and I'm SWEATING terribly! And at this hour... the fucking day is GONE... again... and I HAVE to HOOVER yet! Not "ought"... "HAVE TO". - Oh... and when I left to fetch the truck, I wasn't thinking and got the truck, rolled into town to grab some groceries... my next bottle of pills and put some gas into the truck and 2-plus hours came back to see that I'd left the lap-top running ON TWTR! FUCK! - 18.27 I'm in an EXTREMELY DOUR MOOD right now... even to the point of "loosing it" for a moment... and bitching aloud! The motorcycles on the main... THEY FUCKING RATTLE THE GUTS WITH THOSE MUFFLERS! I'M AT THE END OF "TOLERANCE"! Add to that, the qunt next door... rodents eating all the sun-flowers... the bull-shit with Deborah today... and with her, it's not the trouble with the car... it's the trouble with the "e-mails"! WTAF is WRONG with people these days? E-mail... Text... FUCK THAT SHIT! If it's not worth saying, with voice, it's not worth me taking time to even acknowledge! I'm REALLY fed-the-fuck up! - AND.. it's been HOT ALL DAY today... too much heat too soon after too much chill. AND... now... there really isn't time to get Yonah out into the sun! "Time"... what shit... - I suppose I should be "happy"... HAHAHAH... "happy"... "settle for" the fact that I got the truck... AND got SOME gas...
THREE (3) GALLONS... AND I HAD TO GO INTO STEWART'S BECAUSE THE CARD WOULDN'T WORK AT THE PUMP... PRE-PAY AT 20$ AND THE PUMP STOPPED AT "19,99$". WHAT THAT ACTUAL FUCK IS THAT ABOUT? EH? (I checked... my receipt reads: 20, but the charge to the account is 19,99... still) BUT... THREE GALLONS AT 20$? I HAVE 226 MILES TO GO ON MONDAY! THIS IS GOING TO BE ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE "NEW HAMPSHIRE" TRIPS... OH THAT NIGHT... IN THE BLIZZARD, NOT KNOW WHERE, IN FUX NAME I WAS GOING. DOWN TO THE LAST COUPLE OF DOLLARS IN BOB'S CAR... DARK, STORM, AND WATCHING EVERY MOVEMENT OF THE GAS GAUGE! HERE WE FUCKING-BLOODY GO A-FUCKING-GAIN!
But then too, I did get the next 90 Atorvastatin (free, thankfully, covered by insurance... "thankfully"... what-the-fuck-ever), and to market for a quick shopping... ice cream tonight, and some chicken... since tonight's the end of that. Got pudding mixes and the crusts for 2 pies... simply for the tins for the garden. (The rodents are on my last nerves now too... all that seed, all those flowers... I WANT THEM DEAD now.) Oh... and, I got another spare house-key that I meant to give to Deborah... Why? Not sure. At this point, though the car situation isn't an "initentional", I don't know that I'd trust her to take proper care of Yonah... and I was thinking that, if I have to go to Albany for those 2 days... well... not so much any more. And the bloody key cost just over 3$! I remember when they were all of about 50¢! JEEZUS KRISTE! AND... I made it back to the shit-box... THE MUFFLER HAS HELD... THUS FAR. OK... NOW... LET'S SEE WHAT HAPPENS ON MONDAY... THERE'S SUPPOSED TO BE RAIN! (I have visions of the "cement" being washed away... most-likely on the way TO the PO... pulling into the lot with NO muffler at all... THAT WOULD be my "Fate", of course.) Oh... jolly-fukme anyway. - OH BUT BUT BUT... in ALL of this... the phone rings this after-noon as I'm getting "settled" after the havoc... EV !!! I'd called her from the 718 number and she said it had confused her. She wasn't sure about who it was. But she called back on the 40517. Anyway... she's at the lake, keeping ever-so busy this week. Lois and Taylor are there with here. Taylor is 20 years old already! It just doesn't seem possible! But Ev sounded very good, happy, content. That was a lift to my spirits. We talked about me going back to work, her "social life" at the lake... Lois and Taylor tending bar at the local "Elks'" club... It really was a delight chatting with her. And when I mentioned the truck, she reminded me that I'd driven down to see her... right after I'd gotten it. Imagine? That was FOUR YEARS AGO, TOMORROW! FOUR YEARS! "Time"... again. - 20.10 MY FINGERS ARE SORE TONIGHT! I was pulling the grasses out of the kitchen "garden"... I wonder why it is that my fingers are so sore after working in the dirt... here... what's in the soil? Though, that soil in that garden is now SO FULL OF PEPPER! BUT... I WANT THOSE BLOODY VERMIN RODENTS GONE GONE GONE! I'M SICK TO FUCKING DEATH OF THEM... SQUIRRELS AND CHIPMUNKS! THEY NEED TO GO! BE GONE! GOTTEN RID OF! NOW! - And I'm sweating... got sweaty in the garden... I NEED NEED NEED A SHOWER! REALLY. - THE WALMART ORDER ARRIVED TODAY. THE FedEx GUY SAID THAT HIS "GPS" TELLS HIM TO MAKE THE TURN ONTO THE HILL SO THAT COULD BE THE REASON FOR THE MIS-DELIVERY (from Spectrum). BUT HE KNOWS THE AREA AND THE ROUTE SO... ANYWAY... "PRIMATENE" IN THE HOUSE AGAIN! YAY! I don't know that I WILL use it... but I saw it listed on-line, on several "MD" sites that it helps with COPD... and emphysema. We shall see... WHEN/IF I NEED... not before. One day when I'm in the shit-box... the truck is rolling properly... in case I need to get to the ER... Oh... this too is fucking with my nerves and mood.... I need to push it all aside... for a while. "Thing to accomplish"! - I've set the e-mails from Deborah to go to the "Gml" acct. for Yonah... that way I don't have to be bothered by them.... and we'll see if she even notices that I don't reply. (Oh... you sent e-mails? Gee... I didn't see them.) If it ain't worth sayin' it ain't worth readin'. I'm tired of this "e-mail" bull-shit. - I've been "jotting notes" on the Journals again... I'm just too damned tired during and especially at the end of the day, lately. - I've got "book-keeping" to do too... - AND THE LARGE FILLING IN THE BOTTOM TOOTH IS OUT AGAIN! THIS SHIT JUST ISN'T LASTING AND I CAN'T IMAGINE WHY... Of course I can... somebody realised it works and we can't have that! FUCK! - Tomorrow... MUST MUST MUST HAIR-CUT, BEARD TRIM... Journals and book-work... and... A DAY WITH MY LITTLE GUY! NO "GOING", RUNNING, ROLLING... JUST US, THE TWO OF US! MY SOLACE, PEACE... MY LITTLE LOVE! - 22.17 Off to the rack... CHEST PAINS TONIGHT... AND TIGHT THROAT TOO! ANXIETIES? MONDAY? PROBABLY PERHAPS... BUT no shower.. I'm just off the to rack... for the Hell-Of-The-Night... And... grateful this day is done! - OH... BECAUSE IT'S "LA FETE", I WANTED TO PUT THE QC FLAG OUT BUT COULDN'T FIGURE HOW TO PUT THE POLE BACK UP WITH-OUT GOING THROUGH ALL SORTS OF BULL-SHIT. SO I HUNG IN ON THE FRONT DOOR. THIS AFTER-NOON, I'D STEPPED OUT FOR A SMOKE ON THE FRONT PORCH AND Ms. QUNITE WAS FETCHING IT'S POST... AS I WAS SMOKING. NOT THAT I THOUGHT I COULD, BUT... NO MORE USING THE "I QUIT SO I DON'T WANT IT IN THE HOUSE"... ANYWAY, I MENTIONED THE HOLIDAY... THE MORON WASN'T AWARE... OF COURSE, AND SAID "I was going to put the flag up but I'm sure SOMEBODY was bound to be offended"... Quntie caught my "drift" and appeared "annoyed" by it. FUKTARD! - END OF DAY. DONE!

Sat.25.Jun: TRUCK 4 YEARS AGO! Honestly? I barely remember it all... mostly that Jackie drove me to Colchester on her way to work, all but dumped me to get the truck and took off... Today... 4 years later and 6430$ into it... To think... COMPLETELY UN-KNOWN, I TRUSTED THAT TRUCK... ON MY B'DAY... TO DRIVE DOWN TO NBG... CT TO VISIT WITH EV.... THEN... IN A BLIZZARD... DROVE ALL THE WAY TO MONTICELLO TO SEE DOROTHY... AND BACK AGAIN... And today? There it sits, in the drive and I'm afraid to drive to Albany! Am I an idiot? Or what? Four years ago... "Time"... I just can't get over that.
13.00 JUST BACK FROM PANIC.... WAS SITTING AT THE WORK TABLE WHEN I REALISED... IT'S SUPPOSED TO RAIN ON MONDAY... !!!!! I NEED WIPERS FOR MONDAY... IT'S SUPPOSED TO DRIZZLE (AT LEAST). LOOKED FOR WIPERS ON-LINE... NAPA? ABOUT 8$ EA. THOUGH THEY TRIED TO GO FOR 50$ EACH... FUKKERS. WEB-SITE SAID "CLOSED AT 2P" TODAY... I BOLTED! GOT THERE... CLOSED AT... BLOODY NOON! SO... STOPPED AT FAMDOLL... BETSY AND BUBBA WERE THERE... I ASKED WHERE TO GET BLADES... BETSY LOOKED UP AND CASUALLY SAID "AISLE 23" DAMN! BUBBA WENT, LOOKED IT UP ON THE "BOOK"... 22IN... 7,15$. OK! BOTH BLADES! 15,44$ FOR BOTH AS OPPOSED TO THE 30$ I EXPECTED. THEY FIT... THUS FAR. I PUT THEM ON IN THE PARKING LOT. WILL THEY HOLD? I DON'T KNOW... WE SHALL SEE... I'M NOT COUNTING ON IT. BUT... THEY WERE THE ITEM THAT I WORRIED ABOUT MOST FOR INSPECTION SO... AND THE MONEY CAME FROM THE VT ACCOUNT WHICH I WASN'T LOOKING AT SO... THERE MIGHT BE ONLY JUST BARELY ENOUGH TO GET TO AND FROM ALBANY ON MONDAY... I MIGHT BE COMING BACK ON "FUMES". JUST UNDER HALF TANK NOW... WILL TAKE ABOUT HALF TANK DOWN AND BACK... I HOPE NO MORE! AND I MIGHT HAVE TO DROP THE OCTANE FOR THIS TRIP.... SINCE 20$ GOT ME 3 GALLONS AND I CAN ONLY PLAY WITH 40$ NOW OR... AT A STRETCH... 60$ BUT EVEN A T 60$... THAT'S 9 GALLONS 91... ABOUT 1/4 TANK. NEEDLESS TO SAY... I'M NOT FEELING WELL AT ALL... HAVEN'T, REALLY, ALL MORNING. AND IT'S 25,5° IN YONAH'S ROOM. MY CHEST IS "LOCKED". - AND THIS MORNING'S POST: FS RE-CERT! DID IT ON-LINE... WE SHALL SEE... - I HAVE SEWING... I HAVE JOURNALS... NOW I HAVE BOOK-KEEPING. AND I TOOK A 45 -MINUTE SNOOZE THIS MORNING... AWAKENED BY.... MY HEART-AND-SOUL. BLESS HIM... - I DO NOT WANT TO TAKE THIS TRIP ON MONDAY. I'LL HAVE TO BE CAREFUL WITH THE TRUCK, DRIVE "CIVILLY"... IT MIGHT TAKE ME THE BETTER PART OF 2 HOURS EACH WAY... AN HOUR THERE... FIVE (5) HOURS! AWAY FROM MY HEART-AND-SOUL! I AM * NOT * HAPPY. - 15.15 Fucking day is SHOT! I got the paper-work and book-keeping done. Stitched a sock and the Canada tote. It's 17,7° in Yonah's room and I have a ginger tisane sitting here, cooling... HAH... "cooling". Anyway, not happy about the day. And it's SO HOT out there that I don't know if it's good to bring Yonah out now... even in "dappled shade". - Well... the wipers are on. Now... will the truck start and stop when necessary and make the round trip? Probably not... oh well... no job. - I can't care... I simply can't. - 20.21 I NEED TO GET MY HAIRS CUT! - YONAH AND I WERE OUT THIS EVENING, AFTER MEAL, FOR ABOUT 45 MINUTES AGAIN. YAY! SUN-SHINE! BUT IT WAS HUMID OUT THERE! AND THE OTHER DOVES CAME ROUND TO SEE HIM. ONE FEMALE WAS SO INTERESTED... SHE WAS UP ON THE PO ROOF STARING AT HIM! HE DIDN'T REALLY SEEM "TOO" INTERESTED IN HER, BUT HE LOOKED ABOUT. I DID A LITTLE "CLEANING" OF THE "GARDEN", GOT RID OF ALL THE GRASSES... NO PLACE FOR THE RODENTS TO HIDE NOW... FUCKERS. AND THEN SAT, FOR A WHILE, ON THE STEP, WITH VINEGAR IN HAND... WHEN I STOOD UP, YONAH SEEMED SO HAPPY TO KNOW HE WASN'T ALONE OUT THERE. MY LITTLE HEART-AND-SOUL! his Journal is current this evening. THIS one is DAYS behind again! Ah... tomorrow... it's supposed to be in the 30s so... We have a day together... until I go to get gas... (my stomach wrenches at the thought... BROKE AGAIN!). - I'm SO TIRED BUT... OFF TO CUT THE HAIRS, TRIM THE BEARD, GRAB A SHOWER... "Plan": do that, put on the scrubs, have ice cream... get to the rack... Let's see how it rolls... FUCK ME! - 22.51 OK... LATE LATE LATE! BUT HAIR IS CUT... not one of my "better" jobs... and WOW is it ever obvious that my vision is SHIT! But it's done! AND a shower... and ice cream... A bit of old "QI".... Now I wonder: I had a LOT of that chocolate pie and TWO helpings of ice cream... will I ever be sick tomorrow? AND I'm MUCH later than I'd wanted to be to rack... Oh well... At least I got me "appearing" a bit more "human"... Now... I HOPE they take the photo for ID on Monday too! NOT, mind, that I'll look "presentable"... I'm SURE that, after driving in the rain, worried about the truck, I'll look like I'd died... in 1920 or something. Oh well... We do what we must until we don't have to "do". As long as my Heart-and-Soul takes breath... Nothing else matters. HEY! At least with the job, I don't have to travel... be away... and it's only 2 morning hours... when I'm usually at the kitchen table anyway... and I'll be right here... in case... (I really don't trust that miserable qunt next door...) - Ah... my "life"... NEVER let ANYTHING be easy... Time to shut this day down...

Sun.26.Jun: 8.54 OK! SO... LAST NIGHT WAS ANOTHER NIGHT OF *** CONTRACTIONS *** !!! LEFT FOOT. LEFT LEG. LEFT THIGH. UP AND DOWN. THANKFULLY, ONLY TO STAND, BUT IT HAD TO BE ABOUT 4 TIMES THROUGH. NEEDLESS TO SAY, THIS MORNING WAS EXTREMELY DIFFICULT JUST OPENING EYES TO TURN OFF THE ALARMS AND THEN TO SET ANOTHER ONE FOR ALMOST 6.00! BUT WHEN THAT ONE SOUNDED, I MANAGED TO DRAG ME OUT OF THE RACK... BEGRUDGINGLY, AND JUST IN TIME... ONE "HACK" TO CLEAR THE THROAT AS I POURED THE KETTLE AND AT 6.14... MY HEART-AND-SOUL, WITH-OUT WHOM, I WOULD HAVE NEVER BOTHERED TO GET UP, CALLED. THIS MORNING WAS ON THE ROLL.... - COFFEE, WINDOWS, WATER RELAY AND ALL... AND THEN, 2 SHIRTS AND A PAIR OF JEANS INTO THE BASIN TO SOAK, THE LOO RUG INTO THE SHOWER, WET AND SPRAYED WITH LYSOL... "MORNING ROUTINE" COMPLETE, SCRUBBED THE RUG WITH THE BRUSH AND RINSED AS BEST POSSIBLE, WASHED THE CLOTHES IN THE BASIN AND ON THE LINE... WASHED T-SHIRT AND SOCKS, ON THE RACK... AND A QUICK TRIP TO THE LOO TO "EMPTY THE SYSTEM"... AT LAST... THAT'S SOMETHING OVER-DUE. "SUNDAY"... WHAT A FUCK. - And, several times, my Little Guy came out to the kitchen, to head to the back door and to "check on me". Now THAT is the ONLY part of the day that has been worth the while. - Meanwhile, tight in the chest, eyes a bit on the "fatigue burn", but I'm dressed in clean clothes (save the under-shorts because I need... NEED a "double" on those and well... I just don't have the "luxury"... my back/hip/groin HURT again this morning). Last night's hair-cut isn't "bad". NOT one of my "best" but it looks "clean"... as if I DO bathe. So... tomorrow morning should be interesting. - And now. in Yonah's room... 24,6° already... the fans in both rooms drawing the cool air from the North, but I can feel the HOT coming in anyway... It's going to be quite the day. - FORECAST FOR TOMORROW? OH FUN, FUN, FUN, FUCK... STORMS TONIGHT HERE AND IN ALBANY (OF COURSE)... "HEAVY RAINS" IN THE MORNING (IN ALBANY) AND "T-STORMS" IN ALBANY ALL DAY! I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS ABOUT THESE "PO" JOBS BUT WOW... DO I EVER HAVE TO GO THROUGH ABSOLUTE LIVING *** HELL *** FOR THIS BULL-SHIT. I wonder... really... if it's really all worth the couple of weeks I MIGHT be able to hold this shit... considering the potential bull-shit-fuckerie that will, not doubt, be the high-light of the career. - BUT... WITH THE EXTRA INCOME... I'LL BE ABLE TO SEE TO IT THAT YONAH GETS PROPER CARE... AND WITH THIS TRIP TO ALBANY, I'LL GET TO SEE ABOUT THE TRIP TO "GLENS FALLS" TO THE VET. SO? SO... there's that much. - Last night, in spite of trying to "dodge" e-mails and the likes from... I happened to see a "later-sent" message... fucking e-mail... whining about the "muffler" on their vehicle... and a mention of them looking to buy a "new" vehicle "in time for Tuesday" when they'll be leaving, for a week, to toddle back to The City. Imagine? The muffler goes and instead of repairing, just buy a new vehicle. How lovely it must be. Even if I could, I doubt I would. Anyway, a mention of me watering the house-plants... 'for pay'. Once upon a time... perhaps... but this isn't the time. - So I'm in Yonah's room for the day, until I get the guts to transfer the last out of the savings to the chequing and put it all into the gas tank. I'm going to have to cut the "octane" now... and then run 226 miles on a "mix"... and I'm not happy about that. It's supposed to be the opposite: better gas for longer trips... oh well... - And am I "sick" about this? Well OF COURSE I AM! THE WORST: LEAVING YONAH ALONE FOR THOSE HOURS... THEN THE WORRY ABOUT BREAKING-DOWN... GETTING THE TRUCK BACK UP HERE, MORE REPAIR EXPENSES... AND BEING WITH-OUT... *** THE *** WORST OF *** ALL ***... NOT BEING WITH YONAH! - I have to go back to the loo... I'm REALLY "cleaning out" this morning. Maybe THIS is the "good" in all of this fuckerie. - AND... I have to catch-up with this Journal... THREE DAYS now! - 11.54 THE JOURNALS ARE CURRENT AGAIN AT LAST! JUST FINISHED YESTERDAY... - The sun is shining, the breeze is blowing in through Yonah's window. It's 28,2° in his room... but thankfully, it isn't as humid as threatened... yet. And the washing's on the line, I made fresh nectar for the hummies... THE FUCKING RODENTS ARE CLEANING THE FEEDER... AND THE INSTIGATING RACIST WAS VISITING AT THE DIP-SHITS McFUKNUTS' THIS MORNING! (Hey... even if it IS for a bit of spite... I can't wait to see the reaction when they learn... LOOK WHO'S RUNNING THE POST OFFICE! I'm pretty sure they're going too be watching their deliveries now... and pulling bull-shit... but I'm grateful... Kevin is VERY aware of the sentiments of this place and I tend to believe he'll be supportive... of me... so... ) - As I've been catching-up here this morning, all nicely showered and in clean clothes and such, I've been thinking about tomorrow... I'm NOT happy about the rains, but... I'm less anxious about the trip. THE BEST PART OF IT ALL IS LEARNING THE WAY TO QUEENSBURY AND GLENS FALLS... FOR THE VET... FOR YONAH! HE STILL HAS THAT "SPOT" ON HIS RIGHT WING AND... BEING BACK TO WORK, I'LL HAVE MONEY TO TAKE HIM TO THE VET! AND THE TRIP TOMORROW WILL BE LIKE THE "TRIAL RUN"... TO LEARN THE WAY. AND... I'M STILL TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHEN I NEED TO LEAVE... GGL SAYS IT'S 1hr44mins... BUT THAT'S AT ABOUT 65mph... I WON'T BE DOING THAT... TO BE SURE... PROBABLY MORE LIKE 55mph OR SO... SO... BUT AS I SAY... I'LL LEARN THE WAY TO THE VET! GOOD STUFF THERE... AND I SHOULD BE BACK BY... OH, I CAN'T THINK OF THAT... IF I LEAVE ALBANY BY 15.00... 17.00? 18.00? IT'S A WHOLE DAY AWAY FROM MY HEART-AND-SOUL! (NOT happy about this... but...) - OK... on with the day... it's suppose to be "lunch break" time. And I still have to figure "timing" for tomorrow AND getting gas in the truck (AND HOPING IT RUNS!) -
14.30 65$ FOR 13 GALLONS OF THE CHEAPEST STEWART'S GAS !!! AND THE TANK ISN'T "QUITE" FULL" !!!!! 65$... AND NOT QUITE FULL !!!!! 4,999/GALLON FOR THEIR SHIT! AND NOW? WELL... 4$ TO MY NAME. I'M CARRYING THE "LEGACY" CASH... 35$ FROM THE PEANUT-BUTTER JAR, WITH ME... IN CASE. BUT EVEN THAT'S NOT GOING TO DO MUCH GOOD... UNLESS I FIND SOMEPLACE IN COLONIE THAT'S CHEAPER THAN ... I DREAM... TOMORROW MORNING, I'M GOING TO RING TRAIL NO. TO ASK IF I COULD GET "OVER-DRAFT"... EVEN JUST FOR THE DAY. MY "SCORE" WENT UP 3 POINTS SOME-HOW... BUT... WE SHALL SEE... INDEED... WE SHALL SEE.
Mean-while, my "forwarding" and stopping e-mails from Deborah isn't only NOT working... it's DOUBLING THEM! FUCK ME! AND... SHE SENDS "Are you OK?" She's "sick, in bed, all morning. What am I supposed to do/say? -
Yonah's right wing is NOT looking good today... I HAVE to get him calm and check it... and my BLOODY-FUCKING EYES! JEEZUS KRISTE! - And his room is 29,9° and I'm sweating now... mostly nerves.
Chicken in the oven... salt, pepper, garlic, basil, lemon juice. Hmmm....? - 15.25 BIG MISTAKE... DEBORAH CALLED... I ANSWERED... I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE BUT I DID... AND... SHE INSISTED THAT I LET JULIO DRIVE, THEN SAID SHE'D STOP AND "LEAVE SOMETHING" (TO HELP WITH GAS). WHEN I ALMOST LOST IT AND SAID I COULD PHYSICALLY RIP THE HEART OUT OF A BIDEN... "IT'S NOT HIS FAULT"... OMG... "WE CAN'T HAVE THIS CONVERSATION RIGHT NOW, I HAVE FOOD PREPARING AND A BIRD WITH AND INJURY"... OMFG!!!!!!!
MEAN-WHILE.... I CAN'T FIND THE CAUSE OF THE "DAMAGE" ON YONAH'S WING! He won't be still enough for long enough... my eyes are for shit... especially now when I'm pissed-off with the world... I can FEEL "something" but it feels like a feather growing oddly. But no signs of parasites. Well? We get to work, I get the money, get the truck rolling and off to a VET!
*** AND... THIS is what I've been working on for most of the after-noon now...:
***********************************************************
11.00 plus 2hrs = 13.00
Colonie at 15.00 return at 17.00 MEAL TIME!
6 hours away.
*****************************************
113 miles
1hr 48 mins
@ 65mph
******************************************
@55mph
2,05hrs
2hrs. 3 minutes
Time=distance/speed
************************************
300mi/tank
/ 26 gallons
11,5 mi/gallon
226 mi. rt Albany
26 gallons for the trip!
EMPTY !!!!!!
FUMES BACK!
*************************************
NEED 16 GALLONS
X 5$/GAL
80$
****************************************
And lookie here... FUKME! 15.33... the day is GONE already! I'm not ready for this! I'm just not. But, as I've said and said to Deborah: I've been through this and worse... (Honestly... it's the time away from Yonah that HURTS.) - Tomorrow morning, I'll call the CU about getting OD for the day... We shall see... we shall... But I must be on the road by 11.00 at the very latest... I don't want to leave Yonah anyway, but... Hey! MORE FOOD! MEDICAL! More stuff for him... AND... Winter's coming... WARMTH! My little Heart-and-Soul! - 20.29 Well... the day is done and here we go... and my stomach is whirling and my anxiety level is ROARING! The filling in the upper right tooth is coming out... and I want a shower before RACK tonight. Coffee is in the press already... to "steep" over-night... for the road tomorrow... I AM NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS AT ALL! BUT... the forecast has changed... CHANGED... "Rain in the morning"... ending by about 13.00 and clear for the evening! That's the Albany forecast, SO, if I make the timing right, I should drive out of what-ever rain we have here... then, hopefully, miss what-ever they have there! I'm just concerned about the muffler... that's really all. - AND... with the calcs done... I might just be on the road by 10.30... though leaving Yonah is KILLING ME! And I'll just roll along. If I get there early... so be it. Better "early" than late... NOT, mind, that I expect those douches to pop me in any earlier. And having good weather on the way back... well... the most difficult part will be "taking it easy" because I'll be SO anxious to get back to MY HEART-AND-SOUL! - But right now... I want to get Journals posted so I can get a shower, fill this tooth and TRY for SOME kind of "rest" tonight... I've a feeling this night is going to be absolute HELL! - But Yonah got some sun-shine this evening. The chicken was OK... with the "lemon-basil"... not my best but... - It's supposed to rain tonight... 20° for the LOW! But 25 for tomorrow's high... I'm soaking with sweat so... - 22.06 showered and tooth filled and it's HOT AND HUMID...Fuck... Off to the rack. HERE WE GOOOoooo....!

Mon.27.Jun: 5.36 Coffee's pressed... Window fan in bed-room reading... 80F! This morning, at 2.00, it read 81F! I know this because that's about when I finally drifted off to what-ever... "Sleep"? OK... we'll call it that.. ALL NIGHT, I laid on the rack, sweating, hot... the fan was running and I had to turn it off because the sound bothered me. And I couldn't be sure I'd hear Yonah, if need be. HOT and HUMID ALL NIGHT.... and there I laid... not thinking about the trip today... just couldn't get to sleep. AND... I'd read a bit, until, perhaps 22.30 and was so tired, turned the light off, laid a-top the blankets and was, for the most, comfortable... until the sweating started which came because I realised it was later and I wasn't sleeping. Ah... then... round about mid-night... CONTRACTION!!! LEFT FUCK FOOT AGAIN! And I tried to lay there and "shake it away". OK... I just needed to "stand it off", still, got back on the rack, tried to get comfortable... it was still painful for a while. And so... another night before another bit of shit with the USPS. What is it about this fucking place? They really are nothing but annoyance after annoyance, inconvenience after inconvenience... Well? I did say I'd take the job out of a little bit of "spite" so I suppose this is my little bit of spit-in-the-eye for that. Still... OH... AND YES... IT IS RAINING OUT THERE. TAH-DAH! - 5.57 THE MÉTÉO HAS CHANGED... AND APPARENTLY, THE RAINS WILL BE LETTING-UP ROUND ABOUT THE HOUR I INTEND TO DEPART. AND, I SHOULD DRIVE OUT OF IT UP HERE AND HIT CLEAR SOME-WHERE IN THE MOUNTAINS! Isn't that just lovely? "SHOULD"... and we all know what THAT word means. Meanwhile, my chest is tightening... of course. It really is only the one spot... the High Peaks, that bothers me. The truck doesn't like "climbing" and we have to do that twice... It's only the "High Peaks"... Once I clear those... and yes... then there's Central Ave. But other-wise... This is ALL "anticipatory anxiety"... the bane of my existence. - 7.35 Yonah is up... and I've even posted this morning's account to his Journal! Not sure why... I just feel I MUST. He's in an energetic sort this morning, full of chatting and such. Meanwhile, I'm approaching... what-ever it is because my chest and throat are tightening... my head is beginning to "drift toward the ceiling" and for a moment, I felt the urge to vomit! STUPID! Really... This trip is about the same as the old days... between Nbg and Alb... a trip I made quite regularly, back and forth. The ONLY difference today is that it's in the opposite directions! AND... UN-like the "old days"... the Northway above Alb isn't as "remote" as it was... it's not as if I could be stranded "out there" alone, for any length of time. I'm honestly making more of this than need be. But... AND... the rains just stopped! SO... now it's a simple matter of the truck starting (to begin with) and rolling to... AND FROM... All else is... well... it just is. AND it's stupid, really, how I worry so... Even yesterday I had to "look up" the way to figure time and distance... This morning, standing on the front porch, it just floated into my head:
If 113 miles takes 1hr48mins at 65mph... How long will it take at 55mph?
Dumb-arse... 2x55mph=110mi... 2 hours!
There we have it. AND I'm sitting here, sick as Hell... still... and in the time between now and departure... the post office has to be open... and when it closes, I should be on the road. So? (I want a snooze now.) - I have to post this to the server though.... to be "current... on-line... in case.... - 16.14 (I forgot, with all the commotion and fuckerie of the day, that I'd actually managed to get something jotted this morning... that's how it been today thanks to all the bull-shit and arse-buggering of the USPS! And I'm no happier right now with them than I've ever been... But and so...)
OK... So... at about 9.30 this morning, I was planning on leaving here in the truck, and rolling along, through the Adirondacks at about 55mph, watching the blood dash for the "Check Engine" light and listening for the muffler to drop off. I was still in scrubs and Hoovering when I heard Deborah at the front door YELLING "JUDE!". Thankfully, I'd done the Hoovering and when I got to the door, she was alone, had driven the "Wrangler" and was en route to "Nancy's". Honestly! She was obviously NOT feeling well but she HAD to get to Nancy's. Anyway, she handed me an envelope and a little bag of corn-bread... "for the road". Asked me again, if I wouldn't reconsider letting Julio drive me to Albany and I just said that I had to do what I had to do... She said that she'd be back at her place by about 10.30 and that would leave plenty of time to get there on time... in case I changed my mind. At that moment, I was determined to make a go of it, no matter what...
I did manage to give her the spare key to this shit-box though... there was that. And she said "In case somebody has to look-in on Yonah. I understand." Oh, but if she DID understand... if ANYBODY could!
She left and I noticed the Kevin was running the PO this morning! We chatted. He said that Crystal was on vacation and that he'd had to pull a clerk from... I think he said Saranac Lake to cover the Liztoon office! Talk about bull-shit! AND he said that there was a good chance that the NR PO wouldn't open at all on Wednesday. I jokingly said that if his truck arrived by about 6.00, I could come in, sort out NR PO mail, get back here by about 6.30, case and all would be well... mail would be delivered. He said "I want to show them that this office isn't sustainable the way it's running now." I couldn't argue with him on the point. Besides, I'm the only one in the running to run the dump and so... it's "my job"... not that I really am so comfortable about taking it any more with all this running to bloody Albany. What slightly surprised me was that he didn't mention my trip to Albany... THIS MORNING! Anyway... I let him be and got back to my own business of getting ready for the trip.
When I got into the house and opened the envelope... 200$ and her Mobil gas card with a note telling me where they get gas on the Northway. In a lovely card... of CentralPark! Now! I was upset. MORE MONEY! Well... I was determined NOT to spend it no matter what and giving it back to her directly as soon as I possibly could... after the trip and all... SO.... I spent...
ALL MORNING... SO SICK... MOST BECAUSE OF LEAVING YONAH ALONE FOR ALL THESE HOURS. I GOT TO THINKING... IF I DO THIS MY WAY... A 2-HOUR DRIVE WILL BE LONGER... AND LETS SAY IT TAKES ME 3 HOURS EACH WAY... AND AN HOUR THERE... 7 HOURS TOTAL AND I WON'T BE BACK UNTIL ABOUT 17.00 THIS EVENING! BUT... IF JULIO CAN MAKE THE TRIP IN 2 HOURS, IT'S ALL OF ABOUT 5 HOURS... 2 HOURS LESS BEING AWAY... I WAS BEING STUPID AND DEBORAH WAS CERTAINLY MAKING IT CLEAR THAT THE OFFER STILL STOOD.
So... I took my shower, thinking more about it and when done, decided to call and see if the offer was with-drawn. After all, they were supposed to go pick-up a new car this morning, after 10.30.
I was out of the shower by about 10.30 and rang the house... Julio answered. I asked him if he REALLY wanted to make such a trip and he said that he needed to talk with Deborah about it because of getting the car. Fair enough... and me... I got ready... coffee and banana in a bag, heart breaking over leaving Yonah and the terror of breaking-down over 100 miles away! I headed out the back door, numb and blind...
Well! I'd only JUST started the truck when I saw Deborah come rolling in in front of the PO. It was, already about 10.40 or so... So I strolled up to her, leaving the truck running and told her what I'd figured about the timing... she just said "Get in the car." She called her house and spoke with Julio as I went back to turn the truck off and into the car I got. I offered the envelope back and she said to hold it. They were going away for a week and I might be sent someplace else. She wasn't any more happy than I was but she's just that much sweeter than I am.
We got to her house, Julio was walking Rosie... We went in... Julio needed to eat and "toilet" before leaving but he seemed quite OK with the whole notion. I don't know HOW... but those two are an "odd" sort... VERY "almost 60s calm" about everything! Well... I'm not sure what time, exactly, that we left, but out to the road and onto the Northway and away we rolled...
Now, Deborah said that the only thing I'd have to "tolerate" is Julio's rock music and him not talking... He never put the music on and we talked ALL THE WAY down to Colonie!
AND... I HAVE TO SAY THAT THOSE "MOUNTAINS" AND "HILLS" THAT I HAD IN MY HEAD? I DON'T KNOW WHERE THEY WENT BUT... THE DRIVE BETWEEN NR AND COLONIE WASN'T AT ALL AS STEEP AS IT WAS IN MY HEAD! AND... "HIGH PEAKS" REST AREA? IT'S MOMENTS AWAY... I'M JUST NOT USED TO BE "HERE"... I'VE NOT DRIVEN SOUTH ON THE NORTHWAY FROM HERE SO...
WE WERE AT THE "GMF" BY 13.00 !!! AND THEN CAME THE USPS FUCKERIE...
SURE, I WAS 45 MINUTES EARLY, BUT THERE WAS NO ADMISSION TO THE BUILDING FOR ME UNTIL MY APPOINTMENT... AND THE GUY WHO DOES THE PRINTS WOULDN'T BE BACK FROM LUNCH UNTIL 13.30! SO I HAD TO WAIT... JULIO WAS OK WITH THAT AND WE CHATTED IN THE PARKING LONG FOR THE 20 MINUTES OR SO... AT 13.30, I WENT BACK IN, PUSHED THE "HR BUTTON" AND WAITED... THE GUY I'D SPOKEN WITH ON THE PHONE CAME TO THE GATE... "MAY I HELP YOU?" I TOLD HIM OF MY APPOINTMENT, HE LET ME IN, ASKED FOR ID AND OFF WE WENT... TO A FUCKING SUPPLY ROOM WITH A LAP-TOP AND A FINGER-PRINT SCANNER... OK... SO I DID THE "PRINTS" AND HE HAD THE FUCKING NUTS TO TELL ME THAT THAT WAS ALL I'D COME ALL THAT WAY FOR! NO PHOTO... NOTHING ELSE... 5 MINUTES. SO I TOLD HIM THAT IT REALLY TOLD ME WHY THE USPS CAN'T HIRE ANYBODY... I'D COME 113 MILES FOR THIS. HE SEEMED TO FINALLY UNDERSTAND THE INCONVENIENCE FOR PEOPLE FROM PLATTSBURGH... AND AS I TOLD JULIO, ON THE TRIP BACK... EVEN PEOPLE FROM CHAMPLAIN HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS! WELL? THAT'S THE FIRST STEP... I ASKED THE LITTLE DOLT WHY THEY COULDN'T USE MY OLD PRINTS... THEY ONLY HOLD THEM FOR 90 DAYS... AND THE OLD PRINTS ON CARDS? GONE. SO I ASKED HOW LONG UNTIL I GET WORD ON THESE... "I COULD TAKE 2 WEEKS... IT COULD TAKE 6. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY DO WITH THEM BUT THEY'LL CALL YOU." *THEY*. YOU KNOW... FUCK "THEY" AND "THEM" AND WERE IT NOT FOR THE FACT THAT JULIO AND DEBORAH WENT SO FAR OUT OF THEIR WAY FOR ME FOR THIS... CHANCES ARE, I'D'VE SIMPLY JUST DROPPED THE ENTIRE FARCE AT THAT POINT... IN FACT... RIGHT NOW, I'D HAVE TO HONESTLY SAY THAT THE ONLY REASON I'M GOING THROUGH WITH THIS IS BECAUSE OF THEIR SUPPORT... OTHER-WISE... I'D LET THE BLOODY USPS STUFF THEIR POMPOSITY AND BULL-SHIT-FUCKERIE! THEY TRULY DON'T DESERVE ANYBODY WITH ANY COMPETENCE. CERTAINLY NOT MINE... AND MY EXPERIENCE AND DEDICATION! FUCK!
Well? The drive back up seemed to pass so quickly... Going down Julio made a stop at Glens Falls... coming back, gas in Colonie... other than that... I was back in the shit-box by 15.40! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!
One "good" point of the matter... I DO believe I CAN make the drive in the truck... So... if/when the Fuktardz send me BACK to Colonie... photo, oath and bull-shit-for-breakfast... I CAN just drive there and back... NO staying over... (and I'll feel better about it after the inspection of the truck and I'm pretty sure I'll get that before they pull their fuckeries).
I DO have to MUST say... WOW! COLONIE IS SO BUILT-UP ALL ALONG THAT STRETCH! Sure, we were on the West side of the Northway, but the last time I saw that stretch it was almost quite empty! Now? There isn't a bit of empty space left! Nothing "huge" but ALL built! But the BEST part of the trip: NO ALBANY! HOW WONDERFUL! I've a feeling I'd've been in a MUCH more DOUR mood, had we had to go INTO Albany. AND, it put my mind at rest... it's NOT a "horrible" trip. Yes... I CAN make it... in the truck... I should believe.
BUT THE VERY BEST PART? GETTING BACK TO MY LITTLE HEART-AND-SOUL EARLIER! And HE WAS SO HAPPY TO SEE ME BACK! WHEN I GOT IN, HE WAS IN HIS NEST-BOX. HE MUST HAVE BEEN SNOOZING BECAUSE HE DIDN'T NOTICE ME COMING INTO THE ROOM. BUT AS SOON AS I SPOKE, HE WAS UP AND WE WERE ALL "KISSIE-KISSIE"! I WAS BACK! OH! I WAS BACK... WE WERE TOGETHER AGAIN! AND HE WAS ON MY SHOULDER AND ALL WAS WELL AND FINE AGAIN! KRISTE! I MISS HIM SO MUCH WHEN WE'RE APART! (That's the ONE GOOD thing about this "job"... Only 2 hours in the morning... and I'm right here. Not that I can pop in to see him, but at least I can see the house! And KNOW that things are OK. AND... I'll have a bit more money... for a vet, food, provisions... and maybe some kind of good "aviary" for him in the yard... for fresh air, sunny days and Yardies!)
*** OF A NOTE... Ms. QUNTIE HAS Mr. McFUKNUT MOWING HER LITTLE PATCH OF YARD FOR HER! I HEARD THE MOWER AND LOOKED OUT AND THERE HE WAS, MOWING... AND SHE, OF COURSE, SITTING ON HER FAT ARSE, OVER-SEEING. WELL? ASIDE FROM WAITING TO HEAR ABOUT HOW I'M IRRESPONSIBLE ABOUT MOWING.... FUCK THEM... I HAVE TO LAUGH. SHE'S GOING TO EXPECT HIM TO DO THAT FOR HER FROM NOW ON... OR... AT LEAST... SOMETHING. GOOD... REALLY... THEY'RE MADE FOR ONE-ANOTHER... DIM & DUMBER. FUKKEM... BOTH... WITH WHAT-EVER... IMBECILES. - Meanwhile... meal on the hob! Imagine? MEAL ON THE HOB! And I'd been thinking I wouldn't be back for at least another HOUR! I just can't describe how HAPPY I AM TO BE BACK! THIS FIASCO IS DONE! - 20.22 Sadly, after our evening meal TOGETHER, there was plenty of sun-shine but the WIND was just too much. I couldn't figure a place to put Yonah's little house out in the yard where he wouldn't be "battered" by it. I mean, that "cage" is so small (now.. compared to his "house" AND the fact that he has FOUR ROOMS to fly about in), and to have him "trapped in a wind-storm" would have been cruel. So I set my sights on tomorrow... with some hope. - THEN... his fountain wasn't flowing properly again when it was time for water relay this evening so I thought I'd "fixed" it only to find... IT FLOWED ALL OVER THE PLACE! INTO THE TRAY WITH THE POOL, THE FRONT TRAY, AND EVEN DOWN ONTO THE MAIN TRAY! I HAD TO PULL HIS HOUSE APART... ALL THE TRAYS OUT, WITH THE POOL TOO... AND REPLACE ALL THE KITCHEN ROLL! AT 19.30! POOR LITTLE GUY! AFTER A DAY OF BEING ALONE AND THEN THIS... JUST AT THE HOUR WE USUALLY SETTLE-OWN FOR THE NIGHT! I did manage to get things together in quick time... and by 20.06 he was tucked-in... But I felt like SHIT... disturbing him that way. Tomorrow, I'll have to work on the fountain again. But at least his house is clean and dry for tonight. - Mean-while, my mouth is SORE tonight and I don't know why. My gums, tongue... it feels as though I've bitten the side of my tongue... perhaps it's the sharp "points" of all the broken teeth. But I don't know why, tonight, suddenly... it really is quite painful. - AND MY CHEST KEEP "SEIZING". THAT'S THE ONLY WAY I CAN DESCRIBE IT. I HAVE TO WONDER IF IT ISN'T THE SAME SHIT AS HAPPENS TO MY LEGS AT NIGHT. IT'S REALLY, REALLY PAINFUL TONIGHT! I LIVE WITH IT ALL DAY... AND IT'S BECOME ALMOST "NORMAL" FOR ME NOW, BUT TONIGHT, IT'S BEEN WORSE. THE DAY'S ANXIETIES? WHO KNOWS? AND, FROM THE RESPONSES OF THE "DOCTOR"... WHO CARES? I wonder what the "echo" will show... I don't dare to think. And just as I'm about to go back to work. Well... at least this office is slow... I hope. - I'm SO BLOODY TIRED TONIGHT TOO! No wonder there. WHAT a fucking DAY! I'm not used to THIS much stress any more... well... any more or less than what's become "regular". THIS is NOT what I expected to "come back" to. FUCK! - Tomorrow's forecast says it should be "nice" so... - Deborah and Julio are supposed to pick-up their "new car" at about 10.30... That must be so nice... the muffler goes and they buy a new car. Oh well... I just keep thinking: You know what's wrong with what you have... even brand new off the truck and there's NO guarantee that nothing will be wrong with the damned thing... AND THEY'LL GET IT AND HEAD TO THE CITY! Never mind... Deborah says they'll be leaving after lunch and has asked if I would water her gardens every other day whilst they're away. I MIGHT BE ABLE TO BRING YONAH... FRESH AIR, SUN-SHINE, PEACE! THAT WOULD BE NICE. And the trip to Deborah's isn't a trip to Lake Placid! JEEZUS! That we did that! For nothing. I could still beat the breath out of somebody for that. - Anyway... Now we get to wait for more USPS bull-shit-fuckerie. The imbecile said 2-6 weeks... FUKTARDZ! - Tonight... I'm just too tired to deal with it... - Oh... Tomorrow... "Primary Voting"... Oh such fun! Fuck. As if this "voting" shit actually means anything, - 21.33 OFF TO THE RACK! THIS DAY IS A WRAP! OVER! DONE! ARCHIVED! AT LONG, LONG LAST! NOW... to see what HELL is waiting... in the night.

Tue.28.Jun: 13.22 I don't know WHAT in HELLZ name is going on with me but I've felt HORRIBLE ALL DAY! And I didn't get out of the bed until almost 7.00 this morning... and just as Yonah called. I don't know if he'd called before that, but that's when I heard him. Yes, I slept through lasnit ght, with only ONE trip to the loo at about 5.00 and a minor "contraction" of the left foot. Light went out at about 22.00 last night too. I was exhausted! But ALL day thus far, my chest is "heavy" and "strapped" and that "tightness" in the throat, and FATIGUE! It's SHITTY! And this morning, saw Deborah who said she wasn't sure if they'd be able to get to The City today because she's feeling so sickly. WHAT is going on now? She's sick, I'm sick. It isn't the heat because it's delightful... though not sunny. (And this lap-top is REALLY FUCKED-UP... I just misspellt "delightful" and it suggested "middleweight" and nothing else. WOW! What a fucking day!) - And this morning, Yonah had tossed his nest box into his pool and I tried to get the fountain working properly and that took all morning. My brain just doesn't want to function! I don't know WHY! - Kevin was at the PO again, this morning. I wonder if it'll be open tomorrow. Well... if nothing else, if it closes, it stresses the need for somebody to cover it or to simply close it down. I wonder if "working" will help with my general health or make it worse. - AND that pain in the LEFT NUT AND SIDE... AGAIN, THIS MORNING, WAS ALMOST DEBILITATING. NOT TO MENTION, WHEN I GOT OUT OF THE RACK THIS MORNING, BOTH LEGS WERE ALMOST "DEAD" FROM THE KNEE-DOWN. - Oh well... there we have it. - Right now... I'm TWO days behind in Journals again... and I'm waiting to see if the truck will start... I have to "vote" AND have to get the garbage to the dump! (And only one sticker! Jolly bull-shit.) - Deborah says they're getting ready to leave to The City... "new car" too... I don't know how they can trust it. If anything, they've only JUST gotten it this morning, and I don't know where or how... it's a matter of driving off the lot and heading 100s of miles away. Oh well... - I just wish I could kick this shit that I have... The echo might give more info. I'm beginning to wonder what's not showing or what's being hidden or what's not being said. This just can't be "only old age"... - 16.11 VOTED... Astnro... out of FOUR... and all, I should imagine, are bloody liars anyway... BUT... TWO BAGS OF GARBAGE AND THE PRINTER... GONE AT LAST! Quick market... almost nothing... over 50$! ONE TIN of lentils is almost 4$! Took just under TWO FUCKING HOURS ! A BLOODY TRIP TO ALBANY! WHAT THE FUCK?
BUT THE BEST PART OF IT ALL... I PULLED THE TRUCK IN AT THE GARAGE AND AS I STEPPED OUT I HEARD, IN THE DISTANCE... "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo"... AND... FROM THE HOUSE... "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo"! YONAH WAS CHATTING WITH ANOTHER MOURNING DOVE! I CAN RECOGNISE HIS VOICE !!! AND THEY CALLED BACK AND FORTH A FEW TIMES AS I STOOD THERE, IN THE DRIVE, SMILING WITH ALL MY HEART. BUT THEN... I CAME ROUND TO THE SIDE OF THE HOUSE, AND, LEANING ON THE "SHED ROOF" I CALLED INTO YONAH'S ROOM "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo"... AND HE ANSWERED "woo-HOO!" THRICE! HE RECOGNISES MY VOICE TOO! A HEART COULDN'T BE MORE FULL OF LIGHT, A SOUL COULDN'T BE BRIGHTER! A PERSON COULDN'T BE ANY CLOSER TO ACTUAL * HEAVEN * !!!!! "LIFE"... SO PERFECT... !!!!! AND WHEN I STEPPED IN THE FRONT DOOR, I CALLED "Where's my Woo-Hoo?" AND, FROM ACROSS THE HOUSE CAME... "woo-HOO!" YEAH... WE'RE A "UNIT", AND "ENTITY"... ONE COMPRISED OF TWO... NO GREATER BLESSING, PRIVILEGE, HONOUR !!!!!
So... I made it... to the dump, the polls, the market... and back! - Now... waiting to see/hear from Deborah and Julio... - Veggies are on the hob... I broke-down and got some "breaded pollock" bits... will have three, just to change from chicken... of which there is MUCH in the fridge but... - Feeling? "Tight"... in the chest. But happy all the running shit is done! AT LAST! - 16.29 TOO BLOODY FUNNY! Ms. QUNITE'S GOT McFUKNUT OUT THERE WITH AN ELECTRIC WEED-WHACKER NOW! GOT HIM TO MOW "HER" LITTLE PATCH (as it were, though I wouldn't be surprised if... never mind... I'm making me sick) AND NOW... THE TRIM! HOW I AWAIT THE COMMENTS FROM... (more incentive to get to running the PO... I SO anticipate an up-roar... LOL) - 20.28 ALL of what-ever I have to say here is already on Yonah's Journal for the day so... I KNOW I'm already behind but it's late and I want to get to the rack! My left nut is bothering me. I have the "brace" on and it's helping a bit. (Yep... hernia... figures... and I'm going back to work! DAMIT! NO SURGERY for me! To be sure... they'll have to come up with something else... a truss of some kind or something. I'm NOT letting this job pass!) - I'm tired... - Deborah made it. All's well... - So now... ice cream (BOGO DAMIT! I didn't know! Will have to go back!) Brit, rack. - Oh... got the wrong pudding for the pie... this one is "cook"... I didn't... won't. will see what it does... I was in a snit at the market, remembered it as I was queued. FUCK. - 21.57 Later again, than what I wanted, but... at least it isn't 22.57? Fuck me! Now... for the MISERY that awaits... on the rack. How wonderful to end a day with that thought... wanting, so much, for a restful night's sleep, to wake refreshed the next morning, and almost FEARING going to bed... EVERY FUCKING NIGHT!

Wed.29.Jun: 17.53 Evening meal is done... the dishes in the rack. I've only JUST managed to catch-up again with all jut Journalling. Thankfully, this wasn't a day when I had anything, really, that I wanted to do... And last night? Well... the light wet out at about 22.30-40 and I was OUT. Gee... I wonder why. FUCK THESE PAST COUPLE OF DAYS! It's just really ANXIETY! And PAIN... Pain that I don't understand and that NOBODY who COULD, WILL look into it. I need to get something together to get to somebody who'll give at least a quarter of a shit! - This morning was another one of those days when I just didn't want to get out of bed and so, after the alarms, I went back into that "half-doze"... and the hypnagogic mess of thoughts when... "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo"! My little Heart-and-Soul was up! So... I almost all but bounced up and out of the rack and headed directly to him! Got his curtains and blinds open, set-up for the water relay and then put the kettle on... as I was doing water relay, made coffee and the day was on a roll! "WooHoo" indeed! - THEN, as I was almost settling down for the morning, I saw the Avery propane truck pass and thought they'd delivered... COMPLETELY FORGETTING THAT THEY'D ALREADY DELIVERED FOR THE MONTH! So... I gave it a few minutes and stepped out to check the "receipt bag"... Thankfully it was empty. (Of course it was... my mind is some-where else now... and it's rather frightening.) - SADLY, Ms. Quntie was on it's gallery... And it said "Hello" so... I said "Good morning"... and we were off on a tangent. - MEANWHILE... the PO was still closed and it was already well after 10.30! Hmmm.... That one next door is a piece of work... telling me how things work with the PO employment process... "They get finger-prints and photo at the same time..." That's one large sack of bull-shit there, that one is. Anyway... AS WE'RE "CONVERSING", McFuknut comes over to announce that IT got a TICK... "probably from your tall grass there" (I'm supposing that was supposed to be some sort of intro to an argument but that never happened because Quntie went into a diatribe about one of it's relations and ticks.) - THEN... AT ABOUT 10.45... KEVIN DRIVES UP TO BOX THE MAIL! I mentioned that "that's the post master"... Quntie has NO understanding of how the system works and says "So we have a new one... a man?" (Oh wait! I'm actually looking even MORE forward to getting this job now... she didn't sound too happy about a "Post MASTER"... over a "Mistress". Fukkem!) - Anyway... McFuknut left. (OH, and I did see Mr. and Mrs. leaving in her car last evening... come to find out... they were off to the ER to have the tick removed. WHAT A FUCKING COUPLE OF IDIOTS... CAN'T REMOVE TICKS... BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM. JEEZUS!) - SO... I managed to have the briefest chat with Kevin and I said "MAYBE somebody will perform some kind of miracle and get all the particulars done quickly and you'll never have to see this office again." and I was snarky. Kevin, who was NOT, smiled brilliantly, pointed at me and said "That's what we're hoping for." and that was that. SO... we shall see what's to come... I'm still concerned about them wanting me to go to Albany for some happy shit on the day I need to be in Plattsburgh for the echo... It would be my Fate... to be sure. - And so... when all finally settled and I got back to Yonah... an e-mail from Deborah... with a photo of the street in front of her MD's office. Maybe 7 people passing on 58th street and she commented "So may people"... Imagine. Her daughter got her a car service to get to the office... Nothing mentioned about coming back though... I imagine Julio or a cab. I KNOW neither of them are fit for public transport... of ANY sort. But I'm glad they made it back safely. - The nice, sunny, low-humidity day turned completely cloudy this after-noon... no sun-shine sitting for Yonah! DAMNIT! But if I go to water Deborah's gardens tomorrow, I'm thinking of bringing him with... not sure where he'll be when he get there, but we'll find some-place... to be sure... - Managed to get in TWO 30-minute naps today too! AND FOR BOTH OF THEM, YONAH HAS NOW TAKEN COMFORT IN STANDING ON MY HEAD AS I LAY ON THE PILLOW... AND HE'S BEEN SO LOVEY TODAY... AND I HAVE TO FIND OUT WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIS WING! THERE'S NO SIGN OF ABRASION, BUT THERE SEEMS TO BE A BIT OF A "LUMP" AT THE "ELBOW"... ANOTHER REASON TO GET THIS JOB... A TRIP TO A VET! TO BE SURE! Am thinking of putting some "Betadine" on it... was going to go to Kinney today but thought I'd wait before getting into anything of that sort... The "Certificate" book came in VERY handy today! Betadine is safe on birds! So... I shall see what's to come. It might be a good thing to have in the house anyway... - Other-wise... a day of trying to catch-up AGAIN... with Journals... but at least it's with my Little Heart-and-Soul! YAY! NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT AND EVERYTHING GOOD ABOUT IT. - 19.21 STILL doing the catch-up for today when... for some WONDERFUL reason, I was checking the calendar for something and happened to see this month's reminder to put the rent cheque out AND REMEMBERED... THE RENT FOR JULY HAD TO GO INTO THE BOX TONIGHT FOR POST-MARK OF JUNE !!! I HADN'T WRITTEN THE CHEQUE, ENVELOPE, NOTHING! SO IN A PANIC, I PULLED THE CHEQUES OUT, ENVELOPES, STAMPS, WROTE THE CHEQUE, PUT IT INTO THE ENVELOPE AND INTO THE BLUE BOX! NOW, I'M BEGINNING TO WORRY... HOW IN FUX NAME COULD I FORGET THE FUCKING RENT? WHAT'S GOING ON IN MY HEAD? THE STRESS OF THE PO? WHAT? ANYWAY... I PUT IT ON THE SPREAD-SHEET AND IN THE BOOK... THAT'S DONE... NOW, I HOPE THE SOC.SEC. COMES ON FRIDAY! WHY? BECAUSE I HAVE THE REGISTRATION TO PAY NEXT! THEN THE INSPECTION I HOPE TO PASS... AND ON WHEN-EVER, I'LL DEAL WITH NYSEG. AS IT STANDS... 5 WEEKS AHEAD AT 14$/WEEK... OH, TO HOLD OFF/ON UNTIL AUGUST! I DON'T KNOW... I JUST DON'T KNOW... FUN? ON THAT 14$... I HAVE A TRIP TO PLATTSBURGH TOO! LET'S SEE IF THERE'S TRIPS TO ALBANY AS WELL... FUCK ME! - 19.51 JUST almost done with the Journals... time for Yonah's tuck-in... WHERE THE FUCK DID THE DAY GO? - 20.28 JOURNALS ARE CURRENT! My Heart-and-Soul is tucked-in for the night! The rains were brief... useless, really. And the sky cleared just enough to show the sun dropping behind the mountains. - The rent is in the post. Bills to follow. But for now... I'm off to ice cream and then the rack... I wish I knew why I just can't seem to get a civil, restful night's sleep! Maybe getting back to work will help... After all... "retirement" NEVER seemed to do anybody who wants to work, be productive, any good...as far as I recall. And maybe the job will help with the rest of what's wrong with me... One way to find out... Meanwhile, it's the "dates" and "dead-lines" that gnaw at me. Conflicts and the inconsideration of the USPS. I'm thinking they're making it impossible because they'd just rather shut the office down and if nobody takes the 100% responsibility, there's their excuse. Oh well... as I was thinking: they wanted to close Walker Valley and put everybody on the Pine Bush route... to close Cragsmoor and put everybody into Ellenville... close Sheldon Creek and put everybody into Enosburgh... and those offices are still open... I just wonder if New Russia will be just spiteful enough to succeed in closing this office... out of hate for me. We shall see... indeed. - POST TIME TO THE SERVERS! THERE'S *DAYS* TO POST TONIGHT! - 20.44 CAUGHT-UP AGAIN AT LAST... AND TOMORROW... JUNE IS OVER ALREADY! FUCK! - 21.47 TO THE RACK! - Had another "EPISODE" earlier. It's been a while... but there it was... about a minute or so. I wonder what THAT'S all about. Well... what-ever... off to the rack for a night of...

Thu.30.Jun: 9.30 I just can't... the last day of June already? Half the year is shot to shit already. And, with morning temperatures still at 10°, we're heading into the miserably Hellish days of July and August... or not... The world is SO fucked-up any more. And I'll say as I say: were it not for Yonah... But we're here together and that's how it's going to be, until it isn't. - And I believe I managed to sleep through last night. I remember only one quick loo toddle at some time round 1.-something. The light went out at about 22.30 or so and I don't remember laying there for long before finally drifting off and away. BUT... IT WAS AN EFFORT TO GET OUT OF THE BED THIS MORNING... AFTER STOPPING THE THREE ALARMS... It was something rather close to 6.00 when I finally got up, put the kettle on and I believe it was 5.56 when Yonah called. What bothers me is that, even with what appears to be a "full night of sleep", I get up in the morning feeling as though I hadn't even napped all night! Heavy... in head and chest, just dragging about, almost resentful of being awake. - But... here we are, here I am... and I managed to darn a sock, repair a t-shirt, wash both. There's nothing REALLY PRESSING (appointments and that sort of shit) on the agenda. I ought to get, at some point, to "the farm" to water "the gardens"... No "real rain" last night... and none in the forecast for today. - The Village Idiots where out there at 6.30 mowing across the Hill... I wonder what the villagers would say if I were to try that shit at that hour of the day. Not, mind, that I give a shit. -
(Catch-up again on Fri.01.Jul:15.46)
And Crystal is back this morning... She tells that Corina's "check" took a month... so... let's HOPE these fux don't pull shit at month end... when I have my medical... The way she described it was "Don't get discouraged if it all goes dark for a while." As I say, I'm expecting something to come up so that it comes to deciding and choosing between the echo or the job... and I'm really not sure which one will win at this point. But... we shall see... how things get fucked. - Rang Richie this morning at about 13.30 to make the appointment for the inspection on the truck (whilst things are "OK"... for now). When I asked for an appointment next week some time, his IMMEDIATE response was "It's not gonna pass inspection." I almost vomited! When I asked why not, he said, "Don't I have you down for work next week?" He'd forgotten he'd done the brakes! OK... So he asked if "the light" is on and I said "Not yet, that's why I want to get the inspection done soon." So... Wed. 11.00. PLEASE THAT THE FUCKING TRUCK HOLDS OUT! I'm just nervous about all that "ethanol" in the gas... not to mention, the "cement" holding the muffler together... and whether or not there's another hole in it some-where where I can't see it (unless I literally crawl up under there.) Another bit of "pressure"... on me and the chest and... - This after-noon, I made a RUN to market, primarily for ice cream, and grabbed 2 more pie crusts, more milk, the CORRECT filling and 2 tins of beets... Not that I "want", but I DO "want" to see if a little beets won't help with my fatigue and such. Tomorrow's cooking... tomorrow's meal. - Got an e-mail from Deborah too. She's fine, after the MD's appointment and will be "entertaining" on the week-end. She says it'll be "quiet" in The City... HAH! "Film at 11" no doubt. She mentioned that some "cranberry" that she gets locally at about 3$ is 6$ in The City and "can't believe the prices". WHAT? Oh well... No matter what the two of them say... they're really not "city" people... try though they might. At least she's up and about after the MD. - HAD to chat TWICE with Quntie today too... This morning when I went out to work (AGAIN) on the kitchen garden to keep the rodents out... just "light" chat... because, well, I keep thinking "She's got the mental capacity of a 6-year old" so I talk to her accordingly. And this evening again because I got "caught" out there again, working on the garden. She's a mess... and I'm tired of this/her. She mentioned something about a stabbing and shooting at Stewart's in Saranac Lake... I looked it up... sure enough... guy walks in, goes to stab a clerk, police come in, shoot the guy dead. So... the bull-shit is making its way to the North Country now... AND.... - Oh... THERE'S A GUY IN A CAMPER IN "THE PARK" TONIGHT... FROM BC OF ALL PLACES. Came round to the front to tell me he'd be staying the night then asked me to come over to look at his Atlas and to tell him how to get across "this water here"... Champlain. AS I TRIED TO TELL HIM HOW... HE TELLS ME HE HAS "GPS" THAT WILL TELL HIM HOW TO GET TO WHERE-EVER! HONESTLY... "THEY'RE" ALL OVER THE FUCKING WORLD... ASK FOR HELP AND THEN GO RIGHT INTO TELL *ME* HOW TO WHAT-THE-FUCK-EVER. AND THIS ONE'S FROM VANCOUVER "ISLAND"... YEAH? "LEFT COAST" CANADA... MORE FUCKING LIBTARDS. THEN GETS INTO POLITICS AND TELLS *ME* WHAT'S WRONG ABOUT TRUMP AND OUR POLITICS... AS IF THAT OPINION IS WORTH ANYTHING HERE.. So it says it's going "to the Dodge dealer for an oil change" and will be on its way... Seems nice enough but I'm not so comfy with it being across the road through the night... especially knowing about the stabbing in Saranac Lake... YESTERDAY! - OH... mentioned the "BC" to Quntie... says she, she doesn't mind and if he comes knocking on her door in the night, maybe he'll appreciate some "company". Well then... Things go BANG and SCREAM in the night and I won't hear a thing... - And there's supposed to be some sort of "event" coming up there around Saranac Lake/Placid this Winter... Oh JOLLY! Fuck! - My chest tightens again... Another day... another day... - At least Journals are current... thus far. - 21.13 HOT! HUMID! TIRED! PAIN! and there we have it... end of day... END OF BLOODY MONTH! (THERE'S A LITTLE DOG... OR FOX PUP BARKING OUT THERE AGAIN TONIGHT... I WONDER WHAT IT IS... THIS IS THE SECOND TIME I'M HEARING IT... AT THIS HOUR.) - So anyway... I'm making notes... Yonah's Journal is current and I'm probably going to sleep in his room tonight... because of the guy across the Hill... I'm uncomfortable... and now... with the shooting in Saranac Lake... I'm getting a GUN! FUCK this shit! - *** Took the fence down from the kitchen garden this evening... the fucking rodents are STILL getting to the food! So I got pissed and put the jug trap up again... there's one in there... at 21.23... I'll let it out when it's dark... and let it try to find a way away... fucker. I'm pissed now! First gun... BB pistol... that's that for that. BUT I TOOK IT DOWN WHILST YONAH GOT ANOTHER EVENING OF SUN-SHINE! WHAT A DELIGHT TO DO A LITTLE WORK IN THE YARD WITH HIM THERE. - OH OH OH... AND WHEN I'D DONE WITH EVERY-THING AND YONAH WAS BACK IN, I STEPPED OUT FOR A MOMENT TO CHECK ON THE SITUATION IN THE GARDEN AND VIVIAN CAME ROUND ON THE DRIVE. "HI JUDE" SAYS SHE... AND ASKS HOW I AM. NOT SURE WHY, BUT I ASKED HOW SHE'S "FEELING THESE DAYS" AND SHE ANSWERED "MUCH BETTER. THANK YOU FOR ASKING." I didn't know she wasn't well... though she DID look rather "drawn" this evening. Hmmm... - ANYWAY.... Yonah's linens are on the line, washed for tomorrow. I doubt they'll actually dry over-night but at least they're clean and on the line. - And tomorrow? Well... I don't know... Friday... holiday... would be nice if the Soc.Sec. would post. Registration and bills paid... I might just put the 190 to NYSEG and then call them... I don't know yet. No matter... they'll have to wait... 15 days from the 9th or 30 days... what-ever... we shall see... fuckkem. And if I don't talk with them tomorrow... they'll have to wait until Tuesday... as if I have a shit to give. - Made another pie today... THIS one worked.- Meal? Because of being "nice" to the idiot in the park, I didn't get back in until almost 17.00 so... One chicken breast and a large glass of V8... pie after. Not in my best interest but better than nothing at all... I suppose. - Now... on to closing with ice cream and Brit... shower and a "snooze"... hopefully a "sleep"... on Yonah's futon. - 22.35 NO FUCKING SHOWER... AND TOMORROW MORNING... I'LL JUST WASH THE LINENS... It's the 01st anyway... time for that nonsense... Here's to a night... let's see if I get ANY rest... between the feet and legs and "concern" about the "stranger in town"... I've got the screen doors latched and BOTH doors locked tonight... TRUST NO ONE!