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Monday, 1 January 2018
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Mon.1.January.2018: 6.53 I woke this morning, of my own accord. Just in from a smoke. When I woke, the house was calm. Not so now. The morning “clunk” of the wood-stove and the chit-chat in the kitchen with Mimou, slamming of doors, letting Hallie out. But I managed to get the porch door open and the light on anyway, and had my smoke in peace. And… my body needs a good washing. I say no more on that matter. – A new day, new week, new month, new year. And I’ve got head-ache. Not from the Tea of last night so much as sleeping “wrong” and my teeth. I’m just grateful that the front ones are still in. That’s a regular relief. – Well? Since the stove is being attended, no need to go out of the room. And the room is “comfortably” warm this morning meaning the rest of the house is, most likely, chilled. Oh well. Nothing to do about that. – This morning’s “agenda” includes record-keeping for the year, and checking to see how people get their Soc.Sec. via PayPal. I’m not looking forward to that but if it works, at this point, I’ll try it. Should be interesting. And a bit of a diversion from the “reality” of being… still being… here. – Happy fucking bollocks. (Or, “new year”, if one prefers.) – 10.20 Well… when I went out to the kitchen at about 8.00 there stood Mme…. in a COAT! Thermostat set at 75F, thermometer reading, 50F. Out-side temperature: minus 10F. Welcome to the “New Year”. She later phoned McCuin who says they’ll charge for the service call. It’s been postponed to tomorrow. – Meanwhile, considering a “PayPal” account to transfer soc.sec. to CIBC? Reviewing their policies: Not promising. Pondering buying my own books on Selz to get the funds in to cover the phone bill. Pondering, at the moment. – The washer isn’t working. Possibly a frozen water line. I need a shower. Clothes need cleaning. Mme. to bring her clothes to wash at the job. Me? Oh well… hand wash in the kitchen… so it seems. No prob. I can do that (again). – And right now? I could use a nap! – 16.58 Well… the washer is out. The furnace is schwacked. But I just washed my jammies and pillow cases by hand in the kitchen sink. Mme. left at about 14.30. We’re on our own. I’ve had a Ramen noodles with the packet. It wasn’t quite enough, not quite what it takes to get rid of a hunger, but my stomach feels a bit better. The wash will be taking a while to dry in the dryer because it wasn’t spun. I suppose I could have put it through that cycle in the machine but… it’s in there and smelling “Fabuloso”. So that’s nice. – I’d put the “Maryrose” heater in the white room and it blew the power strip. So there’s no lights on the plants in there and no heater. Oh well. There’s the radiator under this work table here in the “little room” and it’s warm enough for me. – The sun’s setting later these days. What used to be dark at 16.30 is still “trace-light”. – And I’m tired. Shower tonight… when the jammies are dry. Perhaps an early night? That would be fine. Tomorrow I’ll wash my clothes. Of course, I probably should/could wait until Wednesday. But never mind. – Looked-up “Bat Oren” bath gel today. Almost ordered 2, but at almost 20$ each… with the postage and such, I couldn’t see my way clear. Maybe one day… maybe. And it would take until Thursday earliest. I mean, really, in this century, to take that long? Never mind that in this century I’m still in a house that’s cold, washer not working (the repair company told Mme. it’s because of a frozen water-line… I wouldn’t doubt it), electric going out and a wood-stove in the kitchen? The further along we go, the farther behind we get. – And so I amused me on Minds for a bit today. I don’t have the mental ability to focus on much of it… fatigue. – 23.20 SHOWERED AT LONG LAST! Radiator up full. Stove, stuffed. Heater in the loo on. Fans going in the kitchen to circulate the “warmth”. Minus 26 out there. Going down to a chill of minus 37 tonight. My main concern: the critters. But the stove will be burning through the night and they don’t mind the kitchen. Poor Mimou, he’s so much like me, not liking the cold. We know what it is to be truly cold and neither of us likes it at all. But I do the best I can for both of us. Hallie prefers the cold. Still, she shouldn’t have to be in it all through the night. Tomorrow, Andrew McC comes to check the furnace. Exciting… for me. Were I younger… But I’m not. Anyway, last Tea tonight. It’s as cold as it would be had it been taken from the fridge! It’s been in a bag on the floor in the room. And I kid not, nor exaggerate. as cold as the fridge. – Well… time for some Countdown or other. And hopefully some sleep and an early rise tomorrow. There’s a stove that’s going to need shovelling out and ashes to dump, and me to get together for “company”. – Pisses me off to hear the furnace running knowing I’m getting nothing of it and those shit-bag, useless Twats up-stairs are getting it all. Burning all the oil away too. There’d better be enough to get this place warmed again after the boiler repair. Fuck.
Tue.2.Jan: 8.40 Up at 6.00 on my own and up and out of bed and I don’t know how because my stomach was “off”, my head was “off”, my body was “off”… but… but… BUT… Over to the coffee, on with the clothes, out to the kitchen to shovel out the stove and get that re-started. Next… on with the jacket and boots, gloves, and out to the garden to dump the ash buckets, embers and all, and to bring Ms. Hallie out with for morning ablutions and morning smoke. Back in the house, breakfast was served followed by a change of foot-wear to sneakers and out to the garage for more fire-wood for the kitchen. 4 chairs of wood for the kitchen, then pull the wood from the North wall of the garage to stack by the kitchen door. Done. Into the white room to replace the power strip with an extension cord since the power strip got fucked when I put the heater onto it yesterday. Done. Grab the vacuum… which was in parts and pieces because…? Well, because it would seem Mme. got hold of it at some point and just tossed it. Typical. Put that together. Sweep the kitchen floor and round the hearth. Hoover. Next up, bucket of hot water and a mop. A few sprays of Clorox Clean-up and a clean floor there. By then, time for the second smoke du jour. And indeed, only just now, I’m sitting, dressed, already burnt-out for the day and ready for another nap. And the house and I are cooling down. The porch thermometer reads MINUS 10F. But the skies are clear and there’s a “threat” of “warming” to come… up to about 15F at some point. As they said on Plattsburgh TV last night: It’s going to feel like 90F! I need to re-fill my water bottles for the room and a couple of other shit-chores, but right now, it’s a matter of wondering when Andrew will arrive. At this very moment, it would be a delight to see him toddling about, but, I’d rather be under the covers, sleeping. 3 hours after bolting out of the bed (having gone under the covers at 1.00 this morning)… my day is all but done. And of course, I begin by being just the bit pissed-off: no heat, the place was left the usual mess, Mme. talking about having guests on Saturday, general bull-shit. Just the common, usual, general bull-shit that has become every breathing moment of Vermont. A “new year”, a new month, a new day and all the same… shit. Well, as is my usual punctuation at sentence and paragraph’s end: FUCK. – 8.52 I see MINUS 27 with a chill of MINUS 33. High of minus 11 with chill of minus 17… a soir. And nuageaux avec quelques flocons. Tomorrow, high of minus 7, chill of minus 13. – 9.19 Just out of the loo (at last), the house is getting colder as the out-side temps are rising. And… no service call. Not even a telephone call. “Vermont”. – Even the computer is cold. – 22.08 Showered. In bed. V-ton at bed-side. And the house is FINALLY a touch warmer!!! Yes… after the little shit from McCuin’s came by, touched the pipes down-stairs, blew me off when I said the thermostat was set at 70F and the temperature in the house was 58F, then tried to convince me that it was because the house is made of brick and that the bricks have gotten cold because of the weather… well… he got told that I don’t care what the the temperature of the fucking pipes are and using the brick has nothing to do with this shit… he says “I’ll tell Cory what you said and have him call you directly.” Nope… didn’t. Not at all, all day. I sent Mme. a text to tell her of the events. Told her the fellow got told “New York style”. Her reply “Good for you.” Yeah? Fuck YOU! No more minding and adjust my vocabulary for you and your people. Fuck ALL of you! I spent the night and most of the day in a fucking cold house. So you can ALL get fucked by your live-stock for all I care. So this evening, after a day of stuffing the wood-stove and keeping that hot, and the radiator in the room, the heater in the loo and the “Maryrose” heater in the living-room, I went to check the furnace m’self, hoping to find a control for the “zones”. Pretty much to shut off up-stairs, at least for a while. Couldn’t find that control so I turned the thermostat up to 90F, the highest. The temperature in the house is now about 62F, a bit better than the fucking 52F it was before I cranked the thermostat up. The furnace continues to run, I don’t know who for and I don’t care. There’s heat in the brick in this room, and the rest of the house is better than it’s been. Her electric bill is going to be a rocker. I don’t give a shit. Leave me here to attend to it all? Fuck you. As I’ve resolved: I take care of ME FIRST now. I WORK around here… THIS is my payment. – It’s been snowing lightly most of the day. – Earlier, I went to the store (where I mentioned to Deb that the house is 58F… just to let it be known). Chicken nuggets on rolls with salsa ans cheese, V8 and an entire pint of ice cream for dinner!!! FOOD! Calories! Watched “The Five”, stoked the stove. Dozed. I’ve been SO FUCKING tired all day today. I don’t sleep well… and probably might not tonight, what, with all the electric heaters going. But I ATE today! And there’s more for tomorrow too! – So, now, at 22.18, time for TV and a drink. The stove is stoked but I’ll check before sleep. At least the chill is gone from the place tonight. – Fuck… this year is coming in quite rough.
Wed.3.Jan: 8.27 Rough night. Up twice with horrid stomach cramps. I was tempted to stay awake at 5 but… came the 7.30 alarm and I dozed until the 8.00. And then, as usual, up, coffee, dressed, and fight with the garbage. One of the two bags on the porch was gotten at by something so when I lifted THAT one, as with the other bags of kitty-litter that I had to fight with yesterday… well… Tried to get the fucking bag out of the bin in the kitchen… snapped the top. Fuck that. AND there’s a little “stream” of water across the kitchen floor, probably a broken pipe under the sink. But… got the bags together and out the door. Garbage is out. It’s lovely out there this morning. 20F on the porch thermometer. Inside, it’s almost 65F! (The thermostat’s been set at 90F from since yesterday though.) So I had my smoke whilst out. Came in, served breakfast and here I am… yes, here I am. – Thus far, it appears that 2018 is going to be quite the fucker. But it’s all none of my business. Not my house. The busted shit here wasn’t my purchase, nor my decision and so, not my responsibility. – I wonder if anybody from McCuin will drop by. The furnace OR the thermostat still isn’t functioning. But I doubt anybody gives a shit. – Last night, a thought: Apes, monkeys, ants, bees… are born and mature into a sense of “community”, of “others”. Whether they participate in the community or not, they have a sense of those around them. They function for the proper operations and survival of those around them. Not so, Vermonters. They never mature into that sense. They remain evolutionarily retarded, stuck in the childish narcissism common to all children… for a period of time. Unlike normal progression, where-by “the moon no longer follows the child”, Vermonters function as if the moon, sun, stars, the world follows them, they are the centre of all things, all places, all. Example: the garbage bags… never mind that I might have some garbage to add to it, they’re filled, tied and tossed onto the porch in a place where-by one needs to manoeuvre around them… in the centre of the porch-way, by the door, on top of something commonly accessed… and, as with the litter this time, holes in the bags and nothing more than “I punctured the bag so when you lift it….”. Never mind putting it into another bag so that it doesn’t spill onto the floor. Or, with the heat situation as it’s been, just shove the thermostat down to, as it’s been, 55F or so and toddle off for a week-end at a place where the mean temperature is at, most likely, 70F. Never mind the dog, cat or the human in the house. Then there’s the “travel”… as was just said on Monday here: “Remember when Maryrose and I went to Rhode Island? When was that?” I don’t know… you didn’t say you were leaving… you just left. Qunt. Or the ONE trip to CT: “Take the truck and go visit while I talk with… “ Yeah? YOUR truck and I don’t know how long you’ll be with your chum there. So “visit with”? What? How long? Knock on the door, say “Hi” and run like shit back? Meanwhile, you’re off to Rhode Island, Maine, Massachusetts, etc. and back with all sorts of “Maryrose saw her brother, sister, cousin, aunt, chimpanzee, buzz-cock… &c.” and “We had dinner at…” and “The place had a pool so I got a couple days of swimming in at…” Meanwhile, at the house, I got the garbage out, the recylcing out, the wood stacked, the floors cleaned, and these days, making sure the pipes don’t freeze, and the likes. Yep… jolly shit, that. Before, at 5225, it was pulling 400lbs of pellets from shed to porch then porch to parlour weekly, and all the while, being in a room where the mean temperature hovered at abut 48-52F every day, lower at night… mowing lawn with a reel mower (that wasn’t even offered to me when I left) and then, the air mattress on the bed punctured and a note taped to the door “We think it best that you leave. Here’s you’re 30 days.” Right. It’s been like that for 6 years now. Am I accustomed to it? No, not even hardly nor slightly. I DO realise that there’s nothing to be done to change it, so I just go on about my business. As I told Mme. only recently: I needed to come here to learn how to be “selfish”. I’ve learnt. It’s not pleasant, but I’ve learnt. I suppose I learnt in the Shelter… at least I began the lesson there. But, here I am, learning more and more and regretting less and less. – And so, a diatribe at 8.49 on a Wednesday morning. Another day commences. Where it will go is anybody’s guess. I have to get my clothes into the kitchen basin now… time for a wash. The line to the washer is, I shouldn’t doubt, still very much frozen. Ah… and then there’s the leak in the kitchen line. Just jolly. But… as ’tis said often:
KADIMA!
To thrust forward…
– 8.58 It appears the washer-line is now thawed. The machine is cycling through a “Quick Wash”. Ah… lovely at this end. I wonder how much water is filling in the basement. And the thermometer in the bed-room is reading 68F… though the thermostat is still set at 90F. I’ll leave that as it is. If we get this house up to 90, all the better because there’s a day, Sunday I believe, when the “high” will be minus 20F. No sense being foolish… just yet. Of course, the old cow will be here, thermostat set at 50F again, frozen lines for Monday when she toddles off down the road. O, what a fuck this place is. But, hopefully, I’ll be able to get MY washing done… today. – 11.04 and the day is rolling right along. I’ve just cleaned 2 jars of butts for re-smokes and had one. Ran the washer for the second time just to make sure there’s water. (Will be making a wash later, to be sure. No kitchen basin today!) – The house is warming up to 70F with the thermostat set at 90F. I sent a text to Mme. with the news of the washer and mentioned the furnace. No reply. Of course. And now? I’d like, very much, to nap and probably will. No word of “visitors” to check on the furnace. Thought on that: They’ll probably charge a service call for yesterday. I mean, to send a flunky to touch the pipes and report that they’re hot. Yeah. Sure. As I think:
I’m just still not accustomed to the “work ethic” of this place. They have none. And any sort of “work ethic”, particularly one that involves actually “working” is resented, seen as some sort of illness that they need to rid the state of. Alas. I’m not accustomed to it and have no plans to change that situation. I work. I’m happy to work. I do my best when I work. That’s how I was raised. That’s how I am. That’s how I intend to remain.
Meanwhile. Yes. Nap time. Even for an hour (if possible). The house is warm. Plan is to leave it as it is, hoping that it will eventually reach the 90F and leave it as such, no matter what. The walls need to be warmed at this point. No doubt, Mme. will return and bring the place back down to “frozen” (at which point she’ll whine about frozen plumbing and the sort). But for now… let the place be warm… even “too warm”. – I’m tired. – 14.02 Well… I TRIED for a nap… 45 minutes of laying in bed, stuck between sleep and awake. Annoying. So I got up, checked the basement for leaks. None. Found the manuals for the boiler though and read through those. The only thing I can surmise is that the thermostat for this level of the house isn’t properly connected and/or the “zone” setting is incorrect. Oh well. None of my business but I looked into it. – I should phone Wells banque today but my brain just isn’t all “here” today. Tired. Fatigue. Generally. I don’t want to be on-line. I don’t want to be on the computer. I don’t want to “do” much of anything. I just want to sleep… soundly and restfully. My nails need filing, clothes need washing, the floor needs cleaning… I’ve no energy, no ambition, no desire. Oh well. At least the house isn’t freezing any more… for now. – 23.21 Stove is stoked. I’ve eaten rather well enough. Showered and scrubbed almost to the bone. Hoovered. And it’s actually uncomfortably warm in the room tonight. Mme. sent a text earlier. Somebody from MCCuin will be here tomorrow to replace the thermostat. Ah… well… I shouldn’t think it in anybody’s best interest if they come whilst I’m alone here. I seem to intimidate them. So I advised her not to “tarry” tomorrow, saying she’s got an “appointment”. Actually, I’ve had more than enough of this bull-shit with these Vermonters and their nonsense. And that business of “I’ll have Cory call you directly”? Oh DO spare me. Twaddling idiots, the lot of them. – But, the day is done and I’ve done nothing. Now to relax. The clothes are in the dryer. All is washed, including me. A fresh beginning. Not on the first day, but soon enough. I’m clean. Clothes are clean. Bed linens are clean. Even the green jacket is clean. All’s well. At last. – As for tomorrow, and the day after? To be seen. There’s reports of a Winter “hurricane” coming on the week-end. Thursday is to be the “slam” and then minus 7F on the week-end. Yes indeed. And I keep thinking of Pat Grottano and never being cold again. No. I know what it’s like to be cold. It won’t happen again. And Mimou? He won’t be cold again either. – This evening, he cuddled so closely to me as I sat in the recliner, staring up and rubbing his face against mine. I can’t help but think that he knows how much we have in common, and how much he means to me. It’s going to be hard, leaving him behind. But it will be best if I don’t take him to NY with me, or so I believe. It was nest for Noel… Besides, I’m not going back to NY for anything other than to die on the “home-land”. Yes, best he stay here. And if there’s a way to watch over from “beyond”, so I shall. – Other-wise, I received a nasty post on my “Author” account on Twtr today:
Hugh Jasole @MileHighStar7 9h
Replying to
Better then spending money on this gibberish
My reply:
Thank you for having taken the time to purchase, read and review the book. I, and those for whom it was written, appreciate your concern for the plight of the #Homeless. You’re truly an exemplary human being.
(Strikes me as another bunch of bitter grapes. I wonder… But not enough to get involved.) – Oh well… Just posted to Cheryl Cormier too. She appeared out of no-where. It’s been qite a while. Invited her over to Minds. Hey, maybe I can start making a buck or something there. – And so, Mimou is on his barn-bed here, the v-ton is at bed-side. Clothes are tumbling and it’s time to wrap another day in Shit-hole. Tomorrow is another day… and there’s library to escape to, should the need arise. (And I should phone Ev and Wells Fargo too I suppose.) –
Thu.4.Jan: 8.24 Loo for all. Stove. Breakfast. Coffee. Smoke. In that order. Done. And the realisation that I slept through the night! And yet, I could, fully dressed, return to the bed to sleep the day away. But here I am. There they are. All is as it should be. But I’m leaving the heaters on until such time when I know that they can be turned down and off. It’s not bitter out there this morning. But I’m not risking having the house cool down. – Of course, there was a snarky reply to my message to Mme. last night. She’ll tell McCuin not to show until 13.00. Jolly good, that. After all, it’s not important that the matter be attended. She’s not here. And I can’t help but think that, again, I’m intimidating them. Pansies. Alas. Oh well. Too bad. Hard cheese. And tough shit. – Another day. Here we go.- 10.52 Yep… Cory and Andrew are here. Yep… “don’t come before 1:00”. More bull-shit. More excuses. – 12.41 Mme. returns. I try to relay the messages given by McCuin Crew… she walks out the door. Oh well. I’m tired. Ready for another nap. And the snow is beginning. No sense talking. No sense at all. – 12.51 Too funny: She comes into the room and says “Well, I’ve gotten everything out of the truck and went to the post office, thank you.” As if I should run, drop everything, be of service. “Thank you”. Indeed. Well… I’ve attended your fucking cold house, worked on the boiler, dealt with your fellow idiots and morons, cleaned the place, kept the stove going so the pipes don’t freeze (again), tended your dog, etc. whilst you were cozy snuggled in Burlington. One week-end is equal to at least a 300$ savings in kennel fees, house-keeping is a bit more, and then there’s – Never finished that last line and here it is… 16.37 and I’m just waking from a 2-hour nap! Mme. Is asleep in the living-room. BUT… the house is warm! (I’m just waiting for her to fuck about with the thermostat… espcially since she was told not to). And now, to finish the nuggets… “meal”. – 21.10 WELL! At about 17.00… THE ELECTRIC WENT OUT! Finally got the thermostat replaced, the house was becoming comfortable and… SNAP! DARKNESS AND NO FURNACE. So, with Mme. sound asleep on the Royal Recliner, I went about looking for candles and holders. Got about 3 going and she wakes. “Are you in the dark?” “The whole region is in the dark.” I replied. And she dozed back off. I went about trying to illuminate walk-ways and the likes and the phone rings. She can’t understand that her wireless phones don’t work and insists it’s the computer. So I answered. Pam. “Is Jacquie there?” “She’s in the dark.” I said, rather humourously. “Well put her on the phone. I want to tell her what we know.” I’m not “good enough” to tell. So I put the receiver on the table, summoned Mme. and went about my business finding lighting. Come to find out, “something between Highgate and Franklin”. What-ever. But it certainly put ME in MY place and made the situuation quite clear to me. I’m now at the top of the “Total Shit List” here. No prob. Just good to know. And I stated so, calmly, to Mme. She, of course, brushed it off. – She heated the Chinese left-overs. I’d already finished my chicken nuggets but sat for a drink and some food in the dark. The projection was lights back at 19.15. As we sat, at about 18.15, the lights snapped back on. Good, in that the house didn’t have time to cool, after all my efforts to get it warmed. We finsihed dinner, watched a touch of TV. – And so, Mme. took Ms. Hallie out for evening walk and to fetch her newspapers from out front. I noted how warm the house is now, comfortable, and it came “WELL, I’M TURNING IT DOWN TONIGHT.” Yep… after being told, repeatedly to leave it set where it is, paritcularly in view of the alleged and forecasted MINUS 35 coming, it’s as I told McCuin: SHE WILL NOT LISTEN TO ANYTHING ANYBODY TELLS HER. SHE’S AN ARSE! NOT AN “ASS”… A LITERAL ARSE! OK. FINE. I’VE GOT THE RADIATOR TURNED BACK UP FULL. Last night I fell asleep on top of the covers because of the heat in the room. Tonight? As the wind whips the snow about out-side (and she claims it’s not cold out there), I’m going to heat this room to “Tropics”. Meanwhile, I have the operations manual here in the room. Will check to see if there isn’t a “Child-proof” function on it. If so… it’s back up to 75F. If not… come Monday… we’re up to 90F no matter what. Of course, the real cold will be here tomorrow night. THAT will be the tell-alll. And I quietly said “Well, it was said to leave it as it is, but if you want to pay 5 or 600 on your next electric bill, you’ll have forfieted your right to complain. McCuin said to leave it. But…” – And so, the clock winds the day down. We shall see what it’s like in the house tomorrow. The stove is stuffed. No doubt there’ll be some kind of fucking about with it before the night is done. I’m too tired of it all… and that bull-shit from Pam… Thankfully there’s hope of getting out of here. Sadly, probably not before Spring. But there’s the hope. And I hold to that. – Sadly, tomorrow I’ll probably have to go into my “Pension” for smokes… and will be in with Tea. If nothing else, I’ll have to see my way through… with something to dodge the edge of this shit. – For now, the radio is on, WNBZ playing, the radiator up FULL-ON. There’s a touch of “chill” coming through the outer wall as usual. But, there’s heat in here. Hopefully the critters… especially Mimou, won’t get chilled over-night. And again, tonight, I’ll have to be sure to wake early enough to get the stove re-going in the morning before the old bat fucks with it. Alas. The Shelter Days… 2018 just beginning and The Shelter Days are here… again. – 21.34 Currently -8/-15 Going down to -18/-30 tonight. Tomorrow -19/-32 for the high. Saturday high -23/-34. She’s asking for shit. Hopefully Nature will abide.
Fri.5.Jan: 7.50 and in from a smoke. The world is nicely covered in snow this morning, and the wind is making some very nice drift-cover. Not too bitterly cold (yet). I woke on top of the covers, and slept as comfortably as could be said for comfort. Of course, the radiator was on FULL through the night. Still, to wake above the covers is to me, interesting. It’s said that tonight the temperatures will be plummeting so we shall see how all works with heating the house. I haven’t stepped out of the room, so there’s no telling how it is out there. But surely, there’ll be something happening, with the adjusting and re-adjusting and re-re-adjusting of the thermostat. (And then the whining about the whole thing not working and not properly heating the house.) Alas. – My stomach’s off this morning. I’m beginning to think it’s my favourite crisps, the dill. It seems to want to repeat or to simply come back up and out. And I woke to the lovely sounds of crashing somethings in the kitchen. Par for the course, as it were. – Watched three episodes of “Countdown” before bed and had a v-ton as well. I think I finally turned-in at about 1.00 this morning. Well, on a day when the snows preclude much reason for being out of bed, and a morning when somebody else is here to attend to “her” critters, I could have stayed in bed, or comfy in jammies, here I am, beginning another day, and waking to look forward to “nap time”. – And I woke out of a rather strange dream, but one that makes immediate sense:
I was standing in a narrow, little coffee shop, packed full of people, men, all off to work. I knew the place and at the same time, didn’t. Waiting patiently for the owner, a young fellow of about 40s, to get the pastries sorted and put into the display case, stuffed into the crowd, some other fellow comes in and the owner ignores the rest of us and gets this one his coffee. So, I spoke up, in a congenial tone:
“Could I get a coffee, black, to take out?”
The owner gave me a look and a forced smile.
“Of course you can.”
“Only if it’s no trouble, of course.” I said, with an equally forced smile. “I mean, you’re not the only coffee shop in town and I could, with-out any trouble at all, go to another one and not disturb you this morning.”
Still smiling, the owner called over the crowd to me “Yes, yes you could, of course.” and reached for a paper cup into which he poured some milk and turned to pour coffee in from the machine behind him.
“Well, I wouldn’t want to inconvenience you.” I said, in a barely noticeable tone of patronisation and condescension.
“Oh, it’s no inconvenience at all.” said the owner, putting the top on the coffee-with-milk and handing it to me over the crowd.
I took my coffee, thinking of how I was actually the very next person who should have been served and fully aware of being over-looked and rather ignored until I spoke up, and backed my way out of the crowd.
The next moment, I was at an out-door village fair where little booths had been set-up for the selling of wares, crafts and art-works. There was a row of about 3 or 4 of these little booths that were “Mme.’s”. For some reason, I was agitated, annoyed, none of my own works were on display and they were supposed to have been. She, and those responsible for the setting-up had obviously intentionally left my works out of the sale. I stepped inside one of the little booths which were 3 “walls” of some light-weight card-board and white fabric, about 3 or 4 metres high, and let myself simply fall against the back “wall” and it all went to the ground, with me laying a-top it. I rather feigned some kind of confusion, laying there as a few people came by to have a look at me. I said nothing, just lay there, looking around as if dazed, but fully aware of what I’d done. A woman, “Pam”, came by had a look at me, leaned over and stared, silently, into my face. I didn’t move, just shifted my gaze from side-to-side, said nothing. “Pam” got up, looking rather disgusted, and walked away. Mere minutes later, Mme. walked by, looked down at me, still laying there, gave me the most disgusted look and walked along. Nobody bothered with or about me or the little booth and the wares, still laying on the ground.
A woman’s voice said, matter-of-fact, “Should be call a doctor or something?” and was answered by another woman’s voice “Not really.”
And with that, I woke.
And this is how the day begins… I woke, heard a voice in the kitchen, Mme. talking to either Hallie or Mimou, followed by the crashing of something or another in there, and that was followed by the thumping of the Twats up-stairs. Yes indeed… simply another morning in Vermont. The retards doing what retards will do: bringing in the new day being retards. – And so, I pee’ed in my bottle, made my coffee, got dressed and headed out to the back porch to have my smoke from the pack of Belvederes that I’ve opened, saving the 2 Camels for later and looking out to the snow-covered world and watching the drifts across the ground and blowing about in the wind. – Good morning heart-ache, here we go again. Good morning heart-ache, you’re the one who knew me when… Might as well get used to you hanging around. Good morning heart-ache… sit down. – 8.22 Minus 20 with chill of minus 28 I see. Minus 22 with chill of minus 38 for today’s “high”. Tonight, which is supposed to be the “killer cold”, minus 23 with chill of minus 36. No “minus 45F” in the forecast. And then… minus 22 for tomorrow’s high and all returns to regular temperatures of minus-single-digits. Tra… la. – Blew my nose this morning… the usual… bloody. Yeah, well, the heat’s up in here and it’s dry. No shockers there. – And so, 8.26 and… on with being “awake”. Another day. – 12.42 Just up from an almost 2-plus hour NAP! Originally planned for about 30 minutes, I was 75 per-cent sleeping and dreaming again.
Out in a little stone house, in an area that resembled the hills of Yorkshire. I shared the place with a young guy who came to me and told me “I’m going for a rather long walk….” I some-how knew that he was going to a dinner engagement to which I’d not been invited but he wouldn’t tell me.
“That’s the shame about being out here.” I said. “You can’t use your mobile phone… In case some-thing happens out there.”
He said nothing. I said nothing. And he left.
I’d had my lap-top and some papers on a table in the yard that I went to retrieve to bring back into the house. As I gathered them up, some women came by. They were to have some kind of gathering at the house and I was rather annoyed because they’d been given the place with-out any consultation with me, and I wasn’t on speaking terms with any of them. Opinionated and the usual “biddy” type, though probably in their 30s of 40s of age. I simply gathered my things and started bringing them into the house.
And I woke.
Meanwhile… I did venture out to the house this morning, to use the loo, at about 9.30 and, as expected, when I opened the door to this “little room”, the temperature difference was immediately noticeable. SHE’S TURNED THE THERMOSTAT BACK DOWN! THE HOUSE HAS A DISTINCT CHILL. She, Mme., was on the phone when I went into the loo and when I came out, she was sitting at table, in her robe. “Bonjour!” she said. And I said “Bonjour” and we chatted only for the briefest moments and I came back into the room. Honestly, to turn the thermostat down when she’s been talking about the cold that’s due in. The walls will go back to being chilled and surely, there’ll be something said about the furnace. Oh well… I came back into the little room and cranked the radiator back up. Right now I can feel only the slightest chill coming in, more like coming through the outer wall of the room. And as I laid on the bed, not under the covers, napping, I could feel the chill coming from the kitchen. There’s still some wood for the stove, in the kitchen, but I’m not going to bother about it. There’s a full tank of oil down in the basement, a new thermostat. The place was warm last night when we all went to bed and, as I’ve noted, I slept atop the blankets. If she needs heat and runs out of fire-wood, her choices are simple: get wood from the garage, turn the thermostat back up to where she was told to leave it or deal with the chill. I’m no longer going to concern myself with it just as long as the little radiator keeps this room warm enough. – My stomach is still “off” too. Something… and I can only think it’s the crisps, still wants to come out. But I’m not going to go into the loo now. It’s cold in that house on the other side of my door. And out-side (I’m just in from a smoke), the wind is picking up and blowing the snow all about. – The Twats ventured out. The drive isn’t cleared and they had to push their car through the snow-bank at the end. Ah… so you see what the place is like when the old “Work-horse” doesn’t get right out there to make your lives easier. Bits of shits… the lot of them. There’s nothing “wrong” with Mr. Twat. But he won’t lift a finger to “work” around here. So let them all live as they would with-out my presence here. – I hear Mimou on the porch. I imagine Mme. is off to the post office… for more paper to stuff into the wood-stove. That too… paper… stuffing the stove, taking space that should be available for wood. She’s ignorant beyond description. Well… so be it. I just hope little Mimou doesn’t suffer from the cold out there. But I’ll not interfere. He’ll learn not to venture out there with her and a hefty snap of cold will be the best teacher. Though it does pull at the heart-strings to hear him. – I don’t know what I’ll be doing with the rest of this day. I should phone WellsFargo, but I just don’t have the energy at this point. I just don’t have the energy. And my stomach won’t take any aggravation… any “more” aggravation. – 13.12 Just in from an urgent loo-run (stomach). Yep, she went to the post office and took Hallie with her, and she’s whining because the poor dog had to be sent back to the house… her paws were freezing! Dumbass! What a fucking piece of qunt-work, that one. AND… the electric heater is running in the loo… Seriously. Brand new furnace. Brand new thermostat. All the whining about paying so much for them and… ELECTRIC HEATERS running. DEAR GOD! THE UTTER RETARDATION! I have to learn to shirk it all off. It’s none of my business and, well… THAT kind and degree of fucking retardation is… IRREVERSIBLE AND IRREPARABLE! “HOPELESS” in the truest sense of the word. (I’ll just stay in the room and away from it.) – 21.42 In bed after a nice portion of mac’n’cheese for “dinner” which followed a blow-out when I walked out the door of the room to find the house in a “chill” and a threat of calling the Health Dept. under the guise of McCuin charging almost 6k for a damned furnace that still doesn’t work! But, as always, I said, I ended and it was dropped. – I’VE TRIED A 2k TRANSFER TO CIBC VIA OFX SINCE THE ACCOUNT STATUS SAID THAT ALL IS WELL. (They never notified me but that’s OK.) BUT I’M WORRIED NOW BECAUSE I PUT IN THE TRANSFER FROM THE CARD TO WELLS FARGO AND BUT I WONDER HOW IT’S TO BE KNOW THAT THAT’S FOR THE TRANSFER SINCE THE CARD DIDN’T ASK FOR A TRANSACTION OR CONFIRMATION NUMBER. WELL… MONDAY, I’LL CALL AND TRACE… ALTHOUGH THE CARD CLAIMS 3 BUSINESS DAYS . FUCKING BULL-SHIT. THERE WAS A TWEET TO THE EFFECT THAT I SUSPECT THE GOVT. OF HOLDING MONEY FROM PENSIONERS. I’M FED-UP WITH THIS BULL-SHIT. Mme. OFFERED THE TRUCK ON MONDAY MORNING TO GO TO THE OFFICE IN BTV THOUGH. I SAID I’M GOING TO TRY TO FIGURE THE BUSES. WE SHALL SEE WHAT COMES OF IT. – Tonight I admitted that I just want to get back to NY to die… not to re-settle or re-start my life… just to go home to die. And she got a face-full of my disgust with Pam, for whom I’ve never been rude and that I don’t deserve that kind of nastiness, particularly from a cross-breed cow. As I said, truthfully, she (Mme.) is in for a rude lesson in “friends” when I’m gone from here. And I took the opportunity to remind that I tried to help her against her kids taking her home. She acknowledged that fact and asked what she could do to help me. I said I don’t want “help”, I just want the bull-shit to stop. So… it’s left at that. The facts are in the open. I MUST let it quiet down. – -Meanwhile, the weather is 0F but the wind is beating everything in its way. The threats are still flowing about minus 30sF tonight. We shall see. Supposedly they’ll carry through tomorrow as well. And I’m on the last drops of vodka and a bit of tonic. Almost not worth the pouring into the mug. Oh well. I have to figure how to get to the store tomorrow. Smokes and Tea are called for. (And on my books, only 999 on the card.) – The day is done. Time for a wind-down. The room is warm enough for now. Let’s see what tomorrow brings.
Sat.6.Jan: 7.56 and -24 with a chill of -34 and snow. Yes, snow. The small flakes, blowing in the gusty breezes, Nothing really out of the usual or norm. Blust’try, that’s all. All this talk of some kind of “bombcyclone” here is, well, bollocks, really. Boston and the coastal regions have been hit rather harshly in that, the winds of the “Winter hurricane” or, as we used to call them “Nor’easter”, pushed water into the city streets where there was quite the flooding and of course, the water froze, up to the windows of cars, essentially freezing them into blocks of ice, well, yeah, THEY got quite the shit. But, once again, the Vermonters suck the drama out of it and, well, the over-reactions are… as they should be expected. But the reality here is, it’s “Winter”. The only really rather harsh bit here is the wind, and I can remember walking to St.Albans in weather very much like this… only with sun and clear skies. So to me, it’s bollocks. – I was delightfully awakened at 7.30 to the tunes of “thumpity-bang-clang” of the wood-stove this morning. Not, mind, that I wasn’t almost ready to wake anyway. I was “lights out” at about 1.00. But of course, ’twas the hour at which the world MUST awaken because her Majesty was up and about. Alas, and oh well then. – As for the morning? Another day of waking annoyed with the shits, fucks, in-breeds, cross-breeds and the likes about. And looking across the road to the post office, the cars there already, thinking of how I could have been up and simply strolling across to open and get to work. Ah, but no. I had to be lied to, deceived into this existence of “retirement”, by some frustrated and insecure little closet dyke with a penchant of hate. Ah… such a charmed and charming early greeting to a new day. – My stomach is appropriately burning, acidic, and my bowels, knotted. Just another day in delightful New England. – Today’s intention, amongst all others: post again to something on-line in search of living quarters across the lake… back on the “home soil”, and figure my finances for when I get there to provide suitable comfort for my… MY… duration. Yes, in-fucking-deed, a common, typical, routine day. – I should, I must, I ought to empty the ash buckets this morning too. Why? Simply because. It’s what I do, how I am. And I’m wearing 2 pairs of jeans at the moment (and need a bit of a trip to the loo, of course). Prepped for the horrors of the out-of-doors. Prepped for the weather… but not the bull-shit. I need to work on that more than much else. – Thus ends this first post of the day. Shabbat Shalom. – Fucking bollocks. -9.51 Just in from hauling the ash buckets out to the garden… where they got shoved into the knee-deep snow drifts. Mme. perched in front of the wood-stove, on a chair, in her house-coat. “I’ve got the sniffles this morning.” Ah yes? Well, you’ve also got the thermostat set down to 65F or so, against advice. So fuck you fuck off. Enjoy. I’ve neither interest nor care. But the ash buckets are empty… and I note that I don’t see your “friends”, the opinionated little shits of town, rushing to check on whether or not you’re in need of anything. But, that’s none of my business. Me? I’m about to head back for a bit of a nap. There’s nothing to be done now, nothing that can be done at this point. – Honestly, it’s not all too cold out there. Were it not for the wind, and had I the strength and stamina, I’d take a walk… perhaps to St.Albans or Enosburgh. Yes, the temperatures are still being reported as -23, but it certainly doesn’t feel all that horrid, save for the winds. – Another day… yet, another day. – 23.10 Getting ready for bed, no Tea, no vodka, no soda, nothing to nibble on. “Meal” today was 2 franks on rolls, 2 rolls with salsa and a bit of V8. And time passed in several (3, I believe) naps. Only 2 chats with Mme. all during the day. I spent it all in the room, wasting the time on watching deep sea programmes and a couple of episodes of “Goodness Gracious Me”. No “work”. Just a complete waste of time all day. But at least I didn’t get into any arguments or debates. THAT was worth the time. – Burtie came to plow the drive in usual fashion. I saw some of it and came back into the room… mostly for the warmth. The radiator has been cranking on FULL all day. The rest of the house? Chilled. She had the oven on and did her usual bull-shit with the stove, stuffing it mostly with paper. I could hear it when the thing roared with paper-fire. – She went to bed only but about an hour ago. But we spent precious little time together and that was a delight. I CAN manage to keep to this room, alone, even with her roaming about. – Tomorrow, hopefully she’ll toddle off to church. I’m not sure if I’ll go into Enosburgh with her to make shopping and if I do, I’ll be quick about it… getting things back to the house before her mass is done. If not, I’ll go to the store here for the basics. I could use more coffee, V8 and, it would be in my best interest to get Tea in the market instead of the store. (But with a balance of 999 on the card, it kills me to touch it. That’s my “Freedom Funding”… though I’m pondering a “GoFundMe” or something of the sort to help with that and a car/truck. I don’t see why I shouldn’t. Others have done so for far more ridiculous shit, like the shit who got money for fried chicken.) – Anyway, I can only hope for sleep through the night tonight, after dozing and snoozing during the day. – There’s a distinct “chill” in the room tonight. And the juice and bread kept on the outer wall beside the door… almost frozen! There was some moisture in the bread bag and the rolls were about frozen! That’s how cold it COULD be in this room, were it not for the radiator. But I’ll NOT go back to the days at 5225! I was an idiot then. I’ve learnt. – So we set sights on “Countdown” and lights out. And tomorrow? It will happen as it will.
Sun.7.Jan: 7.58 I wanted so much to just stay in bed. I could, really. Very much like the days of 5225, “nobody knows whether you here or not”, as Lyle told me. Yesterday was a rather brilliant example of that. But, at about 7.00, we had the “Morning Symphony” of “clang-de-bang-bang” for stove door and ash-pots, followed by the aroma therapy of burning paper and lighter fluid. and so the day commenced. – Just in from a smoke. Blue skies and dazzling sun-light and not as crisp as it’s been the past couple of days. Another day has commenced. If the offer comes to go into Enosburgh, I really don’t have the energy nor the desire. So? We’ll see what comes of the hours… “The Hours”. – My guts are rather knotted again this morning. So I suppose all is “normal”. – Good morning heart-ache. – 12.19 and just up from a nap. – At about 9.30 I was out on the porch for a smoke and Mme. let Hallie out for a “pinkle”. Hallie and I came back in via the kitchen and there sits Mme. at table, in house-coat, hat, papers on the floor, beside the stove, in the stove. She’s “going through cards she’ll never use”. She’s got a cold today… and the house… is chilled, 3 bits of fire-wood left, stove going… NOT the furnace. Oh well… there was nothing I had to say, there was nothing worth saying. I went to the loo and came back into the room where I backed-up the lap-top to the Cgate and went for my nap. I’ve no patience, not compassion. – So it looks like I’ll either figure a way to creep out to the store later or… I’ll be waiting until tomorrow. No prob. There’s Ramen, a tin of lentils, 2 franks… No starving. (But I’d like to have something before bed… though last night was just fine… and this morning proved that no matter whether I drink or not before sleep… mornings are the same… shit.) – Now, to figure what I SHOULD be doing with this day and DO it. – 14.25 HUGE MISTAKE!!! I went through the box of misc. crap to find the thermometer (battery is dead, something else I have to get now, fuck) and found the MetroPCS phone. Took the accessible files, photos, and junk, to the lap-top and went through the “Contacts” (which I can’t get off the phone, of course). Between the contacts and the photos, the bile rises in my gut again, the memories come crashing back. And I look at what I had in Richford, and I no longer have, and I think of what has to be replaced even for the simplest living and I want to destroy… some-thing, some-body… I want to be dead… again. If only. I really need to get back to NY and get out of this existence… completely. – Mme. is sleeping on the sofa. I should take this opportunity to get to the store but I don’t want to. I’ll be sorry later. Oh well. – And I’m restless now. Fucked, is more the word for it. But everything’s back to the way it was in the room and so… I continue breathing… and that’s about all I do. – 21.08 Another day done. Actually had a burger, mushrooms, asparagus and potato with Mme. this evening. Got to mix my own drink (bourbon, rum and Coke) too. Watched a bit of TV together. – The fucking furnace isn’t working again. She’s got the thermostat set at 75F and it was quite chilled in the living-room today! She’s visibly upset about it. But she got the “Rinni” propane heater going in the pantry today instead of the oven. I’m so tempted to get involved but I know that what-ever I do will be turned against me so I’m letting it roll. When she’s gone, I’ll get the place warmed again for a few days. – And as for the day? Nothing. – She offered the truck to go to Soc.Sec. tomorrow. I’m pondering. I could do a little shopping (blankets and such that I’ll be needing when I move… maybe another camp cot and good sleeping bag). I’m pondering. Will decide in the morning since I can’t really phone OFX until about noon (they’re on the west coast). – Now? No nibbles or such but time to try for sleep.
Mon.8.Jan: 0.55 I was in bed and dozing off by about 23.30, half-sleeping again, just rather unable to actually tip over that line into sleep, contemplating whether or not to go into BTV in the morning when… BANG! In the dark. Something crashed. I got up out of the bed and bumped into a board on the floor. Turned on the light to find that the mirror had fallen from the wall. The old cord that held it up had finally broken. Oh well. I leaned it against the wall, nothing can be done about it tonight, got back into the bed, turned out the light and checked the clock: 0.03. Fine… Under the covers, got comfy again and “bzzz-bzzz-bzzz”… the ATT phone that I use for an alarm had some-how re-set itself to the main screen. I hadn’t touched any bit of the screen and it was in the sleeping-bag. Right then. No prob. Just take it for granted that mobiles do shit, strange or what-ever. I rolled back over and got comfy again when, as I was settling in again… the cover moved, as if being pulled from the bed. I hadn’t moved. And so, I got up, put the light back on and laid there, a little annoyed about all of this shit. Right. I was thinking of going to Soc.Sec. in the morning. No sleep? Driving Jacquie’s truck? To BTV? Tired? Snow? Ice? My decision has been made for me. Nope. I’m not going. I could have gotten groceries, a battery for the thermometer, perhaps a bottle of vodka, I was thinking of stopping some-where to get a cot and blankets or a new sleeping bag for the new place… coffee… Nope. Not at this rate. Perhaps I might run into Enosburgh to the market, or perhaps St.Albans, but certainly not BTV! And now, I’m up, at the table, typing this along, too annoyed to be tired, and I’d appreciate a drink right about now but… I’ve had a smoke on the porch. – How about this? A “new day” begins… this way. Fuck. – 8.19 The day RE-commences… Grey but not as bitter cold. In from smoke. Mme. offering the truck to go into BTV. And I feel as if I’d been under a lorry all fucking night. Stomach “off”. Head “off”. Pain in the groin. Generally shit. I probably should try for BTV but seriously, as tired as I am, I don’t like the notion. Honestly, I don’t like the notion of going into Enosburgh. Back to bed would be nice. But that’s not an option. It’s one of those days where the fatigue is just too much. And I’m concerned about the transfer of Friday. There’s no “reference” number, just the money off the card and off to Wells Fargo. The thought of losing it… Surely it can be found, but how long will it take and what confusion will it cause? Oh… it’s not as if I haven’t been through similar. Well, the only way to learn is to go through it. I can phone OFX during the day. Or tomorrow. It take Comerica 3 days to effect payment. It’s still in “limbo” at this point. Oh well, oh well, oh well. I’ll see how I feel as the day progresses. It’s all I can do. It’s only fatigue. And the mirror is still on the floor… a reminder. None of this is extreme. But the fatigue makes it worse than it is. “Brain” trouble. Nothing more. – 22.15 Back to bed at last! Showered too, with the “new” bath gel (Zest). Hopefully it’ll take the “vinegar” stench off my body. (Old age is rotting me away… charmingly.) – It was a rather busy day, all told. – This morning, Mme. was pre-occupied with me taking the truck to BTV/Soc.Sec. and I didn’t feel comfortable with that idea, being too fucking exhausted from a completely restless and sleepless night, not to mention the snow coming down steadily. As I said to her, I know how I drive, and I know how the rest of them drive and I don’t want the responsibility of some dikwad spinning about and smashing into the truck. So…
I rang Soc.Sec. BTV to make an appointment for Friday. AH HAH! THAT is what set the day a-rolling! FUCK!!! AFTER BEING ON HOLD FOR SOME 15 MINUTES, SOME BROAD WITH ONE OF THOSE ABRASVIE, WHINEY LITTLE VOICES ANSWERS. SHE SOUNDED AS IF SHE WAS ABOUT TO BREAK-DOWN AT ANY SECOND AND BAWL, OUT-RIGHT! JUST LIKE A TRUE “VERMONTER”, SHE WOULDN’T LISTEN TO A WORD I WAS SAYING TO HER AS I TOLD HER ABOUT WHY I ALLEGEDLY NEEDED AN APPOINTMENT AND THEN TOLD ME THAT SHE WOULDN’T GIVE ME AN APPOINTMENT, THAT I’D HAVE TO COME INTO THE OFFICE AN “TAKE A NUMBER”. (IN RETROSPECT-ON TUESDAY MORNING AS I RECOUNT, I BELIEVE THERE’S A NOTATION ON MY RECORDS ABOUT MY TIRADE WITH “MICHAEL” RECENTLY, PROBABLY AN ENTIRE DOSSIER ON ME, AND NOTHING TOO PLEASANT.) THEN SHE WENT ON TO QUESTION MY ADDRESS BEING A P.O. BOX. I OVER-HEARD HER CHATTING WITH SOME SCREECHING BANSHEE ABOUT NOT BEING ABLE TO TRANSFER FUNDS TO A CANADIAN BANQUE WHEN I HAVE A U.S. ADDRESS AND THE BANSHEE SAID I HAVE TO SUBMIT AN “1199”! AH, BUT WHEN I EXPLAINED THAT TWO OF THOSE HAVE ALREADY BEEN SUBMITTED, ONE BY THE OFFICE IN BIRMINGHAM, SHE INSISTED THAT I CANNOT HAVE MY FUNDS IN A CANADIAN BANQUE WITH A U.S. ADDRESS *AND* BECAUSE MY ADDRESS IS A P.O. BOX! NO, NO. THAT’S NOT THE ISSUE. THE BANQUE ADDRESS IS THE SAME ADDRESS AND, AS I WENT ALONG I ADMITTED THAT I’M MOST SUSPICIOUS OF SOC.SEC. AND HAVE NO TRUST IN ANY OF THEM, SEEING THEM ALL AS CHRONIC, PSYCHOTIC LIARS AND CHEATS, AND THAT I WONDER WHAT, EXACTLY, THEIR INTENTIONS ARE WHEN IT COMES TO MY MONEY, WHICH I AM DUE. THE LITTLE BITCH’S REPLY? “I’M NOT SPEAKING TO YOU ANY MORE.” AND CLICK! WELL! THAT SET THE DAY ROLLING ALONG AND I INFORMED Mme. OF THE EVENT. OF COURSE, TRYING TO EXPLAIN ANYTHING OF THIS SORT WAS AS IT IS… BREATH WASTED.
NEXT ON THE LIST… A CALL TO OFX… ABOUT THERE BEING NO REFERENCE NUMBER ON MY PAYMENT TO WELLS FARGO. NOW *THEY*, THE NICE YOUNG GAL ON THE OTHER END OF THE LINE, WERE A MOST WELCOME RELIEF! NOT A PROBLEM! SHE NOTED THE ACCOUNT AND ASKED THAT I LET THEM KNOW WHEN I HAVE A CONFIRMATION FROM MY CARD THAT THE FUNDS HAVE BEEN PAID! INCREDIBLY PROFESSIONAL, SECURE, SURE OF THEMSELVES, KNOWLEDGABLE ABOUT THEIR BUSINESS. JUST A WONDERFUL RELIEF! (After the chat I happened to find the “Reference Number” from the card… I need to send that along… but being exhausted and disgusted with this morning and place… I have the number and will send along when my brain is better functioning.) But now, the morning was down the shitter…
OK… Mme. agreed to let me have the truck to go to the market (for coffee, and hot-dogs for Ms. Hallie) and so, by about 13.30 I was on the road to Hannaford’s. Coffee, franks, tins of lentils, butter (since I can keep dairy in the room or on the porch), tins of pasta, crisps, tonic… 70$ pissed off there but there’s something to be eaten in the place for me. – Next stop, ACE hardware for a battery for the little thermometer for the room here so I can see how warm I can actually keep this place. Whilst there, glue to repair the porch window AND TWO tubes of caulking to seal the frame round the basement door! (Indeed, I’m SO thoughtful of these shit-bags here… not that it means anything to THEM, but *I* feel better about ME for it and THAT is ALL that matters, really.) It was a DELIGHT to be helped by young gals who KNOW their business there! – Out into the blust’ry snows and off to the liquor store. I was debating whether or not to get Tea at Hannaford’s but decided on a bottle of vodka. And so… (having one as I jot notes at this hour)… V-TONs in future it is! – Off to RiteAid where I got a “Zest” shower gel, in the hopes it’ll take the “vinegar” stench off my body… it must be “old age” combined with poor diet, stress and general decomposition of the body-human but it annoys me), a small Listerine for fresher mouth AND… the lovely lady at the cash… when I asked for a carton of smokes, she had only the “50 cents off” packs and rang 10 of them at the reduced price! 7,35 each! for 73,50 the carton (pre-tax of course) which came to LESS than the cheapest at Costco! DELIGHT! TAH-DAH! – A stop at the Shell station to put the 15$ Mme. had given me to get the food for Hallie and Mimou into her gas tank. It just about filled the tank so I felt better about having been out for almost 2 hours AND at least SHE didn’t have to think about having to get out of the truck on her way to work today. – By about 15.00 I was back at the hole… put my bags on the porch (Mme. was in the loo), grabbed a shovel and cleared the back walk, made two paths in the snow to get to the truck and out to the post office. It was a rather comfortable day, temp-wise, so I didn’t mind at all. – Chatted a bit with Mme. who informed that she’d let the stove burn out, thermostat set at 75F (though it’s STILL NOT WORKING PROPERLY) and that she was going to try to get to work… if she felt no better, she’d return on Wednesday evening instead of Thursday morning. Fine. By about 16.45 she was out the door and down the road, farewell, good-bye, at last. – Me “meal” today… 2 franks (no rolls, I didn’t get any at the market and was too damned tired to go to the store) left over from the previous trip and the 3 apple turnovers I’d gotten today at market. Fine. It was something and better than nothing at all. – There’s still just over 800 on the card (and 2k floating about the world some-where). About a month’s rent, I figure. – I got the mirror repaired with some wire I found in the cupboard in the kitchen and that’s about the extent of my evening. Other-wise… I did NOTHING. Just don’t give either a fuck or a shit about much of anything any more. Watched a bit of tele. – There’s quite a leak in the kitchen. Mme. ran the dish-washer and the water leaks over to the stove. Large, dark brown water puddle oozing out from under the stove. I blotted it up just to get it out of the way and so neither of the critters steps in it. – And so… I suppose it was about 21.00 when I hit the shower at long, long last. Too fucking tired to actually enjoy the experience, but better than none. And right now, before getting into bed with my v-ton, I’m SAGING THIS FUCKING ROOM! Does it, will it make any difference? I don’t know until I try and TRY I will tonight. No more shit falling, shit banging, phones buzzing and such bull-shit through THIS night! If it “calms” the evil spirits or rids the place of any and all, so be it. I’ve had more than enough disturbance round this fucking place! – And now… time for some “tele”, v-ton and crisps… and HOPEFULLY A GOOD NIGHT’S SLEEP! (for a fucking change). – Fuck.
Tue.9.Jan: 9.01 Up at 7.30 feeling rather well-rested, out of bed to Mimou at bed-side. Out to pee in the WC. Coffee. On with the clothes, out to the kitchen! Let the critters out and a smoke. Recycling to the curb. Shovel the stove. And Uncle Bertie along with the plow. My heart went into my nose when I realised that Mimou was out there… some-where. Clever little thing, hid under the Subaru! And I? Trudge through the snow to the garden to dump the buckets. Back to the house. Drop the buckets, shovel the paths and back walk a bit. Back into the kitchen to fetch a bowl… the huge stainless steel bowl from the floor of the pantry. It needed, and I mean NEEDED a full scrubbing. This place is a fucking Petry dish of filth! Well, that scrubbed, back out to get snow to melt for water for the plants. It’s sitting on the kitchen basin to melt. And now, with a temp on the thermometer of 40F, considering repair of the porch window. There’s cleaning to be done round here, the stove in particular. Hoovering. Washing. I’d very much like to go back to bed. But… having second coffee. AND there’s a bit of repair work on the basement door moulding… sealing it off with the caulk that I BOUGHT yesterday. (I’m SO thoughtful… WTF… ) – I was “lights out” at about 0.30 this morning. A v-ton and a half and some “QI” and a “Countdown”. And I have to say, I slept quite well. Though, at some point this morning, rudely and momentarily woken by tooth-ache on the right side. But it seems to have passed. Probably clenching. Let’s NOT have a GOOD night of GOOD sleep here. – And today, there’s more banquing to be done. I’ve resolved to dodge Soc.Sec. at any and all costs. Perhaps leave the situation as it is, on the card, and work toward, perhaps, getting a legitimate account… perhaps at Wells Fargo, since they appear to be the replacement for Chemical… a real banque in this cesspool nation of “America”. I fear now, that I’ve a dossier with Soc.Sec., notes of disrepute. May as well leave the morons to play… else-where. I’ve no patience for any of the lot. All I want and need is to get the fuck back to NYS and die. – And there we have notes on a new morning, grey but above the freeze mark. Let the games commence. – 9.51 and caught-up with yesterday. I’d made some notes and filled them all in. Let the day commence! (The sun is pouring in.) – 12.00 ON the dot and the porch window is “together”, the first application of caulking is done on the basement door and the stove is cleaned and the glass is as clean as it will get. There’s a load of wash in the dryer. Accomplishments du jour. (And photos taken, of course.) Pondering a call to Pam to let the word be known that Mme. would like a Sunday evening dinner and if that happens, I will not be about… so that they can enjoy their meal. Pondering… – 21.01 WHAT A FUCKING DAY! – On the list of “Accomplishments” let’s jot:
(1) The porch window is repaired.
(2) 4 bottles of snow-melt for the plants.
(3) The stove is clean AND match-ready.
(4) The frame on the basement door is sealed.
(5) The hole in the hall-way wall is filled AND painted.
(6) Wood is stacked in the kitchen.
(7) There’s a little “cork stopper” on the door to the “little room” to stop the door from hitting the wall.
AND… I tried to open an account at Wells Fargo today and got to talk with a WONDERFUL rep. BUT… they couldn’t open the account because of the “credit bureaus”. WELL! I THOUGHT I’d had a “block” on all of that. Come to find out… I didn’t! BUT… what IS bad and HAS BEEN bad is the addresses they have. ALL THE WAY BACK TO METROPOLITAN AVENUE! Equifax changed it over the phone. Expirian and Transunion won’t. But at least ONE of 3 is now for 5199, and I have more work ahead for the other two (arses). – Tried to trace my 2k payment to Wells today and was insulted and cut off by some broad at Direct Express who couldn’t tell me shit from shoe-shines about ANYTHING related to finance. Talked with a fellow from Comerica Bank who told me that Comerica are getting a LOT of complaints about Direct Express cards and that Comerica doesn’t actually deal with Direct Express… they just sold them “the plastic”. (We both agreed that Direct Express is bringing Comerica down.) When I finally got transferred to a fellow at Direct Express he confirmed that they cannot track financial transactions! SO! I’m NOT comfy and NOT happy and MORE determined to get the fuck away from Comerica AND Direct Express as quickly as possible. – Imagine!!! And I managed to do ALL of this today!
Hopped over to the store for ice cream and rolls too. Today’s “meal”: Chunky cream of chicken soup with Ramen and some ice cream. Of course, dishes are back where they belong and OH! The kitchen got Hoovered! Yes, indeedie. – Right now I’m getting ready to shower. Jammies and linens got washed and dried (which I probably should have added to the list but they’re “normal” chores). – Tooth-ache again this evening. I hope this shit isn’t going to get worse. – And tonight I NEED a have and a clean-up on me. So the trimmer is charging. – Yes, an “accomplished” sort of day. Mme. was mentioning something about making a roast dinner on Sunday… no doubt for her cronies. But of course, by Sunday, the place will be a fuck-up but I’ve got photo-evidence of my work, not that it makes any difference to these shit-bag in-breeds round here. I’ve done the work… I see the results. All’s fine and good. Fuck the rest of them. – Amen. – 22.55 Scrub-showered, neck and beard trimmed, teeth brushed, and the clothes and towel are in the wash. But what I’d like to know is: WHERE did the day go? I can’t believe it’s this late! Oh well… I’m in bed, ready with v-ton and crisps. The lights are out but the kitchen smells awful. I’m wondering about the propane. Mme.’s using that Rinai heater in the kitchen lately. I hope she’s not looking at a new tank-full. Not to mention, the fire-wood in the garage is rather down… one stack out of the 4 originally. Although there’s still the sides. Not good for over-night, but still enough to keep warm. – Oh well.. time to wrap this shit up and call it “a day”. –
Wed.10.Jan: DOUBLE-DIGIT DAY! January is smashing away!
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THE FUNDS MADE IT TO CIBC ALREADY! THEY CLEARED OFX THIS MORNING, I GOT AN E-MAIL AT 9.45 AND AT ABOUT 21.45 OR SO, THE MONEY WAS POSTED TO MY CIBC ACCOUNT!
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– 5.48 RUDELY awakened at 4.30 this morning, from a rather good sleep by TOOTH-ACHE! Lower right, where the caps came off. The pain’s not in the stumps, but, rather, in the jaw. And to think I’d “pulled” last night, then brushed nicely. This morning, I pulled again, but that didn’t bring relief. Found the tooth-ache gel and applied that. It worked, slightly, and only for a while. Tried going back to bed but laying down brings the pain back. The only relief is being up and about. And so I am… quite tired yet. Hopefully I’ll be able to get some sleep during the day. (I can’t believe this… Hallie’s barking in the front room. Honestly, that’s annoying as all shit because she barks when there’s really nothing to bark at but I keep thinking of how people can come and go, via the back door, and she makes no noise. What kind of fucking nonsense is that?) Anyway, I’m making myself busy, folding clothes and the likes, to keep occupied. My eyes are burning though… from fatigue. It’s going to be “one of those days”. Well… back to busy. The garbage goes out today and there are “busy” things to be done. The only way to know how this day will go is… recount it when it’s done. – It’s cold out there this morning. Clear skies. It’s supposed to be warm. We shall see. – 9.07 tried to get back for a nap at about 7.00 and half-dozed until I couldn’t take it any longer, the un-rest and the tooth-ache (even after taking a naproxyn with morning coffee at about 5.00). And so, at about 8.10, up, dressed, breakfast for Hallie, then out went the garbage. It’s “snappy” out there this morning, but not in the VERY low minuses. – Then ANOTHER sit in the loo, with sneezing and runny nose. Cold? I don’t know. But I DO see the crisps coming through. I got a bag of Hannaford’s own whilst there and I’m thinking there’s an ingredient in them (MSG or something) that my body just doe NOT approve of. No matter. Today is going to be a day of “no calls”. I’m not up to all the aggravation. – So, it will be a “busy” day of some kind. I’m feeling like shit about not getting any work done on the book (GMBS). I’ll have to must get to that. – Meanwhile… second coffee is over-due. – 23.28 I’ve been busy since about 12.30 when I got into bed…
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THE FUNDS MADE IT TO CIBC ALREADY! THEY CLEARED OFX THIS MORNING, I GOT AN E-MAIL AT 9.45 AND AT ABOUT 21.45 OR SO, THE MONEY WAS POSTED TO MY CIBC ACCOUNT!
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I’m actually in awe at the moment, although, for some reason, not as much as I’d thought I might be. At this point it’s either utter burn-out, because of all the abuse from all the phone calls and nasty-arses I’ve been dealing with, or simple disbelief that all the efforts actually worked as they should have done from the very beginning. Still, it’s nice to see a “substantial” balance on the account sheet from the banque. (Now I ponder: will something happen or will somebody come out of the no-where and snatch it all away? Skype was right there to take their 9,00$ for the month, of course. Life is like that: Quick to take, slow to give. But… the bottom line is: The funds made it to Wells and on the same day, they made it to my account! Yes, indeed, it’s amazing!) And I posted “Thanks” on Twtr to OFX and received quite the wonderful replies, in short time. They referred me to a site where I got to post my “review” of them and their service. “Stellar” doesn’t come close to what I posted for them. And THEN… I see that I can post reviews on OTHER businesses… Well! I’ve just finished scathing blurbs on “Direct Express”, and Experian and Transunion, and a kind “review” of Equifax. (Each one is, so the site claims, notified of my posts. Let’s see them dispute. I’m all too ready.) “TrustPilot” is the site. I must remember that for future. But I’m feeling quite vindicated and have a peace of mind and spirit that I haven’t had in quite a while. Knowing that I CAN get funds to the account is comforting. Let’s see what happens come the next soc.sec. posting. (I’m prepared for more battle, to be quite honest… Dealing with all the mental morons and retards over the past 4 months… No doubt, they’ve all gotten heft pay rises for their stupidity, arrogance, ignorance and general uselessness.) – Meanwhile… all the regular laundry is done. Mme. is due tomorrow afternoon. Says, in a text message, that she has a few errands to complete after her stop at Costco. I told her to take her time, all’s well at the house (and so it is… Actually, there’s been HORRIFIC stomping, tapping, banging, thumping and the sort from up-stairs, but there’s no sense mentioning that to her so I don’t bother. Thankfully, I can escape it, to a great extent, in the “little room”. Let them trash the place. I no longer give either a shit or a fuck. Not my circus. Not my monkeys.) – Other-wise, I have to admit that it was generally a “nothing” sort of day. Thankfully I got “chores” and “necessaries” done yesterday and could afford to kick back, to a point, today. – “Meal” this evening was a tin of my favourite “pasta shells” with the left-over salsa. I’d had 2 “toasted and buttered” rolls earlier during the day, mostly to settle my other-wise churning and sour stomach. Finished the ice cream too! Timing is everything. And the room is Hoovered. I am showered nicely. – I’ve taken a naproxyn, prophylactically, and am “washing it down” with a delightful v-ton (and perhaps a second, just on account of because). – Off to some hopefully new episodes of “8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown” and even MORE hopefully, a night of SLEEP… through… with-out waking to leg cramps, muscle spasms, tooth-aches, head-aches and the likes. – Amen… and FUCK!
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THE FUNDS MADE IT TO CIBC ALREADY! THEY CLEARED OFX THIS MORNING, I GOT AN E-MAIL AT 9.45 AND AT ABOUT 21.45 OR SO, THE MONEY WAS POSTED TO MY CIBC ACCOUNT!
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Thu.11.Jan: 11.47 And I was up at 8.00 to the chants of Mimou… out of bed to the greetings of Ms. Hallie, to the coffee, then the kitchen, out the door to let them out. Back in, get breakfast for Ms. Hallie and off to the loo for a pee. Back to the kitchen, let in the brood and out for a smoke to come back in and find a RED X on the lap-top! Some sort of “video” programme, not found! Back-up the desk-top and my LN files! Search the web for the culprit. “Not essential” and “can be disabled”. No prob. To the loo for morning shit and to get dressed. And HOW I wanted, so much, to return to bed where, through the night, I actually SLEPT! But no… ’twas not to be. I returned to the lap-top to check on soc.med. du jour. – Meanwhile, the “January thaw” is well under weigh. Grey skies and melting snows all round. Bits of lawn and the back walk are visible again. And the temperature is “mild” and comfortably cool. – HOOVER! Kitchen, parlour et al. Damp mop on the kitchen, but got some pretty nasty spots up. Why? Because with-in moments of her return, Mme. will have the place looking like complete shit again. Alas, ’tis to be. Slobs will be slobs and as is the truth: those who are comfortable in filth will do their best to maintain filth. So it is, has been and shall be, world with-out end… Amen. But I did the work and I know I did it and that’s all that matters at all. – And now? The morning work is done and I can’t believe the morning is gone already as well. It’s been a day already. Looking forward to returning to bed at the end. It’s all I exist for.. .the end of the day. – The phone keeps ringing though. No messages. They wait until the “Hello” message is done and then ring off. Fucking retards, really. Even now… the dial tone. Fucking morons. Oh… to return to the land of “thinkers”. – I made notes before bed last night. Time to “catch-up”. – One quick mention: Last night, at some point, I woke with the most God-awful pain in the neck and head! Some-how my head was being shoved into my shoulders by the position on the pillow. Thankfully I woke to re-position my-self because it felt as if I was breaking my neck! But a bit of a re-position of pillows and self and… back off to sleep. Woke this morning, none the worse for it. Thankfully. If anything, I do NOT want to be incapacitated here! I have to go back to the “home-land” across the lake! Even if only to die on arrival.
Fri.12.Jan: 0.13 1 v-ton, the end of the crisps and… to bed. – 9.33 following another wonderful night of sleep… as quickly as my head rested on the pillow… and all through the night. I barely heard the “buzz” of the 8.00 alarm this morning (having put the thing on “silence”) and when I heard it, I didn’t even bother to get up… just looked out the window, saw the grey skies and half-dozed until almost 8.45, unaware of the actual time. But I got up anyway, had my coffee, bottle-pee, got dressed and stepped out to the porch and into… 12 degrees! Honestly, it’s amazing out there! Almost no snow to be seen any-where! Almost ALL gone! And the rain is falling, the wind is blowing and it’s more a cold Summer morning than a warm Winter morning. Oddly, as I stood there, managing to have my smoke in peace (no sudden opening of the kitchen door as is usually the case) (please forbid that I should have a silent smoke first thing in the morning), I pondered: “Imagine if this were the end of Winter, that the temperatures would stay this warm and then we’d go to Spring and back to Summer. Imagine no more snow, cold… No, not good, not nice.” And so, I came back in and went to the météo to see if, what and when. AH-HAH! The red banner: AVERTISEMENT! THIS IS GOING TO DROP SUDDENLY TONIGHT AND WE’RE GOING TO SLAM BACK TO WINTER IN A MATTER OF MOMENTS. By 21.00, we’ll be in sleet and snow accumulations of 25cm. By Sunday, back to minus20. So, Winter isn’t over yet. No prob. But right now, I’ve got the radiator off, the porch door open a bit to let in some “fresh” air (and a touch of humidity for the plants). May as well enjoy it whilst we may. And it’s time for a second coffee. All’s “normal”. – I have to add though, that the combination of 1 v-ton and 1 naproxyn make ALL the difference in the world when it comes to a night’s sleep. No spasms, cramps, tooth-aches, head-aches… just a delight. Thanks to them both, the combination, last night was the 2nd night of good sleep. Looks like I’ll have to figure a way to get into town again… more v-ton. And as for the naproxyn, I’ve got enough, at this dose, for a while longer. – Now… on to the day and this place and this reality and… FUCK! – 21.38 Mme. is asleep on the recliner. We had dinner together this evening. Burger, mushrooms, potatoes and carrots. I’d had a tine of lentils earlier so I’ve eaten well. – As for the day: nothing, really. The temperature was a steady almost 60F all day and all snow except the piles is gone! “January thaw” has come and gone. Tonight there’s threats of freezing rain and bitter cold again. High for Sunday is about 20F. But right now, the rains have returned and it’s still rather “comfy” out there and foggy. Winter will return though. And it was a peaceful day. – The stove is going. Has been since this morning. “To take the dampness out of the house. I’ll put the thermostat back up when it gets cold again but it’s been too hot.” Well… we shall see. – NOTE: She’s made plans to take off and head to Florida for 2 weeks next month. She didn’t make any plans earlier because she said Amie asked and she didn’t know if I’d be here then. I told her that this isn’t the best time to pack and leave and assured her I’d stay at least until she returned. I’m thinking, of course, that the longer I’m here, the more I’ll have to move and the better for me. (Besides, I want to get a better means of transport and get rid of the Subaru. As it stands now, with 2k in the banque, January due is 3k, February would give me 4k and March… 5k. And provided I don’t spend what’s on that fucking card… 5k isn’t all that much, really, but it makes moving a bit better. So? So… we shall see. – Got notice today that my underwear has shipped. 3-5 business days. Hopefully it will arrive when she’s not here and that I’ll have the key to the box. But imagine… new underwear! I can live, at least that much, like a human being again for a while. It’s been a VERY LONG time since the last time I had decent underwear. Imagine… underwear… how sad it THAT? – And now, I’m in bed. Mme. is on the recliner. She’ll be in bed soon and the day will be completely done. No telling about tomorrow. There’s the threat of snap freeze. There was a “flood warming” for Essex and Clinton counties. And Mme.’s Liz says there’s an ice-jam in the Mississquoi some-where. Indeed. Mme. is thinking of mass in Enosburgh tomorrow evening. We shall see. I might go to get more vodka, if given the opportunity. I could use more “snacks” too. But that’s tomorrow and all we can do is wait and see. – I took a 45 minute nap at about 18.00 but am so tired, as usual. Pondering a v-ton and “Countdown” or “QI”. – But, all said, it’s a bit of a comfort knowing that there’s money in an account. By god, I’ve never had such a luxury as this… ever, in my life-time. (I wonder what will come to snatch it away…. FUCK.)
Sat.13.Jan: 9.09 Well… so much for yesterday and the green grasses, comfy temperatures. January’s returned, the winds are blowing, snap to the air, and the snows are blowing about, flakes dancing about, and the roads have disappeared. Last night (this morning at about 1.30, actually), the earth was encased in about 2cm of solid ice. Folks not awake to that won’t know this morning, and at some point, the frozen rain turned to snow. Yesterday never happened. Winter was on a loo-break. But me? I slept, through the night, solidly, under a flannel (the old one I recovered from the bag o’ rags on the back porch). And this morning, I’d have to say that the house thermostat is set back up because, well, the last thing I noticed before falling asleep was that it was 26° in this room. The radiator is set at “medium”, one switch on, dial at a quarter, and it’s still quite warm in here. Ah hah! (But we’ll see what the rest of the house is like when we venture out there… in a bit.) – Feeling rather “run down” this morning. Probably from the rather tight v-ton and sugar before bed. But… it’s another day. Another day. Charming. – Oh, and a last check on the underwear. Due here on Wednesday. I wonder how though. UPS or USPS. To be seen. And hopefully, they’re in good order and condition. Again… to be seen. – Well. On with this day. (I need the loo but don’t want to be bothered just yet. Weather-check time.) – Minus11 I see, and a high of minus23 tomorrow, and the snow isn’t due to stop until after 15.00 today. – 11.48 It was a serene encounter this morning with Mme. And just not, the sun’s out and I hear her shovelling the back walk (en route to the post office, no doubt). But the snow continues and I’ve wasted another morning… oh well… and am ready for a noon-day nap. Haven’t had 2nd coffee yet though. Perhaps after the nap. Another day… another day. Stomach’s a bit wrenched though. (I should probably take some franks off the porch for later… ) – 15.04 FUNNEEE! Mme. & Mrs. Twat have their vehicles parked AT the loading dock at the post office so Burtie can plow the drive. Ah yes, the Twats move their vehicle for Burt BUT NOT for me. Anyway, I just informed Mme. that there’s a 4pm truck due at the post office and she just rang Mrs. Twat. THEY HAVE TO TRUDGE OUT IN THE COLD AND SNOW AND MOVE THEIR VEHICLES AGAIN! (I wonder what the postal service would have done, had I said nothing. But in this shit-hole, probably nothing. So I take delight in knowing that they have to be out, AGAIN, in the cold and snow.) Karma… Sometimes the gift of Schadenfreude is small, but enjoyable none-the-less.) – 21.50 In bed. House silent. “Meal”… cheese, crackers and a light rye and ginger. 4 franks just now. They weren’t frozen when I snuck them in from the porch. Horrid diet. But food, none-the-less. – Helped Mme. book her flight to Florida… on the 15th Feb. until the 4th March!!! Leaving from Plattsburgh! I’ll have the truck for 2 weeks again! MUST line-up some “explore time” for the areas “back home”. Today’s comfort is that, should I be tossed from here right now, I can go to a hotel for a while. And, should I want to be out when she returns in March, by then, I’ll have 4k saved, which is almost DOUBLE what I had when I came here. A car and flat. March… or April, but May by the latest, I hope. – She prepped her roast for tomorrow’s dinner. She’s thinking round about 13.00. I asked and said that I wanted to know so I knew when I shouldn’t be in the house-proper. She told me that I’m invited to dine with her, Pam and Dave. I told her that I wouldn’t, considering I now know where I stand in their esteem (for what-ever reason they might have) and that I feel it better that all sit calmly and comfortably to dine… and that I wouldn’t be comfortable. Said she, the invitation stands and if the dinner plans don’t come through, that “we” will have the roast. We shall see. I’m hoping “we” won’t have to. It would be nice to have a good, home-cooked roast of beef, but I don’t know that I can chew such a thing and I really don’t want to be a part of such a thing… taking her food. – So now, with the room “comfy”, the weather out-side, crisp, I’ve had my naproxyn and will have a v-ton with a bit of tele and to sleep… hopefully. Tomorrow, whilst Mme. is at “mass”, I’ll shower and hopefully get some snacks at the store. I’m completely out tonight. – Another day… behind.
Sun.14.Jan: 7.54 Woke just before the7.00 alarm after another night of sleep through, with, of course, the aid of a naproxyn and a double v-ton, to a clear and crisp morning, frost on the porch windows, and the smoke rising out of the chimneys of town, the sun just touching the top of Richmond Hill (or what-ever it’s called over there). Comfy in the room, under the flannel, and the sound of the washer thumping and spinning, I could get right back under it and snooze the day away. But I’m up, pee’ed, coffee’ed and in from a smoke. So this day commences. My stomach’s a touch “off”. Nothing drastic. Just “off”. My head is a bit in the air, not from last night so much as full of thoughts of moving. I saw some rather interesting little places on Crgslist last night before sleep. They’re old motels, on the lake, just south of… the Plattsburgh airport! 6-700$ including heat and hot-water but not electric. “South Junction”. I could actually drive by to have a look when I take Mme. to the airport in a few weeks, by which time, I’m sure, nothing will be available. But if the trip would go properly, it would be a great help. And I can, I pondered, take a look round Champlain and Rouses Point as well on that day… and the days when she’s away. February… weather permitting, it could work well for “exploration”. Not too bad, that. Draw-back? Motel. (Think: North Star.) Not well insulated, to be certain. Noise from the other units. Ground floors. No privacy to speak of. People coming and going. But on the lake. That would be ever so nice. And of course, I’m not thinking in terms of many years to come. I suppose it would be a nice place to simply kick-off and out. Well… it’s something to keep in mind. At least it’s not as it was not so long ago where I knew of nothing and had nothing, no resources. Even now, at this moment, I’ve more resources (cash) than I had before coming up here. Time will tell and a bit of focused determination. I brought myself through and out of a Homeless shelter in NYC, got on a plane and came here… alone. I can leave here… alone as well. Car and housing. That’s all I actually need. And at least there’s an income to speak of. – Meanwhile, in spite of waking feeling rather refreshed and rested, as I type, fatigue is coming in. Odd, that. – Hopefully Mme. will head off to church soon enough and I can jump into a shower. That’s my plan for this day: bathing. (But honestly, at this moment, my insides feel as if they’re leaving the rest of me. Can’t imagine why. Maybe it’s because coffee hasn’t quite kicked-in yet, or that I should be sitting in the loo. But stepping out of the door to this room and into the house officially commences a day of “socialising” and I’m not very prepared for that nonsense.) – Oh well… I’m compiling all the scattered notes from all the work on the Soc.Sec. bull-shit, taking names and numbers and the likes. Why? So that I don’t forget them… the good, the bad, the kind and the shits. – (And I think I can smell the alcohol wafting out of my body. Kriste! I hope THAT doesn’t start happening: smelling old and of booze. Not something I wish to acquire… those odours.) – Well then, this much jotted, I suppose it’s time to get on with the rest of what-ever this day is to become. – Minus 22 now and a high of minus 17 but clear is the forecast. The coming week, not too bad with minus 7 through most, and no snow. Why that makes any difference is a mystery to me. As Deb says: We take what we get because we have no choice. And looking at it sensibly, it makes no difference one way or another. – 10.37 Mme. left for church at about 9.30… I happened to be on the porch having a smoke when she came out to start the truck, other-wise, she’d have left with-out a word. Karma. And so, when she left, I got me dressed, hauled more wood from the garage to the stack in the kitchen (4 trips, that), then headed to the store for tonight’s rolls and snacks. Came back in, got to the loo. Teeth brushed, band changed, SHOWERED! THEN, came out, swept the kitchen floor of wood-stuff, HOOVERED a touch in the room and part of the kitchen, had another smoke and all this before my second coffee!!! – NOTING: As I stood on the porch having my smoke, I notice some steam or smoke coming from the windows of the barn, and where Mimou used to sit on the sill, over the double doors, in the lower right corner, it seems there’s something sitting there. Owl? Or what-ever, but the steam/smoke is curious. I’ve decided to simply let it be… in equal respect for the fact that they, the residents of this place, can move vehicles for Burt to plow but NOT for me to mow the lawn, not to mention the myriad of other “kindnessess” to which I am not entitled or for which I am to be considered. If it’s some kind of “damage” to the barn, so be it. (I didn’t see it. Oh my.) – And so, the house is comfortably “warmish” and I am comfortably cleanish, and prepared for the rest of the day… locked in this room… should the “Vermonters” come to dine. (No doubt, I’ll be left with a shit-load of dishes… but that’s only if I allow myself to be. There’s nothing saying that I “must” do the washing-up.) – And the sun is shining in a Wint;ry blue sky, the air is “crisp” and the day rolls on. – 13.59 Well… spent the morning copying all of my Soc.Sec. notes to a document… and then got side-tracked to getting more music. Meanwhile, the “cultured” folk (P&D) rang to make their dinner appearance at 14.00 instead of 13.00. And I don’t hear them in the kitchen as yet but… I’m going for my mid-day nap! May as well since I shouldn’t be round the house whilst they’re here. – Played “Time Is Tight” on-line and it just makes me want to cry so damned much. No particular memories, but the song just lifts me to places and times I so miss… 1968 of all years. So, on that note… NAP TIME! – 21.31 Well the day is over. P&D were here until almost 17.00 and I was in the room for all that time. I got a 90-minute “nap” in and had my 4 franks (cold) for “meal” in the room where I spent the entire day. The nap was good, I suppose. They left at the most perfect time though. I’d just gotten to the point where I felt I wanted a smoke and as I walked out to the porch they tooted their horn as they drove away. As I smoked, Mme. let Hallie and Mimou out and invited me in for left-overs. Her roast didn’t cook through properly and the centre was almost raw. It would have been perfect, if I had the teeth to eat it. She offered. I declined. She offered again. I declined. I wasn’t hungry (after the 4 franks) but the idea of being offered after the fact made it all the more unappealing. She offered a drink. I declined. (I have my v-ton at bed-side now anyway.) And so, we watched a little tele… cooking shows. Imagine that. – BUT…
AT ABOUT 18.26 THE PHONE RANG. A STRANGE NUMBER… INTERNATIONAL. I LOOKED THE NUMBER UP ON-LINE… *** AUSTRALIA ***. I COULDNT THINK OF WHO WOULD BE CALLING ME FROM AUSTRALIA SO I DIDN’T ANSWER. BUT I CHECKED MY E-MAIL TO SEE IF THERE WAS SOME KIND OF MESSAGE… EXPECTING TROUBLE BECAUSE OF MY TRANSFER OF MONEY TO CIBC…THERE IT WAS… AN E-MAIL FROM *OFX*!!! IT WAS KIRSTY FROM OFX, CALLING TO THANK ME PERSONALLY FOR MY REVIEW AND THE POSITIVE POSTS ON TWTR! IMAGINE? OFX CALLED ALL THE WAY FROM AUSTRALIA TO THANK ME! I, OF COURSE, REPLIED IMMEDIATELY (SINCE IT WAS ALREADY 10.30 MONDAY MORNING THERE). I’M TRULY IN AWE! AFTER ALL THE BULL-SHIT HELL SOC.SEC., DIRECT EXPRESS AND COMERICA HAVE PUT ME THROUGH… TO BE THANKED FOR SOMETHING THAT COMES TO EASILY FROM THE HEART. I AM IN AWE… TRULY AND HONESTLY.*** It’s changed my entire attitude toward SO much, to be treated like a real human being. – And so, I told Mme. who of course, isn’t at all impressed. But.. fuck her anyway. – And so, a little more tele and it was off to bed for the house-hold. – Went to get a glass of water in the kitchen sink and it’s stuffed with pots and pans and bowls. The rest is in the dish-washer of course. Let’s see how much of her mess she cleans up. Oh, and there was no mention of the extra wood I’d brought in for her and her cronies tonight. But of course, there wouldn’t be. I don’t know why I mention it any more. It’s almost completely to the point where it doesn’t phase me because I no longer even think about “gratitude” from these in-bred shit-bags. – And so, now, ’tis time to enjoy a drink and some REAL tele and off to sleep again. Tomorrow evening… FREEDOM! for a few days.
Mon.15.Jan: (MLK day… bull-shit). 7.41 It’s rather as if she’s a timer. 7.00 and B-BANG! CRUNCH. SCRAPE. BBBBANG! AT THE HEAD OF THE BED. Yes, yet another reason to find more suitable living conditions of peace, particularly in the morning. – But I’m up and dressed and at the table, and looking forward to this evening when I can shower and get back into bed. I’m tired this morning. Another cold, crisp morning, clear skies. Tah-fucking-dah. A bit of head-ache as well. Always such a delight. Such a delight, indeed. – But I slept through the night. Can’t complain about that, I suppose. Let us be thankful for the smallest of gifts. – 24.42 WHAT a fucking DAY! By 9.00 I was with Mme. and Mimou at the vets. Poor Mimou couldn’t pee this morning and Mme. noticed it, rang the vet and they made an emergency intake. Of course, because Mme. had returned or gotten rid of the GOOD carrier, I had to take the old, filthy, frozen one and get poor Mimou into it. I held him on my lap (since the fucking carrier – “I don’t know what happened to the good one.” – doesn’t close properly. Well… I kept saying it was probably a UTI… Does anybody listen to me? Nope. What came of it? UTI. But I got to meet “Sheryl” the vet who, although she does MAGNIFICENT and MIRACULOUS work, is a bitch… just like the other fucking qunts in this state. It’s a “female problem” in Vermont. They get a job and suddenly they’re amazing Amazonians. Fucking twats. But and so, Mimou has been given something for pain and an antibiotic. – Of REAL NOTE: As we were in the vet’s, Mme. picked-up Mimou and held him… AND SHE CRIED! DEAR GOD SWEET JESUS SHE CRIED! SHE LOVES HIM SO MUCH! Admittedly, I have to say, it’s changed much of my view of her. That she’s SO loving with little Mimou! It truly broke her heart to have to leave him. They mentioned keeping him until Thrusday and she IMMEDIATELY said that I’d drive her to work so I can have the truck and bring him home tomorrow! Yep… there we have it. Quite remarkable… and admirable. – Mme. and I came back to the house and I proceeded to clip the “Xmas tree” after she n-decorated it. Hand pruners and loppers… Mme. napped and showered and I burned the clippings in the stove. Ah… the fun bit? She’s standing there, in the loo, at the washer, in stocking feet and she says to me “You have your shoes on, ready to go?” I had to take her to work, but for HER to say such a thing? Really! Anyway… off we went… AND SHE DROVE AND STOPPED AT THE VET’S BEFORE GOING TO WORK TO SEE HOW MIMOU WAS DOING. (The UTI confirmed… of course.) – So she drove to work… almost slammed into some traffic on the 89 but we made it. I made sure she made it into the house and took off… STAPLES… Got a thumb-drive for a boot-drive for the lap-top… then went to Michael’s thinking I could get some foam to make my own pillows but got 2 skeins of yarn to make scarves instead (1 for me and 1 for Mme…. there’s going to be extra I think but it was on sale… 14$ none-the-less.) So I dropped Mme. at the house at about 17.30 and did my shopping and stopped in Winooski for 40$ in gas (which she gave me) and came back to the house by about 19.30. Fed Ms. Hallie, tossed a tin of my shells on a roll with some cheese (“meal”) and believe it or not, cleaned up ALL of the Xmas tree! (After my v-ton, I actually cut it to size, in the kitchen… fire-wood… done deal!) – The boot-drive took the better part of THREE FUCKING HOURS to complete but it’s now done. I watched TV with Ms. Hallie who’s showing signs of missing her Mimou until it was done. And THEN… OFF TO THE SHOWER AND CLOTHES IN THE MACHINE (especially because of the sap on the jeans from the tree) AND … IT’S NOW… 24.59… The wash is washing, I’ve had 2 v-tons (and might have another). And this day is DONE. – Oh yes… I HAD to send texts to Mme., of course, to let her know I returned OK. (I did so rather late and blamed it on coming in and getting the tree done… including a photo, of course.) – And tonight, it’s quite nicely warm in the house and I haven’t touched the thermostat! But it’s almost bitter out-side. – PS: There’s another kitty in the barn! Mme. is thinking of taking it in and to the shelter… I’m convincing her it’s fine where it is. We shall see. But in NO manner is she going to adopt. (Nor, for that matter, am I.)
Tue.16.Jan: 9.30 and I’m functioning on about 5 hours’ sleep. Didn’t get to “sleep” until almost 3.00 this morning, and was up and about by 8.00 with the normal routine of the day. How? I don’t know, considering 2 v-tons and a naproxyn before bed. Tooth-ache, mostly. And it must have snowed ever so lightly during that time because the truck is dusted this morning. – Still waiting to hear word about Mimou. I wonder if they’re not planning on keeping him until Thursday. Before bed this morning, I did some research into feline UTI. Seems vets keep them “for a couple of days”. But of course, I won’t be told about anything. I do the research, investigating, and if/when I relay the information, it’s blown away. Oh well. I’ve got a couple of “errands” I’d like to attend during the day. So if I don’t hear by some time in the after-noon, I’ll be on the road. ME. It’s a notion I’ve not considered before. But as Ev said: It’s time to do some good for you. Indeed. – Meanwhile… a nap would be nice (already this morning). – 23.06! In bed! At last! And Mimou sleeping in his bed, behind mine, next to the chimney. (I moved his bed to be closer to the chimney where he’ll get the warmth from it.) And it was QUITE a day! – At 12.21 came the “text”: “I just called the vets & Mr.kitty is fine can be picked up 1. I didn’t get the spacifics as the receptionist didn’t know & they where in surgery. I asked about the can at food & she said they don’t sell it so I don’t if you can pick any up till I can get some on Thurs.” I was in the midst of getting me and the house together, as I usually am when she’s not about. I’d cleaned the wood-stove and was about to get to the rest of the place but… it was “Drop Everything” and get to cleaning his carrier (which needed cleaning and which I was going to get to along the way.) More messages followed and I actually HAD to say “How about: I’ going to get his food before picking him up so that gives everybody more than enough time to settle accounts so I’m not sitting there for an hour with them… waiting… and waiting… and waiting… and… etc.” Came the reply: “Yes I will call them now & hopefully get that settled so you can just bring him home.” I was out the door shortly after 14.15. No shower. – Off to Enosburgh to Ace Hardware where I got 2 pairs of jeans… NOT the style I wanted… “tapered” leg instead of “straight” but they didn’t have the “straight” leg and I wasn’t sure what the ones they had were, but I thought “best get what I can now whilst I may” since ALL of my jeans are worn-through at this point. It was lightly snowing when I came out of there and I was off to Hannaford’s to get Mimou-food. Thankfully, “Fancy Feast”, the recommended food to avoid UTI’s, was on sale at 10 tins for 6$! I got 20 tins (and a box of “Funny Bones” and some “cherry pies” for my evening snacks). All came off the Soc.Sec. card! Next… the Dollar Store where I hoped to get little glass bowls for Mimou’s food and water… but no… none. How-ever, I DID break down and get a 5$ jug of “GAIN” for my laundry… so it smells clean for a change, and a small bottle of Lysol (for the kitchen floor, since Mme. doesn’t bother with such things as “cleaners”… since she doesn’t clean and probably wouldn’t anyway). And… from there… I was off to Highgate and Mr. Mimou! – I got to the “vets” by about 16.00 to find that they’d put him into some carrier already. What a fucking mess! *I* was the one who’d brought him in, in his old carrier but they insisted that THEY knew better than I and that “she” (Jacquie) had brought him in in the one they’d put him into. Ah… so they HAD to phone her to confirm, with her, that she hadn’t brought the carrier. Well.. they transferred him into HIS carrier and were “necessarily polite” with me for a moment and I was out, into the truck and Mimou was on his way back “home” at last! Poor little guy. He seemed so tired, but we “chatted” all the way back. – When I got him into the house, he seemed bedraggled. I got my things out of the truck and immediately got to getting him something to eat. It was about 16.30 but Ms. Hallie got her dinner too. Both of them devoured their dinners! Poor Mimou! He’s been so used to unlimited food all day, but now that he’s on tinned… and I’m sure they didn’t bother to feed him… and probably not at all, all day. So much for… well… it’s to be expected: Nobody thinks of any-thing nor any-body other than themselves around here. But thankfully, Mimou and Hallie finally got to eat! It was MY turn and I was quite hungry by this time. I tossed some pasta into a pot, added a tin of Progresso lentils with roasted veggies which was primarily water (disgusting but food) and sat on the recliner to partake… 17.30! The day was shot! – That done, I snoozed for about 40 minutes… exhausted. Got up, went to the store for ice cream, crisps and tonic for this evening. (Should have gotten bread and such but wasn’t thinking at the time. Oh well….) Came back, had my ice cream and moved Momou’s bed to the chimney where he could get the warmth, instead of being on the floor. I washed the sheet that he’d had, and I’d used in his carrier, and put it back for him, put the bed up off the floor onto a milk crate from the porch. He was hesitant at first but eventually figured it all out and settled into it. – All the while… messages from Mme.! – It was about 22.30 when I FINALLY got to the shower and to close the day. By then, I was too damned tired to actually enjoy a thorough shower but got me clean enough for bed any-way… The day… DONE! Time for an episode of “Catsdown”, as it’s now called by Susie Dent on Twtr. – As I note this all, it’s 25° in the room… Mimou moved to the floor… I suppose the chimney is a bit “too” warm for him, but at least he’s got the choice and a nice, warm place to rest… should he need it. Winter’s only just begun and I’m sure he’ll appreciate the warmth at some point. – This day is… a wrap! I’ve made it through another one!
We.17.Jan: 10.01 IT WAS A MORNING/NIGHT OF UNADULTERATED HELL AND MISERY!!! INCREDIBLY HELL, MISERY AND PAIN!!! LOWER RIGHT… WHERE THE CROWNS WENT, A HOLE, A DEEP HOLE THAT I’D NOT NOTICED UNTIL, AT ABOUT 2.00 THIS MORNING, WHEN I JUST COULDN’T TAKE THE PAIN ANY LONGER, I WENT TO THE LOO AND STUFFED IT WITH THE TOOTH-ACHE GEL… WHICH NO LONGER WORKS, SO I LEARNT THE HARDEST WAY: BY HOPING AND BEING SORELY (“SORELY”) DISAPPOINTED! I’D TRIED PULLING, BUT AS I LAID ON THE BED IN THE DARK, I STARTED TO DOZE OFF AND DRIBBLED COCONUT OIL ON MY ARM AND PILLOW! (THANKFULLY, NOT TOO MUCH.) SO I GOT UP, WENT TO THE LOO, RINSED THOROUGHLY AND BRUSHED HEAVILY. IT RELIEVED THE PAIN… FOR MERE MOMENTS WHEN I WAS BACK IN THE LOO, RINSING AGAIN. THAT’S WHEN I DECIDED… THE TERMPORARY FILLING SHIT! AH YES. I HAD SOME… AND STUFFED A CONSDERABLE QUANTITY INTO THE HOLE IN MY JAW. NEXT STEP WAS A NAPROXYN. OK? OK! ONE WOULD THINK THAT WITH THE V-TON EARLIER, THAT WOULD DO THE TRICK? NOPE. THE THROBBING CONTINUED UNTIL I JUST COULDN’T STAY AWAKE ANY LONGER FROM UTTER EXHAUSTION. I DON’T KNOW WHAT TIME IT WAS, BUT I MANAGED TO PASS OUT AND TO “SLEEP”… UNTIL… THE 7.00 ALARM SOUNDED, AND I HALF-WOKE, IN SUCH PAIN, MOSTLY FROM HEAD-ACHE BUT WITH THE REMNANTS OF THIS MORNING’S TOOH-ACHE. PAIN!!! AWFUL! AND NAUSEATING TOO. I TRIED TO GET A BIT MORE REST, HOPING TO BE ABLE TO DOZE BACK TO SLEEP… NO SUCH LUCK. THE 7.30 ALARM… REPEAT THE PAIN, REPEAT THE DOZE UNTIL… 8.00 ALARM AND MIMOU. SO… BY 8.15 I WAS UP, HAD MY COFFEE AND HEADED TO THE KITCHEN TO RE-START THE FIRE AND LET HALLIE OUT WHILST I FUMBLED WITH MIMOU’S MEDS AND BREAKFAST. (THANKFULLY, THE TABLETS ARE SCORED SO THE HALF WAS A SNAP, THE WHOLE BECAME QUARTERS AND ALL GOT MIXED INTO A TIN OF FOOD… WHICH IS, AT THIS TIME, ALMOST GONE, THANKFULLY). – BY NOW, HALLIE WAS BACK AND IT WAS BREAKFAST FOR HER. THAT SERVED, I GOT TO PEE… AND DRESS… AND OUT THE DOOR TO FILL AND HANG THE TWO BIRD FEEDERS, AND THE GARBAGE GOT TAKEN TO THE CURB. ABOUT 8.30 OR SO ALREADY. SO I STROLLED ACROSS TO THE POST OFFICE… LAST NIGHT THE “TRACKING” INDICATED THAT MY UNDER-WEAR ARRIVED YESTERDAY AT 14.30 SO? FUCK! YES, IT WAS EARLY, BUT THESE FUCKING MORONS NEVER GAVE ME A BREAK IN THE MORNING SO… OFF I WENT. AH HAH!!! NO LITTLE YELLOW CARD IN THE BOX! Ms. LISA WANTS TO PULL BULL-SHIT M’THINKST. SO I WENT TO THE COUNTER AND INDEED, THE LITTLE PACKAGE WAS THERE, ON A TABLE. “I DON’T REMEMBER SEEING ANYTHING FOR YOU.” SAYS SHE. “IS IT A SMALL PARCEL OR LARGE?” SHE HAD THE FUCKING THING IN HER HAND!!! “OH YEAH, HERE IT IS.” SHE JOTTED THE TRACKING NUMBER ON A BIT OF PAPER CLAIMING IT WAS TOO EARLY TO SCAN IT AND WE HAD A CIVIL CHAT FOR A MOMENT OR TWO AND I LEFT… NOT TOO CONFIDENT WITH THE SERVICE AND PONDERING A CALL OF COMPLAINT WHICH I KNOW WILL DO NO GOOD. SHEPOINTED OUT THAT THE PACKAGE ARRIVED VIA “UPS”, MAKING IT KNOWN THAT IT WASN’T “USPS”. I’VE NO DOUBT SHE WAS ABOUT TO (IF SHE HADN’T ALREADY) SCAN IT “RETURN”. HEY! I DON’T KNOW WHY IT WAS SHIPPED UPS AND ARRIVED USPS. I’M SURE STEINMART PAID FOR THE EXTRA SERVICE. I’VE AN URGE TO NOTIFY THEM TOO, AND LET THEM KNOW WHAT THEY’RE DEALING WITH… AND A CALL TO UPS AS WELL. LET THEM KNOW IT’S A “SHEDRICK RULE” TO SEND ITEMS BACK. AND BACK TO THE HOUSE TO CHECK THE MERCHANDISE AND PUT IT, WITH JAMMIES AND BED-THINGS, INTO THE WASHER (WITH “GAIN”). – NEXT ITEM ON THE AGENDA: FIRE-WOOD FOR THE KITCHEN… AND OUT TO THE GARAGE TO PULL THE “STACK SIDES” TO THE KITCHEN DOOR. IT’S DOWN TO THAT WOOD NOW. THERE’S QUITE A BIT OF IT, BUT IT’S DOWN TO ALMOST THE MINIMUM. NO PROB. UNTIL MIMOU DECIDED TO BOLT OUT AND UNDER THE STEPS!!! HEY! NO PROB THERE EITHER. EVENTUALLY, HE’D COME BACK (OR NOT) BUT THERE WAS NOTHING I COULD DO EXCEPT… CONTINUE HAULING WOOD… WHICH IS WHAT I DID… 6 CHAIRS-FULL! BUT THE WOOD GOT HAULED AND STACKED. THE GARAGE FLOOR AND KITCHEN FLOOR GOT SWEPT. THE MORNING LAUNDRY GOT DONE AND NOW? WITH THE DULL THROBBING IN MY JAW, MY BODY FEELING GENERALLY ABUSED, NEEDING A BM, HAVING SECOND COFFEE AT LONG LAST… THE DRYER HAS STOPPED AND THE WASHER IS WASHING THE GREEN JACKET, MIMOU IS IN HIS LITTLE BED, HALLIE IS ON “HER” BED AND… THE DAY? NOT TOO COLD, BUT QUITE GREY AND ME? I NEED TO GET INTO ENOSBURGH AGAIN, RITE AID, AND HOPE THEY’VE GOT MORE TOOTH-SHIT. MORE FUCKING MONEY OUT THE DOOR. (I SUPPOSE I MUST BE HAPPY AND THANKFUL TO HAVE THE FUNDS TO GET WHAT I NEED FOR THIS SHIT… I AM… BUT I’M NOT… BUT I AM.) – Another fucking jolly-ho-ho-joyful-spiffy-keen-peachy-delightful-fucking-bollocksed day in fucking shit-hole joyful-jingle In-Fucking-Breed Fuckall. – KADIMA! – 11.44, bed things washed and dried. The new under-wear washed and dried and “fine”. My green jacket is washed and dried and smelling nice. And the flannel blanket that I use on warmer nights is washed and drying. – A message or 2 from Mme. And the phone’s been ringing and ringing and ringing and no messages! THAT shit started at about 8.30 this morning! Fucking morons. – My jaw is still throbbing and I need to get into Enosburgh again… for dental shit! (And maybe another bottle of vodka, though I’m not too sure about that bit. There’s still some left of the last bottle. I don’t know if having it will be any good for my “tooth” situation. But I’ll decide… as the day goes along.) – 11.52 Caught-up with the journal and laundry… tooth throbbing and I’m going to TRY for a SNOOZE! Why? Because I’m caught-up (for now). Still need to get to the Hoover and floors and into town, but it can wait. I need a snooze! – 22.54 SHOWERED AND BACK IN BED AT LAST! – Today, I managed an hour of nap-time… MUCH needed when the throbbing stopped at long last. And so, as for any sort of “accomplishments” after the morning “chores”… I got the usual paths shovelled to the truck and “post office” path and then pretty much took it rather easy for the rest of the day until about 16.00 when I decided that I’d RUN over to Walmarde… for tooth-ache supplies. Yes, indeed. Of note: as I pulled round onto the Highgate Street, old Dickie Cooper was in his drive and saw the truck go by. I’ve NO doubt there’s going to be some mention of that… I’ll hope not, because there’ll be something *I’LL* have to say. But, we’ll just lay low until. – Got to Walmarde at about 16.30 and picked-up TWO tubes of tooth-ache gel (one of which didn’t hit the scanner… not my fault and not intentional, it just didn’t), TWO “Dent-Temp” sort of fillers, a new bottle of eye-drops (because they’re actually helping and now that I’ve another, I can use them as needed), a glass bowl for me, instead of the ceramic one I’ve been using, a little glass bowl for Mimou’s water, a little Melmac plate for Mimou’s food, a schpritz bottle so I can put some kind of stuff into it and schpritz the carpet in this room to make it more “safe” to walk on in bare feet, AND… 24 MORE TINS OF “FancyFeast” food for Mimou! Yes indeed. Instead of the 60 cents per at Hannaford’s, they came to only 55 cents. Hey… save where we can and make certain Mimou has food (even if he doesn’t like it and is all but refusing to eat it… but I’m not letting that bother me because, well, had he still been in the barn or else-where, he’d be eating what-ever came along). I was there for about an hour and returned to feed the brood and me. Pasta with the other tin of those lentils and vegetables. Though tonight, I put butter, salt and pepper in and it wasn’t too bad. Finished the ice cream and the container went into the stove. Tah-dah. – Sat on the recliner to watch a bit of tele and Mimou got comfy on my lap and I dozed for perhaps an hour again. It was time to wrap the day when I woke, so the dishes all got put up, Hallie out to pinkle… and by about 22.00 I was in the shower, the last of the clothes in the washer (they’re drying as I type) and I ran the washer through with a little of Mme.’s detergent to take out the scent of my Gain. – Just in from my smoke, a v-ton at bed-side. I scrubbed my teeth before the shower. Last night’s “filling” is still there. There’s a slight “discomfort” and so, I took a naproxyn already. If we get to Costco tomorrow, I’ll have to get more. – My pondering now is explaining how I’ve managed to do my shopping with-out divulging the Soc.Sec. Perhaps a “I had it in the account and decided to get what I needed instead of waiting any longer.” I don’t know. Fucking shame when you feel you just can’t be honest with people. But that’s how it is… so I’ve learnt here. – Oddly, on the road to and from Walmarde I thought of how well I know the shortest routes, the back roads and such around here. 6 fucking years in this shit-hole state and 4 fucking years in this shit-hole colon-town and I know my way around. Soon, I’ll be re-learning in another place. But, there, I’ll be on the “home soil”… ready to die. Quite a difference. Still, who would have ever imagined I’d know my way around this state? I’ve been many places and learnt many things about many people in my life-time. I suppose it’s been OK… at least, in that respect anyway. – And so, the dryer beeps the end of the cycle. The house is still quite the mess. The kitchen floor was swept but not mopped and the room here needs a Hoovering. Tomorrow… Hopefully Mme. will be going to her “CPR” and won’t be ready until 13.30 as she’d claimed in a text. I’ll get the house-work done in the morning. – Now… a bit of “Catsdown” and PLEASE… PLEASE… PLEASE… A NIGHT OF SLEEP!!!! FUCKING SHIT FUCK. PLEASE!!!
Thu.18.Jan: 10.44 JUST FINISHING THIS MORNING’S CHORES. Woke, against my will and better judgement, at 8.05, having slept through the night (thankfully, for a change). Took a naproxyn, of course. And at the moment my eyes opened, it was time to BOLT from the bed. Coffee, stove, breakfasts, Hallie out and I had to wait for her to return. Next, Hoovering the house. Next, mopping the floor. And in between, trying to make “sense” out of the mayhem that has become this room. Well… it’s done and I’m having my second coffee at last. Of course, I HAD TO SEND A MESSAGE TO Mme. ASKING WHERE AND WHEN SHE WANTS TO BE RETREIVED TODAY. Thankfully, 13.30. But then she ends it with “Could you bring Ms. Hallie the ladies love to see her.” FUCK OFF! No. I don’t give a hit about “the ladies”. They’re being provide for and truthfully, I’m not a taxi service for them. If you’d gone to work as usual, “the ladies” wouldn’t see her anyway. – I’m going to add that there are 31 tins of cat food now… ALL purchased by ME (yet again). 2$ per tin of tuna for a couple 100$ before. Hot-dog treats for Hallie… on me. And no, Mimou doesn’t like this “new food”. But… BUT… this shit had better NOT go to Liz or anybody else for that matter because… well… this pandering bull-shit has come to an end and I’m not very happy about having had to spend MY LIMITED resources this way. Alas. Oh well… That’s that. – Meanwhile, I’m about ready to go back to bed. But… nope. But I’ve closed the door to the room. Let the brood fend for its self this morning. I’m in no mood. And there’s still food, with meds, in the little cage in the kitchen and Mimou keeps meowing at me. Hungry? Eat what’s there or starve. I don’t have the compassion this morning. – It’s like that every morning when I know the bull-shit is about to return. As I thought this morning, mopping the kitchen floor: It makes little or no difference whether I clean or not… it won’t take but moments and the place will be shit again. And I continue to think about Mme.’s “holiday dinner” (which I did not participate) and how the place WAS clean for “them” and yet… I’m “persona non grata” around here. Fuck off. – One day… soon, I hope, I’ll be able to attend to MY place and keep it, at the very least, orderly. Oh, that that day comes soon. – 20.06 WELL! Just waking from a “nap” that I laid down for at about 16.00. The house is rather empty. A note on the kitchen table “I had to go for singing practice”. OK. And a 20… probably reimbursement for the cat food that I’d bought. What-ever. But there’s a bucket and a plastic tote in the white room, on the floor, on the “wet” floor. Hmmm…. I wonder what THAT’S all about. I think it’s the Twats’ kitchen? Or their loo. What-ever. At least it didn’t happen when I was here alone. “Schadenfreude” strikes. – Meanwhile, I woke with quite the chest pains. Not the heart. More toward the breast. Gas? Perhaps. – And so… yes indeed, I made the trip to BTV after having had a lovely shower and putting on clean clothes. Made EXCELLENT time too! Even in spite of having to wait a bit on the Bushey rd. for a tanker that was having the toughest time backing into one of the farms there. Poor fellow. I really must feel sorry for him… to a point. AND I managed to stop in Winooski (exit 16) for 15$ in gas! (That fucking card… can’t pay at the pump with “debit”… The shit… I had to go in and pay with it. Fucking nonsense.) Left the hole here at about 12.20 and arrived, even with the delays, at about 13.20! And she was ready to go, in the time it took to have a smoke. Hey! We stopped at Petco for 6 tins of the really good Purina food and she bought Mimou a little scratcher-thingie and asked if there was any place I wanted to go to before leaving. I mentioned going to Goodwill for a flannel sheet but decided against it… primarily because it was my “nap” time, which I didn’t mention but I was rather tired anyway, and so, I drove back up. – We got in, she got settled, immediately, in her recliner and I came to the room where I went for my “lie-down” and that was the end of this day… until now. – And now? Hallie and Mimou were alone. I’ve got the door open now. The stove is nice and warm, as is the house, for that matter. When I stepped out onto the porch for my smoke, I noticed the truck was gone. (Good thing I put gas into it?) Looking through the kitchen window, I noticed the note and 20 on the table. Coming back in, I went to read the note and to get a glass of water, re-fill Hallie’s water bowl. Mimou’s food from breakfast is still in his dish. It’s pissing me off a bit. He managed on chipmunks and such in the barn. This is “good” food and he won’t eat it… not to mention the meds. Oh well… it’s as I told Mme. today: He’ll get hungry enough soon. No sense in trying all sorts of stuff for him. – And now, Hallie’s in the parlour, Mimou is in his little bed and the house is in silence. The day has rolled to night and we’ll see where the night rolls to. – Mme. left with several slamming doors and the likes, but if there’s a leak in the ceiling in the white room… I suppose it was a tantrum of some sort. WHAT-EVUH.
Fri.19.Jan: 6.48 and sitting at the table, lap-top, dressed, coffee, smoke, porch door open and away we go. Why? Probably because of the extended nap of yesterday after-noon and no v-ton before bed last night. But there’s that “lump” in the chest again this morning and a slight throbbing in the lower LEFT teeth. How charming. And the delightful thoughts of the morning: (a) I have to report Soc.Sec. to FS and (b) as of the 24th of this month, I’ve got enough cash to cover the cost of my cremation. Well then indeed, a most delightful morning. Charmed, I’m sure. – Oh well. At least I’ve ordered jeans that I actually like. I can be cremated in them… one pair, at least. – As for the rest of the day? I’ve been “delegated” the chore of feeding Mimou… “I’ll let you feed him in the morning because I’m not sure how you get the medications in his food.” No, you’re “not sure”… not to mention, you’re in a little battle because of not following orders with meds at work. Oh well. And there’s the wood-stove, which might not be stoked today because it’s not as cold as has been of late. Not yet above “freezing”, but the house has been warmer of late because of the rise in temperature. And surely, there will be the need to stack more wood, if the stove is, indeed, used. We’re burning the side-stack wood now, the smaller pieces, and she’s a great one for throwing wood into the stove willie-nillie. Oh yes, and there’s the cleaning. No doubt THAT will come along and, of course, yours truly will be doing that. I shouldn’t complain… and I won’t, of course. Why bother. It does absolutely no good. – So… that all typed neatly on a new day… let’s see what else will come of it all. (And I do have to file my finger nails. They’re getting annoyingly long again.) – Of life… what a fuck. – 19.17 I had some of the roast with string beans, mashed potatoes and olives tonight! Of course I did. Because I brought the franks in from the porch. Yes, the beef was delicious! Angus, of course. But the teeth-brushing and swishing and rinsing after? Exhausting. MUST make certain to leave nothing behind, lest I get no sleep tonight with pain. – Dishes are in the washer though… I did that much. – As for the rest of the day? I started a scarf with the yarn I just got. Had to roll it all into a ball though… no start. Do I like it? Probably not. But I got the chain and 2 rows done. We shall see. – Right now I’m ready for sleep. Nap? I don’t know. But sleep. – Mme. and brood are in the parlour, TV on. She’s almost sleeping. I think I’m about to “lie down”. – 21.18 Day is done. All are heading for bed. At long, long last. And “we’ve” made it. No arguments and about 2 hours total “in company”. – I got the finger nails filed. Not well, but done. Toes are next. Tomorrow… because tomorrow’s going to be “difficult”… since she’ll be in with nothing to do. Me? I’ll find something… even if naps. – Debating about a v-ton before bed tonight. Last night I watched the “tele” (lap-top) with the ear-buds, but no beverage. Tonight, no munchies at all. After dinner this evening, I brushed and rinsed my teeth so there shouldn’t be any cause for tooth-ache and at about 20.00 I took a naproxyn. Maybe a v-ton will help (or not). Maybe I will… – Have had the iPod playing most of the evening, whether I was here or not. Melanie is now singing. 1461 tunes on the thing. About 4,5 days’ worth of music. Imagine? And it’s almost nothing compared to what I had. – Today I thought of the money I gave to my sister, especially when her husband wasn’t supporting her. To know that it came to what it is these days… and to think of how many have NO idea… they believe me to be evil… so much that I don’t deserve mention in Michael’s obit nor “father’s”. Well indeed… indeed. (I should look to find Mum’s and see, since I had no control over that either… They took it ALL away… YEARS ago already. Well, “evil” begets “evil”. Poison in the drinking water and such. I need to rid my life of this. I thought I’d do that when I came to VT. It followed me. Ah, but at least Dorothy isn’t shoving it at me. Though she’s not making too much effort at keeping too much in touch. Maybe I should try to give her a call one of these days… perhaps next week. I’ll ponder.) – And on that, I’m going to slip out to the porch. Smoke. And it will be time to settle down for the night. Tomorrow? It will be what it will be and we won’t know anything until it’s over. – And “Voyage” sings “Souvenirs”… I had NO idea back then… 1978… “Voyage” and “Souvenirs”… they’re all here now… 40 years later… 40 fucking years! – (Disco music is painful.)
Sat.20.Jan: 8.36 Woke to the 8.00 alarm and dozed for a few more moments, got up, dressed, coffee and went to the kitchen where Mme. said she’d fed Mimou already, “They were out… under the porch.” and then got on the phone to ring-up another plumber. She’s having quite the time of finding one. This one is a “recommended by Rick Jones”. Oh yeah. THAT’S “promising”… not. Oddly (not really), I over-heard that she really doesn’t know, for certain, what or where the leak up-stairs is… and she won’t go up to find out. I wonder why. I wonder: is she afraid of them? I mean, it seems to go WAY beyond “respect for privacy” at this point. And all the while I keep thinking that, no matter what the situation, I’m capable of making repairs. I’ve even said as much in the past. I’m not fond of electrics, but I can do plumbing. And she’ll pay a plumber… BUT, the reason I won’t do or offer is because she WILL pay THEM, but if I do it, the work will be taken for granted, and I’ve done more than my share of that and no more. Oh well… Not my circus. Not my monkeys. “Speaking words of wisdom: let it be.” – As for the day ahead, grey, breezy and not so cold as it is… I’ve little things to do to keep “busy”. Crochet. Sketching Lembrook. And going through my “Minds” accounts. (Got somebody from Twtr on last night… “500 points” on my “Author” account. For all the good that is.) “Busy” stuff. – Feeling a bit “run-down” this morning. Wheezing and a bit of a stiff neck. But other-wise… a “normal” morning. And so… on we go. – 23.50 and nothing to say about this day that I spent in the room, gleaning social media accounts and eating 4 franks. The day is done. No arguments. That’s all I can say. And now? A smoke, an episode of Catsdown and hopefully a night’s sleep. – Fuck.
Sun.21.Jan: 21.07 At 8.24 I got out of bed. I’d put out the lights at about 3.00 this morning and couldn’t break the one-quarter sleep through the few hours. And I woke… as I noted in the loo: “REALLY TERRIBLY HORRIBLE OOD DIDNT SLEEP AT ALL THRU THE NIGHT. LIGHTS OUT AFTER 2, UP AT 8 TO PILL MIMOU. SHED CRUSHED THEM IN MILK. COULDN’T WAIT. NERVED SHOT ALL TO HELL. JUST HELL THIS MORNING. SICK FROM IT ALL. SCRATCHED BLEEDING NEED TO SHIT. JUST HELL. JUST HELL.”
I took it out on the cat! I was in a horrid mood, tired and burning with fatigue. I took it out on Jacquie. But Mimou got the worst of it and I felt like utter and complete shit! Worse! It was Hell continued. I took a few tissues, stuffed them between my bleeding fingers from where the poor cat clawed to get away from me. To get away from me. I love him so much and yet… I came back into the room and laid down, door close. At about 10.15 I went out. Mme. was gone to church. I picked up Mimou and brought him into the room, we laid down. I dozed. He stayed… and purred. The remember and yet forgive so quickly. I still felt like shit. I still do. He left. She came back. I got up, closed the door to the room and went to sleep, fully clothed… until almost 16.00. It was HELL! – I went out to apologise for the out-burst. It was almost all but dismissed and we had a burger for dinner. I had a 7and 7. We watched TV. The day had never happened. Except in me. I HATE me for it. But then, I HATE me generally. – And now, all are retired for the day. This day has passed into the night. It happened. It’s the “past” now. But it’s about to remain the present. I took it out on the cat! I’m a fucking waste. – Tomorrow in Monday… I don’t care what the calendar says, tomorrow is just a continuation of today. – I just came in from a smoke. I stand at the porch window, the bottom sill at about my knee, the top of the window about 1 foot above my head. If I were high enough, I’d simply lean forward and out. I wonder what the velocity of my body would be in free-fall and how high I’d actually have to be to be disintegrated on impact below. But here, even with the perfect window, falling the few feet would do no damage, save, of course, perhaps, back injury and I’d be an invalid, still alive. Tonight, the burden is heavy… the burden of simply existing. I’m a complete shit… useless. I’m tired again. My teeth ache slightly, on the left side tonight. I don’t deserve pain… I deserve to stop existing. I’m a completely useless shit. –
https : // http://www.reddit.com/r/morbidquestions/comments/353emg/how_did_people_hit_the_ground_when_they_jumped/
[–]JohnApples1988 11 points 2 years ago*
From jumping to impact was about 9 seconds. It was literally over before they could process what was going on. There might have been a brief “oh fuck” moment but that’s it. And death on impact. The way that you are sitting here, rationally trying to wrap your head around what it would feel like, takes way longer than the falls themselves did. Hell, it probably took you longer to read this post than the falls did.
A parachuter in free-fall will hit the ground at approximately 130mph.
21.48 THIS is what I’m thinking of tonight. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JzKI9TBR-XQ)
Mon.22.Jan: 7.30 Delightfully awakened to the sounds of “clang-clang, crunch-crunch, scrape-scrape, thung” at about 6.30. Another marvellous New England morning. First one up makes certain that every other person in the county is awake as well. But at least this morning, I’m not as tired as yesterday, and I’ve got the presence of mind to tell myself that I WILL be in a BETTER mood. And I managed to get my morning smoke in… peacefully. No telling what awaits beyond the door of this little room. I shall resolve to brush it all off and certainly not let it all get to me. Today is Monday. Jeans are due to arrive and this evening, I’ve the house to me (and the critters). All will be… well… all will be. And this is “pay-week”. Transfer of money to the “caliphate” as I’ve come to know Canada, the land I once dreamt of being a part of but not so much any longer. – I’ve got a bit of head-ache. Tension mostly. But that’s a “normal” morning. So I suppose all is as all should be. Oh, to go back to bed, to sleep, to escape. Oh just to. But ’tis not to be and so? As the little flakes drop from the grey morning sky… it begins. – Odd, but the carrier’s car is already parked in front of the post office across the road. It was there before 7.30. I got written-up for being at work early. I got written-up for working late. The “point” is ever so clear and serves only to increase the bilious hatred I have for this place. Well, there’s money to be hoarded and a car to sell, another to purchase and a move to be made. Money first. The rest will follow. Certainly not easily. But it will all come to pass, as everything else has done over the years. Time… patience… time. – 22.08 In bed at last and SHOWERED! – THE JEANS CAME TODAY AND GOT WASHED AND THEY’RE PERFECT! (Mme. was told they’re a gift from Daughter. I don’t care any longer. I’ve learnt from the pros here.) And I’m tired. I checked on-line for the delivery status of the jeans at about 10.15 and yes, they were ready for pick-up… at 9.30. SO MUCH FOR THE BULL-SHIT I HEARD ABOUT THE UNDER-WEAR: “I HAVE TO WAIT TO SCAN THE BAR CODE BEFORE SCANNING THE PARCELS.” AND “IT CAME UPS Y’KNOW.” YEAH, SHE’S PROVEN THAT SHE WAS ABOUT TO RETURN THEM! THE LITTLE BITCH-CUNT. CAUGHT IN HER LIES. FUCKING SHAME NOBODY PAYS ANY ATTENTION TO THIS. BUT MY MOMENT WILL COME. – This evening, because I didn’t bother to go to the store for munchies, I tried baking some potatoes in the wood-stove whilst I showered. No, it didn’t quite work. I’d wrapped 4 small ones in foil and put them into the stove. When I went to removed them, the foil had burnt through and they fell into the ash. I managed to retrieve them, but upon opening them, the centres were well-cooked, but the outer part was almost solid. Well, it didn’t work well, I had a bit of potato. But, I tried. – And now, I’m having a Tea, a naproxyn and Cats. Let’s see how the night goes. (It’s later than I’d planned on being in bed… at 21.00). – Mme. left at about 14.00 or so and I’d gone down for an hour’s nap. I was, in fact, extremely tired! It’s like that when she leaves: I just NEED to sleep. Exhausting, trying to keep a civil tongue.
Tue.23.Jan: 8.21 Sleep at about 1.30 and I thought, for a while and for certain that it was going to be difficult, with leg cramps, but, as it turns out, I managed to get right to sleep. Perhaps it was the TWO Teas and a naproxyn. No matter… I slept until I heard the 7.00 alarm and dozed until about 7.55. And now, the bed linens are in the wash, I’m dressed, coffee, smoke, the usual and the little ones are having breakfast and I’m hoping Mimou will finish ALL of the food in the dish… it’s got meds in. He seems to be famished so I’ll hope. Next comes putting the recyclables out (though I’d prefer to shove them all into the garbage, but they’re there and it’s pick-up day anyway). – The day’s “chores”? Perhaps cleaning the wood-stove since it’s not at all that cold, and not really cold enough to burn. And of course, the little “busy” chores… to pass the time of day. Yes, a “new day” has begun and fuck me and fuck all, I’m still “here”. Alas. – 9.04 Wash done. Recyclables out. Message to Mme. sent. Dishes done. The morning is under weigh. BFD. – 23.29 FUCK. I wanted to be in bed and away by this hour, or at least half through Cats. But… I’m just out of the shower and the clothes are going through the rinse. Oh well. – As for the day: The wood-stove got a THOROUGH CLEANING! WHAT A FUCKING MESS! THE SOOT FROM ALL THE PAPER in the “converter” or what-ever thing. But the stove got the full clean-out, the wood got stacked in the kitchen, and re-stacked in the garage. (There MIGHT be enough to get through February which is what I’m hoping for or… when Mme. leaves for Florida, the thermostat is going back up to 90F if need be.) Anyway, I went to the store for munchies and 4 more Teas so tonight there will be stuff. – MIMOU ATE HIS FOOD TODAY! AND THE PILLS THIS MORNING! THE SECRET? KEEP HIM HUNGRY! TAH-DAH. (But would she listen? Fuck no.) And the recycling went out. The floors got Hoovered and well.. .that about covers it. “Meal” was turkey on rolls with Ranch dressing and ice cream after. Calories! (My gut is SO fucking large though. I need to get rid of that.) – Other-wise, I was SO COMPLETELY EXHAUSTED ALL THROUGH THE DAY. I don’t understand that bit. Probably just stress. Oh well. – Now then… I MUST get soil and a pot… there are GRAPEFRUIT TREES growing in the jar! From seeds! It would be fun to add them (or at least one) to the orange tree. And I’ve got more snow-melt for the plants. (It rained most of the day and so I got heavy snow and melted it in the steel bowl atop the stove! Brill!) – As for anything else? Well… no Soc.Sec. yet. Hopefully tomorrow morning it will be posted and I can get it out and en route to the account. There’s just over 500$ on the card now. THAT went quickly! But the 11$ over the 1k will cover the 1,50 transfer charge and the 9 will be added onto what’s there. One of these days it’ll all work out to exact. I just have to remember to keep enough on the card to cover the transfer. Oh well. And once this transfer goes through, there should be a touch more than 3500 in the account (CAD). At the rate things are going, I should move house to Bedford… but I doubt I will. I want to go back to NY. Oh well. We shall see. – So now, I hear the washer starting the spin… and Mimou is in his bed here in the room and Hallie is in her bed in “her” room and all is done. Tomorrow? Well… I got a text message from Mme. She claims she’s got another cold… from being chilled in the ER with her “Pumpkin” last night and having to move the truck on the icy drive. (Just don’t let her come back her tomorrow!!! I pray.)
Wed.24.Jan: 8.55 the critters are fed and out in the COLD, COLD, morning and the WIND. The world has frozen again this morning. And the garbage is out. And me? I was up at 4.00 this morning. LEG CRAMPS again. Off to bed at about 1.30 and up again at 4.00. Then the alarms to begin the day. Oh, it’s another one of “those” mornings. But, I try to tell myself: “You can go back to sleep when-ever you like.” IF I can get back to any sleep during the day. – And now? To check to see about the “Great Finances”. Let’s see if Soc.Sec. posted… yet. It’s not so much that I’m thrilled to put it into the banque as much as I am to get it out of this country… where they’ll take it as soon as they can. How lovely to live with that thought… ever moment of every day. “They’ll take it.” Well, if they want it they’ll have to work for it now. – 12.46 Well, with all the transactings and notes-taking, today’s “adventure in forex” has required almost 4 fucking hours! Between getting the money off the card (via telephone) and the “artistic” work of screen-caps, e-mails and the notes to make next month’s business a bit quicker… Honestly! What a fuck. The bloody card should have the “Bill Pay” options so that it would happen automatically every month. But NO! We’re dealing with obvious morons. BUT… at least and at last the money is not en route. INTERESTING: “Direct Express” INSTANTLY removed the funds from the card… I was logged-on as I phoned and as soon as I’d rung-off, I “refreshed” the screen. BANG! GONE! BUT it takes them “3 business days” to get the money to Wells. Seriously… the mental retards we have to deal with. Still, I almost have to smile when I think of how much this is like the old days of Wall Street and Banerj. We’re back in the international banquing business again. Now… let’s see what happens on Monday when the funds should be in Wells. OFX is awesomely efficient though. – Now? I need to figure out how to get rid of the jeans I don’t want. Considering selling them on-line some-where and some-how for 25$ each… the new and the “vintage” (with the holes). Just have to figure out how and where to post the “I’ve got jeans”. No doubt the sales will go through Selz and that means taking books off and such. But… it gives me something to do whilst Mme. is about the house. – Speaking of whom, I sent the “Meds taken” message this morning and received the common “Yes”… “so far except for this new cold I just have to make it through staff meeting. Till tomorrow!” I’m not going to get back into the constant back-and-forth messages nor the every night “report”. It’s too annoying… especially when she “replies” and ignores most of what I send anyway. – It’s cold in the house and almost bitter out-side and I’m gong to have a lie-down. – 21.50 In bed. SHOWERED WELL! Clothes in the dryer. Stove roaring away. Even the chimney is warm. Lights off. The day is done. – Took photos of the jeans today. Posted a little memo on 2 Twtr accounts. Will have to follow-up during the week (work to do whilst Mme. is in). Tomorrow I’ll quick-Hoover and mop. Mme. sent a message saying she’s not well. Oh well. I can’t care about “them” any longer nor any more. Suggested lighting the wood-stove. Little does she know… it’s ROARING. But the house is a bit warmer too for it. – Here’s hoping for no cramps during the night. I’m not taking any more naproxyn since it doesn’t seem to help. Quinine would, I think. Will have to make certain to get more tonic (even with-out the vodka). – Nothing more to say, really. Time for a bit of tele and Tea and hopefully SLEEP through the night! –
Thu.25.Jan: 8.59 Up with the 7.30 to a munis 16 morning of clear skies… coffee, pee, breakfast served, stove re-stoked (and lightly shovelled), Hallie out, me to the loo, message from Mme. “I’ll crash when I get back.” (of course you will, dear), floors Hoovered and mopped. All is calm, all is “all”. And I’m ready to go right back to sleep. Mimou is whining, hungry. He wouldn’t eat breakfast. Alas. Oh well. I’ve no patience this morning, as usual. And as for the day ahead? Haven’t quite decided. There are things… “things” that can and should be done. We shall see, at day’s close, what gets accomplished. Meanwhile… What-ever. – 22.48 WHAT ANOTHER FUCKING DAY!!! TODAY’S MAIL?
SOCIAL SECURITY CLAIMING THEY’VE PAID ME 12K!
THEN TREASURY… THEY’RE GARNISHING MY SOCIAL SECURITY!
I CALL DEPT. OF ED: THEY GIVE ME A FUCKING NUMBER FOR A COLLECTION AGENCY TELLING ME I OWE 16K! OK! I’VE HAD MORE THAN ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT!
But right now, I’m tired, the house is still and I”m just off soc.med. so it’s time for a Tea and tele. – Oh.. Mme. cooked a lamb-burger for me tonight! SO SO TOO DEE-LISH! –
Fri.26.Jan: 9.22 FED THE CRITTERS and all. She just sat, with her Jesus. And we chatted. She got a “dose” but calmly. Her responses? “Liberal”. Alas. – I’ve got shit, distracting shit to be sure. More later. – 23.05 Well, another day is over. As I sit here typing, the Twats’ poor dog is bounding up and down the stairs and my nerves are actually shot to shit. – I never did complete yesterday’s entry to this. But all day I pretty much worked on POSTING THE JEANS ON ETSY FOR SALE AT 29,00 EACH! My old “store” was still active! But they’ve changed all sorts of shit on there and it’s been a royal pain in the arse getting 3 postings done. But they’re on and I’ve posted to some Twtr and Minds accounts. Let’s see what comes of it. – As for the rest of the day? Well, this evening I had dinner (salmon) with Mme. and we chatted a bit. This morning’s “chat” has, as most chats round the place, blown off to the wind. – OH! THE ANNUAL REVIEW FOR FOOD STAMPS ARRIVED TODAY. I’ve reported the amount of Soc.Sec. less the anticipated 15 per-cent they’ll be fucking me out of. (Of course, I’ll be working on dodging that in the mean-while but for now… I leave it at that. Let the fucking governments work on the particulars. I’m burnt-out over it.) – Other than this shit, really, there isn’t much to note. I’m tired, but that’s nothing new. I napped for almost an hour today but that doesn’t do anything to allay the fatigue. The difference in income weighs heavily on my mind but I know I have through the month of February to attend to it, still, it’s a blast in my arse, none-the-less. Last night before getting into bed I reminded myself that all through my life-time, just when I thought I was heading above the water for a breath, something came along to shove me back to the ocean floor… and of course, I rather anticipate this shit from Soc.Sec. but… And I must be grateful that I’ve got the 3k in the account already and 1k more to come before they truly shove the poker up into my lungs via my arse. Oh well… – I have to find a couple of photos here on the rods, reels, and the likes to post on Etsy. It’s cheaper than putting it on Selz. Selz would cost me 19.00 per month for an “up-grade” where Etsy has cost me 20 cents per listing for something like 45 days or what-ever. So? I used the soc.sec. account to pay today’s posts. I’m not touching the real account until it’s time to get the actual fuck away from here! NO MATTER WHAT happens. – So… – And I didn’t get to the store for more Tea today and I’m out of tonic but I have a bit of vodka left. Will have to see about “borrowing” some soda from the kitchen. Mme. went to bed at about 22.30 or so, I’ll just wait for her “meds” to take and tip-toe out to the kitchen for a “glass of soda”. Nothing to munch tonight either. OH the HELL! Not really… but it’s all my own fault… to fucking lazy. I should learn… but I probably won’t.
Sat.27.Jan: 9.43 and only JUST sitting at the key-board. I didn’t wake until almost 9.00. Watched 3 episodes of “8 Out of 10 Cats”, had a v-ton with and listened to the Twats’ dog scratching at there door… until just past mid-night. Oh well. And this morning, my little “friend”, the pain in the left back and groin is with me, and I’m feeling rather “run over”. Mme. actually fed the critters and is seated at table. We had a chat. And so the day is done. Time to be … I almost typed “human”. – 11.42 I don’t know if this day is passing quickly or slowly. But I’m just having my 2nd coffee and… well… Mme. is out and about. Funny (not), she logs onto her e-mail, gets up, puts on jacket and boots and heads out the door. Focus… none. – 22.28 and the house is, at last, done. – Had a bit of stew with noodles this evening with Mme. so I had something to eat all day. Not enough and I should have gone to the store but tomorrow I’ll have that opportunity because she’s going to church and some “concert” so… MUCHIES and TEA! – Today? I ordered 3 bottles of Bat Oren and 2, 4-packs of Neca 7 from a place in Rockland County. The order went through and as quickly as I clicked, the 56$ came off the Soc.Sec. card and I got an e-mail saying the order’s on HOLD because they can’t get payment! I’m upset, curious and PISSED! But it wouldn’t have gone out until Monday anyway and I’ll be on the phone first thing to settle this. I’m in no mood nor position for BULL-SHIT of any kind any more. – In other news, there is no news and I’m about to get to “Cats” and a v-ton… probably finishing the v. Tomorrow… back to Tea for a while. – OK and ALAS and O Well and ALL ASS. This fucking day is fucking closed. –
Sun.28.Jan: 10.13 Mme. has “gone to God”, as it were, and the house is still. – I woke at almost 9.00 to find her at kitchen table, replacing a battery in a clock. I took to the loo and as I sat she asked “Do you need anything in Enosburgh?” I thought I did but said “No thank you. Are you off to church?” She replied “Yes…” and left. I continued with my “business”. It’s painful. I wonder: have I got a cyst some-where? Ah… which leads me to:
Last night the thought came: With the full payment of soc.sec. for February, I will have, in the account, 5k. That’s 10 months’ rent… in Québec as I see… even in the likes of Montréal! Now then, taking a place in l’Estrie, St-Armand or even Bedford, I could, in reality, continue taking care of the critters here, Monday night to Thursday morning, crossing back and forth, not losing anything here, nor putting anything much in any sort of jeopardy. Me “residence-in-fact” would be QC, but my “residence-of-record” would be VT and I’d keep my obligation to spend no more time than allowed in either. Even at 600 per month, it would be affordable, even if (when) they take the 15 per-cent! I could sell the Subaru here, get a better vehicle there and travel a bit, in comfort. I could relocate to Blackpool or Hemingford or Lacolle. And I could afford it AND a bit of “life” before “leaving”. AND, I could actually realise a dream before I go. Not to mention, the money involved would be delightfully removed from the country or origin that’s proved oppressive through my life-time. Hopefully, Trudeau will be ousted soon, or in the next election and Canada will return to it’s proper order. And I will have lived a dream before I die. A rather delightful win for me. OK. Yes, I won’t be able to get food on stamps there. But when I come to take care of the critters, I can get my food here. No prob. And, like so many others, I could maintain a POB here as well for such things. So today, this morning, I begin looking, in earnest, for a little place “in the Townships”. There is my solace du jour. To do other-wise would be pure folly. (The only alternative to this would be to find some place in the likes of Rouses Point/Champlain… but I’m not counting on that happening. Though there are places to be had for the likes of 500-600 there, with the 15 per-cent cut, it takes a large toll on finances. I’d be a fool to miss a rather golden opportunity.),br />
There… it was on that thought that I drifted off to a rather painful sleep last night (this morning at about 1.30). – Meanwhile, the day is clear, a bit of a breeze and certainly not as cold as of late. PLUS temperatures this morning. Imagine. Not “warm” but certainly not “cold”. – Mme. said she’s planning on attending a “concert” of some sort this after-noon so I’ll have the opportunity to toddle over to the store for “munchies”. (I could go now but I just … well … the usual procrastination. I don’t NEED, really. So there’s really no harm.) – If only I could sell those jeans! – Another issue is: Not caring what other folks’ opinions are. Truly, they mean nothing and here, in particular, nobody actually “knows” me nor anything much about me. I’d said as much the other morning to Mme. I need to make the push necessary on these jeans and such and get them sold, get the cash and get on with my life. I’ve done other things in desperation. Right now, there’s no actual “desperation” and so, I must act before it becomes a “demand”. Indeed. – And so, with this typed in the silence of the house, it’s time to roll on with the day. – 16.07 Roll, turkey, Ranch… 4 Teas, crisps, PopTarts. Done! Soil and pot for the grape-fruits. Ash bucket emptied. AND… OUND NICE FLATS IN BEDFORD FOR 575! WOOHOO! (Mme. is at her concert. I’m eating.) – 20.59 Can’t believe it, but Mme. came back from her concert at about 18.00 and hadn’t eaten so we had a burger each, a potato and mushrooms… in addition to the half-pound of turkey on 2 rolls that I’d had for my “meal”. I’m FED! I ate because she was hungry and wouldn’t cook for her-self. OK. Oh well. And so, after, we watched a bit of tele and I’m in bed and hear her getting ready to go too. Another day has passed. Tomorrow we face the bull-shit of my order at Rockland and then comes the matter of the soc.sec. debacle. Yes… the “relaxed” times are to be put aside again. – I’m almost tired enough to simply go to bed right now. But I’ll try to stay up for a little, perhaps an episode of “Cats” and then to bed. All I hope for is a night of sleeping through until morning. That’s all. At least I can think about one more month of full soc.sec. which will, when put into CIBC will bring that up to 4940, less the 10 to pay for the phone and 4930. 70 more and 5000 and if I can get a flat for 575… that’s 8 months or 1st plus security and 6 months left. If they take the 15 per-cent… 575C is 471U… 800soc.sec. is 976C… I’d have 401C left each month. Looks like it’ going to be the “Old Dream”… moving to Québec to die. Well? It’s a FAR CRY BETTER than staying here in VT! (When, this evening, I mentioned 500$ rents in Québec, Mme.’s reply was “You could do that here too.” Yeah? The point is… NO! NOT HERE!) – Anyway, at least there are options available to dying in peace and with dignity.
Mon.29.Jan: 6.34 This is what happens when I go to sleep (after 2 Teas and 3 episodes of “Cats”) by mid-night. I was in bed early enough to watch enough tele to run the lap-top down to low battery and it shut itself down. So, I went to sleep. And yes, to sleep. Lovely? Well, this morning, when I turned it back on, it was still connected to the WiFi AND the episode began again! LOUDLY! Scared me half out of the room! That’s not all; had to open a fresh jar of coffee and pouring the remainder of the old jar, clanked jar against glass, had to fight with the seal on the new jar. Then, dressed and went out for a smoke and the door to the room and the door to the porch made noise, I made quite the racket walking across the porch. It’s been a noisy morning already. But, the rest of the house here is still asleep. Interesting way to begin the day. Add to that, my gut… feels so bloated, I could be 8months pregnant this morning. Now THAT’S rather interesting, in all. – Well… I’m up, dressed, coffee’ed, smoked, and such. The day commences. I don’t know why or how. I probably could and should go back to sleep but why? I’m awake. – Oh… and it’s probably good fortune considering that the alarm-phone was off. I don’t recall having turned it off, but had I slept until an alarm sounded… I’d still be asleep. – OK. This morning? There’s the order from Rockland to be attended, a bit of mail to be put out for FS, and working on this soc.sec. garnishment before calling THOSE freaks. Things to be done. A shame I can’t get at them immediately but… Perhaps it’s best to have a slower entry into the day. No doubt, shit will fly at some point… though hopefully, when it does, it’ll take away the bloating from my gut (but I doubt it). – 20.39Jammies in the wash. And I’m just in with Ms. Hallie after I took a 2-hour “nap” in the recliner! It’s been a day of sorts. – Mme. left at 13.30 and me? I didn’t do all that much. Ate the left-over rice for “meal” and there we have it. Got the stove fired-up finally and took it pretty much easy. – MY BAT OREN IS ON THE WAY. Spoke with a guy named… Yehuda (no H) at Rockland who even offered to send the package FedEx! I’m amazed. And it was such a great feeling to speak a little Hebrew with him as well! Hebrew ! Such a long time. (To think, soon I’ll be speaking French.) – Anyway, at least I got some sleep… and am off to the shower now and to bed… for more sleep… I hope. – The Twats had the dog out tonight. It barked at me as I passed the window in the little room. I wonder how I can snip the lead and let the poor thing run free. – Oh… and I potted the grape-fruit today… actually 4 of them. Let’s see which, if any, take. – 22.00 on the nose, I’m showered, jammies are clean as are the pillow cases (pillows too because I washed them last week), and I’m in bed at last (with a little throbbing in the upper left teeth). The deposit didn’t make it to the banque yet today, but hopefully by tomorrow. The Bat Oren won’t be here tomorrow but maybe on Wednesday. And I’m extremely pre-occupied with a move to QC. Well… time for a Tea and tele. Let’s hope for sleep tonight. Hope… FUCK.
Tue.30.Jan: 8.50 already. I was up at about 7.30 and on the move. Coffee, feed Mimou, let Hallie out, prepare her breakfast, re-start the wood-stove (temperature being below 20F this morning), have a smoke (have had my second too), to the loo where, on the phone I tracked the parcel, checked e-mail, browsed Twtr… all of the morning “routine” done. No dressed and wanting to return to bed, not because I’m “tired” but because I’m “weary”. Depression. That’s all it really is, depression. Thoughts of getting a better motor-vehicle, moving to where I can afford it, thoughts of pure “Existentialism” and questioning why I even give a shit about anything. Looking at the political situations of the U.S. and Canada at present, it’s all too obvious that the “successful” people in the world are those who don’t care about the perceptions of others. The politicians are guilty as all Hell and yet, roam freely, live comfortably, “successfully” and continue on with their existences. Even to Mme. who let’s “her” house go to rot, expecting others to maintain it all from lawn to repairs… whines about tribulations and yet, sits at table each morning with her Jesus-writings and then goes through stacks of junk mail, writing a cheque or two in payments made to MORE people who don’t know her, know of her and don’t care about her… nor how they are perceived by others. And me? I’m weary because I actually give other credibility and credence… especially those who know nothing of or about me and don’t care to know. I am weary, run-down because of something that, ultimately means nothing because I will die, be dead, cease to exist and others may or may not remember me, speak of me and all the while, my remains will become the same as those in the little cemeteries scattered about the planet… inconsequential. And most of this is because of some silly superstition about “energy” and the “soul” and a state of either “heaven” or “hell” that has never been proved, certainly has no tangible evidence. It’s a matter of “mind”… and how deeply “mind” is affected… and that’s only to the extent we allow our minds to be rotted in this fashion. Soc.Sec. is dropped to 800 from 1k. Originally, I thought I’d only receive 700. So the 800 is 100 more than I’d thought for so long. Why should the difference bother me? I have the ability to adjust my existence accordingly. When I was in the Shelter, each and every day I “adjusted” and “adapted” to what-ever was and happened around me in order to make my own existence “tolerable” at the very least. And I got my-self back to a little job and eventually walked out one morning and travelled several hundred kilometres away, to a new town, state, place, existence. I did it all… alone, on my own. But I did so because I simply lost all sense of the perception of others. There were those who admired and those who despised me because of it, but ultimately, NONE of those helped me along my way… Many tried to hinder and to hurt, many others simply ignored or disposed of me. But I did what I felt, in my gut, was the best for me, and here I am this morning, typing this, recording it. I so very much need to return to that time, mentally and emotionally, to dispose of all external nonsense and general bull-shit and merely move forward toward that which will make my limited future existence suitable for my current and present needs, what-ever they may be. Others will do what they will and the world will continue on, on its own, as it will, has and does. My presence now makes no difference, as it made no difference then and my absence will make no difference in future. We are here, then we’re not and all goes on. Biblical folks were here and now they’re not… and all has gone on. What I need to do is simply keep this fact, these facts, in my consciousness and behave accordingly. My time is quite limited now, more-so than any time in my past. It won’t be much longer and I’ll no longer exist… and all will simply move along, “as it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be, world with-out end. Amen.” – January is almost gone. Another page of a small booklet that marks the passing of days… days… sun-shine to night and sun-shine again. February is coming along, and the March, April… none of which makes any difference to trees, grasses, fish, foul… Only to “humanity”. And here I sit, weary from angst that actually does not exist, has no actual cause other than the fact that I’ve allowed myself to be pulled into the follies of others, and only some others because, it all returns to the fact that there are those thought of as “successful” (by humanity’s standards which are, themselves, based in nothing necessary), and they haven’t a care in the world where the perceptions of others are concerned. Some of those “successful” people do nothing to harm others, they merely exist with-in their own comforts. And they pay no attention to the thoughts, opinions and perceptions of others. Just as I did in the Shelter, so I truly need to do now… and forward from here. – Good morning. Another day commences. Fuck. – 10.59 Up from another nap (yes I did) AND… MONEY IN THE ACCCOUNT!!! AND… I just calc’ed: Even with the reduction to 875US it converts to just over 1kCAN monthly. NOT TOO BAD! So, 5-6c rent still leaves me with abut 4c/mo. which isn’t living in luxury but it’s not something to cause un-due suffering. (If in NY how-ever, the 8c is still 8c and leaves me with 2-3c which cuts because of utilities and the likes.) Anyway… not ALL is lost … yet. I still have to get this bull-shit off my credit records in case somebody goes to check those for rentals (which means nothing in QC because there, my “record” is with the banque and THAT’S quite delightfully clean!). OK… so there we have the day! Eh? – 16.16 Just off the phone with EV!!! SHE’S GOT A PACE-MAKER! Just turned 91. I can hardly believe it. But she sounded and said that she’s always glad to hear from me and that if I find my-self in The City, “You know where to find me. I’m right here.” But… truth is and facts are… my “connections” are, as they’ve been through most of my life, dying away. It won’t be long and it’ll be only me. Well? Isn’t that what I sort of expected when I came here to VT? Indeed, it is. – Other-wise, I’ve done the basics for materials for a new bed. 82,07usd for lumber only at Home Depot. The beds on-line? 1200 and higher! So, with a little work, looks like I’ll set my sights on the “DIY” version. But what a savings! I’m impressed. – The Bat Oren and Neca7 is en route from Nashua today. At this rate, I wouldn’t be surprised if it doesn’t arrive with the 16.00 truck. But tomorrow morning I should be able to shower in PURE DELIGHT again. How strange. (I’m coaxing my-self into a hair-cut this evening.) – And now… time to get me together and rummage through the fridge. I’m going to clean the left-overs. And there’s wood that needs to be brought in from the garage this evening since it’s a bit on the chilly side. Clear skies, and chilly. – And so… too… the letter about soc.sec. I’m SO fucking fed-up with all that bull-shit. But, we shall do what we do and, hopefully, piss somebody right the whole-fuck off. – 21.22 HAIR CUT, NECK TRIMMED, BEARD TRIMMED, SHOWERED! Ready for bed at last! Stomach’s a little off. And so too, the rest of me. Just “off”, not really in me, as it were. It started when I went to the store at about 16.30. Coming back, I felt more “off the ground”, light-headed. Gee, wouldn’t it be just the thing? I mean, the account has money in it, things look to be controllable. There’s wonderful bathing stuff arriving tomorrow and now I’ll kick off. Oh well. C’est la vie. And so it would be. – Message from Mme. She’s watching the President’s “SOTU” speech. Oh well… – I’m off to a Tea as soon as I put the clothes in the dryer. – END OF THE DAY!
Wed.31.Jan: 9.38 Out of bed at 8.00… critters out, breakfast served, stove re-started, garbage out, coffee, smoke, pee, checked package (IN!!!), checked e-mails, checked Twtr. And now… before a dump… PO to get my toiletries! – I’m tired and not well this morning. Very dragged-out. Slept last night, but not before 2.00 this morning. Too much tele. – 10.39 BAT OREN TONIGHT! IT ARRIVED! AND IN PERFECT CONDITION! I sent Rockland a “toda raba” e-mail and almost immediately, received acknowledgement. AMAZING! (Now I need a little pump bottle for the Bat Oren and a travel soap case for the Neca 7… I live “transient”.) – OK. NOW… on to the rest of the day! (And a nasty letter to the collectors… fuckers.) – 21.43 AND I’VE SHOPPED AGAIN! TWO CALVIN KLIEN PILLOWS FROM MACY’S, HALF-PRICE (AGAIN) TO REPLACE THE CT PILLOWS! OH WELL… AS EV SAID: TIME TO DO SOMETHING GOOD FOR ME. I’M DOING IT! – AND I GOT THE LETTERS FOR THE SOC.SEC. FIASCO TYPED, PRINTED AND READY TO GO TOMORROW. AND, I’VE GOT MY STATE AND FED TAXES DONE AND READY TO GO (IN APRIL… FUCK THEM). – It was a terribly “heavy” day all day today. Just no energy or stamina. I slept on the recliner. I took an hour nap on the bed. This evening I went to the store for chicken-fukkitz, crisps and PopTarts for tonight. Dessert? Heavy cream and sugar, shaken in a jar until THICK! It was too sweet though and I couldn’t finish it so some is on the porch. (It’s snowing tonight so hopefully it will stay OK.) – Got the floors Hoovered too, for that matter. And there’s wood stacked in the kitchen. – So now… with the thumping of the Twats above on the porch (they’ve moved their shit to be above me at night… I need to get the fuck out of here!!!), it’s time for my BAT OREN SHOWER!!!! AND I’M LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT! – Tomorrow we return to the general bull-shit of the shit-hole. But I’ve got a post to compose to place on Crgslst and such. April… PLEASE… NO LATER THAN APRIL!!! (NY would be delightful… QC would be affordable.) – 22.31 SHOWERED!!! BAT OREN!!! AND I AM “O! SO! CLEAN!!!” It didn’t smell exactly as I’d recalled, but then again, nothing does… nothing is “the same as it was”. But it was DELIGHT! And I bathed twice, just to keep the fragrance. WHAT A WONDERFUL SHOWER! And as I showered, I saged the room. So now? The stove is stoked, TV off, lights out and the clothes are spinning in the Gain. Toss to the dryer and DONE! THEN? A night before the shit returns… I’ve no doubt at all. Oh well. That’s the way it is. – Quite the day… shoved all into the final hours. – The Twats have settled too… so it seems. May it remain so… until the day I depart from here.