Wed.01.Jan: 11.59 and I've only JUST put clothes on! Well? Tough shit, I suppose. I FINALLY got to bed this morning at 2.45. Caught-up in the soc.med., Minds... What cinched it was “messaging” from... WILLIE! Blew me out of the door! He's such a sweet guy. And to correspond with ME? Well! I was, to be honest, quite honoured. And Theresa, being an hour behind, was quite chatty too. She too, is a delight, for the most part. So, although I sat here, at home, solo, there was much conversation happening, long into the night. But the TWO rather hefty v-tons FINALLY took hold and, of to bed before the sun-rise. I tried to read an “Adirondack Life” but... 2 pages in and I was OUT. Woke, this morning, at about 10.20! Feeling a bit “at the bottom of the glass”, toddled to the loo, put the coffee on, had my vit.C and a naproxen (“prophylactic”, one might say) and dragged me about the house, trying to gather thoughts together, “goals and ambitions”. Stepped out to the porch for morning “halfie-smoke” to see the BEAUTIFUL dusting of snows upon the mountains glowing in the sun-shine! “Adirondack morning”! Indeed, up there, the snows were blowing about, the haze above, reflecting the sun-shine that was ours, “down here”. And it's a rather “warm” morning for January. I can't help but think of how “blessed” I've been thus far, with the temperatures. It's almost as if I'm being given a “head-start”: it could have been horridly cold these weeks, fuel being burned away at incredible rates, but, thus far, it's holding-out... Yes, I'm aware that it's only January, there's a “January thaw”, hopefully THIS isn't it... yet. But the fact is: Winter officially runs into March... and there's still February to get through. Not to mention, March and April. “Spring” doesn't actually happen until mid-to-late May. Winter still has time to strike until then. - Anyway, the other clothes are in soaking. I've got tonight's “meal” to prepare. Mother's chicken and rice, on a slow bake I believe. There's this journal to up-date, close 2019. And I STILL have those “photo pages” to get to. I want to pull a back-up of the “old” pages, but my “mega-drives” are almost stuffed! One of these days... i have to get to those too, clear the duplicate shit files. I keep telling me: I need a “work table” for the “extra room”. I also NEED to get the truck in shape. Then there's renewals on domains this year. Things to consider, seriously, in 2020. - But, sitting here, typing this, isn't getting me any closer to “accomplishing” any-thing. So? Now that coffee and naproxen have taken hold, head is clearing, I'm clothed and the morning has rolled into the after-noon... AWAY! AWAY I say! - Tomorrow... a toddle into town. Smokes are rather low in count. So? So... Off we go. - Can't help but ponder the utter cut from the old woman in Fuklin. Gee... she's proving how ungrateful she can be. The last “correspondence” was sent, by me, to her. I've NO doubt that there's nothing but shit-talk, if any talk, about me, over there. “Entitled”. Best to divest my-self of all of that. - Oh, and this morning, Alvin was here again... thumping about Ms. Diva's place and clearing snow from her walk and the drive. It's almost a “religious pilgrimage” with him. Ever so strange. Between that/him and Alden's infatuation with her, I wonder. They say she used to be such a wonderful person. I never got to really see that, save the day she cried with appreciation because I “repaired” her loo vent. Perhaps she WAS a good person. Oh well. Best to “divest” of that incident as well. I need to be more concerned about what will move in over there and the possibility of Alden “divesting” him-self of this house... and what I'll do in that event. There are more important items to consider... for my own survival. After all, I've wasted too much of my own life-time being SO concerned about and considerate of others. - OK. Enough of this! Time to move along... move along... move... along. - 24.04 SHIT! DID IT AGAIN! And tomorrow (well, later today at this point) I NEED to take that toddle into town! I WANTED to be asleep by now! But... FUCK ME, I'm irresponsible! - But “meal” turned out REALLY well tonight! Mother's chicken and rice! Baked for about 4 hours, the rice even made “concon”! And there's plenty more chicken and rice for at least 2 more meals! And tonight, with veggies, and ice cream for dessert! V8 with too. Healthy eating! - It was a quiet day... all the way through. I rang Dorothy, left a message, probably pissed her off even more but I don't really care at this point. - Got the Journal from the site backed-up so it's a matter of getting the “photo pages” done and I can switch to the “new format”. Washed the clothes and they're almost dry enough to wear again. Up-dated the “financials” so the banquing is ready for the new year. Bammazoon claims all my orders should be here on Friday (I hope they don't come when I'm not here). And so, all's quite well, indeed. - Just “warming” the house a touch. It's gone quite chilly out-side and rather damp-chilly in here. So as that takes place, having one last hot water and it's off to bed! No particular rush for the morning, really. At 10, I'll check for the mail and head off. Before that, I'll get the “AAA” back though. It's already been included in the banquing so what-ever's in the account is current. - So it's off this and onto that and then to BED! And hopefully... to SLEEP... through the night. (I had a leg spasm today. It's been quite a while since I've had one of those. I've no doubt it's my back. The walk tomorrow should help. And the forecast is for 4° with sun! I can only hope.)

Thu.02.Jan: 0.13 Well? The first day of the “new year” and the “new decade” has passed. The days, they do that now... pass... and damned quickly too! Shit. - 8.09 Well... I'm up, coffee water's on, had my “P” and vit.C and a halfie on the porch. Météo is informing me that the temperature on the out-of-doors is currently.... -2° with a chill of -6 but will be PLUS 6 by about 13.00, with mostly sun-shine through the day. Charming, indeed. And I was up and out of the bed at 7.55, after lights-out at 1.00 and still awake at 2.00, but to sleep shortly there-after. So I suppose I've gotten the “necessary” rest of the “night” and should be quite prepped for today's toddle by about 10.00. And really, other than phoning to see about re-instating the “AAA” (which, I've read, charges some kind of “non-refundable” extra for folks who re-instate... I shall see about that... and if they DO charge me more, I shall avail m'self of their services with-out reserve), there's nothing of great “urgence” to attend today. So MAYBE this day will turn out OK! (We shall see.) - Feeling? Oh... the usual morning “drag”. And only half looking forward to the stroll. It's mostly the concern about the feet: blisters and the left foot, broken. It gave me a bit of a pinch 2 days ago. Oh well. I'll take my time. No rush. Enjoy the exercise (which is something I need any-way) and “fresh mountain air”. Tah... dah. - 10.33 AAA is RE-INSTATED!!!! Thank you, Tracy! And I found the card they'd sent originally, and Tracy says that “Membership” number is valid. Insurance cards are in the “Owner's Manual” for the truck. The only items remaining: License and registration. I COULD do the license this month, but... no rush at the moment. - And NOW... to prep for the trip and away we go! - OH... according to the “tracking”... the kettle and food should be arriving today! TODAY! I need to get out of here and back! (Though, no matter how I “time” it... I'm sure it won't work to my advantage anyway, so????? ) - 14.42 BACK FROM MARKET!!! LEFT AT ABOUT 11.20, WALKED BACK INTO THE HOUSE AT 14.30... with quite a wait at FamDoll for 4 packs of smokes, and a breeze through Tops for ice cream and... chicken. Took my sweet-arsed time coming back, with a rest just south of the Lobdell Rd. and a hobble from there! I AM IMPRESSED! Oh... and stopped to take a couple of photos of ice on the rocks, en route to town, and a couple of photos of “Centre Ville” New Russia from the North. WOOHOO! Yes, the feet are a touch “tender” and my back wants to leave home. But... I DID IT AGAIN! And now? A tea. I've taken a naproxen, just to be “in case”. And the parcels haven't arrived. I DID IT! - 16.31 The sun's gone behind the clouds. The house got a “warm-up” because my t-shirt and shirt were “damp” with sweat and I was “chilled”. The chicken breasts (they were cheaper) are seasoned, wrapped and in the freeze. Dishes done. Meal is in the oven, heating (hopefully to be warm enough by about 17.00). And now? I get to sit and wait for UPS to deliver... bread pans, ELECTRIC KETTLE and FOOD-STUFFS! I'm almost exhausted! Just too thrilled about today's “foray” into “the village”. - 20.19 WELL WELL WELL AND WELL! I'd gone for a bit of a lie-down at about 18.20, having finished “meal” and dishes (of course, all, in under 45 minutes again) and having checked (again) for the expected delivery of parcels today. AT18.51, BEFORE MY SNOOZE WAS COMPLETE (having set the alarm for 19.00)... “VROOM VROOM.... SILENCE, OUT-SIDE MY WINDOW. So I got up to check AND THERE WAS THE UPS GUY! SWEET-HEART THAT HE IS, HE WAS CARRYING TWO BOXES! “The bottom one's got some weight to it.” he advised, as I reached out to take the parcels from him. I thanked him, took the boxes, he closed the front door for me and... FOOD, KETTLE, BREAD PANS ARE HERE! Coffee! Cranberry juice! Black-eyed peas! Mandarin oranges! Peaches! Beef-barley soups! 5 lbs of “whole wheat” King Arthur flour! AN ELECTRIC KETTLE! Bread pans! AND... of course, all items are put up where they belong... and I've JUST finished the first kettle of boiling water! (I let it soak with a touch of vinegar for about 15 minutes and now, boiling to cleanse... after letting it reach “room temperature” because it was COLD on delivery... those poor guys in those UPS trucks, bless them.) I'm excited! Truly am! - WHAT A DAY THIS HAS BEEN! *** AAA *** IS RE-INSTATED! *** WALKED THE FULL TRIP TO TOWN! *** GOT MY SMOKES AND ICE CREAM AND BONELESS CHICKEN BREASTS! *** I HAVE A KETTLE AGAIN, so no more using the one pot! *** More flour for more bread! (It'll be interesting to use “whole wheat” instead of “all purpose” but... “healthier” I suppose. *** Oranges and peaches! *** Soups! *** Peas! *** FOOD! ***** AND... ALL BILLS/EXPENSES FOR THE MONTH ARE PAID!!!!! ***** WHO AM I? WHO IS THIS “RESPONSIBLE” PERSON IN THIS HOUSE? WHOSE LIFE AM I LIVING THESE DAYS? (Where's the WHAMMY? I just KNOW there's a WHAMMY waiting... probably the condition of the truck?) But for now... I'm in AWE!!! And the first boiling of the kettle is done. I'd like to give it 3 before using it for drinking. It's very handsome in the kitchen. Quite a match to the coffee press. I'm not thrilled that the lid doesn't stay open though. For almost 30$ it should be better quality. But... “Made if Fucking CHINA!” THAT shit needs to stop in this country! Oh well. At least I have a GLASS kettle! VERY sharp. (Let's hope it doesn't die in a month's time?) - And so... I'll give the kettle the boils so it's ready for tomorrow's coffee and... off to bed with me. It's been QUITE the day. - A rather beautiful way to begin a year.

Fri.03.Jan: 0.00 believe it or not... Well? The kettle's been “boiled” thrice and is still holding it's own. I've treated me to a v-ton, simply because... I'M CELEBRATING THE KETTLE, THE BREAD PANS (there's going to be BAKING later today!), the FOOD! (I've had some mandarin oranges already.). I'm celebrating the smokes in the house, money in the banque, the serenity of my HOME. And now? I'm going to extend the celebration by going to BED! Thursday was “quite the day”! Then again, for the most part, EVERY day since coming “Home” to NY has been indescribably amazing... especially since the “Vermonters” have been weeded out. - And as I thought, on my journey to and from town on Thursday: I have come “Home” to die... When Death comes to the door... I'm ready to depart... in peace... in Peace. - 9.11 (Goodness! That hour. I DO seem to hit it rather frequently.) ANY-waaay. Here we are. After a night of foot an leg “SPASMS”! that caused a night of back-support and a morning of the same, getting to sleep some time after 2.00 and getting out of bed at 8.00... coffee at hand, water boiled in the new KETTLE, I'm dressed and have been out in the 3°, over-cast morn and am “engaged” in “things to do to 9.38 fill a day and pass some time”, none of which are pertinent. But.... I woke (again) this morning and there's time to pass, a day to “fill” and... NO MORE v-tons, I suppose, because that's the only thing that I can figure, caused the spasms. I'm not “getting old”... I AM old! BUT, I'm “responsible” and bills are paid, money in the banque (ear-marked but there). And I hear the “bum-da-dump” indicating the opening of the PO. So? Indeed, the day is “officially” open. ONWARD BUTTER-CUP! THERE'S FUCKERY TO BE SPREAD! - 23.53 The day? Spent making “2020” pages for the IBC 2019 calendar. Dates and such all included and current. But it took the whole day. Either I don't work as quickly as I used to or... Anyway, the calendar work rolled into “meal” which was re-heated chicken and rice (there's only rice left now... but chicken's been taken out of the freeze for tomorrow) and I added black-eyed peas, so I've had them... before the week was out. (I hope that counts for the “good luck and fortune”.) Ice cream for dessert and... as I watched “A Bit of Frye and Laurie”... I polished off the peaches. Oh well. And just had a licorice tea. (Must try and get more on the 9th.) - Post this morning: just the paper. Tops butter on sale this week! We'll see what I order from “Prime Pantry” for the month. And a trip into the market for butter, eggs, perhaps some sort of “greens”... I've had “greens” in mind lately. I haven't had any in quite a while. - And so, right now... a glean of soc.med. and off to bed. - OH! I SPOKE WITH NANCY ABOUT GARBAGE PICK-UP. SHE'S ON CASELLA BUT... BUT... SHE TOLD ME TO SIMPLY PUT MINE IN WITH HERS! AND, SHE'S FIRST HOUSE ON RIGHT UP THE HILL! THE ONE WITH “THE DOGS”! BUT, SHE SAID TO JUST PUT MY GARBAGE IN WITH THEIRS! I OFFERED TO PAY. SHE DECLINED! (Now I have to figure how to get the bag up there... but, at least I know it won't sit for the season and I don't have to worry about it? HONESTLY... NEW YORK... NEW RUSSIA! INCREDIBLE! AND RE-ASSURING. Seems the only people I don't really “get along with” are the Reiners... but Margaret did say they're “strange... especially her”, and of course, Ms. Diva. But to simply offer to allow me to put my garbage in with theirs... AMAZING.. NEW YORK!) IT'S SO GOOD TO BE BACK “HOME” AGAIN! - On to soc.med. and to bed. I'm tired... and it's chilly/damp in here.

Sat.04.Jan: 0.36 TIME TO CLOCK-OUT! - 9.38 Up, dressed, in from smoke, coffee on. Didn't get out of bed until I saw 9.00 on the clock! Lights went out at about 1.30 or so and here I am. As it were. And I don't care (that song' stuck in my head this morning.) And it's a touch... no... it IS over-cast, with a very light, wet snow falling. Crystal's in the PO. There's a bit of traffic on the main and... another day rolls into gear. Thoughts this morning: the truck. Oh well. Always “something”. So let's see what we “make” of this, another day (that the lord has made). Here we are, and here we go. - 11.43 I've only JUST had my morning coffee, having spent the last hour or so in the PO chatting with Crystal who, as a “matter of chat” literally dropped the news into a sentence:
Ms. Diva died last night.
As I'm to understand, Alvin came by the PO this morning to tell Crystal so that she could pass the information on to the “folks”. Me? I' relieved, for Joan's sake, as, surprisingly, is Crystal who added to the statement “At least her suffering is over.” Yes, that IS a relief. She'd been in hospital for quite the while. And, obviously, she was suffering, with the discomfort of the illness, the knowledge that it was advanced, AND that her O2 levels must have been drastically low. Of course, there's the “selfishness” on my part, the worrying now about what will come of this house, what will come to move in next door, the fact that that place probably won't be properly heated over the Winter (no doubt, they'll just drain the pipes and cut the heating completely, meaning I'll have to “compensate” here...), but most of all, WHAT will move in, IF Alden decides to re-rent there. Let's face it, there's nobody in New Russia who'll want the place, and the “folks” from around probably aren't as respectful of property... but then, I shouldn't be so judgmental. I really don't KNOW about the locals. I can only imagine. I just wish I knew of some-body who'd make “good neighbour”. Oh well... it won't be “immediate” any-way. After all, it was a “fluke” that I happened to find this place and want it. And Alden DID say that he tends to not rent quickly. AND, he DID introduce me to Joan BEFORE agreeing to rent to me. Perhaps he'll extend the same consideration to me... And there's the rumour that he, Alden, had said “It's nice to have some-body who appreciates all the work I put into the place.” We shall see. Meanwhile... Once again, as it was in Richford: I'm in the house alone. How odd. (Then again, now I can get on with things here with-out thinking about any-body else?) - I hear Crystal's just left. Ah... the house is, literally, empty, save for me. Today, as the snow falls (and accumulates) out-side my window, it's a rather “odd” sort of feeling. Admittedly, there was “some little thought” bouncing about in-side that kept saying “She'll be back.” Nope. No she won't. It's me... only me... just me now. I just hope Alden doesn't throw the entire place on the market! Honestly, I can't afford rent any higher, so “moving”, re-locating isn't an option. I don't want to leave New Russia and I most certainly DON'T want to move again! Not to mention: I don't have the truck at this point! Moving will be a horror! And the alternative? “Old Folks' Housing”... in Plattsburgh. Leaving “the Blue Line”. I NEED to STOP THINKING THIS MATTER TO DEATH... ITS DEATH AND MINE! - And... the furnace kicks up. Still set at 62F. Hmmm... I probably should check the tank. At least, for now, there's another 100 gallons on HEAP available. I'm trying to keep that down to, at least, the VERY least, mid-month! OK. So here it is, there it is, there we have it. - The snow falls, the place goes silent and still... In reality, nothing's changed except my perception of the situation. And THAT, is all a result of that “Thinking” shit that I do...
I think, there-fore, I deconstruct.
to my own detriment.
Let's see where this all goes. Once again, only “Time” will tell. - 12.38 Just back from a “visit” to the Reiners' to “offer condolences” and “offer assistance”. One item of importance: when I mentioned a couple of comments made by Ms. Biddy (“Jessica”, as Alvin refers to her), he told me: ”Strictly off the record, Jessica had a tendency to escalate things.” When I reiterated my checking on Joan that day that “ended” our “relationship”, he understood and re-assured me. Then told me of the horrors of what had rented my place, single mother with infant, child's father “just out of jail”. Then told me that Alden already knows that Joan's died, and that there will be family and friends coming to remove things from the place. “The rent's paid through January.” (Well, of course it is and that's really not my concern any-way.) But it's good to know that people will be coming and going... one would think that would be a matter brought to immediate attention to me any-way but... so be it as it is. (On the “selfish” perspective again, the rent's paid through January so the income for Alden is deferred for that period, not to mention the need to remove items from the place. “Time-consuming”, as it were. So, other than maybe having to deal with “friends and family”... I'll suppose they won't be hauling into the wee hours. There's a bit of solace to be had knowing that “mayhem” will be postponed... for, well, a couple of weeks more... I can only hope.) But, I've gone, done my “civic and civil duty”. My offers were, again, not surprisingly, declined, if not “dismissed”. But, just as I'd sent a “Thank You” for the dinner... I remain “civil”. Knowing that the hamlet sees Ms. Biddy as a source of some contention is comforting as well. Where this all goes is... “Time”. - For now? The snow continues to fall. The state just passed with the plough, though there's nothing to be “ploughed” (yet). Winter will now settle on the hamlet and as for the world? It will continue, as it does. A member of a community, a family, has died... and some-where, a child is born. The “cycle” continues. Nothing in Creation is “eternal”. (I wonder: me next? Or... who?) - 22.23 NEW KITCHEN! After “meal” (chicken and rice and black-eyed peas and black beans with ice cream after and cranberry juice with) I decided to take the plates out of the cup-board and put them on the counter where I can access them (and clear space in the cup-board for food). So... with the wire cut for shelving in 5199 and the length remaining of 2x4 from the lamps... I cut the 2x4 to the length of the cub-board over the stove, clipped the wires to a “proper” length, broke out the drill, put 2 tiny holes UNDER the cup-board, screwed in the wires, placed the2x4 across and... SPICE SHELF! NO MORE COUNTER CLUTTER! THEN... drilled holes, put in screws... THE UTENSILS ARE HANGING OVER THE STOVE UNDER THE SPICES! THE PLATE RACK IS ON THE COUNTER IN THE CORNER WITH PLATES AND 4 GLASSES ON IT! IT LOOKS AMAZING! THE WHOLE KITCHEN IS BRIGHTER! As I “celebrated” with a v-cran, I just “FELT” that I MUST “SAGE” tonight... particularly because I realised that I can be certain that Joan didn't “leave” with any good feelings toward me (though Alvin says she said that she'd had a “good life”). The house had been Hoovered so... out came the sage and I've just finished that too. CLEANSED! Especially for the “new year”, but mostly because, well... because. Hey! Little Girl is now across the road, that place is “empty”. THIS place NEEDED cleansing. And so... it's done. - Also, spoke with Donna this evening. This after-noon, sent a message to Dorothy asking about buying yarn. I need a blanket for the futon. She responded with “Please call me”. Nope. YOU call ME, thank you. Anyway, ALWAYS good to talk with Donna AND she said that Dorothy's said “He makes me laugh.” Ah... me... always making OTHER people laugh. OK. Fine. At least I'm good for that much. - And so, there we have the day. - One thing I MUST say is that it was a delight to be able to do the little “work” tonight, and the Hoovering, with-out concern about disturbing others. Ah... “NY living”. (Now... “work” has to be done to make certain that NO “New Englanders” move in and that what-ever DOES, isn't some kind of SHIT! Donna was almost tempted to come back North this evening when I told her about the place, but she's got multiple dogs and who-knows-what-else. Says she keeps her place clean and the “critters” are respectful and respectable. (One is a “pit bull” and, well... I don't know about how that would go over round here anyway.) So, she's not coming back up. Honestly, I don't think she'd handle the Winter very well anyway. - So, there we have it. The house is still, settled, “cleansed” and me? Well... looking toward going to bed soon enough. Tomorrow's Sunday... no rush to get out for smoke or such so I can stay in bed until...

Sun.05.Jan: 16.42!!! WELL DAMN! Dragged me out of bed this morning at about 10.00 and... it's been “ROLL!” ever since! Coffee went on, I got dressed to head out to a beautiful Wint'ry Sunday morn. Not too cold. -3° I saw at one point. Feeling really none the worse for the TWO v-crans before getting to bed at 1.45 this morning. THEN came the brain-storm of trying to put hinges on the ply-wood panels in that “washer/dryer cubby” in the kitchen. THAT'S what too the entire rest of the fucking day! Until... quite actually, JUST about 5 minutes ago! For some reason, my brain just REFUSED to co-operate with the placement of the hinges (that I, fortunately, “inherited” from the 5199 barn). Fuck me! Placed them “here”, then “there” then “this way” then “that way” then... tried them before attaching to the wall... had to re-arrange them, couldn't find screws of proper length... tried cutting “paint sticks”, then had to “carve” holes for the screws and THEN... didn't use that wood, and FINALLY figured out how to fucking mount the one panel to the wall and against my plans and wishes... 4 screws and... IT'S A BIT OF A “DOOR”! THEN... came the re-arranging of all the shit in that corner and on that shelf and figuring how to make the panels look more like a cup-board and stacking boxes behind it and... well... it all just went ON AND ON AND ON! MEAN-WHILE, Mr. Alvin's come to take Ms. Diva's car out of the drive AND some-body (family or what-ever) came by for a few hours. The were, I must admit, quite quiet over there AND didn't bother with me at all. It's not that I WANT to be bothered by them. I'm neither friend nor family. But I just find the entire situation a touch on the “rude” side. Especially Alvin. But... perhaps they're all “mourning” or some sort of a thing. None of my business, really. It's VERY much like being back in The City: People in buildings die on a regular basis. Unless we've spent time at kitchen tables over coffee or the likes, none of us has any-thing to do with deaths and the sort. So too, here. I suppose it's part of what I came “home” for. At least there's no pretending or pretense made... such as “Will you be coming...?” or “Would you like to join us in...?” There's talk about a “Celebration of Life” do, come Spring, perhaps a bit of a “concert” in “the park”. Let's just hope nobody decides to take a collection and expect me to “participate”. My thinking is: I've been here almost 6 months and save a birthday card and a “Winter season” card, NOTHING'S been done to give me the impression that I'm a welcome addition to the community. So? So... thank you but no thank you, you're welcome, indeed. - And now... 16.55, 2 burgers are in the oven (still a touch frozen), with the last of the rice, with the last of the first tin of black-eyed peas and some black beans. “Meal” is being prepped. Doubtful it'll be ready to eat in 5 minutes but... oh well. (To think: I didn't take time for tea today! And there's no bread, no cookies... and no ice cream after tonight's serving! I'm BEHIND! OK. Things to do on Monday. I'm not planning on “toddling” before Thursday anyway, to get butter and ice cream... IF weather permits.) - It's been a “busy sort of day. - Oh yes... and the place got Hoovered again. So ALL is “settled”... as if NOTHING took place all day. - Now, the sun is setting and the sky is darkening and I sent off a message to Dorothy asking if she'd be free to “phone-chat” after 19.00 this evening. No reply. I don't care. - 21.03 already. And I've just “completed” my “DIY” efforts. The kitchen washer/dryer, and just now, with the help of an “acquired” hack-saw, took a “FamDoll” rack, that I'd been using for spices in the kitchen, “modified” it so as to put it in the shower where shampoos and the likes are now up and out of the way. BY GOODNESS ME! (Now, to patiently await the “notice” of either increased rent or the “termination of rental”. I can't shake that uncertainty at this point. I've experienced it before: “You'll have to leave.” “Home”, even when mortgaged, is NEVER “permanent”. Even Ms. Jacquie can attest to that.) But the place is “settling”, looking more and more like it's being carefully attended, looking more and more like a “home” and less like a “flop”. Well? For as long as is possible, it's a shelter, a place to bathe and sleep and cook and eat. “Time, as always, will tell. - Got another “brush-off” from dear Dot. At 16.42 I asked if she'd be “available” after 19.00. At about 20.00, a “Sorry. Can you call in the morning...” &c. I replied that “Weather permitting” I'd be on the road. Her reply, “Call when ya get back.” As Donna put it “On Dorothy's time.” I should think not. It's not so much the “call when ya...” as it is all the “I'll call you tomorrow” BS. AND the “He gave me attitude” statement she made to Donna. “Attitude”? Darling! You KNOW who I'm related to. Think and say what you will, I've had a life-time of accusations, un-founded. It's not “attitude”, it's simply “intolerance” and “immunity”. - OK. So much for that. I was pondering a snooze but at this hour, I should simply give the day and go to bed. Problem is: 6 hours from now it will be 3.00 and chance are, I'd wake then... and that's a day that's entirely too long! So I'll do what I can to “amuse”. The “DIYs” are done... for now. And no, I'm NOT going to toddle into town tomorrow. No need, really. Not until Thursday anyway, when I can get smokes and stop at the market. So there. - 23.18 Time for BED! THIS day has been ... I can't think of the word I wanted to put here. It's been happening a lot lately, can't find a particular word. Hmmmm.... “PRODUCTIVE”... (I kept thinking “progressive”... shit!) And I had a bowl of “Beef-Barley” soup earlier. I was HUNGRY! Can't think of why. Followed with an over-sweetened peppermint tea. Oddly, I was chilly most of the evening... now I sit here in a bit of a sweat. The sugar? The furnace has been up a couple of times. (Still set at 62F though... It's getting nippy out there.) But I can't figure the sweating. So? So... a quick last smoke, brush the teeth and off to bed. Only 1 issue of “Adirondack Life” left to browse. Next? Re-read a book!

Mon.06.Jan: 8.52 Lights went out at about 0.30 this morn, and after a re-filling of the upper-right tooth (space) with ANOTHER lousy “DenTemp” (which will, no doubt, be gone before day's end... pisses me off... TWO containers, useless), I fell asleep with precious little effort. Sadly, up twice to pee during the night, but went directly back to sleep until... once at about 5.00-something, then at 6.00-something and finally got out of bed at 8.30. Now THAT was quite a night of sleep. But I had to force me to get up this morning. I truly probably could have just stayed in bed. And, with the chill in this morning's grey, and the light flocons de neige (I wonder if there's any such thing as “flocons” of any-thing else... this morning's “ponder”), and nothing other than getting to the pages of photos for here on the agenda, I see no reason why I shouldn't just go back to bed until... But I shan't. I shall stay up and get about and... what-ever. And, as is usual, at 23.00 or later, I shall wonder what happened to all the hours of the day and find some-thing that will require my attention and... We're off to another day. Although, today is a “week-day”, so there might be something to create a bit of havoc. Faith. Indeed. But for now, the cofee's on, I'm in from a smoke, dressed and.... off we go! - 15.33 Well... other than... well... 2 loaves of bread in the oven... with the “whole wheat” flour. Curiosity. Smells great though. We shall see what comes of it. - Shopped. Tea-towels, pot-holders, biotine, O'Keefe's... then to Ikea for 300 more tea-lights. (I'm on 2nd round of terracotta heater... and the furnace set at 60F because it wouldn't stop kicking-up this morning and the temperature in here is “64F” and not too bad, while out-side, it's just chilly/warm enough to be damp!) - Other than that? Another day has slipped by. It's rather amazing. Feels like I just woke up and got out of bed! I don't know HOW time goes by so quickly. - Got today's post. “FedLoan advice” on “interest”. - Checked the banque. The rent cheque is still out-standing. I wonder why that is. But then, with a money order, I never knew one way or the other. At least now, if the cheque goes “missing”, I'll be able to re-send... immediately. OK. Maybe Alden's all into Joan's death. I don't know. I've no doubt I'll find out... soon enough.- 23.23 Imagine that. Well? I did bake 2 loaves of “bread”. Darker than I'd like. But it does have a nice flavour that takes some getting used to. 2 small loaves that won't last but a bout a week... if that. BUT, the bread pans are quite wonderful! The bread just fell right out of both and they washed perfectly. So there's that. (Can't wait to be asked to “review”.) - And, I DID cut that furring strip across the top of the “cabinet”, this evening, of course. Tried gluing them on with “polyethylene” glue. One side's already fallen off. I've re-glued. Let's see what tomorrow brings. - And, aside from that, I kept “busy” all during the day and of course, want to take a shower and was hoping to do so WELL before this but, just got hungry again. Thankfully, I've a list of “shopping” for Thursday's “Bammazoon” shopping. Not to mention a need to get into town for smokes and “dairy” and hopefully, some “greens”. I don't know why, but I've a raving for greens lately. Body's telling me. Other than that? Nothing. No computer work. - Oh, “meal”, 1 burger and 2 potato pattie-things. Not very filling, but something... better than nothing, I suppose. There's more beef and chicken in the freeze, soups, rice, but I just didn't feel like getting all into cooking tonight. - Meanwhile, out-side, it's gotten a touch warmer than it's been all day and there's a light snow falling. - And on this note... I'm off to a quick shower. Why? Not sure. I just feel I'd be better if I take one. And then, off to bed to the last of the Adirondack Life magazines and then? HOPEFULLY... a night of sleep. (Of course, as I believe I mentioned this morning... now that it's time to go to bed... I don't want to. I don't know why. I'd just rather sit up and watch... re-re-re-runs of shit I've already re-watched. Night... I don't know what the Hell happens when it gets here.

Tue.07.Jan: 1.03 AND... yes, showered... and yes, last smoke... and yes... more fucking “Fry and Laurie”... and yes... off to brush the teeth and take the fucking nap... at last... as usual... as late. - 8.39 'tis. I am clothed. The front of the residence is swept of snow (not much of it). The PO has been cleared as well (or... ass swell), giving me a clue as to the “sound” I “heard” in my half-sleep of the morning when, in a state of pre-waking, I thought I'd heard an attempt at opening the front door, which caused me some concern in the mist of a mind trying to stay asleep. Probably Mr. A. of next-door, banging against the house with a shovel. (WHY the PO should be cleared so early in the morning when, at the earliest, it won't open until at least 9.30, is beyond me AND WHY it's SO impossible for some people to consider the banging against the home of another could be annoying or startling and they've NO thought to the matter is beyond me but...) Coffee is in the press. The “cabinet” is back to where it should be, the glue having “set” (I should hope) and the morning continues, as it does, to roll along, a touch over-cast yet not too terribly cold. And indeed, I did sleep through the night (morning) until some time a mere 20 or 30 minutes ago. As 'tis said; “All is well.” Now? To stuff another day away. - 20.26 Well? Another day... “Accomplishments”? None. Sorted the “Adirondack Life”. Made “veggies, black-eyed peas & eggs” for “meal”. 2 dozen cookies baked after. Other than that? I really can't boast of anything. WOW! Started a bit of a “eulogy” to post for G's on the 20th. 46 years ago. Doesn't seem possible! But, as I type, I just want to take a “snooze”! So, I'm thinking: Never mind “snooze”. I'm having a hot water and going to bed. If I get up REALLY early, I'll just get on with the eulogy and some “animations” for G's. It might do be good to start getting up before sun-rise again. Besides... I'm smoking too much, the cookies are almost gone already, and there's an un-easiness in-side for some reason. I don't want music, 'tele”, soc.med. Bed. - 22.50 WELL! SO MUCH FOR THAT FATIGUE! I WENT BOOK SHOPPING AGAIN!!! “Abe”, of course. 18$ that I really don't have but:
CITY UNIQUE, William Weintraub
THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA, C.S. Lewis
JEWS ITHOUT MONEY, Michael Gold
(Looking at my order, I thought I'd ordered Isabella Rossilinni too but apparently I didn't. Oh well... next shopping... perhaps I put it on “Save for later”)
Anyway... this means another book-shelf/case to be built. (As if... I don't know that there's enough lumber in the garage, not to mention the permission to take more at this point.) But... more reading! - Meanwhile, “Resurrection” is at hand and I'm off to bed! - Started the notes for the “blurb” for G's. I think I'd do better with a drink (or 2) for that. But it's too late now and I need to be “in shape” for Thursday's “foray” in to town again. - So... just in from last smoke. Off to brush teeth. I've had the furnace up to 70F for too long. The house is TOASTY! Nice for going to bed. - Let's see how the night rolls! HOPEFULLY early sleep, restful sleep.

Wed.08.Jan: 6.37 And yes, I'm up, dressed, coffee in the press, in from a smoke and rolling as if it were 9.00! NOW! If I could just get back to bed tonight, at a civil hour, this would be delightful! - First thoughts: shopping tomorrow and deciding whether or not to take the trash pick-up service at 30-35$/month. Ah... well... we shall ponder the trash a bit longer and not look forward to sore feet tomorrow evening. For now? “Onward Buttercup! There's fuckery to spread!” (I suppose.) - The sun isn't even making the appearance of even wanting to rise yet. Lovely! It's more like the “old days”. At this hour, my mind tends to wander back to Valentine Ave., coffee at kitchen table, laundry in on the soak, and wondering if the subways will be running on time. Those were the days. (I should take out paper and write mother.) - 18.37 “Meal” (a chicken thigh and rice followed by fresh-from-the-oven cookies... which were a touch over-done) is done and too, the dishes. After meal smoke done and... the “NEWS” du jour: This after-noon, I was chatting with Dorothy when I saw, through the window, the FedEx truck pull up across the road. I suspected nothing until the guy CAME TO THE DOOR! TEA-LIGHTS ARRIVED! IKEA, though quality leaves much to be desired, is INCREDIBLY QUICK! So... 400-plus “heaters” in the house AND just in time because... AVERY CAME YESTERDAY AND, AT A COST OF 59,99$ *FUCK ME*, PUMPED ANOTHER 21,9 GALLONS OF PROPANE IN THE TANK... WITH-OUT NOTICE!!! I PHONED TO “INQUIRE” AND WAS TOLD THEY “CHECK” EVER 42 DAYS! “CHECK”? WELL, I TOLD THE NICE GAL THAT I'M ON A STRICT BUDGET, THAT IT MIGHT HAVE CAUSED A PROBLEM. (Though, on second thought, I don't HAVE to pay immediately... but if I do, the cost is lower, still.... they extend “credit”, as it were but still, that's 60$ LESS that I now have for the rest of the month, THE FUCKING RENT CHEQUE STILL HASN'T CLEARED and THANKFULLY, there's money in the account to cover the RENT AND PROPANE. I'M STILL NOT “HAPPY” ABOUT THIS SHIT! But I'm sure it's better having to deal with Avery than Amerigas.) OK! SO... Ms. Gal “noted the account” when I told her that I budget for income on the last Wednesday of the month and she said they'll “adjust accordingly”. We shall see. Meanwhile it fucks with my budgeting now. Oh well. - Meanwhile, I JUST received notice: I DID order the Isabella Rossalinni book and it, along with Narnia, have shipped today! So too, my tea towels and pot-holders and “biotine” AND the O'Keefe's! (There's difficulties with the DenTek and THAT's going to be needed soon... I just opened the last “Dentemp” and that too, the THIRD one, is fucked! I'm PISSED about that! A curt e-mail is to follow, to be sure... and that shits from South Fallsburg so... we're heading into “family turf”. NO sympathy! AND I'm pissed about the questionable service from the suppliers of the DenTek. But... other items are en route... including BOOKS! YAY! - While I'm here, this morning was a delight. I went for the post to receive some “Final Notice” from some shit-bag, Californian office that was making promises to handle my student loans... for a fee! The notice clearly read, through the pane “Final Notice” and has NOTHING to do with any actual finances! I looked them up and found a BBB listing with HORRIFIC notices, so I put my own up on TrustPilot. Another “confrontation”, with this “Fenix Financial Services” is due before end of week. - Jeff was in the PO too and read the “Alvin thank you homage” to Ms. Biddy and he had a FIT! SO... it all came out, in front of Crystal, about Jess's instigations and other difficulties in the hamlet caused by her. I attributed the falling-out with Joan to her AND added that the worst of it now is that it can NEVER be resolved! I mentioned that I need to take care of license and registration and such at the DMV and do NOT want to go to E-Town whilst she working there! Jeff mentioned that he purposely sent his registration renewal directly to Albany. Yes indeed... Ms. Biddy's reputation is about to go “out” amongst... - So it's been a day. Indeed. Tonight, before bed (hopefully in a few hours from now), I'll have to clean and re-fill the lower right tooth. That filling's gone and I'm not taking chances. - Tomorrow is (hopefully) food shopping, on-line and in town. (I'm smoking entirely too much again for some reason.) - But for now, at the moment, the house is still and tidy and the day has rolled into the night. May the night bring early-to-bed and a night of good sleep, early rise tomorrow to a “good walking weather” day. - I DO have to say: having the money in the account and NOT having gone on any shopping binges is nothing short of “Divine Intervention”. I'm a bit shocked by that... and grateful! - 22.59 Well... the G's “eulogy” is complete. I never intended to be up at this hour but, well, it doesn't appear that I'll be taking that toddle into town tomorrow. The WIND is blasting down from the North tonight, the temperature now isn't much lower than the highest expected for tomorrow. (-13° now and with chill, the same for the day coming.) So? So. But I sat here tonight, in the silence, expecting to jot a few words into what I'd started last evening and, well, I've completed it. Of course, there's plenty of time before it gets posted, so I'll have the chance to read it over. But for now, my words are out of me and recorded else-where as the night grows bitter. - The furnace is up to 68F for a while now. It's kicked a few times but over-all, it's comfortable in the house. - I “smudged” again, tonight. I got the urge so there must have been cause. I'm considering light the terracotta heater too, before getting into bed. Though, in the living-room, I don't see much sense since it does take at least a once-through to make any difference. (I'm a touch annoyed: last night I read that this “soy” they make candles of these days, burns cooler than paraffin! Another bit of fuckery! No doubt too many knew that too many were using tea-lights for warmth and, well, the businesses weren't going to pass an opportunity. Less heat, more candles. More candles, more income for “them”! Bastards!) Oh well, I don't suppose it would do any good tonight any-way... not to mention, February and March are coming and February will probably be HORRIFIC with cold so I'll need those 400 tea-lights (and more terracotta pots). - For now, last mug of hot water and a few moments with Tolstoy and off to (hopefully) sleep. Tomorrow will attend as is fit.

Thu.09.Jan: 0.16 Well... a quick run-through before bed... ALL my Ambazoon items have shipped... even the Dentek! That's due on the 17th. ? AND... I see the rent cheque hasn't cleared BUT AVERY GRABBED THEIR MONEY! I'm annoyed... just fill the tank and go? Not very happy. And the line about it being “Auto”? It wasn't the last time... I had to call. Hmmm... something to investigate. But for now... BED! Wind is calmer but the temperatures are expected to plummet. Nope... no toddling.

Thu.09.Jan: 7.18 and Météo tells me... -14° with chill of -18 and a high of -9 for the day. Town toddle? I'll just wait the 3 hours and see. But I got out of bed at 6.30 and now, in from a smoke having dressed, done the coffee, fired-up the terracottas and away we go. Skies are clear. (No wonder it's bitter out there.) And there's water and ice on the main. That's not a good condition for strolling along, to be sure. (I'm making excuses.). Now? Check to see if FS are on the card and if so... shopping. At least food will be in the house. Smokes can follow later. - A good night's sleep anyway. That's nice. Though, I could have stayed in the bed. - And the furnace is kicking up. I COULD call for more fuel. There's another 100 gallons on HEAP and a bit over. But I keep thinking: It's still single-digit days in January. There's February to get through. And, this morning I realised that, if this gas delivery was 60$ from the 29th November, 21 gallons from since, the next delivery should be a bit less... let's just hope. Anyway... there's technically only about 2,5 more months of this “Winter” (though, in reality... it could be 3 or 4 more months, depending). We've almost made it through the first “Adirondack Winter”. It's been “OK” thus far. Ah, but “the days”, they are ahead. Hey... in time, things will settle... or simply pass. That's how “Life” works. - Let's get to the shopping and from there? From there. - 8.57 FUCKING 3°F out there in the brilliant sun-shine and I've only JUST finished “groceries” on-line! Almost 2 hours of that shit! But... just about every-thing was ordered. Now... “Tuesday” expected delivery. (I still need smokes and dairy but... NOT in this -16/-21°! ) AND... the sale of the book has been posted to CIBC! Not that I'm “rich” there, but 20$ is 20$ (CAD) and the account is still alive. BUT THE FUCKING RENT CHEQUE IS STILL OUT-STANDING! I DON'T LIKE THAT AT ALL! And Dear Dot's up and on the texts already. - Never mind all that. It's DAMNED COLD OUT THERE! So? So... I'll just “hang” and see what comes with the time. The sun's still trying to break o'er the mountains. Meanwhile... we “mean-while”. - 22.21 It's getting later than I'd like it to be and I'm just getting through the initial run through 4 years of “Billboard 100s” for 1971-1974 here! There's more work to be done on it... like, getting the Utoob links on, then working on the site-list for G's... 400 new tunes to add! And that's AFTER they get posted to the “channel” on Minds! But... I'm rolling with it. Today, I managed to make a lovely animation for the 20th: G's, retreat, respite, refuge, resort, remembered... with the screen-cap image that I got of the entrance... from ggl, of course. It's passed the time and kept me MORE than busy. And it feels good knowing that the place will still have a presence... in the ether, on the Internet. It won't be forgotten. (Though, I still wonder how many of us are still alive, not to mention, of our wits, and on-line. After Wayne happened by, there's been nothing. Though, there have been supportive comments on Minds about liking the “juke-box” pages. So.... ) - AND... A UPS GUY FROM E-TOWN SENT AN E-MAIL AND SUCH ABOUT THE BINOCULARS! HE DELIVERS IN E-TOWN AND HIS “BUDDY” COREY DELIVERS HERE! (The cute one.) SO, AS I BELIEVE, COREY WILL BE DROPPING BY TOMORROW EVENING, 17-17.30 TO LOOK AT THE BINOCULARS! I'M HOPING. (Not putting too much into it but... it would be a GREAT HELP!) - Had “meal”... chicken, rice, black-eyed peas. Baked about 2 dozen cookies after... and there's still more dough in the fridge for a few more dozens. Very nice, indeed. It's wonderful, being able to make things, keep food in the house... COOK, SIT, EAT... even do the washing-up after! - And I spoke with Donna. Dorothy will be there next week and she'll be going in for cataracts. She's like me: HATES doctors, HATES the idea of having somebody poking at her eyes. But I tell ya... if she goes through with it... I'm considering... if I can manage. - And that about covers the day. No, I didn't get into town so now, tomorrow, there's rain in the forecast but... I'll have to be out there in it. Better rain than the BITTER cold of today! And in the house, I never re-set the furnace and it ran a few times. I've kept the terracottas going though... to be sure. - So it's time to make the run through the soc.med... Groceries are coming (Tuesday). Books and other things are on their way. Tomorrow, tea-towels, pot-holders and biotine. “Shopping”. (If only I could figure the smokes... but... the exercise does me good... I suppose.) - And, again, as always... hope for a night's SLEEP! I had a “lie-down” today... laid in the bed because of the sun in that room and a 23° temperature, but never actually got any “rest” out of that. Tried for a 20-minute after meal... it was more like 10 minutes. So I should be able to get to sleep tonight. I'd LIKE to be up at 6.00 tomorrow... Why? I don't know... I just like getting up before sun-rise. And then... I'll be up and about when it's time to leave at 10.00. (I need to be back here early tomorrow... for the delivery AND ... “Corey”.) - So I'm off to... - 23.39 and... we're OFF!

Fri.10.Jan: 7.41 Double-digit day again already. - Yep, up and “morning routine” done, and after a night of WIND! I MEAN W.I.N.D.!!!!! As I laid in the bed reading, the wind hit the windows in the bed-room with such force that it made them “crack” and “thud” and all sorts of other not-window-like sounds! And the curtains swelled. Seriously! Had I NOT caulked AND gotten that plastic, I'd've had to move out of the room and into the kitchen! It was most “impressive”! To be sure. And I thought: of all the shit Ms. Biddy slung about, she wasn't shitting about the WIND! GOODNESS! Or, as became the phrase from govt. last year... “LORDY!” indeed! - Anyway... a quick check of météo this morn; -3° AND, of course... “neige début à 10h” ce matin. Câlisse d'MARDE! 10h! The heurre I intend to embarque (ma belle). Oh well... FUKKIT! “Neige” is better than “pluie” (and I'll just hope it IS neige and not pluie... just on account of because). - 10.59 TEA-TOWELS, POT-HOLDERS AND BIOTINE ARRIVED... USPS! WOO-HOO! AND... the “rains” are here and I'm prepped for toddling! OFF WE GO! - 14.29 MARKET DONE! LEFT AT ABOUT 11.15... GOT A LIFT WITH VIVIAN (SHOCK!) FOR THE LAST MILE BUT TODDLED THE ENTIRE WAY BACK WITH ONE STOP TO SIT AFTER THE BRIDGE AND A STOP TO CHAT WITH AND PET THE HORSES! (And take photos.) WALKED IN THE DOOR AT 14.13. ALMOST EXACTLY 3 HOURS! 8 MILES. 3 HOURS! THE WAY I FIGURE IT... I WALK 2,6mph BUT... ALLOWING FOR 30 MINUTES BETWEEN FamDoll AND THE MARKET, THAT'S 8 MILES IN 2,5 HOURS WHICH MEANS MY AVERAGE SPEED IS 3,2mph WHICH, AGE AND CONDITION CONSIDERED, AIN'T BAD A'TALL! OK. So that said, I need to have a bit of something to eat, prep the chicken for the freeze, take a naproxen and, with almost a tank of propane, perhaps a shower! I don't smell too attractive AND there MIGHT be “company” at 17.00. So? So... off we go. No “resting” until time for bed! - 16.55 AND... chicken is cleaned, put up, 2 pieces in the oven. The house is as if nothing's been done all day (all YEAR). And I'm out of the shower! Clothes changed, in from a smoke. CKOI on. AND... now to wait for nobody to show. There's .... 17.06 THE BINOCULARS ARE GONE... 120... GONE!!! COREY JUST LEFT... AS I WAS TYPING, KNOCK AT THE DOOR. CASH. DONE. GONE. Oddly, I'm sitting here with this cash and wondering what to do with it (other than “hide” it on m'self). Everything I do is “plastic”. But HEY! THEY'RE GONE! I'm happy. And just in time for meal! - 17.14 Waiting for the rice to heat in the oven with a piece of chicken (to over-cook) and sitting here in disbelief... again. WHAT a DAY! The walk into town. Smokes in the house, more chicken, ice cream, butter, I even got a bag of salad greens (which I should have whilst waiting for the rice). The sale of the binoculars was... no trouble at all. I'm rather in awe. Then again... it's been like this from since I got back to NY... INCREDIBLE! - 18.28 Meal (spinach salad, chicken, rice, ice cream) is done, dishes are done, all back in order at last and I'm EXHAUSTED! Just sent a message to Mike to thank him for the purchase and assurance that if any-thing goes wrong, I'll make good. - I'm still in a bit of disbelief of this day. The rains held until I got back. I HAD THE MOST WONDERFUL CHAT WITH THE HORSES, AND HEAD-SCRATCHES AND SUCH ON THE WAY BACK. I can't believe I made the trip, got what I needed and was back in time to put the stuff up, get meal in the oven, clean-up, shower, change clothes... sell the binoculars... have meal, and all is back to “normal” (boring) by 18.30! WELL DAMN! WHAT A DAY! NOT to mention: A LIFT FROM VIVIAN! She and Alvin are the LAST people I'd've EVER expected that from (though I still seriously doubt Alvin would or will ever do like-wise but... one never knows until one knows). - And now? I'm going to have a lie-down! There's more “Nighty Night” tea in the house so... I just might avail m'self tonight. Nice, relaxing, night's rest. And tonight... no WIND! AND no bitter cold! AMAZING! Shabbat Shalom!

Sat.11.Jan: 1.15 and off to bed... after at Nighty Night. - 11.17 and WOW... I slept-in until 10.00! “Nighty Night” INDEED! SPIFFY! And it was “up”, put the coffee on, tea-towels in to soak in one basin (already hanging on the rack), “whites” in the other basin (still soaking), gather garbage from round the place to put into the bin out-side to discover that some-one decided to take Ms. Joan's garbage and put it in there as well (looks like I'll be taking on trash pick-up at month's end... get 17$ more income, spend 35, fuck). And I step out to the PO (for monthly “Trail North” statement) and as I open the door... ALDEN! LIKE DIVINE INTERVENTION! And we chatted. I asked about the rent cheque. Come to find out, Mrs. handles that (oh... I'll never understand) but there's no problem. I explained the cheque, he was assured, I explained it goes out when Soc.Sec. comes in... IMMEDIATELY, “I like that.” says he... but “priority” is “EAT first.” Imagine that. We chatted about Joan, Ms. Biddy and the such. And it appears all's quite well. In fact, he still remembers that I'd told him that this place was my “dream” and, as he left, he called back “You're dream's a reality!” and gave a “thumbs-up”. I am “at peace”. “Fate” and “Life” are taking compassion... so it would seem... at last... in my “waning years”. - But he's here and gone already. Says he wants to get back “before that ice storm you're expecting up here”. - As for that... I see, out-side, this morning, the thermometer is reading 50F! All is wet and damp and melting and tonight, we're expecting MASSIVE PLUMMET, frozen rains and such. The power company sent word via e-mail last night about it. Oh... “Winter”... in “The North Country”. Oh well. 'tis to be. Welcome “Home”... “at the end of the world” as it were. - And so, this morning, the lavage is in swing, the place is “settled” and we roll along. In about 30 minutes, Crystal will be gone and “life in New Russia” will be... “us”. - Oh, Alden and Jeff were “joking” about new “tenants” next door. “I want a single mother, with 10-12 kids who look completely different from each-other. She'll have to have an addiction of some sort, alcohol, drugs.” Jeff replied “Give me a half an hour and I'll be back with about 10 of those.” And then Alden said, “No, I'll have to find somebody compatible with the place.” And then complimented me on my maintenance of this place, and added “If you know of anybody....” I told him about Donna and how she makes me look like a complete slob when it comes to house-keeping. I've a feeling he regrets that she wouldn't take the place... even with the dogs. But, all said, it was a case of “Divine Intervention”, the timing couldn't have been more perfect. A wonderful tonic to the soul. - OK. It's 11.30 already. Sleeping-in is a delight, especially since it was “restful”, but there are “items” on the list and it's time to get rolling here. Good that “provisions” are in, thanks to yesterday's “toddle”. Now, to see about prepping for “Hell” tonight, making sure things are “secure” and keeping the place warm. - Life... in “The North Country”... in the little, almost forgotten hamlet of “New Russia”... in a “dream”... in a dream. - 13.10 In here, all of the washing is done, hanging. Dishes are put up, the place is tidy and settled. - Meanwhile, out there, the skies are cloudy, there's a gentle wind blowing through the trees, coming from the South. There's an un-seasonable warmth to it all and road, drive and grass are wet with melt and yet, traces of ice linger. Out-side my kitchen window, a pick-up truck with cart-in-haul attached... Joan's bedding is packed into it and there's a party of 5 removing her earthly belongings from house to truck. As I washed clothes, I saw, with-out paying too much conscious attention, to the activity. But, in my mind I can't help but think: my turn will be coming one of these days. And too, how it is, that we acquire and accumulate those items that give us comfort or aesthetic joy, like paintings, items, souvenirs of moments that had some importance to us, only to “leave them behind” when we depart, and others come, take them away and either adopt them, with sentimentality of some kind or... simply toss them, given away to others or... turn them to the earth... as with our physical remains. All things in Creation are temporary; nothing is eternal. Every “thing”, from the beginning of time until is for the moment, the moment that we are here and so soon, so relatively quickly, all is simply disposed of and, eventually, forgotten. So it is... so... it is... all. - And I've checked the forecast for the day. High temperature today of approximately 60F... in JANUARY. “January Thaw”? Perhaps. Tonight, all positive temperatures but, indeed, for several hours, freezing rain turning back to regular rain and then, several days through the week of positive-numbers. On first glance, it appears to be non-threatening, but then, life-learning keeps some of us aware of the fact that Nature will do what it will, and often-enough, even an hour of “threats” can become horrors. Still, it's rather amazing how, at one point in time, I can step out onto the porch in comfort and with-in the time it takes to come back into the house and close the door, temperatures can plummet and all can change to “Hell broken loose”. I wouldn't have any other life. - Well? It's time to get back to the little “task” of getting files, links, music and such completed for the “G's” affairs. THAT proves to be an emotional jolt. The memories that come slamming with the sounds of music. No “regrets” to speak of, other than regretting that those moments in the past aren't these moments as I sit here. Not to mention: Denis, in particular. The re-connections that gave me such joy... it seems they're severed once again. There hasn't been even so much as an acknowledgement of any of my “texts” or photos sent. Why? I don't know now and, undoubtedly, never will know. Oh well. He's the same today as he was in the days and nights I went looking for him, hoping only just to see him, hear his voice. There was never any guarantee that he'd be where-ever I looked. And today, it's really quite the same: one just doesn't know where he is, how he is. But, truthfully, though it's not “painful” to me now, no “heart-aches” in his absence, those old emotions, the love, linger, though tempered with and by a shroud of “protection” against the “hurt”. We've grown old, “jaded”, as it was called, “protected”. And again, I have to wonder: Are we created with a finite ability to “love”, and, in the ignorance and stupidity of youth, we just dispense it carelessly, never giving thought to a time when we would, no longer, be able to have, feel, experience, give that love? Or, do we just grow weary of the pains and joys of our emotions, and, like pains of the body, where the discomforts eventually become “common” and the body adjusts in exhaustion, and the pangs of love become nothing more than a fleeting inconvenience? What-ever it may be, so it is. - Well then, back to the “chore”... though it be of love and sentimentality, “MY” love and sentimentality. At least, if the adage “Once on the Internet, always in existence” has any truth, my “yesterday” will remain... though, of course, not “eternally” because... NOTHING in Creation, is “eternal”. 24.22 I've been trying to work on the “banners” for the new music lists for G's and I'm exhausted and it's chilly in here (though sticking to the 68F as usual...) and the rain is still falling with a forecast of freezing in about an hour or so and staying that way until about 6.00 (tomorrow). So I'm going to bed... I can pick this up later.

Sun.12.Jan: 8.31 I JUST ACTUALLY THOUGHT IT WAS DECEMBER and ALMOST kept that date! “LORDY!” Yes, I'm up, dressed, smoked, coffee on, &c, but no, apparently, my brain isn't with me. Oh well. But then again, with all the rain, and the water all round out there and temperature of 1° and the clouds covering all but the lowest hills across the way... (but I see -15° for tonight), it IS a bit more like December or even March-April. Not complaining. Thinking “oil”. Well, OK then. I'm up and about having forced me to get out of bed at 8.00. - Had a couple of “dreams” during the night. One was rather disturbing but I can't remember what it was, the second was aggravating, but I can't remember that one either. The last, just as I woke, was a “comment” on Minds, that had 73 “down-votes” and I thought: “Well, you reported those neo-Nazi channels and, no doubt, they've a massive following who probably figured out who reported them. Not to mention, I've no doubt that the “admins” reported to the channels and there we have it. Let's just hope the channel isn't deleted. It would be just them to do that.” And that's when I got up and out of bed. - It's because of all the work being put into “G's”. Oh well, OK. And speaking of which, I still have to figure how to plug 400 tunes onto that... before Saturday. But sitting here, typing this, isn't getting me any closer to that so... ON WITH THE DAY! Eh?

Mon.13.Jan: ARRIVALS IN THIS MORNING'S POST!!! 1.13 WELL! I've been BUSY! Managed to get the new “Groups” done on the G's Minds channel.... 1971-1974 WITH BANNERS! AND just finished posting ALL of 1971... 100 songs! I THOUGHT I'd put them on at 20 per, but just got carried away as I went through the list! HAH! THEN... started on 1972 and, well... at one point as I was working, I HAD to shut the router and modem down! TOO MUCH TRAFFIC! THEN... Minds went down! MINDS WENT DOWN! I guess I'm just shoving too much onto the technology. Oh well... My ONLY concern is to make sure that this lap-top doesn't get exhausted. (I think I'll send a copy of this journal to me... on e-mail, tonight/this morning... just in case.) - Other-wise, a day in the house. There were breaks of sun-shine. I managed a 20-minute snooze. The temperature out there stayed pretty mild but tonight, it's gone BITTER again. The house held at about 68F all day. It's just now hitting 66F and chilling. So I'll be getting a copy of this posted to me and then... hitting the bed. A nap for all concerned. When I get up, I can get 1972 finished. At this rate, the “channel” will be complete before the week is out. THEN... comes the bit of putting it all on the server! Now THAT'S going to be a task. But... It's G's! And THAT “dream” too, has come true. So... We work on it. - Anyway... having my hot water. This evening GROCERIES should be arriving with more licorice tea and Earl Grey and pasta, and juices and such stuff. FOOD. Lentils too! There will be FOOD in the house again! The bills are paid. Food in the house. 2 packs of smokes not yet opened. Enough for another 2 days before those. Propane in the tank. Enough on HEAP for another delivery. Thus far... SO FUCKING RESPONSIBLE of me. (Next? Get the binocular cash into the Credit Union and BUDGET for the TRUCK!) Always a little something. But, I'm doing well with keeping housing and THAT is THE most important... until... - OK... Get this wrapped-up. It's time to be in bed. Nothing on the agenda. All is ... well. - 9.57 and I'm only JUST in from smoke! Yes, coffee's on an I'm clothed, but getting out of bed at 9.37? Well... it was going for 3.00 when I finally put the lights out so. This is rather a luxury: sleeping until I wake. No panic, not judgment, other than mine of me. And no concerns about “chat” about “sleeping-in”. A luxury. I am living... “de luxe”. Charming. And only 2 more years of music to post during the day. And THEN I NEED to get back to the pages of this journal that I've been ignoring! How nice... something to “do”. Anyway, just watched as the clouds broke intermittently, o'er yon mountains where there's parts that are dusted with new snow, and the sun-light moved across, as BURSTS of BRILLIANCE, like a spot-light scanning the ridge. What a sight. Every morning there's something different, new, unique. Reminds me of Marie, on 14th Street, looking toward the Jersey sky-line every evening. “I don't need to hang art on my walls. Every day I step out here and look, and there's a different scene.” The sun-sets were her “art”. Me? I've got the mountains. - Today, groceries are due to arrive. Food in the house tonight. I've chicken and rice (from last night) for tonight's meal. Last night, again, it occurred to me that “meal” is the ONE thing I have in life now, the “routine”, the “constant”. 17.00 at table. Before and after is just “time”. Like patients in hospice: “the only thing they have any control over is their meal”. I'm “geriatric”, I suppose. What-ever. - The old guy in the red truck, “George”? came by this morning, stopped, asked “She not in yet?” and mentioned something about not seeing her on the road as he came in from town. “Wasted time.” he said, politely, and drove off. People DO talk with me here. I suppose it's still just a matter of them getting to know me. Well, in 5 days it will be 6 months here. Imagine? Half a year already. Still seems, most of the time, like half an hour. Then there are moments when it feels like much longer. Oh... time. (And then there's always having coming “home to die”. I wonder when THAT will hit. Still have to think: Mother's last 5 years were her best. But then again, I never expected to be here... 10 years “over my time”. - Ah... I hear the chatter from out the window. The PO will be opening. Another “event”. And when that's done... the day. Time to “roll along”, merrily or other-wise.
11.07 Mere moments ago, I reluctantly toddled next door to the PO, expecting a greeting and “I don't have any-thing for you.” and was rather shocked to received PARCELS! MULTIPLE parcels! WELL! Where to begin? The 3 “Denteks” and the “O'Keefe's” arrived! AND THREE BOOKS: “Jews Without Money”, “Isabella Rossalinni” and AN ABSOLUTELY PERFECT COPY OF “The Chronicles of Narnia”! ABSOLUTLE PERFECT! Incredible! AND the new “AAA” card as well! I am... in AWE! Especially when I think of the “Narnia” book! PERFECT! Even the spine is “brand new”! (The ONLY out-standing order is “City Unique”.) STUNNING!
13.37 THE GROUPS ARE POSTED!!! ALL 400 SONGS IN 4 GROUPS ARE POSTED! And to think I was “concerned” about getting it all done by the week-end. I still have to get them to the site, but they're on the “social media”! There's no telling how many people are actually interested in music of the 70s, but it appears, to me anyway, that “G's” is quite the “repository” of 70s music reference at this juncture. Ah... G's might be gone with mere archaeological trances, but its presence is now on what is rumoured to be “forever”. Another “dream” has become a reality. - In other “news”, my chest is quite rather “painful” at the moment. HEAVY! I'm attributing it mostly to the cold and damp in the house and to that end, have put the heat up. “Anxieties” of some sort. Can't figure why. But it's a very rather “odd” sort of sensation. “Old age”? Or simply anxieties. Can't really say, for certain. I'm thinking of a nap. Why? I don't believe that'll improve any of this, but, with all the “accomplishments” of this morning, and the “odd” hours of “sleep”... and there's time to nap. And with the heat coming up... Yes, a nap. And if I should die before I wake... it won't matter at this point any-way. They'll come and take what's here, off to a land-fill, and I'll have never existed. But? I DID manage to accomplish my dream of almost a half century.... I'll have “come home to die”. - 19.01 and now I'm exhausted. But food arrived... just shortly after 17.00! How nice! The ONLY negative with this shipment: the oatmeal container had been tossed about so roughly that it started to open, so the oatmeal is now in the “Coffee Crisp” and the “Rolo” ice cream containers. (GOOD SAVE on those.) But the crisps arrived perfectly safe and sound. Better than supermarket condition! So there's lentils, olive oil, licorice and Earl Grey teas, more coffee, THREE boxes of angel hair, cran-pom juice... edibles in the house (I have to make cookies... I think). Oh, and 5 lbs. flour (in addition to the 5lb bag of regular, plus about 1,5lb in the “container” and about 4lb whole wheat... I'm pretty set for flour now). And so... Corey delivered. I'd had chicken and rice in the oven, heating. I un-packed, sat to eat and now... am pre-occupieed with the books and what to do about shelving. OK. Fine. I also have to get 400 songs on the web-site. But... I DO believe I'll do the dishes and nap. The earlier one wasn't really much. - Meanwhile, the furnace is staying off... set to 68F. It's “damp” in the house though. -Yeah... nap. - 24.09 I was SO happy when I looked last and saw 23.00... oh well... This day is DONE! And quite a day it was. Deliveries all round! So now? Off to bed. There's 400 songs to be added to the G's site, and I moved the book-case (as it is) to it's side to fit more books but I don't like “the look”. Oh well... Turn the thermostat down and go to bed! There's plenty of “time” to mess with things later. OH and then there's all the pages for this JOURNAL! I've got SHIT to do!

Tue.14.Jan: 855 HERE WE GO WITH A CLOUDY, CHILLY, DAMPISH sort of day! 400 songs and a bunch of shit to do. And... I got out of bed at 8.15... ROLL! FOCUS! GET IT DONE... TODAY! - 16.55 Just getting “meal” started. Been working on the “Minds 400”, as I call it now... even though I've dsicovered it's only 399... list. “Open Office” CRASHED! FUCK! “Libre Office” to the rescue! And Now I have to get the links for 1972-1974 then alphabetise and then... what-ever. - Mean-while, Mr. Alvin is next door BANGING AND SLAMMING AND HAMMERING AND STOMPING! FUCKING OLD SHIT! - 23.47 Been working on the G's-site ALL ALL ALL DAY! Except for “meal”, of course. And NOW I'M DONE! - And it's been cold-damp-chilled in here ALL DAY! (I fucking hope I'm not coming down with anything! FUCK!) - Time to STOP!

Wed.15.Jan: Imagine... it was 18 years ago today that I left The Bronx... Rochambeau... the last “home” I ever had. Imagine. I realised as soon as I typed the date. *Happy Birthday Pookie*. I wonder where she is these days... - And so, I had a bit of oatmeal for a snack, watched a bit of “tele” (Brit), gleaned a Minds channel, and now? I've had the radiator in the bed-room for a few hours, on an extension cord. It's about 22° in there now. Nice. But I'll bring the radiator back into the kitchen. The cord gets “warm”. I don't like that. Shame, really. It's plugged into the “washer” outlet. That's holding well, but the cord... I'm not comfortable with the “warmth”. Oh well. - It's not really cold out tonight. Forecast has “freezing rain” but I don't see that happening. - Got plugging the new links into the document for the site. It re-news next month. 18$ I think. I wish I knew. I'll have to contact them. - Got an e-mail earlier, from Geico, saying mail was returned! I phoned. They have the address and the policy is fine. Will check with Crystal in the morning about “RTS” mail addressed to me here. Wouldn't put it past Biddy to have done. - Every so flatulent tonight! Can't quite understand why. Hopefully it's not the precursor to back trouble. It usually is. - But for now... off to bed... for a few hours. I need to get back to the html. (And I'm terrified about turning this lap-top off tonight! TOO MUCH WORK that could “go missing”! SHIT!) - 9.07 and out of bed, un-willingly, at 8.50. “Routine”, done. Not so cold this morning and the clouds appear to be under duress about staying. There's just the indication of a sun above them. I kicked the furnace up whilst out for a smoke and the place is toasty! (The furnace has been re-set to “civil”.) And first thought of the day: The “RTS” of insurance info. Charming. That follows a few “dreamlettes” just prior to getting up. I only recall the last one:
I was in a small, rural town, just, more or less, moved in. The place resembled Alburg, but it was in NY. For some reason, I was with a group of people and felt I had to get away from them so I hopped into my rather old, beat-up, “re-constructed”, what looked to have been a “red VW beetle” at some point in its existence, and headed up what resembled the 2 through Alburg, to the border. I was going to go to “Canada” just because. Looked at the fuel gauge and saw that I needed gas too. Ah, there's a Mobil station at the border, I thought, so I headed along. At one point, I was in a very tight place, surrounded, as it were, by little shops, and needing to manipulate my way out, almost drove into one of the shops. Hmmm... not drastic, just as “a matter of fact” and nothing more. Finally, making it to the border, a bit of an “out-post”, I saw that the Mobil station was on the Canada side and decided against going through, but having made it that far, I didn't dare turn round for fear of arousing suspicions so I got out, walked to the kiosk where, as an excuse for being there, I asked one of the Border Patrol guys “Are those stones on the Canada side? I've a need for a stone and wondered if I could grab one from there.” The older fellow said that they were on Canada and that I'd have to get... and I interrupted and agreed and said “I'll get the permission from the department. No problem, no rush.” Then the younger of the 2 said “Wait a minute. In New York, there are different approaches to this....” and I burst out “That's right! I'm HOME! I'm HOME again. I keep forgetting that. It's not the same here. I'm HOME now.” and got VERY emotional. So I thanked them both for being so professional and kind and went to get back into the “beater”. The driver's door was “attached” as a “sliding” sort of affair, heavily rusted. Embarrassing, really, the interior was a mess. And before I got in... I woke.
In hind-sight, I have to think the car was a “Mr. Bean” sort of vehicle, but REALLY rusted all round. Now I wonder what brought THAT sort of dream on, wonder what's in my head. Oh well. - Anyway, coffee's in the press, I'm dressed and at table and there's WORK to be completed... BEFORE the clock sweeps into tomorrow... again! - 16.52 THE NEW LISTING OF MUSIC, FOR THE “MINDS”LIST IS DONE! ANCHORS! NEW MUSIC! DONE! - And 2 loaves of bread have been baked today too! Now... “meal”. - 24.39 Well, we'll keep it on today for now... because it's been quite the day. The “Minds List” is complete and up and running. The “Blog” page is done and waiting to be up-loaded to the server. A new animation for G's was made. And the day? Well... I'm just in from last smoke and there's a delightful snow falling out there. - Donna had her eye surgery. I had to post a note to Dorothy for any news, but I posted just as Donna was waiting to “go under”. A quick message after... no “news”, just that they were both exhausted and heading to bed early. So? So... - Looks like the snow is expected to fall continually until Thursday evening. Figures... I'm on the last pack of smokes... not good. They SHOULD have lasted into the week-end. I've been smoking too much lately. Don't know why or when I've found the time. Then again, I'm smoking entire cigarettes lately, not “half at a time”. MUST get control over that. There's cash enough to get more, but I don't want to touch that. I want to hold the cash to have, and, if, FORBID, there's any sort of trouble with the binoculars, I'll be able to simply return the money with-out difficulties. Not that I'm expecting any sort of “difficulties”, but one never knows for certain. - Meanwhile... I don't understand why I don't want to go to bed, other than the chill in the room. But I must. And so, I look forward to finally getting these journal pages posted and up-dated next. Ah... I keep me “busy” with something at all times. - One note on the moment: I'm itching... like little “bites” or “pricks” on thighs and back. It came on suddenly. Hmmm.... - Oh, and “meal”? Pasta with butter. Just had a few slices of bread with peanut-butter and a bit of juice. Something in the tummy for the night. - Now... off to bed. It's time to “give up”.

Thu.16.Jan: 9.25 and... up, dressed, finished first coffee... AND... SHOVELLED THE SNOW! It DID (musta done) snow through the night! Thankfully, it's a dry snow... Must be a good 20cm out there. But I grabbed m'smoke and shovel and had at it. Got out of bed at 8.00, put the coffee on, got dressed and headed out. Was done by 9.09. Nice job of it too, I WILL say. AND... almost on cue, Crystal drove up. So, all was clean and clear on arrival. (Let them talk. I did a “typical me” of it, all neat and tidy.) And it feels quite good to have done. It's -1° out there, no wind, so it's a beautiful day for such work. And the state came by with a bit of salt, the town came by on Simonds Hill with the plough. All's well, indeed. - Now, this morning, at about 5.00, I was RUDELY awakened with HORRIFIC GUT-CRAMPS! SHARP! PAINFUL! Then off to pee. Can't figure WHAT in Fux name THAT was all about. Trying to recall what I ate yesterday. Perhaps the little remaining spinach greens? Or the un-cooked cookie dough? Oh well, what-ever it was, it was painful at 5.00 and I went back to sleep until 8.00. - BUT... woke from a strange dream:
I was at “Calvary”, working, my “last day”. I was leaving... the hospital and The Bronx, and though I was glad to be leaving the hospital (of my own accord) I was heart-broken over leaving the hospital AND The Bronx. I was working, but not in scrubs and on my feet, a pair of old, beat-up slippers. I'd “made rounds”, chatting with and bidding fare-wells to my patients and was walking along the hall to the lift when a “Nurse Supervisor” (not mine, particularly) came up and got into the lift with me. Said she, to me: “I see you really like your work here, but why do I see that you're wearing THAT foot-wear?” referring to the beaten slippers. Since it was my last day, I got the nerve to simply and calmly, though with a bit of anger because of the cause, said “I broke my foot recently and these fit with-out causing pain. I'm being careful about it.” She wasn't pleased with my answer, as was obvious by the “disgusted” look on her face, but she didn't pursue the issue and... I woke.
WOW! Leaving The Bronx? Such a dream on the 15th of January? Leaving Calvary? A job that I SO loved. And knowing, in the dream, that I was moving “North”, out of The City? On the 15th of January? It's REALLY in my mind!
One thing that TRULY BOTHERS ME now is that, even this morning, I woke, thinking it was “Wednesday, the 18th of January”. I had the same notion all day yesterday, and most of Tuesday! WHAT IS IT ABOUT WEDNESDAY, 18 JANUARY? I have to check and see when the 18th was on a Wednesday and, thankfully, hopefully, go back to this “Journal”. Hmmm....
Meanwhile, word from Dear Dot about Dear Donna: All's well today. They had an 8.15 “F/U” appt. and the “texts” are good. - 9.56 Toddled to the PO for... “CITY UNIQUE”!!! AND IT'S IN BEAUTIFUL CONDITION! ALMOST NEVER READ! THE SPINE IS BRAND NEW! I'M A-FUKKING-MAZED! - And a “notice” from... FUCK... “Vermont Health Connect”... just a notice that they sent notice to the fucking Fed about my “coverage” for 2019 with a little notation there-in that as of 2019, there was no “fee” for any time not covered. Yeah? FUCK YOU ALL... never mind it's mail from fucking VT, but that shit about being “fined” by the Ofukkernigger admin? Yeah? Come and TRY to get it! Honestly, the double whammy of “fines”, reference to that shit-bag AND from that shit-hole! THANKFULLY, the book arrived and in ASTOUNDING condition to off-set! - Anyway, for some reason, it's just gotten colder in the house and in me. All I'm thinking is: There'd better be NOTHING WRONG with this old body... not yet. I've G's and the Journal to finish. (But I'd really like another smoke. I shouldn't. As it is, I'm looking at a toddle into town... probably Sunday morning! SHIT!) - 12.52 and here comes the sun. The snows are melting and the temperature is expected to PLUMMET in just a little while. We're talkn' VERY single digits... and that's on the “F” scale! (And me? IF I manage to curb m'self, I've got 2 day's of smokes... so I'm looking at Sunday at the very latest, for another Town-Toddle. FUCK!) ANYwaaay... I've re-arranged again. Put the little terracotta heater in the bed-room corner, moved the PO light to the “book case”, tidied the place again and reinforced the tea-towel holder so it's perpendicular to the floor and not diagonal. I've a tea at hand (the Stash Earl Grey... I don't like it and thankfully, it's a light carry from market because I won't be getting from Ambazoon again). Bread and butter on the counter to “warm” and it's “TEA TIME”! - This morning, a contact from the afore-mentioned Ramazoons. My “review” of the “Dentek” was rejected! Yeah, because it's not “favourable” to the seller. So I contacted them via “chat” and, reiterating my “support” of and “appreciation” for their services, went into a veritable tirade about the false information posted by the seller on the site. “We will make it right”, was the reply from somebody with a name that has less vowels than an acronym. (India... what-ever would those people do with-out America?) Let's see how it all works out. - NEXT... an e-mail from GEICO... “We want you back.” WTAF? I JUST spoke with a rep who assured me that the policy is in order. I just don't get it. Only thing I can think of is that the e-mail was addressed to “gml” and perhaps all this “returned mail” and shit is associated with “VT”. Oh... HEY! THE 18TH OF THIS MONTH IS 6 MONTHS HERE IN NY! OK... So, there's an “association” with the 18th bit and this shit about shit from the shit-hole... well... let's hope it settles and goes away. - And, earlier, I stepped out for a smoke and John Deming was ploughing. He asked if the truck is running and I told him she's “under the weather”. He was concerned about ploughing it out for me. Imagine that! (The first person in town I got to “meet”, and was “warned” against... the only staunch Conservative... the only “other” one, in town. Nicest guy on the block, as it were.) - OK. So there's the day as it rolls away. Now, tea... I'd LIKE to have a nap but I SHOULD get to the new Journal pages! It's about the “Photos”... they're what's holding me back. But... On we go! - More pasta for “meal” tonight, I should think. Oh well... better than nothing. (There's plenty of chicken and beef in the freezer but... the box of past has one more serving... and there are 2 more in there. There's actually FOOD in this house! I'm... impressed.) - 21.59 Pasta for meal. Finished the peaches for dessert. Just had a “Nighty Night”. And it's getting BITTER out there! Expected to be REALLY BITTER tonight! I had the oven on for about an hour earlier and now, the thermostat is set at 70F for a bit. I'll set it back to 62F for the night when I get ready for bed. - Forecast doesn't look too thrilling... Tomorrow will be bitter, Saturday and Sunday, not much better. BUT... I've got a toddle coming and I've done longer in worse. - Never got to the Journal pages today. Re-worked some images for G's on Minds. Pleased with the results. Tomorrow I begin posting! - AND, TOMORROW, I'M CALLING AVERY FOR A DELIVERY. IF IT COMES NEXT WEEK, THAT'LL BE GREAT... FOR FEBRUARY, WHICH I EXPECT WILL BE “FROZEN HELL”! (I have to check the tank tomorrow too.) - OK. Day's done...

Fri.17.Jan: 7.52 Up at 3,4,5,6 and finally out of the bed at 7.37 to a clear morn of -16° with a chill of -24°. Charming. The furnace is running. I've kicked it to 70F for a little while, just to warm the walls for the rest of the day. And, although my brain is on some kind of “journey”, my body feels as if it's “floating else-where” (am I having a stroke?), I'm in “hyper-drive”... coffee's made, had a half-smoke on the porch, the terracotta heater in the living-room is lit and so things aren't “rolling” this morning... they're “RUNNING”! Why? I've no idea. A strange sort of morning, to be sure. I have to get dressed and check the oil tank. And I SHOULD think about going into town. OR... I could wait until tomorrow, see if anybody at the PO will be going in and get a lift (maybe) half the way. We shall see how this old body behaves in a bit. - Meanwhile... the Journal pages... have to get to them and then back to images/photos. Honestly? I'd rather go back to bed. - 10.04 INCREDIBLE! Been to the PO (for the “tax” forms from Soc.Sec. and Stewart's... may they fuck themselves with barbed hot-irons, repeatedly... the “news paper”, Cabot butter on sale Sunday), chat with Becky, AND *** WENT TO THE CELLAR TO CHECK THE OIL TANK ***. First of all, some-body closed the “inner” door and that came as a bit of a shock. I wonder WHO did that. Upon opening and walking into the cellar-proper... it was COZY! AH HAH! Keeps the cellar AND the floor here, warmer! BRILLIANT! *** BUT... UPON CHECKING OIL CONSUMPTION FROM SINCE 29 NOVEMBER... A QUARTER OF A TANK!!! THERE'S JUST UNDER A HALF TANK IN THERE!!! 68,75gals in 50 DAYS!!! 1,375gals/DAY! THAT SAID, IF I WERE TO HOLD AT THIS RATE, I COULD, ESSENTIALLY, PULL ANOTHER 100 DAYS BEFORE THE TANK WENT EMPTY!!! I AM *** SO *** FUCKING IMPRESSED WITH ME! *** OK... I KNOW that February isn't going to be as “kind” as December and January have been, and there's going to be increased need for, at least 30 days to come. BUT HELL and SHIT! I'm NOT suffering in here! THIS is AMAZING! *** - So yes, I'll ring Avery this morning, hope that they didn't fuck about with the HEAP balance and... prep for February's bitter cold and March's bitter cold and damp, and maybe even a little bit of April's WET and chilly. DAMN! A delightful reason to be awake! (Honestly, I'm shocking the bitter Hell out of me. The “Responsible” old me. WHERE have I come from? NOT asking! Just pondering.) - I'm actually hungry at the moment. Nerves are quieted. I'm amazed. - 16.43 WASTED THE WHOLE FUCKING DAY TRYING TO GET THE “ATT” SHIT-PHONE TO WORK WITH THE 50729 NUMBER FOR TEXTS AND CALLS BUT NOW I SEE THAT I HAVE TO TAKE THE DAMNED THING INTO TOWN TO GET IT TO CONNECT TO WiFi CALLING! “ATT” ISN'T WORTH THE SHIT I GO THROUGH! - Anywaaaaay... THAT said... OIL WILL BE DELIVERED ON TUESDAY! THAT was ANOTHER piss-off. They STILL have ME billed for the oil that was delivered to Ms. Diva! I spoke with another gal at Avery and checked my “balance on account” and sure as shit, that 16,9gals is STILL against ME! So now I have to wait until Monday to “speak with” the “co-owner” to get it settled. MOST of me is comfortable, thinking that it will be settled “properly”, but, there's the “me” who “knows things” and I expect a bit of a “battle”. Hopefully THAT part of me is WRONG! - AND G's SITE AND CHANNEL ARE POSTED FOR THE “COMMEMORATION” ENTRIES. AND “BOOSTED” (for all that's worth). Ready for the week-end. One “animation”, the “black” bulb, to be posted... on Sunday. - Meanwhile... -12° with chill of -17 now, dropping to -20/-25 tonight! -10 for tomorrow's “high”. Thankfully, there's enough oil to keep this place going. - The old guy who's been clearing Ms. Diva's place was here again today, with the assistance of Mr. Alvin. (I'd still like to know what they're going to do with her large table... but I don't expect to be asked about it.) They came. They banged. They left. And it's been quiet since. - “Meal” of 2 burgers, is in the oven. Home-made mustard with, tonight! Looks like I've no choice but to town-toddle either Saturday or Sunday. Sunday's “high” will be -1°... with “neige”, of course. But that's easier on the old body than -10. We shall see. (I'm making re-smoke rollies this evening.) - Other than that... this... and the other... I rang Ms. Donna, from the 50729, left a message. Ms. Dorothy says they're both “grumpy” today. Oh well... Such is life. - It's chilly in here now. And the furnace is set to 66F. The place has held at 68F most of the day, but the sun is setting so... we shall see... we shall see. - Thinking shower before bed tonight... necessary and warming. It's “Friday night”... c'mon, c'mon. (I want that snooze I didn't get earlier... but it's already 16.59... time for “The Five” already. Another day... pissed away. - 22.00 on the nose. The furnace kicked. -20(-4C) on the météo. There's a constant “chill” in the place. Hmmm... not “cold”... just “chill”. Can't figure where it comes from. Shit! It was warmer in the cellar today! Oh well. But the place is calm and tidy and in order and I'm done with the soc.med. and shit for the day. Time to hit the shower and the bed! This day is DONE! - 22.54 SCRUBBED! In from last halfie and now... TO BED! To read. Hopefully... to SLEEP!

Sat.18.Jan: 6 MONTHS BACK IN NY TODAY! - 6.56 AND I was out of the bed at 6.36, Why? Because. All too simply. AND, there's a hint of “morning” in the sky this morning at this hour. The nights, they're a-gettin shorter. So it's 6 months in NY, out of bed at 6.36, journalling at 6.56. And in that 20 minutes, coffee and smoke. Oh! 666! Imagine that! And the consideration of town-toddling today. NOT! Butter goes on sale tomorrow. So the toddle will be tomorrow. It's to be austere with the smokes from now til then. But I see no sense in making extra toddles. Not to mention, having to wrangle the financials. - At one point during the night, I woke with a horrid pain in centre-chest. This morning, much flatulence. Last night's burgers were extremely rare. I don't think my “system” appreciated it. But, from since the beginning of January, with all the black-eyed peas, I've had this flatulence. Time to get away from beans, I suppose. AND, because of all the work on the G's site and “channel”, there hasn't been much activity. Need to move about. - Anyway... another day commences. - 18.15 and after a rather wasted day.... meal is done, dishes in the rack, hot water on the stove, the 2 pieces of chicken and veggies were filling. Pondering ice cream... and just in from a re-smoke and SWEEPING SNOW FROM THE FRONT PORCH! IT'S FUCKING SNOWING! Oh... what fun 'twill be tomorrow... as I toddle into town. Oh well... and alas. Tomorrow is tomorrow. We shall see. Now, for a hot water and “Mock The Week” before... what-ever. Odd... I wondered why the house suddenly warmed and the furnace hasn't been running... SNOW! - 20.36 Just up from a some-what un-comforatble snooze on the futon. Stepped out for a re-smoke to... MORE SNOW on the porch AND MORE SNOW COMING FROM THE SKIES! The forecast is for this to continue until tomorrow EVENING but the highest temperature (of -1°) is for about 11.00 tomorrow so? So... it's going to be (another one) of those “stoic” days. Well Hell... I've done longer, farther and in much worse (like that day-trip into St-Allbums in -18F when Border Patrol came to check on me). Oh well. We've done it before... we'll do it again. HEY! THIS IS NY! - AND... I've pushed ALL the *** NEW *** pages to the site-on-line just now. We'll see how it all works out as time passes. Right now... I'm going to post THIS on-line and.... - 20.51 OK... the PAGES are on the live site on-line and January's been posted to the site and the WP blog. - Meanwhile, there are things banging against the house and I can't find what they are. There was something out back, I opened the door. Nothing to see but SNOW! And something out front just hit the house. Météo claims the “vents” are 19km/h from the S, and “rafales” are only 29km/h... but they all appear to be a bit stronger than all that. By 10.00 tomorrow, there “quelques flocons”, less than a cm. with “vents” of 11, “rafales” of 17-18. Not horrific. But there's nothing that can be done about any of it. “Nuageux” for the entire day. Fine. The “nuages” will hold some of the “warmth” in the air... HAHAHAH! I mek wiz d'fonneez. - There's some-thing either in the wall or under the floor at the kitchen “w/d” area. Not sure what or where but something keeps “falling” or some sort of thing or another “in that wall”. Well, with all the bull-shit that's gone on over there these past few days, banging and shit, and Vivian slamming things, and Alvin slamming doors and hammering or what-ever... no telling. (I wonder if they're bothering to heat the place at all... if not, that “cracking” just might be her plumbing... I wouldn't doubt it... Not MY trouble... unless the water comes into the house over here. But if those pipe there burst, the water is more likely to go to the cellar... or basement on that side of the house. What-ever...) - So for now, I believe I'll have a bit of bread and butter, perhaps a Nighty Night and head for bed. 21.00 on the mark, as I see it. No sense being up all night tonight. And the major “chore” ahead is the “Photos” pages for this journal and I'm not going to get into that tonight. - 22.43 The snow is still falling, the wind is still blowing, I've had a licorice tea and some bread and butter, a bit of soc.med. and now... 'tis time to try for a nap! The forecast has improved a touch. Just slightly below freezing for the day and “flocons”. Shouldn't be too bad. - Now... TO BED!

Sun.19.Jan: 9.22 Up at 7.57, coffee on, got dressed, looked out the door to see MORE SNOW!!! And so... gulped a half-coffee and headed out! WELL! the front and the Pee OH is cleared. John D. came round and ploughed. It's all looking quite “attended”. And now, 'tis time to prep for “toddle”. Flocons are still falling. But the temperature isn't all too bad. The ONLY item of concern... the state ploughs. They're salting and “trimming” the shoulders and, even as I stood out front, they SPLATTER! I'll be walking side-to-side on this trip. Thankfully, I've no “pressure items” on today's “agenda” so if it takes me until 16.00 or 17.00 today, so be it. No rush. (All for smokes, really... and ice cream for tonight.) Just finishing my coffee. Waiting to “need the loo” and then... bundle and bolt. I've NO doubt that I'll be doing the whole trip today. No prob. Ne'er let it be said I don't “give it a try”. At least I got a good night's sleep last night. Lights out at about 23.55. One trip to the loo and... here I am. - OK. Off and moving. - 14.29 TODDLED THE ENTIRE TRIP AGAIN. Left at slightly past 10.00, closer to 10.30, stopped to “chat neighbourly” with Mr. Alvin who was shovelling his front yard, after he asked “Going into town?” Indeed. Chatted about Florida, weather, the state of the place behind (set at 55F, I'm to understand), yes, I made sure to mention that I “know you're keeping watch of the place” (should have said “I HEAR you're in and out” but... there's no sense implying to those who can't grasp implication and innuendo... 6th grade teacher... “elementary school teachers”... still the same as they ever have been.... dear Bruce Harrison). OK. Moving along... and so I did. Today's toddle was tedious, except for the HORSES who CAME TROTTING TO THE FENCE TO GREET ME on the way TO town. Other-wise... all went quite “banal”. Took a pee-break just before entering town-proper, at the “sunken brook” as the dogs stood at the top of the hill, yapping at me. Hey! When ya gotta go... and I HAD to go! Thankfully, the road was well-cleaned of snow and so, it was clear strolling. On the way back, a quick stop after the bridge, for a sit and smoke. And then a “Hello” to the horses who didn't come to the fence. But what I think made it all the better was that, FamDoll is pushing “Snickers” bars today, so, for a dollar, I got one. It all but froze in the back-pack but it did help pass the last mile. And... at 14.10 I was in the door! NOT BAD! AND, I took my sweetest-arse time coming back. My right knee and left foot were a bit “annoying”. BUT I MADE IT! (Sadly, only 2 packs of smokes, but TWO containers of ice cream, a package of chicken, pound of butter - 4 in the freezer... “Cabot” - a jar of dip for crisps tomorrow evening, the 20th, a jar of apricot preserves - simply because I've had the “liking” - and a bag of veggies! Yes, “heavy” shit, but made the trip worth the going.) - And now? All is put up, I've had a casual smoke on the porch in the front where the pavement is quite clear (thank me very much for all the work I put into it before WALKING 8 MILES). - I AM accomplished. - PS: The fucking ATT phone REFUSES to do “WiFi calling”! ANOTHER fucking ATT phone... fucking bull-shit, that. - OK. I need a lie-down. Have had my naproxen, there's a tea at hand. A bit of a lie-down and then I'll get to putting the chicken up and pondering meal. - 22.27 HOT SHOWERED! Nighty Night tea at hand and ready for BED! AT LAST! Today's toddle took the starch out, for some reason. And I'm getting those “muscle spasms” in the arms and hands. Dehydration? Perhaps. We shall see. (That's why I'm have the “tea”.) - Meal went well tonight. 1 piece of chicken, browned rice with veggie and TWO helpings of ICE CREAM! THEN... 4 slices of “butter-bread” with APRICOT PRESERVES! (And I'm still a touch hungry... Hmmm...) Meal was at about 17.30 and, of course, all was as if nothing happened by shortly after 18.00... No matter how hard I try to “enjoy”, it never happens. Then, a snooze at 20.00 for about 20 minutes. Why? Just because I thought it might help with the “fatigue” du jour. HEY! I was up and out and shovelling this morning, then in to change clothes and out for an 8-mile “toddle”! I DO believe I did well with this day. (Fuck.) - Found the blades for the jigsaw. Not as expensive as I'd thought. 10 blades for about 12$. I thought they'd be that price each. (Wednesday next? The SHELVES! Too bad I can make a bed... or better... a WRITING DESK!) - I checked the banque today. THE RENT CHEQUE FOR JANUARY IS STILL OUT-STANDING! THIS IS MAKING ME NERVOUS! Sure, I spoke with Alden. Sure, he said his wife handles it. Sure, he said she might be “behind”. But an entire month? I'm getting into “You'll have to leave.” mode again. And I don't like it! I CAN'T! NOT NOW! NOT UNTIL THE TRUCK IS REPAIRED! OR... I'm *THINKING TOO MUCH* again. Fine. Better “prepared” than not. - Other than that, I see NO PeeOh tomorrow! I can stay in bed! No BS in the morning! WOOHOO! Banques too, from what I see. A day of “NOTHING”... as if I ever have one of those. Lavage and such. - Anyway, I'm not spending time on all of this. Have tea and get to bed. - OH! I THINK I got the ATT phone working with the bull-shit for calling out on it. Now I'm afraid to turn the damned thing off! (Nasty review to be posted... perhaps tomorrow... on my “day off”.) - 23.28 Later than I'd like but fine... Tea's done. Soc.med. is done. I'm done. This day is done.

Mon.20.Jan: 46 years ago tonight... G's was taken. - 8.07 Why? Because it was a a bit uncomfortable being in bed. I slept with the back brace on last night. I'm attributing the “discomfort” in the legs to not wearing the sweats under the pants on the toddle yesterday. My legs got cold on the walk, my knees were giving me some trouble as I walked. And, the weight of the few items seemed a bit heavier than usual. So, when I make the next trip, during this week (yes, I'll have to go back during the week), I'll have to make certain that my legs remain protected. Oh well. That's how it is... in “The North Country”. Anyway, here I am, in from smoke on a clear and crisp morning. -14°/-19° out there this morning. -7/-10 for the day. Thursday expected to reach 0° with sun-shine so it looks like that's the next trip. Well, Wednesday is “pay-day” any-way. - Furnace set at 70F this morning. It's nice to be able to take the chill out. It was 17° in the bed-room when I woke. - No PeeOh today. Nice. - And so, waiting for coffee to steep. Whites in the basin to soak. Another day commences. - But strange dream:
I was in some sort of “mosque” to under-go a “conversion”... to Moslem! Not completely voluntary, there was some sort of some-thing that I was to gain by it. But what stopped the “ceremony” was when I realised that I had forgotten to bring some sort of trinket, a medallion of some sort or another, and when I went to fetch it, I had to make a stop at the loo. Got to the loo and had to wait for a toilet and it took so long! When I got back to the “group” that was to perform the “ritual”, they'd all separated. Some woman came to tell me “Takes too long.” Not disappointed or anything, just that the men had decided that it was taking too long and that it wasn't really necessary any-way. So the after-ritual ritual of eating and music-playing and such was in full-swing when I returned. All were happy. But there was some sort of “threat” hanging over me, had I not “converted”, some harm to come to me. I was concerned about that but not terribly. Then the dream snapped to Ms. Jacquie and her spread-sheets. She was at the function and we discussed that she could no longer use the spread-sheets because she'd fucked them up. I was annoyed and said that they were no different from any other method of keeping financials. “You just have to enter a number. Minus for out, nothing for in. The sheet does the rest.” Her usual “I know....” but I decided to simply let it all go, suspecting that it was a ploy to get me to go back there to re-build it all, and I was having NOTHING to do with THAT sort of thing!
And there we have the morning. Time for coffee. (I'm in that “post Nighty Night tea” sort of delirium this morning. And I'm pretty sure that the pains and discomforts of the night aren't making this morning any more tolerable.) Time will pass and too, all of what-ever. Now... to get on with... what-ever. I SHOULD get back to sorting through photos! - 13.27 Tea with bread and preserves and now for a snooze. Wasted day. Shame too. BRILLIANT SUN... but COLD! - 22.54 Well, dinner's done. Of course. And I put in a call to Donna... no reply. - And I've pissed the night away watching “Rowan and Martin”. Fine. - Posted new 60s music (Four Tops) to Mr. G's. It's been a “depressed” sort of night. Imagine, all those years when I didn't know the “anniversary”. But I've had a “normal” v-ton” and a “half” (lighter) and am TIRED! - Now... for a quick shower and to bed. The 20th is over. I wanted to write or call Denis. But I don't see the sense. Don't know why he doesn't want to be bothered. Oh well. - Gee... 6 months here... I stepped out for a smoke. Alden doesn't come in. If not for the “lingering scent” of cigarettes... if I had Players. Oh well. - Time for bed. Tomorrow, oil for the furnace. Let's see how that works out Fuck

Tue.21.Jan: 5.10 Yes... 5.10. I woke at about 4.15 and, feeling “awake” and uncomfortable laying in bed, decided, “May as well just get up.” and so I did... at about 4.35. None the worse for the “beverages” last night, thus far. Coffee's on. Clothes are on. Just in from a smoke under some-what clear skies and -19/-23°. Saw “the morning paper” being delivered to Cliff's place. THAT brought back memories of the “Record” route on the bike in Meadow Hill. (And to think: mother took that route and turned it into a “motor route”... took away my source of income. The things I “see” as an adult, when it's just too late. “Trust”. My biggest “trouble”, my greatest “negative”, my worst enemy.) - And since I heard nothing from Avery yesterday, about the 16,9gals given to Ms. Diva, I'm a touch annoyed this morning, already. Getting prepped for an argument, the need to go to the state (or fed, depending on who's in charge of HEAP) to “settle” the matter. I'm still annoyed that they came and put propane in with-out a call or with-out advanced word. “We check every 42 days or so.” No, you don't. I didn't ask for “automatic delivery” and that money was ear-marked. So? New year. Old me. As I keep thinking: I don't see that I'm particularly “liked” round here. Why, I have no idea, and I don't much really care. I don't like that the rent cheque for January hasn't cleared the banque and tomorrow, the rent for February goes out. My “trust” issue is in a bit of “over-drive”. I keep thinking that I've often been told that I “think too much”, just as Liz used to tell “You have complete conversations on your own, with nobody else there; you settle both sides of an issue, usually at the worst, and then attack the other person; they don't know why, but you've already concluded.” Thinking too much. Or, as said in college; “I think, there-fore I deconstruct”. Well, it's not unfounded and certainly wasn't a simple hobby. Let's call it “evolution” and have done with it. (I'd STILL like to know HOW it was that the Avery guy happened to come to the door to ask if I'd called for a delivery. Did some-body... Alvin, perhaps, stop him as he was pumping oil into Ms. Diva's tank? Or, was it that it only took that 17gals. and he wondered why? If I see him today, I'll ask.) - Meanwhile, here I sit, fully dressed, coffee in the press. I've had a first cup and, well, it would appear this day has commenced. I'm “thinking”: This might be a great way to get back to the old hours of being up at 4.30 and in bed by 21.30. That would be nice. But I also see “snoozes” during the day. Fine. Nothing on the agenda for the day today. Tomorrow... Soc.Sec. comes in, there's still funds on FS. Butter is still on sale in town. Go, grab a flyer, grab another pound of butter, perhaps more ice cream, chicken... another 8-mile toddle. Exercise. - Time to get rolling. There's MILLIONS of photos to clear here. Shit to “do”... with the time at hand. - 11.14 And I did took a snooze... well... half-snooze, because I never really did “snooze”, just laid on the futon. - At about 10.20, went to the PO for... New Banque Card from “Train North” and the electric bill which, although it's still on “budget” shows that I'm already almost 400 in debt, which will hit in July! TIME TO BUDGET THE PAYMENT! So that's almost 70,00/mo. to be removed. (And I'm still thinking of getting trash pick-up which will come to about 35/mo more which means auto-deducts go to... about 645/mo. leaving me about 430 from which I have to figure repairs on the truck! Ah... then THIS month I need to get my license pulled back to NY... 65$ there. Never mind the registration... which I'll hold-off on until... ZAP! - Meanwhile... 100gals OIL DELIVERED! (11.33 Just off the phone with Avery... they're STILL hanging 16,6gals! but the guy who delivered this morning, whilst I was in the PeeOh was fine when I asked if they were pissed-off at him. He said “No.”) Anyway... the tank is 75 per-cent full at present which is approximately 25 days at 8gals/day “normal” consumption. Let's just HOPE I don't “require” even HALF of that much! At least not until .... - So THIS is why I woke at 4.30 this morning.... to go through all the anxiety of budgeting! AND... looks like NO garbage service is in the future. And this morning, I lost TWO opportunities to chat with Nancy. I don't know when she gets pick-up and I don't want to bring MY garbage up there on a week when it's NOT picked-up. (And if she's bi-weekly, I don't believe she has pick-up this week any-way so....) - Oh well. 11.40 and the PO is empty again and all of New Russia re-settles. The rent cheque is in the postaged envelope for tomorrow and there's another day of “anxieties” for “bill-paying”. (I just might just send the electric a cheque for 50$ more. I can't push that through on-line... damn-it!) We shall see... we shall see... “Time”. Fuck. - 20.57 and I'm heading for the bedding. Indeed. The day? Well, I started (RE-started) sorting through some photos, took 3 snoozes, none of which were actual “snoozes” because my brain wouldn't stop. Meal was 2 pieces of chicken with veggies, ice cream to follow... a bit of crisps and dip whilst watching “Rowan and Martin” and just had a mug of hot cran-pom juice... to be sure the kidneys keep fine. - Concerned about the 400$ balance on the electric, the oil consumption before March and repairs to the truck. Although, AAA does have a service where they'll come check the battery AND, for about 140$, replace, which might be of great help (since the batter in the truck now is dead, dead, dead). So... a little good, a little bad... some better, some worse and before it gets any later... brushing teeth, turning the furnace down and getting into bed to read... and hopefully being OUT before 23.00

Wed.22.Jan: 6.16 Woke at about 4.00-something and dozed back to sleep for a strange, but rather positive dream
I was grounds-keeping for the next-door neighbour of Ms. VtQ who lived in a rather large house, set back, on a bit of a cul-de-sac situation, the “road” was more like the alleys of Montréal, and rather short. There were many trees, shrubs and the likes around it so that it wasn't really visible from the road. And, it was rather over-grown, un-kept. I had the old Subaru that I was driving about in, and it wasn't in the greatest condition, but I had the truck as well and that wasn't running at all, at the time. BUT, it was to be put into the shop that day for full repairs. I had the funds and the where-with-all to have it fully repaired. - I'd been grocery shopping earlier and just had to go to work before attending the truck. - I was getting ready to leave my grounds-keeping job and was, for some reason, on Mme. Q's yard, trying to make my way through the thickets and had stopped, here and there, starting to “tidy” her yard when I thought “NO! First of all, it's NOT my responsibility to tidy HER property any longer! She'd probably have me arrested for trespassing and property damage any-way, if she caught me here. LEAVE IT ALONE! Touch NOTHING!” As I was navigating my way off the property, she came out of the house with some younger, quite short, woman/girl. They joked, laughed and I over-heard her talking about their plans to go on some trip... to “Utah”. (Now THAT has something to do with some-thing I'd seen, I believe, on the “Rowan and Martin” sketches where they'd talked about ski-trips to Utah... or it might have been “The Five”... not sure which, but it's definitely something carried over from “life”.) “Ah...”, I thought, “She's still pulling that 'road-trip' shit and now she's got a little companion. When I was at the house, we went on ONE such trip and I was along to attend Ms. Hallie! Again, she takes those she prefers for fun, leisure, pleasure. Me? WORK. Oh, just leave it all alone. It's over. Done. And I don't dare let her see me here!” I went to the Subaru and realised that I'd have to manipulate it to get out; drive to the end of the cul-de-sac, try to turn round. There was something wrong with the steering, but I could make it alright. Then, I had to get back to the truck so that I could get it to the mechanic that night, for repairs to be made the next morning. I was annoyed about the whole of the situation, the “trip to Utah”, the little companion who, I wondered, was probably just another used-and-abused “convenience” BUT was being brought along now on “fun” road trips. “You KNOW this is her way of 'putting you in your place'. It's just all the more obvious now.” I thought as I got into the Subaru. BUT... “I'm getting the truck repaired and that's what actually matters at all. Just get out of and away from here.”
And it was 5.51 as I woke, got up, got out of bed, put the coffee water on the boil, took my vit.C. and got dressed, put the furnace up to 68F, headed out to the -2° for a smoke. And now... here I am... time to get to “business”. - Was in bed by 21.30 last night and lights out by some time before 23.00 indeed! AND... I've turned the living-room radiator off over-night. Any difference in this morning's temperature in the house? Nope. The furnace probably compensated, but I'm leaving it at this for now. Should it get to the “bitter cold of February”, I'll put that thing back on, but it's time to cut back! Truly. (I just wish I could figure how to put it in the bed-room. But the circuit there won't stand for it. Oh well...) - Meanwhile, it's “comfy” in here. The furnace brought the temp up from 64F to about 68F. Today's high: 0°. Tomorrow's (when I plan another toddle) high: PLUS 2! So... now... it's “Bill-pay” day and after that? I MUST get back to the photos! And then? Nothing else, really. I don't know why I get so wrapped into a day. It always turns out the same... snoozes and the likes. It's not as if I MUST be keeping BUSY at ALL times any longer. Oh well... Coffee at hand. Time to roll.
RENT CHEQUE FOR JANUARY HAS CLEARED! DATED 21 JANUARY! RENT CHEQUE HAS CLEARED! PAID! OK! I'M HAPPY!!!
9.19 BILLS PAID... it took a while. Spectrum's site wouldn't let me pay until just moments ago. I get up before sun-rise to have to deal with such shit. Oh well, at least it's ALL DONE (I'm supposing). Electric, Internet, Rent (t be given to Ms. Crystal in about an hour). Budgeting is still “pending”: license is the out-standing decision... perhaps tomorrow? But, this morning's “agenda” items are done! And I want a snooze! - Of major concern this morning: CHILLS! It's not cold in the house, but my hands are cold and I feel “chilled”. 7 tea-lites in the terracotta at the moment, but ever since than kidney infection, ANY “chill” causes panic. Fucking shame, this. But I “feel”, generally, quite fine, especially since the bills are paid! So? So... we roll along. - I hear Ms. Crystal and Becky next door. They've just arrived. - But HEY! The rent cheque cleared. YAY! - 20.00 and sadly... the morning was a major success... BILLS PAID! RENT CHEQUE (for January) CLEARED! “BUDGET” got figured (now to see how it works out tomorrow). BUT... other-wise, I can't claim much. - OH! SPOKE WITH DONNA THIS MORNING! HER EYE SURGERY WENT WELL. The medications made her terribly sick (but I think it was more “anxiety”). SHE TOLD ME THAT DOROTHY FOUND HER PURSE! AND SHE TOLD ME THAT DOROTHY'S BEEN TELLING HER THAT SHE, DOROTHY, HAS BEEN KEEPING ME UP ON THE LATEST! Bull-shit. But... that's the cousin who gets along with “sister” so... Anyway, it was good talking with Donna. - OK... Burgers and veggies for meal, followed by finishing the ice cream (another cause for a toddle tomorrow... with smokes). And,hot water after. Another to come before heading to bedding again... by 21.00. - More “Rowan and Martin” and... oh... I ordered the cookie sheets, the jigsaw blades and 4 Glade “Flannel Comfort” plug-ins. Why? Because I want the saw, I want the cookie sheets and the plug-ins brought it to a price with free shipping. There we have it. All should arrive Monday/Tuesday. We shall see. - Now? Smoke. Hot water. Bed time. Tomorrow will be another “day on the body”. - 21.07 Finishing last water. Will be out for last smoke. Brushing of teeth and TO BED!

Thu.23.Jan: 5.40 Up at about 4.00 but set an alarm for 5.00 and up and coffee's in the press, I'm in from a smoke and the furnace is up to take the night's chill out of the house and... it's “business as usual”. - Finished “Jews Without Money” before sleep last night. Lights out by 23.00. - I still don't know why mother thought that book was so “pornographic”. I remember her taking it from me. I wonder why there was a copy in the house. I wonder... I just wonder. But I wish more people would read it. It dispels a great many stereo-types. - Anyway, the morning is crammed with the one thought of today's toddle. I don't look forward to it. But, that's how it is and must be. A “Jew without money”. Though, there is money... just not enough. Or, as Emmie used to say “God gives me only just what I need and no more.” Oh well. - The part of today's toddle that I dread it the groceries. Sugar and beef... heavy shit. I fell asleep and woke with notions of how to put the back-pack on wheels. (Which means buying wheels, of course.) Some-thing small enough to place on my lap, should I be offered a lift along the way. A shopping trolley would be nicer, but would be too big to just place in a car. Oh well. I suppose I could buy a little pack on wheels. “Luggage”. But then, there's the road. Rough. It would eat the wheels in no time. Oh well. Things to ponder. - Meanwhile, the house is warming and I want to snooze again, already. Nope... the day is on and so am I. Time for coffee! - 20.38 and I am bringing a rather amazing day to a CLOSE! AT LAST! I was out the door by 10.15 and on the road in the brisk sun-shine, heading for a day's “toddle” on which I got NOT ONE OFFER for a lift! Indeed! I made the entire... ENTIRE toddle on hoof! And it was, I must add, a bit painful this time. My back's been “out” a touch, for the past 24 hours and, in spite of wearing the sweats under the “Brooks Bros.” khakis, my legs and knees got a touch sore. But, I kept right on going. First stop, FamDoll for 5 packs of smokes and LOVELY chat, as usual. Then on to the banque to deposit the “binocular” money AND a Community cheque. Now, there's a tank of oil in the savings account! (At last, a little “interest”? VERY little... I figure about 15 cents... per fucking year, but, there it is, and I'm NOT touching it! It's a TANK of oil!) And the transaction went ever so well. So, although I would have much rather just stayed in town (for the rest of my life because my body felt as it it had been beaten, repeatedly, with a dull club) I hobbled across to the market where I, not thinking of the consequences of weight, got a bag of sugar, more chicken, another pound of butter (coupon was in the trolley!), TWO MORE containers of ice cream! Packed them in the back-pack and headed back on the road. Now... I happened to look at the phone/clock as I was departing “the city”: 12.07, and thought I should be back by about 13.15.... NOT... I didn't get back until 13.45! BUT, to be honest, I walked back ever so slowly (mostly because I couldn't walk any quicker), stopped for a rest at the Lobdell bridge, then a short chat with the horses and, well... almost literally dragged me the rest of the way. When I got back, although disappointed about all the traffic and no lifts, it was, as it always is, a moment of PRIDE! I'd done the whole trip with-out assistance! (I can't help but think: My rent's paid, I ask for nothing of these people, I don't bother -with- them, I make no noise, I break no laws, I keep the place in good order... I DON'T FUCKING GIVE A SHIT WHETHER THEY “LIKE” ME OR NOT, NOR DO I “HIDE” MY SMOKES ON THE PORCH ANY LONGER. I'm not “arrogant”... I jut don't give a shit.) ANYway... I come into the house and proceed to un-pack the day's “catch” and there's a message from Ms. Dorothy almost whining about her trials, tribulations, it being “cold” down there (yeah... and I'm rejoicing in plus 1° today), and her “losing” her purse (which, as Donna told me yesterday, was in the bed-room all the while). I un-packed and replied:
Some of us have a cross to bear
other, an axe to grind.
Some of us choose to take it in stride...
others just choose to whine.
#Perspective #Choice
She went into Donna being “upset” that she's leaving there on the 2nd and me getting into the difference between “family” and “relatives”, those who care, those who don't and distance between. And... the “conversation” went silent. So I went on with the groceries... MEAN-WHILE, Mr. Alvin comes over and gets to chopping the pack-snow on the parking lot at the end of the ramp in front of the PO as I'm trying to enter my “reconciliations” on the lap-top! SO... I put on the “Schlagersahne”, connected the little speaker and went about my business of cleaning and prepping today's chicken haul. (2 pieces put aside for tonight's meal, of course.) I'm in a “FUCK YOU SERIOUSLY” frame of mind here. Meal in the oven by 16.20... I had a lie-down (but not snooze) until 16.45 when I got up and began “meal”. 2 pieces of chicken, quite nicely well-done, with MUCH veggies, and TWO helpings of ice cream... followed by some chocolate chip cookies I treated me to at the market today. No “The Five” because it was all the “impeachment” bull-shit... so... MANY little clips of “Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In” again this evening. - Ah... but in the mean-while, I've up-dated the “accounts spread sheets” on the one phone. They're in Access and were in need of serious up-dates. They're done! Current! I'm delighted. - And so, the rest of the evening has gone along ever so delightfully quiet. The furnace is set at 66F and only just went on for a short while. - Me? I'm about to hit a quick shower and head to bed. There's another day ahead tomorrow (and if not, if I die... what-the-fuck-ever). Nothing on the agenda but perhaps some washing and getting me to appear a touch more “human”... I WANT to get my license done early in the week coming. January! New year, new decade, NEW YORK! But right now... it's shower and into bed. I'm DONE! WHAT A DAY! EH?

Fri. 24.Jan: 6.44 AND we're UP, we're dressed, coffee's in press, TWO basin of lavage soaking, we're in from a smoke, it's -7°/-10 with “Quelques nuages” out the door, there's food in the fridge, cash in the banque, and I DID say that I would probably break even by January and it looks, thus far, to be so. SO! OH... and I'm SHOWERED... before bed last night. So I'm relatively clean as well. HOW ABOUT THAT? EH? Woke at the 5.00 alarm and stayed in bed until about 6.15. Was “lights out” by 23.00 last night too. Not a bad night. And no getting up to pee. EVER so charming. Let's see how the rest of this day will roll. Shall we then? Oh yes, do, let's shall. - 8.25 Lavage is hangin'. And... we're rollin' to die Schlagersahne”. - 21.43 Well? Another day and... all I managed was a 6.00 wash. What else? I don't really know. Rang Ev. Left a message. Had a nap. Oh... baked 2 loaves of bread with the flour from Bammizoonz. Turned out really flavourful, I must say! Really quite good. And only 3 eggs. I'm impressed. (And relieved that the flour is actually GOOD! Great price. No hauling from the market. Delivered to the door. I am THRILLED!) - Pasta/lentils/ice cream for meal and I'm not hungry (but mentioning the bread has made me “peckish”). And another day passes into an ever-disappearing history. TIME FOR BED! - OH OH and TONIGHT, as I stood out front to have a smoke, TWICE, the sounds of the coyotes across the road! At one point, they rand from some-where behind Chris and Meghan's to the wood-land at the edge of the empty lost between the folks across the road and Cliff's place. Howls in the darkness. It was beautiful! (Now, if only they'd get rid of the street-lights...) - OK... DONE!

Sat.25.Jan: 4.42 YES.. 4.42. I woke out of a horrible night-mare at 4.15 and had to pee so I just got up, put the coffee water on, rinsed the clench-guard, and by 4.24, this “flatulent” day (I had lentils and pasta for meal last night) commenced. I'm just in from a smoke, the furnace is running (set at 62F) and it's not THAT cold out there but none of that matters now. I'm up and about. Just not dressed... yet. Not tired either. Though I could have a futon-snooze. But no, I'm up and about. Nothing to “fill the hours” but, I'm up. - Oh... and the fucking lap-top is RE-Connected to the fucking Internet again! I KNOW I'd disconnected it before going to bed last night! WHAT the fuck is going on here? -
(29 Jan: 6.42 I'd forgotten to fill-in the notes I'd jotted about this dream. So I'll try to remember and do so now.)
I was in some sort of “city” hospital, certainly not the “top of the line”, it was old, dreary, dingy, perhaps more along the lines of a “state” hospital. On a gurney, in an “ER” of sorts, a Nurse, not terribly attractive, came in. I was stripped-down, with gown, but naked from waist up, came in with a rather large safety pin. I knew she was going to run it up and down my back but I didn't trust her at all, expecting her to shove it into my back, into my spine. (I noted something about a patient with glasses but I don't recall that particular detail this morning.) I insisted that she didn't touch me with the pin but she went ahead and did so, running the pin from head to waist. Truthfully, I didn't feel any-thing on my back, neither pin nor, for that matter, any pressure, nothing, but I faked, arching my back when I thought it appropriate. I was then moved into another room, equally depressing. All I could think of is that I wanted to go HOME! I wasn't even sure why I was in hospital or how I'd gotten there in the first place. They brought in an old man who reminded me of “Harold”... from Calvary! He had an old woman with him. So I decided I was leaving, on my own, no matter what. I told “Harold” and the old woman “You're going to enjoy it here.” (mostly because I was leaving and they'd have the room to themselves). I went to the Nurses' station and requested a consult. The Nurse there insisted that I had no MD (so there'd be no discharge) but arranged for some guy named “Greg” to come. Then, a fat, Black Nurse said to me “You're free to live your life here. How you spend your 8 weeks here is your business.” I was horrified and said “NO! NOT 8 WEEKS!” Though, at first, I'd actually heard “8 months” when the Nurses were talking, in a lower voice amongst themselves.) “There's no 8 WEEKS! And if I don't get that consult, it won't be 8 HOURS!” I said, quite indignantly. Then I heard the Black Nurse say, in a low voice “Let me check with how they arrested that one.” and I understood it to have something to do with what-ever it was that put me into hospital in the first place. Thinking that they COULD KEEP ME in there, against my will, if I'd been arrested, I went into a panic thinking I wouldn't be able to pay my rent so, even at the end, I'd have no place to go “home” to! I'd be Homeless! I asked if somebody could notify my land-lord of my where-abouts and my “situation”, thinking that maybe, I could keep my flat. (I'd only just moved into the place recently.) And I woke.
(Well, I truly don't recall all the particulars of this night-mare, but I DO remember wondering WHY THIS sort of thing would lodge in my unconscious. This morning, I associate the “hospital” with my anxieties about going for my license -DMV-, the “test” on my back with my worries about passing the vision test. “Fat Nurse” would equate with Biddy Ms. Jessica Thompson whom I DREADED having to confront. Being arrested is something that's usually on my mind any-way, has been for many years. Why? Just because of an innate distrust for ANY “office of ANY sort that could cause me that sort of trouble. Anyway, there are the particulars as I recall them.)
7.03 Well... I've managed to muddle through the early hours of the morn and just stepped out for a halfie to find Alvin at the PO already this morning. Walked right up the ramp which put him right out-side my door and had I not spoken, he'd have completely ignored me! WOW! Talk about “classless”. Although, fact is, there's do debt of civility due... on either side of the issue. But, as I finished my smoke, Vivian came by as well, for what-ever reason, and SHE greeted me with a “Good morning.” So? So... Anyway, Vivian is on her way to Florida (great... the last thing we need is a bored Alvin) and they're on their way to Albany. (How strange to hear that place mentioned so “matter of fact”. It's still a little “foreign” to remember that that's the “capitol” again... yes... we're “back home”, as it were.) - The furnace is up to 68F for a while. There's a damp chill in the house. The terracotta is alight. And this flatulence is becoming an annoyance. Chicken is thawing for today's meal. No more beans! I should have known better. Alas... all ass. - As for the rest of the time? There's a quick “snooze” coming. I'm getting “paypuz” together for Monday morning's toddle to the DMV. License and voter registration. Honestly, it's abrasive: to have to gather birth certificate, soc.sec. card, bills, &c. to prove my “worthiness” of yet another government-issued ID. Mean-while, the fucking “government” is doling-out the same shit to illegals and scofflaws and the likes. Ah, my tolerance has been breached and I've none remaining. - Reminds me: for schitzengiggles, last night, I happened to “look-up” cousin “Ron”, for what-ever reason. “Criminal records” (imagine that... the “holier than thous” as they'd prefer to be thought of as) and, no surprise, registered Dem. Moron! No accounting for proper mentality. I wish we had another “party” to register under... something horribly “Conservative”. What-ever. - 'tis time to get to the what-evers of the day. It's Saturday... no need to pressure (any more than that which is playing on my intestines at present). And I need to fill-in the quick notes I made about the dream. Then, complete the application for the RE-newal of the NY license. (And, in the absence of Mr. Alvin, perhaps a trip to the garage to look through the lumber... I still need better shelving in here, though I don't dare to take too much. Too bad the saw blades aren't here today... I MIGHT have gotten into a bit of cutting! Perhaps it's all for the better than I don't have them. Like as I thought last night: Not having the truck available has, in its way, allowed me to put money into the savings. Had I had the truck, I'd probably have spent every penny... between here and Lake Placid... on general fuckery. How I miss the old days of having a bar to go to.) - Grown fatigued. A snooze. No harm. - 16.47 And what did I do with this day? Fukkall... Although I DID manage to BUY a lampe for the bed-room wall. And caught the 28$ light for 13$. It's black. I'm not THRILLED with the style, but it's closer than I'll get any other way or time and I DO need a light over the bed for reading. And, I ordered light bulbs. And I ordered the foil I need to go down to the cellar and seriously block all the places where my heat is going into the cellar... It all should be here by Friday... next. On Tuesday comes the (I keep forgetting what I ordered!) Glade, saw blades and cookie sheets. (Fuck me! I'm shopping now, in pieces, and forgetting what I've ordered!) Best thing about it? There's still just over 90$ in the account... and the 300 in savings that I'm trying to forget (and I will NOT go into!). AND... I went in search of the “ointments” that Vanzinni had given me OH, 7 years ago... I can't believe it was that long ago but it was 2013... that dreadful trip back to NYC where “you will be welcome with open arms” (and it was a welcome with a snarl and sneer... not to mention, being tossed from place-to-place-to-boro-to-boro). Anyway... come to see, I'd tossed them. I vaguely recall having done so. I was going to use one on the “tag” under the left arm. Oh well... will have to check into alternatives. I want that thing GONE! - Made a “Thank You” gif for WVNR for a “wire”. And I took TWO snoozes. That's what I get for getting out of bed at 4.00! - And now, chicken is in the oven... late. Hopefully I'll be able to eat by about 17.30. (Oh, that's right... today's Saturday... not “The Five”. Hmpf.) - And it's been a chilly, damp day in here. And the fucking furnace kept kicking up through the day so I put it back down to 62F. It's come up once any-way. The terracotta heater has been “lit” all through the day. But no radiators. It's a touch un-comfy, but I'll be DAMNED if I'll go through another half tank of oil before March! Thankfully, it's not bitter out there. It DID start to snow a little while ago. I grabbed a 15-second video... sent it to Donna. It was supposed to rain during the day but it just stayed grey. Oh well. - And now? Another day has passed and I haven't gone near all the photos. I NEED to get my shit together with them! This is becoming a pain in the arse... because of my negligence. - So now, time to figure “entertainment” for meal and then... the rest of the evening until... I might shower. I “trimmed” my neck, at last. I'm not trimming the beard nor the hair. Leave the “fur” on for the license photo. I DID managed to get all my “papers” together for that, on Monday. THAT makes me fucking sick! This fucking shit-hole country let's “illegals” come in, settle, wander about and when I want a driver's license, I have to turn over all sorts of documentation. Fucking Nazi-nation, this. Oh well... I'm old... won't be much longer... and this might well be the last time. I can look forward to that. (Now, I just hope I pass the vision test! FUCK!) - 21.06 Meal was wonderful. Ice cream, very nice. All done by... of course... 18.00 and wasted time on Rowan and Martin with an episode of Julia and, a case of flatulence, cup of peppermint tea (as prescribed “on the internet”) and the snow has been falling, heavy and wet for the past couple of hours. Now? To the showers and then... to the bed! Another day... fucked away. - 21.59 Out of the shower. Toe-nails trimmed for toddling. Clean jammies. Clean me. And now... as the plough passes, I'll have a halfie, re-brush the teeth and off to “Teleny” which is what's being read at present. I'm tired, a touch “bloated” and the place smells of flatulence. NOT very pleasant. And to think, it's a “Saturday night”. I could stay up later, could have a beverage, had some crisps and dip earlier but... I'm ready to get to bed. Tomorrow? We shall see if we get one. (I have to “trim” my hair though. For some reason, the right side just doesn't lay properly. Oh well. Not that I'll ever look at the license... though I'll have to show it... incessantly... especially for smokes... Don't need it to buy weed, but tobacco? Fuck. This world's gone all wrong. Great time to be “old”. -

Sun.26.Jan: 7.45 Just dressed, in from smoke, taking photos of... SNOW... and FOG... and a bit of SUN... on a rather toasty 2° morning having gotten out of bed at 7.15 following a night of sleep that began at 23.00 when the lights went out. EIGHT HOURS! Imagine THAT! Yes, I was up at 4-something, then 5-something, 6-something but kept dozing back off. When I looked and saw 7.15 I figure ENOUGH! I'm rather amazed. EIGHT hours. Hell, there's no particular need to have been up at 4-something, nor at 5-something, but... the timing was really great. Got some pretty nice photos this morning. The Western sky is a bit foggy with touches of the mauve sun-rise in the clouds set against a bit of blue sky with the heavy, wet snow on the trees across the way. Were I of the mood, I'd be out to take MORE photos... but I'm not of the mood and so here I am, at table, typing, waiting for coffee to reach a drinkable temperature... as the fucking furnace runs, yet again, though set at 62F and the house isn't at all un-comfortable. And so, the commencement of another day... and the “news” comes in on the phone... more “impeachment” bull-shit. Nice way to start a Sunday morn: pissed off. Alas. - Time to get on with... what-ever. Enjoy today. Tomorrow? It's ON THE ROAD to deal with idiots at the DMV. - Oh... had a bit of an annoying dream before waking:
The car wasn't running properly. I was in a sort of apartment complex and had a large, white bag of garbage that was going rancid and needed to get rid of it but could 't because the car wasn't running. There was some sort of “party”, many people were there and were mulling about in the parking lot where the car was parked with the garbage bag in it. At some point, somebody went to get into the car and the bag tumbled out, open end down, of course, garbage spilled. I just left it figuring, at that point, it would simply be scattered by wind or animals and as long as there was nothing to ID me in it, I didn't (couldn't) care. Then, at some point, in-side the building, going back to my flat, although the general appearance of the “complex” resembled “Hudson Harbour” flats, the in-side of the building was dark, the cavernous halls painted a pale-ish blue that had gone dark over years of general soot and age. One window at one end of the hall, nothing more. Almost like “Hamilton Place”... after the fire. It wasn't dirty, per se, but it wasn't well-maintained either. And I was pre-occupied with garbage and a mal-functioning vehicle; how to get the car running just enough to get the garbage out of the way.
So... there we have it. The truck and the garbage are in my head. But there are other “items” that I CAN do something about, at hand and so... back to them and on with ... - 20.00 on the mark. SO I'm passing time until BED-TIME! DMV in town is on “available” 9-11.00 and 14-15.00 for licenses! Such a fuck. So it's going to be an EARLY ON THE ROAD in the morning! (Let's hope I can wake “refreshed”!) - Meanwhile... another day of passing time... mostly with “Musik” von Deutschland which I will be putting on the iPod tonight after this. Something to “change the pace” of toddling, which used to be good for the feet. We shall see. Lately, I don't want the “disturbance” of music as I walk. I don't know why. I'm not very “melodious” anymore. Old? Or just fucking “out of it” (depressed?). What-ever. - As for notes du jour... This morning's GORGEOUS skies turned grey and we had a bit of snow again. WET snow. John came by and ploughed VERY close to the porch, bless him, but as the day warmed (to 40F I saw on the thermometer on the porch), I cleared the “slutch” and so... when this evening's “flocons” fell, it's still clean and clear out there. - Very earlier in the morn, as I was finishing my 2nd halfie, Cliff came to fetch his mail and we chatted about the area, mountains, views and such AND HE ASKED ME TO HELP HIM BRING 2 CHAIRS INTO THE HOUSE FROM HIS CAR. I GOT TO SEE THE FIRST FLOOR OVER THERE! The “old” section is BEAUTIFUL! The ceilings are the original old wood that's EXACTLY like the boards I have as shelves in the blue room! And the kitchen, which they re-did (the place was a hovel when they bought it) is SO beautifully contemporary, with black appliances and utensils. (Some-what like what I'm going for in here!) - Anyway, I can't help but think: I ask NOBODY for ANY help round here, he's passed me on my toddles and never stopped to offer a lift BUT I've been quite the “helping hand” round the hamlet. Ah... all things “normal”. THEY're quick to request assistance and slow to offer... except for Margret, whom I haven't seen in quite a long while... I'm wondering why. - The rest of the day? Well... it passed... music and soc.med. - I found that the Walmarde in Beaufort has my SHEETS! I COULD pay them from here and have “somebody” fetch them (and post... for which I'd gladly pay). But multiple calls to both Donna and Dorothy... no answer. Once again: “NEVER DEPEND ON OTHERS”. Surely, there will be “excuses”. I'm not in the mood. So much so that when the “voice mail” connected, I simply DIS-connected. FUKKEM. - Had the furnace set to 62F during the day and it kicked a couple of times. I've put it up for warmth before bed... soon. - And now... to get to putting music on the iPod and then? No shower tonight. I can't see the sense in bothering. What I look like tomorrow is what I look like tomorrow. It'll likely be my last license anyway and I don't give a shit. - 21.23 Last smoke done. Last water at hand. Music on the iPod for tomorrow. “Schlaersahne”! WOOHOO! - With water, a little soc.med. The météo for tomorrow has changed back to sun. YAY! I can only hope. And PLUS 1°! (I can only hope.) Let's see how far I have to toddle this time... since I'll be leaving here EARLY! IMMEDIATELY after Ms. Crystal arrives. I'll check for “parcels” and BOLT! - 22.23 The music on the iPod is good. One tune (Four Tops) needs a volume adjust but... YAY! And now... to BED!

Mon.27.Jan: ***** NEW NY LICENSE !!! ***** 5.58 and after getting to sleep, TO SLEEP, some hour after 1.00 this morning (I laid in the bed it was too hot, my brain wouldn't shut down!) I was up and out of the bed at 5.42 to PEE! I'd set another alarm for 6.00 but this old body... So this morning is much like a “Shelter” morning.... I'M EXHAUSTED! Now, there's NO reason WHY I MUST go to DMV this morning. None, what-so-ever. I still have a license... until August. BUT... I suppose I'll let it run and see how well I manage for the next couple of hours and, if I'm honestly too fatigued, I'll just set sights on another day. Right now, there are flocons falling from the black skies out there. It's not at all too cold though, which isn't all that good either, for walking and not working a sweat. Oh... we shall see. But of course I couldn't get to sleep last night. Into bed after 22.00, read until 23.00 and well... of course, no sleep. And the chapters of “Teleny” were disgusting. Brothels and the likes. I'd forgotten about that bit. What a fuck. Eh? BUT.. how typical. I'm not nervous about any of this. But seriously, the brain just ran all sorts of general bull-shit about nothing that has anything to do with anything at all. As I say, a “Shelter” morning. Well? I made it through those then. Perhaps I can make it through another now. We shall see. For now, coffee's on and I've had a smoke. There's that much “done” - 9.04 and almost dressed... just have to put on the proper “foot-wear” and head out the door. Not a sign of activity in the PO... of course. So? Looks like we're in it for the long run this morning. Meanwhile... I'M SO FATIGUED! BUT... the skies are clearing and the flocons have ceased and coffee is almost done and... I want to take a nap! Yep... “Shelter” days... again. And my “Ambiezoon” shipment “left UPS this morning, in Plattsburgh, and the USPS claims to be waiting receipt. More insanity. - I'm just hoping that I won't have to be confronted with Ms. Biddy at the DMV this morning. I'm NOT in the mood. - 12.45 BACK IN THE HOUSE, TEA AT HAND... NEW LICENSE EN ROUTE AND REGISTERED TO VOTE IN NY AGAIN!!! ***** Was out the door by 9.30 and WALKED ALL THE WAY INTO TOWN! GOT TO DMV AT ABOUT 10.45 AND LUCKILY, DIDN'T HAVE TO GO TO BIDDY'S WICKET ***** BUT **** SHE CAME OVER TO WHERE I WAS BEING HELPED AND SAID, NOT IN A WHISPER “YOU'RE PAST YOUR 60 DAYS ALLOWED TIME.” I MADE REFERENCE TO HER MIS-HANDLING OF MAIL AND SAID “WELL, THANKFULLY WE DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ANY MORE ABOUT OUR MAIL BEING MIS-DIRECTED OR ANYTHING.” AND LET IT GO AT THAT. AH... WELL... AND SO, I DID PASS THE VISION TEST. MY PHOTO LOOKS LIKE I'M TOTAL SHIT BECAUSE I WAS SHAKING WITH ANGER! AND SWEATING! FUCK! BUT, THE POINT IS... I HAVE MY LICENSE BACK IN NY! ***** That done, I headed across to Kinney drugs where I stopped in to see about shampoo and as I approached, JEFF was standing there! Odd, but I'd thought of him strongly in DMV (because of his dis-like for Biddy as well). HE OFFERED A LIFT BACK! So I bolted into Kinney, didn't find shampoo, bolted into Tops where I got more chicken, ice cream, milk and veggies. He gave me a lift to FamDoll where I got 2 more packs of smokes and an extension cord for the new “reading lamp” in the bed-room this week-end (perhaps) and got a lift back! Had a charming chat along the way. He says “I'm a registered Republican because there was a time when, if you wanted to work in this county, you HAD to be.” TeeHee. And we discussed our mutual disgust over Biddy and the event of this morning at DMV. And we discussed the ruthlessness of John D. (He really IS quite the much-hated in the hamlet, and, if rumours are true, with perfectly good reason.) - ANYWAY.... MY FIRST LINE OF BUSINESS ONCE IN THE HOUSE AGAIN, AFTER PUTTING THE FRIDGE STUFF AWAY... SENT A FORMAL COMPLAINT TO ALBANY ABOUT BIDDY VIA THE WEB-SITE (because “due to a high volume of calls....” I got disconnected after going through a shit-load of “press” options... Ah... NY... incompetent and under-staffed... “home”). - And so, with that... time to re-file receipts, reconcile accounts and get on with the day... and maybe... a snooze... not that I'm “legally back home” today. - 23.05 Yes, I'm LATE! And I want to shower before bed because I worked a sweat going to DMV today. But I've had 2 light v-tons (celebrating the return of the driver's license) AND the most incredible “chat” with Theresa on Minds. She KNOWS the old “Heintje” songs! AND so many more old German songs! It's been a heart-wrenching evening, chatting with her. But it's brought a great deal of joy to me. All the things that I can't discuss with the siblings, because they don't have ANY clue about “those days”, I CAN exchange with her. It's “awesome”... to be sure. - Meanwhile, I'm still stewing about Ms. Biddy today. Determined... she'll be out of work if I can manage it. Vermont qunt! And her “Newburgh” husband? A mere “CO”. Like Mark's “S/O” and others I've come to have met. There's a determination there now. - Anyway.... had a nice “meal” of chicken and veggies and ice cream. Am having bread and butter at the moment. And a 45 minute snooze before that. But I'm looking forward to getting clean and into bed. Tomorrow? Another day... if I have to be so burdened. - Today? Well! “Jada's Back In Town”... and the bitch is ROLLIN!

Tue.28.Jan: 9.14 SHIT! Didn't get out of bed until 8.45! BUT... slept through like... like... slept through! AS A NEW YORKER AGAIN! WOOHOO! But... I must have slept heavy because my chest is rather full of shit this morning. Quite congested. Can't figure out why. But other-wise, dressed, in from smoke. I think China is in the PO this morning. (Gee... and I'd made a “notation” to me here, before “signing off” last night, to have a “chat with Crystal” this morning, mostly about how happy I am to have somebody “by the book” handling the post. Oh well. There are reasons why things happen as they do. No sense in getting into all of this “Biddy shit”, I suppose. Still, it burns me up. But, if DMV follows-up with my complaint, I'll have them refer to the photo on the license. It's a record of my “trauma”. (“lol”... as they say.) - As for today? Well... it will roll as it will and so too, shall I. - Had to smile a touch this morning, thinking: Jeff confided, yesterday, he's 73, been in New Russia for 70 years. Alvin's 71. Indeed, “Grumpy Old Men”... the lot of us. But, as Jeff said, nobody in New Russia is “evil” (except John D.). We're just a bunch of old men, tired and beyond patience and tolerance. Cute. - Anyway, I need to get to the loo and on with the day. - 11.22 Well... the saw blades, cookie sheets and “Glades” arrived. The blades look quite small and feel quite cheap and they're “Bosch”! I'll see how (if) they fit and work at all when I get around to it. The sheets? “Wilton”... and they just appear to be quite smaller than the sheets I'm used to, but then again, they're “cake” sheets and yes, they're a touch larger than the “roasting pans” I've been using for cookies. Let's see how well they stand up... when next I'm moved to making cookies (perhaps later... if this damp-chill doesn't pass soon). And the “Glade”? Well, 2 are in the “warmers” and I can smell them already and it's very nice. “Grey Flannel”... Lou Trigianni. Ah... very nice, indeed. - And this morning, had a “congress” at the PO. Jeff and Alvin showed up and we discussed a bit of politics because Jeff is focused on a bit of political junk mail received, allegedly from Trump where-in/on the “postage paid” envelope there are 3 1-cent stamps and the verbiage in the enclosed note states “I've put 'live' stamps on....” Of course, the letter has a “signature” on it. But, as it is with most of “those folks”, the matter causes much ado because “I got a letter from the President, and it's got his signature on it...” It's a fucking printing. Oh well... mental malfunction. But, also chatted with Becky, with China present, about the incident of yesterday's visit to DMV, so THAT matter is now in open forum... gladly so. As Becky said: Somebody asked her recently “Since she's gone (Biddy), have you noticed what's missing around here?” “Tension.” So there we have it. Meanwhile, I'm glad that the matter is in the open. Let's see where it gets to. - Now? Glades are plugged, the cookie sheets are washed and put up, the blades are here, the PO is closed, New Russia returns to a sleepy hamlet and all is as all is. The furnace, set at 62F has just stopped running (again). And my body is on “cleanse” this morning... with the make-up for lost BMs. THAT'S a “comfort”, if nothing else is. And I'm off to a snooze. Why? Because I can. So much for the day. - 18.53 Well, the day is done. Meal and dishes are done so the day is done. And I'm listening to the iPod “Musik” here, waiting for the water to boil. Odd, how I've gotten into a “habit” of hot water after eating. Oh, it could be worse, I do suppose. And the furnace is up again. Set at 66F but it's still chilled in here. Only -4° out there but it really is at “that temperature” where it's not cold enough to get rid of the dampness! - And so, still no word from the cousins. I tried the numbers here and they're working. No “text”. No call. I've no patience for this bull-shit. I've gone through the “annoyed” and the “concerned” and the “worried” and back to the “annoyed”. No sense in all of this. One day... what-ever. - And I'm pondering just heading for bed again. If I do though, I'll be up in the middle of the night and ready to roll. Not so good. - The wall lamp, bulbs and foil should be here by Thursday (but I'm not planning on it). Until then... there's nothing (other than a slightly-possible call from the DMV) on the “future”. I SHOULD get back to the photos. I just don't really want to. If I had a work-table, I could be painting, writing... something. And now, with the saw blades, I could be making something. But I don't want to go into the garage and start pulling wood out with the eyes of the “old woman” (Alvin) about. If I had the foil, I could be working on the heating in here. - I've been toying with the notion of removing to Nr. 5 Simonds Hill. (The house number would match the PO Box too!) It's only the one bed-room, the kitchen-living-room is rather connected. But it's got a TUB in the bath and the hot water is on the electric which would eliminate the propane expense but increase the electric bill. And the basement there is, I believe, cement floor and easier to access. I shouldn't doubt the furnace is in better condition as well. Yes, there's a nice porch, off the main. I can see the truck from the window. There's a raised bed garden out the back door. But there's less space, over all. (And there's better access to up-stairs over there as well for... I don't know what.) The carpeting is old. And there's probably a horrid odour in there, as there was. No window at the kitchen sink. MUCH LESS sun-light, I'm rather sure, but the windows, for the most part, face South, which is good. I'll have to check, on a clear morning, where the sun hits that side of the house. AND, I might be able to arrange a clothes-line back there. (And I wonder if the rent is cheaper, considering it's only one bed-room.) I'd have to combine “work” space with sleeping, I've no doubt. And only one window for that, if in the bed-room. I guess I'll wait to see if/when/what Alden advertises the place for... or talk with him about it, should he offer. (First thing I'd like to do is separate the kitchen from the living-room a bit more... not sure how though. But... we shall see. After all, should I just move from one to the other, at least he knows there's nothing he'd have to do in this place to rent it. It's perfectly clean already.) - OK. So there's the “reverie” for now. - I'm not really “tired”... I think it's just exhaustion from the shit of yesterday, the thoughts of the oil in the tank, the cold weather to come for the next 2 months (at the very least) and more oil expense. The radiators have been turned off for a few days so that'll reduce the electric usage. But the oil's being used. Always a “trade-off”. - Nobody I want to phone. Nobody I want to talk with. Nobody I'd want to visit... were I able to do. Can't really “shop” and there's nothing but food I'd buy now anyway and that's on hold until a week from Saturday. So? So... I “float along on the time”. Thankfully, I had enough pasta (with the left-over lentils and the end of the last bag of veggies) for meal, so I'm not hungry. And ice cream after. A “good” meal, as it were. - There's a little lavage to be done tomorrow. I need to do the bed-sheets soon too. Oh well... we “float on the time”. (Let's hope I don't find “inspirations” in an hour or so. Bed early tonight is in order.) - 21.46 Running behind, trying to pass time, looking into chairs, tables, desk... BUT... I THINK I've found the solution to the “desk” in the “blue room”... I can use the boxes from the bed-side “table” with the old planks in the blue room. They're high enough. Then, as more “shopping” arrives, more boxes come with. Re-build the bed table with those. This place is being furnished with BOXES! BUT... should I ever have to pack (for any reason), I'll have boxes for it. Next item? Book-shelf. Tomorrow, I'll try to get into the garage and see what's in there for lumber and maybe a set of saw-horses (instead of the boxes under the “writing/painting” desk. AND, I can put a radiator under the “desk” (because that wall is COLD... just like in the bed-room). Good for the legs. Only trouble: Sound-proofing that fucking shared wall between here and next door. Oh well... always something. But for now... Oh... and then, the chairs are about 150/2. Nice chairs. Too expensive for my taste, but the problem is, I'm thinking of Ikea... almost 20 years ago, when it comes to price. I'm OLD... stuck with OLD prices. Anyway... AND... I think I'll order the shit-sheets from Amyzoon. “Microfibre”. Bed-room, blue room... done. I'm facing the fact that I won't be getting the Walmarde sheets any time soon enough. Typical me: no help... not even from those who don't have to put themselves out. OK. Fine. I'll just be more like “them”... Need help, do ya? FUKKOFF! And have a nice day. - For now... teeth and to bed! THIS day is DONE!

Wed.29.Jan: 5.59 and I do NOT know WHY, or HOW I'm up and about already, but, coffee's in the press, I had a quick smoke and here I am... I got out of the bed ad about 5.42 because... I woke first at about 4.30 and was, all too simply, laying in the bed, half-dozing. So? So... up and away we go. - It's cold in here this morning. The sky out-side is clear as can be. The furnace was running when I woke. The furnace was running before I finally got to sleep at around 1.00. I don't like that. Set at 62F, one would think it would be saving. HAH! That's where the oil goes... the over-night. Oh well. Hopefully tomorrow the foil will arrive and I'll be able to get those “extra vents” closed-off in the cellar, force more air into the house and less into the cellar and the house will warm quicker. (Yeah... dream on.) But, OK then... there's a touch of lavage waiting on the bed-room floor and I'm anxious to get busy with the plans for the “desk”. Not, mind, that much of that is expected to be accomplished. So let's see what we do with this day... shall we then? - 7.05 Catching up, putting in the “image” for the month... the snow... and plugged in some details of a dream I'd only noted and never finished. (I can't help but believe that was all related to the anxieties of getting the license back to NY... fucking VT qunt being there and all... in fact, I'm STILL waiting for word from DMV about my report. Yes, I'm pissed and have NO intention of letting that shit ride. The qunt started shit and I'm going to finish it. Bad enough she's from “there”, but hubby being from Newburgh makes it no better... though some-times I think: I managed to get away from that shit-hole and make my life better, I should give him some benefit for being away from there as well but... my hatred for both Newburgh and VT are just so fucking deep and strong...) OK. So I HAD to put the furnace up for a while. This place is COLD now. 62F or not... it's uncomfortable! And so... we continue to roll along, filling in the time and such. Ah... another morning. - 10.04 Well, we're “rolling along”. Coffee is finished, the house is “chilled” and the furnace is driving me almost insane. The Journals, site and blog, are to-date. Ms. Crystal is in the PO. The sun is shining and I've been toying with the notion of the “desk” in the blue room. But I just can't stand that “blue” and I want something more like “curtains” on those windows, and it's cold enough in that room with-out the blue AND... it bothers me, terribly, that sound travels through the common wall so easily (although, I've never really heard any conversations come through there... though I've never spent much time in there) and there's really nothing I can do about it, save, hope to put an entire set of shelving across and then stuff it with “sound-absorbing” something or another which means going to the garage and hauling lumber out and then trying to figure how to get it against the wall... Things to consider... things to do.... things to... the fucking furnace is back up! Maybe just go back to bed? Or snuggle on the futon and call it a day. - OK. We'll just move blindly... “forward”, if possible. If not forward then... just move. At least the journalling is caught-up. - Oh, and Alvin's back next-door. I DO wonder WHAT in the fuk they do in there. (And I do need to change the locks on this place... I just don't “trust”... of course.) - 16.48 WELL.... I HAVE A “WORK DESK” IN THE BLUE ROOM! Went to the garage, took the “best” saw horses out from under the kayak, replaced them with “others” and brought the good ones in, laid the 3 planks across, across the windows and... I've been at it from since about 14.00 or so! JUST finished the Hoovering in there (and round the house). How does it look? Well, idea: get the cheap-shit sheets from Amyzoon and put them across that window-wall and... there's one “white wall”! TAH-fucking-DAH! I almost bought a gallon (30$) of paint from on-line but I like the sheets better. About the same price but they'll do for the blue and the bed-room, just rather fine. AND, I'll have avoided giving Walmarde any more of my money. So there. - Meanwhile, the day was sunny and the sun was warm and I fucked the day in that room. BUT... there's a “work desk/table” now. Now... to HOPE nobody rushes to move in next door and when s/he do... that it isn't some rammalammadingshitfuck. “Time”... - Chicken is in the oven, the fucking furnace, on 60F, is kicking up a-fucknig-gain. This morning, I washed the white, cotton sweater, tossed it on the rack, rack in the shower and it's still fucking wet. Oh well... - Almost time for meal anyway. - At least I've got a “work table”(thing) now. - 20.56 FINALLY got to talk with Donna AND Dorothy tonight! LAUGH! Those two are still a hoot when they're together. We didn't talk long, but... it was a pure relief to know they're OK. And when I mentioned the sheets to Donna, she said their Walmarde is WORSE than most. Apparently, their shelves are mostly empty. Dorothy commented that she'd never seen a Walmarde so empty! Good thing I didn't pay the sheets on-line. They're liars. - Anyway, back to trying to figure curtains for the “den” now. Fuck. - And this lap-top is fucking about. The little “task bar” at the bottom is bouncing about. I looked that up... Yep... DELL! Shit! No telling what's causing it. MANY complaints. No solutions. And the fucking thing did an “up-date” and I've turned it off an on several times. Thankfully, seems my stuff is still here... thus far. - So now? I've got the furnace up for the night's “warm-up”. Will hit a quick shower before bed. Tomorrow the wall lamp comes (I think... they say). Nice light for Shabbat. (Right... not planning on it.) And I'll have to get up-stairs for another chair. I don't know why I hesitated today. Should have gone right up. But tomorrow, in the light (there's no electric up there)... - But for now, I'm procrastinating on the shower... as usual. But I will NOT be up and about at 1.00!

Thu.30.Jan: 5.27 It's “one of THOSE mornings”... every little thing not quite “right” is annoying me to no end. The sliding of the glass as I rinse the clench guard, the furnace running, the fridge running, the water took took too long to boil, I don't have the extra kitchen chair, the fact that Avery hasn't phoned me back about what I'm not thinking of as “stolen” money/oil next door, the fact that they filled the propane tank with-out notification/permission, the flickering of the “task bar” on this lap-top, the fact that I'm awake at all. Little things, pissing me off. Avery started the annoyance when it was the first thought on my mind when I got out of bed at 5.15. My eyes are “cruddy” this morning, the white sweater isn't dry, the fingers on my right hand are sore from being so dried-out.... One of those days. And I got 6 hours of sleep... and I slept through the night, showered and lights out by about 23.00. I'm just annoyed and aggravated by every little thing this morning. Hmmm... The business about the sheets for the windows. The list goes on. I wonder why. Nothing's much different from much else. And these are petty things, really. But they're pissing me off. Now, let's check to see that the light and bulbs won't be here until... And well, I'll just approach items as they come and see how it all works out when day is done. Fuck. Good morning. Shit. - 10.17 Well? Just in from the PO (nothing). LOVELY chat with Mr. Alvin. (He mentioned something about having spoken with Alden about the “gutter” over the PO... but discussed with Crystal and not me. But he DID mention, as well, that he's not concerned with “that part”... meaning, in front of THIS place. Never mind.) AND... I'VE ORDERED 6 “microfibre” sheets... for the bed/blue rooms. ENOUGH is ENOUGH! 40$ for 6 instead of 8 but? It's for the windows and I WANT the windows COVERED for February's cold! (They're to be expected Tuesday or Wednesday... we shall see.) Now? I need to get the extra chair (if possible) and then the day is... what-ever, until I get on the phone to Avery about my “HEAP balance”. I'm a bt calmer now... though still miffed. - 10.31 Well, note du matin: Just went to get another chair from “up-stairs” and... THEY'RE ALL GONE! Who-ever cleaned-up, REALLY CLEANED-UP up there! Chairs and all sorts of things are now gone. I can't figure out HOW. I mean, I never heard anybody up there. Hmmmm.... oh well. My loss. Now to look for new chairs... and, perhaps, a table (I shouldn't doubt that some-body will come for the one I've been “borrowing”.) - Now? On with the rest of the “agenda”... “Avery”. I need to “budget” for February/March heating! - 20.11 READING LIGHT IS INSTALLED!!!!! IT ARRIVED AT ABOUT 17.30, I FINISHED MEAL, PUT THE DISHES UP AND GOT AT IT. It was a bit more confusing to me tonight, than it was as I recalled, but then again, this entire day has been a fuck-up. This morning's “mood” just hung over me. BUT TONIGHT, I CAN READ IN COMFORT!!!!! AND, I'M HAVNIG A “NIGHTY NIGHT” BECAUSE.... Because just FUKKIT! - And Mr. Alvin's been trapsing about next door again tonight. I just heard him over there, moments ago. Why? WHY? Fucking boredom? Or some kind of fetish with/for/about Ms. Diva? We shall never know. (AND, we don't want to know.) - And too, the light bulbs came with the lampe and too, the HEAVY foil. Tomorrow, I hit the furnace to seal that fucker up! - All day, the furnace has been set at 60F. It's come on a couple of times but, in all honesty, not all as often as I'd expect. And I haven't really been chilled. Maybe my mood is because of some fever? That new “coronavirus”? Cancer? What-the-fuck-ever. At least the furnace hasn't been running away with my oil. - Speaking of which, I didn't call Avery today. Not please with me about that, but thinking that, perhaps, it's for the best. With my “mood”, I'd probably be looking for another oil/propane company on the morrow. - Anyway... NightyNight (oops... the furnace was reading my typing, fuck) and off to beddie-bye. I've had my fill of this day. - 22.43 LATE! But the activity on G's Minds tonight was quite amazing. Theresa contributed music. Wires (10 from Theresa, 3 from “Chesschat”). Conversations. Just SO comforting, supportive, encouraging. And apparently, the site's been getting traffic too. There are people who know about the “G's List”! Hey! (I'll have to invest in “stats reports” now.) - Anyway... I've had my “tea” and am now... OFF TO READ!

Fri.31.Jan: 8.45 And ANOTHER “piss-poor” morning attitude, for NO apparent reason. Just annoyed with just about every little thing. Day 2 of this shit and I can't figure out why. Over-sleeping is one item. I didn't get out of bed until 8.15. Was “lights-out” by shortly after mid-night, last night. Finished reading “Teleny”, under the new lampe. Head on the pillow and out for the count until.... I heard the alarm. Hit a “snooze” 3 times and... 8.15! Imagine that. Oh well. Can't reclaim lost time. Not that that time is/was so damned important. I just wonder what's gnawing at my attitude, other than, an entire month has passed already. Time is just rushing by. Not that that means any-thing in particular. One thing though, I have a terrible pit odour. Can't quite figure that either. Not that it permeates the house. But I'm aware of it. Oh well. There are things to be done today. Sheets should be laundered, the furnace to be “foiled”. But I'm dressed, in from smoke, coffee in the press. Time rolls along, like the Boquet down the hill... though that probably rolls slower. And... we shall see how it all goes, when it's all gone.
0.52 on Saturday morning and I'll just keep running this here for a bit and then OFF TO BED! SHIT! - So... I DID manage to bake about 6 dozen or perhaps 8 dozen cookies today, on the “new cookie sheets” and they're wonderful! NO STICK and SO much easier to bake cookies on! And then? Because I was pissing about and curious, I checked to see about a curtain rod for the blue room and found one for about 15$ AND, the butter dish I had my eyes on but was about 15$ was marked-down to 10$ and so... it made for “Free Shipping” together and yes, I spent money I don't have, but I'll have a butter dish and ... by Tuesday the sheets should have arrived, by Wednesday the curtain rod will be here and by Wednesday night... CURTAINS... properly on the windows! I'm just trying to figure how to work with 6 sheets instead of 8 but at least there'll be more fabric on the windows... against the cold! - AND... I DID ring Avery and they DID remove the 16gals from my account (so now I need 170$ to add to it for the next delivery... and I have to get to the cellar to “work on the furnace” and check what's in the tank, since the fucking furnace keeps running... in spite of being set at 60-62F... and that “F” is for “FUCK”! to be sure). AND I DID ring Casella to check the cost for pick-up and the idiot who answered... well, I mentioned the “tax and fees” they mentioned in their e-mail last month and asked “how much”. She couldn't give me an answer but said it was about 10$ MORE! 39,95$/month? I'll rather figure out how to get what I have to Nancy and put that 40$ toward the truck! SHIT! - Also, rang Ev this evening. She was “congenial”, asked how things are and when I was telling her, she suddenly cut the chat short, wished me continued “well”, thanked me for calling and almost “dismissed” me. Quite a bit of a surprise. Oh well... I can't help but wonder: Lois said she'd read the book... “Bitter-Sweet Bitterness” and I recall having noted some rather curt accounts of Moe and Ev. I'll always wonder if Lois didn't say something poison to them. If so... nothing I noted wasn't true. So? So... Fukkit. - And so, meal was burgers with my home-made mustard, milk and cookies after. -
***** THEN CAME THE SLAMMER!!! I'd put about 11 new tunes on the “G's Juke-Box” and added Theresa's contributions to the “group” to the site list when I bounced into the “political channel” (with “nick-name) to find that THERESA HAD NOT ONLY FINISHED THE BOOK BUT HAS POSTED A “REVIEW” OF IT! A STUNNINGLY FAVOURABLE REVIEW!!! I grabbed a screen-cap of her screen-cap that she'd posted on MINDS, so I'll put that with this on-line, in my copy and on the WP blog Journal AND of course, on MY site. SO... I HAD to send her an e-mail of thanks and move it to the “author channel” and, well... time rolled by.
Sadly, I'd put a tea-light in the old oil lampe and moved it to the bed-room, thinking that I'd be in bed at a civil hour... That's not happening... it's already 1.08. I've just had last smoke and I'm going to BED! - I want to launder the bed-things this morning (Saturday) because I could stand a shower and the sheets could stand “freshening”. - So on that note, sugared-up from nibbling too many cookies... let's just move on to....