Fri.01.Sep: 16.29 Well… just like the Shelter Days… typing at the local library… here, in Friggin-fukkin-Franklin. It’s cold, over-cast, and feels more like late Autumn. Yesterday, I’d submitted a complaint of harassment with the

Vermont Human Rights Commission, got the entire form completed on-line in PDF, attached it, with cover message, and an audio file recording of the phone messages from Mme.’s phone. This morning I receive an e-mail: The PDF was BLANK! SO… I came to the library to RE-DO the damned form. But THIS TIME, I do believe, it went through just fine. SO IT IS FILED! I’d had some thoughts about it, thinking that maybe I shouldn’t bother, since it didn’t go through. But the truth of the matter is: I’ve learnt from this place that if I don’t take SOME action toward protecting myself, I’ll be hammered! HELL! If I DO, if I DON’T… so, at least this way I know I’ve done something… one way or another. And this morning, Mme. informed me that she informed the Twats that she’s raising their rent. Of course, as stupid as she is, she told them 950… brought it down to 930 and settled at 850. Fucktard. She’s only got guts when it comes to attacking ME. Ah… but then again, today was lawn day… and none of the lawns have been mowed. I was going to mow 172… but because of the clouds and cold, I waited. THEN, when the message came through about the complaint, I knew I had to come back here to re-do that at 14.00. So, nothing got done today. Well… I still have Sunday. And Mme. wants to go to Montréal on the week-end. I should think NOT… NOT with HER… NOT with THAT! – Meanwhile. the latest on Mr. Kitty: his bedding is in the kitchen. Poor little thing was on the porch in the cold last night. He’s back from being “neutered” this morning. Poor little fellow. It’s going to be interesting to see how Mme. attends to him. I already know… it’s another responsibility that will be dodged and shirked. As I say… Qunt. – But for now… I’m going to try to get more of the written Journal typed here. It goes back to April! I’d only put pages here until June. I was hopeful. No sense nor need to keep it all to myself: As NEVER BEFORE in my ENTIRE being have I EVER been more serious when I say: If I had the proper gun, right this very moment, I’d be in the woods with the damned thing in my mouth, aimed directly at my skull and BAM! DONE! I SO FUCKING WANT TO BE DEAD!!! JUST DEAD!!! But I DO have my little bag packed so that I can walk/hitch back to the home-state… I’m quite ready. But for the meantime, let’s see what I can get from the written Journal to digital. No sense leave MORE blanks… like the “old” Journal. – Reminds me: I should find something to eat tonight. I’m feeling all this “fasting”. Not good. –
***** INSERT *****
7.46 Woke at about 7.15. Kitty still on the porch. I stayed in bed waiting… Heard Mme. gather him. “You have to go to the doctor.” Waited for her to leave. And so she’s left. Kitty is off “to the doctor”. And I am dressed, in the loo. – Mr. Twat is stirring about up-stairs and I’m seriously ill, at ease and nerves. I don’t like the fact that they have access to the house from up-stairs. Nor do I feel comfortable knowing that, should I phone for police, the State won’t bother. I can only ride on the Human Rights Commission at this juncture. Oh well. – The thermometre on the back porch is reading 48F. Temps were due to drop to about 35F last night. Time to bring plants in at night. And Kitty was out, on the porch over-night. Unless absolutely necessary, I’m NOT taking responsibility for bringing him in. – Meanwhile, my stomach is sour this morning, my bowels seem tied in knots, my body shakes from nerves as I sit here, trying to empty the sugar of donuts and frosting that were yesterday’s “meal”, eaten in bed, at about 22.00. – Today’s “agenda”? I’ll mow the grass where I park the Subaru here. Nothing more here. Then, over to 172 to maintain that. The library is open 14-16.00 today. I’ll drop in over there to up-date the on-line journal as much as possible. – It’s a new month. There’s food money available. I just have to figure what food to get… that can be eaten… in the little room. – At least I have several copies of those phone messages floating about on the ether… and one now on the server of the Human Rights Commission. Odd… it was never approached yesterday. Mme. said nothing about it. BUT she was quick to mention a change on her lap-top (which I corrected). I doubt she has the intellect to realise: I have copies of her dealings with the maniac up-stairs. Well… no matter what happens to me, that audio file is and will be available… in retrospect. And she, “they” can’t wipe it out. – Today commences. – My neck/jaw are stiff/sore again this morning. I wonder: clot? – 19.35 In bed. 2-pack Ramen for daily meal. Kitty is ensconced in the kitchen on his bedding. Collar in place. Can’t go out x2weeks! Mme. bought litter, fixed a box in the kitchen. 300$ bill or all. She asked me to find financial assistance. Once upon a time… no longer. Then swerved into her recent CT road-trip: swimming, gym, and her Yogi doesn’t help her but goes shopping. Me? When I went I got a nasty room. THEN she asked about the weather in MTL this week-end. Wants to go. When I said it was to be nasty (just because I don’t want to go to the local general store with her) “That’s good.” she said, not listening… as usual. And now she’s where she usually is: recliner, asleep.- If it doesn’t warm up in here, I’ll be putting the heater on tonight. – Closing thought: May the HRC take this application. If nothing more or else, it proves I’m done fucking about.

Sat.2.Sept: 9.36 back at the library. Beautiful sunny day out there. I was up at 7.00 and still not sure why. Got nothing done but the soc.med. And 2 coffees and smokes. Kitty is coming round this morning and Mme. is her usual hypocrite self, smiling and behaving as if all’s well. Meanwhile, I’m exhausted, as usual, not feeling well. But it’s another day… same place… same shit. And now? Back to the Journal transcription. I’m on 11 April. Much to get done! – 22.25 MADE IT! 4 hours at the library. Back at the house to go back to sleep. Mme. went to church. THEN she decides to barbeque. I had a Tea and 2 pcs of lamb from the shish kebab she made. (I’d had 2 Ramen at 16.30.) Just enough to “sit with” and no more. Fact is: eating in her hypocrite presence actually does, physically makes me ill. The lamb came back up a little while ago. – BUT KITTY SAT ON MY LAP, LET ME PICK HIM UP, PURRED, LAID ON THE SOFA AS I SAT THERE … and is snoozing on the sofa even now! WHO KNEW? HE’S A “PEOPLE KITTY”! He DID, however, pee and shit on the porch today. Came out, sniffed in the bags under the table and let loose. Mme. was terribly upset because he damage what was in one of the bags… 3 bags, under that table, on the porch, almost a year, never touched and she’s upset. Well, one of the bags is in the metal trash can out back and will he in the trash on Wednesday. Kitty shat in the bag. Oh well. As for the shit and urine on the porch? Spongemop, bucket and *I* washed and cleaned it. (Mostly because *I’M* the one who’d have to smell it right outside the door to the room AND, if left to HER… it’d rot there.) – In other news, she’s behaving as if the 30th (August) never happened. Ah… but the recording of those phone messages is on my phone, on FlipDrive, G-mail… and on 3 or 4 places on G-mail… and soon on… “The Cloud”. “Hey Jacquie as we talked about if you have any trouble getting Jude out… I’ll remove him for you.” … As they talked about. Tell it to a judge… maybe the one you played the Stanhope message for. Kissy-kissy… nope. – 22.42 Just heard the recliner and the “stomp stomp”, loo door closed. She’s off to bed. She had “Gutfeld” on… I can’t sit there in the same room in ANY peace… of mind or being … wondering what shit she’ll toss. It was a calm day… it most likely pisses her off. She’ll have to create confrontation tomorrow. – Me? “All Creatures Great And Small” until I can fall asleep. – Seriously? Fuck this shit! And as for it being settled with ANY intelligence… SOCIAL MEDIA AND THE COURT OF PUBLIC OPINION. Vermont won’t help ME! Guaranteed.

Sun.3.Sept: 21.48 MADE IT THROUGH ANOTHER DAY! It rained all day and so I confined myself to the little room for most of it. Reading. Twitter. But no nap. Moments of TV. Mme. wanted to go traveling. “How about Montreal? We have to go to Bar B Barn for your birthday.” She let it go with a simple “I’ve no interest.” So she put a fire in the stove because it was chilled and damp and did what-ever in the kitchen. At about 17.00, Hallie came to me for dinner and I put a Ramen in a mug. Fed Hallie and Mimou (he’s endeared himself to the point of a name now… at noon today, he sat on my lap whilst Mme. cleaned his collar and face. Oddly, he was completely docile.) – And so, the day is done. All are in bed. Mimou is meowing outside my door. – And a note: hole in the hallway wall from when I threw the door open when Mme. Qunt threw “I didn’t ask you…”. Do I give a fuck? Nope. I’m just waiting for an interview from the Commission and hoping it comes on Tuesday or Wednesday. THEN, I hope they open a hearing. As I had a smoke today I thought: Leaving here isn’t going to be easy until I’ve some income… but meanwhile, this bull-shit has GOT to end! And if the Commission can end it… so be it. – PS: Mrs. Twat paid the rent today and I got… 100… “Thank you for mowing the lawns and all the work you did at the other house.” Right dearie… Twat gets the 100 for mowing ONE lawn ONE time a month and me? Mowing the lawns AND the rest of the work. Yep… – No sense dwelling on it. She’ll be gone by about 16.00 tomorrow. No bitching hazard for a couple of days… just the stomping and pounding.

Mon.4.Sept: 10.05 Woke and up at 8.00 and as usual these days, I don’t know why. But… – Feeling the “malnurishment” of these weeks. (I had a dry Ramen at about 23.00 last night before “lights out”.) My bowels are letting me know. My lower back is incessantly sore. Other people are blessed with the mercy of Death… not I. – The sun has come through. A nice breeze. But the world is wet. Too wet for mowing. And only 172 will be mowed from now forward. To mow 5199 is too “risky”. I’ll mow where the Subaru is parked… and no more, lest a blade of grass be caught and carried on the movement of the planet and land… GOD FORBID… on somebody’s vehicle or other possession of great value! Fucktards. – First thing this morning: whining. Kitty missed the litter box. Oh my! Yes, the kitchen did “offend”. But well Jeezus Kriste we had to clean… HAD TO DO SOME SORT OF… “WORK”, pardon the vulgarity. Not *I* who did the clean-up, so THAT made it all the worse! LORDY GEE! I just let it roll… and walked away. – And too, took my morning coffee whilst seated on the toilet… again. Times have rolled back to The Shelter: morning coffee on the bowl… time-saver… and in relative peace. – And so, for the past 2 hours and, I’ve confined myself to the room as Mme. putters about the kitchen. She’ll be off and away in about 5 hours or so. She’ll be gone and the shit will, NO DOUBT, hit the fan here. The stress and tension of knowing that there’s a kther mentally unstable idiot lurking and roaming about the place is sickening. – I think: I can, for the next couple of days, get proper food, prepare it properly, sit in peace at table, and eat as humans do. But no… my appetite is all but non-existent, the thought of “food” is nauseating. And too, the possibility of being seated at table (or any-where else in this house for that matter) and having a meal when suddenly, one of the resident retards appears… whether at the door or… having slithered down the stairs… There’s a constant possibility of violence in this place. – I woke ths morning, with a horrible head-ache and stiff neck. Tension… even as I “sleep”. It’s fucked-up… 24 hours of each and every day. – Hopefully October will go well, Soc.Sec. will be posted, and I’ll be able to find even regular rental… across the lake, on the Home-state… close enough to the mountains… and finally get the fuck out of here and away. – Alternative? BDM and such. At present, THAT appears the best plan, no matter what. I’ll have time to ponder the particulars. – 14.46 Mme. Q. is departing with-out so much as a word. I’m just back from a delightful mowing of 172 from 12.00. (Imagine… almost 3 glorious hours away.) And now I’m left with house and pets. But nothing more. 5199 won’t be mowed, save the area where I park the Subaru. Let her pay Curtis 35$ and let HIM take the brunt of “grass on the vehicle”. By Friday, the lawn will show the neglect. And should comments be made… I’ve the recording: “remove him for you”. (And, note to self: for the police as well, should need arise and present.) – It was another 3 hours of “An evening at G’s”. How I wish I could talk with Dennis. – And, oh… I mowed consecutive lines, front to back today. That’s why it too so long. – Well… Mme. Q. is gone. Now to amuse myself. I need to think in terms of food. Mme. asked if I needed to go to Hannaford’s this morning. “You can take the truck.” How charming. As if I might say “Yes. Thank you.” and have her concoct some damage I’d done to her vehicle. I should seriously think not. I KNOW HOW THESE VERMIN THINK AND OPERATE NOW. No, thank you. Try a sucker. I’m a New Yorker. – Anyway… a bit of rest. I could very well have dozed on the mower, were it not for the un-even section where their corn had been planted. Alas… oh well. – 22.54 In bed. Showered. Double-shampooed. Clean sweats. Clothes going into spin. – *172 MOWED! CAR-PARK MOWED! I cut it down to “2”. And that’s ALL I’m going to mow at 5199. And that’s so the grass doesn’t grow too high under the car. – Went to the store today. 3 large tins of Tea. I’ve had 2 already. (Apparently somebody’s awake up-stairs. I hear a bit of heavy walking over-head.) For dinner, a large tin of tuna, loaf of bread, cheese. Tuna melt. Pack of smokes. Ice cream. Beef franks (for Hallie or me). And a bottle of V8… veggies. Should be interesting tomorrow when it comes through. – Kitty spent almost 2 hours on my lap on the recliner this evening. Hallie and I went out twice but she’s sulking in “her” room and I can’t say as I give a shit. – OH! AND I UN-GLOGGED THE FUCKING TUB AGAIN as I showered! – Delightfully comfortably warm night. Screen door night. I took the fan out of the window last night but I’m not putting it back. – AND ANOTHER EVENING OF CHEST-CLAMPING ANXIETY ATTACK! I was hoping for a heart attack. I don’t give a fuck any more. If it happens here, whilst the qunt is gone, fine. I just don’t give a fuck. – Hoepfully, tomorrow, or Wednesday, the Commission will call so I know if I have to take this shit else-where… perhaps to court. Will have to arrange transport. – It was a relatively “calm” evening up-stairs. The Twats were gone most of the day and I believe they’ve gotten rid of the dog. (I’ll bet they don’t pay the 50$ increase. Qunt went from 950 to 930 to 850. Dumbass. She’ll be whining soon.) – Note: No, I’m NOT helping her list the place up-stairs. Let her go with-out, or get her cronies to “help”. I’m quite done. – The kitchen… she tidied the table, did most of her dishes before she left today. Left compost scraps though. And… of course, garbage. The garbage goes out Wednesday anyway. As for the rest of the place? Tomorrow I’ll clean “my room” only. That’s how it’s to be from now on. The animals and “my room”. Mowing: 172. Done.

Tue.5.Sept: 2.50 Well… there’s a delightful breeze blowing out-side. Screen door letting it in through open porch window. I got caught-up on Twtr. Now… to try for nothing more than a nap. I don’t want to put the lights out. I don’t want to sleep. But I’m tired and don’t want to be burned-out through the day. This “insomnia” is nothing but stress, anxiety and depression. I know this, but knowing doesn’t make it better. It should be a perfect night for sleep… but, as usual here… it isn’t. And if the Commission calls today, I need to be alert! Fuck! – 11.27 FILED WITH VT LAW FOR LEGAL AID. – 14.49 GOT TRANSPORT! GMT offers that service that the “freak of 5225” had. So IF all of this nonsense escalates, I have a lift to the Court House! – Meanwhile, I’ve confined myself to the room all day. Brought the recyclables out though. AND learnt that the phone rings through even if I’m on the Net. – Rained all day. Chilly and damp. The dog and cat have been snoozing. At least Mr. Mimou isn’t in the barn, alone. – I should eat something, but appetite and an un-settled stomach conflict. Anxiety and depression. – The house has been eerily calm all day. Makes me wonder: Plotting? Conniving? Scheming? Or do the Twats feel betrayed, since their rent’s been increased? We shall probably never know. But MY side of this is being documented… already with Human Rights, soon with Legal Aid. I tried to get through to VT Tenant but it’s on “fax”. Well… there’s still tomorrow. – Library open until 19.00 but I hesitate to leave. “I’ll remove him for you.” She’s just stupid enough… – 17.27 WOW WHAT A DAY! I’m at the library, got the M4a file converted to MP3 and got it posted to a new Tumblr (JKWoodhauler) acount. Still trying to get a workable link but… THAT’S DONE! – Contacted Legal Aid. Contacted GMT and I HAVE 3 R/T or 6 O/W trips PER MONTH! FREE! – Still waiting for HRC. Anyway… I need to get back to the house to get the zoo fed… and me too I suppose. Still no appetite. Starvation takes too long. – Oh… and I’m up to the moment with current Journalling here. Now… to get back at the history! But THAT I can do when “IT’S” in the house. –
Tentative link for messages:

Tumblr post: From 30 August 2017... 3 threats recording.

20.40 THE POUNDING AND STOMPING ON THE CEILING HAS BEEN UTTERLY ASTOUNDING FOR THE PAST HOUR!!! HARD! FIRM! SOLID ON THE UP-STAIRS FLOOR! FISTS! “DRUM-ROLLS”! PATRICK LITERALLY “STOMP-PARADING” FROM THEIR LIVING-ROOM TO HIS BED-ROOM BACK AND FORTH! NUCLEAR ATTACK! AMAZING! – Human Rights Commission? Here we come! And time to take it to Social Media… Names too. “Doxxing’ time! – 22.48 Showered. Toe nails clipped. The noise up-stairs was so bad that Hallie took refuge in the little room and wouldn’t come into the house after last evening stroll. I’ll make no mention of it until in front of a judge. – Mme. Q. sent brief text asking after Hallie, Kitty and the litter box. I shall copy, reply only for the sake of “report”. I’m now ready. Let HER take this to court. – 23.19 Well, the dog’s still up-stairs. They’ve just let the poor thing out, first time all day. Romping down and up the stairs… at this hour.

Wed.6.Sep: 1.44 and here we go again. Another sleepless night. But Mr. Mimou is here, beside the bed. Hallie was in the room earlier. She can’t stay in “her” room because of the crashing up-stairs. – 10.52 I didn’t wake & get out of bed until ALMOST 10.00! I thought it was closer to 9.00! Up. Dress. Coffee as I fed the zoo. Gathered the garbage. Scooped the litter-box. 3 bags to the curb. Morning smoke in today’s rain. Hallie’s becoming a pain in the shitter… refusing to come back into the house, and even then, hiding-away in the bed-room. The cat is antsy, meowing and following me about. Constantly under foot. The kitchen is still as it was left and stinks of litter-box. And as I was on the bowl, trying for a morning BM… Tap-tap-tap on the back door. The bloody Jehovah Witnesses again! “Is Jacquie working again?” “How’s the garden?” (Go have a look. I mean… it’s right THERE!) “Oh, that’s too bad. I was hoping to get some of those ‘butter squashes’.” Right. “Hoping go get…” – And so, here I am, thumbing these characters into the phone, behind a closed door, in the dark “little room”. I’m out of patience this morning. – When the JWs left, Hallie wouldn’t come in so I left her out. But when later, I looked for her, she was no-where to be found! Made me sick! Moments later… she appeared at the front door. She’s in for the day now. She’ll go out when I have time to be with her. – I can’t help but believe that Mme. is busy conniving, plotting, scheming some sort of bull-shit in her absence. My gut is usually quite on point about such things, and it’s all quite “sharp” on this, of late. There’s shit in the air and it ain’t comin’ off the farm. – Twat just left, in HIS illegal vehicle, to fetch the Devil-spore. Tranquillity (as much as there might be), is dead. – This place is living Hell. – Meanwhile, the trimmer is charging. Let’s see if I can muster-up some degree of “human dignity” today… trim beard, hair-cut. Both are quite past due. I don’t have the energy, but maybe it’ll help lift the darkness of the bull-shit. No way to find out other than to try. –
18.34 PAT STANLEY JUST LEFT A MESSAGE… A CORD OF WOOD TO BE DELIVERED… PERHAPS TOMORROW OR ON THE WEEK-END. GEE, I WONDER WHO’S EXPECTED TO STACK IT. –
In other news… HAIR-CUT TODAY! GOT IT DONE. Didn’t really “want” to. More that it HAD to be done. But it’s done. –
Also… DEPT. ON AGING STEERED ME TO *ADULT PROTECTIVE SERVICES*. I CALLED THEM. LEFT A MESSAGE. TOMORROW, LIBRARY OPENS AT 9.00. I CAN FILE THEN AND WILL!!! –
Received a message from Mme. She’ll be back “late morning” tomorrow, say she, but I know she can’t count/tell time. She’s having a tooth pulled before. May the anaesthesia not take… for Kitty. – I emptied the rag-bag on the porch today. Found more flannels. Washed them on “sani” and so, Mimou’s cage is more a little “house”. (Kitty is on my lap as I thumb this. Hallie is moping in “her” room. I’ve no patience.) – And… 18.45 and the banging shit commences up-stairs. Very nice. In a bit, I’ll be back in the little room. Will get Hallie out for a bit. Then… reading or… in the little room. I’ve 3 large Teas (the running and jumping up-stairs is increasing now… light fixtures shaking) that I got today. – Need to figure what to do with left-over bread and V8 now. The packaging for the franks will stay in the fresh garbage bag in the kitchen… I bought them (I also ate them). – 22.23 SHOWERED! IN BED! Waiting for the spin on my clothes. Mr. Mimou all CHATTY this evening. Conversation whilst I showered. FULL conversation! And another 2 hours on my lap as I had my 2 Teas. THEY’ve ” hit” tonight. Because I have a “new hope”. Court. Restraining order. Transport to the courts. Tomorrow, registration with Adult Protective. – I’ve realised: I NEED to turn this into “anger”. Anger is what’s caused me to survive. Not “victimisation”. Not “sadness”, “angst”, “depression”… ANGER. AND SO IT SHALL GO! ANGER! Even Rabbi Lewis said ” Be angry. Angry is good.” Tomorrow morning… it commences. ENOUGH of this bull-shit! And this bull-shit of ordering another cord of wood expecting it to be stacked? DONE! FUCK YOU! Get somebody to stack. The “accounts” are in MY favour… until such time when I’m able to leave here and go to a nice place… in NY… and do when I want… what I want… and not here “I didn’t ask…”. FUCK YOU! *SHELTER DAYS* ARE BACK! (I just need to keep that… in my heart…and soul… and core.)

Thu.7.Sep: 20.47 Was up by 8.00, fed the brood. Mimou slept on the floor beside the bed all night. At 10.30 I headed to the library where I went through Hell to file with Adult Protective Services on-line! Chrome. Foxfire. IE. NONE of them submitted the file! I had to save the file as PDF and e-mail it with a 4-page, typed account and a copy of the phone messages. So I now have to wait and see if they get it. BUT… I finally managed to get the audio file of the phone messages onto Youtube! So, as long as it stays there, I can send links to it and people can hear it… ON-LINE! – Got back to the house at about 14.30. Mme. was, of course, on the recliner. Very “amicable”. Chatted about the cat and dog. I came to the room and collapsed into a nap until almost 18.00 when I went to the store for 2 tins SpaghettiO’s, fruit, franks, rolls and a whoopie pie (which I just ate). As I was leaving, Mme. was coming up the road. I just came back to the room, shoveled the pasta… daily meal. – Nothing said about the kitchen not being clean. No invite to dine. BUT, just as I started this, she was on the phone and I do believe she said something about thinking that I’ll be leaving in October. Social Security comes and she thinks it’s going to be that easy for me to just pack’n’go on one cheque. It’s going to be brutal if/when APS kicks in. I’m just hoping THEY bring this all to a hearing. I’ve NO doubt she’s going to run the “pitiful widow” shit to the hilt and I want a HEARING! Best case scenario: APS helps me get to NY… even one of those “retirement villages”… just get me away from this shit! – Fire in the wood-stove again tonight. And no word about a fire-wood delivery. No matter… where-ever it gets dumped, it stays. I’m not being “kind” any more. – Thinking of just sleeping-in tomorrow. We’ll see how that goes. – And to think she expected me to take her up Mt. Royal to the cross. “Let’s go to Montreal!” Yeah. Right. Sure. Nope.

Fri.8.Sep: 9.51 Just up. Just in from smoke. Mme. in the kitchen. Ignored me as I walked past the window. Probably for the best. – Should be lawn day. But lawns are wet. – Library open at 14.00-18.00. There’s 4 hours… “away”. Again… “away”. – Feeling terrible this morning. Congested. Wheezing. Left side of neck and head are stiff, painful. – Another day. – 21.21 And 3 hours (15-18.00) at the library. RE-SENT THE APS*. – Almost to the end of posting April to LN on-line. – Comforted knowing the Youtube audio is still up and running. (And as I thumb this, the fucking dog bounds up and down the stairs. They won’t get rid of it and Mme.Q. will put up with it and it’s none of my business.) – There’s 2 packs of smokes on the kitchen table. I haven’t acknowledged them. But I’ve been in the room. – Ate the cheese I’d bought for tuna melts on Thursday past. 2 sammiches. Mme. offered “those chicken sausages” (andouille). I declined. – Mimou has spent the evening on her lap. At one point, I sat on the sofa with Hallie, Mimou came over and I had both by me. THEY know I’m not evil. – Stomach is churning. Anxieties. – Tomorrow… rainy. Shabbat. And I’ll be in no rush to wake.

Sat.9.Sep: 9.01 Just up, coffee, loo, smoke. Woke during sleep with some serious pain in the chest. And now, feeling incredibly run-down. Could go right back to sleep. Library open 9-13.00. Hopefully I’ll look “awake” in 45 minutes. -9.57 At the library and not feeling at all well. Stomach is churning. I used the little WC before leaving the house and apparently “missed the bowl. Wet floor. Didn’t flush. Mme. had company. So there’s this morning’s BM in the bowl. Oh well… c’est la vie. I just hope my stomach/bowels will hold out until 13.00. Ah… it’s so much like the old days… of running along the subway tracks, with no place of comfort to be found. Well… on with the transcriptions du jour. 12.29 Only 3 days on April done. But posted. It goes slowly. – Stomach managed to hold-out though. – Interesting to be able to sit for so many hours here, in this library, no pressure… and always so calm, quiet, almost empty. So different from the NYC days of having to travel round The City and at times, the noise and chaos. Well… closing is at 13.00 and it will be back to Hell… Made it through yesterday… let’s see how (not “if”) we make it through today. Then there’s Sunday… and hopefully a lawn-mowing day at 172 (I will NOT mow 5199 until I get assurance that I won’t be blamed for more bull-shit!). – 18.34 and getting ready to go back to bed. Just had 4 franks on rolls, no condiments. “Daily meal”. – 3 hours at library. Wonderful chats with Kathleen. *AND PLAYED THE 3 MESSAGES FOR HER.* NOW, SOMEBODY ELSE KNOWS.* It came about when we talked about tomorrow’s weather and I mentioned not mowing 5199. She asked why. I began explaining the “event” of 30 August and the played my copy of the messages. She asked if Jacquie heard the messages. I said yes. Asked if she knows that I’ve heard them. I said no. So, as I say: *SOMEBODY ELSE KNOWS.* It probably means nothing, but I feel a little better knowing that somebody else is aware. I really have to find a way to get Stanhope to hear them. Hmm… I wonder. – And so, Mme.Q. is sacked-out on the recliner. Wood burning in the stove. She mentioned having to call Pat Stanley. She’ll get more wood. He’ll dump it. I’ll leave it. No more stacking. Let the town talk now. No doubt they won’t ask ME why. But I don’t care. – Pondering: a weekly motel rental in NY to start out, as I did coming here. “Off-Season” again. Perhaps November… – 23.41 Hours of “All Creatures Great And Small” and a last smoke. Insomnia. All day I could have dropped to deep, comfortable sleep. But now? Most of me would be out the door, into the clear night, to drive, if the Subaru would take me, or a walk, if this hole of a town didn’t depress me so. My chest is sore, as if it had been repeatedly kicked, my neck is stiff. – The phone’s at 100% charge. I’ll check the latest on Irma… and then try for some sleep. I don’t like to think how awful it’ll be to wake later. But the old cow’s going to mass, fucking hypocrite, at some point. Asked if I needed anything in Enosburgh. I told her ” No”. I don’t, really. But even if I did… nothing to indenture myself to her. Shit-bag.

Sun.10.Sep: 9.37 Difficult to get out of bed this morning. VERY HEAVY chest. But, just in from smoke with Hallie who’s chewed her left hind haunch again. Must have done over-night. Mme, whines “Anxiety again? Over the cat? I don’t know what else it could be. I hope I don’t have to take HER to the vet now.” I’m not happy that Hallie’s chewing, but I AM happy she did it whilst the old cow is in the house. – But, well… Mme. was dressed and ready to roll out the door. Picks up the cat and hands him to me to hold as she leaves. I said “I don’t want to hold him.” I mean, she has to learn to deal with her pets. So, Mimou goes into the cage and Mme. and Hallie head out the door… off to church and Aunt “Lis”. Yay. The grass can dry whilst they’re gone and when they return, I’ll go mow 172. – Meanwhile… I’ve got the house… for what-ever that’s worth. At least I don’t have the screech. – 22.45 I”’ve been in bed from since about 20.00. Mme. returned from her dinner at the Unitarian church shortly after I’d come to bed. – The lawn at 172 was mowed today. – When Mme. left for her dinner, I went to the store for mustard, relish, a tin of soup, cookies. Spoke with Jada and told her of the “messages” and situation here. “People in this town have no idea what she really is.” I said. “You mean a bitch? You can SEE it.” she replied. “She’s got them all bamboozled.” I said. “I’m not from here” she said “so she doesn’t fool me.” Another one knows now. – At 172, Rick has painted the door. His work has begun. Odd… she could have paid me and I could leave sooner. But she knows she’ll lose her pet-sitter, house-keeper and grounds-keeper… and THAT’S WHY SHE DOESN’T. I see it clearly now.

Sun.10.Sep: Thoughts of 11 September 2001
10 Sept. 2017 23.15

When, after some weeks, I was able to get to my little post office on Pine Street to fetch my mail, I got off the train, walked the blocks from Broadway, through the grey dust, breathing in the specks and stench of electric fire and remnants of The Trade Centre. There was grey dust, soot and ash, 12 inches deep and more in the gated entry-ways of closed buildings. It all looked like a post war photo. People walked about with sullen, blank stares.

By the time I got to the post office, I was trembling, needing so much to sob. My hand shook as I put the key into the lock on my post office box. In the little box was a notice: too much mail, come to the window.

At my turn, I stepped up to the counter, handed the clerk the notice. He took it, turned away and went to fetch my mail.

When he returned to the counter, he placed a small bundle of envelopes and such on the counter and smiled, as he usually did.

I looked into his eyes. “It’s good to see you.” I said, quietly.

His eyes welled with tears over his smile. “It’s good to see you too.” he replied.

“We’re still here.” I said, holding my voice steady.

“Yes we are.” he almost whispered. Some of us… Yes we are.”

“See you tomorrow then.” I smiled.

“See you tomorrow. Thank you.” he replied.

● There are some things in life that can never be “un-done”:
The ringing of a bell,
the creaking of an old door,
the singing of a song,
the first chirp of a bird in the earliest morning hour,
a baby’s first cry,
the utterance of the words “I love you”
and the vivid memories of the morning of 11 September 2001…
the days that followed…
the stench of burnt buildings…
and people
in the New York City air…
and all the years there-after.

● My photos and Journal of that day and of the subsequent days are gone, stolen. But the images in my mind, heart and soul are as brilliantly vivid today as they were the moment they occurred. These can never be stolen… nor will they ever be forgotten. How strange, but even now I can still smell and taste that acrid soot-filled air.

Mon.11.Sep: 19.19 Mme. rolled out of here at about 10.45, with Hallie, to attend her picnic. ***SHE LEFT A TEA TOWEL ON THE STOVE, ON THE EYE! THE STOVE WAS, THANKFULLY, OFF.*** At about 11.00, I rolled out to the library where I got almost all of April transcribed. A beautiful day that would have been better spent out of doors but… At the library, a response, on e-mail, to my APS message! It came from “AHS” asking me if I bathe, need medical services. I replied that I need none. THEY’VE RECEIVED MY FORM! Hopefully they’ll phone this week. Maybe they’ll find me some-where else to go to… until I can get to NY. We shall see. – Came back to the pit at 14.00 and dozed, with Mimou on my lap. Dozed to snoring! Woke, had a tin of SpaghettiOs and finished my cookies. – Mme. rolled back in almost 17.00 claiming the picnic was in Newport, she’d gone visiting after and taken a wrong road back. She put her things together and left for work… no good bye. As she got her shit together… I FED HALLIE AND MIMOU. – I was in the room and stayed here. Snoozed for about an hour or so, just woke, am in jammies, ready for the night. The little heater is on. – Checked the house. Mme. left the TV on, a light in the living-room, a light in the pantry. Dishes in the drain-board. Dirty cookware on the stove. Unless APS comes, it will all stay as is. – And so, I’m down for the night as the stomping up-stairs commences. “My day” is done. – My stomach and bowels are in a constant state of turmoil these days. “SHELTER DAYS”.
*** 20.17 THE STOMPING IS INCREDIBLE TONIGHT!!! LITERAL “PARADE” RHYTHM TO IT!!! SHE’S RUNNING IT OVER-TIME!!! POOR HALLIE’S ALREADY CHEWING HERSELF AGAIN AND THE QUNT’S BLAMING THE CAT! ***

Tue.12.Sep: 8.25 New morning routine: Me up, coffee, loo, dress, feed cat and dog, smoke, let dog out, clean litter box. Laundry in. And today, wash bath rug… Mimou decided to pee on it last night. – Chilly but sunny morning. Lawn heavy with dew. Tuesday. Fuck. – Woke with all sorts of crunches in the neck. Heavy chest. Breaking down, me. Good. One of these mornings I won’t wake at all. Fine. Fuck. – Library 14-19.00 today. – 18.38 Well.. Into May on the transcription. Library from 14.39-17.30. Whilst there, Dave came in and spoke, briefly. Kerry came in and said nothing to me but chatted with Kathleen. When I left, came to the hiuse, fed Halllie, who went out ad had to be coaxed back in to eat, and Mimou, who hadn’t finished breakfast. I went to the store for bread, V8 and ice cream (which tastes like shit) and cookies for later. On the way back, as I passed 5225, Bobo was hauling some “stuff” from the barn to the dumpster out front. I focused on my route. I’ve nothing to say… to anybody, really, in this town. – Got my laundry done this morning. Washed my pillows too so a shower is rather mandatory tonight and I’d sooner be in bed now, already. – The animals know something’s not “right” with me in the house. But I don’t have “that love” in my heart. I DO SO MUCH LOVE them both, but Hallie’s bull-shit of staying in “her” room (as I stay in “mine”, come to think of it) and reluctance to come back in from out-side is more a pain than much else. Annoying. – And the fact that I can’t tolerate the banging up-stairs, the general bull-shit round here, can’t watch TV in peace… it’s all just getting worse. – “Cleaned out” many “files” on the phone today. Photos to thumb-drive. Kept the “audios” on though. – Well… it’s relatively quiet now. It was a beautiful day… wasted. The lawn here is a mess and too, the kitchen. I’m out of shits and fucks to give about it. – 20.38 SHOWERED AND IN BED! – And the Twats have let their dog out for the first time all day. – My door is closed. Bath-room door is closed. I took Halkie out at 20.00 for a stroll and came back with promises of hot-dogs. Mimou was at the front door so I had to literally drag Hallie up onto the porch and as I pulled her collar to get her in, she slipped out of it. So? By the scruff of her neck she was brought in. I turned out the lights, the TV, got me to the shower. No more bull-shit. Between the fucking animals and the STOMPING now going on up-stairs… I’ll feed, water and walk the pets, clean the litter box (mostly so I don’t catch the odour on me), tidy after myself and that’s that. Lawn-mowing is my”time away” so that will continue. But done is done. – And as I’ve mentioned: STOMPING IS IN FULL FORCE ABOVE. THEY MUST KNOW I’M NOT IN THE LIVING-ROOM BECAUSE IT’S AS CLOSE AS THEY CAN GET TO THIS ROOM. COINCIDENCE? I THINK NOT. NORMALLY IT’S OVER THE LIVING-ROOM WHERE I’D BE WATCHING TV… BUT I CAN’T DO THAT ANY MORE… WITH ALL THIS STOMPING. – Tomorrow… another call to APS.

Wed.13.Sep: 10.27 CRAMPS! EMERGENCY PROJECTILE DIARRHOEA!!! TWICE, since I got out of bed, shortly after 8.00. Lovely start to this sunny day. This stress and anxiety are taking their toll. And all the while I wonder what, if anything, APS is doing. Of course, it’s “Vermont” APS so I can safely assure… NOTHING is being done. And that keeps the anxiety level at peak. – The zoo has been fed. Hallie must have passed the night chewing at herself. But was her bouncy self this morning at breakfast. NO doubt, Mme. Qunt will blame the cat… of course, taking NO personal responsibility. – Time for a social media blitz… Just need to decide which account. – No library today. Alas. So… to find a way to pass the day. The 5199 lawn needs mowing but won’t get that until I have something in writing giving permission and relieving me of all responsibility for any “grass on car” and other bull-shit accusations and nonsense. 172 will get done on Friday. – 20.02 Showered. In bed. Wash in. AND STOMPING COMMENCES. They were out all day and came in as I was showering… BANG! – A nothing day. Very warm but cold in the house. Would have been another perfect yard-day, but… And the grass grows ever taller and I’ve no shits to give. – Saw last night, APS has 10 days to respond to claims. I was going to phone today but didn’t. At least I know they have my file. 10 days. Tomorrow is library, 9-18.00. I’ll have to check the date of second e-mail… and count. – For now… soc.med. and reading and hoping to sleep. – That “mass” in the upper left chest is annoying. – 22.13
Lyle was never big on “Thank you”, but when I’d done with mowing the lawn, he’d smile and say “It looks like a golf course.” That was his ” Thanks” and gratitude, and it was much more than enough. “I’m so sorry you never got to meet my mother.” he’d say. “You two would have gotten along so well.” His mother was the World to him and so, that too, was a compliment higher than most others. He had a very large and sensitive heart. He’d rightfully grown bitter because Life held him away from his little joys. Particularly his music, the music where he’d get escape and get lost into. And he had a spouse who wouldn’t bother an extra bit to help him have even the slightest bit of it. “You’re like a brother to me, my friend.” I’ll always remember him this way.
I don’t have respect for Catholics. Delusional. Convinced themselves that their “Jesus” can and does forgive them, absolves them of even their worst treachery. I suppose Oma needed that phantasy for some reason I didn’t know then and don’t care to know now. I never witnessed her intentionally cause grief or harm to others, but maybe she did, or believed she had and needed some unconditional forgiveness… real or imagined. But THIS one here… this “Madame Q.” is a different story. This one is consumed with and by intentional tresspass against every and any target at her disposal. And knowingly, she goes on about her existence with a particular goal, to inflict pain of any possible sort, as much, often and deep.as she can. And knowing her cruelty, admitting it only to herself, believes she can toddle off to some idiot who’s even more mentally ill than she, some moron who believes he has the authority to absolve her of her crimes and sins, in the name of their shared “deity” and that all is well and be well for her. For hers is the kingdom of Heaven because her prophet-idol allegedly proclaimed it so.
SHE works against me, works to un-do any and all work that I do. Perhaps it’s done to keep work available so that I don’t leave her “to freeze to death in this house”, as she told Cecil he was doing as he laid, being literally gnawed to his death by cancer. Or, as is more likely, she does it out of spite, bitter for some un-known reason. Maybe she can’t do… or, as I rather suspect, won’t do the work and seeing work done well and proper, resents it. What-ever the reason… evil is how I’ll remember her.

It was 21.17:
Hope all is well in frigglin? I will be stopping @ Costco do you need anything there? I also have many other stops before I get home. Good night!
I’d just put the phone down and was reading. Typical of her… “many other stops”. NO sense of responsibility toward the house, her pets. Never mind, me. And then there’s the fire-wood delivery she’s not mentioned, expecting it to be dumped some-where on the grounds and stacked… by me. As if I will, of course, do so. (And I won’t… Not this time.) I didn’t reply then… I won’t reply at all. Looks like this month she’ll pay her own way “@ Costco”.

Thu.14.Sep: 11.43 Late start here at the library. But this morning was a lot of soc.med. – Beautiful day out there. Another warm one with breezes. And here, again, I sit, in a library… catching-up with Journal transcriptions… and technically Homeless. AND… guts’n’bowels CHURNING LIKE HELL! How it never seems to end… NEVER. – I was awake at 4.00 this morning… hadn’t been to nor could I fall asleep. Up at about 8.15. This evening is going to prove Hellish… I’ve NO DOUBT the she-witch will be confrontational, inciting turmoil. I’m so fed up… just SO fed-the-fuck-up! – 17.28 Library from 11-16.00. Mme. in when I returned. Offered a beer, Tea, dinner. Declined. Took Hallie out. Came to room. Tin of “Chunky” soup. Smoke. Jammies on. In bed. May I be granted sleep through til tomorrow. Doubtful. – (On Fri. 17.24 at the library.) My head hit the pillow and I was out until about 20.00. Laid in bed until 22.00 when Mme. went to bed. Got up, had a smoke, did a bit of soc.med. and read until about 1.30. Just total shit being in that place. Total murder.

Fri.15.Sep: 13.00(12.50) Wood delivery… back-yard. Not a word to me. Good luck with that. In an hour I’m off to the library. Would really rather nap but… – 16.45 at the library since about 14.20. Got my statements on the banque and TSP printed here. – MUST NOTE: * A CORD OF WOOD GOT DELIVERED TODAY AT ABOUT 13.00!!! * THERE WAS NEVER A WORD ABOUT IT. IT PAT JUST SHOWED-UP IN THE BACK YARD AND DUMPED IT. I’D BEEN UP FROM SINCE ABOUT 8.30 THIS MORNING. STAYED TO THE ROOM ALL DAY EXCEPT FOR A FEW MOMENTS WHEN I HAPPENED TO BUMP INTO HER ON THE PORCH AND *HELPED* HER CREATE A LITTER-BOX WITH THE OLD CARRIER FOR KITTY. I OFFERED AS LITTLE HELP AS I POSSIBLY COULD, OF COURSE. BUT SHE HAD ALL MORNING TO AT LEAST MENTION THE WOOD DELIVERY. WELL.. OF COURSE SHE’S TAKING IT FOR GRANTED THAT I’LL BE OUT THERE TO STACK. NOT IN THIS LIFE-TIME. THAT SHIT CAN SIT RIGHT WHERE IT IS FOR AS LONG AS IT’S THERE. *IF* I GET PERMISSION, IN WRITING, TO MOW 5199, I’LL SIMPLY MOW AROUND IT. LET HER GET HER TWAT TO STACK THIS CORD. I’M NOT FEELING WELL AND I’M NOT FEELING “GIVING” NOR “CARING”. – It’s been a HOT day… a bit hazy. this morning’s weather reports that Sunday should be warmer and clear. I can only hope. But tomorrow the library is open in the morning and so I’ll be back to continue transcriptions.*SHELTER DAYS” are here again. – Took a moment to post a nasty reference to APS VT on fesses-book whilst I’m here. Oddly, it wasn’t moments later when I came back in from a smoke that there’s a “missed call” from “Duluth GA” on my phone. I wonder if it’s Dorothy. Oh well… I’m in no mood to get into my private life with her. What-ever I say, I’ve no doubt, will get right to the Hudson Valley and THAT’S not happening. – Still… it would have been a lovely day to spend out of doors. – Now, I have to figure what to get to eat later and how to get it into the house with-out having to make it obvious. WOW! Here we go again with the “food” shit. I should just stop being such a complete fuktard about the whole issue. – Anyway, my mind is wandering and I’m only just beginning 15 May’s transcription. Thought I’d take a moment to get this down before moving along. – 19.53 A tin of Chunky and a tin of fruit cocktail just done and a smoke. Day is done. – When I came in at about 18.00 I could smell the bleach. SHE ACTUALLY WASHED THE KITCHEN FLOOR! (But I over-heard her tell somebody, on the phone, she’d see them tomorrow so I suppose there’s company.) – She’d gone for a walk with Hallie at some point. Stopped at 172. Whined because the work she’d contracted Rick to do isn’t getting done… and the sale can’t progress until it’s complete. No lap-top for me. Qunt. But I’m rather delighted. Had I done it, all would have been completed by now. Tough shit toots. – Learned today: “AHS” is Adult Human Services. THEY have my report as well as APS. I sent an e-mail enforcing my angst. – And tonight, I HAVE to comment: The PAIN in my left shoulder-blade, every one of my muscles, my necks, head, the “heaviness”, almost “congestion” in my chest… it makes moving difficult. Breathing is a bit of an effort. CA-Lung? All I ask is: Don’t make me die in this shit-hole state. – I need to look a bit more into hotels, the way I came here. And I need to get money for one… even a month. BEFORE October would he nice. I doubt I’ll be so blessed but… Meanwhile, yes, there’s “something quite wrong”… and I’m not going to ponder it. – A little soc.med., a bit of reading. Tomorrow, library at 9.00 (until 13.00). A reprieve. –
21.55 Mme. went to bed and the Twats let the dog out and the STENCH OF DOG SHIT WAFTING IN THE ROOM IS STRONG ENOUGH TO BURN MY NOSTRILS! AND I’D JUST PUT THE FAN BACK IN (NOT RUNNING) TODAY BECAUSE OF THE HEAT!
Time to keep.a record… especially now that the Journal is being transcribed. –
22.10 THE STENCH IS SO THAT I SUSPECT THEY’RE TOSSING DOG SHIT INTO OPEN GARBAGE CANS OUT-SIDE/UNDER THE WINDOW. There’s none on the lawn lately.

Sat.16.Sep: 7.52 Pee in a bottle. Coffee water from another bottle. Dressed. Managed a smoke alone out back. Mme. in the kitchen. Phone ringing. A flurry of activity outside the window. And me? Feeling that I got enough sleep last night but still “heavy-chested” and sore. But discovered, this morning, that I can simply “share” these little “memos” directly to e-mail and send them along to be retrieved else-where, and posted to the on-line journal. How convenient is that? – The room still smells of dog-shit this warm, hazy, damp morning. And the dump of yesterday’s fire-wood is still piled in the yard… – The Twats are in the car already this morning. Mme. played about the porch, thwacking earlier. An “interesting” sort of Saturday morn… here… in Shit-hole. – Library opens at 9. My escape. Hopefully my energy will hold. Not that I have much. – 10.38 Library. And JUST saw Mme. drive away, West-ward. She was all gussied this morning when I left the house (about an hour ago). Shame I didn’t get more food yesterday… I could have (maybe) actually eaten something “proper” today. Oh well… Meanwhile… back to transcribing in the peace. – – 16.38 heard the ruckus on the stairs, looked out to see Mr. Twat looking at the pile of fire-wood in the back yard. Now… my gut tells me… there’s more collusion to come. Next: lawn- mowing. He’s not stacking the wood (yet). But I see… – OH* AND I GET IN FROM THE LIBRARY TO FIND A LETTER FROM APS: THEY DON’T SEE CAUSE TO INVESTIGATE!!! OH NO? 2 PHONE CALLS, NEITHER VULGAR BUT INTENSE. AND MULTIPLE POSTINGS ON TWTR… POTUS INCLUDED IN RECIPIENTS. ACLU. HUMAN SERVICES. NATIONAL APS. IF NOTHING MUCH ELSE COMES OF THIS, THIS ADDRESS WILL BECOME “KNOWN”. IT’S TIME TO “SCHMOOZE” WITH MR. STANHOPE.

Sun.17.Sep: 20.40 172 MOWED.14-17.30 – Mme. now knows that I’ve reported her Twat to APS.HRC Dept.Aging. SHE wants to learn the ride-on to mow 5199! WON’T GIVE WRITTEN PERMISSION. DENIES DISCUSSING REMOVING ME FROM THE HOUSE. *ADMITTED SHE’S LEARY OF MR. TWAT: “HE’S GOT A TEMPER PROBLEM.”
Went to Hannaford’s. Coffee. Creamer. PopTarts. 2 pkgs. franks. Dollar General: Mr.Clean, oil for air freshener. – I’m showered. Painful. Not taking naproxyn. – Daily meal: PopTarts. – She’ll be gone the entire week… Qunt. – Soc.med. and reading time now. – Fukkitall.

Mon.18.Sep: 9.00 Up at 7.00 and don’t know why. But libray opens at 10 and I’ll be toddling. Mimou has to go to the vet at 13.30, library open until 14.00. Mme. thinks I’ll be “helping” her learn the ride-on mower today. Yes? Just as much as she’s “helped” keep the Twat away from me. – And to THAT… There’s already phone messages from Dept. of Aging this morning in response to my messages of Saturday. I’ve gone to the “Court of Public Opinion”… Twtr, about it all. Too bad I won’t have the time to “get back to” them today… but I WILL have the week to “work” on this. I’ve brought out my copy of my “Meal Ticket” from the Shelter as a reminder: It’s now a matter if handling my defence as is befitting MY situation… “Shelter-style”. As then, so too now: I asked only for a bit of “support”, for people to do what they’re paid to do… as I did in the Shelter. They refuse? I do what I “must”… for me. – Call just in as I thumb this on the phone. Looks like SOMEBODY’S probably pissed. Well? Let it ROLL! Randy got away with having Lyle tossed from his own home. I see no reason why I shouldn’t be afforded same consideration as that scofflaw moron. – 13.51 Got to the library shortly after 10.00 and just getting back to an empty house. Mimou had to go to the vet and Mme. took Hallie. How charming. – Noisy in the library. That “Bret” (or what-ever) queen came in. I was up-stairs and the yacking was so horrific that I put on the iPod! But over-heard: Kathleen and Sally are BOTH, STAUNCH LIBS! “I don’t recognise him (as President)” says Kathleen. Sally? Well, that poor dear is OBVIOUSLY “disadvantaged”. And “Bret”? We had a “heated” chat at Jes and Kerry’s a while back so… known. – And so… I almost finished the transcription through 29 May! June, July and early August remain. It’s oddly familiar, going to the library to type… but oddly strange… walking to and from… across the street. But a delight to get out and away from this house… just as I did at the Shelter. Those days will never end… so it appears. But I must get the journal on-line. “Legacy”. – Another quite HOT day today. And a hot week to come… HOUSE-SITTING. FUCK. ! – 16.41 and she’s pulling out of the drive. “Have a good week!” “If anything happens… text me.” Yeah… Fuck you. – I got the back mowed, where I park the Subaru and to the back fence. Did it whilst she baked. No sooner done, Mrs. Twat came in from some-where and moved their car to where Mme. parks her truck. So, now the rest most certainly won’t be mowed (and it’s already quite high) because I dare not run the mower out passed their car, lest there be allegations of something being thrown up on it. Alas. Tough shit. I have a week of nothing to do… save general maintenance. – Shame about the timing. The one call I could have returned is in the office until.16.30. But, there’s tomorrow… all day. – The thermometer on the porch reads 80F! But it would have been lovely to mow… since, because I did, so too Dickie, Cynthia Gates and now the Town. Honestly… the words of Jack Malone: You’re making the rest of them look bad. Fucktards – 19.45 ALL-OUT STOMPING… FROM THEIR KITCHEN, TO LIVING-ROOM!!! AND I MEAN ACTUAL STOMPING!!! PATRICK… RUNNING-STOMPING… PARTICULARLY IN THEIR KITCHEN WHICH IS OVER THE LITTLE ROOM. Closed door tonight. They KNOW that Mme. is away tonight at work. It wasn’t this bad all the while she was here on the week-end. – Meanwhile, 4 franks and some V8 for “meal”. Ice cream after. – And Hallie’s refusing to come back into the house so I’ll get a leash now, bring her in. I’m ready to get into bed. No shower tonight. Too damned exhausted… mainly because of nerves… anxieties… depression. – Tomorrow… *SHELTER MORNING with Case-workers*… that’s how I’m viewing it. How fucking miserably sad.

Tue.19.Sep: 17.28 At the library again today. Sunny. Warm. Would have been the perfect day to be out-of doors all day but… it’s not to be of these days here. – Got out of bed shortly after 8.00 to feed the zoo and have my coffee and… all I’ve actually done all day was wash the table on the porch to put my plants back out in the warmth and light. – Phoned those 2 women who called me about APS. Had to leave messages for both. Of course, I came to the library at about 14.30 and THEN, as I’m typing June’s transcriptions, a call comes in. (Well, good to know that the phone works in the library… But I didn’t take the call. I’ll have to call back tomorrow. Good thing I have the week… if, in fact, I do… but I do have tomorrow anyway.) – Been rather “ill” all day too. Bowels mostly. It’s all nerves. – And now… I really should and must get back to the house to get food for the “aminals”. Precious little things. I’m rather fed-up with Hallie though. She’s afraid of Mimou and when I let her out of the house to pee, she won’t come back in. Pisses me off! She won’t even come in for hotdogs. Although, there IS a little video on-line about another dog who’s afraid of a cat. So I suppose… I’ll just have to work on these two as best I can. – Meanwhile… time to get rolling here. Worst part? No library tomorrow! But at least I’ve gotten June begun. Little by little… and who knows? Maybe I’ll break down and use Mme.’s. We shall see. – (All the while I’ve been here, that “Marilyn” has been sitting behind me. I went out for a smoke and when I came back in I noticed she had an image of Trump on the screen… and I KNOW she’s another one of these “WAY RADICAL OUT THERE FAR ALT-LEFT” idiots. Oh well… time to post this on-line and get the hell out of here. I dread going back into that house… I DREAD IT!

Tue.19.September.2017
Now I Lay Me Down…
12.03
Now I lay me down, to sleep
beside my bed, my weapons keep.

If I should wake from slumber deep
to arms in need I quickly leap.

For in repose, my life, I fear
is to be taken. Threat is near.

And though, perhaps, I’ll fight in vain,
the mem’ries of battle will remain.
Long aft’ my body is rot and gone
you might forget my effigy
but ne’er forget my legacy.

19.28 Jammies on. In bed with the sun-set. Like the Tilden Days. And… on cue… the Twats commence. In Tilden, the world went quiet and calm at sun-set. But more like Wingdale, with the dark comes insanity. – Dinner was 4 franks and ice cream after. And that was done merely under an hour ago. – As for my take on the day? Got quite a bit of typing done, so not “all” was lost. Tomorrow, no library so I’ll get to the garage and the house-work. The floor in this room is a mess. Hasn’t been cleaned in almost 2 weeks now. Oddly, I don’t care any more. – The back porch will get washed as well. – It’s interesting, transcribing the journal and seeing just how bad it’s actually gotten round here. Especially seeing the incidents where fire-crackers were thrown at my window. Tomorrow I’ll be sure to mention that, should I get to talk with anyone. – But for now… it’s a wrap of this day. Soc.med. and reading. And, as it is with days in Vermont: Fuck it, fuck them, fuck all. – 22.13 FLIES! IT’S LIKE SITTING ATOP A FUCKING OPEN LAND-FILL IN THIS ROOM! FUCKING DJNG-HEAP, THIS HOUSE!

Wed.20.September * Rosh Hashannah 5778*
10.16 The back porch is washed. I’m on the front porch waiting for the back porch to dry. – Woke at 8.00, fed the brood before my own coffee, smoke and loo. Had coffee Put tye garbage out. . Got dressed and hit the back porch with bleach, oil soap and Lysol in hot water. A spray of Clorox Cleanup after. – Meanwhile, the window fan in the window is on exhaust. The Twats have their garbage at the window… no lid on the barrel, again. Laat night I couldn’t put the fan on to bring in air because of the HORRIFIC STENCH OF DOG SHIT. Apparently the Twats now put it in with the garbage so it comes in through the window. – – The lawn is growing bigher. The fire-wood pile is where Pat Stanley left it. And me? Not touching any of it. – Time for second coffee and ANOTHER call to APS. – 14.53 *** The window fan is on exhaust and the stench of dog-shit STILL wafts in!*** – APS bimbo phoned this morning, got an ear-full including being told of my soc.med. postings. “I’ll pass this information you’ve shared, to the Commissioner.” Yep. – 20.22 A little TV… destroyed by BAM BANG BUMP BANG STOMP!!! – Having a couple of Teas tonight. How nice… a holiday… in this SHIT!!! – But… Hallie had hotdogs & she AND Mimou were on the sofa with me this evening! –

Thu.21.Sep: 11.27 Library on another sunny morning. And I learn… As I was talking with Linda, Pam came in and asked how Jacquie’s trip is. She’s leaving from work and off to Rhode Island… with her Maryrose today. How charming. Just walk out the door… “Have a good week.” and … there we have it. Taken for granted. It would be a delight if something came along and I could leave… I’d be gone, gone, gone. (Unfortunately, such blessings are not of my life.) Well… back to the Journal.

Fri.22.Sep: 8.46 The zoo is fed. I’ve had coffee, smoke and another late start to another brilliant day of… nothing. Library at 14.00. And that covers it all. – 16.40 JUST FINISHED JULY! 7 pages typed. Non-stop! Got here at about 14.16! – 16.55 Finishing at the library for another day. – Today… I re-arranged the little room to give me more space. Cleaned out the armoire… took all the shit and stuffed it into the chest of drawers. Shirts, mostly. Just “stuffed” it all into the chest of drawers. Then Hoovered. The mail-bags went into the armoire so they’re out of sight. Brought the plants back into the room because the nights are getting chilly and the orange tree… well… I worry about that more than much else. So there’s a light on the plants, there’s space on the floor and I don’t give a shit or a fuck about whether Mme. approves or not. – Just went for a smoke and check of the house. It’s HOT out there today! Another day fucked about that could have been quite productive. But I took care of ME and MY needs, so that’s a delight. – I have to note: Not a word from the Qunt. I’ve no idea when she’s to return. Not that it makes any difference. I’m not “doing” anything for her any longer. – Planning on mowing 172 on Sunday. No doubt, she’ll be back by then and I’ll NEED to get the fuck away from her. (And, no doubt, she’ll need “help” with her fucking orders… There was an electric outage at some point the past couple of days. It turned her lap-top off… CHAOS? WTF do I care? Not any at all. But I can already hear the whining. I want to be DEAD!) – Will check the mail en route back to the shit-hole. Have to get something for “dessert” tonight. And then? I need a shower tonight and looking forward to being in bed again… by 20.00. Tomorrow? SHABBAT! FTW. – 23.50 Been showered and in bed from since about 21.30 and enjoying reading and the relatively calm evening since the Twats were gone from since earlier. Ah, but didn’t they return only just now and HAD to fling something in and about the trash cans out-side the window. Luckily the fan is cycling… “exhaust” and probably pulling a bit of the air-freshening oil scent out with it as it suddenly cycled “on” as somebody banged about..- Well, 10 minutes or so of that, a bit of running through their kitchen and now… (hopefully) they’re off to something resembling “human”… going to bed… I say “hopefully” because Twats have no concern for time… and no aptitude for anything truly “human”. Then again, Mimou is on the floor, on a sheet-covered flannel I put there for him to lay on tonight. HE knows it’s day’s end. Just goes to show and prove who’s “feral” in this house.

Sat.23.Sep: 8.21 Up. Coffee. Breakfast for the farm. Smoke. Loo. And as I sit at the loo… Stomp. Shabbat begins. Imagine… they (Twats) rolled in at just before mid-night. Well, if they’re being remunerated for their efforts at being an annoyance, it’s money well-invested. – Library at 9.00. A few hours away from it. – Shabbat and a new year. But all remains the same: shit. –
12.14 *CAUGHT-UP WITH THE WRITTEN JOURNAL TRANSCRIPTION!!! AT THE LIBRARY!!!
17.20 and another days slips into oblivion. – Had Ramen for “meal” and a few chocolate raisins after and with-out chewing the raisins… A CROWN ON A LOWER-RIGHT TOOTH CAME OFF. WELL… SOMETHING ELSE FALLING APART HERE. Hopefully no pain to come. Same tooth on the left is broken down to the gum-line and has been for years. Here’s another one to go. – Meanwhile, forgot to mention yesterday: Message from FS… MY MONTHLY HAS BEEN REDUCED BY 2 DOLLARS TO 192! Oddly, I was going to go to the store yesterday, for some kind of dessert, looked at my balance, saw 40 bucks and decided not to go. After, I went to the P.O. and got the notice. All that shopping that Mme. did on my FS and all that I haven’t eaten and now, this. FML… as they say these days. – ALSO… confirmation of change of address for TSP. OH, that I now get out of here SOONER! The coming week, I have to get into house-hunting in NY… It won’t be “long-term” but I have to get out of here. – And so… after no news from the Qunt all week, this morning, a message: at 9.21…”Hi all! Hope everything is ok in the tea cup! Tell Ms Hallie I should be home tonight leave the light for me if I can’t come I’ll text!” Indeed. Well… the place is pretty much as she left it… including the un-mowed lawn here. So? No doubt she’ll roll in AFTER I’ve gone to bed. No prob. Typical. I might WD40 the hinge on the kitchen door (so I don’t have to hear her) but probably better to leave it… so she doesn’t sneak in. In any event, I’ve no doubt she’ll peer through the porch door anyway. Disrespectful as she is. – All said… it’s been a nice time, not having her arguments and ignorance all week. Shame she couldn’t take her Twats with. But… – No rain in the forecast tomorrow. 172 LAWN-MOWING DAY! Work escape! – 20.26 She rolled in at about 19.00. I was watching QI and didn’t bother. Just finishing the watching. Going for a smoke and reading and… – Mimou is in the room with me. Hm…. – 23.37 About 150 pages through the book. – Mme. went off to bed round about 21.30 or so… not a word. Mimou’s out in the house tonight and my door’s closed. It was about 20.00 or so when I went out for a smoke and as I stood on the backnstoop, Hallie came round, followed by the old thing. We chatted about their stroll, Hallie bouncing because her people were accounted for again. The conversation, for what it was, didn’t mention her travels and I honestly didn’t care to hear about them. I felt I didn’t want her company. She mentioned Mimou’s appointment next. Monday? I’m not sure, and she doesn’t recall the time. I don’t much care either. All I keep in mind is what a nasty thing she is, deluded deep in the belief that any kindness is her due, for which she owes no gratitude. She’s got this town bamboozled, thinking of her as Catechism teacher… those who know her as such. But Jada’s words stick: “She’s a bitch. You only have to look at her.” and “I’m not from here.” Well, Bobo spewed his rote at me once: If you can’t help, don’t harm. “Christian” bollocks. They’d sooner mame. Mr. Luce took a gun to her. Mr. King cursed her in the house and in the garden. I’m not going to forfeit any more of my life because of her. I’ve met her kind, plenty, in my life-time, many in the Shelter… Every parasite is here for some reason. None are worth one’s life because no matter what… parasites, like cancers, disappear when their hosts are finally destroyed… and others appear, as they always have and always will… world with-out end… Amen.

Sun.24.Sep: 9.45 Been up from since 8. Kept the door closed. Mme. up from since about 7. AND SHE JUST DROVE OUT AND AWAY… OFF AGAIN. I believe she took Hallie. – 16.04 172 MOWED (13.30-15.30) . Showered. Jammies. In bed. Sun still up and 80F! in this room! – Mme. at her “orders” on the computer. And I’ve NO DOUBT there’ll be a knock on the door at any time now. – Mimou is at the porch door. Attached, the little one. I’m sorry, but I wish NO time too close to the qunt. – As for the rest of the evening… “nap” perhaps. I’ll be back awake in the middle of the night. – Library at 10.00 tomorrow. I’ve some images I want to put in this Journal. And at about 17.00… HOPEFULLY the cow will head out to pasture until Thursday. – FUCK! I NEED OUT OF HERE! When I’d done the mowing I contemplated… Louisiana. (?)

Mon.25.Sep: 1.00 She left me alone all evening! I’d fallen asleep for about 3 hours (yesterday after mowing), woke at about 19.00 and have been up since, reading. No intrusions! Good. The “relationship” is leaving “friendship”… she’s certainly NOT my “friend”. – Anyway… time for another nap. Library at 10.00. – 8.57 and feeling, as usual, that I haven’t slept in months. And only JUST waking. Though, I was still awake at 2.00. But, am dressed and in from morning smoke with… Mimou. – Mme., of course, up and about. Took a call already this morning. And didn’t reply to my “Bonjour”. But told of taming Hallie out last evening and being followed by Mimou… who is on the sill of the porch window. He’s quite the house-kitty. – Well… library at 10. I’ll have to put up with 14-17.00… some-how. – 11.49 At the library (again) and just finishing the “image-adds” from April through now on this on-line Journal. – A bit of a tooth-ache this morning… the one behind the one that lost the crown. Oh… always something. But… at least THIS is caught-up. When I have more hours here, maybe I’ll try to see if I can’t bring the external drive over, and try working on those 200 pages… if they’re on there and if I can work on them here… some-how. This whole place, situation… everything about it all just makes me sick. – 14.26 Images on the Journal. Looked for housing in NY and found a few nice little flats. 1 in Plattsburgh and some in Rouses Point! It’s going to be tight but… it’s not for and “long” duration anyway so… – Came in to an empty house. Opened the porch door to find Mimou! He doesn’t “wander”! Mme. was (is) out picking beans. Mimou and I went for a chat. IT’S THE MOST PRECIOUS SIGHT: THE LITTLE ONE BOUNCING ACROSS THE LAWN. (And the grass in the garden is HIGH! But, the old cow won’t give written permission and waiver so… NO MOW. Besides… at 35$ a mow, she’s currently 480$ in my debt. At least a month’s “rent” on the room… and that’s not including the 300$ base for Hallie – and now Mimou too – care.) Anyway… she said something about “Having Sherry for the week-end”? I wonder: is she “taking clients from the state”? Beware, m’dear… too many know too much about the truths of this place. At least 1 is willing to “talk”. – Well, meanwhile, the thermostat on the window fan is reading 89F! and it’s INCREDIBLY HOT OUT THERE! Were it not on principle, I’d mow. But… nope. She wants to play whining-stupid… play with somebody else. – M’teeth ache a bit. When she ships out… oil pulling. – Meanwhile… almost 2 hours left… let’s see what shit she pulls. Life here… always in dread. – But seeing rentals across the lake is a relief. – 20.20 In bed! TOOTH ACHES TOP AND BOTTOM RIGHT SIDE. I pulled… but. – Pasta-lentils for meal. Dishes washed. Was going to go to the store for sweets and food for the next couple of days. Didn’t. – An “oddity” this evening: Don’t know what it was but something fell, crashing on the porch and moments later, something in the hall or white room crashed. Just out of no-where-nothing. – Meanwhile, as I got up from the recliner just now, Mimou, who was on the floor at me feet, bolted awake with a start! Poor thing. I wonder what trauma he experienced in the barn all those months. – And I note: Tried to get Hallie out at 19.30 for even stroll. She wouldn’t pass Mimou in the dining-room so… she’ll be needing to pee in the morning. I’ve no more patience. Tough love. – Closing thought tonight:
When you admit to making 95k on the job
get 800 (or even 700) in addition each month
and your 401k can repmace 3500& in under 4 months
DON’T tell me you’re broke!
Time to read… It’s miserably hot tonight. Temperature was 32 at about 17.00!

Tue.26.Sep: * HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOYCE *
Midnight. 0.00 Read a few hours. 1 chapter left. And pulled for the longest while. Testh still aching. Just in from last smoke and thinking: Silas. I wonder if the little fellow’s still up here. Well… as crusty and grizzly as I was, I loved him like a son. And maybe my cynicism helped harden him a bit. Truth about life here is that the hardest bit about it is dealing with the arrogance and utter stupidity of these people. Vermonters don’t have a hard life, really. They make it miserable because that’s the way they are… just a miserable lot, unhappy about every facet of their existence. And to see somebody in better spirits brings up a bile of resentment. They do their best efforts to make everybody round them as acrid as they’ve managed to make themselves. I’ve put up with it just a month shy of 6 years… SIX FUCKING YEARS. But tonight, knowing that there’s a good chance of getting back to NY in another month or so makes my mood a bit more tolerable… and my heart a bit lighter… even with the pain in my jaw. – Happy Birthday, Joyce. All these years later… I still remember… and not on cross moment in memory. It was a short while… it was tough… but we had les Mouches, the park, laundry, market and Aunt Pat, Ruben and Tyke. Most important… we had Cynthia. (Vo’ka, Precious and Nakia too.) – These shits here believe their lives to be so miserable, and indeed, they are… because they’ve twisted them that way. WE could have been as miserable… But we chose to have it the opposite. I suppose it’s true: Today IS what-ever I want it to be. – Miserably hit, still. Fan on exhaust. Mimou on the floor. Hallie some-where in the house. I should try to nap… and hope to be painless when I wake. I doubt that’ll be, but the only way to find out is… try. – 8.33 and all the morning “chores” are done, the teeth still ache and I’d very much like to go back to sleep. Daily clothes are in the wash and I’m having a bit of a hard time tapping this out on the phone. – Another hot day ahead too. – There’s a strong temptation to get out and mow but there’s nobody to witness AND I’d rather SHE take responsibility… and SEE what happens as the result of her general bull-shit. So… no mowing. In a short while, it’s going to require a DR. Not my fault, nor my responsibility. She saw the grass yesterday as she “harvested” her beans. Sad, really. All the aggravation of the garden and the only thing she’s gotten is beans and a few ears of corn. Well… she walked away from it, lost a friend and “worker”. As they say: Shit in; shit out. – Library at 14.00. Today… a bit of a re-make of “Woodhauler” to tidy it. Why? I truly don’t know. But… it keeps me occupied. And it’s back to “Shelter Days”… off to the library, computer… a way to pass time until. – (On Wed.) Got to the library at about 14.30 and stayed until almost 17.45. Have begun a WP for “ADK Champlain” instead of “Woodhauler” for “reference/portfolio”. And discovered that I can simply copy the page coding from Woodhauler and it pulls images! Time-saver there, in a way. – Back at the hole, fed the brood, went to the store for ice cream, V8 and chicken patties. Today’s “meal”, chicken and lentils and ice cream. – Another shower (I had one before library). Clothes and linens washed. By about 19.30 I couldn’t stand the banging from up-stairs so… shower and into bed… soc.med. – Got the 3rd book of Herriot’s today and read only the first chapter before lights out at 1.00. – Yet another day… gone. – Ah… but I found WolfJaw in the ADK! EVER SO WONDERFUL, THAT. A DESTINATION.

Wed.27.Sep: 8.22 and “chores” are done. -Woke from a rather pleasant DREAM of being on a beach, in CT some-where, with the Trumps. Not a fancy beach. Similar to Brighton. It was a touch over-cast and we’d arrived at night, after some little, local celebration. But as we were leaving, it was evening. There was no “time” in between though. We arrived, settled, and as I woke, we were all leaving. I had my sheet on the sand some distance from the others and had to scurry to keep up with them as we left. Found a golf ball, in a plastic bag as I was gathering my belongings. Disappointed to see it wasn’t a “Trump” though. And as everybody headed to the cabanas to dress, most of the other people on the bea0ch had already gone, I ran over to gather my things and woke. – This morning I can feel the swelling in my lower-right jaw. An abscess in the works. No pain (yet), but it’s there. Hot compresses to follow, no doubt. – For now… loo and get the garbage out. Another day. Fuck. – Finding it interesting: No words of follow-up from APS and the likes. I see how people get murdered… and nobody knows. Well, it’s as I’ve believed: If they’re dead, they won’t bother us any longer. Shit-bags… that’s really all they are… and collecting salaries for it too. And again I say… Fuck. – 20.21 Showered and on the bed. Bleached the counter-tops today. HAD to!!! Kitchen FULL of fruit-flies!!! In my hair, eyes, ears. Her shit went into the garbage, her assortment of buckets got wiped with bleach… and they’re STILL floating about! But, I’m no longer concerned. Fuck her. Fuck that. Fuck it all. – Hoovered the little room and the kitchen floor. Done. – Stopped at the store for MY Teas and saw Diana O’Hara from the Sheldon Creek PO. It was a PLEASURE to see her and chat a bit. She recommended “Take the money (pension) and spend it while you can.” My flat back in NY! I’ll work on that this week. Better in my account, and it takes about a month anyway. Good timing: pension and Soc.Sec. in at about the same time. – Chicken patties and pasta for meal. Ice cream. There was a little left, so it.went down the drain. – HIT AGAIN TODAY TOO! ABOVE 30! – And now, just waiting for my jeans and t to wash. Then into the dryer and WRAPPED! – I saw that 5225 has no curtains and just boxes. A sofa was out front. This evening, a bit of noise over there. Yep… they’re OUT. Well… that’s leaving Mme. Q. with even fewer folks in town. I can’t wait for my turn! – Oh… tried Dennis again today. Same shit: voice mail and “not available”. I wonder. – Time for a bit of reading. – The lump of abscess is still in my jaw, but thankfully, not painful. I’ve been pulling. Amazing… that actually works. – Quiet sort of day. And Mrs. Twat’s car still isn’t there. It would be fitting if they and I left at about the same time. But, I have faith: tbey’ve destroyed that place up there and Mme. will be paying dearly to have it repaired. Just desserts.

Thu.28.Sep:0.01 another 2 hours and some 50-some pages of Herriot later… Shame he died in ’95… as Linda, over at the library informed me on Monday when she looked it up on… the computer. I’d send him a note if gratitude. – At about 22.15, as forecast, some rain fell. But the stench of dog- shit wafted in on the fan so for the past time, until moments ago, I had the fan on exhaust and read, sweating. So much for the shower I’d taken at 20.00. This fucking hole here. I can’t bear the time until I can haul me out of here and leave nothing behind but what will, no doubt, be an acrid memory and a lot of vitriol spattered and spewed about this town. It’s what they’ll do at table when the old crew get together over the trough… before heading for the door, leaving dishes, pots and pans. Sad lot, this place. – But the fan’s bringing in a breeze now. I had a Tea whilst reading. The fan-breeze is welcome… but the night is heavy, still, the rain passed. – Just in from a smoke on the porch, with Mimou. He attaches himself to me. Cute, but Hallie… well… earlier when I’d looked for her, had let herself out. She was delighted to see me but keeps to herself all day, in that dark room. Poor dear. But, fact is, she needs to get past her skiddishness about the cat. I can’t pamper her. I don’t truly have the patience for either of them. It’s this house, the abuse, the general nastiness toward me. At the VERY LEAST, I’m due consideration. But, as it is here: all is merely their “due”… entitled shits that this state produces. – Quick run through soc.med. No word about a return tomorrow. Typical… selfish inconsideration. But library time… 9-18.00. – 9.22 and I woke at 9.00! Well… I stayed in bed through the alarms and got out of bed when the calendar-tone sounded at 9.00. Tonight begins Yom Kippur. As if… My entire existence is Yom Kippur. – But this morning, when I dozed back to sleep… a DREAM:
I remember only a part of it… a note, printed in ball-point on a sheet of old paper, in quick and almost childish penmanship, received or left for me to find, I’m not sure how I got it. Some news, a request to go see somebody. In part, the message read:
*Tracey McCullough, in the Newburgh Town… tilted pelvis* and I gleaned the rest of the notice. A line about going to see her because she was not doing well and it would be appreciated if I’d go vist her. In the dream, I somehow knew her, hadn’t seen nor heard of or from her in many years and didn’t really want to see her now. But I felt that maybe I should.*
The alarm on the phone woke me out of the dream and because of the name and Newburgh, I jotted the particulars and dozed-off until 9.00. McCullough… Dot… wasn’t that the woman who’d left her husband for the old man? Or was Betty, the 2nd wife, a McCullough? One of them was. And the wording “in Newburgh town”. The style of “Herriot’s” writing. “Tilted pelvis” is a bit like something out of one of the chapters I’d read before lights-out last night. But how odd… the name and town… in a dream. – Oh well. – In contrast to the past week, this morning is mostly clear, with those clouds I’ve always associated with the end of August/beginning of September… and the temperature has dropped to the same period… breezy and “cool”. – The farm is fed. Mimou isn’t eating, for some reason. Hallie is refusing to go out because of the cat. I’ve had coffee and smoke and am in the loo as I tap this… pulling and… – Library is open 9-18.00 today. Mme. had mentioned, on Monday, some funeral.in Farnham, for an aunt, and all the usual scatter-brained nonsense of going/not going, some “Shelly for the week-end”. I’ve NO clue and Mme.’s inconsideration… well… I’ll get me together at some point and go to the library, mostly to get out of this house. – 10.43 She’s baaaack. – 17.22 Been at the library from since about noon.. working on the ADK Champlain blog. Imagine THAT! – Nothing to eat when I get back to the pit tonight… other than chocolate chip cookies. It’s going to be a rough night… But I’ll be in bed in short order when I get back. Not that anything horrid’s been said to me… I just don’t want to be bothered worrying about the possibility that something will be said. – 20.02 I came in at about 18.15. Note on table. Off to a wake. Hallie went too. (I didn’t dare go get food but… anyway…) ***NOTE*** AT ABOUT 19.15, THE TWATS BEGAN, I EARNEST, BANGING, JUMPING, STOMPING AND IT CONTINUES. COINCIDENCE? – Anyway, I went to the library at about noon, worked on the ADK blog/site, returned at about 18.15. A good day away. – And now? Yom Kippur commences. I’m hungry. – (On Friday morning) Mme. rolled in at about 21.30, walked by the slightly open door of the room and said nothing as she headed to the loo. Then, off to watch some TV until about 22.15 or so. I picked up Herriot and began to read until round mid-night. Mimou decided to pass the night in the room, so I left the door ajar in case he needed the “box”.

Fri.29.Sep: 6.49 and 4° this clear morning. We’ve reached the single digits. – Mimou slept in the room here last night, on the little sheet, on the floor, beside the bed. I left the door open just a bit for him during the night because he was here when I put the lights out at about mid-night. – Mme. is stirring. She was in the loo as I wet out for my smoke. – Another day commences. No library, no escape until 14.00 today. And no mowing either. Not here nor at 172. No. I’ll not work today. But at 14.00, I’ll go to build “ADK”. Why? I don’t see finding work from it. But one never knows. But it’s probably better to have it, removed from the politics of Woodhauler… just in case. – 4°… Come the days of frozen car and soon, the frosts. I have to keep in mind that I came here in October… I can leave here in October as well. – Again, today, I “atone”… simply by existing. – Oh… she rolled in at about 21.30, watched a bit of TV, and went to bed at about 22.15 or so. I was reading. – 10.00 and she’s on the road… for the day… some “funeral” and such. Very nice for me. Came to the door all humble “I can’t take Hallie with me…” Oh, fuck off! Really. What a douche-drip. – So… I have the day… I should get something to eat. Not feeling well. But at least I can, should I want, nap… and put the heater on. – Fuck. – 11.21 STOMPING DOWN AND UP THE STAIRS. BANGING AND STOMPING ON THE PORCH OVER-HEAD. AND THE DOG YELPING! FOLLOWED BY MORE POUNDING ABOUT THE HOUSE UP-STAIRS. – 18.50
*** NEWS *** Just back from the library and the store where I got a tin of Chunky soup, bag of rolls, donuts (for me… meal) and half’n’half for Mimou (hoping to fatten him up a bit) and as I came to the room in hopes of eating something in peace, the cow arrived… WITH HER “SHELLY” who is obviously “from the state”. And so things turn… “interesting”. Let’s see… I wonder where Shelly will be staying… sleeping. And, of course, it’s Friday… so any need to call Tenants’ offices, or Dept. of Aging… I’m expecting to be “told” to forfeit this room. And no… not happening. The police? Not worth the call. So, I’m in the room, door closed. Mme. is putting water on for spaghetti. I’ll be having bread dipped in cold soup. “Shelter meals” again.
MEAN-WHILE… 5225 IS EMPTY. I looked over the fence at the back yard this evening for the first time. The old barn really has shifted. The paving doesn’t cover the septic drain. And I thought: that was my “beginning” in this town, and how sad… all things “Glidden” are stripped off, out and down. Alas. Now… to get all things “me” out of here. – Spent some hours on all the photos for the new ADK blog. Much more work to be done. Had a horrid time. My vision isn’t good again today. But… tomorrow is another day. – Well… a bit of time to eat. The sun has set. Yom Kippur ends, Shabbat begins… and Mme. and Shelly will soon sit to dine. Oh… PS: Shelly is cold in the house… Mme. says she’ll be starting a fire… and the last drop of fire-wood remains in a pile in the back yard. Ah yes… 2 cords are stacked in the garage… thank me very much not at all. – 22.50 Just finishing a couple episodes of *QI* ON THE PHONE* and a thought, as I had a smoke:

Shelly, frail as she is, was introduced, extend her hand a d said “It’s nice to meet you.” Sweet young lady, really. And the she asked Mme. if she had a warmer jacket. She was cold, and wearing a light sweat-shirt. Mme. came from the pantry, asked if she was “that cold”, pulled a fleece from a hook on the wall, almost tossed it at the poor girl and said “We’ll get you something warmer later and start a fire.” AS she went on her business of making her pasta! “Good Catholic woman”, that cow.
Well, time for some reading. Tomorrow, setting-up the library with Twitter. WTF? Why not? Eh? (If they’re not kind, they’ll get a load of what’s due… on soc.med.) –

Sat.30.Sep: YOM KIPPUR 6.49 and 4° this clear morning. We’ve reached the single digits. – Mimou slept in the room here last night, on the little sheet, on the floor, beside the bed. I left the door open just a bit for him during the night because he was here when I put the lights out at about mid-night. – Mme. is stirring. She was in the loo as I wet out for my smoke. – Another day commences. No library, no escape until 14.00 today. And no mowing either. Not here nor at 172. No. I’ll not work today. But at 14.00, I’ll go to build “ADK”. Why? I don’t see finding work from it. But one never knows. But it’s probably better to have it, removed from the politics of Woodhauler… just in case. – 4°… Come the days of frozen car and soon, the frosts. I have to keep in mind that I came here in October… I can leave here in October as well. – Again, today, I “atone”… simply by existing. – Oh… she rolled in at about 21.30, watched a bit of TV, and went to bed at about 22.15 or so. I was reading. – 10.00 and she’s on the road… for the day… some “funeral” and such. Very nice for me. Came to the door all humble “I can’t take Hallie with me…” Oh, fuck off! Really. What a douche-drip. – So… I have the day… I should get something to eat. Not feeling well. But at least I can, should I want, nap… and put the heater on. – Fuck. – 11.21 STOMPING DOWN AND UP THE STAIRS. BANGING AND STOMPING ON THE PORCH OVER-HEAD. AND THE DOG YELPING! FOLLOWED BY MORE POUNDING ABOUT THE HOUSE UP-STAIRS. –
(Not sure about these times here. Once again, the Journal gets skewed and screwed because I’ve been making “Notes” on the phone, transferring them to e-mail and then picking them up off e-mail at the library. But this was all on for today’s date, and the confusion only shows just how hectic the general bull-shit has become.)
9.46 Library… Well, I slept through the 7.00 alarm this morning. Don’t know how but… woke with the 8.00. Had my coffees, loo in a bottle (and right now have to “move”… will do in the local), and soc.med. until. Mme. woke at about 8.30-ish and got to the wood-stove and the slamming against the wall. – Moments ago, I stepped out, to come here. Mimou on the porch, Hallie out in back. Both where SO HAPPY to see me! Hallie bounced all over the place but when it came time to get them both back in… so neither would follow me, Hallie made a fuss so I had to pick Mimou up and get both to the kitchen door (which was, of course, closed). Mme. went right into her whining: “Hallie wouldn’t go out because of the cat and the cat wanted to go out. So you know what? I just put both of them out. The animal kingdom.” What was actually meant was “I don’t want the responsibility of these two.” Yeah? Well… As I was leaving, Shelly appeared in the kitchen. I said nothing. She said nothing. I don’t want to appear “nasty”, but, I’ve truly nothing to say to either of them. And so, on this chilly, Shabbat/Yom Kippur morn, I got the dog and cat back into the house (hopefully to be fed) and came here… to be surrounded by the un-thinking Libs that are this hole. – Now… on with the day. I’ve got until 13.00. I wonder what the day will bring… like, for instance, “Shelly”. I hope, for her sake, she’s not going to become a “ward” of Mme. The thought of the moment: If Shelly is a “live-in”, who is expected to mind her when Mme. goes toddling off to work… OR on her Jesus-selling road trips. (As if I don’t know already.) As ’tis said: Truth, like shit, eventually float to the surface. It’s just a matter of time. – Now… to work here. –
13.49 been at the library all morning. Set them up on Twtr. Saw Mme. as I came in on the porch. She bought 2 huge mums. Mme. “I’ve got no money”. And the lawn’s a mess. Oh well. – Now to see how to pass the remainder of the day. – 18.16 Settled-down for a nap at about 14.30 and… JUST WAKING!!! – I found a “radio app” and slept listening to… GERMAN! AMAZING! WELL! THAT passed those hours away. – And because if the thinness of the wall, I can hear Mme. and her Shelly, chatting in the kitchen. Charming. – I’d like a tea about now. I’d like something to eat too. Tonight, “food” will be 2 rolls and 2 chocolate donuts. That’s what I have. – But the day is passing. Tomorrow? Who knows? There will be mowing at 172 for a few hours, and hopefully it won’t rain. And more FS… though 2$ less than usual. But still enough for something. Sunday… and shorter hours at the store. I’ll have to keep a check. Strange, this. Shabbat was my day of not eating at The Shelter… the world goes round again. – Well… let’s see what we can do to pass the remaining hours. Tonight’s sleep will be interesting as well, since I’ve slept so much already. Maybe I’ll learn how others sleep their depressions away. – 23.26 A few chapters of Herriot and a smoke in the crisp night air. Turning off the day and leaving the little heater on. The fan’s still in the window but I haven’t the interest in removing it tonight. Too much bother… and the noise too. Phone and iPod on the charge. If tomorrow goes well, as tomorrows never do, I’ll be off as soon as the expected frost goes dew and dries. And Mme.’s house-plants are, I see through the kitchen window, off the picnic table and back in the house. Good. They didn’t deserve to freeze to death due to her inconsideration. – “Only child” that one. Spoiled and continuing her delusion of royalty. Incredibly incredulous. Sickening. Add, that in my 6 years here, I’ve actually never met even one person who was even, in the slightest, even remotely concerned with or about anybody nor any thing other than “self”. It’s been a draining education. And that’s why the heater will.remain on through the night. As I thought on the porch just now: at the going rate of 35$ each, she’s still 480$ in my debt and due, for nothing more than lawn-mowing… a new lap-top, that. Attending her pets and watching her house here in her weekly, always extended absence covers the rental on this room. Insidious thing. – No doubt she’s pissed with me of late. But it is as is said: Others think you rude and belligerent when you treat THEM as they treat YOU. – 3° with chill of 1°. There’ll be a “minus” over-night, no doubt. I’ve got to get the Subaru running. –
18.50
*** NEWS *** Just back from the library and the store where I got a tin of Chunky soup, bag of rolls, donuts (for me… meal) and half’n’half for Mimou (hoping to fatten him up a bit) and as I came to the room in hopes of eating something in peace, the cow arrived… WITH HER “SHELLY” who is obviously “from the state”. And so things turn… “interesting”. Let’s see… I wonder where Shelly will be staying… sleeping. And, of course, it’s Friday… so any need to call Tenants’ offices, or Dept. of Aging… I’m expecting to be “told” to forfeit this room. And no… not happening. The police? Not worth the call. So, I’m in the room, door closed. Mme. is putting water on for spaghetti. I’ll be having bread dipped in cold soup. “Shelter meals” again.
MEAN-WHILE… 5225 IS EMPTY. I looked over the fence at the back yard this evening for the first time. The old barn really has shifted. The paving doesn’t cover the septic drain. And I thought: that was my “beginning” in this town, and how sad… all things “Glidden” are stripped off, out and down. Alas. Now… to get all things “me” out of here. – Spent some hours on all the photos for the new ADK blog. Much more work to be done. Had a horrid time. My vision isn’t good again today. But… tomorrow is another day. – Well… a bit of time to eat. The sun has set. Yom Kippur ends, Shabbat begins… and Mme. and Shelly will soon sit to dine. Oh… PS: Shelly is cold in the house… Mme. says she’ll be starting a fire… and the last drop of fire-wood remains in a pile in the back yard. Ah yes… 2 cords are stacked in the garage… thank me very much not at all. – 22.50 Just finishing a couple episodes of *QI* ON THE PHONE* and a thought, as I had a smoke:
Shelly, frail as she is, was introduced, extend her hand a d said “It’s nice to meet you.” Sweet young lady, really. And the she asked Mme. if she had a warmer jacket. She was cold, and wearing a light sweat-shirt. Mme. came from the pantry, asked if she was “that cold”, pulled a fleece from a hook on the wall, almost tossed it at the poor girl and said “We’ll get you something warmer later and start a fire.” AS she went on her business of making her pasta! “Good Catholic woman”, that cow.
Well, time for some reading. Tomorrow, setting-up the library with Twitter. WTF? Why not? Eh? (If they’re not kind, they’ll get a load of what’s due… on soc.med.)