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| YONAH : 08 Feb 2021 |
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THE BLOODY-FUCKING WINDOW ON THE “WEST” SIDE OF THE DOUBLE WAS BLOODY-FUCKING OPEN AT THE TOP!!! IN SPITE OF ALL THE WORK I'D PUT INTO MAKING SURE THAT IT WAS WEATHERISED, INCLUDING DUCT-TAPING IT SHUT ACROSS THE FUCKING TOP AND DOWN THE FUCKING SIDES... THE BLOODY-FUCKING THING HAD OPENED A HEFY 4-5cm!!! FUCK! AND THROUGH THE BITTER SNAP WE JUST HAD! THANKFULLY, I HAD THE RADIATOR IN THAT ROOM OR YONAH WOULD HAVE FROZEN!!! I'M RIP-FUCK-FLAMING PISSED NOW! SO I CUT A PIECE OF WOOD, SHOVED THE WINDOW SHUT AGAIN AND RAMMED THE WOOD IN THERE... AFTER TAKING POOR YONAH'S PLACE DOWN SO I COULD REACH! THAT PISSES ME OFF MOST OF ALL! POOR THING, BEING MOVED ABOUT LIKE THAT! WHAT THE FUCK? Oh well... I suppose I'm getting what I pay for, considering the rents these days. I shouldn't bitch, but... this had better not get worse... I'm going to have to put money into this place now. Well? I suppose... it was bound to happen and, well... I wanted a little place in the Adirondacks... as usual, I got it... and... what goes with.
So that ran into meal... which was left-over chicken, heated in the toaster-oven, with same sort of “Stir-Fry” veggies. Not bad, really. Ice cream after. - I made an animation from a quote from “Out of the Whirlwind”... quite anti-Biden. It posted well to Gab but not to Minds. The shit. And then... early enough on, round about 19.30, started hot waters and “The Lads”... WELL! It's certainly gotten THIS LATE THIS SOON! MUCH later than I'd wanted to be in bed, originally. But, truth is, I've nothing on the agenda for tomorrow and the heaviest snow is expected round about 3.30 tomorrow morning. (Mr. Alvin claims The City got 2ft and we're to expect the snow to continue through to Wednesday.) I might need a pack of smokes, but I'll have to juggle money for that, but it doesn't seem worth the effort since money will be in on Wednesday and I don't think I'll have all that much trouble getting to FamDoll... even in the snow. (Oh... I'll have to shovel tomorrow... I suppose. Good. Exercise. I NEED that... I'm becoming constipated!) - I ought to check the oil tomorrow, as well... HOPEFULLY IT'S NOT LOWER THAN HALF A TANK... AND IF SO, NOT BY MUCH! They won't come to deliver in a “storm”... Thankfully there's the radiators... one for each of our rooms. The rest of the place can get stuffed at this point... plumbing or no. The electric's paid... for this month any-way. - Well then. Time for a last smoke and to bed. Must be up to open the curtains for Yonah in the morning... and after that, I damned-well COULD just go right back to bed... should I feel so. Things will probably be quite slow and quiet tomorrow... hopefully. - Another day... gone by.
Tue.02.Feb: 10.10 Up and out of bed at about 7.47... UP AND OUT THE DOOR WITH SHOVEL AT ABOUT 8.15 AND JUST NOW... BACK IN... SHOVELLED THE BACK WALK, A PATH ALONG THE DRIVE TO THE TRUCK, CLEANED THE TRUCK OFF AS IT RAN AND WARMED NICELY. CLEARED ROUND THE TRUCK AND JUST TO THE “PLOUGH-LINE” AT THE END WHERE I BROUGHT THE MOUND DOWN JUST LOW ENOUGH TO CLEAR THE TRUCK. 4-WHEELED THROUGH THE MOUND FOR 2 TYRE-WIDTHS AND THAT WAS THAT! AH... AS I WAS CLEARING ROUND THE TRUCK, “BOOBOOBOI” COMES OUT TO TELL THAT HE'S PARKED AT “GRANDFADDER'S” BUT HE'S GOING DOWN THERE LATER TO GET THE PLOUGH SO I SHOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT THE REST OF THE DRIVE. “JUST CLEAR WHAT YOU NEED AND I'LL PLOUOGH THE REST.” YEAH? HAHAHAHAH... DOOD... THAT'S ALL I PLANNED TO DO. FUCK THE REST OF ALL Y'ALL. (AND WHEN I CLEARED THE LITTLE WALK-WAY FOR ME FROM DOOR TO TRUCK, I MADE CERTAIN TO TOSS THE SNOW INTO THE DRIVE TO “DISCOURAGE” THE FREE-WAY USE. AND AS I WAS AT THE TRUCK, Mr. ALVIN CAME ALONG TO CLEAR IN FRONT OF THE PEE-OH. OF COURSE, THERE'S A CHARMING LITTLE PATH-WAY TO THE STEPS... BUT NOT “MINE”. THE DELINEATIONS HAVE BEEN CLEARLY ESTABLISHED... FUKKEMALL.) AND... I CLEARED THE WAY TO THE CELLAR DOOR AND A PATH TO THE OIL-FILL... AND AS I DID, THE “TOWN-CLOWN” CAME BY... OLD GUY IN THE PLOUGH. HE ACTUALLY STOPPED THE ENGINE AND CALLED “AM I PLOUGHING TOO CLOSE THERE?” I TOLD HIM THAT AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, HE COULD PLOUGH-THROUGH ONCE BECAUSE IF HE GETS TOO CLOSE, I'LL BE SERVING COFFEE IN THE LIVING-ROOM. SAYS HE “THE HIGHER THE SNOW, THE DUMBER THEY GET.” INDEED! IT WAS GOOD TO CHAT WITH HIM. DID MY MOOD A LOT OF GOOD, TO BE SURE. ***** ***** AND I CHECKED THE OIL. ***** ***** AS I'D NOTED FOR TODAY... ***** ***** HALF A TANK. ***** ***** SO, TOMORROW, I'LL PAY THE GAS AND TAKE THE SHIT THAT COMES WITH ASKING ABOUT OIL. FUCK ME! I HOPE IT ISN'T UP TO 3$/GALLON YET! (I'll have to ask BonzoBoi if he's ordered of late... OH HOW I DREAD THAT! BUT IT WILL BE WHAT IT IS. MEANWHILE... WE DIDN'T GET EVEN *CLOSE* TO WHAT WAS THREATENED AND EXPECTED. IF WE GOT 30cm IT'S A YUGE DEAL. AND IT'S DRY! THE SHOVELLING WASN'T ALL THAT BAD AT ALL. THE BACK WALK IS CLEARED. THE LITTLE BIRDIES OUT THERE HAVE THEIR “BREAKFAST”. I PUT A BIT MORE IN THE FEEDER. THE TEMPERATURE IS DELIGHTFUL. MORE SNOW EXPECTED BUT IT STOPPED AS I WORKED. SKIES ARE GREY. YONAH'S FULL-SPECTRUM IS ON. SHE'S A BIT “QUIET” THIS MORNING, THOUGH I DID GET A “HOO” WHEN I CAME IN FROM SHOVELLING. AND NOW... RADIO “l'Estrie” ON, COLD MORNING'S COFFEE AT HAND (I WENT OUT RIGHT AFTER “VITS.”) AND THE MORNING IS ALL BUT GONE! FEBRUARY... IN THE ADIRONDACKS. IT'S WHAT I'VE DONE TODAY TO MAKE ME FEEL PROUD! - Now I need to clean the fridge! It STINKS in there and I don't know why! (And to think... I figured I'd pass the day with “images”. HAH! Hey... at least I got my exercise... good for the lungs, heart, circulation... closer to killing me off. - 12.57 AND... FROM 10.30-ISH UNTIL 12.30-ISH... THE FRIDGE GOT PULLED APART AND WASHED!!! WHAT A FUCKING PAIN! THE KITCHEN BASINS AREN'T LARGE ENOUGH FOR THE SHELVES. THE LARGEST ONE HAD TO BE RINSED IN THE SHOWER (which necessitated a quick mopping just now)! AND THEN... I WENT OUT TO THE FRONT TO “CLEAR” A BIT OF THE STOOP (for no particularly good reason) AS JOHN CAME BY TO PLOUGH (again) AND THE FELLOW FROM UP THE ROAD WHO'S WORKING ON THE “REINERS' PLACE” BROUGHT HIS TRUCK TO PARK IN THE PO LOT AND WE CHATTED BRIEFLY. MEANWHILE, JOHN PLOUGHED THE FULL DRIVE (kitchen side only, of course) AND IN THE SNOW THAT'S FALLING AGAIN I SEE THAT SOMEBODY DID PLOUGH THE BACK AND MY PATHS ARE NOW NON-EXISTENT! * CAN'T FIX STUPID * INDEED. - Now, my back is stiff and it's time for tea-vits. WHAT a DAY THIS has been! And I was thinking it would be a “nothing sort of day”. HAH! FUCK ME! - 16.50 Another 45 minutes of shovelling... and it was as if I hadn't done any before... and there's just the slightest of “flocons” “floconing” about. And AFTER I'd done the front AND the back... John came through and ploughed! YEP! PLOUGHED RIGHT ACROSS THE FRONT STOOP AGAIN! Not bad enough I don't want the back drive done. Nobody but the pee-oh uses is these days. Fuck... and fuck me. - Anyway... hot shower and early to bed tonight. 3 smokes left in the house. Though, there's only just about just enough for a pack in the VT account tonight... I'll ponder... - Meanwhile, I NEED MORE CHICKEN TOO! I put 2 breasts in this evening (at 15.00) which can be 4 meals but there's only 2 breasts left in the freezer! (2 pizzas too, so there's no “starving” to fear.) And I'm willing to “bet the house” that there won't be but fukkall on the shelves at the market tomorrow... these dolts probably went “panic shopping” today, with the snow. Alas... The world... “Hopeless”. - 20.56 3 episodes of “Lads” and 2 hot waters with vits and Naproxen and I've had enough. Time to get to the shower and bed. 1,5 smokes for morning. Hopefully, no snow then. - Yonah's been odd tonight... I put the light out at 19.00 and she was up, in the dark, coo'ing. But when I went in to see her, she pecked at my hand (as she does any-way... still un-trusting). It just bothers me that she coo's at night. Poor sweet thing. - Well... the day is done. I'm off to the shower now. Tired. And hoping to sleep through the night. Bills tomorrow, and a run to town. Such is “life” as, it were. - 21.00 FUCKING BANGING NEXT DOOR! FUCK! DOESN'T DO SHIT ALL FUCKING DAY AND NOW? FUCK!
Wed.03.Feb: 8.35 Well... Internet paid. Loan payment for February is transferred. G's Domain is re-newed for another year. “Forecasting” on the accounts is as dreary as the grey, morning sky. Thankfully, there's about 20/wk. remaining (at present, any-way... I haven't called for oil yet...). BUT... the little ones out-side have been at their “breakfast”... INCLUDING 3 MOURNING DOVES, ONE OF WHOM IS TERRITORIAL AND QUITE AGGRESSIVE! A MALE, I SUSPECT, BECAUSE OF SIZE. But I'd put out about 6 full carrots that were boiled yesterday, and they “vanished” quite quickly (I didn't get to see who/how/when...). There's grated/dried carrot in with this morning's seeds as well, but that doesn't seem to be going all too quickly. And now, I'm just about to finish morning coffee, having started the “bill-paying” process du jour and then I'm off, into town, for smokes and some groceries and a return to here... for the duration of the day because, well, that's all there is to be done “out there”, there's no money for much else “in here”, travel isn't well-advised today after yesterday's snow AND... LAST NIGHT, lights were out by 22.30 and before 23.00 I WAS UP AND TRYING TO WALK-OFF A TOTAL-LENGTH LEG CONTRACTION RIGHT DOWN THE RIGHT LEG! Shower went so well. Got into bed and comfy for reading for a few pages. Lights out. Rolled-over and ZING-BLAM-SHIT! SO... I didn't actually get to sleep until after mid-night... heard the alarms this morning and disregarded both. Got up at about 7.30/45-ish. And, well... Not sure why, but it's been a “removed” sort of morning... I'm tired but not, anxious but not, awake but not, dazed but not, but thankfully not in PAIN... yet. So? So... there we have it. Now, off to the errands. Need to clean the snow off the truck... again! (And one smoke remains...) - 11.20 DOUBLE-whammy, negative/positive... OK. So I'm back from the run into town... Left at about 10.00, cleaned the snow off the truck and off to FamDoll for smokes and “Scrubbing Bubbles” because the shower curtain NEEDED cleaning! (It's “soaking” as I type.) Next... Market... I'D PUT THE WRONG RECEIPT IN WITH THE FOOD CARD! 30$ LESS! FUCK ME! The gal had to void ice cream, molasses, and a bag of veggies! But I DID get more chicken, some veggies, sugar, rice. “Essentials”. Still, it was a bit on the “upsetting” side and now there's 1,98 left for food for the next 6 days. Oh well... - THEN... the GRAND NEWS: Bills are PAID this morning! AND, when I asked about oil... it's only 2,59/gal. I'd figured 2,79! AND THE GAL AT AVERY SAID THAT I HAD MORE THAN ENOUGH FOR ANOTHER 100 GALLONS AND THAT'LL BE DELIVERED TOMORROW! (I don't know HOW she figures I have enough for 100 gallons, and I expect to be SLAMMED when I get the bill tomorrow. But, we shall see... tomorrow. Still, the timing is great and I'm appreciative for now.) - The next worst kick to the head: NYSEG. I have NO idea how much that will be. I've “budgeted 200” but I'm almost CERTAIN it's going to be A HELL-OF-A-LOT MORE. We shall see how THAT works out... when it does. But for now... there's food and smokes and coffee in the house... AND HEAT! AND THE TRUCK IS RUNNING THIS YEAR, AND NICELY TOO. (OH... Stewart's gas... UP ANOTHER 10¢/GALLON THIS WEEK! WE'RE IN FOR ANOTHER HELLISH 4 YEARS... If I even live that long.) - And so... Denis will be 71 on Saturday. I'm still pondering sending a card... just to say “I remember”. Pondering... what-ever. - Now I need to go out and re-shovel the way to the oil-fill. Good thing I started yesterday. (It's ever-so-lightly “floconing” again, but at least the “minus” temperature is only “1” and NOT double-digit. I'll have to do the work with care today... after last night's bull-shit with the leg.) - I'm tired today... VERY... and feeling just a tad “removed”. Light-headed. But nothing to set terror into the soul. - And Yonah is listening to her “Baroque/Classical” list and seems to be enjoying. I opened her curtains WIDE this morning, at about 7.00. Bless her. My heart, soul, love and literally... life. - 12.34 OK! SO! The oil-access is REALLY cleared now! I even hacked the ice under the snow! Easy-easy-EASY access tomorrow (provided the snow on the roof doesn't come crashing down). And the entrance to the cellar is cleared again. And SOMEBODY (Darlene?) cleared the front step this morning. I must have been at market? Oh well... How kind. (I've really so very little “gratitude” left any longer.) - The house is so warm now, after all that work. But... the shower curtain is cleaner. And now 'tis time for a little “lench” (which I find I pronounce as Oma used to and not sure why... perhaps it's my turn to “slip back”?) - 22.27 Well... Finished “The Lads”. Only 2 seasons. And now... re-starting “Coupling” and... wasted the day OTHER THAN THE SHOVELLING... *RE*-SHOVELLING THE FUCKING CELLAR SHED *AND* CHOPPING THE ICE ONLY TO HAVE THE FUCKING OLD TOWN-CLOWN FUCK COME BY AND FUCKING PLOUGH BOTH BACK IN!!!! CHANCES ARE, I'LL BE BACK OUT THERE IN THE MORNING RE-RE-RE-BLOODY-FUCKING CLEARING!!! (No, I didn't go back out immediately) - Other than that, I NAPPED... SNOOZED... TWICE. Until meal time. Then, had meal, watched the news, got pissed-off (as usual) and went right into “videos”... 6 hours of “watching”. And now, have had my hot waters and “pills” and... last smoke. - 1° tomorrow and Friday! Then, back to “Winter” for a while. - Yonah's been snoozed from since about 19.30. I find she's better when I close the door after the light goes out. Maybe it's the darkness. Strange, but she doesn't mind when her full-spectrum light is on and my face is close to her. She stares at me, calmly. But she doesn't like “hands”. She trusts the face, but not the hands. Precious little Life. - Well, I should get to bed now. No particular reason other than being up at 7.00 to open curtains. (My existence is going to be completely empty with-out Yonah.) - Denis' birthday is Saturday. Still toying with sending a card... to show I remember. “Toying”. I don't know why I should bother. - Enough... Time to wrap the day!
Thu.04.Feb: 6.01 I woke, of my own, out of a “repressively repressed” dream (as Bibsie used to call them), wide awake, feeling perfectly well-rested and uncomfortable in the bed. So? So... Up I got, coffee on, and dressed, got the birds' breakfast together, have had first coffee and vits.-with, as it were, and am in from a halfie on the front porch where it's still quite dark-in-day. And, the “Orvis fleece” is in the basin, on the soak. WHY? I do mean... “WHY?”. I was still up and about at mid-night, after having read a few pages and lights-out by about 23.30. Another right leg horror for a few moments that required walking about for a few moments, and the un-easy return to bed, worrying about more pain... which didn't happen. If I managed 5 hours' “sleep”, it's quite the feat. And now, I'm feeling “other-wise” quite well, but a bit “light in the head, heavy in the chest” and there's this pre-occupation with having a coronary (event?). I feel “too good” and yet, simultaneously, “too bad”. Oh well... As I thought, moments ago, this isn't really “new”, “unique”, the “first time feeling so”. So? So.... - That dream though. As I woke I was fully aware of the “repression” in it. Not sure where it took place. In some “city” or another, on a street that almost resembled a more-residential “S. Johnston”. A little “after-hours” party in some guys' flat. EXTREMELY sexual and I was EXTREMELY “interested” in the host and “the flat-mate”. The host was EXTREMELY “seductive”, to the point of showing me some “net-like” under-wear that I was interested in for more reasons that one. But, as in reality, so too, in the dream, I was hesitant, insecure, the feelings of “inferiority”, “doubt”, “too old”, “too plain”... the very same as has always been “me”. Oh yes, I was ready, willing and could have been able, but no... not me! Well, JUST at the very MOMENT WHEN, “things” were being “exposed”, and the “seduction” was at its peak... I was sitting at a little table, off in a corner, people milling and mulling and moving about. 4 “midgets”, “ORTHODOX” (or in some sort of costume of the kind) walked by. One of them was a blond! That one turned to the others and said “Oh my god! LOOK AT THAT ONE! WHY CAN'T I BE WITH THAT OR SOME-ONE EXACTLY LIKE THAT?” referring to me, and I thought “Why is it that I still attract that type? The odd-out, the 'strange', the 'off'?” aaaaaannnnnnddddd....SNAP... the party was over, I was out-side, across the empty street, chatting with a fellow that had been at the very party who was talking about the “who, what, where, when, how” of the evening's “conquests” and implying that the one I was interested in was more-than-likely interested in me and, of course, of “DUE” course, I filled with absolute doubt, looking across the street at the lights in the windows of the several flats. “The parties are all over, again, for another week-end.” said the other. “Every-body's gone their way. Look at that, it's all settling back to the nice, cozy little 'home-life'.” I sat, wondering if I dared to go back to the flat, because of the “mutual interest”, but, my companion there, made it clear, in the most polite and proper manner, that “the parties are all over” and that, to go to the door, to go “back” would be inappropriate and seemingly desperate. And I woke... and that was that. But as I say, although I woke, well-rested, un-easy in the bed, up and about, ready to take-on the day... that bull-shit-fuckerie that has been my life-time of insecurities and inferiorities just grabbed hold and put my “mood” into a touch of anger. Oh well... there we are, here we are, coffee at hand, a morning's lavage in the basin on the soak and me... here... for all it's worth. - As for the rest of the day? Probably, as I said last night, more shovelling... and... what-ever happens. - There's an oil delivery due today. There's another bit of a “saga”. That driver always used to seem “interested” but I'm not sure: VT or NY? And if VT, I still have those horrid “standards” and a repulsion... no matter what. But all recent deliveries have been on the “sneak”, with bill left rolled and stuffed in the handle of the screen door. I don't know... I'm not going to give it credence or import. - I'm off to the loo now... and the day will be... probably a lot of napping, making no difference. - 7.20 The fleece is on the rack in the shower. “Breakfast” is “served” on the back walk (though nobody's there as yet). And Yonah called, just moments ago, from behind her door, and her curtains are open to the grey day. - The was one other, either a separate dream or part of the whole, though I'm not really certain, that I recall: A woman with whom I'd worked, (Verna Dawkins?) was at a gathering of some people that I was attending. The majority of the people in attendance didn't know me, and those who did, knew be by some other name. But this woman knew me from else-where, in other circumstances. I tried to avoid her, because I didn't want to be associated with the “other persona”, but at one point, as I was chatting with 2 or 3 others, she came round and started to chat with me. She knew me as “Kevin” or “Ken” some-how, and she asked “Why do you do that? Change your name all the time. What are you trying to get away from?” I didn't answer or reply, but, instead, made a dash into the crowd and off to the other side of the room, away from her, almost terrified that she'd mention the name switch to somebody else and I didn't want that to happen, but there was no way to stop it. I felt trapped and then... as I say, it was either part of the previously mentioned dream or a completely different dream... - Anyway, that said, I'm getting tired. Luciano Pavarotti is singing “Panis Angelicus” to Yonah and the place is other-wise still. I'm going to check the banques and it looks like I'll be heading for a snooze. Well, at least I got my little washing done. (And some idiot it at the blue box at the pee-oh already. Clank, clank, first thing in the morning. Oh... “a little place in the Adirondacks”. I DID have a particular, specific type in mind, but... as it is with “Life”... there are prices to be paid. - And Yonah is coo'ing... How I WISH the weather would be so that she could be out there and out of the harm of frost-bite or freezing to death in the night... or, that I could KNOW, for certain, that she'd find a flock that would care for her. - 7.41 LOAN PAID! Bills covered. Now to wait for the oil... and see that it's NOT covered by HEAP. But I'll give that attention when the moment arrives. - Now for a snooze. My “WORK” is done. - 11.36 Avery came... at about 9.30-ish... 102,5gals at a cost of 265,48$ and it brought the tank up to just above 3/4 but not quite full. All I can do is hope it brings me through March. I'm not counting on it but... - I did grab an hour of “half-doze” round about when the delivery arrived. - And now, I've “swept” Yonah's house... and she “coo'ed” her short coo all the while. But the sun in POURING in through the window, her Baroque is playing and I'm hoping she's well. She looks so TINY lately. She's eating well, and pooping well. I've seen her drinking water. I don't know... - Just in from the “no post” and had a smoke on the front porch. The thermo out there reads about 44F and the snow is melting at a rate where-by there's actually running water going across the front and down the Hill. I can't help but think: Spring is “Death Season”... with Yonah looking meagre and me and my general state of the state I wonder... Me? She? We? Well, if it's to be, there's nothing that will stop it. And so it shall be. - Spent more time this morning, researching G's. It appears that the place is owned by a song-writer and his author wife. She's written several poetry books and one entitled “Ghosts of the Warwick Valley”. I have to wonder... but the book is between 15-60$... for a paper-back! Even at Abe's! If I knew there's mention of G's, I'd get a copy. But I can't find an excerpt. Still, IF I'm still around come the nicer weather, and can possibly make the trip, I might just contact Mrs. and see if I can't go get some actual history of the place... come the nicer weather. (Once upon a time, I'd take today, with the sun-shine and clear roads, and make the trip. My, how my life has changed... ) - For the now-time, 4 eggs on the boil. I'm “uneasy” about the oil delivery. I can't figure how they figured I had that much on the account. Thankfully, I've budgeted 300$ out between oil and electric. We'll see how it all works out... in the long run. To think I could have let the electric go these days. Oh well... Can't depend on government... except to bust in through the door and off to the “trains”. One of these days... I've no doubt. - Moving along... almost tea time. And I'm on the 11grams of C this month. We'll see what THAT does to this old body. It's been a “moving” sort of morning, this. That's a relief! But we'll see if the old body will tolerate the extra gram of C... if not... back to 10. No prob. One of these days, I'll go back to the 2grams/day and then....? - 15.48 And another snooze... form which I wake even MORE fatigued and heavy in the chest. I wonder: the vits? The acid? What-ever it is, I'm exhausted, and I've done relatively nothing with this entire day. And now, the sun is setting across the road, the “day” is turning to evening and... well... that's that for that, I do suppose. - 21.49 Smoke and SHOWER! (2 episodes of “Coupling”. I'd forgotten how funny that show actually was!)
Fri.05.Feb: 7.52 because I didn't bother to get out of bed, ever-so reluctantly, until after 7.00, to a slightly chilled house (and as I noticed, the furnace kicked, thankfully), and grey skies. Yes, supposed to be 1° today... but with averses, and flocons... which have, as I was just on the back porch for a smoke and to put breakfast out for the little ones, come down from the mounts. I'd showered last night, a good, hot shower, and was feeling so comfy this morning, in the bed. Oh well... Last night, a trip to the loo at 3.00 and a massive ROCK in the gut! Yes, I'd swear it's the vits. They're probably tearing my stomach apart. A hefty belch settled that (but there's another one in there this morning). Then, again, at 5.00, a loo-trip. And I felt rather well-rested then, but went back to bed and right back to sleep. Woke with sinus and sneezes this morning. But nothing horrific. And got right to the business of morning routine. So here I am, dressed and such. Yonah's curtains are open, Baroque playing, all the little birdies have breakfast, I have my coffee and... in a bit, it's off to the store... smokes, perhaps the hard-ware for the PO sign today. No groceries. There's under 2$ on the card and I really don't “need” any-thing in the house for the week-end. But the truck could use the run and smokes are always a “needed item”. So that's that. - And this lap-top journal is 14 pages... the last of January included. I need to get images sorted and this onto the servers. - And I have to check the banque before any further plotting and planning. Oh, how I'll put importance on shit of a morn. - And no, no card to Denis. I just don't give a shit any longer. Besides, I can't help but think that maybe I'm his “Liz”... the one who just won't relent, won't “go away”. Best to leave it all as it is. Whether I “remember” or not makes no difference. So? So... there we have it... another day. “Faced with another day.” One of these will be “it”... one of them... one day. - Oh, ran a scan last night too.”Out of date” but a clean report this morning. Tah dah. (Cleaned-out Twat last night. Changed the “profile” to all “Gab”. Told Gina on the “messenger”. That's the end of that.) - Time to move along... - 14.50 Cleared a path to the truck. Cleared the truck. The roads were clear so into town we rolled. Aubuchons for the “eye bolts” for the pee-oh sign (with no price attached so the... charged me 42¢each. OK. Not bad. But I could have walked with them), and a small bag of bird seed for the flocks (because I didn't want to run a card for the bolts alone). Then to FamDoll for smokes, Lysol and javel and a chat with Casey about being “blocked” after UVM Hosp. in BTV screwed her colonoscopy. Alas. AND she tells that the local abattoir sent the paper-work over and failed to inform that Casey's diabetic. So... I got my opportunity to state, clearly, in front of “customers”, how much I DETEST that slaughter-house and that I'd sooner drive to St-Albans if in need of medical. (At least I got to voice my opinion... hopefully it'll make it's way back to the cause.) - ANYWAY... PLUS 3 DEGREES AND SUN OUT THERE! CHARMING! But tonight... the temperatures drop again. Oh well... it was fun whilst it lasted. - And now... I've pissed away another day and had an hour's snooze this morning and want another! - Noting: When I got back in, I, of course, went directly to Yonah who paced as she does. Chatted and went about putting sand on the back stoop and such and noticed... she ATE! It's almost as if she DOES notice when I'm not here and she IS happy when I'm here. As if! WHAT A PRECIOUS GIFT OF LOVE!!! I can only HOPE, with full-heart, that I'm doing the best for her these months we're together AND that she'll take flight back to a wonderful, appreciative flock... soon, and have little ones and live a full and wonderful life. (And if there's a “reincarnation”, I wouldn't mind “coming back” as a mourning dove... Maybe I'll meet Yonah's descendants.) - The sun's pouring in through the living-room curtains and another day gets that “end-of-day golden glow. “Meal” prep soon. Left-overs, of course, but no complaints. It's most certainly better than having NOTHING... and I've had quite a lot of THAT over the course of my life-time. - 18.26 WE'RE HAVING QUITE THE EVENING, THIS. STARTED WITH THE USUAL “BANG” ARRIVAL NEXT DOOR WHICH THEN MOVED ON TO THE USUAL BUT EVEN MORE NOTICEABLE VIBRATIONS OF WALLS, FLOOR AND KITCHEN TABLE FROM THE WASHER. SHIT-BRAT DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO LOAD A FUCKING WASHER! I ACTUALLY SAW THE POWDER ON THE LOO SINK MOVE! THEN, I HAD TO USE THE PLUNGER ON THE SINK TO STOP THE BACK-WASH. AND EATING? WELL... THE TABLE VIBRATING, THE CHAIR VIBRATING... AND JUST A MOMENT AGO, SOME-THING WENT CRASHING OVER THERE. I THOUGHT, AT FIRST, IT WAS SNOW FROM THE ROOF, BUT NOW I HEAR THE HOOVERING GOING ON SO SOME-THING TOOK A SPILL. GEE... I WONDER... IT MENTIONED LEAVING, TO MOVE IN WITH THE “GIRL-FRIEND”... COME MARCH. WELL? IT'S FEBRUARY. AND SURELY TIME TO GET MORE OIL FOR THE FURNACE. IT SAID IT WASN'T GOING TO LEAVE A FULL TANK BEHIND, BUT “GRANFADDER” SAID TO LEAVE HALF. SURELY, IT'S “HALF-TANKED” BY NOW. Personally, I don't care if it moves out. And I'll pull the “early rent” if I must, when a “new one” comes along. AND, the “age factor”. I'm sick of this. And a check on availabilities else-where? Sure, there's “Senior Housing” in Rouses Point. But it's restricting in those places, especially with smoking. So? Honestly, were it not for Yonah being here, this place would be “ROCKING AND I'D BE SMOKING” at my convenience. What a fuck. But... “a little place in the Adirondacks”... - That off the chest, “meal” was, of course, completely done, including washing-up by 18.00 and I'm tired now. But there's the “nightly vits.” that can't really be taken before 19.30. So, here I am. I might shower again, put a bit of “Lysol” on the shower curtain. It's not returning to “clear”. That “Scrubbing Bubbles” didn't work well. And I even wiped with a terry in last night's shower. Alas. Oh well... It IS almost 2 years old. I suppose. - Just “ill at ease” tonight, I believe. No reason for it. It just “is”. - Oh... and it's snowing again. Lightly, but snowing. I want WARM WEATHER! I want Yonah to be FREE again! Poor Sweet Heart. When I heard the “crash” next door, I went in to see her. She heard it and it disturbed her. She should have PEACE, especially at night. Yes... ill at ease tonight. - 21.54 Several episodes of “Coupling”, 3 hot waters... and Shitzo came rolling in about 30 minutes ago and yes... MORE BLOODY THUMPING!!! Isn't it fortunate that I'm not the type to get on the phone in the middle of the night, or the kind that POUNDS on the door to bitch? No, it's neither because it would be better, to be sure, if I did either one or the other or both. Well... “Fate” often steps in and opens opportunities... let's see where this one appears... meanwhile... THE FUCKING HOUSE IS ROCKING!!! I'll have to see about a “happenstance” meeting with “Granfadder” or a “mention” to the “neighbours”... about “relocating”. - For now... last smoke and a quick shower... POOR YONAH... PUTTING UP WITH THIS UN-NECESSARY BULL-SHIT... AT THIS BLOODY HOUR OF A NIGHT! FUCKING FILTH!
Sat.06.Feb: 8.05 Happy 71st Denis, dear. No, I didn't and won't send a card. Nor will I make a call. I've given the “wishes” here. - And so, another reluctant rise with the 7.00 alarm, although I'd been awake at 5.00 and thought the better of it. One loo trip during the night, after lights out at about 23.00 which was after a nice, quick shower. Thankfully, the fuckerie of the idiot next-door seems to have ceased through the night. Still, remembering it pisses me off this morning. But I'm listening to some “Cigarettes After Sex” that I transferred to the ATT phone, Yonah has been coo'ing to a little combo of Baroque and Mourning Doves selections. I'm dressed, been out for morning smoke in the “crisp” morning after the Town Clown passed to do what-ever it is that they do when there's really no snow on the road that requires any attention... Coffee at hand. Vits-and (Naproxen) taken. Feeling? A touch shitty but nothing out of the ordinary. And another day commences... I plan on getting to the IMAGES again today... I “plan”... OH... how I “plan”. Oh, and the out-side flocks... I literally tossed 500g on the back walk this morning because I was up late and they were already digging trough the light snow back there. So.. Breakfast has been served, coffee served, curtains are open, I'm dressed. I'd say that covers it well... AND this is page 15 on the lap-top... the last of January and the beginning of February... a new year and already fucking about here. It's not as if I've SO much to “do” in a day... I'm just fucking lazy... as my inability to properly close my jeans due to a “gut” will attest. So... moving along... or - 22.37 The furnace just stopped. The house is comfy-warm. Several episodes of “Coupling” and Yonah's been “nigh-night” since 19.30 and the house has been “settled” for a charming change (may it last). (I wonder what that crash was last night... Bimboi was in all day... Packing? What-ever.) - Meal wasn't much tonight. Half chicken, a bit of “Italian Mix” veg. Ice cream and... that was about it. Had a peanut-butter and choco.syrup sammich after as well and a bit of ice cream a little while ago. But I just don't want to put vits-and into a “void”, as it were. - Truth is, I'm feeling rather “positive” about all of this. Feeling “better”. I wonder: could this possibly make any real difference in the lungs? I was thinking it's rather like “chemo”... kills as it cures... makes one sick and tired... and I'm that, alright. - Anyway, another day is done... another Saturday passed. And the weather is going back to bitter. No -20s but cold... and damp. - Well? Time to toddle to the blankies and a book. - It really is a delight to know Yonah's here. I keep hoping she some-how understands why I keep her in . - Oh... I managed to clear that “work-table” off today... big accomplishment. Tomorrow, I ought to finish the painting on the PO sign. Then there are water-colours to put into the jars I bought... and other little “hobbies” I just never get to... INCLUDING THE IMAGES! - Oh... and... “Happy Birthday”... Denis. Imagine? I keep you in mind... though, thankfully, the “Love” no longer causes any-thing. I'm still learning “how to be like you”. - Funny... Liz, the old man, Denis... February... Fuck.
Sun.07.Feb: 8.59 (I was going to simply enter “9.00” but, if anybody ever sees this, 8.59 will smack of “OCD”... “LOL”... ATS-AsTheySay). Anyway, had it not been for the need of “loo run”, I'd've stayed in bed until 7.30. But, “Nature” didn't “call”, she “SCREAMED” and so, at about 6.53 I was up and about and rolling with the morning. Thus far, I've managed to dress, almost finish coffee, washed the whites and the heavy flannel, yellow shirt. I've disposed of dozens of those HORRID “cookies” that taste so strongly of old baking soda that they're practically “chemical”. Some down the toilet, others, I put into a large bowl of hot tap water and watched as they almost immediately disintegrated into nothing but liquid and... down the drain they went. I wonder what the septic bacteria will think when that arrives. Not, mind, that I give a shit, since “next door” is clueless and if the septic needs “cleaning”, well... it won't be from MY washing, to be sure. I can't “care” any longer, really. The foundation is slipping. The stove doesn't work. The windows have shifted. There's painting to be done that was mentioned when I moved-in... almost 2 years ago. And this nonsense about worrying about dying from a “flu” has worn to the point where it's almost non-existent any longer. So? So. Besides, in my state of “being”, by the time any of all of this matters, I, at least, will be ash and a fading memory. (Hey... I don't hear of any “rememb'rances” of Joan and that was only a year ago... Such is life.) - And so, through the night I slept, for most of 7 hours and a little then-some. Happy to note that. Woke with the usual “heaviness of chest”. But the fact of the matter is, the pain is centred in the chest, behind the sternum, so I'm thinking it's mostly a matter of the vits. Could be the acid of the C or the hardness of the tablets. Combination of both? Yes. No. Possibly. What-ever. At least I'm coughing less frequently and coughing-up less clots. Last night I thought: 10gm for a month... then 11gm for February. 10gm in March. Perhaps 8gm April. 6gm May. But June I'll be back to the old 2gm/day and we'll see what happens there-after. It would be “fun” to be able to get another x-ray after, and then demand to SEE the old ones, for comparison, but that would mean a trip to “North West”, St-Albans, VT... GODS FORBID! I'll be DAMNED if I'll step foot into the local abattoir again. No sense in voluntarily subjecting one's self to the ridicule and disrespect. So? I'll just “judge” based on how I feel in general. - In other news, I have to get to Westport tomorrow... send off another 5$ to Radiology. I MUST produce another letter to the abattoir with another fiver for tomorrow. Why? Not sure, but IF I decide so to do, I MIGHT send them HALF of the balance, or figure less the 180 that would be my “Medicaid Deductible” and pay on that. What-ever. We shall see. But I want to thwart their conniving bull-shit before they start attacking my rent! I'm just not in the mood to be “civil” and not interested in marching into the office, having to hear about “masks over mouth and nose” and all the rest of the bull-shit. Ah... “old”. The more I think back on my own life-time. (As, for example, just this morning, the flat on 232nd St... the late night trip to Newburgh to ask for a “quick loan” of 145$ from Gene who casually reached into his pocket, pulled out his wallet, sorted through a wad of cash and casually tossed at 20 onto the coffee table and said, condescendingly “If there's ever anything you need, just let me know.” I'd been sleeping on the Cross-Westchester in the VW for almost a week, and going to work, AND, though I still can't recall HOW, had CRABS! And honestly, I DON'T KNOW HOW I'D GOTTEN THEM! I just remember “discovering” them on my wrist as I worked at Boerginger... Elmsford, one day. Yes... “If you ever need, just let me know.” Even HE was with “THEM” on the “destroy the little shit”.) No... although I HAVE lived quite the “Big City Life” of culture, fun, education, debauchery... I WORKED for those moments of irresponsibility and reverie. And the “fun” was surely, purely out-weighed by the efforts put into it. But here I am, this morning, having done my immediate washing, watching the birds and squirrels having their breakfast, Yonah scratching about in her “home” listening to the recordings of “her folk” and Baroque. It's another cold, damp day, grey, but there's oil in the furnace, food in the larder (oh... those days of stashing “food” in a cardboard box on the back porch... VT), clothes on my back and, thus far, peace in “the little place in the Adirondacks”. I suppose THIS is what it was all leading to. BFD? Well, yes, I might suppose it IS. - For the day, there's the “PO” sign, a little desk calendar, the letters... and some house-keeping for Yonah which I'll do later in the day... give her a rest this morning. Other than that... I can't give a shit about “other than that”... and I might even piss-away an hour... on the futon... soon. I'm a little weary at the moment and there's nothing “pressing”. I'm NOT going any-where today... no need. - And so... another day ahead. Tah-the-fucking-bloody-dah. - (9.25 Bloody HELL! I no sooner got that all down when... “Thud, thump, rumble”... SHIT! The fuktard is stomping about. Alas! I shall endeavour to make my displeasure obvious... and hope that the opportunity to present presents... in short order. Between the qunts in the pee-oh and this one in the rear rooms... Peace? It accidentally managed to make its way into the house... to be attacked, brutally, by filth. The day becomes... “routine... normal... fucked”.) - 22.41 Several episodes of “Coupling” (I really did forget how I enjoyed it... back then). The furnace is running. I had it set at 70F for a while, because of the “chill” that comes up through the floor. But back down to 66F and it' running. Earlier, stepped out for a smoke and the WIND is blowing even the old snow, under the little bit we had earlier! It's -8/-10 now, dropping to -16 tonight but -8 is tomorrow's “high”. Well... I can't complain. Earlier, the temperature in Saskatoon was, well, the chill was -46! So, I'm settling with “happy” with this. - The day? Sat with Yonah and put another coat of black on the PO sign. This morning's lavage is dry now... on the rack. But I did a lot of “napping” here and there. Then meal. Not much. Tiny bit of chicken with veggies and bread and butter. A tiny bit of ice cream after. Of course... started at 17.00 and completely done by 18.00. A bit of soc.med. and on to “tele” until... -
JUST A FEW MOMENTS AGO, AS I WAS WATCHING TELE, YONAH WAS COO'ING! I HAVE THE DOOR ALMOST CLOSED, TO KEEP THE HEAT IN THERE AND THE LIGHT OUT, BUT I HEARD HER COO'ING. I STUCK MY HEAD IN TO LISTEN, BUT I DON'T WANT TO GO IN, IN CASE SHE'S SLEEPING. AND IF SHE IS SLEEPING, AND COO'ING IN HER SLEEP... SHE MUST BE “DREAMING”!!! CATS DO. DOGS DO. I SEE NO REASON WHY BIRDS CAN'T. AND IF SHE IS DREAMING... IS IT HEART-ACHE? MISSING HER OTHER HALF? THERE ARE 5, FIVE DOVES OUT BACK THESE DAYS. IT BREAKS MY HEART TO THINK HER “OTHER” IS THE 5TH ONE! AND ONE OF THEM TENDS TO COME ALONE, AND WHEN THE OTHERS COME, THAT ONE IS RATHER AGGRESSIVE, WANTING TO BE ALONE. THE OTHERS LEAVE AND S/HE STAYS BEHIND. WELL, IF IT IS HER “OTHER”, I HOPE HE'LL STAY UNTIL THE WEATHER GETS GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER TO GET OUT. I WANT HER TO BE FREE AGAIN! I'LL BE EMPTY WHEN SHE'S HERE, BUT I CAN'T KEEP HER FOR MUCH LONGER. SHE NEEDS TO BE FREE. AND THIS COO'ING AT NIGHT... WELL... I'M GOING TO HAVE TO STOP BEING UP SO LATE! (It'll do me good as well, certainly.)
I was thinking of showering tonight. Nope. Not bothering. And tomorrow, I was thinking of running to Westport for a money order to send to the “radiology”. But if I wait until Tuesday, I'll have food money, and English muffins and chicken breasts are on sale. (Of course, by Tuesday, the fucking store will probably be empty but...) Then I can just make the loop. I also need to get more grit for Yonah... a trip to Plattsburgh... with no guarantee that the store will have any but... and truly, I don't have the money to spend... 14$ in the account... if not the 200 for the electric and the 100 for the oil, which I'll have to call tomorrow to verify (I dread it but... better to know and pay, or not...). I doubt I'll over the oil more than about 60. Still... better to keep that bill paid. Oh well and alas. Still... Yonah is more important, to be sure. - I need to get to bed now. Thankfully there's a radiator in Yonah's room so it won't get cold in there. The rest of the house will be fine, and me too, with all the blankets. - For some reason, I'm dreading tomorrow. No particular reason, just not looking forward to it. And there's more COLD coming toward the end of the week. - Oh yeah... I printed the little “desk calendar” for Yonah's room... did it on a spread-sheet. Turned-out quite OK. - So there we have it. - 23.45 NOBODY'S GOT GRIT FOR BIRDS!!! AMAZON HAS BUT NOT AVAILABLE UNTIL THE 17TH!!! PLUS SHIPPING!!! AND I CAN'T FIND A BLOODY PUMP FOR A BATH! OR... I can TRY to get to WILLISTON and even THEN, no guarantee of grit! WTAF? The grit has the extra vits. and minerals. Oh... in the morning. - Meanwhile, Moron's come in (so I hear) and Yonah's still coo'ing... and the house is getting COLD in spite of the furnace running. What a night!
Mon.08.Feb: 10.59 (OK... 11.00 then). EVER-SO reluctantly out of bed at... almost 8.30!!! I was still awake, in bed, at 1.00 and slept rather “off” through until the 6.00 alarm... the 6.30 alarm... the 7.00 alarm. Figures though, what, with all the “naps” yesterday. Any-way... up I got, coffee on and the morning routine. Made a list of “ToDo” and, of course, started swaying from one thought to another to the other. And then it hit... Looked-up pet stores in Queensbury... which came to be Glens Falls (still feels “odd”... Glens Falls... too close to... Albany for my comfort, though, there's nobody there that I know any more and still, I've this repulsion). Ah... a Home Depot, Walmarde, JoAnn's... IF ANY of them are still there. “67mi” according to the Gglmap, just over an hour, on the Northway... Exit 19!!! I'm at, the closest, 31! And between here and there? Nothing. Up and over the “High Peaks” and... South of Lake George! (I don't like THAT distance). Williston? To drive through, no ferry, about the same in miles, so, were I to want to drive, I'd stay in NY! BUT HOW-EVER AND NONE-THE-LESS... I broke-down and... AND... ORDERED THROUGH RAMAZOOM AND PAID ALMOST 6$ IN SHIPPING. THEY CLAIM THURSDAY DELIVERY... AND I ORDERED THE GRIT, A “MOLTING” SUPPLEMENT (BECAUSE YONAH CERTAINLY IS MOULTING... ANOTHER FEATHER OFF THE WING THIS MORNING), AND A “NIGER SEED TREAT”. Had to take it off the “budgeted” oil expense but HEY! IT'S FOR YONAH! VITS, MINERALS, VARIETY, NUTRITION! - NEXT? “HOUSE-KEEPING” which became MORE involved than anticipated because, well, there wasn't enough clean sand to replace what was in there. So? So... the kitchen roll came out, the sand tray, with sand, out, fresh paper, fresh water... all the sand and such into news-paper and... the sand is now on the back walk and stoop, with grass and “such”. AND, of course... HOOVERING THE HOUSE! MEAN-while... there's a steel bowl of freshly-rinsed sand in a 400° oven as I type. - I can't say I've “pissed this morning away”... Eh? - And the sun is shining, the temperature is -9/-13°, going “up” to -6 today and then... -14 tonight... -6 for tomorrow's “high”... with... 5cm SNOW! Since I've already fucked the budget (*** AND THE RENT CHEQUE FOR FEBRUARY STILL HASN'T BEEN PRESENTED FOR PAYMENT... BUT I'M NOT GOING TO BE CONCERNED... CONSIDERING THE COLD WEATHER, SNOWS AND I'M SURE THAT IF THE CHEQUE DIDN'T ARRIVE, THERE'D BE A CALL BY NOW SO... FUKKIT ), I COULD go to Westport today. That office is closed until 14.00 anyway. I'd rather go tomorrow, and get to market as well. But in the snow? I'm thinking... I'll take the rest of the day as it comes along. AT LEAST I'VE SHOPPED FOR YONAH! - Left on the “list”... lettres to the “radiology” and another to the abattoir... both of whom will receive 5$ each this month... when I get to Westport. I'm not going to fret over this bull-shit any longer... just do what I feel I can/ought/care to do and no more. Fukkit! The Fed wants “Free Health Care” for ILLEGALS? FUKDATSHIT! I'll do what... and no more, no less, no shit. - Now... to get on with mid-day coffee... and the vits. - I woke, feeling rather OK, but tired. I've been moving along all morning but there seems to be “something sinus” going on here. Much sneezing this morning and a bit of “pressure” in the upper “nosal” region. My eyes are a bit “burnnie”. I couldn't POSSIBLY have a cold or flu or the likes... not with all this vit.C in my system... or, it' my body screaming “NO MORE! I CAN'T TAKE ANY MORE OF THIS!” Oh, but, 'tis as I think: Chemo, that shit that's supposed to “cure” or “make better” makes the recipient wish for death... I can't complain about this, really. - I can “smell” the sand baking... One thing for certain, when it's done (I'm bringing it to a “boil” at the very least and then a bit more... sterile and quicker to dry the hotter it gets), and I open the oven, that hot sand will help keep the house warm. - And... the sun POURS in through Yonah's windows... - Oh, PS: last night the walls of this old house got SO COLD that I could FEEL the cold on my head! It really wasn't all THAT cold last night, comparatively, but WOW! This old place cooled right down. - Moving along... as I ought. - AND I NEED to get this Journal onto the SERVERS! - 21.27 Finished with vits and hot water. - The day? Well... sent an e-mail to Theresa telling her about my “vitamin regime”. Response should be interesting. - Meal was meagre but I've got a gut to get rid of anyway. - Watched “Coupling”. - And it's getting COLD again. - Yonah has an “odd” feather on her right wing that obviously bothers her. I looked it up on-line... Of course there were the “Pull it but be careful” comments. But the fellow who'd posted about his “Darwin” said that “Darwin” managed to get rid of it. Others recommended leaving it alone. Me? I'm remembering how I thought her “dead” leg should have been removed. THANK GOD I DIDN'T!!!!!!!!!!! SO, I'M LEAVING THE FEATHER! And she's been in the room with the door closed, quietly, from about 19.00. No coo'ing tonight. Thankfully... she's peaceful, and so am I. - Oh... Nancy happened by this after-noon when I went out for a smoke. She brought Jack and came via the drive so I wonder where the “shit pile” is. But I was pleasant. We chatted about Yonah and she had the fucking audacity to ask me to call her on the day I put Yonah's cage out to set her free! Yeah... sure... as if. She also suggested I get a canary or a parakeet or some sort of bird. Honestly... my heart couldn't take it and besides, I don't know how long I'll be around after Yonah's back free. But, I was polite and pleasant and charming and... there we have it. - And that pretty much covers the rest of the day. - That said... GOOD FOOD AND TREATS TO COME ON THURSDAY, FOR YONAH. The “moulting” mix should come in handy now... IT HAD BETTER ARRIVE THURSDAY! - Now, I'm going out for last smoke and off to the loo to trim my beard a touch and after, clip toe nails... items from today's list. Tomorrow? Well... it's supposed to start snowing at about mid-night and continue on until 22.00 tomorrow so I'm in no particular rush. But I was thinking I could go to Westport, spend what I don't have on money orders and post them from here... ALTHOUGH... THE RENT CHEQUE FOR FEBRURAY IS STILL OUT-STANDING AND THAT GIVES ME CAUSE FOR CONCERN... even though I DO figure that Alden would ring if he didn't receive it... *OH YES... AND THE MONEY ORDER I SENT LAST MONTH ON THE RADIOLOGY BILL HASN'T BEEN CASHED EITHER... FUCKING GAMES NOW? I HOPE, FOR THEIR SAKE... NOT! Meanwhile, I'm in no rush about the money orders and I can toddle into market tomorrow for “provisions”... broccoli for Yonah? Or something she might enjoy. (I NEED to get her a little bath!) - But for now... time to get to the shower and such and TRY for a CIVIL hour in the morning!
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15.16 (I'm using “BOLD” an awful lot of late!) WORKING ON PUTTING THIS ALL ONTO THE SERVERS, GOING THROUGH JANUARY'S PHOTOS AND SUCH, I HAPPENED TO NOTICE A “GAP” IN THE ENTRY FOR “09 JANUARY” AND SOME SORT OF NONSENSICAL ENDING FOR WHAT HAD ALREADY BEEN POSTED TO THE SERVERS ON THE 23rd JANUARY! THROUGH DEDUCTIVE SEARCH AND RESEARCH, AND, THANKFULLY, WITH THE MENTION OF CREATING THE “NORDLÄNDER” ACCOUNT ON MINDS I WAS ABLE TO TRACE BACK THE EVENTS, GET THE CHRONOLOGY AND MOVE ENTRIES AND PARAGRAPHS TO WHERE THEY SHOULD HAVE BEEN!!! SOME-HOW, I *MOVED* AN ENTIRE ENTRY FROM THE 9th TO THE END OF THE 23rd!!! MY MIND TRULY *IS* GOING TO SHIT THESE DAYS. NEVER MIND THE FACT THAT GLASSES ON MY NOSE GIVE ME SINUS PAIN, AND LOOKING AT A SCREEN GIVES ME DIZZINESS. MY EYES ARE ALL BUT SHOT TO SHIT. THE BRAIN IS GOING INTO SOME KIND OF “SHUT-DOWN”, AND YET, THAT “CT SCAN” THEY DID AT THE ABATTOIR ALLEGEDLY SHOWED NOTHING PROBLEMATIC, NOR DID THE CT DONE MANY MONTHS BEFORE AT NORTHWEST MEDICAL WHEN THEY CHECKED (AND HAPPENED TO GO A LITTLE TOO LOW AND DISCOVERED THE “NODULE”). OH WELL... FUKKIT! FUKKITALL! AT LEAST I STILL HAVE THE “WHERE-WITH-ALL” TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO FIND AND CORRECT THESE ERRORS. IT MIGHT BE A TOUCH PAINFUL, BUT... WTF? EH? - AND WHILST HERE, AN ADDED NOTE: RECEIVED AN E-MAIL FROM THERESA... GOD LOVE HER, SHE'S GOING THROUGH SOME KINDS OF HELL OF HER OWN THESE DAYS AND YET, SHE SIGNS OFF WITH MENTION OF MEETING AT G's AND “WITH ALL THE LOVE I HAVE TO GIVE”. ***** BUT OF REAL NOTE: SHE SAYS SHE HAS A PHYSICIAN WHO ACTUALLY USES THE “MEGA-C” APPROACH TO A GREAT MANY ILLNESSES, AILMENTS AND MALADIES AND SWEARS BY IT! NOT THAT ONE MD IS, SENSIBLY, A CAUSE FOR REJOICING, BUT... NOW I KNOW SOME-ONE WHO KNOWS A PHYSICIAN WHO ACTUALLY USES THE TREATMENT/APPROACH AND HAS SUCCESS DATA! AS THERESA SAID: IF IT WORKS TO KEEP YOU WITH YONAH AND I A LITTLE LONGER, LET'S HOPE... ***** She was listening to “Dvorak”... “New World” as she sent the message... I HAD to send a link to Hauser's rendition of “Song To The Moon” with the note that Yonah likes that song. - OK. So the day is ending and I'm not much further along with anything than I was this morning. Another fukkup day. But, there's chicken for “meal” and I believe I'll make pasta with for tonight. Other than that... I grabbed a 45-minute snooze, the sun managed to hazily shine through the thinning clouds a little while ago, the furnace is running and... I MUST get this shit onto the servers before I fuck-up again! - 18.33 WELL! THAT was almost painful... Had to take a “meal break” before getting back into fixing the servers and coding for January! NOW... February is up to 11 pages and... I NEED to get this out of here and onto the servers! (Not to mention, the up-date of the WP Journal.) Keeping “busy”... at the end of the day, of course, But... meal... chicken and angel hair pasta with ice cream after was good enough. Now, back to “work”. - 18.45 January is DONE... Now... I'm putting THIS onto the server! Just to get it OFF the lap-top! And then? WHAT-EVUH! I'm tired... - 18.55 ALL SAFE! ON THE SERVERS! WHEW! - 19.03 FEBRUARY'S RENT CHEQUE IS IN AND PAID!!! Just checked! YAY! Now, the only “out-standings” are the NYSEG and to check on the “oil” account. Then... LIVE! - 22.21 Furnace is running. 3 hot waters, 3 slices of “cinnamon toast”, vits and Naproxen... and I'm actually sweating in the heat. A few episodes of “Coupling”. Oddly S3E3 and S4E3 are MISSING! FUCKERS. Anyway... time to get to bed... I suppose. Tomorrow? Pfffttt. - Yonah CALLED me at 19.45 to come turn off the light! She's going to be quite the “quiet” when she's back with the flock. LOVE HER SO MUCH!
Wed.10.Feb: 8.42 AND... Back stoop cleared of more snow than I'd expected, “breakfast is served” on the back-yard veranda, coffee and vits. consumed. Ms. Yonah woke me at 7.48 because I'd irresponsibly dozed after all the alarms of the morning. LOVE HER! - 'twas another night of being up and awake at mid-night, in spite of being in bed by 22.30. I'd read until I couldn't, and at about 23.15, lights out. BUT... once the lights went out, the fatigue went with. So, turning to lay on the left side, as I do, oddly enough, rather frequently of late, SOME MUSCLE IN THE RIGHT SIDE OF MY TORSO GOT “PULLED” AND THE PAIN RAN UP THE TORSO TO THE SHOULDER AND DOWN THE RIGHT ARM TO THE HAND! It was, indeed... PAINFUL! I had to stand up and bend things back and even then, the residual pain was... “there” for a while. But, I did manage to get back to sleep until about 1.20 when... LOO! After that... the night settled... and too soon, became “day”... through which I would have liked to sleep but... “Coo-OO-oo-oo-oo-oo”.... So, with a smile on face, apologies in the air, I got up, threw on the robe and opened the curtains to the sun-shine, blue skies and white land-scape for Ms. Yonahle. From thence... all simply rolled together... especially when I saw that any residual seed on the back walk had been buried by last night's snow-fall. And there we have it... another day commences. Now, as for what will be done with this day, I've little idea, even less care or concern but will see how it all progresses. No particular rush for much of any-thing out-side the doors. - Note: last night, I THINK I heard Bozoboi come in round about 21.00 or so. But it was “mostly peaceful” (as the Libfux like to classify their pillaging of current times) through the night. And I really can't tell whether or not anybody is actually in residence over there. Could it/they have found their “better place in Moriah”? One can only wonder. Oh well... One thing for almost certain: with this weather and all this “flu panic”, re-renting that place isn't going to be all that easy. Not to mention, the “moratorium on evictions” (although, this is “Hick-land” where “law” means precious little anyway). Bingboo did say he and “the woman” were considering a relocate, and he hasn't been too thrilled with this place, for what-ever reason. So? So... As with all... “Time will tell”. I can't be bollocksed except to keep looking for a place I don't have to share walls in... or deal with screeching banshees and “INDY” races passing the kitchen window, shifting foundations, bitter-cold windows that don't close... &c., &c.. OKieDOKie then... On with the day it is! - 19.50 YONAH IS BLEEDING! I CAN'T SEE WHERE OR WHY, BUT THERE ARE SPATTERS ON THE CARD-BOARD THAT I PUT UP AT NIGHT, SO IT MAY HAVE STARTED LAST NIGHT. AND THERE ARE SPOTS ON THE CURTAINS TO THE RIGHT, AS I LOOK AT THE CAGE. I NOTICED A SPOT BY HER WATER THIS EVENING, WHEN, ABOUT 10 MINUTES AGO, I WENT IN TO PUT OUT THE LIGHT FOR THE NIGHT. THEN, SPOTS IN HER SAND, WHICH I PUT BACK THIS AFTER-NOON BEFORE MEAL. ANOTHER SPOT ON THE LITTLE PLASTIC CONTAINER THAT HOLD THE “BACK GRASSES” AND 3 MORE ON THE TOWELLING OVER BY HER “NIGHT PERCH”. THEY'RE ALL QUITE DRY, BUT THIS EVENING, AFTER I'D COME BACK FROM MARKET (AT ABOUT 14.30 OR 15.00) I TOOK OUT A PAN OF WATER THAT I'D PUT IN FOR HER THIS MORNING, FOR BATHING (WHICH SHE DIDN'T USE, OF COURSE) AND SPILT WATER ON THE “FLOOR PAPERS”. SO I GOT THE PAN OUT, REPLACED THE LOO-ROLL, FRESH, AND PUT HER SAND BACK IN BECAUSE I THOUGHT SHE ENJOYED IT. SHE WASN'T AS “FLIGHTY” AS SHE SOME-TIMES GETS WHEN I'M IN THERE, SO I TOOK THAT AS HER BEING USED TO ME DOING THINGS IN THERE. ALL SEEMED WELL ENOUGH THEN. NO BLOOD, AND I HADN'T NOTICED ANY ON CURTAINS OR THE LIKES. BUT THEN, TONIGHT, AS I LOOKED AT THE CARD-BOARD, I NOTICED THE LIGHT SPLATTERING. SO THE BLEEDING MUST HAVE BEEN GOING ON LAST NIGHT ALREADY! THERE'S NO OBVIOUS SIGNS ON HER BODY, FROM BEAK TO TAIL. THE ONLY THING I CAN THINK OF IS THAT “ODD FEATHER” THAT GAVE HER TROUBLE. PERHAPS IT WAS WHAT THEY CALL A “BLOOD FEATHER”, IMMATURE, AND WHEN SHE FINALLY PULLED IT, IT CAUSED A BIT OF A WOUND. AND AS SHE RUFFLED HER FEATHERS, PREENED, OR FLEW FROM BRANCH-TO-BRANCH, IT SPLATTERED. AND NOW, SHE MIGHT BE “PICKING” AT IT. AND TO THINK... I JUST GOT NOTIFIED TODAY THAT HER “SPECIAL TREATS”, WITH THE NIGER SEED AND THE ONE FOR “MOULTING” SHOULD ARRIVE ON FRIDAY NIGHT'S UPS DELIVERY. THERE'S NOTHING MORE I CAN DO FOR NOW BUT WAIT AND HOPE ALL WILL BE WELL IN THE MORNING, WITH NO FURTHER BLOOD. SHE'S ON HER PERCH NOW, IN THE ROOM, WITH THE RADIATOR ON AND THE DOOR CLOSED FOR THE NIGHT. WELL? I KEEP THINKING OF HER LEG, AND HOW I BELIEVED IT WAS BROKEN... BUT OBVIOUSLY, IT WASN'T. HER WING HEALED EVER-SO WELL. AND WHEN SHE'D FLOWN INTO THE WINDOW THAT DAY, AND THERE WAS BLOOD ON THE CURTAINS THEN TOO, SHE RECOVERED. IN THE WILD (WHERE SHE SHOULD BE WITH HER FLOCK), THERE'D BE NO “MEDICAL STAFF” FOR HER. SHE HEALS WELL, AND SHE GETS HER VITAMINS AND MINERALS FROM THE GRIT AND THE SEED, THE EGG AND THE BROCCOLI. I CAN ONLY HOPE AND, FOR ALL THE GOOD IT MAY OR MAY NOT DO... PRAY. STILL, IT HURTS MY HEART TO THINK OF HER IN *ANY* DISCOMFORT. I'LL JUST HAVE TO MAKE SURE TO MAKE CERTAIN THAT SHE'S CALM. - Made 2 loavs of brad this morning and a little batch of tiny “Heunle”... and I mean “TINY”... just to have something with tonight's vitamins. Tossed in 6 eggs for these baked goods this morning, before they go bad. Best to use before. - Yes, I did get to FamDoll for nothing other than smokes and then went to market where I managed to toss 60$ on shit... well... “food”, I suppose. Amazon doesn't have my coffee and Bustelo prices are UP! What I usually pay about 11$ for is not about 15$ on average. I was going to order anyway but couldn't use the FS! Fuck me. I broke down and got a brick at market... 5$ for 10oz! Terribly over-priced but... it's not that it was an “emergency” but better to have than not. Got chicken, which I have to prep tomorrow. But of note was... the store was almost quite empty but when I got to the cashe, one of the manageresses opened a registre, thankfully. As I put my items on the belt, she said “You should cover your nose.” meaning with the bandana. So I told her, quietly, “I really shouldn't have this on at all.” She calmly asked why and when I told her, she was quiet understanding about it all and we chatted whilst she scanned the order AND HELPED ME PACK IT! She wished me well as I left. I was so taken that, when I got back and un-packed, I rang “corporate” to tell them how much I appreciated the kindness, but declined to leave my name. (As I said, if it's addressed at the store, they'll know who it is... after all, I have “a card”.) Anyway, it truly was appreciated. (Ah... the kindness of the store, the kindness of me to call... I DID say, when I'd done chatting “Uh oh... here's a kindness that won't go un-punished.” and tonight... YONAH IS BLEEDING! THERE! The punishment for the kindnesses of the day. Hopefully this covers my debt.) - “Meal”... a pizza. Ice cream with whipped topping after. And now... hot waters to commence. It's already 20.14... let's see if I can't get to bed AND TO SLEEP... BEFORE MID-NIGHT AND SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT... let's see. Not planning on it though. - Tomorrow? Nothing on the agenda. Should be sunny which means cold. But we shall see... we shall... in deed. - 22.41 Late again... but... - Yonah's on her perch and I checked... no bleeding. So... out for last smoke and to bed. - Earlier, I had a smoke on the back gallery. There's a light on next door but the back room is dark. “Thanos” used to be in there with a heat lamp on through the night or at least late into... Looks like I was correct... The moron's moved house! Well! - I've got to get a nap now.- 22.52 Just in from last smoke. Strolled over to the Hill. Little lights on in the living-room. None other. Well... maybe they got that “vacation” together? Nah... “Thanos” needs the heat and Jeff always took care of that when Hannah and he were away and I haven't seen nor heard Jeff come by. So “Thanos” must be in Moriah. Well? Oil was delivered. He did say they wanted to move by March, and leave a half tank of oil. BUT... if he was leaving, I DO believe that Alden would call to ask about “cleaning” the place. We shall see... what we shall see... - I'm off... Yonah's OK. I'm OK. The world is OK since Yonah is OK. OK.
Thu.11.Feb: 9.29 WELL... YONAH APPEARS TO BE FINE THIS MORNING... AND... I'VE FINALLY PLACED THE ORDER FOR THE PUMP AND TUBING TO MAKE HER A “BATH”... Amamazon, UN-fortunately, but it's all can do. HOPEFULLY the damned pump comes as advertised AND works properly. I bloody HATE this “on-line shopping” but it's all I have these days so... Her “treats” are due tomorrow. The pump and tubing due next Tuesday for the pump and the tubing by Friday. Oh well... The way this morning worked is... I heard the alarm at 6.00 and let it go to the 6.30 (both of which are actually about 6 minutes before). Hit the “snooze” twice on the 6.30 and then, because I HAD to run to the loo... got up and out of bed. Yonah was up and awake so, I opened her curtains, put the kettle on and things began rolling from there. Got dressed and the notion of the pump came to mind so THAT'S what's taken the hours of this morning! (But at least, at last, it's done!) - Have had morning smoke, on the back gallery where I hear Bozoboi IS in residence... YELLING on, I presume, the phone. I don't hear him in the kitchen or the loo but WOW, sound travels OUT of this house quite well. Anyway, voices in the place next-door. Am I “happy”? Well, yes, because I'd rather that place not be empty in Winter again and “not really” because I'll just go back into the “stress” of expecting more banging. Time will tell all. Hey! He's not ANY-WHERE as annoying as the qunt in the pee-oh (who, at the moment, is SLAMMING the boxes out front... next, I suspect, the “towel roll” BANGING against the living-room wall). - Oh, last night I checked “Crgs” to see if there are any listings for here, “Liztown” or Rouses Point... Nothing for here expect an “ISO” from a broad with 2 kids and 2 dogs... I MOST SERIOUSLY doubt Alden would have that... besides, there's no ROOM for all that here. RP is “retirement” housing. So this place isn't listed and there's no place of interest to me. - That said... there's nothing on today's “agenda”, I find it “chilled” in the house this morning, though, the furnace isn't constantly running (though I hear it starting as I type... oh well). And the next 2 nights are forecast to be “BRISK”... snow, again, Tuesday-week. Oh well... it IS still “February”. - Feeling this morning? “OK”. There's the “chill”, and a quick glance in the mirror gave a reflection of a “strange, pale” palour. But other-wise... I've sat up and taken coffee. - Now, off to ramble through the day. Lights went out at mid-night again, so there's a “snooze” coming. - There's a touch of sun coming in through Yonah's window so I'm happy about that, and she's already managed to kick quit a bit of sand about this morning. (When I think: Once upon a time that would have, most likely, bothered me to no end, but these days, I actually enjoy seeing that she's active and kicking about. We're at “weeks” until warmer weather now... I HOPE! She and I just need to “hold on, hold up, hold out” for a bit longer....) - Oh... finished “Coupling” last night so I have to find more “evening entertainment”... Running out of Brits! - 16.40 Chicken and rice and 2 separate breasts in the oven for almost an hour now. 80s blasting all the while. And the sky is still blue. Sun setting o'er Giant Mountain. The day... and after a 40-minute snooze. Not too shoddy. Still, there was a list of other things that should have been attended. But... food is being prepared and, with 4 breasts... that's almost 8 night's of “meal”!!! So I suppose that's pretty good. From here on, it's cooking veggies and heating in the toaster oven. I'm “OK” with that. AND “dinner” has been “served” on the back walk for the birds. Now... I suppose it's back to the “normal” of New Russia... calm... until next door starts “construction” at 21.00. - 20.54 The “construction” hit at about 20.00! (I “knew”...?) But stopped rather shortly after. Well? It's still “there”. Thankfully, it's behaving “human”... for a while. - I've had my hot waters and nightly “pills” and am now heading for the shower... quickly... after last smoke. - Yonah was “nigh-night” shortly after 18.30 tonight... little LOVE!!!! She'd pulled a little “clump” of “down” today, stuck together with something rather “black”. Not sure what it is, but it bothers me that it came from her. I have it here to look at more carefully. Thankfully her “good treats” are due tomorrow evening. (And I'll be needing another bag of her “good food” soon too... had I thought, I could have ordered it with her treats and gotten that “free shipping”... oh no bother. Sadly, I'll have to order the food. The “Pet” store in Plattsburgh doesn't carry it and I'm not about to go to Williston. So? So there we have it. 6,00$ in shipping is a LOT LESS that 22$ ferry plus gas. - 21.08 Just in from last smoke and the WIND is BLOWING! -21/-16 tonight! -22/-26 for tomorrow night!!! Next week, back “up” to minus single digits... with some more snow. I SO WANT THE WARMER WEATHER TO COME! YONAH NEEDS TO BE BACK WITH HER FLOCK! They've been coming by more frequently to eat out back though. I'll have to get another bag of food soon too. Hopefully my calculations for the electric are correct and I'll be 100$ over on the budget... I keep looking to see if the “bill” posts on-line but I fear it's going to be another week... and there isn't enough food for them for that long. Oh well... my “priorities” are the “little ones”. Oh, and that “odd” Jay was back today. I got to walk right to it and it just stared at me. When I moved my hands toward it, it flew away. I worry about it now too. But I can't put that in with Yonah now. I doubt she'd “enjoy the company” since jays are so aggressive to begin with AND I don't want HER infected with anything! She's doing well-enough now... she MUST be perfectly healthy come Spring! - Furnace just kicked. Might be the 21.00 water pressure time too. I can only hope. So I'm off. - No “tele” tonight. Off to bed!
Fri.12.Feb: 6.48 Not sure why I am, but I am up, dressed, coffee, in from putting more food out for the little ones in the back, “whites” in the basin on the soak... and yes, it feels like -26 out there. One can almost feel one's lungs freeze, should one “mouth breathe”. But the day-light is coming and the minus-teens should follow. - Been sneezing quite a bit this morning, and there's a bit of a “drip” in the nose. But, showered last night, before bed, cleansed the nasals, the heat is up and so, I'm sure there's a bit of “dust” in the air in the house. But it DID take the “wind from the sails”, adding to the regular, general, common “difficulties” of a morning. Oh well... let's just hope we make it through this day. HEY! Yonah's “treats” are en route (I hope)! Nourishment... “GOOD” nourishment is on the way! Hey! - What to do with all this time? (Being up and about before 7.00.) Oh... I'll surely find some way to piss it away so that this evening I can be disappointed with me. There's nothing “pressing”. Plenty of cooked food on hand, juice, ice cream, veggies... that sort of thing. Shame, really, that I won't “imbibe” whilst on this “Vit.C” thing. But, it's probably for the best... for now. Plenty of time for all that... when Yonah's back out with the flock. So, for now, coffee and... we'll know how the day went... once it's “went”. Another day. You know... I am rather “thankful” that can get up in the morning and ponder the day instead of getting up in the morning and thinking of ways to get out, get away, keep moving, working, doing, being active, pushing, shoving, frantically, through the hours to come. I AM thankful for that. Honestly, if I wanted, I COULD just go right back to bed... or futon... there's nobody to comment... nobody to see... nobody to whine... to judge... AND WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I CARE ANY WAY? EH? “NOBODY” IS PAYING THE WAY! And there we have it. - I see actual day-light coming through the window... Yonah will be stirring soon... House-keeping today at some point. Thankfully she has that radiator in there this morning... Precious little LOVE... warm and toasty through these horrific mornings. “One of these mornings, you're gonna rise-up singing. Then you'll spread your wings, and you'll take to the sky. Until that morning, there ain't nothin' can harm you..” cause I'm right beside you... standin' by. Little LOVE. - 18.03 YONAH'S TREATS ARRIVED TODAY! (And the UPS guy didn't even knock. I was snoozing when they arrived at 15.38!) AND I PUT A LITTLE OF THE NYJER SEEDS IN A LITTLE DISH ALREADY AND SHE LIKES THEM!!! SO TOMORROW... HOUSE-KEEPING AND TREATS AND “MOULTING” SPECIALITY! NEXT WEEK, TUESDAY BRINGS THE PUMP FOR THE NEW “BATH”... *NEXT FRIDAY-TUESDAY* (FUCKERS) COMES THE TUBING! IF NOT FOR THE FACT THAT IT'S “FOOD QUALITY” I'D TELL THEM TO SHOVE IT! BUT ALL I'LL GET AT AU-BITCH-ONS IS “INDUSTRIAL” AND I DON'T WANT THAT SO... IT'LL GIVE ME TIME TO GET THE BOWL(S) AND FIGURE THE SET-UP... I SUPPOSE. *BUT* IT WAS “SHIPPED YESTERDAY? SO WE SHALL SEE I SUPPOSE. - 21.53 Picking up where I'd left off...The tubing is shipped from CT via “USPS” so THERE'S why it'll take an eternity to arrive! The pump shipped today, also from CT but via UPS (and probably that USPS intervention shit... so if there's even the slightest problem, I'll be off to the company with a major screech-fest, to be sure). ANYWAY... THE NOURISHMENT HAS ARRIVED AND I'M RELIVED ABOUT THAT. IT'S ON A SHELF ON THE WALL NOW. NEXT THING: THAT “HEALTHY SELECT” SEED MIX. Ms. YONAH WILL BE A HEALTHY KNOCK-OUT BABE COME THE SEASON! I'M LOOKING SO FORAWARD TO THAT. - I'm still trying to figure out how to get the cage on the porch as well. Having “something” next-door is a problem, and with the traffic that uses the drive, well... We'll see what comes of that. I'm thinking of parking at the kitchen, no matter what. Joan did. I see no reason why I shouldn't. That'll put a stop to the bull-shit and I won't have to worry about the little ones! Yay me. Fuck them.- I've been watching Ramesh... &c. travel bits. Tonight it was “Haiti” and the REAL Haiti... no “de luxe”. Heart-breaking! But, as I watched, Yonah coo'ed... from in her room. I'd closed the light at about 19.00 or so and all was OK for a while. But when she coo's in the dark, I wonder: dreaming, frightened, lonely....? It's heart-breaking! I SO wish I knew more about her. I DID find MUCH more info this evening, when I looked-up “nyjer seeds”. They come from Africa and such and are the most expensive bird food of all. But birds LOVE it AND it's the number one preferred for Winter because it's loaded with oil/fat and so much nourishment! I'm THRILLED Yonah likes them! Anyway, there was MORE info on bird-baths, and mourning doves. I'm learning. Now, I wish I could KNOW more. When I go into the room and the light is off, she still thrust her head to peck me. Last night, I put my hand in, with “her” light on and she took a peck at it, letting me know she didn't want to be annoyed. Ever so lightly though. I believe she some-how “knows” that I won't hurt her. Oh, and her wing is looking MUCH better today. Hopefully the “moulting mix” will help. I learnt, today, that they moult, primarily, twice yearly: Spring for mating and late Summer to replace damaged feathers and that they'll moult when necessary. Sometimes it's just the feathers that need to go, sometimes it's a complete make-over. She lost a LOT of feathers when she first came in. I suppose her “system” is a touch “off because of the heat in the house and such. All I can do it “Hope”. - Tomorrow... House-keeping and TREATS!!! - Meanwhile, “meal” was a portion of that “chicken and rice”, re-heated. It tasted quite nice and was filling (sufficient). It made 4 heft servings so there are 3 more and 2 pieces of breast in the fridge. There's food in the house, to be sure. - BAD news? My “chewing” teeth are breaking off massively now! I'm almost down to almost none! It won't be long now... and the “front” teeth are beginning to show “wear”. Yep... toothless... if I last much longer. The vit.C probably doesn't make matters better there. But the choice is teeth or breathing until Spring. Vit.C it is then. One of these days, if I “absolutely must”, I'll check “Aspen” in Plattsburgh. They CLAIM they're “understanding” and will “work with budgets” (yeah... sure). - *** OH... ALMOST FORGOT... SPOKE WITH EV THIS AFTER-NOON! AND HOUR AND 40 MINUTES! SHE TOLD ME ABOUT HER CHILD-HOOD AND EDUCATION, HOW SHE GOT HER JOBS AND SOME HISTORY OF MOE'S! AND HOUR AND 40 MINUTES! IT WAS DELIGHTFUL!!! She says it was 27°F there today and they have “a lot of snow”... about a foot, if that. But we laughed, and REALLY had a wonderful time chatting! - Well, 22.12 and I'm later than I wanted again. Oh well. Tomorrow's Saturday anyway.... -17/-21° now... -21/-25 by morning. Sunday back to single digit minuses during the day and minus teens at night. Snow Monday, Tuesday and Friday... I HOPE the oil holds! The furnace has been running more than I'm comfortable with. Maybe I'll toddle a glance tomorrow (maybe not). At least the radiator keeps Yonah's room toasty. That's ALL I really am concerned about. If I have to put one in my room... fine. The rest of the house can... what-ever. I can't give a shit. - Speaking of shit... I seem to have a bout of the trots tonight... can't figure why. Not important. The “MegaC” can do that... let's hope it doesn't. I'm sticking to the 11g for Feb. Then 10g March, 8 or 9 April, 6 by May. I might stick with the 6 for a while. That's the average I've seen for “treatments” sake. Then, when Yonah's safely back with the flock... 2g/day until.. - But for now, time for last smoke (I dread stepping out there but...), brush my stumps (as they are) and off to bed and hopefully a night's sleep. I've already taken tonight's “pills” at about 20.30. Time to “wrap this day up”! - Oh, one more note: “Accomplishments”? Fukkall, save attaching a wire to the radio antenna in Yonah's room. It DID help, a little bit, to get a couple of French stations in, but as clear as the old AM radio at The Top. Still, better... a little. And THAT was my “accomplishment” for the day. Yes, I'm annoyed... with me. But? But...
Sat.13.Feb: 7.50 *** YONAH... 4 MONTHS *** Though the months have passed quickly, and this morning, my thoughts are on making a little “pond” for her, and how I'll put the cage out, SAFELY, for her, I'm still anxious to see the snows gone, the temperatures warm and seeing her FLY FREE WITH HER FLOCK AGAIN! I go to sleep at night thinking the same things, wake with and to the same plots and plans. And again, this morning, as I came out of sleep, I heard her call. It was “time to get up”... at just before the first alarm at 7.00 (6.55 or so). It truly IS a beautiful way to wake of a morning. Maybe I'll get a good recording and use that as my alarms, come the warmer weather... until I no longer “have to wake”. - With the exception of a left foot contraction for a moment, and putting the socks on, at about 1.00, the lights were out before 23.00 and it was a night of sleep-through. Honestly, I could have stayed in bed this morning. But here I am, with coffee at hand, in from putting “breakfast” out for the flocks and squirrels, and morning smoke, on the back gallery. It certainly is “cold” out there. Indeed. -21/-23°, -11/-14 for today's “high”. Then, we should be going into single minus days, minus teens and night, there's more snow in the forecast. My “patience” wears thin this year. I'VE GOT A LITTLE LADY WHO WANTS TO BE WITH HER BEAU, HERE! - Other-wise, the furnace is running, I'm having a touch of a “light in the head” sort of start to the day, bringing-up a bit more than in past days, but nothing of “real concern”. At least I'm not “rattling” and the breathing is (relatively) easy. - House-keeping on the agenda du jour. And little “projects” I keep not fitting into the days. THAT needs to stop! MUST get m'self busy here! - SO SAD... this morning, “Flash” had to be removed from the lap-top! Adobe “took” it from Macromedia some time ago and now Adobe's not only dropped it, but managed to “block” it across the Internet! My “Winstar” days off 3rd Ave., teaching others how to have fun with it... ripped from existence. Little by little... our lives are obliterated. Ah... I suppose it has to be. If ALL remained over ALL time, eventually, there'd be no room for anything more. Still, I find it sad. There's a “site” that has recorded old web pages over some years. “the-bronx.org” was mine... SO much work went into that (just as the “Newburgh” site and the “Bronx Health” clinics and... others). But the “recorded” pages were kept in “Flash”... well, with the abolition of “Flash”... so too... the sites. We're “gone”... together. Maybe it's because of reading “Out of the Whirlwind” but I can't help but feel deep resentment: our existence is controlled by a relatively tiny minority of the population who fuck about with-out ANY consideration for ANY OTHER. I suppose that's how it's always been... is now... and will only become worse. After all... all those folks in that “Bible”... gone. Had it not been for the volume of recorded stories, and the number of earlier people who considered it “important”, that number too, diminishing... one of these days old Moses, Abraham... the lot... will be out of memory as well. “ALL” must move away. Of course, the only reason I even think of this this morning is because we're “trained” to be “sentimental”... eventually, all will have had that “sentiment” removed... I suppose. - So much for morning philosophy... time to roll along. There's shit to be done with this day! Shabbat... as it were, is, am, be. (And coffee to be consumed, along with what-ever “time” may be available.) - 12.35 LUNCH! And “House-Keeping” is done... complete with *New Nest*, fresh sand and... NEW DIET! MOULTING MIX, NYJER and the “Healthy Diet”! VITAMINS! MINERALS! STUFF! GOOD STUFF! Now to see if Yonah actually enjoys it. Hmmm.... - The bag on the Hoover is cleaned-out as well. Dumped it behind the pee-oh, then a good shake as I toddled to the post-box to find nothing there. “No news is good news” indeed. - But it's comforting to know that Yonah's place is clean (for the moment) and her food is now even more healthy than ever. My reason for breathing is complete. - Morning? Well... soc.med. and an e-mail to Gina. One thing I found interesting: this morning's temperature here was the very same as IQALUIT! Only difference? 2 degrees on the “chill”. There was 2 degrees cooler than here. But to have the same temperature as “Frobisher Bay”? WELL! - And now... tea time and then, on with the day (snooze?). - My head is spinning now. No reason for it but... these glasses seems to take a toll on the sinuses and that leads to things-spinning. Oh well... always something. - 17.07 30-minute snooze. Started 2 more “hornets' nests” (which aren't looking too sturdy... not enough glue in the water and I've run out... on the list for tomorrow). Had to wash the jeans because of “glue drips”. They're on the rack in the shower. Then Hoovered. - Put “dinner” on the back walk. - Moronboi threw some sort of “confetti” shit on the snow out that back door. Well? Trash is trash throws trash is trash. - Warmed more chicken and rice and the sand in the bowl because it's “damp”. - And now... sitting to “meal”. Another day... gone. - 22.09 Later than I'd've liked but... a couple of episodes of “Allo Allo”, hot water... vits... etc... - From the looks of things, the pump and tubing SHOULD arrive on Monday... sadly, the tubing is USPS, left Albany this evening so probably en route to Alaska. Fuktardz. If so, I WILL be bitching on Monday!!! - Yonah's been in her room, quiet, from since about 17.15. Sweetness. APPARENTLY SHE LIKES THE NEW FOOD COMBINATION... NYJER, MOULTING MIX, HER USUAL. AND SHE'S GOT A NEW “NEST” TONIGHT (THOUGH SHE DOESN'T USE IT.) I'LL HEAD OUT TOMORROW, RISK THE BUDGET, SEE IF I CAN'T GET HER A “POND DISH”. NEED A STONE FOR THE TUBINGTHOUGH. BUT... - SNOW again tonight and tomorrow... and about 4/5 days come the week! - I should have checked the oil but... perhaps tomorrow. I have to go out for more glue anyway. (The “nests” are drying tonight... not bad, not great, will need more work and more glue, too be sure.) - Well... time to wrap this shit up. I'm tired and my sinuses are a little “tickly”. I CAN'T possibly have a “cold”! Not with all this C! Oh... what-ever. -
Sun.14.Feb: 16.53 Another day... gone. “Meal” is in the toaster-over and on the hob. And I've just put another layer of paper on the next 2 “hornets' nests”, one of which is “slightly off” with the hanger but it's staying as it is. - Finally got the gumption to get out of here after noon. Maybe closer to 13.00, I think. Went to FamDoll for smokes and a plastic container to use as Yonah's “temporary bath”. I say “temporary” because it's plastic, not glass, and it's a bit on the flimsy side and it's too high. But it'll do for the “sight measurement” for now. Besides, the pee-oh is closed tomorrow so no tubing. (I don't mind... another day with-out that bull-shit... just the bull-shit from the back, which is starting now, after a day of calm... of course... trash.) Penny asked me if I wanted to work a couple of hours and I told her that I've offered several times. “Are you serious?” she asked. When I said “Yes” she replied “Good to know.” and I re-stated as I left. I'm not counting on it. It would be nice to pass some time, make a couple dollars. But... If they wanted me, they'd've called already, I'm sure. OK. That done, up to Aubuchon's to get seed AND a “boot tray” in which to put said seed. WELL! JUST as I was looking for the price on the “boot tray”, a young fellow comes over to ask if I needed help AND TO TELL ME THAT I NEEDED TO PUT MY BANDANA OVER MY FACE! Calmly, I said “I'm in this aisle alone and you came out of your way to be here. But if you stay 6ft from me, we're both OK.” He said he'd come to “offer a mask” and walked quietly away. When I got to the registre I told him “If you ever get to be my age and have what I'm dealing with, I hope some-body will be as kind to you as you've been to me.” He turned white! So I calmed the “troubled seas” and then went to “Lisa”, the assistant manageresse (his aunt too) to thank her and to commend him. She told me that it's her policy to not care about masks. “We don't know why people don't wear one and it's none of my business. Corporate says we have to insist, but I don't.” When I told her my little story, she was so kind, smiled and, pulling her mask down said that she does the same thing I do, for the same reasons: she walks in with it on and as soon as she can, she pulls it down... to breathe. Well? Another good deed... for which I'll be punished in due course, I've no doubt. - 18.23 “Meal”... began after 17.00... completely finished by 17.50. And now, hot water and indigestion, pain in the sternum, pain in the right breast, but that seems “superficial”, and not “in” the chest. Oh well... Can't be surprised. I've no doubt the vit.C is tearing my stomach. I ought to seriously consider trying to crush the vit.C. I have the mortar-pestle but that was supposed to be for Yonah... though I don't see that she needs it, with all the vits. and minerals and such she's getting these days in her “new mix”. What-ever. - Just did the “banquing” to see that I was over-charged for the boot-tray. I'm not going to bother about it though. Funny (not really), but, on the way back home this after-noon, I had the thought: If I'm truly ill, with so little time remaining, I need to stop being so fucking anxious about shopping for these little things I enjoy having... for now... for “now”. House and comfort first... the rest can go scratch. Indeed. Mother had a “diagnosis”. She knew she had 6 months. Me? I don't “HAVE” a diagnosis, but... I do know that this isn't going to keep running for the next several years. So? So... Fukkit! - Meanwhile... the “hornets' nests” are drying. Tomorrow, no pee-oh so another “quiet” day (provided I'm blessed with no Bozoboi or Bozogal. We shall see. - Oh... AND THIS HOUSE IS DEFINITELY SHIFTING! I'M SEEING MORE “SPACES” AND CRACKS AND THE KITCHEN “ALCOVE” SEEMS TO ME SHIFTING AS WELL... THE “CABINET” (DOORS) APPEAR TO BE SHIFTING. OH WELL... NOT *MY* PROPERTY, NOT *MY* CONCERN AS LONG AS THE OUT-SIDE IS KEPT *OUT*-SIDE. FUKKIT. - For the rest of the night, there are things I could do (images, transcribing banques to paper, the PO sign...) but I don't want to bother. - Yonah's curtains are closed, her light is on and she's just coo'ing. (I wonder if it goes through the wall to next door... tee-hee-hee, cooHOOoo-oo-oo HAH!) I'll put her card-board up in a little while. We had time together today... we'll have more tomorrow. - I'm “planning” on bed by 21.00 tonight. - 21.36 “Allo Allo”, hot ater, vits and such, last smoke and -8 tonight with... 15cm SNOW tomorrow and another 10-15 on Tuesday. So much for travelling. I was considering a run to Westport for money orders (considering) and/or Walmarde for a dish for Yonah. Well... we shall have to see how it turns out. - Meanwhile... I'm wrapping this day. Off to bed. I was up at 5.00 this morning, of my own... let's see what time we pull tomorrow. I could use the extra time, though it's a shame, really... no pee-oh. But then... no “bee-ass” either. OK then... DONE! - And the furnace just kicked... time to toddle.
Mon.15.Feb: 7.55 (Woke at about 3.00, decided to “snooze”. Woke again at 5.00, decided to “snooze”. The 6.00 and 6.30 alarms sounded, decided to 'snooze”. Got out of bed at 7.15. Yonah's curtains needed to be opened.) But when I woke at 1.37, looked at the clock, thought of “137th St. on the Broadway line, Harlem, Hamilton, I woke from a(nother) “strange” dream:
It was “night” through-out.
A massive crowd, on a city street. A parade of some sort. At night. In the darkness. Masses upon masses of people! And all dressed in shades of black or darkest grey. I was alone, but not truly, because I was “with” some-one, some-where in the crowd. It was packed. Precious little room to move. I was in a terrible mood, angry at or with some-one, at the time, for no known reason. I was just angry. I had a jar in my hand, full of good art pens, brushes, pencils. As if all of my truly good and expensive art supplies were in that one jar. I was angry, fed-up with “art”, my art works, and every-thing associated with that, and I started to pull things out of the jar and throw... THROW them up and into the crowd. Somebody, a combination of Zur and Bradshaw, one and the same but different from time-to-time through the dream, came to me out of the crowd and hollered “Are you CRAZY!?” because of the expense I was throwing away. I was angry with/at HIM/THEM! And the art work was some-how associated with him/them and with the jar in hand, I raised my arm, swung it round strongly in the air and ALL the contents went flying up and into the crowd! As the jar emptied, I became sad for my loss, not only of the items, but the money invested, the time, the works but I wanted nothing, none of it. “Our relationship”, Zur/Bradshaw, the art, the work, was finished and I wanted all traces gone, out of my life! But as I thought of the money I was throwing away, and watched the crowd dive for the items, and heard the comments “THIS SHIT IS EXPENSIVE!”, I grew all the angrier, for the wasted time of the work, the betrayal in the relationship, life.
It was a large, “studio-like” flat, contemporary of a sort, where “we”, ZB, and I lived and worked and had done for some time. Plain walls, no “trim” of any sort. A “studio/gallery”. It had been “ours”, home and studio combined. All the furniture was gone. There were things, scattered about, papers, bits of fabric, art-related items. Not much or many, just enough to make the place most un-tidy. I was leaving, walking out of and away from the relationship with ZB, business and personal. I really had no place to go “to” at the time, but I didn't care. And the furnishings were gone because he had sold them all off, wanting nothing in the place to remain that would be a reminder of the “us” who'd been there. “He” wasn't angry with/at me, but I'd been (some-how) betrayed, abused, neglected, and “I” was angry and saddened and determined to leave! I was trying, desperately, to pack ALL of my belongings into the 3 “tote-bags” I had to my name. No “luggage” or crates, boxes or the likes. Just fabric totes, one of which was dark green and exceptionally large. As with totes, things wouldn't fit properly or at all, but I kept trying to arrange and pack and carry in spite of my exhaustion and exasperation. And the more things wouldn't fit properly or I couldn't get the tote-strap over my shoulder, the angrier I became... but held it all in. ZB simply busied him-self about the place, all but ignoring my very presence, though, it was some-what, some-how understood that he didn't WANT me to leave and was some-what saddened by the fact that I was leaving. - There was a woman in the place as well. (I made a note of the dream when I woke this morning, but I only vaguely remember this bit.) She was “Latina” of a sort, late 20s-early-30s. She stayed, for the most part, by a hall-way that went to the door of the flat. She was waiting for me to finish, saying nothing, just waiting. She wanted to leave with me. I understood that she'd been “there” and in the country, illegally, “hired” by ZB in some capacity, I'd never really known of her presence until just at the moment and Immigration had discovered her presence and she truly “needed” to get out and away before they arrived to take her into custody and deport her. I was angry with and about her and her presence, wanting nothing to to with her. She was, some-how, a part of the cause of my anger and disgust with ZB, the flat, our work, relationship... and part of why I was so determined to get out of and away from the entire situation... - As I tried packing the totes, my anxieties, annoyance, aggravation, frustration, anger, madness, exasperation with and because of the entire situation from the anger with my-self over having thrown away all those COSTLY art supplies to the time and effort wasted on all the works that I'd done and no longer had even a trace of evidence of ever having created, to the “relationship” and having been betrayed and lied-to increased... I woke, not with a start... just woke. I didn't want to open my eyes, figuring I'd just drift right back to sleep, but I was curious as to the time... I'd put the lights out just before 23.00, after reading a bit and was wondering how long I'd slept. The clock on the shelf read “1:37” and, as I've already posted, I saw the hour, thought, for some reason, “137th Street. Broadway Nr.1 train. Hamilton.” and started to doze off again. But before letting go and going back to sleep, I thought I needed to make a note of this dream. So I turned the light on, jotted a few lines on the bed-side pad, turned the light off and... drifted back to sleep.
Then there's the dream I woke out of...
I was in desperate need of new under-pants. (No idea what could have brought this on. Yes, I could use new ones, but not badly enough to dream about it.) Schmulik had “this friend” who made them, allegedly highest quality, perfect fit, excellent craftsmanship... the “routine”. They weren't “cheap”, in quality or price, but they were perfectly worth the investment and so, “Schmulik” (actually him in the dream) arranged for “this friend” to make me a pair. *I* HAD to PAY, of course and in advance! Well, I went to the office/studio/location of “this friend” to fetch my “top quality” item only to find “this friend” to be some kind of wild, drug-wrecked boozer, of a certain age, (a bit of a reminder of a bedraggled Bradshaw, as it were), in a slum of a place, dark, quite dirty. When I got to him, he was slouching on an old, heavy, wood table, half-passed-out and in a piss of a mood. I asked for my goods and he, grumbling, reached over to a shelf and pulled a pair of under-pants down, thrust his hand forward at me and all but shoved them at me. In no mood to be bollocksed by this sort of derelict, I just took the under-pants and left the flat/studio/place. When I got to the street, I looked at my purchase. First thing... they were obviously TOO-TOO large! The “front panel” was a “maroon/burgundy” sort of colour, the “seat” was grey, the waist-band was black, BUT... the front panel appeared to be made of some sort of “wool” fabric, with the classic “frays” and “nits”; the “seat” had HOLES in the jersey-like fabric, as if they'd worn from old age! The entire item seemed to be have been made with the oldest remnants possible OR... had been “well-worn” previously! At first, I thought “Perhaps this is the 'style' he creates. I wouldn't be surprised. Schmulik is SO easily taken by 'the latest', no matter how ridiculous.” But then I realised that, because of the size, I couldn't wear this! The “wool” front would irritate terribly! And the holes in the seat fabric would wear through and disintegrate the entire bit in short time! AND I'D PAID EITHER 60 OR 80 DOLLARS FOR THIS SHIT! (The price bounced back and forth during the course of the dream... lending all that “ambiguity” that I always have in dreams.) As I stood there, at the stoop (the place was an old brown-stone... probably a throw-over to having woken at “1.37” earlier), examining the “rip-off” and growing out-right angry, “Schmulik” happened by, all with smiles and glee. I began, as calmly as I could, to explain the situation with “this friend's” product and with the intention of showing him and asking him if the useless shit could even remotely-possibly be intentional when... I woke.
And now, at 8.54, there we have it... From then on, the morning routine rolled along and here I sit, waiting for the snows to begin, for the idiots to come to the pee-oh to be annoyed that it's closed today due to the “Presidents' Day” holiday... I'm dressed, just at the end of first actual coffee... having had a quick “puffer” in the living-room because I was just too damned lazy to step out for a full smoke, my stomach/chest is uncomfortable this morning though the “cough-up” is still clear/white. Yonah's curtains are upon. The jays and some doves and the squirrel have been to breakfast (but I don't think they like the “serving tray” I put out there yesterday so I'll have to figure out another angle... perhaps back on the walk and I'll use the boot tray for the purpose intended). And the time rolls by, as time tends to do. Agenda? Well... the “hornets' nests” are just about dry enough to work the last layer onto... “just about”. Doesn't look like I'll be heading to Ticonderoga or Plattsburgh today... as usual... not in the mood and... AND... last night I checked the electric account... The “Usage History” data is ALL 2020! JUST 2020! NO 2021 at all! And there's no “Balance Due”. Next billing is in March. I don't understand! And I pulled half of the budgeted to make yesterday's shopping. So no... unless some-thing changes (like my attitude), no travel today... and tomorrow? If we get that 15cm of snow today and it carries to the threatened 10cm tomorrow... well... not likely. The only thing I really want is the bowl for Yonah's “bath” and I can work with the plastic container for a bit. So? So... here we are, I am, it is, that's that. - Now... on to “moving with the time” and seeing where it leads. - I'm light-headed again this morning. I'm wondering if it doesn't have some-thing to do with these “specs”... could it be that they're just not “correct” and that some imperceptible deviation in vision from eye-to-eye is causing some kind of “imbalance” in sight? Or... maybe there IS some “vertigo”. What-ever... time to move along. - 16.25 Finished the “last 2” hornets' nests at 15.45! Time well-spent with Yonah and time well-spent. A reason to be awake... breathing. AND, put one layer of paper on a 3rd balloon... for a “head”. Since I had the paper cut-up and soaked, I couldn't see the sense in throwing it away, not to mention, “how” to dispose of it. So there are 2 hanging in the kitchen cubby and the 3rd is hanging in the shower. There. And then, a 25-minute snooze, which hasn't done me any real “good” at all. I've been feeling “weighted” all day. Oh yes, went out, swept the back walk, moved the “boot tray” to the gallery rail so I can put food on it and it won't get covered in snow. We had a touch during the day, but it's melting at present. Forecast claims we're going to get that “load” tonight and tomorrow, followed or accompanied by “freezing rain”. Delightful! “February”. Just so long as the oil holds in the furnace, I've no complaints other-wise. I COULD, but probably won't, go to the market for ice cream, but ice cream is the only thing I could use and I see no reason to make the trip for just that. - Still waiting to see if Yonah's “pool pump” arrives. AND tomorrow, if the tubing arrives. I COULD have just ordered the pump and gotten the tubing at Aubuchon's but the ordered tubing is, allegedly, “food quality” and I'd much rather have that anyway. - And so, chicken in the toaster-oven, the furnace is running. I'm in from a smoke and still feeling “blah”. Not “ill”... just fatigued. Been hacking a touch during the day. Last time before snooze. It was tiny “clots” again, and only just slightly “tinged”. Then, right after, another hack of clear-white. No telling. Shit happens. Hey! I've never been looking for an absolute “cure” of what-ever it is... just a “slowing” or “clearing” until Yonah's out with her flock. So? So... - And it's been a “quiet” day, all told. I believe Bozoboi's been out. No car in the drive. No doubt, there'll be a “return” at some hour, maybe soon, considering the weather. All we can do is “hope” it behaves like a “civil human being”. - Now? Just to wait for “meal” and then... to wrap the day. Another day... another day... another day. - 16.37 Just checked deliveries. As I thought, all is down for tomorrow because today was a “holiday”. No prob. UPS has it for “Next Business Day Due To Holiday”... the bloody pee-oh has it “In Transit To Next Facility” but having left Albany. Here we go... “Misdirect” or some such fuckerie. - 21.55 ***** NYSEG IS 40,06$ ***** OVER-PAID!!!!! BUT THE ODD BIT IS THAT THE LAST “BILL” WAS DECEMBER... THERE'S NO RECORD OF JANUARY'S BILL AT ALL! AND NO RECORD OF USAGE! I DON'T LIKE THIS. STILL, THE ACTUAL CHARGES CAN'T BE ALL “TOO” MUCH DUE. BUT HAVING A CREDIT ON THE ACCOUNT... WELL... WE'LL SEE. TIMES ARE SHITTY OF LATE. - Meanwhile, I've been SO TIRED for the past 4 hours, trying to stay awake to take the vits. at 20.30. Did that. The versions of “Allo Allo” that are available for the next episodes are SHIT! So I found a series called “A Bit Of A Do”... each one is almost an hour long! Saw the first. Started the second. Won't be watching. - Of course, it's time to go to bed now and I don't want to. I'm tired, yes. But I just don't want to go to bed. And I've had the last of the “FamDollTarts” and 2 English muffins, gone for last smoke.... I just don't want to go to bed... as usual. No doubt I'll try to read and won't be able to. But... It's time. - Yonah's been quiet all evening. Sweetest-Heart that she is. In her room, door closed. - Tomorrow her “pool equipment” should arrive. - I can barely hear some sort of “stirring” next door. This shit better not blow into anything annoying tonight. I'm REALLY NOT in the mood. The snow's begun. “Radar” indicates the brunt for an hour, commencing round about 2.00. Looks quite “dark”. I just hope the electric doesn't go. It's not supposed to get “cold”. But I just don't like the idea of Yonah having to be cold. - Texas has had some HORRID ice! Even Dallas! I can't help but laugh when I think of Donna and Dorothy! Probably shivering half to death in the cold they're getting. Oh well... Tough times, tough shit. - My bowels are all screwed tonight. So much flatulence all day and even now. I don't understand it. Probably the “C”? What-ever. - Time to wrap this all up. Here's to hoping for sleep and waking on time tomorrow and... sadly, the pee-oh will be open as well, though I'm sure it will be late. Missy mustn't make it to New Russia “on time”... to be sure. Leave on time? Absolutely. But NEVER arrive! Hey... fewer hours of annoyance. (I'll have to shovel the front stoop for UPS at some point too. For them? Fine. I'd BETTER get my parcel from the bloody pee-oh!)
Tue.16.Feb: (QUITE THE DAY, THIS!) 7.47 Indeed. And here I sit, dressed, coffee at hand, at kitchen table. Just in from a smoke on the back gallery, 500gm of food added to yesterday's left-overs, and a quick sweep of the porch and stoop. I'll NOT shovel until I KNOW that nobody will come through to plough snow back into the walk. Like-wise, not clearing the front until the pee-oh has “gone for the day”. Eh? We did get snow last night. “Considerable”, but certainly not the “metres” as threatened. On the radio, I'm to understand that “Southern VT” got snow, then sleet, then snow and presently, we're in a “reprieve” with a touch more snow to follow before... what-ever. “Southern VT” is the Albany area. LOL... as it were. GOOD! Let THEM slide about. Me? I've no cause to leave the house today so all's just fine. - I heard the alarms this morning, stopped both, went back to snooze until about 7.00. Why I got up is, well... Had to open the curtains for Yonah! Yes, indeed. So up I got, put the kettle on. Yonah was up, off-perch. She scares me when I can't see her in the morning. But there she was, looking at the card-board that blocks the head-lights during the night. I opened the curtains and she took to the corner perch. She's coo'in at the moment. Radio on and on with the morning. - It's not cold out there this morning. That's a relief. - Me? Personally? A touch congested, this morning. And “stones” in the chest/stomach. This really isn't “lungs”. It truly is more the stomach. But no matter, it's uncomfortable. Just “uncomfortable”. “This too, shall pass.” (I hope... for just a while longer.) - And as for the rest of the day... pain the “nests”, perhaps some work on the “PO Sign”. I need more glue for the 3rd “balloon” but I doubt I'll be heading for that any time too soon. - I also need that dish for Yonah. The pump and tubing are due today. (We shall see how THAT turns out. I'm not “planning round it/them”, to be sure.) - For now... have coffee. Check the soc.meds. and météo, and roll with the time. As I say, thankfully, it's not “bitter cold”. That's a “gift”. - 8.43 Just in from the back gallery for a smoke and to chase the squirrels away from the FOOD! FIVE of them! And one REALLY DOMINANT one that just won't let the others NEAR! Not to mention, never mind, the birds! Anyway... Bozoboi comes out... Latest is: the girl's found work in Queensbury and “We're outta here in June. Get away from this bitch.” (Not sure if he means the house or the snow. “I'm through with this.” says he, about the snow. Oh well. Me? I'm looking but my heart will keep me here until Yonah's back with her flock. I WILL NOT MOVE HER! THIS IS WHERE SHE KNOWS, WHERE HER FLOCK IS. So? Here I am until... No, I don't mind. I brought her in to protect her, and THAT is what I WILL do until it's good for her to be back out in the elements... warm elements. - And so, seems John's been through once, at least, already. Not along the drive, but of course, out front. I've a bit of work ahead... but not until the shit-box next door is done. - 9.02 FUKKEROO DU JOUR! JUST OFF THE LINE WITH NYSEG... AND INDEED... 40$ TOWARD THE NEXT BILL!!! BECAUSE I PAID “TOO QUICKLY” LAST MONTH, AND *OVER-PAID*, (some-how), IT WAS JUST CONFIRMED THAT THEY HAD TO RE-ADJUST AND RE-CALC AND YES, INDEED, *CONFIRMED*... A *CREDIT* ON THE ACCOUNT! NO ELECTRIC BILL THIS MONTH. *AND* IT'S THEIR READING, NOT MINE! HOW? I DON'T KNOW. BUT THERE IT IS! AND TO THINK, I'VE BEEN NERVOUS ABOUT HAVING BUDGETED TOO LITTLE... FROM 200 TO 150! SO THERE'S 150 BACK INTO THE HOUSE-HOLD! BETTER THAN A “COVID RELIEF”! SO... THERE'S NUMBER 1. * NUMBER 2? SEAN WAS OUT FRONT WHILST I WAS ON THE LINE WITH NYSEG... THEY GOT A NEW SNOW-BLOWER AND HE JUST DID THE FRONT OF THE HOUSE! (I remember that guy in Fuklin who used to come by and do the main with his snow-blower and was thinking that folks here don't have one or won't do any-thing for the pee-oh... not that I blame them. And there we have it! THIS MORNING! IMAGINE THAT! AND NOW, ALVIN'S OUT THERE SHOVELLING THE PEE-OH STEPS! WELL... QUITE THE MORN! QUITE THE MORN, INDEED. I'm all out of sorts now... TOO MUCH KINDNESS FOR A DAY... TOO EARLY IN THE DAY! Ah... I've NO doubt that some-thing's about to come by to “compensate”. So we wait for the roof to collapse... or some-thing of the sort... to be sure. - AND... YONAH IS COO'ING. YEP... QUITE THE DAY. - 11.58 Ten minutes ago I came in FROM SHOVELLING... THE FRONT STOOP, THE BACK WALK *AND* A “PATH” SO I CAN GET OUT OF THE DRIVE! I STEPPED-OUT AT ABOUT 10.00! THERE! EXERCISE DU JOUR! FUCK! And as I shovelled out front, chatting with John (A?) and Nancy. And as I shovelled out back, Ms. Dipshit from the pee-oh came out to do a bit of shovelling for the “Transfer Box”. No acknowledgement of one-another from either side. Just as I prefer. Mean-while, out at the drive, there's a “wall” at the Hill end so high that a car can't see over it and I doubt the Town Clown will plough through it. I'm quite “happy” with the results. Bozoboi called itself “ploughing” this morning... didn't leave much room for me to pull into the drive and round the bend though. Fukkit. Arse-hole. No prob. I'll do what I must to make it easiest on me, to be sure. Fuktard. Honestly. (I wonder if its “fahdder” isn't a “Vermonter”. The off-spring has that mentality.) - MEAN-WHILE ELSE-TIME... spent this morning looking into opening the savings at Community. Spoke with “Darlene” who was a pure delight. Only trouble... I can't open the “Over 62” account on-line so I'll have to phone back... after “lunch”. Oh well... waited this long, no rush. - Now? Time for after-noon “meds”. I'm not hungry, but I AM SOAKED with SWEAT! We're AT ZERO! AND IT'S HOT... *HOT*, I SAY... *HOT!!!*. Supposed to reach FIVE... that's 5, and NO “minus”! HEAT-WAVE! Hopefully some of this shit will melt away before it freezes. No matter. I've worked this old body some-thing quite good this morning. My “stomach” is a mess, but the rest of me is... thus far... fine. (Perhaps TWO Naproxen before bed tonight... or one before the last one.) - YONAH'S POOL TUBING ARRIVED!!! THE PUMP COMES TONIGHT. IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE NICE WEATHER TOMORROW... I MIGHT TRY A WALMARDE FOR THE DISH! I AM EXCITED! I'D LOVE TO SEE HER SPLASHING ABOUT (even though it'll probably mean getting new curtains... but I don't care about that... as long as she's happy). - Now... to bread, butter, molasses, left-over coffee, vits. and... we'll see where this all goes... when it's “gone”. - 14.49 About an hour ago, I looked out the front door to see... A BLOODY LAKE accumulated at the front stoop! SO... I decided to go out and do “a little bit of work” to drain it. WELL! It's drained and draining and... AND... I'm JUST getting back in! Grabbed the spade and hacked the ice sheet to direct the water to Simonds Hill and, for a moment, it actually drained round the corner and across the road! But now, it's draining... and barely making it across the road. Not that I give a shit. And there's chunks of ice on the Hill... not that I have a shit to give for that either. And THEN... in the “warmth” (the porch thermo is reading almost 50F!), and it truly IS a BEAUTIFUL temperature right now... just nice a cool but warm enough for snow to melt, SO COMFY... I decided to clear another path to the cellar door. WELL! Being there, I had NO excuse NOT to go in and check the fuel... JUST AT 3/4 OF A TANK! WOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOO! (as Yonah would say)!!! NOT EVEN AT HALF! I AM DANCING (though one wouldn't know it to look). AMAZING! (I can't help but ask and wonder and question and puzzle and ponder... at how, given the opportunity, “Life” here, has always come through with the exact opposite of what almost EVERYTHING before was. Given the opportunity, even what appears to be the WORST, suddenly, for no apparent reason, comes round. I'm rather amazed... at every moment.) - Rang Community back. Can't get the “Seniors'” account on-line. Must go to a branch... closest branch... Enosburgh... I don't think so. I might just get a “regular”, but the minimum on that is 100... on the Seniors', it's 25. Oh well. I've no... no... NO, NO, NO, NO reason to go to VT and I will NOT MAKE one! And certainly not in THIS weather. Yes, I miss Hallie and Mimou, but I don't know that going there and then leaving again is fair to them now. It's been almost 2 years. AND, I've NO desire to see ANY of “them over there”. So... Maybe one day, if the border ever opens again, a drive-thru en route to Bedford or Sutton... until then... NOPE!. We shall see about opening the account or not. - So THAT has been the day... No painting of nests. No anything else. Just shovelling of snow. BUT... it's exercise... MUCH GREATLY NEEDED exercise. AND... NO “FAVOURS” FROM THE VILLAGERS. (Tom stopped as I was breaking ice out front... nice chat... briefly. And Nancy's husband was by. Stopped at the side of the house for a moment. I thought he was looking at Yonah. When he started rolling again, onto the main, his back tyres spun in the little slush at the corner! And he's got the same truck as I have! Jack just looked out the window and barked.) Anyway, I can't complain about the day's activities. Good exercise. Fresh air. Out-of-doors. Clear walks. Clear drive. NO ASSISTANCE. And all's done and well... until the next snow dump... toward the end of the week. But, if temperatures would continue to bounce as they did today... YONAH WILL BE BACK WITH THE FLOCK SOON! I HOPE. I ACTUALLY PRAY! - 16.18 Jason Hance just came by to look at the cellar shed. Said it's the house shifting but not to worry. Said the retaining wall for the shed needs to be “moved” but other-wise... he THANKED me for the work I did on the shed. Said the cellar looks 100 per-cent better than it's ever been! (Good words getting back to Mass. YAY!) So there's ANOTHER item I need not worry about. (I'd still like to get to some place where I have a yard and no neighbours attached.) So Yonah and I have a safe “HOME”! And I'm relieved. - 21.10 Passed the time now off to the shower, hope to sleep QUIETLY AND RESTFULLY through the night and wake in the morning REFRESHED AND READY TO GET TO THE STORE FOR YONAH'S “TCHVIMMING POOL”!
Wed.17.Feb: 8.17 There's no excuse. I didn't actually get up and out of bed until about 7.30, after getting up to open Yonah's curtains, put the kettle on, grabbing a few drags in the living-room and then going back for a “lie-down”. I woke at 5.00 but was so comfy that I didn't want to get out of the bed. And it's -15 this morning, though the skies are clear, the sun is coming up o'er the mountain. I just didn't want to get out of the bed. That's all. Well? Here I am... pondering the day, plotting the trip to get Yonah's “pool” and not really wanting to be bollocksed with the effort. But I shall. It's always like this before a trip: I just don't want to until it's done and upon the return, I'm glad I did. It's mostly because of this “masking” bull-shit. Mostly. But I know I can go, do, get back and ALL in WELL UNDER the time it used to take to WALK into town for a few groceries. And then there's the price of gas. THAT pisses me off because it's SO UN-necessary. Oh well. There are “things” in existence that, well, we just have to put up with. Stupid, retarded, insane are just a few. And so, coffee at hand, in from tossing some sand on the ice on the back stoop, breakfast for the birdies, finishing the smoke I started earlier... in the COLD... it's “on with the day”. I'll start painting the nests with the time at hand. I'll stay until the pee-oh closes. By then it should be -9. “Warmer”. (I still have to clean the truck. I left the snow on yesterday in case of freezing rain.) - Oh, and “feeling”? It's these glasses, some-how. I put them on and my head hits the ceiling. Can't see with them off. Can't breath with them on. Other-wise, it's just another morning. - 11.22 3 coats of black on 2 “nests”. Post checked... nothing... YAY! Now for noon vits. My bowels are “churny” but the sky is clear, the sun is brilliant. Yonah is soaking-in and soaking-up every bit she can. The morning is passed. And... I could go back to bed but won't.... There's travel ahead... and I dread it. - 12.27 and it's time to hit the road! - 22.24 MADE IT! TO AND FROM AND GAS TWICE! Walked out at 12.30... Walked back in at... 17.15!!! But, I have to admit that I didn't leave right away because there was snow on the truck and ICE ON THE SNOW! So it took a while to clean the truck off properly. Still... clear skies and sun-shine all the way and the trip up seemed to take MUCH less time than it usually does. I must be getting used to it. So... that said... First stop, Michael's to see about rocks. Ah... THE BLOODY RIVER ROCKS IN THE BAG... ***MADE IN FUCKING CHINA!!!*** RIVER ROCKS? CHINA? FUCK THAT! So I got a set of cheap... REALLY CHEAP brushes for the hornets' nests. 1,99$ for 8. REALLY CHEAP! But they'll do... I suppose. The little qunt at the cashe was the same one I'd dealt with once before... scrubbed the fucking place after the previous customer and stood back more than an arm's length from me... even behind her “plastic shield”. Moron! I got my brushes and left. - Next... PetShit... that place is a waste of space (as are most stores these days anyway). But I walked in, went to the “Bird” aisle to bump into... “Bubba”... from FamDoll! Buying a bird! We chatted about birds and parted ways. Imagine... all the way to Plattsburgh to bump into FamDoll. - Home Goods next, to browse for Yonah's “pool”. Browsed... Nothing... Off to Walmarde and THAT took ALL the rest of the time! Honestly. Merchandise all over the place and NOTHING, really. BUT I FOUND YONAH'S POOL... Pyrex! Made in the USA! (EVERY other fucking item I looked at is made in fucking CHINA! EVERY-THING! Fucking ANNOYING! PISSES ME OFF!) So I bought 2 because I can always use the extra glass container. Also, got TWO bottles of glue, larger than FamDoll, 40¢ more than FamDoll but worth the price. Also, broke down and got a wooden spoon. Olive wood... Made in Fucking China, but now I have a wooden spoon (which had better hold-up or I'll lose my temper). AND a “shelf lining” plastic to put on the bottom of the cage for a solid sheet and protection against the new “water feature”! (Made in India.) More “Aragan” shampoo for the shower (a smaller bottle that cost me the same as the larger, pump bottle I'd bought some months ago, but... I like it so...). And plastic shower-curtain rings (which I've installed and should have done when I first got here because they don't make the god-awful scraping noise that the other hooks make when I move the curtain... and yes, they're installed). I was EXHAUSTED by the time I got out of that store! I was going to get something to nosh on for the trip back but headed almost blindly, for the door! RELIEVED, when I got out! - Stewart's to fill the tank. GAS IS JUST STEADILY INCREASING! But $11 filled the tank and I was rolling down the Northway in due course. - “Liztown”... stopped at the market for ice cream, broccoli for Yonah and an orange for her and me... just the one. Not sure if she'll enjoy it so I'll try tomorrow. Mushroom soup (10 for 10... I got 5... I was completely out and... well... good to have in the house). 2 ice creams, veggies, a bit of beef (I'll try a “stew” come the next “storm” on Friday), and some other items (forgot the juice though). And... across the road to Stewart's to FILL the tank again... for another $8. BUT... THEIR gas is 2¢/gal MORE than Plattsburgh ***** AND IN TWO BLOODY-FUCKING DAYS HAS GONE UP 14¢/GALLON!!! I ONLY JUST GOT GAS ON THE 15TH!!! 14¢/GALLON IN TWO FUCKING DAYS! Good thing I didn't need more than the couple of gallons from the trip. BUT, I must say that I DO notice better consumption with the higher-priced gas, though the truck does run a touch “louder” on it. That old truck never did like the “Hi-Octane” but it doesn't have the ethanol in and I prefer it that way for the cold months. Come the warmer, I'll go back to the medium... which, at this rate, will probably be 10$/gallon. These fucking Dems. - Anyway... when I got back, OF FUCKING COURSE, I had to BACK into the drive-way because shit-bastard had the drive blocked! I'm tired of this bull-shit! REALLY! As I was backing in, Corey came up the Hill! He waved. I waved, parked and came into the house to Yonah... IMMEDIATELY! I SWEAR SHE CHEERED-UP WHEN SHE REALISED I WAS BACK! Poor little thing. She IS a “flocking” sort. But, she coo'ed, I coo'ed... I put “dinner” out for the birds out-side after saying “Hello” to her and threw the last of the “chicken and rice” into the oven to warm whilst putting today's “sundries” away. - Sat to “dine” at about 17.30 or so... “meal” was only just barely warmish. But... 18.00... done, save the washing-up. - And so... tomorrow... I'll HAVE to get to the river for some stones. I'll bring the little shovel because I'm sure they'll all be frozen, under the snow. MORE snow on Friday so I MUST get to them tomorrow! (I'm excited to see how this will work! And I HOPE Yonah will enjoy splashing in it!) - Nice to still have some money in the account as well. Glad I didn't piss away the 100 on the savings account... yet. - And, a few episodes of “Brit Stuff” since there are no more full series of the “stand-by's of yore”. Alas. - Now? Pondering a shower but that's doubtful. I'm MUCH later than I though I'd be able to stay up. I really am tired and if need, I'll just wash the linens for Friday night. If there's snow on Friday, the furnace will run and the sheets will dry in plenty of time. - So it was a “full” sort of day and I'm thrilled to have gotten Yonah's POOL! - Have had evening vits. and hot water and Yonah's been “to bed” from since 19.00. - Shitfuk next door has been “hammering” and thumping about now and again. Nothing too serious, but any noise from over there annoys me these days, especially since the place is in silence all the day and when the sun sets, the fuktard starts. Oh well... Time... I doubt I have all that much... I just don't like the annoyance it probably causes Yonah! - OK. No shower. I'm off to bed... NOW!
Thu.18.Feb: 8.54 because I didn't get out of bed until about7.30! And I've been in a quandary all the while, trying to figure Yonah's pool! It's -11° out there, which means the world is still frozen, rather solid, so going to the river for stones is folly. The radio announced temperature of 7° and my brain thought “Oh good... thaw.” Ah... “Fahrenheit”! SHIT! THAT just screws my brains round... when F. goes single-digit. (Talk about “converted”.) I need to figure how to get the in-take and out-put into the dish, with-out sacrificing the bathing space. And I still don't know how much pressure will be coming out of the out-put side. Rocks. Stones. “Glass rocks”. Can't use sand. And it pisses me off that “river rocks” come from “China”! OK. So there's a day ahead, but those pass so quickly! (And now... the pee-oh qunt has arrived and that sets me off.) And my brain seems to be “floating in my skull”. It's just “one of those mornings” when thoughts flutter like down-feathers in a tornado. Couldn't get river sand because of the ice, then the flood. Can't get the stones because of the snow and ice. Oh my! Well... must to keep thinking. And I need to get to FamDoll for smokes at some point. Thankfully, that “storm” in the forecast has become “snow”... tonight and tomorrow. Nothing “horrific”. Fine. But that doesn't help me through this matter. And Yonah's place NEEDS house-keeping! Well... can't say there's “nothing to think about” for the day. And here I sit, dressed and 2 coffee's done. My stomach is “off”, as usual. Oh well... this too shall pass. At least I slept through the night... not sufficiently to wake refreshed, though I was awake at 4.00... and went back to sleep, turned the alarms off... dumass that I am. Well... well... OK... not... moving along. - 13.45!!!
***** THE POOL IS INSTALLED!!! USING THE TINY PUMP WAS A LOT EASIER THAN I'D EXPECTED, THE PRESSURE IS QUITE IMPRESSIVE, FOR SUCH AN ABSOLUTELY SILENT AND TINY LITTLE BIT OF MACHINERY! AND IT TOOK SOME FIGURING, *** AND *** THE STONE I FOUND LAST YEAR, AT THE RIVER, THE FLAT ONE, FITS THE PURPOSE PERFECTLY SO THERE WAS NO NEED TO GO TO THE RIVER AND DIG IN THE ICE! ***** AND ***** WHILST I WORKED ON YONAH'S HOUSE... SHE “SUPERVISED” FROM “ABOVE”!!! SHE TOOK OFF AND OUT OF THE CAGE, FLEW ABOUT THE ROOM A BIT, NOT KNOCKING INTO ANYTHING AT ALL!!! FOR A WHILE, SHE WAS ON THE FLOOR UNDER THE TABLE BUT, I DIDN'T WANT SAND AND SUCH TO FALL ON HER SO I ENCOURAGED HER OUT AND SHE PERCHED ON THE ROD OVER THE 'STORAGE AREA' ALL THE WHILE I WORKED AT HER HOUSE!!! AND, I'VE GOTTEN TO LAY ON THE FLOOR BESIDE HER, ACTUALLY GOT TO STROKE HER BACK WHILST SHE WAS PERCHED ON THE CURTAIN ROD!!! AND SHE'S BACK AT HOME, WITH HER LITTLE “WATER FEATURE” RUNNING AND COO'ING AT ME AGAIN! I HAD TO TAKE ANOTHER STICK FROM THE BITS I'VE SAVED, TO GET HER TO PERCH ON IT SO THAT I COULD MOVE HER BACK HOME. BUT SHE WENT ALONG PERFECTLY FINE! SO NOW WE GET TO SEE IF SHE ENJOYS HER “POOL”. IF NOT? OH WELLL... AT LEAST WE TRIED. IF SO... SUPER!
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Fri.19.Feb: 7.55 I was wide awake at 4.00 this morning, and had all to do to get back to sleep as i tried to think of some little thing I could get up and do instead. Couldn't paint... the paints are in Yonah's room. And so, I tossed this way and that until... the alarms sounded and I turned them off and... went back to sleep! Well! There you have it. And then, at about 7.15 or so, I woke again and ever-so reluctantly got out of bed to begin the day... as tired as if I hadn't slept at all through the night. I swear, this old body re-starts the entire sleep cycle every time I wake an doze back off. And now... DEAR Yonah is up and about, her “fountain” is running nicely, radio and light on. She's in her “corner”, looking out on the light dusting of snow we got over-night. I've put food out for the little ones in the back, am dressed and having coffee. The morning is officially under-way. And for some reason, I seem to smell “stale” this morning. The house smells “stale” this morning. Under things are in the basin on the soak. (I'd considered doing the bed linens at 4.00... but then... no.) I wonder what the “stale” stench is this morning. Like old, wet house. Hmmm... Me? My nose? I scrub-showered last night before bed. I'm clean. Under-things are clean. Alas and oh well then. And as for the day? I should go get more food for out back. There was some-thing else I thought of as well but, at the moment, can't recall. I've had my morning smoke, vits. My stomach is “off”, as usual, but the rest of me... just wants to go back to bed. Oh... we'll see where this all gets to when it gets to it. I'll have to cook something for tonight. I have beef in the fridge. Beans in the cup-board. Veg in the freeze. Was thinking, when I got the beef, on making a sort of “chili”, with some rice. But beef lays in my gut and the beans give me gas. Still... And I may as well eat the beef because, with the cold-snap in Texas, I anticipate a drastic rise in beef prices soon. (This “new government” is going to try to kill us all off... to be sure.) OK, oh well, we shall see what we see when we see it... after a time. - On with the day. There are “nests” to paint and time with Yonah. YAY... Time with Yonah. THAT'S ALWAYS something pleasant. Bless her. - 14.36 Just in from a run to get food for the out-side flocks and that's all. Ordered more “Healthy Select” for Yonah before leaving and after having vits. - VERY light flocons falling. Nothing worth the thought. - Got the nests painted this morning and they do look quite nice. Brown, grey, black, white. Nice. A protective clear coat and the nests are DONE! - Bozoboi made a wash this morning as I snoozed and the ENTIRE BLOODY HOUSE SHOOK AGAIN! Honestly... “special ed” for using a washing machine? Well... it's gone now. No telling where or why or when it'll return but I over-heard it saying, this morning (I can hear it yell when I'm on the back gallery) that it was “getting clothes together”. A week-end with the “lady”? That would be delightful. - Oh well... and I still haven't begun tonight's food for me. Not in any rush either, I must say. But I'll have to get to it now, before another snooze. - Yonah's on her corner perch, all fluffed and snoozing too. Bless her. Such a LOVE! - And I'm “set” for the week-end now. (I'd like a drink but, just now, with the vits. no... not yet... “those days” are coming.) - 16.49 Soft, light snow falling. Yonah has had her evening nosh. I Hoovered and “Lysol-mopped” the kitchen floor. There's a soup-or-stew on the hob. Beef, LOTS of potatoes, “Italian Mix” veggies, extra broccoli because I had 2 containers in the freeze and another from what I got the other day at market. If broccoli has ANY value, I could be “over-loaded” if I were to eat all that I have. (I still have to wonder why it gave me the runs in VT... but then again, considering my general state of affairs there, I'm rather surprised I made it to HERE.) So the house smells of cooking, but an over-whelming scent of “floral Lysol” which is fine because, at least now, the place doesn't smell “stale”. - Got an extremely light “snooze” for about 20 minutes... half-snoozed for the while and mostly “awake” through it all. Just as well... I don't want to be AWAKE when it's time to get to bed tonight... not that it'll make any difference. - And so... 7 minutes to “meal”... the day is done. - There was a call to the 564 today... a “collection” agency. Today's post brought confirmation of the “ZERO BILL” and the CREDIT for NYSEG! And another “Please contact us” from the Liztown abattoir. Oh well. Can't have everything in order. I'll ponder it o'er the week-end... perhaps. - And so... Friday... another week gone. One more week of February and then... March! “Spring”... as if that really means anything. But closer to Yonah's freedom at any rate. Sweetness GLORIFIED, that she is. I really WILL miss her terribly... but probably not for very long. She leaves and I go off this “Mega C” regimen and we shall see what comes of that. It'll be 4 months of it. Surely it must have “killed” something... if not me. - 18.30 and the house is re-settled after meal. I ate the orange, gave Yonah some but she has no interest in it so it's gone. Ice cream waits... but I'm not even sure I want any, mostly because I'm upset:
*** MOMENTS AGO, A DARK PICK-UP CAME ROUND THE CORNER OFF THE HILL, RUMBLING *** LOUDLY *** AND PULLED INTO THE DRIVE AND IS NOW PARKED THERE, AT THE END OF THE WALK FOR NEXT DOOR. SHORTLY AFTER... *** BOOM! THE FRONT DOOR? FURNITURE? STUMBLING? WTAF? AND THE TRUCK IS STILL THERE, THOUGH IT'S GONE QUIET NEXT DOOR... FOR NOW. *** AGAIN... WTAF? BOZOBOI'S BEEN GONE FOR HOURS NOW. I DON'T LIKE THIS. LEAVE AND GIVE THE PLACE TO TRASH? TO BE SURE, IF THE TRUCK IS STILL THERE AND THERE'S NOISE DURING THE NIGHT, THERE WILL BE A CALL TO MASSACHUSETTES FIRST THING IN THE MORNING TOMORROW! I looked for a place again, earlier today. Saranac Lake. Lake Placid. A place in Champlain that's tiny, second storey, private entrance, but the “main room” is on the back of the house, there's a windowless room in the centre where the stairs come in, then the kitchen and bath on the front (or the main is on the front but, either way...), no photo of the loo. So I have to keep looking. Moving isn't so much the matter, other than I won't go until Yonah is back out and re-settled with her flock. But... I'M PISSED, BECAUSE I ANTICIPATE TROUBLE. FUCK!
Indeed... time to depart. I'll miss New Russia. I'll TERRIBLY MISS YONAH! I HAVE to think about this... and I don't like that either. - Anyway... the day is done, the week is done. Another quick shower tonight just because I want one. Tomorrow? Dealing with the 4 hours of pee-oh and then... then. Well? I wanted a little place in the Adirondacks... as usual... I get it, but... - Moving along... - 21.04 Not only did the truck in the drive depart just now, raucously as it arrived, it BACKED out! And I've cause to believe, it headed back up the Hill. Well? What's to follow is to be seen/heard/what-ever. But, damn, I couldn't go round to check because there's snow on the road! Anyway, I'm relieved that the truck didn't go through on the drive (which probably means Bozoboi's parked there... and I believe I hear “stirring”... yes... thump'n'stomp) because navigating that turn is hard enough for me in 4-wheel drive. Oh well... the night is almost over. Just watching some last video and... no shower... off to bed. I'm tired! - 21.48 Lights out...
Sat.20.Feb: 7.54 I used to get up in the morning, put the radio on (Valentine Ave... short-wave... Service du Québec Nordique... or WLIR), dance to the kitchen (if WLIR), put the kettle on and sing. On Valentine, I'd sit at table and write to mother, or find a multitude of things to pass the time until showering and readying to walk to the subway and go off to “The City” to work. At 232nd, it was radio then too, “Radio JIT”, the Spanish station, with more singing and a bit of dancing as well. These mornings of late, I begrudgingly toss the blankets aside, get up, almost rush to the kitchen to put the kettle on, hit the loo, then make the coffee and push through a myriad of little chores, “power-up” the lap-top, make the coffee, stuff vitamins down my throat, and of late, get morning seed for the birds out back, open Yonah's curtains, reluctantly get dressed, out the door for a smoke, and it's a veritable “rush hour” of attending to getting what I think of as “morning necessities” accomplished before the sudden “halt”... when the morning duties are complete, with-in about 30-45 minutes. There's an “urgency” in the mornings now, to shove as much as possible into as little time as possible to make sure the birds, out-side and in, are fed, and the house is as “together” as might be, save making the bed... just in case, at any particular moment, I simply collapse to the floor... dead, dead and gone. And all in silence. No radio. No music. No “news”. No short-wave. No “entertainment”. No “joy”. No “celebration”. Just silence... relatively... silence, as if I'm actually waiting for the grand collapse. I ponder activities to pass the hours to come, really with-out any anxious excitement. “Activities”... “to pass the hours to come”. And as I concoct more little chores, I look forward to completing them and yet, even as I plot and plan I ponder dropping down dead even in the middle of each one and assure my-self that not completing any of them makes no difference at all to the world, to any one in particular or general. “The house is in order. They can easily dispose of what-ever is in here.” and I go through, mentally, how things will “go”, be gotten rid of... to the curb, the tip, what-ever, and how, in precious little time, I will have never been here, never come here, just... never... ever... “been” at all. And this is what my time, days, mornings, after-noons, evenings and nights are all about now. - This morning, the water in Yonah's “pool” has been refreshed. I'd put water out last night to bring it to room temperature and to release any “gasses” that might be in it. The new bag of food for the flocks has been opened, some transferred to the “jug” and some put out with what was there from last night. Coffee is made. I've had my morning smoke. I'm dressed. Little “stuff” to pass the day is plotted (and I don't really care but will do it/them any-way). Coffee at hand. The radio is on for Yonah. There's sun-light in the sky this morning. I've “hacked” last night's settlements. I woke at 5.00 this morning, refreshed... and went back to sleep until the 7.00 alarm which I turned off and almost dozed again, almost but didn't. The pee-oh will be open again in short order. It annoys me. Thoughts of moving again, but not until Yonah is back out with her flock. I can't move US. Her familiars are here and here is where she must return. And the horror of thinking “She won't want to leave.” as Gina and Theresa have said. No, she needs to be with her flock, have her little ones, soar through the wilderness of these mountains. I “never happened”. - The night passed quietly, last. This morning I see Bozoboi's vehicle in the drive. But the place is calm... thus far. And in spite of almost 9 hours of me in bed through the night with 2 loo trips... I'm now tired again... and another day begins... and what it was will be when it's done... in a few hours... again. - It's the week-end... there... here it is, we have it... and I move along. - 12.58 THE HEAD IS PAPERED! THE PEE-OH IS CLOSED! NOTHING IN TODAY'S POST. TIME FOR MID-DAY VITS! And the world “settles”. I've actually done some-thing I wanted to do. Now? Ears have to be added to the head, as well as a bit of work on mouth and forehead. But, for now, it's dangling by the heat registre in the living-room and I'm... done with that much. The PO sign is really the next item. There's WORK to be done on that... but no rush. - 22.08 Over-did the Brits again. Poor Yonah... I kept her up late and she let me know too. She's been OK since I closed the door. Poor little one. I feel like a shit. - Sent an e-mail to Theresa of such length that I feel as if we'd talked. Odd, these people. They can sit and send e-mails, or, in the case of “others”, take the time to “text” but not the time to “dial” a number and talk. Oh well. No prob. - Anyway, vits. &c. taken. 2 hot waters. My intestines are “dribbling” as usual of late. Was going to shower. Nope. Maybe tomorrow I'll do the bed-sheets. It's almost about time I believe. - The “head” is dry already, being by the registre all day. It's oddly quite “thin”. But there's more work to be done on it anyway... ears, adjusting the nose, forehead, &c. Tomorrow's time with Yonah. - I need to compose a letter or something to the “abattoir” too. I don't want to “talk” with them, but... we'll see. And the rent has to go out on Wednesday. I wish Alden would present the cheque when received. Honestly! It can't be THAT much of an effort to get money. Must be nice not to actually need it. - OK. Enough of this then. Time to try for sleep. No pee-oh tomorrow... just 7.00 “curtain call”.... and water change in the “pond”.
Sun.21.Feb: 8.14 At table anyway... dressed... in from smoke on the front porch on a mostly clear and crisp mountain morn after a night of what I have reason to believe was “sleep” but, as usual, I could, in all likelihood, go right back to bed having not even bothered with the 7.00 alarm and turning off the 7.30 alarm, dozing and then getting up and out of bed, to pee, of course, which just set the “morning machinations” running and, well, here I am... slightly “heavy-chested” and plotting “busy stuff” for the rest of the day. Congested this morning as well. Some days are clear, others are congested. But the “head” is dry and ready for the “neck” and “details”. I'm just not “in the mood” for bowls of water and wet paper. But seriously... if I “allow”, I'd just sit in a semi-vegetated state until... just until. But Yonah's curtains are open, radio on, water changed in the “pool”. The right eye is still “cloudy”. It was bothering me last night as I tried to read... as if there's a 'flake” of some kind in it. Other-wise? Well, it's another “normal” morning. I'd considered washing the bed linens. I've re-considered this morning and... nope. Not today Josephine. So, with that... away we go... to... where-ever we'll be at “meal” time. Sunday... yep... Sunday. - 12.48 The neck and chin are done on the head. More work than I anticipated and much more weight as well. It's hanging in the “alcove/cubby”, dripping. - Mean-while, the sun is shining in on Yonah who basked as I worked at the table. My “Family”. And now... mid-day vits. A bit late but... And to be honest, today, I grow weary of this, especially considering the quantities of phlegm I'm hacking again. But... we have a “regimen” and we're sticking to it... for as long as is necessary. - The temperature out there is just warm enough to get the snows melting but still, the air is chilled. But February is almost done. March is on its way and with it, “Spring” and with that... Yonah's return to the flock. (I DO wonder how she's going to take to it... after a Winter of plentiful food, water, warmth and protection. The little LOVE.) - 16.44 “Meal” on the hob. Yonah's place is cleaned. The bits are removed from the pump-line, easier than I'd expected. I've had a “half-snooze” and... the day is done. The “head” is in the living-room by the registre and drying well on the out-side. I stuffed the “neck” a bit with the left-over paper and I'm sure that's going to take quite the while to dry completely. But I'm not really in any particular hurry at this point. I have 3 “hornets' nests” and the head. Done did something with the time. (I could go to bed right about now but... ) - Read some more on the “Mega C” and found a lengthy forum in which most of the “harm” was de-bugged. And there's a powder that, with one scoop, is 4g each. But at 50$ for about 10 days... I don't believe so. So, I'll stick to my regime as it is. As I say, I don't expect “cure”... just “control”. - Ah well, the sun is setting. Another day is closing... another week-end too. Tomorrow, back to the bull-shit. Alas. - But Yonah is here, warm and safe, fresh food and water, a clean little house. And the world is what it is... “out there”. - 21.17 Hot water and “tablets” done. House in order. Upper left tooth painful. Figures. Hopefully I can “fill” it and it'll be “OK”. (Life was going entirely too well.) Bozoboi is off to the Bozogurl and will, no doubt, be POUNDING back in at 22.30 or so. Meanwhile... off to a quick shower and to bed. It's to be -1 tomorrow... I'm HOPING to get some washing done! We shall see. - Yonah's been “in the dark” from since about 18.30... bless her... the LOVE!
Mon.22.Feb:6.13 THE LINENS ARE ON THE LINE. THE PILLOW-CASES ARE ON THE RACK. THE TABLE-CLOTH IS HANGING IN THE SHOWER AND I HAVE *NO* IDEA HOW I MANAGED TO GET IT ALL DONE... BY 6.00!!! Particularly because today is quite a rather “congested” sort of morning, “heavy” in the lungs, painful in the mouth (right up into the sinuses), and yes, I AM, already, weary. BUT... SOME-how, I DID wake, of my own, at 4.00, accidentally dozed until about 4.45 or so and in a “drear” of sorts, decided to GET UP, GET OUT OF BED, PEE, PUT THE KETTLE ON AND STRIP THE BED. Well, once that was all done, there was no alternative... fill the basins, linens in one, table-cloth in the other and just move forward, onward... move. And now? I heard a “rustle” from behind Yonah's door and so, she too, is awake. But the sun isn't bring light to the world just yet, so I'm having a coffee, typing this and soon, we'll get the morning done, I will, doubtless, be on the futon for a snooze and what-ever the day becomes... it shall become. The furnace is running. The “head” is under the bed with the open end against the registre there in the hopes it'll dry a bit better. The outer part is dry enough to paint but the inner bit will take a while... just too, as the linens will today, no doubt, as it's not expected to get to “freezing”. (I'm rather sure the “folks” think me insane, hanging on the line in this freeze. But hey! 'twas good enough in MTL, 'tis just as good in the ADK. - And now... now... weather-check, soc.med. check. Yonah's food's not due til Wednesday (that fucking “Select” shit... with the USPS, damnit!). If my body comes round, I might head to Westport or deal with the abattoir or something of the sort. “Might”. Right now, my head's not on correctly, sinuses and general daily bull-shit. What-ever will be... will be. Fukkit, you see. - (I should get these 15 pages on the lap-top to the servers as well... I suppose. And the Author and Dsgn domains come due next week.) - 9.06 OK... Morning done. Yonah's pool water changed. Soc.med. done. Fuktard in the back is banging on the walls. Fuktard in the pee-oh is banging on the walls. The trash is mobile. And Monday is under way. Me? I'm off to a snooze. The sheets are solid. Snow is coming again. My guts are twisted. My jaw hurts. Another day in Paradise. - 11.20 I actually slept for over an HOUR! On the futon, with odd little “half-dreams” of a sort, nothing that “stuck”, I just recall those “odd thoughts” that happen in the “hypnogogic” state. But HEY! The sheets are still frozen on the line, the table cloth is almost dry so “chores” were accomplished. And now, I DO believe, since there's a wind out there and the “flocons” are drifting down off the mountains, I'll “busy” myself with Yonah for a while... finish the painting on the “PO” sign. - Feeling “not quite just right” still. Sinuses. Teeth. “Off”. Can't help but think it has to do with all the “Mega C” at this point. But I'm NOT going to quit it... just yet. - Yonah got frightened by something, earlier this morning, and there were 2 drops of BLOOD again! But she appears to be OK at present. It tears my heart to pieces when she injures her-self in there. But she coo's at me when I go in so she's still “Friends”. - The morons next door left moments ago. At 11.06 there were 4 vehicles parked out there and quite the activity. Thankfully, they've all gone and the house is calm. - I really should put this onto the servers now, but I'm just not in the mood. “Mood”. What-ever. - Perhaps tomorrow I'll venture... market for juice and eggs in particular, Westport on a “perhaps”. I should compose a letter to the abattoir as well, I suppose. We shall see... I just don't have the capacity for caring, to be honest. - 16.52 Table re-set with clean cloth. The pillow cases are on the bed... dry. The sheets are on the rack in the living-room... dry and ready to be put back on the bed. “Meal” is in the pot on the hob warming. AND... THE LAST COAT OF BLACK PAINT IS ON THE PO SIGN AND THE “HEAD” HAS COLOUR ON IT AS WELL!!! INDEED! “PRODUCTIVE” SORT OF DAY... most of which was spent with... YONAH!!! - My tooth/teeth are still bothering me. But it seems more that I must have caused an abrasion up in the gum some-how. Sadly... NO tooth-ache stuff! Just the empty box! I COULD run to Kinney's but I don't want to this evening. So, I'll probably suffer through the night. And it's playing havoc with my sinuses. But... there we have it. Too bloody lazy to go... IN THE TRUCK... into “town”. OK. Fine. - And my chest is like CEMENT! I've been hacking little clots during the day, but the actual “pain” is more in the stomach-proper. One of “those” days when the vit.C is playing its own havoc. I just don't like hacking clots again. Thankfully, they're not that “dark green with the little specks”. Not that that probably makes any difference. - Oh well... “Meal” time... another day closes. - 19.36 FOUND ALMOST A WHOLE TUBE OF TOOTH-ACHE DROPS... IN TE GLASS WITH THE TOOTH-BRUSH! DAMNED FOOL IDIOT, ME! SO... The bed is made, fresh linens, with a touch of javel, delightful. The house is settled. Yonah is “seepie-nigh-night”. I'm on 2nd hot water and Brits to follow. Will be in shower by about 20.30 and then off to bed... WITH TOOTH-ACHE DROPS (which I HOPE will do the trick). It's that really badly broken tooth that's causing the trouble. And the “DenTemp” I'd put in last night has come out. No prob. I need the “ache” in there anyway. - Early night tonight at any rate. - Minus 3 for tonight's “low”... PLUS 2 for tomorrow's “high”! -14 on Thursday night and on Sunday, “threat” of PLUS 5! Rain and snow for tomorrow though. Oh well... I'll be heading into town at some point but that's fine. I need juice and such. - And the rent for March goes out tomorrow night. So there. There. - 21.47 Late to the shower. 0° out there at the moment! WARMTH! (How odd...)
Tue.23.Feb: 8.00 Well... lights went out before 23.00 last night, and I woke at 4.00 but stayed in the freshness of the linens until 6.00 when the left foot contracted and I had to pee so at 6.06 I was up and about and on the morning roll. And now, the rent cheque is ready to go, and at about 6.30, Avery came to deliver gas (52$, not too bad but, in the darkness...). I was washing the Sherpa (ICK! It TRULY NEEDED a good washing!) when I noticed a foul odour in the house! I heard the truck out there, in the darkness and looking out, “discovered” the “sneak attack”. Oh well. they'll wait until next week. I still have the “10 days grace”, and it isn't the 60, 70 or even 80$ that I'd been expecting. So the Sherpa is on the back gallery, on the rack, I'm dressed, have replied to an e-mail from Gina, sent at “2.51” this morning! (Somebody on the Twats has taken her ID and is “shit-posting”. She's quite upset. So I tried to “console” first thing this morning.) - It's -2° presently but after all the cold weather, it feels quite warm! - My “tooth/gum” is still sore this morning. The “drops” may have worked through the night but the abrasion is still there and drinking coffee is a bit of a bother. But, all things considered, it could be much worse. - The Town Clown was by this morning... there's NOTHING on the road in the way of ice or snow but, anything to appear busy... he did put down some sand so I suppose that makes the trip worth it? What-ever. - I've got the sneezes this morning. Must have something to do with dust in the wind because, with all this vit.C in the system, I doubt much else could survive. - And, of course, the stomach and bowels are “off” this morning. But, I suppose, the choices are simple: put up with this discomfort and do what can be done to “control” or stop it and deal with the possibility of leaving Yonah to the fates of those who obviously just don't give a shit. My “discomfort” is nothing. (And, reading “Out of the Whirlwind” puts my minor discomforts into perspective. I brought Yonah into the house to heal and be protected from frost-bite and needing to fend against the bitter cold... with the promise, to her and to me to protect her until she can be safe and sound against the weather. I made that promise. I'm keeping it!) - Meanwhile, Bozoboi is in residence... so I've heard this morning. And all too soon, the idiots will be gathering at the pee-oh. Yonah's food is in Plattsburgh this morning, due to arrive tomorrow (we'll see). And I'm pondering and considering a trip into town for tooth-ache stuff and some food. Although, at the moment, I need to refresh the water in Yonah's “pool”, I suddenly want a “snooze” before the bull-shit arrives next door. Up in the morning, move, move, move and suddenly, heavy fatigue. Well? Hell! I woke up this morning... and got some little things “accomplished”. A futon snooze it is... until. - Another day... another day. - 11.34 Another coat of a colour that closer resembles “flesh”, lips and eyes... the painting on the head is DONE! NO MORE! Next? Hair and then... no more working on that. I'm considering re-painting the first hornets' nest since the other 2 look more “natural”. “Considering”. But right now... it's time for mid-day vits. Today should be an “E” day but I'm out of it and since cutting it hasn't changed my stomach at all, looks like I'll head to Kinney's for more later. - It was a relatively quiet day with both morons at the pee-oh this morning. Sadly... no food for Yonah... in fact, nothing (again) in today's post. That's fine. I need to attend to other things... possibly a trip to Westport at 14.00, depending on how I fee and the weather. They're still talking about snow/rain mix. The sun today, is warm, the air is still chilled. We shall see. But for now, as fatigued as I am and stomach as “off” as it is, time to get more C in the system. I'm hacking little “clots” again today. Can't figure that out. It was doing so well for that while. But... the fatigue and such doesn't seem to be coming from the lungs. There's no particular pain there, nor any wheezing. Again, I've no doubt my digestive system is fucked from the “Mega C”. Oh well. - And my mouth is still sore. Having oat-meal for “lunch”. - And my face is showing the fatigue and pain too, today. THAT is what I hate most. It's nobody's business. - At least Yonah's eating today. I happened to walk into the room as she was eating. She's so comfy with me about that she just continued to eat! Now THERE'S THE HIGHEST COMPLIMENT A HEART COULD HAVE BESTOWED! MY LITTLE LOVE. - 15.44 Back from a brief town-run. Smokes and rice at FamDoll and a few laughs with Casey and Becky? No. OMG! I can't remember her name! My brain is toasted from fatigue and the rest of this shit with the stomach and chest and sinus and tooth! Tooth-ache stuff and more vit.E (why the Hell not?) at Kinney's. 8 chicken breasts, eggs, turnovers and cookies at Tops. They had absolutely NO ice cream! Girl at the cashe said their truck didn't come in yesterday. I wonder why... With shit these days, there's no telling. I joked about another “panic shopping” item. We giggled and I was OUT! Got back, cleaned and wrapped the chicken. Tidied the house. Tried to phone Gina but no answer. Oh well. It wasn't meant to be I suppose. And now, I'm going to “entertain” myself by repainting the first hornets' nest in browns. - Yonah is having a snack so I don't want to disturb her. - Feeling a touch on the shitty side. Sinuses, for the most part. A bit of “heaviness” in the chest. - It's been about 5° out there today. (It didn't dry the Sherpa though.) - I had to cut the thermostat in the house down to 62F because it kept running this morning! Warmer day and the damned thing kept kicking! I can't figure that out. Oh well... the heater is on in Yonah's room... just in case. - Tonight's chicken in the oven with 2 potatoes. The chicken was still rather “frozed” in the centre so it'll take a while longer. Fine. I don't really feel like eating anyway, to be honest. But... another 2 months, minimum and then... what-ever. - 22.11 No shower. Off to bed. Finished another series of Brits. - Pondered a trip to “G's” come the weather. Took a look at the route on Gglmap: 87 to 84 to “747”... BLOODY FUCKING DRURY LANE! 4 LANES FUCKNG WIDE!!! NOT A SIGN OF WHERE I'D SLEPT IN THE BACK OF THE VW! Got fucking-well depressed over that. Anyway... - Yonah's been “sleeping” all evening. Sweetest Heart! - Snow's been crashing off the roof of the house. - Pluses of 1 and 2 to come during the week. Freezing rain tonight. - I ate too much sugar between turnovers and cookies. Had the vits and naproxen though. - Rent cheque for March in the post box. - Sherpa still drenched. - Last smoke and off to bed. - PS: the tooth-ache/gum pain is all but gone. And shitbrain next door is thumping about. - I'm tired.
Wed.24.Feb: 7.41 I'd been where I was, though I'm not sure where it was that I was at the time, in “my” own place or “staying with”, but it was more like “my” place, this place, here, in NR... well, the fridge was this one that I have here, even as I type. I know because what was in the freezer was identical to what IS in the freezer even now. It was a “regular” evening, all was just non-remarkable. I went to the freezer to take something out for “meal” only to find that the freezer was completely EMPTY! Some-how I knew... MOTHER AND SISTER had removed EVERY bit of food in there AND from the fridge as well! The “possession” of the flat was actually theirs, or one or the other, and though I'd been paying rent on it for quite some time, apparently, they wanted me OUT... IMMEDIATELY! There really was no reason, none obvious at any rate. All was, up to the point, fine. I'd been living there, alone, for quite some time already and had had no interactions with either of them, neither good nor bad... none. But and so, instead of saying something, anything about wanting be to leave, mother just came and removed ALL of my food. I understood that the cup-boards were empty as well, though I hadn't looked into them. I was devastated! Sick from angst and anxiety! I had no food and no place to go to and couldn't afford to move to any-where else! They both (all) knew it and now, I had nothing to eat... they'd cleaned me out absolutely and completely! And neither of them were in the flat at the time (since they both lived quite some distance away anyway). Exasperated, I went to the living-room and laid on the sofa, pulled a duvet of sorts up to my neck and was about to have a snooze when mother came into the room. I rather feigned sleep, not wanting to confront her at the moment. As she passed, she “brushed” the duvet with her hand and I reached up and grabbed it, in anger now. She stopped, looked at me with a “questioning” look, almost sympathetic. I GLARED into her eyes and yelled
“HOW DARE YOU? HOW THE VERY FUCK DARE YOU? WHO OR WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?”
Softly, she asked “What's the matter? What happened?”
“Oh... pull that shit AGAIN, and you think I'm THAT stupid that I don't know? You've got a fucking HELL of a LOT of fucking NERVE!”
Her look softened all the more and she did her best to appear to have no idea what upset me so much and to appear to actually be concerned, to care. But I continued...
“You're fucking pulling your bull-shit AGAIN! You two took ALL of my FOOD! What did you do with it? Throw it into the garbage so it can't be eaten? Throw it into the yard? Out onto the street? I KNOW you didn't keep it for your-selves! ALL OF IT! Even the little bags of beans I managed to get from the garden! The freezer is EMPTY!”
She took a breath to say something but I didn't leave a space of silence...
“It's ALWAYS been this way. ALWAYS! Even from the second I was born! Maybe even from conception! You've hated me, HATED me with such a deep hatred. You've been trying, ALL of my life, to get rid of me, some-how, one way or another! You've thrown me out of the house even before I was old enough to fend for my-self! You threw me out before I was of 'legal age' to be out on my own! THEN, you cleaned me out of EVERYTHING I had, furniture and ALL! NONE of that was 'good enough' for you! (And the “you” was plural because I was referring to mother and sister.) You fucking ENJOY throwing me around and out! Fucking HATEFUL, BOTH OF YOU! Just nothing but fucking HATE! That's ALL either of you is. Pure HATE and nothing else! And NOW, you have NO fucking reason, right or justification for pulling THIS bull-shit! Just walk in and throw EVERY bit of food I have out! It's ALWAYS been this way. ALL of my life! Just throw me out, push me out, shove me out! I'm not in your life! I haven't been in your life for YEARS! I've NEVER really been in your life! But you have so much HATE that you go out of your way to make MY life a living HELL! And now you stand there, trying to look like you don't have ANY idea what I'm talking about! Fucking HATE! Fucking HATEFUL! Who or WHAT the actual fuck to you think you are?”
I woke out of this... I was still on the futon... a quick glance at the clock in the loo where I went because I had to pee... 3.00! It had been a HORRID night! I was in bed and lights out by about 23.00 or shortly after. At about 0.30 I was up, in the loo... GOD-AWFUL THIGH MUSCLE CONTRACTIONS IN BOTH LEGS! The kind that make standing almost impossible! I'd felt the beginnings of a contraction in the left foot and gotten up to put the socks on but AS I put them on, the thighs went! I managed to get up, walk about the house a bit and in spite of the pain, gotten back into bed. Moments later, the contractions returned. I decided to TRY to lay on the futon because I can “snooze” there during the day, painlessly. Maybe the futon supported my back better? I don't know. Anyway, I gave it a try and, apparently, it did work well-enough. I DID, finally, fall back to sleep... for a few hours, only to be rudely awakened by THIS fucking night-mare that came for ... WHAT REASON? WHAT'S IN MY HEAD NOW? OR WHAT'S COMING (if it's some sort of premonitory message)? “Stolen food”? Being thrown out? Or... did seeing “Drury Lane” before going to bed, jolt some-thing out of the “darkest” part of my unconscious and SHOVE it into my dream? What-ever... between the contractions and THAT... it was another HORRIFIC NIGHT! So, I got up at 3.00, in my robe. with the back brace and sweat-pants and socks on, under the sleeping bag... went to the loo and decided to try getting back into bed. And there I DID manage to get back to sleep until the 6.00 alarm... the 6.30 alarm... the 7.00 alarm... and I'd STILL be in bed had I not heard the “call” from the next room... time to open the curtains. I'll NEVER begrudge Yonah for ANY-thing! So I got up, stopped to put the kettle on, to the loo and to to the curtains and the gentle “greeting” of the little “HOO...” This morning had commenced. And now, at 8.19, I'm dressed, have opened the curtains, had morning coffee with “meds”, gone out to shovel the back walk because, through the night, the snow from the roof had fallen (and there's MUCH MORE to come at some point) in the “warmth” we're having (for the next couple of days). This morning, already, the flock of doves have been to breakfast. There's MUCH left out there from yesterday because they didn't come back for what I'd put out. But at least they have and that's part of my most important concerns. Had to “toy with” Yonah's “pool” this morning but it's up and running, and she's on her “day perch”, longing, I've no doubt, to be with the rest. Well? HOPEFULLY, we'll get a delightfully early actual-Spring after some truly impressive BITTER-COLD this Winter. I still have to figure and make a way to put her cage out on the back gallery for her. (Finances coming don't look “promising” but some-thing else will have to wait.) Meanwhile... what today brings... considering the night-mare... is making me anxious... nervous. - Yonah's food is due to arrive today as well. Oh... and the rent cheque for March is in the blue box from since last night so that's on it's way. And me? I can “feel the fatigue” waiting to hit, from a restless night. What comes today will come, no matter what I do... (Reading “Whirlwind” gives me both anxieties, since I'm noticing the resemblances between the Nazis and today's Lib/Dems, and courage, since indeed, concentration camps, round-ups, starvation, abuses... having a life-time ripped away... certainly not to the extent of the camps but...) - Time to move along. The shit-sisters will be next-door in short order. - 11.37 Yonah's food has arrived! - Sadly, her sun-shine is now being stifled by the clouds. - Oat-meal is “soaking” for mid-day meds. - The only “accomplishment” of the morning is an e-mail to Theresa. - I'm “feeling”... well, one of the “better” days, as it were. But it's chilled and damp. 'tis the season of “chill damp”. - Avery sent an “invoice” for the recent propane delivery with a “balance” of 4,61 from something. I'm growing pissed-off with them and their “magical mystery book-keeping”. They claim to have on-line payment now. I've seen but will hold until Wednesday-week and then will pay the current bill with the “10-day discount” and they can shove their “previous balance”. Yes, I should and will see about another company. Shame that “Gordon” has gone “inter-state”. Joan had them for her oil. I'll have to “research”. - Other-wise... the fracas at the pee-oh is done. There was a LOT of “screeching” in there this morning. I look forward to getting away from that as well. Alden will just have to deal with what-ever he and this town are accustomed to. But rent is paid through April now... I wish the government would get off their lazy arses, send the money so that I can catch back up and go on with my own life. - Medical bills to be dealt with as well but I'm in no rush. Not to mention, 12 in the account and I'm NOT going to touch that until the rest is current. Fukkem! Fukkemall! - Now... to roll with the rest of the day. - 15.45 Just in from clearing the back walk again (and will have to do it yet, again, because there's still snow on the roof, oh well). And then moved to the front to chop more ice and shovel the snow from the front of the porch. - Dan stopped by to chat for a brief while. Always a bit of “nice”. Ed Martin came for his post and we talked, briefly. And then... Alvin put himself out to come over to comment about “violating the law” about tossing snow onto the state road. I replied “That's the state. That's the county and the county sees no problem ploughing ice and snow onto my porch and blocking my cellar access so I see no problem in returning it to where it came from.” Then we got into the issue of snow on vehicles and according to him, that law still exists, though few acknowledge or follow it. That went into travel, which went into gas prices and HE DEFENDED BIDEN SO THAT'S CONFIRMED... THE SHIT-BAG VOTED FOR THAT DREG! Well? Should it ever come to another “Civil War”... I say no more. - Before I went out, I tried Gina's number again. No answer. I won't try again. - And the re-painting of the eyes on the “head” is done... DONE... DONE!!! And I painted some hemp cord for eye-brows, moustache and beard and that's dry enough to put on.... when I get around to it. - Fukboi is in... I saw it arrive and now I hear it making its presence known. - And so, I've gotten my “fresh air” and exercise. - OH, ALVIN GOT HIS SECOND “VACCINE” AND CLAIMS NO “UNTOWARD” REACTIONS. BUT... HIS PALOUR IS THE STRANGEST “DARK GREY-GREEN”! NOT AT ALL HEALTHY-LOOKING! Oh well... I asked “So what does that entitle you to now.” and he laughingly replied “I can breathe on people.” Well... “time” will tell. When I think: that taught children. Frightening. - 15.57 Tonight's “meal”, last-night's “overs”, is in the toaster-oven. Another day has passed. - OH... the oil is still above the HALF! About 1/8 over! That's a comfort. We should make it through February before hitting the “half”! YAY! - 21.30 Was thinking of a quick shower before bed and now, I'm finished with hot waters and pills, 3 episodes of another “new” (to me) Brit that I'm really not getting into but it's something to pass the time waiting for the pills to settle. Have finished the package of cookies I'd gotten only yesterday. I wonder if “Chips Ahoy” don't have something to do with last night's “contractions”. - Damp as Hell out there tonight. Was supposed to be raining but isn't. - Well, the 2 “fillings” I'd put in a couple of evenings ago, for the “ache” are now both out. Cheap shit. Oh well... at lest there's no pain (yet). - Two e-mails from Theresa today. Very nice. But nobody wants to “talk” any more. Oh well. - The middle finger on the right had split last night... OK. There's the pain. Not complaining, just mentioning. - Nothing on the agenda for tomorrow. Imagine that. No doubt the day will pass. - Yonah's been “seepie-nigh-night” from since about 19.30 and quiet all night. Precious little love. - Well... we'll see about a shower but I doubt it. I'll just get to bed and hope for a night of SLEEP! - The furnace was up to 68F today because of the dampness. Yonah's radiator on too. - OH! I HAD TO TAKE HER “POOL” OUT THIS EVENING TO CLEAN IT AND AT ONE POINT, I HAD TO LEAVE THE ROOM TO WASH IT. WELL... WHEN I GOT BACK INTO THE ROOM, I'D FORGOTTEN TO CLOSE THE LITTLE GATE AND SHE WAS STANDING THERE, AT IT, STARING AT IT AS IF TRYING TO DECIDE WHETHER OR NOT TO “MAKE A MOVE”! I ACTUALLY LAUGHED SO WONDERFULLY! AND WHEN I WALKED IN, IT WAS AS IF SHE NOTICED THAT I'D CAUGHT HER CONSIDERING! OH! IT WAS SO FUNNY! I'm going to miss her when she goes. But, my heart will be glad that she made it over her injuries and has been well-fed, nourished, loved... LOVED. - Time to get to bed... Why? Simply because it is.
Thu.25.Feb: 8.44 ANOTHER NIGHT OF HELL!!! I was IN bed at about 21.45, read quite a bit and wanted to read more but thought it better to try for sleep at almost 23.00. WELL! At what must have been round and about 1.00... THE FOOT! The right foot! As it began the contractions, it woke me. I tried to ignore it, thinking of building the stand for Yonah on the back gallery, and as I thought, the contraction moved up-ward on the leg. I gave in, gave up, got up, put on the socks, the sweats and AS I put the right sock on, the RIGHT THIGH CONTRACTED! So... a brief walk-about and back into bed. JUST as I was getting comfortable again... the contractions returned! Toes, feet, calves...!!! FUCK! I got up, and, angrily, went to the living-room and onto the futon where I was a little more comfortable, though the contractions continued, a bit easier but... At 3.00, I was up again, PISS-ANGRY this time! Went to pee as the right thigh contracted. Noticed that pee'ing was a touch difficult with the contractions but managed. And... back to the futon where, I don't recall falling asleep but I did. At about 7.00, I was awakened by the sound of Yonah “calling”. It truly IS a beautiful way to wake, but I obviously didn't get any “rest” through the night. I got up, put the kettle on, had a pee, opened Yonah's curtians and as the water boiled for morning coffee, we chatted a bit. There's a touch of sun this morning, so that helps my heart and makes the morning worth being awake and alive for. Yonah will have SUN-LIGHT this morning! The only thing finer would be WARMTH... AND HER BEING WITH HER FLOCK. But, as usual, I ask for too much. Well? At least she has food, warmth, shelter, protection here, again, today. I'll accept that much. My chest was the usual: heavy, a bit “gritty”... the warmth of morning coffee lightened that and I managed to get the coffee made and morning pills swallowed. And then, even before morning quick-smoke, got to making the beard/moustache for the head. Glue on plastic wrap, cut the hemp to lengths, laid them out on the glue and then... out for the quick smoke on the front porch because, on the back walk, the “flock” was gathered. Before smoke, even before dressing, I put out more seed and, as they will, the flock dispersed. (Two returned... two males, I believe... accompanied by the jays. But there's plenty for all out there this morning. They shouldn't go hungry, and that's my major concern.) - It's breezy out there, this morning. There's a “haze” on the mountains. Looks like light snow. But the skies are bright, the sun is risen over the Eastern hills and it's -3/-9° with -1/-6° for the day's “high” today. (-13/-15° tonight... but warmer to follow... still, that -15 pisses me off but... it IS still only February... my patience with this cold is wearing extremely thin. I have clear-coats to apply to things AND, MOST IMPORTANT... THERE'S A LITTLE LADY HERE WHO SHOULD BE RE-UNITED WITH HER “FOLKS”!!! In her e-mail of yesterday, Theresa says she's concerned about Yonah leaving and the effect it will have on me. She suggests I get another bird to keep me company. Me? Well, I prefer having no “other” life as a responsibility, and I don't welcome the pain of it leaving. I will NOT “buy” an animal! I will NOT participate in a “demand” that will promote the selling of a life! That entire process should be brought to an immediate halt! Humans are shit! Really. “Slavery” is bad... unless it's a life they don't care about. Fukshits! The lot... the ENTIRE lot! I NEVER liked the notion of “selling” little critters, even if they ARE “born and raised” in captivity. But these days, it sickens me to the core. Utter bull-shit! No wonder humanity is tortured with wars, plagues and the likes. It's deserved, that's what it is!) Anyway, as I type, at 9.08, second coffee waits, the qunts next door are in “screech mode”, door-slamming ... TRASH. Yonah's place needs house-keeping. I've been to the loo and feeling “lighter” for it. (Odd, how a BM has such and effect. I'm almost rather convinced that the current “discomfort” is more the stomach than much else... save the contractions which, well, Theresa suffers as well and even HER “medical team” suggest all sorts of spinal surgeries... and she, as me, will have NONE of it! Still, a BM does help alleviate SOME of a day's discomfort.) I'm really quite rather fatigued and considering heading back to the futon for a while, in spite of the actuality of the inconvenience and disturbance of the bull-shit of the trash-qunts next door. I've a bit of soc.med. to browse with coffee and will decide on the “snooze” after. For now... 'tis another day... there are bills waiting to be paid, no money to address any of them. I don't care, can't care, won't try to care. Yonah has food and water and safety. The flocks out-side have nourishment. “People” can jolly well go slash themselves. And me? Well... I have shelter from the elements... at the very least through April. So there we have it. Another day. (As Yonah coo's, with that little emphasis that she puts on it some-times that almost sounds “scolding”... when I don't reply...) Another day. (We're “chatting” as I type... My “life” is complete.) - 16.37 Water on the hob for tonight's pasta (because that's what's on the menu for today's meal). And, in other “accomplishments” for this day... THE HEAD IS DONE AND UNDER THE HAT! WITH BEARD, MOUSTACHE AND EYE-BROWS! Stuffed into the “Howid Beach” boot. And DONE! And a TWO-HOUR SNOOZE! And I didn't want to wake from THAT either, to be honest. It was supposed to be a 30-minute! And I could just go to bed even now! And... Yonah's place got a “quick change” at the “food-side” of her house. I didn't want to disturb her any more than necessary so the “poop” is gone... fresh food and grit have been served and a fresh batch of food has been mixed for future. Wild, domestic, “moulting mix” and Niger. WOOHOO! “Gourmet”! A full change is due soon, but this evening, I'm still “under last night”, to be honest. I'm quite surprised I got that “head” done! Oh, of a note: I stuck the “Van Dyke” on with straight pins, in the kitchen, expecting “BOOM” from the balloon. Nope. The balloon just sort of shrivelled inside, with a crackling sound. Quite civil, I must say. Anyway, that's the day... this sunny, breezy, rather cold day. (Tonight promises a return to “normal”... fuck.) - And... as I told Dan only yesterday, as we chatted as I chopped the ice out front... Alvin was here, today, at 15.00... pounding away at the ice in front of the pee-oh, as if he has any sort of vested interest in it. Fuktard. But I see that Ms. Vivian returned from where-ever she'd run away to this morning and that's when her simple-minded mate heads for the out-of-doors. Ah well... eh bin... that's that. - Pasta and veggies are in the pot. Meal to follow. Hot water to follow. Pills to accompany and to follow. And back to bed... with pain to follow... no doubt. Another day passes. Another day. - 21.32 Yonah's been “in” from since 19.15. I've been passing the time with a Brit I'm not really fond of. Have had my 3 waters, pills and a run to the loo. And now... I'm off to last smoke and yes, a shower. The shower because I'm hoping it'll help with sleep tonight. - It's gone cold out. The furnace just kicked. Well? It's still February. - Tomorrow... a quick trip to the market. (I might have to “juggle a budget some-how as well... though I probably shouldn't because THIS would probably be the month the rent is presented on the 1st. It's happened once before. So? So... Things will be tight til Wednesday. It's smokes anyway. We'll see. - Meanwhile, I'm tired. Don't really want a shower but I DO want a night's sleep.
Fri.26.Feb: 7.30 SLEPT! Lights out at 23.00. One “break” at 0.30 to pee and... SLEPT! Right through until 6.30, “dozed” until 6.40 and THEN got out of bed! SLEPT! (Maybe the shower was the “magic”. But what-ever it was, I SLEPT!) - Minus 7° out there this some-what over-cast morn. Yonah was up when I got up so I opened the curtains, put the radio and “pool” on and she “greeted the morning” a bit. I put the under-things in the basin to soak, had first coffee and pills, got dressed, tossed fresh seed on the back walk and had morning smoke and now... well... today I'm going to put the bracket for the PO sign together, get the “hard-ware” on, at the very least. It's the one item remaining on the “little projects”. IF we get a warm day on the week-end, I can start the “clear coats” on the sign and the paint on the bracket. THEN... when funds permit, start the contraption for Yonah's Spring home on the porch. I suppose it's nice to have “some-thing to do”. And at some point during today, a quick run for a pack of smokes (to hopefully carry me to Wednesday-week), and ice cream and night-snack at markets. (THAT, I dread!) - Other-wise... it's another day that will be what it was when it's done. And a “week-end” commences... as if that means any-thing at all, at all. - Coffee and soc.med. and shit-checks now. The time will roll along... and so too, shall I. - And Yonah is cooo'ing, She's a JOY to hear in the morning. Other birds “chirp”... she coo's. Hey! At least she's comfortable enough to coo now. AND she's not “as afraid” of me as she once was. That's comforting to me as well. She doesn't have a “hate” toward me. That's the most important bit. - I also MUST get these 21 pages to the servers! “Image sorting” today! - 14.59 Took a snooze earlier and when I woke, changed the colour of the eyes on the “head” to brown. Why? Because. Better? Yeah. Then, had my oat-meal and mid-day pills and THEN decided to RUN to town for smokes (leaving me with 66 cents) and a few items at the market. Well... as much as I HATE going out any more, as I tried to pull out of the parking space (facing the fucking fence), some fat little old in-breed comes into the lot AND INSTEAD OF GIVING ME ROOM TO PULL OUT... THE FUCKTARD PULLS CLOSER SO I HAD TO BACK UP AGAIN, INTO A PARKING SPACE AND BARELY MADE IT OUT! Honestly! Bad enough the trip to market pisses me off. THEN, I COME BACK AND THE IN-BREEDS NEXT DOOR... SHE was here when I left and whilst I was out, HE CAME BACK AND NOW I CAN'T SIMPLY PULL INTO THE DRIVE! I HAD TO BACK IN! AND GOT STUCK ON THE ICE! I'm SHOT! Fed-the-right-fuck up! TWO more months... Yonah will have returned to the flock and I can toddle off... even to the “flats” of the border if that's how it's to be. Shit-show says “they” want to move in June... NO telling WHAT the fuck to expect from “THAT” nor of what's to follow. What I NEED, is a place AWAY from “others”. I can't stand or tolerate morons any longer. My patience is GONE! It's reminding me TOO MUCH of the Shelter and HAVING to constantly fight, in some way or another, simply for personal survival... not stepping on toes or punching faces. Well... as I say, patience is SHOT TO SHIT! It's NOT going to be “pretty” any longer. And being in a place connected to a “Day Care for Autistic Pre-pubescent girls” (a.k.a. the “Post Office”)... well... just well. - OK. Franks for meal tonight. Veggies too, of course. (I ought to be so fucking healthy but... ) That's what I've decided. I can put chicken and rice together tomorrow and bake some bread. - Right now, I'm so disgusted with the world, I want to snooze again. “Friday”. If this old body could stand it and I could afford it, I'd look forward to getting shit-skulled drunk tonight. (But it's probably best that I don't anyway... no telling who I might “eliminate”.) - The WORLD OWES YONAH ETERNAL GRATITUDE! With-out her, things would be intolerable... and I'd make extra effort to ensure that.
16.46 THE SUN IS SETTING TO THE NORTH OF THE BRADLEY/BRADY HOUSE!
And I'm just up from an “ESCAPE NAP” of almost 45 minutes, franks and veggies on the hob. And I stepped out for a smoke just as Alvin came shuffling up the Hill. We chatted... he mentioned “Day-light Savings” in about 2 weeks and toddled away... thankfully. And me and my “mood”? Still shitty. Alas. Oh... fukkit. Tomorrow I'll cook and bake and make an egg for Yonah. And maybe I'll be in a better mood. No promises... just a maybe. - 20.13 The day is done. On trying to put this all to the servers I noticed that I'd some-how managed to “meld” the 14th into the 13th of the month and am only just now repairing the lap-top version before putting the text onto the servers before getting to the shower and bed tonight. Not sure WHY I want to get this on tonight. But... - Meanwhile... HAVING ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE “OCULAR MIGRAINES” IN THE RIGHT EYE (haven't had one of those in a while) AND IT'S SPINNING MY HEAD AND TURNING MY STOMACH. JOLLY! If one thing doesn't go wrong, another will. - Anyway... franks for meal, ice cream after and now, hot water and PopTarts with pills. Running later than I'd like... first water only just now, but... I'll be in the shower by 21.30 latest and into bed by 22.00 AND HOPING FOR FUCKING SLEEP! Tomorrow is “extended pee-oh”... damn it, damn them... just damn. Work on the sign is in the “Let's get the fuck busy” list for the day. Assembling the bracket and installing some hardware. If it's warm enough, I'll get the clear-coat on the sign! IF... -20.24 All text on the servers... tomorrow... images. Now? To pass the time as the pills “pass” and then more water and a shower and... BED! - Yonah's been in her room from since about 19.30... and so quiet! TONIGHT, AGAIN, AS I HAD MEAL AND DID THE WASHING-UP, SHE AND I CHATTED!!! SHE'S MY “LIFE”... LITERALLY. AND I DO LOVE HER SO VERY MUCH!!! - 22.37 Too many episodes of a re-watch of “Monday Monday” which I still like but... this late is LATE! Still... showering! I've had to put up with “thumpang” at 21.00 so fukkit! And when next opportunity to “chat with Alden” we'll see how it goes... - Meanwhile... I'm off to the shower. Tomorrow? Will take care of itself. And I will attend to my little bit of Serenity... Yonah. House-keeping and time together. (It's supposed to snow again... breaks my heart... I SO WANT AN EARLY, WARM SPRING FOR HER!)
Sat.27.Feb: 7.47 I SLEPT! SLEPT RIGHT THROUGH! NOT EVEN A PEE-BREAK! I SLEPT! THE WHOLE NIGHT! AND NO DREAMS! NO NIGHT-MARES! SLEPT! And I could go right back to bed now, after having coffee and pills, opening Yonah's curtains, radio on softly, and out to feed the flocks and have a smoke on the back gallery... *** IN THE SNOW ***. Yes, “snow”. It IS snowing. But, thankfully, it's “warm” out there, no winds, quite rather nice. But I could go right back to sleep. I'm just “too rested”, I suppose. Oh well. One thing, I DO wish this kitchen had a larger window, or more windows or some way to bring more light in. (And Yonah is “calling”. Yes, little Love is up and awake and has had breakfast... “our” day has begun.) The flocks have been and have departed. Saturday... “Shabbat”. Soon to be destroyed by the “invasion” of the “Autistic Sisters of the Postal Service”. Alas. Alas. Let's enjoy the peace whilst 'tis present. And then? And then... indeed. - 22.51 The day is done. I'm done with 3 episodes of “Monday Monday”. Got lost in sorting through images and pills were at 21.00! So here I am. - Managed to scrape snow and ice off the back walk today. The sun came at 15.00 as I was snoozing again. Did a bit of that today. Alvin came by and we talked about photo-manipulation soft-ware. Thankfully, that's all, and he left. - Meal... franks... which are coming through “nicely” tonight. I was going to shower but not now. - It turned rather nice, at the end of the day. - Oh... changed water in Yonah's “pool” this morning... Not as easy as I expected but at least it was all fresh and such. Actually changed a half a scrub-bucket's-worth! Tomorrow... we'll “house-keep”. - She's been coo'ing in the dark just lately. I've kept her up, no doubt. I went in, she thrust her head forward. She doesn't recognise my voice? Oh well... she's still my LOVE. - But I really ought to get to some sort of nap now. Must be up by 7.00 to open curtains. Not really tired. Would like a drink but don't dare. - It's windy out there tonight. Hopefully bringing WARM weather for tomorrow and not an early bitter snap as is threatened on Monday night (another -20!). - The shits next-door were thrashing at about 18.00 again tonight and I hear “something” even now. Fuck. THEY probably disturbed Yonah... fuckers. Ah well... “my day”, “my moment” to “discuss” will come. I have to make a decision now: My little place in the Adirondacks or when Yonah's back with the flock... Hey, there's no telling how much longer I'll be “here” anyway. And, when Yonah goes, I'm not fighting any more. So? We'll see how it rolls. - Right now... last smoke and to bed!
Sun.28.Feb: 8.45 Another month... gone. But, it's closer to the warmer weather and that, right now, is what matters most (in spite of a a -25° on Monday night, -20s during the week to come). It's -3° this morning, but I see plus 3,4 and 5 to come during the days ahead so... - And this morning, I half-woke at about 6.30-ish and was so comfy, having had another night of SLEEP... THROUGH. Lights went out at about mid-night last night, as I got into more reading. But I don't even remember “trying” to get to sleep so that was a delight. HOW-ever... at 7.00... “the call” came... Ms. Yonah-The-Love was up, awake and ready for “curtain call”, so, with a smile on the face, I bounced (almost, any-way) out of bed, robe on, kettle on and... CURTAINS OPEN! Yes, indeed... the day HAD commenced! And, for the past hour-plus, it's been a steady “roll” of coffee, loo, two smokes, breakfast on the back walk served. I put a coat of clear nail lacquer on the “eyes” of the “head”... looking more “realistic” (in spite of the over-whelming “pink” of the “flesh colour”). I NEED to get the images for this month into this Journal today, since it IS “month end”. And there's “house-keeping” at Yonah's place to be done. I want to drill some holes into the “PO Sign” to prep for brace assembly and it would be nice to be able to put a coat or 2 of clear on it at some point (there's no rain in today's forecast but the temperature is such that it's comfortable, but just a tad too cold and too damp, really, and I don't want to bring the sign into the house with all the fumes, alas). And this week's “specials” are on at market and English muffins and “Perry's” is on that. I have the FS. I'll have to consider. - Cliff is back and came to fetch his post this morning. Still hasn't taken a hair-cut and looking quite shitty. He's off to “travel” the state. We chatted about “inter-state” travel. Says he, contiguous states to NY are fine... for NY, but he's not sure about the others. And he mentioned some-thing about being “vaccinated” and not being sure about when he'll be able to come back to NY. These dolts really are getting on my last nerves with this “vaccination” BS. I DO see the day coming when “ID Cards” will be issued and “life” will become a complete misery because of them. Welcome back to “Germany 1933”. To think: the grands managed to escape all that and we, their descendants, have re-created the Hell. Oh well... at least MY time in it will be short. Fukkem. Fukkemall. - And so, another day begins as another month ends. Where we go from here at this point, after coffee is... what-ever it will be when it's been. (I ought to prep “meal” at some point. I just don't have the interest.) - And Yonah coo's in her room. - 10.53 SLOW START to this morning (as the morons in Nr.5 stomp about, slamming doors and I'm pulling all to control the urge to pound walls... Dear GOD... ANOTHER ROCKAWAY... FUCK!). BUT, I've gotten the images to the server and the coding and now, will bring February to the moment. - Am running low on smokes and cash to get another pack... oh well. - And Yonah is calling... and there's house-work to be done! - As for the PO sign clear-coat? Questionable. - And I'm rather ill-at-ease for some reason. And the day rolls on. - 11.01 ALL TO THE MOMENT AND MOVING ALONG! - 14.55 OK! SO! Pages on the servers with images for the dates in February. Followed by a THOROUGH “house-keeping” for Yonah including a thorough cleaning of the “pool” and new, fresh nesting and sand. Followed by a thorough Hoovering of the house AND chicken-and-rice in the oven, cooking for tonight's meal. AND... though I would have liked to have put a coat of clear on the PO sign, it's just not quite warm, and certainly not-at-all dry enough. So? So. At least I'm not “chilled to the bone” as I was most of the morning. And now... a bit of a snooze because, well, I want one and I've worked to deserve one. Sunday... done-day. - 19.31 AND THE BANG-BANG-BULL-SHIT COMMENCES!!!! I'm FUCKING FED-UP!!!! - 20.28 AND NOW THE WALL-BANGING IN THE KITCHEN COMMENCES! TONIGHT... STARTS “THE LIST”... THE BLOODY-FUCKING LIST!!! I'M STUCK BETWEEN A DAY CARE FOR AUTISTIC TWATS AND A STABLE WHERE THE HORSES TROD THE FLOORS AND BANG THE WALLS! TIME TO QUIT! - 22.12 Fours hot waters and I've finished “Monday Monday” (again) and now, later, MUCH later than I'd hoped, it's time for a shower and getting to bed. - I'm pondering ringing Alden tomorrow, under the guise of being “concerned” about the non-working stove. “Not a complaint... just because you weren't told that the 2 burners weren't working and now none of them do so... Keeping you in the loop.” and then veering over to “So, I understand they're leaving in June...” with the emphasis on “THEY” which could some-how lead into the banging of late. Pondering. Best to sleep on it... if sleep is possible, considering they're thumping about again at this hour. - Well, tomorrow's going to be “a day”. Week/Work for others. Bills. That sort of thing. Nothing I can do about any of it before Wednesday. And there's the business of the oil and checking into “Gordon” or what-ever they're called these days. Rates. Deliveries. Minimums. &c. This business of Avery delivering more than I had on the account AGAIN... pisses me off. Ah... and that “Stimulus”? Arse-pops 'wants it on his desk by the 14th of March'. Yeah, well, tomorrow's the 1st so it's in the month but I doubt it'll get any-where at all and even if it does, it won't be here until April. Mean-while, I can HOPE to find some other suitable place... and then try to figure how to work it in with Yonah. I do NOT want to take her away from here. THIS is where she knew and will probably “know” again when she's back out there. And I've no doubt she's got a flock waiting for her... or not, but I can't even imagine how they'll react to seeing her again! Anyway... She's first on the list but I can keep looking. - It's just that this place is now approaching the Shelter! The Autistic qunts on one side, the fuktard classless shits on the other. I'm in a bed with a locker, wedged between insanity... again... AGAIN... needing to mind my words, actions and such and NEVER knowing WHAT shit will be flying next! I can't be like this. I don't want to leave New Russia. I don't want to leave Essex country. I don't want to leave the Adirondacks... but I CAN'T go back to being in the Shelter. Well... a hot shower and try to sleep on it. Tomorrow is another day and another week and another month... and the warmer months are coming, short and quick as they may be. - I guess I'll go have a smoke, shit money in the NY account for a pack of smokes tomorrow and set this off to the servers... start tomorrow on a blank page. Eh? - FUCK!!!! -
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