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Mon.02.Nov: (“Jonah” it is!) 0.46 Got carried away here with Dove info. Now... off to bed! (It's a bit chilly in here too. Hmmm...) - 8.00 The lap-top keeps sending me the message: “Update Virus Protection”. Cute. My chest has an impressive “stone” in it, my throat, a tad constricted. “Update Virus Protection” indeed. Hello? It's not a “virus”... it's a bunch of cells gone “Democrat”. - It's time to pay this month's due instalment on the loan and get on with this *** SNOWY *** sort of morn. And the “snow” isn't just on the mountains this morn. No. Nay. 'tis on the grasses. - But Ms. Dove, whom I see from pre-bed research last night/this morning, can be with me for any-where between 1,5yrs and 20. Apparently, they “make good pets”. I saw a little video of what appears to be a young girl, who'd put a “Pyrex” pie plate on the floor (beige carpeting, very nice and clean) with a bit of water in and “her” little one went for a splash. According to the “Dove Association” (or of similar nomenclature) they, doves, prefer bathing in a sprinkle or those “dust baths”. Well, I HAVE ordered the “sprinkler” attachment for the kitchen, “due” (they claim) to be delivered on Friday. But tomorrow is week 3 of our “situation together” here. Her, Ms. Dove, left wing is looking quite nice this morning and her left foot/leg appears to be improved. She's got fresh water and food already since I got my lazy arse out of the bed at about 7.35 and got to her immediately, as the kettle boiled for morning coffee (after which, I took my morning vits. and am presently “pressing” the rest of the day's caffeine as I type. I'll have to “jot” some of the “items of interest” I've found about “Mourning Doves” in particular. Apparently, they're STEEPED in lore and “mysteries”. “Visiting souls”, messengers of good and great “change” to come, bringers of “peace and tranquility”, and... “escorts of souls”... I wonder which she is. According to lore and legends, it's quite the honour when a Mourning Dove comes into one's life. Indeed, my honour is the privilege to be able to provide a sage haven for her, out of the winds and cold and snows, especially of this morning, and more mornings (and nights) to come. My only major concern now is that I must hold on and hold out until such time when she's well enough to be on her own again. I most seriously doubt that there's ANY-one about who wouldn't simply toss her out the door... in my absence. (And the winds slam against the house this morning, as I type... thankfully, the furnace was just on so it's warm in here. I'll have to check last year, today's date. I KNOW I had only about 1/8th tank of oil and I had BOTH radiators running.... and November was my “almost 300$ electric bill... for using the oven to warm the place... NOT THIS YEAR, to be sure.) But I digress... I'm quite confident that “they'll” be pissed-off with the inconvenience of having to dispose of my carcass as it is (will be). What they'll do with the “items” in here is anybody's guess. MOST, I'm sure, will simply be tossed into a dumpster or truck or put out on the road-side. I don't care. Hey! Joan died, her “friends and family” came, at their leisure, hauled her belongings out... that old table's still in the garage... and left. That was that. Shortly after, Julius and Hannah took possession of the place and it's as if Joan never existed at all. I do suppose I'm next. We're born... we pass the time... we die... we never existed. As for Ms. Dove... indeed, in Nature, it's the same for her and hers... She struggled to crack through the shell, struggled to grow in a nest, waiting to be fed and attended... finally got her wings and took off to meet Mr. Dove. No doubt, she's got off-spring out there some-where (who never came to visit). Had she not come to me, she'd have been attacked, left under the porch where “Life” would have been taken from her or some-thing, some-where else would have “done her in”... and... no “possessions” to speak of... she never existed... and as for both of us... absolutely nothing in the world changes. - There... “Morning Mediation”. - It's time to pay the loan, put a band-aid on my finger and get back to the robe at hand... MAYBE there'll be a trip to the market for some-thing to eat... (I just squashed a little “fruit fly” on the lap-top screen... the house is full of them again for some reason. They “exist” only 24 hours and I just cut that out with-out a thought... Yep... that's the “World”... Not a damned bit of it makes even the slightest bit of sense or purpose.) Starting and running the truck in the cold would probably be a grand idea. I'd LIKE to go and get more of that “mesh fencing” and some nice lumber and make a proper “house” for Ms. Dove. We'll see how “finances” run tomorrow. A trip to Plattsburgh... I'll have to work on the design. (I was doing just that this morning as I laid in bed, half-awake.) Oh... another little “project”. But she deserves as much and more. - Enough of this typing! (I also have to “close-out” October on-line and rummage through some more images for November. Ah... keeping busy... whilst we enjoy the moments remaining before the bull-shitterie and fuckerie of the pee-oh commence. Monday morn... Fuck. Bonjour... as it were.) - 8.28 Loan paid... Now? Pffftttt.... - 9.29 JUST ORDERED A NEW HOME FOR “*YONAH*” (which, come to find out, is “female”... “Dove”!). PetCo... on-line, FREE SHIPPING, same price as Amazoon BUT FREE SHIPPING AND... MIGHT even be here on Wednesday! HEY! (No... I really couldn't afford it but here we go again... travel to Plattsburgh, fuel, wear on the truck, to get the mesh and wood and then travel back from Plattsburgh, fuel and miles, and the hardware for building and the time to build...) It should be PERFECT for her! It's LARGE. We shall see. Indeed. But I'm feeling MUCH better for her already. Now to figure where she'll be for her duration... (43$ is an “investment” but she's worth it... to be sure. More “incentive” for me to “do better”.) - Pee-oh is open... BANG, THUD, THUMP, YAKETTY-YAK, TELLING, BULL-SHIT, FUCKERIE. She's probably pissed because her “walk-way” wasn't cleared. FUKDATSHIT! - And on with the day. - 12.08 The sun is shining into “Jonah's Room” (“official name” of both her and her room now). The WIND is SLAMMING IN FROM THE WEST AND THERE'S S FORECAST OF 15° AT THE END OF THE WEEK! (We shall see... Maybe this wind is bringing it.) There's a new “hot-plate/stove-top” en route, and a new house for Jonah. “Busy week”, this. I've “accomplished” nothing this morning but am now sitting to “vits. and oatmeal”. - The “Itemised Bill” arrived today... TWO-FUCKING-GRAND FOR THE FUCKING CT! NO WONDER THEY WANT ME TO HAVE ANOTHER! FTS. And I'm NOT looking at it as an “un-paid”. They GOT almost 4k! JEESUS! - In other news: Mourning doves are quite RICH in “mysticism”, Bible and such. harbingers of support, faith, strength, “moving on”, hope, peace, resolutions... So I do wonder if Ms. has come to accompany me at some point or to tell that I shouldn't be concerned about “departing” too soon. “Message from beyond”...”We're here when you get here”? Or... “It's not your time yet!” So MUCH! - Well... on to mid-day vits. and then we'll see where it all goes from there. - Left-over rice for “meal” tonight, to be sure. There's money to buy food but... tomorrow I NEED to get out to vote, and Soc.Sec. will be in so... I'll do the “running” tomorrow. (Besides, it's supposed to be about 0° and clear tomorrow... better weather... though, I have to admit, I SHOULD be out walking... but NOT in this WIND... that's my excuse today.) - 19.09 *** I AM SO EXCITED!!! YONAH'S NEW HOME IS DUE TO ARRIVE TOMORROW!!! I JUST ORDERED IT THIS MORNING AND GOT THE TRACKING NUMBER ALREADY... AND UPS SAYS EXPECTED DELIVERY... TOMORROW BEFORE 9PM! WOW! YEAH, BABY! WOO-HOO INDEED!!! SHE'S SOME KIND OF MIRACLE! AND, THIS AFTER-NOON, I BROUGHT HER, IN THE CAGE, INTO THE LIVING-ROOM AS I WORKED ON THE ROBE (which is basted, but needs a bit of “work” because it's a bit tight in the chest, but it appears to be working “acceptably”). I put her on the “shelf” by the futon, at the living-room window and she got up, ate, strolled about and seemed happy to be with me. And we listened to “Schlagersahne” together! I can't wait for when it'll be easier to get her in and out of the cage! Time together! What a complete delight! So tomorrow, I'll get to vote a bit earlier (though Corey won't be here until evening any-way but I want to take NO chances... although, I'm doubtful the shipment will make it from PetCo... in VT, to UPS in VT and then to Plattsburgh and to here in one day... still, it's all starting MUCH closer to here than it would have done with Ambiezoom. We shall see... and I'll remain HOPEFUL). A stop at FamDoll for smokes, juice, perhaps ice cream. Meal tomorrow evening? I don't know yet. BUT... Soc.Sec. arrives tomorrow so there'll be money for food too! OH MY! (I can't help but think: “Life” is going so very well of late... and I'm falling apart here. I just hope to last through long enough to see Yonah take wing... and return to her loves.) - Finished the rice and the little veggies and ice cream tonight. “Food”... of sorts. Not bad. Not “great”, but not bad. And have been passing time since. I want to make a little “plaque” with Yona's name on it for her new place. Those cedar shakes I'd cut to “post-cards” are still here. I'll use them. Would do it tonight but I want the measurements proper. (Maybe it'll inspire me to make the pee-oh sign too, since I have the lumber... but not the ambition or incentive.) - Today's “snow” is gone. The WIND finally calmed this evening. The “Montana” woman (some relation to John D.) stopped at the pee-oh whilst I was out for a smoke this evening and she actually took the time to CHAT! I was impressed. And, as I say, the winds calmed, the sun was out for a while. The week is expected to get warmer... I can only hope... save the oil! I'd rather NOT start with another 1/8th of a tank like I did last year. - Anyway... I'm about ready for a snooze but I don't want to take one because I want to get a shower in and to bed at a “civil” hour to wake at a “civil' hour tomorrow. Hey! I don't must get to Plattsburgh for “wire mesh fencing and more lumber” now! Saved the time, mileage, gas... me! AND... the money for the gas and such. Pretty good deal! I'm excited... - Now, for the evening's hot water, Naproxen and prep for a shower. - Julius is up and about this evening... I hear the “thumping”. Can't complain... he's not usually “obviously there”. (It's another month too... I wonder if he's still keeping the place. Probably... unless “his woman” invites him to move to Moriah... oh, that would be “amusing”.) None of my business. - MY BUSINESS IS TO REMAIN IN AS GOOD HEALTH AS IS NECESSARY TO SEE YONAH FLYING! Other than that... what-ever... - 22.21 Binged (again) on “Waiting For God” and actually got to see some episodes I'd never seen before. - Just in from last smoke. There's the lightest snow falling out there now. Pretty. Silent. I used to think of mother in the snow... and the rain. She loved both. I used to phantasise about her having become the snow, the rain, the open ocean. I pondered my “energy' becoming part of it... and then, my rotting carcass being covered with it, laying under some grand old tree up in the “wilderness” of these old mountains. And then... the reality of it all: I've never been born, really. If not for Yonah and my drive to see her flying again, free, out into the trees, to be re-joined with her peers, a “new bird in the flock”, as it were, all healed, to live as she was intended: FREE. I could have gone to the polls tomorrow, cast my vote and taken that drive to Tahawus... found an old road that might border a cliff and driven off... into the “woods”. It wouldn't make any difference, one way or another, save the “litter” of the truck in the “natural wilderness”. They'd come, haul it out, have it compacted and recycled. And me? Tossed to the side some-where un-known at this point, or turned to ashes and disposed of in some land-fill. Then, remove the tid-bits in this old house and the place would be re-rented to some-body else, probably some trash that would destroy the place as is its history. The rent? Paid through December now. No problems at all. And in a bit of time... I'd never been here... never been any-where, really... never “been”. The “stories” would end and so too... my existence. But... I REALLY DO WANT TO SEE YONAH FLYING AGAIN... STRONG, FREE, ABLE TO FEND FOR HER-SELF. Maybe she'll find another mate... or... maybe she'd find her old one. Though they say they “mate for the duration”... of their season. No doubt, she'd find another, a new “beau” come the next Spring. Well... at hopefully she'll be able to do just that... come the Spring. And she'll give birth to new little ones, and be able now, to impart her experience here. Maybe she'll some-how tell them of some strange being who took her in as she convalesced, made sure she was warm, clean, fed, given care and love. But she'll be able to impart her wisdom of how to avoid being injured! Oh... maybe. - I was never born though. With exception of the “notifications” on the “DNR”, if I don't leave that behind... I was never born. Nobody would notice my absence. Probably better that way... I'll have to consider... or not. Perhaps just leave things as they are. - Meanwhile, tomorrow... Soc.Sec. in the account, budgeting for another month. A couple packs of smokes, some tid-bits to eat, perhaps taking the trash to the dump... and casting a vote that might tip the scales in the state... and the country. My 3rd “vote” in my life-time. Dinkins in The City... he won. Trump 4 years ago. He won then too. Hopefully it'll happen again... 3rd time the charm. Who knows? We'll see when the vote is cast and the ballots are counted... and that, at the rate the insanity has taken the world, will be a while, I've no doubt. But mean-while... Ms. Yonah will have a nice place in which to rest, heal, recover. And I'll see to that. - For now... time to get to bed. I almost dread going to bed tonight. I WANT to wake up tomorrow... and we know how that usually works when I “want” some-thing... Come to think of it, I've usually gotten it... housing, jobs, too me years but there's an old pick-up in the yard. All I can do is hope that the streak continues... at least until Ms. Yonah is safely back with her broods. - Off we go... before the night becomes tomorrow. - It's been... a day... and I'm excited about tomorrow... I must admit.
Tue.03.Nov:
YONAH IS IN HER NEW HOUSE TONIGHT! OMG! COREY DELIVERED AT ABOUT 17.20 AND I QUICKLY FINISHED MY FRANKS (and French onion soup) AND BEFORE I DID DISHES OR HAD ICE CREAM... I PUT THE NEW HOUSE TOGETHER AND GOT HER (WITH A RUN THROUGH THE KITCHEN) INTO IT! SHE WENT TO THE LITTLE BIT OF LIMB WITH THE EXTENSION AND PERCHED ON IT FOR THE LONGEST WHILE. I'VE JUST CHECK-IN ON HER AND ... SHE'S IN HER NEW, FRESH NEST NOW! - TJE NEW HOME IS “HERS” NOW! ALL I COLD DO WAS “HOLD ME”. I'D SO LOVE TO BE ABLE TO HOLD HER, CLOSE, TO SOME-HOW LET HER KNOW, IN SOME WAY, THAT SHE'S SAFE HERE. BUT SEEING HER IN THE NEST SOME-HOW GIVES ME THE STRENGTH AND DETERMINATION TO MAKE SURE SHE'LL BE GOOD ENOUGH TO TAKE FREE FLIGHT COME THE BETTER WEATHER, TO RETURN TO HER LIFE. THE NEW HOME LOOKS SO MUCH NICER. IT'S HIGHER FOR HER TO SPREAD AND EXERCISE HER WINGS. AND EASIER TO GET HER OUT OF, SO SHE CAN HAVE RUN OF THE HOUSE, TO RUN ABOUT. THERE'S SO MUCH FOOD AND WATER FOR HER NOW THAT I DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT HER NOURISHMENT NEEDS. IT WAS A BIT OF A COSTLY INVESTMENT... BUT IF I HAVE TO FORFIET MY FOOD AND SUCH... IT'S ALL SO MUCH WORTH IT! SHE'S SO PRECIOUS!
And so, I listened to the coverage of the elections thus far. It doesn't look very good. Hard time are ahead... from my own personal finances to those of the rest of the country... not to mention the violence that's already begun. We're heading into absolute Hell right now. But, I'll check back in the morning. I don't have much “Hope” for humanity... but the little Dove, in her own room, her own, safe home... well... that's what matters now. - And I've had a half-smoke on the porch. There's a “snow mist” falling tonight, and I've made it clear to... ? ... It/They WILL make sure that she's given the opportunity to heal, to return to her life & heart. As I say... I'm old and bitter and would rather suffer Hell than to have her injured more. - But now... I need a bit of sleep. No Naproxen tonight since I've had my 2 “beverages”. And there's nothing on the “agenda” tomorrow to take me out of the house. Dump on Thursday is fine enough. The old “cage” is rolled-up. The place has been Hoovered. A good rest, for both of us, tonight. Tomorrow? It will be as it will be... I'm just at peace... Yonah has a new, delightful little home... and again, tonight, she's safe, free to heal... with food, water and warmth. - It was a fun evening on Twtr. Gab is a royal fukup. I couldn't “participate” so I'm, again, through. But... there we have it. - Tomorrow, I should drop a line to Theresa... we shall see. For now... a nap.
Wed.04.Nov:
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Fri.06.Nov: 10.04 and up at 8.30! Oh well... Yes, I DID go to bed at mid-night, alarms set for 5 and 6.30... “thought” I'd take a “nap”. HAH! No prob. But woke to 15° and sun-shine! Imagine that! And there's a “promise” (“LOL”, as they say) of MORE of this to come! 19, 20°! SO much that COULD be done with this weather... I wish my eyes were better... I'd drive along the road-ways... but as it is these days... I get no pleasure out of travel. Alas. - The pee-oh is open, the circus is in town. And last of the coffee is at hand, Schlager in the living-room. Another day... short as it will be, ahead. - The “election fraud” is still in the “counting”, with the Communists in the lead. Delightful. Who would have imagined that all that “Hell and terror” we used to learn about in school, many years ago, would be waiting for us just out-side the door? Looks like we'll (they'll) be living “those old tales” very soon now. Oh well.... then... - Meanwhile, time to get a “move along” on here. - The “stove-top” should be arriving this evening. Some-thing to look forward to, I suppose. - 20.31 Well? The day... It was MAGNFICENT... weather-wise. Quite warm! Mostly clear and sunny. And I made a run, just after noon, to FamDoll, for smokes. When I got back, I sanded, measured and cut the board for the “pee-oh” sign. (I now have to work on the lettering guide/stencil...). Also cleaned the back gallery off nicely... at long last. - THE “STOVE-TOP” ARRIVED... IN GRAND CONDITION! 17.15 AS A MATTER OF FACT! I need to convert the stove-top to counter-top though, but it's very nice indeed. One problem... IT DOESN'T HEAT AS QUICKLY AND AS WELL AS MY CHEAP ONE THAT I'D GOTTEN AT THE B116th SCHLOCK-SHOP! I'M NOT “THRILLED” WITH IT (and have already posted my negative review to Amazon...) AN HOUR JUST TO COOK 4 FRANKS! IT TAKES THAT LONG TO HEAT THE WATER. AND, BY THE TIME I GOT TO SIT AND EAT... THE FRANKS AND VEGGIES WERE COLD! Oh well... we shall see how *I* “adjust” and “adapt” to it as time goes by. I won't bother to return it... I need the cooking-surface. Hopefully it'll last through the Winter? AND... THE SINK SPRAYER was in the same box as the stove-top... CRUSHED! BENT! I IMMEDIATELY FILED FOR A REPLACEMENT, ON-LINE, I WAS FORCED TO ACCEPT RETURNING IT AND IT'S GOING TO TAKE UNTIL THE 17TH BEFORE I GET A NEW ONE! NOW... I GOT TO “CUSTOMER SERVICE”. THE “CHAT” INDICATED A “REFUND” WAS TO BE MADE *AFTER THEY RECEIVED THE DAMNED THING*. WELL... CUSTOMER SERVICE ARRANGED TO A REPLACEMENT, (I believe they cancelled the “refund”) AND SAID I NEEDN'T BOTHER TO RETURN THIS ONE! Saves me the trouble of having to find a box (or putting it in the same box I received it in) and dropping it at the “UPS Drop” at Tops... though, if I'd pack it in the same box it arrived in, I'd have to call UPS to come get it... yeah, like THAT'S gonna happen... FUCK! ANYWAAAAAY.... “Meal” got cooked on the new stove-top, I managed to bend the sprayer enough to spray... but I can't change it to “straight pour”. MAYBE I can get Yonah into a “schpritz” on the week-end... if her wing and leg are OK. And there we have it. I'm only JUST moments ago, finishing first hot water and Naproxen... after finally finishing with meal and dishes. -
Sat.07.Nov: 0.10 Did it AGAIN! FUCK! But... Walmarde on-line had Trump flags, 2 for 11.99, free shipping, no tax... I ordered them. WTF? Why not put one up? I've encouraged others on Twtr to do like-wise. Meanwhile, the furnace kicked. I have to set it back down. 20° today! It reached 21 on Saturday. I have to fight with the notion of “FlexTape” on the truck. If it's to be done it has to be done NOW! - And I'm off off for the last smoke, teeth and bed... - Really quite disappointed with that new “stove-top”. It appears to have been made incorrectly... a bit mis-shapen. Fucking figures. And almost 70$! FUCK ME! But I'll “handle” it... to be sure. It had BETTER keep working for now though! - Off we go... it's entire too late! - 9.55 Got up and out of bed at about 6.30... not sure why but I did. Got the usual morning routine rolling, but took a bit of ply-wood from the living-room, covered it with foil to place on top of the stove. Looking OK, I put the hot-plate on only to notice... THE FUCKING THING IS SO BADLY WARPED THAT IT WON'T SIT ON A FLAT SURFACE! WELL... OFF TO AMAZON AND THE FUCKERIE... THANKFULLY, A
***** NOW THEN, NOT SURE IF I'D MENTIONED AND IF I DID, FINE, I'LL RE-MENTION... WHEN I WENT TO CHECK THE POST TODAY I NOTICED A PILE OF DOG SHIT AT THE BACK CORNER OF THE PEE-OH! THIS MORNING, Ms. NANCY FROM “UP THE HILL” HAD PASSED QUITE A BIT OF SCREECHING TIME OUT FRONT WITH HER COMPANION BANSHEE, BECKY, AND I'VE NO DOUBT, AT ALL, THAT SHE (NANCE) LET HER DOG RUN AMOK OR... SHE HAD HIM ON A LEAD AND SO IS VERY MUCH AWARE OF THE SHIT. THAT SAID, I'M AT WITS' END WITH THIS BULL-SHIT FUCKERIE HERE. THE STOVE, THE MOWER THAT WAS NEVER RETURNED... DRAFTY WINDOWS, THE FUCKING FURNACE... WATER PRESSURE DOWN SO FAR IT MIGHT AS WELL BE HAND-PUMPED IN THE BACK YARD OR DRAWN FROM THE FUCKING RIVER! There's a part of me that says that the rent is quite cheap, and I see that to be the fact in my searches for another place. The major difference being “water, trash and snow” included in the rent else-where, and here, it's only water. Still... this DOG SHIT... well... It'll be “handled”... on Sunday night, when it gets “placed” in the parking area for the pee-oh. Hopefully in a strategic location where-by Ms. C of the pee(oh) will step from her vehicle and... Oh... when the “Trump” flags arrive... -
And so... evening rolled into the night... I had a grand little “chat” on the Twats with Gina in SK until close to mid-night... which brings us to...
Mon.09.Nov: 7.07 (Big 707 set to go....) Yes, I'm up. Coffee at hand, and 2 basins of lavage on the soak. Woke with a determination to get the lavage done, and bake bread (and maybe finish-off the robe?). Why? Not a clue. Feeling “nice” having showered before bed last night. And lights were out by about 23.30. This morning seems “clear”. A touch on the “cool” side, “dew” on the grass, thankfully. (But the fucking furnace has come on again!) Woke for a pee during the night and that pain in the lower-right is returned, and it's still present. Can't figure that one out. But breathing is OK and head is ... relatively OK. So there's a day ahead with “things” to be done and we'll see what we accomplish... at day's end. - Last evening I caught a blurb on Twtr about Trump “holding rallies”... I certainly hope he does. But the head-line read that it was to gather his “base” and prepare for a “war”... well, the “war” is on the dishonestly and lies and bull-shit-fukerie of the Dems and Libs. (I'm of the mind where an all-out “Civil War” would be most welcome... cull the herd, as it were, but I don't believe there are enough “men”, or any, with the balls. I mean, at least “start” one, scare the living shit out of the population. But.. then there's the part of me that thinks: it's time... every “great empire” in history has failed... perhaps it's “America's turn. Even in school-years I pondered it. Maybe I'll be the one living through it. As with all... “Time will tell”. It's a piss, waking each day now, with this hovering over-head. I just tend to worry about “income”... and I don't doubt the Dems will pull at Soc.Sec. Obama fucked it and caused me more heart-ache. I've NO doubt the next shit-bags will make the mad dash for the cash and we'll ALL be starving. Oh well... I've had a grand existence... time to rest.) - There, philosophie du matin. Time to continue... get “things” done. - 13.17 20° AND the washing is on the line and rack, 2 loaves of bread are cooling. Just finished after-noon oatmeal and vits. and am off to sewing. No sense trying for market until UPS gets here. Sure, I'll have to go in the dark but... and even then, only after Ms. Yonah's place gets cleaned. (So, it looks like no going out any time today too soon.) Oh well... if the forecast is correct, ONE MORE DAY... TOMORROW! Early rise, coffee, pee and OUT! (I hope.) - 18.12 (what a year... some-thing happened... OH YES! “The War of...”! Imagine THAT! AAAaannnnd...)
TIME-LINE:
At 15.00 I was sitting with Ms. Yonah, in her room, finishing the basic stitching on the robe. Now it's a matter of reinforcing and cutting and... WEARING!
I'd found some recordings of mourning doves on Yootoob & Ms. Yonah and I were listening to them as I stitched. She actually DID respond to them! It was SO precious! (I'll have to play more for her.
WELL... UPS arrives. Not Corey, a young fellow... Ms. YONAH'S FOOD AND GRIT ARRIVED!
AND... the UPS guy took the shit cooker! He had the label with him! And I have a *receipt* for TRACKING!
SO... I finished the stitching AND... let Ms. Yonah out in the living-room and gave her house a good cleaning... AND put her new food (half new, half old... just to make sure she eats some-thing, in the event she doesn't like the new stuff) and a little cap of grit in with fresh water, added some fresh grass to her nest and.., well, getting her back in was the usual “run, chase, dodge... but she went for the back door and I got her. Carried her “home” and in she went... and to her nest. Poor little dear. But she DID FLY a bit! Sadly, into the kitchen wall, but she's doing MUCH better in spite of the wing looking a little “off”. She's doing VERY well! The little love.
By 16.00, the robe was done, Ms. Yonah's house was clean and she was back at “home” again! I'd been thinking that I'd hold-off my meal this evening until I got HER taken care of but at 16.00 I put the 2 mostly-frozen burgers into the Walmarde pot on the stove to cook. I thought I'd just forgo shopping today until tomorrow but....
at about 16.20, I realised I had no juice and with Cabot butter and 18 eggs on sale... I headed to the market.
Got to the market, BUZZED through the aisles, got MOST of what was on my list! And I was out in moments!
Back at the house by 16.50... finished the cooking of the burgers, threw in some “Stir-Fry” veggies and sat to eat with “The Five” which had only started moments before.
BY 18.00? DONE! FROM MEAL TO DESSERT AND WASHING-UP!
Is it ANY wonder I might have a hiatal hernia? Especially since I truly CAN'T chew food properly. BUT... WOW! In THREE HOURS... sewing, cage-cleaning, including HOOVERING THE HOUSE AFTER..., meal prep, grocery shopping, eating and washing-up... DONE! I'm in a BUZZ boy! Add that I got TWO loaves of bread done AND the little laundry done (which is still a bit damp but DONE). WHAT a day! - Of note: Yonah seems to me moulting! Feathers ALL over the place! I checked... mourning doves moult in Autumn so she's just doing what she does... I hope. And I HOPE she didn't re-injure her wing with the flying about. But she appears FINE! - 23.51 Got a touch carried-away here again... primarily because I checked e-mails about 3 hours ago and got a NITIFICATION FROM AMAZON THAT THEY'D PROCESSED MY REFUND BUT FOR ABOUT 6$ LESS THAN I THOUGHT I'D PAID! WELL... OF COURSE, I GOT ON TO THE SITE AND “CHATTED” WITH “RUBY” WHO REMINDED ME... THERE WAS A “PROMO” ON THE HOT-PLATE AND I GOT A 5,60 DISCOUNT THAT COULD HAVE BEEN GIVEN AS A “GIFT CREDIT”. WELL! I WOULDN'T DO THAT, SINCE I DIDN'T PAY IT. SO I THANKED RUBY AND THAT WAS THAT UNTIL... I WANTED TO RECONCILE ACCOUNTS AND... THE REFUND HAS BEEN POSTED... IMMEDIATELY, IN FACT... THERE, ALREADY! THEY *CAN* REFUND WHEN THEY WANT TO! SO... I got into looking for another hot plate but the one I need is about 160$! (And I'm fucking sick of all this “blaming fucking “COVID” bull-shit, for slow deliveries, increased prices... they're full of shit!) Anyway... no matter how I run this, I'll have to “order”. There's one at HomeDepot that needs to be ordered... about 70$ for pick-up... 55$ to deliver! FUCK THAT! But I'd have to drive to VT (of fucking course). So I'll have to ponder. I could, right now, afford that one. Still, it wouldn't be in the store for about 2 weeks... and of course, I'd have to pay ahead, drive over... and it's still sight-un-seen. I'll be thinking... seriously. - Meanwhile, I'm tired... I want to go to bed but I don't. I wanted to shower, but I don't. I've had 4 PopTarts so I don't dare to eat more... and I don't dare eat ice cream now... cold. (Though the night isn't too bad out there.) - So... I've also had my 3 hot waters and Naproxen... - Checked my book orders... only one out-standing... the other 3 “shipped”... won't be here for another week at least of course. Oh well. - And... as always, my heart hopes Ms. Yonah is comfy in there. I was reading that her “moulting” is normal AND they recommend taking her out to the sun for about 15 minutes a day AND giving her about 14 hours of “night”. I need to be quieter for her. I don't like the idea of closing the door on her but... I just might get into that habit for her. -
NOTING: Little Julius was quite vociferous over there this evening, for a while, and a touch “wall-bangy”. I know I probably should bitch but...
Reminds me... I need to toss the dog shit! OK. Toss, smoke, bed. There we have it. - 24.13 The shit is in the parking lot. I can go to bed now.
Tue.10.Nov: 0.54 NOW I'm going to bed! - 10.33 WELL... the sun is shining, the temperature's rising. (And I brought my little shovel in and washed it after “removing” the dog shit last night/this morning.) - Heard the 3 alarms this morning, from 6.00-7.00, and ignored all... finally getting out of bed at about 7.30. 6 hours of “sleep”? Oh well... I had to pee any-way. - SLOW start to the day... as almost “usual”, with soc.med. and other “diversions, digressions and distractions. Looking for a fucking HOT-PLATE WHICH I JUST SUCCUMBED TO AND ORDERED AGAIN, VIA BLAMZOOM... ALMOST FUCKING 90$! “CUISINART”... MADE IN FUCKING CHINA! BUT... it should arrive Monday... I DO NEED THE BURNERS AND IT WAS THE SAME PRICE AS ANY-WHERE ELSE... I COULD have ordered “Waring”... at almost 200$! FUCK ME! OR... I COULD have driven to Queensbury, mileage, gas, time, wear on the truck... nope. So HERE WE FUCKCING GO A-FUCKING-GAIN! - No sense in travelling any-where today... other than into town to “finish” the grocery shopping and smokes. Contemplated Plattsburgh and Lake Placid... but there's no “shopping” to be done at either (every-thing is “deliver to store... 2 days or a week or longer), so there's no sense in travel. Honestly... this bull-shit has worn so thin! “Covid”? Fuck ALL! - But on GRAND NEWS... Ms. Yonah is soaking sun-shine and has eaten! She's looking quite “well” this morning after her “outing” yesterday. So my heart is calm. If all is well with Ms. Yonah... all is well with the world. - So I'm going to do a little sewing for a bit and then off to market. Then? I don't know... and, I don't believe I actually give a shit. - Coffee's done. So there's that. - Fuck. - 16.23 Let's talk “INCROYABLE”... Shall we? Grocery shopping is DONE! AND, 4 more bits of chicken in the freeze. FOUR containers of ice cream in there too! 2 more tins of salmon (we'll see whether they're worth the 4$ or not... Tops... pffft!) in the cupboard. Beets. More veggies in the freeze too. Another jug of juice. I was SO damned “responsible” today. AND A FULL TANK OF GAS... And, of course, smokes. Indeed! AND... as I sit here, chicken in the oven, veggies on the stove. HEY! - Sadly... it was the last of the “BEAUTIFUL” days and now we head into “late Autumn” to be sure. The doors are open... probably for the last time for many (too many) months to come. But... there it is. “Responsibility” attended. Now... to rot. - Can't do that... MUST get Ms. Yonah back together. And thankfully, it appears she's enjoying the new food. There's more in there for her... and the grit too... calcium for her little bones. The sweetest-heart. She's about to “turn-in” for the night, though I hear her her stirring in her room... as the sun drops off behind the hills. - I'm TIRED! No “nap” today. (No doubt, I'll pass out right after “meal”.) - And a bit more sewing on the robe and the first “cut”, so now I have “raw ends” to stitch. Ah well, eh bin... there are days ahead when venturing out the door will be... “not”. - Meanwhile meanwhile, no word on the “election” other than the accusations, insinuations, implications and denials of all sorts of bull-shit. Well, as some-body pointed-out on the soc.med.: It took 36 days to settle the “Bush” era. Me? No rush... just don't touch my income and I don't give a shit. - 22.12 And, several episodes of “Waiting For God”... and yes, immediately after eating and washing-up was done... 30-minutes of “snooze” that were almost impossible to wake from with-out force. - Now 'tis time to hit the old sack! That said...
At THIS hour, Mr. Julius seems to have returned from where-ever he goes of late... His arrivals are, of late, rather “heralded”. I'll just leave it at that. Thankfully, the “herald” isn't for any great length of time, still, I fucks-the-shit that Ms. Yonah is in the room adjacent. And, I imagine what it would be like were that the “bed-room”. Eh? (Yes, this place is annoying me again... dreadfully.)
Moving along... “the town” or what-ever, “installed” delightful holiday wreaths on the utility poles today. One on the pole at the corner of the “Hill” and the other at the pee-oh parking lot between here and “the mayor's residence”, as it were. The latter is lighted this evening, spraying an almost moon-like glow across the front of the house (I'll see what it does in the living-room when the lights in here go out). If it weren't such a pain, all this “fighting the darkness”, it would be humourous... “Decorating the down-town business district”, as it were. Bloody dolts. Well, I suppose with the “new road” now... all black with brilliant yellow and white lines... Gee! New Russia becomes “the place”! (It would be nice to be able to find other quarters, off the “Great White Way”, the “lighted path”... Solace, how-ever, is that the majority of the county are... politically... yes, they are. - Just checked the tracking on the “retrurn” to Amamamamzoon. It's arrived in KY already! Due to be delivered tomorrow! Quick, that. Shame they can't provide the same service for the customers. I have to wait a WEEK before I get the hot-plate. Fuckers. - 24.13 OFF TO BED! Fuck.
Wed.11.Nov: Veterans Day. PEEE-OH IS CLOSED!!! - 9.28 THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR THIS! Other than needed sleep, I suppose, but the alarms sounded, got silenced and coming out of a dream... I got out of the bed at... 9.05! WELL! When I got INTO bed I thought I'd “just nap”, no reason to get up so early but better early than noon. Then I thought, with the shit-show next-door closed, I COULD sleep-in. We see how THAT turned out. And I'm just in from a smoke on the front porch and Ms. Nance O'theHill drove up, got out of the car and said “No mail yet.” and I said “It's closed.” and we talked of “holiday” and off she went. (I'm SO “civil”.) Anyway, the dream:
Night, of course, and I was in Newburgh (or so it was but wasn't) and there was something to do with my car/truck/vehicle that I did-but-didn't have it. And I was in the neighbour-hood of “110 Gidney” but in a police station, chatting and schmoozing with the cops there. I'd been “back for a visit” or some-thing of the sort, but just to pass through, not really to “see” anybody. I don't know why I was in the police station but it was all most congenial. I mentioned, it not being true, that I was to meet “an old friend” whom I hadn't seen in MANY years (LC!) at “The Mount”. The young cop I was talking with was new to town so I clarified “Mount St. Mary's”. He asked “Are you originally from here? I mean HERE, this town?” So I told him of the schools, Union Grove, St. Pat's, South High... NFA. He was positively impressed with the elementary schools and commented “I could tell you're better educated than the rest of them around here.” But when I mentioned NFA, his look was rather “dubious”. “That school is nothing, NOTHING even like it was when I was there! We got an education, back then.” I said. He said “You wouldn't want to go near it these days.” And then he offered to give me a lift up to The Mount! I accepted, though, in fact, I had NO intention of going there. We got into the “squad car” and were driving to the main entrance, through several streets which would have been, in reality, NOT the way to The Mount from the “station house”. It was, in the dream, quite a distance away. As we approached, I thought “This is WAY out of the way. I don't know why I didn't simply ask for a lift to the station (train/bus/non-specific in the dream). Oh well... I'll have a LOT of walking to do but it'll pass some time. I just hope I make it for at least ONE train/bus before the last one leaves.” At that moment, I didn't have a vehicle of my own (as will be in dreams). When we arrived at the entrance, I thanked the cop for the lift and was about to get out of the car, knowing damned-well that there was NOBODY there to be met... feeling a bit anxious about the walk I had to take to get to “the station” and... I woke.
It was a pleasant dream, so... but... again... as usual... I wonder what was going on in my mind to elicit it. - And here I am, having coffee... - It's quite comfy out there this over-cast morn. I've got the front door open! But THIS is the FINAL day of double-digit temperatures and rain is supposed to commence in a bit... an continue through the day. Alas. - FUCKING SHAME THAT MY EYES HAVE GONE SO FUCKING BAD! EVERY-THING, AS I DRIVE ALONG, IS “BLURRED AT THE EDGES” SO THAT A DRIVE TO JUST ABOUT ANY-WHERE IS NO LONGER A PLEASURE! IT'S BEEN LIKE THAT FOR A COUPLE OF MONTHS AND JUST GETS WORSE. (I'll have to try wearing glasses... but I really don't want to do that. This is going to be “interesting” come license re-newal... in 2025... fuck.) - And... I hear “thudding” next door. Julius? Jeff? What-the-fuck ever. They're rather “common” next-door... I wonder how much of my activity here can be heard over there. If none, I can accept that they don't know that I hear all their activities... but I don't doubt the sound of my music and lap-top goes over there so I imagine it known: the walls in this place are shit. Oh well... it's shelter and I've “come home to die” any-way. - So there we have it. Wed., 11 Nov. 2020, “Veterans' Day”. - They're working on the road again and... it's time to “move along” or... what-ever. - 19.42 Aside from wasting HOURS with fucking “Google Voice” A-FUCKING-GAIN this evening... the ONLY thing I managed to 'accomplish” with this entire day is to move the board from the bed-side to the stove-top, cover it with foil, put the board from the living-room “table” in the bed-room and that's that. The fucking Google number isn't ringing again... now I have to have Woodhauler's calls transferred to SKYPE! AND... the Woodhauler number won't even SEND calls! I'm fucking fed-up. Really! AND then... the Internet is s fuck... can't get videos to play... they won't load. The hot water pressure in the kitchen is almost nil. NOT exactly a grand day. And “meal”? 3/4 of a pizza and some ice cream. I'm having first hot water now. And tonight... WILL BE A SHOWER! AND THERE HAD BETTER BE HOT WATER PRESSURE BECAUSE IF NOT... I'M CALLING AN INSPECTOR... THROUGH STEFANIK'S OFFICE! AND... the “wreath” on the pole at the corner is lit... so the fucking place is starting to look like Times Square. - MY ONLY SOURCE OF PEACE IS YONAH... I SAW HER ACTUALLY “FLYING” IN THE CAGE TODAY! HER WING IS PRETTY BADLY INJURED. I CAN SEE THAT WHEN SHE RAISES IT. BUT HER LITTLE LEG IS DOING SO MUCH BETTER AND SHE'S EATING THE NEW FOOD AND GRIT! SO... AT LEAST THAT'S GRAND NEWS! - Well... just had to re-set the lap-top and Internet so let's see how it's working. NO going to bed at mid-night again tonight! FUCK! - 20.38 And the thumping and banging next door re-commence. I'm at wits' end tonight with all the bull-shit & fuckerie around here. IT BOTHERS ME TO KNOW THAT YONAH HAS TO HEAR THIS BULL-SHIT! THERE'S NO SANE REASON TO BANG ON THE WALLS AT THIS FUCKING HOUR! But... I know the child's history... I know the child's grand-father... Trash begets trash. It's obvious too, by the shit on the back gallery over there, the “syringes” in the drive. Yep... Alden's got his “usual” in there and I NEED TO GET OUT! - Oh... and it appears Utoob is down tonight... owned by Ggl so I wonder if the 2 aren't connected with the bull-shit of the evening. - AND... the “crunching-banging thumping-thudding” and what sounds like hammering runs along. Ah... one of these days... Good thing Yonah's here... my revenge would other-wise be a thing of Hell. - 23.04 Water done. Naproxen taken. Waiting For God episodes watched. And now... a shower, quick tho it might be. Fuck! If banging about the walls is acceptable... so is bathing.
Thu.12.Nov: NO PM NAPROXEN (*11.29: JUST OFF ON-LINE CHAT WITH TYLER OF FedLoan: RE-CERT NOVEMBER 2021!!!) 9.17 Another morning... out of bed at 8.00. Disgusting. And cloudy. And about 7°. Oh well. And almost 30 minutes on the bowl for... practically nothing. Pain in the lower-right. That came about last night and when I woke for 5am pee, it was rather “sharp”. Always “some-thing”. But I got right out of bed, dressed and on with the “routine” of coffee, &c. There's nothing, really, on an “agenda” for today. Chilly and over-cast, may as well get to the robe, at least. There's that, the sign and still, all those pallets in the garage that need to be broken-down and made into a chair... ah, a chair. A missing bit of living-room furnishings. Shame, really, that I have a fleeting interest in it but that's about the extent of it. I was looking forward to having “fun” with it. Can't imagine where that notion disappeared to. - Ah, and the pee-oh is opening... banging of door and thwacking against the wall. Well, last night I re-re-posted my “want” of residence on a “new” account on Crgslst back up North. If it means a place with-out all this bull-shit of lights all over, no “night”, getting away from the bull-shit fuckerie of banging on the walls and screeching banshees in the mornings, I'll have to trade-off these mountains for the flat-lands of the “border”. Fine. - Meanwhile, just getting to first “actual” coffee. Have been in to “chat” with Yonah this morning. She's looking well. Tomorrow will be a month she's been here. Her leg is much improved. I never would have expected that! To think I was wondering if it would need to be amputated. Just goes to show: the stupidity of human-kind. She's walking and bouncing about on it now and standing quite well. She stretches her wings, though the left one still doesn't “set” quite “right”. Hopefully that too will heal properly. I'd VERY MUCH LOVE to see her take flight in the warm, Spring air, to be re-united with her own. As I'm thinking of it... November to March... hopefully. By March, she should be in grand shape, ready to take to the air. My hope, wish, dream, desire. (Now, if *I* can hold out long enough...) - Anyway... the banshee screeching commences. Time to get on with things round here. Not expecting any “deliveries” until next week. We shall see. (No doubt, a bill will be delivered, if anything. Hopefully there's enough in the account to cover. If yes? Delightful. If no? Oh well... at least I TRY to keep up with it... and I pay when able... un-like the parasites who, I'm to understand, simply say “I can't pay this” and let it roll. WHY I'm being SO responsible is anybody's guess. It makes no matter any more these days. This is the age of the “Leech”... Hell! Even the USPS mooches off me... I'm working on that though. - On with the day. - I'm feeling.., the usual: would rather just go back to bed... but won't. - 11.29 Only a flyer from AAA in today's post. There's an actual LIST of items due, books, hot-plate, sink sprayer, ALL of which are “due” at some points next week. Fuck. And the hot-plate hasn't even SHIPPED yet! Oh well... nothing I can do about any of it. Kubler-Ross is in Albany and “due in 2 days”, as usual. It takes those imbeciles 2 days to deliver from Albany. I could drive down in an hour. Oh, never mind. - Meanwhile, it's gone quite chilly out there and still “dreary”. I'm about to do “tea” and vits. and have a shit with Ms. Yonah and work on the robe. Another day... fucked. At least there's no “need” to go out today. - 16.08 Almost time to start “meal prep”. Another day... fucked. But I HAVE gotten more work done on the robe. It's going a lot longer than I'd anticipated... and it IS MUCH lighter in weight than my “first”... may they who took it, rot. Oh well. As I keep telling my-self: LET IT GO! NONE of it is EVER coming back. It's gone... as it was with all those who fled Germany, leaving house, home and all behind... and went on to “be”. I almost typed “live”, but I doubt any-body actually “lives”, with the constant memories. With me, I can't help but think: I didn't have a “luxurious” existence. I had what I needed and precious little else. Just the essentials... “functional”. Yes, I enjoyed what I had... tremendously. There was other, better that I would have liked to have had, but what I did manage to get, I enjoyed. And then it was “taken”, one way or another. The last time was the worst. I don't even regret that from which I walked away. Of course, by then, it was all in one room, tiny, not much larger than my bed-room is today. Some of it was costly. Some of it was “dear to me”. But there wasn't much of it. And then came the “locker”, and a metal, “industrial” bed with a plastic mattress and pillow... on linens that had been slept on by un-imaginable likes. I suppose THAT was the “turning point”, the moment when I came to “let go” as much as I have done. Oh well. Truth is: “THIS” won't be much longer and when I'm gone, ALL that I have is so easily disposable. And that's what matters most. There'll be no “hoarding”, grabbing, nothing that will require all sorts of effort to dispose of. A simple trip or 2 to the local dump and it's done and gone. That's that. - And now... to wait until it's “meal time”. Soup and the one slice of pizza tonight. I don't want too much too heavy until what's “in there” is gone. If I knew I could handle it, I'd go completely liquid for a while. (If I had a blender... but not right now... AFTER the new counter-top cooker arrives.) - OK... at least I got the FedLoan attended and the work on the robe. Tomorrow I'll call the “Medicare” guy and thank him and close that matter out. Not taking it. Not taking ANY chances on mucking-up what is now, working fine. - I'm wondering what next month's income will be. Should be about 14$ more. Big fucking deal that, 14$. But it's just that much more a month... and ANY “more” is PERFECTLY MUCH BETTER than ANY-THING 'less”! - 22.54 Well, of course I got carried away again... AGAIN!!! BUT....
NOTICE! THE HOT-PLATE IS DUE TO ARRIVE TOMORROW!!!!
HEAP was awarded today, last year, but I just checked “my benefits” and there's NO record on-line! But I'd called DSS and they had all the info as of last week so... And I didn't get a notice from HEAP. And tonight, it's 0° now and down to -1 and the furnace is running and... well...
Fine... there'll be a fuck-up, I've no doubt.
I'm happy though, that the cook-top will be here (hopefully) tomorrow! No more moving shit about (the “board”) to cook, as I had to do tonight to heat a fucking pot of soup, which is what I had for meal, with the slice of pizza.... and ice cream, of course. I'm going to try a “soft/liquid” diet for a bit and hope it'll “get things moving” a bit better. HOPEFULLY THIS fucking cook-top WORKS PROPERLY AND FOR A LONG WHILE! - Managed to NOT snooze after meal this evening. Had my 2 beakers of hot water and was going to check some “Waiting For God” but I'm going to bed right after last smoke (which I thought I'd had before I got distracted with checking the HEAP situation) and teeth. I'm tired... really. - DID get a little more sewing done on the robe after meal this evening. Still not “enough” but moving along. Tomorrow I'll have more “ambition” with the excitement of the stove-top (which had BETTER BE IN PERFEFCT CONDITION). - Most of the books are due through next week as is the new kitchen sprayer. Keep the pee-oh-qunt busy. - No responses about a new place yet. Oh well... - So time to pee, smoke, brush... BED! Another day... gone by so quickly! - MUST ADD... Yonah was SO CUTE today! I sat with her for a while this after-noon as I sewed and she was all over the cage... and PREENING! SO PRECIOUS! It was almost as if she was happy to have the company! Not “nervous”... actually happy! And her left leg is SO much better these days. The under-side of her left wing looks a bit “rough”... she raises it from time-to-time and Ii can see that there's something “wrong” yet. And it doesn't “settle” correctly on her body. I HOPE the damage isn't permanent! And she's eating the new food... except the “fruit and veggie” bits. Well... that's to be expected. But she's taking the grit so she's getting calcium and a few more vits. and minerals. Building strength! I'm glad for that. (She'll need another house-keeping come the week-end too... thankfully. I SURELY don't mind. She's eating. Her little bowels are moving well and the “results” appear to be “healthy”. Precious, PRECIOUS little LOVE! - OK... NOW... I've pee'ed... will smoke, teeth and BED! Let's see if I can't get up before 9.00 tomorrow! Damnit! - One more point: I'm going to try to titre-down the Naproxen and see if that doesn't help with the “back pain”. Naproxen does a number on kidneys and liver so... let's see if I can sleep through tonight with-out. If so, I'll take one in the morning then try to get down to only one per day again. See what happens. Oh, with the vitamins (5gm C, &c.) SOMETHING MUST be “OK” in this. (I'll have to check and see if I need to get anything else. ZINC IS DEFINITELY OUT!)
Fri.13.Nov: YONAH HAS BEEN HERE A MONTH
(Note: at 21.17 tonight I caught my-self... I'd literally, mentally, slipped back to Roosa Gap! Sitting here, in New Russia, in some manner, in my mind, I was in the little house on the mountain, on the Roosa Gap road. I thought of stepping out and taking a walk down the Echo road, and, for that briefest of moments, thought about how to dress and where I'd go... But seriously... for that brief segment of time, MY MIND SLIPPED... SLIPPED BACK TO ROOSA GAP! WTF?)
8.09 -1/-3°, frosty on the ground and the “hi-way crew” is already at it again. More “edging”, this time, across the road. Honestly! Freezing weather and they're pouring some sort of cement. 6°, I see, is to be our “high” and clouds all through. Charming. (Friday the 13th... what-ever...) A lot of 5° in the forecast, a -6 in there for the coming week. But, thankfully, no minus-double-digits... yet. - I was up at about 4.00 this morning. Then again at 5.00 and 5.30 and... 7.45 which is about when I decided to get out of bed. I was just TOO tired to get up earlier. What I need to do is get to bed at a civil hour. Right. Sure. - Anyway, I skipped the Naproxen last night, in an attempt to “titre-down”, with consideration of kidneys and liver and... this morning, we're back to the “light-headedness” and “pressure” in the chest. I HAVE to wonder... indeed, I do. - Ah, but then there was a “dreamlette” just before waking:
I was in a “schoolish” sort of building. Not sure why, exactly, but there I was. Attending some sort of some-thing or another... classes, perhaps. I was an adult and it may well have been a “university”. What-ever... the point is, I'd gone into the locker-room for some reason. It was approaching time to leave for the end of the semester and we, the student-body, were all engaged in “packing it in”. All was going well until I'd gathered my belongings and stepped out into the hall-way... I HAD NO IDEA WHERE I WAS! The halls were configured differently than I recalled, I'd NO idea how to get to any of the exits, let alone, to another corridor or room. I walked out, into the immediate hall and another student who, apparently, knew me well-enough, came by and asked “Are you alright?” I must have even looked confused. “Not really.” I said, rather calmly, “I have NO idea where I am! Seriously. Literally. Actually. No idea at all.” She, the student, looking quite concerned said “This isn't good at all.” No panic, just serious concern. “Don't worry. We'll take care of it.” and she stood there as I walked away saying, “No, this isn't good at all. But I'll figure it out. I have to figure it out.” I wasn't in a “panic”, I was just rather anxious more than anything else, and I walked along the corridor, past many lockers along the walls and past the intersecting side corridors. I found my way to a “cafeteria” sort of room, large, windowed walls. I could see out-side, but even that didn't look familiar. I decided to get something to eat or drink or something (non-specific) and as I was at the cashe to pay, a young gal, dark brown hair, stranger, came up from behind me and stood against me. I looked at her, a touch annoyed and yet curious and she simply smiled at me... “knowingly”, as it were. She knew of my little dilemma. Looking up at the guy and older woman at the cashe I said “It's gonna be like this then, is it?” meaning, they're ALL just going to stay by me to make sure I'm OK, in spite of the fact that I didn't actually “know” anybody in the place and had never befriended nor been befriended by any of them. The “person” at the cashe looked at me, with a 'knowing” smile and said “That's how we are around here.” I understood it to mean that they knew and were concerned and would make sure I was OK. Meanwhile, I was quite bothered by it all, wondering what, exactly, had happened to me because, other than this lapse, I'd been perfectly fine and even at the moment felt perfectly fine... other-wise. And... in my anxiety, I woke.
In retrospect, I just wondered, this morning, if I wasn't having one of those “episodes” I'd been having, almost regularly... the light-headedness, dizziness, un-settled “episodes” in my sleep. Well then! Goodness me! So, this morning, with “1st coffee”, I've taken a Naproxen because THAT was the ONLY actual change in my present “routine”... not taking the “evening dose”. - OK. So I've been to see Ms. Yonah who was in her nest this morning. The furnace is running, running, running... thermostat set at 18° (OK... 65F). It's not “cold” in here and I was out for a “half smoke” and it wasn't really “COLD” out there either. Not exactly “tropical” but... - Last night, what kept me up until about 23.30 was more “research”...
*** I'm to understand that mourning doves mate from February to October (so “the season” is now done, for several months) BUT... the mated couple actually NEST TOGETHER... THEY SLEEP TOGETHER AT NIGHT. The male usually perched on a limb and the female, especially if there are eggs, in the nest. Other-wise, they'll nest together. POOR YONAH! AND THEY'RE KNOWN TO MOURN THE LOSS OF A MATE! SHE'S ALONE NOW, and it breaks my heart. HOW-EVER, ON ONE “FORUM”/SITE, THERE WERE MANY COMMENTS FROM PEOPLE ABOUT HOW MUCH THEY LOVE THEIR MOURNING DOVES AND ONE FELLOW ACTUALLY POSTED THAT HE'D BROUGHT AN INJURED ONE IN, WAS “ATTENDING” TO THE INJURIES AND WOULD BE SETTING THE LITTLE ONE FREE... “WHEN THE WARMER WEATHER CAME ROUND AGAIN”!!! There are no follow-ups or any pertinent info, suggestions, recommendations, &c. But there was also mention of mourning doves being seen, in the North, in Winter, with frostbite and missing toes! Apparently, the youngest birds will migrate first, then the females, next, the males, but MANY males will remain through the Winter, perhaps holding claim to their “mating ground” and they'll stay, in spite of the bitter cold and the resulting injuries! *** AND, I'm to understand, that mourning doves are “Federally protected” and that, for NO reason/excuse, is it permissible to “keep” one UNLESS one obtains a “special permit” which involves some sort of “training” or another, to prove that one knows what to do with the bird! The fines are up-wards of 20-25000$! Yeah? Well... considering the “info” that I received from “Eric-across-the-way” that “they won't take a dove” AND that the closest “avian vet” is in VT some 100mi. away... AND, that in spite of the “Federal protection” and that it's illegal to do so, mourning doves are a popular “sport shoot”... FUKKEM... FUKKEMALL! Ms. Yonah will remain here, protected and cared for and about until such time as weather presents no “frostbite” threats to her AND she's able to fend by way of proper flight. Fucking “government” bull-shit fuckerie. What, with the recent “decrees” related to this alleged “killer virus” (“COVID-19” “Corona virus”) and the “governor” threatening all sorts of fines and penalties and punishments for “gatherings” and “groups” over 10... in “private residences” and “mandates” for facial masks and no, one can't remove the bark of felled white birch trees and now this, with the mourning doves... Ignorance is bliss... and FUKKEM! As I say: When “they” pay the rent and heating and utilities, and all the rest that goes along with basic necessities, THEN, perhaps, they can start barking. Until such time... FUKKOFF! - And so, I was just in to open the curtain for Ms. Yonah and she “showed” me her wing. It's looking quite nice. Not perfect, but MUCH better. Today is 1 month. Sadly, there are at least 4 more until better weather. But this one passed quickly (for me, any-way). Hopefully we'll BOTH manage to pull through the rest. I'll miss her when she goes, but... - As for the day? Well... the stove-top is due this evening. Nothing else is expected. And I MUST get MUCH MORE work done on the robe! At the very least. So... with that in mind, as the usual “chill comes floating across my legs under the table and across my face from time-to-time” and the qunt next door commences her usual thrashing about (THIS SHIT REALLY NEEDS TO GO!)... another day begins. (And the furnace kicks again... I'll HAVE to go down and check the oil today... I wonder where the HEAP is! FUCK!) - 10.08 JUST WENT TO CHECK THE OIL... *JUST BELOW THE 3/4 MARK!!!* THAT'S A RELIEF! I EXPECTED TO SEE, AT BEST, HALF A TANK! WOW! JUST COMPELTELY IMPROVED MY ENTIRE BEING! Of course, we had a week of incredibly warm days and no heat use. BUT I'M RELIEVED IT ISN'T DOWN TO HALF... YET!!!* - In other news: a fairly good BM too. - OH... and in even OTHER news... IF my calcs are correct, the new “stove-top”, if used daily, for 3 hours... it uses only about 40 cents/month in electric! I'm pretty sure the stove used MUCH more. So... thus far, good news on this Friday! (May it be true... and continue!) - Now... on with the day! Just finishing morning coffee... and I believe the Naproxen has helped with the “heaviness” in the chest too! - Schalger on. The day is rolling. - OH! According to “Tracking”, Kubler-Ross AND Trump flags are in the box! YAY! We shall see... I'm not going out there until the qunt is gone. If so, THE book that I'm looking forward to reading, the flags AND the stove-top? Quite the day ahead! With the “discovery” of the fuel and this... (I wonder: will my HEAP notice come today too? Let's not push it.) - 11.52 KUBLER-ROSS ARRIVED (a “Pastoral Care” library copy from “Worcester Memorial Hospital”) in relatively good condition. AND the “Trump 2020” flags too! In excellent condition. Now... let's hope the stove-top arrives as well. - Nothing from HEAP though... and that's quite a concern. - Twtr has been amusing, thought-provoking and annoying this morning. - And so... “tea time” arrives. It's been another non-stop morning and already it's gone! I NEED to get to work on the robe here... as soon as tea is done! - Thankfully, I looked at the oil and there's a “healthy” supply for the cold ahead. It's a “comfort” and consolation. - Moving along now.... - 12.37 Just getting “tea” together and went to put the book-shelf in order to discover I HAVE TWO COPIES OF KUBLER-ROSS! (Interesting: one is marked 4,95 and the other 6,95... and they're identical.) WHAT? I TRULY AM LOSING MY MIND! Well, I did entertain the notion of getting another copy to send to Theresa... I'll send her an e-mail and ask if she's interested. But I can't recall WHEN I'd ordered the first... although I vaguely recall thinking ONE of them was ordered as “hard-cover”... OH! My mind... my existence! Gee... this morning's DREAM! Here we go! I'm “lost in the corridors. - 16.44 House-keeping round the house is done... BUT MY JOY AND CELEBRATION OF YONAH'S “FLIGHT” FROM THE KITCHEN TO HER ROOM HAS JUST BEEN SHATTERED!!! BLOOD ON THE CURTAINS! SHE FLEW INTO THE WINDOW AND WAS UNDER THE DESK WHEN I GOT HER TO PUT HER BACK IN HER CLEAN HOME! I DIDN'T NOTICE ANY INJURY AT THE TIME BUT JUST NOW, WHEN I WENT IN TO SEE HER, I NOTICED THE BLOOD! SHE'S “CALM”... TOO CALM, RIGHT NOW. MY HEART IS IN MY THROAT, MY GUTS ARE A MESS. NO!!!! FATE WOULDN'T *DARE* PULL THIS SHIT!!! ANDIF THERE'S SOME SORT OF “DIVINE DIETY” AND IT PULLS THIS SHIT... WELL... ANY “FAITH” I MIGHT HAVE HAD IS TURNED TO “HATE” AND “REPULSION”! NO!!! NOT NOW! NOT TODAY! NO MORE INJURIES TO THIS LITTLE BIT OF LIFE! NO! JUST FUCKING NO!!!
As I was cleaning, Alvin was raking. He came over to ask if he could “use” one of the pallets in the garage to put the picnic tables, from the park, onto, for the Winter. I was (am?) quite impressed... ASKED! Well of course! And I helped bring the 2 tables in as well. How “nice” of me. - And I'm just waiting for the arrival of the stove-top. But seriously, with the incident with Yonah... I'd rather just have a drink (or some), go to sleep until morning and HOPE HOPE HOPE that she's OK... I'll check to see if she's eating. FUCK! Just FUCK! -
22.29 2nd v-cran in and not having a “good time” of it. Had a “chat” with Yonah. It really is ... interesting... She's become my “ALL”. I sat with her, under the light of the torch reflecting on the ceiling. She was awake... on her “perch”. I CAN'T BEAR THE THOUGHT OF HER SUFFERING ANY MORE! IT GNAWS AT MY SOUL! I DIDN'T BRING HER IN HERE TO BLEED! I WANT TO SEE HER THROUGH THE BITTER COLD OF WINTER AND OFF TO FLYING FREE IN THE WARMTH OF SPRING! I FUCKING CURSE ANY FUCKING “GOD” SHIT! I CURSE “FUCKING FATE”! I CURSE WHAT-EVER IT IS THAT CURSES ME AND WHAT-EVER CAUSES THAT DELICATE, BEAUTIFUL LIFE IN THAT ROOM ANY FUCKING MISERY! BLOODY-FUCKING SHIT... THE ENTIRE LOT! IF THERE IS SOME KIND OF “NATURAL ORDER” AND IT'S CAUSING HER ANY INCONVENIENCE OR PAIN... I BLOODY WELL FUCKING DENOUNCE IT! AND... IF SHE “GOES”... SO TOO... DO I! FUCK! - And meanwhile... several episodes of “Waiting For God” and I happened to notice an e-mail from Theresa and... well... the cook-top worked beautifully tonight. Soup was done in MOMENTS! - 23.25 I'm finally wasted Nd going to bed. The thermo is set to 68F for Yonah. If she's not OK in the morning... there's nothing left.
Sat.14.Nov: HEAP
YONAH ACTUALLLY ATE AND COO'ED WHILST I WAS IN THE ROOM!!! :
8.18 Quite the “crash” into sleep last night. Well... all that vodka, no doubt. And this morning, from running nose and sneezing, light-headedness, “pressure” in the chest, pain in the lower-right and generally just a “drag” on existence... here we are, up and dressed and about. Fine. - YONAH appears to be OK this morning. She's eaten already, and was preening moments ago. She “slept” on her “limb” last night, to the best of my knowledge, and is now moved to her nest. Me? I'm still a wreck. It hurts me to know that she may have hurt her-self some or any-how. I went to bed angry, quite angry, with “Creation”. Yes, I understand that she's survived other injuries and disastres and on-sloughts and the likes. She's survived being attacked, her leg and wing damaged, injured, &c. But that she got injured whilst “in my care” is, to me, for me, unforgivable OF me. And yes, I CAN understand that what becomes of BOTH of us is... well... ultimately, we won't “be”. And which one of us ceases first is beyond both of us. And I CAN understand that I've probably interceded and intercepted where I probably have no right, “in the greater scheme of things”... but again... always the “but”, she's here, and *I* WANT her to be well, and flying freely again, to either re-find her mate or find a new one, and get back out there where she'll be able to “cuddle”, as they do, together with him. As for the rest of “Creation”... FUKKIT! This is about what *I* want for HER. And if that makes me “certifiably nuts”, so be it. - And now, the house is quite warm. I'd re-set the thermostat for 68°F last evening. All info on the matter of “recovery” for doves included “warmth”... “a 40-watt bulb” they say. So I'll keep the house warm now, for at least a while, after the “window incident”. Thankfully I've got the ability to do that much. (Although I have to say that the difference in temperature is almost uncomfortably warm for me... I'm adjusting to the “65F”... how charming... and the furnace kicks as I type.) - The front porch thermometer registers 40F I saw when I stepped out for half-smoke this morning. So... there we have it... another day commences. I'm planning on getting to the robe a lot today. No soc.med. and shit. Let's see how far that intention goes. Right now, we're having another “wave” of a slight “episode”. My body's probably angry with me, sloughing all that booze into it last night. If not for Yonah, getting blind drunk and just not waking up is a charming possibility. - 9.33 The morning is rushing along. I've had a “loo break”, thankfully. The furnace is running. There's a strange “machine vibration” noise coming from some-where... either the furnace or the pee-oh. Oh well. This house and all that's going bad with it is grating on my nerves so... I'm off to attend to what-ever I attend today. Fukkit. - 12.52 WELL, THANK THE FATES... *HEAP* NOTICE ARRIVED TODAY! Same as last year: 741,00, 2 deliveries and a little left-over. Of course, I have to check the price again (and I've NO doubt it's back up to at least 3$/gal) but, I should believe there's at least 20 gals. in this year's amount. But what a relief it is to receive it! - AND... I've passed the sun-lit morning with Yonah... in her room, working on the robe, listening to “classical” and “baroque”. She seems to truly enjoy Dvorak! “Song for the Moon”. She perked right up when that played. AND... SHE'S EATING WELL... AND POOPING QUITE FINE AND I SEE NO SIGNS OF INJURY! (Before I went to sleep last night, hand against the wall, I BEGGED to take ALL of her injuries. Perhaps my plea was answered? I can't see HER suffering when I can express mine and figure out what to do about it... not to mention, I can roll into a hospital - to be abused again - BUT THE NEAREST VET FOR HER IS IN VT... 100mi. OR more AWAY WHICH WOULD MEAN PUTTING HER INTO A BOX, IN THE TRUCK, AND WE'D HAVE TO ROLL THERE AND BACK... IN ADDITION TO THE TRAUMA OF THEM. So... if my “ick” today be because of that... I accept it, gladly.) She's quite a bit calmer now, as I sit with her. She laid, soaking in the sun, and actually dozed a bit! Hopefully she's coming to know that I'm not here to harm her. I talk to her from time-to-time, so... - OH! And the NEW SPRAYER came today too! And it's installed. And it's working wonderfully well! MAYBE, by the end of the week-coming, we'll try to see if Yonah would like to splash about! I don't expect it to be “easy” but... write-ups say they like the rain... we shall see. A week of running water through the sprayer should clean it out sufficiently. (I don't mind washing dishes and such, but I don't want Yonah to get any “residues” on her.) - OK... Tea time and hopefully more work on the robe. At least I'm getting SOME-THING done with this day... and the HEAP is such a relief. - (I still feel like shit. Attributing it to the vodka. Well, it isn't as if I didn't know in advance.) - 15.51 Well, the work on the robe is done for the day... it's been ALL day... AND... IN THE ROOM WITH YONAH WHO... AT 15.40, AS I SAT SEWING, ACTUALLY ATE, WITH ME SITTING RIGHT THERE, BESIDE HER HOUSE!!! AND, WHEN SHE'D DONE EATING, EVERY SO QUIETLY, SHE COO'ED!!! WE'D BEEN “TOGETHER” ALL DAY AS I WORKED IN THE ROOM. I'D BEEN PLAYING THE “CLASSICAL/BAROQUE MUSIC AS I WORKED. SHE OBVOIUSLY LIKE “DVORAK: SONG FOR THE MOON”! BUT THERE WE WERE, ALL DAY, UNTIL JUST NOW, TOGETHER. SHE WAS VERY CALM ALL DAY, BUT EATING AND COO'ING! THAT JUST SHOWS ME THAT SHE'S “ADJUSTING” AND “ADAPTING” TO MY PRESENCE. AND YES, IT DID MAKE ME TEAR. WHAT AN HONOUR, PRIVILEGE, BLESSING! I MUST BE DOING SOME GOOD! - And now it's almost time for “soup” which is “meal” for today. I keep forgetting it's Saturday... no need to “rush” for the 17.00 mark. So... as the sun drops behind the house across the road... maybe a small snooze... to pass the time... and because I didn't take one all day. YAY! - 23.49 I can't believe this hour! And at 19.30, as usual, I was ready for a snooze! But got carried away with “Waiting For God” again. Oh well... Tomorrow's Sunday... no pee-oh. So, I've had my waters, had my Naproxen, won't be showering and I'm off to bed. - Yonah is on her “perch”. The house is nicely warm for her. Blessed little Life that she is. (If she's “taken” from me... I've nothing left.) - “Wind warnings” e-mail from NYSEG this evening. 9.00 is expected to be blust'ry. Of course... there's COLD coming, no doubt. Oh well... At least there's oil in the tank, money on the account from HEAP and Yonah will be well-attended. And tomorrow, I'll work on the robe with her.
Sun.15.Nov: 8.20 Slept well-enough last night. Woke to over-cast “Northern” skies and
YONAH IS PASSING UN-DIEGESTED SEEDS! THE CORNER WHERE SHE PERCHES AT NIGHT IS LOADED WITH UN-DIGESTED SEEDS! AND SHE'S RATHER “LETHARGIC” THIS MORNING! AND THE “LIQUID” PART OF HERE STOOLS IS “BROWN”! I'VE JUST LOOKED IT UP AND THERE ARE ALL SORTS OF POSSIBLE “CAUSES”, ALL OF WHICH REFER TO “BRING HER TO A VET IMMEDIATELY”! 100 MILES AWAY? I'M NOW WORRIED, CONCERNED AND ANGRY-AS-ALL-HELL! NO “AVIAN” VETS CLOSER THAN 100 MILES AWAY?!? AND THE “IF IT WERE A....” SOME SORT OF LARGE BIRD OF PREY AND THE LIKES... WTF? I FEEL SO “ALONE” NOW, NOT KNOWING WHAT TO DO AND FACING THE MOMENT WHEN SHE'LL BE DEAD. THE “DEAD” DOESN'T BOTHER ME AS MUCH AS THE “SUFFERING BEFORE”! I'D PLANNED ON SPENDING MUCH TIME WITH HER TODAY, ME, WORKING ON THE ROBE AND SUCH. AND NOW I'M TORN BETWEEN LEAVING HER ALONE TO “HEAL” AND BEING WITH HER SO AS NOT TO SIMPLY “ABANDON” HER. “LIFE”... I'M EVEN REJECTING HOUSE-PLANTS... “LIFE” IN THE HOUSE OTHER THAN MINE... IT'S BECOMING OPPRESSIVE. -
Well... I suppose I've no choice, really, other than “wait and see”... And all I keep “seeing”, in my thoughts, is the blood on the curtains when she slammed into the window. It's a “hateful” Sunday morning, this. - Meanwhile, me... I suppose I'm “OK” this morning. My chest is a bit “heavy”... not the “miserable heavy” of some mornings, but enough to be aware of it. So much for a “peaceful Sunday morning”. Coffee's done, I'm dressed, in from a smoke and... - 13.06 “Tea time”... vits. and shits. - One more “shoulder” on the robe to “blanket stitch”, then run a hem along the front and the robe will be “wearable”. Not “finished”, but “wearable”. And I've spent the morning with Ms. Yonah. Changed the paper that had the “seeds” on it, to keep notice of “future developments”, as it were. And have changed her food back to the original “Wild Seed”... with fresh water. She's been “puffed” most of the morning, with the brief exception of when the sun shone in. I do NOT like this! At ALL! Readings on the matter indicate that she should have “90°F” when ill. So the radiator is on in her room... I put the thermometer in there to check, but I KNOW it's a LOT warmer in there than in the rest of the house. But that's FINE! So long as it helps her in any way. We didn't have music or any sort of “sound” this morning. Keeping it as quiet as possible (until the wreck next door comes back in and starts with the “banging” about.. I honestly will NEVER understand what people do that necessitates wall-banging in their place of domicile). - I'm going to give the Twts a try... post to an “avian vet”, if there's one out there. See if I can get ANY sort of supportive input. I'm CERTAINLY NOT counting or relying on it but if I don't try... - Other-wise, I'm feeling a bit “off” today m'self. Not “ill”. Just not “well”. Feeling a touch “run down”. Weather? Could be. “Damage” from the vodka? Could be, No telling. Oddly enough, I treat me as I treat Yonah... trial land error with what's available. (Though, if there were a competent vet about, I'd be bringing her, to be sure.) - It's all a matter of the “same”: Time will tell. Meanwhile... oatmeal, vits. and... back to the robe today. At least I'll get that much done. - Still trying to figure how to send the book to Theresa with-out going next door... Hmmm... -
14.11 JUST CHECKED-IN WITH Ms. YONAH AND... SHE'S EATEN! NOW... LET'S HOPE SHE DIGESTS! AND IT'S 23° IN HER ROOM. NOT THE “RECOMMENDED” 32, BUT SHE'S NOT ALL PUFFED AND IT IS MUCH BETTER FOR HER, I'M SURE! (I have suck fucking HOPE!) - 16.52 YONAH IS EATING! I JUST CHECKED AND SHE'S SHITTING “REGULAR”!!! NO SEEDS! AND... WITH THE RADIATOR HAVING BEEN SET AT “5”, THE TMPERATURE IN HER ROOM WAS UP TO 29°!!!! WOW! (I'VE RE-SET TO “3” TO TRY THAT FOR A WHILE.) HER “FACE” LOOKS A BIT “PALE” THOUGH. I CAN'T QUITE FIGURE THAT OUT. I MEAN... FEATHERS SHOULDN'T “FADE” THAT QUICKLY. IT MIGHT BE THE LIGHT. I HAVE THE “DESK LIGHT” ON FOR HER. WAS LOOKING INTO IT AND GIVING THEM MORE LIGHT IS RECOMMENDED. OK. FINE! IF IT KEEPS HER HEALTHY. OH, AND I DUMPED THE “NEW” FOOD INTO THE BACK FEEDER AND PUT IN THE “WILD” SEED SHE'D BEEN EATING. LET'S SEE HOW IT WORKS OUT. MEAN-WHILE, I'M QUITE THRILLED TO SEE HER ON HER PERCH, HAVING EATEN AND SHITTING “NORMAL” AGAIN!
- Soup (again) is on the cooker for tonight's “meal”. Scream of mushroom (that “S” was a typo... I'm leaving it in) with veggies and 3 eggs and a slice of bread. Ice cream will follow. - HAD to turn the house thermostat back to 65F. I honestly can't take it much warmer. “Adjusting” quite nicely, me, to the “Northern mountain” temperatures, one might think. - And now... for “Sunday dinner”... BFD. But little Yonah seems to be doing well so I'm happy. - The electric I use to warm her room is balanced by, I'm SURE, the lower use on the hot-plate, which again, this evening, is working very well, indeed. Let's hope it continues... for at least, the next couple of years... if I'm to continue... for the next couple of years. - 23.12 Binged on “Waiting For God” again... damnit! But had my waters and Naproxen and a bit of yoghurt. Managed to stitch the shoulders on the robe and pin the front hems for the raw edges. - Yonah appears to be on her perch, in a room that's amazingly warm. The rest of the house is comfy. But all the write-ups said to keep her warm, and so she is. It's raining now, but there's a threat of some snow over-night so she's got the heat and I'm glad for it. Honestly, I dread her not making it through Winter. The very thought of her dying here, in the cage... it's gnawing at me. I SO want to see her flying freely, off to her mates and such, in grand weather, off through the trees. And I have to wonder: If there's some sort of a “benevolent” some-what-ever, is having to see her suffer so in order to torture me for some more reasons? And denying me the simple joy of seeing her flying away... more bull-shit fuckery? I keep trying to remind my-self, as “Tom Ballard” said this evening: We're born, we mate, we produce those who are to replace us, and we die. Well, it's true... though some, as Tom accused Diana of, skip the the 2 parts in the middle. BUT... the fact is, ALL are born and eventually, ALL die... some leaving many years of joy... and others rejoicing in the ending of the misery. I'll just continue hoping Yonah gets better. Tomorrow, I'll head out and get a glass pie plate or some sort of dish for her to bathe in. Maybe that'll help. Her feathers are starting to look a bit “ragged” at the edges. I'm not going to dare a trip to the sink right now. So maybe a little “dip”. Maybe I can get a dish for her cage for now. I'll have to look. - If I get the book wrapped in the morning, I'll take it to the PO in Westport, post it from there and head to Ticonderoga, Walmarde for the “bathing dish”. The weather's supposed to be on the chilled side, but rain. We shall see. - Right now, 'tis time for a SHOWER and BED! What “tomorrow” fucking throws in my face will be known when it all comes slamming at me... and I've no doubt, there'll be a MASSIVE SHIT-LOAD! - 24.00 Showered, last post to soc.med. r/t masks. Checked Yonah... on her perch. Rumbling from fuktard next-door (gee, I wonder if the shower disturbed... fukking moron). Can't live in peace. (I worry more about disturbing Yonah, quite honestly.) Well? Let the shit-show commence! In the morn... in the morn... in the morn.
Mon.16.Nov: 0.02 TO BED! - 9.15 We are up... dressed, and already rolling along. Woke to the alarm, turned it off, dozed
********** I have to type this on the ATT phone because the fuckling, bloody Dell key-board is fucked again! But I've posted the bull-shit on the Twtr. Oh yes, those "Please DM" shit replies. I did. On the time-line! Fukkers! I'm tired of this shit. - Meanwhile, at 14.30 I headed to Westport and posted Theresa's book and got the new "Winter scenes" postage. Nice PO, Westport. Well, that done, headed to Port Henry and decided to just go on to Walmart! I GOT A GLASS PIE PLATE THAT FITS INTO YONAH'S CAGE! SHE CAN SPLASH IN THE WATER (IF SHE''D LIKE TO)! MAYBE, IF SHE'S WELL TOMORROW, I'LL WARM HER ROOM AND GIVE IT A TRY! I HOPE SHE'LL ENJOY IT! SWEET LITTLE BUNDLE OF LOVE! And I "splurged" and got a cutting board (which I washed and used this evening, to xut bread for tonight's soup... and, of course, the knife DID put a slice in it). Onky about 8$ spent! Not too horrid. When I got out of Walmarde, it was getting dark so I headed to Port Henry... 11$ in gas and... on the way to Westport, got stuck behind 2 large trucks, rolling at 25mph! And the dash went dark on the truck! Yonah at home, in the dark, heater off! I came straight home. Tomorrow morning, market and smokes. But I rolled in at about 17.10 and there she was... Funny, but the paper towels in the centre of her cage were out of place. Looked like she was annoyed that I wasn't there. I changed them and she just watched... Calmly. -
So, soup with veggies again, tonight, ice cream after. Watched the last episode of "Waiting For God"... Oh well. Posted (shit-fit posted) my aggravation to Dell & Microsoft on Twtr and had my water. Started "Red Dwarf" episodes on Dailymotion but it's now 21.37 (it's taking me this long to tap into my gmx e-mail on the phone), 3 smokes in the house. I'll have 1, brush my teeth & go to bed. - HEY! AT LEAST YONAH IS STILL OK! AND SHE'LL BE WARM TONIGHT. - Oh... A light flurry this evening JUST as I rolled past the Boquet Cemetery! Reminded me of last Winter, walking back from market and into a short squall at about the same place! What a difference... I was warm and dry... in the truck this time. - Well, 21.42 and dip-shit's next door banging about. It'd been fine until now. FUCKING RETARD! Quiet until ficking bed-time. Oh... The trash! Pisses me off... That's Yonah's room! Imagine if I'd taken it as the bed-room too! Fuck.
**********
(WELL! THAT WAS THE “COPY-PASTE” FROM THE PHONE AND SUMS-UP THE FUCKING DAY!)
Tue. 17.Nov: 8.50 TWO FULL SCANS, over-night AND an “off-line”, and the keys STILL aren't “fully functional”! But, thanks to the phone, the on-line assault against Dell continues this morning! - And for this, I got out of bed at 7.30. - Well, at least Yonah is up and about this morning. Dearest Love. - Market and FamDoll on this morning's agenda. - I've been to the loo. First “full coffee” at hand. A “tightness” in the chest and the back this morn. Snow on the mountains, but not here, in “the valley”. And it's above freezing. Oh well. On we roll. - I e-mailed yesterday's “recap”. Let's see if I can't transfer it to here this morning and hopefully get these 14 pages on the lap-top over to the servers. I'm not betting on it. - 9.49 Time to ROLL!!! Managed a bit of soc.med. But MUST get out! - 12.35 THE ELECTRIC BILL IS PAID! AND AT ABOUT 28$ LESS THAN BUDGETED! (Of course, NEXT month will be higher, with the radiator running for Yonah, but I don't mind or care. SHE'S THE BABE!) - And marketing is done! Had to get cash for FamDoll because their “card readers” aren't working, but that's OK. I needed some cash for “dump stickers” any-way. - And THE FUCKING KEY-BOARD IS STILL FUCKING ABOUT! Oh well... another post to the soc.med. I don't expect any sort of remuneration, but if Dell wants to keep fucking with people, then, at least ONE of us will “reciprocate”. - AND YONAH'S “BATH DISH” IS IN THE CAGE! She was all over the place when I put it in but now she's “confining” to the corner. I don't think she knows what to make of it... yet. We shall see. - Tea and vit. time. Will HAVE to put this lap-top Journal on the servers after... before some-thing ELSE goes “fucked” with this lap-top. OH! To think: I COULD get another computer... with a “stimulus” cheque. But that's an impossibility now... Fucking politicians. May they rot... BEFORE they get to Hell! - 22.24 TH4 KYBOAR I FCUKD AGAIN! FUCKC FUCK FUCKEEE FUCKCWWSAENJKSDASFDFNKsdnjkcsxc
Wed.18.Nov: 6.28 Not at all sure why I'm up and about already at this hour, but I woke of my own after a some-wheat restless night. Sciatica! Trying to sleep on the left side, “fecal” position (as Jim Duane used to call it), not breathing well. But it seems to have helped to a point. And the anxiety of the key-board bull-shit.... well, here I am. And of course, the sun isn't up so it's still dark. But I'm dressed and in from a smoke. -6/-12° out there. -2/-6° for the day's “high” with a few clouds to be expected and the keyboard fucking-up again! - Let's see if... - Well... the key-board is FUCKING-UP AGAIN this morning... I've just tried to re-install from on-line. Stopped it when there was no indication of an install... disconnected from Internet. Checked the “log”. Yes, it HAD started but stopped. (6.53 let's try and continue... I'm exhausted already because of this bull-shit!)
The dream I woke from this morning... disturbing... dirty clothes, leaking car... but working in a banque AND some affiliation with the postal service. What's on my mind now?
Wearing good pants of some sort of “mesh” on the outer-aspect of both legs, got splashed and covered in mud. Had to remove and hand-wash at home some-where about 43rd St. But had to be at work at a banque at about 62nd st. Some-how, I was in some sort of “running shorts”, put the pants in a basin to soak and was at the banque, running through the halls. The environment was quite formal, of course, and there I was, in running shorts, white shirt and tie. I wasn't sure where I was going, but I couldn't find the exit and went down one corridor and heard some-body say “This is the cage, where it all happens.” and I thought “I'm NOT going in there. All the money's in there and I won't be in there if any-thing goes missing!” and headed out a door and into the streets. It was night and rainy and wet. I RAN, full speed, thinking that I still had to deliver the mail! A glance at a clock. 7.30, I still had time to get to work and deliver as if nothing happened, but I had to get to the house to get the pants out of the soak. They would dry as I wore them. Passed a white car, parked on some deserted side street. Noticed a leak out the front of it. Thought “What next? This figures. I wonder what's leaking now!” Looking under the front hood noticed that there was no engine in the vehicle! Ah... it wasn't mine! Thankfully. So I kept running, down the street, pretty much half naked, through a “rush-hour” crown. Some noticed me, most didn't. I was still running, through the wet streets, in the early-morning darkness, a drizzle, wondering how long I'd hold with the running when I woke... It was about 5.45. I waited for the first alarm. It sounded. I turned it off, laying in bed wondering if I would be able to get up this morning, with the sciatica and the pain in the lower-right side... couldn't fall back to sleep and decided to just get up. WTAF? Why not? And here I am. - The furnace is running. Thankfully I checked the oil yesterday. Not down to half yet. Pretty great. If it could hold until into December before hitting “half” that would be wonderful. OK... let's see about getting this onto the servers whilst I'm typing. I KNOW this isn't going to last much longer. (Fuck me! Time to seriously look into a new fucking lap-top again! AND... NO “$1200 Stimulus” to look forward to. Seriously... FUCK!) - 7.04 FINALLY MANGED TO QUICKLY GET THE TEXT UP-DATES ONTO THE SERVERS! OK THEN... LET'S ROLL ALONG! - 9.13 Key-board is back to “normal”... thus far. - Now I need a nap before getting to sewing! - Yonah is WELL this morning! Sweetest Love! - 11.07 30-minute snooze... and a dreamlette of
Bright, clear, sunny day. I was in a VERY rural place, in a little house, about a 10-minute walk from the “general store” (but some-how, as dreams will be, in “Country Club”... The Bronx, imagine that... though it was MUCH more rural... with only about 3 houses in the immediate area... more like the OLD Monticello) and I needed some little item, hard-ware or something of the sort. Had walked almost to the “4 corners” where the store was located and realised that I'd forgotten my banque-card and had no money with. Disappointed but not shaken, I turned to walk back to the house and woke up.
Well? The Josh Freed books are in Albany as of yesterday and... “delayed”... AGAIN! FUCKING INCOMPETENTS. MORONS AND IDIOTS. So... on with the sunny day. - I've put Yonah's “bath” in the cage again, whilst the sun shines in through the window. We shall see. BUT HER WING LOOKS SO MUCH IMPROVED! IF NOT FOR THE BITTER COLD, I'D'VE RELEASED HER TODAY. BUT I WILL NOT PUT HER OUT THERE IN THIS COLD... AND TONIGHT IS SUPPOSED TO BE -10! SO... NOPE... YES, IT'S PROBABLY SELFISH OF ME, TO A POINT, BUT IT'S ONLY GOING ON 5 WEEKS... AND SHE TOOK THAT SLAM JUST LAST WEEK. THERE'S TIME. AT LEAST SHE'S EATING AND SHITTING NORMALLY SO... - On with the day. I'll take the sewing into her room. I've turned the radiator off for a while. - 16.52 Used the stock-pot and made... minced beef (with 2 burgers over!), 2 fresh potatoes, half an onion, “stew veggies” with a half bag of “stir fry” veggies... from start to done... under 2 hours! On the new stove-top! Now, a separate pot, noodles, cooking in the “soup” (which can be turned to stew with a bit of flour, but...)! “Meal”! Amazing! And convenient! - AND... I'm almost half-done with the remaining hem on the robe! I spent some time with Yonah today... DISCOVERED HER BLEEDING INJURY.... HER LEFT WING! AT THE JOINT! SHE OPENED THE WOUND WITH HER HYSTERICS WHEN I REMOVED THE “BATH”, WHICH SHE DIDN'T USE AGAIN, TODAY. AH... SO I'M GOING TO LEAVE HER BE TONIGHT... NO LIGHTS. LET HER REST. AND I CHANGED THE PAPER UNDER HER “PERCH”. SHE'S EATING AND SHITTING WELL SO... BEST LEAVE WELL-ENOUGH ALONE. - Listened to “Radio Classique” and had a snooze and worked more on the robe. A quiet day. - Bloody-fucking shame about the books though. - And another day comes to a screeching close... sun's gone already. Tonight is expected to be COLD. But Yonah's got the radiator (at “3”) and there's oil in the furnace so... we're OK. (Not to mention, 741$ on account with HEAP.) - Some-times I just wonder (why things go so well when they do and WHAT price is to come). - 18.21 Start to finish... prep, cook, eat and off to washing-up... 3 hours! DONE! And it was WONDERFUL! SO SAD... I enjoy the process but not the eating. MUST work on that... taking time to TASTE what I've cooked. Now... HOPEFULLY this cook-top will LAST longer than some of the “reviews” have claimed (I keep thinking of the 3,5 weeks... NO!). - And now, all the washing-up is done, dishes are up and the night? Well... it's here, and moving away. I'm TIRED! (Of course I am... I've eaten...) - In from a smoke. It's cold out there, but clear. Nice night. - I keep thinking about Donna... “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?” CLICK. Well, she hasn't called back so... I'm back to where I've been most of my entire life-time: solo. YAY! - 23.27 THE ROBE IS WEARABLE!!! AT LAST!!! I FINISHED THE “NECESSARY” STITCHING... HEMS DOWN THE FRONT. A HEM ALONG THE NECK. AND IT'S *LONG*! I can't find a place to hang it in the house! BUT IT'S WEARABE TONIGHT! And I'm having a bit of yoghurt, then to the shower and done with this day! I had NO intentions of being up at this hour! NONE! BUT... the robe is done! - I'm tired. - One thing... the shower... I NEED TO STOP LIVING HERE AS IF I'M STILL LIVING IN SOME-BODY ELSE'S HOUSE! This nonsense of “worrying” about making noise taking a shower NEEDS TO STOP! I PAY THE RENT! MY BILLS ARE CURRENT! FUKKIT! FUKKEM! FUKKEMALL! - And that's that for that. - 24.14 Dish of yoghurt... TWO packages of PopTarts (shopping tomorrow) anddd a fucked keeyboard a-fucccking-gain! SHOWER TIME!
Thu.19.Nov: 8.07 WHY am I up an about, dressed and the key-board is STILL FUCKED? Didn't get to sleep until 1.00 or later. Oh well... another fucking day. And yes, I AM tired! And hacking globs of shit this morn. Charming. - 11.14 Back from market and FamDoll's card reader still isn't working so... But did have nice chat with Casey. - My fridge and freeze haven't looked so “well-stocked” since “The city days”... and MUCH butter! Very nice (I suppose). AND FOUR CONTAINERS OF “PERRY'S” ICE-CREAM! WOOHOO! “BOGO”! - The driver's side window on the truck was frozen when I got in. The oil pressure still rises. AND THE SIDE-VIEW MIRRORS, DRIVER'S SIDE, WERE OUT OF ALIGNMENT! I WONDER HOW THAT HAPPENED, SINCE ONE HAS TO, LITERALLY, GET INTO THE MIRROR TO MOVE IT/THEM! FUCK. - AND THE BOOKS HAVEN'T ARRIVED... THEY “ARRIVED” IN ALBANY ON THE 16TH, THEN “MOVED ALONG TO NEXT DESTINATION” ON THE 19TH. THERE'S A LINE OF “ARRIVED”, “ACCEPTED”, “ARRIVED”, “DEPARTED”... ALL IN ALBANY! FUCKING INCOMPETENTS. So... nothing in today's post. That's fine... no bills. - So now, the “errands” of the day are as done as they can be. There's a little work left on the robe, but nothing that stops it from being worn (which I did last night after shower... at about mid-night and again this morning out of bed). Perhaps... a snooze? It was only but about 6 hours sleep last night and I'm feeling it. - Yonah is well this morning... up and about. Her wing is looking well too. Poor baby. I wish I could let her out and about but if she takes flight again... Walls and windows. We shall see. “House-keeping” tomorrow. But there's sun shining into her windows at the moment so that's good. - And that's that for that here, there. Last coffee at hand and the grounds are already out. - Oh... Mr. Julius' car is in the drive! HAH! “No Through Traffic” this morning! YAY! - BUT... I HAVE NOTICED SEVERAL CIGARETTE BUTTS AT THE END OF THE PARKING/DRIVE! NONE OF WHICH ARE MINE, TO BE SURE. DOG SHIT AND SMOKE-BUTTS. FUCKING SHIT-HOLE, THIS PLACE IS TURNING INTO. NONE OF MY CONCERN. FUKKIT. FUKKEM. FUKKEMALL! - (At least I got all this typed with-out difficulty... fucking key-board.) - 16.48 Meal on and a 45-minute snooze was taken in the final sun-lit hour of the day. Then, a new “limb” added to Yonah's house (which is confusing her terribly, I fear, it's in the corner over her perch and she just stands there, staring, but won't go to the perch... if it doesn't work out, I'll remove in tomorrow's house-keeping). - The geraniums that were in the living-room are now gone. Dead. No hope. So too, the garlic that had sprouted... and that STUNK! Let's see if it doesn't get rid of the little “black flies” that have been buzzing about the place for too long. - Pots washed and on the “table” in the living-room. “Work” done. And I still want to put “loops” on the “robe” for the “cinch”. Oh well... It is as it usually is: nothing accomplished until last hours of the day. - Time to wait for the “soup” (which is now more like “stew”) to heat and be eaten and then... I could almost grab another quick shower tonight and head for bed... even now. - Caught Rudy G. and Co. giving a “White House” presentation on the investigations into this fraudulent election we've just had. WOW! MOVING! Rudy's quite the pisser! It was SO refreshing to see “anger” in the attorneys and such! Truly... MOVING. Can't wait to see the “coverage” tonight. (Some-thing to look forward to.) - 10 minutes on the stove-top and the “soup/stew” is beginning to boil! YAY! May this last longer than I do... - Speaking of which: quite the “heavy” day again, today. Well... we had a few really “good” days. They were bound to end, sooner or later. - 21.58 Testing the keyboard... thus far... - Day is done. Water is done. Quick shower and off to bed. Why? Because... And tomorrow? I don't know... Yonah's house-keeping, to be sure. Other-wise? I REALLY NEED TO GET BACK TO WALKING AND “DOING”... I'M LOOKING GOD-AWFUL MISERABLE... FAT, TITS... DISGUSTING. Not that anybody else would notice but... We'll have to ponder... and I'll need more nesting for Yonah... perhaps another walk along the river... But for now... To the shower... (all those days of “back-up” sort of “broke” earlier... thankfully).
Sat.21.Nov: 9.18 'tWOULD've been 66 years.- “Solstice” in a month... “Winter”... shortest day and then the days start
Sun.22.Nov: 7.28 WHY? Out of bed at 7.07... robe on, kettle on, quick pee, coffee made, vits. taken, half-smoke in the living-room (again) and, at table, in robe... on a day when sleeping-in until 10.00 would have been just fine but... NO... out of bed at 7.07 (set to go, as it were). Lights were out at mid-night. One mid-night trip to the loo. 7 hours of “sleep” (if that's what I do during the night, and I doubt it). Still, here we are. Sun's only just barely touching yon hills. It's to be “chilly”, not “warm”, a touch of cloudy, not “brilliant”. There's a dread of going into town to FamDoll. I want to get toilet paper (that's going to be an aggravation), smokes, scouring powder... little shit. No “card reader”, I'm sure, which will mean potentially going to Stewart's for smokes, Tops for the rest. And it's mainly the notion of going out of the house that already causes anger... and it's an “episodic” morning at that. Why? I don't know... it just is. Why is ANY morning “episodic”? Oh well. It is what it is and we'll move along with and in it... until we don't. (Thought at counter with coffee this morn: Suddenly, the house goes round and round, and as I drop to the floor, last words: “Oh my, how inconvenient, I'm in my robe and there's no one here, and Ms. Yonah... well, she's got food and water for a while, that's good. Hopefully some-body will have enough sense to keep her until better weather. Still, how inconvenient....” BOOM... to the floor... Dead.) - So that's the kind of morning it is. The kind of day is to be seen. - Still finding it rather amazing.. this morning I think of the shortness of the days and yet, this date, in a month's time, the days will start lengthening again. Summer 2020 went by VERY quickly (all 2 weeks of it, as it is). And now, in a month... though we'll only just begin “Winter”... the day's lengthen, nights shorten and we head back into Summer again. It really is as if we climb, slowly, up one side of a grand mountain, early in our years, and then, at some point in a life-time, we reach the summit and from that point on-ward, there's a massively-rapid descent as we uncontrollably plummet down the other side, winds of Time rushing across our face, past our ears, in a maddening “rush” and “woosh”. The “yesterdays” disappear into the distance behind us and “tomorrows” become fewer and fewer. We can see the “yesterdays” vanishing... and every “today” we can almost count the “tomorrows” as we dash into “today”, then through it, and the the quantity of “tomorrows” diminishes, and the last one becomes clearer... and clearer still... just there... on some horizon. - How charming: Philosophy in the morning, and coffee hasn't even taken hold yet. - Well? There are a few more hours ahead, let's see what we can “do” with them. Eh? - 12.27 Tea... back from Stewart's for smokes, Tops for loo and kitchen roll and scouring powder AND A WONDERFUL WOMAN WITH HER KID LET ME AHEAD AT TOP'S! AND WHEN I THANKED HER AND SAID THAT SHE'D MADE MY WEEK, SHE BADE ME “HAPPY THANKSGIVING”!!! WELL! And... Yonah's house is clean again, fresh water and a bit of peanut butter on bread... to give it a try... fatten her up a bit. She was her usual “hoot” as I cleaned, but not so “bangy”, thankfully. - 21.41 I HAVE TO GET TO THE SHOWER BUT... I HAVE TO CATCH-UP WITH AN ALMOST USELESS DAY... aside from managing to get out to the stores... - Just finishing 2nd hot water (and a Naproxen, which I was considering bringing to only 1/day but can't decide which of the 2 to drop... Morning's are tough and that one helps with the day... Night's can be tough with “contractions”, but lately, they're making a return so I have to consider... Meanwhile... it stays at 2/day. - OK. THAT said... as the furnace kicks... and I'm in from last smoke (now that I've missed my 21.00 shower water... anyway...) - WELL...
Spent some time with Yonah this after-noon, just “chatting” with her after “house-keeping”. She seemed quite CALM as I spoke to her, quietly, just “chatting”. She preened a bit (I'm hoping she's not itchy... GOT to get her to bathe!) and at one point, she SHOCKED ME... AS I SPOKE... SHE *YAWNED*!!! IT WAS SO CUTE! Almost as if I was boring her! But I'm so thrilled that she was comfortable enough to do that! And, as I spoke quieter, she actually closed her eyes for a moment! MAYBE she's getting to where she MIGHT trust that I'm NOT going to cause her any harm? I can only HOPE! And indeed, I DO! But it took me by such a surprise... It was heart-warming. Instead of her usual pacing, she perched, preened, looked directly at me and... YAWNED!
In other news... I HAD to take a bit of a snooze again, after that. So I did and, as usual, it was almost impossible to get off the futon. I wonder... if I'd allow my-self to do so, would I just lay down and not bother to get up again any time too soon? Probably. (There's a reason Yonah is in my life these days... Other-wise, it would be quite easy to just stay in bed... day after day...) - As is the case of late, the day ended soon and it was time for “meal” which, tonight, consisted of tinned “stewed” tomatoes (with seasonings included), a dollop of tomato paste and some “stir fry” veggies. A “vegetarian” meal, of sorts... kind of like a ratatouille, I imagine. A large bowl-full which was quite filling and satisfying, followed by a bit (not the usual MUCH) of ice cream... I had 2 PopTarts with Naproxen and hot water as well. - A bit of soc.med. (Twtr) which has, lately, gone “quiet”. Looking-up the necessities of getting a “UV” light for Yonah. It appears they're relatively useless as they do NOT “duplicate” “natural light”. So, I'm going to have to make sure to get her out into the sun when-ever possible. UVB doesn't penetrate glass! And that's what she needs for HER vit.D! Not sure how I'll do that, with the cold weather ahead AND the absence of sun for the foreseeable future. Ah... “Winter”. But we'll think of some-thing. I'm becoming quite “learnéd” on the subject of doves... I just hope... with ALL my heart and being, that she pulls through the Winter and I can watch her FLY off to find her friends, come the warmer weather! (I'm doubtful... “Life” and “Fate” haven't the care or concern for me.) - Anyway, the house is “settled” and it IS time for a necessary shower so... I'm going to quick-smoke a half (I'm smoking a LOT again of late and I'm NOT happy about it), grab the shower (fuck the noise) and off to bed. There's nothing on the agenda for tomorrow... The books ordered are still floating about as they do... in PA. Fuck. “Bill Paying” this week! Thankfully, the money's available and ready. I'll have to check the oil. I'm HOPING to be able to hold-out until December... only about a week or so away at this point. THEN comes the CRUNCH in the budgeting! Oh well... And next month's electric might be higher because of the radiator. But... that's the way it goes... (One note though... at the end of December... there's no telling whether or not these “forgivenesses” and such on debts and bills will be re-newed... with the recent election still up in shit's chutes... but... hey... I “am a senior” and there's bound to be some sort of reprieve, not to mention, my payment histories have been rather quite excellent since I've returned to NY so... we shall see.) - OK. Enough of this. 'tis time to wrap another day and put it aside...
Mon.23.Nov: 8.32 and we're up and about, the under-items are washed and on the rack. Feeders have been “filled” and hung and “morning loo” is complete. And, we're in a bit of “internal distress” this morning after a night of rather difficult falling asleep at mid-night. Oh well. - Yonah's curtains are open. A “styro” of water in the cage for “bathing”, should she wish so to partake. But she tends to avoid it. Probably because it's “foreign”. We shall see. Sadly, there's not to be too much sun today. But she seems calm enough, and looks well. Her little “turds” appear “normal” and “healthy”. I want to incorporate more grasses, to give an atmosphere of “under-brush”... some-thing a bit more “out-doorsy”, as it were. - Radio “l'Estrie” on in the living-room. The day has “commenced”, I suppose. I just wish I could kick this “morning ick”. I tend to believe it has something to do with all the “pills”... the “gulping” with coffee, &c. But... I can't really give a shit. - So... on we roll... as usual. Most sadly... the pee-oh is open today. Alas. Oh, to have a home of silence and peace in the morning, a full bath-room, water pressure sufficient for proper bathing. Perhaps, one day (but I doubt it). - Last night's read of “Anglo Guide” brought a touch of “melancholy”. Those days truly are GONE. It was fun in MTL “back then”. Not that I can, these days, with closed borders and the shit, but “that” MTL, just like “that” NYC, is gone, never to return. - OK... moving along... Monday... “Bill Pay” week, this. “Things” to “attend”... - 22.52 Late again and listening to “Hauser” on the Yootb as I type. I NEED this right now... It started when I went looking for “Dvorak” to post to Gina (Sask). What a blessing it is too! I'll have to “record” for Yonah! See if she enjoys it as well as she seems to enjoy Dvorak. - Well? I FINALLY got 6 months of “rent envelopes” printed... ON THE PRINTER... and stamped, ready to go. Got the “stencil” for the “Post Office” part of the sign done to where I want it. Also... I THINK I got the 2021 calendar pages done on the lap-top. Will have to try a print tomorrow. “Meal” was “borscht”... a tin of beets with seasonings and the few “pickled” beans from the back garden thrown in. Ice cream after (of course). It wasn't half bad and I had a “pleasant” BM shortly after... no beets, but lately, no matter what, the BM was appreciated. My gut is TOO large! - Spent too much time on the Twt though. And as for the rest of this day? Well... I DID get some “grass” into the “nest corner” for Yonah. She tried to chew it (I'll have to see about growing some for her... fresh... this should be interesting since there's none out there at this time of the year... that I know of... yet... I'll have to go look in the woods or along the river... but NOT saw grass... I think she may have scratched her tongue... poor little thing... always some-thing... just as the rest of her is doing so well.) - Oh... and Gina asked after her! I almost cried... it's so nice that she actually cares. - In other news... I'm just in from last smoke in the crisp wind. It's a beautiful night, almost clear skies... and there's a bit of moon in the sky... BUT I'M SEEING DOUBLE! IT'S DISGUSTING! CLEARLY... DOUBLE! Just looked into it. It could be dryness, or fatigue. But if it's more than that, it's... surgery... to correct it. Thankfully, “general anaesthetic” and any-where from moments to an hour... but drops for week after and a bit of “pain”. NOT that I can afford it... I shouldn't think. But... time to “look” into it, I do suppose. I took a fresh bottle of “drops” out today. I MUST remember to get back to using them before things get “worse”! I'll be “legally blind” when next license comes in 2025! NO! (Hell... I might just be dead anyway... if there's mercy... which I know... from experience, there isn't. - As I finish 3rd hot water... Politics: It SO DOES appear that we're heading, RAPIDLY, into Communism here. Canada's spiralling into it. And if this recent election isn't changed some-how, we're next. There truly is “Hell” coming. Well? The best I can hope for these days is to survive long enough to see Yonah take to the skies again. Quite literally... she IS the ONLY reason I keep hanging-on. Other-wise, instead of hot water at night... I'd be half down in the vodka. Hey... “father” tried it... Almost made it. I don't see why I can't or shouldn't. But not until Yonah is re-united with her “folks”. Even “legally blind” I'll be able to get her that much... and she deserves that much. Hate me... as I know this world does... BUT SHE DESERVES TO BE RE-UNITED WITH HER OWN! - And on that note of my own anger against ALL existence... I'm going to check a “Vicar Vid”, have my hot water and go to bed. Nothing on tomorrow's agenda... save the PO sign. What-ever happens after is... - Oh, I checked to pay the internet bill today... there's no “balance due” and I can't pre-pay. The rent cheque is ready to go on Wednesday (Viv's birthday). Propane is due at some point soon, I should think. And I'll have to check the oil... there's 700$ waiting to be pumped into the tank... (I'm HOPING I can hold until December! So far... it hasn't been cold enough to keep the furnace running for any length of time so... We shall see... One way or another, there's a sledge from Hell swinging... it's just a matter of time until it hits.) - 24.04 done. And the wind is rather banging against the front of the house... how charming... earlier it was Julius and Co. on Yonah's wall... and on the loo wall... and now... Nature... Yes... how fucking charming.
Tue.24.Nov:
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Wed.25.Nov: 8.33 OH.... It's a “strange one”, this morning... Heard the alarm, and ignored it. Heard the PLOUGH... and dozed. That was at about 6.30. Woke again at almost 8.00. Heard the PLOUGH and decided to get out of bed. Feeling rather “OK”, got the kettle on, checked Ms. Yonah, heard Alvin “shovel” the “dusting” from the ramp at the pee-oh (and subsequently noticed that he'd cleared a space for Ms. Crystal... how charming... I'm out of shits to give). Decided to done some clothing, and as I do did, suddenly felt “oppressed” by the slow whirling of the Earth... out of no-where, for no particular reason. Dressed, had my 1st coffee and vits., stepped out back for half-smoke and to empty the rest of the seed for the birds. It's not really “THAT” cold this morn. And there are many “prints” of little feet in the snow... including a set from... indeed... “Wombat” (I suspect). Thankfully, no “tragedies”. Heard a “howl” of sorts from next door, though, other-wise and to-date, it's “civil” o'er there. Came back in to get to this Journal and for some reason, the day/date just made NO sense! Even looking at the calendar... Last night I'd started, before bed, today... “Wed.24.Nov:” KNOWING that it was the 25th... VIV'S BIRTHDAY. BUT... when I looked at the little “calendar/clock” on the “Task Bar”, the 25th made me think it's “Thursday”... and that Wednesday should be the 24th... and my brain just went a touch “off” for a while! I DO understand why: the 25th... Viv's birthday... “US Thanksgiving”... well, so it was, many years ago, Thanksgiving is on a Thursday... It's as if some-how, some part of my brain just slid back... chronologically, and just wouldn't “re-set” to current time/date! WELL! Indeed! Heaviness in the chest... brain-snap... and a dusting of snow on the ground. Well folks, fasten your ceinturues... it's going to be a “bumpy” ride. - So, with that... time for 1st “actual” coffee and let's see how the rest rolls. (I'm anxious to see of “Gaston” is still on the Twats this morn. Last time I tried this shit, they slammed me down over-night... clever little Communisits.) - 15.28 WELL! Just in from a smoke on the front porch and Nell and Maggie came by for their mail. Nell wished me a “Happy Thanksgiving” and I returned the wishes... Maggie wouldn't have spoken had I not commented about being “thankful” for no ice. Both were... “distant”. Gee... I speak with/to no-one and it's almost obvious: on the New Russia Shit List. Well... “TAH-DAH, ME!”. All well and fine. I don't depend on them for anything... least of all my health. So? So. - Anyway, made it to market. Baby food and romaine and broccoli for Yonah. The romaine is in a baby food jar in her cage... “greens”. What she does with them is... The broccoli is cleaned and in the fridge (some, in the freeze). I'm trying a “greens” baby food mixed with seed. If she does eat them, we'll do more for a while. If not... well then... not. I'm trying. One thing I notice: She becomes rather animated when I'm in the room. Maybe she DOES enjoy the company. But I try to keep the visits “calm” so that she doesn't re-re-injure with her bouncing and fluttering. - Oh... brought some broccoli over to Julius. He inquired about oil... He's down to about where I suspect I am in the tank. So we'll both be getting “delivery” round about the same time. (I just have to make certain the correct tank gets the delivery, I suppose.) I suggested he “try” for HEAP. He's pondering a “move”... Moriah. The “girl-friend”... as usual. She suggested he get a dog. Well... we shall see. - AND, FS notice arrived today... as of January, from 192 to 187... because the Soc.Sec. increase has been confirmed: 1091. Still not the 1100 I would have collected from the beginning, had I waited until 2021 but... 14 more is 14 more. (Thinking I should put that aside... I've been living on 1077, I should be able to continue? Not that it might make much difference... time-wise.) Anyway... - The “card reader” is still out at FamDoll! And I was just reading that “Dollar Tree” stocks have increased. Hmmm.... They're losing revenue in the local store, to be sure. NOT that anybody gives a shit. - And so... another day winds-down. At least I made it to market, got out, ran the truck. - Mean-while... my eyes are getting SO MISERABLE with the “blurring”. THIS concerns me. I'll have to start looking (looking... imagine that) for a “treatment”? Oh well... “General anaesthesia” and I'll probably drop on the table. I don't give a shit... so long as Yonah is flying free... NOTHING will be done before that moment. - Now, considering a snooze... NOTHING will be open tomorrow (I should think). MAYBE I'll be able to arrange for a “sleep-in” (though I doubt it). We shall see... about the snooze and tomorrow. - OH... “Gaston” was still up and running this morning... Hmmm... Let's see how long THAT lasts!
Thu.26.Nov:
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Fri.27.Nov: 11.13 WELL... Those 2 v-tons last night... it's “the day after”, this is. - I suppose it must have been about 1.00 this morning when I decided to take the sleeping bag, the futon pillows and one bed pillow and “camp” in with Yonah. Why? Not sure. I just felt that I wanted to be in the room with her through the night. And so I did... slept on the floor. Odd? Perhaps. But that's what I did. And this morning, at 7.00, she woke me with her “activities”. So now I know what time she wakes in the morning. (Right now, she's in there doing some-thing... poor dear. It's been quiet in the house this morning.) So I got up, got me together, got coffee on and such and... well... at about 8.30, decided I wanted a bit of a “snooze”. So I went to the futon, got comfy, thinking the qunt would wake me when she opened the pee-oh... and she did... not that it made any difference because... I've only JUST gotten up again and went to check the post. Indeed... I slept another 2,5 hours. It's over-cast any-way so there's no real “time loss”, I don't suppose. - Of note: received “notice of delivery” for today, the Kafka book. Yeah? IT WENT TO SARANAC LAKE! FUCKING IDIOTS! SARANAC LAKE... AGAIN! THIS IS THE 3rd TIME THEY'VE PULLED THIS BULL-SHIT! INCOMPETENT SHIT-BAGS! LET'S SEE IF SARANAC DOESN'T SEND IT BACK TO ALBANY TODAY. RETARDS! - And so, here I sit, in the silence, my head is some-where, my body is else-where and the rest of me is “present” and I wish it weren't. The “2 v-ton ICK”. Ah, the “old days” of being able to “put away” a bottle are long, long gone into the past. It's not as if I didn't KNOW today would be like this. So... as I'm infamous for saying “Just Desserts”. - OH, BUT... I DID manage to pay the Internet bill this morning, at last. So, the only “out-standing budget” bill is the propane... Then comes the oil and we start another month. Round and round and round we go... - The rest of this day? No idea, until “meal”. And time moves on. Let's see if I do as well. - 11.54 CALLED AVERY... 2,19/GAL! THEY'LL BE HERE TO FILL ON TUESDAY! I just checked and I'm at about half a tank so... 301,13 out of my 741... 439,87 left. IF I can hold-on to the current usage... there's another 100 gals (IF Biden doesn't fuck us up which I'm quite sure he will) at the very least and it MIGHT take me through the season! Lettuce prey. - So... and... propane will be coming next week as well... That's already in the “budget”. Relief du jour.. I suppose. - Have put a bowl of water in for Yonah and she's listening to me “Adirondack” selection of music this morning. More broccoli in there for her as well. I'd luv to take her out into the house but it appears she's done a bit of “damage” to that wing again... I don't know... I just don't know. One day... one day... one day. - So, time to finish morning coffee as after-noon tea and get on with... - 21.20 Well... off to the shower and the hopes of having water... in this fucking little hole. - “Meal” was sufficient. I've had 2 hot waters and the Naproxen. Watched “Brittas Empire”... don't know why... it's annoying. - But there we are... Tomorrow... I'll work on putting the “snow-flakes” back into the windows and... what-ever. Hopefully tonight... SLEEP... sufficient sleep. Not counting on it though.
Sat.28.Nov: 6.38 and why am I up, dressed, had first coffee, smoke on the porch (on this over-cast and drizzly sort of morn), 2 basins of washing on the soak and...? Why? Because by about 22.00 last night, the lights went out and I fell directly to sleep. And, because, when I woke at 4.00, I thought it ridiculous, had an alarm set for 7.00 and..... woke out of a bit of a dream about
An elderly “rabbinical” sort of man had just moved into the village/town/hamlet (which resembled both New Russia and Roosa Gap).I was “discussing” the new arrival with, of all people, Alvin and Vivian, as one would discuss a “new arrival”. I wondered if this new fellow was Jewish and noted his surname: “Schulman”. Said I, “Well, the family name is 'Schulman' so he's a 'teacher'. Yeah? 'School man'. Neither Alvin nor Vivian were too awfully amused... I was rather put off because they didn't get the point and I woke.
Hmmm... “Schulman”. I wonder why THAT name and why I remember this dream. Not important, I shouldn't think. But there we are. And here I am. And another day commences. - Woke again, this morning, with that “sharp pain”... lower back, right side. But obviously, nothing that kept me in the bed. And...the one thing on the agenda is putting the “snow-flakes” in the windows “for the season” and trying to decide about buying those “rain-lights” at 11$/set. Well... there's a bit of time to play with finances, I suppose. The bills are paid, but there isn't all that much cash to manipulate. I'll give it some more thought. But for now... there's “now”. And that's that. “Shabbat”... Fine. - 6.51 Checking on the Kafka book... the FUKTARDZ sent it from Saranac Lake BACK to fucking ALBANY! Well, fine and OK... we can't expect the retards to get any-thing correct. - 8.58
I'VE JUST “MET” AN ACTUAL RELATIVE OF RENE LEVESQUE... WHO HAS AN UNCLE “GASTON”... ON TWITTER!!!
Now... to the day's chores as the pee-oh bangs on my wall... - 11.01
***** OK THEN! JUST IN FROM A STROLL TO THE TRUCK (TO HAVE A BLOODY SMOKE) AND OVER THE COURSE OF LAST NIGHT, SOME-BODY MADE ANOTHER 3-POINT TURN... ACROSS THE BACK GARDEN!!! ***** WHAT, IN THE NAME OF ALL FUCK, IS GOING ON IN THIS HOLE? WHAT? WHO? WHY? AND WHEN? AND WHY IS IT THAT NOBODY SEEMS TO NOTICE? I'M PISSED NOW... AND MORE DETERMINED TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF AND AWAY FROM THIS SHIT-HOLE!!!
And it HAD to happen just as I “painted” the greenery on the snow-flakes before putting them up AND ORDERED THE “RAIN LIGHTS”!!! NOT, in the least, feeling “comfort and joy”... to be fucking sure! AND... the candles are set for Chanukah, in the window... Yeah... prep for the holidays and THIS bull-shit fuckerie has to start! OK. I'll address the matter with Julius when I see him next and hope that it was him... though I seriously doubt it. Well? More determination to LEAVE! Fucking shame but, between the tyre tracks and my mail going to Saranac Lake... yeah, I'll call this “End Of The Line”!!! - Having a tea. The “radio” is fucking-up, disconnecting, this morning. Oh... 'tis Saturday... fucking shit! - 12.32 Snow-flakes are in the window. Lights are on order. And I'm in a miserable mind-set, primarily because of the tracks in the garden... or maybe it's just the day... or me... or... Yonah could use some house-keeping, but I took my mid-day vits. with the left-over coffee and will now have oat-meal. - The book is still floating in the ether between Albany and... destination un-known. - And so, I'm tempted to snooze... as an “escape”. - Well? The day STARTED fun. CAN'T HAVE THAT! MUST FUCK IT SOME-HOW. EH? - 14.49 and after a 30-minutes snooze... HOUSE-KEEPING IS DONE! And Yonah was MUCH calmer about it all today. And so, she continues listening to the “ADK Collection”. And me? What-ever. Still annoyed with the tyre tracks. But... have looked into other places, on the border. Nothing. These are hard times for moving. But... I'll keep the hope. It's time to go... I think of Meghan, yesterday, on her way up from the river, saying “Hello” and “Belated happy Thanksgiving.” She didn't have to speak. She usually doesn't. And Vivian calling and dropping a slice of pie. I can't think of anybody who'd be so hateful here. But... Well, I'll “decorate” any-way, live as I do... “hermit”, until such time when... when... And if need be, I'll either take Yonah with, to new folks and friends and “international” freedom, or... weather permitting, and her condition as well, she'll stay behind and I'll think of her when-ever I see these mountains which I'll trade for the border. - Such is the day. - 22.17 Too many episodes of “WITLY” and a v-ton. I know... I shouldn't have but... too late now. Had a hot water after... what-ever. - GOOD NEWS: THE TRACKS IN THE GARDEN WERE JULIUS'S GIRL-FRIEND! I'M WILLING TO BET THE OTHERS ARE TOO. DRUNKS. So, the desire to move remains. - Had a lovely, brief “chat” with Gina on Twtr. - Meal was “stuffing”, but the salmon cakes turned out better on the stove-top! Cooked very nicely... but TOO TOO MANY! Ice cream after. Of course. And now... off to bed. - Yonah seems to like the “clean house” AND SHE'S DEVOURING THE BROCOLLI!!! MUST ALWAYS KEEP THAT ON THE SHOPPING LIST! Greens and vit.D! YAY! (Now, to get her to bathe. Next great adventure.) - Just thought: I'm so used to her being in the house... I'll miss her terribly. But... I still can't wait to see her flying free again. - And on that, teeth and bed. I'm exhausted. Thankfully... Sunday! No arse-holes in the morning!
In the car, driving North-bound on a road that resembled the “new” Union Ave. in Newburgh (of all places). “John” was at the wheel and we were approaching the 84 over-pass. I was tense to begin with, of course, not really wanting to be in the car, and more-so, not wanting to be in his company. It was “day”, but excessively over-cast. Looking ahead to where ETC used to be, there was an exceptionally heavy “fog”, so thick that nothing was visible in the distance.
“You see that?” I said. “You know what that means.”
“WHAT?” he snapped.
“Things are bad enough here and every-where else now.” I said, getting even more annoyed and on the verge of aggravated. In town, there were riots, pockets of violence (as things actually are these days, now). People being involuntarily locked into their houses, jailed for 'breaking curfews', shootings, looting... (as things are these days in reality). “With THAT situation the way it is, heavy clouds, probably rain, it'll be even worse over there. We've got no business going over there. It's trouble, and you know it.”
“You and your superstitions!” John said, driving on. “It's just so much stupidity. It's fine!”
We pulled into the parking area at a strip-mall, again, in the vicinity where ETC used to be, and got out of the car. Once in-side, John disappeared into the crowd and I was left on my own. There were a lot of people, mostly in their 20s or very early 30s, mulling and milling about, loudly, gathering in groups here and there, and most of them were, of course, dressed in black... hoodies and jeans and the sort. I was getting sick from the anxieties but moved on and to a “Duane Reade” of sorts.
In the DR, I met an elderly couple. The husband, a tall Moe, the wife... Ev. They weren't though. I didn't know them, but some-how we engaged in chat as we went through the aisles together.
They'd done their shopping. I didn't really have any that I was in there to do, so we went to the cashe where they paid and then...
The young, rather heavy-set, gal at the cashe gave us a hateful look as she handed “Ev” her purchases, refusing to give her a bag to carry them out in! Ev was visibly upset but I said,
“Never mind. We'll just take one of these...” and I grabbed a hand-basket, turned to the little bitch at the cashe and snapped, “Oh, don't worry, we'll leave it at the door!” having NO intention of doing any-thing of the sort. I'd get the couple to their vehicle and either put the basket into their car or, if they insisted, put their purchases in the car and toss the basket in the lot. (Now this bit is reminiscent of a recent visit to Tops where an elderly woman wanted to bring the hand-basket home and the gal at the cashe there said she couldn't, called a manager who insisted they couldn't let customers take the baskets... others had before, said the customers... but they just refused! So “reality” crept into the dream here.)
As we, “Moe, Ev” and I walked to the exit door of the store... WE WERE LOCKED IN! The doors were simply locked, no explanations, no employees about. EVERY-ONE IN THE STORE WAS LOCKED IN! I was to understand that there was violence in the mall-proper and in the parking area. Yep... I'd been right in the first place. There WAS, in fact, violence brewing as we arrived and now, it was in full swing! And WE WERE BEING HELD CAPTIVE! No way out. No employees to explain. Just customers, wandering about the store... MOST OF THEM PERFECTLY ACCEPTING OUR IMPRISONMENT!
Moe and Ev wanted to get to their car and get out and so too, did I... I had no car, and expected that John had already managed to get out of the mall and was gone already so MY plan was to get out of the mall and take the wooded areas back to... where-ever it was that I'd go to when I got out. I had no local residence in town any more and certainly wasn't going “back to where-ever it is I'd left when I got into the car with John”. But I wasn't staying there, to be sure. I didn't want to be there in the first place! So the 3 of us wandered about, looking for a door... ANY DOOR, that would get us out of the store... and then out of the mall!
We came to a door in a corner of the store. About 5 steps led up to it. There were a few people there already. A glass door, with a “gate” on the outer side, and beyond that, darkness. But we all knew that it led OUT. Moe and I pondered a way to get through the glass, but what then, of the gate? A woman behind kept saying “Gate snips! Surely SOME-BODY has some gate-snips! That's all it takes! Gate-snips!” and she yelled all the louder, directly at me “YOU MUST HAVE SOME... IN YOUR CAR OR SOME-WHERE!”
I suddenly became aware of the fact that Ev had left us... gone wandering about the store! But Moe and I stayed at the door, continuing to try figuring a way OUT!
I had a “rush” of energy and determination: I'd simply break the glass and do with the gate, what-ever needed to be done! At this point, I didn't care much about any-thing and was determined to get us ALL the fuck OUT! But I needed some-thing to break the glass with. I told Moe to wait for me there and with almost HOT determination, headed back into the store-proper, to find WHAT-EVER would smash the heavy glass door.
I came to a “side door” of sorts, in the mall-proper, that led OUT of the mall! There were people actually coming IN through it... it was OPEN! A young man, in his early 30s, was holding the door so that people could get in. “Are you gonna be there for a moment longer?” I asked him.
“Only just to let these people in.” he said.
“I'm with an elderly couple who NEED to get OUT!” I said. “Just let me get them. The doors in there are all locked so that nobody can leave!”
“Nah, man.” said the shit-bag. “I'm just letting these people in and....”
I didn't want to leave Moe and Ev alone in the store but I had the opportunity to get out here. I thought, from the out-side I might be able to manage a way to get to another door and get Moe and Ev out so I started to leave through the now-open escape but the guy holding the door shoved me back! He was shoving be back into the mall to be locked in! I pushed him. He pushed back. No words were spoken. The shoving battle continued and got more determined on BOTH sides! THEN... he tried to shut the door ON me as he PUSHED me back into the mall! I was in full rage now and was thinking “I'll shove my fingers into his gut, through his god-damned skin, and rip his fucking bowels out!” and with that, shoved my hand into his gut and as he recoiled, I got through the door-way but into a mass of people shoving against me trying to get INto the mall! I couldn't understand why they all wanted IN to a place where they'd be held captive instead of trying to get away... and...
I woke... angry, mad, annoyed... pissed-off... I looked at the clock... 7.58. - And so begins what's supposed to be a “sunny” day. Yeah... - So I got up, threw the robe on, put the coffee on, had a pee... went in to greet Yonah who was, of course, up and about, foot in her “grit”. Coffee together, I filled her “bath bowl” again, we chatted a touch... and now... at 9.15 already, I'm dressed, in from the rest of the half-smoke that I'd begun in the living-room. The sun IS trying... but it's behind the pines across “the Hill” where it will be for most of the day any-way. It's that time again... where it never really comes into the sky... just creeps along the Southern horizon. It's supposed to be about 5° at “high”. Oh well. Me? I've nothing but the PO sign “to do”. And, ponder where I'd rather be in residence. So? With that... I suppose it's “On with what-ever time we have to call... 'the day'.” - THANKFULLY, I had only ONE v-ton last night and even at that, didn't really finish it. I've skipped this morning's Naproxen. I'll take at “tea” and see if I can't titre-down to one per day. Why? Why not? Thankfully, I woke this morning, with-out all sorts of pains and hang-over. But there's still time for it all to come slamming back. - Yonah's listening to the “ADK” collection. We shall see how it all rolls-out... when, again, soon, “meal” and the end of the day. - 21.09 After a “meal” of cream of mushroom with veggies... and a while on the Twitboard, and chatting with Gina for a while there, time to get to the shower! -
It was night, quite dark, in an apartment, some-what similar to Hudson Harbor (Wappingers!) but larger. I was living there, but with the old man, sister and John. The rest were “implied”, as will happen in dreams. I wasn't exactly a welcome member of the house-hold, and was, more or less, “in residence”, as I was most of my life “at home” anyway. My room was at one end of the place, large. I was in bed. It was quite late at night. I woke, needing to pee (which, in fact, I did... one of those dreams where having to pee, actually, brought on the dream). I got up and headed for the loo, but there was some-body in there. I didn't want anybody in the house to know that I was awake, never mind, that I was even present in the house at all, so I scurried back to the bed before being discovered up and about. Just as I got back into the bed, there was a flashing of red and white lights through the curtains. It was momentary, but really quite bright. And I had a little radio some-where in/on the bed that was playing, low but just audible. Talking. It made me nervous that some-body might hear it so I hurried to the bed to turn it off. Just then, I hear Sarah, feigning all sorts of dramatics! She was on her way out to the back of the building into the parking area where the lights had come from. I looked out the window and she was there, in a police car, a “convertible”, laying across the back seat as if passed-out, telling them some sort of terribly traumatic experience, and as I looked, I saw sister, scurrying round from the back of the building to the alley between the buildings, with the old man, as if trying to hide him, getting him out of the house and away so the police didn't discover him there. John came into my room, talking to some-body in the hall-way. “Oh she's really upset. You mean, it was that talk about Giulianni? Pushed her over the edge.” he said, almost chuckling. I understood they were all radical Liberals and there'd been a discussion about politics and somebody said something favourable about Giulianni and Trump and Sarah phoned the police to “report” them and was playing-up some sort of “fear and terror” caused her! I wanted to run out to the police to tell them “He's HERE! He's brutally abusive, constantly beating me half to death! They're trying to hide him from you! Get him out of here before he actually DOES kill me!” I was terrified and angry! Just then, John came toward my bed, where I was laying, still waiting to get to the loo. “Oh yeah, I have the evidence. It comes in the mail. It's in here someplace!” and he got onto the bed and started rummaging through some papers I had at the foot of the bed (the bed was really quite large... “king” or larger). I was LIVID! He was all but ignoring my presence and going through MY papers and such. I sat up and ANGRILY YELLED, as I grabbed at him, trying to beat the shit out of him “HOW DARE YOU? JUST HOW THE FUCK DARE YOU? IT'S BAD ENOUGH I CAN'T TRUST THE FUCKING POSTAL SERVICE TO DELIVER MY MAIL ANY MORE AND NOW YOU'RE GOING THROUGH MY PERSONAL PAPERS AND INFORMATION... AND RIGHT HERE, IN FRONT OF ME! WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S IN MY MAIL?” and, taking a swing to seriously punch the breath out of him, “GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY BED AND THIS FUCKING ROOM! GET THE FUCK OUT!” The worst of it is that I did, in my sleep, swing my arm and hit the wall! Fortunately, not hard enough to damage my hand but the sound woke me... The first thing I thought of was poor Yonah on the other side! I hoped I hadn't woken her... and being awake now, I got up to pee.
Imagine... all that anger, from all those years ago, so far removed from the present... mixed with current affairs and politics... the election, the postal service (my book, back in Albany), all slammed into a brief night-mare! AND, what made it just worse-enough: when I woke, in my mind, I was IN THAT FLAT, THAT ROOM, AFRAID TO GET OUT OF BED TO GO PEE FOR FEAR SOME-BODY WOULD HEAR ME WALKING ABOUT, KNOW THAT I WAS AWAKE, AND THAT I MIGHT CONFRONT SOME-BODY IN A HALL-WAY OR THE LIKE! It took me a moment or 2 to clear my mind, realise where I am, that there's nobody else in the house and that I could go to the loo!
Well, there you have it! Yes, I did get up, get to the loo and went back to bed. The tea-light I'd lit (for a peaceful night... imagine that) before getting into bed (following a nice shower) was still burning. I think I finished reading “Josh Freed” at about 22.00 or shortly after. I remember getting into bed at about 21.25 or so. Anyway, re-arranging the pillows and getting the bed-clothes back in order (I must have done a bit of thrashing in my sleep), I did manage to get back to sleep until about 3.30 when I woke, looked at the clock, considered getting up, decided not to, dozed back off until about 5-ish when again, looked at the clock, considered getting up, decided not to, dozed off until the 6.00 alarm which I turned off, laid in bed pondering getting up an at about 6.05 just did get up... to pee... and put on the coffee and begin the day. - OK... there... 6.56 already... and as I sit here, my head is “floating” about suddenly. I was “fine” until just about now. “Episodic”, but not quite to the “falling on the floor”... yet, though it feels like that's coming along. Oh well... no explaining it. And it's really nothing “new”. I've been thinking of making a wash today... bed linens... for December's arrival. It's supposed to be “drizzly” today. Tomorrow's supposed to be 11° but... of course... rainy. And THEN... TEMPERATURES PLUMMET AGAIN! Off into the foreseeable future. Ah... December is mere hours away. Last night, I read, Josh Freed mentioned, with regard to the “metric conversion”, the “negative” degrees in Celsius. “7 months of negatives”. Indeed... 7 months out of 12. HE attributes it all to Canada... What-ever. - OK... time to get up from the table, put on some clothes and ... at least have a real coffee. What-ever will be, will be... Day-light is trying to break... time to check-in on Ms. Yonah. Precious, precious, sweet little Yonah. (And as my head floats about and my chest “flutters” I can think of only ONE thing: I HAVE TO BE HEALTHY ENOUGH TO SEE HER THROUGH THE WINTER! NOTHING ELSE... NOTHING LESS... TO BRING HER OUT OF THIS HOUSE AND WATCH HER FLY OFF TO BE RE-UNITED WITH HERS! I HAVE TO... MUST... NOTHING ELSE WILL SUFFICE! - 11.15 Well... I took a “lie-down” for 20 minutes which was an HOUR on the futon! And had a brief dreamlette:
An old car came careening into the drive from the main, making a load roaring from a faulty muffler. I went to the kitchen window to see what/who it was and then to the bed-room. Looking out across the Hill, there was a large dog staring across from “the park” into the back drive. I went back to the kitchen window and looking out, saw a 2 pink bicycles in the drive. “Fuck! He's got the kids here again!” I thought, disgusted. And woke from that.
WHAT is going on in my mind today? Anyway... by then it was after 9.00! So I got the under-things washed and have pissed the morning away. - Kafka arrived today... after bouncing about the globe. Shame, really... my eyes are SO BAD lately that it's difficult to read! I'm becoming quite concerned. The “double vision” and “blur” is annoying at best... frightening at worst. THIS NEEDS TO STOP! So it seems I'll have to... HAVE TO find an ophthalmologist now! OH... JUST FUCK ME! - And I have to take money out of savings... which I can ill-afford, and make a smokes-run at some point. Oh... well... it's the “end of the year”. This is usually the season where shit hits the fan and falls apart. - At least Yonah is doing her usual. I gave her a little dish of broccoli this morning, with-out any seeds. She scattered it on the floor of her “house”. Hmmm... No seed? Well! But I see it as... being... HER. SO PRECIOUS! - “Classique” is starting to go “Christmas” in the music. Oh jolly. - Meanwhile, time to figure what to do about the eyes and get things together this morning... after-noon. This “eye” situation pisses me off! - 12.29 Well... made it to Stewart's for ONE pack of smokes... in the rain... The oil pressure is still starting rather high. My eyes are fucked but better in this “dark”. Still... And now... oat-meal and vits. and... the rest of the day (which I'd like, very much, to sleep away). And Mr. Nextdoor is in... for a bit. And so... that's that. - 22.05 Had an entire pizza for “meal” and finished the ice cream... so no more ice cream until... And I'm stuffed! - Ms. Yonah is “tucked in” for the night. Poor baby... I was late getting in there ... after 21.00! She was a bit “kinder” when I “visited” with her today but that other mourning dove was back on the walk and I was SO tempted... Her friends are still out there! I'm just SO afraid of her freezing! She's been in her for over a month now! - And I rang “Office for the Aging” for information and support about getting a “Medicare Advantage”... tomorrow I'll call and ... or maybe I probably won't. I just don't want to fuck about with my Soc.Sec. now and I don't want anybody ELSE fucking with it! We'll see. - Spoke with Ev this after-noon. She's back in Queens for the duration. We had a nice chat and she rather cut it so... but it was fine. - On that... I'm off to bed! Sheets tomorrow! New month and all... - November's gone! SHIT! - OH... and OIL delivery tomorrow too! Hmmm....