Sun.01.Dec: 2.34 and I'm into the 2nd v-ton... and the last. - The thermostat is set at 64F and the furnace is kicking in. The thermometer on the porch is reading about 32F. But oddly, I'm getting “comfortable” at 64F/17C. Not for going to bed, but... - Just finishing a bit of a “chat” with Chris Madzier on “Minds”. A “fun” night on the “author” channel. - BUT THE BEST NEWS... *** SHOWERED!!! *** *** SCRUBBED!!! *** AND SITTING HERE, AT TABLE, IN THE SWEATS I BOUGHT IN MTL, “PHYSMED”, ALL SCRUBBED CLEAN, A SHOWER OF ALMOST ALL HOT WATER! THE BED IS MADE!!! IT'S A “HUMAN” NIGHT AGAIN!!! The house is still... out-side is still. I'm finishing my “beverage” and looking forward to nothing on the “must to do” list except crochet and Hoover! (Maybe washing the clothes I've been wearing for a week or 2 as well.) It's really amazing. The ONLY thing I'd change at this point in “life” is the condition of the truck. Truly... the only thing. - Other than that... the one thing that actually FLOORS me is that it's... DECEMBER! HOW? I was on Minds... chatting away, checking the “Notifications” when, suddenly, I noticed the date change on the responses. FUCKING DECEMBER already? WOW! It's all going by SO damned quickly! It seems I moved in here only WEEKS ago. Hot, sweating, trying to catch my breath. Looking forward to a shower to wash away the sweat and dust. THAT was in July! It isn't possible! It's always been said that time goes by quicker, the older you get. THIS is INCREDIBLE! - But at the moment... I'm just finishing a rather strong v with little t and looking forward to getting under the covers with NO particular “get out of bed” time. NONE! I just don't (can't won't) give a shit! And at some point, I'll check the oil level. But NOTHING can beat the shower! CLEAN AGAIN! Hair cut. Beard trimmed. Scrubbed clean. “HUMAN”. - Oh, one note: I wonder what the old qunt left the thermostat at 5199 set at. Moron... probably turned if off... leaving the little ones in the cold. Futkard that she is. - 10.05 Up, dressed, in from a crisp smoke. Last month's clothes are in the soak. Coffee's in the press. And I woke at about 9.30, to the sound of the furnace, having to take a dump. Other-wise, I'd still be under the covers... the CLEAN sheets in an orderly bed-room. How lovely. And peaceful too. No “kablink” from the phone, with frantic messages or “How do I get there?” or “DID YOU SEE WHAT HE DID TO ME?” Delightful. - Anyway... time to get rolling. Hoover and crochet on the agenda today. And just be on about my biz, as it were. - Quite cold today though. Hopefully there won't be a need for too much oil. But... it will be what it will be. It's weather, and that's that. - 20.47 already! I can't believe how quickly a day goes by! The ONLY items I'd wanted to do and got done were washing that set of clothes and Hoovering! Got the journals up-dated though, added a couple of images for November... But seriously? ALL FUCKING DAY? Oh well. It's not as if I could have gone out for a drive. Not to mention: It tarted snowing at about 13.00 and it's been coming down ever since. Quite a nice bit of “accumulation” out there. The touching bit: the plows come right along to keep up with the accumulation. Quite the difference from “across the lake”. I mean, I'm on a state road here, was on a state road there too. But here, HERE, they tend to keep-up with it. - Furnace has been on all day. I cranked it to 70F for a couple of hours though. Just turned it down to 64F. Will bring it to either 62 or 60 for the over-night. (I just don't want the plants to get too cold... orange and avocado... and the likes.) - “Meal”? Slapped together at about 16.30: sliced the last 2 potatoes, fried then baked, like crisps only but “like”. Not bad though. Some left over. 2 fried eggs. A touch of ice cream after. And yep... all done before 18.00 as usual. Now? Dishes done and the house in order and I'm just about ready for bed (again). - Tooth-ache in the lower-right again. EVERY time I eat ANY-THING! FUCK! - But, it was a peaceful day. - I NEED TO GET TO THE CROCHET WORK! THE HOOPS SHOULD BE HERE BY FRIDAY... 12 OF THEM. I NEED TO PUT SOMETHING IN THEM! THEN GET THEM INTO THE WINDOW (so they can be seen... and commented on... if that happens... and offered for sale... if that happens). - Nothing on tomorrow's agenda thus far. - Looks like I'm going to have to make my own calendar for 2020. Oh well. No “drawing/work” table but I'll have to make do. May as well. - BUT... NO “FedLoan” HANGING ROUND MY NECK! BILLS PAID. ANOTHER MONTH'S WORTH OF OIL ON ACCOUNT. (I HAVE TO RING AVERY TOMORROW TO FIND OUT HOW MUCH I HAVE LEFT... MORE TO CHECK ON THE 15 GALS FOR MS. DIVA. IF THEY CHARGE ME FOR IT... I'LL HAVE A FUCKING FIT!) - OK. So... on to what-ever and a mug of hot water and then... to bed. Tomorrow morning should be “interesting” to see who/when/if the front gets cleared for the PO and how much if any. - 24.21 Yep... still up at the table... idiot. Well? The house is cooling and it's time to get under the covers. I've been looking up furnace filters and why the furnace doesn't appear to be blowing as hot as it did last night. This place is beginning to “worry” me. And filters? 30$. Here we go!

Mon.02.Dec:
AT ABOUT 13.00 I RANG AVERY UNDER THE GUISE OF CONFIRMING THAT THEY HAD MY CARD ON FILE TO CHARGE FOR THE RECENT PROPANE. “JUST OUT OF CURIOSITY” I ASKED ABOUT THE BALANCE ON MY “HEAP” AND WHEN SHE TOLD ME I KNEW *IMMEDIATELY*... “16,9gals” GIVEN TO THE QUNT, Ms. DIVA, WAS CHARGED AGAINST *MY HEAP*!!!!! I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! I JUST KNEW IT! WELL? I TOLD THE NICE GAL ABOUT THE ERROR AND SHE CLAIMS TO HAVE “CORRECTED”. HAD SHE NOT DONE, I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO AFFORD NEXT MONTH'S OIL DELIVERY AND PROBABLY NOT THROUGH THE REST OF THIS FUCKING WINTER! SO NOW I NEED TO KEEP THIS IN MIND! FUCKING SHIT! CHANCES ARE, HAD Ms. DIVA BEEN A NICER PERSON (AND NOT ACCUSED ME OF “PEEKING IN HER WINDOWS”) I'D PROBABLY LET IT GO AND EAT MY OWN HEART OUT. BUT FUCK ME IF I'LL LET THIS ROLL!
14.41 HERE'S ANOTHER NOTE FOR THE DAY: THE COFFEE AND THE TEA LIGHTS JUST ARRIVED! I'D JUST GOTTEN UP FROM A NAP AND WAS SITTING ON THE FUTON, WORKING A BIT ON THE “BUDGET” SPREAD SHEETS WHEN I HAPPENED TO NOTICE THE FedEx TRUCK ACROSS THE ROAD. THE DRIVER LOOKED AT THE BUILDING A FEW TIMES BUT SEEMED CONFUSED. SO I STEPPED OUT. “I HAVE A DELIVERY FOR 6690 BUT I'M NOT SURE IF IT'S YOU OR THE POST OFFICE.” I SMILED AND CLEARED THE MATTER, HE BROUGHT THE 2 BOXES AND WE CHATTED BRIEFLY ABOUT THE CONFUSION OF THE BUILDING. MEANWHILE, ALVIN WAS CLEANING THE SNOW FROM Ms. DIVA'S CAR, IN THE DRIVE. AS THE FedEx DRIVER LEFT, HE CALLED TO ALVIN: “I FOUND HIM! HAVE A NICE DAY SIR!” APPARENTLY THE DRIVER HAD ASKED ALVIN WHERE TO FIND ME AND ALVIN DIDN'T TELL HIM! WHAT IN THE FUCK'S NAME IS THIS BULL-SHIT? FUCKING SHIT-BAGS, THESE OLD FUCKS! SO... SINCE PARAMETERS HAVE BEEN ESTABLISHED CLEARLY, THIS IS HOW IT'S TO BE FROM HERE ON IN... FUCK THE DAMNED BUNCH OF THEM! THIS IS TURNED INTO ANOTHER “FUKLIN VT”! I MIND MY AFFAIRS, KEEP QUITE, KEEP THE PLACE IN ORDER. COMPARED TO THE TRASH THAT'S BEEN IN THIS PLACE, THEY SHOULD BE DROOLING AT THE DOOR-STEP WITH GRATITUDE! NO LITTLE BRATS RUNNING ABOUT. NO SMOKING IN THE PLACE. NO BUTTS ON THE PAVEMENT OR “BEING THROWN OUT THE WINDOW” (AS Ms. DIVA DESCRIBED PREVIOUS RESIDENTS). NO “BODY SLAMMING AGAINST THE WALLS”, NO DRUG-RUNNING BUSINESS. FUCK THE LOT OF THEM! I'M AT WITS' END AT THIS JUNCTURE. I DON'T SEE IT GETTING “BETTER”... FOR THEM. JUST LET'S HOPE THEY KEEP THEIR DISTANCE. FUCK. (And I'm to believe that Ms. Vivian's “Cookie Party” is today? Arse hole.)
8.37 Front of the house is cleared. So too, the PO steps and ramp (with ice-melt too). I was up and out of bed at 7.22 (though I wanted to stay in until about 9.00 but...). Coffee on, got dressed, grabbed shovel and broom and out the door! WOOHOO! The snow was coming down ever-so lightly and it was quite “comfy cool” out there. Not “too” much snow to clear. And as I began, Margaret stopped by to drop a letter in the “blue box”. We chatted. She asked about the “new person”. I told her what I know (will be in “orientation” for a couple of days in Albany, then here, then off for a week, Crystal says it'll be about a month). I mentioned how I can hear all the dirt on folks in town because they speak loudly in the PO. She says she doesn't talk about people because we all have “our good and bad sides”. I agreed. She drove off. Next? Mr. Alvin comes over, with shovel and begins to clear by the PO boxes. “This is for her.” he says. We talked about snow, driving and such and *** I MENTIONED THE 15 GALLONS OF OIL ERRONEOUSLY DELIVERED TO Ms. “JOAN”. SAY ALVIN, “ALDEN IS TAKING CARE OF THAT.” OH YES? Well then, I DO believe I need a new air filtre on the furnace. I wonder if Alden will “take care of that” as well... HIS furnace. We shall see. (I have to get down there to check it anyway.) And so, with-in an hour, from out of bed to finish working... DONE! - And a check of the météo shows -3°, though it isn't all that “cold”... as one works to shovel, anyway. And at 8.44, the plough's been by twice again, though the road is quite clear. - Ms. Diva is up and about (I hear through the walls). The furnace is keeping up. (Another reason to head to the cellar to have a look-see.) Nobody at the PO yet. And December commences. - Agenda today? Crochet. About covers it. There are “Photo Pages” to work on but... there's crochet to be done. - Today, I believe the tea-lights are due to arrive (200 of those). Wednesday, the coffee (4 bricks of that). Friday it's the hoops for the crochet-work (12 of those, I believe). So there's the week. - And all the while, I have to think about getting garbage to the dump and food and smokes for the rest of the Winter... with-out the truck. Oh well... the more things change, the more they remain the same. - Off we toddle! - (I also have to call Avery to find my balance for oil and make sure they run the card for the propane!) -
***** ADDENDUM TO THIS MORNING: AFTER FINISHING THE SHOVELLING, I STOOD TO HAVE A LEISURELY SMOKE AND ACROSS THE ROAD, FROM THE NORTH... A BALD EAGLE!!! BEAUTIFUL!!! SOARING ACROSS, OVER CLIFF'S BACK YARD, DIAGONALLY TOWARD THE WOODS/MOUNTAINS BEHIND CHRIS-MEGAN'S! A BALD EAGLE!!! FIRST IN MY LIFE-TIME! *****
9.15 Just received confirmation of “COLA” for Soc.Sec. 1077! Woo-fucking-hoo! The previous increase was 30$. THIS one? A pathetic fucking 17$! Fucking bull-shit. It's because the govt. is taking from the fund. Fuck. Well? As Oma said “When you're time comes to collect, there won't be any.” and as others have said “Good thing you took it NOW!” I've no “kind” wishes or hopes for ANY of the govt. I move along... as the house cools. But I DO have a copy of my “official” earnings from 1972 through. WOW! Fucking grossly UNDER-paid! Alas... - 13.29 Hungry. Chilly. TIRED! The crochet work is NOT working, for some reason. And it's taking MUCH longer than expected BUT... I NEED a nap! Butter and bread are on the counter for when I wake. - 14.51 WELL! Coffee and tea-lights have arrived. Only the hoops remain in transit. I've got the furnace up to 70F because I just can't seem to shake the chill today. And this bull-shit today has just turned shit around where “mood and attitude” are concerned. Oh well... add the fact that the fucking Skype number is fucking up today too. Dorothy tried calling it and it was “dead”. Though it came through on the “ATT” phone. HERE we FUCKING go A-FUCKING-GAIN with the shit not working on an “old” phone. There's NOTHING wrong with the “Samsung”. Oh well... it's been too good the past week. SOME-THING HAD to be taken away. - Now? Back to the crochet that I'm not happy with. And then on to the next what-ever. I'm having a “ginger tea”. Don't know WHAT I'll have for “meal” tonight though. Everything's frozen. - 18.55 A chicken thigh and some “French Onion” soup (Progresso) for meal which began after 17.00 and was over and done before 18.00... of course. - Just off with Skype. Seems the number's working very well again. I even received a call from them... on the “ATT” phone. Maybe it IS because it was up on both phones. I must watch that. Anyway... it's fine again. - Finished the second “crochet” and put a bit of starch on it. Getting ready to hang it in the window with the other one and starting on the next. - 19.10 Phone (Skype) back up and running, “snow-flake” in the window. And the “Cookie Party” seems to be in running. Ms. Biddy just arrived. Parked at the PO and walked over. Screamed a “Hello!” as she walked away. “Welcome Back To NY”. Fuktardz. Not that I'd attend a “function” at the Reiners' ever again any-way. - But... the night is “in”. It's terribly comfortably warm in the house and I'm off to another “crochet”! 2 down... 10 to go. - (2.41 on Tuesday) Talked with Donna tonight, after “meal” and dishes and such. Always SUPER! - The “Cookie Fest” was over by 21.00 and I've spent the rest of the evening finishing one crochet pattern and working a complete other until....

Tue.03.Dec: 2.42 Yep... I managed to finish the 2nd pattern AND worked a complete other! THREE is the count now AND there are a few more in the one book AND I've just gotten ANOTHER BOOK... WITH SNOW-FLAKES and such in it! If it weren't so late... Anyway, an evening of country music, Chris Isaacs and crochet. And I got out the tea-lights for Chanukah... now I need to find some place to put them all. I looked for a piece of glass on-line... SHIT! 30-40$! I'll have to check around for SOMETHING... At least I have until the 22nd. - At about 21.00 “last night”, I set the thermostat to 62F... the furnace hasn't come up at all! Though, out-side, the snow is melted from the pavement so... AND I'm “adjusting” to the coolness in here! - But for now? It's time to quick-brush teeth and get the HELL into bed! It's going to be an interesting rest of the day. (I'm almost tempted to start another crochet pattern but... NO!) - Back to the “old” days... up all hours... crocheting. It's comforting. I believe I'm quite ready to “check out” of this life now... - 11.54 And YES, I DID stay in bed until... 10.00! Got OUT of bed at 10.06 and have NO regrets (other than the fact that the sky is clear, the temperature is -1° and it's quite a beautiful day... for a hike into town... which I am NOT going to do today... BUT will HAVE to do by Friday latest). And in the time from since I got up, I've managed to check the “no post” today, had my coffees, a smoke and a half, AND, put together a “chanukiah”... USING THE ONE CIGAR BOX THAT I HAVE LEFT FROM THE 4 OR 5 I SALVAGED THAT NIGHT ON 38TH STREET! Reminds me of last night's chat with Donna when I mentioned the “Easter Sunday Affair” at 19 CTN. “Oh, like my sister did to me.” said Donna! WOW! Debbie pulled the same or similar shit on Donna! What fucks, useless dregs those 2 are. Then, Donna says, “Dorothy tells me 'Forgive and forget'. Yeah, that's easy for you to say because it wasn't done to you.” Yes, yes, indeed. Evil. Just pure evil. Oh well. We don't “dwell”, we just remember so as not to repeat the same mistake: trusting people. And so many wonder why people like us don't trust others. Fuck. That's all that can be said about it... Fuck. - And so, at the moment, the “throngs” have come and gone from the PO, and Ms. Crystal has left the building. New Russia returns to... indeed it does. And I have a NEW CROCHET BOOK to browse and work on/from. 3 patterns down, 9 to go (if memory serves and there are 12 hoops a-comin'. 'twill be nice in the windows... one hopes. SO! Time to roll along. It won't be long and the sun will disappear into “Giant Mountain” across yonder. - 13.18 Caught up in the soc.med. BS and such and now, with the sun-shine... off to “work”! - 20.33 Just put the furnace up for a while... it's been OK in here all day... and the furnace, set at 62F NEVER kicked-up! BUT... it's almost Nightie Night time and it's a bit chill-damp in here so... I broke down & put the heat up. - OK. Meal? A piece of chicken, rice, finished the ice cream. Oh well. Looks like I'm going to toddling into town either tomorrow or Thursday. Just checked: 19 Church to IGA was about 8mi. From here even to the liquor store (a must) is only 4,4mi! Ggl claims it can be walked in 1,25 hours. IF that's true... 2,5 hours round-trip? A FAR cry from my 6-hour days at IGA. So? We're about to see. (I'm wondering if I should try ice cream?) - And I'm on the 2nd crochet for the day. Both patterns claimed “15cm”... both are only 10cm. The must be using thicker threads and larger needles. But... THEY'RE “SNOWY” and “STARRY” motifs so I don't mind. - OK. The heat's coming and time to get back to work here. (Furnace set at 70F... but NOT for very much longer!) - 21.34 Well... another pattern is done... book said “15cm”... it's only 10, but it's a snow-flake so... We'll see how they fit into the hoops. - Meanwhile, this house is NOT warming tonight! Maybe it's the floor. Maybe it's because up-stairs is empty and open. Either way... this is going to be MURDER come February! - Anyway... time to “wind-down” now... get to bed, see how tomorrow goes. - 23.12 Time to give up, give in and get to bed. Looks like tomorrow's the best/only day to head into town... cloudy, but 1°. After that is snow, rain and such. So? Here we go!

Wed.04.Dec: 8.16 and in from smoke under the clouds that are December morns. Up and out of bed at 7.55, and my right elbow is SORE this morning! Not sure what to do with or about it but, today's the “stroll into town” so it won't be typing or “hooking” for at least 4-5 hours. Might help. - Feeling rather “shitty” this morn. Can't attribute it to “drinking” last night because, well... I didn't. It's just the way it is... mornings. - The plan for the day? See what's in the post and toddle up the road. HEY! I should be looking forward to this. I'll get to learn the terrain, the timing, the region. Instead, to be quite honest, as is usually “me”, I have trepidations. Then too, it'll be interesting to see how I manage with the left foot. This will be the first “excursion” after the break. Should prove “educational”. - The other “plan” is: next month, back on “AAA”. That way, the truck can be towed to the garage for repairs. (Then comes the hopes for enough money, some-how, to get the repairs done!) We shall see. At least I'll have about 200 miles (or even 100 is good enough) for towing. And if need be, that covers towing from here to there and back to here and back to there. THAT'S rather nice. Even if it's to the dealer-ship in town. There ARE “conveniences”. I just have to hold-on and hold-out. Oh... the bull-shit of simply existing. - OK. So, it's times to roll into the day. Only REAL hope is the weather. Let the “storms” stay at a distance until, at least, I return from “errands”. (Old man walking along the road... again.) At least here, there are trees, a river, stuff. MOST of my walks were open fields and a lot of “sky”. AND, I can use the guise of “taking photos”. How lovely! (Maybe I'll find a spot to get some greens for “decorations”?) - OK. Enough of this. “The day.” - 11.09 Post is in. Just another cryptic from FedLoan stating all sorts of payment options and “opportunities” that come to about 200-300 a month. “Forbearance”. No matter HOW they spin this, I'm about to be screwed. But... such is life and as I keep in mind: My “yesterdays” FAR OUT-NUMBER my “tomorrows”. As I said to all too many: One of these days I'll drop dead and none of this will matter to any-body or any-thing. - So right now, the thermostat is set at 68F. It's quite chilly and a touch over-cast out there. But... the walk is still on the table and I'm just “plotting my attire”. NOT looking forward to this but... always the “but”. - Had a LOVELY chat with Crystal about “Post Service” I am SO glad I'm NOT in that any longer. It would have been a GRAVE mistake to return. - So there's that to rejoice in this morning. - On that note... time to get “nip and tucker” together. Let's see how far this will go. (How far *I* will make it.) If the feet go (blisters and such), at least I have crochet to keep me off of them for a while. Shame, really, that I don't have the month's FS. Then again, I couldn't drag all that back anyway. - OH! BUT... just checked the propane charges. Avery DID bill at the lower rate with put a healthy 10$ back into the “budget”. (Hopefully they did like-wise with the oil “mishap”?). And I have to go check the tank for the oil as well... as too, the propane use since the FILL. - Oh... may there be no day with-out dread. - 13.32 WELL! I opted for NOT taking today's hike (in spite of the 90 minutes it should take to make the trip). I WILL REGRET THIS TOMORROW WHEN THE RAINS AND SNOWS ARE FALLING AND MY OLD ARSE IS ON THE ROAD. BUT... I've baked cookies for tonight's nibbles, the dishes are done, the house is warm. The thermo is set at about 64F and the furnace isn't running so that's a positive. And so, it's time to settle-in and hit the next crochet pattern... I do suppose, until “meal” time rolls around. Meanwhile, the back-pack is on the bed-room door, ready for tomorrow, and I know what I'll wear (worst case scenario). MAYBE I'll just get to the PO by about 9.30 tomorrow morning, in case anything (like my cheques) arrive or such and by 10.00, will be on the road. HOPEFULLY the liquor store will be open as well by the time I toddle into town? Who knows? (I suppose I COULD ASK Crystal for a lift at 11.00 but... I don't believe I should be that bold. Though I still remember Mme. 5199 saying “If you'd have asked, Cecil or I or somebody would have been glad to give you a ride.” But I never asked. Oh well. They'll talk about me any-way, better to say “He was SO FUCKING INDEPENEDENT!” Fukkemall... - Time to roll along. The morning is now after-noon and... well... just from anxieties, I'm exhausted! FUCK ME! - 22.00 On the mark. And “meal” (cream of chicken soup with some left-over rice and a touch of veggies, some bread broken in it, cookies and hot “creamer” for dessert... yes, I baked cookies... put coconut oil in with the butter and they're NOT HARD!) was done, dishes and all, before 18.00. Another 45 minute deal from start to finish. - Managed to get another pattern crocheted. Napped. Started a new “Magen David” and am screwing it up so I'm “walking away” from it for now. - Been listening to ALL of the iPod music again tonight, on “shuffle”, Am having a hot water before bed. The furnace is up on 68F and it's toasty in here tonight... but at one point, about an hour ago, I stepped out for a smoke and saw... lightest flurries. Ah... tomorrow... - Tomorrow... I'm thinking of trying to get to FamDoll. IF I make it to there, I'll leave the truck there, walk up to the liquor store then stop at the market, come back in the truck. It's only 4 miles. The “incline”, little that it is, is en route TO, coming back, there's only one incline. If I don't push the engine, and the weather is as cold as forecast (-1° for the high), other than the steering, it should be OK. HEY! The poor truck managed to make it from Plattsburgh to Sheldon on NO coolant... on the Northway AND the 78! 4 miles should be all that horrid... just the steering. I can HOPE. (Next month... AAA again. THAT way, if... MAY THE GODS, FATE AND KARMA FORBID... I should need, I can have the truck towed to Richie.) - Am pondering the possibility of going to the Credit Union and asking for a loan to make repairs on the truck. I would suppose that if I get a loan for less than the book value of the truck, they could hold the truck in collateral? Only one way to find out. Then, about 3k perhaps, even with payments of 100/month (I'll be in straights so dire, but I'll have the truck to find ways of making the money... I can't help but think: good thing I quite Stewart's when I did; I'd be fucked to the sinuses right about now) I should be able to pull it off.. before I die. Only one way to find out... go ask. Curiosity... if nothing else. - The only way to receive definitive answers to all questions... ASK! WTF have I got to loose? They say “Yes”, I get the truck. They say “No”, I'm exactly where I am... walking until. - OK. 22.14. Thermostat back to 62F for the night. A little run on the soc.med. with hot water. A smoke, brush teeth... TO BED! - Gee... it's been “quiet” all day. No texts, no calls, nothing. How charming. How fucking charming.

Thu.05.Dec:I FUCKING DID IT! WALKED INTO TOWN!!! 0.04 Well? So much for getting to bed at a civil hour... before mid-night... I'm OFF to smoke, brush, bed! FUCK! - 8.06 and THAT was QUICK! I got out of bed at 7.50 and already, the coffee's in the press, I'm dressed (though not yet for the 'hike” to follow), in from a half-smoke in the not-too-cold morning air, looking at the flurries on the mountains, the very few flakes that fall out-side my windows, and here we are. I woke at about 6.00 and dozed, and as I dozed I had “split dreams” that had little-to-nothing to do with each-other, still, they're rather disturbing: It was over-cast in both segments.
At some sort of mechanics' garage with the truck. Some guy put some sort of “wheel cover” on the steering wheel, a “decorative” piece of some-thing plate-like, and just walked away, laughing. I had to get “John” to some-where but the work on the truck hadn't been done. The mechanics didn't seem to care and John was in a bit of a rush. So we got into the truck and started to roll. At one point, I had to take a “short-cut” to get from one road to the other. For some reason, it was “Dorset to the Hinesburg” roads. It wasn't stated in the dream, but that's what was on my mind... in the dream. I had to cross somebody's property, a guy I knew, some-how, was building his house on the property, it was cleared, all dirt, but muddy. I said, as we traversed “I hope he doesn't mind.” that I wasn't following the tyre tracks that the guy had already made, and when we got to the other side, there were old tyre wheels in the mud that had been put there to keep the guy's vehicle from sinking into the mud. I had to go round them, for fear of flattening my tyres. As we got on the road on the other side, I noticed some sort of “red light” emminating from round the “plate” on the steering wheel! I could barely see, in a reflection, the gauges. The truck was over-heating! In a bit of annoyed anger, I took the “plate” off and could clearly see the temperature gauge, fluctuating above and to “operational temperature”! “OH SHIT! I SHOULD HAVE BEEN PAYING ATTENTION TO THAT!” I said, and I thought “Just keep it down, open the heater full. I have no choice at this point. Got to get there.”
Split... suddenly, I'm at an aeroport, I'm taking a flight to some-where. It's later in the day, over-cast but “going toward evening”. I'm talking with some-one... not some-one with me, not really on a phone. How I'm talking with them isn't quite clear. I'm in a bit of a rush, running through the terminal. I already have my ticket and I'm not quite certain where to go to board. Some-body yells to the crowd “Go over to the park and have a seat to wait. There'll be a 'white bird' to pick you up and bring you to your plane. I leave the terminal to head out to a “park-like” area just across. A group of older people gather at the benches. As I walk to the park, I tell whom-ever I'm talking to “This is the first time in a LONG time since I've done this. I'm getting on a plane with nothing but my ticket.” I don't have any baggage, no change of clothes, just the ticket. I got to the park, sit at the end of a row of benches as a “maintenance lorry/train” comes round at a rather high speed. I can see the driver. He looks angry, slams the brake, looks disgusted with all of us waiting there, then hits the accelerator and goes on. I get up and am standing in front of the terminal again, across from the park. Two “white” “tandems”... “passenger shuttles”, long, train-like pull in. One goes to the park, the other pulls in front of the terminal. It's almost understood that these will take us to our planes. (I'm not going on the same one with the old folks.) I assume one will go to one flight, the other to another, but I don't remember my flight number and have to dig into my pockets for my ticket as I wait for some kind of announcement as to whether or not this “tram/shuttle” is, in fact, taking us to our flights. I'm growing anxious over the situation... AND... I wake up.
And that's the beginning of this day. NOW... I can't figure what the “aeroport” dream has any connection with/to, but the TRUCK is almost obvious. I went to sleep last night (this morning) thinking that I could try to drive to FamDoll and walk about to market and such, then drive back from FamDoll instead of walking the entire length. Still not sure about that idea, but there, in the dream, the over-heating of the truck and such. As for the aeroport... the only speaking was the reference to getting on a plane with nothing but a ticket. Rather like recent trips into town with nothing but the little case of banque cards and license. I'm always rather amazed when I do that, being so accustomed to bringing music and the little “waist bag”. Oh well... there's still time to muddle all of this. It DOES concern me though. - OK. Meanwhile, I've set the thermostat to 66F and the furnace has run twice already. Today is “fuel check” day as well. Friday to Thursday, almost a week. GOT to see how much fuel, oil and propane, is gone and adjust accordingly. - Started another crochet of the “Magen David” before bed last night. There's that to work on this morning. I STILL have to work on the “new pages” for this Journal as well... things to pass the time, I suppose. But I DO have to make it into town, smokes, and perhaps some food, would like to get a bottle for “Chanukah” evening... a little beverage to see it in/through. Next payment is ON Xmas day and THEN FIVE WEEKS until the NEXT! Oh... you know... At least I'm here... where I am... in the Adirondacks. I used to think of a little place, removed from others, independent and such. I'm close to that, since nobody in town speaks to me. So? So... that's how it is. Fukkem! Fukkemall! (And once again... I could use some help... BUT I'LL BE DAMNED IF I'LL EVEN ASK FOR IT! NOT FROM THESE “Good Folks of New Russia”... as on the “Highway Clean-up” sign indicates.) - ON WITH THE DAY! Eh? - 12.08 Ditching the crochet (almost done) and getting dressed and OUT the door! HERE WE GO! -
16.18 DID IT!!! I BLEATING BLOODDY WELL FUCKING DID IT!!! WALKED “INTO THE VILLAGE” (as Margaret put it). AND I'M BACK, WITH CHICKEN, ICE CREAM, TONIC, BUTTER AND VODKA!!! AND... THE GROCERIES ARE PUT AWAY, THE CHICKEN IS CLEANED AND PUT UP, 2 PIECES IN THE OVEN FOR TONIGHT'S “MEAL”, THE DISHES ARE DONE, THE KITCHEN IS CLEAN AND I'M DONE!!! I LEFT AT 13.44! WAS BACK IN THE DOOR AT 15.27!!! AND NOW I'M RATHER IN SHOCK! BUT!!! I BLEATING BLOODY FUCKING WELL DID IT!!! (With 2 lifts but...)
I'd crossed the brook, passed Richie's and the cemetery when a gust of wind came up. I had to stop to tie my hood to keep my hat on when a black pick-up stopped. Guy offered me a lift and I accepted, ONLY because of my timing (and the wear on my feet... because, yes, I was beginning to “feel” the 1,36mi/2,19km that I'd already walked). “Ron” gave me a lift to FamDoll! I was really quite relieved. It wasn't cold, though there were the slightest flurries. But it was all about me over-doing my first real WALK in a while. And so, at FamDoll, 4 packs of smokes (not enough to “last”, but a HELL OF A LOT better than what I had... the last 7 of the last purchase). THAT done, I strolled through town and up to the liquor store. Got a bottle of vodka, chatted for a moment and headed back across town to Tops. There, I got a flyer, coupon for butter, grabbed a package of chicken, got a bottle of tonic (to go with the vodka, of course), and decided to make an attempt at ice cream, since I was there. Okie-dokie, done! Mission accomplished... headed back out to the road and back to New Russia. En route, I felt the blisters beginning on my right foot. Had to stop twice to pull socks back up, but didn't mind. I'd walked-up enough body heat so the stopping was a bit of a relief. Truth is, had I not been so out-of-condition, the walk is rather easy. I set land-marks... The cemetery, the “Halfway House”, the “E-town” sign... and on the way back, the “E-town” sign” (first stop for socks), the “Halfway House”, (then a stop at the Lobdell Rd. bridge for another socks-pull), the cemetery/Richie's, the Roaring Brook bridge then up the little hill and HOME! The land-marks came quite quickly. Had it not been for the pain in the foot, it would have gone right along. And I stopped for a bit to chat with the horses just up the road. That made the entire trip SO worth the being out! And as I strolled along I heard a car stop beside me. I looked up to see MARGARET! “Do you want a ride?” I couldn't believe it. Only this morning I'd told her I was going to walk into town today. “Alvin walks into the village.” said she. “Not in THIS weather, but...” And so, when she offered, with the pain in the foot I accepted. Got a lift the last 2800ft (0,53mi/0,85km) to the door! So! As it rolled:
TO:
4,4mi/7,08km less 3.04mi/4,90km lift from Ron - 1,36mi/ 2,19km walked.
FROM:
4,4mi/7,08km less 0,53mi/0,85km lift from Margaret - 3,87mi/6,2km walked
5,23mi/8,41km !!!
Not bad... though it wasn't the full 8,8mi/14,1km but HEY! I BLOODY BLEATING FUCKING WELL DID IT!!!
17.01 “Meal” time! - 18.39 Chicken was quite delicious, and hot and most welcome tonight! A bit of rice with. Cookies after. And now, dishes done, hot water at hand. An e-mail to Theresa in response to her most WONDERFUL words. A bit of music on and I'm going to take a SNOOZE! The furnace is set at 66F and feels great as the temperatures are plummeting out-side as a great wind beats the walls of the house. HEY! I MADE IT... and in time before the HELL breaks! - Now... for a snooze and then back to crochet! - 21.49 I thought I'd be in the shower by now but it looks like I'm 20 minutes “off”. But I got another “Magen David” done for the other set of windows and started a “pineapple” only because I need another 2 15cm patterns at least (along with 2 more so-flakes). Had a 40-minute snooze so... But I'm actually tired and have had a Nighty Night... just to “help along”. I'm going to have a quick shower before bed too. I worked for one! - It's warm enough in here now for a shower but I'll put the thermostat back down before bed. - A quick run through the soc.med. and to the shower and to bed. - The hoops are due tomorrow! ONE window will get done... some-how. And I have to work on the “chanukiah”... the little votive glasses don't stack very well and have fallen twice already this evening! NOT good if there's melted wax in them. So? Another something. If I could have found a plain piece of glass... but NO! (And now, with about 12$ in the VT account and 24 in the NY account... not likely I'll be buying. And Chanuka is the 22nd... Soc.Sec. not due until... Xmas day. Hmpf. - Oh well... we simply move along... move along... move along... - 22.12 Almost forgot to mention... CHEQUES arrived today. No more money orders! (Hopefully Alden won't mind but... I'm tired of the extra 1.25$ every month. At this juncture, ever dollar counts! And the cheques, ugly as the are, were FREE!) - 22.50 AND THIS DAY IS DONE! SHOWERED! READY FOR BED! DONE!

Fri.06.Dec: 7.44 and out of bed at 7.11. Why? Simple because. Lama? Kacha. B'seder. Didn't get to sleep until after mid-night though. Tickle in the throat. And at about 1.00, gave a hefty dose of tooth-ache gel to that lower-right tooth. From then on, schlaf. (What kind of morning is THIS? Hebrew and German? GOODNESS!) Anyway... there's a part of me that could go right back to bed, and the other part is sitting here typing. - Over-cast this morning. Not too terribly chilled, but certainly not July. - Hips are a bit “stiff” this morning, but my JOY today is that I can stand. No blisters on the feet. I'm STILL trying to figure this out: with all the walking from Fuklin to St-Anal, I did quite well where blisters are concerned. And yet, yesterday, only 5mi. and a “bubble” on the foot. There are going to be many more days of that trek, so I have to figure out how to manage with-out destroying the feet. I did it before, I can do it again. - On today's “agenda”? Hopefully the hoops will arrive and I can clutter the windows with crochet works. I have to figure out something safer for the “channukia”. I SHOULD check the “fuel levels”. I need 4 more “items” to crochet for the other windows. There's a shit-load of “notes” on this lap-top that I need to transcribe to some-where else, and others that could probably be deleted. A “back-up” should be done. AND THERE ARE PHOTO PAGES for this Journal that need to be completed. Truthfully? A nap... a good, long, restful nap... preferably of 100 years or more. And my sherpa NEEDS washing. But that's going to take a week (or more) to dry. Not that I need it, particularly. Oh well... as is usual and always... we shall see what comes of the day... at the end. - Thankfully we're still in “single-digit dates”. This is the month when the truck's reg. and inspection will be shot to shit. Funny, that. Ms. Biddy is now “DMV” and Margaret's daughter as well. I “know” folks down at the DMV. NOT, mind, that it'll do me any good. - I can't help but think: Margaret's from “up the hill” and is always so kind to me. Yet, here, “in the valley” (one could suppose it is), it appears, I'm not on any-body's “friend” list. Oh well. It's “NY”... “home”... and this is what I longed to return to. It's probably better this way anyway. - OK. I hear the furnace revving-up. The thermostat's still set at 62F. Not terribly uncomfortable in here. I'll leave it at such for as long as possible. Meanwhile... coffee's in the press, and I've had morning smoke. So? It's on with the day. What-ever. - 12.18 HOOPS ARRIVED! AND TOO... A BOX FROM DOROTHY WITH... 2 ROLLS OF LIGHT BLUE AND ONE OF WHITE THREAD WITH 5 LARGE HOOKS AND A LITTLE “MAGEN DAVID” TREE ORNAMENT! Well! The thread will keep me busy and MAYBE I'll just the larger hooks to make that scarf I truly do need! - I walked into the PO to find a woman I don't know, Alvin and Jeff standing about, chatting. Crystal gave me my parcels and paper and I bade all a happy Winter and left. Truly? Nothing to say to the lot of them. No animosity, no love... just best to keep my business out of theirs. - Meanwhile, it's a toss: bread and peanut-butter with left-over (cold) coffee for “lunch” or a snooze. Both are equal at the moment in attractiveness and necessity. Food. Then snooze. Then back to work. - Oh... and the hoops are almost too big for the 10cm and not enough for the 15cm! I had to SHRINK the “Magen David”s to fit properly. Can't quite figure... though I'm sure it has all to do with the tightness of the stitches and the size of the hook I use. BUT... they're salvageable. (Shame I don't have any red ribbon to add. Oh well. Will make do with what's here.) - 21.22 already! WELL! THIS snowy day (indeed, it DID snow and is snowing even still... though not heavily) passed quickly! And spent mostly crocheting more to put into the hoops. I'm a little disappointed that the hoops are a bit too large, but they'll have to do. I'm NOT buying any more! And so, anyway, yes, the entire day... crocheting. - Of course, “meal” of spaghetti with “Hearty Tomato Soup” was at 17.00 and complete before 18.00. Cookies followed (and follow yet). - Dorothy? Well, after all the “Give me a couple of minutes to put laundry in the dryer...” at about 15.00 when she wanted me to call her, I didn't bother to reply until after meal when I simply “texted” “Sorry! Crochet, laundry, snow...” Her reply? “I hear ya.” Something about vacuuming, laundry and “call me tomorrow”. Darling? If you want to talk with me... the telephone works in both directions. I'm SO TOO OLD for that sort of shit. Donna says she pulls that with every-body. Pull all you like. I'm not playing. - And so, after meal, I got back into the crochet. There are, at least, 3 more pieces to make before WINDOW TIME! I'm in no particular rush. - I DID figure something for the “channukiah” though... a bit of foil round upper votive glass, set into the lower. Holds well, keeps them from expanding and sticking together. Looks fine too. Done. - The furnace has kicked-up a few times during the day. But it'll be back to 62F quite soon. I've had the sherpa on most of the day anyway. - As for now? Well... I'll have my hot water, check the soc.med. Been thinking: I should put music on “G's” tonight. But there's time for that as well. - Gee... tomorrow's post should have NOTHING for me! - Monday, FS come in. There's a coupon for more butter, sugar at 1,79... I haven't checked the rest. I just MIGHT HAVE to bring the truck into town on Monday... Park at FamDoll and haul the groceries from Tops. The “holidays” are coming. I'll need food and such for that. And this is the last chance before then. (Then too, when the holidays are done... so is the registration and inspection on the truck... HERE WE GO BOYS AND GIRLS! But I'm taking a “Donna” stance: If it runs, I drive it... though ever so gently.) - With that... on with the wind-down of the day. Bed will be most welcome tonight. - (Oh, and I've been listening to the iPod all day too... MUSIC... imagine that.)

Sat.07.Dec: 0.09 and a bit late again but it's Saturday and there's no-where to go, nothing but “home-stuff” to deal with, nothing in particular in the post... I could, as a technicality, sleep-in until July... but... off I go. Soc.med. again, of course. - AND IT'S TIME TO TURN THE FURNACE DOWN! (No major freezings in the forecast. THANK YOU!) - 8.40 “le ciel est bleu et beau” indeed. And I'm only JUST getting up and about. Coffee in the press. Shirt soaking (last night's “Hearty Tomato”), coffee in the press, me dressed, and just a bit of snow on the pavement out front that I'm leaving... because Mr. Alvin was so prompt to clear the last snow-fall “for her”, I want to see what he'll do now (nothing, I suspect, save bitch about me not clearing it). Hey! From NY to VT, it was always me, who cleared the way for the customers. Let's see how THIS works out. Eh? - My legs and chest are quite tight yet, this morning. That 5mi. hike must've done a bit of something. I really MUST get me back into shape. But mean-while and other-wise... it's another morning. - Oh, and the PO isn't open yet. Gee. Good that I'm not expecting anything of importance. - So? With that... on with the day. - 11.16 SHIRTS ARE HANGING IN THE SHOWER. THAT “ORVIS” FLEECE IS HANGING THERE AS WELL. UNDER-GARMENTS ARE HANGING O'ER THE RADIATOR IN THE DOOR-WAY TO THE “BLUE” ROOM. I've been “soc.med.” most of the morning. And the PO only just opened about 20 minutes ago. - There's a distinct “chill” to the air in here at the moment. But the sun is shining and me? I don't give a shit about much of anything. “Can't”, really. And so... on with the day we go! - (2.30 Sunday 08.Dec I'VE JUST FINISHED PUTTING THE CROCHET INTO THE FRAMES! Took photos. Sent to Dorothy and Donna.) As for the rest of Saturday? Well, I crocheted all through the day today. There was brilliant sun-shine pouring into the living-room (for the 10 minutes we get day-light) and so, I was “inspired”. At 16.00, I put 2 pieces of chicken into the oven and of course, by 17.00 I was at table, watching “Mr. Bean”. By 18.00, of course, meal was done as were dishes and I was back in the living-room, working the last 2 patterns (repeats). Wasn't paying attention to the time and it just rolled along, as it does.... And so... (we move to current time/date)

Sun.08.Dec: 2.35!!! I've been working on the crochet ALL day yesterday and here it is, today already! I even missed EVERY-THING (Watters, Jeannine, Guttfeld...) on Fox! Just sitting here, on the futon, working with the crochet workings. But... SIX OF THEM ARE IN HOOPS. Now to figure how to get them into the windows. But that's for later... when I wake from my ... nap. Right now, having my last hot water. - Quite the day. No Internet. No oven to heat. The furnace set at 68F this evening. (I've just put it back to 62F so I'll have to be getting into bed soon.) - Oh... checked the oil tank (yesterday). Down by about 1/8th in the week... NOT what I consider “good”. But I'm still above half tank. I take some comfort in that. There really isn't anything I can do about it. Hopefully December will be “kind”... January? I don't expect kindness. And I'm not even going to give February a thought. I know March and April will still be cold but... - I had a thought earlier, standing out on the porch for a smoke... about the truck: I have to wonder if the cold snap we had didn't bust the belt. We did have a couple of bitter nights. Oh well. “What” did it isn't important at this point. I need for figure ***HOW*** to get it repaired! SOON! (I'm still pondering a stop at the credit union... for schitzengiggles. No harm in asking, I don't suppose. - Meanwhile, I'm actually FINALLY getting tired! - Météo claims -12 with -15 chill right now. I'm thinking that I have to get to the dump and the market this week... Thursday looks cold enough to take the truck. If the weather is bitter and I don't push it... I MIGHT be able to get things done... especially MARKET! - Oh well... right now there's nothing that can be done about any-thing any-way so... I'm off to finish hot water and then get to bed! - THANKFULLY NO PO TODAY! I MIGHT BE ABLE TO JUST SLEEP IT ALL AWAY! - 3.03 OFF TO BED! - 8.44 up dressed, had vit.C, coffee in the press and on the way to a smoke. WHY? Because at 8.15 I HAD to get up to pee and, well... I'm out of bed and here I am and there'll be “naps” during the day, no doubt but... - 13.05 and this day is rolling along and I can't believe I haven't napped (yet). - Thermostat is set at 62F and the furnace keeps kicking in! I'm wondering WTAF is going on here. This house heats quickly... and cools just about as quickly. Fuck! - Ms. Diva is having some sort of “insulation” installed this efter-noon. “Tap tap tap bang bang”. Two guys are working on saw horses in the back drive... and it's over-cast, not too cold but certainly not the kind of day one would want to be out-of-doors in. Though the cloud cover is a blessing... keeping it warm enough... just warm enough to be dampish. - Me? I've been working on a scarf (at long last... and hoping the yarn I have will make something suitable and useful since I have what I have and don't have any more). Odd, working with yarn again after all the threads. As for the threads... all the little “dos” are “hooped”. I wanted something “red” to add to them, for hanging, but don't have anything of the sort. No ribbon, no money to get ribbon, no way to get to the store to get ribbon and no time to wait for “delivery”. AH HAH! I DO HAVE “PAPER TISSUE”... PACKNG FROM SOME ORDER. WHITE. BUT I ALSO HAVE RED ACRYLIC PAINT! SO... I mixed a bit of paint, pulled out one of the old brushes I salvaged from the “white room” at 5199 (Cecil should be so happy that his brushes and such are being put to good use), and brushed-in 3 coats of acrylic into the paper. Will it work? I don't know. But I'm going to try to cut strips, make “make-shift” bows for the tops. A little “warm colour” for the “decorations”. We shall see how it all turns out. - The FUCKING FURNACE SHUT DOWN AND CAME BACK UP ALL IN THE TIME IT'S TAKEN ME TO TYPE THIS! I'M NOW “ANNOYED”. I don't WANT to use the oven to heat this month. January and February are coming and I KNOW I'll need augmentation for the heating. I don't want to call for more oil until, at least, mid-January... (not that I think that's at all possible but I can hope... fool-idiot that I am). Oh well. What-ever I need, what-ever I have to deal with what-ever I need, I shall use. - Noting: At about 2.30 this morning, when I'd done with all the “hooping”, I sent a photo to Dorothy (and to Donna). Haven't heard a word. (Although, I just noticed that I haven't turned the phones back on. Hmmm... turned them off last night, checked them this morning, must have turned them all off again. Silly me. Just turned them back on but.... no word from Ms. Craftsy Georgia. Just goes to show.... Even as Donna implied: The world need not bother until it's convenient for her. OK. So I'm a touch the same but... ) - Oh... must to note too: Was gleaning an “Adirondack Life” earlier, and article about “Adirondack Hermits” of yore. There's a little “check-list” comparing “Hermits” to “Squatters”. I've “passed” the “test”... “Hermit”. Oh well... as I said before, I've said since, I say even now... “I've come home to die”. Don't care. What-ever will be, will be. - I SHOULD be baking. I need bread, would like some cookies for desserts. Don't have the interest or the energy at the moment. In fact, I'm now considering a “snooze”. May as well. There's nothing “pressing”. The paint on the paper has to dry. The scarf has waited this long. I've been sitting in silence all day. Nobody's expected to drop by for festivities of any sort. There's soc.med. But I checked e-mails, responded to “reviews” of recent purchases (coffee, vitamins, the hoops), checked the “author channel” on Minds. I'm delighting in not spending every moment “on-line” and not using electric and the likes. So? There's no harm in a snooze... especially “waiting for the paint to dry”... (New Russia). - OK. 13.23 and it IS “snooze time”... 30 minutes should be fine. After all, I've been expecting a “drop in energy” considering the approximately 5 hours of “sleep” this morning. - 16.42 I can't believe this day is over already! But... the painted tissue worked rather well and there are 12 “bows”, waiting for the glue to dry. Now, to figure out how to “string” the crochet-works for hanging. One step at a time. Trial and error. - DID get word from Dorothy... Just found it about an hour ago. She'd sent at 10.30. But I didn't have the phones on. - The “ATT” is on now... playing “NRJ”... but it MUST be from France because NOBODY in QC speaks that way. (And I can't get the “Play-list”... much to my “chagrin”.) - Tonight's “meal”... I cut 3 cloves of garlic, put them into the pot with a dab of olive oil, salt and pepper and “stewed” for about 30 minutes. Removed the garlic, added water to the rest. I'm having past tonight. No dessert... because I will NOT go into the ice cream that's in the freezer! (So far, it looks like Thursday will be the best day to try to get the truck into town... I have to hope that the butter and sugar are still available. Not planning on it though, unless there's horrific weather to keep people off the roads between now and then. And I believe Thursday is “dump day” also. I'll have to see if I dare push the extra 6 miles both ways.) - And so, another day passes... another day. - Managed to keep the furnace at 62F. It FINALLY stopped running every 45 minutes! It hasn't been all that cold in here either. And I've managed to keep busy. - Now? Off to “meal”... with Guttfeld... I hope. Something “newsy” but light. - Tonight? TRY to string the crochets. I'd LIKE to have them in the window when the locals arrive at the PO tomorrow. “LIKE”. We know how THAT usually works out. - 20.00 ON THE MARK! AND THE CROCHET-WORKS ARE UP IN THE WINDOWS!!! I'M JUST IN FROM CHECKING THEM AND WITH THE LIGHTS ON IN THE LIVING-ROOM, THEY LOOK QUITE NICE! (A little tinsel garland would be nice but...I don't care to “over-do”. The “snow-flake motif: is sufficient. - The little bows> WELL, they worked well.. with the fishing line looped to hang, they fit right into that loop. No fuss. No muss. Just done. And when the shit comes out of the window, they'll either stay put or will just fall off. I don't really care one way or the other. I've done my “festive”. And I can't believe it's done... and it's only 20.00! - “Meal, mean-while (pasta), ended with a bit of ice cream. I grow tired of “saving for special”.. With the truck as it is, funds as they are, “Life” as it is... - But you know? I just might have a beverage tonight... just on account of because. - Tomorrow... photos of the windows. Tonight? Clean the little untidiness. Then? Back to the scarf! Then? To BED! - 23.51 2 beverages, finished the VT bottle. Not a “buzz”. Lower right tooth ALMOST got pulled tonight. Thankfully the furnace isn't constantly running. (It's about 4° if not 2° out there). And now? Last smoke and into bed! THIS fucking day... is DONE! (Watched a Dame Edna video... reminders of... Brad.)

Mon.09.Dec: 0.05 Just in from last smoke. Furnace cranked to 70F for “bed-time”. Just finished watching a “documentary” of sorts of “Dame Edna”. And on the front porch, in the breeze, looking round at every-thing, the thought occurred to me:
The “bills” are current, all's settled... 2 beverages in...
THIS IS IT. “THE BOOK” IS DONE”. That “book” that's locked on the other lap-top... from the night in Central Park to here, now... THE BOOK IS DONE...
There really nothing more to be written, nothing more to say. - When the furnace stops... I'm going to bed. The book... is done. - 9.33 Well... I'm up, dressed, in from a smoke, on this rather “warmish” morn, the coffee's in the press and another “day” has commenced. This, after waking at about 5.00, looking at the clock and deciding “NO!”, rolling over and going back to sleep until waking again, looking at the clock and seeing 9.11, noting the hour and simply getting up, out of the bed and rolling into the routine. - Hellz Bellz! Météo claim a POSITIVE temperature this morning! THREE! 3°! No minus! In fact, no minuses until tomorrow at 14.00! Not even the “chills”! 5° for tonight, chills of 2°. EIGHT (8°) for tomorrow's high in the morning! But 0° at 17.00 tomorrow evening! Having a heat-wave! (Gee... if the truck was functioning properly... what a day for a road trip... but... never mind that, I'll rejoice in the “no need for oil”, and have done with it). Oh well. There's today's “excitement”. And as for the rest of the day? A bit of crochet and... what-ever comes along to “fill the hours”. - Those 2 beverages last night helped with getting to sleep. This morning is no different from any other: drag. Once upon a time I'd've thought the “drag” was the vodka, but time has shown that it makes no difference on a morning. I feel like shit no matter what, when I wake. So? So... entry entered, it's on with the day. - And no, the PO isn't open yet. (Though I MUST add what I failed to mention on Saturday: Poor Crystal was saying that she's already aware of “some people complaining” about the “new hours”... her arriving “late” and such, accusing her of over-charging and the likes. I have to take solace in knowing this. As I told her about “Kevin Lothian” and the spitting, to make her feel a bit better. Why did I do so? Simply because... I want people to know what that miserable town, Fuklin, truly IS... as well as the state. Crystal also confided that Ms. Biddy's tardiness and constant whining about there being too much work in a day was due, for the most part, to her “socialising”... which was also a great contributor to the animosities about the hamlet Yep... I had the little “Vermonter” pegged quite spot-on... just as with the one in residence to the rear of the house here... Ms. Diva. - 9.48 Oh dear.... the “villagers” are beginning to arrive at the PO... to find locked door and dark windows. “Let the good time roll.” Hey! Had the postal service not changed into a tyranny, I'd've been their “PM”... and the place would be open by 8.00 (if not 7.00). Alas... too bad, tough shit, and NOT “terribly sorry” at all. “Je 'lol'.” - 12.40 6°. Wind blowing quite fiercely. House and hamlet are “calm”. Just shot off a terse complaint to Walmarde saying “Get stuffed” (not really that horrid, but quite the “goood-bye good riddance”). And now, I should get to bread-making. Don't really want to, since the house is warm enough. But, when “meal time” comes, I'll be better for having done. - Snooze would be nice, but that's merely “avoidance” at this point, so... off we go to the kitchen! -
22.43 WHAT A FRIGGIN NIGHT! TALKED WITH DOROTHY TWICE TONIGHT BUT... ***** THE NEWS ***** ABOUT THE TRUCK... WE GOT TALKING ABOUT THE TROUBLES AND SHE CAME UP WITH “IT'S THE SERPENTINE BELT.” YEAH... WELL... CHAMPLAIN CHEVY TOLD ME THAT THAT HAD TO BE REPLACED BUT THE PRICE-LINE THEY GAVE WAS ABOUT 1000$. MY GUT WRENCHED. SAYS DOROTHY “DANNY REPLACED MINE IN THE FORD, TOOK HIM A COUPLE OF MINUTES.” WHAT? VERY SIMPLE AND QUICK. THE MECHANIC WANTED OVER 100$ JUST FOR THE PART AND I WENT OUT AND FOUND IT FOR ABOUT 30$ AND DANNY WENT IN AND CHANGED IT FOR ME.” YEAH? WELL, I FIGURED DANNY'S PROBABLY A MECHANIC BUT... SHE SUGGESTED I LOOK TO BUY IT MY-SELF AND CALL MY MECHANIC TO FIND OUT HOW MUCH THEY'D CHARGE TO DO THE WORK, BUT, SHE FIGURED, I COULD PROBABLY DO IT MY-SELF. “ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS LOOSEN THE OLD ONE, SLIP IT OFF, PUT ON THE NEW ONE AND JUST RE-TIGHTEN IT. THERE'S PROBABLY A VIDEO ON THE INTERNET TO SHOW YOU HOW.” OK. SO I TOLD HER THAT I WAS GOING TO TRY TO GET TO THE DUMP THIS WEEK WITH IT BEING AS IT IS. “YOU DO KNOW THAT IT'S ATTACHED TO THE ALTERNATOR. RIGHT?” NO! I DIDN'T! “YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO START IT UP, BUT IT WON'T BE RE-CHARGING. YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO MAKE IT TO THE DUMP BUT YOU MIGHT NOT MAKE IT BACK. IF THERE ISN'T ENOUGH CHARGE ON THE BATTERY, THE TRUCK COLD DIE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD.” FUCK ME! I COULD GET STUCK IN LEWIS! NO TOWING. NO AAA, NO NOTHING BUT ME SITTING THERE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD AND A 100$ TOW... AND THEN, TO WHERE? RICHIE? WTF WOULD I DO THEN? AND THINKING 1000$ THAT I DON'T HAVE AND THE TRUCK STUCK AT RICHIE'S AND THEN THE “STORAGE FEES” AND... SO, WE FINISHED OUR CHAT AND I GOT ON-LINE FOR PRICES ON “SERPENTINE BELTS”... FROM 15-95$! THAT'S A HELL OF A CHEAP FIX. NEXT? VIDEO... “2 MINUTES AND 33 SECONDS”... REAL TIME! ONE WRENCH, ZIP, ZIP. DONE! BOTTOM LINE... COUSIN DOROTHY SAVED MY ARSE, LEGS, BACK, FEET... ME! NOT ONLY WITH THE INFORMATION ABOUT THE ALTERNATOR BUT THE COST OF ALL THE REPAIRS TOO! I'M IN A BIT OF A SHOCK HERE TONIGHT! GRANTED, I CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT ANY OF THIS UNTIL THE 25TH. BUT LOOKING AT ABOUT 60-100$ IS A FAR CRY FROM THE 1000! SO I RANG HER BACK TO THANK HER FOR THE INSIGHT AND INFO AND WE GOT TALKING ABOUT THE BRAKES! TRUTH: THE FUCKING MECHANICS IN VT LIED ABOUT THE SERPENTINE BELT, WHO'S TO SAY THEY DIDN'T LIE ABOUT THE BRAKES TOO? SO... CHANCES ARE, THERE IS WORK NEEDED ON THE BRAKES, BUT IF ANYTHING HAS TO BE REPLACED... I CAN GET THE PARTS FOR THAT TOO, AND SEE IF RICHIE WON'T JUST REPLACE THEM... CHEAPER! THANKS TO “COUSIN D. MY HEART IS LIGHTER, SO TOO, MY SOUL! HOODUH THUNKIT? SHE SAVED ME FROM A MASSIVE DEPRESSION! - ALSO... that “Dot” who came out of the no-where, back in the “Newburgh days”, latched on to the old man because they were child-hood sweet-hearts... come to find out... Dorothy was named after HER! First and middle names. Seems the old man named cousin Dorothy! Dot and he were supposed to be married but Gen pulled some kind of shit to thwart that. My parents were “re-bounds”! Each one of them! AND... as for me going to Aunt Sis's on the week-ends... it damned-well could have been that the old man was “seeing” some-body else in Monticello all those years, NOT spending the week-ends with his “Mommie” and I was part of a scheme so that he could bring me up to see Aunt Sis and the cousins whilst he went to get laid! OH the general fuckery! WHAT a fucking night THIS has been!
I'm living just long enough to have questions answered. “Come home to die”. Indeed... and with more understanding of more bull-shit! - Meanwhile... today, I baked 2 more loaves of bread, 3 eggs, a hefty dose of coconut oil and... a BEAUTIFUL, crisp, but thin crust. Used the half-package of old yeast with a fresh package, kneaded twice, then the last knead before braiding... let it rise once more before baking an it's WONDERFUL! I'm getting back to the “old bread” the way I used to make it! Yes, I used to put more eggs in the dough and at least a stick of butter and that's what makes all the difference! And it's a good thing I baked bread today because today's “meal” was just a bowl of cream of mushroom soup... followed by fresh-from-the-oven-still-hot bread! Oh well... beats nothing at all. - So right now... I'm working on a tooth-ache. Lower right. It's coming looser. One day, soon, I'll be pulling that one too. No prob. At least the pain will be gone. There's “gel” on it now but I'm about to have more bread and butter and some hot water. - I don't care. I have to look into buying the belt AND a battery re-charger. I remember “Dave Benion” saying that he got his for about 36$ (on sale but). I'll surely need it for when the belt gets changed. And to think... come the end of the month, I want to get back to AAA anyway. But even with all those expenses... belt, charger, AAA, by Summer, I'll be back on the road... LEGAL. Just have to take it all in stride. Meanwhile? I'm looking at more walking into town and limited groceries... of course... for the Winter. Oh well... One of these days, with any luck, I'll just drop dead anyway. - Right now... bread and butter. Then to bed... with a LOT LESS to weigh on my mind, heart and soul. - (I should shower tonight too... We shall see about that in a bit.)

Tue.10.Dec: 0.02 Double-digit date... already. - Was going to shower tonight. Don't believe so. Had more bread with peanut butter. - Looks like tomorrow (Wednesday) will be the better day (-2 high) for another jaunt into “the village”. Flour, butter and sugar on sale! Must give it a try. (Have to find smokes money too whilst at it.) - Looked up “battery recharger”. 125$ Hmmm... pondering. - For now.. off to nap. - 7.58 Up and dressed, coffee had and in the press. Got out of bed at 8.37 and we're rolling along. And although it's wet and over-cast out there, it's as warm as a Summer's day. Nice day for a “stroll”. Sadly... as it is with warm “Autumnal” (it's friggin WINTER, no matter what the “calendar” might claim), there's rain in the forecast. So? No “strolling” THIS morn. TOMORROW, is expected to be sunny... and the “high” of... zero. So? So. We shall see what comes of time. - Meanwhile, my head hit the pillow and I was OUT! No teeth-brushing. No “Adirondack Life” reading. No clench-guard. Just into bed and to sleep. Woke at about 5-something, as I recall. But went right back to sleep. I'm a bit “lighter”, knowing that the repairs to the truck are FAR LESS than 1000$ AND that I CAN (probably), make that belt change m'self. Now, it's just a matter of accepting that it won't be done until the end of the month. BUT... today's already “double-digit day” so... - The calendar on the lap-top shows.... IT'S BEEN A YEAR... LAST YEAR, TOMORROW, I WAS IN THE GARAGE AT 5199, STACKING FROZEN FIRE-WOOD AND SMASHED MY TOE! IT'S BEEN A YEAR. WHAT A DIFFERENCE A YEAR MAKES. No fire-wood THIS year, tomorrow. Perhaps, though, there'll be a walk. What-ever. - Feeling? A bit “odd”, as usual. There's still some “stress” on the ticker and chest. BUT... at least I have the comfort of the situation with the truck. - So for now, “living in the moment”... there's a bit of crochet to be done (especially if I'm to “stroll” tomorrow). And other than that? “Filling the day”. No prob. Or... perhaps: “NP TY”... Fuck. - 9.28 Off-line time! And, the PO is open! So? On with the day... Why? Don't know, really. But here we go any-way. - 21.58 Well... off to the shower for a scrub-down. Had a good “meal” of 2 pcs. chicken and lots of rice, ice cream after and have just had bread and butter with evening hot water. All in prep to tomorrow's “hike”... I need to figure out how to pay smokes! Looks like I might have to split: VT and CAD. Oh well. If not for the smokes, I probably wouldn't bother with any of it, though I could use the sale butter, sugar and flour. Hopefully, there'll be no wind tomorrow so I can take my time, stroll. At least I won't be going all the way up to the liquor store? - Ms. Diva's car is gone today. I don't know when, why or where but I think some-body's back to taking care of “Little Girl”. It makes me damned nervous. If she's “gone” and Alden has to rent the place, with the history of what he puts in his houses, this is going to be HELL... I'll HAVE to move... AGAIN! I'm NOT at all thrilled about it. I wouldn't want that flat back there. Though, it would be nice to have a bath-tub, and not have to listen to the idiots in the PO ever morning. Still, only the one bed-room in the back (though, I could keep an eye on the truck). Actually, the porch is nice, not being on the 9. AND... I wouldn't be “Rte.9”, I'd be on “the hill”... Nbr. 5, I believe. Then again, all the oil in the tank, the propane... I'd lose all that, were I to remove before using it all. Still, I imagine there's a lot of cleaning that would have to be done over there before anybody moved in. There might be some time. And if the place goes empty... in Winter... there's the issue of heating. It'll go cold and that'll make this place harder to keep warm. Not to mention... I CAN'T AFFORD TO MOVE NOW! I DON'T EVEN HAVE THE TRUCK AVAILABLE! AT ALL! Oh well... No sense panicking now. Tomorrow is more of a “priority” any-way. - It was another day of a nap, some crochet, made 2 “holiday music” lists for the G's channel. (I'll probably need that “sit down” work when back from “town”.) A couple of “text” messages from Dorothy... another “excuse” for not calling. She's something... just something. - But for now, I need to get to the shower, get into bed. I'll be needing all the stamina I can muster for tomorrow. - 20-fucking-3.01! SO much for “in be by 22.00. BUT... I'm SHOWERED! I'M ME AGAIN! It does feel so much better. And tonight, the “New Hampshire Sleepers”. Ah... the memories of THAT trip with dear Silas... for his “orientation and training” for the PO. And the cold nights, alone, in that beautiful house in Richford. His infrequent visits to comment on the cold of the house, the cold of the weather, the cold of the climate... and the horrid accusations of “shirking” responsibilities for every-thing. Not to mention, the worries about the oil, the furnace, the house, the every-thing. - Right now, it's about 75F in here. I'd put the furnace up for the shower. - Stepped out for last smoke. It's chilly, a bit over-cast but not bad. -2 for the high tomorrow. I can only hope. - Still trying to figure the smokes in with all else, and how to carry all the groceries back. Two back-packs, I should think. Well? One way to find out. Hey! I used to shop at Waldbaums, and have to cross the Bruck to get groceries back to Bay Shore... and I managed that. And I'd think it was farther than 4 miles... not to mention, the Bruck. Oh well. (Yes, I was MUCH EXTREMELY YOUNGER back then, but... I ain't dead yet... sadly.) - So now? Off to bed... hopefully to sleep through the night and wake, refreshed and fine in the morn. - At least my right elbow isn't painful tonight. But tomorrow... there'll be the back, the legs, the feet. Oh... alas... all ass.

Wed.11.Dec: ONE YEAR AGO TODAY... BROKEN TOE/FOOT!!!!! 8.53 and -8° at present, as I sit here, having checked the météo and the mileage for today's “stroll”... having gotten out of bed, following a night of sleep (though, as is always, not exactly the “refreshingly restful” sleep one hope for) at about 8.08. Coffee's in the press and I'm “dressed”. Still trying to figure the best course of attire for today since I REFUSE to press me as far as time is concerned. Honestly, one way is less that round-trip New Prospect to Walker Valley. This SHOULDN'T be of any sort of concern. And it's even closer than the walk from Fuklin to the 105! Never mind, Fuklin to E. Fairfield PO (in January... across the E. Sheldon Rd.... and Kane!). I just need to pace. The ONLY bit that bugs is socks. I just need to figure how to keep them from drooping and all will be... almost fine. (I'm not thinking of the weight I'll be carrying back: 5lbs each, flour and sugar... 10lbs just there.) Anyway... little “land-marks” have been plotted along the course so I'll have a better idea as to where I am and where I need to go. - The furnace has been up this morning. Set at 62F and it's running along. Smells rather “strange”... as if it's getting a bit “too hot down there in the cellar”. Oh well. - And, now, at 8.59, I hear the morning “notice” that the PO is opening. (I'll inquire about Ms. Diva... see if I can get any info on the situation.) - Other than that... time for coffee... check the post... get the Hell out of town with time to casually stroll. Planning on the walk, 100 per-cent, both directions today. Should be sunny... for all that's worth. - CHARMING WAY TO OBSERVE THE 1-YEAR “ANNIVERSARY” OF A BROKEN TOE! BUT, AT LEAST TODAY, I'M NOT STACKING FROZEN FIRE--WOOD... FOR SOME-BODY WHO SIMPLY TOOK THE ACT FOR GRANTED... THEN PROCEDED TO BURN IT LIKE IT WAS WASTE. NEVER MIND... THE COMPASSION: “YOU NEED TO BE MORE CAREFUL.” FUCK YOU, DEAR. (VERMONTERS... AND WORSE... VERMONT WOMEN! CLUELESS... just like the two here.) -
***** 10.54!!! BEEN TO THE MARKET. BEEN TO FAM.DOLL. BEEN THERE *** AND *** BACK!!! MATTER OF FACT, GOT BACK AT ABOUT 10.40! THIS MORNING'S COFFEE'S STILL WARM IN THE PRESS!!! Stopped at the PO at shortly past 9.00 to inquire about Ms. Diva and as I'm talking with Crystal, Becky came in. We chatted. I mentioned going into town and as I mentioned, Tom came in. Becky said “You should ask Jeff for a ride. Jeff's always going into town.” Tom says “I'm going into town right now.” Becky says “Get your stuff! There's your ride!” Well... WELL!!! SNAP DECISION: I BOLTED INTO THE HOUSE, PUT ON MY JACKETS AND BOOTS, GRABBED CARDS AND BACK-PACKS AND... WE WERE ROLLING... MUST HAVE BEEN ABOUT 9.30. A LIFT, RIGHT TO THE MARKET! In the market, I had a list but the flour and sugar... that was weight to be considered. So, I DID GET CHICKEN, BEEF, FLOUR, SUGAR, BUTTER, ICE CREAM, GRATED CHEESE!!! EVERYTHING PACKED IN ONE BACK-PACK AND ONTO THE ROAD. A STOP AT FAM.DOLL. 2 PACKS OF SMOKES AND... STROLLIN'. JUST AS I GOT TO “ADK AUTO”, (0,5mi as I calc'ed earlier this morning), A CAR STOPS. *** MARGARET *** !!! ANOTHER LIFT... HOME! *** AND A BEAUTIFUL TALK WITH HER ABOUT Ms. DIVA! APPARENTLY, EVEN MARGARET HAS FELT HER WRATH! SHE TELLS THAT JESS TOO, CUT THE THREAD WITH THE OLD WOMAN. SO I'M *** NOT *** ALONE AND ON THE LIST!!! WOW! SO MARGARET SAYS: “If you need a ride into town, let somebody know. Tell Crystal or who-ever's in the post office!” *** THIS IS TOO INCREDIBLE TO BE DESCRIBED!!! LIFE IS SO DIFFERENT HERE. IT TRULY IS... NO MATTER WHAT COMES ALONG TO KICK ME IN THE HEAD... SOMETHING 100-TIMES DELIGHTFUL HAPPENS. *** WOW! DO I EVER NEED TO RE-VAMP MY BEING! STOP THE CRAP. MOTHER HAD ABOUT 10 GREAT YEARS WITH AL... *** MAYBE THIS IS MY “END OF LIFE” GIFT! I JUST REALLY NEED TO GIVE IT THE OPPORTUNITY, THE CHANCE. Oh, and Margaret says that the stories of the horrors who've lived in this place aren't “all” factual. There was a “brief” time where there was shit living here. But not for long. And the worst of them lived here BEFORE Ms. Diva arrived so she, Margaret, can't understand where the complaints are founded. Live... Listen... Learn.
SO... 11.06, Crystal's just left. There's chicken and beef to be put up. And I'm still in SHOCK! - 12.10 BEEF UP. CHICKEN UP. DISHES CLEANED. EVEN THE COFFEE PRESS! AND THE SUN IS POURING IN THROUGH THE WINDOWS. THE FURNACE HASN'T BEEN UP FROM SINCE I WALKED IN. RADIO ON “NRJ PARIS”. WHAT A FUCKING MORNING! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS! And I rang, left a message for Dear Dingle Daisy Dot. And now? Just moving along... moving along. - 22.52 Well? Meal was 2 pieces of chicken with great left-over rice and a touch of ice cream. (I'm still hungry, contemplating hitting the second loaf of bread before bed.) - Accomplishments today? None. Don't care either. - Right now, thermostat is set at 68F and it's gone awfully cold out there. We had a bit of snow earlier. In 15 minutes, the ground was covered, the plough came through... moments later, all stopped and the temperature plummeted. So it's cold tonight and I'm leaving the thermostat where it is. - Thankful I don't have to shower. - Tomorrow? That's later. Right now, I'm a bit weary. - Quiet next door, though at about 21.00 or so, somebody was out back clearing Ms. Diva's back walk, banging on the porch! Honestly! Oh well... I don't care any longer... thanks to today's chat with Margaret. - Chatted too, briefly, with Donna, at about 19.45 or so. Didn't say much... She asked if I'd heard from Dorothy in the past couple of days. Was relieved when I said I got a message from her yesterday. Hmmm... - And that's that for this. - I'll have to make up for my “nothing” of today... if I wake tomorrow... when I damned-well want to, at this point. Nothing to do but make cookies, crochet, WORK ON THE NEW PAGES/FORMAT TO THIS JOURNAL. - But for now... this day is DONE!

Thu.12.Dec: 8.03 Lavage is in the basin, soaking. Coffee's in the press, steeping. The furnace just went off (thankfully). Smoke on the porch, in the crispness that is this snow-less morn after last night's squall. (You'd never know it happened at all.) I swept the “ramp” in front of the PO. (Nobody will ever know.) I got out of bed at 7.39. And yes, I'm dressed. The date: 12.12. Cute, cute. December is rolling along. (Just looking forward to making it through the “holidays”.) And today, I've resolved (again), to get to “busy” and attend to those items I wish attended. Let's just see how far that gets. - Temp. of -10° with chill of -15, though it didn't feel all that terrible. -3° for today's “high”, with sun. And so, the sun is trying to bathe yon mountains, in spite of the clouds that refuse to depart. Well? Eventually there will be another attempt at strolling into town... there's about 126 on the FS and I could use some more “provisions”. (I just don't care to make the trip with-out smokes on the list, but there's no cash for those so... no particular rush.) - Anyway... on with the morning... on with the day. Eh? - 20.52 And this old house is WARM! I JUST finished baking about... 16 dozen cookies!!!Not GREAT cookies but 16 dozen... or so. I decided I wanted a few to nibble on whilst crocheting, which is what I spent the after-noon-to-evening doing after posting all the “Holiday Music” to the G's channel AND onto the site. (Truth: that took until almost 13.00 from when I woke this morning. But it's done and Theresa's seen and commented and such already! So it was time well spent, so say I.) Anyway... after “meal” of 2 horrid burgers (which I threw into the oven to bake for about 2 hours, with the left-over rice... and the rice still came out “cool” and the burgers hard and dry... I'll never do that again), I went back to the crochet and wanted to nibble. Well... I had the butter and coconut oil out... grabbed and egg, tossed the flour and sugar, backing soda and vanilla together and came up with enough dough to make... 16 dozen cookies. Not, as I say, “great” cookies, but... nibbles none-the-less. And now? The oven is still hot and the kitchen is completely “evidence-free”! Me? Had cookies? Yeah... about 6 or so and that was enough. Imagine? So, now I wonder if I'll have enough to last until Christmas! HAH! - OK. Meanwhile, it's been incredibly quiet all day. It's now quite chilled out there in the dark, but no snow and no precipitation. (I'm pondering, again... trying for town tomorrow? We shall see. One thing... I'll be needing cleaning supplies soon... Maybe Amazon... again. After all, I've sent word to Walmart, thanking them for their discourtesy... because... because of them, I've discovered Amazon! That'll show them. But now I have to find the damned sheets to finish these windows... but not right away because THIS month is “AAA” and a serpentine belt... which I'm now HOPING IS the trouble... I have to go check that out... soon.) - And indeed... another day rolls into another night and the night ends another day and... it's now 21.00 on the mark. - Dear goodness me! Tomorrow's “Friday the 13th!” Oh... LOL. - So for a bit, I've another hot water here at the ready. (I've been checking my urine today... good colour, clear, no “bits”... just checking to make sure because I've been feeling “cold” all day and the last time that happened, I ended up in the ER and now, I can't drive there so...) Will pop out for a smoke, then a bit more crochet and then... TO BED! No sense dragging this on any longer than necessary. (I will drop by the soc.med. mostly to “re-post” G's music about.) - And there we have it. - 23.36 OK. TOO TOO many cookies with soc.med. this evening. Time for one more hot water, a smoke. (I'm on the 1st of the 3 packs left... until... “Christmas”, truly, when Soc.Sec. comes... and all the stores will, no doubt, be closed.) And so, the day is DONE! And the house is warm. And that's all there is to this and that.

Fri.13.Dec: 7.42 I don't know WHY I'm up, in from smoke, coffee in the press, but still not dressed at this early hour. But I woke, at about 7.15-ish, after two dreams, feeling that I wanted to get out of bed. And so, here I am. - As for the DREAMS:
It was night. Very dark. I was driving along in a truck of some kind on my way “home”(?). There was a larger, heavy-duty, sort of “dump truck” on my right. It kept-up with my own pace. I understood it was the old man. Him being so close made me most uncomfortable as I drove along. I knew, some-how, we were heading to the same place: to the house on Hill St.There'd been a terrible storm the night before that had caused a damaging land-slide from the property up on Wood St. There was a crew working on making repairs to the house up there and to secure the earth so that no more would slide down onto the Hill St. house. - When I arrived on Wood St., there was a “crew”, working, they'd dug deeper into the ground and were pouring concrete pilings and other sorts of reinforcement work. The old man was talking with them, sort of “taking control” of the situation, as it were. I walked about, knowing that I was to participate, knowing what had to be done and yet, not knowing. It was more an “insecurity” on my part. (But that was “normal”: nothing I could do would be “acceptable”.) - I'd had to go up there for some reason; to help or find something or... it wasn't quite clear why I HAD to be there but I was terribly uncomfortable about it.- I was on bad terms with the old man so I tried to avoid any contact with him. - I knew that I needed to go down to the Hill St. house to check on conditions in the house. There, it was quite bad as a lot of soil had washed into the house from the back. I went to a front door and had to almost crawl into an entry-way that led to a stair-way leading up to a second storey in the house. There was mud all about, and quite a lot on the upper floor. But on the stair-way, I found a cash registre, from a little store that was in the house, and in the registre was cash! Quite a considerable sum. A woman whom I didn't know, appeared, coming down from the second storey. I wasn't really concerned about her, though I wondered what she was doing up-stairs, considering the hazardous conditions up there. But noticing all the cash in the drawer, I began taking it out, to “save” it and thinking that nobody would even know that it was in there. I looked up to the woman, who had stopped on the upper stairs, to watch me and because the mud, the debris and I were rather blocking her descent. “MY DEPOSIT WASN'T LOST!!!” I cried, happy to see that the money was still in the drawer. It was to cover the rent cheque for my own place, else-where. But as I pulled the money from the till, I found even MORE cash in there, cash that I knew nobody else present would have known about! “I can get the truck fixed with this!” I thought. “Fate put this here for me.” And there was quite a LOT of cash. I took it out of the drawer and began putting into my shirt pocket. I cried in delight and relief. Chances of anybody missing the registre were slim-to-none, “insurance” would cover the monetary loss. This was mine now, clear. I was choked with delight. - Snap to un-related, next dream: I was walking into a post office to get my mail and/or to apply for a PMR job there. (That was rather ambiguous in the dream, both being the purpose but neither as well.) Small office, Lake Placid, Saranac Lake, New Russia? As I was heading to the PM's desk, a young guy came in from around a corner in another room in the office, rushed, sat down at the desk. I recognised him almost immediately. It was Silas! He'd come in to apply, I believed, for the job there. I stepped back, not wanting to be seen by him because he might think I'd have a better chance of getting the job, but happy to see him, none-the-less. I'd only just been wondering where he was these days; had be stayed in VT, gone back West, moved to NY as he'd talked about? Here he was, in NY, and apparently applying for a job! I was quite happy to know that he was “local” and still, apparently, doing “well-enough” and still, it seemed, with the PO... And... I woke up.
8.02 and there we are. Sun's coming up. I'm wondering about going into town. I'm also getting tired. Oh well. - 8.40 Just put the furnace up to 68° to take a “chill” out of the house. Finished my first coffee. I'm dressed. Have watered the plants with the last of the water in the “jug”. I'll have to go get more at some time. But as “routine” as this morning is, there's something about it that's un-settling. As if there's something I must do, want to do, should do, some-where I should go. But the only 2 items that I'd like to accomplish today are to get the “'new pages”, the “new format” for this Journal on-line and to finish my scarf. The kitchen floor could use a cleaning. There's no “laundry” to be done other than the heavier sherpa (which I dread washing because I know it's going to take DAYS... if not at least a complete week to dry). The sun IS coming through and the clouds ARE blowing by (quickly too, up the Keene Valley on the other side of the mountains across the way). 2° for the forecast high, 1° fr tonight's low. Pluie verglaçante at some point later toward this evening. 4° for tomorrow's high but rain. No double-digit minuses until Wednesday night. So? So... Not that any of that makes any difference to much of anything anyway. - I want to go in search of “piney things” for bits of “decoration” and I'll need to get more water for the plants. So there are “things” to be done... I suppose we'll just have to see what does and what does not get accomplished... today. Take it from there. - 15.03 ANOTHER rather “wasted” day... and I can't say HOW I managed to get this far into it with nothing to “show” for my waking hours. Though, I did snooze from about 10-11.00, on the futon. Woke as Crystal was leaving the PO. (Checked the box... nothing... not even this week's news-paper. Hmmm...) - Anyway, the sun shone for most of the day and oly just now I'm looking out the window (as the furnace kicks for the first time since this morning, thankfully) as the snows are moving down toward the house. Well? There was the forecast of “pluie verglaçante”, so I suppose “neige” is better? - JUST sent a “text” to Dorothy asking if she'd ask the little bitch of Newburgh if I could have the photos of Oma und Opa back any time before I die. (I DID specify that I'm not “planning” on getting them but I'm just asking.) Going through the new Journal pages and working with all the photos just made me wonder. And I'm in a mind-set of late that, I don't give a shit whose “feelings” I hurt... especially not that little qunt in the Hudson Valley. So? So. - Meanwhile, I took 2 pieces of chicken out for “meal”... or “meals”... I have to be frugal for a bit. And not knowing what's on sale at the market next week... well... Tomorrow's the last day of butter, flour, sugar... so... - OK. Furnace is back off... and I need to get to the codings! - 18.00 And... another meal done. Dishes, of course, as well. And there's a breeze blowing out-side over the wet, but not frozen road. And me? I'm heading back to the futon... to work on... MIMOU PHOTOS! And there, until it's time to put the lights out on yet, another day. - 19.33 Peeeeeee th iah;afhkarfwesfaafasrfazsdfdawesaweszaweesawesaweszawesdweaesweaesawesawe ekey is sticking! NOOOOO! Just had to take the Hoover to the lap-top. The “E” key was sticking! I can't have any key sticking and not working at this point in my life. But... looks like I'll be looking into getting a new lap-top... AGAIN! Comes as no shock. - 20.57 Well... the “MIMOU” photo page is complete. Photos noted and orientated and all. There's a page of “me” and a page of “he”. The “family/relatives” will be next because that's a large one. Then on to Hallie, 5225 Little Ones... there are a LOT of photos to be sorted through but... February's coming... and let's face it, I'm not about to take to the roads any time too soon, with the truck as it is. - But going through those photos of Mimou have taken quite a bit out of me. It's painful... again. It's always been painful... but only where the Little Ones are concerned. I miss Mimou AND Hallie. But the truth of the matter is: seeing them again would be EXTREMELY HELLISH... for me, to be certain, but then, when I left... they wouldn't know why. Best to leave “life” as it is... even in “best circumstances”, I wouldn't be running over there frequently. But I WOULD like to know how the Little Ones are being treated... I don't trust that old hag. I probably might should, but I don't. She's “Vermont”, and NOTHING about that hole is to be trusted. SHIT! If I could manage, I'd get the truck together and go get Mimou. But then again, at this point in time... what's to say he'd want to be with me again anyway? Again... best to leave “Life” as it is: a fuck! - OK. The Hoovering of the key-board must have done a bit OK. The “e” is working again. Whew! - Me? I'm about ready to wrap this all up and try for bed. I'm “weary” but not really “tired”, but I don't really want to “do” much of anything more at the moment. Perhaps a bit of some “Brit-show” and more crochet. 3 more complete sections of single and double rows are needed for absolute minimum length. That could be done rather quickly. And then? Off to the ROADS! (Right.) - The fucking furnace is running again! I turned it down to about 65F! (And the “F” is for “Fuck!”) There's that “cold mass” moving about in the place again. Not a “breeze” nor a “draft”... just a “mass” that passes. I guess when it gets to the thermostat... VAROOM! comes the furnace. Shit! - Thought earlier: There's no sound coming from Ms. Diva's unless some-body's in the house with her. I wonder: is she bed-bound these days? That chat with Margaret put my soul at ease though. I shouldn't doubt Ms. Diva's over there expecting to be “served and serviced”, and when alone, just wallowing. Oh... I think of “my time” and hope to have the stamina and dignity to simply sit quietly, if need be... and just “go”. - Oh well... That said/jotted... a bit of a smoke and some time-filling. Tomorrow (today) is Shabbat... there'll be no “working” and certainly no travelling into town! (It's supposed to be about 4-5° and... of course... rain... but that's what they said the last time... and there was no rain. Let's see how THIS time round works out.)

Sat.14.Dec: 0.59 Caught up in the soc.med., hitting the Minds. And now, with the comfiness of the house tonight (this morning) and NO FURNACE... let's see what kind (if any) “sleep” we get for the next few hours. No dead-lines... just another day ahead. I'm not “exhausted” but... grateful the lap-top held out. Off we go! - 8.51 now, but I was up shortly before 8.00 and by 8.03 I had coffee in the press, got dressed, went out to the porch for smoke... during which, Mr. Alvin came toddling over and pfutzed about in the “Post Office” shed (or, that's what I've come to know it as). I didn't bother to “hide”. I'm WAY beyond all that these days. Considering: what they claim to have had in residence here, in this little shack, and the smoke from wood-stoves hanging in the air. - At 8.21, I went out to take a photo of the electric metre only to learn, as I went to submit the “reading”, NYSEG had done the reading on the 12th! OK. The GRAND news is that the electric usage DROPPED, considerably, now that I'm no longer heating with the oven. It's still rather “high”, probably because of the radiators (which I'm not going to disconnect), but down by more than half. Relief there! - A quick check of this morning's météo: 7° going up to 8° but... rain, rain, rain all through the day until later tonight when ... snow, snow, snow. Oh well. No trapsing into town today. (Not that I was planning on it anyway.) - And I got a “quick calendar” drawn for January, in the event I don't manage to get a regular one for next year. I have to wonder about this: blocking “time” off in little squares. We, people, humans, monitor the passing of time in seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years... “Time”... something we have NO control over but MUST monitor. Ultimately, it always ends the very same way... for every-thing in Creation: dead... dead, dead and gone. And when it's done, the existence of any-thing becomes irrelevant. There IS truth to the philosophy: Enjoy, to the greatest of your ability, what-ever you have at the moment because... sooner or later, none... NONE of ANY of this will be of any consequence. - Nice way to commence a day. Eh? - Any-way... it's grey out there, mists hanging about the hamlet. Just waiting for the bang-bang, kalump-kalump, mumble-mumble, mutter-mutter, hahahahah and all the general BS of the PO which should have been open at 8.30 but... never mind all that. It's just more “time”. - A little disturbing is the bit of a DREAM I woke out of this morning: something to do with hatchling birds. I'd had some sort of responsibility for the eggs and such, but had been neglectful of them. So I hurried to get to them, having to assist the hatching by moving the eggs about. Some were like stone, or oyster shells of a sort. When the birds did manage to hatch, they were almost full-grown, looking weak, pale, and struggled, almost as if to take breath! It was heart-wrenching to see! And I knew that most of them wouldn't make it. I felt HORRIBLE! Responsible for their suffering in those “shells” as they “matured”, unable to breathe. Thankfully, the dream lasted only mere moments before I woke out of it. But it's a haunting sort of notion to have in the mind. I've no idea what could have brought it about, especially after the previous dream of finding money to pay-off expenses (which hasn't happened). - And there, here we have a “new” day. There are Journal pages to code, photo pages to adjust, this lap-top Journal has to be posted (being 16 “pages” already. I don't really “want” to do any-thing... but I don't want to do “nothing” with this day either. There's also the scarf. As I think in the morning: It's not as if there's nothing to “do” with this day... it's a matter of just DOING ANY of it. - We roll along... just roll along until we see how it all, ultimately, closes... as the sun disappears and another night rolls in. - 14.54 Well? Accomplishments? Family photos page in order. All Journals up-to-date... Other-wise? BS! And, I don't suppose I should care. One thing, on item: tonight's meal. Cream of mushroom soup and rice. Yep, that's about all of it. Cookies after. But that's that. But right now, a bit of bread and butter, perhaps a tea. - Oh... cleaned the kettle. There was a touch of “minerals” on the heating coil... took a mere 2 hours and GONE! UN-like VT... where it took almost 24 hours to clean. - So, that all recorded... -

Sun.15.Dec: 1.25 FINALLY FINISHED THE SCARF AND THE HEAD-BAND TO COVER MY EARS!!! Managed to finish both by just past mid-night. There's just a tad bit of yarn left too. But it's DONE! To think, I bought that yard to make 2 scarves... “work scarves”... one for Madame and one for me. That was LAST YEAR already... for round this time... “gift”. Well? It's gone to better use since I'll be needing the items for the walks into town now. - Speaking of “now”, the night's gone so silent, save the sound of wind on the mountains and the “roaring” of “Roaring Brook” in the distance. The rains have stopped and it's reading 40F on the thermometer on the porch. We didn't get the snow. I'm not complaining. - Earlier, I was out for a smoke and Meghan came by. Didn't stop walking but chatted as she rounded the corner... about the weather. It's been so quiet next door. I wonder if Ms. Diva's even there. But, no matter. I take it I'm not to be in “her” house so... let the hamlet take care of her and hers. Hopefully no harm comes to Little Girl. - Oddly, when I'd done with the scarf and band, I sent a photo to Dorothy. SHE REPLIED! She was still up. Still has a terrible head-ache. (And she'll be going to Donna's on the 12 January... I thought it was today. Good thing for her it's not today.) - And I've had more hot water, some cookies, and am just about ready to call this all quits. Thankfully, no PO hours tomorrow. And nothing on the “agenda” other than working on more “Photo” pages. “Crochet” is done... for now, for the season, for the holiday. And I'm glad I got all the previous journalling on-line. - Anyway, a nice evening with CKOI... on the phone. It would be nice to have a regular speaker system and a way to tie it into the internet for good radio. But, all things in time. Besides, I don't need all too much stuff. Somebody'll have to dispose of it one of these days anyway. - But for now, I'm going to skim through some soc.med. and get to bed. MY WORK IS DONE! - 2.12 OK. DONE! Lights out! - 9.16 And welcome back, for another round of “Life in New Russia”. I managed to stay in bed this morning, until 8.50! Now, the coffee's in the press, and I'm in from a half-smoke in the rather surprisingly warm, 3° (going to 0° during the day), watching the snows on the mountains and the bits flurrying out-side the door. And on today's agenda? Well... the Journal pages. Crochet is done for a while. - I'm of the belief that the only two in the house these days are me and Little Girl. The only times that anybody comes by to Ms. Diva's is on the “routine” to make sure she's OK, as this morning, as I was making coffee, when Mr. Alvin came over, spent all of maybe 5 minutes and departed. Surely, if Ms. Diva were there, it would be a bit longer. Oh well. Honestly? I see this as being similar to NYC: None of my business. It's not as if I want to throw parties, crank up the music and dance nekkid about the place or anything of the sort. There's nothing that I'd be sawing or such. Not at the moment. So I'm not “confined” to or by anything. So life rolls on the way it does. - So for now, it's just doing what I do and what-ever will be... will be. - I DO HAVE to check the truck though... at some point. HOPEFULLY the situation is nothing but that belt. If I had the money for the belt, had the belt, had the ambition and nerve, I'd have a truck right now. (There's only 16 days of it being “legally” on a road. Though, with the news of “illegals” getting driver's license now, in this hole, I shouldn't worry so much about all the rest. And, I probably won't.) - Enough of this. Time to test the coffee and get on with the day. - 16.16 Well? Another day has pretty much passed, with relatively nothing to show for it. I napped for about 30 minutes. And I moved the terracotta heater to the living-room which means the chanukiah is back on the “book-shelves”. BUT... THURSDAY is threatening to be BITTER and the radiator can't be put into the bed-room because of that fucking circuit breaker. 10 seconds of a trial and “click”... all lights were off in that room. So? So... we shall see how this all rolls out. - Meanwhiile... Ms. Diva is ASSUREDLY NOT IN THE BUILDING! I've been hearing “slamming” in the HORRIFIC WINDS this evening and stepped out to check the back porches. Her kitchen windows are “framed and plastic-covered”, the insulation I saw some-body working with a few days ago is in the Eastern-most kitchen window. The place is dark. THE POOR CAT! I wouldn't doubt they've just put the heat down to the “55F” I heard about not too long ago and that poor cat is just barely above freezing! WHAT A BUNCH OF FUCKING SELF-CENTRED SHITS they are! HEY! I OFFERED MY ASSISTANCE! THEY'RE SO SELFISH, SELF-SERVING THAT THEY REFUSE TO ACCEPT MY HELP. I even made it known that I would take the little one in. Ah... as has been proven over my life-time: MY “moment” will come and they'll be “un-vieled” for the shit-bags that they are. I mean... they can't even say that she's not in there? WOW! So much for the “Good Folks of New Russia”. - In other news, I got to check the truck. It appears “OK”. AND I checked the propane. We're at 65 per-cent capacity. Seems I use 1 per-cent per day... though I seriously don't know HOW! (Next check: oil... but not tonight. Today's bull-shit is enough for now.) - And so, time to put a “meal” together. Tonight... fried rice with eggs. There's chicken and beef in the freezer but I'm holding onto that for as long as possible. If I get out of here tomorrow (forecast of -3° and sunny), I'll pick-up more meat and the “sale” butter, and perhaps, ice cream and pasta and... what-ever I can manage. We shall see how it all rolls out. For tonight? All is... - The furnace just kicked-up. Set at 64F. It's not “cold” out there, but the WIND is whipping about, primarily from the North, and there are bits of “snows” blowing about. Ah... “the winds of change”. The last few days of “warm” are moving away... the North winds are bringing in the “Winter”. But at the rate days pass, so fucking quickly, so too shall this pass. (Though, we DO have until April to be concerned with... another 4 months. Still, I've been here from since July and these 5 months have snapped by. And who's to say if I'll manage to continue breathing through the coming 4-5 months? No guarantees.) - Time to get to “meal”. Guttfeld is (hopefully) on at 17.00. - 18.55 an it feels like 23.55! AND THE WIND OUT THERE, AGAIN, TONIGHT, IS HORRENDOUS!!! IT'S LITERALLY SHAKING THE FRONT WINDOWS! BLASTS STRIKING AGAINST THE FRONT OF THE HOUSE! AMAZING! HOPEFULLY THIS OLD HOUSE WILL HOLD ITS OWN AGAINST THIS ONSLOUGHT! - Meanwhile, “meal”... 2 eggs in left-over rice, was begun and finished before the Guttfeld show began and ended... even, of course, the dishes. - And tonight, a momentary ATTACK! ANXIETY! At “meal” it occurred to me: I'm in this house ALONE... just as I was in Richford. I move in, the rest move out. Then came the notion of the almost-hate from Mr. Alvin, based on some-thing I'm obviously not aware of. Something the old Diva said? Something found on-line? (I've since gone to Spkeo, Ntlyus and Mailaif , and demanded removal... let's see how that pans out.) I don't know and really shouldn't care because, well, if they're of the calibre that believes nonsense with-out the effort of investigating, then they're not the sort I want to associate with any-way. (Though odd... Meghan appears quite personable with me? I almost have to wonder.) OK. So. Here I am, tonight, in a silent house with only an old, precious little cat in the next flat, the North winds are almost bombarding the entire place, temperatures are plummeting, the truck in the back is inoperable and... WAIT!!! THERE'S OIL IN THE TANK, PROPANE IN THE OTHER TANK, THE ELECTRIC IS UP, RUNNING AND PAID IN FULL. THERE'S FOOD IN THE FRIDGE AND WAYS TO COOK IT. SMOKES IN THE CUPBOARD AND VODKA IN THE FREEZER! SERIOUSLY NOW. WHAT IN FUX NAME AM I HAVING ANXIETIES ABOUT? EVEN THE RENT'S PAID THROUGH THE MONTH OF JANUARY 2020! WELL SHITENJEEZUS! YEP... “THINKING” AGAIN! NEED TO STOP THAT!!! IMMEDIATELY! - OK, so that helped bring shit together. And now? To pass a couple of hours and head to bed. - My heart still aches for Little Girl. - 20.36 Just had a delightful chat with Meghan who confirmed that indeed, Ms. Diva is in hospital. - Meanwhile, this key-board is fucking the “e” AND the “d” keys now. A check on-line confirms it's because of “up-dates”. Microsoft fucks us again! Maybe I have to change... Apple? Linux? Something other than this shit.

Mon.16.Dec: 0.17 Well? Another day. One thing I DID manage to get to this evening: sending requests to those shit-bag “reporting” sites. MaiLaif is giving me the fore-warned shit so I'm just keeping up with it. - The wind has finally calmed. It was HORRIFIC for a while! SLAMMING into the windows, the house... everything! REALLY VICIOUS! (I'll have to check the truck in the morning.) So, for now... I'm heading to the bed-room. I've had the furnace up to 69F this evening so there shouldn't be too much of a chill in there. Not that it matters. - Anyway... one last smoke and I'm out... Later? We'll see if I can make it into town. (I don't know where I'll get money for smokes though. There's a tenner some-where round here, and change in the kitchen... one pack... let's see how it all works out.) - 9.11 (imagine that) And the “e” key is sticking this morning, so too, the “c'. Seems every key on the left side of the board is going out. Such a charming way to commence a day... Fuck-ups. - And so, coffee is to the last cup, smokes have been done, the PO is still empty, the furnace is set at 62F and has run twice since I woke at about 8.50-something. It's not all “that” cold out there, in the sun-shine and clear skies. And (now the “d' key sticks! But it appears that it's only if I rest my hands on the lap-top. There's something under the cover? How marvellous! FUCCK!) thoughts of a toddle into town float round the mind and bash the skull. All is to be seen as the day progresses. - There was a “dream snippet” at some point during the night/morning: I was driving about, for some reason, and suddenly realised that the battery in the truck wasn't charging and that, at any moment, the whole thing would just die and I'd be stranded. I seem to recall that I was in Lewis at the time. It was an extremely brief snippet... well, the bit that I recall. Yes, it's all deeply embedded in the mind... this trouble with the truck. - And so, another day commences and there are photo pages to complete... especially before this bit of “Costco” nonsense shits the sheets. So? So... “Onward Buttercup! There's fuckery to spread!” - 14.04 Checked the serpentine belt: Looks almost brand new! So THAT'S NOT the issue. (Something MUCH more involved and expensive, I'm sure.) The truck will NOT turn over. But that might just be a dead battery because of running it AND the damned bitter cold. OK... ALSO... checked the oil. Just above HALF TANKED! That's a bit of OK. BUT, this morning, I moved the living-room radiator over by the thermostat. It's still running, no circuits tripped. THAT should save a bit on the oil. (The electric bill came today. DOWN from November's almost 300$ to only 97 and change. Whew!) And I have some white pine (from felled branches in the back yard) and some hemlock cones (gathered along the 9 going to the river). Decorations. There's a SHIT-LOAD of white pine along the “Old 9”! I could do SO much with that (if I had the wire). Oh well. But there we have it. Checks done. Now? Looks like NO TRUCK UNTIL... Probably April at this point. AAA service will be re-started next month. TOWING to Richie's. BUT... I NEED THE MONEY TO PAY THE REPAIRS AND THAT'S GOING TO BE THE ISSUE NOW. Well? I'm not the only, not the first and certainly not the last to have this shit. - So tomorrow... a slow stroll into town. It's just too late now to start, though the sun is shining and it's not all that cold out. Oh well... Fucked again. - Time for a snooze. - 20.14 “Meal”: cream of mushroom soup with rice and a trance of bread. Dessert: too many cookies. Now: having my hot water having washed the kitchen floor and the table cloth. - Today, I asked Dorothy if she had any idea what other item on the truck might be fucked to now cause it not to start. Her reply “Check the battery”. Delightful! Yes? How? That would mean taking it out of the truck, walking it in to town then walking it back. Oh well... I was looking at “chargers” anyway. As I told her: nothing can be done until end of this, beginning of next month anyway so... here I sit. And the garbage needs to be taken to the dump now. And I keep telling me, my little “depression” is because ALL SHIT HITS on the holidays anyway. But as all of life... this too, shall pass. - But the kitchen and loo floors are clean. Tomorrow I'll Hoover... or I might before bed. But before bed tonight... SHOWER! Because tomorrow, I DO believe I'll be heading into town for grocery... just one, maybe two, but certainly not “all”. Hey! At least I know the rent will be coming next Wednesday, there are cheques to send instead of depending on the PO (which opened at 10.30 and closed, promptly at 11.00 today. - Today's post brought a notice from FedLoan showing me the 13k owed for “interest” alone and to inform that interest will continue to accrue. The status is “Forbearance”. Hmmmm.... I wonder how this is fucking my once-good-again credit. (I'm thinking, most seriously, of going to the credit union to ask about a loan to repair the truck. HAH! I'm such an idiot.) And the electric bill which dropped TREMENDOUSLY since November's incredible SPIKE. - Meanwhile, the furnace was up to about 68F for a bit. It's back to 62F for the while. I'll crank it for the shower and then bring it back down after. - Other-wise? The fact that the truck won't even start is bringing me a bit down. - Oh... I DID add a sprig of white pine and a hemlock cone each to the “flakes” in the windows. Cute. That's all I'll say about it. Now I have a bunch of white pine in the back room and I don't know what to do with it. If I had a red ribbon or something of the sort... but I can't put it on the front door so... I've NO idea what to do with it... save, put it in the back yard, from whence it came. - OK. So much for all of this shit. I'll be in the shower in due course. Hopefully the table cloth will be dry enough to toss on the rack in the kitchen with-out flooding the place (though I doubt it). - 20.30 Imagine THIS:
I had just opened my e-mails and seen a “reply” from “Mylife”. Expecting yet another patronising form-letter, I composed a notification of notice sent to the AG. Ready to cut-and-paste and send, I opened the e-mail to find the following:

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Sincerely,
Leo F.

WELL! I have something to look for now... to make sure that shit's gone! “Criminal records” and the such sort... and from 3150 Rochambeau... AFTER I'D MOVED AWAY! OK. So, I suppose this is rather a “saving point” of the day? Let's see what's to follow. - 23.55 AND I AM SHOWERED! SCRUBBED! SUPER HOT SHOWER TONIGHT! CLEAN! And last hot water of the day has just clicked on the boil! I DID IT! BEFORE MID-NIGHT! And I'm sitting on the futon, typing this with-out glasses. No, I can't really say that I can see much of anything, but the glasses are in the bed-room and I HAD to get to this before mid-night! I'm rather proud of me for this accomplishment. - I'd put the radiator in the bed-room a while ago because it was so chilly in there, and with it plugged in on that adjoining wall, I just rolled it in. Is it making any difference? Well, it's up to 20° in there now... up from 19. So no, no really worth much of anything much. The good news is that the thermostat for the house is set at 62F and the furnace isn't running. (I'd had it up to 70F for a while but... I'm NOT going to keep the oil burning!) - And so, soc.med. for Minds is run. 'Jude” is back up and running and Theresa has already commented. (Am I being “stalked”? If I were Ms. Diva, I'd say “YES!” but I'm not that and so, no.) - Was thinking of trying a stroll into town on Tuesday. Not so sure right now. Can't get smokes (and have already “cleaned” the butts into the re-smoke). I don't really NEED food right away. I'm holding-out (oops... the furnace just kicked...) on the ice cream for next Wednesday night's dessert. But it would be nice to have more on hand. And I need to make more bread, so I need more eggs. These next few months are going to be quite “interesting”... food shopping. I MUST get back to where I was: able to pull 20-40 miles in a day! - The business about the truck is bothering me. Hopefully it's a matter of a dead battery for the time-being. Even that... the only place to get one is in town... at the parts store. No 60$ batteries there, I'll bet. So I'm looking at quite the “austerity”... thinking of trying to quite the smokes. Actually, that's really the only “extra” expense I have, other than the “responsibilities”. But, if it means saving something... Also thinking of putting in for that loan based on trying to start a little business (crochet, hand-mades, crafts, and the likes... “Adirondack” sort of thing). Who knows? BUT... I have to get into town for that as well so... - But for tonight, there's nothing that can be done about anything, other than have my water and try for some sleep. Tomorrow will attend to itself... when it's here.

Tue.17.Dec: 0.11 Waiting for the hot water to cool enough to drink and then... to bed! - I keep thinking of how strange it is: being in this house alone. I keep thinking back to Richford when I thought of being in THAT house alone... and it happened. I'd thought of it here for a bit, but never seriously, yet, here I am. I'd almost love to have Little Girl in here. This evening, I stepped out on the back porch and looked over. That place was pitch dark! The poor little one is in there alone all the time and I'll bet that these morons just go in, plop her food in a dish, maybe rinse one or 2 of her other dishes, check her water, empty the litter box, all in silence. How horrible! Granted, I don't know how I'd keep her here, unless food was supplied. And I doubt that would happen. And then too, there's the fur. It's rather nice being here, not having fur floating across my face, being on the carpet and such. Still, I'd take her in. Precious little one that she is. I have to wonder if Ms. Diva thinks of her. (I doubt it.) - So, the night rolls on and into the day and I need to get some rest... especially now that I'm CLEAN! (One of these days, I'll have to do the linens again too... before the “new year” anyway.) - 9.36 The table cloth is back on the table, coffee's in the glass, have had a half-smoke, am dressed, got out of bed at 8.50 and don't give a shit really and there's just the slightest snow a-fallin' out there. Oh... and PO is open. I've got head-ache this morning. (No wonder “why”). And as for the rest of this day? At the rate things are going, I just might go back to bed. Though, I really can't say that because it's only the truck (at the moment) and that's a matter that I've said repeatedly: The distance between here and town is MUCH SHORTER than the distance between Richford-Sutton and/or Fuklin-St-Albans. (Bad thing though: if I need a new battery for the truck, it's going to mean carrying one.. and I'm not even sure where I'd go to get one in this place. There's “Napa”... but... cheapest is over 100$ any-way. There's the dealer-ships... and there's no telling WHAT they'll skin my carcass of. And so... - There's a bit of a fracas in progress out front. Mr. Demings and Becky in a discussion. Somebody being told, laughingly, “Just drive on.” Ah... “the mornings of New Russia”. - Time to have coffee, wait for a smoke and... for God. - 15.44 Fucking day is GONE already. AND... it was only but about a day ago, I put the kettle on for coffee and thought “Yeah, one of these days, I suppose this too, will tucking die.” WELL... I took a snooze earlier and when I woke, thought “I'm going to make a coffee... WTF?” So, water in the kettle, kettle on the ready, flip the switch and... FUCKING KETTLE DIED! COFFEE'S IN THE PRESS, A CUP AT THE READY (I didn't notice the fucking time of day... JEEZUS!) but I have to boil on the stove, in the sauce pan. So I checked to see about getting a new one? 16$ plus shipping on Mamazoon. Came to almost 26$. Yeah, I could transfer from savings to chequing, and then could put more in chequing for a pack of smokes tomorrow (when I head into town for groceries), but... FUCK... the money's GONE by then AND I won't have the fucking kettle until end of next week anyway! So, I looked into a glass percolator? Bed Bath and Beyond is cheapest. Mamazoon wanted to sign me into their “Prime” at 13$ for “quick delivery” and free shipping but I'll be damned... 13$/month? HELL NO! Not at THIS point in my life. If I find more I want to order for any reason, later, (AFTER I get the truck on the road, and THAT'S killing me, thinking that the last time I ran it, the engine got hot on a cold day and... cracked... in which case I am totally fucked royally... but I CAN'T think about that now), maybe, but HELL NNO NOT NOW! Anyway... end of the year... the truck fucks, the kettle fucks... that's 2... they say it shit comes in 3. There's something else coming. (Or maybe it's this house because the heat's been up for a while and no sooner does it get warm in here, it gets uncomfortable COLD! I can't keep the place warm at all today... and Thursday is supposed to be BITTER!) OK. So there's the day. - Now? I have 2 burgers on the counter. Not thawed, of course. But I need something to eat tonight, especially with tomorrow's planned journey. Oh, and alas. Fucked... that's my “life”. - 17.45 and... the dishes aren't only washed, but there's no evidence of the 2 burgers with some veggies that were cooked and eaten for “meal” this evening... just shortly after 17.00. It's a delightful depression. ALL done, in under 45 minutes. Fuck. Oh well. But I give thanks for the food that I have to eat, that I bought, put up in the freezer, cooked, on the stove, and consumed fresh, hot, properly-cooked, whilst seated, quietly at a table, in a kitchen, in a little house in an Adirondack hamlet... as the snows fall out-side the windows that are curtained and decorated for the season. THERE! My thanks. Documented. - 24.11 I DON'T FUCKING KNOW HOW IT GOT TO BE AFTER FUCKING MID-NIGHT!!! I WAS READY TO GET INTO BED ABOUT 2 HOURS A-FUCK-GO! BUT... any-way... fucking soc.med. - Meanwhile... I'm prepped for tomorrow's trip into town... TWO back-packs, cash on the TiCard for 2 packs of smokes plus cash for a 3rd to take me to New Year's eve (which is when I'll have to go back to town... fuck... but only for smokes this time so no “burdens” on the way back... IF I get ALL that I want to get tomorrow). *** AND... I'm in fucking amazement! Not only did I manage to transfer money at Ti BUT I now have WORKING spread sheets on the Samsung phone! YES! It even CALCS! FUCK ME! - No tea kettle, no truck... but I can keep my accounts correct on my fucking phone! OK... - Well... time for a hot water (the one I poured earlier went fucking cold in this place) and off to bed! Tomorrow? Hopefully, the temperatures will be only -3 WITH SUN. If not? Well... not then. I've no choice in the matter because Thursday's supposed to be -12 and I don't look forward to that! (Météo claims yes... -3 with “flocons”. I can handle “flocons”... especially with ice cream... Buy One Get One!)

Wed.18.Dec: (5 MONTHS SINCE MOVE-IN/MOVE-BACK, THE RETURN TO NY AND THE FULLFILLMENT OF WHAT USED TO BE A “REVERIE”: RETIREMENT TO A LITTLE PLACE IN THE ADIRONDACKS! *** AND THE FIRST FULL ROUND-TRIP ON FOOT INTO TOWN, GROCERY SHOPPING!) 1.42 I managed to change the mailing address for the truck insurance to here so I hope I can get the cards delivered (as they promise... 5-7 biz days). And that pretty much covers it. Now? I'm about to regret being up this late... but I'm off to bed... hopefully to sleep... NO TOOTH-ACHES tonight (had one last night... damnit!) - 9.51! JUST out of bed, dressed, coffee in the press, in from a smoke in the “flocons” and the sun is trying to break through here and there. A “delightful” sort of morn, indeed. AND I DIDN'T GET TO SLEEP UNTIL ABOUT 3.00! NO MORE COFFEE AFTER DINNER! NO MATTER WHAT! I woke at about 7.00, realised it was only 4 hours and that I needed more sleep, rolled over, back to sleep until 8.00 and thought: No rush. And back to sleep until... only moments ago. Woke to see Mr. Demings, Becky and Crystal at the PO. So? So. I got the sleep I needed, I'll suppose. What's amazing me is that the furnace is set to 62F and I'm sitting here quite WARM. Now, to see if I can't get some sort of “recommendations” on how to keep my socks from making blisters on my feet, wait for the post to be sorted and cased and then... ON THE ROAD! And today, music and taking my time! Sun “couche” is at 16.15 so... we shall see how this all works out. (I'm not planning on any “lifts” in either direction today. But perhaps “walkin' in a Winter wonder-land” will be “fun”. Yeah? What-ever. - 16.59 WHAT A FUCKING WIND-STORM! BEST DECISION I'VE MADE IN A WHILE: I MADE IT INTO TOWN, GOT 3 SMOKES, BEEF, CHICKEN, TWO ICE CREAMS, HAS BROWNS (latkes), BUTTER, A DOZEN EGGS, SMALL BAG OF RICE... LEFT HERE JUST AFTER NOON... WALKED BACK IN AT 15.35!!! WITH A STOP AT THE LOBDELL RD.. FOR ABOUT 5 MINUTES!!! AND NOW I HAVE “MILEAGE MARKS: THE CEMETTERY IS A MILE, THE LOBDELL ROAD IS 2 MILES, THE LAST RED HOUSE ON THE LEFT (GOING INTO TOWN) IS 3 MILES. AND TO BE HONEST, THEY DID SEEM TO GO BY RATHER QUICKLY. WELL, CONSIDERING THE WALK TO, THE WALK FROM, A STOP FOR SMOKES AND A “NOT PRESSED” SHOPPING... JUST UNDER 3,5 HOURS!!! SURE AS SHIT BEATS THE 6 HOURS RICHFORD-SUTTON ROUND-TRIP. NOT TO MENTION THE 8 HOURS FROM FUKLIN TO ST-ALBANS AND BACK. AND THEN THERE WAS... I'D NO SOONER PASSED RICHIE'S (JUST UNDER A MILE FROM HOME) AND THE SKY WENT SO DARK! FOR A MOMENT, I THOUGHT “4:15 ALREADY? SUN-DOWN? WELL, THAT TOOK QUITE A WHILE, BUT I REALLY WASN'T RUSHING ANY-WAY....” AND THEN IT HIT!!! *** SNOW SQUALL! IT CAME DOWN SO HEAVILY THAT I COULDN'T SEE SO MUCH AS A QUARTER MILE ALONG! COULDN'T FIGURE MY DISTANCE FROM HOME. IT JUST FELL!!! SILENTLY!!! BEAUTIFULLY! JUST AMAZINGGLY BEAUTIFUL! THERE I WAS, WALKING ALONG THE ROAD, IN A SQUALL, IN THE ADIRONDACKS!!! WHAT A FUCKNIG DREAM-TURNED-REALITY! BY THE TIME I REACHED THE TOP OF THE LAST HILL, THE “'ENTRY” INTO NEW RUSSIA, THE SNOW HAD STOPPED. THERE'D BEEN JUST ENOUGH TO LEND A “WINTER” LOOK TO THE ROAD AND ALL ROUND. WOW... AND THERE... JUST IN THE DISTANCE... *** HOME ***!!! TRULY “WALKIN' IN A WINTER WONDER-LAND”!!! AND NOW? CHICKEN IN THE OVEN ALMOST DONE, RICE COOKED AND IN THE OVEN WITH THE CHICKEN, GROCERIES PUT UP, IN TO FREEZER AND SUCH, DISHES WASHED... AND WHAT A FUCKING WIND-STORM IS HOWLING OUT THERE! - TIME FOR MEAL! - 21.19 Just off the phone with Donna... more “history”, more “secrets”, more laughs. It's astonishing, really, how much alike we are in so many ways. Even she comments on it. I just really needed to talk with some-body this evening. Mostly because I'm still in shock over having MADE THE COMPLETE TRIP TO AND FROM TOWN TODAY! - While we chatted, the wind stopped, but the temperature continues to plummet. I checked the °F (to tell Donna about it when she said they were going down to the low 30s tonight.. something I still can't quite believe for “The South”)... tonight's “chill”... in FAHRENHEIT... MINUS 22! THANKFULLY, that's the “chill”. Still... there goes some serious oil tonight. Even if the thermostat was to be set at “55°” the furnace is going to have to kick to keep THAT kind of cold out of here. But I cranked it to 70F for a bit, to take the “chill” out of this place for when I get into a rather much-needed shower before bed. - Meanwhile... the BEST thing I did for me was, before touching any-thing, immediately after getting jacket and boots off... I took 2 naproxen... with the left-over morning's coffee. My feet are a bit “burny”. Blisters must have “started” (thankfully, they didn't quite “develop”). But I put on the old black, flat slippers after taking the naproxen so... I'm a bit “stiff in the lower back” now, but NOTHING like I was that last stroll! Then? Got to prepping the chicken, reserving 2 pieces for “meal” tonight, with the little bit of rice that was left in the little bag from last shopping. (There's still 2 jars of that rice and another of brown rice... plus today's purchase.) Then preppinig the burger, which was MUCH more than I usually get, and I can tell because the 6 burgers are quite a bit larger. Chicken and beef into the freezer (with 3 containers of ice cream and a few pounds of butter), and got to the cooking for “meal”. As THAT rolled, I was at table at 17.00, food came out of the oven at 17.20 and... pathetically, by 17.47, not only was food consumed, but dishes were DONE! And tonight... dessert... “pumpkin pie ice cream”! DELICIOUS! (I was a touch hungry en route back to the house from town... the snow distracted me from that though, but I was hungry.) Replaced those burned calories, indeed. - And so, now, 21.42, CKOI playing (on the phone), 6 tea-lights in the “terracotta heater”, thermostat at 64F and Meghan's just left next door. (I can't dwell on the horror that that place must be for that poor cat! I CAN'T dwell on it. My soul can't take the torture. These fucking people. They KNOW I'd gladly take the little one in. But that fucking Diva-bitch must have forbidden them to let me into that house. Fucking selfish, self-serving qunt! Typical... “Vermont”.) - Time to wind-down a touch, get ready for shower and then to bed. There's peppermint tea in the house tonight. That should be nice, comforting and good for “the system” before bed. Hopefully not another “mid-night” night... but, I shouldn't doubt it will be. Oh well. There's NOTHING on tomorrow's agenda except a touch of lavage. And if it's actually as cold as it threatened... I SURE as HELL don't want to be out there. (I need to get to the river for plant water but... soon-enough, to be sure.) - 24.36 OUT OF THE SHOWER AT LAST! IN MY “NEW HAMPSHIRE JAMMIES” AND MY WALMARDE BOOT-SLIPPERS WITH THE “IN-DOOR” SHERPA ON. SO TOASTY! Mean-while, out “there”, I'm just in from a half-smoke in the wind... not THE wind, but a wind, coming from, of course, the North, and a “crispness” to the night air. - One glass of peppermint tea, another episode of “Allo Allo” and BED! (When I told Donna that I was up until 3 last night she said “Welcome to being old. I get about 3 hours of sleep every night.” “Old” has ... well.. maybe it is. I don't know. I seem to have nothing to do until night. Oh well. And the furnace is set at 66F and keeps running! 62 for the night, to be sure. But it's going to run anyway... if it gets as cold as threatened. I don't dare think what it would be like with-out the radiators!

Thu.19.Dec: 1.34 and off to bed at last! With hope of SLEEP! - 9.26 Yes, I woke at 7.00. No, I did not get out of the bed! And, chances are quite good that I wouldn't have gotten out of the bend when I did, at about 8.57, had it not been for the fact that, at 7.00, I had to pee and then again, when I finally did get up. Mean-while, 2 basins have lavage on the soak, coffee in the press, in from a smoke in the -16° sun-soaked mountain morn, the PO is just opening. My feet? A bit on the “we're here” side. Not painful but certainly reminding me of yesterday's travel. But the rest of me is quite OK. The terracotta heater is cranking. The thermostat set at 66F. And another morning breaks, another morning commences. And... along we go. - 10.55 No post. Lavage hanging. The day is “done”. So much I'd like to do, none of which I want to get into. (I wish I had a “work-desk” and chair in the sunny “blue room”. But the desk and no chair... What's the use?) Any-hoo... the day is rolling along and will, in short order, be gone. Meal time will roll in and out. And... that's that. Another day. But, at least, it's not dreary. The sky is clear, the sun is brilliant and... Who the fuck cares, really? - 18.02... “Meal”, 2 burgers, 2 “hash brown” patties and ice cream after... began shortly after 17.00 and by 17.27... DONE! So it was off to the dishes... Done! And the day is... DONE! - BUT... oddly? The “fleur de lis” charcoal from Richford is up on the wall in the blue room, as is the sketch of “Batter Kessler” beach. Yes, they're out of boxes and on the walls. I put the garbage into the bin out back and brought in the concrete slabs and put the extra board in the blue room, onto the little “shelf” that was already there. Ah... then... moved along to... using the empty cups from used tea-lights, and the left-over “ribbon” of painted packing paper, made little “ornaments”, AND... FOUND RED TINSEL (in the box where the terracotta heater had been packed) and SO... the bundle of white pine is now hanging out-side. “Festive”. (Fuck.) I still can't believe finding that tinsel. MORE? More! MORE! In that box from the heater... TWO packages of Idea TEA-LITES! 200 MORE TEA-LITES! And here I was planning on ordering 200 more come “pay day”! So, I suppose it was a “pretty good” day! Even though, it went by quickly... again. - Mean-while, Mrs. Alvin/Vivian was over at Ms. Diva's for a while today, and with her, some broad. I've NO idea what the hell they were doing in that place and there's a bit of me that thinks that either Ms. Diva has died or is dying. But, I can't be bothered, nor concerned at this juncture. I'm just waiting for some sort of “comment” to be made about me not even bothering to go and visit the old thing. Ah... she accuses me of perversions and I should “visit”? Not to mention, in the event of a funeral or memorial service... surely, my non-participation will be commented upon. Care? Nope. - A brief text message from Ms. Dorothy. Something about having “made it to the other side and only a little head-ache remains”. Spiffy. Cut communications. Make NO references to my messages sent to her. Tonight it's ME who's in no mood. - The furnace has been set at some-where around 66F all day and has run several times. Bothersome, indeed. - No post today but a nice chat with Becky about what I do and don't “celebrate” as for the holidays. It was a nice chat. But then again, all chats with Becky have, actually, been nice. (And she asked “How much is a new serpentine belt?” I told her the belt's fine but the battery's dead, the belt probably slipped and I left it at that. - So now... I DO believe I'll be taking a nap! There are “things” I'd like to do but just don't seem to have the needed energy. I'm just in from a quick smoke... it's bitter out there again. But? But... indeed. - Now, if only I could get rid of the cooking stench in this house. That would be nice.

Fri.20.Dec: 0.55 At 20.00 I was ready for bed. Got involved in soc.med. and... Well... I'm going to bed... NOW! - FUCK! - 8.55 Dressed, in from smoke, coffee pressing. It's another “crisp” morning, sun-shining, blue skies and all the rest. And I can't help but think that that woman who came to visit yesterday either came to take Little Girl away or came to claim the corpse. Either way, I've a feeling the cat is no longer in the house. But if the poor thing died in there, it would come as no surprise to me. I over-heard, a while back, that they were maintaining a “55F” in that place. Cold. Dark. Alone. I shouldn't doubt the poor thing dropped dead. And it would make their “existences” all the easier. Even first thing this morning, as has been the case for some time, I thought: I offered to take care of the little one but, from the chat with Meghan, I'm of the impression that I've been “forbidden” to be in “her” house. So? AND, I offered to take the little one into my house. But that was obviously trashed by “the good folks of New Russia”. So? If the little one has perished, I hold no account for blame. It breaks my heart to think of that poor thing, alone. Then again, should I die here, it will be the same way. And for me, I don't mind. Death is death... and it comes to all. - OK. So I suppose I got enough sleep last night, having fallen asleep shortly after finishing a little “gleaning” of “Adirondack Life”. Didn't even bother with the clench-guard. Woke at 7.00 and as I pondered getting up, fell back to sleep until round-about 8.00-something. Probably wouldn't be up now, had it not been for a run to the loo. Oh well then. The day commences. - Tomorrow, along with being “sister's” 59th, (she now slips into “60s”... one left...), it will be the shortest day, longest night. From thence, the days grow longer, the nights, shorter. As I say: more day-light so we can SEE the coldness as well as feel it. And the cycle of all things runs round again. - The truck: new battery. Money for it. Money to repair. Money to change the registration, the inspection. Those days of it being “legal” for the road are running out now too. Oh well. Nothing can be done about it now. Time... that's all. And money... that's always the issue. But, no sense worrying about what can't be addressed. - Now, to “fill the day”. Let's see... - I need to make more bread, especially for Sunday night. On my right hand, that plastic that melted on the index finger, when I burned the coating off twist-ties for the window decorations, a burn that's drying out and a touch uncomfortable. On the left hand, the index finger, there's a crack behind the finger nail. That's rather “painful”. But, others have worked through worse in the history of humanity. Hey, at least the laundry is caught up to where it can be. - And the silence of this place is disturbed by the furnace, set at only 62F and will remain so. (The terracotta heater is lit.) - And another day... another day. - 10.45 Post is in. Only the paper... but Cabot butter is on sale as of Sunday... there's my “excuse” for another stroll. 4°, “ciel variable”. Good day for a stroll (and a complete one, I suspect). - And... the ponderings about Ms. Joan are settled: she's NOT coming back. Alvin and Jeff were in the PO when I arrived. Along with the usual schmooze, and a dozen, hen-fresh eggs (no excuse for not making bread now... seems Jeff's “minding” some-body's 14 chickens, who each lay an egg a day...) I asked. Alvin says she's in “some kind of 'care', not 'hospice' but...” Little Girl is still in the house, and Meghan has already offered to take her in “when she dies”, as Alvin just dropped into the chat. So! Once again, I move in, some-body leaves. And I get to wonder and ponder and yes, “worry” about WHAT comes into that place. How I SO wish I knew some-body! Or at least some-body who knows some-body. But my over-all is: I'm actually quite alone... in my little place in the Adirondacks. Well? It goes back to “be careful what you wish for”. And I offered to help Alvin with hauling fire-wood. He declined with “I enjoy it.” I offered... in the PO, in front of Jeff and Crystal so... Let the records show. Other-wise, I suppose, it's all just “a matter of time” from here on. At least my questions have been answered... I suppose. (I can't help but wonder if Alden will rent that place or leave it to decay like up-stairs or simply “divest him-self” of the property. Oh... “THINKING TOO MUCH” again.) - Meanwhile, I've set-up another little terracotta heater on the little futon table. 3 tea-lites is max capacity. But I'll give it a try and see what it does. After all, that makes 9 together in here. It won't make the place “tropical”, but it WILL contribute SOME sort of extra defence against the chill.. I suppose. (I'll order more tea-lites when I can afford.) - Time to “settle into the day”. - Oh! Nancy came into the PO this morning. Says she receives a holiday card every year from some people she knows nothing of or about. 75th Street... in... GLENDALE! Ev's neighbourhood! How “odd” it THAT? Imagine. - OK. On with this day. Let's see if I get to make bread. This evening would be best... when the sun goes down (in about 20 minutes at the rate sun-set sets in these days) and the place starts to “chill” again. We shall see. There's no excuse against it... especially now, with all the eggs in the house. - My brain just refuses to “focus” on the necessities. There's a comfort in being alone in the place... there's an un-easiness to it as well. - 16.09 Chicken in the oven, house is Hoovered, “Radio Classique Montréal” on the “radio” (playing, sadly, “Christmas” music but...) 6 lites in the large, 3 lites in the small, 2 lites for Shabbat, thermostat still set at 62F and the temp in here is about 68F and not at all uncomfortable. The sun is about to disappear. Another day behind me... in the “silence” that is New Russia. The cheque and envelope for January (2020!) rent are done. And what ELSE have I “accomplished” with this day? Fukkall. But, every little thing done is one less to deal with, as if I have SO much to deal with. Oh, and Cabot butter is on sale come Sunday! I just might... though I'll have to do it again on Tuesday (IF Soc.Sec. comes across by then). So? We shall ponder and consider. But I MUST to say: were it not for my “thinking”, all would be SO “low-stress”. (At least the furnace didn't burn today, I've used precious little hot water, and the rent is en route. Bills... practically paid... though I shouldn't say because when everything goes “good”, that's when every-thing goes “bad”.) And a thought came to mind: the truck is registered until June 2020... and insurance is paid through! Now, to figure how to get it running again. At least I can focus on that one item instead of a half dozen. Speaking of which.... I need bread and cookies. Perhaps tomorrow. For now... wait until it's time to eat (again) and then... plan for bed... again.

Sat.21.Dec: 8.51 Dressed. Smoked. Woke (for the final time) at 8.15, out of bed at 8.29 after waking at 6.00 and 7.00. Was in bed some time round 23.30-mid-night. Up once for pee and tooth-ache at about 1.45. (I eat anything, I have a tooth-ache. How lovely. It's not enough that I eat only once daily, and that I really don't taste much of anything when I do, can't chew anything properly... then I get to look forward to a tooth-ache. I just need to get at that tooth and yank it out. One of these days...) - And now? Just sitting here, waiting for the coffee to steep and honestly, it would take nothing to just lay down on the futon and go right back to sleep. - “Winter”... 23.19 tonight. I see it ends (officially) on 19 March at 23.49. “95 days”, so they say. Farmers' Almanac predicts god-awful cold (especially late January, which is what I usually expect), NOAA says warmer, wetter with burst of brutal. Me? I'm just trying to keep oil consumption down to 150$/month. We shall see. - Meanwhile, today, in spite of the “abrasion” on the right index finger (which I bashed into the light switch at 1.45 this morning), is bread day. I have the eggs on the counter, coming to “room temperature” (which isn't much different from “fridge temperature”... furnace set at 62F anyway). And tomorrow? Well... butter on sale, a need for more flour and ice cream (for Xmas/New Year)... temperatures above zero (though only slightly), a stroll into town. - Today, this morning, right now? Coffee should be ready (9.09). Let's see how we manage through that and take the rest from there. - Oh... and whilst I was in the kitchen at “meal” last evening, Ms. Dorothy sent word: she'll “call tomorrow” (today). I only JUST saw it... and I move on. - 21.05 And the “events”.... For starters, 2 loaves of bread with the equivalent of 4 eggs for the dough. Nope. The bread didn't come out the same as I used to bake. But they're done and there's bread in the house again. - Spoke with Dorothy. SHE CALLED! Then cut when her grand-son phoned her. She said that the bread could be the altitude difference. Well, yes, it certainly could be. I haven't baked since Rochambeau ave! THAT was about 18 years ago. So I'll just have to keep working on it. (Thinking of getting proper bread pans this week anyway. Might help.) - “Meal” of 3 eggs on bread and the rest of one container of ice cream (and a dip into the last one... the “holiday” container). So I'm “fine” with food. - No sooner got the meal dishes done... Cookies. Another 144. So there's cookies in the house now too. - “Busy” sort of day, I suppose. - Oh, and Mr. Alvin came by, knocked on the door. When I opened it, he handed me an envelope saying “I didn't think you were worth 55 cents...” Truth is, I was the end of his “rounds” for holiday cards. Nobody in town was worth the 55 cents. Anyway, I doubt I'll be handing-out cards. I'm not in the mood to make things for others. Probably not fair, but that's how it is. - The furnace has been on and off during the day. I'd set it at 58F for most of the day and just brought it up to 66F for “bed-time” which will be soon, I hope. - TOOTH-ACHE again tonight. Of course. I ate. There a hole in there. I might try to figure a filling, but the way it's broken, I'm not sure a filling will work. Will be trying salt water tonight in a bit... after tea. Hopefully that'll give relief. If not? Gel again. Thankfully, I'll be able to get more when I go back into town during the week. - Planning on a trip in tomorrow. Butter, flour... meat, of course. No sense making just a “jolly trip”. - And so, that covers it. The whole day. The shortest day of the year. Gee... tomorrow, the days get longer again... by about a minute, if that much. Now, to hold on until April (May? June?) - I just wish I could get rid of this tooth-ache. But if that goes away, some-thing will take it's place... no doubt.

Sun.22.Dec: 0.16 I MUST get some sleep! Though, leaving TOO early isn't any good. 10.00 or even 11.00 should be just fine and I believe I can pull that hour. But for now, I used some salt-water on the tooth-ache and it seems to have worked. That's a relief, in more ways than just the pain. I've got more salt here than I'll use in a year... so... - And now, it's gotten quite cold in this house, suddenly. So I'm going to bed! - 8.54 Up and dressed and coffee pressing and in from smoke and deciding (decided?) NOT to trek into town today. Tuesday is as good, since it's really only for butter and most of the time, unsalted is plentiful (though, there's no telling with this place). IF Soc.Sec. comes on Tuesday, it'll be a one-shot: food and smokes. And there are enough smokes to last to Thursday. I don't know that my feet could with-stand two almost-consecutive treks. So? So... - The salt water must have done a good job last night because once I put the lights out, I slept through. There was one tiny “dreamlette” at one point. I recall thinking: “I must remember this.” and going back to sleep. I don't remember what it was, of course. But... the important point is that I slept through the night. - Other than that, this and the what-ever, shaving and “tidying” is on the schedule for today. Other than that? Well, bread's made, cookies are made, tonight's meal will be “mother's chicken and rice” with veggies and such. And, perhaps, a v-ton before bed. Let's see how that all works out. It's “Chanukah”, after all. - 12.50 It would seem, we're rather “prepared” for this evening. Tea-lites in the heaters are replenished, as the sun shines, delightfully, into the house... for a while. The kitchen table is looking a bit more like a “kitchen table”. “Things” are in order. And me? Pondering a nap since the hamlet is in silence. - Some-body was at Ms. Diva's this morning. Removing things, I suspect. It really is rather depressing, to a point, knowing that I'll be solo for the duration here. And it's extremely “concerning”, wondering when the place will be advertised as “available” and to whom it will be rented. I can only hope that Alden takes example from a “quiet, clean, respectable and respectful” tenant here and holds-out for similar. I can only hope. - Theresa sent an e-mail today, worried that she might have “offended” me on social media. I took the time to reply (at length, I'm almost sorry because the reply was a bit “verbose”) to rest her assured that I'm not “offended”. (But I DO wish they'd stop putting my “author” account on my “now political” account... I'm weaning away from “Woodhauler”... though I won't let “him” die completely. That was a horrific period, but he's already got a reputation and he's really not so “affiliated”... in case of “searches for dirt”.) - Mr. and Mrs. Alvin are out together. The hamlet is with-out “Mayor”. Oh and alas. The only ones on “the main” are the folks across the way, Chris and Meghan, perhaps the “Demings” up the road but they're so far off the road that, well... so here we are, the population of “New Russia Centre”. It's really quite a strange feeling, but I don't mind at all. - And so... the day rolls and so do I until “cooking time”. And all is... Well? Well. - 22.52 AND... “Meal”... the chicken and rice came out PERFECT tonight! In fact, there's still half a breast in the fridge! Left-overs! WOOHOO! And LOTS of rice too! Meal for tomorrow night as well! AND I had “latkes”... called “hash-browns” but fried potatoes any-way. For dessert, I put some cookies in a bowl, ice cream over. A true “meal”... “holiday” and all. And NOW, I'm having that v-ton. Oddly, I haven't really been in the mood for one all evening, but I decided, after my SHOWER, from which I just emerged, with Bat Oren, I thought I should. After all... it's the first “Winter” holiday and... WHY NOT? And so I AM. - Lit the first candles on the “chanukiah” tonight as well. A delightful thought. Didn't get to see them much because of being in the kitchen, washing dishes and such. But they were lit. If I had the proper drapes on the windows (no thanks to Walmarde), I could but the candles in the window. Oh well. They're lit. I'm following “tradition”. AND I'm wearing a white kippa too. So fucking there. - Spoke with Ev this after-noon. She sounded tired. Not doing anything until the 8th day when she'll got to Beth's for dinner. Maybe that's a little something to do with her “down” tone. But we spoke for about 15-20 minutes. Rang Dorothy after, to ask about “Ambazoon Prime”. Voice-mail. No return call. Rang Donna too. Voice mail again. Left a message. And tonight, just as I wsa about to wrap this day up, the phone... DONNA! She rang back! So we chatted for about half an hour or so. That was truly wonderful. Out of all folks, I like talking with Donna. We laugh, share our “bitterness”. (Debbie pulled the same shit on her that sister pulled on me! What fucks. Honestly. But at least Donna and I can talk it out and then have a few good laughs after. - Phone call done, I headed to the shower. Shaved my neck, trimmed my beard, changed the band on the bottom teeth. (They should be solid by now... it's been YEARS that I've kept them banded but I'm afraid that if I take the thing off, they'll shift any-way and then... fall out! I just wish that broken one that keeps being painful would come out. It's loose... just not “loose enough”. Soon... I should think.) - And now? Having my “beverage” and will head to bed. Tomorrow? Nothing on the agenda. I can only hope that Soc.Sec. comes on Tuesday morning. Then, a trapse into town. Smokes and food. Other-wise... just other-wise. - Now, for beverage, soc.med. and there's the end of another day... Happy Chanukah. Indeed.

Mon.23.Dec: 1.38 And... a v-ton, light v-cran, soc.med. and now, with 0° out there and comfy in here... last smoke and to bed. Wake-up time? I don't give a shit. - 10.47 Post is in. Soc.Sec. rise to be reflected in JANUARY'S payment! That's nice. A month ahead of what I'd planned. - Oil tank checked. I HAVE used about a quarter tank from since 29 November. THIS is great news! I'm TRYING to keep it down to that. (Though I'm not expecting the same for end of January and through February.) - Woke the first time this morning at 7.00. Second time at 8.00. Third time at 9.10 (and smiled when I though: “7, 8, 9.10”). Lights went out at 2.00 this morning and I DID get right to sleep. Those 2 “beverages” probably helped quite a bit. And so, at about 9.48 I FINALLY crawled out of the bed, fresh clothes (after nice shower last night) and on wit this morning of 5°! And sun-shine. - The trip to the basement was, primarily to have my smoke, but it's something that needed to be done anyway. That done, I toddled to the PO where the “Notice” from Soc.Sec. was the only thing in today. “Good news” that it's to be effective January and not February... not that the fucking 16$ makes all that much difference in my life. But... it's “a little some-thing”. Better than a reduction, which is what I'd feared it would be... for what-ever reason or excuse they can conjure. Fucking dregs and vermin, parasitic malignancies that they all are. - ANY-waaaaayyyy... Messieurs Alvin and Jeff were at the PO when I opened the door. Chat got to Ms. Diva. Mr. Alvin says she's not coming back, they went to visit yesterday and she was singing with what I'll call “Music Therapist”. She's not in pain and she's to remain in hospital “as long as she's on medications”. BEST NEWS: LITTLE GIRL IS NO LONGER IN THE HOUSE ALONE! SHE'S WITH MEGHAN AND CHRIS AND THEIR KITTIES!!! Although it puts me in this entire place alone... I'M SO RELIVED TO KNOW THAT THE LITTLE ONE IS WITH OTHER CATS AND IN A HOUSE WHERE THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO CARE FOR AND ABOUT HER AND THERE'S WARMTH!!! - And so, today's weather would have made a trip into town a delight but... no money from Soc.Sec. Tomorrow's “high”: -1° but that's OK... for ice cream. Let's just hope they don't fuck about with payments. - What I'm to do with the rest of today? No telling... but no doubt, I'll get “busy” just as the sun sets. Oh well and what-ever. - For now... finish this morning's coffee and see about having an actual smoke and from there, it will all roll as it does. - 13.00 I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE IT! THE DAY'S JUST SHOOTING BY! I took photos of the place to send to Donna (all tidy, of course), then jotted a note to Alden to include with the rent cheque (explaining why a cheque and not money order), and the sun's been POURING in through the windows all delightfully. And all's silent in the place (save the constant annoyance of the fridge). And it seems only moments ago it was 11.00 and Crystal was heading up the road and away! WHERE, just WHERE in Fux name did this morning go? Not, of course, that it makes much difference one way or another. But seriously... WHERE did the damned morning go to? Oh well... at least the rent's ready to be sent off tomorrow morning. (Let's just hope the fucking money's in the account by 9.00. I don't trust the lot of them.) - Now? I'm going to get my “shopping list” on-line prepped. KETTLE, number one priority. Bread pans, number two... and other stuff. May as well get it whilst I may. - 20.28 And another day has come to an end. What “accomplished”? Fukkall. But of note: The thermostat is set at 62F and the place is hovering round 68F! Both terracotta heaters are going, and 2 candles on the chanukia. Maybe that's helping? Oh well. As long as the furnace isn't running, I'm happy. - Wanted to make a “holiday” card for the Reiners but I really don't have “art” in me. So I'll just let it go as it is. At least the rent cheque is ready to be sent tomorrow (and hopefully the fucking money will be in the account). - Tried ordering groceries with the FS card from Bamazoon this evening. Got through SO much and, of course, at the end... FUCKED! I'm betting it's the “shipping/billing” address fuck-ups again. Oh well... I'll try again... perhaps tomorrow, with some time, I can “phone” SOME-body to settle it all out. It WOULD be quite amazing to be able to get some of the heavier groceries (juices, flour, sugar...) delivered, and at MUCH less than Tops charges. I'll just have to work on it. Meanwhile, I'll order the kettle tomorrow (IF the money's in the account) and THAT will be a relief. (I can get coffee on the FS card from Bamazoon too! Now THERE'S a savings! BUT... in time.) - Meanwhile, the winds are blowing again tonight. There's another change in the weather coming... lower temperatures for tomorrow. Makes no difference one way or the other. The trek is a necessity. - Tonight, hot water again. No “beverages”. Must be in “top shape” in the morning. I don't much care, really. Last night's was sufficient. - So for now... a bit of soc.med. and then off to bed and hopefully BEFORE mid-fucking-night. - 23.31 Time to wrap this day up! Finish my water. Have my smoke. Brush my teeth. (Apply gel again tonight for tooth-ache... FUCK!) - The cold is coming as the morning progresses. -1° at noon and I hope to be well on my way back here by then! So... Off to the bed-sheets! (At least the furnace hasn't run all day. YAY!) There's about a half tank in there... and I want it to stay that way INTO January!

Tue.24.Dec:10.05 Already behind where I wanted to be at this hour but... NYSEG and Spectrum are paid, new kettle and bread pans are ordered, accounts are reconciled and I'm still in jammies! Next... drop the rent at the PO. - 10.31 Rent is IN THE POST! Becky arrived just as I'd put the info about the other payments, so... I BOLTED, got dressed and RAN! Rent is out. Nothing is in. BUT... BILLS ARE PAID! Lovely chat whilst in the PO. Seems that “Peter” is another “Deming” AND, as I'd suspected all along, it was confirmed: YES! He and Ms. Biddy WERE caught... “behind the counter”. OH! My guts and instincts. Peter R. was correct: I never give my instincts the credit and trust they deserve. - Well! That all said, it's been quite a morning from since about 8.40 or 50-something, when I dragged my arse out of the bed. - Needless (at this point) to say, YES... Soc.Sec. WAS in the account this morning when I checked. Not, really, that it made any more or less the difference other than... I can take comfort in knowing that electric and Internet are paid this morning AND a new kettle and 2 bread pans will be here in due course. I probably shouldn't have been so hasty about those but... they're not “frivolous” purchases. Mean-while, I'm just finishing coffee, waiting for another “pee” and I'm out of here and on the road! The sun is shining. The temperature is about 0-1°. Off we go! (Why? Smokes, mostly. But a trip to the market will be a comfort as well. Let's just hope the feet hold out and no blisters for “Xmas morn”.
13.08 GROCERIES AND SMOKES ARE ALL WHERE THEY BELONG! I'M CHANGED INTO “CLEANER CLOTHES”, THE OTHERS ARE IN THE BASIN, SOAKING. THE HOUSE HAS BEEN HOOVERED. I'M IN FROM A SMOKE ON THE PORCH. THE BILLS ARE PAID. AND I AM IN SHOCK... ABSOLUTE *SHOCK*! I walked out the door at about 11.30-ish... MAYBE just slightly after, and headed up the road. Just as I was approaching the horses, a car pulls up... *** MARGARET ***!!! A lift right to the market! I could've cried with delight. Our usual WONDERFUL chatting along the way, and SHE was going to the market as well! So, in the aisles, we parted. I got the butter, ice cream, tonic, flour, chicken and a little bottle of “garlic powder”, (WTF, why not?) and out the door to pack it all into respective back-packs. AS I WAS PACKING, MARGARET CAME OUT AND ASKED IF I'D LIKE A LIFT BACK! I told her I just wanted to make one quick stop at FamDoll and she was fine with that so... OFF TO FamDoll! THAT was a heart-breaker. Seems EVERY SOUL with-in a 50-mile radius of the place was there this morning! AND ONLY ONE PERSON AT THE CASHE! THE MANAGERESSE! The queue went to the back of the store and there she was... ALONE! And, of course, there were the folks who were doing a year's shopping, not to mention, returns and the shit. But I stayed in the queue thinking and hoping all would pass quickly. It really didn't and I was almost in tears. There I stand, with nothing in hand but my debit card and NOBODY offered to let me go. Oh well.... But I DID get my 3 packs of smokes (which cut into my “budgeting” some-thing horrific but it's 9 days' worth), and out the door with the most sincere apologies I could muster. Margaret didn't seem to mind but I'm still feeling the guilt. Any-way... back into the car and down the road and back to the house to walk in at... 12.39!!! INCREDIBLE! WHAT A CHRISTMAS EVE! AND, when I told Margaret about the truck, SHE SAID THAT SHE AND HER HUSBAND HAVE BEEN GOING TO RICHIE FOR YEARS... A GREAT RECOMMENDATION! AND A BLESSING TO AN OTHER-WISE ACHING HEART AND SOUL! All I can think of at the moment is: “That Christmas magic's brought this tale to a very happy ending.” I AM STILL IN SHOCK!
Meanwhile, I'VE TURNED THE RADIATORS OFF, FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE I'D PUT THEM ON! The sun is POURING in through the windows, bringing SO MUCH WARMTH to this old place. Tea water is on. Clothes are soaking and I'm AT LEAST 2 HOURS AHEAD of where I was thinking I'd be today! So! This all said and recorded, time to get moving again. Oh, and my back is feeling a LOT better now... so too, the tooth. THAT was a bit of living HELL last night! MEGA-DOSE of gel and I fell asleep with the THROBBING... even as I tried my best to wiggle the damned tooth to where I could pull it. - Again... “this Christmas magic's brought this tale to a very happy ending”... thus far. - TIME TO GET BUSY... with SOME-THING! - 13.46 WELL JUST FUCK ME! CHECKING TO RECONCILE THE CHHEQUING ACCOUNT (because I can't find the receipt from FamDoll) I SEE THAT THE PAYMENT OF THE SPECTRUM BILL OVER-DREW THE FUCKING ACCOUNT!!! AND TOO, THE FamDoll SHOPPING! THANKFULLY, THE AMAZON PURCHASE HASN'T BEEN POSTED, AND “RECONCILLIATION” SHOWS NO “OVER-DRAFT” CHARGES AGAINST THE ACCOUNT! I TRIED PHONING COMMUNITY... THEY'RE FUCKING CLOSED!!! SO I USED THEIR ON-LINE “CONTACT” AND SENT WORD. FUCK! NOW I'M PISSED! BUT OF COURSE, *** SOME-THING *** *** HAD *** TO FUCK-UP! Oh well.. .nothing I can do about it now... just look forward to (hopefully) an early phone call on Thursday morning to settle this shit! - Then too, having turned the radiator in the living-room off... as I sat here, in a frenzy with the banque, the radiator made the most horrific “cracking” sounds! I've turned it back on, it's heated again, so I'm leaving it set at “2” on the dial. It WOULD figure though, if it gets busted. I mean... GODS FORBID A DAY SHOULD BE “PERFECT” OR EVEN CLOSE TO IT IN ANY WAY. - I'm going the make a wash, put up today's chicken, prep tonight's “meal”. I'm frazzled... “SNAFU”... “Situation Normal: All Fucked Up”. Merry Christmas? - 15.04 Lavage is done and hanging. Today's chicken is in the freezer, with 2peices reserved for tonight. The kitchen is clean and orderly, so too, the rest of the house. I've filled that fucking tooth. (And am waiting for the utterly excoriating pain to commence.) The first container of “DenTemp”, the expensive shit, was a complete waste. All gummy, and wouldn't stick to anything but my fingers! Fuck them. But there's “filling” in there, so we shall see how tonight goes along. - I'm still in a bit of shock, being done with every-thing at a time when I would have been just rolling in the door. - And, I'm, as I explained to the banque, “heart-sick” over the over-drafts. Oh well. Things can't possibly go perfectly well. - And the “classical” station from “Russia” is on the “phone”. All appears to be quite calm, and with the setting sun still in the sky, all is as “bright” as it could be at this hour of a Northern Winter evening. - I'm wondering who, if any-body, will phone with “holiday greetings”. I'm not calling any-body, to be sure - Margaret has asked if I'd been invited to the Reiners'. HAH! Said she, they invited Joan every year. Said I: I'm not on their “favourites” list. Said she: “They can be a little strange. Especially her.” So! ANOTHER “suspicion” confirmed. Oh, indeed, well. Fukkit. Fukkem. Dont' care. I've “come home” to “wait for God”, as it were. “Friends”? If yes, that's fine. If no, fine as well. - 18.50 “Meal”, 2 pieces of delicious chicken, some left-over rice and a potato pattie... ice cream after... DONE! Dishes are put up. The place is “settled” again, as if nothing ever happened. And the “Classical” “Russian” station on the “phone”. (That little speaker is quite amazing... or, the insulation on this house is for shit... but I can hear the music on the front porch. What makes it all the more enjoyable is... NO FUCKING “CHRISTMAS” OR “CHANUKAH” MUSIC! PURE DELIGHT!) - The thermostat is up to 68F and it's cozy in here. Both radiators are working. “Christmas Eve”... a warm house, a quiet house, a calm house. PEACE! I even have the curtains open. And the “chanukiah” is burning. A “pine-ish” scented candle glowing on the large terracotta heater (which is NOT lit tonight). Seriously now... THIS is what this holiday is about... when we get “old”. I am blessed... truly... living in what used to be nothing but a wish, a little reverie, something romantic. I'm HERE! I'm IN IT! May I be “taken” before it dissolves. - 21.53 It's been a delightfully calm, peaceful, quiet night, listening to the Russian classical station and corresponding on Minds, with a great many very wonderful folks. “Christmas Eve with good people”... even over the Internet. And I got Theresa listening to the same station! How incredible! Across all those miles, from Russia to America and across the miles from here to her. Ah.. the “good” uses of “technology”. And I have to add the funniest bit: even with the little speaker and from a phone, when I step out on the porch for a smoke, I can hear the music! (The insulation in this place is total shit, but it's rather kind of nice... the hamlet gets “musical”. Good thing I listen to classical tonight. I can't help but remember Biddy saying “Blast your heavy metal!” Yeah... right. Never mind.) - It's been a wonderful evening, all told. I'm now having my v-ton as the chanukia continues to burn. The curtains have been open all evening too. A little “sign of life” in the place. (I often think these people must think me strange, keeping them closed all the time. But, they do help to keep some of the cold out and the rest of them aren't paying my oil bill so...) But it's nice, having them open. And me, sitting here, on the futon, typing the night away. - Well, it's been a day... it's been a YEAR! (I can't believe I've been here only 5 months now... I can't believe I'm here at all.) Imagine? 45 years ago, I drove up that Northway, passed the exit for this little place, not knowing it even existed. Stopped at the Lewis rest area en route from Montréal and never ventured off the Northway. But from since back then, I'd only imagined, dreamt, pondered, phantasised about, one day, being here, in my “old age”, and even then, knew I'd do so alone. And tonight, on Christmas Eve, third night of Chanukah... I sit here, in this, “my” living-room, sparsely furnished, but well-fed, and warm (the furnace just kicked again... set at 66 or 68F), here, in “my” little “Home”, having a vodka-tonic, sitting on a comfy futon, looking out the window into what appears to be, from here, a pitch black night... in the Adirondacks! “Inside the Blue Line”. As I say: well-fed, warm, my own bed waiting for me in a bed-room... separate from the room in which I sit now. Bills are paid (as far as I'm concerned). I worry, of course, that some-thing will happen to take it away before I “depart”. (I'll see to it that that doesn't happen though... one way or another.) It just doesn't seem possible. It just doesn't seem possible. - Earlier, I was on the porch, having a smoke, (listening to the music) and I saw the folks across the road coming out of their barn. One, Mr. I believe, pulling a cart FULL of wrapped boxes! It's “Christmas” over there, for their 2 little girls. “Christmas”. - Never mind “Thanksgiving”. Tonight, there is SO much MORE to be “thankful” for. I've gotten back in touch with Donna and Dorothy since being here. I have the mountains to look at every day. The hamlet is quite calm, and I'm sure will become better now that the instigator (Biddy) has left. There's chicken and beef in the freezer, with some veggies. There's bread, rice, coffee, tea, ice cream, cookies... heavy blankets on a bed raised off the floor, clothes hanging in the closet, jackets to keep me warm, gloves for my hands, shoes for my feet. There's a table with chairs at which to sit for meals. Good people (Margaret) who lend a hand for travel. The “FedLoan” fiasco has been settled. I've a roof over-head, walls to block the Winter winds, floors that raise me off the cold ground. I'm not under a tree, hiding. I'm not in a room, on an old steel-frame bed, surrounded by strangers of questionable quality and sanity. I can close my eyes at night, to sleep, and not have any thoughts of threats to well-being through the darkness. I can listen to music again. (And, I whacked that damned motion-sensor light at the PO today and it doesn't come on every time some vehicle passes by! Teehee.) And in spite of the truck not running (I've no place I want to go to any-way)... yes, ALL is quite wonderful. And I am MOST thankful. - Now, at 22.14 (the time is slipping away so quickly!), I'll finish my “beverage”, pass the time, and head to bed. - (I think the “filling” is working for that tooth. Thus far, it's fine. By now I'm usually running to the loo to pick it clean. I can only hope.) - And so, another day has passed. One less “tomorrow”, one more “yesterday”. And all is well... yes, all is well.

Wed.25.Dec: 11.30 and indeed, the morning, late as it began, is rolling along. - Got to bed at 2.17 this morning. Lost in the falderall (?) of soc.med., bouncing about from account to account. Plopped into the bed, gleaned a magazine and, with-in moments of lights-out, fell, happily, asleep. (The “filling” in the tooth helped ever so much and well, thankfully.) - This morning, woke and got out of bed at 8.58. Had to pee. Other-wise, I'd probably have just stayed there. Didn't bother to dress until just moments ago though. So, got up, put on the coffee thinking I'd just “lounge” about. HAH! Certainly NOT! Not ME! And so, the diddling about the place commenced. A smoke on the porch. It's another rather unseemly sort of relatively warm day. Hazy. There's a touch of cloudiness to the other-wise blue sky. A gentle breeze to the air and just the slightest “chill”. But what a delight to not have the “thumpy-thumpy-thump-thump-THUMP” of the friggin paper-towels in the bloody PO, first thing in the morning! Not to mention, the chitty-chat-chat of the “congregation”. And so, just floating on with all things that are things, got the terracottas going. The fucking furnace kicked and wouldn't stop again! So I turned it off, then on, then off, then set it to 50F, and when I flipped the switch, it came on... and then, finally, stopped! It's back on, set at the usual 62F. The house isn't “tropical”, but it's comfortable enough. - A blip on the phone. Ms. Dorothy, responding to a message I'd sent her this morning before heading to bed. I'd gone out in the night, to snap a photo of “the business district of New Russia” and sent it along. I was shocked when, at shortly after 1.00, she replied! But, as she does, I asked a question and she just “disappeared”. I've no tolerance of such “text rudeness”. So, this morning, I make no response. - Meanwhile? The Russian classical station is on the “phone”, audible on the front porch. Mr. Alvin's been next door, banging about. Little Girl is, to my knowledge, not there, so I can't figure WHY they feel they MUST frequent the house. Perhaps it's old friend-ships. Just to wander about in private thoughts of the potential “loss”. I can't help but think of how “New York” it is here: they're not out-right rude toward me, but, even though Alvin did come by with a card (the only one I received this year), I still get the feeling I'm still “not quite 'welcome'”. Although, it IS “New York”... polite, but not “close”. Margaret is a blessing, with her comments about the folks here. I suppose I just need to stop the “sensitivity” nonsense. - And so, moving along, I MUST get the “new format” for this journal done! We're slamming into a “new year” and it should be all up and running before the inevitable. I just don't like going through the photos. They're almost painful... especially the “little ones”. (Which brings to mind, the qunt of Vermont. Obviously, she's moved along. I entertained the notion of sending a “Thank You” for the “shelter” of the years there. But the fact is, as I said to her a few times, if not more, she DID live quite well whilst I was there, being able to road-trip, globe-trot and the likes... and then, dismissed me as a mere inconvenience of “handy-man/grounds-keeper/pet-sitter”, or company when needed and nothing more. Hell! I put in a LOT of work on that property. And I keep in mind, the “birthday threats” to my well-being and the “As we discussed, if you want him out, I'll remove him for you.” Yes, indeed. Not to mention the out-right lie on those recorded (and still on Utoob) messages where SHE said she'd tried to call, but there was no answer... followed by the “As we discussed...” Best to simply let that all go. Not “forget”, but not dwell. - OK. time to move along here. The day is progressing... I am not. - 20.58 It was 19.56 and I'd put the hot water on and was heading out the door for a smoke when... the phone... DONNA! We JUST got off the line! WHAT AN ABSOLUTE THRILL to talk with her! I didn't expect any-body to call today! In fact, I'd been thinking: Yep... “Christmas”... and “can't be bothered.” WOW! And now... it's time to “settle in” and settle down. “Christmas” is OH-VUH! What did I “accomplish” with the day? NOTHING! NUTHIN! And I don't give a shit. Thankfully, the furnace hasn't been up all day. THAT alone is a MARVEL! As for any-thing else? Well... another day has passed. There. So now... time to roll it down, roll it in, roll it away... I do NOT want to be toddling to bed at mid-night again. (Not sure why... but...) And as for tomorrow? Nothing on except trying to figure why FS isn't working on Babazoon. AND, checking with the banque about the alleged “over-drafts”. Other than that... just another day.

Thu.26.Dec: 0.03 FUCK ME! I got caught-up trying to order food from Bambazoom again... tried a whole new order and at the very end... it connected to verify, then took my PIN and then asked me to “Authorize”. So I tried... fucked again! AND NOW it's LATE again! And I'm annoyed. So? So... Another hot water, another smoke and THEN to fucking bed! Well... it's not as if I have anything to do today or places to go to... So? So... FUKKIT! - 1.29 off to bed... 8.00 alarm set... for the banque. Fuck. - 8.29 and it's already going to be “One of THOSE days”. To begin with, I didn't get to sleep until 2.00. Just because I couldn't fall asleep. I was considering not bothering at all and staying up the night. Then, up at just shortly after 8.00. Poured the last of the coffee from the jar into the press and whilst the water boiled, opened the next brick and put in a “little” extra, which turns out, was a LOT... the coffee in the press is BLACK! So, I'll try adding a bit more water (which is on the stove even now). I'm dressed, but it was an effort to do so. The furnace kicks up and there's almost NO air coming into the bed-room, and what's coming into the living-room is weak. I'm betting the filtre on the furnace is shit! Yes, it's warmed-up in here, considerably, since I cranked it one more time. But this means that it has to work longer, burning more oil, to get the temp up! “Oh, Hance comes around to check it once or twice.” says Alden. Yeah? I saw how they “check” when they came to “check” the water heater. NOT! So I'm ma touch pissed-off this morning about the whole ordeal. I'll have to go down there, to the cellar, find the fucking filtre and looks like another 40$ off my budget this month? AND FIVE weeks until next income! Nope. NOT happy. Then there's the “over-draft” on the account hanging in my skull. And I'm up now to be awake for when the banque calls... IF they call. And if they don't by 9.00, I'll call them. Add... the whole “FS on Amzazzon” bull-shit! OK. With that, I DID have the hardest time setting things up with banque cards any-way. So this is just another one of those bits of shits. But now I have to deal with ANOTHER “benefits” office and I do NOT like THAT! Those people (loose application of the term) are... well... it'd be easier dealing with chimps in the wild. Troo-dat. So I see, it's about to be a regular “Boxing Day”... with gloves and all. Well? We can't have Utopia (and I ain't talkin' Queens, NY hear) every day. Eh? - Let's see how this all rolls out. (Must remember: many things have gone quite “right” since coming home. “Benefit of the doubt?” We shall see.) At least it's not bitter cold, and today's high is expected to be 5°. I suppose that's a “plus”... if there's to be one at all. Oh... and then there's the anticipation of the throngs at the PO this morn. Always a thrill, that. Fuck. - 8.51 SO! I look at the phone a few moments ago and... 7.48... THE BANQUE CALLED! FUCK! SO... I call back, got “Janet”? She tells me that all's perfectly well and fine with the account, that “Darlene” has already sent an e-mail to confirm and that it all “self-corrected” when it ran the “batch”. (Good thing I understand all that.) A few moments of chatting and yes, “Janet” says it's perfectly fine. Whew! There. THAT matter is... as matters have gone in NY... settled and fine. Now, I'll just run through and RE-reconcile... not only the account by my guts as well. - Item number 1 du jour: complete. ONWARD BUTTER-CUP! THERE'S THE GOVT. TO DEAL WITH AND FUCKERY STILL LINGERS IN THE SHADOWS! - 9.22 FedLoan paid... NYSEG paid... Spectrum pain... Rent en route... Account reconciled... NEXT? FS... and then? I'll finish my coffee and have a “beverage”! (Just kidding!) Next is wait for the post and THEN have a “beverage”... (Just kidding!) THEN, it just might be... go back to bed! Or, at least, a nap on the futon... if the “crowd” at the “Grange Hall”, a.k.a. PO, permits. HAH! - 10.09 WELL... FS (Ashley) was a doll but “I'm not sher...” OK. Trial and error, here we go. But accounts are reconciled. That's a delight. AND... as I sit here typing, there's more “visitors” next door. Honestly, none of my business but... WTAF are they doing over there? If not just coming over to listen to here. Bloody BS. (I'm just being a stodgy old thing, I do suppose.) As Donna and I agreed last night: We're old and bitter and proud of both and have NO intentions of changing any of it - So, now, back to Amazoon, with whom I tried “chatting” to resolve my “issue” and after “hanging” for 10 minutes... called FS direct and disconnected the BS with some “folk” with one of those “continental Asian” sort of names. Honestly! “America”. What a waste-land. - 10.27 I THINK THE FOOD ORDER ON AMBAZOOOMS WENT THROUGH! OF COURSE, IF IT DID, I WON'T GET IT UNTIL AFTER THE FUCKING NEW YEAR WHICH MEANS NO BLACK-EYED PEAS... FUCK... BUT THEN AGAIN, I HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE “DECLINE” MESSAGE TO COME THROUGH EVEN THOUGH IT CAME BACK WITH A 25$ BALANCE ON THE FS CARD... THE TROUBLE? BILLING AND SHIPPING ADDRESSES TO THE HOUSE! NOT THE POB! “TRIAL AND ERROR”... BUT LET'S SEE AS THE DAY PROGRESSES. - 11.06 OK THEN!!! FOOD ORDER IS STILL “CONFIRMED”, NO “DECLINATIONS”. THE BANQUE IS RECONCILED. UTILITIES ARE PAID. RENT IS PAID. TERRACOTTA HEATERS ARE LIT. (It's BLOODY CHILLED AND DAMP IN HERE THIS MORNING! Or, maybe I'm just tired? Gee... I wonder how THAT could be. Fuck.) AND... THE TRUCK INSURANCE CARDS ARRIVED! Looks like ALL is “ACCOMPLISHED” AND DONE! Me? I'm going to grab a blanket from the bed and head for a “nap” on the futon... just because. I'm tempted to put jammies back on and just go back to bed, but I'd feel awful doing that. So I'll call it a “nap”, and try the futon. I don't dare kick the furnace back up. (I should go down and check the filtre but I'm rather pissed about it... and with the dripping fucking tap in the fucking kitchen, but THAT'S the hamlet's water and I don't give a shit.... so long as it's not my HOT water! One of these days I'll take that tap apart and try for “DIY repair”. But NOT this morning. My eyes are a bit on the “burning” side... fatigue. Best to leave “Well enough” alone!) So much for this day... I suppose. - 12.06 Still no “Decline” on the food order so... snooze time! - The furnace kicked-up and then out. It's a tad touch “better” in here but... it's at the temperature out there today where it's “chilly” but DAMP! Oh well... a snooze... and we'll see where things go. One thing I rejoice in: I CAN take a snooze when I want to and NOT have to “consider” others, nor expect to be interrupted. AT LONG LAST! - 14.28 An hour's nap. A re-warmed coffee with a touch of sugar and creamer. A “caulking” and “shopping bag weather stripping” of the kitchen window and kicking-up the furnace for a touch and we're on “Re-start” to the day. AND... no “declines” of the grocery order. SO! On with... what-ever. I don't feel “perfectly fine”, but I DO feel a HELL of a lot better. Tonight (I should set an alarm)... NO “mid-night to bed”! Not that there's any-thing on tomorrow's agenda... but... - 18.06 Meal (2 burgers with rice, cookies and cranberry juice) is done. Dishes are up. Stove clean. Hot water poured. Halfie on the porch. This day is DONE! And now? The count-down to bed-time which, if determination is applied, will be in about 3 hours. Even if I have to FORCE me! Let's see how that work. Shall we?

Fri.27.Dec: (“MYNY”) 0.05 AND... did it again! But right now, the WIND is SLAMMING against the house!!! The temperature's about3 or 4 (if not warmer), the sky's over-cast but the WIND!!! The house has been “cracking”, the windows have been “thumping”. It's really quite something. (If insurance is right, I'm putting “comprehensive” on the truck, when I change over to here! IF the truck lasts that long!) - As for the truck, I checked about a new alternator. They run about 100$ and they're really not all that difficult to change. A garage might charge about 250 for the job but... no matter what, I'm going to have to find out what's actually wrong with the old thing, and that won't be until I get the AAA back. - So, that said, I've had a “Nighty Night”, thinking I'd be asleep by now (dumass me). Hopefully it'll help with a night's sleep... There's no rush to get up in the morning (yet). I've re-re-re-checked the food order... still fine. The new kettle and bread pans should arrive some time next week. Things are “settled”... which probably isn't “good” because it never is when they are. - The Mr. Alvin's place has been dark this evening. I wonder if they haven't taken leave again. Not that it makes any difference to me, one way or the other. I'm just REALLY GLAD TONIGHT: Little Girl's safe... and not alone. - And so as I posted to Mr. Willie on Minds: it's time to... turn out the lights, the party's over. - 5.59 Out of bed at 8.00... with that “restful” feeling that follows a “NightyNight” tea... coffee water on, towel and flannel in the basin to soak. Smoke on the porch, in to wash the towel and flannel. Next... the sherpa into the basin for the wash... Made coffee. Washed the sherpa. By 8.55... lavage is hanging. - 9.11 (“That” hour...) In from halfie. Seems the Amazon orders are fine, no “decline” messages. It's 6° out there, with threats of “pluie”. The PO is “open” and the morning rolls along... screeching toward after-noon and... night. Let's see what ELSE I can get done with the time at hand... HAH! - 9.56 Soc.med. and such are done... time to roll... - 22.25 and I can't understand where the day went! AGAIN! The biggest “time-passer” was the creation of “MYNY”... with logo and story and posted to the Minds account (to record it all and time/date in case some-body else tries to “take” it... though there's an URL already... for some “broker” on Long Island... the Hamptons... a shit site at that.) OK. SO that rolled into the later after-noon and then there came checking Amzoonz and my orders. FOOD SHIPPED! But my order of the 24th... kettle and bread pans still hasn't. Fuck! THEN came “meal”... 3 eggs, fried, 3 potato patties, fried (of course), the 2 slices of the first loaf of bread... a bit of cheese, ketchup and... the last of the “cookie dough” ice cream (not very much of it was left anyway). As usual, prep began at about 16.45... by 17.05 I was at table... by 17.45 the dishes were put up. Oh well. - BUT... the towel I washed this morning? Back on the rack... DRY! The sherpa I washed this morning? Hanging over the radiator in the door-way to the blue room... ALMOST COMPLETELY DRY! THAT, I thought would take a week to dry! I'm amazed... and relieved. - AND... Theresa bought a copy of Bitter-Sweet Bitterness! (I'm running a 50 per-cent sale, 10$, through Valentine's day). She posted that she's on page 96... she's very complimentary, saying the same thing Pammie “Fuklin” said: I don't know how you survived... &c. Let's see the reaction when (if) she finishes the book. Oh well. But... there's about 15$ in the CIBC account! THAT'S nice! (Doesn't do me much good here, but at least it keeps that account “active”... may there be more!) - And now? The chanukiah is on it's last “lite”, there's water on the stove for last mug and then? BED! (Again.) Tomorrow? Don't care. Météo claims 5-10cm of snow Monday or Tuesday. On Wednesday, I'll have to scrape and head to town... smokes... maybe some food... there's about 25$ on the card until the 9th. And I've already started a shopping list (Ambazoom) for THAT! We shall see. We shall indeed. - But for tonight, it's warm out there at 6°. -1 for tonight's low... then back up to the positive numbers and then... THEN... BANG! Negatives again for the coming week... AND SNOW for the 1st! WOOHOO! - I'm off to hot water and last smoke now.

Sat.28.Dec: 7.45 and why I'm up and about, coffee in the press, me in from a half-smoke on the porch... I've no idea. But the sherpa is completely dry this morning. Imagine that. And I did sleep through the night. So I suppose it's fine. And the house is warm (or it's residual body warmth). Not bad out there. Wet. A touch on the cloudy side. And it's another day. - I really must get water for the plants, the photos and other pages done for this journal. - Up-dating the “Adobe” shit as I type. Another bit of shit I'm sure. I just keep hoping that I won't lose anything I have on here. (And “here” is something that needs to be “cleaned-up” as well... so many fucking files.) - Well. If I don't do it, it won't get done. Let's see what I get to today. Eh? - (Recapping on Sunday, from notes jotted.) ... 15.57 and SEVEN DEGREES OUT THERE... UNDER PERFECTLY CLEAR SKIES! - As is usual, I got carried away with a “notion” and... created another “group” on the G's Minds channel... dedicated to the music of... “the 20's”... 1920s, since this week coming, we roll into 2020, which other's have already noted will be “the 20s” again! 35 songs already on there! NOT that any-body else will appreciate it, but HEY! 35 tuned to start is pretty impressive, I must say. - At 13.30 though, I decided to make a “go” for the river for plant water. SO warm out there that all I put on was the sherpa! (The CLEAN sherpa.) Yes, the “Orvis” fleece too, but at least no heavy gear. And I headed out the BACK door! It's been almost forever since I used that door... lest I be accused of MORE VOYEURISM! (I don't like that that place is empty, and I'm nervous about what its future will be, but it's nice to have a back door to the place again. More like being in a “house” than a “flat”. I've even had a smoke out there!) With water container in hand and “phone/camera” in pocket, I headed down to the falls, which can now be seen FROM THE ROAD! Took a couple of photos of the falls and walked along the bank to the bridge. Not a place available to get water. It's all frozen! But, on the other bank, I spied a felled tree that appeared to be a good place to get water... so, I finally did what I've been wanting to do for a while: I went to the opposite bank. Quite steep over there, coming down from the road. Never made it to the felled tree though. Instead, I happened upon a spot where, after a bit of rock-toss and banging, I broke through some ice and, with a limb that was laying there, with just enough of a twig attached to form a “hook” that worked on the container, I managed to FILL the container! It wasn't exactly “easy”, but it was perfect! The climb back up to the road was a touch precarious though. Ever so steep, and having the weight of the water, well... but I MADE IT! THERE'S RIVER WATER FOR THE PLANTS... for the “new year”. - Coming down to the bridge, Cliff's wife and her mother were standing there. AND WE CHATTED! (I'm so impressed when people round here speak to me. It could be thought of as “sad” but.. I'm back home... in New York.) It was brief but pleasant and they continued their walk up the Simonds Hill and I, in the direction of home. - Dropped the water at the house and went down the 9 to take some photos of “the hamlet” (“Centre City”, as it were) and the house. - In to relax, have a tea and wallow in my accomplishments and the fresh air, bit of exercise. - Ah, but then, decided to pop out and grab some photos of the mountains... it being such a brilliant day. - As I went to the end of the “parking area” (damned PO), I spied Jeff coming across the back yard, heading to the “Alvin” residence! He actually came over to chat! We talked about the weather, and the forecast “ice storm” and getting old, his aches (he's walking with a cane), and then about Ms. Diva and her condition, and the possibility that she's not going to return. That moved into his late wife, her “hospice at home”... “She wouldn't get into a hospital bed so she died right there, on the couch.” Well, it confirmed my suspicions that the Reiners are not in town. fine. - He went to attend Wombat, I came in for after-noon tea. I wanted to take a nap... to finish the one I tried to take this morning but couldn't because it was unusually and unreasonably LOUD in the PO... banging about, almost as if intentional. - Of note: Crystal left the heater on in the PO! I'm “concerned”. Fire hazard? It's propane! If there were to be a fire in there, I'd fucking SNAP! Not to mention how nice it must be to not care about using all that gas... for an empty office. Oh well... the USPS can pay. (Damned shame they didn't change to Avery... who could use the income more than Amerigas... those fuckers.) And so, as events close, there's chicken in the oven for tonight's meal. The sun is already setting (of course). I sent some of my photos to Donna. She says she enjoys them. - As for the rest of the night, hopes are (as usual) to get into bed BEFORE MID-FUCKING-NIGHT. We shall see how that goes... as usual.

Sun.29.Dec: 0.38 AGAIN! It never fails! I SWEAR I'll be in bed WAY before mid-night and... I get into something and... AGAIN! THIS time it was new fonts (for the 20s, as it were... the Déco-styles). FUCK ME! AND, my back, the right side, as usual, is out again tonight. And, the temperatures in and out-side are dropping. Well? Another hot water and off to bed. I don't want to take meds... unless I wake in pain “this morning”. Meanwhile, I've been sitting at the kitchen table (again) for the back. - And I DID manage ANOTHER 144 COOKIES after “meal”, which was 2 pieces of chicken, the end of the rice from the “chicken and rice” and a dollop of ice cream after. - Now... that said, I made “notes” to end yesterday. I'll get to them when I wake from tonight's “nap”. - 15.09 I've been ON THE MOVE ALL DAY! Started at about 11.00-ish (not exactly sure but it was before 11.30, according to the “into it already” photo). Attacked that “cubby” in the kitchen... AGAIN! HAD to cover those dryer holes in the floor and wall, if, for not other reason than to plug the damned things up, keep the fucking cellar cold out of up here! Got the brilliant idea to use the styro-trays from the chicken and beef! Styro's a good insulator. And so... cutting a few and “affixing” a few, the holes are covered AND there's a bit of a “base-board” trim! All got painted white (sadly... TOO white but at least it appears clean). Re-set the “bed box” round the washer plumbing. The plywood panels now look a bit more like a “cabinet” with a bit of a “trim”, wired together and barely braced (with wire hooked into the bed-box). Cleaned that “flooring” a touch and re-arranged the cubby shelf to appear a bit more “in order”! AND... re-did the corner shelf for the spices and seasonings with a couple of coffee jars and the plywood that I used to use for my “al fresco” water-colourings. (HOW I WISH I HAD A WORK TABLE TO GET BACK TO PAINTING AND WRITING AND ART!!!!!) And only JUST NOW, is the house back in order, a pot of water on the stove for after-noon “hot water”. Hey! The movement did my back a bit of good today, at least. But... the morning's sun is now behind this after-noon's clouds, even before the poor thing has a chance to “set”. But, there's “weather” ahead so... Winter in The North Country. - Me? I DO believe I'm going to have a bit of a “snooze” on the futon now. Hot water. A few cookies. Snooze. I've NO idea what to have for “meal” though. And, it being Sunday... well... MAYBE I'll get last night's “Guttfeld” at 17.00 (though, last week the “stream” was for shit so there's no telling). - 20.32 “Last” hot water on the stove. (Let's see how that works out tonight... the “bed-time” hour.) - Meal was a chicken thigh, baked, shredded into a bowl of “macaroni bean” Progresso soup, with a heel of bread and some Parmesan cheese. Cookies for dessert. Of course, started at about 17.00... done well before 18.00. - Tonight, all 9 candles are lit for the last night of Chanukah. THAT went by quickly! Tomorrow, it all gets cleaned and packed away again. (Perhaps by next year... God forbid!... I'll have an actual chanukiah?) I took progressive photos of the lights and made an animation of them to post to soc.med. and to Donna and Dorothy. - I've caught-up with last night's “notes” on yesterday evening's “events”. There's 16 “pages” to this journal tonight. But I'm hoping to hold-out until the year is ended before posting on-line. Which reminds me... I have to check the renewals!!! Oh... more money. Oh well. - Should file my nails again. Need to “get ready” for “the eve”. There'll be no “black eyed peas” until the 7th. Pisses me off a bit. Had the first order gone through, they'd be here tomorrow. - Speaking of tomorrow... Ev's birthday. Must give her a call during the day. Why? Don't know but... - Of note: Theresa keeps commenting on Minds as she reads the book. So far, nothing horrid. But so much of her personal life posted. That's a tad annoying. But, people do that. I don't know why, but... there it is. She's in the 100s of pages read in the book. (I'm waiting for words of disgust... but, as I think, the way the story ends, I suppose it negates the rest? I dunno.) - 21.19 OK. So hot water's done. One more... to “flush”. I'm SO TERRIFIED of another kidney infection! And this “back-ache” of the past few days... - The “pluie verglaçante” has begun. A “plough” just passed. Probably salting already. It's to be an “interesting” morning, tomorrow.

Mon.30.Dec: 7.37 Still not exactly sure what time I got out of bed (nor why). I woke at about 5.30, looked at the clock and said to m'self: “HELL NO!” and went back for a snooze which lasted until about 6-ish. Must have been about 6.10-ish when I had to get up for a pee, and felt so “rested” that I put the water on for coffee, had my vit.C and... things just began to roll along from that point forward. By 6.27, I was dressed, had stepped out for a smoke in the... *** ICE *** !!! YES, INDEED, THE WORLD IS ENCASED THIS MORNING! I heard the plough pass twice before getting out of bed and thought “There must be a lot of snow out there.” HAH! Nope. No snow... They're salting and scraping! It's not thick on the trees, but the limbs of the ever-greens across the road are so heavily-laden that one can barely see the house behind the limbs. The main road is just wet (from all the salt), but the front of the house here is slick. So too, the “invalids' ramp” on the PO. (I'm pondering whether or not to put some ice-melt on it... to be “nice”. Pondering, I say, because, well... FUKKEM. I maintained MY offices. I see no reason why these folks shouldn't attend theirs.) - And so, now, with send coffee at hand, seated at kitchen table, I've even watered all the plants this morning, disassembled the “chanukiah”, washed and packed away. Took the morning “chill” out of the house with a crank of the furnace for a touch. Had a half-smoke. Took a few photos (though they're not very good because it's only just “dawnish”). - But one thing that “concerns” this morning is the DREAM I woke from. Rather disturbing:
It was a dreary sort of weather, grey, damp, and round-about either just dawn or very late evening. “Winter”-ish sort of time of year. Not sure where I was but it wasn't in “the city”, to be sure. Brother John was involved. My truck wasn't working and I HAD to be at an aeroport on that Wednesday!!! It was already either Sunday or Monday, that point rather tossed back and forth through-out. But what-ever day it was at the time, I was in a most serious sort of anxiety... a “lingering”, “chronic” anxiety, because of the truck and because I “needed to get things together”!!! I didn't know how I was going to get to the aeroport and knew, of course, that even though he was trying to sound “re-assuring”, “not to worry” about getting there, he, brother, would make sure that I got to where I had to be when I had to be there. I didn't of course, believe a syllable. Then, just before waking, it was Tuesday!!! Not that any time had passed, just that it was understood to be Tuesday, and I was in “panic”! I wasn't prepared, had nothing packed, didn't know what I was going to pack, nothing around the house was “settled” (I wanted every-thing to be “perfect”, as usual when-ever I'd ever gone away to any-where in my life-time), I needed to get ME together, nails, hair, beard, &c. NONE of it was even started! And it was Tuesday! And I had to be flying on Wednesday! Inside, I became horrifically anxious! But out-wardly, I kept a calm demeanour... knowing that there was no sense nor use expressing my concerns... I'd only be ridiculed AND would just get more “re-assuring lies” about the “help” I'd get. But then... THEN... IT ALL BECAME SO IMPOSSIBLE TO HANDLE THAT... WELL... VERY SUDDENLY, IN THE DREAM, I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE MY AIR TICKET WAS! HANDN'T RECEIVED CONFIRMATION OF THE RESERVATION, HADN'T PRINTED THE TICKETS, DIDN'T HAVE A PRINTER!!! AND IN MY ABSOLUTE HORROR OF PANIC... I DIDN'T HAVE THE SLIGHTEST NOTION AS TO WHERE I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE GOING! EARLIER IN THE DREAM, THERE WAS THE “SUGGESTION” IN MY MIND THAT I WAS GOING TO ISRAEL FOR SOME REASON, BUT NOW, AT THAT MOMENT, I HAD NO IDEA WHERE I WAS GOING... NONE AT ALL!!! The anxiety in the dream was so intense that I literally became aware that I was dreaming AND that I NEEDED to wake up to GET OUT of the dream BEFORE the anxiety became any heavier! AND... with that... I DID wake. The clock read 6.00-something.
Now... THERE'S A HELL of a way to wake up! And it was still dark out. But I felt “rested”. Well, last night, I DID make it to bed at about 22.57, actually read an article or 2 in “Adirondack Life” and was “lights out” by shortly after mid-night. Woke once, at about 0.32 or so, to pee, and after that... out for the duration. About 6 hours sleep... Good thing I didn't go to bed when I originally wanted: at about 21.00! - One tid-bit of info that I learnt from the magazine: these flies that I find in the house even during these Winter months... (one of which got flushed only just last night): They're “Grouper Flies”... Apparently, they lay eggs in the soil during the warmer months, the larvae inhabit worm tunnels and the such. In any given warm season, there are multiple generations. They “Winter” under bark of dead trees (they don't die) or in walls! And when the days get warm enough, they come out of “hibernation”! So THAT'S what buzzes about here every now and again. And though they've “come from Europe” (HOW in Fux name THAT happened is... what-ever), they've become indigenous to the Adirondacks and the North! So... there we have the answer to THAT question. - OK. Fine. Time to get on with this day. Agenda? Get these 17 pages (on the lap-top) onto the servers, just to be “safe”; get the new pages for this journal DONE! PHONE EV... IT'S HER BIRTH-DAY! File finger nails... Back-up files for “End of Year”.... stuff... But for right now... have my coffee. - I see the temperature is “plus” 1° with a little note of “Grésil début à 8h20” (it's 8h11 presently). The “ressentie” is -2 with “Pluie verglaçante”. Expected to change to “neige” from 9-12.00 and then “verglaçante” pretty much for the duration until 16.00 (which reminds me, I have to get something out for “meal”). So... looks like, no matter what... I'll be “in for the day”. Eh? - 8.20 Just in from finishing my half-smoke... the some of the outer limbs of the firs across the road and the white pine in “the park” are on the ground. Reminds me: earlier, before day-light, I heard a “CRACK” from a tree some-where... in the other-wise silence. Ah... if snow is to follow... I can't help but think: this should be SNOW, NOT ICE at this time of year! - Oh, and when I'd spoken with Jeff on Saturday, I'd said that some-body should move Ms. Diva's car, because it's parked under the maple. Lettuce sea what comes of that. - 11.38 OK... So I rang Ev... she sounded quite tired but was getting ready to go out... with Lois... for lunch... for her birthday. Didn't talk long so... I did it. She thanked me. Done. - Also just got all the previous “Journal” entries posted to the site, the “blog” and the “work pages”. -A tea at hand, and the ice is still coming down. Météo claims it'll be over and done round about “noon”. OK. Fine. - Mr. Alvin is back... toddling about the yard. - Post is in. ANOTHER set of insurance cards for the truck. That's fine. I don't mind. - And so, for the rest? I think I'll “snooze” a touch. The phone call to Ev was most important of the day... and that's done. - 23.12 Fucked it up again. No “in bed by”... What'd I do? Well... “meal” at 17.00 was left-over 1 piece of chicken with veggies and a touch of ice cream after. Cleaned that up. Took a 30-minute snooze, then decided to work on the “Photo Pages” again... AND... SIDE-TRACKED! THE BOOK! Images for adverts. Finally got ONE animation done and posted it to Minds and... now... time to jump into the bed whilst the house is warm! - Today's “gresil” turned to “neige” and it's “neiging” just a tad bit. Nothing horrific. And tomorrow, I must reconcile accounts... time to toddle into town again! Hopefully the roads will be fine and the temperature condusive to ice cream? We shall see. I also have to clean this house and me before mid-night tomorrow! Oh well... let's see how it all turns out... -

Tue.21.Dec: 7.28
DREAMThe truck/car wasn't running properly but had to drive into some town for a reason not known in the dream. Took along some guy who, at first, was brother John. I wasn't happy about the trip in the first place, and the truck/car, as I say, wasn't running properly but there we were. We drove in, parked at some lot or garage located on some rather desolate back street. I didn't know the town and I don't know how I found the place to park or why I didn't drive directly to where we were “supposed” to go but I parked in the lot and we went on about our business, none of which was in the dream. I hadn't notified anybody that we'd parked there and of course, I was nervous about that too, since it was a business. When we returned to fetch the truck/car, I knew it wouldn't start but I went into the garage/office to pay the parking, but some-how knew that the guy had to bring the truck/car and that it would have required some sort of work to get it started. I was sick with nerves about how much it was going to cost me. A woman, the wife, met me, in a stair-way or ramp-way of some sort, said that “He'll be right with you.” as if she knew who I was and what I wanted. And then she left me in a cluttered office, typical of garages/mechanics. A guy came in, pre-occupied with all sorts of other business. I told him I'd pay for the parking and, nervously, for the work he had to do. As he talked to some-body on the phone about collecting a “storage fee” of a dollar per day (for something else), he put a bill/invoice on the desk. 10 dollars was all! I got my cheques out of my bag and tried to write one out, not sure that the 10 dollars was in the account, but it was the only way I was going to get my vehicle back. The pen wouldn't write properly and skipped, then blotched. I tore that cheque out and tried another, and another, and another. I wasn't sure who to make the cheque payable. The guy's name and the name of the garage was right there, on the invoice. He wanted it made to him and though the name was right there in front of me, I had the worst time writing with the malfunctioning pen and or some reason, spelling his name. “Rob Connders”. He kept repeating his name and at one point said “Say your name.” as if that would help me spell his. But it was the combination of not being able to spell his name and the horrid pen... Cheque after cheque after cheque... destroyed. The ink skipped, then blotched, then the cheque tore improperly from the book! I went through an entire book of cheques! I had to go to the “waiting area”, to the guy I'd brought to town, to get my other book! Now, the guy was some dolty sort of young kid! He was wearing a heavy, down-sort of jacket, red. I asked him to give me my other cheques and he couldn't find them so, angrily, I reached into the jacket and got the next, and last, set of cheques and went back into the “office” to try again. And again, AGAIN, the same shit! The pen wouldn't write and I STILL couldn't spell the guy's name properly. My anxieties were through the sky as cheque after cheque got destroyed. I was running out of cheques and had no cash! I needed to pay the bill or I wouldn't get the vehicle! And it was only 10 dollars and I wasn't even sure that the money was in the account. As I fumbled with the cheque-writing I told “Rob” that the cheque was good and that he could call the banque to verify. I needed to get out of that town and back home, didn't know what he'd done to get it started, if it would start when I tried to leave or even if it would run the distance back home. As I got to the last cheque and, of course, did that one in, I just gave up, removed it from the book with more aggravation because the perforations were wrong, and as I gave “Rob” the cheque, I woke.
I'd had an alarm set for 6.30 on the old phone (which woke me at about 6.15 and I dozed back to sleep... and that's when I had that dream). Lights went out at about mid-night and after only moments, I fell asleep. Woke once at about 0.35 to pee and went right back to sleep. - But this “dream” bothers me. So coffee is in the press, I'm dressed, jammies in the basin for a soak so I'll have clean tonight for bed. And I've looked-up that “Rob Connders” on-line. There's a “Conners” on FB... a guy who attended Sherburne-Earlville school in a town of Earlville which is out-side Syracuse! AND... the guy on FB looks rather some-what like the guy at the garage in the dream, not to mention, the town was very much like what I would expect of the Syracuse area: grey, rather desolate, run-down. He looks like the “mechanic” type though the picture of his “wife” isn't the woman from the dream. And “Sherburne” is too fucking similar to “Shelburne”! What does it all mean? No idea. But I'm sure I'll find out during the day. - As for the morning... there's the slightest lightest snow falling out there and there's a light coating of last night's snow on everything. It's grey. The main is just wet (they're great at the maintenance here). Not too cold (yet). But it's really not great conditions for walking into town, which is why I'm up and about at this hour... to get things done, try to get into town (for smokes... if I have the money in the account), maybe a stop at market, but there's only 25$ on the card and I'm not even sure about that. - And I'm sitting at kitchen table, my stomach's churning and I'm rather tired. Nice start to this day. NOT! - 9.15 Sheets are in the soak AND I JUST FINISHED SHOVELLING THE PO AND MY FRONT... and used a bit of the PO ice-melt for the front of here too... FUKKIT! Now.. wash the sheets, finish my coffee, use the loo, in what-ever order that may fall... Crystal is in. And the day... well... the day. - 12.26! Hoovering is done! Tidying is done! This morning's bed linens are almost dry! Jammies are in the shower... with the fan blowing whilst the sheets are hanging over the radiator in the door to the blue room. Things are moving along. (I can't wait for the big “FUCK” that will surely follow.) - The brown sugar arrived this morning. The rest? Kettle and pans due on Thursday. Food due on Friday. Late, but... - Spoke with Mr. Alvin this morning. Ms. Diva is in Plattsburgh! So, good thing I didn't make a trip into E-Town to “visit” (which I'd considered but, thinking of that “reputation” she created of me being a “voyeur”, I see no cause to be kind). - Spoke with Jeff this morning about Casella. He claims it's costing him 80$/month for trash pick-up! But then he went on to say that he's got his grands living there with and they produce at least TWO full-size bags PER DAY! Oh well. I haven't heard from Casella but at 80$/month, I'll bury my trash in the back yard first! (Thankfully, the weather's not HOT!) - Meanwhile. I NEED, NEED, NEED a shower! I STINK! Can't figure why. But the fact remains. Tonight... SHOWER! (I was planning on it anyway.) - For now, I'm rather weary. A snooze is coming. HELL! I shovelled snow this morning, got the house cleaned, did my lavage. I suppose that's a day of “accomplishments”... if nothing else is. By mid-night, I will have NOTHING “out of order”. There's food in the house, smokes to get through the “holiday” (with some rollies, I'm sure, but at least there's those), and a bit of money in the banque. - 19.33 (Oh my!) Well? Meal was the rest of the pasta with Goya black beans, a touch of ice cream with a light sprinkle of ginger on for dessert. - Now, dishes are up and the bed is made. The house is settled. Only item remaining is a shower... if I can stay awake long enough. I want a nap. And I see no reason why I should have one. Have been passing the time watching “A Bit of Fry and Laurie”. Water's on for water. But... there's a nap coming. Oh... jammies are dry too. All in the same day. Delightful. (But I DO NEED a shower tonight! ICK!) - Oh, received 2 messages from Dorothy today. First: “Wow”, in response to yesterday's photos sent of the ice. Second was something about having to call “next year” because of “issues”. I returned with 2 gifs: What-ever and another with a guy “brushing” things off his shoulder. Response? “Hilarious” and a note about her having “ripped the bumper” off the vehicle of the car of the people for whom she dog-sits. I've made no response. But all I can think of is “You have more issues than Time magazine.” I'm not bothering. Letting it just ride along. I've no patience. Yes, that's how she is, but it's abusive. I've no time. - Earlier, of note: I was having a smoke and Alvin was over to shovel the snow in the drive by Ms. Diva's car. Why? Not a clue. She's not here, not coming back, nobody uses her vehicle. Anyway, we talked about the car, falling limbs, the trees he had taken from his property and... that was that. I don't know why he came here to chat. I don't much care, really. I'm not any more or less “fond” of them than they are of me. And there was no mention of the holiday. Perfect. - So now, I got EVERY-THING DONE that needed to be done today. I'm off for a snooze. - 23.39 Sitting here, at the kitchen table
(I'M NOT HOMELESS!!! I'M IN MY OWN HOME!!! MY HOME!!! “MY” HOME!!!! MY “HOME”!!! KRISTE! IT'S BEEN ABOUT 18 YEARS!!!)
scrub-showered, HOT water all the way, in my jammies, candles lit all about... in MY HOME. There's a vodka-tonic at hand, the place is settled, bed made with clean linens, and clean jammies on me. It's comfortably warm (I set the furnace at 68F a bit ago and yes, it's WARM... I'M NOT HOMELESS). An alarm set for mid-night, for a “toast”. Donna rang earlier, to wish me a “Happy New Year”. We chatted for a bit. Dorothy phone her and said that I'd given her “attitude” today. But we let it go. I told Donna how I felt about the “tomorrows” and such and... let it go at that. Anyway, I'm touched that Donna would think to call me. It's been SO many years since ANY-body's called to wish me a “Happy” any-thing. - And now, I've a few songs to post to G's on Minds and from there? Well... finish my beverage and head to bed. - Out-side it's rather comfy cool. The sky is over-cast, not a star. There's a dusting of snow about. I'm just in from a smoke and heard gun-shots off on Giant Mountain. I wonder... Fire-works? I doubt it. No “flash” of light. I wonder. But it's a perfectly still night out there. Just wonderful. And...
I'M IN MY OWN HOME! NOT HOMELESS! NOT WORRIED ABOUT BEING THROWN OUT (unless Alden wants to get rid of the place... with Ms. Diva being all but gone). THE RENT IS PAID! THE BILLS ARE PAID! THERE'S GAS FOR HOT WATER. THERE'S OIL FOR HEAT. THERE'S PHONE, ELECTRIC, FOOD IN THE FRIDGE, JUST ENOUGH SMOKES. I'M CLEAN, COMFY, SITTING IN JAMMIES... IN THE SILENCE THAT IS... ***** MY HOME ***** FOR THE FIRST TIME IN ABOUT 18 YEARS! MY HOME!!!