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September 2014
Mon.1.Sep: Tue.2.Sep: (Moday 8 Sept. 7.53) I spent the day in the house today, trying to make space to move about in the living-room. I don’t so much mind that, since I was at HOME doing-so. There’s no room in the place with all the boxes and such. And the whining about it is almost non-stop. But I did what I could. – But tonight, when I’d expected to be on the road and whirled back, in the “chat” I was told “Didn’t you hear me tell Anna that I planned on going back on Friday?” No. I didn’t. Did you tell ME? No… you didn’t. Oh well. I’ve nothing to wear, no toiletries and such. But… you know what? I’m HOME so it’s fine… Not that I’d had any choice in the matter. Wed.3.Sep: (Monday 8 Sept. 7.57) Another day in the house, re-arranging boxes and furniture. – I changed 100$ from the Car Fund… went to des Jardins on Beaubien and this after-noon, I headed out the door and WALKED over to St-Laurent… to “Renaissance, a “Goodwill” of sorts. HEY! 2 t-shirts, sweat pants and a “work” shirt… 20$! Clothing! THAT made it quite worth the effort. And on the way back? ROSSY’S!!!! I got a little clock for the PO for about 9$ and a pair of socks and under-wear… cheap shit, but something to change into. But I’d stopped at Rossy’s for band-aids. The only shoes I had were the Doc and they were digging at my feet and heels! Imagine… at that price, to be so uncomfortable! I actually sat on a bench on St-Laurent and put the band-aids on. Other-wise, I’d have never made it back to the house! And that’s no exaggeration. – I’d mentioned something about getting to Walmarde’s in St-Leonard and so, off we went. She wasn’t too thrilled about going, but once there, she hit the groceries and I browsed. It’s huge, quite nice and looks nothing like the stores in the states. BUT… there was NOTHING in the line of clothing! And, for the most part? Just nothing, all told. A huge store with nothing in it. I almost got a set of sweats, but at 15$ each piece? NO! and HELL NO! Almost got a beard trimmer but thought I can still do well enough with what I have so, I got nothing and that was fine. Besides… their shit is all made in China these days anyway. What’s the sense? Especially at the prices! – When we got back to the house, instead of stopping at the corner dép, Viv parked in front of the house (there seems to always be parking there) and we had to WALK to the corner. She wasn’t too thrilled that it took me a while, and wasn’t too sympathetic to my pain… PAIN!!! I could hardly walk at all by now. Even the tendons in both legs were bothering me. But we made it there and back, into the flat and after a beer… to bed. Thu.4.Sep: (Monday, 8 Sept. 8.11) (I’m trying to get this down and the Walmarde point might be off by a day. Oh well.) FREEDOM DAY! I GOT A MERO PASS TODAY! The “One-Day” at 10$! 24 hours of TRAVEL! – This morning, I hit the boxes and the furniture in the living-room and got quite a bit of space… considering. A quick and refreshing shower and I was OUT THE DOOR! I wanted SO much to get a fountain pen, and on-line, claims that Bureau En Gros had them! And there are several on-island AND I HAD TRANSPORT! WOOHOO! – TO THE METRO! at d’Iberville. It’s been YEARS since the last time I was on the Metro! I’d been reading stories, on-line, about the stench, the filth, the dangers… OK. So it’s no longer the new metro… it is a bit on the filthy side, in comparison to the way it was maintained. But it doesn’t stink. The waggons are a bit on the dirty side and I notice that nobody looks at one-another and they all appear angry. But Montréal is growing up and there are people who truly do NOT belong there. So? All told: It’s still NICER than the subway in NYC and I was thrilled to have it available… and NOT have to WALK! It was a delight! – So… CENTRE VILLE!!! Blue line (5) to the Orange (2) to Peel and Ste-Catherine. WOW! It’s changed! All of Ste-Catherine has. Instead of having the little stores and the tabagerie on the corner, there’s “H&M” all over the place and “American” stores. It’s like a mall, with-out the roof and muzak. Disgusting! – First stop: Infotourisme. That’s still where it was years ago and seeing the Avis place where it’s always been brought back memories fond. The guy at Infotourisme was a delight, and I got brochures for l’Estrie, just because they were available and it’s now “my” neck of the woods. And I now have a system map for bus and metro! – Next, walk across Ste-Catherine to the Staples off Guy and as I walked I was amazed at how far it actually is! MUCH farther than I remembered. But as I thought: most of the time those days, I wasn’t exactly sober, so… Anyway, not only did Staples not have THE pen I was looking for, they didn’t have ANY fountain pens (or… stylo plume)! I was disappointed but there were 3 more locations on my list. I walked up Guy to de Maisoneuve for the metro to Atwater and away… At Atwater, Alexis Nihon is now huge! And like all other malls, useless. I navigated out and onto Ste-Catherine there as well and at first, walked in the wrong direction. I was in pain by now, hot and sweaty too, but on the return to the metro I found the other “Bureau en Gros”… Nope… no Parkers! Pissed, I left and got the metro back to Peel to find the Staples on de la Gauchetier… and MORE walking! In PAIN! I walked TO “China Town” and recalled Silas and his b’day. Chriss! That was TWO years ago now. Marde! Anyway… didn’t find the Staples so I headed back to the metro and passed *la tour Centrevilel* which is closed and looking horribly abandoned! I HAD to get off my legs for a bit so sat on the stone wall across the street and took a couple of photos of the place. Not only did both legs hurt, and feet, now my heart hurt as well. “MY” Montréal is all but gone. Well… the city is growing… older, colder, and well… it’s not the Montréal I remember so well. And I was a bit fed-up with it today. – Got up and walked up to Pharmaprix for water (NAYA!) and a Coke and headed back to the metro and the house. – When I got in, Viv was in already, on the “slot”. She decided that we would go to a Chinese resto on St-Laurent or what-ever and started telling me that it’s close to another “Renaissance” and the Salvation Army… I told her I had all that I needed and I had no money to spend. Franchement. – Dinner was… in my opinion, costly and SALINATED beyond words! Viv order some sort of “meal”, I got chicken chow mein with rice, an egg roll and cookie. She had quite a bit of food and offered to share but I declined so she’d have lunch tomorrow. The bill came to about 23$ and I put in 10. – We headed back to the house and when we got there, instead of stopping at the dép that was just at the corner, she parked and we had to walk back. I hobbled… terribly in PAIN! Then, to top it off, the connard had only “Select”. So I got one pack and Viv got one and I broke the 50$ for it. She gave me the 10 back. – Back at the house… straight to bed. Both of us were quite exhausted and me? I was in PAIN! Fri.5.Sep: (Monday 8 Sept. 20.32) Well!!! THIS was rather interesting. I wanted to get a little something done round the house (did get to wash my clothes a bit) and then go down-town round about 12.30 or so, go to the other Staples that I’d learnt were ever so close and one was in Gare Centrale! BUT… the phone rang… Viv. Originally she was to get out of work at 15.00 so I paced my morning for that. But NOW… she was getting out at 13.00 so I was screwed. She told me to take the company shuttle bus from centre city and gave me all sorts of info on it. I paid it no attention and began LITERALLY STUFFING THINGS TOGETHER INTO THE BACK-BACK!!! When she’d finished yammering, I BOLTED INTO THE SHOWER, DRESSED AND BOLTED OUT THE DOOR!!! – Went to des Jardins to change another 100 and the connard there wouldn’t do it. I was not a customer. I told him (in French) that I’d changed on Wed. with-out trouble but… “Malheureusment…” Fucking little cuntfag. Fine! I walked to the metro and headed to Sq. Victoria station. – Found the Staples on Notre Dame… NOTHING AGAIN! So I went to the other… in Gare Centrale and changed the 100$ there. In fact, I had a chat with the nice lady there and, as usual, was complimented on my French! Seems more and more that the only one who has trouble with my French is… Viv. Hmmm… Anyway, that all done, and me in absolute PAIN at this point, I headed for the 168 bus and sat for a bit, hoping the card would work. The bus arrived, the card worked and in moments, I was on Ile des Soeurs. BUT, I didn’t know where the bus stopped so I got off at a stop where I remembered I could find the way to Bell… and… HAD TO WALK AND WALK AND WALK again! – When I got to Bell, I tried the phone and got Viv to tell her that I was there at the front entrance. It was about 12.40 by now. I went in to sit down and she came to tell me that she’d be done in 20 minutes and meet me out front in the car. BFD and all that shit. So I sat, tired, thirsty, hungry and in pain. I opened a Boost for the calories. – Well.. 20 minutes later… there she was and I was in the car and we were on the road! – She wasn’t in a very good mood and neither was I for that matter. But we chatted along the way and the trip seemed to have gone quickly. I’m in PAIN and she doesn’t give a shit. But it’s like I told her when we had to walk to the dép: There won’t be another 360 days at this rate. – So… we get to Bedford and she does a little drive along the Principale. Why? I don’t know but she does, turns at the vélo shop and heads toward Metro. When I showed her where it is, she pulled in so I could get smokes… and she wanted a Coke (and I needed something to drink because I was dehydrated and she wouldn’t offer water at Bell). So in I went and got… a carton of smokes (YAY!), a sports drink and a Coke. Fuck. I was happy with the smokes because now I don’t have to think about them for a while and the drink? I was thrilled because I NEEDED that. her Coke? Je m’en câlisse.,, franchement. THEN she wanted to go to Korvette where she bought a mop. Me? Nothing. I browsed. Before heading back to VT, we stopped at the little gift shoppe across the street. Nice things but expensive of course. And I didn’t need anything other than my pen which they didn’t have. – OK… SHE took a wrong turn and headed of Riviere in Bedford so I got her onto Maurcie and we came MY way this time… she got caught in a lie, telling me that she’d never seen the Pont Guthrie (yet, that was the way she said she’d come the first time… ok… I’m surrounded by liars now). The crossing at the border was a snap! – When we got to the house, she wanted to leave quickly to try to get gas and get back to Morses Line before it closed (it was 15.36 by this time) so she didn’t get out of the car and didn’t bother to even offer help with anything. Fine. Great! She got some of her shit moved about the house and other expenses paid… again… that was that. Kiss.Kiss.Bye. I came into the house and didn’t even see her pull away. – The welcome when I walked in the back door was amazing! Dixie, of course, was THRILLED! I chatted a bit with L. and Jester and went up-stairs to un-pack and shower to get the MTL grit off my face. I changed clothes and Bobo put up the door he’d found, in the kitchen. It actually looks quite wonderful, I must admit. – Randy’s got a black eye… fuck the lot of them. They’d gotten SO drunk last Saturday that Bobo didn’t remember that John had dinner with them and Jester went to the ktichen for a soda and fell on the floor… and nobody heard him. Well, one of these days… BANG! and their little charade will be closed. Me? Don’t give a shit but it would be nice to be able to witness the down-fall of the kingdom here. – There’s no phone service until next week, Wednesday. Sat.6.Sep: 6.24 Well! Here we are again. At last. Back to the daily journal. And imagine me, not rushing off to the shower this morning. I truly don’t give a shit. I won’t go into that office until 7.30 this morning. – For some reason, I’m not feeling altogether well this morning. Just run down. Gee, I wonder why. A week of insufficient sleep and all. And now, a week’s worth of shit to catch-up with or on. Oh well. – It POURED last night, as I was going to sleep. The rains fell so heavily that it sounded like traffic rushing up the road! But it didn’t cool the air at all. It’ heavy this morning. Just a delight, sarcastically. Heavy air. The scent of cow-shit. I had to go out-side for my morning smoke. But, as much as I hate to admit it, it’s nice being “not there”. Imagine THAT! Preferring here to MTL. Oh well… oh well indeed. – 6.48 Delivery next door… BANG! BANG! BANG! FUCK! Yup… back in Fuklin! – Just getting notes on last week done. – 24.17 FINALLY in bed! – Again today, the work went right along and by 11.30 I was OUT OF THERE! – When I got to the house, it was FULL. Randy’s family had come up (I was never told about it… but then again) and there was supposed to be a cook-out. Aw… it rained. BUT… as I was sitting in the room working on the “post cards”, L. came up to say “We have SO much food and we want you to come eat with us.” OK… to save their faces, I did go… for a frank and some salads and to be social. I’m SO still my Mum! Can cover bull-shit with a tarp and make it look like fine home furnishings. Fuck. I WAS hungry though but still wouldn’t actually “eat”. I know they didn’t really want me to join them and I wasn’t going to anyway. But I WAS quite social with all… – Well tonight, after they all left? DRUNK! D.R.U.N.K.!!! And did I ever get the hoo-hah again! Thank you for all the work. Thank you for moving the pellets. I know you’re dedicated to getting a job. I know you’re doing the best you can. I feel terrible that they’re giving you the shaft. (L: And my mother would love you.) I don’t care if you stay here another year you can live here another year and not worry. We love you as a person. Not that I talk about you to but other people at work say I should throw you out. I’m not going to do that. You can start paying rent when you start making money again. – OH OH OH THE BULL-SHIT!!! The insulting part is that they must believe that I believe them! They believe me to be THAT stupid! Oh well.. let them believe what they want… – Meanwhile, Jester is all pissy depressed again… and I’m fed-up with it all. – Day is done… Fukkit! Sun.7.Sep: LITTLE “SHADOW” KITTY IS ONE YEAR OLD TODAY! IMAGINE? I DIDN’T THINK SHE’D LIVE PAST THE MOMENT I DISCOVERED HER, LAST YEAR, IN THE GRASS AND TODAY… HERE SHE IS! PRECIOUS LITTLE THING. (And I’d made a pact that I’d give my life for hers… So? When will mine be done? I’m waiting… willingly.) . Mon.8.Sep: 6.36 Dark wash is in the machine. No phone service this morning so I won’t get a phone call if needed. Oh well. I can’t care. And as for the day? Well, I’ve got the oars to work on and there’s plenty to fill the day anyway. Thankfully, I don’t have to look forward to making any runs to Bedford. I probably should put St.A. in the schedule, but not today. Not in the mood and not physically able to make that trip either. I’m quite actually in pain this morning. The left shoulder and arm in particular. But, nobody knows and nobody cares. – Another day of anxieties. Isn’t this wonderful? And yet… the wash is in. Ah… I’m a complete arse-hole. – 8.56 and the catching up with the visit HOME is rather annoying me as I recount and recall. But the laundry is almost DONE! The darks dried whilst the lights washed! I’m amazed. Although the red from the Walmarde flannel shirt bled into the beige work shirt from Home!!! FUKFUKFUK! of course. I washed it again with the whites and am hoping. AND.., One under-shorts missed the wash. But you know? There’s always tomorrow at this rate. I actually CAN get a wash in before work in the morning if I want to. So? OK. – Still, this typing is going rather slowly and the whites are in the dryer and I’m wanting to get to the painting on the oars today. – It’s been chilly this morning too. Yup… “those” days are upon us… the chills. – And I keep thinking of Bobo’s words of “kindness” and Jester’s report of “they talk about you…” and it’s pissing me off… Time… just time. – 9.33 DONE! AL THE LAUNDRY (possible). And… the day… fuckme. – 21.32 FINALLY caught up with the week!!! The house is all in bed. I’m sick to death of it all. – But I spent the entire day working and painting on the oars. At about 14.45 I strolled over to the PO to get the mail and to chat with Aline. Poor thing. This move reminds me so much of my move to VT: She’s going to a place she doesn’t know. She tells me that she’s got ONE DAY to find a place to live. She’s leaving tomorrow to fly down for a few days to bring stuff to her son who’s down there already. But wow… And I learnt that the jam was HERS! SHE MADE IT! IT’S WONDERFUL! It’s heart-breaking to talk with her about it. – Meanwhile, I came back to the house and went right back to the oars. They’re looking OK. Not perfect… but as I say… I don’t have all the brushes I need any more. Fuck people… just fuck people. – Also, got a message from Rozie and a phone number for her. She wanted me to call her if I was still HOME. But… But? But… – I knew I’d put something about the day down before starting the “catch-up” and here it is… I’ll toss it in here: 20.08 A dreadful day of working on the oars. In the room, in the house, all day, save the smoke breaks. – (And can you imagine? NOW Bobo decides to do some “work”, hammering in the house. Sits on his ever-fattening arse all evening, except for getting food, and now, at this hour, hammering. I SO hate this house. And I remember what Jester said yesterday when I said “Some people call it Karma but what-ever it is… “ and he replied “I call it Karma and when it comes around here, it’s going to hit hard.” Indeed… Indeed.) – Anyway… I dropped over to the PO for my mail and to thank Aline for the b’day gifts. She’s not saying who’s getting the office and not saying much of anything. L. said that if it were him in my position, he’d take sudden days off when needed most. But, as he said to Bobo… “he’s not like me in that way.” No, I’m not. And that’s why I have a job. – Hungry tonight. The linens are clean but I’m not. And there’s nothing in the room to eat save some peanut-butter. Hungry tonight. But tomorrow I can eat a nice lunch, in peace and quiet, away from here. And for 3 days this week, I can eat. I only hope I can afford to do so. – I’ve a suspicion that the Internet in the house has been changed. I keep logging on and getting cut off. Imagine. And I was told that it was better because it now has 3 antennae. I’ll have to look into that. I’m thinking that 3 “users” are being monitored for usage and each one has a limit. I’ll find out eventually. Not that I care. It’s their house and their service… although, I’m to understand that Jester is paying the TV and Internet AND their cells. Makes me want to puke. – 21.39 and I should be getting ready to get to sleep. I’m not tired, but I had a sneezing fit a few moments ago and am feeling “ick” at the moment. I wonder… work? Oh well… no time for illness. I need the money! – I’m going to try to get this posted to the on-line before getting to sleep. Let’s see if I can manage to stay connected long enough. It’s time to close this day anyway. It’s chilly out there tonight… How I dread another Winter with-out warmth! – 22.59 Burt’s geese are strolling and chatting and the Canada geese are flying o’er head. And I need to get the fuck to sleep! Tue.9.Sep: 6.00 already I was just in the middle of a dream. I was kissing Valentino in a crystal blue Italian stream. And I woke with head-ache, felling rather like I was hit by a truck as I slept. And I don’t want to be bothered with that PO today. What a delight. – The house is quiet. Bobo is gone. I’ve have my coffee and smoke. And I’m just in no mood for the rest of this day. How charming. – And… this morning is “9/11”… 13 years later. I need a manicure. J’m’en câlisse. – 6.21 Today is Tolstoy’s 186th b;day. I look through the images on Ggle and I recall the stipple portrait with the little red heart and flower, the books, the volumes I had… and again this morning, my heart aches in sadness and rage… stolen… because “I’m so sorry”. What cuntery, my so-called “sister”. What cuntery of you all? What cuntery, indeed. – 17.21 I ATE LUNCH!!!! Had a wonderful, “neighbourly” chat with Cecil when I closed for lunch. AND… I was OUT AT 16.30 with an overage of an adjusted 15-cents on the drawer AND all the work done! – There’s a posting on the site for a PSE at the office. I’m not sure: it could be… they’re looking for somebody to work with me or they’re looking for somebody to work the new PM instead of me. Either way, it’ll take a while for them to find somebody so… – 20.48 I certainly could use a shower but I just don’t dare. So typical. BUT… I got a key to the back door! Imagine that! I didn’t think I’d get one. – Well, this day went along rather well. The PO sailed along and by 16.27 I was printing the last report. I even had to “trouble-shoot” the printer and did so. Funny, now that I insist upon being out of there NOT later than the hours I’m paid for, the work gets done. I shouldn’t say so, but thus far, it seems to be going along. Sure, and they’ll toss my arse right the fuck into the street. I’ve come to SO fucking hate this damned job. Bobo wants me to apply to his place again. I just don’t think it’s in my best interest. Especially since his work-place thinks I’m a slouch. Imagine that: working in a place where the landlord’s described me as a ne’er-do-well. I some-how don’t think so. – Tea’s on. PoopTurds await. A quick run through on-line an I’m outta here for the day. Tomorrow? Fukkit! That’s my philosophy these days. – Oh PS: Bobo’s back on the “diet” kick. He’s 208lbs and should be 155… teehee. Like that’s ever going to happen. But he says he’s biking now (of course… I NEED the fucking bike and he’s off on it). Oh well… I’ll be fucked soon enough I suppose. – I still need to get to the banque in Bedford and to ATT in St.A. and Friday looks like the day I’ll be on the road… so now I’ll have to get it all done before Bobo returns. Gee… my “life” is a grand, open, manure pit. Wed.10.Sep: 5.59 I want to go back to sleep. I woke at about 4.30 this morning, ready to take on the day and almost forced me back to sleep. But when the alarm sounded, I wanted so much to just sleep the day away. I’d like to sleep the rest of my days away. Yup… depression. This morning, I realise, that’s been the routine, pretty much, for months now. Gee (he said with all sarcasm), I wonder why. – Kuntery. That’s how I should have spelled that. But the C looks better. Oh well… I like the word. – I need a manicure. Maybe at lunch break. Don’t care, really. – 12.32 At the house. I came back to wash the mug and flat-ware and freshen the water in the bottles. And now, I’d really like to nap, but I’ve no alarm… I left everything in the office. Oh well. – Her ladyshit’s still sleeping. Jester is on the sofa, got the empty trash barrels in and made a wash… imagine that… a wash. And there’s nothing really to mention other that that. I just want to nap! Ah… was going to log-on to something, but I hear the phone ringing and I’ve no idea what the Internet does to the phone service. I shouldn’t give a shit one way or the other, but… I’m a dick-head. – 18.10 EVERYTHING was DONE at 16.15!!! I was in the door at 16.32!!! AND…. changed my clothes: Thu.11.Sep: 5.46 Rain. “9/11” as it were. Thirteen years later. Imagine? Ca ce peut tu? Thirteen years. It doesn’t seem possible. Time… The stupidity of time. And this morning, it’s dark. And raining. Raining. And I’m off to the PO. I woke before the alarms, at 5.27. When I went down for my smoke, my insides were un-easy. Rain. And having to go to the PO. It’s become a psychological thing now: rain and the PO. Thankfully, this morning, not on the bike, pedalling in the rain. But it’s still got the impact. I’m a mess. And nothing toward the car again. I want to “check out” of this. – Meanwhile, the “thugs”, the “street gang” congregates across the road: the 3 or 4 ducks and the 2 geese. Our “Inner-city street gang”. As Mme. Laroche and I laughed yesterday, “Welcome to Franklin… Beware!” – I SO wish I hadn’t woken this morning. – 21.29 Not showered and I could use one. But… in bed anyway. The mini-cell is back, and up and working but my “call plan” is screwed because of the calls back HOME! SHIT! This means… I MUST get into St.A. and I don’t want to! Oh well. It’s not the first time I didn’t want to go some-where but had to. So, tomorrow? If the weather permits… on the road.. AGAIN! – Meanwhile… the day at work went SO well… UNTIL… 16.15 when the bloody-fucking scanners wouldn’t transmit for the final reports! I did NOT stay to try to “fix” the situation. Instead, I sent an e-mail not only to the “POOM” but to Highgate and copied Aline in it… and printed a few copies for my own sake… and left a copy with the paper-work for Aline as well. Ah… and then… THEN… I got a copy of the schedules and assignments for the coming week and to my amazement: Rachel has TWO offices that she’s covering (I’ve no idea how she’s pulling tomorrow but…) and it doesn’t look as though there’s anybody else in the are available to take the office. Of course, that doesn’t mean shit in the PO. But still, it appears rather good for me to get more hours in the coming weeks. Sure, they’re looking for another PSE, but it took me about a year to get this job… nobody else wanted it, obviously. I can hope a little… not much… just precious little. – Gena came to the house to deliver the new “mini-cell” today and when she got back to the office, she commented on her ladyshit’s attitude problem and we “discussed” the situation, circumstances and conditions round about the ‘home’. Well? You want to talk about me to others? I can talk too. And so I did. When I got in this evening, Jester was at the stove. Seems Bobo came in and read the dinner menu and sent him off to cook… un-willingly. But we had a slight chat and I intimated that there are others in town who are not too “pleased” with the situation in this house as it was before we arrived. So, if I’m ever dragged into a fire-side chat… I’m sure that will be brought up. As if… – I need a manicure in the worst way. My finger nails are starting to get to the “painful” length. I should have done them today, at lunch, but I got so involved with trying to learn about my “stability” at work… that’s a joke. – But I did have a delightful lunch today… mac-tuna salad on rolls, coffee and a whoopie pie. I’ve had 4 PoopTurds since coming to the house AND I was asked if I was hungry at dinner time (I of course, declined). – And so, that said.. the Internet has been shitty of late. I’m wondering if we’re not being throttled… by the owners of the ranch. Don’t much give a shit. Just too tired of it all to be so bothered. – On that note, hot water at bed-side tonight. It’s chilly as all get-out tonight! There was a horrid wind-storm this after-noon! Snows in Montana and Alberta already. Winter’s coming… and I’m in no mood for the freezing again… especially not this soon. Perhaps this Winter will “take” me. I can only hope so. – 21.51 and the “Thugs” are back on the streets…. too funny! Fri.12.Sep: 6.11 I woke at 5.40, before the 6.00 alarm and… her ladyshit is awake and ensconced in front of the tele in the parlour. We chatted when I went for my smoke. Doesn’t this figure? I wanted to be out of here shortly, un-noticed. Oh well. It’s over-cast this morning and on the chilly side. So I’ll have to wait a bit anyway before heading out to the open roads. We shall see… indeed. – 21.29 ***** I BOUGHT TWO FOUNTAIN PENS AND 2 PKGS OF INK!!! I BOUGHT TWO FOUNTAIN PENS!!! ***** – Went to St.A. today. CU then to Hannafords for crap and coffee and a giff-card, I walked in the door, got a 6-pack of Ramen, then to PopTarts, coffee, a box of peppermint tea, a sports drink. Grabbed a 50$ gift card and headed to the door… out. Next, to ATT where the young fellow there, quite “Gay”, listened to my question and disappeared behind the door and I waited… whilst I waited, I shoved another 50$ onto the phone. When, at last, he came back, just as I’d finished putting the 50$ on the phone, he told me that they’d changed my “plan” to the 45$ plan so that the 48$ on the phone would put me back into service. The extra money I put on is now available to make calls to HOME if I choose to do so… or.. I’ve 3$ to make those calls and the extra 50$ will cover October’s plan as usual. I was pleased with this news and got right back on the bike and headed back to fuckkin Fucklin. – The trip TO St.A. was a push. The trip back was a bit slower. But I stopped on the Hanna Rd. in Highgate, for a pee and 2 PopTarts, a wash-down of sports drink and a smoke… and back on the road. – I’d left the house at 11.15 or so, stopped at the PO to find Rachel in a snit. The scanners weren’t working, she’d called the “Help Desk” and they told her to take the battery out of the scanner to re-set it… It did… and wiped out the entire morning’s work! She fucked up the place… quite royally! I told her that I was headed into St.A. and would try to be back before she had to run her close-out. When she saw that I was on the bike she simply said “I have to meet somebody in 5 minutes. You’re biking? Well… good luck with that.” and got into her car and left. – AH…. but I DID make it back before she left! I got back at about 15.30 or so, much to her amazement, to find Tyler there.. from Richford! Still with his arrogance… the shit! He’d brought another scanner for her to use and they were setting-it up. The afternoon parcels were still int he sacks, and Rachel asked me if I’d ordered more sacks and trays. HEY! She’s the “PMR”, the one with all the “know-how” and shit! I’m told nothing and I don’t give a shit! SHE used to run the office. So… RUN IT NOW! HOWEVER… at one point, when Tyler left her alone, I grabbed what mail needed to be readied, opened the sacks, scanned and sorted the parcels and simply did what *I* had to do to make tomorrow easier… for ME! THEN… she needed help with closing the credit card machine… needed help with the 1412 AND the close-out reports. SHE NEEDED HELP!!! Only to give e a better start on tomorrow, I GAVE THE HELP! ONLY TO MAKE MY DAY EASIER!!! Ah… then she hands me a notice: yesterday’s REG arrived with the seal opened. Tough shit, really. It went out… SEALED. Too bad… for them. – As she closed, I mentioned not being there at the end of my current assignment. She coldly looked at me and asked “What makes you say that? Don’t you want to be re-newed?” I told her the “I wasn’t supposed to be hired here in the first place and I know that there are some terribly un-happy people now because I was hired.” She admitted “I’ve heard some talk.” I let it drop. Fuck the lot of them. Truly… just fuck them all. She too, plays me for being stupid. I don’t care. Anyway, I got her shit together and as she chatted on the phone about needing to go home and have a beer, I finished HER day’s work. But about 16.45 I left. – When I came in, there was chit-chat in the kitchen… her ladyshit actually got up from the sofa, waddled into the kitchen, pulled a chair for me and proceeded to sit at table, as if holding court. I vented, HRM gave personal opinion and advice… none of which makes one bit of sense or use. – I came up to the room for my Ramen noodles, a smoke and a brief but refreshing shower… and then… guzzled the beer… the Bleu. – As I enjoyed (right… enjoyed… guzzling and with-out the pleasure of having a smoke with it) the beer, I browsed for the pens. I now have 3$ and change out of the 50$ but I have TWO PENS AND TWO PKGS OF CARTRIDGES EN ROUTE! I’VE FINALLY BOUGHT SOMETHING FOR *ME*!!!! – Went down for a smoke and more chat with Bobo and her ladyshit and when I came back up… had 2 aspirin and a peppermint tea. – Ah… tomorrow should be interesting at the office but one thing I certainly do must say: at least I’m still in enough smokes so that I don’t have to get on the bike after and head out to the roads. YAY! – Posted a quick note to Viv on the Skype… no words from her again. Oh well… And now… it’s later than I’m comfortable with but enough time to rest… I’ll probably need to be awake and ready in the morning. – Closing thought: FUCK THE SHIT OF THIS DAY! FUCK THESE PEOPLE! FUCK THE WORLD!!! FUCK THEM ALL! I LOOK SO FORWARD TO WHEN IT’S ALL DONE, FINISHED, OVER AND GONE. – BUT… I DID WHAT I COULD WITH-OUT THANKS… AND… I HAVE PENS COMING! I’LL BE ABLE TO ENJOY WRITING AGAIN! FUCK ALL THE REST. Sat.13.Sep: 6.12 I do NOT want to go to that office this morning. I do NOT. – I’m annoyed and angry with me for helping yesterday. But, I keep thinking: If you see something that needs to be done and you can do it… do it… not for the thanks… there are no thanks… just do it… and move on. – There haven’t been many “fires” in the back this Summer. Because *I* didn’t suggest them. If *I* had said “Let’s have a fire.”, they would have rushed for the bags and bottles, toddled right out to the yard, set up the chairs and parked fat arses round about… waiting for me to build and maintain. But, because *they* had to do so… there haven’t been many fires this Summer. – And her ladyshit’s statement of yesterday: If I were you, I’d apply for all the jobs at Med Associates, and when it came right to the end, tell them (the PO) to go fuck themselves. – Yes, indeed. Bobo’s already told Med Ass that I’m a slouch. Just what I want to do: work in a group that has already pre-judged me, thinking I’m worthless. Yes, indeed. Why bother moving to ANOTHER job where I’ll face the same shit… at less salary per hour? AND… have to ride to and from with the one who started the shit in the first place? AND… as I thought yesterday: What if Ms. Bobo decides to throw a “vertigo” tantrum? No ride to or from work and, in the middle of Winter, I find myself of a bicycle on the ice-covered roads? Ah hah!!! NOT! – 17.52 Just up from a 3 hour nap!!!! It was a horrid, HORRID day at the office!!! There was paper-work all over the desk that I hadn’t noticed Rachel leaving behind last evening. Then, the computer was slow. People were coming in as I was sorting the mail so that slowed me down. And JUST as I’d finished the casing, and JUST before I got to flip the little “sign” in the lobby, MYOTT comes in with some other fellow and yells “10:00 o’clock and the goddamned mail isn’t delivered!” and something about “bullshit” and walks out with-out even getting to the box and checking. We’re out of green bags. We’re almost out of small trays and covers. I’m almost out of postage. Then I get caught-up and there’s international mail to be done and somebody wants “Signature Confirmation” on a Priority parcel and we don’t have the forms for that. Honestly? It was HELL! I no sooner get to where I was up to the moment with the closing reports and the fucking computer loses connectivity in the rain! SO…. I did all that I could and waited until noon and decided to leave a note and leave the office. FUCKIT all. – 19.41 JUST getting back from the office. C.Shdrk rang (and the phone ring works! YAY!) Te reports didn’t go through and Jren rang her at home. Imagine that. Tough shit. BUT… going back in there DID give me the opportunity to put through ALL the reports I needed to finish the day and so… THERE ARE MORE HOURS ON THE TIME CARD!! FUKKITALL! – (But it’s 16° in here and I’m cold and it’s raining and the fucking cold begins… I WILL get a heater for this place this year!) – SO where was I before the interruption…. ah yes… I stopped at the lirbary to tell them that there was nothing more for them in today’s mail and TOOK OUT “THE BOOK THIEF” and so, I HOPE I’ll have time to READ before sleep again! Kathleen, Sallie and I put down “bets” for the first day of “measurable snow”. I’m going for CadTksgvng, Sallie’s round Halloween and Kathleen is first week in November. We shall see… indeed. Today it actually smells like Winter! I do NOT like this at all. What a change: over the years, Winter was stability and peace and calm. Now it’s COLD and PAIN, and limited travel. And, I hate that. – So… I come into the house to find John here visiting and, as usual, on his way out. Honestly, I wonder. Not that I give a shit, but I wonder why he’s on his way out when I come in. Oh well… It was already just past noon anyway so… I came up to the room.. cold room… damp room, started to enter something on here and got SO TIRED I needed a nap… at about 14.00. – The rest I’ve already covered so, back to now… When I woke from my “nap”, they were returning from grocery shopping and went right into cooking. I went for a smoke and up to the room and the phone rang… So, on with the shoes back out in the rain to the … and now? All’s well. – Just checked the Skype… no word. Well, OK then. I just hope she’s not in the midst of a row. AND I hope she’s sage, dry, warm and sound. – Sun.14.Sep: 0.06 Well… in bed, warmer on, peppermint tea at bed-side. They’re all getting drunk. Jester’s playing the “Pity Me” card with the depression bullshit and I’m fed up with that shit. So… I wasn’t invited to have a drink. I did hear all about how Bobo is so concerned about her ladyshit not doing anything to make life better. The whole thing just make me sick they way they play on each-other’s bull-shit. I’m better off in the room… freezing in the dampness. So, a bit of browsing, some hot tea and cut this night off! That nap is keeping me going… I’d rather be asleep. PS: I snuck up to the room when I had to hear the “You need to go sit down. I’ll make you another drink and we’ll all go sit in the living-room and watch some TV.” Fuuuuuck/ – 7.21 Why does it take my breath, simply going down to smoke in the morning and coming back up the stairs? And why does it take my breath, simply coming up the stairs? – Why did I wake this morning, heavy… body and head? – Why did I wake this morning? – Why does some young git in a Homeless shelter some-where, open a GFM crowd-funder and make over 1000$ in one day and I ask for help and make 70$ in almost a year? – Why do others ask for help and the world turns out, and I ask for help and … alone… I’m alone? – I shouldn’t care. But I do. But I can’t. I mustn’t. Simply: look to the day, to the moment, when this is all finished, this time here in this thing called “life”. Look forward to when it’s no longer. THAT much, I can, must and do. -The house is calm. They’re in alcohol sleep this morning, and the way I feel right now, I’m rather glad that I didn’t drink with them last night. I feel like horrid shit. I would have felt worse, had I shared in their drunk-fest last night. And, chances are, I’d’ve said things that are better not said. There’s no sense to saying. There’s nothing to be said. – It’s another over-cast, cold and damp day. I dread this. I’m rather hungry but there’s bread and peanut-butter, PopTarts and tea… a tin of soup and Ramen. My fingers are getting stiff and my breath fogs my glasses when I yawn. I dread… – 20.43 Showered (primarily for the warmth!). In the bed (with the heater on!). And listening to a Pachelbel-type of music that was accidentally discovered today. And it’s so pleasant. – The day is done. I got the lettering on the oars. Had my Ramen for dinner with V8 today. The V8 usually makes me feel better. Probably because my body suddenly gets a burst of vegetable matter! Took Dixie out to the brook for plant water and noticed that the Groat is rushing along whilst the Rock is meandering. I wonder what that’s all about. But Dixie LOVES the run through the grass back there. I MUST make a point of bringing her back there more often. And… words from VIV! She’s found something at a garage sale or something. I wonder when she’ll be back down next. As much as I don’t like to think about it.. .probably when I have money again. I say nothing more on that matter. – In spite of being told yesterday “You should plan on having dinner with us tomorrow.” I was not invited to “dine”. Bobo made potato soup with the potatoes grown out back (I’ve supplied them with food… they’ve supplied me with… a room?) – Other-wise, the day went… and it was COLD and DAMP! I believe the temperature didn’t rise about about 12°. And there are frost warnings for tonight. – The “north” window in the room is closed and the plastic drawn over it. The plants are in the front window. Time to prepare. – Oh… first thing this morning, Bobo and Jester are in the kitchen as I go for a smoke and Jester now has gashed over the right eye! Seems he fell again last night in his drunken stupor. All I said was “Good! Proof… you can’t fix stupid!” and went out for my smoke. Hell! You want sympathy? I’m beginning to think Jester does it because of and for the sympathy. And… the fact that he could sue them. So now he has another card to play against them. And all the while I keep thinking: He believes he’s “in love with” Bobo, whilst Bobo seems to have “feelings” towards him… and her ladyshit is on a roll, waiting for Death to come along and the both of “them” are probably waiting for that moment as well. Meanwhile, Bobo has Jester in the house, Jester is living with the “intended”. I find it all disgusting. But… it’s all none of my business… just so long as I don’t find myself in a court room with any of them. – And so… tomorrow, the brunt of something new and rotten in the village. No doubt the brunt of Myott’s comment on Saturday. As if I give a shit. We shall see. I’m planning on going over in the morning… just in case I can lend a hand. As I say, I’ve nothing against Aline… save, my normal and usual cynicism. Besides… I get to gloat. Pay-back is a bitch… Revenge is a mutherfukker. And Karma? I may be a miserable prick, I might even be rotten to the core. But I’m certainly NOT “evil”. I don’t worry… I don’t give a shit. – Will finish my PopTarts and tea and get me to sleep (I hope). Tomorrow? If I should die before I wake… what a wonderful world… a wonderful, wonderful world.
Mon.15.Sep: 6.03 Thought of this morning: I have a room. I have 4 walls, ceiling and floor. The space that has been confined by the structure is hot in Summer and cold in Winter. But it’s dry in times of rain, protected in times of snows, calm in times of strong winds. I have a bed on which to sleep, and a chair on which to sit and rest. Obviously I have just enough food to keep me alive so that I might provide service and assistance to those who cannot or will not provide those things for themselves. And yet, I am judged, by some, to be of less or no value to the life and existence of others. Judged and appraised according to standards, ideas and ideals that are neither my own, nor of others, for there are others who find my existence to be beneficial. And one day, those who judge and appraise me, those who benefit from any service and assistance that I provide, just as I, will, all of us, each and every one of us, will cease to exist, will be dead, will become nothing other than “remains”, and the appraisal, the judgement of all others will cease, and will, just as that which comprised what we knew as “us” will be of absolutely no use, no value to any one else. And over time, even the memory of our once having existed any-where, will cease and, for all intent and purpose, we will have never “been” at all. I have all that I truly “need” for this time. And for that I am grateful, and I am happy. For some reason, I woke this morning, quite refreshed and almost ready to begin the day at about 3.00. I got to sleep at about 22.00 last night, after tea and PopTarts. But when I looked at the clock and saw that it was only about 3.00, I rolled back over and went back to sleep until the 5.35 alarm sounded. I mean, really: what was I going to do at 3.00/? And now, I’ve had my coffee and morning smoke. I’m considering going over to the PO at about 7.45 or 8.00 just in case I can help Aline, to make her morning a bit easier, if she’ll allow me to give her that much. (If not? Hey! No harm in trying and offering and being available.) – My jaw, teeth and head are a bit painful this morning. Sinuses are bothering me as well. It’s another cold morning, but the sun seems to be coming up over the hills across the road. Hopefully it’ll give a bit of warmth to the day. Hopefully. I’ve enough smokes to take me through this week and into the beginning of next. The “timing” is a bit “off” because they’ll end before I have the chance to get more. But…? Oh well. – And hopefully this Winter will provide and end to all of this. – Morning… another day. Fuck me. – 20.11 One really has to admire those who will sit around on their ever-fattening arses all fucking day, doing absolutely nothing, and then, when people who have to go to work in the morning would like to use the shower… will run, close the door and spend the better part of 90 minutes in the loo. FUCKI! JESTER? You’re just asking for shit and shit is what I’ll let you have! – Well… this has been quite a rather interesting day. I went to get my mail this morning and poor Aline was all in a tizzy because there are no “green bags” and other things. She couldn’t get my stock that I need rather much now that I’ll be working the week-days. and of course, there were things wrong… not that I give a shit any longer. Then, this after-noon, I receive a phone call from Rachel asking me to cover the office for a few days in October because she’ll have to be in HER office… ah… AH… AH…. seems she IS taking this one! BUT… NOBODY WILL ADMIT TO IT! FUCK ME! FUCK THEM! FUCK IT ALL! – So.. I went to the barn and got the roll of heavy brown paper and papered the North wall in the room. Partly to hide the flower wall paper and partly to add a bit of a layer of insulation. It didn’t turn out well, but it didn’t turn out too badly either. It’s brown. It’s done. It’s there. – I moved the furniture to the “Winter” positions: the chest of drawers on the North wall for added insulation,and the desk to the South again. It’s a change. – And now, my water for tea is boiled and so is my mood. I won’t be able to get to the much-needed shower until 21.00 which is when I’d like to have been IN BED! – At least, at last, the room is Hoovered. It’s a bit cleaner again. Not so clean that I feel “comfortable” in it, but as good as it gets here. I need to go! – 21.56 and JUST getting out of the shower and into the bed!!! AND… the shower? Covered with soap scum! I’d stepped out the door at 21.30, thinking that should have been a good enough time to jump in for a quick cleanse… JESTER BACK IN THERE!!! AND… LEFT HAIR IN THE DRAIN! TOTAL FUKTARD, THAT ONE! Well, I suppose, considering: her ladyshit bitches about taking that thing to the doctor all the time and now won’t. It occurred to me today: B&L and MARRIED and this little tart is now in the house and “their responsibility” AND Bobo’s little piece of “stuff”! Shit! I wouldn’t bring it any-where, save, perhaps, back from whence it came. Alas… – Well, the day is done and tomorrow? BULLSHIT at the PO Coral! – Oh… message from VIV today on the Skype. She took the day off! Good for her! (I wonder when I’ll be seeing her again… SOON… I hope.) Tue.16.Sep: 5.57 Just up from a smoke and her ladyshit is awake, already ensconced in the parlour. Seems Bobo over-slept this morn. Alas. And me? Head-ache and, for the 2nd consecutive day, a lump in the stomach and the feeling of needing to burp and/or vomit. Ulcer? Or… what-ever. And I do NOT look forward to the rest of this day at the office. – But the papered wall is rather nice to wake to. Had I enough tacks, I might do the Eastern wall as well. I don’t quite yet know. I don’t quite yet give a shit. – Looking forward to shutting the PO down. Don’t much give a shit about that either. Oh well… another day begins. And… it’s raining. There’s something un-settling about going to the PO… in the rain. Gee… I wonder what that could be. (Oh! just to vomit all of this shit up and out.) – 11.49 Back at the house and feeling like General Schit! The brown paper on the wall makes the room brighter, in spite of the clouds and drizzle. But the room is STILL COLD! Oh well… WTF does one expect? Eh? And having the last of the peanut-butter with the rolls that I had here. And Bobo’s here. Gee… must be nice to be able to take time off. I could. I should. – Put all my papers together at the office this morning. Put notes together for Rachel… the notes that Aline left for me all along. AND… she (Aline) actually had the audacity to leave a note in the Carriers’ hours book asking ME to tally the hours! FTS! Not doing. Tough shit. The postal rates changed yesterday. She left the new rates list but nothing about the “Zones”. I had to “Ggl” that! Fucking incomplete info. Also had to phone Rachel to ask for a “green bag”. Imagine that! Ca ce peut tu! FTS too! – But, am eating, having a tea. Probably a nap. Nothing much more to do with this time, considering the rain. – Oh, I mentioned to Cecil that there’s to be a change in the office and told him about my own situation. Let the rumours FLY! And I’m sure they will. – 20.03 In bed. Not showered. Don’t want to hear about using too much water. But… it’s fine. – Went back to the office at 19.00. The “disc scan” showed no troubles… of course. Well! Of course it did! I’m quite willing to bet all I’ve left in the world that it’s their servers. But, I’m the arse and that’s that. Still… I GOT ALL OF MY PAPER-WORK DONE! YAY! Reports and financials and all! And I’m ready to call it a day and a night and forget about it all. – It was a philosophical sort of day. A chat with Cecil. A chat with Deb at the store. At the office, I gathered all of MY notes and papers and the binder and put the rest aside, neatly, for Rachel’s reference. When to computer went down, I rang Cindy at about 16.30-something and we chatted about that. I understand a bit more why there’s so much pressure on the evening reports: she has to stay to verify them all… 5 offices! She caught my attention when she said that she’s so very much over budget… becasue of how late she has to stay.. Ah… so SHE’S getting paid to stay late? AND… she said that she’s aware that I’ve stayed late and not put it on my time card. AH HAH!!! Shit attracts flies and the flies are all a-buzz with the gossip. So? I put in ALL of my hours for Saturday AND today. But when I rang her back to say that I got a ticket in on the PC with IT Help… she was SO enthusiastic and supportive! Well. Let them know how much I can and will do… and then? “Goombye” and “Syonarrie”. Good fucking luck finding anybody else who’ll take your shit. – But tonight… MY work is DONE. – Now, just finishing another 6 glazed donuts and some peppermint tea and it will shortly be “lights’out” for me. – Stuff this day back up the back-side of whom-so-ever created it. I am TOO THROOO! Wed.17.Sep: Thu.18.Sep: 6.31 And the white wash is in. And I’m feeling generally awful again this morning. Stomach is “off”. Sinuses are “off”. My left arm and hand are painful. And a new day of clouds begins. BUT… it’s not cold. So I’m not going to bitch too much this morning. So there. – And all the reports and shit are done for yesterday. But now, I need to find something to occupy the day. Perhaps finish the oars. Perhaps begin another “woodie” (post-card). Write to Moe and Ev? With the new pen? Life… how I hate it… truly. – 9.26 Laundry’s done. Now… on with the day… what-ever that means. Still cold, cloudy and damp. Oh well… A day of forced relaxation. No prob… I suppose. – 22.30 And in bed again, at last. – It was a day of sleeping, mostly, and SocMed. It was also a day of enlightenment. Rachel will be taking the office Wednesday, next, as OIC. She will also be taking the PSE test. Aline is aware of all of the procedures that Rachel refuses to follow and told me to expect a lot of difficulties in the coming weeks because, primarily, that Rachel will, most likely, not be doing all of the financials during the week, which will mean that I won’t be able to balance on Saturdays. The Postal Service is making an exception with this office in keeping two PSEs running the office, and that the posting for the position on-line was never made “official” in the office here because Aline is supposed to receive a copy to post on the premises. The suspicion is that the posting for the position was made so that Rachel alone can apply for it. My question as to what happens if she doesn’t get the PSE job as posted. For the answer to that, I went to the website on Fedsoup and posted. The answer will be interesting. – Meanwhile, when I mentioned it to L. the reply was “I’d just leave and tell them to fuck off.” Indeed… which would leave me with NO job instead of a job that I actually enjoy, but don’t like the politics. Well… there’s just no fixing… etc. – But tonight, L. and I sat together alone in the parlour, watching “Sleepy Hollow”.. the last episode of last season. It was a delight to do so… watch the show. The next episode begins this Monday coming. Imagine… the Summer truly IS over. – The Météomedia site showed SNOW in the Gaspé! And there are hard frost warnings for tonight. And I am dreading another Winter of freezing half to death in this room. – I wonder: have I been cursed? With “Life”? Cursed so that I’ll just linger on and on and on? And if so, what is the reason? This truly is a curse. I hate… HATE this thing called “life”. But that’s the way it goes, in this “Creation”: those who love life have it snatched… those who hate it, linger. – Peppermint tea time now. I’ve finished another 6 jelly donuts so I’m loaded with empty calories for the night. And tomorrow? More shit to come. – I was hoping to have taken a shower before bed tonight, but… I don’t really care, much. Fri.19.Sep: 6.01 I woke feeling OK. Took my vitC, made coffee, went for a smoke. EVER so crisp out there this morning. The cold has arrived. On the way back into Sat.20.Sep: 5.59 THE WIND! Just up form a smoke and thinking: What would I do this morning if I had to bike any distance to work? Well, the reply was simple: I did it before because I had no choice, I’d do it again. And this morning, the anxieties of the end of this assignment return… again. November… some time in November I have to take the 5 days away. November. How lovely. I need a car. I need the license. I need to get the actual fuck out of here and move along… NOW. – Another morning. Life… to some, a blessing… to others… a curse. I’ve had more than enough. – 12.34 I left at 12.15…. the 1412’s not done. I don’t care. The AM/PM reports: Highgate had the correct times of certification. I had WRONG hour for AM and NOT DONE for PM. This place is a shit-hole! I don’t care. – (Well…it’s Sunday morning, and I’m caching up again.) Today went… just went. Nice enough weather. Work went quite well too. The woman who’d come in to do some sort of “count” was pleasant. She commented “It’s nice that you talk to each-other. I’ve been in offices where nobody talks to anybody else. They just come in, do their work.” She referred to Sue and I. Anyway, she was in, did her “thing” and was out and the office went back to “normal”. I had time to take in the meagre new stock that Aline had left and do a count… 80 OVER!!! I don’t understand how that’s humanly possible and I don’t like it. I mean… 80? Somebody’s putting something into the till and I’ve a gut feeling it’s a plant of some kind. But, I did an adjustment to bring it down to ,67 again. We shall see. – All went well enough until the end when my reports were due, as usual. My verifications showed none of my closing. I rang Highgate, told “Lisa” who checked her reports. THEY showed, not only had the reports run, but at different times! GOOD! Now at least, it’s known. But when I tried to get the 1412 done, it wouldn’t run! So I stayed until 12.15 and left… the reports not done. – Came back to the house and touched-up the oars to finish them and to put a quick coat of fixative on. They are officially “done”! They don’t look half bad at all! Now to try and figure a way to get rid of them… with and income! – When I went down-stairs to show them off, the house was empty. The trio had left… off to some party in Jeffersonville. (When I came in from work, Bobo asked me if I wanted to go with. I, of course, declined. But he was setting up the GPS to get there! Imagine! Jeffersonville… it’s the intersection of the 15 and the 108, just out-side of Cambridge! I KNEW where it is, but never mind that. GPS it was… SOME people… You can’t fix stupid.) I had the house ALONE! – What did I use the time for? Rummaging through Tmblr… I wanted to nap, but didn’t want to nap. I wanted to go frolic out-side but, as it turned out, I took advantage of my solitude and “frolicked” IN the room! TWICE! jolly good for me!!! Bopped next door to the market, got some cheese and donuts and another tin of soup, came back, put the cheese with the last of the “Big Cup” noodles and ate… call it “meal”. Rinsed out a bunch of containers and by 19.00 was in for a delightful shower. – Settled in to watch a few clips of “QI” which led, some-how to Eddie Izzard. All said, it was a delight to laugh… and to smile at the very least. – It was round about 21.00 when I looked at the clock and decided to get food for the animals and, just as I got up to do, they returned, with their accounts of the party and how “You really should have come with us.” bull-shit. Again though, as I tried to engage in dialogue with them, they had the say, and I was cut off. The rudest, most inconsiderate bunch. So I simply walked away, came back up to the room, finished a couple more clips of Eddie, had my tea and finished the donuts and by about 22.30… the day was done. – No word from Viv still… and I did little SocMed, save the Tmblr. But… the day… closed. Oh… and the 1412? Still not done… and I still don’t give a shit.
Sun.21.Sep: 7.23 Hot morning with warm winds. Just up form the smoke and… in spite of the sun-rise, and the warmth, feeling the urge to RUN! – 12.39 Hot day out there. John’s here. And the clouds are rolling in. There goes the sun-shine… oh well… Good thing I didn’t head out on the bike! But will head to the PO to run the financials… in a little while. Right now? Hungry… and nothing here to eat except cheese. And my stomach’s off. – Found bunches of covered bridges for more wood-cards. OK then. – 22.07 A sorry sort of warm day with lots of wind. – At about 15.30 I went over to the PO to print the 1412’s. The system wouldn’t let me create a new one for Saturday so I printed what was there… for the files, and left a post-it note letting Aline know that I was there and did them. We’ll see what kind of trouble I get into now… the road to Hell and all. – Cheese for meals today. Nothing more in the place. And no sweets before bed… although, L. offered mini Peppermint Patties so I had 3 of those. That should be OK.. .especially with my peppermint tea that’s steeping as I type. – I began another wood post card… covered bridge… matter of fact, a duplicate of the first one I painted in water-colour! I don’t know that I even have that water-colour any more. I’m SO fucking BITTER about all the losses. Just SO consumed by and with the bitterness. I’ve truly had more than my share and just about more than I can take any more. Hate… Bitterness. Just that and nothing more. I need to leave it… leave it out of VT. I came here to get away from it. Nancy shoved it back into my face just as I was getting over the bitch shit from Cyndi. Honestly. I’ve have enough… ENOUGH. – Winter’s coming… Hopefully this one, and not another… – I could use a light shower tonight but won’t. Tomorrow, maybe, I can get to the bed linens and wash. There’s suppose to be some really nice days this week. One of them will be in Bedford. By Thursday I’ll need smokes anyway. I also need to get to the DMV! Will have to check on that for this week coming. If I have to go to St.A…. so be it. Mon.22.Sep: 7.09 And… another day. SHIT! – Still on the warm side. This room is warm so it has to be on the “warm” side. But cloudy. Wet. Windy. And again, this morning’s smoke took my breath away. I’m running down… at last. – Wood cards on the agenda. Thinking I need a little desk lampe. Ikea. Right. As if I’ll ever get to one of them again… in this life-time. Too much to “think” about… no time… no energy… no way. – 13.45 Break from painting. Stopped at the PO at about 11.20. All was “well”… but CS is putting the screws to Aline and now wants her to count tomorrow!! I’ve never understood how they, in the PO, can be so spiteful all the time. But, I’m learning, and I don’t give a shit. My count is good. Fuck the rest of them. Anyway, there wasn’t much chat and I returned to the house. Then… to the market: potted meat (ICK!), cookies and such for later and a bag of curds. I don’t need any more cheese though. Today’s shit proved that. – I’ve finished the Sturbridge bridge today. Not “thrilled” with it, but it’s not bad… considering. And I’ve begun the next (and last?) 2 cards that were cut. I hope there’s more panelling in the barn that can be rescued. If not? I don’t know. I’ll find something. – It’s chilly out there today. Warm in this room, oddly. But chilly and grey out-side. And I want a nap but if I take one now, I’ll never get to sleep tonight. We’ll see what’s to happen. I’m just TIRED! – 22.35 A day of painting. I got the Sturbridge done and started the last 2 of this set of 5. I have to be careful though because I’m noticing that the “pressure efforts” are showing… the quality is… meh, as they say. Putting the fixative on the finished one killed the reflections in the water, and the wood is much too dark. But I’m leaving it as it is. Also noted: I’m using the acrylics as water-colours. No thick layers and the wood grain shows through. Selling point? I should think so. Soon, I’ll put them out there, some-where, for sale… with the oars. – Earlier this evening, Bobo put up a railing on the back porch… half of it anyway. But that’s the rule: half of every job. As he and L. worked along, Dixie and I played with the frizbee. She does have a bit of a lump on her belly… I hope with my all that it’s nothing serious. Tonight, when I went out for my smoke, she didn’t come along. She slept on the back of the sofa in the parlour. I worry… She’s a wonderful creature… just a wonderful creature. May nothing terrible come to her… ever. – This evening was “TV” (the geese are on the road again tonight… a car came by and they’re all chattering out there) “Sleepy Hollow” for the most part. And then, part of the local news. Much talk about NY… I’m rather home-sick for the state. I’ve been feeling trapped here of late. Not loving it much at all, at all. – I’m down to the last 2 packs of smokes now. These should have been done by tomorrow, but as it is, they should take me through Friday. So there’s a trip HOME in the week…. as well as Wednesday… to the DMV in St.A. I’m afraid. Oh well.. it has to be done. At least the funds are already here for that much. – Well… 22.44, tea and cookies and then to sleep. Tomorrow? Painting I should think. It’s to be chilly again, but during the week… up to 24° last I looked. “Indian Summer”… this early. Friday is Rosh Hashannah. Imagine that. – 22.57 Skype from VIV!!!! Figures… I’d miss it tonight. Sent word back. Tue.23.Sep: 7.08 Did it again… went back to sleep after the alarm. Oh well. Over-cast again this morning anyway. And there’s painting to be done. Fine. – Out of breath again this morning too. Is this the 3rd year of my 5 finals? I wonder. – How can I be “over” on my drawer count? That’s the question of this morning. How does that happen? And for so much? It makes no sense. And I wonder if I’ll be called in to count for the turn-over. But I doubt it. When the office went to Aline, I don’t recall Rachel having to go in to count. But this will all be quite interesting. This morning, there will be drawer counts. If that’s the case, Aline won’t be coming back. This is the end of this good period. And… I’ve got just about 2 months left of work. Things are going to be changing… and I don’t see it as an “improvement”… for me. Well? Here we go … again. – Another day… another day. This must be my own “Purgatory”. If there truly is such a thing… this is it. Or… it’s my Hell. Yes, that’s it. “Life”, as they call it… is “Hell”. – 21.06 In bed SHOWERED!!! I tried to cut my hair today? BOTH bloody fucking clippers died! I didn’t get to finish! It doesn’t look bad. Can’t really tell. But I KNOW the job’s a shit job and I’ll have to finish tomorrow morning before hitting the roads. Ah… my “fucking life”! – Didn’t go to the PO today. Didn’t bother to take the time. Besides. I don’t really want to go over there… and tomorrow? It’ll be interesting to see if Aline is still there. If not, I’ll ring her to wish her best of luck and such. And… I’ll avoid the damned place until Saturday… when, no doubt, I’ll have to do 3 days’ worth of work in order to get mine done. I dread this. But I WILL get paid for the extra time. I most certainly will. – TOMORROW AT SUN-DOWN IS ROSH HASHANNAH! What a delightful way to “observe” it… being exhausted from a truly un-necessary bike ride. (Two cars in the house and one sits out front… wasted.) – A most delightful Skype-chat with VIV this evening! I wonder how much she’s “settled” in the new place. But no matter… it’s a delight being able to communicate with her again. – Oh, and Dixie and I got a game of Frizbee in this evening. She’s so sweet. This after-noon, as I painted (I’m almost finished with the last two “cards”! YAY!) she sat out-side the door crying. And when I went down earlier for a smoke, she was laying on Bobo’s lap and when she saw me, she BOLTED toward me. Sweet little thing. What a true LOVE she is. – Well, I’m about worn to the bone. Tea is steeping and I’ll run a quick check on the socmed and then? SLEEP! No over-sleeping tomorrow. I have to take the garbage out as I leave. – Ah.. and I hear the “ladies” heading up to bed now as well. How charming. NOT! honestly… Jester still trying to make with the impressions on Bobo… makes me ill. – Enough. To rest! Wed.24.Sep: 6.34 The garbage is out. I am awake. And I am tired! NOT looking forward to this trip into town this morning at all. Tired. Tired of it all. Just tired. And a little on the achy side. But, as it is with all in my life… as it is will all…. no help… no help at all. – 18.08 and I am licensed for another 4 years. In Richford. And not “privileged”… “licensed”. I left the house at about 11.00, stopped at the PO to check the mail (and snoop, of course). Well… Rachel is “installed”. It’s over and done. And she’s already making changes to the office-proper. She took the PSE test. Hasn’t gotten her grade (which is available on-line but I didn’t bother to tell her). She’s no responsible for Sheldon… Creek and Springs AND Fuklin! Imagine THAT! GOOD! Let her handle it. That’s what she wants? That’s what she gets. And as L. and I agree: I will NOT be helping her out of any binds. SO… that said… I was out of the PO by 11.30 and on the road… and a new way today: Browns Corners to the Durkee and… in spite of the Durkee being dirt, it was a MUCH better ride! MUCH! AND… I signed-in at DMV at 13.25! Took my time too! But, by the time I got there, I was a mess! Sweat all over me, in my eyes. My brain wanted to shut down. I must have looked like shit (although, the photo on the new license looks quite nice with colour … sun … but SO THIN in the face!). The young gal took the form that I’d gotten in the postes. I hadn’t even bothered to complete it so had to do when I arrived. She asked for the birth certificate and socsec card and that was it. To think I’d gone through all the trouble with a lease and certified mail for address and didn’t need it. Me… dumbass. I noted though: old man, couldn’t see, she read the questions on the form and he answered as she completed the form. He can’t see but… he’s getting a driver’s license! Imagine that! Life… a fuck. – Well, the question and answer period was a snap, then came the time for the photo. Click. Done. Brief moments later, I had the new license and was on the road again. QUICK! AND… it’s the license… and I’m still attached to Richford! – SO… all that anxiety for a brief 30 minutes. Imagine that! – At the end of the road, I stood to have a smoke in the shade of a tree and as I stood along-side the 104 watching for the passing traffic…. Bobo drives by! Sees me! Waves! And keeps right on going! Didn’t even slow down! Didn’t even bother to ask if I’d like a lift! Ugliness… all in a package. I swear: these 3 in this house are teaching me how to be completely inconsiderate and, what I view as being purely “Evil”. I pray that it be returned… Not even so much as to ASK if I’d like a lift. OK then… Fate will afford the opportunity to return the “kindness”, as it always has in the past. – The ride back wasn’t too bad. I do wish the Durkee wasn’t dirt. But the ride itself IS much better than the Hanna and such. Still on a bit of incline on the return, but none of those multiple hills to climb. – When I got back into the house, Jester was in the kitchen and the house was quiet. When the dogs barked at my arrival, Jester was pissed by it. I commented about Bobo having left work early. “He’s not feeling well again. He’s got one of them head-aches.” and he kept talking about it. I shut down, stopped listening and simply said “Ca ce peut tu!” (a delightful way of saying “Fuckall!” with-out the repercussions). I simply left the room and came up-stairs. – Well, whilst in St.A. I hit Hannaford’s anyway and managed to get a box of PoopTurds, coffee, creamer, 4 packs of Ramen and peppermint tea AND a package of franks! SO… this evening, dinner is franks and Ramen! Still, I’m wiped out from the trip today, in spite of feeling better about having accomplished what I’d needed to do and having it done. And I need a shower. My right thigh is PAINFUL! TOO MUCH PUSHING TO SOON AFTER HAVING NOT PEDALLED FOR A WHILE. 4 aspirin and the hope they kill the pain. – Thanks, shit-head, for the offer of a lift… NOT! – 22.24 Just before showering, I’d popped a message to Viv in the Skype, and, not planning on her being there, went about the shower, a smoke and such and, of course.. whilst I was away… she came back!!! But, by the time I’d noticed, she was already signed-off again. Oh well. I’m exhausted anyway and it’s MUCH later than I thought I’d be awake. – That fucking red truck is outside the window again tonight… radio blaring… boom-boom-boom… FUCK! It’s like “Ghetto-slum” living here! This shit! – Well, 23.00 and to bed at last! I’m tired. I’m PAINFUL! And this, another fucking day, is done. Tomorrow? HOPEfully I’ll be able to make the trip HOME for some smokes. I could leave that for Friday, but on Friday I’d like to get to the CU. There should be a deposit made for a reasonable pay and I don’t want to leave that money in there… lest it be taken by… who knows? A delightful way to exist: working for… nothing… and worried that somebody will be snatching it away. FUCK ME! Thu.25.Sep: Fri.26.Sep: 6.17 Happy Birthday Joyce! Imagine? After all these years… I still remember. – So much for the “leave at 7” plan. It’s still rather darkish out there, cool and damp. Ah, but what’s to come when this “Indian Summer” is done? And being stuck on these mornings because of snow and ice? I don’t want to think. – And, had I not gone bat-shit crazy, today there would have been 1G toward the car. But I can’t give a shit anymore. It’s done. – There’s something terribly wrong about planning a trip that would normally take about an hour… and having to put the entire day aside. 4 hours minimum just to get to the CU and back, when, in a car, it might be all of an hour round trip total. Wrong. Very so very wrong. I’m hating this again. – Rudely awakened this morning by the sound of somebody’s fucking radio in their car. And I’m hating that as well. The radio at night before sleep. The radio in the morning. It bothered me in The City. It pisses me off here. No peace. No peace. No peace. – So much for the morning. – I didn’t shower yesterday morning before taking off for HOME. I didn’t shower last night before getting to bed. No shower this morning before leaving (I’m not planning on one). Ick. I suppose. Who cares? Why care? Why care about anything at all? Really. – Yesterday, I got smacked directly in the right eye by a bug of some kind as I was coasting down the Morses Line rd. This morning, it’s giving me a bit of pain. Oh well. I can see, I can walk. I can pedal a bike. I can get the actual fuck out of here today. – Ca ce peut tu! THREE YEARS… well, well, well. But the 112-22 blog is still up, running and in the order it was as I left it. Still searchable. What “inspired” me to look is the following message that I noticed at the 718-530 telephone number:
Imagine that… imagine THAT! About 5 years later and out of the no-where… this. I have a very strong gut feeling that it’s Denise. Why? Why do people not let things go? It’s almost as bad as me not letting shit go. But with one grand difference: there are messages that I would truly enjoy leaving about, ALL about, for the likes of Cyndi, Nancy, Liz… sometimes Schmulik, sometimes the others who’ve screwed me right to the stone. But I don’t. I think about it, I ponder it, I consider it… but I don’t bother. I just remain bitter… BITTER TO THE CORE… to the marrow. But I keep it to myself… save for here. But the blog is still up, running, accessible. The entire account of all the bull-shit. The one thing that makes me even more bitter is that I have no records of the fact that when I left, Noah got all of his money… and I had a hand-written note/receipt that I wanted to keep… for as long as I breathe. But, Nancy took care of that. As I travelled today I thought: KUNT! And I kept pedalling along the road. – Anyway, here we have the message and I could, if “inspired”, report it. But I won’t bother. – 19.43 FINALLY taking a breath! It’s been quite the day! (And now I’m waiting for those who do nothing, go no-where, have little-to-no relative value on Earth, to get on with their ablutions and such. I finished the 4th and 5th painting… “card”, and when I went out to rinse the water dish for the paints, her ladyshit was putting on some under-shorts, standing there at the open door so-doing, and Bobo was in the shower. So? I went for a smoke. I need to take a shit as well. But… I’ll wait. No sense giving folks more to chat idly about in town. – But what a day!… By 9.30 I was out the door… Bobo at work, the other 2 sound asleep as usual. I grabbed the bike and made a stop at the PO to get my statement because I saw how much I made but I wanted to know how many hours I was given. (As it turns out: All of the hours I’d put on the time card! No more… no less. Not bad.) Chatted a bit with Rachel who’s making all sorts of changes to the office… most for the better. She’s taking an active interest in the place. (Shame though… I’ve no interest in that place and, in spite of the fact that it’ll mean no job for me, I don’t care if the revenue is up or down, don’t give a shit if the PO wants to close it. Just don’t give a shit about much at all where it’s concerned.) And so, by about 10.00 I was OUT and ON THE ROAD! Browns Corners, Durkee and the rest. *** On the Morey rd…. JUST before Broussard… BOBO! Tearing along, toot-toot… en route back to the house! Fuck! It couldn’t have been but about 11.00 or so and there! Toot-toot and a wave. Shit! I can’t help but think: How lovely for him, being able to go to a doctor when he doesn’t feel well, whine about “head-ache” and “vertigo” and toddle back to the house… and get paid! Just like the other 2: sit on their ever-fattening arses all fucking-bloody day, doing nothing but stare at the TV, whine about having to get up to fix dinner (but never whining about getting up to graze themselves) and wait for the income to be posted to an account… they don’t even have to leave the house to get their money! SHIT! And me? Pedalling, the 3rd day in a row, in the sun, heat, road dust and such. And yet? They’ve SO much to say (negative) about ME! Well… again… I hope for “Karma” and many face-slams. And I’d like them to begin soon… it would make me feel a bit better. I shall hope and keep that little prayer in my heart… as it beats. – OK… next? On the Bushey, just after crossing Woods Hill, THREE fire trucks came by and… waiting until they were right on me, SIRENS! I wanted SO much to lob rocks! Fucktards! What a trip! – At the CU… a new teller… LATINA! Accent and the whole shit. I wanted to scream! I moved up here to get away from that shit! I do NOT like the sound of the accent. And I didn’t appreciate it when I was trying to find the little case with my account number in it and the moron says “Do you have a piece of ID?” Fuck you, moron! What the fuck do you think I’m looking for? So… I simply handed her the card with the number on it and told her the denominations I wanted. Nothing “sweet”. Just matter of fact. I was annoyed, to put it lightly. But the transaction went along swiftly and soon, I was back out on the bike, trying to decide if there was anything else I wanted to accomplish there in St.Allbeans. Decided… no, nothing, and headed back to the house. I wasn’t feeling very well anyway. A bit hungry and all I had with was a bottle of water. – Along the route back I looked for an apple tree. Found several. Most of the apples looked like HELL! The ONE tree, on the Durkee, that had OK apples was behind a wire! So… I got nothing! On a day when I could have used at least 2 small apples. And the HEAT! It was chilly when I’d left.. it was MISERABLE by this time. AND… along the Durkee, a car passed, kicking up all sorts of dust! In the eyes, on the face, clothes, hair. Just what I needed (even now I feel like shit because of no shower for 2 days now… and 2 trips on the road… and all the filth that’s on me but… fuck me). – WELL! I was back at the house by 14.00! WOAH! Great timing, that! I made a pit stop at the market. All I wanted was ice cream… so I went in, grabbed 2 sandwiches and at the cash… Sue… 1,89$ EACH! I almost dropped to the floor! When I asked “1.89$ each?” she confirmed. I brought them back to the cooler. She called “The smaller ones are 89 cents.” I waved the whole ordeal off. Imagine! 2$ for shitty ice cream sandwiches! (I only have about 10$ for food until the 1st of Oct. as it is!) – So, tied, aching, hot, sweaty, gritty, I come round the back of the “garage” to find… Bobo and Jester painting the back porch! Apparently, Bobo got the paint at Walmarde… 10$ the gallon! (For somebody who has no money… and I over-heard her ladytshit whining about THAT very thing today as well… tough shit… learn how to live with-in your means… and appreciate the work that others do… not to mention: I now know that the pet food as well as the house food is paid by Jester… along with the television and ALL of their phones! How “gracious”… Jackass!) (*Harmonium on the radio!!!! Ou est aller tout ce monde qui avais q’q’chose… What I wouldn’t give to be back in those days! BUT… VIV’S BACK IN MY ‘LIFE’ AND I’M QUITE HAPPY ABOUT THAT!) Where was I? So… I had a smoke, sat on the swing and waited for an opportunity to get into the house… Of course I did. Wouldn’t dream of being “pushy” about it. – Once in… I almost crawled up to the room where I sat and had… almost a quarter of the mug of sugar and 4 spoons of instant coffee in water. I NEEDED something in my system! FAST! And that was all I had at the moment… and to have a little something with? PopTarts. After which I sat to try to get back to the paintings.. .but couldn’t keep my eyes open for some reason… so I went for a lie-down… 14.30-15.30! DEEP sleep! Passed the fuck out, as it were. And when I woke? Groggy. But I got up, out for a smoke and came back to get to the paintings, determined to finish them TODAY! – Worked on them for a while, then had my 2 franks and Ramen for “meal” and went back to the painting… It’s tough these days: I need better lighting… I need stronger glasses. I need to be dead, that’s what I “need”. – And so, that took me through the rest of the evening and brings me to now at 20.17 when I sit here, gritty and cruddy and needing a shit and shower. Tomorrow I must remember to wake for work! – But, as an aside: With the cash collected in various places about me and such… I’m back up to 600 in the case, plus another 100 between bags and such. If I hadn’t blown the other 600… But you know? I just CAN’T give a shit! It’s done, gone. Imagine, as I think… all I got out of all of that was a carton of smokes, 2 shirts, 2 t-shirts and a pair of sweats… and the clothes? Walmarde for one shirt and the rest? 2nd hand. Cheap shit! The rest? Viv. So I don’t resent it. But I still must STOP! I NEED A FUCKING CAR AND NOBODY’S HELPING ME WITH THAT! I NEED TO STOP… AND DRAW BACK INTO ME! – Now, let’s hope I can get into the shower soon. I can’t sleep another night in all this road crud. Sat.27.Sep: 5.55 (Woah! The 5’s) Painful knees this morning. And it’s still pitch dark out there at this hour. The sky is FULL of stars. Winter, she’s a-comin’. – The house was all in bed at 21.30 last night (which is when I finally got to the shower) and it occurred to me: no booze! They were probably all depressed because they couldn’t get drunk! Oh well… I haven’t been able to afford a bottle of vodka in… years. So? Life.. it’s a misery. – Speaking of which… work-day. – 6.24 Well then… all the “GoFundMe” shit has been deleted. – 12.29 HUNGRY! TIRED! I know the tired part is because of depression. The weather is beautiful out there, the folks from HOME are all about and I’ve no particular reason to be out there… so my body defaults to fatigue. – The office was a mess when I arrived this morning. Clear space all round, Rachel was busy this week, changing things. But the paper-work and such… a mess. I didn’t bother with it. Just grabbed and sorted. When the credit/debit machine wouldn’t work (I confirmed with Cindy that there was trouble yesterday as well) I had to tell Gena “I don’t care any more. I come in, make sure the mail gets to where it needs to be and that’s that. After all the screwing about that I’ve taken and the fact that I have only about a month and a half left? I don’t care. Nope. Not caring.” And it was dropped at that. The paper-work was fine. The count was WAY off because of an error on the last count, but I managed to “fix” that with the cash saved from overs. Now I’m 90-cents over. Not bad. I’ll kill that off with next week’s paper-work and balance to zero. I look forward to that. – I left at 11.30!!!!! And when I came to the back door, Bobo was working on the “new” kitchen door. I commented “It’s SILVER, not grey!” I didn’t even get an acknowledgement. Well.. fuck off. Fine. – I came in to find her ladyshit sacked on the sofa. Grabbed the “balance” cash and strolled over, put it into the drawer and came in. – The last 2 “cards” are sprayed/sealed. DONE! – I got out the MetroPCS phone and it’s charging. I transferred files over to the lap-top, for safe keeping and started to browse messages. I’ll use the phone as a camera since it takes better shots, but the memories on that thing!!! Good, bad, and evil. But I keep them. Why? I don’t know. But I do. – Now, I’m not certain what I’ll be doing. There are 2 PopTarts left and I’m HUNGRY! John’s not here today and the house is… well… they’re all here. So I won’t be getting to the market any time soon. So? I’ll make do with what I have… and probably nap the rest of the day away. – Sun.28.Sep: 1.19 Just getting into bed after an evening at the “fire” in the back yard. L. prepared a drink AND brought a chair! And I had to get B. to help get L. back into the house. Nice chat though. Jester got himself back into the house alone. Imagine. – Meanwhile… I did the “butt bucket” for the PO and I’ve showered. Needed. Ellie got skunked. B. showered her though. All’s well enough. – I SO FUCKINGHUNGRY! Just took a mouth-full of sugar to kill the hunger. Tea is steeping. – AND I’M BACK TO USING THE METRO PHONE! I’m a touch “home-sick” for NY tonight (this morning). – 9.06 Woke to the sound of the “Seaside” alarm this morning, for the first time in years… turned it off and dozed until 8.00. It’s a HOT morning, this one, and I’m a bit on the “ick” side, not having had enough to eat yesterday and the “beverage” of last night which was instant diet iced-tea and vodka (light on the vodka, of course). But, all told, not too bad. I’ve taken photos of the “cards” and the butt-bucket. I’ll work on the verbiage to post them on Crgslst and such. I’ll over-price for starts and see where it goes. I mean, shit, John sold an old canoe for 150, Bobo said last night that he sold some bit of stuff for 75. People WILL pay if they want and I put WORK into these things. – 22.11 I knew this would happen. All day I had cases of the trots, my stomach’s been churning noisily and I’ve been all but exhausted and wanting to sleep. It’s been another hot day. And now, it’s hot and humid in the room. And, now that it’s late, I’m rather not sleepy. – It was a wasted day for the most part. The only “accomplishments” were getting photos of the art work and the butt bucket, putting a piece of mesh screening into the top of the but bucket to keep people from throwing garbage in it. I sat in the back yard with the rest as John came to visit for a while. And after he left, Bobo and Jester went back into the house, her ladyshit and I sat a few moments until the heat became unbearable. – I walked down back to check the Japanese lanterns: all eaten already. I’m planning on bringing some to the front of the house for next season. – I dropped into the market for ice cream and a box of PopTarts (all of which is already gone). – “Meal” this evening was a package of Ramen. – Did get to chat a bit with Viv from late afternoon until evening. She asked “When are you coming back up?” as if I can just pop in at any moment. Oh well. I don’t expect “aide” and I don’t expect “understanding” any longer. So nothing is disappointing these days. (However… there’s been no acknowledgement of the fact that I spent almost 600 in just a couple of “visits” there… and I’ve nothing really to show for it. Oh well… That’s stopped…as of immediately.) – I have to get to Bedford by Wednesday this week since smokes will be gone by Thursday and I have to work through Thurs-Mon. Hopefully I’ll have the stamina. – I have to check the phone calling tomorrow, maybe ring for an appointment at CIBC for Wednesday. That would be quite nice. A way to “save” for a change. But for now? I’m under the blankets at long last. I could have used a nice shower before bed, but hopefully tomorrow morning I’ll be able to make a wash and get some gardening in and get a shower in before the end of the day. – Anxieties rule again. Anixieties. – 17.44 Mon.29.Sep: (Catch-up on Tuesday morning here.) Well, I got the wash done this morning. A bit on the later-than-I’d-like side but I got the wasgh done AND it dried on the line! Line-dried laundry! How wonderful is that? – THIS morning, I got to post the wood-cards onto Crglst under “l’Atelier QcVt”! AND on fessebook under “l’Atelier QcVt” AND upped the connections (“friends”) with a few folks from my own account. I doubt it’s going to do me any good, but at least I’m getting shit together here. Can’t say I’m not “trying”. If for nothing else… the car. – Then, I strolled over to the PO at about 11.00 to bring the butt-bucket. Whilst there, Rache gave me a board to cut fora shelf at the window. Well? I was going to cut panelling anyway so I brought it back with. – The boards for the next sets of cards? SHIT! ALL of the bits of panelling had gotten wet and so, the laminate peeled and it all turned to nothing… SOOOoooo…. I used the cedar shakes! They’re a bit thicker, and when I went back to the PO to bring the board and wire the butt-bucket to the rail, I checked. 70 cents to post. So, that’s still not bad. (I priced the set of the first 5 cards at 50 for the set, 15$ each. Then, when I checked into “art” on covered bridges and other “collectibles” on Crgslst, the shit I saw made me think: I could, quite honestly, get MUCH more for mine. But I’ll leave the prices as they are for now.) Oh, but checking the price to ship the oars was stupid. UPS calced over 400$! That can’t be right. I’ll have to pack them up and see if I can’t get them out via USPS some-how. But I’ll have to pack and weigh at this point, THEN post them! – ANYWAY… when I went back to the PO at 14.00 to bring the board to Rache, the phone rang: District Help Desk! I took the call and was on with them for almost 30 mins! They’re sending a tech in tomorrow morning, to check the power supply and perhaps re-image! In the morning! OK. I didn’t bother discussing it with Rache and gave them my cell, in case they needed. The more I know about that office, the better for me… when they sack me. FUCK THEM! I leave with more knowledge of the office than they’ll have. And eventually, this town will lose its office, postal code and identity. And I don’t give a shit. ***** The next thing ***** I HAD TO HELP RACHE TRACE HER PAPER-WORK THROUGH LAST WEEK! SHE WASN’T BALANCING FOR THE OFFICE STOCK! OFF BY JUST OVER 600$!!! I HAD A FEELING IT WAS WRONG. MY PAPER-WORK WAS ON, BUT NOT HERS. SHE KNOWS SO LITTLE ABOUT RUNNING THAT OFFICE!!! THE ONLY REASON I HELPED HER WAS BECAUSE I HAVE TO FOLLOW HER AND IT MADE MY OWN WORK EASIER. STILL, I’LL BE FIGURING A WAY TO GET PAID, NOT ONLY FOR THE HELP-DESK TIME BUT FOR TRAINING HER AS WELL!!! FUCK THEM ALL IF THEY THINK I’M GIVING MY TIME AWAY TO THEM! – OK, so then I came back to the house, stopped at the market for my ice cream (I HAVE to eat these days, my stomach is SO bad) and cheese for Ramen and donuts for tonight. Stuffed the ice cream in the back barn, tidied up and came into the house. – Bobo is working the OT this month so he didn’t come in until late. I HOOEVERD the room and then went down-stairs where I sat in the parlour for a few moments and the mood in the house was SO sour! (Me, being the paranoid one, waited for the big SMACK IN THE HEAD to come… but…) – At about 20.30, L. reminded me that tonight is our “TV” night. Indeed, I went to watch. Why the fuck not? Eh? And THEN I learnt what the hell the situation here is: L. showed me a text message he’d received from B. today. It seems B’s ex-wifie is just as stupid as the rest: She posted an accusation that B&L are paedophiles! What kind of stupidity!!! Honestly! Apparently this put B. into a spiral of depression. Truly, I wonder just how stupid some people can actually be when it comes to this socmed shit! But when L. and I were chit-chatting, he admitted that B. started the shit going by attacking the ex-wifie and he’s to blame as much because he won’t stop. So? So… Meanwhile, B. came in, all be-draggled and went directly to bed. Wahhhhhhh… whine little brats. Hell! You asked for this! Oh well. None of my business. If one looks for shit… usually, one gets it. (OK. For me? I don’t look for it and it still comes along. But in that case? Just retarded… quite.) – SO… as the day went on into the night, I didn’t get up-stairs and into the shower until almost 23.00… but I DID get my shower before bed tonight! There was no word from Viv but I left a brief. And when it came time to settle in for the night, it was after mid-night by the time I put my clean person between the clean bed-linens in the Hoovered room. Another day… may they wind-down quickly… RAPIDLY… SNAP! into no more. – September is all but done… and I am cursed with another month to come. HATE… that’s all it is… HATE. (Well, the fact is: *I* can stop when-ever *I* want. Good thing, that.) Tue.30.Sep: 7.15 Slept quite well, I must admit. Clean bed. Clean me! CLEAN! Heard the alarm at 5.35, turned it off and, of course, went right back to sleep until almost 7.00. Oh well. I’ve put the few things that were left over from yesterday’s wash into the machine, had my coffee and smoke. Waiting for the wash. Waiting for the phone call to run go help the incompetent one at the office. And for some reason (probably all the donuts before sleep last night) my stomach is knotting. Anxieties and all the rest. Oh, it will never end. – Just noticed that the back yard is beginning to become covered… with leaves from the tree. I NEED A CAR AND I NEED TO GET AWAY FROM HERE BEFORE THE COLD! (Or… I NEED TO GET A HEATER FOR THIS COMING WINTER!!!) – Anxieties. What would a day be if it didn’t begin like this? I do NOT know! – 7.48 and the wash is in the dry and the yesterday is caught-up to the today and I’m thinking about heading into Bedford today if the weather holds for me. There are 10 more little boards cut… nice cedar to paint on, and I’ve a bit of a collection for more bridges and such. There’s “work” to be done. The sun is coming up and it’s comfy in the room. We shall see… we certainly shall see. – I have the money for the smokes and today’s trip… I just don’t want to spend it! But… we shall see. – 9.45 Laundry’s done… I’m going for a nap. Hungry… and nothing to eat. – 20.56 A day of nothing. Really. Well, maybe not “nothing” but… nothing. The morning was a waste, relative waste, just flouncing about the room. The after-noon was a bit of time in the back barn, sanding the little boards smooth. Then, at a bit after 15.30, a call from Rache to come get the new combo for the safe. “Tech” showed and did something with the computer, but she doesn’t know what he did. AND… she’s “off” on the main stock paper-work. She said “90 cents” which is what I’m off on my sheets (over, on my account, thankfully). So when I left the office, she was working on trying to get the figures right. I don’t give a shit. Not my office, not my responsibility. – I came back to the house hungry and tired as usual but Curtis had been here today to mow so there was mowing under the picnic table and swing. And I finally cleaned behind the barn. – Came up to the room to browse the net a bit more. Had chicken Ramen with creamer tonight. There’s only a tin of soup left to be eaten. Oh, but when I went out to the barn, I went to the store for ice cream and PopTarts so I’ve taken in some calories today. – Posted a message for a lift on the 11th October to HOME. I doubt I’ll get one and I don’t even know I’ll be welcome. But I posted to the MTL Crgslst and the VT. So it’ll be interesting to see what, if anything, comes of it. The 10th is a 90$ pay-day too. Shit. Oh well. We shall see when the time arrives. – Other-wise, I got 3 bridges traced. I need tracing paper and no more velum. I’m erasing the previous works and re-using the sheets. – I’ve showered this evening. Last night I scrubbed and didn’t put anything on my face and all day my face has been itching, as if something had been crawling on it. Hmmm… but I’m clean and re-juvenated tonight. A delight. – Bobo came in and they all had dinner (I could smell the cooking) and apparently went directly to bed. Honestly… “depression”. Don’t cause no shit and there won’t be none. But, again, none of my business. And I noted that Jester went to bed as well. Another jackass, to be certain. L. remained on the sofa all evening… with the dogs and cats. – And there it is. The day. The end of the month. Tomorrow begins ANOTHER one! OH! Just go away and let me darf!
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