Wed.01.Aug: OH FUCK! IT'S AUGUST! 1.39. FUCK! AUGUST! - 9.11 and I FEEL like it too! At 8.00, breakfast was served to the little ones and I went back to the bed. Just in now from taking the garbage to the curb. HEAD-ACHE this morning. And why not? The realisation hit me this morning: Half glass of vodka almost every night. That's what it amounts to. Never mind vodka-tonic, it's more like half'n'half! THIS has to stop. I vaguely remember mornings of getting up, ready to take-on the chores and such of the day. Of course, those mornings were years ago and miles away. But it's time to, at the very least, try to get back to them. And this is a good month to get to that. - Also, I admit, most of my general malaise is the month, and the physical is psychological. I don't like this month. Never really have. I should though. It's an “august” month, strong, stoic, vibrant, “august”. Not to mention, the original reason for not liking it is gone: not the birth, but the general shit. I've almost no connections with all of that any longer. Sure, there's new shit from the years gone by. But it really is about time to shed the old. I just wish my head wouldn't ache so much right now. I've had coffee... have to hit the loo. I want to hit the bed again. There's time and opportunity to do so. So? Perhaps I shall. - I also wish the car was gone. I'm going to have to knock the price on that way down now. Or, I have to be patient. I doubt I'll get the 500 I'm hoping for. And I seriously doubt that, even if I do get that price, I'll get it any time soon. It's annoying. But what did I expect, really? Put it on the lawn and somebody'd come rolling up to snatch it away? Silly me. Silly “old” me. - Well... I'm awake, breathing, typing and what-ever. May as well do what is to be done. Nothing, really. The garbage is out. The floors need to be Hoovered, mopped. But even that can wait. - WOW! The stiffness in the left side of neck and jaw this morning. Notable. - Loo time. - August... Bloody HELL! - 12.04 Took a nap until 11.00 and it did help things, a touch. Then, went looking for under-wear that I'd washed last time and tossed, inadvertently. THAT took a while. And now? I'm going through the old back-pack, old IDs, and such things, trying to figure how to consolidate and “clean-out”. There are too many “things” that I don't need, are of no real use or value that I really must get rid of. There are many MORE “things” in these boxes I'm surrounded by, but that's for another day, another time... And if I don't get to it all? Let it all be tossed. It's of no value to anybody else. And when I'm dead, none of all of this will have ever happened, and it won't matter anyway. - It's humid again today. Grey and humid. August has arrived. - 14.29 Imagine THIS: Firstly, a guy stopped by to check the Subaru and is willing to go to 450 for it!!! Says he'll be back and/or in touch during the week or when-ever. OK. He wants to try to drive it though. I told him it needs bearings and brakes but he wants to make sure it runs. Fine. Let's see how it all turns out. Secondly... the MAIL RE-NEWAL for the license arrived today... and just in time because the office has CLOSED the PO BOX! She didn't pay the rental! Nice. She can afford to run all over Creation, Jesus-selling and shit, but, come to the necessities... It's all like ME buying pet food and cleaning supplies. And yet... Well, it's also good that the renewal came today because the physical address on record is HERE! So the next license will put me in Fucklin. Oh well... Never mind. Fine. I don't care. Now I'm wondering... should I just renew by mail and have done with it? Or... go on Wednesday, in person? I've got time between now an Wednesday (I have to get the money order together for the fee anyway.) - Still feeling a bit like shit. Got a box of blank CDs out to burn a G's collection. A little something to listen to. - And the day rolls on... and out... and away... again. - 15.10 Just off the phone with Ev... still at the lake. She tells that Lois has to have a hip replacement! Arthritis! Imagine, at her age (probably at her weight too). But Ev sounded rather “medicated”, but in good spirits. Says she spends the days reading The Times... love her. I mentioned my planned road-trip. “Call when you're here and we'll see how things are.” she says. Mostly because she thinks Lois will be recovering at the lake. OK. We shall see. Meanwhile, it's time to “amuse” myself and then get to the house-cleaning. I need to find something to eat tonight too. This day is slipping by. (But, getting up and about at 11.00... well...) - 22.32 Showered and ready for bed. Under-things on the spin in the washer. The floors got done. We all had a charming little stroll this evening. I got ice cream and crisps and of course, the ice cream is gone. - The roof of my mouth is rather sore tonight. I wonder what THAT'S all about. But I don't want to know for certain. There's no blood so... Never mind. - Mark came by as I was mopping the kitchen floor. He sanded some of the window sill. Now HE knows just how much work I put into only ONE. Good. At least somebody realises now, how much work I actually do round here. (Next, I'll be asking Curtis for an “estimate” on the mowing... just for reference.) - There's a beet in the dutch oven on the stove. Been there from since... perhaps Sunday. I'm not touching it. And I'm NOT eating it either. - Can't wait to see if/when I get the 100 for mowing. It'll pay my license! YAY! And a bottle of vodka. YAY YAY! And some left for... perhaps... speakers for the truck. YAY YAY YAY! - Tomorrow I'll have to head to QC for smokes. Boo. But I'll be paying in “my” currency” so it won't be TOO painful. No “fees”. - Meanwhile, the house is settled, the fan is registering 79F. Hot again tonight. And I'm about to figure my “travels”, distance, time and such. Perhaps I'll get to see Dennis, Mum's Estate, maybe drop by to see Barbara Smith (if she's still about in town), just to say... what-ever. - For now... I'm off. Put the stuff in the dryer and me into bed. Tomorrow... Hell arrives again. And then, of Friday... fire-wood. Woodhauler returns. FUCK ME!

Thu.02.Aug: 8.55 It was lights-out at 0.47 this morning. The 7.30 and the 8.00 alarms sounded and I dozed until the “Wake-up!” call from Mr. Mimou at about 8.30 or so. The sun is shining. There's a beautiful breeze. And the humidity (right now), is low. Nice morning. And I woke, feeling rather OK, in spite of being on the toilet at about 2.00 with GUT CRAMPS that woke me from my sleep. I don't know what I'd put in my stomach, but what-ever it was, my bowels didn't approve. It was a 15-minute sit, a bit of a “clearing”, and back to bed. And now, breakfast has been served, the little ones are out and about, I've had coffee and smoke and, of course, all things return to “normal”... I feel a bit like shit. Ah... another day. What's to be said? Nothing, really. - I'll be heading to Bedford at some time, for smokes. There's a dép on Riviere, just at the end of Victoria. Not so far. The only glitch: having to take Maurice and the damned holes. But, at least, it's not a trip all the way to Cowansville, which I don't want to do because of the gas. So? So. - 13.52 and she rolls in at about 13.40... parks in the drive so to block me and gets to what-ever it is she does... she's just now in the garden. Not much to speak on or about. - Meanwhile, I'm getting ready to go to the dép... before the Twats block me in completely. - 23.21 OK... so at about 14.00 I headed up to Bedford, got my 4 packs of smokes, stopped at the PO to enquire about a box and was told that yes, I can get one, 86CAD (plus taxes) per year. Just come in, give photo ID, complete the papers and pay. Done! SO... something to think about for future. Next stop, Rona for bolts and washers and anchors. 21$ there, 57$ for the smokes and a wonderful trip back across the “frontier” and a charming, chatty customs fellow. Truly wonderful. - Back at the “home”, Mme. was busy cooking something and preparing dinner. Fish, rice, beets. I didn't touch the beets because I have a feeling she added that old one that's been sitting on the stove in the pot for days. But I ate rather well. Oh... corn on the cob too... I shouldn't have eaten that, but I was FAMISHED. We'll see what damage it does... tomorrow morning, no doubt. - OK... So I went to put the bolts on the tail-gate cap only to find that the anchors didn't quite fit properly and the washers were too wide. BUT... after MUCH work, modifying the anchors and pressing the bolts in... they're in... in the 2 centre holes. The ends are in the truck but not holding the cap. No prob. It looks better and it is sturdier now. - And now for...

THE NEWS: THE TWATS HAVE FOUND A HOUSE, THE INSPECTION IS DUE ON SUNDAY. IF ALL GOES WELL, THE CLOSING WILL BE ON 10 SEPTEMBER! *** HOW-EVER *** IN OTHER NEWS: THEY'RE USING THEIR “LAST MONTH” RENT TO COVER THIS MONTH SO... I ASKED IF I'M GOING TO BE PAID FOR THE LAWN-MOWING THAT'S ALREADY BEEN DONE THROUGH JULY AND... I GET A SONG ABOUT THE FIRE-WOOD BEING DELIVERED! SO YES, I EXPRESSED MY DISGUST AND THE FACT THAT I WAS PLANNING ON USING THAT MONEY TO RE-NEW MY LICENSE ON WEDNESDAY NEXT. ALSO MENTIONED THE FACT THAT SHE HIRES OTHERS AT AGREED-UPON PRICES AND NO MATTER WHETHER THE WORK IS DONE TIMELY, PROPERLY OR DONE AT ALL, SHE PAYS “THEM”. I MADE CERTAIN TO MAKE IT CLEAR THAT I'M NOT BEING ANGRY ABOUT THE MATTER, I'M MERELY POINTING-OUT FACTS. NOW THEN, ADD TO THIS THE FACT THAT SHE EXPECTS *ME* TO HELP HER WITH LISTING THE FLAT ON CRAIGSLIST! LIKE THE CANOE! QUICK TO EXPECT *ME* TO *HELP* HER, BUT... AGAIN, I HAVE TO MAKE AN ISSUE ABOUT BEING PAID FOR WORK ALREADY DONE. I SEE HOW SHE OPERATES AND I MADE IT KNOWN. ALSO TOOK THE OPPORTUNITY TO REMIND HER THAT, AT ONE POINT, I WAS ATTENDING *TWO* MOWINGS AND YARDS FOR THE SAME 100$ PER MONTH THAT SHE PAID THE TWATS FOR MOWING ONE YARD ONCE PER MONTH. SHE ACTUALLY HAD THE FUCKING AUDACITY TO LOOK PERPLEXED... AS IF SHE DIDN'T UNDERSTAND THE *TWO* YARDS (5199 AND 172)! SHE'S A BIT OF WORK, THAT ONE. I RE-MINDED HER THAT I DID THE LAWN 4 TIMES EACH MONTH FOR THE 100$ WHICH MADE IT 25$ PER, CONSIDERABLY LESS THAN CURTIS WOULD CHARGE HER. BY DOING TWO LAWNS, IT BROUGHT IT DOWN TO 12,50 PER MOW, WHICH IS *WAY* LESS THAN SHE PAID THE TWATS. AGAIN... THE LOOK OF PERPLEXION! PASSED “A BIT OF WORK” AND RIGHT INTO FULL-OUT “QUNT”!!! AND... THERE'S NO GUARANTEE THAT THE LITTLE SHIT-TWATS WILL GET THE HOUSE AND MOVE OUT! IT'S ALL RIDING ON SUNDAY'S INSPECTION. IF THERE'S TOO MUCH TO BE REPAIRED IN THE HOUSE, THEY WON'T GET IT. SO, THERE MIGHT BE A CHANCE THAT THEY'LL OWE HER THE RENT ANYWAY. BUT, AS IT STANDS NOW, I'M GETTING “EXCUSES” AND THEY'RE GETTING THE “HURRAHS”. NOPE. SO, WHEN ASKED HOW MUCH THE LICENSE WILL COST ME, I QUOTED THE AMOUNT ON THE NOTICE. OF COURSE, THAT'S FOR 4 YEARS AND I'M NOT GOING FOR THAT. THE 2 YEARS IS 20 LESS AND I'LL USE THAT 20 FOR SOMETHING *I* WANT, NEED, WOULD RATHER HAVE. I'VE DONE THE MATH AND, IN USD, THE LICENSE WOULD COST ME 52,50 WITH MONEY ORDER AND ALL... IN CAD? 75,22!!! WITH ALL THE FEES AND SUCH. SO? I WAS TOLD THAT I'LL BE GETTING THE 51 FOR WEDNESDAY, “I'LL CHECK MY CHECK-BOOK TOMORROW”. FUNNY SHIT: TOMORROW, 2 CORDS OF WOOD WILL BE DUMPED OUT-SIDE THE GARAGE. PERHAPS I MIGHT BE SUGGESTING SHE GET HER TOWNIE-FIRENDS TOGETHER TO STACK IT FOR HER.

And so, right now, it's MUCH later than I'd wanted to get to bed. I'm a bit on the “sticky” side from sweating this evening but I'm in no mood to shower right now. It's going to be one of “those” nights... no shower and... what-ever. But it's time. I've no munchies tonight but I'm in the mood for a V-TON to be sure. - There's only 239US in the account... just enough for another v and some more smokes before the 22nd. And... come the 22nd... I'm off and doing what-ever I damned-well please... It's a Wednesday, which means she'll be at work. But if I decide to leave in the morning for my “day trip”, I'll just “text” her and tell her to get the Twats to feed the little ones. OR... I'll leave first thing Thursday morning (the toll from Albany to Newburgh is only 4,15 so I might just use that route... at 5-6 hours) after feeding the little ones m'self and let HER attend to them when SHE returns. What-ever... We shall see. - Now... time to wrap this all up. V-ton and tele (no crisps) time!

Wood dumped at about 8.20 this morning.And all the bloody wood is stacked by 17.41 No thanks.Fri.03.Aug: 8.04 Up, dressed, bottle-pee, coffee, why? I don't know. I just am. I woke of my own, just before the 8.00 alarm (which I intended to ignore). But it was lights-out at 1.21 this morning so I suppose it's ALMOST enough sleep. Still, I'm tired, but that's mostly due to being pissed-off and fed-up, annoyed, aggravated, agitated and the rest of all the general SHITE that is this place and all about it. (Fire-wood due this morning... I'm thinking perhaps she should get her Davie to stack it. I mean, after all... she calls on him for other needs... like the air conditioner, lawn mowers, and such. Surely he can stack 2 cords of wood (and, of course, MUCH better than I ever could). Or Rick... for 35$ and hour. Maybe André, at 45-50 bucks. Oh wait... the Twats! I'll bet she'd find the cash for THEM! Anyway... not my monkey, not my circus and if I decide to stack, I shall, if not, I shaln't. It makes no difference, one way or the other. - Today, I want to go through music, make CDs for the truck. At some point, I'll have to get to town to get coffee (and, likely, something to eat... and figure out how to get another vodka). But for right now, there are “passing storms” in the forecast and it is rather quite grey out there. Warm again, and humid. So music is the best choice. (I COULD listen to the music whilst stacking wood... keep a list of what to put on disc... I COULD do that.... but... ) - And so, I hear the thumping of in-bred feet plodding across the kitchen floor, and I think I'd like my smoke this morning. So... On with the day. - 8.46 The call of “Hello?” from the porch began round about 8.25... I'm supposing it's Pat Stanley with the fire-wood? Conveniently enough, Mme. had toddled into the loo where, to the best of my knowledge, she remains holed-up even to this moment, whilst Mr. Stanley repeats, for about 20 minutes... “Hello?” from the porch. Yeah... I hear him. I'm sitting here at my table, on soc.med. But now, I'm about to step out for a smoke. Let's see how this works out, eh, boys and girls? (FUCKING QUNT!) - 9.34 I stepped out for my smoke, she comes to the kitchen door. “Did you hear him? Did you hear the wood?” I simply nodded. There really isn't anything to be said about the matter. “He came and went. I was in the shower.” No... he was here for 20 minutes... you were “HIDING” in the loo. Slikbitch. Anyway, it slipped my mind: She's taking her Lis to lunch in Newport and then a trip to Magog today. She announced, last evening “I'll be gone all day.” So? So... No pressure on me to work. And I'm not, in the least, concerned. I'm working on the new CDs for the truck... and maybe I'll do some work on the radio again. (Though, at the moment, I can feel some “palpitations” in the chest but... never mind all that.) - Fukya darlin. You've lost what probably, could have been the best friend you ever had or... the ONLY friend you had. No give no shit for you. - 11.56 She's gone, off to Stanbridge with her Lis. Mimou and I are alone. And I've got the MO for the license and all ready to roll on Wednesday!!! RELIEF! (Not to mention, 40 on hand... GAS money... or, what-ever.) - Am thinking of stacking the fire-wood... just to have something to do with the day. May as well... I can listen to music whilst. - Well... Mme. gave me 55 out of the 100. So there's 45 remaining. Let's see if/when that ever comes. (Good thing though: She went to pay the box rent and received a cheque from “Jesus”. That's why I got my license money. So... as I say: Let's see if/when the 45 comes. AND... how much tears will accompany. As if I have any compassion... NOT!) - 19.55 HOW FUNNY IS THAT HOUR!!!! -
AND SO, AT 12.12 (I HAVE PHOTOS TO JOURNAL) I TOOK THE FIRST PICTURE OF THE STACK OF FUCKING FIRE-WOOD THAT WAS DUMPED AT ABOUT 8.20 THIS MORNING, IN FRONT OF THE GARAGE. THE LAST PHOTO WAS TAKEN AT 17.41 WITH THE CHIPS CLEARED FROM IN FRONT OF THE GARAGE, THE LAWN MOWED (SEVERAL TIMES TO GET RID OF THE EXCESS CHIPS). I WORKED RIGHT THROUGH. FOLLOWED THAT WITH A “RICE AND 3-BEAN SALAD” FOR “MEAL”, FOLLOWED BY WASHING THE DISHES AND CLEANING THE FUCKING KITCHEN MESS. NEXT... HOOVER THE ROOM AND THE KITCHEN FLOORS. THEN... A SHOWER! PUT THE WORK CLOTHES IN THE WASHER AND HEADED TO THE STORE FOR ICE CREAM (ALL GONE) AND A BAG OF CRISPS FOR TONIGHT. AND NOW? ICE CREAM IS GONE, MIMOU GOT DINNER, THE CLOTHES ARE IN THE DRYER AND I'VE WATERED MY PLANTS (BECAUSE WE'RE JUST NOT GETTING ANY RAIN!!!).
21.49 As I was typing, she rolled in... sighing because she was so exhausted. Well, before she'd left she'd baked TWO pies and asked ME to put them into the truck. Leaving me with a kitchen of filth and flies and vegetable waste (which got put into the composter... by ME). Then, went to the fridge, took out her salad and veggies (beets) and cooked a frank. So hungry! WHAT-EVER. “Did anything exciting happen while we were gone?” I replied “I think stacking 2 cords of wood and clearing the chips and such was more than enough. It took almost 6 hours.” She heard only bits of what I'd said... as usual. Honestly, if her kids ever pulled me in to have her declared “incompetent” I'd have no choice and she'd be put away. So she ate. I had a beer. She went to the recliner and started to doze off. At 20.30, Mimou wanted to go for the stroll and so too, Hallie. I took them. Watched moments of TV after and now? My right thigh is CRAMPING! I'd taken a naproxen before I ate but I just took one of the muscle pills from QC. I'll have my v-ton and crisps in a little bit. THAT should help with a night's sleep. - So, the day is done. My clothes are washed. I'm done. Time to wrap this shit-show and try to put it all behind me. I'm not in good spirits. But I knew, as I worked today... it's all utterly “Thankless”. Princess is in her delusion of believing that no thanks are necessary... she's some-how entitled. No sense in dwelling on it any longer.

Sat.04.Aug: 10.48 and only just now having 2nd coffee after 2nd smoke after the loo and chat with Mme. - At 1.34, as the naproxen and “muscle meds from QC” kicked-in, I typed: “the meds are making me tired and my legs won't hold me up with the muscle pain ut time to snooze. 23rd... Roat!” I've NO idea what the “23rd...” is about! But at one point as I was watching “tele”, I stood to have a smoke on the porch and BOTH LEGS... SPASMS so bad in the thighs that I groaned aloud and couldn't stand! Couldn't walk the spasms off. Had to grab the shovel handle to brace my-self up! HORRID! As it all passed, in some moments, I did have my smoke, in a bit of pain, got back on the bed, watched tele and had a second v-ton, not caring about the “results” or “ramifications” of two meds and vodka. I think I put the lights out at about 2.15 or so but I'm not sure. I wasn't “stoned” or anything, but I slept SO deeply through the night and through the 8 and 8.30 alarms. Finally got out of bed at 9.50! I'm not exactly “out of it” this morning, but I'm not exactly “in” either. My legs are sore, but I'm walking about. I'm “paying” for the 6 hours of sweating, lifting, tossing, hauling, stacking yesterday. I knew I would and, all told, it COULD be A LOT worse. So, no complaints on that point. But the sun is coming through and with it, the brutal heat and humidity. (Tuesday's Humidex is expected to be 41°!) It appears we had a bit of some kind of “rain” over-night, but, to be certain, not enough to make it worth anything. The actual rains are falling to the East of us today. There's something strange about it: rain to the West, North, East, South and just missing this area. It's been like that all season. “God is mad at Fuklin.” Can't blame him. I'm not too enamoured m'self. - Anyway, 'tis time to toddle into the day. I have to get the end of July posted to the servers and perhaps, this as well. There's music to be found... it's all over the place. I'd like to get it all in one directory, kill the duplicates. THAT'S “work”... but enjoyable, once I get into it, I suppose. Hopefully Mme. won't have the audacity to suggest some sort of bull-shit toil today. I'm not in them mood... particularly on the physical aspect. - 23.32 Took another QC pain pill and I doubt I'll have my v-ton tonight. Mme. mentioned the lawn this evening and mowing tomorrow (though she didn't get more gas, so what's in the tank and the little left in the other canister is it... unless I go get more, which... well... If I have to get more gas, I'll get more vodka too). And so she rolled in at about 17.15, grabbed a bit to eat and headed back out to church. When she came back at about 19.00, she cooked and we had a burger. She had her beets (which I won't eat because I believe she kept that one that sat in the pot for some days and I'm not eating that) and I had the rest of the 3-bean salad. After, we had a blueberry “thing” that she'd baked before she took off for the day. She brought 2 pies with her, of course, for others, and we had the what-ever-was-left. It wasn't bad though. Earlier, I'd put 3 potatoes in the nuker and added the rest of the rice, butter, ketchup, for my “meal”, at about 15.00 so I've eaten rather OK for the day. I'm “good” at the moment, though some crisps and a v-ton would be nice. Never mind. We went out to the yard, she to the garden, me for a smoke, at about 20.00 and came in for a bit of TV. - Most of this day for me was transferring all the music files from the external drive to the lap-top where I'm going through and creating a directory of music, no duplicates, so I know what I have and what I can burn to CD for the truck. It's a pain in the arse, but it really needs to be done. I'll either clean the Seagate or I'll just get another one and keep the files current on the new one and keep the other one as back-up of sorts. Not sure which, yet. - We discussed, over “dinner”, her potential for the place up-stairs. She's thinking “Air B and B” and I said she could do that, lease 6 or 12 months, rent month-to-month or rent seasonal, furnished. She keeps saying she wants her attorney involved. What-ever. I just want her to make money, keep the house, be comfy so that when I'm gone, she won't be all worried. What will I get out of it? Nothing. But WTF? None of my business. I just want out of and away from here. Though, it might be better once the Twats are gone. We shall see. - So, tonight, I've taken one pill for the muscles and I'll hope that gives me sleep through. Tomorrow I'll do the lawn. I look at it as equity. It'll be HELL, trying to get the money for the work. I KNOW she'll give me a hard time, since she won't be getting rent income. But, it looks good, makes me feel better when it's done and... as I say... equity. - Now, a quick run through soc.med. and hopefully to sleep. - I still have to get the end of July onto the servers. But there's time for that... tomorrow... She'll be around after her “brunch” and she's talking of taking Hallie swimming. But I have things to occupy my time... to keep me away from confrontations and conflicts. THAT is what's MOST important.

Sun.05.Aug: 9.10 Put the lights out at about 1.05, after some soc.med., no v-tons, no tele, no muchies, and spent the night just about half asleep all through. Hear the 7.30 alarm, turned it off, heard the 8.00 alarm, turned it off. Got out of bed at about 8.20 to see Mme. out picking flowers for the church and got out of bed when she left, about 10 minutes later. Have had coffee, 2 smokes and a loo and am now awaiting the moving of the vehicle for mowing today... and feeling just about as shitty as I would, had I had my usual “tad too much” v-ton last night, confirming: it's not the vodka... it's me. Beverages or no, the mornings are all shit. - Well? What can be said? - Forecast for humidex of about 38° today. How lovely! Better not mix it up with tomorrow's Hellish 41! But the grass is still damp with dew so there's no particular rush. And the place is... what-ever... until about 13.00. So there's a nice point. - I've got plenty to “occupy” my time 'til then. I've no interest in much, but... On with yet, another day. - Have send Dorothy a “Merry Christmas” text. I can't keep track, but I think it's her 66th. Time... where, in Fux name, does it go? - 14.20 LAWN'S DONE. 11.00-13.30. WHEN I FINISHED MOWING, THERE WAS ANOTHER “GROUND HORNET” IN THE LAWN, JUST OUT-SIDE THE BARN, SO I GOT THE “KILLER” AND DOUSED THE HOLE. WENT TO THE GREEN-HOUSE TO GET A FLOWER POT TO PUT OVER IT, TO KEEP THE LITTLE ONES AWAY AND AS I PICKED UP A POT... A FUCKING YELLOW-JACKET BUZZED UP, LANDED ON MY LEFT INDEX FINGER AND BLAM! STUNG!!!! SON-OF-A-BITCH! SO I PUT THE POT ON THE HOLE IN THE YARD AND CAME IN, WASHED THE SITE WITH DISH SOAP AND 3 APPLICATIONS OF “CLOROX CLEAN-UP” AND STARTED FEELING “ICK”. OFF TO THE STORE TO SPEND 10$ I HAVE BUT DIDN'T WANT TO PISS AWAY ON “BENADRYL”. OF COURSE, I HAD TO STAND THERE WAITING. THE NEW “OLD GAL”' IS ON AND PLASTIC CARDS AND SCANNERS STILL CONFUSE THE SHIT OUT OF HER. LA-DEE-DAH... ALMOST 15 MINUTES FOR 2 CUSTOMERS BEFORE ME AND THEN... THE TYPICAL DIDDLE-SHIT OF SCANNING A BAG OF CRISPS AND THE ONE AND ONLY BOX OF BENADRYL! JEEZIS KRISTE! “VERMONT... UN-TOUCHED BY CIVILISATION FOR OVER 200 YEARS.” “HOW ARE YOU?” SHE SAYS. “GOT STUNG BY A BEE.” SAYS I. THE WOMAN BEHIND ME TELLS THAT HER DAUGHTER JUST GOT STUNG THE OTHER DAY... HAD TO BE HAULED OFF TO EMERGENCY IN THE ENOSBURGH AMBULANCE. BUT OF COURSE, THE SLOWNESS OF MINDS ROUND HERE... “DO YOU WANT A LITTLE BAG FOR THAT?” NO! DIP-SHIT! I WANT TO GET BACK TO THE HOUSE TO GET THE BENEDRYL IN ME! FUCK! WELL... I CAME IN, TOOK 2. BIT ONE IN HALF HOPING TO GET IT “GOING” QUICKER. TOOK A SHOWER, TO KEEP THE BODY MOVING, GET THE SHIT THROUGH MY SYSTEM. AND NOW... WAITING FOR IT TO SLAM ME INTO “DOOZY-LAND”. Of course, Mme.'s not here. I don't think anybody's up-stairs. But... THE LAWN GOT DONE VERY NICE AND PROPER TODAY!!! One blade on the mower is fucked so it was a lot of doubling-back. AND... I JUST made it with the little bit of gas that was left. Well... at least MY fucking work is done and the mower's back in the barn and the truck is parked out of the way and the car is re-parked (I let it run a bit whilst I mowed). It's at an angle now... looking for like a “For Sale” than a drunk, retarded, in-breed Vermonter drove up on the lawn. Oh... the bull-shit. - So now I wait for the ramifications of the bee-sting. Rather asymptomatic at the moment... just the little “bite” at the site of the sting. We shall see. (If I die before I wake... I don't give a fuck right now any more.) - A few messages from Dorothy this morning. “Your [sic] my bestest buddy ever. You were my salvation.” As I said to her: Nobody else knows what we've lived through and even if we told them, they wouldn't believe us. But it's nice to see those words. (I wish the truck would make the 1k miles to her.) - OK... On to do what gets done with a day. I could lie down and snooze, but I don't dare... yet. Have to keep aware of what's to come with the sting and the Benadryl. “Happy Sun-fucking-day. - 22.37 Well, I survived the Benadryl after only TWO naps of just over an hour. Didn't feel “awful”... just tired. And had dinner at about 18.00 or so... a burger, beans, potatoes. Good food. Spent the rest of the evening, pretty much, on the new music and a bit of soc.med. - Mme. informs that there's a flat at the old “Sweet Shop” now renting at 1k. I told her “There's your base. Now add the things that aren't included there.” She won't... I can see it already. Meanwhile, the Twats have to wait about a week before they know anything about their new hovel. If they don't get it, they'll have to pay the rent (which would be great for me for cash, but horrors continuing other-wise). And Mme. is still leaning on me when it comes to the on-line posting. Honestly... she still thinks I'm her “friend”. NOT! - In other news, the texts were a pure lift to the spirit all day, between Dorothy and I. She cut them short with one saying “when I get home”. Hopefully, she got out for her birthday. - Well... the work got done, the property looks great, I'm in no particular pain but tonight will clean out the vodka. I have to figure how to get more (to last until at least the 22nd). I also need to figure out how to get gas. Smokes are easy: on the car. But gas is a LOT more expensive up there. It's tough, but at least it's not as if there's no income to ever follow. - Time to wrap this day up. Tomorrow evening... alone time again. How wonderful. I look forward to that. (But I still MUST get out of here and away!)

Mon.06.Aug: 9.37 After 3 episodes of tele and finishing-off the vodka, it was lights out at 1.07 this morning. At about 3.45, it was “up and walking and a smoke and walking”... SPASMS. I woke, feeling my right foot pulling itself back. Then the calf, then the thigh. So much for a night's sleep through. By about 4.00, I was back in the bed... and I heard the 8.00 alarm, turned it off and went back to sleep. Woke just before 9.00. - News is: the HEAT isn't due tomorrow... it's TODAY! SHIT! 41°! So let's see what we do and don't accomplish. I'm not going to make any “heroic” attempts at all. But I can feel it already, congested and running nose. It had better last only today. - Legs are still a bit stiff. It was difficult, getting off the bowl this morning. Oh... just another day. - 23.53 And fuck me! Another late one! And my clothes are just in the rinse. But I'm showered, scrubbed. - It was A MISERABLE DAY!!! WAY UP INTO THE 40s! HOT. MISERABLE. JUST HELLISH! ALL FUCKING DAY. EVEN NOW, FRESH OUT OF THE SHOWER, I'M DRENCHED IN SWEAT! THE REPORT IS THAT IT'S ONLY 24 WITH HUMIDEX OF 32. HUMIDITY IS 78%! TWICE TODAY, WE WERE SUPPOSED TO GET STORMS. THEY RAINED ON SWANTON... AND SKIPPED FUKLIN. AS I SAID TO Mme. “GOD HATES FRANKLIN! NATURE HATES FRANKLIN!” I HATE FRANKLIN! I got nothing accomplished except 3 naps. Just a fucking horrid day. - Mme. went to the doctor at about 10.30 and returned at almost 14.00. Said she didn't get to see the MD until almost 13.00. Sorry... some-how, I don't believe her at all, but I don't care. She came in, ate and went to the garden to get her beans... BEANS! A BASKET OVER-FLOWING. Sorted them all out, freshened up and by about 16.45 she was on the road to work. Farewell. - At about 18.00, Mark came by to sand the sills on the porch. Dust all over the fucking place again and off he toddled to leave me with the mess. Well... the kitchen has been full of flies, Mme. swatting and wondering why. Rotting vegetables in a bucket? Moron! So I cleaned the kitchen, Hoovered and mopped. Now there's one fly that follows me. Odd... when she's around, the place is buzzing. When she leaves and the place is even lightly cleaned... they're gone. Slob. - Anyway... I've done all my washing now. No vodka so I'm having a rye and ginger on top of 3 small Twisted Teas. Hoping for some sleep soon. Tomorrow, perhaps a hair-trim. I have to watch carefully now... I have a “comb-over” that needs attending. I've come to that. - And there's still the plans for the trip on the 23rd... thus far. I can only look forward to it at the present. Wednesday, I'll go get my license, smokes, perhaps some vodka. Funds are low. Must be frugal. And I have to calc USD and CAD. Imagine that. - Still sorting through the 3k-plus songs. It's more involved that I'd planned. And in this heat, I don't have much interest or energy. - Oh well... I hear a spin in the washer. A bit of tele... just a bit... and hopefully some sleep. Tomorrow? Fuckkit. It will be what it will be. 28° and 80% chance of “orages”. Yeah... right... fuck that too. Humidex? 30-fucking-8! Jeezis! I can't take much more of this shit. - It's 80F on the fan in this box. I need to get out of THIS shit too.

Tue.07.Aug: 2.14 SHIT! I had NO idea that it was THIS fucking late! Oh well... Let's see how much (if any) sleep comes. - 8.48 Hear the 8.00 alarm and wanted SO much to just sleep but no, “Meow! Meow! Meow!” So I laid in the bed listening, until the 8.30 alarm sounded and... “Meow! Meow! Meow!” So yeah, I got up, served breakfast, had a slash, had my coffee, threw the damp clothes (damned dryer) into the dryer again, had my smoke, watched the 5-seconds of rain and here I am... Rye is NOT the beverage of choice before bed. But then again, I don't actually feel any the worse than if I'd had nothing before bed. Just another morning in .... paradise? The rain did nothing for the heat but it did add to the humidity. How charming. Yeah. - Another thing that woke me this lovely morn: a damned FLY! This place is like a land-fill! - So, now to toddle to the loo for a few and try to decide if I want to run for smokes and such today or wait until tomorrow. There's “budgeting” to be done. Lovely way to begin the day, I say. Typical and yes, expected: I have the truck... can't afford to run it. Always something. Always something. - And this “doc” Journal is now on page 12. I have to finish posting July still in addition to getting August up. And I want to include photos of the wood-hauling. Why? Because. Alas. - Nothing will get done if it isn't done so... - Oh... and recycling has to go out too. Hmpf. - 10.03 Morning “routine” done. Recycling out. Rain stopped. Of course. Now... on with the day. Shit. - 10.22 And so, the pages are posted to the server and the blog and Wordpress is fucked-up! Tried to log into the blog and got a “404”! The pages appear to be there, fine, but the CV blog is gone, I should test the others as well. Something for today's agenda. Honestly... all this bull-shit with the Internet of recent months. This world is in HUGE trouble! There's no trusting the Fed. There's no trusting the State. There's no trusting the County. There's no trusting the Town. This barrel of apples is rotted WAY beyond attracting flies and bees. It's all gone disgusting. Oh well... Thank goodness for “old age”... and my “keys to the exit”. - Moving along... - 22.25 and going for another late one... well... later than I'd like. But not too bad... yet.- Another day of napping and just generally pissing the day away. Although, this evening, I managed to move the “composter” back to beside the green-house. Makes more sense: not right out-side the door to attract flies and smell like shit and, after all, where would compost be more useful than in the green-house? Hey? Eh? Got a few more tunes cleaned out of the massive mess. But other-wise... nothing. - “Meal” consisted of about 5 pancakes which I made from the mix that Mme. uses at the church. 1 cup mix, three eighths cup water and I used her butter and syrup. Not healthy but managed to kill an appetite. - Had a small rye and ginger earlier. I miss my vodka! - Oh... and the recycling went. - Tomorrow? I don't know why I'm all in a snit about it. DMV is open from 8.45 to 15.00 and the only other things on the list of things to be done are smokes, which aren't really necessary until Thursday, vodka and gas for the truck. Seriously. The only thing that I find “necessary” is the vodka... oh... and coffee, which isn't an emergency either. One item only: DMV. The money issue? 60 from the ATM at the conversion plus 3 percent and no 3 dollars here and there. I need to stop all the dramatics. Really. - And now, Ms. Hallie is in bed. Mr. Mimou is on the living-room floor. Snoozing away. Precious little ones. (My heart aches when I wonder how they'll be treated when I'm no longer around. I don't trust that old thing. I just don't.) - I'm showered. Will take another quick in the morning before leaving. Last of clothes are in the washer. And I'm actually quite tired. - Time for tele and no munchies. Tomorrow... is another day. - I'm still tumbling the Newburgh trip round in my head. I DO want to see Dennis... before one of us is dead. - Have to ring Ev tomorrow too.

Wed.08.Aug: 2.01 FUCK! Just getting to go to bed. “My bad.”
5.40 FUCK! I was only JUST half-way to sleep when I hear Hallie wandering about in the room at the door. What the fuck was I to do? I opened the porch door and let her out and all she fucking did was romp in the garden! FUCK ME! Then came Mimou with his part of the screeching. So out they went,, breakfast got served, the garbage, gathered and I've had coffee, pee and smoke. The garbage is at the curb and it's only 6.10 as I type this shit! I'm in a “burn-out sweat”! TER-FUCKING-RIFIC! WHAT A FUCKING DAY THIS IS GOING TO BE! Well... I CAN say that I won't regret leaving them alone at some point during the day when I go for my errands... and I WILL go! But right now... doors open and critters running about... I'm going back to bed! - 9.57 I did go back to bed and did get a bit of sleep during the hours. Not enough... because I don't feel all that well... a bit tired, light-headed, nauseous. But some sleep is better than none? - The fucking cat is driving me fucking nuts with the whining. It's what woke me and he just won't stop! - Anyway... time to re-start the day and get the fuck out of here. STILL trying to figure the scheme to the errands... most sensible would be banque first but... we'll see when we get on the road. - IT'S FUCKING HOT AGAIN TOO... in addition to my “burn-out” sweating. FUCK IT ALL! - 15.05 And back at “the home”... Left at 11.52 and headed to Sheldon to the Shell station there for 30$ in gas. 9,6gals! Shit! The gal couldn't do the “pre-pay” stop on the pump but I hit it EXACTLY. Brought the tank back up over the half. And it was on to the DMV where I arrived at about 12.30-something, took my ticket “L250” and was called IMMEDIATELY! What a breeze. (I'd printed a lease before leaving the house but didn't even need it... but it's another “yellow star” so I'm fine.) The gal took the form I'd received in the post, the money order and, unfortunately, I had to have a new photo taken... It looks horrid... the “new” hair-line. ICK. Moments later, I got handed the new license and was off and on the road again. - Took the 89 up to Phillipsburg, headed to Bedford. had to wait there for a while. It's the “Vermont” version of “Champlain”... Smaller, yes, but considering where it is, it's its own mayhem. Still... passing customs was a snap. I was relieved. Drove up to Pike River and took the 202 into Bedford and to the banque. - Tried the ATM for USD today. 60USD cost me 80,72! It was a bad day for THIS conversion at 1,3454! Still, it cost me less than if I'd taken the 60 on the card as a purchase. No 3USD for the American ATM plus the 3CAD for the transaction. It would have cost me 87,76CAD that way. A savings of 7,04CAD. Not much but every dollar counts. - With my USD (for vodka and something else that I was supposed to get but can't recall at the moment) I headed over to Metro for dinner and crisps and lunch of Liberté yoghurt... AND 4 more packs of smokes. Another 70,97CAD off the account. (This is gonna hurt a bit when I get to the calcs, but...) - Came back in via Morses Line and had to wait, and wait, and wait. There was a “foreigner” working the border today and the car ahead must have been some kind of something because they took the driver out! But... when I got there, it was a snap. Of course, I had to be asked “You went 'all the way' to Canada...?” Still, it was fine. - By 14.30 I was back in the house, having my yoghurt. And in a bit, I'll be on the road again, to Enosburgh, for VODKA and coffee and tonic. Hey ,can't complain... at least I have the ability to drive again... And to think: Legally... truck purchased in full, registered, insured and my license good until 2020. Imagine me! - The little ones are lounging about now. It's hot again today. Grey and humid. But I managed... even on minimal rest and no actual “sleep” to get this all done. *I couldn't help but think of today as one of those days in The Shelter when, after a nap of 45 minutes, sometimes, I'd still get up, get me together and put in a full 8-9-hour day of 'home care'.* I've no doubt this will take a toll tonight and tomorrow, but for now, I'm on “over-drive” and still going. - Time to hit the calc. sheet and balance the account. (THAT'S going to be murder.) - But I DID IT! - 19.51 Vodka, tonic, 2 jars coffee, *1 pkg Kosher franks for Hallie*... DONE! And DONE! And jammies in the washer. Time for the 8pm stroll and then? I am going to Hoover lightly, this room, get me to the shower and to BED! AND... to v-ton and crisps and a truly EARLY FUCKING NIGHT! I'VE HAD MORE THAN ENOUGH OF THIS DAY! - Note: the damned dash lights... flicker... it's annoying... along with the speakers and volume on the radio. Well... nothing can be done about it now. It all has to wait... again. - No prob. The truck is there and it's MINE! - 21.00 Clothes in the washer, me out of the shower. TV is off. Living-room is dark. I'm getting my v-ton together. Tele until the clothes are dry. - That “Bleu Lavande” stuff that Mme. brought back from her voyage with her Lis is WONDERFUL! I sprayed the eau du linge about the room and it's really very pleasant! I must get there to get my own. - That said... 21.02 and counting and I want to get into bed. (Might just close my door tonight... in case the critters decide to act... well... Vermontish. I'm in NO fucking mood!

Thu.09.Aug: (Oma! Herzlich Geburtstag! 112! Now THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE! ) 11.11 I MUST learn AND remember that 3 v-tons is the equivalent of an entire glass-full of vodka AND I MUST keep in mind that I must NEVER do THAT again... EVER! - After several episodes of “Monday Monday” and THREE v-tons, the last of which was half a glass total but mostly vodka anyway, at 0.37, I put out the lights and slammed into deep sleep. - It was a “bitter” night though... just completely disgusted with “the gods”, the world and such. Couldn't help but think, repeatedly, that all the bull-shit about the “perfection of god” is utter feeble-minded bollocks. This nonsense about god being perfect and having given mankind free will and such. Nah. What-ever caused this “Creation” to exist is simply flawed to its core. If it were perfect, this “Creation” would be perfect, with-out strife, crimes, the negativity. Weather wouldn't be too hot, too cold, too wet, too dry. All things would exist in perfection. But none of that is. And truly, all is as Mum used to say: There is no “Hell” after this. THIS is Hell. After this, there is only peace. SHE KNEW... and that's why she was caused to suffer, because the “Creator”... if there actually is such a thing, was angry with her. Not only did she know and understand, she passed her knowledge on. Sam Adams, the first atheist I ever met, had it right as well: “God” is a crutch, invented by people to give answers to questions for which there are no answers. All said and considered in any degree of seriousness proves: Creation is bull-shit. - Anyway, that said, I heard the 8.00 alarm this morning, rolled over, turned it off and re-set the 10.00 alarm. No rush to get up and out of bed this morning. I know Mme.. isn't rushing to get back to the house. She's got no responsibilities here. I'm here. Her property is managed and maintained. The little ones will be attended with love and care. So I went back to sleep until the next alarm, after which, I rather lolled about in bed until 10.22. Ah... getting up to pee, let the little ones out, serve them breakfast... THAT was a bit of a horror. Still is, rather. After no sleep on Tuesday night, wandering about all day Wednesday in spite of the absence of proper rest, the fucking heat and humidity of Wednesday, culminating in too much to drink before going to bed (drinking too much to ensure that I'd simply lay down and actually go to sleep)... this morning is a bit of an effort. Head aches, eyes burn, stomach is a bit off. I'd much rather go back to bed. But truly, I can't because there are “things” I'd “like” to do and that keeps me from going back to sleep the day away. I doubt I'll actually “DO” anything much at all though. There's music files to be sorted, the radio in the truck that needs re-wiring, the “panel” lights need to be repaired or replaced or something... there's yard-work that should be done... considering there was QUITE THE RAIN this morning at last. But I've neither interest nor energy. - A NOTE, HOW-EVER: THERE'S A WET SPOT BESIDE THE BED THIS MORNING. DURING THE WINTER, THERE'S A DRAFT, A BITTER COLD DRAFT THAT COMES DOWN AND BLOWS ON MY FACE AS I LAY IN BED. IT COMES DOWN THE WALL BY THE CHIMNEY, SO, OBVIOUSLY, THERE'S A SPACE OPEN TO THE OUT-SIDE SOME-WHERE ALONG THE WALL. I'M WILLING TO BET THAT THE TORRENTIAL RAINS OF THIS MORNING CAME DOWN THAT SAME VENUE... AND WET THE FLOOR. I haven't bothered to investigate, and I won't. Probably won't bother to mention it to Mme. either. It wouldn't make any difference to her anyway. So long as it doesn't damage anything of mine... I don't care at all. - And so, in addition to this, I'll toss in the banging up-stairs of their in-breed spore, into the night... it was still going on at about 23.00. And first thing this morning, it continued. It's rather amazing, just how low-life classless the population of this state actually is. - On that note... I'll be moving along. Time for second coffee, I suppose. I'm tired again, and not feeling altogether all together. It would be nice to just go back to sleep... but... no rest for the wicked. - 15.06 nap time... - 22.52 Did take a nap... just over an hour. Woke to be invited to dine: ravioli and salad. I finished the ravioli too! So there! - Also... today, handed 50 instead of the 45 due. Not complaining. OIL CHANGE next week! YAY! - Other than that... time to get this day done and wrapped. Tired. Nothing on the agenda tomorrow but I'd like to be awake and feeling well-enough. Even now, it's later than I'd wanted to be done with the day. Still...

Fri.10.Aug: (*Another “episodic” day.*) 0.14 It suddenly occurred to me that I'm being kept here, and out of NY, so that I won't “leave” this existence, won't be able to simply, quietly check out of this shit-hole! Mother? Somebody? Some THING? I'm being kept here... just getting enough to stay and not enough to leave. As for the truck? Yeah, I have it. A dream come true. And THAT will be taken from me at the very moment when it will mean the very most to me, when I WILL be able to leave this. It's time to double... no... triple or more down on my efforts. It's time for me go actually go to WAR with all the elements that have worked against me all my life. WAR! - 0.47 Last episode of “Monday Monday”. AND... FUCK... DOUBLE-DIGIT DATE ALREADY! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! THIS MONTH IS PASSING TOO FUCKING QUICKLY! I'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE WINTER! - PS: FUCK... another late night. But... only one v-ton. Hopefully... I'll get SOME fucking sleep. - 8.13 and I don't know why I'm up and dressed. Clear skies. Clear air. 71F on the fan. But there really is no particular need to be up and dressed at this hour. And a little mention of some kind of “lump” in my stomach, and feeling a bit on the woozies... and not from too much drink last night either. Not that I, nor anybody else cares. Oh well. - Double-fucking-digit date and here we go. - 20.30 and she's just rolling in... dangerously... from her dinner with a friend. She'd left at about 17.00. - But I'm just out of the shower and my “work clothes” are in the wash. Oh well... I'd clipped and weeded the walk and phone-shed flower-bed, planted the rest of the daisies, moved a milk can to the stoop for the begonia. Had a bowl of salad for “meal”. Then we all went for a stroll, came back in, had snacks, I washed the dishes, tidied the kitchen and... off to shower. - AND IT'S BEEN A FUCKING DAY OF MIGRAINE AND “CONFUSION” AND THE LIKES. I TOOK A NAP FOR ABOUT 20 MINUTES AND WHEN I WOKE, I SERIOUSLY COULDN'T THINK OF WHAT WAS GOING TO BE DONE WITH THE TRUCK ON TUESDAY. ALL I COULD REMEMBER WAS “OIL” BUT COULDN'T THINK OF WHAT WAS GOING TO BE DONE WITH IT!!! THOUGHTS WOULDN'T CONGEAL. WORDS WEREN'T COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH CORRECTLY. AND I HAD THE “WATER” IN MY EYES. MIGRAINES... AGAIN. HERE WE GO! BACK TO THE MIGRAINE DAYS. I CAN'T HELP BUT THINK IT'S “AUGUST”... AND THIS TIME IT'S NOT ONLY THE USUAL AUGUST DEPRESSIONS BUT IT'S NOW THE ADDITION OF THE EXPENSES OF THE TRUCK, THE HOPES TO MAKE THE TRIP TO THE HUDSON VALLEY AND GETTING OUT OF HERE BEFORE ANOTHER WINTER. IT'S ALSO THE SADNESS OF LEAVING HALLIE AND MIMOU. I'VE NO REGRETS ABOUT LEAVING THE STATE, I'VE NO ATTACHEMENT TO ANY PEOPLE HERE NOR TO ANY PLACE (OTHER THAN, PERHAPS, A LITTLE BIT OF RICHFORD... WHICH HAD ITS HORRORS AS WELL OF COURSE). BUT I JUST DON'T TRUST HER WITH THE LITTLE ONES. THERE'S ALSO THE MATTER OF THE SUBARU. I MEAN, I COULD LEAVE IT TO HER TO DISPOSE OF, BUT I'D REALLY LIKE TO GET AT LEAST A LITTLE BIT OF MONEY FROM IT... TO FUND MY “DEPARTURE” IN COMFORT. IT'S REALLY NO WONDER THAT I'D BE GETTING SICK FROM ALL OF THIS, WHEN CONSIDERED SERIOUSLY. BUT *MIGRAINES*! WELL, I DO SUPPOSE IT COULD BE WORSE. - 21.28 Clothes are done. Chatting is done. She's asleep on the royal recliner. I've take a naproxen. Pondering a v-ton but I probably shouldn't (or should). My head hurts. My stomach is sour. My jaw hurts. My teeth hurt. I just hurt. I'm actually afraid of going to sleep tonight, for fear of what I'll be facing when I wake up. There's a constant fear now of “going bad” in my sleep and waking as an invalid of some sort. I guess I'll have to think seriously about getting some sort of medical coverage now. If for no other reason than the usual preliminary blood-work and shit. I don't really want to know what's wrong, but it might help matters a bit. After all, if there's a definite time limit, I can get busy and get things done. After all... I have the truck... one packing and off on the road to... where-ever it takes me. - Well, the grass along the walk is trimmed. (She noticed! Imagine that!) And along the flower-bed. The daisies are planted. The yard looks fine. If I should die before I wake that's one less bitch they can throw about me. (They'll find something else though... no mistaking that.) - Too bad... no munchies again tonight. Oh well. Let's see how it all plays out. Maybe a bit of tele. Maybe not. Maybe a VERY light v-ton. Maybe not. But clothes are clean. I'm clean. This day is done. - Now to look toward Tuesday and the oil change. If nothing else, it's another chance for them to find anything that might be wrong. - Oh... I worked on the radio again today. No luck. BUT... I now notice that the battery registres a quarter charge until I start the engine! I wonder what the fuck THAT'S about. Hopefully it's not the alternator. As Mark said this evening when he came to “appear to be working” ... “At the rate you're going, you'll soon have a whole new truck there.” Yeah... Imagine that. Just imagine that. - 22.39 Last smoke and a try for some sleep. No tele, v-ton, munchies. Here's to....

I transplanted the sunflowers from the old compost at a height of about 20cm and WOW!Sat.11.Aug: 6.59 and... I'm up, coffee, bottle-pee. What a difference no v-ton and a 2am night makes. - 7.12 in from smoke with the little ones. And coming in from that... an anxiety attack. Why? Stupid question. Why? Because... I'm awake. - Anyway... last night, I turned the sleeping bag over and slept in that, under 2 sheets and my “OWS” banner. Snoozie. Comfy. And it's chilly enough this morning to make the fan cycle. Sunny. Clear. Dewey. Dewie? And... August. - Nice... weather-wise. Other-wise? August. - Well, let's see what we can do to fill this day. What-ever. - Oh... just checked. 14° with Humidex of... 14°. Getting closer to 10! Funny... double-digit dates are terrible when they get to 10. Temperatures at 10? Closer to the single-digits... cold. - 9.22 nap. - 18.11 I took a 20-minute nap and when I woke... I tried to dodge all sorts of actual work for the morning. I did manage to get through all the music files and knock the number down from almost 4k to about 2k. Now I have to go through them and re-name to find the duplicates that are off on the file size. But at least all the other part is DONE! - That finished, I made the dread mistake of looking at and paying attention to the back stoop and the pallets where the fire-wood used to be stored. Well? MOST of the pallets are up, the area has been mowed, the pallets were removed to the fence between the 5199 and the 5225 barns AND ALL of the daisies are planted. (I'm JUST getting out of the SHOWER!) The pile of “sticks and kindling” is LOADED WITH DOG SHIT AND Mme. GOT AN EAR FULL OF THE ABUSE SHE'S PUT UP WITH WHERE THAT'S CONCERNED. I'LL BE ASKING AROUND TO FIND IDEAS ON HOW TO HAVE ALL THAT SHIT REMOVED BECAUSE I'M *NOT* GOING TO HAUL IT. IT'S HORRIBLE! - But... WORK got done today and it DOES look quite a bit cleaner. And I'm rather happy and proud that I could get it done. So-fucking-there! - HEY! Mme. toddled off to Jesus and I even managed to mix another batch of “water” for the hummies!!! They'd all but finished the previous batch. Bless them. - So I'm “accomplished” for today. AND there's a full container of gas in the barn and quite a bit in the mower for tomorrow! SO... VVVVVV-RRRRR-OOOOOMMMMM AWAY I'LL GO IN THE MORNING! (It had BETTER be a PERFECTLY GOOD morning too!) - There's to be a burger when Mme. returns this evening. Meanwhile... I'm going to steal a TEA! - OH OH OH OH OH OH OH!!! The Twats' Koba has filled this stack of twigs with SHIT!The Twats gave her 300 for the days they'll be here in September (looks like they're OUT... OH PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) AND SHE GAVE ME 100! (I'VE PUT IT WITH MY TRUCK KEYS AS BACK-UP EMERGENCY CARRY-WITH ALREADY... IT'S “MAD MONEY” SO... I'LL USE IT WHEN I'VE GONE MAD.) BUT I'M QUITE IN SHOCK... AT THE FACT THAT THOSE TWATS PAID HER AND THAT SHE PAID ME! Of course... I now owe her into September, but that's fine. I'm not complaining... I'd rather NOT be here then, but if I am... I'm paid... If I'm not... it's due anyway so...) - 21.49 Dinner was... sufficient. I waited until she got back. We ate. Had a lovely dinner. I took the little ones out for a stroll. Watched a bit of TV as she slept and now... all are tucked away. Even the little ones went to sleep together on the sofa. They're happier when we're all together. Bless them. And it's a nice evening. Not too cool, not too warm. I'm showered. The bed is scented with lavender tonight. VERY nice, indeed. I COULD use some munchies, but there are none. I had a hefty rum and Coke with dinner... in addition to the Tea. But I DO believe I'll have a LIGHT v-ton and tele. Tomorrow is lawn day. My work clothes didn't get washed tonight. Oh well. No big deal. - But another day comes to a close. - Come September, I DO believe I'll get that Colt I've always wanted... if I'm still here. I'm getting things for ME now. And that's something I've always wanted anyway. This month is a “road trip”... if all allows. - And on this note... I'm in jammies... time to call this day having “shit the sheets”. It's done.

THIS is what makes a day worth living through.

I fucking mow the damned property and come into the house to THIS typical shit.Sun.12.Aug: 0.30 last smoke and back to the usual “late night”... fuck me! - 7.53 and I rolled over and up and... out of bed. Feeling? No different, really, from any other morning: ick. And that “12” in the date! We're ROARING THROUGH this month. ANYTHING to make me feel worse. Oh well. At least it's not raining. There's dew on the grass, but... Today, should I get to the lawn, I'll do it on “4”. Not so close this time. I've been paid through September at this point and... well... I'm not going to have it said that I didn't do the “work”. (Though... I MIGHT have a painting job on the flat up-stairs... when the fungi remove. Extra money! I can't WAIT to see if/how much I'm offered for THAT! At least 100 per room? One might think. One might be insane as well.) - OK. Plan: 9.00-ish, get to the front. The noise should be indicative of the work to follow. (Hopefully I'll have the stamina necessary.) - And so... the day commences. I'm already in yesterday's work clothes. ICK! - 14.54 FINALLY got started with the yard-work at 10.00... no help or support from anybody in this shit-heap. But for the first hour, I dug-up and re-arranged that fucking rock pile at the end of the drive. I can now simply MOW round it! YAY ME! (Yeah... it took a naproxen though, but it's done.) Then, at about 11.00, Mme. yapping away on the phone, she motions to me that she'll call the Twats. Me? I headed out, got on the mower and went to work on the front of the house first, took a break, came in to the “chatty chat line” and headed out to the lilies. As I was there, the Twats came out, moved their vehicles and I moved on to the green-house, the South part of the lawn (not moving the Subaru today) and then, to the back... berries first, the fence next, then to the “new lawn” and the back garden... on to the back yard. By 14.00 I was done. FUCKING PAIN NOW, WITH THE BROKEN BLADE. HAVING TO RE-MOW. I TOLD THE OLD THING... AS ALWAYS, WORD AND BREATH WASTED. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK. HER MOWER. HER MONEY. MY TIME. DONE. - Now, she and Hallie are at Fairfield Pond, swimming and I'm just out of the shower, work clothes in the washer. And... I'm exhausted. But there's a cuke to be had and I'm off to had it. - Another good day's work. - 22.47 MY NOTE: DELETED THE OLD POSTS FOR THE SUBARU AT 900, FROM CRGSLST AND REPOSTED FOR 300. - Ate well tonight. “Chinese”. (But I'm hungry again... and no munchies... my fault... to damned lazy to go get.) - Mme.'s “Bradley” came this evening and... AND... CARTED AWAY ALL THE SCRAP TWIGS AND OLD FIRE-WOOD! IT'S AMAZING! HE MADE 3 TRIPS IN JUST ABOUT AN HOUR! I'M IN AWE! AND HE CHARGED HER 35$! (SHE GAVE HIM 50 BUT HE WAS WORTH AT LEAST DOUBLE THAT! INCREDIBLE GUY! REALLY! I'M IMPRESSED BEYOND...!) IT LOOKS AMAZING! Damned shame those Twats are still up there with their shitting dog. But “clean-up” should be easier. AND, IF she's telling the truth, she's deducting things from their “security” for painting, cleaning and the repairs to the house that the dog destroyed. I HOPE she holds true to it. Though, after the shit with 172, I think she just might. ANYWayyyy... the lawn's done and looks good. The mower's in need of service though. Maybe... MAYBE I'll look into that. MAYBE. - So she went to take Hallie swimming at about 14.30 or so and I showered me and washed my clothes! I'm happy about that. - Right now, I'm tired. I want to nosh, MIGHT have a LIGHT v-ton and tele. It's late but... nothing on the agenda really, until Tuesday morn. I'll see how I feel when I get ready for bed. - Other-wise, I have to say, it was a lovely day. - OH OH OH SPOKE WITH EV! LOIS GOES IN FOR SURGERY ON WEDNESDAY. THEY'LL BE STAYING AT THE LAKE. WE SPOKE FOR MERE MOMENTS. BUT IT WAS GOOD TO GET IN TOUCH WITH HER. - Well... I'm tired. Let's see if I stay awake a while longer. Tele would be a nice wrap. And, as Mme. said (as Mum always used to say): Tomorrow is another day. (Hopefully NOT “episodic”.)

Mon.13.Aug: 1.10 last smoke, still hungry, gotta pee and... thigh cramp. Jolly! Fuck. (Loving “Miranda” though.) - 9.09 I KNOW I tossed until at least 3.00 this morning so waking at this hour is to be expected. Part of the restlessness was due to some GOD AWFUL “LUMP”-LIKE SOMETHING IN MY CHEST! COULDN'T TELL IF IT WAS GAS, FOOD, CEMENT, WHAT! For a while, I thought something in my chest would explode and that would be that. This morning, there's remnants of it. From chest to throat, like something's trying to get out of me. But... that's all for another day... and this is “another day”. - “Gauge cluster ” and “radio speakers”... those are just 2 of my personal things... that I need to address. I might be able to address the music, but the “clusterfuck”? It's going to cost me about 100 easily. I don't have the tools, won't buy the tools (soldering irons and the likes), I don't know WTAF I'd be looking at or connecting or... so no, it's a “pay some-body” job. Anyway... - Time to get up and do and be and move and such and shit. WHY? Just because I'm fucking awake and breathing... THAT'S “WHY”. - 10.13 Have to note (taking time from the re-naming of the 1600 song files): Shortly after the entry here, I stepped out to have a smoke. En route back in, stopped at the kitchen to find Mme. just having her breakfast. OK. So I commented on the cleanliness of the back, and how wonderful it looks now (thanks to Bradley, indeed, and yes of course). “I looked out there this morning and thought 'If we didn't get anything else good done for the week, that was very good.” Yeah? Nothing else done for the week? Honestly... no matter what; shit round here will never change. Never mind the trimming round the flowers, mowing the lawn, the pallets that were lifted and the cleaning that was done on that part of your shit-heap. Nah... She had her “crony” in to work, paid him (with all respect... which is something she doesn't do when I work), so the rest doesn't matter. Yeah, well... what-ever. As I told her, clearly, just about 2 days ago “Honey, you still don't seem to understand: I am NOT your 'friend'.” - 21.59 Mme. rolled off at about 16.00 rather upset because she'd discovered the “Oil Life” feature on her truck, indicating it was at “34%”. “I have a trip to CT coming and I can't afford to have this!” and “You're going to see Mike tomorrow, you tell him I'll be stopping by on Thursday!” and off she went. Well, I've looked it up and for the most part, nobody pays any attention to that thing. I don't even have it on my truck so... I'll ask Mike about it tomorrow but... I've sent her a link to a forum that I know she won't read. And so, I've resolved to ask Mike for my own reference and leave it all at that. - Meanwhile, the sun-flowers got tied back today. Looking neater. The back of the house got raked. I “sorted” the grape vine and put one of the old pallets up at the end by the walk to the Twats' residence for it to climb (and to try to keep their dog away from shitting under the porch window... but that's not really working well, of course). This evening, I pulled some grass from the garden and planted it in the empty spot under the porch windows. Looks silly. I'll have to work on something better... during the week... to pass time. - Ate the left-over “pot stickers” and yellow beans for “meal”. Went to the store for ice cream (eaten) and sour cream for the cukes, bag of crisps for... now, actually. Hoovered the floors. At 8p we all went for a stroll and came back to snax for them. I did my jammies-wash and then... SHOWERED! NICE NICE. CLEAN ME, JAMMIES, LINENS. Work clothes are in washing as I type. - I'm tired... REALLY tired. Haven't felt altogether well all day. Now “episodic” but remnants of the “lump” last night. But, I've worked through the day and now... V-ton poured and the wash is washing, the little ones are snoozing and I'm off to tele and maybe some crisps until the wash is done. - Tomorrow... 10.00... oil change! My “social calendar”. How fun! - By the bye... SHE TELLS ME... SHE'S LEAVING ON MONDAY NEXT AND “MIGHT” BE BACK ON WEDNESDAY NIGHT “OR EARLY THRUSDAY”. YEAH? FUCK YOU! Wednesday is my income day. It would have been nice to go to the Hudson Valley on Wednesday but... I thought, perhaps on Thursday. Well? If I decide to go on Thursday, she'll deal with it. I can't be “considerate” any longer. And as I thought tonight in the shower: That hotel in Cromwell when I went with her and had to “watch Hallie” and she told me to go visit Ev whilst she conducted business but didn't tell me how long she might be... yeah... the hotel in Cromwell... where *I* got the “room for the dog” and she didn't mind me having it. As I thought, remembering she's taking her “Yogi” again: I think we both know why I won't go with your any more. Stuck with the dog and stuck with only one vehicle? ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE? - (Never mind the question... we already know the answer.) - Wrap-up time! Tele!

Tue.14.Aug: 0.34 OK... DONE! - 0.45 THERE'S A FUCKING 14-YEAR-OLD RUNNING FOR FUCKING GOVERNOR OF THIS FILTH-FUCKING STATE! I CAN'T TAKE MUCH MORE OF THIS! - 8.57 and up at 8.00 the little one out, fed, back in, me to the coffee and the loo and first smoke and feeling like... well, of course, another day... SHIT! Grey out there. Drizzle. I get to drive the truck in the rain for the first time. And in moments, I'll have to be on the road and HOPE to have enough for this “oil change” today. Honestly, I'd like, very much, to just go right directly back to bed. Oh well. At least I managed to sleep through the night (morning?) and no leg/foot spasms until this morning. - Toddle time. - 10.46 AND... we're back. Labour at 10, oil at 2,99ea. 17,49, filtre (“Premium”, yeah, right) 4,99. Tax, of course, 1,38. Total: 34,31. Not bad at all. - Didn't rain whilst I was out. And it all went rather quickly, as far as I'm concerned. And I have a bit more confidence driving along now. Sure, there are “mechanicals” that can go awry. But the engine lubrication is SO important. AND... I've still got about 50 to my name! - NOW... that said, it appears I'll get a round-off of 10 miles to the gallon on this truck. 26gals. to the tank. 70mi. to the quarter tank (6,5gals.). This quarter has given me MAYBE 75mi. but I'm not at the very mark on the quarter yet and am already at 70mi. Calcs. come to 10,769mi. per gal. and that's on the local driving. Highway should be more. So... 280mi. to the tank and the trip to E. Parmenter is about 301mi. So... If a tank costs an average of 3,10 per gal... mid-octane... 80,60 per tank. Quarter tank costs 20,15. Total cost of just gas alone: 100,75 each way or 201,50 round trip with-out any extra driving about. Add to that, the additional to Danbury... and a perhaps motel for an over-night of at least 150. Well! This is already getting pricey. 351,50. And food's not included in that at all. If I set off with 850... 498,50 left over, as it were. I MIGHT just be able to swing it. MIGHT... JUST... Well... we'll see how it all goes in the meanwhile. As it is, there's still 49,00 here, on-hand, left to my name. (Yeah, there's 120USD in the banque too but...) - Anyway, I suppose I should toddle up the road and go place my vote for the primary new Governor. One more Conservative vote might not tip the scale but IF it's recorded any-where it might help “the cause”. No rush on that. (And I really want to get some grass transplanted today. Less to think about and more to stake a claim to.) - Oh well... another coffee before anything else. - I'm a bit hungry too, but I still have that “rock” in my stomach. AND... I'd like to have a NAP! - 22.15 And LATE AGAIN ALREADY! But I'm showered and clothes are in the wash. - GOT THE OIL CHANGED! Told Al to expect Mme. on Thursday. I said that she'd discovered the “oil life” function and is more concerned and worried about the oil for her coming trip. Also told him that I'd've told her but she won't listen to me. Any way... the oil is changed and I'm feeling better about it. - VOTED! Strolled up the road to see Pammie there at the “reception”. Interestingly, my name was on the roster and no ID necessary. Little town life. Fuck me. Pammie said she'd been by on Sunday after I'd mowed and how lovely it all looks. Poor dear... SO full of shit. Anyway... I voted. Anything to get Scott out. And no, I wasn't evil. I voted party line. - Walked back to the hole to be with the little ones and nap. It was TOO FUCKING HOT and HUMID to do anything out-side. - At about 16.30... the left-over chicken and rice “Chinese” and the blueberry cobbler that's been sitting in the fridge for over a week. Not bad... OK. - At about 18.00 I headed out to the garden and pulled-up some grasses which are now planted in “plugs” out back on the porch. Not too bad. It could use more. There's time and grass to add. Watered it all in and then... WE ALL WENT FOR OUR STROLL, CAME BACK IN, HAD SNAX and I finished the cobbler and relaxed a bit. - By about 21.30 I was in the loo, shaved, into the shower and the wash is in. - Now... I'm working on my schedule for MY trip! I keep forgetting that Mme. will be gone to CT on Mon-Wed (or Thu) next week so I have that time to get me together. Wed. is Soc.Soc. already. And then? The following week she's gone again... Mon-Thu. Thursday is my birth-anniversary. If I plan well, I could give the little ones their breakfast by 8.00 and be on the road by 9.00. If it takes me the 5 hours to get to Parmenter, I could be there by 14.30 latest, stop at Mum's, perhaps drop by to pppfffftttt Barbara for a moment and off to Waubeka! (MAYBE...) That nice Quality Inn Mme. and I stayed at when we went to CT together is only about 93USD per night... plus taxes and such of course. I COULD swing 100-150 for a night and stay on Thu., visit Waubeka on Friday and head back. So there's really no panic. I'd've LIKED to be at Mum's grave on the 22nd but... Shit in Shitholia. I CAN make it on Thursday and be there for my birth-anniversary. Anyway... nothing pressing. And with the addition of a motel? I'd be away Thursday and Friday and return Friday night. No “inconvenience” for Mme. And if yes? Inconvenience? Tough fucking shit to that! I've given MORE and been inconvenienced MORE. So she can stuff it. - Anyway... one note: Got a text at about 15.00: “Hi just wondering ho the oil change went for your truck and I guess I was just wondering what you told them I will be there on Thursday afternoon and I'm hoping that they won't give me any trouble about changing the oil and if that happens again another time I guess I'm not going to go there anymore to get an oil change any-ways so anyways in the meantime I do hope you are fine so let me know later okay thank you bye bye.” I simply replied: “Oil change went quick & fine. I told Al you'd be by on Thursday. Told him you're concerned about the “oil life” indicator. He'll be glad to explain it when you talk with him.” I ALMOST ADDED “It would behoove you to do your own checking on the 'oil function'. There's a lot of information readily available. And let's face fact: You don't check that indicator EVERY TIME you have your oil changed so you never knew any different before. And I was about to add: You don't pay attention to anything anybody says to you EVER, so stop shoving blame on others... even though it IS “typical” of you to do so. But... I didn't bother. She makes me SICK! QUNT! Well... she'll get what she gets on Thursday. I'm thinking of making an appointment to have their guy look at my speakers. I'd like to have music for the trip. (I'll drop by the Chevy dealership in Enosburgh tomorrow to ask about having the gauge cluster repaired. If need be... and if I can arrange to have it done on time, I might just send it off before the trip. But it would be nice if the guy at Mike's could fix the radio for under 100. - Wash is done... Dryer and v-ton time! (No muchies though... oh well.. not important.) - Tomorrow? Trash... and the garbage has to be put to the curb as well. That's all that's on the agenda. YAY! -

PS: 22.39 AND NO HOT WATER!!!! I WASHED ONE SET OF CLOTHES, A PLATE, DISH, SPOON AND FORK... TOOK MY SHOWER... AND NO HOT WATER TO WASH MY COFFEE MUG. JUST NOTING.

Wed.15.Aug: 1.33 and the timing doesn't improve. Well? LAST SMOKE! - 8.39 and the morning “routine” is done... from coffee, through breakfast and smoke. - Sunny. HOT. But the grasses are spiffy. It rained a bit over-night. YAY! - I'm feeling a bit like shit though. Well... only about 6 hours of sleep and two v-tons, no munchies. Alas. Next on the agenda... get the garbage to the curb. I don't want to get dressed and I don't want to “do” much of anything. I'm already “clammy” this morning. It's to be one of THOSE days, I suppose. Oh well. Just another day. - 29° and 94% humidity. No wonder, the “clammy”. At least I know it's not just me. - 19.09 BUSY DAY! Went through the luggage to find clothes that I should be wearing now... never mind saving for “special”, and pulling clothes for the trip to the HV. And... washing so much before packing and re-packing. Yes, it took ALL day. But it's worth it... I suppose.

SOMEBODY OVER ON THE SQUARE ROAD OR THERE-ABOUTS HAS A GUN AND HAS BEEN SHOOTING IT FOR THE PAST FEW MOMENTS. AT ONE POINT, I HEARD SOMETHING NEAR-BY “TING”, AS IF, PERHAPS, THE FLAG POLE IN THE BACK YARD OF 5225!!! THEY'RE STILL SHOOTING AND I'M NOT AT ALL COMFORTABLE WITH THIS SHIT. NO, I DON'T TRUST THESE IN-BREEDS WITHG WEAPONS, EVEN THOUGH IT'S THE EASIEST STATE IN WHICH TO GET A GUN, TO HAVE A GUN, AND THOUGH MANY DO HAVE THEM. I KNOW... TOO, TOO WELL, WHAT KIND OF RETARDS ARE AROUND HERE. AS I'M TYPING, ANOTHER “TING”. IF THERE'S ONE MORE AND I CAN FIGURE WHERE IT IS, THERE'S GOING TO BE A CALL TO THE POLICE. THERE'S A CAT AND A DOG IN THIS HOUSE WHO BOTH ENJOY BEING IN THE YARD, AND IF THE “TING” IS SO CLOSE THAT I CAN HEAR IT LOCALLY... YEAH... SOMEBODY'S GUN HAS GOT TO GO. MAYBE I'LL TAKE A RUN ROUND THE BLOCK AND SEE FOR MYSELF. WE'LL SEE HOW IT GOES.

Meanwhile... THE NEW NRA CARD ARRIVED TODAY WITH THE STICKERS!!! One is going into a window on the truck. Not sure which window and where, just yet, but one IS going. I've always wanted. - “Meal” was left-over Chinese dumplings that weren't cooked the other evening and the pasta stuff with Feta and I browned the burger meat. Strolled to the store for tonight's crisps and some ice cream (which is gone, of course). - Cash is getting a bit tight. But I have to keep in mind that Wednesday is the next soc.sec. day. - Tomorrow I'll have to run to Cowansville or... for smokes. Cowansville is cheapest but the gas... that has to be taken into consideration. (There's always the 100 and the 20 in stash.) - HAVE TO PHONE EV TOMORROW... for report on Lois. After all, Lois never really did anything (much) against me. She was always reasonably polite. - And will phone Mike to see about getting the radio working. If it can be done under the 100, I'll go for it and forfeit the “stash” until Wednesday or... use the next soc.sec. for that. I'd like, very much, to have, at least, MUSIC for the trip. - SO tired now. But there's the 8p stroll to come. - 21.31 THIS IS MORE LIKE IT! And I'm SHOWERED. The clothes are in a “quick” cycle. ALL's done except the Hoovering. Tomorrow morning. Done. And THEN? Off to... some-where for smokes. When I calc, the trip to Cowansville isn't worth the gas. The extra buck on smokes in Bedford comes out to be far less than the cost of the 4 gallons of gas I'd use on a trip to Cowansville. And there's nothing I need in Cowansville anyway. Shame really, that there's no place closer that would be the same price. Although, I'm not sure about the Sonic in Bedford. Perhaps I might try that tomorrow, then take a spin round to look at the side-streets for rentals. Just to check the “neighbourhood”... “environs” as they were. I don't know. Won't until I get there. - The gun-shits finally stopped and the thumping up-stairs commenced. This shit-hole will never change. - Not looking forward to tomorrow's encounter with Mme. and HER version of what transpired at Mike's. No matter what, I'll suggest, “in deepest sympathy” of course, that she return to Sears where she's “much happier”. I have to stop by Mike's tomorrow about the radio and I'll apologise then. WOW. I should know better than to recommend anybody to anybody for anything in this shit-hole state. - Well... that said, time to get to tele and v-ton. Tomorrow... the serenity (FUCK) ends. - 23.39 Going for last smoke. 2 left in pack. 1 for the morning... ROAD TRIP! to follow. - 2 v-tons. Not fucking tired. SHIT!

Richford through the windshiled of the Silverado. I MISS Richford!Thu.16.Aug: 9.23 already. Heard the 7.30 and dozed. Heard the 8.00 alarm and took my time getting up. Normal morning routine of coffee, pee and on to serving breakfast to the little ones. Then me to the loo for a while. Now, second coffee and shortly, second smoke. Need to dress, Hoover and get the day rolling. Smokes in the North, radio and gauge cluster in “the states”. Forecast looks delightful: no mention of 30-anything degrees for the day. Charmed, I'm sure. - Was in bed before mid-night, I do believe. Didn't bother to look. But... 2 v-tons. One loo-trip at about 2.00 this morning though. Anyway, it's another day... stiff neck and a bit of nausea. If I woke feeling delighted and delightful, I'd know I'd died in my sleep. - 9.50 Just getting to e-mails and what do I discover:
Jacqueline Luce-King 13 Aug 2018, 21:29 (3 days ago) to me hey do you think I have time to read all that crap. I'm 99% sure i checked to see that it was @ 100% when I drove away .Just tell them that I want another oil change on Thursday afternoon I should be there by 3pm thank you. I just don't feel I can take any chances J.
Well, good for you! Don't have time to read all that crap? More like you don't have the mental capabilities to appreciate anything that's ever done for you, don't have the mental capabilities to comprehend even the most basic of daily existence, don't have the emotional maturity of even an average adult. Clinical imbecile. Repulsive, pathetic moron. Oh well... you're on your own. As I've stated, clearly, directly, concisely: I am NOT your “friend”. Do what you will... I don't give a shit. Arse-hole. - 11.07 Floors are Hoovered and mopped. I'm quite dressed and, admittedly, procrastinating. It's terrible of me. And that e-mail is pissing me off. It shouldn't. But I feel I have to stop at Mike's and apologise ... not for her behaviour but for myself, having brought her to them. Oh well. I keep thinking: Her kids wanted her out of this house and in a “home” and she's here, primarily, because of me. I wonder: Some sort of “divine intervention” that I should have been around “for her”? Or simply the stupidity of “Life” in general? What-ever... I've made a mistake where she's concerned... but it has provided me with a place in which to reside and the situation provided me with the means to get the truck which provides me with the means to escape. - Now... time to get on the road, get my smokes and make my runs. Mike, for the radio; Chevy Enosburgh about the gauge cluster. What-ever will be... will be. - 15.28 AND... back at the “home”... with 5 packs of smokes and a few photos of Richford. Left at about 11.45 or so, went to Champlain Chevy. 325$ to “replace” the gauge cluster! It'll take about an hour, but at that price! SHIT! - Moved along to Mike's and Mike said I should check for the speakers, see if they're even there. (I'm just in... the speakers are “there” but one... the “tweeter” I believe... was removed and dangling. I'm in to learn how to remove the fucking panel now.) OK. Said I can bring it in if I want. Fine. - From there... up to Bedford dép for smokes. Crossing was a hoot. Young, fat little gal and a young fellow. She wanted to know all sorts of “How do you know this friend?” (meeting for lunch) and “Do you cross regularly? When was your last time?” Well shit! I'm on the border. WTF? But... no trouble. Off to the dép. for 5 packs and off on a trip to Freligsburgh... and the ch. Richford to the back Richford crossing where there were a few questions but once I said I was headed to Franklin via Richford, I suppose knowing where I was helped. Through. I stopped at Dollar General for fly paper. None. Then into Enosburgh to the Dollar Store there. None again. Grabbed 20 McFukkitz because I was HUNGRY and then to the Mobil for 20$ gas. *News: I should get about 300mi to the tank! It was about 80mi to the quarter tank! WOOHOO! - Up the State Park Rd. to... this shit-hole. And here I am. - Oh... I apologised to Mike for having brought Mme. to him. He took it all in stride. (I'm wondering why she isn't back yet, considering she was supposed to be at Mike's at 14.00. We shall see. I expect “nasty” when she returns. No prob. I don't give a shit.) - And now... on to trying to repair the radio. It's only the driver's side that doesn't work at present. - OH... SPOKE WITH EV THIS MORNING. LOIS HAD SURGERY YESTERDAY... DISCHARGE TO THE LAKE... TODAY! AND... “If you're here, you know where to find us.” says Ev. How sweet. - Now... back to work. - 21.11 Well... I got the panel off the door in the truck... and learnt that BOTH tweeters were simply hanging in there! I've removed the one from the driver's side because it's dead... as it the entire speaker-side. There's some kind of short in the passenger-side speaker. It's going to cost me to get this all repaired. I'll contemplate the possibility of getting a new radio, but I'd like to know if it's just the speakers that need replacing. That too, will, no doubt, cost me... to have it looked into. Oh well. But yeah, I do need a new radio anyway. We shall see what comes of it. Meanwhile, I'm rather proud to have gotten the panel off. - And the NRA sticker is now on the back window. Yep... Red-neck. (Now, to get the gun... perhaps September... happy birthday to me.) - Had 2 franks with Mme. this evening. All seems well with her. She had Mike's check her oil and re-set the “gauge” thing on the truck so she's relatively happy. (Hopefully she'll go back to Sears and leave Mike alone.) - I still can't believe I did all that travel today. Quite the voyage. But at least I'm more comfortable in the truck. (Mme. commented something about me not making any long trips in it. Gee, I wonder. Probably thinking that she can't afford to not have me here to attend to her affairs.) - And I over-heard her on the phone, chatting about Monday and having to be on the road by 9.00. Good. Another early beginning to peace. And I can then get on with my own hair-cutting and the likes in prep for my “not long trip” the following week. - One thing I have to note is that I saw my reflection in the glass at McD's today... I'm looking SO FUCKING COUNTRY! Still a bit on the “metro”-side, but body posture and gait is assuredly “country”. These 7 years HAVE take their toll. I'm not ashamed, rather amused though. - Anyway, it's a delightful night and no fan up. Not necessary. A bit chilly, as a matter of fact. “August”... hotter than all shit during the day and chilled nights. Though the heat's due to return. Not to the 40's, but still Humidex in the 30's. I ain't over yet. - Tomorrow, I get to ride along to the vet's and carry Mimou in the carrier. His “annual” physical. Should be fun (right). But I won't let him go alone. He rather depends on me and I'll be there for him. We're “Friends”. - Thinking: next week I'll contact those “we buy old cars” folks and see about just getting rid of it. Probably for not much more than 100$ but it's GOT to go! I've no more patience. And 100 is 100 more than I have now. So? So. Better to get rid of it at 100 than to wait until it's worth no more than 10. - Pondering a v-ton, no munchies, and at least one episode of “Miranda”. I'm tired, but... - Tomorrow is another day. Fuck. - 22.32 Either somebody's knocking on a door some-where in the house or the Twats are up there hammering again tonight. Either way... I almost have to laugh. I'm still awake, but Mme. went to bed about and hour ago. Well? Trash in the house? *I'm* the pain? Yeah. Right.

Fri.17.Aug: 0.58 Last episode of 'Miranda”... following on Twtr. SO FUCKING SAD! - 1 v-ton. Acid reflux. Gotta pee. - Time for lights out. - 8.40 after the 7.00, 7.30 and 8.00 alarms, I decided to get out of bed at 8.25 to pee (again, 3rd time this morning), coffee, and dress, yes, dress. REALLY stiff in the left side of my neck this morning. Well? Out for a smoke and a bit of Mme. already. Oh well. And it's grey, warm and humid. August. - Today, Mimou goes to the vet and of course, it had to be “Where's the carrier again?” Why? It's not as if YOU'RE going to get it. And as for me? I'm going along ONLY for a bit of support for the cat... to be certain. - The rest of my day? I've really little idea. Probably going back to sorting through all the music, and perhaps, making a CD or 2 for the “trip”. I also want to make a bit of a particular “album” of photos of here, on the lap-top, in case I bring it along... to show Ev (and Louis, of course). So? So... just waiting for the morning BM, as it were, to strike and it'll be “on with the day”... I suppose. - So much for 7 hours of sleep...Sleep? What-ever. - 22.02 MIMOU WAS AMAZING! I got him into the carrier and into the truck and held the carrier so that he could see out the front window. The trip TO the vet's was rather boisterous, but the trip back, much less. BUT AT THE VET? HE WAS REMARKABLY AMAZING! NO FLINCHING, EVEN WITH THE 2 SHOTS! NO MESSING ABOUT. IT WAS A MATTER OF OUT, ONTO THE TABLE, THE CHECK-UP, THE SHOTS AND BACK INTO THE CARRIER. PRECIOUS LITTLE MAN. The vet was all “No dry food” and I explained that he won't eat the wet food alone so he gets a little “crunch” in it and all's well. And she commented on the fact that he's gotten “fat”... at 14,6lbs. I pointed out that the last time she saw him he was just getting over the abscess and just coming in from the barn. Yeah... OK. But I know... she's another one of these “Vermonters”... can't stand to be corrected. Fukhuh. Hallie's down 2lbs (no thanks to me and giving her “full” meals of dry and wet food but... no thanks to the Mme. who keeps giving her all sorts of table food either). Anyway, it was a really quick trip there and back. - The day was grey so precious little got done. Though, I'm up to the “L” tunes on the “clean-up”. - Helped get the food processor running so Mme. could make pesto and we had that on ravioli with a bit of squash for “meal”. Filling? For the time. But fine enough. - And just now, I washed my mug and my glass, “borrowed” some ginger ale (flat) from the kitchen for my vodka tonight. - It's raining as I type... thankfully. Would be nice if it would do like-wise through the day tomorrow as well. But we shall see. - The house is going quiet at last and I'm off for a smoke and to get to bed. - Oh... after all that sorting of clothes and such... I'm down to 2 pairs of socks! I can't imagine what I've done with all the so many that I once had! (More “sorting” in the future... perhaps tomorrow... it just doesn't make any sense.)

Sat.18.Aug: (8/18 18.8 D18) 0.21 Lights out. - 6.46 and at 6.33 I decided to simply get up, get dressed, have coffee and smoke and here I am. Six hours of ... “sleep” and I'm up. It's grey. Drizzly. Cool. And I've no idea WHY I'm up... never mind awake. But I woke, couldn't get comfortable enough to go back to sleep and decided that I may as well be up. OK. So here we go. I'm not “rested”, by any stretch of the term. Not feeling particularly “GO GET'EM” at all. I'm just “awake”... for all it's worth. So? The day commences. There's a nap coming at some point. Indeed, there will be. Oh, and only one drink. And not a strong one, before bed. Hmmm... Let's see what this day tosses. Shall we then? - 7.13 Well... flyboi has arrived. “Is 7.00 too early... if I'm quiet?” he asked, yesterday. Oh fine. Yeah. Sure. TAP TAP TAP TAP not to mention the tee-hees of Mme. at the kitchen door. Now I know why I woke when I did. Ver-fucking-mont. - Working on “Proud” ring-tone anyway. - 8.13 “PROUD” is now on the iPod AND both phones as ring-tones! (Next: CD for the truck... but that's going to be part of a “comp-disc”... “inspirational” and “encouraging”... fuck me. - I'm TIRED! And, pretty much, fed-up with the day already. Welcome to another morning in... Shitholia. - 24.14 Worked on and completed phase I on the music list, all day. - It got warmer but not clearer until late. - t about 17.30, Mme. left for Jesus and didn't return until about 19.45. She'd gotten a bit “wined” at Pammie's and, well... you know... fuck the house... the nigger's here to attend. - But we had nice chicken, beans, potatoes and her attempt at “cuke salad” for “meal” so I can't really complain about much. - Mrs. Twat came looking for Mme. this evening. She wants to “talk with” Mme. tomorrow. I'm jotting:
My bet is they're not moving.
And so, on that note, it's about 15° out there tonight and chilly in here. Tomorrow? Maybe mowing... probably not. Grass transplanting in any case... just to pass the time. No v-ton tonight. I'm going to try sleep with-out. There isn't much left and won't be more until Wednesday... and even that's a bit of an “if” at this juncture. I want to save for the trip on the 30th. - That noted... time for lights out.

Sun.19.Aug: 9.00 PAINFUL SPASMS THROUGH THE NIGHT!!! It was another one of THOSE nights. No matter what position I laid in, BOTH LEGS again. Up and down and up and down all through. The alarms sounded this morning and I just couldn't wake up. AND, when I finally decided to get out of bed... MORE SPASMS. Charming. Add now, nice sun-shine and HEAT... or I've got fever. I'm clammy already this morning. Dressed in work clothes and clammy. A delightful beginning to the day. But... it's begun, so, let's just see what transpires through the rest of it. I'd like to get some more grass transplanted. I'm not thinking in terms of mowing because, well, moving vehicles is an “inconvenience” to “them”. If they're moved, fine. If not, fine. Anyway... on with the day. - 21.41 Let me start with “what I have one today to make me feeeeeel proud”: I went to the squash and pulled more grass... not quite as much as I'd've liked... since I'd like to have it gone away from the squash plants but it's just TOO much work for no gratitude (and even *I* wouldn't appreciate it). BUT... a hay-cart full that got transplanted to the back of the house and it looks quite well, I must say. As I planted, the idiots (Twats) moved their vehicles to the front of the house, if you can imagine. Anyway, I planted the grass then mowed that section of lawn and watered, watered watered the newly-planted grasses. Next? Well... Mme. took off for what-ever (Hallie swimming) and I got to the mowing in earnest. Down the lilies, across the green-house and THEN... moved the Subaru and mowed the length of the South lawn. Imagine my surprise when, I'd done the back garden area and was beginning the general back yard when the Twats moved their vehicles back to the drive so I could do the FRONT yard! So I immediately went to the front, got that done and finished off the back. It must have been about 17.30 when I finally got off the mower and was heading for a smoke when Mme. pulled back in. I'd started the work in the yard round about 11.00... so it was 5,5 hours of work... none of which was *really* appreciated. BUT... ALL the while I was mowing I listened to “Proud”... Ms. Heather Small... “What have you done to day to make you feeeel proud?” (Having seen “Miranda” actually HAS made quite a difference in my life... for the better, to be sure. I want, so much, to write her on it. Perhaps, one day, I shall.) - Anyway... for “meal” this evening, we had 2 franks, some “pasta salad”, as it were, and fried squashes. I ate enough, indeed. And had a beer with. - I've taken 2 of those “muscle relaxer” tablets from Jean Coutu... at 17.30. Sribe is 1 or 2 every 4-6 hours. They've helped with the lingering tightness in my legs. But I think I'll have a v-ton anyway... just to be “sure”. - OH AND OH AND OH AND OH!!! Seems the Twats won't be leaving until October earliest now. (I SO enjoyed telling Mme. “I toldya so!”) BUT BUT AND BUT... THEY PAID HER THE BALANCE OF SEPTEMBER RENT!!! AND Mme. GAVE ME ANOTHER 100!!! THE “AAA” MEMBERSHIP IS COVERED! AND IF ALL GOES WELL... IT WILL BE IN EFFECT BY NEXT THURSDAY (WHEN I HEAD DOWN TO THE HUDSON VALLEY... IF ALL GOES WELL). I've been trying to “budget” all this shit and here, this 100 certainly helps a greatest deal. I'm going to see if I can bring the truck in to Mike and have somebody look at the radio this week. I DO have to buy new speakers too. But we'll see how it all works along. Still, mean-while, that extra 100 comes in perfectly wonderful (in spite of the fact that it's another month of having to put up with the Twat-trash... Oh well... Nothing comes free in life). - And so, right now, 'tis time to ponder a bit of some sort of “tele” for the evening. - Mme. will be leaving early-ish in the morning and has already made it clear that she's uncertain as to her return. No prop. I'll be equally uncertain about the following Thursday when I'll either leave a note or just go and if I stay over-night, send a text. What-ever. Mutual respect. She doesn't tell me... I've no need to tell her. The only concern is that the house is kept-up and the little ones are fed and cared-for. If I leave on Thursday morning, she's due back Thursday afternoon... she can feed them. They'll be in the house for only hours. Hallie's done that, and Mimou has a litter box... in case. NO PROBS. - Wrap-up time. - Wow... I have to cut my hair, file my nails, replace the teeth band and get a bit of colour on my face before this “adventure”. Oh well... there's time. In my head I keep thinking it's THIS Thursday... But it's because Wednesday is Mama's 30th yhartzeit. I still can't believe that. 30 years... I was 33 years old when she left. Time is just buzzing by me. And as “life” settles into something that makes me happy... it slips away. Typical. Fuck

Mon.20.Aug: 0.44 and 1,5 v-ton, 2 episodes of “Jeeve and Wooster”... not too bad at present. Let's see how it works out. - 8.10 and up, work clothes in the wash, had coffee and smoke. Mme. is off an on the road. I feel as though I could go back to bed... Sleep would be nice. But... Saw me in the loo mirror. Eyes are a bit blood-shot. I wonder why. Too much sun and dust and such yesterday? I feel “normal”... ick. The sun is shining. It's not too hot yet. There are things that I should do with this day, including, not limited to getting money into the banque and getting “AAA” and perhaps, if I get adventurous, try for speakers for the truck. I'd LIKE to get them in QC, save me some cash, but I don't like the idea of putting too many more miles on the truck before the trip next week. Oh... the decisions of a morning. Always something to be “concerned” about. No doubting my family lineage: worry. As life is, the only way to actually know what will be is... what it all “was” at day's end. So? We toddle along. - There were 2 e-mails on the Subaru yesterday. Let's see how THAT turns out. I'm not putting any hope on it. Would be nice, the extra 300. But... never mind, I suppose. Again... just toddle along with the day and tonight we'll know for certain. - No more vodka. And really, not enough to get more at the moment. But it must help with the leg spasms. The legs aren't perfect, but there was only one episode last night and not too bad. The right leg. I had to get up and walk along the porch for a bit. I wish I knew what's causing these spasms. AND... I HOPE I don't have any as I'm driving! - Well... morning, new day, old shit to deal with. On we go. - 13.19 AND... I'M IN THE “AAA” TODAY! - It was a nice morning, driving round... First to the banque in Enosburgh to break the 100 bill... with-out ANY trouble AT ALL! AMAZING. Then... up to the banque to make the deposit... with-out AY trouble at borders NOR at the branch. Then... roll back to the house where Mark is painting the garage window. Chit-chat and in... on-line and DONE! So... I'm covered by AAA now. (Too bad I can't print my temp cards here. But MAYBE I can get them done at the library... for an additional cost of 20-fucking cents.) ANYWAY... Beautiful day, but the sun's a bit on the hot side. I'm thinking of going out to the squashes and clip the grasses... Get some sun-shine and colour and make the garden “look nice”. (Yeah... I know... fuck me.) - 22.06 Just out of the shower. Work clothes in the wash. I accomplished NOTHING with the rest of the day. I tried to weed the squashes but truly, it's a lost cause. They're almost dead. Mush. The grass holds the dampness which rots the stems. Typical: she planted and walked away, expecting somebody else to do the work. Well? Fuck you it's fucked. - And I watched a bit of TV. Not much... I napped only a mere bit. - And tonight, had left-overs pasta and squash. No dessert. - Now? Getting ready to hit the bed and hoping for some interesting tele and the last of the vodka... on top of the hefty rye and ginger I've already had... as a precaution for SPASM-LESS night. - Oh... Hoovered. Not strictly, but enough to “clean”. I can't be bollocksed tonight. - Tomorrow... recycling. YAY! Fewer flies. And after that? I don't know. MAYBE I'll try getting some sun... in the back of the truck. (I'll probably burn half to death.) But... that's that for this. Off to wrap this fucking day... and move on.

Tue.21.Aug: 0.59 and it's lights-out after finishing the vodka... 2 “light” v-tons”. Let's see how THIS night rolls. Fuck. - 9.07 and up for a pee at about 6.30... back to bed until the 8.00 alarm, much to the chagrin of the little ones... and the “tap tap” of the window-painter. Yep... the day commenced with that shit. Oh well... Recycling is out, I've had my morning shit and am on the 2nd coffee. We roll along... in Shitholia. - 19.03 Well... Melody and her Mum, Anna, came by to see the Subaru today. I was brutally honest and Anna's still considering. Bless them both, they came from Walden which is by St. Johnsbury which is quite a trip! (I'm jotting because it's smoke-time but I wanted this recorded as a reminder.) - 21.57 HAIRS CUT! Admittedly, they need a bit of “refining” but, it's a fresh, new me tonight. And showered. So I'm actually “spiffy”. - OK. So... “meal” was left-over chicken, potatoes and I turned the beans into a “salad”, vinegar-oil. Not too bad. I was looking rather “wrinkled” today, so I have to watch my eating. - Mark called himself “finishing” the windows... but some of them don't open and others don't close. Well? She gets what she deserves. (Oh, and he tells me that her Raymond... the Luce... was, allegedly, some kind of BRILLIANT! Apparently she has a “penchant” for the brilliant... or, as Mark said: “She's attracted to very intelligent men.” I replied “Yes. So she can drive them insane.” Anyway....) - At 20.00 we all went for stroll and I had a bit of pasta salad after. Eating... keeping on the weight. - I've calc'ed my finances for tomorrow. Will get the “Silverado” emblem and then toddle to the ATM to get the rest of the cash. It pisses me off terribly, when I do this... and see the money I'm NOT getting. But, I'm living with what I have. I just have to make certain NOT to “shop” until next week. May the truck hold through it all. - Cleaned the music files down today. Tomorrow, I can burn a few CDs for travel... just like the “old days” ... buzzing along the Northway. - That aside, I've taken one of the “muscle relaxers” and have a glass of rye, with a bit of tonic and some ginger ale. The clothes are in the wash so I'll have a while to watch tele or something. Tomorrow morning it will be “up and out and round about”. - And a “message” from Mme. “So far so good but I'm still concerned about the oil I'll get it checked before I head north. We are in Banbury, Listening to Trump. I'll be ready for *sleep emoji* soon!” Sent at 20.29. Her and the fucking oil. I'm ignoring the whole ordeal. Let her do what she should... stay the fuck with her Sears or where-ever. I've not energy for being annoyed any more. - On that note... We'll see what happens with the Subaru on Thursday. Anna said she'd have somebody tow it if she decides to take it. I just hope it all goes well for her. I don't know all of what's needed and she said that I shouldn't be so concerned. I've been brutally honest with her. She thanked me for that. Oh... and she's to turn 63 in October! Imagine that! - Time to wrap this all up. I need to un-wind and be fresh in the morning. - I keep thinking of tomorrow... 30 years. I was 33 when Mum died. In 3 years from now it will be exactly half of my existence with and half with-out her. OK. So I wouldn't wish her being here now... unless she was at 100% perfect health and contentment. But it just doesn't seem possible. And I wonder: I started smoking at a MUCH MUCH younger age than she did. Why do I get saddled with all these extra years? SHE loved life... I never did... and I'm still not really fond of it. But... such is life... indeed... *Such Is Life*. - Fuck. -

MAGGOTS INSIDE THE KITCHEN WSATE BIN! AT 9.00 IN THE MORNING! Wed.22.Aug: 30 YEARS... MAMA... 30 YEARS! IMPOSSIBLE! But I ask: WHY do I have to be cursed with these years beyond 55? I mean... c'mon. I started smoking at a MUCH earlier age than you, and so, I don't understand. But 30 years... I was only 33 years old when you left. It's almost at the half-point of my entire existence now. - 0.14 Done... - 8.09 I woke with the 8.00 alarm to SPASMS... BUT... slept through the night. But I do believe the “alarm” is fast... or... this computer clock is slow because the little ones have had breakfast, I've had coffee and smoke. Hmmm.... - Feeling a bit on the “OK” side and a bit on the “shit” side this morning. And there's much to be done. (I still have to check the card balance... DREAD!) - Anyway... loo time and litter and trash to the curb and then... ROLL! - 9.22 Out to the road. - 11.33 FUCK ME FUCK ME FUCK ME!!! BUSTED TAIL LIGHT COVER... AND... NAPA WANTS 167$ EACH! CHAMPLAIN CHEVY DOESN'T HAVE THEM IN STOCK. FOUND THEM ON-LINE AT JUST UNDER 80$ FOR BOTH. BUT... NOT UNTIL 28TH! FUCK! - Well, I probably should have known better... this isn't exactly “the day” for travel or much of anything else. - Details? Well... I headed out and to the local banque to pull the 840 off the card at TD, then to the BevMart to return empties and get another bottle of vodka. The back door to bottle-returns was closed so I drove to the front, walked in, asked if redemption was open. Yeah... but I had to go BACK round to the back of the store! They wouldn't let me just walk through! So I left... Went to Hannaford's to return the soda bottles and get crisps (to replace Mme.'s) and soda for me. Fine... Decided to go to Wetherby's in Richford for the vodka and redemptions... It was a beautiful drive over Watertower Rd. and into town. Richford is looking quite sad these days though. Anyway got the vodka at Wetherby's and headed over the Troy Rd. to redemption (which is closed, of course). Got stuck driving up the mountain and found a place to turn round... backed in and... RIGHT INTO A FUCKING ROCK! CRUCH AND CRASH! THANKFULLY, ONLY THE TAIL-LIGHT COVER GOT BUSTED. IT COULD VERY WELL HAVE BEEN WORSE. BUT... I headed, immediately, to Napa in Enosburgh where the guy said they'd have to order the part(s) (since both have to be replace now to match). Looked it up on their computer and said 167$... EACH! Recommended a salvage yard. Yeah? Well... off I went to Champlain Chevy... and of course, THEY don't have them in stock either! WTF? The guy took my number and said he'd call in about 20 minutes. Well... it's been OVER 20 minutes and no call. Typical. Meanwhile, I've found them on-line BUT I'll have to go to Bedford to make a deposit to order on-line! Another trip today? And another trip to Bedford. Customs? I wonder. And... more money out of my travel. Well... I DID figure I'd have about 300 over the base necessities... here we go. - 11.57 Ordered the SILVERADO letters for the truck. Due by 28th. Let's see... HAHAHAH. FUCK. - 13.39 WELL INDEED INDEED THANK YOU CALLER! DONE! DEPOSIT TO BANQUE, 2 SMOKES, COFFEE CRISP ICE CREAM, CRUSITNIS, *WEETABIX* (AND GOT THE CRUSTINIS ON SALE!). Zip up. Zip back. In... moments, go. Back... asked if I had any “goat or lamb”. I just laughed. Zip-zip. DONE! But now I'm wound! And... for some reason, Hallie's smelling awful! The whole house stinks of DOG! I wonder... Diet? Something else she ate? Who knows. - Anyway... the “Silverado” emblem AND the tail lights are due to arrive on Tuesday! That would be delightful... a “detailing” day. Now... to hope that the rest of the truck holds. And... so much for “a relaxing couple of days” before the road trip. But, I suppose it's better. And... the tail lights cost me 101,01CAD (79USD)... a FAR CRY FROM THE 240USD they wanted at Napa. OK. So, I was never really fond of the tail lights to begin with. That black fancy stuff and all just, well, isn't me, much. So? Instead of waiting and maybe never changing... they'll be changed now. AND, hopefully, with-out too much (any!) bull-shit! - So now on to cleaning the house a bit and getting to “my” day. I still want to make CDs. But there are a few things that have to be done (like getting rid of the dog smell... for starts). - OH OH OH! ALMOST FORGOT TO MENTION... TAKING OUT THE GARBAGE THIS MORNING... THE BIN LID WAS COVERED IN MAGGOTS! FUCKING PLACE IS A DEATH TRAP. FUCKING SLOB. (And she sent a text wanting to know where “that ice cream place” is... Dr. Mike's. I've ignored it. None of your fucking business. WE were supposed to go when WE went to CT. You think I'm going to make your trip nice? BOLLOCKS. I'm returning the “kindness”.) - 22.53 Well, she rolled in at about 21.20 and... well indeed... BLOW-UP! AND SHE ADMITTED TO HAVING TOLD PAMMIME THAT I'M “VERBALLY ABUSIVE” AND THEN BLAMED ME, COMPLETELY, AND TOLD ME TO MAKE ARRANGEMENTS TO LEAVE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, THAT SHE DIDN'T NEED ME OR MY NEGATIVITY. “NO WONDER YOU DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS.” YEAH? WELL, SHE GOT TOLD THAT IF HER KIDS EVER WANTED MY HELP GETTING HER PUT INTO A HOME, THEY HAVE IT BECAUSE SHE'S ILL: NEVER TO BLAME FOR ANYTHING, NEVER RESPONSIBLE FOR ANYTHING. Meanwhile, this room smells of vomit (yes, ice cream in a bucket it is). And so... the 22nd of August ends. And “WHEN YOU MAKE YOUR TRIP TO NY, IF AT ALL POSSIBLE, DON'T COME BACK.” Yeah? Try pulling shit. Let's see how far you and your “Holier than thou” gets you. Sick Qunt. - Anyway... time to put it all behind. - Oh... “The reason I brought you in here was to take care of my dog.” Fine... let's keep that in mind... dog, house, lawn, property... let's keep that all in mind. Well, at least she knows that I know how she's stabbed me in the back and she knows that I know how she lies about me round the town. All's done there. As for the tossing out? Let's see how far that goes. Let's. She wants to go to Montreal in October and then off to Florida? Let's see how that turns out. No doubt she'll lie to Amie ... no doubt at all. No doubt at all. - I'm fed up.

Thu.23.Aug: 0.00 Just finishing a stint on the Twtr and managed to post a vid of the maggot in the kitchen bin an the bin out-side the window (lid under it). Soon... photo of the house, after the kitchen sink photos and other such. Won't be much “assistance” to me, but at least it'll get to about 1300 folks. Compliments of the “verbally abusive” one. It's all going to get out and around... one way or another. - Right now, pondering just going to sleep on the bed... dressed. I'm actually tired. Was looking forward to a v-ton tonight... nope. I don't think so. - Hopefully the stench of vomit will stick in the house for a bit. Time... - I browsed flats again. So many are still there, re-posted from months ago. I don't know how I can afford to get out of here right now, but... getting out is necessary. I'd like to see who she'll get to mind the place in October when she toddles back to Florida. (I have to contact her idiot daughter to straighten some things out as well. I'll not have them thinking of me as something I'm most certainly NOT.) Oh... and there's the matter of her “ticket” to Boccelli... 21st Oct. I believe. Yeah... that's not happening. Hopefully she can get her money back. - 10.01 and, slept through the 2 alarms this morning to wake at 9.44. Just in from smoke and feeling as if I could shit and vomit my insides out all over the town. “That's why you don't have any friends.” No, I HAD “friends”... they're dead. I don't have any HERE because there aren't any people that have ever proved them-selves “trust-worthy”, there aren't any people here who are “friend” material. There aren't any people here who are capable of having any intellectually stimulating conversations. There aren't any people here who are worth the time or effort. There aren't any people here who know what a “friend” is. There are plenty who'll do something for others ONLY if it serves their purpose, makes them appear “better” in the eyes of their own peers. Just like your “Andrew”, who, offered to “help” with your garden to serve his purpose of making his “pot pies” and getting his photo and story in the local news rag. That, pretty much, sums it up. And then there's you: “Look and see all that I've done for....” “I'm so holy, so Godly, so 'Christian'.” Yeah... and I'll spread rumours about you, behind your back, stressing and expounding upon all your traits that I find negative. Yeah... THAT'S why I don't “have any friends”. But you're too dense, too brainless to even begin comprehending that fact. - Moving on. - I'm still nauseous this morning. Terribly much so. It's going to be interesting to see if/when I actually vomit all this shit up out of my gut. - Meanwhile... I had a DREAM about the Subaru. It was a darkish day, very dark, cloudy. The car had been parked in the yard, and I was in an upper flat or room. Woke early and looked out the window to see the car in the street! It had, apparently, rolled off the lawn and into the street (though in the dream, it was more a “city” street” than the Highgate street here) and it had been hit, several times, as if somebody didn't see it and had run into it. I was nervous, thinking that I'd be hunted-down and held accountable for all the damage to the other vehicles and the nuisance that it had caused, being in the street because, it was perpendicular to the side, across the street. I looked a few times, to see what people were doing about it. For the most part, traffic moved around it. Every now and again, somebody would walk by, look at it and appear disgusted. There was a woman in the dream... a “Mme.” sort, though a combination of her and “Liz”, just making antagonisingly annoying comments like “It's in their way.” and “It just looks terrible there.” and when I asked what, exactly, I should do about it, the answer was the same: “Oh, I don't know. Just leave it. Somebody'll probably move it eventually.” And so the dream went on that way, in the dark, the grating voice of “It's in the way.” and “It just looks terrible there.” (Mme. was probably on the phone and her grating whine was probably scratching its way through the wall... as it usually does, and got incorporated into the dream.) Finally, toward the end of the dream, I looked out to see the car, hooked onto the back of a large garbage truck. The “Mme.” looked too and said “Well, they're finally just carting it away.” I asked “Will they come after me for the costs?” She replied “I doubt it. They'll probably just treat it like junk and haul it some-place. I don't think you need to be bothered by it any more. Just let it go.” I was relieved to hear that and yet, nervous... because I didn't trust her judgement. And the dream ended. - And so, I've had my coffee, pee'ed in the bottle, had my smoke... with Mimou on my lap as I sat on the back steps. - “Plans” for this sunny, but chilly day: Make the music CDs for the truck. Something to keep occupied and out of the way. - Oh... and by the way... when I went for my smoke: the little HomeDepot Christmas cactus had been knocked over. Gee. I wonder who did that. And... there's an envelope on the porch, addressed, in not-so-tidy print: “J. Luce”. I THINK I'd heard somebody knock, on the kitchen door or the wall or something, earlier. Who knows? Maybe her Mark left her a bill? What-ever. (Or... I wonder if I've annoyed the town's folk some-how and they're leaving nasty notes. Time will tell.) - For now... I'm supposing she's taken Hallie and they're off to the post office or on the road or something. I just heard her leaving. - And me? I stink... of sweat and general “ick” this morning. “Body rot”. Charming. - 10.49 Just putting all of the 14 pages I've been jotting, onto the WP blog and the Domain and, as I'm up-dating, a little memo from WP:

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! THE WP BLOG IS 6 YEARS OLD TODAY! LoupNordique ON-LINE (WP) HAS BEEN RUNNING FOR 6 BLOODY YEARS! JEEZIS! TIME ISN'T FLYING... IT'S DYING! (I wish I had already.)

20.26 Another day draws to a close... and this morning, as I was having my smoke, Mme. comes onto the porch with a cheerful “Good morning.” and then says, seriously “You and I need to talk.” Fine. I had my smoke, she went a cut flowers and when we were both done, I took my coffee and went to the kitchen. The gist? “I don't need the aggravation. I have a lot on my mind and I was happy to be home last night after a nice trip and I don't even know what brought all of that on.” Well, I just let her run with her topic... topics, because, as usual, she bounced all over the room with topics. Bottom line: If you're going to stay here I can't take any more of what happened last night.” I've heard it before. I'll hear it again. And she'll go out of her way to cause shit because, well, that's what these people (?) do: They HATE calm and will do all they can to create conflict when there's, what they perceive as “too much calm”. And this one's no different. So? So... it all goes back to where it was and where it all will be. - Meanwhile, I mentioned that I'd fix the windows so they close because Mark didn't bother but left a bill on the porch (the envelope) for about 780$. She offered to pay me. Yeah. Sure. And re-offered to pay to paint the flat up-stairs. Yeah... well... what-ever. So much for all the bull-shit. We move along. - I spent the day working on the music files for the CDs I want to burn. She made ratatouille with the veggies from the garden, some rice and a bit of fish. I was invited to dine. I did... ever so little because, quite honestly, I'm not feeling “well” at all. But I know that I have to eat to maintain a “healthy appearance”, especially if I'm to go to NY/CT next week. - On a “fun” note, I finally sanded that little wooden box I found discarded in the white room and have put 5 coats of clear, auto varnish on it. Looks quite nice at present. It'll have to “cure” tonight, but I'll make it worthy of the little heart-shaped stone from Tilden... which is what I want it for anyway. - So now... I took the little ones out for 8pm stroll, brought them back, stood and watched a few moments of TV as Mme. snoozed on the royal recliner and now, I'm in the room for the night. Tomorrow? I don't give a shit. All I truly need do is make it through the week-end and hope that my truck bits arrive soon enough to apply before time to hit the road. - Oh... Anna phoned. I didn't answer. She left a message that her mechanic said it would cost about 2k to get the Subaru running. Well, the dear (and she is), says she's “up in the air” about it, but I keep thinking... What do you want for 300$? At this rate, if it's not gone by Monday, I'll set out to just sell it... even for 50$. I want it GONE... especially after last night's dream. - Time to roll along. I MIGHT treat me to a v-ton and crisps tonight. - And it's another chilly one. I slept IN the sleeping bag last night... looks like tonight's going to be a repeat. But, UN-like last night, tonight I won't close the door... unless it's absolutely necessary.

Fri.24.Aug: 1.19 “Call The Midwife”. Taken by Miranda Hart. “Bucket List”: Hugs of sincere gratitude. - 2 v-ton and crisps. Weary but not tired. Fuck this place, the people and attitudes. I have to stop caring about their opinions. - REALLY need to tell Dennis. May Thursday permit me... PLEASE DAMN IT! - 9.47 and just in from smoke. AGAIN... heard the alarm and just dozed... until 9.34! And, as usual, woke feeling like I;d not slept for weeks. It's not the vodka. It's every day. Either I'm actually falling apart here or it's just the general oppression of this place. Either way, it's a horror. Oh well. What-ever it is... it is. - On with another day. - 22.57 and TIRED! Didn't do much of anything all day except make a few CDs... one of “QC country” for Mme. At about 16.30 I bolted to ACE for that “CRC Cleaner” to try it on the volume dial on the truck radio. (It worked... a touch... I think, but I didn't spin the knob enough... I'll be giving it another shot tomorrow.) - Dined with Mme. Burger and corn. - I NEED to “fill” my teeth before travelling! - And other-wise... this day is done. I'm exhausted from nothing. Let's see how late I “sleep-in” tomorrow! Kriste! I don't wake until it's time for sleep.

Sat.25.Aug: 1.43 Two episodes of “Call The Midwife” and this one hits “home”... to the heart. - “Friends”. She says I have no “friends”... truth is... SHE KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT ME. NONE OF THESE IN-BRED IMBECILES KNOWS ANYTHING ABOUT ME. Friends? She has friends? They invite her to dine and she washes dishes. She invites them to dine and SHE gets left with the washing-up. 3 hours of “security guard” and “I'll write the cheque”? Nobody comes to help with the garden. I've been here to watch the dog/cat/lawn/house... alone. WHAT A FUCKING QUNT IN A TOWN OF TWATS. - One last smoke... Yesterday is done. - 8.15 and up and coffee'ed and pee'ed and dressed. Don't know why. Don't know why I bother. Don't know why I've got some kind of stone in my chest and a metal shaft in my neck on the left side. And the morning begins with the thought of “That's why you don't have any friends.”, which is the thought I went to sleep with. I'd thought, last night, of starting HER day with “We need to talk and you need to pay attention.” but you know... it's worthless, on all counts. She won't listen and she's not worthy of knowing what I have to say about: how much honour I put into the title “friend”, how many friends and “friends” I've had and probably still have, a reminder of who HER “friend” is... the one who came and helped clean this fucking dump, maintained the fucking place even before residing in/on it, the one who maintained the vegetable garden and did damned-fucking-bloody great with it - as is now obviated by the fact that last year's “crops” were shit and this year's crops are gasping for light and air under weeds and grasses.... Yeah? “Friends”? You mean all those fuckers who marched in to grab all the freebie vegs that YOU didn't bother with when it came to fertilising and weeding, and who won't come round to help with any of it now? “Friends”? You mean like Ms. Piggie...er... Pammie... who sits up the road on her fat little twinkle-arse and comes to “visit” you only when you're serving food... and then promptly leaves... with-out so much as an offer to help with the washing-up... or Jess who gives all sorts of advice on all sorts of matters and when the matters get difficult, whines about some weakness of heart or such? As I've said before: I see no paths being trod to the door by the happy villagers and “friends”. Nay. I'm rather getting the notion that my presence here is much like my presence with Margot, (as Joe put it: We're so grateful that you've come because now she won't be terrorising us!). ANYway... no sense in going over any of this with her. The echo of words spinning round in the vast void that is her skull... - Never mind. Another morning in Shitholia. Time for morning smoke... hopefully a good shit... and well... hopefully she'll find some-place to “go to” and “be at” today. What-ever. - 22.21 and all in the house are tucked-away. As for the day? I got NOTHING... really... I tried to work on the radio in the truck a bit more but the stuff doesn't work. Looked-up a new radio... 100USD... not too bad but it wouldn't arrive until next Friday so... fukdatshit. - Took a look at Nbg on the ggl maps today. WHAT A FUCKING DUMP! IT LITERALLY MADE ME SICK TO MY STOMACH! BUT... I WILL GO (should the truck permit) on Thursday... see Mum's grave, Dennis, maybe Barbara for a moment and then to Ev. I NEED a little get-the-fuck-away from here. (Although I have apprehensions about leaving this room un-attended for too long... not that there's anything in here that she could make any horrific use of, especially since most is in boxes, but... it's a “trust” issue again... and I've never had so little trust in so many and so much in my life-time as I do here. But... I won't be tied to this shit-hole any longer.) - Moving along... I napped for about 20 minutes during the day. Had 2 Weetabix when Mme. took her “walk” up to Ms. Piggie. She came back and went off to “church” with-out saying that she was leaving. When I went into the kitchen, Hallie and Mimou were there... a note on that table that Hallie had had dinner, AND A CARD ... which is still there... for my birthday. (I DON'T WANT ANYTHING FROM HER!!! Tho... if there's a 20 in there, it will help with the trip on Thursday and yes, it's true... I HAVE EARNED it.. .at least.) - We dined. Stuffed peppers... from the garden, and a beer. - She took Hallie out for the 8p. Mimou didn't go with. Oh well. - And just now I went to check the balance at the banque and on-line is down. But I PANICED! RANG CUSTOMER SERVICE and spoke with a delightful fellow, Ray. Yeah... it's down for a few hours so all's well with the account and card. THANK YOU! MERCI! - Anyway... time to get to a little tele and a v-ton. I NEED one of those right about now. I snuck to the store at about 19.00 for a bag of crisps. - Tomorrow is another day... and I'm glad today is finally GONE!

Sun.26.Aug: 1.25 Odd... just breaking from “Call The Midwife” for a smoke and in the comfortably warm breeze... the sound of a cicada or some other insect, carried on the air. It's always been dead silent at night, for as long as I can recall here. Save, of course, for the ocassonal moron in a loud truck or some passing, strange vehicle. But tonight, in the hazy darkness, broken only by the dim light of a moon, desperately attempting to cast an erie light over everythinig... the sound of wings grinding. Is it cicadas? Is it a “cycle”? 13 years, I believe. What? What is it? And why now? Now, when I'm thinking of seeing Dennis again? Why? I have to wonder. - Meanwhile... occupied with the statement “You have no friends.” A statement made by some idiot who knows absolutley dead-on nothing about me, about my real past, about my existence, my life-time. Judgemental damned fool idiot. And I have to ask my-self: Why, in fuck's name, do I even give a shit? They're ALL the same: judgemental, based on absolute blind ignorance and utter stupidity. - I'll finish this episode and call it a night. It's been only one v-ton... and there won't be another... not tonight. - What fuckery this place and these inhabitants are. - 1.57 Finishing tele. Finishing the v-ton. Having a smoke... Finishing the ... day... starting the next. BOLLOCKS! - 8.31 Up and I've no idea why. - 9.44 Typed that, aid back down for about 10 minutes and my sinuses just cleared themselves and all felt SO much better. Interesting. - And now, up, dressed, 2nd smoke, and coffee in progress. Mme. is at table having breakfast and the day is under weigh. It's Sunday... lawn-mowing. I doubt I'll be doing anything of the sort. Firstly, gas is low. Secondly, incentive is non-existent. Thirdly... I just don't give a shit. Fourthly, it isn't REALLY necessary. So? Fill the day... with... what-ever. - 16.31 She's JUST rolling back in and I'm JUST getting out of the shower, and my clothes are JUST in the wash. Fuck it all anyway because EVERY FUCKING WINDOW HAD TO BE PLANED WITH A RASP, BY HAND... EACH AND EVERY FUCKING WINDOW. AND I ONLY JUST FINISHED FROM ABOUT 13.00. - 16.50 AND OF COURSE, I TOLD HER THAT I'D JUST FINISHED AND SHOWERED AND DID EVERY WINDOW AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE. BUT... there's no sense explaining astro-physics to a goldfish. I let it go. *What have you done today to make you feel proud?* I fixed the fucking shit-job that 25$/hour moron didn't do... AGAIN. - And so... the day has rolled to evening and evening will soon roll to night and night will soon roll to end and tomorrow is... HOPEFULLY... she goes to work. - 24.57 Well... yes, it's already tomorrow, Monday, and I'm just finishing 2 episodes of “Midwife”, but I've not recorded dinner... of franks, cucumber and 3-bean salad. Filling and really delicious, I have to admit and say. - After, a bit of TV and at about 17.30 I took a shut-eye until 20.00 when I took the little ones out for a stroll... and she came along after. Back in, it was snax for the little ones and a blue-berry “cake”... which was blueberries cooked to a sort of “filling” covered in a bit of a biscuit-like “crust” topping, with vanilla ice cream. She called it “birthday cake”. It was quite good. Shortly after, a bit of TV and by about 21.30 we were all tucked-away in our rooms. - I've had my v-ton, my upper left tooth is bothering me, and so it's got “toothache stuff” in. I want it disinfected for the morning when I'll have to “fill” the lot. - The “Silverado” emblem is due Monday... and I've got teeth to clean and fill. I'm fucking nervous about Thursday, not knowing the truck. But I'll just have to roll with it. I looked out, earlier, in the yard. She trusts her truck... off to CT and such. I have to learn to do the same with mine. I try... but my existence hasn't ever really been the best where “luck” is concerned. Although, I really DO have to face a fact: I've not been on the streets, nor stuck in that god-forsaken “shelter” Hell-hole since coming here. I've had a room... roof, walls, floor, ceiling, bed and chair in which to sit. I've had chores to occupy all sorts of time and... food... none of which has been pulled from the bin. The truck? Part of that fortune. - Time for last smoke, clench-guard and a nap. Tomorrow is...

Mon.27.Aug: 21.22 I woke at 8.08 and was on the run and roll almost immediately. HOT and HUMID and hazy today. - Notes of the day are that I managed to get the sun-flowers at the phone shed propped a bit better. Had... HAD to spray insecticide in the green-house because it's like one HUGE yellow-jacket and wasp nest!. Got the cedar pole bits stacked in the rack and in the barn... cleaned the floor in there. OH OH OH LISTED THE SUBARU ON A JUNK SELL-BUY SITE THAT ADVERTISES JUNK CARS FOR SALE. THEIR PRIMARY OFFER WAS 400$ BUT I LISTED IT AT 300$. LET'S SEE HOW LONG *THIS* SHIT TAKES! - AND... THE *SILVERADO* EMBLEM LETTERS ARRIVED THIS MORNING! EASY! WOW! PEEL THE BACKING OFF, PLACE ON THE TAILGATE, PRESS, REMOVE THE CLEAR UPPER FILM AND DONE! WOW!!! *SILVERADO* ON THE TAIL-GATE! BUT... I'M NOTICING ALL SORTS OF RUSTS HERE, THERE AND ROUND ABOUT. THE LITTLE SPOT ON THE HOOD THAT I'D PAINTED IS RUSTING FROM INSIDE THE HOOD! SHIT! OH WELL. I'M JUST HOPING ALL WILL BE FINE ON THURSDAY... - SPEAKING OF WHICH... THE US POSTAL SHITS ARE NOW TELLING ME THAT THE TAIL-LIGHTS WON'T ARRIVE UNTIL.... THURSDAY!!! THAT WOULD MEAN AFTER 10.00!!! FUCK!!! I WANT TO BE OUT OF HERE AND ON THE ROAD IN NY BY THEN! THEY'RE IN NASHUA! WTF? I COULD WALK TO NASHUA BY WEDNESDAY! FUCKING LAZY SHIT-PIGS! WE'LL SEE. - And so, at about 15.30 Mme. took off for “coffee at a friend's” and to work. I weeded along the back walk but really, it's been so humid I didn't have much energy for much more. - “Meal” was cold ratatouille with a sprinkle of vinegar and then I went to the store for ice cream (which is gone already). - 8pm stroll... but I think there's something wrong with Hallie... she didn't want to do the whole walk to the end of the fence... and she's scratching like crazy! I wonder if it's itch or pain. Poor girl. - Well... bed laundry is washed. Just m'clothes left and they're going in when I shower (which I NEED!!!!!). Dishes are put away. Floor swept. - Jacquie's André came for his tyres this evening. Poor guy. The company didn't give him a receipt so he couldn't take the tyres. He pays taxes... honest fellow. I offered to try to bring them to Bedford on Wednesday since I have to go for smokes then anyway. He didn't want to risk it. I understand. But each tyre costs 200USD! Incredible shit! - So... the day is done, the fan is back up in the door because of heat. I'm looking forward to shower and v-ton with tele. - Filling of the teeth tomorrow... no matter what. - THOSE FUCKING TAIL-LIGHTS BETTER GET HERE NOT LATER THAN WEDNESDAY OR I'M GOING TO HAVE A DANCING SHIT-FIT! FUCKING LAZY POSTAL SHIT-BAGS! - OH OH OH AND OH!!! Mme. GAVE ME A 50$ SHELL GAS CARD FOR MY B'DAY!!! And a beautiful card with sunflowers on it. (I think she's hoping I get the hell out of here... go to NY and not come back... actually.) - Did I mention Ms. Piggie came by this morning? Gave me quite the compliment on the cleanliness of the back porch. I told her of the farcical “work” Mark did. Anyway... she was quite charming and civil. (Of course... I wouldn't trust her.)

Tue.28.Aug: 0.25 None of us is “above” any other. We're “different from” not “above. We all stink, like road-kill, a dead deer on the side of the road on a hot August afternoon, in the end. - 0.57 You're all repulsively judgemental. Knowing nothing about a person, you create a dossier, purely out of fiction, and you judge, based solely upon that. And you use that fiction to justify your hate, and you mete that hate with-out restraint. - 8.09 The little ones are fed, I've had coffee, need the loo and feeling incredibly MISERABLE this morning. ONE too many (the 2nd was “light” but the 1st was, admittedly, a bit “heavy”) last night/this morning. AND... not getting to sleep until 2.23 probably did something to help this along as well. - Hot and humid already. Looks like we had a bit of rain during the darkness. AND, THE FUCKING TAIL-LIGHTS ARE STILL IN NASHUA!!! DUE ON THURSDAY! FUCK! So, needless to say... the fatigue, this morning's SPASMS and all are exacerbated. Leave it to the fuckers at the United States Postal Service... They just won't quit. Morons. - 8.56 WELL! APPARENTLY THE TAIL-LIGHTS HAVE ARRIVED AT THE P.O. THIS MORNING AT 8.10! More incompetence... probably skipped scans. Gee... the kind of thing I would have been reprimanded for. But never mind... the general bull-shit of today's USPS. Now... shall I go, inconvenience her, as the “kind folks of Fuklin” did to me? I'll get dressed now. - Meanwhile, the heat index in The City is already up into the 90sF! Bienvenue a mes cauchemares. - 10.22 TAIL-LIGHTS INSTALLED... IN UNDER 10 MINUTES! NAPA wanted 167$ EACH! UN-INSTALLLED. I GOT THESE FOR 78USD AND IN LESS THAN 10 MINUTES... INSTALLED! WTF? BUT... IMAGINE ME... THRILLED! (I'm getting better at maintenance all the time.) * WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TODAY TO MAKE YOU FEEL PROUD?* - Note: 121,59USD on Amazon... just now! FOR ONE! - 18.19 Well... for the day, teeth are “filled”, the hair has been “trimmed”, the nails are filed (fingers only... I'll clip the toes tonight after shower and then file). I've eaten, and eaten again. Vegetarian tonight. Tomatoes with crumbled biscuit and mayo, then pasta salad with ratatouille (I spelt it correctly!) and a dash of balsamic vinegar. Dessert? The blueberry thing with a bit of half'n'half. And now? I'm exhausted... I've napped briefly, twice all day too. - I'd like to clean the truck, but there's no sense in doing that today. I have an errand tomorrow so, if weather permits, I'll do the cleaning after. - I suppose I should ring Ev to see if they'll be in Waubeka on Thursday. But I'll do that tomorrow as well. I want to see how the truck runs on tomorrow's errand to Bedford. If all goes well... Thursday morning, I'm on the road at 8.00. Still haven't decided whether to make it a 1-day or 2, but I'll figure that as it goes along. - I'm a bit nervous about it all, primarily because I worry about the truck. But I know as much about mine as I know of Mme.'s or even a rental. Sad, but true. So no matter what vehicle I drive... it's all very much the same. - I'm just relieved that the tail-lights are repaired today. - It didn't get too unbearably hot today, mainly because the humidity didn't jump. But it wasn't really “comfortable” either. And there was and is a bit of a breeze. - One NOTE: The sun is setting behind the cedars! In Summer, it sets over Richmond Hill... in Winter, it sets on the South side of the Highgate Street. It's working its way further South... and obviously so. When it gets to the Highgate Street... we're in for the cold. I can't recall who it was that said it but I remember the statement: I don't pay any attention to seasons at my age because they come and go so quickly... even the cold doesn't last as long as it used to. True, that. - Well... next item is the 8pm stroll and the day is done. I'll have to try for more sleep tonight. Tomorrow is “on the road” for a bit and a few items to do. Tomorrow night... I'll need to get to bed early... and rise early on Thursday. Imagine that... first time in YEARS... I'll be travelling... even farther that Plattsburgh. It's been a long, long time. - 20.48 and I dare say I'm out of the shower (for all the good it did, I'm soaked in sweat already). Ready to toss onto the bed! A v-ton this evening and no more than ONE. I need to get to a routine... sleep early, wake early. The house? Well... work clothes are in the wash, the TV needs to be turned off. But that's only momentary. Another day... gone by. Tomorrow... packing, deciding, cigarettes and... I think... gas. I'd like, very much, to wake on Thursday, feed the little ones and be off... to the Northway. We can only hope. Meanwhile... time to wind this down and wrap it up. Tomorrow I'll ring Ev for the “code” to get into the “compound”... IF that's to be. If not? Mum's grave, Dennis, maybe Barbara and a return. I'm rather thinking that's how it's going to be anyway. The only certain in the whole day is the presence of Mum's grave. Alas. - 23.38 v-ton and a half (sorry). 3 episodes of “Miranda”, recorded. Last smoke. Let's hope.

Wed.29.Aug: 8.17 Heard the 7.00 alarm. Dozed. Heard the 7.30. Dozed. Heard the 8.00 and got up. Aside from the usual “tightness” in the left ear/jaw, a pretty good morning, over-all. Hot and humid already. Rather grey. But other-wise, I'm rather amazed: not bad at all (yet). Now, to repeat this tomorrow... but at round about 5.00. Let's see how THAT works out. And, here's hoping that all goes well with today's smokes run. Then, a nice cleaning of the truck, some packing (just in case) and... what-ever will be, will be. Kay Sarah-Sarah. The house needs cleaning too, come to think of it. Stuff to be done. Indeed. - I had a dream at some point, and woke from it at some point. It wasn't a “bad” one, I thought “I need to remember this.” but I don't... not a bit of it except that in it, I'd forgotten to empty the loo bin... which I haven't done because it's still there and the garbage hasn't been taken to the curb yet. Oh well. - 20.12 and the 8pm walk is done. Ms. Hallie and Mr. Minou are having snax. Laundry is done. Packing is ready. THE TRUCK GOT WASHED AND CLEANED, with Murphy's... even in the 43° heat. I made it up and back to Bedford in snap time this morning at about 11.00. Had my Crustinis for dinner and Coffee Crisp ice cream after. It's been non-stop all day. - Chatted with Ev... who is looking forward to seeing me tomorrow evening... round about 17.00 or so. Lois has a MD appointment so they won't be back until about then. Fine. Let's me take my time getting down there... although, it WILL mean driving back in the dark... if I decide not to stay there. But, I can always snooze in the truck on the Thruway or Northway. Maybe even in Lewis... or some such nonsense. Either or, anyway... no prob. I just don't like the thought of being away from here for too long. Not that I'll miss this place... I just don't trust the old woman. Snoopy... I've absolutely no doubt. I can tell she doesn't “share” my “right to privacy” and basic human dignity bent. But... - Just hoping that tomorrow goes well... seeing Mum's grave, seeing Dennis, seeing Ev & Lois. AND... being able to make the trip back right away too. - Time to hope for a bit of sleep tonight! I've got alarms set for 5.00! - 21.08 Scrubbed and showered and the last wash is in the wash cycle and 'tis time to wrap this shit up. Well...? Here goes: ONE v-ton whilst the wash is doing and then... HOPEFULLY SOME GOOD SLEEP until 5.00 or earlier tomorrow morn. - 22.28 Wash is still drying and the fucking Fuklin Tel is fucking with my down-;oad of Miranda! FUCKING SHIT!!!!!! Just fucking shit! I fucking HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE this fucking shit-hole!

Thu.30.Aug: 5.05 Looking at this date just emptied something in my body, as if my core tried to pull away from it. Though I'm not depressed about it. In a few moments... at 5.32, it will be exactly 63 years ago. Good morning Mama. Sorry to wake you... keep you up all night. - Yes indeed... before going to sleep last night, which I did almost immediately, I turned my head 5 times, as Stephen Fry had suggested on an episode of “QI” and, at 5.00 on the ATT phone (which is a bit fast), Ms. Heather Small woke me with the question “What have ya done today to make ya feel proud?” and, I woke, turned the “alarm” off and, here I am. Not feeling “well rested” or anything of the sort. But not feeling too awfully horrific either. Up, pee... in the loo, coffee and now, at 5.10, in from my smoke. - 17° out there, cloudy and it appears there'd been a bit of rain over the night. Figures. I had the tail-gate open on the truck, hoping to dry the bed a bit. Yes, it too, got washed yesterday. Oh well. With any good fortune, it'll dry on the road. (Am I actually going to go through with this today? Won't know until I've done it.) - It's bloody 24 with a humidex of 34 in Newburgh!!!! 31/40 by 14.00!!! 20/23 for the high, here today. So I'm just driving BACK into the HEAT! How odd... for all those years before, I'd be driving in the opposite direction. Oh well... Honestly not looking forward to the heat today. But, it's what happens when one “goes South”. - I'm rambling at the moment. Let's see if I can't get this posted to to the blog and site before leaving. 'twould be nice. - Off we go then. - 5.22 Posted to the blog. - 5.24 and to the site. - 6.12 All posts to-date on the Journal are now up and running on-line. DeadArtist is current. And it's time to get me rolling along. I can't believe this... it's like “the old days”... only in reverse. I used to be heading TO here this morning... imagine... going back-wards... but for the first... and last time. - 7.43 Truck is packed. I am showered and dressed. For some reason, I keep getting a whiff of body odour. It would figure. - Anyway... it's as I keep telling my-self: “You won't know if you can do this until you've done, gone and returned.” (I could use a nap right now... it's the “3-hour” mark.) - Well... I can take my time this morning, roll along casually. Get there when I arrive and play it all from that point forward. Once upon a time I looked at this kind of event with joy and excited anticipation. Today? All is questionable. But... as Mamale used to say: “We'll see.”

***** FUKLIN TO NEWBURGH *****
(13.20 on Friday... To recount the events from the quick notes I made when I returned at 3.34 this morning.)
So... I pulled out of the drive at 7.59 this morning, feeling rather guilty, leaving the little ones in the house and not knowing when Mme. would actually return. But, I thought, she leaves with-out so much as a thought, I shouldn't worry about it. And out the drive and over the County Rd. to the Mobil station in Swanton to fill the tank. Along the 78 and into Alburg and across the lake and into NEW YORK! Rouses Point. It still feels rather strange, knowing my way around all these parts, and remembering the days when I had NO idea what was off the Northway up her. When I got to Champlain and onto the Northway, “concern” set in... I still wasn't sure that the truck would put up with all the “high-speed” travel for such a long distance, but... I was determined: If something was going to go wrong, it would do so, no matter what or where. So? ONTO the NORTHWAY... NEW YORK, after so many years of not having done what used to be a fairly regular journey. - It was really amazing, recognising so many places along the route. And to learn that my truly most favourite spot is in Wilsboro... a town where I'd inquired about a place to live but didn't want it, primarily because of the attitude of the owner (who'd tossed her friend of 14 years out, which made the unit available for me) and because I just didn't want to be that far South. Anyway, the shame was that I was in a bit of a hurry this morning... other-wise, I could have taken some MAGNIFICENT photos of the “mists” and “clouds” that usually rise and hang over my beloved Adirondacks. - Note-worthy: LEWIS rest area is CLOSED! Gated. Shut. Sealed! I can't imagine why... although many other small areas along the way are closed as well. Cheap fucking state government. Filling their pockets and removing necessities. Anyway, the next area, larger, was open, so I stopped to pee and browse the brochures. No “business” open there, just vending machines. A shame, really. But at least I got to pee and was on the road again. Travelling along, the familiarity of it all... as if I'd only done the trip last month. But in fact, it's been at least 5 years. Those old mountains never change... in a life-time. Traffic though, is still really quite amazing. Where once it was desolate, there isn't a break in some traffic. But it was a delight to be on the road again... truly. - At Albany (Exit 24) the “connection” from Northway to Thruway has become more complex with special exits and ramps and the likes. But I got to the toll booth, automated ticket dispenser and... ONTO THE THRUWAY... (Checked the ticket... the toll actually IS only 4,14. Not all that bad, considering.) As I drove along, I watched the thermometer on the mirror, rise... from the 50sF to the 80sF in Albany! And as I drove through Albany, the thought: I've NO connections to ANYBODY here any longer. Nobody to turn to in case of emergency. How the years have changed so much in life. But, the day was clear, traffic was incredible! Everybody suddenly in all sorts of a rush, so many vehicles, swerving, dodging, rolling along. And as I continued out of the “Adirondack” region and into the “Catskill” region, I realised: The shit-bags of Vermont refer to me as a “Flatlander” when, in fact, obvious fact, I come from a MUCH more mountainous region. Just more “ignorance” points for their score-cards. - When I got to the Modena rest area at about 13.22 (time from the photo), I saw WiFi available and connected. A “Happy birthday love” message from Dorothy! I went into the loo and when I came back out, I took a photo of a “Historic” plaque about “the Newburgh area” and sent it along with a message saying that I was in “the area”, heading to CT to visit an old friend. By 13.34 I was back on the road and headed to Exit 17. - THAT'S in the process of changing! You'd think you were really “SOME-PLACE” with all the ramps and such. AND... one of them is a dedicated, direct connection with 84! I took it to 9W and headed directly to the cemetery and got there round 13.56 (took a photo of Mum's head-stone). 9W... it's so indicative of the slum that is “Newburgh”... I noticed, immediately, mostly Mexican and some Blacks... no Whites, and the houses, for the most part, appear to be falling apart... in surrender to the abuse that is that place. The road itself is under repair, and though Gus's is still there. the rest is vacated... horrific. - The cemetery? The place is depressing, the road-way in very poor repair. But... Mum's site was relatively clean. My bleeding heart plant has been removed, of course it has, but so too, the “angels”, “cherubs”, plaques and general stupidity. 3 “charming” marigolds planted nicely in front of the stone. I found a nice little stone and in “Sharpie” wrote “2018.30.8” on one side and placed it a-top. I recited kaddish... though, even now, 30 years later, my gut and soul tell me that Mum's NOT in that grave. And so, I found a second stone, wrote the same on it and drove to see “the Grand-parents”. Their plot is in MUCH better condition. I wonder who attends to it. But, I put my stone a-top, took a couple more snaps and... I was off. It was beastly hot, and no shade. - Took 9W back up to Washington Street, headed down that to Liberty and onto E. Parmenter. Got a parking spot across from Dennis'... a bit farther in. Parked and walked over to the door. The only name on the mail-slot is his... I still don't quite know how he got there and all, but I know he didn't live there alone... in spite of it being quite small. Anyway. I rang the bell twice... no answer. Went back to the truck and jotted a little note, including my phone number and walked back to the house, slid the note into the mail-slot and was on my way across the street to the truck when I turned and saw an “older-looking” man coming down the street. I walked toward him and called-out “Dennis?” “Oh my god.” came the familiar voice. IT WAS HIM! I ALMOST missed him! He seemed a bit taken by the meeting, but was, apparently, happy to see me. I gave him a hug and we sat on the front stoop, talking... G's, the guys, the days, Bern, Ronnie (who is, I'm to learn, still alive), Dolphy (who, I learnt, liked me... I never knew), he didn't know Dewey is dead, talked about the others AND said that he and Dino were never Lovers! Well shit! BUT... Bern told him, back then, that I'd been very upset that Dino was hurting him, making him cry, and that I'd kick Dino's arse if he ever harmed him (Dennis). I didn't know that he knew. But... how wonderful... he always knew how much he meant to me. He mentioned the little bitch (sister) and I told him the particulars about her. Yes... I have the opportunity to tell and tell, I will. He agreed that she was a bitch, pulling the shit she pulled. We chatted for probably about 45 minutes or so and he had to go shave, shower... for a doctor's appointment. No, I never got to tell him what I'd intended, but I did mention it on the little note. He said he's got a new phone and would be calling me on Saturday. (We shall see... we shall.) He asked if I'd seen the park and when I said I hadn't he said “You really should go see it.” OK... So, he went in to prep for the doctor (I offered to bring him but he declined... I still wonder why) and I took off... to see if Barbara was still about and yes, I went to the park. - At 15.45 I was there... taking photos... and being disgusted. The Top does have some flowers, and I wonder if any are left from what I'd planted. It's “relatively” clean, but obviously neglected. And the White House? Almost invisible, under all the over-growth. Yeah... “Planning Committee” my fucking arse! But the Stone House is now a cutesy little café. Morons. Idiots. “Newburgh”. So I took some photos of The Top, the White House, the view and headed across Carpenter Ave. and down Willets (so as not to head down Marne and have to cross in front of the whores' house). Parked the truck on Willets and rang Barbara's door. - I saw her sashay down the steps as she always has done and when she opened the door, she stepped back in amazement! Opening the door she ordered “Come in here!” Said I haven't changed a bit, other than the white beard. She, on the other hand, has lost a LOT of weight, both eyes are rather blackened. (And I forgot... her birthday is this month as well... she's always spoken of “Virgos”.) So I stepped in for what was supposed to be a little while but... I was there until shortly after 17.00! We chatted. She's admittedly gone “Democrat”. We chatted about Newburgh and she insists that things are improving (as they always do, blind to the realities and ignorant of the history and not wanting to know about it). I had a glass of grape juice with limes squeezed in. It was sugary and I needed that... since I hadn't eaten all day and no food was offered. She told me that, shortly after Michael died, sister rang her and screamed at her. “As if she'd been festering some anger for a long while and just let it all burst at once.” said Barbara. Something about Michael associating with kids who tossed rocks at an empty house on the corner, Barbara suggesting that sister take care to keep Michael from being associating with that crowd and sister, being as psychotic as she is, misinterpreting the intent and lashing out in full bull-shit. Well... I told Barbara: she's not well, never really has been and best to leave her alone. BUT THEN... JUST AS WE WERE STANDING AT THE FRONT DOOR AND I WAS GETTING READY TO STEP OUT, BARBARA POINTED AND STAMMERED “Who, who, WHO is THAT?” and pointed out the door. WHO? Tony... white hair all about, walking some poor-looking dog, accompanied by a quite haggish-looking thing. Hair bleached to straw, stick-straight and almost jutting out, all round from the skull. Glasses that looked like they were snatched off the “Reduced” rack at the local “Thrift”. Clothes “draped” over a rather bloated frame, and shuffling along the side-walk. Now, there's no absolute guarantee that it was sister, but there's little doubt that it was. She looked like one of those ignored, abused old things one expects to see in a “community home” for the terminally psychotic. I watched them walk round the corner and looked out of the living-room window. Well? To be honest, if it is her, it comes as no surprise to me, and, in sincerest honesty, I can't say that I've any compassion. Poor marriage. Hypocrisy. Conniving. No. I've no compassion. So I waited for them to pass and then, with hugs and kisses and an open invitation to return to visit, I left Barbara. - In the truck and off to Danbury! A stop at the Sunoco station at 9W. It was 17.51... I'd wanted to be at Ev's by 17.00! Oh well... Across the old Newburgh-Beacon bridge where the toll, to my relief and a bit of surprise is only 1,50! The route was all too familiar, though just slightly farther than I'd remembered. Still, it's been a many, MANY years since I last made it. A bit of a traffic jam at the exit but I made it fine. Down route 7 and there's a traffic light at the Starrs Plain! I was glad for that. Took the turn-off and found the entrance to the community. Got to the gate, got the code and told Ev I was there. THEN came the idiot part: I couldn't remember the house! So I drove round the entire lake once. But driving in the opposite direction, I had no trouble! I just couldn't recall which way we used to go for the quickest. OK. So I arrived... Lois was there, of course, with the dog. The dog just LOVED me all to bits. Cutest thing. Lois was feeding her-self at table but oddly, I was offered nothing until some time later when she offered a glass of water. Anyway, we sat out on the porch. It was comfortable there, familiar. Ev treated me as if the place were as much mine as theirs. Lois commandeered most of the chatting with her stories of surgery. After some time, she got up and left into the house and Ev and I chatted a bit longer. It got to be 21.00, dark, and I'd resolved to make the trip back up to Fukshit tonight. So, with hugs, kisses and open invitation again, it must have been round about 21.20 when I finally backed out of the drive. - This was the first time I'd be driving the truck in the dark! The lights all came on, including the “gauge cluster” which flickered a bit, now and again. But it wasn't all too annoying. I simply drove along. There wasn't anything I could do about it but hope that it wouldn't glare in my face as I drove directly up the 7 to 84. Only had about just over half a tank of gas and wanted to fill up before getting on the Thruway... at Rte.9 Fishkill, a Mobil station. I stopped. It was already 21.57! I thought it would take about 45$, gave the guy 60, asked for 50 and pumped... had to force 28,50 into the tank! Got my change and bought what turned out to be a dry and meagre “turkey and cheese” on a roll (pre-pack) and a large “3 Musketeers” bar. It was the only thing I'd had to eat from since “meal” yesterday evening. It DID help keep me going though. - OK. Across the bridge (at night... something I'd not done in so long I don't even recall when the last time was). So familiar... It was ALL so familiar today. There's a special exit off 84 to connect with the Thruway! Same number (7, I believe) but it's now a ramp that runs OVER 84. I got my ticket at the booth and got on the Thruway... North... “Albany Montreal”... just as I'd done SO SO many times in my youth-days. - The trip was rather amazing, and again, being on the Thruway at night... I drove under “Meadow Hill Rd” and remembered the evenings of sitting under there with the guitar, playing and singing to my-self. The exits and such were as familiar as if I'd only just been there a week prior. When I got to Albany, I knew I was about a third of the way and thought: I can do this... I can make the entire trip! I put the iPod on the radio, a bit of static and all the speakers suddenly functioned. I listened. I sang along... full-voice. It was the 1980s again and I was on the road, at night, freely rolling along with the others. And on the Northway? Un-like the 1980s, the traffic was ever-present. Not a lot, but never a moment alone... all the way up to exit 42... Champlain. - I got off at Champlain, as I used to do en route to Montréal (and back, come to think of it). Went to the Mobil station, put in 40$. The receipt shows the time at 2.27 ... it was already...

Fri.31.Aug: 3.34 Just in from gathering things from the truck! I came in the drive from the front, expecting to have to park in front of the garage and hoping Hallie wouldn't hear me and start barking. I had NO idea what time it was because, well, I didn't look at the clock all through the trip up. I figured, if I didn't know the time, I wouldn't feel the fatigue... and I was right! Even on arrival... not really wiped-out. Imagine? - Jotting some notes here which I'll keep... just because. When I wake up and have the time, I'll fill-in the details. Right now... time to try to get me together. I've managed to make it into the house, un-detected. Thank goodness for the “private entrance”. Eh? - (The “notes”:)
Left at 7.59 arrived nbg 2.30-ish Calvary Dennis! Barbara! Saw sister & her thing. He's WHITE! She's haggared! Then to Ev. Left here about 21.05. One stop in Fishkill for gas then one in Champlain and just getting in. - 304.1mi 5199 to Calvary - 343,9mi Waubeka to 5199 (42,1mi from Dennis to Barbara to Ev) TOTAL DRIVE: 690,1mi 1110.6082944km<.b>

Gas: 120mi/quarter tank 6,5gals. - 18,46mi/gal. (193.12128km/quarter tank 24,6l - 7,85km/litre) Maplefields Swanton: 08.21 - 3,179/gal - 42,50 Sunoco Nbg. 9W at 84: 17.51 - 40,00 Flory Fishkill Rte9/84: 21.57 - 3,399/gal - 28,50 Route 11 Mobil Champlain: 02.27 - 3,279/gal - 40,00 TOTAL GAS: 151,00 (I'd pre-calc'ed: 280,00! Came in 129,00 UNDER!!!!)

Tolls:
Thruway: 13.42 - Exits 24 to 17: 4,15
NbgBcn Bridge: 1,50
Thruway: 23.45 - Exits 17 to 24: 4,15
TOTAL TOLLS: 9,80

TOTAL COST OF TRIP: 160,80
(Plus a 6,99 “turkey sandwich” and a “large” 3 Musketeers which I got at “Flory Fishkill - the only thing I've eaten since ice cream at about 17.30 on Wednesday night - at a cost of 9-something... Closer to 10,00 So the actual total is 170,80.)

So, with-out counting loose change that's left in the truck in the ash-tray, I've got, in bills, 227 left... and I'd pre-calc'ed 300. Odd, that, because I'd calc'ed tolls at 10 (came in 0,20 UNDER there and 50,00 for food and I'm in at 40 UNDER there too. So I SHOULD have 350 left. I wonder... But I can't find some receipts and I did leave money about in the truck so, I'll have to get to that later... today... when the world is awake. (Looks like I might not be getting to sleep today... or... precious little.) - 4.13 Just going through the receipts and calcs and done with that. Time for ... maybe ... a little “nap”? I'm not (oddly) exhausted... probably still all PROUD of my accomplishment! AND the re-connects!!!! - 4.23 SINGLE-DIGIT TEMPERATURES: 9° WITH CHILL OF 8° HERE... 18/22 in Newburgh! I'd rather have THIS! (Oh... when I came in, the porch windows were all closed. I wonder... Did Mme. close them or did moron come back, paint and close? We shall see with the light of day.) - 4.47 My twitter accounts for Woodhauler AND for my Author account are down! Woodhauler “violated” and I'm “suspicious”. Well... indeed, it's not like I didn't expect Woodhauler to be attacked but... the AUTHOR? Facebook bull-shit strikes again. Shame, really. - One “regular” v-ton... gulped in one “serving”. Hopefully it'll help put me to sleep and keep me there through the night (morning?) - 10.34 Got to bed at about 5.15... Woke to the 8.00 alarm and dozed until 9.30. And have chatted with a dim-witted Mme. about the trip, NOT mentioning the CT aspect. Well? Yes... back to the fucking witless, feckless, in-breeds of Shitholia. BUT... consolation is found in knowing that, should need arise... a trip away CAN be done. - I'm feeling the 24 hours of no sleep and the 4-hour nap. But... I'm awake. We shall see the ramifications as the day progresses. (I have plans... a bit of shopping... radio... maybe a NY State flag for the truck. I saw one on a grave by Mum's. Nice.) - PS: Mileage calcs to 18,46mi/gal. - (*'I DO BELIEVE SHE'S WASHING THE PORCH WINDOWS NOW... SPRAYING THE CLEANER BY THE PLANTS! WELL? TIME TO “CONSIDER” PROPER RESPONSE... SHOULD SHE DAMAGE THEM. CALM. QUIET. AND YET... APPROPRIATE. WE SHALL SEE... INDEED... WE SHALL SEE.) - 17.36 I laid down at about 15.00 and just got up and out of bed! I'd planned on only an hour but... the alarm sounded and I laid there... dozing... half-dozing, actually. Just couldn't wake up! But, a spasm and the need to pee... - Good thing I nibbled on those 4 Weetabix before... it's going to be a night of no eating other-wise. Oh well. At least I got my good day... yesterday. - Now, back to recounting THOSE details, which I've been working on through the day. - Oh, and Mme. washed the porch windows and told me she's leaving the last 3 for me (how White of her), because my plants are in the way. Oh jolly just fuck off. - Before I forget to mention, my Twtr accounts, Woodhauler and the Author are still closed. Oh well... Fuck them too. One nice thing... I'm in the best of company, since even the main media is covering the closure of Conservative account. I'm part of the “oppressed of America”. How fucking sweet. And to think: On my birthday! Now THAT'S saying something. - 19.04 and finally caught-up with the recording of yesterday's (and this morning's) events! Receipts have been put together and are in the truck. There are my “reminders”, my “souvenirs”. It's been a rather longish day and I'm still a little “burnt” from the lack of sleep. And I don't know if it's the lack of sleep, lack of food or just general (although, when yesterday, I started mentioning my opinion of Vermonters to Lois she wasted no time in saying, softly “Dumb, heh?”) but Mme.'s just on my nerves with her bull-shit attitude. She's probably ticked that I went to Newburgh yesterday. But you know? FUCK HER BULL-SHIT! AND HER FUCKING ATTITUDE! AND ALL THE REST! As was pointed-out yesterday in chat: So you have your own room, your own space and you get to do your own thing. Yeah... so fuck the rest. - I think I'll go make a tomato sammich. The day is winding-down. - And oh! There's NO place to simply go get a car radio ANY-WHERE around here! Not even in Plattsburgh! FUCK! Everything has to be ordered! So, it's beginning to look like a trip to the banque, a deposit and the on-line bull-shit! Fuck. - 20.53 I'm getting ready to go to bed... with a v-ton, of course. I had a “tomato sandwich salad” earlier. The leutine should be good for my eyes. Hey! Last night I drove along through the darkness and it wasn't difficult at all. Maybe... - Meanwhile, Minou has disappeared. Not a trace. I even went walking round the house calling. When Mme. was on her way into the loo, the house in darkness, she announced that she'd left the porch door open. I'd said I walked round to see if he was splattered on the road and so I simply commented “Easy come, easy go. We all have to die some time.” Her reply “Don't blame me.” WHAT in the ACTUAL FUCK? So I told her to keep her guilt, that I don't have need nor room for any. That I've been more than fair. Really? WHAT the ACTUAL FUCK is WRONG with her? What a fucking response! - And so... this is part of why I'm having a v-ton... and hoping that I can actually sleep through the night tonight. I'm tired... from fatigue and from dealing with the ignorance, stupidity and constant bull-shit of retardation. “Don't blame me.” What fuckery. - The end. - 21.57 Minou is in the house... noshing. I just stepped out for a smoke... watching “Midwives” and there he was. Looks like I'm going to HAVE to go out tomorrow... buy snax and food for him. Money I don't really have... but I do. - Nice shit, this fuck-hole shit-heap. I do all I can to help this QUNT and she talks about me as if I'm shit. Well? One day. One day... I have to remember: it always does come. -
23.34 I came here to become part of this place. Sadly, I became a part of the wrong part. Don't judge me because of where I reside. Judge me because of what and WHO I AM! Bloody bastards. - 23.48 Those who can't help themselves... help others... Nurses.