Sat.1.Nov: 6.15 I’m awake. I’m nauseated. With all the old license plates that are in the barn, none of them is new enough. There were other plates on the back porch and they’re gone. So… no plate to put on the car this morning. Doesn’t that figure? AND… the anxieties of insurance, registration, inspection. Anxieties. This should be a JOYFUL morning. But as is my “Life”, my “Fate”, nothing comes with-out tarnish. Then there is the “story” of where the money came from. I HATE being here. Alas. How to get the insurance with-out the plastic banque card. Thank you NEFCU from whom I shall depart ASAP in return for their “kindness”. The registration in Richford? And where to get the car inspected. And the time! Where am I to find the time? Well… as is with all that is associated with me: Let nothing come easy, let nothing run smoothly. – And now for a check of the brisk weather. There was snow in the forecast as of last night. There are stars shining in the sky this morning. And I am SO TIRED! and not feeling at all too well. – I just counted out the cash for the car. How LONG it took to get the 1400 I’ve been carrying. How QUICKLY it drops down to only 100. And how hard I’ve worked, even via the GFM, to get this. I wake this morning feeling a sense of “debt” to pay-back the contributions. I “OWE” indeed. Now, I “owe”. – I work so hard for only exactly what I “need”. And I “owe”. –

13.54 I DROVE THE SUBARU BACK TO THE HOUSE!!!!
I could have been out of that god-forsaken office at 11.30 but the phone rang and like a moron, I answered it. Diana! The poor thing is so terribly bored and in need of people. We talked for 30 minutes until I looked up at the clock and said I had to go get a car. There’s still 3rd class mail to case and sort but I don’t much give a shit about it right about now. I left it, just as there’s mail left for me. Not my problem at this point. – So I came into the house, left the coffee bottle and some extra shit and headed out the door… on foot! 2,8mi. and 54 minutes on foot according to the freakin Internet. It’s not too bad on the bike, but the walking was, well, quite miserable. I managed a full sweat. At one point, at Hummingbird, some chinquette came by looking for the way to Enosburgh. As i stopped my pace to assist, BOTH of my legs went NUMB! Picking up the pace again was horrendous! My boots are seriously not good for walking now. Must be from all the soakings they’ve taken. I clopped along, sounding more like a horse than people. But I did what I usually do… pushed along. – When I got to Raymo’s, I didn’t see the Sube at first and was almost convinced that it had been sold but… THERE IT WAS! In the yard. I knocked on the door and Kevin came right out. We talked about the car, the usual stuff, and his son came out to go with me to take it for a run over to the Richard rd. It handles like a truck. But I believe it’s because of the Winter tyres and the fact that it’s got “Forester” struts. (I hope they don’t plow through the damned car like Devon’s did!) It DOES need an alignment, and it does sound a bit on the “tinny” side. But the heater works, the radio works, and it runs… it moves… and I don’t have to pedal! The son and I talked about repairs on the car. They’ll do them, and cheaper than most garages. That’s nice.. to get a car from somebody who KNOWS them. I mean, I keep thinking (and said) that that house is like the “hive” and the Subies gravitate to it. They like these cars and work on them, so it’s good to have somebody who knows and likes these vehicles. Well, the paper-work was signed and I had the key and it was time to get out of there. I DROVE back to the house directly (because there are no plates on the thing) and parked directly behind her ladyshit out front. I simply came into the house, saying nothing, as if it were a regular day. Nobody said anything to me either. Not that I’d wanted them to. And so… there we have it… I own a car once again… Paid in full. No payments. Only the rest of the responsibilities to attend to.
I DROVE THE SUBARU BACK TO THE HOUSE!!!
********** ********** **********
18.01 I laid down to take a nap because of the cold in this room, set the alarm for about 40-some minutes. I’d put on the VT sweat-shirt and my jammie-sweats to sleep in. WELL! When I woke! THE PAIN! THE ABSOLUTE PAIN! NOW IN THE LEFT LEG, THE TENDONS OR SOMETHING BEHIND THE KNEE. THE PAIN! AS IF THINGS WERE BEING RIPPED FROM MY BONE! The pain was so bad this time that it’s made me nauseated. I just finished a Ramen with cheese curds, but my stomach is a mess! – Earlier, I’d gone to the barn in search of an old license plate. There are none to be found. Oh well.. – What I’m wondering now is how long it will take anybody in this house to notice the car. I have no intention of saying anything. FUKKEM! – 22.56 and the drunks down-stiars are getting the dogs barking and howling. Time to kill something… not sure what though. Oh… probably the drunks and the pot-head went out to the back. Fucking animals in this house… in general. – End of day… I looked for insurance during the day, in this walk-in cooler of a room. Progressive bases rates on “Credit Scores” Fucktardz. They lose by bounds! Geico gave a quote which was about HALF. Still, insurance is going to cost me about 600$ per year. I suppose that’s about average. Not bad really. By Friday week, I’ll have the 6-month total due and such. I just need to figure how to get it to them on time. And Kevin said that he’d driven the car up from BTV with-out plates so if need be, I can get it into St. Albans to register it as it is. I just need to make it through this week coming! Just one more week! My legs don’t want to, my body doesn’t want to. But I have no choice. AND.. I need to figure how to keep the car out there with-out it drawing attention! I need to find plates! Then for the inspection and… by the time I get all that done? With my luck? – Well the rest of the day was nu-eventful for the most part. I stayed int he “cooler”, quite cold. We got a WET SNOW this evening. Yes, indeed… SNOW has fallen. It didn’t accumulate, but it was obviously there. It’s time to look into some kind of HEAT for this shit-box. I WILL NOT GO THROUGH ANOTHER WINTER LIKE LAST! Especially if I’m to begin paying rent in here again! Fuck this shit! I SO want to go back to Richford!!!! – By about 22.00 I was wasted and exhausted and should have showered. But my clothes still stink form liquishit and so do I, probably. The bed-lines need to be washed, so, as the little rural farm-boy, I simply put on my bed-sweats and such, got under my 10 pounds of blankets and called it a night. I was going to “celebrate” the car with the 50 that’s still here, but.. my stomach’s a mess, so I didn’t bother. And the only “nourishment” I’ve had all day is the brown sugar… in my tea and by the spoon-full. Not a good thing. One of these days, some of this abuse is going to take me out. Ah… there’s hope. – One thing though… I now feel I should send the money from the GFM back… sort of as if it’s all a loan. Hopefully I’ll be in a position… SOON… to do so. I don’t like this feeling of owing… I shouldn’t feel that way to begin with, but.. – OH OH OH When I went to check for insurance today, I put in the Richford address and IT SEEMS THERE’S A NEW CHEVY OVER THERE… UNDER MY NAME SOME-HOW! I MEAN, HERE? IN VT? MY NAME? AND A CAR REGISTERED? THE MYSTERY BEGINS AND SO TOO, MORE THAN PROBABLY, THE SHIT! REGISTERING THIS SUBIE IS GOING TO PROVE INTERESTING!!! SOMEBODY ELSE REGISTERED A VEHICLE UNDER MY NAME? IN RICHFORD? WELL… IT WOULDN’T SURPRISE ME. BUT WEL SHALL, INDEED, SEE.

Sun.2.Nov: 6.35 Because we’re off Daylight Savings and back to the Normal and I’m an hour ahead. With headache and leg cramps and blurry eyes and all. 6 bloody fucking 30 bullshit 5 in the miserable morning. – I shouldn’t call it a “miserable” morning. There’s a car…. MY car sitting out front to f the house. I just need ONE plate for it for a couple of days. And I can’t help but think: If I had the cash right now, I could have been going to the DMV tomorrow morning to have it registered. As it is right now, that won’t happen until next week! And of course, the day of the DMV here is Monday. I get paid on Friday, No way to get the insurance on it before then. This is dragging along terribly. – Me legs are painful this morning. And I feel as if I need to shit but there’s really nothing in my gut save the half pound of sugar I took in all day yesterday. Oh… it’s just another “typical” day in my existence… anxieties. – 7.23 feeling shitty as all hell. I haven’t the time to feel shitty. A FULL week ahead! And still on the bike! – 7.27 Just checking the météo for the coming week…. 0, 30, 60, 80 percent chances of rain… That’s Monday-Thursday… and on Thursday, I get to open the Fuklin office and then toddle to Sheldon… I swear, with my ALL, “Fate” is nothing other than a disguise for :Hate”. –
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
16.12 Earlier, I was sitting at the desk, putting all the papers and shit together in the boxes, the PO work and receipts and such when I saw the State police park across the road in front of the body shop. The cop was on the radio for a while and I thought, at first, that he was watching for speeders. But something in my gut said it was about the Subie. I watched. He siddenly wasn’t in the car so I stood and looked. Sure enough, there he was, taking info about the car! So I threw on my running shoes and went out. Somebody had called the car in! No plates, just there. OK. So I told him that I’d just bought it yesterday and he smiled, understood about the having to register it and all and I asked if it was OK there for a while. He took my info and said that he didn’t know who called it in but he would notify dispatch in case anybody else called it in. We chatted. He thanked me for coming down and he left. Well, some moments later, I went for a smoke. Bobo went out when I came in but we met at the front door. “The car’s still there.” he said. I paid little attention and came up to the room to continue with cleaning the room up when it struck me: THE CAR! HE called it in! So I went down to the parlour where the both of them were… as usual… parked, and I told them that the car is mine and that I was in debt because of it. I told them it would take me a while to get it registered and such. “Oh… it’s yours.” says Bobo. And the looks of disgust were stunning. THEY CALLED IT IN! “I looked at it and thought it was a nice car, clean and in good condition. I wondered why it got left here, in Franklin of all places.” My gut rules again! And now, I wonder (but only a bit) what kind of comments are to come along. –
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
Meanwhile, my legs are SO SORE! PAINFUL! The room is cold. I’m in a t-shirt, work shirt, hooded sweat with the hood up and tied round my head. My stomach is empty and there’s nothing in here to eat. If I’m invited to dine tonight (doubtful, considering the car news now), there’s to be a bit of some kind of soup. Oh well. Tomorrow I’ll leave early enough to get something to eat at the market. – Tomorrow… now with the clocks set back, I’ll be leaving the job in the dark. The tougher times, they are a-comin’. But nobody gives a shit. – 18.41 Just up form CHICKEN AND DUMPLINGS! AND COLD! – 22.28 WHY do I wake up at this hour of the night? “Sun-downers’” – So anyway… yes indeed, I was INVITED to dine again tonight. Boiled chicken with home-made “dumplings”. But they use Bisquick and no eggs so the “dumplings” were, well, rather doughy. Maybe it’s because I’m not used to general dumplings like that. They use a recipe for them but… they need eggs. I mentioned, but… There was little flavour to the chicken, having been boiled. But I must say, it was good on the stomach and I finished the dumplings when every-one had left the table. And I had a full piece of chicken as well. Not really by choice. I grabbed for what looked like the smallest piece but it was hiding under another piece. Still, I ate rather well this evening. – Ah… and this evening. I just check NOAA. 1° and due to drop another few degrees during the night. FREEZING weather. I’m NOT looking forward to biking to work tomorrow. If I could find a plate, I’d take the risk and take the car. And the forecast? Typical “me”: sunny until Thursday and then a 50 chance of rain all day. Yes, of course. I have TWO offices to work on Thursday. – Then, Friday? I have to get the money together for the insurance on the car. It will be there, but I have no way of getting it to the insurance company. Geico is the most affordable but still… I have no way of getting it to them… thanks to the credit union. Fuktardz. This is going to take SO MUCH TIME! And TIME is something I don’t have! (I have to mention: there’s been no offer of any help from the house either. Not that I’d even dreamt of such a thing. Still… It’s a total “If you won’t help, don’t harm.” So they do nothing at all.) – Well, I’m in the bed and SHOWERED! I’ve got those white-heads on my eyes. I dug one out today but the other is too difficult. I can’t see them unless I’m wearing my glasses now and I can’t get at them with my glasses on. – I put a cotton pad of bleach on the left toe for a while. It burns a bit but I’m just now letting it dry a bit before getting under the blankets.- The room is chilly but I had the door open for a while and I’ve removed the board from over the vent. I’m waiting for her ladyshit to close the door to the “larder” because of the cold draft, as was done last year, Winter, essentially cutting me off from any heat in this room. Well… one thing top on the list this year: a heater. – Speaking of which… there’s been no word from Viv again for the longest while. I’m not even going to try any more. I sent a message via Skype, yesterday, saying that I have the car. That’s that. I still believe that a lot (if not most… if not all) of the absence of communication is because (a) I have no place to offer her to come to to stay a while and (b) when I was there and she was running out of cash and couldn’t pay the rent, THIS TIME I DIDN’T toss the money. So, essentially, I’ve become worthless. Oh well. If that’s what it was all about… it wasn’t worth it in the first place. – On that note, it’s time to try for some sleep. I want to get some laundry done in the morning… I hope. My clothes all smell of cow-shit and so too, the bed. But I need to get the clothes done at the very least. Lettuce prey. – There’s a car out there with my name on it… and I can’t use it! FUCK ME…. as usual.

Mon.3. Nov: 6.08 Awake. I actually woke on my own to hear Bobo leave this morning… in her ladyshit’s chariot. The Juke has to be taken across the road to be inspected. How terrible for her ladyshit! Must drive ALL the way across the road! AND… it was suggested that I park the car in the yard, but… with the Juke there… well… and of course, they didn’t offer to MOVE the Juke so I could park it in the yard. “If you won’t help… don’t harm.” Don’t DO shit! – Oh well. If I could find a plate, I’d be off to the office in the Subie this morning. Perhaps it’s Fate and something is moving in my favour? Nah… NOT! – But the laundry is in… the clothes are being washed. Now to hope they dry well enough. – It’s a chilly morning, this. I got the gloves out of the luggage and the hand-warmers too. And my stomach is in knots. Oh… another day in the so-called “life”. – 19.11 I’m already in bed, ready to try for sleep in this mad-house. – The day went SO well! Things just seem to run along in that office. And my paper-work and all was done by 16.45 and I was out the door… IN THE DARK! – The biking back wasn’t too bad. Not too cold. Vermonters are truly the result of men here fucking the cows… they come along the dark roads with high-beams on and right in the face. This evening I started biking directly AT them! I don’t give a shit any more. – Got back to an empty house and locked back door and went to the store for tonic and cookies… and was in the house by 18.05! NOT bad! I still can’t believe I made the trip today. My legs were so sore this morning! – OH! I phoned Geico and sent an e-mail to ask and YES I CAN GET THE INSURANCE ON FRIDAY! THEY’LL TAKE THE PAYMENT FROM THE SAVINGS! I WONT HAVE TO RUN TO ST.ALLBEANS! Although, on Friday, my phone goes out again so I’ll have to go to pay that… but by Monday, I’ll have to bring the car in for registration too! THEN it’s only a matter of inspection and the car shit-part is DONE! (Until the repairs come into play, of course). Next week… DRIVE TO/FM WORK! AT LONG, LONG LAST! – I wanted to shower tonight before bed. The linens are washed. But the fags got back just as I was getting ready to go to the shower, so I opted for getting ready for bed instead. Oh well. I don’t feel all that filthy this evening… at least I’m not covered in cow-shit! A delight. – This morning, I stopped at the PO, chatted a bit with Rachel and told her about those fagbitches calling the car in. And this evening, I mentioned it to Michelle. I’ve had it with being spoken ill of and saying nothing. So? It truly is time to get the actual fuck out of this town anyway. This evening, as I coasted along the Kane rd. I wondered how difficult it might be to get back over to NY. I’ll have to scout about over there… and then, the next move: NO, NO, NO PETS AT ALL WHAT-SO-EVER! PERIOD! – OK. That said, time for a tea and snooze. – 20.16 I went down for a smoke and when I came back into the room… the smell of SHIT! MY CLOTHES! From biking through the air, full of it! It’s repulsive! – I’m ready for sleep. May it come swiftly and soundly and last through the night. My legs are so sore tonight. One more day! Tomorrow. Then a day of no biking. I HATE the thought of being in the Fuklin office, but it’s easier on my legs. It will give me the respite, so that on Thursday I can bike again… I hope.

Tue.4.Nov: 6.22 Last night, yesterday, en route back to the house, it occurred to me: With the car, I won’t have to be here on USThanksgiving! I do NOT want to be here when the “family” comes for dinner. I do NOT want to be “invited”. I do NOT want to sit at a table with people who think ugly of me. I don’t know where I can go to, but at least I know that, if need be, I can be some-where else. Even if it means sitting on a dirt road, in the car. A relief. – That said, the morning is over-cast and cold. The sign in the car, on the dash shows quite nicely.
NEITHER
STOLEN
NOR
ABANDONED.
WAITING FOR
PLATES &
PAPER-WORK
How stupid to have to put something like that in the car, in a town like this, where peoples’ noses are shoved so far up one’s bowels. Time… only time. And a spark of hope. – This morning’s sudden rush of anxiety was when I realised that I didn’t take the time to look under the hood to see if the engine’s loaded with oil. Head gasket. The worst possible night-mare. Transmission… the other worst possible night-mare. And I didn’t check. I was/am so desperate. I know, how-ever, that the purchase isn’t going to be the end of this. And, because there is money coming in… there will be demands for money going out. I’ll be left with nothing… again. – Also, this morning, the thought of having no-one to turn to before going into the Shelter… then having no-one to turn to whilst IN the Shelter… getting my own job, saving my little bit of income and… no-one to turn to to get OUT of the Shelter. No-one. No-one to turn to to get here, to VT. No-one to turn to after I arrived. No-one… No-one to help getting this job. No-one to turn to for help getting to and from work. No-one. BUT they talk about me as if I’m dirt, lazy. a slacker. Imagine… Ca ce peut tu!? – FUKKEMALL! – Good morning…. Blow me! – 21.12 and in bed SHOWERED! And I did the beard again this evening… brown again. Strange again. But what the hell? Why not? It must be about 3 years since the last time. Oh well. Too dark, but fine. Not that I have any choice. – The day? Well, it was a painful ride to work. My right thigh now. And my feet! I’m actually breaking down from the biking. And the smell of shit on my face! I even noticed it when I got to work today! Honestly, this state is a shit-hole… in the truest sense! – But, it didn’t rain on the way too… and it didn’t rain on the way from and of course, it was a delightfully warm evening so Bobo showed up to give me a lift back to the house. We talked car insurance all the way. – (I’m still hoping that the transaction from the savings will go through on Friday and that on Monday I can go register the car and have done with it. I doubt it will go easy… but… ) – The day at the office? I kept busy all through, re-arranging a bit of stuff. The lead-wire I brought from the barn to use as an antennae was shit. It kept snapping until I had almost none of it left! But I moved the radio to the window and got “Rouge”! So that was rather nice. – I was ALL wrapped-up this evening and paper-work done and ready to go when, of course, at the last minute, a money order! Threw me back to the beginning! Between that and Bobo being there, I brought the phone with me from the office! SHIT! Talk about stupid! But I’ll bring it to the Fuklin office in the morning. Rachel’s covering the Sheldon offices tomorrow. If she needs it, she can grab it en route. If not, it’ll be back on Thursday. Essentially, only missing for one business day as it is. – I was invited to dine again this evening. Tuna-noodle. Quite nice. I just…well I don’t really enjoy dining. Still, better to accept quietly than to make a fuss and what-ever. – It was after dinner when they took a trip into St.A. and asked if I wanted to go. (I need coffee and tea! But I’d rather get that on my own… probably Sunday at this rate… another bike ride m’thinkst.) That’s when I hit the shower to get the shit off my face and out of my hair (and the colour in my beard). – It’s a warm night… MUCH warmer than the past several. Of course… I have to get stuck in the Fuklin office the rest of the week. Thursday’s forecast has changed to rain after 17.00. I should only be so lucky. HAH! – And so, that ends this day. I have to get to sleep tonight. Having ginger tea with brown sugar. Hopefully that will help with the sleep. – I still have to laugh though: I’ll get the car on the road and have a stroke or heart attack… no doubt.

Wed.5.Nov: 6.06
DREAM:
He was laying on the bed, not too happy, and I began to sing:
This is the boy
who sang to the song
of
Now Or Never
This is the boy
who sang to the song
of
Forever and Ever
It was a little, skinny, curly-black-haired sort-of Hispanic boy who’d suffered from some sort of disease. And I held his little feet in my hands. His feet were clammy. But he laughed as I sang. (A combination of the news posted on fesses-book, of a little boy who’d successfully completed 8 rounds of chemo and a video of a little girl in a car seat who was whining until her favourite song was played and she became all animated and excited…)
– Imagine this: Jester has the sound of a train whistle on his phone that sounds when he gets a text message and right now, the damned thing is making such a racket across the hall! No doubt it’s his little master… Bobo. Those two will never stop, never learn. One day… – This morning began with me going to rinse my mug and Cubby getting into the room AND ON THE BED! When I went to get him off the bed, HE PULED THE AFGHAN! THANKFULLY, I was able to get the pull back. But FUCK THIS SHIT! And what a fucking way to start a day! – I also woke to a brown beard which takes a LOT of getting used to. But by the time I adjust to it, it’ll be back to white. Oh well. – A 6-hour day ahead with 2,5hrs to “nap”, if I’m lucky. – SHIT! 6.15 already! This morning is going by TOO quickly! I dread going into that office. I just dread it. Terrible, to not look forward to going to work at a job I enjoy so much. Oh well.. Fuck The World… as they say. But I wonder why they put Rachel back into the Sheldon offices this week. I wonder. SOMETHING’S going on… some-where. There’s nothing “nice” ever happening here. Please just so long as I don’t get shoved back to one day per week now!!!!! – Oh… and the roads are wet. It’s not raining, but it did. And… it’s rather a “warm” morning as well. Not the kind that makes biking any joy, but not the worst. And here I am… in Fuklin VT. – 21.12 and in bed SHOWERED! And I did the beard again this evening… brown again. Strange again. But what the hell? Why not? It must be about 3 years since the last time. Oh well. Too dark, but fine. Not that I have any choice. – The day? Well, it was a painful ride to work. My right thigh now. And my feet! I’m actually breaking down from the biking. And the smell of shit on my face! I even noticed it when I got to work today! Honestly, this state is a shit-hole… in the truest sense! – But, it didn’t rain on the way too… and it didn’t rain on the way from and of course, it was a delightfully warm evening so Bobo showed up to give me a lift back to the house. We talked car insurance all the way. – (I’m still hoping that the transaction from the savings will go through on Friday and that on Monday I can go register the car and have done with it. I doubt it will go easy… but… ) – The day at the office? I kept busy all through, re-arranging a bit of stuff. The lead-wire I brought from the barn to use as an antennae was shit. It kept snapping until I had almost none of it left! But I moved the radio to the window and got “Rouge”! So that was rather nice. – I was ALL wrapped-up this evening and paper-work done and ready to go when, of course, at the last minute, a money order! Threw me back to the beginning! Between that and Bobo being there, I brought the phone with me from the office! SHIT! Talk about stupid! But I’ll bring it to the Fuklin office in the morning. Rachel’s covering the Sheldon offices tomorrow. If she needs it, she can grab it en route. If not, it’ll be back on Thursday. Essentially, only missing for one business day as it is. – I was invited to dine again this evening. Tuna-noodle. Quite nice. I just…well I don’t really enjoy dining. Still, better to accept quietly than to make a fuss and what-ever. – It was after dinner when they took a trip into St.A. and asked if I wanted to go. (I need coffee and tea! But I’d rather get that on my own… probably Sunday at this rate… another bike ride m’thinkst.) That’s when I hit the shower to get the shit off my face and out of my hair (and the colour in my beard). – It’s a warm night… MUCH warmer than the past several. Of course… I have to get stuck in the Fuklin office the rest of the week. Thursday’s forecast has changed to rain after 17.00. I should only be so lucky. HAH! – And so, that ends this day. I have to get to sleep tonight. Having ginger tea with brown sugar. Hopefully that will help with the sleep. – I still have to laugh though: I’ll get the car on the road and have a stroke or heart attack… no doubt.

Wed.5.Nov: 6.06
DREAM:
He was laying on the bed, not too happy, and I began to sing:
This is the boy
who sang to the song
of
Now Or Never
This is the boy
who sang to the song
of
Forever and Ever
It was a little, skinny, curly-black-haired sort-of Hispanic boy who’d suffered from some sort of disease. And I held his little feet in my hands. His feet were clammy. But he laughed as I sang. (A combination of the news posted on fesses-book, of a little boy who’d successfully completed 8 rounds of chemo and a video of a little girl in a car seat who was whining until her favourite song was played and she became all animated and excited…)
– Imagine this: Jester has the sound of a train whistle on his phone that sounds when he gets a text message and right now, the damned thing is making such a racket across the hall! No doubt it’s his little master… Bobo. Those two will never stop, never learn. One day… – This morning began with me going to rinse my mug and Cubby getting into the room AND ON THE BED! When I went to get him off the bed, HE PULED THE AFGHAN! THANKFULLY, I was able to get the pull back. But FUCK THIS SHIT! And what a fucking way to start a day! – I also woke to a brown beard which takes a LOT of getting used to. But by the time I adjust to it, it’ll be back to white. Oh well. – A 6-hour day ahead with 2,5hrs to “nap”, if I’m lucky. – SHIT! 6.15 already! This morning is going by TOO quickly! I dread going into that office. I just dread it. Terrible, to not look forward to going to work at a job I enjoy so much. Oh well.. Fuck The World… as they say. But I wonder why they put Rachel back into the Sheldon offices this week. I wonder. SOMETHING’S going on… some-where. There’s nothing “nice” ever happening here. Please just so long as I don’t get shoved back to one day per week now!!!!! – Oh… and the roads are wet. It’s not raining, but it did. And… it’s rather a “warm” morning as well. Not the kind that makes biking any joy, but not the worst. And here I am… in Fuklin VT. – 16.56 WELLLllll…. I rang the banque and they confirmed the ability to do the insurance on Friday via internet or phone from the account. I rang the DMV and they confirmed (sort of) that I can register on Monday during my break… AND… they told me that the value of the car is only 949$! BUT… that I’m taxed on the 1300$ well fuck me then. BUT… I’ve been thinking that, in fact, I paid 900$ for the car and 400$ for the snows. And DMV rather confirmed that. So… But that was a delight to hear! I just wish I could take the car out tomorrow… I’m doubting I’ll have enough time for all the paper-work and getting out on time. And, this being Franklin… SOMEBODY is bound to come in and fuck me into the wall. So? I shall do the best I can. I get NO support when it comes to the arse-holes in this fuckbox. I just cannot give a shit. – Got in and there was the trio… flounced and lounging. Fuktardz, all. No mention of help with the commute tomorrow. All la-dee-da. Well… one day I won’t be here and let them la their dee-dahs then. (Oh, but I just saw Jester pay 121$ for the TV!!!! That’s 212$ per month! Imagine THAT! Let’s talk “Living witih-in one’s means? None on my business.) – I am having a coffee… a NASTY coffee from next door… instant. No time to get to the market for the good and less expensive stuff so… we do what we must. – There’s been no word from Viv for about a week now. I wish I could say that I’m concerned. I’m not. It take as much energy and time there to send to here and it does here to send to there. If I’m not worth that much effort then so be it. NEXT! – OH! But my travel has been approved! They phoned to verify that I work at the Fuklin office and the nice lady said that very few people claim “motorcycle”… I told her it was only for the good weather. She told me… a car is at a higher rate. Oh well… 114 is 114 more than I expected. I’m OK with that. But how strange she called on the break, I just happened to be there to answer. Something is working well… And I’m grateful. – 22.03 I know I’m going to regret being awake at this hour, but I’m having my jelly donuts for the calories and hot water for the … to save the tea. – I’ve been racking my brain trying to figure how I was going to handle this insurance and registration fiasco and I’ve just figured it out!!!!! – A quick list of Friday’s events, inspection stations …… AND THIS CONCLUDES OUR DAY.

Thu.6.Nov: 5.38 My knees don’t want to bend this morning for climbing stairs. Ah.. ONE MORE TRIP… this week! ONE MORE TRIP! This is going to be a TOUGH day: working Fuklin this morning and the Creek this evening. But… we’re going to make it! Yes, we are! – When I mentioned the split to her ladyshit last night, there was a pause in the chatting (of course, her ladyshit was stoned at the moment). But there was no offer to assist. So? So… WE WILL MAKE THIS TRIP! YES! WE WILL! Tomorrow? INSURANCE ON THE CAR! Monday… PLATES! Then, 15 days to inspect. That’s rather nice… a chance to recover from the initial investment. Then? The daily hope that the car will start, run, and so forth. Of course, I looked at the list of inspection items and, well.. there’s the hope that it will pass that … with-out a HUGE sum of cash lay-out. I should be excited… I am anxious. – Coffee this morning is HORRIBLE! NASTY! THAT SHIT FROM NEXT DOOR! Honestly… like SHIT! Maybe it should be called “Vermont Coffee… tastes like the shit in the wind.” – 19.35 In bed and SHOWERED! – There was a shit-load of mail this morning! Made up for yesterday and then some! But… I just focused on the work at hand and… got it all in on time! Of course, all morning I was in knots, waiting for the morons of this little village to show up and fuck about at the last minute BUT… by 11.30 I was OUT! Had to run back to the house to get my phone. Why? I don’t know… I just did. Although it paid off at the end of the day. Anyway… when I left the office, I truly did NOT have the energy to do all that biking. I simply did what I do: focused on the work that had to be done and kept pedalling. The ride was chilly but not too bad. EXCEPT FOR THE 7 SHIT-TRUCKS! I HAD SHIT IN MY FACE AND IN MY EYES! IT WAS HORRIBLE! I THOUGHT OF IT AS THE “SHIT PARADE”! FUCKING NASTY FUCKS IN THIS COUNTY. RAINVILLE ON THE SHELDON RD WAS HEAVY AT IT! AND OF COURSE, IT WAS AS HE WAS SPRAYING THAT THE CHAIN ON THE BIKE SLIPPED AND I HAD TO STOP TO PUT IT BACK ON! THEN THERE WAS THE KANE ROAD WITH THE FUCKERS PASSING BACK AND FORTH. HONETLY… SHIT-FREAKS IN THIS PLACE! THE E. SHELDON RD WAS COVERD AT LUSSIER’S FARM. JUST SICKENING! – It was 12.35 when I got to the market so, instead of a sandwich, today was more cottage cheese and sour cream for lunch. Oh well. It was filling. Moments later? THE SHITS! Just up out of no-where. I’d gotten all the mail out and was getting to the paper-work when BLAM! It hit! And 3 trips to the loo! But, all told… a great day. – At the end, I was getting ready to walk out the door when my cell rang. Bobo was coming to fetch me! In the rain! Imagine that! I was going to send a text to say not to bother, but the work kept me from doing it. And I’m rather glad I didn’t because by the end of this day, I had NO energy to pedal! And especially not in the rain. I’m running down, rather sorely and rapidly. I wonder why… 3 weeks of this shit! Hopefully all will go well tomorrow… and then on Monday… and then… an inspection and it’s done! – Odd: I was sitting with Bobo and her ladyshit (her ladyshit had come in from a jaunt with Jester to the doctor’s office this evening) in the parlour and Bobo asked “Are you going to be able to handle everything you need to do with the car?” As if, had I said “No.” they would do anything to help. HAHAHAH! and HAH! But I assured them that I could handle it. (It’s another case of having ONLY the money that I truly NEED and NOT ONE BIT MORE!) But, I’ll handle it… some-how. – Right now I’m do exhausted and ready for sleep. May it come when I end this day, and may I wake rested in the morning. The forecast is for 6-10cm starting after 15.00 tomorrow! SNOW! We shall see what comes of it. Right now, it’s raining. – 20.14 WELL! I JUST FIGURED OUT WHY MY PAY DIDN’T COME TO WHAT I’D PLANNED… I GOT SHORTED 2 HOURS AND 5 MINUTES!!!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK! OF ALL THE FUCKING WEEKS! SO NOW I HAVE TO WAIT ANOTHER TEO FUCKING WEEKS TO GET THAT MONEY! FUCK! FUCKING GOOD THING I KEEP MY OWN RECORDS NOW. WELL? TOMORROW WE SEE HOW THIS RUNS ALONG. AND THEN? AND THEN! – 20.33 Up from a smoke and finishing my tea. I didn’t put anything on my face after the sower tonight. Au nachul for this evening. – I checked the Skype… no word from the North. I wonder… but I’m annoyed. Oh too fucking bad. – I WILL be under the covers and lights out by 21.00 tonight though. I’m just SO weak!

Fri.7.Nov: 5.46 It’s a good thing I woke on my own this morning. A check of the alarms shows that I turned all the alarms OFF! But I got about 8 hours’ sleep last night (and could use another 8 I should think). – Rain this morning. Indeed. And Bobo played with the pellet stove and the fumes come right up and into the room. How charming. Stinks like hell. – The other two are awake at this hour… and Jester’s phone is tinkling away already. Bobo… in the car and on the phone. What a fucking sick situation. But.. none of my business nor concern. – And a day at the fukhole. How charming. – I’m ticked about the 3 hours of being shorted on the cheque. I have to calm down before telling Rachel. Thinking: an e-mail, enumerating the hours that SHOULD have been on this cheque. Now… if I get the travel AND salary next cheque… it’s going to be reduced in taxes because of the added income. AND… it’s not to help with the FS that have been cut from 198 to 175! Yes… another morning beginning with being pissed. – But… today is “Insurance Day”. May it go well, easy and simple! We shall see. Nothing goes well, easy and simple. –
18.44 THE SUBARU IS INSURED!!!!! FOR 6 MONTHS!!!!! IT WAS A SNAP!!!!! It cost me a bit more than the quote… 200$ total, but that’s STILL a far cry from the almost 1200$ that “Flo” wanted! Anyway… Car: purchased and insured. 2 more steps to go and DONE… for 6 months anyway.
19.53 Just up fro a smoke. The room and the house stink of pop-corn. I took Dixie out with me, but she stopped in the back porch to lick a pizza box clean. The sound of her licking, so hungrily at that box ripped my heart. How awful, to be that hungry, in this cold weather… and indeed, it is cold tonight… and there are light flurries of snow falling in the air. And I think of how these fat slobs “allow” these poor creatures only a small portion of food, whilst they fatten themselves on what-ever they want to eat. Earlier, Bobo brought in two bags of pellets and her ladyshit carried in one. I was having a smoke… I held the doors. I did NOT offer to haul pellets. And I’m glad I didn’t. I hauled 8 tonnes about to stack them… and yet, there’s been no mention of heating this room, and it’s getting colder in here as days pass. Let them carry their own pellets. And… as they whine about what they don’t have, and her ladyshit wallows in misery, I can’t help but think: Maybe there IS some force or something that redresses the evils of people… and may it reign full in this house! – Well, the car is now purchased and insured. I’m anxious at this point, to get it on the road. Not that I have any plans to go any-where in particular. Not even to HOME… save for the trips to Bedford, perhaps one or some to Sutton… and several to Richford. (I have to get another PO box there SOOON!) But it’s nice to know that it will be there when I need to get to work… and out of this town! – The day? It went rather well, all told. The office was a mess, as usual, when I got there this morning. I talked with Rachel about the “short” in the pay-roll. My error. It’s all about that “tenths” the PO uses. Instead of the ,83 that Id been using, the time should have been ,33. Oh well. At least all’s taken care of now. I was a bit on the nasty mood this morning, and poor Gena took the brunt. But I hope it all got settled when she came back and we were laughing and such. She was still there when I left at almost 17.00! (There was a LOT of mail today! Even the driver, Andy, said it was horrible.) Oh well… tomorrow is another day.. of course. – This evening, I checked Skype and broke down and sent an e-mail to Viv… nothing in the text. Just the subject: Just checking-in. I’ve nothing to say. If I can take the moments to connect and check for her words, she can check for mine. I’ve no time nor interest any longer. “Never push a loyal person to the point where they no longer give a fuck.” I no longer give… – Am in the bed, under the afghan which is surprisingly making for a nice bit of comfort of its own. But I have to make the bed soon… perhaps tomorrow evening… I’ll shower before bed and put on the linens. Meanwhile, this is going well enough for the time. – The fatboiz are lounging, eating pop-corn and watching a DVD they bought last evening. Ah… can’t feed their little animals, but can buy such bull-shit. It even brings to mind the ferrets… stuck in that dark room all the time. May those who cause them to suffer, find more suffering still… for the duration of their existence… in this world and the next… And if, at present, there is no “next” world, may one be created… just for them.

Sat.8.Nov: 4.07 Yes, that’s right. 4.07… and having coffee. I don’t now why I woke this early or perhaps it’s because I was under the covers round 20.00 last night? I dont’ know but here I am. FuckTheWorld. – 14.24 Took a nap, set the alarm for 14.25, woke at 14.05 and PANICED! Thought I was supposed to be back at the PO at 14.00… put on my boots, tossed about in a frenzy and then realised… it’s Saturday! FUCK! – Well, went down for a smoke and… FOUND THE OLD PLATES!!! A PAIR! MONDAY! YAY! – 21.24 In bed. Not showered, but don’t really care. – Today? A joy to work with Sue in spite of the fact that the volume was rather heavy and neither of us got done too early. Yet, the rest seemed to flow. I think the town avoids me, but I don’t give a shit. The scanners went down. The computer is slow as shit in January. So I ended up staying until almost 13.00! Which is why I had to nap when I got back to the house…. and to an EMPTY house. Yes, they all went on their little joy ride to shop… until about 18.00. (I hope with my all that none of them has the fucking nerve to ask me to go some-where for any of them when the car is on the road! Fuckers. But I wouldn’t put it past them to do so.) Anyway, I’ve already documented the calamity of waking at 14.05 and thinking I had to go back to the office AND HAVING FOUND THE PLATES FOR THE CAR! (temptation… and no, I will not take it out an about with them on it). – I even had time for a new try with 10z and skatestrapped. It’s been too long a ride, too high the fare, but for the brief moment it all lasted, it was quite the relief! Thankfully. – For the rest of the day? Nothing. I lounged until “they” got back. I didn’t offer to help haul the booty. Fuck that. I don’t eat, I don’t haul. – This evening, Bobo, her ladyshit and I were on the back gallerie chatting. All’s well on this farm – They’re supposed to go away next week-end but there’s a threat of Winter I DO hope they go. Not that I’ll have the house to me, but I hope they DO get to go. Just GO! – When I saw that the house was empty when I came back from work, I stopped at the market, got rolls (for? I don’t know), rice cereal and heavy cream for calories and such. That was today’s “meal”. A bag of Doritos… that was tonight”s “meal”. And now I’m waiting for my ginger to steep. I’ve turned off all the alarms on the phone for tomorrow. I wonder how long I’ll sleep in. (Of course, with the fucking dogs barking now… bullshit!) – It’s been 3 weeks of 6 days and a lot of biking. I deserve a sleep-in… and tomorrow? I want one because Monday will he hectic again… And I do NOT look forward to the bullshit at the office. I WILL be out of there at 11.30 whether this shit-hole town likes it or not. – No Skype from Viv nor a reply to my e-mail. Part of me wonders if she’s OK and another part is annoyed. There’s no telling what could be going on up there, but most of me tends to think it’s just not bothering and most of me believes it’s because I didn’t bother to help with the rent this time. Maybe, if the car’s good enough, I’ll try to take a spin up to see her. We’ll see as the week progresses and after the inspection sticker is “red”.

Sun.10.Nov: 7.17 And the day begins… Begins? OK then. Begins. I suppose i got enough sleep last night. I suppose. This morning begins… with the anxieties… how to get the plates on the car tomorrow morning before getting to work. What to do with the car while at work. And the trip… will the car make the trip to be registered? Then… the inspection. The brakes are loose. Will they be OK? Will the engine hold? Are the lights OK? SO many questions… How much more will I have to put into the car? Will I ever have enough for what’s needed? Yes… the day begins. – 11.00 I went back to sleep this morning and I’m only now just waking up again! Ca ce peut tu? Et pis… je m’en câlisse moé! PANTOUTE! – Odd dream though about something in the PO with having to get new ID and finger-prints. Something about a new contract for some organistation. It was, to me, more annoying than anything else. I was going to take time off that day for something but this shit came up. Just a little dreamlette. – Now? For the rest of this day? I don’t know and am not concerned. Tomorrow is what I’m thinking about. – 20.03 This has been quite the day. I did… NOTHING! Spent the day on-line for the most part, in the room, alone, speaking with no-one. Imagine that! I’m exhausted from the anxieties of tomorrow: getting the plates on the car, getting to the DMV, getting the registration, and getting back to work on time. I’m worried about the car starting, running, making the trip. Just worries… all worries. I should be dancing at this point. I know better. Things do NOT work out for me. But I’m resigned to having to put a LOT of money into this car. There’s a bit left after the “essentials” and I know there’s a pocket wide open, waiting for it. It wouldn’t be “My” life if it went any different. So? Maybe this car will make THIS Winter my last. It’s been a long time coming. – I could stop at the market either during the break or even after work tomorrow. But I know better. There are things that I certainly need there. But… it just has to make it to the DMV, then to the CU and back tomorrow. That’s the “essentials” at hand. Still, tonight, there’s no sense in being anxious about any of this. There’s nothing that can be done tonight and tomorrow will be what it will be. – I’d like very much to go out and put the plates on tonight, but I don’t dare. If there’s a “scan” done as it sits out there, I’m screwed already. AND, it would be my “fortune” that Bobo would notice in the morning and that would result in all sorts of shit! So? I’ll wait until he leaves, put the plates on before the store opens and bring the car to the PO. Then, when it’s time to run… I’ll RUN! and pray all the way.- “Meals” today was Ramen followed by the rice cereal I got at the store yesterday with the little heavy cream that was left mixed with water and brown sugar. I’ve been drinking tea all day. Not much to go on. But Thursday I’ll be able to eat a nice sandwich again. Back to “my” office for 2 days. Hopefully I’ll be driving to work too. – Well, it’s going for 20.30 and I don’t have the luxury of a “snooze” in the morning so now I have to hope for a full night’s sleep. – As I say: I should be dancing about with glee… but I know better. – 21.06 Hungry, not too tired…but lights are OUT!

Mon.10.Nov: 4.26 Well, obviously there’s no more worrying about being awake on time. I woke, at about 3.45, on my own. Didn’t fall right to sleep last night, with stomach churning and thoughts… so many thoughts. I need to remember the money order. I need to get to the CU after registration. Getting to Hannaford’s would be a nice addition, I’m out of coffee and creamer. It would be nice to get to the Creek to get stamps so there’s more cash in the drawer. I’ll get her ladyshit a sheet of Batman stamps and a set of Harry Potter for Viv. (Why? Only because we need the cash in the drawer. Other-wise they could all rot. And I don’t need stamps.) Maybe I could even pay the phone today. So much to accomplish. May the car hold out for all of it. So many little errands that I’d like to get done today. Then back to the hell-hole. – I’m up from a smoke and Dixie for a slash. And my post-nasal drip (just like my Mum, this) is a bit annoying this morning. – Other than that? Just another day in paradise. – 6.10 Plate is on. Phase one of the day is done. Car is on the side of the house. Phase II done. BUT… the dash lights don’t work!!! Problem I begins. Let’s see where the rest of this day goes… – 17.53 JUST getting into the room… but…
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REGISTRED!!! REGISTRED!!! REGISTRED!!!
THE CAR IS NOW REGISTRED!!! (and in 05476) REGISTRED!!!
Only thing left is the inspection!!!
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I wish I could say that I’m all sorts of thrilled, but… I think I’m too tired and too numb and still in disbelief. But, it’s parked out front, and no sign in the window warning that it should NOT be towed! (Still, I like the idea that several people know about the “call in” on it.) – I actually had to work until 17.00 tonight to get all the reports done. This town and it’s post office are a curse! This entire town is a curse! And when I finally got to the back door? The 3 cows are all seated round the trough, shoving cud into their gullets and… THE BLOODY DOOR WAS LOCKED! But not one of them would leave their food to UN-lock the door, so I had to dig for the key. When I got in, Jester looks up, blankly and sarcastically says “Oh… was the door locked?” I simple answered “No. I jut didn’t have anything to do at the moment beside dig for the key…. Voyons.” and I started up the stairs as her ladyshit called “We have baked… (something or another). “I’ll pass. Thanks.” I called back. “Oh. OK.” (More for the heifers.) And I came into the room to un-pack the day! AND… put my Ramen into the mug. Nice way to celebrate. – I’m actually exhausted. – Asfor this day… It was a horrid day at the office! The volume was “Monday”. Trays of mail to be sorted and cased. TRAYS! And, of course, the “natives” began attacking from the moment the door opened. These people are the shit of New England. Nasty attitudes and disrespectful to the umteenth degree! How I DO hate going into THAT office to do the work that I DO happen to luv. – But… AT 11.30 sharp, I was in the car and on the road, being nervous thinking that, if anything was to go “wrong” with the car, it would happen today. It took a bit of getting used to. There’s a bit of play in the steering because of the alignment, and the noise of the Winter tyres. Wondering how long I’d have to wait when I got there and other little details. I rather almost took my time, watching for bumps in the road. Ever since the episode with Devon and the strut shoving through the car, it’s something new to be nervous about. But the trip went ever so well. I got to the Elks, and there was a couple waiting to sign-in. I got the clip-board and signed and IMMEDIATELY, the young woman who helped me re-new my license recognised me and took me! As she worked, we chatted about all sorts of things. She even remembered that I biked in the last time! Imagine? Ca ce peut tu? WELL! In a snap, it was all done. BUT, as she added the figures she noted that I didn’t have to pay the “Title” fee and whited-out that part, telling me “You’re going to get money back! We don’t title cars this old!” Ah hah! Not too shoddy! Better to OVER-pay than to UNDER-pay! I say. – We talked about “vanity plates” and both agreed that 45$ extra is just too steep for something so silly. She showed me the plates.. THE PLATES!!! I can certainly live with them! THANKFULLY they’re NOT the same series as the GFF! I am pleased. – She told me how she’s hoping to have another child soon because, at the age of “less than 30” she’s been diagnosed with Lupus! How god-awful! So young and to have such a thing hanging over her! It makes me wonder, all the more, what the actual fuck is happening in this world these days. These cancers, these ailments, these diseases! These YOUNG people! There’s something terribly, truly WRONG! Indeed, yes, my heart aches when I think of the fact that at that age, these people should be living their lives, their youth, and THIS SHIT strikes! It’s not right, fair, correct. It’s just OH SO WRONG! – In moments, I was out the door, putting the plate on the back of the car (I have to work on the screws for the front plate) and… off to the CU for cash to pay the money order and make change in the drawer. Ah… the CU… that Mexican girl. Not only does her accent bother me terribly, when she counted-back the cash I noticed… she CAN’T! Not the brightest bulb… in fact… no bulb at all. I had to re-count to be certain I got all that I was supposed to get. And what I got looked like some kind of banque-roll with all the singles and 5s and such. AND… when she gave me the receipt with the balance, there was still more than I’d anticipated, but I was happy. My MAJOR concern was that there should be enough to cover the insurance payment, and indeed there was! – Out of there, into the REGISTRED CAR and over to Walmart for air freshener for the room and the car. The “Christmas” season is upon us already and there were pine candles and sprays. I got a candle and 2 little tins of spray, a small bottle of Armour-all for the dash and such. (En route I noticed that the steering wheel had been cut. I’m supposing this car was a re-po of some kind and they had to drill the lock and cut an anti-theft thing off. I’ll need a new cover for it because this one is a big ragged at one piont, but I couldn’t find one that I liked just today.) There were folding pocket knives for 5$ and there have been times when I wished I had one so… I bought a knife too! Something I’d NEVER get in NYC! It was my “gift” to me… a little something for “ME” for a change. And… out the door and over to HANNAFORD’S for REAL COFFEE… BUSTELLO… AT LAST! creamer, Ramen (of course) and PopTarts. When I got out of there, it was already 13.30! The time had FLOWN by! BUT… instead of a 2,5-hour bike ride ahead? I got into the car, drove directly back to the office and was in the door at… 13.50!!! Imagine? A bike-ride of 2,5 hours takes a mere 20 minutes by car! THAT SUX! What used to be an all-day excursion is only 20 minutes! How…what-ever. And I thought: the Saab sits there in the road, all day, almost every day and not once would anybody offer to make my life a bit easier. Well… let’s just hope none of them have the balls to ask for the favour of a trip! There’s a limit to what is appropriate. As the “meme” on the socmed read:
“GIVERS HAVE TO DRAW THE LINE OF LIMITS
BECAUSE
TAKERS SELDOM DO.”
The rest of the day at the office wasn’t all too bad. Gena came back. Cindy rang to tell me that there’s trouble with the applications/procs/progs on-line and to do the best I can. I did… in fact, I missed only one report and that was the one giving everybody trouble. – *** But there’s real trouble today: seems somebody hacked into the USPS data-bases!!! Got access to TRUE personal information of the employees!!! Here we go! Identity theft! Maybe this is my opportunity to clean some issues up? I don’t know. I don’t like it, I’m quite a bit rather pissed at the moment, but we shall see what’s to follow. Imagine… all the shit I went through because of their scrutiny and now THIS? Fuck! – Anyway, I took my time getting the place in order, cleaned out a LOT of left-over mail, got EVERYTHING delivered as should be and by 17.00 I left, drove round the Square to the front of the house to park the now-legal car! (If the dash would light, I might have gone into Richford to get gas and a bottle of vodka… but maybe it’s best I didn’t anyway.) – Ah… then I get to the back door and… well.. I’ve already journalled THAT fucking shit! No sense in re-hashing it here and now. – So… I am exhausted tonight. It’s not that there was so much that knocked me out physically, but the mental and emotional hay-ride my body and mind have endured today was a bit much! – BUT… THIS EVENING, I DID A LITTLE CELEBRATING… I OPENED THE “50” (and realised that it tastes rather like… BALENTINE! How delightful it would be to find THAT again. But what a joy to simply enjoy the “50”!!! and to “celebrate” in a quiet way, just to sit on the bed, chit-chat on the socmed with Rozie and relax… at long… LONG last! – Tonight it is good to know that I don’t have to WORRY about the weather to come. I don’t have to WORRY about pouring rain and drifting snow, bitter cold and ice. AND, that now I just might be able to get more working hours… at least for a bit AND that this might improve my chances of actually getting an office… Sheldon? Perhaps! What-ever… it will be a delight… I certainly hope. I’ve worked so hard for this… and nobody can say I haven’t! When I think of Bobo and the bull-shit he’s already spread about me: so typical of this fucking shit-hole… this open manure-pit of a town. Never mind how hard I’ve worked just to work. Hey… and all they’ve done is given me a room at the end of the hall, space they wouldn’t use, a room that even Jester won’t take. An un-heated room, at the end of the hall in an un-heated end of the house. A few showers per week, a couple laundries per month. And to talk about me as if I were shit! Well… I worked HARD to get this job and to keep this job and to make it TO this job, which is one HELL of a lot, even if I must pat my own self on the back. Validation comes from with-in… I am pleased. I am productive. And this is the beginning of a new and prosperous future… and I am thankful to those whose hearts poured out to help me. – 22.07, much later than I thought I’d make it to. (Note: for the second week, I was not “invited” to watch “Sleepy Hollow”… well, well… bloody old queen. Par for the course.) It’s time for lights out and to wrap this day in a nice little package, call it “my history”, the “turning point to better days” and try for some much-needed and certainly well-earned… SLEEP!

Tue.11.Nov: 5.41 WHY I am awake, I have NO idea, but I am (and I do believe I just might make a wash, considering Bobo left for work this morning as I was making…. CAFE BUSTELLO!). – GOOD NEWS THIS MORNING: Just checked the CU account because the balance seemed a bit “hi” to me yesterday and… TRAVEL EXPENSE CAME IN!!! AND INSURANCE EXPENSE GOT PAID!!! *** HAPPY DANCE DAY! YESSIREE! – 6.10 and, at long last, the laundry is IN! – AND… the reason for waking at this hour: the inspection… I wanted to take the car to Richford for that… BUT… imagine if I did… when they keyed-in the info on the reg. WELL! Scratch THAT idea. My intentions were perfectly well and fine but… SO… perhaps I shall take it to Stone’s in e. Fairfield or Sheldon. I’m leery about the Highgate station because, well, considering the things that K.Raymo failed to tell me about the car, I don’t know if he has some sort of “deal” with the station he recommended. So, I’ll pass on that. Sheldon. I’ll ask when I get to work on Thursday. Besides, I’m sure that town could use the business as well. I asked about the Dick across the road. 40$ and call a week in advance. What-ever. No NOT in this town. – 6.14 and already the texting begins between Bobo and Jester. Honestly, none of my business, but this is so sick. – 7.12 and the second load of wash is in! Her ladyshit was in the loo (on the throne, as it were?) when I went down to put the whites in. Hopefully, mesdames will remain in repose until the laundry is done. – There’s sun-shine coming in through the window this morning. The high temperature is expected to be round 11°! And I am hoping for a trip to get gas in the car… and a visit to Richford… and maybe even up to Sutton and Bedford. We shall see. It’s a “holiday” up North as well, but I’ll have to check to see what’s open and what’s not up there… in the Home-land. – 20.52 It was a delightful day… clear, sunny, breezy, warm. I had the trots! The shits! Churning stomach and all! I got the laundry done. I got the room cleaned. I got the papers put away. I got a few moments out on the back porch for a smoke. I got to enjoy… none of it. I think these days of biking and running and working and running and being anxious and all of what-ever it’s been for the past several weeks just came crashing! I napped, for about and hour, until almost 17.30! And I’m exhausted now. So much so that I’m simply going to go to bed in the camos and hoodie. I’d wanted to shower, but I don’t any more. I’ll shower in the morning. The morning… back at the hell-hole. First thing in the morning. I’m not looking forward to that. – I wasn’t invited to dine. I’ve spoken with no-one and no-one’s spoken with me all day. But I’m not complaining about that. Just noting. – But this evening, I had a double Ramen and 2 PopTarts, and an Earl Grey. And this morning, I had COFFEE! REAL coffee! So? We accept the little things in life that make it worth the … bull-shit… it doesn’t, Not really. – What DID make for nice was watching 3 episodes of “Northern Exposure” this evening. I just finished Season 1 Episode5. 3 more to go and I’ll hope I can get more. It was rather nice, being back there in that show. I have to thank the folks on the fesses-book page for the heads-up and check for more on the tube. – OH! Got an e-mail from Viv. She says she’s just been “in the dark”. It must be quite nice to have a therapist and medications to combat the “depression” shit and still give in to it. Gee… I wonder what that would be like… to be able to give-in to it… the depression. I wouldn’t know. I’ve never had the pleasure. Fuck. Really. How is it that I have to be surrounded by that kind of people? I just don’t know. Meanwhile, I’ve been combating my own daemons all these years… alone. Well, except for LC who was merely condescending about it. I suppose it makes me “stronger”. More bull-shit, all told. – Oh well, tomorrow it’s back to the routine. Back to the bull-shit of existence. Maybe I’ll take the car over to Richford for some gas. Or down to Sheldon for lunch at the market. How charming, to be able to drive over there to the store, to be seen in clothes, relaxed, instead of all rubberised in a rain-suit or drenched in sweat. We shall see. There’s supposed to be a rain storm coming in. Warm temperatures… and rain. Rain. Imagine that. Rain. More bloody rain. – Time to take a quick walk through a browse and get to sleep. Sleep. I can only hope. – I’m just up from a smoke. When I went down, her ladyshit and her Bobo were out front. Odd… I don’t trust either of them, especially about the car. I don’t trust this town around the car. This place is just pure evil no matter how one shakes it. I wouldn’t put it past any of them to damage the vehicle. Doing so would do none of them any good, but I do believe, heart and soul, that they’d do it just for the sake of being what they are: vicious and evil. I need to get the fuck out of this town… soon.

Wed.12.Nov: 5.35 I woke before the alarm again this morning. And her ladyshit is awake and flounced on the sofa… on the phone… on the fesses-book. – My stomach is bloated. Much gas this morning. Any wonder? Dietary intake is mostly shit. And shit is probably the mot du jour. – I’m up from the morning smoke. And… – There’s a photographer in The City who has a drive going: for every “like” on fesses-book, a donation will be made to the Coalition toward Thanksgiving dinners for the Homeless. I’ve put it out on my “page”, asking people to “share” it and to click on the photos to contribute. I’ve 45 people on the “list” and tonight, when the drive is done, those who don’t bother will be… blipped. I remember, too well, asking others on Twitter, to “re-tweet” my link for my CrowdFunding. Those who claimed to be “friends” didn’t bother, particularly Nancy Lloyd (ah… indeed). I’ve no longer got the patience for this shit. Blipped… and gone. – SHIT TIME! – 5.48 Ramen noodles and bread… that was last night’s/yesterday’s “meal”… and so, it has come to pass… as it were. And my stomach? Not well this morning. The preliminary stress and anxieties of the car are passed… and there is no longer the concern of biking in the cold rain… and my body is crumbling. How “typical” … of me. – (On Friday morning) Well, today was another day of working the Fuklin office. There really wasn’t much mail at all, and for most of the day, my stomach knotted and growled. Not only because of the ailments of late but because I kept waiting to be hammered with more. – AT 11.30, I was OUT THE DOOR and on the road to get some gas into the tank. There was only but about a quarter tank and the weather’s getting cold so it wasn’t a matter of simply “wanting” but “needing” to put more in. So I drove into Sheldon to the Shell station where… I COULD NOT FIGURE HOW TO OPEN THE COVER TO THE GAS TANK! I felt the right idiot, standing there at the pump, trying to open the damned cover. Finally, I gave up and went over to the Post Office where I was going to go anyway to get stamps (a sheet of Batman for her ladyshit.. just because I’m a fool) and a book of Harry Potter for Viv (just because I’m an idiot) to put some more cash in the drawer and change for Rachel (and me). Well, when I got to the office, I got the stamps and mentioned that I couldn’t figure how to open the cover. Rachel looked it up on-line (what did we ever do before Internet?)… There was a mention of some sort of “ring” on the floor beside the driver’s seat and sure enough… when I went out to look… THERE IT WAS, RIGHT WHERE IT WAS INTHE PREVIOUS SUBARU! Talk about feeling the total arse! Indeed! – OK. That done, I went BACK to the gas station, put in 20$ of the HighTest (to flush a bit through the engine) and stopped at the market for FOOD! (The 20$ gave me about a quarter tank… so it’s going to be roughly 80$ to fill that tank? A far, far cry fro the 35-cent gallon of youth!). – Well… hahaha… I got back to Fuklin at something past 14.00 and as I drove up, there were several cars in the lot and as I walked in, 3 or 4 people standing there.. waiting for me! FUCK THEM! I simply walked in, said nothing to any of them, opened the safe and went to work. Tough shit Fuklin. I needed food and yes, it IS about “ME” here… and NOT “you”. But nobody complained… to my face anyway. – The day went along rather well, all told, and no more mail came in! Freaky! – But then, at just past 16.00 the phone rang and some guy from the Postal Service called. I couldn’t hear him well enough to understand who he was but he knew all about me and my position and such, so… As we talked he told me that 5 Dec. is when there’s to be a major over-haul of the postal positions! (4 days before my cut-off?) Apparently, PMRs are to be gone, PSEs are to be converted to “career” and… AND… the Fuklin office is to be turned over to career “PTF” or what-ever. He asked me if I applied for any other office and when I told him about my application for Sheldon he told me that I’m second in seniority in the “cluster” and that there’s one PTF fro Isle la Motte who would have preference over me. He also told me that, should the office go to that person, I would likely be put into Highgate (oh JOY! Fuck me!) BUT.. when I mentioned Rachel, he told me that they had no business turning the Fuklin office over to her… that because of my position, *I* have seniority over her and that my position entitled ME to the office! I told him, unabashedly, that I do NOT want that office. BUT… as he pointed out, according to the records, Rachel is still a PMR and that puts her in a precarious place because they could still bump her right out! How nasty can this service get? Now though, I wonder what’s to become of me. I do NOT want to work in Highgate, I DO want to stay in Sheldon… but I don’t even know if I’ll be re-hired after my 5-day break. The bull-shit deepens and thickens. How appropriate though: in a land where “shit” is in the air, water, food… it’s also in the job. – Well.. I wasn’t out of the office until about 17.00 with all the chit-chatting on the phone. – Back at the house, all was… as all usually is. Her ladyshit and the Jester had gone into St.Allbeans and brought back that 5$ chicken and that’s all they were talking about. I chatted a bit and as I did, Bobo got himself several servings. It wasn’t until rather later that I was on my way out for a smoke when her ladyshit “offered”… I declined, feigning stomach troubles. The car was mentioned, rather as a matter of course. I simply said that it’s running and that it still needed to pass inspection and that I’m hopeful and left it at that. (I am SO learning to keep my life to myself again!) – Well, it got later and such and so, again tonight, in spite of wanting to shower, I am passing… again. Postal dust and daily dirt… and camo-pants and hoodie… to bed. Oh well… Some days just be like this… too many, too often. But… I have a bed, in a house, in a room (a cold room.. but a room). – Amen.

Thu.13.Nov:
**********************************************************************************
INSPECTED!!! INSPECTED!!! INSPECTED!!!
THE CAR IS NOW INSPECTED!!! INSPECTED!!!
Only thing left is… NOTHING!!! THE CAR IS LEGALLY ON THE ROAD!!!
***********************************************************************************
Up at 5.35 and so it is. Not for any particular reason but, I was up. – Browsed a bit on-line, looking at things and such and so-forth. On the fesses-book, I knocked out the shits who couldn’t even bother to do the click/like thing for the Coalition. I’m fed-the-fuck-up with these arse-holes, have no use for their shallowness and bull-shit, I clean my life of that kind of moron… selfish, self-serving… bunch of NancyLloyds and the lot. The Alex, Rozie, Vicki… fuck the lot of them. I’ve no use. – At 8.30 I “napped” for an hour. – Then, at round about 10.30 I was out the door and on the road!!!! to St.Allbeans… to the CU to get my money the fuck out of there (shit! they won’t give me the card access so I’m not giving them my money to play with… for their whole 1-cent “dividende”… the fucks!) – How strange, still, to make that trip in only about half an hour when, for so long, it was a 2-hour trip! Anyway, with today’s anxieties about whether or not the car would pass the inspection, I buzzed along. I also stopped to pay the phone today and fuck me! They replaced the kiosk with a new one at the ATT and now… THE FUCKING THING CHARGES TAX!!! Seriously? What the fuck is THAT about? Instead of the flat 50$, now it’s charging me 53! Hey! Even that 3$ makes a difference to me! I’m not happy and will have to investigate further into this. ANY…way… I was heading back to the Sheldon office when I realised that I didn’t even have the phone with me! So I came back to the house, got the phone, headed into Sheldon, to bring the car in for… inspection….!!! – The guy at Johnson’s was nice enough. I left the car and the papers and the key and went to the market for my “grinder” for lunch and walked up to the office… at 12.15! Again… imagine being able to make my errands AND get to work… EARLY! – Not much volume at all! Thankfully. So I got it all cased and moving along with the after-noon… YAY! I had time to disassemble the blue rack to be sent off to Fuklin. I doubt the office will remain open come the end of this/beginning of next year, but I’m making it as comfy for me as possible for the time I’m there. But all the while I worried about the car: would something fall apart on it? would something terribly expensive need replacing/repair? What? – Spoke with Rachel about the telephone call last evening. Apparently there’s to be quite the situation come Dec. Cindy is taking holidays and so too, her replacement leaving Rachel and I in the “area”. Rachel hasn’t done that stupid “Window Academy” training, and if that’s the case, that’s probably why she hasn’t yet been bumped up to PSE. BUT… with the re-structuring, it puts her in a most precarious place! AND.. she insists that Cindy knows nothing about any of this! Me? It’s as I told her: PM’s can be quite wonderful, but they’re “career” with much at stake… when it comes to business… I don’t trust any of them. All we can do is wait this out at this point… and hope that when it all settles, we still have a job. FUCK! –
17.56 THE SUBARU PASSED INSPECTION!!! LEGAL!!! MINE!!! PRIMARY EXPENSES ARE DONE!!! LEGAL!!! ON THE ROAD LEGALLY AND DONE AND MINE!!! PAPER-WORK AND ALL… DONE!!! I’M IN DISBELIEF!!!!! AND THE GUY WHO DID THE INSPECTION (IN SHELDON) SAID THE CAR’S IN GREAT CONDITION!!! I AM SO IN A STATE OF DISBELIEF!!! AND… RELIEF!!! FINALLY!!! HERE!!! IN THE NORTH COUNTRY AND ON THE ROAD… AND NOT IN THE ELEMENTS!!! JUST AMAZING!!! ALL THESE YEARS!!! AT LONG, LONG LAST!!! –
22.37 In bed… WITH THE LINENS ON! AND SHOWERED! WHAT A NIGHT! AND IT’S BEEN FLURRIES THIS EVENING! (but may they stop so that her ladyshit and her Bobo go away for the week-end… I want to have a couple of MARTINIS!!!!)

Fri.14.Nov: 6.25 There’s a bit of a dusting of snow on the car… on the grass… a reminder that Summer is gone… Winter is just beyond. – The her ladyshit and Bobo are awake already, laundry folded and stacked on the bed. I’m just up from a smoke with B. First thing in the morning. Oh well. But it would seem that I got a truly good night’s sleep last night, under a sheet and the afghan (with the heating pad on, of course). But… I showered and slept in clean linens… and how wonderful THAT was! Indeed. – Now, to try to go back and get caught up with Wednesday and Thursday… notes. – 7.15 So much for the catching-up. And, on with this morning. – Oh… as we were having the morning smoke, Bobo asked if I’d talked with Jester at all last evening. When I said not really, he said the very thing that I’d though of last night: Jester is upset because “his” Bobo is leaving for a week-end with his husband! Honestly! the fuckingbloody bull-shit in this house! I need to get out of here and away from it… ALL! It makes me ill! – I’d wanted to Armourall the car this morning but it doesn’t seem to be a good day for such a thing. There’s the snow on the car and the cold in the air and no sun in the sky. I have to check the forecast as well. Oh well… there will be other days.. I’m sure. I have the stuff I need… that’s a start. And I should put more gas into the tank for the week-end… it’s getting colder and it’s time to make sure the tank is good. – 23.40 En route to work, I put another 20$ of the Shell premium in the tank. It brought it up to 3/4 now. Filling this thing is going to be costly. I have to keep up with it so that there’s no one big expense and I don’t want the tank to go too low. The car seems to ride better on the high-test, but eventually, I’ll go to the mid-grade. A little investigation on-line claims that Mobil is still the best of all “detergent” fuels. Looks like we go back to Mobil… to keep the engine running nicely. I need to find a place for an oil change as well. Or, do it myself when weather permits. Ah… Winter… May the car hold through. PLEASE! – It was a most delightful day at work today. Everything went right along and I was out of there at 16.40 with everything done, including the deposit and the weekly reports. – On the way back to the house this evening, I headed out to get… my martinis! Only as far as Enosburgh. I wanted to head into Richford, but thought it better to save the gas and the mileage on the car so… Stopped at the Dollar General for a little light for the dash and something to put into the lock-hole in the door. Didn’t get either but… BUT… got SLIPPERS! They were on sale! 5$ from 10$! Soft and lined and they stay on my feet with-out rubber bands! YAY! Finally! – Then, round the corner to the liquor store for a small Absolut and vermouth. I deserve this much. It’s been a very difficult year of biking and working for just about nothing at all. And, a little celebration of the car! – Took the 105/120 back to the house. Driving with-out the dash light is strange and a bit annoying. One thing though… my night vision is terrible! I’ve gotten to be that old person who can’t drive at night! How terrible. I remember the nights of driving to CT after work at ETC. I remember the nights of driving back from MTL. I can’t enjoy those trips any longer. My eyes don’t like the head-lights coming at me. I am “old” now. – Got the house and, as expected, it was completely dark. BUT… AS I GOT OUT OF THE CAR, SOME RED PICK-UP TRUCK WAS LEAVING FROM THE STORE AND SOME LITTLE LOCAL IN-BRED BITCH SCREAMS “QUEER!” AS THEY CAREENED DOWN THE ROAD! AH… AND NOW IT COMES TO THE SURFACE! TIME TO GET THE ACTUAL FUCK THE HELL OUT OF THIS HOUSE! FUCKING HICKS HERE! AND NOW I WORRY ABOUT THE CAR, BEING IN FRONT OF THIS PLACE! IT TOOK ME TOO LONG TO GET THIS CAR… THIS TOWN WILL BURN IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO IT NOW. – Inside the house, Jester was awake but in bed, of course. I grabbed a Coke glass from the cup-board and poured a bit of vodka and some vermouth into it and sipped. (Too much vermouth though… not a martini… more like a mixed drink… but… ) Over the course of the evening, Jester poured quite the drinks for itself and we chatted. We even sat in the parlour for a while, watching TV and chatting and what an opportunity THIS was:

********************************
•HE CONFIRMED THAT I’M BEING TALKED ABOUT IN THE WORST WAYS BETWEEN HER LADYSHIT AND BOBO… *** AND *** NOW THE FAGGOTS HAVE BROUGHT PENNY AND BRUCE INTO IT!!!
•WHEN HER LADSHIT WAS ON THE PHONE A FEW EVENINGS AGO AND SAID TO PENNY “MY PHONE CAN BE A BIT LOUD”, INDEED, THEIR TALK WAS TO INCLUDE ME!!! AND SOMETHING THEY DIDN’T WANT ME TO HEAR.
• HER LADYSHIT ACTUALLY TOLD BOBO AND JESTER THAT *I* NEED TO RAKE THE LEAVES IN THE BACK-YARD!!!
• And Deb told Jester that I’m not liked at the post office here, in town.
So I politely informed Jester that there’s a bit of “tax evasion” happening in this house, and that we have both been here for over 30 days which makes this our residence and that tossing either of us out in the middle of the night is illegal and that it could all end up in front of a judge in a court room which could lead to serious penalties for the other two and that that shouldn’t happen. (I wonder now how THAT’S going to get back to them! Oh well..) But there were interesting points spoken tonight.. – Jester says his intention for Thanksgiving is to cook and spend the evening in his room because Bobo, her ladyshit, Penny and Bruce will be talking about things he wants nothing to do with. And apparently, on a recent foray to Walmarde, her ladyshit actually told Jester “I don’t like you!” Ah… the shit is beginning to surface and all will not be well… Me? I’m prepared to go to the State, and the Fed… I’ve put too much work into this property AND all the biking to get to a JOB… whilst the other two sit on their arses, buying things on other people’s money and still crying the financial blues! Yeah… well… shit floats to the surface and in this town, there’s a LOT of shit floating these days. – Its time to move on, move along, move out and away… get the actual fuck out of this depression pit, and from afar, watch it crumble to the ground. No “thank you” no regrets, no grudges… just go. (Oh, I did manage to point out that they got their “home loan” thanks to the work *I* put into the property… so… I know it won’t mean anything in the distillation and that the lies are already flying thicker than black files in August… but…)
KARMA… or what-ever it is that Nature uses to bring balance… KARMA.
********************************

– And so, at this hour, I am SHOWERED and in bed. The pellet stove is full and running and the room is relatively warm because I’ve left the door open this evening. – Wrapping this day up! Tomorrow? A morning in the Fuklin Shit-box (a.k.a. PO).

Sat.15.Nov:

19.17 HOME! I TOOK THE CAR TO BEDFORD! * FINALLY HAD THE BEEF FROM LAST YEAR!
The morning? Well, I woke, not feeling too swift. Only got about 5 hours’ sleep last night and from that little bit of drinking… well… my body just can’t take it any more. Not too bad, but… draggy. – I got to the shit-box at about 7.00 to find that Rachel had assigned me stock… but her figure and my stock didn’t balance! I was 60cents OVER. HEY! Then Gena came in and the work began… straight through… and I said nothing. The phone rang… Cindy… I had to go looking for the carrier’s hours report! Like I have nothing else to do and I should take on these tasks when somebody else is responsible for them? As at the house, so too, at the office! Fuck this town! But… the mail was up and in and done by 9.30. I talked with Rachel about the difference in stock and indeed… her report was for 3 sheets of ,04stamps and she’d given me 3 sheets of ,05! Difference found.. and she told me she’d fix it on Monday. (Not that I care… I’m “over” and it was HER error. On Tuesday, I HAVE to take a drawer count!) – Well, the way the day ended, I actually had to stand on the porch for a minute before locking up! YAY! – When I got back to the house, I HAD HAD HAD to take a nap for an hour! Jester was awake, how odd. He went to watch TV and I?…. I HEADED HOME!!! IN THE CAR!!! for smokes! WELL!!! OK!!! 20 MINUTES TO THE METRO INSTEAD OF 2 HOURS! And at the border, there was some “new” fellow at les douanes and JO! So the passing went swiftly. But the little building that was there is now GONE… flattened to the ground, looks more like a parking lot! Terrible! And of all the seasons to do such a thing! Winter. But it was a delight to cross… in the car! – The travel was strange though. I’m so accustomed to being on the bike, the turns in the road feel different and “new”. It was almost as if I was there for the first time! The “timing” was all “off” for me and now, there are “ARRET” signs that need to be honoured. Still, the hills and turns and such felt “new”… but I was HOME! and it was WONDERFUL! AND… 20 MINUTES instead of 2 HOURS! – Got to Metro and today, got 2 boxes of Mae West, 3 Coffee Crisps, a kg of peanut butter, 4 packs of smokes AND TWO 50’S!!!!! AND… the dollars CAD/US? PAR! NO difference between the two. And… 83$ there. Still, I don’t mind so much, spending the money *I* WORK for OUT of the US. So… – A stop at the little papeterie or what-ever to chat with the nice lady there about the language issue and all sorts of things and to have a couple of smiles and laughs. I got a flag for the car… something to put in the back window on the “shelf”. I bet that’s going to cause much trouble in this town, but I don’t give a shit about this town. OK. It was money I truly shouldn’t spend… but I spent it on ME… on something to give ME a little happiness… for a change. And… I was off and rolling… back to Hell. Another quick through at the US border and to the house. – Jester was awake when I got in… less than an hour after having left! A 4,5-hour errand in under and hour! And he was watching the TV, said he didn’t even know that I’d left until he saw that the car was gone. Well… just another little something for them to pay attention to I suppose… bored little faggots. – But that steak that I’d been given last year round this time, from the farmer down the road, when I “saved” his calf… the burger… we thawed it this evening and cooked it up… half and half… Yes… I SHARED it with him! (I AM SUCH THE DUMBEST SHIT THOUGH!) Fried it up with a bit of salt and pepper and… it was really quite rather good, especially considering that it had been frozen for a year. I had the burger and a 50, Jester made a cold-slaw. I shared the burger… he mentioned that I should have taken a larger plate to have some slaw. But… – After we’d eaten, I took all the dishes and washed and put them up and cleaned the stove-top (lightly). And we headed out to the parlour to watch a bit of TV and chat… and tonight…. TONIGHT…..

********************************
• DURING THE DAY, BOBO HAD PHONED TO TELL JESTER THAT WHEN THEY RETURN “WE HAVE TO TALK”. leaving Jester all anxious about what’s to come.
• JESTER WON’T SAY “WHAT” PRECISELY BUT KEEPS TELLING ME THAT THERE’S MUCH TALK ABOUT ME BETWEEN THE 2 FAGS AND NOW BRUCE AND PENNY AND THAT THERE’S GOING TO BE SOME AWFUL THINGS DISCUSSED ON THANKSGIVING.
• I SAID THAT THERE COULD BE MUCH WORSE COMING WHEN IT’S DISCOVERED THAT THERE HAVE BEEN RENTERS HERE IN UN-HEATED ROOMS… AND THE INCOME THAT WASN’T DECLARED ON TAX FORMS AND THAT IT’S IN OTHER PEOPLE’S BEST INTEREST TO KEEP ME OUT OF THEIR SHIT!
• APPARENTLY JESTER IS TELLING FS THAT HE’S STILL RENTING IN BTV! TO “SAVE” THE FAGS. (AH HAH!!! SEE? SHIT FLOATS! KARMA WANT BALANCE!)
BUT ***** THE CLINCHER? AS WE’RE STANDING IN THE KITCHEN AT THE END OF WHAT WAS A RATHER NICE DAY… IT CAME:

***** JESTER HAD, IN A TEXT MESSAGE, ASKED BOBO:
“CAN I NOT PAY RENT FOR 6 MONTHS SO I CAN BUY A CAR?”
AND BOBO REPLIED:
“LOL” AND THEN “ARE YOU SERIOUS?” *****
***** THE FIND THIS TO BE A JOKE! SO I CLEARED THE AIR AND SAID: I’D BICYCLED TO WORK, AND WALK TO WORK FOR ALMOST A YEAR, WITH-OUT ANY HELP FROM ANYBODY! TO WORK.. WHERE I PAY TAXES THAT GO INTO THE FUND TO BE DOLED OUT TO THE LIKES OF THEM (JESTER AND HER LADYSHIT) SO THEY CAN SIT ON THEIR FAT ARSES AND SHOP ON-LINE AND DO NOTHING AT ALL! I PAY TAXES INTO THE FUND THAT SUPPORTS THEM! AND THE ONLY TIMES I WAS EVER GIVEN ANY SORT OF “HELP” BY BEING GIVEN A LIFT WAS ON THE FAR-WEATHER EVENINGS. NOT ONCE WAS THERE AN OFFER OF ASSISTANCE OR HELP… AND I AM WORKING TO PAY TAXES TO SUPPORT THEM! So… “not paying rent for 6 months to buy a car?” How about 6 years in jail for tax evasion and Welfare fraud? HOW ABOUT THAT? ****
********************************

And THAT is how THIS day drew to a close at about mid-night.. “LOL” indeed! The battle-ground has been laid out nicely, the WAR has been declared and now? It’s the end of the year… “TAX TIME”. Let’s see how it all plays out come, January.. whether I’m here or not… let’s just see how it all plays out. And THAT is how THIS day drew to a close.

Sun.16.Nov: 8.25 Just waking, with churning guts and a chilled room. Snow on the car and ground. Not much. But enough. I want to get to Richford, talk with people, set out the word to find a place to move to. I can’t get that one thought out of my head: “Can I not pay my rent for 6 months so I can get a car?” FUCK YOU! – Happy Sunday morning. – Time to fill in the blanks for Friday and yesterday. – Oh… DREAM this morning:
Plastic bags, the pellets bags, full of leaves, along a brook/river… similar to The Bronx river. As I walked along the banks, the bags were catching fire, for no apparent reason! Igniting, not bursting into flames. I moved them closer to the water and continued walking along thinking they’d burn themselves out in the water. (I wonder what that’s about… the pellet bags, from here, me stoking the stove, moving 8 tonnes of them, and leaves, like the leaves that I “have to rake up”. I wonder.) – 9.28 and COLD in the room, and quite in the house and I’m caught-up with the journal and will must-to-post it on-line… I want the details of this week-end ON the open internet! (And I do believe I’ll open this journal again… no pass-word… let’s see how THAT works out.) – 9.38 The PaperCoffeeCup Campaign is removed from the internet. – 19.20 Another “Clean-up Clean-Out Pack-Up” day done. I just got into the mood and tossed just about everything again. Tell me anything about your dissatisfaction and… I’d thought about going over to Richford this after-noon but the other 2 got back at about 14.30 and so… I didn’t bother. (But what I DID bother was to sweep the leaves from the front of the house and put them up onto the “flower bed” for mulch and insulation. I hope the fucking thing explodes with flowers next year and that the hole town remembers… fuck the lot of them.) – Bobo asked me how Jester was over the week-end. I simply said that we’d sat and watched TV and that he was rather OK. Didn’t bother to get into any of it. And it seems they haven’t had their “talk” but I don’t doubt it’ll come when the “back-up” arrives… P&B (P-ea B-rain). I don’t much care. – Am trying to decide if I should simply take the next cheque and toss it all to them just to disarm. I have to “budget” and see… but it would be fun to toss at least 500 at them… according to the hear-say… I’d only be down to them for 1600. Of course, I know where that would go… still… it would take some of the wind out of their sails for when the idjits arrive. I’ll have to ponder. – Quickly checking … Oh look! Lorts! On at 9.30 this morning and heading to Georges for dinner. How charming. Gee… I wish I could be happier… I wish I could be happy… no, not really, I don’t. Took too long and I’m too old and tired for this shit. – Oh well… perhaps an acknowledgements… or not. I doubt I’ll bother… She didn’t. Her birthday’s coming up on the 25th. What is this? A play for a gift? – I’m tired. Time to browse. I had 2 rolls with KRAFT peanut-butter for “meal” and a Mae West just now. Peppermint tea on the steep. Sleep time soon. – I got caught up in Twtr tonight. There’s another “documentary” on the Homeless and it was being discussed on Twtr so NYC8539266 was on the air! Questions were asked… answers and replies were not forth-coming. The film-makers were only on for an hour and so, when that hour was done, so too, was I. We shall see. – Ft. Lauderdale has made it illegal to give food to the Homeless and has set up a fund to bus them all out! A duplicate bit of shit of the Michael Bloomberg days in NYC. This country… this WORLD has gone completely apathetic and quite stupid… I’m glad I’m older… almost time to get the actual fuck out of this thing.

Mon.17.Nov: 6.02 Woke, this snowy morning to a DREAM:
2.52 I wish I could remember the whole dream but the last thing I do recall is having said: “That’s impossible!” and it had something to do with the events of this week-end.
Then, just before the 5.30 alarm… I was in a hurry trying to get ready for work, but the time on the clock was only 8.45 and yet, I was in a panic.
Well, as for the first dream, it just goes to show how much this is getting to me. It’s in my sleep now. I truly have to get the actual fuck out of this dump! – 9.59 and it’s still a bit snowy but this morning’s snow is melting and I’m hoping the car will start and run. Ah… once upon a time it was wondering about the biking in the weather, and now? It seems there’s always a little something to angst about. – Well, the room is re-packed this morning and ready to be put into the car and hauled away. Now, to find the money and the place to go to. At least I have a job to go to this morning. – On the fesses-book, there are TWO rather wonderful responses to the Homeless posts and such this morning. I might not be able to do much to save ME, but at least I can bring more awareness to the plight of others. And maybe… though I doubt it… it might make some difference. Hell! Even if it makes life and living a little easier for at least a few, that’s an improvement. We can’t save ALL but if we save one, that one can go on to save another… I should hope. – Meanwhile… this place makes me sick… and I haven’t have any interaction with anybody yet. Imagine that! –
22.33 WELL… MORE BLOODY-FUCKING VERMONT TRAGEDY TODAY! – But before that… the Subaru made it through the snows and rain today! We went and finally FILLED the tank! It took 18,50$! FILLED! Good gas to run through it for a while! And we were off to Walmarde for T-pins to put the new flag in the back window! Home-style now. Got a new “Camo” cover for the steering wheel too. The old cover was torn and my hand would catch in it. So now? Looking a bit on the Red-neck side. So too cute, me! – Then, to the market for a grinder for lunch and into work by 12.20! But it was non-stop all day! Honestly, I don’t know where they get off saying that place is boring! And people came in smiling and Paulette said that it was nice to see me… I LUV that place! Diana fucked again with the with-holding and putting it on the 1412! I had quite the time trying to make the deposit and getting rid of it! But I did. I don’t know that I did it correctly, but I did it. Tough shit if it turns out wrong… No matter… the US postal got it’s money, one way or another. And I was out by about 16.40 and on the road in the rains. – Ah… then this evening… THE SHIT HIT THE FAN!!! I was in the room when Bobo came up to talk about the events of the week-end. Yup… Jester tried to fuck me again! TRIED! And again… I dodged. Then her ladyshit came up, ready and raring to attack… but B. blocked that quickly. Seems L. DID NOT say the things Jester accused. And B. was there to hear the truth from L. B. said that he told Jester that it was expected that as soon as I started more hours and got a bit more money that I would HAVE to get a car and that Jester mis-understood… that I was NOT being granted extended free stay, only until I could get back on my feet! But that’s not how it all went along. AND… once again, I was accused of having threatened to call the police about the weed-smoking! Oh! HOW IT WENT ROUND AND ROUND AND ROUND! BUT… just a bit ago, I was in the kitchen with L. and when we’d talked, I thanked for the “talk” this evening and it was said: “I had a gut feeling all along about him (Jester) but B. didn’t want to hear it and didn’t want to see it. But we went out for a Coke and talked and he apologised. He didn’t realise the condition (Jester’s) was so bad.” WELL! WELL! WELL! Indeed, the shit-head is a manic-depressive and probably border-line personality. Clinically speaking. He’s delusional at times, thinking B’s in love with him. I see it. I’ve seen it all along. But it’s not to be expected that others will see it as well. Still… the bullet and barrage were dodged yet again… HOWEVER… B. SUGGESTED THAT I STAY AWAY FROM JESTER BECAUSE… “I WOULDN’T PUT IT PAST HIM TO GET ON THE PHONE AND ACCUSE YOU OF SOMETHING.” SO HERE WE GO AGAIN!!!! SHELBURNE, TARA AND STEVE! AND… L. TOLD ME THAT HE WAS READY THIS EVNEING TO COME UP AND TELL ME THAT I HAD UNTIL 17 DEC. TO VACATE OR HE’D PUT MY THINGS OUT ON THE ROAD! OK THEN! IT’S DOWN TO “BATTLE TIME” HERE AND SOMEBODY’S GONNA GET AWULLY HURT… AND IT AIN’T GONNA BE ME! I’M NOT PUTTING MYSEL IN A SITUATION LIKE THAT AGAIN! – Ever so tired tonight. Had to take 2 Naprosyns for a totally miserable head-ache. Just waiting for a mug of hot water (2nd time on the peppermint tea bag) to cool a touch to wash the meds down and hopefully get some sleep for tomorrow morning at “Fuklin” VT USA. How I want so much to vomit over that. – But… I have cause to believe that things are … let’s call it “safer than they were”. And on that, I shall put my head to rest… But not a deep or long rest because… the enemy still lurks and lingers… These times call for… the “others” and the “others” will be called-upon… No evil… just protection… until I can go back to where times were tougher but were much happier.

Tue.18.Nov: 20.43 This day is… OH-VUH! I am in bed, and thankful for that. – A day at the Fuklin office today. The volume was so light and I was so thrilled. Spoke not at all to Gena this morning and she did her best to relatively ignore my presence to the point of simply taking her mail as I sorted it. I don’t have a count for her and I don’t give a shit either. The clincher was when, at almost 16.30, the UPS moron came in to drop parcels and I simply told him that I wouldn’t sign for them. He left. I scanned. That was that. As it was, I didn’t get out of there until almost 17.00!!! And this, on a light day! Fuck! And Gena’s scans? 2 parcels out. I didn’t bother to check them. It’s her delivery, not mine. I don’t give a shit about that either. – Meanwhile, Rachel’s still pulling stuff out of the Creek office. So? Do what you will dear. If I get the office, that’s all going to come to a screeching halt… if the office stays open at all. I just hope with my all that I don’t get stuck in Fuklin nor shoved off to Highgate. But we shall see… and I do NEED a job… now, more than ever before. – The evening at the house went well… indeed. Bobo came and cut the floor to put in the larger registre, in the hopes that it brings more heat into the room. And he said, quietly, when he’d done “Now hopefully you won’t have to call the housing authority to report no heat in the room.” We lightly chatted about that, L. was in the room at the time as well, and made light of it. But when B. and I went out for a smoke he admitted that he didn’t expect the psychotic behaviour that Jester is bouncing about, and he’s resolved to not play into the “depressions” any longer. He’s also going to stop the spending sprees and cut back on Jester’s paying of the bills. (I’m rather relieved that I can start putting money into the house again… though I’m also thinking in terms of what I’m going to have to put into the car. I noticed this evening that I can’t open the trunk!!!) – Oh, a note: L. brought me a slice of their pizza this evening! Imagine that! – OK. – THE MANUAL IS NOW BOUND AND COVERED! I FINISHED THE COVER ON MY BREAK TODAY! It’s really quite something and a nice thing to have… even though it really doesn’t tell me much. But I HAVE THE OWNER’S MANUAL FOR THE SUBARU NOW! I AM HAPPY. – Other-wise, I do believe that I will MUST make a wash tomorrow. My clothes are starting to smell a bit on the “worn” side… and I need to shave my neck because the hair is getting so long that it tickles uncomfortably. But there’s tomorrow morning… (and may the car start and run for work tomorrow!) – It’s Tea’n’Internet time and then… to sleep… I hope. The mattress warmer is on and it’s almost cozy in the room this evening in spite of the almost bitter night… and today’s snow actually stayed. There’s still visible grass in the yard, but there’s snow on the ground and if we don’t get a warm spell. this is probably the beginning of the “Winter”. Oh well.. it was to happen anyway. – I want to get out of this town! – 22.18 Getting chilly in the room. B. dropped by earlier to see if there’s any “improvement”. Right then. – E-mail and Skype from Viv… not replying. Going to sleep now. Done day done!

Wed.19.Nov: 5.28 I woke, on my own, at 4.50! Why? I’ve no idea. But, I’m having coffee, had my smoke, took Dixie out to shit. Ran into B. in the kitchen. And.. I have a wash to make this snowy, crisp morning. And the morning thoughts? Fucking moron across the hall. How charming. I need to get that shit out of my system. I don’t trust the lot of them. But, it is as it is and that’s that. – On with the day (and a nap, no doubt). – 7.16 Garbage out. Laundry in. And the day begins… in earnest. And I want SO much to simply sleep-in! It’s -2° this morning. I hope the car starts, and runs. Always something to be concerned about… no matter what. – 22.54 Ever so tired and need to be up at 5.00… working the rest of this and all of next week in FUKLIN! (Life is punishing me for some reason.) – (On Thursday night 21.08) It was such a WONDERFULLY GREAT DAY at work today!!! The people there are truly a delight. It makes it such a pleasure to go to that office, and a marvel to be of help to them. Just such a blessing, if there truly are such things. – There was some of the usual trouble with the evening reports… the servers and that sort of “corporate” shit. But I managed to send my “certification” e-mail out to 4 people… 2 in the “corporate” and C.Shed and Rachel. So I’m covered. – I left at about 17.00 but in that office, I don’t mind the extra time. I got in early and left late… I hope they keep the office open and running and that I’m given the opportunity to turn it back round. – SO… this afternoon when I went to start the car, it was a bit hesitant at first and then… it started… with a bit of a bang… it back-fires in the cold! Oh well… as long as it starts and runs, gets me to “there” and back. Bless it and those who’ve helped me so much to have it! That car is truly a “Git of Trust”.. may that prevail over it… always. – Oh, during the day, I spoke with Rachel and mentioned the statement made by Jester about Deb telling him that I’m hated in the town especially working in the PO. Rachel assured me that, as far as she knows Deb (and they’ve worked together quite a long while) Deb would NEVER say such a thing to anybody. She chats, but she’s not the type to mention negatives about people… by name. So, I’m to believe that THAT was just another delusion… another psychosis. I managed to mention it to B. this evening… just to say, no malice intended. – Well there’s horrid, disturbing news on the media this evening… Obie’s pulling shit again and this time… FIVE MILLION ILLEGALS MORE will be granted amnesty! Seriously? My heart and mind can’t take much more of this shit! But at my age, and with my resources, I will NOT be subjected to the ramifications of this bull-shit! I’ll either be blessed with being taken out of here or I’ll see to it that I go on my own. But I do NOT want to linger about much longer. Thankfully I’m back up North. Hopefully these alien shits won’t venture up here because if they do? I’ll take care of the matter as *I* see fit. And then? I’ll take my “ticket” out. Just what I need before trying to get to sleep at night! Honestly! And to think that they’ll be supported on taxes on MY labours, MY salary? And I’m half-starved already. I argued with a few shits on fesses-book, blocked and un-followed some. I’ve not use for the obtuse. – 22.00 and Mexishit is over there barking! Jester receiving text messages with the “WOOHOO” train whistle tone! – I started looking into kerosene heaters for this “ice box”. They’re not cheap! But at the rate things are going, one might be necessary! I can’t take another Winter of being cold… all the while I’m IN the HOUSE! And it’s been quite chilly in here tonight… I’ve actually got TWO sets of sweats on for bed!!!!! And I’m STILL chilled! Not going through another Winter like last one! – It’s going to be quite the Hell next week… Stuck in Fuklin… ALL WEEK! (and I still need and escape on Thursday!) But, the extra hours will be a delight, and help at least put the wolves at bay. So? – THIS day is a “wrap” (on Thursday night at 21.28.)

Thu.20.Nov: 5.49 And it’s freezing in this room! L. is in the parlour. And I am… here. Not looking forward to this day at the Fuklin PO. – 12.45 and 54/14C – 17.12 SOME-How I got the termperature up to almsot 18°!!!!! Not bad… Not GREAT! But not bad. – Just looked at tomorrow’s pay… 2,35$ PER HOUR LESS! the more hours I put in! PER HOUR! Paying so that those two can sit at home all bloody day and whine! AND GET PAID! I’m “miffed” to say the very least. – B. passed the PO as I was leaving this evening. He’s got plans to plexi the windows shut for the Winter (I’ll suffocate!) AND… Jester has, accoridng to B. run the gambit of his bull-shit. He goes to his shrink on Monday and the shrink is trying to tell him to go to a shelter! Both B&L are rather hoping this will come to pass because, accoring to B. they cant’ take any more of the manic-depressive swings. We shall see. This eve. Jester is cooking and rather … the usual… blah. – AND when I offered to pay them 700 per month (until I get caught up… so it were) B. said pay only 500 so that I have enough for the car! How about that! Me? MONEY ORDERS from now on! Paper-trails… – On that note… Ramen and curds tonight… jelly donuts for bed-time. – Oh… and the day went right along and I was OUT AT 16.30! WOOHOO! May that happen again tomorrow!!! – 20.45 Just up from the last of the day’s smoke… I took Ellie out for a dump and as I left the kitchen, L. was there alone. But when I came back in! Jester is standing at the table with L. and the arguing began. L. just gave Jester until the 4th Dec. to “get on down the road”, but that was after he (L.) asked ME to help him toss Jester! Now, very little would make me happier than to be rid of that idiot once and for all at long last. Sissy-bitch instigator that it is… But… to put somebody… ANYBODY OUT on a cold night like this? And in THIS town where there’s truly NO PLACE TO GO TO! And I’ve no doubt that he’d take the dog with him and as much as I dislike the little Mexishit, the very thought of that poor little thing suffering in the cold… the very thought HURTS me even now! In fact, more-so than the thought of that sludge hobbling down the 120 alone in the dark. NO! The poor little dog shouldn’t suffer for the stupidity of the … “owner”. And she (Chica) gets so cold just going out to pee, that she collapses onto her own little body because her feet freeze and her legs give. No! I couldn’t live with my own heart thinking of her being out there in the cold and dark and wind. But then, Ms.Thang turns round and spouts “I’ll go right to the Social Security and Welfare and tell them everything! That I’m paying all your bills and food. And my sister will vouch for it!” And “I’ve been here for a year and I’ll call the police and they’ll just put me right back in here.” (It hears what it wants to hear…but I’ve no doubt I’ll be pulled into this shit fiasco before the night is done and then? Make arrangements to protect the dog but that shit WILL be hobbling down the 120… I mean, shit, they could dump him purely on Psych reasons alone… the suicidal threats. Tough shit tootsie… you lost a potential ally… now you’ve got a sworn enemy. You’re only here because, even as I just said to B. when he came to the room to ask what’s going on… I just don’t have it in me to toss anybody out into the cold… it’s too close to me… too close to the guys in The Shelter.) Anyhoo… it’s not my business… and even B. said that to me. Just so long as I’m not dragged into it. Especially on a night when I have to be at work in the morning and I’ve got errands to run on my break… (in a car… how novel). – I still am rather amazed at having offered 2 payments per month of 350 and B. telling me that 500 per month would be fine. AND… he pointed out that they don’t feel that I owe them “all that much” because of all the work that got done round the house. (Ah… but we shall see where THAT goes when the “sister an brother-in-law arrive”. I’ve no doubts about that either… it will not fare “well”.) – And so, it is the ending of the day… And work went right along. I’m running low on postage and will have to learn to use the metre, and once that begins, there goes their revenue… I’ll be using it for all sorts of things. The PO Box rent is paid for another 6 months, so I have a mailing address. (I still want to rent one in Sheldon just to bring that revenue up a bit.) The paper-work for tomorrow is up to date and the reports will get done… with the information that I have… and what’s missing? Tough shit. Not my concern. Not “my” office. 2 weeks from tomorrow we shall see where all of the shit falls… and I fear THAT the most! But there’s little-to-nothing that I can do about it now. I’ve followed the Postal regs and done my best. That’s all I can say. – MY LEGS ARE SO DRY THEY ITCH! – A note: I had the door open for quite the while this evening and this room is actually comfortable tonight! The one thermo actually registred 68F!!! A-frigin-mazing! – 21.04 and I hear the Jester is back up on the floor. I can’t make out what’s being said, but… that shit has no respect for anybody. There are TWO of us here who have jobs to go to in the morning and that moron has to start shit at this hour of the night. But… Karma… One doesn’t toss somebody out into the dark and cold… especially not up here where the nearest “aid” is some 20 miles away… and I happen to know that too well… having biked … AND WALKED!!! into St.Allbeans. And I know the roads… Jester doesn’t. That would be cruelty beyond! And I’ll have no part of it. All I can do is to hope that it all dies off, that each party goes to their respective corner and that the psychotics don’t boil up over night. – (I still have to fill in on yesterday’s notes here!) – Finished yesterday’s entry and have decided to have a peppermint tea and cookies before heading to bed. – Jester is quiet at last. May the peace remain through the night.

Fri.21.Nov: The 60th wedding anniversary… Both are dead. – The house is quiet. L’s car is gone. Somebody is watching TV in the parlour. I’m rather warm this morning some-how. I believe Jester is asleep across the hall and … I have errands and such and work to do. And all I want to do is go back to sleep this morning. Oh well. – Laissez les bon temps roulez. I suppose. – 20.17 In bed… having an egg-nog with a bit of vodka. Fuck this shit… really. – As for this day? Well… the absolute DELIGHT was working with SUE! Honestly, the entire office IS brighter and nicer with her there. And we laughed this morning and this evening! LAUGHED! – THE DMV CHEQUE ARRIVED TODAY! A whopping 33$ more than I could have had today. But I’m not complaining. That’s GAS MONEY! and that makes me a bit happier. And the car is running, which makes me quite happy. So… I was rather happy for most of the day. – Got out AT 11.30 and came to the house, got into the car and headed to the CU where I got my cash AND bought 152CAD! for 140US. Not too bad, that. SMOKES… by the carton again this trip! And, it being so close to the end of the month… I don’t have to think about duty and such! OK for that! – Then, a trip to Walmarde where today, I got 2 flower pots, 50 tea lights and some votive glasses to hold the pots up for the “heater”. I got a coffee mug for work so I can heat coffee in the micro during the day. (Now… to get back to Sheldon where I belong! Damnit!) – En route back to work in Fuklin, I stopped at the market at the Creek for a grinder and a bag of crullers (as they call them) and 2 bottles of egg-nog (one of which, I had at work today). EATING and CALORIES! Not bad… – Back at the office, I got a 350$ money order for the house. I’m looking at it as December’s rent. The rest? We shall see. And as for the money order? I have receipts. Fuck all of this nonsense. – The afternoon was one pain in the arse after another. Cindy calling every moment with more shit. Rachel TOOK my fucking time card last night after I’d left the office and Cindy bitched that it wasn’t complete. I told her that I’d kept the card with me and that Rachel had taken it so there was no way I cold complete it! Fucking bitches, these morons. THEN she tells me that I’m supposed to e-mail my hours every week! WELL! Fuckoff you! THEN she tells me that, because I fill in my time card, that I don’t have to e-mail my hours ever week. Now I have to figure a way to get a time-sheet spread-sheet to access where-ever I happen to be. These women should NOT be in their positions in this corporation! (Ah… let’s see what happens next month and whether or not I want to blow a few whistles. This shit needs to stop… NOW!) Of course, there was nothing said about the fact that all of my reports were done for the week. I could have let those go, but didn’t. So? I’ve proven I can handle an office. – Ah, but then I ran out of stamps! People were coming in buying 100 at a clip! I had to phone to get Rachel to issue me more… imagine that! They won’t let me do it. (I’ve plans for that little issue though.) – At about 15.45 Bobo comes over to the office… to tell that her ladyshit had FALLEN today… and laid on the floor for almost TWO hours! until Bobo came back!!! FUCK! So much for having somebody around the house. And… Bobo wouldn’t have known, had he not tried to phone! Imagine THAT! But… none of my business. Lay there… 2 hours, 2 days… same shit to me. – Then Bobo tells me that “they” had another “talk” with Jester and the bottom line is: No discussing issues between the 2 of us… issues are to be discussed with them! Fine by me! As I told him: I tried to calm the fagtard and had it all kicked into my face. There’s no more chatting… ever! AND I took the opportunity to point out that the mood swings aren’t good for L.s health… B. agreed. – Then he tells me that he’d brought 2 sheets of plexi to seal the windows in the room. What they won’t do to avoid actually heating this room! But… I’ll see how the “tea-light” heater works out. (Thus far… I’m still not certain of anything otther than the fact that the pots heat quite warm! And it’s been almost 2 hours… we shall see… ) – SO… I was almost ready to get out of the office when… Computer freeze! I rang for Cindy, Rachel answered. I told her of the trouble… she told me it happens to her every evening. They’re stupid! It’s not the internet connections in that office… it’s the shit computer! Anyway… in spite of the lecture about not being in the office early and leaving late and not being on the time card and not getting paid for over-time and all the rest of the shit… I was out by about 16.50, got in the car and came to the house to… – Bobo put the plexi on the North and NorthEast windows! They are sealed(ish). One window remains… and that’s fine by me! Let’s see what happens when the REAL cold comes along. But for now… fine. – he made a mess and left it. I Hoovered rather very well this evening. The room needed it anyway and so it’s done… for the week-end! YAY! – And so… I set the pots up and lit everything… 5 tea lights.. at 18.45. It took about an hour before the outer pot warmed, but shortly there-after, it was quite hot… at the top. By about 20.00 the pots were nice and hot. Whether or not enough heat will radiate is to be seen. But at 20.43 (presently), the temperature is still above 60F. It won’t do me any good over-night. But at least I’ll have SOME warmth in here instead of NONE… These two are losers, plain and simple. – Meanwhile, L. sounds groggy… I wonder exactly what set him to fall. I DO wonder… but it’s none of my business. – Bobo says he showed my money order to Jester just to prove that I’m paying again… as if that’s any of the little fagshit’s business. But fuck the lot of them… I’m starting to save to get the actual fuck OUT and AWAY from here and this village of misery and cow-shit. – Calc’ed the gas mileage on the car this evening because I’m down ,25 tank at 75 miles:
60litre = 15,8gals(US) (FULL TANK)
60litre yields 300mi(483km)
18,98miles/gallon
5miles/litre
8.04km/litre
3,78litres = 1gal(us)
Not too bad… not too bad at all. It’ll be better then the car gets the once over at a mechanic… now I have to find a Subaru mechanic. But, time… I hope I have enough of that! – Well… 20.49 and I’m getting tired. Bobo’s in bed… and of course, Jester is too. Probably for the best… keep the psycho-fag away from the others in the house. L. is on the sofa in the parlour. And my skin is so dry that my fingers are cracking and I itch! Tomorrow I’ll get my smokes and some lotions, no doubt. – But for tonight… it’s time to try for a nap! – OH! E-mail from Viv today. Short, sweet and such. But my heart is out of this now. It’s nice… But I do believe that it’s for the best that way. – Time to check the socmed and to sleep! THIS DAY IS FINISHED!

Sat.22.Nov: 5.47 and awake… fuck. – (on Sunday morning) Well! This day at the shit-hole was quite the delight! SUE! I got to work with Sue! The volume was rather heavy, especially in the parcels, but between the two of us, we got it done by about the usual time. We had our laughs, we had our jokes and we had our morning and all the mail got to where it should be. BUT….
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IN WITH THE MAIL FOR ALL OTHERS WAS A PIECE FOR ME… ONE REGULAR “PENALTY” AND ONE “PENALTY”… CERTIFIED!!! FROM THE BITCH IN HIGHGATE! SCHEDULED FOR A “PRE-DISCIPLINE INTERVIEW” ON MONDAY… MONDAY!!!!! AT 11.30! ON MY PERSONAL TIME! WITH REAGARD TO MY “CONDUCT” ON THE 20TH! THURSDAY? WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO ON THURSDAY? THE ONLY THING I CAN THINK OF IS THE TIME CARD INCIDENT. BUT I DIDN’T DO OR SAY ANYTHING OUT OF LINE. I DIDN’T DO OR SAY ANYTHING AT ALL! SHE INSISTED THAT I HAD TO E-MAIL MY HOURS. I TOLD HER I’D NEVER DONE THAT. SHE WAS BENT BECAUSE THE TIME CARD WASN’T COMPLETE. I TOLD HER THAT I’D KEPT IT IN THE OFFICE BUT THAT IT WASN’T HERE WHEN I GOT IN. SHE’S TRYING TO FIND SOME CAUSE TO SACK ME AT THIS JUNCTURE! THIS IS NOTHING BUT DISCRIMINATION AND I INTEND TO PURSUE IT ON THAT CHARGE AGAINST HER… AND HER CRONIES. BUT THE LETTER SAYS THAT I’M ENTITLED TO UNION REPRESENTATION! I’M NOT INTHE UNION AND RECEIVING A NOTICE LIKE THIS ON A SATURDAY DOESN’T GIVE ME TIME TO CONTACT THE UNION. AH… THIS IS ALL SO BLATANTLY OBVIOUS… TRANSPARENT AS ALL GET OUT. WELL? I WENT TO THE PMG BEFORE… I’LL GO BACK TO THE PMG AGAIN… AND THIS TIME? ANY PLACE ABOVE AND BEYOND THAT. (ODDLY… THESE DAYS, THE PMG IS THE FIRST WOMAN IN THE HISTORY OF THE P.O. ANOTHER PARANOID BITCH TO DEAL WITH! HOW CHARMING! I’M GOING TO START LOOKING FOR WORK BACK IN NY. THIS SHIT NEEDS TO STOP! PLATTSBURGH OR CHAMPLAIN.. CHAZY… SOMEPLACE IN NY. MAYBE THIS IS THE OMEN… GO BACK TO THE “HOME” STATE AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF THIS HOLE! – I SENT AN E-MAIL TO LOSITO THIS EVENING, GIVING HIM MY PHONE NUMBER. THAT’S THE BEST I CAN DO. WHEN I LOOKED-UP THE “PRE-DISCIPLINE INTERVIEW”, ALL THE INFORMATION STATES THAT I AM ENTITLED TO UNION REP. AND THAT I’M ALSO WITH-IN MY RIGHTS TO REFUSE TO SPEAK WITH-OUT THE UNION REP PRESENT. I’M TAKING THAT VENUE ON MONDAY… NO UNION? NO MEETING. PERIOD. AND NOW I’M SICK OF ALL OF THIS SHIT! FUCKING KUNTS! I DO MY BEST, FOLLOW THE RULES, HAVE TO SWITCH-HIT BECAUSE OF THEIR BULL-SHIT FROM ONE MOMENT TO THE NEXT. TIME TO BLOW THE LID ON THIS SHIT… EVERYTHING FROM THE BIAS TO THE CONDITIONS OF THE OFFICES TO THE PREFERENTIAL TREATMENT FROM OFFICE-TO-OFFICE. AND THAT TOO WILL GO OUT OF THE DISTRICT… MAINE! OFF TO MAINE THIS SHIT GOES! I’VE BUSTED MY ARSE FORTHIS JOB! FUCK THEM! – I’M SUPPOSING IT WAS THE STRESS OFTHIS SHIT THAT DID IT, BUT AS I TRIED TO GET REPORTS AND SUCH DONE THIS MORNING… SINCE I NEVER GOT THE MAIL BROKEN-DOWN AND SORTED UNTIL ALMOST 10.00 BETWEEN TRYING TO GET TO IT AND HANDING MAIL OUT TO THE FUCKTARDS WITH-OUT KEYS AND SUCH… AS I TRIED TO CLOSE A DESK DRAWER… ZING!!!! SCIATICA! MY BACK WENT OUT! FIRST TIME IN THE LONGEST! IMAGINE? ALL THAT BIKING IN THE RAIN AND SUCH… NO TROUBLE. BUT NOW? YEAH.. THIS TOO SHALL BE PUT INTO THE RECORDS…
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Meanwhile, back at “The Home”… I walk in to find Jester alone in the house. THIS does NOT make me at all comfortable. I do NOT want to be in this house alone with the likes of that psycho! I truly NEED to get the fuck out of this place… SOON AND RAPIDLY! It was just sitting in the parlour, with it’s Mexishit, in the dark, no TV or such. Me? I came directly up to the room… to nap. I’m exhausted… I got out of the shit-hole at 11.30… SHARP! (I believe I forgot to put the red tub into the ante-room though… but hopefully Sue will do that. I’m not planning on it. But I don’t care… Not in the hole before 7.30 and not after 11.30…) Anyway… I came into the room and put the “heater” on… as it were. It was chilly in the room at all of about 15°. But at least I now have the opportunity to add a bit of warmth. I took a quick stopover to the store to get some tonic, my legs are a mess! My back is out, my legs are spasming. Melt-down! So, a bottle of tonic and a box of chocolate donuts and that was that. The rest of the day and into the evening… LOCK-DOWN! Staying clear of the psychotic jackass. – Took a nap at 13.00 until the other two came back to the house. Oh, and I pulled the last storm window down to keep some more heat in the room. – I FINALLY got my nails filed/cut! They rather demanded the attention! But the thing that’s bothering me is foot odour! My feet have NEVER been so bad in all my life-time! Just awful! Horrid! I need a hair-beard trim too but the clippers aren’t working well and it’s just too cold in this room to do that. So what, really? Who the fuck gives a shit how I look here, in this fucking shit-hell-hole town? And with the added stress of the bull-shit at work? Nah… je m’en câlisse PANTOUTE! – 19.04 and at LONG last… the little clock-thermo reads… 64F! The flower pots are actually warming this room! Not terribly comfortable, but a FAR cry from the 50’s! Hey! Now, all I have to do is figure out how to maintain some warmth in here! (Aside from the v-ton I’ve just poured for me.) Not too bad. At least it’s SOME warmth. It’s taken almost the entire day to get it up this warm. But even as Bobo said: The room started out cold. So? So… instead of starting out with some warmth and building from there, this little “heater” had to warm the cold too! – Watching a couple more episodes of Northern Exposure. My back is still “out”. Still no word from Losito… I sent and e-mail earlier today. But then again, I don’t expect to hear anything anyway. On Monday, I’ll insist upon Union representation and toss this thing for a while. I’m fed up with the nepotism in this town. – 23.46 and… OK. Before going to sleep in a comfy warm room, I have to record this:
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At 11.52 the temperature in the room was 12°. I started 5 tea lights in the “heater”.
At 16.51 new tea lights at 14°
At 17.54 the temperature is 17°
At 19.05 the temperature is 18°
21.53 5 new tea lights and 18°
And now, at 23.49 the temperature is 17° but feels warmer and I changed the configuration a bit to include the one tea light from the previous set that hasn’t burnt out completely yet… so for a short while there will be 6 lights. The pots truly do get hot. And I see that I’ve had them set wrong: instead of closing-off the opening to the larger pot on top, I should have closed the opening on the inner pot. Opening the outer pot really lets the heat out into the room! THIS should change things quite a bit, I should think. Ah… but the temperatures out-side will be rising tonight and through to Monday… (Monday… when I wanted to work on the car on my “break”… FUCKING KUNT!) so I won’t know how truly well (or not) this thing will work. Still, it gives me time… I still want to see about a little oil lampe instead of the tea lights… something that will burn through the night. But… all told… I’m not frozen! and quite rather comfy.
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Still pissed about the PO. I have a car now! I need the income more than ever. I’ve only paid one month’s rent! This is a blatant fuck. No word from Losito. I’m pissed. But time to sleep for a while. Let’s hope the candles last for a few hours’ sleep time. Later… more candles and a trip Home for smokes… with CAD$! I hope. – It snowed and a bit of sleet but the roads are thawed. Let’s hope. – 2 v-tons tonight. Lovely. – 2 Naprosyns for the sciatica. It’s better. – Sleep. I hope. –

Sun.23.Nov:
HOME
7.52 I woke at about 5.00 this morning,which would have been the time to put more candles into the heater, but it wasn’t all that cold in the room and so I dozed… until about 7.00. 5 more candles in the heater and coffee and smoke are done. B. is awake. He was out in the yard with the dogs when I went down for my smoke. – It’s misty out there this morning. Yesterday’s snow is gone and it’s wet… but certainly not “cold”. But the heater is on… just in case. – I woke with a churning gut and just feeling rather shitty. Was it the v-ton of last night or anxiety? I can’t be certain one way or the other. All I keep thinking is: I have the expense of the car and there’s more rent to be paid and this bitch is going to try her best to sack me at this point. Oh well… time to start looking for another job? But where… in retail… in St.Allbeans? There’s really nothing else up this way… unless I can get a job in Bedford or Cowansville. This is the shit… this is VT. – Thinking of trying a trip to Cowansville this morning, Canadian Tire. More pots, more tea lights or an oil lampe. I have to check the distance and the time… and the gas, and see. – 8.39 Got yesterday’s events down and all the while, B. is down in the “walk-in” (or, as they call it, the “dining room”). he’s sealing the windows down there with the plexi. He’d wanted to close off the one window in this room too, last evening, but thankfully, I stopped that before it happened. I mean… I want at least ONE window that I can simply open… in the event we get a freak “warm” day and the fresh air would be a delight (especially since my body is starting to give off that “old” and funky nasty odour). – Well… Metro opens at 10.00 and the weather seem to be holding at rain. I should be over-joyed at the prospect of going HOME today. I worry about the car though. Still… at least I’m not thinking in terms of rain-gear and plastic bags and rubber bands, road dust and cow shit in the face. Hey! Life is byoodeefool. (This lap-top is a grand piece of shit!) – 19.46 Well… I left at about 11.30, after helping Bobo bring ANOTHER FREEZER up from the basement, round the front of the house and into the “dining room”… and I headed to Ace Hardware in St.Allbeans to get… TWO EXTRA CAR KEYS! YAY! I tried to open the trunk this morning and it didn’t open but the key bent ever so slightly. (I did, however, get to look under the front hood at the engine… and I must say, it doesn’t look as bad as I’d anticipated. The alternator is going to need replacing soon, but other than that… I’ll have to figure the fuses for the windshield washer and such. But I hope to do that tomorrow… I HOPE!) Bobo managed to open the trunk through the back seat though (and I’m rather glad he did… because yes, they asked to see the trunk at the border this evening… More on that in a bit.) Well then, having the new keys, I decided to head to Bedford for my smokes… made a wrong turn and ended up coming back through Highgate and Franklin! Fuck me! (Oh… put Mobil into the tank to fill it… 19,00$ for about ,25 tank. Not GREAT! but not too bad.) BUT… I got to St-Armand… At the border, M. Ménard, a fmailiar face in a spot that no more resembles the quaint little border crossing than I can describe. The trailer is moved back behind where the building used to be, and it looks rather strange. But M.Ménard seemed to recognise me and I was off and on my way with many smiles as is rather usual there. AND…Yes, I got to Bedford, to Metro where they didn’t have my smokes… so, today, I was in a position where I didn’t have to “settle” for what they had. I thanked the young lady and left the store… and headed for… COWANSVILLE! in search of the now-elusive tea lights and oil lampe! I just followed the signs and drove along, listening more to the engine than much else. But when I got to Cowansville, I made what I thought was a wrong turn but turned out to be rather great! And, right beside Canadian Tire is a Walmarde! – Canadian Tire is a major disappointment. They have lovely terracotta pots and I almost bought one, nicely rather decorative. But as for the rest of their merchandise? FUCKING CHINA! Same shit there as in the US and at a slightly higher price! No wonder THEY come HERE to shop for the same shit. It’s disgusting! Truly! – So, a bit rather pissed, I went directly to Walmarde where I managed to find a little “glow stick”, battery operated, to illuminate the dash whilst I procrastinate about the fuses, toothpaste (which i will need soon), hand cream (made in Montreal, imagine that… Aveeno, of all things) and that just about covered it. I headed back South because it was getting a bit on the dark side (being over-cast all day anyway… and damp… and humid). The signs back, leading to Bedford, were a welcome sight. I wasn’t too thrilled about being in Cowansville for some reason. It seems my sense of “adventure” is gone. Anyway, when I got back to Bedford, I headed for the gas station/dép up the road from the village and there… 96,71$… my smokes! I actually could have gotten them and returned. But what the hell? I finally got to see Dunham (nothing much there at all) and Cowansville (nice Super C, Tim Hortons and a bit of other places that I might return to one of these days… but am in no particular rush to do so). – With smokes in the bag, I headed South again BUT… when I reached the Dalpé/St-Armand… I headed East… toward Freilighsburgh and from there, to Abercorn and UP OVER le PINACLE! What a shame it was too dark to enjoy the view! But driving up there wasn’t even nearly as bad as the one time I biked (walked?) up it! And in almost no time, I was on the descent and into… RICHFORD!!! – Costumes was rather “official” and wanted to see in the trunk. Ah… HE had to pull the back seat down to look! He even told me to stay in the car! Imagine? But he was polite and quick and I was soon on my way… in the pitch dark… into … RICHFORD! I stopped at Mayhew’s to see new faces. I asked after Brenda. I’d just missed her! She’ll be back on Thursday though so maybe I’ll run over to see her then. I got a Starbucks coffee, a cheese pastry and a potato salad (which I ate when I got back to the house). Left Mayhew’s, drove past the house on Church… It was dark, empty, sad. I don’t think Hillary lives there any longer. It was almost heart-breaking to see it so dark… and alone. I drove down Town St. and went to Dollar General where THEY didn’t have the oil lampe! But I did get a small package of tea lights and a “pizza pan” to put under the “heater” and a new “lead” for Dixie-roo. So that wasn’t too bad. – Left there feeling a bit odd… the town was completely empty! Calm and quiet. But I still miss being there. – The drive into Enosburgh was dark and it was rather strange, driving and not biking. – Stopped in Hannaford’s for Ramen, bread and PopTarts… and NO oil lampe! Dropped into Family Dollar where… again… NO oil lampe AND no tea lights! This is almost incredible! – Well… by this time it was pitch dark and I was pitch-exhausted so I headed back via the W.Berkshire rd… and almost didn’t know where I was because they’ve paved it! That, and the time/distance ratio is all off in my head because I’m not biking. But… in no time I was back in … FUKlin… and the town was completely shut down for the night. Fucking pit! – Brief chit-chat with the “residents” in the house. – Dixie is rather lethargic of late and I’m worried about her. – When I got to the parlour, Mexishit yipped and her ladyshit glared… but said nothing. Oh wel. I chitted, chatted and came up to the room to put the “heater” up… the fucking tea lights are going out! BUT… with the “pizza pan” the thing doesn’t extend out so much and is much more compact and nicer. Now, to get the fucking tea lights to stay lit! – I had the potato salad. Will soon have a tea and go to bed. I don’t even have the energy, nor the drive to shower tonight. – No word from the Postal Union about tomorrow. So… there we have it. If she sacks me, I’ll be going directly to Maine, Williston/Essex and D.C. with the way things are being run and the discrimination. AND to the EEOC to file discrimination charges. I’m fed right the fuck up with this bullshit! – And so, there we have the day! Tah… fucking… dah. – HOME!

Mon.24.Nov: 5.56 And… I woke before the alarm. Didn’t eat enough yesterday and am feeling it this morning. Total intake for the day was… 2 coffees in the morning, the coffee, pasty, potato salad and 2 PopTarts when I got back to the house. And this morning? I’m wondering if I’m supposed to be at work or not. This being a “pre-discipline” meeting and all. But, I’ll go, be there. Get the work done if possible and carry on with the day. I’m warm this morning too… feverisih. Nutrition? Anxiety? Both? All? None? Can not care. – 11.56 ALL of the box mail was up by 11.25. At about 11.35, Shedrick and Gregoire arrived. I told Shedrick that I tried to get in touch with Losito but have heard nothing. “Do you want the union present?” Shedrick asked. “Yes.” I replied. We agreed to make another appointment for another date in future. I left that date open for the 2 of them. They both agreed that it would have to be some time next week but, when I said “You know where to find me.” Shedrick said “I do right now but I don’t know about next week. I don’t have the schedule, but I know Rachel will be here.” and they left. – I got to the house, the back door was locked. I don’t have my key, money, ID… nothing. Fortunately the front door was unlocked. I came in and nobody is down-stairs. The loo door is closed, light on, but nobody to be seen in the house. Hmmm….
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17.17 I GET OUT OF THE OFFICE AT 16.30… (the EDO report shows no scans for anything on the route today.. but I just printed it out and left AT 16.30!) COME ROUND THE CORNER TO SEE THAT HER LAYDSHIT EITHER DID HIT THE CAR OR JUST BARELY MISSED HITTING THE CAR!!!!! IMAGINE THAT! AS I COME INTO THE HOUSE I HEAR THE BITCH ON THE PHONE TO THE OTHER ONE: “WHEN YOU GET HERE YOU’LL HAVE TO DRIVE MY CAR BECAUSE I PARKED IT ON THE SIDE-WALK. I COULDN’T TURN AROUND ENOUGH TO SEE…” FUCK YOU! I JUST MOVED IT BACK A BIT FARTHER, CLOSER TO THE STORE. NO DOUBT, THERE’S GOING TO BE FLACK ABOUT THAT. NOW I HAVE TO FIND A PLACE TO PARK IT… FAR, FAR AWAY FROM THIS DUMP! AND… NO DOUBT, I’LL HAVE TO PAY RENT FOR PARKING NOW! OH… TIME, TIME TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF THIS DUMP!!! FAR, FAR AWAY FROM THIS DUMP!!!
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Meanwhile, at the bloody-fucking office, the “interview” is now scheduled for the 1 Dec. Another MONDAY! AND, all during the day, *I* was expected to trouble-shoot the fucking scanner for the fucking Carrier-cunt! AND.. find contact info for the Union for me for the next meeting AND the Highgate cunt is now threatening that the “interview” will take place on the 1st no matter what! OH! THIS is getting entirely too deep. But… all the while, I remain silent about it … ALL OF IT! I SO NEED to get the actual fuck out of this place!!! NOW! – “Meal” today was 2 rolls with peanut-butter, washed down with the left-over tonic. I just might have a drink in a little while and try to go to sleep. – The fucking Walmarde tea lights won’t stay lit for the heater. It’s actually HOT out this evening, but cold in this shit-hole. I’ve already wasted 5 tea lights and the current 5 are extinguishing themselves as well. I’m saving them in the bag they came in and will send them back to Walmarde with a nasty note. I don’t give a shit whether or not I get my money back at this point… I just want them to go back! – 21.47 Finally got a bath to stay lit! But its 12° out there… TWELVE! At this hour of the night! Earlier, it POURED with rain so hard that it sounded as if it would come through the porch roof! Amazing sort of weather, this. – Well, there was NO mention of the car this evening, but when I went out for a smoke, L. was sitting at table in the kitchen, barely eating “canned chili” from a bowl. He does NOT NOT look at ALL well! There’s truly something terribly “WRONG”. And there’s a part of me that feels a bit sorry… But he probably shouldn’t be allowed to be driving about… in fact, now might be a time to start worrying about him getting behind the wheel of a car at all. Oh well… they WANTED that car! Now they have it… and they don’t have me to play Nanny. But I hope nothing happens to him out there. – Sent a couple of images to Viv. Tomorrow’s her birthday. I just might ring her in the evening. But I don’t have the house number, imagine that. I’ll see what comes. – FOUND LOSITO’S phone numbers on my phone! Must ring tomorrow. Fuck! They want me to pay dues? I need the hours… and the job! Let’s see what they “do” for “dues”. I’m not expecting anything at all. But… – My fingers are sore from cracking already. Winter is coming. – I feel like shit tonight… I could have used a shower. I looked at places back in NY… Plattsburgh and such. Not teribly expensive but anything is out of my league at present. Especially with the job… – I have to copy the e-mail Cuntface sent about my coming separation. She’s trying to make it on the 7th so that I don’t miss a Saturday! Fuckall… Best give me the week-days in Sheldon back! Fucktardbitch. – On that note… 21.55, last smoke and to bed. – The heater’s glowing. I need an oil lampe for that thing. But the glow is lovely. –

Tue.25.Nov: 6.10 and10 minutes until I go back down to put the wash into the dryer. And of course, this morning, there was wash in the washer… But I tossed it into the dryer and that should warm that up so that my jeans and socks MIGHT dry faster… I can only hope. – HAPPY B’DAY VIV! – It’s actually HOT in this room this morning! I can’t believe it. Ever so hot. I wonder. – Anyway, I should be getting me together instead of sitting here on this thing, but… me… delays, delays. The wind is blowing against the North window this morning… Something is rattling. Oh well, oh well, indeed. But, it’s a day at the orifice and, most likely, a day of somebody bitching about something I didn’t do yesterday. Don’t care. Won’t care. Just go… on with the day. – 19.28 In bed. A coke and vodka down. It was one of “Those” days… BITCH-FEST at the orifice! But next week… BACK TO SHELDON! Fewer hours but a joy to go to work. – More on the Bitches of Franklin County later but for now… I have an oil lampe burning in the heater! AND a cork for the lock-port on the car. I had LUNCH from the MARKET at the Creek! Spoke with Lisa. Got Stayan’s stamps (and I fore-see being screwed about those as well). And… I’m exhausted… Gena had to toss a nasty in before leaving the office this evening. Fucking twat. I told her out-right: this town is a bunch of miserable people. I expect that to make the circuit… quickly. And I hope that it does. (Meanwhile, I’ll be working on the “tourism” part. There are people at the lake who will know about this town.. and I shall tell them how they’re being ripped off. That’s my starts.) – Other-wise… it’s 70F in this room right now. I have the heater going just to see how well the oil lamp works. But it’s almost HOT in here right now. – The “group” is convened in the parlour, I choose to remain in the room. And now? To the Skype to see if Mme. V. is on. It’s her birthday today. – She’s on… I think. She was connected. We shall see… – Meanwhile, the complaints came in today! 73 registered with Consumer Affairs (Rachel and I took care of that). There’s an issue with a package that was simply dropped at the Creek by somebody who never explained that it was “Express” and I put it into the system… causing a 20day delay. Sadaro LIED out-right, registering a complaint that included that she “pleaded” with me to go through the parcels but I wouldn’t even look at her. Fucking liars! – 19.50 and these faggots are getting the fucking dogs all worked-up… BARKING and shit! And that pansy-ass across the hall with her whiney-assed voice! Oh! PLEASE let all of this Postal shit settle well… and that I can go back to the state of NY! – Stayed up a bit later than I wanted to this evening. It’s getting to be too late. But, it’s a simple case of… KADIMA! Just close the eyes, take a breath and let the world fall where it may.

Wed.26.Nov:
SHELDON CREEK!!!
6.10 Miserable. Just a miserable morning. Not feeling well. Perhaps it was the 2 drinks last night. Perhaps it’s because of having to go into that office this morning. Perhaps it’s this town. Perhaps… It’s at the point of feeling physically drained and sick. Just sick. And perhaps it’s because of what’s coming… with the “family” and tomorrow. I don’t even want to think about it. I don’t want to think at all. I just want to be out of here and away. – Trying the oil lampe again this morning. The electrics I got at Aubochon yesterday are worthless here. The plugs are all grounded and the outlets are not. Another trip into St.Allbeans today. Shit. The oil lampe seems to burn too heavily for the pots so it extinguishes itself. The lampe is too large for the pots, I believe. – Oh well. Just another day in… the Shitpit, as it were. “Shitpit VT 05457. I need to get out of this. – 20.44 I am in bed, the oil lampe is buring quite well under the pots. It’s still only 17° in here, but I didn’t start the heat until only about 20 minutes ago. May it do the job and through the night because… IT’S SNOWING!!!!! Steadily and covering the car… IT’S SNOWING!!! And I have the day off tomorrow… and must enjoy it because… as of Monday I will be working… SIX DAYS EACH WEEK UNTIL… THE DURATION AS FAR AS WE KNOW. BUT… I STILL HAVE A JOB!!! And it was QUITE the interesting and WONDERFUL day today! – Opened the office at 7.30… alone for a few minutes until.. SUE! SUE came in! And the volume was light and we had our usual wonderful morning! The phone kept ringing. The fuck-ass dyke Linda Barnum-Gates-What-the-fuck came in only moments after I opened the fucking office. She wanted a fucking box and… lo! There it was! So I gave it to her. It was phone bills. StinkDeykeBitch. Oh well… and YES! They DID bring them ALL back this morning! So there’s to be a shit-load of shit on Friday. But… I don’t fucking give a shit! – Sue and I got the mail together. I just resolved to throw the fucking day to what-ever and took it quite easy. – 11.30 came and I had a bit of “cleaning” to get done, parcels to bag and such and so I did and then left… – St.Allbeans to Aubochon to exchange the power-strip and such. 1,93$ more and I have an 8ft power strip (which is functioning even as I type this… not perfect, but it will do… I hope. This house is more a pain in the arse than much else… between the fucking cold and the old wiring. But soon… I hope… soon.) – Then, to the Mobil… I was just below the ,75 mark on the tank. 20$ brought it back up to “F” so I’m happy about that. I don’t want the tank below that mark… not over-night in the cold, and certainly not during the work-week. I certainly don’t want humidity in the line! – On to The Creek to chat with Rachel! WOW! Rachel! How the PO is screwing her! We talked about all the shit Cindy tosses on her and how she’s still being paid considerably less than I am. There was nothing definite mentioned this afternoon about our futures, but as of 12.30, when I talked with her, she didn’t know if SHE was going to have a job at all and if yes, where. Nor did I, for that matter. And when I told her about the PDI she confirmed it was because of me going in early… SO I DON’T HAVE TO WORRY SO MUCH ABOUT MONDAY! – OH…. GOT AN E-MAIL FROM LOSITO OF THE UNION… HE’S ON HOLIDAYS… IN FUCKING FLORIDA! THERE YOU HAVE IT: ULELESS UNIONS… THEY STILL TAKE THE DUES AND DO SHIT-FUCK-ALL. HE DIDN’T VEN RECOMMEND OR SUGGEST ANYBODY ELSE! FUCK ME! FUCK THEM! WHEN NEXT THEY ASK ME TO JOIN? I’LL BE SURE TO TELL THEM ABOUT THIS… – Anyway… It was good talking with Rachel and on the way back to the Fukhole I couldn’t help but think of how I some-how “knew” about the PDI and how, there it was: I didn’t ask… but the necessary information came to me. I often wonder how this can be… and I often wonder if there isn’t some-THING, some-BODY, some sort of some kind of thing telling me things… doing things… but only when I NEED… I wonder. I can’t help BUT wonder. – Back at the office, the phone calls, the situations. Deanne came in. We talked quite wonderfully today and she said she’d miss me if I were to leave. I’ll miss her too. There are very VERY few in this Fukhole town whom I can say that about. But truthfully, the rest of them? Not only “not so much”… “NOT AT ALL”. Good luck to you all! Morons. – The day went by and at about 16.00 the phone… Cindy… “YOU’RE SCHEDULED TO BE IN FRANKLIN FRIDAY AND SATURDAY AND THEN SHELDON… BUT FROM NOW ON, YOU’LL BE IN SHELDON 6 DAYS A WEEK.” I GOT THE SHELDON OFFICE! AND I HEAR THAT RACHEL GOT THE SPRINGS! AND I HEAR THAT POOR LISA HAS BEEN SHOVED INTO FUKLIN! I AM SO HAPPY TO KNOW THAT I HSAVE SHELDON! I AM SO HAPPY TO KNOW THAT RACHEL GOT THE SPRINGS! I AM SO SORRY FOR LISA BEING SHOVED INTO THIS SHIT-HOLE… SHE DIDN’T WANT IT AND I KNOW THIS SHIT-PIT WON’T LIKE HER. And now I have the “happy-sad” emotions happening. But as for ME? I couldn’t be any happier! HEY KATHY! I HAVE MY OWN OFFICE… JUST AS YOU SAID I SHOULD! (I wish I could contact her and tell her… maybe I might try.. if I can find her phone number… it was on the old phone I know… the one dearest Nancy helped me lose. More bile just rose in my eye-balls… time to move along here…) – SO! I told Sue the news this evening. “I’m going to miss you.” she said. Imagine that! Truth? I’m going to miss working with her too. But, I’ve no choice. OK. So the hours will be only about 25 or so for the week… but there will be PEACE! The folks in Sheldon are appreciative and I appreciate them too. So? If I’m to survive at all, that’s the place to be. Besides. I can still take a part-time some-where else if I can find one (and maybe even find a nice place to work… in NY!) – Well… I worked until almost 17.00 and then headed to Enosburgh… VODKA! Then to Hannaford’s for coffee, creamer, TONIC! THEN TO McDONALDS FOR…. TWO BIG MACS AND SMALL FRIES (FOR OVER 10$ SHIT FUCK AND WHAT-THE-HELL!!!) WHICH I ATE IN THE CAR IN THE PARKING LOT AT HANNAFORD’S! BUT… BEEF! FOOD! COOKED! I CELEBRATED AS I SHOVED THE FOOD INTO MY MOUTH, SITTING IN THE CAR, IN THE PARKING LOT, IN THE SNOW! I ATE… FOOD! – Drove back via Noble Hill (my bike route… hey! it’s the quickest!) in the SNOW! Great challenge for the car… and it made it well! I’ve noticed that my night driving isn’t what it used to be… and having a dark dash doesn’t help. And I do NOT trust ANY of these idiot Vermont drivers… they’re total idiots on open roads. But, it’s something I will have to adjust to… probably won’t, but time will do what it will do. I’m a “NY Driver” with MANY km in Quebec. I’ll be fine, so long as the car holds. (It needs a new alternator already… this much I know. Time… Income… Time.) – And so, came into the house to find the cows all in repose in the parlour. Gave them the news of the assignment. No particular happiness. I told them about Lisa and her following the book. L. said that Liddie Barnhole is going to have a shit-fit. I told him that 4 people do NOT want that office because of the attitudes of the people in this town. He didn’t argue the point. He said they should put Cindy in there for a while and let HER try it! I agree, but that’s not going to happen. My heart breaks for Lisa. She doesn’t want the fucking office and I’m sure this town doesn’t want her… and she hasn’t even begun here. I don’t wish this office on ANYBODY! – So, I sat for a bit, watched a bit of TV with “them” and then came up to the room – I’m still, by the way, not saying anything to Jester… nor am I acknowledging anything the faggot says… whether to me or not. Time and good fortune will take me away from this place… oh please… I beg and plead… let it be so. – And so that brings me to now… 21.36. Have finished my first v-ton and am on my 2nd. I’m exhausted and ready for sleep. Will finish my drink and hope for sleep through the night. The power-strip is in, and things are re-connected. I have some reading to do tomorrow and I’m hoping that the idjits won’t distrub me with some kind of “holiday do”. I do NOT want to be a part of that! I wish the weather was nicer… I’d head HOME. I don’t have much money until NEXT Friday… but still… I’d try for the trip to see Viv anyway, just to get away. But maybe it’s for the best that I don’t. – I was going to see if I couldn’t see her on the Skype tonight, but she has to work tomorrow… I have the day. One of those “border” things. Oh well… – Getting tired. A bit of surfing and browsing and then … I HOPE … to sleep… deep, dead and through the night.

Thu.27.Nov:
19.09 And this fucking holiday is OVER! Me? I woke at 7.00 or there-about, and immediately, the day was fucked. Bobo was awake, thrashing about to get things prepped for the “arrival” of the royal ones. When I wanted to go to take a shit and brush my teeth, he had the loo… then Jester grabbed and commandeered. I understand Bobo in there… I do NOT understand that fagbitch. But, that’s not for me to be concerned about here… that’s to encourage me to get the actual fuck OUT and AWAY! – SO? I got right into the little spread-sheets… for weekly time to send to Rachel, and my own time record for the remainder of 2014 and ALL of 2015! DONE! And only moments ago. – I’m not certain when Penny and Bruce (and their little dog… “Nyack”… they named her after where they got her.. and Bruce, when Bobo dragged them all up to the room to show what he’d done with the windows… as if… came into the room, liked the flower-pot heater and parked on my pyjamas! Fucking slobs, the lot of them! The dogs all came in and ran about as I was trying to get the spread sheets done. Just so much bull-shit! AND… for HOURS… that fucking Mexishit… YIPPING! I was on the verge of simply getting into the car, with the lap-top, and heading over to Richford, just to sit… in QUIET! Instead, by 15.00, I was back in bed! EXHAUSTED! Shortly after I’d crawled into the bed (under the blankets… with clothes on), her ladyshit came up… tap-tapp on the door… inviting to come to dine with. HAH! AS IF! I feigned head-ache and sour stomach, covered my head and, well… I did “nap” for about an hour. Woke at 16.00 and got back to the spread sheets. Stopped down-stairs for a smoke and Ms.P. was cutting her ladyshit’s hair… We chatted… briefly. She’s anti-Obie and Bernie and explained to her brother what the trouble is in this country these days. Earlier, she’d also said that she told Jester that this “It’s OK” bull-shit when the mutt yips is wrong. That’s just a waste of breath. I’ve said it several times… nobody listens… especially not that in-breed fag. But… it was said and the political chat was an eye-opener for me… I’d’ve sworn P. was pro-Obie! Oh well… – And so, that’s how the day… the “holiday” went… Me, in the room, 3 changes of tea-lights to keep fro mfreezing. (It’s 21°at the moment… go figure… but I’m still in sweat-shirt.) – My “holiday” meal? TWO servings of Ramen! WOOHOO! And I’ve finished the PopTarts from the other night. And there’s nothing on the FS card… and cash is quite low… I’m on the 5’s these days. – But, tomorrow? HECTIC! Not only the regular Friday reports and such, I have to figure my travel expenses for the month (it seems I just did that… the month’s passed SO quickly!) And time sheet in. And… figuring my “Home” office and such things. Quite the day ahead coming. But… only tomorrow and Saturday in this shit-pit town and then? FREEDOM! and a new office… where I will be following me every day! I’ll know where things are, where the paper-work stands… It”ll be so much better… Of course, there’s nobody to pick-up where I leave off… but thankfully, the office is small enough… Perfect. – Now? A hot tea and soon to bed… no shower… didn’t have the chance to shit, pee, brush my teeth, trim my beard. Oh well.. I don’t give a fuck.

Fri.28.Nov: 5.24 It was 0.24 this morning and I was rudely awakened by the sound of something tumbling. Grazing… in the “dining room”. Things being moved, thumped, banged. And now, with the larger registre in the floor, the sound comes sailing right up through. Ah… the inconsideration. Alas. Indeed. It took me a while to fall back to sleep. But then, I woke before the 5.00 alarm this morning. Just up from a smoke and the 2 are lounged in the parlour, her ladyshit is sound asleep, and her Bobo beside her, watching the TV. How charming. – Me? I stink! Need a shower. Need a beard trim. Need a hair trim. Looking rather disgusting, me. But… I’ll not concern me with that. My teeth need cleaning as well. But… – How nice to know, today and tomorrow and then no more of this town. The hours will be cut back, but it will be a delight to go to work. I can’t wait to get to the Creek, straighten the office. Put things in “functioning order”. A delight to know, something to look forward to. – It’s snowing, lightly, again this morning. But, at least with Bobo here, I don’t have to worry about the car being in front of the house… although, I probably should, since there will be nasty villagers at the store and THEY will, in all probability, strike the car. I have to leave this place. I need to go somewhere where the people have better sense, and respect for “others”. – I also need to get these 12 pages posted on-line. – 17.52 HAD to work a fucking bloody 30 minutes OVER this evening because Rachel had HER 1412 open and I couldn’t get the Unit to close! AH… and THEN… the phone went out! Imagine that! For the ENTIRE TOWN! AND THERE’S NOBODY IN TOWN TO FIX IT! BECAUSE? BEACUSE KIMMIE IS AWAY! FUCKING SHIT! Well… Fuklin asked for it… Fuklin gets it. – This evening, when I got in, I was chatting with her ladyshit who is under sciatica these days… and as WE”re talking, Jester throws in that the “potatoes were garlicy last night.” FAGGOT! Eat my shit…. no wait…. it’s MY shit… too good for that virus. No class at all in this house… NONE. I must get out and away. If the roads weren’t wet and the temperature at 19°F already…. I’d head to Richford… just to get the fuck away…. However, I didn’t have the car before so there’s no sense “taking advantage” of it now. – I’m just waiting for the tea lights to take in the heater… they keep extinguishing… – Oh… and my FEET! WOW! HORRID! ODOUR!!! I don’t know why! (Well… I do… diet and such, no doubt.) – Time to finish my peppermint tea and then have a drink and then go to sleep. (2 rolls and peanut-butter for after-noon “meal” today… that should cover that necessity for a bit.)

Sat.29.Nov: 5.33 Feeling a bit run-over this morning…. this snappy-cold morning. One martini before bed and the “morning after”. Oh well then, I’m out of practise. But I’m not about to get back to it. – The one window that’s not “sealed” is covered in frost this morning. Indeed, it’s a cold one. And her ladyshit is lounged in the parlour. I wonder how long this will go on. I’m thinking of my morning laundry now. This will make that all but impossible. Imagine that. Oh, indeed. The move to not working in this Shitpit is done. Now to find “residence” out of here. Little by little… I should certainly hope. – Last day in the Hellhole. Bravo. I should be having a delightful morning. But, malnutrition and such prohibits celebratory mood. Always something. Always something. – 24.19 Just finished a strapped 10z which was long over-due and although ever so quiet, was certainly worth the effort. – As for the day? Well… I got to the office AT 7.30 only to find the bitch there already, with the trays of letters already started. I don’t know who she thinks she is and I don’t know what she planned to accomplish, but I ignored it all and went on about my own business, with the flats and then the rest of the letters and then onto the parcels and back to the 3rd class… and cased in between. The volume was light and so I took my sweetest time. No talking again and no radio. But the work got done, reports and all… save for when Lisa rang and asked for previous hours… and I told her that Gena often doesn’t bother to fill in the time sheet… and she replied “That’s going to stop. I insist on my paper-work being done.” Poor Lisa… Poor ANYBODY who gets stuck in that fucking hell-hole! But the day went along. George came in for his stamps today and paid in $CAD! I have 10 less YouAss but 20 MORE for Bedford shopping! Or… I might have to get to Cowansville (which her ladyshit tells me is closer than BTV so…) for tea lights (and flower pots… Canadian Tire anybody? – THEN, at the very last minute, some kunt strolls in with a parcel to send and can’t pay cash. The card machine isn’t working (as has been for the past 2 or 3 days) so she pays… by cheque! Fuck all! I’d JUST balanced my drawer, got the cash down to just over the 100 allowance, and she pulls this shit… when I won’t be able to deposit for about 2 weeks! SO? So I left the parcel AND the cheque for Monday. Fuck it! She waits until the last minute? Her parcel can wait. Ah… THEN? I close at 11.00, Diana rings: the computer at the Creek won’t boot! Ah… she rang the “Help” desk an they’re sending a new monitor! THAT’S NOT the trouble. I rang Cindy to get permission to go down there after Fukhole but she said “no”. So? So I have an interesting Monday coming. Bugger them. AND…. as I’m balancing the drawer count? The UPS fucker shows up! I went silent and didn’t bother to let him in. THOSE will have to wait until Monday as well… and I don’t give a shit. NOT that I want to make Monday difficult for Rachel… but I most certainly was NOT going to make my “last” day in that shit-hole any more difficult than it’s always been. ENOUGH of that shit! It will be good to work where my presence is appreciated and where the people are appreciated. – And so, the day done, drawer balanced to the cent, EVERYTHING taken care of, I left, under a crystal clear sky on a SNAPPY cold day. – Cleared the snow off the car as it ran and warmed-up a bit. And it started right up! What a most delightful relief that was! It warmed whilst I scrapped and such. (But tomorrow there’s a threat of sleet and freezing rain which will coat it over, no doubt.) – Car cleaned, I came into the house to find the usual… lounging about, eating and such. I came into the cold room, put the oil lampe into the “heater” and took a 3-hour nap. (Which is probably why I’m still awake at this hour… that and the fact that I”m SO HUNGRY! I had only 2 packettes of Ramen all day and one roll plain… one roll with the left-over brown sugar and some peanut-butter. I need MORE FOOD! But there’s not enough cash for food AND gas, and nothing on the FD card until Monday. It’s going to be a rough couple of days to come. – And I’d wanted to trim the beard and hair… but that will have to wait until tomorrow. No trouble, that. Not if it sleets and such. I just need to get this room a bit warmer is all. – This evening, “they” made a turkey-rice soup that stunk to all shit! And if wafted into the room, of course, The stench! Bad turkey. And no, I wasn’t even asked if… I’m supposing the faggot mentioned my mentioning not eating with people I do not like. Well… the faggot’s treading on some very fine line these days… especially since Bobo told me to avoid because “I wouldn’t put it past him to accuse you of doing something…” to him. Little do they all know: something WILL happen… and I won’t be any-where about. – KARMA! – And so, other-wise, a nothing evening. A bit of browsing, getting my papers together again. And now there are 5 tea lights in the “heater” and the room is chilled but comfortable. The tea lights are better than the oil lampe. But the lampe is good for more time burning. These tea lights will be out round about 3.00, so I’ll have to wake early enough to put up another 5 soon after. And I NEED MORE tea lights… I’ll have to get to the boxes in the closet… find the lights Viv gave me. – Of whom…. no word again… not even a mention of the little envelope I’d sent. Oh well…. not appreciated? I don’t give a shit. I don’t give a shit about much at all any more. – Looked for PO work in NYS… nothing…. Looked for a place in Richford… nothing. Oh well. Hopefully in time… time… Time. – And on the matter of “time”…. it’s time to try for some sleep. I’ll be keeping the radio on softly tonight. Her ladyshit has the TV going… with the bass too. Once again… a “Shelter Night”.

Sun.30 Nov:
HOME
11.04 WELL! Woke at about 7.00 and… the forecast for the day has changed to simply clouds with plus temperatures. And thus far? Clouds… and wet from the melting snow. My teeth are brushed. MY HAIR IS CUT! MY BEARD IS TRIMMED! I should do my nails. Why? Not a clue. But I should, I suppose. Hey! Tomorrow I have an “interview” where I’ll be dragged through the coals. And then I have a computer that doesn’t work at an office for which I’ll be personally responsible. So I may as well look clean. – Trying to decide whether or not to head to Home in Sutton and to IGA for something to eat. Or, to Richford to see Brenda and maybe go get more tea lights (which I do need… or to Home to get the tea lights… I haven’t enough US$ but I have enough CAD. How strange would that seem so some.) But, the hair is cut. Strange way too. No mirrors… just buzz along blindly. Didn’t turn out too bad. But, it’s cut. – Having my second coffee now and will decided the rest of the day as time passes. I do and I don’t want to take the car out. Now I’m concerned about the tyre on the driver’s side front. A bit low but not bad. And I don’t want to push the car. I NEED it! For WORK! Always something. – And I have to start another month on this Journal. I fucking HATE that. One of these days it’ll be over and done and that will be the end of it all. Oh… soon… soon. Why not now? I don’t know. I just don’t know. – I’m feeling the malnourishment this morning too. – 16.09 AND just back from SUTTON!!!!! And “Home” and Subway and IGA! – I didn’t think I was going to make it today. I didn’t feel at all well, and, of course, JUST as I went to shower (at almost 13.00)… OCCUPIED BY THE FAGOTT! Most of the reason I wanted to go to Sutton was to get FOOD! I was SO hungry that I was actually sick. AND, having only $CAD to spend on food… well… So, I simply went out for a smoke to pass the time and to wait and see. Sure enough, when I came back up the stairs, the loo light was still on but the room was empty so I grabbed shower things and went in… to SHOWER! In moments, of course, I was out and dressed and by about 13.30, I was on the road toward Richford and… ABERCORN AND SUTTON! (And just now, as I think of it: the trip from the house in Richford and back was about 6 hours and here, today, I went from Fuklin to Sutton, and in Sutton shopped and browsed Home, then went to Subway to get a poutine – 6,90$ – to go, and eat in the car in the parking lot at Home and to finish in the parking lot at IGA – and to IGA AND got back, through customs and all… in… THREE hours! Three hours, there and back, plus the distance to/from Fuklin and browsing! CA CE PEUT TU?!?) – SO… I left the house, went round the Square and up and over the 120, past the lake (cesspool) which is only partially frozen-over, and the back way into Richford. Ah… Richford… I DO miss that town. When I passed Mayhew’s, Brenda’s car was there but I didn’t stop… and I notice: SUE IS CLOSING THE STORE!!! Sign reads that she’s “retiring”! ANOTHER empty place in that town! Now, if only I had the seed money to open a small business there… not sure what, but there’s more than enough space available. Something to “save”… “my little town”. Well.. I planned to stop by to see Brenda en route back to Fuklin and so… OFF TO THE BORDER! – The passage in? Spiffy-zippy. Of course. The trip? Strange! En route to and from I kept thinking how odd to know where I was going, but that nothing “feels” familiar any more. I’m so accustomed to being on the bike. And I’m still not comfortable with the speed. It’s one thing going to Bedford in the car, when I’m accustomed to doing that trip on the bike, but going into Sutton… I’m accustomed to WALKING that stretch! And today, having to think about parking and such. What a difference! As I say: I know where I am, where I’m going, the roads and such… but I’m not accustomed to stop signs and cross walks and parking and that. Still, the trip was SO worth it all! (And to think: the distance is very similar to going into St.Allbeans… I can’t imagine why the 2 others don’t do that trip instead of going to St.Allbeans all the time. OK. Maybe it’s the currency, but still, it would do them the world of good to get to someplace “different”. Oh well… none of my business, really.) – First stop: Home. Browsed a touch, looked at things I would have liked to have gotten but know that all I’d do is bring it back to this place and pack it… and then have to move it… (SOON PLEASE). I didn’t see Ira today, but it was interesting to hear how well and how quickly people in Sutton switch back and forth, English-French-English-French. And, there too, the BTV radio station! Oh… and the village? PACKED! And so cute for the holidays. But then, it’s an “attraction”, with the ski resorts and such. But such a busy little place. – I found my tea-lights… 80 of them for 4,95! (On-line… Ikea… 100 for 3,99 and a shipping charge of TEN 10 BUCKS!) So I grabbed two bags (160! YAY!) and a bottle of store brand glass cleaner for the windshield, just in case of need. Out the door, directly across the street for… POUTINE! at Subway. 6,90. I got back to the car and started to eat it… HOT! GOOD! BUT… shitty. Very heavy on the potatoes and not so gracious with the cheese. BUT… it was SO GOOD none-the-less! FOOD! EATING! I WAS EATING FOOD! – Left there and went to IGA where I had no intention of really shopping for anything but when I got there, the Au Caramels were 2/5,00 (so I got 2 and will bring them to the Fuklin PO tomorrow for the gals there… a “Peace” offering and a a little “sweetness”… which will be sorely absent for them in the days to come). 2 boxes of MaeWests and a container of Liberté yoghurt (4,98!) plain. I figure the yoghurt might help my stomach a bit, especially after not eating much or well for the past several days. And, I was out to the car to finish the poutine before departing. – The drive back… again.. strange. Knowing where I was, where I was going, how to get to where I wanted to be and still… the route I’m more accustomed to walking. And then… Customs at Richford. And today’s laugh: the guy asks “Where were you born?” So I told him the whole… “-On-Hudson” line and he says “No way! I know Cornwall. I went to school in Poughkeepsie!” (2007) Marist! Security! He went to Newburgh for “Spanish” food. (Says it’s quite authentic there, with all the real Spanish population.) – – – 16.33 It’s dark already and I’m SO SO TIRED all of a sudden! From eating? I don’t know. But I’m truly TIRED! Going to check the Skype and then nap a little. – 18.26 The trouble with naps is that at this time of the year, I don’t want to stop napping. It’s dark. It’s night. And I want to sleep! – Meanwhile, the tea-lights managed to stay lit so there’s a bit of warmth being generated, even in one pot. So that’s good. Not that it makes it terrible warm in this room. But it’s better than no heat at all. Ah… the things I “settle” for. – And so… the trip today… So I chatted with the fellow for a tad and mentioned that I used to walk to Sutton… HE HEARD ABOUT ME! He says there’s a very limited number of people who work on the border in the area and they all know about everybody else. He’s only been in VT for a short while and is surprised by how many people know how many people here. He had stories to add to the chat about meeting people at work who are related to people who regularly cross the border and people who cross who are related to people who work the border. I told him what Fran told me about the 50 per-cent being directly related to the other 50 per-cent. He laughed and said it’s probably true. I said “Except for people like us… and they KNOW who we are!” We laughed and I went on my merry way, with yet another story about how I’m “known” at the border. (You’d think they’d treat me a bit better… but… not in THIS country… no.) – When I got back to the house, the Juke was gone, so I came in to find the faggot in the kitchen. Seems it got “groomed” today as well. Imagine that. I wonder why. I mean, when you look all that bad, why bother? (Although, I noticed today how my face is hanging on my skull again… it’s rather disgusting… to me… and surely, to others.) I simply came in and came to the room to light the “heater”. I say NOTHING to that piece of shit… NOTHING! – Well, the tea-lights from “HOME” are from… surprise… bloody-fucking China and just as cheap as can be! They wouldn’t stay lit under the two pots so I finally let them burn in the open for a while and then put only the largest pot over them. Something to heat up and disperse the heat about. Will it be any better? Who knows? But at least, as I say, it’s a bit of heat in a room that has none. – And then… I’m caught up to where I should be. – 18.35 and having 2 Mae Wests and a peppermint tea. Tired. A bit on the queasy side. Probably for not eating well the past several days. But tomorrow, I get back to my “samiches”! And I’m bringing a mug with me for coffee… hopefully the microwave there works and I can have a hot coffee during the day. Ah… the only thing “wrong” is that I’ll be there only the week. Then, next week. I have the entire week off until Saturday! The place will be a mess, no doubt. Hopefully not. We shall see… – (Poor Lisa! In that shit-hole here in Fuklin! I wish that place on NO-ONE!) – I’ve got the Skype running. There was word from Viv already. It took A WEEK for that envelope to get to her! A BLOODY WEEK! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THE POSTAL SERVICES THESE DAYS? I’d certainly like to know. – 22.44 Tired. Hungry. The “heater” is burning. The room is comfortable-warm. There was no word from Viv on the Skype. I didn’t expect any. I’ve watched the last of my down-loaded episodes of “Northern Exposure”. I’ve have my last smoke of the day. Apparently I’m on a shit list in the house. Truthfully, I don’t give a shit of my own. I’ve opened the “December” page on this Journal. I’m not thrilled about that. Time. I hate it! – Tomorrow… will be… fuck… it will be another day and who the fuck cares? December. Winter. Perhaps I’ll be granted Peace this Winter. I can only hope. Thus far, tonight, it’s warm for this season, this month, this time of the year. Windy… but warm. December. Winter. Perhaps I’ll be granted Peace this Winter.