LoupNordique

2021 Monthly Directory

SATURDAY 02 OCTOBER:
AT 13.15 TODAY, CONFIRMATION: THE "MASS" ON THE LUNG IS BENIGN !!!

12: *16 YEARS LATER - ART-WORK*

SATURDAY 02 OCTOBER:
AT 13.15 TODAY, I WAS STANDING ON THE FRONT PORCH, GRABBING A HALF-SMOKE BREAK WHEN A DARK GREY PICK-UP STOPPED IN FRONT OF THE HOUSE AND A YOUNG GUY IN A TOQUE CALLED OUT “HOW ARE YOU TODAY?” I HAD NO IDEA WHO IT WAS SO I JUST SHRUGGED, HAVING NOTHING TO SAY. BUT AS I TOOK A BREATH TO SAY SOMETHING ALONG MY USUAL RESPONSE, THE YOUNG MAN CALLED OUT “DR. D.....!” MY DOCTOR! “DID YOU GET THE MESSAGE?” HE ASKED. WELL, OF COURSE, I HAD TO SAY “NO, WHAT MESSAGE?” WELL... HE DROVE OVER TO THE CORNER, STOPPED AND TOLD ME “I THOUGHT THEY'D CALL YOU YESTERDAY, BUT I GUESS THEY DIDN'T. IT'S 'SCAR TISSUE'. IT'S NO CANCER.” I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY! I TRULY JUST DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY, BUT I FELT MY EYES TEARING... RELIEF AND ANGER. RELIEF THAT THIS “LUMP” ISN'T GOING TO KILL ME OFF (BEFORE YONAH), THAT I DON'T HAVE TO THINK ABOUT ANY INVASIVE SORT OF “HUNT AND PECK”, DON'T HAVE TO THINK ABOUT LEAVING YONAH ALONE FOR A DAY OR MORE... AND ANGRY BECAUSE, IN THREE YEARS, NOBODY'S BOTHERED TO TELL ME !!! ESPECIALLY THOSE QUACK-SHITS WHO COULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING LAST YEAR ALREADY. OK. SO LAST YEAR WAS AN X-RAY. BUT THEY “DUMPED” ME ONTO SOME DOCTOR I DIDN'T KNOW AND “DISMISSED” ME. AND IF THEY THOUGHT, EVEN IN PASSING, THAT IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN SERIOUS, THEY COULD HAVE CALLED TO FOLLOW-UP. BUT NOBODY BOTHERED. AND ANGRY BECAUSE OF IT BEING 'SCAR TISSUE'... *VERMONT*! THE BARN-CLEANING, AND THE BIKE-RIDING, INHALING VAPOURISED COW AND HUMAN SHIT! *YEARS* OF BREATHING SHIT! BUT THE GOOD DOCTOR WAS KIND, AND SEEMED GENUINELY CONCERNED, AND SAID, “THERE'S SIGNS OF OTHER GRANULOMA, BUT NOTHING SERIOUS. SO WE'LL JUST PLAN ON ANOTHER CT IN 6 MONTHS.” OF COURSE, I THANKED HIM. AN HE MENTIONED VISITING YONAH'S WEB-SITE! SO I “FOLLOWED” HIM PAST YONAH'S WINDOW AND HE SMILED AND SAID “51 PHOTOS FOR A MONTH? YOU NEED TO SORT THEM DOWN TO, MAYBE, THE BEST 10!” HE ACTUALLY *DID* LOOK AT YONAH'S SITE! AND SO, AS I ADMITTED THAT I AM A BIT CARRIED AWAY, HE DROVE OFF... HE HAS A CAMP PLACE AT THE LAKE AND WAS ON HIS WAY OVER THERE! - I HAVE TO SAY THOUGH, NO MATTER HOW “RELIEVED” I AM, IT'S 19.38 AS I PUT THIS DOWN AND, I THINK I'M IN MORE SHOCK THAN MUCH ELSE. THERE'S A PART OF ME THAT WANTS TO CELEBRATE (THERE'S A MARTINI IN THE FRIDGE) AND ANOTHER PART OF ME THAT'S JUST NUMB. IT'S BEEN AT LEAST THREE YEARS THAT I'VE BEEN THINKING THAT THERE'S SOME KIND OF MALIGNANCY GROWING IN MY LUNG(S). IT'S BEEN THREE YEARS OF EXPECTING TO EITHER COUGH BLOOD AND LUNG IN THE MORNING, OR SIMPLY “DROWN” AS I LAY IN BED AT NIGHT. THREE YEARS! AND TODAY... IT ALL COMES TO A SUDDEN HALT, DISAPPEARS. YEAH... “SHOCK” COVERS IT QUITE WELL. BUT TODAY... IT'S OVER! 10, 11, 8 GRAMS OF VITAMIN C FOR ALMOST A YEAR. I'M SURE THAT'S HELPED WITH SOMETHING, BUT... IT HASN'T BEEN BATTLING LUNG CANCER! (PROBABLY “DUNG-LUNG” AND THAT MIGHT JUST BE THE CAUSE OF THE MASS... AND THE GRANULOMA... FUCKING VT. OH WELL... I GOT THERE, “LIVED THAT DREAM-TURNED-NIGHT-MARE” AND HAVE MOVED ALONG... AND NOW, I CAN LOOK FORWARD TO GIVING YONAH ALL THE CARE AND ATTENTION AND LOVE HE COULD POSSIBLY NEED... FOR AS LONG AS HE'S AROUND... I WON'T “GO” BEFORE HIM!