Each time I inhaled, I drew cremated ash deeper into my lungs. The moisture of my pulmonary tissues adhrered the ash and particles to “me”. Like nicotene to a cigarette smoker, a part of that substance – those PEOPLE – would be absorbed into my body. What mineral or other compound that could be, would become ME! These incinerated humans, these strangers, would continue to walk the earth… as part of my being.

But their spirits’ need to be set free was so great that they fought, and in doing so, scratched, burned, slashed at my body. I coughed. I sneezed. I gagged. They fought.

When the coughing, sneezing and gagging subsided, I wondered:
Who are they?
and
Where are they… inside me now?

Smoke and cynders in the air
rose high above Hell’s raging inferno.
Towers of glass and steel
turned torches on earth’s horizon.
All turned to ash
as I stood helpless
but to watch and witness.
And cremation
cremation of the trapped.

Their ashes mingled with the dust
and soot that filled
my lungs and throat
and covered earth around me
and in my sleep I breathed them in
and in my waking hours
breathed them in
deeper still.

It burned!

The flames had been extinguished
but bits of strangers
lingered all around.
The sky might have been blue again
but they were still there
suspended in my air.
My lungs pulled them in…
inside me.

Microscopic bits of body,
bone and spirit
of those who once looked on in terror,
charred and turned to ash
now adhered to my moist lungs
in the darkness of my own body.

In my nostrils, throat and lungs,
sharp claws punctured my flesh,
scraping
to be set free.
Spririts climbed higher toward the light
torturing me.

It burned!

I breathed.
They fought my efforts to live.
I inhaled
and pulled them deeper inside.
These strangers
these people
affixed to my own tissues
lodged within my chest
so very close to my heart.

I thought it was
like fiberglass, or sand or tiny stone
that rasped against my lungs and throat

but it was more like
firey claws
of spirits fighting
to be set free
of me.

In time… time… time…

The remnants of the cremated
affixed, adhered to my internal flesh,
entrapped
through no fault of theirs
nor mine
disolved, absorbed, became
enjoined.

And when the
burning, scratching, clawing
ceased
these strangers
the cremated
pulsed through with-in my blood.

How many of them
I wonder
now trapped inside me
will wait
wait with me
to die a second time
and finally
be set free.

A question that
in silence lingers
and now
years after…

To have survivied
is not to have survived
but only to linger
tortured
with no other to know
none to understand
none who comprehend
to walk amidst
(not amongst)
those who would forget
or
claim a tragedy
as their own
having not the slightest idea
nor notion
but looking for a reason
to beg sympathy.

Disregard us
who lived
and live
carrying in our lungs
the dust of buildings gone
and the ash
of those who perished.

You won’t see
what we harbour
in our hearts.
The pains and despair
or that ash
which has become
what we are today.

No chruch bell tolled
as morning rose uninterrupted.
A cloud passed over the sun…
it retreated and dawn departed.
The day began
sun filled all eyes
and there was no silence.
And I was alone.

Non-existent
I retreated, pulled my-self
into my-self
surrounded by my-self
I heard my heart
break.

Images of a television screen
the stairs
the roof…
The silence of disbelief
of anger, sorrow, despair
and fear
like strobing flashes
my mind reeled…
in total solitude.

A wave overcame me.
I was lost and tumbling
no control
to drift away.

The darkness,
in a solitary soul
it was alone…
I was
lonely
so lonely.

Nothing in common
and nothing to share
my family so far away
I retreated to my lawn chair
down-stairs
in the back-yard
sitting with ones Loved
and Loving
We waited for returning survivors
beneath the flag
under which I slept
and folded to take with me.