July 2011

FRI. 1 JULY 2011 17.03 Q53 BC to NYC. PHONE PAID FOR JULY! (MCU) I got paid for something last week. I’m not asking. Now? Storage… I’m only hoping that will be covered. Increase in over-draft but… I deal with one disastre at a time here. (Not wearing glasses. Blurry.) – ONE PAGE AND ONE PARAGRAPHE LEFT IN BLACKNOTES! ALL MONOGRAM ILLUSTRATIONS PHOTOGRAPHED! DAMN! SO FAR, SO… (I’m NOT going to say… I still want 45mins at MMLib and that closes at 20.00.) – Admit; C.E. didn’t get showered today. I took an easy day for me. He ate. I cleaned the house. I kept him dry. OK. – Spoke with Ramdai. Bless her. Spoke with “Melanie”, new spvsr. KUNT! STUPID. She’s going to be trouble. But I also opened a Twitter to log her shit. ONE MORE MONTH! FINISHED! And today? 7.30-15.05 (at least). Even Mrs.E. knows I was there at 7.30 yesterday AND today. – Now? HoBe (17.13). Hungry. Constipated. But… moving right along… toward… death (my ultimate goal… PEACE!) – 18.33 MMLib 16mins til my PC appointment. Almost done with BlackNotes. A bitter-sweet time for me. But there’s still much work to be done: the proofing, the images, the back-up copy/copies, merging DeadArtist, DunesSojourner, Gaston, Kalbah… How? When? To where? At where? AND… to close… FOREVER… NYC8539266. So much more… after TWO YEARS of libraries and typing. TWO YEARS! TWO YEARS. How I wanted to be GONE from here, Creation, in 2010. I never thought I’d finish the in-line versions. But here I am, this evening, SO CLOSE TO CLOSING! Next? The journey… NORTH! On the trains here this evening I thought: Closer to Quebec! A bounce across the border. Maybe re-unite with Viv. But to die, find PEACE in the place that brought me PEACE for the very first time in my existence, in the place where I LIVED. To finally go back… finally. VT is the step that’s coming. PEACE. – 7 minutes to my PC. May the keyboard (and the Java) be favourable. – 22.07 E4 Jesus(1) fukd up. No sign-in. Missed bed-check. Now WE have to suffer the next one in. I’ve no sympathy. But even BedCheck said it: 1st of the month, cheques. The drunks run amok. (Even David got a buzz on… but IN the room. Now he’s in bed, headphones on.) So much for my little “happiness” of completing transcription. – Well, tomorrow I’m heading to Tilden. Sun. Sea. Surf. Sand. And maybe… who knows? But NO RAA. Fuk the lot of them. Not a word… again. – So far I’ve wiped Penelope, the Greenbergs, and others. No more. NO more. – I’m showered. It’s time to get horizontal. Travel will be miserable the next 3 days. – This room stinks… stale & 3′s old stuff. Booze’ll be next. Alas. – G’night.

SAT. 2 JULY – 7.40 Q32 Mad/34th FukkinJesus lost bed last night. Middle of the night, a guy who’s argued with me in the past got the bed. (And this morning? Bummed my lighter. Life. Goes around.) Last night was NOT restful: David2 smoking in room (the stench, in locker, in bed… caught and he’s OUT and I have to deal with new-comer, fuk.). He was up and down all friggin night, lights on/off. Wanted the door closed! No ventilation! Guill3 hacking. Well. This morning I’m off to Waldbaums for beachlunch food and Tilden. See who fux THIS Saturday. – 7.53 Q32 65th/2nd. The City’s so empty at this hour. Lovely. But I’m looking forward to getting OUT and AWAY! – 7.55 BRIDGE! ESCAPE! MY GOD! ESCAPE! – Taking this ride puts me in a “rural” sort of mind-set: DX Travel. – 7.57 QUEENS! – Guts a bit knotty. Very tiny BM. – Hello Queens. FukU Greenbugz. – OK. E-nuff. – 9.10 Just getting to LibertyAv! For this I woke at 5.30. – 16.24 Shuttle. Rock Park. It really was delightful at Tilden today. Not too crowded. Not too hot. The water, not too cold. Tide, not too low. 11-15.00. I’ll be sorry later. – I’ll miss the ocean. The buoyancy, the waves (though there weren’t any today). I’ll miss that “open” experience… looking out to the end of all. But… I won’t miss the shit here. – So now I’ll make it back in time to wash swim trunks & towel, sign, and hopefully relax. Tomorrow: get the mirror. Tomorrow evening, HAIRCUT. – Right now, THIRSTY! – Oh, I got cigs. when I arr’d in Rock. Walked the Freeway to Waldbaums. It’s nice to be here… nice KNOWING the place. At Tilden, gave 2 FRENCH visitors Fort info. Hmpf. Me so schmart. – And me SO SCHWITZIE! – 16.33 STUCK AT HOLLAND! FUKKING MTA! I WON’T miss this! And the 8car shuttle is packed. Shit. – 19.21 By 19.19: Trunks washed, beach towel washed, coffee made, paper-work for tomorrow done. – It looks like TD paid storage. Good for me. Bad for me. It eats 300$ from my “Escape Funds”. FUKME FUKME FUKME AGEN AN AGEN AN AGEN! Oh well. Tomorrow’s paper-work is good. – A to F to 14th to TD ATM receipt. M14 to 1st to M15 immed. NO QUEUE to get in! Dumbass “security” had to check my meal tkt twice. Duh. She forgot she’d checked. Bril. No prob. Up in the lift with 3 Black line-jumpers (note). David in… bed… gee, how novel. But door open. OK. – And now I lie on the bed, feet up on the locker as David fux with the radio. And I’m “Sunned”. – Waiting to see what “colours” appear on the white towel. I swear the water’s bad. – Still can’t get over the changes in here since “Ms. Reid” became “Director”. Like Dear Joyce said: A woman in authority is bad enough, but a BLACK woman in authority is pure HELL! Indeed.

SUN. 3 JULY 2011 17.03 E4 I think I left the Hotel Dung-heap at some time round 9.30. Saw Khenkina. I was 3rd on the list. Whilst waiting to sign however, I HAD to take a DUMP! H.A.D.! And thankfully, I had “terlet paypuh” in ye olde ruck-sack. Wow! The 5th fl. stalls. Rick’s stall. It almost felt like… no, I won’t say that. But it was “familiar”. And productive. (RadioBoy returns… 17.07) – My “paper-work” pleased my c.w. “We’re good now.”. She mentioned some Sect.8 pgm. through HPD. I looked on as she checked the Internet. Nothing much mentioned on-line and not much information given to her. She suggested I keep in touch with her. MealTkt: the 13th! A Wed. But not THIS Wed. Hooray! – I came back to the room, it was RAINING! (We’d had a small thunder-storm.) – Must doze… Haircut, repaired umbrella, TD sack, washed sox/t-shirt. The sneakers leak! – Snooze time (whilst I may). – 18.59 I woke at 18.49! I NAPPED! Not enough, but… This morning was: Khenkina. Oh! Steve(former E3) came through the “lounge”, en route to morning (8.00) beer. He seems to be doing OK. He’s D33 now… across fm Keith’s bed… in Rick’s room. (My memories in this fukdump.) – Then, OUT into the rain. The umbrella is missing 2 connectors. OK. No prob. Got it free. M15-L-BwyJct-A-Lefferts. Storage. Took my time looking through almost everything for the damned mirror. Took the old grey sweats (I have the new here & would rather have the old), sewing kit, little “nose hair” scissor, an Imari powder (forgot the antifungal… shit!). Will put the “new” sweats back tomorrow. Can’t keep much here this “visit”. I think I must have been done BEFORE NOON! And HUNGRY! But only 30$ left on FoodStamps. I went to RiteAid: 1pk cigs, 2 “PowerBars” (on sale), bottle of Coke. – Q35-QnsBlvd-Q60-2ndAve-M15. I was back by about 14.30. (Left foot soaked. Sneakers have a hole & the toe stitching/seal is broken. FUKFUKFUK! I will NOT wear 65$ Reboks!) – As I un-packed, David2 left. THE ROOM TO MY-SELF! Yellow trunks on. Plastic bag on floor. HAIRCUT! TWO MIRRORS ON LOCKER DOORS! Good job too! Quick shower after. (Cuttings down the loo.). Back to fix umbrella/TD bag. – A “chat” with Guillermo3. GeorgeRusselJr1 bothers him. Well, last night he came in reeking of shit. I think it was his own. Totally wrecked on booze/drugs/both. Showered. Pissed&moaned, up&down all night. Said something about this being his 6th bed. I eventually fell asleep… in exhaustion… I kept watching him though, through squinted eyes. I don’t trust him AT ALL! Anyway… G.3′s been here x1,5yrs. We talked about “changes”, no help. (RadioBoy turns off radio, now schmatzing! Bloodyfukking PIG!) OK. Everybody G.3 came in with is gone. He remains. (Prosthetic arm? WITH “skin”/hand by the way. No cheap metal hook.) More like what I KNOW: Those who stay don’t DO anything to improve their lot. So here they remain. No sympathy from me. And so, I continued to stitch… HAD to wash today’s socks so I threw in the t-shirt as well. Now to hope all is dry tomorrow. – All said, busy and productive day… Early too. – Twitter: Interesting communications with PJ in VT. He’s apparently anti-Govt. because of low salaries. Well. That’s what’s terribly wrong with/in these U.S. But… I thought it “might” be “better” in VT. Alas. Still, VT’s closer to QC and THAT is my GOAL. – I realised today: I “talk” on Twitter lately. Certainly not here. And this morning I could have gone to Tilden/Penelope or Glendale/Greenbergs or maybe even Bkln/Schmulik… Aside fm “shabbat shalom” msg. on Fri. fm. Schmulik, I hear nothing from anybody. So… they’re DEAD. They’ve no use, no concern for me… GONE. ZAP! Finished. I’ve no cause to communicate. And I can get another sleeping bag & pillows. Afghan? It’s incomplete. Let them rot in it. *May it curse their homes.* – I’m having trouble peeing of late. Bladder pressure but constricted flo. Hmmm… CA/Prostate? WTF? Why not? – An hour to sign-in. I’m hungry. But the prices in Gristedes aren’t worth the shopping. Hopefully I’ll get to eat something at work tomorrow. Then, 6 days til more FS! (I’m hungry now though. Made non-dairy creamer. Finished it already. Oh well…) – No libraries again tomorrow AND trains/busses on holiday sched/Saturday. EARLY DEPARTURE! (Probably no sleep tonight too… SCUMBAGS!) – Back to Twitter. – 20.29 David2 walks out of the room, comes back, gets BACK into bed, lights a fukking cigarette! SHIT! ANOTHER MORON! I don’t need MY clothing smelling like cigarettes! – For the past several nights, the soda machine, outside the door, hasn’t worked. BANGING ON IT! JOSTLING IT! CUSSING! YELLING! BANGING THE SELECTION BUTTONS! One would THINK these feeble idiots would learn. But… NO. Today, the machine is dark. They’ve pulled the plug. HOWever, the feebles are STILL trying it! Holiest Shit! They’re just SO DAMNED OBTUSE! Hopeless. – Sign-in on 5 tonight. Jolly. – And tonight, again, I wonder about sleep. But my cell-alarm is on “hi-vibrate”. I just wish it was LOUDER! – I’ve just had 2 days “off” from work. Up early anyway. The usual hour. Yesterday, to get to the beach. Today, to get to the c.w. NO REST! NEVER ANY REST. – But at storage today I found another vial of pills. It’s with the AtropaVodka. It was “comforting” to hold them both and remember: I have my options… OUT. (So why don’t I just go? Now, it’s because I’m curious about leaving to VT. Champlain. Quebec. Still, maybe THIS stint in the shelter will toss me… OUT… to sea.)

MON. 04/07/2011 at 06:33 (Edit)
6.32 at 22.55 through about 24.00: CRACK! – 10.16 HoBe. MADE IT! 7.50 clock-in. – Last night? George never showed. There was no bed-check. I drifted at about 21.30, expecting bed-check. Then expecting a “new-comer”. And I was hungry. No bed-check. No “new-comer”. No damned soda machine. Silence. THEN… 22.55, David gets up, animated worse than a cartoon character. Body in motion, talking to himself. Sitting on the edge of the bed. Under the blanket. Up. Walking out and in. THEN… the STENCH! He’s smoking in the dorm… cigarettes AND CRACK! Now I’m inhaling CRACK in my sleep! He’s up, lights on, in his locker. He’s down, lights off, under the blanket. Up. Down. Talking to himself. Animated. Guillermo wakes. In the locker. Bang. Typical. They simply CAN’T let peace be. G3 sells cigarettes, on the 3rd floor. DEElightFUL! – By about 0.30, I managed to drift into half-sleep, still anticipating a “new” E1. – This morning? I slept until 6.40! 6 alarms! Up. Shit/brush teeth. Shower. Dress. GO! – Bus to L to Lefferts A. – Got to storage. Ladder waiting. Sweats in. Cream out. Done. Q11. – PatrickHHA on bus. I panicked thinking PIC double-booked. They hadn’t. – Mrs. cooked eggs. I had 1 on toast. Mr. up, showered, Done. – I’m tired now. No rest. NO rest. 27 more days. 27. – 16.45 Q32 In no rush. Nice day. Biscotti. A little ice cream. 2 coffees. And Mrs.E. boiled an egg: 2 toasts, butter. Mr. in good mood. A good day. Now? For a miserable night with the Crackass. – Hx Channel today: How the states got their shape… I got to see… VT! Quebec border! My count-down! I HAVE TO LEAVE NY! – 18.34 E4 Left HoBe approx. 15.45 Q53-Q32-M16 arr. 17.58. – LightBlue jeans washed. Coffee made. CrackBoy’s got the radio BLASTING and he’s bloodyfukking sound asleep. May he ROT! – E1 stripped-down. Linens bagged in the hall. We’ve got another restless night coming. – 27 days more. Give me strength. – But my locker’s smelling better (Imari) today. – No food again tonight. I just can’t get myself to pay those Gristedes prices! Oh well. – Twitter, maybe “nap” (yeahrightfuk), sign-in, shower. Fuk these trashheads. – “Fuck you fake homeless” written in inside of the lift. Agreed. – Woah! 28,5 degrees in this pit! – 21.06 Just did an entry but the “name” field had gone blank. FUKDISSHIT! –
21.08 28,5deg in here. – I told E1 (Fernid Moore?) where the light switch is, where to sign for the bed. I will NOT be the Happy Welcome Wagon! He’s brought only a back-pack. He’s better on the eye than others. Maybe 40s. Possibly Hispsnic but I’m not certain. – CrackO’s sitting on the bed, having filled his fukking face. Radio going. In and out of the room already. Pacing. – I changed the plastic bottle in the door with a crushed can. I’m wondering how long it’ll be before CrackO gets rid of it. – E3′s in. BangClunk. – Wasted life forms. – I’m hungry. As always, nothing is offered. – 21.16 E1′s in, making the bed… TYING THE SHEET. OK. He “knows”. Now I keep an open eye on this one. He’s not so “new”. Brought his padlock. The little “tell-tale” signs. And here I am, the “Enigma”. Oh well. – An interesting night to come… indeed. – Now to get rid of E2… or not. I’m not sure. (It’s “bouncing” again. Not speaking to me… fine. Let it pass the fuk out! Seriously. – Cheyenne Menthol. E1. “And the plot thickens.” KENDALL! WHERE ARE YOU? – Indian I think… NOT HISPANIC! AND SHOWERING! – 21.26 THE fireworks have begun. – WP is fukking… almost lost this post too… “name” shit. – I’m hungry, tired, fed-up.

TUE. 05/07/2011 at 11:46 (Edit)
11.43 HoBe 55 Monogram sketches to PhotoBucket. Last night’s jeans are dry. Melanie rang this morning, “routine check” and confirm I work this week-end. Mr.E. in good mood. And I’d like a nap.

WED. 06/07/2011 at 06:36 (Edit)
6.29 30/2nd Yesterday: Productive… Made it to PenLib for funky PC. But it printed and I’m proofing this blog! Caught-up and proofing. I didn’t think I’d ever see this point. – Shuttle, A, L, 6… SIBL. Learned how to up-load files from this phone! Took a while to figure (I hope I can remember), and only 1 file (picture) at a time but… 50 images went to WordPress! – 7.37 HoBe (clocked-in 7.31…BLOODY EXHAUSTED! Mr. no bottoms, soaked bed. Fukkit.) Meanwhile back at the Dung-heap… Empty room for a while. I’d brought the damp jeans to HoBe to dry. Hung them. It was already after 20.00. E1 comes in. We begin to talk. I try to convince him he’s in a good room (I don’t want turn-over and he’s more respectful than the other 2 slugs). He’s from Tunisia! In his 40′s. (Thought that I am too… funny haha.) Been in this place 4days. First time. I run the major list. We talked… god, psych, philosophy, history. He’s interesting. – Bed-check. All accounted. 22.30. I opted for no shower… ERROR! – *** At 24.38 the YELLING IN THE HALL! 6W-110. STAFF! The STAFF congregated and were YELLING! 24.42 BANG! Another moron used the soda machine in the hall. It took the money, no soda. The bloody thing’s broken! BANGBANGBANG! Somebody suggests tipping the machine. I silently agree. By about 1.00 I decide to shower… for my own comfort. Following? E2 up and down, eating. E3 up and down, eating. Useless. That’s all they are. I try to doze off… Yelling. Rustling plastic. I don’t know when/how… I drifted… – 7.53 HoBe This morning I woke to the alarm at 5.28. Shit, VERY SMALL!. No smoke. I didn’t want one. Teeth. Had to WAIT for a shower! Got it. Dressed. Out. 6.30-something bus. Good connections. – But I’m incredibly tired… Probably 3hrs sleep. I NEED MORE! – 20.08 E4 The day went well… until the end. VNS came and put my worries about Melanie to rest. Most in our region have probs with her. And the COC? Supportive, kind, and “Hospice”. I’m relieved. Then at 14.40 Mr. decides he’s hungry! OK! Lunch! And I wanted to get to PenLib and SIBL. FUKDAT OK! Lunch, jello on the clean clothes. Out the door. I stayed until 15.40. No rush any more. – Yesterday I got stuck in Holland because the S.Channel bridge opened. Today… the A was in no hurry. To the F and 34th/6th. NEVER AGAIN! CROWDS! I walked to SIBL where the bloodyfukking PC wouldn’t let me transfer fm the phone! No PC help person. I inquired at the Info desk and the bitch took to somebody else and blew me off! The Asian one. She did it to me before when I asked for info… gave partial answer and went to the next person! Well! I WASTED about 40 minutes doing NOTHING! Finally, I sent a msg via site to NYPL then left one in the “suggestion” box. As I dropped my “suggestion” the bitch was already defending herself at the Altman desk! I quietly walked over and said “Madame, you’re discourteous, disrespectful and rude. This is not the 1st time you’ve done this to me…” I’d also said I’d inform City Hall… they can consider my msg at next “budget cut”. – 18.00 Nothing accomplished. Schmulik had sent msg. “When are you moving…?” He’d also left the studio at 15.00 (baths?). – I headed back to the Dungheap. – Ah but… M16 to 23rd. MortonWms. PopTarts, knishes, Gatorade… Buddigs turkey and pastrami. (All I’d eaten all day was cake.) I shoved a pkg of turkey in my mouth as I walked 23rd to CVS. THERE is ANOTHER STORY: Black bitch comes to check-out: “Nobody here to serve you here.” I need cigs. “Wuh kine?” She gave me my cigs. directed to SelfCheck “I’ll be right there.” Snaps at me “The line’s over there.” Points. Then GOES AWAY! FUK! I scan… wait… some nasty guy comes “Beer? Cigarette?” Scans a card & says “Customer obviously over 21″. FUK NY! – I walked toward 1stAv. shoved the pastrami in my mouth. Done. Cont…20:43 – THE FLOOR WAS MOPPED! CLEAN! CrackO in the bed… TALKING TO HIMSELF… CRACK-HEAD. ASKED ME FOR A MATCH. I said I didn’t have any more because he’d burned-up what I gave him. He had some shit reply and I let it out! No respect. Fuk me because I’m nice. Now fuk all y’all cause I’m minding my business from now on! OK. He’s not happy… OK. I don’t give a rat’s hole. – So it’s 20.41. 30degrees in here! I’m SOAKED with sweat. And the shithead-braindead-fukkedSpics are banging on the soda machine. – Time to sign. Shower… KILL SOMEthing in here. Amen.

THU 7 JULY – 6.07 M15 New E1 last night. – But I managed sleep in spite of it. – SmBM. Guts knotted. – No happy mood. Fedup with much in genl. – 6.13 14th/2ndAv. I’m taking the bus to 8th to the A. – Well, I managed to eat last evening. CrackO behaved. And the nee E1 was fairly quiet. Stinks though. Not terribly. Just generally. But I do too… urine. I’ve reached the age where I “drip”. Only “time”. Only “time” – 6.17 M14. – This morning I think of getting on the road/rails, heading North… mere time… through VT to the border… QUEBEC! Soon. Soon. Soon. – Am displeased with humanity this morning. Fair-weather people. I’m SOLO. FUKKEMALL! – 6.22 14th/5th. – Cajun on. Morning. – FUKKEMALL. – 9.29 I left 30mins earlier to arrive 7.31 (MTA! Junglebunnies at their prime. THERE! Said it!) Mr.E. sitting at table. Dry bed. Damp drawers. Not good. Ate well though. And right now? TV. Newspaper. Morning. I’m going to check e-mail. See what Schmulik has to say, anything from PJ.VT, the library. – 19.22 Mmlib Catching-up again here (on ANOTHER POORLY FUNCTIONING KEYBOARD!) – Left E’s at about 15.45 and went to the HoBeLib (2x30min sessions but…) ALL THE SKETCH IMAGES ARE LOADED TO THE WORDPRESS! I DID IT! I DID IT! – And whilst in the library, the RAINS! came. I missed getting soaked. HOWever… true to NYC and the MTA, ,the A was delayed at N.Conduit, then, at Grant, the train was held so I went BACK to Liberty for a Q21. Sat in a seat the some beachidiot sat in… wet arse! And on a 21! Took it to Queens Mall. M train to the F and here I am. I wanted SIBL for the hour but… THE IMAGES ARE ON WORDPRESS! – Now to clean this mess up a bit.

FRI. 08/07/2011 at 06:07 :
6.05 Waiting… M15. – MILK CARTONS! ABOUT 10 OF THEM! E3. Across the top of the locker! Empty. Open! Friggin SLOB! “Typical” of his “gente”… “pueblo”.
06:12 :
6.08 on the bus. – THEN… 2.40 this morning, CrackO comes in from who-the-fuk-knows-where AND PUTS THE RADIO ON! So I got up, having napped well, turned on the lights, took out my 20 pages of “proofing” for this journal (2 pgs remaining), used my little light and finished the proof-reading.
06:21 :
6.15 M14 Went back to sleep at something-past 3.00. Certainly was NOT quiet. And surely didn’t care… and don’t. Fuk. – Wonderful… no BM this morning… until now. How wonderful… en route, 6.19, my guts turn. – Payday today. FS tomorrow. I just want to bring the TD account back… NOW. – In general: BATTLE MODE!
20:27 :
20.06 E4 Safe to assume E1 IS another CrackO. A non-bather, schmacker, lip-sucker and laughs to itself. AND STINKS! Happy David2? A little friend for you. – *SHORTED ON MY PAY! I kept 77$ for the week and put over 254$ into TD. STILL SHORT 85-plus. This is going to be difficult. But gives me even more incentive to GET OUT! (E1 intentionally rattling paper bags and clunking empty cans… Great! We’ve got empty milk containers on E3, more shit at E1 and this morning I had a mouse in my locker. This place has REALLY gone to shit!) – So… I’m pissed about the pay. But got 75% of the overdraft paid. – Next item? Mr. got really showered today but wouldn’t eat. (So I did.) – Clocked-out just past 15.00. Brought a shopping cart back to Waldbaums for Mrs. Grabbed a Q41 to HoBe P.O. for the TD M.O. Then… had to WAIT until well past 16.00 for the 21bus to RockPark! Fuk the MTA. And there were storms pending. Dark skies. Bad Internet connectivity on the phone. – RockPark P.O., ONE bloody pay advice! OK. Since it was raining (and MY SNEAKERS LEAK!), SSLib for 30mins. I got my Dept. of Labour complaint forms printed AND 37 more pages of this journal to proof! Happy me. Barbara O.(112-22) was there. I dodged. She said nothing. I’m just as glad. – Shuttle, A, L, 6: TD. Deposit made! – Back to “here”. – All present. Room silent. STENCH! I washed 2pairs of socks. Ate 4 PopTarts. Just waiting to sign… It’s going to be VERY difficult with Little CrackO in here. Stench. Stupidity. Noise. (And my proofing is the 1st night in here… back “then”. Imagine!) – BREEZE! It’s SO SO SO HOT AND HUMID IN HERE! – Well, off to sign’n’shower. Yup… a difficult time ahead. C.Jr. can’t quite grasp the bottle-keeping-the-door-open. There’s more shit between those ears than imaginable.
20:28 :
20.27 SCHMATZ! Not schmack. SCHMATZ!

SAT. 09/07/2011 at 12:06 :
11.47 HoBe I’ve just come out of a NOD! Actually slept last night! Almost incredible! David2 was well-behaved. Wm.Glen1 actually offered to put out the light! (I wonder though: he keeps a bit of a “bundle” in his shorts. Valuables? He’s strange. Guill3 still has his shit in top of his locker. And somebody isn’t bathing. But after lights-out, WG1 did something… smelling so OK that the guy who did bed-check commented! Reminded me of Ortiz… “Smells good in here. Thank you!” What’s to come is our little mystery. – But… sleep was had.
This morning I woke at 4.50. Guill3 was already up. I took my time, showered and such and out. M15 M14 A/Lefferts Q11. In at 7.51. *A young, attractive Black fellow on the A (at RockBlvd) greeted me “Shabbat Shalom”! The Hebrew! – Well. My sneakers are drying by the fan. I wore plastic bags over my socks (left foot) because the sneaker was SOAKED! – Mrs.E. was in a little snit this morning. I WAS SO DAMNED TIRED but Mr. was awake and ready to go immediately! And Mrs. here! BUT… Even though I dusted and lightly mopped I reach the point: NObody will do for these people what I do. BUT at my salary? I’m NOT going crazy. – 3 more weeks. I don’t know HOW but I AM GETTING AWAY… TO THE NORTH!
17:15 :
17.09 Q53 to… Hell. – Just came from storage where I emptied the binder of CT and NY docs. Keeping the VT info. It’s “part of the start”. – The day went OK. Not bad. I kept busy, filed my nails, charged phone and iPod, dried my sneakers. Maybe tomorrow I’ll trim-down to “Summer beard”. I don’t know. It might draw my face too much. But… We’ll see (said Mama). – DEAR GAD IT’S BLOODY HOT AND HUMID! – 53 to 32 to 16 is the plan. Certainly no need to hurry…
21:25 :
21.05 E4 In at 17.19. Proofed a few more pages. E1(CrackO1) came in. It doesn’t bathe. It “pit-paints” with deodorant! Reeks of deodorant and the funk the deodorant should eliminate but can’t any longer. Me? I have to laugh, silently. CrackO2(David) is directly across. Serves him too right. Justice. Meanwhile, I cleaned the bottom lip of my locker, coated it with that “One Drop” odour killer. It “sort of” works. But the stench of 1 is nuclear. Alas. – Washed my t-shirt. It’s almost dry. Had I known, I’d’ve done my work scrubs. But there’s tomorrow. Maybe I’ll get to storage for a little “Gain” softener… fresh scent… on clothes, in room. – Waiting for bed-check. E2 radio on. Baseball. WFAN. EVERY BLOODY NIGHT! How much baseball happens? – When I signed, E3 in the room. Asked if I work tomorrow, when’s my day off. I think my 5am alarm bugs him/them. If so… YAY ME! HAPPY DANCE. – Apparently Schmulik was “engaged” this evening… Baths. A msg. “working 9in.” when I texted. Too bad for him. I enjoyed my bus ride. 2 women got on the Q32 in Manhattan. One (the older… approx. early 60′s) spoke French with a PERFECT American accent. DISgusTING! The younger asked “Are tomorrow the pharmacie open?” The language was good to hear. VT! Here come I! – HOTHOTHOT again tonight! Fuk! It’ll never stop! – E3′s at the bangbang. But the milk cartons are gone! – Oh, Earlier, CrackO1 comes in, removes t-shirt, gives it some shakes, laughs to itself. Hasn’t really spoken to anyone. Come to think of it… neither have I. Hmpf. Too bad. – Enough. A little Twitter and tonight’s attempt at SOME sleep. I’m showered and ready to toss the day.

SUN. 10/07/2011 at 09:29 :
9.17 HoBe SHIT! The stench in the room was acrid last night! The “One Drop” worked pretty well. But I keep getting that tickle in the throat, waking to coughing fits. As I proof the earlier journal I see it’s to be expected. With the mice in the bldg. and room, it’s to be expected all the more. But CrockO2 put the radio volume down and off at just before 24.00.- This morning I was on the 6.13 M15. After a LOCAL A ALL THE WAY, got to work 7.45! Mr. was showered, eating breakfast. Mrs. whining. She didn’t HAVE to bathe him, nor make breakfast. Not my prob. But THEN… the “walking” thing. Mr. and I went round the block… with 4 stops for rest. I’m bloody tired, hungry, want a coffee. These people expect I should give my life. FUKDATSHIT. OK? – 9.52 Mrs. is mopping the floors. Can’t do that when I’m not here? Oh well. Not going to be concerned. Not worth it. – Somebody on Twitter: god took my parents, I don’t want to survive. Familiar? – Trying not to nod… Mrs. here until noon!
18:35 :
18.29 AT ABOUT 18.23 I GOT GOOGLE-MAPPED AT 34th/7th. In scrubs. Flattering. – And now I’m on the M34. Fabric softener, dryer sheets, 3 packs of cigs, Dial soap, no money. La-dee-fukking-dah. I should NOT have shopped Rockaway. But the cigs were 1$ off. – Want(need?) to wash these scrubs tonight. Good thing I’ve softener… STENCHO in E1. – Just need a shower and sleep tonight.

MON. 11/07/2011 at 08:09 :
7.57 HoBe CLEAN SCRUBS YAY! The licker is full of Gain dryer sheets and smelling fresh. Santiago came by last evening… 2 Camels… the “old days” return. I wonder: a) What do these others make of me and my “connections” to the staff around here and (b) Do they think I might be a “plant” to follow them? Do they ponder that I might actually be on the staff, posing as a Client to watch and report? Is this what keeps me segregated to a point? Well, I’m presently communicating with no-one in the room and happy about that. I’ve really nothing to communicate about and much of my own business to attend to. – It was a delightful Sunday: WBAI Old Radio Shows night. I wonder: David’s such an arse most of the time yet enjoys something as cerebral as BAI Golden Age of Radio. SCHIZ! – Stencho came in late (Sunday night). GADDAM the boy stinks! The whole room fills with pits-funk! And the schmatzing! GOTS T’GO! But my laundry and dryer sheets saved me. My little area is like my own little room. Fuk the rest of ‘em. – By about 21.30 I was down for the night. Bed-check and…
08:16 :
8.10 This morning I was at the bus-stop 6.08.How nice to put on clean scrubs. (Now to do something about beard/moustache… in time). Connections were great. – There’s a guy on Twitter, going through a tough time. I commented yesterday about “God”, “Nature”, inner strength, &c. I was certain I’d be thrashed. But this morning “Everybody follow… He’s been to Hell and back and stays positive.” This guy’s sorrows hurt me so deeply I wanted to howl, sob, vomit. My legs went weak. I’m capable of too much empathy. But how well I do feel. It’s really rather frightening. – Mr. is awake. I NEED to shit. No time. Here we go.
15:41 :
15.26 Q21 to TheRock. HOT! DEAR GRACE, IT’S HOT! HUMID! MISERABLE! And at the last minute? BULL-SHIT! He decides he’s NOT going to let me change him. A battle. Now Mrs. is stuck with him. But the COC trusts me. So does Mrs. Even the neighbour across the ave. says the daughter & son-in-law speak highly. OK. Good. I NEED THIS SPOT FOR AT LEAST THIS MONTH! – Now? P.O. Then to “create” docs for the “paper-jerks” at the Dung-Heap on Wed. AND to get to correcting this journal. – I’m wondering about “DrHall2011″. His depression is too close to my heart. This morning I had to fight-back a genuine sob. I know, too well, that pain. – BC 15.37. I should be simply going “home”. I’m simply going to Rockaway. FukU Denise Ortega! – This morning, some NewAge freak, TV, says it’s healthier to “forgive”, “let go”. NO! It would be healthier to BEAT’N’THRASH those who are responsible. Or… get away from it all… away… away. – 15.41 TheRock.
17:46 :
17.44 Q22 No pay advice! I asked “Mei” about the route of Tilden mail. She didn’t understand the question. Then DISMISSED me: “Goodbye.” BITCH! Typical RockPark.
18:16 :
18.00 Q35 to TheJct. I’m cutting it close this evening. – Well. I’ll help relieve Ms. “Mei” of her employment miseries and think if this (and the increased box rent) as more “incentive” to get to VT. – In the parking lot behind the laundrymat: “Stop that texting!” SEAN (Baxters)! Looking good. He’s fed-up with the way B116 is going. “Your old place…” (RPH) “is a half-way.” Drugs on B116. “Mental” on B114. RockPark’s finished. – He leaves, CHUNG (RiteAid)! And the guy in the wheel-chair from RPH! – I meet my “neighbours” now that I’m no longer here. O JUST FUKME. It hurts a bit but better is to come. I keep reminding me of that. – PenLib. Immed. PC. First 2 “chapters” are corrected. 17 more pages printed. All of 8539266 is in Word.doc on Flash. And now I’m trying for 45mins at MMLib for more correcting. – 18.11 Tilden. I should be on the beach… with iced vodka and sandwiches. I SHOULD be “gone”, “departed”, “dead”. (and the little bastard-baby across the aisle … piece of miscarriage). Hazy evening and VERY HOT/HUMID! It’s going to be REAL HELL at 30th tonight. – 18.15 Brooklyn.
20:40 :
20.30 E4 Had to pass on MMLib. Was on the Dyre train at 19.11. A tad too late. Caught the M16 at 34th! Entry went fine. Chatted with a “security” guard. Relatively empty lift. Only CrackO in when I arr’d at 19.19. Radio on. Not baseball! A brown paper towel wadded, on my locker. I brushed it to the floor and went about my business in silence. A cigarette butt in front of my locker. I kicked it out. CrackO gets up. Radio off. Leaves. I change. Proof more. – It’s miserably hot and humid in here! Too dark to read. TWO mice skittering about the floor. One’s juvie. Cute. Had I not finished 4 PopTarts I’d’ve given them a bit. Would serve the others right. – 20.37. Sign-in. Shower. (Sleep? Doubtful.) – Tomorrow I HAVE to print “docs” for Khenkina! PenLib/SIBL. It’s supposed to be HOTTER than today! – I’ve had a tickle in my throat for over a week now. Fishermen’s cough drops not helping. Now what!? FukMeFerSher.

TUE. 12/07/2011 at 08:14 :
7.55 HoBe Floors dusted. – Last night was tough. I kept moving along when I got in and just kept moving, doing… something. Signed. Showered. The shit began. Glen Williams (1) with the klik-klak-of-the-tongue shit, David Hall (2) with the radio-shit at mid-night, Guillermo Cruz (3) with the bang-bang-locker shit. The symphony carried on into the night. And I was drenched in sweat most of it. 30deg. in the cell. – Spictrash in the halls. Stafftrash in the halls. And the full moon isn’t yet here. (I’ve been seeing the moon the past 2 nights and wishing I could be in the Bakfort again.) – This morning I made NO effort to be quiet. I can’t match the noise of the others but I do what I can to wake them at 5. Fukkem! – OUT by 6. – DrHall2011Twitter is going through some tough spot. He’s actually my diversion from my own shit. And proofing this journal is teaching me TOMES on pulling back so as not to harm me. – THEN* a voice-mail: Evelyn Greenberg. Beth will be taking them up to CT (how lovely) and will be glad to bring my “possessions” (I don’t currently “possess” them Dear) back… to Rockaway. As much as I’d like to just forget them, THEY’RE MINE AND I WANT THEM! So now I MUST remember where and what. Will send a printable e-mail of inventory/location so there won’t be too much confusion. (ALthough, there’ll be Drama. I’ve no doubt. OK. – 8.10 HIT. HUMID. I’m tired. No “hard” work today simply because I’m too tired. – Must ponder tomorrow’s pending tardiness. To tell or not to tell? That is the quandary. – Must move. Dozing. Not looking forward to Mr. this morning but will NOT bust me over this. – NEEDED a bm on the train. Good now. My guts… DAMN!
13:51 :
13.42 A thought: I’d like to think that DHS caseworkers are so nasty because they’re burnt-out from dealing with foul-mouthed degenerates who have no ambition, no talents and feeble brains over a period of time. But I must say that, having given the notion much careful consideration I believe, with my “all” that they are, in fact, discontented malcontents, impotent beyond imagination, incapable of any independent thought process, whose main purpose is to ensure the continued failure of those who are stupid enough to seek any sort of positive aid or assistance from them. They’re consumed with and by such bitterness and hatred of and for any and all humanity that they actually derive great joy and pleasure in manipulating all persons, aware and unaware if their purpose to the point of exhaustion, frustration and pain. (Case-workers and, in great part, Social-workers as well.)

WED. 13/07/2011 at 07:13 :
6.53 The “Lounge” on 5. Temperature must be in the 30s. Windows closed. No fan. No ventilation. Dick-head slamming metal garbage can lid. 8 of us “waiting”. The “animaspics” yapping away. And I’m already in a sweat. – This morning, SOMETHING had taken to sleeping in my t-shirt, in the locker, over-night! It bolted when I moved the shirt. As I was getting ready to leave the room, a “water-bug” (American cockroach), on the door-frame! Some 7,5-8cm! I’m HOPING what was in my shirt was a mouse and NOT THAT! – Last night I emptied the locker when I got in. Smelled like something died in there! All those dryer sheets, the odour-killer and still… Of course, Glen Williams (1) doesn’t make things better. WOAH! THE STENCH! NASTY FUNK! and tongue-clicking. FUK! I keep thinking of how I’m short EVERY DAMNED BLOODY WEEK on time/pay because of this shit-hole-dung-heap. But… I WILL get out of here, out of NY, and NOT MORE THAN 1 week past MY dead-line of 31 July. I will NOT spend the coming birthday in here! NOT NOT NOT! – 7.05 The perspiration just clings. The air is completely still. – Oh! *Last evening: Entry into the bldg. was quick. I waited for the lift… it stayed on each floor from 4 up to… I took the stairs. At 4, the masses were descending. “Fire drill”, so they said. Back down 4 flights! On 1st floor NOBODY knew WRF was going on! Just word “Nobody can use the elevator.” Some shit-head says “It’s broke. I dunno.” About 5 mins. later? We (6 or 7 of us) get in, ride up. NOTHING! It’s so bloody typical of this bloodyfukkin mess. NOBODY KNOWS ANYTHING! But… It is… what it is… brain-dead. It WAS a psychiatric hospital, dedicated to the severe cases… it still is… and the severe cases are now… the paid staff. – I should be in HoBe or at least S.Ozone right now. I’m in this cesspool… not happy. BUT… I’m “compliant”… and charming. FTW.
11:09 :
10.51 HoBe Clocked-in 9.52. Rang Mrs. then Spvsr. See? I KNEW: 10.00! At 10.58 Mrs. comes over. Calm. Understanding. BUT… I LOOSE TWO BLOODY HOURS! THAT’S NOT THE WORST! Khenkina: The sign-in list doesn’t get posted until 8.11. I’m second. She takes the 1st at 8.16-8.24. LATE! Me? She doesn’t understand the papers I submitted, the copier doesn’t work, SHE TELLS ME I COULD HAVE COME ON SUNDAY! But my meal tkt? Expired TODAY! “That doesn’t matter.” says she. WTF? If the meal tkt expires I can’t get into the bldg! NO F…NG CLUE! – Well… I’m here. The day passes. And I’m out TWO GODDAMNED HOURS’ PAY… TO BE DEDUCTED FROM/SHOWN ON NEXT PAPERWORK… DOCUMENTED… THERE, HERE & TWITTER! FUK ME? I FUK BACK!
20:50 :
20.45 E4 30bloodydegrees in here! – The day: Worked to 17.00 No “lost time”. – An hour at SIBL… Registred with Westaff and Spherion, Burlington. – Got in about 20.15 to a note on the bed. Khenkina wants to see me on… SUNDAY r/t housing. SUNDAY! – Washed t-shirt, socks. – Ate 4 PopTarts. – Now Da(rse)vid is blasting his bloody radio… blues. Shit! Albert Green shit. – SWEATING! – Hoping for SLEEP tonight, fuk.

THU. 14/07/2011 at 14:07 :
13.44 HoBe After a nice cooling shower last night, it turned-out OK. The radio was almost a blessing; OK music to drown the tongue-clicks of Glen. Glen may have bathed because the funk wasn’t too heavy. I didn’t sweat after the shower. So… alright then. The only interruption was bed-check. WHY the fuk they feel they MUST throw on the light and SCREAM “BED-CHECK!” when it’s OBVIOUS that we’re asleep… Well, they’re inconsiderate, inhuman, disrespectful and generally useless other-wise. Morons and/or monkeys. – This morning, my alarm woke D(arse)vid who kicked the wall and slapped his legs. Maybe the waterbug from yesterday got to him. Would serve him right… eating dinner at 21.45 every night. Food all over the damned place. Let the bugs be comfy in his bed. – This morning: a small bm before shower and a rush out the door to COOL BREEZES AND LOW HUMIDITY! AT LONG LAST! Would’ve been PERFECT for the beach (fukme). The transit connections were good and I got to work by just past 7.30. But I NEEDED to shit and Mrs. was in! She made breakfast for Mr. and left. I shat. HooRAY! Then off to the dentist: a walk across the street and back. Sat out front a while before lunch. – OH! Rang MelaniePIC r/t yesterday. Good thing! Says she: I’d take care of it when it came up.” FukU dear! Take care of it NOW! – Meanwhile: BELINDAUSA (Twtr) HAS “RAIN”! WILL TRY TO SEND Mp3 VIA E-MAIL! I HOPE! I’ve found some EVER- SO-VERY GREAT people on Twtr (in spite of what Schmulik says). Very blessed, I am. – And now, at 14.00 Mr. needs a change. I’m planning some e-mail, journal work at PenLib then JobSearch at SIBL (this phone is fukkin with me! Damnit!) this evening. Tomorrow: PO for M.O. for TD to pay-off the balance, get papers for Sunday’s song’n’dance with Khenkina and a new (fukkingphoneshit) MetroCard (monthly probably… The money’s not coming in well enough, may have to stall the move… I HOPE NOT!!!)
at 17:29 :
17.23 Holland. Waiting for the shuttle. My bowels are finally emptying… in “shifts”. HAD to go before leaving PenLib. Could have still been there. But, I’m “moving” at last! – 30mins wasted trying to find Dorothy Morrison “Rain”. Cyndi Mack, I pray you contract incurable leprosy! You piece-of-shit! Amen. – Now to SIBL and more job-hunting. – Tomorrow will be VERY BUSY! – Oh. And I stink: piss’n’powder. Fukme!
21:12 :
20.58 FUUUUUK! GlE1n is SO BLOODY “RIPE”! And steady with the schmatzing! Same shit who, just last night, slammed his locker and said “Excuse me fellas.” Moron. Filthy moron. (And Guillermo3 just asked it if it wanted apple-sauce and it said “No, thank you.” Funky bastard. – D(arse)vid just slammed into the foot of my bed. TURN A FUKKING LIGHT ON BUTT-HEAD! OK. Next. – So I applied to Adecco this evening. Makes 3 agencies. – I’m sick about tomorrow’s pay. 200$ isn’t going to cover ANYTHING! But if I gross 300, taxes bring it down! I’m tired of working for SHIT! And if I lost that Thursday! Dept. of Labour and anybody who’ll get me MY money! I’ll stretch my “stay” to 15 Aug. But I’ll do it kicking, screaming and killing. – Washed a T and unders. Gain on the T. Smells good. – SOMETHING IN THIS ROOM! The cough only happens in here. Funkarse? No doubt. – 28deg. in here and delightfully cool out tonight. I’ve showered. I’m sweating. And the pig who coughs, chokes, nose-blows and such is at the basins again. WTF is it that makes them believe they MUST make LOUD noises? Oh get me the bloody fuk as far away from here as possible… SOON AND QYICKLY AND ETERNALLY! – How I LOATHE NY!

FRI. 15/07/2011 at 21:33 :
21.10 E4 TD IS IN THE BLACK AGAIN! AT LONG LAST! OK! HAPPY DANCE! (How I wish I could… dance.) – Last night I went comatose. The frosting on PopTarts. I wonder if I could kill my-self with sugar. – LouieDrHall in Twtr got a REAL “session” this morning. Poor guy. 22 and so depressed: family deaths and such. I need to stop the empathy though… or get paid. But… It’s “the way I am”. – Out of sorts because of the sugar, a bit buzzing when I got to work… and HAD to shit! So… of course, Mr. was having breakfast, Mrs. didn’t have to be next door so “I” got deferred. HOWever… Mrs. asked me to go to the druggist (CVS) AND I accomplished my money order at the HoBe PO and my cigs at RiteAid! Errands accomplished! The rest of the day? *I* did Mr.’s meds. Had to call Melanie to inquire ad to whether or not service would be terminated on the 17th per a lettre rec’d. The bitch said she had no such notice and “kindly call the nurse”. OK Melanie. And fuk you too. – Busy but good busy. Next thing I knew, 15.00. BOLT! Q53 to PenLib to print “statements” for Sunday/Khenkina. (My original files got fukked in the PC! Did them over.) BelindaTwtr sent “Rain” as an Mp3! I got it on the Flash but CAN’T get it on the iPod! SOOO CLOSE! Sent e-mail to Schmulik. Now… we wait. – KEY FOOD! Coffee! PopTarts. Rolls! (emptied coffee into zip-bag in the parking lot) and off on the train (where I shoved roast beef down… SO BLOODY HUNGRY!!!) to TD on Park. – DEPOSIT MADE! ALMOST LOST MY DEBIT CARD. AN EMPLOYEE SAW IT AND KNEW IT WAS MINE! We got talking banquing. He’s from Chase! How funny. But it was a delight. – I tried calling CustSvce but the hold was too long. BUT TD’s HIRING! MAYBE VT? I SHALL INVESTIGATE. – Quick-easy in tonight. Smacko1 must’ve bathed! Goodgahd! Tho he’s steady into the snacking. FUK SHOOT IT! He’s LOUD tonight. – And I’m showered. Tomorrow? Up at 5… OUT TO TILDEN!

SAT. 16/07/2011 at 07:18 :
7.15 M15 to 59 Q32. Slept quite well but my guts are trying to kill me this morning. Figures. Day off. Beach. Sick.
20:43 :
20.21 E4 (Old jazz on the radio. Not too bad.) Was ON the beach at 10.28! Stopped at the P.O… NOTHING! Postal Inspectors time. I need pay-stubs! The P.O. wants to make MY life difficult? OK. We play. – Waldbaums: Focaccia, turkey, yoghurt, V8 (for here), Gatorade, Hostess cupcakes (8… just ate the last 2). Stopped at a picnic table in Tilden. Yoghurt for breakfast (and my guts) (mustadun the trick). To CW4/5. Relatively empty. Gorgeous! Cool breeze. Low humidity. And I got a couple swims in! Well, 5 hours? The beach is going quite Gay. An older couple, laying beside each-other gave each-other a little kiss. ROMANTIQUE! and CUTE! (And I get Tilden Gay just as I’m ready to LEAVE. My life’s story. Just like Restoring Downing and… POUF! Gone.) – Left at about 15.30 or so. Fit in a 413 behind 13. AT LOOOOOONG LAST! – 22 to the shuttle/A to storage. Some young guy sitting in over-head sitting on a chair, head-phones, “backing-up files”. OK. Well. I got the 2010 1040 for Khenkina tomorrow. (It won’t be good enough. You wait.) – A to 34th. M16 to the Dung-heap. – Washed T-shirt, trunks, socks, kippa. – Now for sign-in and tomorrow? ANOTHER BLOODYFUKKING EARLY DAY: Bloody Khenkina at 8. But I’m outta here anyway: beach or… Can’t stay in here all day. (Those days are NOT these days.) – Quite “coloured” from the time on the beach. Not painful… yet. – A NOTE: My left fore-arm breaks-out and itches… when I’m here or when I’m in my way here. I wonder… bugs in here? Or just “a reaction”. – PS. Last night the radio went off AFTER bed-check but at the end of the game. (It’s in. D(arse)vid is out some-where.) – SIGN-IN! 20.41! SHOWER! – OH! MTA BUS ANNOUNCEMENT M16, time: 19hundred hours! AT LAST! 24hour clock!

SUN. 17/07/2011 at 09:44 :
9.37 M15 to 59th: Pardon me but… FUKU MetroPCS and Huawei cheap pieces of shit! – OK. My guts are knotted (yes, again). Woke at 5.30. Casual coffee, 2 tiny bm’s (acrid!). Shower. 5th Fl. by 7.30. I’m proofing in quiet when I hear: “Pardon me brother but I was sitting there.” (Steve) I calmly looked up and said “YOU were sitting HERE?” “Yeah.” I offered to let him sit on my lap. SCARED THE CRAP OIT OF THE OTHERS SITTING THERE. We got a good chuckle out of it.
10:58 :
10.41 Q32 64/3 So Steve’s kinda messing with his job. But y’know… it was expected. He was just that much “too good” at the start. Still, beer and all, I hope good things and better days come to him. – I was 4th on the CW list and was out by about 9.00! I tend to think Khenkina really does have my best interest in mind. But… trust? Nah. I completed the “Housing” app. She gave me a MealTkt through the 31st! Bless her. So now we’ll see who usurps her authority, fux her round about (and me too). ONE at least… – Up to get beach stuff, make peanut butter/frosting sandwiches. E3 asked about my day off. A little chatty. D(arse)vid? Gospel on the radio… in bed! Useless. Last night… OH OH OH LAST NIGHT!!! D(arse)vid gets up at about 23.00, flips on the light, rummages through his locker. Light out. THEN arsE1 gets to thumpbanging HIS shit! I quietly sat up in bed: “Excuse me. Will you be doing that until like 3.00 in the morning?” “No suh.” “Thank you.”… I hear a soft “Bitch.” But that ended it. I slept, prepared to BATTLE! None came. – 10.54 QnsBlvd/42ndSt. Hungry but afraid to eat. And not too sure why I’m bothering to go to Tilden at this hour. Got some adhesive at HomeDepot 59thSt. Will try to “fix” sneakers. – I’m exhausted. This phone’s fukking about. Ciao.
19:56 :
19.41 14thSt. Bus. Parking lot! TRAFFIC! – Wow! A really good, GOOD day! In spite of getting to the beach at 14.00 and having to go to CW6 (Kessler is 7). – Got the Q32 at 59th. The Q53 (PACKED AND MOBBED AND REFUGEES FROM END TO END!) to B116. Waldbaums for beverages and rice cakes (to stop the trots). I’m “browsing” the Gatorade when I hear “What are you doing here?” SULLY! WOW! SULLY! We TALKED… Tilden, NPS, the history, the present, the works! Suddenly, I was in no rush. It was SULLY! – Off to the Q35… Tilden. Took the table by the old P.O. Glue on the sneakers, finished my pbutter/frosting sandwiches, coffee. Off to the ShoreRd. Beach PACKED up to CW5! CW6 not too bad. But how strange to swim out there. I’ve never done before. One real swim in. Not bad at all. And I see where Bay1 is these days… TILDEN! – Cool breezes. DElightful. I actually slept from about 15.28-16.40! – No “wash” tho. I left, salted. Took a trip by the FreshPond. No beach plumbs yet. Out via RangerRd. NO RAA! YAY! – Q22 to Gaston where… the bloody MTA’s changing the signs! “B67 Arverne By The Fukking Sea! (Tried to take a pic of the old signage but this piece of shit phone fukked about.) Yes. Time to let go… leave. There’s nothing left to hold on to. – (IrvingPl. 19.56)
21:37 :
21.24 E4 MOVE! JUST MOVE! DON’T STOP! MOVE! The rice-cakes and Gatorade stopped me. But went through. – 1&2 in bed at 20.21… probably all day. – I “sorted” wash, signed-in (2 floors signing on the 6th tonight. Why? WTF?), did the t, trunks, socks, them me. – D(arse)vid’s got a 21.00 game on, but relatively low (or I’m getting used to this shit). Glennie’s reclining, tongue-clicking. But with the BOTH of them, they’ll start at 22.30 no doubt. – My ONE, SOLE, SINGULAR, SOLITARY HOPE… STRENGTH… VT! With-out it, I’m done. – A Note: French on 59th this morning. French on the beach. French at the Gaston station. French on the bus this evening. A message? Preparation? – 2 PopTarts. I want a quick smoke. No sense resting til “BED CHECK”! And tonight we have the Hise niggr with the superior attitude. Ah… Sunday. Tomorrow… back to WORK!

MON. 18/07/2011 at 08:53 :
8.43 Last night, bed-check was a knock on the door, followed by not-too-bad. I slept. Did NOT want to get out of bed! – By 6.00 I was on the stairs and on my way. At the bus stop, I needed a loo! Held tight… Doze-snoozed all the way to RockBlvd! I’m bloody tired! – Q53, empty and buzzing. – At the house: He was awake! (I used the loo… frosting through. Mrs. came in as I was finishing with my toilet.) Mrs. prepped breakfast. Mr. had a dump in the drawers. I’m in no mood but got it all done. – The grandkids are here!!! Not feeling well. One vomited this morning. Mrs. left. Went next door (laundry). I shall NOT “baby-sit. – I’m nodding here. – BUT TD’s fine and I’m ok. The sneakers? We’ll see when the rains come but they appear to be fair.
15:59 :
15.46 Q21 OK then. Had a little “incident” this morning. Washed it. Butt… it’s the idea. Don’t know when or where. Butt, clean now. – The family was ill. They’d a BBQ yesterday. Kids in the house this morning. – THEN… Mr. IS GOING INTO HOSPITAL TONIGHT. DAUGHTER HOPING HE’LL BE BACK THURSDAY! HERE WE GO… FUKME TIME! GODDAMNIT! I CAN’T AFFORD THIS SHIT! Rang Ramdai since I can’t trust Marlene. Ramdai not in! FUKME! So I’m looking at 2,25$ tomorrow… AND probably a trip into HoBe for… the trip. I CANNOT STAY IN THAT SHELTER! Even til 8.00. The beach? No. Too much beach. Maybe job-hunts. I NEED to apply to TD anyway. Maybe this is an omen: GO NOW! We’ll see. – En route (15.57 Rock.B96) to PO. PenLib. – Had turkey/mozzarella sandwich. Mrs. said “take”. When I’ve no refridge. My “life”. – Well? Well.
19:26 :
19.18 S.Channel I HAVE TO PEE! I’M THIRSTY! AND… PIC sent the WRONG pay statement, I spent TWO HOURS on-line at PenLib for almost nothing, iTunes is fukkedup, I have to wash my work scrubs, a storm is coming, the air is actually WET, AND I have to go back to that Dung-heap, AND NO WORK TOMORROW… AND I have to WAIT for a bloody A! It ALL comes crashing at once. Time for a break-down. I want a DRINK… MARTINI! VODKA! SOMETHING!

19/07/2011 at 22:13 (Edit)
21.45 E4 29deg! No breeze again tonight. And D(arse)vid’s been smoking his shitcigs again. But tonight there’s TWO Febreeze air freshners in the locker (with “tones” of eucalyptus… mmmm…). Hopefully to dissuade the little mouse (confirmed this morning when it bolted again and then scurried about the loo, out into the hall and into the “ELECT ROOM” (6W-91) across the hall). This as I woke on time, left at 6.30! – Scrubs, made it to HoBe by about 8. Rang Mrs. E. Mr. went to LIJ at 21.00 last night. I rang PIC. “Leave.” Mrs. told me “Go home. Make your coffee. Take the jello, pineapple, what-ever you want.” Imagine? “Go home.” So, I went, made coffee, ate the pastries, did the dishes, made the house nice. – Rang Ramdai for more work. She knows this case is good and encouraged me to hold it and dismiss Marlene. OK. – Left. – Q35 to Waldbaums for Tribute Park lunch: 2 Fage with half tin peaches. I DROPPED the can and LOST half! Stupid me. But I ate well. – Shuttle to PenLib. iTunes is FUKDUP! The addresse doesn’t “verify” any more! – (22.01 O FUKKINJOLLY! NEW BLOODY E1. White. Black polo. Khakis. Kinda “CaleeFornya” but I’m NOT “fond”. No luggage. No linens. No clue. But I don’t “feel” it’s going to be “good”. Well… IT HAD BETTER BATHE AND NOT BANG INTO THE NIGHT! Or smoke in the dorm. Fuk.) – So as for iTunes? I’m on a Twitter rage! I’m PISSED! 2 “Live Chats” with Apple and “Tim” tells me to fill in the on-line form (did). A POBox is no good. “Jamie” says it takes 48 hours. I tried B116, B169, RBB. Didn’t match the banque. FUK! And the deposit cleared! – Call from RockBeach PO about RockPark. Nice woman. – To RiteAid. Cigs and air freshners. Walked with Chung to Q35. I went to Target: XXL ZipLock, gallon ZipLock. – Miserable trains to The City! – SIBL for 45mins on the iPod. NO iTunes! – To the Dung-heap. Radioboy. – Washed beach towel, pillow case. Cool shower. – 22.11 Radio on. E3 stirring. Air at bed smells nice (Fukdem). And I must try for a nap before our new E1 begins with the bangbang tonight.

20/07/2011 at 06:31 (Edit)
6.26 34/1st Bowels want to burst, HOT, and the bloody stylus for this phone is probably on thr damned floor… a bad start. . very bad start. – Off to storage. I’d prrfer death.
06:35 (Edit)
Something pressing on my bladder. – Using my pen for this. – At 21.00 last night, call fm Evelyn: my things are in Rockaway… Beth. No Kessler’s rye. Figures… Beth. Now to figure how to get it all fm Bayswater to S.Ozone… in this heat. – Just let the bowels hold til storage!
12:49 (Edit)
12.37 Q35 from TheJct. These are the days to push even sane men over the edge! I keep inhaling saliva, choking and sneezing. It’s because my brain is shutting-down. I’ve reached the edge and am teetering. Admittedly. Even to the point of pondering going for help. – The stylus for this shit-phone may or may not be on the floor in the dorm at the shelter. I’m using the spare… Got it this morning when I went to storage to put some papers back, get pay stubs, get the Ikea tote (for the things that Beth now has). Left there at about 8.25. Headed to BklynCenLib directly via Rockaway. 5min wait for 30min PC. iTunes is fukked beyond belief! Fuck them. Fuck Apple. Fukitall! – One quick potty at Target. A quick stop at RiteAid and at 12.45 I’m ONLY at Floyd Bennet! In scrubs (they’re cooler I’m sure). – It bothers me that BETH now has my things. – I sent a curt e-mail to Schmulik about his fucking “Apple/Mac”. – I’m SO tired of being SO tired! – Working my bloofyfukking BALLS off for about 79$ to my name. I’m fed-up. Really. – MP Br. HAZY! Disgusting. – Now to PenLib and MORE FUKKUPS for the day.
20:55 (Edit)
20.40 E4 Almost immediate PC at PenLib. Spent the hour proofing. Then to the 53, 35, immediate 5 and SIBL. Coded a table for images and proofed to pg45! 44 more to go. Then comes the remainder. – Left SIBL about 19.00. TD to see about address change. I BLOODY FORGOT TO COPY PAY STUBS FOR KHENKINA so tomorrow I’ve that much MORE to do! And nobody on the floor at TD so THAT TOO TOMORROW! – Rang Beth r/t “stuff” as she called it. SHE DIESN’T KNOW WHERE HOWARD BEACH IS! And FUK can she be simole. She wants to meet at an addresse. I suggested Waldbaums on CrossBay BUT… She wants me to call NEXT MONDAY 20.00. I’ll suggest LibertyAv. SHIT! It’s the least she can do for all I did for her parents. Fuk. – Rang Daniella r/t Carmine. She told me nothing. No answer at Mrs. number. – M34. Strolled down to Dungheap. In fine. – E1 packed and left tonight. Here we go again! E3′s glad he’s gone. Me? Hey. He’s White… but truthfully, there was something I didn’t like. But… NO REST AGAIN TONIGHT! &Oh. E1 brought about 4 HUGE pcs. luggage! THE WHOLE HOUSE! (My storage is a blessung.) – I’m pissed. 1,5 weeks til AUGUST! I BLOODYFUKKING NEED MINEY AND I’M BEGINNING TO CONIVE. I DON’T WANT 3 FUKKING MONTHS IN HERE! – 20.53 and the HallSpics get to shouting… accompanied by E3. – Sign-in. Shower. – I’ve eaten 1 Cadbury, 1 Coke, 4 rice cakes, 4PopTarts all day. NOT GOOD.

21/07/2011 at 10:43 (Edit)
10.34 M34 to SIBL: Begin…
30th/1st. – M15 to 42nd/1st. – M42 to GCT. – Nr.7 to 61st/Woodside. – Q53 to LibertyAv. – Storage to return stylus. Close call “incident” (not gas). Emergency stop I-HOP LOO! – Q53 to Metropolitan. Staples. Copy pay statemrnts. – Q53 to QueensBlvd. – M.train to RooseveltAv. F.train to 63rd/Lex. – M15 to 30th/2nd. – Walk to 30th/1st. – Walk up to 5th Floor. – PEACE OCHIAGA RECOGNISED ME! WONDERFULLY WARM GREETING! Got Khenkina from her office. I handed her the envelope with copies. – Walk down to street. – 30th/1st. – Walk to 34th/1st. – M34 to SIBL. – 10.43 M34 Park/34th.
12:22 (Edit)
12.09 (It took til 12.13 to get this bloody page!( Q32 to JacksonHts… I passed an hour at SIBL, charging this phone, noting images on all the printed-proofed journal pages. Plan: Q53 to TheRock, PenLib. (I’m so damned HUNGRY right now… and thirsty). – Q22/53 to Waldbaums for a quick yoghurt lunch and water. – Q35 to TheJct. – Nr.5 to 14th/UnionSq. – Nr.6 to 33rd/Park. – Walk to SIBL until 20.00. – M16/34 back to where this all began. – 12.20 at 53rd/MadAv. I’m tired. Gee. I wonder why. Am in scrubs. But I’m in air conditioning. IT’S SO HOT, HUMID, DAMP!
12:59 (Edit)
12.55 IMMEDIATE CONECTION TO THE Q53! (38-19 69thSt./Roosevelt: Lucho’s, Gay Sports Bar?) – I’m SO SO SO BLOODY HUNGRY! I can FEEL my sugar’s low. But… we’re movin’ here people.
16:18 (Edit)
16.08 Q35 to TheJct. Got my hour at PenLib. Images are going on! – NASTY e-mail fm Schmulik. Suggested I phone Apple. A “polite” call. “I don’t need aggravation either.” OK. You won’t get any from me. CUT. FINE. The iPod will cover my monetary investment and hospiality. Even. – Q22 to Waldbaums. 2 Fage, peaches, tin of coffee. GaryPIC has a 4hx5d HoBe. I rang Mrs.E. Mr. got 3rd xfusion this morning. All’s well with him. Probably back on week-end. But I’ve screwed me before by holding-out. I’ll call Gary, see if I can take his case temp. I’m about to be screwed again, no matter what. – Now back to SIBL to continue with this journal. – SHIT! It’s been a day!
21:36 (Edit)
21.12 E4 The thermometre says 31,5. My body says 40 easy! I’ve just come from a cold shower and must say that if I hadn’t showered in COLD water, I’d soon be rushed out of here in collapse. My body will NOT take much more if this heat. I’m feeling it right into the marrow: pain, spasms, cramps. I pray only for death. – Meanwhile, the trip from PenLib went… the Nr.5 at TheJct became a Nr.2. I got off at Franklin. (E1′s just come in. Clean bed, floor… but another Locker-banger. Oh well fuk. And all chummy with D(arse)vid. Jolly, that.) The Nr.4 was there but wouldn’t make the connection! Conductor saw the 4 of us waiting, and one guy holding one door. Nasty bastard. So a 5 came along in moments. UnionSq. to a PACKED Nr.6. (Whilst waiting, a youngish Black man speaks. CNA looking for work! Getting paid 8$/hr! SHIT! And not enough hours! So mych for CNA! It’s ALL just WRONG!). Meanwhile… immediate PC at SIBL (in AIR CONDITIONING!). Many IMAGES are on the “Monogram” pages! A bit more work needed and lots more proofing. The proofed text has to be placed and the formatting needs tweeking. But… PROGRESS! – Stayed a while longer (AIR CONDITIONING) then left at about 19.30. – Lengthy wait for M34. But nice people. – Walked to 30th. Zipped in. WALKED THE 6 FLIGHTS… SLOWLY! – Washed unders. Was sweat-drenched! – Signed-in. Showered. – 21.29 The air is moving a little. E1′s a “Lights On” shit. AND A BLOODYFUKKING LOCKER-BANGER LIKE ALL SHIT! FUK! SLAMMING! FOR NO FUKKING REASON. Shame… must be a terribly small penis. Time… I’ve a feeling I’ll be “jumping” too soon again. I’d like better weather to enjoy my death. And that’s what it’s looking like lately… just time to check out of here. – A note: E1,3 Black, LOUD. E1 locker. E2 radio. E3 PuertoRican. Not too loud. A bit considerate and respectful. But not silent and not too clean. Just a note. – I think I’m peeling: back and scalp.

22/07/2011 at 06:23 (Edit)
6.21 M42 D(arse)vid up and down until almost 1.00 this morning. Lights on. Lights off. Lights on. E1 in and out. Locker-banging. And me? Up at 4.30.
07:48 (Edit)
7.26 GrandArmyPlaza. The heat and fatigue are beginning to take hold. And with 90mins before BkCenLib opens! I’m about bitter-hateful just now. About 3,5-4hrs sleep… Sleep? NOT! Between the sweating and the chatting and the smoking and the locker-banging and the lights on and the lights off… Sleep? Oh no! Not me. – But I had a some-what good “dump” in GCT before getting on the train. Just enough to make this morning a “Non-Emergency”. So OK for me on that! – Grabbed the Nr.7 at Bryant to TimesSq. Nr.2. Fatigue? I was thinking “Flatbush to the B41 to the library”. The 2 comes directly here! Fatigue? – I need a place to lie down and SLEEP! (And an iced coffee would be grand. I’ve got a tenner in .y bag that I’m holding on to for dear life… I don’t even have a “dear life”. I wonder what Union Temple would say if I asked to nap in there. – Plan was: go directly to Tilden this morning. BUT it’s just SO HOT! Considered HomeDepot for canvas, as cover on the beach. But 11-16$ on something to be used so infrequently? I should think not. So “auto-pilot” brought me here. – If I close my eyes right now I’ll drift right off… and the time is moving SO slowly! – I have the “beach stuff” with me. The sheet needs to be washed. But I just might toss it into storage at some point during the day. – Oops. Dozed a moment there. – Breaking a sweat here, just sitting! The air is still. Company. Black woman. No chatting. Too hot. Too tired. – Oh, E1 asked about outlet (electrical) last night and D(arse)vid told him “There’s 2 right there.” My bed of course. When I got in last evening D(arse)vid had his phone plugged in… on the floor. Fukkim. – Let’s see who… I forget what I was about to enter something. Forgot what it was. I keep dozing! Twitter time.
11.26 BkCenLib RUSHING! I’ve got to be in HoBe on a case by 14.00! – I got the iTunes fixed and down-loaded more! – 350-plus deposited today! I have to get to the PO and transfer to TD! – TD addresse corrected! It was all because of the 950 on the PO Box addresse! – I haven’t eaten. I’m SO hungry! – AND I’ve put ALL the images into the September Journal notes! – OK! I gots to get outta here!

22/07/2011 at 18:21 (Edit)
18.12 Q5 back to the Dung-heap. – WHAT a day! iTunes galore! Hours in PenLib. THE HEAT! 37 bloody degrees! SWEAT! I actually HAD to remove the scrub top. – The patient? Fukked-up. Old couple. Neither is mobile. Neither very pleasant. Dark place… closed. Dreary. She’d arranged with Danielle that somebody would be there at 13.00. Gary told me 14.00. Well. In spite of WALKING from the HoBe PO (TD MO!) and arriving SOAKED in sweat, I was “released”. No regrets. And 2hrs pay. – Carmine may come home tonight! WORK! MONEY! YEAH! – Out of Tilden with Moby. “So this is good-bye…” across Marine Park Bridge. Goodnight Jamaica Bay.
21:28 (Edit)
21.05 E4 and 34,5degrees in here! – E1: Jorge Lopez. Engineer. Cuban. Standing in the doorway when I went to do my nightly wash. “You work?” “Yup.” “Respect to you.” Imagine? AND he gave D(arse)vid a bit if a go at 6.30 when the radio came on. Got “security” involved. Was told to get earphones. (The damned thing’s on now… he’s walking in and out.) Jorge even noted it’s disrespectful to Guillermo(3) “The old man with one arm”. So now we wait’n’see. As I thought in the cool shower ‘You don’t need friends in here but you surely don’t need enemies”. – Did I mention today’s “meal”? A Portuguese roll, 2 pks Buddig turkey (77cents ea.) (Waldbaums!) made on top of the carts, eaten as I waited for the 21bus. I was so dehydrated I had all to do to swallow! Lemon pie. Not bad. Tinned Starbucks. Gatorade. En route to the “patient”. – Just had PopTarts. – It’s so HOT in here. I was OK right after the shower but even the motion of my fingers journalling is making me sweat! This is just WRING all round. – Tonight, Guillermo was chatty. Asthmatic. And feeling the heat. Suggested we can sleep in the “Cooling Room”… sitting on a chair. Well… I’ve slept in worse I suppose. – I put the PopTarts wrapper on the floor and a mouse just went for it. It gives me ideas… for crumbs by the “crumb”. Nothing further to say. – EVEN THE AIR/BREEZE IS HOT! Guil. says it got to 101F. Wrong. Just wrong. – Waiting for bed-check. Hoping for SLEEP! Trying to figure out and travel for morning. Libs open at 10. I want to be out by 6/30. – 21.27 The smoke detector is blinking little green lights. OK D(arse)vid… light up tonight.

23/07/2011 at 07:14 (Edit)
7.05 34th/1st MY GUTS WANT TO BURST! WHY? I can sit for 20mins on the bowl for nothing. BUT walk OUT the door and BANG! – COLD shower this morning. Refreshing. And now the sweat begins. – Up at 1.00 this morning with leg cramps. Cold shower and back to bed. It’s getting me. It’s getting me. – Tempthingie here says 84F. More like 84C. – Bowels churn. I’m thirsty. Even the breeze is hitting my guts. – Was thinking Q32 to storage. Might be cross-town to Penn for the loo and the A. Why are there no public loos in this hell-hole city? WHY?
08:06 (Edit)
8.00 Gigi’s 34/Park/Mad saved me. NOT Beth Israel. NOT DuaneReade… who told me to go to Gigi’s. THANK YOU GIGI’s! – It must be the s’mores PopTarts. They attack. – Beard trimmed shorter this morning. Long time it hasn’t been trimmed short. – Now to Q53, storage, PenLib. – I’m in scrubs again.
19:42 (Edit)
19.14 E4 It’s 34 at JFK. 34 in this trap. And, for the first time all day, I’m drenched with sweat. – Woke at 5 after a semi-fitful night. I got some sleep but not much. HEAT! mostly. Jorge never came in. Now I wonder… Please, no more changes. He spoke. He’s clean. (There’s a large moth flying about.) He appears harmless. He hates D(arse)vid’s radio (how can y’ not luv that?). Please, no more changes. – OK. So, this morning I trimmed the beard closer. I won’t trim it down this time because it shows how terribly drawn my face is. I look utterly disgusting. (Although everybody, incl. Jorge LopezE1 takes me for being in my 40′s. I dunno.) I think it feels “cleaner”. Don’t know. Can’t really care anymore. – Out. Stroll to 34th, still rather uncertain what to do with the day. But I was in scrubs. They’re cooler, easier to wash, give the impression I’m off to work. At the bus stop? BOWELS! I decided to ignore. Got to Madison, decided Q32. A trip to storage, put my beach stuff in. I’ll have little beach time, have been schlepping it for no reason. It’s time to clear the locker anyway. I don’t wear “clothes”. No sense having them here. Little by little, most will go. – At Mad/5th? THE CRAMP! I HAD TO GO! At 7.00 on Saturday morning. So I slowly strolled east on 34th. No loo at DunkinDonuts. BethIsrael wouldn’t oblige (not open until 8!). DuaneReade told me to go to “the restaurant”. I found “Gigi’s”. Tables! I humbly asked to use the loo. THEY obliged. JUST IN TIME! It’s the damned PopTarts! One boom and done. A “lighter” return to the bus stop. On we went. – Great connect to Q53… almost EMPTY! YAY! – At storage: NO LIFTS! ConEd cut-back on the power. (OK. Yes. We’re not Equatorial and this DAMNED HEAT is taking its toll.) Thankfully my little bag was nothing. I walked. Borrowed a steps for the quickest moment and was done. Potty stop. Out. – At the Compare Mkt. 2 melon Gatorades, 2 tins tropical fruit for “meal”. I wanted light in yhis heat. – Q53… PenLib just past 10.00. Good timing! – I iTuned for a while…
20:01 (Edit)
Got more images on this journal. In general… I lingered… in the AIR CONDITIONING! – Left hesitantly. A quick 22bus to B116. Stroll to TribPark. “Meal” at high tide! Figures. High tide and me NOT at the beach! As the folks type: FML. – I took the train into The City. No Nr.5 service. S.L.O.W.! I actually SLEPT on the A! F at Jay. D at 14th. S.L.O.W. BUT… Strolled over to and made it to SIBL by about 15.30! Few iTunes. Another hour on-line… THE BORDER SKETCHES ARE DONE! Now to correct text, insert a few images. Bingo! I can die… the story will remain. – Phone call: CARMINE’S HOME! (So why the fuck have I not been contacted by PIC?) BACK TO WORK! (I completed the Dept.OfLabour complaint today.) – M16 at 18.00back to this shit-box. D(arse)vid in (of course), radio on (of course). I got “comfy”, hand-washed the beach-sheet. It’s on the locker. Washed water/coffee bottles. Made coffee. – Am on the bed, scrub bottoms only. DRENCHED WITH SWEAT! – A note: I brought the fresh sheet in, put it on the locker, D(arse)vid commences farting! Crackhead shit! – The air is moving! Not an actual “breeze” but I can HOPE. – Nodding here at 20.08
20:12 (Edit)
20.09 PS: My locker was a little roach nest! And my freshly-washed scrubs bottoms have gunk on them. I come in early to remind why I shouldn’t. This place IS HELL (and just as hot too).

24/07/2011 at 08:34 (Edit)
8.15 Mad/42 Q32 at 8.32 Jorge left last night! SHIT! Here we go again. What’s with E1? The cursed bed in the room. I wonder: Seems each room has 1 bed that keeps turning over. Who died a merciless death in that spot over the hx of Bellevue? What soul lingers there in Hell? I have to wonder. And now? I dread what’s to come in the middle of tonight. – I almost lost it last night: D(arse)vid with the lights & radio. I asked: Do I disturb you when I wake at 4.30 in the morning? “No.” Do I disturb you when I get ready for work? “No.” Do you hear me leave at 5.30-6.00? & “No.”. OK then. Just wondering. The light stayed on, radio too. The old man’s brain-dead. Then, the light goes off, he lights a cigarette! – This morning, my bed & pillow SOAKED! It’s all beginning to smell sour from sweat. MUCH to wash now. But the sheet I’d washed last night was delightfully dry. It goes to storage this morning. – I sorted the locker. Surprisingly not much in there. I’m prepping to relocate… middle of the night or (PLEASE!) out the door to VT. SOON-SOON TO VT! PLEASE! OH PLEASE! – M15 to 42. 42 to GCT. Non-emergency bm. Here I am. – Possibility of rain today. I’ll HAVE to change shoes. BOTH of the Adidas have holes in the soles & I don’t have enough bags to cover my feet. DAFUK indeed. – 8.29 Q32! If some woman didn’t get off I’d’ve missed it. Not paying attention. Only 2 of us on here. Sweet. – I’m in scrubs again. Please call me & send me to Carmine this morning! I NEED the income… NOW! NOW! NOW! – MMLib open 10-18.00. BkCen 13-17.00. I’m “plotting”. Storage first. Then?… My existence: Then?
08:45 (Edit)
8.35 500 Park/Banerj 1st fl. is now TD! Imagine? – I’d posted on Twtr that the old man tried for 16yrs to kill me. Some dumfuk replied: ‘Many of us were verbally or physically abused leading to depression, instability and homelessness.’ FACT: My prob? TRUST! I “TRUST” too many, too much. And I get SO PAINFULLY FUKKED. (Note: NOT ANY LONGER. NOT EVER AGAIN.) – I just can’t get past Beth: Grows up in Glendale/F.H. Lives in Bayswater and asks ME “Where’s Howard Beach?” No wonder she went “Black-hat’. Mindless twit! I have to ring her tomorrow. I’ll arrange to meet at PenLib, get my things, have done with it. Sever and walk away. – 8.44 QUEENS BLVD! OPEN SPACE AND NOT THE CITY!
09:21 (Edit)
9.20 WoodhavenBlvd. I’m concerned: Over-cast. My bowels are calm. DOOM!
11:18 (Edit)
11.12 A to TheRock. AZZIZ! was at storage. They tossed him! Put him in a hotel, bastard “security” picked a fight talkin’ he’s going to fuk A’s Mother. OK. Done. (CW? Peace!) But he’s rebounding. “We” do that. – Now? Me? Waldbaums for “meal”. I need food. BkCen for 30mins. MMLib until 18.00. I need to WASH MY SHEETS TONIGHT! – Then… tomorrow…
20:04 (Edit)
19.37 E4 WASH! Sheet, pillow case, t-shirt. OK! Beard trimmed. Coffee made. O,OK. Made up for totally wasted time at MMLib. – And it’s down to 30deg. – The day? The day: I fell back to sleep until almost 6 this morning. Bust’n’bolt.. for no real reason. M15 to 42nd. A stop at GCT loo, just because it’s the thing to do in the morning. A stroll to Mad. Q32. Quick connect to Q53. Storage. – Storage: Right there, in the aisle, AZIZ! It’s been a while. He’d been placed in a “hotel” with room-mate. They had to give the key to a “security guard” when they left. One evening, as the story goes, he argued with “sec” who then suggested he’d (sec) fuk Aziz’s Mum, sister and daughter. A. did what people will do in such a case: popped the guy who then made a MAJOR incident of it. Major police involvement. A.’s been “sanctioned”… tossed out! How long? Unknown. His CW? Peace! We both agree, she’s the rare one who actually takes interest. But nobody seems to know the particulars about the “sanction”. Peace told him to lay low… somebody’s out to get him. (Darsevid with the bloody cigarette! And my laundry out! Wet! I NEED to addresse this… but with whom? I wonder if Jorge got transferred because he bitched. Fuk.) Moving right along, it was terrific seeing Aziz. But he kept yawning. He’s working. Nights I believe. WORKING! Great guy. – I left at about 9.45. Thought of going to BkCen. Decided on Rockaway and food. So, train to Waldbaums for a fresh fruit bowl (5$), 2 yoghurts, coffee, Gatorade. Matt Monohan in the market. He and Helene got a place at B117/TheBlvd. Studio. 900$/mo. all incl. (Thanks for thinking of me… trash.) – Tribute Park for meal. Cloudy and still HOT! Right through the clouds! – As I was waiting to cross BCD, “toot”! Geoff. He waved. I waved. I wonder how word will go round… I’m still here. Fuk them. Fuk Penelope. That’s all. – Q35. WILLIE! YAY! But I dozed during the run to TheJct. But we quick-chatted at the end. – Nr.2 to Atlantic to the D. Off to MMLib. WELL! NO PLACE TO PLUG IN THE iPOD! (cont…)
20:21 (Edit)
(20.16 I had SO MUCH journalled. GONE! I’m falling asleep.

25/07/2011 at 07:57 (Edit)
Sun.24July2011 Cont. at 7.34 Mon.25July at HoBe (Estremo) So, at MMLib I reserved a PC with 45min wait. Took a seat, 4th fl. by the window. NO AIR CONDITIONING! NO FAN! MISERABLY HOT! And the WiFi (down-load more iTunes) was shit! Just horrid. I sat, sweating. – PC? Bad key-board. Non-functioning mouse. I got to Twitter, bitched about the PC and conditions, to NYPL and Bloomberg, cut the damned session. WORTHLESS! Had to use the loo: 3rd fl. 2 guys in sep. stalls, chatting. The place stunk! The one free stall was FILTHY. Up to 5th fl. 2 Homeless. One doing his wash in the basin. Floor covered in urine(?). I super-padded the bowl. I HAD to go. (Heat cramps are killing me!). Couldn’t wait to leave! And only about 16.25. – At Bryant Park, a message from Marilyn E.: I rang. Carmine’s home, can I come tomorrow? I rang back. Of course! (3 reasons: 1)It gets me out of The Shelter with destination and purpose… 2)Endears me to the fam. job longevity… 3)See if PIC fux me over by sending somebody else, as I expect them to do.) Settled. But nit one mention of “psy” so I’ll be brutally fukd with this one. Still, I won’t be in Shelter and WILL be in a HOME! – Staples on 40th/6th. Copied pay statements. Not good. 2 of them averages 200$/week. I’ll be losing FS now… “FML” as ’tis tweeted. Well. It’s done. – D to 34th. Figured I’d wash the sheet/pillow case anyway. On the train, a lovely young Black lady looking for the “train to Washington” (Penn). I don’t know why… I offered help. She’s from FRANCE! We spoke a bit of FRENCH! (Am I to re-acquaint for the move to VT? YES! I say YES!). I brought her right to the station. She was thankful. I had the time. – Jack’s 99cent! 4 cakes of Irish Spring, plastic case for phone&iPod, bottle of aspirin. Soap to kill “my” sour odour. Aspirin to thin the blood/heat. – M34 to Park. I thought I’d try for TD svgs. Nobody there. 2nd time. Alas. Maybe it’s not to be? – M16 to the Dung-Heap by about 18.00. Quick in. Lift up. I began… (cont…)
08:08 (Edit)
(Sun.24 cont.) Changed into yellow trunks. Grabbed bottom sheet, pillow case. WASH! Put them in locker to dry. T-shirt next. (Plastic bags on head-rail… hang t-shirt.) Trim beard. Make coffee. Ignore Darsevid. – Radio: Olde tyme radio followed by shiw tunes WBAI. He listens to progressive nostalgia and is SO BLOODY INCONSIDERATE! – Well, I tried to journal but kept nodding off! The heat, humidity, lack of sleep, concern about income, the move. ALL and more. – OK… signed-in. E1 “Unassigned”! Showered. Lie-down, wait for intrusions to come. – I think the 4 aspirins helped a bit. – Don’t know what hour: knock on the door. “Sorry fellas. E1.” Tall Black guy. Well dressed. Well spoken. Didn’t slambang the locker. Even apologised to me for putting on the light! (TOO GOOD! MAJOR TROUBLE COMING!). Darsevid woke, sat up, FINALLY turned the radio off! And in due course, all went quiet. – The end.
08:14 (Edit)
8.08 HoBe Arr’d 7.15. Up at 4.30. E1 gone already. Got me together. M15, 14, slept on (an old) A train almost SLL the way. -Weather in HoBe is DELIGHTFUL! The woman across the street spoke. Says the E.’s said they hope I stay on the case. Lou said “I’m so glad to hear your voice.” Carmine? Sleeping. – I’m quite tired. CRAMPS this morning. Just tiny bm. But I’m sitting in a comfy chair, fan on, in quiet, coffee done. I’m OK.
19:15 (Edit)
19.01 MMLib lexhaysred (EXHAUSTED!) OK? But I din’t want to go to the Dung-Heap yet and was hoping for an iTune or 2 (but the WiFi is F.U. again). Have to ring Beth at 20.00. Dreading that. I’m on the 5th floor, quiet but annoying (no WiFi… I wonder if they tracked my nasty tweets yesterday and associated to my card.) ANYway… 10hrs at Carmine’s at 10$/hr and Marilyn simply handed me 5 20′s no comments. It’s more than I’d’ve made on the books. AND the case is open AND I’m back to 7×7. – Right now I NEED FOOD! Only toast and ice cream (Ensure) all day. – WiFi won’t do iTunes. This phone is aggravating me. – QUIET NIGHT TONIGHT!

26/07/2011 at 06:07 (Edit)
6.04 M15 Schpritzie weather. Bustin’bowels. – Last night, no wash: clothes or me. In. Sign (5th fl.), schmooze with Steve. 2 aspirins. To bed. To… SLEEP!
06:17 (Edit)
6.13 M14 I didn’t hear E1 come in, the radio, bed-check! Woke “chilled” this morning. No cover. Chilled. Nice. But 2 trips to the loo and my guts are PAINFUL. I didn’t eat yesterday and only added Doritos en route. My body is just SO hateful. – Msg fm Beth: One word; my name; nothing more. Figures. The world. Bull-shit. – Well… just get me to HoBe… CLEAN!
07:35 (Edit)
7.18 HoBe Made it by 7. 6! SLEPT… I mean “SLEPT” all through Brooklyn. I barely recall seeing Nostrand. So… it’s back to the Riverdale Days… sleeping on the A train. (I HAVE to sleep… it’s the ONLY way to control my guts. If I’m awake, I’m in painful discomfort. BUT… when I got here, it was gas. Still, I can’t risk “more”.) This morning, C. will have French toast and I will have scrambled eggs. WE will have breakfast.) – I have to get coverage for Sunday. C’s hospital stay threw my “off” week-ends and I MUST see Khenkina THIS Sunday. MORE NECESSARY MONEY BEING STOLEN FROM ME… Courtesy of Dept. of Homeless Svces. But, logic/rational? It’s actually because I have a set date for myself to get finances and get out. It’s “me”, not the world. – Meanwhile, this business with Beth just pisses me the fuk off! “Where’s HoBe?” Dumbass. Really! And I’ll carry the brunt of the parcels (as usual). SHE has a car. BUT I don’t dare suggest S.Ozone/storage. Me? I’d deliver to the door if I had the car. But then, me? I’m “Schmuck o’ the World”. And she? Oh! She’s “Orthodox” which means SHE does shit for the world. Well. That’s THEM. I’m just looking forward to closure… the end… buh-bye. Her parents had it VERY VERY well. But I wasn’t VERY VERY worth a couple bucks more. Now even their daughter… Engh, let it go. – C’s awake. I’m rather tired. I’m here. Clickedlin 7.18. On the time at 8. This is MY time now. I’m here… period.
21:41 (Edit)
21.25 E4 (radio going.no Darsevid) Quite the day. Crmn was in delightful spirits. Talkative. Showered. ATE ALL BKFST AND LUNCH! Went next-door at 14.30 for his birthday cake. A GREAT day! – I had 3-egg omlet w/cheese. Finished the “old” poundcake. I ATE! – Left 15.18 went to PenLib. No PC until… I’d gotten a couple iTunes whilst waiting for a PC and then, just as I get logged-on I hwar “Jdh”. Beth. Timing was incredible. She said she’d look for a book whilst I worked on the PC. Well… the PC wouldn’t allow the phone so I logged-off. (21.33 Darsevid smoking.) 3 large items: afghan, sleeping bag, pillows. “Toiletries (some are not mine), Bustello, vermouth. WTF? OK. Anyway… Beth was a bit hurried… Wouldn’t even offer a lift to storage. As I said as she left: bitch. But I got the 53 quickly, put all into storage and was out just about 17.30! RiteAid for cigs. To the A… The damned turnstile/gate thing jammed me! Stuck! I had to ask 2 TA cops for help. NO GODDAMNED TOKEN BOOTH! – 21.38 I had to take a HOT shower. Took aspirins. Need to try for sleep. (Now I lay me down to sleep and pray Darsevid lands in hospital… in pain.)
*Comment: I actually feel good about severing the connection w/Gbgs.

27/07/2011 at 07:58 (Edit)
7.41 HoBe Cont… 1st cop (female) was too busy with 2 Black kids who were just sitting there. “You gotta wait. I’m busy with this.” (Just open the damned gate, stupid bitch.) A male cop comes. WELL! The “Emergency” exit requires a KEY! (which he had). A KEY! For an “emergency” exit. Shows just how fukked NYC and the MTA truly are. – On the A to the L to the 6 to SIBL where… iTunes! Including “Blue Rodeo”, “Mavericks” and “Nek”! YEAH! MY music is coming back! And I left just before 20.00. The guard knows me so well: “Where have you been? I don’t see you long time.” (Gibons, MMLib, the folks at PenLib, this morning – Tues. – a bus driver on the Q11… Known… in 2 boros. Known… still…) – I got into the Dung-Heap. Ortiz at the entrance. “How’s it goin’?” Known… Darsevid’s radio. Dark room. I got right to changing, laundry, sign-in. – Tonight, E1 came IN AT bed-check. The idiot doing bed-check ALMOST wouldn’t let him sign! The fuk. But it went OK. I’m rather glad. E1′s relatively quiet, he’s clean. It splits the room again: Filth on one side, People on the other. – OH. And Darsevid turned the radio down! Imagine? – I put my head on the pillow… to end the day. – Odd though: I’m feeling so much better now that I’ve no ties to the Gbergs. It’s done. I’m “free of them”. Leaving makes me feel so much better. Odd. Schmulik said I allow people to take advantage, am offended when they do and then I sever connections. Maybe that’s something I need to work on? – Looking forward to “new music”.
08:04 (Edit)
7.58 This morning I woke 4.30. No BM. Cool shower. E1 left about 5.15. I think he works! How wonderful! (He also folds his mattress as I do… as I learned on the 7th floor.) Out on time to WAIT for the M15. WAIT! whilst my guts felt as if they needed to BURST! Just missed the M14. More waiting. More gut-churning. WAIT for the FarRock A… THEN? Sit and sleep all the way. I TRULY REALLY NEED to get OUT of NYC. – Slept well last night. Want more sleep now.
17:26 (Edit)
17.25 B98 WAITING… Wasted hour at PenLib. And my guts sre wrenched.
20:47 (Edit)
20.42 ALMOST 2 HOURS from Playland to SIBL! BUT… I got several Quebec iTunes! FRENCH MUSIC! at SIBL. I need to get back to proofing. – I NEED TO GET OUT OF NYC! – Good day over-all. And now, waiting to sign in whilst Darsevid (E2 fyi) SMOKES HIS CIGARETTE… IN HIS BED! – Hot. Sweaty. No laundry. Nothing to eat. I’m SO tired. – E-mail from Belinda! – My eyes are closing.

28/07/2011 at 06:15 (Edit)
6.08 34th/1st “Life”, “being”… curses when the very thing you hate most is your own body. When, EVERY day begins the VERY same way: wrenched, twisted, knotted, painful gut. Needing to “go” but unable until… it’s not possible (on the street, the bus, the train). EVERY day, no matter what. And you realise: it’s something YOU cannot control but something that controls YOU! Horrific! – I can’t enjoy the sun-rise, perfect temperature, the breeze… not even my music! My body wants to spew its contents… I want to spew…
06:24 (Edit)
6.19.M34 This morning:
-The floor in the loo is covered in urine. Sticky. Slippery. Urine. These freaks insist upon peeing on the floor. Why not on their bed? An older, Black man comes from a stall. He’s bare-foot!
– I used an expression not used in a long while; Go t’HELL! And I actually meant it. “Gimme one.” (a cigarette). “Go t’HELL!” I meant it.
07:52 (Edit)
7.43 HoBe WTF? and FML! Up at 4.30 to get here at 7.30. Even with a break-down to 1 bus/1 train. I NEED to get OUT of NYC! HATE!
Other-wise? Nek. Bruno Peletier. Paul Piche. WHAT a delightful way to begin… NO ENGLISH! (I’d journal in non-English but it would defeat the purpose.) – HOWever, I dread checking the balance in my chequing. I must STOP the music (purchases)(for a while).
Prune juice… let’s hope. Something else I “NEED”.
Oh… the things from CT? My “Zest” is missing. Whom-so-ever gathered threw in shit that isn’t mine and missed the “Zest” and a new bottle of shampoo. Me? I’m just cutting the whole thing off. Let them handle their affairs. The “books” are dreadfully off balance (not in my favour), but fukkit… fukkem.
20:57 (Edit)
20.41 E4 In the dark. Radio on WBAI, Black-bias programme. As if Obama’s done such a splendid job. – Speaking of which: The CDA$ is STRONGER AGAIN! Yesterday, I looked at Archambault. The US prices are higher! GO CANADA! – That said: It’s been a miserable day. NO BM! I’ve tried frosting, prune juice, pineapple… Nothing’s worked and this is day 3! NOT GOOD! To think the day begins with such “urge” and… nothing. I need to go on the streets. Would serve NYC right. – Work? Not terribly easy. Crmn had a bad day: no concentration, the legs didn’t want to work. (But I made 3 eggs for me, half tin tuna.) At 15.53 Maria asked if he wanted to go next-door. YUP! But I didn’t leave too late… earlier than usual in fact. – Storage for VitC. The locker needs to be PACKED! in normal fashion. – Then on to SIBL, where I iTuned more Quebec! I NEED, MUST, HAVE TO STOP THE MUSIC! Am spending TOO much! But am re-building for “English-free” mornings. I like THAT! – E-mail from PJ. BVT is looking better all the time. I just need the money! Even though he says the shelter’s better there. I don’t want to land with my hand out. I sent him a lengthy reply. He’s quite the blessing. – Stayed to almost 20.00. – I NEED to re-new my license! I paid the phone. Storage will be next. COSTING ME! – HOT in here AGAIN! Guillermo brought in the makings for balogna sandwiches. Nice gesture but I DO NEED roach spray. (Money flying all over!) – Sign-in. Quick shower. HOPE FOR SLEEP!

29/07/2011 at 07:47 (Edit)
7.38 HoBe It’s Friday. Rain. Cool temperatures. And last night was another OK night for sleep. HOWEVER… SOMETHING TUGGED AT MY TOWEL AS IT HUNG ON MY LOCKER! Something INSIDE, tugged through the bottom vent, enough to jiggle the lock. I took everything out of the lower and mid shelves (left side). Nothing. Then, from tge larger right side. Nothing. Now I wonder. It couldn’t be a bug. Too strong. Mouse? It didn’t bolt. Curious. Hmm… Time might tell and we shall see. – Today, day 4 no BM. I’m on the bowl here. Something wants out. But it won’t come. AND there’s stirring outside the door. GIVE ME ONE BLOODY BREAK! FUUUK!
08:06 (Edit)
EIGHTY.BLOODY.DOLLARS.AND.FIFTY.FUKKING.CENTS! to re-new the damned drivers’ license! WHEN, WHERE, HOW WILL IT EVER STOP? TRAPPED! I AM SO TRAPPED!
08:13 (Edit)
Last night, in the shower room, I spoke with the Dread-locks fm next door. Nice fellow. Questionable hx. But congenial. – This morning, as I waited for the lift, a fellow gets up behind me… Steve. Wednesday evening, he got busted for peeing in the subway! Bastards. Put the bloody loos back and people won’t do such things. So simple. – Anyway… he’s a nice guy that Steve. I some-what enjoy his company. – This morning we’re “moving” ever so slightly. My entire body feels this. – Crmn is asleep. The world is grey (rain stopped). Comfortably cool. The bratvermin from down-stairs are shrieking. And I want to NAP!
10:44 (Edit)
10.36 Shower, breakfast, dishes done. Maria cooked. I had oatmeal. Now I need to get it out. – 64,29 damned dollars! WTF? WHY do I bother? Tomorrow was supposed to be “OUT OF HERE”! WTF? Just WTF? Really. – The license can take FOUR bloody WEEKS to arrive. I want to write a lettre to TD.VT and the agencies. I have to print statements today. I HAVE to get car-fare. I’m becoming over-whelmed and fed-right-up. Angry. Pissed. Just… I really don’t know. AND it’s becoming humid again. Thinking Atropa.
17:19 (Edit)
17.15 Houston? At 17.00 we got MOVEMENT! At PenLib, where we also up-loaded images to the Journal (*PUT PHONE IN USB MODE*). Printed statements and VT JOBS. Now, with lighter gut yet churning bowels… SIBL (I hope) (am at Holland). – PS Yesterday’s pay-stub arrived today. Hmm…
21:25 (Edit)
21.06 E4 And the bowels move! – And the damned radio blares! And Guillermo3′s got a bloody super-market on his fukkung locker! 7 cartons of juice and a PARKAY TUB of something! Me? I’ve a locker full of roaches. Tomorrow? Roach spray comes in. – Got to SIBL at 19.00! Better? Closed… at 18.00! I forgot! And my guts had been CHURNING ALL THE WAY! I’d considered “dumping” out at BC. Being arrested would have been worth it. SO! I bombed into the Beth Israel Emergency Medical Clinic… they were so sweet! And I was SO relieved… truly. Chatted with the receptionist. She asked if I was with “the competition” (NYU). I lied, said yes. Who cares? I got the loo. – To Staples where I copied 3 pay-statements, FORGOT THE DEPT. of LABOUR FORM AGAIN and noticed I made a mistake on this week’s “statement” so I HAVE to go to Peninsula tomorrow! OK. No prob. – IT POURED! POURED! as I was coming out of Staples. M16 and on the East Side? Rain done. But it did NOTHING to bring the heat down… or the humidity. MISERABLE! – RiteAid for cigs. – Have washed work scrubs top and T-shirt (and under-drawers). Cool shower. – Have taken aspirin. Getting tired. Darsevid’s lowered the volume. Sunday will be my day to “mention – 21.24 Time for shut-eye. Alarms at 4.30 tomorrow. I just might knock me out.

30/07/2011 at 07:51 (Edit)
7.35 The sensation of impending bowel evacuation. Bloating. Painful bloating. (7.38 M15) Often, legs tremble because knees turn weak. Head throbs. Saliva floods the mouth. Rushes of heat, horrible heat, with drenching sweats. Cramps. The need to mouth-breathe. (7.42 The M42 pulled-away JUST as I arrived. I saw it crossing 1st Av. but just couldn’t run.) The panic of contemplating losing control. Clench? Worse. Relax? Worse. Jabbing cramps. Body trembles. Deep, slow breaths. Short, quick, shallow breaths. Sometimes pressing the tip of the tongue against the edge of a tooth relieves. Sometimes softly repeating “loh…loh…loh…”. None of it makes any sense. And the sensation of NEEDING to BLOW the bowels empty continues. I want to just let it go. Or I want to sit, with dignity, and empty my body. And the eyes throb. Head pounds. I want to sleep… just sleep. FATIGUE! God-awful FATIGUE! Closing my eyes helps. Sleep. Dozing helps. But nothing helps for long.
07:56 (Edit)
7.53 M42 “I didn’t want to pass you. But we gotta go to the bath-room in the hotel (Tudor!).” How sweet of her! How ironic. And here I sit, alone on the bus, engine off. at 42/2. HOW WELL I KNOW HER SITUATION! (Even now…)
08:13 (Edit)
8.02 A quick jaunt across Mad. and right into the Q32! Timing! And yet… my guts feel like circus balloons, twisted and knotted into animals and such. EVERY MORNING, no matter what, begins the same. – Last night Edward Hi(r)(n)es Jr. E1 was the only disturbance of sleep. Momentary and relatively quiet. This morning I snoozed over 3 alarms to wake at 5.30. A quick shave this morning. A cool shower. I’m in light jeans, chambray, “work” sneakers, kippa. FTW. Strange, clothes, not scrubs. – To: Staples (copy DOL docs), HomeDepot (roach spray), storage (why?), PenLib (statement print/job application). Later, SIBL. The world closes at 18.00 today. – GUTS, BE STILL.
08:38 (Edit)
8.35 Off the Q32 and ON THE Q53!
10:04 (Edit)
9.55 Q21 to PenLib. (1.) I had to “fix” the copier at Staples! Then made my copies. The machine didn’t registre any charges but… (2.) HomeDepot didn’t have the OneShot! (3.) This phone is fukking about. (4.) Twitter won’t let me post. – SATYRDAT(saturday)! FML! – Note however: I’ve no regrets about severing the Greenberg connections. I did SO MUCH MORE FOR them. It’s done. I owe nothing. – 29deg. already. Too hot (and, from the crowd on this local… too late) for tge beach. My plans are being fukked quite well. – Hungry. But the guts are still churning. Yup… fukked nicely. I SHOULD BE EN ROUTE TO VT NOW!
11:43 (Edit)
11.42 Shuttle. Roach spray on hands. Roast beef in tummy.
13.20 PenLib The statements are printed. This Journal is no further along. And the roach spray on my hands hasn’t killed me… yet.

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1. 8539266 said, on 31/07/2011 at 13:46 (Edit)
13.29 AqueductNoConduit for Saturday 30July11: Well. Indeed. HomeDeot didn’t have the roach spray so I went to TheRock. An early meal at TribPk. An entire plastic container of roast beef on 1 roll, tin of coffee, 2 little lemon pies. AND I got the roach stuff at Waldbaums… for less than they wanted at HomeDepot for the same product! So, at TribPk I filled the little spray bottle, spilling some on the ground and getting much on my hands. The label says the stuff works for a year! Must be potent… and on my hands! Oh well OK. – I got to PenLib. Did the statement for Khenkina. Then did a stop at storage to put up the remaining roach spray. – A to F to SIBL where I did more iTunes and tried to get in touch with Schmulik. I sent a text. He replied that he was about to leave work, could I wait? I thought he’d come to AIBL. Apparently I was mistaken. I said I’d wait for him until 18.00. He replied “That’s too late. Maybe next time.” Made no sense to me but I simply replied “right”. Write-off. He can’t be bothered… I simply WON’T. – No time on the PC and out. – I took the 6 down to UnionSq. where I got WiFi! And did Twtr on the iPod!
15:26 (Edit)
15.11 (Q35 to…?) Saturday continued: So, WiFi in UnionSq. was fun. I can’t use Twitter on the phone lately. Some msg. about being over the “limit”. I suspect it’s the msgs. about the MTA and Bloomberg. I just suspect. No prob. on the iPod or PC. Only the phone. Damned Nazis. – So, about 19.30 I strolled to 1stAv for the bus. Another day off… nothing. – At the Dung-Heap, rookies at the entrance. More little idiots. One tells, put the back-pack in a tub. OK. I go through and forget the tub. The idiot reminds me then the one behind the scanner wants to check the pack. OK. But they’re BOTH yipping like little dogs so I said “One of me. Two things to do. One at a time.” The fukker goes and OPENS MY PACK! (Bare-handed yet… UNprofessional). “What are you looking for? Tell me and I can make it easier for you.” “You have a pointy object.” “I have pens.” “What kind?” “Ball-point.” “Oh. OK.” Pass. (Dick-head.) – Fun tip-toeing past the “guard” at the lift. We joked “It’s sad if somebody has to sneak IN.” “You’re only going up there to your room.” “Yeah…” – In the room 20.00: Darsevid with radio. But he left AND I SPRAYED! And shithole3 has food ALL over the top of his locker. But the floor got a GOOD SPRAYING (and part of his locker).
17:48 (Edit)
17.38 UnionSquare (Saturday conclusion) So, the floor, lockers and wall got bug-blocked. – The heat in the room is HELLish! I washed my towel because it smelled awful! Signed-in. Darsevid actually turned the radio off! I was shitlessly amazed. And… it stayed off all night! – There was no bed-check but Edward Hires Jr. E1 took his time preparing for bed and E3 had to get uo and put the light out. Not a prob. I’d taken my 2 aspirins and a cool shower. – I speak with no-one these days. I’m up and out before they wake and come in, change, do a wash, sign-in and turn-in. Silence. 3 will ask “How are you?” (Your food’s going rotten moron!) “Another day.” I answer. 1 will give some brief greeting. I return. But no conversation. 2 seems to mutter something each time he passes to/from the door. I ignore him and the comment. Silence. I’ve nothing to say to sny of them. It’s much different… In-side, I knew it wouldn’t be D18… and… it’s not. And I don’t care.
18:09 (Edit)

SUNDAY.31July2011: 17.49 UnionSq.W. Hello Zuri. – WELL! I woke at almost 6.00 and pretty much took my time. But no BM again. We’re back to that. – Down to the 5th floor by 7.00 and only 3 of us waiting. At 8.05 a c.w. comes in but no Khenkina. Come to find out… no Khenkina! But I got a new meal-ticket until Thursday (if I put a 1 before the date it goes to Sunday… I purposely asked for Thursday for that reason). By 9.00 I was out! – M34 to Mad.Av. PakiParade Day! Go to 6thAv! I strolled… and got the F to JaySt. and the Lefferts A. OK. A Q21 to 157th. Waldbaums. 2 containers of ice cream for “the house”, my tinned coffee, pkg of Stella d’Oro cookies. I went to see Carmine. Lethargic for the most. I left te ice cream and chstted with him and the CHHA (nice guy) a bit. Next door to visit with Maria a while. At noon she pulled out tomato, olives, bagels, egg, told me to make lunch and she went next door! – We chatted for quite the while and she was her usual “inviting” self. I think she enjoys the company… We talked about her, Italy, planes, the old European “call the post office”… We chatted. Again today, it was TOO BLOODY HOT for the beach. When I left, got the train to Rock, the 35 to Tilden. FOUR peoole asking if the bus went to Tilden! Shit! – Used the loo. The guy before me made it unbearable! I strolled back to my clearing. 413! Unimpressive but accomplished. I left. – On B169th I hear a horn: Jose! Hand-shake. Where have I been? (Working 7days now). Off he went. – Q35 to TheJct. It was TOO w early to go back so I browsed in the comfort of Target. – Nr2 to BoroHall, R to here. – I can’t get ro Twitter! And can’t get U.Sq.WiFi! – But there’s shade and a breeze and I’m going to relocate to try for WiFi.
19:20 (Edit)
19.17 Time to leave USq. Twitter’s a mess and I’m pooped. And this is going on from the iPod! Woot?