Tue.1.Nov:
7.43 NorthStar42 Tap water coffee this morning. Things change, things remain the same. Schmulik said “You can go anywhere you want to but you take ‘you’ with you.” Well… here A I am. – The blinds are closed, but it appears to be a bit over-cast this North Country morning. But that’s as it should be. Today is Novembre. The Winter is upon us here. Winter… wedged between the Great Adirondacks to the West, and the “Home” Green Mountains to the East. I am, at last, in Vermont. A week already and it still feels very much like… well… certainly not much different from NY. – Honestly, I need to find work! Honestly, I took the past week to become familiar, with people and place. In the week I’ve met the nicest people and some who prove that , no matter where one goes, there are delightful and miserable people. This is the World. – Coffee’s kicking.
8.09 I really must note this morning: Although BTV is predominantly old “foot-pound”, my mind has gone back to metric. The weather Channel gives temperature in Farenheit and it either takes a while for it to make sense or it just becomes some sort of bizzare reference number. The brain’s gone back to Celcuis already. – Well, since I’m not looking forward to calling this dump my “Home” for any longer than until next Tuesday, it’s time to get into serious searching this morning. – Sunday’s skipped meals, yesterday’s “junk food” and last night’s hot dinner are now taking their toll. Gurgling stomach. Ah… how things, my body in particular, remain the same. None-the-less, it’s time to prep and head out into the Vermont morning. – Hopefully, thev”Flying Monkey” isn’t on staff this morning. (Already, there’s some-one I look forward to NOT seeing here. How quickly the “un-desireables” appear… No matter where one goes.)
21.45 NorthStar42 What a day what a day what a day! Just so unbelievable, almost incredible! I got a later stary than planned. Then looked at the wrong schedule to Williston so I gave up on that. I could have gone but, with the way it turned out? I’m glad that I didn’t go. – To begin, the temperature had to be at least 12-14 today and mostly clear skies! Warm and wnderful with just that Novembre chill some-where in the air. The kind of day that pulls at the mind and body until one finds one’s self IN it, surrounded BY it, shrouded WITH it. Just magnificent. – The stick-butt was on duty again this motning. I’d straightened the room for House-keeping but willNOT ask that one for it. Instead, I asked where to put trash & recyclables. All goes into the dumpster. She was pleasant enough… Only just. I dropped the garbage and went to the bus into BTV. It was a gorgeous day and I was not about to relinquish my right to it… KADIMA!
(23.21) The first stop was the VT Dept. of Labour. Danielle was just SO warm and welcoming, honestly there to offer help and listen. She even supplied me with a concrete lead!when I walked out of there I was super-charged! BTV has been doing that ever since I got here. It’s a remarkable feeling to be a Human-being and not just made to feel like burdensome baggage. – I strolled over Pearl toward Champlain and sat on a bench in Battery Park. Not my Mum’s Battery Park. This one gives no view of New Jersey, Statue of Liberty, Staten Island, ferries, steam ships, pretentious cruise liners. Instead, I gazed across Champlain and off to New York, from whence I’d come. But even that is made breath-takingly majestic… Here, across the waters rise the mighty Adirondacks! So stoic! So impressive! So awesome in the true sense of the word. With the warm sun reaching down through the thin North haze I sat in such Peace and comfort. Like a small child, I wanted to lay on the VT ground, wrap my-self in the Northern sun’s warmth, tempered by the North chill in the gently moving air and sleep… in such Peace… SUCH Peace. But today was not a day to drag through. There were responsibilities to be dealt with today. THIS IS NOT A HOLIDAY and I AM NOT GOING TO LOSE THIS Peace! Phone calls. One of those 2 calls brought yet ANOTHER lead! Free training! And my research shows: the institution offering the training is… right where I’d been… YESTERDAY! Almost across from Plattsburgh Av! I KNOW where to go and how to get ther already! This has become “Home” so rapidly! And, as an aside? The place is actually just North of … Woodlawn Road! OK? I mean; SHIT! How? Anyway, tomorrow I’m back to the library for TWO reasons: this one requires a CV snd cover lettre. The second reason… I sat and absorbed the sun and warmth for as long as I possibly could. Feeling so rejuvenated, so positive, so great, I recalled that PJ had said that Body Shop was looking for bi-lingual help. I decided to give it a shot. Kim, manageresse, was a delight to talk with and YES they are/she IS looking! She was so sweet and told me to get right on-line and put in my application! They’re looking for sales and management! And, I’m to understand that there are precious few locals who speak French and even then, none known who are American and speak Quebecoise! If based primarily on language, I can just about banque on this! I’m better than a child on Christmas morn! – The day was just about done but one more stop at… Frog Hollow. Sacrement! A shoppe full of local (Vermont) artists: painters, potters, sculptors, carvers, wood-workers, furnitute makers… and Charlotte, going to NYC on the week-end, took time to talk art and Vt and… She took time to talk! I’m inspired to get back to painting! LIFE! LIVING! Not simply “existing”. The “re-write” is being written,
23.20 I can’t believe I still have…WiFi just cut as I was about to say I can’t believe I still have it. Sporadic shit. Hopefully it’ll kick back in to post. – Meanwhile… On a down side, spending must stop today. I’ve enough to stay here for another 4 weeks. Then? The slam of Reality. I’m not yet “destitute”. But the focus now must be on necessities. – In day-light for a change, I boarded the bus for… Hannaford and FOOD! The market is the usual spacious, clean, well-stocked. A whole aisle of WINES! I bought a HUGE roll (mini loaf of bread), roast beef, mustard, V8. Nourishing! About 12$. and I was out in time to catch the next bus back to the NorthStar! – Here, a brief chat with Madame Happyattitude. She seemed… OK, not more. – I left my door open a while when I got in and then… FOOD! Half the bread, half the beef, loaded with mustard. DEElish! And the V8? Gone. A good meal tonight. PopTarts for dessert. A good meal tonight. I’m in good. – a 30minute nap. Some image searches for painting. Some Twitter. – 23.38 time for sleep now. 21deg. in here now. – One thing: On S Saturday, I posted 2 cards to me from the P.O. in BTV. I wonder where they are. I need them for my mailing addresse/POB! I hope this place doesn’t fuck around with that. Oh, I need a local phone number too but that involves a trip out to Montpelier… Mote travel! OK! – and now I wrap this entry and this BRILLIANT day! A new month, a new Life.

Wed.2.Nov:

***** MONDAY 24 OCTOBER 2011 ***** DETAILS RECALLED AND RECOUNTED *****
(As Burlington becomes “home”, some details of the previous week fade in memories. But so much of that very first day remains vivid… Monday, 24 Octobre 2011:) The terminal building is small, in comparison even to LGA. There was little trouble navigating, with one exception: baggage pick-up. One sign only, then no more. I looked for a stair-way or some other indication but there was none. Only the “exit”. At the news stand, I approached an older woman who, by hair-style and dress, some-how reminded me of Rolande. Her back was to me and she seemed engaged in some thought so I waited until she turned toward me, and turn she did, with a loud start! In my shock, I could only ask: Baggage check? “You have to go through the exit.” she replied. I thanked her and asked that she pardon me for having startled her then headed through the door, past a security guard who nodded and softly said “Hello.” – In the main area, the carousel, my duffle was the last on the conveyor… first in, last out I supposed. Or, searched thoroughly, I pondered. I retrieved it and began searching for PJ, based on a small photo received on my phone but no-one even closely resembled the person I’d expected there. I walked the length of the interior of the small building. I stepped out, through the door, into a bright, comfortable, Vermont after-noon. It was so calm, uncluttered, very few people. The air was clean. No dust. Just air. I stood still for a moment, looking round, and thought: I WILL make this my “Home”, up here, in the North, in a town un-seen, un-known, in a state that is not NY. Yes, I can and I will! And it made no difference whether I was met by any-one or not at that point. But, I strolled out-side, having a cigarette and looking. I checked for a message on the phone. PJ was en route but his message was time-stamped TWO hours before! Had he come and left? Was the time-stamp wrong? Was he still here? Would I simply find my own way around? Was I alone? I didn’t panic. I wasn’t angry. I was in VT, not at all too far from Plattsburgh. Not that Plattsburgh, across the Champlain and to the North could help me. But I wasn’t trapped or lost and there were people whom I could ask for assistance and the option of getting on the next flight back to NY and back to the Shelter, should that become necessary. There was no trouble at all. I was calm. I was intrigued. I checked for another message. One was there, with the info: wearing blue shirt, white stripes, black shoes. Well, something to work with. I strolled again. A man wearing a white shirt with blue stripes, black shoes. Nope. I decided to sit in one place for a while, and so, took a place, on a bench, lit a cigarette, to wait. – A bus pulled in. Burlington Circ. From my own research I knew it to be the “Circulator”. I’d done so much research that most of my surroundings were already familiar. The bus stopped, the door opened, several people got off, one of them wore… a blue shirt, white stripes, but he was considerably greyer than the man in the photo… It was, it had to be PJ. As I stood to ealk toward the bus, PJ looked about and entred the terminal building. Not wanting to yell, I followed in silence. I followed him into the building and through to the other end. Finally, he came toward me. All I could say was: If you’re not PJ… you’ll just have to forgive the hug. And so, the “in person” meeting was accomplished and I was in VT. We boarded the next “Circulator” out.

9.10 The sun has finally found my window. The day commences. Good morning New England.

Thu.3.Nov:
(1.42) What a day! (Yes, another great day in BTV) Spent almost 3 hours in Dept.ofLabour applying for 2 jobs. Helped an elder woman named Polly with her CV. Met PJ in town. We marched with Occupy up to UVM. We strolled Church whilst waiting for the bus. “Bienvenue Quebecois” stickers on shop windows! Walked from KMart. Back at 21.15. Ate. Went to the desk. Post cards arrived! POB tomorrow! Only thing left is 802 phone! – (Kathy, desk. Jessica, house-keeping. Kelly… Ms. Personality)
19.25 NorthStar Today, presence is “official”: 05402-0063! And depending on how I feel about it after a night’s sleep, tomorrow just might be an 802. The only real missing item?A job. A bi-lingual would be just too perfect. But after spending the ENTIRE day at DoL and finding, from some computer programme, that I have NO interest in or chance for ANYTHING in HealthCare, and that a course to get my LNA will cost ME 1000$, and having applied for 2 more jobs (one health, one bookkeeping)… well… Any day here is good. (even though my accounts are pretty low and most of the lowest is food money.) – 19.46 RAIN! I made it back befote the rain. OK! – And so, after all the DoL, I caught the bus to Hannaford. Turkey sandwich with chips and V8. PopTarts for dessert. And I treated me tonight: in VT form, I bought a 4-mini bottle “kit” of California Cabernet Sauvignon! Tonight, alone, I “solobrate”. – During my absence, the room got cleaned (Hoovered), fresh linens too. If the cigarette strnch would go… But let’s not push. – Tomorrow, hopefully, I’ll get out of here and into town, re-do my CV and hit more job applications. According to Janice at DoL, VT actually SEES applications, provided I stick with “local”. No chains. Right.

Fri.4.Nov:
8.26 NS And once again we sleep through alarms. This must cease. And I’ve got 3 weeks in which to get work… as long as I don’t eat. Well… it’s not as if I haven’t ever done that before. – Stayed up late last night, job searching. So I don’t feel too guilty. Did I find anything? No. But today, I’m off to take Janice’s recommendation: This is a new life, new place, new time… new me. The “old ways” obviously failed. Change. – Sinuses are making me crazy this morning. Chest, congested. Leaf mold? Perhaps. – A trip to Montreal is due. A visut to Plattsburgh as well. The North East Kingdom. Time to get to work toward those. – Oh, and last night? I figured how to put icons/short-cuts on the iPod AND how to re-arrange them. I did it on my oen! I still can figure technology out. I must keep that in mind. I’m still quite viable. And craparoo… there’s data entry at Teddy Bear coming open! As long as it pays the rent. I most certainly can do that! “All” is not lost and oyential lies just AT the horizon. – ?????
Continuing the Friday saga: I made it out and to DoL. As the bus pulled onto Cherry, down came what looked like those little styro-balls that are used in bean-bags or those tacky lawn inflatables! It wasn’t terribly cold today but Winter is coming to the North Country. – And so, I made a “Tech” CV and re-regustred with Adecco so on Monday, I can registre for a typing test, and hopefully get to work before it’s too late. Funds are now down to nothing but rent. No food or cigs. Just rent. Although PJ paints a much better picture of it all, Shelter is not something I want to experience here, in VT. I do not. – After the DoL I broke down… went to ATT for an 802 phone. PJ arrived just as I was buying it. The phone? MAJOR MISTAKE! Not only do I not like the phone, the coverage is absolute shit! Non-existent Internet IN the room! The voice? Echos! But before that discovery… -PJ and I strolled Church St. where we met “Ofr. Paul” I think his name was. From Bay Ridge! REALLY nice guy. Here for 21 years, I believe he said. Harley and high-shines. Incroyable! I’est, bien sûr, un homme qui j’trouve vraiement “Chaud” et pas juste avec uniforme. I’est tres gentil, sympa. He took the time to talk with us about the bike, crime, OWS, training. I’m still not sure if it was my iwn projection, but, after the talking and eye contact, he shook my hand! Too bad he mentioned raising a family. He didn’t say he had one. Just that BTV is a better place in which to do so. What-ever. I’ll certainly not put me in a place for disappointment. Still, it was a delight to talk with and listen to him and look into those eyes. He’s SO out of my league. – PJ and I stopped into Frog Hollow, browsed the art. After, “Uncommon Grounds”. I needed a coffee. PJ had nothing. I’d taken a 20 from the banque to cover coffee. I’ve neither business nor right to do so now. But it was for coffee… and later, donuts from the QuickStop… continued. I am exhausted.
It was getting dark by the time coffee was done. We’d talked about Mark and his “work” with the Homeless. Seems we agree on the point that he really does nothing “for” the Homeless. I actually compared him to Bradshaw! I say no more. We (PJ and I) discussed Occupy. He classifies himself as a major “Liberal” but I rather think he’s a bit more True Conservative than he’d be comfortable calling himself. Be that as it may, the conversation was good. After coffee, we walked up to the Old North End. The rumours are that it’s the “hard” side of town but the archutecture of the houses, even the Jomeless Transitional SRO, is beautiful! We parted at his destination. I walked N. Champlain to the bus. I know my way here already. I’m familiar with the place already. In its way, this IS “Home”. – Igot the 19.15 bus back. A quick stop at the Quick Stop Mobile for donuts. -In, a turkey sandwich. It’s going to be a while before I eat much again. – Twitter, searching for cell coverage, I decided to go “Grand Central”/GoogleVoice forbthe 802. Saturday, I’ll try. I can only hope, then return the damned ATT phone… and pay the 35$ re-stock fee. The service is that bad. – I’m journalinh on the iPod. Thank you Schmulik. I’m getting the late nught sinuses. Time for some sleep.

Sat.5.Nov:
21.33 NS42 Post and PHONE! This afternoon I got the 802 on Google AND the voice-mail messages on! Itbsaid it will ring on my MPCS phone if somebodybrings me. I’ve no way to check but I hope it will. The number is in North Troy, only seconds from the Border in the North East Kingdom! I wonder if that’s some kind of omen. In any event… this better help with the job-hunting. I NEED WORK NOW! NOW! – Got a very late start today. Didn’t get out until WELL after noon. And the weather was a quite balmy 9•. Met PJ at the library and we strolled for a short while. It was a shame to have wasted such a beautiful day. And yes, Church was quite busy with les Québécoises! We browsed Homeport. What a great store! I see where I’ll be buying house-wares. PJ was exceptionally tired today. We could have gotten busses back but he chose to walk. He claims he’s closer than I am. One of these days I’ll have to do the walk to Winooski to see for my-self. Meanwhile… we ran into Jessica at the bus. She tells that the eoman I’ve been speaking to in the office is the daughter of the owners AND SHE told Jessica that they’ve been ignoring me since I’ve been here and that I’ve been repeatedly asking for services! I’m SO happy I got to talk with Jessica to clear THAT up! I even hugged her for doing such a nice job cleaning. – Well. That just about covers the day. This evening’s “meal” was the pkg of donuts with peanut-butter and lemonade. Money’s gone. Cigs are down. But I got incense for here, 20 cones, 2$. Hopefully it’ll help change the odour. – Just watched “Grey’s Anatomy” en français and now, Téléjournal: Montréal is fucking itself again with demands that stores change their names to French. Second Cup, Spring, Fly and even American Apparel! Well, there goes more business, out the 401 and off to Ontario. They learned nothing in the 80,s. – Tonight I will be asleep by mid-night. Tomorrow, I will NOT be hanging in here if it’s another gorgeous day. – Somebody along the line here is bumping about like trash. Well, no place is Utopia and no place is quiet ALL the time. Eventually the animals will stir. Even this evening some idiot went after Jessica for smoking at the bus stn. and loudly! J. gave her what. Oh! An expression worth remembering:
C U Next Tuesday
And the neighbours are talking and I hear the mumbles. – About the phone: Refund less 35$ “re-stocking fee” with-in 30 days. But my 50$ is lost. So I’ll let them keep the bleating 50 but I’ll be in to give them a nice phone back and stick with MetroPCS. Hopefully it’ll work come the Winter.

Sun.6.Nov:
7.57 NS42 This morning, I woke refreshed from last night’s sleep after watching “Hocus Pocus” (amok, amok, amok). I opened the blinds on the back window to frost on the grass. But the temperature difference between Burlington and Plattsburgh is remarkable; Plattsburgh being some 4• lower! Fascinating. – Last night’s “dinner is playing havoc. A “lump” in my gut. Truly, a lump. Very uncomfortable, to say the least. This morning’s bm didn’t help. I wonder when and what it’ll be like when it “breaks”. I dread. – Another warm day to come. I think there’s a bus into town this morning. The library’s open at noon. I want to get out and enjoy the day and take in the Champlain and Adirondacks. I NEED to paint. I NEED to make an income, though this morning’s banque-check shows 3 weeks rent. Better than 2, worse than 4. – Daylight Savings is gone. – Tonnes of stuff coming from my sinuses. – I wonder if I’ll have another “Soloday” today.

Mon.7.Nov:
(2.19) Sunday 6 Nov: Walked into twon this afternoon. Left NS at 11.58, arrived BTV 13.03! Browsrd for a card for Khen. Kitch and crap. Have to make my own. – Met PJ at the Mall. Burger at Henry’s. – Left PJ to go to his visit. Walked back. Stopped at BelAire. Lovely reception but nothing weekly. BUT owner rang. Left msg… on the NEW N.Troy nr! It works! – Paid another wk. VT has the same 30-day law. I’ll probably be askrd to leave soon. No where to go. – Fifth Element tonight onSyFy. ROCH VOISINE on ch.22!
9.14 NS42 At about 5.00 this morning I woke… CRAMPS! Twice. To the loo each time. The nauseating, intense cramps. Peanut-butter? The burger at Henry’s? Stress? I just don’t really know. Maybe the emotional turmoil from actually watching Roch Voisine on TV? Or over-heating onthe walk to/from town. What-ever it was, there are still the remnant discomforts now. But there’s so much to accomplish today. No time for illness. No time. – I thought, yesterday and this morning: Leaving here is NOT an option. I WILL NOT LEAVE! I waited too many years to do this. I should hsve come here msny years ago. When I say that to others, the common response is “You’re here now.” Yes, indeed, I am. So NOW is the time to work with it and work to keep it. But all the while I think: going back to NY means going back to the Shelter now AND having to start with less than I have here. Now flat, no job, worsr prospects, more competition in an unrealistic job market. No; NYCis NOT in the “possible”. So now… time to decide on clothing. The temperatures are soaring back up into the teens… warm. I packed for Cold. Who knew? Amazing: Plattsburgh has had very cold nights. Much colder that herr and MTL. Interesting. And I wonder if any of the Gregorys are still there. See? I want to get to Plattsburgh and to Montreal. Ihave to do wgat I must to see that happen. Period.
23.13 NS42 Well, after a late start to the day again, I got to DoL and did the Adecco typing test…I’m pretty sure I bombed because I got a shit key-board. The psychprofile questions were ptetty good though so… – It was a solo-day but I don’t mind. PJ had business to attend. We both have to get used to one or both of us not being able to hang all day. – I just missed the 16.15 bus back. Then I waited for the 16.45but didn’t pay attention to the board where it indicated that the bus would leave from spot 4. It left… with-out me. I got the 17.15. Went to Subway, next door. Roast beef and all trimmings (a salad sandwich with beef) and sm. bag of chips: 6$. I ate it all, half at a time. I’m still hungry but… – I’ve really got the cold Sx tonight. Headache too now. The temperatute in here is 23,5• but I’m still chilled. Took a shower and Excedrin. Hopefully I’ll sleep this off over-night. Instill think it’s stress. – There’s a week’s tent in the account. When I return the ATT phone (tomorrow) there’ll be 2 weeks… and no food money. I might be dining with OWS. Imagine? Well, I’ve given. It’s not as if I’d simply be taking. – The 25th will be interesting. Thanksgiving. I don’t even know where I’ll be by then (and I’m not thinking about it now). Another “holiday”. This Friday is a holiday as well. Hmmm… – Went through the water-colours bag. I have card stock to make a card for Khenkina! Now all I need is peace of mind (and no dripping nose). – There’s a nasty red spot on my foot where the shelter ring-worm got me. This was a strong bout. Memories. (I wonder if I should ring TonyE1. I still have to incorpirate the photos into the shelter journal.) – Time to get under the blankets and hope for sleep and the end of these Sx.

Tue.8.Nov:
8.08 NS42 According to the iPod here, it’s 13• already in NYC! Going up to 20! 8• here and going up to 15! Incroyable pour le mois Novembre! I wonder what January and February will be like at this rate. But they will be here soon enough. Time is passing by quickly. – I slept with ch.22 on through the night and, as it was in years past, French returns. OK! – Nose is still drippy and eyes a bit watery. The window is open. Sun pours in. And it’s so nicely quiet. I just realised, this little room is like a little one-room bungalow in the woods… if I look only out the back. – Not terribly tired this morning. A little “run down”. But better than last night. I’d planned pn getting some pastries from the “Continental” breakfast but, we shall see. – Meanwhile, a warm day lies ahead. I eill be out there in it… in a Northern town.
21.47 NS42 SCREWED BY AT&T! Bastards! The lot! I returned the damned phone, in perfectly re-saleable condition. 35$ re-stocking fee, total loss of 50$ monthly charge AND THEY’RE SENDING MY REFUND IN CHEQUE! CHEQUE! Fukkers took my money IMMEDIATELY! FUK! I can’t even think about it now because every nerve in my being goes into RAGE, painful rage. – Spent another 3 hours in DoL; 1 with Janice who is a doll and truly helpful, 2 hours trying to re-re-re-write THREE CVs. This too, is working on me. So much work to get work. And it was another very warm day… inside… and solo. No PJ today. – So… transfer at TD. I’m being charged a monthly fee again! Cigs and TWO boxes of sugar frosted flakes (buy one get one) & Listerene… for my teeth. I think the sinus trouble might be connected. – 16.15 bus back to the North Star. – I ate a whole box of cereal wih coffee creamer. I’m still hungry. Subway tomorrow. Money is to a dribble. 2 more weeks’ rent in the banque. I BLOODY NEED INCOME! – I started a water-colour this morning. Only the wash. Uncomfortable. I need a table. – And I’m journaling on the MetroPCS tonight. No WiFi. – Eys & nose are dripping. Time for shower and lights out. Tomorrow we try again. – OH! AS I walk into the mall this afternoon: LIFE IN A NORTHERN TOWN. – On TV now: MONTREAL. – Ah… indeed.

Wed.9.Nov:
1.04 Tonight, again, asleep too late. Again, tonight, I lay my head on pillow… on baxk-pack. Tonight, again, to sleep with hunger. Tonight, again, the worry of rent. – I’ve gotten rid of the stench of old cigarette. I’ve adapted, as I did in the Shelter. – No WiFi tonight. My chest is heavily congested. – I want to go further into smaller villages. I will not leave here defeated.
8.08 NS42 At 8.00: Channel 5 is channel 4. Channel 4 is NBC and channel 5 is PTZ. But PTZ has NBC and NBC weather showed BTV this morning! And then announced our high temperature of 68! Imagine that! (But the shot of BTV was DARK and cloudy. Hmpf!)
21.25 NS42 A delightfully warm d
21.50 I’ve no idea what happened on that previous entry and now the cursor is blue? Strange day all round. Igot a late start to a warm day… really warm. Odd; I usually brought rain and snow. I bring hest to the North these days. Well, I GOT A CALL-BACK TO ADECCO! as I was at DoL working in the “computer lab” with Janice AND PJ arrived.
(23.26)It was really rather a fun time at DoL. I got precious little accomplished but to think, I’d wondered what it would be like, knowing no-one here. Now, mere weeks later, I’m known at DoL, and I’ve an interview coming on Friday! Not fast enough on the job-front. But, as PJ says “In no time you’ll know everybody in Burlington.” Schmulick said as much. It’s just so fun and easy to meet people here. Meanwhile, PJ and I got a bit of time to wander… into the old book store (where I could go broke easily) and down to Occupy to see their huge tee-pee. We then got to justvsit and talk on Church for a bit. Just before 16.00 I went to see PJ to the bus and as he queued to board I mentioned going to Ealgreens for a beard trimmer. An older gent (with perfectly trimmed beard and discoloured moustache) heard me and recommended Macy’s… “Good prices too!” So, off went the bus and I into Macy’s… The exact same bloody trimmer I’ve got in NY! But considerably less than I’d paid in NY. However… one piece, I’ve found, is missing: the beard trimming attachment! ATT (who’s bloody following me on Twitter now) and now Remington.
(23.27)But, no matter what happens here, Vermont is where I stay… until I make it, one way or another, back across the Northern border, Home. It would be nicer to go to a smaller town, more to the North here. But that too is money. And that’s running out QUICKLY. Even at 6$/day on food and some cigarettes. Tonight was Subway, chicken parmesan for dinner. Cash gone. But determination is Strong. – It’s 22.34. The tempetature in here is almost 25… too hot. Harry Potter on TV and I need to do so much and get some sleep.

Thu.10.Nov:
8.38 NS42 and a far cry from the 6.30 I’d gone for but still earlier than BTV opens. Well, even NYC doesn’t wake til 1 so… Cloudy and warm this North Country morn. (Odd, but even though I’m mere moments from Québec, I still don’t fell so “North”. Coming by plane twisted the distance perception and the thought that I can go to storage and back in less time than it would take to do so with-IN NYC makes it seem closer. But, this is North… How consoling… truly.) Weather says “rain”. My umbrella is in Ozone Park. AND speaking of, last evening I stopped in at Short Stop Mobil to get donuts fir after Subway, chatted (of course) with the woman at the cashe… “I lived in Queens…” says she. “Hollis”! She’s a VTer, lived in Queens, came Home. Well well. – OK. A semi-restless night last but I have to get into a routine. Also, tomorrow’s Open House is out by the airport! I need to find transport. And there’s another one at Teddy Bear, in opposite direction. A busy travel day and learning how to travel. Adventure! Travel! Intrigue! VT! (uh huh) – Moving along here now…

19.05 NS42 Frosted Flakes for dinner again tonight. – 30 Vies on TV. – Much nothing accomplished on this warm, damp day. Went to DoL. Completed the I9, W4 and… VT tax forms. The I9 is a royal pain and the first PC froze in the middle of it! Then I had to ring TD for a routing nr. SHIT! The 50 questions! The one about the recent transaction! And fuk! My on-line is locked because the key-board jammed on me and I have to go in to un-lock it! – Ordered business cards avec “On parle Québécois”. 3 bloody weeks’ wait. By then I’ll be… in the streets at the rate I’m going. – Money. – OccupyBTV had a shooting today. Suspected suicide but the police are tightening on them and talking of removing the tents. I thought of getting my own tent when things get bad. Always just too late, me. – This morning I told Cathy not to worry too much about cleaning, just put the fresh linens on the bed and Hoover. I got the linens… no Hoover. Oh well. It’s not necessary yet. She told me that her friend went to Teddy Bear and got immed. hire. They’re on my agenda tomorrow. – Tomorrow’s going to be tough. Much travel. Wow am I glad I got the monthly bus pass! But that too will run out soon. – I’m going to be using over-draft again soon. Oh well. It’s there. I need to do what I need to do. – NYC is trying to bump mental/druggies from the Shelter and I can’t say I mind. I’m still close, my wounds arevstill raw. I need to phone Tony, Aziz. – I’m tired but don’t want to go to sleep just yet. Early morning with much to do tomorrow. I hope thevrain holds off. – A quiet day all told. Tomorrow’s Rememberance Day. Much will be closed. I’ll be BUSY!

Fri.11.Nov:
8.10 NS42 Three alarms set for this morning. Only one sounded! I managed to wake on time though. There’s sun pouring on through the window. I have my usual anxiety-fatigue.
22.32 NS42 Went to Adecco this morning. Missed the bus stop. Walked back. More paperwork! Job is CHASE! 25$ fingerprint fee, reimburseable. I’ve RENT to pay! 14,40/hr tho. And I’ll need taxi every morning!- PJ in BTV when I returned fm Adecco! Nice surprise. – Dinner fm Mobil tonight. A Labatt with. Not enough. – TeddyBear tomorrow. – I’m so tired. Please… sleep tonight. Please…!

Sat.12.Nov:
19.45 NS42 And so, again today, I took the bus to a new destination… and went right by the stop. Got a later start than planned, but got some more done on the water-colour. Will it be exhibit-worthy? I doubt it. But I’ll finish it anyway. Meanwhile, the walk from the stop AFTER Shelburne Museum to Yeddy Bear wasn’t too bad. The day was clear,nit too cold, but very breezey. No problemme though. Entering into the TD grounds was, well, a bit surprising: huge grounds and a some-what non-descript cluster of buildings. Very clean grounds though… non-smoking, I’m presuming. I navigated to a door that brought me into the retail shop. Hoodies, bears, &c. I didn’t bother to check labels (assuming the garments are made in China). I asked a broad-faced young girl about the Open House, was directed to a table where a fellow (Mat) sat. He greeted me kindly, gave me a one-page application and directed me up-stairs to complete it. A simple application. All should be like this. I used Margot as prev. befire PIC. Emergency contacts: Zur and Pookie. I say no more. Application done, Mat handed me a Visitor pass, directed me through a door “3/4 down the hall”. I met “Ruth”, a supetvisor on Call Centre. We chatted. She’s from Syracuse! Everyone in Burlington seems to be from Syracuse! Anyway, we chatted about the job: take calls, enter orders… for pajamas! VT TD PJs. OK. Soft work… sort of. The pay? 9 bloodyfukking dollars! BUT I’M HIRED, begin Monday at 9 for training… paid. Employed! A but late on, but better than nothing for now. Of course, paying rent on anyhting lrss than 50 hours/week… AGAIN!!!!! will be impossible. But I’ll continue on Chase as well. THAT, by the way is… LOCKBOX!!! Same thing that got me into Chemical! – PJ was doing laundry today. Going to Boston tomorrow for his “situation”. Sunday & Monday. I came back to NS, changed into jeans, a little more painting and the bus to Hannaford for food (and a little 4-pack of wine to help with sleep tonight). Almost as I got to the road… the bus passed! So? I walked back. It was a GREAT walk; just chilly enougj, and the setting sun-beams shooting through the clouds, pouring diwn on the Adirondacks! Awesome! Magnificent! – Meal tonight? A whole mini-Italian breadbwith salami and mustard, crisps and tonic. PopTarts for dessert. I’d wanted something hot and filling. But this was vetter than nothing. – A note: SomeTHING is in 41. Hacking disgustingly earkuer then, at aboyt 20.00 a SLAMMED door! Trash? Well why the bloodyfuk not? It’s been too good to now. – Harry Potter on tele. Tummy CHURNING like crazy! There’s a clean-out coming.

Sun.13.Nov:
19.25 NS42 And it was a delightful day that I passed in-side where it was cooler than it was out-side. But I finished the water-colour and got to the forms for work tomorrow. Chase is invasive. No change since the Chem days. Good thing I journal… 7 yr Hx of residence? Change of name? Why the fuck will Life not stop hauntimg me? Even here, in VT! Anyway… I got the word I expected: paid my 4th and now last week here. The 30-day law applies. 28 days and… out. Just when I get work. No matter where we go the World attacks. Shelter in VT. How charming. And just before legal residence kicks in. I can’t even feel… anything. – Lwt’s add: 41 is occupied by the lung-hacker & the door-slammer. “Mnmnmnmnmnmm!!!” So shit follows too. Well, I had 3 peaceful weeks. – – Kelly was cute today: “… you’re neat as a button, but if you need anything…” Then she rings: “This is the front desk. Shelly would like to know ehat your plans are after next week…”. I won’t hope. I can’t hope. I know better. Besides, I’ll be back on over-draft… again. Life. – A whole mini-loaf, turkey, crisps for dinner tonight. Before bed, the last mini wine. Tomorrow, 7.30 bus to VTB. I’ll get there early. It would be a delight to get out soon enough to get to Janice at DoL. And I need to type some shit for Chase. Well, last week I bitched when I got sick from low stress… – I’m tired. Need to talk with Shelly after 21.00.

Mon.14.Nov:
6.45 NS42 We grow older, butnot necessarily wiser. At 21.30 last night I went to talk with Shelly to see what she’d say about how much linger I can stay here. We talked about Cathy. We talked about Kelly. We talked about Jess. We talked about Teddy Bear (who hires anybody, including parolees, and just about everything that breathes). We talked about the “guests”. We talked… until 1.00! But we didn’t talk about me. We talked about the negative reviews on-line and so, at 2.00, I finished a nice review of this place. At 2.00 I finally put the light out. It’s going to be an interesting day today. I’m quite tired this morning. Good thing it’s Novembre and not July. Hopefully the cold will help to keep me awake. Imagine, first day and I’m exhausted. Gee, just as if I were still in 30th Street. – Well, Cathy won’t be back too soon because nothing’s getting rented and the other motels are apparently full (Rodeway being mentioned; but that’s closer to BTV) and it being her fault. That, and the fact that she wasn’t available all Summer wgen therevwas much work to be done. Jess too won’t be about because she doesn’t get enough done. But Kelly actually resides here, at the other end of this block, with her insanely jealous S/O (explaining why she doesn’t talk to me much) so she’ll be “on” (and explaining why she gets into the business here so much… the curtains and such). – I got to see the “basement” rooms in the main (we’re referred to as the “hill rooms”). Quite nice. The window is large enough to be comfortable. And they’re quite clean and such. It’s just these “hill” rooms that are old and ignored. Anyway… – Border Patrol is hiring in VT. So too, the airport. Says Shelly. There are tiny border-crossings here. So I’m thinking: I’ll go through the Chase hoops to see what comes of that. If it goes well, I’ll get a car and try for the border. – Right now I could rush for the 7.45 bus direct and be at TB by 8, or the 8.29 to the Museum and be there by about 8.45. I’m thinking the 8.29. I’m sneezy, fatigued and my tummy’s a bit off from fatigue. The stroll to work might do me some good. – No food here this morning. 9 cigs left. Some money in the banque. This is a tough beginning now. Work is done at 14.00. I could get to BTV by abiut 15.30 after. Not sure why. There won’t be anything at the P.O. yet. But I do need some typing/printing for the Chase application. And the finger-printing… 25$ I don’t have… and according to the paper-work, the reimbursement takes 60 days… in addition to the 2 weeks of eaiting for the results of the investigating. Fukked… again. – An hour to get ready and out. Here… we… go…
18.20 NS42 A connection…No connection. Bloody WiFi. – I want to go to sleep! But it’s just way too early. I’ll be up at 2.00 and, well, no good. – I made it! 4 hours of sleep last night, JUST made the 8.30 bus. I stepped out, looked up the road and could see it coming! Yeah! That’s convenient. – Made it in on time. Dressed in jeans, I was glad I hadn’t worn chinos. And yhe jeans helped on the walk from the Museum… NOT cold at all this morning but a southern wind. – The day? Cutsie for the most part. Hey, they do 70$ Teddy Bears and cutsie pajamas. At least there wasn’t all the “Rahrah” crap. The order entry system is DOS (cheap) and could be much easier but it is what it is. I’ve decided it’ll help me getmy typing/key-strokes up for the Chase job, and get paid as I brush-up. OK then. – I took the bus back with a guy who was on this morning’s bus in. He got off just at Burlington. I had to go to the banque for a form for direct deposit so I went on. – Got my form at TD. City Hall park is SO SAD! OccupyBurlington tents are GONE! Burlington disappoints. I didn’t expect such stupidity from VT. – A stop at the PO for nothing there. A drop-by at DoL to see Janice and tell her of the work. She’ll still help me with getting the LNA. That’s good. I’ll need it eventually. – Calzone and Pepsie at Ken’s. I was SO hungry! 9,99$ (plus 2, tip) after the previous 7,77$. – And the bus back to Shelburne. – I’ve paper-work to complete. I want to ring Tony/Aziz. I need to send Khenkina a note. I’m so tired. – And the fly in here is pissing me off.

Tue.15.Nov:
6.09 NS42 At 21.00 the lights went out and so did I. Right to sleep. – This morning, it’s dark, wet, cool, quiet out-side the door. Rain. And no umbrella. Oh well. But it’s quiet. And soon, I’ll be off to work. – Things work out. Not always the way we’d prefer. But things work out. – North Country. I’ve made it. Things work out.
21.22 NS42 Tomorrow morning I’ll regret having stayed awake this late. – This morning I woke perfectly well. Had time to browse the god-awful news that OccupyWallStreet had truly been evicted along with several other encampments. This country is becoming a Police State. It makes me sick to see this happening. But I have to admit: Occupy is in need of concrete Purpose Statements, objectives, a Mission Statement. Too many have no idea what it’s about. But Bloomberg is being… well… Bloomberg: unreasonable. All the more reason I will not go back to NY. The back-breaker for me: the dissolution of OccupyBurlington. That was something I never expected. Not in Vermont. – The tri to work was a delight. The weather was great. But the day at work was nothing less than frightening. I drew complete blanks when trying to perform ANY transactions! Blanks. I recall NOTHING! It’s not completely my fault. The kids giving instruction just bounce all over. We’re being given 3 days to learn what should take at least 5 days. And no continuity in the training. I’m about in panic. Tomorrow is the final day of training and I know nothing. Well, it will be what it will be tomorrow. I can’t panic. I can only hope. I need the income, shitty as it is. – After work, right back to 42 and completing the Chase paper-work. Made the appointment for finger-printing… NEXT WEDNESDAY out by the AIRPORT! Wednesday! I don’t even know where I’ll be residing then! This is all weighing on me now. – I lazed a bit after. It gets dark early, I was a bit tired. – At 21.00 the fact that I NEED to eat hit. Shirt Stop… MobilFood: turkey sub, 2 deviled eggs, cheese danish, 8$ that I can’t afford. Yes, this is getting to me. But if I didn’t eat tomorrow will be worse. – No word fromPJ after my last e-mail mentioning the possibility of goinginto a shelter. I wonder… another “all’s OK as long as all’s OK”? I hope not but won’t be surprised. – 41 is still here. But not bad. No complaints. – I need to do some wash, I need to find shelter, I need income, I need hot food. But tonight, I need sleep because tomorrow I need to get into work by 8.00 so I can try to remember what I probably never learned.

Wed.16.Nov: (Recorded 18.Nov. at 1.12)
19.16 NS42 Made it to work by about 8. Bus sll the way! Madebit through the day AND got “100” on the test! HIRED! But only 2 days next week. Alas. – Met PJ in town. Pizza and Pepsi at Ken’s. Good seeing him, though rushed. – Bus back. 2 Labatts, carrot cake, 1 cig. – Bumpers in 41 again tonight. Me thinkst this place will rent to any trash in the Champlain Valley. – Tired.
16 Nov.Wednesday: Shelly rang to ask if I’d be staying on next week. When I told her that I’d like to, she just said “OK. Kelly wasn’t sure and I like to plan.” Well, I have a place for next week. Hopefully TD won’t fail me now. I’ll be on over-draft. A pay-cheque is due on Friday, but I’ll be fortunate if it comes to 100$. More work to afford a shelter. It just doesn’t get better! – Shelly had full bronchitis and a sinus infection! She sounded like Cathy! It hurt me to the core. – Lights went out at about 24.00.

Thu.17.Nov: (Recorded 18.Nov. at 1.38)
17 Nov.Thursday: Woke at about 8.00 this morning to a Northern Novembre day: overcast and chilly. It didn’t serm that PJ was coming into BTV so I more or less lazed. But today was thr 2-month anniversary of OccupyWallStreet and the U.S. was in full swing! I got CNN on the TV and the coverage was AMAZING! For a brief moment I actually wished I was in NY, back to be part of the reported 32.000 participants. It was remarkable! I stayed in for most of it. Started a note card in water-colour. Not a “best effort” but it’s more to test the paper. So far, not too bad. It migjt get sent. – At 15.15 I left. Spoke with Cathy sbout Hoovering in here. She told me to ring her tomorrow (Friday) when I’m awake. She’s so sweet. – Got the bus into BTV at about 15.50. I wanted to check my mail and be there for the 17.00 meeting of OccupyBurlington. WELL! When I arrived, to my pleasant surprise, PJ was there! We went to the PO. Nothing there. I want my business cards to help with the job hunting! (Nancy/paintgirl1958 is semding me a scarf too. How sweet is that?!?) So we strolled down to a gallery/card shoppe off Main. Some nice works, mounted prints, unreasonably over-priced. Cards I like but can’t afford. – We attended OccupyBurlington including a walk IN Main Street snd then went back to get the bus. He had to get to Town Hall, Winooski. His father-in-law budinrss. – Tonigjt I shopped the Shell stn. across the road. Good stuff, reasonable prices. Turkey on rye, corn crisps, donuts. Not great but good enough. – Finally washed socks/under-bottoms tomight. Mostly dry now. – Twittered quite a bit. The OWS nrws gets me pissed. – Shelly’s a bit better tonight. – And now? I’m ready for sleep.

Fri.18.Nov:
13.26 Dept. of Labour: The morning went by entirely too quickly. But I did manage to get to the water-colours (card and sketch) so I guess that was worth the time invested. Had the time to stop by the office on the way out to tell Kelly (Cathy isn’t on today… I wonder why) that I’d done the loo and the dusting and all that was needed was a Hoover. Hopefully it will get done today whilst I’m away. – The day is beautiful out there! Chilly, but the sun is so wonderfully warm! I should be out there instead of in here but there are CVs to get done and today is the day I want them finished! – Got the bus immediately and strolled up the park to take some photos. I should get in touch with Moe and Ev and I’d like to send along some shots of the Champlain if possible. But that’s for later. – (I’m so hungry right now and there isn’t enough money to play with. I mean, I don’t even have enough to pay the rent next week, let alone, get food. I’ll have to ask PJ about pantries and the likes.) – Stopped at the P.O. Nothing again today. I WANT MY BUSINESS CARDS! – Came here and am almost done but… Over-heard a phone call beside me: Apparently the woman is registering for U.E.I. benefits and she was explaining that she was “let go” yesterday from one of the local Nursing Facilities. Reason? Medication Error. Says this is the 4th in the past year. She “only gave the wrong medication to the wrong pt. But luckily there is a doctor right there and nothing happened.” She’s a bloody-freakin’ RN! Now that gets me a bit pissed off: I CAN HANDLE MEDICATIONS! BUT I HAVE TO TAKE SOME ARSE-HOLE COURSES AND PAY FOR THEM! – I just had to get that documented. I’m angry right now. – Waiting to hear from PJ. He sent a msg. this morning saying he might be in today. It would be nice. I’m not planning on it.
22.38 NS42 And the walls they are a-rattlin’. I never expected this in VT. But, it’s a motel; people (and shit) come from all over. – The day? Not too bad. I woke early, got a late day in town. This morning I painted some more. Still working the same pieces. But it’s good that I’m getting back into it. I should have done so earlier. But… – Into town, I took some lake photos from Battery Park. It’s still amazing: Lake Champlain (and not from NY looking at VT), so close to Plattsburgh (Nick), and looking at the Adirondacks. I’m actually AT the Adirondacks! I get flutters when I think on it. And then… to the P.O. Nothing again. (But my cards shipped on Tuesday.) Then to DoL where I git my 3 different CVs … actually, résumés done. Printed 3 copies for retail in case I can use one at a store, in person. Saw Janice who put me wise to some “Career Certificate” programme coming up. She doesn’t call with infi but when U’m there… And she said the nicest thing: “You’re OK. You’re doing what you have to to keep yourself together.” A really great compliment. – Left at about 16.00. I had to get money for something to eat. I’m so hungry lately and, well, truthfully, money is… gone. 30 left in savings and 20 of that has to go to finger-printing on Wednesday. Maybe 10 in chequing. Tuesday is going to be a mad dash! Rent, phone, bus pass… then comes storage! I’m behind, behind, behind again! But I truthfully can’t worry. There’s NOTHING I can do to stop it… not now anyway. – And so, another cold sandwich, DipsyDoodles for dinner. Can of Fosters (I still wait for my martini). Donuts and coffee creamer. Dinner. – 22.58 Banging next door. Shit! – I HAD to nap for about 45 minutes after. – OH! I watch the game show “Privé de Sens” in the evening. French. I’m not bad at getting the answers! Last night and tonight! My vocabulary is better than I thought. Heyheyhey! – Then…As I settled in for the night, the shit began: radio blaring, yelling, walls rattling, furniture being moved. Trash in 41! I gave it some time and then went down to the office. Shelly and Kelly were there. Shelly told Kelly to go and ask for I.D. Seems somebosy rented the room “for his brother” but Shelly was really annoyed that “shit” is in there. Not to mention, the rent paid is for one and there are more in there. I came back to quiet and a few moments later I heard Kelly knock on their door. No answer. – A few more moments go by, the house phone rings. Shelly, checking. We got to talking: The Nirth Star is about 80 years old, built by a Canadian (French). The Shelburne Rd. was 2 lanes until about 10 years ago. We talked about the changes, the crime, the perpetrators of most crime… Talking with Shelly is some kind of fun. We’re like old friends. Not that I’d ever take advantage or expect favours. But it’s nice. – Well, I don’t want to sleep the dayb way tomorrow and my eyes are reslly growing quite wesk. Time for slee here… hopefully. – One other item, I found, on the bus into town today, my thinking is switching… into French! Youpie! Now to put it to work for my benefit. – I want to contact Moe/Ev, Barbara, Tony, Aziz on the week-end.

Sat.19.Nov:
0.14 So much for my pleasant early day. 41 is fukking in the shower, radio blaring, and missy giggling in the ahower. Reggae bass through the walls. They’rc using all the hot water. If the walls start again and there’s more yelling I’ll call Shelly.
21.19 NS42 Tonight, I am hungry. Tonight, I’m on my last cigarettes. Tonight, I would appreciate a hot Subway sandwic. and a drink. Tonight, my T-shirt hangs in front of s clean heater, drying. Tonight, I washed the T-shirt for the first time since I first wore it… almost a momth ago. I’ve worn it ever day. It still looked clean. VT. – Tomigjt, I spoke with Moe & Ev. Moe turned 92 the week passed. Lois gave him a new PC, then told him to hire somebody to teach him how to use it. How rude. Now I think: they’ll all see how muchnI gave (“You can stay with us for a couple of days until you figure what you’re going to do.” “I wish it could be different. We hope you’ll keep in touch.” I went to the shelter… but then I came to VT. OK, I suppose. – Ladt night I had to rimg the desk: 41 was in the shower for a good 45mins! He had a “she” in there. Shelly sent somebody up after mid-night. Tonight, now, 21.29, the banging recommences. At least I can be certain it’s not a tactic to get me out… Shelly addressed the problemme last night. – This morning, I finished the painting. – This after-noon, BTV, alone.”Good Stuff”: cute. What BTV considers “adult toys” is so tame compared to NYC. 3 young girls at the counter. Strange. So I went. – Post Office, YELLOW CARD! I got to BTV at 13.15, just missed the retail window. My biz cards? Scarf fm NancyPaintgirl? Now I’ll have to wait until Monday, after work! Argh! Alas. –
Expecting PJ to come into town, went to Dunkin Donuts. Had 4$ cash. Coffee, 1 donut. 3,75$. I sat, took my time. – Syrolled into “Bennington Pottery”. I like the green spatter-ware. Other items… mire CHINA! SHIT! – 15.15 bus back. Gorgeous weather. I didn’t want to be inside but… hungry and concerned about finances. – Well, the day is done. Prediction of rain for tomorrow. I hoe not. One thing I MUST do tomorrow… EAT. Work at 7.00 on Monday! – Tonight, I’m hungry. 27$ in chequing, 38 in savings. Rent, phone, storage, transport. Small income on Friday… paper cheque.
682 hits here. I wonder who…(on DA)
* Last night I searched for Viv. Stumbled on the news: Simon died, stroke, 5 years ago, aged 30. It was on Rutgers. Simon. Gone. George, Anna, David. Mina, Viv, Ron, (Carmen), & their son’s name is in my mind but… – Simon’s gone. *
22.19 It began at just before 22.00… 41. The banging on the wall. Then the reefer/crack odour. The girl’s in there again and just now, the walls shook with a slamming door. Last night the left for a while then returned to shower and boogie-down until mid-night. Gee, I thought this was behind me when I left the shelter.

Sun.20.Nov:
20.31 NS42 What a wasted day. Woke at 7, checked météo (scattered showers… we had one), since I don’t have an umbrella, I sacked plans to walk the lake into town. E-mail, Twitter, by 9.00 a nap until 11.00. By then, the day was pretty much shot. At about 14.00, 41 decided to do one of their joint showers. So, at about 14.30 I went out to get a sandwich, donuts, egg nog & cigarettes. I’d done OK with the few I had left. As I opened the door… the one shower. In the rain I stopped at the desk to tell Kelly about last nifht abd this afternoon. She’d gone to check 41; no damage. She’ll tell Shelly tomight. I told her I have to be awake at 5.00 tomorrow to go to work. It probably made no difference. – Across to Shell and back. – Today I communicated with Henry and Jpup (I have to chrck his name again) on Twitter. Interesting how many still “follow” Thumper and the kind comments. – An evening of “Decouvert”, “Laflaque” and “Tout Le Monde En Parle”. It’s been a day of French. My thoughts are turning French now. It’s coming back. – But I set up to paint and just couldn’t. Too much on my mind. Chequing is down to about 3$ now. Tomorrow I have to pay bills on over-draft. Phone, bus pass, rent (and I’m not certain I want to stay here for that but can’t think of where else to go now that the money’s gone). This banging shit gets to me. It’s Rockaway and the shelter all again. I didn’t expect this sort of shit here. I won’t sit by quietly taking it here either. – 20.46 and the bass is coming through the wall! I’m showered, ready to try for sleep. My TV volume is up to 20! and I can still hear next door! Shelly comes on 21-21.30. If she rings, I’ll be calm. But this has to stop. – Tomorrow, after work, I’m planning on going to COTS to look into public shelter. I WILL NOT LEAVE VERMONT! And certainly not angry. I have a bit of work now. I have better work to come. When I get my LNA I’ll have more oportunities. I just need time… time. Not a lot, but some. And I need QUIET! Shelly has the chance to rent another week. But if the noise won’t stop, she can deal with a vacancy here.

Mon.21.Nov:
6.20 NS42 I stepped out the door, turned the key in the lock, turned round to face the road… THE BLOODY BUS WENT BY!!! When I stepped back in it was 6.17! What went by was the 6.24! EARLY! This is NOT NYC where busses can be late but not early. And this is why. I spent a sleepless night, half awake, got up on time, was dressed on time, to be about 20 minutes late… First day! From 20 mins early to 20 mins late! WE are NOT happy about this. And neither are our guts… they just knotted. Well, at least this isn’t THE job of my life here. But this cannot happen with Chase; they don’t tolerate “tardy”. Ineed a dependable, reliable car!

Tue.22.Nov:
13.34 DoL Second day without food and I’m feeling it this time. – Yesterday, Monday, 21 November: From the beginning… I was awake on time to get the bus and actually walked out the door on time to get the bus. AS I turned the key in the lock and turned me to face the road, THE DAMNED BUS WENT BY! EARLY! At least 8 minutes early! The worst part of it all is that these busses run on a schedule (or so they should) and the next bus took me only to the Museum which meant… First day at work, late! Well, there really wasn’t anything I could do about it. As I like to say: You can only get later, you can never get earlier. So I went back inside to wait for the next bus. That one came rather on time… a tad late. The wind was almost refreshing, and brisk this morning. No bus shelter on the corner. Not a prob. – When I got to VTB, I walked in, with my card of course, and strolled round looking for where I should be. They never told us much more than “Up-stars”. I must have walked about 15 minutes or more without seeing a soul. It was rather strange to think: New employee, wandering about the place, un-escorted, access to everything. Then a nice guy showed me where I should be. I clocked-in at 7.38! 38 minutes late! But nobody seemed too concerned about it. So I got started. – It was an interesting 5 hours of work today: The 3 days of “training” weren’t nearly enough so I was pretty much at odds with the protocol. But the calls I did manage to take weren’t all that bad. One call from Irvington just lost patience with me. Oh well. I can’t take this job too seriously anyway. It’s not “career” material. Still, when I was ready to leave, I was told I did very well. Imagine that! – The stroll up to the Museum for the bus was OK. A bit cold, but nothing to complain about. It actually felt rather refreshing, to be honest. – Bus into BTV: THE SCARF FROM NANCY HAD ARRIVED! THAT WAS THE YELLOW CARD ON SATURDAY! AND THE SCARF IS BEAUTIFUL! She included a truly wonderful card, a piece of her pen-work and a stone that had come from her collection. It took me so deeply, to think that a complete stranger could be so kind and caring!

Wed.23.Nov:
22.32 Janice rang this morning to invite me to dinner tomorrow. I took the Williston bus to the airport and walked 45 mins to tje sherrif’s office. (Just noticrd error they made in soc.sec. nr. FUK! Should have been a 3 min stroll. But I got to see the Winooski Gorge, Falls. – Had wine after dinner. Watched “Fairly Odd Parents”. – Rang Moe, then Barbara, then Schmulik: Happy Tksgvg. – St. Albans is in QUEENS! – I’m happy here. – PJ bowed out of invite. Mentioned “friend” with money. I wonder: mine is out &… ?
23.43 NS42 Tired. Full of Ramen noodles. So deep into over-draft I can’t think about it. Rent paid another week. A new 31-day bus pass. Phone paid for Decembre. (Plase let them pay storage!) Cigarettes (@ 1$ off each x 10… Shell). And more Ramen, peanut butter. – 41’s a bloody butt. – I need to get to sleep.

Thu.24.Nov:

5.28 NS42 The iPod is 2 minutes slow. I wonder how that can be. – 41 is either just wall-banging to be a pain, or, for the past 12 minutes he’s banging the gutl-friend but there’s been wall-thumping going on over there. Eh ben. Too bad if my TV bothers them. – Thermometre has 24• but it’s chilly in here. Being at the end, only one wall is insulated. It’s like the house on Roosa Gap. Ah, le Nord. – Thanksgiving. Janice’s aunt expected at 7. A day in a “family” environment. I’m pretty much forcing me into it, not bring accustomed to it any more. But it also gives me the opportunity to expsnd my knowledge of VT, and, of course, be closer to the frontière. Imagine being this close to Québec… and no Viv. If this isn’t Kafkaesque, nothing is. – Well, today is the day to stop, distill our thoughts of gratitude:
.I am in Vermont,
.I am North,
.I am on le Champlain,
.I have shelter, a door-key, a thermostat, it is warm and dry,
.CBC/RDI on the TV… in French,
.I have a job,
.I have convenient transport,
.I am not hungry or thirsty,
.I have the scarf from Nancy,
.I’ve met caring and compassionate people,
.I’ve met or encountered delightfully kind people,
Yes, I do wish that I had my connections in Québec, and one or two back in NY (Schmulik, I wish Pookie was still around), I wish I wasn’t living off over-draft but am thankful it was available for food, the phone, transport for another 31 days. This part of Life is good, and I can use the wird “Life” now instead of “existence”. I wish I could ring Mama to wish her “Happy Holiday”. I wish I could look forward to her being at the door. But Life is good today; still tough, but it’s a new Beginning… Beginning. – I’m finding it odd that PJ mentioned, in his e-mail of last evening, that his “friend” has no phone, no Internet, no real home, but “he has money”. I’m finding it odd that he declined the offer to share in my good fortune of a holiday in St. Albans when MY money ran out. I don’t like being cynical and I hope that I’m completely wrong about this but the timing is quite interesting. As François Legault would say: On verra. – Time… it’s abundant when there’s nothing to do; when I’m engaged in something I’d rather not do. It runs out quickly when I’ve a dead-line. It’s running low now. Shower. Dress. And on to another new experience! – Bonjour monde. Bonne fête.
.My calling cards arrived,
20.20 NS42 WHAT A MAGNIFICENT DAY! ST. ALBANS! – I didn’ get nearly enough sleep last night but the day went SO well! Whilst waiting for Deb, I watched the sun rise and illuminate the snow on the tops of the Adirondacks, turning the snow into a glowing red-orange! Just stupendous! At about 7.30, Deb came in the drive, I got into the car abd we were off. North on the 89 (how strange, not the 87). Suddenly, the trees were COVERED in SNOW! One knew we were heading NORTH! Just awesome! – St. Albans is a “Northern Town”: small houses, rather flat-land, and that almost “non-descript” quality. It’s beautiful in its oen right. Janice’s home is mondern New Englandish and comfy. And I was “at home” immediately. Odd, but Vermonters have a knack of making a person feel like old friends so quickly. We had coffee, muffins and much chatting as dinner was prepared. It felt like afternoon, but it was only about 8.30. And the sky was “North Country” grey all day. At one point there was a brief flurry, making it all the more perfect. Just perfect. – Dinner was amazing: the turkey was the perfection of a cooking show, turnips, sweet potatoes, mixed veg, cranberry, stuffing, gravy, biscuits. Wow! A blueberry wine that was delicious! Apple wine, delicious! Both from local. Dessert: pumpkin cookies, apple crisp and a lemon-raspberry pie! It was remarkable! And all the while, the talk was like long-time friends. – I met sister (who went through “training” at VTB with me!), daughter (Andrea). The family. Lucy, the dog, took right to me. I mean… better than my iwn “family”. – Janice drove back with Andrea. We took the 7 all the way, through the small towns. Shame it was dark already but it was a sheer delight. In BTV, we stopped at “Hammy’s” (Grand-mother) who lives in the stone house at the south end of St. Paul. 20ft ceilings, orig. wood-work! Woah! Gorgeous! And SHE lived in The Bronx! We talked about her neighbourhoods… mostly SoBro. I was invited to stop by any time. – What a perfectly wonderful day! Just perfectly wonderful. – Now? A few more moments and time for sleep. Tomorrow is a work day. – May things go well. This really is “Home” now. – I need to drop a line to PJ before sleep. I hope he enjoyed his day.

Fri.25.Nov:
6.14: Happy Birthday Vivian Lortie.
23.15 NS42 Another remarkable, and solo day! Made it to work on time, and did rather well. SURPRISE! But my hours were xhanged from 7-12 to 7-15.00! When I said I had an appointment, I got no trouble! Amazing! And I was the only passenger on the bus to work this morning. – As I waited for the bus back after work, a German woman approached. She’s been here 3 months. Some kind of volunteer. On the bus, she told me of her 3-hr. bus trip to Montréal! Customs! Anyway, nice talking with her. – I came back to the North Star, had a Ramen & a nap. – OH! I rang Adecco on my break. I HAVE THE CHASE JOB! Starts mid-Decembre! On Monday, I bring in my paper-work & go to Chase! Woohoo! – Today wad my first VT pay-cheque! 16,4hrs! And only about 12& in deductions! YEAH! AND now I’m a tax-payer! Gladly. – Went into VTV to deposit my chrque. The ATM defaulted to French. No enveloppe needed. What fun! And French!
– Was going to go to the tree-ligjting but went to sun-set on Champlain. The Frrnch ATM got to me. But the lake was MAGNIFICENT! The French ATM git to me.
I took photos & came back to NS. Anothet Ramen. Finished the wine. – Will meet Janice in BTV tomorrow. – Vwry tired niw. – Baby spider on bed. I don’t want to crush it. Put it off the bed. -Must sleep now.

Sat.26.Nov:

8.08 NS42 *Saturday 26Nov: This was another unexpected day of travel and adventure. As I slowly got myself together this morning, txts fm Janice: what was I going to do with the day? I’d planned to go into BTV, PO, see the tree, sketch the Adirondacks. She was coming in to light shop; would I like to join her? Of course! – I arrived just past 13.00… missed the PO. Must remember it closes at 13.00. So I waited at the bus terminal. The “stage” is still at the tree, and the lights are simply strung, it wasn’t pretty so I took no photos. Church St. was a-buzz with people… incl. OccupyBTV in a small group. Life in a Northern town. – A short wait and there was Janice! We strolled down Church and to the lake. “Peace and Justice”. Like much of BTV, very 60’s, hand-mades from those countries allegedly doing worse than the US. Spanish music playing. Cute items, but I’m just not “that kind of Liberal” any longer. My focus is now on making Life better here before trying to change there. But it was a new experience, another facet of this new Life here. We strolled back up and wrnt for coffee at “Mirabelle’s” (I believe). Janice paid. She asked if I was hungry. Indeed I was. But… – We walked down to her Mum’s to fetch her car but, en route, stopped at a place called “Resource”, a place very much like sn indoor flea-mkt where folks bring furniture, house-wears, appliances to be repaired and sold. TVs for 20$! Hutches for 40$! Great things at amazing prices! – As we browsed (and she fell in luv with a 25$ chair) a msg. fm. PJ. He’d come into town unexpectedly. I thought I could meet him (it’s been several days since we last met in town) so I sent a reply to say I could meet him in 15mins. I got no further resonse so went along with Janice to her Mum’s. – We waited for her son (6yrs old) to come in from a holiday trip in NJ. As we waited, Janice warmed some rice and beans her Mum had made. Puerto Tican food in BTV. Although it truly was delicious, it of course bugs me: I’ve come North to get away from that element. But, to my relative dismay, it’s come here as well. An older, dark fellow came in, “Buenos tardes.” says he. Starts speaking Spanish with Janice’s Mum. Interestingly, my brain deciphered it as just mumbling. I’ve shut the language right out. No prob. – Stev(ph)en arrived. A bundle of excitement and energy! A large bundle of 6yrs old. It was about 16.30, I was ferling more like 21.30. Janice wanted to show me the “Forever Young” tree-house. I, of course, wanted to see it too. In the early darkness, we got into the car, headed South to So.BTV, toward the lake, over the train tracks, into a park. – Well, the “tree-house” is an amazing structure! Actually built IN a tree, accessible by wooden ramp, just FUN! I want to get there in day-light. – Steven wanted to go to B&N at UMall so we drove some “back roads”… up behind the North Star. OSHIT! Some of the houses right behind here are HUGE! Minimansions! The $ of So.BTV! Evrnin the darkness they’re obvious! And it’s sad: Once open space, rolling meadows, being destroyed. Just like Ulster County, NY. Sad. Very sad. – Allen to Spear, rigjt at the church to Dorset, past Kennedy… If I had a car I could be at Chase in mere MOMENTS that way! Unlike 2 busses and a walk. It put the area into perspective. – UMall. The parking lot was quite the Québec-land! So many cars fm up North! WOW! No need to go to Montréal… they all come here! – We went to I-Hop for: steak dinner, Janice; one HUGE pancake for Steven; short-stack for me (28$, Janicr paid). The prices were the same here as Ozone Pk! Just WRONG! But it was good to eat. – B&N after. – Back to NS. 19.30 or so. – The office was closed. Apparently Kelly is taking over in Shelly’s vacation. And Shelly did say she’d close the office at night. No prob. – I settled in, browsed round Twittet, e-mails. PJ says his mobile battery died at 16.30. Oh well. – Janice went to the ArtBlog and left a beautiful comment! – I had a Ramen and lemonade, vegged. – Went to sleep later than I’d wanted to. At night, I’m having trouble getting to sleep. It’s the anxieties of money. I’ll be in a shelter… again… soon. It bothers me to think sbout it… But why not? Holidays… shelter! No matter where I go in the World… there I am.

Sun.27.Nov:
9.08 NS42 Sunday on the Champlain shore. – I slept with ch22 on. Set an 8.30 alarm. Woke at about 7.45. Woke to a cartoon: bi-lingual… bits of… Spanish! WTF? Even the Québécoises are pandering to those vermin! It annoyed me, first thing in the morning. – OK. It’s over-cast. Weather report for rain tonight & tomorrow. I’d like to ealk along the lake. I have an umbrella. I should wash some clothes. I want to paint. I doubt Janice or PJ will go into town. Bits of sun peek through the clouds. And I’m an internal mess: will I get another week’s rent in over-draft today? And what will I do if not? Has this “Home-life”, as it is, come to an end? It will eventually. This much I know. A good salary lies just out of reach… as always. But with Janice, I have resources. The thought of Shelter again sickens me. But it will be what it will be. Again, I shut down, with-draw with-in, pull “me” into my own guts & move… forward… KADIMA.
22.51 NS42 Well, it begins again… packed and ready to go. In the rain. – The morning was quiet. I was going to fo so much but it looked like it would rain so I stayed in. I was going to start a new water-colour. I’m glad I didn’t. – At about 13.00, I headed out for a walk along the tracks thinking they’d run along the lake. As I strolled down the road… Debby & Aunt Deb! Imagine? On a side road! How strange: the road, the timing, to meet someone I know… and THERE! We chatted & I was on my way up the tracks. Got up to “Allenwood”, about a mile or so & no shore-line. All the roads going to the lake are “private”. Disappoimting. So I cut back up to the Shelburne Rd. by the Ho Hum & walked back. – Here, the place is empty! I found Kelly & tried to pay the coming week. “Declined”! It was coming and today, it arrived. What can I say? (Mario Pelchat on Studio12. He aged!) Here we go… back into the shelter. And JUST before the great job!
23.50 As I’m packing this evening, a message from PJ: He’s getting the “Tony Mack” treatment from Ricardo! And me with no place to offer him! And the rains coming! Well… – I contacted Janice. Oddly, she doesn’t know Homeless svces. But she tried to help. – Just off Twitter. PJ’s inside. Relief! – Studio12 on. Mario Pelchat, older & heavier. But he sings well. – Unders are at the heater. Jeans are dripping in the shower. Luggage packed. This day is wrapped.

Mon.28.Nov:
6.57 NS42 Very heavy this morning. And slept later than expected. Oddly, I should be at work already and am just waking. Called-out, and out of habit, when I left my phone nr. I gave the area code. The whole state has only one. – Well, here we go then. The irony in and of my entire existence: First thing to be done is an interview for a rather well-paying job, followed by an attempt at finding a place in a public shelter for the Homeless! It makes me a bit trembley (how French), and yet, I can’t help but think that I’m probably not the only one in this situation. Perhaps yes, here, but assuredly not in the Global perspective. My major concern: PJ mentions “waiting” for available beds. He also mentioned that some are put up in motels. If the latter is true, would I be sent here? Woild they offer to simply help with my rent? Or, if the former, and there are no places to go to, what then will I do? Will they simply offer train/bus fare and send me to NY? After all the leg-work invested in getting a job. Especially the long walk to finger-printing, in the snow (I still have the broken blister on the back of my right foot). – When I think: Yesterday, when I went to the office, Kelly was cleaning rooms; I get the strange feeling that the only people here are she & her S.O., perhaps 2 others and me. I wonder if I’d be allowed to stay for a while longer, paying after instead if in advance. The Chase job will begin in about 2 weeks and I’ll be solvent again, able to afford this place easily. Should I even ask? If Shelly were here, it would be easier. (Or probably not, knowing me.) Them too, I could, at this point, hunker down and take the issue to the courts. It’s become my “residence” now. But that’s CERTAINLY NOT what I want to do. If Cathy were here, I’d feel better confiding in her, knowing, as I do, that she went through some tough times.But Fate has taken her away as well. – Janice posted my situation on her FaceBook. PJ declares his help. But neither can give concrete input. Indeed, I’m facing this alone. I wonder why. Steve (Segara, from the 7th floor) said I’d be an excellent Advocate for the Homeless. I wouldn’t mind such a job… paying job. Odd that I should experience this here as well as in NY. If only it would support me. I wonder. – No TV this morning. Just the sound of light traffic on the Shelburne Rd. No rain… yet. And the forecast is for scattered rain, not steady. Warm weather today, warmer abd some sun tomorrow. Tomorrow… when I’ll be getting a bus out if here to… unknown. Unknown… again. I’m 56 and wandering more than ever. It makes no sense. However, instead if thinking in terms of “The End”, the top-most thoughts are intrigue: to see this through and learn. This is not NYC with 8 million people clammering about, and certainly not the burnt-out system. There’s a curiosity in this. -Well, I was going to investigste last week. As usual, I failed. This morning I’m forced into it. So, here we go, instead if “What if…” I’ve shoved myself into “MUST DO…”. I’m the same shit-for-brains in a new environment here. Where have all my flowers gone… and… when will I ever learn?
* Monday, 28 Nov: How I dreaded even waking this morning and, simultaneously, looked forward to it. A day when I knew I couldn’t afford to pay the rent due, yet the morning that would bring me closer to a job that will provide not only enough to pay current rent but enough to get me out of this motel and into a REAL flat and REAL Life. Still, a day of forfieted income because I had to take the entire day off from the job I truly dislike to take that step closer to the job I should have had already. Add the fact that I’m packed-up and looking at the potential of searching for a bed in a public shelter, in a place where even PJ uses terms like “hope they have a bed” in reference to that shelter. There isn’t even a guarantee of alternative sleeping space here! imagine: I’ve moved 473km to a place where every day for a month I’ve gotten up in the next best thing to Utopia only to wake this mirning to the same anxieties I’d left behind. It didn’t take long for those anxieties to take hold either: a case of… the RUNS! And on a day where I had to dress nicely and do considerable walking in areas where, in emergency, I’d be shitting like the bears… in the woods. Ah, Monday in New England. And back to the word KADIMA. (Schmulik’s words came back: No matter where you go, you’ll still be “you”.) – Well, at almost 7.00 it began: Called the job, left the notice that I’d be out the day. Finished the morning’s tap-water coffee and checked the weather: warm… rain. Why not “rain”? OK. Sure. Bus stops with-out shelter, distances to walk in open spaces, in the only dress slacks I now have. OK! – Into the shower, dress, just go, move, don’t think, just move along, forward, KADIMA. – The connections for the busses went well enough to allow a stop at the P.O. where “correspondence” was THREE notices from the banque that totalled a bslance due of the next 2-3 current paycheques. I shut-down, put them into one envelope, as if that would make it better, stuffed them into the back/pack and moved… forward. No thinking. Just move along like a train confined to a pre-determined steel track. – The bus to Williston was surprisingly full. At the crest of UVM hill, the land opened to reveal the Green Mountains in the distance. Awesome view! THIS is “Home” now. I’m still Happy here and no longer a stranger. There is, in the words over-heard on the corner of Cherry and St.Paul: no looking back. – It wasn’t raining. – The stroll to the agency was familiar. I know my way now. There, of course, one form missing a signature! Anne suggested I’d have to return to the Sherrif’s office! I pointed out the receipt signed and begged not to go back… a LONG walk (and time I didn’t have today… I had to get this done and hunt for shelter by tomorrow morning when I’d find myself on the streets lugging my life in a suitcase) (I didn’t mention that part though). Reprieve! No extra travel required. Off to Chase I’d go. – Well, the “stone’s throw” to there was longer than buck-shot distance from a high-powered rifle and over some neatly-trimmed lawn, covered in mud, in my light-colouered khakis. Why not? But it was through delightful area. – At last, I made it to the next step! The office… where I wasn’t expected and the fellow I was sipposed to see was “not in today”. This was going as well as my life could be. I met with Lucy, not Nathan. – Lucy here reminded me TOO much of Jim (D.): mechanical, strange affect, no humour, Chase. She meticulously reviewed my documents. Small gap in job Hx. The time at Premier. I filled it in, snd produced the ID I still have as proof. (To think I’d almost returned that on a visit to Kew Gdns with Moe! Life… not funny.) All went well, Lucy actually smiled at one point. Then she took my picture… for my ID card! OK! A great sign! I was done here. Steps 1 and 2, complete. Next? Shelter. Time for “dead serious”… and another long walk to the bus. But it wasn’t raining.
* Monday cont… Well, as is my fate, the tri into the Shelter system, even here, was solitary. I got off the bus at Church and lit a cigarette. Some-what blind and mindless, walked directly to the corner, noticing the bedraggled guys coming from that place that was my destination. Even here, in Northern New England, one can, if one pays any attention at all, tell where a Social Svces office is located by the folks in the vicinity. Oddly however, in NYC, these types didn’t phase me, yet here, I had abtouch of apprehension. Why? Just the uncertainty: In NYC “we”, the out-cast, tend to sense one-another in some way. I’m not sure if that quality has been developed “out here”. And I was still rather “dressed” from my interview. I looked more like a Social Worker (GOD FORBID!) than a member of the rank-and-file down-trodden cast-aways… and, that was, after all, what, indeed, I was. – Down one street, round the corner, down another, doen a hill, down, down, down and to the BACK of a Social Svces bldg. The BACK of the bldg! So the rest of BTV couldn’t see or didn’t have to see… us? I chose to think it was more so that WE didn’t have to be obvious as we went looking for Help.., that we probably didn’t receive. Down into a small parking lot, in through a door, down some wooden stairs. SHIT! DOWN DOWN DOWN!!! How many of Dante’s “rings” into Hell does one have to travel just for a basic, human requirement of shelter-from-the-elements? Even here, even here. – A man at a table looked up at me with a touch of perceived animosity. I couldn’t blame him, I was in a room almost filled, of men and women drinking coffee, talking… these were the “Out-cast victims” of a society that believes itself much above and better than those of us who try… and sometimes fail… at living “to standards” of others… I, was obviously dressed unlike them. I stated my situation.., I was seeking… shelter. – I was directed to an office in the back, see “Tm” (I won’t put full name here). – I must say, the place was clean, rather contemporary, DMVish or Unemployment-ish. Even T’s office. As I approached the door, a lean and lanky fellow was leaving. “I did it! I got my license! Got my Social Security card AND my license niw! I’m REAL now!” He was so proud if his accomplishments. I couldn’t help but think: Sad, we have to have “little cards and numbers” to become REAL people! That’s just sick… disgusting! – I waited at the door to be acknowledged. T was engrossed in something on a computer screen. When, after a few silent moments, he half-turned toward me, he asked what I wanted. Not particularly welcoming. Even less welcoming, I felt, than his NYC parts. HE didn’t make eye contact… THEY do. How strange. I told him I was sbout to become Homeless. He asked about my arrears. I didn’t have any. This was pte-emptive. He scribbled a telephone number on the back of a business card! A telephone number? How presumptuous! I’m looking for shelter and you give me a telephone number? He asked where I’ve been staying. When I told him, he chortled, saying “Fun, fun!” In conversation he told me that he’d lived in a bldg. owned by Shelly. “She never wanted to hear about any problems with the place. She’d answer the phone, put me on hold. Somebody else would pick up and say ‘She’s not here.’” Then he tells me to forget the number he gave me; they won’t help with motel rent, but since I’m there past 30 days I’ll have to be evicted in court. He gave me his direct number on another card. “Call me tomorrow. I might have a bed, if somebody doesn’t show up. But it’s in a shelter with 30 males sad females.” When I told him I’d been in a NYC shelter: “Oh! You’ll be fine! This’ll be kindergarten.” He said this as he walked away from me. – I left, quietly, alone, having no idea what to expect or what to do from this point. And, strangely, feeling less human here, after the event, than I did after similar events in NYC! – (5.30 on Wed.30Nov. Damp from rain, and the wind is howling this morning! And my Fate is still uncertain.) – PJ was en route into town. I was alone, feeling… nothing other than un-certain. I headed to DoL just to not feel “derelict” or “indigent”. At DoL I could talk with Janice, a New Englander. PJ was a NYer and I needed to know a “local” take on the situation. – AS I rounded the corner on Pearl, JANICE! Fate played again! She was on a break! Offeted to buy a sandwich. I just wanted a coffee. Yes, I was hungry but… food is costly. Coffee would be just fine. – With coffee, we went back to her office…
Monday cont… We talked about the current “situation”. She brought up the facts that I’m liked here and thatbeing here has, indeed, changed the dynamics, and that it now takes an eviction to remove me. But the one thing she said that gavem me the strength I needed was: if I didn’t go to management to open communication, I was denying them the opportunity to have any sort of dialogue with me, that I would be locking THEM out. She was right. I knew that. This is not NYC where open dialogue ends in battle. I owed it to the motel. They trusted me enough to let me stat 30 days. I owed them respect for at least that much. – She needed to get back to work, I needed to get in touch with PJ who is going through very much the same as Tony put me through. And he was in BTV. As I sat at the computer, sending him a msg, he arrived… and that is when the evening went insane! – PJnis NOT the type who can handle any stress. I’ve known this all along but tonight proved it beyond doubt. We sat in the mall for a brief while and he NEEDED to “get out!” Anxiety attack. So we walked… up to UVM. He wanted to get to a clinic or ER to get meds (clonipen!). We sat on campus, we strolled into the auditorium/chapel. I had to pee. We were by Fletcher Allen ER. I made the error: to go in to use the loo. HE got into Triage! For the next 2 hours I waited for him. I NEEDED to get back to the motel! HE came strolling out… they’d given him Ativan! For fux sake! He has a rent-free roof, the Food Shelf, a “Food Card” and about 20 years of familiarity here! Yet HE needed Ativan? But I was there… beside him… support. – We went back to the bus and parted, him to his rebt-free dungeon-a-la-Newburgh-Mack’s, me to the unknown of trying to keep from being hated and tossed into the streets with no shelter, no food, no money. Well, it put much into perspective indeed. Good heart, no constitution. – I was on a bus, in the dark, in the cold, in a place I emotionally call “Home” and mentally have no part of yet, on my way into a vast un-known… ALONE. – When I got off the bus I thoughtbof Janice’s words, I thought of my resudency and right to legal eviction and the time that could take. I thought of VT. I thought of a new “Life”… I went into the office. Kelly was there. – I told her, humbly and as much as I could get out at the moment. I braced for a “Get the hell out!” It didn’t come. What DID come was a compassionate smile and the words “There’s nothing you can do about it tonight, go have a good night.” I was actually stunned, didn’t know what to think or feel! I wanted to cry, hug her, just thank her over and over! I came to the room, sat on the bed, not knowing what to think or feel. HUMANITY! – I had 2 Ramen noodles and prepared for bed. Kelly was right: nothing could be done tonight.

*********

(For 29 November 2012 – Entered: 30 November 2012 at 22.00)
* Tuesday 2. Nov: Right now, it was only yesterday but I don’t remember. Actually, I think what I put down for Monday actually was Tuesday! Yesterday, not Monday. No, the talk with Kelly DID happen on Tuesday night. The talk with Janice happened on Tuesday. I’m afraid the not eating is taking hold. I’m going distorted. Something’s quite wrong. The toll is being taken. I have to check my Twitter then try this journal again.

(Entered: 1 December 2012 at 22.23)
* Tuesday 29 Nov. NOT the 2nd! And honestly, I’ve lost the day! I don’t remember it! I do recall having come… no… that recollection was of Wednesday. It’s gone… Tuessay’s gone. Stress and starvation. I’m too old for this now. Too old.

(For 30 November 2012 – Entered on 1 December 2012 at 22.41)
* Wednesday 30 Novembre: It was yesterday. So little remembered. So much, lost. What is still “here” in my rotting mind: A customer called from Calif. She’s Canadienne! She was amazed that I speak Canadian English. It’s sll coming back here for some reason. But how she went on about it. She brightened my day SO much!!! – This evening, met with PJ in BTV for quite a while. We strolled, talked, he promised much food tomorrow (today, as I journal). He wanted to fix a full dinner at Geoff’s for the 3 of us. (When I got in tonight I knew the trots were coming. I cancelled via e-mail. Put food in now and I’d have no control. It would be an evening of me in Geoff’s loo, horrirs on the walk to the bus, terror on the bus. I knew.) – Got back to the NS about 19.30. Kelly was in 35, sitting in the open door, having a drink. She met me in the parking lot. I told of an application for line of credit, would take 24-48 hours for results. My personal “extensionR#8221; to Friday, at least. When I asked if she’d spoken to Shelly: “No. Unh uh. You’re really not due until today anyway. I checked the book.” So I guess I now go Tuesday-to-Tuesday because of the 30-days. – I came in, ate the last Ramen. – To bed… not to sleep… all night. Couldn’t fall asleep… brain wouldn’t stop. Then came the cold… then came the cold… then came… then came… the… cold.