1.Dec:
7.13(1Dec) To close the month: The car is out of the garage (again) with a new alternator (which is what I said was the trouble LAST WEEK)(but I’m too stoopid to know), at 500$. Not my car. Not my money. Not my concern. I dropped Moe at the flat, gathered my things & took off to Rockaway. Moe was supposed to come, walked into the flat, removed coat, had to pee, said he was “shakey”. I was ticked. It was 13.30. I’d SAID I NEEDED to get to the PO BEFORE 16.00! AGAIN! NO CONSIDERATION. – Wellsir. In the schpritz, I DID get to the PO & got “the cert.ltr.”. From Noah. A “10-day Notice” to pay Aug.-Nov. rent. Jun.-Jul. disappeared. Hmmm. OK. But NO LT I/D Nr.! So I wonder WTF I can do w/it. I’ll find out WHEN I CAN… – Then to Tilden PO for a couple of things & to Bedlam to un-pack, quick-wash jeans, sweat-shirt. – HAD to get to the market too. Laundry soap, food. – Walking through the parking-lot, I rang Ev to up-date. JEEZUSKRISTE! SHE’S going to tell ME WTF I need to do about the lettre, the landlord, the court! I told THEM about the trouble w/the house. SHE ADMITTED I was RIGHT about THAT! BUT then SHE’S telling ME about MY situation! NEXT? The bloody car. SO IMPORTANT to get it back RIGHT AWAY! Like I’m goinglto run off w/it! I’m running to get MY things done after A WEEK of ATTENDING THEM & she’s pressing me! Things are about to change. Add: the potential Thurs. case I was offered. What am I going to do about that because SHE HAS TO KNOW. WHAT? I’d TOLD her I wouldn’t take it this week because I’d committed to them for Thurs. I sort of lost my composure. SAID that I’m RUNNING round, NOT reading the papers or napping. FKME! I’m really fed-the-fk-up with this. For 10/hr? – Helene’s Matt was crossing the parking-lot. More BS about calling me. Bummed smokes. Yeah, well. – Got my marketing done. Liver for dinner, soap, ice cream, vodka. It was early enough to have a bite, some drinks, some fun for Nick. – I decided to bringlthe car tomorrow. No rush. Not me. Tough shit for them. MY TIME TONIGHT! ME! NOT YOU!

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(PostTime: 13.43)12.38 Got to the library. Fixed this journal & Twitter. Printed “yehudahbenhagalut”. Reading in the country. Decided to go to storage. Stopped at PO bedore. Noah rec’d my lettre. OK then. Storage took mere moments. HomeDepot Erskine! Clamps(nip). Lysol. Got 4 clamps. The registre wouldn’t scan the 4th. (Can walk to HD fm HB!-Howard Beach) Now am at Grotts’… in the car. Have luggage. Am hungry, tired.
(PostTime: 19.23)18.13 WHERE did the hours go? – I really felt badly about leaving Pat & Anthony to-night. That sub had better be GOOD! – The cat was super friendly. The dog nudged me but stayed in the floor. All told, a good day. As I was leaving, Anthony handed me an enveloppe. Pat kept saying “It’s not much.” But… a really beautiful card and a 20! It’s 20 more than any others gave. (Though Tret gave 50.). It’s TRULY A GREAT GIFT from these people! – Drove directly. Parked on B113 in the usual spot. Tomorrow I’ll do shopping before heading out. – Packing is a misery. I have NO “formal” wear any more! FK! And too much I WANT to bring (or I’d put EVERYTHING in storage)! (Bringing a bag w/pump. Why? Why not?) – Dinner: the remaining pasta. Frosted flakes for dessert. No drinks tonight. – ALL the wash is soaking. Hopefully the heater will dry it enough by morning. – Must eat, hang wash. No TIME!
(PostTime 21.03) 19.56 Nr.7: Door-slamming, yelling, TV blaring. – Earlier, a call from J. Miller: “I hope you’re not causing any problems.” Oh, the harassment papers will be filed! – No msg. from LMJ or Schmulik. The latter? What-ever. Really. I try to be-friend. Enough. The former? He works very hard. – Meanwhile, dinner & laundry are done. Packing too. – Moe rang: bring the BP cuff. I’d already packed it. Rude of me, I continued my wash w/him on the line. I told him I was busy. – Ah, the noise here though. 10 days away from it! – Want to play w/Nick but am SO tired again to-night. TOO tired… even to stim!

23.Dec:
(PostTime: 6.47) 5.34 How ridiculous is this? We agreed to leave at 13h (I, however, will be there BEFORE that hour); I’ve only some shopping to get done, but here I am (I wanna tell ya) (Little Jim, Calvary), awake & on the move already. I woke, for some reason, at 1.40, & drifted back to sleep to the sound of the babbling drain this morning. Charming. – Anyway, the packing’s done(ish). – But it’s going on 3 days & Nick’s been, well, lethargic. I do NOT like this. And Inet surfing makes no difference. Hmmmm. Holidays, or what? There’d better be something a-waitin’ in the country. Or maybe I’ll just hunt something down out there (MALL! How “sub-urbia!). – 5.43 & somebody’s already at the glass door… in & out. – J.Mil’s msg. of lsst eve is annoying me already (still); hoping I’m not causing problemmes. I’d truly enjoy receiving a call like that whilst I’m away. All goes to the Courts at this juncture. (May it come in a Tue. or Thu.!) – For now, last min. get-my-shit-together chores. (My stomach is sour. I should be enjoying this… but, as is my “norm”, I can’t.)
(PostTime: 2.55 24.Dec.2010)(23Dec.Thu.)1.25 OK! Backlin CT. Exhausted (& COLD!). – I got out at about 9.30, boldly walked w/all luggage. Figured: Fk the idiots! But no-one noticed. The alarm & timer are on. – Headed to Waldbaums for the groceries for CT. As I’m in produce I hear “Day off there Mister?” Donna G.! (They believe I’m off to Mtl. for the wk. Lvg. at 13h. I was shopping at 10.) I said I was working at the moment (not a lie) & would be leaving when done (not a lie). So we chatted a bit. Me, I feel good w/my Old Rock connexions. Anyway, got most of what was in “the list” AND MY 5% DISCOUNT next purch! – So, had time, wanted hangers. Off to Mill Spring Mall, Target. Such fun driving there! So very quick. 1,5mi. fm. CrossBayBlvd/Q41 bus! Walking path on So.side of The Belt! Yay! So, nothing at Target. Browsed Marshall’s. PACKED w/shoppers! Stopped at BedBathBeyond. Hangers x10. OK. (And “Brian”, employee? Gawjus!) – Great timing… off to M&E. – I got there early. They’d packed quite a bit. I wasn’t sure there’d be room in the car. (I got it all in though.) A s usual, last min. stuff. I grabbed as much as possible, went for the car. A paper bag ripped… SHOES! Youd’ve thought Moe was planning a hike! But, I got all into the car. When I got back to the floor, they were waiting right at the lift! We were off. – The drive: quite pleasant. Flurries in Wchester. WINTER! Ev snoozed. Moe & I schmoozed. There we were: Rest stop on the Hutch. Got gas. I insisted Moe use his cane, not walker. He did SO VERY WELL! (They’re talking going to opera mext month!) And, back onlthe rd. – CT! – Ev wanted to go to TraderJoe’s. I’d forgotten. Moe suddenly tells me AS WE PASS THE EXIT! BUT… I keep calm. Off at next exit. And I know where we are! So, back to TJ’s. I popped in RiteAid for cigs.x4. Almost HALF the price of NYC! Then to help at TJ’s: to keep the shopping down. NO ROOM IN THE CAR! – DONE… TO THE LAKE! – We finally arr’d about 16h! I IMMED. built a fire. We had lunch. – I wanted some things at RiteAid (& time to drive… ALONE…

24.Dec:
(2.08 A belt of v. Just in fm a smoke. WOAH! COLD!) So, after we all had a sandwich, off I went. Stopped to buy GreyGoose & vermouth (good martinis for tomorrow evening). Got ME a Smirnoff (I’m not going this one totally dry). The liquor prices are SO reasonable here! – RiteAid for paper goods (& my own provisions). Forgot 1 item. But people here are kinder. I had nice chat w/cashier. Stop’n’Shop for some stuff for the house & fire-wood, starter logs. (I’m spending ALL too much. But WTF?) – The drive is amazing! I KNOW my way around! Moe marvels how quickly I learn the terrain. Hmmm. – Got back about an hour later to dinner ready. – Moe sort of hurt me when, instead of just saying “Thanks” for the martini stuff he said “You really shouldn’t have.” It just hurt me. But I said I’ll not do it again & moved on. – Re-built the fire & sat to dinner. FOOD! I was truly quite hungry. – After dinner, coffee & tea, chat. – Well, they’re so appreciative for my help. And I’m so thrilled to be here (aside from shitty cell svce). – We all were still up at 24h! – Came down to un-pack. Suddenly, BANG! Ev dropped something in the kitchen… directly over-head. I joked it off when I went to check on her. But it JOLTED the hell out of me! I WANT PEACE! I NEED PEACE! Ah well, anyway. – We made it. – I could use one load-pop really seriously. Brought everything. Still wearing the cod. Mayhaps tomorrow, down-back. – For now? I’f like to check e-mails, &c. but it takes too long w/bad signal. And I should try for some sleep now. – We made it! CT!
9.44 There’s nothing like sleep in the woods. I finally went right out & into deep, restful sleep. Heard the 8.00 alarm & didn’t bother to wake. Ahhh… Woke about 9. Peed, cafe-loo, & out for the paper & a smoke. -3 says NOAA. Clear morn. Brisk & lovely. – Moe’s stirring about. The Rollator is going across my head. (There is no “perfect peace”… in life; but this is fine.) – Just figured: 11 days here. I do need it. Hopefully I win’t have to be back in Queens on Tuesday because of court! Let’s say “I won’t” right now & put that statement out to the Metaphysical. – I’ve a but of a tooth-ache: upper-right, last tooth. It’s been bothering me. Another one due to go. – And the Wolverines are out, on the floor. Reminder: I NEED to get rid of something. Nick needs some serious attention. I need to figure out “HOW”! – I also need to clean the fire-place, file my nails, & such. – Taylor will be visuting on the wk-end (o joy). (Why couldn’t it be her father? Why did he have to be so thorough in clearing out of here?) – OK. On w/the day. The signal here is shit. Have to put the phone in the wondow & wait… The one thing I truly don’t like here. I wish they had Internet… But; y’know? Y’know.
(PostTime: 10.46 25.Dec.2010) (24.Dec.Fri.)9.17 It began “normally” w/the cleaning of the fire-place, then starting a new fire for the day. After all, today is Christmas Eve. Must have a fire in the place. Then, sitting down to morning coffee, but this morn I was hungry. I ate 2 bowls of cereal! And good thing too… I SPLIT FIRE-WOOD! Went into the tool room, found the wedge & sledge, & headed out to the “wood-pile” at about noon. By 14.00 most of the logs were split, the rest got stacked under the tarp. The old log-pile is gone & there’s a stack of split wood on the porch! What a great feeling of accomplishment! – With-out time to shower, we were in the car & off to market. That’s something else I rather enjoy, knowing my way now. – LOTS of shopping at Stop&Shop. The reports are talking Winter “storm” & the folks are buying into it. But I grabbed a cart & did what I could. It was 2-carts, & me pushing-pulling to the car. – On the drive back, Ev began telling me how much they appreciate my patience w/them. I told the truth: it’s nothing… (I DO understand there are things that take time for them; after all, I’m not as quick as I used to be.) – A stop at Chuck’s Steak-house for a gift card for Pete & back to “the ranch”. – Re-build the fire whilst the groceries got un-packed. Noshes before dinner. TV BLARING. That bothered me a bit. TOO loud & nobody paying attention. Then Ev mentioned the martinis… Me? I took 2 hits fm. my stock before & went to making 3 in a pitcher. Used a juice glass to measure. Just over 3 drinks. – Moe didn’t finish his (so I had mine, his & the extra… plus what I’d swigged). Ev’s hit her. – Dinner: turkey fm. Txgvng, baked potato, veg. Good stuff. And then the night got interesting. – I thought the martinis would knock them out. Moe was tired to begin with & went to bed (23.00?). Ev stacked the dish-washer & got to talking… the kids, adoption, Lois & Keith. Keith is much like most of “his kind”: claims he wants a little cabin in the woods, likes the “rough’n’tough” out-doors, that kind of life… BUT…

25.Dec:
(PostTime: 11.04 25.Dec.2010) Get right down to it, as w/his house & fancy cars, he REALLY wants to be bigger, better, larger, richer. The kind who goes “roughing it” in an RV rather than a tarp tent. Right. The kind folks like me want to take into the woods,ltie tola tree & show ’em what “Deliverance” was REALLY all about. – Enough said. The day ended. The split wood actually burned rather nicely. Lights out. – But poor Nick! He’s been in the cod x3 days, 24hours! Maybe it was the martinis, but I wired-up for a “test”: using the “flange” as well, I’ve learnt I CAN trode-up & get about! Probably even round the mall & such. I went out for my smoke, buzzin’. But that was all. Saturday will be a trip down-back & Nick will be “took care of” to-be-sure… I don’t want to rush. It’s been a while… Poor little guy.
(25.Dec.Sat.) 9.59 I slept through the 8.00 alarm again. Woke about 8.59. I’ve had my coffee, 1st smoke. Got this entred. Nick’s wrapped in 183cm leather boot-lace (purch’d yest. S&S) & still in the cod. I’m almost ready to get out, down back. But could use another smoke right now. – Over-cast day & maybe some wood-splitting or something. But NO work! Today, Nick’s my focus.
(PostTime: 17.40 25.Dec.2010) 16.31 Well, at about 11, I (FK! I no sooner get to this down-stairs & Moe says “Bring your crochet up & sit by the fire.” I HAVEN’T STOPPED DOING SINCE WE GOT HERE! I’m bloodyfking TIRED!) Anyway, I headed down back, troded & determined. Into the rocks. On went the new nip-clamps, out came the poppers. BUT it took the longest while, & it really wasn’t the culmination I’d hoped for… after what, 3 days? When it was done, I headed back up the hill. Came upon some great ice covering the stone. Took photos. Saw the water trickling under the ice. Beautiful. – Got back to the house at 13.00. M&E were awake. Ev offered “brunch” & I ate well… in between cleaning the fire-place & keeping the fire… And it’s been non-stop since. – I’m going to nap. I need a shower too! Get right down to it, as w/his house & fancy cars, he REALLY wants to be bigger, better, larger, richer. The kind who goes “roughing it” in an RV rather than a tarp tent. Right. The kind folks like me want to take into the woods,ltie tola tree & show ’em what “Deliverance” was REALLY all about. – Enough said. The day ended. The split wood actually burned rather nicely. Lights out. – But poor Nick! He’s been in the cod x3 days, 24hours! Maybe it was the martinis, but I wired-up for a “test”: using the “flange” as well, I’ve learnt I CAN trode-up & get about! Probably even round the mall & such. I went out for my smoke, buzzin’. But that was all. Saturday will be a trip down-back & Nick will be “took care of” to-be-sure… I don’t want to rush. It’s been a while… Poor little guy.
(PostTime: 1.54 26.Dec.2010) (25.Dec.Sat.) 0.32 I need a vacation. Coming here to CT is great for peaceful sleep (when it comes). But the days are non-stop something to be done. Wood for the fire, keeping the fire, being some-where for some-thing. Today’s respite was this morning’s “down-back session” (which cleared a lot of physical tension but did nothing for the general libido). – At about 16.00 I HAD to get away to the room. Moe put on a Baroque LP & I was looking fwd to listening. The turn-table has problemmes, speeding up, slowing down. The music was distorted. AND LOUD! LOUD! LOUD! I came down-stairs to bal. the cheque-book (MCU’s off by 27$. A MetroCard fare. Did I mistakenly use the TD? I don’t know & will have to hope I can get a cell signal tomorrow to check.) Then, I HAD to close my eyes & did until 17.30! Woke to Moe calling for me: come, bring the crochet. But the fire was out. He’d thrown a log on but… Then dinner. Drinks before. V-tonic for them. Grey Goose up for me. Soup was perfect tonight. The chicken was warming & filling. Cake & tea for dessert. Ev cooked & baked today. Bless her. & she insists upon serving & clearing. I went back to the fire. – At 23.00 I said I was going to bed. I’d planned for earlier but we got into a movie on ch.13. So, they agreed it was bed-time. They’d both slept til noon today. – Ev’s hands hurt. Arthritis, she sats. I gave her some hand warmers (circulation). Came down-stairs… SHOWER TONIGHT! NECESSARY. The cod’s been on since Thurs. The loggers are my only shoes. (Wow, do I want to fk them now! LMJ too!) But it feels good to be clean. I need to make a wash as well. – There’s a threat of a Nor’easter coming tomorrow night. SNOW! YAY! No doubt I’ll shovel. No prob. But in the morn. I’m going to Dick’s to xchange the boots. Maybe get a sleeping bag/pillows for here. – They want to go to dinner in Thurs. I have nothing to wear (& don’t want to go anyway). I’ll be coerced. Lois & Diane will go. I need to find the perfect excuse. – Time for sleep now… Hope Moe won’t roll about tonight.

26.Dec:
9.24 Slept past the alarm yet again. I just never want to wake. Sleep. Just sleep. But the mall doesn’t open until 10 or 11 do no harm done. – Had my smoke. Fetched the paper. (Morning chore. I wonder who’d do that were I not here.) Need to clean the fire-place. Should’ve split more logs. – The forecast is 100% * * * SNOW * * * and quite lots of it, today & tonight. There’ll be shoveling a-comin’. But that’s OK. Gets me “alone time”. – It’s a fk, wondering how my things are in Rockaway. Is everything in the room, or out in the street? And Monday… shit, tomorrow… will the court slap me with a Monday hearing or will I be on the bloody train, in the snow, Monday night? Fate FORBID that I should experience too mych (any at all) peace! – Well, that’s tomorroe… HEY! Maybe the snow will shut them down & all will be thrown off anyway. I can hold that hope. – For now, the plan to get out of here before the Armegeddon snows &… what-ever.
(26.Dec.Sun.) 0.42 & holy shit is the wind howling! But it’s been quite a day. QUITE a day. I woke about 9. I TRIED to balance the accounts via phone. Differences (in my favour) on BOTH! FK! – They woke about 10. I cleaned the fire-place. built a fire. (My mornings here.) By 11 there was the slightest dusting of snow & the TV/radio were focused on a TERRIBLE, GOD-AWFUL STORM! OK. By about 12 I couldn’t take iy any longer; the media & the folks. I grabbed the key & headed out in the car, for the mall to exchange the damned boots. The roads were fine! The snow was coming down. It was lovely. (I hadn’t showered! I’d wanted to before the mall but I HAD to get out!) – Dick’s: Exchanges are handled by several people but I actually got the 10,5 boots. (Warned another fellow about the stretching.) AND I got a sleeping bag for about 21$. It’s NOT the one I’d wanted, NOT the one on the display. But I’m totally fed-up w/shopping bull-shit any more. It serves its purpose: a little masculinity in this room, & extra protection fm the coolness (perfect timing on that!). Next? A small table lampe. Covered the entire mall. NOTHING! BUT… went into Macy’s & got TWO firm pilloes ON SALE! “Calvin Klein” excuse me. But 1 was 50% off, tge other, 50% off the sale price! Woah! (And they’re really OK.) – Back to the house by 13h. The drive was perfectly fine. – More work on the fire. A quick clean-up on the drive. The snow was coming. More work on the fire & fire-wood. I think I got to the shower about 15h. – THEN! O THEN! OH! THEN… Dave, the plumber shows. OMGOMGOMG! YESYESYES! GAW-JUS! He comes in, very nice. Starts to look at what’s needed. Goes uo-stairs. I come down thinking “Please don’t let him leave his boots doen here…” OH DEAR GAHD FK ME SO HARD… HE DID! Sz13w! Not particular turn-ons but HIS! I wanted them! (The saving bit? VERY CLEAN, no “foot sweat”. DAMN! But…) He’s walking about in stocking feet! I was dying inside! OH! BUT he’s returning Tuesday to do some work! Me? I’ll be prepped to TAKE! FK! Y-not?
(PostTime: 2.27 27.Dec.2010) So Dave goes. It’s evening. I TRY to bring the afghan up to work on it. Right! Work on the fire. Do I want dinner? What am I making? Do I want to watch what’s on the TV? I opt for dinner. OK. Soup/padta. It’s suddenly 20h, the snow is every-which-where. OUT TO THE DRIVE TO SHOVEL! – The wind is blowing, snow’s every-where. I begin… & keep at it. Heather & I chatted a bit. Not much. I actually did the drive (didn’t bother at the road though… too pooped & the plow’s still coming by. Only “visitors” expected tomorrow: Keith/Taylor. Let them walk through a snow-bank. – Well, by 23.28 I’d “done”. Came in. Ev still awake watching TV… We schmoozed… Moe suggested she come out & tell me to STOP SHOVELING! They KNOW I’d been looking fwd to it! NO “Thank you” & shut up. Just throwing crap. Old folks… inconsiderate. OK So I won’t do it any more. – I had a pomegeanate juice, said g’night, came down-stairs. A belt of Smirnofflto wash down the Midol, a hot shower (I no longer care if they can hear te water running). – Finally! In bed! I’d taken the lampe from the desk. It mellows this room nicely. And so… – Keith might bring Taylor tomorrow. I’m locking this door to the room! – Nodding off here. Want a smoke but the WIND out there! (Maybe I’ll TRY the window.) SO TIRED. I’m trying for sleep!

27.Dec:

1.31 Tried to smoke, blow it out the window. Nope. BUT THE WIND IS HOWLING!!! Amd it’s COLD in here DAMNIT! – I hope The City is closed… the courts in particular.
8.51 Yes, awake. The whole house. Taylor has arr’d. I heard Keith’s voice earlier but I don’t know how since there’s only 1 set of foot-prints in the snow on the drive & he didn’t drive up (bet. the plow & the fact that I didn’t shovel an opening to drive in). But, the house is active. – The car is buried. The wind is gusting. It’s brusk out there (I’ve had my smoke). Oh, & the sun is breaking through. NOAA reports 50% chance of 2-5cm more snow today, rising temps through the week… RAIN/SNOW on SUNDAY! We’re supposed to return Sunday! O JOY! Driving w/the folks in that weather? O well. – I wonder how Rockaway is holding Last night there were buoy reports of “34ft waves” off the coast. Hmmm… I wonder if the courts convened. I wonder… but I can’t care. – The fire-place needs cleaning. A fire needs building. I don’t care today. I shouldn’t have bought the martinis; Ev should have stopped me from shoveling… perhaps I should lock me in this room, let them fend as they would had I not been here. The drive should be cleared, the car un-covered. I’ll have Heather tell Pete that he can plow the drive. I’m in no mood. If I could, I’d head for the mall. – I need to wash out a few things anyway. – The “fun” is gone. The pleasure of “doing” has been taken away. I’ll see if I can find info on the courts. – Much, much wind out there.
12.24 I went back to sleep. Several odd dreams that I don’t remember. Escape dreams really. At 12.00 Ev knocked. I said I’d napped. – Call from unknown nr. just now. I wonder… But I really don’t; court? I’ll phone at 14.00. Watch; I’ll be trying to get to a train tonight. It would be my fate. Meanwhile, my fate lies up-stairs. I don’t want to go… but must.
23.12 I tried to get the court this after-noon. The call connected, somebody answered, THE BLOODY SIGNAL DROPPED! O SHIT ON THIS DAMNED PHONE! So I went out & shoveled. Got the car all cleared & runnung warm. Did the ENTIRE drive! The snow at thr end was hip-deep! But it’s ALL done. (Photos taken too!) AS I finished, Pete came up the road. Cheerie. He plowed wgat I’d scattered in the road (not much) & went on w/his drive. I feel I should tell him I enjoyed shoveling. Last night Ev said Heather might think they’re takimg advantage of me. & I hope Pete doesn’t think I’m intrudung since he’s always done the druve. SHIT! I can’t JUST enjoy my time here! I did the steps to the front door. Then round back for the fire-wood in the deck. Poor Taylor; she wanted to come out with me but the folks wouldn’t permit. (Keith didn’t send her dressed sufficiently, so they claim.) Anyway, I got to the wood & immediately got the fire going. It was non-stop again today! – Next thing, Keith arrives to collect Taylor. A hearty hand-shake & “NICE JOB on the shoveling!” I asked how he knew I’d done it. “Shovel marks. And I knew Morris didn’t do it.” (By the way… Morris said “Thank you” & left it at that. They’re learning.) – He’s got some attractiveness, but no upper lip & today I noticed & wondered whatlexactly Lois saw in Keith. He’s great for “now” but not rwally for “ever”. Maybe it’s me. Then again, it was the boots. – Well, as she git ready to leave, Taylor dropped the jar of shells I’d brought for her. The jar broke. I cleaned it up. No big deal. It’s what happens when one gives something to kids. Ev says she was “upset”. WHAT-ever. – OK WELL THEN… Ev spoke w/Beth this evening. Rockaway: NO A TRAIN, NO BUSSES. Good! Push the courts! – I napped an hour. Dinner. Tend the fire. BUSY! Dinner. – Tomorrow bet. 9/9.30 DAVE returns! A LOT TO BE DONE! MAYbe I’ll GET the boots! (It’d be bloodyfkin’ INTENSE if Dave could be w/them but… Meanwhile, I’ll wait my opportunity & be fine w/what I get.) 23.37 Showered. Need a nap! (& a load.)
Oh. The 10,5 Wolverines? Great! – In closing: Yes, I AM thinking of what’s to be done about my housing & IF I’ll be going back to The Shelter & HOW I’ll be getting better work (& NOT this HomeCare shit). Yes, I’m charging 25/hr from now on. BUT I’m NOT going to be doing this for 2011! – And as a memo: I’m HOPING for CA/lung… N.O.W. NOW! Hello, Mom? NOW please. Thank you. THIS here is EE-nuf!

28.Dec:
7.50 Everything out-side the window is a-wash in orange sun-light this morning & the sun rises directly into the window from the right. I’ve had my smoke. Brisk out there this morning. – Last night I looked-up the court case. No info other than what I already know. Good or bad? No way to be certain. I wonder what’s going on in the house. I thought: radio & lampe, the only 2 big items to be lost. Books too though. Esp. the DSM-IV. Costly books. – No doubt about it, I need to look for better work. The 1st week of this year… NEW JOB! I’ve done it before. I can certainly do it again. – This morning, the plumber. 9-9.30. ‘twould be ever so if that would be “something”. Yeah, but the reality… At my age? Not really. Oh well. – Clean the fire-place. Then? Then… – These days are passing quickly. Thurs. will be here. I don’t want to go to dinner w/the folks but I thought: I’m probably their “comfort”… in case. The “Health Companion”. So I must. I’ll have to check my accounts, get a shirt/sweater. What-ever I get stays here (sleeping bag included perhaps… I have the heater in Rockaway now). And I must remember to knock 41$ out of TD for storage. Oh it never ends, never ends. – But the 2 pillows were a great investment, as were the boots. – Now to figure what to do about Nick. Before or during Dave? Give me the opportunity, something to send to LMJ. Hmmm…
14.56 TIRED! AND NO PLUMBER! Tomorrow morning. Nick’s pretty miserable about it. Me too. – I found the water shut-off, under the snow. – Did the fire. – Oh I want a nap! Ev wants to go out for dinner. – No info on-line r/t court. – TIRED!
23.15 The day is OH-VUH & SO IS THIS GIG! So too, my stint in HealthCare. Time to move on or check out! After a day of sitting, waiting for the plumber, I FOUND THE DAMNED WATER MAIN, cleared it off. Suggested cooking the turkey carcass for soup. It’s done. Then, at about 15.30 Ev decided we could go to Chuck’s for dinner, then Stop&Shop. No prob. BUT, the “Early Bird” was only until 18h. &, of course, they BOTH waited until 17.15 to START to get ready. Well, no prob. BUT THEN the smoke alarm went. I say it’s because of all the bloody PAPERS Moe insists MUST be burned. (But I don’t know what I’m talking about. Of course. OK.) So that distracts. – We left late, I KNEW the general directions BUT Moe had OTHERS. FINALLY Ev repeated my directions. We arr’d 17.56! I dropped them at the door & parked. – Dinner was OK. I had a manhattan, catfish, coffee. (About 12$/67$.) BEFORE we even finished salad, Moe SPILLED A WHOLE GLASS OF CABERNET… ON ME! AND MY BACK-PACK. Lip svce. apologies. Ev said I should go buy new pants (my “good” black jeans) & “we’ll pay”. I wanted a dry cleaner! BUT my hoodie got soaked too! That should be washed! And, of course, my under-wear. WELL! I let it go, made nice over dinner. – Dinner done, they went to the loo. I checked the courts. ***ADJOURNED!!!*** OK! – Off to Stop&Shop. At a point, I was in the wrong lane & had to hear “Turn left” repeated. There was a CAR on my left! FK! AT the mkt. we went in. I bolted for wax-logs, shitfirewood, a colour log, pom.juice, Through the self-check, packed the trunk, back into the store. No prob. – I KNOW how to get back to the house so I head the way I KNOW! Moe tells me go the opposite. OK! I STOPPED THE CAR, TOLD HIM TO DRIVE & I GOT OUT! I WAS SERIOUS & FED UP! (BEFORE WE LEFT QUEENS HE PULLED THE SAME SHIT & I TOLD HIM, IN THE CAR, x2, HE HAD ONE MORE SHOT & I WAS DONE!) Well, I got back in the car, he made a snide joke & I WAS FINISHED!!! – We get back to the house, I bring everything in, clean the fire-place, set a wax-log to burn. I’m OK… BUT!
(PostTime: 1.01 29.Dec.2010) As I was going for a smoke I hear Ev tell Moe that I’m upset, that I told him before we left Queens about the driving (I’d told her when we got into the house that I wad upset)… I heard him tell her “I didn’t hear…” WELL O FUK! THAT WAS THE END! I went to the stairs, looked him in the eye, said I’d heard him & merely said that’s “BULL-SHIT!” Then said “When this week is over, it’s OVER!” I’d already told Ev they’ll have to arrange travel on Thurs. w/Lois because I’m not driving. (MY OUT!) I went for a smoke & re-do a section of shoveling on the drive. Came in, showered & wasted SO MUCH TIME looking for a dry cleaner. I think I found one. I don’t KNOW the ENTIRE bloody area! – Well, truth: I worry about having an accident w/them in a car I don’t trust to begin with. I certainly don’t need last second decisions/directions, the repetition of turns, & the likes. Bad enough he wanted to re-adjust the side-views so HE could see traffic! I DO NOT need the tension, aggravation, annoyance. AND… I CAN’T TAKE ANY MORE! Not to mention that “I didn’t hear”! So yes, I need to pack things I intended to leave here (& put them into storage). Yes, THIS was my “bread & butter”… in “HealthCare”. BUT IT’S TIME TO MOVE OUT, MOVE ALONG, just MOVE! I’m F.I.N.I.S.H.E.D.!!! And they CAN’T say they didn’t get their money’s worth: car, shovel, split wood, buy wood, clean fire-place, find water main, &c. I FKIN DID! I need a bloody holiday after ciming here! So that covers it. – Meanwhile, it’s LATE AGAIN & I need to be at the cleaners before 10.00 (fukd out of Dave tomorrow now! Or I’ll go Thurs.) ANYWAY, I’m in “my” room. Had a large gulp v. & almost done w/the pom juice. The Rollator’s rumbling over-head. The log should be done soon. Amd I don’t bloody care! – Back to THE SHELTER! WHY THE DUK NOT AT THIS POINT? OR…
ATROPA

29.Dec:
(PostTIme: 11.05 30.Dec.2010))(29.Dec.Wed.) I woke at about 6h, grabbed a shower, gathered my dry cleaning, jotted a note. As I wentlup-stairs, Ev was at table. She says “I want you to buy new pants.” I just said “No” & I must get the stuff in by 10. I left by about 9. Direct to the cleaners. Very nice young (22y/o) girl. Said she’d driven 84, never knew life w/o it. Asked what “body of water” the bridge went over! How cute. I pre-pd. 24$ jeans, hoodie, sweat. Then to RiteAid, cigs. Back to the house… It began w/a bit of tension this morning. I’d’ve let it go but the “driving” bothered M&E so it had to be discussed. Then Moe hands me a note that he’d written during the night. Yes, he admits that he’s having troubles focusing & comprehending. To me, this is troubling. He is losing some faculties. I’m appreciative & understanding, & sympathetic. Truly. But I can’t let it just float away. Ev says that she doesn’t want our “friendship” to dissolve “in anger”. I’m not “angry”, I just can’t take the un-necessary stress when I’m responsible for the car AND THEM through this thing… Finally, the subjuct changes, I clean the fire-place, start a fire. – Next line of business, clear snow from the porch. – Dave… shows up, gets right to work. Didn’t say he was here. We heard him cutting the old valve. Anyway, he kept busy all the while… and kept his boots on! DAMN! I wasn’t even afforded that simple pleasure today! But I got to talk w/him. OK. Not the “perfection” I’d seen, but O YES! I most certainly would do! (The bill, BTW, 450!) – Ev suggests she give me a cheque for time/expenses, I should take the car, go find the banque, take the day alone. She feels I feel confined because I’m used to traveling about (Bklyn, Manhtn, &c). OK. She’d given me 25$ to cover dry cleaning. Cq. for 205. I was out by 15h for Redding. Asked Pete for directions It was simple… NOT! – WHAT an adventure it became! Armed w/maps fm the phone book & quick directions fm Pete, I headed out… 1st left, next left, then right… then… OBLIVION!…

30.Dec:
(PostTime: 11.36) Roads through woods that led to more woods that ended in no-where w/lovely houses in the middle of nothing. Beautiful scenery. Lovely country-side. Over hills. Around bends. “Simpaugh Tpke”, “Umpawaugh Rd.”, ” Marchant Rd.”. “Redding Ctr.”: a cross-road in no-where, a church & nothing. MILES of this sort of thing. No banque, no business. Over rail-road, Saugatuck River. If I’d had time & a reliable car, it would have been magnificent! But I had neither. What amazes me is I remembered how to get back to Waubeka! And so, by 16.45 I was at the dry cleaners in Mill Pond! WOW! But no banque. – The clothes are perfect! As if never worn. I’m very happy, indeed. – In the parking lot, I decided to phone TD for directions. The fellow (Dave) noted there’s NOTHING on Google maps (duh… I KNEW THAT!), put me through to the branch. An Asian man asks: “Are you familiar w/the Georgetown P.O.?” I told him I’d be coming fm. Rte.7/84. AH-HAH! Rte.7 joins 107. Half-mile in, there’s the banque. Open til 20h. Well I was on my way! – Holy shit! As I passed Starrs Plain, Rte7 became SOSOSO FAMILIAR! It’s the route I used to drive to/fm Milford… after work at E.T.C. in Nwbgh! In the 1970’s! Well SHIT! Very similar, some changes, but still… SO VERY FAMILIAR! – BINGO! 107. Turn. Banque! Roger was the Asian. Introduced himself. Rosa, the teller. Tiny banque. EVER SO “Home-town” folksy. The kicker? I’d been on the way, back in “the woods”. Rte53 split into 107 but I ventured off to stay on 53 which disappeared some-where. Had I followed instinct, I’d’ve come right to the banque! Not to mention, the place is about 7mi./15mins. fm the house AND I’d been driving paralell to Rte7, in the woods, not so far away, ALL ALONG! JEEZ-USS! – Got back ay about 17.45, quite fatigued. As I say, IF time & car were good, it would have been great fun. But, it really wasn’t. – The fire’d gone out. I re-built. Ev was dozing. Moe woke her. We had dinner. THEN Ev rang Lois, r/t tomorrow (Thurs.) & transport to Ondine’s. I guess they (M&E) thought I’d change my mind about not driving them to dinner. WELL! As Ev tells: Lois AGREES w/me about the stress, & will come to get them. Ev wants me to go too. I still don’t want to go. Anyway, Lois suggested Moe dit in the back seat… but asked “How are you gettimg back?” (to Queens, if I don’t drive… as if I’d leave them here. FK.) OK. Lois will get them tomorrow. Done. – Some tenor on PBS tonight. They watched. I did the fire & kept me occupied. MY day was “productive”. I WORKED… for THEM, for ME because of them. – OH… I looked-up the COURT CASE: ADJOURNED TO 25 JANUARY! Tues. (Moe has Hecht that day… too bad. I HAVE COURT!) – By 23.30 we’d gone to retire. – THEN, I had no choice… NICK! He got boots, stim, hand-job, poppers tonight. We were both quite determined. My “concentration” was off, but dtermination prevailed! Not exactly wonderful, but productive… I need a LONG SESSION…
10.54 On date. Snoozed past the alarms. Up at about 9. Washed my whites (towel too). Cold water only (I needed hot… but…). All’s done. Moe’s wandering about up-stairs. There was no paper again this morning. But I got the mail. Ev wouldn’t have been able to reach it over the snow. A clear day. Crisp. I’m in no mood for people & in no mood for people. But today’s their wedding anniversary & Ev’s 84th B’day. I MUST be CIVIL. – Time to “face the music… and dance”. SAVE ME!
14.43 My guts are churning. My beard & nails are trimmed. I do NOT want to go to dinner but I DO want to talk w/Lois. And I want a nap. And Nick wants to play. I’m tired. The fire is going. The house is quiet. I’m just out of it all. And word dm LMJ would be nice. Oh well.
23.13 Back fm dinner. It really was quite nice (reminded me of how I USED to live, what I USED to have – a suit – & drove my bitterness deeper into my core/corps). 400$ for 5 of us (2 bottles of bordeau… good too, 1 manhattan). My venison was truly good: tender, med.rare. Ondine’s is lovely & I came back not hungry. (DRC-FM 102,9 Hartford “If I Were A Carpenter”) – Before we left, Ev & I had a talk. Yes, Moe’s hearing is going, memory too. Parkinsons? Dementia? (If I Were Your Woman… Mark! G’s! Memories! And TOO close to their origins here!) If she sees it, it makes it easier for me to handle. Lois is understanding too. (If Loving You Is Wrong… Dennis Nixon… my HEART & SOUL! So close… so far away…) Says “Put him in the back”… of the car. Ev says Lois understands. I wonder “understands” or concerned about them being abandoned? What-evuh. So it was semi-settled & I think they know I’ll be there for them. – Meanwhile, I want to come back to the Country. It’s going to take A LOT of work to get here. But I DO SO MISS THIS. I’ve got A LOT to do to get here. And I MUST change jobs, no easy task these days. And, do I want CT or NY? Decision time. – I feel partly empty, having given nothing for their anniv. or Ev’s b’day. (Smokey: If You Can Want) But at 250/11days… CHEAP! Wood-splitting, shoveling, driving (If You Could Read My Mind… Liz hated it… too close). (If You Don’t Know Me By Now), stuff. I’ve “given”. Nobody else would. – These songs could kill me…

31.Dec:
1.33 Yes, still awake. I walked up-stairs, ready for sleep, Breakfast At Tiffany’s on TV. “Moon River”. Ann Kramer. This place is LOADED w/memories! I watched. It ended at 1.00. Now Moe’s not feeling well. The house is cold. I want to get out early. Go some-where, alone. They’ll sleep late. I hope I don’t. – 2 more days here. I don’t want to leave! – THIS WEEK, NEW YEAR, NEW JOB, GET OUT OF BEDLAM! PERIOD!
9.04 I don’t know why I set the alarms so esrly. Nothing here opens before 10. And I’m still not sure what I actually want to do this morning. But I do want to get out. Fire-wood (for tonight & tomorrow night… then it’s back to Hell). Gas in the car. Something to protect my boots from the miserable slush of NYC… it’s a mush-pit now, as I predicted because the snows were never taken care of there. What a city of morons & idiots. Yes, it IS time to get the fk out of there! AND Metro fares increased too! Cesspool that it is.) Anyway, M&E were awake until at least 2.00 this morn. I wonder how long they’ll sleep in. I wonder what was wrong w/Moe last night. I hope he’s better today. I do wonder if the travel/climbing in the Jeep got to him. Oh well. Leave me alone w/driving & we won’t be doing that again. – For now, must decide when to escape from here & what to accomplish. – MOST IMPORTANT: NEW JOB! THEN NEW LIVING QUARTERS! And no time to waste. There’ll be application for One-Shot coming on Tues. Re-do the CV. Registre w/agencies again. Juggle-in court. Much to do this week coming. MUCH to do. I’m still breathing, still here. NOW there’s a Metaphysical Debt to be satisfied… and I AM THE ONE WHO IS OWED! FTW! There you have it. – Now on w/this day…
(31.Dec.Fri.) I took the car at about 13h & headed out to the mall. Dick’s (don’t I truly wish!) for protectant for the Wolverines. There’ll be filthy slush in The City & the boots will need the barrier against it. Next: martini glasses for tonight (that never happened). NOT ONE in PotteryBarn, WmSonoma, Pennys! EVERY martini glass in Danbury was SOLD! save some MarthaStewart shit in Macy’s. Imagine: Even Macy’s has buckled under that cheap crap. (HomeDepot, K.Mart, now Macy’s! JEEZ-us!) OK &… Barnes&Nobles; a map of Danbury… NOT! Stop&Shop; logs & a map… logs, no map. Maps of Danbury & martini glasses. Hmmm… A run on those? Ah, CT. Next item, fill the tank, washlthe car. Mobil on Bacus/Kenosia. 30$ gas, 10$ wash. & there’s some kind of stuff on the car from the construction at “The Crescent” that won’t come off! But… the car got washed. – Time to head back… A quick stop at the liquor store: GreyGoose, tonic & “Kessler’s” rye (8,99? WTF? Why not? For schitzengigglz. Because I wanted.) – Right. Back to the house by about 16.30. The weather was actually quite warm too. Nice to be out. – All was quiet when I returned. Ev in the “sun room” reading the paper, Moe napping. I sprayed the boots, changed my jeans, built a fire (right to “work”). Ev began dinner. I still don’t… well, yes, I suppose I do understand why it takes so long to accomplish things: age, agility. Anyway, dinner was quite delicious (totally un-kosher meat-loaf! but titallu delicious). At 20h we were still eating. BUT MOE TOLD ME “TCM” WAS DOING A “MARX BROS.” MARATHON AT 20.30! They, however, wanted to watch PBS. So I came down-stairs to watch in “my?” room. OK. No prob. Better, as a matter of fact. – I went up-stairs from time-to-time to check the fire. Of course… – Round-about 23h Moe CAME DOWN to invite me up to continue watching MarxBros. Well, OK. I went. The TV BLARING…. The “olde folkes”. But we watched. – Then came “the time”… to watch the ball drop… 23.50. Did I want to watch that? asked Moe. (O!HELL!NO!) I declined,.. I chose to sit on the sofa, fire in the fire-place, GreyGoose in a small glass, The Marx Bros. on the TV, comfy, enjoying… May it be: Aslyou see in the year, so the year shall be. – Midnight. I didn’t even acknowledge… – 2010 is gone… 55 years… WHY O WHY THE FK AM I STILL BREATHING? Well, butt-hole, y’ARE! SO FTW & make it what YOU want… AND DON’T EXPECT HELP, SUPPORT, CO-OPERATION… IT AIN’T HAPPENIN’!