1.Nov:
2.Nov:
3.Nov:
4.Nov:
5.Nov:
6.Nov:
22.59 3 v-poms. Much Twitter. Started #konfessions. Much truth. WTF do I care? Nothing fm Lineman. Nothing fm S. TIRED. KHRNY on air. SO GOOD TO HEAR HEBREW! I SO NEED IT! Heater cycling. Chill in the room though. But Hebrew fills the space. I NEED Hebrew. NO NO Englush in my ears! SO tired. Afraid to put the light out. Noise fm 5,7or some-where will start. – No shower today. Boots though. Maybe a stim will help. Will try. I need sleep. Business tomorrow.
7.Nov:
8.Nov:
9.Nov:
10.Nov:
(PostTime: 20.28) ***** DON’T ADD PREV. POST *****
(PostTIme: 20.43) 19.29 DAMN! I’m just so wound-up tight over this LMJ! ANOTHER ONE! BOOTS! The way I like ’em! CAN’T stop thinking about it, them, him. A very little part of me wants to know what he looks like. Most of me doesn’t. I have learned: Hold on tight to your phantasies. The book is better than the film. But WOAH am I pissed he’s on the OPPOSITE BLOODY COAST!
That said; dinner and dishes done. Heater on. Tall v-pom. I will be under the covers very soon tonight. I’m WASTED. – This morning I made a run to storage. Clothes. Then backlto 30mins on-line at Seaside. Worked on this blog, cleaning the RockPark PhotoBkt, printed NYC RPL Art7 and NYPD Proc. 117-11. Good to have a give-away copy. Then on the 22. PO. Nothing. 22 to work. – While at work, verified 1393hrs. Vacation cq comes next week! (Like I care. It’s going to be a HUGE disappointment. I WANT rent! ELSE-where!) – Food shopped this eve. November’s FS DID NOT POST on the 9th! I had to return some groceries! FUK! And fir dinner? 5 turjey franks, under-cooked rice, peas. – I’m losing it… tired. FUK U Orlando and Lorraine! When this place warms, I’m asleep!
11.Nov:
5.59 The place warmed. I slept. Woke x1 at 24.34, checked the time and right back to sleep! Woke moments before the 1st alarm. Rested. It worked. I actually SLEPT!
22.41 *I TOLD MOE & EV ABOUT THE SHELTER DAYS TODAY.*
Just about the last of the clothes are in storage. I need to put-up some “good” clothes and that’slit for clothes. – Bumped into Phil this morning. Told him I’m bringing blankets to the shelter. n “God will bless you, brother.” Right Phil. I’m “blessed”… with my Mum’s intelligence. – On to storage. On to Moe… enema at 10.30. Put up all the Costco things. HONESTLY! They buy out of habit: LOADED with paper products they already have! REALLY! But, not my business. – On to The Village and MD. I parked on Greenwich, did my nails whilst waiting. Nails done, doctor done. Took a tour: Christopher, Hudson, Jane. 56 Jane is BRICK! Looks great! The LURE is some restaurant! The whole area is “chic”! REPULSIVE! Then up 1st past Bellevue. More Shelter stories. They’re SO AMAZED that I survived! Silly them. – Dinner at St. James. Ev had a Manhattan… guzzled a Manhattan. Got a bit blitzed. GOOD FOR HER! I defended. Moe agreed. – Pd.210 today. Not rent. But there’s 98MCU. Plus tomorrow’s pay. MOVE SOON! – In at about 21.30. Packed some dishes, knives. Off to storage in the morning. – STILL NO FOOD STAMPS! 1$ ON THEM! And today was a holiday so tomorrow I have to settle that. – Now (22.58) am having a light v-pom. This gking(fking) phone is fking up. The drain is chugging away. Lorraine is tapping. And I’m going to check e-mails and try for a nap. – Heater’s on to maintain 22 tonight. – The place is emptying. It’s SICK to “live” like this! But hopefully something delightful will come… SOON!
12.Nov:
7.19 Yesterday, I woke, after such a great sleep. This morning is back to the usual. FATIGUE! Last night, midnight, bangbangbang, thumpthumpthump. And so, even as I tried to sleep, I was annoyed and apprehensive. THIS has GOT to GO! – Meanwhile, I think I found LMJ on LPSG. 6’2" 225 42y/o beard moustache 8,5×7. Add the e-mail 15ee. And a continent away. This morning, the e-mail. He gets into it a bit more than I. And as great as it is, it gets me “up” but aggrevated… a continent apart. – I could use an hour or 2 more sleep but there’s storage this morning. The Seaside is open at 10 but the 30 is tough for typing much. I’ll try anyway. – Today I don’t look forward to work. But I certainly don’t want to stay in… not here. Again, no place to rest. Just no place to rest. – Making coffee, empty cupboard, reminder of un-rest, no security. Nice way to begin the day. I do wonder if this will go to court. Dec. will be 28c. It’s going to get difficult and there won’t be a choice. Eh, moving out is better anyway. – Time to surf along a while then off to the morning RUNNING! – I wonder how Aziz made out…
18.44 STILL NO FOOD STAMPS! NO WAY TO CONTACT ANYBODY! This is how they cut me the last time: just didn’t post any… NO NOTIFICATION! So, angel hair and salmon for dinner. No dessert. Pricks!
That said: SAW AZIZ THIS MORNING! Forbell xfrd to Bellevue… D15!!! He HATED it so much, the put him up on 6, E-something. SINGLE! Apparently 6 is no longer MICA (says he). He showed me the floor plan he grabbed from the room. It was SO GREAT seeing him this morning. I was just ruined from fatigue. He gave me a fresh kick. But D18 is a fat, filthy slob, 16(Brindou’s 16) is… get this… a SNORER! 17 was the only good one (Rey). They’re gone… no going back. Bellevue had it good when 5W-101 had the old crew. And they’ll never admit it.
Went to the PO (nothing). Dropped in T7 to see Penelope. She was busy prepping for Sunday’s opening of “Gifted”. Pleasant enough but I was relieved to get away. (I’m not planning on going Sunday.)
All morning I couldn’t get the MCU bal., nor the FS office! Finally got MCU. Comb.bal.5c. OK!
Work: took “Buckles” to the boards. WARM day. Great sun. 19-23 surfers. (None worth looking at.) We got back to the house at 16.00. Pat went shopping. But she told VNS, yesterday, if I don’t stay on the case she won’t accept anybody else. PIC is a bunch of idiots.
Walked back to Bedlam this eve. As I cooked, msg fm Ev: Dinner reservations at 18.00 Sunday. She rang AFTER sun-set. Hmmm. Oh well.
Another HOT e-mail fm LMJ this morning. It’s Hell: the distance. It could be SO GOOD!
White stuff and blues soakung. Time to do wash.
Lorraine’s been at it from since about 18.15 and still thumping ali omg. HAG! I will do wash, KHRNY and return the cinsideration. Then… a SHOWER BEFORE BED TONIGHT!
19.48 LAVAGE FINI! I even brushed my teeth! Now I wait for a shower… and HOPE LIKE HELL FOR HOT WATER! I have “dog” in my hair and nose. But I put the ceiling fan on (window fan is secured) and the scent of the Gain in the wash fills the air. Now I need to be “fresh”. Too bad the bed isn’t. I really need to wash that. – Will photo the shower mold this evening and then give it a shot of bleach (maybe me too at this rate). Phil’s in there now. (And Gabbie’s in for the wk-end. O JOY!) – And KHRNY will probably go off-ait soon. They’re playing those 60’s rock tunes… usually means “Shalom… l’hit.”
20.51 SHOWERED! Photos of shower taken & sent to PB. Heater brought the temp up to WARM 23,5. KHRNY ROCKIN’. Lorraine thumpin. V-pom half done. IF I can SLEEP tonight, schul tomorrow. – But I wish I could “play” tonight. I’m just too friggin bloody tired! Maybe tomorrow since I won’t need to be at M&E until about 17.00. I can nurse “the day after” in the morning (but I’ll have to buy food for that… fkin food stamps!) We’ll see. Right now I’m wishing Lorraine would take a brutal fall over there. Maybe the old “STOMP” on the wall? Maybe…
13.Nov:
3.37 Yes. In the morning! Startled by BANG! THEN THE SINK! From 3.13 and even now! The sewage is churning. AND somebody’s yelling, I think it’s on the street, but I can hear it in here… over the radio. There’s a stench of cologne (men’s). CRACK-HOUSE! – The temp though, 24,5; and the laundry is drying nicely. – The alarm is set for about 5.30. I’ve had a smoke. I’m a little under my 2 B4bed drinks. Not too bad. And there was a ROACH on the wall at the foot of the bed! – I think I’ll leave a light on, take a nap. If I’m good at the alarm… schul today.
10.25 Only vaguely do I remember the alarms this morning. I woke at about 9.50! 20mins AFTER services began. Another Shabbat… However, I didn’t realise, there’s an open floor under the bed! Space. Empty space. The storage containers are empty. All of what was there is out. And in the “locker”, SO much more space available. Maybe 75%. 55 years of existence fits into about 8 sq.ft. It’s all that remains of my “life”… 8 sq.ft. I think of Abdul’s locker: stuffed from top-bottom, front-back. Packed. And me? From that beautiful flat at 3150, 4-poster, queen-sized bed, futon, kitchen table, book cabinets… to 8 sq.ft. GONE GONE GONE. Gone. Just… gone. Just gone…
Well. Tomorrow.I’ll continue the relocation of what remains, if not this evening. Then, one day, a stranger will purchase the meagre contents of a most-empty storage locker for mere dollars, someone will clip the lock, and the little items, the very bare-basic elements of my existence will be scattered to Goodwill or landfill. And, at long last, I will cross-over into infinite obscurity. Peace. Shalom.
Today? I’m thinking a stroll. Tilden. Bunkers. Photos. I’d like to see if that old boot is still in BK. If so, a photo and story to send to LMJ. (It REALLY is wonderful to, finally, exchange truths with a like mind.) That will pass the day hours. Perhaps a post-sun-set jaunt to the locker, a visit to JamaicaAve W&L, an evening of “play”. Tomorrow, a locker-jaunt, ckean-me-up and M&E to dinner. Then? Back to a “week”. Though this week we’re off to those exotic Cross-Island, Shelter Rock venues. (Imagine? I’ve been to Utopia, Woodhaven, &c. I’ve been…) – For now, Thanks to KHRNY for filling my morning air with Hebrew. My Shabbat…
20.36 ALREADY! Wow! That went quickly. & what did I accomplish? 2 more bags to storage, 2 paks of cigs, a bottle of nasty so-called pommegranate juice, vodka, and, well, a bit of organisation in here. More space to-be-sure. Dinner was cream of celery soup. I just finished half a tin of salmon. Not very much to eat for a day. But I’m not in the mood & there isn’t much here & I WANT MY BLOODY FOOD STAMPS! Other than that… I sent LMJ a 4-part e-mail about the boot in BK. No pic. Tomorrow, HOPEFULLY, I’ll get in there to check on the boot, take a photo or 2. It was a WARM day today, great for the beach. I got fkd by not going. But I chose to pack. So… – Miss Lorraine played in her toilets this evening as I wanted to shower. So I’ll have to do that later. – I’ve got terrible tickle in the throat. Can’t seem to clear. And can’t clear tje nose either. Probably the dust I’m kickimg up by packing. This crack-house luving has GOT to GO! – Oh; must add: I rang Moe en route to storage. Got to BC & lost the call. Turned the phone off. En route back, turned the phone on… THREE voice-mails! 2Moe, 1Ev. Concerned about me. Imagine? Imagine. – Well, time to “un-wind”. And Nick wants to play. Nothing too involved tonight. I’ve got things tomorrow. I DO wish LMJ was closer.
14.Nov:
8.52 WELL! Nick got to play indeed. Until after 1.00 this morning! 3 pairs, stim-cath too, with “beverage extension”. Originally I had no intention. But… Apparently Nick was in no rush to stop. Not bad. But I took a suggestion from LMJ, insoles out. I’m getting more and more difficult to please with this whole scenario. There’s no chance of ever meeting someone who’ll be able to fill this. Ah, like there ever has been. – A MAJOR cough fit. I inhaled some black lint! Coughed it up into a paper towel. Either lint or accumulated dust from this joint. Anyway, it’s out. – And I must be getting better w/cath because there’s no pain this morning. – Last night at storage I rubbed my ribs on the edge of the locker as I crawled in. It didn’t bother last night but I can’t lie on the right side this morning. No visible bruises. But no weight-bearing. – Now, today, of course, mostly cloudy. I should bring something to storage. But I’d rather head for BK Tilden. No days off this week. It’s today or not at all. So, off we go…
14.14 Spoke w/HD (Helene Demerest) en route to Tilden. She still has things in her old room! Still planning on going after Missy D. – Made it to 321. Not only has someone CLEANED it out, THE BOOT IS GONE! But I got some good photos, closed the doors. Pisses me off about the boot. – Stopped at T7. Spoke w/Shirl & Steph. I just really don’t feel comfortable around the RAA any more. Just don’t. – Need a nap. Off to “the folks” very soon. – VERY WARM day again.
23.32 I find it rather interesting: Moe rang last evening; would I have time to bring the car to the garage on Tues. early morning?Yes. OK. THIS evening, Tues. became “a very busy day.” Car, hair-cut, help packing for CT… I stopped it; appointment at 13h in The City. I mean REALLY! WHERE DOES IT END? When do I have time for laundry, errands, business, perhaps groceries? Add-ons & more add-ons. Not to mention, “I have a few items on my list…” THREE HOURS LATER we’re STILL in the store! There’s been no offer: use the car to bring things to storage. And tomorrow, AGAIN, I go to work, run my errands on less than 6 hours of sleep. Good thing I didn’t shave for dinner tonight. “I’ve been so busy trying to cram things into the little time I have.” Well, of course I screwed round by going to Tilden today. (Surely that’s how it appears.) I’m growing fed-up. Yes, for the most part I’m paid. But I’m SICK of hesring “You under-value yourself.” OFFER MORE THEN! Or shut the fk up about it! THEN, there’s: Knowing I’m moving things into storage, not keeping food in the room… TWO cans of “expired” chicken broth, a box of rice (I declined), artsy supplies… It’s LIZ all over again! I’m tired… of it, because of it. Just tired.
Well, I made it to the folks by 16.55. We left at 17.40. Dinner was calm, OK, not great, not much and 94$ BEFORE TIP (15$). I had a manhattan, fetucinne alfredo, espresso. I’m hungry even now. We got back to the flat at 20.35. I left at about 21.30. – I’m tired. Packed another bag for storage tomorrow morning. Clothes, sheets. Books will be going next, I think. It’s coming down to the little things again. But it’s moving along. I don’t want it to appear that I’m leaving. But I don’t want to risk losing anything. Although, HD said she still has things here… so perhaps I worry for nothing. Still, I don’t want to risk anything. There are 5 days away coming next week. RISK! – OK. I’m congested, coughing. It must be the dust in here. And I must get SOME rest. MUST.
23.57 A thought: long wood plank, 2 pieces of glass, 2 large mirrors, 2 plastic under-bed boxes, a container of cleaning supplies. Hmmmm….
15.Nov:
9.24 YES 9.24! There’ll be a trip to storage & to work today. That’s it. I actually couldn’t wake up this morning. (And my ribs aren’t feeling too swift either.) This just will not fly. But I will… No PO today. – I COULD NOT fall asleep last night! I remember lying here, radio on, thinking I should turn it off. Thinking it had to be about 2.00. Unable to get to sleep. The alarms went off. I was OK at first, then felt miserably tired & fell asleep. What was it all about? The terrible fatigue? – Now to plot the course of this day. – Not good. Just not good.
19.11 THE PAIN, LEFT CLAVICLE, LEFT ARM, LEFT HAND, ROUND THE TORSO. But…
A rather useless trip to storage. Organised, brought the bag back. Another trip in that. Made it to work on time! I’m back to the 50cent pastries. Flashback. (Like the CBS-FM on the radio.) – AG (SHIT! ANOTHER PT.: AG! WTF?) applied for “Long Term” care. PG(Mom) asked if I was OK w/it. She wants to keep me on! Well, OK. – Took the bus back. Walking, in pain, aling RBB I thought maybe I HAVE come to Rockaway to die… alone. And I’m quite good with that. – Cooked rice in the chicken broth. Threw in the last frank. Dinner. – Cleaned under the sink, behind the fridge. Used roach spray. – Cleaned out the plastic bin. – A small wash. – All done (19.22). – Orlando’s been boomboomin’. Miss Copley got her taptappin’ in. – I have to figure tomorrow’s storage run. I need a shave’n’trim. Need a haircut too before heading to CT. More than that, I NEED SOME BLOODY SLEEP! (Having a drink now. I hope it works.) – The room is emptying. Mostly books left now and some stuff in the bureau drawers. Lots of space in storage. How my “life” has dwindled to… nothing. Thanks go to CM, JDY, AM, JJY, and LC. They should be held accountable for murder. If not my physical, then my spiritual. Dead. Gone. – So, that said… No food stamps yet. Tomorrow after Moe I’m going in to the office, get to the bottom of this. – Meanwhile? Check e-mails (hope for LMJ). A little “surfing” and hope for a nigjt’s sleep tonight. I need to be together in the morning. Moe and the car and maybe rain!
16.Nov:
2.41 Awake. Pain. Coughing. Congested. Chest to nose. And still bombed from the drinks before bed… 5 hours ago. Look like shit warmed-over. Having coffee & a smoke. Awake. Why? Don’t kniw. Omen? “Oh Happy Day” woke me. Thoughts of B40 & morphine when I woke. Coughs. Congestion. “Treat Her Like A Lady”. “In Your Eyes”. Congestion. Mucous. Heavy. Head. Chest. Pain. The day begins? Perhaps. Life ends? How nice, if so. It’s comfortable in here. “I get so tired… working for our survival.” In your survival. This phone typing is such shit.
(PostTime: 4.28) Bankin’ off off of a north-east wind an’ skippin’ over the ocean like a stone.
Death. A 767 tips in the air, heads south out over the Atlantic, cuts through a cloud. The waves roll up out of a calm sea, rise up, 6, 7, 10 feet. They break. White foam. The edge. Crash in thunder on the shore. And the Great Ocean pulls back out, back out into the confined Infinity of the planet. On the horizon, I’m free: free to go across the globe; free to move, free to travel, free to leave, to escape, free to go. (Rockaway. Rock… away… away…)
19.58 I’m in no mood or condition for journalling tonight. The 3rd drink got half-dumped last night. I got into stimming and it ran late. Next thing, I’m awake at 3.00 this morning after half-sleepinglall night. By 7.30 I didn’t want to bother with taking the car in. But I went. NINETY MINUTES TO GET TO MOE! At 9.00 the phone rings. Moe. And I was only at Liberty Av! Traffic! I was exhausted. My right ribs are REALLY SORE! I’m on the bus & Moe says “I’ll have to call Jack & cancel…” I was SO livid I couldn’t speak. BUT… instead of going at 8.30 we went at 9.30. OH… AND EVEN AT AN HOUR LATE, MOE WASN’T READY WHEN I ARR’D! OK? OK! – We dropped the car, went to breakfast at FH Coffee. Waited for Jack to call. He never did. The car was ready when we got there. Now, I do NOT trust this mechanic. He does work that doesn’t NEED doing. He changed the oil, wipers. It was just done mid-Summer. He CLAIMS he checks the tyres. So why is the one still leaking? CLAIMS he changed air/fuel filtres, trans.fluid. Well, I’ll take a look on Thurs. He charges Moe a minor fortune every time. BUT… truth? None of my business. – Left there at noon. Headed to RiteAid (cigs) and out to FS! HERE WE GO… I’m PENDING! They have 45 days to review the application! I won’t KNOW IF I get them until at leastlthe 22nd! Arses! So, back on the bus tolthe PO. Pay-stub. 1393 HOURS! SHORT BY SEVEN! Nope! NOT BELIEVING IT! But THIS FRIDAY I SHOULD GET MY VACATION CHEQUE! And it had better be worth the effort! I NEED TO MOVE OUT OF THIS CRACK-HOUSE! – OK… was back in the room by about 15.00. Un-dressed, set the alarm for 17.00 & half-slept again. Woke. Dinner: toasted pasta, black beans. Yummy shit. – Finished a 4-part to LMJ. Now, dishes are done, this phone is fkdup. Orlando had his bangbang. Lorraine’s over-due. And I NEED to TRY for SLEEP in just a very short while (fkfkfkthisphone!).
20.25 It sounds like it’s POURING out there. – No storage trip today. Damnit. – Wanted a cup of hot water before bed tonight… Mugs are in storage!
17.Nov:
5.24 Half a Xanax done it. But at 2.29 a coughing spell. In a few moments, a hair-cut. But the ribs are SORE. Of course, it has to be the side I sleep on. – Have to bag something for a 9.30 storage run this morning too. 2 bags would be nice, but not in the rain. O the rain. For right now, coffee… and last night’s dinner.
18.24 * IT BEGINS * CERTIFIED LETTRE * AG’s SISTER, DONNA, RENTS TO HELENE * ROCKAWAY BECOMES “HOME-TOWN *
Oh, and I had “steak’n’eggs” of sorts, for dinner. Ice cream for dessert (to come). Debit card. But MEAT. And V8… veggies.
Beautiful blue skies, tufts of clouds billowed. The WIND, FEROCIOUS! The sun, so very warm. One quick trip to storage. Banque statement at PO. The 22 driver was a doll. Quick stop at Seaside library. A visit yo Beach 99cent. Got another glass mug for hot water before bed. Walked to work. THEN… the daughter visits. THEN… I learn SHE rents a room to HELENE! We talk about the house here. Drunks & Druggies. The reputation. Well! – After work, a stop at KeyFood. FOOD! 16$. Walk in the house. On the top of the mail stack, the PO slip… Certified lettre. And? I’ve eaten. Will shower. Hopefully in hot water. This morning was COLD water. – The Xanax of lsst night made for good sleep. Somehow it seems to have helped with the ribs too. Anxieties? Stress? Apprehension? I now wonder. At any rate, the pain has diminished. – And now, Lorraine’s banging. The dishes are done. I NEED a shower. I’m glad to see the cert.ltr. Legal. Finally. Now I watch carefully. Now I store in earnest. – Tonight? Heater. It’s not COLD in here but ’twill get colder, no doubt. And now, Orlando joins the wall-banging. Perhaps I’ll join at some point. For the moment… I need a shower. I’ve eaten. Shower. Tomorrow… LAUNDRY! Storage. Moe… Long Island.
18.54 WELL… I NEED the money: Moe wants a hair-cut in the morning. I wanted to wash bed linens. Last minute shit. So now I shall cut MY hairs then shower. As I say… I NEED the income. And this makes for 2 more hours. OK then. OK.
20.35 Hair cut. Nails filed. Showered. Heater on. Half Xanax. KHRNY. The shit-heads are settled. Too much is too good. And yes, I’m a bit bent about the hair-cut thing tomorrow. TAKE A BLOODY CAB! REALLY! Do NOTHING ALL DAY EVERY DAY and claim being SO VERY BUSY! Don’t make the bed. Don’t clean the flat. Can’t find things for the clutter. WON’T keep up with the filing I helped begin. WTF? I just have to keep in mind: I NEED THE INCOME. And, truth be told, if I were working 9-17h. I wouldn’t have the time toldo what I dolanyway. (20.51 faint thumps… Lorraine. NOT TONIGHT! NOPE. MY FEET WILL ROCK HER PLAY WALL TONIGHT. I’M IN NO MOOD FOR HER SHIT.) – Busy days ahead. Much moving to storage. Much running to court, to PA. Much to do. May it not come to terror until Decembre. – Now let’s hope the Xanax kicks-in nicely tonight.
18.Nov:
5.58 AGAIN… dozed through the alarms. Was out(sleep) by 23.00. Woke at 0.35. Coughed. Backlto sleep. – “Your luck will change… December.” Atropa? I just can’t recall the PA procedures. AND… of course, I don’t trust them. Not to mention, these are very tight times. It’s going to be tough. But, I’ve got Jackie. JCCRP. “All” is not “lost”. Now I wonder: do I really want to bother? Donna said there’s B114. 110/wk. THAT would be OK. I can fall on that right now. Right now. – Jackie. JCCRP. 114. Something in the banque. Storage (safe-keeping). (Painful ribs.) Atropa. Meds. We’re OK. Now it’s all a matter of timing… timing… – And today is Thurs. Moe to LI. Friday morn. storage. Most of everything is out. I can pack for CT, put it in storage, pick it up en route. Get things out of here. Not “perfect”; but much better than having to worry about being tossed to the wind.
*** HOWEVER… TRUST IN AND DEPEND UPON NO-ONE! NO-ONE! NO-ONE AT ALL! ***
Boker tov.
Thursday, 18 Novembre went a little something like… Good weather and a trip to storage to put-up the afghan. Yes, it’s not in the room. No, it’s not finished. I’ll bring it to CT. – Back in the bus to Moe. Into the car & off to his hair-cut where, whilst I waited for him, I continued to compose more of an e-mail to LMJ. (I’m “smitten” indeed. And why not?). Then, back to the flat to gather Ev & off to the Island of Longue! LIE, GCP, & one mis-hap with another last-second turn. Well, I don’t know exactly why but my mood is rather poor of late. I snapped at Moe. Not terribly. But it happened. Then it passed. We made it early! We can’t figure how. But we seem to do that; leave late, arrive early. OK. – Late lunch at the Landmark. Moe had a burger. Ev & I had roast-beef sandwiches. 30-something$ but very delicious. – As we departed (17.30) it was dark already. Rather heavy traffic. But… – Back in Queens, I dropped them at Trader Joe’s, took the car to HomeDepot. All I wanted was a timer for lampe/radio. What I got was timer and MOTION ALARM! WHY? Just to prove a point, more or less. But IF ANYbody comes in the room, it will be a surprise to them! (Batteries for the TENS too… which I’m bringing to CT. Why? Dunno. No boots left… damnit. Perhaps for the woods.) WELL! 2 of the HD employees about whom I wrote the complimentary lettre a while ago were there. I GOT INTRODUCED TO THE MGR. AND D.M.! Ev kept complimenting me on my wonderful efforts toward supporting the staff there. Even Moe seemed impressed. Yes, well… – Back to the flat where I let into Moe about obsessing over little aches & not folloeing-up w/filing & other things he needs to get done. He actually HUGGED me! He knows I mean well for him. – I left at 21.15. – Back at Bedlam, the timer set. THE ALARM is up. – E-MAIL FROM RABBI LEWIS! Fthr-in-law passed, a baby born, invite to “come back” to RT! – And so, small v-ton. To bed by about 24.00. – Oh, cert. lttr. fm GrestNeck. PO e will hold x15 days. I’ll get it AFTER CT. – I’m EXHAUSTED!
19.Nov:
7.13 To-date: This place is a mess! I have to get a bag together. I NEED more sleep! And a bm already. I need more TIME too. For what? EVERYTHING!
18.06 Shabbat shalom. My tummy’s STUFFED! Eggs/beef again. I was SO hungry tonight. – Well, art supplies are off-premises. Some books. All crochet. A very quick trip this morning. – PO. Nothing. – Seaside library… to confirm a 3c$ dep. to MCU! Vacation pay? If it’s still in there tomorrow, it goes to TD! NEW RENT! – Walked the beach to work. Tide WAY OUT! Talked w/Ev en route. – Work? Moved a cabinet. Work. – Walked the Freeway back. Stopped at KeyFood. Egg-nog, half’n’ half, cereal, pom.juice (1/me 1/Ev). – The light and radio were on when I arr’d. Timer. – Cooked. Put stuff in to soak. Ate. And now, will nap momentarily then clean up. I’m tired!
20.37 Napped. Dishes done. Lavage done. Balanced accounts: FINALLY getting BACK up to 9c$! Would be 1g$ IF FS CAME THROUGH! ALWAYS SOMETHING FKING ME UP YE OLDE ARSE! Next week comes 250 M&E but only 4hrs. PIC. AGAIN! Ye olde screw! THEN COURT! AND P/A! AND… youlcan bet I’m going for a plumbimg inspection here! WHAT-EVuh! – I ate TOO much TOO quickly. VERY GEFALT! But heater’s on (23,5*). Generally, the house is civil (Lorraine had her thumpthump earlier, Phil just had a haha in the hall… and I’m anticipating a drunken arrival of Orlando later). A shame, really, to have to “demenage”. But better times, better days, better NIGHTS, better homes are coming… DAMNIT! I said BETTER! – Sleep soon. Maybe Xanax tonight. No vodka. I have, but rather not.
23.34 Yup. So much for another early night. Hslf Xanax, light v-ton. Orlando came in about 23.00. Bsngbangbang the door. Sewage in the sink. TV ON! Still on. If this was a warm night I’d go to the beach… or the dunes. Well… time to TRY for something like sleep.
20.Nov:
9.40 Not happy about it. But there’s nothing on the sched. I didn’t sleep through any alarms. And I don’t recall having awakened during the nighy. However, I do believe I woke dear Orlando w/the mallet to the floor at 9.30. May he enjoy a massive hang-over today. And I’m more st ease w/staying-in today, in view of the cert.ltr. Yes lazies and verminmen, I’ve woke in quite a snit this morn. So lettuce sea wear it brings us too. (English. What fun.) – I’ll pack a trip to storage at sun-set. Get things together for CT. Doing so will give me “shalom”. – And KHRNY is clear this morning. Very nice.
21.11 (Native New Yorker)(WHERE’S MY MAMALE?) – The day… passed right here, on the bed, in the bed, on the Net. Then, at about 17.30, grabbed the w.shower because Miss Copley was busy playing in the toilet of the e.loo. Out the door w/2 bags of “stuff”. We’re getting down to “stuff”. A bunch of niggers were running in traffic out-side the front door. Useless bunch. RockPark is coming to THIS. And Missy D. is to be “thanked” for her efforts in the destruction. (Somebody done did somethin’ out there… helicopters buzzin’ in the skies. Let ’em kill each-other. O DO!) Set the alarm tonight, to test. – The bus was OK. And AS I got to the CVS? ABDUL! Coming from storage! It does my heart good to see him. He looked good tonight. Rested. He came back to storage, waited whilst I put-up my bags (and Mag lights). We talked. He mentioned Peace (Ochiaga)(Ms. Peace). She’s still the good heart she was. Now I wish there was some way to contact/thank her, Crawford, Simmons, the one who was always so kind but I can (& could) never remember her name! WHY? I have to check the 8539266 again. Anyway, I decided: Since I won’t need my MetroCard this week, but mobility and staying out of the weather is so important when you’re in The Shelter, I bought a 7-day Unltd. for Abdul. I’ll make it up during the week. And he needs now. Others helped me (Joycelyn). I pass the help along. In my Mum’s honour. – As I was leaving the floor at storage, a row over… the red-head guy I used to see on the 53! The world will pass through storage! He left Rockaway. – En route back, rang Ev. Told her I have her juice. Arranged to bring the car to Rock on Tues. night! Moe to dentist & urologist Tues. (Longer day, more income!) So I don’t need to carry things on the bus Wed.! OK! – Back in Bedlam? The alarm works. But the cover to the battery is lost! Piece of Chinese shit! Now covered w/MetroCard/black tape! Then I couldn’t complete a call to FS. When I did… NOTHING POSTED! 1fkin$! May they know painful hunger for the holidays. – Misplaced the pointer.
(PostTime: 22.47) Somehow it ended-up on the floor! But I found it. – Dinner? Was supposed to be egg-drop soup. 4 eggs, tin of chicken broth. The eggs cooked. So it was scrambledleggs and chicken soup. BUT I ate… hot food. – Now (21.37) this day’s done. Miss Copley’s playing in her room. Thumpthump. No doubt her Orlando will be in, fukin stoned, round about mid-night (like last night). – Oh, when I got in, I opened the door to check for the piece for the alarm-c remote and Miss Copley had been standing out-side my door! Arse! – And the light at the top of the stairs is out. Hmmm. Dark. Somebody might fall. O MY! – CBS-FM is doing a “Hunger-thon”. They make like it’s SO surprising that people in NYC are hungry. No reality. – I’m going to have a drink. Books to storage tomorrow. Juice to Ev. – This room is getting empty. Wall-art & some clothing is about all that’ll be left to go. Me? Either a new place or… The Shelter. (HEY MARGOT & THOSE VERMIN IN THE HUDSON VALLEY! HAPPY?) – OK. DRINK!
21.Nov:
8.34 The alarm was set at 7. So there. It’s 5* here, -1 Montreal. Our weather’s calling rain through the week. There, neige/flocons. Thankfully, I got the heater! Heater and storage. Good investments. Now for today. Storage, drop the pommegranate juice with M&E. Then? Me no know. Tomorrow morning, LAVAGE. Unless I do it tonight. Anyway, I wonder if I’ve really damaged something in the ribs. Will it kill me? Is that the good fortune to come in Decembre? We shall see.
18.48 What-ever it is that I damaged in last week’s trip to storage is getting worse. I’ll check some anatomy charts some-where. But the central point is behind the bottom 3 ribs, right side. VERY painful, indeed. It affects every-thing, including breathing and energy. Lung? Dunno. This evening I thought: precursor to some CA? How funny that would be. I’m certainly NOT goinglto fight it. It may well be my ticket “out”. I ‘ve always said I came to Rockaway to die… Mayhaps… Mayhaps.
19.09 Now for this ever-so productive day (haha): On the way out, bumped into Helene’s Matt. She rec’d a cert.ltr. & a 5-day notice on the door here. – By about noon I went to storage. Books. Only 3 remain: medical. Art and clothing, mirrors, glass shelves, lampes remain. That’s it. And the heater. Some do-dads. – As I got to Liberty/Rock Blvd. Helene & Matt! So the note on the door is from Noah. And she says she’s looking fwd to taking the matter to court. Time will tell. – Dropped the pommegranate juice by “the folks”. Had coffee. Moe’s obsessing over what to bring to CT. I stressed being ready at 11.00 on Wed. & not bringing anything already there or what can be gotten there. It’s supposed to be drizzly all week. I’ll have to drive them in that! SAVE ME! – THEN… to TD. Got away from paper statements (the guy put me “on-line), got over-draft AND pulled 3c from MCU to TD. There’s still 1c left. But TD pays int. AND there’s about 2mos. rent aside. (And this phone is a royal fkup!) – Stopped at Waldbaums. Roasted chicken, sweet potato pie, whipped topping, pitas. 2 air freshes for whilst away. – Dinner done by about 16.45. Now, all’s done. – Tomorrow LAVAGE by 7.15! NO trip to storage. I can do that on Wed. morning. Work 13-17.00. Tues. will be LONG (esp. since I’m in pain). Then… then. – 19.25 Miss Copley’s thumpin’. Mr. Nunez was crashing earlier. I’ve got CBS-FM on rather loud. Don’t like the music but I’m sure the butt-heads can hear it. Too bloody bad. – Time for the heater now. – No e-mails this wk-end. Hmmm.
20.19 Did a bit of look-up. Probably liver. Bruised ribs and a bruised liver. Oh-well-la-dee-da-etcetera. I’ll have a drink and HOPE LIKE ALL HELL FOR PEACE THROUGH THE BLOODY NIGHT! This whore-stall.
22.Nov:
5.25 What-ever it is… it’s PAINFUL! Woke me a couple of times during the night. Nothing visible. Nothing palpable. But, oh my, painful. Not now! I’ve GOT to get M&E to their house for the holiday. And they’re thinking Xmas too. (I’m thinking the 21st… WINTER!) – But for the moment, I’m awake and just hoping to make it through laundry this morning.
6.47 The day begins. The radio is silent, save intermittent static. I do not welcome the tssk of laundry. I don’t even welcome the day. But with-out labour there is no comfort. So at 7 I shall be on my way… in pain, however. – Odd, if laundry takes the usual time, I’ll be on a schedule to include running to storage… something I don’t NEED to do this morning. There’ll be time for something I don’t need to do… unlike the days when I’ve had to rush. It makes no sense. – Now to find something to wear. The “knock-arounds” are in storage. – And to hope for enough money to get this completed.
10.49 By 8 I was at the laundry. By 9.29 I was back. I’ve even tsken a 45min nap! Having another coffee. Make the bed. Get me together for work. Time… MY time! How ’bout dat? – No e-mails… fm S. or LMJ. Pouting. – From the research I did on-line this morning, it doesn’t appear that I’ve done serious damage to liver/gall bladder. But OY! It does hurt. Hopefully it’ll settle. I don’t like the idea of being in CT w/this for those several days. – Phil is just stirring. – Oh, yesterday I learnt Missy D. has been in PR. Returning today. Something about her father. No wonder the light on the stairs hasn’t been replaced. Gee, I wonder why Lackey-Phil hasn’t done it. (Not nice…) – OK. To chores. – Nice morning.
19.27 and I’m just waiting for 2 things: hoy water for a shower and Nick (if we want to play, how and w/what). Dinner’s done. Small wash done. I NEED a shower before getting into a CLEAN bed! Laddy (THE dog) seemed to be after me today: laying beside me, pacing in front of me, shaking, biting, licking, STINKING! My eyes itched. I couldn’t get my breath. I MUST stink too. But, it was a MOST delightful evening. Mrs. rang PIC to tell them not to send a sub in Wed.Fri. Spoke w/Carl (I think) who gave me the 20 questions & 3rd degree. I was unpleasant, telling him I’d written, followed-up w/Nona. He said he’d “note for the supervisor”. IT NEVER GOT NOTED! No surprise there. But MORE battles to buck in December! O FK! – Meanwhile, I think I msy be missing a lower right pulmonary lobe. So…? – I alarmed this evening. I’m looking forward to the days away. – Miss Copley’s playing on the walls as I jot. – No vodka tonight. Probably Xanax at 21.00. It’s NOT going to be an easy night. – Tomorrow’s a lengthy-busy day. – I HATE BEUNG IN THIS BLOODY DISRESPECTFUL HOUSE!
23.Nov:
6.08 Last night’s Breath o’Pine shower took care of “the dog” and made for a very clean me in a very clean bed. Miss Copley got a reciprocated thump on the wall, making for a quiet night. However, a bruised pulminary lobe (that must be what the pain is) made for difficult rest in spite of half a Xanax. And this morning, I missed the 1st alarm, woke before the 2nd to a delightful Reshet Gimel… rather loud too. Tough shit for those who may have been disturbed. – Must be in the bus by about 9.00. An interesting day to come… considering rib pain, driving, car service. A good prep for tomorrow. And today is 30% rain. Well, at least no trip to storage… this morning. Tomorrow for that. – Every day… every day… something else. Not “new”… just additional stressors. Every day… every day.
20.11 And Miss Copley’s in full thumpthump. – WHAT A DAY! Woke during the night in pain. No storage trip this morning. Got toM&E byl10. They weren’t expecting me until 10.30. The after-noon appt. was changed tolnext Tues. So… OK. We left in plenty of time, arr’d at Dr. in plenty of time. I drove round for almost 2 hours. WENT UP TO HAMILTON! The facade is clean. The front door is narrowed and that ugly metal. New canopy. But not inviting. The people were… well… they were. Of course, they’re probably better than what’s here at Bedlam. But then, so are many at The Shelter. And certainly better than Copley, Orlando and Missy D. It was good to see the place though. – Down B’way to the 30’s. Decided to get gas (and PEE!). Hess on 10th. I pull in, the phone. They’re ready. I go for gas… my MCU card WON’T WORK! So I peed and left. – Get to the Dr., get them in, THE CAR WON’T START! THEN MOE TELLS *ME* TO RING AAA ON *MY* PHONE! FK! I did… gave the info, location TWICE. Moe wants the car towed to the garage in Queens. But there’s room in the truck for only 2. Ev wants to take the train. Moe says no. *I* want to take the train. Moe has to pee (again). The garage rings *ME*. 20 mins. OK. I have to give the location AGAIN! And the car sits in front of the bldg. on CPS. M&E go back inside. The tryck arrives. I’m alone! I tell the driver the sx. He takes out the battery-pack and… STARTS THE ENGINE! I ring Moe’s phone. N/A! I ring Ev’s phone. N/A! The driver was a gem. I was a mess. Finally they show. I tell them get into the car. They want to go to the garage. I urge a call to the garage. Moe doesn’t have the nr. Asks me for nr. to info. He dials & suggests *I* write the nr. when he gets it! *I’M BLOODY DRIVING!* Ev offers. Info connects the call. Moe goes into a saga. Jack says bring the car in. OK… – Well, of course the car was fine when we got there. Battery/alternator checked. “Maybe the starter was too hot.” Yeah, well, maybe. OK. We leave. – Dinner at Crossbay Diner. Good food. 35$plus tip. OK. – …
(PostTime: 21.44) Back to their flat. Moe’s almost packed. Ev hasn’t begun! They both get into what to bring. She’s got a list for shopping! They don’t know what they need! And her list is already enoughlto feed 5 for a month. I remind: left-overs is not a good idea. OK. Agreed. – I leave…. I HAVE THE CAR TONIGHT. Parked on B112. I want some things out of here tomorrow. HOPEFUKINGLY I’ll get some rest, be up by about 3.30. Put chair, maybe glass from dresser in for storage. Large items. AND my baggage for the wk-end. I don’t HAVE to be at the flat until 10.30. There’s time. – MEANWHILE… TODAY CAME A “FINAL” ON THE CERT.LTR. TO BE RETURNED 3 DEC. I’ll see about that in the morning. Either p/u or phone the PO (out of town on business?). See how I feel in the morning. – Now? I could really enjoy a drink! But won’t go buy & don’t want to be groggy in the morning. Mayhaps Xanax. (Miss Copley’slin bangbang mode now.) – Right now? E-mail check. Then? NAP… because that’s probably all I’ll get. BUT iflthat HAG goes after 21.00 my feet will be against the wall! I’m REALLY in NO FKIN MOOD!
24.Nov:
3.09 Yes. 3.09. My lung woke me just before the first alarm. Now I’m thinking: it better not get worse in the next few days. And oddly, my gums, right side, are swelling a bit. Just pull me through Sunday. That’s all. – Didn’t put the heater on last night. Woke to 20*. Chilly. Hot plate’s bringing it up in here. – A thought: I have to walk to the car (let there be no trouble there either) past the Blackwater. It doesn’t close until 4. Hmmm.. – Watch me have pneumonia. – Looked-up the complaint for “mail tampering” just before sleep (which happened nicely, I add) and it can be done on-line. I shall fetch the lettre this morn. File there-after. – Meanwhile, there are things to get into the car in a bit. Then, a quick nap. Then… this day. Time to check the weather… Oh my…
3.26 The CT weather is only a touch colder than Rock. – I’m going to miss Hebrew radio! Hebrew music. It’s going to be Xmas “out there” for the next few days… YUCK-O!
5.00 Luggage and Ikea chair are in the car. It’s BEAUTIFUL out there in Rockaway Park right now! Empty. Dark. Silent. Cold(ish). – I am certainly not feeling all too well. Lungs. But am still moving… KADIMA! – Did a “Last Wishes” memo. E-mail, to be printed. I doubt “this will pass”. – Anyway, a brief nap. Rock Park PO at about 9. Tilden PO after. Gas. Stirage. The Folks. The day. OY!
(PostTime: 6.05) KADIMA
7.10 18* The hot-plate’s back on. Radio goin’. I napped…
DREAM
I’m getting ready to either go out or receive guests, light cleaning. I suddenly notice water on the floor. Just a little bit. But when I get into the living-room, which is cimpletely devoid of furniture, and brightly lit with sun, the water is coming down through the ceiling, steadily, like rain! I toss a bucket under it and head up-stairs. As I leave my door, Denise is coming in from some holiday shoppimg. She’s in a happy mood. I simply tell her: “There’s water POURING through the ceiling in there!” “You don’t co.e complaining to me!” she snaps, with a scowl. “I’m just telling you. I know it makes no difference to you. I know better; you worthless piece of shit.” and I go up the stairs. It’s a double door, badly banged-up, rather poorly repaired, painted white. I knock kundly. A guy in the hall sneers at me. A young woman, in a white slip, tall, young, long blonde hair opens the door. Her livin-room is nicely furnished. Nice hard-wood floors. I tell her of the leak & point to where it’s coming from but the area there has only a glass table, large fkoor vase, silk flowers. I tell her “Just so you know why when your floor gives-out under you.” “Tell Denise.” she says. “I did. But you know hoe that’s going to go.”
I wake… moments before the 7.00 alarm.
(When Autumn Leaves Start to Fall… in French. MIRIAM! 7.14)
Well, beard snd finger nails trimmed. 7.29 & 21*. The bag’s in the trunk & this day begins… this cold, November day.
25.Nov:
0.38 Waubeka. We made it. Nr.6 is akarmed and timed. I gotlthe mail (pay stubs for pat, vacation,sick time). I got gas at Mobil BCD & as I went to pump I hear “HEY!” Wm.G. just getting home fm work. It’s something, how “Home-town” Rockaway has become. – Off to storage. Dropped the chair. Picked-up the afghan. Made it to The Folks by 10.30. By 11 we were in the road. – It still hurts to go through The Bronx… & to see howl quick the drive there is & how LONG to go by “rapid” transit. It’s still “Home”. But I’ve no connections there any more. They’re all in Queens now. – The drive was splendid & I amazed M&E that I remembered so much of the way. (It actually frightens me.) – We got tolthe house… ALL of Keith is gone. I mean ALL. Damnit! – Out to the Windmill diner for lunch. I was starved! Tuna melt & a young waiter to die for! (Starved in many ways.) – Stop’n’Shop. I had some of the list done before they got into the store. A gorgeous guy walking round, looking at his list, looking comfused. I wanted to “help” him (in the store and…). – Back at the house… I BUILT THE FIRE IN THE FIRE PLACE! Even got some wood from the pile! Ah… the OLD days! – Then Mimi D. rang… to talk with *ME*. She’s truly skipping, mentally. FRIGHTENING! SO SUDDEN. SO FATAL! – Light v-tonics for Ev & me. Dinner: burger, fries, salad, coffee, apple pie. Great conversation. – I’m so trusted, so welcome. Friday I get the car to go shopping! I want a pair of BOOTS! Need to find where. Don’t really want the mall, but… – The air is crisp & FULL of fire-wood. It’s the woods. And now that I see through the trees, very much like Roosa Gap.! – I’m showered, in sweats, time for sleep… NO KEITH AT ALL IN THE HOUSE!
8.49 Waubeka. HAPPY BIRTHDAY VIV. How I wish I knew where you are & how you are. – I woke, RESTED, at 8.25. Warm. Comfortable. In the quiet. Like a person, human. How wonderful it is to wake, after SLEEPING RIGHT THROUGH THE NIGHT. Went up-stsirs, got glass/spoon. Had quick loo-coffee, out for a smoke. I marvel at how much the silhouette of the hills, through the trees reminds me of Roosa Gap. And the drop in the back does too. Hemlocks, rock, leaves. Quite Shongum. Familiar in so many ways. – A cool morning, As November should be. Thanksgiving. Yes, well, so it is. A peaceful morning. I’m quite thankful for that, indeed. Perhaps, it’s in prep for the turmoil to come. No doubt. No joy comes with-out a price. None. – Have lookd atlthe old wood-pile. Will check for salvagable. Need to clean the fireplace today. Little chores. Pleasant chores. Country chores. (8.59 Stirring up-stairs. Moe? An alarm. In the quiet, I can hear it even doen-stairs.) – But no KY (isn’t that something? The initials. If he only knew how I apply…). VERY disappointing. But… no peace with-out the price. – Ev said I can take the car, shopping, tomorrow. They trust me w/ever so much. I want to buy a pair of boots. The “AG’s” are cracking (& I want at least A pair of BOOTS again). – And so, the day begins. – Lois & the “holiday” round about 15.00. – A little note: “TM” is here. I brought the stuffie. (I brought the TENS too.)
(PostTime: 2.12 26Nov.2010) 25.Nov.Thu. Quite the day. I dressed, got right to “chores”: sorted & re-stacked the old fire-wood out back,lthen came in to clean the fire-place. Moe woke. Then Ev. Late. But I had breakfast, the 1$ brand. Good stuff. (Moe went into the box. It bothered me at first. Reminded me of Margot. ICK! But WTF? I still had more. I was actually hungry. – It was about 13.45 when they decided to get ready to leave. I quickly showered & dressed. Still had to wait. But… being on time wasn’t my responsibility. So, we left at 15.00. The car isn’t quite right since it came from the garage. I think it’s something to do w/the alternator. I sure hope not. But I was anxious for the drive. – Off to 84. Imagine, driving 84 all these years later, but on the CT part! Eell, we made it to Lois in excellent time. Under 30mins. – The house is beautiful. Had Grey Goose in rox. Dinner was very delicious.
(I’m exhausted… 1.06)
.Lois says I’m “family”.
.Taylor has taken to me.
.I do believe there’s more to Lois & Diane.
.They talk of all sorts of bears, fox, turtles, turkeys… country-like.
.The drive back, inlwintry drizzle.
.A fire in the fire-place.
.Moe is constipated x3 days. Not good.
.He went to bed.
.Ev & I sat by the fire, talking.
.WHY couldn’t Keith leave somethimg behind?
26.Nov:
(PostTime: 10.48 27Nov2010)(Note on dinner at Lois’)… The house is really very nice. New. Contemporary-Country. But it lacks the masculine presence. Although, the furniture is BIG, leather. I wonder about the “real” Keith. Are there still men who feel obligated to live-up to familial expectations? (Or am I projecting?) – Lois commented that I’m “Family”, big hug. Very rather candid w/me. Even made a comment about being the son M&E never had. Complimentary. Taylor took to me. It could be “family”, but I don’t want “family”. Life has proven “family” isn’t to be trusted. “Friends”, perhaps but certainly not family. – Dinner went well. I didn’t feel out-of-place. – Diane & her parents came for dessert & it was really quite nice, as if I’d been part of this all along. – Time to leave. A light, Wintry sort of drizzle. I drove, very pre-occupied w/the car. I’m still uncertain about what’s going on (wrong?) w/it. But we made the trip well. – At Waubeka, Moe’s not feeling well. Constipated x3 days now. He went to bed. I made a fire, Ev sat by the fire & we sat-up talking for quite a while. – Well… I made it through the holiday. They got to come to their house, be with their family. – I do enjoy being here. It’s not at all un-like the Shongum. (And certainly NOT the treachery of Rockaway to which I’ll return & have to battle… Always something negative… always… And nobody knows.)
(PostTIme: 11.19 27Nov2010) (26.Nov.Fri.) A VERY non-stop day from beginning to end: Slept until almost 10! This room is dark, the house is silent. I’m exhausted at the end of the day & today even more-so. – Right after morning loo-coffee/smoke, brought in the paper & cleaned the fire-place. Burnt papers leave terrible ashes. – Had coffee w/M&E and by the time I headed out it was almost 14.00. Over-cadt too. I was a bit nervous, about the car, but detetmined to find new boots here. Off I went… driving Rte.7 (my after-work escapes from Meadow Hill), signs for 84 (reminders of escape drives & what lies to the west of here) all over the place. The Danbury Mall… parking lot PACKED! Found a spot & headed into Dick’s first. NOTHING in boots. Then to Sears for no boots. But I did get 2 pairs of Levis (which I now have to incorporate into the room & such). Walked the .all in search of boots. NOTHING & more mothing. Everything costly & made in friggin China! On t the little mall next door w/even more nothing. Rang the house r/t Army-Navy store. Well, got no-where w/tgat. So headed to market. 1 wrong turn & I was at the air-port! Rang the house. My original hunch was correct so I was off again. Moments later, the phone: Moe w/directions. As he was giving, I arrived at Stop’n’Shop. – Picked-up makin’s for lunch salads for tomorrow. Over to CVS for 7$ cigs & something for Moe’s constipation. Then, determined, back to Dick’s for boots no matter what! I got a pair. EXPENSIVE!!! Made in friggin China. NOT what I REALLY wanted. But OK. – It was dark when I got back. Set right to work building a fire. Ev was heating the left-overs from last night (an ENTIRE dinner’s worth!). Taylor was next door & Heather called me over… more or less to fetch Taylor. – And so, dinner. I ate quite well. Then began… Stoking the fire, burning the papers, clearing the table, cleaning some dishes. THEN cooking the pasta for tomorrow’s salad, cutting turkey for salad, then making the salads. NON-stop. Washing those dishes. FINALLY, by mid-night, I was done. – Moe SAT…
He does that… reads tge paper, watches TV. No activity. No wonder he’s constipated! Wouldn’tleven TRY to bring his dessert dishes to the sink. So I told him about it. He wants an enema. I got him citrate. It’s not taking because he’s not moving! Anyway, it was yet another BUSY day. – One of the neighbours here lives in Hudson Manor/Faulty Towers! Another attends schul here & told Ev I should come. (Well, it’s Saturday as I jot this, 10.41 so OBVIOULSY, I did’t make schul… AGAIN). But I must add.. Ev did tell me that the cooking & such is NOT part of my being here. She wanted me to get to schul, but I never got to bed until 2.00. – Never got to work on the afghan. Company’s coming to lunch tomorrow (Saturday) and there’s a dinner invitation! – I told Ev I’m looking forward to getting back to Rockaway… I needla vacation. (Half true.)
27.Nov:
10.48 I woke this morning at about 9. Keith came (don’t I wish) to fetch Taylor. I’ve had my loo-coffee, smoke. Managed these entries. Ev wantedlto get Moe into the shower this morning. I doubt that’s goinglto happen because lunch company is en route. I don’t want to be here for that. I want to shower, dress, walk the woods. – The new boots? Fkable. Rather OK. And I want to take care of Nick! In the woods. – Am trying to avoid letting them know I’m here. But… Yes, I’m here to help… *HELP*… NOT *DO*. It’s rather surprising: Even going to Lois’ on Thurs. they have no courtesy about time! And it seems they prefer (if not almost expect) others to DO. – Well, I need to pee, smoke. Shower. Dress. GET OUT OF HERE!
28.Nov.
23.03 Saturday’s lunch happened. Jay & Ev’s sister were wonderful people. We had a marvelous conversation until she said “All Germans were Nazis” in the war. She was being sarcastic, I didn’t realise, excused myself & walked out. When I got back, they were leaving. I’m sorry. They really are great folks. – Moe&Ev went to dinner (3hrs). I stayed, watched TV. (I SO wished KY had left SOMETHING!). When they got in, we talked a while & went off to bed. The plan was to leave CT on Sunday, about noon/13.00… “The PLAN”…
HOWever…
At 8.30 I was cleaning the fire-place, prep to leave. At abouy 9 Moe woke. 10 Ev. All was moving along. We were to have light bkfst/coffee, pack, go. I went out for a smoke and to run the car a bit… THE REMOTE UNLOCK DIDN’T! THE REMOTE TRUNK DIDN’T! THE BATTERY WAS COMPLETELY DEAD! (I didn’t want to leave anyway…) Moe rang Pete who brought a charger. Hooked it up. I convinced them that we’d be better leavung Mon. after the rush so we wouldn’t break-down in traffic. They agreed (they don’t want to leave either). We had a wondwrful bkfst. I covered the a/c and readied more wood for the fire tonight. HOORAY! – Rang PIC. Got a bit of attitude. Nona isn’t my spvsr. I’ve no idea who is. But… I don’t care. – I GOT DOWN-BACK, WIRED! NICK GOT HIS 1st MOUNTAIN SESSION SINCE ROOSA GAP! WOAH! GREAT RESULTS TOO! LITTLE FREAK. – Dinner & drinks tonight: Moe-tea/brandy, Ev-v/ton, me-VO/ton (don’t ask). – Politics discussion. Moe shocked I’m a Palin fan. But Ev agreed w/me on immigration/outsourcing. So it calmed. – Now 23.21. I’m showered at last. The new boots have taken their “worn” aroma well enough… quite well in fact. The house is quiet. Nick wants more play-time but… And tomorrow? Unfortunately we MUST leave. I’m thinking of leaving the afghan to work on over Xmas when we come back. Why not? It’s only going into storage other-wise. – Tough times are coming now… in Rock. Very tough times.
29.Nov:
8.02 Well. Awake. Cafe-loo & a smoke. Nice sun-rise. Calm, quiet mornimg. And I’m feeling rather shitty. Mainly because I don’t really want to go back to Rockaway. Well, not Rockaway… I don’t want to go back to the aggrevation that awaits. – I realised, last night, it’s SIX days here! Almost a week! Imagine? A week away from… Anyway, it’s time to think alternatives and options (for there) & time to clean the fireplace (here). Very soon the day will begin. There’s a drive ahead. – Ev said: Drive to Queens, bring the car to the garage, I spend the night, fetch the car Tue., maybe Moe’s Dr. appt., use the car to bring my things to Rockaway. I think I’ll leave the afghan here. They’re planning on coming back for Xmas holidays (and so am I). We shall see. But the afghan’ll be OK here… not in storage. – OK. On to the day… in the quiet oflthe morning.
9.10 Water’s running. Somebody up-stairs is awake. The fire-place is clean, the flue(?) is closed, ashes dumped, Nick had his moment (w/boots) and I want a nap. I wonder if what I heard last night was actually coyotes; this morning I heard a dog back toward the swamp-flats. Oh well. – Sad… the day to depart. But no one can say I didn’t carry my weight here. I never got to work on the afghan. No reading. Last time, no real art-work. It’s just non-stop. I’m wondering if M&E will count 6 days. I need the money (rent), but would like them to keep open the chances to come back up here (w/me, of course). I’ll lose about 30$ (more or less) this week from not working today. They give me 50. I’ll let them decide. – If I stay in Glendale tonight, I’ll use the computer to clean Photobuckets, this journal, maybe get some typing in. If not, I’ll be in Rockaway, in a box, but a box that’s still (legally) mine. The day is still rather new. Lettuce sea. Eh? – 9.21 & I don’t hear Moe’s wheels. He looked quite drawn ladt night. Hopefully he’s OK.
30.Nov:
